#I’ve always been playing the Wii at least once a month-

[in-the-bushes-miki]

Oooh thanks for tag! Sorry it took a while! 💕

01 - are you named after anyone?

I don’t know if this counts but one of my uncles really liked my name and tried to get his name legally changed to (my) name (before I was born) but the people rejected the name because it was a feminine name, so when my uncle heard that my mom was going to have me, he begged my mom to put the name he liked on me, so so my mom did. which the name today im not a fan of my own name and is kinda basic in my opinion, but i would have been named Aurora if it wasn’t for him but I don’t think Aurora would fit me either lol.

02 - when was the last time you cried?

Today because I couldn’t see you 🥺💔

03- do you have kids?

Does OCs count as children? (I always refers to my OC as children) I could have a small classroom with the amount I have.

In RL, I have two.

.

.

(They are my friends thy are just a few months younger than me, I’m the oldest in my friend group, and so they are my children)😘🥰

04 - what sports do you play/have played?

Wii sports next question.

.

.

(I’ll be honest I’m not a big fan of sports the only sports I wouldn’t mind playing is badminton)

05 - Do you use sarcasm?

I guess I do? I got confirmation from my children so quickly that I do, but I don’t even notice it myself…. 🥲

06 - What is the first thing you notice about people?

I’m be honest I don’t go out often but when I do I usually pretty paranoid and make sure I know where people hands are at all times.

But if it’s familiar people usually tone of voice and body language to tell their mood.

07 - what your eye color?

The eye color of your dream person ����

08 - scary movies or happy endings?

Im be honestly I was little confused with this question I don’t if it mean like a “bad” ending or a happy ending instead of scary movie?

But I honestly I don’t watch scary movies cause it always got me SMH.

But I don’t mind bad or good endings but I love me some bittersweet endings 🥰

09- Any talents?

Im be honest I don’t think so? At least nothing I’m aware with.

10 - Where were you born?

In U S A. S O I L 🦅🦅🇺🇸

🗣️ MY PRONOUNCE ARE U S A 🦅🦅🦅🦅

What a place to live at… 🌚

11 - What are your hobbies?

Aside from drawing nothing really lol, I frankly don’t even know what I do.

12- do you have any other pets?

I have two feral cat (and kitten), She is so sweet and pretty, she also got those fluff tail 🥰

13 - how tall are you?

Below average….so ankle biter 😘

14 - favorite subject in school?

environment science, astronomy and psychology (criminal science, child and adult psychology,etc) (so I guess just science subjects lol)

Expect chemistry, chemistry had me on a chock hold… (unless it was the teachers fault cause he barely teached) but it ruined my honor roll 🌚

Same thing with language base classes….

But I’ve done good in every other aspect in school they are just aren’t that interesting 😗

(This makes me sound so studious and I’m really am not, I don’t study for tests and just leave it to fate) 😅

15 - dream job?

I wonder….. 😘💕

For my lovely cutie patooties, if you are free~ 💕🥰

(Or if you haven’t been tagged yet)

@nevvn @blithesharem @susujelly @ut-raya @once-in-a-blood-moon @impish-ivy @sane-omblog

Aaahhh, thank you so much for the tag @king-a-queen!! 💚💚

15 Questions Tag Game

01 - Are you named after anyone?

First name: nope Second name: yep, after my grandma

02 - When was the last time you cried?

About a week ago bc I was laughing too hard Also techinically this morning. My eyes just started tearing up a bit while I was still in bed & staring against the wall. I guess that white wall was just tugging at my heartstrings

03 - Do you have kids?

The only children I have are my OCs <3 My current beloved OCs are Aym, Marchosias (💖💖💖💖💖), and Baal; all for Obey Me

04 - What sports do you play/have you played?

So as a kid, I took MSE (self-defense) classes, I did ballet for a short while, and I played badminton. But now I'm not really doing much sports anymore. I'm occasionally working out in a sad attempt to stay healthy but that's...not working out all that well because I keep forgetting about it lol. That being said, I walk anywhere as long as it's a walkable distance away (to me, that's around 90min max), idc it's the European mindset. Der Fußbus hält überall :)

05 - Do you use sarcasm?

As if I would ever smh what are these accusations

06 - What is the first thing you notice about people?

When I pass strangers on the street, I try to look for little moments that bring them joy. That being said, 90% of the time I'm just lost in my own thoughts & have completely tunnel vision, so imagine noticing anything 😭 When I first meet people tho, it's usually the way they look at you, which tbh is a little ironic because I sometimes just cannot look people in the eyes NFDHSKGJHKSDLGS

07 - What's your eye color?

They used to be blue, but now they're more of a greyish green with a few brown spots in them

08 - Scary movies or happy endings?

Okay endings, actually! Where characters don't get the happy ending they were hoping for, and some things are still a little messy, but all in all things are okay and they finally get to breath again. Though I guess that's kind of a happy ending? lol

09 - Any talents?

My newest talent is being able to imitate the cry of an owl. My sister explained it to me earlier & once I got it to work I've been doing it non-stop until I got lightheaded 😭 Worth it tho Other than that, being able to teach myself the basics of a lot of things within a day (one of the upsides of ADHD), as well as abandoning a lot of my projects after a while because I suddenly decided to start a completely different one (one of the downsides of ADHD) I also have a real talent for writing angst. Ask any of my closer mutuals, I keep terrorizing them with my ideas (love you guys 💖) And finally: telling myself that I'll go to sleep early & then it's 5am

10 - Where were you born?

in Germanyyy fun fact: I was born more or less close to a town that has a store called 'Mephisto' lol

11 - What are your hobbies?

being insane, obviously 💚 some of my mutuals can surely attest to that lol No, but in general I enjoy writing & drawing, as well as, uhm. Randomly deciding to take up multiple really time-consuming projects, such as the OM card rec thing I did that I still need to update ahhhh, my Obey Me OC & MC ask game that originally had 200+ questions before I cut it in half out of fear of it being too long, half of my side blogs, and SOOOO many other things. <- or in short, being insane 💚 I also really love cooking & baking! Side note, if anyone wants an easy chocolate lava cake recipe, you just need to ask... 👀 Also lately it's just been romancing Thanatos in Hades because I randomly remembered that I hadn't done that yet

12 - Do you have any pets?

I used to have clownfish and a starfish, but other than that I've never had any myself. I love the dogs I dogsit with all my heart tho, and there is this cat that I sometimes meet on my way to work. She always runs up to me when she sees me and won't stop meowing until I start petting her, and last time she climbed onto my lap (I sat down in the middle of the sidewalk, I did not care lmao), she's literally the sweetest 😭😭 I also ring the doorbell for her whenever it rains so she doesn't have to stay outside lol

13 - How tall are you?

1,68m or 5'6 if I got the conversion correct lol

14 - Favourite subject in school?

Heavily depended on the teacher, but generally art class because we usually got to work on whatever we wanted with and listen to music. Also English in 9th grade, math in 10th and German in 11th because the teachers were great

15 - Dream job?

I've been thinking of translations in general/software localizition for a while now. I just love dissecting all the small differences between languages (D.D.D.s being called 'D3' my beloved), + there are so many invisble choices made when translating. You'll always lose something because every language has its little quirks and a different mindset that can't be translated directly, but you'll also gain something that the original version didn't have. It's an art form in itself, and I really love that <3 The other job that keeps popping into my mind is event mangement. I already get to organize a ton of things for my uni since I'm part of the student council for one of my two majors. It's exhausting, but also really rewarding when you have people come up to you afterwards to tell you how much fun they had!

No pressure tags for a bunch of people, hehe >:) @alpine-forget-me-nots @healersadjust @misc-magic @sweetbrier2908 @reblogs-are-the-love @shootingstarrfish @mjoria @too-much-gacha @layphie @katboykirby @ghostlyyraccoon @lost-in-lamentation @bagofwetmice @glamphantasm @wizardthesai @mellonyheart @arlatthan as well as anyone else that wants to join!

[tarantulas4davey]

race is a plant gay and if he goes to the store by himself its pretty much guaranteed that hes gonna come back with a plant

al cant make thats what she said jokes when playing among us with specs and/or romeo but he says them on reflex so he will be halfway through the phrase before he realizes he cant say that and tries and fails to save it

the instruments al plays and why (and where i reveal my true colors as a band kid): he played marimba in symphonic band, tenor drums in marching band, drum kit for jazz band, piano cause it looked fun, and violin out of spite because he was told hed stink at it.

al once offhandedly mentioned that there was a specific chip brand that was his favorite but he could never find and for a solid month their po box was filled with nothing but those chips

race got to do a make-up tutorial with al as his victim subject because al lost a bet that he could go an entire video without cussing

they got a massive german shepard and its basically a 100 pound over excited puppy. al posts a video to his tiktok of it knocking race over.

when race is playing horror games, he plays them on their couch because al is always right next to him and its easier to fear-cuddle that way

al constantly turns off superchat because he feels terrible when fans try to give him money. once he forgot to disable it while streaming among us and he was the imposter and he said during a meeting that if he recieved $300 in donations he would say who the imposter was and he got the money immediately. he was so shocked and felt so terrible he outed himself as the imp and tried to give the money back to the people that donated

race commented on a comp of al making fans simp for him saying "dont tell him i told you this but i think hes kinda cute" and their fans freaked tf out realizing that race actually watched their clips

when al gets really focused he'll start chewing his lip so the focused intense murder face + biting his lip has fans (and race) fuckin thorsty

oh BOY these are fun

this is gonna take me forever cause i’m in theology and my teacher’s an asshat but ✨let’s get into it✨

- such a plant gay omg. absolutely zero window sills, tables, bathrooms, balconies, shelves or bedside tables are safe from race’s plant obsession. he names all of them and loves them with his whole soul.

- romeo and specs banned him from ‘that’s what she said’ jokes and so in response whenever they’re talking in proximity chat he’ll say ‘that’s what he said’ as a replacement. it gets extra memed cause people keep asking race if he ACTUALLY said these things. also he sometimes still messes it up and says ‘she’ and race’s dramatic ass does the *whip around and gay gasp* “who is ‘SHE’ in this scenario, hmm?”

- he really is a percussion kid, isnt he? the only thing he can play on violin is the wii theme but it counts. he can also bass (cause bass players are hot i said what i said) and a few songs on ukelele that sarah taught him

- yes ! same thing happened when race said he wished they sold jolly ranchers by flavor cause he only likes the blue ones, there was nothing but blue jolly ranchers for at least 2 weeks

- race was very excited to torture do makeup on al and albert was pretending he didn’t LITERALLY subject himself to this cause he forgot he couldn’t cuss all of 20 minutes in and swore no less than 12 times under his breath after jack saw him vent while on cool down. race smugly covers al in colorful and shimmery eyeshadow and red lipstick. he also puts fake lashes on him with katherine’s help (just so he doesn’t accidentally blind al in the process)

- this is probably a bit later when they’re living in an actual house and not their current set up, but yes !! they strike me as big dog people. race gets knocked down about 50% of the time the dog decides to jump on him, whereas al has only been knocked down once and it was when both race and the dog jumped at him at the same time. al regularly picks up the dog for the meme cause he thinks it’s funny to carry this massive dog around like a baby.

- the fear-cuddle 🥺 the standard for horror games when al plays solo is in the game room in the dark with a candle (cause al has no fear) but they play in their living room with the multicolor light setup when race is there cause then he can have a cat and a controller to start, grab al when he gets scared and hide into al when he can’t keep playing. overall a good setup

- jdhdhd HE SO WOULD. people just wanna donate to support him (or for the lols) but he’ll only turn it on during drinking streams with the whole group where they’re just chatting and playing random games cause he does truth or dare for donations, or if they’re doing a charity stream (for obvious reasons) but y e a h if he leaves it on and says something like that as a joke and then actually gets it he feels so guilty and immediately tells the group what happened. he called an emergency meeting for it once (also random among us fact albert is BOSS at jester. looking sus is SO EASY for him cause he doesn’t usually have any tells so he just adds a random tell or two and the group is like ‘damn al’s bad today’ and then he gets a jester win)

- i’ve always thought theyve done videos of them reacting to compilations/edits and stuff for race’s channel but they also just like,,,, genuinely watch everything fans make for them and it always still manages to shock fans (also race commenting that fjhdhevd)

- yesss the murder face. he bites his lip and messes with his lip ring (!!!! friendly reminder al has a lip ring, i mention it in the face reveal) and just has this like angry glint in his eyes and all his followers (and his boyfriend) are already simps so they just,,,,, cannot with this. they’re so thirsty on twitter it’s not even funny 🤚

ahhhhhhhhhh i love i love i love

[gabriel-agreste-has-no-rights]

Rating: T

Summary: Home is where the heart is. And sometimes, home is a room Cataclysmed out of the sewers beneath Paris. At least it has a stocked fridge, a pretty comfy couch, and Chat Noir's Nintendo Switch. Oh, and some pretty good company, too. (Or, the one where the heroes from season 2 essentially move into a homemade apartment.)

Word Count: 1797 | Chapter 1/?

Notes: for @landturtlealyce, one of the @mlbforblm giveaway winners! The drive is now over, but it’s still always a good time to check out colorofchange.org!  More notes on this AU are on AO3, but the tldr is everyone’s 20 in this and no one knows each others’ identities.

XXX

“Aaaaaah!  This is so sick!”  Rena Rouge clapped her palms to her cheeks as she took in the underground hideout.  

Marinette knew it wasn’t much—practically just a boxlike room Cataclysmed out of the Paris sewers—but it was off the grid, a place Hawkmoth wouldn’t think to look for them.  And thanks to a few rounds of her Lucky Charm, the room had furniture that wouldn’t have fit through the small door otherwise.  A red-and-black spotted sofa took up most of the space in the middle, but a small refrigerator was crammed behind a stone counter that served as the division between “living room” and “kitchen.” A tall lamp cast a warm glow across the stone walls.

Extension cords hidden against the walls allowed them to borrow the sewer’s electricity.  Was that stealing?  Maybe, but even heroes of Paris had to keep their food cold somehow.

“Dude, you have a Switch?  Please tell me you have Just Dance 2023.” 

Carapace was already flipping through the games Chat Noir had brought.  Marinette had tried to insist that they didn’t have time to play video games, but Chat said it would be good practice in case Hawkmoth ever akumatized Gamer 4.0.  She couldn’t argue with that.  (Especially since it was too much fun to crush him at Ultimate Mecha Strike V.)

“I do, but the Wii versions are way better,” Chat pointed to the other console he’d already set up.  “We should play 2015.  That one’s got Holding Out for a Hero.”

“We’re not here to play games, kitty,” Marinette reminded him.  They’d have time for that later, but she didn’t want Rena Rouge and Carapace to think they were too casual about their jobs.

“But if we are, I’d mop the floor with you all.”  Rena crossed her arms.

“Psh, have you seen my dance moves, fox lady?”

“I don’t need to.  The only one who’s ever managed to reach my score is my boyfriend.”

“Well, the only one who’s ever managed to top my score is my girlfriend.”

Chat Noir sighed from his spot leaning against the rough-hewn wall.  “I wish I had a girlfriend to kick my butt at video games.”

He turned and fluttered his golden lashes at her.

“Maybe you’d be better off practicing a dating simulator.”  She smirked.

“Ah, but none of them could ever turn me down as cleverly as you.”

Rena strode between them and put her hands on her hips.  “Alright, alright, enough flirting.  We can play games after Ladybug tells us why she brought us here.”

