#I’ve decided that makkachin lives forever

[henreyettah]

32, 36, and 20

[paxohana]

Make a Wish

It’s a day late, but better late than never.  I was going to post this on Ao3, but it turned out much shorter than I originally planned.  Anyway, I hope you enjoy this Married Life universe version of Yuuri’s birthday

Yuuri woke and stretched, excited for what the day held.  He had been looking forward to today all week for it was his birthday.  He was sure Viktor had plans that would make Yuuri feel like the most special man in the world.

But Viktor was nowhere to be found.

No sounds came from the bathroom and he didn’t hear his melodic voice anywhere else in the house.  Rising from the bed, Yuuri donned pajama pants and ventured into the living room. No Viktor.  Heading for the kitchen, he was dismayed he couldn’t find his husband but saw Yuri braiding streusel.

“Good morning, Yuri,” he said, sitting on a bench across from him.

“Oh, hey,” Yuri replied, “Want some when it gets done?”

“What kind is it?” Yuuri asked.

“Cranberry walnut.”

“Yes, please,” he replied.

“Coffee?” Yuri asked.

Once Yuuri nodded, he watched Yuri pour a mug of coffee for him.  He was waiting for him to wish him a happy birthday, but he hadn’t yet.  He sipped the warm liquid while discussing Yuri’s classes and the appointments Yuuri had for the day, but no comments about his birthday fell from Yuri’s lips.  

“Alright, the streusel has ten more minutes, but I gotta jet to class,” Yuri said suddenly, “Can you pull it out when the timer goes off?”

“Yeah, sure,” Yuuri said, feeling his happiness deflate.

“See ya, Katsudon!” he exclaimed, heading through the living room and leaving seconds later.

Yuuri’s shoulders drooped in sadness and he picked up his phone.  Searching for his mother’s number, he pressed her name and held the device to his ear.  He counted the rings and was forlorn when it kicked over to her voicemail.  

It seemed as if everyone had forgotten his birthday that year.

He jumped into the shower briefly and got dressed once he was dry.  Going through the remainder of his routine, Yuuri only stopped when Makkachin barked and jumped on him.

“What’s that, boy?” Yuuri asked, scratching behind Makkachin’s ears, “Happy birthday?  Well, thank you so much!”

He walked throughout the house, collecting his belongings he would need for the day.  Makkachin followed him, yipping cheerfully before Yuuri had to leave.  He liked to pretend he understood him and would make comments when the dog paused for breath.  Turning around at the door to pet Makkachin one final time before he left, Yuuri hugged him lightly.

“At least someone remembered my birthday,” he muttered before heading out for the day.

                                                           ***

The rest of his morning was pleasant enough. Jessica gave him an arrangement of stargazers and pink roses, his favorites.  He thanked her profusely but she had none of it, telling him he deserved the best of what life had to offer.  When he lamented that Viktor had forgotten his birthday, she patted his back and told him the day was still young.

The owner of the gaming shop gave him the game he preordered along with his money back for it.  He also gifted him with a few other games Yuuri had his eye on. Yuuri was speechless when the man handed him a gift bag and he rifled through the contents.  Smiling at him, Yuuri thanked him repeatedly before he went to work.  

The lady at the dry cleaner insisted on taking him out for a birthday lunch.  She let him choose where he wanted to go, and he picked a family-owned Italian restaurant. They chatted about the woman’s twins and how quickly they were growing.  Yuuri informed her about how painfully slow the adoption process was taking.  She gave him an understanding look since she had adopted her children as well.  She offered to be a sounding board for Yuuri, having gone through the process twice herself.

After thanking her for lunch and a hug, Yuuri departed and headed for the bank he had a contract with.  He finally decided to let the contract lapse after the first of the year since they proved to be a source of considerable stress for him. Viktor was proud of him for letting them go.  The thought of Viktor made him wilt, thinking yet again how Viktor had forgotten his special day.

He trudged through the rest of his day, close to tears by the end of the afternoon.  The bank had been particularly grueling and none of his friends or family had called or texted him. He felt so insignificant and it hurt his heart. He didn’t want to go home he was so wounded, but he had nowhere else to go.

Sighing as he climbed into his car, Yuuri steered the car toward the house.  He tried calling Viktor, but it went straight to voicemail, indicating his phone was turned off.  He found it odd but didn’t think anything else of it.

When Yuuri arrived home, Viktor’s car was in the driveway, but he didn’t see any lights on inside. Figuring Viktor was in the bedroom, Yuuri went through the conversation he wanted to have with him in his head.  He took a deep breath and climbed up the steps, opening the door seconds later. The room was dark and he switched on a light, jumping moments later.

“Surprise!”

Yuuri’s eyes were wide as he looked from friend to loved one.  Everyone that was important in his life was present.  Balloons were tied to every piece of furniture and fixture, streamers crisscrossing overhead.  Yuuri felt his eyes tear up, and he smiled at everyone present.

“Thank you so much,” he said, fighting the happy sob that threatened to escape.

Viktor took several steps until he was standing in front of Yuuri, cupping his cheek and smiling when he reached him. Wrapping an arm around Yuuri’s waist, he lowered his head and kissed him for all he was worth.  The kiss expressed everything Viktor felt for Yuuri: love, admiration, lust, happiness, forever.  It was the most passionate kiss they’d shared in a long time, and it left Yuuri swooning.

“Happy birthday, Love,” Viktor said, kissing him yet again.

“I thought you forgot,” Yuuri said, feeling a tear slip down his cheek.

“Never, sweetheart,” he stated.

Yuuri couldn’t hold back his emotions when everyone wished him a happy birthday.  He was all smiles now, happy couldn’t describe how he felt.  When he reached his mother, the tears fell freely.

“Mom,” he croaked.

“Happy birthday, Baby Boy,” Hiroko said, “Words can’t begin to express how happy I am that you’re my son.  I’m so proud of you.”

Yuuri could only nod and rested his head on his mother’s shoulder when she hugged him.  The day started out horribly and continued for most of it, but Viktor redeemed himself by inviting all their friends and family to share Yuuri’s special day with them.

“Do you like it?” Viktor asked, handing Yuuri a glass of pink lemonade.

“I love it,” Yuuri said, “I didn’t think I’d say this today, but this has been one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.”

“I’m so glad, Love,” he said, grinning at his husband, “We can only go up from here.”

“I don’t know if you can top this one,” Yuuri declared.

“We’ll see,” Viktor said, “There’s always next year.”

[kitsunebi-uk]

All That We See or Seem outtakes #3: The original first kiss

Another example of me trying to run parallel to canon and feeling like it didn’t really work. I think this romantic evening they have makes for a pleasant read, but it’s lacking the emotional punch I wanted. When I was writing it, and again in the edit, the kiss felt flat, sort of anticlimactic, for me. I decided I liked their kiss the next day in the office better. And THEN I decided I liked it so much better that it ought to be the first kiss! Was this whole ‘date’ scene actually needed in the fic? No. Though to be honest, I kind of miss the mention of the transparent hovercraft over the bay at night :)

(Read the text under the break)

(Read the story on AO3 here)

Even though there was a T station at the airport, and Victor could be back at his apartment in two quick train journeys, Yuuri said he would meet him when his flight came in. He lived so close to the airport himself that it was only a short walk away; fortunately, over the years the noise and pollution from commercial planes had lessened to the point where this wasn’t the annoyance it used to be. Besides, after everything that had happened, he just wanted to see Victor.

           Yuuri waited within a small crowd of people outside of customs. It always felt strange doing this, as if they were an audience waiting for entertainers to appear onstage. Weary passengers pushing trolleys emerged in a trickle – and then there was Victor, in black slacks and a dark blue T-shirt, a plain black jacket slung over his arm, and his travel bag over his shoulder. He’d obviously packed lightly. When he spotted Yuuri, the fatigued look on his face melted away, and he beamed and strode forward.

           Yuuri hadn’t been prepared for the way his heart suddenly leaped and began thrumming. He reached out, once Victor was close enough, and enveloped him in a hug; and Victor quietly did the same. There was the hint again of cloves from what must have been his aftershave, and sweat, and Victor, that Yuuri had noticed when they’d stood together on the mountain. He breathed in and then sighed against Victor’s neck, feeling the heat of their bodies through their thin shirts.

           I love you.

           Oh…wow.

           It was completely, undeniably true, he knew. And both frightening and intoxicating.

           He wished the moment could last forever, but eventually they pulled apart. Victor’s cheeks were pink and his eyes bright.

           “Good flight?” Yuuri said, for lack of anything better. His brain seemed to have stopped functioning. With a quick check, he was relieved to find that his chip was OK at least.

           “We made good time after the delay. Well, I’m sure you realized. Thanks for coming, Yuuri. You…you didn’t need to.”

           Yuuri started walking, and Victor fell in alongside. “I just thought…after what happened, you know…it’d be nice to say hi. I’m glad Makkachin’s better.”

           “Me too,” Victor said with a little smile. “I made my dad promise to keep chocolates well out of reach from now on. After all this time, he didn’t know Makka could open the cupboard.”

           “Dogs will get into anything.”

           They fell silent; and when they arrived at the stairs that led down to the T station, Victor paused and looked at Yuuri. “I haven’t had a good meal for hours. There’s not much food in my apartment either, unless I want yogurt or a packet of cheese for dinner. I’m tired, but I’m hungrier. Would you like to join me somewhere?”

           “You want to go out to eat?”

           “Sure. And you went to all the effort just to come here and see me for a few minutes, so – ”

           “It wasn’t any effort. I got home from work a while ago and walked over.”

           “How about steak? That’s paleolithic, isn’t it?”

           “About as paleolithic as it gets,” Yuuri laughed. “And I love it. I haven’t eaten yet, either. Um…Joe’s is really good, downtown on the harbor.”

           “Sounds very American. Perfect. I could just do with getting back to my apartment and showering and changing, so why don’t I meet you there at…eight o’clock?”

           Yuuri grinned and nodded. “OK. I’ll get us a table and meet you inside.”

***

What do I do? What do I wear? How do I behave? Christ.

           Yuuri’s head was still in a whirl. He told himself that nothing had changed with Victor, apart from his awareness of the depth of his own feelings – despite what he’d promised himself about standing back and admiring. Well, he was still doing that, wasn’t he? Just admiring very much.

           And not exactly standing back, either. That was twice now that they had embraced. And when they did, in the warm stillness of the moment, he found himself wanting so much more.

           This never ended up how I was hoping it would when I was attracted to someone before. It was humiliating. But things were different now…weren’t they? He was different. Even so, he really had no clue how to negotiate these waters. They could drown him so easily.

           This is Victor. My best friend. My research partner. Not some random guy I’ve hit on. Get a grip.

           So, what to wear to Joe’s? Jeans – too casual. Work clothes – out of place. He decided on dark brown woolen pants, a red-and-black plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and brown loafers; then laid them out on his bed, had a quick shower, and put them on. The shirt was a little on the hot side right now, but according to the Friday, the temperature was already dropping outside as the sun dipped toward the horizon.

           He took the T downtown and arrived in plenty of time, having called beforehand to book a table. The interior of the restaurant was on the dim side, the walls paneled with dark wood, the seats upholstered in brown vinyl. Soft white light played from little lamps with shades ensconced along the walls, and sitting on every table. They’d given Yuuri a booth, and he slid in, plucking a menu from its stand but only giving it a cursory glance, having been here before and knowing more or less what he wanted. He didn’t usually wait this late to eat dinner, and his body was starting to protest at the fast, though at the same time the butterflies inside of him strove to chase all vestiges of appetite away.

           It’s just Victor. That’s all. If I can’t handle this now, how are we going to carry on researching together? Get a grip.

           He was beginning to think he was a poor source of rather repetitive advice. After all, he wouldn’t say such things to anybody else, and they never helped anyway.

           Passing the time by browsing scientific news sites on his chip, he looked up not long afterward to discover Victor had appeared and was slotting into the booth across from him, carrying a dark jacket which he tucked in the corner. Despite the circles under his eyes, he looked pleased to be there, and gave Yuuri a little smile.

           “If the aroma in here is anything to go by, this is going to be a fantastic meal,” he said.

           “It always is.” Yuuri watched Victor’s head droop while he read the menu. “Sure you’re up to this? You look like you could do with a good long sleep.”

           “I won’t sleep on an empty stomach. Let’s see…hm.”

           Yuuri couldn’t help but look. The gentle light setting Victor’s soft pale hair aglow. His pink lips, pressed together as he tried to make a decision. He was wearing a black cotton long-sleeved shirt with the first several buttons undone, exposing a gorgeous expanse of white throat, smooth and curved and muscular. Yuuri wondered what it would be like to kiss and taste it.

           Jesus, what’s wrong with me? I’m not a vampire. Get a –

           “Steak, baked potato and a salad – that’s what people usually order in these places, isn’t it?” Victor said brightly, putting the menu down.

           “Haven’t you been to steak houses in New York?”

           “Not very often. I’m used to getting ready meals and freezing them, or getting pizza delivered at work, that kind of thing. It’s only since I’ve been here with you that I’ve tried so many amazing new foods. Though the ones you cook yourself are the best.”

           “Flatterer,” Yuuri chuckled. He’d cooked them a grand total of one meal. Putting his own menu away, he interfaced with the screen on the wall next to him via his chip and selected his order. Steak, rare, au jus, with sweet-potato fries and a salad.

           When the food arrived, Victor laughed and commented that if Yuuri’s steak was any rarer, it would get up off his plate and walk away; then they ate in easy silence punctuated by small talk. Yuuri was curious to hear more about Russia. Victor’s father’s workshop sounded fascinating. And St. Petersburg must be beautiful this time of year. He wondered if he would ever be there to see it himself.

           After dinner, Victor asked Yuuri if he would like to take a walk along the harbor. Yuuri had refrained from suggesting anything else himself, knowing how tired Victor was, but he was happy to accede. He hadn’t brought a jacket, his shirt keeping him warm enough for a summer evening, though Victor was wearing his black jacket again with the embroidered gold dragon, which glinted under the street lights. They were on a gray-bricked path with tall old trees to the left and the water to the right, bordered only by decorative short iron posts linked to each other with a chain. The city lights glimmered yellow, orange, red and white as the breeze rippled gentle waves.

           “Is this good enough to get you to stay and finish the research with me?” Yuuri asked. “I know it’s not New York City, but…”

           Victor’s brow wrinkled as he looked at him. “I never intended to do anything else.”

           “It’s just that…well, we haven’t talked about what happened on Tuesday. How I almost fucked up the presentation, and went and called you when you were halfway across the world, worried about Makkachin. I thought…” He shrugged. “I don’t know, that it might put you off.”

           Victor huffed in surprise and was poised to reply when he spotted something a little distance down the path. “Yuuri, look – a hovercraft.” His eyes sparkled. “Let’s go for a ride.”

           “What?” Yuuri said, taken aback. “Um, well I guess the view would be pretty from up there, but I wouldn’t know. Those things are expensive to go on.”

           “It’ll be fun. I’ll pay.”

           “I don’t – ”

           “Come on, Yuuri,” Victor said with a smile, taking his hand and then starting to run. Laughing, Yuuri dashed behind him, still holding his hand. Yuuri had never been on a hovercraft before, and discovered it was completely chip-controlled. There was a sign with instructions; Victor paid for twenty minutes, and they both climbed through a hatch into the vehicle, which at the moment was transparent, though Yuuri knew it could tint to whatever opacity you required, like office windows. It was saucer-shaped with a dome, reminiscent of a water ride at an amusement park, made to seat perhaps six people around its circumference, though no one else was around to join them. The hatch closed, and the hovercraft lifted vertically out of the water with a quiet humming noise. Yuuri could see through the seats, through the floor, and all around, almost as if they were floating, surrounded by nothing but empty air.

           “Wow,” he enthused, squirming around to take in the whole of the view. “Where is this thing taking us?”

           “I picked a route that goes a little distance over the harbor and back,” Victor answered, tilting his head up and looking at the sky, then at the buildings and twinkling lights and shimmering waters they’d quickly left behind at what Yuuri reckoned must be about half a kilometer below, just higher than the tallest building.

           They sat next to each other, quiet for the most part as they briefly flew further out to sea, over several islands, and then back the way they had come. Yuuri decided he had rarely experienced anything so peaceful; though his proximity to Victor was making it impossible to completely relax. His pulse was racing again. The only light in the hovercraft was what entered from the city lights, limning them both in silver shadows, though their faces caught the warm glow of the lights as they drifted at a leisurely pace back to the harbor and the pier.

           “Yuuri…” Victor said, looking at him earnestly, “about what you were saying before…How could you think I’d be put off by a phone call?”

           Yuuri blinked. “Um, well it felt like I was intruding. I didn’t want to – ”

           “How could you ever think that?”

           Yuuri paused again, unsure of what to say, surprised at the feeling in Victor’s words. “I told you I was going to do the presentation by myself. That I was confident and prepared. But I got anxious, and then my chip blew – ”

           “That wasn’t your fault.”

           It kind of was. “Still…I just wanted to do better. It felt like I was letting you down.”

           Victor shook his head slightly, looking as if he couldn’t believe what Yuuri was saying. “Then you might be surprised to hear that I didn’t feel that way at all. Not for a moment.” He smiled, and Yuuri couldn’t look away from those eyes, so blue even in the shadows. “I was surprised when you volunteered to do the presentation on your own in the first place, because you’ve said how much it bothers you. And then, even when you were so upset on Tuesday, and your chip and tablet were both damaged…I wanted to help, Yuuri, I really did. But in the end I thought the best solution might be to cancel the presentation. There wouldn’t have been any harm done. You found the strength somewhere inside of you to do it, though.” His eyes were shining, and he added quietly, “It must have been good, too. Doctor Zhou called me and told me how impressed he was with our research, and how much he enjoyed attending the presentation.” At Yuuri’s gasp of surprise, his smile grew wider. “I think you did better than a lot of people would in that situation, Yuuri.”

           Yuuri just huffed in amazement, then returned his smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the pier approaching; the ride was almost at an end. He tilted his head to watch; and when he turned it back to look at Victor, a jolt of shock raced through him as he was quickly and tightly embraced. He barely had time to notice how Victor closed his eyes and parted his lips before Yuuri felt them pressing firmly against his own. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around Victor, though his eyes remained wide open in stunned silence; and then the moment passed, the hovercraft splashed lightly into the water, and Victor drew back so that their gazes met.

           “That was the only way I could think of to show you how much you impressed me,” he murmured.

           It took Yuuri a moment to find his voice. They still had their arms around each other. “Really?” he said quietly.

           A polite knock on the hatch of the hovercraft brought Yuuri’s attention to the fact that other people were waiting for them to untangle so that they could have a ride. He and Victor both gave a soft laugh and stood up, the hatch opening for them.

           “Your bag?” Victor said, holding it up as Yuuri began to step out.

           “Oh…yeah. Thanks,” he said with a sheepish grin, taking it and shrugging the strap over his shoulder. Victor hadn’t been carrying anything, but Yuuri had a habit of taking certain possessions with him wherever he went.

           They stood and faced each other, Yuuri fingering the strap, struggling to form a coherent thought or decide what he should do. Fortunately, Victor seemed to sense his confusion.

           “I’d better get back to my apartment; I can barely keep my eyes open.” He laughed softly. “But I’ll be at MIT in the morning. I wish I didn’t have to go to New York this weekend, but well, two weekends in a row…”

           “I understand,” Yuuri said, though he didn’t, because he didn’t know what Victor did there. “Thank you,” he said fervently, grasping for words.

           “Walk with me to the T station?”

           Yuuri nodded, and they strode next to each other over the short distance. When they arrived, they each needed to board from separate platforms.

           Victor’s hand gripped Yuuri’s briefly, giving it a squeeze. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Yuuri.”

           “Good night, Victor.” Their eyes held for a moment longer while they exchanged grins, and then they parted.

           There was a train already waiting on Yuuri’s platform, but he let it go, feeling dizzy.

           He kissed me.

           Victor Nikiforov kissed me.

           Suddenly he rummaged in his carryall and pulled out the biochem monitor, switching it on and waiting for it to take a reading. Adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, endorphins, all high. Pulse rate 46.8% above average.

His heart gave a leap, and he laughed and did a little twirl.

***

Yuuri had a class to teach the next day, but for once his mind wasn’t on it as he jogged to work. By the time he was downtown, he realized he didn’t even remember crossing the bridge over the harbor to get there.

           The fact that Victor had kissed him put paid to his fears that Victor did not want a romantic relationship with him. That in itself had kept Yuuri in a drunken stew of endorphins and happy hormones since the previous night. It felt like his feet were hardly touching the ground as he flew over the sidewalk.

