#I’ve always been really bad with photo manipulation and I’d always get pissed off that there wasn’t enough flower variety in the crowns

[ghoul--doodle]

Which oc gets the flower crown edit? /silly

I’d do all of them*

*Except for the fact I have hundreds of characters and that would take me forever, so no I wouldn’t

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[reidingandwriting]

How the Tables Have Turned

Word Count: ~1400 words

Ship: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader, Avengers x Reader (platonic)

Warnings: A bit of language!

A/N: Sorry for my absence for a few days 🥺 I’ve been a little under the weather, but now I’m better and caught up with my next posts, including my first request which will be up soon! Unrelated GIF but I love it.

✨ Masterlist ✨

Let’s make one thing clear now. Natasha Romanoff did NOT get flustered. She was trained in the art of seduction, she was the one who flustered people. She could flirt like a champ and seduce her way out of any situation like it was second nature. She was the best in her business, until she met you.

Natasha met you when Fury had recruited you. He had his eye on you for months, watching you since you had managed to hack into SHIELD secured databases, and you had barely left a trace behind- it took weeks for the SHIELD agents to track you down. He quickly worked on finding you when he saw you had powers- time manipulation. This power worked in your favor during fights; you could freeze time, knock out your opponents, and escape before whoever you fought knew what happened.

Fury brought you to the Avengers compound a month ago, and you fit into the group perfectly. You belonged there. You got along with everyone in the group, especially the redhead assassin. You often worked in the lab with Bruce and Tony; if you weren’t in there, you could be found in the gym training. You could defend yourself fine, but your main advantage came from your powers. Bucky and Steve assured you were fine without additional training, but you were persistent, which only drew in Natasha more. She tried to keep her distance from you, but you didn’t seem to care about the boundaries Natasha tried to set.

———

Natasha walked into the kitchen early that morning. She had trouble sleeping that night and as the sun began to rise, she decided she had enough tossing and turning in her bed. What she didn’t expect was you to be sitting on the kitchen counter, clad in a pair of shorts and a sports bra, sipping a mug of coffee. Natasha’s breath hitched, alerting you of her presence.

“Oh, hey Nat.” You smiled as you hopped off the counter, going to wash your mug. “Sorry, I’m in your way.”

“No, no. You’re fine.” Natasha lightly brushed against you as she walked past, grabbing a mug and making a cup of coffee. “You’re up earlier than usual.” You grinned at Natasha’s attempt to make small talk with you, happy she was warming up to you.

“You watching me, Romanoff?” Your lips curved into a smirk, and Natasha crossed her arms defensively.

“I was not.” You hummed to yourself as you dried your hands, looking at Natasha.

“Too bad, I wish you were.” And with that, you shot Natasha a wink before leaving the room. Natasha stood in silence until she heard Steve’s laughter.

“Piss off, Rogers.”

———

The second time you flustered Natasha was when she came into your bedroom.

“Hey, Y/N, can I borrow-“ Her words died off as she saw you. Your body was wrapped in a towel, your h/c hair also tied up in a towel. “Shit, I’m sorry, I can leave.”

“It’s not like I’m naked, Natasha. I do have a towel on.” Your tone was light, amused even. “What did you need to borrow?”

“Um, a dress. Fury’s sending a few of us to a gala to gather intel on a suspect. I don’t really own any nice enough for tonight, and I thought you’d be my best bet.”

“Of course.” You smiled at Natasha before walking to your closet. You pulled out a few dresses, looking at Natasha and then the dresses, then Natasha again.

“What are you doing?” Natasha asked as she watched you.

“Trying to find the best dress for you, duh.” You rolled your eyes and Natasha shook her head, a hint of a smirk on her lips. “Here. This color brings out your eyes.” You held a dress out to Natasha, which she took. Natasha opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. She nodded in thanks, then left your room, cursing under her breath as she walked to her room.

“Huh.” Natasha spoke, looking at herself in the mirror. “Maybe Y/N was right.”

———

The third time was at one of Tony’s parties at the Tower. It was Halloween, and Tony decided he had to host a costume party for everyone on the team. Natasha’s costume was pretty simple- black pants, a faux leather jacket, and a red top underneath. On her head was a pair of devil horns, the only sign of what her costume was. Tony was surprised to see she had dressed up at all, as minimal as her efforts had been.

Natasha stood by Steve, swirling the drink in her hand as her eyes scanned the room. She hadn’t seen you all day and she hated to admit that she missed you. You were only a few years younger than Natasha, but you were full of youthful optimism much like Peter Parker. You always knew how to make the team feel better after a mission had gone wrong, or with the general negative emotions the heroes felt due to their unconventional jobs. Steve’s voice brought Natasha out of her thoughts.

“There’s Y/N.” Natasha looked in your direction, biting back a smile at your costume. You had on a pair of faux leather white pants, the material hugging your skin perfectly. You had on a lacy white bralette as your top, paired with a white faux fur coat. A golden halo ‘floated’ above your head, attached to a headband Natasha could barely see. You were dusted in a light body glitter, the lights in the room making you literally sparkle. You walked over with a wide grin, hands on your hips as you stopped in front of the pair.

“Well, look at you. We match.” Your smile was infectious and Natasha found herself smiling.

“Seems like we do.” You blew her a playful kiss, laughing at her feigned annoyance.

“Hey, look. Tony’s got a photo booth, let’s take some pictures.” You took Natasha’s hand and Natasha recoiled at the electric feeling of your skin brushing against hers, her arms moving to wrap protectively around her torso. Your smile faltered and your hands moved back to your body as you turned to Steve, pointing at him lightly.

“Spangles. I’m going to get a drink, after that, you owe me a dance.” You were off before Natasha could stop you. Natasha sighed, tugging at her hair.

“I messed up, Steve.”

“You did.” Steve laid his hand on her shoulder, offering some comfort to the redhead. “But you’re smart. I know you can fix this. I’ll keep her distracted while you figure it out.” Natasha nodded as Steve walked over to you, her gaze glued to you until you were on the dance floor with Steve. Natasha took a deep breath and muttered under her breath.

“Okay, Romanoff. I can do this.”

———

Natasha watched as you made your way across the dance floor, dancing with anyone on the team who came close to you. You were dancing with Sam now, having just left Tony. You were a few feet away on the dance floor, but Natasha could see the light in your eyes. The light that made Natasha feel at home. Your eyes met hers and Natasha felt her heart skip a beat. She felt herself being drawn to you and before she knew it, she was in front of you. Sam stepped aside, letting you both have a moment.

“Can we talk?” Natasha asked as she stood in front of you. Your body language screamed guarded, but there was a playful glint in your eyes.

“Can we? Or will you freeze on me again?” Natasha rolled her eyes but took your outstretched hand. You two began to dance right as a slower song started to play, no doubt at the choosing of Tony.

“I’m sorry for earlier.” Natasha spoke, arms wrapped around your waist. Your arms were draped around Natasha, and you stayed quiet, letting her speak. “It’s pretty self-explanatory that I have very little experience with all of this. You’ve been here for a month, and you’ve worked your way into my heart. I’d, um, I’d really like to go out. With you. On a date, maybe.” Natasha could feel her cheeks burning as she stumbled over her words.

“Natasha Romanoff, are you blushing?” A smirk played on your lips and Natasha scoffed. “We’ll have dinner tomorrow, you’ll meet me at seven.”

“Are you taking charge?” You leaned in, your lips brushing against her skin as you whispered.

“I’m always in charge.” My, how the tables have turned...

Taglist: @daughter-of-stark @agent-barnes40 @spideygirl2003 @ditttiii Taglist and requests are OPEN ❤️

[tisfan]

Return to Sender

Chapter One | Chapter Two 

Chapter Three

A/n - Reblog, and I’ll write more!

“So, I might need a new phone number,” Tony said, leaning back in his office chair. He didn’t really spend a lot of time in his office, but when he did, he was always impressed at how comfortable his office chair was. He really needed to get one of these down in the shop. Except he knew himself, and there was just something more appropriate about hanging out on a ratty old bar stool, the kind with the cracked vinyl seat decorated with an obscure beer label.

Even if he’d had the best possible chair known to man down in his workshop, he’d have been on the stool anyway, one bare foot tucked through the rung, sitting on the other one, and making him do that weird, half of his leg was asleep dance whenever he actually came out of his engineering fugue to notice.

“What’d you do to your phone this time?” Pepper didn’t sound particularly concerned.

“Not the phone, the phone itself is fine.” Tony should know. He designed the damn things. He had, actually, reason to know that the case was impervious to falling down two flights of stairs and being dropped in the toilet. He’d made the glass mostly scratch proof (really, the tiger was a bit much and he wasn’t taking the blame for that one) and the recharge system omni-directional. (Take that, Sherlock Holmes.) “I just might need a new number. Might. I’m not sure yet.”

He could almost see the way Pepper rolled her tongue around in her mouth, biting off the first few choice phrases.

“What did you do?”

Well, that was just rude. Except for how it was true. “I might have given my number to someone.”

“Your personal number?”

“Mmmm.”

(more below the cut)

“You know we talked about this, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Keeping Tony’s number secure was one of Pepper’s main jobs -- well, no, not really, but she was supposed to keep people in general away from him.

“So, what happened?”

“I, uh… I met someone,” Tony hedged. “And I don’t know, I mean, I don’t know for sure. He might call. He might not.”

“He might sell your damn number on the internet,” Pepper pointed out.

“Well, that would certainly be a bad decision on his part,” Tony said.

“Only if he doesn’t get paid premium,” Pepper said. “So, new phone number?”

“Not… quite yet,” Tony said.

“Tony? Do you like him?”

“It’s possible that I like him,” Tony said. “I suppose it’ll depend what he does with that number.”

“So, it’s a test?”

“That’s very manipulative,” Tony said. “I don’t want to be manipulative, Pep. I’ve been on the wrong side of that a few times.”

“Tony, if it quacks like a duck,” Pepper said. “You want me to prep you a new phone, with a new number. You’re expecting this to go south.”

“Well, past events can predict future trends, Pep,” Tony reasoned. “And this way, you’re prepared and ready to go. When my big mouth gets me in trouble again. Or, in this case, my big Sharpie.”

“I hope that’s not a euphemism, Tony,” Pepper groaned.

“And my big mouth, because you know, I’d have to have a pretty flexible jaw to get my--”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Thank you, Miss Potts. Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“... so leave a message and if I don’t get back to you, it’s nothing personal.”

Bucky disconnected the call. He’d texted several times and got no answer. Then he’d called and left a message.

And then he’d called two more times, but didn’t leave messages.

