#I’m still not super sure about myself and my identity

[secretlovesoftheheart]

oops Mouthwashing incorrect quotes part 2 I have no self control

Anya: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Jimmy: What’s updog? Anya: Daisuke! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Curly: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you. Jimmy: Where were they? Curly: Eating cheetos and crying in their car. Jimmy, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.

Daisuke: If I run and leap at Swansea, he will most certainly catch me in their arms. Daisuke, running towards Swansea: Coming in! Swansea: No! I’m holding coffee! Swansea: Drops coffee and catches Daisuke

Jimmy: I WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD FOR YOU! Curly: Okay, can you do the dishes? Jimmy: No!

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Jimmy: I choose to waive that right! Jimmy: screaming

Curly: Do you take constructive criticism? Jimmy: No, only cash or credit.

Curly: What do we say when life disappoints us? Anya: Called it! Curly: No.

Anya: You’re not ascending to godhood, you’re just dehydrated. Curly: Outta my way, gaygirl! I’m about to liberate myself from this mortal shell! later Curly, texting Anya: hopital

Anya: Whoa, Jimmy, what’s up with that angry face? Jimmy: Daisuke won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”. Daisuke: But they were! Just looks at all their gods- Jimmy: Oh my god, SHUT UP!

Curly: What is the one thing I told you not to do? Jimmy: Burn the house down. Curly: And what did you do? Jimmy: I made dinner. Curly: Jimmy: Curly: Jimmy: And burnt the house down.

Jimmy, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader! Swansea: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.

Jimmy: Wow, they really hate us. Curly: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic. Jimmy: But we’re not gay, Curly. Curly: Jimmy: Curly: We’re not?

Curly: Oh man, you have any shaving cream? Daisuke: No, I don't like the way that it tastes. Curly: Wait… you eat shaving cream? Daisuke: No. Why would I eat it if I don't like the taste.

Swansea: A sprite is anything not static. Daisuke: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. Curly: A sprite is a fucking soda. Curly: You god damn geekass bastards.

Anya: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Daisuke: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Anya: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Swansea: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Curly: Are you alright? Anya: Short answer or long answer? Curly: Short? Anya: No. Curly: Long? Anya: Nooooooo.

Jimmy: You have Crayons? Daisuke: Yes, I have— Jimmy: You're— how old are you? Daisuke: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

Daisuke: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Swansea? Swansea: No. Daisuke: I think I speak for Swansea when I say it sounds really super.

Swansea: What the hell is wrong with you? Jimmy: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

Daisuke: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am. Jimmy: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Jimmy: I feel awful about killing you. Curly: Jimmy: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

Daisuke: I have a bad feeling about this… Jimmy: What do you mean? Daisuke: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble? Jimmy: No? Swansea: That actually explains so much.

Daisuke: How are you so calm?! Anya: I’ve passed beyond “stressed”, beyond “hysteria”, into the gray misty indifference of complete shutdown of all but emergency services in my brain.

Curly: Jimmy's first detention, I'm so proud. Anya: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention? Swansea: Because they're an idiot. Daisuke, terrified: They can do that??

Anya, Entering Curly's room: Jimmy did it again. Curly: Peace disturbance? Anya: What no- Curly: Arson..? Anya: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Curly: uh….Attempted murder? Anya: NO, HE ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Curly: Can you please just apologize to Anya? Jimmy: Fine, but I have to warn you that this may make me a nicer, better person and that is not who you feel in love with.

Swansea: Where’s Daisuke? Jimmy: Around. Swansea: Around? Swansea: You don’t have any idea, do you? Daisuke, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Daisuke: Adulting is hard. Daisuke: How do I quit? Swansea: Time travel. Jimmy: Die.

Swansea: Daisuke, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean? Daisuke: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later. Swansea: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Anya. Daisuke: Wait- Swansea, no-

Swansea: Can you keep a secret? Anya: Do you know anything about my life? Swansea: No, I don't. Good point.

Jimmy: Punch me in the face. Swansea: …Punch you? Jimmy: Yes, punch me, didn’t you hear me? Swansea: I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ while you’re speaking but it’s usually just subtext.

