#I’m very aware that a tv show would probably never happen

[greyhavensking]

everyday I wish for the possibility of an all for the game tv series solely because of my desire to see real, live people play exy

[ennard-is-near]

Some Michael Afton headcanons and crack theories and whatnot

🚨 warning, If you know me irl (You know who you are, I see you) be aware that I’m not serious hahahahaha I would never be cringe hahaha 🚨

Okay, here we go:

Kid/Teenage hcs:

He’s super quiet after The Bite of ‘83. Like won’t talk to anyone or answer most questions outside of occasional one word answers. [I’ve talked about this before]

He was 13 during the Bite of ‘83.

Wasn’t really popular or a bully or anything before the Bite of ‘83. He was just like, a regular kid whose dad was well-known. It’s like if the mayor’s son was in your class or something. Yeah he’s kind of an asshole, but so is every middle school boy.

Ppl tend to avoid him after The Bite just because if you had the choice between talking to the guy who killed his brother or not doing that, you’d probably pick the latter. People felt bad for him or whatever but it’s not like they wanted to befriend him.

Cannot drive because he just never learned (William was NOT about to teach him). He walks most places.

I know this is semi-canon but he likes drawing stuff. He’s not very creative though, so he mostly draws what he sees around him. He ends of up drawing a lot of animatronics and TV show characters.

Mowed lawns and washed cars around the neighborhood for money when he was like 11-12. William was the type of dad who didn’t give pocket change and made his kids work for their own money. Michael wasn’t great at his neighborhood jobs though so people only hired him if they had money to give away and were willing to go through and fix the spots he missed.

The rest of these are Post-Scoop:

The FNaF 3 hallucinations are like a semi-regular issue for him. He occasionally just sees shit. Doesn’t have to be phantom animatronics, though. Can be more chill (by comparison lol) and like people he knew just standing there, weird shadows (especially in reflections) and sounds and voices. [I‘ve talked about this before too, sorry]

Really scared of the dark. Lights on in every room + flashlight on him at all times scared.

The power went out in his house a couple times when it snowed and (even though it didn’t get pitch black because of light from the windows) he did not like it.

He’s also the master of batteries, they’re scattered all over the house.

His power bill is so much. Like you’d drop dead if you saw it. TV and lights and air conditioning on 24/7 drive it up. His water bill is virtually nothing, though, so that’s good.

Doesn’t have issues with money because he has access to William’s bank account somehow.

Still lives in the house he grew up in. I just feel like he does.

Sort of has an issue with animals. They do not like him and will bark at and attack him whenever given the opportunity. He’s literally a dead body and animals tend to not like those. Birds will literally swoop down and attack him sometimes. He has fought two raccoons.

Absolutely a creature of the night. Only leaves the house past midnight and is back before sunrise. This is for a couple reasons, mostly just because there’s less happening at night. He carries a flashlight around when he goes out though bc he’s so scared.

Has like one guy who he’s on good terms with. It’s some random graveyard shift worker at the local corner store. He goes to the same store like every Tuesday or whatever and it’s always the same guy working there. They don’t even say that much to each other but they’re still buddies. When Michael works at the FNaF 1 location the employee is actually kinda sad because he doesn’t come in that week and he’s really confused as to where that guy could have gone or if he finally died or something. And then Michael comes in the next week and the routine continues and the employee will never know what happened that one week the weird guy didn’t come in.

Okay that’s it. <3

[unfortunate17]

ok I love your controversial opinions and I’m definitely in agreement with you about Wille being a boy kisser exclusively. Having no label doesn’t mean he’s automatically bi. Would love to hear your thoughts about when he works this out - was it before or after Simon kissed him for the first time? Was it during his gay panic speed run that it really solidified? Or does it take him years to fully understand that? What did that epiphany look like?

I’m glad you enjoyed those thoughts I really was so drunk when I answered those asks 😭

And honestly, I don’t think Wille’s really aware of his sexuality in a concrete way before he sees Simon, but not because he’s like “oh idk if I like boys” but because he’s never really liked anyone 💀

Wilhelm falls for Simon instantly, yes, but he also doesn’t really like people in general. He barely has any friends throughout the show and that doesn’t seem to bother him - he’s not super social and he’s also tightly controlled by his role & position. Combining those factors, he probably hasn’t met a ton of people.

I really think that if he ever thought a guy was cute, it was probably on TV and he filed it away like whatever never gonna meet this person anyway. Like I don’t believe Wille ever thought he was straight either - he genuinely just didn’t think. And I think this is the root of where his “unlabeledness” comes from.

That scene where Simon first kisses him and Wille pushes him away isn’t because Wille’s unsure about how to label his sexuality, it’s fear that this attraction he’s been feeling is becoming concrete in a way that he has to face and actually deal with. He’s very comfortable giving Simon ~vibes~ and at no point does he question what he’s feeling - until Simon actually makes a move.

Because now it’s like: shit I like him, he likes me, but I’m a prince so can I even have this, have him? What would it mean for me to be with him?

And that’s why he pushes Simon away the next morning. To me, his little gay walk, was him deciding that his feelings for Simon were too strong to ignore, that he wanted Simon more than he was afraid of what it problems it might cause to be with him. It’s a “fuck it, I just want him so bad. idk the consequences, but they’re a future me problem. right now, I just want him.”

If Wilmon weren’t endgame, I’d argue that it would take years and years and years for Wille to move on, not just bc of the depth of his feelings for Simon and everything he represents to him, but also because Wille’s not the type of person to be inclined to find someone. But that’s a whole other argument. 🤪

But also to answer your other question, I do like to think that Wille eventually works out his sexuality especially now that he has the time and space to do so. Maybe he still stays unlabeled, maybe he doesn’t - but I think any clear, concise conclusions he comes to about comphet (bc that Felice scene was comphet at its finest) have to happen outside the shadow of the crown.

[writing-n-memes]

A list of things I don’t like about the Percy Jackson show in no particular order because I’m a hater

- Sally talks back to Gabe. She’s supposed to be a silent rebel and book Sally would never jeopardize Percy’s safety because she’s angry with Gabe. Because I think the writers forgot, the WHOLE reason Gabe is there is because she is protecting Percy with his presence

- Annabeth is too stoic. Obviously, tv Annabeth has emotions and expresses them but it’s very limited in my opinion. Book Annabeth is emotional about everything. She is quick to anger, pride, sadness and to not show it because she’s ‘too smart for that’ is dumb. She’s 12 and emotions are normal

- Instead of Percy seeing the fates cut Luke’s string, it’s annabeth. Annabeth may be closer with Luke, but it should not be her to be aware of Luke’s fate. She’s too close to Luke to be analytical. Percy seeing it made him realize the prophecy is about Luke. Percy is the main character and should give Luke the knife. Also, Annabeth giving Luke the knife wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful because she’s always had faith he would turn around; even after he trapped her under the sky in titans curse. Percy trusted Luke to do the right thing at the exact right time

- Grover is a whole different character. The only example you need to know he’s not book Grover is tv Grover straight up lying/manipulating the god of war to his face. Book Grover is brave but not like that. He has too much respect and fear for the gods. Don’t get me wrong, I like tv Grover, he’s just not accurate to the book

- Misdirect of Clarisse being the lightning thief. What was even the point? Just seemed very random

-Fight scenes were lacking. I can’t entirely explain it, but I was bored for every one of them. Hate to bring the movies into this, but at least the movies had interesting fight scenes that had me on the edge of my seat

- Poseidon was basically a saint in the show, which is a big no no. I’m not saying he can’t be likeable, but Poseidon was NOT that nice. First of all, he wouldn’t go against Zeus like that. Not for Sally, and certainly not for Percy. He would do some minor rebelling, but he would not directly fight or disobey Zeus for either of them.

- Despite the last point, they showed too much of the Olympian’s bad sides. They absolutely would do all of this stuff in the show and more, but Percy shouldn’t be made aware of this yet. Percy knows the gods aren’t great in book 1, but he doesn’t quite know the extent until he finds out about the story of the oracle in book 5. This is why he’s more bitter in heroes of Olympus. He knows more about the god’s bad sides. If book 1 Percy knew/saw all the stuff about the tv show gods, then he probably would’ve led his own rebellion against the gods and Kronos.