Rumlow just didn’t want to talk to him, and he supposed that was fine. Bucky was fine. He wasn’t… upset.

Well, okay, he was sort of upset, but he wasn’t really, like cry in his vodka having a tragedy.

He’d just wanted a clean break. Not some messy, I’m sort of involved with this other guy, except not really, and I’ll be broken up with him as soon as he gets his act together and calls me. That wasn’t fair to try to start something else, if he was still involved, right?

“Am I, though? Am I still involved with Brock?”

“I don’t know,” Clint said, sitting down and scaring the shit out of Bucky as a side benefit. “You’re the one with the fucking hang up about getting him to actually be on the phone when you break up with him. Jesus, the guy ghosted you. Break up with him via text message. He deserves it.”

“Where did you come from?”

“Buck, pal, you know you’re fucking predictable, right?”

“I’m not-- the hell I am,” Bucky said.

“Well, also, when you instagram your damn coffee, it’s not that hard to figure out what coffee shop you’re at, and--”

“You thought if you happened to be in the neighborhood, I’d buy you a cup?”

“That’s really sweet of you, Bucky, you don’t have to do that,” Clint said.

“Do you ever buy your own food, or do you just have a ton of friends that you leech off of?”

“We’re friends?”

Bucky sighed, pulled a twenty out of his pocket. “Here. Get me a second one, while you’re up there. And a blueberry muffin. The one with the little crunchy things on top.”

Bucky swirled the dregs around in his cup while he considered his dilemma.

“So, do you want Brick--” Clint was back with Bucky’s muffin. No change, but that was probably a bit much to hope for. At least Clint probably tipped the barista, so there wouldn’t be any spit in his coffee. Probably.

“Brock.”

“That’s what I said. Do you want to talk to him so that you can break up with him, or do you want to talk to him so that he can sweet talk you into another blow job? Because I know you, and you’re not big into confrontations, Buck.”

“That’s rude,” Bucky said, squirming uncomfortably. It was true that Bucky had a hard time standing up for himself, although he was pretty quick to stand between Steve and incoming trouble. It was just, when he thought about it--

“Naw, see the thing is, man, is that you don’t think you’re worth it,” Clint said. “You wouldn’t let any of the rest of us put up with being treated the way Prick treats you.”

“Brock.”

“That’s what I said,” Clint repeated. “He treats you like shit, and you just take it. Like, I think sometimes that dude could slap you in the face and you’d thank him. So… are you actually breaking things off with him, this time?”

“Yeah, I… I think I am.”

“Great, give me your phone.”

“What--” But he was already handing it over. Clint thumbed the screen, punched in Bucky’s passcode -- fuck, how the hell did Clint know Bucky’s passcode? Sigh. Now he’d have to change it.

“Yeah, hey, Prick Rumpot. This is Bucky Barnes’ friend, and he’s breaking up with your ass. Nothing personal.”

“The-- the fuck-- Clint!”

“What? Now, he’ll call you back, if only to yell at you, and you can break up with him in person. Which, personally I think he doesn’t deserve that much courtesy, but you do you, bae.”

“Jesus Christ, Clint, you’re a menace.” Bucky stared at his phone. His first impulse was to call Brock back -- a fourth time, his brain whispered -- to apologize for Clint.

His phone rang, the photo flashing of Brock’s profile; they’d been on a date at an open air cafe and Brock had been people-watching. The picture caught that chiselled jaw and those bright eyes to perfection. It was one of Bucky’s favorite pictures of him, but now that he thought about it, Brock had, in fact, been watching, not people, but a specific person, walking down the street. A moment after the picture had been taken, Brock had commented on the girl’s thighs.

“Look! Speak of the devil, and he appears,” Clint crowed. “Go ahead, break up with him.”

Bucky watched the picture flash a few more times, and then swept his thumb over the screen.

Decline call.

“Is this a power move, or are you hiding from a pissed off boyfriend?”

Bucky waited until the icon appeared on the top of his phone. Brock had left a message.

“Power move,” Bucky said. He brought up his contact list, and made a selection.

The phone rang a few times, and then-- “Hey, I’m really hoping this is Cheese Fries and not some other random person.”

“Hi, Tony,” Bucky said. “I was wondering if… you might want to go out this afternoon and have a cup of coffee?”

“Coffee, or coffee? Because I’m telling you, right now, I might commit murder for a cup of coffee.”

“Just coffee,” Bucky said.

“Great. Just coffee sounds great. How about… you give me half an hour, and I’ll meet you at Ground Central?”

“Ground Central,” Bucky said with a grimace. “Better make it an hour.”

“Gotcha.”

Clint was applauding when Bucky tucked his phone back into his pocket. “So, you have a coffee date. Across town. Better hurry.”

“Forty minutes on the train,” Bucky said. “It’ll be fine.”

“You go get it, Buck,” Clint said. “I’ll just… stay here and drink your coffee.”

“You can have the muffin, too,” Bucky said. “Thanks!”

Clint picked up the muffin. “You’re welcome. Not sure for what, but you’re welcome.”

[missdazednconfused]

Realization

I feel that I haven’t been able to lay out what I’ve been thinking when it comes to my ex. My children’s father that is. I always thought about what he always told me when we were together. 

The words, “I deserve a lot of karma for all the things I did. I’m waiting for it to all hit me one day.” 

I always wondered what that all meant. I kind of want to ask him now. What did he mean by that? Did he do things to me that he never told me about? He told me about how he cheated on me with someone in the very beginning and it really pisses me off when I think about it. Honestly I should just forget about it and not even think about it. Just let it go to move on because those things don’t matter to me anymore. It’s all bullshit honestly.

It just matters to me because I want to know everything he did to me. He said it so much to me that he must’ve done more than what I know about. It makes me so angry still. Considering his mother is still catering him to his needs thinking she’s helping him when it’s just her looking like a clown. I’m sorry but that’s all I see. My children’s father is making her look like a clown just like he made me look when I would bitch and bitch my brains out about how shitty he made me feel about myself. Again, I wasn’t perfect in this either but still...He made it seem as if it was absolutely okay to be treating each other okay like that. Mostly my parents had me believe to act the way I did was okay. It is not. They were being children. 

We must grow to be the bigger person. Refusing to work on yourself and not wanting to be better for your significant other or your family is wrong in my opinion. All I asked was some respect, honesty, and him to go to school for a skill while I worked.. It was all a no. He always made me feel like total shit when I didn’t do sexual favors for him. He never made me feel like he deserved them. He didn’t do anything to get it. I did it because he would bitch up a storm asking for it. So I did it. Almost every fucking day. And now I’ll read on groups how fucked up it is for a man to manipulate you for sexual favors when they don’t even do anything for it. They treat you like shit and expect you to do something for it. It just wasn’t okay. It makes me feel better seeing that type of stuff because he made me feel so crazy thinking that I wasn’t doing that relationship with him right. 

He truly manipulated me so well. My father had me completely believe the marriage he has with my mother is how it’s to go. It’s not. You treat the one you love with respect and do not belittle them every single day. You do not call them names every single day and mean it. You’re not to be the reason your significant other is afraid of you. You’re not to tell your significant other, “No one will ever put up with you or love you as much as I do. You will never find anyone better than me.”

And now I’m like, “Oh yeah? Let’s find out, shall we?” Even if I can’t find someone else who I want or they want to be with me. I’d rather do it alone than be with some lame ass scum bag that treats me like shit and belittles me. I hope that’s not the case but so far. Right now it seems like I won’t be in something for some time. Necessarily isn’t a bad thing because I need to be alone. I’m still figuring myself out and what I need. Working through my insecurities the best way I can. 

I’ve also discovered a lot of men in my age range are still figuring themselves out, too. The ones who were married are now getting divorced, they’re scared out of their minds, they’re lonely, they don’t know how to cope. All because we thought in our early twenties that we knew what the hell we wanted. Ha! What a damn joke. We don’t know what we want. That’s why we’re all living it up and fucking up now. Mid twenties and we’re going hard with what we should’ve been doing then rather than know. At least that’s how I feel. I feel like, I’m almost 30 & now I’m doing all the things I should’ve been doing when I was fresh out of high school. No, that isn’t entirely true. There’s a meme or a photo of two different flowers. Along the lines of saying, “Wow, you’re so beautiful. I wish I was as beautiful as you are.” The other says, “You’re still growing, we’re two different kinds of flowers. We grow differently.” 

Then I’ve seen a picture of two different flowers. One is in full bloom and the other has their roots dug in deeper. It makes me feel better when I think back on how we’re all different types of people and we all grow in different flows, paces, ways. We don’t learn all the same and you just kind of experience through it. It’s just the only way, I guess.

[morningfears]

Crush On You

Rating: PG-13 (There are swears which will probably be a common theme, sorry)

Request: Part 2 of Not Getting Over This

Word Count: 2.3k

Part 3

“Listen, if you don’t quit with the knocking then I’m going to call the cops. It’s four in the fucking - Luke? What are you doing here?”

Luke shifts his weight from one foot to the other as he quickly shoves his hands in his pockets and smiles sheepishly. His eyes linger on your neck for a moment, noting that the marks he’d left only hours ago are more obvious than when you’d left him, before he meets your eyes. “I, uh, don’t really know? I wanted to talk, I guess. It seemed like a good idea when I left the party.”

“Did you drive here?” you question, your eyes narrowing and your arms crossing over your chest as you take in his flushed cheeks and messy hair.

“No,” he scoffs, hand reaching out to grip your doorframe for balance, “what do you think I am, a fucking idiot?” He catches sight of the look on your face and shakes his head before he sighs, “No, I gave the guy your address before I could really think about it and here I am.”

You stare at Luke for a moment, weighing your options, before you open your front door wide enough to let him. “Come in, I guess. I’ll get you some coffee or something,” you sigh as you lock the door behind Luke and step around him to enter the kitchen. “Don’t puke in my living room, yeah? The bathroom’s down the hall and on the right.”

Luke settles into the cushions of your couch and soaks in the undeniable feeling of you that encompasses the space. Your living room is exactly as he’d imagined it would be, exactly as he’d seen in snaps from the others, and he frowns at the pang in his chest that feels an awful lot like melancholy as his eyes land on a photo of you with Michael, Calum, and Ashton; no trace of him to be found.

He watches as you return to the living room, a cup of coffee and two bottles of water in hand. The alcohol has turned his thoughts to a muddled mess, scattered his emotions all over the place, but it has sharpened the pang he often feels in his chest whenever you’re around. And before he can stop himself, he asks, “Why’d you let me in?”

His chest tightens when you take a seat on the couch far enough away that Luke gets the idea, even in his drunken stupor, and he watches as you seem to consider your words for a brief moment before you decide that it doesn’t matter. Instead of sugarcoating it, you answer honestly.