Swansea: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? Swansea: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Daisuke: shoves their hand in the slot of a toaster Swansea: … Daisuke: …I get confused sometimes. Swansea: Me too.

Curly: What’s something you guys are better than Jimmy at? Daisuke: Mario Kart. Anya: Yeah, video games. Swansea: Emotional vulnerability.

Jimmy: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation? Anya: All the time. Jimmy: Then you should be used to it by now.

Jimmy: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

Curly: Look, Anya, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

Jimmy: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

Daisuke: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

Swansea: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Jimmy: Things will get better! The Squad: Jimmy: Okay, maybe they won’t. Jimmy: But they will be terrible in new and interesting ways!

[mossy-enigma]

Jumpscared by this guy I didn’t come out to calling me by my preferred name-

[nicsnort]

Sex Therapist

NSFW 18+ male incubus x female reader

Word count: 2980

CW: hypnosis, dubious consent, illusions, incubus, cuckolding, blowjobs, edging, praise kink, pet/owner talk, squirting; also you have a shitty boyfriend

Usually, I'd have a lore prompt here but I really just wrote this over three days as a way to distract myself from...errr "current events". It is set in the same world as my other monster fucker fics though

You and your boyfriend were having trouble with your sex life. So, you agreed to go to a therapist. Turns out their therapist is an incubus, and he has his own plans for you.

~~~~~~~

You were thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend. He had been super pushy lately about sex. He wanted every meet-up to end in sex, and when you said no for whatever perfectly rational reason, he still pushed for a blowjob or tried to guilt trip you. It wasn’t like sex with him was that great, like it was fine, but you took more pleasure just doing things by yourself than relying on him for an orgasm…not that he had ever made you cum in the first place.

Still, you hesitated to break up with him; the first couple of months together were great outside of sex. He was kind and considerate. Then, something changed after he lost his job and spent most of the day online; he started putting all his focus on your sex life together. Sex wasn’t everything in a relationship, and the way he acted was enough to turn you off. Still, you wanted to work on these problems together - though so far, you’d gotten nowhere.

What you needed was outside relationship counseling. And luckily your boyfriend agreed.

“Are you sure this is the right place,” you asked him as you approached what looked like a renovated club. He had found a counselor through a recommendation from a buddy from his work who had similar problems with his wife.

“This is the address I was given. I mean, open property around here is pretty scarce; I’m sure they took what was available.”

Together, you went up to the club—the therapist’s—door and rang the bell. A peep window on the door slid open; you saw a feminine set of eyes peering through. Your boyfriend smiled at her. “Hi, we’re here for an appointment with the doctor.”

“Oh, yes! One moment,” a feminine voice replied with surprising enthusiasm. The eye slit shuttered, and a few moments later, they were buzzed in. Inside, the office was surprisingly clean and formal compared to the exterior. Comfortable chairs and couches were littered around, a tea and water station against one wall, and a desk where an extremely beautiful woman was waiting to check them in.

“The doctor knows you are here and will call you in when he’s ready. Please feel free to sit down and have a drink while you wait.”

You found it a little strange that the woman didn’t take your names or confirm your identities at all, but you shrugged it off. It wasn’t like this was a selective thing; people only came here if they needed help. You poured yourself a cup of tea and offered one to your boyfriend, who denied it as he sat in a chair. His eyes were on the assistant covetously. 

With another shrug, you sat on the plush couch across from him. Whatever tea this was smelt marvelous. Just inhaling the scent made your shoulders relax. There was a water feature providing a gentle, burbling water sound. As you sipped the tea, you sank into the couch. This waiting area was so relaxing that you were nearly falling asleep.

There must have been a silent fan somewhere as you felt a soft breeze drifting over your face and neck. Relax. The whisper of touch across your whole body. Let go. A ghostly caress upon your lips. Sink. A soft sigh escaped your lips. Deeper. Your neck muscles released, your head tilting back to rest upon the plush couch back.

“The doctor is ready for you.”

