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keanureevesisbae · 4 years ago

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sugar sugar - the planning 2.0

Summary: It’s a new year and the engaged couple are moving forward with their wedding planning.

Sugar Daddy!Henry Cavill x Becky Kim (asian OFC)

Warnings: Smut (like vibrator(s), slight anal play, squirting, slight punishment)

Wordcount: 3.8k

Masterlist // Sugar Sugar Masterlist // Sugar Sugar the wedding Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

January 6th 5 p.m.

The entirety that is left of December I’ve been a slightly emotional mess. Okay, remove slightly, because I’m an emotional mess. Period. I don’t know what caused it. Maybe it’s the fact that we have our invitations ready. Maybe it’s because Christmas spend as an engaged couple was a little overwhelming. Maybe spending New Years together in a club with my friends and my fiancé was too much of a change after spending them in pretty much solitude for many years.

So, it doesn’t surprise me at all that I have been bawling non stop for one of my final fittings for my wedding dress. It’s absolutely gorgeous. It hugs me in all the right places and I feel like such a bride in it.

When I walk into Henry’s office, I see he is alone with some paperwork. Henry looks up from his desk and smiles widely when he notices it’s me. ‘Hi sweetheart. How was the dress fitting?’

Oh goodness, there are the tears again. ‘Oh no, I’m sorry.’

He perks up in his seat, immediately alert because of the tears. ‘Was it no good?’ he asks me, ushering me over.

‘No, honey, it was amazing. The dress is so beautiful.’ I sit on his desk after he cleaned it up for me and I let out a deep sigh. ‘It’s just one step closer to becoming a bride.’

He nods with a smile. ‘It sure is. I can’t wait to marry you.’ Henry examines my face and he asks: ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’

‘Yeah, I’m totally okay. It’s just that I’ve been super duper emotional these passed few weeks. It’s just me being idiotic, so please just indulge me.’

‘I don’t think it’s idiotic,’ he says. ‘But when my future wife isn’t feeling well, I might as well make sure she feels better. Is there something I can do, baby girl?’

‘It’s fine, it’s fine,’ I chuckle. ‘Just silly old me being overly emotional, so let’s forget it. On another note, how are you doing? You have a lot of work to do?’

He nods. ‘Yeah, but I can take it home with me. The walls are closing me in, so to speak.’

‘How about,’ I say, ‘you and I go have something to eat? I’m starving.’

Henry agrees to that a little too quickly. In lightening speed, he packed his suitcase and holds me hand as we walk towards the elevator. People in the company slowly began to notice that I was dating the boss and they have all been very supportive.

To our faces, but I think they mean it.

Once Henry and I got in his car, he doesn’t start it up immediately. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but he gives me a desperate kiss on my lips. ‘Are you alright?’ I ask him.

‘I just missed you a lot,’ he says. ‘Might’ve had some never ending phone calls. I’m glad to finally see you. I might be a little obsessed with you.’

I blush. ‘I’m such a lucky woman,’ I admit.

Henry now does start the car and as he drives through the busy New York streets, he asks me where I want to eat. I simply shrug, telling him he can decide. He gets this slightly smug grin on his lips, but it’s not new to me.

Ever since our little conversation, where I just called it as it is (he is pretty much a dom and I’m probably the biggest sub he’ll ever encounter), he has been actively enjoying it a lot more. Every time I say he can decide, every time I ask him to make a phone call for me, every time I ask his opinion on some clothing, it kinda feeds his ego.

Of course it’s not exactly like they describe it online, but with the way we do it, it feels so natural with him. It’s exactly the way I like it.

We stop at one of my favorite places to eat and when Henry and I walk in, the waiter seems to recognize us. He even asks us if we want the usual, which we both want. Henry and I are seated next to each other and we stare at the aquarium.

Henry has his arm wrapped around my shoulders, as he sighs deeply in content. We’re sitting pretty secluded, just the way Henry likes it. Privacy is a big deal to him and I don’t disagree with it. When my friends and I go out to the clubs he can get us into, he makes sure there is a safe spot for us to sit, lots of privacy and sometimes it comes with a bouncer, making sure no unwanted guests are joining us.

‘You’re tired,’ I note, my eyes following the clownfish that is swimming around. ‘Can I help you with something?’

‘No, no, baby, don’t you worry about me,’ he says. He presses a kiss on my forehead, before whispering in my ear: ‘Daddy’s alright, baby girl.’

My friends know about us, about me calling him daddy every now and then, but they had yet to catch us. Until a few days ago, where I forgot they were around and I mindlessly let it slip when he was preparing some breakfast for us. The audible gasp both Genevieve and Viola let out, caused me to actually wanting to die of shame and they haven’t let it go ever since.

But hearing him refer to himself as daddy, makes me forget all about that mortifying moment, and simply lets me appreciate what we have.

Henry and I enjoy our food, sip on our drinks as we share some simple stories of today. ‘What are your plans for later today?’ he asks me. ‘Or tomorrow?’

‘Not much, since the boss isn’t allowing me to “overwork” myself.’

He chuckles. ‘I heard the weather is gonna be killing tomorrow. I already told the other employees they can work from home.’

‘Oh,’ I say, ‘so, you’re staying home too?’

‘I am. I was thinking about maybe starting on our guest list?’

‘Starting?’ I ask him. ‘You probably forgot about Genevieve being involved. We already have a guest list. We can maybe go look for the perfect wedding rings. Oh my, we could do that.’

‘Sounds good to me.’ He takes my hand in his, admiring the engagement ring. ‘We could go for something similar to each other, but yours much more dainty.’

‘You checked rings already?’

‘I might’ve,’ he admits. ‘Just want the best for you.’

‘I love you,’ I whisper, as my heart swells with love and adoration. ‘I love you so much.’

February 14th 9 p.m.

It’s that time again. It’s that time where Henry decided to use the vibrator again with remote control. The catch this time? We’re not in our penthouse, not at his office totally shut off for other people to come in. We’re at a restaurant celebrating my birthday.

He does this from time to time, simply because he seems to enjoy me suffering, however this is the first time we’re actually in public. We’re sitting next to one another, staring over the city at night, as my leg is moving up and down nervously. The vibrations come and go and each time I’m so close, he must sense it, because he turns it off completely.

‘Baby girl,’ he says in a dangerous tone, ‘careful with your lips, now. Don’t chew on them.’

I let out a sigh, followed by a pout. ‘You’re torturing me,’ I whimper.

Almost like he was waiting on me admitting it, because the vibrations slowly come back to life. ‘I am?’

I nod. ‘Please, let’s just get out of here. I already finished my dessert.’

‘But I haven’t.’ He leans back and takes a sip of his drink. ‘Have I told you you look absolutely stunning tonight?’

I look down my silver dress, that is pretty flashy, but in this restaurant everyone looks showy here. Compared to them, I look pretty modest. ‘Yes, you did,’ I say.

Henry gently leans down, giving me a kiss on my forehead. ‘I love you, you’re doing so well.’ I receive another kiss on the tip of my nose and he descends to my lips.

I whimper against him, as I push my legs together, desperate for some friction, some touch. Anything. ‘Daddy,’ I mumble against his lips.

‘You want to go home, baby?’

‘Yes, please.’

He smiles. ‘Okay, let me help you in your coat,’ he says, finally taking a bit of pity on me. ‘Baby girl, you’re doing so well.’

I stand up on wobbly legs and he helps me in my coat. I zip it up and the two of us walk out of this place. Henry holds my purse in his hand, while the other is securely placed on the small of my back. He tells the limo chauffeur to drive towards home and we get in the back.

As the limo starts to drive, Henry unzips my coat and smiles. ‘Let’s take this all off.’

‘All of it? I can’t. I have to get from the limo back to the apartment, remember?’

‘That is why you’re wearing a longer coat, baby girl,’ he retorts. ‘Take it off.’

I do as he tells me to. I take off the coat, before I push the straps of my dress down. Since this isn’t a dress that requires a bra, I’m left in nothing but my flimsy thongs. He orders me to give them to him and like usual, they end up in his pocket. He actually takes the damn time to neatly fold my dress so he can put it in my purse.

Besides my heels, I’m totally naked in the back of the limo. I think it’s good that Henry owns this limo and pays this driver a lot of money. I wonder if the driver knows what is up—especially since this isn’t the first time we’ve had some sexual escapades in the back—but there isn’t a lot of time to think about it, as Henry pulls me on his lap. His lips wrap around my hardened nipple, his teeth softly sinking into it. He turns on the vibrator, as his bulge pressing against my clit. His hands are kneading the flesh of my behind. It’s so messy. We’re so messy, but that is what I love about him. No matter how dirty it gets, he always wants more. More of me. More of us.

He spreads my asscheeks apart, before on of his fingers gently touches my puckered hole, before letting it slip passed the tight muscle. ‘One day,’ he whispers, ‘it’ll be a lot more than just my finger, baby.’

The moan that’s caused because of all that, is a lot louder than I originally intended and he gives me a firm and loud smack on my behind.

The driver definitely knows now what we’re doing.

‘Quiet, baby girl,’ he grunts, ‘otherwise this pretty ass of yours is gonna be very red and very painful for you to sit on.’

I nod, as I resit on his lap a little, causing the vibrator to shift a bit and it hits the exact right spot. Keeping it quiet is nearly impossible, especially because he has been teasing me the entire night. His hand lands on my ass again and again and again. ‘What did I just say?’

‘Sorry, daddy, it’s just that… I’m so close.’ I am already clenching around the toy and Henry kisses me to stop me from making to much noise. It’s barely working, as I ride out my high on his lap. He turns off the vibrator with a smile and his finger exits from my tight hole. He helps me in my coat and says: ‘I believe we’re almost home.’

With nothing but a very short coat on and the vibrator still buried deep inside of me, the two of us get out of the limo. I avoid eye contact with the driver, who despite his own best efforts, can’t hide the fact that he knows exactly what happened back there. After Henry gave him a ridiculously large tip, we walk towards the entrance of our building. It’s freezing cold and it’s not helping that the insides of my thighs are still a bit wet.

We step into the elevator and Henry stands behind me, his hand on my side, as a group of business men and women also step in. They are loud, meaning that Henry could easily turn on the vibrator and no one would notice.

Great minds must think alike, because he turns it on. I somehow manage to keep it sort of together, but it’s hard, especially with the way I feel my hardened nipples rub against the inside of my coat and Henry’s noticeable bulge pressed against my butt.

The carpet all of the sudden has all my attention.

The group steps off on the second floor and that leaves just the two of us. Henry steps in front of me, blocking the entrance as his hands slips underneath the hem of the coat. He pats my bare bottom a few times. ‘Good girl,’ he whispers.

‘Daddy,’ I whimper, ‘I’m close again.’

‘You better hold it.’

With the vibrator still on, I manage to wobble to the door of our apartment. The second the door closes, Henry nearly rips off my coat and cages me in between his arms and the wall. ‘Fuck, how did I get so lucky? You did well, baby girl. Daddy is so proud of you.’

‘Please,’ I beg, nearly in tears, ‘can I cum now?’

He gives me a soft peck on my lips, a sweet gesture compared to what he has been doing all night. ‘Of course.’

My legs start to shake, as I wrap my arms around his neck to keep me standing up. My eyes roll back, as the familiar feeling washes over me. ‘Oh daddy,’ I moan out, as I feel my juices squirt passed the vibrating egg, down my legs onto the floor. It’s all becoming too much, so I reach down to grab the string and pull it out.

As I’m panting, Henry seizes my wrist. ‘What did you do?’ he asks, turning the vibrator off. ‘Tell me, what did you do?’

Oh shit, I think something bad. ‘I couldn’t take it anymore, daddy.’

‘Then why didn’t you safe word?’

Why didn’t I? ‘I don’t know,’ I say, but when he cocks his eyebrow, I realize that won’t do. ‘It wasn’t necessary.’

He tsks, a sound he barely makes. ‘I’m disappointed in you, baby girl.’ He drags me with him to the bedroom and pushes me on the bed. Not gonna lie, this is turning me on way more than I originally expected. He holds my chin in between his fingers, as he forces me to look up. ‘If you don’t like something anymore,’ he says in a dangerously low tone, ‘then you safe word. But never ever take matters into your own hands like that.’

Fuck, this alone nearly causes my next orgasm. ‘I’m sorry, daddy.’

‘You’re damn right you’re sorry.’ He unbuttons his shirt, revealing his broad chest that over the course of the last few weeks only got broader and stronger. ‘And I’m gonna teach you a little lesson, baby girl.’

✤ ✤ ✤

After I don’t know how many orgasms with the vibrators (yes, plural), he turns them both off as I try to catch my breath. Him plunging my beloved vibrator deep inside of me. Him pressing the other one onto my super sensitive clit. He was torturing me, making me cum over and over and over again. Trying to teach me a lesson. The wet covers of the bed are the evidence of how many times I already came. He was slightly pissed at me, but also continued to whisper that I could safe word whenever I needed to.

Henry sits in between my legs and without much teasing or preparation enters me, burying himself deep inside of me. A gasp escapes my lips, as his girth is a world apart from the vibrator. He pushes his heavy chest onto mine, grabbing my hands and holding them with just one of his above my head.

Henry has never done such thing. Never took he this much control, never was he like this. But then again, never did I do something that would disappoint him. His lips are dangerously close and he says: ‘Tell me baby girl, whose pussy is this?’

What a question, but I know the answer. ‘Yours,’ I whisper. ‘Daddy, I’m so sorry.’

‘If you can’t take it anymore,’ he continues, ‘now or in the future, then you safe word. Promise me that.’

‘Yes, yes, yes, I promise.’

Henry gives me a kiss. It’s such a gentle move after the insane orgasm overstimulation act he just preformed on me. The throbbing pain is overruled by the sheer pleasure I feel of his thick length deep inside of me. ‘Are you gonna be a good girl for daddy?’

‘I will, I will. Always.’

His thrusts are slow, allowing me to take him all in and get used to his length. With every thrust, he brushes against my extremely sensitive clit, earning him soft whimper like moans. His lips press attentive kisses on my lips. ‘Good girl,’ he praises me, ‘such a good girl.’

My mind is so cloudy and foggy, but his lovely words still make an impact. ‘I love you.’

Henry smiles. ‘I love you too, baby girl. Fuck, I love you so much.’

He slowly speeds up his thrusts, only for him to become a lot rougher too. The room is filled with indecent and vulgar sounds, but that doesn’t stop him. No, it even encourages him more. Henry doesn’t stop, not even as I turn into a crying and sobbing mess underneath him.

I know what to do when it gets too much and while it definitely feels like too much, I love how he uses me like this. He is the only one that I’ll ever allow to do this. He is the only one who can have this much control over me.

My legs start to quiver and I don’t even have to tell him that I’m close. My vision turns completely white for a few moments, as I cry out. ‘Fuck!’

‘I know baby, I know. I’m close.’ The sound he makes as he bottoms out, painting me from the inside, is probably the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. He crashes on top of me, making sure he doesn’t crush me under his weight. ‘You did well,’ he says with a proud smile. ‘Are you okay? I was’t too rough on you, was I?’

I try to catch my breath, but I shake my head. ‘No, no, you weren’t. Don’t you worry. I’m so sorry,’ I sniffle.

He pushes some hairs out of my face and gives me a kiss. ‘It’s okay.’

‘You’re not mad at me?’ I place my hand in the back of his neck. ‘I didn’t mean to.’

‘Baby, baby, baby,’ he says, ‘I know you didn’t. Just know that whenever you don’t feel good, it’s becoming too much for you, you safe word. I need you to safe word, baby. Do it for daddy, okay?’

‘Of course, I will,’ I say, swallowing hard. ‘You’re really not mad at me?’

‘Hey, hey, it’s all good,’ he says. ‘I’m not mad at you, never was. Stop worrying about it, okay? Please, baby girl.’

‘I just love you a lot and I hate to disappoint you.’

‘I know you do,’ he says with a smile. ‘I love you a lot as well. And because I’m your boss, I’m willing to give you a day off tomorrow.’

I start to laugh. ‘Oh, how gracious of you.’

‘Want a bath, darling? Or you want to go to the sauna?’

‘Maybe a sauna is nice, and a bath afterwards?’

Henry nods and pulls out, causing me to slightly shiver on the bed. ‘Sit still, okay? I’ll be right out.’

As I am relaxing on the bed, regaining some strength in my legs, Henry walks around, preparing the sauna and I hear he is actually turning on the jacuzzi as well for after the sauna. He carries me out of the bed and whispers he’ll clean the bed later on. He sits on one of the wooden benches, tucking me securely on his lap. I was already sweaty, but despite that, it’s nice to be hugged by the warm air provided by the sauna. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, giving him a kiss in his neck.

His fingertips run up and down my spine. ‘Baby girl, can you tell me why you didn’t safe word?’

‘I don’t know,’ I whisper.

‘You didn’t feel safe enough to do it?’

‘It kinda slipped my mind.’

Henry nods, pressing his lips on my hair line. ‘I only want what’s best for you,’ he says. ‘And if you’re overwhelmed, tell me, okay?’

I nod. ‘I will. I promise.’

✤ ✤ ✤

It’s late by the time the two of us get in bed. Since it’s winter after all, I dressed myself in one of his long sleeved shirts, while my personal heater is in nothing but some boxers. I place my head on his chest and his hand finds mine. He holds my fingers, as his thumb runs over the engagement ring.

‘Honey,’ I say, ‘want to hear about a dream I had the other day?’

‘Always.’

‘I dreamed about having kids last night with you.’

‘Really?’ he asks me. ‘Color me intrigued. What happened in that dream?’

‘Nothing much. Just you and me sitting on a porch, looking over the yard and seeing our kids run around, maybe even a dog.’

‘I keep thinking about that as well,’ he chuckles. ‘The whole idea of having kids with you makes me realize how fortunate I am that you’re gonna be my wife. When do you want to start trying?’

‘Maybe a few months after our wedding? I know that I probably won’t get pregnant straight away after I stopped taking the pill, but I’d like to enjoy a few more months of you and I as a married couple.’

He nods. ‘I agree. It’s just that I can’t wait for you and I to start a family. To spoil you and the children rotten.’

‘But we still have to keep them humble,’ I say. ‘I’m serious, Henry.’

‘Of course, of course,’ he quickly says. ‘They should never take anything for granted.’

I close my eyes, placing my leg over his. ‘Do you think we should move places?’

He nods. ‘Totally, because I want to make that dream of yours come true. I want a yard, so we can build treehouses, have toys scattered all around and what not.’

I smile. It’s like he is reading my mind. ‘When are we gonna start looking for a place?’

‘After the wedding?’ he suggests.

I nod. ‘After the wedding.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x becky kim #sugar daddy!henry cavill #becky kim #asian ofc #sugar sugar #sugar sugar the wedding

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softyoongiionly · 4 years ago

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Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Seventeen

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, College! Yoongi, Sub! Yoongi

Word Count: 9.1k

A/N: Hi friends! Here is a new chapter for you. I know it’s been a super duper long time since I’ve updated this series but, I plan on wrapping up the current timeline (wink wink) within the first half of the year! Special shoutout to my amazing friend @bulletproofbirdy who I love so so much. Without her big genius brain, I would literally not be able to get through any of my wip. Another huge shoutout to @gldnrecs @kithtaehyung @yoonia and @randombtsprincessa for being my lil hype team. I love you! Also, thank you to everyone over at @bangtansorciere. I am so grateful to have met so many lovely new friends this year! okiii bye. I hope you like it!

