ia-alfredopassos

[vomittedsoap]

Ditched Irving sketch that doesn’t fit what I’m trying to do

[atomicblasphemy]

Why I don’t think Amity is looking forward to a date with Luz in the human realm.

There’s a good chance I’ll be alone in this opinion but anyway, I never took tumblr or fandom from a scholarly point so yeah.

Anyway, I agree that the idea of a cute romantic date with Luz in the human realm being a big part of Amity’s motivation in the last episode is objectively adorable. But I have three reasons why that may not be quite the case.

Reason number one, the scoring of the scene. After Amity’s boss leaves and they part their hug of sorts throwing a blush fest, the soundtrack goes to this very mellow (and from my rusty knowledge of music theory, major scale) score while they have that bookworm talk. Then, when Amity says “the human realm sounds odd” there’s also what sounds like a major scale chord right before it cuts to silence as Luz suggests showing her around the human world. And that’s, as she is processing what her soon to be girlfriend just said there’s this high and dissonant chord, most likely minor scale, and i’m almost positive it has the same base note as the previous one. This feels deliberate.

The minor scale is used as a means to convey tension, to unsettle the viewer or listener. Case in point, more upbeat music genres like pop punk or house tending to make a more constant use of the major scale, whereas bleaker genres like post-punk or black metal are heavily based of the minor scale. More over in soundtracks we can point out jaws or psycho’s scores as examples of the use of the minor as a means to either raise tension or to set a scene or movies tone (think psycho’s shower scene, or the moments in jaws’ when the shark is just about to attack). Meanwhile, you can have star wars’ major scale as a means to set the optimistic tone Luke’s hero’s journey starts with (which again, contrasts greatly with its counterpart in the imperial march).

So, back to Lumity, we have this sequence of sounds: Luz all but invites Amity to the human realm, major chord, silence, minor chord, “we’re getting that diary”. There’s a rising action of sorts at play here, as far as I can tell: Luz tries to cheer up Amity (hence the more calming and uplifting major chord), Amity process this newly found connection between herself and the human realm (silence), this troubles Amity for whatever reason (which comes back later, but i’ll get to that) (hence the minor chord).

If Amity’s outlook on this new relation between herself Luz’ homeland was simply that of “holy shit, my crush just asked me out. hell yeah.” the use of the minor scale would be probably the worse to go about doing that. Moreover:

Reason number b:

Mittens’ first face: blank space. Amity.exe ceased all functioning. (this is when the minor chord is played btw.) This first face is the one the fandom latched on to the most, and yeah i get it.

But then things take a turn:

Those are the two other expressions she makes immediately aftewards that more confused one (also, idk what is going on but i can’t screenshot on a full screen for whatever reason).

Now, we are collectively well aware, as a fandom, of the fact that when the human girl’s existence flusters Amity her very white complexion’s tomato like properties are bound to manifest. If anything we could this episode the blushapalooza, and on both ends. But I digress.

My point here is, if it was simply her being excited over the prospect this date in the human realm, there’s no reason why they (the show runners, i.e. the ones responsible for this world’s overarching intentionality)  would turn her into a vegetable once again, I mean, just second prior she was going full on tomato mode. Couple that with that sketchy chord progression and I think it is safe to say our little Mittens is acting a wee odd herself here. If it was just the sound score or just the lack of tomato, then I’d say it was probably just happenstance. Both those things at once fell like a deliberate creative choice. In other words, my guess is that Amity’s weird response here is setting up the tone for some upcoming conflict between the two of them, it is building up to the mid-season finale. (I have my theories as to what that conflict would be but I’ll get to that when I get to that).

Now, reason number gamma. “Being around you makes me do stupid things and I wish it didn’t” “Ever since Luz came here everything’s been so confusing.” Look, I’m not so dumb as to say those words don’t represent Amity coming clean about her feeling for Luz, and I’m not oblivious as to believe the vagueness of these statements is but a poorly veiled attempt on her part of airing those feeling in an as uncompromising fashion as possible. However, that’s the thing about vagueness, you can easily pick up on connotation but not so much on denotation. What I mean is that you can’t really tell what is the entirety of her cause to confusion and what the full set of Luz related stupid things done by Amity really is. And looking back to those second and third sketchy Amity faces and given all I’ve said, my best guess is that those are the faces of someone coming to the sinking realization that “despite my best intentions I may, perhaps, possibly, likely have fucked up big time.” And do I know how good a motivator doing damage control after a big time fuck up can be.

Which brings me finally to what her hang up really is. Those letters. Going by the same “methodology” I’ve been using thus far, here’s how we learn Camilla had been receiving those letters: first we see Amity’s note, “everybody’s doing the wholesome waltz, throw your crush in the air and have a ball”, we see the other half of the note which only says “Luz” (which mind you, is a word that also appears with loads of prominence in the letters). Then a few moments afterwards we see the actual letters, similar handwriting as evidenced by the writing of Luz’s name, and worded as what a misguided and inexperienced kid would imagine a healthy mother and daughter relationship to sound like. Again, those feel extremely deliberate choices on the show’s creators part. Not everything in a show has to be a Tchekov’s gun, but when you draw so much attention to it in such a calculated way it gets tough to argue for it not being so. So yeah, my money is on Amity being the author of the letters and that means she has a deeper knowledge of inter-dimensional postal services than she’s letting on. Either she has access to some sort of device capable of transporting small objects, or a means to create a fac-simile of a  document on the other side, or she has a full blown portal.

I mean, it’s safe to say her feeling towards Luz started getting a tad muddy after the covention, and said confusion kept on progressing until it came to a height with Amity’s conversation with Emira on the last episode. So Emira points out she should embrace the changes brought about by Luz and try to be happy. And that’s what her hairdo change (she explicitly says the past choice was Odalia’s making), and the peck on the cheek symbolize. She’s embracing change, she’s actively pursuing it. I mean, at the end of the day that peck on Luz’s cheek was nothing short of Amity crossing the threshold (even if impulsively) of their relationship, that’s why she doesn’t blush while she’s doing it. She’s being guided purely by Emira’s words there, it is only when the reality of the threshold being crossed and that there’s no coming back to how things were before  that she goes back to tomato while muttering “why did i do that?” So yeah, second thing I wanted to say that Lumity is already cannon, their relationship is now a romantic one, there’s no two ways about it.

AAAnd this is why I thing the letters thing will be the big conflict of the mid-season finale.

Let’s shift perspectives to Luz’s end. So you have this kid, right? This kid that has been, throughout her entire life been given reasons to believe in her own mediocrity, which in turn led her to find solace in fantasy. Then, by an odd turn of cosmic events she is granted a chance to experience said fantasy first hand. However, at first it seems this new world is making chorus to that old one in stating her mediocrity. She doesn’t give in, she perseveres, she proves everything and everyone wrong. From “Eda’s human pet” she turns into ��Miss Teacher”, from “Willow’s Abomination thingy” she becomes someone who “sneaks her way into people’s hearts.” She sees everything she wanted, her wildest dreams of both self-accomplishment and love being dangled right in front of her eyes. Yet, in the back of her head there’s this nagging voice screaming at her that reality, and a mother that loves her and misses her are awaiting her. That this happiness. So when Amity crosses the threshold of their relationship, when the person she wants shows her she wants the same thing as her, elation is not the only thing going through her mind and her heart. Being forced to choose between what you want and what you ought to is quite a cruel position to find oneself in.

So this leads up to the mid-season finale, say I’m right, Amity has a portal and she offers it to Luz. In one hand, her girlfriend omitted a very important piece of information from her, which could be seen by her as an argument for her choosing the human realm, thus creating a source of conflict between the two of them (which no, I don’t think it would make them break up, in fact I have 5 reais saying the L word will be dropped by either one of them because of all that, their relationship will come out of all this turmoil stronger than before), moreover, I’m of the opinion that Amity’s motives for writing those letters in the first place would be to do something nice for that confusing entity (by giving her mother some piece of mind) while remaining incognito. Hell, my ideal scenario would beher coming clean to Camilla about impersonating Luz with something along the lines of “Yeah mate, you were expecting Luz but it was I, Amity, all along. Sorry about that. In my defense I have next to no idea what a non dysfunctional family looks like.”

But that’d be only half of it. Creepy Luz is, for all we know, what Luz would perceive as the best version of herself, one that’s capable of making her mother happy. In other words, a figure that highlights further how inadequate she is in the human realm. And she is still confused with everything going on back in the demon realm. Not to mention the possible looming threat to human realm represented by the emperor, about which we thus far have very little to speculate on.

My point is, in conclusion, Luz will need some hugs afterwards. And so will Amity. Fortunately they fulfill eachother’s need in that regard.

Hope this wasn’t complete non-sense, cheers!

[putflowersinmyhair-callmepretty]

The fate of a nun (Finan x OFC); part 5

GENERAL A/N: Hi there! This story is my first attempt to write a fanfiction. English is not my first language, so feel free to let me know how to improve my writing/language skills 😊 I will try and post a chapter per week, let’s see how it goes! The story takes place in season 3 and you will notice that I have used some of the sequences and dialogues from the tv series, changing them to include my OC. I did try not to be too colloquial and informal with my writing -giving the time of the story- but I preferred to make it more enjoyable than realistic, same goes for Finan’s accent. I’m nervous and excited to share my work, hope you enjoy! Bacini, Cate. A/N: Helu! So, this is super late butttttt I’ve been soooo busy with my classes and the translation I’m working on :) This is a filler part, but I find it extremely cute, plus Finan and Aoife are getting closer, my children :’) Have fun reading this. byeeee Summary: The life of the young novice Aoife completely changes when the Lady of Mercia arrives to the Abbey of Wincelcumb. Oaths, battles and love will turn her in a warrior. General warnings: Violence, Blood, Strong Language, Smut, Fluff, Graphic description of violence Chapter’s warning: Fluff fluff fluff, probably bad English? idk Words: 3410 Chapter Four.

Chapter Five: Stories and Returns 

At some point she had passed out; it must have been just minutes because, when she woke up, her face was still wet of tears, and her hair too. She stood up and just yet noticed that she was starving. In the hall, the warriors and the Lady were already eating, and she slid next to Osferth, who shot her a smile and pushed a plate full of bread and cheese in her direction. “How are you feeling?” she asked, and he playfully rolled his eyes. “I’m doing well mum, stop worrying!” He was healing just fine, he could already walk on himself and laugh without pain, but he still had to be careful, wound like his took some time to heal. “Are you all right, Aoife?” Aethelflaed, who had followed their playful banter, asked cautiously. The Lady was sitting right in front of her and she could see how swollen and red Aoife’s eyes were. Anyone could, especially Finan, who was sitting next to Aethelflaed and in front of Osferth. “I’m fine, thank you my Lady. I’m just tired” No one seemed to believe her. Finan leant forward and filled her cup with ale. “Eat and drink. Then we go for a walk.” And so she ate abundantly and slowly, careful not to let anyone see how nervous and trepidant she was to spend some time alone with Finan. What did he want? Had she done something? Had he done something? He stared at her the entire supper with a questioning look, and it did not help the uncomfortable feeling of excitement and fear that was stirring her soul. When she chewed down the last bite, he stood up and, with a little bow to the Lady, left the hall. Aoife shot a questioning look to her friends, who just shrugged with an amazed smile on their faces; Aethelflaed gestured her to follow the warrior and she obeyed swiftly, her heart beating violently against her ribcage. Finan was waiting for her just outside the wooden door and, when the girl reached him, smiled sweetly. For a while, they walked down the streets of Saltwic in silence. It was a nice winter night without wind nor cloud and Aoife enjoyed the cold air on her cheeks and how bright the stars looked. The town was still alive, the torches still burning in the alehouse and the voices loud. People would pass them and bow respectfully, and Aoife would smile to each of them and greet them with a soft “G’night.”; it warmed Finan’s heart. They stopped right next to the town well, facing each other. The stars were reflected in her eyes, the blackest eyes Finan had ever seen. He was used to the clear eyes of Uthred and Sithric and Osferth, that painfully reminded him of his mother’s eyes, but he had never seen such dark eyes, so deep and welcoming. He had to restrain himself from running his thumb over her lashes, which looked as soft as they were long and thick. Aoife was looking back at him, bolder that she would have days before. He hadn’t even noticed that he was chewing on the cross hanging around his neck, something that Aoife had seen him doing before, when he was lost in his thoughts. She found it precious, somehow vulnerable, a very childlike action, so at odds with his mature stance. And he had pretty hands too, with long thin fingers, different from the stubby hands of the Mercians. She was curious to learn where he came from, where his family lived. Had he always been a swordsman? He had the delicate hands of a musician, corrupted by the scars and dirty of his warrior life. There was a specific reason to why he had asked her to walk with him, but now that she was watching him in such a direct, open way, like no one else had ever done before, he could not find the right words to address it. “I never thanked you” he finally croaked, his voice just above a whisper. And she smiled , calmly yet questioning, still watching him boldly. “What for?” “For saving my life” “You don’t have to.” She assured him “It was the right thing to do.” He took her hand in his, succumbing to his own desires. Her skin was not as soft as he remembered, chapped and irritated by the wind and callous were the hilt of the sword would press during her training; on the opposite, her touch was delicate and prudent. He grazed his thumb on her knuckles and smiled, looking at her through his lashes. “Still, you acted like a true warrior and if I’m here today is just because of you. I shall never forget it, Aoife.” Under the dim light of the torches, she blushed and her bottom lip drop slightly, but she didn’t reply. “Also…” he kept going “I apologise if I’ve been too hard on you today.” “What made you think that?” He shrugged “I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but you look…” he looked her head to toe “distressed.” She averted her gaze, eyes filling with tears. He was pitying her, then. She was too embarrassed to watch him, now, she didn’t have problems with being emotional, but she did not like compassion. “It’s not you, Finan.” She mumbled, her voice shaking “It’s just…” she couldn’t find the words to explain how she was feeling, torn between excitement and guilty, happiness and grieving. She gasped for air and tried to wipe the tears from her face, trying to push herself away from the warrior. But he did not let her step back, fearing that if she left, she would never be so confidently herself with him. He reached her and embraced her without hesitation and, despite her surprise, her body reacted naturally and she hid her face in the crook of his neck. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she noticed that he smelled of leather and metal, the scent she expected from a warrior, and just behind it she could detect the natural fragrance of his skin, and she loved how intimate that new experience was. The warmth of his body was comforting and welcoming and she couldn’t understand if it was her heart of his beating fast against her skin. He held her tightly, her fingers dipping in his back, and he was not sure where to put his hands, afraid to cross any line, but she smelled so good and her body was so warm that he could not help but melt against her and run his fingers through her hair until her tears stopped. They were ready to let go. The night had fallen long before Osferth decided to retire to his room in the alehouse. He walked slowly, in the cold air of winter. He was enjoying every second of his stay in Saltwic, knowing well how rare moments of peace were for a warrior. His wound was itching, and he picked up his pace, dreaming of his warm bed and the ointment Aoife had prepare precisely for when the healing wound would become too uncomfortable. She was an amazing healer, and he had wondered many times if he would be alive without her help. The well was fairly close, which meant that in less than a minute he would be at the alehouse. And right in front of the well, he witnessed the blossom of a love. Aoife and Finan embraced in the dark. Since that night, Finan had spent most of his time with Aoife. Honestly, he hadn’t had much to do, while she seemed to be always busy; so, he had followed her around for days, helping and amusing her. He had noticed that she was growing bolder every day, quick to answer his remarks. She still blushed, though, and he was proud of how much his words and actions could affect her. He had found himself spending with her every day and thinking about her every night; he knew he was slowly falling in love with the woman and he was trying to fight it. She was young, innocent and inexpert of everything that the world had to offer; she deserved someone just as fresh as her. Even with this knowledge, he could not stop himself from spending all his spare time with her, from thinking about her constantly, from looking for her in every room. Besides, when he tried to stay away from her, she would find him everywhere, with a little pout on her full red lips. “Were you hiding from me, Finan?” she would ask, mocking pain with a hand on her chest and he would smile and bow dramatically in her direction “I was not, milady. I was looking for you.” To assay her, Finan started telling her the most vile stories of his past; he talked about blood and swindles and heartbreaks; and one day, while he was sitting on the fence of the stable and telling her one of his cruellest stories, she ceased grooming her horse and, with a sharp smile, commented “I know what you’re doing, Finan.” “What am I doing, then?” “You’re trying to scare me away. But you’re actually doing the opposite.” she run her hand up and down her mount’s face “Because I know you now, and I know you’re not the man you’re telling me about. Not anymore, at least. I think every one of those stories made you the man you are today, a much better person than you think. I’m no fool, and surely, I’m not as innocent as you think I am. If I’d had the faintest impression that you were not a good person, I would not be here now.” “Are you making a pass at me, dear?” She looked back at him with a gaze so deep he felt naked and, unexpectedly, something that hadn’t done since he was a child happened: he blushed. It infuriated him how much power she had on him, how his body melted right against hers when she snuck between his knees and pressed her hands against his tights. He lowered his face to meet her eyes and she stood on her tiptoes. Was she about to kiss him? Did he want her to? Of course he wanted to kiss her, but was he ready for the consequences? He was aware of how his heart worked, how hardly and quickly he fell in and out of love with a woman; he did not want to hurt her in that way. Yet again, his worrying alone was an indicator of how different what he felt for her was from his previous women; he had never worried for the consequences of his actions before, but here he was now hesitating to kiss the prettiest woman watching him from under her black eyelashes. And he hesitated a moment too long, because when he finally leant towards her, she shot him a feral smile and pushed him down the fence. The last thing Finan heard, before the splashing of his body on horse shit, was Aoife’s crystal laugh. And he was happy. Winter was giving the way to spring slowly but relentlessly, the sun now a little warmer and the days a little longer. That afternoon Finan had joined Aoife at the stream and little white flowers were already sprouting from the snow along the banks, where the temperature was higher, and the first birds were chirping on the branches moved by a delicate wind. All day long, Aoife had been busy with Aethelflaed, Finan had seen them walked down the streets of Saltwic, arm in arm. Now, finally, they were together and he was watching her washing clothes. He didn’t understand how she could dip her hands in the cold water without freezing, but she had assured him that the shock was only temporary and after that, it was almost as if the water was warm. “Tell me something, Finan.” She then requested, while he was adjusting a strand of hair behind her ear. With time they had become physically very closed, always touching each other in some way. “About what?” She stopped to look him in the eyes “I don’t know, something… how did you and Uthred met?” That was a story that many knew, but he still did not feel comfortable in telling it. Yet, Aoife was the one person who made him feel safe, calm, unjudged. If there was someone that could cast away the ghosts of his past, that would be her. He dipped the tip of his finger in the cold water, rippling the surface. “I have done things I am not proud of, Aoife. And some of them had led me to slavery. I have spent winters and summers at the bottom of a ship, rowing and rowing, with the sun and the wind and the snow. I reached a point where I could barely remember who I was, where I came from, why I was there. Then one day Uthred came. He was dressed as a slave, and was rowing as a slave, but there was something behind his eyes that told a whole other story. And somehow, in that hell, we bounded. And when his brother came to the rescue, he did not abandon me, he gave me a reason to live. He still do every day, and I owe him my life. He not only saved me from that ship, but he also brought me back to the man I was, and he gave me a chance to be someone better than that man. And we are bound in ways that no one could ever understand; we have suffered and seen things that no one else could ever understand. That’s why my sword is his, until the day I die. I would give my life for him, my soul for him. He is my brother. My family.” Aoife was holding his hands, he hadn’t even noticed, up until that moment, that she had stopped washing and had knelt in front of him. She caressed his face gently, brushing her cold fingertips against his scars. She had many questions, about his past, his regrets, his fears. She felt as if she knew nothing of him while knowing him deeper than many could say. He was a mystery, with a very dark past, yet he was the person she trusted the most. “Thank you for sharing your story with me, Finan” she whispered softly, and he smiled, leaning in her cold palm and kissing it softly “Thank you for listening, Aoife.” She smiled, returning at her duties. “Your name is Irish too, did you know that?” Finan watched her stiffen, suddenly uncomfortable “I do know that , yes.” Here it was, the thing he couldn’t bear about her: it was easy for him to open with her, he had trusted her entirely in a short period of time, while her, as much as she seemed to enjoy his company, had yet to trust him with her past; and perhaps it was wrong, but he wanted answers to his curiosity, about her family, and the mysterious man who had gifted her with weapons and a horse, and her past; so he kept pushing her. “Was your mother Irish?” She paused “No, Finan.” He was walking down a dangerous path “What’s with that name then?” She looked up at him, with a pained and somehow angry face “You won’t rest until I’ll give you answers, right?” “Indeed, lady.” She sat down with a huff “My mom was in love with an Irish man and wanted to honour him with my name.” “Was he your father?” “Not quite.” Here she was again, reticent woman. Finan had even talked about it with Osferth, with whom Aoife seemed to have bounded and she felt freer talking – Finan at times could not stand how close they were – but the monk too had admitted that he had tried but failed in that same situation. Even Aethelflaed knew nothing, and where a Lady can’t succeed, what are the chances for a warrior to? Therefore, he took what she had offered him, which was a lot considering the previous attempts, and held her hand to his lips, kissing her cold knuckles. “Let’s go back, you’re freezing.” They had walked back in silence, hand in hand. The sun was setting one they entered the hall, where the warriors were enjoying some spare time playing dice and drinking ale. Finan left Aoife with one of his sweetest smiles and joined his companions, while she sat down next to Osferth, who was warming up in front of the fire. “You’re getting closer by the day, aren’t you? By Sunday you’ll be married.” The monk joked, gaining a light kick on the shin; the training had helped her quite a lot with her fighting skills, but, as a result, she had become more violent.“Hey, you should not hit your patients!”“I brought you back to life, I can end it just as easily.” Osferth laughed, wrapping her shoulder with his long, thin arm. He had found himself growing less shy every day and he had now reached a point of ease with Aoife that he had become physical affectionate, a part of him he had hidden successfully during his monk life. Growing up in a monastery, he hadn’t spent much time with people his age, and even now, travelling with Uthred’s warrior, he felt that there was a certain aspect of him that they could not understand. Aoife, on the other hand, had experienced a similar youth and with her he could be himself. By the day, she was becoming more and more a warrior, as was he, but they would always remain children of the church and the type of education they had been raised through was different – if not opposite – to those of the others and for that reason they were bounded as siblings. Finan watched them for long, curious – and somehow jealous – of why they were laughing. He had noticed that everyone adored Aoife, she had the singular power of making people at ease. As far as he knew her, and it wasn’t much, she seemed without flaws. However, based on his experience, he knew it could not be possible and he feared the day he would discover her darkest side. For now, though, he decided to join them and hope that their contagious laughs would heal his restless soul. Enjoying some peace after years of battles and death was a gift, he was aware of it, but he would never stop being a warrior and he missed the clanking of swords and the stench of blood, sweat and fear. He missed the shivers of excitement running down his spine on the battlefield, and the surreal, still silence that followed a bloodshed. Yet, he was torn between the past he knew, living day by day without the certainty of a tomorrow, and this new routine of enjoy sweet talks and long walks with Aoife. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that he did not care for the fresh air, nor for the starry night, he just cared for the lady standing next to him under that dark sky. For now, however, he did not have to choose, and he grabbed three cups and joined his friends. “Why are we laughing?” he asked, dropping heavily next to Aoife, who shot him a bright smile. “Just threating Osferth, here.” she answered cheerfully, accepting the ale he was offering. “Oh, I do like this game.” “No you do not!” Osferth huffed, sipping his ale “Just let me be, I’m still recovering.” Finan had a sharp reply on the tip of his tongue but he was interrupted by hooves drumming outside; with the heart beating in his throat he jumped up, running to the window. “What is it?” Osferth asked. “You mean, who is it” Finan smiled, looking outside “Osferth.” He then called urgently, in his tone a happiness and thrill Aoife had never heard. He was not quick enough to reach the door and it opened from the outside, bringing in the room cold wind and smell of horses. And then here he was, wrapped in furs and covered in snow, his sword standing proudly against his back, the widest, proudest smile on his gorgeous face. Uthred of Bebbanburg was back. Chapter Six.