“Hey, I brought you guys here too,” Chat pouted.

“Sorry, why you both brought us here.”

“Alright.” Marinette nodded towards the couch.  “You guys can have a seat.  Chat and I will take the bean bags.”  Those weren’t created by her superpowers, so they were the soft pink of her old bedroom.

“Aww, you don’t want to cuddle on the sofa with me?  I make a great lap cat, you know.”  He winked.

She rolled her eyes.  He’d gotten bolder ever since they’d started working on this hideout together.  She didn’t really mind, though—it had actually kept him more focused during akuma battles, since he didn’t have to cram in fighting and flirting all at once.

“So you and Chat Noir still aren’t dating?”  Rena asked, crossing her legs as she sat on the couch.  Carapace lounged next to her, his arms over the back.  “I thought, with the secret hideout…”

“And since there’s only one couch…” Carapace wiggled his eyebrows beneath his hood.

Marinette nearly faceplanted on her way to the fridge.  That probably would’ve been less embarrassing than facing Carapace’s question.

“First of all, no.”  She pulled out the gallon of milk and slammed it on the counter.  “Second of all, this is a strictly professional hideout.  For team bonding, meetings, and recharging kwamis.”

“I for one would still like to professionally cuddle.”  Chat raised his hand from his spot on the bean bag.

Marinette gulped her milk straight from the jug.  She didn’t have the energy to grab a cup after dealing with all this.  (Plus, she’d forgotten to bring the cups here.)

“Guys, leave Ladybug alone,” Rena said.  “She didn’t have to invite us to her ultra secret base.”

“Thank you,” she breathed in exasperation.

Chat pointed to her face.  “You’ve got a little, uh…”

She felt the milk drip off her chin.  Right.

She wiped her mouth on the back of her wrist, put up the milk, and plopped down on the other beanbag.  

“Anyway.”  She glared at each of the heroes, who each sat up straighter.  “I really need us all to get serious for a moment.  I’m sure you guys have noticed that things have changed.  Mayura has become more active.  We’ve faced sentimonsters as often as akumas, and more often both at once.”

Just thinking about it made her exhausted.  She’d never been more glad to have help from her team than in these last few months.  There was no way she could pass her second-year classes if she and Chat Noir were the only active heroes.

So the news she was about to give Rena and Carapace was long in coming.

“If you’re up to it, I’d like you to keep your miraculouses full time now.”

Carapace’s jaw dropped.  Rena Rouge grinned, her faux ears quivering.

“No way!  I mean, yes!  Of course I’m up for it!”

“Me too, but… what about the Master dude?”  Carapace frowned.  “Wayzz is his kwami too, isn’t he?  Won’t they miss each other?”

Marinette shared a look with Chat Noir.  They’d discussed what they’d tell their partners before inviting them here, but this topic hadn’t come up.  It wasn’t like Rena or Carapace knew Master Fu personally; the kwamis flew their miraculouses to them each time they were needed.  But Wayzz must have shared enough stories for Carapace to care about him.

“If we’re going to be a team, we need to be honest with each other,” Chat said with uncharacteristic seriousness.  “The Master is gone.”

“Gone?”  Rena gaped.

“Gone, like… dead?” Carapace whispered.

“No, no!”  Chat said, he and Marinette both waving their arms.

“His memory has been fading for a long time now,” she admitted.  “He’s still able function, but he doesn’t want to risk making any mistakes with the miraculouses.  He deserves the rest, anyway.  Last week was his 192nd birthday.”

Carapace whistled, sinking further into the couch.

“Is he okay, though?” Rena’s eyebrows drew together.

“He’s all good, don’t worry,” Chat Noir assured in his own comforting way.  “His friend is taking care of him.  They’re heading back to China, so he’ll be safe from Hawkmoth, too.”

“Wayzz didn’t tell me that when he came today.  I hope the little dude’s taking it alright.”

“It’s going to be hard on all of the kwamis.  The Master has been their only friend for years.” Marinette stood, moving to open a cabinet at the top of the entertainment center.  “That’s another reason I’ve invited you here.  Protecting the kwamis is a greater responsibility than I can handle on my own.”

Rena, Carapace, and even Chat leaned forward as she gently set down the Miracle Box.  Well, box was a loose term—it looked more like a giant polka-dotted egg ever since Master Fu had passed it on to her.  She was still studying the grimoire to learn how to disguise it again.  Until then, the Miracle Box was safer in this hideout than in the apartment she shared with three other girls.

“We won’t let you down, Ladybug.”  Rena Rogue nodded with determination.

“Yeah, we’re with you, lady bro.”  Carapace smiled.  “Though I’ve gotta ask—are you showing this off to all us temp heroes?  You don’t know who we are.  If Hawkmoth got ahold of us...”

“It’s a risk we’re willing to take now.”

Only Chat knew how long it had taken for her to reach that decision.  He’d been the one to suggest it, actually.  Hawkmoth and Mayura clearly worked together in a unified offense.  The only way the heroes could stand against them would be by relying on each other.

“Does that mean we’re revealing our identities too?”  Rena Rouge asked.

“As much as I’d like to blind you with my beauty,” Chat Noir flipped his hair, “it’s still not safe enough for that.”

“Aw.” Rena’s ears drooped.

“You won’t need to stay transformed the whole time you’re here, though.  I’ve made masks for each of you, in case your kwamis need to rest.”  Since they were adults, they wouldn’t automatically detransform after using their powers, but it would take a toll on their kwamis eventually.  Besides, they might want to hang out with their friends in the Miracle Box.

Marinette replaced the box, then pointed out the four hooks near the door.  “Carapace, yours comes with a hood.  I wasn’t sure how to make it resemble your suit otherwise.”

Rena sprung up and ran to grab hers.  “Wow, I wasn’t expecting it to be so soft.  Once we’re done kicking Hawkmoth’s butt, you could go into costume design.”

Marinette laughed nervously.  “Oh, it was nothing!  Just a little something I threw together.”

“Don’t be so modest, bugaboo.  You’re amazing at anything you put your mind to.”  Chat rested his elbow on her shoulder.  She rolled her eyes, but didn’t push him away.

“There’s only four masks,” Carapace said, stepping up behind them.  “What about Queenie, and Ryuuko, and the others?  Are they not getting the VIP tour?”

“I told you they’d ask.” Chat’s voice betrayed the smirk Marinette couldn’t see.

“And I told you, I still don’t trust Queen Bee.  And the others are too inexperienced.  We can phase them in later, but I want them to prove they can keep their own identities secret before we trust them with our hideout.”

Ryuuko, Viperion, Pegasus, and King Monkey had technically been heroes for about three years, but they were called in so infrequently that the experience hardly counted.  Plus, there was the fact that the secret base was simply too small to fit all nine heroes.

Rena nodded.  “Can’t blame you there.  Queenie reminds me of this spoiled brat I knew back in lycée.”

“Same, actually,” Marinette mumbled.  If it wasn’t for the fact that Chloé Bourgeois would never lift a manicured fingernail to help someone else, Marinette would almost think she was Queen Bee.  Maybe she had a slightly-less-obnoxious cousin?

“Hey, let’s be nice to our teammate.  Pollen must have picked her for a reason,” Chat said.  “...Even if none of us has a clue what that reason is.”

“We’ll still work with her, dude.  I’m just happy we don’t have to share the party house.”  Carapace grinned.  “And speaking of partying… can we play Just Dance 2023?”

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #2: August 9, 2021

I really don't have much to write about today; I suppose everything was pretty average.

I woke up at 7:00, accidentally passed out for 20 minutes, then woke back up and talked to my friends.

Had a fight with my mom as to why I actually need to get a shower in the morning and she doesn't, for I actually go to work and she stays at home all day, but she once again refused the idea that I should have any sort of shower priority.

I did end up getting a shower, brushed my hair, and put on my SHAPING UNDERWEAR!!! EEEEEEEE oh my FLUFF I love these things!!! It's so easy to feel confident in my sexy ass clothes that actually make me feel good.

I relaxed for a bit and talked to my partner because I didn't start work until later, 11:30 to be exact. I made breakfast at 10:45 and once again had a fight with my mom because she gets absolutely pissed off at me whenever I eat breakfast that late, despite the fact that I won't get home to eat dinner until 8:00PM and want to have my meals more evenly spread out so I won't be hungry all day.

It seems that no matter how hard you try, nor how good your reasons are, you can't defeat a narcissist with a "because I said so" attitude and a feeling of authority.

That's one thing: I don't give away respect. I don't believe my parents deserve my respect, and so they don't get any. Everyone else, including my teachers and boss, have always been nice to me and understanding, and so I'm nice and understanding in return, in addition to doing what they say. In fact, I'm automatically nice to people if I'm just meeting them; the only thing that will change that is if they show me that they're a bad person.

But yeah, work was fun, despite the fact that I was tired af all day lol. I basically just hung clothes, cleaned up, rotated stock, and helped customers.

I'd much rather be at work than be at home.

I got home and ate some pizza that was in the fridge and watched some Steven Universe. I then decided that I wanted to use the PlayStation 4, of which no one else was using and of which I had not touched in at least 5 months.

Here's a little backstory with that console:

We have absolute trash wifi range. Like, it doesn't reach more than 30 feet. So naturally, my brother wants to keep the PlayStation in the living room where not only does it bother everyone else if it's being used by one person, but, of course, the wifi doesn't reach. In addition to that, I've taken the time to buy and install a proper surround system in the room my brother and I share, and I have a 120hz 55" that I picked up and fixed myself. Not to mention the wifi actually reaches here and you can play games. But of course, my brother refuses to play it on anything other than the 40" in the living room for no reason other than he wants to.

And so, as my brother and mom get ready to use the TV to play Mario Kart on his Switch that my mom bought him, I go to grab the PS4, but I'm instantly told that I'm not allowed to use it unless it's in the living room.

"But I can't play anything out here; the wifi doesn't reach. Not to mention, you're using this TV."

"So wait until we're done and then play it."

"But I can't play it out here."

"Yes you can, the wifi reaches."

"No, it literally doesn't."

"Well then play it out here anyway"

"Why?"

"Because."

And of course, that exchange went on for a stupidly long amount of time until my mom pulled the "JORDAN" card and screamed for my dad, just like she always fucking does. I got fed up with it and just grabbed it anyway and brought it back to my lair (which is referring to the shared room with my brother where I keep all of the electronics and distractions that keep me sane) and turned it on, only to be met by a 45 minute mandatory update for the game.

What the hell is up with consoles today and needing huge updates almost every time you turn the thing on? Xbox 360 occasionally needed updates, but those took like a minute half the time. Stuff like the PS2, Xbox, and Wii never needed that. Can't there just be a plug and play console anymore? That would be absolutely great.

On another note, now that I've finished that rant, I guess, I'm probably gonna go shopping tomorrow even though I want to buy a new Laserdisc player. Then again, looking good and feeling good in my own skin are way more important to me than a good LD player, sooooo...

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to talk about. Thanks for letting me blab.

Be good people.

Thanks,

Leonna.

[rainbowwing251]

Yo! How’ve you been? If it ain’t too much trouble, could you spare some headcanons for Pit, Dark Pit, and Palutena?

I’m hanging in there! I got frustrated with two of my current college classes yesterday, but other than that, I’ve been doing well!

I really need to watch Chuggaaconroy’s LP of Kid Icarus: Uprising... Or better yet, I should get the game and play it myself.

But at the same time, I think these three have personalities that are relatively easy to figure out and understand. Nonetheless, I did some research, just to make sure that these headcanons were as accurate to the characters as possible.

Just in case this is necessary, there may be spoilers for Kid Icarus: Uprising. I’m not sure if anything that I have written here is a blatant spoiler, but I will still be cautious about that.

My posts have probably hinted at this, but in case they didn’t, I think that Pit would be a lee. In fact, he is the second biggest lee in the entire Smash roster. Or at least, that’s what I like to think.

Pit gets into lee moods quite often, so much so that if he doesn’t experience a lee mood at any point in a single day, people will either think that he had a ler mood instead, or that something made him upset.

On some occasions, the above theories are true. Pit has lee moods quite often, but that doesn’t mean that he will always be in one. Sometimes, he’s just not in the mood. Other times, he is genuinely upset about something, and it kills his lee mood. And on some occasions, his lee mood will be replaced by a ler mood. This is a rare occurrence in his world, but it is a bit more common in Smash.

After the incident with the Ring of Chaos, the Chaos Kin, and the scorching of his wings, Pit nearly lost his lee side due to trauma. However, it would gradually recover until it finally came back in full force after an approximate time period of two years. This time period was the time that took place between the ending of Kid Icarus: Uprising, and Super Smash Bros. for Nintendo 3DS and Wii U.

He used to be the biggest lee in the entire Smash roster back in the Brawl days, but he lost this title to Shulk when he got invited to Smash, though Pit didn’t know about this until a few months had passed after the events of World of Light.

Was he mad about this? Absolutely not! He didn’t have a fellow lee until Shulk told him about his lee moods, so he’s very happy to have a friend who understands his feelings about tickling!

His worst spots are his feet, underarms, and wings. While all three of these spots are equally as ticklish as the other two, his wings tend to be even more sensitive than his feet or underarms. However, this is only the case if you target the base of his wings. Why? Because this spot isn’t just a worst spot, it is a death spot.

PIt is a squirmer, and he will constantly wiggle around while he laughs his head off. He’ll flap his wings, too, so be sure to watch out for that while you are tickling him, because he might hit you in the face by accident. If that happens, he will be very upset with himself for hurting you.

The best way to avoid being hit in the face by Pit’s wings is to pin him down on his back. That way, he won’t be able to flap them very well, and this will decrease your chances of being hit in the face. This does not guarantee that he won’t hit you in the face accidentally, though, so remain cautious.

While you’re tickling him, you might notice that despite all of the squirming, Pit will try to resist fighting back against you. Why is that? Well, it’s simple really: he loves being tickled! It brings happiness to both him and his ler, so he doesn’t want it stop!

Of course, there are a few situations in which he will have to ask for the tickling to stop, but this isn’t a common occurrence.

He tends to wander around the Smash Colosseum and tickle people as they walk by. Sure, that might result in him being tickled to death, but he thinks that it’s worth it.

Almost all of the story-relevant characters of Kid Icarus: Uprising target Pit, but out of all of them, Palutena, Dark Pit, Viridi, and Phosphora will target him far more often than any of the other characters. Dark Pit and Palutena will continue to target him once they get into Smash, but on rare occasions, Cloud and Shulk will target him too. If they do decide to go after him, they’ll either target him separately, or tag team him. No matter who the ler is, Pit is fucked. But does that matter to him? No!

As a ler, Pit is very playful! He’ll sometimes get in the mood to sneak up on another member of the Smash roster and pounce on them, before tickling them to pieces.

Pit tends to tickle his lees in whatever way he pleases. He doesn’t come up with a plan for any of his lees. However, he will take advantage of a person’s weakness towards a specific type of teasing (which I will get to in a second), or feathers.

He tends to tease his lees by using baby talk. Dark Pit is the primary target of this type of teasing, since he knows that he hates it. If Dark Pit isn’t around, he’ll use this type of teasing on Shulk instead, since he is very weak to it.

As I implied a few sentences ago, Pit likes to use the feathers from his wings as a tickle tool. Unfortunately for him, he is also weak to feathers, so if you want to turn the tables on him while he’s tickling you with a feather, try to take the feather from him and use it against him.

When it comes to Pit being a ler, his only has one problem: he can’t remain that way for long. He is far too ticklish for his own good, and people can use his ticklishness against him to punish him for his mischief.