You jerked slightly as you were awoken from your dozing. Had you fallen asleep? You must have, or else had your boyfriend been speaking to you? Either way, you were feeling very relaxed. Getting up from the couch, you saw anticipation in your boyfriend’s eyes. He was nowhere near as relaxed as you.

The assistant led them through the door. On the other side, a tall man stood there. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Both he and his assistant should be models instead of working in a place like this. Where did the assistant go? Had she already left?

“Ah, please sit down,” the doctor greeted, his enrapturing voice capturing your attention completely. He gestured you to a couch across from the chair he was standing near. With a soft smile, you did so. Good girl.

You blinked, confused. It sounded like the doctor had said something, but his lips had not moved. Your boyfriend entered as well, sitting on the other end of the couch. You barely paid him any mind; your focus was on the doctor.

The doctor sat in his chair, his legs open and relaxed. Through his dress pants, you could see an impressive bulge. It was so much bigger than your boyfriend’s. So, eager.

Your eye slid up to the doctor’s face. Had he spoken again? No, but he wore a smile almost as if he knew what you had thought. Let your worries fade away.

“What brings you into my office today,” the doctor asked, his voice low and melodic, forcing you to focus on it to hear him. 

“Unmet sexual needs,” your boyfriend said bluntly. “She doesn’t want to ever have sex when I do, and when she finally puts out, she’s no fun, just wants to get it over with.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. Then his beautiful eyes focused on you; there was a strange shimmer in their depths. “Do you believe that is an accurate statement?” You are a good girl.

“No. He always wants sex or sexual favors whenever we get together.  I asked him to bring my lunch to work, and he wanted a blowjob in the bathroom in exchange. Bringing your girlfriend lunch shouldn’t be an exchange; it is simply something you do.” Your shoulders tensed, and the stress started to reenter your body.

“I see.” Relax. “Do you give him oral sex otherwise?” Sink deeper.

“Yes.” You are warm. Comfortable. You leaned back against the couch. Like sinking into a hot bath, a flush rose up your body. You were so relaxed. Listening to the doctor’s voice, each syllable pulling you down. Deeper. Sinking. Your thoughts were growing sluggish.

“Do you like sucking your boyfriend’s cock?” The direct nature and harsh words from his mouth were spoken in the same smooth tone as before. Such a question should have jarred you, but you were so relaxed. 

“No.” You heard your boyfriend huff. Would the doctor be upset with you? Relax. You are safe.

“Can you tell me why?” You are a good girl.

“It feels like an obligation.” 

Good girls like sucking cock. The doctor shifted in his chair, your eyes could not help but gaze down to his straining pants. The bulge was bigger than before. You licked your lips at the thought of his member aching to get out of its confines. “Do you want to suck my cock?”

“What the fuck, man,” your boyfriend shouted. The doctor waved his hand, and your boyfriend stiffened as if restrained.

“Yes, please,” you replied politely, your boyfriend’s words and sudden petrified state not even phasing you.

“Good girl,” the doctor said aloud. A shiver of pleasure coursed through you at those words. A smile grew on your face. “Tell me, does your boyfriend eat you out?”

Your smile faded into a pout. “No.”

“Do you orgasm when your boyfriend fucks you?”

“No.”

“My poor, pretty pet,” the doctor cooed. “Thank you for being honest with me. As a reward, you may suck my cock.”

The smile returned to your face. He pulled his cock from his pants and gestured you to him. Your eyes were fixated on the cock as you slid off the couch and crawled forward. Just like the man, it was such a beautiful cock. Long and thick with just the right amount of curve. He was already rock hard, a glistening bead of white pre-cum waiting for you to taste.

As you knelt before him, there was a grunt behind you like a muffled scream. Your head turned back to see your boyfriend frozen in place. The doctor touched your chin and gently redirected your face to look at him again. “Forget about him, pet.”

His gorgeous yellow eyes shimmered like fire. They were so beautiful against his scarlet skin. A stray thought passed your clouded mind. Had they always looked like that? Had the doctor always had beautiful ink-black horns that curved up from the top of his head, reaching back to his strong, leathery wings? Of course, he did. Silly you.

“Good girl, brush away all those silly little thoughts. All you want is your reward.” His devil’s tail lifted from behind him, pushing your head forward.

Your focus returned to your reward. The turgid cock before you. Reaching up, you grasped the hot rod in your hand. Pumping your hand up and down, you marveled at how the soft, smooth skin combined with each bump and ridge. Your pussy clenched with desire. You wanted to feel this cock in you.

