#I’ve been going insane for the past *checks watch* 14 hours guys

[passports-pls]

Sketches that are based on absolutely nothing <3

[coeurdastronaute]

Nerd 14

Previously on Nerd

There weren’t many things considered as decorations in the house on the corner of Inglewood Street. The old stone house, with its black shutters and manicured lawn hid behind a stately oak and the polished Porsche in the driveway, glowed as a beacon in the neighborhood, of perfection and wealthy modesty. Inside, it was less populated than one might expect, never fully lived-in, at least not to the casual observer. 

Clarke moved her way down the stairs as she balanced the bag on her shoulder, fully prepared for work and then studying with her girlfriend on a fairly boring Saturday night. For the first time in a long time, she looked at the sparse frames of pictures of her family. 

Unsure of what made her pause, she furrowed, pushing her eyebrows tightly together and leaning into the image of her mother and father on a random date when they were together in college. They were carefree and at some bar trivia night. Abby hugged Jake’s bicep and nearly hid in his shoulder as he leaned forward, other arm lifted to interject an answer. He was smiling wide despite his eagerness, the flash ricocheting off part of his large glasses. His hair was floppy and fully, swept to the side and neatly arranged, while Abby was brimming with life. Clarke loved the candid picture because sometimes she looked at it, and these were two people who had entire lives and experiences and she forgot that. They probably got butterflies like she did when Lexa smiled at her. They probably spent hours excitedly waiting to see the other. 

In that picture, her mother wasn’t the person she was now, though both seemed insanely far away from Clarke. This college-aged person was alive, vibrant, in-love, awake, eager, and not cheating on her husband. The body language alone showed how much she adored him. 

In that picture, her father was the funny, charming man she remembered, not the angry, frustrated man who was skin and bones, who couldn’t eat, who couldn’t swallow, who had difficulties moving most days and remembering his own daughter others. He was alive as well. He was the man everyone wanted to sit beside for some reason, for som inexplicable reason he had this… he had a spark that drew those to him like a moth to a flame, except he was that flame, and he shared his light eagerly with those around him. 

Clarke relaxed her face after a few moments of looking and seeing and trying to find some kind of detail in that picture that would indicate that the couple in it would know what their life would like like two decades later. There wasn’t a single indication, and that terrified her. 

“Did you finish you math?” her mother’s voice called from the hallway, hearing her daughter shift and move to look at the next picture without seeing her first. 

“Yes.” 

The next image was a very tiny Clarke on her father’s shoulders and her mother hugging his waist as they all stood beneath a redwood tree. They had hiking gear, shorts, sunglasses, hats and sunscreen. They were all smiling. They were a family. 

“Did you email me that draft of your personal essay for applications?” 

Clarke gave up perusing, no longer feeling the yearn for that family unit that was far away. She rolled her eyes and stomped her way down the steps to find her mother sorting through envelopes and mail. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” Abby didn’t look up as she flipped.

“Because I’m a junior, and I have five months before applications are due.”

“That’s no excuse not to be prepared. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time chasing after some gir--”

“Who am I chasing after?” Clarke scoffed, crossing her arms and peering at her mother. “Do you mean helping Lexa on her submission for film school? Do you mean tennis practice? Do you mean working part time? Do you mean having a social life?” 

“Considerate that you can help someone else get into college.” 

“It’s going to take her months to edit, which I can’t-- I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

That did it. Clarke knew it would. Clarke new an overt expression of her own independence would trigger her mother. She knew arguing and not appearing to care about college would give her the satisfaction of a righteous fight. She wanted it. It’d been brewing for about a week and a half, ever since Clarke said she was going prom dress shopping without her. Ever since Clark forgot to tell her about spending the night camping with Lexa and the film crew while the powered through the project. Ever since Clarke didn't’ come home for dinner last Tuesday and then raved about Mrs. Woods’ garlic chicken. Tiny things Clarke did with spite because she didn’t know what else to do, because she couldn’t do anything else. 

Abby’s nostrils flared and Clarke jutted her hip, shrugging to herself as she dug for her phone, ready to go to work and escape the house and the persistent smell of medical equipment and cleaner that haunted her until she was about two blocks from the house. 

“I’ll be home around midnight.” 

“Like hell you will. You’ll be home right after your shift.” 

“No,” Clarke paused as she turned to leave. “I’m going over Lexa’s to study. We’re watching a Cary Grant movie.” 

“You’re under the misconception that you get to make your own schedule and plans without asking permission. But that is not the case, Clarke.” 

“I’ve been doing fine.” 

“You’ve barely been home. Your father is--”

“Right there, in that room, asleep. I know this because I spent the morning with him. We made pancakes and played a game of cribbage. We talked about school and Lexa and I showed him pictures of the past week of my life. And I helped him with his meds because he’s having a bit of a flare. I told him I’d see him in the morning for omelettes because we’ve been watching cooking shows together and he wants to try the french style. I know exactly what is going on with my father.” 

She hadn’t meant to, but her voice began to raise as she spoke. Clarke felt her fist shake. She felt her muscles tighten and her jaw clench. She was okay with being considered lazy and unmotivated, but to be accused of negligence was uncalled for, especially from someone like her mother. 

“Don’t you raise your voice! You are greatly mistaken as to the nature of our relationship. I am your mother, and I am sick of your attitude, and your priorities not being your father and your family or your education.” 

“Lexa has nothing to do with any of that. Are you just mad I’m dating a girl? Or that I don’t care what you think anymore?” 

Slightly taken aback by her daughter, by her words, by her actions, by her entire demeanor over the past few months and frankly just sick of dealing with being the bad guy. 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Abby shook her head. 

“I could say the same thing.” 

The two stared at each other before Clarke shook her head and adjusted her bag. She toyed with her keys in her pockets before checking her phone again. 

“I’m going to be late for work. I’ll be back tonight.” 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Abby insisted again. “You’re grounded indefinitely.” 

“Except I’m not,” Clarke sighed and shook her head. “I’m not because I don’t care anymore. I genuinely don’t.”

“You’re going to. Give me your keys and your phone.” 

“No.” 

“I’m not joking, Clarke. You’re going to need to readjust your priorities and attitude.”

“I think you should take your own advice,” Clarke insisted as she reached the front door. “Or are you too busy fucking Kane to realize that there is no more family here?” 

With a satisfying slam, she yanked the door shut. The anger that was stationed in her shoulders dissipated with the noise and movement. Clarke stood there in the quiet of her perfect neighborhood, the flapping of the flag lazily moving in the spring breeze was all she heard at first. Then the birds came. Then a lawnmower started in the distance. 

Clarke felt lighter than she’d felt in a long time. She also felt emptier than any other time in her life. It was officially the end, and now she had to deal with that because the anger and the hurt and the betrayal was all she’d had in her for what felt like months. It hadn’t made anything better, and it certainly ruined everything, but Clarke took some solace in the fact that now she could try to fill herself up with something else. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The party at Bellamy Blake’s house was in full swing by the time Lexa made her way up the winding driveway and into the belly of the beast. She wasn’t sure how she ended up there exactly, except that her girlfriend texted and said to show up. That seemed to be enough of a reason, though Lexa wasn’t particularly prepared. They’d had plans. Quiet plans. Private plans. Movie plans. 

And now Lexa was going to her girlfriend’s ex’s party. 

She shoved her hands in her pockets as she moved through the crowd, clearly not getting the memo that jeans were not entirely good enough attire, and in fact she seemed to be extremely overdressed. Her eyes bugged slightly as she watched a girl from her physics class walk by in a very tiny, very teeny lime green bikini. Lexa became suddenly aware of the appeal of such things, as if she hadn’t noticed them before, but then MIchelle who sat diagonally in front of her third period looked like that and she gulped. 

The music thumped loudly. The beats were rattling the walls and shaking the windows while the screams and giggles of her classmates sought to shatter glass. It wasn’t like the other parties she’d been to with Clarke. It wasn’t even like thrones Anya dragged her to when she visited. This was a night of debauchery and she hadn’t had time to prepare. 

And as much as she saw everyone else wearing bikinis, she hadn’t thought about Clarke wearing one. She’d seen Clarke’s boobs before. That was nice. But there was something to her girlfriend in a bikini that was… good. Very good, even. 

Lexa pushed her glasses up slightly on her nose and stared. 

“What are you doing here?” Gus asked, approaching quietly. She didn’t move or say anything else, just stared from across the pool, the steam billowing upward to ward the sky while everyone seemed to glow blue and green and red, the lights alternating around them, the flames of the fire pits dancing to keep everyone warm. The warm glow of the lights inside were lost on the white-blue shade to the water. 

“Lexa, focus,” he snapped his fingers in front of her face. “What are you doing here? Your sister would kill me if she knew you were at a Blake party.” 

“How is it different than any other party?” 

“It just is.” 

“Because of the pool? I’ve been to pool parties.” 

It hadn’t been since seventh grade and didn’t look like an episode of a CW show, but still, she’d been to a pool party with many of the same cast of characters that were currently on display. It was before puberty, but still. 

“We need to get you home.” 

“Clarke invited me.” 

“It doesn’t matter. This isn’t your scene.” 

“I can be in any scene. I’ve watched every John Hughes movie.”

“This is more of an episode of Euphoria than an 80s teen flick,” Gus sighed and took another swig from his cup. “And I fully believe you would fit in fine with Molly Ringwald.”

“That’s very kind of you to say,” Lexa nodded. “I’ll be fine.” 

She took her eyes off of her girlfriend long enough to assure her friend that she was perfectly fine now. She was dating the head cheerleader. She’d been to parties and seen--

“Gus-- is that cocaine?” 

“Okay, yeah, we have to get you out of here,” he shook his head and tossed his empty cup into a flowerbed. 

“Is it really?” she asked, craning her neck as he pushed her forward. “I’ve never see that in real life before. People actually do that thing with the credit cards and dollar bills? Astounding. Where does one get cocaine?” 

“You don’t need to know that.” 

“I’m not going to do it. I’m just curious.” 

They only made it a few steps before the ran into a sopping body. A tall, muscular, tan, perfectly chiseled and dripping body. It was the body of an actual god. It was the body of the perfect specimen, with biceps and the long swimmer cuts that pointed firmly toward his… his-ness. 

“Gus, long time, man. How you been?” Bellamy Blake grinned before slipping his cup in his teeth as he hugged the other football player. 

“Not too bad. Heard you’re heading to Oregon in the fall?” 

“Yeah, partial scholarship. We’ll see what happens,” he shrugged. “Staying close?” 

“Yeah, St. Johns, about three hours away.” 

“Full ride?” 

“Yeah. I got offered half to OSU, but would rather not have to pay anything.” 

“No, that’s smart.” 

The whole time they spoke, Lexa watched Clarke’s ex intently. She frowned to herself and wondered how her girlfriend broke up with him. He was effortlessly cool. He was huge. He looked like he knew how to go down on a girl, and Lexa was still apprehensive. She wished she could fast forward in life until she was really good at sex. 

She watched him grin and sip from his red cup, meeting her eyes curiously as Gus explained something about his college recruitment process. 

“I don’t think we’ve ever met before. I’m Bellamy.” 

He held out his hand. And though she didn’t want to do it, she sighed and shook his hand. 

“Sorry, I should have introduced you. This is Lexa.” 

“Lexa… Lexa…” He mulled. 

“Anya Woods’ sister.” 

“Wow, you’re Anya’s little sister?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How is she? I forgot she had a little sister. I remember her little brother died-- oh shit.” 

“Yeah.” 

“We were just heading out,” Gus interrupted. 

“I was actually just going to go talk to Clarke.” 

“Why would you--”

Before anything else could be said, before anything else could transpire between the two of them, before Gus had to interrupt again, Clarke appeared, launching herself into her girlfriend’s arms, wrapping her own around her neck, her body still slightly damp from the pool she must have just climbed out of during the awkward introduction. 

“You’re here. I’m so happy,” Clarke hummed against Lexa’s warm neck. She buried herself there, suffocating herself happily, slightly tipsy. 

“I told you I’d stop by.” 

Clarke kissed her girlfriend’s neck. She leaned most of her body against her there and giggled, oblivious to the eyes, too drunk to care about anything else happening. 

“I am have the worst day. Maybe the worst week. Maybe the worst year ever. No, wait. Definitely the worst year, and today I finally told my mom everything and then left. So Yeah. It’s been terrible. I got drunk.” 

“Not the healthiest coping mechanism.”

“Not a bit,” Clarke grinned, agreeing eagerly and with a wide grin. She leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend despite her words. 

“You can be healthy tomorrow,” Lexa offered. “You okay?” 

“As okay as can be.” 

There was some throat clearing that happened behind them, and Lexa felt a burning in her ears and chest at the display, unaccustomed to it all. 

“So this is your new girlfriend?” Bellamy asked, looking at the pair. 

“Lex, I suppose you’ve met my ex,” Clarke gestured. 

“Kind of.” 

“Is this party a little much?”

“If I remember correctly, this was exactly the kind of thing you liked. We went to many a party in our tenure,” Bellamy shrugged, lazily leaning against a counter. “Things changed since I left, I guess.” 

“I enjoyed not thinking,” Clarke offered. “You were great for that.” 

Gus and Lexa looked between the two and then at each other. She was almost certain she didn’t know what was happening, but that certainly, something was, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. 

“You moved on quick, huh?” 

“Hey, step back,” Gus interrupted as Bellamy took a single step. “This is Anya’s sister.” 

“Woods?” he furrowed. “You’re dating Anya Woods’ kid sister?” 

“Yup,” Clarke nodded. 

“I heard she was--”

“Standing right here,” Gus finished. 

Lexa felt Clarke’s hand move into her own and she smiled despite the fact that she was picking up a drunk girl at her college guy ex’s party. There was a lot in that sentence she wasn’t happy about, now that she thought about it. 

“You ready to get out of here?” Lexa asked innocently, ignoring the rest. 

“I think we still have a few more shots lined up, Clarke,” Bellamy smiled and Lexa understood the need to punch. 

Noticeably torn, she looked at her girlfriend and back at her ex before realizing that she was actually drunk, and that wasn’t good. Lexa smiled softly and rubbed her girlfriend’s back. She kind of imagined how it must have felt to implode and take her mother down with her. Lexa remembered the feeling of telling her father she was gay and sad. Clarke’s implosion didn’t seem as successful as her own, and Lexa was more than happy to try to help in whatever way she could. 

“Can I stay at your place tonight?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded quickly. “I’ll text my mom to let her know.” 

“You’re seriously leaving?” The college football player and terrible ex scoffed. “The night is still young. It’s barely after eleven.” 

“Thanks for getting me drunk, but I should probably go do something better.” 

“Thanks for showing me around,” Lexa offered nodding her head slightly toward the host before he could argue. “Have a good night. I’ll see you on Monday, Gus.”

“Get home safe,” the linebacker warned. 

Slightly dumbfounded, Bellamy Blake stood there, hands on his hips as he watched his ex weave through the crowd of people and disappear. As much s everything stayed the same, he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling of change, and how averse he was to it. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“Here, you can, uh,” Lexa quickly moved through her bedroom, leaving her girlfriend standing by the bed. “I have some old sweats if you want.” 

Already, Clarke began taking off her pants, and Lexa quickly looked in the drawers of her dresser. She felt the tips of her ears burn slightly as she looked over her shoulder, her girlfriend slumping into the bed, pants lost to the floor. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that party. I knew it,” Clarke sighed, rubbing her face with both hands to ride herself of the spinning. “But I didn’t care. I just wanted to… you know…”

“You had it out with your mom. You just anted to go far away. I get it.” 

“Don’t be nice to me. I knew better than to go, especially to anything involving Bellamy Blake.” 

“Why?” 

“He doesn’t care about any of it. Just has drinks. I should have called you or like done something else.” 

“You’re allowed to want to take a night off from a giant secret after a huge fight. And you don’t need my permission,” Lexa reminded her girlfriend, offering an old shirt. 

“It was stupid.” 

“Do you feel better?” 

Gingerly, Lexa tugged at Clarke’s shirt, pulling it over her head until she flopped back down on the bed, her hair fanning out against the pillow. Agitated at herself, at her clothe, at the unfathomable uncontrollability to the entirety of her life, Clarke growled to herself as she tugged off her bra, tossing it to the side and gracelessly pulling on the shirt Lexa offered. 

“I don’t feel better at all.” 

It was certainly a pout, and Lexa did her best to ignore it. Instead, she slicked off the light beside the bed, and slid between the sheets next to Clarke. Lexa laid there until Clarke turned to face her, until she placed her hand on her neck and cheek. 

“I’m sorry you had to pick me up.” 

“It’s okay,” Lexa whispered. 

“It’s not. I’m not like this… I don’t mean to be… I mean--”

“It’s okay.” 

Clarke leaned forward, shifting beneath the blankets until their knees were touching. She moved to only push the hair from Lexa’s forehead and she paused before kissing her lips. She tasted the warmth of the tequila there and she didn’t care. Lexa signed. 

“Please don’t give up on me anytime soon,” Clarke murmured. Stunned from the kiss, Lexa blinked in the dark and shifted closer. 

“I wouldn’t ever.” 

“I know you wouldn’t. I just had to say it out loud.” 

“Okay.” 

Lexa was certain she was going to get another kiss, but instead, Clarke dug her forehead under her girlfriend’s chin and pressed their bodies together, hugging her tightly and disappearing, being overwhelmed, anchoring herself to a steady force. Lexa rubbed Clarke’s back for a few moments until she fell asleep, and then she allowed herself the option of sleep.

NEXT

[dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you]

I saw in your tags that there’s some old destiel fic you like on ffn. Do you have any recs ? :)

omg I haven’t been on there in years! like last time I read anything on there was like in 2014 lmao xD

32 fics total - I just checked and all of them are still up...there’s like 30+ more that I bookmarked that isn’t on the list cuz I’m not sure if they’re destiel fics or not so I gotta re-read them

all the ones below are fics that I’ve recced before in the past

1. All Angels Need Their Wings - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 29,784 (2012)

Dean never thought that Castiel would ever return. And when he did, he came in a very unexpected way, a very horrifying way. SLASH Castiel/Dean. Wing-Kink. Takes place in season 7. AU.

2. Heart Trouble - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 74,320 (2011)

Dean's having a harder and harder time of denying what he feels for a certain blue-eyed friend of his. And it's making him a little ornery, and a lot confused.

3. It Hurts - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 29,963 (2013)

Inspired by the S9 Trailer Cas had watched the angels fall and with them, his self worth. Now human facing the challenges of navigating mortality he also tries to find a place for himself in this new world. It is a hope he has to find without the Winchesters, without Dean. So now he runs, from both Heaven, Hell and from Dean. 

4. Small Problem - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 13,310 (2011)

A cursed artifact has made Castiel miniature, it's amusing for the Winchesters at first until they realize he might stay that way forever. Slash Dean/Castiel Please R&R

5 My Broken Angel - RATING: M | LENGTH: 24,999 (2010)

When Castiel disappears from his vessel, Dean is concerned. But when Castiel reappears and seems to avoid him, Dean is heartbroken. Set mid-season 5. 

6. A Hand - RATING: M | LENGTH: 23,474 (2010)

Dean/Cas, multichapter, slight AU. Dean's busy trying to re-soulify his brother, but Cas needs help. Maybe it's time Dean gave it to him. Ch. 15: Dean glared indignantly. "I find the term 'lovebirds' to be offensive. We prefer to be called 'sex-falcons.'" 

7. Saving Grace - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 38,602 (2010)

With everything that was going wrong in Dean's life, it took him a while to realize that the person close to him that really needed the most help was Castiel. 

8. Candy - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 98,068 (2013)

The Fall from Heaven changed everything. The supernatural no longer hidden. Angels roaming the planet. Sam and Dean's immediate concerns were on a smaller scale. What do you do with the former King of Hell? Where is Castiel?... Destiel/Mute!Human!Cas/Angst!Dean

9. Dude, Dean Looks Like a Lady - RATING: M | LENGTH: 20,774 *gen/pre-slash* (2013)

Sam's good, Cas has been found, and demons everywhere seem to be on hiatus. Seems like things are looking up for Team Free Will that is until Dean wakes up with his very own vagina anyway. Warnings: Fem!Dean, Destiel, female masturbation and S8 spoilers.