In his world, his main lee is Dark Pit. Sure, he may get obliterated by him afterwards, but he is the only person from his world that he can stand a lick of a chance against. This doesn’t change when Dark Pit gets into Smash, but Pit will eventually get another lee: Shulk. Shulk is even more ticklish and even more of a lee than he is, and that’s saying a lot.

Moving on to Dark Pit, he doesn’t like the idea of tickling at all (or at least, that’s what he tells himself). However, he will occasionally become a ler if someone refuses to stop tickling him (I’m looking at you, Pit and Palutena).

Dark Pit is a lot more violent when he’s the lee. He will trash about to try and throw you off of him. He will try to grab your wrists and force your hands away from his body. He’ll flap his wings, much like the real Pit, and if he hits you in the face with them, he will not apologize for it.

Despite all of this, there is something that you should know about Dark Pit: He secretly likes the positive attention that he gets from a ler. He is a bit insecure about his existance as a clone of Pit, but he will never admit to it. However, after tickling him, you might notice a more positive change in his behavior. It is a slight change, but if you look hard enough, you’ll see it.

Dark Pit’s worst spots are exactly the same as Pit’s worst spots.

In his world, his main lers are Pit, Palutena, and Viridi. In Smash, Pit and Palutena retain this role, but he doesn’t get any new lers. Everyone is too scared of him punching them in the face outside of battle.

As a ler, Dark Pit is similar to Pit, except that he is a lot more merciless.

Like Pit, he doesn’t come up with plans for dealing with a specific lee, but he does display his preference towards heavier tickling. If you are weak to that, then good luck with surviving that.

For the most part, he doesn’t show his lees any mercy when he tickles them. However, he will never tickle someone into unconsciousness, because even he’s not that cruel.

Teasing? Nope, Dark Pit doesn’t like to do that while he’s tickling someone, unless Pit is the one being tickled. If that’s the case, then he will taunt him. Some of the taunts he uses include, “Pft, you’re so ticklish. How could someone as weak as you win against me?”, and, “Lady Palutena can’t save you now. If anything, she would join in. Would you still love your goddess if she did that to you?”

He tends to not use the feathers on his wings as a tickle tool, but on some occasions, he’ll take a feather from one of his wings and tickle his lee with it. Much like his counterpart, he will use this to his advantage if he finds out that his lee is weak to feathers.

Dark Pit is capable of being the ler for a longer period of time, due to his ability to fight back against counterattacks. However, he is just as ticklish as the real Pit is, so he is somewhat easy to take down.

In his world, Pit is the only one that Dark Pit will target. In Smash, this still stands, but thanks to his counterpart, he begins to target Shulk as well.

And now, Palutena. If there were to be a top ten list of the most dangerous lers in Smash, she would be on there. As for her position, she would probably be at number 5 or number 6.

Tickling her is incredibly difficult. She knows that you’re thinking about it, and she knows that you will try to sneak up on her. If you somehow manage to tickle her while her guard is down, she is rather ticklish for a goddess.

Her worst spots are her ears and her hips. If she has her Goddess Wings out, then she will expose another worst spot: the wings themselves.

You can’t pin her down that easily, but at the very least, you can make her squirm. Try to make her squirm to the point that she will fall over on accident, because that is one of the few opportunities that you will have to pin her down and go to town. Watch out, though. She will try to retaliate against you by reaching her hands up and tickling you when you least expect it.

I really should be making headcanons on what a character’s laughter would sound like, but I tend to have a bit of trouble with that. However, with Palutena, I think I can describe her laughter pretty easily, and I’m pretty sure that I will only need these two words: light and carefree. Actually, add heart-melting to that list.

In her world, Palutena’s main lers are Pit and Dark Pit (though they have a hard time staying in that position). This doesn’t change when all three of them get to Smash. However, Smash did give her a third ler: Bayonetta.

When Palutena is the ler, she is just as playful as Pit, if not more playful.

She prefers to keep her tickling light, but if she knows that you have a weakness to heavier tickling, then she will go for that instead.

Similar to Sephiroth, Palutena knows every technique that she can use to tickle her lees, and she is very observational when it comes to a person’s weaknesses. There is a difference between these two, however: Palutena will tease her lees by using a wide variety of tones. Sephiroth doesn’t do this.

In her home world, her main lees are Pit and Dark Pit. In Smash, these two are still her main less, but she tends to target Shulk as well.

She’ll occasionally go after two of those three people at the same time. I’m aware that this statement is a bit confusing, so allow me to rephrase it.

On some occasions, Palutena will tickle two lees at the same time. With the above list of lees, there are three possible combinations:

Pit and Dark PIt

Pit and Shulk

Shulk and Dark Pit

Sometimes, Palutena likes to make two people laugh at the same time, and tickling is the best way for her to accomplish this.

As one final note, Palutena is the best person to go to if you want to reveal your love for tickling. She is always happy to hear these admissions, knowing that it takes a lot of bravery for someone to admit something like this to another person.

I might think of more headcanons for these three, but for now, this is what I got for Pit, Dark Pit, and Palutena! I apologize for making you wait a few days. I wasn’t ignoring your ask, I just lost some of my motivation after a particularly frustrating day of classes, as I mentioned at the beginning of the post.

[lovemesomesurveys]

“I’m a dick, I’m addicted to you”

Do you add extra letters to words sometimes? (ex. haaaa) Yeahhh.

Do you like the letter Z or Q better? I don’t favor one over the other. Who would you like to be stuck on an island with? I’d like to not be stuck on an island at all. What's your favorite quote? I have a lot of favorite quotes. I just love relatable stuff that puts into words how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking better than I can. I struggle with expressing myself and putting it into words, so. Name one random fact about your best friend. She loves the ID channel.

Do you like vegetables or fruit better? Gonna be honest, I don’t eat much of either one. Especially, fruit... it’s been a few years since I’ve had any. :X I have spinach, potatoes, and green onions pretty often, but that’s all the veggies I’ve had in a few years as well. In comparison to my zero fruit intake it’s something at least, ha. There are fruits I like and a few more veggies as well, but I just haven’t had them in awhile. What brand of shoes do you wear? Adidas. What's your favorite smiley face? On the computer I use :) Do you believe that if someone goes to bed thinking of u, u dream of them? I’ve heard that before and it can be a cute thought, but nah. Have you ever snitched on someone for cheating? No. Do you own a Snuggie? I do. What's your favorite number? 8. Which of the 7 dwarves are you most like from Snow White? Sleepy. What's the last movie you watched? Dumb and Dumber yesterday. What's your favorite month? October and December.

“I’m alright”

Do you like the smell of campfires? Yesss. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? I don’t know. Do you like eggnog? Yes. Is there a song out right now that you can't stand? I haven’t heard any new music recently. I haven’t been listening to music lately. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you pick? I’d be fine if I just stayed 31 here on out. What's your favorite state? I like my state the best out of the few states I’ve been to (the others being Arizona, Idaho, and Georgia). There’s a few I’d like to visit that could potentially take the top spot for me, though. Have you ever went in public with your tag still on your clothes? I don’t think so.

Would you say your loud or shy? I’m quiet and shy. What's your favorite symbol on the computer? I don’t have one. Are you afraid of clowns? Pennywise is awesome. Do you wear glasses? I do. Ever rode on a horse? Just on one at the pumpkin patch as a kid. Poor horse, guided around in a circle all day.  Do you have trouble saying or spelling some words? I think I spell pretty well. I stumble over my words when I talk sometimes, but I think my pronunciation is pretty good. Have you ever thought something was just to good to be true? Many times. And when I think that, it’s usually true. Do you like potatoes? I love potatoes.

“I’m in trouble, I’m an addict, I’m addicted to this girl”

Are you random? My thoughts and dreams are really random, but I wouldn’t describe myself that way. I’d say I’m predictable and boring. Do you believe that aliens are real? I don’t know. Certainly not the weird looking green creatures that are usually depicted for some reason. Do you sleep with the TV on? I do. I’ve done that ever since I was a kid. What's the longest you've slept in? Like 5PM or so. Have you ever seen a hairy toe? Yes. What's the last thing you watched on TV? Roseanne this morning. Do you have a song stuck in your head? Not at the moment. Who do you talk to the most? My mom and brother. What's the first thing you get on when the internet comes up? When the internet comes up oh man, was this made in the late 90s, early 2000s? lol. The first thing I do when I get on my laptop is continue scrolling through my Tumblr feed or do a survey. When's the last time you were sick? I’ve been sick with something for the past week. And no, it’s not the rona.

Which is your favorite: Music, Dogs, Shoes, Books, Jonas Brother? I love a variety of music, I love doggos in general, but I’m biased towards Labs and German Shepherds, Adidas are my favorite shoes, and back in my die hard Jonas Brothers days I was a total Joe girl. What color is your hair brush? Rose gold. Do you enjoy arcades? I did when I was a kid. We used to have one at my mall back when I was a kid that was a fun place to go. And Chuck E Cheese, ha. Have you ever liked 2 people at once? Yes. Have you taken a nap today? Not so far.

“show me the meaning of being lonely”

Would you ever want to be in a horror movie? I think it’d certainly come off as believable because I’m such a scardy cat and super jumpy. Being chased would genuinely scare me even it was acting. Even knowing what was going to happen I know I’d still be jumpy. Only thing is I don’t have the scream down that you gotta have for a horror movie.  Have you ever been to Washington D.C? Nope. Do you hate when girls have guyish names and boys have girly names? I really don’t care.  Have you lost or gained any weight since February? I know I haven’t gained any weight. I’ve probably lost some weight, which is really not good for someone who’s already underweight.  Have you ever felt like no one wanted to be around you? Yes. I don’t even want to be around me. I often feel like I’m such a burden and annoyance. It’s my own thinking and feeling, though. My family doesn’t do or say anything to make me feel that way. I have had other people make me feel that way, though.   Have you ever had to use a pay phone? Yes. Have you listened to music today? Nope. It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to music, actually. Do you only drink bottled water? Yes. Don’t judge me. I bet someone is on your mind right now, right? No, actually. Do you like writing in pen or pencil better? Pen, definitely. What's the last magazine you bought? I don’t even remember it’s been so long. Has anyone in your family ever forgot your birthday? My parents, brother, and close family members always remember. Was it any of your friends birthday in the past week? My older brother’s birthday was a couple days ago. Is anyone else in the same room as you? Nope. Are you one of the popular people in your grade? I’m done with school, but no I was never popular.

“you never call me when you’re sober”

What word best describes you in the dictonary? ”Depressed”, “Awkward”, “Lame”, “Loser”, “Ugly”... Do you like Soy Milk? Yeah, I’m lactose intolerant. I use that or almond milk. I don’t drink any kind of milk by itself, but I use those in stuff like coffee drinks and cereal. And for dunking my cookies and brownies in. Where were you at 10:30am yesterday? Right here in bed where I spent all weekend. I was having a really rough weekend. I felt really shitty and had zero energy. I couldn’t even drag myself outta bed for coffee, so that’s how you know I was feeling really bad. Thankfully, my mom and brother brought me a Starbucks. Do you think ghosts are real? I believe in spirits, but not actual Caspers. Do you know anyone who has been attacked by a shark? No. What is your best friend's mom name? Lupe. Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? No. What part of your body do you wash first? My arms and work my way down. Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie. How do you think the dinosaurs died? An asteroid. What's your favorite flavor of Pringles? Sour cream and onion, cheddar and sour cream, pizza, and ranch.  What was the last thing you got grounded for? Something when I was like 12. Did you go to a water park last summer? I don’t go to the water park ever. What shoe do you put on first? I think the right. Finish the sentence: Girls.. Just wanna have fun.

“I think we’re alone now”

Have you ever had a song or poem written about you? No. Did you have a nickname growing up? My family called my Noodles, ha. When was the last time you played the air guitar? I don’t know. Have you ever biten your toenail? Ew, no. I’m not flexible enough to even do that, but I would never want to so it’s fine. Have you ever been dared to do something that you regretted? No. I didn’t do dares. Favorite website? Tumblr and YouTube. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Probably the incident that made me a paraplegic at 7 months old. That’s certainly top of the list. Best thing that has happened to you? My doggos are definitely amongst the top. Best friend? My mom. If you could dye your hair any color, what color would it be? I dye it red and would like to continue to do so. Do you have a wii? It’s my brother’s, but since we live in the same house and I’ve used it, too, I’m gonna say yes.  Most used phrase on IM? I don’t remember, it’s been over a decade since I’ve used IM. Have you ever heard of The Beatles? Of course. Have you ever wanted to give money to a charity? Yes, and I have given to charities.

“Who says you’re not beautiful?”

Would you ever want to have 14 kids? Uh, noooo. I don’t even want one.  Are you wearing any bracelets right now? Nope. Do you have any jewelry that once belonged to an old family member? No. Do you dream every night? I usually do. Give me on of your goals Just taking it day by day. Do you like skinny jeans? Yeah, those are the only jeans I have. Do you ever say stuff that you don’t mean? It happens. Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? Yeah, but that was back when I was 16 and felt pressured into saying it back to my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t have those feelings. Ever since then I haven’t thrown those words around lightly. What is your dream guy/girl? A patient, understanding, caring, loving, trustworthy, good sense of humor kind of guy. Do you hate when people overract? I can definitely be one of those people that overreact. And I know I’m overreacting when it’s happening, but I can’t help myself. I sometimes see people in situations where I’m like, ‘omg, they’re totally overreacting’ and think it could be handled differently, but yet I do the same thing. When was the last time you used the oven? It’s been awhile, actually... I don’t remember. Have you ever wanted to be free like a bird? ”And I’m as free as a bird now... and this bird you cannot change.” Are you a worrier? Oh am I ever. Does your house have an attic? Nope. Are you going fishing this weekend? No. I don’t go fishing.

[shochmonster]

84 Questions

original: https://fuckyeahsurveys.tumblr.com/post/61049002526/84-questions

Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs Guns of Brixton - The Clash Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys  Chainsaw - Nick Jonas California - Joni Mitchell Make It Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age This Woman’s Work - Kate Bush The Bad Thing - Arctic Monkeys Between the Bars - Eliot Smith Drown - The Smashing Pumpkins Different People - No Doubt

If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? I’d take @duoloopo to the UK. I’d like to see places other than London.

What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen)  I use my iPad stylus the most, but I have this heavy mechanical pencil I really like for drawing. 

Favourite month and why? October. I just love the fall vibe. 

Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. I went to undergraduate school with Rebecca Sugar. We used to ride the bus between NYC and DC together on holidays. 

Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. Can of seltzer, pencil case, stack of bills

What brand logo is closest to you currently? REAL Skateboards

Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? I love Small World and Munchkin. 

A musical artist you love that isn’t well known Laura Stevenson and the Cans

A musical artist you love that is well known Red Hot Chili Peppers

What is your desktop background currently? Thomas Barrow on the beach in the Season 4 Christmas Special

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them @duomaxwell02 with my face :O 

First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow White

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? Two wall clocks, though one is very old and doesn’t wind anymore. I also have a clock @duoloopo ‘s dad made for me. It’s on the piano. 

What kind of headphones do you use? JBL Bluetooth, noise canceling 

What musical artists have you seen perform live? Foo Fighters (3x), Incubus (3x), Red Hot Chili Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, Beastie Boys, Audioslave, Justin Timberlake, Troy Sivan, Arctic Monkeys, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Queen (but with Roger Daughtry, not Freddy... for obvious reasons.). Probably a whole bunch of others I’m blanking on. 

