#I’m supposed to be resting from pms but I found a few blogs I really like at the moment and idk

[linorachas]

for the weekend. | bang chan

⁍ pairing — bang chan x reader ⁍ genre — fluff & smut  ⁍ word count — 4.8k words ⁍ details — established relationship, producer!chan, choreographer!reader, lots of cuddles and kissing, oral (m. receiving), dirty talk, d/s undertones, mention of the word “cockslut”, chan worship, you’re both really in love ⁍ a/n — hello! i’m a new writing blog for skz. :D this is my first work here, so i’d love to hear your thoughts. i accept criticism, but please be nice i am trying my best ㅠㅠ part 2 is here! thank you to everyone who let me know that they wanted a part 2! ♥️ ⁍ summary — After a long week of hard work, you finally spend a weekend with Chan.

Friday - 2:03 am

 Your footsteps are light and quick as you rush down the hall, duffel bag bumping against your back as it bounces from your movements. 

You were sweaty, sticky, and overall about to pass out, but there was a wide grin on your face once you stopped in front of a very familiar studio door.

You had just finished helping create a choreography for an idol group, a whole day of repeating dance moves and drawing positions on papers. 

Your out was supposed to be at 7, but you had done overtime with the intent to clear your schedule tomorrow. You would have to do overtime on Monday again, but that didn’t matter right now.

All that matters was the boy behind this door who was working just as hard as you are.

Inside, Chan was hunched over his desk, headphones in, hand cramping as he furiously jots down some notes. 

He wasn’t required to stay in, no, he could’ve left hours ago and be asleep right now. But going home without you always bothered him, so he had decided to stay until his girlfriend was finished. 

He knew you felt the same, though. You once told him that you would just be tossing and turning in bed if you went home without him. When the tables are turned and he was the one doing the overtime, you would doze on a chair beside him while he worked, or spend some time at the studio yourself.

Chan had checked the time just a few minutes ago, and he knew that you were already on your way here. Unfortunately, he had made the mistake of starting on a new project while waiting, so it would bother him if he left this unfinished while he rested at home. 

So now he was cramming, rushing to finish at least a draft. 

 You, on the other side of the door, didn’t bother with knocking, and just pushed the door open slowly. 

 Your eyes immediately find your boyfriend’s busy form; Chan’s hair was covered by a reversed snapback, basketball short clad legs tucked Indian style on top of his chair. 

 You feel a tug on your heartstrings as you watch Chan work hard for the sake of a free day tomorrow, a free day for you two.

 You smile at the way Chan taps the pen on the desk to an unfamiliar beat or taps it to the snapback on his head, before going back to writing again. 

 Chan also does these annoyed puffs of breath every few seconds, something you found to be very endearing ever since the first day you met. 

 When Chan groans in frustration, you finally walk inside and shut the door behind you, dropping your duffel bag on the floor.

 Chan freezes and stops writing when he feels arms wrapping around his neck, but the feeling is immediately gone when his brain registers that it’s his baby. 

 You press small close mouthed kisses on Chan’s cheek before you nuzzle your head against the crook between Chan’s neck and shoulder, and a smile blooms on Chan’s face.

 “Sorry,” Chan mutters, yanking his earphones down when you stop kissing him and pull away. You don’t answer. Instead, you remove Chan’s snapback from his head and card your fingers through his hair gently. 

 Chan sighs contentedly, eyes slipping shut as he leans his head back on the chair, following the flow of your fingers. He opens his eyes again when you lean down and press a kiss to his lips, 

 his nose, 

 and then his forehead. 

 You grin at him, and despite being in an unflattering upside down angle, Chan thinks you look absolutely gorgeous like this.

 Barefaced, happy, and in love.

 “It’s okay, Channie,” you finally say, after seconds of just gazing at each other lovingly passes. “I know you’re doing it for our vacation, anyway.”

 Chan lets out a small laugh as you fix the cap back on his head. “It’s just two days, baby.” 

 “Two days of sleeping, eating, and maybe some sex? I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a heavenly vacation to me.” You babble unashamedly, hands sliding down Chan’s torso to massage his pecs— making him squirm and laugh— before you slide them up again to massage his shoulder joints. 

 Chan sighs as he lets the feeling of your fingers relieving the aches wash over him, but then he catches sight of the mess of papers on his desk, and a frustrated frown replaces his smile.

 “Will you wait for me?” Chan asks hopefully. Though deep inside, he kind of already knew the answer.

 Still, his heart starts to beat too fast and his stomach fills with too many butterflies when you wrap your arms around his neck again, pressing your cheek against Chan’s own as you mutter, “of course. You know I always will.”

 And then you seal the promise with a kiss. Chan pretends he doesn’t chase after your lips when you pull away.

 He goes back to work with you still wrapped around him, and after a few moments, you start to shift. Chan’s free hand quickly darts up to your arms that are slowly loosening, so you stay still, alarmed. 

 “Stay.” Chan mumbles distractedly, eyes darting hurriedly across the papers. It’s selfish, yes, making you stand behind him for God knows how long, but Chan had always worked better when you were this close. 

 You would have seen the embarrassed blush that dotted across Chan’s cheeks if you weren’t so flustered yourself, hiding your face in Chan’s shoulder blades again when you fail to suppress a wide grin. 

 So you busy yourself with basking in Chan’s warmth instead, squeezing Chan tight every once in a while just to see him squirm and attempt to glare at you. 

 Suddenly, all your sore muscles from dancing were gone, and you were content to stand behind your boyfriend for as long as he wanted you to. 

 When Chan is finally finished and you’ve shut off all the lights, locked the door and gathered all your belongings— Chan throws an arm around your shoulder while you wrap your own arm around your boyfriend’s waist. 

 You both giggle, talk in stage whispers, and stumble down the corridor like drunken fools despite being completely sober. You hold onto each other like it was your last time to do so, as if you were reassuring yourselves that the other is still there.

 For extra measure, Chan presses his lips against your temple, whispering a sweet “I love you, Y/N. So so, so much.” that only the two of you could hear as you go out into the cold night, wrapped in each other’s warmth. 

 The streetlights look like stars in his eyes, and you ask yourself again how lucky you are to have fallen in love with Bang Chan.

Saturday - 2:54 pm

 3:16 am, you and Chan are pressed against each other as you settle into a deep sleep, blankets tucked around your bodies to shield yourselves from the cold. 

 4:23 am, you accidentally kick the blanket off the bed, leaving the both of you exposed to the cold temperature of the room. You shiver in your sleep. 

 Chan wakes up long enough to grumble about the blanket and do a half assed search around the room, just to end up pulling you closer to his chest and wrap both his arms around you. It doesn’t do much for Chan himself, but you stop shivering then, so Chan falls back asleep with a smile on his face.

 8:44 am, Chan’s phone rings. The ringtone almost rivals Chan’s snores, and the combination of the two sounds force you to wake up, annoyed. Chan was in the middle of the bed, arms and legs splayed out, while you were on top of him, cheek pressed against his chest. 

 You only have the energy to lift your head up, glare at the sun peeking from behind the curtain and at Chan’s phone, before you drop your head back on Chan’s chest heavily, startling the said boy awake. 

 Chan stops mid snore and the sound is so funny that you feel a smile tug on your lips, but then his  phone rings again.

 “Yah, Chan-ah,” you whine, wiggling upwards to bury your face in Chan’s neck. “Make it stop.”

 “Sorry babe,” Chan groans, trying to blink the sleep away from his eyes as he cups the back of your head. His free hand reaches for his phone on the nightstand, pressing it to his ear after 3 sad attempts of hitting the answer button. 

 Your hearing is muffled because of your position and Chan’s hand covering your head, and you only manage to hear a “no, no, we can’t, we’re sleeping in. Sorry Bin,” before you drown out the conversation entirely, the vibrations of Chan’s voice lulling you back to sleep. 

 Finally, at 2:54 pm, you wake up again, but this time you’re really awake. 

 Your stomach is grumbling and you’re so hungry it‘s starting to hurt. You try to move, but find yourself unable to because of the limbs restricting from doing so.

 This time, one of Chan’s legs is on top of you, covering your lower half entirely. Chan’s head is lying on the pillow, and there’s drool on his chin and it’s gross, so you use the sleeve of your shirt to wipe it quickly. Thankfully he didn’t drool on your hair.

 Chan’s holding your other arm to his own chest as if it was a teddy bear, his body curled into your side snugly. When you lean back slightly to take a proper look at him, Chan’s nose twitches like a rabbit and the grip on your arm tightens. You snort.

 “Chan. Channie,” you mutter before you bury your face in Chan’s hair, squeezing the sleeping boy in an attempt to wake him up gently. 

 Chan lets out a grunt, but doesn’t do much to prove he’s really awake. You sigh. 

 What the hell are you supposed to do now?

 It takes you more than a few attempts, but you finally release your arm from Chan’s grip. However, just when you were about to start working on his leg, Chan suddenly slips his own arm under you, turning you over so you end up on top of him again. He does it so easily that it startles you, cheeks burning red at the sudden display of strength.

 “It’s our day off, give me one more hour.” Chan grumbles. He was still half asleep so most of his sentence was incoherent, but if anyone was an expert in sleepy Chan language, it was you.

 You glance at the wall clock on the other side of the room, grimacing once you realize why you were starving. “Shit. We really wasted the whole day away by sleeping, dude. It’s 3 pm.”

 “Stop calling me dude.” He huffs. “And it’s a vacation, Y/N. Let me sleep. Let us sleep.” 

 You pout when you get your own words thrown back at you, and then it’s as if Chan has a sixth sense for your pouting, because he’s suddenly lifting his head up to press a kiss to your chin, eyes still closed.

 You’re guessing he was aiming for your lips, but he was fighting a hard battle between properly kissing you and falling back asleep. It was endearing.

 “Love you,” Chan mutters groggily, and was about to drop his head back on the pillow when you stop him with a proper kiss to the lips. It’s a very awkward angle, but you both blush and giggle as if it’s your first kiss.

 “Mmmmhm,” Chan pulls away after a few seconds of close mouthed kisses, eyes now blinking open as he frowns at you. “Don’t kiss me. Morning breath.”

 You giggle, leaning up on your elbows to take a proper look at him, heart squeezing at the way his lips were pouted. His bed head looked like a bird’s nest and his eyes were swollen. You couldn’t resist pressing another peck to his lips at the sight.

 “But I just did.” You grin, cupping Chan’s cheek as you press small, rapid kisses on his face. “Besides, it’s afternoon.”

 Chan rolls his eyes, pretending as if he wasn’t chasing your lips with every kiss. And you giggle again, because you were giddy that Chan is finally awake and you were in love with him, and those two don’t really connect, but whatever. 

 Barely a minute passes before Chan’s eyes start to slip shut again, and it’s only then that you realize you’ve been running your hand through your boyfriend’s hair unconsciously.

 “The day’s over, anyway,” Chan places a hand at the back of your head, gently leading you to his neck. He presses a kiss to your forehead then yawns, fingernails scratching your scalp gently to lure you into going back to sleep. “Let’s just stay in bed.”

 And you, you were so tempted to say yes, especially with how warm and comfortable you were in the love of your life’s arms, but then your stomach starts to wail like a dying animal, and both you and Chan wince.

 “Chan-“

 “I heard it.”

 You laugh, a loud, refreshing sound that makes Chan’s heart pump wildly, and you feel his lips form into a smile when he presses a kiss to your forehead again, longer this time.

 Chan then wraps both of his arms around your waist, turning you both over to the side. Your arms come up to lock around Chan’s neck, and your eyes meet when you look up. 

 Chan’s eyes were twinkling, and you’re not so sure if it’s because of the light behind you.

 “Hello,” Chan says casually, and you make a sound between huffing and laughing.

 “Will you at least let me go so I can make breakfast?”

 “It’s already afternoon,” Chan half-heartedly reasons, his arms tightening around you as he leans down to press another kiss to your nose.

 “Breakfast time is any time. Whoever thinks otherwise should be jailed.” 

 Chan ignores you, busy pressing a few more pecks to your cheeks, nudging your nose with his own. 

 You whine. “Come on, baby. You need to eat. I know you’re hungry too.”

 And Chan is, but he doesn’t want to leave the bed yet. He’s not pouting, he swears he isn’t, but he knows he’s making a face because you were smiling all amusedly at him again, like you were surprised he was acting this way.

 Who could blame him, really? He had a whole day off, a beautiful girl in his arms, and unlimited kisses to give and receive. Why would he leave this warm bubble without a fight?

 Chan tightens his grip and rolls again, and you were getting out of breath from laughing and trying to push him away. Your boyfriend pins you down on the bed, holding your hands above your head and intertwining your fingers together.

 “Hello,” Chan says again, grinning down at your flushed face.

 The sudden displays of strength kept catching you off guard, and your face was reddening for a multitude of reasons.

 “Hi,” you reply, albeit breathlessly, and you tilt your head up as a way of asking for a kiss. 

 Chan leans down slowly, too slowly for your liking, so you groan loudly. Chan laughs but finally presses your lips together, subconsciously loosening his grip on your hands. You free them from his grasp to cup his cheeks. 

 You can feel Chan smile against your own lips, and you only go as far as nibbling on the other’s bottom lip before you decide something and push him back.

 “Y/N,” Chan whines, chasing after you again, but you stop him with a finger to his chest and a quick peck to the lips. He stops, clearly confused.

 You push him back further, making him fall onto his side. He seems to catch on when you start straddling him, knees on other sides of his hips.

 “Oh.” Chan gapes, eyes blinking up at you stupidly. You laugh.

 “Yeah, oh.” 

 You drag the hem of his shirt up, deliberately scratching your nails against the hard muscles of his abs. Chan groans at that, hips bucking up involuntarily.

 As he busies himself with taking his shirt off properly, you start to press open mouthed kisses down his chest, tongue laving against the prominent lines of his stomach. You start sucking near the navel, leaving a big, deep purple hickey that contrasts heavily against his pale white skin.

 Chan hadn’t said anything since you started, but he was leaning back on his elbows, dark eyes following your every move. You felt the way his eyes followed the curve of your body as you adjusted to kneeling so you could move further down, making you shiver. It was almost like he was touching you with how intense his stare was. But his hands stayed at his sides, calm and waiting to strike.

 You knew that would change soon.

 There was already a noticeable bulge by the time you got down to his crotch, making you bite back a smile. You know Chan could feel your amusement because he uses his feet to tickle you at your side, making you laugh.

 “Get on with it, pretty.” His tone was playful, but his hooded eyes were saying otherwise.

 You listened obediently though, because at the end of the day, all you really wanted was to be good for Chan. All you wanted was to pleasure him, to make him feel good, to let him know that you wanted him to be happy. 

 And if a mindblowing orgasm from a morning wood blowjob was the way to success… well.

 You don’t waste any time in taking off his boxers, desperate to see the cock you loved. It wasn’t a secret that you were a bit of a cockslut, but it was technically Chan’s fault. When he slid his cock in you the first time and made you cum so hard you almost passed out, you were ruined for anybody else ever.

 You loved him inside you, loved him pounding so deep into you you felt the head of his cock in your cervix, and also loved him when he took it slow and let you feel every inch— every vein that lined along his fat cock. You loved when you were at his mercy.

 But you also loved when you had that same cock in your mouth, filling you all the way to your throat. You were guessing you had a bit of an oral fixation, since sometimes you craved the weight of it at random times of the day. You just wanted his cock in your mouth, and you knew Chan was more than happy to oblige.

 Chan’s sizeable cock slapped up against his stomach when you finally took away its confines, precum smearing against his skin. Chan’s fingers tighten against the sheets when you lean forward and kitten-licked that same precum off, his cock bumping against your cheek.

 “Baby,” he exhaled, brows furrowing. “Are you playing games right now?”

 “No,” you answer, but as soon as the word left your mouth, you flattened your tongue and licked a thick stripe up at the side of his cock, making Chan groan and throw his head back.

 You swirl your tongue around the angry purple tip of his cock, letting his precum coat your tongue. But you don’t swallow it, not yet. You let the liquids fall back onto his cock, using it as lubricant for your hand that comes up to stroke him. 

 Chan grunted, bucking up into the tight space of your hand as his head lolled forward. He watches you with lidded eyes, and you tilt your head so he could feel the hot exhale of your breath on his cock. Predictably, you felt it twitch.

 A hand comes to cup the back of your head, and you look up through your lashes to see Chan licking his lips and swallowing. 

 “Come on,” he urges, hand sliding down to tilt your head up. He slides his thumb into your mouth and your lips close around it immediately, sucking. Chan shudders. “Be good for me.”

 And you obey.

 As soon as Chan’s thumb slipped out of your mouth, you replaced it with his cock, tongue flattening as you took half of him in your mouth. Your lips stretched obscenely, Chan’s girth and length stretching your mouth to its limits. 

 But instead of deterring you, it only made you moan. You already felt so full even if you hadn’t taken his entire cock in your mouth yet, almost gagging when you felt the tip nudge the back of your throat. Your eyes flick up, watching as Chan’s jaw tightened, eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

 You bob your head up and down slowly, understanding that Chan was letting you take the lead. His hand stayed cupped at the back off your head, a reassuring constant as you did your best to breathe through your nose. 

 The slick sounds your mouth was making echoed along with Chan’s muttered curses in your quiet room, the only other sound being the traffic outside.

 “Shit. Shit,” Chan exhaled, chest heaving. He was always much more sensitive in the morning. “Your mouth, baby. That fucking mouth.”

 And much more noisier.

 “So good for me.” Chan whispers, voice rough and heated. He brushes the back of his hand against your hollowed cheeks, then cards his fingers through your hair so he could see your face properly. “Look at you, my cock in your mouth first thing in the morning. What a sight.”

 You moan at his words, and the vibrations that come from your throat make him twitch in your mouth. Chan refrains from bucking his hips, but he slips up sometimes when gets too lost in the pleasure. There’s an apology on his lips every time, but you shut him up quickly with a harsh suck to his throbbing cock.

 You know he’s close when the twitching gets more frequent and his thighs start tensing around your head, his hand going from tugging on your hair instead of just resting there. Chan gets quieter as well, his nasty praises trailing off to grunts and broken moans.

 Your jaw was aching, but the quiet gasps of your name spurs you on more than you’d like to admit. Because as much as you loved to be under Chan’s mercy, something about him losing his mind over your mouth and saying your name like it was his last prayer did things to you. The slick heat between your legs reminded you of it.

 His pleasure was your pleasure.

 You’re forcibly pulled off when Chan tugs your head back, and you’re just about to complain when Chan suddenly sits up and grabs his cock with his free hand, keeping the tip of it in your mouth. 

 “Look at me.” He hisses, and you obey immediately. 

 You look up at him through your lashes, suckling at the head of his cock as much as he let you. He jerks himself off quickly, using your spit as lube and groaning at the lewd sight of your lips wrapped around him and the feeling of your tongue insistently brushing against the underside of his cock.

 “I’m gonna cum, baby, shit-“ he grunts through gritted teeth, and you squirm as you watch his abs and arms flex with each movement. 

 Chan had his head thrown back now, sweat dripping down his throat and his pale skin reddening as he got closer and closer to his release. 

 “I’m gonna cum in this pretty mouth. This perfect mouth, only mine to use, hm? Just mine and mine alone, fuck- god, fuck!“

 You tug Chan’s hand away and swallow his cock down your mouth again as soon as the first spurt of his cum hits your tongue, making him flinch. 

He’s clearly torn between tugging your head away due to  the oversensitivity, or pushing his cock farther down your mouth. His hand flexes in your hair, unsure of what to do. 

 You decide for him.

 Your throat works against him, struggling to swallow his cum and keep his cock in your mouth at the same time. You were determined to milk his whole orgasm out of him, and you weren’t going to stop until he was dry and shaking. The moans Chan lets out this time are almost close to whimpers as he falls back against the mattress, hips bucking uselessly. 

 “Y/N,” he whines, gasping for breath, and you rub your hands up and down his hips to ground him. You clean him up slowly, aware that the oversensitivity must be bordering on pain now.

 Chan groans, arms coming up to hide his reddened face.  “Baby, enough, please. Come here, come up, I want a kiss. Please.”

 You bite back a smile as you pull off his cock, sucking one last hickey to his navel and reveling in his stuttered moan. You crawl up the bed slowly, kissing the exposed part of Chan’s chin; the only area that wasn’t covered by his arms.

 “Good?” You ask, sitting on his stomach now.

 “Good?” He squawks, disbelief written all over his face when he pulls his arms away. His face was still red, as well as the upper parts of his chest. “Good?! You- god, I can’t believe you. Come here, you little minx.”

 He growls, pulling you into a bruising kiss. Your hands come up to cup his cheeks again, moaning as he bit on your lips and sucked on your tongue like a starving man. Chan’s hands grope your breasts through your shirt, thumbing your slowly hardening nipples and making you squirm. 

 When he pulls away from the kiss and trails his lips down your neck, his hands move lower as well. He hooked his thumbs in your shorts, one second from pulling them down and having his way with you. But-

 Speaking of starving.

 “Channie,” you whine, stopping his hands. He freezes immediately, pulling back to look at you. Concern was written all over his face, and you would have cooed if you didn’t have more pressing matters at hand. 

 You frowned. “I’m really hungry.”

 Chan gapes at you, stunned. He blinks rapidly, eyes going from your frowning face to his hands by your shorts. “I- are you- do you not want me to return the favor? You just gave me the best orgasm of my life.”

 You snort, knowing he was exaggerating, but Chan looked dead serious. You roll your eyes then, locking your lips in a heated kiss again for a few seconds to satiate your needy boyfriend. You keep your forehead pressed together when you pull back slightly to look in his dazed eyes, still filled with want. 

 You drag the tip of your index finger across his lip, smirking. “I’ll make you a deal. If you put some food in my stomach, I promise I’ll let you fuck me six ways to sunday.” You grind down, making him hiss. “It’s been too long since you made me cry, no?”

 Chan’s eyes darkened. You licked your lips.

 But then, the next thing you know, the world was upside down, and you were being carried outside your bedroom over your boyfriend’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

 “Bang Chan!” You squeak, heart pounding wildly in your chest. “Put me down, you crazy idiot! What the hell are you doing!”

 “Putting some food in your stomach.” Chan replied simply, like that was the answer to all your questions. “No take backs.”

 You pause for a second, then find yourself laughing at the absurdity of the situation. Chan was still naked. You smack his ass repeatedly, making him yelp on the way to the kitchen. 

 “You’re insane.” You laugh as he finally sets you down on the kitchen counter, wrapping your arms around his neck when he squeezes himself in between your thighs.

 “You love me.” He giggles, looking too smug for your own liking. But then his face softens, and you blink in surprise when he presses a soft kiss to your lips,

 then your nose,

 then your forehead,

 then your lips again.

 “And I love you . More than anything.”

 It’s the softest kiss you’ve shared since you woke up, and that was saying something. You look up at Chan, dazed at the sudden switch of mood. He was looking at you tenderly, eyes twinkling as he smiled, dimples popping out.

 Your heart pounded in your chest again, beating so hard you felt like it was going to come out of you. You love him. You were so in love with Bang Chan that it hurt, and you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life in his arms, just like this. Always.

 “Now,” Chan grinned wide, stepping back as he clapped his hands twice. He was looking very determined, arms crossed and bulging over his chest as he looked around the kitchen. 

 Your eyes meet, and your breath catches in your throat when he smirks.

 “Time to fulfill my part of the deal so we can get on with yours.”

[joheunsaram]

To Make A Power Couple - 02 (knj)

Chapter 2 - Pizza and Life Chats

THIS IS A REPOST SINCE I LOST ACCESS TO MY OLD ACCOUNT. PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR UPDATES ON THIS SERIES.

previous | masterlist | next

Summary- Namjoon and Y/N go on their first date, and Namjoon is whipped.

word count- 5k

pairing- idol!namjoon x ceo!reader

rating- pg13 for now

genre- series, fluff, eventual smut, strangers2lovers

warnings- mentions of hangovers and panic attacks, tooth-rottingly fluffy

a.n- okay here’s the second part! I wrote this up fairly quickly (don’t expect this to be the norm!). This part I wanted to kind of address the stress of overworking as a young adult (GUILTY 🙋🏻‍♀️) so sorry if it gets a little serious at parts. I also wanted to switch it up so it’s from Namjoon’s perspective. I hope you enjoy it. SOFT JOON BEING A BIG OLD SOFTY.

Feedback much appreciated! 💕

taglist - @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​, @sassyuniversitytacopeanut

-

Namjoon woke up startled as his phone alarm rang. He was groggy and his splitting headache made him nauseous. “I’m never going to drink again”, he mumbled. He groaned as he got off the couch he had crashed on the night before, trying not to trip over Taehyung who seemed to be dozing happily on the floor as he made his way to his room. He hadn’t stayed at the dorms in a while, preferring the quiet solitary of his own apartment nowadays, and with his hangover in full swing he felt like he was walking through a stranger’s house.

Last month was hell. He had procrastinated on his songs and none of the vocal guides were even halfway done before the due date. Every time he tried to finish a song a new one would pop up in his head and he would start on that, leading to a hard drive full of files labelled “finish soon” and “draft”, and a notebook full of scratched out scribbles. It was like his brain had decided to abandon him, deciding it had had enough of his perpetual melancholy. He had felt drained and burnt out, a husk with no creative juices left. Luckily, Yoongi and a few of the producers had taken pity on his stressed out state and lent a hand so he had been able to finish the bare minimum three days ago - before the label pressured him further. He was never more grateful for a small break.

In all honesty, he needed a way to jumpstart his brain, and get out of the routine of home, practice, meetings, studio, home. Sometimes, he almost wished he didn’t have the success he had so he could go out and let loose a little - a club, a party, anything. But the last time he went somewhere like that he got swarmed and the police had to be involved. He couldn’t risk that, not after the trouble Big Hit went to threaten media outlets a year and a half ago, when he was caught with what they called a hickey, but was actually a stress rash.

As he brushed his teeth today, however, he smiled at the mirror. Last month may have been terrible, but last night was one of the best he’d had in the past year.

When he had heard Bang PD’s team talk about how they were attending the charity gala as he met them for notes on his songs, he was intrigued. He had read about this non-profit in the paper before. They seemed to be helping bridge the gap between people through communication and that spoke to him. So much so that he had scrolled through their website multiple times, reading testimonials and almost memorizing the mission statement. They wanted to help kids learn English for free so they could communicate globally. He really liked the idea. It was hard for him to learn the language as a kid and he knew that the only reason he became as fluent as he is from the tutors his parents paid for and his obsession with American television and music. Although he didn’t need the tutoring anymore, he did enjoy talking to the in-house tutor at the company, John, from time to time and improving his skills. The fact that this company wanted to add a John to every school in Korea starting from the rural areas, made Namjoon want to meet the man behind the movement. Little did he know, he’d be meeting the girl who’d shift his idea of the ideal.

He had never been more glad to have convinced his company to let him and the boys attend an event. He had initially suggested it as a way to break the mundane before their comeback practices started and network while supporting a cause he liked. Two days ago, he wouldn’t have guessed it would have been an actual fun night leading to him nursing a headache.

He spent the next hour reliving last night as he showered and caught up on the news. He also read the messages he sent last night over a hundred times and had butterflies each time. Wasn’t he too old for butterflies? He wanted to message you again but every time he tried, he ended up overthinking it. Everything sounded forced or cheesy, and it was worse than any writer’s block. He threw his phone on the bed in frustration watching it bounce and land on the floor, before he grabbed it and pocketed it. Hopping around to get rid of his nerves, he decided to take a break from rereading the thread he already had memorized and check in with everyone. If his hangover was this bad he couldn’t imagine theirs.

Making his way back to the living room he found Taehyung now sitting on the floor, sleep still very evident on his features as he yawned and groaned. On the couch next to him sat Yoongi, holding an iced americano and staring into space. The rest were missing but he could hear a blender annoyingly whizzing in the kitchen.

“How’re you guys feeling this morning?” He asked as he sat across from Yoongi.

“This is why I don’t drink. Why did no one stop me?” Taehyung whined as he rose from the floor to leave, massaging his head.

“We tried. You were very excited to try all the disgustingly sweet drinks the hot bartender was making for you.” Yoongi replied with a sigh. “How was your date, Namjoon? You glad I forced you to go to the bar to talk to her?” he snickered, sipping his coffee before exhaling loudly in contentment.

“Honestly, I owe you big time. She was… amazing. I don’t think I’ve talked to someone that comfortably in a while” Namjoon sighed wistfully.

“I’ll add cupid to my resume,” he deadpanned. “Is she tolerating you for another date?”

“Yeah. We’re getting dinner on Tuesday, but I want to message her now. Argh!” He ran his hands over his face in frustration. “What do I even say? ‘Hi I’m the guy who was too scared to kiss you all night so you had to do it for him, what’s your favourite colour?’” Namjoon was annoyed at himself. It’s bad enough that he was having writer’s block in his music, did he have to have it for something as simple as texting too? This was ridiculous!

“Or you could just ask her how’s her hangover today. Jeez! Do I have to draft each of your messages? Stop being a dumbass and text the person you like.” Yoongi scoffed, clearly over Namjoon’s sudden and uncharacteristic insecurities.

Namjoon gave a resigned sigh as he reached for his phone and wrote out exactly what Yoongi suggested. Hey, he was his hyung for a reason - he had a full 6 months of life experience on him.

Namjoon: Hey! Hope your hangover is not too bad today.

As soon as the message was sent, he started getting nervous. Tapping his foot incessantly while he stared at his phone, willing it to buzz, annoying Yoongi enough to leave him alone on the couch in the process.

Y/N: Hi to you too! I actually don’t get hangovers so I’m doing great lol. What about you?

Namjoon: What do you mean you don’t get hangovers?

Y/N: I don’t know. Can’t get dehydrated if you’re always dehydrated!

Namjoon: That… makes no sense. Do I need to start reminding you to drink water?

Y/N: Only if you’re better than this app on my phone…

Namjoon: I can guarantee you I’m better than any app on this planet.

Y/N: Wow. Big claims! We’ll have to put it to the test I suppose.

Y/N: You never told me how you’re feeling. Oh and how’s Taehyung? Is he okay?