10. Evil Intent, Trials of Love, & Finding My Angel - RATING: NC-17 | LENGTH: 36,729, 70,453, & 59,941 *rape, graphic torture, violence* (2009)

Anna rapes Castiel and uses a method that torments him more than anything imaginable. WARNING: Rape and Castiel/Dean makes sense when you read it . If you don't like then don't read!

11. Cascade - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 44,626 (2013)

"And if you fall as Lucifer fell, you fall in flames!" An 8x23 coda. 

12. Count The Cracks, Hear The Shatters, Feel The Insanities - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 44,626 *gen/pre-slash* (2013)

They've walked miles on gravel roads that led to hell and back but the journey never quite ends. This is the story of Castiel and the Winchesters after the angels fell from heaven. Post Season 8. 

13. Damn Straight & Wait Wait Wait - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: about 21,000 (2010)

Humorous Cas/Dean, with multiple POVs. Slight AU. Fluffy. Ch. 5: Sam sat in the Impala in the motel parking lot, praying that three and a half hours at the library had been long enough.

14. Entertaining Angels - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 43,659 *gen/pre-slash* (2008)

A strange boy shows up at Dean and Sam’s motel room. Maybe he needs help, or maybe he’s there to help them—they can’t quite tell. Spoilers through 4.10. Not an OC. 

15. Happy Friggin’ Valentine’s Day - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 22,771 (2010)

SLASH. It all started with Dean's perfectly healthy hatred of frivilous holidays and a much-coveted sack of dust. Poor Castiel doesn't fully understand 'romance' to begin with, and this crash course is most unwelcome. 

16. I’m Just a Love Machine - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 29,200 (2011)

The Impala finally gets the chance to love Dean back. The problem is, Castiel seems to be in its way. 

17. It’s The Great Destiel Shipper, Sam Winchester - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 49,641 (2012)

What's Sam really doing all that time on the computer? Fangirling. Over Chuck's Supernatural books. Now Wincest might be a bit too much to deal with, but Destiel he might be able to get on board with... Especially after being around the two people involved for three days straight. 

18. Pain in the Head - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 78,771 *character death* (2011)

It started out slow. "Since when do angels have headaches?" "Since they become human." Established Dean/Cas. Sort of AU. PG-13. Complete. 

19. Sleep in Heavenly Peace - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 45,517 *christmas fic* (2013)

Dean wants to have a nice, peaceful Christmas for once, but it seems like the universe won't let him. Dean/Castiel. Post-8.08 (Hunteri Heroici) AU. First in "Holidays With the Winchesters are Always Fun." 

20. The Shattered One - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 94,021 *grace mpreg* (2012)

When it struck Castiel, it dropped him out of the sky. He set down the first place he could find. He stood in a field in Switzerland, swaying on his feet and staring down at his body, dazed by what it had just done.

21. This Cupid Isn’t Stupid - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 41,572 (2012)

Dean receives a shock when he wakes up to discover Castiel has returned. Why is the angel suddenly back? Why have his powers dimmed? And.. Why are he and Dean joined together by an invisible rope!

22. Wild Horses, Cas - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 23,505 (2013)

(S8 Spoilers (story is set in S9), Sickfic! Destiel, Minor Sabriel). When Cas comes down with a bad case of Pneumonia it leaves Dean feeling more protective over his friend than ever, but will it also lead to Dean's admittance of his feelings towards his friend? 

23. Wrong - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 51,384 (2010)

Angels are not supposed to drop out of the sky into motel rooms, broken and beaten. They're not supposed to bleed like that. It was all wrong. 

24. The Reluctant Contestant - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 50,502 (2012)

AU When Gabriel is hired as a new host for a dating show, Cas has no choice but to follow his brother along as part of the camera crew. Forced at the last minute to be a contestant, he is shocked when Dean Winchester continually refuses to eliminate him. 

25. The Ugly Duckling - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 81,676 (2012)

Castiel: a nerdy, skinny thing with a crush on the the most popular guy in class. Being unpopular isn't easy and it's worse when the homophobic school figures him out. A small struggle to be noticed by his crush is turned into a huge struggle for himself and his dignity. But bullying can get the better of anyone. Slash. Destiel rated M for later chapters. 

26. Nameless - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 77,882 (2013)

AU. Everyone has the name of their soulmate written on their wrist at birth. Well, everyone except Dean Winchester. Complete. 

27. Cufflinks - RATING: M | LENGTH: 61,845 (2012)

The world is full of creatures that prey on humans. It is up to 'Hunters' to fight against the dark. Lucky Hunters rely on the help of angels they have bound to their service. Sam and Dean may be good Hunters, but they have yet to capture an angel. One day, Sam finds an angel and seizes the opportunity to bind the angel to himself. Little did they know what they were getting into. 

28. Angel Training - RATING: M | LENGTH: 95,700, Angel Training 2: Save Us - RATING: M | LENGTH: 76,888, & Angel Training 3: Uprising - RATING: M | LENGTH: 89,512 (2011)

In a world where angels are common and the most privileged or skilled people are able to own one; the world's angelic hierarchy is about to change when Dean Winchester receives a wild and recently caught angel.

29. Chasing Your Shadow - RATING: M | LENGTH: 92,077 (2012)

The prophecy says that when Castiel turns twenty-three winters old, a stranger will come into his life and bring a lot of suffering. But do prophecies always come true? Demon Dean/human Castiel AU 

30. The Holiday - RATING: M | LENGTH: 32,088 (2011)

Castiel and Sam are unlucky in both life and love, so they swap houses for the holidays. Both find the experience highly...interesting. Dean/Castiel Sam/Gabriel

31. And In Your Arms I Shall Find Shelter- RATING: M | LENGTH: 33,824 (2012)

Dean Winchester is a long forgotten painter who suddenly receives an order for a painting from a rich man - Crowley. He is about to start painting when Castiel - his personal reaper visits him. The main question is: Will Castiel give Dean enough time to finish the painting? 

32. Jar of Hearts - RATING: PG-13 | LENGTH: 127,192 (2013)

February being the supposed 'month of love' people seem to forget that it's also one of the coldest times of the year. Valentine's Day themed events in a cafe turned bar is how Dean managed the courage to speak to the locally famous singer and somehow score a date, a relationship, and a man he didn't deserve out of the deal. Destiel college/uniAU some Sabriel 

[excelsi-or]

just a little sweeter (final)

GUYS, we’ve made it to the ennnnnnnnd! What a coincidence that it was 17 parts. I didn’t mean for that to happen lol.

BIPOC rec: I’m currently reading a book called Yes, No, Maybe So. It’s a YA novel written by minorities with minority characters. It’s about two teenagers who go canvassing for their local election in Georgia. It made me realize that maybe I need to start reading more adult fiction because reading about teenagers kinda makes me sad / cringe. But I admire Aisha Saeed and Becky Albertalli for really nailing teenagers on the head. 

w.c. 1.5k (fluuuuuuuuuuuuuffffffff)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9; pt. 10; pt. 11; pt. 12; pt. 13; pt. 14; pt. 15; pt. 16

Jihoon finds her at the dinner table reading after he puts Eunha to bed. He stands in the doorway to the kitchen and watches her for a moment before she looks up at him.

“I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do,” she says.

Jihoon takes a seat across from her. She closes her book.

“It is entirely possible that Yeri is going to put your entire life on blast.” She tips her head. “So, what do you want to do?”

Jihoon touches his ear; his eyes are unfocused. “Eunha won’t be a secret anymore.”

“And do you want me here?” she presses.

He seems to tune back in and his brow furrows at her question.

“Do you want to have to deal with a girlfriend scandal as well as a baby scandal?” she asks. “I’ve seen what people say about other idols’ girlfriends. And they don’t have babies.”

His confusion turns to distaste. A frown replaces his confused look. “You looked?”

“A while back,” she admits. “After you told me about Dispatch following you. I looked up other couples that’d been outted or admitted to dating. The things people say are… harsh, to say the least.” She meets his eye. “And we can stop now if it makes what’s coming easier to deal.”

“Wait, what are you saying?”

“This has gotten way beyond what either of us were anticipating, Jihoon. What’s going to be easiest for you and Eunha to cope with? Because she’s here regardless. If I’m not and it makes the rumours and scrutiny easier—”

“That is not even an option anymore,” Jihoon argues. “If you’re putting that on the table as an option, then I don’t tell you I need you or love you enough.”

She blinks in surprise.

“And your expression tells me that I definitely don’t.” Jihoon finds her foot underneath the table and begins playing footsie with her. “I wouldn’t have been able to find Eunha that fast or as calmly as you did today. I don’t think I would have made it this long without losing my mind if you weren’t there to take care of things before I knew I needed them taken care of. I definitely need you more than you need me, and it’s not even just need. I love you. I love what you bring to this home and…” Mochi’s pattering feet run through the apartment to join them. Jihoon picks her up and sets her in his lap. “And my little one would be extra confused if you and this little one disappeared.”

A small smile grows on her face.

“And Seungcheol told me that you told him Eunha feels like yours.” Jihoon ducks his head, embarrassed all of a sudden, at all he’s admitted. “Where else am I going to find something like you?”

She chuckles. “Well, if that’s out of the way, what are we going to do about Yeri?”

“Everything people will say will be awful. And you’re easy to find. So, I think if the story breaks, I’ll ask PLEDIS if they can put security guards at your café for a while.”

“You think it’ll get that bad?”

“I think it could get that bad.”

She pauses. “Do you think they’d make you leave Seventeen?”

Jihoon tilts his head. “It’s something I need to talk about with the company. If it gets really bad and we can’t perform or anything, yeah, maybe.”

She hesitates again and Jihoon is quick to reassure her. “The baby will be bigger news than the fact that I have a girlfriend. It’ll be bad regardless whether we’re together or not.”

She chews her bottom lip. “So, there’s really nothing we can do.”

“Nothing except prepare,” Jihoon agrees.

They sit in silence for a while. Mochi has found a comfortable sleeping position on Jihoon’s lap.

“Maybe you should move in permanently,” Jihoon says now.

She lifts an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t put it past people—” He sees her skeptical eyebrow and he sighs. “Okay, maybe I just have been wanting to ask you to stay permanently, but I haven’t figured out how.”

She traces patterns on the dining room table and Jihoon senses her hesitation. Seventeen leaves for their tour in two days. The couple have agreed that she’d stay with Eunha for the two weeks the group would be in and out of the country. Jihoon definitely agrees that this relationship sped through his fingertips, but it’s never felt out of control.

“Just think about it,” he says.

She looks up at him, a smile on her face. “Sorry, I guess I should say that I would love to stay.”

“But…?”

“I’ve asked you before, but…” She shakes her head. “Maybe it’s not necessary now. Given what you’ve told me.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“How am I any benefit to you and Eunha?”

Jihoon stares at her in disbelief. “For all the reasons that I told you?”

“But like… anyone could’ve done that.”

“That’s not true, because before you, life did not seem this easy.”

“I’m not really taking care of anyone.”

“Now, you’re delusional.” He stops toying with her foot and reaches for her hand instead. “I understand if my asking you to stay solidifies a lot of this relationship. It’s easy to be with me when you have the option to leave.”

“It’s not that,” she mumbles. “I just… Eunha’s a great kid. I love her, and you, and want the best for both of you. Is that me?”

Suddenly, they hear the bedroom door open and both of them listen to Eunha’s feet pad towards them. Bleary eyed, Eunha reaches for her hand. Without thinking, she meets Eunha at eye level.

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Story.”

“Daddy just put you to bed,” she chuckles, scooping Eunha up.

“Story.” Eunha rests her head on her shoulder, already falling asleep again.

She looks to Jihoon who has an ‘are you freaking kidding me’ look on his face.

“You can question it all you want, but I think that’s your answer,” Jihoon chuckles.

“I guess… I’m staying then.” Before taking Eunha back to her room, she stops to kiss Jihoon on the forehead. “Movie night?”

“I’ll get the snacks.”

Epilogue

“We’re not doing that.”

Jihoon frowns. “Why not?”

She adjusts Eunha on her hip. The two-and-a-half-year-old has fallen asleep since she and Jihoon are taking too long arguing over furniture. “It’s not going to fit in the space.”

“But where are you going to work?”

“I told you that the dining table is fine.”

“You’re going to make a mess there.”

“Where are we supposed to put another desk?” she demands. “We are not doing that to your space.”

“You live there now,” Jihoon reminds her.

She moved in two weeks ago. They’ve quickly realized that she requires desk space since she is currently working on the floor. They’ve moved the coffee table off to the side so she and Eunha can occupy the spot in front of the TV. The fact that she lives there shouldn’t be such a shock to them, but there were things she did that neither of them realized needed to be accommodated. Like her art and her bookkeeping.

“I know, but you’ve styled it in a way that works for you.”

“Well, now, it needs to work for you too. And I’m telling you, jagi, you need a desk.” His black mask and currently black hair should give off a scarier aura than it does.

“But until we can figure out how to move the space around to accommodate one, we can’t get one.”

“What if we move?”

She laughs. “I just moved in.” They head towards the exit. “So, we’re not doing that either.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

She nudges him with her elbow. “I’m honestly fine with working on the floor for now. Until we can figure out what—”

“What if I move all of my stuff to the studio?”

“Huh?”

“Then you can have that desk in the living room.”

“You work from home.”

“When I was taking care of Eunha on my own, yeah. But now I don’t have to do that. If I move all that extra equipment to the studio, then you can have that desk.” Jihoon looks to her. “What about that?”

He’s trying so desperately to make sure she’s comfortable; she can’t help but relent. “If you’re sure you don’t need the space.”

“We’ll start on it as soon as we get home.”

They head outside and Jihoon takes Eunha from her. She rolls her shoulder out and checks to make sure the toddler hadn’t drooled on her. She pecks Jihoon’s cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”

Jihoon smiles a little at hearing her say ‘home’ and having it mean the same thing as him. Then he remembers something. “Oh. Soonyoung wanted you to sit on the dance practice tonight.”

“Right.” She tips her head back, as if mentally creating a to-do list. “Then I’ll see you at the studio.” She checks her watch. “Okay, I think my lunch should be over, right?” She takes a deep breath. Over the past year, the cafés popularity has increased. She’s been able to take on more staff, though she’s struggling to trust that everything will turn out okay without her there.

She gives Jihoon another kiss, pecks the back of Eunha’s head and hurries back to work. “Love you.”

“Love you too. See you in a few hours.”

The amount of love you guys showed this series was insane and some of the comments really made me laugh. Thank you for sticking it out with me. I know it’s not as long or as particularly “exciting” as to the boy i love right now, but I love this one a lot. 

I think I’m going to post some one shots, because I’m trying to find some inspiration with writing again so I’ve been doing a few as writing warm ups. In terms of series to come, would you guys prefer a university, i’m-dating-you-because-of-a-bet trope story OR a thief-partner story? Both will probably be posted one day, but any preference for which one you get first? 

Anyway, thanks again lovely humans. 💛

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 4

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Reader x Steve Rogers (best friend) Reader x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 2788

Warnings: Slow Start, Language.

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change

Sorry for leaving this so late everyone, Had a really busy day at work and passed out as soon as I got in, Woke up at 8 and I’ve been working on this chapter for ages so hopefully you all like it :) Enjoy Everyone!

(Also մոխրագույն օրխիդ means grey orchid in Armenian, according to google translate)

-Two days later

If someone told me that I’d end up in the middle of a gang war being held hostage with a colt M1911 held up against my head, I probably would have called them batshit crazy. Confused? Let me explain, two days ago the mole in the մոխրագույն օրխիդ reported that they were planning to infiltrate our territory and attack us at the base, the մոխրագույն օրխիդ have been rivals with us for years, almost for as long I’ve been alive.

The boss was really pissed, I mean I’ve seen mind mad but boy he was raging, knocking everything over hell he even shot one of our new recruits he was that pissed off! All members were forced into training, Damien brought in an ex Russian spy to teach us new moves, at the end of it my body was littered with bruises and cuts I could hardly see my skin colour it was that bad. Hell, some of the boys looked worse then me. We trained through the night, alternating between combat training and firearms, it was relentless… some of the guys passed out from exhaustion and when they came back ‘round boss put them straight back into training.

I’ll admit, there’s been some intense wars, but they didn’t even come close to this one, everyone was involved, even the bloody cleaners were trained and normally they just clean up the rooms after the guys are done with a prisoner! We had a plan to draw the մոխրագույն օրխիդ out, everyone was to go to the bank and make it look like a heist prep, while I set up shop in the dinner across the road. I was to make sure that none of the մոխրագույն օրխիդ got the jump on our guys and take out as many of em as I could, so there was no bloody pressure there, I’d be lying if I said I was anything but terrified.

It was around 5 AM when training stopped, all of us ordered to get cleaned up and report back to the base at 6:30, one by one we all left for our homes the pistol strapped to my thing reminding me of what was about to happen…

-Tiny Time Skip-

The hour and a half flew by, each member was sorted into a group and bundled off into a car, every group has a different route and arrival time. Of course, I was the only one who didn’t have that luxury, the boss said that it’d seem less suspicious if I took the bus there and arrived last, so there I was on the number 17 bus at 7 in the morning. The street past by me in a blur, kids were making their way to schools with the mothers in tow behind them, mean while I was making my way to a bloody gang war. Not much of a difference between the two is there? Lazily my eyes glanced over the street, bored outta my mind, the stop was still 10 minutes away and the pair behind me talking business weren’t really curing my boredom.

I swear down if I don’t get off this bus soon I’m gonna lose it! letting out a small sigh I turned and looked out the other window. Okay come on could this day get any bloody worse ?! just my luck both Steve and Bucky were on the street the bus stopped on both staring at me, they really need to stop doing that it’s starting to creep me the hell out. I felt my eyes widen before I ducked under the window, wanting nothing more than this blasted bus to hurry up and move, muffled voices started yelling my name from the other side of the window as the bus started to pull away from the stop. Slowly I started rising my head up and dared to look out the window, both the boys were chasing after the bus, Steve lagging behind as Bucky raced ahead, we shared one last look before the bus blended back into the traffic on main street.

That was way too bloody close for my liking, letting out a sigh of relief I cleared my head and concentrating on my up coming task, the next stop was the one I needed, and I still had 10 minutes before I needed to check in. It was a simple plan, I’d walk into the dinner and order a coffee and a sandwich, walk over to the booth closest to the window and signal my gang I was in position, monitor where the մոխրագույն օրխիդ came from and get the registration numbers of the cars they came out of.  Simple enough.

Noticing that the bus was nearing my stop, I readied my things and hit the button, mentally preparing myself for the next few hours.

Steve’s POV

Y/n was right in front of us, on that bus, it’d only been a couple of days, but she’s changed so much again. Her cuts had healed but her face, it was littered with fresh marks and bruises, the dark bags under her eyes stood out against her pale skin, she looked like a ghost.

What the hell happened to her? I was still from the shock, manging to break out of the haze when Buck started running after the bus, we chased it down the block for as long as we could but eventually we lost her…again. Slowly, I came to a stop next to him, his face impassive, but his eyes were filled with anger, worry and sadness, a look I knew all to well, “Did ya get the bus number?” he didn’t turn and look at me. He was still staring at where y/n disappeared, his head turned slightly at my question but other than that he kept his gaze ahead of him. “yeah, she’s on the 17, it stops just outside the bank on 4th street… did you see y/ns face Steve? She looked like death warmed up, what the hell is going on with her?” Bucky’s temper started to rise, I knew how he was feeling, the frustration of not being able to help someone who desperately needs it was slowly drivin’ me insane. “That’s somethin we’re gonna have to ask her when we find her, come on Buck lets go find our girl” clapping my hand on his shoulder, we started following the road down.

-20 Minutes later

A silence surrounded us as we walked, both of us thinkin’ about her, why won’t she let me help her? I know what it’s like to not have a family growin’ up, then Bucky came into my life and changed it all, he became my brother and I his. That’s all I wanna do for y/n, give her someone to rely on, someone to trust. Gun fire shattered my inner thoughts, people were running and screamin’ as they tried to get away, the crowd managed to knock both of us to the ground, Buck grabbed me by the collar and dragged me outta the way before I got crushed by all the people. “What the hell is goin’ on?! Steve, you okay?” I didn’t answer him, my eyes followed where the noise was comin’ from, Bucky right behind me, both of us peaking around the corner to see what was going on.

