#I’ve found yet another lovely show to make silly fanart of

[scottie-draws-sometimes]

OK K.O. is a really really really good show

[ft-dads-au]

Kiss Me

Fanart by @oryu404​, do not repost without their permission. A collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

Stingue Fall Equinox 2020 Prompt: Warmth Pairing: Sting x Rogue, Sting & Orga

AO3 | FF.Net

Summary: Sting has one thing on his mind when Rogue shows up at his dorm room unexpectedly: the kiss they'd shared at the end of a week spent studying together for midterms. He's dying to get Rogue alone again, but first he has to get past the embarrassment of his messy room, and his nosy roommate.

October 27, 2012

“Check this out,” Orga laughed as he showed Sting yet another silly TikTok on his phone. He had to raise his voice a little to surpass the sound of the music he’d put on- some kind of rock band Sting knew most songs from by now. “I’ve already seen that one, blockhead. You bombard me with so many of these that you can’t even remember which ones you’ve already sent me?” Sting groaned when his roommate shrugged at his comment and started singing along to the music, “Turn it down, people are still asleep! It’s barely past 10!” He had just finished speaking when they heard a loud banging against the wall. “See?” he flashed him a look that said I told you so, feeling rather victorious when Orga turned the volume down a little. Sadly enough, he didn’t stop singing. “Whoa-oa-oah, so hun-gry~” “The-eh-eh-en get fucking dre-essed~ We’re all out of...everything.” Sting checked the minifridge and the small cabinet they used for snacks, pouting in disappointment when all he found were empty wrappers and some leftovers from a salad that looked like it was ready to crawl out of its container. He pulled a face as he dumped it into the trash, “Nasty…”

“Or-” Orga swiped across the screen of his phone, “we could get some lunch delivered! What’re you up for? Pizza? Burgers? Ooh! You should try 8-Island!” The idea of getting delivery was very tempting, but they’d done that so many times already over the midterm week that Sting was almost looking forward to the crappy dorm food. He could hear his mother’s voice inside his head, giving him a lecture about the importance of healthy meals. Oh well, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. “But-” he was cut off when Orga raised the volume again. “This is the best part!” “Normally, yes! Your caterwauling kind of ruins it for me, though!” Sting noticed Orga was busy singing into the TV-remote for an invisible audience, so he took his chance and dashed for the computer. He was able to lower the volume to a more acceptable level again, despite Orga’s sung protest, but a loud knock at the door told him the damage was probably already done. “Great, now we have pissed off people at the door, which I have to answer because you’re still not dressed.”

Plastering a smile on his face, he opened the door, ready to charm his way out of yet another noise complaint. His smile widened as he recognized the person standing on the other side. That was until Orga opened his mouth.

“Is that Dobengal whining again? Cause if it is, tell him he can suck my big fat -”

Sting waved at Rogue cheerfully and put his hand up in a wait-one-sec gesture, quickly closing the door before Orga had a chance to finish that statement.

“It’s not Dobengal,” Sting hissed, “and can you put some clothes on?”

“Fine, fine. What’s got your panties in a bunch?” Orga muttered, searching through the pile of clothes that lay at the foot of his bed for a pair of pants. “There, happy?”

While Orga got dressed, Sting grabbed all of his clothes and threw them into his wardrobe in a last-ditch effort to make the room look somewhat habitable.

“Are, like, your parents here for a surprise visit or something?” Orga asked.

“No, worse. Rogue,” Sting explained, continuing to throw the contents of his floor into his wardrobe. He pushed all his weight against the doors to force them to shut, and when that didn’t work, he hooked his desk chair with his leg and dragged it towards him in an attempt to lodge it under the handles.

“You mean the guy you’re always talking about?”

Sting didn’t like the gleam in Orga’s eyes at the news or the way he made kissy faces at him. “Oh, come on, don’t be an asshole for once. Please?”

“We have a guest, and you shouldn’t leave him waiting outside. You wouldn’t want Dobengal to have a go at him, would you?” Orga smiled sweetly, and with that, Sting hurried to the door. He could only hope the wardrobe would hold.

Giving himself a quick once over in the mirror that hung behind the door and deeming himself presentable, he opened the door again and leaned against it. “Hey there! Sorry about that, loud roommate, and all that.”

“Hey,” Rogue replied, looking slightly uncomfortable but happy to see him.

“Uhm, do you wanna come in?” Sting almost wished he’d say no so that they could get out of there, but he knew it would be rude not to ask, especially after nearly slamming the door in his face. “Actually, I was just wondering if-”

Sting was ungraciously shoved aside, nearly faceplanting on the floor when Orga joined, “Are you Rogue? Nice to meet you. I’m Orga!” He gave Rogue a handshake that had his whole arm moving up and down and flung the door wide open. “Come in, come in!” Sting watched with growing dread as his roommate pulled his crush inside their room and showed it off. He didn’t see why. There was nothing worth showing off. His efforts to get his clothes out of sight barely made a difference. “Take a seat!” Orga gestured from Sting’s bed to the chair that was cranked underneath the wardrobe door handles, offering both as viable options even though he could see Sting waving his arms and shaking his head. “So, Sting told me you were in a band. Are you guys still looking for members?” “Don’t-” Sting quickly blocked the chair before Rogue would sit on it, “uhm...invite him to your band! He’s basically tone-deaf!” He regretted his words the second he saw Orga’s challenging smirk. The gloves were off. He needed to get them out of there quickly before Orga had a chance to humiliate him further.

“We’re all set, actually,” Rogue replied, eyes drifting across the room and taking in the mess with obvious distaste.

“Too bad, you guys are really good.”

“Oh, have you seen us play?” Rogue asked curiously.

“Not seen exactly, as much as heard,” Orga grinned cheerfully, “Sting plays your music all the time.”

That bastard!

Rogue was gazing at him, a surprised expression on his face, but at least it didn’t look like he thought he was a weirdo. There was still a chance to get out of this without suffering too much ego damage. He just had to get them out of there before Orga could say anything else.

“Guilty,” he smiled, “I like to listen to it sometimes, helps me get in the groove to study.”

“Sometimes?” Orga chortled. “Anyway,” Sting coughed into his hand, “What are you up to?”

“Oh,” Rogue focused on him once again, “I was running some errands nearby and thought you might like to get some coffee.”

“That sounds great!” Sting agreed readily, “Just let me grab my stuff.”

He scrambled to grab his phone, keys, coat, and wallet from their various locations around the room, having no trouble finding them despite the mess.

“Oh, can I come too?” Orga asked in a tone that Sting immediately did not trust.

“No!” Sting answered, grabbing Rogue by the arm and pulling him towards the door.

“Oh, you’re right. You probably want some private time to suck face again, my bad.”

Sting stopped mid-step, not sure what to do with himself after his roommate blurted out that little tidbit, and not wanting to look at Rogue’s face either. It proved to be a mistake as the chair holding the wardrobe closed slid out of place and fell over, hitting the floor with a loud smack. The doors flew open, and an avalanche of dirty laundry cascaded out onto the floor.

Orga’s laughs echoed in the room, and Sting could feel his cheeks burning from mortification, but to his great relief, he could hear Rogue laughing along.

“Let’s-uh... go,” Sting managed to get out, still feeling like he’d like to find a hole to crawl into. He flipped Orga off and closed the door behind them, muffling the loud love song blasting from the computer speakers to accompany their departure.

“God, I’m so sorry for him, he’s-,” Sting gestured with his hands in frustration, not able to come up with a word to adequately describe his roommate and still flustered by what the idiot had said.

“That’s nothing, trust me, my older brother can be worse,” Rogue chuckled. “How did your midterms go?” “I’m not sure, but I think I did okay?” Sting threaded his fingers through his hair. In truth, there were a few he wasn’t so confident about, and he’d been somewhat on edge waiting for the professors to post the results, but he didn’t really want to talk about that.

There was only one thing that had been on his mind since they’d last parted ways, and it was the kiss they’d shared. He’d worried about it, relived it, and pretty much obsessed over it since it had happened, but there had been no time to talk about it during midterm week.

Now he had all the time in the world, but no idea how to bring it up casually. God, he wanted to do it again, and he had a feeling Rogue did as well. The fact that he'd shown up on his doorstep the day after midterms were over at least betrayed that he'd wanted to spend time together, didn't it? But of course, Sting had no way to be sure, so he decided he’d let Rogue lead the conversation. ”What about you?”

“I’m only worried about Bio. The rest were pretty easy.”

As they discussed the Biology test, they reached the dorm’s exit, and Sting hurried to hold the door open for Rogue, smiling slightly when he saw the other’s eye roll at the gesture. His smile disappeared completely when a gust of cold air blew past him, making him grab onto his open coat and fold it tightly closed over his chest. “C-c-cold!”

“I have no idea how you’re going to survive the winter, if you think this is cold,” Rogue teased.

“You mean it gets worse?!” Sting replied in mock horror.

“Maybe we can find you a wool crop top,” Rogue snorted, “Come on, let’s go get that coffee before you freeze to death.” After weeks of being cooped inside studying for midterms, many students were out enjoying what was a rather beautiful day for this time of year. The sun was out, and despite Sting’s complaints, it was relatively warm.

A short walk brought them to the campus coffee shop, a busy place called Heavenly Brews, which sadly did not live up to its name. It was convenient though, not to mention cheap, and as expected, it was full of other students who’d had the same idea. But the service was fast, and in less than ten minutes, they each had a large cup of piping hot coffee.

Sting insisted on paying, still wanting to make up for Orga’s...well, everything, and Rogue let him. Once back outside, they began walking in a random direction, moving away from the hustle and bustle around campus to more quiet places.

“Every damn time,” Rogue shook his head as he showed Sting his coffee cup, turning it around so it showed the name written on it. Rouge.

Sting giggled, receiving an elbow to his side for his response. “What? It’s funny! Besides, that’s nothing. Try growing up with a name like Sting.”

He wrapped both hands around his drink, feeling its warmth seeping through the double cup as they walked. He recognized the area they were in from his morning runs. There was a small park further down the street that he’d often visited with Orga to throw a frisbee around when they were getting stressed.

Sting took in their surroundings, swiftly realizing he’d been so busy studying the last few weeks that he’d barely noticed the telltale signs of fall. Even though the leaves were not as brightly colored as those he was used to seeing in Edolas, they were still quite beautiful, covering the ground in a blanket of browns, yellows, crimsons, and oranges.

They reached the park entrance, and Sting decided it would be a nice place to talk. They walked past a game of touch football, making their way towards the small duck pond. The sound of the leaves crunching under their feet was satisfying, and he was pleased to find that with the ducks having already left to migrate south, the benches facing the pond were unoccupied. He immediately claimed one that was slightly hidden behind the thick trunk of a large oak tree, and Rogue sat beside him.

The air might be cold and crisp, but the sun’s rays warming his skin through the barren branches made it still pleasant enough to be outside. Or maybe, he guessed as he looked to his side, eyes drawn to Rogue’s lips as they blew small white clouds into his coffee cup, it had nothing to do with the sun at all.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Rogue asked when he caught him staring, lowering his coffee until his hands were resting in his lap. Fuck it. Sting put his coffee down next to him on the bench, freeing his hands so he could cup Rogue's rosy cold cheeks. He leaned in and kissed him, all sense of cold disappearing when Rogue deepened the kiss.

"I was just thinking about how much I've wanted to do that again," he confessed, still close enough for their lips to brush against each other with every word he spoke.

Rogue smiled sheepishly and asked, "And you really thought I'd get up before noon on a Saturday just to get sub-par coffee?"

"Hmm… true, you’re not a morning person at all,” Sting chuckled, “so I guess I should make it worth your while, then.” He pressed his lips against Rogue’s again, soon forgetting the rest of the world around them. He had no idea how long they stayed lost in each other, but by the time they broke apart, their coffees had gone from scalding hot to barely warmer than the heat that was burning under his skin.

Sting was about to risk spoiling the moment by saying something possibly sappy or cliche when his stomach spoke up in his stead, unleashing a loud roar that made Rogue hack up a laugh. “Wanna go out for lunch with me?” he asked when he was done laughing, finding it hard not to start all over again when he saw Sting’s pouty face. "I think you already know the answer to that.” Sting got off the bench, pulling Rogue along with him, and despite feeling a bit nervous about it, he kept holding his hand as they passed other people enjoying the outdoors on their free Saturdays. As they walked back towards the park’s entrance, Sting noticed kids playing around in the leaves, gathering them into big piles and throwing them around, reminding him of afternoons spent with Yukino when they were younger.

“I used to do that with my best friend when we were about that age,” The corner of his mouth curved up at the memory. “Did you do stuff like that?”

Rogue laughed heartily, “Every year. My dad and his best friend were the biggest kids in my family. So his daughter, my brother, and I would help them make these huge leaf piles. We’d come up with some rather creative jumps. My poor mom would totally lose it when she saw what we were up to.”

Sting snorted, thinking of how childish his own dad could be at times. It was something he’d always loved about him. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” His eyes twinkled with mischief as he pointed at a large leaf pile that sat a ways from where the kids played.

He was pleased to feel Rogue squeeze his hand briefly before issuing him a challenge, “Last one in pays for lunch!”

Rogue had already started his approach as Sting watched mesmerized until the words sunk in, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

He chased after him, overtaking him easily and laughing at Rogue’s protests. In the end, Sting slowed down and grabbed Rogue’s hand, counting down to one so they could both jump in at the same time.