- Gabe’s death? Come on. What happened to ‘If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself’ (don’t know if that’s the exact quote). Sally deserved to kill Gabe. Percy could’ve done it, but Sally made the choice for it to be her. Ignoring the fact that Gabe wasn’t abusive, just a general jerk so he didn’t deserve to die, but also, the death being an accident felt easy. Sally killed her husband and she had zero remorse for it. She used his dead statue body to sell and use the money to go back to college and follow her dream of writing a book, while also meeting the real love of her life, Paul Blofis

- Kind of made this point already, but I’d like to specifically point out Athena being too cruel. Not to say she isn’t cruel, because she is. However, the show made it clear too early on. Annabeth is the favorite child up until mark of Athena, that’s why she’s so distraught over her hat losing its invisibility power. Annabeth always had Athena’s respect up until that point. Athena wants to protect Annabeth from Percy in the original series. She would not just try and kill her. At least, not in book 1

- Changing Medusa’s story. I understand to a degree why they did it. There’s been a lot of talk the past few years on social media about what Medusa’s story means to them. They did show Medusa as a victim, but immediately disregarded it because she uses it as an excuse to… kill children for no reason. Might as well have kept the original story in at that point. Not to mention Poseidon sucks, but only in this story, and he’s a saint for the rest of the show. Feels like that makes it worse

- Deadline didn’t matter. They miss it, but it doesn’t matter for no reason. Every book has a deadline, including in every spinoff so what’s going to happen with future seasons? Is the timeline going to be ignored because it was fine the first time? Or are they going to backtrack and say, ‘Ok, THIS time limit matters. Ignore the fact there was an exception the first time’

- Luke is too tamed. Too apologetic. He’s supposed to be angry. So sure he is right that nothing will stand in his way. Not any friend or family could talk him down at this point. We’re not supposed to sympathize with him. Not yet. He is the main villain at this point and there should be no sign of redemption yet. May’s story (his mom) happened way too soon. It was told in the last book for a reason. So Luke could gain sympathy and make Percy question his side; he does question it but doesn’t “trust” Luke until he gives him the knife 100-200 pages later.

- Annabeth was there for Luke’s betrayal. She should not be there because Annabeth is supposed to be a Luke defender for the whole series basically. ‘Luke was wrong, but he can change’ basically. I don’t know how she’s supposed to defend him when she experiences his betrayal firsthand instead of just hearing he betrayed everything she believes in. This is important because it’s the main conflict between Percy and annabeth through the series; Annabeth’s loyalty to Luke. Also, little side note: This is an example of tv Annabeth being too stoic. Book Annabeth would do what she’d have to in this situation, but she’d be a crying mess. Which is fine! Having emotions is normal!

- Dialogue is stiff. I don’t know why it is, but some things just don’t flow. Even direct quotes from the books doesn’t feel right sometimes. Maybe it’s because they rushed filming and should’ve done more takes to get it right? I don’t know. I don’t doubt the actors talents so I’m not blaming them. Walker Scobell did great in the Adam’s Project and he was only 12 I believe! He didn’t have a single line that felt stiff in that movie but his lines along with the other mains seemed a little off at times.

- Kind of goes along with last point; some dialogue is accurate to the characters, but not in the context it’s used in the show. Here’s an example that someone else pointed out and I agree with them completely. Percy’s line about Thalia having a pine cone’s fate is so out of character. Would Percy say that to Thalia in Titan’s curse? Probably. But would book 1 Percy insult and dishonor Thalia’s death after finding out she sacrificed herself for her friends? Absolutely not. Percy thought her story was brave and tragic. Percy would say that line in other cases, but he would not say it under those circumstance.

- Kind of the opposite of previous points, but why is Hades so nice?? They made him into a silly guy and play it off for laughs. It’s supposed to be a serious scene. There’s humor everywhere else in the series so use that humor somewhere else. Hades is angry because Percy ‘stole’ his helm and hates him for the rest of the series. How are they going to make this guy lock Percy up in the last Olympian and fight him? This is the guy Nico is scared of, which is why it was brave he stood up to him. This is the guy who told his son that he wished he died instead of his sister. Just doesn’t seem right

- They figure everything out too fast. They figured out who Medusa and Procrustes is right away. This series is kind of like an introduction to Greek mythology to kids who don’t know anything about it. It’s about learning, but also building up the tension. Knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what. I don’t care that they were all told Greek myths growing up and that 2 of them have been training for years. Learning something in the classroom doesn’t mean they will automatically know what to do in a real life scenario. Monsters are supposed to TRICK. That’s what happens in almost every book.

- Why were there four pearls only for them to lose one? When I first read the book, I didn’t think about them needing more than three so it felt super unnecessary

- I know I’m pointing out too much about each god that appears but I don’t care. Ares admitting he loves his family is soooo weird. Pretty sure he would take over and destroy most of them

- tv show watchers don’t know how close Luke and Annabeth are. Those two barely interact and they tell us a couple times they’re close from lines like ‘She’s like a sister’ and whatnot, but it doesn’t accurately portray the care they have for one another. It doesn’t help that Annabeth barely reacted to his betrayal in the show

[uptoolateart]

Having had time to process the Season 5 finale, and read people’s very interesting takes on it, my one remaining issue with it is…Adrien and Marinette’s character arcs.

Looking at Adrien first...he was on a journey, man. He started out so naïve and helpless, like this precious little bundle of light and joy who wanted to love everyone. You knew it wouldn’t last. You only hoped he retained that spirit even after he was broken...and you knew he’d break hard.

We watched him grow. Strike Back was huge. Season 5 was huge. We saw him speak up and try to take action. That fight with Gabriel in Representation? One of the best things in the show, in my opinion – what I’d been waiting for, for five seasons.

But what I’ve been saying for years is…I didn’t want him to be ‘saved’. I wanted him to save himself - with her support, of course. After all that growth, I didn’t want him to continue to be the damsel in distress. It doesn’t matter that it’s a boy being saved by a girl, this time. Sure, that turns tables, but it’s not enough. Boys shouldn’t need coddling any more than girls. I wanted partnership.

Maybe I built it up too much in my head. It doesn’t help that I wrote my own Season 5 before the TV version started airing. I guess it’s taking me some time to let go of my ideas and accept that none of it went remotely the way I expected. In a way…that’s a good thing. It’s good to be surprised. Just…

I wanted Adrien to face off with his father, knowing who he was. I wanted him to see his mother and learn the truth of it all. I wanted him to get that closure. I didn’t want everyone continuing to lie and keep him in the dark as if he’s still the same naïve, helpless, precious little bundle of light and joy he was at the start of the whole story.

I’m okay with Gabriel winning. I was actually hoping that would happen, because it’s a great idea. It was also such a Chekov’s gun – we had to see it happen, after all that teasing. Not to mention, there was no way they’d simply kill Gabriel or lock him away in prison, because both would have been too anticlimactic after all the drama. We needed something big and we got it.

I just wanted Adrien to be there for it. Not off-screen, locked in a room. And I know, I know, he took part in the battle in his own way, by having the self-awareness to remove his ring in order to save humanity and avert a Cat Blanc scenario. But Ladybug doesn’t even know what he did. She doesn’t know the extent of the part he played. She thinks she saved him. But he saved her, too…and everyone else in the world…and even he probably doesn’t realise that in full, because he doesn’t know just how bad it could have been, had he learned Monarch was his father.

Looking at Marinette…she has spent this whole show keeping secrets from people. Cat Noir really deserves to know about Cat Blanc - how much trouble has that secret caused? Now she’s keeping from Adrien the whole fact that his father was the villain, and that it all revolved around his mother. When is she going to learn that it’s not up to her to decide what someone should or shouldn’t know? That she doesn’t need to treat this boy like fragile porcelain? You cannot be in a relationship with someone where you treat them like a child. That’s called being his mother, not his girlfriend or partner.

Unless she doesn’t know. I keep coming back to this, in my mind. Maybe in this reality, she’s under the same delusions as Adrien and remembers things differently. Maybe she’s been duped into thinking Gabriel was a hero, too, because he changed everything for everyone in it, including her. If so…yeah, that’s really interesting…and horrible….

But I still wish Adrien had been there.

I just wanted him in the basement. Is that too much to ask for??? In Risk, we saw him pick up that eyepiece thing Felix left behind in the mansion. He pocketed it. He was meant to use it at some point, to find the spots on the painting and find the lift and find the basement. It never materialised, I think because they changed plans when the show got signed for more seasons. That scene was meant to happen and I can’t stand that it didn’t. I accept everything else. I just wanted him in that finale.

And as awesome as Marinette was, unifying the miraculous like no other holder before...it kind of showed that she could do the whole thing without him...and I’m not okay with that. She needs to know what he did.

So, now I’m back where I already was, waiting for everyone to realise he isn’t made of glass and he can stand on his own. Come on, Adrien, come on – show them all what we know you’re made of!

[graymanshoots]

hello! can i request self conscious shy chubby reader with tf 141? pretty please?

Say less I gotchu (Coming from a shy chubby author)

Let me know if there’s anything I could improve on I’m open to constructive and respectful feedback

!This is gender neutral and racially unspecified/suggested!

Personally, I think all of these men would be very attentive lovers and be able to sense when you were feeling down about yourself.

The only two I believe would be very aware and more understanding of your disdain for your personal image are Simon and Kyle.

They both have likely been in situations where the way they looked was a sore spot for them, so I don’t doubt that they’d have a better understanding than the captain or Johnny.

Anyways here is everyone individually :

John Price

Insecurity often happens in the bedroom, so I can see Price being concerned when the reader isn’t showing as much interest in having sex.

He doesn’t necessarily care if he’s having sex with you or not; he just noticed the shift in behavior and got worried.

John overthinks, and he’ll blame himself first, thinking he must have been gone too long or said the wrong thing, before eventually realizing what the actual issue was after noticing that you wore oversized clothing more often.