Does virginity matter to you? Not really. 

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? PS4, PS2, PS1, XBox 360, N64, Gamecube, Wii, NES, SNES, various Gameboys, Nintendo DS, PSP

What pets do you have? What are their names? Two cats, Hemingway and Renji

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? I like freelance art gigs the best. As for ‘normal people jobs’, I once was a sign painter for Whole Foods. That was pretty fun, minus the work drama. 

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Food service. 

What magazines do you read, if any? I’ll pick up Time once in a while

Inspiration behind your URL? My classic original URL was LinkWorshiper and had been since AIM first existed. I picked it because Zelda was the first fandom I ever joined. Now I’ve changed all my handles (except on AO3) to reflect my actual name, as my literary agent thinks it’s more professional. 

Inspiration behind your blog title? Mean Girls. I always chuckle imagining Thomas and Jimmy as some Edwardian version of the Plastics. 

Favourite item of clothing? My Downton livery waistcoat. And the stiff bosomed shirt and collars I have to go with it. 

Are you friends with any exes? Nah. By the time I felt comfortable enough to possibly try, I also didn’t care enough to. 

Name at least one book you loved as a child. His Dark Materials (the trilogy by Philip Pullman). I still love them and am jazzed that he’s writing more these days. 

What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) US English, mostly a northeastern dialect/accent

What email service do you use? Gmail

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? So much stuff. I have a mood board full of Downtons stuff over my desk, various DA posters and memorabilia, plus some artwork I’ve done, and some of my JC Leyendecker collection. The aforementioned wall clocks, a San Francisco cable car bell, Sailor Moon and a few other little knickknacks, like my hamsa. To name a few lol. 

What’s your favourite number, and why? 212 because it’s Manhattan’s area code and also because it used to be the notation for one of my favorite ships in an old fandom. 

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? Sitting under the table and looking at my grandma, who was wearing a Cruella Deville dress she’d knit herself. Like, it had the actual Disney character on it. Pretty cool to a little guy, I guess!

What did you have for dinner yesterday? Quesadilla 

How often do you brush your teeth? Whenever they feel gross

What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? Lately, I’ve been into Junior Mints. 

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? This blog used to have my old handle, linkworshiper. I did a small Whole Foods blog when I worked with them, but it never went anywhere. 

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? Sushi

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? Downton Abbey, though lately I’ve been crazy busy and not as active as I once was. Casually still poking at old fandoms like Zelda and Gundam Wing to name a few. 

If you could study anything, what would it be? More art education can’t hurt. Maybe some formal history education. 

Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) Chapstick 

How would you describe your sense of humour? Seinfeld 

What things annoy you more than anything else? Mouth noises

What kind of position are you in at the moment? Sitting

Do you wear much jewellery? Nope

Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) Three supposedly equal branches of government, currently being run into the ground by a clown 

Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own @halcyondaze @mab1905 @lavender-hued-melancholy

What do you carry your money in? I try to never carry cash, but I carry a small wallet 

Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? I like it but sometimes it feels like a chore, especially during a commute. @duoloopo thinks I’m a shit driver so she tries to drive whenever she can, which has pluses and minuses. 

Longest drive you have ever been on? Savannah GA to San Francisco, CA in a UHaul

Furthest away from home you have ever been? Germany 

How many times have you moved house? God, I don’t even know. More than ten. 

What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? Cat toys, unused canvases

How many devices do you own which can access the internet? Phone, computer, iPad, various game consoles 

Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? Thomas and Jimmy <3 <3 

Is there anything that always makes you sad? Thinking too hard about being a failure

What programs do you currently have open? I just rebooted, so only Chrome, Spotify and Photoshop

What do you associate the colour red with? This line in the Kate Bush Song Blue Symphony, which goes, ‘I associate love with red, the color of my heart when she’s dead.’ 

Last strong smell you can remember smelling? The Greek food I ordered in for dinner

Last healthy thing you ate? Roasted veggies

Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? I prefer tea, and I drink coffee for energy, though sometimes I think it just makes me crash harder. 

What do you associate the colour blue with? The sky

How long is the closest ruler you can find? 12 inches

What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? Dark blue

When was the last time you drank water? About a minute ago

How often do you clear your browser history? Rarely

Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? Yes

Ever written fanfiction for anything? Oh God, yes. You can still find it under Link Worshiper on AO3, though some of my ‘classics’ have been removed since I turned them into original manuscripts 

Last formal event you attended My cousin’s wedding

If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? Maybe inch my birth year up just by two so that I’d stop being called a damn millennial. At my age, I really just don’t relate to the generation even though technicalities make me a part of it. 

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? Beach

Roughly how many people live in your town? 52,000

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Leonard Nimoy :D 

Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores I haven’t really gone shopping since the pandemic. Right now, it feels like the only place to buy anything is Amazon XD

Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? Samsung. It’s not a Galaxy but is a new model and a fraction of the price. 

What is your least favourite colour, and why? I don’t think I dislike any colors honestly. 

How do you spell grey/gray? Grey. I’ve got too many British online associates to ever go back. 

Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) It’s Umbrella Academy fanart of Klaus. He’s in black and white with this hands over his eyes and the background is red. It’s very graphic. 

What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? 736

How many posts do you have? 8,859

How many posts have you liked? I can’t find the stat D: 

Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? Mainly reblogs but I pepper in my own content when I can. Lately, I haven’t had time to do as much fanart though, and I kind of feel like it’s not worth bothering to post my original stuff. Nobody follows my blog for that. 

Do you track any tags? No. 

What time is it currently? 7:33 PM CMT

Is there anything you should be doing right now? Waking up @duoloopo. TIME TO JUMP ON THE BED. 

tagging, if they feel like it: @abbys-little-whippersnapper​ @bumblebarrow​ @irrationalgame​ @downtoncat​ @mab1905​ @duoloopo​

and everyone who I’ve forgotten

[luv-surveys]

45

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? yes i have. What has been bothering you a lot lately? the fact that i’m sick and super behind on all of my homework but can’t do anything about it. What (or who) have you been missing lately? i’ve been missing home lately since i’m going home this weekend for the first time in a few months. Are you trustworthy? i’d like to believe so. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? they never specified but i was taught that lies in general are bad. Have you ever hallucinated? yes. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? i sleep with my bedroom door open, but i sleep with my dorm door closed. What flags do you have in your room, if any? i don’t have any flags. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? i’d probably say beginning to play music in fourth grade, as that really set me down the path that i’m on right now as a student in music school. What is the worst decision you ever made? probably beginning to let my anxiety control me -- it led me down a path that i’m still recovering from, a year later. Do you miss college? no, given that i’m in college right now... Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? i once called my french teacher “mom” because i accidentally said “madame” without the d so it sounded like “ma-ame” = “mom.” What is your favorite arcade game? probably skee-ball. i used to play that all the time growing up. Do you feel neglected? no. What school subject(s) are/were your best? definitely french and english. Are you allergic to grass? no. Do you remember to water plants? no... hence why i don’t own plants anymore. What season is your birthday in? it’s in fall. Name 3 creative people you know. my friend sophie, my friend danielle, and my friend dan. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. i’d say aspen ovard, jasmine from tbhstudying, and ava jules. What color was your first car? i’ve never owned a car. What year did you graduate? i graduated this year, 2020. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? last saturday. Have you ever been scammed? yes. Are you allergic to pollen? yes :( What style of wedding dress do you like best? probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? i’m like 90% there. Do you talk on the phone a lot? pretty often. Would you rather call or text? probably text. Do you always answer your phone? no, i only answer if i recognize the number. When was the last time you went to a party? there really haven’t been any parties since quarantine started, but my friend did have a birthday in may, so probably then. What was the last thing you ate? chicken noodle soup. What’s the last book you checked out from the library? i checked out like nine books, all young adult fantasy. Do you have a twitter? no. If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? nothing. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? the guy i’m seeing. What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? pancakes. What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? white and gold. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a girl on my snap. Who sent the last e-mail you got? my flute professor responding to my email about a rental. What song is currently stuck in your head? “look what you made me do” by taylor swift Do you have a favorite shape? probably circle. What color are the sheets on your bed? at home, they’re yellow. in my dorm, they’re pink, What time do you usually go to bed? usually, i go to bed between 11 and 12. Do you ever use coloring books? no. Are you planning on watching the Olympics? when they actually happen, yes. Do you pronounce the word “often” with or without a “t” in the middle? with the t. Have you ever been on a trapeze? no. Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? yes of course. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? no. Do you like seafood? not particularly -- i do like shrimp, though. Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? yes, for marching band. If so, what did it look like? it was a maroon jacket, black bibbers, black long socks, black marching shoes, white gauntlets, white gloves, and a maroon shako. and under we had to wear our tour shirts and spandex/leggings. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? yes, my dad is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? nope. Do you enjoy baking? i love baking! What’s your favorite type of flower? right now, daisies. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? home from florida. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? i have a couple left-handed friends and family members. What is something you think is underrated? probably classical music. too many people think it’s boring but there are some really amazing pieces. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? probably around 85 degrees. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? i expect covid to not be as big of an issue. How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? probably around once a month at most. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? definitely reading. i used to read all the time, and now i just don’t have the time or motivation. What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? i’ve never had a job. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? probably guacamole. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? i don’t have a car. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? alaska. Farthest south? florida. East? russia. West? again, alaska. How often do you run the dishwasher? at my house, we run the dishwasher every night. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? i wash it in the shower. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. i don’t enjoy wearing dresses whatsoever. Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. i don’t have any interest in trying drugs or smoking. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? we have a “butler” named jeeves, a family of elephants on a window sill facing away from the front door for good luck, and a couple other things. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? we have a panini maker and other things like that. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? my mom majored in psychology while my dad majored in business. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? nope. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? precalculus. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? probably around 7. How old were you when you learned how to swim? i’d say 10ish. How do you react when someone is rude to you? i get annoyed but try to remain sweet and kind so i don’t stoop to their level/they don’t have anything against me. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? yes, and it was annoying. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? probably snowstorms/blizzards. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? i hate winter because it’s cold and depressing. Do you have a Netflix account? yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? yeah, occasionally that happens. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? i enjoy traveling to europe since there’s so much history there. How long does it take to get there? it’d be about a six hour flight. When was the last time you started a “new chapter�� of your life? this fall when i started college. What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? i’d say our downstairs bathroom -- i never use that bathroom. What is the last random act of kindness you did? i can’t really remember since i’ve been alone and sick for the past few days. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? not really... Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? yes, but if it’s some type of body part (like liver) then no. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? no. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? nope. Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? not currently. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? no. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? i never post on facebook. Which friend do you confide in most? the guy i’m seeing haha. Do you wear a cross? no. What is your opinion on Arby’s? it’s good and their fries are amazing. When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? i’d like an island definitely, and lots of counter space. i’d want it to be an open layout too. What is your favorite doughnut? probably jelly. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? no way. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? i have never read the entire series or been interested in it. What is your favorite party game? wii party or cards against humanity. Do you or your parents rake your yard? my parents do. Were you pro-Obama? nope, but i couldn’t vote anyway. What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? i think a thousand wishes?  What was the last illegal thing you did? probably speeding when i was driving. Who did you last go to the movies with? i think my sister, her boyfriend, and my ex. What color was the last vehicle you were in? white. Do you have any family members in the military right now? nope. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? no. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? during my class earlier today. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? nope. Have you ever heard voices? Audibly? no. Do you believe in angels and demons? yes. Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? we have neighbors that accuse us of things we don’t do and get into fights with us over stupid things. Did your Barbies go on dates? yes! If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? i’m straight. Where did you meet your first crush? school. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? nope. Do you ever go places with wet hair? occasionally, but i try not to. Who is your favorite little girl? probably my cousin. What do you want the most in life? happiness. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? my college decision. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? occasionally, yeah. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? yep, i keep it closed and locked. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? maybe ariana grande. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? classical, jazz, and electroswing. Where did you buy your dishes from? i’m pretty sure my mom gets them from williams-sonoma. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? not in my lifetime. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? probably some type of appliance that i never use. What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? my shower shoes! Have you ever been on a ship? yeah. Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? nope. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? i don’t know what you’re talking about lol. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? maybe dumbledore from harry potter? i can’t think of anyone off the top of my head. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? forensic sciences. Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? all the time. What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? no... not every size is healthy bruh. Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? yes. Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) yeah. Ever gave one? nope. Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? more shy. Do you think it’s weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? nah. Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? a lot, but mainly my height and paleness. Are you flirty at all? sometimes. Are you racist at all? no. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) depends on the disability, but more likely than not, no. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? probably look around for parents, and if they’re not there, contact authorities. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? i’d rather have my own. What would you class as cheating on someone? purposefully seeking a romantic relationship/interaction with another person. Do you try to be politically correct? i try to. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? maybe starfish. Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? no. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? hoops! Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? i don’t think it’s humiliating, but from my experience, i don’t know if it’s worth teaching. Do you recycle? yeah. Are you interested in current world issues? for the most part. Do you think you are mature, or immature? mostly mature. What kind of career are you interested in? i’m interested in teaching or performing music. Do you own a pair of sunglasses? yes. Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? i use all of the above. How badly do you get acne? (If at all) i barely get any acne. What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? remember all the things you hated about them and distract yourself. also, a glow-up and showing off your successes never hurts. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? probably because they think i’m egotistical. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? 72. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? probably deciding whether or not i should stay with the guy i’m seeing. In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? math! Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? not really. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? here at college. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? a kid from my theory class. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? my roommate, because i’ve been unhealthy. What does your handwriting look like? it’s pretty bubbly and very neat. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? yes, i use dry shampoo and dry conditioner. Who were your best friends in primary school? lindsey. Do you still speak to any of them? nope. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? i think candy. What color hair did your first crush have? blond. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? moccasins! Are you more masculine or feminine? more feminine, definitely. If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? something minimalist, like a tiny illustration. What is the best beach you’ve been to? the beach at ocean city, maryland. What is one thing you physically can’t do? i cannot do a pull-up, nope. Have you ever been to a funeral? yep. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? no. Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? yes. Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? yeah, the one on the left close to the front. What is your favorite park? probably six flags? or disney? Have you ever felt an earthquake? nope. Do you chew gum regularly? no. Where did you go on your first train ride? i think when i was a baby. Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? yep. What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) i don’t root for any sports teams. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? no ma’am. What is something you are confident about? my eye color. Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? i’ve been addicted to afrin during colds, but i always manage to tear myself away. How do you feel about needles? they’re not great, but i’m not particularly scared of them. What is your favorite accent to listen to? i love scottish accents. What was the reason you last got dressed up? church. Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? not really. ^ What were they? -- Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? more form-fitting. ^ What about on your preferred gender? more form-fitting as well. What do you do when you are really, really mad? i go somewhere to be alone so i can cool off. Would you rather go naked than wear fur? i’d rather wear fur, but i wouldn’t like it. Do you put a line through your 7’s? no. ^ What about your Z’s? nope. What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? cheat on me if we’re in a relationship. Are you able to forgive and forget? it’s hard, but sometimes. Do you like cold pizza? no. What is your favorite fruit? pineapple! What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? white grape juice has my heart. Do you like broccoli and cheese? i’ve never had it but it sounds yummy. What about potatoes and cheese? oh yeah that’s good. Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? yep, to the guy i’m seeing. Toaster or toaster oven? toaster. What are you most known for? being a musician haha. Do you have any reputations? What are they? i don’t believe so. Do you wear band shirts? nope. ^ What band was on the last one you wore? -- Do you own any hats? Describe them. yeah, i own a black adidas cap and a white cap. What about masks, you got any? Describe those. oh, i have plenty... thanks covid. i have a black one, a white one, a pink one, a brown one, a green camo one, and a blue floral one. What was the last thing to leave you speechless? probably my flu since it hurts to talk LOL. Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? yep. Have you been called a bad influence? no way. Describe your favorite pair of socks. i like all my pairs of black socks. Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? not really. Have any self-done piercings? nope. Ever pierced someone else? nooo. Do you get distracted easily? sometimes, but not if i’m focused on homework. Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? it’s stressful usually. How do you feel about getting new neighbors? it’s exciting! How many ceiling fans are in your home? one. Do you tweet your life away? nope. How do you feel about shameless self promoting? i don’t mind it if it isn’t too in the way. When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? yep. What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? uh-huh.