Two groups were firing shots at each other, one group was holed up in a dinner and the others were shooting from behind a couple of cars, a few of em were shooting from inside the bank. “Jesus Christ! We’re in the middle of a goddamn gang war Buck, we gotta find y/n and get the hell away from here!” for once in his life Bucky didn’t argue with me and started pulling us away from the scene. A sudden shout halted our movements, the firing stopped as the dinner door opened, my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach from what I saw next, a man yelling in what I guessed to be Russian walked out the dinner, his gun pointed at the side of y/ns head. Blood was dripping from her nose as he dragged her across the middle of the road, the worse bit was that she didn’t look scared not one bit, instead she looked blank, there was no expression on her face and eyes were dead, the man holding her yelling was nonsense I chose to ignore, keeping my eyes trained on her.

“Steve please tell me that my eyes are tricking me and that isn’t y/n being held hostage by the dickhead with the gun” Bucky’s voice shaking, I didn’t know if it was from anger or fear, “We need to get her outta there Buck”.  Both our gazes were trained on the man holding y/n, our minds focused on a plan of getting her back to us.

Readers POV

I knew as soon as I entered the dinner somethin’ was off, the atmosphere didn’t feel right at all, choosing to ignore it and stick to the plan I got in position and signalled to the member sat on the bench outside the bank.  One by one, the gangs made their way inside the bank and I waited for the sign, 5 minutes later gun shots were fired from inside the bank as members of the մոխրագույն օրխիդ pulled in cars and opened fire on the guys. People in the dinner started screaming and running for the door, I played my part and hid under the table trying to look terrified, everything was going to plan then shit hit the fan, the guys left in the dinner with me pulled out guns and returned fire on the Црни лабуд.

This is not my F**king day at all! What the hell do I do now?! Shoot at these guys or plan hostage and gain the upper hand?!, the decision was taken outta my hands when one of the մոխրագույն օրխիդ thugs grabbed my upper arm and dragged me over to the back of the room. Guns were trained on all the everyone who were unfortunate enough to get trapped in the building, a young girl was hugging her mother for dear life as the war carried on, keeping my eyes focused on the guy closet to me I waited for an opportunity.

Okay, y/n this is without a doubt one of the stupidest things you are ever going to do, the thug watching us turned to answer another member when I struck, quickly leaping to my feet I grabbed him from behind and forced him to the floor. Clearly surprised the other guys faltered before retaliating, acting purely on adrenaline I pulled my handgun and started firing at them, managing to hit 3 of them, 2 in the arm one in the chest, before I dived underneath the counter. Bullets started flying past me as they fired through the counter attempting to hit me, acting on impulse I laid down, waiting for them to seize fire and check to see if I was alive, one guy peered over the side and tried to tell the other thugs I was still alive. My reaction was to grab is collar and slam his face into the counter the use him as a human shield, the members ended up unintentionally killing their own guy, clearly, I pissed them off for out-smarting them.

I managed to fire a few more shots before a sudden force hit my back, sending me to the floor with only my face to soften my fall, Son of a b*TCH THEY JUST BROKE MY GODDAMN NOSE! A hand grabbed my hair, pulling me to my feet. I came face to face with the ugliest motherf*cker I’d ever seen, Alexi Churnov leader of the մոխրագույն օրխիդ and the monster behind the rise of sexual assault cases in Brooklyn. “My, my what do we have here, it’s the renowned recruiter of the Црни лабуд. Boys, this is little y/n  y/l/n, she’s been a part of the Црни лабуд for quite some time now” His voice alone is vile enough to make a Nun swear, “Cut the crap Churnov I haven’t got all day ya know, places to be people to shoot and all that” okay maybe I need to learn when to keep my mouth closed.

The next thing I knew my head was forced backwards and a stinging pain erupted along the right side of my face, I turned my head forwards and what do you know, I was face to face with the devil himself. “Have some respect you insolent child! talk to me in that tone again and I won’t hesitate to kill you. Now down to business, tell me what the Црни лабуд are planning or one by one these people die.” Well, do I have permission to panic now?!, slowly Alexi came closer to my face, scowling as he waited for his answer, my response ? I spat blood in his face and laughed at his stupidity.

A sharp kicked halted my laughter as I was dragged to my feet, a now very pissed off Alexi was dragging me to the dinner entrance, the difference of the light left me temporarily blinded, “Црни лабуд! WE HAVE YOU’RE PRECIOUS LITTLE Y/N! COME OUT AND FACE US OR SHE DIES RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!”. Oh, you have got to be f**king with me. The Црни лабуд shared glances with one another, nobody knew what to do, hell even the boss looked conflicted and unsure with how to solve the situation.

You know how I said that attacking the մոխրագույն օրխիդ with a pistol and no back-up was the stupidest thing I’d ever done? Well this is even stupider. I quickly spun around and grabbed the arm holding the gun to my head and twisted it behind Alexi’s back, curse words flew out of his mouth as the gun fire returned. Shots passed by my head as I dived behind a car, in the distance police cars were closing in on the gangs, not that either side cared all were focused on taking out as many people as possible.

I was happy with staying here until the police got the situation under control, out the corner I noticed something odd, two very familiar faces were crouched down behind a wall, both boys were corned as gun fire rained on either side of them. WHAT THE HELL WERE THOSE IDIOTS DOING?!, my eyes were wide with panic as I watched thugs from մոխրագույն օրխիդ slowly edge closer to them, not thinking of the risks to me I dashed out from my cover and started running over to them. My heart started beating faster, one of Alexi’s men was pointing his gun at Bucky and Steve, Bucky stood slightly in front of Steve to try and protect him.

Using the last of my energy, I ploughed my entire body into the man, sending both of us toppling back over the wall. The impact stunned the both of us for a second, but the fist flying to my face soon knocked some sense into me, literally. What is it with these guys and punching me in the f**king face today? Quickly I rolled off him and sprung to my feet, barely managing to avoid his second attack. I used my size to my advantage, manoeuvring around the thug, punching and kicking wherever I could reach, at some point he landed a kick and sent me flying into the wall of the building behind me, my eyes followed his hands as he trained his gun on the boys again.

I acted on impulse, pushing me body forward and over the wall as he fired his gun, at first, I didn’t feel anything just a little pinch as I landed on the floor in front of Bucky and Steve, the sound of guns cocking behind me had me tense up and turn around, thankfully it was the police aiming at Alexi’s men. I let out a sigh of relief before turning to the boys, both were still on the floor with me, “Jesus Christ what the hell were you two thinking?! You could got shot! Or worse killed!” neither of them said anything, tears started falling down their checks as they looked at me.

“Y/n…Yyour bleeding” I felt my eyebrows scrunch up in confusion as I glanced down at my body, to my horror blood was soaking my shirt and then the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. Black spots filled my vision as I felt my body fall to the floor…the sound of my name being called from somewhere far away as darkness consumed my vision.

Very long Chapter to make up for the really late upload, feel free to leave some constructive criticism and as mentioned before all Imagines and Requests are open :) Thanks for Reading

Rose xx

[loserholland]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠?

Pairing ➺ Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Warning ➺ nothin but fluff

Word Count ➺ 2,533

Summary ➺ Who knew getting the ‘talk’ by the Avengers would be so awkward?

A/N ➺  My request are open! They will be open till July 14 <3 

Request ➺ hey, first can i just say i seriously love your writing? like youre insanely talented. anyway please can i request a peter parker x reader (preferably not dating but lots of tension bc they like each other) where the reader is tonys daughter and she helps peter get changed after spiderman duties and cap walks in and it looks ‘compromising’ and they get a really awkward sex talk from the avengers? like bucky and sam teasing peter and wanda and nat teasing the reader? thanks, dw if not though - anonbabe <3

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand​, @taronxfiction, @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine, @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou @babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands@sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love  @caro0512

☞  Masterlist  ☜

“To your left Parker.” (Y/N) spoke as she watched on the monitor as he aimed his webshooter towards the intruders, she bit into her apple watching as Peter dodged their punches and groaned lightly as the two intruders bumped heads with one another.

“I can see that babe.” Peter groaned continuing to fight off the guys that broke into a small restaurant in Queens.

It was a good thing Peter couldn’t see her flushed cheeks, though they weren’t dating she had gotten use to the cute pet-names. Anytime Peter was out on a mission, she was the guy well girl in the chair.

The first time she had helped guide him through a fight and watched his back she had joked, “I hope Ned isn’t jealous.”

“The cops are five minutes away, wrap this up underoos.” Peter rolled his eyes playfully at the fact she was using Tony’s nickname for him.

“Alright babe, wrapping it up.”

(Y/N) leaned back into her chair kicking her feet up to rest against the table in front of her, another days work done. Usually she’d be out there helping when her father was home but, he was currently in California so no missions until he’s back. Though he did allow her to help Peter, letting her be the girl in the chair. 

“See you in 15.”

“See you in 15 Parker.”

She stood from the chair she had been sitting in for the past thirty minutes and stretched a little bit before exiting the room and headed for the kitchen. When Tony was out of town she was under the supervision of ‘Earth’s Mightiest Hero’s’. That also meant they enforced the rules when Tony was out of town, usually Nat and Steve were the one’s who were strict on Peter and (Y/N).

The last time Tony was out of town and (Y/N) had gone to a party she was about five minutes past the curfew Nat and Steve had given her. Which meant they had a talk with her about being aware of time and how they’re just worried about her, thankfully Wanda had came in to save her from the long lecture. 

“Hey Nat.” (Y/N) chimed walking over to the fridge to grab two bottles of water, Peter would be back any minute so she planned to meet him outside. 

“Hey, Parker back?” Nat questioned watching as she headed towards the door, “Yeah!” she shouted causing Nat to smile. If there was anything the rest of the Avenger’s knew, it was (Y/N) and Peter liked each other a lot yet never said one word to one another. 

It was cute, like a third grade crush. She could see it in (Y/N) eyes whenever her and Peter were together or the way Peter would just stare at (Y/N) when she was fixing up her suit. 

The moment Peter landed on the facility grounds (Y/N) was waiting for him with a bottle of water, “Good job tonight Parker.” she met him halfway handing him his bottle of water which he gladly accepted.

He removed his mask allowing his brunette curls to breathe, (Y/N) stared up at him in awe wanting to run her fingers through those soft curls. Her mind began to wander, the many thing’s she’d do if her and Peter were together. She didn’t even hear his question.

“Could you help me out of my suit?”

Peter waved his hand in front of (Y/N) face, she seemed to be out of it. Her mind was somewhere else at the moment. He continued to wave his hand in front of her face lightly.

“(Y/N)?”

I mean, they looked soft so they must be soft right? She wanted to cuddle with him and have him lay his head on her chest as she massaged his sc-

“(Y/N).”

She blinked a few times before responding, “Huh?” her cheeks were kissed by a small tint of red, oh was he talking the entire time? I didn’t hear a thing he said.

“I was asking if you could help me out of my suit.”

(Y/N) mouth formed an ‘oh’ he should know the answer to that already, she always helped him out when he came back from spidey duties. Why would tonight be any different?

“Y-yeah of course, we should head in then.”

Once the two got into Peter’s room, (Y/N) removed her jacket leaving her with a white sports bra. Peter had seen her in a sports bra before, but the thing was that certain sports bra. That white sports bra, it was one of his favorites. The way the color just made her skin glow against it, like it was sun-kissed. 

“Any cuts or bruises that need tending to?” she headed for his bathroom to grab the first aid kit, opening the mirror cabinet to retrieve the small kit.

“Yeah, bruise near my torso.” 

Steve walked into the kitchen greeting Nat before asking, “Did Peter get back?” she nodded responding “Yeah, he went to his room with (Y/N).” Steve raised his brows at Nat who just shrugged it off.

“I’ll go check in on them.”

(Y/N) stood in front of him, she leaned in a little her lips at any moment could kiss his. God how he’s been wanting to kiss her, to feel her lips on his. Though it didn’t happen. Yet

She raised her hand to press the spider logo on his chest causing his suit to fall around his feet. Peter stepped out of it as (Y/N) bent down to pick it up to fold it. 

Steve swung open the door to Peter’s room to see (Y/N) face was a few inches away from Peter’s, well little Peter but big Peter was also naked half naked.

Peter looked down at (Y/N) with wide eyes before he backed away from her raising his hands up in the air, “I-It’s not what it looks like!” (Y/N) rolled her eyes lightly at the way Peter had reacted.

“Steve! Ever heard of knocking?”

He ignored what the two had to say and instead said “Uh, what’s that Bucky? I better go.” immediately shut the door and rushed back over to the kitchen to see the rest of the avenger’s were gathered around making themselves dinner.

Sam snickered at Steve’s expression, it looked like he saw a ghost.

“What’s up with you cap?”

“I think I just walked in on Peter and (Y/N) about to- yunno.” 

They looked between one another then bursted out laughing, these two teenagers couldn’t have been possibly getting it on when they know anyone could walk in.

Though the laughter was slowly brought down when they noticed Steve wasn’t laughing along, “You’re not joking are you?” Nat questioned as Steve shook her head ‘no’.

“I guess we’ll just have to give them the talk.”

-

The next morning (Y/N) and Peter walked next to one another, (Y/N) was unbothered by last night but Peter was the complete opposite. He was a nervous wreck afraid Steve had told Tony and Tony was headed back to have Peter’s head for what didn’t even happen.

“Parker, calm down okay? It’s fine, just go work it off. We’ll meet back in an hour or two for lunch.” 

Peter nodded stopping in front of the gym door opening it slightly, “I’m guessing you’ll be in the kitchen with Nat and Wanda?” (Y/N) nodded waving him off to enter the gym watching as he entered before walking away.

He sighed lightly closing his eyes for a brief moment, “Just work it off.” he thought opening his eyes to see Bucky and Sam standing in front of him. Peter jumped back placing his hands on his chest, “Sam, Bucky. Didn’t see you guys there.” walking past the two and headed over to the bench press.

“So Parker, rumor has it that you have a crush on (Y/N) Stark.” Sam teased walking over to stand beside the bench press wearing a little smirk on his lips, Peter stared at the two with wide eyes before sitting up right.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bucky shook his head lightly before pointing out, “You’re lying, your voice just went up a few octaves.” Peter groaned lightly, damn it. 

“Now, we feel that since Cap informed us on what he witnessed yesterday-”

“It wasn’t what it-”

Sam waved his index finger from side to side, “No, no the adults are talking. Now we feel that it’s our responsibility to give you the talk.”

These two? Yeah they’ll give out the wrong information.

“I-I think I’m good, I already learned about it in health class.”

“Well, no we’re giving you the talk now. First of all, how to avoid pregnancy...”

-

(Y/N) hummed as she walked into the kitchen greeting Nat and Wanda “Good morning.” grabbing a banana and a small bottle of orange juice, once (Y/N) started eating the banana Nat piped “I heard Steve nearly walked in on you and Peter doing that.” 

She choked lightly on the banana moving over to the trash to spit it out, “What?!” Wanda patted on the seat that was between her and Nat motioning for (Y/N) to take a sit.

“(Y/N) hun, I know that right now your hormones are everywhere and you maybe want to experience things but-” (Y/N) shook her head at Wanda “No, no we are not having the talk! I’ve been through it!” 

Nat snickered “From last night, I think we need to have it again. I know you like Peter-” (Y/N) opened her mouth to speak but Nat was quick to cut her off “No, don’t even deny that you have feelings for him.”

She slouched in her chair glaring at Nat, “I don’t know what Steve told you but, I was just helping Peter out of his suit and was going to tend to his bruise! Steve needs to learn how to knock!”

-

“So how long have you liked (Y/N) spidey boy?” Sam teased watching Peter attempt to hide his blush, he’s had a crush on her ever since Tony had introduced him to her.

“Ever since I met her.” he mumbled, Sam and Bucky looked between one another they had caught what he said but wanted him to say it again. “What was that?”

“Ever since I met her!” Peter repeated not looking at the two who were teasing him for the past thirty minutes.

“Awe did you tell her you like her?!” Sam said in a high pitched voice blinking his eyes at Peter in attempts to make it look like he was fluttering his lashes.

“No. She wouldn’t like a dork like me, she’s way out of my league.” 

“You’re not wrong spi-”

Bucky elbowed Sam glaring at him for even saying what he wanted to say, “Peter, look she likes you. I’ve seen it, the way she looks at you she feels the same way. Plus I’ve heard you call her babe or princess. If she didn’t like you she wouldn’t allow you to call her that.”

-

“I like him a lot, he’s so funny and understanding and doesn’t see me as ‘Tony Stark’s daughter’ he see’s me as me, (Y/N). Whenever I’m having a bad day he’s there to make it better. He makes my day and night.”

“He stares at you with such awe (Y/N), he’s a keeper.” Wanda commented causing (Y/N) to bury her face in her hands to hide her blush.

(Y/N) looked down at her watch any moment now her and Peter would leave to get lunch.

“Peter and I were planning on getting lunch.” (Y/N) announced hopping off of her chair Nat smiled “Go on then, and maybe tell him how you feel.” (Y/N) nodded before heading out to the door.

Meet me outside. Sent

Peter looked down at his phone to see (Y/N) had texted him, “Shoot, sorry guys (Y/N) and I are going out to lunch right now. Uh thanks for the talk?” Peter got up from the bench pressed and headed for the door.

“Hey spidey!” Sam called before Peter could exit the gym, Peter looked back for a brief moment “Tell her how you feel. Don’t disappoint us.” with that Peter rushed out the doors.

He was going to tell her, he was going to tell her how he felt.

“Hey!” Peter shouted as he jogged towards (Y/N), her brows pinched in confusion “Hey, you didn’t work out?” she questioned noticing that Peter was still wearing the same clothes. Usually after working out he takes a quick shower and changes out of his workout clothes.

“No actually, Sam and Bucky gave me the ‘talk’.”

(Y/N) chuckled lightly brushing the piece of hair that flew in her face behind her ear, “Funny, Nat and Wanda did the same thing.” the rest of the avenger’s gathered around the window watching the two teenager’s.

“I wanted to tell you something.” Peter and (Y/N) said in a unison, “No you go first.” they repeated before a light laughter erupted from (Y/N) chest, “Lady’s first.” Peter offered causing her to sigh lightly.

“Okay well, I remember the day I first met you. At first I thought my dad would pay attention to you more than he would me, so I thought I’d hate you. Until we started talking more and found out we have a lot in common. I was never good at being honest with my feelings and I’m just here to say that, I like you a lot Peter. You make my day, you understand me more than myself.”

Peter stood there for a moment, holy shit Sam and Bucky were right! They were fucking right!

“Peter?” (Y/N) questioned as she waved her hand in front of his face, panic began to settle in.

“Peter please say something.” (Y/N) whispered.

“I like you too, holy shit you like me too! I honestly never thought you’d like me because I’m a huge dork! You’re also way out of my league and deserve way better than me but holy shit you like me too! I-I like you too. I said that already, now I’m ramb-”

(Y/N) stood on her toes and placed her hand on the back of his nape placing her lips on his shutting Peter up, “They kissed!” Sam shouted as Bucky slapped the back of his neck “We can see that.”

You know how they say when you kiss someone, you could feel some sort of electricity? Like fireworks? As cliche as it sounds that’s exactly what they felt. It was slow yet filled with so much passion.

(Y/N) pulled away lightly before resting her forehead against his, she closed her eyes for a moment before asking “They’re watching aren’t they?” Peter chuckled then said “Yeah, on the count of three we’ll look at them. One. Two. Three.” Peter and (Y/N) looked up at the gang who quickly backed away from the window.

“Do you think they saw us?” Nat questioned watching as Wanda peeked to see if they were still staring at the window, (Y/N) was waving up at the window.

“Yeah, they saw us.”

(Y/N) intwined her hand with Peter’s, “Let’s go to lunch.” 

Who knew Steve walking in on them could lead to such a great thing?

[marshmallow-phd]

Sculpted Raven

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Summary: It had been just you and your brother for the longest time and that’s how you liked it. Politics and lies had drove you away from your home five years ago and that has since left a bitter taste in your mouth. While exploring the latest town you’d settled in, you met Chanyeol. He was everything you didn’t want: goofy, happy-go-lucky… a wolf. Mate pull or not, you were going to try everything you could avoid him while keeping the secret from your brother. But how long would you be able to fight? Will Chanyeol be able to pull you back into the world you swore you would never enter again?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

“No, you’ve got to adjust your fingers. Like this.”