He’s upset that you didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to him about your insecurities and will make sure to let you know that he is a safe space.

He tries to joke around to make you feel better and shows off his own tummy that’s covered in a healthy layer of fat, patting it like “what’s wrong with a lil tummy?”

Once it’s all said and done, he makes sure to reassure you now and then that he thinks you're gorgeous no matter what kind of body you have, and if you ever feel down, he’s there for you.

"Of all the sins I’ve committed, the universe still blesses me with a beauty like you," John mumbled sleepily, his arm wrapped around you, pulling you into his warm body as his hand rested on your hip. He presses soft kisses to the back of your neck as you try to squirm away from the ticklish sensation, a smile splitting across your cheeks. “Go to sleep, John,” you huff, feeling content in his arms.

Simon Riley

Simon noticed the moment you started feeling off about yourself, recognizing the look as if he were in a mirror. It’s the reason he suggested taking a shower with you, using the guise of being too tired after long weeks away and needing your help (blatant lie; Simon never needs help, and if he did, he wouldn’t ask you because he doesn’t want to burden his Lovie).

Simon will stand in front of the mirror with you, stark naked, and make you look at yourself.

He’ll stand behind you like a shadow, moving his hands over all of his favorite parts of you (spoiler alert: that’s all of you).

He doesn’t go too far with the touching, not wanting to lose the point he was trying to make.

Simon will help you soap up in the shower, making sure to be deliberate with his movements. He didn’t want to emphasize what you thought was wrong with you but show you that all of you is perfect.

Once out of the shower, he’ll want to lounge around for a bit naked. Probably put on a movie and just lay nudie on the couch, a blanket splayed over the both of you.

Simon rubbed up and down your back as you laid over his chest. The TV casting a soft glow over the two of you. His fingers ran gently up your spine and back down, the repetitive movement lulling you into a docile state. You see him in the corner of your eyes staring at you, deep in thought, before he brings his hand to the back of your head, pulling you closer to his chest as he presses a kiss to your scalp.

Kyle Garrick

While Kyle doesn’t pick it up as quickly as Simon, he’s definitely right in his tail when it comes to that.

Kyle has been noticing you skipping out on meals since he came back from the field, watching you opt for small snacks instead of actual food.

He is extremely alarmed when you say you're not hungry even though he made your favorite food.

He becomes a detective and starts questioning why you aren’t hungry, and when you don’t give him a straight answer, he’ll start guessing.

Eventually, you get tired of his guessing and just admit that you're trying to lose weight by eating less, and he is DISTRESSED.

He explains to you that skipping meals isn’t the proper way to go about it and that a proper and healthy diet over a minimal diet is way more effective.

He will then question why you’d want to lose weight when you're so perfect, and once you explain, he’s more sympathetic.

Kyle will sit with you and make sure that you eat before bringing you to bed.

Kyle seems like a very physical person, and I feel like he would see the best way to show you how to love yourself is to show you how much he loves you.

He will body worship you with endless praise, even if you don’t have sex; he’s still giving you words of affirmation.

He buys you a journal for you to write affirmations about yourself daily, and he’ll tell you how proud he is of you constantly.

Kyle kisses at the stretch marks that decorate your body, massaging down the side of your body. “I couldn’t even imagine getting the chance to love someone more perfect than you, no matter how many people claim perfection is impossible,” he hums in satisfaction, drowning in the absolute adoration he has for you.

John Mactavish

Johnny is most likely the slowest to act since he’s so infatuated with you. He doesn’t think that you could ever think poorly of yourself because he thinks of you so highly.

That being said, when he sees you working out past exhaustion in the gym, he quickly steps in.

He takes whatever weight you're holding and racks it back up before tending to you.

If this hadn’t been such an alarming situation, he would have found it endearing how you splayed on the gym mat all sweaty. He might’ve made a dirt joke about it in a different situation.

But he is looking at you, his expression hard and stern; you're almost worried he’s going to yell at you.

He quickly softens upon seeing your expression and questions you on why you’re breaking yourself down so aggressively.

When he gets his answer, he isn’t pleased. He’s extremely disappointed in himself as your significant other for not having made you feel safe in your body.

He’s like Price when it comes to taking the blame, but for Johnny, he just can’t comprehend you disliking any part of yourself.

He doesn’t really know how to comfort you in this situation and instead brings you on weekly spa days and buys you things.

Johnny hasn’t really dealt with body image issues, and he’s really so stupidly in love with you that he doesn’t know what to say to make you feel better.

He’ll shower you in affection and watch you like a hawk any time you go to the gym together.

He gives you what he can and hopes that you’ll understand how gorgeous you are through his actions.

Johnny will slow down on working out and eat more, claiming he’s “bulking,” but really he’s trying to soften out his hard muscle so that you see there’s nothing wrong with your stomach.

“Me so hungry,” he says in a high-pitched voice, squishing his stomach to make it look like it was talking as he walked into the kitchen. “Ya hear that Bonnie, don’t ye hear the poor lad growling.” He jokes, earning a laugh from you. You were eating a little bowl of grapes when he walked in, which made him beam. He steals a grape from your bowl, replacing it with a quick kiss to your lips before walking to the fridge to get his own snack.

[normiedoctorwho]

I think about the massacre episode of doctor who a lot. Not only is it the rare companion driven story, but I truthfully love the character drama. Doctor who was originally billed as an educational program for children. The time travel so children could learn about historical events and the future stuff so they could learn about science. And what the massacre does is makes Steven an audience surrogate because he doesn’t know about this tragedy at all.

Doctor Who is a British tv show and this event was a French tragedy, so they might not even be aware this happened. Granted I’m coming at this from an American perspective and like it might’ve been mentioned in a AP European history course I took in high school but not in depth. Just another tragedy of the Protestant reformation.

But here in Doctor who, you learn what happened through Steven’s interactions with those who were there. And as it all plays out you’re forced to contend with the fact that this happened. This was real. They were real people, not just a page in the history. Steven’s reaction of shock and anger to the Doctor asserting that he was right to do as he did and that he wasn’t guilty of Ann’s possible death is how we’d all react. How could he turn that girl away! He saved Katarina from the fall of Troy after all!

But then you’d remember how that played out. What happened to Katarina. And suddenly the Doctor’s motives for leaving Ann behind become more muddled. Was it actually to preserve history? Or was it because he thought Ann had a better chance of surviving the St Bartholomew day’s massacre than she did in the TARDIS?

But Steven doesn’t think of this, and most of the audience probably doesn’t either. So he storms off. Not even caring where the TARDIS lands next. Granted Steven comes back like 5 minutes later and we don’t know why, and the Doctor is absolved of Ann’s murder via Dodo’s existence, but still.

I know I went off topic there at the end but the point is doctor who expertly educated it’s audience on a historical event. And it gets the audience invested in what happened by leveraging their lack of knowledge. So that like Steven, you never want anyone to needlessly die like that again.

It’s probably my favorite who story after remembrance of the daleks and I wish people would give it a chance, despite it being lost. The audio drama version on audible is very well done.

Edit: last thing. A subtle detail I really like is when the Doctor realized what’s about to happen, he called Ann by her name before he told her to leave asap. The first Doctor always called the young women he met my child, so the gravity of what was going to happen hit him hard and they were hiding in a somewhat famous Huguenot’s house. The Doctor was genuinely trying to save her within the rules he thought he had to go by.

[mazzystar24]

idk how tim is keeping her around… like its so clear the fandom hates her and wants her gone- just read the comments on the stills. i understand that her contract probably requires her to be in a certain number of episodes, but tim has really fucked with her storyline this season and made her a bigger character than she ever needed to be and i genuinely don’t understand his choice to do so… if it were to somehow play into eddie’s sexuality, there are a myriad of other ways that could be introduced without givinf a transphobe screentime and along with some of tim’s other choices this season really makes me doubt if he knows what he’s doing at times…. i was so excited for him to come back as showrunner because i thought yk maybe they would stop dragging their feet on buddie but every day it feels more and more like baiting and that we’re simultaneously closer yet further away than we’ve ever been and it’s making me not trust time anymore. and with the jlh live making the joke about buddie not happening it’s making it so hard to remain optimistic… like i will forever be a buddie shipper first and foremost, but i also know how network tv shows use shit like this to their advantage when it comes to baiting and pulling in audiences to watch- it’s been done over and over and over and as much as i want to believe tim wouldn’t do that to us, it’s getting harder and harder to trust him every day. i’ve never considered folding in a series i’ve so vehemently loved before but this season has really messed with my head and i don’t know if i can continue putting myself through the torture if there won’t be any payoff.

