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batmansymbol · 5 years ago

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@montpahrnah tagged me in a meme to say goodbye to the 2010s!! thank you eve <3

the decade is ending, what’s changed for you in these past ten years?

have you moved?

i have, a few times. i left North Carolina for college in Ohio, then moved back south to Raleigh, then to NYC, then to Chicago. i’ve always felt pretty rootless, first because of having no family in the US and now because my job can go anywhere. in the upcoming decade i’d like to find somewhere that properly feels like a home, where i can feel restful, with no drive to pick up and go. or maybe i should commit to a nomadic lifestyle, give away all my possessions, and move every two months, before the panic that i’m wasting myself in some way sets in

have you graduated?

yes, from high school and then from undergrad. i doubt i’ll ever go back to formal education, although i’d love to take classes here and there! i’d especially love to learn more tactile and useful skills.

has your marital status changed?

hahaha absolutely not

has your parental status changed?

it has not

has your hair color changed?

i did a red ombre after graduation and then blue tips when i was working for the democrats. now i think i’m done experimenting in terms of hair. i like it long and natural, and i like when the only thing that happens to it is my mom trimming my split ends onto the kitchen floor.

has your job changed?

yes, sure has. i was a restaurant hostess in high school, and now i am an author. i also wrote for the Onion this decade, another former dream. i love what i do and always will, but i’ll probably also always wonder what else could be on the horizon, and if/how i could make a bigger positive change in the world.

has your otp changed?

yes - i have basically left behind my tomione days, and the johnlock phase between i guess... 2011-14? lol. these days i read more ginny/luna and remus/sirius and jaime/brienne, but i don’t really hunt down pairings the way i used to. i mean, one of my favorite pieces of writing from this decade is this charlie weasley/pansy parkinson fic. if an amazing writer writes it, i’m on board.

has your pet status changed?

(this isn’t a happy answer so skip it if you hate to read about pet death) in 2010, my family had 3 cats and 2 dogs: a calico (Zanzibar), two tabbies (Suki and Finn), a german shepherd (Juno), and a lhasa apso (Buddy). only one of them is still alive. Finn got PTSD after part of our house blew up in a gas explosion and he wound up running away. Suki died from diabetic complications, and Juno got cancer at the same time that most of Buddy’s systems failed from old age.

Zanzibar, though, is still living with my sister. she’s nineteen years old, deaf, and loves to yowl/scream at the top of her lungs. my sister and her boyfriend lavish her with stupid amounts of affection and never stop talking about her. whenever i think about pets, i remember this from zadie smith’s essay “joy”:

A final thought: sometimes joy multiplies itself dangerously. Children are the infamous example. Isn’t it bad enough that the beloved, with whom you have experienced genuine joy, will eventually be lost to you? Why add to this nightmare the child, whose loss, if it ever happened, would mean nothing less than your total annihilation? It should be noted that an equally dangerous joy, for many people, is the dog or the cat, relationships with animals being in some sense intensified by guaranteed finitude. You hope to leave this world before your child. You are quite certain your dog will leave before you do. Joy is such a human madness.

what new places did you visit?

too many to list, tbh. hong kong, where we visited my mom’s cousin and i nearly passed out from hiking up a mountain in 100-degree heat. columbus, ohio, where i saw the vvitch in theaters with a group of five people who will never spend time together again, after which we went to Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers and talked in a particleboard booth for a couple hours before driving back to college. rocky mount, NC, where on election day in 2016 i frantically drove two voters to the polls and really really thought everything was going to turn out differently

what is an accomplishment you are proud of?

this is hard. i think i’ve become more self-aware and less self-centered over the last decade, but i don’t want to call that an accomplishment because i think the catalysts for those changes weren’t increased efforts at wisdom or nobility but rather just various forms of emotional or interpersonal damage.

my career is probably the best part of my life, but to be honest, i have a tough time saying i’m proud of any of my writing because i always want to forget i was involved with any of it. in retrospect it always feels alternately immature or pretentious, or in some other way critically flawed.

it makes me sad that i could list about fifty things that i’m ashamed of from this decade, but am grasping for one thing that brings me unqualified pride. i guess in many ways i feel that i’ve never meaningfully struggled, and in fact have fucked up over and over again, and so the idea of feeling pride rather than gratitude (or even like... you know, repentance) would basically be an act of narcissism. i know that’s not how this works, but wow, i’m feeling a lot at the end of this decade, and this is a lot of it.

ok. have sat on it for a couple hours. there’s a song i wrote in 2014 called Ohio, and that’s what i’m proud of. after five years i still think it’s a good song.

sending love to everyone for your new years and your goodbyes to the old years. :) <3

tagging @pkmndaisuki @uchihabat @mechanical-orange @tomriddlejr @thymoss @cocoartistwrites @captocie @goldentulips @ibuzoo @letter2hermione @muggleriddle and YOU if you would like to!

#about me #personal #long post #highly important text posts

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destielfanfic · 6 years ago

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Flirting is hard, destiel failboat edition

Who’s up for a little nostalgia tour? The chosen theme for this mid February weekend is flirting failboats Dean and Cas, and these are some of our forever favorite short fics. All fics have been previously recced on this blog; some of them a long time ago, quite a few are by writers who have already left the fandom. If you are a new destiel reader, you may have missed these little gems. Check them out and you may discover your new favorite author!

All title links go to AO3, second link goes to the rec list the fic was recced first. The year the fic was posted is adde in the bracket. See here about recent changes in our fic review and reccing format. Screen cap from homeofthenutty

A Safe Deposit by casbean [T, 1,500 word count, 2019] previously recced here!

Dean has a special deposit to make at the fertility clinic. His nurse is ridiculously hot and it's distracting.

A Single Kiss by whelvenwings [T, 4,100 word count, 2016] previously recced here!

>> So did you kiss him? Cas read Anna’s text message with a sigh, standing next to his bed in his pyjamas, only just woken up. He should never, ever have allowed his sister even the slightest of glimpses into his meagre dating life.

Eelings for You by K_K_TiBal [Gen, 4,200 word count, 2017] previously recced here!

By the request of of purgatory-jar, who wanted non-crack eel-themed deancas. (aquarium tour guide Cas meets teacher Dean and his class)

Incredibly Single & Ready to Mingle by imogenbynight [T, 3,600 word count, 2014] previously recced here!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it. Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

Neighborly Behavior by Annie D (scaramouche) [T, 1,900 word count, 2017] previously recced here!

Cas and Dean at a neighborhood potluck, in an AU where they’re both kinda assholes.

Novak Quadruplets verse by violue [T, M, NC-17, 8,100 word count, 2016] previously recced here!

It took weeks, even months before Dean was confident that he could tell the Novak Quadruplets apart... [summary of part 1]

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed [T, 4,600 word count, 2014] previously recced here!

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements." "You hang out in your basement." "I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

One White Lie by komodobits [T, 11,200 word count, 2015] (our review)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

Support Your Local Gay Beekeeper by Powerfulweak [NC-17, 4,000 word count, 2015] previously recced here!

It’s not like Dean goes on Grindr very often, just when he’s bored and alone. The blue-eyed guy's profile reads "Beekeeper, 29, 5'10, Single, I watch the bees." Dean is intrigued. He has to send a message.

‘Tis but a Crush by Annie D (scaramouche) [Gen, 5,600 word count, 2018] previously recced here!

Castiel discovers that he'd somehow drawn the possibly-amorous attention of a man with green eyes. It's flattering and intriguing. Now if only the man would say hello.

The fics have been previously recced on these thematic fic rec lists (listed in chronological order):

Ask about Cas and his better twin

Dean/Cas Social Media Rec list

Seriously ... AUs (AU oneshot rec list)

Naughty or Nice - the Nice Edition (T rated AU oneshots)

Destiel: Pets and Vets rec list

Destiel AU, vol.3 - Meet Cute

Tell Me Where It Hurts (doctor Cas)

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos! And if you found our recs useful, let us know by Liking and/or Reblogging our posts! <3

#archive fic rec #favorite #courtship #short #destiel au rec list #T #NC17

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rahmercy · 5 years ago

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Dear Psalm

This is probably what I would say if you could just understand the severity of what I mean. But I'm like this because I'm on my way. I've been a writer since close to the age you're turning today, 8. This is my birthday gift to you but for a few years from now when you're older and can understand.

I have a relationship with God that's shaped parts of me that I don't even know how to share anymore. I've been on my way for some years now. My father, your grandpa hasn't really been around since I was about 6 years old. He spent a lot of my early years locked up. Then he was sent back to Nigeria when I was 11 years old. He was easier to talk to but harder to develop a connection with.

I didn't know how to miss my dad and live my life like it was okay all at the same time. So I understand what you go through when your dad leaves or doesn't answer or show up for things. Those feelings caused me to begin writing. And I wrote all kinds of things: stories, poems, scripts, descriptions, rants. It helped me on my way. Helped me to feel, think, express, see life.

I was granted opportunities through my writing. I was given jobs, won contest, performed with celebrities, participated in different artistic endeavors, travelled the world. My words helped to heal, comfort, expose, inspire, shed some light and share. It kept me on my way. At 17, it lead me away from my family struggles. Grandma Umi had went to heaven. Life was flipped upside down. Different people in the family handled their pain about this differently. I just knew some of the ways weren't ok. I graduated from Duke Ellington school of the Arts. So it set me on my way. I attended Brave new voices in Chicago that summer. I left for Arizona 2 months after graduating high school. Knew nobody, but it didn't stay that way for long. Met tons of acquaintances and some lifelong friends like Mariah, Madison's mom.

And during that time I was able to use my writing: spoken word to help me on my way. I performed in poetry slams. And I would win and connect on my way with people and also remind myself where I was on my way to. I made the national poetry slam team for Flagstaff. And that summer I knew the path was being followed correctly. But that summer lots happened. I experienced several big roadblocks along the way. I ended up being deported from Jamaica less than 24 hours after arriving (story for another time I promise). I couldn't come up with the money to cover travel for NPS and then sophomore year of college was starting back and I was back in Arizona. And I knew I was on my way because my financial aid worked properly. I got it room and board handled easily. I had got hired to start working for Cutco (yes that's how long I've been loving the cutlery). But later that day met your father a less than three weeks into this school year. I was sure this was my college sweethearts love story beginning. I knew I was on my way because we shared in God's presence together: had found a church home, prayed, read the bible together and was under spiritual leadership. Three months in Christmas day, we were engaged. Less than a month later, married. And on my birthday God allowed you to be planted inside me. It was finals weeks but I knew then God wasn't done with me yet. You were named Psalm (my most prefect poem).

I was on my way. I moved to NC before you arrived. I missed having family anywhere remotely close. I was now only 4 -6 hours away instead of being across the country. My ma ( Grandma with the red hair) and other family and friends celebrated your baby should. My ma even had us do a photo shoot because you were on your way soon.

You came I existences more emotions in your first nine of life than I did over the course of the rest of mine combined. The day you turned 10 mouths old, I knew your father wouldn't be there with us on my way. I want to apologize for every challenge, mixed emotion, hurt and disappointing moment it has caused you.

I've tried to overcompensate with you many ways and I know most have been unsuccessful. I tried to let you avoid experiencing the ramifications of it. On the way, I wanted to bring more family around to make up the difference but my ma got diagnosed with lupus and I had gotten evicted and your other grandma in Florida already lived there and our grandma in D.C. was too far when it came to being near you through the legal battles for you.

So I figured it out with the help of others especially Cass. On my way, she took us in. She asked for nothing, loved us like her own and didn't add to how burdensome I already felt given the circumstances. That's when the S.H.I.F.T happened. I fixed my "can I" to "I will". The first company on my way was started.

I got on my way to stability. That's when Ms.Joyce came in. And I rented from her. She's loved you from the beginning. You broke stuff, killed fish, damaged furniture, and embrace that toddler way of life full on. She watched her shows with you like you understood from the beginning. This newly found addition to our family cm transformed my ways.

And I finally started to really get on my way but then my ma's lupus diagnosis took her to heaven. Far too soon and before I could get far enough on my way to spend more time with her prior. I felt inadequate. Like my way meant I was supposed to go it with just the two of us. And I became disappointed in myself that it had come to that. I realized I became angry about it. And I'll say it, distant and cold, even to you. And I've been wrong.

Because I've never wanted to go at it alone. But in that isolation, I've got more teaching and lessons from God about my way along the way than I can form into words. On my way is made up differently than I comprehended when I started.

And down the line it will be much more family, traditions, quality time, empowerment, exposure, freedom, compassion, celebrating, joy, fun, praise, faith, and living along the way. It just took far more time than I ever imaged to get pass the roadblocks.

So my gift to you is this letter to explain that I know and take full responsibility for the type of life you have been exposed to. I apologized for the bad along the way but I will be who you deserve as a mother, teacher, nurturer, guide, and supporter. I'm writing today into history as the start. Happy 8th birthday to you Psalm.

#mommy daughter moment #mommy moment #mommylife #my most perfect mom

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 6 years ago

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You Asked, I Told - Part 1 of 2

Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve addressed anything BW-related, since I got sucked into post-Endgame Saltfest 2019. Even though I really wanted to write more about the movie, especially trying to justify Steve’s actions (which was becoming harder to do the more I thought about it), I started to think it was a big fucking waste of time. Thank you to everyone who commented and contributed to the discussion, BTW. It was very fulfilling to commiserate. So I went back to finishing the latest chapter of BW, because these are characters I actually do have control over, and the final 19.7k word version of Chapter 34 is with the beta now. Once she’s done looking at it, I’ll have it posted for you.

On to the Asks, which contain spoilers for Endgame and Baghdad Waltz

First is a two-part question:

Question 1: Is this a biography? I think if a writer is going to bring characters to life, they need to tap into parts of themselves that show up in their characters, like emotions, thoughts, behaviors, etc. and be able to skillfully convey those in writing. Otherwise, if they can’t viscerally capture and portray that, their characters are going to be flat. But very little of BW is biographical, though there are certainly small pieces of myself and my experiences I put into the characters here and there. If it reads biographical, I hope it’s because of the (way, way too much) time I spend fleshing out the characters’ psyches and quirks and plotting their back stories and their trajectories and researching as many details as I can.

Question 2: Bucky has had a lot of sexual partners, and there are many possible explanations as to why this may be. He certainly does seem to have a “type,” right? We know that he’s been with Thor, we have hints that he’s been with an “Alex” (though the circumstances aren’t clear with this one - more to come a few chapters down the road). You really hit very astutely on Bucky’s insecurity around Steve’s bisexuality, which is a reflection of his own internalized homophobia, which tells him that Steve could never really be happy with him because gay relationships are inferior to straight ones and he’ll just leave for a woman in the end so he can have a “real” life. This really came out in Iraq when they had their big throw down fight before Trip died.

But there’s also something deeper here, which is that Bucky is also very, very scared of being close to anybody. He’s terrified of intimacy, true emotional intimacy, which is what Steve was offering to him — and demanding from him. After 9/11, when Steve was terrified that Bucky was dead and asked to move in together, Bucky’s response was to sign up for active duty and ensure that never happened. Bucky has a deep core of mistrust and fear around interpersonal relationships, and Steve wanted something more than he was capable of giving. And it’s possible that the whole bisexuality thing is a thing, for sure, but not the deepest thing. Steve wanted all of Bucky — body, mind, heart, soul. And that scared the fuck out of Bucky. Not because he’s an asshole, as you say, but because he has a lot of trauma that hasn’t been addressed in the narrative or in his relationship with Steve. So it’s easier for him to just engage in superficial sexual encounters that will go nowhere, and it’s also a way for him to regulate his emotions, in addition to drinking. He gets to feel good and competent, because he’s good at sex, and that’s what he’s good for, and he also hates himself for it because it reinforces his gayness and something that causes and has historically caused him a lot of hurt.

So, yeah. It’s complicated. And neither of them really know that these processes are taking place, so for Bucky, it just feels chaotic and scary, and for Steve, it feels like Bucky is just abandoning him over and over again.

Thank you for the questions!!

You are not annoying! I love these questions! I had to get out the internet for this one.

So, as to the Sam and Natasha part, you must be psychic, because this is actually going to be addressed in the next chapter. You’ll also get some backstory on Bucky and Natasha’s relationship. So I’ll let the chapter speak to that. As for the money part, yeah, this apartment is not cheap - probably $2000 a month in 2010 money. It’s Windsor Terrace, so not QUITE as high profile as Park Slope, but this is not a cheap place to live. I calculated that Bucky is probably getting about $1900 a month from combined VA and Army retirement pay, which would offset a chunk of the rent. Bucky also actually has a lot of money in savings, but yeah he’d be burning through it pretty fast, which may be another reason why he’s trying to get a job.