NOTE: all bolded words indicate when characters are speaking Korean

Warnings for this Chapter: ok here we go…(TRIGGER WARNING)

moderate angst, drug use (marijuana), mentions of anxiety, brief allusions to physical abuse, very brief allusions to drug addiction, alcohol

Chapter Seventeen: Daegu and Dirty Laundry

No thoughts, head empty (and in Yoongi’s lap)

The two of you are in his living room, bags packed by the front door, awaiting the cab to take you to the airport.

In a few short hours, you were leaving on a plane to Daegu to visit Yoongi’s older brother and, you can tell by the way he’s shuffled around all morning that he’s anxious.

Thankfully, Hoseok and Namjoon woke up with him, knowing that emotions would be high and well- offered to get him high.

“This is a really good indica strain hyung,” Hoseok assures him as he hands over a zip-lock bag, “I rolled a joint with this last night and passed out in like 30 minutes.”

Yoongi, dressed in an all-black sweat outfit, accepts the bag into the palm of his hand, before grabbing the pipe that’s resting on the couch cushion beside him.

“Did you get it from that same guy?” Yoongi asks, his voice heavy beneath the obvious tension he’s feeling.

Despite his attempts to remain casual, you know him well enough to feel how nervous he is. He’s practically vibrating beneath you but, you know that pointing this out will only make it worse so instead, you merely rub the outside of his thigh whilst he packs his pipe.

“Yeah, Jin’s friend-” Hoseok responds before nodding to Namjoon, “He’s honestly killing it right now. Jin told me he’s made like 5 grand already.”

Namjoon raises his brows, “Really? Damn, that’s impressive, I’ve never heard of anyone taking off that fast.”

“Jin has a lot of contacts-” Yoongi offers, adjusting the bud once more before grabbing his lighter, “it probably helped him get started. Plus, I think a lot of people around here have been looking for a good plug. Whatever he’s doing is working though, the high from last night was pretty good.”

At Yoongi’s comment, Hoseok’s lip melt into a salacious smirk as he raises his brows and jerks his chin towards you, “Are you sure it had nothing to do with that one over there?” He teases, “Yah, what are you so quiet for? You haven’t given me shit all morning...”

His comment makes you giggle but Yoongi cuts in before you’re able to respond.

“She’s tired, leave her alone.” He scolds but his lips twitch at the sound of your laughter.

Hoseok snickers as you finally decide to sit up. You can feel Yoongi’s eyes on you even as he lifts the pipe to his mouth. Tucking yourself into the side of the couch, you finally decide to add to the conversation.

“Is the guy you pick up named Yugyeom by chance?” The sleepiness in your tone is more obvious than you were expecting and, it makes Yoongi smile to himself whilst he lights his pipe.

Namjoon nods, “Yeah, it is. Do you know him?”

Yoongi’s attention is on you even as he inhales his first hit, the nerves in his body standing at attention, waiting to be soothed.

“He was in my human sexuality class.” You remember, with a grin on your lips, “That’s actually where I met Jin too. I just had a feeling that it was him because, he literally always came to class high. Plus, him and Jin were like inseparable.”

Namjoon winces, “Of all the people to get stuck learning about sex with. I’m sorry...”

This makes you laugh, as your mind journey’s back to all the days you spent trying not to make a scene as Jin made sexual puns in the middle of a serious lecture.

“It definitely kept things interesting...” You offer, “I’m glad to hear that Yugyeom is thriving on his own. He mentioned his dad wanted him to join the family business but, I could never picture that man in a suit.”

Hoseok chuckles before his face tightens with intrigue, “Oof that makes one of us. He would look fine as hell in a suit.”

Namjoon grins, nudging Hoseok with his foot, “You got a thing for him?”

For the first time, you see a hint of shyness overcoming Hoseok’s demeanor but he shrugs it off, trying to appear casual, “I mean- I don’t know about all that. I’m just saying that he would look good in a suit.”

“You’d both look good in suits- together...” You offer, grinning at him, “Maybe in a private venue somewhere...”

Hoseok rolls his eyes but the smile creeping onto his lips is unmistakable, “Shut up- you guys are fucking wild. All I said is that he was hot...”

Giggling, you shrug your shoulders before nodding over to Yoongi, “Yeah well that’s how it starts-” You warn, “Then the next thing you know, you’re sitting on the subway, simping over a selfie he sends you.”

Yoongi’s soft lips immediately turn up in a small smile, the shy boy in him peeking out. At first, he says nothing as he merely passes the pipe to Namjoon, who mirrors a similar expression.

Hoseok is back to his normal mischief, feeling relieved that the heat is off him for the time being.

“Are you saying you’d marry Yoongi then?”

He expects you to be flustered by this question but, the answer is simple.

“This man?” You raise your brows as you point to Yoongi, “You’re asking me if I would marry this man right here? Hoseok- I would wife this man up so quickly, it would give you whiplash.”

Your comment causes the three of them to laugh and, to add to the shifting vibe of the room, you feel Yoongi wrap his arm around you in an effort to pull you into his side.

“You can’t say shit like that right in front of them, they don’t need to see me soft...” He mumbles shyly in your ear before kissing your cheek, his heart singing with validation.

“Hyung, you act like we don’t already know who whipped you are for this girl.” Hoseok laughs, eagerly accepting the pipe from a coughing Namjoon.

Yoongi ignores him with his arm still around you, checking his phone with the other hand, “The cab should be here soon, do you need anything before we go?”

“Hyung, you’re gonna leave your piece here right? Cause we kinda need it-”

Namjoon eyes him suspiciously, “What happened to your bong?”

Hoseok cringes, “I may have accidentally dropped it off the rooftop...”

Namjoon’s eyes blow wide open, “What the fuck were you doing on the rooftop to begin with?”

“I wanted to vibe! The bud was good and, I wanted to listen to the J. Cole album and get in my feelings hyung, get off my dick-” He laughs, playfully defensive.

“Hey that’s J Cole song-” You point out giggling at the double meaning, the exhaustion from earlier finding you once again.

“Exactly, I’m glad you caught that-” Hoseok winks at you before Yoongi finally responds.

“I’m not going to take my pipe through international security. Pot isn’t legal in Korea so, I wouldn’t be smoking while we were there anyway.”

“Oh shit that’s right-” Namjoon remembers, “I really need to keep up with what’s been going on back home, I heard they were opening the discussion about it recently but, I haven’t kept up with it.”

Hoseok interjects, “What about your brother? He probably has connections.”

Yoongi shrugs, “He might but, I'm not going to worry about it.” He glances at his phone again before turning it towards you, “Our car is here, you ready to go?”

You offer him a small smile as you nod, your cheek tingling still as he places another kiss to it.

He stands up first before holding his hand out to you. Eagerly, you lace your fingers with his and, hoist yourself off the couch.

“Alright you two-” Namjoon stands too, brushing his hands over the front of his hoodie, “Try and send us updates when you can yeah?” He shoots a look towards Yoongi that is filled with an emotion that breaches casual concern.

Yoongi understands perfectly, offering Namjoon a solemn nod in return as he pats his shoulder, “Yeah I will. I’ll text you when we land...”

Moments later, the two of you are in the back of the cab. Yoongi takes the middle seat so he can be close to you, his fingers are interlaced tightly with your own despite the fact that his hand is already sweating.

He’s anxious.

You can feel it and, you’re faced with two options.

Address it

Distract him

It’s not an easy choice but, you figure this weekend will already be filled with heightened emotions so, you’re not sure if you should breach this topic so early. At the same time though, you don’t want to act like nothing’s wrong and dismiss what he’s clearly feeling.

So, you land somewhere in the middle.

Yoongi’s jaw is loaded with tension as you reach over and turn his face towards yours. He doesn’t register what you’re doing at first but he is in tune with your touch as always so, he doesn’t question it.

Leaning in, you tuck your lips between his own, whilst your free hand comes up to encase the side of his face. You feel him relax beneath your kiss, a sigh leaving his nose as he kisses you back slowly.

You pull away, pecking at his lips a few times, your thumb rubbing over his cheek.

“It’s going to be ok.” You murmur softly for the sake of his privacy, “We’re going to get through this.”

Yoongi’s eyes open just enough to show you the sheer amount of trust present in them.

He believes everything that comes out of your mouth and, despite the anxiety that’s raging inside of him, he knows you’re right.

Pressing his cheek against your hand, a soft smirk graces his lips as he resists the urge to pour his heart out to you for the millionth time.

“I wish it was socially acceptable for you to kiss me like that every time I feel like this...”

You giggle, pecking his lips again for good measure, “It would make our psych presentation really interesting that’s for sure.”

He chuckles, his face adorably smushed against your hand, “I keep forgetting that we have to do that. I don’t even remember the last time we worked on it...”

“Me neither.” You say at first before your eyes light up with realization, “Oh my god wait- the last time was when we watched that horrible spider movie at my apartment! Ugh no wonder I couldn’t remember, I’m pretty sure I've blocked those images from my mind as a coping mechanism.”

Yoongi’s face lights up along with you, “Oh shit, that’s right-” He laughs, “Did we even finish our lists?”

The two of you share another round of laughter, caught up in the ridiculous realization that you had lowkey abandoned your final project.

You lean over to pull your phone out of your purse, “Here let me check-” Scrolling through your notes app, you find the project tab before allowing your eyes to wander over it, “It looks like I still have deep water and you technically still have night clubs and horror movies. But I mean- you did perform in a night club recently so I feel like that should count.”

He nods thoughtfully before his face lights up with realization once more, “Oh yeah, I already wrote about that in the research journal, I forget to tell you. That was definitely more of a direct confrontation than I was planning.” He chuckles, “We did sit on the beach and read terrifying facts about the depth of the ocean for mine, would that be enough for you to write about?”

The two of you have maneuvered so that you’re tucked into Yoongi’s side again, his arm draping comfortably around your shoulders.

“You still have horror movies left though so, I feel like I should maybe confront one more directly too. Besides, I have a feeling that I’ll be able to distract myself in the water if you’re there-” You mumble suggestively, which causes him to smirk as he leans his head back against the seat.

“Oh yeah?” He jerks his head towards you “How so?”

Resting your face on his chest, you smile to yourself and think of a response that’s appropriate for a perfect stranger aka your cab driver, to hear.

“Cause if something touches my feet in the water, I could simply latch myself to your back for safety purposes.” You explain matter of factly.

“If something touched your foot while we were in the water, I’d swim away so fucking fast- I don’t think you’d have time to latch on.” He explains through his laughter

Scoffing, you smack your hand against his chest as you sit up fully, wiggling out of his grip, “So you’d just leave me to die???” You accuse, “Also, last time I checked- you weren’t an Olympic swimmer, what makes you think you’d just zoom out of there???”

Yoongi’s cackling at this point, his hand on his stomach, his previously tense features now smoothed out beneath his amusement, “I’m not saying I would leave you necessarily-”

“Necessarily!” You point out, laughter erupting from your lips as you pinch his side, “After everything we’ve been through, you’re really just gonna let a sea monster eat me!?”

His eyes widen, as his laughter increases, “A sea monster?! Who said anything about a sea monster? Where did they come in????”

“I said something touched my foot???? Obviously that means there is a sea monster, lurking in the depths, trying to eat me and you-” You poke his sternum, “You just said you would leave me to die!”

Yoongi’s face is reddened with the force of his own laughter, his hand subconsciously coming up to cover your own. With his eyes tearing up and his mouth parted to make way for his giggling, you can’t help but admire how beautiful he is.

Especially when he’s laughing...

He wipes his eyes with his free hand, still chuckling lightly to himself even as he brings your hand to his mouth, “Alright, alright- let's be clear- I would never leave you to die.” He promises, still smirking as he kisses the back of your hand, “Realistically, I’d probably panic and jump on YOUR back.”

With narrowed eyes, you wiggle the fingers he has pressed to his lips, “Well I don’t know how that would work out because, I’d probably you know- swim away so fucking fast that I don’t know if you’d have time to latch on...”

Yoongi snickers as you imitate his voice but, rather than retaliate he simply tugs you by the hand his currently holding and, kisses you.

It’s soft and sweet- lasting only for a few seconds until he’s pulling away.

“Thank you for coming with me.” He says suddenly, the volume of his voice decreasing significantly.

And as usual, you know that he wants to say way more than he does. But you’re perfectly fine with that.

Yoongi’s subtly is a specific brand and, you’ve grown to love how the little things he does allows him to pack so much emotion into a simple phrase.

You feel lucky to love such a special person.

“Of course.” You return his simplicity, pecking his lips once more before settling back in your original position.

The airport was a blur.

You’re thankful it passes quickly because, the process of getting through security makes you anxious.

Yoongi ushers you into your seat before taking both of your bags and, storing them in the overhead compartment. You can’t help but smile as he turns to help an older woman with her luggage as well.

He smiles ( :] ) at her, bowing his head slightly as she thanks him. Yoongi offers her a tiny wave and takes his seat beside you, not noticing the way you smile fondly at him.

When he takes his seat beside you, the two of you settle into a comfortable silence. Once the flight crew permits it, Yoongi takes his laptop out and begins toying around with one of his songs. You pull your headphones out as well and find one of your favorite playlists. Leaning back against the seat, your eyes eventually begin to droop until you can no longer keep them open.

The next thing you know, you’re being woken up by someone gently patting your thigh.

“Sleepy girl...” Yoongi croons in Korean, the sound of his voice alone making you smile, “We’re landing soon.”

Slightly disoriented, you blink your eyes a few times before you’re finally able to focus on your boyfriend’s face.

You slump against him, rubbing your cheek against the material of his hoodie. He chuckles softly, his arm sliding out from underneath you in order to drape across your shoulders.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep.” You mumble

He chuckles again, nodding with a false sense of consideration, “Ah yes, you missed so much. Two hours ago, the flight attendant came by and asked if we wanted anything to drink. It was a wild ride...”

Giggling sleepily, you shake your head at his sarcasm before pointing at his laptop.

“Were you working on your composition project?”

He bites his bottom lip and shakes his head, a bashful expression on his face “No, it was just a song I’ve been working on for a while now.”

He leaves it at that and, due to the signal from the flight crew, Yoongi begins putting his stuff away as the rest of the cabin prepares for landing.

“Are we taking the train?” You mumble, still fighting off the remnants of your nap.

Yoongi purses his lips, his eyes narrowed in concentration whilst he scrolls through his phone.

“No, I have a cab waiting for us.” He responds, “It says it’s already here. So, when you get out of customs, just meet me right outside. It should just be a straight shot from immigration.”

You nod and rest your head back against his shoulder, “Okay.”

He puts his phone away, allowing his hand to find yours. Intertwining your fingers, he takes a deep breath- his mind clearly elsewhere. You squeeze his hand to acknowledge this but, the two of you don’t comment on it.

There is no need.

With the tightening of your grip, so much has already been said.

Less than a half hour later, the two of you are once again seated in the back of the cab.

“It’s probably going to rain a lot while we’re here.” Yoongi explains, his voice low and slow, “This is Daegu’s rainy season. I’ve been checking the weather periodically and it looks like there might be a storm coming but, it doesn’t look too severe.”

You look at the window after his comment, noticing that the sky is overflowing with heavy clouds, swollen and gray with the promise of rain.

“We’re approaching monsoon season, we call it uh- jangma.” He tells you and his explanation makes you smile.

Despite the circumstances, you’re very honored and excited to be in Yoongi’s hometown. You know the memories he associates with this place are complex but, there is a shift in his tone now and, he sounds eager to teach you about this place: the place he called home for so long.

And you’d gladly listen for hours.

“Jangma-” You repeat, trying to get the pronunciation right, causing him to refocus his attention back on you. He smiles softly and nods,

“Good job.”

Your heart skips a beat at his approval as you return his smile, “Is there gonna be thunder?”

Yoongi chuckles, “Do you want there to be thunder?”

You nod eagerly, “I love storms. When I was little, I would just sit at the window and watch them go by. I’m pretty sure our neighbors thought I was crazy. But I don’t know- I've always had a thing for bad weather...”

He smirks, glancing out the window and then back at you, “That explains a lot.”

Giggling, you cock your head, “What do you mean?”

Yoongi gestures to himself, his now playful gaze looking at you expectantly. You laugh at his insinuation,

“I see the resemblance.” You concede, gently patting his cheek, “You’re not nearly as gloomy as you think you are though.”

“To you-” He retorts, “You always forget that...”

“Pleaaaase.” You disagree, “You’re soft for other people too, don’t lie. I’ve seen the way you deal with Namjoon and Hobi...”

He shakes his head, “Yeah but things are still different with you, I don’t think you realize that.”

You nudge yourself underneath his arm once more, cuddling up with him as best as you can in the back of a cab.

“I know you’re especially-” You emphasize the word, “soft for me. I’m just saying that you come across more approachable than you think you do.”

Yoongi smirks to himself, seemingly understanding something that you don’t.

“Soft is an understatement.” He retorts, turning to kiss the top of your head.

“Whateverrrr.” You tease him, your eyes trailing down to focus on his hands, “I’m still right.”

He chuckles, his figure shaking lightly beneath you, “You usually are.”

The cab pulls off of the highway, and it’s then that you begin to notice the way the scenery around you shifts from a middle class/ metropolitan vibe to something much much...fancier.

Through the winding streets, the cab begins taking the two of you up a pretty steep hill before turning onto a street full of ridiculously nice houses.

White marble, giant glass windows, and driveways filled to the brim with luxury vehicles zip by as the car turns down another street. Similar in theme but greater in size, the new street had much larger houses on more sizeable plots of land- likely designed to give the owners privacy amongst their neighbors.

You can feel Yoongi’s eyes on you then and, you know very well that he’s observing your reaction.

He knows that even though he told you his brother was wealthy that, that phrase alone wouldn’t be enough to properly convey what that entailed.

“This neighborhood is really beautiful,” You observe softly, eyes still glued to the window, “The architecture is so different than anything I’ve ever seen.”

And of course, this makes Yoongi smile.

Because of course, you aren’t making a fuss about the degree of luxury before you. You’re finding the beauty in what otherwise is a very stressful situation.

Finally, the cab pulls into a driveway right behind a black Tesla before putting the car in park.

He and Yoongi exchange a few words in Korean as Yoongi hands him a small wad of money.

“Thank you.” You murmur to the cab driver with a slight bow of your head to which he responds with a tight smile and a similar bow.

You and Yoongi unload your bags from the trunk and as he is reaching for your hand, the front door of the house swings open.

A man a few inches taller than Yoongi steps out. His black hair is neatly arranged in a middle part and he’s dressed in a beige turtleneck and white slacks. As he comes closer, the resemblance between the two of them is staggering.

“Hello!” He calls with a warm smile, his voice bright, “Welcome! Come on in, the rain is supposed to pick back up soon.”

His expression only glows as he spots his younger brother. He looks excited to see him but, his movements are apprehensive.

The unspoken tension is already present and, you can feel Yoongi almost freeze up as he draws near. Subtly, you coax him along offering his brother a warm smile as the two of you approach the landing just in front of his door.

Normally, you don’t get nervous when meeting new people but, this situation is laced with so much complexity- you aren’t sure how to act.

