#I’ve Gotta stop thinking

[faeoffline]

t sure is having impacts today, huh? (<- has thought so many horny thoughts today)

[ricky-mortis]

I heard that Corey Dorris sang Show Stopping Number at Innit- so I present: Corey!Hidgens

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

Thanks to @thejesterstears I got my grubby little hands on some TADC manga pages for me to graze on like a goat and I gotta say…there’s a lot of fun/interesting details in it that I was not expecting.

For instance

Obsessed with these panels in particular putting some focus on Ragatha and Pomni displaying the same nervous tic.

Literally illustrating how Ragatha tries to mask her discomfort and keeps up appearances for the sake of reducing tension while Pomni just wears her displeasure on her sleeve.

I think these two moments, and how it’s displayed both in the show and the manga, perfectly sets up the dynamic between these two for the rest of the episode.

With Ragatha trying desperately to do away with any potential lingering animosity about the previous day’s events that she’s overcompensating on the sweetness and Pomni continuously countering with either very blunt responses or just flat out not reciprocating Ragatha’s attempts at friendship.

Not because she dislikes Ragatha, but because she’s too busy trying to adjust to everything and frankly not be ok with any of it to really humor her. It only reads as rude to someone who’s so used to internalizing their emotions.

And is it any wonder Ragatha got the impression that Pomni doesn’t like her.

[centaur-dreaming]

“Damn bro who got you smiling like that?”

Fictional men in my phone and the horrendous filth I have written about them on my notes, actually

[ratcandy]

I gotta stop raising animals from babyhood man I get too emotional seeing them get big . I’ve been cooing over Whisk all morning because she’s so big now and so fuzzy she used to be so small size of my fingernail and now she’s BIGGER than quarter-sized and she’s STILL got so much growing to do (she’ll eventually be about the size of my palm) and ohhhh ohh my sweet baby. My darling thing. My everything

[rainoverthewindow]

Testing out my inking pens by drawing one of my favorite characters ever

Enoch Drebber

The guy ever

[weadapt]

I think it’s interesting storytelling how in the beginning of the game Cal says the Sixth Sister’s name, Masana Tide, and reminds her of who she used to be—and it visibly distresses her because it hurts what was done to her and Cal isn’t wrong in what he’s saying. The shocking thing for me was the moment when Cal said “It’s time to set you free”. It was such a surreal feeling hearing Cal say that, those kinds of words, to know he decided it was time to strike her down; it’s understandable because she killed his entire crew, but for Cal to be the executioner in that way was scary to see coming after only experiencing the young kid he was in Fallen Order. Now you really get the feeling Cal has been through a lot, he’s grown as a man since Fallen Order and he’s calloused, not entirely in a bad way given he’d have to be to survive but still in a depressing way, as a result. I know overall and gameplay wise, Cal has killed a lot of people, it’s nothing new, but storytelling wise it’s a serious moment for Cal. It’s a moment you know is going to follow him the rest of the game for character development. After he kills her, it’s made clear by the music and by Cal’s body language that this isn’t a good thing coming from him. It isn’t a triumph. Even BD-1 knows and worries for Cal with his little “Boop…?” and Cal is only able to respond rather shakily, “Yeah… I’m okay”.

When he meets up with Bode and Bravo and they ask him what happened to the Inquisitor, he gives a simple, no emotion, “Dead”. The long pause of Bravo not saying anything in response to me says a lot; it feels like he isn’t used to Cal having a reaction like that.

Then we have Rayvis. Cal defeats him in battle and asks him to join in the fight against Dagan. He doesn’t want to kill Rayvis—“You don’t have to do this”. The oddly tragic part to me is that Rayvis has dreams of seeing Tanalorr again. If Dagan succeeds his dream will be realized, but he’s given up on the dream and wants a warrior’s death now. He wants to die, and in his mind, honorably, by Cal’s hands, and he’s going to force Cal to do it. But for Cal it’s another execution on his part. He pauses before he lifts his saber and kills Rayvis. It isn’t a triumph. Again we’re given a sudden swell of music to tell us the emotion behind the action of killing Rayvis. You can see it’s affected Cal badly. BD-1 seems to ask Cal the same question as before, “Boop…?” but this time Cal doesn’t acknowledge the question and just replies, “We should go”.

Killing Dagan hurts for Cal too. Dagan is a Jedi, someone who held onto the Order, who tied his entire identity to it and all of his goals are focused on restoring the Order and fighting to change the universe. Just like Cal in a way. Dagan is single-mindedly focused on the mission, so obsessively, he lost himself and the one he loved as a result. Cal understands and see the parallel of that kind of drive in his own mission against the Empire and it terrifies him. Dagan could’ve helped him fight the Empire but it became another tragic moment of having to kill a once fellow Jedi. This is another tragedy. Bode doesn’t care about Dagan being dead on the floor but Cal does. Cal has enough respect to place Dagan’s lightsaber on his chest. Cal pauses to reflect but Bode immediately gets back to getting the compass.