Throughout his career, Bucky got extra pay for re-enlistments, hostile fire/imminent danger pay, hardship duty pay, and non-taxable regular pay on deployments. People in the military also get their housing paid for through something called Basic Allowance for Housing, which you can really pocket if you play your cards right. So if he was a Sergeant First Class living with another Sergeant First Class like Sam or Natasha, they would each get about $900 a month tax free to pay for an apartment or house in Fayetteville, NC — where you could rent an entire new house for less than that. He’d also get about $325 a month for food. So he was probably able to bank a lot of money during his career. At the same time, he wasn’t a guy who spent money on much except booze and going out to get laid while he was Stateside. And then there’s the matter of George’s $100,000 life insurance payout, which Winnie made sure went to her kids for school or, in Rikki’s case, to also help fund her business. This is why Winnie worked so much when they came to New York, so that she didn’t have to dip into that fund. She also receives a small surviving spouse’s pension each month for the rest of her life. (BTW, the life insurance payout is now $400,000.) Because Bucky went to a CUNY, he would have had his school completely paid for through the MERIT scholarship program, so he wouldn’t have had to dip into that money at all. He worked to pay his rent while attending college and drilling with the National Guard, which would have paid him less than $200 a month.

So, yeah, something is going to have to give soon, meaning either Quill has to pony up or Bucky has to get a job — preferably both! — because Bucky would hate to have to spend any of his father’s life insurance money on something like rent.

Great question! Rikki and Daisy have a very open relationship, so I’d imagine there isn’t a lot Daisy doesn’t know about Rikki’s experience of her childhood. However, Rikki doesn’t have the same experience of childhood that Bucky has, clearly. There will be a scene between Rikki and Bucky in Chapter 34, so I’m curious to know what you think after that. As far as Daisy knowing that something is up with Bucky’s childhood beyond what Rikki has disclosed to her, I agree with you that she is very intuitive and psychologically minded and has enough distance to probably hypothesize that something big happened during that time. I imagine she also wonders if Rikki isn’t more affected than she seems to be, given what we know about George’s behavior. Given the scene at George’s grave last year, Rikki appears well-adjusted around his death and around him as a father in general, even in spite of his abusive behavior. Daisy may wonder if this is actually adjustment or if it’s denial. I have no doubt that Daisy sees all sorts of shadows in the Barnes/Buchanan history, but she also probably struggles to find her place in terms of what her role is in helping Rikki explore these possibilities. And as for Bucky, I think Daisy tries to stay well boundaried around him, so even if she saw something, I’m not sure what — if anything — she would say to him or to Rikki.

Thank you so much for the kind words <3 I am so glad you liked this moment, because this was a monumental act for Bucky. They didn’t even do this when they were together as a couple, and here they are, possibly not even friends, Steve reaching out, and Bucky actually responding with a “yes.” We will see what comes from it, but yeah, this was so big for them. I really loved writing this scene so much.

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Okay, on to Part Two!

#YOU ASKED I TOLD #asks

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servin-up-surveys · 2 years ago

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survey #080

When was the last time you took a taxi/Uber? Where were you going? I actually never have. It's not really a common thing around here. Have you ever been diagnosed (by a professional) with OCD? Yes. Do you know anyone who’s always getting into drama on Facebook? Not these days, no. The most that I ever see is pretty rare outraging over multiple people's babydaddies doing dumb shit lmao. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Girt. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known how you got there? Only very briefly after waking up from receiving my concussion and also for just a few moments after waking up from anesthesia for my surgery.

What was the last thing to surprise you? Not gonna lie, some of the shit Sara had to say about me that I read the other day really shocked me. She never gave a shit about me; I was an annoyance. Do you live somewhere where recreational marijuana is legal? No, it's illegal in NC. Have you ever quit a job with no notice? No, but each time I quit extremely abruptly, which I don't think is considered proper at all regardless of how short I worked at each place, and that I had to quit for my mental health. I didn't give a warning or anything, I just straight-up quit that day each time. Don't advise that at all, I just... had to go. Are there any foods you dislike solely because of the texture? A FUCKING LOT, like I couldn't even think of them all in one go. Have you ever been on any sort of government assistance? Yes. Did you have your own bedroom when you were growing up? Not until I was a teenager, probably a few years into being one. Prior to my older sister moving out, I shared my room with my younger sis Nicole. If you were to get engaged, what’s your dream engagement ring? I'd be happy with anything, but my DREAM engagement and/or wedding ring is either something rose gold or a dragon's breath opal. What is the last thing you googled? Actually a dragon's breath opal ring, just because I wanted to see one again since I mentioned it, haha. If everyone were required to make a YouTube channel, what would your content be like? I uh... guess I'd be a let's player? However if I was in the tarantula-keeping hobby, I think I'd favor being a tarantula keeper channel, there are people who literally support themselves with just teaching about and caring for their spoods and it seems pretty cool, honestly. Why do you dislike/hate the person you most dislike/hate? I have a metric shit-ton of reasons I don't feel like getting into right now. Do you have any stickers on your car? My mom's car still has one marking her as a college student (you needed it for parking rights), and I feel there are other ones I just can't remember, but nothing just for decor purposes, I know. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? Nah, but I'd actually kinda like some. I don't expect this laptop to go anywhere anytime soon, especially now that I'm not jostling it around in bed and am at a proper desk. Do you think that you are a good singer? Nope. Are you sure of your sexuality? Honestly? Nope. I mean I'm PRETTY sure, but I've said it before and I'll say it again that I don't think I ever WILL be totally sure unless I ever have a truly sexual experience with someone with the traditionally feminine attributes. Just honestly though I really don't care, I know at the minimum that I can find absolutely anyone physically attractive and I just say that. Do you love your parents? I absolutely do. My mom is my actual fucking rock, like I DON'T know and don't wanna know where I'd be without her, and my dad is goofy and very free-spirited and just fun to be around, plus he's grown so much as a person from when I was a child. Do you like to read? I do. I have GOT to make more time for it, though; I don't read books as much as I'd like. It's funny, I get joy and peace and of course satisfaction from reading a good book, there usually just is other things I'd rather be doing. Do you think that you are a good writer? I genuinely think so. Do you eat candy daily? Oh, absolutely not. I have candy really rarely. Do you like to go swimming? I do. Who was driving the last three cars you were in? My mom, Girt, and Nicole. Does anyone call you babe or baby? Girt, sometimes. Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Some of it, but not most. I did nooooot get far at all. How many good friends do you have? Honestly? If you excuse Girt bc he's my boyfriend/more than a "good friend," I feel like my only other remotely close friends are Mazzy and Tez. I mean I have other friends, but not any that I talk to regularly or have truly deep bonds with. What’s your favorite ocean animal? Jellyfish as far as aesthetics go, but as individual animals themselves with personalities, bigass whales, like blue whales, as well as sea turtles. Whales in specific are fucking stunning and I REALLY want to swim with one, like I feel like I'd cry seeing a live, wild whale, just fucking marveling at how small me and all my problems really are. When’s the last time you went exploring? Uhhhh, I want to say not since I visited Sara and we walked down this lovely path she has right by her house that reaches back into a lightly-populated neighborhood and then to a pond and stream. Saying I "explored" it may be a bit too far though, like I didn't dig through brush and shit to thoroughly detail every square inch, mostly because on that last visit my knees were starting to get very bad and I nearly collapsed before making it back to her place. But still, it was a new, mostly natural area that I hadn't seen before. Do you have a thing for body hair? Like, am I interested in that for a partner? In that case, I'm indifferent, I think. Don't really care whether you have it or not. Is there anyone into you that you have no interest in? Not that I know of; I don't know who would be. Do your parents have a bad relationship with anyone? Each other, lmao. Mom, like me (but probably stronger than me), also has a love/hate relationship with Tobey, our family friend/landlord. Don't feel like getting into the details because I get upset. Mom is also not very fond of my sister's husband Nick, primarily because he's controlling and distrustful and she sees very clearly that he does not treat Aubree (Ash's daughter that was born before they got together, but Nick legally adopted her; she still doesn't know yet) the same as he does his two biological children, Ryder and Emerson. We all feel like once she does know he's not her real dad, this is going to become a legitimate problem of her feeling unloved. I basically fucking pray to god this doesn't happen. Were you raised by someone other than your parents? No. Do you sing a lot? I barely sing like, at all. Do you prefer the color pink or blue? PINK! 😭 What’s the last chore you did? Well, given the (although very minimum) effort it takes to feeding a snake that only eats frozen/thawed rodents, I suppose getting Venus' rat ready. You have to be very thoroughly and not feed a snake anything that hasn't thawed/warmed up properly. Have you ever had pet mice? I actually feel like I've only ever had rats? MAYBE I've had mice, but I'm not too sure, I always favored rats. <3 Do you have a step-family? Well, in technicality, yes, since my dad remarried. However, I don't consider my stepmom a "mom" to me in my world, nor is her son my "brother" in my world, like I barely know him at all. What is your godmother’s name? I'm pretty sure I don't have a godmother. Have you ever been to a jungle? No. I'd really like to, but I'm also just not sure, primarily because the humidity would ENTIRELY SLAUGHTER me. Just NC humidity makes me fuckin choke, never mind a tropial environment's! I would love to see tropical animals though, the reptiles especially, but I don't think I'll ever be able to handle the heat and drenched air. What is your favorite jungle animal? Oh, YEESH, that's hard; jungles are so dense in unique animals! Ummm, probably some bright kind of (probably venomous, usually prettier) snake or orangutans, they're incredibly fascinating and SO human in their personalities. Hailing back to the old Animal Planet, Orangutan Island was my shit back in the day. I also recall being deeply invested in a rhesus macaque docuseries at some point, but idk if their habitats are considered "jungles?" I wish I could remember what the series was called, it was lovely. Do you like fire? Controlled fire that doesn't endanger living creatures, yes, I think it's very pretty and powerful. I obviously dislike the heat, though. Have you ever had to beg for food or money? No, GOD I hope I am never, fucking EVER, in this situation... because I just COULDN'T ask. I'd literally die on the streets. If you met a genie, what would you wish for? Guessing the usual three wishes, and the typical rule where it can't be like, world peace and other truly world-altering shit? First, financial stability for life, as well as a good home for Mom and me. Thennnn... I'd have to really think more before choosing the last one, but at this moment, I'd choose a quality car for Mom. Would you consider yourself poor? Mom and I are factually very poor. I mean we're in a better position right NOW because of my grandma's inheritence going through, but it's not going to last forever and as a matter of fact for some REALLY fucking stupid reason Mom needs to burn it fast because otherwise it will majorly negatively affect some shit I don't quite know how to explain because legal stuff really confuses me, just know it's FUCKING DUMB and sincerely infuriating. Have you ever lied about your identity? Nope. Do you have a brother? A half-brother, but still a brother nonetheless. He is SUCH a cool and just generally good guy that I really wished lived here so we could see and interact more... He even has a son that just turned a year old that I've never met and really want to, he's a total cutie. His wife also seems super nice and just awesome and I'd love to meet her too. Have you ever ran away from home? Yes, as a HORRIBLY overdramatic pre-teen. It didn't last long. I had my phone on me and Mom texted me threatening to call the cops so I was home pretty quick, haha. She was fuckin mad as fire, rightfully so. Have you ever blamed yourself for someone’s death? Pets, yes. I LOVED my pets that I've had, of course, but I was allowed to get my own unique pets at too young of an age and could definitely be irresponsible... I hate thinking about it. Don't get fuckin pets unless you are fully willing to give them your absolute all, people. Does your family own any land? Ha, no. Have you ever served in the military? Absolutely not and quite frankly I'd die before fighting for this shit country. Is your father injured? Not that I know of; he's had spine issues since he fell rollerskating at my sister's bday party when she was very young, but I don't think he has any like, actively severe issues with it or anything else rn. He semi-recently had surgery for I want to say a slipped disc, but I'm pretty sure that issue is fixed. Do you own any “lucky” items? What? No, I don't believe that any items increase anyone's "luck." Have you ever dated someone from a different country? Well Juan was an illegal immigrant that was eventually deported, so I guess, if you want to consider our less-than-one-day relationship "dating." What’s your favorite thing about nature? Nature has a tendency to really help me appreciate the little things and find peace and comfort in just existing within it. It's also like, beyond beautiful. Are you part Native American? Not that I know of, no. When was the last time someone discriminated against you because of your race? That's never happened to me. Have you ever been to New Orleans? Nope. Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Uh, I wanna say my mom's oldest daughter Katie. Possibly Tiffany, Dad's eldest that I know absolutely nothing about, but I don't think so. Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had? I dunno, probably Colleen's mom, but idk how she was as a boss, really. I was there like, three days. What are the names of the all the dogs you’ve ever owned? Trigger, Angel, Teddy, Dale, Cali, Delilah, Bentley, Lola (that was VERY short-lived), and Cookie. Quite certain that's it. Have you ever lived alone? No, I never could. Have you been told by a doctor that you are a rare medical case? Uhhhh I don't THINK so? Who was the last person who came to visit you? Girt, his sister + her husband, his nephew, and his mom, as well as a family friend/basically Girt's "aunt" and her dad actually all came here today to celebrate Girt's mom's birthday. It was fun, I'm just VERY drained afterwards. Are you listening to a good song right now? No, I'm watching a let's play. What grocery store do you shop at the most? Wal-Mart. What is your most severe allergy (at least to your knowledge)? Just pollen, I think. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No, that's not a hairstyle I will ever want, I'm sure. Have you ever gone to the emergency room having a severe allergic reaction? No. What is the worst thing someone has ever done to you? To be ENTIRELY honest, Sara basically accusing me of exaggerating and how I'm absolutely not traumatized hit me FUCKING DEEP, like at least Jason left my life because he sought happiness that I just couldn't offer him, but this woman straight-up thinks all the shit that nearly made me kill myself OVER and fucking OVER again is a lie. That HURTS. Maybe it hurts more now than it will later, but that honestly does feel like the worst, most fucking inconsiderate thing. Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public? Absolutely not. Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? Girt and Mom have both said I sometimes snore, but not frequently. I hog the FUCK outta the covers, Girt is very open about that, haha. When trying to fall asleep, I do toss and turn a lot, but idk about when I fall asleep. What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them? I'm in a relationship that I am very happy in so would obviously say no. What will your next piercing be? Probably an industrial ear cartilage one, but not sure. Who made you cry last? I actually cried a bit earlier, thankfully after Girt's family had gone home though so only he and Ma saw. We started watching Black Mirror and the second episode we watched (not the ACTUAL second episode, we jumped into S5 since Girt hadn't seen these and the episodes don't continue the same story, so I wasn't missing anything) dealt with a man leading up to suicide (I think it hit me even harder because it was romantic heartbreak-related) and it was just fucking heartbreaking and I eventually broke, despite trying so hard to hide it. The show is REALLY good, though. Is your best friend in a relationship? With me! <3 Did anything cute happen today? Yeah actually, someone in Girt's family (I think the aunt) pointed out how strange but also sweet it was to hear Girt call me by the petnames he does, and everyone else agreed, lol. Blew her fucking mind when she learned how long we've been together too, Girt is just really private and even his MOM didn't know we'd been dating for like, I wanna say nine-ish months 'til she finally met me. ANYWAY I just thought it was cute, them seeing a side to him they really never knew he had. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Um idk, I don't think I have anything going on of note tomorrow. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants? I ACTUALLY have sweatpants on right now; I wanted to be more properly dressed with Girt's family coming over. Still wore my tank top though, haha. Are you gonna get high later? No, probs never will. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Absolutely plan on it. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you? Girt, before he left to go home. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes, but nothing that's even remotely important or serious. Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again? Uhhhhh maybe?

#survey #surveys #random questions #random surveys

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ed-edward-blackbeard · 6 years ago

Text

long-ass fucking questionnaire

yoooooooo, I did it all.

I’m starting this at 1:15 in the morning. Let’s see how long it takes me to finish. cause I’m a masochist, apparently.

1: My name? do I HAVE to? Okay, it’s Kelly. But I really hate it, so usually I go by Kel. A few lucky ones get to call me Kelly, but only because I love the way my name sounds when they say it. There, my dirty secret is out.

2: Do I have any nicknames? A plethora. Artie (after the fish), Fluffie (long story) Jellybean

3: Zodiac sign? The most Libra Libra that has ever Libra’d.

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I don’t play video games. But I play a few online games, so Doctor Who: Legacy

5: Book/series I reread? The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward (Series) The Harry Potter books Morgan Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Riordan (series) Good Omens (Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett) Watchers (Dean Koontz) Insomnia (Stephen King)

6: Aliens or ghosts? I have nothing against either. But I enjoy writing about ghosts more.

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Stephen King

8: Favourite radio station? NPR, strangely enough.

9: Favourite flavour of anything? Lemon. I still thoroughly enjoy chocolate, but my radiation therapy changed the way it tasted.

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome. Both with and without the addition of the adjective “fucking”

11: Favourite song? My standard answer is, ‘Everything Louder Than Everything Else’ by Meat Loaf, because I truly love that song, but lately I’ve been on a Game of Thrones kick, and i’m stuck on “The Rains of Castamere” by Sigur Rios and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” because it’s such a Jaime x Brienne song.

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Bold of you to assume I have friends.

13: Favourite word? sycophant, gestalt, melancholy

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? After about, oh, ten years or so, yes I did. It’s a new thing for me. usually I hold grudges until the end of time.