Leaves flew all around them in a swirl of colors before blowing away. Sting stretched his body, much like a cat searching for a sunny spot, while still holding on to Rogue’s hand. When he was satisfied, he rested his head on Rogue’s shoulder, content to just lay there snuggled together for the time being.

When he’d first gotten to Magnolia for his exchange year, Sting hadn’t been sure if he’d made the right decision. He hadn’t made many friends, the weather was uncomfortable, and everything had been more difficult than he was used to.

Meeting Rogue had made him feel a little bit more at home in a foreign place, and although he knew he'd be moving back to Edolas at the end of the school year, he refused to deny the feeling that was bursting inside of him whenever they were together. So even though falling in love had never been part of the plan, it was far too late for him to resist. Not that he really wanted to.

Sting turned over on his stomach, captivated by the warm fall tones reflected in Rogue’s eyes. “I missed you this week,” he admitted, nudging their faces closer together and running his fingers through Rogue’s hair, gently picking out some leaves.

They stared at each other until Rogue grabbed hold of Sting’s jacket, pulling him in for another kiss.

“Me too,” Rogue’s contented hum at their closeness warmed Sting’s heart, chasing away any lingering chill he’d felt.

[queerchoicesblog]

The Corpse Bride - A Sapphic Rewriting (2/2)

I cannot believe this is the only decent screenshot where both the ladies are present!

Anyway, here is the second and last part of my sapphic rewriting of Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride: it turned out a bit longer than I first thought but I hope you enjoy it!

If you do, please consider reblogging and/or spreading the word: it’s so hard being a writer on tumblr... 🙏

I also remind you the amazing fanart by @may12324​ (here & here) and the AO3 Sapphic Emily/Victoria fanfics.

Tagging @gay-fandom-menace​ for the last update!

________________________

As days passed, Emily went above and beyond to show her spouse the hidden beauty of the Land of the Dead and she eventually succeeded. Victoria looked less frightened of the residents living in the shadows and even accepted to attend the welcome party in her honour, where she apologised to the general for stealing his saber. It was almost as if she...forgot where she was or no longer cared about the oddity of the place, Emily noticed, looking her laughing at one of Bonejangles' mots d'esprit. She also realised that she enjoyed the time spent with her more than she could have foreseen. Victoria was always shy and almost regal in her poise but there were moments when Emily would say something funny and she would laugh, a hearty gracious laughter, covering her mouth with a hand. Or when she sighted contently petting a purring Miles. One day, returning from a walk up the hill, they found the pub deserted and decided to head inside. Emily produced herself in her best bartender impression that made her spouse giggle, and ventured behind the counter to fix herself a drink while her companion took a seat on a stool. "How many days have passed since I came here? It's so hard to have a perception of time down here..."