Silly you. You could.

The growing bead of inky black pre-cum on the tip of his cock was calling to you. Sticking out your tongue, you ran a long lick up the underside of his cock before lapping up the pre-cum. As that beautiful pearl of essence hit your tongue, you groaned. You had never tasted anything so good. Salty, yes, but with an undercurrent of addictive sweetness. You wanted more, and you already knew how to get it.

Popping the tip of his cock in your mouth, you began to bob your head up and down. The bumps on the underside of his cock rubbed against your tongue, pleasuring you as you pleasured him. 

“There is a good girl.” He cupped the back of your head, guiding your rhythm but not forcing you to take more. 

The beautiful creature before you moaned and sighed gently as you pleasured him. “Mmmm, you are already so good at this, but there is room for improvement.” His breath hitched with pleasure. “I will teach you. No worries, pet, I will teach you everything you need to know and more.”

You could feel his body tensing, his member growing hot. His fingers tightened on your head, his claws digging just a hair into your scalp. “Such a good girl. You are going to swallow all of me, right? Good girls don’t let cum go to waste.”

You redoubled your efforts. Taking more of his cock into your mouth. Usually, you would choke on a cock this deep in your throat, but all you could think about was taking more of it in. Each time it went deeper into your throat, you sank deeper into yourself. Relaxing your throat, letting more of his cock inside of you. 

Sucking cock felt so good. Good girls liked sucking cock. You were a good girl.

He held your head in place. His member swelled as his delicious cum poured down your throat. You worked hurriedly, swallowing every drop you could. With each spurt of the hot, thick seed, your pussy clenched with delight.

Releasing your head, he began to stroke your hair. Slowly, you raised your head, cleaning his cock as you went. You sucked on the tip of his cock, getting every last drop of his cum. It tingled in your throat and stomach, warming your body like a hot meal on a cold day. With a pop, you released his cock. Looking up at him, you smiled contentedly.

“You look happy. Are you happy, pet?”

You nodded, your smile growing. He smiled back, his beautiful fangs displayed. “Excellent. Good girls are happy girls. And you are a very good girl.”

The compliment sent a wave of warmth across your body. You were so warm.

“Stand up, pet.”

Without hesitation, you rose to your feet. As you moved, your soaking sensitive pussy lips rubbed against each other, causing you to whimper. Your nipples were rock hard, poking through your shirt and bra, begging to be touched.

“You look warm. It is warm in here. Undress for me.”

Your movements were languid as you complied. Your fingers dragged across your skin as you removed your shirt. The tension of your bra straps stood out compared to how relaxed your shoulders were. Freeing your breasts was a relief. You wanted to touch them, to pull at your nipples, but you resisted. Good girls did what they were told, and you had not been told to touch yourself. 

As you pulled down your jeans and underwear together, a pool of your arousal was revealed in your panties. Your inner thighs quickly slickened as your desire was no longer soaked up by your clothing. Soon, you stood nude before him.

“Good girl. You look delicious, pet.” As he stared at you, you realized that while his eyes were roving your form, they were looking beyond the flesh. His fiery yellow eyes stared right into your very being to your soul. He licked his lips with hunger.

The large wings on his back flexed as he opened his arms, inviting you to sit. His serpentine tail guided you in place. Your back rested against his chest, your legs on either side of his, baring your dripping pussy to the man in front of you. Who was he? Oh, that’s right. Your boyfriend. You had forgotten.

Your boyfriend was still frozen in place. Fear in his eyes as he forcibly stared at the beautiful creature coddling you. Was something wrong? You furrowed your brow in confusion.

“No need for that, pet,” the heavenly being touching you suggested. “No need to worry. You are safe with me. Relax.”

The claws at the end of his elegant bat wings hooked around your ankles, holding your legs up and out. The position forced your arms up and around his neck or else risk slipping off. But you felt no fear. No concern that you would fall. You were safe with him. He would never let you fall.

“I am going to pleasure you, now, my pretty little pet. All you need to do is focus. Focus on my voice.” His low, even, melodic voice spoke in your ear. 

His claws hands ran up your stomach to play with your breasts. He rolled and rubbed your nipples and breasts gently. The spade of his tail stroked your pussy. Just enough pressure to keep your attention but not enough to let you cum.

