#I’m working on some personal projects that I hope to have ready soon-ish

[justgallifreyanthings]

What is there to do when you get sloppy drunk at trivia and then get stuck on the train on your way home? Why, messily sketch song lyrics in Gallifreyan, of course!

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[lwt28brave]

LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT��ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | four

> series masterlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: (2nd bts member to be revealed) x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut (to come)

words: 4.2k

warnings: implied sexual content, your friends are still extra, cussing / mature language, relationship issues, angst, making out, slight dry humping, you actually act on your hoe-ish thoughts because seokjinnie keeps testing you??

notes: 2nd member involved in this love triangle will be revealed next chapter and it’s actually gonna start getting messy. are you with me? 😈

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead @bluesharksandfish​ @photographic-girl (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

A couple of days have passed and you were only getting more giddy as time passes. It sounds stupid as hell, and sometimes you can't help but curse yourself for having a crush on someone so unattainable. The thrill, though, is what excites you, and knowing that there's a possibility Jin may reciprocate the same feelings. Since he had placed his number in your phone, he had sent you random, occasional 'have a good day!' texts and smiley faces. Maybe it didn't help that he was only fueling the fire by sending you texts like this. You couldn't help but ponder on the thought that you had crossed his mind from time to time, and that my friends, was fucking attractive.

"Her head game was on point." Taehyung smirked and leaned back in his chair, making Ryujin roll her eyes at him.

"You're sick, no one asked about your night."

"Why do you sound so mad, sweetie?" He leaned closer to her.

"I'm not mad." She scooted her chair away from him. "Can you believe this right now?" She shot you a look, but you were too busy texting on your phone, responding to the messages you couldn't get to earlier.

[jin] 3:05pm: I hope your day has been treating you well. See you soon?

[y/n] 5:37pm: Been a little busy, but hasn't been bad. :) Excited for class!

You laughed at yourself because who even says 'Excited for class' like that? You were really playing yourself right now.

"Earth to Mr. Kim's mistress?" You shot Taehyung a look and immediately shoved his face away.

"Jeez, you've been glued to your phone so much lately. Did you find new dick, or something?" Ryujin asked as she rested her chin on the palm of her hand.

"No, god. I've just been trying to keep myself occupied." She shrugs and doesn't press any further. Thank god, because you hadn't told any of your friends how Jin comforted you that evening and how he had given you his personal number just to check in every now and then. You didn't plan on telling them anytime soon, only because they'd be dramatic about it and you didn't have the energy to calm the chaos that would ensue.

"Speaking of - have you guys started the assignment due next week for Mr. Kim's class?" Jimin kept his eyes on the work in front of him.

"No. I'll probably do that the day of." Taehyung says as he texts on his phone.

"I was going to ask him for help later."

"Were you now?" Jimin rose his eyebrow, shooting you a look.

"Yes, and it's only because I can't choose which topic to write about."

"Why don't you ask us?"

"Because this always ends up being an open-ended debate and the conversation ultimately ends with no decision made." Jimin nodded in agreement.

"Touché."

"Bat your eyelashes while you're at it, kay?" Ryujin giggles.

"You guys are free to join me."

"Mmm no thanks, I don't think I need any help right now." Jimin responds.

"Same. Besides, I'd rather not cockblock."

"Honestly so sick of you guys." You all end up packing your things to head to Jin's classroom, all four of you entering one by one and taking your seats near the front. Class goes by rather quickly, you and Jin stealing glances from time to time. Ryujin, Jimin and Taehyung offer to wait up for you near the library and you simply nod, letting them know you'll only take a quick minute to talk about the assignment. Once they've disappeared from the hallway corridor, you turn on your heels to make your way over to Jin at the front desk, where he's arranging his things and getting them together.

"Y/N, hey." He smiles at you, tilting his head to look at you from his stance. "What's up?"

"I uh, just wanted to ask for your opinion about the assignment. If.. you aren't busy?" He chuckled and shook his head.

"No, not at all. What's going on?"

"Well, I've just been having trouble deciding on a topic." You placed your things down.

"Alright, try me." He nods towards the whiteboard, signaling for you to scribble your ideas onto the board so he could help you map out your thoughts. You quietly walk over, grabbing the only black whiteboard marker available and start talking through your thoughts. He sits on the desk, arms crossed, watching you scribble on the board. He chimes in every now and then, either agreeing or disagreeing, and providing his honest opinion as to what might work best for the assignment.

"Mm, okay. I think that makes better sense." You step back and take a look at the things you've crossed out and circled, leaving you to finalize the topic for your assignment.

"Yeah, I think so." He stands and nods in agreement. You turn to look at him, only to realize how close in proximity your body was to his. His hands are tucked into his pockets while he looks down at you. Both of you don't move, regardless of how close you two are at the moment. You feel stuck, and the only option that crosses your mind is something you shouldn't even be thinking about. Yet, you still act on it. You find yourself on your tippy-toes laying a kiss on his plump lips, but you quickly pull away and gasp, realizing what you had done.

"I-I'm so sorry, I-" You stutter as you step back to try and quickly grab your things. "I gotta go." You dash out of the room, your heart beating through your chest. As soon as you were far as possible from his room, you slowed your pace to gather your breathing. You facepalmed so hard because what the fuck! You felt dumb as hell for acting the way you did, let alone for thinking his texts and all the attention even meant anything.

Way to fucking go, Y/N. You could feel how embarrassing next class will be already.

As soon as you spot your friends, you try to put on a smile and brush the thoughts out of your head when you see them waving you over. Jimin instantly throws his arm around your shoulder, helping you feel at ease as you momentarily forget about the events that just transpired.

"Ready? We're gonna go grab some pizza before heading home." You smiled at him.

"Yeah, I'm down."

Jin grabbed his things, feeling a little conflicted about what just happened. He knew this was something that shouldn't have happened, nor should it ever happen again. Yet, he wanted more of this feeling you gave him. He longed for it. He couldn't explain the feeling he got when he felt your lips against his, he just knew he was interested in more. It was bad as fuck, but it was the same thrill you felt that peeked his interest.

Jin pulled into the lot of him and Grace's house, seeing he was the first one home yet again. It wasn't a surprise to him anymore, and quite frankly, he was used to being home first all the time. It would have been a surprise if Grace was here before he was. Not gonna lie, after what happened, it makes him feel a little empty inside. He's starting to feel like he wanted more of you and to see you outside of campus grounds. He wanted your company and enjoyed your presence, inside of the classroom and even through simple things like text. It just made him happy, and like he was appreciated. Wanted.

Yeah, that quick. He was starting to crave you.

He kicked off his shoes by the door and changed into comfier clothes. He took some time to work out at their home gym before eating whatever leftovers were left in the fridge. He happily warms up his food and quickly gobbles it up, leaving the dishes in the sink for him to get to later. He hops into a hot, relaxing shower, letting the heat hit his back and relax him from all the stress he had been experiencing lately. It was so relaxing that he didn't even hear Grace shut their front door. He only found out he wasn't alone when he heard dishes being washed and slammed onto the dish rack and cabinet doors being slammed shut. He dried himself off a bit, before wrapping the towel around his waist and heading into the kitchen to see what the commotion was.

"Hey, you're home." He says with a smile on his face, but she continued to place dishes on the rack without looking at him.

"Yeah, and you couldn't even think to wash your dishes and clean up the kitchen?" His smile immediately turned into a frown when he realized Grace was far from being in a good mood. Over what? Dishes that he was eventually going to wash anyways?

"I was going to get to them."

"Jeez, Jin. I've had such a long day, the least you could do is help out and clean up after yourself." She glared at him.

"Woah, hey. I do my part around here. Just because I didn't do my dishes right away doesn't mean I don't do anything at all under this house."

"Hasn't seemed like it." She walked away, brushing him off completely. If it's one thing Jin could point out about his fiancé, it was the fact that she liked to project when she was upset. It was the one thing that drove him crazy, and the one thing he felt like couldn't be fixed. It was just in her nature, no matter how many times they've fought and argued about it. He tries to be patient and understanding. He tries to relate. Yes, I'm sorry you had a bad day. But just because you had a bad day, doesn't mean you bring the negative energy into this house.

"That's not fair, Grace."

"Grow up, Jin." She snapped as she headed upstairs. "I'm going up to pack and head to bed." He continued to watch her, appalled at the attitude she was throwing tonight. He really couldn't understand why this was happening over some dishes. He didn't wanna be here right now, and he wasn't going to deal with this shit. To be honest, he was feeling a little relieved knowing he'd get some space from her when she flies to New York for a week. She had some work to do for the opening of her restaurant down there, plus some related projects for her book.

He heads upstairs to throw on some jeans, a hoodie and a hat before passing Grace in their walk-in closet.

"Off for a drive again, huh?" She says as she keeps her eyes on the luggage laid out in front of her. It's sad that Grace knows what Jin does whenever he doesn't wanna deal with her attitude. But, no matter how many times he's tried to communicate and talk it out, it never mattered to her.

"Yeah, because it doesn't seem like you can communicate properly tonight."

"And how is a drive supposed to help?" She turns to look at him, but he doesn't say anything. She scoffs before returning her attention back to the clothes she was packing into her luggage. "Perfect. Run away from our issues, Jin. It's what you do best." He shook his head and sighed.

"I'm not doing this with you tonight, Grace. Not over some dishes that were eventually going to get washed and fixed." He walked out, but turned back on his heel to finish off his thoughts. "You know, I really wanted to have a nice night with you. Pop some wine and put on a movie, just to enjoy being in each other's presence since it feels like we haven't done that in a really long time. But, so be it." He threw his hands up in defeat and continued to walk out. He really did want to try, though. Part of him felt like he needed to because he was probably just longing for that attention from his fiancé, which is why he had been feeling the way he had been about you. Maybe it would have helped him brush it off like it was a silly, little crush. However, tonight just amplified those feelings he had for you and he wanted nothing more but to just see you and hear your voice.

He lowers the brim of his cap as he walks to his car, instantly starting it up and driving off. At first, he was conflicted. He wasn't sure if he was making the right decision or not, or if his judgment was cloudy. But something in him tweaked and made him say, fuck it. He was tired, and for once, he just wanted to feel wanted.

You sat on your living room floor, putting together a vision board for yourself. A ton of magazine cut outs and printouts laid alongside of you, waiting to be organized onto the small white board. You had been rearranging the layout for quite some time, feeling a little frustrated at the perfectionist in you. This definitely could have been quicker if you hadn't picked at the fine details too much. It was nearing 10:30pm; after you and your friends had ate pizza together, you all went your separate ways, tired from this week's events already. You especially didn't want to linger around, the thought of you kissing Jin in the classroom still haunting you. You felt your phone vibrating off to the side, signaling a call coming in.

Speak of the devil.

You hesitate, afraid that this had to do with what happened earlier and to be frank, you weren't sure if you were ready to deal with the repercussions just yet. The call ends, but a text notification pops up at the top of your screen.

[jin] 10:27pm: Are you free right now?

[y/n] 10:28pm: Sorry, yeah I am. What's up?

[jin] 10:29pm: Can we meet up?

You stare at your phone, unsure if you should take the opportunity to see him. It could mean a lot of things, or it could mean nothing. It could be about the kiss, or it couldn't be. But, you can't help but feel a little guilty that he had been there for you when you needed someone and here you were, contemplating if you should blow him off.

[y/n] 10:32pm: Sure. Is everything okay?

[jin] 10:32pm: I think, kind of just need some good company.

[y/n] 10:33pm: Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll come. Just let me know where.

You watch as he drops his location into the message, and it's not too far from where you live. You actually are quite familiar with the area to know that he's sending you up to a view that overlooks the Bay Bridge. You and your friends used to go there often during undergrad, just to eat edibles and eat hella junk food. Those were the days. You all quickly outgrew it though.

The drive up is a little scary, with only a few street lights posted as you drive up the hill. You catch a glimpse of Jin's car, being that he's already leaning against it, facing the view. You pull up into the empty spot next it, taking a deep breath and recollecting your thoughts before stepping out. Whatever it is, just be honest. That kiss was because you wanted to kiss him, but perhaps you misread the vibe about everything.

Not perhaps. You for sure misread the vibe about everything. He's fucking engaged. There was no way.

"I brought you brownie." Is the first thing you say as you hand him a ziploc with a huge brownie square. "There's no weed in it or anything, I promise it's clean." He chuckles as he takes it from you. "I just figured you could use a picker upper since you seemed like you might've need it."

"Thank you." His trunk had been open, so he takes a seat and invites you to sit next to him. You leave a bit of space just to be sure, since you already crossed your boundaries earlier and you weren't even sure how that was gonna play in to tonight.

"So, what's on your mind?" You dread asking him the question but you knew there was a reason he brought you out here.

"I, uh. Just had a pretty tough day and wanted to surround myself around good company." He turned to look at you.

"Oh, so I made the good company list?" You chuckle.

"Yeah, you did." He looks back out at the view. You examine him, his body language still a little tense from whatever he had just experienced.

"Was it Grace?" You ask softly and he nods in return.

"We've just been having issues. It's no biggie."

"No biggie, huh? Then why are we out here looking at the bay bridge?" He chuckles again. You think it's cute the way his dimples under his eyes pop out when he smiles and laughs.

"Touché. I mean, what if I just wanted to hang out with someone who could cheer me up?"

"Wow, then that's a lot of pressure on me." You laugh. "I can already tell something's wrong. You were there for me, so I just want you to know that I'm all ears." He sighed.

"It's kind of dumb? Maybe not? Me and Grace just haven't been the same for awhile now."

"How so?"

"We're just distant. We haven't done things together like we used to because we're both busy and so wrapped up with work."

"Jin." You smile shyly because this couldn't be a serious excuse. You always need to try and make things work! "You know being busy shouldn't be an excuse, right?"

"I know, I know." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, it's difficult to explain. I question if we're still in love with each other or if we're just sticking to this because we're comfortable."

"Deep down, I know you still love and care for her."

"I do. It's been hard to show that these past months. I guess.. what I'm trying to say is that it's been easy to focus more on the negatives than the positives. There have been more negatives than positives."

"Why don't you sit her down and talk about this?"

"I can't. I try, but I really can't. She's always coming home in a nasty mood all the time."

"Well, she might have a lot to balance on her plate. Not everyone approaches things the same way and if you know Grace easily shuts people out when she's overwhelmed or stressed, then I think you just need to continue supporting her by simply being there for her."

"I know." He looks down at his hands.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking. I hear you loud and clear though." He smiles at you toothlessly.

"Try talking to her. Work it out. I know she's important to you."

"She is but," He shakes his head once more. "I can't shake off this feeling."

"What feeling?"

"It's going to sound stupid."

"Nothing is ever stupid." He simply looked at you before responding.

"Earlier, in the classroom—" Fuck, you thought. You thought you had just gotten lucky tonight and that you both had put it past you so that you could move on without ever mentioning it. But half of you knew you'd still have to confront your mistake either way. Nothing was ever that easy.

"Jin, I'm so sorry, I didn't think about—"

"I didn't want you to stop." He spits out, causing you to stop mid-sentence. Your eyes widened after you had just registered what he had said. Was he fucking playing with you right now? This shit really couldn't be real.