Thankfully Yoongi finally speaks, “Good to see you hyung. Thank you for having us on such short notice.” His tone is almost unrecognizable as he gestures to you, “This is my girlfriend Y/N. Y/N-” He gestures back to his brother, “This is my older brother Geum-jae hyung.”

Bowing your head slightly, you smile once more, “It’s very nice to meet you, thank you for having me.”

Geum-jae nods, eyeing you softly as his lips press into a tight line, “It’s so nice to meet you Y/N. I promise you, the pleasure is all mine.”

Yoongi motions for you to step in front of him so, you follow his lead and trail behind his brother through the doorway.

Geum-jae's home resembles a marble statue. It’s clean, beautiful and, elegant- but lifeless. Geum-jae has artwork of various styles all over his walls, crisp white couches, sleek granite countertops and, stainless-steel appliances however, there is not one bit of evidence that anyone even lives here. The house feels empty despite the amount of effort put into its appearance.

It makes you sad.

“You have a beautiful home.”

Your voice echoes off the dead weight of the walls, the paintings themselves seeming to arch a brow at your comment. Geum-jae however, smiles and nods graciously,

“Thank you. I just moved in not too long ago so, there is a lot I want to do. I definitely could have used this one’s expertise-” He nods to Yoongi, “He was always really good at that kind of stuff...”

Your boyfriend smirks, his eyes taking in his surroundings but failing to really focus on anything; he was too wound up, “You could have. I would have charged you though...”

Geum-jae chuckles and you see him glance at Yoongi fondly for a split second before he quickly reverts to his casual demeanor.

“I put you guys on the second floor facing the skyline-” He gestures to the ivory staircase, “I’m sure you want some time to freshen up and relax so, please take all the time you need. I’m having BBQ brought over tonight but, if you’re hungry- feel free to help yourself to whatever is in the kitchen.”

Yoongi allows you to step in front of him whilst taking the suitcase from your hands. The two men follow behind you as Geum-jae continues laying out the plans for the evening,

“I have a few virtual meetings to attend that I wasn’t able to move around but, I will be free as of 7 this evening. Until then, please make yourselves at home. I am really-” He seems to take a deep breath for emphasis, “really happy to have you here.”

“Thank you hyung.” Yoongi smiles slightly once the three of you reach the outside of the guest room, “Good luck with your meetings. Let me know if you need help with dinner.”

Geum-jae responds with a tight nod, “Will do. I’ll be in my office so, feel free to explore.” As he pushes open the door for you, he allows his own pained expression to meet yours, “I’m honored to meet you Y/N. Thank you for coming all this way with my brother.”

“Well-” You squeeze Yoongi’s hand gently, “He’s lucky I like him so much...”

Cheeks flushed, Yoongi rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but his lips are practically puckered against the smile he’s trying to stifle.

“That’s fair.” Geum-jae chuckles, “Let me know if you two need anything. I’ll just be downstairs...”

With that, Yoongi pushes open the door and allows you to step inside before following behind you.

“Wow.” You whisper to yourself as you take in the scene before you.

The walls are painted a soft gray and surrounding only three sides of the bedroom. The fourth wall is made entirely of glass and given that the house rests upon a hill, you’re able to make out the skyline of the inner city. A giant four poster bed sits in the middle of the room, covered completely in a white duvet and three rows of pillows. Dark gray curtains sit on either side of the massive window as various muted colors accent the room in the form of a dresser, two nightstands and, a set of couches at the end of the bed.

Yoongi is silent behind you as he sets the bags down at the entrance of the room. He pushes the door shut and allows his eyes to move over the space for a moment.

It's nice, he thinks, but he can’t find himself to be very impressed.

He knows where this money comes from and, even though his brother is out of the crime sector now, it still feels strange to acknowledge his wealth.

Noticing his silence, you turn towards him, eyes tracing over the features of his face to assess his mood.

With a slight and subconscious pout, he looks at you, his body seemingly full of a breath he wants to take.

“Do you want to lay down for a bit? I know you didn’t sleep on the plane.”

At your offer, he seems to deflate slightly, lips turning up at the corners, “I think I want to shower first...”

Immediately, you nod with an encouraging smile, “Yeah go shower babe, I’ll just-”

He interrupts you, sticking his hand out and flexing his fingers in a grabbing motion, “Come with me.”

His offer makes you giggle, “You want me to shower with you?”

Yoongi closes the distance between you, using his grabby hands to lock onto your hips, “No, I meant like come with me as in come watch me...yes I want you to shower with me.”

Your laughter heightens as you pinch his side, causing him to recoil before chuckling.

“You’re such a punk today...” You scold.

Yoongi simply chuckles warmly as he kisses the side of your head, the tone of his voice lowering significantly, “That usually means something to you doesn’t it?”

It does.

It usually means he’s having trouble vocalizing his needs and, he’s in need of attention. And the type of attention is usually a specific brand.

And it usually comes with a little bit of pain.

However, you don’t think it’s a good idea to indulge that side of Yoongi’s desires at the moment because, his emotions aren’t fully organized. You know the talk with his brother is causing him a lot of stress and, as much as you liked to wreck his body right now- you know it’s best to wait until later.

That doesn’t mean you can’t take care of him though...

“Come on-” You urge him, grabbing his hand and practically running towards the bathroom, “Let's get you clean, king.”

He laughs, stumbling into the bathroom which is just as nice and similarly colored as the room.

“I’m a king now?”

His question goes over your head as you notice the ridiculously oversized bathtub in the center of the room. Biting your lip, you turn towards him and point at it.

“Do you want to take a bath instead? The shower looks amazing and all but- this thing literally looks like a jacuzzi.”

Yoongi eyes it curiously, his teeth finding his bottom lip, looking a little apprehensive, “How would you want to sit in it though? I kinda uh- I kinda thought maybe we could stand under the water for a bit together, like last time...”

He wants you to hold him.

He’s not going to say it but, he needs it.

Like really bad.

You can see his nerves creeping into his posture so, you decide to act quickly before he somehow convinces himself that he’s being too needy.

Looking around the room, you spot a few things that could aid in his relaxation: candles, bubble bath, a neatly folded pile of fluffy gray towels...

“I’ll show you.” You assure him, “Close your eyes really quick- no peeking. I have a plan...”

Yoongi looks at you, suspicious all over his face, “I’m scared.”

Giggling, you raise your brows for emphasize, “Oh you should be-”

He can’t help but smirk at your tone despite the anticipation swimming in his gut. He trusts you though so, instead of arguing- he shuts his eyes.

Shuffling around the bathroom, you set things up in record time, turning the water on, pouring the rose scented bubble bath beneath the stream, and lighting a few candles along the ivory counter. Yoongi maintains his smirk the entire time, folding his arms across his chest, stifling his desire to make a snarky comment.

“Alright,” You sigh, dusting your hands off, “Ta daaaaa.”

Yoongi opens his eyes, blinking a few times before taking in the scene in front of him. It changes his smirk into a grin really quickly as his cat-like eyes flit over to you.

“Are you planning on sacrificing me?” He quips, nodding to the candles.

Snorting, you roll your eyes, “If you keep talking shit, I just might-” You threaten, laughter forming on the tail end of your sentence, “Get naked...”

Yoongi snickers, his face full of satisfaction as his finger tuck beneath his hoodie to tug it over his head. The two of you undress in a small bout of silence and attempt to sneak glances at one another’s naked form.

“I’m going to get in first and then you’re going to sit in front of me, between my legs...” You explain, trying not to shiver as the cool air of the bathroom begins to grow uncomfortable.

His brows raise, “Between your legs?” He confirms, “Say no more...”

Once again, your eyes are rolling but this time, there is a smile on your lips as you move to take your spot beneath the warmth of the water. Yoongi has to take a deep breath as he watches you, his emotions brewing dangerously beneath the surface at the sight of the woman he loves.

He still doesn’t fully understand it.

He is still meet with endless confusion when he starts to think about why you’ve chosen to be with him but, he knows better now than to question it.

You have your reasons, he thinks, and he has a million of his own.

Looking up from beneath the mountain of bubbles, you pat the top of them, looking at him expectantly, “Come here.”

He grabs the hand that you extend towards him, balancing himself on it whilst he steps into the tub. Modestly, he turns his body away from you for a second so he’s able to bend down before pivoting beneath the water and settling against your chest. The bathtub is big enough for the water to go past his shoulders and, he feels his entire body relax once he feels your body against his.

“Comfy?” You check, draping your arms across his chest.

Yoongi nods, his head leaning back and resting against your left shoulder. Once it lands there, you turn and kiss his temple which then prompts one of his hands to reach up rest on yours. Silently, you place a few more kisses against his hairline, allowing him to decompress however he wants to, not wanting to pressure him into talking about anything.

And he doesn’t, at least not for a while.

The only sounds between the two of you are the dribbling of water from the faucet and the low whisper of breathing. Every so often, you kiss his temple, just so he knows that he isn’t alone.

“Seeing my brother is really difficult.” He mumbles, eyes still closed, hand still on top of yours, “Even just seeing his face- it brings back a lot of memories.”

You nod, “I can imagine- especially since it’s been so long.”

Yoongi sighs, his eyes fluttering open and honing in on the ceiling, “I haven’t seen him since I was 18. He came to Sejin’s place just before I moved in with Namjoon. He tried to talk to me to let me know that he was leaving the business but, I barely said anything. I was too angry at him.”

Using your free hand, you rub softly at his chest under the water, silently encouraging him to continue.

“He never helped me when my father would-” He takes a deep breath through his nose, his throat bobbing as he swallows on the exhale, “the time I told you about, when my father hit me...that wasn’t the only time. It happened often towards the end.”

Your eyes shut momentarily, the pain of Yoongi being harmed stinging your heart like a shot.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper, kissing his temple again.

Yoongi’s face turns slightly into your lips, his hand squeezing over yours, “Don’t be. It was a long time ago. I held onto my disappointment in him for a while until I realized something: the only reason my father every laid his hands on me and not Geum-jae hyung was because, I stood up to him.”

“Geum-jae hyung never did and, I think he still carries that regret to this day. I can see it all over his face...” His voice is so low now that it barely makes it above a whisper, his eyes seemingly elsewhere. “Is it wrong that I feel like- like I didn’t just come here to save Sejin’s studio?”

You shake your head, “Not at all...”

He swallows again and takes another deep breath through his nose, “It’s hard you know- during winter break especially; everyone would leave campus and go home for the holidays...and I never knew where to go. For the first two years at school, I spent Christmas alone until Namjoon’s mom finally called me and told me that if I didn’t come back with him, that she was going to make him sleep outside.” He chuckles, smirking slightly at the memory.

Your heart fills with despair then. You didn’t piece it together that Yoongi would have stayed behind during the holiday season. There was so much to unpack from the tragedy that he’s endured; it didn’t even cross your mind.

“Namjoon’s mom was right to threaten you-” You affirm but then you shake your head, “I don’t think there could be a wrong reason to come here. You deserve to have whatever kind of closure or healing that you need.”

“I wish I knew what I needed...” He admits, licking his lips before turning towards you, his brown eyes holding all the emotions he can’t vocalize, “I wish everything was as easy as this.”

Following suit, you turn your head so that you’re facing him, “So do I. But I’ll always be here through all the not-so-easy stuff.”

Yoongi smiles then, soft and sweet, delivering a kiss to match. He relaxes into you, brushing his tongue along the inside of your lip just for a moment before pulling away.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Yoongi.”

Eventually, you both got out of the bathtub and into the shower so, that you were able to get clean properly. After a few hours of catching up on missed calls/texts and relaxing, Yoongi gets a text from his brother saying that dinner would be ready in 15 minutes.

Geum-jae had the finest BBQ in the city delivered and prepared right in his dining room. Banchan lined the center of the table, slabs of meat were grilled one right after the other until the three of you tapped out.

It passed easier than you thought it would. Yoongi and Geum-jae relaxed in the face of a meal, the conversation flowing effortlessly between them as if no time had passed. It was a touching sight to see and, you hoped that it meant their discussion would come out easier.

You take your leave after you help clean up, thanking Geum-jae for the incredible food and, letting Yoongi know that you’d be up in the room checking on something for school if he needed anything.

Which was a total lie but, you needed an excuse to leave them alone for a bit.

Yoongi feels his heartbeat pick up a bit as he watches you leave the room, the realization of what was coming finally hitting him.

“Hyung-” He wants to rip the band aid off. “Is it alright if we talk for a moment?”

Geum-jae raises his brows at the switch in languages and nods immediately, gesturing to the table, “Of course. Can we sit here? Or would you rather talk in the living room?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Here is fine.” He sits back down in his original seat and, rubs his palms against his jeans.

Geum-jae takes a seat across from him, gazing expectantly at his younger brother, “What did you want to talk about?”

Despite Yoongi’s anxiety, he understands that being to the point would be the most effective way to communicate. He wasn’t sure if any past issues would come up but, right now his concern was on Sejin.

“I know that I told you I needed your help with something but-” Yoongi begins, “It isn’t me who needs your help exactly...it’s Sejin.”

Geum-jae purses his lips, his hands coming out to clasp rest on the table, “Is he alright?”

“The landlord for the studio he runs is increasing his rent again and, he doesn’t have the money to keep it open...” Yoongi’s explanation gets a little rushed as he gets more and more nervous, “I have some money in savings to help out with rent for the next few months but, it’s not enough to keep it open long term and-”

Geum-jae cuts him off, “Tell Sejin to call me. I will send a team to his location to sort everything out. It wouldn’t be a bad building to purchase but if Sejin is willing- then maybe he can look at other properties and I’ll have the money wired over to him.”

Yoongi can’t hide the shock on his face, “Wait- are you serious?”

“Of course. Sejin is one of my dearest friends. I owe him a lot for what he’s done over the years.”

In this moment, regret washes over Geum-jae's face, his eyes reaching out to Yoongi’s in hopes that he understands what he’s alluding to.

And obviously, he does.

“Why didn’t you just call me?” Geum-jae continues, tilting his head to get a better look at Yoongi’s expression, trying to read him, “I’ve always told you that if you ever needed anything-”

“I haven’t talked to you in 8 years hyung, I wasn’t just going to call and ask you for a favor.”

Geum-jae nods, his face tightening with solemnity, “I understand.” A brief moment of silence passes between the two of them before a sigh comes from Geum-jae, “There is so much I want to say to you Yoongi, I don’t even know where to begin...”

Yoongi stays quiet.

He doesn’t know either.

He just knows that the only way to get rid of the heaviness in his chest is to talk about it.

“I suppose I could start with an apology.” Geum-jae concludes, shaking his head as a light scoff leaves his lips, “I could never find the words to express how much regret and shame I feel inside. I could never explain how sorry I am for not protecting you, for not being a better example, for not having a backbone, for being selfish...I was blinded by greed. I couldn’t see what was in front of me.”

Yoongi swallows back his emotion, dreading the way his eyes begin to sting.

Geum-jae continues, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I just want to apologize and tell you that, even though I played no part in the man you’ve become, I am incredibly honored to call you my brother.”

It isn’t easy but, Yoongi manages to contain the tears that desperately want to fall from his eyes. His chest tightens as he hears his brother’s words. He wades through all the bitterness he feels towards him, allowing himself to feel the full force of his approval.

“I forgave you a long time ago.” Yoongi swallows, avoiding direct eye contact with him, “I just wish I understood your actions. You were my hyung, I thought you would have protected me and-” Yoongi blinks away the tears as quickly as he can, “and I still haven’t been able to accept the fact that you didn’t...”

Geum-jae shakes his head, “I wanted to protect you. I just didn’t know how- I was scared of him too. You had more courage than I did. It doesn’t excuse my actions but, it’s the truth.”

Suddenly, he reaches out and places his hand overtop of Yoongi’s, a pleading expression on his face, “That’s why you got out. That’s why you have a life. You have friends, you’re about to graduate university and, you have Y/N...” Geum-jae's voice breaks at the end, “Because of your strength, you finally found happiness.”

Yoongi looks at his hand, observing the evidence of his life present on his skin. Scars, burns, callouses, needle marks...

“Are you saying that you haven’t?” He asks, still not meeting his brother’s eyes.

“I’m not even close.”

Finally, the two meet each other's gaze. For a moment, they just stare, glistening eyes to glistening eyes. Overcome with years of repressed emotions, fueled by the desperate need to try and break the cycle, they wordlessly convey an unspoken emptiness.

They have missed each other so much.

“I am here now.” Geum-jae promises, the first tear dangerously close to falling, “Hyung is here if you’ll have him. I want to be in your life but, I understand if you want nothing to do with me.”

Yoongi blinks now, and the tears land upon his cheeks, “You’re my hyung...” And it really is a desperate proclamation, “...you’ll always be my hyung...”

The chair screeches against the tile, causing Yoongi to jump in his seat until he realizes what his brother is doing. Rounding the table, stands to the side of Yoongi with open arms and his own tears atop his cheeks.

He eyes him for only a few seconds before standing up suddenly and accepting Geum-jae into his arms. The two of them seem to collapse against one another. Yoongi breaks down and sobs in the arms of his older brother.

Just as he would have when they were young.

When times were hard and he could take shelter behind the one person who made him feel safe, the first person who ever showed him love.

“I’m so sorry Yoongi-ah.”

His words cause Yoongi to squeeze his eyes shut as he nods against the expensive fabric of his brother’s dress shirt, “I know.” He sniffles and pats his back, “I know you are.”

Meanwhile...

You’ve been upstairs, straightening up the bedroom and trying to pass the time without worrying excessively about your boyfriend’s well-being.

Which turns out to be impossible...

Cleaning around the room/bathroom only takes you about 20 minutes before your flopping onto the massive bed and, pulling out your phone. Scrolling through Tik Tok, you hope for a substantial distraction and, lucky for you- one arrives.

But, it isn’t on Tik Tok...

Jungkook: So you know Jimin right...

The text from Jungkook confuses you as you’re pretty sure it's like the middle of the night back home and, it’s not like him to text you outside of the group chat.

You: I have heard of him yes

You: Isn’t he like your boyfriend or something?

Jungkook: ha ha

Jungkook: about that

Jungkook: what if he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore?

Your eyes widen and, you immediately sit up in bed and hover anxiously over your phone.

You: !!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Jungkook: shhhhhh don’t yell

Jungkook: my future fiance is sleeping...

You’re about ready to get on a flight back home to kick his ass before your vision focuses on the word he’s just sent.

You: excuse me

You: YOU’RE WHAT ???????????

Jungkook: …

Jungkook: What did I just tell you smh

You: *whispers* WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT JUNGKOOK

Jungkook: -____-

Jungkook: can I call

You: ?????? Obviously!!!!

Seconds later, Jungkook’s name illuminates your screen.

“Good evening,” He begins calmly, “I’m having a panic attack...”

You giggle, “What’s going on????”

“Well you see- I am in love with Park Jimin and I fear it may be terminal.”

“Terminal huh? Is that how you describe a lifelong partnership with your one true love?”

“...yes.”

“Jungkook,” You urge him through your laughter, “What is going on?”

You hear him sigh, “I think I’m going to ask Jimin to marry me.”

Squealing, you jump up on your knees, “Wait seriously?! Jungkook!”

“Yah! Don’t yell at me! This is all your fault!”

“My fault??? How is this my fault?”

“Well technically I guess- it's Yoongi’s fault because, he’s the one that convinced me to get in touch with my feelings or whatever- either way, I am STILL the victim. And now I want to be with him forever and it’s disgusting...”