           When he thought back on what had happened afterward, however, he suspected he hadn’t made his feelings very clear. He’d been too surprised to do anything decisive at the time, and then almost before he knew it they’d said goodbye at the station. Had Victor been wondering all this time whether he’d made a mistake; that Yuuri hadn’t liked what he’d done? He had to show him that wasn’t the case at all.

           He felt a conflict inside of him, however – because of course I can’t let anything good happen to me without trying to make a mess of it, he thought to himself – in the sense that part of him had been longing to be in this situation, while the other part was worried that it would be Victor who’d decide he had made a mistake, when he found out how anxious and inexperienced Yuuri really was. He’d never been in a romantic relationship and knew he would be questioning everything he did. It might even feel like that first day in Boston with Victor all over again, wondering if he was doing and saying the right things; telling himself Victor was out of his league.

           Fucking hell. I am my own worst enemy.

           Victor had initiated this. Yuuri was going to continue it, and he was going to be brave enough to face the uncertainties, taking each one as it came. As long as Victor was willing to be patient with him. Uncertainties could be unsettling…but not impossible to negotiate. Every day was full of them, after all.

           As he passed through the front door of Building 46 and into the atrium, however, there was a sick flutter in his stomach. How did one go about kissing someone – making that moment happen, rather than waiting for some perfect romantic opportunity? Without it being awkward or embarrassing? A smooth operator would know just how to touch, and what to say, in the right tone of voice. But if Yuuri had known how to do any of those things, he might have tried kissing Victor himself long before now.

           What if Victor was sitting at his desk when Yuuri walked in? Should he walk over there, bend down, and kiss him? No. Too weird. He needed him standing. So while he waited for him to stand, should he just say he really liked the kiss last night, and put him at his ease? No, that wouldn’t work at all.

           Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

           Well he winged his presentation, didn’t he? He could wing this. He could.

           His hand was shaking when the Friday clicked the office door and he pulled it open.

           No Victor.

           He took a deep breath, draped his suit coat over his chair, and went to make himself a cup of tea. He ought to be thinking about the work they were planning in the lab for that day, anyway. That would be the professional thing to do.

           The water was boiled, and he’d just dropped a peppermint teabag into his mug, when he heard the door open and close behind him. He swallowed as a wave of trepidation swept through him. Could it be Phichit? No, he’d bound straight over to his desk and say a cheerful hello. This person was quiet, more deliberating, as they hung their coat on the hook and paced softly across the room. Victor.

           Yuuri smelled his aftershave before he actually saw him. Then he was standing next to him at the little counter, wearing a plain white button-down shirt like Yuuri’s. “Good morning,” came his gentle voice. “I don’t suppose I could have a cup of coffee? My body doesn’t know whether it’s in Boston or St. Petersburg, which means it probably thinks it’s somewhere in the middle, like Iceland.”

           “Sure.” Yuuri poured water into the machine. Victor placed a palm on the counter, centimeters away from Yuuri’s hand. He was standing very close. Yuuri could hear his breaths.

           “How are you?” Victor asked him. Those eyes were on him; he could feel it.

           “I…I’m good,” he said, his voice hitching.

           “Yuuri – ”

           “Victor,” Yuuri whispered, turning and gripping his shoulder, quickly eliminating the remaining space between them as he tilted his head up and captured his lips. They were soft and pliant, unlike the quick hard kiss of the night before. Then Victor was wrapping his arms around him, one hand moving up and down his back in a slow caress. Yuuri wasn’t sure if he was trying to do the right things with his mouth, dredging up memories of brief half-drunk fumbles in bars, but he followed Victor’s lead, feeling like he could float away while at the same time a delicious warmth radiated through his body. He stroked Victor’s cheek with his palm, then with the outside of his fingers. There was a small puff of air on his skin as Victor breathed out through his nose. Then he caught Yuuri’s upper lip, lingering briefly before pulling back.

           “I wonder what your biochem monitor would be showing right now,” he said with a little laugh.

           “I’m going to find out. Seriously. Just, um, wait here a minute.” Yuuri dashed over to his carryall on the floor next to his desk, found the monitor, and brought it back over to the counter, where Victor was giving him an indulgent smile. His cheeks were the most beautiful rosy pink.      

           “Well?” Victor asked with a raised eyebrow.

           Yuuri laughed as he looked at the readout. “Heart rate 32.6% above baseline. The rest…” He lowered his voice, raising his eyes back to Victor’s. “…thoroughly indecent.”

           “Hm. Let’s see if we can’t improve that,” he said, tilting Yuuri’s chin up delicately with the tips of his fingers. Yuuri was practically quivering with anticipation. He put the monitor down on the counter, forgotten, as Victor’s lips found his own, light and teasingly exploratory at first, then more insistent. Yuuri edged closer, until he could feel the hard muscle and bone under Victor’s shirt, and then they were embracing again. Yuuri reached up to trail his fingers through the fine silky strands at the back of Victor’s head – how he’d ached to do this, for so long. Victor swiped Yuuri’s lower lip gently with the tip of his tongue, and Yuuri instinctively deepened the kiss to give him access.

           This was so, so different from Dominic and his tonsil hockey at the club. It was…melting, drowning in red heat. He felt a moan escape his throat, and heard a similar noise in response from Victor. Where were they? He couldn’t even remember.

           The snicking sound of the door opening caused them both to start and then jerk back. Yuuri just stood there looking stupidly at Victor as Phichit entered the office and headed to his desk. He smiled knowingly over at them both.

           “I’m not, um, interrupting anything, am I?”

           They both said a hasty “no” at the same time, Yuuri picking up the biochem monitor and going to sit down in his chair, while Victor poured himself some coffee.

           “I just came in to get a couple of things from the drawer here,” Phichit said, opening it and grabbing some metal components.

           “Don’t leave on my account,” Victor said politely. “If you need to use your desk – ”

           “No, it’s fine.” Phichit gave them each another smile, waggling his eyebrows at Yuuri while he had his back turned to Victor. “I’ll let you two get back to what you were doing.” Then he disappeared out the door.

           Yuuri took another reading from the biochem monitor. “Heart rate 47.7% above baseline,�� he said, huffing a laugh.

           “I bet mine’s higher,” Victor said in a low voice, giving him a hooded gaze. He put Yuuri’s mug of tea on the corner of his desk for him, then sat down with his cup of coffee. “We could aim to keep breaking our records.”

           Yuuri let out a breath, feeling a flush of heat to his face, and Victor chuckled.

           “But we do have a lot of work to do, too.”

           “Yeah,” Yuuri agreed with a sigh. Though god knows how I’m ever going to be able to concentrate on it.

[belovedyuuri]

colours of you’re your life & love

Rating: G / day one: mischief / AU (ao3)

It started with a simple question, one Yuuri murmured against Viktor’s lips on a syrupy-sweet, lazy Saturday morning, exactly two weeks ago.

“Will you pose for me?”

And then he kissed him.

All Viktor remembers now is feeling so overwhelmingly loved, tasting the strawberry jam on Yuuri’s tongue and feeling their hearts beating in a comfortable rhythm against each other. Of course, the answer he gave was yes. It always was yes.

Viktor can’t take this anymore. Ever since the toilet break he managed to beg out of Yuuri, the man has been (unsuccessfully, mind you) hiding his amusement behind the canvas.

“What’s so funny?”

Yuuri’s eyes jump to him and then immediately back to the portrait he’s been painting for the last three hours. “I don’t know what you mean,” he says in the same tone Viktor used on him two mornings ago when he emerged from their bedroom with a truly spectacular bedhead (which wasn’t Viktor’s own doing in any way. At all. Nuh-uh).

But Yuuri’s eyes are smiling, seriousness only an attempt to cover up the true emotions lightning his irises. His lips create a line more defined than in his relaxed state, dark eyebrows raised the tiny bit higher, as they are whenever Yuuri’s about to laugh or cry but he still desperately tries to contain either.

“I’m not laughing,” Yuuri adds when Viktor quirks his eyebrow, and Viktor hears it as the Not yet that it is. “Don’t move, you’re distracting me.”

Viktor huffs a smile but obliges. Not moving his face, he lets Yuuri work on the portrait in peace. Whatever is making him bite his lip to stop himself from laughing, Viktor’s sure he’ll find out soon enough.

Maybe it’s his forehead again. Or the two light birthmarks above his right eyebrow that together, according to Yuuri, look like an extremely dissatisfied moustached man.

Maybe that’s it, he thinks as he observes Yuuri’s every move – maybe Yuuri’s final grade project is actually a study of the very same thing that made him laugh till a bellyache after their impromptu pillow fight last week. Viktor can only imagine the contemplation on the face of Yuuri’s strict art professor as she looks for depth and symbolism in a close-up of his eyebrow.

The idea bubbles laughter in his stomach, it’s so ridiculous—though if Lilia Baranovskaya found life and love in the painting, Viktor would not argue at all; ever since he met Yuuri, every part of his body has been full of these two things to the brim.

He feels eyes on him and only then does he realise that his shoulders are shaking. He mouths sorry to Yuuri and tries his best to stay still.

He gets a silent love you, too in return.

Makkachin shuffles into the living room at one point, nose close to the floor as she does when she searches for her favourite toy. She stops at Yuuri’s side and gazes up at him, then shifts her eyes to the hand that moves with every brush stroke.

“What do you think, Makka?” Yuuri asks, not looking away from his work as he drops his left hand to Makkachin’s head and runs his fingers through her too-long, curly fur. (Viktor makes a mental note to book an appointment at the pet saloon later on.)

Whatever is on the canvas, she clearly likes it, if her tongue rolling out in a happy pant is any proof.

Yuuri hums to himself and nods, mirth dancing on his face. “I thought so. Might be my best work yet.”

Viktor has never wanted to see Yuuri’s art more than in this very moment. It’s not every day that pure confidence and joy about his work are written all over Yuuri’s face – that look itself creates a piece of art worthy of Louvre.

“You’re taking quite some time on this portrait today,” Viktor says after some time of sitting as still as he can. “Has it been four hours now? Five? I thought you were nearly done with it already.”

Yuuri nods. “I am. Almost.” Viktor’s eyes follow his paintbrush as it blindly searches for the water mug. It misses once and then again until Yuuri actually pays attention to what he’s doing. “And it’s only been two hours. Without the ‘quick’, one-hour break you took.” He pauses to give Viktor a pointed look. “To grade some papers.”

How did you know? Viktor wants to ask, but there’s no point in it, really. Instead, he playfully rolls his eyes and smiles when Yuuri murmurs a soft “I saw that.”

With not nearly enough head rubs, Makkachin moves out of their sight, continuing her search. Viktor feels a pang of guilt for stealing her plushie earlier and throwing it into the washing machine.

“Besides,” Yuuri continues, snapping Viktor’s attention back to him. He hovers his brush over the paint palette, eyes moving from one colour to another in indecision, “You can’t rush perfection, you know.”

“In my wildest dreams I wouldn’t rush you.”

The light pink that dusts Yuuri’s cheeks at the implication is the only reward Viktor hopes for every day of his life.

“Thanks,” Yuuri says softly, smiling at Viktor, before his eyes move back to the canvas and the left corner of his mouth curls in obvious humour, eyebrow arched. “I wasn’t talking about myself, though.” He moves the paintbrush covered in the vivid red against the canvas, oblivious to the sweet, warmth implosion sucking all air out of Viktor’s lungs.

Three years they’ve been living together. Three years, and that smile still kills Viktor every day in the best ways possible. How lucky must he be to be able to live his entire life in just one Katsuki Yuuri look and be reborn every time he sees any of the private smiles the man hides from so many people but him?

“So perfect,” Yuuri claims under a sigh, shaking his head in amused wonder.

Viktor dies some more.

Whether the praise feels like the lightness of sunrays on his skin or the beautiful destruction that it is, he can never decide.  Were he not already blessed by Yuuri’s presence in his daily life, he would keep coming back to him for more, no matter how many miles he’d have to walk.

Finally, Yuuri judges the painting for one final time before he puts his brush away. “I think it’s done.”

“Can I see it?”

Yuuri bites his lip, trying to stop his smile from taking over half his face. It also stops him from replying, though, so he just nods and beckons Viktor over with one hand.

The first thing Viktor registers is not what’s on the canvas, but the puffed little breaths coming from Yuuri – Yuuri, who’s standing so close that the air vibrates with his held-in laughter, who’s trying to hold himself together with his arms crossed over his middle, his eyes fixed on Viktor’s face and nowhere else.

From the canvas, a stickman with a heart for its mouth stares back at him with his radiantly blue eyes, a mess of long, grey, wavy lines starting at the top of his head and flying in all directions. It reminds Viktor of a Medusa drawing he attempted as a child, except the living-room background of Yuuri’s painting is much more elaborate than anything child Viktor could ever achieve.

“This is—“

“Beautiful?” Yuuri wraps his arm around Viktor’s middle and leans into his side, his body shaking with silent laughter. Viktor has no choice but to pull him even closer, never looking away from the canvas. “Incredible? Amazing? Show-stopping? Spectacular?”

Viktor snorts softly and shakes his head. “Totally unique,” he says. Yuuri’s laughter sounds freely against his chin. “Is this what I’ve been posing for every day for the last two weeks?”

Yuuri laughs and kisses Viktor’s cheek before looking back at the painting. “What would you do if I said yes?”

“I’d say that I’d get you back for this one.”

Yuuri rolls his eyes and steps away. “Then no, it was only today. Anyway, you can’t do that.” He turns to Viktor with his hands on his hips. “This is me getting back at you. So we’re even now.”

Viktor frowns for a moment, carding through his head for anything he must have done to deserve a comeback—before it hits him, startling a snicker out of him. “Is this for the other day?” he asks, grinning. “Your bedhead looked very cute, Yuuri.”

“It was all over the place,” Yuuri argues. “More so than usual. You messed it up on purpose.”

“You liked when I was doing it, though.” Viktor smiles and arches his eyebrow. “Didn’t you like me stroking your hair this way, helping you wake up?”

“I did but—that’s so not the point.” Yuuri sighs and glances back at the canvas. “We had a guest over—Phichit was there, you should have known that anything embarrassing in his vicinity would be saved and shared forever.”

Now that Yuuri’s mentioned it, Viktor recalls the sound of a phone camera shutter and a squeak of glee coming from the living room couch that morning when Yuuri finally got up. His eyes widen with interest and with his phone having seemingly materialised in his hand, he opens Phichit’s Instagram.

[a photo of Yuuri standing in the bedroom door, one side of his face marked by pillow creases. He’s rubbing his eye with his right hand while his left is curled in one of Viktor’s old, well-loved T-Shirts. His dark hair is stuck in all possible directions, clearly a result of having fingers ran through it countless of times.]

Somebody had fun this morning 👀👀👀 #sleepingbeauty #defyinggravity #crownsareoverrated #bedheadofthecentury

“Oh...” Viktor bites his lip and glances up at Yuuri who’s looking at him expectantly with arms crossed over his chest and soft exasperation in his eyes.

He presses the heart on the screen.

Yuuri shakes his head. “You’re going to save it, aren’t you?”

It’s not even voiced like a question so Viktor doesn’t bother replying. Instead, he asks, “How do you feel about it?” and relishes in the sight of Yuuri’s embarrassed smile.

“The photo itself isn’t that bad, I guess,” Yuuri says after a whole minute of gathering his thoughts. “But yesterday when I served coffee to this one girl, she stared at me and asked me if I was ‘The Bedhead Guy’.”

Viktor awws and pulls Yuuri into a hug. He saves Phichit’s photo on his phone at the same time he kisses Yuuri’s head.

“I can’t believe you made me sit still for three hours for nothing,” he murmurs, more amused than anything. “It took an hour alone to braid the flowers into my hair exactly the same way as before.”

Yuuri’s chuckle feels warm against his shoulder.

“I won’t even tell you what a hell it was to put the eye-shadow just right, too.”

Yuuri hums softly and presses a kiss to Viktor’s cheek. “Serves you right,” he says and leans back, excited eyes finding Viktor’s. “Would you like to see the actual portrait now? I’m pretty proud of it.”

“You mean to tell me this isn’t the masterpiece that will lead you to passing the class with flying colours?”

Yuuri snorts, taking the canvas off the easel.“Nope. This one is for your eyes only.” He lays it on the breakfast bar, where it’ll be safe from Makkachin’s curious nose, just in case. “Wait right here,” he says and disappears into their bedroom.

When he returns, it’s with another canvas in his hands, one he sets on the easel, all the while hiding it from Viktor’s view with his own body. He chances a look over his shoulder, a mix of excitement and nervousness in his sparkling eyes, searching for something. Whatever it is, he must find it.

He steps away and Viktor is lost.

Purple washes over him. Colours burst in his chest. Time freezes and the world stills; the portrait is the only thing truly alive anymore.

It’s—Viktor. But at the same time, it’s not. The portrait is not of a person, nor a creature, not anything palpable – it’s emotions expressed in the hues of blue and purple and red, it’s innocence and love and magic.

He thinks he can hear music, too.

The Viktor in the painting—fairy Viktor, love Viktor, a Viktor Viktor himself has never seen—is clothed in the same flowy, lilac robe he’s wearing, the fabric curling around his form and slipping off his left shoulder. His long, silver hair rests on his right and falls down his chest in an intricate braid, flowers of purple hibiscus, orange blossom, and red aster blooming in the snug embrace of the strands. One papilio ulysses butterfly perches on one of the white orange blossoms, its wings spread wide in a fashionable, black-and-blue presentation, another is caught mid-air right above the purple petals of a hibiscus flower.

As if stuck in a dream, Viktor is only slightly aware of Yuuri stepping close to him and wrapping his arms around his waist in a half-embrace. His head rests on Viktor’s shoulder, both of them looking at the painting now.

“Your heart is beating very fast,” Yuuri murmurs after a stretch of silence; his voice is quiet yet it strikes Viktor like a waterfall of freezing and hot at the same time, pulling him from his trans with the same intensity that accompanies resurfacing for air after being underwater for too long. He grasps at Yuuri’s hand, now resting over his heart, and intertwines their fingers together, giving them a light squeeze.

“This one,” he whispers, all traces of smile gone from his awe-parted lips. “I’ll be standing next to this one in your very first art exhibition.”

Yuuri snorts softly, his breath tickling Viktor’s chin. “You’ll have to wait a long time for that to happen.”

It takes all of Viktor’s willpower to tear his gaze away from the portrait but when he finally does, Yuuri’s eyes are there to push the entire world to the sidelines, suddenly not important at all. He lifts their fingers to his lips, brushing a kiss over Yuuri’s hand as soft as the butterfly wings in the painting.

“Whenever that happens, I’ll be ready.”

[viktorlovesyuuri]

Kiss the Cook

For twenty minutes straight, Viktor stared at the sheet of paper laid out in front of him. Over and over again, he read the instructions, attempting to memorize them to the best of his ability. Yuuri would be home any second now, and he was suppose to cook them a pirozhki dinner because apparently as part of his mission to make himself look stupid, he told Yuuri that he knew how to make pirozhki without a cookbook. Truthfully, he had watched Yakov and Yurio make it quite a few times, but he had never actually done it himself. He thought that maybe once he got into the kitchen and actually started gathering ingredients and materials, it would all come to him slowly. But instead, he stood in the kitchen for thirty minutes, staring at a pan he managed to put on the stove.

After that unproductive period of time, he decided he would just give in and get a cookbook, only to find that there wasn’t one in his kitchen that had the recipe for pirozhki. What kind of Russian was he to not have a cookbook with that recipe in it? Obviously not a very good one.

Tonight was his night though, he could make up for his poor ability to be Russian by making his beautiful husband a pirozhki dinner without instructions and impressing him with how good it would taste. All he had to do was… make good pirozhki. It wasn’t that he was incapable of cooking, because he definitely wasn’t. He lived alone most of his life, he knew how to cook a good amount of things. But that didn’t necessarily mean cooking was one of his better skills, he actually wasn’t all that good at it. He often tended to get distracted and burn things, or take things out of the oven too early because he was afraid he was going to burn them. There really wasn’t an in between with him. It was just one extreme to another, one ex-

“Viktor, I’m home!” Yuuri announced before the closing the door behind him.

Oh crap! Viktor had been so caught up in his thoughts that he forgot Yuuri was on his way home. Now he was here, and he no longer had any time to memorize the recipe he found online! “I’m in the kitchen, solntse,” Viktor called out while folding up the paper on the counter and shoving it in his pocket.