Hi anon! Totally meant to reply to this before the episode so obviously my answer is a bit different (but not overtly so)

This episode confirmed Marisol is on her way out so small victories of the transphobe getting kicked to the curb

Totally understand where you’re coming from with being disheartened and like obviously look out for yourself first and foremost but if you’re looking for reassurance I think that like

1. Jlh will only have limited knowledge like Devon was saying even her, edy and Ryan were trying to get info from eachother on who’s staying and stuff and also jlh did clarify it’s a joke and also if buddie were going to have some confirmation this season they would be telling all the actors to keep it hush hush and throw people off guessing it

2. It’s true tv networks do like using that stuff to promote shows but also abc very much seems to recognise that fans make or break a show that’s why you see a lot of shows on it like greys or the rookie do tend to keep an eye on fan reactions and respond accordingly and by that logic if the tv network is aware enough of the fact they can promote a show by even hinting at buddie undertones then they know that full canon would do favours for their ratings, and Tim did say one of the main obstacles to bi buck canon was the network back when they were on fox

3. Things are constantly in progress and we still have s8 so there is never cause to be like there is no hope, like if they didn’t want buddie canon on the table they would have said so but they constantly establish that it’s on the table and if the story progresses that way then they’d all be on board

I gotta pulls a Serena and say I gotta go but thanks anon for the ask and hope it’s somehow reassuring

Remember bestie delulu is the solulu🥰❤️🫶🤡🤩✨

(yes I had to make a joke somewhere cos I’m extremely awkward)

[runninguplenorahills]

You just love stealing peoples posts and ideas and not crediting them don't you??

I’ve been here for half a year and so it happens that I might repeat things that have already been said before by other people, without being aware of it. I’ve never stolen someone’s post before!! I’ve simply made the same observation! Just because there’s a time delay doesn’t mean I actually know about the other post!

I’m pretty sure this is about the El/Nancy ring parallel and I just wann say that as far as I know, I’ve been the first one to point out that El’s s4 ring and Nancy’s s1 ring look near identical!

That post of mine is from January and I’ve just today became aware of the fact that @bookfansworld has made a post about this already in November, though they’re actually talking about a different one of Nancy’s rings (one from s4). So while we came to the same conclusion, we did not even make the same observation!

In their post they also pointed out that El’s ring is a heart while I personally thought it was a circle, and now that I looked it up (literally about two hours ago) I observed that it’s neither. This is something I found out for myself today, so if that was already a widely known information in the byler tag due to someone else pointing it out way before me, I simply did not know that!

This is as if I would make people credit me for using the inverted buff dragon poster in their posts because as far as I now I’m the one who pointed out that it looks like the gay flag first! But just because I pointed it out first doesn’t mean everyone saw my post and it also doesn’t mean that no one can make that observation by themselves anymore! If someone were to post that exact inverted buff dragon poster today, who am I to tell them that they stole my post?? They probably don’t even know my post exists!!!

So, my dear anon, it is very rude to immediately assume that someone stole someone else’s post just because it includes the same observation (or the same conclusion). Stranger Things is a tv show and there are millions of people watching it! People are bound to make the same observations over and over again!

And I guarantee everyone, whenever I am aware of another blog pointing out something that I’m about to discuss, I always tag them or their post! For example @there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow once made an amazing post about the Japanese fan in Suzie’s room which inspired me to do my own and I of course tagged their post!! Or @aemiron-main has the most genius analyses and whenever I’m picking up on one of his posts I tag him as well! But this is only possible when I’m aware of someone’s post!! If I’m not aware of another post that points out the same thing that I’m about to point out with my own post, I naturally cannot tag it or the blog!

So if I should ever post something and you guys know a post that says the same thing/shows the same observation, tell me! Just leave a quick: “Hey Lenora, I just wanted to let you know that there’s this post by @/ and your post is very similar to theirs so you might wanna tag them.” because I will, guys! I will tag them once I’m aware their post exists!!

[empyrean-thrones]

Do you think Rebecca was inspired by any real world cultures when she was writing about Poromiel? I was wondering if she was vaguely inspired by Central Asian or Indigenous cultures mostly because of the mounted archery culture and the Poromish exports of unique textiles and grain and gems.

Rebecca is pretty clueless and careless when it comes to respectfully representing real world cultures, we saw that with the way she used the Gaelic language in the books. Do you think there will ever be a point in the next few years where Rebecca might say “yes I was inspired by ____ culture when writing about Poromiel”? Or do you think she will avoid that conversation so she can avoid accountability if it becomes glaringly obvious that she is probably lazily misrepresenting yet another culture?

I don’t know how to feel about it if Rebecca is actually inspired by Central Asian or Indigenous culture. On one hand, Rebecca does not seem to be a very mindful and informed person when it comes to non ignorant representation, but on the other hand, I enjoy the Poromish characters and the concept of Poromiel and I would love to see more Central Asian and Indigenous representation in the media if Rebecca is coached through how to do it respectfully. Avatar the Last Airbender manages to represent real cultures in a fantasy world pretty respectfully. I do not think a respectful representation of real world cultures is impossible, both in the book and the tv show if it ever happens. What are your thoughts? Do you think it would be too bold and a bad idea for Rebecca to say that Poromiel is heavily inspired by Asian or Indigenous culture or something like that?

I would love it if she was at least vaguely inspired by Asian culture, but considering the way Poromiel is written makes me uneasy.

See how Tàirn and Vi react to Cordyn:

“See that sorry excuse for a fortress on the eastern side of the farthest peak?” [Tairn] asks…“You mean the palace that looks like it’s glowing?” The structure is a sprawling, glistening combination of white pillars and blue pools that cascade in five distinct terraces down the gentle slope of the hills above the beach. “It’s just the sun reflecting off the white marble,” he grumbles. “The entire thing is ridiculous and indefensible.” How… beautiful. What a luxury to build a place like this, designed purely for aesthetics. No high walls or portcullises. Tairn’s right. It’s utterly indefensible, and it will fall should venin choose to take it…” — Iron Flame, Chapter 40

My immediate thought upon reading that was: “oh, it’s probably just a vacation home. The Viscount’s real house is probably more fortified.” But Violet never really has similar thoughts so maybe I’m just smarter than her.

Why would she consider it a luxury to build a place designed for aesthetics when her country’s safely protected by a giant magic wall and should have tons of buildings made for aesthetics? You’d think she was raised poor but her mom’s the general of the army and it’s mentioned how riders get better pay/perks so like…? 🤨 I don’t mind Cordyn being beautiful looking; I think it’s much better than just describing Poromiel as simply a war torn country, but this excerpt makes it seem like their stupid for wanting to use their wealth to show off their artistry and culture.

They have their own gods but we never hear anything about them or what their names are. Poromiel has two geographical landmarks that are named after the Navarrian pantheon (Dunness River and Bay of Malek) which is really weird considering Navarre doesn’t seem to influence Poromish culture as far as I’m aware.

And then there’s the poor gryphons. Tàirn calls them inferior twice.

“The gryphon ahead of us dips into a sharp descent and Tairn follows suit, tucking his wings and getting just close enough to the gryphon to let him know he’s no match. “Stop intimidating them.” The last thing we need is an incident before we can even ask Tecarus for the luminary. “I can’t help their inferiority.” There’s a definite smile in his tone…” — IF, Chapter 40

This is in response to Syrena and Brennan telling the riders to show an ounce of sympathy for the fliers on the way up the Medaro Pass:

“I wouldn’t risk either of you.” “Of course you wouldn’t. Why would you, when I’m quite capable of carrying you all over the world?” I can feel [Tairn’s] eyes roll. “You did not bond the inferiority that are gryphons. You bonded dragons.” — IF, Chapter 43

The way they’re written is, quite frankly, rooted in stupidity. The magical creatures who are part bird can’t fly at high altitudes, don’t produce signets, and are slower fliers than dragons. But don’t worry! They can run really fast on the ground!

Okay. So they should have ostrich legs, right? They should be part ostrich instead of eagles if that’s the case since eagle legs aren’t designed for running long distances.

This one comment on YouTube said it best about the gryphon nonsense:

But to get back to Rebecca Yarros and Poromiel being based off Central Asia and Indigenous cultures, I don’t think she has the balls to admit she was inspired by them because of the backlash to her mispronounciation of Scots Gaelic words and her Instagram post on the current ongoing genocide. She hasn’t said a word regarding Palestine after that so I doubt she’ll say anything relating to the topic in the future unless absolutely necessary.

I’m hoping the tv series does Poromiel justice by actually exploring the culture and lore instead of brushing past it like the books do. Maybe in the next three books we’ll get more gryphon lore but my expectations are low rn.

[eldrai]

Please do!

Bless you, anon, for asking about it. Apologies in advance for wonky tumblr formatting. My response is uploaded on my ao3 here and is probably easier to read there.

This Is Calm And He’s A Doctor

Fandom Ableism in Criminal Minds

So this is a response to my post here which is talking about ableism in fandom spaces. The most major trend in the CM fandom (not the show – the show treats anything that isn’t depression or anxiety as Horrifying Serial Killer disorder because it’s 2000s copaganda) is the infantilisation of Reid.

As an autistic person myself, to be honest, I find it really uncomfortable.

Disclaimer: this is a trend I’ve noticed and is not about any one person in particular. Just want to make that very clear. Also yes, I know this is fanfiction, people do this for fun, they owe me nothing. And this isn’t me telling people not to write Reid or that they should only do it one way. This is me explaining my discomfort. That is all.