“Now, pet, do you know why you are here today? No need to speak. Just nod or shake your head.”

You nodded. The tip of the spade of his tail flicked your clit. You gasped with pleasure.

“You are wrong. But that is okay, silly thing. You are wrong because that man across from you lied to you. You know that man, do you not, pet?”

You nodded and were rewarded with a tug on your nipples that made you moan in want of more.

“Correct. You do know him. He is the man that cannot make you cum. He is the man that only thinks of his own pleasure. He is the man that came to me and asked me to make you a cock-drunk slut who would cater to his every sexual whim. He is the man who could never make you feel as good as I do.”

You whimpered in need. While he spoke in your ear, his hot breath caressing your skin, the words buzzing in your mind, his eyes were fixated on the man across from you.

“That man thinks you are a bad girl, but I know better, pet. You are a good girl. You are such a perfectly submissive girl.”

His long, forked tongue ran up your neck. He bit your ear softly before continuing. “You see, I like to help people, pet. You humans are so wrapped up in your sexual morals that you all have such a hard time indulging. So, few of you know what you truly want, but I help you discover that.”

He began speeding up his attention and the rhythm of his words, driving you closer to the edge.

“You humans think my kind brings sexual corruption, that we are evil, but all we do is reveal your deepest desires and aid you in reaching them. When that man came to me, I accepted his request to help in your sex lives as a therapist. But when you arrived, I saw what he truly wanted - you as nothing more than a tool for him for sex and money, a leech. And I saw what you truly were - such a good submissive pet, so ready to find the perfect owner.”

Your body writhed in his arms. You were at the edge, almost ready to climax, but you could not cum. Deep inside of you, you knew. Good girls did not cum without permission.

“Good girls do not deserve men like him. You have so much more potential.”

You whimpered. Tears forming at the corners of your eyes. Your body was pulled taught, ready to hear that word. You need to hear it. You would go insane if you did not-- “Cum.”

White filled your vision as your eyes rolled back in your head. A gush of fluid shot out of you as your pussy clenched wildly on nothing, nearly reaching the dreadful man sitting frozen on the couch. You had never felt like this before. The orgasm was a rocket, and now you were floating among the stars.

Slowly, your body relaxed once more. The hot hands on your body stroking you, calming you. 

“Very good,” his voice was low and evenly melodic again. He sighed and pressed a kiss against your ear. As he pulled his lips away, the softest whisper that you only heard because of your focus on his voice was spoken. “I think I am going to keep you.”

_________

This is definitely a part 1 - I'll link part 2 here

Other Department of Monster Affairs works

Werewolf bites and bodily fluids - worldbuilding/lore prompt for Hello Neighbor

Hello Neighbor - m!werewolf x f!reader, teratophilia, knotting, heat. One-shot.

Minotaur Essence Products - worldbuilding/lore prompt for After Party

After Party - m!Minotaur x f!reader, teratophilia, breeding, overstimulation.

For other works see my masterlist

[nyancrimew]

oo if we’re doing queer confessions i got a bit of a long one

first relationship, classic story of not realizing we were into eachother for the longest time, even after regularly kissing and cuddling for almost a year lol (calling him bf 1). went really well actually after we properly got together

after about a year or so, bf 1’s ex (not on any sort of bad terms INITALLY) (calling him bf 2) who was my best friend asks if we wanted to just be in poly relationship together since we all had confessed to eachother at once point and we say yeah sure we still all like eachother, it took bf 1 a few months to think over first which was fine by all of us, so we just continued all being close friends for a few months till then. few months later, he says yea sure that’d be fine and so we started trying it out since we had all been really happy with eachotehr up to that point

literaly the same exact night that happened, bf 2 changed his attitude towards me completely and despite being very good friends before this and loving eachother he started ignoring me and claiming he just didn’t have energy to do anything ever, while constantly showering bf 1 in overwhelming affection and hundreds of smaller things like that where i’d get left in the dust while he would get mounds of attention. he was just as unnerved by it as i was.