Emily turned, taking a sip of red wine. Victoria looked suddenly lost in her own thoughts. "I don't know, sweetheart...a week maybe? Why?" "Oh nothing" Victoria laughed weakly, shaking her head. "I was just wondering where Victor is now. If he's alright" "Who's Victor? Your brother?" the corpse bride asked, excited at the idea of learning more about her family. "Oh no! He's my fiancé...even if it sounds a bit weird calling him so, after meeting him the other day for the first time. I was looking for him in the woods when I stumbled into you" An unknown feeling spread a sudden cold inside Emily. She didn't know why but she felt suddenly less cheerful after that revelation. She heard herself asking Victoria to tell her more about him and that's how she learnt he was from a fish merchants family, the Van Dort - or the nouveaux riches as the Everglot called them with evident displeasure for their non-aristocratic roots-; his dark eyes and shy manners, his endearing clumsiness. He was also a formidable pianist, she added. "I can play the piano too! What music do you like?" Emily exclaimed, without thinking and taking Victoria's hands in hers. She guided her towards the instrument on the opposite side of the room and they both take a seat on the old dusty bench. Victoria giggled and threw her a curious look. "Something dreamy and nostalgic?" Emily asked, starting to play a solemn tune that caught her spouse's attention. Then, after a while and with a sudden yet gracious key change, she added, flashing a conspiratorial smile. "...or maybe something a bit more lively and cheerful?" When she started singing a popular ballad, Victoria gaped in surprise. Now she truly understood why her undead bride's fame was renewed for miles when she was alive: not only her features still bore traces of a rare beauty that surely won the hearts of hundreds suitors but also she had the voice of an angel. Her fingertips ran over the keyboard with confidence while her voice enchanted her with its supreme harmony. An angel of music, Victoria thought, contemplating her. Out of the blue, just before the grand finale, Emily's skeleton hand parted from the rest of her body and performed a joyous trill on the keyboard before running up Victoria's arm and shoulder. She was used to it going its own way from time to time but it kind of embarrassed her that it happened in front of her spouse. She giggled nervously. "Pardon my enthusiasm" To her great surprise, the Everglot girl wasn't horrified by what happened. She gave the hand an amused look and took her in her own. Then, she turned towards Emily and helped her placing it back at the end of her arm. The bride was about to mutter a thank you when she spoke. "I like your enthusiasm" When Emily met her gaze there was a new shade of red on the girl's cheeks and a bashful smile on her lips. The cold feeling that troubled her immediately vanished, replaced by a warmth that she hadn't felt since joining the Land of the Dead. Maybe in her whole life. Too soon Victoria diverted her dark eyes. "Why don't we play a duet?" Emily suggested. If possible, Miss Everglot blushed even more. "I don't play the piano" "Oh" Emily was genuinely surprised. "I'm sorry, I just thought-" "No, it's fine! It's just..." Victoria took a deep sigh. "Mother says music is improper for a young lady. Too passionate...so she never let me lay a finger on our piano" "Am I being...improper? My most sincere apologies, your ladyship" Victoria turned to see Emily offering a teasing smile. The grim mood caused by the mention of Mother instantly melted away and she found herself laughing. "Oh no, you played splendidly! It was truly lovely, Emily" Victoria said, serious again. "It's just Mother, she...well, I suppose you can say she never approves of anything" Emily nodded understandingly. A shadow crossed her face. "Do you think she would have approved of me? The two girls shared a long grim look, leaving the answer they both knew in their heart lingering in the air, unspoken. "You're lucky you'll never have to meet her" Victoria sighed, losing herself in her own thoughts and memories again. "The day I...found you and disappeared she came finding me before the rehearsals of the wedding. She only wanted to check if my corset was laced properly. And she made fun of my being a little nervous. She told me that it was nonsense because marriage is just a partnership, a little tit-for-tat" After a moment, she continued. "Since I was a child I've dreamt of my wedding day. I always hoped to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Silly, isn't it?" The smile on her lips was so pained that Emily felt the irresistible urge to place a hand over hers. The sudden gesture surprised Victoria who blinked her bid dark eyes. "I am just the same" the bride whispered, softly. "And I can teach you how to play the piano, if you like? So that we can play duets, what do you say?" Victoria considered for a moment then the doleful look in her eyes left room to a tiny little sparkle and she nodded enthusiastically, like a little girl. Content, Emily scooted closer so that shoulders brushed against each other and gently placed her hands over hers. Now she felt it too, the sparkle that brightened Victoria's face. "Loosen up yours shoulder and press whatever button you like. That's it! Now another, and that black one too...see how they combine together?" The impromptu lesson kept going until someone cleared his throat. Emily turned to see an ancient skeleton standing on the threshold soon followed by Miles. "Elder Gutknecht, what a lovely surprise! And welcome back, Miles: enjoyed your galavanting?" She stood and guided Victoria towards the newcomer. "Dear Elder, have you met my wife?" the bride asked with cheerful pride. "This is Victoria of the Land of the Living. Victoria, this is Elder Gutknecht, the most ancient spirit in our midst and resident Sage: ask him anything, he knows it!" Victoria gave the skeleton a gracious curtsy. "Enchanted, Elder Gutknecht" "Ah, so this is the lucky one, huh, Emily?" the old Sage inquired, jostling a heavy-looking tome in his arms. "Delighted to make your acquaintance Miss-" "Victoria, Victoria Everglot" "Miss Victoria Everglot!" he flashed an unreadable smile before addressing the corpse bride. "I was wondering if I could have a word with you, Emily" "Sure, speak away" "In private, actually...if you don't mind" Emily looked a bit surprised but obliged. She placed one hand on her spouse's shoulder before taking her leave. "Keep familiarising yourself with the instrument, my darling. I'll be back before you know it. And Miles, be a good boy: do not jump on the keyboard!" That being said, after one last quick smile to both, she followed the Elder down in the cellar. She couldn't possibly understand what he wanted to discuss with her but she knew you never question a Sage. So she stood there, patiently waiting for he to talk. When they were alone, she perceived a sense of unease in the air. When he finally resolved himself to speak, Elder Gutknecht's face looked troubled. "I am afraid I am a messenger of grim news, my dear girl" "What grim news? I don't understand, Elder" Emily exclaimed, lost and a little anxious. The old skeleton took a deep sigh and continued. It seemed as if words costed him a great effort. "According to the vows you shared, your union is valid..." he briefly consulted the ancient tome in his hands. "'until death do you apart', isn't it?" "Yes, so what, Elder?" He closed the book and gave her a sad look. "Death has already parted you, dear Emily" It took a moment to the bride to process the meaning of his words: her mind resisted, refused to acknowledge it. She heard the words he said after while her heart ached in her chest: she was dead, Miss Everglot was living. The only way to make this marriage valid was asking Victoria to drink the "Wine of Ages", a poisoned goblet, so that she could join her in death. "No...no...there must be other ways!" Emily exclaimed, begged, walking frantically up and down. When the Elder grimly confirmed that no, sadly there was no other way, she stopped and gave him a long heartbroken look. "I could never ask her that...to give up her life for me. I...would never ask her that" she whispered, her voice cracking. Tears welled her eyes as she felt like she had lost Victoria for good. She turned and gave the Elder her shoulders, covering her face in a desperate attempt to protect her sorrow from his eyes. She had lost her love once again. "I'm sorry, may I interrupt?" She immediately followed the voice: Victoria was standing on the threshold, politely clearing her throat. She threw quick glances at both of them as a gaping Elder gestured to join them. "I'm sorry, I was just passing by and I overheard your conversation..." Emily felt another pang of sadness making her bones ache: what must Victoria think of her now? She must feel so betrayed and outraged... "Victoria, I am so incredibly sorry, please believe me I didn't know anything about this" she said, rushing to her side and placing a trembling hand on her cheek. She felt her knees getting far too weak when the Everglot girl looked at her with her big dark eyes. "But just know that I...I release you from those vows, I would never ask you-" To her surprise, she interrupted her. "I do believe you, Emily" she smiled weakly, taking her skeletal hand into hers. "And I appreciate what you said to the Elder here" The bride gave her a painful smile, caressing her cheek. "It's the least I could do after causing all this trouble, darl-" "But I'll do it" Emily froze. "What?" "I'll do it" Victoria repeated. "I'll drink the Wine of Ages and join you in death. I only have one last favour to ask" Her eyes wandered between the Elder and her spouse. "Can I go back...Upstairs before the wedding and the ritual?" The permission was given and she and Emily went back to the woods where they first met. It wasn't night yet but the moon already shone bright in the sky. Emily was mesmerised: she took a few steps and contemplate the big almost full moon for a while. "I've spent so long in the darkness, I'd almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is." she said at last, turning towards Victoria. She outstretched her arms and when the girl took her hands into hers, she guided her into a gracious slow dance around the woods. The Everglot girl had never seen someone dancing like her: it came so easy to her, as if every step, every move, every spin wasn't just sheer perfection but a second skin to her. She laughed softly when the bride ended the dance with a curtesy, rising her hand to her lips. "One day you'll have me to share some of your dancing teaching with me" "Anytime, sweetheart" "I'll go say my goodbyes now if you-" "Mais biensure, go ahead! I will wait for you here, in this gorgeous moonlight" Victoria flashed her a quick smile and was about to take her leave when Emily gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Victoria, just know that if you ever change your mind about the ritual, I...you can always say no, and I will never judge you or...seek vengeance because of that, you understand?" Victoria nodded, her slightly childish way of nodding. "I'll be back before you know it!" And she disappeared into the woods, headed towards the city. Emily's eyes followed her until she lost sight of her and sat on a fallen tree trunk, sighing contently. But there was no quiet time for her: her right eye started itching until it popped out into her lap to reveal...petty Waggot. "I've heard this already!" the creature muttered angrily. "And i know a lie when I hear it!" Emily rolled her left eye and retrieved the other. "Hello to you too, Waggot! I suggest you to calm down and relax: as much as I appreciate your concern, she will be back" "But of course" he signed, sardonic. "Oh hush you! If you have nothing nice to say, keep quiet and let me enjoy the moonlight for once" Waggot certainly knew how to be exasperating and he was certainly wrong, Emily thought. So she waited and waited until the unpleasant feeling of a deja bu started tormenting her from a corner of her mind. What if petty Waggot was right this time? Troubled and with a growing concern gnawing her, she headed towards the edge of the forest, looking for Victoria. She didn't have to search for long but the scene she found made her hide behind a tree. The girl was standing not far away, on the bridge by the river, but...she wasn't alone. She was hugging a boy around her age with dark hair and eyes that Emily immediately recognised as Victor. When the two parted and kept chatting, the bride rested her back against a tree to avoid getting caught. Emily didn't know what to think, what to make of it. The sudden violent pang of jealousy was soon replaced by a sense of emptiness and pain. What a fool she had been to think someone like Victoria could reciprocate her feelings for her...'Little Miss Living' as Waggot called her. How could she compared to Victor who was still breathing and had a beating heart in his chest just like Victoria? If she touched a burning candle, she would feel no pain, just like if you would cut her with a knife. She wouldn't burn nor bleed like them. Yet, even if her heart wasn't pumping blood in her veins, she could distinctly feel it aching and breaking at the sight of that embrace. With an excruciating urge of crying, she took another look from her hiding spot. This time she made out some words of their conversation. "Do you remember everything?" her spouse was saying. "Find Hildegarde, she knows what to do and-" "And meet you at the church, got it" "Excellent! And Victor..." she took his hand into hers. "You have no idea how important this is for me" "But are you sure? I mean, if you-" "I am, Victor. As I've never been before" Then, she looked over her shoulder and spotted Emily in the woods. Emily wanted to hide but the girl smiled and waved at her. To her surprise even the boy did so, looking terrified, his hand shaking. "I must go now but we have a deal, right? See you, Victor!" With one last hug to an astonished Victor, the Everglot girl joined Emily again and wrapped her arm around hers and walked back to the centre of the woods. She couldn't help but notice that the corpse bride was awfully quiet all the way down. The wedding was set for the following night. The announcement spread a contagious wave of excitement among the residents of the Land of the Dead: everyone wanted to contribute to the brides' special day. It had been long since they last attended a joyful event. So Bonejangles, self-elected best man for the ceremony, took the stage to rehearse his speech, the maitre head gave instructions to the imperturbable bartender while tailors ran up and downs the streets offering to fix the brides' dresses and bakers argued over how to bake the most decadent wedding cake. When time came, an overjoyed crowd marched towards the church, Elder Gutknecht walking upfront with the brides in tow. Needless to say, it was enough to make the old arrogant pastor ran away in his nightgown. Once inside, they took their seat, chatting excitedly. Emily threw Victoria a smile and noticed that her spouse looked nervous now, constantly checking over her shoulders. Her hear ached again. Everyone only went quiet when the Elder asked for silence. "Dearly beloved... and departed..." he started, rather proud of his role of officiant when the doors opened again and he rolled his eyes at the late guests. Emily turned, followed by the rest of the crowd, to see a boy and an old lady with tired, glassy eyes standing - and looking around trying and failing to suppress a shudder - at the end of the aisle. The boy was holding a pile of boxes that for a moment hid his face but no mistake: it was Victor. His eyes found the brides and he offered the best smile he could manage in the general surprise. "Sorry for the interruption, we-we are probably a bit late but we...we brought the dress" Emily, who was bracing herself for the last of another betrayal, couldn't believe her hears. She looked back at Victoria lost, confused. The girl only smiled, her jaw finally relaxing. She wasn't nervous because Victor was late to stop the ceremony and 'save her' but because...Victor was late with her dress? "I'm sorry I kept this from you, Emily...I hope you don't mind if I asked Victor and my maid to join us and bring me the wedding dress Ma ordered. They are the closest I have in this world to friends and the dress was already there so I thought..." she blushed imperceptibly, shrugging. "I thought that I'll only marry once, better do it properly, if you don't mind waiting a little longer" "Of course, dear" Emily whispered, touched, taking her hands into hers. As a lively chatting started again, Victoria headed to the adjacent room with the old lady, who pushed Victor out as soon as she grabbed the last box, eliciting a general round of laughter. Emily threw a sympathetic look to Victor, who was adjusting his tie in a desperate attempt to compose himself. He cleared his throat and asked who was the maid of honor. "Best man here, buddy!" Bonejangles waved from the first row. The Van Dort boy smiled quickly at Emily and approached him. He picked a wedding ring out of his pocket and handed it to him. He was about to leave when the skeleton grabbed his arm and pulled him into a half-hug, inviting to assist to the ceremony with all of them. Victoria's friends were their friends too, he said and the crowd murmured in approval. After what seemed like an eternity to Emily's sentimental heart, the doors of the adjacent room opened and the old woman appeared first, headed towards one the bench after an awkward curtsy. Then...she appeared, and it almost seemed to the corpse bride that her heart started beating again. It wasn't possible but the sight in front of her brought her an happiness so vivid she couldn't help but feel...alive again. The dress Mrs Everglot picked was quite simple and a bit old-fashioned, with little to no decors and high collar. It didn't enhance the beauty of her daughter but Emily thought that Victoria's grace needed no enhancement : she was a vision, walking solemnly back to the altar, a shy smile on her lips and a bouquet of violets in her hands. While the ceremony started at last and they began sharing their vows, Emily thought back at all the moments they shared together. The comforting warmth of Victoria's living body against hers when she fell asleep on her shoulders and the dimples on her cheeks when she laughed at a joke. The somber look in her eyes when she told her about her unhappy life with her family and the urgency she felt of holding her in her arms back then. Or their non-duet at the piano, their dance in the moonlight... So when time come and Victoria held and goblet of Wine of Ages and recited "Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine" She stopped her before she could bring the poison to her lips. "No" she cut her short. "But Emily..." Now Victoria was the one lost in the plot. Emily placed the goblet back on the altar and gave her a sad smile filled. "I was a girl like you once. Then life was taken from me. I love you, Victoria, and I will never do the same to you. I will never take your life. We only live once and you...deserve to live yours to the fullest" Out of the blue, the church doors slammed open again and a man the Everglot girl recognised as the mysterious man attending the rehearsals of her wedding as if he owned the whole place walked in. He looked straight at her with a charming yet vaguely menacing grin. He profused himself in a speech about how relieved he was to find her at last, she was sent to look for her by her family, devastated by her sudden disappearance. When he was close enough, he gallantly offered her a hand, asking to follow him. His courtesy didn't last long though: when Victoria, shocked by his complete disregard for the surroundings, refused, he grabbed her arm and made to pull her away. Murmurs raised from the audience and Victor raised to his feet. "Leave me! You have no right to come her and force me to follow you" Victoria protested, dropping her bouquet. "As a matter of fact, I do have, darling" he smirked, an ominous wolfish grin. "I humbly asked for your hand in marriage if I managed to find the lost girl, and guess what Mom and Dad said after that disastrous engagement? So that makes you my fiancée, dear Victoria" My fiancée...my fiancée... The world echoed in Emily's mind until a sudden memory hit her. The foggy night, the oak tree, the menacing gleam of the rapier. "Let her go now, you monster" she shouted, cold fury simmering in her bones. "Mind your business" he hissed back, pulling Victoria's arm again but Emily took hold of his own in a steely grip. "I say let her go now and get out" He met her gaze with his face distorted in anger. He didn't recognise her at first but when he did, his face tensed up in fear and horror as he back-pedalled, setting the Everglot girl free. "It can't be..." "My thoughts precisely...when you left me to die and ran away with my gold" Emily now advanced threateningly in his direction as a loud gasp resound through the curch. Fury and panic ruled his moves as he promptly unsheathed his rapier and thrusted it into the bride's ribcage only to find out that he had no luck this time. An ominous smile crossed her face as she dropped her own bouquet and exclaimed: "General? Your saber" "With great pleasure, Emily" Nobody knew whether the bride was skilled in sword fighting but the duel that followed was not for the faint of heart. Emily's stabs were raw, unrefined but her thirst for vengeance made up for it; also her previous knowledge of Lord Barkis came in handy as he wasn't to be trusted with a sword. He fought as a scoundrel now that he dropped the mask and scoundrels of his sort, with no honour nor empathy, never fight fairly. Panic and turmoil erupted among the guests. Suddenly, Victoria's voice resounded over the clashing of the swords. "Victor, run, go find the guards and expose Lord Barkis! And you, down there lock the doors!" The boy looked confused for a moment but recovered soon and sprinted away into the night while the bartender and another skeleton locked the doors behind him . Lord Barkis didn't even notice him, blocking another hit. "Expose me? And for what, milady?" he laughed, an hideous humourless laughter. "I am inclined to believe the guards will consider the accusations seriously once they find you armed on a crime scene" the Evetglot girl explained, quietly. "What crime scene? I am the one being attacked here!" "Get out, you monster, I said!" Emily roared. Then, a sudden collective gasp from the attending guests, drove the attention back to the other side of the aisle. Even the fighting stopped. Victoria was standing by the altar, steely determination in her gaze and the goblet in her right hand. Her gaze found the corpse bride again and she lifted her left hand. "With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for" she continued, raising the goblet. "I will be your wine." Emily cried out an impotent "no!" as the girl drowned the poisoned goblet in one huge gulp, wincing afterwards. The corpse bride dropped the saber, and held her dress as she ran as quickly as her feet could take her to the altar. Stubbornly, Victoris grabbed a candle and raise it but her hands started shaking, just like her voice. "With this candle, I will light ...your way...in...darkness." The candlestick fell to the marble ground just as Emily rushed to held her trembling figure and prevent her to fall too. Victoria was awfully pale and abandoned herself into her arms like a dead weight, unable to sustain herself anymore. Her breathing was feeble, a pained whisper when she continued. "With this...ring, I...ask you...to be...mine." Emily desperatly called her name but her eyes lost her usual gleam and the body in her arms became too cold and still for a living. The Wine of Ages truly was deadly. Overwhelmed by the heartbreak, Emily cradled the lifeless body tenderly while tears rimmed her face. Foolish, foolish Victoria. Her despair was met by a respectful silence, to honour her loss. Or so she thought until someone cleared their throat and offered placed a hand over her shoulder. "Emily, I think this is when the officiant says 'You may now kiss the bride'" a familiar voice said. Not just a familiar voice. Her voice. Emily opened her eyes and turned her head. Victoria - or her corpse - was standing at her side, smiling encouragely. Emily stood without hesitation as if drawn to her by an irresistible force. When they faced each other, she reached for her hands. "I thought I lost you" Victoria raised cold fingertips to her cheek. "You never will, my love" When they lips touched, a light so bright emanated from their embracing bodies, swallowing them completely till they disappeared into a shower of butterflies. What follows is matter of legends and stories told by the fireplace. After the wedding, the guards stormed into the now empty church only to find the corpse of Miss Everglot in a wedding dress and Lord Barkis on the verge on insanity. He claimed he was innocent but he sounded rather hysterical. According to the local chronicles, his arrest lead to an investigation that uncovered a series of murders of local wealthy heiresses in the villages he stopped by. Sentenced guilty and not sane in his head, he ended his days in an asylum, without a penny and forgotten by the world. As for the other characters of the story... Apparently, that eventful night the curse of the corpse bride was broken as she found the true love who set her free. Victor Van Dort left the village is search of better fortune as a pianist. The dawn of his departure, a pair of butterflies, a blue and a lilac one, graciously waltzed inside his room, flying around him; he likes to think they were the brides saying adieu and wishing him a bright new life. The woods are now less ominous: kids play by the river again and nobody fears venturing there, even after dark. However, some claims that the forest is still somehow haunted. The baker's son swears that if you go by the oak tree during full moon, you would see two female spirits dancing a waltz in the moonlight. They are not spooky: on the contrary, quite a joy for the eyes. And one of them looks just like Miss Victoria Everglot.

[xianglingslesbian]

oh I'll give u a character alright: Izuki, Kiyoshi, Riko and Aomine <333 technically that's four, but what goes around comes around (I'll keep this circle of love goin forever buddy)

VICCCC ily my man <33 thank u!!! aight putting this under a cut bc it got long

Izuki

Why I like them: izuki’s just overall so amazing! he inspires me to give my best in the stuff i do, and although it sounds a bit silly i try to be a person that he’d be proud of. his puns are hilarious and well-thought-out (as a person who loves words and word jokes, i’m naturally drawn to him lol). they’re also a way to take the heat off the team, he’s so hardworking and never views obstacles as obstacles, rather as hills he must climb to find newer skies. he’s also rather clever and employs his brains to great effect when his body fails him! izuki embodies the meaning of ‘eagle’ in the truest sense - waiting to strike when the time is right and not failing when it is.

Why I don’t: *sweats* can’t really think of a reason i don’t like izuki, at all??? i guess he can overwork himself a lot and tends to keep his true emotions hidden which could lead to misunderstandings between friends (although this is totally headcanon territory lol)... i also didn’t like the ableist comment he passed on hayama (“i’m just glad you weren’t smarter than me”). but i think he can (and will!) grow from that kind of stuff, he is that kind of person so yeah no particular reason for me to dislike him at all

Favorite episode (scene if movie): how dare you make me pick s3 e8 izuki vs kasamatsu, hands down. i know its like cliche or whatever but that moment just told me so much about izuki as a character? he’s willing to do what it takes to win, he’s adaptable and dependable and he doesn’t let shit get him down ever. it’s gorgeous

Favorite season/movie: s3, he got some fantastic moments in there!! although i will say i loved the spotlighting he got in s1 in the seihō match

Favorite line: “Fear isn't a bad thing. There are some things that can only be done by cowards.” this is first of all such a nice thing to say. ‘fear is not bad’ is just... so fucking wise? keep in mind that this boy is 17, i’ve met 30 year olds who are less mature. secondly it feels like izu’s speaking from experience?? like he has a lot to be scared of, i’m sure. particularly of falling behind and being a burden to his teammates. but it’s that ‘cowardice’ that drives him to practice so so hard. that visceral terror of weighing on seirin is what pushes izuki beyond his limits - which is why here he can empathise with furi’s fear, and knows how best to employ it.