Reid is incredibly smart, not only in achieving his PhDs at his age but the outside knowledge he has of just about everything due to his eidetic memory. He’s also good at making connections between items of evidence and picking up on patterns in the geographical profiles. Since the start of the series he’s gained more confidence in social interactions and he’s shown to be able to fend for himself in interactions with unsubs both in interviews and out. He carries a gun after he passed the qualifications for it early on in the series. He often gives clear lectures on topics he’s an expert on in front of full auditoriums (and OK, his jokes might not always land but that’s hardly a professional impairment). He is at minimum competent and most of the time far more than that. And he’s autistic.

Though it’s never confirmed technically, it’s a popular interpretation followed by a lot of people, and a lot of those people write autistic!Reid as a dedicated tag. Due to CM being, again, an early 2000s TV programme, he is never allowed more clear identifiers but it’s generally agreed he is autistic, whether that’s the main plot point of a fic or not.

Yet there is a trend in fanfic where Reid is treated like a child. An adult autistic FBI agent with multiple PhDs treated like the baby of the team because he is autistic (or displays autistic traits) and as an autistic person, it’s uncomfortable to see happen. Even on a less personal level, the portrayal of Reid as relying on the team as opposed to being supported by them, like the rest of the characters are, is just out of character. This is the same man who had to take care of his schizophrenic mother after his father left. Beyond his addiction, he is never shown to be unable to take care of himself. I don’t doubt part of the infantilisation comes from the addiction but that’s not a topic I know enough about to have much of a take on, which is why I’m focusing on the autism instead.

I want to make it clear that this treatment of Reid is not automatically the same as fics with him being more ‘openly’ autistic or having higher support needs. It’s a venn diagram with some overlap but it’s not a given thing. There are plenty of really good fanfic out there that doesn’t infantilise him. Nor am I saying the people who do infantilise him do it out of malice or on purpose.

The difference is in the approach and intent.

An adult with high support needs is still an adult. You wouldn’t treat them like a child because they are an adult. If someone had trouble with auditory processing or following instructions and required clearer and simpler phrasing, you might talk to them differently but you would still not talk to them like a child – an adult with specific needs. You wouldn’t be talking down because you are aware you’re talking to an adult. To automatically talk to the adult as you would a child is ableist. To view them as less capable of understanding is ableist. The entire concept of ‘mental age’ is bad, though other people have written far more about that in disabled circles, because it often leads people to treat disabled adults as children.

There is nothing inherently childish about disabled adults or anyone with higher support needs. And autistic people are autistic but we are not only autistic.

And this is where I think people can go wrong – even and especially people with good intentions! In not erasing Reid’s autistic traits it’s easy to get caught up on focusing on him being autistic. And that isn’t inherently bad.

But when the writing or narrative starts to treat him like a child, that’s when it becomes uncomfortable. Because it strips away his agency and erases who he is as a character. It suggests that autistic people and/or their needs are childish just for being autistic. Infantilisation is a very real thing for many, many autistic people so to see it in fic over and over again, especially for Reid whose character epitomises intelligence, can get incredibly wearing.

For example, this ask highlights that the language used can be condescending:

I think the other thing I’ve seen (as an autistic adult very close in age to S1 Reid) is that the other characters (particularly Hotch) will call Reid “buddy”

In canon, the only person Hotch ever calls buddy is Jack, and Jack is four-five in most of his appearances. In his last appearance, he’s about ten. So that is just something that kind of infuriates me. In a lot of interactions people write between the team and autistic Reid, it sounds more like the interaction should happen with Henry or Jack, when Reid is a fully grown adult.

When the interaction between an autistic adult and his colleagues who have the same job as him can be imagined between a child instead, it comes across as incredibly infantilising. We do see Morgan call him ‘kid’ in the show but that comes across as light teasing, more because Reid’s the youngest and (at the start) newest member of the team, sort of like siblings.

Another example of the wider treatment of Reid in the fandom, not just limited to fic, is the way other characters are often demonised for interrupting him when on the job. I love Reid’s infodumping and it is genuinely endearing. I’ve also been in similar situations where I either do realise I need to stop or someone gives me some cue to. But Reid has a job to do – generally a pretty urgent one. Yes, the others can be more polite in cutting him off, especially in the earlier seasons. No, I don’t think it is as rude as some people do. They do need to move on from topic to topic, especially at a crime scene with a lot of evidence and clues to process, and Reid would know that the job involves that. Sometimes it is necessary to move on and the team often does this with just his name – which is not a particularly negative cue in itself.

This often ties in with the belief that he’s unable to stick up for himself if he did see it as rude. As Reid mentions: he was in LA public schools at nine and he is an adult during the series, albeit a young one. I doubt he completely lacks the ability to ask someone not to interrupt him – the same colleagues he’s comfortable enough with to mess around with physics tricks. If it is shown they address him as Dr. Reid deliberately so local police know how to address him, I believe the show might have shown if he was uncomfortable with being interrupted.

As the show goes on we also see this become more casual and more easily intuited by Reid, which suggests it’s not something he is opposed to. This interaction between him and Hotch in 7x07

    Reid: I’m rambling again, aren’t I?

Hotch: Yes.

is presented naturally in the show, and Reid himself being the one to ask Hotch shows that he does not mind being told when he is rambling. (Also, I firmly believe this is one of the most autistic interactions in the entire show from both sides but that’s neither here nor there). A few episodes later in 7x11 Reid calls out someone faking their cousin being the unsub for attention in front of many people and news cameras so I think it’s fair to say by this time in canon he’d be confident enough to speak to the team about his infodumping.

In 7x21 this is even more casual, where Hotch lightly taps Reid on the arm again implying that it is a relatively common occurrence. Even in an early season (2x13) Hotch does it with the dialogue “Reid. Stop, please.” and it’s worth noting that beforehand, Prentiss was engaging with his infodumping, not discouraging. In another episode it is “Reid. Reid. How do we find them?” which arguably redirects him to explain how his observation is linked to the case rather than cutting it off completely.

Therefore I find that the impact of the team interrupting or redirecting Reid is often not as large as many people insinuate or, to phrase it better, the intent and execution of it by the team as less mean. Again, autistic people are not children: Reid is more than capable of (a) dealing with hurt feelings and (b) speaking up about hurt feelings and is never shown to dislike the team for it. While this can be a painful experience for autistic people in real life it is not presented as such in the show and implying it must automatically be for Reid erases his agency and ability to handle such situations and/or emotions on his own.

As an aside, the belief that Hotch is mean/cold/unemotional is often evidenced by his lack of expression and affect. I have no problem with that belief based on canon evidence. What I am not a fan of is this idea that if you don’t perform emotions correctly – i.e. the way society at large decides people should – that you lack them entirely.

Reid’s canon snippier or badass moments, such as 3x14, going into the train to talk to the psychotic unsub, talking down numerous other unsubs and more I haven’t even seen yet (as of early Season 9)  – many of them except the iconic “This is calm and it’s Doctor.” – are often overlooked to feed into this narrative. Reid is highly capable and it’s proven many times throughout the show. His performance only really suffers during/after the Maeve ordeal, his dilaudid addiction and the migraine arc, which are all reasonable circumstances that any person would find it hard to work well through.

And this idea of Reid being more fragile than he really is in canon has a tendency to extend to fic via his hurt feelings being used as a plot device for members of the team to have to help or ‘save’ him as if he couldn’t do those things if they weren’t there to remind him. Full disclosure here: this includes a couple of my own fics too. When the plot hinges around Reid, who is more than competent, being unable to deal with a few mean words and relies on the allistic (non-autistic) people rescuing him… it can feel demeaning.

That isn’t to say he can’t ever be fragile or hurt. That’s not to say those things can’t ever bother him because of course they can, and the team should be there for him. But like the rest of the team, he is fully capable of holding his own. If nothing else, to say he isn’t is out of character.

Another area in which the infantilisation becomes quite clear is in shipping.

Again, I’m going to add a disclaimer that no ships, tropes and/or dynamics themselves are inherently the problem. That just isn’t how it works and to claim otherwise would be wrong and also erasing all the works using those things which do portray Reid well in character.

Most Reid ships using D/S or omegaverse dynamics place him into the traditionally submissive role as the smaller, more ‘innocent’ character. Admittedly this will have a lot to do with the stereotypes of masculine behaviour and appearance and there are people who can articulate that far better than I can. However, the choice frequently made to have the autistic character fill this role is worth questioning as I believe his autism plays a significant role in the decision.

There is a common stereotype of autistic characters being asexual and inexperienced with sex, or overly ‘innocent’ and pure despite being adults. It’s worth saying that there is nothing wrong with asexual autistic characters, especially when they are made or headcanoned by autistic and/or autistic asexuals, and asexual autistic people’s existence is not fulfilling stereotypes. The innocent perception comes from the idea autistic adults are unable of comprehending or enjoying sex, a blanket stereotype which can be harmful to real life autistic people.