"W-what?"

"I can't shake off this feeling because of you and as bad as it sounds, I really don't want that to go away."

"Jin." You say softly. "You should really work this out with Grace. This feeling is just temporary and you know it is because she's your fiancé. What happened earlier was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened." It kind of sucks, but it's true. You don't really know why you did what you did and what you wanted out of it. You knew what this would entail and it would be too messy. People would just end up getting hurt left and right. It would be a domino effect.

"Was it though?"

"I'm not trying to get in between you two." You beat around the bush with your response.

"Then, what did you want out of that earlier?" He stares at you. You can't help but feel yourself melt at the way he's eyeing you and the way he's actually teasing the fuck out of you with his piercing eyes.

"I don't know." He continues to stare, but this time his face is edging closer to yours.

"You can't even tell me straight up that it was nothing." He says, almost at a whisper. Your knees are starting to buckle beneath you and although you knew you needed to stop this, you couldn't see yourself doing it right at this moment.

"We shouldn't be doing this." You whisper, his lips inches away from yours at this point.

"Then why aren't you stopping me, Y/N?" No response. Before you knew it, your eyes were shut as your lips pressed against his. The feeling of his lips sent chills down your spine, his hand now tugging you closer to his body. You waste no time straddling his lap, deepening the kiss as your hands rest on his face and your hips grind against his. God, he was so fucking attractive and everything about him drove your ass crazy. You wanted him.

But you couldn't have him.

"Stop, stop." You edged your head back, reality settling in once his hands start to dip inside your sweats. "We really shouldn't be doing this." You climb off of him and gather your things.

"Y/N, wait."

"Jin." You turn to look at him. "Listen to me. We would never work."

"I wouldn't say never—"

"Look, this is already difficult as is and I'm trying really hard not to make this even more complicated for anyone. At the end of the day, you're still with Grace. You're still engaged to Grace." You emphasized. "I can't get in between you two, and I don't want to hurt her." How in the fuck did things escalate so quickly? How did we get here?

"I know that, and I know you don't. But you can't tell me that you didn't feel anything just now."

"I'm not saying that I didn't. I did, I-I do." You stuttered on your own words. "But I shouldn't be acting on it and neither should you. You should really focus on working things out in your relationship. I know deep down you love her and want to make this work."

"That's the thing, Y/N. I don't know how else I can make this work with her. I've ran out of options."

"Jin, you planned to marry her! You do understand that you can't just give up on someone like that, especially your future wife."

"As much as I appreciate this and understand where you're coming from, you don't know our relationship."

"I just don't want you to give up on her. I want you to try for her, not just because I told you so." He can see how serious things have turned, and  he knew you were right. This would be complicated. But damn, was he undeniably attracted to you and he loved the feeling he got from all of this.

"I-" He sighs. "You make me feel things that I haven't felt in a long time."

"You have your life planned out already, and so does Grace. You obviously saw a life and a future with her, and that's what you should continue building. I don't even know how to get from point A to point B in life and I still have shit to learn. Like-like changing car lights or how to do a fucking oil change by myself! I'm a mess. I'm not the one you should be thinking about."

"I don't care about that." He spits out as he gently grabs your wrist and turns you to face him.

"Don't make this harder than it already is." With all this shit going on, you still found yourself wanting him the same way you did earlier. Looking at him made you want to do unspeakable things and it didn't help that he gave you the green light to do so.

The temptations.

"I'm not trying to."

"We should really keep our distance from each other, okay? You need to work things out and I'm going to give you the space to do so."

"Fuck, Y/N. I really don't want that."

"I'm sorry." You whisper as you break free from his grip and get back into your car. You hear him groan, causing you to cry to yourself as you drive off and get back home. One mistake turned everything upside down, and now everything was suddenly 10x more complicated than it ever was in the beginning. You couldn't help but curse yourself and blame yourself for letting this happen the way it did.

But shit is done. The mistake happened. There was no taking it back.

You just needed to give him space to get over it, and that would be the end of it. Easy.

Or so you assume.

[strangertheory]

I hope you’re doing well :)

I'm doing okay. Life has its ups and downs.

I haven't been as active on this blog as I used to be, and I'd like to share with you all a little bit of context and what's going on in my life.

(This is a long post in which I'll overshare a bit and dump some of my feelings into paragraph form, so if anyone doesn't feel up to reading a multi-paragraph post about my depression and anxieties don't feel obligated.)

I have been a freelancer for the last three-ish years. I didn't like the way my former employer treated me or other workers, so I quit and I tried running my own business. It was really great at the beginning. Things felt promising. I had (and still have) customers who I love working with and who value my work. It enabled me and my sweetheart to travel and go backpacking and work remotely and see so many places we'd never been and meet so many new people. But no matter what I did, I couldn't figure out how to make my freelance work grow beyond a certain amount of projects at any given time and I was probably not charging enough for my services for a long while. The pandemic hurt a lot of my work too, and many of my customers disappeared while they tried to figure out what they needed to do for themselves too.

I've been incredibly lucky and in spite of things not working out, I had a wonderful few years running my own remote business while traveling and having experiences I never would have otherwise had. But right now I'm searching for new employment and hoping to find an opportunity in a larger company again while also still working for a few customers who still need me and have continued to hire me for projects, and the job search combined with my freelance work and the pandemic and various other personal life events has made life more complicated and more emotionally stressful.

The job search is a discouraging process. The pandemic has been emotionally draining and stressful, but I am very fortunate and I have been fully vaccinated. But the job search is weighing on me a lot emotionally. I swing between feeling confident in myself and my network and my opportunities, and feeling as though there must be something wrong with me and my skill-set and my resume and that I must be going about things all wrong and fearing that after three years of not making enough to pay the bills while freelancing and after draining all of my savings trying to make my own company work that things aren't going to turn around any time soon.

I've also been feeling a deep emotional wound around my relationship with my family. They care about me on a certain level very, very much... but they don't truly love and accept me as who I am, and they're very prejudiced and set in their ways. This has been weighing on me more lately since I'm recognizing that my parents are getting older but I haven't figured out a way to reconcile with them on issues that mean a lot to me. I just want them to love me as I am and accept me for who I am because I love them so much but I'm struggling to figure out if there's anything I can do to change their mindsets or if I'm even ready to try doing more than what I've already done in my efforts to do that, since it would involve even more emotional energy and vulnerability that might not even make a difference or could even make things worse between us. I think I've already tried and done a lot in my effort to encourage them to change their hearts about things, and I probably need to spend more time seeking therapy and making peace with my lack of control over their ideologies and opinions and to make peace with the way they choose to love me even if they're not accepting of every part of who I am. But it's hard.

And I suppose I also have plenty of anxieties around certain aspects of the online Stranger Things fandom itself these days too. That's certainly also a factor in my absence.

I have really enjoyed sharing my ideas and theories with you all, but I don't want my thoughts and feelings and convictions and ideas that I choose to share to provoke any conflict that I don't have the emotional l energy to process in a healthy way.

I might escape this funk at some point and happily return to writing long posts and analyses about ideas that I have. I don't know how long I'm going to feel the need to take a break. When I have so much in my life that I'm already worried about, I am trying to spend my free time in ways that make me feel happy and I suppose right now I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable and unwilling to share my feelings about a story and characters that I'm overly emotionally invested in. I use fiction to escape from my real-world troubles and to find catharsis, but at times (like right now) I slip into being too emotionally invested to the point of connecting too strongly with fictional scenarios and being concerned with the opinions of other fans in ways that impact my wellbeing in a negative way. I need to sometimes step back a bit until I've recentered myself emotionally.

I value the friendships that I have made in this corner of the internet so, so much. Your interest in my ideas and our sharing of our different theories and our mutual fondness for this wonderful series and its characters has brought me a lot of joy and helped me feel less alone in many ways. But when I'm feeling like my family doesn't understand and respect me and I'm feeling alone, I do need to be wary of looking for finding understanding online when there's a certain culture of misunderstanding and drama if I accidentally wade into the wrong online circles that aren't seeking to understand me or seeking to share their thoughts with me in a mutually respectful way but are seeking to feast on social media drama or people who are seeking out someone to be angry at who they don't know and who they can turn into the scapegoat for their own worries. Strangers online aren't always kind and they aren't always willing to remember I'm just another fan and human being.

So with my depression and my increasing anxiety around my relationships and communities both online and offline I've been quieter here lately. I've been trying to spend less time in fandom spaces and trying to get more time outside in the fresh air, get more sleep, spend time with people who I know love me and allow me to feel heard and understood and respected, and figure out what I need for my health and happiness that I'm struggling to find.

I want to reassure you all that I'm very lucky, that I'm very safe, and that I have no worries about food or a place to live or anything like that and that I have a good network of people in my life who will make sure I'm okay. But depression and anxiety and other undiagnosed mental health struggles and unemployment and family issues can weigh on a person.

I'm still here. Thank you for spending time with me in this corner of the internet even if I've been really quiet lately. I still love Stranger Things. I still appreciate the friends I've made here. And maybe I'll return to blogging more regularly and with enthusiasm and joy when we have new content or when season 4 is released. I don't know where I'll be at emotionally later today, tomorrow, or next week. I'm taking things one day at a time. Sometimes I might write about my ideas and reply to Asks, and sometimes I might not. Sometimes I might reblog posts by others that I appreciate, and sometimes I might not post anything at all for a while. Thanks for understanding. ♥️

[the1918]

2020 for the1918

Am I the last person to make this list? Maybe. Do I regret that? Yes. Am I making it anyways because my cognitive behavioral therapy is teaching me fix my avoidance issues? Also Yes.

Let’s do this: @The Trees In Front of Cevans’s House and @Bucky’s Arm... you da real MVPs.

But other than them...

Thank You to Everyone that Truly Made My 2020:

@cantabile-l  Jo (Daddy Dumpster™ Co-Founder) — I have to list you first. How could I not? Every friendship I’ve made in this fandom comes back to you. We literally bonded over porn lookalikes and started this craziness called the Stucky Porn Lookalikes Archive ( @stucky-lookalikes-archive ) to preserve the porn, and it now has now has 85k hits and 500 bookmarks (!!!?!!). But it’s more than that, even more than starting the Daddy Dumpster™ and bonding over culihos. Bespoke got finished because you got me excited enough to want it, just like half a dozen other fics. You were also the basis for many, many other friendships that I list below. Your nesting head canons were the inspiration for so, so many A/B/O moments in my fics. We’re so on the same length on an intellectual and spiritual level (I feel like you and me and @ixalit are three parts of one whole ❤) and I am in love with you for it. Culihos forever.

@hanitrash​ Hani (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) —I’m so, so damn glad you’re in my life. We share that sick sense of humor and refusal to adopt a filter. You add flavor to our Dumpster™ with your wit, and I feel so warm when you share pics and updates about the family with us. You were the first person I ran to when I “discovered” HTP and you held my hand 😂 And Jesus—your talent. I could go on and on and on about Through The Darkness I Heard Your Voice and Private Showing, but also one of my New Year’s resolutions is to start reading your work as Loralynne Summers. Thank you for making me smile every day of last year since April.

@trekchik Jini (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) — I can’t speak to the number of laugh-out-loud, belly-grabbing, cackling moments I have had in a year that could easily have been shit otherwise, all because of you. I feel like you’ve truly become a member of my family; like, I see you posting in the Dumpster™ when I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, “Oh, what’s the fam up to today?”. I know I’ve gone on and on about your talent (absolute queen of dialogue and pacing) before, but I don’t thank you enough for keeping the Porn Archive alive when the rest of us are slacking. Your Stucky Tumblr Drabbles (especially the meet cutes) puts a smile on half the fandom’s face regulary, and I’m excited to re-read the wonderful Anagnorsis & Peripeteia soon. Here’s to another year of weird dildo pictures.

@thegodswife Amanda (Dumpster™ Citizen) — I feel like we were literally destined to become friends. The love I feel for you and your little family is real and immense, and I feel like your victories (in life and in writing) are my victories. You have made a slow but steady convert of me to Shrinkyclinks with fics like peaches and because it's christmas, and I am in awe of your talent for writing charged dynamics with jaw-dropping moments. This fandom is lucky to have such a gem as you. 2021 is going to be the Year of Amanda (*clinks Lindeman’s Framboise glasses 🥂*)

@ixalit Max (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My relationship with you has and continues to be lifechanging for more reasons than I can even go into on tumblr. You make me laugh. You make me cry (usually in good ways). You make me horny by supplying the #porn-and-fun as the dutiful resident horny teenage boy of Dumpster™. I remember so clearly when we first messaged talking about your Evanstan thoughts and fics, and I knew your writing was special then (omg, Hiraeth?? How dare). You deserve all the success you earned in 2020 and every bit more success that you will continue to have this year. There is no one else I would rather have with me as we make this ~journey through Song of the Rolling Earth together. 

@becassine Bex (Dumpster™ Citizen) — What can I say about my lucky charm? 🍀 I found our friendship later in the year and I feel it was truly central to the way I finished out my year with a bang (lol). Your encouragement to finish Bespoke supercharged me, and I’m still riding that high in writing SoRE. But for every bit we talk about you being the Queen of Hype (Becassine, First of Her Name), I am also stunned by your own gorgeous writing. The Way I Feel For You is a gift to this fandom and it’s gonna keep rocking our world, along with any other creative endeavor you choose to embark on. Thank you for the treasure of your continued friendship.

@darter-blue​ Bec (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My gorgeous, gorgeous cunt of a friend. What ever am I going to do with you? I feel like you and I have clicked so perfectly and so instantly, and I feel such a strong connection to you. I have been enamored with your skill and your style since I first stumbled across your Sergeant Barnes and Colonel Rogers: A Love Story series and then rapidly gobbled up your other writing. Getting to collab with you on No Vacancies was a dream come true. You make me feel so connected to the outside world and humanity even in this bizarre time and even though you’re on the other side of the world.

@kalee60 Kel (Dumpster™ Citizen) — You flawless sass-master. You brilliant human. You tricky little bastard. What a perfect addition to the Dumpster™ you have been! And your talent, Jesus... just being around you makes me want to write. I have truly never seen someone with as much talent write so prolifically, and I am in very real awe of it. If I had to pick “Fic of the Year” for me, I would not hesitate to pick Push The Button—it turned my world upside down—but for as much as we talk about that epic, your AU Extravaganza is really miracle to behold. And I am so, so pumped for you during this exciting time coming up in your life. Here’s to magnificent year for you in 2021!

@andysmountains​ Andy Gator Lord 🐊 — You’ve changed my life. I’m sitting here and I honestly don’t know how else to put it. You’re hilarious and you’re a ball of sunshine and you have kept this breeder feeling rooted to reality (in a great way) and remembering how to smile during some of the shittiest times I can remember. Newts. You’ve helped me explore my identity, and I’m not sure what greater gift you could have given me. Also, I’ve never heard true love whispered more sincerely than when I see 🔪—and I would give you nine hundred and ninety-seven 🔪 now if not for the fact that you have literally beat me to it.  