Namjoon: He’s doing fine. Made a pact to never drink again and if i’m being honest, I’m going to join him. I am shocked that your head is not exploding as well.

The messages continued easily after that, filled with updates of each other’s activities, playful flirting and even photos of dinner. By the time Monday rolled around, you had been messaging each other constantly, with no end to the conversation in sight and the only long pauses being when you were both asleep or working. It seemed like you would never run out things to talk about. Namjoon hadn’t messaged someone this frequently since he got out of his last relationship. It felt nice to relay his mundane day to day events to someone and he found himself excited to hear about your mundane, like how you decided to mix two different types of bad coffee blends to make a shockingly worse one. He was surprised again at how fast he felt comfortable around you. It was even starting to scare him a little - he only knew you for three days and it felt like he had known you forever! What was this weird spell you had on him?

The conversation Monday, however, was fairly sparse, and Namjoon was eager to set up plans for the next day, so that night he decided to call you.

After the first three rings, he was overthinking his decision. Maybe it was too soon to call? Maybe you didn’t like talking on the phone? What if it went to voicemail? Would he have to leave a message? What would he say? His inner monologue was quickly halted at the sound of your voice.

“Hello, this is Y/N” you sounded distant, almost too formal. He felt nervous.

“Hi… uh… this is Namjoon. Is this a bad time?”

“Oh Namjoon! Sorry I didn’t check who called when I picked up!” Relief washed over him at the change of your tone. “Sorry one sec can you hold on.” he heard you say as your voice got mumbled. He waited while he heard you talk to someone about proposals and deadlines. Were you still at work? He checked his watch - it was 10 pm. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by your work ethic or worried that you were overworking.

“Hi sorry about that! How are you?” He relaxed at your airy tone and smiled.

“I’m good. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah it’s only like 7 so it’s no big deal. I usually leave around 8” Were you serious?

“Y/N… It’s 10:04…” He was shocked at how nonchalant you sounded, and suddenly he had his answer - he was worried, not impressed. He had known you for three days and already you were setting his caretaker alarm off. He wanted to scold you for being careless and overworking, like he’s used to doing for the boys, but he knew it was too soon. He doesn’t even know why he’s feeling that way all of a sudden and tried to suppress his protective instincts.

“No it’s not! It’s…” He could hear your voice going further away as he imagined you moving the phone in front of you to check the time. “Oh shit you’re right. What the hell? Okay sorry I’m gonna put you on hold again.” Before he could say anything he heard your voice again, distant again but loud. “Oh my god. Guys, it’s 10pm. Go home! Why did nobody tell me? No it doesn’t matter we can do that tomorrow. Please go home. Pack up now! You too Siwon, don’t worry I’ll go home after I get off the phone. See you!” He smiled at the sternness of your tone - it reminded him of a teacher dismissing class.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I overworked my team. Had to send the troops home” you laughed and Namjoon felt his heart flutter.

“I don’t wanna keep you from going home. I can call you back once you get there,” he offered. He felt bad that you were staying in an empty office on his account.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It was a lie to get Siwon off my back. I’m probably gonna be here till like 1 or something. I still have to get this done” you said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He knew that tone fairly well, having used it multiple times himself when he locked himself in his studio, running on nothing but coffee and energy bars.

“Okay I know we’ve only just met and we have our first date tomorrow, but do you want some company?” He asked before he could stop himself. The line was silent for a bit, and he felt self conscious, scared that he had overstepped and driven you away. Before he could check his phone to see if you had hung up you spoke.

“It’d be pretty boring for you to watch me just type away. Are you sure? It’s pretty late.” He was sure his cheeks would hurt from how wide he smiled.

“It’s not a problem at all. I was going to work tonight too.” He wasn’t. “We can just work together. I’ll bring food. Did you eat yet?” his words tumbled over each other.

“How very college of you.” He could hear you giggling on the line. “Now that I think about it - I’m starving.”

“Okay text me the address, I’ll be there soon.”

He had never been this excited to pretend to work.

He spotted you as he walked through the doors of the 13th floor, pepperoni pizza in hand. You were sitting at a long desk near the middle of the room. He was surprised as he expected you in an office, but he found you typing away at your desktop. Your hair was tied up in a bun and you were dressed in an oversized beige t-shirt, eyebrows furrowed head bopping to the hip hop track playing through the speakers. You seemed to be in your own little world. He felt like he was spying on you as he leaned against the door watching but he also liked seeing how you acted when you thought no one was watching. He was about to announce his presence when the track changed to a Childish Gambino one and you whooped and started to rap along.

You were now fully head banging and rapping the verse at the top of your lungs. He would be impressed by your fairly good amateur skills if he didn’t find the entire scene so endearing. His heart was doing somersaults as he watched you now fully engrossed in the song, typing forgotten as you got up and started to pretend you were on stage, an imaginary mic in your hand asking haters if they “eatin’ though”. You looked so adorable that he couldn’t help but squeal a little “cute!”

That’s when you saw him, eyes wide. He felt a little bad when he saw how embarrassed you looked, immediately stopping and slapping a hand to your mouth before bursting out in nervous laughter. He could write a whole album with that laugh. Oh he was so whipped, he thought to himself as he made his way to you.

“You know you’re not half bad!” He exclaimed as he set the pizza on the table, pulling a chair next to yours and settling down.

“Do you think your fake compliments will save you from the fact that you were spying on me?” you asked, crossing your hands across your chest, pretending to scowl but failing to do so.

“First, real compliment. Second, would pizza save me?” He opened the box and proudly smiled, loving the way your eyes lit up as you reached for a slice.

“Yes it will!” you exclaimed as you took your first bite, lightly moaning at the taste. “But erase that memory from your brain please.”

“Nope. Never. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to save it forever” he said as he also started on his slice. You pouted up at him, cheeks puffed and it took all the self-control he had to not kiss it off your face. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, it was like you were his first crush. Trying to control his pulse, he asked “What are you working on so late?”

“Oh I have a proposal due for a meeting tomorrow at noon and I’m only halfway through it,” you frowned wistfully at the screen as if willing it to type on its own.

“Can I help?” He asked, knowing fully well that he couldn’t. He just had an overwhelming urge to make that frown disappear.

“You being here is help enough,” you smiled sincerely as you looked at him and he felt his heart explode, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he smiled bashfully. “What are you working on?”

“I have a few songs I have to finish the lyrics for. Been procrastinating” he rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out the notebook from his back pocket.

“Can I help?” you echoed his question to which he echoed your response grinning. He wasn’t lying though. Even though he had planned to not really work, as the night progressed he found the change from his usual writing spot inspiring. Sitting next to you, the sound of the keyboard clicking was soothing leading to words pouring out of him. He filled pages as he stole glances at you concentrating on your proposal, tongue peeking from between your lips, still bobbing to the music which was now playing from your airpods instead of the speakers. He smiled at the sight, before focusing on his notebook.

After about an hour or so of hard work, he finished three songs that he had allotted himself the whole week to do. This was the most productive hour he had all month. Antsy for a break, he looked over at you and found you staring at him, a hand under your chin. As he met your gaze you smiled.

“You’re really hot when you concentrate. Has anyone ever told you that?” you commented. He was taken aback by your remark, heart fluttering at your smirking face. Not missing his chance and spurred on by the comment, he scooted closer in one sweep till your knees touched and you were face to face.

“You’re one to talk. I couldn’t stop looking at you this past hour.” Gazing into your eyes, he was amused to see your smirk disappear as it was now your turn to be shocked. He reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear letting his hand linger, enjoying the way you sighed as he did. “Can I make good on my promise now?” He whispered, his face centimeters away, looking at your lips. The way you bit your lower lip made him want to take you there and then. The desk looked big enough. Hell, even if it wasn’t he could make it work.

“Promise?” you whispered as he watched your eyes flutter to his lips.

“To kiss you first…” Too impatient to wait for your answer, he brought his lips to yours, relishing how soft they felt under his own. He was thrilled at you returning the kiss, deepening it as you grabbed the collar of his shirt to bring him closer just like you did after the party. He was beginning to think this was your signature move, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t immensely turn him on. He moved his hand cupping your face to rest on your neck and he could feel your heartbeat mimicking his. He put his other hand around your waist pulling you closer, wanting to be as close to you as he could get. He traced his tongue over your lips, his head cloudy with endorphins as you opened your mouth inviting him in. He had never tasted something so euphoric, his tongue exploring yours in a rush.

He could feel you pushing forward as he leaned back and allowed you to straddle his lap, your legs on either side of the chair. As soon as you were on his lap, he pulled you closer, both arms around on your hips, your chest flushed with his. He kissed the side of your mouth as he made his way down your jaw to your neck. You smelt like vanilla mixed with a fresh flower garden, and he was sure this smell was better than any drug in the world. He could hear your breathy moans as he sucked where your neck met your collarbone, licking to soothe it before moving further. He wanted to taste all of you. Your hands were in his hair and each tug made him groan into you, making him harder. He could kiss you like this forever. He wanted to save this moment so he could come back to it and relive it. He traced his hands up and down your sides, moving under your shirt but remaining on your waist, enjoying the feel of your soft skin.

“Namjoon… Namjoon… slow down” he heard you say breathlessly as he felt a slight push. He looked up at you, your eyes half lidded and lusty as you grabbed his face and brought it to yours. You were sending him mixed signals, but he didn’t care as long as he could keep kissing you.

“We have to slow down or I’m going to want to fuck you right here.” You whined as you both came back up for air, but you kissed him again nevertheless. Hearing you say that made him want to do anything in his power to make that happen.

“I don’t mind, baby,” he said against your lips, kissing you with urgency, biting your lower lip and pulling it gently to elicit another moan from you. To his disappointment, you seemed to have better self-control than him as you pushed him back, both of you panting as you struggled to catch your breath. He moved his hand back to your hips tracing little circles, feeling comforted by you smoothing his hair you had pulled earlier.

“There are cameras here. I’d rather not make a sex tape on our first date.” You giggled as you pointed to the black sphere in the corner of the room. He had never hated the obsession buildings had for security more, but the crudeness of your comment made him laugh. He had almost forgotten this was your first date, it felt like he had kissed you a thousand times before. You tasted like the relief of an awning in the middle of a summer downpour.

“I think we need to cool down,” you say as you climb off of his lap. “Let’s go.”

He followed you as you led him to the little kitchenette near the end of the room, unable to resist the urge to wrap his hands around your waist in a back hug. He knew he was being too clingy for a first date, but the way you giggled and put your hands over his gave him assurance.

“Lemonade, coke, or water,” you asked as you peered into the fridge.

“You.” He smirked kissing your neck, feeling bold off of the high from your makeout session.

“Joon!” you pretended to sound scandalized as you turned in his arms, smiling warmly. The nickname made his heart swell. It added a familiarity that he didn’t know he missed from you.

“You haven’t called me Joon before. I like it” he smiled as he pecked your lips.

“Hey! We are cooling down! No kissing! Now pick” you chided and Namjoon couldn’t help but wonder if you were this assertive in bed too, a million scenarios playing in his head. Okay, you were right, he needed to cool down.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” he said as he grabbed the bottle you passed him, opening and gulping half of it. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was for something other than you. You both made your way to the tables, sitting across from each other.

“So did you finish your proposal?” He asked trying to cool himself but failing as he noticed you running the cold water bottle against your neck, the beads of condensation dripping on your shirt. He cleared his throat as he tried to focus his attention on your eyes, a mantra of stay focused playing in his head.

“Yes! Finally! It’s perfect.” you smiled proudly and somehow he felt a wave of pride too. “What about you? Made any progress?”

“Actually yes. I kind of finished my entire week’s writing in that one hour” he was still amazed by his own progress.

“Okay, Mr Overachiever” you joked and he chuckled.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything, but I don’t know your presence is kind of soothing. It helped me focus.” Watching your smile grow wide, he continued, “I’ve been having pretty severe burnout this past month and it has just been hard to put down my thoughts, even non-lyrical ones.” He fidgeted with the water bottle as he looked at it, avoiding eye contact.

He didn’t know why he was telling you this. He recalled when he told you about his struggles as a leader during your first conversation. Somehow being around you led him to vomit out his feelings. It was… unlike him. Namjoon was usually not this honest on dates, or relationships, as much as he would hate to admit it. That’s the reason he broke off his last one. He felt bad lying to her about a busy schedule when he just wanted to be alone. She would have understood, she was kind and thoughtful, but it just felt easier to lie and not put the effort in to explain his thoughts. Even when they broke up, he lied and told her that it was because he couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment, when in reality things had cooled off a while ago and he felt guilty as his feelings faded.

He felt your hand reach out and grab one of his, intertwining your fingers. He felt comforted by the gesture as you rubbed your thumb across him before you spoke two words that warmed his heart. “I understand.”

“You know it’s hard to work at full speed all the time. It’s okay to not be at a hundred all the time. The valleys feed the peaks” you continued. It was a simple remark, but it sounded surprisingly poetic to him. He hadn’t felt this understood outside of the boys for a long time. It was refreshing. It was terrifying. He resisted his natural urge to run and hide.

“Are you speaking from experience?” he asked, needing to divert the attention away from his own vulnerabilities.

“Yeah. I had it pretty tough a couple of years ago. Too much pressure from myself, too many expectations. Led to too many vices and panic attacks” you shrugged as you continued and he squeezed your hand to comfort you. “It creeps up from time to time but my therapist and I have it handled” He looked at you in awe. You hadn’t given him a throwaway answer or switched the limelight back at him. You wasted no time in being as vulnerable as him, if not more. He knew at that moment that regardless of where this thing went, he wanted you to know you better.

“Thank you for being honest.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it gently. It was an intimate gesture but he wanted you to know how much he appreciated your words - how much he appreciated you - in that moment. You both sat in comfortable silence for a little while, playing with each other’s hands that were still intertwined, till one of you yawned loudly causing the other to giggle. With the weight of the conversation lifting, you both fell back into playful banter as you decided to pack up and call it a night.

“Do you want me to walk you to your car?” Namjoon asked, wanting to drag the night on longer despite it already being almost 2 am.

“Don’t judge me but I actually don’t know how to drive. I was just going to cab back.” he saw you giggle bashfully as you pulled your backpack over your shoulders.

“Oh, no judgment here! Me neither” he laughed. Why does everyone think it is such a big deal to not drive? It’s better for the environment! “Do you want to take one together? I don’t really want you to ride alone this late.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he didn’t come off as if he was trying to dictate what you did.

“I’d really like that,” you said as you walked towards the elevators. He held your hand as you both got on, liking the way you moved closer to him at that.

In the cab you both sat closer than necessary, his arm wrapped around you as you both made plans for your scheduled date later that day, trying not to doze off. When the cab stopped all too soon at your apartment, he kissed you gently as he told you how much he enjoyed your company.

That night laying in bed, his heart felt full as he read your goodnight message. He was sure of it now. He really wanted you in his life.

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[spookysmujer]

Family is Forever, O. Diaz

Summary: The past comes to haunt  you and your family with Oscar.

warnings: angst, domestic!Oscar, swearing,physical abuse, attempt sexual abuse, child endangerment

word count: 4.8K

requested by @alliemariee15

a/n: Thank you for requesting and being so patient! This sweetheart requested this a month ago and has been nothing but understanding, so thank you so much! I went harder than I intended to with this, hehe. Also big thank to everyone as I’ve hit 1K followers!!! Please don’t forget to follow this blog, heart/like/reblog my content as well as leave some comments, pretty please :) Also turn on the notifs for when I post something new!

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss @firebenderwolf @spookysnena @princesstiffxoxo @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98 @multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc (please let me know if you wanna be added or removed!)

(gif belongs to @merakiaes 🌟)

A life long dream of yours since freshmen year in high school was to move somewhere along the East Coast and for sometime that was the goal that you were working hard towards. 

And then Oscar Diaz happened. It was sophomore year when he ‘claimed’ you. You weren’t so into him as much as he was into you but he never stopped trying to get you and by some twisted fate of luck, he got you. Not long after officially dating, you got pregnant with your son, Abel. It didn’t matter that you were only 16 or the fact that Oscar had joined a gang. You two made it work.

That was 6 years ago, your son has grown into a very intelligent little boy. He is a carbon copy of his dad at that age, his thick black locks that are curled on top of his head has to be your favorite feature of his. You hadn’t got to see Oscar with hair like so since he’d already been sporting the shaved cholo look from when you two began dating. 

A lot has happened over those 6 years. Both good and bad. 

It was only a few weeks into summer after graduating high school that Oscar was arrested for drug possession. It completely wrecked you. At that point it seemed obvious that he would be the one you’d spend the rest of your life with. All that seemed to shift on the night when the police knocked on the door. The loud, echoing pounding and a 2 year-old Abel seemingly frightened. 

When Oscar opened the door he didn’t try to resist arrest for he knew this day would come. You held your son close to your chest as he called out for his papa.

You took him to visit Oscar whenever he’d ask and let him talk on the phone with him every chance you got. Nothing could get between you and your family, not even prison. And when he was released after 4 long years, the heavens rejoiced and so did the two of you. With lots of rolling in the sheets. 

That’s why you’re now in a PartyCity store looking for the right unicorn balloons for your soon-to-be 4 year old daughter’s upcoming birthday. When you found out you were pregnant again only 2 weeks after Oscar had been released, the both of you laughed, not surprised one bit. It was no secret that you wanted more kids together so it was fate to add a little girl, whom you named Ella, to the mix.

“Ma, can we go now? We been here forever.” Abel sighs as you make another round in the same isle you were in just a few minutes ago.

The corners of your lips lift as you know he has your patience, which is zero to none. He’s been a champ for most of the morning but once you had been running back and forth between stores, he began to lose his patience quickly.

Your daughter sports a mean muggin’ face, much like her father.  “I wan mah balloons!” She is standing in the cart, staring at her brother. The look of ‘I am going to get my way’. Abel only rolls his eyes and groans as she turns to sit in the cart and look at which balloons she wants.

“Cute kids.”

A voice sounds from in front of you, you smile and turn to thank the stranger but you are met with no stranger. A very familiar face. One that put you through hell, one that definitely was not suppose to be within a 100 feet of you. 

When Oscar was in prison you were absolutely loyal to him. Not once did you lose faith in your relationship. Even when you had your hardships such as the times Oscar got doubtful that he would never get out, he’d ask you to move on. Though it was never a thought at all. You share a child together, you’re bonded for life.

But to the streets if your man is serving time then you’re fair game. That’s just how they ran things but to hell if you were gonna let that happen. That never stopped other dudes trying to get with you. And there was one particular one that never stopped trying, Tomas. He became obsessive with you. He wanted you, he wanted to be the man that Oscar couldn’t be for you at that moment. But you never gave in because for you Oscar was it.

“What are you doing here? You know the obligations of your restraining order.” The calmness in your voice shows no fear but you know the lengths he’d go when it comes to you.

Tomas only chuckles to himself as he digs his hands in his pockets, “That expired this morning at 10. But I’m just visiting some homies, ain’t know you’d be here.”

You watch him intently as pull your son closer to you. Thankfully Ella has her back to you so you could have a hold on her should he try anything, “Yeah well, I don’t want nothing to do with you so I think it’s best if you just go on about your day and your life far away from here. Oscar has been out for a while now so I wouldn’t be so stupid and try something.”

He takes a few steps forward which makes you automatically step back, one hand locked on your son’s shoulder and the other on the shopping cart. “Calmate, I’m just passing through, preciosa.” A chill runs down your spine as he caresses your face with the back of his finger making you flinch.

Abel grabs onto you and holds you tightly as Ella watches the man stand close to you, “Mama, who is this?” She asks excitedly as she pulls herself up from sitting. You look to him and her as he turns towards your little girl.

“Hi, I’m Tomas, a friend of your mom’s. And who are you?” Your heart rate is increasing, your nerves are scattered all over the place, worried something may happen. Your daughter’s curiosity has worried you since she could talk.

She smiles as he waits for her answer, “Ella, it’s my birthday soon! I’ll be this much!” Ella holds up 4 little fingers and covers her mouth with her other hand, laughing due to Tomas’ pretend shocked expression.

“I have to go. Please stay away from me and my family.” You hoist your son into the cart, despite his protests that he can walk. You step back quickly and spin the cart around.

Ella is complaining that you didn’t get all the balloons but you hush her. After checking out you ask a worker to escort you out. He kindly helps you load your car as you get your kids in.

“Answer, answer, answer.”

You’re chanting quietly to yourself as you pull out of the parking lot to head home. Your heart is thudding in your chest like wildfire, you need to hear Oscar’s voice, even if he says he is busy you just want to have his calming voice soothe you.

A few rings in, “Hola, mamas. Where are you?” 

You slump back into the seat, his voice on the sound system has an instant effect on you. You exhale a deep breath, “Papa, it’s me! I miss yew!”

Ella shouts and you smile as you hear Oscar laugh, always so happy to hear their voices, “Mija! I miss you and your mano, where are you guys?”

“We just leave the store! I meet mama’s man friend.” You quickly shush your daughter and hang up the phone call. You can’t be mad at her because it’s not like she knows better or the fact that you forgot to tell to your kids not to mention seeing Tomas to their dad.

She whines that you ended the phone call, “Babygirl, you can’t tell daddy about that man, okay?” You look in the rearview mirror to get a look at her as she has her arms crossed over her chest and gaze away from you. “Mija, look at mommy please.”

When she finally does take a look at you, she keeps her lil Spooky face on, “That was mean and papa will be mad you did that.” 

“I know, I shouldn’t have done that. Just don’t talk about that friend we saw because then daddy will be really mad at mommy. Please?”

Ella’s features soften a bit and turns happy when you tell her that you’ll stop to get ice cream on the way back home. Both kids cheer with happiness as you pull into McDonald's drive thru. 

Oscar has sent some texts asking about the abrupt end to the call and what Ella was going on about, but you made up the excuse that there was terrible reception and that she has been spilling nonsense since this morning. He brushes it off and you sigh in victory.

You finally get home, very weary of your surroundings though you don’t think Tomas would be so naive to try anything knowing you were with the Santos leader. Oscar gets home not long after you, thankfully he didn’t bring up the phone call and you went about your night.

“Com’n son, time to bathe. Vamanos.” Oscar calls out from the hallway. Abel stands but moves slowly from the living room, so focused on the big screen, “Abel!” Your son scurries off. He is always last to shower because he is so glued the TV all the time.He has learned what comes next if there is a 3rd time being called. “Coming!”

The stress of Ella’s birthday is taking a toll on you because she is a very specific little girl and the slightest detail on a decoration will have her stomping her feet and pouting her lip for days. You’re definitely raising a perfectionist. 

Oscar stands in front of the bathroom mirror as he uses a razor to clean up his facial hair as well as to keep an eye on Abel who loves to let the bath get too bubbly or he’ll doze off and considering it’s nearly 10 PM, it’s a possibility. 

“How was shopping with Mama today?” Oscar asks as he zeroes in on getting a clean cut. Abel doesn’t answer right away as he ponders telling Oscar about his whole day or skipping on the part about meeting Tomas and how you were not so happy about it.

With Abel as the older child he is more aware. Unlike Ella who couldn’t pick up on the unsettling feeling Tomas had given off, Abel knew that this man was trouble. And his dad always taught him to protect his family. Family is forever and is the most important thing. Always to protect his family if his dad couldn’t.

“It was okay. Ella was whining, papa. She didn’t like the balloons mama picked out at one store so we had to go to a whole other store! I was tired of looking at pink and purple unicorns. Then that man that came up to us was..” 

Abel stopped talking as he realizes he let it slip out. And Oscar heard him loud and clear. He waits for Abel to continue talking but nothing comes from behind the shower curtain. Abel begins to cry, scared that he’ll get you in trouble. Oscar opens the shower curtain to see his son with his knees to his chest, sobbing.

Meanwhile, you are oblivious to what is happening. Your son keeps his face hidden as Oscar reaches to turn off the flowing water and sits on the side of the tub, watching his son. What is he afraid of saying that is making him this anxious?

“Abel Cesar Diaz, what’s going on? Hm?” Oscar taps his sons knee and the big, dark orbs that resemble his father’s peer up. Oscar can be the typical Hispanic father that tends to be disciplinary but he has learned that talking helps a lot as well.

So Abel explains to his dad what happened at the store with your friend. About how you didn’t look like you wanted him around and how scared you seemed. He explained how the man looked at you and how he didn’t think he was good news.

The veins on Oscar’s neck and forehead begins to bulge the more his son explained about Tomas. Oscar is aware of who he is. When he was in Corcoran his homies always kept him up to date of the streets. And it upset him when he had to hear about this pendejo from the Santos rather than from you. But after you two had a heated conversation over the phone, your next visit you explained. And when Tomas kept persisting you, you finally had a restraining order and more protection from the Santos until Oscar got out.

Oscar comforts his son and tells him that he isn’t upset with him. “Hey, you protected your mom, so you did your part and I am proud of you.” He helps him get dried off and ready for bed. After tucking his son in, he checks on Ella who is softly snoring on her bed. He smiles that she has finally gotten use to sleeping alone. He closes their bedroom door and stands in the hall for a moment, sighing and wiping the tiredness from his eyes, making his way to you.

You’re hunched over the table looking over a tablet that carries the plans for the birthday party as well as thanksgiving since that’ll be in a month. “Want a beer?” You ask Oscar as he sits across from you but he waves you off.

“Tell me about that stunt Tomas pulled today.” 

Your eyes meet his and you freeze for a moment. Your chest is rising and falling as you try to figure out something to say, “He ran into us at the store. I told him to leave me alone and that’s all that happened. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just..”

Oscar’s jaw clenches as you stare at him, your heart skipping each beat the longer he stares and doesn’t say anything. “And you didn’t tell me again because? Had to hear from Abel. Again, Y/N? Someone is bothering you, you tell me. You let me handle that shit. That’s why our call suddenly ended? Making the kids fuckin’ lie to me too?”

His anger is beginning to bubble over. You take slow breaths to keep your temper under control. With the past couple days you’ve been having, you had no energy to start arguing back. “I never told them to lie, I asked them to not mention it. It’s not lying, technically..”

“Oh, don’t give me that shit. Don’t be technical with me, that puto should know better than to be approaching you and even my own son could feel how much he bothered you. It’s a good thing I’m raising my son right to protect his mama.” Oscar stands and paces the kitchen.

“Babe, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you..again. I had no idea that he would be there, you think if I knew that I would have went out today?” 

Oscar leans against the counter, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, “I don’t know why I didn’t hear anything from the compas. Everyone knows, including him, he got a target on his head for what he did. This is why I tell you carry that gun in your purse. My kids were there. And I love you to the fuckin’ end, amor... but had something happened to one of them, a bullet would be in your fuckin’ head.”

He leaves you in the kitchen by yourself and you’re shocked at his words. Oscar has been a dad since he was a teenager, since the two of you met. You knew the lengths he’d go for Cesar, but for his kids? He’d take out anyone including you as he stated. You let out a shaky breath. 

You decide to give him sometime alone. He’s the most upset you’ve ever seen him and he is rightfully so but you weren’t sure how to fix it. You do what you think any man cannot resist, seducing them. At least this way you can ease into him forgiving you.

But when you enter your shared bedroom he is tucking his two kids in on your bed. You quirk your eyebrows up in confusion. Did he know you well enough that you’d use seduction to get his forgiveness? Oscar turns to see you standing in the doorway, “Why are the kids in here?”

“Heading out, I want them by you while I’m out.” He is shuffling around the room gathering things. The usual: keys, phone, wallet, gun, extra mag. You watch him as he looks to you, “Where exactly are you going, Oscar?” 

He breathes out through his nose and that’s enough for you to know. You don’t open your mouth to bicker as he is standing in front of you now, looking down at you with eyebrows creased together, “He ain’t getting near you or my kids again. Don’t leave the house or room, lock the bedroom door and don’t unlock it til I call you.”

Oscar steps away but stops to turn and pull your face towards his.He presses his lips to yours. You melt into it instantly, your hands grasping his forearms. The kiss deepening for a moment as your hands move up to cup his face. When he pulls back you are breathless. Craving more.

Then he is gone.

The house is quiet as you lay awake waiting for your boyfriend to return. Your fingers running through your son’s hair. Something you love to do and Abel loves you doing it too. Ella not so much though. She’s a verbal lover rather than a physical lover, the thought making you chuckle. How different your two kids are.

You’re pulled from your thoughts as you hear some shuffling from the living room, grabbing your phone you wait for it to ring with Oscar’s name but it never does. So you call out to him, “Babe?”

When you get no response you climb out of bed and quietly tip toe towards the bedroom door to get a better listen, maybe he is testing you to see if you’d listen to what he said about not unlocking the door until he calls. 

The buzzing of your phone pulls your attention and you see Oscar’s name pop up with the cutest picture of him and the two kids. You sigh in relief, unlocking the door and stepping out to an empty hallway.

“Oscar?” You call out and switch on the light but he isn’t there. You click the answer button and bring the phone to your ear. “Babe?”

“Hey, this puto is hiding, still nothing just checking on you. The kids still asleep?” When the words leave his lips, you close your eyes and feel a tear slide down your cheek. When you open them, Tomas is standing at the end of the hall, leaning against the wall watching you.

You hold the phone to your ear as you watch him put a single finger close to his lips signaling to be quiet about his presence. You could tell Oscar about him, then you could run to the room and lock the door. Quickly hide the kids in the bathroom for their safety and tell Abel to call his dad because so long as your kids are safe that’s all that matters. But what if he is quicker than you? What if he goes straight for the kids?

“Snoring like bears per usual. We’re okay, just be safe and Oscar?” You pause for a moment as Tomas gives you sickening, sinister look stalking towards you until he is standing right in front of you, his hands brushing against your exposed waist as you’re in a crop top. “Si?” Oscar answers you.

Tomas’ hands grab your chin and lifts it for you to look up at him, “When you find him, put a bullet right between his fucking eyes.” Tomas smiles and swipes his thumb on your lower lip, making you flinch.

Oscar chuckles, “You’re turning me on, mamas. Not much of him will be left. I’ll see you soon, te quiero.”