In Reid’s case, he’s an adult who works for the BAU. He has seen incredibly graphic crime scenes which often involve sexual components and he is not shy about discussing the significance of the sexual elements. I would not say this makes him new to the subject even if he has not had or does not have sex. And though his awkwardness is often used as something of a joke, he’s shown at multiple points throughout the series to display romantic interest and have people be interested in him (Reid getting phone numbers and being propositioned, for starters, as well as Maeve) including Lila.

Yet many fics like to portray him as immature and completely new to the idea of sex to contrast him with someone more dominant and experienced who can show him the ropes, pun not intended. He’s hardly Derek Morgan but he is not completely unused to the idea of romantic and/or sexual relationships and the automatic assumption he would be – that his lack of major interest is an inherent quality in him rather than a choice, like with any other adult – reinforces the idea of autistic adults as innocent and childish.

(Note: it’s the idea of innocence vs the role of submissive that I’m questioning here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with autistic adults, real and fictional, taking on submissive roles. It’s just about being a constant pattern in fanfic.)

This is overwhelmingly present in Hotchreid fanfiction, though definitely not all: a tendency for Reid to be stripped of his wit, his immense knowledge and his confidence to fit neatly into the mold of almost helpless, ‘pure’ man relying on Hotch. Because it is almost always Reid forced into this role.

Why can’t Reid be dominant? Why can’t Reid enjoy sex just as much as other characters? Because he doesn’t have to talk about it all the time to do that. Why is it so often Reid being lead, Reid being new, Reid in that submissive role? I believe sometimes it is a good thing to question why we write what we write.

Of course, I see the appeal of Hotchreid and I see why people ship it. I’ve got nothing against it as a ship – the whole younger/older man thing? Yeah. It’s a big draw. And I’m not saying Reid is only ever put into that more submissive role because he’s autistic, because he isn’t, but I do believe it is a factor.

(A quick mostly unrelated tangent: Hotch married his childhood sweetheart. For most of the series he has only ever had two partners – if either of them are going to know the intricacies of BDSM, I’d put my money on the single avid reader. But that’s the fun of fiction, playing around with stuff!)

Even in fics without such dynamics (and I stress again the use of dynamics itself has nothing to do with my qualms here) the perception of Reid as the inexperienced partner who needs taking care of tends to bleed through. Having the autistic character seen as such where there is no reason he should be is again infantilising him, presenting him as less of an equal in maturity in the relationship.

This is my biggest reason to believe his autism can lead to the infantilisation. There is no need for someone to be so submissive out of a relationship with defined dynamics so the fact so many fics do still push elements of those tropes onto Reid is very telling. Like there’s something about Reid which makes people view him as more inexperienced and needy.

Hell, fanart often depicts Reid as much smaller in proportion to the team where canonically, there is only about an inch difference in height between Hotch (1.87m) – the tallest – and Reid and Morgan, who are both around 6’1” (1.85m) and this is in pieces which are not overly stylised. Reid might be a pipe cleaner with eyes (my favourite insult) but he’s not a short one. To be clear I’m not criticizing the quality of the art, because fanartists are incredibly talented, but the decision to make Reid so much smaller.

In particular, there is often a larger difference in size between Reid and Morgan than canonically exists with Reid being smaller and Morgan larger than canon. Black fans in other spaces have pointed out trends in fandom with racist overtones, e.g:

    Black/brown characters written or drawn as significantly larger (height and muscle-wise) than their canon self and/or a white character or a light-skinned character of color [Source]

It’s not my place to speak about this, so I’ll leave you with their thoughts and just add that Reid’s autistic traits go hand-in-hand with babying him.

It extends to platonic interactions with the team, at times treating him little better than an actual child. See: calling him ‘buddy’ which is the term literally used about Jack. Reid may be the youngest but he is a functioning part of the team, not a responsibility, not an obligation, yet so many fics work with the framework that he is simply unable to recognise his own needs. A trained FBI agent, may I remind you. And that’s not to say that he never struggles or he should never have his friends caring for him, but that it shouldn’t be any different to any of the rest of the team being comforted.

These things aren’t necessarily a problem but when they happen over and over again, all the time, when they start to become a pattern, it does raise the question: what about this character suggests he should be treated with kid gloves?

It isn’t intentional. I will say that now and I do believe it: people aren’t looking at Reid, going ‘oh, he’s autistic,’ and immediately deciding to put him in those roles. We are rarely so straightforward and most biases like that are completely unconscious. That’s what makes them tricky to talk about and to understand. Furthermore, having Reid be treated that way reads as out of character at times – this is the same Reid who has jokes made about his age, who the team go out of their way to introduce as Dr. specifically so that people know and respect him. Would they really turn around and treat him like he’s incapable of independence? Would Reid want or tolerate that?

And I’m not saying nobody should write the topics I’ve mentioned. These things existing is not a problem: sub Reid, omega Reid, the team taking care of. It’s when they become the only things Reid’s story is about, when the need for Reid to be infantilised is central to the story and his real character is erased, that we should question why.

Because from where I stand it looks an awful lot like his autistic traits.

[ckygetsjobs]

voicemail 

Dico x Reader

A/n: idk why i only make dico shit when I’m sad, idk why. Anyways me when I make another vent woo…

You always had a hard time getting out of bed, or going out in general (which you didn’t a lot.) But sometimes you had to and it caused you to be pissed off a lot. You tended to avoid practically everyone, friend or not. Today though, luckily, you had all day to rot in your bed probably watching dvds from the crazy collection you had accumulated. That is until you heard your phone ring, “god fucking dammit,” you whispered in the darkish room. Even though it was bright outside you had black out curtains, and if you couldn’t see you had glowing lights that hanged on top of your closet. You never turned on your actual light, bright shit wasn’t your thing. 

You didn’t even look at the caller id, you couldn’t give a shit who it was, favorite person or not, you were not answering the phone. You had donuts next to your bed that you ate a little bit of before you started watching he-man and the masters of the universe, music hazily coming out of your CD player next your bed. You did have horrible taste and you mostly listened to every genre, but that was the best part. As you were laughing at skeletor’s ridiculous outright impossible antics, a knock sounded on your door. You had no intention of getting it, continuing to watch the show, but the knocker was very frequent and annoying that you grumbled to the door. 

As you opened it, you were fully prepared to cuss a lot and insult the person at the door, but it was him. Dico in all his disgusting glory, which you had to admit he looked well groomed and hot, like he just took a shower before arriving, which he probably did. His backwards cap was barely on his head as you could see pieces of his hair sticking up in the back. He raised an eyebrow at your outfit, fluffy pj pants and a cky top, while he looked extremely great and did not just get out of bed at noon like you did. “You wouldn’t answer your phone, though I shouldn’t be surprised by now,” he said, continuing to stare at you. You didn’t get the hint until he stared at you for at least five minutes, he wanted you to invite him inside, so you did. 

He sat next to you on your bed, gazing at your tv that was playing the show you were watching, “you’re watching without me?” he mentioned sadly, obviously not seriously. “Want to watch with me?,” you watched his demeanor change drastically, he smiled widely and nodded. You played it and a little bit through it you felt his hand hold yours, brushing his fingers against the palm of your hand. By the engaged look on his face you knew he wasn’t aware with what he was doing. He never held your hand, this was new but it felt like it happened all the time, like it was just normal. You squeezed his hand, hoping he wouldn’t let go, he still didn’t notice. 

You don’t know when you fell asleep, but you did, you were tired but you didn’t think it was enough to make you doze off but you were wrong. You felt someone shaking you, and not gentle. Of course it was dico, you were proven right when you opened your eyes to see his face inches from yours with a bowl of popcorn in his hand. “I made you some,” he sweetly delivered, though it just kind of annoyed you.

“You woke me up for this, you’re an asshole,” he pouted in response, getting back in your bed with you. He wrapped his arms around you, “If someone woke me up with popcorn I’d be glad,” you rolled your eyes, of course he would, he’s weird. Your hands found each other’s again, and you were trying to calm down as your ears were ringing a little bit from the overflow of noises, like the CD player, screaming children, the refrigerator, and a very loud neighbor who was mowing the lawn. You sighed, this is exactly the reason you didn’t want to go anywhere, you were fucking tired of this shit. He noticed your grimace and mad look and asked if you alright, you just nodded, already knowing what type of day this was going to be and it wasn’t even one yet. 

“Just hold me, I don’t care, just hold me” you whispered, too out of it to be embarrassed on what you said. His eyes widened a little in response but was quick to hold you close to his chest, his fingers still intertwined with yours. All the noises seemed to just melt in the background, him overshadowing everything. He was warm, so fucking warm, and it surprised you because you and your room were cold. You stayed like that for a while, him just holding you, trying to calm you down. He kissed the side of your head, “I hope you feel better baby,” you smiled and closed your eyes, knowing he was going to be here long after you woke up. 

[heldhram]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @its-adrienpastel @pleaseputnamehere @agnelid and @neillesimstories thank you all for the tag!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not that I am aware of. It’s actually uncommon (or even disrespectful, if named after an elderly family member) in our culture to name children after other people so I would be surprised if I was named after anyone.