[purplesurveys]

887

Numbers, Numbers Everywhere

How old are you? I turned 22 last April.

What day of the month is your birthday? It’s on the 21st. It’s exactly a week after my brother’s birthday and six days before my parents’ anniversary, so April tends to be a hectic month for us. What's the last digit of your phone number? It ends in 5.

What's your favorite number? I don’t pick a favorite number because the idea just doesn’t make sense to me. If someone asked me to pick a number though I always go with 4 just because it reminds me of Beyoncé lol How many bedrooms does your home have? It used to have three but my parents had the balcony renovated and transformed into another bedroom after they realized my siblings and I were all getting older, and that it would be the most appropriate decision to let us have our own rooms.

How many people do you live with? Four people and two dogs. How many exes do you have? I’ve only had one, but we got back together. How long is the song you're listening to? (If you have music going.) Not listening to any music right now but the last song I played a few hours ago was Thick and Thin by LANY, which is 3 minutes and 32 seconds long. What time did you wake up, today? I woke up at 8 AM. I surprised myself today because it meant I had slept for 11 hours, something I don’t remember ever being able to do lol. I was asleep by 9 PM last night because overthinking all day tired me out and also because I didn’t have my afternoon coffee. How many siblings do you have? I have two. I don’t speak to one of them. How many gaming consoles are in your home? We have three consoles that we currently use – PS4, Switch, and my siblings also recently re-unboxed our PS3 to play older games on it. We also have other consoles that we haven’t used in a while but just never thrown out – Wii, DSi, PS2, and two PSPs. How many pets do you have? I have two dogs :) Kimi’s a 12 year old half-aspin half-we never actually figured out what his other breed is, we’re thinking shih tzu? and Cooper is a three month old beagle. How many schools have you attended? Just two. I attended the same school from kindergarten to high school then I went to a different one for college. How old were you when you had your first kiss? (If you've had it.) I was 16, but was turning 17 that year. How many movies have you seen at the cinema this year? Zero. This would be a lot sadder to answer if I loved going to the cinemas, but tbh I only watch movies in the theatres like twice a year so I’m not too bothered. Still, I miss having that option. How many windows does your bedroom have? It has two big windows but each of them have six panes that I can open. How many TVs are in your home? Four. There’s one in the dining room, living room, parents’ room, and brother’s room. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t feel like getting up just to count them. I wanna say around 15-20 pairs. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Already mentioned this, but 11 hours. That’s a feat for me, considering I’ve only been getting 4-5 hours a night lately. I even wanted to sleep more, but Cooper wanted a playmate and I felt bad. How many inches long is your hair (at it's longest point)? Idk 8, 9 inches? Not good with exact measurements, but the longest it’s been was right above my waist. How many chairs are in your living room? We have an L-shaped couch that can seat five people, which is how big my family is so it’s just the right size for us. We don’t have chairs per se, though we used to a few years ago.   How many pairs of sunglasses do you own? Zero. Not a fan of them. How many cell phones have you owned/had? My current one is my 8th. I’ve switched phones so much because I lost them a lot (as a kid) or I broke them a lot (as a teenager). Was never good at taking care of my valuables so my parents made sure that with my iPhone 8, it had the toughest phone case and the thickest tempered glass we could find. I still ended up ruining them both loooool but the phone is still staying strong with me, so at least that’s something. How many apps are on your cell phone? 99. How the fuck do I have that many??? I always just thought I had around 25. I need to clean up my phone, damn. How tall are you? 5′1″. How long have you lived in your current home? 12 years. What percentage is your phone's battery at right now? It’s at 33% right now. I’ve been horrible at charging it lately because I keep unplugging when it hits around 45% so I can use it wirelessly, whoops. How much your home's rent (or mortgage) each month? I’m not sure about the amount; my parents pay for the house. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. How many doors does your home have? 13. How many times did you drink (alcohol) last month? I’m not sure...maybe once or twice? I try to save up my alcohol because I only have five bottles of soju and I don’t think I’ll be getting another set soon. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. How many letters are in your first name? R-o-b-y-n, five. How many times have you been in love? Once. How many pieces of jewelry are you currently wearing? None right now and none for a while. I haven’t had a reason to wear jewelry at home. What is the age difference between you and your significant other? One month and around two weeks. We’re the same age - we went to school together and were part of the same batch. How much cash do you currently have? I have a little over ₱700. It’s the last of my school allowance, aw :( How many contacts are in your phone? A lot. I don’t think my phone has an option to view the total number. How many best friends do you have? Two. How old is your mom? 48, though she’s turning 49 in September. How old is your dad? 49. How many keys do you have (on your keyring/chain or whatever)? Just two – house and car keys. I’d put trinkets on it but I’ve lost the ones I’ve tried hooking onto my keychain.

How many keychains are attached to your keys? ^ How many video games do you own? My best guess would be 50-60. I’d say we have around 15 per console. How many monthly bills do you pay/have? We have the internet, phone, electricity, and water bills, but it’s my parents who pay for them. They also pay for the house and the cars. Until recently we also got monthly bills for our cable subscription, but my dad canceled it after he realized no one in the house watched TV anymore because we’re all on either YouTube or Netflix now. If you get an allowance, how much do you get weekly? My parents gave me ₱2000 a week in college, which would be enough to gas up my car for the next five days, feed myself in school, and have one or two nights out with friends. It used to be ₱1000 but that was super little and I used to starve myself in school, and for the longest time I had just been too shy to tell my parents to increase my allowance. If you have a job, how much do you earn (hourly)? No job yet. What is your town/city's population? (You might need to look that one up.) A little less than 780,000.

How long have you lived in the town you currently live in? More or less 20 years. We only lived in Manila until I was 1. How long have you lived in the state/province you currently live in? Again, 20 years. Manila is in a different region from where I currently reside. How long have you been with your significant other? (if taken) A little over four years. How long were you with your most recent ex? (if you have one) My only ex is also my SO, and during our first relationship we were together for eight months. How many blind dates have you been on? Zero. Not for me. How many email addresses do you have (that you use)? Three. I have two Gmails and one Outlook, but the last one I barely use anymore. How many times have you traveled outside of your home country? Three. The first was a joint vacation to Singapore and Malaysia; the second was a trip to Indonesia; the third was a cruise that involved three countries, but we flied to China because that’s where the ship was stationed. How many times do you usually sneeze in a row? Four or five at most. But that doesn’t happen a lot. Usually I’d only sneeze once. What time is it right now? 5:22 PM.

[lovemesomesurveys]

what is a food that you’d hate to be allergic to?: I mean, if I were allergic to any of my favorite foods that would obviously suck. Otherwise, I’d say nuts just cause you have to be really careful cause a lot of foods are made in facilities with nuts.

what color was the last towel you used?: Yellow.

would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Taller.

when was the last time your nose bled? Never, thankfully.

how old are you turning this year?: 31. D:

what is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?: I have to get popcorn with salt and extra butter whenever I go to the movies. Man, I miss movie theater popcorn.

swimming pool or hot tub?: Swimming pool.

can you swim well? Nope. I have to use an inner tube and even then I’m scared. I stay close to the sides of the pool or stairs. I only go further out if someone is with me and holding on. I’m really not a big fan of swimming.

what body part do you wash first in the shower?: I start with my arms.

who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day? No one.

name your last reason for using a camera? I used my phone to take a photo of my doggo. what kind of first impression do you think you make? Cold and a little aloof, which isn’t too far off from the truth especially if I’m not approached first. If someone does talk to me for the first time, it’ll depend on their body language whether I’ll choose to continue to be reserved, or if I’d want to be bubbly and vibrant around them. <<< I’d say the same about myself except that I’ll remain reserved or kinda short around people I don’t know. If we talk for awhile then I’ll likely get more comfortable.

where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Hotel bed.

what are you excited about? Nothing.

seven days from now, will you be in a relationship? Nope. when was the last time you laughed really hard & why? Hmm. I don’t remember.

what are you wearing? Black leggings with a black Linkin Park shirt.

what do you want? Wingstop, ha. It’s Friday, which for my family is wing day.

did you enjoy your weekend? Just typical days for me.

do you regret anything you’ve done recently? Yes.

is there anybody you wish you could see? One of my aunts.

have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with j or m? J.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? One.

do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? Nope. Or ever.

what makes you mad most about girls? I can’t generalize like that. 

have you ever been given roses? Yes, for graduations.

do you even like getting flowers? Sure.

what’s your favorite flowers? Roses, I guess.

could you go out in public looking like you do now? Ew, no. At least I really have a reason to be a hermit crab due to the pandemic and people don’t judge me for it.

who’s the first person you texted today? I haven’t texted anyone as of now.

would you move to another state to be with the person you loved? I really don’t know. I’d have to be in that situation to really know what I’d do. I am very close with my family, though, so that would make it very difficult. I imagine I’d try to see if there were other options.

how’s the weather today? It’s going to be in the upper 90s.

what color are your eyes? Brown.

do you like poptarts? Yeah. Frosted strawberry and frosted brown sugar cinnamon are the best. It’s been a few years since I’ve had a Poptart, though. I used to have them pretty regularly.

where will you be 12 hours frm now? Here. Like always.

is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? Yes.

do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Leggings and a graphic tee like I do everyday, ha.

are you on a desktop or laptop? Laptop.

does anyone hate you for no reason? If anyone does, I’m sure they have a reason. I don’t know if my former friends hate me, but I certainly wouldn’t blame them if they did because they’d definitely have a reason to.

what are you planning to do today? My usual things that I’ve listed plenty of times in surveys.

play an instrument? No. would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Absolutely.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? Kohl’s.

have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an r? No.

have you ever passed out? No.

are you easily confused? I wouldn’t say I’m easily confused, no.

do you think you would make a good wife/husband? No.

what’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Strawberry.

do you like coffee? I love coffee. Duh.

do you like summer? Ew, nooooo. I despise it.

where were you at 8am this morning? I’ll be here, hopefully sleeping.

do you fall for people easily? I used to. It’s been a few years since I’ve had feelings for anyone in that way. Then again, I haven’t interacted with anyone outside my immediate family. 

everything happens for a reason? I believe so.

have you ever dated someone more than once? Yes.

who have you texted in the last 24 hours? No one.

what color nail polish is on your toes? My toes are never painted. <<<

do you find members of the preferred sex confusing? People of any gender have the potential to be confusing. < This. <<< Agreed. People in general are confusing. I know I definitely am. 

what are you listening to right now? An ASMR video.

how has the week been? Eh, alright.

what are your biggest turn offs? Arrogance and cockiness.

favorite shirt to wear? I love all my graphic tees.

favorite drink? Coffee--brewed and Starbucks Doubleshot coffee energy drinks.

last person to say ‘i love you’ to you? My mom.

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No.

what’s your favorite color gummy bear? Not a big gummy bear fan.

what is the nicest part of the opposite sex’s body? Arms, hands, stomach, jaw line.

have you ever run into a dishwasher? Uh, no.

ever had a song sung about/for you? Nope.

is there a baby in the room with you right now? No.

where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other? At home.

what is your favorite thing that is green? Christmas trees.

what did your last text message say? I don’t feel like checking.

what is the way to your heart? Hmm.

what do you smell like? Like me. *shrug*

what’s in your pocket? I don’t have pockets. Never use ‘em anyway.

anything in your mouth? Nope.

ever hurt yourself playing wii? No.

do you have freckles? Yes. what’s the last movie you saw in the theater? The Invisible Man.

ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? Noooooooooo. I can’t swim, so hopefully no one ever tries that. I’m also in a wheelchair, so that’d just be an extra shitty thing to do.

are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday? Yes.

name a song that you know all the words to: Countless songs, but to pick one at random “In the End” by Linkin Park.

what’s the last thing you watched on tv? Catfish.

what can you hear right now? An ASMR video.

did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday? About the same.

are you close to your siblings? My younger brother and I are. I don’t have a bad relationship or anything with my older brother, it’s just different.

do you bite your nails? I pick at them and use nail clippers all the time. The nail clippers are like in place of my teeth, ha.

do you like your feet? No.

do you sleep well at night? I don’t even sleep at night. These past few months I haven’t been going to bed until like 7AM. D:

[drabbles-by-del]

MarioKart Tradition

The rain lashed against the window, blown horizontal by the wind. Thunder and lightning flashed around, but Tony paid the weather little attention as he made his way through  the compound. The billionaire mentally ran through a list of things he needed to finish before the day was over. Pepper needed to sign off on a few expenses, there was that press conference at four that he needed to be at, his teenager was sitting in front of one of the TVs, he had to--

Tony stopped, then backtracked, just to double check. Sure enough, Peter was sitting in front of a TV, a controller in his hand. 

“Kid, what are you still doing here?” 

With a jump, Peter turned and stared at Tony for a moment. “Hey Mr. Stark! Sorry, I just--No!” Peter turned back to the television just in time to see his animated character fly off a brightly colored bridge, sinking into the starry expanse below. His character was quickly resurrected by a turtle on a cloud, but Peter hit pause before he could fall again or lose the race entirely. When he was sure the game was paused, the teenager turned back to his mentor. 

“I thought your training with Romanoff ended hours ago?” 

“Yeah, no, it did. I couldn’t find Happy for a ride, so I was just gonna swing home, but …” The teenager made a wide gesture to the stormy weather outside.

“Makes sense, I guess.” Tony sniffed, and Peter sat there, a little awkwardly. “I didn’t even know we had this … getup,” Tony added, gesturing to the TV. 

“You didn’t know you had … TVs?” 

“Yeah, okay, smart aleck, I knew we had the TVs, just not the … Wii? Is that a Wii? Aren’t those things outdated? I didn’t even know they still sold those things in the store?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that, this isn’t new. I’ve had this console for years. Yeah, this was actually the last thing my uncle got for me.” Peter looked down. “I’d been begging for months to get one. Ben and May, they saved for almost as long as I’d been asking, and I came home from school one day to find this sitting on my bed. That was right before the spider bite,” the teenager finished, looking at the screen with a distant look in his eye, like he was reliving his life before everything changed. 

Tony knew Peter didn’t usually get this nostalgic, at least not in front of people. Something must have triggered him, or set something off inside to make him start talking like this. 

“Anyway, sorry, Mr. Stark. I know you’re busy, so I’ll just stay here until the storm calms down a little, and--”

“Nah, not really a lot goin’ on today,” Tony interrupted nonchalantly. The billionaire came around and sat on the couch. “Just as long as your aunt knows you’re still here? I don’t really need to be yelled at today.” 

Peter chuckled. “Yeah, she knows. I texted her when I decided to stay here.” 

The two of them sat there, more than a little awkward. Tony finally glanced around, spotting a second remote sitting by the TV. 