“I would’ve left you in the hall to call a cab but my neighbor wakes up with the fucking sun and I didn’t want her seeing you out in the hall. She’ll think you tried to kill me or something if she sees you. She saw my neck earlier, she was spying on me when I came back, and now she thinks I’m in trouble or something. I just didn’t want her to call the cops on you,” you answer with a shrug as you lay your head on the back of the couch and glance over at Luke. 

Luke’s eyes are red, much more so than they were earlier in the night, and his cheeks are flushed a pale pink. His hair is a curly mass, sticking up in places where you’d harshly tugged at the strands, and you can’t help but frown. “Seriously, Luke,” you question quietly, “what are you doing here? You left a party, at your house, to come to mine at four in the morning.” You pause for a moment, debating biting your tongue, before you sigh and point out, “You know this is the first time you’ve ever been here, right?”

Luke rolls his eyes at your question and throws his head back against the cushions as he takes a deep breath. “I know,” he sighs, as if it pains him not to snap a sarcastic comment back at you, “I know. I just felt like we needed to talk.”

“It couldn’t have waited until a normal hour when you’re not drunk off your ass?” you question, an eyebrow raised as you allow your eyes to linger over Luke’s disheveled form once more.

“No,” Luke grunts as he closes his eyes and shakes his head. “It’s easier to talk to you when I’m drunk.” He pauses for a moment as if he’s gathering his thoughts and shakes his head once more. 

“I don’t know what it is about you,” he breathes, “Everything you do drives me insane. When we first met, I really wanted to like you. I did like you! You were so nice and pretty and funny. I thought you were amazing. But the guys loved you. They thought you were perfect and they just fell all over you, trying to impress you and be your best friend. You all hit it off right away and, I don’t know. Something about you drove me insane and I felt annoyed every time I looked at you. Like, I’d be in such a good mood and then you’d come in laughing with one of the guys and my mood just fell. I think it was jealousy at first. I was jealous you hit it off better with them than you did with me. It was always sort of awkward when it was just us. And then it just became second nature to snap at you, to take my frustration out on you.”

Luke pauses for a moment as he opens his eyes and turns his head to glance at you. “It’s not fair to you, though. You keep trying to be nice to me, to be my friend, and I keep being a dick,” he sighs before he frowns and sits up to face you. “This is the first time we’ve seen each other in four months,” he points out quietly, “Cal told me you stopped coming to stuff if you knew I’d be there and I’m sorry. The guys are still your friends and you should be able to hang out with them without worrying about me being a dick to you. I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.”

Luke watches as you sit frozen, eyes blinking and mouth slightly open. He wants to urge you to speak, to ask you to yell at him or tell him to fuck off, but you don’t. Instead, you shake your head as if to clear it and gather the now cold coffee from the table. “I’ll get you a pillow and some blankets,” you inform him quietly as you stand from the couch, “You can sleep it off here and head home in the morning. I’ll let one of the guys know you’re here because you probably forgot to tell anyone where you were going.”

“Wait,” he almost shouts as he scrambles up from his position on the couch and reaches for your wrist, “aren’t you going to say something?”

“What do you want me to say, Luke?” you question, “That the past few years of your bullshit I’ve dealt with is forgotten because you apologized? I appreciate it, Luke, but sometimes an apology isn’t enough. And you’re off your ass drunk. How do I know that this is even genuine?” You pause for a moment before you pull your wrist from Luke’s hand and shake your head. “If you’re still here in the morning and you want to talk, we’ll talk. For now, just get some sleep. I’ll bring you some blankets and a pillow.”

Luke watches in dejected silence as you gather an extra blanket and pillow from your bedroom. When you hand them over, he whispers a ‘thank you’ so quiet that he’s not sure you’ve heard him but when you nod, a hint of a frown on your lips, he knows that you did. When you leave the living room, turning lights off behind you, Luke stretches out as best as he can on your couch and stares up at the ceiling. He wracks his brain for a reason, any reason at all, that could justify the way he’s treated you and he hopes that the answer he finds will be enough to convince you to give him another chance.

When he wakes, Luke realizes that he isn’t in his bed. Nor is he on his couch. He vaguely recognizes the layout of the living room he’s occupying but wherever he is doesn’t matter much to him as he catches sight of the bottle of water and painkillers on the coffee table in front of him. He breathes a quiet sigh of relief as he grabs the two and it’s only when he sits up that he realizes exactly where he is.

“Fuck,” he breathes as he glances over to find you sitting in the kitchen, textbook spread open on the bar in front of you, “I fucked up.”

“I’d love to be snarky and respond with, “What’s new?” but I’m not going to be the one to start that game today,” you hum as you finish highlighting a section in your book. “How’s the hangover?”

“Not great but not as bad as it could be, I guess,” Luke sighs as he takes in the full extent of you.

It’s rare to see you completely dressed down, in pajamas with messy hair and completely unprepared for whatever spontaneous adventure awaits, but Luke finds that he likes this side of you. He likes seeing you dressed in a too-big t-shirt and slightly unguarded. It suits you. But what doesn’t suit you, he finds, are the bruises at your neck.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes when he realizes he’s been staring, “about your neck.”

“No worries,” you shrug, “I know how to manipulate concealer.”

Luke hesitates for a moment before he runs a hand through his hair and stands from the couch to step a little closer to you. “I’m sorry about everything else, too,” he sighs as he slowly makes his way into the kitchen. When he hesitantly reaches for the chair beside you, you nod and he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Last night, when I apologized, I was being sincere.”

“You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he nods before he sheepishly admits, “I didn’t drink much more after you left. I was drunk but not that drunk. I know an apology isn’t the final step here but I hope it’s a start.”

Luke wants to shrink away from the intensity of your gaze, to hide himself from your scrutiny, but he wills himself to remain strong when you search his face for any flicker of insincerity. When you nod, he can’t help the small smile that twitches his lips. “I keep trying because I want to give you a fair shot, Luke,” you sigh as you finally drop your textbook and turn your full attention to Luke, “an apology isn’t the be all, end all but it is a start. Thank you.”

“I promise I’ll try not to be such a dick to you,” he rushes before you can change your mind, “and I won’t take my frustration out on you because it’s the easy way out. I, uh, I have another confession but I think it might piss you off so we could totally try being friends before I spring it on you.”

“I’d rather get all of my anger out at once,” you shrug.

“Fair enough,” Luke sighs. “I figured out what the jealousy was about. It wasn’t just me being jealous that you hit it off with the guys more than me. It was that you and Cal were so cuddly and you and Mikey went out all the time. It was you and Ashton going to those shows together. It was you hanging out with them one on one when I wanted to hang out with you alone. I guess I had a sort of crush on you that never really went away?”

“Luke, if this is some cliche, you bully me because you like me, bullshit then I will fight you,” you warn as you stand from your chair.

“Does it count if I didn’t realize I had a crush on you until last night?” he questions, looking as sheepish as ever.

“Dammit, Luke,” you huff, “fine, okay. You like me. That’s fine. I don’t hate you so we’re off to a good start. I’m not going to tell you that I’ll grow to like you or that we’ll end up being anything more than acquaintances but I’m willing to start by trying to be friends with you.”

“I’m willing to start there,” Luke accepts readily, “I know it’ll take a while to get to a decent place. It’s habit for us to yell at each other or avoid each other. Friends first is a good idea.” When you nod at Luke’s words, he stands from his own chair and smiles at you. “Awesome,” he breathes, “great. I’m going to go home because I smell awful but do you want to hang out later? As friends. Or acquaintances trying to get to know each other better. We could watch a movie or something.”

“Sure,” you agree, “hanging out sounds nice. You can come back here, if you want. I feel like you’ll like Santa Clarita Diet and, I mean, I wouldn’t have to even attempt to cover up my neck.”

“It’s a date,” Luke nods with a grin before he shakes his head and laughs, “not a date, as in a date, but it’s happening. I’ll be back, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you laugh, genuinely amused at Luke’s change in behavior, “I get it. I’ll see you in a few hours, then?”

“For sure,” he nods, “I’ll be back and we’ll get pizza and we can be friends. But I feel like I should warn you now, if you’re anything like the guys tell me you are, then I’m absolutely not getting over this crush on you.”

Author’s Note: Wow, like, I didn’t expect so many people to like Not Getting Over This! Thank you so much for the love on it! Also, I’m always so upset by these stories where people are enemies and then lovers immediately. Like, it’s just not realistic for me. So, I hope this feels a little more realistic? I don’t know. I love Luke. I want to write some college!AUs now.

[savofid]

So, I was reminded of this while watching a video just a few minutes ago.

CW: murder, manipulation of a minor, presumed statutory rape. For clarification, I did not participate in these things. The person I'm about to describe did them.

Many years ago, there was a guy I knew while I was in the military. He was a funny and rather well liked guy by most of my friend group, but I didn't really trust him. Something felt, I dunno, off about him? Like he gave off these vibes of "don't get too close." I trusted my gut and kept him at a distance.

One night, while he was drinking underage, he was caught by an NCO, who just sat down with him to talk. He didn't want to get the guy in trouble, just really wanted to hammer down the problem and help him see the error of his ways... And then the guy pulls a knife on him. Still, despite having a knife pulled on him and being clearly threatened, the NCO remains calm and defuses the situation. I kept an even greater distance after that.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm at my first duty station. My soon to be boss calls me over and asks if I know [that guy].

"Yeah, I knew him. Didn't really try to know him well. Dude sorta gave off bad vibes to me. Why do you ask? Is he okay?"

"Well, he's in prison."

"Oh, man. What did he do?"

"He, uh... He murdered a woman because she didn't approve of him dating her daughter."

"Well, that's a bit extreme, don't you think?"

"Well, it gets worse." She pulls up the article and scrolls down. "So, not only did he murder a woman, but the girl he was dating? She was 15."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah, and then he coerced her into helping him get rid of the body. It was her brother who called the police about it."

"Jesus, that's messed up."

"Look how fucking smug he is in this photo. Dude just murdered a woman in cold blood cause she, sensibly, didn't approve of a 21 year old guy dating her 15 year old daughter."

[That guy] had this smirk on his face that just screamed "I'd do it again."

Once I got off work, I texted an old drinking buddy of mine who was close friends with him before he got out of the Army.

"Hey, [that guy] is in prison for murder."

"Lemme guess... He stabbed someone?"

"Yep. Stabbed the mother of his girlfriend cause she didn't approve of their relationship. To be honest, I don't blame her. The girl was 15."

"Man, I knew he was fucked up, but not to this level. Shit..."