@ceratonia-siliqua Cera — We’ve shared so much. I feel so privileged that you’ve picked me to be a person that you want to talk to during hard times because you’re such a special guy, and because you’ve got talent that the world needs to see forever and ever and ever (I continue to blown away by what you did in Sunshine, and none of us are ready for Quilt Fic™) and I hope you never stop writing your whole damn heart out. I truly love you. I do. Thank you for reminding me that there is endless humanity and prose in this world.

@howdoyousleep3​ K — I feel like 2021 couldn’t be starting off better now that you’re in my life again. Last year was largely defined for me by the time I spent with you, and I’ve truly been changed by you and your writing. You are an endless amount of inspiration for me and this whole community; I would bet real money that the number of Daddy Kink converts that owe their new *interest* to finding your Daddy Steve Rogers/Baby Bucky Barnes series numbers in the hundreds (not to mention your other AUs). But fics aside, I had so many smiles and laughter throughout 2020 because of you, and I owe such a big part of my happy heart to you and your presence in my life. You have a huge, caring heart. Cheers to Cevans continuing to be a giant, bro-ish man slut and us never stopping giving him shit for it — and here’s to Trucker Bucky and his bug.

@lullabybeauty Bee — I’m not sure I would still be writing if it weren’t for you. The interest you took in my fics and endless support you’ve provided have turned me into a real-life 🥺🥺🥺 face so many times I can’t count them. But more than the hype you provide, you are an amazing person, and I hope you never stop putting (and ceaselessly keeping) the word out in our community through your blog that Black Lives Matter and black women matter now and forever; it’s far too easy for those of us who are white to let that truth fade from our minds when there’s not something terrible happening in the news, and I’m so thankful for your posts filling up my dash with reminders I need to be a good ally and giving me information to share with others. Thank you for the gift of yourself.

@ywecanthavenicethingsanymore Caroline—You sort of swooped out of nowhere for me and boosted my confidence through the roof. Your comments and your hype and your hilarious tags remind me every day that writers are only half of the fanfiction equation; all we do without supportive friends like you is sit in the corner dreaming of stories we don’t have the confidence or feel-good to put to words. Thank you for your constant support and for being so. damn. cool.

@littlesurfergrl Heather—Oh, Heather. Queen of the A+ tags. Sender of inbox updates about what time you get off of work and why you’re vibrating to read a fic. All-around beautiful person. Your love and support is magic in my veins.

@hoeforthegays Baby J—I am so damn excited for this creative project you’ve taken on; you are so talented. I look forward to our thirst talks all the time. You make me laugh with your screaming and even your advice. Such a source of sunshine in my life.

@capbvckyrogers / @tae-withsuga Cam — You were the first person who ever reblogged a farmer daddy post. You were the first person who ever sent me a prompt. Honestly, you were the first person who ever bonded with me over a character. There zero (0) chance I would have enjoyed fandom (or certainly any kind of creative success) the way that I did in 2020 if not for you. Thank you, endlessly. 

@justice-for-plums​ Kenz — Another “late in the year” friendship find that I am so grateful for. I love our talks! I am so thankful you felt comfortable to reach out and talk about writing. Our workshopping has helped remind me of what works and what doesn’t for me, and I love the creative collaboration on head canons! Excited for more in 2021.

Shrunkyclunks Bitches®, or those not mentioned already above: @dreadlockholiday (co-founder of the Bitches® with @justice-for-plums​ and #1 reason I blushed last year), @oh-i-swear-writes​ @wayward-lives​ @allegedlyann and others I either am missing on tumblr or forgetting (but not because I don’t love you) — Here’s to Cap Steve and modern Bucky and 1,000,000+ words written during our writing sprints in 2021. [Bitches® server membership is open by the way! If you love Shrunkyclunks, contact Dready @dreadlockholiday​].

And to the endless list of others who made me smile, laugh, sometimes cry, feel proud, but always feel that incredible Stucky love — a list that includes but is certainly not limited to @fishcustardandclintbarton,​ @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier, @willbakewithstucky, @hannah-stagram​, @thewaythatwerust​, @bigbraiiin, @musette22, @luninosity​, @fandomfluffandfuck​, @maddiewritesstucky​, @hbalbat, @doctorenterprise​, @epicstuckyficrecs, @k347 and the massive important people I know I am forgetting (...like some BIG ones)

To everyone above and anyone else who has scrolled this far:

Thank you.

Let’s all have a fantastic 2021 🥂

[mytrashs-blog]

Drunk On You- T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: SMUTTTTTT. Please do not read this if you’re under 18. The Smutty part is between this signs: [...] so if you want to skip over the smut, you can, but it won’t make much sense. Also... There’s A LOT of swearing.

Summary: You’re a virgin and you’re drunk so you send a risky DM on instagram.

Word Count: Almost 6k... she’s thicc

A/N: I cannot tell you just how much I enjoyed writing this! It started as a 2 am inspiration punch and then it took me three weeks to finish it. It’s my first time writing smut, so I don’t know if that part’s good, but I like it and I really hope you do too. (Please if you do like it, reblog it so it can be read by more and more people).

Masterlist

(Gif isn’t mine and I couldn’t track the author, so credits go to the owner)

Fuck this shit, you’re 22 years old, you’re in college and as much as you enjoy leaving fratboys with blue balls in the middle of a party, you need to get this over with. You’re tired of waiting for the “right guy”, if you keep on doing that you’ll end up virgin for your whole fucking life. But where the fuck can you find a guy that’s not gonna judge you for being a sad, drunk virgin in the middle of a tuesday night? Being drunk and alone at your dorm was pathetic enough…

So you scroll through instagram for a while only to find out there’s no right suitor for the job, but in the heat of the moment you notice that Tom Holland, yes the scrawny white boy that looks 12 and plays Spider-man has just posted a shirtless picture and boy, he does not look 12 anymore. So you slide into his DM’s just for the shit and giggles:

“Hey, Tommy boy!

You probably get millions of DMs like this every second of everyday, but fuck, I just wanted to say that you are extremely hot and I am extremely virgin and I’m also drunk, so I thought I’d write you to ask for a massive favor.

Would you have sex with me just to take my virginity away? Ok, thanks.

Bye!

P.S. I think you’re great in your new film.”

And yes, you did press send to that, but of course you don’t even remember writing it in the first place the next morning while getting ready for your 9am class, so your daily routine goes on as normal.

But then, while you’re making your best effort not to fall asleep while your professor talks about some depressed artist that beat his wife and was super sexist, but was somehow excused because he made some decent poem, you hear the unmistakeable ping of your phone, which can only mean that you got a text, so you go to see it, because that is far less rude than falling asleep during class, but you were surely not ready for what was showing on your phone screen.

All air, and life to be honest, left your body for a second, you double checked, and then triple checked and yes… Tom Holland had wrote you on instagram’s direct messages.

“Holy fuck” you only realize you said that out loud when the three people closest you turn to look at you and shush you, but you’re still in shock and still have not opened the message, but maybe it’s not a great idea to open it in front of everybody, specially your professor, so you figure the bathroom will be the best place to do it.

You lock yourself in a stall and sit down, get your phone out, take a deep breath and open the instagram message. My God, you were not expecting what your screen showed:

“Haha, this is too cool to ignore! I happen to be in your area right now… Give me a call and I’ll make it happen ;)”

And yes, his phone number was there too. The phone number of THE Tom Holland! like… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! What are the odds of him actually reading your DM? And the odds of him replying? And the odds of TOM MOTHERFUCKING HOLLAND agreeing to be your first time?! Someone up there must be having a good laugh.

But it would be rude to chicken out now, right? One does not simply say no to fuck with a Marvel actor. You gotta do it. It's your holy duty. So you reply with a simple “Looking forward to it” and you get your shit together before returning to your class.

You think about texting him while you walk to grab some lunch, but what do you say to a celebrity that agreed to deflower you?… Wait. Holy shit! You’re actually gonna have sex with Tom Holland! He’s super ripped! And you’re gonna see and feel all his bits and pieces… honestly, your panties got a bit damp just thinking about that. This is gonna be fun.

You decide to shoot the text while waiting for your iced coffee. “Hey, it’s (Y/N) from instagram. Are you serious about the thing? If so, when are you available?”

And that’s when the game begins, cause he replied almost instantly and you decided he’s just another fratboy playing around, so you played along.

“I’m dead serious, babe. I can do it tonight.”

“Nice. That’s how I like it… what time are we talking about?”

“9 ish, maybe 10.”

“Gotta give me an hour… also, it would have to be at yours, cause I live in a dorm that I share with another girl.”

“You could ask her to join…”

“Haha. Nah, this is all for me to enjoy.”

“And you will. 9:30 sounds good for you, babe?

“Perfect.”

“I can pick you up. Send me your location and I’ll go there.”

“Nice. I’m liking it already.”

“You’ll like it even more.”

You go about your day with a stupid smile all day, nervous and excited for what’s gonna happen later. Paying attention to class? What is that? Concentrating on your due projects? You don’t know her. All you can do is think about the things that man might do to you later.

Wait… you gotta shave. Also, should you go buy some nice underwear? It overwhelms you how unprepared you are and you run, abandoning everything you had to do that day to go get ready to have sex with a super hot celebrity.

You shaved, exfoliated, bought nice underwear, picked out a sexy outfit, you even tried to work out a little to look a bit more toned for him. You allowed your most extra self to come and shine, and you definetely enjoyed the process.

“What are you getting ready for? It’s wednesday. I doubt there’s any interesting party. Oh God! Do you have a date?” your roomate asked as soon as she saw you posing a skirt for the mirror when she walked in.

“I think so… I don’t know. I’m gonna meet this guy I met on instagram.” She gave you a corncerned look, but you were definetely not gonna tell her the details, that’s extremely private, it’s rude to tell people about celebrities intimate life, even if it’s with you. He didn’t mention anything about keeping it secret, but it would do a lot of harm to freely go around saying that he likes having sex with fans. It would ruin his privacy completely. At least from your part, you can guarantee no one’s ever gonna find out.

True to your word, you sent him your location an hour before the time you arranged and he called you, yes. HE CALLED YOU at 9:30p.m. on the dot to tell you he was outside and it took you a second to process the call, so much that you couldn’t voice anything more than an “Okay”… that basically ruined your super confident text attitude, and this was over the phone, would you even be able to get inside his car? The nervousness really hit you like a truck the second you hung up the phone, and your roomate noticed, but she didn’t say anything.

After taking a few deep breaths and counting to ten trying to calm yourself down, you get your purse and walk down the hallway and the stairs of the dorms and by the time you get to the main door, your legs are shaking like crazy and your palms are a little sweaty, so you gotta calm down again and remind yourself that this man is just a regular human being and that nothing has to happen if you don’t want to. And just like with tequila shots, you stop thinking and just go for it.

As soon as you see the car, you walk confidently towards it, and as he rolls down the window you can see it really is him, but you don’t let his face tear your confidence down, so you slightly smile and get in the car, it’s an extremely fancy car and you’re sure you’ve never set foot in anything this luxurious, honestly there’s no doubt that the seat your ass is resting on right now could easily be worth your entire college tuition and student loans. Okay, maybe that is an exageration, but it sure looks expensive.

“Hey, nice to finally meet you in person… I’m Tom!” he smiles in a polite and friendly matter, and you can see there’s a hint of nervousness in his smile aswell and that eases you a little because it confirms that he’s just as normal as you are.

“I’m (Y/N), pleasure to meet you. Thank you for agreeing to do this. I know it’s super weird and all, and I was definetely not expecting this outcome when I sent that message last night, but I’m grateful regardless…” you’re rambling, but he doesn’t seem to mind, he looks amused even. When you finally stop talking he drives away and you fall into a slightly uncomfortable silence, until he turns the music on and you recognize the song so you start humming along, and he joins, but other than that, there’s not much talking on the way to the apartment he’s staying at temporarily right now.

The place looks expensive, but it’s also very simply decored, it does look a temporary thing, but it also looks like a place where a single chaotic youn man exploded, so there’s empty beer bottles here and there, clothes literally everywhere and dirty dishes in the sink… but it does smell like cologne, very manly aswell… being at his place sets a whole new level of anxiety, because this is just so intimate. You’re inside his little world, his safe space, and even if it’s just for a brief moment you’re just happy that he agreed to do this with you.

“Do you want anything to drink? I have wine, beer and a spare champagne bottle from the other night… or just water. Please make yourself comfortable, sorry about the mess, I really don’t like cleaning.”

“That’s alright… you should see my dorm during finals week, that’s a whole other level of messy, haha… and wine would be great, thanks.” You’re slowly calming down and trying no to overthink about what’s about to happen and forget about the reputation of the man you’re doing it with, because the fact that he’s famous doesn’t mean he’s less human and maybe glorifying him for his job is a little rude from you. So you sit down in the couch, right next to a thrown blue hoodie, hold on a second… this is the one from Spider-Man: Homecoming, the one with the emblem of the highschool, shit, this is a historical piece of clothing for the cinematic world and you’re sitting right next to it. Shit, there goes all the progress you had made in the last fifteen minutes.

When he comes back with two glasses of wine in one hand and the bottle in the other one, you help him put down the stuff safely because he looks so stressed carrying the things and it is a small funny moment, before he sits down right beside you and it becomes impossible to get your words to come out of your mouth. So he takes the lead.

“Listen, I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of predator, okay? I don’t know why I agreed to do this, but it was not to take advantage of you, so if at any point you feel uncomfortable and you don’t wanna do this anymore, you can just tell me and we’ll call this off, okay.” He puts his hand on you knee to reassure you and it does make you feel better, and you relax into your seat  and just nod a little before speaking.

“Thank you” And it comes out like you’re breathing out in relief, and that’s when he leans in to kiss you and you take a deep breath before corresponding and taking the last step to seal your lips together.

Your mind just goes blank and you forget what you were nervous about in the first place, kissing Tom is not that much different than kissing any other guy, except for the fact that his lips are softer than most guys’, but this one does have to take care of himself, it is literally part of his job and it should not be that surprising that a guy takes basic care for his appearance, but it is nice.

[…]

The kiss moves in a nice rythm and his hands start sliding from your knee to your waist and he pulls you closer to him and your hands find their courage and go to the back of his neck and so you’re also pulling him in, and all you want is to have him closer, as close as you can possibly have him, and when his hand moves down to your ass, you take that as the perfect moment to throw your leg over so you can straddle him and now both of Tom’s hands are on your ass and you grab onto his shoulders for leverage, and just because you need to breathe in properly, you let your lips disconnect and you see him beneath you.

His hand comes up to move your hair out of your face and you stare at each others eyes for a second and it doesn’t feel overwhelming anymore, so you smile at him for a brief moment, but being apart from his lips feels terrible right now so you lean back in and his hand is in your head and he’s pushing you closer to him, and your hands just slide down to his chest, you play with the chain he has on for a second and he smiles into the kiss, but then you move your attention to the buttons of his shirt and start undoing them.

You take your lips to his neck and he becomes super responsive, you find his sensitive spot quite quickly and he moves you closer to him so you feel his lenght rubbing against your core and it makes you go undo the buttons faster, before you know it he’s taking the shirt off and throwing it to the floor, when his hands are free, he takes advantage and lifts your blouse and you put your arms up to give him easy access. You’re glad you rush bought that set of nice underwear, because Tom’s eyes visibly fill with lust at the sight of the barely there lacy piece covering your breasts.