[sorakingdomhearts]

I just finished watching all of the Kingdom Hearts game cutscenes in 16 days! Under the cut, my super-long analysis post.

This was such a bad idea and also the best I’ve ever had. I can no longer tell the events of separate games apart, other than the stuff I added to this post’s draft while watching, but it’s given me so much to do in the quaran-times.

I would say my favorite games at this point are KH3, BBS, and 358/2 Days. I actually played through KH3 to like 90 something percent so I’m most attached to it, but storywise Aqua, Ventus, Roxas, and Axel/Lea have the best plots. If I had to pick a top favorite, other than Sora(because. Well. Sora’s my chosen middle name for a reason) I would say it’s Axel/Lea, and Aqua is the world’s closest second.

My favorite Disney worlds are probably Traverse Town for the music, Nightmare Before Christmas for the costumes(both the wintery ones and the spooky ones), Disney Town for the character appearances and aesthetic/colors, and BH6 for the plot/dialogue. Honorable mention to Hunchback of Notre Dame for being the only one I hadn’t heard about before starting this journey AND being a friend’s current hyperfixation so I got to share hyperfix joy with them for a bit.

I think Aqua has the best voice in the series. Especially with BBS 0.2/KH2.8 there’s quite a few scenes where the only dialogue is her talking to herself and she’s got such an emotional, pretty voice to pair with her heartbreaking journey home.

Axel/Lea’s relationship with his name is the same as a trans person with their deadname and I love that for him. For example, in the end of Dream Drop Distance, he gets frustrated with Riku not knowing it’s changed to Lea again but gives up on correcting him because the rest of what’s going on is more important. I’ve definitely done that with people deadnaming me.

On the other side of that coin, in ReMIND Demyx struggles to remember it’s Ienzo, not Zexion, but he corrects himself over and over. He doesn’t seem to want to deadname Ienzo, he just hasn’t gotten used to it yet. I think that more than anything else is what proved to me personally that Demyx really was trying to do something good.

Also, with Axel/Lea, can he not make bad jokes IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS OWN DEATH? Hello?! I said this on Twitter but hey, buddy, I love you dearly but now isn’t the time.

Xion’s name is pronounced she-on, not zee-on like I thought when I read it. Idk why I thought it was that way when I read it printed but it’s not.

Donald is always cute, all the time, and he’s cutest when he and Sora are squabbling like little kids. I love him. Or maybe that’s the Ducktales fan bias creeping in...

Speaking of HEY, WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME HDL AND SCROOGE ARE IN MORE THAN JUST THE KH TRILOGY?!?! What a pleasant surprise to see Scrooge in BBS and to visit Disney Town.

Nobodies make the wobble sound of laminated paper being shaken. I keep thinking about that for no reason.

Does anyone else think Riku saying he can “smell the darkness” on people in ReCOM is weird? Am I just really late to the party, or are we just going to ignore that? Yeah? Okay.

Aqua’s end of Birth by Sleep has some of the sweetest, most poetic dialogue in the series imo. When Aqua and Mickey are talking about Ven, and Sora and Riku talking about hurt within the heart? Yeah. I’ll cry.

Also, another sad scene: Isa and Lea as kids when Lea explains his whole “get it memorized” thing is so he can be remembered and live on, if need be. I cried real tears at that one.

Conversely, some of my favorite sweet scenes are: in the beginning of BBS when Aqua tells Ven and Terra they’d “make the weirdest brothers,” Sora meeting Santa in KH2(I think?) which reminds you hey, these are children, the scene right after they find out Goofy’s not dead and Donald flips out, Lea summoning his Keyblade for the first time(powermove,) and of course the series of reunions in KH3. There’s at least a solid scene or two in each game that really warms my cold sad heart.

Speaking of the KH3 reunions, the best one I think was Xion, Roxas, and Lea’s. At least with Aqua/Terra/Ven they started out with hope, and Aqua and Ven at least had the ability to hold onto that hope to get them through. The ex-Nobody crowd really didn’t have anything. Just the promise that they’d meet again, and maybe not even in this life. I will cry.

Some of the voice casting is surprisingly great. Like, Nala’s voiced by Vanessa Marshall, who did Gamora in the GOTG tv series. Love her. And Hynden Walch who does Starfire is the Alice voice at one point which was such a pleasant surprise.

Also hey, Zachary Levi went so fucking HARD on his voice work. Even Rapunzel has some lines that fall a little flat compared to the tone of the original, like the KH version of the “first time outdoors” sequence. But Flynn Rider has this consistent energy to him that I really love.

In ReCoded I really liked the second-person Mickey narration. Idk why. It just made me super happy.

Hercules is a movie that frequently becomes a level in these games and like every time they continue that trend of Phil’s “I got two words for you” joke like guys, wasn’t the thing in the original that it translated to two words in Greek? Not that he couldn’t count? Anyway that’s the best reoccurring joke. I hate it and love it in equal measure.

One of the frequent things in KH that I love is there’s this sense of ridiculousness to it. Like, it’s a lovely story with excellent worldbuilding and character designs, with a brilliantly complex plot, but like. You get into scenarios like the end of ReMIND, and Sora’s time-travelled to save his dying and sorta already dead friend(Kairi). He’s cradling his other dying friend in his arms and talking about how he found his way to them by tracing the connections between their hearts. Beautiful, poetic, showstopping, right? Except it’s Mickey motherfucking Mouse. You can’t find this anywhere else.

Speaking of ReMIND, the part where Sora connects all the keyhole things? It looks like a starry sky full of constellations? Yeah. Holy fucking SHIT is that pretty. I literally had to pause it twice to absorb the visuals in that scene.

To end off, here’s some of my pride headcanons: Terra and Xion are trans, Ventus and Riku are nonbinary, Saïx/Isa is agender, and Sora is genderfluid. Axel/Lea is pan, Kairi, Riku, and Sora are poly, and Aqua is bi. ((I definitely have more of these but these ones I think are most important.))

[ecto-american]

I think Ember’s entire self would have fit really well as being a deceased Kpop idol. Not just in terms of who she is as a character and it giving her more depth and personality that already matches her canon, but also give great social commentary on how toxic the music industry, especially Korea's, can be.

More detail explaining this under the cut.

Firstly a disclaimer: I was an absolute Kpop weeb in my high school years. I knew all the bands and dances and stuff, and thus I was somewhat exposed to the culture of Kpop. Since then, I kind of have gone back and done some researched and watched documentaries and the like (because I am a big sociology nerd), but I'm not that deeply invested in Kpop anymore. But this is a thought I've had for a long time, ever since I first began to hear some of the problems surrounding Kpop idols and such.

I also want to point out that I am not saying that Ember within canon is a deceased Kpop star. She clearly isn't, and I'm not trying to make a case as to why she is given canon evidence. I'm writing this because I really like this interpretation a lot better than what canon gave us. In my own personal headcanons and worldbuilding and rewrite fanfiction, Ember is a deceased Kpop star.

We got that squared away? Coolio. Let's start.

Now that “preface” or whatever is out of the way, I really want to begin this by giving some background on Korean pop, specifically the industry and the culture surrounding it, for those who don't know. This is going to give some much needed and important context behind what I'm about to say about Ember. I will also be providing as many sources as I can to this section, but a lot of this is really easy to find on google as well.

In Korea, to be a pop star: you basically have to be perfect. In your dance, music, appearance, your entire image is now basically the property of your manager. Plastic surgery is a massive deal in South Korea, and it's partly due to this.

When you get your contact, you basically have to go through a bootcamp, which involves: Limited contact with family and friends, dropping any romantic relationships or behaviors that would be deemed unwholesome (many companies even go as far as forbidding relationships so that fans can better “see” themselves as being with the idol, which increases sales), brutal training schedules and everything you do is so heavily monitored by your bosses. This has lead to many Kpop idols (especially women) to be dangerously underweight or to have eating disorders, 15 hour training days day after day, being fired for being in a relationship outside of their company's approval/against contract. It's caused literal deaths and mental breakdowns.

Of course, America has the eating disorder problem too, and long work days. But please take in mind: management in Korea actively pushes for these eating disorders and are almost applauded publicly for keeping their stars thin, while in America, it becomes an absolute scandal. And yes, America has long work days too, but in comparison to Korea, American musicians basically only release a single or two in a year, and an album about every three years or so. On average. Kpop groups are pressured to release one or two albums every year on top of regular singles. If you youtube Korean pop shows, there's so many examples of stars collapsing on stage due to exhaustion and hunger. And most of the time, they're forced to get back up and continue, compared to America where they're normally “hey show over”. There are some Americans who will go through with it, but it's normally stars who are determined to finish in spite. It's not a push by your boss to finish or be fired and blacklisted from the industry.

Kpop idols are often broke as fuck, so there’s not even that as compensations. Many literally don't get most of the proceeds from their music. Their contracts are often compared to being slave contracts by stars. One Kpop star even said that she and her group had to split one meal whenever they were on tour because they were in such poverty. Oh, a rising group, right? NO. It was one of the biggest fucking Kpop girl groups of the time, Stellar! But even if they were a brand spanking new group, what the fuck.

And why don't they leave? Because they wanna be famous and make music. It’s just that unfortunately, it’s a very saturated industry because the agencies literally just crank out so many idol groups every single year, thus leading to absolutely brutal competition. People are regularly rotated out and replaced within groups. Idol groups are regularly formed or disbanded There's lots of weekly programs and music competitions to see who's the best of the best. You're constantly ranked. You're constantly fighting for the top spot. Lots of Kpop idols have to really fight to get their name remembered or known. The best of the best get reknown internationally.

Okay I'm done with the background now, lol. But you get the jist! The Kpop industry is fucking brutal and needs a good social change. Though now that I've laid out a lot of this, you can kind of get the sense as to where I'm going with this.

Based on every appearance Ember has in the show, we can deduce two things: She hates adults and wants to be remembered.

What are two major problems within Kpop industries? Adults controlling these really young adults (normally freshly 18) trying to break into the industry that's hard to make a truly lasting impression on, that's trying to be remembered.

Ember, if we take her canonical song and the background information provided by interviews, is meant to have died in a fire after being stood up. But I think that she would much better fit as a character who died from the intense social, physical and mental pressures of being a Kpop star. Perhaps a Kpop star that was left forgotten in the crowd of idols, whether it's dying in an accident or suicide.

It’s just me, but I really personally don’t like the canon that she died in a fire because of a boy. It’s just really weak imo, and idk. I don’t like backstories based around a romantic interest like that, especially when it’s so bland. Ember is a fucking dead musician and rock star within canon, and that’s the best you can come up with? She died in a damn fire after a boy stood her up? No mentions that she was into music or something?

Of course, she likely wasn’t famous she died. She likely rose to fame post her death, but that’s still just really? Kind of a headscratcher in a sense? Ember deserves more. The given backstory of her death is literally so? Random imo? Given who she is in death? Unless her entire thing is about how she changed so much in death for a guy, which is kinda Hmm for me. But that’s most of canon lmao.

I feel like this Kpop idol angle would have been a much stronger backstory potential for her. It could paint her as this really hardworking idol, this incredibly talented musician and vocalist who just couldn't make the cut. Maybe she got fired for loving another idol. Perhaps she just wasn't up to the brutal industry standards of being a Kpop idol. It’s a backstory that clearly incorporates her musical talents within her life, and kind of gives her death more of an impact, that gives her more character depth. Whether she’s a perfectionist because of this or has such strong self esteem issues due to the pressures she experienced in life. All of this motivating her to work solely towards her goal, or making her realize that she just really wants to have a more relaxed life and do things like date freely and enjoy the peace and privacy she now likely can have.

Ember's powers would fit really well with this Kpop backstory too She can hypnotize people. Besides Kpop kind of literally hypnotizing a lot of people, it could be shown as a legitimate skill of hers, or something she gained in death as she hoped that she could truly charm an audience into remembering her. She wants to be remembered within canon. No matter the cost or sacrifice. The same kind of sacrifice and price many Kpop idols are forced to make and pay.

It gives her stronger motivations other than just being famous for the sake of being famous or to possibly get that one boy’s attention (? It really depends on your personal take). She wants to be famous to prove herself to a company that worked her to literal death or that basically rejected her, or as a personal dream finally achieved. She now has the power to destroy the adults that likely exploited her as slave labor that maybe made her die in poverty or after being another abuse victim.

To me, it’d help pack a better emotional punch and reasoning as to why she does what she does. Fame has much more meaning to her, it’s personal, losing it again would devastate her. At the end of Fanning the Flames, can you imagine how hysterical she might be if the entire sequence was an unintentional repeat of the events that lead her to her death? Why she’s so specifically disgruntled against adults other than the typical “teenage rebellion” to the point of turning them into slaves in Pirate Radio (which is? fucking wack considering how much better it’d be to use something else). Turning them into slaves just like they would have done to her for years, especially since it’s on exercise equipment. It’d bring personal satisfaction to possibly watch them run or bike or work out until they literally collapse like she might have done before. Then forced back on and continue. Hell, you can even explain as to why she kept her relationship with Skulker an apparent secret: she’s used to have to hiding a boyfriend or risk losing everything.

I would have loved to see her being used as a good social commentary on that industry specifically, but also as a hot take for the abuse that just happens in general too much within the music (and many other fame based industries).

If we're going by canon show airing date, Ember would have popped up right around the time Kpop was really making it's mark on American culture. America got really into Kpop in the mid-2000s and, as you can tell by BTS's popularity, is still going really strong. There's even an entire Wikipedia page about it, the Korean Wave. Whether you want to “modernize” DP or keep it in it's canon air date roots, this would still be a relevant possibility no matter where you personally like DP to fall on the IRL timeline.

While many Kpop stars are in groups, given her possible circumstances, she likely broke off to be a solo artist. If you've ever seen Kpop idol fashion, they're also very colorful! Very fashionable and interesting, and it'd be really cool to see more of that kind of fashion for her. The dances are very good too, well choreographed, and it'd just lead to really interesting possibilities as to how she looks and behaves on her stage.

I dunno man, I just feel like this is a really cool take. My personal take tbh, and I just think more people should think about deceased Kpop idol Ember.