Moments later, Yuuri emerged from the living room and into the kitchen, a big smile on his face. “How’s my chef doing?”

Viktor opened his arms for Yuuri, who gladly walked right into them and wrapped his arms around his waist. He wrapped his arms around Yuuri in return and kissed the top of his head. “Your chef is ready to cook dinner for his amazing husband.”

Yuuri tilted his head up towards Viktor and stood on his toes momentarily so he could give him a kiss. “Good,” he said after falling back down to flat feet, “Because I’m starving.” He untangled himself from Viktor’s grasp and walked over to the other side of their island where some high top chairs were. After discarding his coat to the back of one of the chairs, he moved to the other side of the counter where Viktor was putting on an apron.

Viktor’s back was to Yuuri while he tied on the the apron Chris bought him a while ago for no real reason. When he turned around to show Yuuri, he immediately broke into laughter, which in turn made Viktor smile brightly. “You like it?”

“I kiss better than I cook,” Yuuri read allowed, still laughing a little, “Did Chris get you that?”

He nodded and took a couple steps towards Yuuri. “Want to test that?”

“How about after you actually cook?” Yuuri suggested, taking a step back from Viktor just to tease him.

Right, he almost forgot that he was going to have to cook. “Alright, then I better cook fast because I’d like to get a kiss from my husband.”

“Vitya, I just gave you a kiss before,” Yuuri reminded him as he sat down at one of the seats behind their counter so he could watch Viktor.

Even though they had been married for a few months, hearing Yuuri call him ‘Vitya’ still made Viktor weak in the knees. “Okay fine, I will cook for your kisses.” He waited for Yuuri’s nod of approval, then went to work collecting the ingredients for piroshki. What did he need again for this? Water, salt, milk, egg… Oh crap, he was drawing a blank. Well, he could at least get what he knew. Slowly, but surely, he began gathering the ingredients that he remembered from the ingredients list. After a good half hour of wandering around the kitchen grabbing anything that looked like it probably went in piroshki, he decided he should probably try cooking it.

What was the first thing that Yakov did when he cooked? Why couldn’t he remember? Oh man, this was stupid. He was stupid. Why would he try and do this without a recipe? Yuuri wouldn’t care if he used it or not, right?

“Watashi no ai, are you okay?”

When Viktor turned around, he found that Yuuri was standing right behind him, rather than sitting at his counter seat from before. Viktor’s heart nearly melted from hearing Yuuri call him ‘my love’ in Japanese, and he immediately moved forward to envelope Yuuri in his arms. “I have a confession to make.”

“What is it?” He asked, looking up at Viktor.

“My darling, the truth is…” As much as he didn’t want to say it, there was no way he could resist telling anything to Yuuri while looking into his big, brown, beautiful eyes. “I’ve never actually made piroshki by myself before with no recipe out in front of me. And you’re such a good cook, so I really wanted to impress you.”

Yuuri smiled sweetly at Viktor and brought a hand up to the side of his face so he could brush his platinum bangs away from his eye. “Oh Vitya, you impress me every single day in everything you do.”

“I do?”

Laughing a little,  Yuuri nodded. “Of course, you are the most impressive person I know.”

“I am?”

Rolling his eyes, Yuuri stood on his toes and pressed a sweet kiss to Viktor’s lips. “We have been married for how long and you don’t know this already?”

“I’m sorry, solntse, will you forgive me?”

“Of course, I always will.” After another kiss, he stepped out of Viktor’s hug and turned to the ingredients on the counter. “Now, how about we make some piroshki together, huh?” He smirked at Viktor then walked over to the kitchen closet. After doing some digging on one of the shelves, he pulled out a brand new apron and put it on.

When Yuuri turned around and Viktor read his apron for the first time, he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or begin making out with Yuuri right then. The apron was black with the words, ‘May I suggest the sausage,’ in white and a hand pointing downwards to his private areas. “Did Chris get you that?” He asked through laughter he was unable to hold back.

“Actually Phichit did, he thought you would really enjoy it.”

Viktor nodded, “I really, really do. And after we finish having piroshki, I will definitely have the sausage.” He winked at Yuuri and earned himself a light slap on the arm and a look that said, ‘you’re so corny, but of course you can.’

“Let’s get to work,” Yuuri prompted after that, walking over to the ingredients while Viktor pulled the folded up recipe out of his pocket and laid it out on the counter.

For a good forty five minutes, they were very productive. Viktor read off the instructions while Yuuri gathered ingredients in order to carry them out, then showed Viktor how to do each step and watched as he mimicked it. It wasn’t until Makkachin came bounding into the kitchen, and Viktor decided to pet her with his flour covered hands that things began to get messy.

After realizing what he did, Viktor turned quickly to grab some paper towels, accidently knocking over the flour bag as he did so, spilling more of it right on top of Makka. Makka proceeded to bark at them, then shake the flour off of her, so it went all over the kitchen and all over Viktor, who was standing extremely close to her.

While laughing at his flour covered husband, Yuuri pulled out his phone to take a picture so he could remember this moment forever. As he was tucking his phone back in his pocket, he was suddenly hit in the face with a large handful of flour.

“Viktor!” He shouted, quickly taking off his glasses to wipe them off on the bottom of his apron, which was miraculously still flour-free.

Now it was Viktor who was laughing and pulling out his phone to take a picture of his husband whose whole face was white aside from where his glasses use to be. “You look funny like that, Yuuri!”

Yuuri frowned and reached into the mostly empty flour bag, then grabbed a handful of the white powder and tossed it right back at Viktor’s face. His plan to get Viktor back kind of backfired when Viktor started laughing even more at the fact that his face was also very messy now. “Is that how you want to play, Yuuri?” He asked while putting his phone in his back pocket.

Smirking, Yuuri grabbed more powder and threw it at Viktor once again. “I do,” he answered, taking a step back away from Viktor.

Viktor grabbed the whole bag of powder and stepped towards Yuuri, causing his husband to take off running around the counter. Laughing, Viktor began chasing after him with the bag in his hands. “Come back here, Katsuki-Nikiforov, let me dump this on you!”

Yuuri looked back over his shoulder and shook his head. “Never!” He shouted back, glancing on top of the counter to see if there was anything he could use to throw at Viktor. While he was looking, he didn’t realize that he had ventured a little too close to their counter chairs and tripped over one of the legs. Luckily, he was quick to put his arms out in front of him to catch himself before he hit the floor too hard.

“Yuuri!” Viktor called out before running over to him and dropping the bag near the chair. He knelt down next to his husband and placed his hand on his back. “Are you alright, love?”

Yuuri groaned and then turned over and looked up at his husband, nodding. “Yes, I’m okay, just tripped.” As he was sitting up, he grabbed the bag of flour and dumped the rest of it right over Viktor’s head.

Viktor yelped and jumped up, shaking his head to get some of the flour out of hair. “Oh you are so devious, Yuuri,” he said with a smirk, rubbing his eyes so he could see again. When he opened them again, he saw that Yuuri was standing in front of him a big smile on his flour covered face. “What are you smiling at?” He asked, taking a step closer to the love of his life.

“Just you,” he responded, taking a step towards him.

Viktor chuckled and moved forward again. “So Yuuri, can I kiss you now?”

Yuuri didn’t even respond, instead he just opened his arms and waited for Viktor to come to him. Moments later, their bodies were pressed together and their lips were against one another’s moving in unison as they kissed. They stayed like this for a while, before Yuuri’s stomach grumbled and they realized that they were going to have to eat some sort of food.

Due to the loss of their flour, the two of them were never actually able to finish making piroshki, instead they ordered chinese food and scared the crap out of the poor delivery man who thought they were ghosts when they answered the door. After having a good laugh about that, they ate their chinese food together at the kitchen table and chatted about how much cleaning they were going to have to do in the kitchen and the rest of the apartment.

When they finished dinner, they decided the next step to take would be to shower. Before walking out of the kitchen, hand-in-hand, Viktor wrote two words in the flour on the counter and drew a heart underneath them.

“Why?” Yuuri asked as they walked away together, glancing back over his shoulder at the counter.

“Because you, my Yuuri, are my life and my love.”

[viktor’s apron]

[yuuri’s apron]

(pics of aprons taken from google) 

[kasumi-chou]

Warning!!! Angst! Character death!

For the amazing and beautiful @queenofaburiedkingdom

Déjà Vu

“Are you planning to sleep all day?”

A voice questioned with a soft chuckle. A chuckle that set his heart alight.

Victor ever so slowly opened his eyes, a smile raising to his lips when the figure sitting in front of him came into focus.

His beautiful fiancé sat before him, staring at him with the most endearing look on his face.

“Lyubimyy,” he mumbled softly while reaching out to wrap his arms around the man sitting in front of him. “What are you doing up so early?”

“It isn’t that early,” Yuuri said while gently brushing the hair out of his eyes.

He still couldn’t believe it, he was married to an angel. An angel that sat in front of him, blocking the steadily growing glow of sunlight that pierced its way into their room through the curtains.

“I’m a little nervous,” Yuuri suddenly said, causing him to pause. What would Yuuri be nervous about? The skating season had just ended and they had agreed on a little break before-

Victor jolted into an upright position before reaching over and tugging Yuuri into his lap.

“One more day,” he said with a bright smile across his face, “One more day and I’ll be married to the most gorgeous man in the world.”

“Victor,” Yuuri laughed while leaning against his chest.

“Yuuri,” he cooed back while leaning down and planting a kiss against his future-husband’s forehead, “There is no need to be nervous.”

“Easier said than done,” Yuuri mumbled, causing him to hum sorry.

“Just remember, that I’ll be right there. At the end of the aisle, waiting to marry you. You could walk down the aisle in nothing and I would still marry you,” he said while gently squeezing Yuuri’s side as he held him close.

Yuuri was silent for a moment before slowly tilting his head up to stare him in the eyes.

“What if I wore my lucky tie?” Yuuri questioned, causing him to freeze.

“No, anything but that,” he gasped while staring down at his fiancé with a panicked look. Not that ugly tie, anything but that.

A snort filled the air, following closely by Yuuri’s bright laugh. It was such a cheerful, bright sound that Victor couldn’t help the smile that rose to his lips.

Yuuri’s laughter slowly settled down and the younger male went back to leaning against his bare chest, letting him soak in the image in front of him.

His enchanting fiancé said in one of his shirts, which hung off Yuuri just right and covered the pair of booty shorts Yuuri had decided to wear. His glasses were slightly askew and his hair an adorable mess.

Victor leant down and press another kiss to the top of Yuuri’s head, pausing momentarily to get lost in the smell of Yuuri’s hair.

“Phichit said he would be picking me up at six this evening. On the dot and if I wasn’t ready to go, he was dragging me away,” Yuuri mumbled while tugging on his pants, the only article of clothes he was currently wearing.

“No,” he pouted while tightening his arms around Yuuri, “Don’t go.”

Yuuri let out a chuckle while lifting a hand up to gently stroke his cheek.

“I’m not going now, we have the whole day before I go. And then tomorrow we will be married,” Yuuri said while gently stroking his cheek.

Victor sat their quietly for a moment, arms locked around Yuuri’s hips with his face pressed into his fiancés adorable bed hair.

“I love you,” he mumbled softly while slowly rising his head to smile down at his lover.

“I love you more,” Yuuri chuckled, voice bright and cheerful.

How he wished he could live this moment forever.

It was the coldness that woke him.

The feeling of freezing cold air touching his bare skin.

“Oh Victor,” a voice sighed, sounding almost sadly.

He slowly opened his eyes and was met with a dull scene.

The room, which was actually a hallway now that he actually took notice, was a dull blue colour. The only light that trickled into the hallway was the light leaking in from behind the figure standing in front of him.

He finally noticed where he was, seated on the ground with his shoulder pressed up against the wall. He sat facing the doorway in which the figure now stood. It took him a few moments to really focus on the figure, the blur of black and yellow turning into an aged Yurio.

Where was the little fifteen-year-old gone, and was the figure in front of him really Yurio?

Victor opened his mouth to question Yurio about his sudden age increase when he realised how dry his throat was. So dry that nothing escaped his mouth, leaving his mouth ajar as he stared up at Yurio.

“Come on, old man, time to get up,” Yurio sighed, walking forwards and easily pulling him to his feet. He tried to protest to the manhandling, only for his feet to almost give out under his own weight.

“I’ve got you,” Yurio voice says gently, almost like the blonde was trying to reassure him.

Where was Yuuri?

Or even Makkachin?

Why was it cold?

Why was Yurio there?

“Y-Yuuri?” he forced himself to say, ignoring the pain that came with the single word.

He wasn’t sure if the blonde had just chosen to ignore him or was more focused on getting him to wherever he was being taken.

A moment later, he found himself seated on one of the kitchen chairs, blinded by the light Yurio had turned on. His eyes had barely adjusted to the light when something was pressed into one of his hands. His fingers wrapped around it the object, glass by the cold feel of it.

“Drink,” Yurio voice said softly while helping him to lift the glass to his lips. His drunk the while glass greedily, hoping that the liquid would drench his thirst.

He let out a sigh as he careful set the glass down with Yurio’s help.

“Yuuri?” he questioned, earning a sigh.

“Victor, why do you always fucken do this to me?” Yurio sighed, sounding more upset then angry. “Victor, Yuuri is dead. Gone. It’s been a year, just, just, just-”

The rest of Yurio’s sentence faded into the background.

‘Victor, Yuuri is dead��

‘Yuuri is dead’

‘Dead’

‘Yuuri’

It all came back to him at once.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he stared at the blonde in front of him.

Yuuri, his beautiful, gorgeous, enchanting Yuuri was gone.

Makkachin too.

His ears were suddenly full of Yuuri’s last scream. A scream of his name.

“He’s gone,” he felt the words escaped his dry lips.

“When was the last time you ate?” Yurio asked while standing up and moving away from him. He sat frozen, finding himself unable to move.

“It’s my fault,” he whispered.

“No,” Yurio snapped harshly, “Don’t you ever think that, Victor Nikiforov. You didn’t kill him. The asshole who drive through a red light and slammed into your car killed him.”

“But-“

“No, no, no, no,” Yurio said while reaching over and grabbing the front of his shirt. “No buts! You didn’t kill him, you didn’t.”

He sat there a moment, staring at the blonde before ever so softly grabbed the hand holding onto his shirt.

“But I survived,” he said softly.

“Yes, you survived and he didn’t!” Yurio snapped in his face. “And you are rotting away here blaming yourself for something you didn’t do. You were going home from my apartment; do you know how guilty I feel!”

Victor felt the breath catch in his throat as he stared at the blonde in surprise.

“You wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t me. Yuuri wouldn’t be dead, or that overgrown mutt of yours. You wouldn’t have all these memory problems. I’m sorry, I am so sorry,” Yurio cried while crumbling to the ground in front of him.

“Yurio,” he mumbled ever so softly, “When did you grow up?” he asked, as the blonde sobbed into his lap, mumbling apology after apology.

“Are you planning to sleep all day?”

A voice questioned with a soft chuckle. A chuckle that set his heart alight.

Victor lay there for a moment, a feeling of déjà vu overtaking him.

I know this is less Victor breaking and more Yurio shattering but I hope you still enjoy it

[crippledboyfriend]

Trouble in St. Petersburg Part 3

Part 1 (on Ao3)

Part 2 (on tumblr)

Viktor finished shaving as Yuuri got his hair in place and was ready for their day in.

“Just a second,” Viktor promised, and Yuuri waited and watched lovingly as Viktor brushed his own hair. He smiled at Yuuri and looked back at himself, liking that he was being watched.

“You are so beautiful,” said Yuuri. “Are you going to put on makeup?”

“No, not today,” said Viktor. “We’re just staying in.”

“When did you…” Yuuri started to blush. “First…start wearing makeup?”

“When I was 16, maybe?” said Viktor. “It could’ve been earlier for competitions. Stage makeup, like I’ve done for you. Why? Are you interested in wearing it more?”

“Not really, well, maybe,” Yuuri stammered. “How nervous were you when wearing it out for the first time?”

“Yes, but I didn’t get out much. I felt safe doing it at Yakov’s rink. I did get in huge trouble when he noticed, though.”

“Oh, you did?” Yuuri felt horrible for bringing it up. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it.”

“Oh, it wasn’t like that,” Viktor said as he sat the brush down. “Not at all. I was living with him then, and I had been stealing his wife’s makeup every now and again. I tried to go heavier with the blush one day, and I used eyeshadow, plus that day I also used some lipstick that was a bit red, and well, it looked gaudy. He realised that I had it caked on my face once we were under the rinks bright lights. He grabbed me super hard and pulled me off privately to scold me. But honestly, I think everyone could hear his yelling. He made me wash my face and demanded to know who I thought I was. One of his whole, ‘you ingrateful brat, we took you in as our own, do you even think’ kind of speeches. He made me apologise to Lilia for not only using her makeup without asking, but for wasting it and looking like a slut. I think the ‘slut’ part was a bit uncalled for, but I can see why Yakov kept telling me that he would not have me looking like a ‘goddamned whore’ and he was embarrased for me that I left the house like that.”

“That’s horrible,” said  Yuuri. “Was it really that bad?”

“Yeah, I really did waste it, and I think it’s best nobody can tell I’m wearing any makeup at all. Less is better,” said Viktor. “I know they punished me for a while, but eventually Lilia bought me makeup of my own and taught me how to use it!”

“She taught you well,”

“Yeah, once I also had to apologise to Yakov for calling him queerphobic when he was just trying to protect me,” smiled Viktor. “Do you miss my long hair?”

“Uhh, yeah,” said Yuuri. “You still look great as is, but I did like it just slightly better. It matters to me more that you like how your hair looks.”

“But I loved it long!” Viktor promised.

“Does that mean you’ll grow it out again?”

“Well, possibly. When I cut it, I was still pushing all of my limits to skate when my body was screaming in pain,” Viktor explained. “Skating is more important to me than how I look, so I wanted a more managable haircut, just in case the ease of it would encourage me to keep going a bit more.”

“Did it make a difference?” asked Yuuri.

“Well, yes. Some,” Viktor explained. “It took a lot of time to wash and brush. But it didn’t make a huge difference. I’m still glad that I did it, though.”

“Me too,” said Yuuri. “I want you to be comfortable.”

“Plus it surprised everyone,” smiled Viktor. “I got so much attention.”

“It was quite a surprise…” said Yuuri. “I remember staring at photos and trying to decide if I liked it better that way or not.”

“But…you did not…” Viktor looked away dramatically, and then quickly turned to grin at his fiancé. “If I grow it out again, will you take care of it?”

“S-sure,” Yuuri blushed. “You’ll have to teach me how, but of course. I’d love to do that.”

“It used to be so easy to keep up my appearances. I miss being a teenager,” Viktor looked at himself in the mirror again before turning to Yuuri to head out to the living room. “But at least I could just get comestic surgery like Lilia and stay pretty forever!”

“What?” Yuuri followed by Viktor, shocked. “Viktor, you don’t need to do that!”

Viktor just laughed and continued out to the living room.

Well, at least he’s feeling better. Yuuri thought to himself.

“Good morning, Yurio!” Viktor chirped as he went to sit down next to him on the couch.

“Hey,” said Yurio. Makkachin walked up to him, and the teen pet her. She sniffed at the cat beside him on the floor curiously, and the cat allowed it.

Yuuri pat the cat as he walked by, and jumped back in suprise as she scratched him.

“Don’t be so rough with her,” Yurio glared at Yuuri and pet his cat to calm her back down.

“I-I wasn’t, I just—“

“Like this,” said Yurio.

“Sorry,” Yuuri did a quick bow and spun around, only to stop noticing the bills on the table. He knew that Viktor was paying for Nikolai’s current treatment, but he didn’t realise how high the price was.

Viktor probably wants the best for Yurio’s grandpa. Yuri thought to himself, hoping that he was getting extravagant care for what the cost was.

“Woah!” Yuuri stumbled over Makkachin, who had suddenly gotten under his feet.

“Sorry,” Yuuri pet the confused pup, blushing as he noticed the smirks on the Russian’s faces.

Yuuri checked that there was water in the pets bowls and went to sit on the couch with the others. He held Viktor’s hand and Viktor gave him a kiss on the cheek. Makkachin jealously pawed at them. Viktor then let go of Yuuri’s hand and put his arm around his fiancé, loving that he was small enough to comfortably fit.

In a flirty mood, Viktor turned and they rubbed their noses together, and then he kissed at Yuuri’s cheek.

Yurio squished into his side of the couch a bit more and scrunched up his nose.