You flop back against the pillows and laugh again, “If Jimin knew this was how you were telling people you were proposing, he would kill you.”

He doesn’t hesitate, “He’s going to kill me either way Y/N...it’s bad- the other day, he sent me a selfie and, I had heart palpitations for like 15 minutes.”

“If your man doesn’t give you heart palpitations then, that isn’t your man.” You conclude.

“Y/N...” Jungkook whines now, sounding very much like the boy you met back in middle school.

“Jungkook...” You whine back causing him to finally chuckle on the other end of the line.

“I’m scared...”

“I know but, you and Jimin are so perfect for each other, there is no way that this wouldn’t work out.”

“More perfect than you and Yoongi?” He teases, reverting back to being a little shit.

And his question makes you scoff, “Oh sweetheart- obviously not. But second place isn’t bad!”

He laughs now and it’s the full bellied sound that you love hearing.

“You really think we’re perfect together?”

Despite his inability to see you, you smile at his need for validation,

“Duh. You two are literally soulmates.”

Jungkook is quiet on the other line but when he speaks again, you can hear the giddiness in his voice, “Ok so...will you help me then???”

Back downstairs, Yoongi and Geum-jae are sat at the bar in front of the window that faces his backyard. As he predicted, the rain came back in full force and is now propelling itself against the clean glass. After their emotional encounter in the dining room, Geum-jae suggested that they have a drink together and relax for a moment.

He had poured each of them a glass of wine, ensuring not to fill his glass up too much.

“Your girlfriend is a wonderful woman; you made a good choice.”

At the mention of you, Yoongi’s lips twitch, his eyes watching the droplets of water chaotically race down the window, “Thank you. But, it was her who chose me, I’m still working out exactly why.”

Geum-jae chuckles, “I see you’re still selling yourself short ah? Did you two meet at school?”

Yoongi smirks, “Yeah, we met 6 months ago in my psychology class. She was my partner on our final project.”

“Ah.” He nods, “Things blossomed that way then?”

Yoongi’s heart throbs a bit as his brain begins its recollection of his time with you.

So much has happened during your relationship, he forgets that he hasn’t known you all his life.

It certainly feels like he has.

“Yeah.”

Geum-jae chuckles, “You’re so reserved about her.”

Yoongi knows what he means. In the Min family, you always say things as they are. You don’t sugarcoat your sentiments and you definitely don’t play coy.

“I can’t help it-” He admits, and he can feel the heat on his cheeks now, “I find it difficult to talk about her...”

His brother bites his bottom lip, unable to help how endeared he is, “Can I ask why?”

Yoongi leans his cheek against the palm of his hand, still focusing on the rain, “It’s overwhelming.”

Geum-jae seems to understand but he chuckles anyway, “Do you plan on marrying her?”

His question hangs in the air for a moment. Yoongi’s brain once again travels elsewhere, and he is bombarded with images of you walking down the aisle. He has to take a deep breath as he forces the thoughts out of his head; he’s cried enough this evening.

“I would marry her tomorrow.”

Geum-jae's laughter increases now but now it bubbles over his lips in an excited fashion.

“Yahhhh! Look at that eh?” He congratulates him, “It’s safe to say you’re off the market for good then? Because I have a few of my friends who have been asking about you.”

This finally makes Yoongi laugh as he turns towards him, “That’s flattering.” He means it too but, he speaks the next set of words with all of the conviction he can muster, “There is no one else for me though.”

Geum-jae grins proudly and with a raise to his brows, he lifts his glass, “Well, let’s drink to that then.”

The clinking of crystal signifies so much. For now though, Yoongi allows it to represent the future and, all of the possibilities it may bring.

#ficswithluv #yoongi #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi fics #yoongi fanfics #yoongi fic recs #yoongi fanfiction #bts yoongi #min yoongi #suga #min suga #agust d #agust d fics #yoongi x reader #boyfriend! yoongi #yoongi cute #yoongi hot

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cotccotc · 4 years ago

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yet another sappy (anD LONG) rant !!!!!!

i’ve been meaning to say it for a long time but thank u for still hanging out w me (and in some cases, following me) while i’ve been taking a break from writing and editing. i never necessarily announced a hiatus, but obviously i haven’t been as active in terms of content.

i didn’t expect my summer to be as busy as it’s been but i’m just trying to make the most of it. my friends and i even use a group calendar to schedule time to hang out before we go to college lol. i’ve been feeling a lot more inspired since hyunjin’s been back, but i’m having trouble expressing it because of how burnt out i’ve been from socializing and traveling. so when i do post something new i hope u like it and keep supporting my work !!! but for now, i’m gonna try not to put pressure on myself to make anything. i’m excited to be opening gfx requests again and trying to be more active, but i’m not going to force myself into anything. i’d be lying if i said i didn’t feel guilty about it, but i’m also excited to be busy again after having not done anything with my friends for so long. i love tumblr and skz very very much and i don’t want to develop negative/resentful feelings toward either one u know?

so long story short ….. thank u for vibing w me on my teeny tiny corner of the internet !!!!!!!! i don’t always express it to the fullest extent but im extremely grateful for this app and the friends i’ve made here and the opportunities i’ve had because of it. being on tumblr has made me feel so much less alone and more accepted than anything else i’ve been a part of and that’s super duper cool :) thank u thank u my funky frens <33

#txt with v ☆#did i write this in an effort to procrastinate writing a fic? perhaps #but anyways #i love u <3

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justabigassnerd · 5 years ago

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Take a break

Pairing - Peter Parker x reader

Word count - 1,158

Warnings - mentions of lack of eating/sleeping, lil’ bit of angst

Summary - you aren’t taking care of yourself while at university, Peter helps you to relax

A/N - Hey y’all I’m back with a new request and tbh I think I’ve cracked the best way to write anything (be it essays or fics) I wrote in comic sans (i was skeptical of that idea but it works wonders) and I listened to a 10 hour loop of the ‘Coconut Mall’ music from Mario Kart (which is my favourite Mario Kart track) anyway I don’t know why why but I’m really super duper in the mood to write some angsty Daryl Dixon fics after I finish my requests so please if you have any send em in. As per y’all please send in requests and enjoy!

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Your phone buzzed on your desk but you ignored it, you had two big essays to complete for the end of the week and along with your work shifts you were stressing and worried about losing precious time to complete your essays. You rarely left your room, only leaving to get food and pulling regular all-nighters in order to churn out as much work as possible, having to catch up with previous work after being sick for a couple of days. You would’ve finished your essays by now if you hadn’t been ill as you wouldn’t have had to catch up on other stuff to be prepared for the essays. But your immune system had to let you down the time you needed it working the most. Your phone buzzed once more and you tear your eyes away from your laptop screen to see two texts on your phone from your boyfriend, Peter Parker.

‘hey, you haven’t texted me in a couple of days. Are you okay?’

‘can I come over?’

You let out a small sigh at your boyfriend’s texts. Not that you didn’t appreciate his concern, you just didn’t want him to worry about you when he had his own stuff to do. Peter, while still Spider-man and an Avenger, worked in Stark Industries to create new programs and all sorts. He had enough to worry about without you needing to add to his plate of problems. As you went to type out a message saying you were okay, and that he didn’t need to come over another text came through from him.

‘Mr. Stark said I should go and check on you so I’m coming over, won’t be long.’ You cursed under your breath when you read the third text, you were studying in New York so Peter could swing by and see you whenever he could. You knew that if Tony was letting him off easily that Tony was probably equally as worried as Peter about you even if he never actually said it. Even though you weren’t an Avenger, the team adored you and if they were concerned about you they wouldn’t be afraid to ask Peter to check up on you or even do it themselves if they were really concerned. You figured you had about half an hour to cram in as much work as possible, you set to work immediately, desperate to do as much as possible despite your growling stomach and tired eyes.

A sudden knock at the door makes you jump; you look at the time in the bottom right corner of your laptop and at least thirty-five minutes have passed since Peter’s last text. You get up and open the door, being greeted by your boyfriend who steps into your room, his eyes widening at the sight. Your room was dark, curtains drawn with your laptop shining brightly in the darkness. Papers and books were scattered over your desk and some on your bed, Peter saw the cup of coffee on your desk and could tell that it had been refilled repeatedly just to keep you going. His heart broke at the sight because he never wanted you to overwork yourself, he knew that you’d be busy with work, but he never expected it to end up like that.

“oh y/n…” Peter mumbled as he picked up one of the textbooks from your bed and looks at it.

“Peter I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me, honestly.” You say, rubbing your eyes to try and wake yourself up a little more.

“No, I am worried. You look like you haven’t slept or eaten properly in days! Look you need to take a break; I’ll order some pizza and we can just chill and watch movies. Tell you what, go and have a shower and get into your pyjama’s, I’ll order some pizza while you do that.” Peter says, his eyes overflowing with worry as he pulls out his phone.

“No Peter, I need to get this done.” You exclaim, stopping Peter from typing on his phone as he looks up at you.

“They’re both due in on Friday at midnight and I got one done but this second one is much harder, I’ve got a bit done but I don’t want to risk anything.” You continue.

“It’s Wednesday y/n. You can get some early sleep after eating and showering and be ready to tackle the rest of the essay tomorrow. I’ll spend the night and I’ll even help you with the essay. I just need you to put yourself first.” Peter says gently, when you look up and see his soft brown eyes looking at you with genuine concern you start to give in.

“Okay Pete, I’ll stop for today.” You say, watching as Peter smiles slightly and grabs your pyjama’s off your bed and holding them out to you, indicating that he wants you to shower and change. As you disappear into your en-suite bathroom Peter orders your favourite pizza and saves your essay progress before opening Netflix and opening a window to let the cool night air in. When you return, you feel slightly better, the warm shower helping you to relax. Peter then gets a text that the pizza has arrived and heads down to get it, telling you to get into bed and choose something to watch. You do as he asks, scrolling through Netflix until you find what you wanted. When Peter came back he slipped his shoes off and slid into bed next to you, both of you using your pillows as a backrest so you can eat pizza and watch the movie you picked out.

“Kingsman?” Peter asks, a smile on his face as he sees you nod.

“You know it’s my favourite movie Pete, I figured if anything could help take my mind of that essay for a bit it would be this film.” You reply honestly as you press play on the movie as the laptop sits on your legs while the pizza box sits on Peter’s. The two of you demolish the pizza in record time with Peter allowing you to have more of the pizza as he knew how hungry you were. Peter threw the box in the bin and pulled you closer as you rest your head on his shoulder, by now struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Thank you Peter, I love you.” You mumble sleepily, bringing a smile to Peter’s face as he slowly slides down the bed so the two of you are now lying down and puts your laptop on your office chair for safe keeping, the movie now forgotten. You cuddle closer to Peter, resting your head on his chest and allowing his steady heartbeat to lull you to sleep as he played with your hair. Peter watched as your breaths evened out and pulled the duvet over the two of you.

“Goodnight y/n, I love you too.”

#Avengers #The Avengers #Marvel Avengers #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you

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imagine-lcorp · 5 years ago

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Begin Again (One Shot)

Request

Lena and fem!Reader were going on a few dates here and there and like each other very very much. However, Lena’s super duper friend, Kara Danvers, thinks R is not good enough for her ‘cause R’s a regular person who doesn’t seem like she’ll fit up to Lena’s standards. This is said when Lena brings R to game night and Kara secretly pulls aside R to talk. After that, it’s very obvious that R’s gradually distancing herself from Lena and Lena notices. (Part 1) Lena asks Kara for help cause she’s her best friend and all and Kara feels super guilty and spills everything to Lena. Lena gets lowkey pissed at Kara and goes to find R and explain that Lena does genuinely like her no matter what and just fluffiness alsjdhdladhsksjdh (Part 2)

A/N: Hello guys! I’m trying to keep up with your requests, and so far I haven’t lost my mind in the lockdown!! How fun, isn’t it? Anyway, enjot this little one shot and as always kudos to the dear anon that sent it!!!

Lena Luthor x Fem!R//Word Count: 1,883

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It was still early in the morning when you saw, from the corner of your eyes, two cups of coffee be placed at your table. You paused the music coming from your headphones and stopped the typing on your laptop, so you could look up and see them better, imagining the person who had brought them had maybe mistaken you for someone else or was a friendly stranger doing their good deed of the day. However, your heart almost came to a full stop when you saw the names on the cups. Yours and hers alone.

You took your headphones off and looked up. "Lena."

"I hope I'm not interrupting." She stood in front of you just like the first time you had talked, but this time she looked more nervous than you had ever seen her. "May I?"

"Hey, sure." You responded with the same hint of nervousness.

"I bought you your regular, hope you don't mind." She took the cup with your name and handed it to you.

"Not at all. Thank you." You took the cup and placed it near your laptop.

"I wasn't sure I was going to find you here. You hadn't come much these days." Lena took the empty seat in front of you, looking a bit sad.

"Yeah, sorry, I was at home. I've been, um, really busy lately." You knew it was a lie but still you tried to excuse yourself.

"Have you?" She asked with a hint of hurt.

No. You hadn't been that busy.

"Well, I..." You started but, before you tried to come up with another excuse, she cut you off.

"Sorry, no. You don't actually need to explain." She shook her head no and her eyes softened on you. "Kara told me about your conversation."

"Oh." You simply said and looked out the big window near your table. You couldn't meet her eyes as you remembered. "That conversation."

It had been a couple of months since you and Lena had started to date. You even had met in this little coffee shop where you were seated. You came often after office hours, when it was almost empty, to work and have something to drink before heading back to your apartment. You liked it in here since it was one of the few places where the coffee and wi-fi were both excellent, and it was open until late so you could enjoy the sounds of the city but without the back and forth of the crowd.

After some time, you noticed there was someone else that liked to come in late for a cup of coffee and a little dessert, if she felt in the mood. She was tall, beautiful, dark haired, and it was not so often that you would be graced with her presence, but when she came she would sway in like she already owned the place. That was her charm and every time she came through that door your eyes would find her. Until one night you finally decided to do something in hopes you could talk to her.

Lena came another night to find that her regular order had been paid in advance. Thanks to the nice stranger that sit on the corner by the window, as the barista had explained to her. You almost didn't hear her come to your table but, when you saw her silhouette approaching you, you stopped your work and focused on her. There was a little smile in her face and you swore that was the cutest thing you had ever seen in your life.

"I hope I'm not interrupting. May I?" She nodded at the chair in front of you and without a second thought you said yes.

This became your regular routine. You would stay at the coffee shop, talking and drinking until it was almost time to close. There were some extra nights too when you only came hoping to find her, just to have the opportunity to talk to her again. Not much time passed before you also managed to find the courage to ask her out. You liked Lena Luthor, and you were lucky enough she liked you back.

Lena thought you were wonderful and, some part of her had to admit it too, you had some charm on your own. It was your personality, the way you smiled at her, the fact, she knew, that you would sometimes come sinply to talk to her. You didn't expect anything else but to keep each other company. It was nice to know that for someone, at least, that was enough, and little by little, and without noticing, she would come too hoping to find you. When you started dating, Lena finally realized she hadn't felt this way in a long time. She was falling for you, and she hoped you could make it work. However, things changed after the last game night with her friends.

It was the first time Lena had invited someone to game night and the Superfriends were happy to have another guest with them, specially if that new guest was Lena's new love interest. They all wanted to get to know you. When you arrived, Lena was a bit nervous about how things would play out but she soon found out she had nothing to worry about. You were a natural with people and you were more than thrilled to try and beat the Danvers sisters.

"Hey, can I have some?" You asked Kara as you found her in her kitchen, putting some homemade snacks in plates. Your first round of games had ended and everyone was already craving something to eat.

"Sure. We got some chicken fingers here, mozzarella sticks too, we got some nachos over there. There's plenty to choose from actually." She said looking at the table full of food.

"Thank you." You smiled at her and went to grab a mozzarella stick.

"Hey, hope you don't mind me asking but, you are not from around here, are you?" Kara said as she kept preparing the plates and you answered between bites.

"No, I moved to the city a year ago."

"What brought you to National City?" She asked with a curious tone. "It seemed like the place to be." You simply said. You had visited the city a couple of times before you moved and you had liked it, with aliens and all.

"Right." Kara stopped for a moment to look at you. "So, you and Lena, uh? Where did you meet, exactly?"

"She frequents the same little coffee shop downtown where I sometimes go to work." You explained.

"You work at the coffee shop?" She rasied an eyebrow at you. You started to feel there was something quite inquisitive about this conversation.

"No, no." You chuckled. "I work as a freelancer, so I go there sometimes for a change. It's a nice place, really cozy, like my apartment but without the mess."

"You live downtown?" She kept questioning. "Nope, not even close. I'm from the rent side of the city too, but on the other corner of it."

"Oh, that's a long way from here. Is Lena taking you home?"

"With some luck, maybe." You smiled but it seemed like Kara hadn't registered your answer and kept looking at you. "No, I got my bike."

"Wow, you are not like the type she usually dates." She said after a moment and went back to putting food on plates.

"What type is that?" You asked. "Mostly CEOs, tech geniuses, self-made corporate billionaires." She said.

"Sounds like I'm in the wrong league." You replied with a little confused frown.

"Sorry, I don't mean to make you unconformable. It's just that Lena's life can be too complicated sometimes. You have to be really special if you want to keep up with that."

"Got it." You nodded slowly.

"Good." She said, finishing the plates and taking a couple to take them with her. Then she turned to smile at you as if this had been nothing but a friendly chat. "Now, ready to lose the next game?"

Whatever kind of conversation you expected to have with Lena's best friend you didn't expect it to be this one. Although she hadn't said anything rude or intimidating, you couldn't help but feel out of place after it. You knew how to read between the lines, and you understood what Kara had tried to say. You and Lena were too different, living too many worlds apart. Lena had her own standards, and Kara wasn't sure someone like you could be enough to live up to them, to live up to her. Kara had given you something to think about and now you couldn't stop thinking about it. So much that when Lena invited you to her apartment, after the night was over, you declined her invitation.

Things began to change between Lena and you and, at first, she couldn't understand why. You postponed your dates, some of her calls and messages would go unanswered, and your little encounters at the coffee shop became less constant.

"I don't understand. We were getting along just fine this last couple of months." She explained one morning as she walked with Kara.

"Have you talked to her?"

"Yes, not much, but it's obvious she's avoiding me. We haven't seen each other since game night." She sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"Since game night, you said?" Kara suddenly stopped, realizing she was probably the one to blame for it. "I think I know what happened..."

If looks could kill, Kara was sure she would have been dead the second she was done explaining the sort conversation she had had with you. But Lena didn't have the time to be angry as she immediately went looking for you.

"I'm sorry." Lena said searching for your eyes.

"You don't have to be." You sighed. "She worries about you and...she kind of had a point."

"What point is that?"

"That I have to be special to keep up with someone like you." You looked at her. "Compared to you, I'm a commoner, Lena. What could I offer to the girl that has everything?"

"Your company and a cup of coffee." She said without hesitation, the corner of her lips lifting in a shy smile. "(Y/N), I like you, I really do, and what I liked the most about you is that you didn't have to give me anything else but that, a coffee and our endless time for conversation. That's why I kept coming back here, because I haven't been as happier as I am when I'm with you. That's all I need and, I promise, I won't ask for anything else."

You were speechless, taking in every single word she had said. If she had asked for your heart in a silver plate at that moment you would have run all the way to the closest store to find the shiniest one and let her have it.