“‘Kay, well, you’re gonna need to grab me that remote then,” Stark said, nodding towards the TV. Peter looked to where the older man was looking, then glanced back at Tony. 

“You wanna … you’re … are you sure you don’t have other things to do?” 

“You don’t want me to play with you?” 

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant, I just know that you’re super busy and everything, so--”

“Whatever else I’ve got going on today, it can wait. I’m gonna show you how to really play this game.” 

“You’re gonna … do you even know what Mariokart is?”  Peter’s cheeky grin earned him a shove from the billionaire, and the teenager couldn’t stop himself chuckling as he moved to get Tony the remote. 

“Who do you think helped design and build this game?” Tony asked. Peter stopped in his tracks and looked back at Tony. 

“You … wait, are you serious?” 

“Nope, definitely messing with you. I have no idea how this works. Show me.” 

Peter spent the next few minutes explaining how to play, how to work the controllers, and helping Stark pick a character. 

Peter stuck with his original character, Yoshi, and Tony chose Waluigi. “Okay,” Peter said after they’d chosen their characters and vehicles. “We’ll start with the first track, just to get you used to the controls and everything, so--”

“Nuh uh,” Tony cut in. “Let’s go to that last one you were racing.” 

Peter’s eyes widened a little. “Rainbow Road? You wanna start on Rainbow Road?” 

“I don’t start off easy, kid. Besides, it’s a game. How hard can it be?” 

0-0-0

Pepper stared at her phone, waiting for a reply from Tony. He’d disappeared, which wasn’t necessarily unlike him, but the fact that he had a press conference in thirty minutes, and no one had been able to get ahold of him for a few hours made her a little antsy. Friday confirmed he was still on the compound, but apparently the billionaire had instructed the AI not to give his exact position away. Pepper had no idea why Tony would do that, but she now had to search the compound for him herself, especially since he wasn’t answering his phone. 

As she made her way down one of the hallways, she suddenly heard voices coming from inside one of the rooms. Silently, Pepper poked her head inside the room and came across a sight that made her heart melt. 

Tony was sitting on the couch, and Peter was on the floor in front of him. They were playing a video game while talking loudly over each other. 

“You’re cheating. There’s no way you keep coming in first,” Tony argued. 

“I swear, Mr. Stark, I’m not cheating!” Peter cackled as he zoomed past Tony, lapping him.

“Well then, your head is blocking the sensor from my severely outdated Wii remote, and that’s why I keep falling off.” 

“That’s not why you keep falling off, Mr. Stark,” Peter assured his mentor. Peter raced across the finish line, and the screen flashed, alerting Tony that his character had come in last place. 

“You’re just blocking my sensor on purpose,” Tony insisted. 

“Here, I’ve got an idea that’ll show you how I’m really not,” Peter said with a laugh. The teenager got up, and with a flip jump, stuck to the ceiling with his sticky feet. “Now I have to play upside down and backwards, so you’ll see that I’m not cheating. I’m just better at this game than you!”

“That, Mr. Parker, sounds like a challenge.” 

“It’d only be a challenge if you were any good at this game.” 

“Start the race, kid. I’ll show you just how good I can be.” 

Pepper watched in silence, amused, as Peter selected one of the races again. The countdown started, but as the small animated figures took off, a black cloud appeared over Tony’s character, and he got a later start than the rest of the racers. 

“You keep pressing two too early!” Peter said from his spot on the ceiling. “Gives you a false start.” 

“Yeah, yeah, just drive.” 

The race took less than five minutes. Tony fell off the track at least once per lap, and Peter ended up lapping him again. 

While Tony loudly exclaimed that somehow, Peter was indeed cheating, Pepper turned and walked back down the hallway. 

“Friday?” 

“Yes, Ms. Potts?” 

“Cancel Tony’s press conference today, would you?” 

“What should I say is the reason for the cancellation?” 

Pepper paused as Tony let out a curse as the redhead assumed they started another race. “Just tell them he’s taking a personal day.” 

0-0-0

“Let’s do that Bowser’s Castle again,” Tony said, determined to not fall off this time. 

Peter hesitated, glancing at the billionaire. When the screen didn’t show the opening credits for the race, Tony looked up at the teenager and caught him staring. “What? Come on, let’s go. I’m getting better, I got eleventh last time. And don’t think I didn’t notice you slowing down for me a couple races ago. No gimmes.” 

Peter let a small smile light on his face. He wasn’t going to tell Mr. Stark, but exactly a week from today would be the anniversary of his uncle’s death. That was why he’d broken the Wii out again. He and May had something special planned for the day of, but Peter had his own tradition. Mariokart had been the last game he and his uncle had played, a week before Ben died. Playing the stupid racing game always made Peter feel a little closer to his uncle. And now, playing it with his mentor, somehow made him feel closer to Ben. As if playing with Tony reminded him of what it was like to have a father figure. 

Finally, Peter selected the Bowser’s Castle he knew Tony was talking about, and the two of them waited for the race to start.

[luv-surveys]

38

Put your music player on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.

hungarian march - hector berlioz

by your side (klischee remix) - klischee & tim freitag

memories (drinks bring back) - ajay stephens (cover)

lone digger - caravan palace

confident - demi lovato

rasputin - boney m.

second suite in f major, movement iv - gustav holst

slavonic fantasy - milan rericha

ma vlast, the moldau - bedrich smetana

cinnamon girl (club edit) - [dunkelbunt]

If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? i would spend a week in japan with my boyfriend, because i’ve always wanted to visit japan and tokyo and immerse myself in their culture -- it’s so fascinating!

What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) black pen.

Favorite month and why? i’m going to say may, because it’s pretty and warm and school is wrapping up (although maybe not this year...).

Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. nope.

Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. my phone, my water bottle, and my lamp.

What brand logo is closest to you currently? asus.

Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favorites? i occasionally play board games, mostly with my family or at my boyfriend’s house. my brother-in-law loves board games so we usually play one when we visit. my personal favorite board game is the game of life.

Name a musical artist you love that isn’t well known. caravan palace! i love electroswing and they’re top-tier. electroswing is a very underrated genre of music in my opinion.

Name a musical artist you love that is well known. i really like the beatles!

What is your desktop background currently? it’s my marching band section from my sophomore year at senior recognition.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? i last talked to my friend through discord.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow? pink lol.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? there’s my alarm clock, my phone, and my computer.

What kind of headphones do you use? i use apple earbuds and soundpal sonobass headphones.

What musical artists have you seen perform live? i’ve seen the trans-siberian orchestra perform live... and that’s it.

Does virginity matter to you? it does.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? we own a nintendo 64, a supernintendo, a playstation, a wii, and a switch.

What pets do you have? i have a dog.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? i’ve never had a job.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? still never had a job!

What magazines do you read, if any? i don’t read magazines anymore.

Inspiration behind your URL? it’s aesthetic and it’s about surveys. and i “luv” surveys.

Inspiration behind your blog title? i don’t have a blog.

Favorite item of clothing? probably my mom jeans, i always feel extra cute when i wear them.

Are you friends with any exes? nope.

Name at least one book you loved as a child. i loved little house on the prarie.

What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) my native language is american english.

What email service do you use? i use gmail and outlook.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? there’s a calendar and posters from marching band and winter percussion.

What’s your favorite number, and why? i like 4. it’s just very simple and even.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? standing at the window in my dining room and looking at my neighbor’s house. my mom came over and told me that a little girl lived there and i was going to meet her. she was my best friend for 10 years.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? we had chicken fingers, asparagus, and macaroni and cheese.

How often do you brush your teeth? twice daily.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? i like heath bars.

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? yes, i had a blog where i would post “aesthetic” pictures in middle school, and then a studyblr.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? right now, i’d probably eat some cheez-its.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? pokemon, legend of zelda, avatar the last airbender, harry potter, puella magi madoka magica. just look at the reddits i’ve joined haha.

If you could study anything, what would it be? music!

Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) yes, i use burt’s bees chapstick.

How would you describe your sense of humour? it’s sarcastic and spontaneous.

What things annoy you more than anything else? mean people, people who aren’t open-minded, dry hands.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? i’m cross-legged on my bed.

Do you wear much jewelry?

nope.

Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) our current leader is president trump. we have a state and local government but i don’t know the leaders of those.

What do you carry your money in? it’s in my purse.

Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? it’s okay. i enjoy it but it’s stressful and i keep having nightmares where i’m a terrible driver haha.

Longest drive you have ever been on? we’ve driven about six hours i believe.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? when i went to russia.

How many times have you moved in your life? i’ve never moved.

What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture?

my trash can, my mirror, my hamper, pillows, music, my instruments, my music stand, and my backpack.

How many devices do you own which can access the internet? five.

Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? yes, sleep haha.

Is there anything that always makes you sad? watching titanic haha.

What programs do you currently have open? i have chrome open.

What do you associate the color red with? passion.

Last strong smell you can remember smelling? the vanilla mug cake i made earlier.

Last healthy thing you ate? dinner (which was chicken fingers, asparagus, and mac n cheese).

Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? i do not.

What do you associate the color blue with? the ocean.

How long is the closest ruler you can find? it’s probably one foot.

What color pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? light blue.

When was the last time you drank water? about 30 minutes ago.

How often do you clear your browser history? maybe once a month.

Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? yep.

Ever written fanfiction for anything? yes, i wrote neopets fanfiction when i was younger LOL.

Last formal event you attended? my awards for marching band.

If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? i would choose mid january, because i’m tired of being the youngest in the grade! fall birthdays suck :(

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? the beach.

Roughly how many people live in your town? about 15000.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? nope.

Favorite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores a mall about 45 minutes away from my house.

Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? i have an iphone 8.

What is your favorite colour, and why? my favorite color is yellow, because it’s a happy bright color :)

How do you spell grey/gray? i spell it gray.

Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) it’s a cat in a plant! :D

What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? 51 lmaoo.

How many posts do you have? this is my 40th post.

How many posts have you liked? i’ve liked 21 posts.

Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? it’s mostly my own content, but i take the surveys from other accounts.

Do you track any tags? i don’t believe so.

What time is it currently? it’s 12:18am.

Is there anything you should be doing right now? sleeping, probably haha.

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

1, 5, 7, 16-20, 29, 32, 34-37, 41, 58, 73-76, 94, 96, 100 (hope thats not too much!)

Omg no it’s never too much, I’m excited!! Okay, here goes—

1. The meaning behind my url: It’s my favorite food! Grilled cheese and guava jelly

5. Piercings I have: I have two 😬 one in each ear that I got before I can remember because I’m Cuban. I’ve always wanted more, but I’m terrified of needles so I’ve settled for developing hard-core crushes on women brave enough to have multiple piercings (seriously though it’s a weird kink)

7. Biggest turn offs: Oh gosh. I don’t really even like to talk about these because most of them are triggered from traumatic instances, but let’s see if I can put them all together. Sexual: calling me sweetheart, calling me babe (or baby, but baby is fine if it’s in a dom/sub situation), asking me if I “like that”, saying “panties”, all of those weird names for vaginas people come up with in fanfics. General: people ordering for me (I know it’s weird but if you’re not my SO or we haven’t been dating at least a few months don’t assume you know what I like or what I want), touching the back of my neck, people chewing with their mouth open, not stopping if I ask them to stop doing something (this is one of my worst pet-peeves and if I have to ask you to stop more than twice I’ve automatically lost all of my patience with you because now I feel like you’re not respecting me)

16. Favorite movie: Ahhh whyyyy I hate this question! I’ll give you my top five as of today: Lion King, Avatar, Avengers Infinity War, Jurassic World, Carol

17. A fact about my life: I just spilled hot tea down my leg.

18. Phobia: Oh so many 😂 Let’s begin, shall we? Agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house), emetophobia (fear of vomiting), claustrophobia (fear of small spaces/being trapped), hexaphobia (fear of the number six), androphobia (fear of men), autophobia (fear of being left alone), trypanophobia (fear of needles), and the list goes on and on

19. Middle name: Michelle ☺️

20. Height: 5’ 6”

29. One insecurity: That I’m too talkative and people only listen to me to be polite

32. Have you ever painted your room?: Oh goodness yes so many times (it’s currently blue, but it’s like a powdery blue and I think I might paint it back to a midnight blue)

34. Have you ever slept naked?: No, I actually don’t think I have?

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: Oh yes definitely

36. Have you ever had a crush?: A few. I perpetually have unrequited crushes on celebrities, but as for people I meet or actually talk to, only a few.

37. Have you ever been dumped?: Yep, as of a few weeks ago.

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?: Actually no, I never have. I did threaten to run away once when I was about eight, and I made a packing list for me and my teddy bear. I was sure to include strawberries for him because they were his favorite. But obviously, because I was eight, my master plan didn’t work out.

58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: Yesssss, I don’t like losing and I used to look at people’s cards or Mahjong hands (but I play fair now, I promise)

73. Have you ever felt like dying?: Ohhhkay let’s get personal. The answer is yes. I went through a super dark time when I was about 19 and I was in an extremely toxic relationship. The answer is sometimes I still do, but I have a strong support system and surround myself with a lot of love, so it’s getting better, one day at a time.

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: A lot. Yes. But not in a few years.

75. Have you ever sang karaoke?: I used to have a karaoke machine, and I used to have those Wii singing games, but I’ve never done it as an adult because I’m terrified that I’m tone-deaf and no one is telling me 🤦🏻‍♀️

76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: Oh I’ve done a lot of things I told myself I wouldn’t do. Like. A lot. But I don’t think I regret any of them.

94. Have you ever been easily amused?: I find this to be such a strangely worded question, but I guess I’ll say yes? I think I’m always easily amused, I try very hard not to be a serious person.

96. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: Oh god no I don’t have the balls for that, but I was mooned on the Seine once 🤦🏻‍♀️

100. Give us one thing about you that no one knows: There’s a lot about me that no one knows... which to pick? 😂 Okay lets go with a gross one- when I was younger I used to obsessively pick at my toenails and sometimes I’d tear like half of them off by accident and my GOD it hurt like hell. So now whenever I see people being tortured in movies and tv shows and they get their nails messed with it really fucks me up.

[leilas-digital-scrapbook-blog]

“Your Favorite Game” – Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean

It’s all about videogames this week and I am living. Seriously, if 14-year-old-me had known one day she’d be sitting in a classroom in Edinburgh watching a presentation about the history of gaming, she might have been less emo about her terrible life choices. I’m sure she would have been proud of future-her for tearing up at the Wii picture, at least.

The battered PC I shared with all six of my siblings and a number of different Nintendo consoles have always been my gaming platforms of choice; the mainstream, more toxic-masculinity-oriented worlds of Playstation and Xbox (I’m sure that’s a load of crap, but that’s how they looked to me at the time – and in my defense, their fans did nothing to prove me wrong) held zero attraction on me. As for apps, well, I’ve bought my first smartphone about four months ago and still have to download a single game on it.

But Leila, that is great! You finally have an excuse to try! You love Pokémon! You love augmented reality! Download Ingress! Download Pokémon Go! Blog about those!

That sounds sensible, doesn’t it? (Or it would sound sensible if I hadn’t gone overboard with the exclamation points, at least.) But option #2 is to blog about my favorite game, and I will never, ever pass up an opportunity to gush about Baten Kaitos. Sorry, Pokémon Go. I promise I will give you a chance someday.

So, meet my greatest gaming love and lifelong companion, the game that ruined every other RPG for me and at the same time ensured that I would never really stop playing. Drumroll please.