15: Last song I listened to? “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin

16: TV show I always recommend? Current: American Gods, Better Call Saul Cancelled/ended: Hannibal (NBC), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

17: Pirates or ninjas? Drink up me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? Usually something from the Disney/Pixar Ouvre. Except UP. UP makes me sob in the first ten minutes, so no.

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Du Hast, Rammstein.

20: Favourite video games? Puzzles and Dragons, Doctor Who: Legacy, Dragonvale

21: What am I most afraid of? Snakes, without a doubt.

22: A good quality of mine? I’m creative

23: A bad quality of mine? I don’t think before I speak, so i sometimes don’t end up saying what I mean to say and hurt/offend in the process.

24: Cats or dogs? Bi-petual with a preference to cats

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Bruce Campbell. Alien Apocalypse, anybody?

26: Favourite season? Winter

27: Am I in a relationship? No, although I do love someone very much

28: Something I miss? Being a kid, with all the possibilities of my life still ahead of me

29: My best friend? @mummyholmesisupset and @silvarbelle. they tie.

30: Eye colour? Hazel-greenish, with a little bit of sunflower around the pupil

31: Hair colour? Normally, a pretty chestnut brown. sometimes I bleach it or dye it.

32: Someone I love? @silvarbelle, she’s my sister-from-another-mister, and I will throw hands for that bitch in a heartbeat.

33: Someone I trust? @mummyholmesisupset because she’s earned it a hundred times over. @silvarbelle because I love her like family.

34: Someone I always think about? My grandmother. she died when I was seventeen, and I still miss her.

35: Am I excited about anything? My birthday

36: My current obsession? Gam of thrones, Doctor Who, Hannibal, the MCU

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Thundercats, Scooby Doo, 60s Batman, My Favorite Martian, the Monkees

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? No, thank God.

39: Am I superstitious? Not overly, but I do have a few.

40: What do I think about most? Writing

41: Do I have any strange phobias? Is arachnophobia strange?

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it, dear God.

43: Favourite hobbies? Writing, reading, pinning things on Pinterest that I absolutely mean to do but probably never will

44: Last book I read? Watchers by Dean Koontz, and I’m in the middle of Fear by Bob Woodward

45: Last film I watched? Backdraft. “You go, we go.”

46: Do I play any instruments? Not since band class in the early 90s.

47: Favourite animal? Cat.

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? ??????? I don’t think I do.

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Manipulation of probability

50: How do I destress? Writing, watching Netflix, watching Mythbusters

51: Do I like confrontation? Like it, no. Good at it, yes.

52: When do I feel most at peace? When it’s quiet and the only noises are the clicking of the keyboard and my cats’ purring

53: What makes me smile? Cute animals, stupid puns, comments on fic

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off, except for my TARDIS nightlight

55: Play any sports? Fuck no.

56: What is my song of the week? Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

57: Favourite drink? 1% milk.

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? A few months? It was to @mummyholmesisupset in fact.

59: Afraid of heights? Desperately so.

60: Pet peeve? Anchovies, people who don’t use coasters, and men who smoke in public places. (yes, it’s a movie reference. And if you get it, I will send you a shiny nickel)

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Black Sabbath’s Theater of Madness

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? Fuck no. I am, in fact, omnivorous and diabetic.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? To be Daphne Blake in Mystery, Inc.

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yep. Not fun.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Hannibal’s. I’m not rude for the most part, so I have a pretty good chance at surviving.

66: Something I worry about? My future. Cancer has shortened my life span, my relatives are all 65+, and I am an only child with no children of my own (Thank Christ) I haven’t worked since 2004 (been caretaking sick parents) so I’m concerned.

67: Scared of the dark? I love the dark, so no.

68: Who are my best friends? @mummyholmesisupset @silvarbelle

69: What do I admire most about others? That they can do things, very well, that I can’t do. What that is varies from person to person

70: Can I sing? Not very well, but I don't let that stop me...

71: Something I wish I could do? Write professionally. I love writing fanfic, but I'd kill to be a real, published author.

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Pay off bills, go back to college, buy myself a car (pickup, Ford F-150 with fog lights and automatic steering), pay off my mom's bills, hire an aide to stay with Mom, move to my favorite city and hire a winter-time driver because I can't drive for shit in the snow/ice.

73: Have I ever skipped school? Nope. Often wanted to, never have.

74: Favourite place on the planet? Asheville, NC. Technically, it's Montreat, which is right outside of Black Mountain and is a township unto itself. It's also home to Montreat Bible College, established by Billy Graham, and the Chapel of the Prodigal. It is also home to Lake Susan, one of the most quiet and beautiful places on God's green earth, and I would live by that little lake if I could. I have photos in my Google Drive, I need to share them sometime. You'll see what I mean. But I love Asheville, too, downtown and all.

75: Where do I want to live? Asheville, NC. Except I can't drive in the snow and ice, so there's that.

76: Do I have any pets? I have two cats, Samhain Murray (Sam) and Margaret May (Maggie, Maggie May, Margaret Ann)

77: What is my current desktop picture? On my laptop, it's Oswald Cobblepot (Robin Lord Taylor) from Gotham. On my tablet, it's the Superman logo. On my phone, it's my cat, Sam.

78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl, given that it's 2:30 AM and I'm still working on this.

79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets, please.

80: Can I drive? i don't know, can you? I can.

81: Story behind my last kiss? I kissed my cat on his cold wet nose because he was headbutting me and so I kissed him.

82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones, sadly. I prefer headphones, but headphones are uncomfortable because I wear glasses. So, earbuds.

83: Have I ever had braces? Did you? I don't know. Did I? Yes, I did, I fucking despised them.

84: Story behind one of my scars? in late 2004, I started getting very ill. I couldn't keep food down, I was puking all the time, pale and everything, so I went to the ER and found I had a mass the size of a basketball growing in my abdomen. I was shipped to the local cancer center because of the cancer markers, and at the tender age of 27, I got a hysterectomy. I was cut from my navel to my diaphragm, old school, because the mass was twenty-four pounds. Benign, thank goodness, but it had started to go necrotic and I was well into blood poisoning (the reason I was puking and sick all the time). I still have the scar, and always will.

85: Favourite genre of music? instrumental celtic.

86: Who is my hero? I don't know that I have one, as such

87: Favourite comic book character? SUPERMAN, BABY. SUCK MY DICK BATS

88: What makes me really angry? Mistreatment of people and animals. Abuse of people and animals.

89: Kindle or real book? Both have their benefits, but I love the weight and feel of a real book. I love the portability of a Kindle.

90: Favourite sporty activity? Marathon TV-binge

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? There's NOTHING RIGHT in schools

92: What was my favourite subject at school? Creative writing

93: Siblings? Nope, my parents saw their mistake and decided never again.

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of Sperry deck shoes with Han Solo and Chewbacca on them.

95: How tall am I? 5'6

96: Can I cook? yes, I can. perhaps not well, but I can cook enough to feed myself and my mom.

97: Can I bake? Yes, I can. I'm a SLIGHTLY better baker than a cook.

98: 3 things I love? Writing, my cats, Christopher Reeve

99: 3 things I hate? So many things. Um, spiders, snakes, creepy clowns

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? at the moment, girl. when I was in school? boy.

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? General rule? Boys, or girls that are kind of not-ultra-girly.

102: Where was I born? North Carolina, that hotbed of conservative bullshit. I'm actually ashamed to admit that's where I'm from.

103: Sexual orientation? I'm working on figuring that out. Let's call it bisexual for now, and I'll update you as it happens.

104: Where do I currently live? North Carolina, sadly.

105: Last person I texted? @mummyholmesisupset

106: Last time I cried? Today. I was watching WALL-E on STARZ, and UP came on while I was finishing dinner. By the time Ellie was miscarrying, I was bawling.

107: Guilty pleasure? I'm not really guilty about my pleasures, but I do have a soft spot for mind-candy romance novels. Like Johanna Lindsey, Nina Bangs, Harlequin, etc.

108: Favourite Youtuber? I hate Youtubers.

109: A photo of myself. uh, no.

110: Do I like selfies? fuck no.

111: Favourite game app? Doctor Who: Legacy

112: My relationship with my parents? It varies from moment to moment. My dad never really understood me, and after he got sick and was in a coma for awhile, it changed him. so there was never really a chance for him to try. My relationship with my mom is... complicated. Sometimes we're BFFs and finish each other's sandwiches, and other times, we hate each other's guts and would gladly murder each other and bury the bodies in the backyard.

113: Favourite accents? Spanish, English/Scottish, all the Asian ones (the gentleman that runs my local Chinese restaurant speaks Cantonese and Mandarin both, and I could listen to that all day.)

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London, Dublin, Cork, Kerry, Scotland, Italy, Greece, New York, Japan, Los Angeles

115: Favourite number? 15

116: Can I juggle? Nope

117: Am I religious? Eh, not really. I go to bible study mostly because I have half a crush on the preacher.

118: Do I like space? YES.

119: Do I like the deep ocean? Not so much.

120: Am I much of a daredevil? NO

121: Am I allergic to anything? Ciprofloxacin, IV contrast dye, Mobic/meloxicam, Zofram/ondansetron, and a ton of fragranced products (I have sensitive skin that breaks out at the drop of a hat.)

122: Can I curl my tongue? Yep!

123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope!

124: Do I like clowns? Yes, if they're cute. NOT PENNYWISE, I HATE PENNYWISE. But I love Tim Curry's Pennywise. But that's because Tim Curry is awesome.

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Elvis. I'm an Elvis chick.

126: My current project? "By Inches We Fall," a Game of Thrones fanfic that's Jaime Lannister x Brienne of Tarth. I'm also working on some Christmas projects involving spray paint and recycled K-Cups

127: Am I a bad loser? Horrible loser. I hate to lose.

128: Do I admit when I wrong? sometimes. depends on who I'm talking to, and the tone of the discussion. if it's a civil discourse, yes I will. If we're shouting? I'm not backing down.

129: Forest or beach? Forest. A forest doesn't leave sand in your butt crack.

130: Favourite piece of advice? Mind your own business and you won't be minding mine

131: Am I a good liar? I used to be.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Slytherin/what the fuck is a Divergent/12

133: Do I talk to myself? i do, and sometimes I answer

134: Am I very social? HAHAHAHAHA NO.

135: Do I like gossip? sit by me and pour that tea, bitch.

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? I do, on paper, and you'll never read it.

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i failed every physics test I took in high school. after becoming a Mythbusters stan, I retook an online physics test and passed it.

138: Do I believe in second chances? depends on the situation and the person, but generally not. i have been known to give them, though.

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? oh man. I'd like to say I'd turn it in untouched, but. I also know I've got medication pay for (mine and mom's), her insurance to pay for (i'm uninsured), groceries and gas to buy, so in all probability? I'd keep the cash but return everything else.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? No. People are who they are. they might change what they think or what they believe in, but who they are? No.

141: Have I ever been underweight? AHAHAHAHAHA NO

142: Am I ticklish? ...there's no good way to answer. If I say no, you'll tickle me to prove it. If I say yes, you'll tickle me. But yes, I am. especially my feet.

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? WTF? No.

144: Have I ever been on a plane? Once, and never again

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Rebel Wilson as me, America Ferrera as @mummyholmesisupset, Kristen Bell as @silvarbelle, Jessica Lange as my mother, and I can't think of anyone else.

146: Have I ever been overweight? Always, am currently, though I'm working to lose it. I've lost about 50 lbs in the past year, so I'm doing okay

147: Do I have any piercings? Three in my right ear, two in my left.

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Hannibal Lecter.

149: Do I have any tattoos? nope, but I want a couple.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? .....i haven't made a single good decision....

151: Do I believe in Karma? it bites me on the ass often enough, so yes I do.

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to switch to bifocals next time

153: What was my first car? 1979 green Dodge Aries K

154: Do I want children? If they're furry and four-legged, sure.

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? um, probably my uncle with two frigging masters degrees

156: My most embarrassing memory? I met John deLancie at a Star Trek con once, just coming down the stairs from his room to the con floor. And I fell all over myself talking to him because I was like, fourteen or something and he was tall and handsome and genuinely happy to be tthere and I was basically every fangirl's nightmare.

157: What makes me nostalgic? watching old TV shows I loved as a kid, or reading books I haven't read in years.

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yep

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains. i'm practically a zombie.

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Purple and fuschia equally.

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Not as such, no.

162: What do I hate most about myself? Everything?

163: What do I love most about myself? I like my hair.

164: Do I like adventure? only the ones in books.

165: Do I believe in fate? not really.

166: Favourite animal? Felis cattus

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? nope

169: How old am I? 42

170: One of my favourite quotes? "Lock the door. And hope they don't have blasters."

171: Do I hold grudges? you bet your bippy I do. (what is a bippy and why are you betting it?)

172: Do I trust easily? No.

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? I hope I have. But I suspect I haven't.

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? A single cupcake and a rosebud, given to me by the nurses at the cancer treatment center because it was my birthday and I was having radiation and felt absolutely shitty. so they surprised me with a little cupcake and a rose for my birthday and it made me feel better.

175: Do I dream? Yep.

176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yep

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I remember some of them, like the Continuing Adventures of Roxy, the Pink Police Poodle.

178: An experience that has made me stronger? My breakups.

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Sleep a lot, read even more, learn everything that I never had before.

180: Do I like shopping? I do!

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Bank robbery.

182: What does “family” mean to me? family is a group of people, not necessarily related by blood, who have chosen to band together in love and support of each other.

183: What is my spirit animal? According to my meditation quest, it's a wolf. But I'm not really comfortable saying that because it wasn't a real vision quest, I'd have to go to the res for that (i have Cherokee blood on my father's side) and I haven't.

184: How do I want to be remembered? As someone who tried to be good.

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Woodcarving.

186: What is my greatest failure? I dropped out of college in the 90s, when I had an accident that broke my ankle. I never went back.

187: What is my greatest achievement? five-year survivor, cancer-free!

188: Love or money? Money, sadly.

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Am I an observer like the Doctor? If yes, then I would go back to the Globe Theater and see all of Shakespeare as it was originally performed. Am I living there, stuck? Future, please.

191: What makes me the happiest? Writing.

192: What is “home” to me? Where I lay my head.

193: What motivates me? How I feel, what I see, something that fascinates me.

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Wake me up when it's over

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Depends on if they're hostile or kind.

196: A movie that scared me as a child? The Dark Crystal. I love it now.

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? V-8 juice

198: Zombies or vampires? oooh, both. But vampires.

199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons all the way, man. I love dragons.

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Its always the same. I'm being chased by someone/something, it's always getting closer, and it sounds like a loud, roaring motorcycle. And I'm always running or racing through the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks (the place with all the red curtains and the black/white zig-zag floor. That place freaks me the fuck out, and ever since the show aired, it's been in my nightmares)

202: How do I define love? Love is not love, that alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove; O no, it is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? sometimes. I've found great books in the bargain bin that way. I've also found a few stinkers. Come to think of it, I've found a few people that way too. Some great, some stinkers.

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? I have.

205: Do I like my handwriting? i do, actually

206: Sweet or savoury? Savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? Market research interview administrator. I was one of those assholes that flagged you down in the mall and made you watch a commercial or a movie trailer, or try a snack product and then asked you a billion and five questions about it

208: Do I collect anything? Funko POPs, Superman memorabilia, Star Wars and Star Trek memorabilia, penguins, mooses

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? my dragon ring, my pocketwatch

210: What is on my bucket list? I don't have one

211: How do I handle anger? Depends. I sometimes hold it in, but most times I blow like a firecracker. hot and hard, and then I cool off.

212: Was I named after anyone? my dad's uncle Kelly, and my mom's father Ray (i'm Kelly Rae)

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? me? sarcastic? Perish the thought.

214: What TV character am I most like? Dobie Gillis.

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? I can twirl just about anything like a baton and not drop it

216: Favourite fictional character? Ashley j. Williams

3:24 AM. Son of a bitch.

#everything you ever wanted to know about me #but were afraid to ask

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buzzdixonwriter · 3 years ago

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Writing Report August 1, 2021

Word counts.

As mentioned before, I keep a daily tab on my word count, striving for at least 1,000 words a day.

By “words” I mean material that I actually intend to see published / produced / posted, not notes abut projects or social media comments (though I’ve used some of my social media comments as the basis for longer blog posts).

Not a bad pace if one can maintain it. Assuming one writes only five days a week and takes two weeks off at some point, it’s 250,000 words a year, the equivalent of three average size novels.

And that’s assuming it’s an average pace; books need to be revised and polished, so while 1,000 words a day can produce three novels worth of first drafts, there’s time to be spent rewriting – and I don’t count that in my daily totals.

I can blitz stuff out in a single concentrated burst. Just recently I wrote the first draft of a one act stage play in an eleven hour stretch, clocking in at 37 pages and 6,846 words (thank you MS Word for doing those autocounts; makes my life easier).

My big project for the year ended up with a first draft around 105,000 words long, much too long for this type of story (i.e., a contemporary mainstream social satire). I spent the last week getting very little productive work done (other than the aforementioned one act play) while trimming back the first draft to just under 94,000.

That’s in the nervous range; I might find an editor / publisher who’ll accept it at that length, but it’ll sure improve my chances if I can keep trimming to under 90,000.