2. When was the last time you cried?

This is a very good question, I don’t actually know. When you get to your mid-20s I guess you can get fairly easily-triggered emotionally, whether it be a distant but sweet memory that reminds you of good times that will never come back, or a dire realisation of things you will almost never achieve, or even a simple scene from a TV show with that right cue of music (Season 2 last episode of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel when the camera cut to Susie carefully admiring her new blazer whilst Lenny’s “All Alone” moody violin interlude playing in the background being an example) that can send me into a tearful mood.

3. Do you have kids?

No, but I am definitely not against the idea of having kids, unlike what most of my acquaintances would assume of me. Deep down I am a family-person, but in my home country it is still currently illegal for a gay man such as I to adopt kids that is not biologically related to me (I’ll take the dumbest piece of legislation for $500, Alex).

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I am not good with sarcasm at all, let it be online or in person. To be fair, I don’t think I have used sarcasm if at all in real life, but I don’t find it difficult to detect a sarcastic remark at all. Guess when you’re surrounded by enough witty (but kind nevertheless) people you don’t feel the need to contribute any more sarcasm. (This is not sarcasm, if you’re wondering)

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

Not a very sporty person myself. I used to play table tennis with my dad when I was a kid, and then almost 2 decades later at my uni’s student centre. It was so much harder when I was kiddo and I don’t know why. Probably because I hadn’t learned physics yet.

Nowadays I barely do any sports (unless you count jogging), but I’d like to play tennis if my legs aren’t so sore after a day’s shift. Oh, and if I have someone to play with me. I’ll then buy a racquet.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

The way their facial feature move to produce a warm, heartfelt smile. Also, their fascinating shades of eye colours.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Movies with unexpected endings, preferably unhappy ones. I guess I’m just fed up with conventional, commercialised happy endings to the point where I just wish things could be a bit more down-to-earth and realistic. I prefer fictions that I could relate to on a personal level, and that’s probably why I’ve not seen any good movies/TV shows for a while. That being said, I adore Netflix’s mini-series Maid.

8. Any special talents?

Imitating accents, (and according to my acquaintances and relatives) melodious, multitasking, memorising useless things like what happened years ago on a special occasion, listening to the same song/music on loop and not getting sick of them for 1 year.

9. Where were you born?

Taiwan, a beautiful subtropical island polluted by fugly buildings.

10. What are your hobbies?

Playing the guitar, modding Skyrim/Fallout 4 to my own liking, learning languages, baking. Oh, and browsing memes.

11. Do you have any pets?

I would love to adopt a dog from the local shelter if I’m not moving so frequently between countries. I’ve never really had a pet before, and I’m so jealous of people who get to grow up with one.

12. How tall are you?

186cm (~ 6 feet 1)

13. Fave subject in school?

Chemistry (my fave), Biology, Geography, English (the only subject at school I could pass with flying colours without studying at all, so I like it)

14. Dream job?

Not any specific occupation, but rather a concept: An ideal job for me would be the one where I get to utilise the knowledge I gained from formal education, enriched by real-life experiences/lessons, guided by self-reflection and personal growth, that allows me to give back to the community from which I benefited, and to motivate people to improve themselves physically and mentally.

15. Eye colour?

Dark, dark brown

I feel like most of the mutuals of mine have already done this, so I’m not tagging anyone else. If you’d like to do this, please consider yourself tagged and have fun :)

[estellamiraiauthor]

The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 2)

And we’re back with Chapter 2 of the annotated re-read. From here on out, spoilers will abound, so if you’re worried about that, I suggest grabbing yourself a copy of the book, reading it, and then coming back. (I can’t promise there won’t be spoilers for later chapters either, so I really would recommend reading the whole thing first, but not everyone cares about spoilers so… you’ve been warned, read (or don’t read) as you like!)

So Chapter 2 opens with Teru getting off work on the day he’s supposed to meet the mystery voice, still wondering if he ought to make some kind of excuse and not go after all. It’s raining… the book opens in June, which is the rainy season, so this seems like a good time to talk about the seasons in the story. Lots of Japanese art and media places a lot of emphasis on the seasons… I’m not really sure at which point it became a conscious decision to sort of align the seasons with what’s happening to the characters, but by the time I made it to editing it was definitely intentional. This starts in the rainy season between spring and summer… Teru and Rei are both sort of at a low point here, but it’s also a time when things are starting to grow that will lead to success later.

Someone pointed out to me during an early beta read that Teru is really, really polite here. He considers calling or texting Rei and backing out, but never considers just not showing up. Of course, he does show up or there’d be no story. I don’t think I ever sat down and made the conscious decision that he WOULDN’T consider just not showing up… that was just never the kind of person he was in my mind?

I really like the little travel scene here, where I kind of reduce all the train stations from Koenji to Meguro to little one-line descriptions. There were a couple of reasons for including this—one just to show how each little area of Tokyo, generally marked by the closest train station, kind of has its own character. I also wanted to make it clear that there was at least a perceived class difference here. I don’t think it really is “class” so much as it is just plain old wealth… we learn later on that Rei is not really of a higher social class by birth or education or anything, even though he has a lot of money now. He’s even less formally educated than Teru is and comes from an even more rural area, but Teru doesn’t know that yet—he just knows that whoever the mystery voice on the phone is, he lives in a VERY expensive part of town. (Koenji isn’t exactly INexpensive, because it is so close to the middle of the city, but if you’re okay with a tiny, old, one-room apartment, it is… or at least was at the time, the kind of place where a broke musician COULD afford to live in some shape or form.)

So then we get to the apartment where a lot of the story takes place. The layout of the apartment itself is semi-based on a place I used to live here, with a few small changes. I know most Phantom stories are going to have the Phantom character living in the theatre somewhere, or at least in a creepy basement apartment, but the fact is that there just aren’t many (if any?) basement apartments in Tokyo, and I did want this to be realistic…. so first floor with all the windows covered by black curtains it was!

I think there are a lot of details in this first encounter with Rei that were really intentional on my part (and Rei’s) but probably don’t really stand out the first time you read the book. One of the small edits I made was about the “TV tax”… Teru notes that, unlike the other apartments in the building, Rei’s door doesn’t have any decoration, only a sticker saying that the TV tax had last been paid “six years ago, in 1994”. The “six years ago” was something I added in edits, because I knew that any later references to years I made wouldn’t mean anything unless the reader was consciously aware that the story took place in 2000, so there are a couple of specific references to the year in the early chapters. As to why the TV tax hadn’t been paid since then… the NHK guys used to go door-to-door to collect it, and a lot of people didn’t/don’t want to pay because we don’t watch NHK (the state-funded channel), so not paying on its own isn’t super unusual, but it does let the reader know that SOMETHING happened between 1994 and 1995 that led to someone no longer paying it for this particular apartment.

Rei doesn’t actually answer the door, but calls Teru and tells him to come in. At this point, I don’t think Rei even knows what his ultimate goal is. He has to know that there’s really no way to hide all of his injuries and disabilities once this goes beyond anything more than an initial meeting, but I do think he kind of wants to make sure he earns Teru’s respect before his pity? He’s very distant and borderline rude in the way he speaks—still keeping Teru at a distance and, for the reader, maintaining the mystery.

One edit I did make later on was Teru noticing right away that Rei’s hair is a wig. Originally, that was kind of used as a reveal and Teru was surprised the first time Rei took his wig off, but it kind of seemed like someone who dyed his own hair unnatural colors and would have known a lot of other people who either dyed their hair or wore wigs would have been able to tell one from the other. So while we still don’t have the full story here, I did state right away that his hair was too bright and perfect to be natural.

The broken guitar is also one of my favorite details in the room… a way to show that Rei has a temper, I think, although I don’t think he smashed it in anger at anyone other than himself and his situation.

So he asks Teru to sing a couple of songs they both would’ve been familiar with, and then plays the song he wants Teru to sing, “Yami no hanabira”, which means “petals of darkness” because why not be as melodramatic as possible? And Teru just… knows that he needs this song. You know how it is, when you just hear or see or read something that’s Your Thing? I wanted Teru to have that kind of moment here… he just NEEDS this song, and so even though he isn’t necessarily interested in being the band’s lead singer as Rei seems to want him to be, he takes the sheet music because he knows he needs to have this music, somehow.

And then he asks Rei for his name, and Rei says: “They used to call me Rei.”

That’s a line that I believe was in the very very first draft, and never really changed. And I think it’s an important part of this story in general, the idea of choosing your name. Rei’s legal name is never mentioned on the page. (I know what it is, and I’ve told one other person, but I don’t think he’d much like me making it public knowledge… he HATES it.) That name is the person he just happened to be born as… Rei is who he chose to be. But I think that over the past five years before the story began, he hasn’t been called by that name very often. Maybe occasionally by Chizuru, but other than her, who has he spoken to other than doctors and delivery people? So I think he’s a little shocked that Teru WANTS to know his name, and is a little saddened because introducing himself that way is something that just hasn’t happened in a long time, and brings up a lot of complicated memories.