“They were like that.”

“Yeah, but then you moved them.”

“Because they were cramping.”

“Well, you’ve got to get used to it.”

“I will hit you with this and you know I will.”

Chanyeol snatched the guitar right out of your hands with a horrified look on his face. You’d never actually damage his most precious item (he always corrected that statement, saying that you were the most precious thing to him, but you didn’t really believe that you came before the guitar), but at the moment it was definitely tempting.

This was currently lesson number three in which Chanyeol was trying to teach you to play guitar. Considering you already knew how to play one instrument, you didn’t need to learn another one. You used to be very proud of your piano skills. Until you heard Chanyeol play.

On a random day soon after the funeral, he took you to a music shop (a different store than the one you accidentally stole from) and sat down at one of the keyboards, testing out different ones to see which one he wanted to buy. The way his fingers glided over the keys took your breath away.

And he played you the song he’d written for you on the guitar.

He’d let you hear it for the first time when you were fully moved in to the farmhouse. Living with twelve - well, technically thirteen since Jongdae’s mate, Jiyoung, lived with them half the time - was going to take some getting used to, but it would help stave off the loneliness. And Chanyeol was the happiest you’d ever seen him.

When the two of you had settled in his bedroom, he didn’t hesitate to grab his guitar, sit across from you on the bed, and start playing without even indicating what you’d be listening to. But you didn’t need to be told. A soft melody was hidden underneath a slightly faster tempo. It was how Chanyeol saw you and brought a single tear to your eye. He’d blushed at the sight of how much you appreciated the song before you threw yourself into his arms. Then you asked to hear it again. You never wanted to stop listening to it.

After that you learned that Chanyeol was the ultimate definition of “one man band”. With a strange need to keep up with him, you begged for him to teach you how to play the guitar, knowing that you wouldn’t really had the coordination to learn the drums.

Okay, beg was a bit of a stretch. You were barely able to finish the question before that boy was pulling you back up to his room to get started on your first lesson.

The past month and a half hadn’t been the easiest. Learning the names of the entire pack and their mates was not a simple feat, but Dana helped you out the most as she, too, had a hard time connecting with them all in the beginning. Perhaps it was because of that day in the bakery, but you found yourself appreciating her the most and spending the most time with her outside of Chanyeol. It was kind of ironic after seeing how Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had a strange relationship. It was still a loving one, but Chanyeol also seemed to take pleasure in messing with the younger wolf who was not afraid to fight back.

The way they interacted and leaned on each other like a family made you miss Lon. According to his phone calls, he was doing fine, fitting in to his pack like a tailored glove. Being a part of your father’s pack really was fate.

He promised to visit soon and you looked forward it. It’d been too long since you’d seen your brother and you wanted to see for yourself that he really was as happy as he sounded over the phone.

Getting up from the bed, you stretched out your limbs and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Chanyeol asked as he followed you out into the hallway.

“I’m thirsty,” you replied, heading down the stairs. “Putting up with your poor teaching skills is making me dehydrated.”

You didn’t need to turn around to see the pout he was sporting. “Maybe you just have poor learning skills.”

Stopping just before you could get off the bottom step onto the first floor you whirled around. “Excuse me?”

“Ididn’tmeanit,” Chanyeol quickly defended.

“Mhm.”

Heading for the kitchen, you should have been prepared for the pair of arms that encase you and lifted you off the ground. But you weren’t, making you let out a squeak as he carried you into the room.

“Chanyeol, put me down,” you grunted. You were trying hard not to chuckle at the giant child, but you failed miserably. Man, you wished you could actually hold a grudge against him, but he made it so damn difficult.

He did as you asked, laughing as your feet touched the ground and the arms disappeared from your waist. Kris was sitting at the kitchen table while Sehun and Tao stood in front of him, the latter holding up a box of hair dye.

“Come on, Kris,” Tao whined. “Just try it. I think you’d look great as a blond.”

“He’s not going to do it,” Sehun said as he crossed his arms.

“You’re right,” Kris nodded. “I’m not.”

Sehun smirked. “Because he’s not as cool as us.”

That made Kris scoff. “You wish.”

You liked Kris. He didn’t take any of the members crap (of which there was an insane amount of), but he also was surprisingly full of wisdom that was never sugar coated. No wonder he was fated to be an alpha.

Stepping up behind him, you bravely ruffled his hair (something only you could really get away with) and said, “I don’t know, Kris. I have to agree. Blond might be a good look for you. Then you’d get all the ladies.”

The crooked smile that adorned Kris’ face ninety-five percent of the time slipped away. Without a word, he stood up and walked out the back door. You were stunned, unsure of what just happened.

“Did I say something wrong?” you asked to anyone who would answer you.

“Don’t take it personally,” Junmyeon told you as he entered the kitchen. His hair was wet, fresh from a shower. “That’s just a sore subject with him.”

You frowned. “It’s getting hard to decipher who it’s okay to talk about that subject with and who it’s not.”

“Basically everyone but Kris.” Tao tossed the box of dye down on the table. “Well, since that didn’t work, I’m going to go change for tonight. A new bar opened up and I’m itching to check it out.”

The two young wolves exited the kitchen while you turned to Chanyeol.

“Why is Kris sensitive about girls?”

“Later,” he replied, getting a clean glass down from the cabinet for you and filling it up with water. “Any fun plans tonight, Junmyeon?”

The alpha shook his head. “No. I’m holing myself up in my office for a while. I’ve got to prepare for the end of the semester.”

“Your favorite time of the year,” Chanyeol chuckled.

Junmyeon groaned. “I just want to fast forward to the beginning of the next semester.”

Taking the glass that Chanyeol held out for you, you sipped on the ice cold water before asking, “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Junmyeon shrugged. “I just like the possibilities the new school year brings. You never know the kind of semester you’ll have. Could be good, could be bad. You just never know.”

“You must really like surprises.”

“Part of being a professor.” Checking his watch, Junmyeon sighed. “Alright. I’ll get out of your hair. Too many papers to grade and too many students wanting last minute extra credit. Have a good night.”

It was his turn now to disappear out the back door, leaving you guys alone.

Chanyeol slid up next to you with a mischievous glint in his eye. “You know, that means everyone will be out of the house for a few hours.”

Putting the now empty glass down on the counter, you smirked at him. “Yeah? So?”

Not voicing his thoughts, Chanyeol picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. You couldn’t help but giggle as he carried you back up the stairs and to his room for some good old quality mate time.

[redrobin-detective]

The Long Way Around 7

Here's chapter 7 a day earlier cause I'll be busy tomorrow night. Not much to say up here that won't be spoilery other than this chapter concludes the first week of school, and the initial scene setting and character development. Things will start moving faster and getting a little more exciting, please stick around.

AO3/Fanfiction

Chapter Seven: Shinsou's Starting Line

It's starting to drive him a little bit insane that Izuku still hasn't seen All Might despite the fact that it's already Friday of the first week. He clearly wasn't having any luck trying to track the man after school so he figures he'd try early in the morning since he wasn't allowed to train until Sunday.

Izuku spent almost 45 minutes hiding near the teacher's lounge, hoping he'd catch a peek at All Might. While the Number One was nowhere to be seen; he did get to see Present Mic talking loudly to an exhausted looking man in a scarf. Midnight was in and out a few times and he even managed to see Ectoplasm. But still no All Might.

Izuku wanders away from the teacher's area before someone notices his stalking and pulls out his hero notebook, now up to volume 14, and analyzes his updated All Might page in annoyance. He underlines elusive twice with his pencil before slamming the book shut. He still has half an hour before homeroom starts; there were a couple of things he wants to add to his notebook about the pros he saw today.

Izuku walks the halls by memory, muttering to himself about how Midnight was taller than she seemed on TV and a mental note to look up that scruffy man he'd seen with Present Mic. Was he another pro? Despite being lost in thought, some deep-seeded survival instinct has Izuku stopping and leaning around the corner near his classroom.

When Izuku peers around, he sees a couple of older kids hovering around a boy with gravity defying purple hair. Just seeing Shinsou makes Izuku a bit uncomfortable and he almost considers just leaving until Shinsou turns slightly and Izuku can see he looks unhappy. Before he can even think about it, Izuku is stalking forward.

"Hey, leave him alone," Izuku says before he can think otherwise, parting the group and standing in front of Shinsou who looks just as stunned as he is. Just once, Izuku would like to control his idiotic impulses.

"Oh look, the villain kid has a partner in crime," One of the older kids sneers down at him. The villain kid? Izuku looks back at Shinsou who's glaring at his shoes with a dark look on his face. "Better watch your step brat; don't you know the only reason they let him into Yuuei is so the heroes could keep an eye on him?"

"That's not true," Izuku interjects, a little uncertain but these guys are nothing compared to Kaachan. "If anything, they accepted him because he's smart and he's got an amazing quirk that will save a lot of people." He takes a step forward. "Shinsou hasn't done anything wrong and aren't the real villains the ones who bully other people for no reason?" One of the boys winces and another gives an uneasy glance towards their leader.

"I don't know who you think he is but he sure isn't a hero, I'll leave you to figure that one out on your own. Come on guys, I don't want to catch his naivety." With that said, the boy stalks off with his two cronies following awkwardly behind. Izuku watches them go with a frown; bullies can be found everywhere, even at a prestigious school like Yuuei.

"Are you oka-" Izuku asks, turning around to face Shinsou only to be met with a light push that puts him back a few steps. Shinsou's face is still turned to the ground and his fists are trembling slightly.

"I didn't ask for your help, who the hell are you to interfere in my business?" Shinsou demands in a tight, angry voice.

"I'm sorry, I-I was just trying to help," Izuku says, his confidence gone with an almost visible pop as he tries to fix whatever it was he did wrong. "Those guys had no right to speak to you that way."

"Oh yeah and what do you know? You don't know anything about me," Shinsou hisses.

"I know you want to be a hero," Izuku responds quietly. "You mentioned it on the first day of school. You're right, I don't know much about you but that alone tells me that you'd never be a villain." Shinsou seems to freeze at that, just for a moment before he's moving again.

"You really don't know anything, just leave me alone." Shinsou says as he shoves his hands deep into his pockets and stalks off.

Izuku lets out the breath he'd been holding and rubs at his head. Why is it he always says the wrong thing around this kid? He has no idea what to do but a part of him can't help but empathize a bit with Shinsou. No matter how distant and hostile he acts; Izuku can see that the other boy is hurting. He wonders if there is anything he can do to help; he wonders if Shinsou would let him.

Izuku spends the time before homeroom writing in his hero notebook but he finds he can't concentrate on the words. Instead, he thinks about how resigned Shinsou had looked before Izuku had intervened. Like he'd accepted the fact that no one else believed him capable of being a hero with his quirk.

It was sad in a way that way that Izuku completely understood having been in the same situation for most of his life. Shinsou is probably similar to how Izuku would have turned out if he'd let his anger and bitterness overwhelm him. It made him want to help his classmate. He's thinking over to approach Shinsou when there's a light tap on his hand. He looks up to Motome's empty eyed stare.

"I see you had another run-in with our class's most mysterious member," Motome says quietly, presumably so the others don't hear. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," she says referring to the use of her quirk to look into his past as if the invasion of his privacy wasn't that big of a deal. "You just looked deep in thought and I thought I'd see what I could do."

"Yeah," Izuku hums as an answer, not really sure what to think of the unwanted intrusion. Despite how nice most of his class was, Izuku sometimes found himself frustrated by their casual, usually unwelcome, quirk use on him. But he had been thinking about what to do with Shinsou. Motome wanted to be a detective someday, maybe she could help.

"I just don't know what to do about Shinsou. You know that we've had some bad encounters but he doesn't really seem like a mean person. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel more comfortable but I don't know how to go about it." Izuku elaborates as he loses himself to his thoughts.

"Maybe if I just confronted him directly, told him that I don't care about what happened in the past? But I also don't want him to think he can just walk all over me. He doesn't seem to have any other people he talks to, maybe he just doesn't want to talk to anyone…" he mutters to himself until Motome quietly knocks on his desk with an amused smile.

"You're quite a character Midoriya; you just don't stop do you?" she says fondly.

"Stop what?" Izuku asks as Korudo and Taketsu walk in and he raises his hand to greet them.

"Helping people," Motome elaborates. "I don't know what you should do; all I know is that there are rumors going around about him, mostly related to his brainwashing quirk. Honestly, those rumors don't seem to match up what I've seen from him. Jerk he may be but I haven't seen him really do anything other than keep to himself."

As Taketsu and Korudo walk over, Motome pushes herself away from his desk. "It's up to you what you do, though. Just be careful and keep yourself out of trouble, you hear? Don't make us worry anymore than we already do."

"I will," Izuku said, unable to stop the eye roll. If he'd known his confrontation with Kaachan would cause everyone to coddle him, he would have just punched his former friend in the face. He hates that everyone seems to think they need to intervene in his life. Speaking of which... "Oh and Motome?"

She turns back to look at him as she makes her way to her seat. "I don't really have anything to hide but maybe ask next time before using your quirk?" Izuku says quietly, like it's something rude he's asking. Motome doesn't seem angry though and instead she looks a little embarrassed.

"Right, sorry about that, I kind of have a habit of poking my nose where it doesn't belong. Let me know if I go too far again, okay?" She smiles before quickly sitting back down as Chiura-sensei enters the room.

"Alright, in your seats, homeroom has now begun," Chiura-sensei announces as he sets down his bag. "I hope you're getting settled and preparing yourself because it will only get tougher as the term continues." He intones with a stern look before going through the daily announcements.

Izuku sighs a little bit, letting himself be a bit distracted as he glances out of the corner of his eye to where Shinsou was sitting. He's wondering how the other boy was faring after his bullying incident and, if he was being honest, Izuku is a bit curious about the quiet, bitter boy who wanted to be a hero.

When his eyes land in Shinsou's direction, he squeaks and quickly rights himself when he sees the other boy is openly glaring at him. Izuku squirms a bit in his seat, happy when homeroom ends so he can find some relief.

In the end he doesn't get it.

Every time for the rest of the morning whenever he dares to turn around and check, he would find purple haired boy still staring him down. First, then second, third and fourth period came and went and Izuku thought he was going to bust out of his skin from discomfort and anxiety.

Korudo and Kyoshi kept mouthing to him if he was okay but he kept waving them off. He tells himself he does it because he doesn't want to involve them in another situation but Izuku knows that he just doesn't want to turn to face them and see Shinsou's penetrating gaze out of the corner of his eye again.

By the time lunch comes, Izuku is contemplating going to Recovery Girl for a note so he could excuse himself home. He certainly feels like he's sick anyway. He rubs at his forehead as he continues to deflect questions and change topics all during lunch. The first week isn't even over and already he has people after him when he hasn't done anything wrong.

The thought catches him, like a hangnail on an old shirt, making him pause with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. That's right; he hasn't done anything to deserve this. All he's done is do his best to fit in and keep working towards his dream. Does that mean he deserves people to laugh at him? to have cruel notes placed on his desk? To be glared at? He scowls as his anxiety turns to anger, going up like a campfire doused in gasoline.

"Yo, are you gonna finish that or are you gonna leave your rice hanging," Patrick teases before the brown haired boy glances at his face. Izuku doesn't know what his expression looks like but it must be bad judging by Patrick's reaction. "Woah man, you okay? You look like you need to deck someone. I personally volunteer Kamoto because that guy is a jerk also he doesn't realize the pompadour went out of style like 50 years ago."

"I'm fine," Izuku says in a voice that, even to him, does not sound fine. He clears his throat and tries again with a smile that feels like a grimace. "It'll be alright, there's just something I just realized I need to take care of. Excuse me." He scans the hall for Shinsou and finds him in his usual spot on the outer edges of the cafeteria, sitting by himself.

"Be careful," Motome says with an unhappy frown, clearly seeing where he plans on going. Korudo just gives him a thumbs up with a grin.

"I don't know what's going on but you have my support. You know where we are if you need any backup." Izuku just nods but he isn't really listening as he puts his shoulders back and walks towards Shinsou.

All his anger and nervousness seem far away when compared to his frustration that he can't enjoy his high school experience in peace. He dealt with it all through middle and primary school and he's not going to let it follow him here. He's different now. Izuku reaches the table and looms over the other boy who looks up at him with an annoyed expression.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my way," Shinsou mutters as he takes another bite from his pudding.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is but I'm not going to let you treat me like this." Shinsou gives him a droll look and saps some of Izuku's confidence, he swallows and presses on anyway. "Look, I'm sorry if I upset you earlier but I don't regret stepping in when those other kids were giving you a hard time. You don't deserve to be treated that way just like I don't deserve everything that happens to me because I'm quirkless." Shinsou scoffs and breaks eye contact to play with his pudding.

"Is that what you think this is about?" Shinsou asks dully and the dismissiveness of the statement rekindles the spark of anger in Izuku's chest that he slams a hand down on the table and startles Shinsou enough to make him look up again.

"I have no idea what this is about because you won't tell me," Izuku hisses. "Maybe if you had an actual conversation with me, we could work things out so you can find better things to do than glare at the back of my head for 4 hours straight."

"Alright, you want to talk? Let's talk. Meet me in the gym on the west side of campus after school, wear your gym uniform and don't bring your little group." Shinsou turns away and glares into his pudding. "Sensei ended our spar early the other day, we'll get this settled once and for all."

"I'll be there," Izuku nods.

It's amazing how much more quickly the afternoon passes than the morning. There's an itch under his skin as he sits through those last couple of classes that he first thinks is the resurgence of his anxiety but he later recognizes it as something similar to what he feels before a training session with Rikimaru-shishou.

Beneath his desk, his leg bounces in nervous anticipation as he watches the clock and thinks about what's to come. He mutters quietly to himself as he thinks about what he's going to do, what he'll say as he counts down the hours. Not once does he look behind him to see if Shinsou is still glaring. Whatever is going on between them is going to be addressed soon enough.

If the first half of the day seemed to drag on endlessly then the second half speeds by like a bullet. Izuku wasn't sure if he was relieved or nauseous when the final bell rang. Either way, he couldn't back out now so it was best just to get this over with.

He excuses himself easily from his friends, mentioning that he was going to get some extra training in. It's too much for him to hope that they'd forgotten about earlier but at least they're letting him deal with it on his own. They probably think he's just going to talk to Shinsou instead of fight him. Given how protective they could be, Izuku didn't enlighten them.

Izuku warms himself up briefly in the locker room as he changes into his gym uniform. He's no All Might but there's a refined strength in his muscles that wasn't there at this time last year. He's come a long way in a short period of time and he thinks that will be enough for whatever Shinsou has planned. It has to be.

He strolls into the deserted gym 20 minutes after the final bell to find his opponent working out with a punching bag. Izuku can't help the wince. The other boy not only is working without gloves or proper wrapping but the bag he'd punching is far too heavy for a beginner. Izuku can see some blood and bruising on his knuckles in between punches.

"I wasn't sure you were going to show," Shinsou says as he rolls his shoulders and walks away from the punching bag. He looks just as tired and frustrated as he did earlier.

"I told you I would," Izuku responds. "I don't want a repeat of our spar on Tuesday. I just want to work out whatever issues you have with me so that we can have a better relationship. We both want to be heroes, right? We should be working together not against each other."

"You're so naïve," Shinsou spits out viciously. "That's exactly why we can't be friends. Now get on over to the mat and we'll see once and for all who the better hero is going to be."

"This is stupid, you're not an experienced fighter and I can't get around your quirk. Can't we try talking this time?" Izuku asks even as he steps onto the mat opposite the purple haired boy. "Shinsou, please, I want to help you. You always look so angry but I think that you're really just lonely. I know because I've been in the same position."

"Stop pretending like you know me," Shinsou says as he charges forward with his hands reaching out to tackle him. Izuku dodges the attack with ease, resisting the urge to make his own move. "Come on, you're not an idiot. You know why I called you here so fight me. I know you can since you insisted on humiliating me in gym the other day."

"I wasn't trying to humiliate you." Izuku hisses as Shinsou manages to get close enough to give him a glancing punch to the shoulder which knocks him off balance. "Why won't you talk to me? What could I have possibly done to make you so angry with me?" Izuku asks as he rights himself and speeds forward to grab ahold of Shinsou's wrist and wrench it behind his back.