i was a bit dumb and so didn’t really act on this for a while despite realizing immediently it was weird, and after a few months me and bf 1 started talking about it privately and realized he was just flat out lying to both of us and expected us to like. not talk about it?? like super blatant things llike telling me he didn’t value sex in a relationship at all and didn’t want it with me while minutes later telling bf 1 that sexual intimacy is the thing he valued most and wouldn’t want a relationship otherwise

one of the worst thing though (atleast in terms of how much it damaged my understanding and acceptance of myself)) was despite him being nb (he/they) and even experimenting with being a girl for a while he started constantly hanging our own gender identities over our heads and sayin shit like “well i’m gay so if you start identifying as a girl i’m gonna leave” to me when i brought up to him, the first person i talked to it about, that i wanted to be a girl which stunted myself growth by years and similar things to bf 1 who was very openly nb (which, wow i’m relazing as i’m typing this how casually mysoginsitc he was, he made all sorts of “jokes” about how inherently disgusting traditionally feminine bodily features were)

after about a year of this (me and other bf were just too scared to leave, but we definently should of) he actually broke up with me , and tried to speak on behalf of bf 1 claiming they just both wanted me out of the polycule, also just a straight up lie as when i talked to him about it . after talking for a while and asking some mutual friends we figured out he told literally every single person a different, conflicting story and putting the pieces together we came to conclusion that he was just using me as a throwaway tool to get back together with bf 1 to squeeze himself in the relationship, and tried dumping me out so he could be monogamous with him only.

needless to say bf 1 dumped his ass less than a week later after we finally were able to decipher the literally 10 different conflicting stories, and this story actually does have a really happy ending!! me and bf 1 are still besties and kiss a lot while he found another much sweeter and nicer boyfriend, i got another girlfriend with a shared pet kittygirl shortly after that helped me through the whole thing and i’ve never been happier about my body image/self image and gender identity in my life. IM FINALLY A CUTE GIRL WITH A CUTE GIRLFRIEND WE MADE IT NYALL :3!!!

(and as a nice bonus ontop, the only time i hear about him now is from other people realizing how scummy he was and cutting him off, leaving himself to rot in a hole of his own making surrounded by people jus like him. feels great to be away from that whole toxic friendgroup in general. freedom.)

(anyway thanks, “but we stay silly :3” was a quote regularly said to myself during the recovery of all this )

yipppeeee, we really do stay silly!!!

[bullshit-tqia]

As a psychology student, I'm interested in how you say in your bio that you'll debunk transgender identities through logic. As someone who has written essays approved by college professors about transphobia, gender dysphoria, and gender identity, I would like to know what's your main argument against transgender identities (trans women, trans men, non-binary people, and so on).

You can refer to me in any way you want. He, she, it, they, I don't care. My identity isn't important, only my arguments and knowledge are. Let's talk about it.

-📚

I’m going to assume you’re a B.A. in psychology, not a B.S. in psychology-which is an important distinction. Most psychology majors are B.A. majors.

But also, I graduated college so you saying “approved by college professors” doesn’t mean much to me. What does "approved" mean, I got consent to write about 'XYZ' for my term papers sometimes, is that what "approved" means? I also wrote essays and got A+’s on them. I don’t see myself as an authority on the history of the U.S. South or Southern legal history. I graduated college feeling like I didn’t know enough to ever consider myself as an authority on the topic. I felt like I knew nothing. Which is why I’m going to law school.

My arguments against transgenderism are based on the “treatment” of gender dysphoria. I think gender dysphoria does exist, but I don’t think it is biological in nature like many trans theory states. This is why the distinction between a B.A. and a B.S. matters. A Bachelor of Arts focuses more on the humanities, so reading and interpreting studies through a linguistic and theoretical lens, while a B.S. focuses on conducting research and interpreting studies through a quantitative and objective lens.

In logic, it is very important to point out assumptions in people’s arguments. Many arguments for transgenderism are based on assumptions, things assumed to be true, but not things proven to be true.

For example, the fact that transwomen have “female” brains.

This study (very narrow in sample) compares the white/grey matter content of female, male, and transwoman brains.

The graph corresponds with the amount of white and grey matter in the brain, meaning that the more "female" a brain, the more grey matter it'll have, and the more white matter a brain has, the more "male" it is.