Favorite outfit: look i hate last game w/ a passion but that lil tie/shirt/hoodie thing he had going? that was literally so cute. izuki in general has a p great fashion sense but his last game outfit takes the cake <3

OTP: hyuuizu oh my god i could talk for years about them but since this post is gonna be very long i’ll refrain. just. they are perfect they are fucking perfect

Brotp: kiyoizu!! kiyoshi is izuki’s biggest enabler and i love that for him <3

Head Canon: izuki can be very very passive aggressive when he’s angry at someone/sad and gets cold and withdrawn. it’s not fun to experience but tbh if you upset him you probably deserve it

Unpopular opinion: izuki should’ve been naturally better in canon. it’s not fair to shaft him and give the ‘trier’ thing off to himuro. that being said i am p happy with who he is as a person

A wish: i want to know how izuki felt after middle school! izuki’s and riko’s backstory focuses so much on hyuuga its dumb >:( he also would’ve been demoralised but he didn’t quit bball and i would like to know his thought process!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: i. uh. i guess izu quitting basketball. because i genuinely cannot see that happening. it brings him so much joy, he should never stop cold turkey. i can imagine old man izuki hobbling about a court giving little kids pointers and making them laugh T-T

5 words to best describe them: “big brain caffeine-powered clown baby” 

My nickname for them: babyzuki/izu/shunshun

Kiyoshi

Why I like them: lots of reasons! kiyoshi is an admirable person. he’s strong, yet friendly and gentle, and he loves his team above all else, which i just find beautiful. i find his manipulative side also pretty cool, bc it shows off how multifaceted he is.

Why I don’t: this is more of a fandom reason but i really dislike how kiyoshi is always said to have had the greatest impact in hyuuga’s story. he badgered and manipulated hyuuga, and while some may argue hyuuga needed that push, it only worked bc hyuuga had had time to think about shit. he’d also been given space by riko and izuki (two integral parts of his life whom the fandom looooves to sideline for uwu kiyo//hyuu). 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): yousen match (can’t pick the episodes)! i loved the backstory we got for kiyo vs mura and i loved how kiyoshi was willing to smile and play but also refused to lose. he truly stole the show despite kagami being the one to finally take down murasakibara, it was gorgeous <3

Favorite season/movie: s2 for sure. kiyoshi wasn’t allowed to shine much after yousen imo - all the focus was on hyuuga kagami and kuroko, and to a lesser extent izuki. not complaining, but yeah

Favorite line: “Let’s go have some fun.” i know it’s kinda cliche but i do love how kiyoshi’s always thinking about playing a good game and enjoying basketball. he wants to play because he loves it and as someone who loves a sport as much as kiyoshi loves b-ball, that love is so poignant and tender

Favorite outfit: practice clothes! kiyoshi looks great in pink <3

OTP: kiyohana. hateshipping amirite ;)

Brotp: kiyohyuu! i love them as friends so so much <3

Head Canon: kiyoshi is half-iranian on his mother’s side and is muslim. i won’t say too much because i am not muslim myself, i need to do more research into this but i’ve had this headcanon for quite a while now!

Unpopular opinion: he should be bullied more for the fact that his canon power is having yaoi hands

A wish: kiyo finds something he loves as much as b-ball. he can’t canonically play at this level again, so if he found another sport/competition/anything, it’d be amazing

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he should never become demoralised. kiyoshi at heart is a dreamer, so let him dream, let him look towards tomorrow with a smile always

5 words to best describe them: “useless dreamy dumbass cheerleader clown”

My nickname for them: kiyoyo, bc my feelings about him have yo-yoed a lot lmao

Riko

Why I like them: im a lesbian, next. /j i love her because she’s so tenacious and driven. yet she’s also kind and gentle, and never loses her humanity. she cares, and she cares hard. she’s so fucking smart too like... coaching a hs basketball team at 17 against players of NBA calibre and making them win? i could never. seirin without riko is nothing.

Why I don’t: i dont like the constant slapstick of her beating up her boys. also, i dislike how the narrative forces her to act ‘feminine’ and then has the boys think of it as nothing. like first of all if someone like her offered me a kiss i would so take 100, and secondly... why is a girl’s worth so tied to her femininity? it’s awful

Favorite episode (scene if movie): her sending in furi vs kaijō, early in s3. it was an exceedingly smart move that could have only come from her knowing her players’ strengths and weaknesses intimately, and being a brilliant coach. just amazing <3

Favorite season/movie: all of them! riko has some amazing moments each season, so i can’t really pick

Favorite line: “Humans grow. Don't act like you understand when you don't even realize that!” here, riko knows and knows well that she is in her element. momoi might have the data, but riko understands adaptability and knows how to predict stuff. in that way, one can draw parallels between takao vs izuki and momoi vs riko: takao and momoi are recon experts, whereas riko and izuki are strategists. momoi uses raw data; riko manipulates the data to her advantage

Favorite outfit: idk if this is exactly an outfit but her glasses are so cute oh my gosh. (i’d kill to see her in a leather jacket tho)

OTP: rikomomo!!! i’m 100% sure that momoi’s fixation w/riko’s boobs is just... repressed lesbian sentiments. also sports girlfriends gimme

Brotp: hyuuizuriko. i hc that hyuuizu were tgt since elementary school and riko joined them in middle school so... childhood friends feels!

Head Canon: riko knows how to shoot a gun. her father owns one so it makes sense

Unpopular opinion: riko does not need to have bigger boobs in fanart. please stop sexualising a 17 year old girl

A wish: white suit riko please

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her ever leaving behind sports in any way shape or form. it’s her thing. in the same vein, she should never have to change herself or become more traditionally feminine to be ‘appealing’

5 words to best describe them: perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect

My nickname for them: ai/riri

Aomine

Why I like them: aomine is just a pure, hurting young man that deserves help. he’s passionate, and his fire died down out of no fault of his own. that fire’s reignition through kagami is one of my favorite scenes <3

Why I don’t: he’s perverted as hell and i dislike that. it plays into the ‘brutish dark-skinned pervert’ stereotype which is yikes. also i thought we were done with pervs in anime

Favorite episode (scene if movie): s2 seirin v touou when kagami enters the zone!! aomine’s finally happy and it’s so amazing to watch <3

Favorite season/movie: s2, he finally got happiness and peace of mind

Favorite line: “You’re the best!” there’s just so much of pure joy in this line. he’s so so beside himself that he finally has someone he won’t destroy. kagami sees aomine the person, and that person is so happy, it’s beautiful

Favorite outfit: the leather jacket from the finale lmaooo he looked so cute

OTP: AOKAGA BABY i could write an essay tbh

Brotp: aomomo!! theyre such good friends and bi/lesbian solidarity too!

Head Canon: aomine cannot dance. he has stepped on kagami’s feet multiple times. he has also attempted to twerk when drunk. kuroko recorded the whole thing and uses it as blackmail in case the puppy eyes and “but aomine-kun you didn’t fist bump me back” don’t work

Unpopular opinion: more a fandom thing, but you all need to stop making aomine the aggressive/possessive top/‘seme’. it’s racist as fuck

A wish: aomine goes pro. it’ll be amazing for him, a huge challenge and kagami will be there too so its a win-win ;)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he quits again/b-ball loses its allure. aomine at heart is someone who needs passion to drive him so i just want that passion to always burn bright within him

5 words to best describe them: “bastard baby needs a hug”

My nickname for them: dai-chan, momoi rubbed off on me

[samrosemodblog]

Looking back at my art from the 2010s. I went through and picked 1 piece I drew/wrote from each year that I felt either showed off my best art, my most iconic art, my best improvement, or was simply a personal favorite of mine.

There were a lot of possible choices and it was kind of difficult to narrow it down to 1 per year, since each piece tends to encapsulate so much more than just a single moment per year. Especially with stuff like Motherly Scootaloo or Aria’s Archives encapsulating so much history in a single picture. But under the Read More are my choices at the end of the decade:

     1.) My Old Drawn Blog # 53

Man, the years before MLP existed were really weird for me. I knew I liked drawing and telling stories, but I had no consistent direction on what I wanted to do with my art. I was still jumping between different comics and ideas, and in 2010 I was going through some of the worst depression I’d ever felt in my entire life. I hadn’t even had the experience of being kicked out of the first place I tried to move out of home to yet. It was wild.

As for the ‘joke’ that seems ‘so obvious’ in this post, I had a running gag back then of the face the Flower makes, known as the ‘screaming window’ face. I drew it whenever I needed to draw something screaming in pain or fear for maximum comedic effect. Maybe I’ll bring it back some day lol

     2.) Silent Ponyville

I couldn’t NOT put Silent Ponyville on this list. I was gonna have both 1 and 2 as different spots, but I wrote them both in the same year. That seems insane to me now?? Like WOW, I just WROTE those fics and then they became fandom-wide phenomenons. To the point where even in 2019 I’m still getting people drawing fanart of it, or people telling me “Yeah, I got into Fanfiction because I read Silent Ponyville”.

I don’t know if I’ll ever make a creative piece as universally known in a fandom as Silent Ponyville again, but I sure would love to make an original piece of art that is as beloved as Silent Ponyville one day, if not more so. It’s a testament to the fact that if I put my mind to it, I can create a really amazing horror experience, and I know I do plan to do so again some day.

     3.) Pirate Dash x Dead Rainbow Dash

Who doesn’t love shipping wars that get large numbers of people involved? This is probably the second most involved in the ‘community’ I got, though it was certainly the better experience of the two. And it was all just for silly fun at the end of the day.

And funnily enough I never ACTUALLY shipped these two, I just thought the reactions from the creators seeing them be shipped was hilarious, so it just kind of grew from there. It was all fun and games at the end of the day, and made for a good memory, and a pretty dang ambitiously drawn pic for the time!

     4.) If Twilight Wasn’t a Princess

2013 was surprisingly sparse as far as ambitious projects or art pieces go. I was in full swing with Motherly Scootaloo, and nothing really ‘amazing’ happened in 2013 for the blog. Which was surprising. But Season 4 of MLP DID happen! And it started with the Princesses going missing, and authority over Equestria being transferred to Twilight as the next closest Princess around. And with Cadance ruling the Crystal Empire, I thought, who did that leave to rule if Twilight HADN’T been able to temporarily take the role?

And judging by the length of the comments section on DA, a lot of people found the idea hilarious as well lol. Blue Blood NEVER showed up again for the entire run of the show, and it’s a shame because there was a lot of hilarious joke potential they could’ve done with him. But ya know, the show is what it is is, and this joke still makes me laugh.

     5.) My Time

My first original music video, with a song I had commissioned and everything! While it wasn’t my first video involving music and MLP, it was the first time everything was mine in one way or another. I wish I could write music, but the ambitiously talented AllLevelsAtOnce and Queen Mickey the Sass Master made this project well worth the time and effort put into making it!

And of course, it encapsulates the kind of futures I wish the CMC had acquired, with Sweetie Belle finally achieving her foreshadowed talent of singing. Apple Bloom built the stage, and Scootaloo likely would’ve ended up the choreographer if not for her baby. Sadly we shall only ever have fanon for that.

     6.) Demonloo

Love or hate the wedding arc of Motherly Scootaloo, this will always be one of, if not my top, favorite panel from the entire arc. Scootaloo looks just so appropriately menacing, and the effects placed on her are glorious. And then of course, I love the little twist of “That’s not just an audience visual effect, she actually looked that way in the comic” rofl

Motherly Scootaloo was a trip that got weird with my inclusion of magic and magical beings from the show, so much so to the point that if I were to ever remake the whole thing one day, a LOT of that would be toned down. Probably to the point Chronus wouldn’t exist. But hey, things are the way they are, but I will forever love the art of this arc.

     7.) A Motherly Scootaloo Christmas

If there ever was a picture that basically summarized the entirety of Motherly Scootaloo, it was this picture. Pretty much ever major character of the stories over the years was in the picture (minus Starlight) and showing their relations to everyone pretty much. I remember this picture basically killing me when I was drawing it, but was really proud at the time of how it came out. Of course, I could see how to improve it now, but I’m not gonna lol

It’s still crazy to me how many years Motherly went on for, and how much time and effort was put into it. But I’m still glad I did all of it over those years. It taught me so much about art, and about myself, and in the end, taught me the skills I needed to make art a true career for myself. And I’ll always love it for that. And introducing me to the best friends I’ve ever had, of course.

     8.) Twilight-Midnight is PISSED

Look. I recognize the Aero crossover had some convoluted issues with it, but god DAMN if I didn’t enjoy drawing that fight scene! I GENUINELY loved every panel of it! I can only hope that in the future the fight scenes I draw will be just as fun to draw as these were. And as visually impressive!

That’s ultimately why this won my pic over say, the time-glitch arc with her Mom. The explosions, the action lines, the visual foreshortening, I’ve never seen such visual improvements in a single update from me quite like I have these entire scenes. When I push myself to be amazing, I can pull off some fantastic art, and I need to do it more!

     9.) A StarTrix Christmas

2018 had a LOT of really good choices. Like. Too many choices. So many art pieces I was super proud of, so many pieces that showed growth as an artist, was a personal favorite, that people loved... So in the end, I went with the piece from the end of the year that is still a piece I hold up as truly a cultivation of how much effort I can put in to a picture.