To anyone that might read this: Trust your gut. If someone is giving off that set of vibes that tell you to stay away, do it.

On a somewhat related subject, that being sorta reading people, I'm pretty good at it in general. Doesn't even need to be in person. In a Twitch channel that I moderate, there was this guy that was just an asshole to everyone, particularly in the realm of music taste. We all knew he was gay, he was quite vocal on the subject, but that didn't matter to us. That particular channel is home to folks of all sorts of sexualities and gender identities. We're a pretty inclusive bunch.

Anyways, I quite liked him. He was an asshole, sure, but it's always nice to see a familiar face. Well, one day, he took it a bit too far, enough to almost completely piss me off. This was during the days of being able to have music playing during a stream, so one of the other regulars requested some stuff they liked. The asshole guy just chewed into him for it, saying that it sounded like "a group of people trying and failing to sound indie with this poppy bullshit."

What I wanted to do was go full psychoanalysis on him and basically publicly tear down any leg he had to stand on with his music taste being, somehow, superior to someone else's. My thoughts at the time were:

The reason your particular taste of music is so important to you is because it was introduced to you by the first person you fell in love with. You have to feign this sense of superiority about it because you still love them, even after they left you. I assume there was a decent age gap between the two of you, which is why you, being older than most folks here, press so firmly about your taste in music because now you're in the seat they were in when it was first introduced to you. Not only is that person important to you because they were the first you fell in love with and likely the first partner you ever had, but also because they were the first person who really let you be yourself. I think your parents didn't accept you, likely forcing you out on your own before you were even close to ready, which explains why you're so cold to everyone else. Anyone that doesn't let you be yourself immediately brings you back to your parents and fills you with anger. This person likely took you in and became more than just a surrogate parent, but, like I said, someone you truly loved. They were the one who broke up with you, not the other way around, otherwise the idea of that music would never be so important to you. It reminds you not only of when you were able to always be yourself and be accepted, but loved for who you were.

Now, I never sent it. I wanted to, believe me, I did. However, I felt it was too cruel to basically dissect someone with a live audience, mostly populated by people who didn't like him in the first place. However, one night several months later, chat got into quite a deep discussion, and he participated in that. Not in a joking way, but a rather serious manner. Everything I assumed about him was correct, and it kinda broke my heart a bit because I probably would've destroyed him emotionally with that. Sure, I was right, but the fact that I was right that he went through such trauma at a young age just because of who he loved by the very people who should be supporting him hurt me so much.

My parents don't know I'm bi. They'll likely never know. The nail in that coffin was when I came home after having my makeup done by a friend just for fun and my mom said, "You better clean that off your face before your dad gets home, or he's gonna call you a f*****." It nearly floored me then, and I thought I was completely straight. I will say: trying to get eyeliner off without makeup removal pads is a nightmare. The eye shadow, lip gloss, and lip liner came off just fine with a damp towel, but I rubbed my eyelids raw trying to get that eyeliner off before he got home.

All things considered, I looked damned good. Well, the eyeshadow wasn't my color, being purple and silver. Would've been better with maybe a maroon and black to help contrast my very pale skin and make my hazel eyes pop that much more. But enough about that.

Just kidding. See, if you read about those gender identity dreams I've been having, you'll probably notice that I have no idea what I am. Born a male, sure, but am I? Not saying I'm trans, cause I don't think it would make any sort of difference for me. In fact, a recent dream on the subject tells me that it wouldn't make any difference at all.

But, for once in my life, I can say that I don't know enough about the spectrum of gender identity to even know where to place myself. A few friends say nonbinary, but it just doesn't, I dunno, click with me, for lack of a better term. It just doesn't feel like me. Neither does gender fluid. I don't feel like one or the other depending on external factors. I don't know what I am.

However, much like the advice I give to friends who are trying to find their identity, I'm not looking for someone to just show up and tell me, "Oh, you're [this]." No one can tell you who you are because no other person knows what's in your mind but you. As such, that identity has to be found on your own. Like, I say I'm bi to help people understand the ballpark I'm in, but I'm really in between heteroflexible and bi, but, technically, both of those aren't even accurate. I don't have any particular preferences for women but I'm both demisexual and pansexual when it comes to men. I require a strong emotional connection with one and it's only with very select individuals. Out of all the people I've been attracted to, only 3 of them identify as men, those being a guy I lived across the hall from when I got to my first duty station (who I had known for years prior, as I was their mailman), a buddy of mine in Florida (whose wife said he's got "sexual magic" that makes nearly anyone he meets instantly want to sleep with him. I can't say he doesn't, cause I was totally game), and my best friend.

The only reason my roommate and I aren't sleeping together is because both of us are tops. We discussed it at length and decided that it just wouldn't work on that alone, which is completely fair. Pretty hard to have a game of baseball when everyone's pitching.

Well, that got off topic quick. I'll end this before I continue rambling, AKA I'll just ramble in another post.

[asriels]

What are the Potter kids getting each other for Christmas?

Albus comes home from the pub to find the door of his flat ajar his older brother loungingin his favourite armchair.

“Didn’t I say I’d tell Dad if you broke in again?”

James snorts. “Get over it. I’m here about yourChristmas present.”

“It’s December 22nd,” Albus replies, and then,“so what are you giving me?”

“A talking-to.”

“Oh,” says Albus, and throws himself down onto thesofa, “well, that’s shit. Lily’s getting me a Hex-a-more.”

James eyes him up and Albus adopts his most unconcerned expression.He’s sick of his brother, to be honest. He gets into one steady relationshipand suddenly he thinks he’s got the right to tell everybody else how to livetheir lives. Wanker.

“Scorpius around?” asks James, throwing a glanceover the messy sitting-room.

Albus shakes his head. “He’s home. His mum’s out of rehabfor Christmas. Get to the point, come on. I’ve got stuff to do.”

“It’s about Daisy.”

For the love of Merlin. If one more bloody person tries toget up in Albus’ grill about Daisy fucking Longbottom—

“You know she’s pregnant?”

“Yah.” Albus rolls his eyes. “Like anybody will let mefucking forget.”

James doesn’t speak for a moment or two, and Albus realisestoo late how pissed off his brother really is. Before he can do anything, Jameshas launched himself across the battered coffee table and laid into him.

“Fuck!” shrieks Albus, dodging a punch, “what the fuck?!”

“You arsehole,” James grunts as he knees Albus in thestomach, “you absolute fucker!”

They tussle for a moment longer, and then Albus manages toget James in a headlock long enough to grab his wand and cast a body-bind hex.He’s distracted by his aching ribs, so it’s not as effective as it wouldusually be, and James’ arms continue to windmill around as he tries to landanother couple of blows.

“Calm the fuck down, man,” groans Albus, hoisting himself uponto the sofa and clutching his ribs, “why do you care, anyway? It’s none ofyour business.”

James uses both arms to lever himself up onto the coffeetable, and then leans backwards for his wand to free himself.

“I care,” he says as his fingers scrabble for his wand, “becausewe’ve known the Longbottoms since we were born, and I told you last year to endthings with Daisy, and I really thought you had more goddamn respect for herthan to hook her back in again.”

Albus stretches out, arching his back like a cat, and hissesas his ribs creak in protest.

“If she comes back to me, it’s not my fault.”

“It is, though.” James sits upright and casts acounter-curse, shaking his legs in relief as movement comes flooding back. “You’rea manipulative shit, and you’ve wrapped her so tightly around your finger shecan’t make rational decisions about you any more.”

“You fancy her, or something?”

James just gives him a very cold look. Albus is feeling somestirrings of shame, truth be told… but they’re very, very deep down.

“Look, it’s not my problem. She told me she was on birthcontrol, so—”

“Stop.”

Albus nearly continues anyway, but there’s something aboutthe look in his brother’s eyes that makes him hesitate. He’s seen James lookangry—seen him lay into several people at once just for looking at him wrong,in fact—but there’s something different about this. Something that looks moreakin to Lily’s anger. And Lily’s anger is not something to be trifled with.

“This stops.” James’ voice is low and measured and firm. “Itstops now. She doesn’t want an abortion, so you go to Gringotts and you set upa regular childcare payment, and then you go to her and you apologise and thenyou stay the fuck away from her.”

“That’s not—”

“I am not having you in an abusive relationship, Albus, especially if you’re the abuser.”

That stops him. “Abuse?”

James’ eyes are cold as the void. “That’s what you are. That’swhat you’ve done to her.”

“I never gotviolent towards her—”

“Abuse isn’t all about hitting someone,” says James,suddenly looking so sad, “it isn’t. And what you’ve done to Daisy, over allthese years, is abuse. Blowing hot and cold, picking her up only to discard herwhen someone better comes along, pressurising her into sleeping with you—”

“She did not takeany pressurising,” grumbles Albus, but James is a rising tide with nooff-switch.

“It ends,” he says, a furious burning star, “it ends now.”

Staring at James across the coffee table, Albus suddenlyfeels as small as a five-year-old again, caught out by his parents in badbehaviour and still young enough to feel shame for it.

James’ demeanour softens as he sees it, and he reaches intohis pocket for something.

“You’re not a bad person, Al,” he says, pulling out a letter,“at least, you don’t have to keep being one. What did Dad always say? We’re ourchoices, not our instincts. Right now, your choices are making you bad. But youcan change that.”

“How?” Albus hates how choked up he sounds. “How can I beanything but this?”

James puts the letter on the coffee table and stands up. “Youtry. And then you wake up tomorrow, and you keep trying, and you keep trying,until it starts to happen by itself. It’ll take forever for you,” he adds witha sudden smirk, looking like the brother Al’s known all these years, “but itwill happen eventually. And you can start with Daisy.”

Albus is shaking his head, but James has no time for that.He just rolls his eyes and tucks his wand into his jeans.

“Get a grip, Al. Stop taking your shit out on the people whodon’t deserve it.”

“Oh, like you don’t do that.”

“I did,” James agrees, “no hiding that. But I’m doing myvery best to stop. It’s time for us to step up. Dad saved the world, right?Least we can do is not make it any worse.”

“Yeah, play the Dad card,” Albus mutters, but he says itwithout heat. James just sighs, and turns for the door.

“Go to Gringotts,” he says, “and then go to Daisy. And if Ifind out you fucked her up again, I’ll tell Lily about the thing with BethZabini.”

Albus’ entire body goes cold. “You wouldn’t dare.”

James pauses at the doorway and shoots him a wicked, wickedgrin. “Try me.”

Albus waits until he hears his footsteps disappear down thestairs before he reaches for the letter James has left. He recognises Daisy���shandwriting with a bitter spike of guilt, and rips open the envelope before hecan change his mind.