[risthebrave]

okay so i was going to send in an ask for the director’s cut thing, but there were too many fics i wanted to ask about 😭 i’ll send them in but PLEASE keep in mind you don’t have to do them all i feel bad dmfjsjf

move so pretty (you’re all i see), sleeping on our problems, works like a charm, just a flicker in the dark, and sweet like honey

ahhh omg thank you for sending these in! i’m so sorry for how long it took to get out - i may have forgotten about it shjkskss also i don’t mind talking about all of them but i’m definitely going to keep each one short. you can find them under the cut:

move so pretty (you’re all i see) ~

this fic was started initially when i was doing word prompts using curiouscat! people would send me words and i’d write a quick little drabble/snippet... they’re typically around 300-ish words but i got the word “owns,” and maybe got a bit carried away? i think that prompt ended up being 1k words - too long to post using cc so i had to take screenshots and post as separate tweet. 

the idea that came to me was something i love to read in fics: one of them walking in on the other masturbating. i didn’t intend for it to become anything more than that snippet but i what can i say? i got intrigued. my brain helpfully provided a backstory: best friends, harry maybe having feelings for louis but not wanting to ruin their friendship... 

fast-forward three days and i posted an 11k fic shjssks

this was my first attempt at writing a pwp so that was an interesting experience!!! i’m too obsessed with giving backstories and arcs to ever write just pure smut but this is the closest i’ve gotten??? 5.5k/11k being smut, that is. and for once coming up with the title wasn’t too hard because there’s one song i always think of when it comes to best friends to lovers and that’s lucky!! 

i don’t really know what else to say for this one! i remember sarah and i both wrote and posted pwps in a short span of each other so that was fun... she’s actually the one who motivated me to finish and post this fic instead of just letting the idea go. and her dog ended up in the story: chica <3 my absolute favorite <3333

sleeping on our problems ~

welp. this fic was a struggle for a long time. idk if i’ve talked about it on this blog but this fic was initially an exes to lovers fic!!! where they spent harry’s rut together right before breaking up and then louis finds out he’s pregnant and angst ensues. 

changing it to a one-night stand (even though it wasn’t only one night shjksks) ended up being a really good decision in the way that this new version of the story required a lot less angst and reflection of their past relationship, choices, actions!! that first fic was going to be a lot heavier i think shjsks but i really love how it turned out!!

barring the main tropes, the progression of the story and the outline itself changed so. much. in the process of writing... i found an earlier saved version of my outline and the story is almost completely unrecognizable haha. and actually the most recent saved version of the outline is also not 100% accurate to the final story because for the last 10k of the story, i was flying completely free shjsksk. 

also, even after i finished the fic, i went back and added two scenes the next day so it’s safe to say i changed so much of this story -- it was never supposed to be that long either hsjsksk the goal was 48-50k and i thought i was being optimistic!

somewhat in the same vein but also really different: this fic was one of the first fics i ever wrote out of order! before this, i had switched around maybe a couple times when writing a fic but mostly stuck to chronological order. but in this one i kept getting stuck with certain scenes and decided that i’d never reach my goal of finishing unless i switched to parts of the story i had the inspiration to write in the moment instead of getting stuck on one single part i had no motivation for. it really helped the process and i’ve been switching around ever since. 

another thing that really helped me actually finish this fic was the motivation and encouragement of people on twitter and i’m still so appreciative of it now :’) there’s no way i could have finished this fic without the kind words and well wishes of my mutuals!!

(also - i included an easter egg in this fic from another one of my fics... i suppose that’s sort of the type of insight that fits for these things? the ballet louis and harry saw in new york was swan lake <3)

works like a charm ~

ooo i wrote this fic for my friend’s birthday!! she loves hp aus and slytherin hl so it was just a given that i write that for her. i was on a deadline - pretty sure i made the doc on september 4th, aka nine days before i posted - and i hadn’t had my full outline done when i started which is is... let’s just say very uncommon. 

this is another example of me going off outline and changing the story as i went because initially the estimation was about 12k and the basic plot was that after they’d fuck for the first time, they’d immediately talk about the past and resolve those misunderstandings. but when i got to that point, i realized it felt too rushed for how the story was progressing so i extended it a bit and added some more *tension* and *miscommunication* until they finally got their shit together!

also i feel like some would find louis’ blatant lies when interrogated about his feelings for harry to be unrealistic but as someone who has definitely done the exact same thing (lmao - without the happy ending), i find it a definite possibility. and i mean, we all say stuff we don’t mean under pressure - whether it’s to louis’ (and my) extent or not. 

another thing i remember about this fic was having to work out with sarah - who was also posting a fic for this friend’s birthday - posting times and dates. we eventually agreed that she’d post first and i’d post the day after (neither were the actual day of the birthday because we were both running late!) this is a conversation we proceeded to have many other times since we both have made habits of birthday fics and we pretty much have the same friends. 

all of this was also happening in sync with us writing a fic together for our other friend’s birthday which was on the 8th... yes it was exactly as chaotic and stressful as you’re thinking but also fun! and i love all three fics involved!! haha. 

just a flicker in the dark ~

okay this fic is definitely my favorite thing i’ve ever written and i’ve said that before many, many times but it’s true! but it too changed so much from the initial idea to the final end product. 

in fact, the original idea was a 20k somewhat-crack fic where harry was a ghost and louis was the paranormal investigator trying to get him to stop haunting this house. it was just supposed to be a quick and fun halloween fic to work on while finishing up my first blff and finally making head way on my abandoned second blff... obviously, that changed drastically. 

it initially started with me getting the idea of louis and harry being partners and enemies. and then i was thinking... why not throw exes on top of it while we’re there??? that was completely self-indulgent since exes to lovers is my favorite trope of all time. but the idea was still that they were paranormal investigators trying to work a case on a haunted house and though the estimated wc had raised to 35k, i was still hoping that it’d be quick and easy because i had two other projects that needed a lot of my attention. 

then came the first day of october. i woke up after having the craziest dream about louis and harry and the ghost that was not really a ghost. i ended up writing about 7k that thursday and the story really just took shape from there. the first sequence i wrote was actually the scene where louis goes into the backyard and ends up in the pocket dimension where the spirit imprints on him - i think it was a 3.5k scene and it just flew out of me sjksjsk. after that i took a small break to start my outline but it was more of a messy list of ideas and details and things i wanted to include than my usual organized format. the next scene i wrote that day was the scene where louis is in the bedroom and the demon is there but harry is not but then he is (i’m so good at describing things, right?) that’s actually one of my favorite scenes i’ve ever written and the funny thing is that i barely even knew all the details of the demon plot by this point but my hands just kept typing and my brain had the tendrils of the story forming and that amazing feeling that this is something good. 

i could ramble on forever about the process of writing this fic but i’ll just say that it’s the most fun i’ve ever had writing anything ever. word-building and supernatural elements are my favorite and getting to delve into those things here was so much fun! the entire process took twenty-five days (spanning from october 1st to october 28th - with a small three day break to focus on finishing miss wedding au!!) and though i did have some small struggles and moments of writer’s block, for the most part the story just came to me. and it’s so amazing to me because i didn’t even have all the details and facets of the plot until louis did too but it ended up working out??? if anything, it showed his process of figuring things out really well because it was the process of me figuring things out!

also this was the first time i heavily featured a fic pet in a fic and i fell as much in love with venus as everyone else did :’) she has my heart, truly <3 i love this world and these characters so so much and i hope to return to it sometime in the future!

sweet like honey ~

whooo, okay, this fic... yikes. this fic was a capital s Struggle. 

so basically this fic was written for the blff and though it came out first, it was the second prompt i signed up for, prompt 63: Friends to lovers AU where Harry and Louis are best friends and flatmates in Uni and they both need money, Harry for his gym membership and Louis for cute stuff like sanrio plushies, so they decide to film homemade porn videos together. Louis is shy and sweet and maybe inexperienced and Harry kinda doms him.

i remember the exact moment i saw the blff post on tumblr about it being allowed to sign up for another prompt from that point on - i was sitting at the counter at my friend’s ranch’s kitchen eating crepes and browsing on my phone. i saw the post and immediately signed up for this prompt because it had been my second choice and though i love love loved my first prompt so much, i was disappointed at not being able to write this one... but i did!

the idea and basic outline was actually completed way back in july/august but for some reason i just couldn’t make any actual progress on it for so long??? i’m pretty sure the document was stuck at 5k for over three months shsjksks to be fair, i did keep pushing it to the side in favor of other newer fics but i was just experiencing the biggest barrier when it came to this story and characters. 

in fact, i actually reached out to the mods in late october about a potential extension - they informed me that all writers could use a two week extension if needed and i figured that would be fine. however, i didn’t end up using it! within the first few days of november, i managed to pull the wc up to 8k by the skin of my teeth (was still majorly struggling) - i was still sure i’d need an extension but then something really awful but in this case, helpful, happened... 

election week. 

basically, i’m a big stress-writer. writing is what i do when i’m upset or anxious or stressed because it truly is my happy place. i wouldn’t say writing during that week made me feel much better about everything going on but it provided a distraction. so much though that i went from 8k to 24k in the span of a few days... and i have absolutely no recollection of writing any of it. 

not only did i not need any extension, i also somehow ended up finishing early by a few days. and i really liked what i had!! or what i remembered of it anyway shjskks.

one thing i remember really focusing on in terms of these characters and dynamic was having it actually just be them starting as friends and developing feelings later. i feel like a common trope in friends to lovers fics is having one or both of them with pre-existing feelings that they feel is unrequited. obviously there’s nothing wrong with that (i’ve written it myself lol) and it’s a common trope for a reason - because it’s good - but i wanted to try something a little different. them actually filming these videos is what acted as the catalyst to them beginning to view their relationship with new eyes and open the door to the eventual feelings that developed. 

i also had so much fun writing harry’s pov in this one haha. i feel like this version of him was really bold and shameless and super easy for me to develop. 

this is also the closest i’ve ever gotten to meeting my estimation word count... ever. my estimate was 32k and it ended up at 33k!!! and yes i’m more proud of that than i should be lol

-

anyways, i pretty much just rambled but if anyone sees this and gets some good insight out of it, then yay! feel free to send more director’s cut inquiries!! i love doing them (even if it takes me weeks - sorry again!)

[theshinsun]

1. as far as im concerned Kagami never left at the end of last game, that was an extended dream sequence... 2. i also totally agree with you that Kagami is prolly vers, if anything, and it was also MY PET PEEVE when people pinholed him into being a forever bottom at the peak of knb hype. 3. you keep teasing your long list of ships for Aomine PLEASE do him for the character thing lol. So far all your opinions are sending me into a realm of GOOD VALID VIBES

Omg thank you!! (I agree end of Last Game is not canon… or if it is he came right back the next year or smth I refuse to accept he just left forever. And I’m really glad to see the problem of Uke™ Kagami seems to be in decline these days… fewer people are writing for knb in general, but those that are seem to have an idea what a real gay relationship is or at least make him a fucking person and not a walking stereotype, and that’s encouraging to see). 

Also thanks so much for sending Aomine! …Strap in for this character essay tho I’ve been known to never shut up about this boy once you get me started.

How I feel about this character

I honestly… can’t even explain it anymore or even try to justify it but Aomine has had a bigger impact on me than, I think, any other character I’ve seen to date. I don’t even know what it is, I do relate to him (and project on him *cough*) but like, there are other characters out there that I have more in common with, and I like his whole arc and aesthetic but it’s nothing revolutionary, so… your guess is as good as mine. 

Whatever it is, I’ve been obsessed with this guy for over half a decade, and lately even as the KNB fandom falls into decline, my feelings are not they’re just getting stronger. His development over the course of the series is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever seen, (that one bit at the end of the Touou/Seirin game with “I want to practice” and his later conversation with Kuroko hit me in the fucking chest every time), and I love how even though he’s portrayed as cold, uncaring and rude, it’s still understood (at least by anyone with some nuance) that that’s not what he’s supposed to be like, and underneath the distant, kind of dickish front, he’s hurting a lot. I’ve talked about the degree to which he cares about people before too, but I still have to give a mention to the ferocious level of protectiveness this guy has for his friends. I could go on about him for ages, tbh, and maybe someday I will write a for-real structured essay to try to get it out there, but the bottom line is I love this character, I have for a long time, and likely will continue to do so long into the future.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Okay here we go… I ship this guy extremely liberally, even with people he’s never interacted with (hell you could mention any random character and I could probably see my way clear to shipping them with him somehow, I’ll still try to explain my logic if I can). Prepare yourself.

Kagami (of course, AoKaga is the OTP and definitely the one I’ve devoted the most time to, they’re just the best together I’ll never get tired of seeing them figure their shit out over and over)

Kuroko (I may be AoKaga on main, but I’m still such a sucker for the tragic romance between these two, and sometimes it just hits me over the head like a sledgehammer how much I love their relationship. I’ve also got a lot of feelings for AoKagaKuro, they’re such a perfect trio and I need to invest more of my time in the OT3)

Kise (I was a bit late to the game on AoKise, but I definitely see it now. I love their dynamic and how imperfect their relationship would probably be, the complexity of it. sign me up)

Momoi (I don’t see a lot of AoMomo love anymore, but I’ve still got a soft spot for it, childhood friends are my weakness okay)

Midorima (they’re so different but that’s what makes it interesting, and I love the idea of neither of them knowing how to show/tell the other their feelings and being awkward stubborn shits together)

Murasakibara (they almost never interact but I just think they’d have such a soft cuddly relationship and be really chill together… lazy Sunday mornings sleeping in and hanging all over each other that kinda thing)

Akashi (kinda same as Akashi/Kagami, I think the difference between polished upper-class Akashi and scrappy city boy Aomine would be hella interesting… though I’ve also got some angst ideas for them as a couple, after how things went down at Teiko… abandonment and whatnot)

Imayoshi (I got pulled into this ship HARD by Lysapadin’s A Firm Hand series and now it’s no longer a guilty pleasure ship and is actually something I’ll talk about in the open, just… the power dynamic fuck me up)

Sakurai (I fuckin love the idea of an anxious Sakurai crushing hard on Aomine and not knowing how to tell him but when he finally plucks up the courage and prepares himself for imminent death Aomine’s actually pretty chill about it… plus they’d be adorable together tbh)

Wakamastu (you know it’s gotta be enemies to lovers. not just bc I’m intrigued by the love/hate relationship itself but if you look past the attitude issues these two would actually probably have a lot in common. also I’m really interested in how their dynamic might change with Wakamatsu being captain and all)

Susa (idk but there’s one throwaway line in season 3 where Imayoshi says about Aomine “actually maybe he likes you” and that’s enough for me. bring me the rarest rarepair my body is ready)

Kasamatsu (it wasn’t supposed to be SERIOUS but they got me. That moment in the Touou/Kaijo game where Aomine helps him up and “you’ve really done it now, senpai” is legit, plus these two would be such a good-looking couple, honestly.)

Mibuchi (give me the pretty boys. I have no excuse for this except maybe their interactions in my own damn fic again)

Nebuya (sometimes shipping can be as simple as hey I want them to bang right. also they’re both humongous dorks under their respective rough exteriors and I love them)

Moriyama (they bond over liking girls at first and then they’re simultaneously like wait a minute… more Touou/Kaijo ships pls)

Nijimura (I have this idea of them reuniting late into/after high school and Aomine still calls him captain out of habit and Nijimura’s like relieved and impressed to see how he’s developed since the mess at Teiko)

Himuro (they Never interact but they’d be so Petty and Snarky sign me up)

Haizaki (twisted, but I’m interested it’d be so unhealthy and awful bring it)

Hanamiya (even more twisted tbh but there is that moment where Aomine confronts him… and I’m here for hate sex just as much as your typical romance)

Inoue (who, you ask? I know he’s such a side character and no one remembers him, but he’s a big reason for Aomine’s downfall at Teiko and they seemed to be buddies before that, I’d be interested in some kind of reconciliation between them, or a romance, ya know whatever works)

And then we get into crossover territory… MOST of these are not my fault they’re just things I’ve seen and adopted for myself

Kuroo Tetsurou (someone made a moodboard for them, and now I can’t stop thinking about them in a relationship, like damn… it’d be such a beautiful mess I wanna see more of it)

Oikawa Tooru (I’ve seen art, and also the light. These two damaged angsty prodigies, one sharp as a whip the other dumb as bricks, but both of them sassy and nerdy as hell. I could see myself getting addicted to this ship if I took the time to write it out, and I just might)

Yamazaki Sousuke (can’t lie, they look good together. I’ve seen more than one art piece of them interacting and I have a Mighty Need.)

Matsuoka Rin (angry lonely talented boys finding solace in each other’s company? you know that’s my shit. also shark teeth and cop AUs hells yeah.) 

Tanaka Ryuunosuke (I don’t know where the fuck this idea came from but I thought of Tanaka trying to pick a fight with “shitty boi” Aomine while in Tokyo and then losing his shit and here we are)

Terushima Yuuji (this one is purely physical… they pretty, I have no other reason, but also this absolute fuckboy, these two would be such a train wreck and I’m here for it tbh)

Yachi Hitoka (okay picture this Giant Terrifying basketball player trying to be less giant and terrifying to tiny shy Yachi and tell me you don’t just want to see that happen. I get Legosi/Haru vibes.)

I’ll spare you the rest of the ideas I’ve tossed around, because past this point it becomes pure crack (if it hasn’t already) but you get the idea. Throw a character my way and I can probably talk myself into it that’s the power this guy has over me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My non-romantic OTP for this character

K considering the List… it shouldn’t be surprising that I also consider this person a romantic candidate, but you know when it comes to non-romantic OTP it’s gotta be Momoi. Platonic or romantic, the way she’s stuck with him all those years and his obvious protectiveness and love for her and how (even though he claims to like big tits) he never even once starts to objectify her in any way, it’s so important to me. Momoi is Aomine’s redeeming factor when he’s at his worst, and she goes to bat for him even while he’s actively trying to shake her off and still tries to protect and help him when he refuses to accept it, even when it means they fight. (Also Kuroko saying “Aomine’s probably looking for you” after their argument puts to mind Aomine running through the rain calling Momoi’s name and that is just… pure). These two have the kind of unshakable long-standing friendship that’ll probably last them the rest of their lives, and no matter what context or form it takes, I can’t get enough of it. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

I’ve harped on enough about the fandom’s portrayal of Aomine as a one-note asshole who doesn’t care before, so let’s see if I can change gears a little bit here. 

I honestly don’t agree with… the persistent idea people seem to have of Aomine being a narcissist or obsessed with himself? Like yeah, he’s self-absorbed and egotistical, no question, this is not to say he hasn’t got those flaws and others besides… but that’s not the same as being like, physically attracted to yourself. Part of me suspects it was a “the only one who can fuck me is me” joke taken too far, so that now the idea of Aomine being in love with himself is just ingrained into the fanon culture, but if you look at the show itself, personally I don’t see it. If anything, I would think he’d have some self-loathing issues to work through (and that’s part of the reason he gave for skipping practice, he doesn’t want to be the way he is, and specifically says he doesn’t want to increase the difference between him and everyone else). But hey, that’s just my opinion. I’ll get off my soapbox now.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I mean he says he and Kagami are postponing their match, after their brief one-on-one when he gives him the shoes, and then we never get to see it… Tbh just more street ball with this guy would be great, since it’s what his whole style is based around. Even if he’s just playing by himself… or hell, maybe since he thinks no one at the high school level can beat him, we could get a scene of him trying to go up against adults. Maybe he still beats them and his despair worsens after that, but then it’d have more meaning, and at least we’ll have seen that he’s tried and is not just giving up before he’s seen all of what he could be up against in the future. Plus, picturing Aomine going five-on-one like Haizaki did against grown-ups and still slaughtering them is something I’d pay money to see. 