Why do they have to come here to do that? They were just alone. But…How would men even have sex, anyway? He wondered, but then he quickly realised he absolutely did not want to think about it.

Viktor and Yuuri continued to be affectionate, but as if to prove to Yurio that they could be more disgusting, Viktor’s nose startd to run on Yuuri’s glasses. Yuuri pulled away, embarrassed, blushing and stammering softly as he went to clean his lenses on his shirt.

“Sorry,” Viktor apologised. Assuming Yuuri was mumbling in Japanese, he then added,

“What are you saying?”

“N-nothing, just…” Yuuri tried to explain. “Just making noises, really…” Yuuri could feel Yurio glaring at him and continued to blush.

Right when Yurio was about to mind his own business and go back to his laptop, he couldn’t help but notice the adults switched jackets since he talked with Yuuri in the morning. He made another disgusted face and tried to forget about them, hoping they’d leave him alone again soon.

Puma Tiger Scorpion hopped up onto Viktor’s lap for attention. She tolerated a bit more pressure than she likes as Viktor stroked her, but with one stroke too close to her stomach, she bit his hand.

“You were asking for it,” Yurio said simply as the cat leaped down and ran off. “She’s not a dumb dog. She likes being pet one way.”

“I guess I’m kind of picky, too.” Viktor said. “Potya and I are trying to figure each other out. Makkachin’s trying to be her friend, too.”

Makkachin got excited and spun around quickly at her name, and she smacked her head on the table.

“Makka!” Yuuri exclaimed. She panted and still happily came to them. As Yuuri pet her, he added to Viktor,

“Both of you are a bit hard to figure out.”

Viktor started to pet the dog, too, and he played with her ears and started to rile her up. As he spoke in Russian to her, he encouraged her to bark back to him.

Yuuri jumped a little the first loud woof, and then pretended that he didn’t flinch.

I’ve had my own dog before. Why does that startle me so much? He wondered. Viktor’s going to hurt his head more being loud like that and exciting the animals. Yurio’ s probably going to be yelling over the dog any moment now.

Yuuri stood up to get a drink, and leaped back as the cat swiped at him from around the corner of the island.

“ごめんね!” Yuuri backed up as Poya hissed. “We startled each other.”

Yurio picked up a toy mouse from the floor with his feet and threw it towards Puma Tiger Scorpion to distract her away from Yuuri. She got close to the ground, wiggled her behind and pounced on it.

As Viktor blew his nose, Yurio complained,

“You’re more mucus than man,”

Viktor laughed.

“Perhaps,”

“Don’t get your snottiness in my snapchat,” Yurio mocked as he posed in front of his phone and took a picture.

“Who are you talking to~?” Viktor loudly asked.

“Beka,” said Yurio as he dragged a cat sticker onto the picture.

“Oooh!” The sudden loudness from Viktor made Yuuri jump a bit as he walked back into the room, and he nearly spilled the drink. He looked on the floor, unsure if maybe he did actually spill.

Yurio scrunched up his nose at Yuuri who blushed, wishing he wasn’t so jumpy. He was a bit anxious, so it was extra bad today.

“He’s just a friend,” Yurio insisted.

“But he’s your best friend and he’s so kind,” said Viktor, not wanting to pick on Yurio too much. “Send one of Yuuri and I,” Viktor motioned Yuuri over.

“Viktor, we don’t have to bother them—“

“We’re just going to invite him over again!” Viktor insisted. He beamed as he posed with his fiancé.

Yurio groaned but held out his phone to take a picture anyway.

Yuuri let Viktor put his arm around him and made a victory sign while smiling uncomfortably.

As Yurio put the phone back in his lap, Yuuri nervously admitted,

“I never know how to pose in photos,”

“Is that why you never take selfies?” asked Yurio. “I mean, I understand, but that’s sad. I thought it was just because you hate how you look.”

Viktor laughed and leaned into Yuuri.

“You’re getting better at taking selfies with me,”

“Yeah, when you move my head a million times and tell me what to do.” Yuuri blushed.

“It’s so sad. There are hardly any fun pictures of you as a teenager!” Viktor complained and clung onto his fiancé. “I want to know what you were like back then.”

“I’m sure you can imagine what I was like,”

“But I still don’t know as much about you as you do about me. You were paying attention my posts back then, and I still do throwback selfies all of the time to remind everyone,” Viktor pulled up his instagram and showed Yuuri. “Look at this one. It tells you all kinds of things about me!”

“Oh my god, what are you doing?” Yuuri squinted at the picture. “Why do you have a weird picture like that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen this.”

“If you’re a drunk teenager and practising stretches out near foreign landmarks, take a selfie!” Viktor smiled. “I had a flip phone back then!”

“That’s ridiculous. You could’ve gotten in so much trouble!” Yuuri insisted. “Also, why did you need to take a picture?”

“For fun, Yuuri!” Viktor insisted. “Memories!”

“It makes sense to me,” said Yurio, pulling up his Instagram pictures. “After riding around with Beka after a concert, we found some cool graffiti so we just posed for a selfie. For the moment of it all, you know? We made sure his motorcycle was in the picture, too.” Yurio showed Viktor and Yuuri the photo.

“For the moment, yes,” said Viktor. “But that’s just being punk. You’re not even by real art! You’ll never remember where that was.”

Viktor turned to Yuuri and added,

“My picture makes much more sense.”

“Grafitti’s real art!” Yurio argued.

“No, no,” Viktor brushed off the idea. “It would count if you were by the Eiffel Tower or something, but that’s ridiculous.”

“It was a ridiculous scenario to start!”

“Yurio, you’re holding beer cans on the back of a motorcycle in America,” Yuuri pointed out as he studied the photo. “You can’t give away that you’re breaking the law like that and…Is Otabek a good driver?”

“He’s fine,” Yurio looked annoyed and embarrassed.

“Now, I know it’s fun sometimes, but I do agree with where Yuuri’s taking this,” Viktor smiled. “I’d rather drive you 2 around, so just let me know if you ever want a ride!”

“We’re fine on our own,” said Yurio. “We don’t need you.”

“No, really,” said Yuuri. “It’s no trouble. I’d rather you had an adult take you.”

“We’re plenty adult,” Yurio argued. “We’ll be fine.”

“You’re not adults,” Yuuri frowned.

“Are you worried that we’ll embarrass you?” asked Viktor.

Yurio loudly argued something in Russian, and Yuuri turned to Viktor, concerned.

“Yuri, we’re just looking out for you.” Viktor insisted, starting to get serious.

Yurio continued to speak Russian.

“English,” Yuuri reminded him. “I can’t help you if I can’t understand you.”

“This has nothing to do with you! I’m talking to Viktor!”

“No, no,” Viktor gestured over to Yuuri. “We’re getting married, and we make decisions together. You cannot try to get your way just through me.”

“This isn’t about getting my way,” Yurio insisted. “It’s about you 2 thinking you can control me!”

“All I said was that I’d give you a ride!” argued Viktor. “You should be thankful that we’re willing to do that! Nothing against Otabek’s family, but they’re probably not as willing to do things for him as we are!”

“You are so full of yourself!”

“And you are spoiled with your freedom! You spend all of your time doing exactly what you want to reach your goals!”

“Listen, I don’t have to be here putting up with this. For the most part you guys are nice and all, but you’re starting to PISS ME OFF!”

Makkachin got excited and joined in, barking.

“This is ridiculous,” Viktor touched his temples. “Go to your room and clear your head. I’ll talk with you more about this later.”

Yurio huffed and simply ignored Viktor.

“Yurio, Viktor told you to do something.” Yuuri said softly.

Viktor stood up and grabbed Yurio by his wrist, but the adolsecent just pulled away.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Can you straighten up?” Yuuri asked. “Viktor’s sick and doesn’t need this. You don’t know how much we do for you.”

“He doesn’t seem like he’s fevering or anything,”

Yuuri couldn’t help but find Yurio’s english cute, but he continued.

“He doesn’t feel well, and —“

“Yuuri…” Viktor touched Yuuri’s arm, wanting him to calm down.

“Hey, he doesn’t need to validate this to you. We expect some understanding and compassion,”

“I wasn’t trying to accuse you 2 of lying about him being sick, okay?” Yurio stood up. “Don’t be so sensitive. You’re reading into a stupid comment too much.”

“We care about what you have to say!” argued Yuuri. “Your thoughts matter.”

“Listen, I know Vikor’s been having problems and —“

“Yuri. We’re done talking for now,” Viktor folded his arms. “Do what I said. We’ll talk about all of this later.”

“Why don’t I get to know what���s going on around here?” asked Yurio. “I’m not completely unaware. I’m not a kid, Viktor!”

“You’re acting like one,”

“I’m acting like one? You never take me seriously!”

“You need to change your attitude. You are being such a brat!” Yuuri scolded. “Stop talking back to us! You don’t need to have the last word.”

“Fuck you, I don’t even care. Why would I be trying to associate myself with you any longer than I have to?” asked Yurio. “You’re so humiliating.” As Yurio finally turned to go to his room like he was told, he shoved Yuuri.

Standing calmly, Viktor yelled,

“YURI PLISETSKY. GET OVER HERE.”

Yurio turned around with his hands in his pockets.

“What is it this time, you old fuck?” asked Yurio. “You forget already that you told me to go to my room?”

Yuuri stood absolutely still and watched as Viktor slapped Yurio with the back of his hand.

“That was no way to behave,” said Viktor. Makkachin jumped up and down on the 2 of them.

“You will apologise to Yuuri later,” ordered Viktor. “You’re grounded.”

“So what? I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,”

“Do you want your grandfather to hear about the trouble you’re causing us?”

Not knowing what to do in an attempt to assert dominance, Yurio spit.

“That was absolutely disgusting,” said Viktor, losing his poise a bit as he moved his hand to support his back. “That does add on to your punishment.”

“What’s my fokken punishment, Viktor?” Yurio rolled his eyes and made a breathy sigh. He kicked the table while leaning backwards with his hands in his pockets.

“Give me what’s coming to me,” Yurio grinned. “I’m not afraid of you. Why would I be?”

Yurio, however, looked completely shook.

“Sit down,” instructed Viktor. “Yuuri, can you give us some privacy? I think our selfish kitten deserves some for the little chat we’re about to have before I take disciplinary action.” Viktor folded his arms.

Yuuri nodded, scared himself after seeing Viktor have to act so strict.

“Y-yes, sir!”

Yurio made a slight mocking noise at Yuuri as grabbed his coat, hurried outside and took out his phone to call his mother.

[rainbowravioli]

Do you have any fanfic recommendation especially with Yuri!!! ON ICE and Voltron? I think you have a good taste because your meta analyses are always a great read. Aside from art, do you also write fics? Sorry for the many asks. Thank you!

Awwwww you flatter me anon! I never really wrote fics. Well ok, not entirely true, I wrote some pieces for friends in the past. I’m really really insecure over the idea of writing in something that’s not my native language. I still mess up English a lot. You know anxiety and all that.

Don’t apologise for sending asks, I’m always happy to get them. I’m sorry I took a while to reply, but I was compiling a list and I don’t have an ao3 account so tracking down fic I previously read is a bit difficult! 

About Voltron fics. Since I don’t engage with the general fandom much and stay in my safe corner, most of what I have to rec is Sheith. I don’t know if you ship Sheith, so here’s my non-sheith recs (if you do though, feel free to come back and ask for my recs on that)

Give Them Shelter by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)

Have some freakin’ gen fluff, you goddamn animals. In response to Day 15 of legendarydesvender’s Inktober

The paladins explore the castle and do adorable some team bonding.

Making the Rounds by Kiaxet

When Shiro has trouble dealing with his past with the Galra, he heads to engineering for company. Pidge and Hunk…aren’t quite sure what to do when he just…hovers. (Cuddles. Cuddles forever.)

Very sweet and amazingly in-character “team looks after Shiro” piece.

the fear of falling by amillionsmiles

Keith can pull off a downward spiral. It’s the kind of maneuver he does in his sleep.

Brilliant character study and backstory exploration of Keith. 

i miss you sideways daily by amillionsmiles

“I know how it is,” she sighs fondly, snatching up the empty plastic bags from the table and throwing them in the trash as they exit the cafeteria. “The three of you just zoom off to your own little world sometimes.”

“As long as we come back, right, Mom?” Katie teases, already thinking of next year, when she’ll don the orange and white uniform as well.

Her mom smiles, rising on her toes to kiss Matt’s cheek, pinching Katie’s side with her other hand.

“As long as you come back.”

(or: Katie and Pidge and her family. Before, after, and from now on.)

Outstanding, well paced, super emotional character study! The incorporation of science and technology in the story is brilliant. 

Your Princess Is In Another Castle by VelkynKarma

Part of the paladin’s mission is to spread peace and diplomacy. Allura has trained for years to be exceptional at it, in all situations.

A perfect demonstration of the importance of Allura’s role (with bonus importance of Shiro’s political role as the Black Paladin) and how utterly amazing she is.

Fragile Atlas by Pie Badger

Stranded on an unknown planet, Shiro struggles with the ramifications of Zarkon being able to take control of the Black Lion.

Shiro and Black talking and bonding over shared pain.

As for Yuri on Ice, I had a previous rec list here (x). Here’s more, under the cut because it gets really long

Complete

Like a Fairytale - lucycamui

In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his ‘Cinderella’ Yuuri.(And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he’s doing).

“The crown prince of the Nikiforov kingdom, infatuated with a mystery pastry chef he’s only just met. This is exactly the kind of scandalous love story my life has been missing… So, what’s he look like? What exactly is Prince Victor’s type?”

“…Sweet.”

“Well, he does make pastries.“

This is super sweet, adorable fluff! Lovely, smooth, whimsical writing style that really had me feeling like I was reading a fairytale. The whole thing just melted my heart. It’s also really funny.

Beside the Dancing Sea - lily_winterwood

He’s finally here in this lovely and quiet little beach cottage, and the rest of the year seems to stretch out infinitely before him. Time will pass, though, and it will pass faster than he realises, but in the meantime he will stop worrying about writer’s block and deadlines and not even having the foggiest clue what his next novel’s going to be about, and live.New York Times-bestselling author Viktor Nikiforov arrives in the sleepy seaside town of Torvill Cove to cure his writer’s block. After encountering local wallflower Yuuri Katsuki at a party, he discovers that this mysterious dark-haired man has a couple secrets up his sleeve.And Viktor will be damned if he doesn’t find out just what those secrets are.

This fic emotionally drained me and ruined my sleeping schedule. I adore it! It just has all these elements that I love so I may be biased, but I really feel like the writing is beautiful and evocative and the take of the mythology is very unique and heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time and the whole story and character arcs are just really well-crafted. I wish this fic was an actual original novel so that I could buy and keep in my shelf forever.

Wanted: Skating Lessons - slightlied

Hi. I am Victor and I need to learn how to skate before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get skating lessons every week for the last fifteen years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on marble busts instead. Now they want me to perform to ‘Stammi Vicino’ at their wedding anniversary on Saturday.

If you can teach me, be here at Ice Castle tomorrow at 7:27am with an extra pair of skates. I am a fast learner (well, at least my dog Makkachin is–it took me only two weeks to teach him how to roll over) so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly. In return, I can teach you how to say some pick-up lines in Russian or tell you some facts about my love life. Whichever you prefer. Not both, though.

Yours sincerely, Victor

PS. I’m a size 8

—

Or, Yuuri answers an ad he sees on Ice Castle’s community board.

This is adorable and really funny.

Twenty-Five Hours by 0lizzybennet0

In which Yuuri spends a 25 hour flight next to Victor Nikiforov, skating legend, and feels it might simultaneously be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him.

This fic messed with my heart beautifully. But I must warn, this is angst based on a misunderstanding/Yuuri deciding to be a big liar and taking the lie too far, so it’s certainly not for everyone since I know it’s a trope that a lot of people really dislike. That said, this has probably one of my favourite portrayals of the Victor/Yurio relationship I’ve ever read.

Here And Human by TreacherousGnome

aka ‘Viktor is a baby when he’s tired and Yuuri can’t *believe* that doesn’t bother him more’

This fic includes several things I’m weak to - filling the gaps in between episodes we didn’t get to see, Yuuri dealing with his growing feelings, mentions of the banquet that Yuuri doesn’t get, and literal sleeping together.

not gold like in your dreams by ebenroot

“Victor, you could have let some psychopath into your apartment.”

“Oh come on, he’s not a psychopath,” Victor chides. Christophe makes a gesture with his hand that says ‘are you seriously this naïve or are you drunk at work again?’.

“Victor, you don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him. Whose name am I going to give to the police or face I’m going to describe to the sketch artist when they find your body chopped up like Hannibal Lecter’s side dish?”

–

in which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret

This is the Penelope AU we deserve! Even though I knew the movie, this fic still kept me on the edge of my seat and messed with my emotions and had me both cheering and bursting into tears. Great pacing, great writing style. I love it enough that I’m willing to overlook that this is a villain!JJ fic.

The Tsesarevich lives! by mtothedestiel

An Anastasia AU. Victor is an orphan with no name, no family, and no memory of a time before he was ten years old. Could he really be the missing Nikiforov heir? An adventure across Europe with two conmen will lead him to the answer.

I mean, entertaining the idea of an Anastasia AU for YoI is not hard if you’re a fan of both, but I always had reservations on how to execute it properly. This fic more than succeeded! It knows where to be faithful to the original and where to deviate, fixes a lot of the problems I had with the movie and even adds actual historical context and addresses the issues that come with it.

Unworthy by heartsdesire456

5 Times Victor Overheard People Saying Yuuri Wasn't Good Enough For Him and 1 Time Someone Told Him Yuuri Was Too Good For Him

My favourite fix-it fic for the finale, with Yuuri being a very accurate insecure mess, the world accurately doubting Victor’s intentions, Yuuri’s friends being amazing, Victor being smitten and Yuuri winning gold. I’m still amazed this was written before the finale because it has this one piece of dialogue that echoes it, except it’s much better. 

improbable by themorninglark

The first words Phichit Chulanont says to Seung Gil in over a year are, “You literally have only one photo on your Instagram.

This is probably my favourite characterisation of Seung Gil I’ve ever read and the whole thing is both funny and adorable.

if love is king, who wears the crown by Crollalanza

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?”

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it’s like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

Chris feels and Minako feels and just…my heart aches for both of them.

Ongoing

The Rules For Lovers by ADreamingSongbird

Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…

That’s a long story.

Suffer with me. In the best way possible. The writing is beautiful, the relationship build is so well paced, the setting is great with its mix of modern day, alternate history, magic and technology, even the OCs are brilliant. This fic is amazing, but god does it stress me out with its cliffhangers and the plot and political intrigue and suffering! I’m holding on to that “angst with a happy ending” tag to keep me going.

My Hero, Yuuri by Abarero

At the age of 23, Yuuri Katsuki is certain he’s just a dime-a-dozen hero that will never make a difference. Little does he know that the moment his path crosses with legendary hero, Victor Nikiforov, both of their lives will begin to change for the better.

A perfect combination of two things I love - Yuri on Ice and My Hero Academia. It mashes the two universes brilliantly, managing to keep tie-ins and references to both while still being very much it’s own (amazing) thing. It has made me laugh out loud and warmed my heart and manages to keep surprising me.

Trade Your Heroes For Ghosts by Naamah_Beherit

Having endured what was probably the worst day of his life followed by a night he does not remember, Yuuri wakes up with a hangover of the century and a desperate plea for the world to forget about his existence. Alas, the world has other plans.

So does a certain Russian skater.

Canon divergence where Yuuri and Victor keep contact immediately after the banquet and Yuuri is made aware that the banquet happened. This is beautifully written. It flows so nicely, especially the dialogue. The characterisation of both Yuuri and Victor makes my heart ache in the best possible way. I’m so eager to see where this one will take me!

empty spaces between stars by astudyinrose

Victor gets just as drunk as Yuuri at the Sochi Banquet, and they disappear together after the dance-offs. They wake up the morning after with rings on their fingers, and pictures of them kissing after getting married the night before are all over the tabloids… but neither of them remembers a thing. They decide to stay married for a while for the sake of Victor’s sponsorships, and in exchange, Victor coaches Yuuri through nationals…

Do you like fake relationships, slow burn and mutual pining? Do you like going through an emotional rollercoaster of one minute melting over how adorable and romantic a moment is to screaming at your screen in frustration the next? Then this fic is the one for you!

The Power of Love by kiaronna

“The two Japanese singles medalists make a beautiful pair! Here, at the 2009 Tokyo GPF, we have the start of this power couple’s reign!”Yuuko and Yuuri dominate the singles skating competition as Japan’s power couple—except they aren’t a couple, and when their old skating idol stumbles into their personal life, everything rapidly goes downhill.