Also it’s Christmas related. I LOVE Christmas. Never enough Christmas.

And as much as I hate FriendLight Glimmer, I still ADORE StarTrix content. It’s the good food for me, one of the rare things that the later era of G4 got right for me. And since I can make them be however I want in fanon, making them a GOOD loving couple was top priority for me, and I just adore them together. I truly do. And this picture is beautiful because of the love I put into it.

     10.) Fate of the Lost Princess

I couldn’t NOT put Fate of the Lost Princess on this list. It’s too important to me, means too much to me, and shows my growth as an artist the most. And of the pages of Fate of the Lost Princess I have done so far, the piece of Tina and Noah on a bus stands out the most for me because, I ACTUALLY managed to make it look and feel like they were on a bus! I was so worried about this page and I spent so long working on making it look right, and in the end, I succeeded in a way I never thought I could!

It feels good to end the decade on my original webcomic, showing just how much I’ve grown as an artist. Going from a successful fanartist, to a successful original artist, that still does fanart on the side, but I’ve grown into my own person now.

I’ve lost track of how many times I tried to start an original comic, only to stop working on it and let it fade into obscurity. Fate of the Lost Princess is the most effort and work I’ve put into an original comic before, and I’m so proud of myself for not only getting as far as I have, but proud of how much effort I plan to put into it in the future, and how much effort I’ll put into the comics beyond Fate of the Lost Princess.

It represents everything that is me from the last 10 years, and I hope it’ll be the fantastic start of the 2010s I want it to be. And I couldn’t have picked something to be more proud of to wrap this decade up with.

[artificialqueens]

Exercise in folly 2.0 - Chapter 2.1 (Craquaria) - SamWhity

Title: Exercise in Folly 2.0

Summary: Monét looked at her with disbelief, before sighing: “Giovanni never saw the damn video. He dodged the whole thing like a pro because he was trying to be your friend”. “He’s my friend”. Cracker’s answer came without any hesitation, so natural and passionate that the other queen smiled softly. “Cracks…” Summary of the chapter: Maxwell tries again and receives an unexpected answer. Giovanni sulks and Kevin and Nicola are the best friends we all should wish for. Author’s note: Even though Aquaria and Jordan Stawecki seem to be friendly with eachother again, I decided to have them still un-reconciled for the time being. Everything you will read about this moment in time and the so-called drama should be furthermore considered purely fictional and nothing that is portrayed here has any legitimacy.

Chapter one

You keep me up at night To my messages, you do not reply You know I still like you the most The best of the best and the worst of the worst Well, you can never know The places that I go I still like you the most You’ll always be my favorite ghost

(Florence + The Machine, Big God)

Even though he deeply enjoyed touring with others queens, Maxwell Heller couldn’t help himself from sighing contently while putting down his luggage in the entrance of his apartment.

“Home sweet home”, he mumbled with a smile, before closing the door behind him.

“Coffee?”, Kathelyn asked while making her way to the kitchen.

“Of course”, the man answered, then he picked up one suitcase and started unpacking the gifts and fanarts he received on the road.

Just as he started reading a very long letter, his phone vibrated.

Monét X-Change, 2:34 pm: Got home safe?

Monét X-Change, 2:34 pm: We’re having dinner at mine, with Dustin and Yuhua. You coming?

Monét X-Change, 2:35 pm: I’ll ask Giovanni as well, but only the Lord knows what is up with that twink nowadays…

Monét X-Change, 2:35 pm: You coming, right?

Monét X-Change, 2:36 pm: Come on Cracks, answer already!

Maxwell chuckled, clearly amused by his friend’s lack of patience, before typing a short answer.

Miz Cracker, 2:37 pm: All right, all right. I’ll be there.

Monét X-Change, 2:38 pm: Perfect! Bring Kathelyn with you, it will be fun!

“What are you laughing at?”, his best friend asked, while handing him a mug full of steaming coffee.

“Kevin is being ridiculous as usual”, he explained, before taking a sip of the beverage and wincing in pain “Shit! That was really hot!”.

Kathelyn rolled her eyes, before going to her bedroom and starting to unpack.

“I’ll see a couple of friends tonight, don’t wait for me”, she said, while folding a shirt.

Maxwell nodded, then he added: “I’ll be at Kevin’s for dinner, don’t worry”.

The scoff he received as an answer was followed by a quick: “Well now I’m worried. Don’t get into any trouble, Mister”.

The look she received as an answer was enough to make her giggle.

“I love you too”, she conceded with a soft smile, then she closed the door behind her.

Kathelyn, 2:43 pm: I’m serious. We don’t have enough money to pay bail yet.

Kathelyn, 2:43 pm: Can you imagine? Okay, Kathelyn, time for slob.

Kathelyn, 2:44 pm: You have to admit that it was pretty funny.

Kathelyn, 2:44 pm: Right?

Kathelyn, 2:44 pm: RIGHT?!

Maxwell, 2:45 pm: I was waiting for you to finish your little piece…

Kathelyn, 2:45 pm: Don’t be so salty… :P

Maxwell, 2:46 pm: I will call in intervention, if you don’t stop

Maxwell, 2:47 pm: I’ve warned you

Kathelyn, 2:47 pm: You’re no fun…

After a couple of minutes, Maxwell’s phone vibrated once again, making him snort.

Kathelyn, 2:52 pm: You have to admit it. It’s time for slob was HILARIOUS.

***

Nicola, 2:43 pm: I just received the upteenth video of “Viva Las Vegas”. Please send help.

Giovanni Palandrani, barely awake but already in a weird mood, chuckled at his phone. With a little smile on his lips, he typed an answer.

Giovanni, 2:44 pm: Oh, poor you. Do you want me to send you “New York, New York”, just to switch it up a little bit?

The answer he got made him giggle stupidly.

Nicola, 2:45 pm: Do not even dare, kid! Otherwise I will personally ask Gaga to strike you from her beloved list of the most loyal fans!

Nicola, 2:45 pm: Where has the respect for the elders gone?

Nicola, 2:46 pm: Not that I’m old.

Nicola, 2:46 pm: Because I am certainly not old, understood?

Giovanni’s smile grew bigger. He quickly replied, before making his way to the balcony of the hotel room.

Giovanni, 2:47 pm: I would never imply you are old. I will just state that Shaquida was still going to daycare, while you were already driving one of those ugly tanks you like so much.

Giovanni, 2:48 pm: To quote Bob the Drag Queen, Nicola Formichetti is so old, he would probably die the moment he decided to act his age.

He did not receive any kind of answer for a couple of minutes and the lack of response made him worry he took it too far. Why was he always taking it too far?

“Goddamn it, Giovanni”, he murmured, before typing quickly.

Giovanni, 2:51 pm: It was totally inappropriate, I am so sorry! I should have just shut up.

Giovanni, 2:51 pm: Sorry, I am just in a weird mood. I am so so sorry…

Giovanni, 2:52 pm: I understand if you’re mad now but please know I really did not mean it in a disrespectful way.

The answer he got made him snort his water and sigh with relief at the same time.

Nicola, 2:54 pm: RELAX, I was just busy. I know how to roll with the punches kid… ;)

“You bastard”, he whispered, before answering.

Giovanni, 2:55 pm: Busy recording yourself playing the piano? Charming… :P

Nicola, 2:55 pm: Can we please go back to the apology? I liked you way better when you were sincerely apologizing…

Giovanni started laughing, before realising someone knocked at his hotel door.

“It’s open”, he said.

One of the hotel’s butlers was standing in front of the door, looking at him composedly, his hands hidden behind his back.

“The car will be here in less than forty minutes, sir”, he announced, before handing him a bouquet of flowers and adding: “Someone left this for you at the counter, today”.

The young man thanked him, before closing the door behind him and starting to gather his suitcases. He could do it even without Jordan, he thought to himself.

He put the bouquet on top of his carry-on, before picking the card and reading it out loud.

“To Aquaria. Thanks for the most amazing show I could possibly wish for. You are one of the best performers I had the pleasure to witness and I can’t wait to see you again, slaying on stage. Xoxo”

The boy smiled, before taking a picture of the sweet gift and uploading it to his Instastories with the caption “Blessed” and a smiling kitty.

In that exact moment, his phone vibrated again.

Monét X-Change, 3:04 pm: We’re having dinner at mine today! You’re in right?

He smiled, excited at the idea of seeing Kevin, before realizing he could not possibly make it to New York on time and sighing.

Aquaria, 3:04 pm: I wish! I’ll be back later tonight :(

Aquaria, 3:05 pm: You can feed me leftovers for brunch tomorrow, if you’re free. :D

Monét X-Change 3:05 pm: Lunch at mine and it’s a date. ;)

Aquaria, 3:06 pm: Now that took a turn…

Monét X-Change, 3:06 pm: You bitch!!!

Monét X-Change, 3:06 pm: You only wish…

A quick glance at his watch made him realize his ride would have arrived in a couple of minutes. He put his bags on the trolley he got from the reception and made his way to the elevator.

“You can make it, see?”, he murmured to himself, trying to avoid thinking about the whole drama around Jordan and his sudden interest in Los Angeles.

Once in the elevator, he found another text.

Miz Cracker, 3:12 pm: Are you coming to Monét’s?

He quickly left the message on read, before going back to the other one and trying to come up with a silly if not funny answer.

Aquaria, 3:12 pm: Last time I checked, I already gave to charity. Like a ton. Maybe next year you’ll be luckier ;)

“Weak”, he murmured to himself, before exiting the elevator and waiting for the car in the lobby of the hotel.

His phone vibrated again.

Miz Cracker, 3:14 pm: Are you purposefully ignoring me?

Miz Cracker, 3:14 pm: If you do not feel like talking it’s fine, just stop leaving me on read.

Miz Cracker, 3:15 pm: For real, Giovanni.

With a sigh, Giovanni locked the screen and saw the car approaching. He exited the building, put his sunglasses on and smiled at the driver, who then proceeded to load the suitcases in the trunk. He sat in the back-seat and put on his headphones, trying to come up with an answer for Cracker as well. Nothing. His phone vibrated once again.

Monét X-Change, 3:22 pm: You little sly bitch…

Monét X-Change, 3:22 pm: Have you talked to Cracks, btw?

Monét X-Change, 3:23 pm: And don’t you even dare to play dumb. You know better.

“Shit”, Giovanni murmured, before biting his lower lip and typing a couple of words.

Aquaria, 3:24 pm: I don’t know what to say.

Monét X-Change, 3:25 pm: Kid… just tell him how you felt while watching that video.

Aquaria, 3:25 pm: It’s not that.

Aquaria, 3:25 pm: It’s a lot more than that and I do not know how to react. And fucking everything around me is crumbling…

Monét X-Change, 3:26 pm: I heard about Jordan. I’m sorry, baby.

Aquaria, 3:26 pm: Can we please not talk about it now? I don’t really feel like crying in a taxi…

Monét X-Change, 3:27 pm: Of course, baby. Of course. I will see you tomorrow okay? Come at around one and we’ll have a kiki.

Aquaria, 3:27 pm: Thank you, Kevin. :*

“We’re here”, the driver pulled over, before exiting and starting to look for a cart to put Giovanni’s luggage on.

The young man exited the car as well, then took his bag and thanked the driver with a polite smile.

“Keep the change”, he said, while handing him some cash.

He quickly entered the airport and deposited his suitcases, before heading to the lounge and helping himself with a glass of juice.With a sigh, he took his phone out of his bag and tried to come up with a reply for Maxwell.

Nothing. Again.

The screen lit up for a quick second.

Nicola, 3:51 pm: Already at the airport? How are you feeling?

He bit his lower lip, before answering.

Giovanni, 3:52 pm: Honestly? I don’t know… I have so many things on my mind and I can’t stop thinking about other things and all this thinking is making me crazy.

“Way to go, Giovanni. You really have a way with words”, he sneered, after reading the message once again.

Nicola, 3:52 pm: Care to untuck? (See what I did there?)

Giovanni smiled at the attempt at making him laugh, before typing further.

Aquaria, 3:53 pm: I do not know where to begin, honestly… there is so much going on and I have so little control over how things are going…

Nicola, 3:54 pm: I will take an educated guess and say it has little to do with the lack of creativity in your current work, right?

Nicola, 3:54 pm: And before you start, your work is still fucking incredible.

Nicola, 3:55 pm: But I’ve known you long enough, kid…

The young man sighed, before answering.

Giovanni, 3:56 pm: I am in a weird place, right now. After all this drama about Jordan and people assuming I treated him like a fucking slave, I had to sit and watch that video. And it stung more than I could ever predict.

Giovanni quickly realized he was close to tears and decided to put his sunglasses back on, just to prevent a scene.

The other man’s answer was concise.

Nicola, 3:58 pm: Tell him

Nicola, 3:58 pm: Tell him that it hurt and maybe you can sort this shit out

Giovanni, 3:59 pm: Maybe

Nicola, 4:00 pm: Listen, I’ll be in NYC tomorrow afternoon. Sushi at mine?

Giovanni smiled: the care that man had for him was something he was incredibly grateful for, even if he could not quite figure out why the older one was caring so much. He quickly typed an answer.

Giovanni, 4:01 pm: I could use some sushi for dinner tomorrow, actually

Nicola, 4:01 pm: Then it’s a date! Let’s say at 9 PM?