0 is female, 1 is male, -1 is super female, and 2 is super male. This study looks legit at first until I point something out.

There's only one person that was slightly below 0 in this graph in the transgender woman violin plot, half of the men meet the "obscure brain sex zone" and a little less than half of the women also meet this "obscure zone," and the majority of transgender women meet this zone.

More of the transwomen stretch into the "super male" zone than into the "super female" zone. Only one did, while a little over half of the females did.

This is supposed to prove transwomen have female brains? It seems like it does the opposite. Because of the obscurity, none between 0-1 really matter as they overlap. It is the extreme cases that matter the most. No males go below 0, no females go above 1. Many transgender women go above 1, but only one went below 0, and just barely. This can be doubted based on this one person's brain was mismeasured.

And the key assumption is, what these scientists ignored and simply assumed was true:

How does an increase in grey matter in a male's brain lead to gender dysphoria? What is the connection between grey matter and transgenderism?

Sure, they pointed out that 1 male fit into the "female" range, and that was only after meeting a prerequisite: identifying as transgender. As for the "cisgender" people, it's never specified if they included lesbian and gay men.

If they tested for that, could we have seen even more overlap? And if gay men dipped into the "female sexed brain" and lesbians rose into the "male sexed brain" then the whole study is bullshit based on these gay men still identifying as men despite having "female brains" and lesbians identifying as women despite having "male brains." But we don't know this because they didn't test for it. If it is true, then something else leads someone to identify as transgender and white matter & grey matter have nothing to do with it, but to me that is already established as the majority of the people sampled overlap each other.

The primary differences seem to be based on the influence of testosterone and estrogen in the body. None of the trans-identified men were on HRT. This is based on their natal hormone levels.

Another assumption is that in the womb, trans-identified people were exposed to more testosterone/estrogen in their brains while their body was exposed to more estrogen/testosterone. This is an assumption because:

We don't even know if this is possible, how does testosterone/estrogen begin to collect and localize to one place

How come we have never observed this in any other body part, it is the excess of androgens/insufficient androgens that cause intersex conditions, not a localization excess of estrogen in their genitals or something like that

Why haven't we tried to observe hormone flux in the womb and do long-term studies on their gender/sexuality first before assuming that HRT/SRS would fix everything?

If there is no biological basis for transgenderism, then why are we trying to fix it through biology?

If it isn't like my fucked up & misaligned teeth, something observable, then why are we assuming that the solution is just as observable as inverting a penis or stitching on a flesh tube?

If it is not something objectively measurable, how can we truly determine who is trans and who isn't?

Correlation ≠ Causation

[alphajocklover]

Hello, basic 40 year old flabby, short, wimpy nerd nerd here. Been trying and failing to get fit and transform into a stud since I've been thirteen to no avail. Pretty much decided that that the project is genetic. I don't suppose you can genetically graft me to a hypermasculine dad or maybe a hypermasculine brother so puberty could have dealt me a way different hand?

Huh. I’ll admit, I’ve never really done anything like that before. I mean, I’ve talked about changes that alter someone’s past in previous post, and I performed one myself using time travel (I fucking hate time travel), but what’s you’re asking is so much more intense. You want me to make it so that you grew up with a super manly dad or brother. You want me to make it so your genetics are different, your history is different, so that you’re basically an entirely different person. I’m not sure I’ve ever altered anyone that much before. But… I’m willing to give it a try.