A fic that includes Yuuko and focuses on her friendship with Yuuri is already a fic after my own heart. This is Victuuri, and although it’s dipped in the angst you would expect from massive miscommunication and assumptions (and the fabulous game of “how hard can Yuuri’s anxiety misread a situation” which kills me every time), it’s still so sweet and heartwarming. Though the angst destroys me. But my favourite part of this fic is the friendship. Not just between Yuuri and Yuuko, but also between Detroit trio once Phichit comes into the picture. It’s deep, loving friendship portrayed really well.

Fatum ad Momentum by maydei

These are the moments that were lost in the rush for the Gold, and the things that were built within them. A re-evaluation of everything, from day one, the real day one. From, “Be my coach, Victor!!” And how trust, friendship, and love were built from there. Through Victor’s eyes, the story unfolds—the journey and experience of knowing Yuuri.

Really lovely Victor, really interesting take on his POV and the series’ missing moments, and the Victor in Hasetsu scenes my heart has been craving. Just, the whole fic really warms my heart and it’s an absolute joy to read.

[vocaotome]

A META ON THE CRAZINESS THAT IS KATSUKI YUURI AND HIS STUBBORN ASS SET ON RETIRING

I’ve seen a lot of people write metas on wtf actually happened during the last 2 episodes of Yuri!!! on ICE and Yuuri’s frustrating decision to retire, but so far I haven’t managed to 100% agree with any of them so I wrote my own! 

In this meta I’ll try to answer the following questions (and no, “anxiety made him do it!!!” isn’t a magic answer), discussing almost everything solely from Yuuri’s POV:

-When exactly did Yuuri start seriously considering retirement? And why? Why didn’t he consider the option of working under another coach?

-Why did he decide to tell Victor only the day before the final, even though Victor deserved to know it much earlier as his coach and boyfriend?

-Why did he buy pair rings and exchange them in a location that clearly expressed his romantic intentions towards Victor when on the next day he was planning to ask Victor to go back to Russia, ending their professional relationship and severely straining the personal one?

Okay, so you guys remember the first episode?

Yuuri is NOT a quitter. Boy is actually competitive as fuck, and he actually gets annoyed when people automatically assume that he’s weak enough to freak out and retire over one failure. He isn't thinking of retirement here yet, but still he’s grieving for Vicchan and is highly upset over his performance. At this point he didn’t have any solid plans about the exact path to take., and after he fucks up and fails to qualify for worlds, he severs his bonds with Celestino but he still doesn’t completely given up.  

For the next few months Yuuri is frustrated intensely by the fact that he finally got be on the same playing field as his idol and made a complete mess of that chance, and it’s not possible for him to think of stopping at such a low point. He fights his depressed feelings by skating Stammi Viccino with a thought process that was probably something like “if I can skate Victor’s routine I probably still am worth something, right?”  When he skates the routine in front of Yuko he still is trying to be positive, and if left alone he probably would’ve chosen to continue skating even without any outside intervention, though it would’ve taken him some time to finish his soul-searching.  We’ll never know, because soon after that Victor appears, dick out in the onsen and all, and offers to be his coach and he's like fkhdgsfkdfj!!!

Before I continue further let me classify three facets of Victor that we see in this show: 

Victor the skater, Victor the coach, and Victor the person. 

When Yuuri interacts with Victor in ep2 he’s mostly treating Victor as the first one, the idol he has always looked up to, and his initial reaction is glee and joy because Victor! Freaking! Nikiforov! says I inspired him! He's so close to me!!! I get to see him skate at my childhood rink!!! What a time to be alive!

But with Victor here, new problems arise. Yuuri actually has to pick concrete, timed goals now instead of just “someday”, and as one of my friends at the yoi discord server pointed out, Yuuri tends to get nervous when shit gets real, and having your lifelong idol as your coach is as real as things get. To make things worse, Victor starts to appear inconsistent in his offer to help. Mid ep2 he proposes the Onsen on Ice event that would decide which Yuri’s request he prioritizes. Considering how Yuuri treated him kinda distantly after he dropped everything to answer Yuuri's request to coach him, this might be him trying to see if Yuuri really wants him here (something like “Was he not serious when he asked me to be his coach? I’m not forcing into his life without his consent, am I?”), and/or him being salty, and/or him trying to rouse Yuuri’s competitive spirit. But let’s ignore that since Victor isn’t the focus here. 

Look at Yuuri’s face when Victor says “Sure” to Yurio’s declaration about what he wants if he wins (Victor going back to Russia with him and becoming his coach). Him agreeing to return to Russia if Yurio wins really shook Yuuri up, I think. Making Yuuri compete for Victor even though Victor had declared that he's gonna be Yuuri’s coach just in the last episode made Victor appear to be an amazingly flighty guy who changes his mind very easily, from Yuuri’s perspective. (I thought the same back then, ngl. I know he had faith that Yuuri would win and the Nishigoris’ comments had also convinced him that using Yuuri’s competitiveness is a good idea, but why even put that up to chance??? Can you imagine the mess it would’ve turned into if Yurio won?) 

It made him think that amazing as Victor may be, he can disappear at any point if Yuuri makes a mistake (way to convince the poor guy of your sincerity, Victor =.=), and he shouldn’t expect Victor to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary- which, he assumes, would be the Grand Prix Final.

The earliest he mentions retirement is mid ep2, then he confirms it again in ep3 at the end of Onsen on Ice (thoroughly confusing because dude you just won??? why???), and towards the end of ep4 he talks about this season being his last again. He's still bitter over Sochi, he desperately wants to properly utilize the short time Victor will be by his side to redeem himself this season since our boy is hella competitive. He refuses to go down as the skater who qualified for the final only once and retired after fucking up. He doesn’t begrudge Victor for not promising a long-term commitment because Victor’s the living legend, of course he needs to go back eventually. But while he’s here Yuuri wants to learn all he can from Victor, and express that through his own skating, so that he can both regain his own pride and prove to the world that Victor's precious time wasn’t wasted.

Now one may ask, why not continue even longer then??? He’s 23 at this point and doesn’t have any injuries holding him back, so he can still go for several years. 

Because continuing means there's another chance of messing up. He might be able to do well this season, he knows that it’s very unlikely to do as bad as Sochi. But if he continues for a longer time without Victor by his side he might do worse than this season and he doesn't want that. He wants to leave on a high note. He tries to convince himself winning a gold with Victor's help is the most he can do, setting a bigger goal is like setting himself up for failure, LET'S PLAY IT SAFE.

A part of him probably must be pissed by this because Yuuri hates compromises, just look at his face in the above pic when he’s told to downgrade his free skate, no wonder he doesn’t obey Victor in the end. But his low self-esteem and anxiety manage to convince him somehow that no matter how much he hones his skills, there’s no telling when his nerves will betray him, so he shouldn’t bite off more than he can chew. 

Over the course of the series his confidence grows and he begins to regain his love for skating, but it's still not enough to make him rethink his plans to retire. He now views Victor with an exasperated fondness as the latter takes baby steps towards being a good coach and they manage to be a good team, and he no longer thinks Victor is flighty enough to randomly leave (as proven in his “I know!” during the garage scene when Victor tries to convince that he wasn’t serious in his threat to resign), but they never had a proper conversation about their future plans after the GPF and he has no reason to think Victor, the living legend, will completely give up his chance to go back to skating. 

(This pic is here simply because it’s too pure for this world and needs to be included in every meta post.)

Yuuri also gets to know Victor as a person during this period and after the cup of China their relationship takes a more intimate turn, but while that bolsters his confidence in some ways, it also gives him a new reason to panic. He had always been ready to let go of Victor the coach at the end of GPF, but when the Makkachin thing happens and they're forced to stay apart, he's hit full force by the extent of his yearning for Victor and and is torn by the idea of losing both Victor the coach and Victor the person in near future. 

When they were reuniting in ep9, Yuuri’s request to take care of him until he retires kinda confused me tbh because Yuuri knows that Victor definitely is staying until GPF at least??? I saw the scene as him being kinda desperate and not thinking very clearly at that moment. I think he was actually planning to explain his reasoning for retirement and then ask Victor to be his coach until he retired, but he ended up doing the second part first, resulting in a case of word vomit that from Victor’s POV sounds very much like a request "please say that you want to stay forever" (and is probably the true wish in Yuuri’s heart that he will not allow himself to want). He doesn’t backtrack on his words, which probably is because he probably thinks that Victor also expects him to retire at the end of this season (after worlds), Chris did say there were rumors of Yuuri’s retirement circling around. Otherwise this seems like an overly aggressive demand like "please give up your skating career for mine", since he hasn't told Victor about how soon he plans to retire yet? I don’t think Yuuri would do that on purpose, and probably doesn’t realize how Victor took his words until the next moment.

Note that when Victor wishes that Yuuri never retires before Yuuri has a chance to bring up his plans of early retirement and makes him lose the chance to explain himself by showing giddiness at the prospect of being able to coach him indefinitely, Yuuri gets teary. This is him realizing that yes, Victor is indeed willing to give up his career for Yuuri ("killing" Victor the skater), Victor is willing to make such a sacrifice because of the personal connection they've developed. That's why he's so bold and downright cheeky in ep10, because he's convinced that Victor the person is willing to be by side for a long time. 

But he also doesn't want Victor to do it like that, Victor the skater was the one who brought them together in the first place and Yuuri loves him. Yuuri is also unaware of Victor's internal troubles, lack of L&L and everything, and has no idea just how much Victor has been enjoying teaching him compared to the time he was competing. A selfish part of Yuuri simply wants to see Victor on the ice regardless of all circumstances, so I think he might have tried to convince Victor even if he did know. (I personally don’t think his decision to let Victor go is influenced by outside influences, as it’s been proven in ep6 Yuuri can be selfish in a good way and he doesn’t give a shit about unrelated people’s opinion at all. Yuuri himself wants to see Victor skate again, and he’s under the belief that Victor wants the same but is making an emotional decision to do otherwise.)

Yuuri also suffers from imposter syndrome often, and it’s possible that he is convinced that retiring for the sake of "someone like Yuuri" is a massive sacrifice Victor would regret later, and he doesn't want to fuck up their personal relationship if Victor looks back at this decision in the future and feels that Yuuri forced him to retire. So Yuuri cuts off the possibility of that happening by finalizing (almost) his decision to retire, despite how much he still wants to skate and wants to do it by Victor's side. This way even if Victor decides to retire for some reason (Yuuri probably can’t imagine any except age), at least it won’t be Yuuri’s fault.

I was confused why he went for "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna retire" instead of "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna continue with a different coach since I don't wanna hold you back". After some brainstorming, I think letting Victor go and continuing under another coach is a very unappealing option to him for multiple reasons: he’s simply too attached to Victor the coach, even with his flawed ways Victor was still the best thing specifically for Yuuri. Both of them have a co-dependency problem, and Yuuri is aware of his own issues though doesn’t realize how it’s equally bad for both him and Victor. Russia cup proved to him that he can still survive without Victor and isn’t helpless, but he still isn’t confident that he won’t do worse in the next season if he becomes cut off from Victor’s constant, intimate support. Competing under a different coach would definitely do that, with the only possible exception being maybe Yakov...But that’s still too much of a long shot and depends on a bunch of different things (Will Yakov accept a skater from a rival country? Will Victor be allowed to be with Yuuri to give him mental support when he has no official reason to?). If you accept my theory that he wants to go out with a bang, continuing for another season under such unsure and less ideal environment than his current one is too big of a risk for Yuuri without enough reward. EDIT: This meta offers one other plausible reason, which is the possible financial issues Yuuri would have to face if he doesn’t do well enough during his post-Victor years and ends up only damaging his image and losing sponsors. It makes sense considering Yuuri’s tendency to not realize his own potential, it’s possible that sponsors are more than ready to look past his previous season’s failure and totally want to support Japan’s Ace who represented Japan in the GPF two years in a row, but Yuuri would fail to realize that and be much more nervous about being dropped.

Let’s mess up the ep order for a bit to talk about Yuuri and his standards. These are his thoughts during his FS on ep9.

Since he doesn’t believe in himself enough to think he has that much more to offer, he just wants to reach the highest possible goal he thinks is possible for him and stop. This is kinda hilarious yet sad, because Yuuri’s true aim is actually much, much higher. Throughout the whole series it’s clear that ever since the time he used to copy routines together with Yuko, his standards for skating have all been based on Victor. Yuuri has always wanted to be on the same level as Victor, and it doesn’t even end at that.

He wanted to surpass Victor, and even last year (when Victor was still competing!) he had actually aimed for the gold even though he never declared it. But it truly is such a high goal that he can’t say that to anyone, and is mocked by Nishigori when it slips out. This probably why Yuuri admires Yurio, who is a tiny bean but has the guts to declare what Yuuri can’t bring himself to. 

There’s one thing that my thoughts are still unclear about. Yuuri’s original goal wasn’t actually just the gold medal itself (the physical item and the status that comes with it), but the idea of facing Victor, his inspiration, as a true equal. When Yuuri said that he wanted to have Victor step down as a coach in ep9, I first thought that he wanted it because he wanted to go against Victor next season, and was surprised when it turned out to not be the case. This skating season will always be lowkey unsatisfying for Yuuri because Victor is not in it, despite how much he respects his other competitors. In Yuuri’s mind Victor >>>>everyone, so I would expect him to be super frustrated if he retires right before Victor returns, allowing the opportunity to face Victor again slip away. The only reason I can think is deep rooted Sochi trauma that whispers to him that he won’t ever be able to surpass Victor no matter how much struggles for it, and this season is the only time he’ll be able to get the gold. (EDIT: as mentioned above, financial uncertainty might also play a role.)

The two dominating traits that make up Yuuri are so strangely contradictory, but they work together to mess him up: his pride as a hard worker makes him aim for the very best and refuse to do anything half-assedly, and his low self-esteem punishes him if he slips even just a little bit from the extremely high standards he has set for himself. Yuuri has too many conflicting desires as well-he loves Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater. He needs all of them but he knows he can't (he's not Victor level extra™ yet), so he chooses to let go of Victor the coach which he thinks will distress Victor the least. (ding ding! WRONG CHOICE) 

Before he does this, he gets the rings which confused me at first because dude, you're planning to practically FIRE Victor tomorrow, is this the right time??? Then I realized that it's possible that the rings both serve their original purpose of being good luck charms and also a statement to Victor that although Yuuri is breaking off their professional relationship, he doesn't want to let go of Victor completely, they are connected by more than just their bond as a coach and a skater. If we look at it like that this was the perfect time to make the statement Yuuri did, nothing softens the blow of huge decision bombs more than trading wedding rings in front of a chapel with a choir singing in the background. XD Also it might not be very clear at first glance, but Yuuri is SHIT at being empathetic. He definitely doesn’t realize how distressing it would be for Victor to be suddenly told “go back to Russia and compete” and the amount of emotional pain he’d experience from being forced into a long-distance relationship without prior notice. Yuuri becomes so caught up in his head that he often fails (remember poor Minami in ep5?) to realize how his decisions can impact others. He’s just satisfied that he has made his intentions clear, and is being lowkey arrogant (even though he doesn’t mean to) that he knows what Victor wants. He probably does know that it would at least ruin the lovey-dovey atmosphere they have going at this moment, so he delays delivering the bad news as much as he can.

However, I think the revelation that he had gotten drunk and danced in the Sochi banquet might have had something to do with his performance the next day. Victor had told him to “Skate the way you like best” just earlier, but instead of doing that he ended up being so obsessed with technical points that he lost points in presentation (just a touch down in the flip won’t lower his score that much). His anxiety might have made him interpret things badly, like “omg I thought Victor came to coach me because he found me inspiring, but in truth it was something else”. Depending on whether he saw all the pics or not/whether he learned about “Be my coach, Victor~”, the “something else” he suspects can be a bunch of things, like Victor found him comical/Victor just wanted sex etc. Anyhow, it might be possible that at the start of ep11 he is afraid that Victor doesn’t think of him seriously as a skater despite Victor’s fondness for him as an individual. Being a skater is a part of Yuuri’s identity that won’t go away even if he retires, his efforts and his accomplishments are a reflection of the person he has been until this point, of his hard-working personality and his dedication. The idea of just being regarded as the funny drunk who made Victor curious would crush him. (This whole paragraph is just my speculation though, I don’t have any evidence for this part.)

I don't think his failure in his SP did much in regards to his plan to retire, the only thing it did was make him more upset than normal because he knows that this is his very last chance to redeem himself and any small mistake is unrecoverable. There’s no “next time”.

However, a bunch of other things did happen to convince him that sending Victor back to the ice was the right choice. Victor kept observing the skaters with far more interest than we’ve ever seen him do, and Yuuri interprets that as Victor longing to go back to competing himself. This is a hasty judgement on Yuuri’s part because Victor never said anything about that. Even after the anime has ended we don’t really know what he was truly thinking then. Even the story writer Kubo has mentioned that she hadn’t decided on what Victor’s thoughts really were, but from the way it was presented (look at his smile! wide, bright eyes!), personally I felt like Victor was less jealous of the other skaters and more appreciative of their unique strengths, the way a coach would be. I do think Victor is being innocently insensitive here, because he really should’ve realized that his gushing might be interpreted differently by Yuuri (even Sara, who was sitting beside them, stared at Victor at this).

I'm kinda glad JJ fucked up his SP (sorry JJ! You're still the king!) because that actually helped Yuuri regain his self-esteem a bit, he couldn't look down on himself from past year without also looking down on JJ, and Yuuri has always been kinder to others than he has been on himself. 

But that still doesn't change his plans to retire, rather it makes him sort of complacent. "I've done well enough, this is as far as I can go, I'll do my best tomorrow and hopefully get the gold now that JJ is a lesser threat, so that I can redeem myself and prove to everyone that Victor didn't waste his time on me". The part of him that hates to compromise must be screaming but the stress from the competition and his anxiety is working together to push it down. 

He shares his plans with Victor that night and is confused at Victor being upset enough to cry, because isn't this the best choice? Doesn’t Victor also want the same thing?? Because of his imposter syndrome issue and his blindness to his own potential he doesn't understand why Victor feels Yuuri quitting is such a shame. 

Like I mentioned before, Yuuri is convinced that Victor was originally planning to stay only until the end of GPF and later changed his mind to stay longer for emotional reasons that Yuuri doesn’t support. Victor is right when he says Yuuri is selfish, he never took Victor’s perspective into account when making his decisions, his focus was on doing what he needed to do to protect his own glass heart. (I find it fascinating how Yuuri doesn't MEAN to be mean -pun, haha- but he ends up doing just that very often because he doesn't have the mental space to care about other people's feelings. Also if my hypothesis on Yuuri taking the Sochi banquet revelation as a negative thing is true, he probably feels like that Victor doesn’t really respect Yuuri’s abilities as a skater as much Yuuri would like him to despite how close they are personally, so he might be lowkey bitter.“You came to Hasetsu to date me and you still can do that, y u so mad”. Also if he knows about the ‘be my coach Victor’ thing, he probably thinks that his drunken appeal was the main reason behind Victor’s decision, not his talent like he had hoped.)

I do think Victor is also to blame for the fact that Yuuri was able to hide his intentions for this long. If Victor was planning to stay with Yuuri for a long time, he should’ve sat together with Yuuri and discussed their plans for the next season waaay before this. Too bad we don’t see the details of their argument afterwards.

Right before his FS Victor tries to be nice and supportive despite how frustrated he is (bless you Victor baby you’re so in love), and Yuuri calls him out on it. He knows Victor is not a conventional coach. He’s savage in his taunts but overly adoring in his praise, and the safe, predictable encouragement he first tried didn’t feel genuine enough to Yuuri, so he complains.

I don’t want to discuss Victor’s POV because that’s not this post’s focus, but I believe Victor was trying to play it safe until this moment because he didn’t want a repeat of China cup and freak Yuuri out. Here Victor is starting to realize that when Yuuri says he wants Victor to be himself, he wants the whole package deal- Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater. 

Remember this scene from ep10? See the similarity? Here Yuuri is being all “let me have my dorky boyfriend, you don’t need to act professional just because you’re also my coach”.

Similarly, in ep12, I think the message he’s trying to give is, “Victor the coach has crazy-ass standards because Victor the skater is OP as fuck, don’t stop being your unreasonable self just on my account, I’m not that weak”. Let’s go back to ep5 for a bit to see just how unreasonable Victor really is.