He touches your chest ever so lightly it gives you goosebumps, he traces a path to your breasts but he stops right before getting to them “Can I?” he whispers, looking straight into your eyes, and there’s something so sexy about him seeking your explicit consent, it makes your panties a little wetter, you nod lightly and he goes ahead, tracing the shape of your breasts with his fingers, like he wants to get familiar with them, he takes one of your nipples between his fingers and applies a little preasure on it, and then on the other one, he’s taking his sweet time before cupping them and pressing his lips in the space between them, and your hands respond to that by taking his hair and pulling lightly and he moans into your skin and it makes you shiver.

He keeps leaving wet kisses on your nipples and sucking on sensitive spots and you can swear it will leave marks, but who cares, you’re just over the moon with everything that’s happening and you just want more and more. He takes one hand to your ass again and he holds it tightly, using the other hand he slides to the edge of the couch and just like it’s nothing heavier than an empty box, he stands up, and you gasp because frankly you were not expecting it, he laughs a little and gives you a reassuring smile.

“I just thought we’ll be more comfortable in my room.”

“Okay, then.” You find it so odd that he’s so unbothered while carrying your full weight, like you’re not exactly the lightest woman in the world, but you won’t deny that being so close and personal to his biceps like this, it’s something you could get used to.

He takes you up the stairs, and along the corridor, once you reach the door, he turns the knob but decides to kick the door rather than opening it like a normal person, but you can’t complain because every moves looks hotter than the previous, and when he lays you down on his bed and stays hovering above you, you just can’t handle it and you kiss him again, your legs hug around his bum to bring him closer where you need him and he takes the hint, he pushes your skirt to your stomach and before he does anything else, his seeks your consent “Is this okay?” he asks, “Yes.” you say loud and clear and he rubs his fingers on your core, and it feels good, but your panties feel like a concrete wall, you just need to feel his fingers, his everything all over your body, so you arch your back and unzip the skirt and he pulls it down and throws it to a corner of the room.

He takes a second to look at you in just your underwear and you feel exposed, but he’s looking at you like you’re some sort of Goddess, he kicks his shoes off and goes to undo the button of his jeans, and it looks so slow and you need him now but you watch him and when he slides down the jeans and you can make out the shape of his member. You feel a little overwhelmed with the view in front of you, and you take a moment to take it all in. His face is crowned by (now) very messy curls, his eyes that used to be brown are practically pitch black by both the dim lighting and lust, there’s freckles all over his nose and cheeks, but they’re barely noticeable, his jawline is the most defined you’ve ever been near to, but even though there are a lot of strong features in his face, he looks almost childish and innocent… until you drop your eyes to his chest, that is.

Every single muscle in his chest has some sort of definition, he’s not as ripped as in the movies, but then again, he’s not super dehydrated and over exercised right now, and he still looks more muscular than any guy you know, his abs are defined, there’s a visible V marking the path from his hips to his member and it is stupidly making your mouth water. He has black Calvin Kleins still on, but that’s the last piece of clothing he has on, and the anticipation is killing you.

He takes you by the ankles an pulls you closer to the edge of the bed and he spreads your legs open and gives you a devilish smile before leaning back in to give you a quick yet intense kiss on the lips and he slides down to your neck and chest again, but he keeps making his way down your body towards your bellybutton and it gives you goosebumps everytime he gives you even a peck or a light touch, you’re shivering with every touch.

“Relax, love… if you want me to stop you can just say it, okay?” He says looking up at you and you nod, you breathe in to calm your nerves down, he waits for you, when you’re finally ready you nod at him again, he gives your waist a light squeeze, smiles at you and places a kiss to your stomach and keeps kissing you lower, until one of his hands goes to your thigh while the other teases the waistband of your panties, hooking one finger on it, he starts pulling it down painfully slowly, you lift your bum to make it easier for your panties to leave your body, once Tom strecthes them to throw them to some part of the room, you sit up to take off your bra and he looks intently at you while you do it, so you smile and lock your eyes to his just to make it more interesting, and you also take your sweet time unclasping the clips, and Tom starts to get impatient, you can see it in his smile, but you enjoy playing with him so even when you do unclasp both clips, you keep the piece on and he puts his hands on his hair in exasperation and you just laugh, enjoying this small moment of being the one in charge, but you give in and take the lacy bra off and throw it to him, he catches it and throws it to the side.

You’re completely naked in his bed and he’s taking the view in. “You’re very beautiful, you know?” he says and you feel the blush creep up to your cheeks, but you smile and thank him regardless, he smiles back and leans back down, he kisses one of your thighs and then the other one, before he does anything else he looks up at you, once again looking for any signs of hesitation “Are you sure you want this?” he asks from his position and when you nod, he dives in.

He presses a light kiss into your folds and you immediately feel electricity emmiting from your core. Needless to say it’s your first time recieving an oral, every sensation is new, you can’t even tell if he’s good at this or not, but for you, it feels like the best sensation in the world, his tongue dances over your clit and you just grasp the sheets for dear life and when he sucks on it you swear you could come right there, but you manage to hold it for a little longer and he keeps going, it doesn’t take long for him to introduce one finger inside, the moan you let out is just obscene and he seems to love it, because he moans too but the vibrations that it sent to your clit make you lose it and you come yelling his name like your life depends on it and he guides you through your first orgasm of the night with his mouth and finger still pumping in and out.

“You’re dripping wet, you know that?” He tells you once you’ve calmed down and have regained your ability to function like a human being, you smile at him, trying to speak, but that function has not come back yet. He kisses you in the mouth and you can taste yourself in his mouth, you start relaxing into the kiss, and he starts tracing gentle circles on the skin of your stomach and you turn your body so can be face to face and your leg happens to feel his dick, and it feels impossibly hard, so you try to relieve the pressure by stroking it with your hand, but when you get your hand down his waistband, Tom stops you “If you touch me now, I’ll be the biggest dissapointment of your life.”

“You forget that I’m a virgin… I have nothing to compare you to.”

“Still… I’ve got my pride.” he finishes as he gets up and rumbles in a drawer of his nightstand, he finds the condom and shows it to you. “Do you want to do this?”

You take a deep breath, there’s nothing you want more than do it right now, but it sure makes you nervous, still you give him verbal consent “Yes, I do.”

That’s all he needs, he stands up completely and takes his underwear off, it happens quite fast, but you do get to apreciate his dick in full exposure, not that you’d know, but it sure looks like it’s gonna be hard to fit that inside of you, and you panic a little and Tom notices and chuckles while he slides the condom on, “It’s gonna be alright, I’ll make sure of it.”

He crawls back to the bed and hovers above you, his hand go to your core again and he slowly introduces one finger into you and starts pumping in and out slowly, he stays looking in your eyes, watching your every reaction, you’re moaning slightly, when he notices that you’ve gotten used to the sensation, he adds another digit and the pressure feels uncomfortable, but he notices so he waits for you to get used to the feeling before he starts pumping it, you bite your lip as you enjoy his movements, moans coming out of your mouth to the rythm of his fingers, when he starts stretching you by doing scissor motions with his fingers, the feeling increases and it is a lot more intense so you hold onto his arm, he’s still looking at you, wanting to be sure that you’re okay and staying alert to see any signs of discomfort in you, but you like it so much.

He takes his fingers out and the emptiness is just overwhelming, but when you see that he’s trying to align himself to your entry, you relax and stress at the same time. This is real. It’s gonna happen. Actually it’s happening at this moment. He looks at you again and lifts his eyebrows in question, you nod lightly and you hold on to his forearm and his neck in preparation. He pushes slowly in, it hurts a little but it’s not that bad, Tom sees you wincing and stops, waiting for you to get used to the new feeling, when you do, he keeps pushing a little. The rythm goes like that until he’s fully in.

You can see he’s having a hard time trying not to hurt you, it’s clear that he just wants to go for it, but you’re grateful he’s containing himself while you get used to the feeling of being so full right now, when you’re ready, you nod at him and he pulls slightly out, waits for you, and pushes back in. The rythm is slow at first for you to get used to it. At first it feels like too much, but the more he thrusts into you, it starts being not enough.

His grunts and moans sound heavinly to your ears, and whenever you are brave enough to just open your eyes and see him, his face is just so beautiful, he has a frown in his face out of concentration and self control, you’re admiring him when he opens his eyes and they meet yours, it’s such an intimate moment, it makes you blush a little bit, you caress his cheek and hair, interlocking your fingers in his curly locks, he lets out a soft moan in pleasure.

The pace gets faster and stronger and you’re getting closer to your high with every thrust, he’s hitting a point inside of you that you didn’t even know existed and it’s a whole new level of pleasure, it’s even making you feel like the world is spinning, you grab onto his back and scratch as you try to keep it together, he moans loudly and stops and pulls out suddenly.

“Get on all fours for me, love.” he tells you and you comply, he pulls you closer to the edge of the bed so he can fuck you while standing up off the bed, you try to arch your back to give him better access, he slides in easier now, and the sensation changes completely, he’s hitting another point that feels even better in this angle, the pleasure doesn’t let you stay stable and your arms can’t keep you up, so you press your face to a pillow and you can’t stop moaning his name, your high creeping up from your stomach once again.

“T- Tom… I think I’m gonna…”

“Wait for me, darling, I’m right there with you.”

His thrusts become sloppy and arythmic, he goes faster, his grunts louder with each thrust, your names falls from his mouth a lot more now, and his is the only word you can say at this point. You come first with an incredibly loud moan of his name. The feeling of you reaching your orgasm around his dick is enough to send him over the edge too, your name being dropped with a loud grunt, he squeezes your breast and rests his head on your back when he comes down from his high, both of you panting. You stay like that for a moment, but then Tom pulls out and goes to the bathroom to dispose of the condom.

[…]

You lay in the bed completely naked, but you do feel more exposed now that the moment’s over, so you cover up with a pillow and think about what just happened, relishing on how good it was, you figure this was the best idea you’ve had in a while, even if the most ridiculous but it worked out pretty well.

Tom comes back soon after and hands you a water bottle (because he apparently just keeps water bottles in his bathroom), you thank him and he lays in the bed with you. “How was that?” he asks you in some worried matter, like his whole career depended on your answer, you look at him and smile at him like he’s crazy, you had two orgasms, isn’t that enough proof that you liked it? when the anxiety becomes aparent in his face, you give him the verbal confirmation. “Of course I did, wasn’t it obvious?” you say while trying to hide your face, he takes your arms to stop you from doing so.

“Y/N! Don’t hide! It was actually really good for me too, and I’m happy you had a good first time, it’s cool.”

You smile at him bigger now, getting more comfortable now, and he leans to leave a kiss on your forehead, and you lay there just chilling for a while. Checking the clock in Tom’s bedside table you realize it’s almost 2 in the morning, you haven’t talked about this, but you think it’s not a good idea to stay the night, maybe he has things to do tomorrow, and you do have a class at 9, so you start to get up to recolect your clothes.

“Where are you going?” Tom asks in a whiny tone, he was right about to fall asleep before you got up.

“I think it’s time for me to leave, it’s quite late and I’ve got class tomorrow.” you reply with a slightly sad tone, just for the drama.

“You don’t have to go. There’s no way I’m letting you take an uber and I’m too lazy to get up and drive you… so stay, I promise I’ll take you to your front door tomorrow morning, alright?” also, he gives you mad puppy eyes to convince you, but you still move around the room trying to find your underwear, just to not be naked anymore.

“Okay, just let me put some clothes back on, cause this is weird.”

“Can you throw me my underwear, please?”

“Yeah, just let me try and find them.” You throw them at him once you find them among the mess and they land straight in his face, you just gotta laugh at it and he just rolls his eyes at you and puts the thing on jokingly bitching about you being rude to him and you just laugh at him while you walk back to the bed.

At some point, Tom goes to retrieve your clothes and the wine from the living room while you just scroll through your phone absent mindedly, you half read the tweets and just ignore the instagram posts you see until he gets back and gives you your barely touched glass of wine and lays back down next to you.

You stay there for a while just talking and drinking, actually getting to know each other, you tell him about your major in college, how hard it gets sometimes, and you even tell him about why you had never had sex before. He tells you about his work, his family, the things he wants to do next… he does tell you a little tiny spoiler of the future of Marvel, which you had to swear you wouldn’t reveal to anyone ever and it would be a secret you take to your graveyard. It’s a nice pillow talk, you’re laying in the bed, facing each other, his hand is lazily resting on your waist, yours playing with the chain on his neck. This is likely even more intimate than the sex itself, and it’s nice.

When you do finally fall asleep, is in that position. Wine bottle completely empty in the floor, clothes laying around, only sound in the room being the light snores of Tom and heavy sleep breathing. You’re extremely comfortable and relaxed, long forgotten how nervous you were before this happened. You could get used to this.

Your slumber is ruined when the alarm goes off at half 7 in the morning, you feel tired, but you get your clothes back on anyway, Tom takes a little longer to fully wake up, but he keeps his promise and throws a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt, he also throws a hat on just to not deal with his morning/sex hair, for the same reason, you also just put your hair in a messy bun.

He actually parks the car and walks you back to your dorm, it’s quite early, but there is some people around the hallways anyways and it makes you a bit anxious thinking you might get him in trouble if he does get recognized, but he seems relaxed and unbothered about it anyway.

“I had a lot of fun. It was really nice to get to know you… call me up if you ever want to do this again, okay?” he tells you with his hands stuck in his pockets, it makes you smile how cute he looks.

“Thank you, Tom. I really enjoyed it… thanks for not being weird about this whole thing.”

“That’s alright. Okay, take care and don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Okay.” He gives you a last kiss on the cheek before you get inside your dorm to get ready for class, and he goes back home, and that is it.

Months go by without you ever talking to or about Tom, you just assumed that was the end of everything you lived with him and it is a lovely and super hot thing to remember, but there's nothing more to it.

Bing

Your phone goes off in the middle of the night. You were studying, so you weren't talking to anyone. As you check the notification, you freeze just like you did the first time you saw his name on your screen.

"Hey! I'm in your town! What are you up to?"

-

Tagging some people to avoid the flop:

@caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd

[starstruckkittensweets]

Hi guys ❤️ So... it’s been a while, hasn’t it? 😅

I feel like I should preface this long note by apologizing for my absence for the past few weeks (closer to months at this point). I didn’t expect to stay away from this site for so long, but with everything going on in my life right now I couldn’t really enjoy it and the awesome people here like I used to. I’ll explain more down below—I don’t want to clog up your dashes with some of Star’s silly rambling! 😅

First off, a lot has been happening to me. Personal issues, family drama, less-than-stellar job interviews, etc. A few weeks ago, I thought I would be in a much different place than I currently am. I overestimated some of my choices and now I’m getting used to a Plan B, if that makes sense. On top of that, I’m slowly adjusting to life back at home with my parents, after 4-ish years of living on my own. I don’t have free space or time like I used to have, and it’s a weird thing to get used to.

For the past few weeks, every time I try to come back to this site, I feel guilty. It’s like that little voice in my head is reminding me that I haven’t talked to my followers, I haven’t posted anything in a while, I haven’t reblogged or shared anything, etc. You stay away from Tumblr for one day, which turns into two—and before you know it, you’re gone for a whole month without even saying anything to your followers.