For my second draft (the 94,000 version), trimming wasn’t difficult. I tend to write loose and shaggy, often repeating phrases and descriptions.

It’s easy to trim stuff like “he went down the stairs” to “he went downstairs”.

I also slashed away mercilessly at everything that didn’t advance the story, either by moving the plot forward or providing vitally needed character insight to explain later actions.

Some cute stuff went by the wayside. Quelle dommage.

I also trimmed stuff that went to far (and I can hear jaws dropping from people reading this who know me and go “Buzz is worried about going too far?!?!?”).

In this case, yes. My basic premise requires a PG approach, maaaaaybe occasionally brushing up against a PG-13 but never venturing over into R-rated territory.

Even while writing the first draft, I needed to go back and remove two scenes that -- while funny and entirely in character for those involved -- bumped the story up into soft R territory.*

Eliminating those necessitated revising an earlier scene which set them up, and to the betterment of the novel, I must say. The story works better the further certain elements can be kept off stage.

(There’s no avoiding mention of the concept of those elements, but the elements themselves don’t need to be paraded out in the open.)

While I often use collegiate notebooks for short story and blog post first drafts, for this project I used my computer to get it on its feet.

Every week I printed up what I’d written to date and shared it with the writers group I belong to. This gave me good feedback on the clarity of the story telling and specific problematic areas. I accumulated those printouts on 3-hole punch paper and put them in a large notebook along with regular notebook paper.

As you can see in the photo above, I write notes to myself about specific areas to be addressed in red on the notebook paper as well as on the printouts themselves, but also write additional scenes by hand in black ink to slip between the printed pages as needed while prepping the second draft.

The second draft is the trimmed down version of the first but also with name changes (for example, I had two characters with similar first names who are rarely in a scene together, but each interacts frequently with a third character; that could be confusing so one got a completely different name).

I didn’t nail down all the characters and locations names, so I’d use placeholders for those and when prepping the second draft swapped them out for their final names (or at least better ones).

The second draft isn’t completely prepped yet, but it’s 80-85% done. Once it’s prepped then I’ll have it printed out at the local FedEx store and use that to edit my third draft on.

The way things are progressing, the third draft will go to beta readers and after their feedback, one last polish and it’s ready for submission.

As posted above, I try to write 1,000 words a date for publication or posting, and I have reached that number right…now.

* The late William Rotsler once laid out the history of US movie ratings for me. Before the MPAA rating system came into effect in the 1960s, theater owners and distributors used an unofficial rating system of “mature” (talked about or hinted at), “adult” (a few flashes of female flesh), X (partial female nudity), XX (full female nudity / partial male nudity), and XXX (full blown porn, if you’ll pardon the expression). When the MPAA launched its official rating system, the original categories were G, M, R, and X. M quickly vanished as “too confusing” replaced by GP (yeah, that wasn’t confusing…) which then became PG and eventually added PG-13. X used to be any film previously unofficially rated XX or XXX but has since been supplanted by NC-17, X being handed back to the professional pornographers, presumably at the end of a long set of tongs. In the 1970s these official categories were unofficially refined by theater owners, movie distributors, and audiences as soft R (the old “adult”), hard R (the old X), soft X (formerly XX), and hard X (i.e., XXX).

#writing #writing report #how this writer's mind works

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cutieunidentifiedremains · 7 years ago

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[fic] narrative voices [suzalulu]

♥ title: narrative voices ♥ summary: poorly timed business trips have suzaku and lelouch missing each other, but they'll manage. (suzalulu, domestic AU.) ♥ rating: NC-17 [PWP ahoy!] ♥ pairing(s)?: suzalulu ♥ author’s notes: author’s notes have been uploaded along with the fic @ ao3. please read the tags also for potential squick/warnings.

wanted to upload something for lelouch’s birthday.

enjoy!

Normally, Lelouch didn’t mind Suzaku’s business trips too much.

It was, after all, not as though Lelouch himself had any right to complain. He knew that. After all, unless you could count his 30-minute commute to work, or the odd house call to a client’s out-of-the-way ranch or seaside villa a business trip— which Lelouch hardly could— Suzaku only travelled for business once a year. And even Lelouch told himself that the yearly Symposium of the American Board Of Veterinary Practitioners (even if it took place in Florida for some Godforsaken reason) was, at least on paper, a more practical reason for travel than, for example, Lelouch’s impulsively booked plane tickets to Italy “for research”. He smiled softly, reminiscing to himself about how he must have spent hours of those two weeks curled up in a Roman hotel, Skyping Suzaku to tell him about the spoils of that day, how he’d gotten lost trying to hail a taxi cab or been mistaken for a tourist.

But you are a tourist, Suzaku had said, warm and sleepy and sipping coffee in his white bathrobe, his voice rough from the call’s static and from the time difference. Aren’t you?

It doesn’t count when you’re a novelist, Lelouch had said, and sniffed. If I were here on vacation, I would have taken you with me.

And it was true, too. He’d missed everything about Suzaku terribly. Lelouch had melted into Suzaku’s arms upon his return, pulling him close by his tie and biting along his jawline the second he got home from work, stopping by his ear to whisper how much he’d longed for his voice, his touch, his hour-long political digressions. Afterward, they’d just held each other, Suzaku rubbing Lelouch’s shoulders and both of them just basking in having the other there again. Yes, the I-missed-you sex was fantastic. But it always came with a price.

Lelouch sat at his writing computer in the office nook of his and Suzaku’s apartment. It was a nice apartment for a couple their age; split-level, with a lofted bedroom to save space, as but a lovely view from the window above their bed. It was located in a middle-class area of town, and as for the interior, Lelouch had mapped out and maintained a calculatedly minimalist aesthetic, with a white-and-off-white color scheme— despite the fact that Arthur, their housecat, had black fur. Lelouch, being that rare, shiny breed of novelist with a flair for storylines both superficially thrilling and timelessly intellectual, actually did make a decent amount of money; which, combined with Suzaku’s pay from his veterinary practice, allowed them to live comfortably. Or uncomfortably.

Today the apartment was silent. The rainstorm of clicking computer keys that normally heralded Lelouch’s alone time was nowhere to be found. It was a Bad Writing Day, and on a Bad Writing Day everything sucked, the weather, the lunch Lelouch tried to cook, the Spotify playlist Lelouch put on, everything. Lelouch glowered at the newton’s cradle on his glass desk, pinched one of the sleek metal balls, and sent it swinging, watching the wonders of earthly physics get to work. Maybe he’d gone stir-crazy. It was going on to the end of the afternoon, and Lelouch had written a total of one hundred words today. Maybe fine if he were a writer of flash fiction, but alas, Lelouch did not work in that form. The worst part about today, he decided, was that Suzaku, his muse, was not here.

Suddenly a coil of furry warmth slithering around his slippered feet. “Arthur,” he said. Arthur mewled in response. Grateful for the distraction, Lelouch picked him up, and Arthur happily began to purr. “You must be hungry.” Lelouch murmured. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

Lelouch was just cracking open a can of Fancy Feast when his phone rang.

He had a custom ringtone for his fiancée set in his contact book, so he didn’t even need to look at the screen to know who was calling. Dumping Arthur’s food onto his plate, he smiled as he slid his thumb across the touch-screen surface of his phone and brought it up to his ear. He had missed Suzaku terribly all day, but held back from calling him because he knew he was busy with his conference. The call from his lover was a welcome relief, one like stepping into a warm bath.

“Hi, honey,” Lelouch said, putting the empty can of cat food into the trash. Arthur leapt up onto the counter and began to eat.

“Lelouch,” breathed Suzaku into the phone. “Are you alone?”

Heat flared through Lelouch’s body, but, ever the one to be in control, he decided to play it cool. “Whoa there, tiger. Why the rush?” he said quietly, his eyes shining, a smile already playing on his lips. It wasn’t a serious act of chastisement. It was a flirt; a game. Even as he spoke, Lelouch’s feet were already carrying him to his and Suzaku’s shared bedroom.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I miss you.” Suzaku said plaintively. It was all true, too. He was on the other side of the country, alone in a queen-sized hotel bed, buried in clean white sheets that smelled like detergent and sterility and nothing like Lelouch. He loved taking care of animals, he loved saving their lives, he loved his career, his line of work was exciting but God, there had been one snafu after another and this conference was gradually driving him up the wall. He missed Lelouch. Even knowing he would come home to him soon, he missed Lelouch. He missed being able to show him how much he loved him with his body. “I want to touch you.”

“I miss you, too.” Said Lelouch, his voice and eyes both tender. The room was comfortably dim with sunset. From the angle, it was unlikely that anyone would be able to see into their bedroom window anyway, but Lelouch shut the blinds just in case. “… You know, it’s only been a week.”

“Six days.” Suzaku corrected. “All of them torture.” Which wasn’t exactly true. Suzaku had wholeheartedly enjoyed the first few days, before the tropical storm or the concrete mixer incident, but none of that seemed to matter now that full Lelouch withdrawal had set in.

“But Suzaku,” said Lelouch, sitting down on the edge of the bed and leisurely beginning to unbutton the plaid pajama top he may or may not have been wearing all day, “You love being tortured.”

Suzaku bit his lip and groaned through it. “You didn’t answer me, Lelouch… are you alone right now?”

“Do you think I’d be talking to you like this if I weren’t?” Lelouch said, and his voice was like a whip, how it could go dark and taut all of a sudden, how it could snap sometimes and flit others and reduce Suzaku to a delightful, quivering mess. He could hear Suzaku’s almost-gasp at the change in tone. A smile played at the edge of Lelouch’s lips as he found himself slipping into persona; oh, this could be fun… Suzaku loved being bullied during sex. While Lelouch never felt comfortable going beyond some light verbal teasing, whenever he did get into a dominant, haughty mood, Suzaku found himself coming so hard he saw stars. Their current circumstances, Lelouch realized, created the perfect storm; phone sex depended on dirty talk, and words were Lelouch’s modus operandi. “Do you think I’m some kind of pervert? Answer me, Suzaku.”

Suzaku tripped over himself answering.

“No, Lelouch, never; I don’t think you’re a pervert.” He felt so hot, he couldn’t help but writhe around a little. Before, he’d been touching himself—nothing heavy, just teasing himself with the tips of his fingers, he didn’t want to really start working himself until Lelouch was feeling good too, whenever Suzaku felt good he wanted Lelouch to feel good with him, together— and he was hard, but now he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to do that, yet. Not when Lelouch sounded so pushy and bossy and… and hot. Suzaku pulled his hand away from his dick, involuntarily whining. He tried to be quiet, but Lelouch caught him anyway.

“What was that, Suzaku?” Lelouch’s pajama shirt was completely unbuttoned, but he didn’t bother to take it off yet, instead crawling back over the bed to lean against the pillows. He lifted his hips to wriggle his sweatpants down until they were around his thighs. He was half-hard already. “Did you say something?”

“N— no.”

“No?”

“I didn’t— just say anything.”

“Hm.” Lelouch hummed coldly, like he knew Suzaku was lying, and began to suck on two of his fingers.

“I— I mean,” Suzaku stammered. God, how was it that he was getting harder and harder from this when he wasn’t even touching himself? “I didn’t, it’s just that, I was touching myself before, and I stopped, so…”

There was a wet sound (Suzaku bit back a groan) as Lelouch pulled the two fingers out of his mouth and rested them on his soft, white chest, near a pink nipple.

Lelouch didn’t even bother to touch himself yet. After all, he knew that if he got started now he would never be able to stop. Besides, there was another, far more gratifying game he was interesting in playing first.

“So?” said Lelouch. And normally Suzaku would have taken this cue to jump into a good few paragraphs, written out, of dirty talk just from a stream of his own consciousness, the kind of material that would have Lelouch begging to come if their situations were reversed. But Lelouch had spoken as if prompting serious conversation rather than filling dead air between them, enough to give Suzaku pause— like maybe Lelouch hadn’t heard him?

After waiting a moment that was filled with silence and static, Suzaku, a little awkwardly, said “Ah?”

“So? How’s the Symposium?” Lelouch saw slowly— almost condescendingly, and Suzaku could tell, and— and Suzaku had a million hangups from a probably very traumatic childhood, but God, if Lelouch talking down to him didn’t turn him on. Ah, so they were playing this game. Suzaku groaned, and the first half was clearly exasperated, but the tail end betrayed his full, totally helpless arousal. Heat curled in Lelouch’s belly at the sound.

“Ah… Didn’t I already tell you the other day? Lelouch…”

So Suzaku began, except as he did so he was idly rubbing the heel of his hand against the base of his dick and Lelouch could tell from his breathing because suddenly Lelouch’s voice was dark and militant and commanding: “Don’t touch yourself. Do not touch yourself until I say that you may.” Heat flushed Suzaku’s body, and he pulled his hand back from his dick like he’d been shocked. When Lelouch spoke again, his voice was back to how it had been when he’d first picked up the phone, the way he usually sounded when he spoke to Suzaku, mellow and sweet: “You told me about it yesterday, Suzaku, when I called you to check on you, and wish you goodnight… Remember?”

Suzaku’s hand curled up into a fist as it lay still and helpless at his side. “Yes, I remember.”

“So what happened today?”

Suzaku swallowed and closed his eyes. The memories of the day floated in a hazy wave before his eyelids. It was legitimately hard to think when he was this aroused (what the hell, what the hell) and it felt like he was swimming, trying to find some detail or other to cling to. “Nothing super great,” he heard himself say. “Was giving a presentation and stepped on the foot of— you wouldn’t know his name— guy I really admire—“

“A guy you really admire?” Said Lelouch, all faux-ingénue wounded, and Suzaku tripped over himself addressing it.

“Not like that, I mean, as a vet, Lelouch. Lelouch, please…”

“I’m hurt, Suzaku. Don’t you like your Lelouch best of all?”

“Of course I love you most of all, Sir,” said Suzaku, drunk on heat, and even in the state he was in he couldn’t repress the tiny smirk at the moan he heard Lelouch have to muffle at him dragging out that old pet name. They’d used it a few times before, mostly only when talking like they were. It worked perfectly for the dynamic they played at to get each other off, it rolled easily off the tongue, and they both hated Master. Lelouch wasn’t a master of anyone or anything. And Suzaku really, really enjoyed sir, maybe even more than Lelouch did, because along with that stifled moan was Lelouch’s free hand flying down between his thighs and around his own cock before he could help it because fuck it, fuck it, he hadn’t come in a week, he needed this bad, he was touching himself now.

He would retain some self-control, though, he told himself. And he was a marvelous actor; he tilted his head back and his voice was only slightly strained when he said, “And how much do you love your Sir, Suzaku?”

“So much, sir, that I’d— that I’ll— ah, ah-ha, fuck, I’m no good at this please, please let me touch myself Lelouch please—”

“You’re better at it than you think, Suzaku,” Lelouch breathed into the phone, tone and body shifting again on the phone and the blankets. “But go on, then. Touch yourself. My, what a mouth you have on you. You haven’t jerked off in a while, have you?”

“Please—"

“It sounds like it’s been a few days.”

“Please—”

“I bet your cock looks delicious right now. I’d do anything to be there, to eat it right up. Ah—” Lelouch moaned into the phone. He was coming unhinged, his voice leaping out of his control, and there was nothing in the world more exciting to Suzaku.

“Lelouch.” Too good, too good, Suzaku thought wildly. The second Lelouch had given him permission, he’d started pumping himself at a full clip, and he’d held back so long that every single slide of friction felt like skating across the surface of utter heaven. He kept thinking that the surface tension would have to break sometime soon. Instead the pleasure kept building and building on top of itself and Suzaku felt— Suzaku was— he was going to— he was going to lose his mind— but hadn’t he already? He didn't want anyone but Lelouch to hear him, but ah, he was being so loud…

“Suzaku.” Came Lelouch’s voice, clear to Suzaku past all of the haze. Always like a lighthouse to him through fog.

Suzaku felt so much gentleness toward Lelouch and he also— “I wanna— ah— fuck you so fucking hard.” It was not what Lelouch had been expecting, and Suzaku took delight in the surprised choke he heard through the telephone. “And I want you to love it. I want you ordering me to never stop. I want to make you come so hard you black out. And then I want to wake you up by kissing you.” Lelouch whined on the other end of the phone, high-pitched and reedy, and Suzaku was stumbling over his own words, was tripping and stumbling the last stretch up the hill. He was almost there, he could taste it, it was on the tip of—

“You’re coming, aren’t you? Suzaku?” Was what came in Lelouch’s breathy, wrecked voice across the phone, and Suzaku’s back arched. His body was scrambling out of his control. He felt his hips twist into his hand on their own, he felt his body arc impossibly, he was moaning and half-shouting nonsense and Lelouch’s name.

When Suzaku came back to himself, he could hear Lelouch was right on the edge, silver tongue reduced to tripping over the three syllables of Suzaku's name in blissful repetition, "Suza-ku, Su-za-ku, Suzaku, Suzaku," his voice itself shuddering with a pleasure his body couldn't contain.