A baby scan falls out, but Albus can’t look at that rightnow.

I know you don’t wantthis, she’s written, the ‘t’s crossed with a trembling hand, but I do. I’m keeping him. This is your onechance to step up and be the person I know you can be. All this time, Albus, I’vebeen waiting and hoping you’ll be the boy you were the first time we kissed.You remember? We were twelve, and you were so nervous you were shaking. I’vebeen thinking about that boy you were. I hope he’s inside you somewhere,because it’s his future I want. Stay as you are now and I will take you tocourt to keep you away from our son. But change and we can talk.

Scorpius comes in an hour later to find Albus sat on thesofa, staring at the baby scan, the letter clutched so tightly in his righthand the knuckles are white.

“Came to pick up prezzies,” he announces, sauntering past.He stops when he spots the scan, and plucks it out of Albus’ hand before he canreact, whistling as he looks at it. “Shit. Does Daisy know she’s expecting analien?”

Albus snatches the photo back. “Fuck off.”

Scorpius raises one eyebrow, cool and collected. It’s animpressively disdainful expression, marred only by the bright pink paper crownperched cheerfully on his slicked-back hair.

“What are you getting defensive for? I thought you weren’thaving anything to do with it?”

Albus wavers. He’s about to confide in Scorpius when thedoor opens again and their friend, Scorpius’ distant cousin, sails in. She’swearing all black, just in case anybody has the audacity to forget it’s her family who run the House of Blacknow, and she zeroes in on the scan with astonishing speed.

“Oh,” she says, red lips parting, “you are going to play dad, then? The rumours are conflicting.”

“Oh, fuck off, Prosperina,” replies Albus darkly, throwinghimself back onto the sofa.

“Poor kid,” Scorpius chimes in, and directs Prosperinatowards his bedroom, “your present’s hid under the bed.”

“I might be alright at it,” Albus confesses quietly whenProsperina’s drifted off to find her (undoubtedly excessive) gift. “Atdad-ness, you know. I mean, I’m twenty three. Not like we’re still at school,right?”

Scorpius wavers on the edge of saying something sarcastic,but then he lets his guard down for a second.

“Mate,” he says, clapping a hand onto Albus’ shoulder, “ifyou get your shit together, I think you might actually do alright.”

“You’ll have to give up the drugs, though,” announcesProsperina, coming back in with an armful of gifts, “it’s bad for the baby.”

“Pretty sure that’s only the mother,” says Scorpius. Helooks thoughtful, and Albus narrows his eyes.

Five minutes later, as the two purebloods are on their wayout, Scorpius pauses.

“The drugs thing,” he says, waiting until Prosperina is outof earshot, “I actually, um… I know we’re not, like, bad. But I’ve been seeing this guy at my mum’s facility, and he’spretty good. He’s really helping me. I’ve got his number, if you want?”

Albus blinks in surprise. He doesn’t know what part of thatto deal with first.

And then he takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, man, that’d becool. Thanks.”

It is Christmas, after all.

[gold-from-straw]

Hallows part 5

Here’s chapter 5 for my @gradencetrickortreat for @wouldieforherson. Chapter 6 will be almost entirely NSFW so I’m not going to post it directly here, just a link to my AO3 account, just heads up! Also, this chapter mentions gaslighting and past abuse, but the characters are shown/discussed breaking out of the situation, so I’m hoping it may feel more empowering than not? I hope you enjoy it!

Credence spent the first three days after Albus’ visit pacing around his living room, or his office, or the kitchen watched by Modesty and her raised fucking eyebrow. How was he supposed to even find Percival? He’d tried his phone number, but the old one no longer existed, and since Hallows had broken up it was like he’d disappeared.

Eventually his frustration settled into intermittent flares of excruciating embarrassment at the memory of every interaction he’d ever had with the man. He was able to function for a few minutes before he had to put his head down on the desk and groan or pull his hair out. There was a little part of him that was nudging him, telling him not to get his hopes up, that Percival Graves would always be the one who got away. He’d never get his chance again.

And then, a few weeks later, Newt knocked on his office door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he said, dumping a pile of proofs off the chair and onto the floor. “You’re the boss, boss.”

He did his awkward eye flickering thing and picked up a rubiks cube to fiddle with. Credence turned back to his computer. Newt was always more at ease if he didn’t have to make eye contact. He remembered worrying about him when he was still a teenager, wondering if his aversion to eye contact stemmed from the same sort of place as Credence’s bowed head and hunched shoulders. It had taken him months to draw up the courage to ask, and Newt had burst out in hysterical giggles and apologies, and explained that he’d just always been like that.

“Percival Graves is back in New York,” Newt blurted, and Credence’s fingers froze on the keyboard.

Newt looked up at him through his fringe. “He’s joined MACUSA.”

“That metal band with Seraphina Piquery?”

Newt nodded. “He sent me an email. He was extremely polite, as it happens. Said he wanted us to do some new studio shots for the publicity, but he said, and I quote, he understands entirely if we want to refuse.”

“What did you say?”

Newt smiled, freckles ripping into dimples on his cheeks. “I don’t know yet, I’m checking with my best human photographer first.”

Credence giggled, hysteria and possibility bubbling in a panicked swirl under his skin. “You make it sound like your pets take the rest of your photos.”

“I’ll have you know Dougal’s a wizard with composition.”

Credence bent over with undignified snorts, laughing way more than was warranted.

“So…do you want to see him again?”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah…I have to. I owe him an apology, just…do you think I should be doing this while I’m meant to be taking his photos?”

Newt considered for a moment while Credence tried to quiet the screaming maelstrom of anxiety that was trying to tear holes in his skin. “Why don’t we book Percival in for the last session of the day,” suggested Newt. “That way you can take all the time you like and you won’t be cutting into anyone else’s session.”

“That could work.”

He nodded and flicked through the calendar on his phone. “How’s Friday?”

He glanced at his own organiser and laughed dryly. “Halloween?”

“Oh. Yes. So it is. Is that OK?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Kinda poetic, I guess.”

***

On the plus side, he only had four days to stress out about the shoot. The whole ‘seeing Percival again’ thing, on the other hand, was so large that it transcended stress and came out the other side. Four days had been plenty enough time for him to vibrate almost completely out of his skin.

And then Percival walked in, and all the air disappeared from Credence’s lungs, and for a moment he was fifteen again and terrified of everything, before he could snarl and snatch at the pieces of himself and stand tall again.

Percival’s eyes had flown wide and his jaw dropped when he saw Credence. “Hi, Percival,” he said, tucking a long curl behind his ear.

“Credence,” he breathed, then blinked several times and cleared his throat. “Oh, uh, is this OK? I didn’t think it would be you. I mean, I can come another time, I don’t want to make it awkward for you—“

“Percival, no, it’s fine. I actually requested this.”

“You did?”

He nodded. “Please sit?”

He did so, dark blue jeans creaking against the leather sofa. Credence sat on the other side, one knee bent up on the seat and his body turned to face him properly. Percival’s hands were pressed together between his knees like he was afraid of touching anything. Or making sure Credence knew he wasn’t going to touch anything.

Credence took a deep breath. “I saw Albus a month or so ago,” he began.

“Look, Credence, first I just have to say I owe you an apology. I knew I was crossing a line, and—“

“No, no, please,” he begged. “Oh God, please don’t apologise, you’ll just…I feel ashamed as it is.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Credence, nothing. I took advantage of you.”

“Oh my God,” Credence groaned. “You really didn’t. You did the opposite, you stopped as soon as you noticed something was off and - fuck. OK. Just…” He took a deep breath and got his thoughts in order. Percival just sat quietly and frowned at him.

“We were played,” he said. “Both of us. I saw Albus, he said Gellert fucked both of us over.”

Percival glared at him for a few seconds, then closed his eyes and shook his head. “I guess I’m not actually surprised,” he grunted. “But how?”

“After you left my flat,” Credence said, now unable to look at him, “I got a message from Gellert. A picture of you in bed with someone else. The, uh, the caption said something like I was obviously sexually unsatisfying.”

“What?” Percival’s voice was a bass growl.

“I’m sorry, Percival, I shouldn’t—“

“I didn’t,” he snapped. “I wasn’t with anyone after you, not for fucking months. Over a year, Credence, I swear—“

“I know,” he wailed. “I know now, and I’m so, so sorry I didn’t have more faith in you, I just…I felt like such an idiot - such a tease for turning you down. I thought of course you’d have to find someone else. I told myself it was understandable, but I just…I couldn’t, I couldn’t go back there. And if I’d just been a little bit braver, or, or trusted you a bit more, we wouldn’t have spent two fucking years being angry and—“

He sobbed his next words into Percival’s shoulder as the man wrapped his arms around him, hushing and rocking like he’d done himself to Modesty when she woke screaming in those first few months.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last, leaning back and rubbing the wet patch he’d left on Percival’s shirt.

Percival cupped his cheeks and wiped the tears off with his thumbs. He smiled sweetly and said “I’m going to fucking murder Grindelwald.”

Credence burst out laughing and sank back against the sofa. “Slowly and painfully?”

“No, the bastard would find some way of fucking with my head just before he died. So quickly and from a distance.”

“He really was a manipulative bastard.”

“You have no idea,” Percival growled. “Albus got the worst of it. Jesus, the way he treated him.”

“I can’t feel too sorry for Albus,” said Credence, his eyes narrowing. “All it would have taken was one word from him—“

“And Gellert would have known where it came from” he said softly. “He would have denied it back then, but Albus was scared of him. And scared of losing him.”

Credence snorted. “Come on, Gellert didn’t smack him about.”

Percival scrunched his face a little. “No, he was very rarely violent. But you of all people know there’s more to it than that.”

His back straightened and he could feel Tina and Modesty’s borrowed defiance flash in his eyes. “If a partner ever treated me like that I’d be out of there. How could he let Gellert make him feel so worthless?”

Percival opened and shut his mouth a few times, obviously thinking his words through very carefully. At last he took Credence’s hand and said “did you ever make excuses for your mother’s actions?”

His jaw dropped and shame flooded his system, because while it wasn’t the same, the situation was transferable. He slumped as he remembered how he’d internalised everything Ma said to him until that last time. How he’d blamed himself for every belt lash and prayed and prayed for forgiveness as the blood soaked his sheets. And no, he still couldn’t see what Albus must have been thinking when he let Gellert’s stupid prank stand for two fucking years, but maybe, maybe he could see how he’d got there.

“Oh, God,” he groaned, burying his face in both hands. “I’m such a hypocrite.”

Percival put his arm around his shoulders. “Nah, you’re just looking at things a little differently now.”