“Te quiero.” You say in a whisper as the line cuts. You try to step back but Tomas is quick, as you suspect he might be. He grabs ahold of the back of your head and into your hair. He pulls it back roughly with his body now pressed against you. “You have no idea how much I still want you. I think of you every single night. I remember how close you were to giving it to me. Hm.. you remember how badly you wanted me?”

You want to throw up, the feeling of him against you and his words makes you feel repulsed. His grip is iron-like and he is not letting up not until he gets what he wants and it’s obvious he wants you.

“P-please. M-my kids, let me close the door. Just let me at least close it.” Your bottom lip is trembling uncontrollably and the tears have been spilling over since the phone call with Oscar ended. He analyzes you. Are you trying to make an escape? He walks forward, pushing you back towards the bedroom door. And with his free hand reaches back to close the bedroom door, you look over shoulder at your sleeping kids as the door closes. Sending a little prayer for their safety.

He grabs your face and plant a sloppy kiss on your lips. You drown under him, not knowing how to win in this situation.

“So what do you do now?” 

Oscar voice causes his chest to vibrate which is right up against yours. He has your arms pinned under his, “Hm, I kiss you to distract you!” You tilt your head upwards to plant a chaste kiss on his lip. He smiles into the kiss and pulls his head back, “You gonna be kissing random dudes who run up on you, hm?”

You can’t help but laugh as he gives you a mischievous look. “Well if it works for me to distract them long enough, then yes!” Oscar rolls his eyes and nods his head to proceed with his defense lesson since you weren’t so keen on firearms, he’s teaching you physical defense.

“Fine, fine. So let’s say the kiss does distract the perp, if you have him in this kind of position? Jab here with all your might.” He points to his side right below his rib cage. “There’s a nerve that’ll cause them to tense up and give you a few seconds. That’s when it matters the most, those few seconds. So think before you do.”

You look at the spot Oscar had pointed to, you jab your fingers there and he tenses up like he says would happen. He curls over and you step back and laugh, making your quick escape.

That moment plays in your head. The kissing is a distraction, he has one of your arms pressed against him and it’s the perfect opportunity. Then the thought of how you asked Ella to pick up her toys that laid on the kitchen floor earlier infiltrates your memory as she never did considering she fell asleep.

You allow him to seep his tongue into your mouth and when you do, you feel him release the grip on your hair. This is the moment. With your fingers pointed, you dig your hand into his side, right below the rib cage and he retorts back. The same way Oscar had. You use your shoulder to push him into the wall which gives you enough space to move away from him.

Tomas recovers quicker than you hoped. So when you were going to leap over the pile of toys, hoping he would trip over them, you feel a grip on your hair once more and you’re sent flying back. The pain stinging your scalp, you yulp when you hit the ground. He is on you and his body suffocating you, “You stupid bitch! Pull that stunt again and I promise you’ll regret it.”

His hand hits your cheek and you cry out as you try to get him off you. The fear setting in as his hand reaches to his belt, the clinking of the metal making you terrified of what is to come next.

But it’s the sound of a gun cocking that stops Tomas trying to unbuckle his belt. He looks back towards the sound just as you do too. You’re heart breaks into a million pieces to see you 6 year old son holding a gun in his hand. His grip on it perfect, ready to fire. His stance, arms out and legs spread apart ready for the recoil.

“Son, go back in the room, please. Just go back to your sister.” Your voice trembles as Abel keeps his eyes on Tomas. In the moment, he resembles his papa more than ever. 

Abel shakes his head no, “Get off my mama. I know how to shoot a gun and I’ll shoot you, get off her now!” He sounds like his dad too, you can only sob.

“Mommy?” Ella’s voice sounds from behind Abel. Which distracts him. Tomas takes this opportunity to get the gun away from Abel, “No!” You cry out.

Despite the ache in your body, you sit up and jump on Tomas’ back just before he can reach your son, Ella is screaming scared as Abel runs to his little sister and stands in front of her. You hold onto Tomas with all your might, the strength of a mother is like no other, “Abel, go! Get your sister and run, baby! Run to Tio Cesar’s friends house, go!”

Tomas manages to get you off and slams you back into the wall. The blow stunning you, you have the wind completely knocked out of you. The back of his hand hits your face which causes you to fall over. You cry out as you see him step towards your kids. The fire of the gun sounds and Tomas cries out in pain holding his arm.

“Y/N!” You hear Cesar followed by footsteps. He is kneeling besides you as the Santos enter the house to check it out. “My babies, are they okay?” 

“Mama!” Abel calls out as he drops the gun and runs to you, you hold your arms open to embrace your son. Your brave baby boy. Fearless much like his father. Ella joins quickly and you squeeze them tightly.

They sob in your arms as you sit on the floor, the pain radiating throughout you numb from the love your kids are giving, “Y/N! Baby?!” Oscar’s voice booms through the house as he approaches you. He pulls Cesar away as he falls to his knees besides you. His arms envelopes all 3 of you.

Ella turns into her father’s chest, he can feel her thudding heartbeat. Tears stream down his face as he felt he let down his family but as the Santos grabbed the injured Tomas and dragged him out of the house, both of you sigh in relief that the worst is over.

“Mijo, you did it again. You protected your family and papa is so proud of you. You..” Oscar can’t form anymore words as he hugs his son and plants kisses on his head. You stand from the ground and use Oscar’s arm as support.

“Cesar take the kids to the bathroom, make sure they’re okay, por favor.” The younger Diaz nods and whisks away the little ones. Oscar pulls a chair out for you to sit, he kneels in front of you and examines the damage.

You look to him, eyes feeling puffy from the crying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t listen. I put our kids in danger and you’re right, I should have a bullet in my fucking head. I’m sorry, Oscar.” Your head falls as you sob hard, the hyperventilating causing hiccups.

“Baby, none of that shit matters. My kids are okay and you are now. He can’t do anything to hurt you anymore and I promise, you didn’t do nothing wrong. We’re lucky we’re raising a smart boy. I love you.” He wipes your face dry with his shirt and stands, pulling you into his warm, safe embrace.

You all take a shower and cuddle into the bed. Abel and Ella rest in between you and Oscar, embracing each other. Ella has her tiny head on her brother’s chest, forever his sister’s keeper. Oscar sighs as he intertwines your hands together, you look up at him as he gives you a soft smile.

This morning you woke a happy family and tonight you lay down a stronger one.

[our-time-is-now]

June 24, 2019 (2): So you still don't have a plan?

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.  

Monday, 3:57 pm:

Hanna: *is sitting on a bench close to the school, two coffee-2-go cups next to her, holding her face into the sun while waiting for Matteo* *thinks that it's great that it's already so warm and hopes that they will have great weather like this when they're on holiday* *quickly looks at her phone to check the time but realizes that it's not yet 4 pm and is expecting Matteo to arrive a little after 4 than right on time* *puts her phone back in her bag, closes her eyes again and keeps sunbathing*

Matteo: *is quite punctual for his standards and arrives at the park at 4 o'clock* *but then needs a few minutes to find Hanna* *grins when he sees her with her eyes closed and kicks the bench* Hannananana, na? Everything alright? *grins when she opens her eyes and gives her a quick hug before sitting down next to her* *ruffles around in his backpack and takes out a packet of cookies to present them to Hanna* *laughs when she gives him coffee in exchange* We're well prepared.

Hanna: *flinches slightly when someone kicks the bench and opens her eyes* *grins when she sees that it's Matteo* Naaa? *returns the hug and nods* Everything alright. What about you? *laughs when he takes out the cookies and hands him the coffee* Perfect! Just imagine if both of us had brought coffee or both of us had brought cookies... *grins* *takes a cookie and leans back into the sun again and closes her eyes for a moment* Awww... the weather is so nice! I hope it stays like this forever!

Matteo: *laughs* We're simply a good team. *takes a careful sip from his coffee and realizes that it has a good drinking temperature* *grins when she leans back again* *also takes a cookie* No, I hope not... I prefer fall... *sighs slightly and leans back* But if it were fall already then I'd already have to do something with my life, so I guess summer is quite nice, after all...

Hanna: *bites into her cookie and with her mouth half full says* I feel like we have way too much fall and way too little summer... *grins slightly but then gets serious again when Matteo mentions life after summer* *sits up a little, pulls one leg up on the bench and turns to face him* So you still don't have a plan? Any idea in what direction you might want to go? *says it completely without judgment – it had been quite similar for her until a few days ago, after all* *takes a sip from her coffee*

Matteo: *can't hear any judgment from her, either* *she's also one of the few people he doesn't find it hard to be open with, where he doesn't feel pressured* No, not really... I know all the things I don't want to do... some boring office-job, I don't want to be a teacher, I don't want to study something with which I can't do anything later, after all... but otherwise... *shrugs* Everyone else has already applied and waits excitedly or have already been accepted, but me? *shakes his head* I'll probably sit on the checkout counter at Aldi forever or something like that.

Hanna: *grins a little at the things Matteo is listing and then nods* It's the same for me. There are 1000 things that I /can't/ imagine doing. *but then keeps listening to him before telling him about her* *nods when he mentions the others* Yes! And some of them seem to be so sure – I can't really understand that! How am I supposed to already know what I want to do for the rest of my life? *then laughs when he mentions Aldi* I've heard that it's not a bad job...

Matteo: *nods when Hanna understands him* Yes, all of them... Jonas wanted to be a teacher for as long as I've known him... David has told me that he wanted to study filmmaking when we met for the second time and he already knows exactly where and how he has to apply... *shrugs* I mean, it's great for them and everything... but... *shrugs again* I think you should be able to do nothing for a year, or all kinds of jobs for a week or something, to try it, and afterwards you decide... *then looks at her* So you don't have a real plan, either?

Hanna: *is also happy for the people who simply know what they want to do, but at the same time is also a little jealous* *nods at his thoughts on the try-out-year and says* Yes, something like that would be cool! But you'd probably have to arrange that yourself in the form of internships – but you also have to get those in the first place. Something like that would have to be somehow supervised and supported! *tilts her head at Matteo's question* Well, I kinda know a little bit what I might want to do... *sees his questioning look and continues* I would really like to do something with people... preferably with children or teenagers, but I don't really want to be a teacher or a kindergarten teacher... that would somehow be too much educational responsibility... I just want to somehow... help? *laughs quietly because that somehow sounds stupid* I could study social work but I don't really know if I can do it, to be honest. And then I studied something for three or four years and realize only afterwards that it's not my thing... that's also really stupid. *takes a sip of coffee* Well, anyways, I did some research and last week I applied for a Voluntary Year of Social Service...

Matteo: *takes another sip from his coffee and takes another cookie as he listens to her* *nods* Yeah, there should be pre-planned stations that you just go through... *looks at her interested when she says that she now has at least some idea* *then nods at what she says, feels similar about it* Yes, educational responsibility isn't really my thing, either... *nods at what she says about studying, feels like this about every subject* *then looks surprised* Voluntary Year of Social Service? That's still a thing? I thought that was abolished when compulsory military service was abolished? *slightly nods approvingly* But that sounds quite nice... is quite similar, right? To check it out for a year, see what it's like...

Hanna: *laughs quietly* Yes – that’s still a thing! *then shrugs* Well, you don't go through various stations but you only pick one thing at the beginning. And in between you have several seminars where you meet others and exchange your experiences. I think at these seminars you also learn what it's like somewhere else. Anyways, they've sent me a really long list of facilities in Berlin where they are still looking for people – there really is /everything/ on it: schools, youth centers, homeless shelters, mother-child facilities... everything really! *grimaces slightly* I'm quite overwhelmed with all the options. But I have to make a decision until tomorrow because I have a meeting with the head of this facility...

Matteo: *frowns slightly when she tells him about all the things you can do* *thinks that it doesn't sound too bad for one year, just to check it out* *then looks a little confused* Huh? You applied to some central office and they send you a list of 1000 facilities and how do you know who wants you? Or did they already send it to them on your behalf? *doesn't really know how all of this works* What if you apply for a Voluntary Year of Social Service but you definitely don't want to go to a mother-child facility?

Hanna: *takes another cookie and starts to eat it* *frowns and tries to answer Matteo's questions* Well, as far as I understood it, all the facilities that want one or two or three people reach out to the central office. They then know which facilities are still looking for people and send the list to the applicants – the list is divided into health care, child and youth services, culture, addiction treatment centers etc. ... Then you go to the appointment there and tell them which area or specific facility you are interested in. Apparently you can also list several... *shrugs* ... and then they forward your application to those facilities. And those facilities then invite you for a job interview and if they want you the central office takes that facility off their list... unless they are looking for more than one person... *grins and draws up her eyebrows* Sounds awfully complicated but the system is actually quite good, isn't it?

Matteo: *listens to her concentrated* *nods slowly* That actually sounds quite nice... *then looks at her* And do they still accept applications or is the deadline already over? *wonders if he might have just found something that he could do* *briefly has to think of his father and if he would approve of it* *but then shakes his head because he actually doesn't really care*

Hanna: *nods and smiles when Matteo says that it sounds quite nice* I thought so, too... *slightly tilts her head when she hears Matteo's next question and grins* They still accept applications. It doesn't start until September... *suddenly gets really excited and grabs Matteo's arm* Aaahhh... don't tell me you're thinking about doing it, as well!? That would be so cool! Then we'd most likely have the seminars together and if we don't understand something we could ask each other... *lets go of him and pulls her backpack closer* Hang on... I have the list here... *laughs quietly* Then you can have a look and give me some advice on what I should do...

Matteo: *laughs and gets wide-eyed when Hanna suddenly gets so excited* Yeah... better than doing nothing, right? *wiggles the arm Hanna has grabbed and cheers exaggeratedly* I'll tell them that I'm gay then we can surely share a room... *laughs* *is somehow happy that she' so happy* *is somehow still a little surprised when people really like spending time with him* *then nods* Sure, I'd love to... tell me the ones that you might be interested in...

Hanna: *laughs when Matteo says that they can surely share a room* Well, it's worth a try... *has now found the list but shakes her head with a laugh at Matteo's request* Nooo – that's almost 10 pages! *hands him the list* You can skim over it if you want... *also peers at it and then says* Well I was considering maybe going to a youth center. But a children's home would also be cool... or something completely different... *skims over the list and shakes her head at some of the things* I think an addiction treatment center would be too much for me... and I don't really think that I'm equipped to work with disabled people...

Matteo: *laughs slightly* Well, logically speaking they shouldn't be able to have anything against it, right? Whereas, the big danger's always only sex. *makes a dramatic noise and grins* *then suddenly has the list in his hands and gapes at it* Youth center doesn't sound too bad to me, either... I'm not really too crazy about working with small children... I could maybe imagine working with disabled people, but I also think that an addiction treatment center would be a bit too much... *has already skimmed over the list while he talked to Hanna* And with which one of those do you have an appointment? *then notices a facility at the bottom of page 3: "Lambda – youth center for LGBT+ youth" and plans to remember the name and to google it later*

Hanna: *nods in agreement to Matteo's opinion* *could also imagine him more working with teenagers or even disabled people than with small children – although.... if she thinks about it a little more* *has to grin a little at the thought* I think you could grow into working with small children... I can really imagine it... you with a little rugrat on your lap... *grins again but then answers his question* Not any of the facilities, yet. Tomorrow I have to tell them to which facilities they should forward my application... maybe I'll just check out several facilities before I make a decision... *reaches for her cup and takes a sip while leaning back over the list*

WhatsApp David/Matteo: David: I'm done at the doctor's and on my way to Laura's apartment. Do you want to come over later or should I come to the flatshare! Say hi to Hanna! I'm looking forward to seeing you! <3

Matteo: *tilts his head slightly and looks at her scrutinizingly* I think you've had too much coffee, that doesn't agree with you... I would be completely in over my head and would probably drop those things all the time... *but then nods when he understands* Ah, okay, I see... *hands the list back to her* I'd suggest that you list every youth center that isn't in the middle of nowhere... um, could you send me your application? I mean... if it's okay... for how much longer can you apply? *then feels his phone vibrate and pulls it from his pocket* Sorry... *reads the message and has to smile automatically* *replies quickly*

WhatsApp David/Matteo: Matteo: I can come over when we're done. And get your laptop ready, we might need it ;) see you later <3

Hanna: *laughs when he talks about the "things" and shakes her head* I don't believe you! You just don't have any experience! I'll bring my cousin over for you to babysit so you can practice... *laughs even more when she sees the look on his face and calms him down* That was a joke! *adds with a smile* But my cousin really is sweet! *then takes back the list and slowly nods at his suggestion* That's not a bad idea. But I think I'll also list child homes... *smiles and immediately nods* Sure, I can do that! No problem! I'll send it to you once I'm back home... *shrugs at his next question* No idea... I don't think they have a real deadline – they even accept latecomers. But if I were you, I'd still hand in the application as soon as possible – otherwise the good facilities will all be gone... *smiles slightly and nods when he apologizes and takes his phone out of his pocket* *sees his smile and thinks that it’s probably David who texted* *waits until he’s finished with his reply and puts the list back in her backpack while she waits* *looks at him with a broad grin when he looks up from his phone and pokes him in the side* Someone should really take a picture of you when you get a message from him or when you look at him... *grins slightly*

WhatsApp David/Matteo: David: Will do... whatever we need it for! See you later :-*

Matteo: *is happy that she is so willing to help and even lets the shock with the cousin slide for it* Thanks. *then nods* Yes, I'll get it ready as quickly as I can... I think I've never written a job application in my entire life... kudos to our great education system... but I'll figure it out. *looks a little indignant when she pokes him* *but then grins* Yeah, yeah, I have a David-smile, I've already been told... *shrugs* All of you have a smile like that, only when it's me it's such a huuuuge deal. *peers at his phone and reads the response but doesn't answer*

Hanna: *laughs quietly* Yeah, really! They should have taught us something like that in school... but you'll figure it out! It's not that difficult. You can also find help online and you can also orient yourself a little on my application. *takes another cookie* *grins at the term "David-smile" and says excitedly* True! You really do! *shakes her head when he says that everyone has a smile like that and laughs quietly* No, my friend! Only you have a smile like that! *mentally goes through all of the couples she knows and knows smiling faces from Mia and Kiki, but also knows annoyed and confused and desperate and embarrassed and indifferent faces when it comes to Carlos and Alex* *then smiles and says* It's great that you're so happy... tell him I said hi later!

Matteo: *laughs when she's so excited about it* *shakes his head when she says that only he has a smile like that* Nonsense... you also have a Jonas-smile, and Jonas has a very intense Hanna-smile, and Carlos, too when it comes to Kiki... *but then has to smile at the thought that they really might be the happiest couple* I will... Oh, and I'm also supposed to tell you he said hi, of course... *takes another cookie* And what else is going on with you? Did your father get on your case when you asked for the car for the holidays?

Hanna: *sighs when he disagrees* Oh Matteo... *slightly shakes her head, but smiles* *isn't going to argue with him because she knows how difficult it is for him to admit it when he's really good at something or did well and also when he simply has or is something special* *hopes that he still knows it, even though he can't admit it* *then grins when he tells her hi from David and nods* Thanks! *leans back again and enjoys the sun that is already a little lower by now* Otherwise I'm really good. *shakes her head when he asks about the car* No, you know him! As long as I'm happy... I'm just supposed to drive careful and only let people drive that are responsible and don't get up to nonsense and stuff like that... *then looks at him again* And what about you? Or both of you? Any news?

Matteo: *grins slightly and nudges her* Oh, Hanna... *also leans back when she does* *but turns his head so that he can look at her* Yeah, that's what he's like our Mr. Jung... *laughs* So neither Alex nor Abdi... *slightly shakes his head at her question* Not really... *thinks about the second consultation that's scheduled for next Monday and that he's somehow nervous, almost more nervous than with the first one* *can't and doesn't want to tell Hanna about it, because that's up to David* David has sent out all his applications and is waiting to hear from the unis... oh, and after our holiday we'll visit his godmother... *looks at her with wide eyes* In David's case that's like getting introduced to the parents... with his godmother it matters, so I have to behave... *laughs slightly*

Hanna: *laughs at the mention of Alex and Abdi and nods* Exactly! *then hears that David has sent out all of his applications* Oh, I'll keep my fingers crossed for him! It's supposed to be really difficult to get in. *then hears the thing with the godmother and grins when Matteo says that he has to behave* Ohhh... that's going to be difficult. *laughs and shakes her head* Nonsense, you're the perfect son-in-law! It'll be fine! *considers for a moment if she's allowed to ask but then simply does it* And his parents? Are you also going to meet them one day? Or does he not have any contact with them? *has finished her coffee and crumples up and plays with the empty cup*

Matteo: *nods* Yes, he was quite nervous and antsy... but Leonie has this cousin, Olli, who is already in film school and he helped him a bit... *laughs and shakes his head* Not really... but I'll manage. *then hesitates for a moment when he hears her next question* *doesn't really know how much he can and should tell her* Well, I don't know... he does have contact with them but it's not like he's crazy about seeing them or for me to meet them... *shrugs slightly* It's not so easy.

Hanna: *hears about Leonie's cousin and is a little surprised* *didn't know that David and Leonie were still in contact* *says a little tunelessly* Oh, that's nice... *and a little more positive* Then I'm sure it'll work out! *then listens to Matteo when he tells her about David's parents and realizes that he understandably doesn’t really want to go into detail* *nods at what he tells her and then says* Well, at least he has his sister and his godmother... I'm sure it would be even more difficult without any family... *then changes the subject because she doesn't want Matteo to feel uncomfortable about the topic of "David's family"* Hey, but Jonas has told me that David has his new ID! Really cool! *laughs quietly* And Jonas was super happy that David texted him...

Matteo: *rather doesn’t comment on the thing with Leonie's cousin* *knows that Leonie and Hanna have declared a constant truce but that they will most likely never be friends again* *then nods* Yes, the two of them are really great for him. *immediately grins when she mentions the ID* Oh, yes, finally! He was really happy! *then laughs as well* Yeah? But that's really cool... I think it really did him some good the other day at our barbecue that Jonas understood him and that he was so interested in him and so on...

Hanna: *is happy for David and says with a smile* Oh yes, I can imagine! It must really suck that whenever you have to show your ID there's a wrong name on it... *nods when Matteo mentions their barbecue* *grins slightly* And it did Jonas some good to hear from him afterwards because he thought that he somehow screwed things up with his comments in the beginning... but that was also really difficult... I felt really sorry for David. *lightly bumps his shoulder* It was really brave of you to tell Jonas! I think that saved the evening for all of us!

Matteo: *nods strongly* Oh, yes, definitely... he tried to avoid it as much as he could... *grimaces slightly* *then shrugs one shoulder* Well, Jonas didn't know about it at that point... *then smiles slightly when she says that it was brave* Well, I just thought that it wasn't fair to you two either that you had to keep your mouths shut for me and that David had to listen to all of that... *bumps her back* Thanks for keeping your mouth shut for me for so long.

Hanna: *smiles and shakes her head* What would have been in it for me if I had told him?! *shakes her head again* No, that was always up to you. That actually would have outed you... outing you as gay as well as outing you that you had a crush. And the latter is often difficult even for heteros. *pulls her legs up onto the bench and crosses them* But, anyways, it's true that everyone has to decide for themself when and to whom to come out.

Matteo: *smiles slightly at her words* *nods* Yep, I agree... I was mostly lucky... even though word about it did get around I was still able to come out to most people myself... *takes the last cookie, breaks it in two and hands Hanna one half*

WhatsApp Laura/Matteo: Laura: Do I have to cook for 1, 2 or 3 people today? :)

*looks at his phone and grins slightly* *quickly answers*

WhatsApp Laura/Matteo: Matteo: 3. Thanks! :)

Hanna: *smiles when Matteo says that he was lucky* *then takes half of the last cookie and grins* Thanks! *bites into it and then sees that Matteo has received a text but can't see the typical David-smile* *comments with a grin* That wasn't David... am I right? *laughs quietly* Your David-smile was missing… *then quickly checks the time* By the way, I have to get going soon. Jonas and I wanted to watch a movie and order pizza…

Matteo: *laughs when she says that it wasn't David* No, that wasn't David... that was Laura asking whether I would join them for dinner... *then nods* And I have to start writing my application... *grins at her* We have to do this again... a coffee and cookie meeting in the park *then gets up and hugs her* Say hi to Jonas from me... and don't let yourself be talked into a Star Wars movie, they're all boring.

Hanna: *grins at Matteo's answer* It's also nice if you don't have to cook, yourself... *then nods at his comment about the application* Good that you mention it! I'll send you mine later. If you haven't received it in an hour then please remind me again... *zips up her backpack, takes the empty packet of cookies and the coffee-2-go cups to throw them into the trash can* *smiles at his suggestion* Yes, I'd really like that! *then also hugs him goodbye* Bye, and say hi to David! *shakes her head when he mentions Star Wars* No, no, don't worry! I'll pick... *grins, puts the backpack and the trash in the basket on her bike, gets on the bike, waves at Matteo again, and then cycles off*

Matteo: *waves after Hanna and then walks out of the park slowly* *briefly considers if it's worth making a detour to the flatshare to get his bike* *but then decides against it and walks toward David's* *plugs his headphones into his phone and turns on music* *sends David a text*

WhatsApp David/Matteo: Matteo: On my way. From the park. To you. On foot. You can expect me in approximately 1-2 hours ;)

(next play)

[portals-to-a-new-world]

Shattered Glass

Who?: John Kennex x Reader

What?: YN and John fight, forcing both of them to realize some truths neither were willing to admit. 

Word Count: 4724

Warnings: Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, Self-Image Struggles, Portrayals of Depression and Anxiety, Language, Smut, Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it, y’all), Semi-Public Sex, Fluff 

A/n: Hey y’all! This started out as a therapy fic for me after I’d had a bad day at work and just sort of snowballed lol. I’d just like to reiterate that this has portrayals of negative self image and anxiety/depression so please don’t put yourself at risk if that’s going to trigger you. I’d like to give yet another shoutout to the absolutely brilliant @bakerstreethound​, without whom this story couldn’t have happened. She kept me sane during the beginning and has been the bestest friend and partner anyone could ask for. Ace, I really don’t know what I’d do without you 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Finally, I’m not tagging in this one, simply because I’m currently trying to work out a way to organize my tags so that people only get tagged in what they want to be :). Keep an eye out for a post soon with further details, peaches. Oh just one more thing, I’ve been seeing a lot of blogs having their works reposted on other sites without permission, and I’d like to establish here that I do not give anyone permission to repost my works. I’m on AO3 under the same username, but any other sites are not me. 

Rough days were standard in your line of work. You'd think that after 3 years in the industry, the last 5 months of which being spent with your current employer, would have you used to the stress. Then again, you weren't sure anyone could get used to the bitch of a co-worker who was causing 80% of your issues. You were higher up in the company than her, but because she'd been with them longer, she seemed to think she could order you around. Going to your bosses achieved nothing, as she was apparently "invaluable" to the company, and didn't bother listening to them anyway. It wasn't a big deal at first, just one of those "ignore them, and they'll go away" situations, but as time progressed it got increasingly worse. Today you were forced to endure her screaming insults and ranting at you about a mistake your partner had made. Your day only seemed to get worse from there, and by the time you got off, you were about ready to blow a fuse. 4 bouts of road rage and a spilled coffee later, and you finally walked through the door to your apartment, slamming it shut behind you. John's head poked around the corner from the kitchen, noodles hanging from his lips. "Jesus. Is the door still standing?" He asked once he'd swallowed. You just huffed in response. He raised an eyebrow as you walked past without giving your usual greeting in the form of a kiss. "Hello to you, too, then." He mumbled. You waved your hand sarcastically over your shoulder.

"Hey," You said. John's concern was written all over his face as he followed you into the living room. He spoke as you plopped onto the couch, placing your head in your hands.

"I'd ask if you're okay, but clearly you're not so-"

"Sorry, Detective, but you must be losing your touch because I'm fine." You said, looking up to offer a strained smile, which was met with a skeptical eyebrow raise.

"Uh-huh, and Richard's being promoted to captain. Don't bullshit me, (Y/N/N). What's wrong?" He placed a hand on your shoulder as he finished. You shrugged it off and stood to your feet, ignoring the incredulous look on his face at your actions.

"I said I'm fine, John. Just let it go." You turned to walk away, but his hand shot out to grab ahold of your wrist. You tried to tug it free, which only served to draw him to his feet. He pinned your arm against his chest, pulling you in close. "Let me go." You said as you continued to struggle against him. Any other time you'd've found being pinned against such a handsome bastard incredibly sexy, in fact, that's probably why he did it in the first place. The notion was like throwing a match onto gasoline, igniting the rage that had been simmering under the surface into a full-on blaze.

"What the hell's gotten into you??" He demanded.

"I told you to fucking let it go, Kennex. In fact, you might as well go ahead and leave altogether, cause I'm not in the mood to fuck you tonight." He dropped your wrist as if scalded and took two steps back to search your face in angry disbelief before replying.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You threw your hands in the air in exasperation.

"Oh, come on! I'm not stupid, John. There was never going to be anything serious between us. You're not capable of trusting, let alone loving, anyone after Anna, and even if you were, you'd never choose me." He opened his mouth to reply, but you cut him off. "No, you wouldn't. Put me in a line up with every woman you've ever been attracted to, and the differences are fucking painfully obvious." You took a deep breath before continuing. "I was not, and never will be, anything more to you than convenient, no matter how much I love you. Okay? So, you don't have to pretend to fucking care anymore, John."