"That's it, Lelouch, you're almost there." Suzaku whispered, voice low and husky with gentle warmth. Lelouch let out a low whine of pleasure of gratitude, and safe in the sound of Suzaku's voice, he came, a short, sharp shout telling Suzaku that his job was done.

Suzaku was perfectly content, then, to sit on the phone, listening to Lelouch catch his breath while he did the same. It always took Lelouch a little bit after coming for his head to clear. He distinctly heard Lelouch say "Wow," at one point, and laughed.

"Yeah. That was really good."

"As usual." Lelouch agreed wistfully.

Suzaku hummed, happy endorphins buzzing through his bloodstream as he sank deeper into the mattress. He was on the phone with his boyfriend, he'd done everything he needed to do for the day and could go straight to sleep, his presentation had gone well, there was… a wet spot on the sheets and comforter above him.

"Oh, crap," he muttered, standing up buck naked. "I got— on the—"

"Again!?"

"Let me live… I have to at least try to clean this up." Suzaku replied, still smiling, as he started walking to the bathroom. “Did you want to stay up and talk, or…?”

“I always want to talk to you,” Lelouch said without thinking, and Suzaku’s heart fluttered because he knew it was true. He wet a washcloth, wiped off his thighs, then rinsed it clean and wet it again. “But,” Lelouch continued, yawning, and Suzaku couldn’t help but smile fondly (even as he scrubbed his own semen stain from the comforter) “I think I may have tired myself out… a little bit, there.”

“Get some sleep, Lelouch.” Said Suzaku. “I’m flying home tomorrow night. I’ll be landing at seven, we can talk then.”

“I know. May I pick you up from the airport?”

“I’ll take a taxi. Make me dinner instead?"

“Mm.” Said Lelouch. In the time after he’d come (they kept a tissue on their bedside table to avoid the exact sort of problem Suzaku had just found himself in), he’d wiped himself off, tossed the tissue in the wastebasket, pulled his pajamas back into order, hit the light switch, and curled up underneath the covers, ridiculously cozy and snug. The soft whir of Arthur’s distant purring grew louder as he trounced up the stairs to the loft, sensing that his owner was no longer distracted, and in fact in the perfect state of mind to snuggle. He jumped onto the bed and headbutted Lelouch’s hand, mewing in appreciation when Lelouch began to pet him. “Roger that, generallll.”

“You are asleep.” Suzaku said. His voice was full of love. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

It was ridiculously early, but they both went to sleep that night with smiles on their faces.

#suzalulu #gonna start a tag for that.t....... eventually #hbd lulu! you get to phonesex subzaku up hope this is a good present lmao #mine.fic

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shesailsships · 8 years ago

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2016 in review

Tagged by @frenchcirce <3

total number of stories (completed/WIPs):

7 completed (they are one-shot fics) || 3 WIP...one fanfic and two original works

total word count:

I’m just going to tally my fanfic word counts here (my original works are always in flux, I’m constantly adding and cutting)...9,985 published without counting Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money...with counting Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money-- are you ready for this? A whopping 236,716 words. GLM had become monster sized, it’s hundreds of pages long at this point...and still going lol!

fandoms written in:

Oh gosh, I’ve written for quite a few. My very first fandom was JAG and it was what introduced me to what fanfiction was. I wrote many many fics for JAG, eons ago. They were my first writings. They’re still out there somewhere, lost in the internet. So yes, JAG for one. Later I wrote for Primeval. I’ve written a short piece for The Pretender. I tossed my hat in the ring and was moved to write a one-shot for Clintasha. Ghost Hunt though, has been a long beloved muse of mine, and the only fandom I’m currently writing for with any regularity. There are so many fandoms I follow-- I have a whole folder on my computer full of half-finished fic...I can say that I’ve attempted writing for just about every ship that I love <3

looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

I always seem to write less than I want, so sad! At the beginning of each year I have these grand plans of making more time for my writing, goals of writing for more fandoms that I love, publishing more one-shots, ect. Unfortunately, I rarely seem to be able to follow through with these plans. It’s 2017 now, and once again I’m back on the grand dreams train. I desperately want to write more this year, especially on GLM. I’d love to get four solid chapters out this year...maybe even finish it? We’ll see :)

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

We’ll since we’ve gone over the fact that I haven’t been very prolific lately, it would have to be my WIP, Ghost Hunter, Lies, & Money. That being said, I would choose GLM as my favorite anyways. I’ve been writing it for 10 years now. It’s apart of my heart, I am so tremendously proud of it <33

Original works wise, the novel idea I started revisiting in 2016 has got me so excited. I can’t wait to grow this idea more and develop it into something.

did you take any writing risks this year?

Does not writing count as a risk? lol! It sure feels risky to me...[glances at readers nervously] Not to mention I go slowly crazy without a creative outlet. I NEED TO WRITE. In all seriousness though, I feel like every time I open Word I take new risks. Approaching my original works is both a exciting and terrifying experience. I am writing out of my comfort zone, about characters I don’t know very well yet, in a setting I’m not quite knowledgeable about yet. Very different from Ghost Hunt.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

Like I said I’m in it’s-a-new-year-imma-write-lots mode, so I have lots of plans for 2017...but at the very top of my priority list is publishing new chapters for GLM. I am dying to share this final arc with my readers <3

best story of the year?

GLM...because that’s the one I feel most proud of? I feel it’s the best of my works anyways! That, and I didn’t write anything other than GLM this year. Aside from starting my original novel that is...and that’s still shaping up!

most popular story of the year?

Why, Ghost Hunters, Lies, & Money of course! I’ve had 10 years to build a following of the most lovely readers in the entire world. To know there are people out there who actually want to know ‘what happens next?!’ amazes and honors me. I am truly blessed.

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Kindred Spirits, my only Pretender fic-- as well as my Memily one-shots. The Pretender is a small fandom, so I know there’s not much traffic, but I really feel I captured ‘a moment’ in that piece, and I think other fans would enjoy it if they knew it was out there :) As for my Memily one-shots, that’s just me waving my shippy flag proudly, and wishing someone else out there would join in with me. Memily is a small niche ship inside the Primeval fandom, I’m a passionate shipper, but I’m one of the few [sigh]

most fun story to write:

GLM! I get so excited about different plot points, revealing twists, badgering my characters with embarrassing hijinks, setting up inside jokes. I often laugh to myself while writing it, much to the alarm of my cat lol!

story with the single sexiest moment:

Hee, hee, hee-- I guess it depends on your perception of sexy? Sorry kids, I don’t do NC-17. I come from the Jane Austen school of romance. A brush of the hand. A low whisper. Locked eyes. Surprise gestures, which reveal hidden feelings. Subtly. I am a huge fan of the ‘slow-burn’, building tension. Passion is an aspect of romance that is fascinating to me. I feel you can have passionate characters, involved in a passionate romance...and not have to hit the sheets in the first chapter. I really enjoy writing passionate characters... characters who are passionate about each other...and how that passion comes out. But anyways, back to the question!

Sexiest moment I’ve ever written? In my style, I guess you could look to my reviewers for an answer to this one, I’ve scattered some special moments between Mai and Naru through out my fic that I know have gotten quite a reaction ;) I personally change my mind on this all of the time, but right now I’d say the most passionate scene I’ve written, would be the final scenes of Chapter 23. Mai and Naru alone at base after the blood rain in the theater. There’s a certain intensity there, so much tension has built up between them, there are things she wants to tell him, but can’t-- and he knows it. He’s worried for her, and she’s worried for him, and through that their passion for each other shows. The whole scene has that oooh-something-might-happen feeling, you just kind of hold your breath...it’s enough to make my heart race, and I’m the one who wrote it! Yes, I know I’m a dork ^__^

most sweet story:

Bedside Manner, hands down. It’s the first piece I wrote for the Ghost Hunt fandom and it features a really sweet ‘what-if’ scenario between John and Masako, where he takes care of her at the hospital after she’s hurt on their first case. Say it with me, awwww! <3

”holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:

According to my sister, who pre-reads my GLM chapters before I post them: the Mr. Sachi x Miss Miyuki twist. Sorry? [evil cackle]

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters & most unintentionally telling story:

No exact example of this really, except that after writing GLM for so long I feel even closer to the characters, that I know them better. Also, I’m having a harder time distinguishing between canon, and the canon of my fic...oops? lol!

Writing Kindred Spirits really put me in Catherine and Sydney’s frame of mind...which was really interesting. Writing out that piece between them really helped me build better theories on who they were as characters during the events of that time, which the show kept mostly hidden from us.

hardest story to write:

I sound like a broken record, but GLM. Naturally, right? It’s my longest running work and it has a mystery plot that, believe it or not, is not my greatest strength. Then there’s the added pressure of wanting to meet not only my expectations, but the expectations of my readers. I’m a perfectionist and I end up revising so much of what I write. Takes me forever.

Also, my original novel. Every aspect of my novel is in the developing phase, nothing is certain or concrete, there’s just this vague sense of what I want the story to be and the excitement that goes with it. Every sentence I write is experimental. It has been a real challenge getting off the ground and out of my comfort zone. I have my good days and bad days. Still, I’m learning and looking forward to what these fingers will type next!

biggest disappointment:

So many things. I think that’s apart of the yin/yang of writing. I’ve written and lost pieces of original work due to computer errors. That has to be the most disappointing, down right painful actually :( I back up my work obsessively now.

Also, actually being able to write when I do have the time. It’s so funny that way. There will be plenty of times where I make the time, sit down all ready...and can’t seem to put out anything? Ah, the woes of being a writer ;)

biggest surprise:

How well received my work has been, the reviews my readers leave for me. Being a writer, putting yourself out there-- it’s nerve wrecking. Self-doubt is my friend. To get the kind of response I’ve gotten over the years, I am so grateful for it. When I say reviews fuel my writing, I truly mean it. Nothing motivates me like hearing that someone just can’t wait for more! Or that my writing has touched someone, made them laugh, ect...oh goodess! <3

taggity tags: @sy5starplaty (because I know you write :D) AND anyone else who writes that follows me, really-- I tag you! Do this, I want to hear about your writing :)

#wow #speaking of writing #I wrote A LOT here #oops lol #passionate about this topic apparently :)#thank you sooooo much for taggging me frenchcirce!!#nice people are nice #frenchcirce #about me #writing

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ciathyzareposts · 5 years ago

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Intermission: Med Systems Marathon – That was 1981!

by Will Moczarski

We’ve finished the second year of our Med Systems marathon now, and there are only four adventure games left. The company would exist for two more years, and in 1983 it was rechristened Screenplay. They would continue to operate under the new name until around 1986 but their output was meager and no new adventure games hit the market after 1983. In 1981, however, Med Systems were slowly reaching their peak: three of their innovative 3-D maze adventure games had been released by January 1981, they attracted new and talented programmers and entered the Atari market after having been an Apple ][ and especially TRS-80 company exclusively. Of course, they were not alone: 1981 was a seminal year for what was still being called “micro games”, as can be gathered from reading an extended feature from the August 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine. In it, Med Systems Software were featured as one of the most important players of the time, and it’s the best source of information you can get if you’re interested in the history of the company.

I’ve compiled some of the most interesting quotes here to set the stage for the year that was 1981 – as usual, I’ve played the non-adventure games, too, and report back about the other software released by Med Systems.

Introduction: A burgeoning industry

According to Bert Latamore’s multiple-page feature “Micro Games Sell Like Hot Cakes, Suppliers Scramble to Keep Up” in the August 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine, the software market of 1980 is estimated at $80 to $90 million retail by the IRD (International Resource Development) which is remarkable for a market that hasn’t managed to lay out many binding rules or even basic structures at that point in time. The suppliers themselves hence are rather vague when it comes to their take on the market, describing it as “very attractive” or even “unlimited”. Those were the days when one single programmer could score a veritable and lucrative hit, the age of a young Nasir Gebelli and an even younger Richard Garriott. Games were fast becoming a guilty pleasure, a kind of secret reason to buy a micro computer that soon wasn’t so secret anymore: “Professional people play games on their lunch hours, their children play educational games at school. People with no use for an accounting program buy games, and people who would never think of using word processing also play games”, Latamore writes.

Med Systems founder and president William F. Denman, jr. was also interviewed for Latamore’s feature – as one of the distinct players on the market at this point in time and as an advocate for the division of software companies’ product lines between “other kinds of software” and games (note how games quickly became the norm in this line of argumentation while business or home applications are already “other kinds of software”!). This is clearly for fiscal reasons, as Denman readily admits: “We make most of our money on games. I consider that to be a really growing market.” He goes on to say that they have seen a large expansion in the market over the last few months which may explain why all of Med Systems’ 1980 games were extensively reviewed and marketed from 1981 on and not earlier. “All kinds of games are selling well, although high speed graphics adventure games sell best”, Latamore sums up. Because of that, Med Systems “are considering” to support the Atari as their third platform. The decision must have been made rather quickly because there’s an ad in Compute! the same month for the Atari version of the Med Systems game Knossos.

Apart from Latamore’s industry report there’s another feature by the same author in that same August 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine. “A Walk on The Monster Side” provides “[a] short history of games and game development”, and it’s a really interesting read, for its arguments why games have never been better than right now seem to be repeated in every age of computer gaming up to this day. Latamore’s history includes a mini-portrait of Med Systems, too, and I’ll just quote it as a whole:

“Med Systems, Chaple Hill, NC, produces some of the most elaborate maze games. This may be a direct result of part of the firm’s philosophy. William Denman, Med System [sic!] president, said they want a game ‘someone can play for weeks, with fast graphics and reasonably different from other games.’ Anyone who has tried to find his way through Labyrinth knows what Denman means. ‘Each time we do a game it gets better,’ he said. ‘We handle the graphics better, we get things to fit better. Asylum, our newest release, is a 1,200-location maze. A programmer would find it elegant, a game player will find it devastatingly interesting.”

Denman also states that he is still writing most of his games for 16K memory because his company has many customers overseas who still own older machines. “Curiously, while his company does not handle arcade games, he admits the arcades are his favorites, and he admires Big Five Software’s products.”

Another testimony to the boom of the software (or rather games) market in 1981 is an employment ad by Med Systems from the August 1981 issue of Compute! magazine. Software developers are wooed to “join the company of bestselling authors at Med Systems. We have an established market spanning the free world and royalties second to none. We seek excellent games, utilities and applications packages. Only the best are accepted! If you have authored software you feel is publishable, submit it to Med Systems, Software Review Section.” They were really stressing their claim to excellence back then, as you can also see in the subsequent part: “MED SYSTEMS has been publishing and distributing software worldwide since 1979. We publish only the best! […] We know how hard it is to wait for that perfect program. We even guarantee satisfaction! If you don’t like our software, return it within 14 days for a prompt, cheerful refund. If you have a problem, call us 10-6 EST. We are here to serve you.” Now that’s what I call service-oriented.

Med Systems has quickly developed from a one-man company to one with at least two more employees – Frank L. Corr, jr. and Simon Smith. They also attracted a couple of contractors who were notable talents: Jyym Pearson and Arti Haroutunian. As the market expanded, their marketing strategies became increasingly aggressive, as can be seen in the October 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine. In it, there are no less than three full-page ads by Med Systems back to back which must have cost quite a dime. Put simply, they were on top of things, and while Asylum proved to be a successful game that even merited a sequel, their first arcade games like Laser Defense finally went through the roof.

1981: Employees and Contractors

a. Frank L. Corr, jr.

Frank L. Corr, jr. had made himself a name as a prolific programmer of 3-D mazes by August 1981. Consequently, he was the subject of a longer feature article by Mike Nadeau in 80 Computing Magazine telling us much about Frank’s background that would otherwise remain unknown. By the summer of 1981, Frank had designed Rat’s Revenge and Deathmaze 5000 on his own, and collaborated with his boss William Denman for Labyrinth and Asylum. According to the feature in question, “Frank Corr – Making the Ultimate Maze”, he was an 18-year-old freshman at MIT when he wrote Rat’s Revenge. He got a marketing offer by William Denman on the spot which surprised him because, possibly in the non-commercial spirit of an MIT programmer, he had not planned to sell the game. Corr simply replied: “Fine, you can market it, but I want to learn machine language first.” While Corr wrote an English research paper on machine language, probably in early 1980, Denman went on to sell Rat’s Revenge. In June 1980 Frank Corr was employed by Denman to use his newly acquired skills for a fast machine-language 3-D maze adventure game. The fact that Deathmaze 5000 sometimes feels so different from its peers may be reflected in Corr’s statement that he “never played an adventure game until [he] was halfway through Deathmaze.” Fans of the game seem to have loved the new concept but Corr realized he had to provide more clues in his subsequent adventure games. He thus teamed up with Denman who already had the experience of Reality Ends under his belt. Labyrinth was the fruit of this collaboration between the writer Denman and the graphics programmer Corr, it seems. Most of the frustrating aspects of Labyrinth are attributed to Corr who called his frustrating teleporters “a cute little stunt.”

Corr was especially proud of Asylum which he though was twice as good as Deathmaze 5000. According to Nadeau, “[h]e attributes much of the improvement to a routine he discovered in January that allows graphics to be stored as data.” And according to Corr, Asylum is “by far an easier game” than Deathmaze 5000. I tend to disagree.