“Fuck, I was so mean to him, and his little sister just died, and—“

“Ariana died?” He sighed, his breath warm through the curls on Credence’s temple. “Shit. I knew she was bad. That’s why the band broke up, Gellert wouldn’t let him go to her. It was fucking tearing him apart.”

“What happened?”

He laughed mirthlessly. “I tried to get involved, tell Gellert he was being unreasonable. At first Albus was pissed at me, said it was none of my business. But then Gellert said something - it sounded innocuous to me, just like every other sentence that’s ever come out of his mouth. Something patronising and putting him down. Oh! I know, he said I sounded like Aberforth. Called him a little goat-fucker.”

“Pretty standard from Gellert.”

“Exactly, but Albus just turned round and punched him. Full in the face, broke his nose. I’ve never seen Gellert so fucking terrified in his life!” He grinned. “It was beautiful.”

Credence laughed and leaned his head into the side of Percival’s neck. “Go Albus.”

“How’s Modesty?” Percival asked, fingers starting to comb through his hair.

“Good,” he sighed, relaxing into his touch. “Tina’s sister Queen’s a kickass lawyer, she got Ma into an institution, and proved I could take care of Modesty. My other sister, Chastity, comes over regularly, too. It’s hard, but Mod’s in therapy and she’s screaming at me a lot less now. And she doesn’t flinch when I yell back at her, I think she prefers it. I dunno, she’s always been very different to me, she seems to seek out conflict.”

“Maybe it makes her feel braver. Or in control, because she gets to choose when people are yelling at her.”

“How did you get so wise?”

“I always have been,” he replied primly. “Why do you think I kept my mouth shut around Gellert Grindelwald so much?”

Credence laughed, then sighed as the self-recrimination hit him again. “I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you.”

He shrugged. “It’s understandable. That was the evidence you had at the time. I’m sorry I didn’t make more of an effort to contact you.”

“Why didn’t you?” he asked. “It must have seemed really sudden.”

“I texted you after we got the email from Newt.”

Credence winced. “Ah. I smashed my phone up. Not my best moment.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything though, would it? Anyway, I sort of came to the conclusion that I’d been coming on too strong the night before. Especially when you froze up.”

“I don’t even know what was wrong with me then,” he groaned, pressing his face furiously into Percival’s collarbone so he couldn’t see the blush.

“Hey, no, don’t say that.” Percival tilted his face up, a crooked finger under his chin. “You don’t have to have a reason. Not wanting something isthe reason.”

“But I did want it.”

“Some part of you didn’t.”

Credence pursed his lips and considered his serious brown eyes for a second, then swung his leg over Percival’s thighs so he was straddling him on the couch. “That part’s pretty damn on board right now,” he murmured, and kissed him.

[verytamenow]

1-155

1:Name - Zoe

2:Age - 24

3:3 Fears - Spiders, Heights, Death (lowkey)

4:3 things I love - The sound of a rain storm, Being able to sleep in, Chocolate

5:4 turns on - Confidence, Cuddling, Kindness, Intelligence

6:4 turns off - Cruelty, Bigotry, Rudeness, Unwillingness to listen

7:My best friend - I don’t think I have one.

8:Sexual orientation - Really really really fucking gay

9:My best first date - Haven’t had one.

10:How tall am I - 5′5″

11:What do I miss - A lot of things when I let myself dwell on them. 

12:What time were I born - I honestly have no clue. Is this information people usually have off the top of their head?

13:Favourite color - Blue at the moment

14:Do I have a crush - No.

15:Favourite quote - “It is what it is” / “This too shall pass” / “But the monsters turned out to be just trees”

16:Favourite place - The beach, or by any body of water. Or curled up in bed on a lazy day while it storms.

17:Favourite food - Strawberries.

18:Do I use sarcasm - Who? Me?

19:What am I listening to right now - Road noise

20:First thing I notice in new person - Their smile

21:Shoe size - 8-9

22:Eye color - Blue

23:Hair color - Dark blonde

24:Favourite style of clothing - I kind of live in tshirts and jeans but I really like a sharper look - like suits.

25:Ever done a prank call? - No

27:Meaning behind my URL - There isn’t one? It’s my favourite place, favourite animal, and year of my birth.

28:Favourite movie - Oh this is difficult. The Alien Series, Harry Potter, or Silence of the Lambs

29:Favourite song - Losing My Religion - REM

30:Favourite band - Right now Taylor is my favourite singer, but in terms of bands I’d say the Killers at the moment.

31:How I feel right now - Neutral.

32:Someone I love - My dad.

33:My current relationship status - Single.

34:My relationship with my parents - Good if we haven’t pissed each other off.

35:Favourite holiday - I don’t really have one.

36:Tattoos and piercing i have - None. Not even my ears pierced.

37:Tattoos and piercing i want - Something for my mom, grandfather, and dad. But the monsters turned out to be just trees in Taylor’s handwriting. And maybe something else.

38:The reason I joined Tumblr - Kaylor tbh.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? - No, not at all.

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - I’ll sometimes say goodnight or goodmorning to my friends but usually? No.

41:Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - No.

42:When did I last hold hands? - In a way that wasn’t platonic? Never.

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Technically 30-45 minutes.

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - No. I’m single and live in jeans so I’d rather not deal with the hassle.

45:Where am I right now? - In my bed.

46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - I don’t drink but if it happened, probably my dad at the moment if anyone.

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - Reasonable level but sometimes I’ll blast it in the car.

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - Yes, unashamedly.

49:Am I excited for anything? - Not really. Maybe the upcoming Alien movie.

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - No.

51:How often do I wear a fake smile? - I don’t usually bother to fake it but I will if I have to.

52:When was the last time I hugged someone? - Last night.

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - Impossible.

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - No.

55:What is something I disliked about today? - I have work.

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - If anyone wants to introduce me to my future wife that would be cool. Short of that, meeting Taylor would be cool too.

57:What do I think about most? - Depends on the day.

58:What’s my strangest talent? - I don’t have talent.

59:Do I have any strange phobias? - I think my phobias are pretty typical.

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - I suck at taking photos but I hate being in photos more. Just keep the camera away from me altogether.

61:What was the last lie I told? - Not sure. 

62:Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - I tend to be quiet on the phone so video chatting instead I guess.

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I don’t not believe in ghosts and I think it’s a bit arrogant to write off the possibility of other intelligent life in space.

64:Do I believe in magic? - I don’t not believe in it. I believe spells are about as real and powerful as the idea of prayer, for whatever that’s worth.

65:Do I believe in luck? - Yes.

66:What's the weather like right now? - Clear skies and 60 out but it’s meant to hit the mid 80s.

67:What was the last book I've read? - No clue.

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? - I don’t mind it.

69:Do I have any nicknames? - Not really. Most people don’t bother.

70:What was the worst injury I've ever had? - Probably just a scrape or cut. I’ve never broken anything or needed stitches.

71:Do I spend money or save it? - Save it usually.

72:Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - No.

73:Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? - No.

74:Favourite animal? - Wolves

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - Sleeping, thankfully

76:What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - I’ve never thought about it. I believe Morningstar is traditional.

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Losing my Religion.

78:How can you win my heart? - Just fucking be there for me. Show up, be patient and kind. Falling for me first may help. 

79:What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - I don’t want a tombstone. But probably something snarky or a pun.

80:What is my favorite word? - In terms of use? Fuck.

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr - This is hard. @princessandsunshine, @gaylorswift, @gay4tay, @shady-kaylor, @gay-romantics​

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? -What the fuck? or Impeach the entire republican party.

83:Do I have any relatives in jail? - Not to my knowledge.

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - Omnilingualism or Probability Manipulation

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - There’s a fair few to be honest.

86:What is my current desktop picture? - At work it’s a picture of the beach at my home town/

87:Had sex? - No

88:Bought condoms? - Yes

89:Gotten pregnant? - No thank fuck

90:Failed a class? - Yes more than once

91:Kissed a boy? - No

92:Kissed a girl? - No, sadly

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Nope

94:Had job? - Yes

95:Left the house without my wallet? - Yes. I’d lose my head if it weren’t attached some days.

96:Bullied someone on the internet? - No.

97:Had sex in public? - No.

98:Played on a sports team? - Briefly but sports aren’t my thing.

99:Smoked weed? - No

100:Did drugs? - No

101:Smoked cigarettes? - No

102:Drank alcohol? - Tried it but don’t care for it

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - No but I have considered Vegetarianism. Or at least Pesco-Vegetarianism. 

104:Been overweight? - Yes.

105:Been underweight? - No.

106:Been to a wedding? - Yes.

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - Yes.

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - Yes.

109:Been outside my home country? - Yes, to England.

110:Gotten my heart broken? - Yes. It sucked. 

111:Been to a professional sports game? - Yes.

112:Broken a bone? - No, somehow.

113:Cut myself? - Not intentionally.

114:Been to prom? - No. I skipped mine.

115:Been in airplane? - Yes.

116:Fly by helicopter? - Yes

117:What concerts have I been to? - Rascal Flatts, The Killers, Coldplay at least twice, Snow Patrol, U2, No Doubt, Brooks & Dunn and Reba.

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - Yes.

119:Learned another language? - No, sadly.

120:Wore make up? - Yes but I don’t enjoy it.

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? - No.

122:Had oral sex? - No.

123:Dyed my hair? - Yes.

124:Voted in a presidential election? - No. Yes, I know with the last election but I accidentally missed the registration date because I’m a dumb ass.

125:Rode in an ambulance? - No, thank FUCK because it’d cost a fortune.

126:Had a surgery? - Yes. Deviated septum and wisdom tooth removal.

127:Met someone famous? - No.

128:Stalked someone on a social network? - No.

129:Peed outside? - No.

130:Been fishing? - No but I want to try it.

131:Helped with charity? - Yes.

132:Been rejected by a crush? - No because I keep crushes to myself usually.

133:Broken a mirror? - No.

134:What do I want for birthday? - I may just ignore mine.

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? - I don’t particularly want kids.

136:Was I named after anyone? - My grandmother and great grandmother

137:Do I like my handwriting? - No.

138:What was my favourite toy as a child? - As a little kid I’m not sure, probably legos. Once I was a bit older, probably my gameboy.

139:Favourite Tv Show? - X Files.

140:Where do I want to live when older? - Where can I afford? Ideally near my hometown but I’d never be able to afford it, so probably a house here.

141:Play any musical instrument? - No.

142:One of my scars, how did I get it? - I’ve got an old faint one on my knee but can’t remember how I got it.

143:Favourite pizza toping? - Pepperoni or Mushrooms

144:Am I afraid of the dark? - Not unless I wake up from a nightmare

145:Am I afraid of heights? - Yes.

