#I’ve already figured out some dynamics and a romantic duo already it’s great

[hurdy-girly]

Me when I remember I have free will (I have an absurd number of dnd characters I will never be able to use which means I can instead just throw them all into an adventuring party together and turn them into regular fantasy characters)

[andro-dino]

May I either hear more about the KyoHyoTsu madness, Sakyo’s dad and mom hcs, or mayhaps a little of the hopeless romantic DSS?? >>:3333

AUGH THREE BULLETS IMMEDIATELY STRAIGHT TO THE HEART YES

kyohyotsu. augh i missed them so bad. another comic idea that I’ve had for a while that I don’t think I’ll ever get around to drawing is the three of them going for a walk, and Hyoma gets cold, and immediately the other two wanna give him a jacket but they realize three very important things very immediately

1. Kyoya’s jackets are sleeveless

2. Tsubasa doesn’t even wear a jacket in the first place

3. Really, Hyoma’s dressed the warmest out of the three of them

and they scramble. both of them are so disappointed in themselves as partners. ultimately they just settle on the double arm around the shoulder. Hyoma is 100% okay with this solution.

Also @ ur tags on my last post of them,,, we’ve already established that kyoya smells like dirt (/pos) to both Tsubasa and Hyoma. To Tsubasa, Hyoma mostly smells like fresh air and occasionally clean laundry. Kyoya thinks Tsubasa smells like lavender, but he can’t quite place what Hyoma’s scent reminds him of. It bothers him. He’s forced to bury his face into Hyoma’s shoulder occasionally to try and figure it out but he can never get it. This is also an arrangement Hyoma is 100% fine with

Bit of a hurt/comf one that is mostly kinda me projecting, but Hyoma very frequently gets waves of random sadness and a lot of the times when this gets bad, he gets really bad at communicating verbally, but also requires more attention. I think they have their own little way of going about it but usually this results in the other two cuddling and reassuring him when he needs it. It doesn’t make it go away completely but it helps and Hyoma appreciates it.

Tobio and dss,,,,, man I haven’t thought about them in ages either I miss them too!!!! Tobio is a character I love so dearly I love him so much. Him being a hopeless romantic is an idea I love so much but it’s even better when you pair it with his super cool guy persona. and I mean it’s barely even a persona bc he’s actually just kinda awesome and I love that for him. but like, he’s so flashy and charismatic and has this air of mystique to him all the time, and just imagine that contrasted with him being the biggest lover boy of all time. it’s great I truly do adore it. I can imagine it causing some hijinks as well because I like to think of both Tetsuya and ryutaro on the aroace spectrum and while they’re not completely without romantic attraction, it’s also not something that they’re entirely familiar with or know how to go about dealing with, so that paired with ultra romantic Tobio is just very silly. I imagine sometimes he gets a little overexcited when it comes to romance and tends to move a little too fast at times and has to physically hold himself back so as to not push the others too far. It’s not something he minds, just that he needs to adjust to properly. The others, for their part, I think both admire Tobio in their own ways. Ryutaro is very fond of him as a whole and appreciates having someone else who can share the braincell from time to time, and Tetsuya is totally enamored by how cool he is. Tetsuya and Tobio are definitely my fav individual duo between all of them (the movie definitely contributed to this) and I just think the idea of Tetsuya genuinely admiring Tobio and thinking he’s really cool but never fully expressing that is so sweet. Tetsuya tends to be very goofy a lot of the times but I think tobio’s presence inspires him to muster on his more genuine, affectionate feelings a lot more and I just really enjoy that dynamic. The three of them are all so silly and different but it’s in such a way that I really do think that they’re all just kind of perfect for each other and I really love that about them.

AND OH BOY. RYOMA AND VICTORIA KURAYAMI MY BELOVEDS.

I don’t know how much I’ll go into about them because recently I mentioned in a server wanting to write a full kurayami family lore doc and honestly I think I might actually get to that soon but like god there’s so much.

I do feel a bit bad because of the two of them, I think I’ve developed Victoria a little less than Ryoma just bc most of the thoughts I’ve had about them center around the dragon clan specifically and the themes they present but ourghh. ourgh. I’ll save the angstier stuff for the lore doc I think.

The two of them met as young adults. Victoria was a prolific blader and adventurer, constantly in search of new horizons and stronger opponents, yk pretty typical blader stuff. She’s a very vibrant character and very friendly, though always preferred to travel on her own. She enjoys taking in a lot of different scenery and exploring and learning as much as she can about every new place she comes by. A lot of the connections she makes on her travels are temporary, and she’s okay with that. She journals a lot so she never forgets anywhere she’s been or anyone she’s met there.

Ryoma meanwhile was one of the very few living members of the dragon clan, and those guys have never been all too familial in the first place. I’ve been thinking about his specific relations to Ryuga and Ryuto recently, as of right now I’m settling on the three of them being cousins. He was never close with them, both with him being a fair bit older than them and all of them being very independent individuals. Ryoma I think more than most other dragon clan members tended to stay pretty close to home, not really having any certain path he wanted to follow besides the general ideas of being as strong as possible and taking down strong opponents that were generally upheld by the dragon clan.

Their first meeting was on a volcanic mountain top. Dragon clan members are naturally drawn to volcanic areas, so Ryoma was just wandering a little further from home than usual, mostly just trying to clear his head. Victoria was traveling Japan at the time, again just taking in the scenery, enjoying a little bit of danger, when their paths crossed. The way I’ve pictured it in my head, I’ve described as very similar to Sakyo and Shinobu’s first battle. They lock eyes and almost immediately recognize each other as bladers both understanding that they’re about to battle. The battle itself I still haven’t decided concretely on the results of but the important take away is that they’re evenly matched, and both of them leave it very fascinated with each other. Ryoma is still very gruff and closed off at the time, so rather than lingering for long, turns to walk away. Victoria asks if she’ll meet him again, and Ryoma assures that she will.

And lo and behold, she does. They meet and battle several more times after that. At first, Ryoma thinks that maybe this is the destiny he was meant to follow, that she is his ultimate rival that he was destined to defeat/surpass, but gradually, the more they battle, the more they learn about each other as well. And eventually, it’s Victoria who first suggests that the two just. Talk. Hang out a bit. And they do. And it’s foreign to Ryoma. He’s not used to casual dynamics. He’s not used to feeling comfortable with someone else. But Victoria’s been steadily chipping at his walls and he’s welcoming this. For Victoria’s part, this is the most attached she’s ever been to anyone she’s met while traveling, but something about Ryoma keeps drawing her back in.

Ryoma doesnt disclose much about himself or the clan specifically, but as they do start becoming closer, and eventually falling in love, he does let her in on a little bit about his family being overbearing and disapproving of their relationship. Victoria doesn’t fully understand the extent of this and gives the best advice she can, and eventually, Ryoma ends up gaining the confidence to fully run away with her. It’s the most free he’s ever felt and it’s the first major step into allowing himself to become more of a person.

Their domestic life together is very comfortable. It has its bumps, especially at the end, but for what there is, it’s the best thing either of them have had in their lives. Both of them work together to take care of themselves and each other more, which is what eventually leads up to them having Sakyo. Ryoma loves him more than anything in the world, and is so relieved that he can give his son a better upbringing he had without the same expectations of the dragon clan (dramatic irony and all that haha). Both him and Victoria are such loving, hardworking parents who truly wish nothing more than to give their son the world.

I’ve already said a lot and it’s hard to go further from here without getting angsty ahshshd. I will say, in the manga-compliant version, Victoria, still alive, is very proud of her son and heavily encourages him to pursue both ballet and beyblade. She sees a lot of her younger self in him and holds great faith that in letting him go off on his own (with takanosuke)(I’m very quickly making childhood friend hcs about manga takasakyo bc there’s nothing stopping me now), he’ll be able to build similar strong, important connections as well.

IM REALLY WRITING TOO MUCH AND I PROMISE IM GONNA WRAP IT UP SOON but the one other thing I wanted to mention is that I do have a slightly less angsty au for Victoria and Ryoma where they meet as teens instead of adults. In this version, I think Victoria is able to more quickly get Ryoma to open up and break away from the dragon clan before their toxic ideals get fully ingrained into him, and it gives him more of an opportunity to be a kid and be able to enjoy his life more and I just think it’s very sweet and comforting. here’s some doods I’ve made of them bc I love them <3

[death2normalcy]

Since I’m officially done with the main guides to Stray Kids, I figured I’d do a couple fun guides, just for, well, fun. I wanted to start off with the dynamics between the boys. I’ve already talked about the three main rachas (3Racha, Danceracha, Vocalracha), but I thought it would be fun to talk a little about each friendship. (If you want to see even more about them, I’m going to have a playlist related to each post, and I currently have a finished dynamics series!) (There is 28 different pairings in this group, so they have to be broken up into multiple posts, lmao)

This post contains the following dynamics: Bang Chan and Felix; Lee Know and Changbin; Lee Know and Seungmin; Changbin and Hyunjin; Hyunjin and Han; Han and Felix; and Felix and I.N.

*Sort of a disclaimer: Each pairing will have a little nickname/identifier attached to them. Most of them come from stays themselves, whether directly or indirectly, but some of them I kind of had to create on my own. They may not be super creative, but it is what it is, lmao

Bang Chan and Felix - “the aussie bros”

nickname is pretty obvious, lol. they’re both from australia

another ‘soulmate’ duo.

both boys have talked about how comfortable it is between the two of them and how they don’t have to be extra to show each other how much they care, they can just be. chan even stated that he wouldn’t be surprised if they lived together later on in life.

they clearly have a very special connection, i imagine being two aussie boys in south korea, far away from home without their families, helped make that bond stronger. i think chan has even talked about how he didn’t want felix to feel as lonely and depressed as he did, being so far from home, so he was there for him.

when felix was eliminated during the survival show, chan told him to come find him, that he would never leave him behind, and honestly, it makes me emotional just thinking about it

felix has mentioned, but i can’t remember where, that chan is like a real brother to him

chan is always telling felix how great his singing is and how much he’s improved. honestly, chan is just great at hyping up the other members.

Pairing name: Chanlix

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

Lee Know and Changbin - ‘the loud bunnies’

both of their skzoo characters are bunnies (even if changbin’s is mixed with a pig) and they are both loud. very loud. the loudest in the group, honestly

their love language is hand holding and food

completely unexpected. i never expected to love this duo as much as I do, but they may be my favorite friendship in the group

this is one of those duos that feels like we don’t see a lot of it. like, they’re more lowkey, a lot closer than we’d expect.

chan’s left and right hands. they help out with the other members a lot, and they also have a lot of affection and love for the other members.

there’s so much of them that’s been happening for this comeback, it’s wonderful

they both have each other as their phone backgrounds and it’s so funny and cute. that’s what clued me in that they might be closer than it seems. they have stated that they do this because it makes them laugh, and honestly, i bet they make each other laugh all the time

the romantics of the group, apparently (them and felix). the boys chose them, mainly lee know, as the most romantic, and i know they were kind of being silly and were talking about stay, but i’d like to think that lee know really is romantic, but like...lowkey romantic. and changbin just screams that he’s big on the romance, not gonna lie

they apparently fought a lot in their trainee/early debut days, but the other boys have stated that they would make up pretty easily

Pairing name: Minbin

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

Lee Know and Seungmin - “the divorced couple”

we finally made it here, lmao

listen, don’t listen to these two dumbasses

they go on and on about how they ‘don’t fit’ or ‘don’t get along’, etc.

but they care about each other so much, it’s insane

seungmin literally cried an entire river when lee know was eliminated on the survival show, and although i don’t know the source, i’ve seen fans say he stated that lee know was his favorite hyung at some point

lee know has talked about how seungmin was kind to him in the beginning and how thankful he was for that, and while he teases and bugs him a lot, it’s clearly out of affection (once again, gotta mention that 9th episode again, since lee know wrote his letter to seungmin about how he was thankful to him for helping him adjust to trainee life.)

lee know also never shuts up about seungmin and finds ways to talk about him on the regular

arguably more alike than they will ever admit

despite appearances, lee know is the softie in this duo

but seungmin still cares a bunch, of course

they’re referred to as a divorced couple because of the popular sketch that the group did. there’s actually 2 videos: the original and the follow up they did for their 3rd anniversary. they’re really hilarious, and I highly recommend checking them out! It’ll also be helpful because the boys reference these two videos a lot, so watching them will let you in on some inside jokes)

Pairing name: 2min

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube (there’s so many videos out there for these two, i recommend all of them, lmao)

Changbin and Hyunjin - ‘cuddle buddies’

this was the first duo that hooked me, honestly

and it’s mainly because of the thousand and one clips of these two being cuddled up together during lives and interviews (reason # 495904 why no one believes hyunjin when he says he hates skinship)

changbin will never shut up about how much he loves hyunjin and how wonderful he thinks he is, and that’s valid, honestly

changbin is one of the co-presidents of the ‘everyone loves hyunjin’ club.

he’s so obvious about it that the group teases him, lmao. you can see this in their recent video celebrating Chuseok. changbin selected hyunjin’s name for an activity, and although it was supposed to be kept a secret, everyone knew who he picked immediately, because changbin is not subtle

however, hyunjin is always like ‘no’ and it’s a hilarious dynamic

but he’ll be like ‘ew, no’ while being cuddled up to changbin at the same time

it’s clear that hyunjin find comfort in changbin and, if im not mistaken, they’ve been close since trainee days, but i can’t remember where i heard that

changbin definitely makes hyunjin laugh a lot, but again, hyunjin laughs a lot in general, lol

Pairing name: Changjin or Hyunbin

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

Hyunjin and Han - ‘enemies to lovers’

got into a lot of arguments as trainees, or at least, didn’t get along very well. han has been very open about being difficult and angry when he was younger and he tended to have issues with communication. they talked about their ‘feud’ in their 2 kids room episode and stated it was over hyunjin trying to help han out with something and han lashing out at him for it. they’ve talked about their fighting multiple times, even in earlier 2 kids room episodes from previous seasons. they’ve talked about how they almost physically fought once and how they were just terrible at communicating with each other.

but they’ve also both stated that all that fighting in their earlier days brought them closer together, because they have nothing to hide and can just be themselves with each other.

their fighting is where the ‘dance better, rap better’ stuff comes from that you’ll see a lot in skz content. its based off an argument the two had.

but don’t be fooled by the fighting in their earlier days. they’re very close now, and there’s clearly a great affection and love there, as well as respect

in fact, han is the other co-president of the ‘everyone loves hyunjin’ club

if it’s not changbin, it’s han all over hyunjin and these two basically just fight for his affection, but he wants none of it, lmao

just wants a kiss, lmao

also the dumb and dumber duo. i once stated that it’s wild they didn’t get along before because they share one braincell and that one brain cell is constantly thinking of ways to be funny and dramatic as hell

part of paboracha (from the korean word that means idiot or fool), which is a nickname the fans came up with to affectionately refer to the trio of hyunjin, han, and lee know after a live with these three being silly and answering riddles (i highly recommend looking it up, it’s so funny)

Pairing name: Hyunsung

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

Han and Felix - “the sunshine twins”

their birthdays are one day apart, hence the twins thing. some fans even speculate that, because of time zones and whatnot (considering han was born in korea, and felix was born in australia), they may have been born around the same time. although, i have no idea if that’s accurate

they honestly give me similar but different vibes. like, the same person, but not. it’s so hard to explain.

i could go on and on about how they are so similar but so different, honestly

another soulmate duo, in my opinion. there’s a lot in the group, but the whole group fits, lmao

i think they bonded pretty early on? i’m not 100% sure on that, but from the clips on the survival show, han was the first one to hug felix when he returned, and he seemed so happy. they seem pretty close, either way

they both light up a room, i think the group has even said this, but i can’t remember where, lmao

when han does his little kissing thing (you’ll know what i mean after like, 1 video compilation, i swear), felix will joke around with him and try to kiss back, lmao

little nerds. felix is really into gaming and can even put together a computer (?) and han is always into random and nerdy stuff, from what i can tell.

Pairing name: Jilix

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

Felix and I.N. - “the angels”

referred to as angels during their 2 kids room episode (by changbin, i think)

get babied by the fans the most, and i bet it can get annoying for them, considering they’re in their twenties

these two seem to be into clothes and fashion the most? at least, just from what i’ve seen. i.n. is always showing us his outfits of the day, and i believe felix has talked about spending lots of money on clothes (i hope i’m not misremembering that, lol) and seems to be into trying new things with his outfits

underrated. felix brings in a lot of fans, but he tends to get overlooked for his dancing, and it’s ridiculous, since it’s a core member of danceracha. and while i.n. does get praise for his vocals, he tends to get a little more overlooked than han or seungmin. again, neither of these happen that often, more often than not, fans praise all the boys. but if we had to discuss being underrated, than yea.

they clearly adore each other very much and one of the members (lee know?) said that they are lovey-dovey with each other

but there’s not a ton about them? at least, not that i see on the daily.

i.n. once did an asmr video with felix and i have to be honest, i love it. it was so good and cute, i recommend checking it out

Pairing name: Jeonglix

Their 2 Kids Room episode

Random video compilation on Youtube

[metalandmagi]

Winter 2021 Anime Worth Watching!

Since 2020 basically sacrificed itself to give us the most stacked anime season of all time, I’m currently buried under the weight of almost 20 shows airing per week. So for anyone who’s looking for some anime to watch this winter, here’s some first impressions! I’m speed running my list this time by only talking about the new shows...because otherwise this would be my great American novel. 

If anyone’s interested, I have master lists for both 2020 anime and 2019 anime, because there’s no shortage of fun things to find. 

New Shows!

And before anyone asks, So I’m A Spider, So What? isn’t on here, because CG spiders freak me out.

Cells At Work Code Black: This...less comedic spin off of Cells At Work (made by a different studio) takes the wholesome concept of Osmosis Jones meets cute anime girls and turns it on its head. In this much more depressing version, we follow a rookie red blood cell who works in the body of an overly stressed, alcoholic smoker who puts every strain on the body imaginable. I love Red Blood Cell AA2153 and his co-workers, but man am I glad we get the regular Cells At Work airing this season too, because I need something fun and uplifting after seeing my sweet son go through hell every episode. 