(I’ll let you know that the subs missed the word “at least”. Victor wanted Yuuri to “score in the hundreds at least”. CRAZY MAN.)

Back to ep12. Here Victor sees that Yuuri is actually ready for criticism, that he’s feeling lonely and out of his element because of Victor’s gentleness instead of seeking comfort in it. Yuuri hates being seen as weak (as evidenced in his refusal to heed Victor’s advice to downgrade his jumps in ep5), and Victor decides to take a leap of faith and give Yuuri exactly what Yuuri wanted- a friendly taunt accompanied by positive reinforcement (win and I’ll kiss your gold medal) instead of negative like his failed attempt in china (fail and I’ll resign). It was his way of showing Yuuri the believes in Yuuri even more than Yuuri believes in himself, just how Yuuri asked him to back in ep7.

He uses the word “break”, hinting to Yuuri that he might return (thus giving Yuuri a hint that regardless of how he does in the FS, he won’t need to feel responsible for Victor’s decision), and also the phrase “warm-up mode” (implying that he still believes that everything Yuuri has done so far still isn’t his best, and he can do more). His tone throughout the speech is teasing, not like “why do you suck so bad”, rather “I can’t believe someone so damn good that I, THE LIVING LEGEND, chose him hasn’t won yet, this is ridiculous, give me your 100%”. Yuuri notices that and cracks up, look at him so happy. ;;

“Oh my god my boyfriend/coach/idol is so ridiculous in his demands, I love this man”

And Yuuri goes and skates a flawless program, and gives Victor that 100% he had asked for. There are a couple things to note in his monologue during his routine, many of which are the basis for the earlier parts of this post. Although he tweaked his routine for a higher difficulty, he doesn’t obsess over the points this time, he just clears his mind and focuses on presenting his tribute to all the love in his life, Victor being featured in a considerable portion of it.  

During this last chance, he finally once again chases the goal he had given up since Sochi, to be on equal standing as Victor. He also admits that he doesn’t truly want to stop, and wants to continue skating with Victor and his loving support.

But he can’t keep Victor the coach without killing Victor the skater, so he chooses to let the former go. 

However, he does greatly love and appreciate Victor the coach, so he’s determined to display the results of Victor’s efforts through his skating, to all the people who have kept mocking Victor about him not being serious enough.

Once his performance is over, Yuuri is glad that he managed to give his 100% and didn’t let his nerves get the better of him, but it distraught because this is the end. (Still no explanation why he has to retire himself, though)

Or so he thinks. Yuuri is forced to rethink his life choices when he ends up breaking Victor’s world record.

Look at his expression here. Like “HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GIVE MY 100%?!” Even Yuuri, with his massive self-esteem issues, can’t help but see his own potential at this point. Undermining himself after he has broken Victor’s world record is basically undermining Victor himself, and Yuuri would rather jump off a cliff before that. The only thing that could make him happier was being able to truly be on the same playing field as Victor which becomes a possibility when Victor hints to a desire to return to skating competitively.

Victor’s body language in these frames is so important here. I think Victor has realized by this point that unless he gets the chance to face Victor as an equal, Yuuri will never get complete closure and get past his perceived failure from the previous year. Victor doesn’t just glomp Yuuri, he first shakes Yuuri's hand and then pulls him into a one-armed hug.  Yuuri’s being shown that he’s being taken seriously as a fellow skater, congratulated with a formal handshake by Victor the skater, not just his coach+ boyfriend. Even when he does hug Yuuri, he’s still holding onto Yuuri’s hand. Look how ecstatic Yuuri is when Victor claims that Yuuri breaking his record was "ultimate diss as a competitor". Just look at that smile. "I MANAGED TO GET VICTOR TO CONSIDER RETURNING" is so much more important to him than "I MIGHT GET A GPF GOLD".  My guess is that until now he simply didn't think he could accomplish anything special by continuing, but not only does he feel more hopeful about what he can do, but Victor appreciates him as a competitor! Hurrah! Since he’s Katsuki Yuuri the king of lowkey assholes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought something like “Victor is feeling frustrated because of me! I want to frustrate him more by breaking his world record again if he manages to take it back!”

Note how Yuuri doesn't worry about the score of the skaters who skated after him at all, no "oh crap if skater X gets more than this specific number of points I won't get the gold medal" which is odd since the gold medal was a real possibility at that moment, normally people would worry (like how JJ did about Otabek). It was like the gold medal itself mattered less to Yuuri than being on the same level as Victor. He managed to successfully skate a flawless program on the same difficulty level as Victor with a perfect quad flip as the cherry on top, and that was enough to calm him down for the moment.

The happenings of ep12 chip at his plan to retire bit by bit. Recognition from Victor as a worthy competitor convinces him that there might be worth in returning after all. Seeing abandoned Makkachin tissue box hits him with the reality that Victor won't be his coach anymore, it simultaneously breaks his heart and reminds him that he can make his dream to skate against again Victor a reality if he just fights against his self-deprecating notions a bit harder.

And of course Yurio's performance-during the later half of which we didn’t get Yuuri POV so I can't say exactly how, but it inspired him enough even before the results got announced. Each of the pics above have Yuuri's eyes sparkling indicating strong emotions (though you can't tell from the still screenshots).

I think the main two things Yurio manages to do are this:

1. Yuuri put his 100% into Yuri on ICE, but Yurio put his 120% in the way he added an extra quad and did many jumps with his hands raised. Remember, Yurio’s stamina is pretty meh, boy almost broke down after he was done. He shows Yuuri that his “I can’t do any better than this” thinking is BS, and Yuuri becomes curious what he himself can do if he continues and puts his 120% next time.

2. Yurio also showed to Yuuri in a shounen manga style that there are still many worthy opponents™ for him on the ice and he couldn’t afford to become complacent just because he had established a world record. Also Yurio changing up his jumps and overexerting himself to match Yuuri’s FS also shows him that he is also being regarded as a worthy opponent™ in Yurio’s eyes and gives him even more of a confidence boost. EDIT: This point is covered in more detail in this lovely meta also about Yuuri’s motivation behind not retiring!

2. Yurio gets the gold, and the loss of the gold medal by such a small margin simply lights a fire on Yuuri’s ass. XD 0.10 point is such a cursed amount, it’s so small that Yuuri can’t hate on himself for not performing well enough, but still it made him lose the gold. Though during the opening ceremony Yuuri looks more or less satisfied, the way he had been soooo close must have been vexing. 

TBH Yuuri’s main problem (at least imo) still hasn’t been solved at this point. If he continues, he will have to take on the challenge of competing without Victor’s constant support. But for the first time in a long time, he’s feeling confident enough to do it, and trying to at least do his part to lessen the co-dependency thing he and Victor have going on. 

I’ve seen people interpret this as Yuuri asking Victor to be his coach for one more year and I’m super confused, is it a dubbing issue? Because the sub shows it clearly that he asked Victor to continue skating, not coaching Yuuri. The Japanese sentence he says is “僕と一緒にあと一年競技生活続けてください=Please continue skating competitively (overly literal translation-‘competitive life’) together with me for one more year”. 

(Look at my baby. So confident. So beautiful. T^T)

He’s literally issuing Victor a challenge here, from one skater to another. Yuuri does still plan to let go of Victor the coach, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him, and plans to use what he learned from him to beat Victor the skater! Ironic and hilarious =D Victor is like YES GOOD I’m proud of you! Then he drops the bomb:

Yuuri is shook because this is more than he ever expected. Until now he was only confident about their personal relationship which was bound to become a least a bit strained when Victor returned to Russia, but now he’s getting everything he wants. Normally people would be worried that that’s too much for a person, but I guess Yuuri has such a high opinion of Victor that he immediately accepts that Victor can pull it off. This is one case where Yuuri’s hero-worshipping and lack of ability to see things from other people’s perspective is useful, lol. One other reason he isn’t blaming himself is that this is totally coming from Victor. Unlike last time where Victor agreed to drop his career in favor of Yuuri’s thanks to Yuuri’s poorly timed request, here Victor is taking on the extra load purely out of his own will. Competing separately would’ve definitely been better than just Yuuri retiring and Victor continuing, but the amount of time they could spend together on a personal level would’ve decreased either way ( depending on what Yuuri would’ve done after retiring/how his new coach would’ve managed his time). Victor is being selfish here, refusing to give up his pupil to another coach and not willing to end up in a long distance relationship with his boyfriend.

Victor makes it even easier for him by issuing his own challenge: I’ll work hard to keep your request but get me 5 gold medals from Worlds in return! While utterly ridiculous and halfway likely to not come true (there are so many possible unknowns-injuries,illnesses,family issues), the demand shows Yuuri the level of faith Victor has in him, and he agrees.

With that, Yuuri finally is assured that he will be able to physically stay by the side of his idol/coach/boyfriend for a long, long time, which is something they BOTH want, and that’s why he’s so calm and happy when they’re being lovey-dovey on the ice later at the exhibition. “Stay close to me”, indeed!

And with that I’m officially out of juice, phew. I’ll see if I can edit this later to make it more compact and improve the flow, I think I stated many points more than once because I tried to stay mostly chronological. 

ALL HAIL VICTUURI!!!

[sneezehq]

(Pt. 1) So I've been thinking. In Episode 1, Yuuri performs Viktor's free skate in Hasetsu. And once the video is touched on, we see a few characters watching it. And I noticed, Yurio, Mila, Geogi, and Yakov were at the rink. And Viktor was at home on the couch. And he looked like he was in comfortable clothes. Which got me thinking... That was prior to Viktor announcing his retirement. And Viktor doesn't seem like the person to skip out on practice for no reason at all.

(Part 2) don’t get me wrong, the clips we see could be at different times. But it looked like Victor’s apartment was a bit dark, but there was still outside light. what if Victor was home sick. And not just a simple headache or head cold. No i’m talking about incredibly sick. Fever, aches, tiredness, dizziness, nausea, and possibly spending a better part of the previous night throwing up, maybe the rest of the day except for what we see. Could you make this a fic if it’s not too troubling?

Wow, my first two-part ask (I hope that I formatted this right)! And of course it’s not too much trouble! I’m happy to write it for you. Also, I’m aware that I’m all out of order with my requests, but Megan from @feelingalittlesick wanted some sick Victor, and I love her so here it is!

Victor’s dim, empty apartment looks like heaven after traveling for so long. He lets his bags drop with a heavy sigh, thoroughly exhausted from traveling. Makkachin, upon hearing her master’s arrival, comes bounding over to the front door. “Hey, girl,” Victor says cheerfully, scratching behind her ears and bending over to rub her belly when she rolls over. “You’ve been holding down the fort while I’ve been gone, huh?”

Georgi has been looking after her; Victor should probably thank him. And he needs to start planning for next season. But first… He drags himself to the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets and the refrigerator. Of course. They’re all empty. Well, he has been away for awhile. He needs go grocery shopping. Maybe he can do that tomorrow. He could always order takeout, except that he’s not really hungry right now.

Heading towards the bathroom, Victor settles on just showering and going to bed. He can always go to the store in the morning. Casting a glance at his discarded luggage, he decides that that can wait as well.

He feels a bit strange, but it must just be the jet lag. The sore muscles, too, can be blamed on traveling; even first class seats will make you sore if you’re sitting in them for too long. He just needs to get some sleep, and readjust to being at home.

The shower is nice and soothing, and Victor finds himself almost falling asleep on his feet. Fortunately, his nose bumping the wet glass wakes him up, and shaking his head at his own foolishness, Victor finishes washing up. He’s reluctant to leave the cozy warmth of the steam-filled paradise, but as soon as he’s in bed he has no complaints. It’s a wonder to be back in his own bed, in his own home instead of a hotel room. Victor is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

Unfortunately, his blissful rest isn’t the cure-all that he was hoping for. His muscles still ache, and his joints are stiffer than before. He’s also still exhausted, despite getting twice as much sleep as usual, and he’s strangely dizzy. He blames that on low blood sugar, and after another fruitless search through the kitchen, he drags himself out the door, Makkachin in tow.

The market is within easy walking distance, and Victor figures that it’s a good way to get some food for the apartment and let Makkachin get some exercise at the same time. Makkachin is ecstatic to be outside, and sniffs inquisitively at every rock and bush they pass. He smiles at the dog’s antics; the worst part of traveling, in his expert opinion, is not being able to take her with him. The morning is crisp and clear, not too cold or too warm. Perfect walking weather.

It’s not a very long trip to the market and back, but Victor is completely drained by the time he arrives home. He’s still a bit woozy, but strangely enough, he still doesn’t really have an appetite at all. He forces himself to nibble on some of the fruit he brought anyway. The dizziness abates a little, but doesn’t completely disappear.

Groceries put away, Victor wanders aimlessly around the apartment, looking for something to do. Makkachin follows closely on his heels as he unpacks his suitcase and reorients himself to his flat. Normally he wouldn’t bother to try to find something to do, and would just head to the skating rink, but Yakov had made it very clear that he didn’t want to see Victor until tomorrow (there might have been some threats involved). He settles on watching his past routines in an attempt to find some inspiration for his new routines. At some point during the afternoon, Victor dozes off mid-video, Makkachin curled up beside him.

A jolt of nausea forces him back to wakefulness. Victor sits bolt upright, one hand clapped to his mouth. Outside the windows, the sky is still pitch black. It must be the middle of the night. A bitter taste in the back of his mouth disrupts his train of thought and has him bolting for the bathroom.

He doesn’t quite make it to the toilet in time, and instead he’s forced to pause in front of the sink as the little bit of fruit he managed to choke down earlier forces its way back up his throat. Victor heaves violently into the sink, bringing up a wave of vomit that burns his esophagus and makes his eyes water.

There’s a small reprieve after he pukes which he seizes to situate himself in front of the toilet. What Victor had originally thought was jet lag had actually been the stomach flu, and he’s not about to be caught off guard again. The rest of the night passes painfully slowly, with Victor curled over the toilet, holding on for dear life and cursing his own existence. He didn’t think that he had anything left in his stomach to throw up, but he’s apparently wrong.

When he the vomiting finally stops, Victor is left curled up and shaking on the tile. Eventually, he pushes himself shakily to his feet and stumbles back over to the sink. He turns on the water to rinse the mess out, and rinses his mouth out. After a few cautious sips of water, he debates the merits of making the long trek back over to the couch.

The idea of relaxing into the comfortable cushions wins him over, and Victor painstakingly makes the journey back to the living room. He snags the trash can from the bathroom, in case of emergency.

The couch is beckoning to him, and he collapses onto it with a contented sigh. He closes his eyes for a moment, before a problem suddenly occurs to him: he’s freezing. And there aren’t any blankets within reach. Victor lets out a frustrated whine, and almost jumps when there’s a nudge at his hand. He opens his eyes to see Makkachin next to the sofa, looking at him imploringly. He pats the cushion next to him and she jumps up eagerly, settling next to him.

Warmth seeps into his frozen legs from the dog lying next to them, and Victor moans in relief. He pulls Makkachin so that she’s lying alongside him; her warmth is better than any blanket. Finally warm and relatively comfortable, he dozes off as the sun begins to peek over the horizon.

His restless sleep lasts for most of the morning, and Victor only wakes up when he hears his phone buzzing. He’d forgotten that he’d left it out here.

He enters his passcode and goes to his texts, expecting a “Where the hell are you?” from Yakov. Instead, there’s a link to a video from Yuri.

That’s unexpected. Frowning, he shoots a message to Yakov explaining the situation before opening the text from Yuri. “You’ve got to see this,” is the only text accompanying the mysterious link. “Cryptic,” Victor murmurs to himself, before hitting the play button.

As soon as he sees just who is starring in the video, Victor lets out a shocked gasp, his blue eyes going wide with astonishment. He’s transfixed, unable to take his eyes off the screen the entire time. Watching Yuuri skate is entrancing, and when the video ends, Victor immediately presses the replay button, determined to burn this into his memory forever. His mind is already swirling with ideas, plans to fly to Japan. Because this means that…

“My Yuuri,” Victor whispers. “I knew that you hadn’t forgotten me.”

[dadvans]

TOP FIVE THINGS MASTERPOST (2/3)

Christophe Giacometti’s boyfriend proposes to him in the kiss and cry.  Yuuri is about to go on, is looking up at the big screen saying, “how embarrassing!  I would hate someone making such a public spectacle of a private moment.”  Victor spends Yuuri’s entire free skate canceling the series of ice dancers and crowd participants and camera guys he had hired for a very public proposal that it is NOT HAPPENING.

The entire restaurant erupts with applause when the table next to theirs announces their proposal, an engagement ring presented to a bride in a glass of champagne.  Yuuri says, “I can’t imagine such a tacky and cliched proposal.  Can you really not think of something more personal and romantic than what movies have shown you?”  When the waiter comes around with their ‘complimentary’ glasses of champagne, Victor double-fists them both, swallowing hard around a 10k diamond ring.  “I was very thirsty,” he says, signaling for another round, choking a little.  “So, so thirsty.”

Realizing how flawed his Public Display of Affection technique was, Victor decides to have a more private engagement.  He hides the ring on Makkachin’s harness and has a five-course dinner catered at home, courtesy of him not knowing how to make anything except for protein shakes and scrambled eggs on toast.  Except that’s the day that between Victor getting flowers and Victor picking up his new Soon-To-Be-Ravished Engagement suit, Yuuri takes Makkachin to the groomers and comes back excited to show off a clean-cut dog minus one engagement ring.  (“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the groomer says the next day, flashing a suspicious gold ring they were not wearing the day before with a flip of their hand.  “I didn’t find anything.”)

Yuuri meanwhile realizes what Victor’s game plan has been the entire time, and feeling awful, decides to ask for his hand in marriage in a public display of affection.  They’re seeing a hockey match as a family with Yurio, and Yuuri lets the event staff know ahead of time he would like to propose to Victor on the overhead screen.  The venue tries and fails—the kiss cam lands on Yuuri and Yurio when Victor is getting more drinks.  Yurio sees his moment and Goes For It ™.  

They don’t expect it to go like this: Yuuri on the couch getting a foot rub, face lolling to the side.  “Marry me,” he says, and he means nothing by it, but everything at the same time, and Victor kisses his big toe and says, “I do.”

It’s a home birth.  They’ve got fucking mood tapes made, they have candles, they have a pool in their living room, they have comforting smells.  Yuuri is ready.

Yuuri is NOT ready, but he pretends he is ready.  The comforting smells are not comforting and Victor opens all the windows and he is in so much pain and Yuuri really hates this??? But Victor Does Not Know.  All Victor knows it that Yuuri has a well-organized birthing kit, full of things like ziplock bags he’s written PLACENTA on in his neat, English handwriting, and a cheap shower curtain to line the bathing tub covered in orange and blue squids.  He calls the neighbors about the loud noises and when the baby doesn’t come, but the contractions are shitty, he lets Victor practically break his hand as they walk in circles around their small concrete backyard in New York.  

Yuuri calls the midwife and Yuuri makes green tea with brown rice and Yuuri sweeps the floor approximately twenty-nine times and Yuuri pours him glass after glass of water and sits with him on the edge of the bathtub while he tries and fails to pee and cuts him thin slices of watermelon and wipes his sweaty hair back and traces his fingers through Victor’s scalp.

Yuuri’s face is there.  It’s the only face Victor needs to see.  There’s a midwife and an apprentice and Makkachin (and waiting out in a car trying to manage his own panic attack, Yuri Plisetsky) there too, but as far as Victor’s world is concerned it’s Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri as he pushes and breathes and shifts and breathes and cries and breathes, and Yuuri is there, and he’s beautiful.

Yuuri is so good at positive reinforcement and telling Victor that he did a good job, even though they’re both crying, and he’s so good at holding the baby and looking at the baby and saying, “baby,” with vocal chords capable of making noise, and Yuuri is so good at being tender and wonderful and himself and pressing kisses to Victor’s sweaty temple and cutting the chord and laying next to him and saying, “way to go, papa, looks like we just won gold.”

When he had to tell Victor that Air Bud wasn’t a documentary

When he has to tell Victor that Ronald McDonald isn’t a real person, and definitely not a politician or someone who sacrificed his own life for America.  

No, he never took a giant robot to school.  No, that was—it’s just in a lot of cartoons, Victor.  Giant robots aren’t a thing in Japan.  No, we have a defense force, we do not have an army of giant robots.  

No, Victor, potato vodka is not a vegetable, please stop arguing with me, this is the seventh time.

Victor is devastated when they move to Venice Beach after retiring to find out that rollerblading and fishnet shirts are No Longer A Thing.  Also, that Pauly Shore is no longer relevant.  Victor watches Encino Man seven times that weekend and refuses to go outside.