I feel bad not interacting with my mutuals and followers and the rest of my friends either on here or on Discord, because you guys are literally the best! I couldn’t have asked for a better bunch of friends on this strange website! Each and every one of you is incredibly important to me, and your love and support always brings me to tears. And that’s why I felt awkward coming back here, without even so much as a “I’ll be on hiatus.” I just kinda dropped you guys, and I’m really sorry for that.

The stress I’ve been dealing with also comes from putting too many projects on myself at once. I mentioned this in my AWWW note forever and a half ago, but I took on way too much over the summer, when I just started working again. I had a Kinktober lineup all ready to go, but I haven’t even touched it to this day. I have about 1-2 multi-chapter fics in the works but I haven’t shared them out yet. It feels incredibly weird because I’m working on 1,001 things, and yet I have nothing to show for it on this site. I guess I’m just a really slow writer 😅

So I’m going to try to be better. I’m going to be a little more active on this site and start posting updates and new fics. I have a couple fics written originally for Kinktober that I think will work as stand-alone fics once I tweak them a little bit, as well as a couple collab fics for the upcoming new year. I also have another part of AWWW and Peace and Quiet in the works when I’m not too busy, and right now, my main “passion project” (next to AWWW) is an AoT/SAO “crossover” with some of my AWWW characters. I’m extremely eager to start writing this one out, since it serves as a love letter to both AWWW and SAO (with a little appreciation for AoT sprinkled in)!

But again, I don’t want to put too much on myself. I still have a few Summer Romance fics to read and reblog so look forward to that! To all of my wonderful friends and followers: thank you so very much for sticking with me! I really hope I’ll be able to talk with you all soon and start posting like I used to. I love you all so much! ❤️💞❤️💞❤️

-Star ⭐️

[pebblysand]

[SEPTEMBER ‘21] - THE LIFE/WRITING UPDATE NO ONE ASKED FOR (AND SOME QUICK LINKS)

well, hello hello, welcome, it is september first and hogwarts is back in session, haha! where’s your letter, did you get it? i hope so!

in true gryffindor fashion, i’m a summer person. i like parties, the beach and hot weather, so i’m currently working hard, trying to delay the inevitable return of autumn and the dreaded back-to-school mood by staying in sunny southern france for a few more days. i’ll be back in dublin on saturday where, as per usual, rain has been scheduled to occur upon my return lol.

Anyway, before diving into more life/writing updates, here are some quick links to different blog pages you might not see on mobile :

to read my fics [updated]

to read my original work

fic recs

to read my tumblr rants about stuff

[NOTE: i am currently not accepting prompts. i already have a backlog, folks.]

Castles (chap 9) ETA: optimistic? 19 September. realistic? october.

links extended a/n-s: chapter v ; chapter vi & vii ; chapter viii

[more life/writing updates under the cut]

what i’m reading:

i’m actually quite happy with my book reading this month. i read a friend’s short-ish (27k) story, as well as two full books, and started a third. i wanted my holidays to be a time of catching up with missed reading opportunities, and it definitely was.

first, i read three rooms by jo hamya. i picked this one up because it was recommended by my bookshop, was written by a BAME author, marketed as a ‘millenial’ literary fiction novel which i’m always a sucker for, and the cover looked intriguing. the story is that of an unnamed narrator in her early/mid-twenties, navigating the end of her masters degree and her first job in london. to be honest, as i previously said in another post, i don’t particularly fancy myself as a book critic so i don’t really like to say negative things about the books i read. as an author, i know how hard things can hurt when people are talking about your writing sort-of behind your back and i’m always paranoid that the author might one day see what i’ve written, lol. this being said, what i will say about this book is that while not bad, it wasn’t really a fit for me. the writing is very good, crisp and quick just the way i like it (though if you get irritated by the current trend of not using quotation marks for dialogue, you might get irritated by this), but i just found it hard to relate to the characters. i think you will like this if you like books that are more about their setting and their world rather than plot or character. the author is really good at describing current britain, life in london, the book is brilliant at describing the millennial ‘world’ of social media, politics, etc. but its main character seems to just aimlessly float through her life without any sense of self or purpose, which i personally found very frustrating. the book addresses issues of class, poverty, temp contracts, housing prices, discrimination but it feels very much like a matter-of-fact statement rather than an actual argument to change things. the other characters are mildly more purposeful but very single-purpose and while the novel is interesting but it didn’t really make me feel anything beyond an intense desire to grab the narrator by the shoulders and scream: do something! three stars.

then, i read incendiary by chris cleave. full review here. this book is just unreal and the best fiction i’ve read in close to a year. if i could give ten stars i would.

i’ve now started an american marriage by tayari jones. unless you’ve been living under a rock, this has probably been recommended to you a billion times already, but what can i say, i’m always late lol. i’m only about 100 pages in but seems promising.

in terms of fanfic, i honestly haven’t read much bar this one fantastic spooks au of which i really wish there was more of. i have trolled all of livejournal and dreamwidth to find the rest and came up empty. tragic.

what i’m writing:

funny how the girl on a writing break still managed to put out circ. 9,000 words in a month, lol. granted, pick me choose me love me was written in july, but still.

this being said, i do feel like i took time off and i do feel way better than i did back in july. looking back, i was exhausted and burnt out and felt like i was mostly writing to fulfill people’s expectations, rather than to make me happy. i’m now feeling much more confident with my words. the story that i did write this month was a self-indulgent bit of fun because it was written for a fandom no one cares about, and rather liberating, if i’m honest. i think i needed to write something for me and my audience of three again, and it was great. i genuinely love that story. i do think that if you want to give it a try, it might be one of those that can be read without having watched the show in question because it’s about a side character so a lot of what’s in there is original rather than show-related. if you do want to read it, it’s here: listening to that angel choir.

in terms of upcoming projects, i’m happy to announce that i’m actually excited to get back to castles, which is exactly what i wanted this break to achieve. i’m waiting until i get back to dublin to get back to work but i’m ready to dive back in and honestly can’t wait. as i said above the cut, i would love to put it on the 19th September but i’m not sure that i’ll manage to whip out next chapter this quickly. it’s not unheard of, so we shall see. also, castles is turning a year old on 16 sep, which is absolutely fucking insane. i certainly did not think it would be this massive of a project when i undertook it, lol. the numbers on it both in terms of wordcount and appreciation/hits give me vertigo so i try not to look at them but honestly, i can’t thank you all enough. i know i always say this but i come from very small audiences and fandoms and the amount of love i’ve been getting this past year thanks to all of you has meant the world. thank you.

in terms of one shots, i’ll be mostly focusing on castles this month, so i probably won’t write anything else. this being said, for those of your on tumblr, just be aware that you might see me repost some of the tumblr ficlets that i posted on tumblr these past few months on ao3 soon-ish. i initially decided to keep them on tumblr alone because they were too short but i’ve been having anxiety about tumblr collapsing and these things disappearing into the ether. so, don’t be alarmed, they should be the same, just reposted.

what i’m doing:

honestly, this month has been amazing, especially the past three weeks. i’ve been able to relax, see family & friends, went hiking, had my birthday, hired a boat - it’s been fab. as alluded to before, i’ve also been having fun rewatching spooks, which is definitely a series worth watching, even ten years after it ended. i find it even more fascinating in light of what is going on in afghanistan at the moment, and of course the presence in the show of rupert penry-jones whom i think every straight woman with a pulse fancies, is an added bonus.

anyway, i hope you’re all doing well. see you next month for pumpkin spice lattes (yeah, look, i’m a basic white girl) and the beginning of my seasonal depression.

lots of love,

pebblysand.

[bokutos-eyebrows]

It’s a Match! pt 2

Part two of my asahi college au <3 Read Part 1 here

Asahi Azumane x Fem!Reader

College AU

Warnings: light cursing

Word Count: 2,099

You finally come in contact with the tall, long haired, cutie in your class! Will the conversation be as good offline as it is over text?

Hey stranger, how’s your spring break going :)

You stared at the tinder message from Asahi in complete shock. There was no way this was actually happening. 12 minutes had passed since he sent the message and you scrambled to find the words to text him back. 

It’s going a lot better now :3 I hope you’ve been enjoying the time off!

You cringed at your message as you read it over but decided to be bold(ish). I mean worst case scenario he gets creeped out, unmatches me, and I drop out of school out of pure embarrassment right? You hit send and tossed your phone down onto your bed, dancing around out of excitement and anxiety to see how the situation played out. 

Hahaha! That’s good to hear. :D I stayed on campus to work on some projects I really needed to finish.

Asahi had texted you back immediately, causing you to nearly choke on your own spit out of excitement. The conversation was flowing super naturally. He told you about his major and what classes he was taking. You found out he shared your passion for manga and anime, even having some of the same favorite series. 

Before you knew it, it was nearly dinner time, and you had been chatting with Asahi the entire day. You wondered what to make when you saw his latest message.

Hey, since we both dorm, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place for dinner? No pressure or anything :) I’m cooking carbonara and flatbread!

You froze in panic. A date with Asahi? Well not necessarily a date just hanging out over dinner but still.. Before you lost your sudden burst of confidence, your fingers started typing frantically.

Wow that sounds amazing I would love to :)) What time should I come?

It’s getting darker out so I’ll come pick you up and walk you to my building around 7 if that works with you? Also do you have any dietary restrictions I should know? :) 

You smiled at your phone. “HOW IS THIS MAN SO CUTE?!?!? AND RESPECTFULLLLL!” you yelled out loud while typing up a response to your soon to be date. You had an hour and a half to get ready and while it felt like an eternity, it also felt like not nearly enough time.

You tried on multiple outfits, stressed about whether you were under or over dressed for the occasion. Finally, you settled for a pair of tight, ripped, light wash jeans, a form fitting floral top, and your favorite oversized cardigan. As you put the finishing touches on your hair and makeup, your phone lights up with a new tinder message.

I’m outside your building! I didn’t want to cause a disturbance by coming in or knocking! Take your time to come out :)

Your heart swelled as you read the text. He is such a considerate and kind person I can’t believe this is even happening! You told your roommates where you were headed and stepped out to meet Asahi. 

“Y/n!” He waved to you, flashing you a smile, “It’s so nice to see you!” He was dressed in a fitted pair of dark denim jeans and cream turtleneck sweater, with his hair up in a loose bun. It took all your self control not to blurt out every compliment that was going through your mind.

“Hi Asahi!” You shared a semi awkward hug. “Thanks for coming to pick me up!”

“Of course! It may be a short walk but, I’d prefer making sure you were safe!” He was beaming, “I really like your outfit!” 

You blushed slightly, “Thank you! I actually really like yours too! But that’s such a compliment coming from you Mr. Fashion Designer!” The two of you continued with the light banter until you made it to Asahi’s dorm apartment. 

“My rowdier roommate, Nishinoya went home for the break, so it’s only me, Daichi, and Sugawara, my two good friends, here tonight.” Asahi mentioned as he unlocked the door and held it open for you.

“DAICHI THEY’RE HERE.” You heard a yell in the apartment as a gray haired boy came running to the front door to greet you. “Oh my god she’s even prettier than the pictures.” He blurted out.

“Suga, please shut up.” Another boy appeared behind Sugawara. “Hi y/n, I’m Daichi! Please ignore this idiot.” 

You laughed as Daichi scolded Suga and turned to Asahi. “So I take it you showed them my profile?” You smirked, silently enjoying making the 6’2, soft boy squirm. 

“W-Well it’s more like they took my phone and looked for themselves.” He stammered. 

Sugawara covered his mouth with his hands to hide his laughter as an annoyed Daichi dragged him back away with an “It was nice meeting you, have fun!” And you were left to enjoy your dinner date.

Asahi plated the meal beautifully. Jesus he’s hot, respectful, and can cook?!? You mused to yourself while taking a picture of his carbonara and flatbread dish. “This is going on instagram.” You stated, your seriousness making Asahi laugh.

“I’m honored, y/n.” He smiled, “I didn’t know if you drank alcohol so I didn’t get a wine to pair or anything but help yourself to anything in the fridge!”

“Actually I make really good margaritas!” You light up suddenly feeling bold, “If you want, you can come to my place tomorrow and have drinks with me!” 

Asahi’s cheeks were tinted pink at the prospect of seeing you a second night in a row. “If it’s not a bother I would love to, y/n.”

The two of you continued dinner, chatting away about your hobbies and interests. Neither of you mentioned the elephant in the room; your shared class and the incidents of the previous class meetings but you didn’t mind. That was a chat for another day. 

After you ate, Asahi suggested you both move to the balcony to enjoy the starry night sky while you chat. You still couldn't believe you were really in his apartment, on a casual date with the man you’d been ogling all semester. 

“You’re really cute, y/n. I hope that’s not too forward.” Asahi giggled after you had said something that made him burst out in laughter. You beamed at him, “You’re really cute too, Asahi. I’ve always thought so.” 

He scooted closer to you so your shoulders were touching as you continued your conversation. Occasionally he would grab your hand and play with your fingers. The night grew colder so you made your way inside. It was approaching midnight but you were hoping the night wasn’t over for you and Asahi yet.

“Do you want to start a new anime together? We have some common ones on our watchlists.” Asahi sat on the couch and patted the seat next to him. You purposefully sat as close as possible, thighs touching Asahi’s. “Yeah! That sounds good!” 

The two of you decided on an anime that was currently airing, there were only 5 episodes out so far. Asahi put his arm up on the top of the couch behind you, avoiding actually putting his arm around you. He’s so sweet. You mused, leaning into him as if to give your permission to hold you. Asahi smiled and draped his arm around your shoulders. The two of you stayed like this snuggled up, your hand intertwined with his. 

Asahi absentmindedly rubbed your hand with his thumb rhythmically as he focused on the episode. You felt him squeeze your hand when the action scenes got intense. God, he’s so adorable. 

The night crept on and you found yourself getting sleepy, your head nodding off on Asahi’s shoulder. You felt Asahi’s warm hand cup your cheek.

“Y/n,” he whispered gently, “I’m sorry to wake you,”

“Hmm?” You sat up, slightly embarrassed that you’d dozed off.

“I paused the show when you fell asleep so you wouldn’t be lost next time we watch!” Asahi laughed, “It’s getting late and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable like I trapped you here or anything.... I also was worried your neck would get sore if you slept like that too long, I’m sorry..”

“Thank you for caring so much, Asahi,” you hugged his side, “I appreciate you, I’ll get going now so I can sleep and have enough time to prepare our date tomorrow.” You stretched your arms. Oh shit did I just call it a date? You started to panic.

“I’ll walk you back to your dorm, let me get you one of my jackets, it’s really cold out! I can’t have you getting sick before our second date.” Asahi squeezed you reassuringly and went to fetch the extra coat. You looked at your phone. It read 2:39 A.M. Time had gone by so much faster than you’d realized. It had felt like you and Asahi were in your own little world the entire night. 

Asahi returned with a black fleece sweater, blushing as you put it on over your outfit. “Y-You look really cute in my jacket.” He stammered, causing you to giggle at this cute flustered mess.