*Heaven’s Design Team: Have you ever wondered how God came up with some of the weird ass animals that live on this planet? Like, what’s the deal with giraffes? And why can’t we have dragons and flying horses? Well this is a comedy about the engineers and designers in heaven creating the new animals that are going to inhabit the Earth. That’s it, that’s the show. It’s kind of in the same vein as Cells At Work, having comedy blend with a surprising amount of educational information. If you want something light and funny, this is the show for you (though I don’t think it needs to have full length episodes). I’m just hoping there’s an episode about how the hell the platypus was created. Also it’s the only new one available on Crunchyroll.

Horimiya: A romantic comedy about a girl named Hori who fits the image of a perfect queen bee and a quiet bespectacled boy named Miyamura who never makes an impression at school. When the two meet by chance outside of the classroom, we see that Hori is practically raising a younger brother by herself, and Miyamura is actually a sweet guy who happens to be covered in tattoos and piercings. This show is an exercise in breaking down the images people have of others in their minds, and it’s a concept that really hits home in a fun and meaningful way. Honestly, this has become one of my immediate favorites. The characters have great chemistry, and I can’t wait to see more of them!

Monster Incidents (Kemono Jihen): When big shot Tokyo detective Inugami is called to a rural town to investigate a series of strange animal deaths, he finds a mysterious boy with the nickname Dorotabo who has been shunned by the other children in town. As the detective gets closer to Dorotabo, he discovers that there may be more...inhuman secrets to the boy than he realizes...and Dorotabo discovers that Inugami has some secrets of his own. This is a hard show to sell without spoiling the first episode, but it had twists and turns that kept me engaged from start to finish. I’m really interested to see where the plot goes, because I thought this was going to be something totally different just from the PV and series summary. If it plays its cards right, this could be a great paranormal detective show!

Wonder Egg Priority: A psychological drama about a girl named Ai who starts having dreams about a mysterious egg that promises to give her what she wants most in the world...a true friend. Before long, she begins to see how the dream world and reality are tied together, and trippy antics ensue. It’s hard to say more without spoiling anything, but I had to go back and add this one in because I made the mistake of thinking it was an OVA when it’s actually a full series. And what a series it’s starting out to be. This anime has all the psychological discomfort of a Satoshi Kon product with the beauty and style of something from Kyoani (even though it’s made by Clover Works). It’s really one of those anime you just have to see to understand.

Sk8-∞ (Skate the infinity): An original skateboarding anime from Bones, featuring a typical sports anime protagonist who takes a new transfer student who has never skateboarded in his life under his wing. Together they compete in dangerous races and take the skating community by storm. The character designs rival Appare Ranman’s in outlandish creativity, and I can smell the main characters’ ship dynamic a mile away (considering they’re exactly the same as the protagonists from Robihachi). If you’re looking for some wild and crazy fun with top notch skateboarding animation, don’t skip this!

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu (Seiin High School Boys Volleyball Club): Yes, it’s another volleyball anime. And no, it’s not just a clone of Haikyu. This story follows Yuni Kuroba, a physically built but emotionally weak teenager who finds out his childhood friend Hajime is moving back to their hometown for high school. Yuni discovers Hajime has become an exceptional volleyball player and they join their school’s volleyball club hoping to turn the unknown team into a rising star. If anything, this anime is much more like Stars Align or Free, where the sport is a backdrop for letting the characters explore their personal problems. Or at least it seems that way after the first episode. I went into this show ready to throw it in the trash because how could anything compete against my beloved Haikyu, but I found myself really enjoying the dynamics of the main duo and I’m curious to see what the rest of the team is like.

And speaking of sports anime rip-offs…..I can’t believe I’m including this but…

Skate Leading Stars: The show where the animators clearly wanted to design another throw away idol anime but saw how popular Yuri On Ice was so they decided to make whatever the hell this show is instead. It revolves around a fictional team sport called skate leading, and we follow the world’s most insufferable main character, a former figure skater named Kensei who wants to return to the ice and join his school’s skate leading team after he finds out his childhood rival is going to compete in the sport. Look, this show is just trashy enough to get a certain type of audience hooked, and it mainly has to do with the best boy of the winter season, Hayato Sasugai, the aspiring team “coach” who pulled most of us into watching this show with his punk appearance, snide comments and smug personality. He’s basically the lovechild of Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima in a high school sports anime setting. The show treats itself with the perfect amount of sincerity to get away with being absolutely ridiculous most of the time without making you feel like you’re watching it from a dumpster...like Try Knights. You will know after one episode whether this show is for you. All I can say is, Hayato is worth the watch, and I haven’t seen any 3D animation used for the skating scenes (yet) so that’s a win for me. 

Honorable mention:

Jobless Reincarnation ( Mushoku Tensei): Yet another isekai where the main character is hit by a car (big surprise) and gets reincarnated into a fantasy world...but he happens to remember his previous life and narrates himself growing up as a jaded adult. I’m only including this because it looked amazing animation wise, and I love the opening where getting hit by a car and dying is actually traumatic. And I love the protagonist’s parents (who are retired adventurers who just want to bang all the time). But honestly...the main character is the fucking worst, and I don’t know if I want to keep watching it because of how creepy and weird he is. Like...he’s the hit on your fantasy mom as a baby kind of creepy and weird. But for anyone who wants a cool looking isekai that had an amazing PV, it’s worth checking out. 

Continuing Series!

Because the real gold of the season is in all the established anime getting their next seasons, I’m just going to list some of the things that are also amazing and definitely worth checking out if you haven’t already (because I’ve already talked about most of them at some point and don’t know what else to say).

Attack On Titan season 4

The Promised Neverland season 2

Beastars season 2

Log Horizon season 3

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime season 2

Re: Zero season 2 (second cour)

Dr. Stone season 2

Cells at Work season 2

Osomatsu-san season 3 (second cour)

Higurashi New (second cour)

Jujutsu Kaisen (second cour) 

Not to mention all the shows I don’t watch that everyone else loves...like World Trigger (which I have seen quite a bit of, but long shounen shows are too much for me now) Quintessential Quintuplets, and Non Non Biyori. 

So there’s just some of all the anime airing this season. Hopefully, someone can find something they like. Here’s to a great year...well, of anime at least...

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

 1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson 

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.  

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.  

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart. 

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping. 

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure. 

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

 2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

 Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened. 

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything. 

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations. 

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera. 

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet. 

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community. 

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected. 

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader. 

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr. 

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved. 

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too. 

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure. 

 It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans. 

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people. 

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno. 

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality. 

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation. 

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth. 

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over. 

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men. 

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

[kiaracarrera]

Outer Banks Character Opinions S2

I think I'm going to make these character opinions a seasonal thing. Please enjoy my messy, rambley, late night thoughts.

John B: Oh John B... John B... I've had my ups and downs with how I feel about John B, last season I said he was my least favourite Pouge and whilst I wouldn't say he's become my favourite I do find it hard not to sympathise and love who he is at his core. Last season I wrote about how John B's worst trait time and time again is that he's selfish. It's understandable and it's forgivable because he's young and lost and confused, but you can't deny this boy continues to display selfish behaviour. We saw it in season one which I've already discussed here and it continues, albeit to a slightly less degree in season two. Somehow though despite this selfishness, his charm and charisma and most of all his deep rooted loyalty to those closest to him make it impossible not to want to see him succeed. John B came a long way for me in season two and I think he'll only continue to grow with time. I will say that I enjoyed John B and Sarah as a couple significantly more this season than last, maybe because what they had felt more real and less rushed. Their problems weren't as surface level and you could truly see the depth of their connection, I'm excited for where season three might take them.

Kiara: Yeah I know, Kiara was annoying as shit in episode two basically ruining the recon mission which could have prevented a lot of issues but Kiara is literally the definition of ride or die and if you don't love her then I'm not here for you. I really enjoyed the fact that they seemed to utilise Kie as a character more this season than last because I definitely had a problem with the way her character was underappreciated in season one. My heart broke at every scene with her parents because I could understand both sides and it actually made me want to see more of these parent/pouge dynamics! I'm going to talk a little bit about the parents of OBX in a later post! Then there's the Pope or JJ of it all - The quick version of my thoughts are that I liked what they did with these relationships this season. I've seen some people say they felt Kie/Pope was dragged on for too many episodes but I thought it was perfect, it gave them the chance to properly explore things and realise they weren't meant to be without sweeping the connection completely under the rug. Meanwhile I got exactly what I wanted and needed from JJ and Kie - a few small moments and hints at a potential ship whilst not rushing into anything. Can we just take a second to appreciate how similar JJ and Kie are, not just in their hopes and dreams for their futures but in unwavering loyalty, their coping mechanisms, their wit....the besties to lovers vibe is strong with these two. ALSO Kiara Carrera Confirmed!!!

JJ: "Do you have any idea how special your son is" - You know what hurts about this is that not only is Luke unaware of how special his son is but I think JJ is just as incapable of believing it. Where John B is selfish JJ is selfless, he'd literally lay down his life for his friends and you can just see that he thinks it's a half life anyway, one that will end with him in prison or dead, as long as it's after his friends are happy and safe I don't think he'd care either way, sad but it's true. Despite how much I love Jiara my main ship for JJ is a happy and healthy life, that's what I want season three to bring him most of all. Now I've already talked a little bit about Jiara but I wrote a note in terms of Pope that said "Bro the way I don't even ship JJPope romantically and yet this hot tub neck nuzzle/wrestling scene got me feeling some kind of way".... and I stand by that, like woah they almost had me in the first half of that season. Also can we just appreciate JJ in that white shirt and backwards hat because man, he's fucking beautiful.

Pope: Pope deserves all the love, all the happiness, all the health. I honestly feel like Pope had the most growth this season, from a worried kid who stressed over everything to a brave and determined young man who was ready to risk it all, despite still being slightly on edge. Also I really appreciated the way he handled the whole Kiara situation, sure he was upset and probably angry with the way she lead him on a little but he never pressured her to be or feel anything other than what she did. Pope understood that Kiara was probably just figuring out her emotions (which is completely understandable at their age) and valued their friendship enough to put that first. The whole Limbrey/Tanney/Heyward thing was great!! We love to see complex black characters with deep rooted histories being explored!! The Cleo/Pope dynamic was fun and hopefully one we'll see more of next season! I don't know if I ship them yet as it's only early days but I certainly see potential and if Pope's happy then I'm happy!

Sarah: Dare I say it... Is Sarah Cameron becoming one of my favourites? I really really really enjoyed her character this season and honestly the less she was with John B the more endearing she became to me. Like I said it's not that I didn't enjoy her and John B as a couple, but seeing the dynamics she had with other characters just made her feel more complex to me. I think also seeing her stand on her own and at times against John B made her feel authentic in a way that 'heart eyes/Iove just walked in' Jarah didn't last season. Sarah and Kiara are the duo we always knew we needed and I also can't wait to see more of the friendship between Sarah and Cleo! Going into season three I'm excited to see the way she handles her life minus her family. Sarah is in the interesting position of having her life completely turned upside down and I think it will provide some interesting character growth next season.

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 1.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 2k

A/N: ahhhh so this is my first series that I’m posting here! I’ve went for the fwb!au but I will do a mob one soon too. It will be full of angst, smut, friendship, love, heartbreak, absolutely everything. I hope that you all will like it, and I would appreciate it if you comment, reblog or send a feedback!🥰

Also my tag list is open for the series!

Warnings: mentions of smut, swearing

It was a Friday night and that meant party all night.

Well not for you.

You weren’t a party girl. Sure you went here and there on some frat parties with your friends, but every Friday? Hell no.

The Friday nights were reserved for a book and a cup of tea.

You were a shy one, you kept your circle small. Tom, Harry, Anna and Amelia.

You were a big bookworm, and hopeless romantic. A great duo for sure.

Sometimes you felt like an ugly duckling. Amelia and Anna were gorgeous and appealing brunettes, just like other college girls, but with a great personality. They were a whole package if you asked me.

You would say that you were an average looking girl. Nothing to special.

You just wanted a guy that would love you for who you are on the inside, not outside.

Too much books, I know.

“Maybe it’s time to head to bed.” You said to yourself, after you caught yourself overthinking, again.

-

“Jesus Christ.” You sighed, the doorbell waking you up.

It was 20 minutes past midnight, and you were now worried who is at the door at this time.

“Again?” You groaned, rubbing your eyes.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I really needed a break.” Tom spoke, running his palm through his messy hair and massaging his scalp.

You motioned him to the living room, styling your hair that was sticking out everywhere, as much as possible.

“Great, I look like a zombie.” You murmured to yourself as you went to the couch where Tom was seated.

“Want anything to drink or something else?”

“Yeah…something strong?” He said, pushing his back flat on the couch.

“You know that I only have wine here.”

“It will do the job.”

-

“So..will you tell me what is tonight’s reason for your visit?” Your figure sat next to Tom’s, enjoying a late glass of wine as well.

“She saw me with Stassie today, so she went bonkers.”

Ah. Typical Tom.

Well let’s go back to the start shall we?

If you were honest, there was a lot, but still nothing to tell that wasn’t familiar to everyone.

Tom. Your typical frat boy.

Hot guy, astonishing body, soft curly brown hair followed with the dark brown eyes that had every girl drooling. His charming smile that he flashed to every single girl, covered up his conceited behaviour. Although he was a very charismatic person, he was a bit big-headed.

Did I say a bit? I meant a lot.

Parties were his scene. Tom loved the attention he got from the people almost immediately when he would enter the party place. Girls were basically throwing themselves on him, waiting for him to acknowledge them.

Tom was aware of the effect he had on the ladies, and he sure took advantage of that.

Every weekend there was a new one in his sheets.

He didn’t do feelings, some girls knew, some didn’t. So the morning after he would throw them out of his room half naked, all shattered and with the disgusting feeling that they were used.

He had a reputation, after all he was the most wanted boy out here, everyone’s dream was to become something to him.

Unfortunately no one had succeeded.

Did Tom say she a minute ago? Oh yes.

She was Sophie. And no, she wasn’t his girlfriend, but she sure didn’t think that way.

Sophie was your classic example of a girl that doesn’t understand the word no.

She was one of Tom’s flings, a beautiful, but fake girl. They got together at her 20th birthday party, it was just a one time drunk sex. Tom waited for her to feel asleep after a long session, so he could just go home and get at least a little amount of sleep.

However the next day at college, Sophie was like a limpet.

She didn’t let him breathe, even though Tom explained how he worked.

To be rejected or not interested in her was a unknown term for Sophie.

“Look, we shared a night, had sex and that’s all. It’s how I roll sweetie okay?” He desperately tried to get her off of his back.

“Tommy, I know how you do things, but you can’t lie about the chemistry. We just need to be together. And the sex is amazing.”

And that’s how it started.

Tom was loud and clear, not just with her, but with his friends and other ladies that she isn’t his girl, and never will be.

He really hoped that Sophie would let him be after a while, and she really did, but Tom just couldn’t keep it in his pants.

The Spring party.

Everyone got shit-faced, Tom was super turned on by a sweet brunette that clearly wasn’t interested in his lame flirting.

Sophie came in for a refill in the kitchen, but she was a godsend for Tom at that moment.

“Soph, sweetie mind if I get you a drink?”

“Thought you were clear about your feelings for me Tommy?” She answered, playing with the end of her dress.

“Yeah, yeah..How about I get you that drink, and we could catch up on things, ya know like old times?” He crossed his arms on purpose, flexing his biceps.

“I knew you would come back.” Sophie laughed, wrapping her slim arms around him.

It happened again. And Tom left like the last time, but once again Sophie didn’t get the message.

It became much more harder for him to avoid her, she was all over the place. She ruined his possible hookups, tried to meet his friends, brothers. It was getting on his last nerve, and even though he said that he doesn’t do relationships, she didn’t give up.

Sophie just wanted to be in the spotlight, and Tom was a great opportunity.

-

“Dear God. I told you that this lifestyle of yours would cost you. You should’ve refrain yourself for one night. Now you have a fake and crazy girl on your back, and no freedom as well.” You said, secretly eyeing him, he was hot you couldn’t lie.

“Thanks for not helping Y/N. Fucking hell I just want her to disappear, she is hundred percent crazy!”

“Why don’t you for once think rationally. Call her, take her for a coffee, tea whatever, sit down. Talk. Like normal people, tell her how things are, use your magic. But be nice and direct, she needs to get it in her head.” You tried your best to help him, after all he was your best friend and crush since preschool.

Stupid choice I know.

“I think so, but I wouldn’t be surprised that she spreads the news that I took her on a ‘date’, not a ‘can you please fuck off’ coffee.” Tom spoke clearly annoyed, filling up his empty glass.

He was tipsy already, and so were you. The wine absolutely did the job.

You were now nervous, your heart thumping against your ribs, the silence wasn’t an issue between the two of you, but tonight something was different.

“Why are you laughing?” You questioned, looking at Tom.

“Nothing darling, just remembered the day at elementary school.”

“Oh God. Which one?”

“You know, when you almost punched Elizabeth when she said I gave her a flower, and that I’m her best friend now.” He looked at you smiling like a child.

“Hey! You couldn’t blame me I loved you, you were my bestie I thought you betrayed me!” You stated, turning your body to his.

“Oh loved?” He grabbed his chest, trying to look hurt, but failing after a loud laugh escaped from his lips.

Your hand slapped his chest playfully, as an answer.

“This wine is crazy, I’m definitely going to consume it more.” He spoke.

“Well you for sure will if Sophie freaks out again.”

“New bottle?” You asked, standing up, your legs wobbly from the alcohol that was running in your system.

“Sure, it’s a long night after all.”

You tried to be as relaxed as you could be, but Tom’s presence tonight didn’t let you be.

Tom was also tense, the wine messed with his mind, he didn’t got laid for days, and the silky white shorts of yours didn’t help him at all.

You were in front of him, opening a bottle, but he just couldn’t control himself. His eyes were glued on your slim legs and tits.

He knew that under those hoodies that you wear on a daily basis was an incredible body.

Tom finded you attractive, absolutely stunning. He thought about you on his bed, whining for him, he really did wanted to have sex with you, but he couldn’t. You were his best friend and Tom didn’t want to hurt you.