"You could ask for dessert." You smiled as you came to your senses. "I'm sorry I let it get to me. Do you think we could start again from where we left off?"

"Dessert is on you." Lena smiled back at you with all her confidence restored and the assurance that you would make it work, no matter what.

#lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor imagines #lena luthor x reader #lena x reader #lena x you #lena luthor x you #one shot #request #begin again #coffee shop kinda au #Female reader #fem!reader #fem reader

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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M’s APPECIATION POST 2020

Totally stealing this idea from @channiewoo Love youuuuu!!

So I started this blog back in December of 2019 and since then my account has grown to a collection of 5K of you which is absolutely insane! I love you all so much, that includes my mutuals, my followers and my lovely anons! I started this blog as a way to just write for my friends and share my stories with them, I never would have thought it would take off the way it did. You've all helped me learn to grow and get a little better as a writer (I still don't think I'm good enough yet but I promise I'm trying) Thank you to those who are supporting me and help me get by! 💖💕 - doing this now because I will forget come new years eve

@lynnthevirgo: We had a bit of a weird year this year with stopping talking because of ✨reasons that shan't be named✨ but I'm so glad I have my best friend back. You've taught me that it's not okay to go weeks/days/months on end without a break, to take my time and slowly start to learn to say the word ✨No✨ I know you don't like me giving you the credit for how I've turned out but it's true. You've helped me so much without even realizing it, all those times you've made me smile like a lil bitch. All those times I've woken up to a spam about your day, I always look forward to it since time zones can be whores and we live in different countries. I adore that we ARE THE SAME FUCKING PERSON! Just living in two different places. It's nice being able to talk to you about anything and everything and still feel comfortable around you. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! (Even if I was a terrible friend and thought your name was Lynn for THE LONGEST time)

@snowy-meowl: I know we don't get to talk much these days because you're busy with studies and your work but I hope that one day when we've both relaxed into our places we can talk like we used to. I hope you're getting enough sleep and hydrating, I miss telling you off for being up when I'm waking up (time zones again) You've been there for me from like...The very beginning, you always listen to my stupid rants and give me advice and I wish I could so something in return for that honestly. I love you darling! Keep spamming me with art! I want to see everything you create! I miss you!

@mikoto-ica-fics: Ahhhh honestly I say it every time I @ you but you're one of my many inspirations to keep my writing going. One of the many reasons I started writing for skz as well, I love all of your content it's always so damn good! Your writing is exceptional just like you are. You're one of the sweetest and funniest people I've had the pleasure of meeting on here. We don't talk a lot but when we do we're always simping over the men we love and I adore it. I know I can always just send you a meme or a blog post out of nowhere and we can chat about it so it's great! There are not that many people I can feel comfortable with and you just make me feel so relaxed! Love you gorgeous!!! Also I still live with Chav's and want to die but I will smack that dumb bitch man up at work for you any day of the week boo, just say the word 💖

@channiewoo asdfghjkl; honestly I never would have thought people with the same bias would get along so well 👀😂 Then I realized that I know have a Simping buddy who understands the pains that come along with having a bias like CHRISTOPHER-FUCKING-BANG and we can just spam one another with posts. I know you said the same thing for me but I feel super duper comfortable with talking to you which, again, is odd for me because my anxiety is always like "nah fam you cant send them a message they hate you/find you annoying" so I really like that I can be open with you. You're a great writer, much more than you give yourself credit for. I'm probably going to start spamming your ask box with morning messages whenever I can, reminding you to hydrate and take breaks and stuff! I hope we can get to know each other better too!!!

@dark-peaches: I know we haven't been speaking long but asfhgafknag you literally spam me with pictures of the men we simp for and I adore it. We talk about anything and everything, from puppies to your upcoming works and I just wanted to say it's great!! I can't wait to see what else you come up with in the future! Please don't stop writing!!! (Take breaks obviously but you know what I mean!)

I hate this because there are so many of you I want to thank but I already feel like it's going to be long so I'm going to tag a bunch of you! If I don't tag you please don't feel like I forgot you, I'm just bad at remembering URL's! But thank you to all of you, including those I haven't interacted with (for real though, you ever need me hit me up) Thank you guys for always supporting me and being kind! Love you 💕💖🥰❤🤧🤧🤧🤧 I’m all sappy and soft!

@spearb1108 @nightshade-minho @yoongisdumplingcheeks @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @sw33tnight @sweeneyblue1 @missmxqn @bisexualmess007 @killerharleyjaderose @hanjizung @decembermoonskz @slytherin-chan @mini-meanhoe @peachyhan @changbintrashbin @poppinpeaches @drumboydowoon @taeyohonic @joonbugsdimples @jeonssimp @anonymousrafa @jikooksgirl19 @yoongisqueenn @lordseochangbin

#m being sappy don't worry about it!#love you all so much #full of spelling and grammar mistakes but im emo nojudging allowed

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empyreanwritings · 5 years ago

Text

Just a Little Complicated

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (Florist AU)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: mentions of losing a parent

A/N: Y’all, I actually managed to write a one shot, are you proud of me? Please be proud of me LOL! This is written for @marquiswrites 100 followers challenge! I am super duper late, and for that I really am sorry. You probably have already reached another milestone by the time I’ve posted this. But yeah, go give them a follow cause they deserve it!

Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated (: x

Sweat stuck to the back of Steve's shirt. He cursed himself for not getting a car already, but he didn't anticipate the southern heat being so brutal. The last thing he wanted was to go into places covered in sweat and ask for a job, but he had no choice. He couldn't afford to live off what the government deemed enough for a veteran to live on; he wasn't going to go off on that tangent, but it really was ridiculous. He almost gave his life for a country, and they acted like enough money to survive comfortably was a nuisance.

Many places gave him the same response when he asked if they were hiring: "Thank you for your service, but we just don't have an open spot!" Some of the managers hid their disdain for his lack of perfect hygiene. Not all of them, though. He could see the judgement in their eyes when he came in sweaty with a service dog in tow.

He was more than capable of handling any job, but he couldn't stop others from having their judgement. He was used to it back in the city.

But he refused to make a fuss about it here.

The last place he tried for the day was a small flower shop on the corner of the street. The entire shop window was filled with flowers of every color, and the windowsill was painted mint green. It contrasted greatly against the brick exterior, but Steve liked the way it looked; it had a quirky charm that many of the snooty "antique" shops didn't have.

And when he saw the bright yellow door with the name "Mama June's" written above it, he was sold.

Organization didn't exist in the shop, that was apparent the moment he stepped into it. Flowers, vases, and ribbons were scattered in groups throughout the different counters and containers. It reminded him of a wildflower field - chaotic yet oddly appealing.

An elderly woman rounded the corner, dirt covering her hands and arms. She let out a small 'Oh!' when she saw Steve before brushing her hands against her apron and offering one to him.

"You're not my daily lunch delivery!" She chuckled. "I'm June. Haven't seen you around these parts before - stayin' or passin' through?"

"Staying, hopefully." His smile made her smile in return, and the corners of her eyes wrinkled in the endearing way Steve always loved seeing in his own grandmother. "Steve Rogers, ma'am. It's nice to meet you."

She swatted his arm gently. "Don't you ma'am me, mister! I ain't that old yet!"

June - or Mama June, as she liked to be called - a whole foot shorter than Steve, but she acted like she was the tallest person in the room. Her round face showed her age in the way she wrinkled by her eyes and the corners of her mouth. Steve remembered something his mom used to say, "I don't get why women want to hide their laugh lines! It shows they lived a happy life!" And June clearly felt the same way.

She filled up a water bowl for Dodger and placed it down by his feet, which Steve quickly thanked her for. The poor boy wasn't used to this level of heat either.

"What can I do for ya?"

"I was hoping to see if you were hiring, ma-" She shot him a look that warned him not to finish his word, and he cleared his throat. "Mama June."

"Mhm, that's what I thought you were going to say," she hummed. "You ever work for a florist before?"

He shook his head, already preparing himself for the rejection. The closest he ever got to be a florist was helping pick out the flowers for his mother's funeral. It wasn't exactly his favorite memory.

"Well," she pretended to look around the empty shop and let out a dramatic sigh, "As you can see, we're pretty busy! I don't need much help up front, but I could use the help on delivery days. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - that work?"

"Anything works for me. Thank you." He wanted to hug the woman for giving him a chance, but she would have probably kneed him. She was feisty.

The bells on the front door clanged as someone walked in, pulling their attention away from each other. June was just about the greet the new guest, but she was already being interrupted.

"Mama, you know you are supposed to be watching your cholesterol!" You scolded June as you set down a take-out container on the front counter. "My mother would turn over in her grave if she knew I was letting you eat the diner's burgers."

You sighed when June waved your comment off, and Steve let out a chuckle. The two of you must have known each other for a long time. The way you moved around the shop made it seem like you knew the layout like the back of your hand.

"And who is this?" Your eyes turned towards Steve, and he wasn't sure how to breathe when he noticed how they sparkled. Despite sweat and the grease stains on your diner dress, you were easily the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. And it wasn't until your eyebrows practically raised to your hairline that he realized he was too busy staring to introduce himself.

"This is my new helper!" June replied for him. "Steve's gonna help me around here on delivery days."

You gasped in mock surprise. "You're actually letting someone help you? Has Hell frozen over?"

"Stop it. I'm never to turn away someone in need, and my back has been actin' up." You whipped around, but June held her hand up. "Don't give me that look! I'm fine! I just can't be liftin' boxes the way I used to."

You shook your head, strands of your hair falling out of your bun. Concern was written all over your face. Steve couldn't help but wonder if you knew something about June that no one else did. Maybe she was sick, or just had poor health in general. Either way, he knew he was going to have to look out for the old woman when you weren't around.

You chewed on your bottom lip and finally turned back towards Steve after a beat.

"You take care of her," you said with a hint of warning in your tone. "I bring lunch every day at noon, so feel free to give a call before then to give me your order."

Steve smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

He was partially embarrassed 'Thank you' was the only thing he managed to say in your presence. Time overseas hadn't done much to help his charm when it came to women. Not that he would have instantly started flirting with you - he had manners - but still. He would have liked to appear smoother.

You left the shop almost as quickly as you entered it. June let out a laugh when she realized Steve had been staring at the door for a solid minute after you walked out. He wasn't discreet at all.

"I'll see you Wednesday, Steve," she nudged his side with her elbow, "Unless I see you at the diner before then!"

Her comment made her burst into another fit of laughter, and she grabbed her meal and headed towards the back before he could defend himself. He looked down at Dodger and shook his head. At least he didn't know how obvious his owner was.

Steve settled into working with June easily after that day. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he'd be there at six in the morning to unload the boxes from the delivery truck. It was a lot more work than he expected it to be, but he enjoyed it. He loved being able to stay busy and feel like someone needed him.

Working in the morning gave him enough time to avoid the southern heat that always came by ten. He was thankful to have the cool AC to unpack the boxes in because he wasn't sure he'd make it the first week if June made him unpack them all outside. He'd probably end up worse than an ice cream cone melted on the sidewalk - and he had seen a few of those in the few weeks he worked.

But the best part about working had been you.

Every day you came in at noon, not a minute before or after. June said you had a thing about always being on time, and you never explained why. She had her theories about how you missed saying goodbye to your mom because you were late, but you refused to confirm whether that was true or not. And Steve didn't know you well enough to ask.

Throughout the weeks, though, he spent as much time as he could getting to know you. Some days were tougher than others; you didn't always like answering the questions he wanted to ask you, but other days, you were generous.

He learned the basics: your favorite color, the one movie that made you cry even after you've watched it several times, and what kind of toppings you liked on your pizza. And you liked asking him the deeper questions. What made him join the army? If he could go anywhere in the world, where would he go? Why did he prefer New York style pizza over deep dish?

The deep-dish debate lasted for an hour, and you only stopped arguing because your lunch break was over.

"I'll learn to forgive your poor taste in pizza if you tell me what your favorite flower is," he said one day when you didn't have to rush back to the diner.

You shrugged your shoulders and pretended like telling him your favorite flower was the worst thing he could ever make you do. "Aren't you the flower man now? I know June's been giving you some of her tips in flower arranging magic! You should be able to figure out what kind of flower I like the most."

It was a challenge, he realized later on. You could have told him what your favorite flower was and never thought about it again, but you wanted to test him. You wanted to see if he actually paid attention to the things you told him during your one-hour visits. Of course, Oblivious Steve had to be told by June that was what you were doing.

He made it his mission to make sure you left with one flower whenever he worked after that.

You'd come in with the styrofoam takeout containers, and he would wait for you by the front counter with a single flower in his hand. Every day he worked.

The first time he did it, you crinkled your nose at the sight of the single red rose.

"Roses are apology flowers," you tutted. "Are you trying to say you've cheated on me before we've even gone on a date, Rogers?"

The tips of his ears turned bright red in the moment, and it was something you and June laughed about for the rest of the week. You knew exactly what you were doing to him, but you didn't plan on stopping any time.

You were actually curious how long he'd hold out just to find what kind of flower you loved.

Most guys would have given up by the second try; you wondered if Steve Rogers was going to be like most guys.

But even after you rejected the lilies and chrysanthemums and sunflowers, he still kept trying. He reminded you, in the most teasing way possible, he worked with a florist and had an endless supply of different flowers. He swore he'd find the one to make you swoon eventually.

When June came to you one morning and asked you to be nice to the man, you playfully rolled your eyes and reminded her that no good love story started out easy. You hadn't realized the words left your lips until June's eyes started to sparkle and she gave you the secret smile that reminded you of your mother. Steve Rogers made you think about love - something you hadn't thought about since your mother passed away.

Hell really must have frozen over then.

The next day Steve worked, after your conversation with June, your heart sunk when you realized there wasn't a flower in his hand. His focus was on an inventory sheet, which was a part of his job, but you expected him to take a break for his usual time with you. You thought that maybe he grew tired of trying to woo you.

Maybe it was too difficult.

Maybe you were too difficult.

But then he held his hands out and told you to wait in your spot, and you couldn't stop the grin from spreading across your face when he pulled a white box from behind the counter. It was small, probably didn't hold more than the bud of a flower or several flowers. And it had a black ribbon wrapped haphazardly around it.

You made a mental note to remind June to teach the poor man how to wrap ribbons around boxes and vases. He may have only unloaded the delivery trucks, but he deserved to learn the basic stuff.

You gasped when you opened the box and saw the Black Dahlia. How he managed to guess was one thing, but how he even managed to get the flower was another. You knew June didn't carry them in her shop because of how rare and expensive they were, which meant he went to a lot of trouble to make sure he had it for this moment. He went through a lot of trouble for you.

"How-"

"Mama June told me a good florist never reveals his secrets," Steve teased.

"You know, these flowers are supposed to represent betrayal and negative emotions. It's why a lot of florists don't like to use them in bouquets; it takes away their magic," you said with a small smile, your focus still on the flower sitting in your hand.

Steve shrugged. "I think there's magic that, don't you? Finding the beauty in the things that people say are bad."

"Are you saying I'm bad, Steve Rogers?" You murmured, not at all taking offense.

"Not bad, darling, just a little complicated."

#marquiswrites100challenge #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x fem!reader #steve rogers au #florist au

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vagrantblvrd · 5 years ago

Note

I'm a slut for anything Destiny right now, so uhhhhh maybe something involving that? (On another note, boo for pushing back BL to November, yay for having more time to work on it)

Lol, same, friend! XD

So, like. Much as I love other Destiny AUs I’ve blathered on about before, what do you say about a Battle Buddies in the Destiny universe?

Like, say.

These two idiots working for Clovis Bray during the Golden Age, right? Troubleshooters or just a pair of mercenaries that somehow ended up on the Clovis Bray payroll.

Or maybe they start off as regular security operatives who earn a reputation for being particularly clever and resourceful. Ruthless, some might say, in protecting Clovis Bray’s interests.

They catch the eye of some higher up, get reassigned to a special division in security which happen to be troubleshooters and the like?

Operatives given more leeway/authority than the usual Clovis Bray security operative and it’s actually good for a while, right?

Certainly good enough from them to to from coworkers to that guy they see almost every day and have a few things in common with to actual friends. And that, okay, in the world of fanfic is a slippery slope to Mutual Pining.

And such tropes as being snowed in at a tiny, wonderfully cozy cabin once they get a fired started and realize sharing body heat is the only solution to not freezing to death anyway?

Also sharing a bed while on a trip somewhere and a mixup/convenient other reason there would only be a room with a single bed available for them.

Not to mention the quiet revelation that the other one knows exactly how they take their coffee (whatever diet soda equivalent exists in the universe at that time for Ryan), or what their favorite food is (and second, third and so on in case substitution is necessary). Know what their favorite color is and cats vs dogs.

(A hotly debated topic between them, one that Jeremy declares could be a friendship killer because dogs, Ryan, really? With their borking and happy little faces and utter joy at seeing their human?

Pls.

Meanwhile, Ryan with this little smirk to his voice as he needles Jeremy over the little herd of stray cats he swears aren’t actually his and yet are all fixed and chipped and yowl their little heads off the moment they catch wind/sight of Jeremy and anyway, dogs are clearly better because Ryan says so, therefore it’s true, Jeremy.

(Neither of them realize if they were animals - omg, were-creatures in Destiny universe???? :O - Jeremy is obvs a bork-bork doggo and Ryan a snooty mcsnoot (sekritly soft touch because srsly) kitten-cat and just, tangent I know, but omg.)

Also, though?

Also.

It means all these little things that add up to oh, no, I’m absolutely fucked over this asshole/idiot, because they are and now that they know they can’t stop seeing it, you know?

Jeremy’s :D when he sees Ryan at work and Ryan’s own >:D when he sees Jeremy because up to no good, the both of them? And smaller, quieter things they didn’t really think about and oh man, what now???

But then, also!

The two of them with their special division in Clovis Bray’s security branch...deal...thing where they ends up working with the shadier side of things?

Mostly play security on off-world projects or labs that pop up when new discoveries are made and said discovery can’t be moved/hasn’t been moved to a more secure facility and such.

Security there just as much to protect the discovery/artifact/device than keep the scientists/staff/executives visiting the site safe and so on. (Occasional Adventures because business rivals and shady practices and Drama.)

It’s all good for a while, lets them stew in their Mutual Pining phase and just as they’re about to maybe, maaaaybe do something about it Trouble!!1! happens.

Both of them are at the “I need to talk to you about this...thing,” stage of things and thinking oh, no, he knows I have the FEELINGS for him and the :O!!1! of what could mean for their ~friendship and so on?

But then Ryan gets called to the Clovis Bray facility on Mars in Meridian Bay while Jeremy stays behind, which isn’t unheard of for them?

But it’s rare when the company separates them. know they’re far more effective as a team and so on, but the call comes from the top and they can’t just say no, so Ryan goes.

Has a Bad Feeling and Jeremy knows him well enough to pick up on it, but pretends he doesn’t, that everything’s fine even though there’s been more chatter on restricted frequencies - Clovis Bray and otherwise - for a few days now, something big going down that’s effecting everyone.

This growing concern/panic leaders are trying to keep under wraps while they figure out how to handle it and so on.

And, look, they’ve been in the business long enough to know to trust Bad Feelings and suchlike? But Jeremy’s all :D because Ryan’s so worked up and he’s trying to reassure him they’ll be fine, you know? Damn good at their jobs and nothing’s managed to kill them yet.

