#I’m the definition of a mess

[skinreflectsthesun]

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[inumbrapugnabimus-maybe]

✨colors✨

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

when i was a teenager i used to get so angry at the insinuation that i might be responsible for improving my mental health. i didn’t make myself mentally ill; i didn’t traumatize myself. it wasn’t my fault, so why should i have to clean up the mess? it wasn’t fair.

and now in my old age…it still isn’t fair. but whether it’s fair or not is a lot less important to me. whether it’s fair doesn’t change the fact that i don’t want to be a vampire to the people i love. i don’t want every interaction to be ‘i’m miserable and it’s everyone’s fault but my own.’

it wasn’t my fault. no one taught me how to be a person; i didn’t get to mature emotionally at the same pace as others around me because i didn’t have examples to follow. people did unforgivable things to me when i was too young to even understand that they were wrong. i didn’t make the mess. but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter who made the mess.

sometimes people come over and they trash your place and then they leave. and the options we’re left with are (1) leave the mess, since we didn’t make it. live in the mess. it’s not our fault so we shouldn’t have to clean it up; or (2) clean it up anyway. it’s still not our fault. and we shouldn’t have to clean it up, but the mess is there, and we can choose to clean it up anyway. not for the sake of the people who made that mess, but because we really, really don’t need to live in someone else’s mess.

it is never ever too late to pick up a broom and start cleaning it up.

[housecow]

at this point wouldn't it be better to just never wear a bra?

if i didn’t wear a bra they’d bounce while i walk, and that’s SO annoying

[theclownghoul]

Gratuitous

Opinion piece & analysis

I really hate how Jinx’s suicidality is portrayed in S2, largely in Act lll but we’ll talk about all of it.

In S1 we have about three moments (by my count) that show Jinx harming herself or trying to end her life. Hitting herself in episode 3, being careless with the staples in episode 7 and pulling the pin on the bridge also in episode 7. There is also a line she says to Vi “You’re the reason I’m still alive” in episode 9 which given other things she says in that moment could be interpreted as other ideations.

What makes these moments different from S2 episode 9? Well none of the three main writers were credited to those episodes other than the dialogue in S1 episode 9. Most of them are communicated through animation only. They also just feel different, they’re vulnerable, other things are the focus and her doing these things is just a reaction to those feelings. There was something to get from the scene besides a showcase of her pain.

Episode 9 of S2 is not that. It’s gratuitous, it’s a spectacle, it’s gory and somehow losing all its impact. There’s the music which is not what I’d call tasteful or subtle. It’s making an impression, wants to force a feeling or reaction. Make you sad or horrified and oh, I was horrified but not the way they wanted.

Even the way she digs her nails into her cuticles in S2 episode 8 isn’t really meant to show us anything about her. It’s meant to affect the audience.

In comparison I almost appreciate how people have read her pulling the pin in S1 episode 7 as trying to manipulate or take Ekko out too instead of being a completely clear cut attempt. Because it at least shows that there is enough going on with the character’s mindset that we can speculate on her motivations and how she’s reacting to all the emotions that came from fighting her old friend. If you look at her face it’s sadness and regret (S1 is also better at story through facial expressions since there was forethought). You’re free to have your own reaction, not the one that’s set out for you.

I have mixed feelings about her fight with Vi now and telling Vi that she’s okay to go out by her hand. It feels closer to the moments in S1 than later in episode 9. There’s more going on, we’re meant to consider multiple layers of both her and Vi’s feelings in the moment. It’s a non explicit parallel to the Bridge and does show a pattern of behaviour. It’s also not credited to any of the main writers.

The scene from the opening of episode 9 as a whole, is it romanticization? Heard differing opinions on this and I honestly don’t know where I stand. One one hand it shows how empty she feels and how everything has come crashing down despite trying and it communicates her emotions through the images and music. On the other the scene is meant to be visually appealing while also showing her detonating the bomb very explicitly, like you see her blood. I’m sorry but this is some 13 reasons shit. None of this is helped by the fact that Isha was killed purposely to get her in this state.

I had way more emotions about the actual story in the scene with Ekko in S1 and the scene with Vi in episode 3. Originally I liked this scene but I just can’t really remember why exactly, especially when compared to the earlier ones. The other scenes aren’t lacking in any way when it comes to showing her despair so I’m lead to believe it’s a stylistic choice in line with S2’s music video focus.

Then there’s Ekko… what did he do to deserve this? I’ve said before that if he had to he would save her but the reason he had to was because this scene sounded like a good idea. Saw someone say why is it his responsibility to save her and yeah why? He’s her romantic interest? Not from her perspective at this point and that’s a terrible reason anyway. Not only are we shown her blowing herself up in detail, being inflicted with it but he also has to see that, multiple times. Please don’t make me think too long about it… then we don’t see what actually changes her mind and actually see their bond. That also doesn’t give me a lot of faith is what they think is important to show.

Then she sacrifices herself at the end to “break the cycle” which no one is actually clear on what is meant by that and the same damn song is playing. It’s weird.

I’d like to compare it to the Poison sequence from Hazbin Hotel since that scene faced backlash for romanticizing abuse specifically in that scene. If I can describe what makes Poison not exploitative and what makes Wasteland so then I can safely say they are different and there is something deeply sinister about Jinx’s scene.

Poison benefits internally, inside the context of the story from being visually appealing and pretty. That tells part of the story in and of itself and eventually it cracks, mirroring how Angel feels in the scene and in his situation.

Wasteland benefits externally, it’s done for the audience as I’ve been saying. There is nothing about Jinx’s mindset or actions that we get a better insight into from the stylistic choices. We know “she loves a spectacle” but that’s the only internal explanation that I could make. Even if they wanted the cutting of her hair and the burning on the last drop but the framing could have easily been different.