But fucking hell. Tonight you were making him go nuts.

“I’m worn out.” You said exhaling the air.

“Live a little Y/N. Your nose is 24/7 in those books, give yourself a break, don’t be so boring.”

“Me boring? Oh excuse me that I don’t have such a dynamic life as yours.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hell yes you are, when was the last time you had sex?”

“What?!” Your cheeks were burning, and you couldn’t believe he asked you that. Sure you two had conversations about sex, but only about his sex life, and by that I mean who he slept with not how and where.

“You heard me, c’mon we’re friends you can tell me everything.”

Stupid Tom.

“Yes we are, but I would love to keep the informations about my sex life to myself.”

“So you’re a virgin?”

“TOM!” You almost chocked on the wine.

“Well?” He smirked, feeling how you got more and more shy from the conversation. God he wanted to fuck you so bad.

“No I’m not a virgin!”

“Then you can tell me when was the last time hm?”

“I don’t remember ok?! Jesus, the last time was probably the week before me and Noah broke up.” Your voice almost a whisper, realising that you were presumably too boring.

Tom just whistled the ‘wow that’s tooo long’ whistle, earning an annoying look from you.

“If it helps you I didn’t bang a girl for like a week, maybe more?” His answer turning into a question.

“Yeah, that helped me a lot, thanks Thomas.”

“Always here to help you.”

You once again slapped him playfully, but with the arm where your glass of wine was, spilling the beverage on his shirt and sweatpants.

Shit.

“Fuck, sorry! I’m drunk, I-shit.” Yes, you were absolutely drunk, because the sober Y/N wouldn’t try to dry Tom’s crotch with her hands.

Tom’s eyes opened widely. The feeling of your palm rubbing his now hard dick, speeded up his breathing.

Your knees were on the couch, and your body extremely close to his. You still didn’t have a clue what you were doing.

“If you’re gonna clean me up like this, I might spill some of this by myself darling.” He groaned, raising the glass in the air.

That was enough to send your mind to reality.

“OH GOD. I’m so sorry, oh my God this is so embarrassing right now.” You tried to sit back down, but Tom’s hands stopped you.

Before you could fall on the purple carpet in your living room, his grip brought you into his chest.

Your hands were on his thorax, his arms on your lower back.

“Shit, am I on his lap right now?! What the fuck is happening?” You thought inside your head. What a great situation to be in.

“You’re making me so hard now Y/N.”

You were speechless. This wasn’t happening.

“I think it’s a big shame that you don’t have any kind of relief after a long day.” He whispered in your ear, breathing in the sweet scent of your shampoo.

“Tom.” Your mind was hazy, you tried your best to resist this, but holy shit you wanted this since forever.

“How about I suggest something to you darling?”

[hamaon]

JGY or WWX?

I feel like a fair disclaimer to give before getting to Wei Wuxian is that I watched the Untamed despite, not because of, wangxian! I originally checked out the beginning of the animated series because someone I followed was getting into it, but I already had an inkling that the main romantic relationship in this romance wouldn’t be my cup of tea. The Untamed followed, more than half a year later, really only because I had hit the gorgeous soundtrack on youtube.

How I feel about this character Part of the reason I presumed I wouldn’t be into wangxian was because neither of the main players really spoke to me, and on this account I am happy to have been proven wrong! When I finished the show, Wei Wuxian was probably my favorite character. There's something very satisfying about a surface-level heroic main character hitting his absolute lowest points and starting to be actively harmful to himself and others. “This is all I’ve ever wanted for the class clown type of character”, I think I said at some point. Let it all burn.

I go back and forth on whether I find the flightier parts of his personality charming or annoying, but it’s a spectrum. The Untamed version is my favorite, character-wise.

All the people I ship romantically with this character Nie Huaisang, in the sense that, what with their roles in the plot, it would be fascinating to see how things would play out if this was the main romance, instead. Especially because romance would not be Nie Huaisang’s priority. What would the relationship trajectory even be, teenage sweethearts, ending with a definitive breakup by the finale? I've never sat down with the idea long enough to do anything with it, but sometimes it comes back to me. The main reason I'm into it is because hey, it's the main character & the main driving force behind the story! this is an intellectual puzzle to work out!, but they also had nice, easy chemistry when they were young and seemed to enjoy each other's company, which was something that was... not present in the actual main ship as far as I could see, and apparently my only kink is obvious mutual interest and stability in a relationship. I don't think they really had romantic/sexual chemistry in particular, but hey.

Wen Ning. I just think ningxian is cute. Also has lots of potential for difficult and uncomfortable exploration re: consent and autonomy.

But I think at the end of the day, the only relationship he has that just by the actual shape of it would be something I'd be interested in seeing turn into a romantic and/or sexual relationship is with Wen Qing, which, uh. Yeah. The fond push-and-pull, the two leaders, it’s good stuff. Just a physical relationship during their hunkering together time would be fun, too.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Jiang Cheng. I remember originally being pretty peeved about the fact that the romance (censored or not) is treated as the main focus when the Yunmeng duo is, to me, the real heart of the story. Let Lan Wangji be a supporting character.

I'm not sure if I really want a reconciliation between them, personally, but I want to note that it’s not because I think it would be fundamentally impossible, or because one or both of the characters is genuinely better off without the other. I think it would be very good for them if they managed some sort of genuine healing together!

I don’t want a reconciliation because thinking about their complete and total failure to communicate and consequently never making up makes me experience genuine agony in a very satisfying way. I have in the past gone into people's tags for the two of them and managed to work myself into a sobbing mess within five minutes. It is extremely cathartic.

My unpopular opinion about this character That time when he walks into a Jin party and starts throwing threats 3-2-1, part of me is going “fuck yeah” and part of me is looking at all the collateral damage servants trying to stay out of the way in the background, who never asked to be terrorized by this very powerful man. It’s not something that makes me dislike the character in any way or form, as stated before if anything it just makes him more interesting to me, I just don’t think that it was an uncomplicatedly ‘cool’ moment.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon The man should be actually responsible for his own misdeeds. I’ve heard people say that this was a censorship thing, but I have no sources on that.

And A-Yao gets to go under a read more.

How I feel about this character Continuing down the nostalgia lane, my initial reactions were “this man smiles very deliberately” and, towards the end, “man, fuck the gentry, you should get to win”.

I, hm. It feels sometimes like there are two kinds of opinions that fans have, and I don’t connect with either of them! There’s the “this character is an unrepentant asshole and I’m proud of that, you don’t need to make up sympathetic motivations for villains” which, while I agree that he can justify a lot to himself, just doesn’t ring true to me. I think that many of his actions were either forced by the circumstances, or understandable, or sympathetic and made with decent intentions, or not particularly bad compared to shit that other characters and their society as a whole gets to.

Obviously there are all these breakdowns about the specific acts of altruism that he does that in-universe are rare from someone that high up in power, and those are great, but even without all of that, he was a stable, peaceful, competent ruler who wasn’t doing any large-scale nasty shit after a series of complete nightmares on the throne, and upsetting that long-standing balance should bring about repercussions for several social classes that does more harm than anything he was individually doing at any point.

As for the other take, there’s the “oh no he’s so small and so cute and should be pampered so much” which I don’t... get, emotionally, and additionally it is reaaal hard for me to see the character as someone who either wants or would even particularly enjoy being the one being taken care of. Usually my response is-

There’s that part during Nie Mingjue’s capture in Empathy where he’s just, running the whole show? Like, on one hand it is very important that he’s probably the weakest person in the room, and might lose in a direct confrontation against even the random soldiers standing to the sides, and if he plays his cards wrong or even sub-optimally one of the two big strong cultivators in his vicinity is going to pulverize him, and also aware of all of this at all times and living in low-key terror. But also -- he pulled it off.

If I’m working myself toward some emotional response with “A-Yao small” it doesn’t end with “someone should hold him 🥺” but with “and doesn’t that just make it all the sweeter that he sat on that throne”. (I have two kinks, and the other one is power reversal.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character Only Lan Xichen, really, but there are some tentative side paths to take!

Qin Su, in that the initial attraction would be fun to explore, and then it becomes less about the relationship dynamic and more about the underlying horror.

Nie Huaisang, in a not-particularly-serious, one-sided, never-happened-and-now-it-never-will kind of way. The ideal would be Jin Guangyao thinking of Nie Huaisang as a tiring but cute little brother figure (he doesn't have those, all of his family relationships sans mom take a weird turn at some point! this one sure is about to!), while Nie Huaisang has a lil crush, and then it goes all the way to hell. ...And I know that I set “won’t happen” as a precondition, but I guess if there was a character who keeps the (fierce or not) corpse of the late Chief Cultivator close in an effort to feel alive post-canon, Nie Huaisang is the one I’d want for that role.

Jiang Cheng, because that family unit is so under-explored in canon, and because out of a handful of favorite characters these two are usually my number one, so watching them interact with each other can be fun just because of that. But in my heart of hearts I want Jiang Cheng to stay forever single by choice, and really I'm just here for platonic family shenanigans with Jin Ling. (I've written some of this, but out of everything it's probably the least likely to ever see the light of day.)

But really only Lan Xichen. When I was watching the early episodes and didn't remember the characters well and in my head these two were only “the disturbingly handsome older brother” and “a bit part soldier (lol) from some other sect” I really imprinted on that goodbye scene, like damn, look at these characters who are friendly with each other and showing obvious interest. It's only the circumstances that are getting in the way! If I were to ever read fic from this show, it would be these two. (This was all a counter-reaction to early wangxian haha.) But increasingly it goes to show that what I'm really into is people having mutual and mutually recognized affection for each other, the negotiated part in the relationship being less about whether it'll happen and more about how to go about it. More romances that start with getting together instead of ending there.

I am laughing at my past self here though, after actually finishing the show my thoughts on xiyao were that it was nice that it was both there and stable (until, you know) and unknowable, whatever the shape of their relationship in private they are aware of it and have made their peace with it, and that's all I need to know, and now I'm sitting here with several WIPs, wondering if this is what finally pushes me to start publishing fanfiction.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Lan Xichen. No, I’m not interested in a non-romantic* read on their relationship, yes, I just want him here, too.

Also, the only other relationships of note here are with Meng Shi, Jin Ling and Qin Su, and using ‘non-romantic OTP’ for any of those feels off to me. Meng Shi and Jin Ling are at too much of an uneven level, Qin Su doesn’t reach OTP levels even if the romantic filter is off. Su Minshan and Xue Yang might be a better fit, but again, OTP level is too high. Early-canon Nie Huaisang... maybe.

*non-sexual is fine. never officially getting together w/mutual acknowledgement is fine.

My unpopular opinion about this character I think I already went off, so. The hat is fine, and the hate sounds performative and weirdly ignorant at times. I don't love the Untamed version, but it’s fine and the ones in other adaptations are fantastic, even. The warm yellow-brown combination looks really nice. More of the characters should wear hats, actually! Which I realize is an opinion influenced by historical Japanese and Korean dramas, which are of a different genre altogether (also not Chinese, but hats in official settings are a constant in all of these cultures). Nevertheless.

I wish it was used only post-timeskip in the Untamed, too, though, for more variety in costuming and to further differentiate the pre- and post-timeskip versions of the character.

...................................and a specific xiyao pet peeve also: I am becoming increasingly wary of the... either super common or I just happen to keep finding these, take where he’s some sort of unwilling/particularly hesitant participant in this relationship. Like I went back to watch parts of episode 4 (to figure out why it was that I was so sure Meng Yao would be swinging a sword around in future episodes and my conclusion is: because everyone else was swinging theirs) and even the initial interactions in the goodbye scene are like-

Meng Yao literally runs up to a guy waaay out of his league like “Hello I am bringing myself Forth because I have the audacity to assume you might Personally Want to Know that I am leaving and here are some pretty personal reasons why (gosh you really are lovely)”

Reactions I’ve seen to this: look at the little dude running away from his emotions

Me: w h a t

And then the natural conclusion here is that Lan Xichen is there to love him (with his dick and/or sunny personality) until he’s forced to accept it [serene face emoji] and it makes me. Not enjoy it much.

Ofc this doesn’t include normal human hesitations one might have about... anything and everything in life, really, but when it’s treated like this automatic character/relationship hurdle I’m just hhhh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon I'm pretty satisfied with things as they stand? Just like the relationship between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian makes me feel cathartic agony, Jin Guangyao's fate makes me feel cathartic rage. Look at the low-born bastard child go down the stairs of life, one last time!

......Sometimes I have my weak moments and do wish he had gotten away in the end, though.

[itashiro-hitsuchiha]

Ship bias for Saber Artoria, Saber Mordred and Erza Scarlet

Send ‘Ship Bias’ and I will share up to 5 Ships I have a bias for for my muse!

@lemusegallery

Alright this may be a long post but I'll gladly do it. For you see simply listing the ships I have for them is too easy and boring. So instead I'll be giving reasons behind the ships and why I typically have a bias towards them. Also the ships I list may not all be romantic ships. I will list the type of ship I am referring to with each muse. Mostly because with these muses in particular I do not have that many romantic ships with them. Also putting a read more into this cuz of how long it may be and I don't want to clog up the whole dash.

Alright I'll just start with Mordred since she has the weirdest line up imo.

Mordred x Fran (BrOTP) - I just fucking love Mordred and Fran being in unison when it comes to kicking ass. That gif of them fist bumping just makes me excited every time. So naturally when writing Mordred if I can get my Fran up in the thread those two will act as pretty decent friends after awhile depending on the thread of course.

Mordred x Artoria (Notice me Senpai) - From all that I gather from playing FGO Mordred has a strange relationship with Artoria. Although if the two were in their normal minds and they are summoned together then things can get interesting as while Mordred may be somewhat hostile at first, they can actually talk and get some closure as after the events of Apocrypha Mordred has come to understand Artoria's position a little better so she won't be as bitter towards her. If anything it was fun in the first summer event to watch Mordred essentially try to get Artoria to notice her and get her praise only to get one-uped each time. They can have a nice wholesome, yet disfunctional dynamic at times and I'd like to see if I can explore that a bit more.

Mordred x Shirou Emiya (???)- I am not sure how to describe this ship. It wouldn't be romantic per say, but I do feel like these two could have an interesting relationship develop. Mordred can appreciate Shirou's determination and stubborness as it mirrors her own, but also with his relationship with Saber it could form a good bridge between them. Idk. I just like to see how this sort of ship could go.

I don't really have any more than that for Mordred as I don't see her as a romantic type. Being a homunculus she doesn't live a very long life regardless so her time is usually short unless summoned as a servant and then she could theoretically live as long as her master, like in Chaldea. Though some crossover potential does exist that I love, but I won't discuss that here. To add to that she has shown no real interest in romance that I can derive from what I've seen of her, so therefore my Mordred can be classified as mostly aromantic and possibly asexual. She knows of sex, but she doesn't have an interest in it as that sort of thing was not taken into account in her creation process and with how she was raised she REALLY had no room to consider it or even want it. It's not impossible to get her to do it, but it is very challenging and will require a LOT of effort.

Now for Artoria.

Artoria x Shirou (OTP)- needless to say I watched the first Stay Night as my introduction to the series. Even into UBW I thoroughly love this ship the most with her. The two just click on so many levels and their dynamic is amazing. Plus Shirou loves to cook and Saber loves to eat (as she kinda needs to eat a lot). Idk if there's anything else I can say about this ship that hasn't already been said, but yeah its my favorite one.

Artoria x Rin (BrOTP)- Seeing how Rin originally wanted a Saber class servant and how she was a friend of Shirou these two can be pretty fun together as well. Rin helps the two get out of their shells and explore the more fun side of life and what it has to offer. I think they're cute as a Bro sort of duo.

Artoria x Mordred- See ship above

Artoria x Lancelot (???)- I mostly like to see how things can go if they can have closure after the events of Zero and actually sit down and talk. (Saber needs to do that with a lot of people).

Much like Mordred Artoria never really had much time to consider romance, but interacting with Shirou definitely helps her grow out of her shell so she can at least consider it. When trying to ship romance with her, if you're not Shirou then you may have a tough time, but really you just need to earn her respect to spend more time with her and perhaps she'll grow on you and give you a chance. Much easier than how Mordred is.

Lastly Erza, Who is admittedly easier to ship with than the other two swordswomen.

Erza x Natsu (BrOTP, or possible OTP)- Erza and Natsu have this fun relationship dynamic. She almost acts like an older sister to him (as well as most of team Natsu) and she definitely has no problem telling him off when he really needs to get punched. Though I can also see them growing romantically (Fight me!) and I would like to see how that would actually go. (Plus the hentai of the two is top notch)

Erza x Jellal (Duh!)- I like the history that those two have together and seeing how they make each other flustered just by talking and feeling awkward its just great. While yes he has hurt her in the past (very badly I might add) Jellal doesn't try to pursue a romance with her because of that fact and he doesn't want to hurt her again, which I believe she is aware of it and fully understands and doesn't want to force him to try anyways. If he feels like he can safely pursue something with her she will be there waiting for him and happily accept him.

Erza x Mira (BrOTP)- Oh my god! these two are just great when they get the chance to sit and talk with each other. Their history allows Mira to talk to Erza about things that no one else could get out of the great Titania. Not to mention all the teasing Mira can do to her and get away with it unlike if Natsu or Gray tried it. Anytime these two get together for girl talk its just great.

Erza x Kaza (OTP)- I know its kind of cheating to list my muse with another of my muses, but hear me out. You see Kaza was someone I once had as a character several years ago, but then dropped for a long time and focused on Vorona for years of development that Kaza did not get. He was my first OC and I wanted to bring him back. Originally he was made for the Naruto universe, but when bringing him back I figured I'd change him up a bit. So I tinkered and decided to make him a Fairy Tail magic swordsman from Edolas who stayed in Earthland. So after making that I realized he may be best suited to be shipped with Erza or Kagura as they are the main swordswomen in the Fairy Tail universe. Her bluntness and occasional lewd minded thought process (really if you look at some of the things she says its pretty funny how thirsty this girl can be, also seduction armor....need I say more?) could pair well with Kaza's shyness towards the subject. I just think these two can be pretty funny and cute together as well.