(Yet being the keyword there, Jeremy, as Ryan keeps telling him when Jeremy’s a few drinks in on a slow night and they’re just enjoying one another’s company and sharing stories and yeah.)

Anyway.

Ryan heads to Mars and Jeremy sticks behind and somewhere in between that the Collapse happens, because of course it does.

Just a big ol’ kaboom-level disaster in which they both end up super, duper dead?

But then they get better.

Kind of?

Because, look.

Ryan gets all kinds of fucked up during the kaboom-level disaster and he’s in a Clovis Bray facility and there’s the whole...Exo thing, right?

Hand-wavy shenanigans all over the place in which he’s Exo-fied just before everything goes to hell (really goes to hell) and he comes online or whatever they call it just in time to die again.

(Doesn’t remember the first one, because fleshy human body all fucked up and coding on the table and uh, wow, yes. Also Ryan and his Thing for androids in Sky Factory 4 and also just robots and the like in general, so yeah?)

Anyway.

Ryan dies (again) during the collapse in a shiny Exo body and no time at all to address that, which.

Perfect?

Perfect.

Years go by as the sands of Mars start to bury human cities and whatnot, and along comes a Ghost.

Ryan’s Ghost, to be matter of fact.

Little bastard’s been looking for its Guardian for a long, long time by the time it gets to Mars, seen a lot.

And for whatever reason when it’s poking about this half-buried Clovis Bray facility and stumbles on this shiny new (not so much) Exo decides ah, yes, this one is the one I’ve been looking for all this time.

Ryan gets resurrected on Mars, wakes up choking on dust and sand (or maybe it’s just his mind telling him that’s what’s happening, because Exo? who knows) and this goddamn floating ball of metal and light and sass in front of him.

The Clovis Bray facility is a disaster and the Cabal haven’t found it yet (yet) but they’re going to any day and anyway, anyway, not a good idea to stick around a dead place like that.

His Ghost brought him back a few years after the Collapse, Dark Ages days still, before things like Iron Lords or fancy classes like Titans or Warlocks or Hunters.

Is something of a cross between a Titan and a Warlock in temperament and abilities and understandably a little leery of his little Ghost buddy? Like what even is it/he?

But also, also?

Ryan remembers, okay.

For whatever reasons, he remembers.

Wakes up in a Clovis Bray facility - was there meeting with some higher-ups about concerns they had about some incoming trouble and reluctant to pull both of them from their assignment.

Figured Ryan could speak for them both, and then kaboom, the Collapse and his Exo-fication which he really, really should not remember? But hard to deny the proof and such, and maybe his Ghost is able to pull some information from the computers around them

(And the what the actual fuck and I did not agree to that when I signed my contract and what the fucking fuck and so on of dealing with that on top of everything else and it’s just. It’s a lot to process.)

He remembers his previous life, although there are some gaps and the whatnot - maybe that’s what happens when you die and some sassy floating orb resurrects you, Ryan doesn’t have a frame of reference for these things okay - and from what his Ghost is saying people shouldn’t do that?

Especially with the Exo-fication process and anyway, anyway, yes.

So he keeps quiet about it for the moment, all this oh shit, and fuck, Jeremy and that in the back of his mind and initial wariness of his Ghost and what that’s all about.

Finds a way to get them back to wherever he and Jeremy were assigned - grab a jumpship from the Clovis Bray facility and leave Mars and it’s dead cities behind headed towards Earth because where else would they go?

But also maybe there are others like Ryan and while they’re out here might as well check to see if there are? Bring any survivors and such back with them if they can.

All they find are cities in ruin and the dead, though.

Worse, places where the dead should be, but aren’t.

Because spooky.

But also Bad Things, not all of which are due to the other races the Darkness introduced to humanity, because you know, humanity at its worst and so on.

Still, it gives Ryan the chance to learn about his new body, and his Light-given abilities, to trust them, and weirdly enough bond with his Ghost.

Gives the poor thing a name like Reggie or some other terrible thing that has it sighing and all that at him as humans are just super weird about stuff like that?

But at the same time it’s a name, something more than just Ghost. Which. Not an insult? But still, a name.

When they get to where Ryan and Jeremy were stationed he’s not really expecting to find Jeremy after everything else they’ve seen along the way. Odds stacked against them from the start and all that, and he’s not surprised to find the facility torn open and broken down.

Finds bodies here and there, doesn’t want to look closer but he can’t not at the same time.

Recognizes a few of them, scientists and staff and some security operatives he and Jeremy worked with.

Reggie clearly knows Ryan’s lying about not remembering anything, but chooses not to call him on it at the time.

Not when there’s this...rawness to him as he explores the place he lived and worked in who knows how many years go. Finds the bodies and other remnants of a life (long past, ended violently in the Collapse along with those of everyone else there.

Listens to messages people left before, during, and after the Collapse.

Usual day-to-day things, work logs or personal journals that tick over into calls to supervisors over unusual readings and the like? And then towards the end and staticky and all that, warnings to whoever stumbles across the facility.

Breached containment and toxic chemical ruptures and all that that had to be locked down.

(The handful of people on the other side of it, either too slow or too goddamned brave, sacrificing themselves for the others even though they knew it wouldn’t matter much in the end, and doing it anyway)

Sightings of unknown creatures - beings? Roaming the area outside the facility while its security measures were still active, what remaining security operatives going to confront them and not returning, or dragging themselves back to safety just to die with some cryptic words on what they’d seen out there.

Final words of survivors doomed to die either by whatever was on the other side of the fences and security measures once they inevitably failed or some other cause. (Exposure to toxins/radiation or other fun things. Starvation, etc. No need to worry about old age or natural causes because yeah no, not in the cards for them.)

That cheerful kind of stuff, you know?

Ryan and his Ghost digging into the computers they could and watching footage, watching people he knew a lifetime ago dying.

Watching Jeremy taking charge of things, having to order people to their deaths in the days after the Collapse whether it be to containment breaches or enemies at their gates and so on.

A few logs and personal videos Jeremy left, ones that Ryan makes copies of for himself - Reggie makes copies of everything they find, but Jeremy’s are just for Ryan, you know?

All of what they find may be useful one day, important, but Jeremy’s are just for Ryan. (Reggie safeguards those like you wouldn’t believe because they’re obviously important to Ryan.)

One of Jeremy’s videos are of him in the cramped quarters he and Ryan had to share, half a wall missing and all that because of course.

More rubble than room at that point, and yet it’s where he decided to record that video message.

All quiet and sad and hopeless because no rescue is coming for them, and look, okay, look.

He knows Ryan has to be dead by that point, otherwise his Battle Buddy would have come for him and the others, Clovis Bray be damned.

And Jeremy’s not quite looking at the camera as he just.

Confesses?

Tells Ryan - this one video is for Ryan even though Jeremy’s certain he’d never see it now, but he can’t not and he’ll probably be dead before long anyway, so fuck it, right?

So Jeremy tells Ryan all about the Mutual Pining he was doing leading up to the Collapse, right? All the reasons he fell head over heels for his idiot Battle Buddy and fear of fucking things up between them not knowing if Ryan felt the same and just.

A lot of FEELS going on there?

And then he talks about the Bad Feeling of Ryan’s and the call for him to go to Mars while Jeremy stayed behind.

Tells him he knew something was off, wrong, that something big was coming and goddamn does he hate being right about that kind of thing?

And then, okay.

There’s this tired little laugh, and Jeremy looking right into the camera.

Looks tired, worn down. Like he hasn’t slept in days (hadn’t, most likely) and lost too much weight and right on the edge of breaking.

Tells Ryan with this tired little laugh and tired little smile that he loves him, and he’s sorry he wasn’t brave enough to tell him when he had the chance and all these other heartbreaking things before ending the video.

(Delicious Angst.)

Ryan can’t find any other videos or anything from Jeremy after that, but there are references to the last of the security operatives patrolling the facility and running into opposition. Mentions of them not returning, of the other survivors being on their own and -

Ryan and Reggie go looking, because of course they do.

Find bodies, human and otherwise, but there’s a goddamn hole blown into the side of the facility. Fucking crater that opens up into an underground cavern and no safe way down.

Which, fine.

Ryan jumps, and Reggie brings him back.

Again and again and again until they reach the bottom, and then it’s this endless network or caves and tunnels and they could spend a lifetime looking, but enemies - Fallen? - and too many for one lone Light-bearer and their Ghost and he hates it, hates it, but they can’t stay.

Get back to Earth and kick around there for some time, all the while Ryan working on a way to get back to the facility to find Jeremy and lay him to rest or whatever’s going on in his head.

Runs across this shady bastard who (of course) turns out to be the Drifter and they become...not friends so much as acquaintances and all that? Don’t really trust one another, but they’re not enemies either.

The Iron Lords happen, Ryan and Reggie keeping an eye on things because you never know, and then the thing with SIVA happens and everything after that.

Hop around the system (venture a little beyond it for a time before coming back) and are like.

Bemused at these Guardians they find running around?

Like.

Yeah, okay, interesting, but he and Reggie were there for the Iron Lords and surely it’s only a matter of time until the Guardians go the same way?

But...they don’t?

They even build themselves this City under the Traveler and seem to thrive. Guard (heh,) the remnants of humanity that take shelter in the Traveler’s presence and all that.

Watches them branch out, sees the formation of the Vanguard and the Consensus and all that.

And they don’t go unnoticed either, this weird Light-bearer Exo and his Ghost that have been around for a long, long time.

Are considered allies to the Vanguard and Tower and all that? But not to be trusted at the same time.

Not enemies, just.

Need to be taken with a grain of salt, and also for the love of all that’s holy, do not let them around baby Guardians because they’re kind of terrible?

But yes.

Ryan’s around for all the shenanigans in the first Destiny, but doesn’t get involved himself because he’s no Guardian, you see.

Does, however, do things like message the Vanguard when there’s unusual activity among the Fallen or whichever race is hellbent on wiping humanity out that time.

Tips off Ikora’s hidden that something’s going on in the Plaguelands when the Fallen get into SIVA and so on, checks in on Lord Saladin to see how he’s doing, that kind of thing.

And then the Cabal come to Earth and Ryan’s at the edge of the system at the time, but he definitely feels it when the Cabal manage to lock away the Traveler’s Light.

He and Reggie make their way back to Earth because what the hell is going on?

And they get there just in time for some asshole to kick Ghaul’s ass and the Traveler awakening and all that?

And it’s like, well, shit, because things are going to be in disarray for a while, aren’t they?

Usually that means the Vanguard reaching out to him and those like him to help where Guardians can’t.

Stealth and shady shit and other things the Vanguard seems to turn their noses up at because not exactly Noble, the things people like Ryan get up to, but still needed.

Anyway, off he goes, coordinating with Ikora’s Hidden and all that and he’s all over the place for a while.

Goes back to the Tower and happens to catch a glimpse of someone in armor and is like !!!

It’s the Tower, and all the Guardians wandering around in armor is far from unusual?

BUT.

This asshole is sporting some hideous shader that somehow manages to combine purple and orange with yellow trim and it’s this whiplash moment of !!! for Ryan because!

Or fucking course Jeremy and his bullshit color scheme back when they were working for Clovis Bray, you know?

Shit-eating grin at Ryan’s :O face the first time he realized what a monstrous human being Jeremy was and delighting in it every moment afterwards.

And Ryan, right. Far from an expert on all the shaders out there, but he’s pretty sure Eva would never dare create such a thing as it would be akin to a crime against humanity, and yet.

Ryan sneaks about following the Guardian - a goddamned Titan because of course it is - and maybe gets a little sloppy about it.

Because FEELS and also being a little out of his mind over the coincidence?

Anyway, anyway, he ends up getting cornered in a little alley somewhere down in The City. No one else around for blocks and an understandably peeved Guardian facing him down.

“Hey, pal,” he hears, seemingly friendly enough but there’s an edge to the words all the same. “There a reason you’ve been following me for the last few hours?”

The Guardian’s got their helmet on, because of course, but there’s -

Ryan knows that voice.

(Of fucking course he does.)

Stares and stares and stares because oh, okay, this has to be it, you know? He’s been alive for a few hundred years by this point, and sooner or later he’d lose it, because of course he would, right?

Exo-fied without consent and tossed into the life of a Light-bearer - again, without consent although he’s more okay with Reggie’s actions than the scientists at Clovis Bray who Exo-fied him - and made sense he’d go mad at some point.

Because no way in hell is that Jeremy he’s looking at. No damned way.

AND YET.

It totally is Jeremy, although he goes by Rimmy Tim now (lololol, I’m so, so sorry) and doesn’t remember his previous life at all and oh, God his poor Ghost is sporting a shell in the same hideous purple/orange shader and why did it have to be this way?

But also seriously, Ryan being blue screen of death over the whole Jeremy is a goddamned Guardian now???

Apparently resurrected following the Red War and new to the whole Guardian deal.

Ryan tries to stay away because he’s got all these issues to sort out and doesn’t want to scare Jeremy away/make him hate him/who even knows what he’s thinking at that point?

But it doesn’t stick because Jeremy’s alive.

Doesn’t know Ryan or the fact they were this close to figuring their shit out before the world ended around them and things got seriously fucked up.

Thinks Ryan’s some weird shady dude along the lines of the Drifter and all that? Which, to be fair, he is?

BUT.

Zavala and Ikora trust him, and Cayde did too.

Ryan keeps tabs on Jeremy the whole time because like hell is he not going to do that?

But he tries his best to keep his distance for Jeremy’s sake and all?

And then there’s a Situation the Vanguard need him to look into, and would he like help with this one?

And Ryan, okay.

Ryan.

Does his damndest to be good about this, not drag Jeremy into things, but Zavala’s a clever bastard.

Has noticed Ryan’s obvious - to Zavala and Ikora, and even Cayde’s amusement/understanding before he died - interest in Jeremy.

And weirdly, conveniently, Jeremy knocks on the door to Zavala’s office while Ryan’s in there talking to him about this Situation.

“Uh, am I interrupting?”

And Zavala gives Ryan this little smirk.

“Rimmy Tim is a promising young Titan,” he says. “Clever. Resourceful. I think he would prove to be a great asset in this endeavor.”

And Jeremy, okay.

Keen on helping the Vanguard with things like this Situation, and he’ll admit to being curious about weird, shady Ryan and how he fits into things, and anyway.

Ryan doesn’t have much choice in the matter about it all, and before you know it the two of them are out investigating weird shit together.

Ryan barely keeping his shit together the whole time because Jeremy is so fucking Jeremy even though he doesn’t remember anything about his previous life.

Reggie is like, super concerned and doesn’t sass Ryan more than a couple of times a day due to said concern.

Jeremy’s Ghost is like, dude, what the hell? While Reggie is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because hahaha, Light-bearers are just weird as hell, right?

Their investigations take them back to Mars and the same Clovis Bray facility where Ryan was Exo-fied and it’s.

Jeremy doesn’t know what’s up with Ryan and Reggie, but once Ryan quietly mentions that oh, hey, yeah. This is where they turned me into this *gestures at himself with this weird hollow/bitter laugh because yes* and then he died, and also Reggie found him years later and so on?

And Jeremy’s like shit, dude, and also, oh, okay thinking that’s why they’re being super weird?

But then they find records and some video of human!Ryan way back before and Jeremy’s fucking riveted, okay.

Human!Ryan talking to one of his bosses about an assignment they’re going to send these Battle Buddies off on - Jeremy looking over at Ryan when he flinches or something along those lines and thinks, oh, man, poor guy, because apparently Ryan had a partner way back when?

Someone the Clovis Bray bigwig talks about with this amused/fond look on their face like the two of them were inseparable and all that? Force to be reckoned with and all that.

And!

Of course that’s when the bigwig’s office door opens to let the other half of the Battle Buddies in.

“What the fuck?”

Because, hey, wow, would you look at that? That’s fucking Jeremy sauntering on in with a little grin on his face and all that, tossing human!Ryan a look before giving the Clovis Bray bigwig a nod and no, seriously, what the fuck.

This whole Thing where Ryan stiffly (because dealing with all these EMOTIONS about Jeremy and terrified he’d - rightly so - want nothing to do with Ryan because of the everything) tells him that yeah, so.

They totally knew one another way back when? Worked together and so on and all this and just.

Yeah.

Jeremy’s Ghost manages to salvage more videos of the two of them - sparring in Clovis Bray gym facilities and the whatnot and training/demonstrating/whatever for security operatives?

Ryan leaves him to it while he and Reggie go poking about the rest of the place pretty much expecting Jeremy to tell them he wants nothing to do with them once they’re done with whatever the Vanguard has them doing?

But no, okay, no.

First of all, Jeremy’s super weirded out, but he’s not mad? OR he doesn’t think he is???

It’s complicated.

What he does know is that he and his Ghost like Ryan and Reggie, are starting to think of them as friends, even.

And then, okay, and then?

There’s also the fact that with a different perspective Jeremy can totally fucking see how fucking head over heels he and Ryan were for one another?

The way they look at one another, okay, that alone.

Can’t tell if they were an official? Thing and it feels cruel to ask Ryan, considering Jeremy doesn’t remember him? So he doesn’t.

Just.

Decides he’d like to get to know Ryan now, see what happens and all that?

Ryan’s like ??? because he was not expecting that? Is a little reluctant because what if it’s a mistake? He still loves the shit out of Jeremy, pre-Collapse and now, but maybe that’s not what’s best for Jeremy?

Tries to tell him that, but Jeremy’s not having it.

Like, will honestly leave Ryan alone if he genuinely wants him to considering their past and the emotional roller coaster Ryan’s been on since pretty much forever?

But if it’s all the same to Ryan Jeremy would like to keep working with him?

And they do, because Ryan thinks he’s too much a selfish bastard to tell Jeremy no, and Jeremy kind of feels the same?

They deal with the Situation together (Battle Buddies, fuck yeah) and when they report back to Zavala he’s all HMM at them, but doesn’t comment on things and it just.

Becomes this understood Thing that Ryan and Jeremy are a team now, going all over the place to deal with things Ikora’s Hidden sniff out or some “friend” of Ryan’s want them to look into.

Ryan quietly Suffering because Jeremy’s still so very Jeremy and yet a completely different person. Jeremy falling for Ryan because of course he does, and Ryan keenly aware of it at some point.

(Stopped lying to himself about things like that a long time ago, or maybe he’s too tired to lie to himself about them now, who knows.)

Looks at Jeremy one night, the two of them camped out in a shell of a building and just.

Sighs.

Takes out the batch of recordings and videos Jeremy left behind at the end and gives them to Jeremy because...he doesn’t know why, really.

Just thinks it’s important he sees them for himself before he says something he might regret. (Does something he might regret, idk.)

And then off Ryan goes to keep watch or patrol the area or whatever and conveniently not be there while Jeremy watches his past self confessing his love to Ryan like that was a mistake he never got to make in person or something?

It makes no goddamned sense, and Jeremy’s a bit of an emotional mess by the end of it because jfc, he past him was a complete idiot, and both Ryans are too?

Past Ryan just for being a dense idiot the same as past Jeremy, present Ryan because he’s been carrying those recordings along with him for ages, and the whole Guilt about not finding Jeremy’s body to lay him to rest way back when.

The Guilt about knowing who Jeremy was when he met him again and not telling him (that makes Jeremy a little angry because dude, seriously?), and yet again more Guilt for not telling him about the Mutual Pining?