[all-seeing-ifer]

8 + 13 Buffy !

8. Most visually beautiful or interesting episode/scene

Honestly there’s so many scenes in Buffy that are really visually interesting - one of my favourite things about the show is how despite its clearly very limited budget the direction is often incredibly ambitious, especially for a 90s show! Obviously I have to mention Restless because it has so many creative visuals and so many of the effects are really simple yet really effective - like I love that the surreal scene transitions were literally just done by filming the actors walking between sets! Also it is genuinely the only dream sequence I’ve ever seen in TV that actually felt the way dreams feel to me, especially the way they put emphasis on really small elements or bits of dialogue to make even seemingly ordinary scenarios feel really off and intense. I’ve got kind of off topic and I’m more just talking about the writing of the episode now, but my point stands!

In terms of individual scenes, I really love the opening of The Body because I’m secretly super pretentious and appreciate a well-executed long take, and the one shot in the Standing sequence of Once More, With Feeling where Buffy is filmed in slow motion in the foreground and Giles is in the background not in slow motion because A) I love the symbolism of it and B) It looks deceptively simple but I have no idea how they did it and it drives me up the wall!!!!

Oh and speaking of!!!! Idk if this counts but the choreography in OMWF is legit really good a lot of the time and I love watching it! Like I appreciate the omwf choreography to the extent that I used the I’ll Never Tell dance break as a reference for my end of year film! When will modern movie musicals ever!!

13. Overall best-written episode

For me, it has to be The Body - it’s definitely not an episode I enjoy or would want to rewatch very often, but the writing is just so so GOOD OH MY GOD HOW DO I EVEN TALK ABOUT IT????? 

Ok so to properly express how incredibly powerful the writing is to me I should probably say this - The Body was one of the first episodes of Buffy I ever saw, because my friend who introduced me to btvs was apparently very not good at choosing which episodes of a show to use to get people into it. So I watched this episode like a couple of years before I got into the show proper and I had basically no context for anything that was happening in it, and yet!! Even with my complete lack of knowledge of any of the characters or anything like that I could still really appreciate how unique and just...visceral the episode is. Like it feels so raw and genuine and you can tell that so much of it comes from this really personal place, which definitely stands out from the rest of Buffy which tends to feel almost unapologetically scripted (which sounds like a dig but I really don’t mean as a bad thing...but again I’m getting off topic that’s a whole other ramble). I guess the point I’m trying to make is that it’s so impressive to me how the episode manages to walk this fine line between really diving deep into the misery of this awful situation while never feeling like it’s just trying to be sad. Like it actually has a lot to say about death and grief and the existential nightmare that is mortality and I think that all that, combined with how personal it feels, really makes it work as a genuine piece of art! It’s such a unique exploration of grief because you get to see how everyone is impacted by Joyce’s death, even people who don’t really know her that well, like Anya, and I think that’s something you don’t really see in media most of the time? Like normally when a character dies the narrative will at most focus on the couple of characters that were closest to them, so I love that The Body extends the scope of that to really take a deep dive into everyone’s responses and how they’re affected by their unique relationships to Joyce!

Oh god I rambled so much about that but hey, I don’t think it’s controversial to say that The Body is a fantastic piece of writing and it deserves to be rambled about!

[thegeminisage]

i’m gonna liveblog my rewatch of 2.08 because i can

it’s stupid long so here’s the cut

just to give you an idea of how fast this switch flipped for me at the start of this episode when uther is like “u will find no one who embodies nobleness better than my son arthur” i went “PFFFFFT” & had a good chortle

i have a lot to say about this duel challenge sequence. 1. why are strangers always coming in and tossing their glove on the floor. everyone in that room is armed. just take them out! 2. arthur picks up the glove first this time, unlike 1.03. guess he can learn after all 3. he does it BEFORE SEEING HER FACE god classic he’s so fucking stupid

everyone getting their panties in a twist over having to fight a WOMAN when in reality she goes on to kick his ass is like...both tiresome & hilarious

i used to really be on the fence about the Vibe between merlin & arthur because while they seemed quite happy to die for one another from the get-go most of the time arthur is just being MEAN and merlin isn’t as mean back and it’s like :/ ok i don’t get what everyone else is so heart-eyes over. but in 2.08 they do a lot of confiding in one another and just general talking about plot-stuff where arthur’s insults are...not absent, but kept to a minimum, and idk it’s nice! it’s nice. less like arthur is a massive bully and more like they’re Companions. i’m not hopeful about it lasting bc this show doesn’t know the meaning of the words “consist continuity” but it was reeeeeaally good here

arthur’s face when he lost to a G I R L and uther just walked out with no comment. even back when i still hated him i was like “ouch”

that being said it was a welcome change of pace to see merlin giving ARTHUR shit for once. finally

upon morgause and morgana’s first meeting when morgause says “i hope you will remember me fondly” i went “WOW THAT’S GAY” because i didn’t KNOW and cathy told me later she had to put her head in her hands for five whole minutes. don’t shoot me i’m just the messenger they’re the ones who wrote it that way

my favorite thing about morgause is that i couldn’t immediately figure her out. i’m in the habit of throwing out guesses about future plot points for fun, because i’m a writer and that’s how i deconstruct things, and since this show was kind of meant to be kid-friendly i’m usually right. but as far as morgause went...i didn’t have a clue. i had NO IDEA this whole ep would be like this

i’ve said this before (not on this blog tho) but arthur is like...really eager to die. i keep joking that he has a death wish but upon further reflection i don’t think he’s actively seeking to end his life as much as he would be relieved to die for something noble like honor or whatever because then he would have...done it right, if that makes any sense, and wouldn’t have to worry about screwing it up anymore. he doesn’t want to die but he craves a good death. to prove to his dad and himself that he’s made of the right stuff?? i’m not being very clear. this concept requires more thought

it’s REALLY a lot for me that uther would rather throw arthur in his own chambers than have him find out about ygraine. yyyyikes

merlin sneaking in that rope was so cute. he finally got the group’s communal braincell for a few minutes

on the other hand after the troll episodes i am SO tired of dung being played for laughs. i really suffered

also man i’m so glad morgana finally got some sleep it’s what she deserves

this Dead Parent talk really mcmurdered me. both merlin and arthur lost a parent when they were very young & they now cannot remember said parent and we HAVE THAT IN COMMON so every single word they said was like an arrow straight to my heart!!!!!!! like as good as the ending to this episode was (and OH it was good OHHHHH it was GOOD) i think this right here is what truly softened me up towards arthur. this is relatability, this is emotional vulnerability, this is a genuine human connection made between EQUALS and frankly it’s exactly what i’ve been wanting from these guys for a season and a half. their willingness to die for each other is good stuff to be sure but it’s EMPTY without some meat to back it up & we’re finally getting what we deserve

“i’d do anything for even the vaguest memory” like they didn’t have to go that hard & read me for filth like that but they did. they did. arthur. babe. my guy.

almost every time someone comes in to speak with uther he’s eating and he has like an entire mini-banquet in front of him even though he’s all by himself. like, an entire plate of grapes, a whole-ass chicken, an intact loaf of bread, a bowl FILLED with whole uncut apples...wtf??

“what would YOU know about magic, merlin?” “nothing ;)” i did have a good chortle truly

i’ve already made my points about arthur and a good death but MAN he was hasty to put his head on that chopping block for no good fucking reason at all. holy shit. him casually doing that swing-thing he does with his sword to the axe ahead of time really adds a lot to this entire thing and also aged me ten years

when arthur was like “what if my father’s attitude towards magic is wrong” and “surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil” i gasped so fucking loud. so fucking loud

and the worst part is you can practically feel merlin’s heartbeat pick up. just LOOK at his “wtf am i hearing is this for real could my dreams actually come true” face. but at the same time, he’s got to be the one with a healthy suspicion here because arthur is in over his head. so he STILL can’t trust it. and then naturally it goes to hell so quickly that the chance for merlin to confide in arthur is lost. i can’t believe this took 4 irl years and five seasons. watching this live must have been like TORTURE. i’m practically bingeing it and i’m still suffering deeply

it’s very odd to me that arthur specifically said his mother died before he opened his eyes but the first thing ygraine says to him is that she remembers him staring up at her. to me that’s an obvious clue that she’s a fake, and the cutaway during that line to merlin’s face tells me he had the same suspicion (and that he’s kind of horrified by it)

ARTHUR FEELS SO GUILTY FOR HER DYING AND I’M ALSO DYING AND SLDFKMGHLSKDFJH

i know for a fact that ygraine’s telling of these events is slightly altered from the truth too...there’s no way that uther would have been so overcome with grief that he went on to commit genocide if he knew beforehand that his wife would die and was willing to sacrifice her

on the other hand, there’s also a cutaway to morgause’s face during this speech in which she looks surprised or confused at what ygraine says, which doesn’t add up if she was pulling these strings, so...What Is The Truth

not to be like this but merlin bearing witness to this whole series of events is like...there’s some things that once you go through them with somebody things between you change and there’s a new intimacy there...i don’t expect much from a show that likes to return to the status quo but in my heart it’s how i feel

OH BOY HERE WE GO. arthur arrives in camelot and pulls his sword out as soon as he leaves his horse leaving a visibly spooked merlin behind him this is the STUFF

“arthur was born of magic” is really a hell of a line because even though i already knew this backstory i hadn’t stopped to consider it like that...no, magic is not a crucial part of arthur’s identity and how he views himself the way it is for merlin and morgana, but it’s still a part of his history and what made him who he is, that made him alive and different from other people. his hatred and fear of it becomes so much more tragic in that light. i think also there was such a clear line drown before between people who are magic and people who are not and for me, mentally, arthur kind of...swapped sides, or is at least straddling the border

merlin’s absolute FURY at uther’s hypocrisy is like...........fucking. another thing i wanted to see for a season and a half. imo there’s not nearly enough meat to the fact that merlin is magic and ultimately serves uther who is trying to decimate him and his kind - has actually SAVED UTHER'S LIFE on MULTIPLE occasions. this is the first time this show actually went “hey uther is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and that’s really not at all ok” and i am SO into it. like, no, he’s not misguided. he’s not “just grieving.” he’s a murderer. he’s responsible for genocide.

the final 9 minutes of this episode feature arthur pendragon being absolutely FURIOUS. he’s LIVID. he’s PISSED. and i love it more than anything else this show has done so far

i genuinely, truly believed he didn’t have this in him. never in my WILDEST DREAMS could i have imagined arthur doing this. i had written it off as the stuff of fanfics. but holy shit my man snapped

HE👏DID👏THAT👏

reasons i did not see this coming at all even a little: 1. i figured there was no way arthur would get over his anti-magic thing until near the end (i know it must come back later, but STILL) 2. i did not believe for one second he could ever seriously stand up to his father for more than a few minutes at a time 3. most of what’s making arthur so goddamn pissed is that he thinks his dad killed his mom on purpose but he’s also showing a fair amount of horror at the fact that uther hunted down and killed everyone even remotely associated with sorcery like animals. do you know what that is? does anybody else understand the enormity of this? HE IS SHOWING EMPATHY. i DID NOT believe he was capable of it.

i do feel a way about how uther started this scene from a place of cool confidence - he was handing out orders, “leave us and no one comes in,” manipulating the situation, “she was lying to you, magic users are trying to destroy us,” and finally trying to close the door on the topic and reassert control, “i am your kind and your father and you will SHOW ME SOME RESPECT” - and arthur was not only having none of it (the way his eyes narrowed as uther’s casual “she was lying”...oh boy) he TURNED THE TABLES and had uther ON THE DEFENSIVE. the number of times we’ve seen uther shut other people down and get his way because he’s king and everyone is afraid of him and this time uther was the one who afraid LITERALLY for his life. HOW’S THAT TASTE BITCH god it was SO satisfying. like, there’s one shot where arthur is walking slowly towards him after all his verbal tactics have failed to de-escalate the situation and he’s in the backround with his eyes so fucking wide and he looks TERRIFIED. i LOVE IT

“you are my son. you would not strike an unarmed man.” “i no longer consider myself your son” AND HE STRIKES HIM

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

when i say that i LITERALLY screamed i am not at all exaggerating or using hyperbole. cathy asked twice if i needed to pause & collect myself. i could not have paused if my life depended on it

i’m really on the fence about merlin stopping arthur. on the one hand, arthur has suffered enough and doesn’t need to suffer more by having to carry the guilt or dadmurder. under the other, uther is a monster and needs to die, and the entire world would be better off without him

like...arthur’s face when he says “you have caused so much suffering and pain”...he really finally got it. for one beautiful brilliant moment he understood

i am NOT on the fence about merlin lying to arthur. that was the wrong way to do it. arthur 6000% deserves to know the truth and that’s only gonna come back and bite them later i’m sure (unless it never comes back at all in which case i’ll be pissed)

i’m not sure that arthur would have backed off if they had told the truth and said “uther didn’t realize your mom was gonna die so really that part wasn’t his fault”...he was really mad! but he might’ve. lying was not the way to go. i’m so angry at literally everyone in that scene for allowing arthur to walk away believing he was wrong. he was so full of conviction and he was about to do a really good thing - not good for him personally, but good for the world - and everyone he trusts lied to his face in order to maintain the status quo and not have to deal with anything ugly. i HATE it. i’m team arthur now. i’m in the arthur defense squad. all those dumb liars aren’t good enough to be his friends!!!!!!

like, even his dad’s words were sooo carefully chosen to avoid lying but also avoid telling the whole truth. even in that moment when arthur was laying it all bare and they could have made some sort of progress as character and as people. we had to go BACK TO THE STATUS QUO

Once Again Arthurs Heart Is Hardened To Magic i hate it thanks

honestly look uther telling arthur that he’s a trusted ally in the fight against magic should make him feel a lot more distressed than what we got. i mean i’m sure he’s glad his cover is safe but he should realize that if uther approves he’s doing something wrong

furthermore, uther hasn’t changed a bit. he says he came to thank merlin and that merlin is a loyal servant and trusted ally, but then threatens his life before he leaves. honestly we should have just let arthur stab him

i do appreciate them making a point of mentioning that merlin was tempted to let uther die and that it would have been better for him if uther HAD died and he only did what he did to protect arthur but like...there were ways to do that that didn’t involve lying i think. this is an optimistic show most of the time. it wouldn’t have messed with my suspension of disbelief if arthur had dropped the sword knowing the real whole truth! but no, The Status Quo

i don’t know if i will still love arthur so much in the coming episodes.................we’ll see. i’m kind of nervous because i don’t know how they’re ever going to top this. i think we peaked right here and it’ll never be this good for me again

[the-end-of-the-storm]

GoT 8x03 aka The Battle of WinterHELL

I can’t help but feel like this is the episode of missed opportunities and (unintentional) wtf moments. Just a little warning: this will not be the most positive review and I hate that I feel this way about the episode because I know how much work (55 consecutive night shots!) went into creating it but I can’t help but not love it. There was some good stuff in there too, and I’ll mention it but don’t expect hails of praise from this. Also, keep in mind, that I LOVE this show to death and that it’s not my intention to bash it – it’s still the best and most thought-through show I’ve ever seen – but I also need to get all my feeling about this mess out.

They foreshadowed the crypts being unsafe in 8x02 with the subtlety of a sledgehammer and then it turned out that they actually were breached… but it has like no consequences? No one that we know died and there wasn’t even a good close combat scene. Super odd. The whole crypts stuff in general was really … underwhelming.

I was really out there expecting some Sansa x Varys’ (ya know, Varys meeting his Dream Queen) bonding in the crypts but instead I got … another conversation with Tyrion … ok lol, thanks. Next.

On a positive side note, however, if they’d wanted to make Sansa x Tyrion romantic, they would have made a Wight attack her and Tyrion save her, you know this whole thing with her wanting a hero … or to make it a twist Sansa would have saved Tyrion. But D&D noped out of that big times.

Missandei, I love you, but you need to chill.

Alys Karstark, what are you up to? Stayin’ alive and all that … So far, at least.

Why bring Ghost out for 0.2 seconds for no purpose at all? Fighting with the Dothraki? Am I to believe that Ghost wouldn’t be with, um, I don’t know … Arya, Sansa or Bran? I’m sorry I don’t buy that. If you can’t afford or don’t want to spend money on his CGI to give him meaningful scenes THEN DON’T FUCKING SHOW HIM AT ALL! The only theory I have about Ghost being in both episodes since the parentage reveal but not in 8x01 when Jon returns to Winterfell and a Jon x Ghost reunion would have made sense, is that Ghost is a symbol for Jon’s Stark-ness and therefore I suspect that we’ll see him further until it is once and for all revealed that … tamtatatam … Jon wants to stay a Stark. Surprising, right? -.-

My main problem with this episode is that I felt disconnected to it all. Even in the bits where Jaime saved Brienne I felt like they were shot in a way that didn’t evoke emotions in me. Don’t know how to express myself correctly but it was just off. Felt like we were just swiping through the scenery, and over characters but didn’t actually focus on anyone.

That Arya x Walking Dead scene was alright HOWEVER how ‘bout some dialogue instead??

Ok, so the Night King raises the dead but no one has to fight a killed loved one??? (Or, you know maybe they did and I just couldn’t see it …) This is a missed opportunity so big I can’t quite believe it. Maybe it is time for a proper re-watch, idk.

Most of the episode I was wondering what the dragons were up to ... only to realize over and over again that they were up to LITERALLY nothing O.o 

I’m forever going to be pissed that when Bran said “You’re a good man. Bye.” He let Theon f*cking die when I was fully expecting him to be like: “You’re a good man, thank you. But now it’s time to go.” I would have felt that. But of course f*cking not. I suppose I did feel that, too.

Would it have killed them to give Jon a decent fighting sequence with the Night King though? Jon has been so obsessed with him and sacrificed so much to defeat the NK, he would have deserved to get to kick his ass a bit in one on one combat. (And no, the dragon fighting doesn’t count because I couldn’t tell shit apart. I still don’t know which dragon got bitten and which did the biting, like … this is what you chose to spend so much CGI on, are you for real???)

I’m slightly disappointed that the NK only tried to shot a dragon with his badass spears one f*cking time!! It’s not because I dislike the dragons and want them gone (which I do), I just think it could have made good visuals and raised the stakes even further (I know the stake were pretty darn high to begin with but I just didn’t feel anything.)

Can the Night King speak or does he just choose not to cause “reasons”? Well, at least he can smirk like a boss … Seriously, he’s the most generic and boring villain ever. Glad he’s a goner though.

Also, what was the point of the White Walkers? Like, did they do anything but stand around at the tree line? I was really waiting for them to … I don’t know … try to shoot a dragon out of the sky or fuck things up in the castle.

I like that it was Arya who saved the day, I wasn’t expecting that and I feel there was a bit of foreshadowing for this but it was done so anti-climactic I couldn't properly enjoy it. I still wish they would have done some more foreshadowing for this but they probably wanted it to be a complete “twist” that absolutely no one saw coming. I think I actually would have preferred Bran to be the NK but alright …

Am I wrong or were there less than 10 sentences spoken in 82 minutes?

I am not going to lie; I really wanted Jon to slay Wightserion. I love this man with all my heart but they have been butchering his character and POV to protect their Pol!Jon plot twist and I get it and I believe in Jon but having him slay a Zombie!Dragon would have been a great metaphor for him getting his old self back and literally slaying his dragons, you know? The more I think about this, the more I’m pissed that they didn’t …

I’m so confused that they killed of both of the Mormonts. The only good thing I saw in having Lyanna killed was that at least that would mean that Jorah would live … which is probably exactly why they did it. BIG DISLIKE.