While it may take me time to get used to it. Shipping with Erza can be pretty easy so long as you keep in mind that she does have a tendency to react violently if the wrong things are said. Easiest way to start shipping with her, be a member of Fairy Tail and/or be a swordsman of some sort. From there it's just a matter of how well the chemistry can be.

Alright. Hope this is sufficient with the meme and that you enjoyed reading this. :)

[makeste]

receive, and entrust (or, my rambling thoughts about That One Thing that happens at the end of Heroes Rising)

I wrote up all of my other thoughts on and reactions related to the movie here, but since this particular section was so long and involved, I decided to make it a separate post. so let’s talk about Bakugou and Deku and the big thing that happens between them in Heroes Rising.

please note this post has spoilers spoilers spoilers and more spoilers, for both the movie and for the manga (apologies to anyone who’s anime-only but there are aspects of OFA which are very difficult to discuss without getting into significant spoiler territory, so in the end I wasn’t able to make this post spoiler-free).

this is it. this is the dynamic I’ve been patiently waiting for since the very start of the series. they really fucking did it. one thing that I was bemused by is that I was making the rounds on twitter and tumblr and reddit checking out people’s reactions afterward, and I saw a lot of “there was real respect between them” and “I like Bakugou a lot more in this dynamic” and “now I understand why some people ship it” and so on and so forth. and just... how do I put this. first of all, yes, exactly, this. but second, I think that what some people missed is that this is the dynamic that people who ship BakuDeku (either platonically or romantically) have really been shipping this entire time. that even when this dynamic wasn’t present, it was the potential for it, the hints of what could be, that made people invested in this relationship. anyway, so to see that finally out in the open though for everyone to see was just so, so gratifying. it was like, yes! this is it! this is what the two of them were always working towards, what they were always meant to be. and it’s all the more rewarding for how hard they struggled to get there. anyway. suffice to say it has been a good weekend.

let’s talk about the big thing. the OFA transfer. the trust and respect and intimacy involved in this moment. Deku knows he has no choice, but he’s also relieved in a way that if it can’t be him, if it has to be someone else, that that someone is Kacchan. he tells Kacchan that he doesn’t regret it, and he says that All Might would approve of it as well, because Kacchan already knows about OFA. but what goes unspoken is the much deeper meaning of this. like yes, it’s convenient that the person Deku ends up passing the quirk onto is the one other person who’s already in on the secret. but it’s not a coincidence that Kacchan does know the secret. Kacchan knows because Deku told him. because they have always been together, because their fates have always been tied together, because Deku could never have not told him.

and sharing OFA is so much more than just sharing a power. it’s sharing a responsibility; a lineage. both a great burden and a rare privilege. this is not something to be passed on lightly, and it isn’t. Deku isn’t making the decision lightly here. because -- and this is the important part! and the part that is the culmination of all of their character development up to this point! the part that took 200+ chapters to build up to! -- this isn’t actually a decision that’s made in this moment at all, but a decision that was made by him ages and ages ago, when he first told Kacchan I got my quirk from someone else. when he opened up to him even though they weren’t friends. when the truth flowed from him even though he was trying to hold it back. because it was Kacchan. and because that bond runs so deep that this secret, this burden, could not be held back. and because Kacchan, even though it took him a while, eventually put the pieces of it together afterwards, because it was Deku. and because he knows Deku. and because, when All Might explained the rest of it later on, Kacchan told the two of them both, without being prompted, without being asked, I won’t tell anyone. because he immediately understood the gravity of it, the importance of it. because Deku was right to choose him.

so the fact is that the decision to pass it on to Katsuki isn’t one that’s just made here in the heat of the moment, with no other options on the table. the decision to choose Kacchan as the one he trusts, as the one to share the burden with, as the one he knows that he can rely on in this moment, is something that stems back to their childhood. does that make sense? basically I’m trying to explain that the circumstances which led to this moment are circumstances which arose because of Deku’s own will, as well as Kacchan’s. that the two of them have made countless decisions which eventually led up to this moment. and so this is not a coincidence. and so that’s why it’s a choice that can be made effortlessly by Deku here, as soon as he thinks of it, with no hesitation or reluctance felt other than the sorrow of losing his dream. the fact that it is Kacchan is a relief. the fact that it’s Kacchan is why Deku knows it will work as soon as he realizes it. so yeah. make no mistake, you guys. Kacchan is his successor, and not once does Deku have even the slightest flash of regret about that. and meanwhile I have about a hundred thousand overflowing thoughts and feelings about it, but I suppose that’s to be expected lol.

so now let’s talk about Katsuki’s side of it. the moment when he realizes what Deku is doing is so intense, you guys. like a dozen different emotions flit across his face in the span of a few seconds. but you can see that chief among them are shock, and then frustration, and then this brief look of intense regret, and then finally, a sort of begrudging determination. and then he takes it.

so a couple things here. first it’s worth noting that at first Katsuki actually has no idea what Deku’s plan is other than that he’s giving him OFA lol. he doesn’t even ask him why until after the transfer, at which point Deku explains that he should still be able to use the embers to fight alongside him, so that they can team up and hit Nine with the ol’ OFA two-for-one special. but before this, for all Katsuki knows, Deku could be giving it to him for any number of reasons. he could be too hurt to fight anymore. or he might even think he’s at risk of dying, and thus is passing it to Katsuki so that it can live on. now there’s a scary thought, though one that I honestly doubt Katsuki would have considered for all that long, if he even did at all (because Katsuki has always seen Deku as someone strong, and we all know that in Katsuki’s mind, strong people = people that don’t lose; but that’s another essay topic for another day). but it certainly was a possibility, that can’t be denied.

but regardless of whatever was running through his mind at that moment, Katsuki takes it. but now here’s the other thing I really want to talk about: he hates it.

he hates it. the entire time, he hates it. he doesn’t want this. he doesn’t want One for All. One for All is Deku’s. and it’s not just that he feels that he himself is unworthy of it (although I think he might, just a little); but more than that, it’s that OFA is not just Deku’s quirk, it’s Deku’s dream. and he happens to know, better than anyone else in the world, just how much OFA means to Deku. what being a hero means to Deku. because this dream, after all, is the one thing that they’ve always had in common. the one thing that they’ve always shared.

and so even though he doesn’t hesitate either once he realizes what has to happen, because he knows they have no other choice, he still grieves all the same, for just a moment. because it’s the end of something that was maybe more important to him than he ever realized until exactly this moment. this partnership he has with Deku, this trust -- because they do trust each other and work with each other so seamlessly time after time again in this movie, and it’s amazing -- he is losing all of that if they go through with this. and also!! maybe, in addition to what he’s losing, maybe just maybe he is also grieving for Deku’s own loss, because he cares. about. Deku.

but he takes it. and he proceeds to kick some ass. and you guys. Bakugou with OFA is a fucking force to be reckoned with. he is a beast. but I’m not gonna go too much into that because there’s not really much to analyze or add to the discussion at this point, other than yes, Bakugou is a legit fucking conqueror and he was put on this earth to kick ass and take names and he knows it and it’s so fucking great holy fucking shit.

but so afterward. after they’ve OBVIOUSLY defeated Nine (BITCH YOU THOUGHT!! GO TELL HELL THE WONDER DUO SENT YOU, AND GOOD RIDDANCE), and they’re both lying there, unconscious. and All Might shows up (which lol how did he even get there; that’s another plot hole that I couldn’t really figure out. Hawks is one thing because the dude can fucking fly, but All Might is just sort of there on the island all of a sudden before almost anyone else, and I guess that’s just the Symbol of Fucking Peace for ya), and he makes a little pillow for Bakugou with his coat, which is something I didn’t see mentioned anywhere and so I wanted to point it out, because he doesn’t just ignore Bakugou and go straight to Deku; he takes care of them both. he’s a good dad.

but anyway. so he’s there and Deku wakes up and starts crying and apologizing and explaining that he gave OFA to Kacchan so they could save everyone etc. etc. etc., and then he passes out and All Might cradles his head and it’s. ;__; why movie do this to me. fff.

BUT ANYWAY I KEEP DIVERGING FROM THE POINT I WANT TO GET TO LOL. which is that at this point, OFA suddenly starts flowing back into Deku. and All Might is the only one that sees this, and he has no fucking idea why this is happening, and then he just decides, or guesses, or whatever, that it must be the Vestiges willing the power to go back to Deku. and he even calls it a OFA miracle in the same vein that people say “Christmas miracle”, which lmao yeah. it’s a OFA miraclleeeee happy holidays.

and I guess this is certainly possible. the Vestiges clearly do have their own wills; that’s canon. and Deku most definitely has some kind of Chosen One thing going on, because he’s the one who finally manages to activate SIXQUIRKS after nine generations, and I don’t think that’s just a coincidence. they clearly like Deku. which, of course they do, because who wouldn’t. Deku is great. and if I were one of the Vestiges and it were up to me, I sure would want to give him a second chance as well!

but here’s the thing which surprises me: no one ever seems to take into consideration what to me is the obvious alternative explanation for this whole thing. which is that this isn’t, in fact, any sort of miraculous occurrence at all, but is in fact OFA just following its normal old rules same as always. because as far as I can tell -- and I could very well be wrong about this, but I’ve looked all over to find a canon source that contradicts it and so far haven’t -- there is nothing in canon that states that OFA can’t be transferred back to someone after it’s been given away. and I don’t see why that would be a thing, either. like, why wouldn’t you be able to give it back and forth? as long as the person who currently has it wills it to go back to the other one, then why not? it’s not like the thing expires or something. it’s just that up until this point, all of the previous successors were either too dead (rip), or too injured to take the quirk back on, which is why they fucking passed it on to begin with.

all of which is my long-winded way of leading up to my point: Bakugou did not want OFA. and Bakugou’s DNA had already been shared with Deku, when they did the blood transfer that Deku used to give OFA to him. that went both ways. so as far as I can tell, all of the prerequisites are there for OFA to simply be handed back to its previous owner once the fight was done. Occam’s razor, right? why look for a convoluted explanation when another one is already there which makes sense? why did OFA go back to Deku? because One for All’s new wielder, a.k.a. the one currently in possession of the ability to pass it on, decided to do just that. and gave it back, to the person he thought was most deserving of it. the person who still had unfinished business with it. when are you going to make that power your own?

why not. to me it makes sense. there are a couple of inconsistencies here if this truly is the case, granted. chief among them being the fact that Bakugou should then logically be included among the Vestiges (and possibly Deku himself for that matter). but (1) that’s still a plot hole either way tbh, and (2) I don’t think handwaving this away is any more of an asspull than the whole “OFA just goes back to Deku because it feels like it” original explanation is, lol. like, either way there are clearly some established rules being broken here. maybe Bakugou didn’t have OFA for long enough for his will to be fully integrated with the other vestiges; or maybe his ghost doesn’t appear because he’s still alive (similar to how All Might’s outline is still pretty faint compared to most of the other vestiges); or maybe this has something to do with that Bakusilhouette which still hasn’t been explained; or whatever. but there are ways to explain it, is my point. and hence, to me, this is the most satisfying explanation for what happens at the end of the film, and the most consistent with the character development we’ve seen. because even if this didn’t end up taking place, Bakugou was always going to give OFA back to Deku in the end anyway. that much, I think, is a given.

anyway. so those are all my thoughts on the whole OFA transfer. oh, except for the whole amnesia thing I guess. and honestly, I’ll just come out and admit that while I obviously would have been thrilled if Bakugou had remembered all of this afterward, I get why they did what they did. because it’s a lot, and while I’m pretty sure this movie is considered canon as far as the manga goes, at the same time it would be pretty unprecedented for Horikoshi to just suddenly start referencing a development as big as this in the manga out of nowhere, and just assuming that all of his readers had the opportunity to watch the movie. the manga has to be self-contained and be its own story which can be understood and enjoyed even if you only read the manga. so for that reason I think a reset button was pretty inevitable, and so I’m okay with it. and on a lighter note, it’s something that can easily be explained away by a concussion (since concussions often do cause precisely that kind of specific forgetting-events-right-before-and-after-the-injury amnesia which Bakugou experiences), and in my mind that would only be fitting. since, again, these kids got fucking bodyslammed into SO MANY FUCKING CLIFFS, YOU GUYS, I KEEP SAYING IT AND I’M GONNA KEEP SAYING IT. it needs to be acknowledged! so. many. cliffs.

so that’s it! tl;dr (1) Deku trusts Bakugou and the transfer of OFA is a momentous display of that trust, (2) Bakugou respects Deku in turn and clearly hated the thought of “stealing” his quirk from him even though that wasn’t what actually happened, and so (3) my headcanon or whatever you want to call it is that Bakugou is the one that transferred OFA back to Deku in the end after all was said and done. and maybe there’s some reason why I haven’t seen this possibility being discussed much elsewhere, like maybe I’m missing some obvious reason why this has clearly been disproven already; but regardless, I see this as being in line with their character development, and something Bakugou absolutely would have done regardless, and I have TEN TRILLION FEELINGS ABOUT IT AND THEY ARE ALL “[wistful crying emoji]” the end. 

[pinballwitxh]

my best friend - spencer reid x oc

summary: a member of the BAU team has become pregnant, and thank god for them. the group comes together to help her prepare for the pregnancy as she decides to remain single. as if spencer’s feelings towards her weren’t already growing, he can’t stop them now. a romance unfolds.

warnings: mild cursing, major SPENCER fluff towards the end :’)

a/n: something absurdly fluffy I need to get out of my system

The team let out a small collective gasp, but they wore smiles. Spencer’s smile was small, but genuine nonetheless. Garcia enveloped her in a large hug and squeezed her tightly, followed up by gentler hugs from Prentiss and JJ.

Rossi smiled, “An exciting stage in life, not that I would know.”

“Congratulations,” Hotch said as he stepped forward to wrap his arm around her and squeeze her shoulders.

Derek clapped his hands together, “That’s great, Lil’ Mama!”

JJ took the hand of her best friend and squeezed, “You’ll be great, how’s he responded to the news?”

Spencer cocked his head at her response, “Well, both of us have agreed we don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship but it was my decision to go ahead with it. He will have visitation rights whenever he wants to, but I will have complete custody no matter what.”

“That sounds like a plan that could work well, and from what you’ve told me he seems like an agreeable guy,” Prentiss said as the rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

“How long have you two known each other, if you don’t mind me asking?” Rossi asked.

“It’s a funny story, really. We grew up together, became best friends in high school and kept in touch throughout the beginning college,” she paused to think, “We lost contact for a long time, both of us went completely separate directions regarding school.”

Spencer switched the weight on his legs awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was trying so hard to listen intently, but for whatever reason he was still processing the situation.

She was his best friend.

“About five months ago we ran into each other at the gym and turns out he’s been living in the area for two years now and we just reconnected. Kind of picked up where we left off, you know? Guess the whole dating thing was just never in the cards.”

On that note Spencer finally looked up and thought to himself how pretty she looked. It was certainly true that pregnant women seemed to have that aura, that physical glow. She was radiant, and clearly she was happy.

It made him smile.

“You’re gonna be a great mother,” Spencer said amidst the happy silence.

Everyone turned to look at him, but he could only see the small smile on her face. Tears brimmed in her eyes and she nodded, “Thanks, Spence.”

- - -

It was late into the fifth month that everyone began to notice the small bump growing. Spencer himself had created a pregnancy calendar for her and was constantly keeping her up-to-date on the milestone changes her child was reaching.

With each update she would laugh at the objects he would compare to the size of her baby. The advice and statistics he gave were endless. They weren’t the motherly words of wisdom JJ gave her once in awhile, but she knew the intentions behind them were good and honestly it was helping her to prepare. He was making the thought of motherhood more bearable.

Spencer was one of her closest and best friends and over time they had formed a tight bond. In the beginning she looked up to him as a brother and a mentor. He was only a few years older than her and it was him who helped her to settle into the BAU when she was accepted. They were the youngest and ‘freshest’ eyes the team had, naturally bringing them together in most cases.

There had been many late nights spent together pouring over evidence and profiles, bouncing ideas off of each other and coming to conclusions faster than the team ever had before.

They were an unbreakable dynamic duo at the BAU.

She grinned at the unmistakable excitement in his eyes as he greeted her with a cup of decaf coffee and began to spew new facts to her. He was telling her that the baby was probably the size of a bell pepper when he silenced himself abruptly.

“What’s wrong? Do I need to flip the tape over to the B side?” She chuckled.

“I can see it,” he said quietly.

“See what, Spencer?” She asked with a quirked brow.

He stared at her stomach intensely, “You’re finally showing!”

She peered down at her stomach and smiled, “I didn’t even notice, oh my God. . .”

She ran a hand over the bump and laughed to herself, producing a laugh in awe from her friend at his desk next to her.

“Hard to notice when it’s your own body, I guess,” she said.

Spencer leaned back in his chair, “I can’t believe there’s someone growing in there,”

This made her smile and she nodded in agreement with him. Up until this point it was always just a known thought and silent agreement that a baby was forming in her, but now it was becoming real.

Way too real.

She sat down abruptly and sighed, running a hand over her face. Spencer frowned at her sudden change in attitude, obviously stressing.

“You okay?”

“It’s kind of scary,” she said quietly, “I know I want to have this baby but, what if I can’t do it?”

Spencer leaned towards and reached for her hand over the desk, “You are going to be such a good mother, don’t doubt yourself. If anything this job has helped you prepare for motherhood, I’ve seen how good and attentive you are when working with the kids we see on cases.”

She looked at him in awe, surprised at his words.

“You’re so good with Henry and with Jack, you know they love you. Sometimes Henry asks when you’re coming back to babysit him instead of me,” he chuckled.

“I’m grateful I have you and the team to help me through this,” she said, “This would be ten times more difficult without you all.”

Spencer smiled, “We’re excited for you and want to be part of this, too.”

She squeezed his hand and his heart sped up, the heat flushed his face and the tips of his ears. There was probably a blush spread all over his face and he couldn’t hide it, he only hoped she didn’t notice.

“I appreciate you a lot Spencer, I want you to know that.”

The door to the office opened and they broke away, smiling as JJ approached them with a small package in her hands.