Giovanni, 4:02 pm: That sounds perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Nicola, 4:03 pm: See you tomorrow, kid. Be safe xoxo

When his flight was announced, the young man got up quickly and made his way towards the gate. Once seated, he closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep.

***

“Guess who’s back in da house!”.

Kevin welcomed him with a solid hug and a warm smile. Maxwell entered the apartment, hung is coat and made his way to the kitchen, where Yuhua and Dustin were chatting sipping on some cheap wine.

“Hi guys”, he smiled and took a couple of steps forward to hug the both of them.

Yuhua hugged him back, with a big smile.

“How have you been, girl?”, the queen asked, before making space for Dustin to hug him too.

Max hugged the friend back, before answering: “Good. Busy but I can’t complain”.

They quickly sat at the table, waiting for the food to be delivered.

“Has someone heard from Giovanni?”, Dustin asked, while sipping on his glass of wine.

Kevin raised his glass, nodding.

“I did. He’s not home until later tonight”, he explained, then he added: “I will meet with him tomorrow, to see how he’s doing and stuff”.

Yuhua raised an eyebrow.

“Stuff?”.

In that exact moment, Maxwell chocked on his glass of soda and started coughing, causing Dustin to laugh manically.

“You bitch!”, Kevin laughed, patting his best friend on the back in order to prevent him from choking any further, “I want to see how he’s doing, what he’s up to and this kind of things. I also have yet to give him my Christmas present”, he said with a proud smile.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted the conversation and the host stood up to go take the food and pay.

“I’ll be right back, ladies”.

After a couple of minutes, they were sitting in front of a plethora of boxes and paper bags full of Thai food.

“You really went all out”, Yuhua looked at the food with disbelief, before adding: “Are you sure you don’t need anything from us?”.

Kevin pinched his friend, before opening a container and smiling at the sight of the steaming hot curry inside it.

“I just thought it would be nice to spend time all together again”, he said before pausing and adding: “Well, without Giovanni… but you know what I mean”.

The others nodded, before starting to eat.

***

Finally in his apartment, Giovanni left the suitcases in the hallway and sighed.

“Home sweet home”, he murmured, before switching the light on and deciding he might as well turn the heating on and warm up the rooms a little bit.

His phone vibrated, making him jump.

Jordan, 00:17 am: In February I will be gone.

Jordan, 00:17 am: Just letting you know.

The young man bit his lower lip, before typing a quick answer.

Giovanni, 00:18 am: Thank you for letting me know.

He put his phone back in his pocket, then he went to his room and opened a drawer, taking out a small plastic bag. He rolled himself a joint and went to smoke it on the balcony, trying to clear his head.

“Shit”, he murmured, before closing his eyes and sighing.

He did not know what to do, let alone how to react to Jordan’s antics any more. After the whole fiasco in London, he had absolutely no idea how to go further without ruining their friendship. When the management stepped in, he had no other options than to fire him and the expression in his eyes was one of defiance and cockiness he had never seen before.

“As if you would survive a day without me”, Jordan sneered, before collecting his jacket and leaving the room.

Giovanni took his phone out of his jacket, hoping Nicola would be awake and willing to listen to him vent.

Aquaria, 00:23 am: I am currently sitting on the staircase outside and all I can think about is how many friendships I’ve fucked up. It’s making me slowly insane and paranoid and so unsure of myself it is almost disgusting. I don’t recognise this part of me and it scares me, I don’t know how to react to Maxwell’s messages or to Jordan’s rage and it is making me go crazy.

He sent the message without checking the name of the receiver. Needless to say, just because karma and faith every once in a while love to play tricks on people, he sent it to Maxwell instead without realizing the mistake he made.

He locked the screen, finished his joint and headed to the bathroom to have a shower, blissfully unaware of what just happened.

***

Maxwell’s phone vibrated, making the man jump slightly.

“Everything allright, Cracks?”, Kevin asked, before looking at him quizzically.

The other man nodded.

“It’s just my phone, Kathelyn must have gotten home or something”, he replied, before taking his phone out of his pocket.

The message he got was definitely not from Kathelyn.

Aquaria, 00:23 am: I am currently sitting on the staircase outside and all I can think about is how many friendships I’ve fucked up. It’s making me slowly insane and paranoid and so unsure of myself it is almost disgusting. I don’t recognise this part of me and it scares me, I don’t know how to react to Maxwell’s messages or to Jordan’s rage and it is making me go crazy.

Needless to say, the man barely managed to whisper a confused: “What…?”, before signalling to his best friend to join him on the balcony.

Once the door behind them was closed, much to Yuhua and Dustin’s disappointment, the younger man was presented with the other one’s phone.

“What is happening, Max?”, he then asked.

“Read it”, Maxwell said, sighing.

Kevin read everything twice, before looking at his friend with concern in his eyes.

“I reckon it wasn’t for me either”, he then commented, trying to lighten up the mood and failing miserably at it.

Max sat on the floor, before closing his eyes and murmuring: “What should I do?”.

The other one shrugged, before joining him on the floor and giving him his phone back.

“Well, now at least you know he’s not mad or something…”, he murmured, trying to sound comforting, “I’ll see him tomorrow and maybe I can try…”.

“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea”, the other one interrupted him, “I don’t want him to feel trapped or some shit”.

Kevin nodded.

“Yeah, it makes sense”, he mumbled, before getting up: “Let’s go and see what the others are doing. I will keep you posted tomorrow, okay?”.

Maxwell nodded, then he got up as well and squeezed his friend’s hand.

“Thank you”.

[bytheangell]

Support System: Chapter 1

(moodboard courtesy of @kindaresilient <3) 

 When Alec’s favorite show gets cancelled and he takes to messaging customer service repeatedly to show his support, he doesn’t expect to connect so easily with the support representative he keeps getting paired off with. 

(Read on AO3!)  

Alec can’t believe that his favorite show is cancelled. Gone, just like that, with one decision from someone who decided the cost of production wasn’t worth the impact it had on the fans, nevermind the fact that it is easily the most popular show on the network. It’s bullshit, and as much as he tries to be mad over the whole thing he can’t seem to get past sad first. It hurts. It hurts because he saw himself in so much of that show; in the stories being told, the characters telling them, the words they said and the way they laughed and loved and hoped…. it feels like the death of a friend more than the end of a television show.

He goes to bed upset, and sleep comes uneasily that night, uneven and restless. His mind won’t stop, the sadness refuses to lift. And it isn’t until he turns on the computer early the next morning, the scent of freshly brewing coffee floating to mix with the aroma of french toast from the plate beside him, that he sees it: there’s a movement. Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook… it’s everywhere, on every platform, aimed at every company. It’s amazing.

Alec reads for a while, sifting back through the hours of attention the fans generated as he slept, before deciding to do his part as well. His french toast sits forgotten, coffee cold. A tweet here and a tag there turns into sitting in front of his computer for two hours that feel more like 2 minutes, ending with a suggested message to the Customer Support Chat to make sure they are aware that this fandom, his fandom, was nothing to ignore.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello! What may I assist you with today?

Alec: Hi! I was just writing to say that it sucks you guys cancelled The Hunt, and if there is absolutely any chance of reconsidering, well, that would be great! Alec: I really like that show. No, I love it. It menas so much to me and honestly, not to be dramatic, but I’m a little heartbroken that it’s going to be over so soon. Magnus: I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t have any information on it being picked back up, but I’ll definitely pass along the sentiment. Alec: Thanks! Magnus: Anything else I can help you with? Alec: Uh, no, I guess that’s it. Thanks again. This chat has ended.

Alec’s surprised to find his heart beating faster than usual - why do conversations with strangers have to be so anxiety-inducing? -  but he did it. And he feels better knowing he tried, if nothing else.

As the day continues the stories do, too. People talking about how much the characters mean to them, how they helped them through tough times, or in learning to accept themselves, or about how much inspiration they found there for works of fanart and writing. The hashtags and e-mails and chats continue. Shared screencaps online show people holding entire conversations in them, sharing personal stories, getting real reactions from the people on the other end. Once isn’t enough, Alec decides. Another message couldn't hurt. It's midnight now, but there's a 4 minute wait this time, and Alec smiles knowing what the other people in line before him are there for, too.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello, is this about The Hunt? Alec: ...you’re getting a lot of this aren’t you? Magnus: You don’t even know the half of it. Alec: Sorry.   Magnus: No, don’t be sorry! I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. It’s the job, after all. Please, let me know what’s on your mind about it! Alec: Probably a lot of the same. This show just means so much to so many of my friends and me. Magnus: So I’ve heard! If the representation is half as good as everyone keeps telling me today, I’m actually a little upset I didn’t watch it myself. Alec: It’s probably twice as good as people are letting on. Honestly. Magnus: Well, if they don’t put us on overtime for all of this, maybe I’ll watch some later. Alec: Hah. Thanks for listening again. Good luck. Magnus: I’ll need it. This chat has ended.

He takes a bit of a break to clean up the apartment and eat a little food before contacting support one last time before bed, though Ragnor F. is a lot less amiable to talk to than the first guy was. He doesn’t think about it again until the next morning when he opened up the chat again at 6:30 am to find a 6 minute wait this time.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: I can’t wait to talk with you about The Hunt. Sorry if that isn’t what you’re here for, I’m playing the odds today. Alec: ...I think we spoke yesterday. Magnus: It’s entirely possible, Alec. But with this sort of volume you’ll have to forgive me for not remembering specific interactions. Alec: Oh, yeah, of course not. Alec: Well, you’re right. That is why I’m here. Magnus: You know, the lot of you were so convincing yesterday a bunch of us went back to my place after our shift and watched a few episodes? Alec: What did you think? Magnus: I wasn’t so sure at first, but it was just starting to pick up a bit when we had to call it a night. I almost didn’t want to stop watching, but I knew I’d need my energy to keep up with all the messages today. Just try not to spoil too much for me, I’m only three and a half episodes in but I’m going to watch more later. Alec: Oh my god that’s amazing. I’m glad you like it!   Magnus: I’m not sure I want to get too invested in something I know is cancelled, though. Alec: I mean, hopefully it isn’t! Any word on that yet? Magnus: Sorry, nothing official from the higher ups. Just that they see your interest and note your concerns. Touching, right? Alec: Totally. Well, thanks anyway. This chat has ended.

He has work, a welcome distraction, and then another polite but short conversation with a Catarina L. with the same lack of any new updates during his lunch break at work, but falls asleep early back home. When he jolts awake at 3 am and can’t fall back asleep he decides to give Support another chat, since it couldn’t hurt, and it isn’t like he’s doing anything else at 3 am anyway.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: How long is the wait to talk right now? Alec: Only 5 minutes. Also you again? Are you the only person that works here? Magnus: The graveyard shift is a lot less staffed than the others, but you guys are certainly  keeping us on our toes. I haven’t actively spoken to this many people between 1 and 6 am since I started here… Maybe even the entirety of all my shifts combined. Alec: Well, at least you’re more fun to talk to than some of the others. Magnus: Oh dear, have you been sent to Ragnor’s chat? Honestly, I keep telling him he needs to find a new job but the higher-ups appreciate his ‘efficiency’. Alec: I want you to know I literally laughed out loud just now. Magnus: I’m honored.   Alec: Did you get to watch any more episodes? Magnus: YES. I’m halfway through the first season now and if I wasn’t sold before I certainly am now. I figured it had to get better, and it IS. Come back tomorrow night and I’ll likely be through the whole season at this rate. Alec: Well, if I’m going to do this all day to get the show picked back up I can at least make sure to recruit a new Hunter out of it. Magnus: Hunter? Alec: Fandom term, for someone who likes the show. Magnus: Makes sense. I like it. Alec: Guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then. Magnus: It’s a date. This chat has ended.

It’s a date? Alec brushes off the words, though there’s a small smile playing on his lips at the idea of Magnus, whoever he was, wherever he was, waiting for his name to pop back up in that chat box the next night. Don’t be silly, he chastises himself. He didn’t mean anything by it. He has to be nice to everyone, it’s his job. Of course it is.  Though something about it feels… more than that, somehow? Which is ridiculous, though it doesn’t stop him from blushing at the realization that he’s actually looking forward to tomorrow night.

[septic-heart-and-mind]

Why I Have To Meet Jack

You guys may well think I’m silly for writing this post, but I’m going to anyway. I have thoughts and I need to get them out. I’m a firm believer in writing down your emotions rather than bottling them up. 

Anyway. If you’re tired of my complaining about not meeting Jack, then I won’t blame you for scrolling away from this right away. Feel free, or you can carry on reading. But not only am I saying the obstacles that are in my way, I’m also writing exactly why meeting Jack matters so much to me. I’ve broken it down so hopefully it’s easier for you guys to read.

I know I’ve posted about this a billion times before, but I feel the need to do it again. I kind of stop thinking about it, and then something reminds me again. I see gifs from PAX, I read about people meeting him. I’m happy for everyone who does, but I’m reminded that it hasn’t happened to me and maybe never will. I feel selfish for thinking this, but I can’t help it.

Just wait, it will happen, I hear you say. But that’s easier said than done, for a number of reasons. If it was just as simple as being too young to go on my own or whatever, then yes, it would only be a matter of time. But it’s not.