MAN, i couldn’t answer this one, and i’ll tell you why: even though you wrote “’typically’ masculine,” it just suggests so much and so little.  this is a hard hunger to feed.  when i read this, it seems like someone wants to cement one identity as ‘more masculine’ and another as ‘more feminine’.  it also completely disregards that the idea of ‘masculinity’ is not constant through different cultures, and what ‘masculine’ in russia and ‘masculine’ in japan may not, and is not cohesive with the western idea of masculine.  i tried to answer this initially anyway, but it just made me too uncomfortable.  yuuri and victor are men, but they shouldn’t be regulated by that, and they also shouldn’t have to live out expectations beyond that.  i don’t feel comfortable defining that.  does that make sense?  i hope this doesn’t bum you out, but for multiple reasons, i couldn’t answer this one.

The entire sequence of Yuuri’s breakdown in the parking lot, his free skate, to the kiss in episode seven.  I love Georgi’s FS music when they’re recovering from seeing each other raw and walking toward the rink, I love Yuuri’s recognition of Victor as an imperfect human and imperfect coach, I love the monologue while he skates, I LOVE him attempting the quad flip for the first time.  The kiss was the first part I had seen of the anime, and it convinced me to watch the show, because I’m so tired of queerbating, but!! When i saw it within the series, the emotions that built up to it completely wrecked me.  I still get emotional watching it.

I have watched the airport scene from the end of episode 9 probably just as much as I’ve watched the kiss.  The way Victor says, “it would be nice if you never retired.”  Fucks me up!!! Just fucks me up.

Any second that Christophe Giacometti is on screen.  I love him.  I love him so much.  

The entire first nine episodes with the new eyes of the episode ten reveal. Coupled with the last ten seconds of episode ten.  “BEEEEE MAAAAAAI COOOOOOCHI”

The fucking pairs skate, fucking end me, jesus fucking christ.  

HONORABLE MENTIONS: when they hug during the flashback over Yuuri getting that 4F score, when they kiss rings, touch hands, touch each other, whenever Victor gets in Yuuri’s space that no one else is allowed to occupy but Victor can with ease, the aggressive hugging sequence in episode nine, just like, the entire fucking series, leave me alone.

Yuri doesn’t give a shovel talk, but he does suggest he and Yuuri kill Victor with a shovel so they can be together forever.

Yakov wants to tell Yuuri to be good to Vitya, but after the incident at the Rostelecom Cup, he realizes that Victor probably needs the shovel talk a lot more than Yuuri.  Yuuri doesn’t skate past Yakov’s criticisms sing-songing “I can��t he-e-a-a-r y-o-o-o-u,” and he doesn’t invite the entire st. petersburg philharmonic to compose from the stands while he works on his new routine, and in the end yakov’s shovel talk is more like, “if you ever need help burying his body, it would please me greatly to help.”

Georgi tries to give Yuuri the shovel talk, because Georgi understands Real Pain, and it’s what he would have wanted when his heart was broken, but then Yuuri looks away and grabs at the inside of his elbow shyly and says, “I heard what you went through with Anya, I can only imagine how that felt, so I understand—“ and Georgi is crying Yuuri suddenly and holding him.  

“I didn’t think he had a heart to break before he met you,” Mila admits as they watch Victor practicing his jumps.  He’s been able to add another half rotation to his triple axel, but his knees have been hurting him lately, and in turn it hurts to watch how determined he can be when he really wants something and has no way of hiding from it.  “But he does, even if he’s better at hiding how he feels about you than he does about his sport.  You break his heart, I break your legs.”

Victor’s always been Lilia’s favorite student from Yakov, and she’s always had a working rivalry with Minako, so any time Victor shows up in less than perfect form, when he and Yuuri aren’t looking at each other with the usual tenderness in the mornings, she sees no problem in pulling Yuuri aside and making him do hundreds on a reformer until he’s throwing up.  It’s more effective than any shovel talk.

[duskisnigh]

I’m reading all your tags and so many of you insist that Makkachin will never die. After thinking about it, I’ve decided you guys are right. In a world where homophobia doesn’t exist, why can’t dogs live forever? So here’s an immortal Makkachin for all your Makkachin needs.

[soupicide]

This post contains my favourite fics from the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom (to date) that I've read - and I've read A LOT of fics since I finished watching the show in December (my poor heart). You'll notice that this post contains exclusively Victuuri and (some) Otayuri; these are the two main yoi ships that I read (I am open to other ships should you wish to share your own recs!). ALL OF THESE RECS ARE TOTALLY BIAS. There is no rating system - they're all great imo. I love them all differently. I don't know if this fandom even NEEDS another fic rec post, but you're getting it anyway. ~~ VICTUURI ~~ Lifetime Record by futuresoon Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 40k words Summary: Victor Nikiforov is a lot of things: a celebrity, a genius, the world's greatest men's figure skater, the object of Yuuri Katsuki's idolization. He's also been dead for twenty years. When Yuuri returns home in search of something to inspire him to get back into skating, what he finds is someone eager to help, unconventional, and incredibly, desperately lonely. Ghost!Victor AU. I CRIED A LOT. Aria: Stammi Vicino, Non Te Ne Andare by exile_wrath Rating: Teen+ Status: WIP, 23k words Summary: The tale of a lonely traveler, Victor Nikiforov, and his encounter with an equally lonely immortal man. Alternatively: the tale of Yuuri Katsuki, who never ages and never dies ansd has lived frozen in time for centuries, and his attempts to keep his adopted son from killing the new guest. Fantasy AU. When Life Gives You Lavender by electryke Rating: Mature Status: WIP, 18k words Summary: Yuuri dropped everything to become a farmer in the middle of nowhere. It was new and foreign, but the solitude would give him time to reconsider the direction of his dull life. However, his notions of solitude were quickly destroyed by the entrance of the most prominent man in town and his moody son, leaving Yuuri's life changed forever. Harvest Moon AU. Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya Rating: Explicit Status: WIP - a breath away from being complete; 147k words Summary: A single event changes the course of Yuuri's life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different, and Yuuri doesn't seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries. Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin, and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be. Alternate Canon. Dancing Daffodils by grayclouds Rating: Mature Status: WIP, 31K words Summary: "As love gently wipes away the tears that trail down his cheeks, something within Victor quakes, its tremors resonating throughout his entire being like a deafening echo. He is in the arms of a god." A god falls for a man. God & Goddess AU. Unwritten by kaizuka Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 34k words Summary: Soulmate AU where whatever you write on your skin appears on your soulmate, but when there is a language barrier, meeting becomes just a little more difficult than it should be. Essays and Endearments by kaizuka Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 13k words Summary: Inadvertently compliment them in a slightly embarrassing and impromptu way, and there you have it! Welcome to life with your new girlfriend/boyfriend!* *Results may vary College AU. [Press Start] by kaizuka Rating: General Status: WIP, 14k words Summary: Yuuri wakes up one day to find himself thrown into an otome game-like reality, where his love interests seem to consist of figure skaters from the Grand Prix, and many of his actions are dictated by one of three choices that pop up in a text box that only he can see. And, as he’s quick to find out, the only way out of the game is to choose a lobe interest and see the blossoming romance through til the end! Video game AU You Can’t Plan for Everything by RivDev Rating: Explicit Status: WIP, 113k words Summary:Yuuri forgets that he has a scheduled heat coming up until it’s just a couple weeks away. He scrambles to get everything ready in time, including deciding whether he’ll spend it alone or with someone. Victor only wants to help. A/B/O Dynamic AU. You Say Good Morning When It’s Midnight by RobotSquid Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 13k words Summary: “Look on the bright side,” Victor teased, pressing the tips of their noses together. “When I’m gone you’ll have the whole bed to yourself.” Yuuri scoffed. “Not if Makkachin has anything to say about it.” Victor smiled and kissed him again. This time, the kiss was deeper, longer, and after a moment, Yuuri opened his lips to let Victor’s tongue inside. Victor ran his fingers down’s Yuuri’s sides, feeling the muscles under his shirt, savoring the dips of his curves. When he reached the hem of the shirt, he pushed his fingers underneath the fabric and back up Yuuri’s spine, pressing down against the raised vertebrae as he went. Yuuri made a little sound, something between a sigh and a whimper, sucked in a breath through his nostrils, and pushed his tongue back against Victor’s. Safety Hazards in St. Petersburg by lucycamui Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 3k words Summary:In which Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg and Victor discovers just how distracting living with him can be. Alternatively title, How Many Ways Can Victor Hurt Himself? or Idiots in Love. Maelstrom by feelslikefire Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 43k words Summary: Victor Nikiforov is poised to win gold in his fifth consecutive Grand Prix Final. He has the world at his feet, is unparalleled in the sport—right up until a snowstorm blows into Sochi, and he finds himself repeating the same day over and over and over. He stumbles over Yuuri Katsuki, and everything changes. Time Loop/Groundhog Day AU. like your french girls by ebenroot Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 102k words Summary:”Victor,” Yuri begins, lowering the eighteenth sketch of the figure skater Victor drew this week, “you have a fucking problem.” – in which Victor is an artist, Yuuri is his figure skating muse, and Yuri is so done hearing about their stupid love story through Instagram. Artist!Victor AU all the world’s a stage by braveten Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 112k words Summary:Everyone has a guilty pleasure. For Yuuri, it just happens to be romance movies staring famous heartthrob Victor Nikiforov. {And, honestly, on the spectrum of guilty pleasures, he figures that his is on the far, far more innocent side.) Actor!Victor AU. centripetal force by braveten Rating: General Status: WIP, 29k words Summary: Victor speaks seven languages. (Physics isn’t one of them.) Luckily, though, he ends up rooming with his antithesis: a shy, black-haired boy who just so happens to be a physics major. College Roomates AU. The Fundamentals of Caring by braveten Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 20k words Summary: “Let me guess, you’re going to go take care of Yuuri while he sleeps? Just in case he sneezes or something?” Yurio rolls his eyes, folding his arms across his chest. “Viktor, you’re whipped.” Viktor rubs the back of his neck as he leans against the wall. “What does that mean?” “It means that if Yuuri asked you to do a little dance for him in nothing but a coconut bra and a hula skirt, you’d do it.” Viktor pauses, confused. “And that's a bad thing?” matched by bigspoonnoya Rating: Explicit Status: WIP, 41k words Summary: Viktor Nikiforov considers himself an excellent matchmaker, but there’s one love life he can’t seem to get right – his own. Emma/Clueless Crossover AU. Winter Song by proantagonist Rating: Explicit Status: WIP, 80k words Summary:The set of Yuuri’s mouth softened into a private smile as Victor squeezed his knee beneath the table. His hands were bare, free from the gloves he so often wore when they were together on the rink, and the heat of his palm burned straight through the denim of Yuuri’s jeans. He slipped his own hand beneath the table and found Victor’s. Hidden from sight, their fingers began to flirt and play. A secret conversation all their own that needed no words. Yuuri was aware that at some point—a moment in time he couldn’t quite place—Victor had become his boyfriend. There wasn’t a single instant when it happened. It was a slow awareness, as if Victor had silently been asking the question for months now, and Yuuri had been giving him the answer a little more with each passing day. a great desire to love by lily_winterwood Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 21k words Summary:For some strange, inexplicable, fantastic reason, Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are trading places. Kimi no Na wa/Time Travel AU. the lounge by fan_nerd Rating: Mature Status: COMPLETE, 13k words Summary: Dr. Yuuri Katsuki is a psychiatric therapist in Detroit who specializes in alcoholism. The last person he expects to see in his chair is retired figure skater Victor Nikiforov, whom he used to idolize. Victor is a very different man than the one who'd been subject to the constant flashes of cameras in the prime of his life. He is broken, and so terribly human. But then, so is Yuuri. Hold Me Tight by smudgesofink Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 11k words Summary:Katsuki Yuuri is not a tactile man. Anyone who’s spent a minute with him can tell you that much. Victor, however— To say that Victor is touchy-feely is the understatement of the century. So when Victor just stops touching Yuuri, without explanation, without reason, it makes for a painfully jarring experience. (Alternatively titled: Five Times Victor Hugs Yuuri, and the One Time He Doesn't) by qwartooty Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 2k words Summary: “Do you have any kinks?” Viktor looked down at Phichit, surprised. “Excuse me?” “Fetishes. Turn-ons. Things that make you go, ‘Oooh! Wow! Yeah!’” “I know what a kink is. Why are you asking me that kind of question?” “Don’t look so scandalized. It’s for my psychology project. Which I just told you about, but you were too busy drooling over Yuuri to listen,” Phichit said. (post episode 7 - In which Viktor is enlightened, Phichit is a little shit, and Yuuri frantically searches for ways to keep surprising Viktor) ~~ OTAYURI ~~ hood & glove by Fahye, hawberries Rating: Teen+ Status: COMPLETE, 12k words Summary: “I don’t mess with the fae,” Otabek says. “I’m not asking you to mess with them,” JJ flat-out lies. Fairy Tale AU. Eat Your Heart Out, Adonis by blackmountainbones Rating: Explicit Status: WIP, 24k words Summary: The year is 2021. The Beijing Winter Olympics are just around the corner, and Yuri Plisetsky is forced to take a break from skating in order to recover from an ankle injury. His friend Otabek comes to Russia to keep him company during his time off the ice. UST follows. From Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions Rating: Explicit Status: COMPLETE, 71k words Summary:It’s quiet here. Even if the car alarm on the neighbor’s goddamn BMW has been going off for the past twenty minutes. Quiet, even though the alarm’s got the neighbor’s dog howling like crazy, and the neighbor works second shift and isn’t there to comfort the dumb dog. It’s quiet…They haven’t spoken to each other since that morning, when Yuri went off to go see his tutor, and Otabek went off to do whatever the hell it was he did in the mornings before he hit the rink. “You’re used to the noise?” “Yeah, but…I think I like the quiet too.” Or: Yuri spends the summer with Otabek in Almaty.

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

Victuuri Hot Springs/Colour Soulmate AU for mochhio!

For @mochhio!

Hi!! it’s rachelcantwalkonwater, i forgot that you can’t submit through a side blog so I had to use my main blog, i hope that’s ok >.<, anyways here’s a fic I put together for my secret valentine!

Ever since I was born I haven’t been able to see in colour.

It’s not like it’s uncommon, every human being is born without the ability. We see everything in black and white, the beauty of the world being withheld from us until we find “the one”. Honestly, at this point, I’ve given up all hope in ever finding love, doomed to a black and white world for the rest of my uninteresting life.

My name is Katsuki Yuuri, I’m a 24 year old man, helping my parents run a hot springs resort in Hasetsu, Japan. There’s nothing interesting that happens around here, it’s the same boring town with the same boring faces. Hatsetsu used to be home to many hot springs, but over the years, they’ve all closed down due to lack of clientele. The only hot springs left is the one my parents own, and even now we don’t get many customers.

“Yuuri! Can you help me put these dishes away, dear?!” My mother calls out to me.

“Uh—yeah! Yeah I’m coming mom!” I reply.

I make my way across the main floor of the resort, and over to the kitchen. My mom greets me at the door, chuckling.

“Yuuri dear, what on earth are you wearing?”

“Huh? W-what do you mean? I thought I looked alright.” I say in self-defense.

“My, my, Yuuri, we really need to find you someone, and fast! You’re wearing teal pants, a purple shirt, and a red hoodie!” She states, snickering once more.

My face goes red as I realise what I’m wearing. Teal pants?! I didn’t even think I owned a pair of those! Well it’s not like it’s my fault anyways, I can’t see colour.

“I-I uh…” I mutter as I scratch the back of my head, losing eye contact with my mother.

“It’s alright Yuuri, come with me, I’ll help you pick out an outfit.” She smiles.

I follow her up to my bedroom and she picks out a colour coordinating outfit. She tells me that my three quarter length shirt is navy blue, and my pants are black, with a blue stripe running down either leg. As soon as she sees I’m content with my outfit, we go back downstairs and continue our chores.

I’m putting dishes away in their normal places when the phone rings. My mother rushes over to and picks it up.

“Hello, this is the Yu-topia Onsen, Hiroko speaking,”

I hear a muffled voice over on the other end of the line, and a small gasp from my mother.

“Really? He would like to stay here? Of course he can!”

This immediately piques my interest. Who exactly was on the other end of the line?

“Alright then, tomorrow at 3:30, have a great day!”

I rush over to where my mom is standing.

“Who was that?” I ask her.

She tells me about how she was talking to Yakov Feltsman, coach of the famous figure skater, Viktor Nikiforov. She tells me that they want to stay at the Yu-topia Onsen because it’s secluded, so Viktor will be able to relax, and not have to deal with fans before an upcoming exhibition skate. As I finish processing this information I realize, Viktor Nikiforov. Is coming. Here. To Yu-topia. Tomorrow. I promptly freak out.

Viktor is my ultimate idol. He’s graceful, kind, talented, and holy crap is he attractive. His confidence has helped me through many anxiety attacks, and bouts of depression. Now that he’s coming to Yu-topia, you’d think I come up to him and tell him how much he means to me, wrong. I’ll be too terrified to even come within 3 meters of the guy. My mom suddenly calls me down for dinner, I look at the time, 5:30 already? I could’ve sworn it was earlier.

As I eat dinner my family talks about the up and coming arrival of Viktor and Yakov.

“We have to provide Mr. Nikiforov and Mr. Feltsman with first priority services. That means we need our best robes, best sheets, best dishes, and, well, you get it.” My father tells us.

“And Mari, not flirting with Viktor, understand?” my mother adds.

“Aww alright,” Mari, my older sister replies with a groan.

After dinner, I help my mom clean up. Afterwards, I walk upstairs to my room and watch some videos I have saved of Viktor. I pull up the video of him skating to ‘Stand by Me’, his free skate program from a few years ago. I watch as he gracefully skates around the rink, as calm as can be. He jumps and perfectly lands his quadruple salchow, his signature move. I watch in amazement, knowing that I could never do what Viktor is capable of. He glides around like he’s skating on air. It’s time for his step sequence, which he nails absolutely flawlessly. No wonder he won the world championships that year. I sigh as I gush to myself about how amazing I think Viktor is, then attempt to fall asleep.

The next morning, my mom calls me down for breakfast. As I eat, we talk about the final preparations that need to be made for Viktor’s arrival. After breakfast, I change into my clothes from yesterday, and set off to work.

Everything is ready, nothing needs to be done, it’s 3:00 and Viktor should be here very soon. I’m panicking, Viktor’s going to be here in thirty minutes, the Viktor Nikiforov, my idol, I’m so nervous. What if he doesn’t like me, what if he think I’m weird, what if I accidentally pour hot water all over his fantastic body and—

“Calm down Yuuri, everything will be okay.” My father reassures with a pat on the back. I give him a nervous smile and attempt to calm my nerves, to no avail.

The door of Yu-topia open with a swift swoosh and in waltz’s Viktor himself, Makkachin, his poodle right by his side, and Yakov tagging behind. Before any of them realise I’m here I bolt for my room.

I can’t do this, I can’t do this I can’t do this, I’m too scared!! I have to calm down, I need to make a good first impression for Viktor. He’s my idol, I don’t want him to think I’m some crazy fanboy.

My mom walks into my room to give some words of encouragement. She tells me that I can do this, to pretend like he’s any other customer at the hot springs, even though both her and I know that’s not true. I hear another voice coming up the stairs, his voice.

“Ms. Katsuki! Ms. Katsuki!!!! Where can Yakov put my bags?” Viktor’s happy-go-lucky voice rings throughout the hallways.

I quickly stand up as I hear him walk closer to my room. My mind finally catches on to the fact that all my posters of Viktor are still hanging in my room. As fast as lightning I take them all down, in case he decides he wants to enter my room. My mother softly chuckles at my behaviour and opens my door to greet Viktor.

My parents invited Viktor and Yakov to have dinner with us. I actually gathered the courage to go downstairs and eat with them. I walk towards the dinner table and sit down. My parents, Viktor, Mari, and Yakov engage in small talk while I quietly eat my katsudon. Suddenly, Viktor asks a question I knew would come up sooner or later,

“So, who’re you?” Viktor asks with a silly little grin on his face.

My face flushes red, “oh u-uh… m-MY NAME IS KATSUKI YUURI!”

Dammit. Good job Yuuri, first time meeting your idol and you mess it up. I quickly finish my katsudon and run upstairs into my bedroom. A few minutes later I hear soft knocking in my door.

“Yuuri?”

It’s Viktor. The door slides open and he enters. Good thing I took down all those posters earlier.