"How dare you! I can't believe I'm standing here listening to this bullshit; matter of fact," He paused and gestured as if an idea just occurred to him. "I'm not going to!" He stormed over to his coat and yanked it off the counter before throwing it on. He stopped momentarily to look back at you, mouth open to speak before sighing roughly in frustration. "Fuck this." Without another word, he was going out your door, slamming it so hard behind him that the pictures on the wall fell and crashed on the floor. In a single moment, everything in you shattered like glass. You collapsed in a heap as sobs began to rip through your chest. It's for the best. He would have left eventually, anyway. Why would he want to stay with a useless, disgusting, pathetic thing like you? God, you can't even handle the basic stress of everyday problems, while he's out there still doing his job after everything he's been through. I mean, how weak can you be?? No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop the thoughts from invading your mind. Each one cut deeper than the last until you were numb. Eventually you stood to your feet, drained and feeling hopeless. Your body moved on autopilot, carrying you through your nightly routine and into bed. You slept in fits and starts, nightmares plaguing nearly every second. When your body finally gave in to the utter exhaustion, a tiny part of you had hoped that you would wake up to find it'd all been a dream. Most of you didn't want to wake up at all, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, neither part of you got its wish. You did indeed wake up, and you woke up to an empty bed. Your heart broke as you realized just how badly you'd fucked up. You didn't have time to dwell on your failures, though, as your phone was ringing, and upon answering, you discovered you were over an hour late for work. You shot up out of bed and quickly threw some clothes on, rushing through your morning essentials. As you stepped out of your front door, you looked up and saw dark storm clouds rolling in. You flipped through the radio in your car and found out that the storms were supposed to last through the rest of the week. At least the weather matched how you felt inside. Unsurprisingly, your problematic co-worker was standing ready to lay into you the moment you stepped through the doors. It took every ounce of what little strength you had left not to break down right then and there. By some stroke of luck, she was called away by your bosses, and you quickly took off to your desk. Your day was almost typical, until around 2 pm, your phone buzzed with an incoming text. Your heart stopped as you looked at the name on the screen. John. Your hands were shaking as you unlocked the phone to read the message.

Come by my place when you get off. We need to have a serious talk. 

All of your fears came crashing down on you at once, punching through your chest like a bullet. You stumbled your way into the bathroom and latched onto the sink edge to anchor yourself. So this really was it. He was breaking up with you. Your hand flew up to press against your chest as the ache there blossomed into raw agony. At least he had the decency to do it in person. He could have just ghosted you. You continued to rub your chest as you typed out a simple 'okay' in response. A quick glance at the time revealed that you still had three hours left in your shift. You took a few deep breaths and splashed some cool water on your face. The last thing you needed was for someone to ask "what's wrong" and you end up breaking down in front of God and everyone. After you managed to calm down enough to return to your desk, time seemed to slow down, until the remaining three hours felt like twelve. You'd also discovered that you'd left your rain jacket at John's the last time you'd spent the night. Still, most of your body was numb by then anyway, so it didn't really matter as you stepped out into what had to be a freezing downpour at the end of your shift. In all honesty you were grateful for the numbness. You almost certainly would have never been able to drive had it not been for the near void that threatened to consume you as you drove through the crowded city. When you pulled up into the driveway, some of the emptiness cleared away, leaving panic in your chest and your whole body shivering as you sprinted to the door. You hardly registered John opening the door and pulling you inside. Your focus was locked on to the way his face moved while he spoke, committed to memorizing every detail while you still had the chance. Your gaze had fallen to his perfectly plump lips when you realized he was saying your name.

"Y/n, can you hear me, sweetheart?" You shook your head to clear some of the fog from your mind. Might as well get it over with.

"Yeah-" You cleared your throat. "Yeah, I can hear you. When do you wanna come by and get your stuff? Or would you rather me just drop it off here for you?" Confusion flooded his features as you finished.

"What are you talking about? Why would I need my stuff back?" Damn, was he so done with you that he didn't even want his stuff back? You dropped your eyes, knowing that you wouldn't be able to hold his gaze without breaking down completely.

"You're breaking up with me, right?" You cursed silently as tears began to stream down your face. Gentle fingers pressed up beneath your chin to tilt your face back up.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" You didn't respond, too caught up in the softness of his eyes, and he didn't bother waiting for one anyway. "I said I shouldn't have walked out on you last night. I had some excuse about being tired, but the truth is I was afraid because you were right. I didn't think I would ever be able to love anyone again after Anna." Your heart clenched and the tears began to fall even harder as breathing became difficult. Had you been watching his face, you would have seen the heartache ooze across his features as he watched you break down in front of him. As it were, your gaze had fallen back to the floor, and you jumped when his hand moved up to cradle your face softly. "I was so pissed at myself, and at you for being right, that it wasn't until this morning when I woke up without you in my arms, and it hurt that I realized just how wrong we both had been. You're wrong about me never choosing you. You're smart and kind, and so beautiful you take my breath away when you walk into a room." You hiccupped and fell apart as you processed what he was saying to you. He rushed to pull you into his arms as your knees threatened to give out, and just held you until you could breathe again. He pulled back far enough to look you in the eyes before he continued speaking. "And I was wrong. Because I do love you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out." You gasped deeply and threw your arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry too. I never should have taken out my frustrations about work on you."

"It's alright. Do you wanna talk about it?" Part of you still felt stupid about the reason for your outburst, but you felt so safe in his embrace that you found yourself nodding in affirmation. He placed a kiss on the top of your head and let you go. The sudden lack of his warmth sent shivers up your spine.

"Jesus. Why's it so cold in here?" You asked, rubbing your arms. He reached out and took your hand with a grin.

"Part of your surprise." He said with a wink. "Come on. I'll show you." You followed him around the corner and into the main room. You came to a stop as your eyes fell on the mounds of blankets and pillows arranged on the floor. He turned to look back when you stopped, and he seemed disappointed when you just looked at him in confusion. "You mentioned a while back that you loved the sound of the rain on the roof here. I'd figured-" He cringed slightly as he stumbled over his words. "Well, I mean I'd hoped-" He began to rub the back of his neck nervously before he continued. "I'd hoped that we'd be able to work things out, so I went ahead and got everything set up. Since they're calling for the storms to last for so long and all." Deciding to put him out of his misery, you stepped forward and pulled him down into a kiss. All the tension left his body as your lips connected, and you couldn't help but grin as you broke apart.

"I promise to not tell Dorian that you're secretly a big ol teddy bear who remembers tiny details about his girlfriend." You joked. John rolled his eyes, but still had a small smile on his face as he pulled you back in for another kiss. Despite his closeness, another chill ran down your spine, reminding you of your original query. "Doesn't explain why it's so flippin cold in here, though." He looked at you and gestured as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"It's a pillow fort. And you've got the internal body temperature of a small space heater. I'd really prefer to not sweat my ass off." He said. You bit your lip to hide your grin as you nodded gravely before replying.

"That would be a tragedy." He also was fighting a smirk as he slightly tilted his head in agreement.

"Exactly. My ass is a national treasure," He said. You giggled and let your smile finally breakthrough as he gestured in a 'come hither' motion. You began to worry your bottom lip between your teeth as you stepped forward. He reached over and pulled the soaking wet towel from your shoulders, surprise in his eyes as if something had just occurred to him. You stepped forward in concern as his eyes seemed to zone out and darken.

"John? What's wrong?" He seemed to snap out of his trance, and he cleared his throat before gesturing to your body.

"Your shirt. It's soaked. You're gonna catch a cold." You followed his gaze to your chest to discover that his eyes had not darkened in anger or frustration, but in lust. He was right, your shirt was absolutely dripping wet. It was also white. Ah.

"Would you prefer me to take it off?" You joked. A smirk emerged on his lips, sending a shudder through you that had nothing to do with the cold. He nodded and closed the distance between you.

"Purely in the interest of your health, of course," He said lowly. You tilted your head in mock defeat and began undoing the buttons of your shirt slowly.

"Well, I'm sure you know best, Detective." You barely made it half-way down the line before his lips were crashing into yours and his hands taking over to speed through the remaining buttons. He paused before he could push the garment off of your shoulders.

"Is this- I mean I don't want to assume- Or make you think I'm only after-" You cut him off with another kiss and shrugged out of the sleeves. He still seemed hesitant, right up until you nipped at his bottom lip. He huffed out a breathless growl before returning the favor, his hands landing on your bare waist to pull you into him. He swiped his tongue across your lip in a silent request for entrance, which you happily granted. Your hands moved to grip at his shoulders while his own began an exploration of your body, sliding up your spine and across your stomach before dropping from your skin entirely. You whined at the loss of contact, but he quickly made up for it by reaching down and pulling his shirt over his head. He leaned back down and placed a soft kiss on your lips. "Just making things even," He murmured against you. His hands found your hips as he led you to the center of the room without breaking the kiss, but it was his turn to grunt in surprise when you gently pushed him down on the pillows. "What-" He stopped when your hands moved to play with the clasp of your bra.

"We're not even yet, Detective." You said coyly. You barely got the garment off before he was tugging you down on top of him and into another breathtaking kiss. A moan escaped your lips as he nibbled your ear, trailing kisses down your neck. You brought a finger up to his mouth, stopping his assault. "We're not done yet, detective." You were smirking and trailing your hands across every bit of his skin you could reach, but you were partly just trying to hide the way you were trembling at having him so close. Another part was just reassuring itself that he was really there, not believing that he was finally truly yours, that you had the broken-hearted detective beneath you. It all felt like a dream until he ground up against you and whispered in your ear.

"Please, (Y/n)," He didn't even finish his sentence before you were climbing off of him to quickly remove your pants and underwear. He followed your lead and, to your surprise, pulled you back down on top of him once he'd finished. You uttered a whimper as he brushed up against your soaked folds, but it turned into a full-fledged whine as he slowly guided you down onto his length. He cursed and his eyes fluttered closed once he was fully sheathed inside you. You both took a moment to breathe and adjust to the sensation, and he finally looked at you when his hands began to guide your hips. "I love you." You leaned down to claim his lips again, tears threatening to fall at the words you'd never thought you'd hear him say. 

"I love you too." You said, pulling back to meet his gaze once again. Such a small declaration, yet it made every movement, every touch, feel different. It was slow and passionate, so contrary to the fast and rough pace that was the norm with John. You couldn't bring yourself to look away from his deep hazel eyes, full of love and adoration, as you moved in perfect sync together. He rose with every fall, hitting so deep inside you that you knew you'd be feeling him for weeks. Your hips began to stutter as the sensations threatened to overwhelm you, and without missing a beat John flipped the two of you. A yelp escaped your kiss swollen lips as his nimble fingers slipped between the two of you to rub deliciously at your clit, and you could feel yourself rapidly approaching your orgasm. "John- please- don't stop!" He seemed more than happy to oblige, maneuvering to thrust impossibly deeper as his lips found your ear once again.

"You gonna cum for me, beautiful? I-" Whatever sweet nothing he had planned to say was choked off into a moan as your orgasm hit you. Your walls clamping down around him dragging him over the edge with you as he worked you through until you were whining with oversensitivity. He finally slid out of you and quickly retrieved a towel to clean you up. When he'd finished, he laid back down beside you and wrapped an arm around you, resting your head on his chest. You hummed in contentment as he began to stroke your hair, nearly drifting off before an idea occurred to you.

"John?" You mumbled against his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still have any of that hot chocolate mix I gave you?" A small laugh rumbled in his chest as he responded.

"Yeah. You want some?" You lifted your head up to smile sweetly and nod your head.

"Yes, please!" John shook his head with a smile and placed a quick kiss to your temple before extracting himself from your embrace. You booed when he slid his boxers back on, earning another grin, this time accompanied by a wink before he headed off into the kitchen. Amongst the quiet, you finally registered the sounds of the rain still hammering against the building, the constant drumming a soothing backdrop to the cozy situation you found yourself in. You stood and slid back into your panties before moving to stand in front of the window. You also grabbed one of the blankets to protect against the chill that pervaded the air around the glass. Looking out, you could barely make out the disturbances the rain made to the surface of the water through the darkness, and yet you still found yourself mesmerized by the beauty of the view. You were drawn out of your reverie when John's voice sounded out behind you. "So, tell me about work. Is that woman causing problems again? What's her name, Kar-" He said as he entered the room. When his voice cut off you looked over your shoulder to find him staring at you with wonder in his eyes. You quickly looked out the window to see what he was staring at but couldn't spot anything particularly special.

"What are you looking at?" You asked, turning back right as he walked over to you. He didn't respond; instead, his hands found their way inside your blanket to grab your hips and push you back against the window. Mild panic set in before he finally spoke up. "John?"

"You're so beautiful." He said, dropping his head to kiss along your neck. You huffed in disbelief and reached up to push against his shoulders.

"You're crazy," Your pressing did little to dissuade him from his task, and you couldn't help but smile as he continued to mutter praises into your skin. "John," You chuckled as he continued to nuzzle into your neck. "Stop it, you're fogging up the glass," Your protests were growing half-hearted though, as his hands began to wander, and his lips trailed softly over your skin.

"And?" He questioned, pulling you back enough that your blanket fell to the floor before moving back forward so you were pressed against the icy cold glass. You yelped at the shock the temperature difference gave your system, trying to shove him back and pull him closer for warmth at the same time, both to no avail.

"I was enjoying the view," You said, breathlessly in a last-ditch attempt to persuade him. He pulled back to look you in the eyes before he responded.

"I've got a much better one right in front of me." His lips found yours and you melted against him. The kiss bordered on desperate, almost as if he was afraid you'd disappear. His hands left a trail of goosebumps behind as the heat of his skin emphasized the chill in the air, sliding up your arms and down your back before moving to play with the skin just beneath your waistband. A whine left you as he dipped his fingers inside to tease at your lips, sliding around and deftly avoiding everywhere you wanted him. Just as you were about to pull back and tell him to stop teasing, he thrust two fingers deep inside you, drawing a surprised gasp from you. "So wet for me," He mumbled against your lips as he began to thrust his fingers inside you. Each pass brushed up against your g spot until you were practically seeing stars and begging him for more. Suddenly, his fingers were gone, and you opened your eyes to find him licking your juices off of them. You let out a desperate whine.

"John, please, please fuck me." You said, reaching out to palm him through his boxers. His hand grabbed your wrist before you could touch him, though, and he spun you around. 

"As the lady wishes." He leaned in and said against your ear. He reached down and pulled himself free from his boxers. John didn't bother to remove your own underwear, instead just sliding them to the side before slowly working his length inside you. You groaned in relief as he began to thrust slowly, pulling out and pushing back in to make sure you were ready. His cock dragged perfectly against every sensitive spot you had, sending pleasure shooting through your body and making your toes curl. Seeming satisfied with your preparedness he began to pick up his pace, hitting deeper inside you with every push. You yelped as his fingers found your nipples, tweaking and pulling on the sensitive buds as you moaned out his name. A hand left your skin and reached up to swipe across the glass, revealing your reflection. "Look. Do you see how fucking gorgeous you are? So beautiful, and mine." He nipped at the skin beneath your ear as his hand moved down your front to rub harsh circles on your clit. You threw your head back against his shoulder, eyes falling shut at the added sensation, but a sharp bite made them shoot open again. "Eyes open, baby girl. I want you to watch as I make you fall apart around me." Your eyes found his in the reflection, and you moaned at the way his pupils were blown wide with lust.

"Please, John, I need more-" You gasped deeply as his thrusts began to pick up speed, knocking you up onto your toes and forcing you to throw your hands up against the glass for support. Your reflection revealed how utterly wrecked you were, and the sight sent you flying over the edge with a scream of John's name. He buried his face in your neck as he continued to thrust, chasing his own release and prolonging yours as you gasped and sputtered, unable to form words thanks to the electric waves of pleasure flowing through you. Just when you thought you couldn't handle anymore, John's thrusts faltered, and he came with a deep groan. He rested his forehead on your shoulder as he waited for his breathing to return to normal, mumbling 'I love you's and pressing kisses into your heated skin. Out of nowhere tears began to flow down your cheeks, a quiet sob escaping you. John immediately noticed, and carefully pulled out of you before turning you around to run his hands over you in concern.

"(Y/n), what's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm so sorry, sweetheart-" The panic in his voice made the tears come harder, and you struggled to voice what was happening.

"No, you didn't hurt me-" You hiccupped. "I just- don't deserve you." Confusion crossed his face as he processed what you were telling him.

"What? You-" He seemed to come to a decision, and he went and grabbed his phone, quickly pulling up the dial pad. "Here. Call your work and tell them you're taking the rest of the week off. If they ask why then tell them police business."

"What? John, I can't just-" 

"You've got tons of time off saved up, right?" He cut you off, still holding the phone out.

"Well yes, but-"

"Then, by law, they can't stop you from taking it." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control your breathing and stop the tears.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked, finally looking up at him.

"Because I want to spend the next 5 days showing you just how amazing you are." He said, so confident, so resolute, that you found yourself reaching out to grab the phone. 

[aleteia-ff]

A Decade To Find You - Part 5

Also Read On: AO3 | FF.net

Thank you all for sticking with this story! Here’s the final installment <3

December 31st, 2019 | Part 2

The main conclusion Astrid had drawn in 2019 was that Hiccup still lived underneath a social media-less rock. So while she now had two things to apologise for, she couldn’t get in contact with him, no matter how hard she tried.

She wanted to say sorry for still not having called him. And for making him think she had moved on. Because while she had attempted to, while she had thought that simply having fun with one of her colleagues wouldn’t hurt, it wasn’t true. The moment she had seen Hiccup, she had wanted to run to him and apologise. But he’d cycled away, and by the time she’d convinced Eret to go after him, they couldn’t find him anymore. Eret had been awfully sweet about it, had told her that she had made it clear enough that they weren’t serious. And that he’d gladly help her work out some of her frustration at the gym or the shooting range instead.

Hiccup was the reason she’d taken Eret with her that night in the first place, after all. Because the closer they had gotten to the New Year’s Eve of 2018, the more she had started to dread the thought of seeing Hiccup with his girlfriend again. After all, she hadn’t been able to stalk his Facebook and see if they had broken up in the meantime. Bringing someone else with her was the only insurance she could give herself against being humiliated again. That, or staying home altogether. And she wasn’t going to let herself be that easily defeated.

It had been uncannily desperate, given that ever since she’d lost Hiccup’s number, she hadn’t concerned herself with dating at all. Sure, the police academy kept her busy, although she still had time for it if she wanted to. But she found she simply lacked the interest. She didn’t need it. She’d been feeling good about herself, and now that she had gotten a better idea of the downsides to becoming a police officer, she still didn’t have any regrets. Because while she’d fallen out of love with medicine for exactly those mundane, “this is what you will actually be doing on a daily basis” reasons, she found herself loving this job in spite of those things.

She finally felt like she’d found her place. To the extent a 26-year old could, she supposed. She was, at the very least, no longer worried about whatever came next.

Which is why it was even stranger that she still couldn’t get Hiccup out of her head. And that this year, she had headed to the centre of town with more confidence and purpose than she ever had before.

She was going to find him tonight. And no matter the circumstances, regardless of what would be thrown in her way, she would finally apologise to him.

After all, as practical as she was, she also couldn’t ignore the way in which nearly every blog or Instagram page shoved this year being the last of the decade right in her face. And while she wasn’t superstitious, and she believed in hard work rather than fate, she also couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that if she didn’t go out tonight, on the last day that belonged to the ten years in which she’d experienced so much, growing from a teenager to someone that she would sort-of call an adult… That after this decade, which had started with Hiccup, she wouldn’t get the chance to see him again.

And even if that was her just reading too many self-indulgent Soulmate AU fanfics of The Witcher, she didn’t really care anymore. Because that was also the agreement she’d made with herself. She was allowed to try for one more day, to finish off the decade and go full circle. And if it didn’t result in anything, then that was fine. She would simply let it go, Frozen-style.

But she could still hope, right?

So she’d put on her favourite leggings and skirt, topped off by a warm sweater that was both comfortable and accentuated her figure, the front parts of her hair pulled back into a loose bun while the rest hung loose down her back. No pretence. Just her, the way she wanted to be seen.

A few hours before midnight, she parked her bicycle in the street Hiccup had spotted her in the year before. She ventured into town, intending to start in the centre squares and end up here at the end of the night.

Or perhaps not. She hoped not.

While she’d changed a lot over the past ten years, Berk still felt remarkably similar. The stalls of the winter market hadn’t stopped selling the kind of items no one really used, although there were remarkably more smart phone cases. While some of the bars had changed, their spirit, many of them proud rip-offs of “Viking culture” and serving pints to match those ideas, had remained.

If someone had asked for her opinion on that rigidness when she was 16, she would have called it boring. Would have reassured anyone that she would leave Berk as soon as she could, and that she would never look back. And now she was here, noting to herself that his would likely be one of her last New Year’s Eves as a civilian instead of on duty. She was looking forward to it, to be done with training and start actually serving. But it was also yet another reason for her to track Hiccup down this year.

Now if only he would show himself, that would make her life a lot easier.

She stopped by every place she had seen him at since the moment they’d met. The hot chocolate stand by the river, where people were already trying to secure the best spot to watch the fireworks show. The ice skating rink in the centre, lacking a cute lanky guy stumbling over his fake foot. The street on which Hiccup had charmingly hurled his guts into the snow. The club where she had kissed a random guy for him to see, now embarrassingly empty because it was only just past 10 PM. The corner cafe he’d been sitting at with his friends, perfectly showcasing how handsome he’d become. The bar she’d seen him sitting in behind the window, making her want to hug him because he’d looked so beaten down by the world. Gruffnut’s Grunge Grotto, surprisingly still open, where she had walked away from him after he’d rejected her the year before. The site of their fateful meeting in 2016, when the stars had finally aligned, albeit only temporarily.

Until she finally reached her bike at 11 PM, coming up empty-handed.

But she refused to let that be the end of it. It was very likely that if he was indeed here, and she wanted to believe he was, that she had simply missed him. Berk was still a sizable town, after all. She had to scan the streets better, practice her surveillance and stake-out techniques, go into more bars because it was cold and most people were inside.

She had to try harder.

Because with one hour left on the clock, one hour until everyone else would celebrate the start of the new decade, she didn’t care anymore about what other people thought, or how desperate and downright crazy she’d become. After all, it simply felt like the right thing to do. To find Hiccup. And finally, truly, scratch that itch that had been bugging her for so many years.

And she couldn’t shake the simmering panic caused by the notion that this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. That she should have seen him already, because time was running out. That if she didn’t find him now, before midnight, that the spell would be broken.

So she quickened her pace as she made another round, checking her phone more often than she should.

23:07.

23:16 and a message from Heather, asking her if she’d gotten lucky yet.

23:18.

23:21, Heather telling her what bar she and Dagur were at, in case she needed a break.

23:27.

Then she glanced back up from her phone, and behind the glass window of an Irish pub, she finally caught a glimpse of a familiar face.

It wasn’t Hiccup. But she supposed it qualified as the next best thing.

She rushed inside, pushing herself through the crowd until she reached him, the dark-haired over-dramatic diva who had punched Dagur three years ago, adrenaline and hope coursing through her veins.

She tapped his shoulder a little more urgently than strictly polite, and she wasn’t surprised when he turned around, clearly agitated, only for his eyes to open up in surprise when he took her in.

“You!” he stammered. “I know you!”

“Yes, I’m -”

“No, don’t tell me,” he stopped her, putting up his hand. “I got this.”

“I never introduced myself to you, so it’s -”

“Oh, I’m aware.” Hiccup’s cousin rolled his eyes. “You’re the bitch who never called Hiccup.”

She clenched her jaw, exasperated. “Excuse me?”

“Look, honey -”

“It’s Astrid, actually.”

“Okay fine, “Astrid”,” he sighed, gesturing with his fingers to put her name between quotation marks. “We can keep pretending I don’t know what you did, but I do. You told him you would call, and you didn’t. So obviously you think my cousin’s not good enough for you, which means I -” He gestured to himself despite the fact that he was clearly smaller than her, and that she’d proven she could kick his ass before. “- have nothing more to say to you.”

“My phone broke,” she hissed between her teeth, counting to ten in her head and repeating all anger management techniques they’d taught her at the academy.

“Oh,” Hiccup’s cousin stammered.

“And that’s your fault,” she stressed, pointing at him. “If you hadn’t started a fight with Dagur, I wouldn’t have fallen, I wouldn’t have lost Hiccup’s number, and I actually could’ve called him. And since he doesn’t know what the word ‘social media’ means, I couldn’t exactly contact him in any other way.”

“He has LinkedIn,” Hiccup’s cousin shrugged.

“Where he probably doesn’t use the name ‘Hiccup’. And that’s the only name he gave me,” she clarified.

“So now you’re here talking to me because…?”

“I’d like to explain to him what happened, because I never got the chance to. Is he here too?”

“No.” Hiccup’s cousin shook his head. “He stayed home.”

Her heart dropped.

He’d stayed home.

He’d given up.

But she couldn’t.

“Do you think he’d want to come out after all…?” she tried. “If you text him?”

“I doubt it.”

No, no, no.

“And if I call him? Finally?”

Hiccup’s cousin pulled up his eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t have his number.”

“You could give it to me,” she proposed. “Along with your own name, as a back-up. Because you do look like the type with an Insta profile.”

“Girl, you have no idea how many followers I have. Look for Snotlout Jorgenson -” She cocked her head at him, and he rolled his eyes in response. “No, that’s not a stage name or an alias, it’s my actual godsdamned name. You see, my family, it -” Snotlout paused, put up both of his hands and took a deep breath, shaking his head at no one in particular. “No, this is not about me. It’s already the Snotman-show every other night of the year.”

“So you will give it to me?” she asked, only realising her phrasing-failure when Snotlout gave her an exaggerated wink.

“Anytime.”

“Ew.”

Snotlout put his hand on his chest, gasping. “So rude. I don’t even know if I should help you anymore.”

“Oh, come on,” she groaned, getting her phone out of her shoulder bag and checking the time.

23:35.

Time’s running out, Cinderella.

“What’s in it for me?” Snotlout dared to ask.

“You’re helping out your cousin?”

“Am I, though?” Snotlout clacked his tongue. “Only thing I know about you is that you stood him up last time. How do I know you won’t do the same again?”

“Because I’m promising you I won’t,” she stressed, hating how begging she sounded. “And you have my name, you can track me down if I don’t keep my word.”

“Not enough.”

“Then what else could you possibly want from me!?”

“I…” Snotlout continued, smirking as if things were finally coming together. “… will give you Hiccup’s number, if you…” He got his phone out of his back pocket at the lowest speed humanly possible. “… send me the contact details of the cute redhead you were with three years ago.”

“Cute redhead?” She frowned, mentally going over her female friends. She hadn’t been with any of them three years ago, not yet at least. It had just been Hiccup, and… “Wait, Dagur?”

“That’s his name?”

“Dagur, the one you punched in the face because he came up to you and called you, I quote, ‘a snack’? That Dagur?”

Snotlout’s eyes lit up. “Yes, that’s the one!”

“Are you sure? The guy who broke your nose?”

Snotlout put his phone to his chest, dreamingly staring out of the window. “I can’t help but think of him every time I sneeze.”

“Then why did you punch him in the first place?” she groaned through gritted teeth, stuck between wanting to leave as soon as possible and getting to the bottom of this because it was just so thoroughly, completely weird.

“I just wasn’t… in that place, at the time,” Snotlout murmured, barely audible above the pub’s crowd. He looked down at his feet, as if he were actually embarrassed. “One hundred percent convinced I was straight, lashing out against anyone who dared to suggest anything else because I happened to be into theatre and musicals, and my Chris Hemsworth posters were hanging next to my favourite characters from Glee.” He rolled his eyes. “My friend Ruffnut sent me a collage of articles on toxic masculinity as a joke birthday present that year. Turns out they were actually quite useful.”

“Wow.”

“I know, self-insight is truly indescribable,” Snotlout nodded to himself.

“Okay…” She took a deep breath. “I can’t give you Dagur’s number without his consent, -” Snotlout was visibly about to protest, but she put up her finger. “But I can tell you where he is right now, and you can make it up with him and ask him yourself. Deal?”

Snotlout mulled for a bit, then swiped around on his phone and showed her the screen. “Fine.”

Contact details, belonging to ‘Cousincup’. Accompanied by a series of vaguely familiar numbers.

She quickly copied it, double checking whether she had done it right at least three times before telling an increasingly impatient Snotlout what cafe Dagur was at. They left the pub together and she thanked him, dialling Hiccup’s number as soon as Snotlout walked away, her heart beating in her throat.

It rang once…

Twice…

Another time…

Until she finally heard a light beep, and rustling on the other side. “Hello?”

It was him. The slightly nasal yet adorable voice was unmistakably, wonderfully his.

“Hiccup!”

“Yes… Who’s this?”

“It’s Astrid.”

“Oh…” Hiccup stammered. “Oh.”

“We talked three years ago, at the market, and you gave me your number,” she rattled, suddenly nervous. “I fell on my phone when trying to break up the fight, and it broke, so I lost it… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hiccup mumbled, sounding awfully distant. “But then how did you -”

“I ran into your cousin just now,” she explained. “Snotlout. He gave it to me.”

“I see.”

“He’s quite the spectacle,” she joked, hoping to get a smile, anything.

“Yeah, I suppose my condolences are in order,” Hiccup chuckled, finally.

“They’re very much appreciated,” she smiled.

A silence followed, and she cleared her throat. “Look, Hiccup, I’m really sorry about what happened three years ago… I tried to track you down on social media, but I couldn’t, so I just… I just wanted to ask if you wanted to meet up tonight after all.”

It took a moment for Hiccup to respond. “I can’t.”

She hardly registered his next words, too overwhelmed by her heart being thrown off a cliff and dropping straight into a canyon at least as deep as the Mariana Trench. “I can’t leave my dog alone tonight.”

“Oh…” was all she could give him, because this was not how this was supposed to go. With only twenty minutes left in the decade, her normally quick mind shut down.

Say something, Astrid, anything. Ask him to go get coffee tomorrow, or the day after, or just sometime.

“But you could come over here if you’d like to?”

She was dumbstruck for a moment, wondering if that question had just been a fragment of her imagination. But as soon as she registered it, she didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes!”

“Really?” Hiccup sounded more surprised than she was. “How much time do I have to tidy up?”

“That depends on what your address is.”

“Right. Addresses. Very useful for people who want to… go to places.”

She could hear the voice of Chandler from Friends in her head. Could he be any cuter?

“Chief’s Drive. Number three,” Hiccup completed.

She put him on speaker phone and quickly pulled up Google Maps. She didn’t know the street itself, but recognised the area. Exactly on the other side of town from where she lived. No wonder they’d never run into each other.

“Maps tells me it should be like 10 minutes by bicycle.” She checked the time. 23:42. Her heart jumped. “So I’ll be there before midnight.”

“Be careful, though. They’re pretty sloppy when it comes to salting the roads over here.”