First of all, I can’t afford to go to conventions (particularly so if they are in another country, and I’m yet to find one in the UK that Jack goes to). I currently don’t earn, and even when I do it won’t be much - musicians often don’t earn much at first, and I’m not making anything from YouTube “yet” (I hope I will but it may never take off for all I know. I can’t rely on it).

Then there’s my current mental state. Going to a convention would be difficult thanks to my wonderful social anxiety. Just the thought of the crowds, the people around me while travelling... And I imagine that travelling, and the convention itself, would take a lot of energy - possibly too much for my depression to handle. Maybe I could push through it to meet Jack, but I don’t know; would it be worth risking putting myself under too much pressure?

And that’s not all. Oh yes, there’s more. Getting to another country is difficult for me for another reason. I can’t do it by myself. Yes, I’m 21 years old and I don’t know how to go through an airport by myself. I feel stupid. Not just because I’ve never learnt how, but also I struggle with things like that. I always have. I’m particularly brilliant at getting lost. My anxiety loves it, not.

And there’s more. Since I’ve started watching Jack, I’ve been at university/college so I haven’t had the time to go away to conventions. Once I leave here in a couple of months time (*panics*), I will be focusing a lot on YouTube, and probably having to find a job (yawn). And until I find one and have money, I can’t go even if I have the time.

This may well sound like I’m making excuses, but honestly... I’m really not. I wouldn’t. This is something I need to do in my lifetime, it’s a dream of mine. Jack is my hero. I have no reason to make any excuses. These are all genuine barriers to one of my life goals. Obstacles that feel insurmountable. And it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to think that I may never meet the person who began to turn my life around. It breaks my heart to think that I may never get to thank him in person for what he’s done. It breaks my heart to think that I may never be able to hug him. He feels like a long distance friend - or even family, if I can say that. Jack means the world to me. More than he’ll ever know - but if I meet him, I can get closer to expressing it than I can from here.

I have thoughts about what I would do if I did meet Jack. I already know that I will make a folder or something of stuff I’ve made for him (fanart, poems, etc) and I’ll give it to him. And, of course, I’ll give him the biggest hugs he’s ever had. I’ll do my best to let him know what he means to me. I’ll tell him about how he’s inspired me and that my YouTube channel is beginning to grow thanks to him giving me the courage to make more videos. I was anxious to go on camera, but he made me brave, and now I love it immensely and want to do it for as long as possible.

Jack is not just a YouTuber to me. He’s been a counsellor when I’ve needed advice and someone to care. Jack has been a friend when I’ve felt alone, believing in me even when I didn’t anymore. He’s been a beautiful green light in the pitch black void of depression and anxiety, the hope I needed when mine was all gone. 

He’s been like an annoying older brother who makes stupid jokes to make you laugh - which means even more to me as one of my older brothers, who made me laugh a lot, is no longer with us. He’s been someone to watch playing games now that I can’t watch my brother play them anymore.

He’s been a lullaby when I couldn’t sleep, cradling me with kindness and wrapping me up in smiles and laughter. He’s been a soothing voice amongst the painful noise of life. He’s held my hand when I’ve been hurting, wiping away the tears from my eyes. He’s started to heal the cracks in my heart and mind. When I was starting to lose sight of anything good in life, having less and less reasons to smile, he showed me that things weren’t so bad after all. He taught me to genuinely smile again.

And Jack is the reason why I found this wonderful community, and have made amazing friends who have made me feel cared about. You guys have made me feel less lonely despite the isolation of social anxiety and depression. Without Jack, I probably wouldn’t know any of you exist.

Jack is my hero.

I need to meet him some day.

I have to.

[combust-catalyst]

Mun Rambles Series #1

This is only my thoughts and feeling while reading up to the current chapter of the series. For the record, this will contain spoilers up to the current chapter I have read. Thus if people have only followed the anime, which is up to season 4, it won’t be mentioned here as I have read past that Arc even before it was announced to have a 4th season. In addition, this will be under read more because in my opinion, it might be much of a long talk, but a ramble of stuff while I was reading to catch up with what is going on within the manga.

So, to start of as to where I had left the manga before picking it back up to continue understand what was going on, I should talk about where the idea of going reading it started. Well, I’ll be blunt, there was just a lot of stuff from something about Shigaraki being torn from black shredding of his normal black attire to Bakugou’s yelling at the Todoroki family ( including the whole Bakugou fanart of him being completely exhausted and having his mask on his forehead and hair pulled back) including the who is the most daring to get Bakugou to dress up as Santa to even Miruko covered in blood. Yes, these were all spoilers I had encountered, but don’t worry. I wasn’t upset about seeing them. I actually found them interesting as it was telling heavy tension was growing more and more in the manga--with a little tidbits of funny and calming moments. So basically, a lot of spoilers had me wanting to read what I had been missing after my life time problems.

But the most I had seen was around “Toya” or the “Dabi is Toya Theory” which I’m not sure if it has been solved or resolved. I had found out that the Ice user Dabi went against wasn’t Natsuo, so I can calmly wack myself in the head to say I was personally wrong on that. However, was maybe a chapter before the current chapter of Dabi’s face I saw all over tumblr that had me a bit interested, but didn’t make me do much until his face in the current chapter made me go read. Let’s just say if Bakugou’s hero name is a mystery until later revealed---then Dabi might as well be the king of secrets because he seems to do it well every chapter.

Now, I had stopped were maybe it was getting to a conclusion of the Liberation Arc or Villain Arc is the better term, I’m not sure. But it was Rikiya vs Shigaraki. Also, I go through stress almost every day, so for his quirk to be stress and building more powerful off his stress, well, I don’t know. I feel it might reflect a lot people who go through daily or just stress in general. Nevertheless, we see a “evolved” quirk of Shigaraki’s expand to just touching people--to even decay and entire city which Rikiya responds about it being beautiful--the view he is seeing after what Shigaraki did. I’m not sure but almost everyone expand crazy with how much a quirk can “evolve” or “grow” in this case. And I don’t know what to feel--or I’ve grown to find it hard to understand how I feel on anything nowadays. However, I really do love with Toga and Twice--including Shigaraki. It’s hard to explain as I had already read past them to where I left off, but it is interesting how quirks drawback or ways they operate can have a long lasting effect on people. Hell, even how it impacts society and the your own school to community. It reminds me how I have Niwaki and Myonori are not in favor of their own quirks as they went through rather bad experiences when their quirks activated--and Niwaki’s growing up. Maybe I’m just being weird with this ramble, but it felt more real---I mean. Ugh! I don’t know. I mean hell conversion quirk therapy, if I believe it was called kind of hits home for some and what not. And Twice almost losing himself until Toga came to his rescue to so sweet of friendship because of what they both have gone through---especially when he returned the favor to her. And Shigaraki is more hard to talk about like he’s grow more with heavy determination and resolve--and heavier cunning if that is already obvious.

And now the Endeavor Arc! That’s what it’s called right? Or was it mainly called the Redemption Endeavor Arc because I recalled a lot of people not wanting him to have a redemption and just him deserving to die? Or was it related to the fact that past actions do not and will not change anything and that he deserve nothing, but loneliness and no forgiveness. Well, I don’t hate this arc.Rather I didn’t feel anything. Endeavor has done terrible things that can never be changed as so many lives have been impacted due to his actions, so I can maybe understand that forgiveness is absolutely impossible for this guy. Yet, some scenes did have me look at him differently. For one thing, he did give himself high hopes to be in Shoto’s good heart again, but later on realized that is something impossible--and will never happen. We also get to see the other two trying to improve as well and in Bakugou’s case, figure out where he is lacking--which hell of good growth in my heart to acknowledge your good, but more so that you aren’t because you still lacking something--showing even the most talented still struggle with things they know or still do not know. Back to Endeavor Arc though, I cried--or was close to crying. It’s personal, but the decision he made was rather a big decision based on a dream he kept having. Now, I thought he was going to die to redeem himself, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, he resolved it by self isolation--and boy did that hit hard on me. Because of my own past experience with my friends, I felt that the decision they made that me leaving was best for everyone---while in my heart I knew it was the ONLY decision, so I didn’t make a fuss of it and let it go--and hope they would be happy even more without me. Added to the fact that he said something along the lines of “it’s fine if you don’t forgive me”, hit me harder than before and I wanted to cry right there. Maybe my own experience came up during this arc, but at the same time I felt like I was experiencing stuff I didn’t want to relive again. And added to the tension, during the dinner was almost again a repeat of my life right now with my family member--or members. So I don’t hate this arc at all., but there was so much in  it that just felt like it either hit home for me or made me realize I was feeling something that I don’t know or not understand anymore. At least on a side note, Bakugou and headcanons on him and food are beautiful. In addition, he does speak his mind, but it’s the truthful mind that some people are just too scared to say. 

Geez, this long! I didn’t want it to be this long! AAAAAHHHHH!

And now where I am caught up on the current chapter which is great! Currently as it is called the Paranormal Liberation War Arc, and boy there is quite of stuff. I will want to acknowledge another scene that hit me hard---and that was the scene between Twice and Hawk. Yes, I understand what Hawk was doing, but to be told that by someone as sweet and caring as Twice was such a hurtful moment for me. Because ever since my separation with my friends, I’ve always debated with myself if I am a “good person” or if I am “nice and caring”. Even when my coworkers tell me this with such a good heart and smiles on their face, my mind can’t help going back to my friends final goodbyes and their last words. Thus, I always deny it saying, “I’m not nice. I’m not good. I’m a terrible person.” In my own eyes, I’m just “people pleasing” others and “make people laugh” to write away my own emotional and/or mental instability. I put on a face of humor and being silly while other times being cold to those I feel have bad or negative tension. Even avoiding conflict was something I noticed I would always do--or at least not notice until later in life thanks to my friends. Even doing anything people asked if made said person happy, but not me. That scene hit me and once again: I felt like I almost cried. Maybe it home on me again which I wish most mangas I read did not do that, but it happens. In addition, to Hawks expression was so sad to me. I mean I understand what he is doing, but considering all that happened and what Hawk attempted to do for Twice--I lost words on what even to say after that. Off another note, Denki’s display of using his quirk was amazing! In addition to that bolstering confidence thanks to Midnight’s advice made me smile so hard! It feels he’s grown so much from it it made me so happy to see! I haven’t forgotten everyone else improves so much and so fast too! Hell even Tokoyami has developed pretty damn strong. But I do want to point out to favorite Pro Hero which is Miruko. I just really love her a lot---I am worried and fearful for her though. She has strong drive and personality and isn’t afraid of risk or danger to herself. In addition, I may not have seen many dark-skin characters in BNHA, but Miruko feels like a strong representation TO ME--at least because maybe she just has things that I lack and stronger personality than I do. 

In general, I’ve missed quite a bit, but have finally caught up to the series! And things are transition so quickly that I fear the War will have quite if not a lot of tragedies--although we have only hit one MAJOR tragedy that I don’t want name because he was one of my favorite characters on the other side. Currently, I’m just hoping everyone will be okay, but at the same time--it is WAR, so that is hard to hope for. I just fear some people will be losing so much and secret are going to have that people have “it’s happening meme” or that “No, no, NOOOO” meme again.

But this is all my random rambling. I might make it a thing to talk about out loud on this blog because it feels nice to do--instead of bottling up with all that is happening within the series. 

Again, I apologize it is long or makes no sense. I needed release some of my own perspective. I still have the anime of season 4 to watch, but from what I’ve seen of gifs or heard about it: It was rather good.

Thank you to everyone---and maybe myself, I think.

[thecrookedgavel]

The Black Box Readings - Ep 1 Transcript

Here’s the transcript for episode 1 of The Black Box Readings, the podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down. 

See Other Episodes

An: Hey, all! And welcome to The Black Box Readings, the new podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down! I’m your host, An Capuano. So basically, it’s a show where I narrate through a deleted or deactivated blog over the course of a season, with a focus on queer artists. Though to be honest, there was a specific blog that inspired me to make this podcast, and unless this format is super popular, I may just do the one season. Anyway, although reading things in a dramatic fashion is definitely in my wheelhouse, non-fiction podcasts are not. So please bear with me while I go through some growing pains as I try and figure this thing out. 

Alright, so this season, we have the story of a digital artist who caught my attention with a really cool piece of Overwatch fanart. It’s about her journey through a life spent mostly online, disability, and navigating through the difficulties of realizing that you’re trans.

For those of you not in the know, I am a disabled trans woman myself, so it’s not a journey I’m altogether unfamiliar with. The biggest reason I’m doing this podcast is because stories like ours get drowned out in the media. I wanted to be able to tell her story so that queer people, young and old, can hear something that resonates with them. And I have a good feeling that this will do that for you.

The Tumblr in question, I won’t say the address. Just know that the title of the blog was: “Less Than Human”. Yeah, I know. Not a very cheery introduction. I sort of choose to think of it, kind of like reclaiming a slur. If she calls herself less than human, other people lose the power to hurt her with it. I’m telling you the blog title because it is important later.

Anyways, enough out of me, here’s the first post of the episode, which happens to be the first post of the blog itself. It’s titled:

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is -”

Ok, so I guess I didn’t think this through. In the post, she uses her deadname, and I don’t feel comfortable reading it out to you all. If I have to choose between deadnaming a trans girl and being a little inaccurate, I’m choosing inaccuracy. I should say, actually, that I don’t consider myself a journalist or anything like that. Also, I get it would be bad of me to use her real name too. So we’ll just call her… Hmmm…. Ok, let’s go with Emmy.