“I’ve brought you some supplies and self-care stuff! Figured you’d need a spa day,” she set the bag of gifts on her desk before gasping, “You’re showing!”

The girl laughed, “Guess a lot can happen when you have a rare weekend break from the team! I went home to see the family for the weekend,”

“Well that means we can go on a shopping trip soon, too,” JJ winked.

“Not too soon, just got a case in from-HOLY SHMOLY THERE IS A BUMP!”

Everyone jumped at Garcia’s outburst. The excited techy ran to the group and knelt beside the pregnant agent, studying her stomach intensely. The group laughed at Garcia’s bewilderment, “Crazy, right?”

Garcia nodded, “There is a tiny human in there. . .”

“Feels like I’m growing an alien.”

- - -

The case wrapped up and before they left the office, Spencer approached his best friend with hands in his pockets.

“W-would you like some help putting together a nursery?”

She paused from putting her papers together, “I didn’t even think of that yet. . .”

“I h-have some ideas! But of course it’s all up to you and I don’t want to impose on your wants for the baby but-“

“Spence, I’d love to hear your ideas,” she smiled, “You’re my best friend, I trust you.”

He smiled in surprise at her, “Well, I’m glad you do.”

The next few weeks went by rather fast and her bump seemed to grow each day. Every morning she stood in the mirror, examining every angle of her bump and running her hands over it.

Some mornings were harder than others. The nagging feeling of loneliness tugged at the back of her mind. Sometimes the tears would flow freely with no trigger, confusing the hell out of her.

Pregnancy hormones were dumb.

Spencer came over a few nights during the week with ideas and plans for the nursery that he put together himself. This surprised her at first, she had no clue how invested Spencer had become. There were sketches of nurseries and small notes and details he added, his attention to them was unpeckable and it amazed her.

- - -

Eight months came too slow, or so it felt. Her stomach was quite literally weighing her down and they were nearly finished with the nursery. Spencer came over almost every night to help her complete it. Sometimes he brought Garcia or Derek, since he was able to lift heavier things, and Garcia offered endless ideas and was always bringing gifts.

The child was spoiled by her extended family already.

One night after a particularly emotional night after a case, she sat down on her couch and let the tears flow. Her emotions had been haywire recently but they made her feel so inadequate.

Sometimes she couldn’t help but wonder if keeping the baby was a mistake.

She was alone with no companion.

The father of her baby and friend visited her once in awhile. He even attended Lamaze classes with her, however he had to cancel on the upcoming (and final) class due to a family emergency. Of course, she understood and insisted she was fine.

However, she was not as fine as she painted herself to be.

Spencer, being the profiler he was, knew something was amiss but couldn’t bring himself to ask why. Which was why the night they got home from the case he decided to pay a visit to her apartment.

The doorbell rang and caused her to jump. Quickly she wiped the tears from her eyes and splashed some cold water on her face. She waddled to the door (after long cases she felt so physically tired that it seemed waddling was the best option) and opened it slowly.

“Spencer, I thought you were coming over tomorrow? You should be resting, the case took a lot out of all of us.”

“Couldn’t settle down, I was worried about you.”

She went silent in shock but opened the door and invited him in anyway. They took opposite seats on the couch.

“Can’t hide anything from you,”

“We are best friends, you know?”

“We are also profilers, of course you could tell something was off.”

Spencer smiles, “I try not to profile my friends, I don’t have to be one to know that you’re feeling run down. It shows,”

She scoffed, “Run down is an understatement,”

The two remained silent for a few more moments before the quiet sound of sniffles interrupted it. Spencer sat up and observed as she cried into her hand, hiding her face from his.

“You can talk to me,” he said quietly, leaning forward to take her hand.

She nodded, “I know, but it’s really hard to admit something is wrong.”

“I know,” he said, “But I want you to tell me everything you’re feeling.”

And so she poured her heart out to him, every emotion she had gone through the last few weeks. Spencer sat quietly and listened intently, squeezing her hand every once in awhile.

“I’m so lonely sometimes and I wonder if this was a good idea,”

“Wonder if what was a good idea?”

She sighed, “Keeping the baby, not putting it up for adoption, sleeping with an old school friend. . .”

Spencer looked away briefly at the mention of the father, not that he had anything against him. He always felt a pang in his heart at the mention of him, though.

“I just don’t know if any of this was the smartest decision for me,” she paused, “I don’t know if I’ll be the best mom I can be for this baby,”

“Don’t say that, you’re going to do just fine and you have an entire team supporting you through this,” he said, “This baby is lucky to have you for a mother.”

She smiled sadly at him, “I’m not so sure about that-“

“You will be the perfect mother to this baby. Neither of you will ever be ever alone and I want to give this baby the best life-“ he paused, “I mean, I want to help give our baby-“

He stopped again with wide eyes and a blush. She squeezed his hand gently and nodded, “I know what you mean, Spencer. I want you to be apart of both our lives for a long time.”

He couldn’t look her in the eyes.

“I know you’re already Henry’s godfather and I’ve been waiting to ask you because I didn’t know when the time would be right but-“

“Yes,”

His sudden answer made her heart leap, speeding up ten times faster now. He stared at her intently, nodding his head.

“One-hundred percent, yes.”

She threw her arms around him and pulled him close, both of their hearts were pounding and it was silent as they hugged each other.

“Ouch!”

She pulled away and glanced down at her stomach, running her hands over it softly. Spencer frowned, “What’s wrong? A-are you okay? Is the baby-?”

“It’s been kicking once in awhile, normally when I listen to music on my speakers but,” she paused, “No one else has ever been here to feel it too,”

There was another kick and her stomach did flips, nearly knocking her to the side at how forceful it was. She let out another gasp as the movement continued.

Immediately she reached for her friend’s hand and placed it on her firm belly, “Do you feel that?”

Spencer’s mind and heart were both racing now from the excitement. He waited patiently for any movement.

A small kick to her stomach made both of them jump in surprise. Spencer glanced up at her and grinned wildly, “That, that was. . .”

“I know. . .”

His thumb rubbed small circles on her stomach, waiting for more movement. That feeling was something he couldn’t describe and he was so happy to be there in that moment.

The baby kicked again and elicited a chuckle from Spencer whose eyes were wide in excitement. She stared at him while he waited for more kicks, taking in how happy he looked.

An image flashed across her mind so fast she wasn’t even sure she saw it. It surprised her and scared her, somewhat.

Spencer would make a great father.

Spencer’s hands were warm on her skin and made her aching stomach feel better. She had a feeling the baby was enjoying the warmth and company of a new presence as well, and she was glad it was Spencer.

She wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone else.

- - -

The hospital room was quiet as she lay asleep on the bed. The sweat had dried on her face and she could finally rest after a long night of labor. Her friend insisted he was there for the birth, so far co-parenting with him was going well and she was thankful for his willingness.

He slept on the couch peacefully next to her bed, both parents tired in so many different ways.

The team approached the room quietly, peering into it from the door outside. JJ made her way in first before the rest of team sidled in. She pulled up a chair next to their friend and ran a hand over her forehead, placing the loose strands of hair behind her ears.

“Hey, mama, you awake?”

A few seconds later her eyes fluttered opened and she yawned sleepily. A smile formed on her chapped lips and she nodded, “I am now,”

“Congratulations, mama!” Garcia squealed before silencing herself quickly, “Sorry, I couldn’t contain it anymore!” She whispered excitedly.

The man on the couch stirred and sat up, confused at the number of people in the room. He had met them once before, so he knew it was the team. He excused himself quietly to use the restroom and give them space with their friend.

Everyone gathered around her after he left and pelted her with questions about the labor and the baby. She was happy to answer every single one of them.

Spencer stood at the foot of her bed and noticed how blissfully happy she seemed. There was no anxiety in her voice, no fear in her demeanor. She was glowing, almost literally, and he was happy for her.

She caught his stare and smiled at him while the others engaged in conversation. He made his way to her side and took her hand, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead, “Congratulations,”

She smiled up at him, “I’m so glad you’re here, Spence.”

“Me too,”

“Baby coming through!” A nurse in the doorway sang quietly, “He’s been asleep for awhile now but I think he’s ready to be with mama now that she’s awake,”

Everyone parted for the nurse that pushed the small hospital bed over. The agent adjusted her bed so that she was sitting up now and slowly she peered over at her son.

The team watched silently as she picked him up and cradled him close. The nurse left and they were alone again, soon cooing over the newest addition to their family.

Garcia poured slightly, “When are we going to get some girls?”

Everyone laughed, “Maybe it’s a good thing, you won’t have anyone encouraging you to shop more than you need to,” Prentiss said.

The team spread out over the room, taking seats and exchanging happy words with each other. JJ offered her seat to Spencer, then. He cautiously sat down next to the bed and watched his friend.

“Do you want to be the first one to hold him?”

Everyone watched as he nodded wordlessly. She handed her son to Spencer and laughed at his over-cautious movements. He used both arms to wrap the baby to him securely, holding him close to his chest.

“Look at that, godfather and godson,” Garcia said wistfully.

Spencer couldn’t even talk, his mouth hung agape as he stared down at the baby.

“He doesn’t bite!” His friend joked, “Hold his little hand, it’s so cute.”

Spencer smiled and reached for the absolutely tiny hand that was resting. He panicked as the baby moved in reaction to his touch, “Please don’t scream I know I’m not your mom-“

The baby opened his eyes slowly, focusing on Spencer. The agent’s eyes lit up as he stared back at him, studying the child. JJ smiled from across the room at the sweet scene before her.

“He’s s-so,” Spencer paused, “He’s beautiful,”

His friend felt tears welling in her eyes. Her baby stared up at Spencer so calmly, he was comfortable in his arms already.

“Alright, my turn!” Rossi exclaimed as he stood and made his way to Spencer.

Soon the boy was being passed around from team member to member. She reached out for Spencer’s hand and grasped it tightly, pulling him toward her.

He leaned close and smiled at her, “I’m really happy for you,”

“I’m really glad you can be here,” she said as she squeezed his hand. Spencer could feel his heart speeding up, a feeling he had grown accustomed to over the past year when he was around her. This time, the pounding in his chest was overwhelming and he wanted to be closer to her, as if that would make it stop.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently and smiled at her. She was absolutely radiant right now and he was more in love with her now than he had ever been before. Her brows furrowed, “What’s wrong?”

Spencer shook his head, “Absolurely nothing, I just can’t get over how, um,”

He tripped over his words, a tell that he was nervous, so she grasped his hand in both of his now, “Take a breath and try again,” she teased him.

He smiled, “You’re so beautiful,” he said quietly, “You always have been, but seeing you be a mom is incredible, I guess,”

“Oh, Spence-“

“I can get over how perfect you are, and all of this is,” he motioned to the team that was currently gushing over her son in Hotch’s arms, “Seeing you happy makes me happy.”

Her heart leapt and she couldn’t contain the blush. She had no clue why she was blushing.

But she couldn’t deny that had started to become a normal occurrence with Spencer in the last year.

“I love you, Spencer.”

He blinked once and his hand went limp in hers. He thought over the words multiple times in his head before he could even respond. Had he heard her right?

“You’re my best friend, I love you too-“

“No, Spence,” she paused and leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, “I love you,”

Slowly his arms coiled around her back and he buried his face into the crook of her neck. He relished in her warmth and the smell of hard labor on her skin, something he would never forget after this.

“Please don’t leave us,” she whispered, “I can’t do this without you,”

He pulled away, “I will never leave the two of you, I promise,” he set his hands on her shoulders, “I’m in love with both of you too much,” he said quietly.

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes, “Good,”

His hands found their way to the sides of her face. He smiled at her and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, even when she cried she was stunning. He leaned in and sealed the space between them.

His lips were strong against hers and yet gentle as ever. She kissed him back slowly, her hand gripping his wrist. Even as she laid in the hospital bed, feeling disgusting and in need of a shower, it was the most perfect moment.

A cry forced them to pull away, yet their hands stayed intertwined. Morgan held the baby away from him awkwardly, unsure of what to do now that it the crying was picking up.

“I think he needs his mom,” Derek said as he gratefully handed her son back.

The rest of the team left to give her privacy for feeding, but her hand locked onto Spencer’s and with a pleading look in her eyes, asked him to stay.

THE MASTERLIST (MORE SPENCER FICS)

[sodalitefully]

8 for Sluff please, love your account

8 - “Please, stop smiling at me like that. I’m not sure what will happen if you keep doing that.”

Thank you! Another anon also asked for 8/sluff so this is for both of you, thanks for being patient! I started this a month ago and then got totally stuck on how to finish it 😓

Duff and Slash both overshare when they’re wasted… 

~~~~

You want to know how Slash and I got to be such good friends? Well, the first thing I gotta tell you is that he’s one of the nicest, coolest people I know, and he doesn’t deserve his shitty reputation, got it?  The second thing, is that I was blown away when I first heard him play guitar and I wasn’t about to let a musical genius like that walk out of my life. 

But the truth is (just between you and me, right?), there’s a third, final, and very important reason.  You see… after Slash, Steven, the girls, and I met, we hung out, jammed a little, then of course proceeded to get absolutely obliterated.  And that’s when it happened: Drunk-Duff met Drunk-Slash and the world would never be the same. 

We’re the drunken dream-team.  Smashed, sauced, and sloshed soulmates.  The Dynamic Duo of gettin’ gazebo-ed. 

You get what I’m trying to say. 

It works out real well because our tolerance is about the same, and we both tend to be happy, affectionate drunks.  We’re partners in crime for all kinds of insane intoxicated shenanigans, but we’ll also look after each other, you know? Or try to at least, hah.  

Last night though? Things were a little different.  Slash got a head start on me, so instead of Drunk-Slash-and-Duff, it was Drunk-Slash and Just-Barely-Tipsy-Duff.  Which was no problem, it was great! Er, it was totally fine! I mean –

… 

Okay… there’s something I didn’t tell you about me and Slash.  It’s true that Drunk-Slash-and-Duff are the ultimate drinking buddy power couple. But sober? That’s another story.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re still best friends! Contrary to popular belief, we do hang out and do stuff besides drinking and drugs.  But there’s one key difference that even Slash never knew about, and that is that Sober-Duff has, well, a huge fuckin’ crush on Slash.

Hey, don’t fucking judge me, dude! …He’s just a really awesome guy, okay? And good looking.  I dig the hair.

Ahem.

Anyway, it could be a real problem when we were both sober, because I really had be on my toes to make sure he didn’t catch me staring or anything, you know?  It’s like, I couldn’t relax because then I might start to slip up and that could mess up everything: our friendship, the band… man, I don’t even want to think about it.  

But when Slash was drunk, I had nothing to worry about!  He never noticed when I zoned out staring at his ass – thank god, because it’s happened a lot.  And Drunk-Slash-and-Duff might be all about the platonic cuddling, but on these special occasions I get to appreciate Slash at his clingiest in a more romantic-kinda-way.  I also get to appreciate how giggly he gets: I’m a sap, I know, but just seeing him smile makes me feel like I just did a whole line of shots so whenever this happens I always pull out all the stops trying to keep him in good humor.

So there I was, telling Slash every lame joke I could think of, pulling stupid faces, generally acting like a total goofball and trying to make him laugh.  And it was working!  Slash was a giggly mess, and I figured it was time to give us both a break.  I watched him compose himself from the corner of my eye as I chugged the rest of my beer.  Even in the dim light of the bar, I managed to get lost in his dark eyes as he looked at me with an exasperated smirk.

“Duff! Stop smiling at me like that!” He whined, and oops, I guess I let my gaze linger a little too long.

“What? Whyyy?” I pitched my voice up to match his tone.

“Because…” He dropped into a drunkenly serious whisper. “…I’m not sure what’ll happen if you keep doing that.” 

Wait.  What?

Was he saying what I thought he was saying?  It’s not just me, right?  It definitely sounded like he was… implying something.

But before I could ask him what he meant, another round of drinks appeared on the table and Slash was back to his cheery, thirsty self in the blink of an eye.  I gotta admit, I was just as distracted by the booze – I was trying to catch up, after all – so I forgot about what he said until about twenty minutes later. 

I was back on my bullshit and better than ever – I managed to get Slash to laugh just as he was about to take a swig of his beer, he snorted into the glass and suds flew everywhere!  Both of us were still laughing our heads off as he whacked me in the arm and tried to find a napkin to clean himself up.  Once he got the foam off his face I was determined to make him do it again: every time he tried to take a sip I’d repeat the same stupid punchline and he’d have to quickly duck away from his glass to avoid getting beer up his nose.

After my fourth or fifth attempt, Slash suddenly bounced up from his seated position to kneel on the seat of the booth so I was forced to look up at his face as he poked a scolding finger into my chest. 

“I thought I told you to knock it off!”

I just laughed, it was hard to take him seriously when he was pouting like that.  “I dunno what you’re talking about!” 

“Nuh-uh, don’t play dumb because I know I told you to quit it!  I’m jus’tryna get drunk here and you won’t stop distracting me!”

“Well then make me,” I teased.

For a split second, I thought that Slash lost his balance and was falling into me, so I put my hands up to catch him.  But then, I felt his mouth on my lips.

I was stunned into helplessness as his tongue thrust between my teeth and overwhelmed my mouth.  I’d wanted this for so long that I couldn’t understand it; the kiss was deep and fast and it was over before I could bring myself to lean into him and suck the taste of whiskey and cheap beer off his lips.

As I tried to catch my breath, I realized that my hands were still planted on Slash’s chest, I was practically groping him.  I tried to slide my arms out of the way but at that moment, Slash decided to swing one knee over my legs so that he was straddling my thighs.  He sat in my lap and scooted all the way up until his ass was right over my crotch, then put his arms on my shoulders for balance, trapping me in place with my hards grabbing his tits and my thighs glued together so he might not notice my dick starting to poke him in the ass.

I stared up at him with my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open, wondering if I was dreaming… And if I wasn’t, would he remember this the next day?  Would he still want to kiss me when the liquor wore off, or would he laugh it off like the rest of the bullshit he does when he’s wasted?

Slash seemed oblivious to the questions racing through my head.  He just stared down at me with a little smile, and then leaned down again to plant another deliberate, chaste kiss.  

“Yeah, now you’re quiet.  Where’s that grin, huh? Did you think trying to get a rise out of me wouldn’t have any consequences?” His tone was smug but his expression was still affectionate. 

“Slash, what –“ 

“Such a tease, acting all cute like that when you know what it does to me.  Fuck, even when you’re being a pain you’re still so sweet it’s unfair.” 

“What – What it does??” 

“Were you trying to get me to confess? ‘Cause I was trying to keep it to myself, all right?  I didn’t want to screw everything up but, y’know, it’s hard when you’re always smiling at me like that.” He bit his lip, hesitating.  “And I’m already in your lap, so I guess I might as well…” He leaned down until his lips were brushing my ear, and whispered, “This is fun… but I’d rather be back at the hotel, just the two of us.” 

Forget dreaming, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

“Then let’s go,” I breathed, and Slash looked at me like he was genuinely surprised.

“Really? You want that? With me?”

“I’ve wanted that practically since we met, are you kidding?”  I finally worked up the balls to stretch up and kiss him.  He eagerly returned the kiss and then he slid out of the booth, tugging me after him as we hurried out of the bar. 

And the rest, as they say, is history!  I have to keep some secrets, don’t I?

Huh, I guess I was lying before when I said the third reason was the final reason.  Actually, telling that story reminded me of a few more reasons if you know what I mean, hah!

Hey, you’ll keep all this between us, right? Yeah? Good, because I gotta go – Slash looks like he’s about to pass out on the pool table, I think it’s time to take him home… 

~~~~

[hopesilverheart]

Title: I loved your colours (before I loved you) Artist: @calliartss​ Rating: Explicit (Chapter 10 only) Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Clary Fray, Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood Word Count: ~95k Summary: Magnus Bane is a journalist who's always dreamed of modelling for Lightwood Fashions. When the CEO Alec Lightwood starts looking for new models for their spring collection, he jumps on the occasion.