“Thank you for lending it to me!” You smiled and grabbed his hand. The two of you walked out quietly, so as to not disturb Suga or Daichi. Though the walk to your dorm building was short, you enjoyed every second of it.

Asahi stayed close to you to share warmth, finders intertwined with yours. You walked slowly to be able to spend more time with him, even if it was just seconds extra. He walked you all the way to the door of your dorm apartment. 

“Thank you again for walking me, you really didn’t have to.” 

“It’s late, and I wanted to make sure you made it home safely,” Asahi put his hand on the back of his neck, “And I wanted to spend a little more time with you, too.” He confessed.

You beamed at him, “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, or should I say later today.” You laughed.

“I’m looking forward to it too. I also was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“Could I have your phone number? I don’t really use tinder often, you’re the only person I talked to on there...so I figure...it would be easier...if we just texted?” Asahi blushed.

“You’re the only person I’m talking to on Tinder too,” You confessed, “I actually only made the account to try to find you. I hope that’s not weird?” 

“That’s a relief!” Asahi sighed happily, “I actually did the same thing. I didn’t know how else to approach you!”

You both laughed at your mutual awkwardness and exchanged phone numbers before Asahi took his leave for the night.

“Goodnight, y/n. I’ll see you later” Asahi pulled you into a tight hug. You breathed in his scent, enjoying the warmth his strong arms engulfed you in.

“Text me when you get back to your place okay?” You mumbled as you reluctantly let him go.

The two of you parted ways and you were greeted by your worried roommates.

“We were worried about you!”

“Y/n we were 10 minutes away from calling the police! Next time, text us!”

You giggled at them and proceeded to recount the events of the night. A few minutes went by before your phone buzzed with a text.

 I’m so happy we both swiped right :)

✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾

 Asahi closed his apartment door quietly behind him, leaning back against it and sighing happily. His moment of silent bliss was soon interrupted by the loud patter of footsteps running towards him.

“ASAHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” Suga yelled at the top of his lungs, Daichi chasing behind him. “Tell. Us. Everything.” 

Asahi jumped, spooked by the sudden yelling. “I could see you spying from the hallway, Suga.” He laughed, “I’m sure you know most of what happened.”

Daichi groaned. “Suga I told you not to do that...” he scolded.

“Okay but I know something must have happened when you walked her home right?? A kiss maybeee???” Sugawara prodded eagerly. 

“N-No I’m not a creep!” Asahi stammered. “But I did ask her for her phone number...and we both confessed we only talked to each other on tinder.....and she told me she only made her account to find me....” the long haired male mumbled.

“yeSSSSSSSSSS!” Sugawara yelled, earning a smack from Daichi.

“Well, it seems you two are a match made in heaven. I’m happy for you Asahi!” Daichi exclaimed, patting his friend on the back.

“Yeah, I think we make a good match too.” Asahi beamed.

NOTES: Thank you so so much for reading! Part 3 will come in the next few days! I hope u love Asahi as much as I do!

Tag List: @yeet-these-hoez

[captain-of-the-historicfuture]

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

[wake-up-and]

EPIK Orientation

Good morning my beautiful rays of sunshine! ☀️

As a quick disclaimer, this was written soon after I finished orientation but I posted this (and all other Korvia/EPIK related posts) afterwards because 1) I’m not sure if I’m allowed to disclose any of the information I received and 2) I want to be able to answer any questions you all may have and I want to answer them fully and to the best of my abilities and I can’t really do that if I’m halfway through the process.

Because I applied to EPIK through Korvia, Korvia has a shuttle from the hotel to EPIK orientation. EPIK has their own shuttles from the airport to orientation. Once I got to the orientation location, which was Konkuk University (Global Campus), we got into lines to get our little orientation bag with goodies (a water bottle and pen), some snacks, our orientation manual, name tags, and keys to our rooms. The roommate situation is completely random but they’re just passing out keys to whoever’s next in line so expect it to be the person before or after you.

EPIK orientation is an 8-day orientation with day 1 and day 8 being moving in and out days. Day 1 is also the campus tour, opening ceremony, and welcome dinner. On your name tag, you’ll find your class on it (e.g., Class 1-A, 1-B, 2-A, 2-B). This will determine your lecture schedule for the rest of the orientation. Expect about four (4) lectures a day. Each lecture is about an hour and a half long. You’ll be in lectures pretty much all day from 9:00am to 5:30pm with breaks into between lectures and for lunch.

A big project that will happen during orientation is the Lesson Demonstration. This is where you’ll be assigned a group, a grade level, and lesson topic and have to come up with a lesson plan, materials and demonstrate the lesson in front of your class. I was in a group with two other ladies and we had high school grade 1 (so 10th grade US equivalent) and the topic was “Travel: Discover the Unexpected.” They will give you the textbook chapter to work with.

From this point, I’ll be telling you my intake’s schedule. The lectures may have changed or the order of certain things may have changed but the main idea is still there.

Day 1: Registration, Class Meeting, Opening Ceremony, Welcome Dinner

This was a simple day. Just moving into your rooms, getting information packets, campus tours, and basic orientation stuff.

Day 2: Medical Check-Up, Class Meeting, Korean History & Culture, EPIK Duties & Regulations

Medical Check-Up: There’s 9 tests that you have to go through: weight/height, eye exam, blood pressure, hearing & color test, medical interview, blood test, urine test, and x-ray. The blood test is the hardest for some people just ‘cause people don’t fair well with needles or having their blood drawn. 

Class Meeting: Here you’ll learn more about orientation like scheduling and some rules. You’ll learn a little bit more about the field that’s happening later, you’ll be placed in your groups for the lesson demonstration and you’ll get to elect a class leader.

Then you have two lectures: Korean History & Culture and EPIK Duties & Regulations.

Day 3: After School Classes & Vacation Camps, Lesson Planning I, Lesson Planning II, Lesson Observation

This day is a day of lectures. Lesson Observation is one you’ll get to see a NET (Native English Teacher) and KET (Korean English Teacher) teach a mini lesson just to kinda see what a normal class would look like, how co-teaching works, etc.

Day 4: Classroom Management, Cooperative Learning, Storytelling, Korean Class

Again, lectures. Korean Class is actually divided into three lessons: Survival Korean, Tour of Korea, and Learning KPOP Song. You have to pick one. I ended up in Survival Korean but it’s literally just the basics like “hello,” “thank you,” numbers...yeah, things like that.

Day 5: Field Trip

For our field trip, you could between traditional music instruments or takkyeon and making natural dyeing & Korean traditional ornaments or rowing. I did takkyeon and dyeing & ornaments. Later, we got to see the kids that did rowing do a little rowing competition.

Day 6: EPIK Life & School Culture, Lesson Demonstration Preparation, Sexual Harassment Awareness and Prevention Education, Making Your English More Comprehensible

More lectures. For Lesson Demonstration Preparation, you get with your group and plan and prepare your lesson demonstration.

Day 7: Lesson Demonstration and Feedback, Meeting with MOE/POE, Closing Ceremony & Farewell Dinner

This is the day where you and your group do your lesson demonstration and you’ll receive immediate feedback on what you did well and what needs improvement. Then, you’ll get to meet your head coordinator of your POE/MOE (Provincial Office of Education/Metropolitan? Office of Education). They’ll give you a quick run-down of each city and what’s cool about it and then give you your placement and you’ll sign the contract. They’ll also tell you what time you need to meet to load on the bus the next morning.

Day 8: Luggage Load on the POE/MOE bus and Escorted to each POE/MOE

Obviously, checking out and going to wherever you’ve been assigned to. I was on the bus with teachers going to the southern-ish area of Gangwon-do. So, Gangneung, Taebaek, Samcheok, Donghae. They’ll take you to the immigration office where you’ll meet your main co-teacher and apply for your ARC (alien registration card).

In my case, I was taken to my apartment by my co-teacher and got to take a quick look around and put my stuff down. Then, I was taken to the school where I got to meet some of my students, eat lunch with the other teachers, get a quick tour of the school, and chill in my office. And I stayed there for the rest of the day preparing my introduction lesson for the next day. So I was kinda thrown straight into teaching, some other teachers get a little bit more time to settle in and prepare.

I hope that helps! If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message. I hope you all have a wonderful day! Another post is coming soon so be ready to…wake up and shine. 😊

[yourdailykitsch]

For which / how many seasons of FNL were Taylor and Minka dating?

Season one was filmed in 2006 into 2007. They dated, from what I understand for about a year. From the time they began filming the first season (which was after they filmed the pilot earlier in the year) until the summer of 2007. So they were together for the first season. By the time they started filming season 2, later in the summer of 2007, they’d broken up.

Ask #2: Do you think Taylor would briefly come back to social media to promote shadowplay when it releases?

Answer: I would hope that the release, even in Germany, would bring him out of hiding and that he’d post some content in support of the premiere. This is the first time he’s been part of a project that hasn’t debuted here first in the states, so I’m not really sure what to expect promotion wise. Add COVID into the mix and I really have no idea. I can hope for some print interviews, maybe some zoom interviews...but I don’t know for sure.

Ask #3: Has the trailer released yet at all? In Germany? This close in to the premiere I would have expected to see something by now, or maybe German fans talking about the show altogether.

Answer: A trailer has not been released anywhere. I would assume that we’ll see a trailer for ZDF in Germany in the coming weeks, but it might be in German. I came across the trailer months ago and that was in English, but I don’t know if it would be the same trailer. Nothing, as of yet, has been formally released. The only promotion we’re seeing at this point is by the creator of the show, Mans Marlind. 

Ask #4: Can’t wait to see Taylor on screen with a love interest again. Feels like it’s been years

Answer: Definitely! A true love interest story really hasn’t been part of a story he’s done since 2015-ish. 

Ask #5: I think the streaming service you mentioned in your most recent ‘ZDFmediathek’ is available to Americans as well. Hopefully it’ll work and we all can watch shadowplay soon after it airs

Answer: I checked into the service when I saw it mentioned. As someone in the US, you can sign up for it, but certain shows are blocked for out of market viewers. I would assume this would be the case for Shadowplay, unfortunately. I will say that if it’s on a streaming service somewhere, there’s a good chance that it’ll be leaked to piracy sites...not that I’m advocating for that sort of thing.

Ask #6:  Wasnt taylor trying to play mark defriest in movie? I guessing nothing went forward

Answer: He mentioned, in a podcast back in 2014, about pitching this idea. But nothing was ever put in motion. You would probably be shocked to hear the number of things that are thrown around or that he’s interested in that just never move forward. I’d say more often than not. 75% of the things that he comes across and he’s interested in probably never see the light of day. That’s Hollywood.

Ask #7: Is Taylor on his own in Alaska or has he gone with some of his mates?

Answer: He was there with at least one friend. That was kind of the reason I thought he was there, but then was obviously confirmed by the fan sighting of him in Seward, Alaska at a taco joint. 

Ask #8: I’m really excited about the ACC event. Do we have to pay to be able to see the virtual event? With Taylor and Connie and everyone else?

Answer: It does seem like you will have to make a donation to be able to tune in to see the live event. I came across the event website and posted it probably before they were ready for it to go live, so not all the details are available yet. I would check back on October 1st when the auction goes live for more details about tickets. 

Personal note: if I didn’t answer your ask, I’m sorry. My inbox was kind of inundated this past week and I’ve had some personal stuff going on. I know I didn’t get to them all, if you want to resubmit I can try and answer more. I had to put my cat down on Friday and have been dealing with that inevitability for the past few weeks, which weighed very heavily on me. His name was Sam and he was 16 years old and lived a great life but I’ve had him since he was a kitten when I found him on my college campus, he was my baby. Even Taylor couldn’t really pull me out of the funk I’ve been in recently :(

[theawkwardterrier]

(In Our Togetherness) Castles Are Built

Learning to live together takes work. Written for @steggyfanevents​ Hearts or Butts Challenge (hearts, obv! well, hearts-ish)

AO3 link here.

They are not, it turns out, naturally compatible roommates.

Oh, they’re both courteous enough people. They both pitch in on cleaning up, take out the trash when the bin is full, replace the toilet paper roll or lightbulbs when needed instead of pretending they haven’t seen them - they’re not monsters.

But Steve wears his shoes inside the house without even thinking while Peggy takes hers off as she walks in the door, and she ends up irritated by the remaining street grit he unknowingly brings inside which she constantly feels through her nylons. He acquices easily when, three days in, she asks him to start removing his shoes when he comes home. He’s solicitous by nature and happy to make her happy. But they have been in such synchronicity since they met, in personality and values and choices, that these times when they stumble into dissonance are made all the more confusing for it.

And they keep stumbling. Peggy has changed from fire red nails to shell pink to deep plum, swiping firmly with polish remover and buffing and adding practiced coats in the evenings, before Steve mentions, carefully controlled, that the acrid smell in the small space is overwhelming to him. Several weeks later, as she asks him to contain his art supplies more carefully when he is in the midst of a project, she does not bring up the scent of paint in the room but the idea of it lingers.

He can’t understand why she insists on washing her breakfast plate and teacup even when she’s rushing out the door, and objects when she sighs and washes his too if he tries to leave them to wash with the supper dishes later. She can’t fathom why he insists on regularly listening to baseball games, and especially does not grasp why he must commentate aloud while he does, his soundtrack of groans and curses and punctuating affirmations making an already disruptive pastime she has no interest in even more so. He likes having the windows open, especially on these summer nights, and she closes them at every opportunity against the bugs and the noise, the city-scented breeze. She buys new paperbacks nearly every week or at least every other, and he stares baffled at the living room bookshelf, quickly filling with books she will likely never read again, and reminds her of their local library.

They are not good at it at first. But they do, it turns out, get better at it.

“It might be sensible to have a box of cold cereal in the house,” Peggy calls from the bedroom one morning. They’ve once again spent a bit too much time in bed, and as she rushes to get ready for the day, he’s gone to prepare toast and an egg for her - soft-boiled because they’re short on time.

“Easier for us on mornings like this,” he calls back, “but easier for the pests too.”

Coming into the room affixing an earring, she asks, “Do we have some sort of infestation?”

“Nothing I’ve seen lately, but you never know with these kinds of things.” He shrugs.

“I suppose not,” she says, reaching down plates for the two of them (no time even for egg cups). “But I don’t usually think of it.”

He laughs, taking out the butter. “Oh, you would if you’d seen the things I have,” he says, and it’s lucky Peggy isn’t squeamish or easily put off her food, because the casual mentions over breakfast of occasional scuttling roaches and his mother’s broom corralling fist-sized rats would turn a weaker stomach.

“I had thought your insistence on canisters for the oats and sugar was simply a homey touch,” she comments as she slips on her pumps and glances around for her portfolio.

“It is,” he says, handing it to her along with her purse. “Just from a different kind of home than you’re used to.”

That evening, when she comes home and sees his shoes leveled neatly beside each other by the front door, she asks him about that too. She hadn’t even thought to before. And he tells her about floors that somehow always seemed grimy no matter how often they cleaned, about times when there wasn’t any heat - not in the dead of winter, not usually, but in the trailing autumn and snappish early spring when the chill was still biting - and Steve and his mother kept their shoes on because taking them off would have meant frigid feet.