She started walking, her bike only a block or two away. “I’m Berkian, I think I can handle it.”

“Of course you can,” Hiccup laughed.

“So I’ll see you there,” she smiled, not quite believing this was actually happening.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too.”

With that, she hung up, and started sprinting. Because she’d been offered a second chance, and she was holding on as tightly as she could.

---------------------------

“Oh Gods, oh Gods, oh. Gods.”

Hiccup had not been joking entirely when he’d asked Astrid how long he had until she arrived. While he was normally quite happy with the way he maintained the house, the thought of Astrid Hofferson coming over suddenly made the whole place seem like an exploded mess and entirely dog.

Toothless watched him with big, questioning eyes as Hiccup rushed around, stuffing doggy toys and blankets in random cupboards, closets, or simply underneath the couch, but didn’t seem to intend to help Hiccup out in the slightest. Pretending he wasn’t the one who had made the mess in the first place. Instead, Toothless simply laid down on the couch - where he knew he wasn’t allowed without Hiccup explicitly saying yes - giving Hiccup a look that clearly said ‘what are you going to do about it, you desperate mess?’.

Hiccup himself was wondering exactly the same thing. He didn’t know why he’d even popped the question.

You could come over here if you’d like to?

Of course he was lying to himself, because he actually did know. He knew that despite him repeating to himself time and time again that he didn’t need Astrid in his life, that he was over her, that it was all just a coincidence and that they weren’t meant to be, that he had been defeated the moment he’d heard her voice on the other end of the phone. He’d tried to play it cool, to make it seem like he didn’t care, so he wouldn’t get caught up in this again. But it’d only taken a few minutes before he’d completely crumbled.

Toothless was right to judge him for it. But it was 2019. The end of the decade in which every year had started or ended with Astrid. And with only a few minutes left on the clock, he allowed himself to be a little superstitious.

So when at 23:55, he found his living room in an acceptable state, he simply sat down on the couch and waited, ruffling Toothless’ fur, his good foot tapping on the floor while the minutes crept by.

She’d said she’d be here before midnight. She’d also said she’d call him, three years ago. But he believed her excuse, tried not to beat himself up over not contacting her himself. He couldn’t change that anymore. But the least he could do now was believe the new promise she’d made him.

After what seemed like an eternity, Toothless started to whimper as fireworks went off outside, marking the start of the new year.

And Astrid wasn’t there.

Hiccup scoffed and sunk deeper into his seat. Of course she hadn’t come. She’d just been playing with him again.

Gods, he was a fool. He was so easy. One would think that after such a long time, after an entire decade, he’d learnt something. She’d been out of his league when they’d met ten years ago, and that hadn’t changed. Although he knew now that he did have value, unlike his insecure teenage self, he still shouldn’t have deluded himself into thinking Astrid truly liked him.

Some girls were simply heartbreakers, after all. And not worth his time.

“At least I have you, right bud?”

Toothless responded with an affirmative bark, and Hiccup supposed that for once, it wasn’t too bad that he’d have to vacuum the couch tomorrow to get rid of all the long black Labrador hairs. They could use a hug right now.

But nevertheless, they both sat up when barely five minutes, right after another salvo of fireworks, the doorbell rang.

And despite all he’d been telling himself, his heart nearly burst with excitement.

---------------------

Astrid hardly looked presentable, snow stuck in her hair and on her clothes, when she finally rang the doorbell of Chief’s Drive, 3. She cursed inwardly when she heard another series of fireworks go off in the distance, confirming what she already knew. She was too late.

What if the spell had been broken?

The fireworks were followed by a short bark, and several footsteps approaching the front door of a house that was very different from what she’d expected. She’d been looking for a student apartment, and had had to check Google Maps again when she’d finally skidded into a street with nothing but pairs of suburban family homes. Was Hiccup still living with his parents? But he had been talking about leaving his dog alone… Maybe they were out tonight?

She was snapped out of her thoughts by scratching, followed by a shout. “Toothless, down!”

Her stomach jumped at the sound of Hiccup’s voice, and completely filled with butterflies when the door opened to reveal a sheepishly looking Hiccup, his hair sticking out to the sides of his head, and an excitedly panting black Labrador.

She cleared her throat. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Hiccup mumbled, rubbing the back of his head and smoothing out his hair, making her quickly comb her fingers through her own.

“Sorry I’m late.” She gestured vaguely to her bike, which she’d left at the side of the street. “You weren’t wrong about them not salting the roads. I almost slipped like four times and had to walk for a while.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am.”

“And you’re here now,” Hiccup smiled softly, warming her heart.

The corners of her mouth pulled up at their own volition. “Yeah. Finally.”

“Do you -” Hiccup awkwardly stepped aside. “Do you want to come in?”

She nodded and crossed the doorway, only to instantly be sniffed down by Hiccup’s dog.

“I’m sorry,” Hiccup apologised. “He’s very curious.”

“Don’t worry, dogs don’t scare me. Is he okay with strangers petting him?”

“Oh, yeah,” Hiccup laughed. “A little too much so, I’d argue. He can’t get enough attention.”

She knelt down, giving the Labrador some well-deserved scratches and pets. “Did I hear you call him Toothless?”

“Yep.”

She laughed, squinting at Toothless’ jaws. “From what I can see, he does have teeth.”

“I got him from the shelter,” Hiccup explained. “He pretended to be a tough guy, like he didn’t need anyone to take him home. As I suspected, he was all bark, no bite. Hence, Toothless.”

“Why would he end up at a shelter? He’s so cute.”

Hiccup crouched next to her, pointing at where Toothless’ left hind leg was supposed to be. But instead, she only saw a stump.

“He lost it in an accident,” Hiccup elaborated before she could ask. Like Hiccup himself, she realised. “His owners didn’t want him anymore after that. Thought he’d be too much work.”

“No wonder he likes to receive some extra love.” She made a silly kissing face. “Don’t you, Toothless?”

Toothless happily wagged his tail and licked her cheek, clearly saying yes. She rewarded him with a few more scratches underneath his red collar, a dragon-shaped pendant hanging from it.

“Let me get you a tissue for that,” Hiccup chuckled, walking down the hall to what she assumed was the kitchen.

She got back up and followed him through a door into a kitchen that was more well-equipped than someone still in, or just out of college should be able to afford, connected to a horribly old-fashioned living room. Whoever did own this house was massively into timber and an embarrassing amount of tacky Viking decorations, ranging from historically inaccurate helmets to an actual longboat on display in a cabinet. The furniture was a thrown-together mix of old, Scottish-looking couches and chairs, finished off by a Scandinavian touch. From IKEA, to be precise. The seemingly only item from the 21st century was a big flat-screen TV, paused on a particularly cute shot of Baby Yoda.

“So you like Vikings, huh?” she grinned as Hiccup handed her a tissue and she wiped off her cheek.

Hiccup smiled, shrugging at his surroundings. “You should blame my dad for that, not me.”

Ah, so he was indeed still living with his parents, like she’d presumed.

“According to him, if you dive really far back into our family tree, you will find us to be actual descendants from Vikings,” Hiccup chuckled, gesturing to himself. “Which is why I look like such a warrior.”

She cocked her head at him and squinted. “I can kind of see it, actually.”

“Sure,” Hiccup snorted. “You’d probably kick my ass even harder than Snotlout’s.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,”  she teased, stepping a bit closer so he was forced to look at her. She could faintly smell him, a mixture of typical guy deodorant and something she couldn’t completely place. Which was his.

It made her want to curl her arms around his neck and get even closer. She was still kind of cold and he looked so warm, so like home, so like someone she had had to miss for way too long. How had she done it all these years, been content with only seeing him for a moment instead of every single day?

She hadn’t been. She’d been fine, she’d been good, but he looked like the gateway to great and she just had to kiss him, her eyes inadvertently darting down to his lips.

But she didn’t completely mind it when he awkwardly cleared his throat instead, because he just looked so darn cute doing it, revealing the gap between his teeth.

“Would you like something to drink?”

She didn’t comment on how he sounded slightly hoarse, and how the freckles on his cheeks now contrasted with a colour quite close to pink. She simply smiled to herself, feeling happy and so, so lucky to have gotten here after all.

“Sure. What do you have?”

“Not that much, actually,” Hiccup illustrated by pulling open a relatively empty fridge. “I wasn’t expecting guests.” He rummaged through one of the cabinets, triumphantly pulling out a brown package and waving it at her. “But of course I do have hot chocolate powder.”

“Well, it’s not real hot chocolate…”

“Obviously.”

“But I think it’ll do.”  

“Oh, it will do,” Hiccup reassured her. “My culinary skills shouldn’t be underestimated.”

He illustrated his point by pulling a pan out of one of the cabinets and twirling it around in his hand, only to almost drop it. She simply chuckled and shook her head as he put it on the stove, awkwardly shrugging at her as if nothing had gone wrong at all.

She let her gaze wander around the room as Hiccup heated up the milk, her eyes following Toothless as he jumped up on the couch, and eventually landing on a side table full of picture frames. Unable to contain her curiosity and since Hiccup didn’t seem to mind, she walked over to them.

It was a collection you’d find in most family homes. They were mostly pictures of Hiccup as a child, looking a lot closer to the boy who’d spilt hot chocolate over her coat than the man currently expertly handling a ladle. Quite a few photographs featured a tall woman she assumed to be Hiccup’s mother, although judging by the clothing style, they were from the 90s at the latest. The least represented family member was a tall man, wearing jeans and a lumberjack shirt in nearly every one of his pictures.

A man whose face she recognised.

“Haddock…” she mumbled.

“Hm?”

“Haddock,” she repeated, looking back at Hiccup. “That’s your last name.”

“Yeah, Henrik Haddock, nice to meet you,” Hiccup smiled. “Did Snotlout tell you?”

“No.” She nodded at the photo frames. “I recognise your father’s picture.”

“Oh.” Hiccup frowned and crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter. “How…? I mean, where…?”

“We have a wall of pictures at the police academy,” she explained. “I enrolled in 2017, and his picture is on there…”

Stoick Haddock, fatally stabbed by an everyday mugger when he’d almost reached retirement age. That’s what people had told her when she’d asked for the stories of brave men and women in the photographs.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she breathed, unsure of what to do with herself when Hiccup almost visibly shrank.

“It’s okay,” Hiccup shrugged. “I got used to having the house to myself.”

To himself…

She glanced back at the photos, realising why there were no recent images of Hiccup’s mother. She didn’t know if she had left, or died, and it didn’t feel like the time to ask. She’d simply been assuming Hiccup was still living with his parents, while instead, this house was simply the only thing he had left of them. The decorations belonging to his father, the old-fashioned style of furniture…

It suddenly all made sense. And gods, she wanted to hug him, hoping to somehow make up for all he’d lost.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated once again, even though she knew her sympathies couldn’t possibly make it any better.

“So you’re with the police?” Hiccup asked, obviously trying to change the topic, his voice soft. He’d turned his back to her, focusing on the pan in front of him.

“Yeah, although I’m still in training.” And you gave me the idea to begin with.

“Do you like it?”

“I do.”

“That’s great.”

He sounded off, so off. Her voice of reason told her she didn’t know him well enough to know his ‘off’, but she walked over to him regardless, leaning on the countertop so she could look at his face. But he pretended to be preoccupied with stirring.

“Is that okay with you?”

Hiccup scoffed lightly. “Why would it matter if I am okay with it?”

She didn’t know the answer to that question either. “Because it does.”

When Hiccup stayed quiet, she continued: “You gave me the idea, actually… Three years ago, when you joked about me being an undercover cop, I kept thinking about that and it just seemed… perfect. Becoming a doctor wasn’t for me, but I always wanted to help people, and I actually really, really like this job.” She had no idea why she was justifying herself to him, but she kept going anyways. “I wanted to tell you, to thank you, but I’d lost your number, couldn’t find any Hiccups on social media, and then on New Year’s Eve 2018 I didn’t get to talk to you because -”

“Because you saw me with Cami,” Hiccup completed. “I know.”

“Are you still with her?”

He’d asked her here himself, so he couldn’t be, right?

“No. We broke up over a year ago.”

And a year ago she was… “And I’ve never dated Eret to begin with,” she implored, because he still hadn’t met her gaze again and it was killing her.

Hiccup simply nodded, sucking on his lower lip before he spoke up again. “To answer your question; I don’t think I would’ve been okay with it if you had told me you’d joined the police two years ago…”

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes. “But it’s been five years since he died, and it’s getting easier to remember all of the reasons why my dad loved his job. Somewhat. And I’m trying to be proud that he gave his life to save that woman, because I know that if he had been given the choice, even knowing he’d die, he would save her life again.” He finally looked at her, his eyes soft and watery. “And if you’re like him, then you’re simply another person to admire.”

Hiccup wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his green sweater, and she instinctively caught his hand on the way down. His eyes flickered down, and for a brief moment she was worried he’d pull away, but instead he interlaced his fingers with hers, making her heart skip a beat.

“Five years ago…” she murmured, taking another step closer. “You were sitting in that bar, and you just looked so…” She squeezed his hand, biting her lip as another piece of the puzzle fell into place. “I get why you didn’t want me to come over to you.”

“I just couldn’t,” Hiccup told her, his voice almost a whisper. He smiled to himself. “But seeing you, even just briefly, made that absolutely dreadful year a little bit less shit. It meant the world me.” He softly rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, sending shivers down her spine. “You did, somehow.”

Somehow. “Those weren’t my best years either,” she admitted, wanting to be honest with him, finally. “I didn’t know where my life was going, I was drinking and sleeping my student days away, and then I saw you at Gruffnut’s and I…” I wanted to go drag you into one of the bathroom stalls. “I just realised that I wanted to be better. For guys like you.” She swallowed, suddenly feeling awkward. She wanted to look away, but his green eyes only drew her in, deeper and deeper. “For you.”

Hiccup’s breath hitched. “So you felt it too…? Every year, every time…”

“Of course I did.” Because it was so obvious, right? In hindsight, it always had been. “Especially after I’d spotted you that year on the terrace, and you’d suddenly gotten unfairly cute.”

“After I’d seen you kiss another guy in the club the year before.”

“I remembered seeing you that year, not him,” she confessed, drawing in closer, also taking his other hand, which had stilled on the ladle. “I should have known then.”

“I should have known when you smiled at me, every time, even if I stumbled over my feet or was hurling my guts into the snow…”

“… especially since I still thought you were cute in spite of that,” she chuckled.

Hiccup laughed with her. “I’m such a Prince Charming.” Then, softer again: “I couldn’t believe my luck when you came to talk to me at the market.”

“My heart broke in even more pieces than my phone when I realised I’d lost your number.”

“I’d looked up all your socials, but didn’t contact you because I thought you weren’t interested after all.”

The confessions were just pouring out of her, with no end in sight. And she didn’t want it to end. “When I saw you with that girl the year after, I thought I’d missed my shot.”

“I figured you’d obviously moved on when I saw you on the back of that motorcycle.”

She inched in closer, looking for his warmth. “And then this year, I couldn’t shake the feeling that…”

“With the end of the decade…” Hiccup nodded, leaning his forehead against hers.

“Tonight was the last chance I had to find you.”

Hiccup squeezed her hands. “I’d already given up. I stayed home, thought I didn’t need you, that it was fine, that if it was never right before, why would it be right now? I’m so sorry, Astrid, I -”

“But I made it here,” she whispered, closing her eyes, her nose brushing against his. “I was too late, I only got here past twelve, but it still feels…”

“… right,” Hiccup completed, his breath hot against her lips.

And then he kissed her.

She had missed the fireworks at 12 o’clock, but she was absolutely sure that they could never measure up against the ones currently setting her body ablaze. The feeling of his lips against hers made her skin tingle, down from her toes up to where Hiccup softly cupped her cheek, deepening their kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in even closer.

They separated after a glorious eternity, leaving the both of them panting as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Hiccup’s beautiful eyes, his gorgeously long fingers sliding down to her waist.

“I don’t know what this is,” Hiccup whispered after kissing her again. “I don’t believe in soulmates, or meant to be, fate is a bitch after all, and -”

“Me neither,” she cut him off, chasing after his lips because it never lasted long enough, because she wanted more.

“But - and this is going to sound really sappy -”

“You talk too much?”

Hiccup’s face broke into a wide grin, and she couldn’t help but smile too.

“I’d like to take this next decade to find out.”

She didn’t tell him she wanted that too. She simply kissed him, giving him all the confirmation they had both so sorely needed for too many years.

It was obvious to her, after all.

It had taken her a decade to find him. And she didn’t want to lose him ever again.

[danscape]

ANNAPURNA CIRCUIT - Day 6 - Pisang to Manang

SUMMIT SNICKERS | JUMBLE GEOLOGY | DEHYDRATION | YAK SELFIE | CREAM CAKE

25th October 2018

THE DAY IN NUMBERS

9 Miles

8 Hours 20 Mins

Starting Elevation 3250m

Finish Elevation 3520m

Average Temperature 23C (Low 16C - High 27C)

Average Heartrate 113bpm (Max 156bpm)

Day 6 on the Annapurna Circuit - A STEEP CLIMB TO enter A land of jumbled GEOLOGY + yaks

Have I mentioned Tibetan bread yet? Well in case I haven’t I will reiterate that Tibetan Bread is the king of breakfasts on the circuit, nothing else fills you up quite so well as you tackle the mornings of ‘Nepali flat’ walking. Breakfast consumed we packed up and weaved our way through the narrow paths of Upper Pisang before the trail opened up ahead of us towards Ghyaru.

There is a choice from Pisang to take the high route (via Ghyaru) or the low route following the road. The choice depends if you want to get in a practice ascent climbing to over 3700m before dropping down to Manang or stick to the gradual climb to Manang. We had decided quite early on the high route would help give our bodies a chance to test our acclimatisation to the altitude. It would also test our minds a little with an insight into what the uphill struggle of pass day might be like.

We had been talking about the climb the previous evening, and so at first there was a sense of nervous anticipation, but it soon dissipated with each breath of the fresh morning air and the distraction of morning light hitting the giants of the Annapurna range.

Day 6 is split into two halves by the climb to Ghyaru.

Our gentle stroll through scattered pine trees and cool morning air was abruptly ended by the sight of the zig-zagging path which rose some 400m to our right, it’s final destination hidden. It was time to join the chain of hikers slowly making their way up the narrow dust trail. The steep climbs on the circuit bring groups of hikers together. It seems no matter if you set off a little earlier or later each day at some point on the slow plod uphill you will overlap or be overlapped by some familiar faces. My tendency to stop every few minutes to take photos (and catch my breath) means I’m particularly likely to see the same faces plenty of times. The momentum from the constant chain of hikers helps nudge you onwards. Finding a rhythm that allows you to keep going for as long as possible becomes a mini obsession. I became acutely aware of the creaking sound my backpack would make with each sequence of steps and this became a metronome I could concentrate on to keep moving.

Reaching Ghyaru after 45 minutes of relentless uphill we joined the crowd in dropping our packs to the floor and taking a seat to enjoy our reward, yes another stunning view of the Annapurna Range. At this point I felt great, the endorphin hit that comes after exercise added with the appreciation of where we were I was on a high. I suppose the sugar from my summit Snickers also helped.

THE VALLEY OF JUMBLED ROCKS

We lingered in Ghyaru for around 45 minutes and gradually familiar groups of trekkers came and went, all heading towards Manang. It was still only just after 9 am and our plan for the day was flexible, we would either stay in Bhakra or try and push on Manang. So we were again in no rush and now we were high in the valley the views across to the Annapurna range had revealed a new perspective. It felt like we were almost level with the snow line and the harsh faces of the mountains became more pronounced. I stopped often to photograph the textures on the other side of the valley where snow fought rock and patterns the likes of which I hadn’t seen before grabbed my attention.

We stopped after another hour or so at a tiny teahouse, I was still awestruck by the mountains opposite as I chewed on a rather crunchy pain au chocolat. Above my head hung on the teahouse walls was a Yak’s head, a sign we were entering Yak land. The next village we would reach would be Ngawal where we would most likely stop for lunch and see how much further we’d go on that day. The standout memory from this part of the trek and the rest of the day was the geology that surrounded us. It feels too simplistic to say it was unlike anything I have ever seen before, but it really was. [Here I wish my geological knowledge would allow me to describe the scenes in more detail.] In each direction you looked there seemed to be a completely different form of rock, rising to different heights and different angles. The individual formations seemed familiar, towers that reminded me of places in Spain, or the sandy colours of the American west but it was the assembly of such variety all in one place that seemed remarkable. Laid bare, we were getting a glimpse into the jumble of geology that was being slowly pushed up from below the surface. The landscape felt alive, a sense of movement you don’t get in the landscapes at home where the hills are rounded by time. In some ways, it reminded me that we really were walking amongst the chaos of a changing landscape where the continent of India continues forcing its way northwards.

GOING DOWNHILL

Reaching Ngawal and catching up with Ryan & Andrew it was still quite early in the day and we decided to continue on without a lunch stop here, mindful that the trail was busy here and arriving as early as possible would offer more accommodation options. Unfortunately for me, the day went downhill, both literally as we now descended back to the valley floor but also physically as I developed a headache and brief spells of nausea. At this point, I was spending most of my time hiking a couple of minutes behind Ryan & Andrew as I stopped often to take photos.

We were now back walking among the sparse pine trees but they offered little shade. At some sections, there were multiple choices of paths that weaved through the woods and it became a little disorienting until the view of the path ahead opened up again. Eventually, we came across a single tea house tucked into the woods and stopped for the classic veg noodles lunch. At this point, I realised I was probably dehydrated more so than suffering from altitude so the break and chance to take on plenty of liquids helped improve my physical and mental condition.

We were now over 5 hours into the day’s walking and after the earlier effort of the climb and despite the benefits of a lunch stop I still found it slow going. The path seemed much quieter now, the long day dispersing the chain of trekkers and with many deciding to stop in Ngawal. We reached Bhakra around 3 pm, it was quiet here also and so we decided to continue on to Manang only 30mins ahead. We were going to rest in Manang for a couple of days anyway so another few minutes would mean we could hopefully unpack and relax there.

As we moved through Bhakra a yak wandered in front of a Buddhist gompa, below houses nestled into rock towers that looked like the pipes of an organ. A memorable Himalayan scene.

YAK LAND

The final approach to Manang wasn’t far and the main attraction for me was again the Yak’s that wandered around the paths. I was completed unaware as to their temperament but I assumed with them being allowed to wander along the busy trail I could probably stop to take a few photos without causing them too much aggravation. We were now down again at river level in an amphitheatre of giant peaks on all sides. The sun was quickly falling in the sky, not far from being consumed by the Annapurna massif and already casting shadows on the landscape.

I lingered in these plains outside Manang for as long as possible, had some fun getting a Yak selfie before joining Ryan & Andrew in wandering the streets of the town in search of accommodation.

As I walked through the uneven streets of Manang Andrew was stood on the roof of a guesthouse being shown the rooftop toilet and signalling it was a no/last resort for that accommodation. Manang is always busy at this time of year as many people stop over a few days to acclimatise then accommodation is in demand. We only had one option, the North Pole Hotel. I’m reluctant to complain about any accommodation in a place such as this, but I can say there are plenty of better options in Manang.

MANANG

Bags dropped it was time to sit and enjoy a pot of tea at the Nilgiri Guesthouse mostly being enticed in by the cunningly placed cakes in the window. Chocolate & cream cake never tasted so good.

I had planned to head back out to the edge of Manang to take more photos in the last light of the day, however, the sun fell much quicker than I expected. As darkness came we headed back to our guesthouse for a cosy night playing cards and eating dal bhat. We just caught a glimpse of the sunset illuminating Annapurna III through the window. Not quite a colourful as a couple of nights before but still a beautiful moment.

MORE FROM THE BLOG

[nazariolahela]

Best Beloved: Chapter 5

A/N: Hey y'all! This is a PM AU I’ve been working on. It’s a bit different than my previous fic series and I’m really excited to try something new. I hope y’all enjoy it. This story is told in dual first-person narrative, from Kaia (F!MC) and Damien’s POV. The first half of this story takes place during Kaia’s freshman year and Damien’s senior year of college. The second half is two years after Kaia graduates. There will be sprinklings of canon in this fic, but we’ll try to step out of the box for the most part. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow @lady-calypso @irishwhiskys-blog @loveellamae​

Synopsis: What happens when you find yourself crushing on your best friend? For years, Damien and Kaia have been friends, while secretly harboring feelings for one another. Everything changes one night after a little too much alcohol and years of pent up feelings. Can they control their emotions and salvage their friendship, or will the feelings they hold for one another destroy everything they have?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Damien and Kaia meet for a study group, but the assignment isn’t the only thing they’re struggling with.

Kaia

“You’re late,” I said, my feet propped up on the table, as Damien shuffled across the library to where I was sitting. It was our weekly study session and we were supposed to start 20 minutes ago, but I was the only one in our group who had grasped the concept of time management.

“Yeah, sorry. This internship is kicking my ass. I had to stay late because we were setting up some new security clearance protocols. Don’t tell anyone though. That information is classified,” he replied as he slid the backpack off his shoulder. He took a seat at the table and shot me a panty-dropping grin. My body instantly reacted. Bastard. How did he keep doing that?

“Yeah, well Brad and Allison aren’t here yet either, so I guess I can’t be too mad at you.”

“You couldn’t be mad at me if you wanted to. You love me.”

I paused. Did he really just say that?  He always knew how to push my buttons. Even when we were kids. It’s like he lived to get a reaction out of me. I cleared my throat awkwardly. “Anyway. We need to get the rest of this project done. It’s due on Monday. Did you finish your part?” 

“Of course I did. What do you take me for?” he grinned, pulling his laptop from his backpack. I watched him from the corner of my eye as he set it on the table and opened it up, powering up the device. “I’m emailing it to you right now so you can add it to the final document.”

I had the unfortunate task of presenting the project to the class, so everyone sent their parts to me. It was my job to outline the project, then organize each part into our PowerPoint.  

“Not gonna lie, this is not how I wanted to spend my Saturday afternoon. I have a very pissed off girlfriend right now,” he said.

I hid my smirk behind my laptop. I know, I know. It wasn’t very nice of me, but I got a little thrill hearing that Damien and Alana were having problems. It wasn’t that I wanted my friend to be miserable, but if he suddenly became single, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I had nothing against Alana personally, but the few times we interacted, she was very cold towards me.

“Hmm...that sucks. So, I have Allison’s part. She emailed it to me last night, but I’m still waiting on Brad’s part. I put your part on slides 5 and 6 to transition from Allison’s slide, then we’ll put Brad’s part on slides 9 and 10 after my part. Then, we should be good to go.” I checked the time on my phone. Brad and Allison were over half an hour late. I sent both of them a text asking when they planned on showing up, then went back to laying out the presentation.

Damien and I worked in silence for several minutes. Occasionally, I would look up from my computer and sneak peeks of him. I couldn’t help but stare at his features. Even after all these years, my attraction for him never waned. He looked up and caught me staring; his lips turned up in a wide grin.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Um...uh...nope. Y-you’re all good!” I replied a little too enthusiastically.

“Then why are you staring at me like that?” he smirked.

I felt my cheeks turn beet red. I quickly looked away and tried to focus on what I was working on, but I could still feel his eyes on me. My phone pinged, breaking the silence — and thank the gods — the tension. I grabbed it and saw a message from Allison. She mentioned that she wasn’t feeling well and would not be able to make our study group tonight, but that she would see us next week. There was still no word from Brad, which I was not surprised by.

I rolled my eyes and placed my phone on the table. “Well, Allison’s not coming. I don’t know about Brad, but I’m guessing if he was going to show up, he’d be here by now.”

Damien shrugged. “No biggie. That kid is a major tool anyway. Not having him here is a blessing.”

I giggled. “True, but we can’t finish without his contribution, so we’re stuck with him until we turn this stupid ass project in.”

“Yippie,” he said in a monotone voice. I rolled my eyes and went back to finishing up our presentation.

We worked for about ten more minutes until my eyes started to blur from staring at the screen. “Well, I guess this is a good stopping point for now. Until we get Brad’s part, this is as far as we can work,”

I stuffed my things in my backpack and slung it over my shoulder when Damien stopped me.

“Hey, you busy right now? Wanna go get a bite to eat?”

I cocked my head in confusion. Was he really asking me to hang out? I had offered to meet him for lunch or coffee outside of our study group several times, but he always had plans with Alana. “Uh…I guess. If that’s okay with you.”

“Obviously it is because I just asked you,” he smirked.

“Yeah, sure. You wanna go now?”

“Nah, I was thinking sometime next month. Of course, I want to go now. When else would we go?” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

I looked down at the yoga pants and hoodie I was wearing. “Well, I was hoping to shower and change before I go out in public.”

“You look fine. No one’s going to give a shit what you’re wearing. Besides, you’re technically already out in public, so it’s a little late for that,” he laughed.

I huffed. “Fine. Where are we going?” 

“There’s a little bistro off-campus that has really good burgers.” He slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his body. The feeling of him pressed up against me sent chills down my spine. I shuddered as he grabbed my backpack and handed it to me, then led me out of the library.  

When we reached his car in the campus parking lot, he unlocked the doors and tossed his backpack in the back seat. I stopped in my tracks. He still had the same car from high school. All the memories of us riding around in this thing on Friday nights came flooding back. He moved to the driver’s side door, stopping to wait for me. “Are you going to get in the car, or are you just going to stand there all day staring into space?” He extended his arm and tapped his index finger to his wrist. “Time’s a-wastin', Park.”

Snap out of it, Kaia. It’s just Damien. But it wasn’t ‘just Damien.’ It was the boy I had been in love with for as long as I could remember. I moved slowly to the car and opened the passenger’s side door, sliding in. He smirked and started the ignition. We drove in silence, the only sounds coming from the radio. A song from our childhood started playing and we looked at each other with goofy grins on our faces.

“Remember the first time we heard this song? You wouldn’t stop singing it for weeks,” he said with a laugh.

“What? It’s a good song,” I replied, singing along and dancing in my seat.