Think about the staple scene for contrast, it has no interest in being something other than what it is, brutal and disorienting, just as she is feeling in that moment. Jinx would behave that way whether there were “eyes” on her or not. Poison is the same, Angel “performs” to keep his thoughts at bay regardless of an audience. Wasteland only exists in its current form to entertain.

The final “sacrifice” also falls into this, solely focusing on eliciting a reaction from the audience and making a spectacle of sadness. There is no resolution to Jinx’s earlier conversation with Ekko, we don’t see her reflect, we don’t see a change. We have no reason to believe she’s in any way in a better place. Her decision to give her life for Vi’s isn’t particularly fleshed out and this as a conclusion to her arc is bizarre at best and offensive at worst, suggesting she had to remove herself from her loved ones lives, something she simultaneously feared and was tempted by.

I probably shouldn’t feel the need to make such a caveat but I am aware that the could be a matter of preference when it comes to how scenes like this are portrayed but the way this scene was done continues to strike me as odd. I can’t help but think it maybe intentionally or unintentionally is playing into the “sacrifice” message where, it may be a sad thing but Jinx had to die. And that’s a horrible thing to say.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.

And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.

[baneonono]

Athena went to Telemachus because he needed her help, not because he had already bested a challenge and shown his worth. Odysseus is the equivalent of a “gifted kid” being pushed too far and cracking but Telemachus is getting Athena’s help because he needs the help.

[smilesrobotlover]

Part 2 :0 ||part 3

Oh my gosh I am so impatient 😭 anyways another little traditional comic test using my copics and stuff. This is where the dads meet a certain musician. Can you guess which one?

It’s funny cuz I wanted to buy a spiral sketchbook for this type of stuff and I got two for $10, plus they were 40% off. And then I got new liners cuz mine were dying for $7 and THOSE were also 40%. I spent a total of $12 which is a HUGE deal. Unfortunately the quality isn’t as good with the sketchbooks 😅 as you can see, the copics reeeeally bled into the lineart so that is gonna be a challenge, but it’s not biggie! It’s not meant to look perfect anyway! Maybe I need a thicker line but for now I must suffer

Anyways the dads are so silly to me. I love them. Leon is kind of a pain to deal with here, but you’ll understand why soon enough. He has a reason he’s acting this way 🤌

Edit: here’s a transcript so y’all can read my handwriting

Page 1:

Rusl: Oy Leon!

Page 2:

Rusl: you mind slowing down for the rest of us?

Leon: *sigh* fine.

Rusl: hey now, not everyone is as fit to travel through the woods! Give them a break!

Leon: *grumble*

Page 3:

Rusl: alright y’all. Break time.

Talon: oh thank goodness

Ammon: hey, you mind boosting me up that tree? I’ll have a good view.

Linebeck: sure thing, shortie.

Ammon: I’ll kill you

Linebeck: hehe

Page 4;

Leon: hey! I never said we were taking a break!

Linebeck: uh-huh, and who put YOU in charge?

Leon: my son is out there somewhere! I just find him! I don’t have time to wait around!

Linebeck: then do us all a favor and leave!

Rusl: woah woah woah! We need to stick together, ok? No one is leaving!

Page 5:

Rusl: and Leon, we all wanna find our sons as much as you… but we can’t wander around the woods without a plan!

Rusl: we’ve been walking for hours now, we can’t push ourselves past our limits!

Leon: hmph… fine… I’ll scout ahead.

Rusl: wait, I JUST said we need to stick together!

Leon: I won’t be too far. Holler if you need me.

Rusl: ugh, that man is gonna be a pain.

Linebeck: AAUGH!

[mykelneedssleep]

We’ve been talking about it the fact that Jacobi definitely wears glasses recently but as a person with absolutely terrible depth perception I feel like we don’t talk about that part of his canon enough

Like give me fics of him just straight up walking into shit because it seems father away than it is, or going to pick something up and just completely missing. Give me fics of him struggling to drive and getting headaches when trying to look at stuff at a distance for too long. Bad depth perception Jacobi stans rise for this cause with me

[flowers-and-dndoc]

Something something the doctor has settled down multiple times (11 on trenzalore, 12 on darilium, 12 on earth guarding missy, 14) but it ends. It always ends and he moves on and the people he loved are still just as dead and gone as when he doesn’t stay only now it hurts more because he *tried*, he knew them and loved them and tried to stay with them and it still didn’t work, it’s still just a blip to him in his thousands of years life, and he’s still lonely in the end. So he doesn’t let himself think about the fact that this is a repeat experiment, doesn’t let himself get remember all the times he’s stayed before. He idealizes the normal, mundane, human life but tells himself he doesn’t deserve it and that’s why he can’t have it. When circumstances force him to slow down and force him to stay he treats it as a new chance because he has to - because the alternative is accepting he knows how this will end and it will not end well.

[locustime]

Friendships where one of them is tall and one of them is short :)

I need to practice my human anatomy and character design, so what better than some messy fanart?

(To all the people following me for the bug art, feel free to! I will continue drawing bugs. But know I plan on drawing lots of humans + reptiles too, so if that isn’t your jam you can unfollow)

[theradicalace]

to this day, this easily remains my absolute favorite baby picture of mine. i love it to pieces and show it to literally anyone who is even slightly interested in looking at it. so of course, i had to redraw it with my sona!

[willyoubemydarling]

I’m on the verge of giving in somebody needs to convince me to read tcoptp 😭🙏

[hildergard]

We waited years for this writing? This finale? They butchered the book and the solidarity of the Greens. Yeah… I am team Aemond from now on. Why is he the only one acting like there is a war?

[ap-menz]

rewatching Doctor Who rn 🥴💀