And just.

He yells at Ryan a hell of a lot when he tracks him down, finds him on a rooftop staring up at the stars while Reggie watches over him.

Realizes Ryan’s looking towards the sector of space where he and Ryan were stationed when the Collapse happened, that the idiot probably made a habit of doing so after Jeremy died because Delicious Angst?

He yells, but there’s no real heat to it because Jeremy’s a wreck, and also he gets it?

Doesn’t know Ryan super well, just yet, but enough to see why he’d do/think some of the things he has.

Feels...not guilty, exactly, but something in that he doesn’t remember Ryan or the lives they had before all...this, but.

They’ve got a second chance, and maybe, maybe they could do something with it?

Not saying they have to, necessarily, but.

Uh.

They do make a good team, and all that, and -

Ryan’s just looking at Jeremy like he doesn’t know what to say (it’s true) and kind of like he thinks he may be dreaming this (he’s not) and Jeremy’s afraid he’s saying all the wrong things?

But then.

It’s like

That could be a thing they could do, become Battle Buddies 2.0 and let Zavala know he only has himself to blame for it, so of course they do, you know?

Go off and Adventure about, causing Zavala headache after headache and getting these little smiles out of Ikora and such.

And one day maybe they get their shit together and finally freaking do something about all the FEELINGS the have for one another.

Get it right this time, with the love confessions and smooches - or like, whatever it is Exos do in that regard?

But yes.

Also they run into the rest of the AH bunch at some point, a few of which are some of Ryan’s shady friends, because of course they are. >:D

(ALSO, omg, yessss? I was like aw, man, not again Bungie :((((((((((((((( even though I totally understand the reasons for the delay? Like. I want the shinies of new content and omg, EXO STRANGER :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD right now? But also omg, yes Bunige, please take the time you need. XD)

#ragehappy #jeremwood #battle buddies #battle buddies destiny au #prompt fills #demoncowedgar #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#(shit #sorry about the posting fail everyone!) also #long post

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 5 years ago

Text

Missed Moments with You

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 14353

Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?

Read on AO3

Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”

AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.

Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.

———————————————

Simon

Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.

“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”

Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”

“Sounds like the usual.”

“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”

I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”

“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”

“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”

I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.

———————————————

I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.

“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”

“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.

“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”

Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”

“They’re filthy!”

“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”

I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”

Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.

I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.

The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.

I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.

The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”

“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”

“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”

I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”

“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.

“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”

“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”

“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair. “If we go out...”

Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”

“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”

“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”

I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”

“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”

“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”

“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”

Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”

“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”

“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”

“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”

“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”

“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”

“Too much information, Si.”

“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”

“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”

I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”

“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”

My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”

We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?

“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”

I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”

“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”

“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really, really like him.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, I can deal with that.”

“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”

Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”

“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”

“Love you too, Si, bye!”

The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.

———————————————

“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”

Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.

“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”

“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”

I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”

“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.

“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”

I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.

“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.

“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”

“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet.”

“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.

“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”

“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”

I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”

Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”

They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.

“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.

“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”

They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.

My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.

Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️

I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?

Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time

Baz [13:41] ❤️

———————————————

“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.

“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.

“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”

I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”

“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”

Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.

“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.

I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.

“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”

God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”

He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.

“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.

“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”

“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”

“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”

I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”

“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”

“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”

“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”

I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best.

He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”

“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”

Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”

“A new scone recipe.”

He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”

I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”

“And then you’ll start making your own.”

“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”

He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”

I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”

He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse.

(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)

(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)

(Even though he is better than me...)

I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”

“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”

“We’re both suffering it seems.”

“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”

“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...

———————————————

Thursday April 21

Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?

Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry

Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?

Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!

Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.

———————————————

Sunday April 30

Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?

Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...

Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️

Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?

Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️

———————————————

Wednesday May 8

Baz [22:24] I miss you

Simon [22:24] I miss you too

———————————————

My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”

“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“

“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”

“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”

“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”

“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”

I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.

“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really, really want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”

Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”

“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”

“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”

My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.

“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”

“Sounds good. Bye, darling.

“Bye, darling.”

I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.

———————————————

“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.

“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”

I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”

“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”

“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”

“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”

She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”

“Thank you!”

We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.

“M-Mr. Snow?”

My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.

“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”

He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.

“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.

“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”

“Okay, where does she live?”

“L-Luton, I think.”

Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.

“Alright. Do you know her number?”

Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.

“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”

“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”

She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”

“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”

“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”

“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”

“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”

I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”

I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.

“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”

“No problem, see you soon.”

The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”

Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”

“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”

“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”

He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.

I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times.

“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.

“Hey,” I sigh.

“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”

“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”

“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”

“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”

“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”

“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”

It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”

God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”

“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.

“Bye, darling.”

He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.

“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”

I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”

I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.

“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto

And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up, again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.

Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”

Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”

Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”

“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”

I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.

Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”

“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.

“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”

“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”

She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”

She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”

Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”

Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”

“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”

Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”

I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”

“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.

Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.

Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.

Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️

Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.

I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.

Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️

Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...

I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.

———————————————

“I’m a dick,” I groan.

“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”

“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.

“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”

I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”

“Well, take him out on his next day off.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”

Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”

“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”

“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”

“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”

I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”

“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”

There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.

“What time is it where you are?” she asks.

I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”

“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”

I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”

“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”

“Absolutely, go ahead.”

Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.

———————————————

UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.

From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.

“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.

“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”

“Okay. Are you a patient...?

“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.

The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.

“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.”

He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”

“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”

I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”

“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”

Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."

"That...sounds odd."

Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”

“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”

“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”

“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”

“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”

“Will do, thanks!”

He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.

I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators, twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-

I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.

“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”

“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”

“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”

Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”

“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.”

They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.

Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.

I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.

Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...

I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.

My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.

———————————————

I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.

The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.

“Hello?” I say

“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”

“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”

I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”

“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”

“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”

“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”

Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”

I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.

“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”

“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.

Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”

“Hey I-”

“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”

My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”

“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”

“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”

“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”

“Um, well, I can see your point.”

“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”

I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”

“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”

“I promise. Talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.

I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.

I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.

I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?

“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”

Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.

“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”

“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”

My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”

“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”

His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”

“Um, yeah...”

He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”

“I-I didn’t know you texted.”

“Check your phone!”

I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.

“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”

“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”

My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”

“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”

I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”

“N-No! I don’t!”

“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”

“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”

“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”

He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”

Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”

“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.

“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”

“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”

“You weren’t going to lose me!”

“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”

“Because what, Snow?!”

“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”

The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz’s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”

“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.

“Yeah. I did.”

His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me? In love with me?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”

Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt.

Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.

I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.

I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”

Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.

———————————————

Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.

So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so, so incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.

“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.

Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”

“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.

He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.

“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”

My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what? Me? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”

He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”

I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.

“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”

“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”

Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”

I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”

Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.

“That’s a long story,” I sigh.

Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”

“Simon-”

“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”

Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”

“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”

“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”

I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”

Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.

“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.

“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.

“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”

I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all.

“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”

“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”

Baz kisses my forehead. “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”

I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”

“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”

“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”

I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."

Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”

I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”

Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”

“I would love nothing more.”

I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.

Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”

I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”

He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.

———————————————

Three months later

“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”

Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.

“That mixer was very heavy.”

“Baz.”

He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”

I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.

“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”

“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”

Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.

“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”

“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”

That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”

“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”

“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."

I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."

She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.

“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”

I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.

“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.

“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”

“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”

Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”

Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”

Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.

“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”

“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.

“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”

I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”

“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”

I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”

Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”

“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”

“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”

I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”

“I love you so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”

I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”

He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”

“You have a good idea every once in a while.”

“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.

“Yeah, I like that one.”

“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”

“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.

“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.

Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."

I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:

"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.

"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"

"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.

"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.

"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."

I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."

"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"

"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."

Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”

"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder

"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."

Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."

I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”

“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”

“I’ve been learning!”

He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”

“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?

“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.

I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.

God, I truly have an amazing life.

———————————————

Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!

#carry on #wayward son #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #penelope bunce #shepard #lamb #established relationship #angst with a happy ending #jealous simon #communication failure #mysnowbazfic

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shadowthrone-ammanas · 5 years ago

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Ghost Kid Chapter Ten: Repairs

Hat Kid was getting close to finishing her attempt at repairing the ship. She wouldn’t know if it was successful until she finished and turned it on. Once on, its self-diagnostics systems would tell her if the ship could fly and if so, how well.

It was nerve-wracking being so close to an answer on whether or not she was stuck here or if she’d have to truly start to consider how people back home might react to her new form. Despite that she buckled down on it, taking breaks only to read her book in lieu of sleeping.

The Subcon history book was dense and thick, lasting her far longer than any of the fairytale books had. The images of Subcon before it had been cursed were the most interesting. It was just a normal small kingdom surrounded by normal woods. It seemed to be a peaceful place, a few wars had been fought over it but not many and none of them particularly bad, all ending in peace treaties. It was actually kind of boring, not what Hat Kid had been expecting at all. It kept her busy when not working on her ship so she kept reading, hoping for more interesting stuff to pop up deeper in the book.

But eventually she reached a point where she finally, at long last had done everything she possibly could to repair her ship with what resources she had. She’d had to cut a few corners but in theory it might work. Only one way to find out.

The ship fired up just fine. Maybe it took a few seconds longer than normal but that might’ve just been her anticipation making it seem longer. She sat at the command desk… where her body had been and thus where she’d died! … Nope, she wasn’t thinking about that right now even if she just realized she’d been avoiding this spot until now. But she had no choice, it was the ship’s command desk.

She quickly punched in some commands, starting the ship’s self-diagnostics. It took it a few minutes but the overall result came up yellow. More info revealed that it was functional but being careful was advised, especially when warp jumping. The computer also advised going home for immediate proper repair. But that was possible, according the computer which was rarely wrong, the ship could safely make it all the way back home. Meaning despite all odds she’d done it, she’d gotten her ship space worthy again. All she had to do now was fix the window and she was free to go home whenever she pleased because she already had all the Time Pieces back – she’d only been sticking around to do the Death Wish contracts.

It almost didn’t feel real. How long had she been working on this? Weeks and weeks for sure, months even. And now it was basically done. But… did she still even want to go home?

Would she be accepted back as a ghost? Would returning dead count as having failed the final test? If so, they’d want take her ship away. Did she want to risk that with how strict the Headmaster was? Her ship meant everything to her, losing it or giving it up was out of the question, it was hers. But… she’d worked so hard to go back home, both before and after her death. And it was home she couldn’t just abandon home without even trying even if it meant risking her ship, could she?

With a sigh, she exited through the broken window, floating down to the forest floor. If only she could take a nap, get away from thinking about this decision for a while. She could read, that helped a lot but… she wasn’t in the mood to slog through more the history book right now.

Instead, she went for a wander. Getting away from the ship and just looking around the forest was nice, especially now that there weren’t any hazards to her. Eventually she inevitably ended up looking for Snatcher. It had been a while since she’d talked to him, days in fact. She found him in his favourite reading spot in the giant hollow.

“Snatcher,” she said in way of greeting as she floated in.

“Hmm… hello,” he replied, not looking up from his book.

“Um… I finished repairing my ship.” That got him to lower his book and look at her. “All I need to do now is fix the window and I can go home.”

“That’s great news,” he replied with a smile. “I’ll finally be rid of you. I can’t wait.”

“Yeah, but…” Hat Kid lifted a hand to rub the back her neck, far too used to the feel of her own ghostly form now. “I don’t know if I want to go to back home.”

Snatcher’s eyes narrowed as he actually closed his book now. “Why not?”

“I uh… don’t know if… they’d let me back like this. They might… count my death as a failure and… take away my ship.” And without that, what was the point? She had no family, a friend yes, but… would Bow want her back like this?

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“The school. I didn’t teach myself how to fly and repair a space ship, you know, someone had to teach me.”

“Honestly kid, if you told me you did, I might actually believe you.” Oh! A compliment, that was unlike him. Exciting stuff. But before she could call him on it, he continued. “But why are they teaching children that stuff in the first place?”

Should Hat Kid answer this? She’d been told not to say anything about her home planet to any intelligent life she discovered. … He was her BFF though so it was probably fine, especially since he wasn’t likely to be able to do anything with the info even if he wanted to. Besides, the rule had been about intelligent life and Snatcher was not alive so telling him was technically not breaking the rules. So…

“Well,” she said, “most of the kids aren’t given a real ship to fly until they’re a bit older. I’m what they call a ‘prodigy’ though, meaning I’m like real smart or something. I went through the classes super-fast so I would be allowed to fly a spaceship.” Once she’d learned that that was on the table, she’d been determined to do it no matter what it took. “Some of the teachers complained about how fast I was elevated because like a lot of the pilot tests and training things are super dangerous and people get hurt during them. They quickly stopped caring though after I aced the first one.” And she’d never cared, danger was fun and more than worth dealing with if it meant she got to fly her ship.

Snatcher frowned. “That sounds like a major lawsuit waiting to happen. They’re going to get sued into the ground sometime soon, the fact that they haven’t been already is a miracle.”

Hat Kid shrugged; she didn’t know much about that kind of thing. “I don’t know if they can be.” She didn’t really care either. “I’m pretty sure they’re heavily backed by the government or some big important organization that wants more trained pilots for their space fleet. They’re into ‘exploring outer space and expanding their galactic influence’ which I’m pretty sure means they’re into conquering weaker planets and expanding their space empire.”

Now Snatcher actually looked offended. It was comical. “That’s even worse kid. What the peck is wrong with your home planet?”

“I don’t know.” Hat Kid hadn’t thought anything was strange about it, though she had grown up with it so maybe he was right? She didn’t care though, she just wanted to fly her space ship. But… “Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t.” Lies, he put on a calm demeanor now that didn’t change how openly offended he’d just been. “I’m just saying, a school training children and other young people to be part of basically their army is amoral. I have no doubt there’s a lot of brainwashing going on there. The fact that their training is dangerous makes it even worse, especially since they let literal children take part in it.”

“What about all your contracts? You forced me to work for you, doing some pretty dangerous things. And the Death Wish contracts are super-duper dangerous, I almost died doing them more times than I can count. So, aren’t you just as bad as they are?”

“That’s different.” Snatcher made a dismissive gesture. “I’m not in charge of your wellbeing. People who take on the responsibility of raising and teaching children should at least try to raise them well.”

“So, what you’re saying is if you adopted a kid, you’d be a good parent?” Hat Kid would like to see that. She couldn’t even imagine Snatcher trying to be good, it’d be hilarious.

“Oh uh… I guess I’d try to be.” Snatcher shrugged, examining his nonexistent nails. “I’m not going to adopt any children though. I hate kids, they’re the worst. There’s one in particular that won’t stop bothering me, she’s without a doubt the single most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

Hat Kid couldn’t help but giggle a bit. “I’ll take that as a compliment. You’re old so you must’ve met a lot of people, the fact that I’m the most annoying one is impressive.”

“I’m not old.” Despite his contrary words, his expression and tone were closer to being soft than he probably intended. “Or well… maybe I am old in a way. Nothing wrong with being old though. And it wasn’t a compliment, it was an insult. Being annoying is a bad thing kid, it makes people not like you.”

“Well, you seem to like me plenty despite that so I’m not too worried.”

Snatcher scoffed. “In your dreams kid.” He could say that all he wanted but she knew the truth, this conversation confirmed it. But speaking of that, the thing she’d come here to discuss with him wasn’t resolved, they’d got sidetracked.

“But uh… anyway,” she said. “I was tasked with visiting three planets to gather data and stuff, this one wasn’t really planned, as a final test. I was supposed to fly back home and graduate and the ship would officially be mine.” It already was hers as far as she was concerned. “But… since I died, they might view it as a failure and take away my ship. I… would rather not return if that’s what they’re going to do.”

“How likely is it that they’ll take your ship?”

“Uh… I don’t know but… I fear it’s high.” Was she just being paranoid though? Or was she judging them accurately? “And I don’t know much about ghosts on my home planet but… I know there are ghost hunters who hunt them. I don’t know what they do with them once they catch them though.” There was a very real possibility she’d find out if she went back. “So… I don’t know if I should go home but I’ve worked so hard to go back and it’s still home so… I’m not sure what I should do.”

“Hmmm… sounds like you’re in a bit of pickle.”

“Yeah, can you uh… help me? Give me advice or something? I know you probably don’t have any experience in this kind of thing but… I don’t know what to do.”

Snatcher was silent for a few seconds before replying. “Depending on the exact laws of your planet, you might be able to make a legal case for keeping your ship and graduating. You’re a child without a legal guardian though so that complicates things a bit on top of the fact that the school itself is already unethical so they wouldn’t play fair and they’d be able to get away with it because they have a lot of money and a powerful backer. And you’re a ghost, if they’re the kind who want to eradicate ghosts, then you’re probably screwed if you return. So, I would say, if you comfortable taking the risk, then go for it, otherwise, cut your losses and find a new home. You already said you don’t have any parents and the way you spoke about it suggested you don’t have any family either so there’s really nothing keeping you from not returning.” His tone suggested he thought that was the right course of action.

“Uh… okay. I need to think about it some more than I guess.” But really… she’d already decided, hadn’t she? She’d just wanted someone to tell her that that was the right choice or at least an okay choice to make. And she needed one more thing… “If I do decide not to go back though can I… stay here?” Because where else would she go? She was a ghost, a haunted forest full of other ghosts would be the most logical place for her to call her new home. With a bit of work – and probably with Snatcher’s help if he was willing – she could get a docking bay for her ship in the forest so she could take off and land at will. She could take her ship to the nearest spaceport to repair it fully before returning and then from then on this would be her home base. Assuming of course that Snatcher was okay with her staying indefinitely.

Snatcher opened his mouth as if to answer but grimaced instead. “Uh… you know what, fine,” he finally said, relaxing back into his chair. “Since you died, you’ve been less of a bother anyway, so I guess you can stay, provided you continue to stay out of my way.”

“All right, I can do that. Thank you!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go figure out what you want to do.” He made a shooing gesture towards her. “And then tell me so I know if I should expect you to stick around or not.” He picked up his book again, opening it and already ignoring her again.

Previous / Next

#My Writing #ahit #A hat in time #ghost kid #snatcher & hat kid #Talk of Hat Kid's past #ghost kid fic

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jjkfire · 5 years ago

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Hi sweety! How are you doing? Is life treating you right? How’s the job going? I heard it’s Thanksgiving there! Hope you got a nice meal with great ppl! Just wanted to check up on you and say how thankful I am that you’re here and happy and for your work! Seeing you achieving the things you wanted and living life your own way makes me very happy! Hope you have a great weekend!

hello!!!!!!!! oh my gosh i am so sorry for the late reply lol i have had such a busy month and i always feel like i take time to reply to your asks because i don’t want them to be half-assed replies ): anyway i’ll reply to this ask and the others under the cut!

//i’ll reply to this new ask first! but i’m good :D how are you??? it is thanksgiving and i spent it with my friend’s family hehe so it was great. i ate a lot which made me very happy and i also got to see my friend whom i haven’t seen in a few months hehe. again, you’re so nice and sweet and although thanksgiving is an american thing haha i hope you had a wonderful week and weekend regardless of that. i hope you too are out there achieving the things you want in life!!!