Just to give you the basic information, Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean is a 2003 JRPG developed for Nintendo GameCube by Monolith Soft and tri-Crescendo. I played it for the first time when it came out in Europe in 2005 and as you may have gathered by my completely chill and detached tone, I’m still very much not over it.

As mentioned in a previous post, in order to fall for a game I have to fall for its story, and boy did Baten Kaitos deliver on that front. The premise is almost banal in its simplicity: a gang of improbable heroes gets together to try and collect a series of magical artifacts that will help them thwart the evil Empire’s plans of domination over their fantasy world. Yawn, right? Except that their quest is filled with mind-blowing twists and shocking reveals, and even before those come into play, the complex, lovable characters, the breathtaking world building, and the perfect balance of heart and humor make for the most compelling epic fantasy I’ve ever come across – not just in the gaming world but on any platform.

What really sets Baten Kaitos apart from other RPGs, though, is the gameplay. Even though I’ve happily played a wide range of genres, RPGs have always been my undiscussed favorite – and in most of them I’ve found the same two fundamental problems: one, the annoying notion that the player has to identify with the main character, which results in cardboard protagonists that rarely engage with NPCs beyond replying “Yes” to everything they say if they’re good guys and kicking their ass if they’re bad guys; and two, a boring battle system, which makes the hours spent leveling up a tedious obligation rather than one of the most fun parts of the game.

Baten Kaitos brilliantly solves the first problem by making the player’s mirror and the protagonist two different characters. In its world, special people can bond with Guardian Spirits that will advise them and make them stronger – and that’s exactly what happens to the protagonist, Kalas, at the beginning of the game. This solution allows the player to identify with the above-it-all Guardian Spirit, to move around and fight as Kalas, and to enjoy a rich, well-crafted story where the main character is allowed to speak his mind, to make mistakes, to grow. And it blurs the line between fiction and reality by making the Guardian Spirit a creature from another world – our world –, not really a character but rather a role for the gamer to play.

As for the battle system, as it often is the case, it’s probably way more complicated to explain than to just play. And it is pretty damn complicated to play in the first place. It’s turn-based (attack and defense), which is great for me because I’m not handy enough with a controller for real-time combat. Just ask the dozens of people who pwned me on World of Warcraft before I ran from that game in tears. And it’s card- and number-based, which admittedly can be a bit of a turn-off on first impact. After all, there must be a reason why Baten Kaitos sold so poorly in spite of being The Best Videogame Ever. But once you get the hang of it, there’s nothing like the rush of selecting the right combo, and even fighting puny soldiers and lesser monsters becomes as engaging as big, epic boss fights. After all, there must be a reason why I keep wanting to return to it even after completing it four times and knowing the story by heart.

Baten Kaitos is special to me for many reasons, some of them really personal, but from a more course-oriented point of view, it’s the shining model I want to follow for my individual project. Because I see videogames first and foremost as a medium to tell stories in a different way – by allowing the audience-turned-player to live them in first person, making important decisions and taking part in the action in a way we couldn’t imagine on a TV screen or in the pages of a book, and Baten Kaitos does it spectacularly. Here’s hoping Breakaway will come close.

More to come...

[rehkhana]

how to untwist your mentality and have better control of your mental health

This is a guide for the people who have been in a bad place for awhile and don’t really know how to get out of it; this will be more directed at students, as school can be a lot of stress for people and can be what caused people to fall into a slump to begin with, but that doesn’t mean it can’t help if you’re not a student!

You have to remember its all about constant and consistent progress, you’re not going to jump from getting by to thriving in a day, a week, or even a month. You need to set very reasonable goals for yourself, and maybe even underestimate yourself a little at first so you don’t overwhelm yourself, it will only hurt your motivations and make you doubt any progress you’ve made so far. 

Remember, everyone crawls before they walk, walks before they run, and they have to keep running before they can work their way up to the marathon. Also, by no means am I saying that doing all these steps or making all these changes in your life will make depression or other mental illnesses magically disappear, but it can make it much easier to manage and have less intense affects on your daily life.

From what I’ve learned from trying to manage myself, there are five aspects that people usually need to work on to see an overall improvement:

Hygiene/Organization

Self Image

Fitness

Diet

Social Media Usage

Now all of these may seem either daunting or pretty superfluous, but they all work together and can make a huge change in people lives.

Hygiene/Organization

First off, hygiene and organization can make a huge change in people lives. Spending 15 minutes a day and tidying up your desk area, putting away pens and pencils, sorting papers into the correct folders, putting laundry away, cleaning up dirty clothes off of your bedroom floor, cleaning up dirty dishes, putting clean dishes away, wiping off the bathroom sink, anything that cleans up in a small way can make a huge difference on how you perceive your environment. Continually passing by something and thinking “I need to do this” or “I need to clean that,” can take a huge toll on your mental health if it continues to be an issue, as tasks build up and they become much bigger monsters than they should be. I know it can be difficult motivating and getting yourself to do these things, even if you know its beneficial to you. I understand the lethargy, but sometimes you just need to get up and force yourself to do it. Here’s what I started doing to get myself back on track:

Make yourself a habit tracker: don’t put every single task you want to make into a habit on there at once, because you’ll overwhelm yourself. Put two or maybe three tasks on there, and keep them on there until you do them constantly for 21 days or 21 times at the interval of your choosing. 

Once you get a task down for 14 days or intervals, add another task or habit you want on there. For those of us that have the problem of forgetting to shower or eat breakfast, this is perfect. Soon enough you’ll start building habits for the little things.

Don’t put huge tasks on your habit tracker; this is for small tasks that don’t require more than a half an hour of time at max 

For larger tasks, have a small planner. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, just something to get the job done. This planner is for your and you only, and it will stay that way unless you choose to share it with others, so remember that when writing down things you need to do or events you need to attend.

If you still have issues remembering and holding yourself to your schedule, talk to someone close to you and ask them to help you on your journey, or set up reminders on your phone or computer, put sticky notes around the house or apartment, anything to remind yourself.

Self Image

Secondly, and I believe this is the largest obstacle that everything else plays into, is your self image. Hygiene and organization play a large part into self image, as do the other three topics I will talk about soon, but overall there are some small (or large depending on how frequently these things occur or how closely you tie yourself to them) that you can do to improve your self image: 

Stop saying self depreciating things. An excellent guide on specifically this topic can be found here that was made by @colacharm and a few others.

Have an honest self reflection session. Do NOT just focus on your flaws but also celebrate all your positive traits. The simple act of self reflecting speaks great volumes about your character. It should be an informative session for yourself rather than a session for you to chastise yourself. 

For students, start de-associating your worth with your grades. Everyone fails, everyone falls, everyone has weak moments where they have to pick themselves back up. @study-fox made a great guide on how to deal with failure here. Even if you don’t get the grade you were hoping for in the end, it does not mean you’re less of a person or a bad student. 

Air out your issues to someone who you trust. Don’t just drop it on them spur of the moment, but ask them if it would be okay if you rant to them a little bit or have a serious conversation about yourself with them. This will let them know that this means a lot to you and is a serious matter. If they don’t want to or aren’t taking the issue seriously, just choose someone else to talk to or seek out other help. If you have a good relationship with one or both of your parents, they can be excellent support. High school counselors can be a good person to go and air out your emotions to if need be, and most colleges have support groups that you can go to as a good option. Even if you don’t go to school or have completed school, there usually is a support group in your area if you go looking for it. I understand for many money is an issue and professional therapy isn’t a viable option due to it, but there are still other resources that you can seek out:

Anxiety and Depression Support Groups here

Depression and Bipolar Disorder Groups here

OCD Support Groups here

Managing Mental Health in General here

Realize that criticism is not meant to insult you, but help you better yourself. This is a hard lesson I’ve learned and that I’m still learning. There will always be some people in the world that are out to get you riled up, but just realize that you don’t own them anything, not a single explanation or reaction, and just walk away or leave a situation like that. People who truly want to help you improve yourself and help you on your journey won’t try to upset you and will apologize if they do. 

One thing that can contribute greatly to self esteem issues and depression is feeling like you’re not doing anything or at least anything productive. Start a hobby of continue with a hobby that involves physical things or produces something that can be seen in quantity; art, writing, coin collecting, baking, cooking, ect. Even if you hobby is something that may not be able to be put into quantity, find a way to make it visible; if you have a passion or hobby of learning a language, start making physical flashcards. Having something to remind yourself that you are doing something can always help during the rainy days. 

Fitness and Exercise

Another factor that can affect your mental health is fitness and exercise. Now note that I’m not saying yoga will solve all your problems or that you should go out and become a gym junkie (although do so if you would like), exercise and physical exertion in general is an excellent way to relieve stress and pent up tension. While I don’t have the studies on hand, there have been studies linking cardio exercise to improved mood for up to 8 hours after about a 15-20 minute cardio session. Doing some exercise as simple as stretching out your muscles can make a big impact on how you physically feel and can relieve aches that have bugging you for weeks or months if you just stretch it out. Personally, just doing about 15 minutes of stretches a day has made a huge impact on how I physically feel and I’ve been having less issues with my shoulders and upper back because of it. For those of you that want to add a bit of physical exertion to your day but just can build up the motivation to do so, find it too tedious to do so, or just don’t have the time for a serious workout, here are some tips that may help:

If you have a Wii, pull it out and hook it up and play some Just Dance! It’s pretty fun if you like the songs you pick out on there and dancing to about 2-3 songs depending on how long they are will get in about 10-15 minutes of cardio, which is enough time to get in that mood benefit. 

If you don’t have a Wii or don’t have Just Dance, you can pull up the videos of them on Youtube or just pull up some videos of choreography to any song you want and follow along in the motions. The point here isn’t to become a professional dancer or even to become good at dancing, its to have some fun while getting in some cardio. 

If you’re not a fan of dancing, pull up some of those old 80s exercise videos, some of them can be fairly intense, but they can still make exercising pretty entertaining. 

If you’re more for just stretching out, put on some calming songs or sounds and just start stretching out. It doesn’t have to be an extremely long session or anything, it can be as short as 5 minutes, just something to releases some of the stress built up in your muscles. 

In general, you don’t need to go to the gym for hours each day to get benefits from exercise, just 15 minutes at home doing some stretching or something to exert yourself can have so many benefits alone. 

You don’t have to sit there and just run on a treadmill or bike for 15 minutes while staring at a wall. You can pull out a phone, tablet, laptop, or even flashcards and work a bit on studying, responding to emails, working on a paper, anything you want so you get two things done at the same time.

Diet and Nutrition

Now another important factor is diet. The saying “you are what you eat” has quite a bit of truth to it. If you have only an Iced coffee for breakfast, skip lunch, and eat a huge dinner everyday, your body isn’t going to have enough constant energy to keep you going all day and you will hit a wall. Also, what you eat makes makes an impact. Are you eating stuff that fulfills all your daily nutrient needs? Are you eating enough calories? Are you dispersing your food and energy intake evenly throughout the day or do you eat the majority of your daily food intake at one particular time or meal? You need to take note of your diet and see how all these play out in your daily life. My recommendation or this is writing down every single thing you eat every day for 3-7 days, depending on whether you diet is extremely varied or if you eating something fairly similar every day. Now, do not track calorie count, nutrient percentages, or ingredients in any of the foods until after you are done writing everything down; if you calculate all this during your tracking period, you will unconsciously or consciously change your diet to accommodate for nutrients you discover you are lacking or over-indulging on. After this calculating all this, figure out what long-term and permanent diet changes you are able and willing to do. I will make this comment also for my vegan and vegetarian friends out there, to make sure you buy supplements or vitamin fortified foods for nutrients majorly or only found in animal products, like vitamin B12, which is important in maintaining mental health. Now, here are some quick tips that worked for me. As a disclaimer, I am not saying this will work for you or is viable for you, but I’m sharing my own experience on what worked. 

Cut down on a lot of processed sugars. I don’t eat a whole ton of really sugary foods. I still eat things with sugar mind you, I still put a teaspoon of sugar in my morning coffee and eat chocolate every once in a while and what not, but I've cut almost completely cut out a lot of things like gummy bears, sour patch kids, soda, ect. Honestly a lot of my go to snacks have become Triscuits, dried fruits, yogurts, and granola and fruit bars. 

If you drink coffee in the morning, eat something before you drink coffee. Eating something in the morning makes a big difference in how you feel throughout the day, and caffeine suppresses your appetite, so drinking coffee before you eat anything will discourage you from eating or discourage you from eating enough. If you must drink coffee before you eat anything, cut down on the amount you drink before you eat, then drink the rest after you eat. 

Drink enough liquids!! Water is a necessity but honestly just drinking enough healthy liquids in general is key. I like to drink one glass of cranberry juice a day a long with one glass of milk in addition to all the water I drink. It’s crazy how just drinking one extra glass or day or just drinking enough can affect your system in amazing ways. I’d recommend the app Plant Nanny to remind yourself to drink enough water, its for both apple and android. 

Now, this is not something I’ve had experience with it so I’m not going to go in depth about it so I don’t mess up the facts or give anyone the wrong idea of how to deal with it. If you have an eating disorder of any kind, or think you may have one, or something seems off, please go here. I want every single one of you who read this post to be healthy, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

Do not fall for fad diets! Everyone needs carbs, everyone needs fats, everyone needs enough food! Do not get sucked into thinking that ‘cleanses’ or ‘purges’ are good for you! The best way you can become healthier through diet is by creating a sustainable diet that covers all your needs, not by following one of these diets for a month or two and getting temporary changes or results. These do a lot more harm in both the long and short run than people realize.

Social Media

Now this one also contributes to of the above. Social media is a wonderful invention, it gives everyone a voice, lets everyone be connected, and introduces people to new ideas and things that they may have never known about. But given all this, its a tool that can very easily manipulate your mindset into thinking that you’re not good enough or not doing enough. I will never say to cut off social media, as its become pretty heavily integrated into our culture now, but here are some thing I would recommend:

Do not use social media at all for 1-7 days. See how much more free time you have, how it makes a difference, and how you feel while not using it. Use this time to focus on a hobby, focus on yourself, or accomplish some daily tasks you want or need to tackle. 

When you get back onto social media, purge your subscriptions and follows. Don’t follow or subscribe to anyone you do not enjoy seeing updates from or do not anticipate seeing updates from. You want all your posts or videos in your feed to be pertinent to you, so you spend less time searching or mindlessly scrolling in content. 

Do not be afraid to clean house with your social media. If you don’t really use one form of social media and only check it just to say you did, then just get rid of it. Recently I made an entirely new tumblr account because my other one was about 4 years old and it wasn’t giving me any positivity or joy anymore and I realized was just something I was clinging to because it was habit and a huge distraction from things I needed to do. I only followed a few dozen blogs on this tumblr to prevent me from being able to mindlessly scroll for literal hours and prevent myself from being productive. Sometimes you just need to push the restart button on some things to have good impacts on your life.

Conclusions 

Overall, I’d say take this guide with a grain of salt. All this advice comes from my own experiences and my own progress with my mental health. I still have bad days and bad periods, but overall they are less frequent and less intense since I started making changes like these. My experiences won’t be the same as yours, but I do hope everyone that reads this can find relief in their life and make some positive progress in managing their mental health. Here is some more resources that I’ve used in better knowing, understanding, and managing my mental and physical health: 

To be able to more easily identify emotions and emotional triggers, I use the Youper App, which is available on apple and android.