And so they begin to understand each other. Not automatically the way they do with so much else, not without asking, but in a different way, just as deep, just as necessary. She tells him about growing up with a mother who insisted that everything in the house be tidied before it was possible to turn to the marketing or visiting friends, about boarding school demerits for an unmade bed or an incompletely cleared table in the refectory (Peggy was somewhat particular about how she acquired her demerits), about going into shelters during the Blitz (or sometimes not going into shelters) wondering if someone was going to have to return to her bedsit and find her clothing dropped onto the floor or a crumb-covered dish on the table, remnants of a life to which she would never return.

He still doesn’t feel the need to keep things as constantly tidy as she does, but now he knows that element of her, sees her requests not as something to tolerate but to understand as a part of who she is. And she understands, too, about how comforting he finds the smell of paint, the sounds and scents of the city, how familiar they are, how sometimes for weeks throwing the windows wide and letting those things in was the only way he had been able to have a bit of the outdoors with him. She didn’t know him then, but she knows about that part of him now.

So they compromise, buying window screens and keeping the gap to only a few inches, switching places in bed so Steve sleeps closer to the window, feeling the play of air across his face as he falls asleep.

They compromise, agreeing that Peggy can polish her nails as long as she leaves a window open. Steve has always liked how they look anyway and, more importantly, how they make her feel: pretty and coordinated and in control of the way she’s perceived. With the issue of smell dealt with, he can admire each new color she chooses. They decide that Steve’s tradition of listening to baseball can continue at a lowered volume and with more limited commentary, though Peggy eventually finds herself looking over with fondness at his avid appreciation of the game (even if, when he finally takes her to one in person, she still finds it far inferior to cricket).

She becomes more judicious about buying books, finally allowing herself to leave behind her tradition of newly purchased detective stories that buoyed her during the war; they go to browse at the library together during evening hours instead. He starts running free art classes at the local community center and is allowed to have his own easel there for paintings in progress.

Peggy is permitted to take Steve’s undershirts and button-downs without asking as long as she knows they’ll return to him after laundry day. Steve can eat her marmalade, but only if he’s reasonable about his sampling and willing to buy another jar if he finishes the last of it.

“I sort of liked the part where you were all exasperated with each other,” a disgruntled Howard tells them, heaping a serving of spaghetti onto his plate the first time they host dinner at their place. “Some of us like it when you aren’t perfect all the time.”

Steve laughs. “We definitely aren't perfect, but we had something good and we knew it.”

“Well, you knew enough to be damn obvious about it,” Bucky says, helping himself to bread. “And not do anything but moon for years.”

“We were at war,” Steve scowls. “And we were taking time to build a foundation.”

“And now we know,” Peggy takes over smoothly, “that good foundation or not, relationships actually take work.” She knocks back the last of her scotch sour (she’d charmed the recipe out of the bartender at the Stork Club) and looks at Howard over the rim of the empty glass. “Perhaps one day you’ll be lucky enough to take part yourself.”

Mr. Jarvis coughs politely into his wine glass, his mouth thinned against a laugh. Ana reaches over to cuff her husband on the shoulder before patting Howard on his. “I’m sure you will one day,” she says with kind consolation.

“Not one day soon, I hope,” Howard says. “I’ll leave that kind of work to you for now.”

And they keep working at it, communicating and laughing and finding middle ground, discovering who they have each been and who they can be together. They make a life that is theirs: talking in the mornings while Peggy puts on her makeup, their eyes catching in the mirror; sitting down together every month to pay bills and review their savings, their plans for them the future, treating themselves to something sweet once it’s done (berry tarts when Steve buys, brownies when Peggy does); a dance at midnight on New Year’s Eve regardless of where they are.

It’s an art, living together, being together, and they become expert at it.

And, several years down the road, when the new roommate they’ve discussed - a smaller, squirmier sort of roommate - joins the family, they plan to teach them too.

[marculees]

🌼 Tag 🌼

Tagged by @pikachulein to answer ten of her custom questions, thank you 💖 💖

1. What compliment you've received meant the most to you?

I don’t really believe people when they compliment me rip. Only a few months ago, one of my professors told me I wrote at Masters level during a private meeting and it made me smile for three hours straight. I’ve been considering a career in third-level teaching and research and I hadn’t told him this but he started telling me I would be perfect for it and it was really motivating ;-;

2. Would you rather meet your favourite celebrity/group/bias and realize they're not at all how you imagined them to be like (maybe they're not as kind as you thought, for example) or never meeting them in person but it turning out that they're actually the amazing, kind, sweet, generous, etc. person that you thought they were? (I hope that makes sense hhhh I think the ethics of this question are really interesting)

I’d rather not meet them and have them be lovely. I haven’t met them yet anyway and so I wouldn’t lose anything by not meeting them.

3. What's your current favourite song you always use to get hyped up to or a song currently stuck in your head?

Boss Bitch - Doja Cat

4. If you had to write the book of your life, what genre would it be and what would you choose as a title?

I’d write it in the format of diary entries, very much a ‘slice of life’ type, with illustrations and doodles on the pages for metaphor and viewing pleasure. I think the title would be something simple too but with some depth to it, like a significant date in my life; almost like the ‘climax’ of the book, I could work the reader up to that entry and they would know something is coming up but not what 👀

5. Name your top 5 musical artists and your favourite song of each of them?

mxmtoon - Feelings are Fatal

Hozier - Movement

Kim Petras - Personal Hell

Conan Gray - Comfort Crowd

Kodaline - Ready

6. If you were invited to a big humanitarian event and had to give a speech on a topic you'd want to bring about a huge change for the better, what topic would you choose to speak about and voice your opinions/ideas? (Assume public speaking is one of your strongest assets and you'll ace this no matter what)

Okay so this is literally one of my aspirations in life, no joke, I’d love to be able to speak to a crowd and try to inspire and motivate them to achieve great things! I just really want to see people succeed and realise their potential regardless of who they are :( There are so many topics I would like to address but I think I would go for mental health in development. I study international development so I’m very familiar with humanitarian issues but often times, mental health is ignored when looking at healthcare regardless of where you are in the world.

7. What is something (a skill, personality trait, or something appearance related, it can be whatever) you wish you had and/or you really admire in other people?

I really admire team-players in leadership. People who are genuinely concerned for those around them and want them all to succeed together. They don’t leave anyone behind and remind everyone of their strengths and what they contribute to the team and actively push them to succeed. I try to do the same but sometimes I can sometimes be a bit of a pushover and not strict enough, instead just taking on more work myself rather than trusting a team member to do it... group projects, anyone??? :’)

8. What's your favourite anime/show/youtuber (you can answer whichever you got an answer for, it can be all three options of course :D)?

I don’t watch anime anymore but I enjoyed Ouran High a lot!

I’m waiting for the new season of Line of Duty to come out soon, but my guilty pleasure TV show is Bondi Rescue dsjvkdhlvjhfb I’ve also been watching that new show Five Guys A Week with my mum recently and its such good craic omfg 

I tend to flock towards gaming and commentary channels most but Dashie is my fave istg there isn’t a video of his that I don’t wheeze along to 😂

9. In kpop, are you more into vocalists, dancers, rappers, maknaes, leaders, or visuals (or maybe a mix of some/all :'))?

I’ve noticed I like the rappers most!

10. What's your most beautiful/favourite memory?

This is hard...I literally had to answer this question last because I wanted to have a proper think about it. Its been hurting my head for days trying to think tbh and is it bad that I actually can’t pick a particular moment?.I’m genuinely stuck but a recent-ish one I can think of was this time last year when I had to give a presentation in front of my class of 250 people. I was presenting with two groupmates and I remember how hard we practiced and rehearsed for the days coming up to it. We wore coordinating outfits and had our lines memorised and I remember walking up on the stage and immediately feeling ‘powerful’. I don’t usually feel powerful at all but once I started speaking and performing our skit with my groupmates (who were lovely btw it made me really happy seeing the more nervous one do so well!), I seen how the faces of my classmates lit up and it gave me that warmth I had missed for so long. Random people I had never even spoke to before came up and complimented me later and it made me really proud because its what I love to do and it was so lovely knowing they enjoyed it too ;-; The lecturer we had for that class was known for being really intense but she took a shine to me and pulled me aside one of the days to compliment me and then referred to me as “her powerful speaker” in front of the class when we were receiving assignments back weeks later. It was the highlight of my whole semester and second year tbh. I’m really hard on myself but for once, I felt genuinely and I mean TRULY proud of myself and it had been a long ass time since I had felt that way 😭 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, now I tag @wheezing-pterodactyl @jbemin @jenoscity @starryseung @seventiddies @thegirlthatsdancingintherain @leechan-babyboy @angelwonho for the following questions:

1. What comment appeared on your report card most often as a schoolchild?

2. What’s your guilty pleasure?

3. You find a magic lamp and now a genie is here to grant you three wishes! What are you gonna wish for? (you can’t ask for more wishes though lol)

4. Imagine you have the power to control time. Would you rather pause, rewind or fast-forward?

5. When you shop for clothes, what’s the first thing that catches your eye? (could be the colour, pattern, style, price, fabric, etc.)

6. What’s the strangest dream you have had recently?

7. What is your MBTI type?

8. Do you have any unusual talents or party tricks? If so, what are they?

9. If your life were to be recreated through a form of art, which medium would you choose? (examples: painting, film, book, music, video game, etc.)

10. If you could be any mythical creature or figure, what would you like to be?

[agaychristian]

Coming out... thinking again...

May 12, 2020

(Night of the 11th, but it's like 2:30 am now so it's the 12th technically)

So... like I've been thinking abt it again today. That maybe I should come out.... I would say it's the quarantine talking, but let's be honest, I didn't go out much before lol.

Tho I am really missing going to Sunday school, church, and small group (yes I said Sunday school and small group... that's how I distinguish between Sunday morning small group at the church before worship and Sunday night small group at leader's house). So that may have something to do with it, idk.

But I have also just seen someone like my post abt thinking abt coming out to my mom from March (ironically I posted that like 4 days before everything shut down in my state lol). I have also seen some people over the past 2 ish months like post any coming out and church response and stuff from like 2 years ago.... so it's not like these are knew thoughts... just more frequent I guess lol.

But I've been thinking abt it again today... and thinking abt coming out in general not necessarily to specific people.

Ok that's a lie, there is one guy I've thought abt coming out to, he was in my small group for a bit, but only came sporadically due to work. He since moved across town and apparently started going to a church over that way with some friends.

I don't even know him super well, but kinda wanna come out to him. But chatting online through a message app isn't the best place for that kind of thing. I don't have his number, and he is across town so it's not like I will see him at church even if church was open ATM (hopefully soon, governor finally said churches could open... think she finally realized she can't really say churches can't meet, tho for everyone's safety my church may still hold off a few weeks, don't know... anyway not the point).

I message him every now and then to see how he's doing kinda thing, cause I genuinely want know how he is.... but like I don't know him that well, an he isn't on this side of town currently....

So not sure how that would even work for me to really talk to him....

I can't come out via a message app... for one, then there is proof in written form that I said it lol... also I can't try and read his face when I say it.

And when things finally open back up (soon, restaurants can finally open at 50% capacity, the one he works at is closed for now tho, so he has time) but I can't just say "hey wanna meet somewhere and grab lunch or something"... I mean I don't think I know him well enough, and like one dude doesn't just randomly ask another dude he only kinda knows to have lunch... that seems weird...

Maybe it's seems like such a big deal because I do find him attractive... but that's not the point... well maybe it is, I guess if I didn't, I probably wouldn't feel like I need to tell him I'm gay... maybe by telling him, he will say he is too... ok that's just wishful thinking, I have no idea if he is gay or anything that would necessarily make me think he is.... as I don't know him well.

But I do know he has apparently had some personal/ family stuff happen and that's part of why he moved across town... so maybe I'm projecting my feelings into it and it's making me think, maybe he is gay and the personal and family drama was abt him being gay. It wouldn't necessarily be a stretch.... but it could have also been a million other things.

Again it comes down to my gaydar being more of a "I hope he's gay"dar.

Maybe hebis gay and reads tumblr and my blog and will read this post and figure out it's me and message me!... ok ok I know, more slightly wishful, slightly scariest thing imaginable thinking...

Tho I could also just say screw it and tell him I'm gay anyway and let the cards fall where they will.... which I am considering more and more.... tho that could be the isolation talking... and I don't mean Covid 19 isolation... I mean isolating part of myself and not being able to have a significant other, and considering stupid and risky things to get out of this feeling of loneliness....

Tho I'm not really in a good situation to date ATM so not sure coming out on a bigger scale or to someone I like (well think I like based on what I do know) is anything I should worry abt doing ATM...

I am jobless but have a couple rentel houses that barely pay for themselves and a few personal bills, no real money from them... yet.

But I am looking to get another one, and since all this Covid 19 shutdown stuff caused him to have reduced hours at work and now none at all, I have considered if I get another house soon, since it will need a little work (as I don't buy move in ready, they cost way too much) but I have considered at that time messaging him and ask if he wants to help with some Reno work and I can pay him. It will help him afford bills, give me some help with the house, I can even call it a business expense and add it to rehab cost of house and depreciate it with the rest of the expenses. It will give us time to get to know each other more and get more comfortable with each other and maybe allow time for opening up more. I could even offer to pay for his lunch as part of the deal with him helping me... I mean it would be the least I could do for his help. What a great way to help him out without just giving him money... that I don't really have, like I have no extra money, but I do have money I borrow for the house and any repairs and to pay people to work on it. And while he said he is taking the down time to relax, I'm sure at some point he may enjoy something to do.... but it's not like I've put much thought into this. Lol

And I think I've rambled on long enough for tonight, feels good getting some of these thoughts out.

And if the guy I'm talking abt happens to read this, feel free to message me... by the same way we messaged earlier (and the only way we ever really message, tho I did give my number to you some time back in case you ever needed a ride to small group) to see how each other was doing.

Ps: I hate that when I scroll back through what I wrote to look at something or scan over it that it sometimes drags paragraphs into a new place... serious design flaw

[sunniebelle]

An Enchanted Night

I got a Bingo @doctorroseprompts! 

Tentoo x Rose, light Teen

A few days after Rose and her Doctor return to Pete's World, Rose is still struggling with worry over her place in the Doctor's life and if she indeed has a future with him. The Doctor is fairly sure he's come up with a fool-proof plan to ease her concerns and show her how priceless she truly is to him.

Note: This is based on a prompt from @skyler10fic to use the words 'party' and 'boat' from Tumblr's @doctorroseprompts' Summer Fic Bingo. Thank you so much @skyler10fic for the prompt! I hope you enjoy the story! :D

A03, TSP

Rose Tyler smiled politely and nodded at what she hoped was an appropriate time to one of Pete Tyler’s Vitex business associates. Her mum was hosting a big, fancy party to celebrate the return of the stars. The mystery of the stars suddenly going out, for seemingly no reason, had baffled scientists the world over. Torchwood had done its very best to gather the best and brightest experts they could find all over the world. The only ones who had known in their gut that something more sinister was going on had been Rose and Pete Tyler.

In the beginning, she had fought tooth and nail for weeks to have her's, Mickey Smith’s and Jake Simmond’s Dimension Canon Project approved for use. She’d spent months hopping dimensions, searching relentlessly for her Doctor.