In the meantime, Alec Lightwood is struggling with the idea of finally announcing his role as co-designer. When Magnus Bane strolls into his life, Alec is torn between keeping his secret or throwing all caution to the wind.

This fic was created for the Malec Discord Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter 12: Dear Happy, don’t go

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?”

Alec’s gaze snapped to his mother as she walked into the kitchen, smiling at him softly. It had been such a long time since they had spent time together, just the two of them, so Alec locked his phone again and tried to ignore the worry gnawing at his chest. He had woken up late to fifteen missed calls from Magnus, but his boyfriend had failed to pick up when Alec had tried calling him back.

“It’s all good,” he told his mother, plastering a warm grin onto his face and gesturing at the breakfast buffet he had put together. “I know I’m no chef, but I thought I would make us breakfast, just like we used to when I was younger. I couldn’t remember if you preferred blueberries or strawberries, so I got a bit of both…”

“This is lovely, Alec,” his mother murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as she grabbed a plate from behind him. “I wasn’t even sure you would be staying the night. Did Isabelle come home last night, or did she end up staying with Magnus somewhere?”

“The latter,” Alec answered, plating up some pancakes, fruit, and eggs before taking his old seat at the breakfast table out of habit. “Magnus called me a few times last night and again early this morning, but I haven’t heard from either of them since. I’m assuming they passed out and are going to wake up with awful hangovers sometime this afternoon.”

“Good thing they don’t have work, then,” Maryse chuckled. “It would be a shame for my two best editors to be out of commission on a busy day. Although… Did your team have anything planned for the day?”

“Oh no, absolutely not,” Alec snorted. “That would have been a disaster waiting to happen. Clary and I gave everyone the week-end off to celebrate the photoshoot with Vogue as well as the upcoming March rush. They need all the rest they can afford before hell breaks loose.”

“I’m sure they appreciate the gesture,” his mother laughed lightly, taking her seat to Alec’s right as though nothing had changed from the time when they still lived in the same house. “You’re a good boss, Alec. And I’m not just talking about your job as a CEO. I know I was always sceptical about you taking on a position as a designer within your own company, but I have to admit it’s paid off. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”

Alec’s heart warmed at his mother’s words, even as his brain struggled to catch on to what she was saying. He and his mother weren’t the type to talk their feelings out or discuss their problems with each other. Most of the time, they just nodded at each other in passing when they crossed paths in the office and went through the mandatory monthly conversation during family dinners.

In all his years as a designer, Alec had never once heard his mother tell him that she was proud of him for what he had achieved as a designer. He knew, deep down, that she had always admired his hard work and success, but she had just… She’d just never said it before, and he couldn’t help but wonder why she had chosen this day of all days to make such a heart-felt confession.

“Did something happen?” He asked, trying to think back on what they had been talking about during dinner the night before. “I mean, thank you, it means a lot to me to hear you say that, but why are you- Why now?”

“The media team received your finished plans for the spring collection yesterday,” she answered, her eyes gleaming with pride. “I’d already seen some of it, of course, since we’ve printed a few issues in the past month or so, but this is the first time I saw it in its entirety. Honestly, Alec, it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, and I don’t even care that much about clothes.”

“Oh,” Alec breathed out. He hadn’t even considered what his mother might think about the collection when he and Clary had started working on it. He wondered if she, as his mother, understood what many people didn’t when they saw the clothes he had designed over the past two months.

“He’s a lucky man,” she smiled knowingly. “But I’m assuming he doesn’t know yet? It didn’t escape my notice that you all very carefully avoided talking about the spring collection last night.”

“Yeah, I- I’ve been planning something, actually,” Alec blushed, looking away from his mother when her eyes widened in surprise. “I thought I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and at first I was only going to tell Magnus, but Clary and I have came up with a larger plan. There’s a good chance that by the end of the month, I won’t be a secret partner anymore.”

“Alec!” His mother exclaimed, squeezing his right hand excitedly. “I’m happy to hear that. I know Isabelle has been pressuring you to get this over with for years, but I’m glad you’re doing it in your own time. Is it going to happen during the fashion show?”

“I- Yes, actually,” Alec frowned. “How did you know? I am really that predictable?”

“Maybe not to most people, but you’re my son,” Maryse chuckled. “I know you, and I know you secretly have a flair for the dramatics. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you, although I do hope you’ll have everything figured out on time.”

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about it,” Alec grinned, thinking about all the preparations he and Clary had been taking care of. “Clary is just as excited about this as I am, if a little less nervous, so she’s been helping me out. She wants it to be perfect and highlight the collection at the same time, so she’s not going to screw anything up. Besides, I played to her buried romantic side as well.”

Because as much as Clary liked to act as though Alec was the only romantic one in their duo, he knew the truth better than anyone else. All it had taken was one mention of dedicating the collection to Magnus and she had been all over him, calling people left and right to make the fashion show even more epic than what they had originally planned.

“You and Magnus… It’s really serious, isn’t it?” His mother murmured, looking at him warmly. “You really care about him enough to reveal the secret you’ve been hiding for years. He must be one special man, Alec.”

“He is,” Alec murmured, thinking about all the things Magnus had done to make Alec fall in love with him, one day and gesture at a time. “We haven’t said- I mean, we still have a few steps to take in our relationship before the fashion show, but I’m pretty sure he could be the one.”

“You know, sometimes I forget that you got your romantic tendencies from me,” his mother shook her head fondly. “You and Isabelle will be the death of them with all your gestures and words and grand confessions. He’s a lucky man, Alec, never forget that. No matter how great he is, you’re an even better catch.”

“You’re a little biased, mom,” Alec pointed out, although he was beaming brightly at his mother and squeezing her fingers a little more tightly in his. “But thank you, I’ll try to remember that.”

They stayed silent for a few minutes, eating their food and exchanging the usual small talk they always did when Alec stopped by the house. It was far less stilted than usual, which made Alec think they were finally on the right track to sorting through the remaining mess of their relationship. If nothing else, at least dating Magnus would have mended the connection Alec and his mother had once shared.

“Why do you guys look so… happy?” Max grimaced as he entered the kitchen, looking rumpled and still half-asleep. “And since when do we do family breakfast in the morning after dinner? I thought it was a one-time-only kind of thing we did to make ourselves feel less guilty about living apart.”

“Yes, Max, thank you for analysing our family dynamics,” Alec rolled his eyes, ruffling his brother’s hair as he rounded the table to take the seat on Maryse’s left. “But we’re allowed to change things up once in a while. Mom and I just had some things we wanted to talk about, and breakfast felt appropriate.”

“Whatever,” Max muttered. “As long as I get free food out of this, I’m not going to complain.”

“Honey, all your food is free,” Maryse pointed out, stealing a strawberry from Max’s plate and ignoring her youngest son’s indignant spluttering. “As long as you live in my house and don’t have a job, nothing in this kitchen is yours. It’s what being a child means, if you think about it.”

“God, I get it,” Max mumbled. “I can’t wait to go to college and get away from you guys, especially if you’re going to start having emotional conversations before 11 in the morning.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we’ll keep all those feelings buried deep inside our hearts when you’re around,” Alec snorted. “We wouldn’t want you to think that we – heaven forbid – love you. Really, that would be the biggest tragedy this family has ever seen, and we’ve seen a lot.”

“We all know the biggest tragedy in this household is either Jace’s complete lack of filter around Simon, or your terrible choice in socks,” Max snarked back, kicking at Alec’s legs to punctuate his words. “Seriously, you’re a fashion designer, shouldn’t you know how to dress yourself? Even I have better style than you do.”

“No, you dress like a wannabe popular kid who doesn’t want to admit he prefers Disney movies to action ones,” Alec retorted, smirking smugly when Max blushed darkly before sticking his tongue out at him childishly. “That’s a point to me, little brother.”

“Boys,” their mother interrupted, staring at the both of them exasperatedly and pointing at their plates. “Stop acting like middle-schoolers and finish your food. It would be a shame for Alec’s efforts to go to waste just because the two of you were busy arguing over who’s the ‘coolest’ sibling. We all know who that award goes to, and it’s neither one of you.”

“Yes, mom, we know who your favourite is,” Max scoffed. “No need to remind us, thank you very much.”

Alec held back a laugh as their mother turned to stare at Max with the most unimpressed look in her eyes. His younger brother hadn’t quite learned how to shut up at the appropriate times yet, and it was always rather entertaining to watch him get scolded for behaving like a ‘child’.

(It wasn’t quite as entertaining when the tables were turned, but he didn’t have to worry about that this morning.)

“Young man, I know you’ve been wanting to leave this house for a while now, but you should know better than to insinuate I have a favourite-”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, alright! I take it all back!” Max raised his hands in surrender, shovelling the rest of his breakfast down his mouth before grabbing a mug of coffee and quickly backing out of the kitchen. “I love you, mom!”

“He’s just saying that because he doesn’t want to get in trouble, isn’t he?” Maryse sighed, turning back towards Alec and smiling wryly when Alec nodded. “Well, it’s not like I don’t have plenty of experience with difficult teenagers. I love you and your siblings very much, but you were never the easiest bunch to handle, especially not during your last year of high school.”

“Please don’t talk about that year,” Alec winced. “Seriously, I would rather burn all those memories out of my brain than have to relive a single one of them ever again. As for Max… Well, he’s just feeling left out. Being the youngest was all fun and games when he was younger and got all the perks, but now that we’re gone and he’s the only one left, I’m quite sure it’s normal for him to act out a bit. Besides, he’s a Lightwood…”

“He breaks noses and accepts the consequences?” Maryse completed for him, raising an unimpressed eyebrow as she always did when they mentioned their family motto. They had come up with it after Izzy had gotten in a fight with one of her classmates, and it had stuck ever since. “But thank you, Alec. I’m glad you grew up to become such a respectful and wise young man.”

“I don’t know about the wise,” Alec snorted. “But I’ll take the respectful. Now, I’m sorry to cut our time together short, but I should probably stop by Magnus’ to make sure he and Izzy are doing alright after last night.”

“See? You’re plenty wise,” his mother smiled, patting his cheek gently. “Go on, go find your man and your sister and keep me updated on their condition. And please let Isabelle know that I don’t want her to lock herself up in her room every time her girlfriend and her have an argument.”

“I’ll be sure to pass on the message,” Alec chuckled. “Anything else I should know, or am I free now?”

“Oh, yes actually! I was going to mention it at the office on Monday, but since you’re here now, I don’t see the harm in telling you about it,” Maryse grinned. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that Magnus is officially going to be hired as the company’s Head Editor! His trial period just came to an end, and I think we can all agree that he’s been doing a great job so far.”

Alec’s smile froze on his face, his brain struggling to understand what his mother was saying. Magnus was already the company’s Head Editor and had been for as long as Alec had known him, maybe even longer than that. Right?

“That’s… great,” he choked out, hoping his mother wouldn’t notice how strange he was acting. “You know, I can’t seem to remember just how long he’s been doing this trial thing for. It’s been what, two… three…?”

“It’s been a whole month, Alec! A month and a half, almost,” his mother said, looking at him askance. “Do you guys not talk about that? Honestly, I thought I wouldn’t have to tell you at all, since the two of you are so close. Shouldn’t you have been celebrating with him when he found out?”

Wasn’t that a good question?

“I guess we were just so busy with the Vogue shoot, and then it must have slipped his mind, and you know… We’ll probably celebrate next week,” Alec answered as cheerfully as he could manage. “The collection has just been kicking our asses, so I’m not surprised he hasn’t found the time to mention it.”

“Alright,” Maryse said slowly, frowning at Alec worriedly. “Are you sure everything’s alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine,” Alec choked out. “Yeah, just- Just a little bit tired. I don’t sleep as well as I used to when I’m here, so I should probably go home for a while. I’ll text you later?”

“I thought you were going to see Magnus and Izzy,” his mother said perplexedly. “But yes, please text me later and let me know everything’s alright.”

“I’m sure they’re fine, I was just being a little too overprotective of my sister and my bo-boyfriend,” Alec grimaced unconvincingly, praying that he had managed to make it look at least slightly like a smile. “I’ll text, I promise, and I’ll see you at work on Monday!”

He rushed out of the house before his mother could say anything else, breathing heavily and trying to ignore the bitterness and confusion rising in his throat like bile. He was just overreacting. There was still a chance Magnus hadn’t been lying, or at least a chance that he had an iron-clad explanation that would justify the way he had twisted the truth.

He was overreacting. Magnus would never lie to him about something as important as his job. All he had to do was take the week-end for himself, realise he was being stupid, and act as though everything was normal when he saw Magnus at work on Monday.

Easy.

***

It, in fact, was not easy.

Magnus tried to call him another twenty times that weekend, wondering if Alec was alright. Alec had only answered his texts when Magnus had threatened to come over, begging his boyfriend to stay away and claiming to just need rest.

He didn’t talk to anyone for two days, telling Clary he needed time alone and trusting her to handle everyone else. If there was one thing his best friend was good at, it was having his back when he needed help and silent support. Even though she was dealing with Isabelle-related problems, she didn’t hesitate to stand by Alec. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

Still, he knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid the rest of the world forever. As much as he wanted to bury himself in blankets and food to forget about the fact that Magnus had probably been lying to him all along, he knew he couldn’t. He had a company to run and a fashion team to lead through the last month of the work-up to their spring collection.

Besides, ignoring Magnus wouldn’t get them anywhere. He didn’t want to talk to his boyfriend about the things he had been keeping from him, but he knew it was a necessity. They couldn’t stay together if Alec shut Magnus out and refused to discuss important matters with him when things got tough. If they wanted this relationship to work out, they needed to communicate.

Unfortunately, Alec had a feeling that in this case, communication might just lead to a quicker termination of their relationship. After all, Magnus had been lying to Alec ever since they had met – if only by omission – and Alec couldn’t think of a single explanation that would excuse a lie like that.

More importantly, he couldn’t think of a single explanation that would justify why Magnus hadn’t just told him. Alec wouldn’t have cared that he had only just joined the company as a temporary Head Editor. He would have been there for his boyfriend every step of the way, and they would have celebrated properly when Maryse finally gave Magnus the position he so clearly deserved.

Instead, he was left to wonder what on earth he had done to make Magnus think he couldn’t trust Alec.

“You okay, boss?” Maia asked him when he walked into work early that Monday morning, holding onto his cup of coffee for dear life. “Rough weekend?”

“Something like that,” Alec smiled brittlely, trying not to take his bad mood out on Maia, who really didn’t deserve his anger. “I’m going to spend the day in my office, so come up if you need something. And if Magnus stops by- When Magnus stops by, tell him to meet me in my office as soon as he has some free time.”

“Is everything alright between the two of you?” Maia frowned, although she looked ready to back off and disappear at a moment’s notice. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“I’m not sure,” Alec sighed. “But thank you for checking up on me. I’d really rather not have to deal with people today, so just… Do your thing?”

“Absolutely, boss,” Maia saluted him seriously. “Any and all requests will go through Clary, and the boss-lady will only contact you if it’s an emergency. We don’t have anything huge planned this week, so you should be fine up there as long as you keep us updated on anything important.”

“Of course,” Alec nodded. “Thank you, Maia.”

She nodded at him as he walked back towards the elevator, hitting the button for the top floor a little more forcefully than usual and sighing heavily as he found himself alone again. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to the office after all, since he had a feeling he would be completely useless until he got to talk to Magnus.

He knew the easiest way to solve that issue would be to go down to the media floor and find his boyfriend, but he honestly wasn’t sure he would be able to make it out of the elevator if he tried doing that. He felt hollow, betrayal clawing at his heart every time he thought about all the things Magnus must have been hiding about himself. Maybe the other man didn’t think those things mattered, but Alec… Alec had thought he was getting to know every part of Magnus, and now it felt like he was missing hundreds of little pieces.

By the time he reached his office, he was feeling decidedly unready to face the day. He had paperwork to take care of, meetings to arrange, and higher-ups to talk to, but he would pat himself on the back if he got even one of those things done. Instead of worrying about his little – yet very important – tasks, he sat at his desk and stared at his office wall blankly, once again questioning his entire relationship with Magnus.

He had thought that after a day and a half of worrying, he would have been better and eager to take his mind off things. However, he had clearly overestimated himself.