One category I didn’t touch on was sleep, which is also absolutely crucial. I personally suffer from quite a few sleep issues, insomnia and sleep paralysis being the most prominent, and I use the Runtastic Sleep Better app which functions as a sleep tracker and allows me to track disturbances in my sleep, as well as the quality of sleep I get each night. Its available on both apple and android.

Keeping a dream journal can allow you to more easily recognize what is a dream and what is not while you’re sleeping, which is immensely helpful for us who struggle with nightmares. 

I listen to ASMR a lot and I know its not everyone’s thing but if you haven’t listened to it I’d say try it and go into the experience with an open mind. I’d personally recommend WhispersRed ASMR and Gentle Whispering ASMR, they both have a wide range of videos that you can watch and see what works for you personally. 

Think of one thing a day that you appreciate or enjoy and write that thing down. Keep it in a journal or in a jar, just somewhere those writings will be safe, where you can go back and look at them on those days that are much worse than others.

Lastly, I will say trying to manage your own mental health is hard! Please reach out to someone or a group to help you in your journey. If you can afford a professional therapist then you’re golden, but I know some cannot so even just having someone there to give you support can immensely help. I hope this guide can be helpful to some! 

[official-mr-saxobeat]

N e way it has been 728 days since I last saw/had any communication from my older brother (and longer for my little brother, but I don't know the exact date bc I wasn't fucking PAYING ATTENTION.)

And you know what? I remember the day. 7-14-17. He told me he'd text me the next day and see me the next week. You wanna know how many times he's contacted me? Zero. He's also blocked me. All because his fucking CUNT parents (can you say: DIS-GUS-TENG) decided for some fucking UNKNOWN reason that our mom, sister, and I needed to be cut off completely. Literal family, disowned with absolutely no explanation. He and I were closer than ANYONE and ALWAYS told each other we were more important than anyone else to each other. He has had so, so many opportunities to contact me. Literally just sending a fucking letter could've worked. Just, "Hey, it's Tyler. Simon and I are ok. We miss you a ton. Don't send anything back." But would you guess what? Nope. Nothing. One of his friends said that he misses me, and is apparently going to text me once he's 18. But a mutual friend of ours (who's closer to him than the other one) said more recently that he hates me now! Neat. Great. Good. Wonderful. Our sister lived in a much, MUCH more dangerous house than his, and yet wouldn't you know it! She has contacted me every single time she's had the opportunity, and risked a lot for it too. Even if she couldn't carry on a conversation, she'd let me know that she was at least safe or ok. And wow! Now that she has a phone again, she texts me all the time! Almost like...if you put in the effort to contact someone you care about, you absolutely can! She's planning to drive down and visit me! (If you're reading this Pauline I love you SO HECKING MUCH HOE ASS HOE!!!!)

I even believe that our little brother would have contacted me if he knew how. He was fucking six the last time I saw him. He's turning nine this August. Of COURSE he can't contact me, he doesn't have a phone or know my address to send a letter.

Anyway. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. Lots of people have told me to just give up.

....

Don't they get it...? I can't ever give up. He was my everything. Absolutely everything to me. He was there, always, no matter what.

He has no idea how many times I've cried, sobbed myself to sleep over losing him. He has no idea how much sleep I've lost over him, whether it be from nightmares where he finds me and tells me he hates me and hopes I kill myself, or from not being able to sleep because I had an unexplainable feeling that he might, just maybe, come see me, and I didn't want to go to sleep for fear of not hearing a knock or the doorbell. I'd already gone through that with our sister. He has no idea how many times I've come so, so close to just texting him, telling him how much I miss him, telling him I've changed, how much I wish he'd come back. How much I wish I could just hear his voice. See his face. Hear his laugh.

I don't know what I did. I have absolutely no clue. Neither does Pauline. Or our mom. Not an inkling. I found a letter the other day from them when I was going through boxes. A birthday card. There were long messages from both of them (the cunts) inside, telling me how much they loved me, how proud they were of me and the young man I was growing into, how much they loved having me as a part of their family, etc, etc. Who knew that in less than a year and a half from then, they'd be telling me I shouldn't ever ask about going on a family trip to the beach. But not for the same reason it used to be. It used to be, "Don't ever ask if you can come with us on a family trip, you're OBVIOUSLY coming! Why wouldn't you? You are family, after all!"

Then it was, "You're so selfish. Don't EVER ask something like that. Why would you think you could just invite yourself on a trip with us? How DARE you be so disrespectful!? You should be ashamed of yourself."

I hadn't even asked to go. I had been on every single beach trip EVER with them. They were family, after all. Tyler told me they were going to Santa Monica and asked if I was coming. I said no. I hadn't even known anything about it. So I texted CUNT BITCH (CB) and she didn't respond. All I said was, "Hey, Tyler told me you're going on a beach trip on Monday and Tuesday, did you forget to invite me or should I just not come?"

She didn't respond for over four hours. Which was really fucking weird. Because she always responded to me. So I texted again. "It's totally fine if I can't come, I'd just appreciate it if you could tell me instead of leaving me on read please."

Wow! Would you guess what. CUNT FUCK (CF) (her husband) texted me ALMOST IMMEDIATELY from her phone. The message read something like (I don't have the original texts anymore),

"How could you be so selfish. Inviting yourself on a trip that's for FAMILY ONLY. (Insert rant about how I'm a terrible person and caused CB to have a "panic attack") (and yes, I know putting panic attack in quotations seems really bad, but she faked panic attacks the entire time I knew her, aka my whole life. And they got SO much worse in those last couple months.) You hurt CB so much. You know how much she cares about you, and yet you accused her of ignoring you. How could you. I'm disappointed in the amount of disrespect you are showing right now." (Side note, I went over to his house back in June, CB opened the door, didn't recognize me at first, then said, "Nope, get out!" And slammed the door in my face.)

Tyler came over the next day, we hung out, he left. When he hugged me goodbye he said he'd talk to his parents about bringing me on the beach trip, he didn't know why they hadn't asked me.

And that was the last I heard from him. Friday, July fourteenth, 2017. Never again. I don't know if he hates me. But it certainly seems like he does.

I don't know, maybe one day he'll contact me again. Maybe he won't. Maybe I'll live the rest of my life wondering what I did and why he and his parents hate me. Maybe he will contact me, just to tell me what a terrible person I am and how glad he is he was separated from me.

I don't know.

I just want to talk to him again. I want to tell him how sorry I am for being a bossy prick. For beating him up when we were little (but I mean we're fucking brothers, and that's just what we fucking did back then). For not being there on his 14th birthday. For getting angry when he won games. For being angsty all the time when I was older. For lecturing him about Homestuck all the time. For being in the hospital so much when I was younger (see: being angsty all the time). For spending more time with s/o's than him sometimes. For waking him up at 0100 in the morning in 7th grade. For being so flamboyant about my sexuality for a few years (god, that was bad). For saying TRIGGERED every two seconds. For hurting myself even after I promised I wouldn't. For not being good enough at the piano to play the Animal Crossing: City Folk museum theme with him. For not waking up early when he was over. For not making enough (or good enough) homemade gifts for him. For not having enough random gift days. For not listening to him when he said things I was doing were edgy. For making him listen to annoying music.

For not being a good enough brother.

I miss him so much. I miss Simon so much. I miss Pauline so much too, obviously, but it's different because I've been able to talk with her all the time. I know she loves and misses me. I also have a feeling that Simon loves and misses me too. He always liked/loved me more than anyone else. He hated his parents. He told me so. I was the only one that respected him. I feel like no matter the amount of brainwashing his parents did to him, he'd know the truth. I just hope he knows I didn't abandon him. That I love him so much. And that it hurts so, so much, every day. And especially on Christmas and his birthday. And Halloween. We loved Halloween.

It's 0606 now. There's 41 hours and 54 minutes until it's been two whole years.

I wonder if he remembers the day...?

I don't know.

I wonder if he'll read this one day. Probably not. But if he does I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I miss him and how much I miss our driveway talks in the middle of the night and Mario kart races and pool games and water pool games and snowmen and sledding and writing stories together and drawing maps together and listening to pop songs while making fun of them and playing the undertale song game and playing minecraft and watching markiplier and fighting and cheating at board games in each other's favor and sorting candy after Halloween and collecting shit money from a camel in that Indiana Jones lego Wii game and making characters in that star wars lego Wii game and screaming badgers at the top of our lungs and spinning in circles to the hamster dance and walking home from elementary school and learning Japanese and OPERATIONTWENTYFOURHUNDRED and Sliced and making house tour videos and other fucking stupid home videos and building legos and rebuilding legos bc of simon and REREBUILDING LEGOS BC OF SIMON and planning midnight snacks that never happened and going to the waterpark and going to the park and finally being allowed to go places on our own and practicing singing to you and seeing you at all my concerts and playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland to 100% together and making really disgusting food creations when we were really little and playing with your hotwheels and cleaning my (DIS-GUS-TENG) room together and having random gift days and all your birthdays and all my birthdays and your AMAZING peanut butter fudge banana smoothie (which I,,, still have yet to perfect) and you being absolutely blunt and truthful towards me (except about my drawing skills/drawings which you absolutely loved even though they were terrible) and going through the undertale files to try and hack the end credits so we could get through the mysterious door and having tea parties together with that FUCKING TINY tea set (I have a big one now though) and giving you fashion shows with fucking stupid clothes that were really bad and playing Wii ski together and Super Mario Galaxy together while you were Mario and I froze enemies and collected stars and playing HMTOT and playing Animal Crossing and you selling everything you caught and all your furniture (besides mario stuff, obviously) so I could buy the Gracie Grace stuff (god, I was a cunt) and EOU (YOU'RE AS BLIND AS A WORM) and essentially having our own language and reading jack and annie books when we were really little and just. There's 20,000 more things plus some but I could never list them all. Everything we've ever done together I miss.

I don't know your views on a lot of things now. I don't know what you think about gay people. I've heard that you've called me they instead of he ever since we stopped talking. That's understandable, though. I dressed like a girl and wore makeup and stuff. I was confused. I thought that's what you were supposed to do, as a gay dude. Obviously not. I'm way less out there about my sexuality now. It's not something I talk about. It's not my whole fucking personality anymore. Which is really good.

I've changed so much since I last talked to you. I'm not edgy anymore. I fucking finally hit puberty (GODDAMN IT WAS FUCKING LATE) and my voice is really deep and I've been growing quite a bit of facial hair, which is nice. I don't look like a fucking girl anymore because I stopped dressing like one and wearing makeup and stuff. I realized that being mistaken for a girl felt like shit and tumblr was shit for encouraging that, just because I'm gay. I haven't hurt myself since September 4th, 2017. So that's also good. I've seen the bad things in mom that I couldn't see before. (Even though there's literally. Nothing that should have made your fucking cunt mother and father disown Pauline and mom and I.) I've made more friends and lost a lot too. I've done more writing, but nothing too edgy. I got my shit together in school and I'm going to CCCC starting in the fall. I almost have my driver's license. One of my best friend's moms is the manager at Starbucks and I talked to her about hiring me, so I'm getting a job soon, too. I started learning the piano again, for the first time in 12 years. Since the last time your mom taught it to me. I started cooking more, and have made some pretty amazing dishes, if I do say so myself. Mom and I sent you and Simon birthday and Christmas presents every year. They always were sent back. Except for your 16th birthday. I bought you a pineapple pizza club pin and an orange dad hat with an orange on it. Those are the only things that ever haven't been sent back. I sent a note with them too. Did you read it? I hope so.

I brag about you all the time. Mostly about how smart you are. "My brother essentially taught himself pre-calculus in 10th grade, and STILL passed the class," I say. I then go on to explain that you were homeschooled and your math teacher almost never showed up to the online classes.

I've wondered often about what college you're going to go to, or even if you are going. We used to plan to go to one together. I can't even remember what I wanted as a career the last time we talked. I remember that you had no idea, though. I remember you being really good at coding. Maybe you're majoring in computer sciences? I don't know.

I really miss you a ton. Before she kicked me out, mom used to encourage me to send you a letter. I never did. I was scared. Scared of getting a letter back like the one I sent to Simon on his eighth birthday, or the Christmas package we sent in 2017. Both came back to our house with "RETURN TO SENDER!!!!!!!" written in thick black sharpie on the front. Even worse, I imagined a letter back in your handwriting. I would've been so, so ecstatic. Beyond thrilled. Then upon opening it, finding a handwritten letter from you saying that you never wanted to hear from me again and that you hated me.

It was selfish of me. To not send you a letter. I'm sorry. I texted you twice. You blocked me the second time. It was too scary to me. I should've been brave. For you. Just so you knew I was thinking of you. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I miss you so much.

After I moved back to our hometown, I thought about going to your house. I texted one of your friends. He said that he could text you for me. He said that you said you miss me. And that you'd text me as soon as you turned 18. Tyler, you don't even know my number. I don't know if the guy was lying or not, but I don't think so. He doesn't seem like the type. He said that you wouldn't have him communicate for us. I don't know why.

I don't know why your parents hate me. I don't know what I did. For the longest time, my therapist and mom and Pauline told me that I didn't do anything, it had to have been something between mom and your mom. I didn't believe that at all. If it was just mom, why did they cut Pauline and I off...? But eventually I started to believe them. That was clearly a mistake, seeing how your mom treated me when I saw her. I wonder if she told you about that. She literally slammed the door in my face. In her own son's face. Who she always told would always have a home with her. Who she always told would always have a place in her heart, no matter what happened between mom and her. So clearly I did do something. I have no idea what. Could it really be that I asked about if I had been forgotten for a trip...? Was 15 years of raising a child completely disregarded because I was curious and confused? Again, I have no clue. I doubt I ever will. But if that is the case. If that's why specifically /I/ was cut off (because I know there was something else between mom and your mom that she literally never explained. Literally all mom and Pauline and I know is that apparently mom was "abusive" for years towards your mom, despite nobody ever seeing it, her never mentioning it before I went to Oak Grove, and her saying that she "knew it happened, but didn't know what it was"), then I doubt that your parents ever really loved me. If a simple question erases a lifetime of care and love and bonds and family, then all of those things were never really there.

It's 0737. Yeah, I still use military time. Also, I wanted to do a speech (in my speech class) on why a time system based on 10's would be better for the world. Remember? You wanted that. I couldn't remember the details, though. Anyway. It's 0738. There's 40 hours and 22 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you.

I often wonder if you think about me. I think about you all the time. Have I faded from your memory? What am I to you now? Am I your brother, your closest confidant, your best friend, and your <>? Am I nothing? Just a faint thought, a distant memory? Or am I your worst enemy? Have your parents convicted you that I'm a horrible person? I desperately hope not. I hope you remember everything. And I hope that you realize that it's been a long time, and we both have matured a ton. Going from an edgy 10th grader who thinks dressing like a girl, screaming "GAY," and looking up undertale AU's are the coolest things ever to a college freshman who finally realized that sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, being an edgy cunt isn't cool, and responsibilities are actually important is a big difference. I'm sure you've had some huge changes too. You're almost 18. As of today, there's 2 months and 2 days until your birthday. I've been waiting for it for so, so long. An eternity, it feels like. I'm so scared. I don't know if you hate me or not. I'm going to text you. I'm not sure on what, but something. I'll tell you happy birthday. Just so you know how to contact me in case you want to talk. I have no idea if you'll just block me right off the bat. I'm hoping so, so much that Nathanael wasn't saying you hate me.

It's 0756. There's 40 hours and 4 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you. Error 404 means...something not found, right? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I miss you. I love you.

Please come back soon.

- E. Nikolas B.