I smiled at the memory that song brought back. It was the summer of 2009. Damien and I were in his backyard, hanging out in the treehouse he and his dad built a few summers before. Two of his younger sisters, Isabela and Carina, were having a sleepover, so he was hiding out. His sister Carina was my age and we were in a couple of classes together, so I was friendly with her, but I spent more time with Damien. The sun had finally set over the horizon so we decided to start up a fire in the fire pit and make S’mores. We climbed down the ladder and he pulled a lighter from his pocket.

“Why do you have that?” I gasped.

His eyes met mine and a smirk spread across his face. “I was smoking a J behind the school gym this morning, so I needed it.” He stared at me for a few seconds, watching my reaction, then burst out laughing. “I found it in the junk drawer in the kitchen, you dork. You know I don’t smoke.”

I leaned over and smacked his arm. “Not funny, Dames.”

“I disagree. I thought it was hilarious.”

“Whatever. Just light the stupid fire. I’ll run inside and grab the stuff to make S’mores.”

“Watch out for the slumber party,” he called back as I walked into the house. I made it to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets, looking for the ingredients we needed. I found the graham crackers and chocolate bars but had no luck locating the marshmallows. I was about to go back outside and asked Damien when I turned and bumped into Isabela.

“Hey, Kaia. Whatcha doing?” she asked, holding several bags of chips in her arms.

“Dames and I are making S’mores. Where are your marshmallows?”

She set the bags of chips down and rummaged around the pantry before locating and tossing me the bag. “So, what’s going on with you and my brother?”

My cheeks instantly flushed. “Wh-what do you mean?”

She smirked. “You know what I mean. You two spend an awful lot of time together. Are you two a thing?”

“No. It’s not like that. We’re just friends,” I lied. Her cocked eyebrow said she didn’t buy my bullshit, but she nodded her head. I grabbed the bag of marshmallows from her hand and hightailed it back outside. "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas blasted through the portable speakers in the yard. I approached Damien sitting in front of the firepit, poking one of the logs with a stick. He was shirtless and the moonlight bounced off the muscles of his toned back. The sight made my mouth water. That was the first time I realized I was in love with him.

I was thrust back into the present by the sound of Damien killing the engine. I looked up and noticed we had arrived at the bistro. We exited the car and made our way inside, snagging a table toward the back of the restaurant. The waitress dropped off the menus and took our drink orders, before leaving us to decide what to eat. I pretended to peruse the menu, but my mind was on the guy sitting in the booth across from me.

“Order whatever you want. My treat,” he said.

“Huh?”

I looked up and he was watching me. He nodded toward the menu in my hand. “Don’t worry about paying. I’ve got it this time.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know,” he said softly, riling up the butterflies in my stomach. Our waitress returned a few minutes later and took our orders. Damien ordered the Maple Bacon Burger while I ordered the Mac ‘N Cheese Burger. The waitress left to put our orders in, leaving us alone again.

“So, now that we’re a month into the school year, how are your classes going?” he asked.

I shrugged, swirling my straw in my glass. “Classes are going well. I’m not ready to drop any of them, so that’s a plus. Dorm life is pretty fun, too. I got really lucky with my roomie. Her schedule is different from mine, so we don’t see much of each other, but one night a week, we hang out.” I tapped my finger against my chin. “It’s crazy to think that we’re already a quarter of the way through the semester, so that means I’m 1/32nd of the way through my college career.”

He laughed. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it. What else is going on? Any interesting guys catch your attention lately?”

My eyes shot up to meet his. Why was he asking me that? I went back to staring at my drink. “Uh...not really. There is this guy in my algebra class who asked me out, but I turned him down.” I peeked at him from under my lashes, unable to make out his expression.

***

Damien

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. On one hand, I wanted her to find someone who would make her happy if I couldn’t. On the other hand, knowing that she wasn’t involved with anyone gave me a tiny sliver of hope. I know she wouldn’t wait for me forever, but I still liked that there wasn’t another guy capturing her attention. Jesus, I was such an asshole.

“So, what happened?” the words left my mouth before I could stop them.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s super nice and really cute, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Which is weird, because there’s definitely an attraction between us. My whole goal for this semester was to step out of my comfort zone.”

She looked up at me, those big, beautiful brown eyes staring into my soul. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, everything about this girl did things to me. Her laugh was like the most beautiful music to my ears. Her sense of humor was aligned with mine. Even her looks were enough to make other girls jealous. When she complained earlier about how she was dressed, I internally rolled my eyes. Even when she didn’t try, she still looked mouth-watering. She was wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a light pink hooded sweatshirt with the words “Rosé and Shine” written in gold cursive letters across the chest. Yes, I looked at her chest. If she busted me, I would’ve just said I was trying to read her shirt.

I awkwardly cleared my throat. “You should give him a chance. Who knows? He might turn out to be a great guy. We all know those are in short supply lately.” Gods, what was I doing? I knew it was the right thing to do, but saying those words hurt.

She nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Maybe he is great and we’ll be really happy together. I just don’t know if I’m ready to start dating yet. I think… I just...I’m not over...” she trailed off.

“You’re not over what?”

“Nevermind,” she shook her head and took a long sip of her drink.

The wheels started turning. Was she talking about me? I know she dated in high school, but Nadia told me those relationships never lasted longer than a few months. She suspected I was the reason for that. Yeah, I know it sounded a tad creepy, but I was able to keep tabs on her, thanks to her cousin’s need to gossip.

One particular moment was that first Christmas after I left for college. I received a text from Nadia asking if I was coming home. She then asked that I keep my distance from Kaia. When I asked her “why,” she told me that she was still upset about what happened after graduation. 

But I didn’t care. I wanted to see my best friend. I dropped by her house to say hi to her parents. They always treated me like the son they never had. Her dad asked how college was going. I told them about my classes and the friends I had made so far. Her mom was filling me in about the neighborhood gossip when I caught a glimpse of Kaia hovering in the hallway. She looked like she wanted to talk to me, but I could tell she was embarrassed to see me.

We locked eyes briefly before she turned around and retreated to her bedroom. I waited a few moments then excused myself to use the bathroom. I stood outside her door, listening for any signs of movement, before lightly tapping on the door. I heard the springs of her mattress squeak under her weight, then the door swung open. She looked adorable in her red and white Reindeer pajama pants and white thermal top. My eyes briefly traveled down and I noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“So, you weren’t even going to come to say hi to me?” I asked.

She shifted on her feet. “I don’t know. I figured you didn’t want to talk to me after what happened last time.” I watched as her eyes traveled up and down my body. It took everything in me to keep from pushing her into her room and kissing her. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. Not only were her parents in the other room, I knew the whole age difference was frowned upon. And what if we did get together and it didn’t work out? I’d lose my best friend forever.

“You’re my best friend, Kaia. No matter what happened in the past, that will never change,” I replied.

“Even when I get drunk and act like a lovesick idiot?” She played with the drawstring of her pants, avoiding my eyes.

I gripped her chin with my thumb and forefinger, tilting her face up towards mine. “There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me want to stop being your best friend. And hey, I don’t hold what happened back then against you. Sometimes we do dumb things when we’re drunk.”

Her face dropped and it told me I had said the wrong thing. I brought my hand up and cupped her cheek and she leaned into my touch. The moment was interrupted when her mom called from the kitchen to ask me if I wanted some hot cocoa. I dropped my hand and gave her a weak smile, then backed away slowly as I made my way down the hall back to the living room. I looked over at my shoulder to see her still standing in her bedroom doorway, watching me go.

I was pulled back into the present when the waitress arrived at our table and delivered our food. The two of us ate in awkward silence, occasionally looking up at each other. After our plates were cleared, the waitress reappeared and I ordered a slice of cherry pie for us to share. When the pie arrived, we each took a fork and dug in.

“So, tell me more about this mystery guy?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

She chewed for a few moments, hesitant to talk about it, then finally spoke. “Well, his name is Hayden. He’s a freshman and a photography major. He’s from Upstate New York and has a Border Collie named Dipper. He also has a twin brother named Harley, but I guess they don’t get along. Nadia loves him and she’s been bugging me to go out with him for the last few days.”

I didn’t know this kid from Adam, but I instantly didn’t like him. Was it jealousy? Probably. Was I going to do anything about it? Nope. “It’s obvious that you like him, so why not go out with him. You’re overthinking this, Kaia.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she sighed and took another bite of pie. At that moment, Alana’s friends Rowan and Cecile walked by. They waved, then stopped short when they noticed it wasn’t my girlfriend sitting in the booth across from me. Cecile gave me a skeptical glance while Rowan looked on in shock. 

“Hey, Damien. What are you up to?” He asked, looking between Kaia and me. 

“Hey, guys! Just capping off a little study session. This is Kaia. She’s an old friend.”

He nodded. “Cool, cool. You guys going to Homecoming next week? Cecile is a candidate for court, so we were going to have a little get-together after the crowning ceremony. You and Alana should come. It’s gonna be fun.”

“Yeah, that sounds good, man. I’ll talk to her about it this weekend.”

Cecile cocked an eyebrow as if to call me out on my bullshit, but didn’t say anything. She narrowed her eyes at Kaia, then turned back to me. “Well, we gotta go. Tell your girlfriend, Alana, hi for us.” She grabbed Rowan’s hand and they walked out. I sighed. I was sure I was going to get a phone call about that by the end of the night.

“Well, that was weird,” she said. “Speaking of, what’s going on with you and Alana?”

Shit, where do I start? “It’s complicated right now. We’re taking a break.”

Her eyes widened. “You guys broke up?”

“Eh...Not exactly. We’ve been fighting a lot, so we’re taking a few days to calm down and re-evaluate the relationship. It’s not how I would have handled things, but she thinks it will give us time to,” I held up my index and middle fingers, making air quotes, “figure things out. She thinks I’ve been neglecting her, which I kind of have been. But she also thinks I’m cheating on her.”

“Wow...I genuinely don’t know how to respond to that,” she replied.

“Yeah, me neither.”

Kaia nodded silently, setting her fork down on the plate. She rested her elbows on the table and folded her hands in front of her face. “Can I be honest with you? This whole relationship seems really unhealthy. There’s a huge lack of trust on both sides. That’s something a break isn’t going to fix. If she doesn’t trust you to be faithful, your relationship is doomed to fail. So, it’s up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. If you think the relationship is worth saving, you need to prove that you’re a reliable partner, and she needs to work through her insecurities. If not, you’re better off ending it now. Especially before you two decide to get engaged or something.”

“I kind of already proposed to her though,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Oh,” she replied. “Well, you should think about doing some sort of premarital counseling before you get married.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because she said no,” I deadpanned.

Kaia went quiet. I waited for her to say something else, but before she could speak, the waitress reappeared to drop our check off and ask if we needed anything else. Neither of us spoke as I paid the bill and we made our way out to the car. I debated asking her what she was thinking but decided against it. We rode in silence back to the dorms. When I pulled up in the parking lot, she grabbed the handle to exit the car, then stopped.

“For what it’s worth, Dames, I am sorry about you and Alana. I might not like her, but you’re my best friend. And if she makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

I nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that. And hey, let me know how things go with Hayden.”

She frowned slightly, then quickly covered it up with a smile. “Will do. I’ll see you in class on Monday. Have a good weekend.” She got out of the car and took off running towards her dorm.

I dragged my hand down my face. Get it together, Dames. She was my best friend. And I had a girlfriend. I got out of the car and headed toward my dorm. When I reached my floor, I swung open the door to my room and was met by the cold stare of my girlfriend, sitting on my bed, her hands folded in her lap.

“Alana? What are you doing here?” I asked as I moved into the room. She rose from the bed and made her way towards me.

“Cecile texted me.”

Shit. I knew this was coming. “Babe, it’s not what you think.”

Her eyes gave away nothing as she took a deep breath. “It’s not important. What matters is you and me.”

Confused, I grabbed her hand and sat down on the bed. “You know I love you, babe. And I know I’ve been a shitty boyfriend these last few weeks, but I want to make this work and I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

She nodded, but her face told me she didn’t believe me. I sighed and pressed a kiss to her temple. It was going to be a long night.

[are-you-jungood]

Hoodie Chapter 3

Shownu X Reader

Author’s Note: 

Special thanks to @xoktie on picsart for making this amazing edit for me!! Go check her stuff out if you have the chance, she never disappoints!!

Also ya’ll can re-blog, just please don’t re-post somewhere else! If you do, at least credit me (please and thank you)! Also, I’m so sorry about this bar scene. I’m 18 so I’ve never been in one, so the description of the server/customer dynamics and norms may be a little off lmao. Other than that, enjoy!!

Brief Recap:

You were dead tired from throwing yourself into your work by the time Minhyuk started packing up to leave.

“Are you coming out drinking with us tonight?”

You were half tempted to decline because of how exhausted you were, but you figured one beer wouldn’t hurt too much.

“Sure! Who else is going?”

“Hoseok, Kihyun Yoo and Hyungwon Chae from marketing, Jooheon Lee and Changkyun Im from the Analytics department. A bunch of girls from accounting are tagging along as well.”

... You had a feeling tonight was going to be interesting, but nothing could’ve prepared you for what was going to happen next. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You pulled into the parking lot of the bar. It was 8:00 pm on a Thursday, but the place was already packed. You spotted Minhyuk waving at you from the back and made your way over, skirting around the crowded dance floor in the process. 

“Look who finally made it!”

Minhyuk came over and put an arm around your shoulder sloppily, clearly already a few drinks in, and walked you to an empty seat at the table where the rest of the group was seated. As you sat down, you noticed that the pitcher on the table that was once full of beer was now being emptied into Jooheon’s glass.  You laughed and said in fake annoyance, “What, you didn’t save any of that for me?” Jooheon looked at you seriously for a second and then busted out in his best aegyo. You couldn’t help but laugh at his adorable pout. Huffing a sigh of defeat, you said, “Fine, I guess I’ll go order another pitcher for the table.” Everyone cheered at that and you left your friends, feeling like some sort of hero.

As you waited for the nice bartender to fill up your pitcher, you couldn’t help but overhear the loud conversation of the two girls sitting next to you.

“He’s so hot, right? Like, super manly hot!” 

The girl next to her leaned over and fake whispered, “Yes! He could scramble my eggs any day.”

Out of pure curiosity as to what this person would look like, you turned your head to find the poor soul that they were gawking at was actually Hyunwoo. He had just come through the door and was making his way toward your table of friends.

“Oh, God. Why is this happening? I’m not drunk enough to handle this.”

You turned back around and accepted the full pitcher of beer from the bartender. Tentatively, you made your way back to your friends and sat the pitcher on the table. Surprisingly, only Hoseok and Jooheon noticed your arrival. The rest of the group was busy peppering Hyunwoo with questions (including three girls from the accounting department who were practically throwing themselves at him).

One of the girls started giggling at something Hyunwoo said as another put a hand on his arm. Another one tossed her hair to the side and looked at him flirtatiously as she said, “So, I heard you went to X University. That’s a notorious party school, right? Were you a frat boy?”

You restrained yourself from letting out a groan at this superficial, and frankly vomit inducing, flirting.

Hyunwoo however, being a simple man, did not pick up on any of these flirtatious actions.

“Well, we were known for our partying, but it’s actually a really good school. I rushed a fraternity the summer of my sophomore year, but I found out I cared about our school’s dance club a lot more.” 

The girl who asked gave a bit of a disappointed look at hearing this and seemed to lose interest. After a stretch of silence, she got up and left with the lame excuse of needing to powder her nose. It was this point in the conversation, however, that you suddenly gained a lot more interest.

-------------------------------5 years earlier-----------------------------------

You had met Hyunwoo freshman year in your UNI100 class. You both happened to be the really quiet people sitting at the back of the class, hoping not to get called on. You never even looked twice at him until the day of your first dance club meeting. He was all shy smiles and sun kissed skin before the music started playing. He commanded the attention of the entire room the second he started moving. Each turn, glide, and hip thrust left the entire room hungry for more. When his powerful performance finally drew to a close, every single head was turned in his direction. His breathing was heavy and he was completely soaked with sweat as he made his way over to the side to sit and watch the others perform.

 You had joined the club begrudgingly at the persistent pestering of your best friends who were in it. You weren’t a good dancer like they were, so you opted for the more technical side of things and took on the job of setting up the sound system and coordinating everyone's songs as well as being everyone’s emotional support and cheerleader at competitions. When you saw Hyunwoo dance that day, it stirred something in you that you had never experienced before. He moved with such heartrendingly beautiful grace despite the amount of power and force put in his movements that you couldn’t help but be a little bit curious as to who this Hyunwoo was. 

You didn’t have the guts to talk to him after that practice, but one day in your UNI100 class he happened to forget his pencil and you were more than happy to oblige him. This got you both talking about the club, your majors, life in general, and the rest is history.

-----------------------Present--------------------------------------

Hoseok snapped in front of your face, drawing you out of your thoughts. 

“Earth to (y/n)! What’s up with you, today? You’ve been spacey since lunch.”

He scooted closer to you, feeling your forehead with the back of his hand saying, “You’re not catching a cold, are you? You know you don’t have to work so hard all of the time. It’s okay to take a break every once in a while.”

You huffed in slight annoyance at his fussing (even though you enjoyed it just a little) at swatted his hand away.

“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day of revisiting things from my past that I thought I had let go of.”

Subconsciously your eyes wandered over to Hyunwoo who was sat between Minhyuk and Kihyun acting as a sort of referee for the drinking game the two were playing. Hosek, being the astute observer he was, followed where you were looking and let out a slight gasp at the connection he made.

“That’s not-”

 “Yup.”

You took a sip of your beer and stared up at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears that started to sting your eyes. You didn’t realize how much you had been holding in until now. Hoseok, picking up on your sudden mood change, suggested the two of you go on the dance floor and let go for a bit. You agreed with the condition you could take your beer with you,  seeing as you didn’t have a better idea. You weren’t going to let old history ruin your night, especially when you have a caring friend like Hoseok. You danced your heart out, forgetting about all of your problems for a while and threw yourself into the pulsing beat of the here and now. The night continued on, one beer turned to five, and you were stumbling over yourself and slurring your words when Hoseok and Minhyuk finally cut you off. 

“Are you good to drive Minhyuk? I’ve got room in my car if you need a ride.”

“That’s okay, I got an uber. They should be pulling up soon. See you at the office.”

Hoseok waved goodbye to him and turned to you.

“You are definitely in no shape to drive. I’m taking you home and I’ll come by tomorrow morning to pick you up for work so you’re not stranded.”

All you could get out was a strangled grunt in assent as he half-dragged/half-carried you toward the door. 

You had just made it to the front of the building before a familiar voice called out to the two of you. You turned around quickly and sloppily which didn’t help everything stop spinning. You clutched at Hoseok’s arm to keep from falling over and squinted to see Hyunwoo carrying a semi-passed out Kihyun on his back.

“Do either of you know where Kihyun and Jooheon live? They’re both passed out and won’t tell me their address, so I can’t take them home. Changkyun was supposed to be their DD but he bailed to hookup with some chick.”

Hoseok sighed a little and said, “I know where those two idiots live. I would give them a ride, but that’s in the complete opposite direction from (y/n)’s apartment and she’s in no shape to drive herself, let alone be left on her own here.”

“ I can drive her. I don’t have enough room in my car to fit those two in it anyway.”

They both looked at you, assessing your condition, when finally Hoseok said, “I don’t really know if I’m comfortable with that, we just met and all and you don’t know where she lives so-”

“It’s the same apartment on Dodd street, right? Number 7?”

Hoseok blinked, trying to come up with a better reason to refuse him when you spoke up and slurred out, “Just let him take me, ‘seokie  [hiccup]. How much worse can it get? I just want to go to bed~”

Hoseok stood there for a few more seconds before he sighed and said, “Alright, fine. But only because this situation couldn’t be helped because I can’t remember both of their literal addresses. (y/n), call me when you get in so I know you’re okay.”

You nodded your head, despite it feeling like lead, and walked out with the boys to the parking lot. Hyunwoo put Kihyun down in the passenger seat and buckled him in as Hoseok did the same to Jooheon in the backseat. They were both sleeping like babies, much like you wished you were.

Hyunwoo turned and looked directly at you (the first time all night, to your recollection) and asked, “Are you ready to go? I parked over there. Do you think you’ve got it, or do you need help.” 

You moved to protest, but your legs were a lot heavier and unsteadier than you remembered, so you stumbled into him instead. He caught and steadied you before he picked you up bridal style and carried you off to his car, saying something to Hoseok about leaving. As soon as your head hit the headrest, sleep consumed you. 

You didn’t wake up when he pulled up to your building, or when he somehow managed to carry you to the door of your apartment. You did, however, wake up long enough to dig your keys out of your purse to give to Hyunwoo, but slipped immediately back into that sweet blackness shortly thereafter.

You woke the next morning to the painfully loud ringing of your alarm clock. You slammed the off button and rolled over, sighing in annoyance and pain. Getting, up you shuffled quickly to the bathroom, a wave of nausea hitting you at the smell of breakfast being cooked in the kitchen. When you finished in the bathroom, you made your way to the kitchen, shielding your eyes from the painfully bright light that seemed to be everywhere. You were just about to chastise your roomate for cooking such smelly food when you have a major hangover when you realized it wasn’t Emma but Hyunwoo who was manning the stove.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

[batfam-imagines]

Hope

This is loosely based off another fic I wrote for one of my other blogs @mymarvelimagines here’s the link to the original fic: Is That Her? Obviously this fic has quite a few changes, so I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

———————————————————————————–

“I can’t, Arthur. I have a date tonight!”

Arthur lets out an exasperated huff, “I don’t really care what you have planned. You’re my Captain of the Guard, and I need you at this Justice League meeting. I’m going to introduce you to the rest of the JL members. Mera said I’m no longer allowed outside of Atlantis without an escort, so I’ve chosen you.”

You let out a huff and debate on just hanging up on your king, but eventually decide against it. “Very well. I’ll cancel my date, but next time I want at least 24-hours’ notice. You know I hate this last-minute shit.”

“You aren’t in the place to demand anything, Y/N. I am your king”

“Funny. I thought you were my brother. It’s you who can’t demand anything from me. I was your Captain of the Guard but got tired of all the ‘half-breed’ comments people kept making. You know damn well that I chose to live on land, so you can’t demand anything from me anymore!” You can feel the oceans magic that constantly thrums beneath your skin rising up as you speak, preparing for a fight. The days of you being an official Atlantean are long over, and sometimes Arthur willfully forgets that.

Arthurs growl crackles over the phones speaker, “Fine, you were one of my best fighters. I would greatly appreciate it if you would come with me this afternoon to the Watchtower. The soldiers still respect you, and the war council will take your word more seriously than mine. You’ve fought beside them more than I have, Y/N, you have their trust”

“And?”

Your brother groans, “Seriously? Alright, alright. Next time I need you I’ll try to give you some more notice”

“And?”

“Damnit, woman! I’m sorry! Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m sorry for being a total ass, and for trying to pull the whole king-thing on you”

“Thank you! It’s like pulling teeth to get an apology out of you!”

“Can you just be ready at 6 tonight?” You grunt an affirmation, and Arthur sighs, “You know I miss you, right? It’s just not the same without having you here”

“I know, but I’m not coming back, at least not permanently. And, you know, if you miss me so much you could swim your lazy ass back home and visit me and dad” You glance over at your aging father, sitting hunched and quite on the pier. “You should really come visit him soon, Arthur. He misses you”

“I will, Y/N. I promise, once this meeting is over tonight, I’ll be staying for the weekend. Speaking of, wear your gear, I want to show up the Bat and his brood, but keep your hood off. You’ll be getting to know everyone’s identities tonight”

“Fine, now I have to go. I need to call my date and cancel and make dad some breakfast. Oh, and warn your friends, if I get stopped by some kind of security it won’t be pretty”

“Noted, brat. I’ll let everyone know not to mess with my badass little sister”

“I’m only 8 minutes younger than you!”

Arthur lets out a barking laugh, “I’m still the oldest! See you tonight!”

–

Once Arthur hangs up, and breakfast is made, you retreat to your room to call your date: Jason. Koriand'r had introduced the two of you when the Outlaws had a mission that crossed Atlantean borders, and the two of you had instantly clicked. By the end of the mission they two of you decided to keep in touch. At first by sending letters, and once you had moved onto land by exchanging numbers. But even though you’d been talking to him, had even been considered his friend for almost a year, he hadn’t let you see his face. Whenever Snapchat was used, or the two of you video-chatted, Jason was always wearing at least his domino mask. Tonight was supposed to be the first night where you finally saw his entire face. But now you had to cancel.

Jason picks up on the first ring, “Hey, Y/N, I was just getting ready to call you”

You can’t help but smile at his sleep-roughened voice, it wasn’t easy being awake during the day when most of your crime-fighting happened at night. “Oh really? You just couldn’t wait until tonight?”

He chuckles, “Unfortunately not, sweetheart. Batman called me in on a last-minute assignment, he actually called all of us in, wouldn’t give any details until tonight though. I’m not real sure what the hell is going on, but I’m gonna have to cancel our date.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, you close your eyes in relief. You really hated to cancel plans or disappoint people, and now you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not being able to make the date. “That’s fine, Jay. That’s similar to what I was gonna say too. My brother called me, said he needed me for some secret meeting tonight”

“Crime never sleeps, doll. Guess we’ll just have to reschedule when no annoying brothers or crazy family members can reach us”

“Yeah, Jay, we definitely will. If you think you can get out of showing me your face because of one botched date, then you’re sorely mistaken”

Jason chuckles, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N. I’ll text you tonight after this thing for B, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll let you know how my meeting goes. Bye, Jay”

“Bye, Y/N”

–

You stroll up to the ZETA Tube at 5:55 pm, “Hey, Arthur!”

Your brother pushes himself off the disguised transportation machine with a scowl, “You’re late”

Checking your watch, you flash a bright smile, “I’m not late. You said to be here at 6, it 5:57. And plus, I just had to stop for some chicken nuggets on the way here”

“Did you get me any?”

“I did, but then I ate them”

Arthur huffs, “Rude, I freaking love chicken nuggets. You’re getting me some after this damn meeting”

You roll your eyes, “Thought you were the ‘big brother’, aren’t you supposed to take care of little ol’ me?”

“Shut up and get in the ZETA. If I’m late to another meeting Batman will feed me to his children”

“Batman’s up there?” Arthur nods as he punches in his access code, “Cool, I always wanted to meet him”

–

“So, brother dearest, what’s this meeting about anyway and why do you need me to convince the War Council to take action? You’re the king, can’t you just command it?”

“I could try, but ever since you left any war actions I make are questioned. You were the one who actually won your arena fight, you gained their respect by the old laws. I only have it because I was deemed worthy enough to wield King Atlan’s trident.” Arthur’s shoulders slump slightly, “I just need you to listen to what the others have to say, then decide if Atlantean troops are necessary, okay?”

“Okay, okay. I will”

The two of you marched into the meeting, heads held high, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my sister, Y/N. She’s -”

“Y/N?!” A man quickly stands up from the back of the room where he’d been leaning against the wall. He wasn’t wearing a mask, none of the heroes were now that you’d had the chance to notice, but that shock of white hair was unmistakable.

“Jason? What -?”

“You’re Atlantean? Why the hell didn’t you ever tell me that?! You never fuckin’ told me that you were Aquaman’s sister!!”

“I thought would be something you tell someone on the first date! Not over the phone!”

A dark-haired man, Nightwing going by his costume, leans closer to Jason, “Is that her? The girl you’ve been talking to for months now but were too shy to meet up with? I can see why you were nervous, Littlewing, she’s -” He’s cut off as another boy, this one shorter even than him and fine-boned – probably Red Robin – shoves an elbow into his side.

“Leave Jay alone, Dick. This is the first girl he’s shown more than a passing interest in since he’s been back” The pale boy smiles at you innocently, but his eyes are calculating. He plays innocent, used to people underestimating him before he strikes.

Then your eyes turn to the smallest of Jason’s brothers, the current Robin, who has yet to say anything. He just continues to sharpen one of his many swords while watching you, and smirks when your eyes lock. You can’t help but wonder if he’s ever trained with a trident.

Superman clears his throat, drawing everyone’s attention back to the center table, “Back to the reason we’re all here … We’ve received word that your half-brother is planning to start a war, and we need to help us stop it”

“Orm is always trying to usurp Arthur and take back the Atlantean throne, this isn’t anything new. Unfortunately, he’s … exceedingly difficult to capture because several of our people are still loyal to him, and Mother does not want him killed.” You sit down next to Arthur and Batman, quickly scanning over the notes they have about Orm’s forces.

Batman turns slightly to face you, “He isn’t just planning to attack Atlantis this time. He plans to start a war between the Atlanteans and Amazons that will wipe out most of the human race. He managed to hack our servers with the help of Black Manta and found the file for when Flash went to an alternate timeline where Amazons and Atlanteans were at war, destroying both themselves and us. The only way to stop this war from happening is to work together”

Nodding along, you continue to read the list of possible plans that the Justice League have written out, “Mmhmm. So looking at these, our little brother was planning to kill Queen Hippolyta and blame it on our people, causing your people -” You gesture across the table at Wonder Woman, “- to retaliate and kill Queen Mera, thus causing a huge war. And let me guess, he would ride in, or I guess swim in, with his little army and turn the tides of the war causing the Atlanteans to be victorious. All of our people would hail him a savior, Arthur would be booted off the throne, and Orm would once again rule all the oceans as Ocean Master, but this time he would have control of the land as well”

Flash nods along, quickly demolishing 6 more hotdogs as you talk, “Yeah, that’s pretty much what’s gonna happen if we don’t do anything! You’re really good at this”

Jason leans over the back of your chair, “So, sweetheart, you got any ideas on how to stop the end of the world from happening?” One side of his mouth curls up in a handsome smirk, “’Cause, if the world’s at war, then we can’t go on our date”

Arthur’s hand tightens on his trident, “Watch it, brat. I’ll skewer you and feed you to the Karathen”

“I don’t need you to defend my honor, fish-brains, I can take care of myself” You wink up at Jason before turning back to everyone else, “As for an attack strategy, Arthur and I will go down to Atlantis and convince the War Council to mobilize our forces. We’ll set up a perimeter in Themysciran waters, that way when Orm arrives we can meet him head on -”

“Only women are allowed on Themyscira, we do not allow men to freely roam our island” Wonder Woman’s eyes lock on Arthur, “Not even kings”

You nod, “That’s perfectly fine. If you want, only our female soldiers will get close to your islands’ borders, the men can be kept further away. Queen Mera and I will need to talk you’re your queen and general about the upcoming battle, I can show you the places to attack on Atlantean armor.”