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - No

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? - Of course. That’s life.

148:What I'm really bad at - Everything.

149:What my greatest achievments are - I’ve survived over a decade with a brain that actively or passively wants to kill me but you can’t really put that on your resume.

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - Not sure.

151:What I'd do if I won in a lottery - Pay off my car, buy a small house, pay off my dad’s house, set aside enough to go get a degree at a slow pace if I want, save and invest whatever might be left.

152:What do I like about myself - I’m a little more resilient than I think, I’m an asshole but not a cruel asshole

153:My closest Tumblr friend - probably @princessandsunshine

154:Something I fantasise about - That Thing

155:Any question you'd like? - You didn’t ask one, mate.

[everyone-is-lovelyy]

1. If you had to choose, whiskey or tequila? Why? Whiskey. I feel like you grow out of tequilla haha unless you drink it ironically. I’m no expert at whiskey but I like it sometimes, esp during winter  2. While doing school work, do you take your time or do you try to get it done as quickly as possible? I prefer to take time because the quality of my work is much better then and I feel like I am actually enveloped in what I am learning or writing about. Usually during intense exam periods I find myself rushing to finish but it ends up being quite counterproductive 3. When did you last wear a scrunchi? Right now!  4. If you were a writer, what would you write about most? Creative non-fiction I think, I love that genre so much. But I think I’d enjoy writing children’s books too, I’ve always loved them so much. I like critiques and reviews a lot too, it’s such a great form for writing and I love reading that kind of stuff in the mornings. Academic texts are pretty amazing too if you find topics that interest you, they usually end up blowing your mind. Looking at your Haraway.

5. Do you sometimes yell to get your point across? Not unless I’m fighting with someone in which case I get riled up. 

6. If you get a period, what symptoms do you get when you PMS? I get the usual stomach bloating and desire to devour everything IN SIGHT. My physical PMS pains are kept somewhat under control thanks to the birth control I take. However, emotionally I am a mess. 7. Is there anyone at your school with a cool accent? What kind of accent is it? Belgrade is not too diverse so most of us have a similar accent.  8. What is stressing you out most right now? Today is actually the first day in many a days that nothing is really stressing me out too much. Like I am feeling things and they are not all necessarily positive emotions but no stress. 9. Are you more smart and thoughtful or understanding and kind? Oof I really do not know. I think I am more so understanding and kind? I’m not the most thoughtful person but I think I’ve gotten to be a lot smarter in regards to this lately. 10. Who last asked you for a favor? What was it? My mom, to buy her some stuff from the pharmacy. 11. If you had to decide, what do you think people envy about you? Probably my privilege in regards to how I’ve grown up and the opportunities I’ve had, who my father is. I don’t what else, I don’t see myself that way so it makes me really uncomfortable to even think about this haha 12. If you want to get your crush’s attention, what do you do? I...don’t know? Just speak to them I suppose? Try to get to know them? I really don’t know, is there a strategy to this? 13. How long have you been single or in a relationship for? In a relationship for a year and 3 months almost 14. Are you closer to your friends or family? I think it’s a fair balance since I am really close to both

15. Do you know what you’re going to wear tomorrow? No idea, probably something similar to today haha. It depends on what I end up doing

16. Do you use white strips or anything else to whiten your teeth? Nope. 17. Are there any special events coming up? What are they? Nothing really specifically special, just nice everyday life things :3 18. When it comes to strangers, how trusting are you? Not at all trusting, it takes me months to trust friends or partners. Let alone randoms. I am always a bit on the lookout for getting hurt or manipulated. 19. If someone insults/makes fun of you, what do you do?  Use my terrifying sarcasm to slowly but surely destroy their lives. HAH 20. What color do you think represents your personality? something like a pastel blue ranging to a dark blue or a bright, deep red 21. Would you rather drive on a long straight highway or windy backroads? Windy backroads always! 23. What is the fastest you’ve ever gone in a car? Not too fast because my driving is a JOKE.  24. Have you ever seen someone break their bone in real life? No, sounds terrifying though. I have never broken a bone or had any sort of severe injury in that regard so I can’t even imagine 25. If you got to choose an animal to disappear forever, what would it be? Why? Uh, the one in the white house. <– agreed! <--- Absolutely, claps to this kween <3 26. What are the keys of your heart? Animals, laughing, cups of coffee and reading, writing something not shit, love, love, love. 27. Are you sometimes a control freak? If one can be a control freak while also simultaneously letting their life spiral out of control well then that’s yours truly. 28. If you’re online right now, do you have an away message up? What does it say? Yes HAHA it says “Right?? How fragile can your ego be my boy?? Sit yo ass down” HAHAHAHA 29. Do you know what your GPA is? Currently bordering on 9/10 but I still have 3 more exams left! 30. If you got to pick any winter sport to excel at, what would it be?  Skiing! I loved it so much when I tried but it’s so expensive to organize skiing trips. But I would really love to get better at it 31. Does it piss you off when people interrupt you? Yeah, it really frustrates me. I don’t mind heated conversations or debates where people speak over others, that’s fine, but when someone adamantly ignores you using your voice, I go nuts. 

32. What event did you last dress up for? Who went to that event? 
 Going out last Friday night. I mean “dress up”, I just wore new heels I bought. Peca and I, it turned out to be a shit night but oh well.

33. What was the last picture you took with your phone? My mom sitting under a bunch of beautiful trees at kalemegdan

34. Are you a fashion-conscious person? Where do you buy most of your clothes? Somewhat! I love clothes although my style is actually very simple but I love it that way. I adore Zara, I am honestly adorned in Zara head to toe usually. And then I’ll pick up random things wherever I find them. I love Supergas and desperately want a new pair soon! And I like finding old sunglasses in local vintage shops and such 35. Do you have trouble waking up in the morning? What gets you up and awake? Nah, not really. It takes me a little while because I like laying in bed, scrolling through social media (sigh) and esp listening to podcasts in the morning. But is all good :)

36. What’s something fun you’ve done this week? Who was there? 
 Well it’s only Monday but today was fun. Just getting to this cafe early before my friends came, reading this local paper called LiceUlice which I love and it was a lovely day and leaves were falling from the trees but it was warm. Yeah, pretty ordinary but it was fun.

37. What’s the last thing you texted someone about? Planning with Petar what we want to make for dinner tonight :)

38. When and why did you last blush? 
 I’m not sure.

39. Do you currently have a favorite song? What is it? 
 Dusty Springfield - Son of a Preacher Man and Paul Martin - Le troublant temoignage de paul martin

40. What is one thing you and your best friend have in common physically? 
We currently both have blonde hair? We honestly look so different physically so not much

41. Now based on your interests, what is one thing you both have in common? Political opinions, we both love terrible reality tv and rom-coms and she loves mystery novels which I am getting into now too!

42. What, if anything, is hanging on your refrigerator? 
 A sushi menu, a photo of me that my sister took, a bunch of magnets.

43. What is the last illegal thing you did, even the smallest crime? Probably smoking weed in the street? And crossing the street on a red light

44. How much did each individual thing you’re wearing cost? Not too much really, my shirt was on sale for 10 euro and I got my culottes for like 20 and my necklace was a cheap find at H&M

45. Is that the normal amount you spend on clothes? Yeah, it’s standard I’d say

46. Do you collect anything? Have you ever? Stones and seashells! I like postcards as well and mugs or coffee cups from places I travel.

47. What languages do you speak? 
 English and Serbian, a bit of Greek but it’s pretty bad (I can understand more so than I can speak) and a wee bit of Italian

50. Where do your grandparents live? All my grandparents have passed away. Wow. That’s really sad to think about actually.

51. When is the next time you’re going on vacation? Where to? I am going to Holland middle of November! SHOOK-ETH. To the Hague and to Amsterdam for a little little bit if we manage to organize ourselves :D

52. How well do you do in school? How are your grades compared to your siblings? I am a pretty good student at uni, I mean I try hard. And I could have done a lot better too if my attendance wasn’t so shit but oh well, YOUTH. My sister was good at university too so I’d say we are about the same. 53. Does your family eat dinner together? Who does the cooking? 
 Not really but we eat lunch together sometimes! So that’s nice. My mom usually but sometimes my dad orders in some lovely food

54. Are you usually motivated to work or are you a procrastinator?
 Mostly motivated unless I’m going through a bad phase

55. Has the last month been really stressful for you? Yeah even though I technically haven’t had any obligations but I think that’s what has been stressful for me. It’s insane for the first time since kindergarten having this open space ahead of you without any rules or structure. It’s starting to feel liberating rn but was awful the past few weeks. 

56. What do you base first impressions on? (Behavior, clothing, etc.)
 Sadly I do base some of it on clothing and such. Not as a judgement, just that I think that style and such reflects character. But also just the way someone speaks and to what degree they are open, I have a good intuition about that sort of stuff

57. Who do you know that is a vegetarian? How about a vegan? 
 A few people and a ton of my mom’s friends are vegan, effing yogis I love them.

58. When is the last time you went out to dinner with a friend? Where did you go? Who paid?
 Umm peca and I got wok (this thai place) last Saturday. Does that count? We split.  59. What was the last thing to surprise you? Hmm my mama bought me flowers today. Which was surprising because we got into a nasty fight the other day and haven’t really discussed it yet. But yeah, it warmed my heart a little bit.

[wayneooverton]

How to win friends and influence people on Instagram

Oh man, Instagram. That old thing. That photo app we love to hate. I wonder how sorry I would feel for myself if I knew the exact amount of times I opened Instagram and hit refresh per day. Shivers.

If I had to hanker a guess, I’d say around 20,000. You know, just to err on the side of caution.

Like most things in life, I go through phases on Instagram, of being so in love with it I have to be on for 24/7 and then other times where I consider deleting it. “Man, my latest sunset mountain photo only got 2,500 likes, what’s wrong with me? This is shit. I’m shit. Everyone hates me. I give up.”

Somehow, often my self-worth is tied to how successful I am on Instagram, or even worse, how successful OTHER people are. What. The. Fuck. How did it come to this?

My goodness, what is the world coming to when you feel like you are no longer validated because only 2,500 people you’ve never met before liked a picture you took. Then you upload a shot that gets 4,000 likes, and hot damn you’re back in business.

It’s a vicious cycle guys.

I’m the first to admit, I’ve been a dedicated slave to the Instagram for years. I mean, we go way back. Like iPhone 3 way back. Almost 5 years we’ve been together.

You see me and Instagram, we’ve had a tough relationship. You know, love hate. Hot and then cold, yes and then no. Or something like that. It’s the same with McDonald’s. You don’t people to know you actually like it, but then you end up drunkenly taking a taxi through the drive-through at 4 am. Nobody wants to admit that actually, on the inside, they really want those chicken nuggets. Badly.