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is Emmy, and I’m 19 years old! Nice to meet you guys! I’ve decided to start posting on my tumblr instead of using it as a dash, lol! I’m a visual artist, though I mostly stick to digital art these days. I spend most of my time reading. My fandoms are Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Supernatural, Sonic the Hedgehog, Marvel, and of course, Shrek! Lmao. I think Cat Girls are cute, but I’m not a weeb”

*Laugh* I never read this post while she was active. Her sense of humor is really present in this post, she was always silly like this. Anyways, she follows up this post by posting a backlog of art that I figure she must have made and not shown to anyone. It’s all really good stuff. Some fandom, some original. It’s clear to me that she’s not posting her earlier, rougher work. I don’t remember too many details though, as this was a while ago, and I didn’t think to save her artwork when I was copying all her text posts into the google doc. I hope someone out there saved them before they were deleted, though.

I’m not going to bore you by reading every single one of her posts, or anything like that. Just the ones that stand out to me. Here’s one about Supernatural and how she might be falling out of love with it. 

“I don’t know guys, I’m finding it hard to watch supernatural these days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still one of my favorite shows, it’s just totally not as good as the first 5 seasons. That and I WANT DEAN AND CASS TO BE TOGETHER! Is that so wrong? Look, Cass is an immortal being that just HAPPENED to take a male form. If he had a female form, you can bet that he and Dean would have banged already. I’ve read the tumblr posts too, the ones that talk about all the hints the writers give that Dean is gay. This is ABSOLUTELY queerbaiting, and even as a straight guy, I can see that. I have a lot of gay mutuals who have convinced me how ultimately cute Dean and Cass are, and I feel bad for them, because they’re not being treated fair. You think in its 12 seasons there would be something, but no, nothing. Pisses me off”

Here is where we start seeing a connection between Emmy and queer culture. Although she’s currently IDing as straight and male, you can tell she cares about queer representation. Now, I’m not saying that wanting good queer content makes you queer, of course not. Just that knowing that Emmy is queer, when you look back at her earlier posts, there’s some evidence there. She even talks about Castiel, a male character, having a female form, which I find interesting for obvious reasons.

Next up is a post about something outside of her fandoms, a show called Monk. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a show focused on a detective with OCD who uses his disability to solve crimes no one else can. As someone with OCD myself, I really enjoyed the show, but it’s not without its problems. Hmm, yeah, I’ll get to those after reading the post, I think

“I’ve been watching a new show lately! Well, a show that’s new to me at least. It’s called Monk! I’m 3 seasons in, and I laugh every episode. But it’s not without its serious moments too. It’s about Adrian Monk, a detective with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and it’s like a super power to him. He can do things no one else can. But he also can’t do things that everyone else takes for granted. Mood. He always says “It’s a gift… And a curse” when talking about it. Big mood. Anyway, I highly recommend it, because it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill! I’m so used to people who are “crazy” being mass murderers or some shit. Idk, it’s heartwarming.”

I noticed one of the hashtags of her post was, “Finally found a version with captions.” This is important for later and I’ll get to it by the end of the episode. Where the previous post was the first we saw of her queerness, this is the first we’ll see about her connection with mental illness. It’s unclear if she feels her inabilities are balanced off by her abilities, or if her “mood” was just about her being unable to do what others can. Since her “big mood” is regarding Adrian Monk’s favourite quote “It’s a gift and a curse”, I like to think she was being positive and was including her abilities in the “mood.”

While I do agree with Emmy that it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill, and that’s certainly better than having yet another bad guy is who’s only evil because he’s crazy, I’m worried that it’s too positive. It’s actually a really common trope where neurodivergent people in media are seen as “super human,” like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory, or uhh, the main character from The Good Doctor, I forget his name. It makes it look like everyone with autism or OCD are geniuses, and that sort of skews how neurotypicals view people like us in a negative way. Like, I do view my OCD as a gift, I wouldn’t be able to write the way I do, or play video games the same way if I didn’t have it. But I’m not a superhuman by any means. But I’m expected to, in some sense, outperform everyone because of my OCD, because of this impossible standard set by the media. *Sigh* I’m sorry, I’m getting really off topic. I hope you don’t mind this little rant.

Back to Emmy, I find it a little upsetting that she feels herself cursed in some way. Knowing what I know about her, I like to think she was more gifted than cursed, but given the title of her blog, I doubt she would agree with me. We can glean from this post that she is disabled in some way or another. Maybe she herself has OCD? Or maybe she just relates her own, different disability to OCD? It’s hard to tell at this point, and I don’t want to spoil it, especially since it will come up again in a few posts. 

Next up, we have a post about not just queer characters, but lesbian characters. I’m sure you have heard of Overwatch by now, even if you haven’t played it. Well, the creative devs promised us that a handful of the cast was queer, and at least to me, it seemed like an empty promise. Hmm, I guess it seems a little bit like the queerbaiting conversation we had earlier. Interesting. You know what I mean, right? Like, why take the risk of pissing off the straight, cis part of your fanbase with queer characters when you can just say some characters are queer and attract a bigger queer fanbase that way? But then they did something that blew me out of the water. They made a comic where Tracer has a girlfriend. This next post from Emmy is about this reveal.

“Merry Christmas! And what a Christmas it’s been. Because I got something I’ve been asking for for a LONG time. Blizzard made Tracer gay! I’m not the only one who’s been asking for this, a huge chunk of the fandom has been saying that Tracer is only into other girls. It’s been my headcanon for so long, and now it doesn’t have to be, because it’s canon! Tracer and Emily are so cute together! And their kiss is so hot too! Yeah, lesbians are really hot in general. They’re every guy’s ultimate fantasy. Thanks, Jeff!”

An: Ok, so before we continue, I think I need to apologize on Emmy’s behalf for the way she talks about lesbians. As a trans lesbian, I had a period where I talked about lesbains that way too. Before I came to terms with that identity, I mean. Since you believe you’re a straight guy, there’s no real explanation for why you’re so into lesbians other than them being a male fantasy. But it’s more than that. It’s part of like, seeing yourself as a girl that the idea of being with a girl that likes girls... that is so fundamentally appealing. 

Like, ok. *sigh* I remember this one time very clearly… I was with my girlfriend at the time and a friend of mine at a bubble tea shop. This was probably 9 or 10 years ago now? Jeez. Anyways, this couple of girls starts making out at the table next to us, and I had a full on sexual awakening. I remember that I couldn’t look away. Mostly because my ex wouldn’t let me forget it. I got teased by my friend and berated by my ex. Because I couldn’t explain what happened to her, let alone to myself, I eventually came up with a rather math-y explanation involving vectors of attraction *laugh*. Something like, if women are attractive to me, and men are not attractive to me, then adding their vectors together gives less attraction than two women’s vectors being added together. It was pretty stupid. I don’t talk to either of those two people anymore, by the way. 

Anyways, my point is that since this is before she’s realized she’s a lesbian herself, she’s under the false impression that she needs to sexualize lesbians in order to explain why she’s so attracted to the concept. So please don’t hold that against her. 

---

With that out of the way, we can move on to her next post. It’s a piece of art she made, and it’s pretty special to me. You see, this was the way I found her blog. One of the blogs I follow, who knows which at this point, must have reblogged it and it came across my dashboard. Again, I don’t have a copy of any of Emmy’s art, but I remember it pretty well. It’s a picture of Emily wearing Tracer’s outfit... Shit… Why did I give Emmy a name so close to Emily? Emily as in Tracer’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s because of my association with her and this drawing? Either way, it’s too late now, I’m not re-recording this whole episode. *Sigh* We’ll just stick with the blogger being named Emmy. Anyways! She’s sort of looking a bit out of place, like she doesn’t know how to feel about having a Chrono-accelerator attached to her chest. There’s a speech bubble in the frame pointing off screen that says, “You look marvellous, love!”, or something to that effect, but it’s obviously supposed to be Tracer saying it. It was a really cute drawing, and I was really fond of it, so I liked and followed. Feels like so long ago. 

Anyways, she did reblog the picture afterwards, saying:

“Thank you so much for all the notes! I really appreciate the support. Who knew that something so dumb would be liked by so many people? I really like Emily, and I hope she’s added as a Hero in Overwatch soon! I feel so happy! I’m going to go and do some more drawing, so keep an eye out for more posts!”

Not much going on in this post, but I decided to read it anyway because it contrasts so heavily with the next post. Not the next time she posted, but the next post I’m going to read. Actually, it’s the last post of this episode. 

So, I’m going to warn you, this is a side of Emmy we haven’t seen yet. The really negative side. *Sigh* I don’t know what set her off, maybe nothing did, but I think this post is very important to read to you, as it clears the air about her disabilities.

“I really appreciate all the love you’ve given my art, but I feel like I don’t deserve any of it. I’m so broken and worthless and I’ve only been pretending to be normal so that you’ll all like me. The truth is, I’m physically and mentally disabled, and life is just a never ending struggle. 

First off, I’m deaf. Very deaf. The quietest thing I can hear in either ear is a chainsaw. It means I can’t understand speech or anything I’d need to be social. I don’t know sign language at all, I was never taught. So I just… stay inside all day. I’ve been homeschooled by my Dad since I was young. He thinks something bad will happen to me if I go outside, because I couldn’t hear something like a car coming towards me. So I live my life online, for the most part. I feel so isolated, and like I can’t relate to anyone normal. 

Also, I have Bi-Polar Disorder. For those you don’t know of it, it basically means I have high highs and low lows. I’ve done a good job so far at hiding my lows from everyone and only showing my highs. Until now, I guess… I just feel so low today, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I just had to be real. Even if it’s an ugly side of me that I hate. My dad hates how moody I am too. He just doesn’t get that it’s not my fault. Even my highs are hard for him to handle sometimes. Anyway, please forgive me for lying so long”

So, I sense a bit of imposter syndrome here. She’s gotten some success and because she views herself as not even a normal person, she thinks she doesn’t deserve it. It’s a pretty common feeling amongst content creators and something you have to move past if you want to make stuff. It’s like, *sigh* like me, I’m not an expert voice actor, why are people listening to me? I have tricked them into thinking I’m worth listening to. If you’re feeling that way about a recent success, just know that it’s all bullshit and it’s normal to feel that way. I wish I had that knowledge at the time I originally read that post… Because then, I would have messaged her and let her know. But yeah, we have more to unpack here.

She talks about being deaf, and the level that she describes is a profound hearing loss, which is as bad as it gets. I have that level of hearing loss in my left ear, and it’s really hard to deal with. So, I kind of can’t imagine what it would be like to have it in both ears. 

Like, for me, I remember this one time where I was at my locker in high school, and someone must have been asking me a question a few times on my bad side. She wanted to know if I had any extra bus tickets, and by the time I finally caught on that she was talking to me, she said something like “Urg, I just want to punch you.” And it wasn’t a joke either, she was very frustrated with the way my hearing loss had affected her. It made me feel small, and like I was an inconvenience to those around me. Guess it didn’t help how I felt that I had a crush on her at the time… Ha… *Sigh* It was very isolating to grow up like that. I didn’t really belong there, but I didn’t exactly belong in the deaf community either, since I could hear fine out of one ear. So when Emmy describes how isolating it is to be deaf and not know sign language, I get it. I really feel that. When I saw this post, it really made me feel for her. This is probably the point in time where I made a mental note to support her art whenever I could. 

Lastly she talks about her mental illness, being bi-polar. I know a lot less about bi-polar disorder than I do hearing loss. Though I was in a production that never wrapped up about a bi-polar teen. Actually, I was the strict dad who couldn’t understand his child’s illness, which is a similar theme seen in Emmy’s post. I’ve actually been cast as a dad 3 or 4 times now? Yeah. *Laughs* Anyways, what I understand about it is that it can be seasonal. You might be manic for a season, and depressive for another. But yeah, it doesn’t always work that way. Usually medication can help balance you out, but in Emmy’s case, she wasn’t taking any meds at this point. I’ll say it here for clarity’s sake, but her having bi-polar disorder was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. That’ll be covered in the next episode, though. 

So now the whole “Less than Human” thing makes a bit more sense, doesn’t it? Not because it’s true in any sense, but because it was true to her. Disability is something that people tend to see as different, or othering. There’s a lot of stigma there. We can sort of tell at this point that the way her Dad views her and treats her doesn’t help her feel any better about this either. 

That’s why she likes the depiction of mental illness in Monk so much, right? Because it’s a bit of a “More than Human” approach. It gives her some hope that maybe she can be seen positively one day too. As far as movies with Deaf characters goes there’s like 100, if I recall correctly. Which is honestly pitiful compared to the amount of movies, period. So it’s more than likely that she never got to see herself in media in that perspective before. 

Also, there’s the markings of a budding trans girl in there too, which may further intensify the feeling of not being human. For years and years *sigh*, there was practically zero positive representation of trans people in media. We’re taught that feeling like this makes us freaks, and that presenting differently than we’re supposed to makes us... something worse than that. It all comes together to form something bitter and isolating. Especially before you start owning those parts of you and finding a community of your own.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Box Readings! I really ranted more than I thought I would. Hopefully you all liked the anecdotal stuff I added in, didn’t really plan on doing that. Follow me on Twitter at TheCrookedGavel to stay up to date on this and other queer podcasts. Feel free to contact me there as well. This is An Capuano, signing off!