“Very well. My mother will be much more … amiable to your plans if the men stay away” Wonder Woman extends her hand towards you, “I am Princess Diana of Themyscira, you may call me Diana. Once you have met with your people, I will be the one guiding you”

“It’s nice to meet you, sorry my little brothers a little - ” You swirl your finger by your temple, “- crazy”. You and Diana spend the next few minutes discussing the layout of Themyscira, the entire time you’re completely aware of Jason still leaning on the back of your chair having a hushed conversation with his brothers.

“Okay, now that everyone knows how beautiful the island is, are we ready to talk about weapons?”

Batman’s eyes flash up to his son, “Jason -”

“I’m serious! If we base Amazon fighting technique on Diana, then they predominantly use swords or something similar, shields, arrows, and hand-to-hand: mainly close range. But Atlanteans have the technology to fight at a distance, they have weapons that only need water to power them. Both Atlanteans and Amazons are equal in strength and speed, but if Orm manages to drive the fight to the water then it’ll be a massacre! Shit, he won’t even have to drive anyone to the water, plenty of Atlanteans are trained in magic and can bring the water to the fight!”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on Jason now, and you can’t help the slow smile that splits your face. Knowing that Jason, someone who’s physically attractive and who you’ve wanted to go on a date with for a long time, is smart enough to see flaws in a potential battle is ridiculously attractive. “Then tell me, Jay, how should we plan to overcome these flaws?”

Jason flushes pink, “I-I mean you guys are the battle experts, I don’t know everything -”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Littlewing! You’re the one who pointed out the flaws, you must have a way to fix them!” Nightwing gives his brother an encouraging pat on the shoulder, “Come on, tell us what you got”

“Okay. Well, Black Manta is human, right? So if he was able to figure out how to use Atlantean technology enough to build his own suit then we should be able to teach Diana’s people enough to shoot Atlantean guns. First we need to lay a trap though, get Orm and his fighters away from the water. They’ll be weaker, and easier to take down without easy access their main power source. Plus, only royals can breathe air, so if we can plan a stealth attack and expose the soldiers to air then they’ll be useless to Orm and his cause.” Arthur looks up at Jason in surprise, both at his knowledge of Atlantean physiology and of the possibility that his strategy could actually work.

“We’ll fine tune the plan once we know exactly how many soldiers and weapons we have available to us” You glance around the room, “Meet back here same time tomorrow with more information?”

Diana nods, “Yes, that should give me enough time to contact my mother” The Amazon stands without another word and leaves the meeting room.

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice, Y/N. I know you had other plans tonight” Batman stands as well, holding his hand out for a brief shake, before leaving with a swish of his cape.

The other heroes take Batman’s departure as a que and all stand to leave as well. Arthur grabs his trident from where is was leaning against the wall, “Alright, brat, looks like we’ll make it home in time to see Dad before bed”

“Wait, Y/N, before you go -” Jason scratches the back of his head lightly and clears his throat, out of the corner of your eye you can see Arthur walk over to talk to Superman, “- I know this wasn’t exactly the way our first in-person meeting was supposed to go, but you were amazing discussing battle strategies with Diana. And I was wondering if …”

“Will you go on a date with me?” You interrupt, the words coming unbidden from between your lips, “Like a real date, not one where there’s a bunch of other superheroes around and we’re trying to stop World War III. Not that you weren’t amazing -”

“Ugh, you guys are horrible at this” Red Robin just seems to appear at Jason’s elbow, “Hi, I’m Tim, Jason’s younger brother.”

“Replacement!”

“Don’t mind him, his time dead kind of stunted his emotional growth. He’d love to go on a date with you! Jason’s a total romantic at heart, so he’s the kind to pack a picnic and watch the sunset, you know? But if you aren’t into that I can schedule a dinner at the nicest restaurant in Gotham -”

“Drake, do you really think Todd would go to you for assistance if he needed to find a decent eatery? You survive off of granola bars and coffee. Besides, I have a much more refined palate, I will be assisting Todd in choosing his dates with the Atlantean” The smallest brother, the current Robin, sticks his nose up in the air with an amount of arrogance that you’ve only seen from people born and bred as royalty.

“Damian! We’ve talked about being mice to Tim! Why don’t we all help Littlewing with his date. I mean there are so many great places he can take her! There’s the pier, the aquarium -”

You snort, “Are those all water themed because I’m Atlantean?”

Jason groans, his hands raking through his hair, “Will you three go away? I don’t want to shoot you, but you’re starting to piss me off enough where I think that might be a good idea” The taller man turns back to you as his brothers make their way down the same hallways that Batman had gone down, “After meeting them I totally understand if you want to take back your offer for a date”

“Nah, they seem like fun” Jason raises an incredulous eyebrow, “To mess with that is, I mean that’s what siblings are for. And honestly Tim’s idea of a date was the one that sounded the best”

“The fancy dinner in Gotham?”

“No, no. I mean packing a picnic and watching the sunset. Picking out constellations, talking, getting to know each other more” You reach up and gently skim your fingertips across Jason’s strong jaw, “Maybe one on the beach, away from the city”

“When this whole war this is over, I’m taking you up on that, Y/N. You won’t be able to get rid of me” Jason pulls you into a brief hug before he starts backing toward the same hallway his brothers had gone down, “I’ll call you tomorrow morning when I get off patrol, alright?”

“Yeah, Jay. Talk to you in the morning”

The imminent future looks dark and full of bloodshed, but beyond that there’s hope. Hope for a future, hope to rebuild everything that will be lost, and hope for peace. Already you can feel your phone buzz with a mew message, and your brother nudges you playfully when you finally join him. There’s hope for the future, you just have to get to it.

———————————————————————————–

Let me know what you think! Send any ideas or requests you have to my Ask Box!

[fisherfurbearer]

17 Questions

Tagged by @poikilomatters !! Well tagged my main blog but this is what I use most lol.

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to know better

Nickname: I don’t think I have one?? I guess folks sometimes call me Bri (pronounced like the cheese) in person but I’m indifferent.

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Height: 5′ 3.75″ exactly

Hogwart’s House: Hufflepuff!

Last Thing I Googled: “native snakes in the united states” I love learning about native fauna and flora. Also recently finished reading up on a lot of Good Stuff about coniferous trees and also turkeys for some reason. Also I usually have something like 140-160 tabs open at a time, for research purposes. Right now its 11 windows and 198 tabs but that’ll go down shortly after I finish reading about Native Snakes. c:

Song Stuck in my Head: “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” by Creedence Clearwater Revival...they sure do love singing about the rain!

Following and Followers: Following 512?? Some are probably inactive these days though I’ll have to go through them. Followers on this blog is 462! And none of them are bots, which I viciously block!! And any not-nice folks (t.erfs, etc.) or blatant porn blogs.

Amount of Sleep I Get: These days, way too much...usually get up around 11-12ish and frequently get tired around 3-4 pm and sleep until like 6-9 pm. It’s really not good. But I do get a LOT done in the brief periods of time I’m awake, so that’s good!

Lucky Number(s): I’m not sure!! I don’t believe in lucky numbers, just numbers that “look” nice/clean. Ex. Anything that ends in 0 or 5 is great. If it has to be below a dozen, then any even numbers below 12 or odd numbers 3 and 5 look “good.”

Dream Job: It’d take too long to talk about but I basically want to have a small farm/orchard and conserve native heritage livestock and plants, as well as historically important or ancient breeds/strains, and do a lot of hands-on conservation work for our local forests and rivers...might even attend Mont Alto in a few years if things go that way, and get an associates in Forestry. Really just want to work with Trees and Animals, especially Bugs and Reptiles and Livestock and Birds and what have you. Ideally mostly from home or in the field, self-employed mostly with art on the side. But I’d love to work with other folks too and do some fieldwork.

Wearing: Shorts and a gaudy floral shirt from walmart.

Favorite Song(s): UHH there are too many so I’ll just list the sort of CDs I have in my car off the top of my head...let’s see...

- Billy Joel (my FAVORITE!! I have an old four CD collection, I’m only missing a few songs!!)

- Electric Light Orchestra (I HAVE ALMOST ALL THEIR SONGS, MR. BLUE SKY ISNT THE ONLY ONE!! MOST PEOPLE ARE MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH!!!!!)

- Metallica (Just a couple CDs...recently got Kill em All, it’s alright just so low quality)

- System of a Down (like 2-3 CDs worth I unironically love their music, very ahh...aggressive compassion??)

- Rage Against the Machine (I think it’s The Battle of Los Angeles? Not my favorite but I think if I heard more I’d like them a lot)

- Rob Zombie/White Zombie (sometimes too not-nice for my liking but the songs I dig I REALLY dig)

-Baby Metal (THEY’RE SO GOOD, I LOVE THEM)

- Creedence Clearwater Revival (my current favorite for those long drives along the river!)

- Johnny Cash (two CD collection, missing a lot of songs though that I’d love to have)

- Elton John (only Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, which is my favorite album by him. I’ve listened to it so many times)

- Billy Eilish (what can I say, she’s frickin’ great)

- Tom Lehrer (not a conventional one but I have a burned CD collection of his from an old friend from years ago and I still love it to bits, just take with a grain of salt and remember it’s supposed to be ripping satire)

- Allan Sherman (same thing as Tom Lehrer, old burned CD from a friend, frickin’ funny, think if Weird Al was a thing in the 1950s)

......also been on the hunt for Of Monsters and Men, Florence and the Machine, and David Bowie for ages but I can never find them. Also Dragonforce, I unironically LOVE Dragonforce, as well as Rhapsody of Fire and Gloryhammer (I’d CRY if I found Space 1992: Rise of the Chaos Wizards on CD, that’s my FAVORITE)...they’re all such Big Mood. I also might be forgetting some but I think that’s pretty complete, I have Varied Preferences but it’s mostly Chill, Jivin’, or Metal.

Instrument(s): Own a ukulele but I haven’t picked it up in ages

Favorite Author(s): Ray Bradbury, by far, although my favorite NOVEL is One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and my favorite DRAMA is Waiting for Godot  by Samuel Beckett. I also enjoy Ursula Vernon’s work, she was a big inspiration of mine when in middle school-high school.

Favorite Animal Noise(s): The peeps/songs the button quail make, the squeaky toy and buzzing powerline call of grackles, Mr. Jinx’s meows (rip in rest old man), spring peepers, catbird calls, and mockingbird noises. Also Hagrid’s hisses are very amusing too.

Aesthetic: Tank top + overshirt + jeans...instant outfit, ready for anything. Also comfy dresses.

Tagging: Oh man I don’t know a lot of folks...uhh! @craftingwithcat @eclectus-mom and whoever else wants to do this !! ! !

[quarantinewithbean]

The Beginning

Really, this isn’t the beginning, it’s just the beginning of this blog. I really wanted to blog about my fertility journey from the start, but I was always so consumed with the “next step” and my own frustrations with continually NOT getting pregnant that I didn’t ever make the time. I’m not sure, maybe I had a fear that writing about it would make it even more real that it wasn’t happening. Maybe I was afraid it would somehow make my fear of never being able to have kids somehow come true. Or, perhaps it was just because I’ve always had a habit of starting a diary/journal/blog with great intentions but not continuing them (I have a stack of diaries with about 10 pages written in each from various years). I’m guessing it was a combination of things.

Then, by the time we finally became pregnant this past October after 4 years of trying (”trying” meaning: having countless doctor’s appointments, having to see reproductive specialists, shedding more tears than I would like to admit to, going through multiple unpleasant and painful medical procedures to figure out the source of our infertility, eventually having a surgery to open one of my Fallopian tubes, going through multiple rounds of fertility medications, and basically owning stock in pregnancy/ovulation test kits by the end of it), I was so ecstatic that I did not want to revisit any of the painful memories of how upsetting it was to get that negative test month after month. So, I didn’t start a blog. I just reveled in the happiness that I finally had a little bean in my belly. Well, reveled in happiness and morning sickness for a solid trimester and a half. But even that incessantly burning nausea couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face.

Now, fast forward and here I am, here we are together, and the world has been absolutely turned on its head. (Actually, that is putting it lightly. If I am being real, it feels more like the world has taken a giant shit all over everyone and everything and just can’t stop. Sort of like the cast of the original Bridesmaids after they all got food poisoning. That is our world at present.) I now have an even more incredible opportunity to document what it is like to survive these times living during a pandemic, 6 months pregnant, working at a hospital. What a combination! But I figured it is a once in a lifetime chance to share my thoughts on a page in hopes that my little bean will be able to someday look back and read about how crazy the world was when he/she was baking in my tummy. I know that I always soaked up stories that my Grandma Max would tell about surviving the Great Depression. It is always fascinating to hear about a surreal time that someone else went through, especially if it is so much different than the current life one is living. It allows us to learn and can help spur powerful perspective shifts in our own lives.

Living in the rural Midwest, I feel like this COVID-19 pandemic is just beginning. Actually, when the virus first started circulating in other parts of the world, I think it was easy for us all to at first deny that it would get that bad here in the US. Seeing footage of overrun hospitals on the TV felt like we were just watching a bad movie. Now our realities are much different, and we are experiencing it first hand here, seeing what it is doing to our cities, to our healthcare professionals, to our economy, to our businesses, to our communities, to our people. We know it will inevitably hit us here, too, in the Midwest - things are just a little slower to show here than the rest of the country. 

For those of you who don’t know, I work at the local VA hospital as a psychologist. Thankfully, I see many of my patients using telehealth/video sessions already and it wasn’t a huge shift to transition the rest of them to telehealth during this time to prevent potential spread of the virus. Half of my job is providing psychological services on a Home-Based Primary Care (HBPC) team, and half is also spent working in the hospital with patients at bedside as a medical psychologist on our long-term/continuing care/rehabilitation units. It is quite a tense environment for everyone at the hospital right now, for sure. I feel it when I arrive and leave my units there, and lately on my “hospital days” I get home and just feel sorta drained. The stress and anxiety is palpable. As you could imagine, any patient or colleague who coughs, sneezes, etc. basically causes everyone around to have a mini panic attack (or, maybe not everyone, maybe just me?? lol). My patients, understandably, are needing more support during this time, so I am having more frequent sessions and seeing an uptick in the number on my panel. This is fine with me though as I love what I do and giving therapy has a way of relaxing me as well. I am also very grateful that I will likely be able to see many of my hospital patients using technology as well (just seeing them via video from my office, which is located in a small secure building not attached to the main hospital.) I may still need to go to the hospital on occasion, but it won’t be as frequently as it was. They are trying to limit as much staff traffic as possible on the units I work because the population is so vulnerable, so the less people walking onto the floor the better. I really feel for my colleagues that are on the floor all the time, constantly prepping and waiting for the worst to hit. It feels like the calm before the storm over there - like when you see the sky turn purple in the distance and know that a tornado is headed your way. 

Being pregnant in the midst of all of this is just another added layer of complexity for me. On one hand, it does make me feel more stressed about potentially contracting the virus, because it’s not just me in my body and I want to do anything in my power to protect my little babe. I honestly feel like I would not be nearly as freaked out about getting COVID if I didn’t have this precious bean growing that took so many years and effort and prayers and tears to create. I am grateful that the (very small amount) of evidence thus far does not suggest much for adverse outcomes related to pregnancy and the virus, but I am also fearful knowing that the data is quite limited. I do know that pregnancy  suppresses my immune system and typically puts a woman at greater risk for complications with other respiratory infections/illnesses.

On the flip side, the opposite of being freaked out about being a pregnant healthcare worker during this pandemic, having this baby growing inside of me is such a welcome and happy distraction from everything! I love thinking about what it will be like when he/she finally arrives. I am nesting like a maniac at home, constantly cleaning and organizing and decorating our nursery and going in there and sitting in the rocking chair and imagining what our baby will be like. I’m singing to Bean, too, and it is so nuts - every time I do he/she just bounces all over the place! Either loves my voice or hates it. Lol. I am loving the time spent at home with my two favorite boys, too. Aaron has been making killer meals and Darwin is reveling in all of the mom and dad cuddle time (which, he had better soak up as his life is going to become quite miserable for him having to share his throne in a matter of months.) 

Well, I suppose it’s time for me to get some rest before another crazy day at the office tomorrow. It is just about time for Bean’s 9 pm gymnastics session :) Stay safe, healthy, call each other, and STAY HOME!

Here’s a random pic of me during Aaron and my trip to Deadwood in October. We found out we were expecting just a few short weeks after this was taken :) It reminds me of the beginning of this journey. We are hoping to return to the Black Hills for a long weekend in May (as long as this virus stuff settles down). 

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show and @maxattack-powell!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

Hello all!  Welcome back to the MFackenthal Show!  I am so glad that you are here today.  If you’re new to the show, I encourage you to go here to find past episodes.  There are only a few.

The MFackenthal Show has officially been green lit for more episodes!  We used to only be able to afford to run the show every once in a while, but the people have spoken - they want to see the show more often!  The funding came through and we hope to give the people what they want!  Do you want to be on the show?  Do you have someone that you want to see on the show?  If so - reblog or comment or send a message to let MFackenthal know!  We’ll see what we can do!  We have this show and two others lined up for you!

I could not be more excited to bring you this next guest.  She has been with the fandom for quite a while.  She was one of the first people I started communicating with on a regular basis.  She has talked me up, supported me from the beginning and though she hasn’t written much lately - when she does drop a chapter - it’s long and it’s worth it!  Please welcome to the stage @maxattack-powell!!!!!  (Insert Cheering here!)

(Megs greets Max with a hug - which means that Megs essentially runs and leaps into Max’s arms.  Max is fairly tall and Megs is barely 5′3″) 

Megs:  Max, I am so happy that you are here!  Can you believe that you’re here today?

Max:  Haha, yes - I can.  But I am honored to be here.

Megs:  Max, sit with me.  For those in the audience who may not know you, tell us about when and why you joined the fandom.

Max: Yanno, I always made my best guess at this before, but I knew you were going to ask me this - so I looked it up.  Did you know that now there’s this Official Tumblr blog called @memories, and it knows down to the minute when someone joined? Let me go check it… *digs through the blogs posts* Okay, it was apparently 07/31/2017 at 1:17:15 PM, which means it must have been on the weekend because of the time of day haha.

As for why ... hmm, well… I found the Choices app one day, when it only had like… three series I think! Anyone else remember that time? 

Megs:  I do!  Because I was playing Hollywood University I think I downloaded choices the day the app came out.

Max: Awh!  Well, I fell in love with The Freshman Series. Mostly because of Chris Powell and Zack Zilberg, and a long time ago I was in another fandom that had tons of fan fiction/art… so I googled “Choices Chris Powell” and any other combination I could think of looking for possible fanfiction. The fandom was almost non existent at the time. There was actually one person, who has long since left the fandom due to fandom dramas - we all know the kinds I’m talking about - but a few others had started posting their works as well… and I got hooked. Eventually I felt the bug to write how I felt TF should play out as well, and here I am *looks back at the “joined tumblr timestamp”* uhh… 20ish months ago!  Haha!!

Megs:  LOL, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like that long ago ... lets call a spade a spade - that was almost 2 years ago!  That’s amazing!  You have to have seen so much in this fandom!  What is it that keeps you around?

Max: There are so many awesome people in this fandom, in this world we’ve all created for our pixelated loves lol. Soooo many creative minds to follow and enjoy. The content people share, original or repost… it’s great. 

... Unfortunately it is also a double edge sword ... the drama, the jealousy, the rumors, the hate, etc. I’ve sadly seen far too much and it comes in so many forms… it’s unnecessary.

Megs:  I couldn’t agree more!  If you could tell the fandom one thing - what would it be?

Max: It would be that we’re all here because we want to have a good time. No one came here to get ridiculed, to be scrutinized or chastised for their opinions, their likes or dislikes. Real life has enough of that going on. We are all individuals - if you want to be treated nicely, fairly, etc. you must also do the same to others. There is no reason someone must agree with you or anyone else. Live and let live. Embrace our differences as it makes us who we are. Most of the issues I see stem from a simple difference in opinion. That is ridiculous. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts. We must build each other up, not tear one another down. No one here owes anyone anything, now go have some fun.

(The room stands up in applause!)

Megs:  You should definitely stand up and take a bow, Max! 

(Max does just as Megs suggests - but she also makes Megs stand up and do the same. Laughing, they both sit back down.)

Awh, Max ... okay, let’s get back to you.  We know that you’d fight anyone for the position of The Chris Powell Appreciation/Fan Club.  And for those who don’t know, Max has been retelling the full The Freshman series, interweaving dialogue and plot from PB but also adding much of her own content.  MC and Chris get a backstory.  Chris gets best friends from back home.  What is your favorite piece that you have written?

Max: Oh geez hahaha. Um… can I just say The Freshman Chronicles as a whole? I’ve written for different fandoms, and I have original WIPs but I’ll stick to the Choices fandom for this answer. I’ve put a lot of time into TFC. Tons of additional story work, research on characters and their backgrounds, PBs and my own OCs. You should see my file folder setup haha. It’s crazy… I have so many docs, pictures and gifs. Most organized by location (Hartfeld, Boston, New Haven, Cherryfield, etc.), then by character… and on some I get more detailed and split them by emotion and situation.

Megs: By what again?

Max:  Emotion and Situation ... Yeah. I warned you it was crazy! *laughs* TFC was the reason I joined tumblr really. Instead of staying a Nonny and only reading others posted works. I wanted to comment, like and reblog what I enjoyed, while I also worked on my own contribution to the fandom. I had a vision for Chris and MC that had more than the game could give, and I wanted to see if i was still any good at writing since it had been years and years… it’s funny to see how different my current posts are from my first over a year ago. Makes me want to go update a few because they could use a little help *awkward laugh*

Megs:  I’m sure we can all relate to that!  Hmmm ... I’m starting to get a feel for this, I think, but what is your writing process?

Max:  Lots of planning, mostly in my head. When I feel like I have a decent concept I might type out some notes or work it into my outline (another crazy thing I have going for TFC because it’s so big haha). But usually, once I hatch out a basic plan on where I’m going… I just start typing. Keeping the general plot and main points I want to hit in mind, I simply start typing… keeping it as organic as possible. It usually works out well. 

Megs:  Do you have any advice for other writers?

Max: First, and most importantly… do it because you enjoy it. Don’t do it for likes, reblogs, popularity, etc. If you’re having a good time dreaming things up and typing them out, that’s what’s important. The rest is just an extra bonus. Also, don’t give up. It’s easy to become discouraged, frustrated, distracted and more… but remember - your creative cells can’t be running all the time. They need to rest just like your body. Take breaks… go read, play games, hang out with friends/family, watch a movie… whatever. Just do something to help you relax, to reset and you’ll very probably find inspiration and/or motivation to continue. Remember, this is for fun. *wink and finger guns*

Megs: So what do you do for fun?

Max: I actually have a few things I do regularly. A big one is making costumes/props for conventions, small productions, etc. I also train and show horses. I do the same with my dogs, but more for competitions and not really any shows. I’ve always drawn, sculpted, painted since I was old enough to hold things with my hands… and about a year ago I started learning how to do it digitally as well. I run (not at all for fun haha) and play hockey (totally for fun), follow comics and watch anime. I've restored houses, cars and old furniture. I like to read as much as I can - that’s an important one. I also play video games. Something I’ve done since I was young… I've even competed, and won, a few gaming tournaments.

Megs:  You don’t know how to be bored do you?

Max: LOL, Megs.  Yeah, um, so there’s a “few” *makes air quotes* of my never ending list of interests haha. Gives me a lot to talk about with people, eh?

Megs: Not that I can understand how you’d have time for this ... but what do you do to help pay for your many activities?

Max:  Oh like, my job? Well that can be a simple answer… like “I work in software” but the more interesting way to say it is I use my MBA, experience in business, the financial industry and technology to improve and stabilize my customers environment through technological solutions that fit their specific needs. *presses lips together* I solve problems by designing solutions. Bored yet? Hahaha.

Megs:  No!  That sounds wonderful!  Who doesn’t want their stuff to be designed better?  Any chance you could start working for tumblr?  Some of us have a few complaints ... tags ... mobile losing our work ...

Max:  I’m not sure they could pay me enough to help them with all of their problems!  But, tumblr, feel free to send me an offer!

Megs:  Seriously - send her a 6 figure offer!

Max:  Okay, Megs, well now I have a question for you.

Megs: Uhhhh, Max, that’s not exactly how this is supposed to go. 

Max:  Yeah, don’t care.  Your fans need to know ... Hoooow do you find the time to read and review so much?! And I know that’s just in this fandom.  I know you read books and you may read for other fandoms!?  Seriously, it’s awesome. We need to clock your page flipping speed haha.

Megs:  *blushes* Oh my gosh, you have to stop!  Here’s the key to how I do it ... I wake up at 5:30am and read for about 30 minutes.  Then I workout and start my day.  I read in line at the grocery stores.  I read on my breaks at work. 

Max:  Oh my gosh - you’re such a nerd and I love that!  Okay, nerd, what is your favorite thing to do, besides reading all the things of course?

Megs: This show, of course!  And, of course, getting people to do silly things on this show with me.  For instance - with as athletic as you are, I hear you can’t jump? 

Max:  Megs, shhhhh.  You told me you weren’t going to bring that up.

Megs:  I did no such thing! (Meg says while laughing) I said I might not bring it up.

Max:  Uh huh.

(Kris Kross’s “Jump” starts playing in the studio)

Megs:  Come on - show me what you’ve got! 

(Megs starts “singing” along and jumping along with the song. Max stays seated.  Megs finally pulls Max up into a standing position. Max plays along and “jumps” next to Megs - getting no air at all.)

Oh, come on Max - put some real strength in to it.  Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Max jumps and gets the smallest amount of air time.)

Max:  *laughing* Megs - I’m tall!  I don’t need to jump to reach things!

Megs:  *laughing* That must be nice.  I got good at this type of jumping because I had to learn to jump up and gently grab things from the grocery so I didn’t knock everything down.

*continuing to jump around the audience - getting everyone to join her* And that’s all for the show today today, folks!  Thank you for watching!!  Have a great night!

[nonmillennialstruggling]

Update- re: long-term guests

I posted about this situation earlier so that I could post to vent.  I didn’t have the heart to blog after I got back from the mountains mid-November. Here is the update.  Long post: Sorry I tried to collapse the recap and I don’t know why it isn’t working.  Within that text collapse I also tried to collapse the update and within that text collapse I tried another text collapse etc.  Each section is described in bold before-hand.  

Recap of What I’ve Posted About Already:

 Friend, grandma, and dog got evicted towards the end of September. I offered them a place to stay. He took the futon in the living room, grandma took the bed in my room, and I put an air mattress in the front room for myself where I literally had 6 inches between the air mattress and my desk. He was talking about finding a place for October 1st.

I don't see him actually leave the house that last week of September, but I figure he’s just been through a lot he needs a bit longer. I keep checking in with him in and let him know that I have to clear a longer than 30 day stay. It’s apparent that he needs longer, and he starts talking about November first.

I still don’t see him leave the house the first week of October, so I raise the issue to him again. He says he has found a place already actually and that they are getting it ready for him but that he is still looking at other places to have other options. He refers to this place being prepared for him a few additional times. I go away for a week, come back and he says that the place fell through because of the eviction on his record, which showed up on his credit report. This means that when he said the place was ready, he didn't actually have an approved application and lease ready to sign.

I raise the issue of a move out date with him again. He says he has found an extended stay hotel that was affordable and that they are moving out the end of October.

The week before they are to move, he says that his former landlord filled an elder abuse claim against him. Since I've been seeing how he cares for his grandmother I know that the claim was not made in good faith. I say goodnight to his grandma the night before they are to move, and it doesn't seem that she knows she is supposed to leave the next day. Moving day comes and my friend says that his friend who works for "the state" actually suggested that he not move because of the elder abuse investigation and that it would look like he had more stability if he stayed put. He says his friend had access to some notes about his case and that the only negative thing noted so far was that his grandma was not in a medical bed. He asks if he can set it up in the front room for the wellness visit. Wellness visit is supposed to happen next week, the first week of November.

I let them stay longer and know that I will check in after the wellness visit. Hearing that they weren't moving that day though was really really hard for me because at this point I’m really tired of being on the air mattress displaced from my room, in the front room where traffic wakes me up at 5 30, not having solitude, and also having to use white noise to screen out the news that my friend has on 24/7 in the living room. Also, November is a hard month for me and I really wanted my place back to myself for that reason too.

I go away for more travel and when I come back the medical bed is not set up and the wellness visit did not happen. I continue checking in with him about the investigation. I also in this time learn that his friend who works for "the state" works in the prison system and it is really weird to me that she would have any access to notes on his elder abuse case. (I contacted the agency that does the investigation to confirm whether or not someone outside the agency working for the prison could access any case notes- they said no one outside of the agency would have access to their case notes but that local police departments are also contacted and would have records too. The police department says that records from a local police department on an open investigation would not be shared with anyone working in the prison system under no circumstances).

 The Update:

 I go away to the mountains mid-November.  I think it was right before I went, I escaped to my desk downtown and felt very grateful to have it.  I wondered what I will do when I have to give it up when the lease ends but then I realize that I’m never sharing my place like this again.  I can do one week on an air mattress and one month of someone on the futon.  I come back from the mountains and can’t do the air mattress after a few days in an actual bed so I book an Airbnb for the rest of the week, that he did pay for.

He says he will move out the weekend before thankstaking to an extended stay hotel. He talked about moving in with his friend who works for the prison system but says that her mom just went into the hospital. I wish the case were closed before the move (if in fact there is a case). There is an interview scheduled the Thursday before he is to move and I really hope the case is closed because that would be before the move. At this point I am definitely fraying around the edges and recognize that I haven't been in my usual routines and that it has affected my productivity. If he is ok moving, I am ok with it.