Sweet pumpkin pie (cause Halloween is around the corner)! I was fast replying this time! You know, I really don’t mind the negativity around me, ppl being false and not treating me “right” as long as I’m myself and kind and generous. I don’t tolerate being disrespected and stuff and am fierce and scary when I’m standing my ground, but only when necessary. You know, negativity and victimization is an option; we always have a choice, so I chose to absorb all the positive things and silverlinings +

The course called Now is basically self-help. It’s lead by a very famous psychiatrist Roberto Shinyashiki and Arthur and lots of guests, like Fernando Scherer; they coach you to get to your top performance, what’s stopping you from getting what you want, show successful cases, do a lot of regression exercises and other things to organize your mind. It’s orchestrated to be empowering as you’re surrounded by 3 thousand people. It can be used in your personal/social life, finance or business/career

I’m sure gonna check the books you recommended. I will recommend “Decifre e Influencie Pessoas” – Paulo Vieira and “O Corpo Fala” – Pierre Weil, if there’s a translation in English to have a better understanding of human beings. I do really like Jung’s Man and His Symbols and “About Behaviorism” by Skinner. If you haven’t checked them yet and are interested, do it. It’s a pretty heavy reading, but so enlightening. The human mind fascinates me!

Everything is so nice right now! I feel so happy. Hope you’re felling the same way too! This weekend I met so many friends and even went to Beco do Batman. I posted (and will be still) the pics in the other blog (if you search for the tag pp-epiphany, it’ll show). And if you ever revive your photo blog or create a photo Instagram account, I would love to see it, if you don’t mind! I made that blog to remind me of the good things I get to experience.

It makes me extra happy to hear you felt nostalgic (or as we say here: com saudades) the lead you to revisit your old blog! As always, I wish you’re having such an amazing time in this new life and that you never loose your brightness and shine at anything you put your mind to. Have a great day, even better week and a super duper amazing weekend. And if you enjoy Halloween, happy spooky season! Hope you go to a lot of parties and have fun!!! Ps excel sheets are the sexiest thing on pc. Period.

///

can’t believe it took me more than a month to reply ): i am genuinely so sorry but time passes by so fast! i will reply faster next time, i promise! but yes, don’t let people step all over you but also always remember to be kind haha. sounds contradictory but i think there’s a fine line and as long as you are aware and you’re happy then all is good. and yeah the power of positivity is amazing! i think people laugh at it but personally, it helps me a lot.

oh yes i’ve defo heard of roberto shinyashiki! did you find the course helpful? i’ve watched the netflix documentary on tony robbins’ course and perhaps because i wasn’t there in person, i didn’t feel its power. everyone interviewed really seemed to have loved it tho.

wahhh nice book recs and yes that is definitely some heavy reading hahaha if i ever find the time, i’ll look into those! i’ve been getting into audiobooks lately bc i find it easier to listen to books on my way to work so maybe if i find them on audible, i’ll give it a listen. same. love the human mind and all the things we do and don’t know about it

i’m glad you’re feeling happy and that you got to meet your friends and got to go to places. i’ve seen the pics!!! the artwork is amazing and i loved the pic you took of the flowers too :D i’ll defo let you know the insta handle when and if i ever make it HAHAHA. and my old blog is honestly just reblogs and not photos i’ve personally taken haha so it’s nothing great but com saudades indeed (”:

i hope all is well with you and that you’re very happy and loving life too! i didn’t do anything for halloween but definitely enjoyed the vibes and seeing the decorations all over the neighbourhood. people had crazy inflatables and all this amazing decor. it was great! and yes excel sheets are my life!!!!

i hope you too continue to bring happiness to those around you and also do things that make you happy and fulfill you!!!! :3 i know my replies are always late but please know that i 10000% appreciate getting these messages from you!

#replies #pp-euphoria #yikes i hope keep reading works!!!#lov u

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danganronpaimagineslol-blog · 6 years ago

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Danganronpa Imagine | Being taught to dance by an Ultimate Dancer S/O

A/N: Ahh, sorry, I think I might’ve misinterpreted the prompt a bit (and of course I only realize this AFTER finishing all the stories ;-;)???? I’m extremely sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting!

I still hope this is an enjoyable read though!

Shuichi, Kaito, and Maki x S/O

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: N/A

Requests are closed at the moment!

Shuichi Saihara

Normally, Shuichi would never even dream of dancing, especially with a partner. Although he definitely wasn’t clumsy by any means, dancing had never seemed to click with the detective. However, he had mostly just been too afraid and awkward to try the activity out in the first place.

Yet, he couldn’t deny that his S/O, being the Ultimate Dancer zie was, had piqued his interest in the sport. Shuichi always came to zir performances, and each time he found himself completely entranced by the graceful twirls and leaps. Not only that, but his S/O always seemed to have fun while dancing as well.

Maybe... Maybe I should give it a try, he thought. Even if I suck, getting a chance to dance with my S/O will still be super nice no matter what.

Thus, Shuichi eventually worked up the courage to ask his S/O to become a dance mentor of sorts. The Ultimate Detective wasn't necessarily afraid of being rejected – no, zie was far too kind and considerate for that – but was more-so afraid that his S/O would judge him and question his sudden interest in the world of dance.

Luckily for Shuichi, however, his S/O acted anything but negatively. In fact, zie was incredibly pleased and ecstatic with the development. Zie was practically jumping up and down in excitement.

"Ahh, I'm so happy right now! Y'know, I've always wanted to dance with you at least once but was always afraid of pushing you out of your comfort zone, so I never asked," his S/O admitted. "But to think you'd come to me first... I'm so excited!"

A few days passed, and before Shuichi had even realized it, their lesson was upon him. Although he was filled with anticipation, he was admittedly a nervous wreck. He knew his S/O would be a great, patient teacher, yet his mind continued to flip through all of the possible ways he could screw up and tick zim off.

"Alright, so first things first, have you had any experience with dancing before, Shuichi?" his S/O asked.

"U-um, no." The detective silently cursed himself for stuttering at such a simple question. "I actually haven't had much experience in any type of dance."

"Oh, that's totally fine!" Zie gave a reassuring smile. "We can start with some basic steps then. How does the cha-cha sound to you?"

Shuichi shrugged and nodded, despite not exactly knowing what the cha-cha actually was.

"Alright, I'll demonstrate it for you first." Despite the simple process, the Ultimate Dancer's footwork was fluid and graceful.

Zie continued for a few seconds before asking, "You think you got it?"

The detective swallowed and nodded hesitantly. Sure, the cha-cha looked awfully simple, but his S/O could make any dance look easy. Still, he was determined. Shuichi couldn't back out now, especially since his S/O made some time in zir busy schedule to teach him.

His S/O gave him a comforting smile. "Here, I'll do it at the same time as you, and I'll count slowly. Ready?" At his nod of approval, she counted, "And a 5, 6, 7, 8..."

Despite going at a snail's pace, Shuichi still stumbled and fumbled his way through the dance. He often found himself with his weight on the wrong foot, stepping forward when he was supposed to shift back, and staying in place when he should've been moving, among other things. Every time he messed up, his S/O would smile and assure him he was doing fine, as well as offer a piece of advice. Yet, even with zir seemingly infinite supply of patience and support, Shuichi was still immensely troubled by his lack of skill.

Several minutes passed before he heaved a great sigh and turned to face his S/O, eyes averted to the ground in embarrassment. "S/O, I... I'm sorry, but I just don't think dancing's for me. Even with you, the Ultimate Dancer, helping me, I'm just... just a lost cause when it comes to this sort of thing." Shuichi laughed bitterly.

His S/O frowned, concern plain on zir face. "Shuichi... You're not a lost cause," zie said, shaking zir head. "At least, you're not a lost cause until you've decided to give up."

Shuichi's S/O reached out zir arm and gently lifted the detective's chin to look into his golden eyes, a kind expression on zir face. "I don't care if it takes you a thousand years to learn this dance, I'll be there to support every step of the way. Really, the fact that you're even interested in dancing in the first place makes me happier than I can express." Zie smiled and laughed softly. "I mean, since this is your first time dancing, I wouldn't expect you to be super duper amazing anyway."

The detective stared back at his S/O, a smile slowly spreading on his lips. "I... Well, thank you, S/O. That... That means a lot to me."

His S/O grinned. "Well, anything for you, of course. So, how about it? Wanna continue, or do you wanna take a break?"

"...I can practice a bit more," Shuichi said, a newfound determination in his gaze.

"Like music to my ears!" Zie beamed. "And a 5, 6, 7, 8..."

Kaito Momota

“Hey, quick question.”

Kaito and his S/O were chilling in the living room, both laying on the couch. Upon the astronaut’s inquiry, his S/O lazily raised zir head.

“Hm? What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking, how do you feel about teaching me some dance moves? I mean, you are the Ultimate Dancer and all, so it’d be pretty cool learning from the best, y’know?” he casually asked.

Zie quirked an eyebrow in curiosity. “Well, sure, that’d actually be sorta fun, now that I think about it. I’m not sure if I’d be the best teacher though.” Zie laughed softly.

“Nah, that’s fine,” Kaito shook his head confidently. “If the Luminary of the Stars can take on the galaxy, I sure as hell can take on the dancefloor!”

His S/O snorted. “Oh, really? Have you had any experience dancing before?”

“Nope!” the Ultimate Astronaut replied, his confidence unwavering. “I mean, there’s a first time for everything anyway. As long as I don’t give up, I’ll get the hang of dancing eventually! Plus, I’ve got the best person for the job personally teaching me,” he added.

“Well, I admire your courage,” his S/O nodded approvingly. “Alright, let’s get up. I’ve got some time, so I can teaching you some dancing right here, right now.”

Kaito immediately sprung up from the couch, cracking his knuckles. “Bring it on! How hard can moving your body to a rhythm even be?”

As it turns out, moving your body to a rhythm was, indeed, very hard. Apparently, even the Luminary of the Stars couldn’t help but trip over his own feet some of the time — or more accurately, all of the time. Still, he didn’t let these setbacks dampen his spirits; in fact, as time went on, he gradually became more and more fired up.

“One more time! I’ll get it this time around, I can just feel it!” he exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air to hype himself up.

Isn’t that exactly what you said last time...? his S/O thought, amused, but kept quiet; zie didn’t want to discourage the astronaut.

However, after stumbling off rhythm for the thirtieth time or so, Kaito eventually sighed and collapsed back onto the couch. He wiped the sweat off his brow and looked up at his S/O. “Not to give up or anything, but... Do you have any easier dances I could possibly learn?”

His S/O sat down on the couch beside him and shook zir head regretfully. “Sorry, but I chose the easiest one I knew.”

Kaito chuckled dryly. “Heh, if I wasn’t utterly failing at that dance a few seconds ago, I’d almost be offended.”

“Well, um...” Zie struggled to pick up the conversation. After a few seconds of awkward silence, zie suddenly stood up from the couch. “Hey, how about we take a quick break for now? Like, get some water or something, then try again afterward?”

“Sounds good.” Kaito stood up as well and followed his S/O over to the kitchen. “I’m sure I’ll feel just fine after a little break!”

“That’s the spirit!” His S/O grinned, relieved that trying to dance hadn’t swiped the Ultimate Astronaut of all his fervor.

Unfortunately, however, the break wasn’t a magical remedy that could give him a boost in dancing skill. Despite the Ultimate Dancer being his instructor and Kaito giving it his absolute best, things were not looking very good for Kaito, dance-wise. Soon, the two were, once again, lazing around on their couch.

“You know, S/O, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but... Maybe I should just stick to space, yeah?”

His S/O immediately turned to face him, shock apparently on zir face. “W-what? Are you giving up on dancing?!”

Kaito’s eyes widened at zir reaction, a bit taken aback himself. “Woah there, calm down. And, well, I guess, yeah. No matter what I did, it just didn’t seem to work out. You know more than anyone how I try my hardest at everything too.”

“N-no, I just mean...” Zie sighed. “Sorry, I was just super surprised. You never give up at anything.”

“Hey, it’s not like I want to give up,” Kaito replied, getting a tad defensive. “You saw how I danced. Better to quit before I make an even bigger fool of myself, am I right?”

“No, that’s wrong!” His S/O suddenly shot out zir hands and gripped his in zir own. “What are you even talking about? You think you looked foolish? No, you were trying your best, and there’s no way that could look stupid! You were... You were really cool!”

“I...” Kaito averted his gaze, a light blush creeping up on his cheeks. “Hey, don’t get off-topic here! Even if I looked, well, cool, that doesn’t change the fact that my dancing was absolutely terrible.”

“So what?” zie replied nonchalantly. “It’s your first day you’ve tried dancing. I bet if you went around asking Ultimates what their first time doing their talent was like, almost none of them would say it was immediately easy!” Zir gaze gradually softened, morphing from indignant to caring. “You’ve got the whole rest of your life to get better at dancing, so don’t give up now, okay?”

The astronaut looked back at his S/O, completely speechless. A few seconds passed as he blinked, contemplating what had just transpired. Eventually, he broke the silence with a soft chuckle. “Haha, wow, didn’t think I’d ever see the day when I’m the one who’s receiving a speech on not giving up.”

Zie shrugged. “Well, even heroes need guidance sometimes.”

Kaito cracked a grin and heartily laughed. “Yeah, you’re right, I can’t give up. I vow on my title as Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, that I’ll keep trying at dancing until I get it! Watch out, S/O; I’m coming for your title as the Ultimate Dancer!”

Kaito’s S/O smirked confidently. “Yeah, I won’t be giving it up that easily.”

Maki Harukawa

"Maki, have you ever danced before?"

The assassin's S/O had spoken suddenly, interrupting the silence between the two during their dinner. In fact, the dinner had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time; although it was normal for Maki to speak very little, usually her S/O automatically led the conversations. Yet, this time around, even zie seemed silently deep in thought.

Maki looked up from her plate. "No. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I..." Zie took a deep breath and looked up at her with a tentative smile. "I was wondering if you and I could dance sometime. I just think it would be nice, y'know?"

The Ultimate Assassin blinked in surprise. The offer had come from basically nowhere, besides the fact that her S/O was the Ultimate Dancer. Maki frowned as she contemplated the idea for several seconds.

"...A-actually, uh, never mind," zie laughed hesitantly. "I know you're probably not interested in something like that-"

"S/O, dancing sounds great," she abruptly replied, a small smile on her lips. "Still, you'll have to teach me how."

"O-oh, I..." zie stuttered in disbelief, a grin slowly blooming on zir face. "Yeah, sounds like a plan!"

And so a few days later, Maki found herself in her S/O's bedroom, which naturally had plenty of free space. Besides a desk, a chair, and, of course, a bed, there was practically nothing else in the room. One wall consisting entirely of a mirror spanning from floor to ceiling combined with the smooth wooden floorboards gave the impression of a true-blue dance studio.

The assassin plopped down on the bed and awaited further instruction. Her S/O cleared zir throat. "Alright, so, are there any dances, in particular, you'd be interested in learning?"

Maki shook her head. "Any dance is fine, as long as it's relatively simple."

"Mhmm, of course..." Her S/O cupped zir chin in zir hand in deep thought, obviously racking zir brain for a simple, easy-to-learn dance.

Several seconds passed before Maki snorted in amusement and broke the awkward silence. "S/O, just choose the first one that comes to mind. If that doesn't work out, you can just pick another one."

Zie snapped out of zir daze at the sudden noise. "A-ah, right! Uh, in that case, how about the salsa?"

"Sounds delicious," she replied dryly.

"Ha, ha, very funny. As if I hadn't heard that joke a thousand times before." Her S/O rolled zir eyes, but a smile grew on zir face nonetheless.

Zie reached out zir hand. Maki took it, lifting herself from off the bed. She smoothed out her skirt and looked at her S/O expectantly. "Alright, so... What do I do?"

"Well, first," zie grasped one of her hand's and placed zir other on her shoulder, "we start in this position."

Maki instinctively flinched at the unanticipated contact. "Ah, is this a partner dance?"

Her S/O, having felt her recoil, immediately released zir holds and backed off. "S-sorry, is that a problem? We could do a different dance if that makes you more comfortable..."

"No, this dance is fine," she responded quickly. "I... I just wasn't expecting us to dance as partners, but it's fine, really."

"Are you sure?"

In place of a response, Maki swept in close, clasped zir hand, and gently rested her free hand on zir shoulder. She stared at her S/O, a determined look in her eye. "I'm positive."

"Alright, if you say so," zie replied with a nod. "First, step back with your right foot."

She tentatively did as told, and her S/O stepped forward with his left, mirroring her actions.

"Then shift your weight back to your left foot."

Maki began to step forward with her left foot but was promptly interrupted by her S/O. "Oh, no, no, don't step forward. Keep your foot in the same spot, but just transfer your weight onto it," zie instructed.

The assassin muttered an apology under her breath and stepped with her left foot once again, this time remembering to keep her foot in the same place.

"Now return your right foot next to your left." As Maki obeyed, zie nodded encouragingly. "And then step forward with your left... Shift your weight back... Then put your feet together."

Upon returning to their starting position, Maki's S/O broke out into a huge grin. "Congrats, you just did the salsa! Are you ready to pick up the pace a little?"

With a nod as a response, the two repeated the dance, this time at a higher speed. Although the Ultimate Dancer moved as graceful and confident as ever, Maki soon found herself fumbling to keep up and tripping over her own feet. Of course, every time she stumbled, her S/O would slow down to let her steady herself and catch up, but the Ultimate Assassin gradually grew annoyed and agitated at herself nonetheless.

With every misstep, Maki softly grumbled an apology or curse, but as her mistakes increased, so did her volume. Apparently, her twentieth-or-so slip-up was the last straw; with a violent, exasperated sigh, she broke from their embrace and dropped onto the bed. A few seconds passed as she took deep breaths to calm herself, and her S/O sat down beside her.

"Hey, um, are you alright? We can take a break if you want," zie offered tentatively.

She blinked and averted her gaze downward. "Sorry, I know I'm acting immature-"

"No, don't say that. It's natural to get frustrated-" her S/O began.

"You don't need to make excuses for me," Maki interrupted. "Getting worked up over something as trivial as this is, well, dumb. Dancing just isn't for me."

As she stood up to walk out of the bedroom, her S/O quickly shot zir hand out and grabbed her wrist. Maki instantly spun around, instinctively spouting her catchphrase, "Do you wanna die?"

Her S/O promptly released her arm and smiled apologetically. "Uh, no, sorry about that." Zie laughed awkwardly and cleared zir throat. "I... I just wanted to say before you leave that, well, it's alright to get angry at yourself. Also, no matter how much you might mess up, I'll never judge or get impatient with you. M-my room is a safe space, y'know?"

Maki's glare gradually softened, which her S/O took as a sign to keep going.

"I love dancing with all my heart, Maki, and, er, well, that might be a given considering my Ultimate talent, but..." Zie suddenly realized zie should wrap up zir spiel. "Uh, never mind, the point is, dancing with you today was one of the enjoyable things I'd ever done, and I'd love to dance with you again. Of course, I understand if you'd rather never dance again, but I just wanted to say... My door is always open. Next time — if there is a next time — we could continue right where we left off, or try a different dance. Whichever you prefer."

The assassin stared silently in deep contemplation, taking all this in. After several nerve-wracking seconds, she gave a small smile to her S/O. "I... I'll keep your offer in mind."

She then exited the room, leaving her S/O in solitude. Despite her answer being very open-ended, zie still breathed a sigh of relief. After all, a small chance, however minuscule, was better than no chance at all, right?

＊ Mod Chiaki

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