I was relieved to see D*ny cry about Jorah’s death, he loved her so much it’s killing me inside. (How do people see the way Jorah loved her so fiercely and then see Jon with her as a contrast and are like … Yeah Jon and D, man, that’s love … TF?) Anyways, Jorah did her wrong, he did her good but he certainly deserved to be cried over by D*ny. I hate losing Jorah, I loved that devoted fool but I’m also low-key relived that at least this way, Jorah doesn’t have to pick between the North and D*ny. Also good, I loved Jorah and D fighting side by side – one last ride, I guess, going down together ... that's my kind of tea but whatever.

Also interesting, Jorah stayed at her side till the very end, while Jon ditched her first chance he got.

On that note, I also want to say that one of the most interesting things that happened in this episode was that Sam x Jon scene. You know the one where he walks past Sam, although Sam could’ve obviously used some help. Of course, you could say, yeah he just wanted to go kill the NK (which he obviously did want to) but I do believe that Jon’s decision to keep moving has a lot more to do with Bran than the NK. When he ditched D*ny, he said he needs to get to Bran, not “I need to find the NK and kill him”. He was under a lot of stress but his mind immediately went to Bran his brother and not to the Night King his enemy. I do believe that means something. Obviously, the argument can be made that it means the same but I doubt it. The walking past Sam thing could have been easily omitted but they didn’t. Sam, Jon’s best friend and BROTHER of the Night’s Watch. To me, it means that the Starks still are the priority of his heart, siblings or not. Jon knows now that Bran isn’t really his brother, that he’s the 3ER and let’s be real, he hasn’t had a meaningful interaction with Bran in years. He doesn’t know him anymore. But he still chose Bran. He couldn’t spare those ten seconds to help his best friend because Bran needed him. He ditched his NW brother/best friend AND his aunt/lover for his cousin Bran. I don’t know about you guys but I really loved that. Because it means so much regarding him being part of the pack and shit.

I very happily noted that D&D really went out of their way to make sure that absolutely nothing of significance was accomplished by D*ny or her armies or her dragons. Drogon and Rhaegal didn’t even take down Viserion, Arya Stark did. Kinda.

What will Arya be called now by the smallfolk? Kingslayer? Dragonslayer? Nightslayer? Armyslayer? Sooo many possibilies ...

I'm in the serious need of a Jonsa scene. I've been patient but now I need Jon to gaze at Sansa from the side and being awkward around her and then I'll need him to reveal his parentage to her and Ayra.

Also, big F*ck You to all the “leakers” out there who made me worry all week about B*atbang!Baby and lines like D: “Ily but you need to keep the Targline alive. Do you understand?” J: “No, I get it, Auntie, but Ily and I only want you”. I mean that Exodus dude wrote a fucking essay based on nothing but lies – why do people even do that? Get a hobby, man!

Resume: I still have faith in Pol!Jon, Dark!D and Jonsa but I’m really confused about the route they’re currently taking. I’m assuming Dany will leave for Dragonstone in 8x04 and Jon will join her and we’ll have another Jonsa separation with only three episodes left, so that’d really suck. However, if I could wish for only a single thing next episode, then I want Jon back, I miss my man so much.

I realize this all must sound kinda anti but I’m just a bit upset and tired. I do love this show and I will keep watching till the bitter end, obviously. Also I respect all the work that went into creating this episode. It just wasn’t my kind of tea. Cheers xx

[sheusedtobesassier]

Day 10,321

Welp. A very very very very rough sequence of dreams surrounding Omar. Woke up and laid in bed a good little while to cry a little. Nine o’clock in the morning tears are so specific. Mm.

It’s been like five hours since I woke up so a lot of the dreams have faded. Uh mostly it was like, a look at what he’s potentially been up to since he left. Which. It wasn’t real, lol. All figments of my imagination. But. The dream was him hooking up with lots of other women. Carefree physical relationships. And getting a long letter from him that like, I guess it was sort of apologetic but mostly expressing that being with me had been the hardest year of his life and like, he wished for a take back. Like it read like a “oops my bad.” As if it had all been one big mistake, the being together not the leaving. A regret. Time wasted. And like, I was half awake in the dream so I was literally struggling to read the message (it kept changing, it had no permanence) and I was thinking “This isn’t even real. Why are you trying to read this? Don’t torture yourself.” I was most of the time aware the whole thing was a dream and that I could come out of it but I wouldn’t. Mm there was another portion where I was falling asleep in a bed with some friends of ours. The man next to me realized I was dozing off so he quietly got up and left, but then suddenly it was just Omar and I. It suddenly started getting sexy physical and I was into it, but was very confused because nothing had been said. Then I had this certain feeling of like, “Wait. He’s with someone else now and things must be bad. That’s why he’s turning to me right now.” (Which. That’s some Brandon bullshit just mixed in. But whatever.) Then I was in a quaint little apartment with two super duper hip white girls. I knew one was his girlfriend but I didn’t really encounter her. Just knew she existed here too? The friend kept talking to me. Telling me the falling in love story between this new girl and Omar. Showing me printed photos from trips they’d all gone on together. Ocean shore and pink sunset? She was making it sound like it was so easy, so good for him. Telling me about it as if they were all strangers to me. I was a guest. I was somebody he didn’t know well and didn’t desire to know me. So.

A lot of it was just, like, my wounds/insecurities/fears all mashed up into a subconscious clusterfuck. So. I could dig that all up out of it and I honestly want to but. It’s probably not good for me? Just. Damn fuck I just started crying again. I think today will just turn out to be a hard day I guess. I’ve had like a month of good days! Maybe even two whole months! It’s been a very good stretch! I mean it! I swear. So. One hard day. I can get through a hard day. I know I can.

Fuck. That cry was really unexpected. Writing this up sitting next to Ally. They had a couple over last night for dinner, friends about to move away to Germany. And. I ran away. Ate some dinner and drank one beer. Then spent the rest of the evening hiding in my bedroom. Ally txted me at one point sweetly inviting me down and I refused. So she brought it up just now, how her friend was bummed I ditched. And I. So I began to explain how ever since the break up I’m like Extremely Jealous when I’m in a context that’s just couples, but I didn’t get even one sentence out because I was immediately choked the fuck up??? Jealous is kind of the wrong word. It’s more like. Um. Maybe this is fucked up? I feel like a burn victim who won’t ever be the kind of physically beautiful I used to be. And that everybody else can tell, but isn’t gonna say anything about it. Or even if they do bring it up I’m not going to have the right words for it. Besides they’ve never been on fire like I have and I wouldn’t like it if they pretended they understood. And then also there’s like, this pain around couples that are together and are a bad match lol, but have making concessions and putting in the necessary effort to stay together. That hurts me so much? Because like. Idk. Yeah. I could write why but it’s too raw I think because I’m already crying again. I’ve gotta knock that off. Breathe in, breathe out. Clearly whatever this is does not want to be communicated.

I think of him a dozen times a day. That’s a low estimate. Anything happens and it reminds me of something I know about him and I consider saying it out loud But I Never Do Anymore. I fight it every damn time now. Nobody wants to listen to me go on about my ex. I don’t want to hear it come out of my mouth. So I swallow it. Choke on it. I tell me to shut the fuck up.

He just. He actually wants nothing to do with me. Or like, even if he does IT DOESN’T MATTER because he chooses to have nothing to do with me. He makes that decision every day. Or like, even tougher to accept, the choice never even comes up for him. I am out of sight out of mind. I am regrettable. I am stories he has no interest in telling anybody. Something he has smoothed over. Very fine with the past being the past. Uninterested in anything more.

I just. Look, I don’t believe I’m unlovable. I don’t believe it. I know that I have such good ones in my life who love me and enjoy me. I’m sure of it. I don’t need to be convinced, okay? But. I do very much believe that I’ve become unlovable to Omar. I’m someone he has decided he is better off not loving or enjoying. And like. I earned that. Somehow. Our collective experience not only qualified for a break up, but also for a complete erasure from his present. “The removal of all traces.” I’ll just keep writing it because it’s what I remind myself in my head over and over and over, HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. Access denied. He’s shut me out and seemingly lost all interest. And my only way of understanding why is by deciding on a narrative by myself and committing to it. He has no input. Nothing to add. No desire to offer up an explanation. No urge to defend himself. HE’S MOVING THE FUCK ON. ALREADY MOVED. Lol. Whatever variety of special I was to him, I am no longer that. And I might not like it, but that doesn’t change a goddamn thing.

I just. I’m gonna make the effort to not feel stupid for writing this on a Thursday afternoon. Especially because I’ve had so many healthy and happy weeks in a row. Because I haven’t been moping and succumbing. I’ve been present. I’ve been reading. I’ve been learning. I’ve been sleeping a reasonable amount. I’ve been drinking less and not alone. I’ve been going on long exploratory walks almost every damn day. I’m taking it easy. Slow and sweet times. I’m doing well. So I can write this after some particularly upsetting dreams. I can cry a few times about what didn’t actually happen and also (to be fucking fair) about what actually is still happening. I can put it down and not feel like I’m some wreck. I’m not an obsessed fool. I was in love and it hasn’t been easy figuring out how to not be that. And like. That’s not humiliating. It fucking feels like it is for sure, lol. But. I think I’d rather be the way I am than the way he is. I’d rather be fucked up than unfazed. Let it leave marks on me.

Oh and I wanted to mention that Heavenly by Victoria’s Secret is what we smelled like. It’s what it smelled like after we’d been all over each other. What being tangled up smelled like. Dirty and panting. Laughing and high fiving if it’d been particularly good. Tracing naked lines. It smelled a lot like that.

Amber asked a while ago if I feel like the physical aspect of our relationship makes it harder to move on than it would be otherwise. Which? What? But also. I get it I guess. I told her it’s not like I had any other break up to compare it to, lol. But. When I miss the touching each other it’s just like, a totally different thing than everything else ever I guess. Like sometimes I literally involuntarily grunt at a sudden erotic memory. Audible remembering, lol. And there is like, look it isn’t shame. But there’s like an awkwardness that I’ve done such incredible things with a person that now wants nothing to do with me. That the only person who has ever had his way with me now like. Now we have no connection. Now is just the knowing what happened and moving through the world completely separately. Politely not mentioning it? Idk. I’m not explaining it well. I don’t miss what he’d do to me, but I do miss the delicious knowing he wanted to do it to me. I don’t miss doing what I did to him, but I do miss having a hold on him. To remember it is like um. It’s like it’s two other people I don’t know. It isn’t us. Or like maybe that’s it. It’s US, and US no longer exists. So remembering when I’m remembering it as just me, me without any him? That’s like. It’s hollow. There is nothing to it. It’s like it doesn’t even belong to me, not to whoever I am now. Am I making any sense?

Look. I just. I know I’d take a weekend in his bed in a heartbeat and I just really fucking hope that at some point that won’t be true of me. I either want it or I want out of it. I want him and HE DOESN’T WANT ME. So I need one of us to switch. Soon.

[theragamuffininitiative]

Christian Films and Misc Rambling Thoughts on the Subject that Might or Might Not be Actually Connected

@cogentranting​ At some point, years from now, when all else is turned to dust and the sun has set for the last time, a post for this reply, stating I will reply in a longer fashion later (which would actually be now) shall appear. I will likely delete it out of pure spite. Stupid mobile app uploads.

I haven’t seen God’s Not Dead. Or God’s Not Dead 2. I should. Not because I just want to, or because It Is The Inspired Word Of Our Lord™ (hahahah it’s not guys, ok), but because of my overall interest an involvement in the world of film. I should be informed.

Also, I appreciate the sarcasm. XD I hope that was sarcasm or now I look really stupid but you’re going to get an earful either way, so it works out.

So let’s get to it:

I hate the Christian Film Industry™

Whew. There. I said it. Pray for my salvation.

Why? So, soooo many reasons.

1. The Sacrifice of Art in the Name of ‘Message.’

I, for one, want to know why the Christian church is constantly smashing down on the creative outputs of their members for not being enough about God, or published by Thomas Nelson, or advocated by Willie Roberts. Why. We would rather squelch the heartfelt, beautiful, God-given art produced by our brothers and sisters for not showing a clear Conversion Experience rather than be amazed at the ability God has allowed us to have to make such fantastic, whimsical, thought-provoking, emotionally-resonant things.

This is point number one because it. is. my. biggest. issue.

“Message films are rarely exciting. So by their very nature, most Christian films aren’t going to be very good because they have to fall within certain message-based parameters. And because the Christian audience is so glad to get a “safe, redeeming, faith-based message,” even at the expense of great art, they don’t demand higher artistic standards.” ~ Dallas Jenkins, movie reviewer and director of The Resurrection of Gavin Stone??? (Imma have to check back with you later on this, but the quote still stands on its own.)

“We have the makings of a movement that can change this culture. I honestly believe this. But I also believe the first step toward establishing the groundwork for a vibrant, relevant cultural movement based on scriptural thought is to stop producing “Christian films” or “Christian music” or “Christian art” and simply have Christ-followers who create great Art.” ~ Scott Nehring, in his book You Are What You See: Watching Movies Through a Christian Lens.

“If we are trying to evangelize, the fact that most Christian-themed movies are torn to shreds by non-Christian critics becomes an issue. If, however, we just really want to see our fantasies validated on screen, then we will write-off these poor reviews as “persecution.”” ~ Andrew Barber, in his article “The Problem with Christian Films.”

On a similar note, I want to know what the Mormon church is doing that the Christian church is not. Every time I turn around, I discover that another of my favorite artists, whether it be in film or elsewhere, is a professing Mormon:

musicians Imagine Dragons, the Killers, and Lindsey Stirling

authors Brandon Sanderson, Shannon Hale, Heather Dixon, and Brandon Mull

animator Don Bluth

actress Amy Adams and actor Will Swenson (both formerly)

etc, the list goes on

Hi, my Mormon friends. What is your secret. What ways of encouraging art and artists do you employ that my Baptist upbringing, and the Conservative Christian community in general, is so sorely lacking in?

2. The Christian Culture’s Subsequent Villainization of Hollywood.

This past Christmas, my sister gifted me a book titled Behind the Screen, “Hollywood Insiders on Faith, Film, and Culture.”

I sat down after all the gift-giving was done and read the first three sections before the holiday meal was served. But let me quote from the introduction which had me “Amen!”-ing and punching my fist to the sky every third word:

“We obsess about “the culture” endlessly; we analyze and criticize. But we can’t figure out anything to do but point an accusatory finger at Hollywood... Blaming Hollywood for our cultural woes has become a habit... Casting Hollywood as the enemy has only pushed Hollywood farther away. And the farther Hollywood is from us, the less influence we have on our culture. We’ve left the business of defining human experience via the mass media to people with a secular worldview.... In pushing away secular Hollywood, haven’t we turned our backs on the very people Christ called us to minister to - the searching and the desperate, those without the gospel’s saving grace and truth?”

Btw, if this subject is something you are interested in, I highly recommend this book. Written by creatives and executives in the film world (including one of the writers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the producer of Home Improvement, and even the multi-credited Ralph Winters, among others), it’s a frank, beautiful, and challenging read for artists, Christians, and film buffs.

The point here is that the church culture says if it doesn’t come from Sherwood, or have Kirk Cameron or Ducky Dynasty in it, or have a conversion sequence, it isn’t Christian and therefore Christians should not view or encourage it in any way. This. Is. Crap. Pardon my French.

Beauty can come from imperfection.  Even unregenerate hearts still bear the image of the Divine and are capable of producing so much worthwhile and significant art. Which leads to...

3. Guess What? Secular Film Companies Make Quality Faith Films Too??!

Idk what I should even say here, but I’m just going to go with the one shining example I always think of: Dreamworks’ Prince of Egypt. It is purely a work of art from any standard, and that is the epitome of what Christians should be looking for in their endeavors to create good film. PoE is gorgeously animated, seamlessly directed, well-scripted, morally driven, more Biblically and historically accurate than you would believe (and where it falls down on direct representation, it remains true to theme and character), etc. etc. etc.

I could go on for ages about how much I adore this film. (Joseph, King of Dreams, is also noteworthy, but nearly up to par with the craftsmanship of its predecessor.

I mean

just look at

the art

4. I Do Like Some Films Made By ‘Christian’ Companies

Idk, I might step on people’s toes or surprise you by which of these I actually approve of, but here we go:

I like Fireproof. I have many issues with it, but overall it is a fairly well-made, Hallmark-style emotional flick. The acting leaves much to be desired, but it’s a decent bit of showmanship, story, and truth.

I do not like Facing the Giants. Give me Blind Side any day of the week, except don’t because... sports.

However, both Courageous (some actual real life dialogue and not a completely happily ever after, whaaaat???! Oh, but token conversion experience, of course), and the early-and-forgotten Flywheel (which, although low in camera quality and acting, is actually an enjoyable story), come in as films I would sit down and watch at least a second time.

Risen is well-made and acted and has some establishment of genuine Craft. However, as far as story plots go, a lot was sacrificed. The mountain-top encounter with Christ was, while perhaps the most generally cliche piece of story, to me the most heartfelt and provocative. After that...the film kind of ended in mediocrity. Like...what did the characters do after the credits rolled.

I actually really enjoy Mom’s Night Out. The manic theme almost kills me, but the quiet and the reveal at the end is worth sitting through to see.

And I appreciate Luther. I don’t watch it often, because I personally can’t stomach the more violent aspects (the reason I haven’t/don’t watch The Passion or End of the Spear.) But Luther is a great biographical film, and I would encourage anyone studying Catholic and/or Protestant history, especially Martin Luther, to watch it. This is a Film in both art, message, and class.

Tbh, I’ve been avoiding most of the other Christian films, which is why I won’t talk about them there.

5. You Don’t Have To Slap A Jesus Fish Bumper Sticker On It To Be Christ-Honoring

Walden Media is a prime example, I believe, of what Christians in the film industry should be doing. I mean, they’re not perfect at all, but they are not sacrificing art for message - or vice versa for that matter. While not strictly a Christian Film group, Walden is founded and run by a majority of Christian Conservatives who are actively seeking to make quality and wholesome films for people of all diversities. They’ve had a few flops and several more that just didn’t quite live up to their potential, but they also brought us

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, as well as

Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, and the one I will never stop talking about:

Amazing Grace.

Well-crafted films, put out by *gasp* an assortment of believers and non-believers. Art. Good films. Not Messages dressed up in makeup with a classy Instagram filter and a 30-day challange booklet to get your revival outfit on.

In looking through this stuff, I just found this article, which is a superb read and really gets at the heart of what I feel, and am very badly trying to communicate:

Why Faith-Based Films Hurt Religion

So.

When Christian Films start being an actual representation of creative community and the artistic talents God has given to us as personal and spiritual gifts, rather than a cheap way to try to force morality on Hollywood and on our neighbors without ever leaving the confines of our Bible Boxes in case we might get soiled, I may start appreciating the Christian Film Industry™. Until then??? I’ll stand behind my fellow creatives and my fellow believers and hope and work for the best.

Lastly, two things:

Christians Can Enjoy Secular Film Productions.