He didn’t do anything that day. He answered a few calls, e-mailed Clary back when she asked him about one of the collection’s designs, and took care of one pile of paperwork, hoping it was the one his mother had talked to him about. Mostly, though, he gnawed at his bottom lip and stared at his door as though his mere gaze would be enough to draw Magnus there.

Unfortunately, it seemed that his boyfriend was having a busy day, since Alec hadn’t even gotten a text from him that morning – aside from his usual ‘good morning’ message. So, where Alec had expected to get his feelings off his chest before noon, he instead found himself waiting until six that evening to have his dreaded conversation with Magnus.

It really didn’t do anything to improve his mood, and he knew that would only make their interaction that much more painful.

“Hey,” Magnus smiled softly as he knocked and let himself into Alec’s office that evening. “Maia told me you wanted to see me here, but I got caught up in media stuff and couldn’t get away before now. I hope you didn’t want to talk about anything too urgent.”

“Not urgent, no,” Alec said blankly, hoping Magnus would pick up on his tone and stop it with the smiles and cheerfulness. “But I did want to see you.”

“Okay?” Magnus frowned, slowly stepping closer to Alec’s desk but thankfully stopping a few feet away from the designer. “Wait, did Isabelle say something? She told me she didn’t want to mention what happened the other night, but I was kind of hoping she would bring it up so…”

“Isabelle didn’t say anything,” Alec interrupted before Magnus could make things worse for himself. He had no idea what his boyfriend and sister had gotten up to that had made Magnus call him dozens of times, but he was almost certain he didn’t want to know. “My mother, however, did. I hear congratulations are in order and wished to offer them as the co-CEO of Lightwood Enterprises.”

“What- What are you talking about?” Magnus furrowed his brows, looking genuinely confused as to what was going on. “I thought you were here to discuss… Never mind. What are we talking about here?”

“It’s tradition for both CEOs to welcome the company’s highly-ranked employees when they’re offered a full time job,” Alec clarified, crossing his arms over his chest as Magnus’ eyes went wide. “So, I wanted to say congratulations on being offered the Head Editor position permanently, especially after only a little more than a month on trial!”

“Alexander…” Magnus started, cutting himself off and looking away as though only just realising what he had done wrong.

It was bullshit and they both knew it. Magnus had been lying all along, which meant he must have known Alec would find out eventually and must have been at least somewhat prepared for the fallout. Alec had been expecting an immediate apology, an explanation, anything to make him feel a little better about the state of their relationship.

And instead, all he got was his name? After almost two months of lying and bluffing and acting as though he had been friends with Isabelle all along, the best Magnus could give him was his name?

“Why?” He breathed out, staring at Magnus brokenly and trying to blink back the tears that threatened to slip out of his eyes. “Why didn’t you just tell me? What were you so afraid of?”

“I used to work for Fade Media!” Magnus exclaimed like that explained everything. “I didn’t want you to think I was only here to spy on you or something! Besides, I wasn’t sure you would hire me if you knew I worked for your media company’s biggest competitor.”

“We don’t care about our models’ professional past as long as it’s clean and seems to point at a hard-working, punctual individual,” Alec murmured. “What we do care about, however, is honesty. You shouldn’t have lied to us about where you worked, and you shouldn’t have had to buy yourself a position on the media team or whatever it is you did to get there.”

“I just talked to Isabelle,” Magnus grit out, looking vaguely offended by Alec’s accusations. “Besides, how was I supposed to know you didn’t care about all of that? I was already rejected once by your father, and I didn’t want to go through that a second time. For all I knew, you were just like him.”

Alec’s heart clenched painfully at his boyfriend’s words. The one thing he had promised himself as a teenager was that he would never grow up to be like his father. As an adult and a CEO, he had made that same promise hundreds of times and had never broken it once. He was a better man than his father had ever been, and he had proved it countless times already.

“You don’t get to compare me to him just because you’re frustrated or afraid or whatever it is you’re feeling right now,” he whispered, looking away from Magnus when guilt flooded his boyfriend’s eyes. He didn’t want guilt or pity or anything like that. He wanted an explanation and, more importantly, an apology. “You don’t get to act like this is my fault when you’re the one who decided to lie. I get that rejection hurts, but it was no reason to lie to a team of people who had never done anything to you.”

“I know I- Look, I was just ashamed,” Magnus said, turning pleading eyes on Alec. “But I never meant for you to find out,” Alec’s gaze hardened, and Magnus immediately seemed to recognise his mistake. “Like this. I never meant for you to find out like this.”

“That’s not what you said,” Alec shook his head sadly. “You weren’t planning on telling me. I don’t even care that much about the lie, since your job doesn’t matter when it comes to our relationship. As an employer I may be a little pissed, but it wouldn’t have affected our relationship if you had just come clean once we started getting serious. Lying, however… Why would you lie?”

“As if you’re any better!” Magnus hissed, his eyes turning stormy and his lips thinning. “You want to talk to me about lies? Then why don’t we talk about your little secret, huh? Don’t yell at me for lying to you when you’ve been hiding something just as – if not more – important. Co-designer? Co-designer, Alec! And you never even breathed a word of it to me.”

“That’s not the same thing,” Alec started, because it wasn’t. He had plans to make the reveal perfect. He hadn’t told Magnus yet because he wanted to do it right, to surprise his boyfriend and show him that he was no longer afraid. He had plans. He wasn’t the one throwing around words like ‘I never meant for you to find out.’ Before he could defend himself, however, Magnus closed the remaining distance to Alec’s desk and loomed over it angrily.

“It’s exactly the same thing,” Magnus curled his lip. “Except you’ve been listening to me gush about Clary’s secret partner ever since we started dating. You knew how much I admired him and you never stopped me when I went on rants. If that doesn’t make you lies far worse, then I don’t know what does.”

“I never told you because I wasn’t ready!” Alec cried out, slamming his hands on his desk and glaring at Magnus icily. “I didn’t actively lie, like you. I didn’t tell you I wasn’t the designer, and I even went so far as to give you clues! Don’t try to convince me that you wouldn’t have figured it out eventually, because I was not trying to hide it as much as I could have.”

“But you were still hiding it!” Magnus snapped. “Why is that, huh? Why weren’t you ready? Because you didn’t trust me to keep it a secret? Because you thought I would lose interest?”

“Because I was afraid!” Alec yelled, wiping away the tears that had started rolling down his cheeks. “Because I am afraid! Do you know what it feels like to take on a job and have everyone around you tell you it’s a terrible idea? I may be a fairly popular designer now, and I may have never struggled professionally when it comes to my collections with Clary, but it was never all fun and games.”

He clenched his jaw as he thought about all the people in his life who hadn’t believed in him, who hadn’t listened when he had told them about the extra classes he had been taking with Clary and mocked him for wanting to become something more than a businessman.

“My mother thought I was insane,” Alec chuckled mirthlessly. “She begged me to step down as co-designer and focus on the things that mattered. Isabelle and Jace made fun of me for months before we released our first collection, thinking I was delusional. Even the fashion team was sceptical. The only person I had was Clary, and she was struggling with just as much criticism as I was. So I didn’t tell you for the same reason only a handful of people know my secret. I’m afraid, Magnus.”

“So what? You’re allowed to be afraid, but I’m not?” Magnus growled lowly, and only then did Alec realise he was crying too. He hated himself for how much he wanted to comfort the other man at that moment. “Just because your secret is bigger than mine doesn’t mean I’m not also terrified.”

“Don’t compare our secrets, Magnus!” Alec all but screamed. “You don’t get to do that! You lied your way onto the media team, and you lied your way through your modelling interview! You created your own problem! You weren’t afraid of what the secret means to you, you were afraid of being caught.”

Even as he spoke, Alec knew he had hit the nail in the head. Magnus was staring at him with a mix of betrayal and sheepishness. He clearly knew what he had done was wrong, and Alec didn’t understand why he couldn’t just apologise for not trusting Alec.

He didn’t understand why Magnus had had to bring up something else, a secret that Alec had been planning on revealing anyways. A secret that had nothing to do with faking his past and everything to do with not wanting to be thrust in the spotlight. A secret…

A secret he hadn’t shared with Magnus.

“Who told you?” He croaked out, already knowing the answer to his own question. There was only one person in the world who knew about his position as co-designer and was close enough to Magnus to reveal it. Still, he needed to hear it from Magnus himself.

He needed the confirmation that two of the people he had trusted most in the world had completely disregarded his desires in order to satisfy their own wants.

“She didn’t… She didn’t mean to,” Magnus whispered. “You know she never cracked before, but Isabelle was- She was drunk, alright? She was drunk and I thought it would be easy enough to needle her about the secret designer and finally get a clear answer out of her. I didn’t realise I would be- I didn’t realise I would be betraying your trust at the same time.”

“You would have been betraying my trust even if I wasn’t the co-designer,” Alec murmured. “I told you to let it go. I told you to forget about it and let him do it in his own time, but you continued to push Izzy anyways. You knew she would break, because deep down she’s always wanted me to get credit for my work, and you took advantage of her.”

“Alexander, no… I-”

“I was going to tell you,” Alec smiled painfully through his tears. “I had a big reveal planned. I was going to show the whole world who I was, and I was going to talk about the collection and you and- It was going to be wonderful because I would finally be free. Now though, it turns out that the person who gave me the strength to be honest with myself and the rest of the world is just as much of a liar as everyone else. It turns out that he doesn’t respect or trust me the same way I respect and trust him.”

“Alexander, darling, please listen to me,” Magnus begged him, his hands shaking as he wrung them together. “I know where you’re going with this, but please think about it twice. We’re good together, aren’t we? We’re good, and we can fight without breaking up, because I- I lo-”

“Don’t.”

Magnus’ mouth snapped shut at Alec’s order. Even though he hadn’t said the words, the damage had already been done. Alec wasn’t stupid; he knew what his boyfriend had been about to say, knew that Magnus had meant every word of the confession he hadn’t been allowed to make.

He knew it, because his heart felt the same way. Yet…

“You need to leave,” he choked on his words. “You’re still a model for this season, and I won’t forbid you from spending time with the team, but you need to leave. I don’t know what you were thinking when you lied to me, and I don’t know what made you ask Isabelle about my secret, but I can’t- I don’t need to know.”

“You’re breaking up with me,” Magnus said listlessly. “Why- Alec, you’re breaking up with me?” He gasped out, the words only barely a whisper.

“I am,” he answered simply, knowing he looked and sounded just as heartbroken as he felt. “So please, Magnus, leave.”

To his credit, Magnus did. He stared at Alec for a few seconds longer, tears streaming down his face and his lips parted disbelievingly, but he left and closed the door behind him. The hole in Alec’s heart grew bigger than ever, and a sob slipped past his lips as soon as he realised he was alone once again.

So he cried, sobbed, and let his heart shatter into a million little pieces for hours, unable to think about anything but Magnus. Magnus, who loved him but hadn’t trusted him enough for Alec’s tastes. Magnus, who was still the most beautiful man Alec had ever seen, even when his face was covered in tear tracks.

His mind screamed for Magnus just as loudly as his heart did, and Alec lost track of time.

When he resurfaced, it was to the feeling of Clary’s small arms wrapped around him and her familiar, soothing scent seeping into his skin. He buried his face into her red hair and let everything out, trusting her to take care of him when he could no longer take care of himself.

But even as Clary rocked him gently and listened to him attentively, his mind was miles away, yelling at him to go back to the man he loved.

If only life was that easy.

[stubbornness-and-spite]

Remind Me Why I Fell In Love With Happy Endings

It’s Because They Have Happy People

~

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Summary: It hurt. A lot. They felt drained dry and defeated, but there hadn’t been any villain or monster to fight. They were supposed to be a team. They could fight monsters, not deal with this. Emotional vulnerability sucked.

Takes place directly after Learning New Things About Ourselves

Pairing(s): platonic LAMP, romantic if you want to read it that way but I wrote it platonic

Characters: Logan, Patton, Virgil, Roman, Thomas is mentioned

Genre: hurt/comfort, angst with a hopeful/happy ending, angst and fluff

Warnings: cursing

Word count: 2420

Notes: kind of an AU? Just timeline-wise. I’m playing fast and loose with the timeline, which is only going to be important and/or relevant if I actually finish the follow-up fic I have planned for this. Since in this story/universe, the sides are real and Sanders Sides videos are not really scripted, there’s much less time between videos(because editing, writing, and directing are figuratively thrown out the window).

“Well, that went well,” Virgil snarked as they sank back down into the common area.

“Our goal was accomplished,” Logan said sharply, avoiding eye contact. “Thomas is feeling better about his chosen lifestyle.”

“His lifestyle you hate, you mean?” Roman grumbled. “Just looking for some extra clarification. Wouldn’t want anyone to be confused.”

“Now, kiddos,” Patton chided, his smile not reaching his eyes. “I think we all came out of that one a little bruised.”

“Metaphorically,” Virgil cut in before Logan could protest. “Emotionally bruised.” Logan nodded with a pinched effort at a smile.

“Is everyone doing okay?” Patton asked softly.

Logan scoffed. “Of course, Patton. No new information was relayed to me and therefore my emotional state, which is negligible, was not significantly impacted.”

“Logan…” Roman grimaced. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean it. I should have said something more when we were up there, but I-”

“You were more concerned for Thomas’s mental state and more concerned by his opinion than you were for or by either of mine,” Logan cut him off. “Perfectly understandable.”

Roman shook his head. “I should have been concerned for both of you. I shouldn’t have put you in a position where hearing an apology from me for something I specifically said to hurt you was a great kindness. I called you a lot more than ‘stupid’ that I should have apologized for.” He lifted his chin and stood even taller. “And I am now,” he declared. “Logan, I am truly and honestly sorry for the hurtful things I said to you and about you and I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me for speaking to you in such a way and treating you as if you were worth less than you are.”

Logan sighed, some of the tension falling from his face. “Thank you, Roman. I forgive you.” Roman smiled weakly and Logan nodded in return. “Also, to be clear,” he said, adjusting his glasses and smirking. “I’m not remotely offended that you called me a bitch.”

“Roman!” Patton cried, affronted. “When was this?”

Roman blushed. “I got carried away.”

Logan huffed, his smirk softening into a smile. “I like to see you so passionate. I like to inspire it, even if it comes in the form of calling me Sanders Claus on Bitchmas and suggesting we build a snowbitch and kiss under the bitchletoe.”

“Roman!”

“Patton,” Logan said, turning to him. “I was much more insulted by being called stupid. Both of which Roman has apologized for. There is no need to berate him further. I believe I have done enough of that for quite a while.”

“But Logan!”

“Hey, Pop-star,” Virgil chimed in, drawing the focus onto him. He shrunk back slightly but kept talking. “If L says he isn’t upset, then getting upset on his behalf is only making everyone feel bad. It’s okay to let it go sometimes.”

Patton sighed. “I guess you’re right, kidd-- Virgil. Sorry.”

Virgil flinched a second after Patton did, at the sound of his name. “Pat, I-” he sighed. “Nevermind.”

Logan reached over, but stopped, his arm hovering near Virgil’s shoulder. “May I touch you?” At Virgil’s nod, he slid his arm across Virgil’s back and squeezed his shoulder. “Have we not made clear that being open with each other is the only way that things can be solved?”

“Guys, I was a real jerk today and I’m sorry,” Virgil said in a quick breath. He tilted his head to rest on Logan. “Logan, I shouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion that everything was your fault. I shouldn’t have blamed you for something that we all knew we were all contributing to.” He looked at Roman. “I shouldn’t have blamed you either. I know how hard you work. I know how much it kills you when we criticize what you do and I know we have to sometimes because that’s our job, but we’ve been taking it too far lately. I’ve been taking it too far lately and especially today.” Virgil looked over at Patton who had tears in his eyes and quickly looked away. He stared at Logan’s shoes for a moment before forcing himself to look back at Patton. “Patton, I love you,” Patton whined as his damp eyes filled a little more. “I love that you call me kiddo. I wouldn’t give you dad-themed nicknames if I didn’t. I like being a dynamic duo with you. I feel like you get me sometimes in a way that someone whose function isn’t emotion isn’t able to.” Logan stiffened, but didn’t move his arm. Virgil kept talking. “What makes me uncomfortable isn’t all that. I like being your ‘dark strange son’.” A small grin crept onto his face and he rolled his eyes fondly. Virgil paused, catching himself and hesitated before taking a breath and blurting out, “I don’t like being called an angel. I don’t like you telling Thomas that I don’t mean the things I say just because they’re negative or because I disagreed with you. It makes me feel like you don’t think I can do my job. It makes me feel like you think I’m less capable than you are.” Virgil winced and looked tentatively at Patton, already waiting for scorn.

“Oh, Virg-- kiddo,” Patton sighed. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

Virgil shrugged, his expression relaxing as he leaned into Logan and pretended he’d never had any doubts. “I know. That’s why I said something. If I thought you were doing it to upset me, I wouldn’t have asked you to stop. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, which is why I felt safe telling you that it upset me.”

“Can I hug you too, kiddo?” Patton asked, fidgeting with his hoodie sleeves.

Logan spoke up before Virgil could respond. “Oh, Virgil and I are not hugging. I am merely ensuring that he feels safe enough to express the feelings that we have previously established are important to share.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “By hugging me. Face it, L, we’re basically cuddling.” Virgil smirked as Logan blushed, but was pleased that Logan’s arm around his shoulders didn’t move at all. “Come hug us, Patt-- Dad. Come hug us, Dad.”

Patton barrelled into them, tackling them into the couch, his arms outstretched to wrap around them. Virgil laughed as he went down, pulling himself into Logan’s side as he curled up on the couch. Logan readjusted until he was seated normally on the couch with one arm draped over Virgil, who had pulled his knees up and was leaning onto him. Patton picked himself up and sat on the other side of Virgil, placing his arm next to Logan’s and gently grabbing Logan’s shoulder. Logan looked over to see Patton smiling at him as he squeezed his shoulder. Logan let out a breath and dropped his head to rest on Patton’s hand.

“Well, this is just absolutely adorable,” Roman stood awkwardly above them, looking down with a bright smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “But I should be going.”

“Come cuddle with us, Princey,” Virgil muttered. “You deserve cuddles, especially after today.”