"You really want to know?" Shinsou asks, squirming in his hold until he brings his foot down on Izuku's own which causes him to curse and let go of his hold on the other boy. "I've had to fight every step of the way to get here. I've had to endure teachers and classmates and even my own family telling me I can't be a hero with my quirk. Do you know what that's like to be shot down no matter how hard you try?" Shinsou practically screams, his voice filled with rage but his face looks so sad.

"When I got accepted to Yuuei, I thought that maybe I could do this. I could prove myself and transfer into the hero department and get everyone to stop whispering behind my back every day." He pauses long enough to throw a sloppy swing Izuku's way which Izuku sidesteps but just barely.

"And then I get here and I find my main competition is this smiley idiot who acts like he can just walk on into the hero program without a quirk. Do you know how infuriating that is? Even when I think my dream is within reach, I get it tugged away by someone who can't possibly know what I've been through."

"That's so stupid! You don't think I know what it's like to have your dream mocked?" Izuku yells back, taking note of Shinsou's increasingly more erratic attacks, feeling both annoyed and sympathetic for the other boy. "I've been bullied and teased since the day I was diagnosed and I know how much that hurts. I lived with that hurt every day until I decided that I was done letting other people tell me what to do." Shinsou tries to grab him but Izuku bats away his hands.

"You're taking your frustration out on the wrong person, Shinsou. I'm not the one holding you back, you are. You're so determined to be angry at the people who've beaten you down that you don't see that their opinions don't matter. I worked hard to get to this point, what have you done besides be angry at the things you can't change?" Izuku ducks low under a punch and quickly swipes Shinsou's feet from underneath him. Shinsou looks surprised as he hits the mat.

"You say you want to be a hero but I don't see you doing anything about it. Train your body, improve your quirk and stop blaming other people for your problems!" Izuku emphasizes with annoyance.

"I'm not blaming anyone!" Shinsou says with a sneer.

"Then stand up and move forward! Do you want to be a hero because you want to prove everyone wrong? Or do you want to save people?" Izuku demands, ignoring the hypocrisy of the statement.

"I want to save people," Shinsou shouts angrily before seeming to calm down. "Of course I do."

"Then stop being so-" Izuku starts to answer only for a cloudy haze to fall over his mind. His brain slows down to a crawl and his muscles lock in place in his squat.

Shoot, he fell under Shinsou's brainwashing quirk again. How was it activated? Could it be counteracted? Izuku struggles to move, to do anything and finds he can't. On the ground, Shinsou rolls over onto his stomach before crawling back to his knees then to his feet. He studies Izuku for a moment, still frozen from his position near the floor.

"That looks uncomfortable, stand up," and just like that Izuku was on his feet but it wasn't his own power. It was a very distressing feeling. "You're more than an idiot, you're absolutely crazy. You know what I can do with my quirk but you didn't even hesitate to stand up for me today, didn't avoid meeting me here." Izuku takes in a deep breath as he feels control come back to him. "I still don't know what to do with you. I thought this would help but now I'm even more confused."

"You could stop being a jerk and be my friend," Izuku responds and the look of pure surprise on Shinsou's face encourages him to keep going. "We got off to a rough start but I'd like to try again. You can sit with us at lunch; the others might give you a hard time at first but they'll warm up quickly I'm sure. I can give you some tips on fighting techniques and you can show me how your quirk works."

"I just took control of your body against your will," Shinsou says quietly but full of some emotion Izuku can't place. "I could have made you do something terrible; had you bend your fingers back until they broke or forced you jump off the roof."

"No, you wouldn't," Izuku answers calmly because in some way, he gets it. He gets what it's like to be stuck in a bad mindset based on the people around you. And if he could claw his way out, then Shinsou can too. "You're not a villain just like I'm not as useless as everyone says."

"You don't know me," Shinsou says quietly, looking very lost.

"You're right, but I'd like to get to know you better," Izuku smiles. "So can we be friends now? Stop fighting each other and start fighting this terrible, corrupt system that made us feel this way in the first place?" Shinsou laughs a little at that, looking surprised even as he does, like Izuku had startled it out of him. He stares at Izuku with wide purple eyes for an extra few moments before breaking eye contact and stepping away awkwardly.

"I'll think about it," Shinsou mutters as he shoves his hands deep into his pockets and walks towards the exit. Izuku smiles wryly, thinking about how this is the second, no third, time Shinsou has left him in the dust. Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day.

"Hey," Izuku looks up to see Shinsou hovering by the door. "Are you coming or are you going to sleep here?"

"O-oh! Yes! I'm coming, here, let me get my bag," Izuku says, running over and grabbed his backpack before practically skipping over to where the other boy was holding open the door. "Thanks!" He chirps which only makes Shinsou look more uncomfortable.

"I am sorry I guess, for uh for taking over your mind earlier and yelling at you, punching you too. I haven't really treated you fairly since school started, have I?" Shinsou mutters but Izuku waves him off as they walk down the hall.

"It's fine, this is new for both of us. I'm sorry for sending you to the mat. My master has put me through that enough times that I know it had to hurt. I can show you how to fall properly or even how to avoid an attack like that in the first place. Your quirk is handy but you'll need some combat skills if you want to transfer."

"You really are crazy, Midoriya," Shinsou scoffs but there's a small smile on his face and to Izuku, it feels like the start of a new beginning.

XxX

Inko is anxiously stirring the noodles in the pot when she hears Izuku walk through the door. She breathes a quick sigh of relief before turning around to scold her son with her spoon.

"Izuku, where have you been?" Inko demands. "You told me you were going to be home early today and, look, it's almost five! You better not have been out there training-"

"Mom, I wasn't I promise," Izuku interjects, shedding his jacket and setting himself down at the kitchen chairs but Inko isn't done yet.

"-because I have your martial arts teacher's phone number and he said to call if you'd been exercising during your little break." She looks at him, there was some guilt on his face but not much. He'd been up to something all right but he doesn't look like he normally did after practice. "I know you want to be more independent but if you say you're going to come home at a certain time, I expect you home at that time. Or at least phone me if you're going to be late. You have no idea how worried I was."

Her son may be 15 and attending a prestigious high school but that doesn't mean he's all grown up yet. It's still her job to worry over him. He frowns up at her with big green eyes that she can't really stay mad at.

"I'm sorry Mom, it's been such a crazy day, a crazy week. Something happened after school today and I lost track of time. I promise I'll call home next time."

"Well can you at least tell me what it was?" She asks, going back to her cooking as she turns down the heat on the stove. "I know it's been a while but your mom still remembers how scary the first week of high school can be."

"I uh," Izuku stammers, "it's kind of weird and I don't even know how to explain it but uh I think I made another friend today." He pauses as she turns to face him again, "Maybe, it was... kind of unclear."

"Oh Izuku that's wonderful, I'm so glad." Inko says and she is, she's so happy she could cry. A boy making a new friend shouldn't be such a big deal but for someone who's been ostracized as much as Izuku has, it's a blessing. She hadn't been sure about Yuuei at first but clearly it's been nothing but good for her son. "Tell me about them, are they nice? Do they know your other friends?"

"Shinsou is," Izuku purses his lips and sets his chin down onto his folded arm across the table. "He's a bit like me, how I was before Yuuei. He wants to be a hero too, he got a great quirk but no one else can see it. Mom, you should've seen him today, he looked so sad. I tried to help and, I don't know, maybe I did a little... but I had to do something."

"Oh baby," she says stepping away from the stove to walk over to her son. "You're a good boy, I'm sure you did help your friend. Sometimes just having someone care is enough to make a difference. One small act of kindness can mean the world to someone."

"Yeah," Izuku replies softly behind her after a moment. "Hey Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I uh invite my friends over tomorrow? Taketsu, Patrick and Korudo and I talked about it earlier but I was thinking maybe I could invite Shinsou too, you know, so he knows I'm genuine in my offer to be friends." He sits upright, "Uh I hope that's not too much, I know inviting four people over is a lot but I promise we'd be good and keep the noise down and-"

"Oh hush you," Inko says fondly, cutting her son off before he really gets worked up. "I think that's a lovely idea. I've been wanting to meet your friends anyway. But don't worry, I'll keep out of the way and not embarrass you." Izuku beams at her. "Go on, you give them a call and change out of your uniform. We're having pasta tonight and I don't you to spill."

"Okay! I'll do that now!" He says, bounding out of his chair with his usual well of energy. Before rushing off to call his friends, he runs over and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks Mom! You're the best!" And then he's off, cell phone already out.

Inko chuckles lightly to herself at her son's antics as she continues her dinner. Yes, raising Izuku hasn't been easy and she often wonders if there was more she could have done for her son. But looking at him now, some of those worries fall aside. There's been some stumbles along the way but there's no doubt that Inko brought up a strong, kind-hearted boy. She smiles to herself as she hears him talking in the other room. It's about time other children saw how wonderful her boy was.

[theseadagiodays]

June 14, 2020

Stuck Together

Dresses by Gabrielle C - lemons; Evelyn K - tux; Callan R - Black Lives Matter 

For the past three months, I have so appreciated sharpening my lens towards the creative gestures that this time has inspired.  These musings began with a hunch that artists would play a significant leadership role in the resiliency that such crises require.  While confirmed, my thesis has expanded to recognize that ALL humans are fundamentally wired to be resilient.  And because innovation is a key ingredient of resiliency, people from all walks of life (professional artist or otherwise) have been seeking creative expression to tether them through these uncertain times.  

For example, take these insanely fanciful prom dresses that teenagers around the US have designed in just 48 hours, using 40 rolls of duck tape and no other materials.  I can only imagine to what extent feelings of uncertainty have been exacerbated for these high school seniors, already poised for one of the biggest leaps of their life.  With the possibility of on-campus fall enrollment at new institutions threatened, and stripped of important rituals like graduation ceremonies and grad dances, these youth have had to contend with an abundance of shattered dreams.  So, it was unexpectedly surprising to see the hope, compassion and beauty in the creations that resulted from this year’s Stuck at Prom Duck Tape Challenge.  Browsing the 100’s of jaw-dropping entries on the contest’s website (https://www.duckbrand.com/stuck-at-prom/2020-gallery), there was not a single Covid Sucks, self-pitying design in the bunch.  Instead, you can find tributes to essential workers and Black Lives Matter, mottos of solidarity, and an artful nod to “making lemonade.”  Knowing that our future is in the hands of these thoughtful young people is perhaps the most encouraged I’ve felt during this entire pandemic.

Dress by Peyton M - frontline workers 

June 15, 2020

Covid Commissions

Various WPA Virtual Commissions - see link below

Physical distancing and other economic challenges, resulting from the coronavirus, have taken a huge toll on artists’ livelihood.   Currently, many existing arts grants have been either cut or postponed, in order for governments to reallocate funding towards critical services like health care, transportation and housing.  And while I believe that the arts are as critical as breathing, full-well contributing to our physiological, psychological and self-actualizing needs, they still fall pretty far down most people’s interpretation of Maslow’s hierarchy.

Thankfully, there have been numerous emergency relief funds available to pick up the financial slack for artists.  So, these have provided much needed temporary help to cover living expenses.   But they haven’t necessarily supported the creation of new work.  Fortunately though, some institutions have recognized the essentiality of the arts by putting them front and centre of their funding priorities.   One such organization is the Guggenheim, whose board and donors contributed $150,000 to their Works & Process Virtual Commissioning fund which supported performing artists from a variety of mediums to create up to 5-minute video pieces from home.  Like Cooped, a project I referenced on June 4th, all of the resulting works can be viewed here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJ08rQmWB63RFC3avQF-nDsneUXLrUd4X

As I mentioned earlier, we dabbled in a little commissioning ourselves, during quarantine. And here is the promised finished product by Natalie Warkentin (@morningmusings), the very talented artist of Bloom: A beautiful process of becoming.   Her playful, vibrant piece has made a world of difference to our daily joy, with the inordinant amount of time that we usual out-and-abouters have been spending at home!  And we were also thrilled to learn that it has, indirectly, already led to a second commission for her.

June 16, 2020

Piano Play

In surveying my peers, I’ve noticed that this has been a time for reconnecting with long-lost friends.  As some of these old relationships have resurfaced for me, one of my favorite “icebreakers” has been to ask what new pursuits they’ve enjoyed during this period.  For many, it’s been sourdough starters; others gardening; and some, learning French.  But I’ve also found that many adults are taking up instruments, which makes me extremely happy.  I can’t tell you how many times, throughout my career, after mentioning to a stranger, on a plane or elsewhere, that I was a flutist, they replied “Oh, I wish I played an instrument,” ... almost as if they were already dead.   My habitual response is always to encourage adult music-making, and it’s one of the reasons that the majority of our non-profits’ arts programs target adult populations.  While I fully support early childhood musical and artistic development, I don’t think these opportunities are nearly as lacking as those for “big kids”.  One of my friends, in an effort to brush up on her Grade 4 childhood piano skills, recently asked if I could recommend some playable, accessible pieces in a variety of genres (from film scores to pop to classical).  Since keyboard or piano seems to be the most common new instrument for people to learn later in life (with perhaps only ukulele as a close second), I thought it would be fun to post the list that I shared with her.  Each of the scores, below, is available online, for free or purchasable download, and generally requires the player to use only one finger, in either hand, at the same time.    For a final extra tip: Musescore.com has a 30-day free trial, during which you can download to your heart’s delight!

Regina Spektor The Call (from Chronicles of Narnia)

Sufjan Stevens Mystery of Love (from Call Me By Your Name)

Erik Satie Gymnopedie #1-3, & Le Tango Perpetual

Arvo Part Fur Alina

Olafur Arnalds Tomorrow’s Song

Thomas Neumann Theme from American Beauty

Yann Tiersen Valse d’Amelie

Icelandic pianist, singer/songwriter, Olafur Arnalds

June 17, 2020

Cause and Effect

I love the music of language.  Perhaps it’s why my transition from flutist to writer has felt so natural.  I rarely remember the lyrics to songs, instead hearing the syllables as a collection of phonetic melodies.  I also experience sounds somewhat synaesthetically (synaesthesia being the neurological condition where certain senses, which are not normally connected, join or merge together.  Like certain alphabetic letters being associated with certain tastes, or particular smells being connected to sounds).  For me, musical sonorities have always been strongly linked to specific colors or shapes.  And the geometry of certain words have very distinct and often pleasurable textures when they bounce around my mouth.  Perhaps my favorite example of this is the Buddhist word for the “interconnectedness of all things”: Pratītyasamutpāda. More clearly defined, this term refers to dependent origination, or dependent arising, a Buddhist philosophy which states that all phenomena arise in dependence upon other phenomena.  Simply put, it’s the law of cause and effect.  The far-reaching global butterfly effect of Covid has made all of us keenly aware of this law.  Like never before, we are now considering the consequences of our actions in a myriad of ways: like whether or not to touch a pedestrian crossing button with our hands, scratch our nose when it itches, or hug an aging parent.  So, while the threat of this virus has had huge negative repercussions for many people’s physical and mental health, I can not deny that there is also a positive way in which it has reminded us of our interconnectedness.  Of course, it’s a horrific shame that it took a deadly pandemic to wake us up to they symbiotic nature of all things.   And, for my generation and those younger than me, (particularly in North America and other cultures who have not experienced war or famine or a health epidemic, first-hand, for more than half a century), it may only be global warming that has demanded we truly consider how our behavior impacts the people and environment around us.  However, even the impact of that seems too large and slow for most to fully fathom.  It’s why we still drive like fiends, strangle turtles with our plastics, and fly to Hawaii for weekend getaways (and, of this sin, I shamefully confess I’m guilty too!).  

So, we clearly need all of the reminders we can get, which makes this recent contest I learned about all the more fitting.  There is perhaps no one who has more artfully or playfully illustrated the nature of phenomenological cause and effect than Rube Goldberg.  Maybe you have seen his machines that combine cuckoo clocks, toy rockets, ping pong balls and string in elaborate chains of events that result in a single action.  The band OK Go is famous for music videos crafted around such devices.  And here, you can check out an absolutely brilliant one of theirs, with a message that we all need to hear right now, This Too Shall Pass: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w

Everyday folks have also been trying their hand at making such contraptions, for the sole honor of being named winner of the recent Rube Goldberg Soap Challenge.  And you’ll be amazed at what this Toronto family devised to earn the crown: https://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-tuesday-edition-1.5604697/toronto-family-thrilled-and-a-little-bit-surprised-to-win-rube-goldberg-challenge-1.5604698

June 18, 2020

Sensibility

My Uncle Len, a playwright and educator who has engaged in community arts throughout his career, has been a constant muse for me.  But more than professional expertise, it has been his sensibilities that have served as my true inspiration.  Len defines sensibility as “how we see, what we focus on, affirm and move towards in life.” He is so convinced it is the subject most necessary to study, at this time, that he has written a book about it - his life manifesto, if you will.

Len is simply one of my favorite people on earth.  It’s hard not to adore a guy who decorates his exquisite garden with found objects, runs each of his theatre pieces as benefits for various charities, and tries paddleboarding for the first time at 85.  This is right in keeping with the sensibilities he holds to be most critical in life, “beauty, fairness, and playfulness.”  And while he’s worked on this piece for years, its message could not be more well-timed.  Because, to use his words, imagine how effectively we could deal with pandemics, police brutality, and global warming, “if only everyone was rooting for everyone.”

Len’s Einstein likeness is not lost on anyone.  And he has made him (and his physicist pal, Niels Bohr) the subject of many of his theatre pieces, not because of their scientific prowess but because they are prime models of “beauty, fairness, and playfulness” themselves.  

Like Len’s inspirations, Einstein and Niels Bohr, he possesses the rare ability to find unified principles in seemingly disparate things.  In Sensibility, a child’s wonder for a butterfly is illustrated to be as important an ingredient for the welfare of humanity as the thoughtfulness these giants’ exercised, advising on the development of the atomic bomb.  Through Len’s unique lens, the reader understands fairness from the perspective of a fifth grader dealing with bullying to a physicist harboring Jews in World War II.  We see the critical need for playfulness in everything from driving a junk truck to making a theatre piece.  And now, just as the specter of a dangerous virus is re-awakening our sensibilities to affect social change with unprecedented speed, this book is a perfect tale for the times.  It concludes with the prescient and hopeful story of 1,500 activists, linked hand-in-hand at the Encirclement of Rocky Flats, while they protest a nuclear plant in 1983, ultimately resulting in its shut down.  This exquisite, slender volume is packed with instructions on how to live a compassionate and fertile life.  And the beautiful equation it proposes is: Essential life skills = Mastering a Childlike Quality squared (E=mc2).  

Just released on Amazon, it is now available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Sensibility-Children-Albert-Einstein-Niels/dp/B088B59P9Z/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=sensibility&qid=1591823421&s=books&sr=1-6

June 19, 2020

Comfort with Impermanence

Historically, humans have gone to preposterous lengths to deny and defy their impermanence.  From Egyptian mummies, to cryogenic freezing, to time capsules left for future or alien populations to learn of our legacy.  One such preservationist effort was the Voyager Golden Record - a 12-inch gold-plated copper disk curated by Carl Sagan, and sent to space with the 1979 launch, to portray the diversity of life and culture on Earth to whomever might find it.  In addition to photos of athletes, mathematical formulas, and mothers with child, are recordings of birdsong, speech in 50+ languages, Bach, Chuck Berry, Indigenous songs and Indian ragas.  To judge, for yourself, the accuracy of this audio/visual snapshot of human worth, you can listen to the full playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4D51474AB7BE5595

Despite these attempts to ameliorate our fears about our own mortality, our anxiety persists.  And now, in these particularly uncertain times, with viral stats, regulations and restrictions changing on a daily basis, more than ever, we need tools to help us become more comfortable with impermanence.  

For me, mindfulness meditation is the most expedient way to come to terms with the fundamental truth that all states of being are fleeting and everything is in constant flux.  As we become the Watcher rather than the Doer, we observe that our thoughts and feelings are as fleeting as the phenomena around us.  And simply recognizing and accepting this can actually bring great comfort.   Poet Mary Oliver understood this well, as she describes evocatively in her poem, In Blackwater Woods.