I would even argue that they should. We were created by a Creator God, who takes pride and joy in making beautiful things, in making each of us. And we are made in His image. We are creators as well, we make art all the time. Scripture tells us to worship God in everything we do. The movement of making “Christian Films for Christian Audiences because of Christian Reasons” is missing the point entirely. We as creatives are not here to make God Art, we are here to make art that glorifies God

Christ Does Not Need Hollywood. However, Hollywood Does Need Christ.

“While many missionaries travel to remote villages in Africa or South America to spread Christianity, [Karen] Covell believes her calling—her mission field, if you will—is right here in Los Angeles, in an industry that many of her fellow Christians find immoral or even downright sinful, both for its on-screen depictions of sex and drugs and the real-life sex, drugs, and other temptations that exist behind the scenes. Covell, who was a film producer in the early 1980s, says "the church did not get how I could justify being a Christian in Hollywood, and Hollywood did not get how I would follow God. It was a divide." It was nearly impossible to meet other Christians working in the industry, let alone ones who would express their faith openly. "I said, 'The church hates Hollywood, Hollywood hates the church. There's got to be some way to bridge that divide.'" - in an article by Jennifer Swan.

As I said in my original little “about me” tag response, I have felt called to ministry in this world. Whether it be film or live theater, that world is calling to me, both in its creative endeavors, and in its desperate need for the hope, truth, life, and light of Christ. Actors and directors in Hollywood and on Broadway are in as much need of the grace of our Lord as the starving orphans in the unreached people groups on the other side of the planet - same as your next door neighbor.

If Christians continue to tie themselves down, and group themselves together, cutting themselves off from the culture and the culture off from them, then we are doing absolutely no heavenly or earthly good to anyone.

So, you see, it’s not just the artistry (or, so often, lack thereof) in the Christian Film Industry™ that gets to me.

It’s the fact that the film media culture is a people group that the church as a whole is ignoring. We are ignoring the impact Hollywood has on the world around us and still trying to be relevant to that world, which is counter-productive and just plain silly.

It’s the fact that I see actors, actresses, producers, writers, who are obviously searching for the Something that will fill the void in their souls, and their primary exposure to Christianity and Christ - the only One who can satisfy them - is the Christian Film Industry™, which is largely full of broad and meaningless substance because heaven help us we should talk about something real, and then just plain bad art.

I believe God has called us to higher things than this.

Higher art, loving to create as he lovingly created us.

High impact, going deeper into the issues of our culture and our nature to address and satisfy problems and needs felt be every human, not just the church-goers who will show up for Sherwood’s next big thing.

So, yes, my pet peeve cracked from its proverbial nutshell:

I have issues with the Christian Film Industry

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Swan Song

Masterpost

4x09: Swan Song

Only Glee would write an episode in the middle of one of its middle seasons an episode called Swan Song.  Oh Glee...

For those of you who may not know, the definition I found of Swan Song is this: a person's final public performance or professional activity before retirement. (Though I’ve always thought before death as a connotation, too)  And supposedly, Kurt has his ‘Swan Song’ in this one only to find that it’s not one at all -- but the beginning of a new chapter of his life. 

Exposition

The image coupled with Chris’s name is making me giggle. 

Anyway -- Kurt’s moving away from all black! Yay! And, ngl, Shallow me is back to say that I love this outfit on Kurt.  Also - I think the disheveled-ness is because it’s supposed to be post-Thanksgiving clean up time.  Is it the next day? Idk - I doubt it’s the same night. 

Anyway - Kurt just gets off the phone with Blaine to tell Rachel that McKinley was eliminated from Sectionals.  

Kurt: I just feel bad for Blaine.  If he was still with the Warblers he’d be on his way to Regionals right now. 

Normally, I don’t nitpick individual lines, but this one has always rubbed me the wrong way.  While I get what they’re going for - delivering exposition while Kurt shows some concern for Blaine’s well being - it comes off as a little too flippant and superficial - and slightly undermines the emotional weight of their phone call in the previous episode. 

However, this does mean that Kurt and Blaine are back on speaking terms - which is more the point than one questionable line of dialogue.  

Moving on, Kurt mentions that ND’s loss at sectionals (or his Vogue internship and reconnecting with Blaine, because the original reason is stupid) has woken him up to taking changes on opportunities that he gets. And that he’s putting everything on the line for his NYADA audition.  And while Rachel says you can always reply again, Kurt says he’s done chasing that idea if it doesn’t work out. 

 And I do like what Kurt has to say here.  That he’s wise enough to know that if this doesn’t work out, that maybe it’s not meant to be and he should move on to other things.  This is a much healthier attitude than Rachel’s - I’ll stalk you until you let me in - attitude.  Now, why wasn’t he applying for other schools in the mean time? Idk... But, I’m glad Kurt doesn’t see NYADA as the be all and end all of moving his career forward. 

Let’s take a second and appreciate the fact that Kurt is on the NYADA chat boards, researching everything he can so he can better his chance of getting in.  I mean, Kurt does the work. Go Kurt! 

Meanwhile, I’m epically rolling my eyes at this little sequence to show how amazing it is if Carmen Tibideaux invites you to her exclusive Winter Showcase performance. I thought we were trying to move away from Season 3 Rachel-issues, Glee.  The proudest moment of these people’s successful lives is when Carmen hands them an envelope? I adore the hell outta Whoopie Goldberg, but c’mon show.... Whatever, I should stop before I go on another massive Rachel-rant.

Carmen Tibideaux is the Worst

Kurt comes in to talk to Carmen Tibideaux about his application and possible audition.  I’m not so sure what he was planning to hear from this meeting but it definitely wasn’t this...  

Look - I’ll be frank with this.  Carmen doesn’t make any sense to me.  She lets in to NYADA Adam, Brody, those sycophants, and Rachel after she stalks her, who are all, imo, surface level people, but doesn’t let in Elliott, Jesse St. James, or Kurt, and axes Blaine without thought (along with that other girl at in Rachel’s class).  Hires Cassie July as a teacher.  And again will give Rachel a third chance after she claims here she barely gives first chances.  I really wish Goldberg was given a better character, because I want to like her, I do.  But the inconsistant writing stops me from doing that. 

But also - what she tells Kurt here is frustrating.  Really frustrating.  

So - Carmen breaks it down that Kurt is talented, but his Not the Boy Next Door performance seemed to lack vulnerability and soul.  Which - I call bullshit on, because I’m not so sure how much more vulnerable Kurt could have gotten wearing those gold lame pants.  But, more so, we, as an audience, know that that was Kurt putting it all on the line.  That was Kurt showing off who he was and everything that encompasses that.  

Now - the issue here I see as two things.  One - Carmen (wrongly) equates lack of props and glitter and showiness as automatic soulful.  There’s more than one way to show what’s inside you.  Plus, stripped down to just the music does not always mean more emotional . For the love of everything - Rachel sings an emoting balad every other episode, and I can count on one hand the number of times there’s emotional depth to it.  Two - the auditions themselves are flawed.  You want to have a good audition going into a performing arts school? Here’s my advice - have a two or three numbers ready for you, each showing off how you are a multifaceted performer with the ability to do many things, even if there is one thing that’s your strength. 

Glee’s commentary that only one kind of art is worth anything pisses me off -- but that’s after years of academia behind me, and the elitist ‘high art’ concept often found in academia annoys the hell out of me.  But that’s a story for another day. 

The thing I often wonder - was Carmen always planning on putting Kurt on the spot -- or did she come with that in the moment.  Based on her conversation here, I really don’t know.  

And Kurt leaves the auditorium feeling broken and defeated.  Poor kiddo just can’t catch a break it seems.  But - I will argue that all the struggle Kurt has to go through makes him a far more interesting character than Rachel, who is always handed the glittery envelope.  

Winter Showcase

I’m not gonna go too much into Rachel’s story -- because the more I watch, the more I want to throw things at it.  I’m also rolling my eyes at how the Winter Showcase is a competition -- because you can’t really compare a ballet performance with a vocal performance with a -- whatever else they have going.  Evaluating art doesn’t work that way.  Gah.  Whatever. 

Kurt’s line about appreciating this part in the rom-com but let’s get a move on is pretty cute though. 

Kurt watching Rachel during her performances.  I don’t begrudge this section - Rachel actually hasn’t had a solo since episode 2 (gasp) and these songs play to Lea Michele’s strengths.  I am rolling my eyes at Rachel winning this whole thing though.  (Man, I’m rolling my eyes a lot at this episode.  Who wrote it...Tina?) 

There’s a point during Rachel’s performance that Carmen looks over to Kurt.  So, maybe it was a spur of the moment decision to ask Kurt to sing -- or maybe grasping the opportunity to see what this kid can really do when put under pressure. 

Whatever the case -- Kurt’s in shock when she calls him up to sing. 

Kurt is - of course - freaking out in the lobby area.  He feels as though he can’t go on without his props, his scaffolding, his gold lame pants.  But Rachel has a very good point (yay! when Hummelberry gets to be evened out a little) -- he’s at his best when the songs come from within himself.  Now, lucky for us, 99.9% of all Kurt songs are emotionally valuable to the story being told.  Rachel brings up I Want to Hold Your Hand, but I could make a case for just about any of them done on the show.  It’s bizarre, really, to claim that Kurt’s solos are a superficiality, but clearly the Glee world sees more (?) or something that we do not. 

Anyway - Being Alive is a song he picks, and Rachel (like the rest of us) jump on that choice.  Who cares if it’s something Carmen claimed she hated -- giving it real depth and meaning is something that’s going to impress her.  

Kurt mentions the fact that I Want to Hold Your Hand was so special was because he was going through a difficult time, it was his way of focusing in on his dad and dealing with that when he was sick.  Kurt’s not sure what to focus in this time - but Rachel says -- yourself.  And this song, man.  It’s the culmination and release of everything that has happened in Kurt’s story, more specifically the season 4 arc, but I could argue a case for the entire series so far. 

Which is why I find this song so special....

Kurt: Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of NYADA student. 

This is one of my favorite Kurt solos ever.  Chris just nails it.  It’s a male song, which allows Kurt to be in his lower register -- which he’s fairly comfortable in.  It’s funny, at the time, I had wished that it had had just a little more edge to it.  But listening to it now, in the wake of doing all this season 4 meta, I’ve gotten chills going back to it.  Maybe the context just makes the song for me.  But regardless -- still one of my favorites.  

(Also - oh how nervous Kurt is.  I’m always fascinated the way Kurt plays with his hands when he gets super nervous.) 

For those of you who may not know, Being Alive is from the musical Company -- and about a guy who decides that his bachelor life of never going out and doing anything isn’t doing it for him anymore.  That he’s ready to take risks and get hurt in the process because at the end of the day, what is life if you’re not pushing yourself to, well, be alive.  And it kind of works fantastically for Kurt’s story here. 

Some might say that since the Break Up, Kurt has been a shell of himself.  I might argue that since Goodbye -- and having his original dreams of going to New York and NYADA and starting a career have been dashed, Kurt has been inward and wandering and without focus.  The Break Up just exemplified that even further -- and he’s been hiding in his own little bubble, easily letting Rachel guide his life, existing as he works through some dark times in his life.  And this song, and this moment is about him breaking out of his own self-imposed shell and going out there and, well, being alive again.  

He says he didn’t know what the song was about until just then - but that’s because he now has been through some of the tougher things in life and come out on the other side.  And knows that even though life really sucks at times, it’s caused him to be a stronger person.  

This song is also about Blaine -- in the way that Blaine sung My Dark Side about Kurt.  It’s not just about the other person, but there’s a lot of them in there.  I sometimes think of this as being a response to that song - in addition to everything else. 

But before I talk about Blaine.... 

Somebody, hold me too close Somebody, hurt me too deep Somebody, sit in my chair And ruin my sleep And make me aware Of being alive Being alive

Somebody, need me too much Somebody, know me too well Somebody, pull me up short And put me through hell And give me support For being alive Make me alive

Somebody, crowd me with love Somebody, force me to care Somebody, let me come through I'll always be there As frightened as you To help us survive Being alive

I wanted to put (some of) the lyrics here because they’re really quite fantastic.  And really speak well to Kurt -- almost asking someone to come and help him feel real things, help him live a life worth living whether that’s bad or good it’s better than not doing anything at all.  

And -- I saw this fantastic fan video once (I wish I could find it, alas I cannot) where it illustrates that those people are not just Blaine -- but his dad, Rachel, Karofsky, the other glee club kids, a lot of people are in Kurt’s life who pull him out and make him feel things and make life real. 

But of course -- Blaine’s all up in the subtext of this song -- especially post Break Up.  No one can really quite make Kurt come alive like Blaine.  No one can really quite break Kurt like Blaine.  

Kurt spent most of his life, especially after his mom died, shielded up and protective of himself.  And Blaine came along - and experienced the most vulnerable things with Kurt.  And then broke his heart.  And of course Kurt retreated.  But this song is about moving forward again after that.  And not shutting himself off to living life.  

And hence, the second half of season 4 -- as limited a POV as we get -- is about doing just that.  

The thing about this performance -- Kurt’s open and emotional and vulnerable, but it’s not the first time.  I think of some of Kurt’s past solos -- A House is Not a Home, Rose’s Turn, I Want to Hold Your Hand, As If We Never Said Goodbye, and I Have Nothing -- and this thing they all have in common, despite all being vastly about different things -- is that they let other people see what he usually guards very close to his heart.  And thus why this performance, to me, is so powerful. 

And Kurt -- at the end is fascinating.  He kind of draws back into himself, because the response, positive as it is, is somewhat shocking.  Kurt when he sings goes to another place, and now that he’s back in reality, it’s slightly overwhelming -- especially for an introvert who just exposed a piece of his soul for everyone to see.  

Don’t Dream It’s Over

The last song of the episode, the group singing about continuing on even if it feels hopeless -- well, that makes a lot of sense in connection to Kurt’s story as well.  Because Kurt gets his NYADA acceptance letter (finally) and the whole episode is a lot about not giving up on yourself or your dreams, even when everything seems to be over.  You never know...  

[nataliecrown]

4x02 Recap - Heavy Lies the Crown (The 100)

This was a quality episode. It’s not gonna jump on to my all time faves list, possibly because pretty much everything was spoiled beforehand (can’t wait to be past the screener eps, honestly), but it was some high calibre shit.

Warning: I am in a foul and irritable mood. If this recap is saltier than usual, I apologise. Unless you like salt, in which case - I did it especially for you!

Onwards...

- NOTE: They fixed Zach’s name in the credits. My question is, how the hell was that mistake ever allowed to happen. My god.

Anyway...

Radioactive, Radioactive

- The butterflies are back! I am HERE for throwing back to the S1 radioactive imagery. Could it be that we will see random dude from S2 again at some point? A GIRL CAN DREAM.

- So this whole opening sequence was seriously rad. We got to see ALIE again. Who knew that would excite me so much (Erica’s performance is just so damn good), we got to hear Tree Adam’s awesome soundtrack again, and we got a pretty brilliant introduction to Ilian. I gave exactly zero shits about RILEY later on in the episode, but I am instantly a fan of this dude.

- I also think it’s worth pointing out that his trauma must be EXTREME. He murdered his family. Yes, he wasn’t in control. But he can remember every damn moment. I doubt he will remain an antagonist forever, but I can’t say I blame him for being seriously fucked up and needing to expel that fucked up ness through violence and rage.

LET’S TALK KABBY

- THIS WHOLE SCENE WAS WONDERFUL.

- It’s legit pretty rad that an older couple get to have proper on screen sexy times on a ‘teen’ show. Kudos! It’s hawt.

- Paige Turco’s legs. Damn.

- ‘You are a terrible influence’ has me asking SO MANY QUESTIONS. I WANT TO SEE MISCHIEVOUS KANE PLEASE. THE KANE THAT OPERATES WHEN HIS CHILDREN AREN’T AROUND TO SEE HIM ACTING ANYTHING LESS THAN WISE.

- ALSO when Abby said Roan was expecting her...was I the only one whose mind swept off into an AU where Abby is like...the king’s wife, but she’s getting it on with one of his most trusted Ambassadors and it’s a tale of star crossed lovers and... @kane-and-griffin SURELY YOU WENT THERE?

- Kane’s smile while she has her back to him is just lovely.

- AND THEN the whole interaction with the necklace is just wonderful. Abby will never stop loving Jake, she will never stop missing him. But she is allowed to move on. Knowing that won’t stop her feeling guilty though, at least for a little while. Her hesitation is true to real life, and Kane’s gentle understanding is absolutely exquisite. He is not at all fazed by the spectre of her dead husband, to the point that he does not hesitate to help her put the necklace back on. And Abby does not express her gratitude with words, but with a kiss - her own gentle reminder to him that despite that guilt that is impossibly to not feel, she knows that she wants him. That she wants this.

The T Kru

- So we check in with the new peeps. We have the leader who is alllll about taking out King Roan. I think it’s important to note Ilian pointing out that he only wants revenge against Skaikru, and not the king. 

- HEY LURKING LURKER WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

- Just kidding, it is clearly Octavia and I am about to be controversial...are you ready?

- Yes, Octavia looks like a badass, and angel of death, a vixen ready to get a mixen. HOWEVER...isn’t the point of an assassin meant to be that they are inconspicuous? If she wants to fade into the background and eavesdrop on conversations...if she wants her identity to remain secret for more than two minutes...shouldn’t she dress like everybody else? The cape is stunning but also....VERY UNIQUE COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE WE HAVE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW.

- ANYWAY nobody notices her REALLY UNIQUE CAPE and Octavia learns vital information. The T Kru are going to challenge Roan to combat. Which, normally might be sweet, but Roan was shot - remember?

- God, I hate that crown. FREE ZACH’S BROW 2K17.

- ‘Now that the lift has been repaired’ AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA *wheezes* Okay, show.

- I just want to point out that Octavia is still wearing Niylah’s clothes. JUST POINTING IT OUT LEAVE ME ALONE.

- Octavia has continuous smug face going on this season and I love it. Echo, perhaps, is not such a fan.

- ‘You’ll lose. Lexa kicked your ass...’ ROAN’S FACE AHAHAHA. And Kane’s reaction is priceless too. I am living for a season of Octavia just straight talking 24/7.

- Roan, Octavia and Kane are a squad I can get behind. Kane is going to try for diplomacy...we’ll see how that goes...

ADVENTURE SQUAD ASSEMBLE

- Clarke’s look is fucking great, I love it so much. It is hints of S1 whilst also being fresh. I am a staunch defender of most of season 3. I think the overarching...arcs... were necessary and well placed. But lawwwwd it is nice to see Clarke back at home, and looking like Clarke again.

- This scene really nicely sets up the differing stances of Bravelarke. Nobody is right, nobody is wrong. The back and forth is really nicely done. It’s all very head, heart, and hands I must say.

- ‘A choice your dad died for’ RAVEN REYES, SLYTHERIN.

- Clarke’s expression and voice get super fierce here. It makes me so sad for her considering the end of the episode. So Raven is Jake, Clarke is Jaha, and Bellamy is Abby? I’m for it.

- The real MVP of this scene is Monty, and I love how he isn’t actively part of the conversation that the ‘leaders’ are having, but his mind is constantly working. While the others are going around in circles, Monty thinks up a solution.

- ‘We’re standing in our viable solution.’ The way they all look around at the Ark which was both salvation and prison for them, all hopeful and wide eyed...IDK my dudes, it gives me the heart feelings.

Checking in with the other delinquents...