She had never expected the result of her efforts to end like they had, to wind up back in Pete’s World for good and living life on the slow path. More than anything, she hadn’t expected the surprise of a lifetime, to get to stay with her family and have the Doctor. Though there were some subtle differences between the Doctor she had been separated from and his biological metacrisis, he was indeed her Doctor in every way that mattered.

She could still recall in vivid detail the moments directly after watching the TARDIS and the Time Lord Doctor disappear without any kind of goodbye. With old, incredibly painful memories flooding to the surface of her battered and bruised heart, and her fears of abandonment rearing their ugly heads, she had thrown herself into the metacrisis’ arms and sobbed from too many emotions coursing through her exhausted mind and body.

Rose forcefully pushed her reminiscent memories away, trying to once again focus on what the man—whose name she couldn’t recall now—was continuing to discuss in an almost monotone voice. As soon as possible, she excused herself and went in search of the man that was never far from her thoughts.

After getting caught up in and escaping several conversations with individuals who were definitely not her Doctor, she finally left for the kitchens thinking he popped in there to steal some nibbles and have a rambling discussion with the likely annoyed staff. She could only hope he had not resorted to fiddling with the kitchen appliances. After all, there was only so many times she could talk her mum out of slapping him.

Upon learning none of the servants had seen him and feeling quite baffled at his disappearance, she let out a heavy sigh and decided to take a walk in the gardens that surrounded the back half of the Tyler mansion, thinking the fresh night air might help settle her thoughts.

As hard as she tried, Rose couldn’t completely push aside the fear that tried to bubble up in her. Having been sent away so many times, searching for months and always coming up empty-handed, and finally being abandoned by the Time Lord Doctor on that bloody beach, all of it together had left her wary when she faced moments like this, when she couldn’t find the Doctor. It brought up so many doubts in her, stirring painful memories to the surface.

Oh, she knew full-well the Doctor loved her. She even knew that the fully Time Lord Doctor loved her; but at moments like these, her insecurities had a way of overwhelming her.

Her mind was working over-time to convince her that her doubts and fears were real, not just imagined—that she wasn’t enough for the Metacrisis Doctor and he missed traveling the stars too much to stay with her. Most importantly, though, she wondered if she would ever be enough to bridge the gaping hole that was left behind by the severed connection with his TARDIS.

All these depressing, morose thoughts spiraled in her mind like a viscous whirlwind. She knew she was being daft, but still that knowledge couldn’t make the thoughts go away. They had plagued her relentlessly since that day on Bad Wolf Bay, just a few days ago.

So focused was she on her self-recriminating thoughts, she didn’t see the moonlit outline of her half-human Doctor walking toward her in the dark.

“Rose! There you are, I was just coming to—” the Doctor began excitedly before cutting himself off at her startled gasp. “Oh, sorry. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Letting out a deep breath and trying to return her heart to its normal rhythm, she ran a hand down his arm to assure him she was fine and he was forgiven.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere. No one knew where you were.”

Though Rose tried to keep her worry and self-doubts to herself, either her voice or something in her eyes gave her away. Familiar chocolate-brown eyes studied her for several long moments before he grasped her hands in a gentle but firm grip.

Looking deep into her eyes, the Doctor said, “I’m sorry I worried you Rose. I always hate to see you upset, especially when I’m the cause. I know it’s going to take time to prove to you that I have no intention of ever leaving you again, at least not by my own choice.” He stepped closer into her personal space, so close she could feel his warm puffs of air gently grazing her skin.

“I slipped away so I could prepare for the surprise I had planned for the two of us. Would you care to take a moonlit stroll with me?” he asked with a small smile, turning and offering his elbow to her.

He tried to hide it, but she could see the hesitant, vulnerable look in his eye, as though he was preparing for her to decline. As if she would ever miss out on a chance to have the Doctor all to herself.

“I’d love to, Doctor,” she said, giving him a tongue-touched grin.

The Doctor was still awestruck whenever he was graced by one of Rose’s beaming smiles. He didn’t know how she did it, but her smile seemed to make the gentle light of the moon seem to shine as bright as day when she smiled at him like that. He was fully aware that he had a goofy, ear-to-ear grin on his face as he felt Rose’s arm slip into the crook of his elbow. He had felt more genuine smiles cross his face in the past month than he had since the day he lost her in the battle of Canary Warf.

They walked in companionable silence until they reached the edge of the large duck pond that sat toward the back of the Tyler property.

A pleasantly warm wind blew the scents of the night air into their faces, letting them sample the sweet floral but heady smell of honeysuckle and lavender. In the trees and bushes they heard the calls and movements of small animals hurrying about their business in the cover of night.

The gentle warmth of the night air seemed to wrap around them, like a comfortable blanket and he could feel the earlier tension in Rose slowly fade as they took in the beauty around them. Ahead of them, the soft sound of wave after wave of water meeting and lapping at the shore added to the magic of the moment and to the melody of the night noises surrounding them.

The blue-ish white light of the moon illuminated the ground beneath the Doctor’s and Rose’s feet. The Doctor led them around the grassy shore a ways, toward a short wooden dock where, barely visible at the end, two lanterns sat atop the posts waiting to be lit.

He stopped her at the entrance to the pier and asked her to close her eyes and wait there for a minute. Rolling her eyes in feigned impatience and giving him an indulgent but excited smile, she complied.

Waving his hand in front of her face to test that she wasn’t peaking, he darted to the end of the walk and turned the lanterns on high, then quickly returned to her side.

“Keep your eyes closed, but walk with me. I’ll guide you.” He was pleased to see the amused smile tugging at Rose’s mouth, but focused on leading her to his surprise, mostly so he wouldn’t focus too much on his desire to kiss her.

When they reached their destination, he stepped to the side and told her to open her eyes. He watched as her eyes opened and focused on his surprise; a wooden rowboat tied to the pier and in the center of the boat was a large picnic basket. He saw a beaming smile slowly light up Rose’s face and simultaneously warm his single human heart, effectively calming his tumultuous fears about her enjoying his surprise.

“You did all this? For me?” she asked, her voice quiet while her eyes searched his.

“All for you, Rose Tyler. If I may?” he asked, gesturing to the boat. She accepted his help into the boat and was soon seated across from her. He gazed at her for a long moment, then, as though he was just remembering something, he reached behind him and presented her with a beautiful bouquet of pink and yellow roses.

Lifting them to her face to breathe in their wonderful smell, she said, “These are beautiful, Doctor. Thank you, for these...and doing all this.”

“You’re welcome. Only the best for my pink and yellow human,” he said with a grin, which she returned.

He situated his hands on the paddles and made ready to move the boat out onto the water so he could continue his plans for the evening. He suddenly stopped when Rose cleared her throat and looked up at her.

“Um, Doctor, are you forgetting something?”

He looked at her in confusion for a moment, then glanced around them, mentally ticking off everything in his head, then looked back up at her in bemusement.

Shaking his head, he confirmed, “No, don’t think so.”

He could tell that she was holding back laughter and trying to hide a smile behind her hand. He cocked an eyebrow at her, waiting to see what she found so amusing.

Lowering her hand and doing a very poor job of not smiling, she pointed to the rope that was anchoring the boat to the pier. “’S just, think we’ll get farther without being tethered, don’t you?”

His face dropped as he looked at the line. “Ah.”

He turned a beaming smile on her. “My brilliant, Rose! Always seeing what I miss!” he exclaimed with pride, making her smile wider.

The rope tucked safely away and paddles now in hand, the Doctor’s smooth, powerful strokes brought them quickly to the middle of the pond fairly quickly.

After securing the paddles, the Doctor opened the hamper he had prepared earlier. In a short amount of time they each had plates of fish and chips and glasses of wine.

The Doctor had difficulty swallowing when Rose moaned at the taste of the chips. Trying to force his mind to other things than wanting to ravish her, he began rambling about his progress on the TARDIS coral. For a while they ate and drank, their conversation relaxed.

Soon the meal was finished and he brought out a large slice of double chocolate banana cake and two spoons. Rose’s obvious delight caused him to make his happy noise at the pleasure she found in his hard work. They both moaned in pleasure when the first bite of the delicious cake reached their respective mouths, then looked at each other and laughed.

After packing their dishes away in the hamper, the Doctor moved over to sit beside Rose, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He enjoyed the feel of her leaning into his body and her contented sigh as they felt the gentle sway of the boat drifting in the water.

As they gazed at the night-time scenery around them, Rose smiled when she thought of all the thought, time and effort the Doctor had put into this lovely surprise date he had set up. All of this had shattered through the doubts that had been swirling in her head lately.

As he stared up at the moon and stars that softly lit the midnight sky, she surreptitiously studied him. He was wearing a dark-blue tuxedo; though tonight’s party had been a black-tie affair, he had refused to wear a black one, much to her mother’s annoyance. Rose had always loved how handsome he looked in a tux and tonight was no exception.

His eyes sparkled in the soft light, while the breeze ruffled the strands of his spiked hair. She continued her perusal, forcing her hands to remain in her lap and not wander into his really great hair. Her eyes finally fell to his mouth, specifically his pouty lower lip that continued to taunt her with how kissable that feature made him look.

She startled slightly when his head suddenly turned to her, their eyes locking and bodies stilling.

She felt a bit perplexed when she saw a slightly nervous look cross his face, yet couldn’t help but track the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. She wondered what was making him nervous and was about to ask him, when he started speaking.

“Rose, I—there’s a reason I did all this tonight, planned it all out. I’m actually amazed one of my plans worked! You know, normally they end up going awry a little bit. Well, yeah, you know that. Don’t need to go into that. I, um, that is. Oh, bugger.” She watched in part amusement, part growing concern as her Doctor tried to tell her something that she instinctively knew was important.

He took a deep breath through his mouth and let it out his nose slowly, then turned slightly so he could face her. “Rose, I don’t know that I, even with all the languages I can speak, could find the words to tell you how much I missed you.”

Her breath caught at that statement and she felt the slight burning sensation of tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

“I was miserable, a completely useless wreck without you. There were so many times I’d ask myself, ‘What would Rose do?’, or ‘What am I missing that Rose would see?’”

As the Doctor continued his ramble, he became more animated and Rose imagined that, were they not in a boat, he would have been pacing.

“And blimey, how many times did Donna yell at me for moping about or sulking? I was a right pain in the arse at times, I’m sure. You can stop laughing, Rose, cause it’s true!” he said, smiling as she tried to stifle her giggles at the pictures he created. Oh, how she could just imagine those scenarios—which of course, was a rather sobering thought.

“The point I’m trying and failing to make Rose is, I was so miserable without you, but a great majority was because of my deep regret. Regret for how much bloody time I wasted holding you at arm’s length. I told myself I was protecting you, from my darkness, from my past. But really, I was scared, a right sodding coward. I was terrified of how much it would hurt one day when I lost you.”

Her throat got tighter as her tears gathered in her eyes, watching him bare himself completely like this. A tear spilled over and slowly rolled down her cheek as she saw his head bow, eyes close and shoulders slump with the weight of his next words.

“And then...I did lose you and it hurt so much more. Because all that time, we could have been honest about our feelings. No, I could have been honest about my feelings for you. And Rose,” he looked up, staring into her eyes, “my regret for the things I didn’t do and didn’t say still runs deep. A chasm of regret. And I vowed to myself, when you chose me that day on that windy beach, after we saved the Earth again—well, the universe...well, the multi-verse—I vowed that I would not hide my feelings for you any longer.”

She watched him take a deep breath, then slide from his seat beside her. Her breath, mind, heart, everything stopped when he knelt before her and grasped her hand. Tears that she had managed to keep at bay now ran unchecked down her face.

“Rose Marion Tyler, from the day I grasped your hand in mine and told you to 'Run', you have fascinated, challenged, inspired me, saved me so many times, in so many ways. You took a bitter, old and broken Time Lord soldier...and you made me better. Your light, your spirit, your compassion, Rose, just...everything about you drew me to you. You were, are, will always be my center of gravity. And I cannot—do not ever want to—imagine a life lived without you. You are my everything. I love you, Rose Tyler, and will spend every single day of the rest of our forever proving it to you.”

He drew out a small TARDIS-blue velvet case from his inner lapel pocket and lifted the lid to reveal a white-gold ring with a beautiful diamond centered between two small sapphires. As he lifted it from the case, she thought she could see his written language, circular Gallifreyan, engraved inside the ring—though she longed for stronger light than the gentle moonlight currently surrounding them to confirm her suspicions.

“Doctor,” was the only word she could get past her lips and increasingly tight throat.

“Will you,” he took a deep breath and she heard him gulp before he continued, “do me the extreme honor of becoming my wife?”

“Yes, Doctor,” she said in a broken whisper.

A beaming smile suddenly stretched across his face making the adorable crinkles around his eyes appear.

As he reverently slipped the ring onto her finger, she giggled in delight and stared at it for a long moment. She then lunged forward to wrap him in a tight hug. He barely kept them upright, both of them laughing as the boat rocked with their movement. For several minutes they were content to stay locked in their warm embrace.

Turning her head, she trailed her lips across his jaw pressing soft kisses to his smooth skin. Making her way to his mouth, she finally gave him a loving, lingering kiss. He was quick to lean into her and when she moved her now-bejeweled left hand to his hair to scratch at his scalp, while also drawing his tempting lower lip between hers, she relished the sound of his moan. He pulled her closer, one arm tight around her lower back while the other snaked into her hair to tilt her head as he deepened the kiss, which pulled a moan from her as well.

The need to breathe finally caused them to separate, their foreheads touching and their breath mingling. Her eyelids fluttered open, warm amber meeting rich chocolate.

Her hands, still tangled in his gorgeously riotous hair, came down to rest on either side of his face and she pulled back to better see him. It took all her will-power not to continue their previous activities, what with seeing his adorable and thoroughly-snogged appearance. But she had something important to tell him as well, something she had not said to him in a very long time.

“Doctor, you are so important to me. So important that I jumped universes to get back to you. I was utterly devastated when we were separated, so lost. I was more lonely than I knew it was possible to be. But because of all I went through, the decisions I made because no one would or could make them, I feel like...like I know you and understand you better. And Doctor, I mean this from the depths of my soul,” she stared into his eyes to make sure he was truly hearing her.

“It doesn’t matter what has happened in your past. All of what you went through, every single bit of it, it made you into who you are. And who you are...is the man I love. My Doctor. I love you, so much.”

Now it was the Doctor whose face was streaked with tears as he stared into her eyes. He looked at her as though he had found the most precious treasure. It was a look of wonder and awe.

Suddenly he surged forward with a hard press of his lips to hers. She poured all her love for this beautiful, wonderful man into her kiss and felt the same being sent to her.

He finally slowed and gentled his touch, kissing her with such tenderness and love that she again felt tears burning behind her eyelids.

Breaking away so there was only a few inches between them, they gazed at each other, memorizing and treasuring everything about this moment. The Doctor stared at Rose with deep, chocolate brown eyes, his gaze so filled with love and hope for their future together.

She looked down between them at their hands, palms pressed together and fingers tightly linked. She knew—they both knew deep in their souls—no matter what the universe had in store for them, as long as they had each other’s hand to hold, they could face it. Together.