Look, the trees are turning their own bodies into pillars of light, are giving off the rich fragrance of cinnamon and fulfillment, the long tapers of cattails are bursting and floating away over the blue shoulders of the ponds, and every pond, no matter what its name is, is nameless now. Every year everything I have ever learned in my lifetime leads back to this: the fires and the black river of loss whose other side is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know. To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

And so, too, I think it is time to let this blog go.  At least for now.  It feels, in its own way, like a time capsule of a very potent moment in our lives.  And, as that, this infintissimal drop in the bucket of human thought feels complete.  So, while it can seem frightening to be reminded of the speck in the universe that human history truly is, I actually take great solace from understanding our smallness.  On this note, I will return to the same text that consoled me early in lock down.  I also shared this with my dear Uncle Len, whose 87th birthday just happens to be today.  As all people his age, his life has been particularly disrupted by this virus.  But as someone who appreciates physics from the persective of the beautiful dance we all do with each other and the cosmos, he received these words with particular gratitude.   It is a passage from Maria Popova’s March 18th Brainspickings newsletter, published just one day after the world shut down:  

“Meanwhile, someplace in the world, somebody is making love and another a poem.  Elsewhere in the universe, a star manyfold the mass of our third-rate sun is living out its final moments in a wild spin before collapsing into a black hole, its exhale bending spacetime itself into a well of nothingness that can swallow every atom that ever touched us and every datum we ever produced, every poem and statue and symphony we’ve ever known - an entropic spectacle insentient to questions of blame and mercy - devoid of why...The atoms that huddled for a cosmic blink around the shadow of self will return to the seas that made us.  What will survive of us are shoreless seeds and stardust.”  

This final entry is my 64th, a number that has been my favorite since I was a small girl, for its symmetric beauty (8 squared, 4 to the 3rd,  2 to the 5th).  Interestingly, this powerful number is also frequently referenced in spiritual texts and throughout pop culture (the number of generations from Adam to Jesus; the number of “tantras” in Hinduism, the number of squares on a chess board, the number of crayons in the popular Crayola pack, and the number of Hexagons in the I-Ching).  The meaning of Hexagon 64 is “unfinished business.”  Therefore, the story, of course, will go on.  Whatever windswept seedling will take root next, however, I do not yet know...

64th Hexagon combination in the I-Ching

[unfolded73]

This Graceful Path (6/19)

Summary: Emma has just moved in with Mary Margaret and started working as a deputy in the Storybrooke sheriff’s department when she meets Killian Jones, the town’s introverted harbormaster. When a prominent Storybrooke resident is found murdered, Emma tries to juggle solving the case with new friendships, parenthood, and romance. A Season 1 Cursed!Killian AU.

Rating: Explicit per CSBB guidelines (violence, sex); more of an M on unfolded73’s scale. The sex, when we get there, is not extremely graphic in nature. Same with the violence.

Content Warning: This fic contains two major character deaths, one canon and one not. (You’re already past them.)

Total word count: ~ 75,000

Acknowledgements: Thank you to @j-philly-b for betaing this monstrosity. Thank you to @caprelloidea for all of the read-throughs and cheerleading; not sure I could have written it without your excitement early on. Thank you to @teruel-a-witch for the original prompt on tumblr which sparked this fic. Thank you to @pompeiiablaze for the wonderful art which accompanies Chapter 3 and also will accompany later chapters. Thanks to the CSBB mods (@sambethe in particular, who had to look at my check-ins) for your support and for enduring my neuroses.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 – AO3 Link

Chapter 6

The dart left his hand, tracing a perfect arc through the air and landing with a satisfying thunk into the center of the bullseye.

Killian blinked, surprised at the accuracy of the throw. He repeated the motion twice more with the other two darts he held loosely against his stomach with his prosthetic hand. They also landed in the bullseye, one above and one just a hair’s width to the right of the first dart.

A young man on his way to the bathroom  — Killian vaguely recalled his name was Sean — stopped and whistled. “Pretty good, man.”

Giving him a tight smile in return, Killian retrieved the darts and repositioned himself to throw them again. As Sean disappeared around the corner, Killian focused on the bullseye. It seemed to fill his field of vision, the sharp metal edges of the rings strangely bright and in focus. Throwing the darts into the bullseye again was as easy as dropping them into a bucket.

Rather than bringing a smile to his face, a cold chill ran up his spine, and he rushed over to pull the darts from the board before anyone else in the diner noticed his success.

In daylight hours, Killian’s nightmares and hallucinations usually seemed smaller, less significant. He had tried to convince himself that his lifelike imaginings of an infernal creature were a product of his exhausted brain and nothing more. If he could just get a good night’s sleep, he thought, the nightly visitation would go away.

He had taken to stopping in at Granny’s more often, glancing over at Emma and Henry’s accustomed booth and feeling his heart sink a little on the days they weren’t present. Today he had decided to linger at the dartboard in the hope that they might come in late. Killian tried not to think about the reason why he was so preoccupied with seeing Emma Swan.

His patience was rewarded. The door rattled, and Killian turned to see the woman in question entering alone. Emma approached him, holding out her hand for the darts as if this was a routine meeting between the two of them. Her blonde tresses tumbled in soft curls over her shoulders, and as he passed the darts over, he imagined what her hair would feel like sliding through his fingers.

“Where’s your boy?” Killian asked.

“He has an appointment with Dr. Hopper on Wednesdays,” she said as she threw the darts one after the other. Her form needed work, but she wasn’t a bad dart player. He sauntered over and retrieved the darts for himself.

“Are you off work already?” she asked him.

“Aye, there’s a storm coming, and all the fishermen came in early. I’ll go back by the harbor later to make sure nothing’s amiss, but for now…” He shrugged and smiled at her before throwing the darts in a tight cluster around the bullseye. Again. He’d always been good at darts, but this was getting spooky.

“You are insanely good at this,” Emma said as she walked to the dartboard.

Her next throw was a bit wild, and he could see anger in the set of her shoulders. “Picturing anyone in particular when you’re throwing those darts, love?”

Emma grimaced. “Regina has talked Sidney Glass into running against me for sheriff. You’ve probably heard about it. So I’m pretty sure I’m going to lose.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Come on, Killian. I’m new here. My whole checkered past got revealed on the front page of the paper. There’s no way I’m going to win this election.”

“Sidney Glass isn’t the most popular Storybrooke resident, so I think you might stand a chance. If it helps, I plan to vote for you.”

Emma grinned. “Thanks. Hey, maybe no one else will bother to vote and that will win it for me.”

Killian took another turn with the darts, missing the center on purpose with two of them. “Listen, Swan, I’ve been thinking… would you like to go out with me sometime? For a drink, maybe?”

She blinked at him for a few seconds. “Like on a date?”

He rubbed his sweaty palm off on the leg of his jeans. “Yes, exactly like on a date.”

“Oh, Killian.” He could see his ultimate disappointment in the uncomfortable smile on her face. “You’re a nice guy and, you know. Kind of ridiculously good looking. But I don’t really… date. And especially right now, with Henry, and dealing with what happened to Graham, it’s not something I’ve got room for in my life.”

He shrugged, trying to seem unaffected. “It’s quite all right, Swan. Just a fleeting idea.” He went over and pulled the darts out to give himself something to do and tried not to feel too crestfallen.

“I mean technically you are still a murder suspect,” Emma added, but her smile told him she wasn’t really serious.

“Isn’t most of the town made up of potential suspects?” he asked her.

She heaved a sigh. “Yeah. That’s one of my many problems.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Swan,” he said, feeling the need to reassure her, to make her smile again. “A clever and resourceful person like you? You can’t fail.”

Emma’s eyelashes fluttered a little bit at that. “Do you really think so?”

“I do.”

“Thanks.” She gave him a tiny little smile. “I’d better get back to work. I’ll see you around.”

Killian watched her go, and then absently threw the darts at the dartboard before leaving himself. Just as he stepped out onto the street, the sky opened up and rain fell down onto his head in sudden buckets. “Perfect,” he muttered.

~*~

The rum burned its way down his throat. With a small shudder, he gestured to the bartender at the Rabbit Hole to pour him another. The dimly lit bar, permeated with the sour smell of stale beer, was almost empty on this particular weeknight. Killian ran his hand over the thick finish on the wood, index finger unconsciously probing at a cigarette burn in the otherwise unmarred surface.

He waited for the numbness the alcohol brought, the way it would blanket over all of his fears and disappointments with a gauzy nothingness. He couldn’t fall asleep properly anymore, but at least if he drank enough, he could pass out on his bed later in a drunken stupor, and his nightly visitor would not penetrate the alcoholic fog.

Killian flushed with shame at the thought of his conversation with Emma that afternoon. Her embarrassed face before she shot him down was not going to be easily forgotten. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking, that such an intelligent, striking woman would be interested in a man like him. Especially considering that she’d only just met him when she’d decided he might be a murderer. And then he had the audacity to ask her out on a date. With a groan, he dropped his head onto the bar.

“Having a rough night?” a voice to his left asked.

Looking up, Killian was faced with Sidney Glass sliding onto the bar stool next to him. He wore a well-tailored suit, his face shiny with perspiration.

Chuckling, Killian nodded. “You could say that.” He looked down and saw his glass was empty again. He flagged down the bartender.

“Same here,” Sidney said. The bartender came over to fill Killian’s glass, and Sidney ordered a vodka tonic.

“Your campaign for sheriff not going well?” Killian asked him.

“Oh, you heard about that?” Sidney asked. When Killian nodded, Sidney grimaced. “I’m supposed to be writing my speech for tomorrow night right now. Instead, I’m here.”

The bartender put Sidney’s drink in front of him, and Sidney held it up to Killian, who paused before clinking his glass against it.

“Sounds like a tough job,” Killian said. “I don’t envy you.”

Sidney swallowed half of his drink in one long swallow. “At least I have the mayor’s support. Miss Swan will never have that. Even if she wins, the mayor will never stop making her life hell.”

Killian took a deep breath and let it out. “Sure, but Emma’s got the stomach for it, I think. She’s a strong woman. She can go toe-to-toe with a suspect in a grizzly murder and she won’t back down.” He swirled his rum in his glass, considering. “It’s not going to be easy for whoever the sheriff becomes, these next few weeks. There’s a killer on the loose.”

Sidney fidgeted on his stool. “Of course.”

Killian leaned over closer, almost whispering in Sidney’s ear. “A killer who took a knife and plunged it into Mr. Gold over and over again, his heart’s blood gushing out onto the forest floor. Ripping until his entrails spilled out of his body. And now that murderer is out there. Maybe waiting to kill again. Maybe watching the sheriff to see if he gets close. After all, Humbert died, and he seemed to be perfectly healthy before he collapsed.”

Eyes as wide as saucers, Sidney leaned away and pulled at the collar of his shirt as if he couldn’t breathe. “Graham Humbert had a heart condition.”

Killian ran his finger around the rim of his glass and shrugged. “As far as we know, sure.” Standing up, Killian drained the rest of his drink. “Best of luck to you, Mr. Glass.” He threw some crumpled bills down on the polished wooden bar and walked away. It was only much later that he thought to wonder where those horrible words whispered to Sidney Glass had even come from.

~*~

When the townsfolk arrived to listen to the speeches by the two candidates for sheriff, they heard Emma Swan give a speech about her qualifications, how she’d overcome her past and was determined to do her best for the town, and how she intended to bring Mr. Gold’s killer to justice. Then Sidney Gold stood up and the podium and after a long pause, he said only one thing.

“I hereby withdraw from the race for sheriff.”

~*~

Emma awoke to the sound of the door downstairs closing softly. She glanced at the clock: 1:13 a.m. Another late night for Mary Margaret.

Christmas had been a fairly subdued holiday in Storybrooke. Several of the stores had decorated for the season, but there had been no government-sponsored lighting displays, no wreath on the door to the town hall, none of the things that festooned every other small town in America. Emma had thought it was odd but had found it somewhat refreshing not to be inundated with holiday cheer everywhere she’d gone.

With Henry on break from school and presumably confined to his house and Mary Margaret absent from the apartment more frequently than usual, Emma had continued to focus on her job, the job that was now officially hers: Sheriff of Storybrooke. She had returned to the crime scene and poked around in the dirt, continued to pore over Gold’s real estate and financial records, interviewed the few people who had ever made a late payment in rent to Gold, but everything was a dead end. She had even searched the pawn shop, and had been quickly overwhelmed with its seemingly infinite stock of strange items.

Christmas itself had come and gone with little fanfare; she’d exchanged gifts with Mary Margaret and the two of them had shared a big pancake breakfast and then had settled in on the sofa together to watch bad TV. Throughout the day, Emma had eyed the brightly colored wrapping paper on the gift she’d gotten for Henry, unsure of when to give it to him.

Now staring at the ceiling above her bed, Emma knew she needed to mind her own business, that what Mary Margaret did was not her concern. But in spite of her better judgment, she let curiosity get the better of her and found herself getting out of bed and going down the stairs to greet her roommate.

“Oh!” Mary Margaret exclaimed, her hand flying to her chest when Emma appeared. “You scared me; I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“The door woke me up.” She took in Mary Margaret’s smudged mascara and lack of lipstick, and the way her cardigan sweater was askew on her shoulders like it had been quickly pulled back on. “And no offense, but you could not look more well-fucked right now if you tried.”

“Oh God.” Mary Margaret covered her face. “Is it that obvious?”

“A little, but that’s okay. Also, it’s none of my business,” Emma said, wrinkling her nose. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Actually, would you mind staying up for a minute? I could really use a friend to talk to.”

“Sure.” Emma followed her and flopped down on her back on Mary Margaret’s colorful quilt-covered bed, watching as her roommate took her earrings out and dropped them in a jewelry box. Her bedside lamp cast a soft glow over the space, and Emma yawned. “I assume it’s not Victor Whale who’s keeping you out at all hours.”

Mary Margaret shook her head. “You know who it is.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s David.”

“Yeah, I figured that. I saw the way you looked at each other when you stopped by the sheriff’s station last week.”

“How did we look?”

Emma snorted. “Like you were about to devour each other whole.”

Mary Margaret pulled her sweater off and sank onto the bed, pulling her knees up. “Oh.”

“So what happened to him trying to work things out with his wife?”

Tears filled Mary Margaret’s eyes. “He says he’s in love with me, and I… Emma, I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. He’s… being with him is like coming home.”

“Oh, man. You’ve got it bad.”

“I know.” She wiped a tear from her face in frustration. Emma got the sense that she’d cried a lot of tears over David already. “He’s going to leave his wife, he just needs to wait for the right time. It’s tricky right now because—”

Emma sat up quickly. “Mary Margaret, are you listening to yourself? You sound like a cliche. You sound like Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally. Look, I like David, and he doesn’t seem like a bad person. Clearly, he’s been through a lot, what with the coma and all, and it’s not that I don’t think his feelings for you are real. But that doesn’t mean he’s not going to end up hurting you. And the longer you continue this affair with him, the more hurt you’re going to be.”

She wiped away another tear. “On second thought, maybe I don’t want to talk about this,” Mary Margaret said in a near-whisper.

Reaching out and taking her hand, Emma tried to give a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry. I know you love him, and I really do hope things work out.”

“You just think it’s unlikely they will,” Mary Margaret said with a sniffle.

“Anything’s possible.” Trying to lighten the mood, Emma added, “Hey, at least someone in this apartment is getting some.”

Mary Margaret responded with a watery laugh. “You’re working too hard, especially since the election.” She traced the seams of the quilt on her bed. “Ruby mentioned that you’d been talking to Killian Jones in the diner a lot recently.”

“Ruby needs to mind her own business.”  

“Not much chance of that. So there’s nothing going on there?”

“Nope.” Emma watched as Mary Margaret narrowed her eyes. “He asked me out, but I said no. I don’t want to date him.”

“Why not? I always thought he seemed nice. And he’s…” She raised her eyebrows.

“Insanely hot?” The two women shared a smile. “I know. But seriously, I don’t date. And even if I did, I don’t think I would date Jones. He has issues.”

“We’ve all got issues, Emma, us included.” Mary Margaret slapped her hands down on her knees and shook her head back and forth quickly. “Do you know what we need, and soon? A girl’s night.”

~*~

“More shots all around!” Ruby gestured to their waitress, a wide grin on her face.

“I don’t know if I can drink with you like we used to, Ruby, my tolerance is shit after having the baby,” Ashley said.

“I’ll have yours, then. Or the sheriff will, right Emma?”

Emma took a swig from the beer bottle clutched in her hand and shrugged. She was trying to stick to beer because she figured she couldn’t get herself into too much trouble that way. The Rabbit Hole was crowded tonight, and she was sure not a few people had clocked that their newly elected sheriff was sitting among them, so she really needed to be on her best behavior. But the evening had that feeling to it, she thought as she watched Mary Margaret expertly pour the contents of a shot glass into her open throat, Ashley giggling and Ruby hooting and making a ‘raise the roof’ gesture with her upturned hands. That feeling that more often than not led to fuzzy memories and stumbling attempts to get home. She'd never had this many friends before, and it was making her feel good and a little bit reckless.

“I’m so sick of being needed all the time,” Ashley was saying. “Sean is working two jobs, and I’m spending more time with his laundry than I do with him. And the baby, I mean I love my baby, but babies need you every minute of every day. It’s like my body isn’t my own, you know?”

Emma looked down at the table, focusing on the wood grain and not of the fact that she most decidedly did not know because she’d given her baby away. Desperate for something to distract her, she downed the contents of the shot glass in front of her.

“Doesn’t sound any worse than being needed by Granny all the time,” Ruby said. “I’m basically on-call 24/7; I almost never get a break. And nothing I do is ever good enough for her.”

“No one you do is ever good enough for her,” Ashley supplied, giggling into her rum and coke.

“I don’t want to talk about sex or men,” Mary Margaret said.

“Who says I limit myself to sex with men?” Ruby said, her teeth flashing between red lips. “But fine, okay, what do you want to talk about?”

“Any progress figuring out who killed Mr. Gold?” Ashley asked Emma.

“I’m not really supposed to talk about that… but fuck it, there’s not really anything to talk about. No, I haven’t made any progress. My half hour of interrogating Mo the flower shop owner led me to the groundbreaking discovery that he’s been seeing Mrs. Hendricks who runs the bakery in town.”

“He has?” Ruby said, rubbing her hands together. “I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t hear it from me,” Emma said. “The point is, I have no leads, and Regina wants to have my head on a platter for it. I mean, she wanted that already, but now she really wants it.”

“You’ll figure it out, Emma,” Mary Margaret said.

“Do you think I could get an uninterrupted night of sleep in prison? Because if so, I’ll confess right now,” Ashley said.

“How’s school, M. M.?” Ruby asked, sipping her drink through the tiny stir-straw.

“You know, it’s weird. My students have been really… different lately.”

Emma frowned, thinking about the fact that Henry was among her students. “Different how?”

“I don’t know, I can’t really explain it. I have this feeling that they’re changing, and I need to adjust my curriculum to keep up. It’s like things that have worked for me for years aren’t working anymore.”

“Ooh, look who just walked in, Emma,” Ruby said, excitedly kicking her under the table. Emma turned to look and saw Killian sit down at the bar.

“So what?” Emma responded, trying to keep her features blank, and ignoring the fact that her heart rate picked up a bit at the sight of him.

“Come on. He comes into the diner way more than he used to now that you’re there on your afternoon breaks. I can tell he’s disappointed when you don’t show. Sometimes he plays darts and oh-so-unsubtly watches the door until you show up. He really likes you.”

Emma snuck a glance at him again and then turned back to the table. “I’ve been with guys like that before. Full of angst and self-loathing, usually with a dark secret and a drinking problem. No thank you.”

“A Byronic hero,” Mary Margaret offered before taking a sip of her drink. The other women looked at her blankly. “It’s a literary archetype.”

“Whatever, he’s hot and he’s into you,” Ruby said, refusing to be derailed. “If he’s trouble, then use him and lose him.”

“That’s easier said than done in Storybrooke. I’m trying to be an upstanding person for my kid, I can’t go around having one-night stands with people, not with the way everyone is all up in everybody else’s business in this town.”

“Yeah, for instance, I just heard Mo is dating Mrs. Hendricks,” Mary Margaret said with a smirk.