Source: Spring 1981 Med Systems Catalog

Interestingly, Corr was working on another adventure game for the TRS-80 in August 1981 but sadly it never saw the light of day. “The graphics will be vastly improved, with octagonal rooms, and use a space station or similar setting, Corr said. After that, Corr wants to write real-time arcade-style games based on the Atari micro, whose graphics capabilities Corr prefers. He intends to stay with Med Systems, however.” Asylum remained Corr’s last game, at least as far as I know. Its sequel was programmed by William Denman alone, and he never published anything for the Atari micros. I find it interesting that Corr and Denman both were looking to arcade games for inspiration (and their own enjoyment) while they were busy making adventure games. This is also what Med Systems and later Screenplay followed up on as companies. Also, Frank Corr appears to have been very optimistic about games conquering the home, a prediction that has long since been proven right: “Most people will be home playing games and not watching TV, which is good!”

b. Arti Haroutunian, Simon Smith, Jyym & Robyn Pearson

Arti Haroutunian published his first game Microworld through Med Systems. This made him the company’s second contractor after Frank L. Corr, jr. but other than Corr, he never joined as an employee. Microworld fits the Med Systems catalog quite nicely as it follows up the journey into the human body that is The Human Adventure (1980) with a journey to the center of a TRS-80. Haroutunian’s next games were all action or arcade games and published through Tronix Publishing until he landed a lucrative deal with Activision for a computer port of River Raid in 1984. Moreover, Haroutunian was responsible for Juice! (1983) which one of our admins, TBD, has a soft spot for. Other notable ports by Haroutunian include Skate or Die (1988) for EA as well as Pac-Mania (1991), the side-scrolling jump’n’run that famously predated Super Mario Bros. in the mid-80s. He went on to work on three WWF wrestling games in the 1990s and later joined Disney Interactive Studios for some licensed property games in the 2010s. What he did in between 1994 and 2008 or since 2015, I don’t know. For our purposes, Microworld is the only Med Systems game and the only adventure game he ever did. He appears to have returned to the fold briefly for the Atari port of his own game in 1983, now letting the player experience a journey to the center of an Atari 400 or 800.

Simon Smith appears to be Med Systems’s second employee, at least in the programming sector, as he exclusively worked for them as well as their successor Screenplay. He wrote the business application GRBasic for them (more on that below) in 1981 and his first game Knossos was released around May of the same year. He went on to write Laser Defense as well as a port of Sentinel in 1982 and possibly Cyborg as well as Arena 3000 in 1982 but we’ll get into that another time. I’m not really sure about Smith’s ludology because, as you can imagine, it’s rather futile to google someone called Simon Smith.

Jyym Pearson was at the center of our attention for quite some posts now. I dedicated a whole mini-marathon to his and his wife Robyn’s work. They were apparently also contractors for Med Systems and released The Institute (1981), Lucifer’s Realm (1982), The Paradise Threat (1982) and The Farvar Legacy (1983) through William Denman’s company. Their OtherVentures games as well as Saigon: The Final Days were all written between 1980 and 1981, although Saigon may have been released as late as 1983. They never released anything new after The Farvar Legacy except for ports and compilations of his earlier work. Jyym Pearson sadly passed on in 1994. I would have loved to interview him, as his personal style is really something different, and apparently Med Systems knew how to build upon his reputation, marketing many of his titles by using his name.

Source: Analog Computing 08 (11/1982)

Source: Antic Vol. 2 No. 1 (4/1983)

1981 Non-Adventure Games

a. Knossos (by Simon Smith, August 1981, source: Compute!)

I first thought that Knossos was another 3-D adventure game in the vein of Labyrinth but in reality it’s a close cousin to Rat’s Revenge using a different look (I’m not sure if you could call that a different ‘engine’, really). It is related to Labyrinth, however, through their shared mythology. Both feature a minotaur who’s out to get the player but in Knossos you don’t have to solve any puzzles to evade him. A minotaur in a labyrinth always spells Knossos, of course, so they’re technically set in the same imaginary storyworld. From Beowulf to Plutarch, Med Systems sure knew their classics off pat.

The plot is rather simple according to this September 1981 ad from 80 Microcomputing Magazine:

“You are isolated and alone in the maze at Knossos, Crete. Somewhere, a minotaur is tracking your scent. Can you find the only door without becoming minotaur’s meat?” Also, the ad explains the gameplay quite concisely: “Knossos is a 3-D graphic simulation. Mazes are represented by a perspective view, as though you are actually there. These graphics are not the simple, square graphics you have seen before. An entirely new representation has been implemented giving a true cave-like quality. And like all Med Systems 3-D graphics, lightening fast screen generation is standard. Other features include chalk with which to mark the floor for reference points, randomly generated mazes, distance counters for exit, and monster graphics. A typical game might last 15-20 minutes. This is the first Tandy 3-D arcade game ever offered.” The last sentence is especially telling. William Denman made a real job of his ambitions to enter the arcade business as soon as possible.

Playing Knossos feels like stepping into a mixture of Deathmaze 5000 and Labyrinth without the adventure game elements. The objective is to escape the minotaur’s maze (not kill it) and I can use chalk to (presumably) find my way through the maze. There is a fixed maze and a randomiser. I can also select the difficulty level: a slow minotaur and 10 chalk marks is the easy mode, whereas true professionals only need 2 chalk marks, prefer to have no range and enjoy running from a very fast minotaur.

The labyrinth looks different because, like the ad said, the graphics are more suggestive of a cave than the straight walls of the Continuum games. If the minotaur comes too close for comfort, there’s a warning message (you’ll see this a lot). It’s not easy to die in easy mode and impossible not to die in hard mode, at least for me. If you do, the game taunts you, Med Systems style: “You have just been chomped up into many pieces and left to rot away in a remote corner of the maze. Better luck next time!” Also, the minotaur looks essentially the same as in Labyrinth, if I remember correctly.

As it’s possible to map the permanent maze, that’s obviously the easiest task. However, I succeed with a random map and manage to solve the game on my second attempt. I have to admit that it’s not very thrilling and the replay value is rather low. This is more or less exactly the same game as Rat’s Revenge with a few extra features and nicer graphics. It’s neither cerebral nor action-packed, it’s something in between – and that makes it a little boring.

b. Laser Defense (by Simon Smith, December 1981, source: 80 Microcomputing)

As we were able to see above, Simon Smith was apparently the new go-to guy for arcade games within the small Med Systems company. Laser Defense was released the same year as Knossos and – according to later advertisements of the Atari port – went on to become a veritable success. The manual is still in existence (thanks to archive.org), and it does a good job of summing up the game’s general metaphor: “Laser Defense places you in control of the United States strategic defense satellites. These satellites sit spinning in orbit, ready to intercept nuclear missiles with high-energy laser beams. They also have the capability to destroy missile silos on the ground.” That description sounds a bit like a home version of Atari’s Missile Command which had been a huge hit in the arcades the previous year but we’ll see if that holds true.

To quote the back of the manual: “The screen shows you the United States and its cities as though viewing them from orbit. […] With the press of a button, you can see Europe and the Soviet Union. Missile launchers are visible, and even as you watch, a continuous stream of nuclear rockets rise and disappear over the pole to destroy your home cities. The goal is simple: destroy all the missile silos while intercepting rockets launched toward the U.S. Pulverize the enemy. Keep your cities alive. As you proceed to each new wave, more and faster missiles are launched. Particle beam weapons on underground MX tracks attempt to blast your satellites from orbit, and your fingers itch to activate the final defense . . . ERADICATION!”

I’ll admit right away that I suck at playing Laser Defense. I never beat my first score of 2.200 again, and although the game is a lot like Missile Command (which I like) I don’t understand why it’s suddenly game over. You can shoot incoming missiles with your laser which has a pretty good scope, so it’s not really hard to hit them. Another option is the “eradicator” which makes sense when a lot of missiles scatter the screen. Pressing “1” will change the maps, meaning you will see Europe instead of North America – however, the missiles are ostensibly launched in the Soviet Union and I can’t find any way to interact with them on the European map. Finally, I am unable to try out the 2-player game but it seems notable that there is one.

Because I am not a wimp but an adventure gamer, my journey doesn’t end there. After my first session, I read the manual again and find that I have overlooked one crucial detail: you need to destroy the missile silos on the European map while defending your cities against the attacks on the American map. This turns out to be a lot more fun, and I am much more successful now. Four attack waves perish, and I am rewarded more than 10.000 points. Very nice! After a while, there may be a nuclear plant located in East Germany. According to the manual, you can destroy it with the eradicator but when I try to do just that, it always drains my energy but doesn’t blow up. Also, the game is always over when the Soviets manage to build some kind of SDI defense – as soon as that one is finished, it destroys all of my attack satellites right away, and I lose. There seem to be ten attack waves, maybe more, but I am not trying to get good at Laser Defense, I just want to get an impression of it. It’s a very well-made arcade game and I can see that it was a huge success for such a relatively unimpressive machine as the TRS-80.

1981 Applications

a. GRBasic (by Simon Smith, May 1981, source: 80 Microcomputing Magazine)

Med Systems also released three more business (or college) applications. I won’t go into detail with these and wasn’t able to test any of them but for the sake of completeness I’ll try to give you an impression what (I think) they did.

GRBasic was programmed by Simon Smith who seems to have had a productive 1981. The program offered “fully integrated basic graphic commands for the [TRS-80] Model I and Model III”, meaning it enabled you to create lines and shape tables while allowing for scaling and rotating them. It’s an extension to common Tandy BASIC packages (Level II or Disk BASIC) to include a graphics command set, which probably means you needed to employ BASIC commands to draw lines, tables and other shapes on the screen.

GRBasic was seemingly geared for developers and possibly scientists. It was a unique product meant to improve the Tandy computer line to compete with the superior Apple ][ computer. To quote an ad from the May 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine: “GRBasic will allow the professional user to produce data graphs and displays with unbelievable ease. […] 3-D animation from BASIC is now a reality!” It’s well possible that GRBasic is essentially a marketable byproduct of Knossos and Laser Defense, as the graphic examples in the ad all stem from micro games.

In September 1981, Med Systems released an add-on for GRBasic allowing for “the plotting of almost any function, including polar coordinate based figures, parametric equations, and almost any wave form”: the GRBasic Function Plotter. A set of both on disk set you back $44.90 which would be about $126.83 in 2019.

b. Qwerty 3.0 (September 1981, source: HE Computronics)

Also in September 1981, Med Systems introduced Qwerty 3.0, a complex typeset program with easy printer support catering exclusively to academics. According to the December 1981 ad in 80 Microcomputing Magazine, Qwerty 3.0 “has seen thousands of hours of use in a university environment. A master’s thesis and a statistical doctoral dissertation were produced and accepted right off a Centronics 737 [a dot-matrix printer] using this package.” Med Systems, as usual, are very convinced of the quality of their product: “Since introducing Qwerty 3.0 in September, people have been calling to ask if we were making ludicrous claims. The answer is NO! Qwerty 3.0 does all we claimed and more! No other software of this type can match Qwerty 3.0.”

Interestingly, you could buy the manual first (a steal at only $10!) to check out Qwerty’s features before jumping in at the deep end: “For cautious buyers, we offer the manual (over 70 pages) for $10. When you decide to buy Qwerty 3.0, we will credit the full manual price.”

c. SPM (by Bruce P. Douglass, December 1981, source: 80 Microcomputing Magazine)

Bruce P. Douglass, a hitherto unknown Med Systems employee or contractor, wrote the company’s third killer application of 1981: Statistical Package for Microcomputers (SPM). It caters to those who want to use their TRS-80 for statistical analyses. Among its impressive features are descriptive statistics, analysis of variance, two way analysis of variance, linear regression, multiple unear regression, non-linear regression, and multiple non-linear regression. SPM is also able to transform the data, e.g. through linear transformations, logarithms, exponentiation, absolute values, and trigonometric functions.

Final tidbits: New findings about 1980 Games

a. Reality Ends: Authorship confirmed

Finally, some news about the older games! According to Jason Dyer over at Renga in Blue, my assumption that William F. Denman, jr. was the author of Reality Ends turned out to be correct. He got the confirmation from the proprietory of Ye Olde Infocom Shoppe who own a copy which, I presume, includes the manual.

b. Money Master: Test turned up

In the last summary I wasn’t able to say much about the educational game Money Master because it seems to be lost and thus unavailable. The February 1981 issue of 80 Microcomputing Magazine contains a review by Sherry M. Taylor at least, so I can flesh it out a little more this time.

According to the review, Money Master “is designed to give children practice counting money.” Seems like the right game for the dawn of the Reagan decade, right? “There are drills in adding coins and bills and drills in making change[,]” Taylor continues. I’ll just quote the review from here on out, as otherwise I would just be paraphrasing a game I wasn’t able to play which seems a bit silly.

“When the student enters a room in which there is an object, the screen clears and shows drawings representing the coins, penny through half-dollar, in a column with a graphics $1 and $5 bill. The student pays for the object by indicating how many of each coin or bill are needed to make up its exact price.

When a creature is encountered, the student is told how much the toll is and what the creature took. Alongside the coins, the student is then shown his change. The student must determine whether the creature gave back the correct change, and indicate yes or no. If the student’s answer is wrong, the computer displays the correct answer. The creature or object is moved to another room to be faced again. If the student gets the amount correct, but another combination of coins is better, that answer is also shown. He is given credit for a correct answer, but cannot use 68 pennies to pay for something that costs 68q. In this case, the computer informs him that the amount is correct, but he has used too many coins. Each game is different. There are two dozen creatures and objects stored in memory, but only six are used for any game. The arrangement of the rooms and hallways is random.

A graphic representation of the player shows him walking along the hallways, commanded by the arrow keys on the keyboard. The animation routine is simple, but adds a nice touch. […] When all the objects have been bought and the creatures dispelled, the game ends. Everything the child bought is shown on the screen, along with the percentage of correct answers. The program has three levels of difficulty. Easy deals with amounts under $1; moderate, up to $5; hard, up to $10. I wish the program had a preschool level. This option could allow 79 pennies to be accepted for payment, or keep the prices to a total of one coin. This way the preschooler could match the coin to the price, penny by penny. The program is written in BASIC and uses 16K memory.”

Med Systems Marathon Overview: (a) 1980 Summary (b) Reality Ends (1980) (c) Rat’s Revenge / Deathmaze 5000 (1980) (d) Labyrinth (1980) (e) Asylum (1981) (f) Microworld (1981) (g) The Institute (1981)

Jyym & Robyn Pearson Mini-Marathon Overview: (a) Curse of Crowley Manor (1981) (b) Escape from Traam (1981) (c) Earthquake – San Francisco 1906 (1981) (d) Saigon: The Final Days (1981)

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/intermission-med-systems-marathon-that-was-1981/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

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racingtoaredlight · 5 years ago

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The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 11

I typed “Bama LSU” into tumblr’s gif search and this was the only result. I take it as a representation of my flawless technique as a writer.

Let’s see if I have the heart or interest to write anything worthwhile below. I’ve probably already done the best work possible in this world. FBSchedules and Vegas Insider are supporting this post materially, unwitting yet they be.

Saturday, November 9

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Vanderbilt at 10 Florida 12:00pm ESPN

This doesn’t belong on television. This is not the kind of thing people should waste their lives on and I mean that for the players and coaches.

4 Penn State at 17 Minnesota 12:00pm ABC

Gophers +6.5 is an absolutely sure thing. It’s either that or there is no god. You can only choose one.

WKU at Arkansas 12:00pm SECN

Have you guys followed the whole Deadspin saga from the last few weeks? My favorite part was that Maidment guy that set the whole cycle in motion and then had to write a bunch of shitty content himself to make the site look sort of normal after everybody quit. I laughed heartily at his horrible writing but I can’t help feeling I’m that kind of brainless dummy clacking away at a company laptop to produce as little impact as possible with my unoriginal words. Anyway, enjoy this version of the Petrino Bowl.

UMass at Army 12:00pm CBSSN

Army is favored by 34.5. Army is fucking awful. It’s insane that UMass has a win over an FBS team this season. Once you get blown out by UConn, people forget all about your big win over Akron. Anyway, take UMass to cover because, as many are saying, Army is fucking awful.

Purdue at Northwestern 12:00pm BTN

As today’s contemporary children are quite fond of saying, it’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.

Texas Tech at West Virginia 12:00pm ESPN2

Long gone are the days of Holgo and... the guy that coaches the Cardinals now. They both used shitty seasons to get better money this year. So now Texas Tech vs. West Virginia is just bland gruel hardly fit for a shithead on his couch.

Maryland at 1 Ohio State 12:00pm FOX

We’re into the BCS rankings part of the season so now Ohio State is ranked #1, which I mostly agree with. I still hope they lose way more often than not but I’m sort of ambivalent here. Last year Maryland fucked up and blew a great chance to upset Ohio State and I watched it with friends who are not football degenerates a day or two after our friend’s funeral. On that note, Ohio State -44 is a strong recommend.