- Something about Bellamy going to Miller and Bryan gives me feelings, mostly bc of the knowledge that Bellamy and Miller are BFFs. RIGHT.

- Bryan is recovering remarkably well. I somehow doubt you should ever base gunshot wound recovery times off of this show folks.

- Bryan gets more character in this episode than he has at any other point. Jonathan does a really fantastic job of portraying his trepidation, his anger, and his general level of irritation at Miller.

- I LOVE THE PIKE CONVERSATION. IT IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. It’s also super important that what Octavia did is referred to as murder here. Last episode we had Clarke assure Bellamy that Pike had it coming. I think that was said, for the most part, to make Bellamy feel better. But this show is nothing if not fair when it comes to showcasing all sides of things. Pike was, in most respects, a hero and saviour to Bryan. And he was elected Chancellor, fairly. It’s not a simple situation.

- ‘To save you, Nate.’ I’m not hardcore Briller or anything, but the delivery here was spot on. Annnnnd I actually think super important in establishing Bryan’s character some more. We all know Bryan will be heading out the door sooner or later, but I still appreciate how the shows likes to give any and all characters depth.

- The hug and no kiss thing is...weird. There can be no denying.

- JASPER’S WHOLE SHOWER SCENE. I FORGET HOW GOOD DEVON IS AT COMEDY.

- MONTY’S APPALLED FACE.

- HONESTLY THOUGH. When Jasper says ‘Monty’ all serious and turns off the shower, I CACKLE. And then ‘look at me’ I’M TRYING NOT TO. BLESS YOU LOVELY CHILDREN.

- As things stand, I am loving where the show has taken Jasper post 4x01. And I’m intrigued to see where it goes.

- MAYBE MONTY DID GRAB THE WEED. IDK HOW OR WHEN. BUT MAYBE.

- Obviously the best part of this scene is THE JONTY HIGH FIVE. HUZZAH.

- ‘Hey, you wanna hug?’ *giggles*

ADVENTURE SQUAD ASSEMBLE

- MONTY AND RAVEN’S INTERACTION IS SO WONDERFUL. THEY’RE ALL LIKE TEAM BRAIN, AND THEN MONTY POINTS OUT RAVEN’S BOOM FETISH, AND THEN THE I GOT THIS AND THE SHOULDER PAT AND THE JOKE.

- I LOVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH.

- Okay, so Bellarke. There is this super brief shot after Clarke hands over the whatever whing, where Bellamy looks away from her and she just STARES AT HIM YOU GUYS. HER FACE IS SO WARM AND FOND AND GLOWY. I’VE NOT SEEN ANYONE ELSE MENTION THIS MILLISECOND FRAME BUT IT’S EVERYTHING.

- I’m personally not of the opinion that Bob intentionally winked, I think it’s just a face thing. BUT THERE CAN BE NO DENYING THE CUTE. WHO KNEW THAT IF BELLARKE ACTUALLY GOT TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER THEY’D GO RIGHT BACK TO THE DORKY JOKES AND THE ADORING EYE SMILES.

- WHAT IS THAT SHOT OF MONTY AND HARPER WATCHING THEM.

- Bellamy is so...energised this season? I’m fully loving it. I’m sure his self loathing is absolute, but he’s channelling it in such a positive way since he got to unload at Pike in 3x16. Clarke doesn’t have that same energy though, and you can almost see more of her own seep away as she watches him leave. 

- Also, another cute Raven and Monty nod. I POINT OUT ALL THE DETAILS OKAY. MAKE YOU READ ALL THE WORDS.

- That was a quick trip.

- The Marper hand hold is cute.

- Things go to shit pretty fast! Bellamy is all about making sure everybody else chills out in this episode. Even when he gets smacked upside the head, he is DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE.

- BELLAMY SPEAKING TRIG YO.

- It’s not my place to talk about in depth, but the casting of extras and small bits parts on this show feels remarkably diverse compared to literally everything else I watch.

- We get a clear indication that the Ice Nation are not particularly fond of their King.

- Personally...I don’t reallyyyyy get why they back down? But whatever. I guess the leader does at least slightly fear the king?

PRINCESS MECHANIC RISE

- Okay, so Raven having to do her first mini boss speech and feeling all awkward and overwhelmed is the start of what will end up being another amazing arc. I FEEL IT IN MY BONES.

- SINCLAIRRRRR. But we do at least see now why he kind of needed to die. Kabby must, obviously, be protected at all costs. However, this show very much is about the 100 (+ Raven and Bellamy). Raven has to rise to the occasion in his absence.

- This conversation between Raven and Clarke is EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. It reminds me so much of S1 and ‘I’d pick you first.’ GAH. Just seeing them working together, and supporting each other means so much. Neither of them really know what they’re doing, but they’re doing it anyway. MORE. GIVE ME MORE.

- Fucking Jaha.

- Okay, FINE. Jaha having actual relevance to main characters is infinitely more interesting than Jaha out on his own doing his own wild things.

- I LOVE RAVEN BRINGING UP THE WRIST THING, AND CLARKE FINDING THE STRENGTH WITHIN TO POINT OUT THAT JAHA WAS ALSO CHIPPED. But Raven is having NONE of that. Remember that Jaha, at ALIEs behest, zoned in on Raven. She was the key. He went after her, after her injury, preyed on her pain. No wonder she is seething. Jaha’s zen owning of all his crimes is...vaguely interesting, I guess. 

- Sort the scrap you dumb dumb.

OH MY GOD, RILEY? RILEYYYY? IS THAT YOU?

- Even if preview articles and teasers hadn’t already given away what Bellamy’s choice would be, as soon as we saw that little girl we all know he was saving the slaves, right?

- The appearance of the slaves strikes me as entirely random and contrived though. Why would the Ice Nation have massacred so many of Farm Station if they had a legitimate use for them? Whatever.

- So, Riley! Definitely in to the idea of him and Bryan having a history together, and the two of them rowing off into some off screen happiness together later in the season. I’m sure, given time, Riley may grow on me. This show does a remarkable job of making me care about everyone. But at this point I feel nothing. I’m all in with Ilian, and intrigued by Kenza...Riley, not so much.

- Everything about Echo and Roan’s sparring is attractive. EVERYTHING.

- I’m sorry, but Abby is totally checking Roan out in all of her reaction shots. That, or she’s fantasising about Kane.

- ‘If you can’t help me, why the hell are you still here.’ That clearly influences Abby’s decision to leave later.

- So, I didn’t talk about Roan and Echo much earlier because I LOVE THIS SCENE HERE. I’m so intrigued by where the show is going with these two. It’s a huge deal that Roan trusts her with the radiation information. I suppose it might not be trust per se, perhaps more like necessity - but still! And I also think it means a lot that Echo seems truly dedicated to helping him. As was said in 4x01, she’s very loyal. It’s proving true so far.

- Echo at Arkadia. Now, that will be interesting.

Octavia, back at it again with the sass and the smirks.

- Kane makes a valiant attempt at diplomacy! He points out that while Arkadia might have helped spread the CoL, they also destroyed it and saved humanity. 

- When that doesn’t work, Octavia employs an intimidating lead with some shit talking. Solid tactics, O.

- NIYTAVIA FOR LIFE...but in the meantime, we’re calling it Butterfly Assassin?

- ‘Well that went well.’ Kane’s look up at her is just like, DON’T.

- CLARKE MY LOVE. I AM SO SAD FOR YOU. HEAVY LIES THE CROWN INDEED. IT’S TOO MANY PEOPLE. SO MANY ARE GONNA DIE. DAMN THIS SHOW.

- I kind of adore that Clarke’s reaction to hearing music is DA FUQ IS THIS? NO TO MUSIC. NO TO JOY.

- I really enjoy the scene with Clarke and Jasper. You can still feel his anger at Clarke, but...I don’t know...there’s something different about it. I almost feel like Jasper has put aside his anger, and is just...shooting from the hip, rather than from grief? Clarke’s face breaks my heart when he points out how similar it all sounds to them being sent to the ground though.

THE BIG DECISION

- Okay, so first of all...I love that we got to hear everybody’s perspective. This was democracy at work and it wasn’t a decision Bellamy made alone. So we can put that narrative to bed now.

- Minty lives

- I’m actually not going to go in depth on the choice that Bellamy ultimately makes, because I can see both sides and I don’t think either is right or wrong. We don’t have to justify anything here. Yes, perhaps somewhere down the line the squad will realise that the generator really was their only option and the reality of his choice will crash down on Bellamy. But imagine that he had decided to leave the slaves, and then in two weeks time they found a gigantic underground bunker that could fit 10,000 people. He’d feel pretty shit about letting the slaves suffer then, right? The characters don’t know what the future holds, and they don’t have the benefit of knowing they are part of a narrative which ensures that some of them will at least survive. 

- So, whatever basically. I’d have been cool with this going either way.

- Stoke that they saved Riley though, obviously.

- Important quote to note... ‘we have Raven.’ I, like Bellamy, believe that Raven Reyes can do anything - including make water out of nothing.

- Also worth noting how...incredibly risky their plan was? Like. Yikes.

- Harper kicking due in the face is my kink.

- MONTY IS SUPER GREAT IN THIS EPISODE. Everything about his reaction to meeting his dads murderer is just exquisitely well done. Leaving his death to the slaves is both powerful and also really quite dark.

Heavy Lies the Crown

- The Clarke/Jaha scene is so good and so hurtful to me. 

- Fucking Jaha.

- Clarke referencing her father and being locked up is really important, but...so is the parallel to Jaha’s choices. Ugh. Everything he says is actually so on point, and you can see realisation that Clarke is seeing herself in Jaha is disgusting to her but also unavoidable.

- Back to Kabby. We saw Kane have absolute faith in Abby last episode, so it’s nice to hear her being so sure that he will figure something out (YES, IT’S ALL VERY BELLARKE I KNOW).

- Kane quickly figures out that Abby is going back to Arcadia (judging from the promo, she’s going to be needed). I’m excited for this because more Abby and Clarke, but also maybe some Clarke and Raven please? We get some more gloriously supportive stuff from Kane...

- And then Kane notices that Abby isn’t wearing her necklace! Upon first viewing, I didn’t pick up on the fact that this scene feels a bit cut up. I can see it on second watch, and I can understand that’s frustrating. That being said, I don’t think the scene loses its meaning? To me, the removal of her necklace is Abby’s way of saying she’s ready to move on and it’s her way of saying it to Kane without putting it into words.

- Prayer circle that Abby gives the rings to Clarke.

- LOOK AT HOW MUCH THAT CAPE STANDS OUT OKAY.

- So, I’m skipping straight to the murder. I FUCKING LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT. I just...I’m so relieved that Octavia’s mudering is FOR her people, and not against. It makes so much sense.

- I can’t help giggling a little at Octavia being so ballsy about dueling these folk. THEY MIGHT ALL BE TONS BETTER THAN YOU, BABE. THEY’VE HAD YEARS TO PRACTICE. But whatever.

- Soooo the stabbing into the earhole to hide the wound and thus make it seem like he died of natural causes is BADASS.

- HEADCANON: Octavia did not learn this tactic on the ground. She learned it as a child when Bellamy was reading her some classic murderous fiction.

- ‘LONG LIVE THE KING.’ Nice.

- Kane is CONCERNED about his daughter’s MURDEROUS WAYS.

- Ilian has also figured it out.

- And Echo too seems suspicious. STICKING A PIN IN THAT FOR THE FUTURE.

Clarke, we have adopted more children

- So Briller are breaking up, and I can’t be mad at the show for it because Jonathan got a new gig and can’t commit (sound familiar, oooh I went there). I do hope that this time around they let him just disappear into the sunset. Learn from your mistakes show.

- Make sure he takes Riley with him.

- Again, kudos to Jonathan for this ep. He really brings it.

- RILEY RILEY RILEY YES WE KNOW THAT IS HIS NAME. STOP.

- Okay, so the scene where Riley and Clarke are revealed as old friends (I have zero romance fears here btw) is HILLARIOUS TO ME. It’s so blatantly shoe horned in. AS IF they would be reunited, hug, and then just...blah. Like...it’s so noodley? 

- Anyway, Raven realises there is no generator and Bellamy fesses up to his maternal instincts.

- I actually love Clarke’s ‘you just did’. The delivery doesn’t imply blame to me, which is backed up by how immediately Clarke accepts his choice. It’s more a simple statement of fact, coming from a place of understanding.

- Raven, on the other hand, is pissed. ‘You’re not the only one who has to live with it. As usual.’ This is a direct throwback to Bellamy chucking the radio, right? That’s pertinent to their history. Look, Raven is a spitfire. She’s scared and under pressure, and she hasn’t had to make the leadership calls yet. She clearly will at some point this season, and we’ll see her gain a healthy dose of respect for Clarke and Bellamy when she does. For now, I think her anger is perfect.

- I know ‘no more than a 100′ is really on the nose but I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH. WHO’S GONNA MAKE IT YOU GUYS. AHHHH. MY SHOW.

- BRAVENLARKE FOR LIFE.

- CLARKE QUOTES JAHA AT BELLAMY AND SHE JUST LOOKS SO BROKEN ABOUT IT. My dear girl, you’ll be okay...somehow.

- Clarke is just the accepted leader of Skaikru now and I love it.

- TOGETHER. Looks at Bellamy. OF COURSE SHE DOES. Can we also talk about Raven’s heart eyes towards Clarke? I mean...they fade to ash pretty fast, but just for that moment it’s the purest of loves!

- So, Clarke lies, and just like Bellamy and the generator...I won’t call right or wrong. There is no answer, just a choice. 

- ‘Your father would be so proud’ OUCH. OUCH. OUCH. Raven lashing out at Clarke here is much more personal than what she says to Bellamy. It’s more vicious. But I’m still not going to rail on her, for the same reasons as mentioned above. It’s time for her to get to work. I am so excited to see her in this role.

- And so Bellamy repeats ‘we save who we can save today’ and the important thing here is how Clarke nods. She’s not mad. She respects and understands his choice. Most of all she trusts him. Even if she CAN’T understand a choice he makes, she’ll always trust that it came from the right place. They’re a team.

- And to reinforce that, the episode ends with a glorious Bellarke shot as they contemplate what is to come.

- How many episodes will end with a Bellarke shot this season? I say 12/13.

- I AM SO VERY HYPED FOR NEXT WEEK.

My laptop is acting up and I’m as grumpy as a Clarke that hears music playing, so I’m not even re reading this. Apologies for typos. And congratulations if you made it to the end!

[comicteaparty]

April 25th-May 1st, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble  chat that occurred from April 25th, 2020 to May 1st, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is your warm-up routine before you write or draw something related to your story?

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Honestly? I don’t have a formal warm-up, but I definitely like to have my fingers all warmed-up and ready for lots of typing! I really need to get in the mindspace for the particular image/idea being portrayed, though.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

1) Seek out music that matches the energy of the page, 2) Draw some circles/spirals/hatchmarks to loosen up, 3) Pick the easiest thing on the page and finish it first to build momentum, 4) Repeat Ad Infinitum

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

-listen to music from my playlist -read some fanfics -watch YouTube videos from my subscription -get some tea -stretch/workout -wear my comfiest clothes

CalimonGraal(Fenauriverse)

i'm also another one that listens to music before doing story stuff. (sometimes either is a favorite song/song i'm obsessed with atm or one that matches the current scene)

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I usually reread my comic so far and listen to some music I associate with it to get me in the mindset and excited for it

eli [a winged tale]

I have a warm up character to go to! Usually I try for some gestures before getting right back to the panels. It gets the rustiness out of the way for me!

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Ooh I love your warm ups, Eli!

eli [a winged tale]

Thank you! It’s easier for me to get into a routine when I have something fun to draw first (with zero expectations)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't always need a warm up, but doing panel borders for HoK makes for an excellent warm up. It gets my brain switch gears to comic mode. Music is great, but I only turn it on for important moments (or illustrations outside of comic). There are certain moods that... recur in important moments in my story, and I have playlists for those. e.g. 'sad emotional intimacy'

eli [a winged tale]

I love how music influences our work! I would love to hear all your playlists if you have them easy to share

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ooooh @eli [a winged tale] i like the motion in your warmups! They're very fluid and nice to look at @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) Keii, I agree with separating playlists for moods! I usually just group them all in my favourites and mentally search for them

DanitheCarutor

Gosh I'm one of the most boring people. Lol I don't have a routine, I don't need one since I'm always in comic mode. Like, all I ever draw is comic pages. I don't have a script or anything that requires writing, so no need for a warm-up for that. I just jump right into it.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Sounds like you live on the edge which is the opposite of boring 8)

eli [a winged tale]

^

DanitheCarutor

I dunno, it would be cool to do warm-up drawing. That would sure help for gesture/color/anatomy practice. I just don't have the time, a page takes about 4 days to finish without outside distractions, so I have to get to work right away.

eli [a winged tale]

If you can jump right in, that’s great! For me otherwise I just stare at the inks and wish it would colour itself

DanitheCarutor

Ffff I'm like that with dynamic shots where the perspective points are off the page, and I have to tape scrap paper to it, and sometimes my ruler isn't long enough. Working in a traditional medium can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Lol

This panel is a good example.

Top view perspective lines went way off the page, I hate it.

Anyways, that's my complaint for the day.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

When I draw warm ups. This was of my 'for practice' comic art. I wanted to practice the vertical scroll storytelling. A lady gets her purse string cut, and the thief runs off. Whenever I want to figure out action scenes, I do little character interactions. It helps me learn more about certain character behavior(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Nice! Practice comics are great!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah it's really good too!

it's also a great way to possibly have new stories/series

kinda like.....brainstorming, but applied

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Thank you Eli, Shadow. I try to combine my knowledge of storyboarding, since vertical scroll sequences, are similar to that in some regards.(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

I.... Don't do warm up. I just... Start drawing(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

dang Holmea you living the risky life

that's brave

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

I am pretty sure of my skill. Should I warm up?? Could be super to start warm ups! I check my mail, find out how we are doing online with our comic and just begin to draw. I guess since I have done it professionally as a 2d animator, and there is not really time to warm up, that I have learned to just start

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I do warm ups for everything! though what I define as warmups depend on each creator. For me, it begins with stretches and sketching, ill doodle things i need to get out of my head so i'm not distracted by those ideas- they usually involve studies, certain character interactions, or thumbing out pieces I want to tackle later! I may sure to draw everyday to flex that too, so its also important to be able to relax those creative muscles with some pre-work!

also! my warm ups vary with what medium i work in. if Im working in watercolours, i practice fine pencil work and get my lines as loose as possible. when it's comic (so mainly inking) i do what I described above with character studies and what not

kayotics

I’m really bad at remembering to do warm ups. I should.... actually do them more, but the time I have dedicated to drawing is usually pretty limited

Deo101 [Millennium]

Because I usually finish off whatever I had been working on the day before, warmups for me are kind of the process of starting a new piece. All the sketching and thumbing to get my next idea out work pretty well for warming me up, and then I feel ready to go by the time I'm needing to do things like lines. I also get music going that fits the mood of what I'm working on, like lots of people seem to do! I also need to remember to do stretches more :/ And I usually get myself some kind of drink, tea or something, to keep me company while I work ;)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Sounds like you are pretty busy, Kayotic. Yeah warm ups can be a good practice before diving into a big illustration

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Weirdly I don't think I've ever done warmups for illustrations. Only comic work!