*Crickets*

Wow, I’ve come a loooooong way since my first Instagram post!

  But I digress. Over the years I have really loved Instagram – I still do, deep down. I learned to become a better photographer through the app, to try and become more of a visual storyteller. At the end of the day I’ve met so many incredible people through Instagram, shared so many unique moments and built my own community of followers of thousands of people, and that makes me smile. That’s what it’s for right?

Through Instagram I’ve become a keen photographer, and through it I’ve learned to challenge myself creatively.

But I’m also part of that small percentage of people who also use Instagram for business. I was New Zealand’s first professional Instagrammer, and I’ve built Instagram into my overall business strategy. In addition to my blog, it’s a large part of my work.

And when I see other people directly effecting my work, I get pissed. Guys, I’M SO PISSED

So here we go, the rant you all have been waiting for. It’s been a while, I’ve been letting you down, let me make it up to you. Are you ready?

There are two ways to be successful on Instagram; one is doing it the honest way – building up your brand, sharing high quality shots, being really active and engaged in the community, being creative and original in what you’re doing, and above all, actually be passionate about the photos and stories you’re sharing. You know, actually adhering to Instagram’s T’s and C’s, being ethical and honest, and authentic and genuine. What’s that word everyone forgets? Ah yes, having integrity.

Hell, I even co-launched my own conference called the Travel Bootcamp teaching people how to build a career in this industry.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Instagram

And then there is option B. Cheating and manipulating your way to the top, which has somehow become the popular choice these days amongst the youths and Instagram newbies. Why work hard when you can pay to get it done instead?

Cheating is rampant on Instagram these days. Rampant I say! It’s everywhere. I ignored it for the longest time, wanting to believe the best in people, many of whom are colleagues and friends of mine. But it’s getting so ridiculous now I can’t keep quiet.

So many people are exceptionally lazy. They want the success that comes with having a huge Instagram following but don’t want to put in the hours of hard work yourself. Don’t worry, I’ll make it easy . So check it out, how to fake being authentic 101. A step by step guide. Here are my best tips for cheating and manipulating your way to the top on Instagram. Good luck!

1. Go out and buy some followers

For less than $70, you can get 10,000 Instagram followers! That’s enough to start elbowing your way into this industry. But seriously, buying followers for your Instagram is so 2014. I mean come on, at least try to be more creative than that. There are far sneakier and better ways to get more followers fast than just straight up buying them. Jeez.

2. Get automatic likes on your photos

SO over the years most of us have really felt the drop on Instagram engagement, right? The number of likes and comments you get on your photos often matter more than the follower number. I’ve never worked harder on Instagram than I have been, and I follow all of their rules and suggestions to a tee for five years, and I’ve been suffering from it while watching other people cheat their way to the top without a second thought.

My engagement for my follower count actually isn’t that great, and no matter how hard I try, I can barely keep it steady let alone grow it with the way the algorithms are working. And as soon as I experiment with my shots, it plummets. And my numbers are so skewed because my followers keep growing, mostly from my blog I reckon. I’ve never been more proud of my feed and my photos than I am now, and I’m so bummed that so few of my followers or new people even see it. And I’m not alone.

But don’t worry, there are ways around it. Did you know that you can pay for a monthly service that dumps fake likes on your photos when you upload them? How great is that? You don’t have to do anything and if you get enough of them quickly, you might even show up on the Explore Page! And would you believe me if I told you dozens if not hundreds of people who might even be one of your favorite Instagrammers are doing that too! What’s a little casual fraud in between Instagram posts, right? It’s not like it inflates the entire platform and makes people who aren’t cheating look bad or anything. It’s also faking your own influence.

3. Originality is dead, guys

As much as Instagram touts the idea of being creative photographers and storytellers, does it actually back it up on the platform? Is creativity really rewarded these days on Instagram? Instagram’s own Instagram feed is all about creative projects, unusual themes and cool people doing cool stuff. But is that the content that is actually rewarded on the platform?

NOPE.

What is rewarded is people copying each other over and over and over again. The same pose, the same locations, the same outfits, even the same filters. How many people have become huge landscape travel Instagrammers because they’ve traveled to Iceland and the Faroe Islands, posed in front of cabins and woodpiles and laid on the VSCO moody PNW filters a little too hard. Cough cough, I can think of tons. I mean, Socality Barbie was popular for a reason.

I mean fads are fads, and trends are trends for a reason; and they are highly effective. Beautiful places are popular for a reason, but what about those spots that people have strategically shot over and over and shared repeatedly just to build an image. You know, wearing a fedora hat and a blanket.

But I’ve worked with people over the years, some of whom are huge btw, who blatantly admit that they look out for trendy places, then go there knowing that their photos will be the best. People who don’t consider going to places that might be under the radar, but actually look for locations to shoot in those spots from people who’ve been there before just so they can take a version that will be more popular. Or peruse Pinterest and rip off other people’s ideas as their own. Jesus Christ, does it get any lazier than that?

So come visit me in Wanaka! You might not have heard, but we have this Insta-famous tree in the lake AND a ridge view called Mt. Roy, both of which have been ruined by trendy Instagrammers! You post photos from here and you’re guaranteed double engagement!

4. Be hot and show your butt off

I’m mostly talking about girls here, just so we are clear. Statistically thinking, you have a 75% chance of growing your Instagram account by 50% if you post photos of yourself in underwear or bikinis with an emphasis on your bum. It jumps up another 10% if you have a thigh gap.* Too bad my thigh gap is limited by my nugget consumption.

2. You may not post violent, nude, partially nude, discriminatory, unlawful, infringing, hateful, pornographic or sexually suggestive photos or other content via the Service. Instagram’s Terms of Use

Um, good one!

*Disclosure, I just made that up.

5. Date someone bigger than you

Need to grow a following really quick? Start dating someone who’s Insta-famous, and be prepared to hang on for the ride! Even better if they are a good photographer. Instagram husbands anyone? And nothing grows a following quite like being a hot power couple on Instagram. Actually, if I’m being totally fair here, I am not quite sure there is anything wrong with this, I’m probably just being petty.

After all nothing is more annoying that oversharing oversexualized happy couples on Instagram, right? God I’m so bitter.

6. Steal other people’s ideas

I learned my lesson a few years ago. I have always been a candid person, and I talk about what I’m working on or goals I have openly. Til I got burned again and again by Instagrammers ripping off my work.

I learned the hard way not to talk about projects I’m in the middle of working on (at the risk of having them outpitched from under me – happened to me more than a few times), to shots I was planning to take, to my favorite locations to local spots to trips I was working on. I hate it, but it’s happened too many times that I’ve mentioned it to someone only to have that person try and pull the rug out from under me.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m the kind of person that if you tell me something you’re working on, I’ll either try to help you get there or be supportive of it. It wouldn’t even occur to me to steal someone’s idea. As a creative, I find that behavior HORRENDOUS.

There is a big difference between being inspired by someone and ripping off other people’s work, and it’s something that happens all the time on Instagram, shamelessly.

7. Don’t hate the player, hate the game

There are so many games you can play on Instagram that are far from the Candy Crush variety. One of the biggest ways people game Instagram is following and unfollowing people. Back in the day, people used to do this manually. Follow a bunch of people per day, then unfollow the ones who didn’t follow you back or just unfollow again anyways. What trickery!

Then it got sophisticated and there are apps that you can use that will automatically follow and unfollow for you. Bear in mind it violates Instagram’s terms to authorize apps like that, and it’s pretty fun to go stalk people on SocialBlade to see who’s cheating this way. You just enter in the name of any Instagrammer on a desktop, then click on their IG page and then click detailed stats and have fun!

This is a highly effective way to grow your account because it brings real people in the meantime over to your page. The downside of course, besides being highly unethical, means you aren’t in control of your account anymore and god knows who you’re following. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to follow that nazi account, oops!”

8. Not who you seem to be

There are a few people, who shall remain nameless, mostly because I’m scared, who were the ultimate Instagram sneaks.

Like, having a feature account, which is to say a big account on Instagram that just reshares other people’s photos. Sometimes crediting the owners, most of the time just straight up ripping it off. Building a huge following only posting the best of the best, which isn’t even yours, then one day deleting all the photos and reposting your own as a personal account on Instagram.

Yes, people have done it, and some very, very successfully, though of course never admitting it.

I have two words for those people – dodgy motherf*ckers!

9. You don’t even have to be on the app

Did you know that you don’t even need to be on Instagram yourself? You can authorize apps that go and like and comment on stuff for you. I mean, I’m sure you’ve all seen it. Random comments on your photos that don’t make sense. I’ve called out bloggers who comment on all my photos but don’t actually follow me. Or better yet, friends of mine of leave comments on porn or other dirty pages. I’m sure you didn’t mean “wow what a great shot” of a teenager in a thong.

No one likes a spammer!

There are so many Instagrammers who are now super famous who got their start doing this one or two years ago. Because it brings real people over to your page, you get real growth and engagement, never mind that you didn’t even do it yourself and it’s super dodgy and straight up violates several of Instagram’s terms. Why you would do this is beyond me, let alone take the risk of losing your account.

10. Don’t be a dick! 

It’s up to you whether or not you want to be a douche. I have to believe that at the end of the day, this kind of behavior will fail. It’s not a long-term solution to this kind of work, and I think that if you build a career on deceit and lies, it will blow up in your face.

Who said that breaking into this industry and being famous on Instagram would be easy? You have to work your ass off at it, often for years before seeing any kind of real success. I have been in this industry for seven years, that’s right seven years of work! It never stops!

Real influence and real success takes real work. 

I’m mad because this terrible behavior is straight fucking up the industry on a big scale. It’s not a little problem, it’s rampant, and nothing is being done about it. It skews the numbers and screws over people who have worked and been ethical.

And here’s a shameless little self-promo: sick of seeing this kind of behavior combined with seeing a real lack of hard, credible advice to help break into the travel industry, my business partners Lauren Bath, Georgia Rickard and I co-launched our own conference, the Travel Bootcamp last year. An intensive one day, no BS workshop, we give you all the tools and facts no one talks about that will help you get paid to travel like us. Between us we’ve traveled to over 100 countries, worked for over a decade in the industry and make six figure salaries from it.

Our next Bootcamp is in a couple of weeks in Melbourne on April 29th if you want to come – we have a few tickets left.

Get your tickets to the Travel Bootcamp Melbourne here!

Have you heard of this stuff before? Can you believe it? What kind of terrible behavior have you seen on Instagram? Spill!

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