Florida State at Boston College 12:00pm ACCN

A week ago I would not have guessed FSU could fuck themselves so thoroughly against Miami that they’d be playing with an interim head coach this week. The rumor mill for the permanent hire in Tallahassee is hilarious: Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, Bob Stoops, Jim Leavitt and Deion Sanders. The nicest thing I saw about Deion’s resume was that he was the OC for a high school in Texas a few years ago. I don’t think that was his sham unaccredited school. That school was in Florida, wasn’t it? That’s quite the resume to put up against the other four. Coach Deion is a dream we can all have.

East Carolina at 25 SMU 12:00pm ESPNU

Condolences to SMU as Memphis didn’t continually shoot themselves in the dick like they normally do in high profile games. This should be a good bounceback game but the action on the line (moving 3 points towards ECU) tells me people didn’t really think that much of SMU in the first place.

12 Baylor at TCU 12:00pm FS1

I honestly don’t have any sort of read on whether Baylor’s 8-0 record is because they’re back to being good or if they’ve just feasted on mostly shitty teams. Which I guess is all they ever did under Briles, anyway. Well, TCU sucks this year so I’m not really excited to check in on this one unless there’s an exciting finish like TCU is driving with under a minute to score their 10th TD of the day before time expires to seal the shutout.

Georgia Tech at Virginia 12:30pm RSN

For as long as I live, I will only ever think of the 1990 game between these two whenever they match up.

Air Force at New Mexico Postponed

This game is postponed due to the death of UNM defensive end, Nahje Flowers. R.I.P.

UTSA at Old Dominion 2:00pm ESPN3

South Alabama at Texas State 3:00pm ESPN3

Charlotte at UTEP 3:00pm ESPN+

Stanford at Colorado 3:00pm Pac-12N

19 Wake Forest at Virginia Tech 3:30pm ACCN

If VPISU hadn’t fucked it at the end against Notre Dame last week they’d probably be ranked ahead of Wake Forest. After Wake Forest loses this week, the boys from VPI might actually jump over them, anyway.

USC at Arizona State 3:30pm ABC

Now this is more like it! I don’t mean this game is interesting for watchin’ ‘em up or gambling, but the part where both teams are unranked and struggling. USC just hired a new AD from Cincinnati and he... knows Urban Meyer? Or the draw of being from UC will be just too much for Urban to resist? Or Urban picked the guy himself as a condition of considering coaching in the Coliseum? Still seems less than done to me but I’m still holding out hope that Urban Meyer never coaches again and his family leaves him.

Louisville at Miami (FL) 3:30pm ESPN2

Still fading The U for now. The 9 sacks and the easy win over FSU were nice but FSU hasn’t had a good offensive line since Jameis Winston won the Heisman and things are in a bit of disarray there. Louisville is a better team than most people realize and they’ll run straight at Miami instead of whatever the FSU gameplan was last week. Things may have turned a corner in Coral Gables but I’m inclined to believe the biggest leap they made last week was beating up on a familiar foe who is very down in the dumps and ready to quit at a moment’s notice.

UAB at Southern Miss 3:30pm NFLN

UAB failed us big time last week and now they’re a road underdog. I didn’t realize the Favres had crawled back to being decent. I don’t have a take on the line but this is probably the best game that’s been stuck on NFL Network so far this year.

Georgia Southern at Troy 3:30pm ESPN+

Each year I struggle to remember which one is Georgia Southern and which one is Georgia State and each year I fail to attempt to fix that.

UConn at 20 Cincinnati 3:30pm CBSSN

UC on UC - it’s gonna be a bloodbath! The Ohesians are only favored by 34 against the sad huskies. That seems like a slap in the face to any reasonably well prepared football program, let alone a top 25 one.

Illinois at Michigan State 3:30pm FS1

Illinois is a half game up on Sparty right now and rumors are flying that D’antonio is gonna retire after the season. Now, let’s go kill Tom Izzo. Michigan State is favored by 14.5 in this game and, seriously, can they even score that much in one game? Take the Illini and know that you’re on the side of good even if your bets don’t come through.

2 LSU at 3 Alabama 3:30pm CBS

Weeks of press for this GAME OF THE CENTURY OF THIS YEAR THIS WEEK and then the BCS poll comes out and it isn’t even a real 1 v. 2 matchup. That’s funny. I keep waiting for something to go wildly wrong with LSU but also feel like Bama being favored by a touchdown seems off, especially if Tua is at less than full operational capacity.

16 Kansas State at Texas 3:30pm ESPN

I’ve thought Texas was overrated all year and look at them now. Favored by 7 at home against a better team. Even unrated Texas is somehow still overrated.

18 Iowa at 13 Wisconsin 4:00pm FOX

This has all the makings of a great all-time eyerake. Wisconsin -9 seems absolutely insane but so does Wisconsin #13.

New Mexico State at Mississippi 4:00pm SECN

A classic rivalry game.

North Texas at Louisiana Tech 4:00pm Facebook

A spirited game between the 096ers and the Karl Malone Got His 13-Year Old Cousin Pregnant While He Was In School Heres always gets the blood pumping.

Georgia State at ULM 5:00pm ESPN+

ESPN+ games don’t count as watch ‘em ups. Does anybody in the comments actually pay for this shit? It seems insane. $8/month for access to 30 For 30 that you effectively already have and the + is the absolute worst filth college sports can throw at you.

FIU at Florida Atlantic 6:00pm Stadium

Really have no idea what to tell you. I think I understand both of these teams and then I’m proven wrong week after week. I’m rooting for FIU if that helps.

Appalachian State at South Carolina 7:00pm ESPN2

South Carolina is favored by 5.5. That’s more than the homefield bump. Does App State run the same offense as Georgia where the QB isn’t allowed to throw past the line of scrimmage and running backs are encouraged to run straight into the backs of their offensive linemen?

Missouri at 6 Georgia 7:00pm ESPN

Hey, speaking of Georgia! They don’t get nearly enough credit for being the worst team in America to watch for entertainment purposes. It’s like Kirby Smart is trying to take all of the late career criticism that Mark Richt faced at UGA and The U and reach the same end point by the time he’s coached four season in Athens.

Utah State at Fresno State 7:00pm CBSSN

Jordan Love. I just don’t know. He’s like a more careless version of Josh Allen. Is somebody really going to draft that in the first round? He has a year of eligibility left. I don’t know if he’s due to graduate in time but if he could find his way to Missouri that might really benefit both parties.

Washington State at California 7:00pm Pac-12N

A fine specimen of Pac-12 After Dark but only like 8% of the country can even watch it legally.

15 Notre Dame at Duke 7:30pm ACCN

On a positive note, whatever happens in this game we can all laugh at the losers.

Liberty at BYU 7:30pm ESPNU

Bergie’s Watch ‘Em Of The Year!

Tennessee at Kentucky 7:30pm SECN

Let’s go whiskey!

5 Clemson at NC State 7:30pm ABC

Clemson is outside looking in at the CFP! Panic! They’ll be #3 next week!

Iowa State at 9 Oklahoma 8:00pm FOX

In the parlance of our times, Iowa State is a messy bitch who loves drama. Will the Sooners get bailed out if things are tight at the end? Absolutely. But I would still put a dime or even a quarter on the Cyclones to keep it closer than 14.5.

Wyoming at 22 Boise State 10:15pm ESPN

I think if I surveyed the commenterate here they mostly hate Boise State and that tells me you’re a bunch of idiots. A nothing program rising like they did without a Phil Knight or an oil magnate backing them and they play their home games at night on blue turf? How do you joyless pricks live with your humorless brains? I fucking love MWC football and I love the blue turf. This is a great game. Long live the Potatoes.

Nevada at San Diego State 10:30pm ESPN2

The real late night games are all MWC this week and that is fucking beautiful. Just look at this. SDSU was ranked last week but then we switched over to CFP rankings and those pricks couldn’t just give us one more group of five school. Nuhvaddduh is OK this year and SDSU isn’t quite rolling up the rushing yards they have for the past five years so maybe this will be entertaining even beyond the pretty laundry?

San Jose State at Hawaii 11:00pm Spectrum Sports

I don’t actually know what Spectrum Sports is now that I think about it. This is, on paper, a pretty even matchup. If you want to keep yourself occupied into the early morning hours, SJSU at +7 seems a decent value in these here puffy, darkened eyes.

#saturday post #watch em up #degenerate football #football #gambling #tv #rtarl watches tv

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foodoliplife · 5 years ago

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Scholastic writing is really a specific design utilized in formal essays as well as other assessments for the program.

it takes formal language, a rational framework and really should be sustained by evidence. It really is a ability which you shall should find out and develop across your time and effort at University. Be sure you make use of the given information in your module guides and feedback from your own lecturers to boost, you may even have workshops included in your program.

Utilize the resources below to build up your writing abilities if you may need more help take a look at our tutorials that are online

To get more information usage one of the publications with this reading list.

Making plans for your projects

There are many different actions to take into account to be sure you hit those deadlines. Our checklist will ideally allow you to get started:

In addition our web page on time administration will provide you with plenty of tips and hints about making the best usage of your energy eg starting out, working with distractions, handling time effortlessly.

Simple, clear framework

A good framework to your assignment is vital to ensuring your audience can follow your argument. If you should be composing an essay, your current framework are going to be an introduction, primary human anatomy and summary. Our Essay framework guide provides overview that is good. Each one of these parts comes with a essential part.

Your audience should be aware of from your own introduction the manner in which you are likely to answer comprehensively the question. This is actually the signpost that is major of essay and really should introduce the subject shortly and recognize one of the keys points you will deal with. It ought to be around 5% of one’s term count. Get more info information in our guide: how exactly to compose introductions.

The primary human body of one’s essay could be the almost all your projects, about 80percent of the terms. Here we ought to view a progression that is logical of argument and references to literature which you have actually read. Utilize paragraphs to separate your lives your key ideas and team associated paragraphs together. This may avoid your essay jumping around and also make it flow.

Finally, an excellent summary will reiterate the key points or revisit the main element themes which you have actually discussed in the primary element of your essay. Most of the points you mention in your summary needs to have recently been talked about within the body that is main of essay. This would be around 15percent of the word count. We now have increased detail in oure handout: Structuring a summary

Paragraphs

You may have heard that the absolute most feature that is important of paragraph is it really is one ‘big idea’. Which means that you need to check always each paragraph and also make certain that all content pertains to one subject.

Paragraphs will be the blocks of one’s essay. Even though they might differ in accordance with your area that is subject and of essay. Each one of these must have the exact same core elements. Have a look at our Paragraph framework handout to learn more. It’s also advisable to consider organising your subjects in an order that is logical making certain each of them connect with your concern and learning objectives. You will need to make connections betwixt your paragraphs by utilizing linking terms and expressions.

Syntax

It really is a myth that scholastic writing has got to include lengthy, complicated sentences. In the event that you write in this manner, your audience will forget that which you stated at the start of your phrase and can soon be lost. Your task as a writer would be to provide your details and argument to your audience plainly so they really aren’t kept wondering just what you suggest. All of your sentences will be able to standalone as a sub point out the ‘big idea’ of your paragraph. a good technique to search for quality of phrasing, sentence size and punctuation positioning would be to read your projects aloud.

Creating a coherent argument or movement

This does not fundamentally imply that you may be composing an “argumentative” essay, more utilizing a rational progression or thread to steer your reader throughout your work. This can be determined by your project and may even change from a “narrative” leading your reader through your conversation, to having a more powerful stance having line of reasoning that develops an instance. Usually that stance gets more powerful while you move up the scholastic amounts and you develop “your vocals”.

Clarity – there’s absolutely no brief cut for this, you’ll want to read and consume the knowledge so that you are unmistakeable exactly what you need to state. This sets the agenda for anything else; the dwelling, ev >

Arrange – organise your details into tips and points that are subsidary. Essays generally begin with a topic that is broad then slim down.

Utilize paragraphing to make sure a clear structure. You can make use of a reverse outline approach to check on this. You need to be in a position to sum each paragraph up in a few terms. This offer you a plan of that which you have actually discussed. Could it be into the most useful purchase?

Look at your paragraph coherence. Is everything in there highly relevant to the heavily weighed of the paragraph or have actually you gone off topic?

Signpost your reader – utilize signposts that are major direct your reader and linking words to build up movement and then make your thinking better.

Assess your proof but indicate which side you fall on.

It is sound and not based on fallacy if you are making an argument make sure. Avoid cherry selecting just the evidence that is supporting ensure you consider both edges. Do not assume causation predicated on correlation e.g simply given that it rains each and every time we set up my tent does not mean i will be making it rain.

Utilizing your reading

Help evidence ( references to your writing) which are presented accurately

Scholastic writing is about utilising the literary works you have got read to guide the argument which you show your audience. Prevent making any statements without supporting all of them with a guide; as an example, you need to show your reader evidence of that claim being true, you will not persuade them simply by saying it if you make the claim girls are better than boys. So, don’t forget to add evidence that is supporting frequently references to posted literary works. Additionally, make an effort to think of all edges of a disagreement – there are that the writers you read don’t constantly agree and also you need certainly to provide your personal audience with an entire account associated with subject. Consequently, you ought to show you’ve got considered the views that are different exist.

Ensure you reference your proof properly. Take a look at Referencing web web page.

Could I consist of long quotations during my essay?

You could add long quotations in your writing, even though this just isn’t a practice that is encouraged many projects. Direct quotations more than three lines have to be presented differently from faster quotations. Longer quotations have to be presented in a paragraph that is separate quote markings and in addition indented from the remaining margin; for instance:

Writing can’t be separated off their procedures such as for example expression, goal-setting, research and organisation. As your writing abilities develop and also you be much more mindful of what exactly is needed, you will be more creative and flexible in your approach to writing (Cottrell, 2003, p. 143).

In the place of including quotes that are direct you should think about re-writing the quote totally is likely to terms (paraphrasing). By paraphrasing you’re showing your examiner which you have actually comprehended the literary works you have got read; this ability is certainly not shown whenever you quote straight. Please keep in mind that once you paraphrase, you nevertheless still need to reference the concept you have got presented due to the fact concept may be the author’s work and perhaps maybe not your own personal.

Go through the website link for many types essay help of paraphrasing.

Structure and style

Utilizing more formal and considered language

Scholastic writing is focused on precision as well as your selection of terms should be produced very carefully. Always stay away from casual terms and colloquial expressions since these don’t appearance really expert. As an example, do not add contractions (can’t, is not) in your writing, merely write these down in full (cannot, just isn’t).

Then on you can just use the abbreviation if you use any abbreviations, for example: OT, NC, make sure you have explained them in full first as well as showing your reader the abbreviation you will use: Occupational Therapy (OT), National Curriculum (NC) from.

Steering clear of the utilization of the very first individual (we)

In educational writing, you really need to often avoid 1st individual; for instance, never make statements such as for instance: in relation to the literary works i’ve read, We think that… alternatively, you will need to inform you in your writing you are being objective; usage statements such as for instance: based on the literature, it may be argued that…This programs your audience that you’re perhaps not presenting your own personal ideas and views but supplying these with a disagreement that is based on the investigation and proof within the literature you’ve got read. For lots more samples of scholastic phrases, check out: www.phrasebank.manchester.ac.uk.

#food #recipe #Scholastic writing is really a specific design utilized in formal essays as well as ot

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emilyemcnabb · 7 years ago

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20 Things You Don’t Know About Me

Find out 20 things you don’t know about me! Get to know Chris Nease better, and find out what’s on my mind, here.

Around this time every year I become very reflective about this blog space and where it’s going. This year, maybe more than any other, I feel a pull to expand what I do here. In the fall of 2018 I will have been blogging for 10 years; that’s a dinosaur in this arena! My focus has always been parties and entertaining which has been my passion for 20 years, but I find myself wanting to represent more than that. I’m not exactly sure how that looks in the big scheme of things, but I’ve always dabbled with home decor, travel, and fashion blog posts along the way so maybe I’ll explore those more.

This year I’m going to do some soul searching and possibly experimenting with new ideas. For one thing I feel like I’ve got some serious life experience behind me that could help to advise the ‘under 35’ crowd out there. I read a lot of online articles with tips about life, but they’re all written by 30-somethings. Why not share my perspective?…someone over 40 who’s been there, done that! Maybe I’ll share some personal struggles too, as part therapy session for me-part support system for others.

I’ll always be working on fun entertaining content to bring your way, but in addition, I’ll be trying to figure things out for the future too.

Right now though, I thought it would be amusing to share some little know facts about my self. Inspired by this post and others like it on Instagram and around the web, I decided I’d open up and share some interesting details about “me.” FYI, the photos seen in this post are from a styling workshop I attending in the Fall where we practiced flat lays & table settings, learned brush calligraphy & flower arranging, and studied business & planning strategies. Photos by Blue Barn Photography.

20 Things You Don’t Know About Me

I grew up in farm country in Wendell, NC until my parents divorced when I was 9. My mom, sister and I moved to the city (Raleigh) for a new life, and we ended up moving 3 times in 3 years, which meant 3 different schools in 4th, 5th, and 6th grades…

My hidden talent: I can touch my nose with my tongue.