“U-uh, Viktor I-I’m sorry for the outburst at dinner I—”

He grabs my hands and I close my eyes. But he doesn’t say anything else. I open my eyes and my world changed forever,

Is this colour?

It’s beautiful.

At this point I’m too shocked to even register that I’m staring at Viktor, all I know is that I’m no longer seeing in black and white. These are colours, I tell myself. I take in the vibrancy in his eyes, and the paleness of his skin. I blink a few times to reassure myself that this is happening. Viktor’s “the one”? He can’t be, I don’t believe it.

“You’re—” We say at the exact same time.

Is Viktor experiencing this too? His goofy smile confirms my thought as he pulls me into a hug; I don’t object. As if he was some kind of medicine my nerves vanished. I give him my best smile, and he gives me his. We both get up off the bed and go downstairs to tell everyone about our new, colour-filled lives. From this moment on we both knew,

He is the one.

[foolsonice]

Dance on Ice - Chapter 04

Fandom: Yuri!!! on Ice Relationship: Victor Nikiforov/Yuuri Katsuki Characters: Victor Nikiforov, Yuuri Katsuki, Makkachin, Vicchan  Wordcount: 6501 / 1898 Rating: T+ Additional Tags: Ice Skating, Friends to Lovers, Vicchan Lives, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Pair Dance, First Kiss. 

Warm water streams down Yuuri’s exhausted body, usually incredibly soothing, but not today. How should it be when Victor is all over in his mind, when Victor’s taste still lingers on his lips, the reminiscences of his touch sending sizzling sparks throughout his body? Yuuri had long lost count of just how many nights he had lain awake, dreaming about Victor touching him, kissing him.

[continue reading on AO3]

And now, that Victor had kissed him, Yuuri realizes how hollow his dreams had been, how they had lacked everything.

Still, Yuuri is Yuuri. Somewhere amidst the beauty of what happened between them conflicting thoughts arise.

What if it was a great misunderstanding?

It wasn’t. It was an entire choreography dedicated to this single moment.

What if Victor is just teasing him, or worse: making fun of him?

Yuuri knows, Victor would never do that; still he feels like hiding in the shower forever for the simple reason of forcing his shaking legs back to normal. At last, his skin already wrinkled, he decides he can’t behave like a five-year-old forever, and finally steps out of the shower with the towel wrapped around his waist.

What if … Victor just ..

In the middle of Yuuri’s thoughts the door flings open, bumping against the lockers with a loud smash.

“Victor?” Yuuri wonders, clutching the towel around his waist as if his life depends on it, adding, “what are–” Victor usually never comes into the shower. Well, usually he doesn’t kiss Yuuri, either.

“Over here,” Victor says cheerfully, waving his arm high up in the air. That he interrupts Yuuri mid-sentence doesn’t seem to bother him, and Yuuri’s thankful for the chance to force his reeling mind back on track again. With little success, needless to say. The sight of Victor, dressed up like the guys in the fashion magazines Minako loves read, is one Yuuri struggles to deal with appropriately. At the rink when Yuuri skates it’s fine, because than his mind is completely diverted; when he’s not – well, then it’s like now, with Yuuri feeling as if a Shinkansen thunders right through his head.

Much to Yuuri’s relief Victor at least stops a few steps away from him, allowing him the space he so desperately needs. Yuuri’s helpless stare in Victor’s direction is bad enough when he’s fully dressed, wearing nothing else than the towel naturally makes it worse. Yuuri feels strangely exposed under Victor’s eyes, wondering why that is. ‘Does Victor look differently at me now?’ Yuuri begins to wonder, forcing his feet into an awkward position to at least pretend to be as pretty as the poster boys are. ‘Does he want someone like those boys in those magazines?’

By then, the towel is damp from Yuuri’s sweating hands alone.

For moments they simply stare at each other. “What are you doing here?” Yuuri asks carefully, his confidence – what confidence – evaporating. Maybe there had been a little glimpse of confidence that Victor’s experiment in pair skating had brought him – faltering now with every second Victor watches him from the distance. Despite the hard hours of training each day and being allowed Katsudon only at the weekends, he’s still too chubby for an athlete, which results in Yuuri sucking in his stomach, hoping that Victor doesn’t realize what he does and thinks he lost weight.

Feeling ridiculous, behaving ridiculous in front of the one he admires is a sad constant in Yuuri’s life.

The smile Victor gives him in return runs from ear to ear. Yuuri doesn’t understand. “Wondering what was taking you so long,” Victor says, then adds with exaggerated articulation so typical for him in certain moments, “wondering why you made me wait so long.” A shiver runs through Yuuri from head to toe. By now, Yuuri comes to understand it’s Victor being nervous. Not that it would occur all too often, no, because there’s no other with such a boosting self-confidence (well, there’s JJ, and there’s Chris too, but that’s different).

‘Why?’ Yuuri keeps wondering. Why of all things is Victor nervous?

It’s needless to say that Victor displaying nervousness is – special. Everything about him is special, and it’s breathtakingly beautiful in a way Yuuri has never seen before. The more Yuuri thinks about it that way, the redder his face goes, because damn: with this look on his face he’s more beautiful than ever.

“What?” asks Victor, smiling still that special smile of his, as he catches Yuuri staring at him with wide eyes. Like usual, Victor’s voice flitting cheerfully through the room radiates his good mood, almost succeeding at hiding the nervousness bubbling beneath it perfectly, in a way Yuuri never quite realized before. .

Victor’s always like this, no matter what time of the day it is, no matter where they are, and who is around, be it Yakov, Yuuri’s parents or half of Hasetsu. That’s what startles Yuuri most, because being reserved in public is as common in Japan as shrines and temples and the mobile charms to be bought there are. Well, there is one exception: when being drunk, even the reserved Japanese indulge in silly drinking games and hilarious exuberance, resulting in the most awkward displays of drunkenness on Hasetsu’s streets late at night. ‘Maybe I should try one day?’ thinks Yuuri, forgetting about that idea immediately when Victor takes some steps towards him.

In that moment, Victor’s words of what takes him so long come back Yuuri. “Err, I am sorry,” he says defensively, because Victor’s point is most likely a valid one. Losing track of time is something Yuuri is extraordinarily good at, especially after today’s events. He’s still dizzy, overwhelmed by what he experienced for the first time in his life,  his head spinning like the Ferris wheel at Hasetsu’s yearly fair. It spins all the more when suddenly Victor stands so very close to him, looking at him with his expressive eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Victor asks, tilting his head in what seems like slow-motion to Yuuri.

He answers way too rapidly with Victor being so near wrecking his brain. “Nothing.”

Victor quirks an eyebrow at him, deducing the lie easily. In fact, Yuuri was never good at lying with his body language always giving him away.

It’s so incredibly stupid, Yuuri knows, and mostly he says it because he’s at a loss of what else to say. “Why,” he begins, his voice faltering as his gaze meets Victor’s, warm and soft, and breathtaking, “why did you kiss me? I mean..”

Victor’s smile matches the radiance in his eyes. “Because I wanted to.”

Within a second, Yuuri turns into an even more nervous wreck. It’s impossible not to when Victor looks at him that way. “And.. why would you?” asks Yuuri, stammering, easily translating to ‘Why on earth would the legend Victor Nikiforov ever be interested in a Japanese second class skater who’s way too fat and anxious?’

Victor never tires of explaining it to Yuuri. Today, however, it sounds different to Yuuri’s ears. “Because I like you, I've liked you for a good while already. That is why I am here, Yuuri,” Victor says, taking the last step to bridge the distance between them, his hand sweeping briefly over Yuuri’s cheek, “because I’d like to kiss you again, properly this time, if you don’t mind.”

When words again fail him, Yuuri throws his arms around Victor’s neck, burying his head in the scarf Victor now wears. It smells of Victor more prominently than the t-shirt he once had snatched from Victor’s room.

“That’s not what I had in mind,” laughs Victor, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s still damp back.

“I’m sorry,” mumbles Yuuri, trying to shift his hips backwards without Victor observing it. There’s something distinct awakening between his thighs; something Yuuri’s terrible afraid of Victor noticing. It makes him anxious all over again and Yuuri forgets about the towel he’s not holding onto anymore.

“Don’t apologize, Yuuri. It’s fine, there’s no –” says Victor, stopping midsentence when the towel develops a life of its own and falls right onto Victor’s feet.

‘Just no,’ thinks Yuuri, covering his front with both hands immediately as Victor is slipping out of his embrace. In the motion of it, Victor bends, retrieving the towel for Yuuri so that his head is on exact eye-level with Yuuri’s crotch. Right there where Yuuri wants him least, when he’s so obviously aroused by Victor simply standing in front of him, fully dressed.

Yuuri feels like crying. Or just dying out of sheer embarrassment, face glowing bright red in the glaring light. With an understanding smile, Victor offers Yuuri the towel back, still down there, with one knee actually touching the floor as Yuuri notices before he shuts his eyes tightly. He’s an anxious coward, unable to look down again because he doesn’t want to see the pity and disgust on Victor’s face, making his mind up what to do instead.

It’s enough, too much, too embarrassing, too – Yuuri’s eyes snap open, snatching the towel right out of Victor’s hand. Unsurprisingly, Victor’s eyes grow wide, too, shock and confusion and hurt flitting across his face. Without even caring to explain anything to Victor, Yuuri storms off towards the shower cabins, not even being able to care hiding his nudity.

“Yuuri,” Victor calls after him, genuinely confused, “why are you running away?”

The door of the cabin slams shut, with the distinct sound of locking it following.

“Yuuri?” Victor asks, as he places a knock against the door, adding, “please, unlock the door.”

Yuuri pretends not to be in there, though Victor’s plea is heartbreaking, something that makes Yuuri’s state of mind worse. In all his helpless misery Yuuri buries his face in his hand, hiding from what isn’t even inside the cabin.

Victor’s voice is persistently in Yuuri’s ear. “Please? I am sorry.”

Yuuri doesn’t answer, cannot answer with tears choking him mute, hands trembling against his cheeks. He feels tears running down his face and he angrily wipes them away, silently berating himself.

Why can’t he just act normal around Victor?

Why can’t he just act normal around anybody?

By now, Victor sounds frustrated. “Listen, Yuuri,” he offers, his voice calm, yet somehow still sounding different to Yuuri. “I am going to leave now and go about my business in Hasetsu so that you can come out of the shower again. Afterwards I’m going to the beach with the dogs, so I won’t be around at your house till late, I promise.”

Every single word makes Yuuri cry all the more. The sound of padding footsteps reaches his ear, with the door opening and falling shut again shortly after. All the while Yuuri listens for even the smallest sound. There’s none, only strange silence enwrapping him.

Five minutes go by, and then another five, until he dares to unlock the door, peeking outside.

As promised, there’s no Victor, only the rows of lockers greeting him. A sad picture of grim grey blending into yet another nuance of darker grey, dull compared to what he saw before.

It’s his own fault. Entirely his own.  He ruined everything yet again.

‘Be proud of you, Katsuki Yuuri. Be proud,’ Yuuri said to himself.

With the end of the towel he rubs his watery eyes, before he finally gets dressed and leaves the Ice Castle with too much time to think about his stupid behavior.

*

[s-hadow-chan]

Moving blogs + a reflection essay

tl;dr -- I’m moving my main blog. Because lots of my views on life have changed, my life has changed, and obviously my tastes in fandoms have changed. I’ll put the URL here later once I’ve made it. To see how I got to this position and where I am now, keep reading ^w^

Note: This is just my own opinion as to how I’ve seen Tumblr over the past few years. 

Well, it’s the start of a New Year. I haven’t been active much in 2017 but I’ll try and be active this year. Thanks to all the people who’ve helped and supported me this year and the following people who have made my life on Tumblr : *a list of people I rarely talk to anymore*

....Is what I would have said perhaps a year or two ago. I’m still glad I’ve joined this site and had conversations with some KnB fanatics like I was. However, I haven’t talked to them in a year. The only people I usually talk to on this site are basically nonexistent. I mean my friends from high school technically, but I talk to them irl during classes and lunch. The truth is that I have not been active on Tumblr for the past year. And my activity on the site was starting to wane in 2016 as well when I accidentally deleted my main blog last year when I was actually trying to delete a side blog I was working on. But that’s besides the fact as to why I’m moving. I’ve changed quite a bit since 2014 when I first joined Tumblr. My views of the world have changed, my life has changed, even the tiniest things such as my fandom tastes have changed. Because of this change, I’m moving to a new blog. Since you’ve decided to keep reading, I’m going to write a long detailed essay about the three things that have changed with me: my taste, my views on the world, and my life in 2014. You have the complete freedom to click out anytime ^w^

The fourteen-year-old me has a different shit taste in anime than the shit taste I have in anime now. Obviously, no one person can stay the same. If you’ve reblogged the little posts I’ve reblogged from other blogs (try saying that five times lol) notice how there’s barely any Hetalia or Kuroko no Basket or Haikyuu for that matter. Even when I’ve been active for the past few days, it’s been more positive posts, memes, and occasional anime of Hero Aca and such. So really if you want to know what I’m into at the moment, it’s Honeyworks, Hero Aca, Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso (Your Lie in April), food, study things, any Makoto Shinkai film (doesn’t have to be Your Name but it can be) and always memes. And getting off from the high of finishing Yamada-kun and the Seven Witches, I’ll be looking for that too. Also, notice the decline in squealing yaoi fangirl that used to squeal in the tags section about two dudes cross-dressing. Ah, yes. The Hetalia days of where I’d ship APH America with everyone and just had a huge obsession with APH America. The title of my blog (on mobile anyway) is still a quote from the dub haha.  To be fair, that squealing, yaoi fangirl did have a brief revival when Yuri on Ice was still airing. I still have a soft spot for the anime as it was very good (and still is, Phichit will forever be an angel) and I absolutely LOVE Makkachin still. But for the most part, I have mostly lost the whole yaoi fangirl that I once was in Freshman year of high school who still loved shipping countries together. Why I deviated from Hetalia is another post unto itself.

I mentioned how I haven’t been posting a lot of kurobas lately. Yes my interest has waned in the show, but I still appreciate what it’s done for me in my high school years. I still have a quote from Aida Riko back in the earlier chapters of the manga hanging on my wall as I work on homework: “I want you to have a big concrete objective and the will to achieve it.” I won’t deny, KnB really helped me set the mentality I needed to tackle high school -- to keep pushing myself to become a better person. Whether I fulfilled that expectation or not is debatable. But as always, the inspirational quotes of KnB will undoubtedly carry me onto college too.

Now don’t get triggered when I say that Tumblr can really take leftist ideology to the extreme. It’s definitely right to treat everybody equally no matter their skin color, gender, sexuality, shape, size, disability, etc. Basically, everyone deserves to be treated equally. That’d definitely fine and it’s the right way to live life after all. However, it first hit me in Junior year that Tumblr was getting annoying. The whole “the straights are terrible” and “white men should burn in hell” preaching gave Tumblr the black and white views of the world without any grays (or greys however you spell it) in between. Now I’m a straight CIS female. I’ve got good friends who are asexual, bi, lesbian, etc. I will say this, but I doubt it will be heard by the screams of hate against a straight CIS gender like myself: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR DAMN SEXUALITY OR GENDER OR COLOR OR WHATEVER IS AS LONG AS YOU ARE A NICE PERSON! If you are a trans, gay Hispanic (an example, not pointing you out) who treats other people terribly, that means I will flip you off and beat your ass (to some extent of this statement). Not all straight people are bad and not all gays are good and it goes for every demographic that exists ever.

Though it may seem that I am blaming all of Tumblr for acting this way, I am. But I can’t forget that I too, once had a black and white view of the world. As a fourteen-year-old who was very much shielded from the world because of a private Catholic school with conservative parents who are very well off, I had an inkling of what the rest of the world was like. And I feel like the people on Tumblr were just as uneducated about the world as I was. By no means do I know everything about the world now. A seventeen-year-old who hasn’t even finished high school will never know how the me from four years from now feels. I am just saying that my opinion from leaning so far left a damn tree would break has become more moderate. This website made me think: gosh being straight and CIS is uncool and being a normal functional being with no anxiety or depression isn’t normal too. I need to be bi and genderfluid! That was stupid thinking. Right now, I’m completely fine with being a straight, CIS female with no mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety who will gladly respect your pronouns.

Now life is really crazy. It was crazy in 2016, and it was crazy in 2017 too. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I’m from Las Vegas, Nevada now did I? Times have changed man. I don’t think I would have said that when I was 10 on a website lol. But yeah if you’ve somehow been scrolling this far down I commend your efforts. And I’m sure you’re getting really strained rn. So get some water, take a break, I’m sorry if you can’t get to a laptop or computer right now. Don’t read this in one go. If you’ve returned or decided to read straight on through welcome back or good for you respectively. Now I’ll repeat that again. Yes, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. Right where Stephen Paddock decided to shoot from the 37th floor of Mandalay Bay onto the Route 91 Harvest Festival where over 500 people were wounded and 50 people were killed and where three students from my school were at on Sunday night (they were unharmed physically I believe). I found this out when I was tucked in bed at home, far from the strip checking my friend’s snapchats before I fell asleep. For the largest mass shooting in modern US history to take place in an area where my family would take our extended family to dinner or where we once had a New Years Eve celebration at the Vdara, is sickening. My cousins and I used to go to Mandalay Bay and hang out at the pool and stay the night because it was Spring break back when we were in middle school. My mom’s 40th birthday was at the Mandalay Bay. It’s terrible. I know how those people in Orlando and Colorado and everywhere else in the world feel when a mass shooting happens and completely disrupts your life. I’ve barely even been to the strip this year. The fact that a terror attack happened in my own backyard is beyond words. It makes me angry that some bastard decided to fuck up the lives of everyone in my city by ruining a good time at a concert. It makes me sad when I read a Washington Post later about a group of girls who went to a Lutheran school were affected by this event mentally and some even physically by this event. And that in turns makes me pissed off that some dude ruined the lives of teenage girls exactly like me, who were worried about the SAT and ACT and AP Classes and college. Fuck him.

So that’s my feelings on the shooting a few months late. But remember that I live in Las Vegas. You can’t just forget a mass shooting that happened in the city you live in. I’d mention how people would disagree with me that other events on the strip have happened such as a robbing at the Bellagio (it’s always the Bellagio man! That’s my fave part of the strip with the dancing waters and the seasonal garden inside like man they don’t deserve that) and etc. but feel free to disagree with me when you submit an ask dear anon.

Now on a somewhat lighter note, high school will forever be stressful. Going to the best high school in the state is stressful when all your friends have a nonstop grind to be one of the valedictorians (apparently you can have more than one?? I had no idea until I went to high school). Though I am nowhere near becoming a valedictorian, I still have plans to graduate with high honors ( wearing white for graduation) because half of the people graduating will wear white because it’s a magnet school dammit we’re kinda smart. AP classes have been part of my workload since Sophomore year which is right when I deleted my blog, but I managed to keep my activity up somewhat. Junior year slumped in my activity big time. APUSH is hard you guys. That’s it. I believe I posted a reflection at the start of 2017 detailing a bit more of this. But the difference this year is that I’m a senior in high school. That means college and scholarships. As I’ve mentioned before, I live in Nevada. I either stay in Las Vegas and attend the university there or I head up to Reno, which is like a 6-hour drive from home or just an hour flight. That means living in a dorm away from everything I’ve known. And that includes my boyfriend.

The biggest change in my life between Freshman year and now is that I’m taken! And honestly, it was the biggest fucking plot twist of 2016 (and the largest failed segway of 2018 thus far). I’m dating the largest weeb at my school ever and I’m happy dammit. Most of the time. I’ve learned a lot from being in a relationship like how to shut the fuck up and listen and appreciate more in life. By no means was my relationship perfect either. We’ve had a lot of fights. I’ve mentioned this in my reflection of 2016 at the start of last year so the rundown is that we’ve been together a year and a half now. I’m in a healthy relationship. Then college comes in and says hi. Now my boyfriend has decided to go to the university here in Las Vegas. I’m still very unsure as to where I want to go next. After all, the decision as to where to continue my education lies with me and I’m running out of time (I’m procrastinating on the decision right now lol). Four years ago, I had dreams of going out of state to either a UC school or the United States Airforce Academy in Colorado, until I learned that school outside of my state is expensive so I decided to stay within the confines of Nevada. 

And honestly, that’s where I’m at right now. Thanks for reading this long ass rant. I spent an hour or two typing this up. I just have a lot of feelings haha. I hope everyone has the best year ever. If this is after I’ve posted my new URL, go follow me there. But for now, thanks for all the support thus far and especially for reading this long ass rant. See you!