I check in with him after the interview on Thursday and ask if he is still intending to move this weekend. If he says he needs more time I plan to offer him more time but ask that he move out either the weekend after the investigation closes or, since investigations can take months, at an agreed upon date, whichever is earlier.  I figure one month would be proper notice. And I felt ok about this since he had previously indicated that an extended stay hotel would not be an issue.  He says he is still planning to move that week, so I am glad to hear that.

Sat I say goodnight to his grandma and it also doesn't appear that she’s aware that they are moving tomorrow. This of course seems weird to me. He says that his friend who works for "the state" is supposed to help him move tomorrow. He doesn't have a specific time but says he will be in contact with her.

The next day it is 1 pm and she hasn't come yet. I check in with him because I had planned to be available to help with the move and wanted to check in to see if he needed my help or if I should just go downtown to work. (He can't drive because of a suspended license so I wanted to be available to help with driving). He indicates that he should have it covered with his friend and I let him know that if he needs me then he can just text me.

He Asks for More Time:

Here is a text I got from him later that day and following is my response and his response back. Also, I'll just state for context that after the fact I am pretty sure that he didn't have a hotel reservation and hadn't transferred his grandmother’s home health care to a new address (I inferred this from texts that occurs after the exchange I put below):

Him: Hey (Name). The money I planned to use for the extended stay was going to come from monies I let (name) borrow. She doesn't have the money to give to me and most likely won't have it well into December. I've included her here to verify. However, can we work out another agreement where I move my grandmother to the office so you can have your bedroom back? I literally have $106, for what I planned to buy groceries. (Name) has agreed to come over at 10 tomorrow morning to go get her bed, I need to arrange with storage company. I know this isn't what we agreed to but I just don't have the resources at this moment. I hate to be leaning on my friends like this but I truly don't have any options; my brother won't send any money and I'm trying to get my license sorted while the property is being sold. I know getting your bed back and not sleeping on the air mattress is important. I know it's more important to have your space back, yet I'll make things as comfortable as possible until I'm able to figure this out

Nov 24 6:10pm (time stamp)

Me: I can put it on credit and ask that you repay me when (name) is able to re-pay you in mid-December. Before you moved in you had talked about finding a place for October 1st, and then you were searching for November 1st, so I didn't discuss a concrete move out date with you. I was actually really looking forward to having my place back to myself November 1st though because this is a hard month for me. Then of course I wanted you to be able to get the wellness visit behind you (which I thought would happen the first week of November) and figured that we could set a move out date after the visit. Since you said you were moving out today though I didn't have that conversation with you. If money is the issue I'll spot you.

Nov 24 6:12pm (time stamp)

I've loved having you, your grandmother, and (dog's name) stay with me but I am an introvert and need quiet and it has been a much longer visit than I anticipated. While I have loved having you stay with me I have anticipated having my place back to myself November 1st and then today and it is hard for me when that is changed the day off. I'm confused as to why you would say you were moving out today though if you weren't able to confirm with (name) in advance that she could re-pay you. At any rate if money is the issue, honestly I want my place back to myself at this point more than I'm concerned about my credit limit and can lend that to you.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

Him: I completely want to affirm I recognize your need for your space. I've tried my best to stay out of your way. I didn't find out until today that the resources I thought I'd have wouldn't be in place and I immediately notified you. Taking that amount of money from you, after you've opened up your home, wouldn't be helpful for my own mental health. Is it possible to put us out after I'm paid for December? With the research contract and my stipend, I should have enough to pay first/last/deposit for some place. It seems the holiday may not be a time where you want others around, yet it's completely opposite for my grandmother where this'll be the first time without her family and loved ones besides me.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

My Response:

The things that were weird to me about his reply were: 1) that I had just stated what would be best for me and he implied that him staying would be actually be better for me than me helping them with a hotel stay, 2) he asserted their needs as more important than mine rather than equal, and 3) he referred to me putting them out when I was just asking that we follow our plan.

Since I was offering a way to address the barrier that he said he faced I told him I couldn't do longer and that I was offering a way to meet the barrier he said he faced.  He tried to push back but I held firm.

He moved himself, his grandmother, and some of their things on Monday. His stuff was all over when I came back Monday night and he hadn't done any cleaning, which was annoying because there was syrup that had spilled and hardened on my bedroom floor and a chewed up rug and things like that that I cleaned up Monday. I thought that "moving" implies taking all your stuff and cleaning afterwards, so I didn't explicitly state that these were my expectations. I don t feel that I should have had to do that though.

He said he was picking the last of his stuff up Wednesday morning, which turned out to be Wednesday night at 10 30. He did some other things that were not cool that I won't go into here.

If I give him the benefit of the doubt, I have to conclude that he is at best clue-less. The other extreme would be seeing him as having an agenda of manipulation. I think he has intentionally lied to me (I mean the thing about his friend seeing the case notes is a blatant lie) but I don't think he has an explicit agenda to be manipulative.  

Also, just for the record he is not and has not been in a place of shut down that may explain not planning his move or cleaning up afterwards.  And I have encountered another thing that is most likely a lie that I won’t go into here either.

I did raise the issue of what may be a feasible pay back plan because I figured at this point that I really needed to have firm boundaries with him because otherwise he would take advantage.  He agreed to it.  I also followed up with him on a paper that he said wanted to send out for publication about a month ago that I hadn’t seen a submission confirmation email for yet. He hadn’t submitted it and I’m realizing that I really hate it when I meet agreed upon deadlines in order to keep a project on track where then the next person responsible for the project (who requested my piece be done by a particular date) just drops things.  I will never start another or project with him again.  

I am also feeling protective of some folks in academia who he may interact with.  I think their issues with him would likely be limited to him dropping the ball on projects and/or proposing a lot of projects that he wants to do for prestige more than he wants to do in order to build a meaningful research portfolio.  Still, I know at least one person who may be more generous if they think he’s just in a hard position, and I am feeling protective about that.    

[allsortsofgeekery]

One of Us is Lying: Chapter 1

Synopsis: Five high school students, all from different social groups and ranks in the popularity hierarchy, walk into detention on Monday, September 24; only four walk out. Remy Kallagher was murdered, and the surviving four are all suspects. But who did it—Logan, the valedictorian and student council president, Roman, the star athlete, Patton, the adorable member of the homecoming court, or Virgil, the infamous school drug dealer on probation?

🚨IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS🚨

I do not own this story or these characters. This fanfiction is based off of the novel, “One of Us is Lying”, by Karen M. McManns. I do not claim ownership to anything.

This fic will be dealing with lots of heavy and upsetting topics, so it is VERY IMPORTANT that you read the trigger warnings before you read.

The ending of this fic will be slightly different from the original book.

Word count: 1,750

Trigger Warnings: poisoning, drug mention, cursing, severe allergic reaction (let me know if I’ve missed anything!)

Pairings: eventual analogical

Without further ado, let’s get to the story!

Logan

2:55 PM

Monday, September 24

“NF better end it with her boyfriend, JG, because one night away from her and he’s already sleeping with his girl on the side, KT. Sorry, babe!”

“Turns out the adorable little bookworm WC isn’t as do-no-wrong as we thought. Give her the shot, and she’ll steal your man—which is exactly what she did to her “BFF”, LJ. Turns out, hooking up with your best friend’s boyfriend doesn’t do wonders for your friendship—or your reputation. Back to the books, WC.”

“We’ve all heard about JK’s one night stand with QD from a post a few months back—but it’s apparently not so one-night-standy after all. The two were caught making out in the closet at Q’s Halloween party, making everyone wonder if they’re still going strong. Trick or treat?”

Logan Sanders stood at his locker, scrolling through the day’s most recent gossip posts. The lengths he’d go to to stall today. He usually pretended he didn’t care about the posts—most of the time, he really didn’t—but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. Besides, he’d do anything to delay what was about to happen.

“Hey, bitch,” a voice said from behind him. Logan cringed inwardly. He tried to close out of the app, but it was too late. Remy Kallagher had already reached out, hand closed around his wrist and eyes set upon his phone screen. “Reading my very own posts?” Remy asked in a mock-flattered voice. “I’m honored, Mr. President. But it’s old news. Just you wait until tomorrow. You’ll love it.”

Remy’s eyes glinted in a way that Logan didn’t like. He yanked his wrist out of Remy’s bone breaking grasp and shook his head. “Believe me, Remy, my reading your posts is a very rare occurrence.”

Remy grinned like a Cheshire cat. “It won’t be for long.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to—“ he was cut off by a small buzz from his phone. There was a single message from Valerie Rosario, a girl on the Mathletes team with him.

“Hey! Are you coming to Ellen’s Coffee for practice today?”

A bubble that showed Valerie was typing appeared in the bottom corner of the screen, and then a second message was added:

“Jared’s here!”

Logan felt his face grow hot. Of course, he realized fully that among all of his extracurriculars and classes, it would be pointless and silly to pursue a romantic relationship. Even though Jared Williams had perfect, toothpaste-commercial teeth and polo shirts with his initials monogrammed into them and may very well be the first hot mathlete ever.

Regardless. Logan definitely didn’t care that stupidly smart Jared Williams was at Mathletes practice today. And he definitely didn’t care that he couldn’t make it today.

Remy leaned over and grinned his catlike grin. “Jared Williams, huh? Spill the Tea material or no?”

Logan went hot. “Spill the Tea” was Remy’s gossip app that the entire school read. He claimed he posted all of the gossip there to help people, but he really held it over everyone’s heads and used it to keep them in line. And it worked—ever since he had started the blog, nobody ever crossed Remy, because they knew he could dig up dirt on them. The whole school read “Spill the Tea”, no matter how much they hated it, though—it was their number one source of gossip and news. Even Logan wasn’t above it.

Logan had never been featured. Obviously. There was only one thing that could have possibly made it onto the site that concerned him, but Remy couldn’t know about that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Logan said, shouldering his backpack and shoving past Remy. He couldn’t be late for his sentence. His unfair sentence, he reminded himself. To his annoyance, Remy still tagged along, a pest that Logan couldn’t seem to shake.

“So, where’re you off to, Mr. President?” Remy asked, employing the nickname he had been using since Logan had been elected Student Council President. It was beyond infuriating. “Off to one of your extracurriculars?”

“Don’t I wish,” Logan muttered under his breath as he came to a stop in front of Professor Walker’s door. Remy looked at him expectantly, willing him to move. When Logan stood his ground, the color rising in his cheeks, Remy suddenly burst out laughing.

“You?” He said between snorts. “Oh, sis! What’d you even do?”

“Nothing,” Logan replied, his tone and expression even. “I was falsely accused.”

Remy wasn’t having it. “Sure, okay, whatever you say, Prez,” he said between snorts.

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Remy had already pulled the door open and stepped into the lab.

Logan took in the odd gathering. Definitely not the type of people he had been expecting—well, except for one. Virgil Macauley, the school’s notorious drug dealer, grinned like he had just won the lottery when he caught sight of him.

“You make a wrong turn?” He remarked, a shit eating grin on his face. “This is detention, not student council.” Logan flushed a fire engine red.

“Mr. Macauley,” Professor Walker said from behind the teacher’s desk. “This is not the time for commentary.” Virgil tipped his chair back and rapped on the desk with his fingers in reply.

Logan took a quick inventory of the other delinquents stuck in detention; other than himself, Remy, and Virgil, there were only two others: Roman Prince and Patton Hart. Neither seemed like the type to get a detention to him, but he supposed the students from the popular group were all wild cards. It was odd seeing Patton without his boyfriend. Even now, he looked utterly lost without him. Logan wondered bemusedly if it had taken a crowbar to pry them apart.

“Mr. Walker,” Logan began once he took his seat. Professor Walker looked up and quirked an eyebrow at him, but said nothing. “Please. There’s been a mistake, sir. I don’t know how that phone got in my backpack, because it does not belong to me. This is mine,” he said, pulling it out of his backpack and showing him. Mr. Walker sighed and steepled his fingers.

“Mr. Sanders,” he began. “These are the facts. You are not supposed to have a phone in my classroom. I found a phone in your bag. You broke the rules, you suffer the consequences. Case closed.”

“But sir—“

“I trust I should not have to repeat myself, Mr. Sanders, unless if you would like a second visit?”

Logan fell silent, but the others—save Remy—were now staring at him with a newfound interest.

“Mr. Walker, I think we’re being pranked,” Roman declared. He brushed a sandy curl out of his eyes. “The phone you found in my bag wasn’t mine, either.”

“Mine, either!” Patton piped up, looking between the two of them with wide, curious blue eyes. “I always keep my phone in my locker, I promise!”

Patton looked so earnest that even Logan had to admit that Mr. Walker was being stubborn when he shook his head.

“Boys, you knew the rule. Put the conspiracy theories to rest. In the meantime, you are all to write a five-hundred word essay about how technology is destroying the fabric of society as we know it,” Mr. Walker said, handing out notepads and pens. Patton’s brows furrowed again.

“But...Mr. Walker, if we don’t have computers, how do we know when we hit five hundred words?” His soft features scrunched up in confusion. Walker merely tapped a finger on the pad.

“Count, Mr. Hart.”

Roman

3:07 PM

Monday, September 24

He could hear the sounds of baseball practice going on outside without him. Roman rested a hand on his cheek and gazed at the clock. He had only been in here for less than ten minutes? Good god, he didn’t know how he was going to make it until four. He had just started his third paragraph--written in perfect, loopy cursive--when Remy raised his hand.

“Yes, Mr. Kallagher?”

“Can I get some water?”

Mr. Walker rubbed his temples. “Don’t you have any with you?” Remy smirked and shook his head. Walker heaved a sigh. “Very well. There’s a sink with some cups by the wall. Be quick.”

Remy saluted lazily and got up. Roman turned his attention back to his essay--or tried to, rather, because at that very second, the sound of screeching tires squealed from outside. Already on his feet, Roman raced to the window.

There was a red Camaro that looked as though it hadn’t been used in years that had crashed into an ordinary gray Volkswagen. The accident looked minor, probably nothing more than a fender bender, but it was enough to get Mr. Walker moving.

“Mr. Sanders, keep the room contained. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said to Logan before rushing out the door to inspect the damage. But by the time they even turn to look back out the window, the cars are already pulling out of the lot.

“Huh,” Virgil breathed, pressing a hand to the window.

“Well...at least nobody’s hurt…” Patton started unsteadily. He bit his lower lip.

Remy had already backed away from the window and perched himself on a desk, picking up his cup of water. “Bitches. This is perfect.”

Roman quirked an eyebrow. “How’s that?”

“You ever seen ‘The Breakfast Club’? This is, like, real life Breakfast Club.”

“I don’t understand what you’re referring to, Remy,” Logan said in his monotonous way of speaking. Remy rolled his eyes.

“Sure you don’t. Think about it. You’re all, like, walking movie stereotypes. The nerd,” he said, pointing his chin at Logan. “the homecoming prince,” nodding at Patton, “the jock,” a pointed glance at Roman, “and the basket case.” This earned him a growl from Virgil.

“Even so,” Logan started, his arms folded across his chest. “What does that make you?”

“The nuisance,” Virgil muttered from the far corner of the room. Remy narrowed his eyes at him for a split second before turning his attention back to Logan and grinning almost wickedly.

“I’m the omniscient narrator, Prez.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “In ‘The Breakfast Club’? As far as I know, there was none.” Remy’s almost-evil grin widened.

“Maybe not in ‘The Breakfast Club’,” he conceded. Then he grinned and held up the cup in a strange sort of toast to the five of them. “But there is one in life.” Then he drained his cup.

Roman glanced at Patton. Patton looked back, looking thoroughly confused and possibly a little disturbed. Roman opened his mouth to tell Remy to stop being weird, but Remy dropped his empty cup to the ground.

His eyes bulged, and he clawed at his throat. Roman at first thought that he was joking, but suddenly the others were standing, too, staring at him with looks of concern.

“Remy…?” Patton began, but Remy didn’t show signs of responding. Instead, he fell off of his desk and hit the ground with a thud.

Taglist:

@sparkletastic-cookiedough @mijako98

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #2

In this week’s interview, fandom friends @lilsherlockian1975 and @mrsmcrieff talk about whether they found Sherlock hot or not at first sight, how publicly sharing their work changed their writing, and the hardest thing about writing smutfic (pun fully intended).

And for those who don’t know, today is Lillian’s Birthday, so m’dear, Many Happy Returns!!!!

Hey, so Lilsherlockian1975 and myself, MrsMCrieff, have decided to interview each other for Aine’s challenge. We’re going to try to answer each other’s questions but there is always the danger of us going massively off piste. Our conversations in the past have been eclectic and very wide-ranging not to mention M rated.

 Anyway, I thought we could start by saying how we came into the fandom and more than that writing in the fandom. Lil, do you want to start?

Lil: All right, my sister on another continent, here’s how it went: As I’ve explained about finding The Full House on Pinterest, let’s explore what came before that moment, then just after... I was working third shift at a hotel (I had to as Mr Lil and I didn’t really have any childcare options at the time, so we just worked opposite shifts). The hotel was in a very small town - we were never busy, some nights we sold maybe 2 rooms - I usually spent my time watching Netflix. After making my way through Doctor Who, Star Trek Next Gen, Voyager then (God help me) DS9, Farscape and Firefly, I’d finally run out of anything to watch. You’d be surprised how quickly you can burn through a series binge watching for 8 hours at a time (and getting paid for it!).

 Then… then I found Sherlock. Well, that changed things… a bit.

 “Good Lord, who is the Cumberstud chap and why won’t he have all the sex with me!?” was my first thought, my second was, “Maybe I have a chance with the dishy DI?” and third? “Oh… what fresh hell is this ‘Mycroft’? Yummy!” Then finally, “Ahh, did the casting director somehow read my diary? Creepy but… all right.” To my defense, it was late and I usually worked on very little sleep. Also, I’m a kinky bitch.

 I’d never been involved in a ‘fandom proper’, I suppose. That’s not to say that I wasn’t a fangirl. I am and always have been. I was hugely into the Kevin Smith movies, going as far as visiting the Quick Stop and RST Video in Lenardo, NJ, respectively, as well as The Secret Stash, in Red Bank. I was a comic book geek in my youth, Marvel mostly, but some DC as well.

 After reading The Full House, I desperately needed MORE Sherlock and luckily enough, there was more to be found.

 At first I was just reading, then I wrote and posted a couple of (horrible) fics and met this fellow writer named MrsMCrieff (I might have had a little ‘writing crush’ on you, Mrs!). We chatted on FF.net and struck up a friendship.

 So, for me, writing came before fandom. Mrs was doing some betaing for me, but I didn’t ask for help often; I hated bothering her all the time for the multitude of stories I was turning out. At some point around here, I got an elusive invite to AO3 from sherlockian87, bless her soul, because I kept trying to join and couldn’t get a blessed invitation. Also around this time, I had written a prompt and got a PM from MizJoely asking if she could fix some of my mistakes (she was very sweet about it, even though I totally flipped - half fangirling, half losing my shit because ‘Crap, I screwed up so bad, here was The MizJoely asking if she could edit out my mistakes!’) but she wasn’t being critical at all, of course, just helpful as I soon found out. Shortly after, now having formed a friendship with MIz, she suggested that I start a Tumblr blog. And that’s how it all started.

Yes, sorry… I, um, tend to be a tad loquacious. Writing out my answers doesn’t help one little bit.

 Okay, Mrs, right back atcha!

 Mrs: OK, shall I try to be more concise? I’ll probably fail as I’m terrible as writing short fics they always seem to end up spread over multiple chapters.

 I’m another one who had always been a fangirl, Doctor Who, Buffy, Twilight, vampire Diaries (yeah, I love my vampires) but I’d also been a Sherlock Holmes fan. I’d read all the books in my teens, watched the Basil Rathbone and Jeremy Brett adaptations and even stayed at the Sherlock Holmes hotel on Baker St so when a new series was advertised it was an easy sale.

 I was late to the cumberobsession though. I have to admit watching the first two series as they came out and I remember thinking I like them but it’s a shame Sherlock isn’t that hot. I know, I know, I’m embarrassed even as I write that.

 It all changed after watching season 3 and I blame the Sherlolly kiss 100%. I watched the series, DELETED the records!! And then realised I was spending a lot of time thinking about Sherlock and Benedict...that turned into looking him up online and from there it was a short step to reading Sherlolly fics on fanfic (I was already reading fics for other shipping obsessions). Anyway, it didn’t take long before Sherlolly took over all my other ships and Benedict was my number one hottie.

 As for writing, I hadn’t written anything fiction based since school and school was a long time ago...almost thirty years. But one day I was looking for a specific fic, I wanted to read about Sherlock and Molly having to share body heat and I just couldn’t find anything that satisfied me. I’m not sure why but in that moment I decided to write it myself and in half an hour I’d written Frozen...my first ever fic. It took another couple of hours to pluck up the courage to post it and I clearly remember feeling a bit sick and my hand shaking as I pressed the final button to post.

 Thankfully, I almost immediately started to receive positive reviews and feedback and it wasn’t long before I started to write more...the rest as they say is history. Lil got in touch soon after and it was fun chatting to another writer just starting out. We soon found we were not dissimilar in age and both had two sons and the friendship started there.

 We’ve been through quite a lot over the last few years Lil and written some fab stories. Wouldn’t you agree?

 (I should let on that we are now faffing about trying to find the original list of questions...we are trying to be professional).

 Ok Lil, so I’ve looked at Aine’s questions and they look really hard. Any preferences on which ones you want to answer :).

 Lil: I think a great follow up to that first one is this: How did posting your first story change your process of writing? So I’m shooting it back to you, Mrs, and you can send me that one or select a new one for me. Tag, you’re it!

 Mrs: I can tell you quite simply how it changed my process of writing...given that it was my first piece of writing in 30 years I was starting from scratch when it came to any process. One thing that I started with that’s held true for me ever since is that my stories are fully mapped out and written before I even start posting the first chapter. I will edit and make refinements but the bones of the story are there.

 I know lots of people post a chapter and then write the next chapter but that would put me under too much pressure. The downside is that if someone gives me a prompt they could be waiting months before they see it posted. The upside is if I’ve started posting a fic you will get the end of it as it’s already been written.

 There have only been two exceptions to this method: Sherlock Holmes, Vampire which I worked on over a year or so posting four chapters every so often as I wrote them...it was stressful. And the other is Never Have I Ever which was/is more of a collection of one shots woven together into a fic.

 How about you Lil? How did it change for you?

 Lil: So, I’d been writing little stories and whatnot for years and years but, having no idea that there was such a thing as ff.net or AO3, I had no place to put them. Writing was always a very, very distant dream of mine. I have loads of notebooks filled with stories, story ideas and my own personal ramblings (unfortunately, my Tumblr followers now have to read the ‘ramblings business’). I stopped for many years after my roommate/best friend since childhood found some of my writing in college that I’d carefully hidden under my bed. I came home to find her in my room, sat on the floor, on the phone with our Art History professor (whom she was sleeping with), as she read him my story and laughed hysterically at its awfulness.

 I was devastated and vowed never to write again.

 But that changed, of course. Those first maybe ten stories were just me letting my mind go and getting out what I wanted to say (aided by liberal amounts of wine). Since then, however, my ‘process’ has changed drastically. I don’t always write an outline (never for one shots, which I write often) but I generally do for long fics. If not, it’s easy for me to get lost and miss critical points. My writing has become more about ‘layering’ for lack of a better word.

 I found after those first few posted fics, that in going back and re-reading them I wanted to make changes. I didn’t re-edit them (because I’m lazy), but it made me realize that my writing required more time and proofing before posting; that first draft is just the start for me - a thin layer of primer paint on a canvas, if you will. I then read over it and add more details and more and more until I get the desired effect. Again, much like oil painting, I have to build things up, layer by layer. This works for me; I have no idea if it’s a proper method of writing. So, posting my first fic(s) helped me learn that I shouldn’t be so trigger happy about posting if the story wasn’t ready.

 Okay, Mrs, this one is geared specifically towards you. I don’t think anyone would argue with me about your supernatural ability to write ‘case fics’, so let me ask: Which do you prefer writing, case fics or fluffy smut-filled romps? And why?

 Mrs: Oh God, ask me something easy why don’t you. Both, I like writing both. I love the depth of a case fic, the idea, the research, plotting it out and working out the characters and detail but it’s so time consuming and I often write a bit, leave it, come back to it etc. etc. so a detailed case fic can take six months.

 Fluff on the other hand is less satisfying but quicker (my minds already in the gutter with an analogy).

 Woohoo I kept is fairly short for once. So, here’s one that’s good for you. I’m endlessly envious of how easily you make friends and how you know so many people in the fandom whereas I’m the introverted hermit. Which other authors are you friends with, and how have they help you become a better writer?

 Lil: Goodness! You make me sound like a social butterfly (Mr Lil calls me that all the time!). I like people, plain and simple. Other than you, I am close to MizJoely and Darnedchild, that’s no secret, so I’ll talk about them first (you included, because you’ve made me a better writer, I’m sure of it - have actual proof!)

 I cannot count the ways Miz has helped me improve my writing. She figuratively took me by the ear and said “okay, you don’t suck but do you even know what a comma is used for?” No, not those actual words, she was much kinder about it, but I got the hidden meaning and I needed it, trust me. She also challenges me and is not afraid to be honest with me when I’ve written something that isn’t good or perhaps doesn’t fit. I know I’ve improved since she started betaing for me, like a 1000%. And Child… When I volunteered to beta for the Big Bang Challenge, I had no idea what I was getting into, but man… she’d written and enormous fic. Good, amazing really, but it was longer than anything I’d ever worked on before. It scared the shit out of me but I really think it was exactly what I needed. Betaing someone else’s work can really make you see your own mistakes from a new perspective. I feel like I jumped ahead after working on the BBC with Child. As for you, MrsMCrieff, just the other day I had The Best compliment… someone actually thought I was British! Yes, that happened. I can only attribute that little feat to you, my friend. You’ve taught me when to add a ‘u’, when not to zed and about many different terms like pavement, taps, hob, loo, trousers (we really don’t say that here!). Not to mention the fact that most European men aren’t circumcised. Who knew?! It’s pretty common in the US.

 But that’s just a few. I cannot count the number of fandom friends who have helped me and all the ways that they’ve done so. That doesn’t mean I won’t try…

 There’s likingthistoomuch who always listens to my ideas and encouraged me to post my first Harry Potter fic. OhAine has been a true friend from the very beginning, always insightful and supportive. Mellovesall who is just too sweet for words and always helps with edits, no matter what’s going on in her life. Kendrapendragon who let me bounce ideas for my Mirror Has Two Faces AU off of her for like a whole day! the-sapphiresky who has helped me with this historical AU that may or may not ever see the light of day. Allthebellsinvenice who answered about a dozen questions (over two years!) for Dig Down Deep when I’d panic about some D/s situation I’d written myself into. o0katiekins0o who backs me up when I’m in the middle of a sensitive subject. I can always depend on her to help me when I’m afraid I’m crossing a line. Broomclosetkink, Lord help me! She’s pinch hit for me when I’ve written a fic for Miz or if I just need a good laugh. She’s the best. Sweets… it’s very hard to talk about sweet-sweet-escape. I still cannot even bring myself read her stories or the ones I wrote for her without breaking down, but no one was more supportive or kind to me than Sweets. I miss her so much.

 Then there’s all the love and support I received from everyone during The Fic That Shall Not Be Named debacle. That’s when I knew how much this fandom (well, this ship, really) had my back! I will never forget how much love and support I received. Bless you all!

 I’m forgetting people and I hate that. But I really do love all my fandom friends as if I see them and hang out with them every day. I mean that.

 Okay, Mrs, here’s one for you (I’m going back to the list for this one because I like it and I think it’s interesting): What’s the most difficult thing about writing characters of the opposite sex?

 Mrs: See, see I said you knew loads of people!

 As for your question that’s easy to answer...knowing what it feels like when they get aroused and orgasm. I’m more than happy being female but it would be kind of interesting just to be a guy for one day. It would improve my writing no end.

 On a wider note when it comes to writing characters I don’t think any of us made it easy on ourselves when we decided to try to write being a high functioning sociopathic genius. I think I can speak for most of us when I say he’s not the easiest person to try to write authentically. I just wish I had half his knowledge then I wouldn’t feel like such an idiot when I’m writing him.

 I gave my youngest son the option of any number between 1 and 40. He chose 7 so does writing energise or exhaust you?

 Lil: It absolutely energises me! I do get frustrated trying to find time to write, but actually writing does amazing things for my mental and physical self. I find that I’m much more productive around the house when I’m in the middle of a writing jag. I’ll sit and write for a while, then get up and pound out some chores (usually more quickly as to get back to my computer). Somehow, this works for me. Frankly, it’s probably got to do with my ADHD. I’m the kind of person who needs to do multiple things at once. I’m the same at work; I cannot just stand behind the registrar for 8 hours. I practically beg my managers for extra work, which they’re happy to give me.

 I have an original question for you, love: How does a bad review affect you?

 Mrs: I’ll be honest I don’t react well to a bad review but it does depend on whether I think it’s valid or not. You probably know each and every time I’ve had one because I will probably have sent you a screen shot and asked your opinion. Thankfully they have been few and far between, occasionally they have made me think...especially if I’m being accused of using a tired old trope and I’ve made the effort to up my game in future fics but often they are just being nasty for the sake of it.

 Writing is such a personal thing though, we give a piece of ourselves in each and every fic so it’s hard to not take criticism very personally.

 Same question to you Lil.

 Lil: Oh, I’m a giant baby about a bad review and have been known to take it very personally. At first I brood… like really hard, thinking on the entire thing much longer than necessary. I suppose it depends on the nature and tone, for the most part though. If it’s attacking and spiteful, I’ll attack right back but if it’s coming from a ‘goodish’ place, I do try to look at my writing a bit more objectively (I don’t always succeed). Anonymous bad reviews get to me the most. The fact that I cannot reply drives me up the wall!

 Okay, we’re wrapping this up (else we could go on forever!) Thanks so much and a big thanks to Aine for organizing this as well!

 Mrs & Lil

Next Week:

Posting on Friday 01 March it’s @ohaine ‘s turn (eek!) to interview @ashockinglackofsatin