My guilty pleasure is BRAVO tv shows! Real Housewives of NYC, Beverly Hills, OC, Dallas…Vanderpump Rules…Southern Charm…I can’t get enough!

If I hadn’t started this blog 9 years ago (which turned into a career) I honestly have NO idea what I’d be doing right now. After being a stay-at-home mom for eight years I couldn’t imagine going back to work in the corporate world. I was definitely in the right place at the right time when I started all of this.

When it comes to vacations and travel I’m a city girl. I have no desire to go to a tropical beach destination! Other things I don’t get into that “everyone” else likes: DisneyLand/World, Game of Thrones, raw fish sushi.

I was Homecoming queen in high school…however I’ve always felt like a misfit, not fitting into any particular “group.”

When I was 18 I purchased an entire set of china, crystal, flatware, and cookware. I bought it on a payment plan and needless to say, when I got married there was no need to register for china/crystal. I still have, and use everything – the china is very simple and classic with silver banding, so it’ll never go out of style.

It’s not uncommon for me to be the first one on the dance floor. I’ve gotten more than one dance party started!

One of the traits I find most admirable in a person is the ability to genuinely connect with people and make them feel appreciated and understood.

I really don’t like change. I prefer the mantra, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” However, I do believe in growth and evolving as a person.

My biggest pet peeve is when people use “I” in a sentence when they should be using “me”…as in, “come to the party with Chuck and I.” NO! It should be “Come to the party with Chuck and me.” The use of “I” has gotten out of control, people!!

I’m a ‘social introvert’. I LOVE spending time with friends and going out, but I HATE small talk and forced socialization. I need lots of down time in order to function well and recharge.

I live by the motto “don’t make things more complicated than they need to be.” For me that manifests itself in the fact that we’ve never raised our children running from one activity to the next to the next; we don’t own pets; we try to live within our means and plan for the future; I don’t have chaotic people in my life; I try to make decisions based on logic rather than feelings.

I can spend hours watching Discovery Channel, Science Channel, History Channel, NatGeo, but can’t sit for 5 minutes watching WE, Hallmark, or Lifetime movies.

I never traveled outside the US until my mid-20’s and Cozumel, Mexico. I later spent a month in France while my husband worked on a special project there. I rode the train into Paris a few days a week, and we took a road trip through the Loir Valley and on to Mont Saint Michel. We visited the beaches of Normandy, the WW2 American cemetery, and spent the night in Bayeux – the first city liberated after the battle. During that month we also traveled to Rome for 3 days.

I was never that girl who had dreams or thoughts about weddings, marriage, or babies. When I met the right guy (my husband) it all magically changed. I often say I think more like a guy than a chick.

While I adore my current career, my DREAM job would be as a travel writer. To be able to travel the world, stay at amazing hotels, have amazing experiences, and eat amazing food…then get paid to write about it? YASSSS!

Two of my all-time favorite tv shows are Sex in the City, and Mad Men. I can watch any episode over and over and over again.

I met my husband at the gym, and later realized he was “the hot guy” my roommate had been telling me to check out! LOL

I had always been called “Chrissy” which I never liked; I shortened to “Chris” when we moved to Virginia almost 20 years ago. It’s all short for Christina.

Well, that’s a little bit about me. If you have any feedback about the blog and it’s direction please leave a comment. Cheers!

Follow me: Google+ | Pinterest | Twitter | Instagram

The post 20 Things You Don’t Know About Me appeared first on Celebrations at Home.

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finding-myownway-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Farewell Toxicity

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to update people who care about my life in the most uncensored way possible. I am ready to be completely honest with what has been going on. I don’t care what anyone has to say, because (1)sticks and stones and (2)I have better things to do than let words hurt me anymore. I wear many hats: I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend, a gamer, an artist, a writer, a baker, singer, and makeup artist (to an extent). All my life I have been limited to what I can and can not do with my creativity. Something that has helped me live and be okay with who I am and how people treat me is writing. I’ve written so many things. Kept journals, written poems, song lyrics, and short stories. I even attempted to write about my own life to maybe, someday have it published. Once I presented the idea to my dad and he told me it wasn’t a good idea because I should be careful with what I say. That I could hurt someone’s feelings with my writing. Another time, my privacy was invaded, and my step sister went into my room and read my thoughts in my journals. When I told my dad, he told me I shouldn’t write things down for people to see. Told me I should keep it in my head or on my phone because then no one will be able to see what I’m thinking.

I’m a writer. I can’t talk to people to tell them how I feel, so I write it down. I’m a writer- so don’t tell me what I can and can’t write. Don’t censor me. If it’s what I’m feeling, how could I be wrong? My opinions shouldn’t be shit on. The things I’m about to share are things I’ve kept inside for too long. It should be known that these stories are truer than true. They’re from my memories and choosing to share them is my way of venting. Please respect that. These are my thoughts and emotions.

My dad lives in NC with his (not so nice to me) wife and her (put me through a helluva time in the past) daughter. He tried guilting me into going with them, but I knew I wouldn’t be happy over there. When he was prepping to move, he made it all worse by telling me, “I had to stay stuck in NJ because of YOU and no one else. I was stuck here because of you Litz. If it weren’t for you, I would have been GONE.”

Finally I broke and yelled at him. I was like NO DAD IM NOT GOING WITH YOU. I HAVE A LIFE HERE. I HAVE FAMILY HERE. I AM NOT LEAVING!

All he could do was stare at me. That was the first and only time I silenced him.

You know, my dad primarily raised me during my teen years. It wasn’t fun. He did what he had to do since I’m his daughter. I’ll always be grateful to him for being there for me. Unfortunately, happy times were few and far in between with him and me. We argued a whole lot and he never wanted to hear me out with problems or issues I had. He never made me feel comfortable to talk to him. I never felt like I could say how I felt. If he had a bad day or came home from work super hungry, he would take it out on me and tell me off until he ate and felt better. I’ve got journal entries as proof. Never once did he appreciate my art. It was never something he made me feel “skilled” in. If he did feel it- I never knew. I was mentally and emotionally abused by my father. You know, you always want to feel good enough for your parents. You always want to do well and make them proud. You never think your parents are capable of abusing you in any way. We’re taught that our parents are the ones we should be able to go to with our problems. So realizing that what my dad put me through was and still is abuse, kind of hits me hard. Nothing I did was good enough. He let his girlfriends tell him I wouldn't amount to anything and then he would tell me what they told him. He let them dictate how I should be treated and he listened to them. Once, I got criticized for reading Ellen Hopkins’ book, Crank and was accused of being into drugs because I was reading it. My dad swore I was into drugs, and he told people too. I’ll say this once and only once. I have never once smoked pot in my life(not that it’s bad, I’m just saying). I’ve never done a single drug. I’m 27 years old and I’ve tried a cigarette ONCE. lol D.A.R.E made an impact on my life lol. I was never the delinquent he thought I was. He never gave me enough credit. Just because I had friends in high school who smoked didn’t mean I smoked, myself. He was good at that, see. Accusing me, pointing fingers at me. Look, everyone makes mistakes growing up. I wasn’t a perfect daughter, but he was also far from being a perfect parent.

(ATTENTION!! WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ WAS WHEN I WAS 17! PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND. I have a different life now. I have an amazing husband and beautiful daughter who keep me grounded and in the light in more ways than one!!)

My dad told me once, that if I was ever gonna self harm, that I should cut from my wrist up, and do it the right way. He even acted it out for me. I was 17 and I’ll never forget that day. It sits in my mind, nice and fresh. He tells that story like it’s a big fucking joke. Makes me look like I threatened for the attention, versus a cry for help. I was a broken teen. I felt like my parents didn’t love me because they had really strange ways of showing it. (AGAIN, ATTENTION!!!!!!! That was years ago, I do not self harm at all. I am now a mother and would never put my daughter in any situation remotely close to something like that!).

Something my dad will fail to ever see is that he’s truly broken me into pieces, probably worse than anyone else ever has. He won’t own up to any of this. He’s too stubborn and has too much pride.

I’ve been “waking up.” Being a parent, myself will do that I guess. I’m maturing, growing wiser. I’m seeing things now that I didn’t see before and I’m learning that my dad really isn’t the person I thought he was.

He’s a fake. He swears by God, but just casted me out. Claims he’s a changed man who goes to church but still treats his family like shit. I mean, sorry. He treats his BLOOD family like shit. The family he married into is golden, Pony Boy.

Yeah, he goes to church but he and his wife are probably the two biggest jerks I’ve ever known my whole life.

My dad made me believe that since he was there for me when my mom wasn’t (which, you’re my dad... you’re SUPPOSED to be there for me RE-FUCKING-GARDLESS), that I owed him my life. If ever I had an opinion against his he’d be like, “You know, Litz, I was there for you when your mother didn’t want you and you think it’s okay to try and tell me...”

He was manipulative, always treating me like a child. “Can’t do this. Can’t do that. If you hang out with friends I don’t know, they could rape you. They’ll take your phone and you’ll never be able to contact me. What if they kidnap you and I’ll never see you again. What if they hold you hostage?”

Once, he came to me and asked me who I was hanging out with (which ended up not happening because of the following). When I told him, he grabbed me and held me really tight. Put me in this situation where I couldn't get out of his grasp. Told me, “What are you gonna do?! What if they hold you like this and you can’t get out?! You don’t know how to fight, you aren't street smart! Try to get out!! C’mon! Fight your way out of this hold!” I was scared. I fought. Tried to get out. Stomped on his foot really hard and everything. Has anyone else gone through that shit with a parent? Please tell me that’s not normal…

He won’t remember ANY of what I’m saying. He’ll deny it, but I swear all this has happened. I have no reason to lie to anyone about my life.

His wife has been causing me shit since day one. She moved in, I was never happy about it, and she managed to successfully put a wedge between my dad and me. If I ever had a problem with anything in our household and spoke up about it or defended myself, my dad and his wife would argue. Then my dad would come to me saying, “Why did you have to say anything? Why couldn't you just leave it alone. Y'all women are so petty.”

BUT if it were my step sister with a problem, everyone bowed at the drop of a hat and catered to the princess. Get the fuck outta here. Shit got old real fast. Anyone ever want know what its like to fucking tiptoe around and live uncomfortably in your own house because every little TINY thing you did annoyed your step mother, cause I lived it. Now, (Congratulations Evil-Step-Queen) she’s completely ruined my relationship with my dad and yeah, she has A LOT to do with it. Ask anyone in my family or my husband and they’ll tell you. My friends know it all too. When she and my dad first started dating she compared me to an ex’s daughter who didn’t like her and was mean to her. She never really gave me a chance.

-Moving Forward- My step sister got pregnant, which we all saw coming, let’s be real. She’s lucky cuz she has her mom and my dad to take care of the baby when she wants to do other things. (We all aren’t so privileged, but at the same time, we’re all also responsible enough to not pawn our kids off every chance we get.. sooo..). Which, whatever. I’m not touching that any further. It is what it fucking is.

What hurt me was when I found out she was pregnant I swallowed my pride yet again to make amends with her (because before this year we hadn’t talked for 2), and tell her that I was here for her because she was pregnant and basically doing it alone. My step sister and I have had really shitty times. Like so bad we just never talked. And every single time we fought, I would have to be the one to speak up or apologize because my father would make me feel guilty. I digress, I do all that shit only to not get a phone call when she goes into labor. Instead, I find out on FB just like a regular old fb associate. No one likes including me in shit over there since I’m so fucking insignificant.

My dad couldn’t come see Zoey in the hospital when I had her but there he was taking all pics with my step sister’s baby. And my step mom captioned every pic with “aw grandpa loves his grand baby.”

How quickly they forgot that they already had a grandkid here in Jersey. Soon, my dad’s phone calls and FaceTimes were slim to none and sorry not sorry, but I won’t be the one to call you so you can talk to YOUR grandkid. I shouldn’t have to chase anyone down to be in my daughter’s life or mine.

November comes and dad decides to call me on Black Friday saying,

“Oh your birthday is coming. I can’t send you anything because I don’t have it right now, but it’ll come. Don’t worry.”

Guys, I don’t give a shit about gifts for any occasion, I really don’t. So I told him not to worry. But he insisted he’d send a birthday card. My birthday came and went and all I got was a text talking about “may god bless you blah blah blah.” Mother in law sent me a card, brother in law and his wife send me a card, sis and bro in law sent me beautiful flowers, friends in different states sent me gifts, my friend OVERSEAS sent me a gift... family celebrated my birthday on Thanksgiving. So what the fuck is his excuse that he couldn’t even send me a card? I don’t ask for much but a card is like $4? Also you’re telling me that my in laws and friends care more than my own dad if they all went out of their ways to make sure I had something for my birthday. Don’t fucking tell me “oh yeah I’ll send something,” when it’s just more empty promises. It’s more the telling me he’ll do something and not following through that gets me mad. I really do not care about materialistic things, because again I had all those family members and friends sent me something unexpected. He still owes my husband and me $160 for making me invite his step kids to our wedding. We didn’t have the money to invite any more than who we already had, but since he insisted he would pay us back, we put my step siblings down. We have yet to see that money. (We got married almost a year ago) Fell through with the promises, again. But he can give his church money, throw get togethers at his house, and feed his friends who are all members of this cult- -I mean church. Pretty sure God doesn't care about materialistic shit either, Pops.

Anywho, after my birthday I didn’t hear from him again. I put up a Facebook status about why I don’t reach out to people, which was most definitely about my dad- and he called me that day. Coincidence? I didn’t answer the phone because I didn’t feel like getting chewed out. (Because yeah I'm a grown ass 27 year old woman and my dad still chews me out when he doesn’t agree with me.) You know he asked for Zoey’s size in clothing, but I never gave it to him because I figured we didn’t need his gifts for Christmas. I figured I’d leave him alone. Especially since I know that’s what his wife wants too. They’re all better off without me over there. They’ve been doing fine these past 4 years without me.

Christmas week I got a text from my dad saying that my kid’s Christmas gifts will be at my house no later than Christmas Eve. A big box, and a little box.

He sent her a bike and a helmet. Without telling me. But what’s worse is how cold he was when I thanked him. He didn’t even acknowledge the thank yous.

Christmas Day came and we were really busy. We wake up, my daughter very delicately opens her gifts, Steve’s son comes, we exchange gifts, Steve’s parents come, we exchange gifts... I told my dad I would send him a video of Zoey opening her bike, which I did take, but didn’t get a chance to send considering I had company that whole morning/afternoon. I didn’t want to be on my phone stressing about sending a video. No sooner do I look at my phone to check the time and I have a text from my step mother.

Of all days to pick on me, why Christmas Day? I shouldn’t have to fucking explain what my grown ass is doing with MY family on OUR Christmas Day. Just cause all they do is stay at home, sit and stare at the walls doesn’t mean that’s what I’m fucking doing. I didn’t answer. Also, I’d like to point out that this woman will not text me any other time. She doesn’t look for my kid nor does she say hi to me. She’ll only text me if she has a problem with me. She’s like my dad’s yipper dog. -& another thing, tf you mean “I’m not sure whats going on with you and your dad?” YOU DID THIS. I chose to ignore her and try to enjoy my day, even though she ruined it for me.

I continued on with our Christmas with this weight on my chest. I couldn’t reach happiness because I just couldn’t wrap my head around WHY this bitch is trying to screw with me on Christmas Day. Like WHY?

Finally... we get home from being with family all day and my dad texts me..

I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t block him on Facebook, in fact, we were friends on there until he decided to go “further.” I’m still friends with his wife on Facebook so who’s the idiot now? I just stopped them all from seeing the things I post because they all get so butthurt. Apparently the comments I make are stupid and I’m wrong as usual for what I think... which is how he’s made me feel my whole life. He confirmed everything I’ve been feeling recently. He isn’t a good person to me and he’s a hypocrite. How can someone say they’re into church but say mean things like this to their own flesh and blood? You’d think I was the step child quite honestly. He may have done well by stepping up to the plate to play both Mom and Dad for me, but I owe him NOTHING. I don’t owe him a damn thing.

This has been my burden for the longest time now, even before this text. My dad was the reason for my quitting streaming the first time. He and his family make me feel insignificant. They don’t include me. They don’t look for us. They don’t care about anyone but themselves and that’s fine. I’m done bending backwards for people who won’t even consider doing the same for me. You guys don’t know how much I’ve cried and had panic attacks over him and his wife being the way they are with me. My father has always had this manipulative control over me. Always making me feel guilty, always making me say sorry to his wife even though I was never in the wrong. Always taking her side if I spoke up for myself when I lived with them. I’m done. Not once, while he was busy acting cold and telling me off in those texts did he ask how his REAL granddaughter was doing. Not EVER does his wife look for her, but she expects to be called “Mom Mom.” They have no problem telling me how I’m wrong when I don’t ever do a thing to any of them, but when I start standing up for myself they decide to come down on me and disown me. I don’t deserve that. You get rid of me, you get rid of Zoey. So nice fucking job. They lost every chance to come back. I’m done. I can’t keep letting them hurt me because I matter too. I was never a fuck up in my life, but damn do I sure get treated like one. Screw them, good riddance and Farewell Toxicity. ✌🏽

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