“Shut up. My point is, I’m not going to sleep with, date, or in any way encourage Killian Jones. It’s not happening.” If she glanced at him a few more times during the night, admiring the way his ass filled out his tight jeans, well, you couldn’t blame a girl for appreciating the view, she told herself.

Chapter 7

[fabulusshitposting]

My 2017 in a Nutshell

So I wanted to make a post were I put everything that happened during the year into one post. This is more for my sake than as a post so you can just skip over it if you want. It also probably gonna be long as fuck.  Oh and im also gonna include my new years wishes at the bottom.

January

So, I actually don't remember alot. Just that, I was starting a new semester. And afterschool theatre rehearsals for the musical I was in (Annie Jr) had started. And as per usual, my parents went "Why are you still going to theatre rehearsals, I thought we discussed it would end" and as per usual I reply "Mom, I'm in the class. Like literally, it is my class. You've seen my schedule."

February

This was the month that we perform Annie Jr. On the 14, we performed it for about 800 elementary school students who came to our school as a field trip to watch it (I also got to miss the day of school, so that was fun). My role was Pepper the Orphan. I had so much fun. And it was the biggest role I had yet, a supporting role. And I loved it. And performing for the little children was so fun because we got to hear the reactions and laughs and it was incredible. (In the picture below, I am the one on the far right)

March

During spring break, on March 17, Markiplier livestreamed some "Oxygen Not Included". I had started watching an hour into the stream and so I kept it up while I did other stuff. During it Mark say it would be great if someone made a huge form of game suggestions because everyone had been suggesting games in the comments. So I do that and post it on tumblr. One or two people pop up on it and I expected that much since I had a few Tumblr followers. Then like 50 pop up and then I was like "AHHHHH, What is happening!?" in my head. I check my phone and Mark had reblogged it. Then a few days later since I had seen Ethan (CrankGamePlays) looking for games too I made one for him and he retweeted it.

I was run crew for our musical "Guys and Dolls", this was also quite fun but that added to make March more busy for me. And I have to say one of the main things that kept me motivated to stay on top of things for the end of that school year was the fact Mark and Ethan reblogged and retweeted my thing. So Thank You for that.

April

This is my birthday month, so I turned 16 on the 24th! This month was pretty normal. It was also when we started all those reviews for the end of the year exams and finals.

May

This month school ended! I finished school. But I got a letter in the mail for credit recovery because I got a D in AP World History. The moment I saw this, it made my heart drop because holy shit how was I suppose to tell my parents that.

June

So I did my credit recovery and replaced that D with an A in just four short days. About 2 weeks later I got really sick. I was sick in bed with high fevers for a straight week and lost 10 pounds in that week too. 

July

This month was pretty normal too. I watched fireworks during the forth of July and went to the beach for a few days. And at the end of the month I got new clothes for school.

August 

So this month is when school started again. The day before school I threw up. Multiple times. And got zero sleep that night too because I was throwing up. Although I didn’t think much of it and still went to school the next day. (I also may have almost fallen asleep in my AP Environmental Science class but shhhhhh, I’ve already almost fallen asleep and have slept in that class multiple times this year. It’s not my fault the teacher has such a monotone voice)

Although I started to notice that as a few days past I still felt really nauseous every time I ate something. I would feel nauseous all day. So I go to the doctor and they say “Oh its probably Gastritis that got triggered from a stomach bug. Just eat bland foods and if it doesn’t go away in two weeks come back.” So I went back after 3-4 weeks. (Trying to find an appointment made it longer.)

I also join a knew discord server on August 19th that had some pretty cool and fantastic people on it.

September

I go back to the doctor during this month and she calls for some blood tests. Although the results for that got delayed a bit because of Hurricane Irma (I live in Tampa, Florida) When they did come back. Everything was mostly normal but my SedRate was a 72. I was told the normal was suppose to be a 20, soooo you can see the problem there. Anyways after a few more of these test to make sure it wasn’t an error I was scheduled for an endoscopy.

Also during this month Mark put his tour tickets on sale for “Markiplier’s You’re Welcome Tour” and my mom let me buy a couple for me and my sister. I payed for most of it with money I had saved up since I covered $200 of the total $285 cost.

Also during this time I was doing relatively well in school. And helped out a bit with the set building for my school’s straight show. (Barefoot in the Park)

October

I got my endoscopy done and there was nothing visually wrong but I did find out I was Lactose Intolerant. So they scheduled an Ultrasound. They also put me on a new stomach med that helped out immensely. But my parents weren’t too happy with this because 1- They thought that me being lactose intolerant was BS since I’ve been able to drink milk all my life. and 2- That I was too young to be taking everyday meds.

During the entire month though I was also stressing out about grades because report cards came out near the end of the month. 

I was also on Run Crew for our One Acts during this time.

So Mark’s tour was on the 14. The day before it I wanted to discuss the schedule we would have for the day. But my dad then goes “OH and why should I even take you in the first place. You have bad grades (I had mostly As and Bs). You know what, you’re not going” Of course this hurts me immensely since I had been hoping to go see it for so long. I had asked my mom back in June that if they came to Florida could I go see it. Those wonderful kind people I knew in the discord server I was in were nice enough to comfort me. And after about 2 hours my mom comes in and tells me she talked to my dad and that I would be going.

Anyways I go to the tour and by some insane chance of luck, I get chosen to go on stage and participate during the tour. I’ll include some pictures below that this kind person there had taken and talked to me after to send them to my email. I also have this video .

(look at Bob’s face in the back of this one tho)

November 

This month was pretty normal and relatively happy actually. School was fine for the most part. I had fantastic time with irl friends and online discord friends. I had Thanksgiving break that was also fine for the most part. I also had my ultrasound and everything was fine and normal but the accidental found a cyst on my Kidney. They said it was fine since it was small, but they did want to do another ultrasound in 6 months to make sure it didn’t get bigger.

December 

This month is when review and studying started up for midterm exams so I was worrying about those. But I ended up with mostly As and Bs so I’m personally happy (although my parents not so much, since I got yelled and fucking torn down verbally for getting a B on my math midterm)

This was also the time when deposit money was due for the trip my theatre planned to go to New York. I ha already talked to my mom and she said it was fine but my dad said no and that it was stupid and bullshit and that I shouldn’t go anywhere because I apparently am not a good daughter. So my mom gave me the deposit money and I turned that in but then I got yelled at more and more by my dad and then it just back and forth between my parents so I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and pulled out. I couldn’t take my hopes for going to New York being crushed over and over. I actually don’t know if my mom has realized that yet. oh well.

And then we had a half assed Christmas because finals lasted up until a few days before Christmas and its usually up to me and my sister to put up decorations and stuff for Christmas. So Christmas wasn’t fun, for me at least.

So that has been my 2017 year. I think its normal as usual. The only thing that has changed is that I got yelled at more this year. And my new year wishes or resolutions or whatever the fuck you call them are the same as they have been for the past 5 years.

I hope I get yelled at less. I hope I can do something I enjoy and have my parents actually support me for once since most of the time they only support me when its something they like. I wish my life can be something I want. (But you know its probably not gonna happen. Like why do I even bother trying anymore.)

I am going to try to be better daughter too since apparently I’m never good enough too.

I just decided to do this so that maybe I can idk look back on it during next new years eve. If you actually took the time to read my shitty post about my shitty self. well then, idk what to say. 

[la-appel-du-vide]

02•19•20 - QUEENSTOWN

This morning was a crazy one. We woke up later than planned, and by the time we left for the airport, we were supposed to already be there. And THEN the TRAFFIC. We hit rush hour completely, and were in a line of cars five miles long. Insta-stressed. We waited, and waited, and waited, and we were convinced we’d miss the flight. We moved 10 feet in 20 minutes. There was an empty lane to the left of us, that said “Transit Lane – T3 from 6:30 AM-10:00 AM” and we weren’t sure what it meant, but we decided to risk it and assume it was a carpool lane, so we took it. We FLEW past all of the traffic, and were on the freeway in a matter of minutes. Cut our drive time to the airport down from 32 minutes to like 14. Come to find out later, that was definitely against the law. T3 means you have to have at least 3 people in your car to use that lane. Oops. It was an honest, risky, mistake. But it was honestly the only thing that saved us making that flight.

We didn’t even have time to refuel our rental car, so we had to drop it off knowing we’d have to pay a bunch extra for gas as a result. But it was either that, or miss the flight. You do what you gotta do! Turns out, this whole car rental has been a nightmare. A couple days later, we were charged $667 for this dumb car. We tried to ask the Budget office in Queenstown what had gone wrong, as we were quoted somewhere around $450, and realized we had ZERO paperwork from Budget Auckland to prove there was even a contract. They didn’t offer us paperwork, they didn’t email us paperwork…. So frustrating. And they spent almost an hour looking for the rental in their system before they eventually found it. What a waste of time and money. We are going to try and dispute the insane charges, but we’re doubtful it will get better. UGH. PSA – Rent your cars super far in advance, from refutable companies, and GET ALL THE PAPERWORK. TAKE LICENSE PLATE PHOTOS. SO. DONE.

Flying into Queenstown – it looked absolutely beautiful!! So green, so many mountains, shining lakes… little did I know that this would become my favorite city of the entire trip. We landed and picked up our final rental car, and walked out into the fresh Queenstown air. As happy as I was to be there, my stomach was also a bit in knots, because this was BUNGY DAY. I’d been denial about bungy jumping the entire trip, and kept pushing the thought of it into the back of my mind during this day as well.

We weren’t able to check into our Airbnb early, or even drop off our stuff, so we just had to take it with us downtown. We parked and started walking through the cute streets, looking for a place to have lunch. It reminded me so much of Park City, but bigger, and with a gorgeous body of water (not sure if it’s a lake or the ocean or what, but regardless…. Stunning). We had some churros, and ate lunch at one of the 200 restaurant options in the area. And then… it was go time.

So here’s the thing – I also thought I would never bungy jump hahaha. But when you’re in New Zealand, home of the original commercial bungy jump, and home of bungy jumping in general, you just have to do it. We drove 20 minutes up to the Kawarau Bridge, where commercial bungy jumping was started on the bridge after it was closed to traffic. It was the perfect day to do it – I SUPPOSE – because the sun was shining, the water below was the most beautiful of blue, and there were large crowds watching and cheering everybody on.

It’s not that I’m afraid of heights, they’re really fine by me, but more the concept of going head-first that had me hesitant to do it. So I took it in steps. Booked the jump a few months back, but hey! That doesn’t mean I have to go through with it. Drove to the bridge, but hey again! Still don’t have to do it! Got checked it – but could still back out. Got the equipment on – doesn’t mean I have to jump! You get the point. I was in denial up until the point I flung myself from the platform. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We got there about an hour early, and since they’re so busy, we just had to wait it out. We sat out on the viewing deck, watching people jump one after another. Ironically, watching them jump made me less nervous. It looked fun – once you get yourself off the platform! The best part was watching the old people do it! I knew that if they could be that brave – so could I hahaha. The record age is 91!! Wow.

When we checked in, they had to check our weight so many times – which is comforting to know that they want to be certain they have everything right to keep you safe. I wanted to go first, so that I’d have Beach with me up at the top for encouragement. I was way more nervous than she was. The problem was, they ended up splitting us up at the top anyway into two separate lines, so I couldn’t even talk to her if I wanted to! Rude. (; Another problem, I had to tuck my shirt into my bra so that I didn’t flash everyone while I was falling haha. Not exactly the look I was going for, but better than the alternative (;

When it was my turn, they had me sit down so they could wrap the towels and harness around my ankles. It was tight, and I was freaking out, but trying to stay calm. The guy in front of me was absolutely freaking out, but they were able to talk him through it and get him to jump. They said he was the 113th jumper that day, making me the 115th, and that no one had had any problems, and we would be just fine. That’s also comforting. He also told me only about 1% of people end up backing out at the last second, and I knew I couldn’t be one of those people.

He asked if I wanted to do a water touch and I said yes. He gave me two choices: A – he goes conservative and I might touch the water or I might not or B – he makes sure I touch the water, but there’s a chance my whole head goes in too. For some crazy reason, I chose B. Who am I?!?

Then I stood up, and shuffled my way over to the edge, trying to stay cool and collected – but yeah, I was freaking out hahaha. He counted down from five, told me to keep my chin down and my arms up, and then told me to jump. I’m honestly shocked that I jumped at the first count of five. I never do that. I think I just wanted the anxiety to be OVER. But I was brave, and there I went.

WHAT AN ADRENALINE RUSH. I’ve done a lot of things, but this tops the charts for the most insane adrenaline rush, and most terrifying experience, of my entire life. That free fall was insane – the water is coming at you so fast, and before you know it you get ripped upside down and snapped back like a rubber band. I DID touch the water, but only a little bit with my hands, so that’s ideal. My body was in a state of chaos, getting flip-flopped around like a rag doll. But I absolutely remember flying back up and standing straight up vertically somehow, and thinking that this was not what was supposed to be happening hahaha. No worries, I got absolutely ripped back the other direction in no time, but what a sensation.

It was actually such a blast. What a cool thing to do in such a gorgeous place. Then you have to grab onto a pole, and get pulled down into a little life raft at the bottom. Weird to be suspended upside down while they unhook you. I was QUAKING when I got into the boat. My muscles were all just shaking, probably from all the adrenaline.

They dropped me off at shore, and I got to watch Beach jump! Fun to see her do it – she was also so brave and went for it without hesitation. She told me that she had a moment where her heart stopped and she genuinely thought she was going to die during that free fall, and I could tell by her face when she landed in the boat that she was actually SHOOK. I’ve never seen something affect her like that, so that was freaking awesome hahaha.

We felt SO ACCOMPLISHED! Live more, fear less!!

We went and collected our photos and videos, which are awesome, and then hung out to watch a few more jumpers and relax. We had the best iced chocolates in the world (basically glorified Nesquik with ice, but it freaking slaps) and were absolutely on cloud nine the rest of the afternoon.

We drove back into town for dinner, and stumbled upon a massive line of people out the door. I stopped and asked someone what they were waiting for, and she let us know that Fergburger had been named the best burger in the world, and that there was never a time that people weren’t lined up out the door to try one. I’m not really a burger person, but who can say no to that? We jumped in line to find out if it lived up to the hype. Not gonna lie – it was a pretty good burger. Great sauce, great flavor, and I added avocado to mine so that always makes everything better. Who knew we’d try the best burger in the world today too!

Ended a fun, crazy day with dessert down by the water – and determined that Queenstown is absolutely perfect, in every possible way.

[princeyandanxiety]

The "ask me things" ask - all of them!!! Or if that's too insane, do the first 20 and the last 20 :p

The answers are short bc i was rushing them haha but ill put em under the read more

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

… I would be very, very freaked out. Words would not be said. Only screaming.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I saw him last month. No offense, but he cannot write a decent speech.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depending on the drug, it’d vary from “please just make sure you’re safe” to “oh god how do i convince you that this is a bad idea [panicky pharmacist daughter vibrating]”

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

[counts letters on fingers] yes!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyep

7. What does your last received text say?

“Ok, see you next week. Thanks. :)”8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Once.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Kindergarten classroom. In my primary school.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

[checks time] uh like an hour ago?

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water or cinnamon orange tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They’re a lot of work, but they’re ultimately a choice that both people have to make. I’d like to hope that they’re ultimately worth it.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Mostly test results.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

“Oh, hey, we haven’t talked in like 6 years. How’s life?”

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Lmao fuck no.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pj pants!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Yes. Because I’ll have finished my HSC.

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No. Only an A, a T, and another A.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

[shrugs[

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

There are multiple. Be more specific.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yeah but I’m a fucking wuss haha I’d probs pass out from the pain or something.

25. In the past week have you cried?

I cried like 9  hours ago lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

TOY POODLE!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Who the fuck dries themself in the shower? It’s all watery in there. Foot mats exist for a reason.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

nnnnnnnnnnnnnope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Sometimes i feel a little old, but I know that I’m still pretty damn young

30. Do you like text messaging?

Lmao I prefer it to calling that’s for damn sure. I dont actually text all that much tho. Mostly because the people i’d text have free messenger services anyway. That or the bill for texting them would be pretty fuckin pricey.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s on the better side of neutral.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Nooooo thanks. I got my ears pieced when I was like 3 and that was enough for me!

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Mildly cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yes! He’s been my friend since kindergarten haha

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship because i am a massive romantic (whICH REMINDS ME-)

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Is anyone actually simple? Like really? There are always so many different parts to one person, so many intricacies and contradictions, good and bad, that they might not even think about.

… so im probably a more complicated person haha.

37. What song are you listening to?

Nice2KnoU by All Time Low i love it sooooo muuuuuuch38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, yeah.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Ooooooh yeah. They probably have the most power to wreck me lmao.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Okay in my defense I didn’t realise I actually liked them until my brain was like “lmao what if you had a crush on this person” and I was like “oh. oh fuck. I actually do have a crush on them” but i think it was a few things. they always make me smile, and they don’t mind that i can be a clingy motherfucker. They’re also funny and super sweet, and they have such an amazing mind and personality. Tbh im not entirely surprised that i fell for them because when i click with someone as well as i initially did with them i tend to develop feelings pretty quickly from there.

41. When did you last receive a text message?5:14 pm

42. What is wrong with you right now?Do you have the time to hear the answer to that?

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Eh. She’s a  teacher.

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Unfortunately, no, probably not.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?{come back to this}

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My mum

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black. Like my soul.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah. Myself.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

… yes because he turned out to be a dick.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?See above.

53. Do you like rain?I frikkin’ love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really. I’d only be really worried if it was unhealthy levels of drinking.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

… Lmao I always tend to admit it eventually, I think. A few times I’ve been like “oh yeah, I used to have a crush on you haha” 56. Do you like to cuddle?

Never… actually… cuddled before...

57. Are you shy?

Eh, it depends. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I tend to get along better with girls than guys tbh but when I was younger I always had a lot of girl cousins and at primary school it was always pretty divided between boys and girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Fuck. no.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

… maybe. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I sure as hell hope I can

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Ahhh, the beginning of HSC. I was so young then. So hopeful.

Too bad my soul has been squashed. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

… Bells has just passed out from thinking about this please leave a message after the beep *beeeeep*65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

My friend did really well on an important test and she was super happy about it haha

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

Between 17 and 18.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    I like doing my own nails but tbh I *really* wanna get them done one day.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

How about neither????69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    Nah

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    Who?

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    Android!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Fuck if I know lmao73. Do you like diet soda?    

Ew no74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Varying shades of purple

75. Are you 16 or older?    Yep!

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    Nope!

77. Do you have a job?    

Double nope!  78. What are your initials?    

Identification.79. Did you ever have braces?    

Got ‘em right now haha80. Are you from the south?    

I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER so technically yeah

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    “How does a worried Hispanic person count to three?Uno, dos, stress.”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    Lol no I don't even know if he's alive

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Mum :)84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I did gymnastics in kindergarten!

I hated it.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Probably Moana?86. Do you smoke?   

Nah 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

THONGS M888. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

My hair is straight than I am most of the time.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    Haha no.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Pool   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    Nope

93. …Had sex in a car?    Double nope

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    Single!

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    Sleeping like a baby

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  

In person? A few years, now.  

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   Yes. because i have a samsung galaxy s7 now. My s3 had the picture quality of a potato.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    THREE MORE MONTHS. But no not yet

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    Uh theres one person that i’ve been holding a grudge against for fucking ever but other than that no?

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? … look bayer and bayer would be getting sued if i was pregnant.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    C’mon

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Nah its winter so im all long shirts and knee socks rn   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? 

Idk maybe

[jishwatylrandtop]

Perfect-A Josh Dun Imagine

Based off of Ed Sheeran’s song Perfect. Check it out my frens it’s pretty sick. I’ll get on with it. Hope you enjoy.

TW: slight cursing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Josh had been best friends since you were little. You’ve been attached at the hip ever since he punched the kid that pushed you over and yanked your pigtails in first grade. You went to the same junior high and high school as well, and everywhere you guys went you always got the same question, “Why aren’t you two dating yet?”

At first it always bothered you because you and Josh were best friends and nothing more, and you couldn’t understand why society couldn’t just accept that guys and girls could be friends and nothing more. You were his wingwoman. always helping score dates or kisses with his crushes by talking him up to all the girls or distracting other boys. seduction seemed to be one of your greatest skills, as Josh once mentioned after you would willingly stick your tongue down a guys throat as a distraction. Over time, though, the question bothered you less and less.