We have this interesting arch of reactions to killing his opponents. They were each killed for the mission. It was necessary. They each started the fight against him. No matter the reason though, it’s still very painful for Cal.

Cal is being pushed into this direction of forcing him to question his beliefs and who he is. His whole identity at this point has been tied to the Order, of being a Jedi, and it’s very clear by his conversations in Fallen Order that it really matters to who he is. By the end of Survivor, we have three fallen Jedi: Masana Tide, Dagan Gera, and Bode Akuna. So who is Cal Kestis? What will he become? Is he doomed to fall like they did? That’s what troubles him—“Let’s just say I don’t wanna end up like him [Dagan]”.

He’s afraid he’s going to lose himself.

The fear is almost realized when he’s about to kill another opponent. The one behind the murders of his friends and mentors. Cal’s been killing each of his main opponents up to the point at Nova Garon—this one will be no different. Except killing the man who sent Bode on the mission to infiltrate his team is different. Cal is on the edge of losing himself to the Dark Side. In Fallen Order he pleaded for Cere not to use the Dark Side because “She’s stronger than that”, “[she] still had a choice”. But Cal is failing to remember any of that for himself. He wants to kill because he’s angry, grieving, and in immense pain. Merrin has to bring him back—“This is not you!” There’s a question of whether or not Cal would’ve been able to stop himself if Merrin hadn’t been there though.

When we get to the final battle, Merrin is warning Cal of what’s likely going to happen but he ignores her for a while which prompts her to say, “Well? Say something!” He doesn’t want to acknowledge that Merrin is right and they’re likely going to have to kill Bode, and with that, taking Kata’s father away—a loss of family Cal and Merrin know too much about. So they both try and give Bode every chance to stop and turn away from what he’s done, despite how much Bode had hurt them. Sadly, Cal once again is forced into using the Dark Side to prevent Bode from killing Merrin. It was worth it. It was worth using it to save Merrin. He couldn’t let her be killed. He couldn’t see that happen before his eyes like he had with all of his friends and mentors.

After everything is over, there’s this sickly feeling left behind. Not simply because of Bode’s death, but because of the impact on Merrin realizing Kata has lost family just like she and Cal had, but also because of the impact the death of Bode has on Cal. And after Cal carries away Bode’s body, the music changes to an eerie, ominous, high pitch, minor key when we see Cal board the Mantis. The kind of change in music which lets the audience know there’s something seriously wrong. Things are different now. Cal’s different. And he knows it.

He’s lost in time watching the pyre, reflecting on everything that had happened but also on how grateful he is to Cere, but he knows the impact of her loss will continue to be with him for the rest of his life. Just like Jaro Tapal. Another guiding force in his life is gone. With Cere and Cordova gone, there is no longer any Jedi wisdom to seek out. He’s now alone in that way as a Jedi.

“I’m scared… I almost lost myself… I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Cal and the audience are left with the dreadful realization—

“I don’t know if I’m ready for what comes next”.

[royaltea000]

I cannot stress how many times this fancam of hetamyu Prussia plays in my head daily I need to be neutered immediately

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

I think I huave covid

I know just the thing to fix you up!

[egopathic]

hallucinating bad enough that i’ve resorted to just blanket ignoring all surprising stimuli.

[un-pearable]

lightning and fire and beams oh my

[kickbutts-singsongs]

“Y’all I have had a DAY”: part 2 electric boogaloo

Soooooo I just got back from winter break last night right? Yeah so um I went to check on my bike last night and take it back to my dorm when I discovered that its front wheel was missing and there was a lil official college sticker on it that said that it would eventually be impounded unless I called a certain department and so I did but it was Sunday night so no one answered lol so I left a message and just continued with my night (cuz what else can u do?)

WELL

I went back there this morning to take it to the bike shop across campus (after I got off the phone with the department people who said that no they did not take my bike wheel it was def stolen and to please file a police report) when I discovered that not only was the front tire gone, but apparently so was the entire seat and post

(:

As well as the bike rack that my aunt had bought me for bringing home groceries

(((((((:

Sooooooo uh fuck my stupid baka life ig

[thetiggerappreciationblog]

hi friendos!! I know I haven’t been active here for a while, but just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I reached out and got confirmation our boy is doing well <3

[super-oddity]

“the musical came out 20 years ago you can’t be upset about spoilers” totally get your logic babe, but before this week we’d have to actively hunt for information about the plot and now we Cannot Avoid It

[moominpopzz]

Taking applications from anyone who is willing to shoot me point blank so I can think of anything that isn’t southern William Wisp

[roseate-rose]

fucking Christ on a bike y’all WHAT is up with me and pizza at this point