Roman’s face lightened a bit as he breathed out a soft laugh. “You look very comfortable. I’ll just be off.”

Patton looked up at Roman. “I have another arm, kiddo. There’s a spot right here if you want it.”

Roman took in a sharp breath and let it out shakily, looking at Patton as if he’d just told Roman that he was going to get everything he’d ever wanted right then and there, a mix of disbelief and desperate longing on his face. “Thanks, padre, but I’m good,” he finally managed, a blank smile slapped back on his face.

“Roman, why do you feel the need to lie to us when we are openly offering you affection?” Logan asked, not bothering to look at Roman.

Roman scowled, but quickly regained control of his face and smiled again. “Because I don’t need it. I’m doing just fine. This last video just illustrated to me how much work I have unfinished and I need to stop letting my ego get in the way of productivity.”

“You’re lying,” Virgil mumbled, not looking at Roman. “You sound like Logan when you lie and not in a good way.”

“Do you just know all of our tells?” Roman snapped. “Are you studying us, Virgil? Does it make you feel special to have us all figured out, Emo Nightmare?”

“Now, Roman, kiddo…”

“That’s enough, Roman.”

Ignoring Patton and Logan’s jump to his defense, Virgil started to hum a tune that was still fresh in all of their minds. “Sometimes the problems at play are not all plain to see, so we lash out at our loved ones, disregarding our bond sanctity,” he sang awkwardly.

Roman sighed and flopped down on the couch. “Don’t quote me to me, Panic! at the Everywhere.”

Virgil snorted. “You’re pretty quotable, Princey.”

Roman laughed. “Whatever you say, Hot Topic.”

“You reused that one on purpose,” Virgil taunted. “You think I’m hot.”

Roman huffed a laugh and snuggled into Patton’s side. Patton hummed softly in delight and pulled Roman closer. “I already told you you’re adorable, do you really need me to admit you’re hot too?”

“Children,” Logan groaned.

“Aww, Logan!” Patton chirped. “Have you finally admitted that we are the fathers to two wonderful sons?”

Logan frowned. “No. I was telling Virgil and Roman that they were arguing like children.” Virgil and Roman laughed and squirmed closer into their hugs. Quietly, into Virgil’s hair, almost so soft that no one heard him, Logan mumbled, “And I thought I was one of your kiddos too.” But they did hear him and Patton squealed. Roman and Virgil flinched at the sudden noise and Patton stopped with a sharp intake of breath. He looked back and forth between the two of them, both of whom had relaxed once they realized it was Patton that was squealing, and squealed again, much softer.

“Of course you’re one of my kiddos, Logan!” Patton cried, reaching over to try and hug Logan too. Virgil grunted softly as he was crushed between them. Logan reached over with his free hand and placed it over Patton’s on his shoulder and Patton stilled, settling back between Roman and Virgil. “Of course you’re one of my kiddos,” he repeated softer. “You’re all my kiddos. I love you all so much.”

“Love you too, Pat,” Virgil mumbled.

“The feeling is mutual, Patton.”

“I love you as well, padre.”

“Love all of you!” Patton cried, getting a little weepy. “Now say you love each other!”

Logan blinked. “Was that not abundantly clear? I thought it was rather obvious that I care for you all. I concluded Patton was the only one to require regular reminding. Was my reasoning not sound?” Logan’s panic increased as he went on, his breathing quickening and his volume rising. Virgil tensed under Logan and Patton’s arms. Roman went very still.

“I didn’t want to put you out, L,” Virgil admitted. “I don’t want you to say it just because you think I need to hear it. I’m fine, really.”

Roman nodded. “I feel the same. It is a wholly unnecessary venture. I am not so shallow as to need constant praise and validation.” He turned to Patton. “No offense, Patton.”

Patton smiled. “None taken, kiddo! Remember what Thomas said? ‘Honestly, it didn’t hurt me. It’s clear you’re the one that’s hurting.’ Didn’t you listen to what we said?”

Roman scoffed. “It’s all well and good to say things for a camera. I’m quite familiar with the process myself. I was flattered, of course, that you came up with so much so quickly.”

“Aww, kiddo, we meant it!”

Virgil suddenly sat up ram-rod straight and whipped around to face Roman. “I shouldn’t have said almost,” he blurted out. Everyone turned to look at him, but he barrelled on. “I thought you knew what parts were serious, but Roman, we love you.” he paused and shook his head. “I love you. Nothing you could do would make me or any of us stop.” He scowled. “Dammit, even Deceit and Remus love you and they’re bastards who can stuff it. You’re awesome, Roman. In every case, we’d embrace you. Nothing is ever going to make us stop loving you, let alone hate you, okay?”

“Yeah, Virgil,” Roman choked out, trying valiantly to keep from crying at Virgil’s speech. “I know.”

Virgil went red, suddenly realizing how much he’d said. He settled back down between Patton and Logan. “Yeah, well, good. Don’t be stupid and think we don’t love you again, Princey.”

“I love you all too,” Roman mumbled with his face buried in Patton’s cardigan.

“I love you both as well,” Logan murmured. “I shall endeavor to remind you all more often. I have often spoken against the logic of assuming other’s thoughts and jumping to conclusions. It would be hypocritical of me to continue to do so after it has been brought to my attention that, in this case, actions do not figuratively speak louder than words.”

Virgil snorted. “Love you too, Logan. Now shut up and let me sleep. I’m exhausted and emotionally drained.”

Logan nodded, leaning onto Virgil and resting his head atop his curled up body. Patton lifted his arm to let Logan relax and lay down half on top of Virgil who had tilted to lean on Patton. He set his hand down on Logan’s head, gently running his fingers through the other side’s hair. Roman leaned all the way over, resting his head in Patton’s lap. Virgil and Patton shared a small smile as they both moved a hand to play with Roman’s hair. Roman let out a pleased hum and the quiet attention, leaning into both of their touches. Patton took a final look at his friends, his charges, his family, all curled up and leaning on him, letting him love and support them the way he tried so hard to do, and let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He leaned his head back and felt a pillow materialize behind him. He glanced down to see Roman’s smile grow slightly. Patton lifted his hand up to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss onto his fingers before pressing it onto Roman’s head. He leaned back on the pillow and closed his eyes, the comforting weight of the other three on him quickly lulling him to sleep.

[raisinghellonstarbug]

Comfort Films Challenge

Thank you to the wonderful @omnishambolichologram for tagging me as always in these fun activites :3 ^^ Also - sorry it’s taken me weeks to FINALLY post this!

Film are definitely my number one enjoyment in life along with watching television series (aside from the obvious of spending time with family and friends) and there are quite a few comfort films for me, so it’s going to be difficult to narrow down to only seven! I might have to be cheeky and add in a couple of special mentions hehe

And FYI some of these films might not be necessarily comforting, but they are in that they’re easy to watch so many times because I love them that much. This list probably won’t have all of my absolute favourites, but we shall see what my brain comes up with this time because it sometimes changes.

(I won’t be able to rate one more than the other as they’ll all be different kinds of films so I wouldn’t be able to necessarily say one is better than the other)

I’ve chosen these films based on not only how rewatchable they are, but also on their sheer brilliance as a whole in terms of cinematography, dialogue, cleverness and the acting... (and probably on how long I’ve known them and grown to love them everytime I watch them)

Note: I don’t own some of the gifs included in this post. Credit would go to them if I knew who they were but I’m making sure that I don’t take credit for the ones which aren’t mine.

Good Will Hunting (1997)

This film is quirky, intelligent, funny and teaches you a lot about the choices you make in life. I think what I love about this film is how simple the ending is. “I gotta see about a girl...” - sums up how love can end up being the most important thing to grab hold of when you realise you have it and never had it before. I personally believe that this is probably Matt Damon’s best performance out of all his acting roles even to this day. Ben Affleck and Robin Williams were pretty damn great in it too.

Midnight Run (1988)

(This gif is mine).

This film has it all. A damn well cleverly written script with uncanny and hilarious dialogue, brilliant dynamic between the two main characters, fabulous music score, wonderful sets of shots (the cinematography of the beginning scene is great) and basically a simple story that is not only entertaining and easy to follow, but is acted out fabulously by everyone. The whole wild goose chase for these two men played by Robert De Niro and Charles Grodin across the country is just ridiculous, but ridiculously funny. I have to say that it’s definitely one of my top favourites of all time. If you want a laugh, I would recommend this one!

Special mention (another Martin Brest film): Beverly Hills Cop is on point also.

The Breakfast Club (1985)

It was tough for me to just decide on one John Hughes film as he’s one of my favourite directors of all time, but I chose Breakfast Club because it’s the ultimate classic coming-of-age story, and it’s all set in just one location. It’s clever in that there doesn’t have to be lots of action to make it good, all it does is introduce a bunch of teenage stereotypes and take away the shields that they have put on and learn to no longer be prejudice of one another. Eighties is also my favourite era of films and this is just a perfect mixture of comedy and drama. The acting is great and I give applause to especially Judd Nelson and Anthony Michael-Hall for their delivery and their facial expressions.

Special mentions of other John Hughes films he has written/directed that I ADORE: Pretty in Pink (Andrew McCarthy and James Spader yum), Sixteen Candles (hilarious), Uncle Buck (the best family film ever), Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Some Kind of Wonderful <3

Heathers (1988)

Christian Slater and Winona Ryder are the best duo in this film and it is another eighties classic. I related to both these characters and I can never get enough of this film. I have probably seen it twenty times or more and still not fed up with watching it. The dark comedy and the gritty and foul dialogue are iconic in this flick, and I take my hat off to the brilliant Heathers (Kim Walker - may she RIP, Shannen Doherty, Lisanne Falk) for playing such clever and awful characters. I was obsessed at one point with Slater because of his role as J.D and honestly his death at the end of the film is a powerful as fuck ending. The cinematography of the ending makes the film for sure, the angle, the chosen shots I just Ugh. Fabulous.

The Help (2011)

This film. I don’t know it’s just brilliantly done and the acting is perfection. Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Jessica Chastain and Dallas Bryce-Howard are fantastic in their roles and this film explores such a crucial time period that I think is illustrated well. These women while fictional, feel so real and the struggle of black maids (black people in general really but this is specific to the women) is real. I cannot help but cry everytime at the ending, and the way that Aibilene stands up for herself, I never get tired of. It is easy to watch as it’s not painful like 12 Years A Slave, but it still epitomises the segregation that was so prominent in the sixties in southern US very well. I find comfort in how delightful the characters are and still manages to be funny despite the story being focused on such a sensitive subject.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Shawshank, well we all know this film. It has been parodied and quoted so many bloody times, but yet I am cliche in love with it and I cannot fault a single thing about it. Tim Robbins is an underrated as fuck actor and he should be appreciated so much more for his stellar performance as Andy Dufrense. He is the epitome of the straight and narrow man who, really, is not a bad guy at all. In fact, he’s always tried to be the opposite. You symphathise with him throughout and you really feel his struggle, but also his perfect ability to be so human. He makes Red realise he is not as bad as he made himself believe and of course we know how good Morgan Freeman is. Again, this film like Heathers I could watch a million times and never get bored with it. Whether it’s on TV or I find it available online, I always will make time to watch it.

Call Me By Your Name (2017)

I have only recently come across this film about 8 months ago and it’s the kind of film which I can’t help but wonder where it’s been my whole life. I have already watched it probably like 10 times since I found it and I am so happy I did. However, it has led me to form an unhealthy obsession with Timothee Chalamet where he has come up in conversation in real life and I figured the only things I was still an avid fan of was of Supernatural and Red Dwarf, but no this film is just pure delightful dynamite. The cinematography is so elegant and perfect (especially during the dream like sequence when Elio is alone or in the gif above when Elio is watching Oliver). The screenplay brilliantly illustrates how wonderfully amazing but also torturous love can be, and well it is set in the eighties. What more can you love? Timmy and Armie have such good chemistry it’s unreal, and they make their characters so believable. Another film I cannot fault and could watch anytime, even though the ending is heartbreaking af.

Bonus: Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

Notting Hill (1999)

About TIme (2013)

There are plenty of other comfort films I adore but it probably depends on my mood. I’m definitely a sucker for romantic comedies and these three are on here as bonuses because they’ve also been very comforting to me over the years. What can I say? Richard Curtis writes some brilliant screenplays and directs some of them too.

[takaraphoenix]

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I enjoy ranting about TV shows, books - I figured, why not movies too? Not that I watch a lot of movies. The only movies I watch are animated movies and Marvel movies. I think I could probably count the movies that don’t fall into those categories and that I’ve seen this decade... yeah, two hands and I’d still have fingers left.

Now, the following is, obviously, going to contain spoilers. So do not read more if you don’t want to be spoilered.

...

..

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All gone who don’t wanna read? Good.

I really enjoyed this movie. It was really good, especially considering it’s a sequel.

It had a lot of flaws too though. And I feel inclined to start with the things that bothered me.

How the fuck did the anal joke from the first movie turn into a romantic sub-plot for this movie...? Part of why I love the first one so much is that it had zero romance. For the first half of the movie, I feared they were going to set Eggsy and Roxy up because she was the only girl around. I was so glad when they didn’t.

Movies do not need romance. Movies that already cover spies and action and comedy do not need to also force romance into it. That romance has to happen in TV shows, I came to live with. But a 2 hour movie doesn’t need to waste its time on romance.

Especially not on romance that’s based on a joke and a one-night-stand after the not apocalypse. The only thing we saw of them was sex. And suddenly, they’re in a relationship. Absolutely no set-up at all. And the movie wouldn’t have lost anything without this romance. If anything, considering that the secret agent marries a princess in the end, the franchise would have benefitted from not setting that relationship up.

That was just weird and to me personally very annoying, but the biggest problem, I think, was that they killed off Roxy.

Among the things I expected of the second movie, was Eggsy and Roxy as a duo. A team. Kicking ass and having one of those rare but epic male/female friendships. Everyone has their own things to celebrate and for me, it’s male/female friendships, because they’re literally rarer to find than unicorns when it comes to TV and movies.

The movie was, at parts, weak in its strength of numbers and having an additional Kingsman there, having just Eggsy and Merlin and half of Harry was really weak in a movie literally called Kingsman. If Roxy would have been there too, it’d have been a stronger sell, they could have also had quips between Eggsy and Roxy and I enjoyed the sneakpeek at what their friendship could be like... right before Roxy died.

It was just such a male-heavy movie. Among the Kingsman, Roxy was already the only woman. And among the Statesman, we only got one woman too. Even just casual agents in the background would have helped there, but I’d have loved if Roxy had actually played like... a real actual role in this movie.

Sure, this time we had a female villain, but that kind of didn’t make up for it, in my eyes. I mean, Poppy was an amazing villain. Strong, insane, her motivation was... fascinating. Her plan was as crazy as the last one, but she was definitely a stronger villain than Nick Fury’s bad guy in the last one, because that guy was more of a joke than an actual villain.

I also liked the use of Charlie, how he tied over between the movies. He was a good henchman. I mean, the last movie already didd the strong henchman in Gazelle, but this one has both a strong henchman and a strong villain. I enjoyed that.

Let’s move on to the Statesman.

I dislike their names.

Champagne is French.

Tequila is Spanish.

Whiskey is Scottish.

I mean, I don’t know, if you’re telling me that they chose their names to represent the mingling of various cultures in the US... That’s way too meta for this franchise. Let’s be real. The British are named after the knights of the Round Table. The Statesman should have names that are inherently American. I had speculated on like... names of old West cowboys like Bonnie and Clyde and such, especially considering their get-ups, or maybe something like the 50 states, having an Agent California and such, or perhaps even the last names of former presidents. Something that is just inherently American, considering their entire get-up is as much a stereotype of America as the Kingsman are a stereotype of the British. And when I hear Agent Champagne... I do not think “Ah, head of the Statesman”. If I’d hear Agent Sundance Kid, or Agent Washington, more likely.

Moving on to the Statesman themselves.

Ginger Ale was... a female version of Merlin and a stereotype of “We put glasses on the pretty girl so now she looks nerdy”. She also fell really flat.

But she fared better than Tequila. I had only seen one trailer before seeing this movie and I expected Channing Tatum to play the American Eggsy. The counter-part who fights alongside with the Kingsman. I did not expect for them to literally put him on ice. That was a serious waste of Tatum.

That Whiskey was a traitor was real obvious from shortly before Harry figured it out and I like that at least one of the characters actually figured it out. I also liked how he fought with a whip and a lasso, because that brought a whole new level of choreography into this and it was fun.

So, yes. I think that, ironically, this franchise is trying too hard to keep its characters to a minimum. It wouldn’t have been over-crowded if Roxy had stayed alive and if Tequila wouldn’t have been iced. Other movies fail because they have like 300 characters they’re trying to squeeze in there, but you can have more than three characters do stuff, you know?

I even think that Merlin’s death was good. I like Merlin’s character, but he changed the dynamics by dying and put up some stakes. Though his death could have been avoided and that kind of pissed me off.

I mean, they have magic gel that heals head-injuries and they have nanobots to repair brain-damage and they have aftershave that literally turns into blue plastic (?), but... they don’t have superglue spray that would have just frozen the landmine? They only have “lasts a few seconds” ice-spray so someone still has to die? Not to mention, how did that mine-detector not ding at the mine that was literally right next to it?

They could have killed him off in a scenario that would have been less... unrealistic and forced, considering everything else. He could have died at Charlie’s hand during the big final battle, or something.

Which also makes me remember the honeypot mission. Like. You spies with the nanobots don’t have transmitters that can be, I don’t know, swallowed? No, you need to finger the girl to put it on. That was some serious bullshit right there. And really just in there to create the tension between the new relationship.

Other than that, it was a great movie.

The action scenes were amazing. Ridiculously unrealistic and fun, but that’s why I enjoy them. I’m the kind of person who tunes out during fighting scenes because they bore the living underworld out of me. But in this franchise, they’re actually fun.

The sets were great, the acting was good, the dialogues were so fun and I personally liked the villain plan this time around more than the last one.

Oh. And Elton John. Nearly forgot. At first, I was kind of pissy that he was just so... there, not doing anything, not even complaining. But then he actually kicked ass and helped. It was fun.

All in all: Definitely worth the watch on the big screen.