Probably because illustrations, I just do them whenever I feel like it, so my brain is already ready (i.e. I don't start if my brain isn't ready)

whereas comic... I can't just wait for my brain to get ready. I need to keep updating it.

Page, Rambler Extraordinaire!

Pro-tip: if you decide to not do anything and procrastinate, you don't have to warm-up!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

hmm, can't say i've really tried warming up for art before, but i've heard it can really help! What are you guys' art warm up routines?

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it's just kinda mindless sketching til I hit what it is I wanna be doing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Make panel borders (not really a routine though, at least I don't think it is)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

When I do watercolor, I usually don't do warm ups unless I'm planning from thumb-> sketch ->color thumbs and figuring out local colors for watercolor then doing my watercolor flats from there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Instead of staring at a blank screen and waiting, making little circles or scribbles or drawing like. Some arms or something til, eventually, my brain thinks we're working and then it's like "ah yes! Here we go!"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but digitalllyyyyy I shoullddddddddd

my brain when looking at my comic: "aight time to do the thingy lmao"

Deo101 [Millennium]

If I've already got a sketch waiting to go I can jump right in though

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

idk, I should but my time is usually limited so I haven't done a warm up in a while lmao.

now I have the time, I probably would

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ohh i see

like some quick sketches

i see how that can help- whenever i'm figure drawing or drawing people in a cafe or something my later ones are always better

how is making panel borders a warm up? don't you have to do that anyways?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Lines with intent! Doesn't matter what the purpose is, same kinda thing as drawing a bunch of straight lines in a row or practicing ellipses a bit

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's something I can do with my brain turned off. While I do it, it wakes up the comic-making part of my brain

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh ye

Deo101 [Millennium]

Which I'd encourage doing things like drawing a ton of ellipses or straight lines, it gets your hand into the groove so you can draw stuff right the first time

Do I do it often? No But I do encourage it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ah i see keii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So for me, the panel borders can function like a warmup without being a "ritual." Kinda like if you're... say... hiking, walking from your parking spot to the trailhead can be a warmup even if it's not a ritual and is necessary anyway

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooo that's an interesting way of putting it

... man I really should consider warm ups often. I have been touching my sketchbook less and less so lmao

I do find making small thumbs and coloring them in relaxing for me, not sure that count as a warm up but its something I like doing when planning out watercolor illustrations lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Relaxing/chilling/ "reward after a long day" arting is also an interesting topic, though not 100% suitable for this week's question...

I find it interesting how a lot of people seem to like, make cute ship doodles, whereas I uhhh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lineart is the easiest for me to do though. I don't have to think much about it

maybe i should like line a page as warm up?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'll drop some examples in art share in a bit

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

ooh please do(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds like a good idea! Worth trying

Feather J. Fern

I actually read in a artist self care comic "Draw Stronger: Self Care of Artist" that you are supposed to stretch and stuff before you art so your body is warmed up for long periods of sitting. Things i draw before getting into main art, the one line challenge where you draw something using one line, gesture drawing warm ups, and always becuase it's something I recently been doing, is drawing a thumbs up on a page that I can erase later or keep in a sketchbook as in like "Good job "(edited)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don't have a warm-up routine before I sit down and draw / write comics. Besides making a cup of coffee before I dive right in. (edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't follow rules

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

i don't really have any warm up routines. it helps that 3d art is less physically demanding than drawing. during/after my work, i try to look away from the screen and relax my eyes every so often, but i can't think of anything i specifically do before working.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Another dive-right-inner here. I mean, I do loose pencil sketches before putting down lineart, but it's not like a separate warmup drawing before the real one, it's just the start of the real one.

If my brain isn't in "comics mode" and I need to get a page done...I find a nice secluded spot, sit down with the blank sketchbook, and stare at the empty paper until ideas start clicking into place. Unrelated sketches would be a distraction at that point -- same as checking twitter, just one more excuse for my brain to focus on something other than the page.

Used to do the seclusion in local restaurants( whether it's a nice place or just a plastic fast-food table), but obviously that hasn't been an option for a while :/

varethane

My warmup is working eight hours at an unrelated job l-lol

eli [a winged tale]

Haha aw that’s a mood

Miranda

Oh boy do I feel that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh that got real

[survivorelsalvador]

EPISODE 2 - The Resident Messiest Players (TM) In The World - Dana

(If a confessional is just a gif or a picture then it was most likely Veronica, winner of Jeju Island, uwu <3)

LILY

Pissed doesn't begin to describe how I feel about this fucking tribe. Literally two people are complete dead weight. Lexi and Kyle don't do fucking shit. Might I note I'm normally a very nice person ask my fellow comrades on Bahamas but this tribe sucks. Literal worst tribe I have been on and probably will ever be on. If this wasn't robs game I would probs quit. The only blessing is jake on my tribe but he also voted to get rid of Adrian so what the fuck. We will lose every challenge now and in fine with going home next so I can get away from the stupid people on this tribe. Lexi hasn't even messaged me back! Very rude. I have no respect. And I know I suck because I fell asleep last night but damn. Why couldn't they have at least voted for me last night to put me out of my misery???? Damn. Kyle and Lexi were excused from this challenge well fuck, you can be excused from my life! I'm so sorry Adrian I have failed you twice. I didn't see you going at all this week. I'm going to make sure everyone on this tribe loses this game because of this vote. I can't believe how stupid this tribe is seriously. I guess if Kyle and lexis plan is to lose every challenge then they are doing great. But yeah no I doubt it. Let's see if I blow up the tribe in the one world chat...

WILL

So everything's pretty chill right now, but I am worried that I've literally been carrying my tribe through these challenges so far like I got the highest score both times and this time in particular we may not have won if I hadn't done as well. We also got lucky that like half the other tribe didn't try or even do the challenge though but like.... yikes ugh I don't want people to rely on me too much or even think I'm some sort of challenge threat

ZAKRIAH

King of being a threepeater and not making an episode one confessional Well either way I'm back to get 8th for the third sequence season in a row

KAI

This round seems really quiet... I'm not sure if that's because everyone busy or something xD but I feel really left out of this tribe if they're not busy

WILLOW

Imdividual rewards kinda stress me out lmao

ZAKRIAH

I ain't winning this game

WILL

Like I'd say I'm sorry but Regan's really good at giving me new reasons to not trust her and be upset with her, like at least TRY to be a good sport and dont just leave one world every time something doesn't go your way? Like? Is that how the game works? No? That's unfortunate

--------

Anyways if I get voted out of sequence again because of Regan I'm literally gonna fight someone

JAKE

I have been doing terrible so far in this game. I've only played one of three challenges, and I went to tribal. I really want to step my game up, so that is what I plan to do.

LILY

One, sorry about that last confessional. I was so frustrated with how this game was going but damn did it turn around. I did really well in dolphin olympics and got to pick out of pretty much everyone. I was so sad I didn't get to play with chips in Bahamas so I needed this chance to be on the same tribe. Looking forward to meeting the rest of my tribe and hopefully be a lot better than last time Apopa. #PlayingForApopa

DANA

Writing a quick confesh now that we've swapped tribes and my tribe is complete. Listen, things were lookin STELLAR. Nicholas is one of the reward winners, and chooses me! My queen! I was so pleased! Nicholas is totally a fav and i'm thrilled to be on a tribe with him. At this point I know I have a pretty good pick and I'm immediately thinking about who I can get that will prioritize being loyal to me. I think of Zak and Willow first. I played with both of them in Solomon and showed them I was loyal by voting with them when we were all on a tribe together. The only problem? Willow and Zak are absolutely closer with each other than they are with me. At this point in the game, i'm thinking that's pretty irrelevant though, because right now I just need numbers. I know if I pick one, they will pick the other and that automatically gives me the ability to at least join up with them and force a tie on my new tribe.  Assuming Nicholas wants to work with us in a vote, which he has since confirmed he does, we get a 4-2 majority. Sounds amazing. I end up picking Willow first, because she certainly has less experience in the game then Zak and in the event we hadn't gotten Zak, I think Willow is a safer bet. For example, on day 2 of the game Willow asked me how she should be playing one world... like if she should pm people or not... and that ask for guidance is something that is easy to work with. anyways, we get Zak too. And at this point I'm thinking. Have I ever been in a better position in a game? Like I have Nicholas on one side, and Zak and Willow on the other. I bring everyone together, and I am at the pinnacle of this alliance. Genius. Then Zak trashes my dreams of perfection and picks Regan. Idk if they are friends or what, but I've heard A LOT about Regan in this community. She 100% gets the benefit of the doubt right now from me, but I know Nicholas was NOT happy to see her. Then true tragedy strikes. Like I must have done something REALLY BAD in one of these games in my past life, because I am surely being tricked. Regan's pick has me contemplating my own mortality in this game and asking the survivor gods why I'm being punished. The unbelievable happens, and his name is Jaiden. So Nicholas and I JUST voted Jaiden out in Athena Bahamas, where he and I had a cracked relationship and he kind of snapped a few times toward the end. I know... HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! I can't work with this snake. He's a nice guy, but I just wrote an 8pg confessional in Bahamas, most of which closely detailed every lie Jaiden ever told me. Moreover, he tried to fancy idol me out of Bahamas, and luckily another fancy idol brought me back in. There is just too much recent history with Jaiden for me to forget and trust him in this game. I mean I really feel like i'm having war flashbacks except they're not flashbacks at all and Jaiden is here squirming his way back into my life. Nicholas and I start going OFF in pms about how shook we are about this pick and how it literally makes our games so much harder than they need to be. Because even though Jaiden is King Mess, he is also great at getting idols and advantages. More to come later, but until then, I'll leave you with this: [6/12/17, 8:13:20 PM] nicholas: literally pour the bleach regan picked jaiden [6/12/17, 8:14:53 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING

RICHIE

whew i threw that reward challenge bc i did too well in the first immunity only because apparently im a spanish speaking icon??? but im so happy i didnt win the reward because it meant that i didnt have to be the first to pick a new tribe mate and draw attention to myself and i got picked by chips who is literally one of my favorite humans i've met in this world and i'm so excited to play together!!! and i picked ashton because i wanted to pick someone from my original tribe and after nicolas who was already chosen ashton was the person i talked to more during our short stay on the usul tribe.... now i have to talk to lily austin and jake but at least i feel content knowing that if we lose i dont think i would be first boot on this tribe???????  

WILL

I'm literally sCREAMING three different people all sent me the same receipts of Regan ~~~exposing~~~ me for being a "liar" GHJKLK like this is SO funny to me that everyone's running to me with these (like obviously Nicholas and Dana are my friends but Jaiden?? wants drama! i love it!) this game is literally on day 3 and it has more drama than i was ready for oh my goddddddd

DANA

I'm dropping this conversation from tribe chat into confessionals because I was CACKLING when this happened. I'm just trying to keep things ~funky fresh~ in El Salvador despite being stuck with the resident Messiest players™ in the world @Jaiden @Regan. Tonight, I'm feelin like a true comedy queen though. Check this strategically placed comedic relief. [6/13/17, 10:57:27 PM] Regan: look [6/13/17, 10:57:31 PM] Regan: I just get messy in games [6/13/17, 10:57:49 PM] jaiden: well [6/13/17, 10:57:50 PM] jaiden: same [6/13/17, 10:58:03 PM] jaiden: Dana knows. [6/13/17, 10:58:05 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): greetings jaiden [6/13/17, 10:58:22 PM] jaiden: I hope you send the right person to jury in Bahamas <3 [6/13/17, 10:59:07 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): another friend will join u soon [6/13/17, 10:59:10 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): maybe me [6/13/17, 10:59:16 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): who can say [6/13/17, 10:59:26 PM] jaiden: we'll see [6/13/17, 10:59:54 PM] Rob (Salvador, Aegean, & Bouvet Host): It me [6/13/17, 11:00:03 PM] nicholas: hi [6/13/17, 11:00:32 PM] jaiden: Nicholas and Dana on this tribe? may as well accept my elimination [6/13/17, 11:01:00 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): hey listen we’re winnin this challenge and not thinking about tribals [6/13/17, 11:01:25 PM] jaiden: :| [6/13/17, 11:01:32 PM] jaiden: I just don't know if I can believe that [6/13/17, 11:02:21 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): pls i dont want anyone to go, we’re friends again, remember? [6/13/17, 11:02:48 PM] nicholas: same [6/13/17, 11:02:54 PM] nicholas: I’m here for a good tome [6/13/17, 11:02:56 PM] nicholas: time [6/13/17, 11:02:56 PM] jaiden: hmm. [6/13/17, 11:02:59 PM] nicholas: not a long time [6/13/17, 11:03:30 PM] jaiden: until you flip on a revote and tell everyone in our alliance to do the same and then continue to say "well I will do anything for ur game bc I don't want to win (sun) [6/13/17, 11:03:55 PM] Regan: Jaiden omg [6/13/17, 11:03:57 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): idk her because i never did that :) [6/13/17, 11:04:01 PM] Regan: throwback to bbhell [6/13/17, 11:04:02 PM] Regan: because [6/13/17, 11:04:05 PM] Regan: Shelby said [6/13/17, 11:04:07 PM] Regan: the entire game [6/13/17, 11:04:10 PM] Regan: hey I don't want to win [6/13/17, 11:04:12 PM] Regan: you have to win [6/13/17, 11:04:15 PM] jaiden: but Nicholas sure did [6/13/17, 11:04:16 PM] Regan: and still didn't vote for me [6/13/17, 11:04:31 PM] jaiden: omg!!! Nicholas told me the same thing and still threw my game under the bus for his benefit!! [6/13/17, 11:05:01 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): new game, who dis [6/13/17, 11:05:13 PM] jaiden: hurt feelings carry over hehe [6/13/17, 11:05:15 PM] jaiden: <3 [6/13/17, 11:05:30 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): hmm interesting [6/13/17, 11:05:49 PM] nicholas: . [6/13/17, 11:05:56 PM] nicholas: jaiden are u literally inbred [6/13/17, 11:06:00 PM] nicholas: all offense [6/13/17, 11:06:08 PM] nicholas: I’ve been nothing but nice to you [6/13/17, 11:06:10 PM] jaiden: you're in bread binch [6/13/17, 11:06:25 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): I am bread binch [6/13/17, 11:06:52 PM] nicholas: grrrrr [6/13/17, 11:07:24 PM] jaiden: go growl at someone else furry freak [6/13/17, 11:07:36 PM] nicholas: . [6/13/17, 11:08:31 PM] Willow: I have no idea whats happening ahh [6/13/17, 11:09:01 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): we’re talking about themes for flags! [6/13/17, 11:09:05 PM] nicholas: yes [6/13/17, 11:09:12 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): and Nicholas and Jaiden are in a lil tiff over it [6/13/17, 11:09:22 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): because they both have a lot of passion for design [6/13/17, 11:09:27 PM] jaiden: actually I'm plotting my revenge, baby [6/13/17, 11:09:31 PM] jaiden: it's all about revenge [6/13/17, 11:12:11 PM] nicholas: anyways hmu when u learn to separate games! [6/13/17, 11:12:25 PM] Regan: OMG [6/13/17, 11:12:27 PM] Regan: guys want tea [6/13/17, 11:12:29 PM] jaiden: hmu when you know how to be a loyal ally in any of them!!!!!!!!! [6/13/17, 11:12:30 PM] Regan: do u want tea about will [6/13/17, 11:12:43 PM] Regan: okay so he was supposed to pick me [6/13/17, 11:12:48 PM] Regan: because we talked a lot [6/13/17, 11:12:57 PM] Regan: but unless I said id pick willa josh said he couldn't pick me [6/13/17, 11:13:02 PM] Regan: and also will said [6/13/17, 11:13:06 PM] Regan: because of jeju [6/13/17, 11:13:10 PM] Regan: hes never trusting me in a game [6/13/17, 11:13:15 PM] Regan: shows he cant separate games either [6/13/17, 11:13:24 PM] jaiden: is this a call out Regan [6/13/17, 11:13:26 PM] nicholas: him & jaiden would be good together huh [6/13/17, 11:13:26 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): trust is all fucking relative [6/13/17, 11:13:35 PM] Dana Barry (Bouvet Islands Host): pls i dont even trust myself [6/13/17, 11:13:48 PM] nicholas: me This tribe is WILD. Have we talked about a flag? No. Will we lose? Almost definitely. I'm inclined not to even give a fuck if we lose, but then again, maybe someone handed Jaiden another Sapphire idol and my ass is out of here.

KAI

I mean... we didn't win HOWEVER WE DIDNT LOSE EITHER... so...

WILLA

Damn I thought our flag was cute but shit that other flag was incredible this should be a double tribal tbh send me home i got that flag in my brain that is enough for me cya

WILL

....anyways y'all need to stop trying to drag me into drama this isn't the game for that this is not the time nor the place

-----------

wow regan's really about to let some random get to her just by saying random clearly false things huh? that's... a look.... i love one world yes i do

JAIDEN

I'll send a longer confessional later but I'm gonna make sure Nicholas goes.

KYLE

regan is racist

AUSTIN

My only friends are basically ribbons who's acting psycho, Lexi who quit, regan who ppl hate, and Jake/Lilly. Also somebody wanted to pick regan during the swap but then didn't bc regan wanes to pick me so lols! I think I said this last time but I'm probably getting voted out for like 15th ish

NICHOLAS

ASHTON

Well I've still only talked to Richie so you know really doing good in that aspect. I'm happy he's on my tribe then cuz I don't think he will vote me out. Overall i'm worried im if my tribe loses But not too worried cuz i think i can get the target onto somebody else.

NICHOLAS

hi so there are 2 psychos on my tribe and i hope one of them leaves or i leave either way its going to be a huge win! yeehaw!

JOSH

HI I'M SUBMITTING SO I DON'T GET A STRIKE. So, I won the challenge that split us up into tribes so that was a wee bit iconic, if you ask me??  I chose to go with Will because he's who I have bonded with most and I really trust him so far.  I think that him, Willa, Kai, & I are kind of an unspoken thing?  Which I'm okay with them because I really enjoy them.  I think that my tribe should continue to win immunity because we sl@y and it's kind of my arc in Survivor Sequence to not go to TC without immunity in the pre-merge phase.  I CAN'T RUIN THAT STREAK??  I'VE COME TOO FAR FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.  I think there should only be a few more people that have to go home before we merge.  AND I HOPE that one of them is Regan.  I love her but she is on some rant about how she wants me out once we hit merge and like??  She's blaming the fact that SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS on why I didn't pick her.  LIKE IT IS MY FAULT THAT SHE HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS THIS JOSH.  so now it's all my fault.  i'm so mad. anyways.  hopefully this next immunity is FUN.

MICHEAL

At first I had a solid allince then the tribe swap happened and everyone dosent really want to work together

RICHIE

lily made a really creative flag! we won! im happy to be safe! nothing else has happened !!!

WILLOW

I feel bad for loosing the challenge and majority wants Jaiden out but he's active and deserves to be here, and so I'm gonna vote him out anyway but

REGAN

So I will definitely do more around midnight. but  I love my new tribe this tribal is so hard but  i understand if go, but I think Jaiden is. WHo knows, I could be being lied to. I want nicholas to go because he likes to ignore me but he clearly wont because everyone loves him idgi. Like who are you?? ive been here for 2 years Im more of an icon than you

ZAKRIAH

I'm probably being voted out and if I am I'll be really sad bc I didn't get 8th or 16th :(