So. Chapter 2. I like you better than Chapter 1 and a HELL of a lot better than Chapter 3… Oh, Chapter 3. I apologize in advance, there’s going to be a lot of that nasty R-word (regret) in the next installment. Stay tuned?

[smilesstardust]

Hailey closed the door behind them as the woman and girl came into the apartment. She gestured the DCFS worker towards the kitchen island to take a seat as she showed Katherine over to the couch and flicked the TV on so they would have space to talk. The little girl didn’t give any indication of her preference as Hailey flicked through the kids’ channels, eventually landing on a programme that was just starting.

There was a small mountain of paperwork waiting for her with the social worker, so Hailey put the coffee machine on to brew and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, trying to drink it at a steady pace as her and the social worker exchanged names and pleasantries. She grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard as the pot of coffee finished, pausing as her hand reached for Jay’s favourite morning coffee mug on instinct before selecting the one beside it instead. She poured coffee into the two mugs and handed one over to the woman, Lia, before sitting down beside her.

Despite the fact they were sat on adjacent bar stools, Hailey still made sure to lower her voice before she spoke to try and keep the conversation as private from the little girl as she could. "Look, Jay having a daughter is news to me, so you’re going to have to go from basics." She sighed. "Birthdate, age, who her mom is, the reason she’s here now."

Lia looked slightly surprised, but took a deep breath and started to explain. "So, Katherine is five, her birthday is somewhere in all this paperwork, but I can’t remember it without checking. Her mother is a woman named Erin Lindsay, she’s-"

"I know who Erin is, that actually makes this make a lot of sense." Hailey cut her off, only to be met with a confused look. "All of us were cops, same unit. I joined about a week before Erin skipped town, but her and Jay had been partners for a few years. What happened was complicated, Erin ended up in a position of quit or get fired and took a job with the FBI. Her and Jay weren’t exactly together then but they weren’t broken up either, so he took it hard when she left suddenly and without a word.” Hailey sighed. “God, that must’ve been about six years ago now."

"Is Mr Halstead not aware…?" She trailed off, clearly not knowing how to finish her sentence.

"I don’t think so." Hailey shook her head. "No, Erin never contacted him again after she left and Jay would have told me if he knew." She said with more certainty. Even with all the difficulties they’d been having over the last year, she knew that Jay wouldn’t have kept something like having a daughter from her. He couldn’t have, because if he had known Hailey had no doubt he would have been involved in the kid’s life.

"So, Ms Lindsay went missing in the line of duty a few days ago. Katherine was brought here because Ms Lindsay has very thorough paperwork stating that if she is unable to care for Katherine then she goes straight to her father, who is named as your husband." Lia stammered.

"I’m not doubting she’s Jay’s kid." Hailey assured her, glancing over at the girl on the couch who seemed to be completely ignoring their conversation. The more Hailey wrapped her head around the bombshell, the more she could see Jay in Katherine. She had so many features that were obviously Jay’s, which was probably why she’d looked so familiar when Hailey had first seen her. "One look confirmed that."

"I understand, and that’s good, but Katherine was transferred over from New York to live with her father. I think everyone involved assumed Mr Halstead would be aware of the arrangements Ms Lindsay made." Lia tried again. "I’m going to have to talk to my supervisor, is there somewhere I can make that call?"

Hailey showed her over to the small office right by the front door, letting her make the phone call in private as she stepped back out into the living room. She checked on Katherine, the little girl still focused on the show that was playing, and got her a glass of water before she stepped into the bedroom to actually get changed out of her pyjamas.

She quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and the first t-shirt she grabbed out of the drawer, just in case Lia’s phone call was a quick one. However, there was no sign of the conversation being over when she emerged, so Hailey sat down on one of the chairs beside the couch and tried to follow what was happening in the show Katherine was watching.

Lia stepped out of the office around half an hour after she had gone to make the phone call.

"So, cliff notes are that Ms Lindsay’s paperwork is extremely clear that Katherine is not to go into foster care except as a last resort and if Mr Halstead is unable to care for her then his next of kin should be approached until he is. The paperwork says that’s Mr Halstead’s brother, but legally it’s you since you’re his wife. One of the lawyers we work with was consulted and essentially said to stick with you."

Hailey took a second to try and process, but still didn’t quite compute what she was being told. "What does all of that mean?" She asked.

"You have legal custody of Katherine until your husband is back. So you can either take physical custody or make the decision to place her in foster care until he comes home and can make the choice himself." Lia clarified.

Hailey looked over at the little girl sat on the couch, still staring intently at the cartoon dogs that filled the screen. Both options seemed unthinkable. The idea of caring for the kid was so opposed to what she had expected from the next few months and she didn’t think it was something she would be able to do, but at the same time saying no felt deeply wrong. "No." She said softly after a while. "No, she can stay here."

The social worker seemed slightly surprised. "Are you sure?"

Hailey nodded, more convinced of her decision once she’d actually said the words. "She’s Jay’s daughter. I’m not just going to send her away."

[autisticempathydaemon]

Thank you for doing this! And also thank you for making me aware of the personality tests hehe :))

I got equal amounts type 4 and type 8 on the chart and I’m an INFP. (I don’t know what these mean I hope it isn’t bad 😭)

What is you go to way to fall asleep?

A lot of the time I stay up so late that I fall asleep without even meaning to but if I can’t sleep then sleep aids or sad music do the trick more often than not. And if we’re talking about positions I always sleep on my side with like one leg up. I know it’s bad for your back but it’s sooo comfy.

What redacted boy holds no appeal to you and why?

Ollie is probably my least listened to. He seems like a really sweet character but I just can’t seem to get into his videos, I would say it might be because they’re more mundane than the others but my other two least faves (out of the love interests) are probably Gavin and Vincent so that doesn’t add up.

Tell me about the one book/movie/tv show you know all the words too.

Bojack Horseman. I think the shows really clever and I often find myself rewatching and finding new details every-time. I think it’s a bit of a comfort which is strange since the main character is basically always in trouble for something but a lot of the characters talk about relatable things that I’d never seen anyone else mention before.

If you had to change your name what would it be and why?

Laurie. My mum wanted to name me that when I was born but my dad didn’t like it. I prefer it to my irl name so probably that. I’ve also always liked the name Parker.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted too?

Huxley. I’m not too sure why I think it’s cause he’s so easy going. I love camping and also find myself a digging holes a lot so that could also be a reason lol but if I could hang out with any redacted character it would definitely be him.

Which song are you fixated on and why?

The boys are back in town by thin lizzy. There’s not a specific verse or anything it just came on randomly whilst I was running and now I can’t stop listening to it I’d completely forgotten it existed.

Do you have a go to thing you ramble about when tired?

If I’m tired I tend to not be very talkative at all. I prefer listening to other people talk but if I am in a rambling mood it would probably be about things that happened irl or Animals.

What is your favourite of redacted audios and why?

Besides my favourite characters entire playlist. I’d say either the inversion or Aaron’s sleep aid. I really like the inversion I just think the story telling and emotions are amazing and you get to hear so many different characters. And there’s just something about Aaron’s sleep aid that make me feel happy. I think it’s the way Smartass falls asleep in the chair with him.

I hope this isn’t too long and if you have a lot to do don’t worry about skipping this one! Happy time zone friend!!

Hmm, this was a thunker, since Four and Eight are a really interesting combination. What I think they have in common is an intelligent independence, a self-reliance that Elliott could really work with.

Both Fours and Eights seem to be characterized by a strong sense of identity- they have an unshakable confidence in who they are and who they want to be. Elliott strikes me as an excellent partner for this type of person, because he’s very supportive and loving in his own genial, earnest way, if you know what I mean? He would be neither overbearing nor neglectful. Elliott would just always be by your side, encouraging and kind and ready to support you however and whenever you may need.

Additionally, I think you and Elliott would like a lot of the same things~ You mentioned loving camping, which reminded me of the dreamscape he made with the campfire by the lake and made me picture of the two of you going together, fighting over who gets to control the aux cord on the way there. I can also see him coming over on another normal Friday night and ready to settle in for a night of watching your favorite show together.

Song:

I want the world in my hands/ I hate the beach/ But I stand in California with my toes in the sand/ Use the sleeves of my sweater/ Let's have an adventure

Elliott strikes me as a The Neighbourhood boy, and I cannot put into words why. He just is. I like this song for him in particular because the vibes and tone of it are so romantic and dreamy (pun intended). It’s the kind of song on the kind of playlist he’d have for your nights together- chill, lo-fi kind of tunes that would play while you talk through the night or fall asleep together.

Runner-Ups:

Damien was definitely a contender for runner-up. Other than the Enneagram type, where I think of Damien as a Six, I think y’all have a lot of similarities like your sleep hygiene and the type of shows you like. James strikes me as another good match because of his stable, solid temperament that I think would match well with a thoughtful, independent partner.

Note: thank you so much for waiting! The long distance bf flew into town, so I’ve been distracted, but I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