Things got harder during college when you went to Ohio State and Josh stayed at home, but you always met up on weekends and days you weren’t stuck with shittons of homework. You were both in the same city, but heading on different paths, but despite that you two were still as close as ever. Soon, however, he got into twenty one pilots, and the friendship went worldwide. It hurt that your best friend was so far away, but whenever he got back in town, you were always the first on his list.

That brings you to now, sitting on Jenna’s couch waiting for the boys to come home while reminiscing about your elementary escapades with Josh while Jenna laughs out of pure entertainment while you retold the story of the previously mentioned make-out distraction which Josh calls ‘the seduction expedition.’ His words not yours.

“So you actually made out with this random dude from your class just so Josh could get some action, really Y/N?”

“We were freshmen, Jen. Would you have rather I strip tease as a distraction?” you laughed at Jenna’s reaction.

“OH gosh no!” She yelled while gasping for breath.

“Could you imagine, Jenna?” you began “little 14 year old me with no tits stripping to help my best friend score?” You both broke into hysterics again only to be interrupted by the doorbell.

“Y/n could you get that I have to grab something to show you.”

“Sure Jen.” You drag yourself off the couch and to the door. Opening the door while shout back at Jenna “Just wait ‘til you hear about Josh falling out of a tree to get a girl’s attention.” You chuckle to yourself turning back to the door. “Oh Tyler. Sorry I was just telling your wife embarrassing stories about our best friend.”

“It’s alright” he chuckles as he pulls you in for a hug. “It’s good to see you again.” You step aside and allow him in.

“Jen it’s for you” you call for Jenna, and she comes bolting down the stairs, and flings herself into her husbands arms. They hug for nearly a minute before they let go, and even then they just stare at each other. Feeling awkward for interrupting you decide to take your leave. “uh, sorry to interrupt this beautifully tearful reunion, but I’ll head out so you two have some alone time.”

“No please, y/n” Tyler begins “I would love to hear all the embarrassing things Josh did before I knew him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He didn’t?” Tyler giggled at the latest story about yours and Josh’s escapades. 

“He did! He jumped in the 5 degree water because he was trying to impress his crush.” You wheezed while you thought about the look on his face when he jumped in. You smiled to yourself.

“Did it work?” Jenna asked from her spot on Tyler’s lap.

“No that’s the best part. She was so unimpressed.” 

“Did it impress you?” Tyler asked, smirking for a reason unknown to you. 

“A little. I never would’ve done it.” You clutched your stomach, the three of you flailing around with laughter. You were happy with Tyler and Jenna, but you felt a hole because your best friend was missing. 

“You okay y/n?”

“Yeah, Ty. Just missing Josh s’all.” You shrug. “Where is he anyway?” 

“He had a rough couple of nights the past couple of weeks.” Tyler replied. “I’m sure he’s just catching up on sleep. He’ll visit soon.” 

“Is he okay? What happened?” 

“His anxiety spiked, but he’s okay. Calm down y/n”

“I know I’m sorry. I’m just worried about him ‘cause–”

“Cause you’re in love with him.” Tyler finished for you. 

“I-I’m” you stuttered shocked at the accusation. “I’m not in love with Josh. Are you insane?”

“Think about it y/n.” There you sat, thinking about Josh and how he is the only source of light in your life. You think about his smile and his crinkly eyes and his laugh. You think about the times when you hang out together, and how at those times it’s like nothing else matters. You think about all your romantic relationships and how none of them have worked, and you think about the cause and how none of them have made you feel like the way that Josh made you feel.

“Oh my God I’m in love with Josh.”

“Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Tyler you owe me five bucks.” 

“Guys this isn’t a joke! What do I do?” 

“You love him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You go home after a couple of hours with Tyler and Jenna. The revelations taking their toll on you, and as soon as you get home you fall on your couch and fall asleep. 

You wake again, a couple hours later to an incessant and annoying pounding. You check your phone, noting the 3:00 shining back at you. The knocking continues, realizing its the door, you stand, fix your hair, straighten the dress you fell asleep in, and head to the door. “Who the fuck is at my door at 3 in the fucking morning?” you mumble on your way to the door. “What the fuck-Oh Josh?” 

“Y/n!” He grabs you by the waist and pulls you into a hug. Oh how you missed his hugs. “I’ve missed you so much.” 

“I missed you too, Jishy.” You pull back. “What brings you here at this ungodly hour where no one should be standing let alone awake.” You giggle.

“Sorry,y/n. I know its late, or early, or…whatever, but I’m awake and jet-lagged as hell, but most importantly I missed my best friend. Come on, let’s go.” 

“Jish, it’s 3 am. Where could we possibly go? Nothing’s open.”

“I planned a picnic come on.” He smiles that crinkly smile, and your resolve disappears. 

“Alright, Jishy. Let me get my shoes.” You run upstairs to your bathroom to fix your makeup and hair. Grabbing your shoes, you rush downstairs and out the door, locking it behind you, and to Josh’s car. 

“Buckle up, buttercup.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Josh drive outside of town to a field on the edge of a forest. He pulls out a couple of blankets, a picnic basket, and a small speaker. “Josh this place is beautiful how’d you find it?” He sets a blanket down, and places the basket and speaker down on top of it. Plugging in his phone, he turns on his music turns toward you. 

“I found it a while ago when I needed to sort through some things in my head. I thought it was pretty refreshing.” 

“It wonderful” you said as you stared at the stars. There was little light pollution over the field so you could multitudes of stars, something you always loved to see. 

Josh stared right at you, “It sure is.” 

Unaware of his gaze you turn to the picnic. Slipping off your shoes and taking a seat, you begin to pull out the contents of the basket. “Hey drummer boy, are you gonna join me, or am I going to have to eat this dessert feast by myself?” 

“I’m coming, princess, calm down.” You laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josh’s POV

Y/n and I spend the next hour and a half laughing, talking, reminiscing all while stuffing our faces with all different kinds of desserts. Y/n was in the middle of retelling a story about a hobo who she found chasing a rat when the song playing through the speaker caught her attention.

“I found a love for me.  Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead. Well I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. I never knew you were the someone waiting for me.”

“Oh my gosh I love this song.” She stood and began to twirl and sway to the music. 

I watched her dance lightly, unable to keep my love for her from showing on my face. Luckily, she didn’t notice. She just danced and danced to the music playing from my phone. “I know. You wouldn’t shut up about it. It’s all you talked about.” I replied. She stopped and stared at me. Her y/e/c eyes met mine, and I felt my heart speed up a little. God, she was beautiful. 

“Dance with me” was all she said. Pulling me to my feet and bringing my hands to her waist, we slowly rocked to the music playing softly from my speaker. 

“’Cause we were just kids when we fell in love not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time But darling just kiss me slow Your heart is all I own And in your eyes you’re holding mine”

“Can I tell you something?” she whispered looking up at me through her eyelashes. She took my breath away. God, why couldn’t I just tell her how in love with her I am. 

“Yeah.” I whispered back. I don’t know why we were whispering, it just felt right, like we didn’t want to ruin whatever moment we were trapped in

“I was with Ty and Jenna earlier, and I realized something” she began  “something that could change everything.” She glanced to our feet, blushing. 

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms barefoot on the grass listening to our favorite song”

“Give me a second this is hard for me.” She let out a breath. “This thing has always been there, you know, and it really didn’t hit me til today…god, I’m a mess.” She let out a breathy laugh, playing with her fingers that were linked on the back of my neck. Why was she nervous. 

“When you said you looked a mess I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it Darling, you look perfect tonight”

“Why are you so nervous y/n? It’s just me.” 

“I’m nervous because this could ruin everything!” She stilled,but her hands remained wrapped around my neck. “I’m nervous because this realization changed everything and if I don’t say anything it’ll eat me up inside.” She sighed.  “I’m nervous because we promised that we will always be honest with each other, but this is the only thing that I have ever doubted telling you.” Then quietly, like I wasn’t supposed to hear, “I’m nervous ‘cause I could lose you.”

“Well I found a woman Stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams  I hope that someday I’ll share her home” 

“You won’t lose me, y/n.” She looked up, surprised that I had heard her. “Whatever it is it won’t scare me away.” I smiled. “I’m here to stay.” 

“I found a love to carry more than just my secrets to carry love, to carry children of our own”

“Okay here it goes.” Her eyes met mine, once again taking my breath, and all my coherent thoughts, away. “I’m in love with you, Josh Dun. I’ve been in love with you for years. I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t even remember when it began, and I know you don’t feel the same, and I’m sorry if this makes our friendship weird, but I’m so in love with you it takes my breath away, and I don’t want to be anywhere else when I’m with you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

There was a pause. You held your breath waiting for any reaction from Josh. Still there was silence, so you unlatched your finger from Josh’s neck. “I’i m sorry I-I” You pulled away, readying yourself to run. This was a huge mistake. But you suddenly find yourself pulled against Josh’s chest with strong hands holding you still and Josh’s lips moving against yours. Bliss.

“We are still kids, but we’re so in love fighting against all odds  I know that we’ll be alright this time Darling just hold my hand  Be my girl, I’ll be your man I see my future in your eyes”

Josh smiled that Cheshire cat-like grin. “I’ve been wanting to do that for years.” Relief flooded your face and you laughed. 

“Me too, Jishy. Me too.” You pulled him against you again. Chests meeting chests, lips meeting lips. Hearts meeting hearts. 

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark with you between my arms barefoot on the grass Listening to our favorite song When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful I don’t deserve this  Darling, you look perfect tonight”

“Why didn’t we do this sooner?” Josh laughed looking at you like you tend to look at the stars. 

“Because we’re idiots.” You leaned against Josh, burying your face in his neck. He kissed your hair. 

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot.” 

“And I’m yours.” You smiled. Your lips meet Josh’s once again.

“Now that I’m allowed to do that I don’t want to stop.” Josh kissed all over your face.

“Me either.” 

“I love you so much, y/n.”

“I love you too, Jishy.”

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark With you between my arms Barefoot on the grass Listening to our favorite song I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect No, I don’t deserve this You look perfect tonight”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed this. I do take requests just hmu. Should I start writing more? Let me know. Feedback is appreciated.

[katymacsupernatural]

Magnetic Chapter 13: A Break

Dean Winchester x Reader

1200 Words

Chapter Summary: After returning to the bunker and life as you were starting to know it, you needed a break.

Story Summary:  After your Dad was killed, you were shocked to learn all about his hidden life. Deciding to follow in his footsteps, you turn to a life of hunting, surprised at how well you adapted. Then comes along Sam and Dean Winchester, turning your life upside down. You and Dean don’t get along at first, but then things soon start to change.

Catch Up Here: Masterpost

A week after your awkward conversation with Dean, and you were going insane. He followed your suggestion to the T, flirting enough to get you flustered, but never trying more. Sam had noticed the change in your attitudes towards each other, but wisely said nothing.

After another frustrating breakfast with no Sam in sight, you had had enough. Dean had been exceedingly kind to you, lightly flirting but never moving past it. You weren't sure whether you wanted to punch him, or pull him in tight for another mind blowing kiss. Instead, you slammed your plate into the sink before making your way into the library. Sam was in the corner, lost in a book, and you pulled open your laptop, scanning the nearest news for any sort of hunt. A hunt you could do by yourself, and give you time away from the man currently flustering you.

An hour into the search and you finally hit gold. A lady was complaining about how her husband had died. Saying there had been no signs of forced entry, and he had been home by himself. He had been ripped to shreds by some sort of monster, or what they were calling a bear. Figuring a weird werewolf, you felt adrenaline running through your veins at the thought of your very own case. A case you were not going to tell the Winchesters about.

"You seem happy." Sam said, dropping his book on the stand beside him before standing up. Quickly closing your computer, you nodded, thinking a plan up quickly.

"Yeah, I've just heard from one of my friends." You lied, because you had burned all of your bridges a long time ago, and didn't have anyone you could count as friends besides the Winchesters. "She wants me to come visit for a couple of days."

Sam nodded, seeming happy for you. "That's great! When are you leaving? Do you want us to come with you?"

"Of course she wants us to come with her, don't you Y/N?" Dean's voice sounded from the doorway, as he leaned against the wall, his ankles and his arms crossed as he gave you his patent knowing smile.

"No, it's alright. You guys stay here. It's only a couple hours away. I should be back by Tuesday." You told them, standing up to leave, but Dean grabbed your arm, stopping you.

"Are you sure? Because Sammy and I can come along, hang out while you visit your friend." He suggested, as if he knew more than what you were saying.

You patted him on the chest, not missing the way the muscles bunched underneath your hand. "I'm a big girl, I will be fine. You and Sam enjoy your masculine time, I'll be back before you know it."

He let go, stepping back, and you missed the frown on his face as you walked down the hall towards your room. Stepping inside, you pulled out your bag, packing up clothes and some weapons you had laying around your room. You had a better supply in your jeep, a supply that would be enough for a quick werewolf hunt.

After making sure you had left nothing important behind, you made your way to the garage, not surprised at all to see Dean there, bending over the engine compartment of the Impala. Giving yourself a moment to enjoy the view, you sauntered up, surprising him when you slapped him in the ass. "You weren't in here waiting for me, were you?" You asked him as he hit his head on the roof.

"Damn it." He muttered. "No, Baby needed some tuneups, so I figured I would get them done. Unless you've changed your mind and want me to go with you. Make it a little more fun." He suggested, his bottom lip between his teeth as he raised his eyebrows at you.

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's just a visit with a friend. Quick and fun. I'll be back before you know it." You told him, watching as his smile vanished.

"Truthfully Y/N, if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to call. I mean it." He said, his eyes searching yours, and you gulped, hating the fact that you were lying to him.

"I will, I promise." You told him, before sliding into your jeep and starting it. Pulling out of the garage, you saw him watching you, and you had a moments hesitation. Steeling yourself, you guided your jeep down the empty road, knowing this was for the best. That you needed some time to yourself, to distance yourself and get back to the Y/N you remembered.

_________________________________________

As you pulled into the cheesy looking hotel at the edge of town, you were feeling pretty good with yourself. The road trip had been exactly what you had needed, you were feeling clear headed and relaxed. After dropping your stuff of into the small and outdated single room, you changed into your FBI gear, heading straight for the victims house. After pulling up to the curb of a well to do house, you checked your phone, sighing when you saw a message from Dean. "Let me know when you make it. And if you change your mind, Baby's ready for a ride." He texted, with a wink at the end.

Shaking your head, you dropped your phone on the passenger seat, checking to make sure your gun had some silver bullets before knocking on the door. An aging lady opened the door, her face full of grief. "Can I help you?" She asked, and you showed her your badge.

After letting you in, she guided you into a lavish living room, and you sat on the edge of a white couch, afraid that you would dirty it from one touch.

"So, what can you tell me about your husband?" You asked her, and she sniffed into a tissue.

"He was a good man. Very hard working. So hard working in fact that he climbed the corporate ladder faster than anyone else had ever done. He was proud of that fact, and the fact that he made a good life for us."

"Did you notice anything weird the days before he was killed?" You asked her, glancing around the room, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"He was acting strangely." She told you, her eyes red with distress. "He seemed distant, and confused. Scared when there was nothing there. And the last day he locked himself in his study, refusing to come out at all."

After a couple more questions, you left the house, more confused than when you had arrived. It didn't sound anything like a werewolf attack, which brought you right back to square one.

Grabbing a quick meal at a restaurant, you made your way back to your room, sitting down to do some work on your computer. And that's when you realized you had left your computer back at the Bunker. "Damn it." You muttered, knowing you would probably have to call Dean or Sam now, and ask for some help.

"Hello darling, anything I  can help with?" A British voice said from near your bed, and turning in one swift motion while pulling your gun out, you glared at the sharply dressed intruder.

Read Next: Chapter 14

Tags: @summer-binging-spn @nerdybookwormsinger @generalgoldfishldrm @just-another-busy-fangirl @saoirsewhittle

[lifeunderapapermoon]

1-82!!!

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…: You dont abandon the ones you love.

2: Did you get to sleep in today? : til almost 2. Yay sickness

3: You never know what you got until you lose it? : in some cases but never applied to me I guess. I appreciate things before it is too late.

4: Do you have siblings? : I have twin brother and sister who are 11 and they're my whole world.

5: How many kids do you want?: idk honestly I think it would depend on how stable my life was. I've always gotten like 2 or 3 when I did the needle trick.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?: my best friend nikki

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?: I didnt take someone over 6 foot so I didnt have to.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care? : I'd like to think so, but idk man

9: Last person to talk on the phone?: my friend Mell

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?: I think my parents saw him kiss me goodbye as he left.

11: When’s your birthday? April 30th

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?: yep

13: What kind of phone do you have? Samsung galaxy s8

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?: I'm not wearing pants

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?: oh absolutely. I'm no longer a doormat. I dont stay in situations that aren't good for my well being. I also learned how to do makeup so I look like a solid 5 now.

16: What were you doing at 4 am?: falling asleep

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?: write!

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?: probably a lot of things lmao it's called "coping"

19: Last night you felt…?: confused & horny

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?: October! I get to be in my best friend Renee's wedding!! And go to Illinois

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?: oh I'm sure I have

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?: maybe 9 hours

23: Are you a morning or night person?: night for sure

24: What did you get your last bruise from?: Idk I bruise like a peach lol

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?: yes

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?: probs have a panic attack lol

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?: no

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?: would love to have closure from my ex.

29: How many months until your birthday?3

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?toast or carrots or apples

31: Did you like this past summer?: this past summer had a lot of Highs and lows. I missed out on a lot of summer because I was in the hospital

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?: not on my computer currently

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?: leave?

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?: ugh fuck

35: Your mood summed into one word? Confused

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey? Listening to Grayscale

37: What are your initials? LPR

38: Are you a happy person? Generally I am but I also hide the emo side real well.

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago? Nope lol

40: Where do you want to live when your older? I'd like to live in a house with a wrap around porch and large windows. I dont know the location

41: Have you had your birthday this year? Nope

42: What did you do yesterday? I went to therapy and then out to dinner with my best friend Sully.

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?: I dont plan that far in advance lol

44: How late did you stay up last night? I think like 4 ish

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?: I would lay down my life for my friends and family.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?: not at all lol

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?: I think it depends on the relationship. I'm still friends with a few exes, BUT we dated in like middle school so it wasnt serious. I think as you get older and the relationship is more intimate (not really sexual) it gets more difficult to shove those feelings aside and just be friends.

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?: a few have tried. I dont know where a lot of their heads are lol I dont talk to many of my exes.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?: I barely remember 2012 lmao. Probably a lot since I was a lovesick puppy for any guy

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?: no, well depends on the ex I guess. I wished for a long time that the guy who was abusive and controlling was dead.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?: lots of times

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?: once a cheater always a cheater

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?: yeah it was. We wont talk about that.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?: trying not to.

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?: I've literally gotten tattoos with my parents lol. Like they took me to get like 4 of them

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?: stomach

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?: Oklahoma maybe or Tennessee. Also maybe Florida cause the beach

58: What would you change about your life right now?: not much I could physically change

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?: Yep. A lot

60: Are you on the phone? Yeah I'm mobile writing this.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?: Forward. Last week I couldn't even leave my bed lol

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?: the money. I have a jeep that is less than perfect but I love her just the same

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?: apparently I'm attracted to pot heads so all the time

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?: lol more times than I can count at this point.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?: yes lol it's how I passed spanish my second year.

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?: depends on my mood. I have mad social anxiety so usually just wanna be at home.

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?: yes

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?: multiple times. I'm the one everyone calls when they're having a crisis. I'm always there. Always.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?: I could always use sleep

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?: well I'm 23 now so I'm gonna have to say no lol

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?: drives me insane. All I ask for is honesty. Legit it

72: What’s your favorite color?: turquoise

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?: Yes lol

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?: yes or my glasses on my fucking face

75: Do you get annoyed easily?: oh boy, yeah.

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?: absolutely. Life is too short to not tell the people you love how you feel.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?: my best friend Griffen. Hes like my brother

78: Does anyone call you babe?: my friends do.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?: maybe 2

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?" Relationship. I cant do casual even though I've tried. I'm built for relationships 🤷‍♀️

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?: black

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?: Yeah.....