You’re an only child right? And you never knew your dad? Raised only by your mom? Good, that will make this much easier. Now, I should warn you that we’re going to have to be very careful. We’re going to use an artifact that my Uncle left to me. I’ve mentioned him before. I really should tell you all about him one day. Anyways, what we’re using to change you might not look like much, but… it’s very powerful. We need to use it carefully.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. It’s a little statue of a metal tree. Yes I know I sound crazy but in a world with time travel, an app that turns people into meatheads, and reflections that can swap places with the person they’re reflecting, I think you can give me the benefit of the doubt. The little statuette doesn’t look like much, but it’s one of the most dangerous magic items I own. It’s known as the Family Tree, and it allows the user to, well, alter their family tree. Literally. All you have to do is press your thumb to the wooden base, and the tree grows and changes until it resembles your own family tree, complete with pictures. Then it’s as simple as moving some things around, or adding a picture to the tree. So, let’s get to work.

You asked for a super manly dad, or a super manly brother. But since we’re already changing your family, why not give you both? First let’s change out your deadbeat dad for someone a little more… impressive. A real man, a man’s man, one so muscular and sexy that if he walked out on your mom you’d still thank him for the amazing genetics. But don’t worry, your new dad isn’t going to walk out like the old one. He stayed with your mom (who as it turns out is a real babe with the right man encouraging her), and raised you to be just like him. He taught you how to play sports, how to workout, how to shave your hairy face, even how to make a girl putty in your hands. You were always especially talented at that last one. You’re starting to remember it aren’t you? Everything your dad taught you, how far you pushed yourself because you wanted to make him proud. You especially remember him showing him how to throw a football. In this world you were a natural.

Next is your brother. I don’t wanna give away your identity, or his, so let’s call him Brad. He’s actually your younger brother, not your older brother. You were the one who taught him how to be a man, how to be a stud, and in doing so, became an even better one yourself. As reality changes you remember growing up with him, teaching him the ropes, playing and working out with him. You even remember the girls you’d sometimes fuck together. You remember the first time you and him spitroasted a bimbo, how hot the girl looked and how proud and manly your brother was.

But let’s move on to you. In this life you took after your dad and your little brother, being a natural stud. You were a strong kid, an active kid, but puberty hit you like a dump truck. You shot up, your shoulders widened, and you gained an almost obscene amount of muscle and hair. You’ve got a different personality too. Cocky and confident, a constant flirt and a total bro. You thought you’d never settle down, fucking a different girl every night. Until… you met your wife. Yes, in this world you have a wife. She’s a bit of a bimbo, but the kindest person you’ve ever met. She enchanted you, and soon… while, you were married, and have stayed married for almost 20 years.

You’ve changed your past, your future, and everything about yourself. You’re finally the man you always wanted to be… but your kids are really the lucky ones. They’ve got awesome genetics, killer bodies, and a great dad to show them how to use it, just like how you did growing up.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling my boyfriend babygirl

let me clarify upfront: my boyfriend has never expressed discomfort with this, and says he likes it, so it’s potentially a non-issue, but it’s still bugging me. this has been ongoing for a little over a month and i feel like i’m going nuts. forgive me if any of the language i use here isn’t correct, i don’t know how else to get the ideas across - feel free to correct me if i could be saying things more inclusively. sorry that this is rambly also. small nsfw warning (nothing too explicit)

i (22m) have been dating my boyfriend (19ftm) for a little over a year. i’m cis and he is trans. admittedly i’m not like… the most well versed in trans issues but i love him more than life itself so i really try to be respectful of him. he was bullied pretty severely in highschool, not just for being trans but his gender identity was no small part of it, and even though he’s not super dysphoric day to day he’s definitely got some boundaries about it. there are certain compliments he likes and some that upset him (he doesn’t enjoy being called pretty or cute, typically) and he’ll snap at people for referring to him with feminine names or titles like “sis” “girl” etc even if it’s done jokingly.

the thing is he’s rarely, if ever, done that with me? i call him pretty and cute all the time (because he is) and he’s always been fine with it. admittedly the first time i did it i didn’t know it was something that usually bugged him, but he’s never said anything to me about it. everytime i have he’s seemed happy. he’s very outspoken, i pretty firmly believe if it was a problem he’d say something about it - again, he has no issues being firm about this boundary with any of his other friends and family. i was doing this before we started dating, so after we started dating it sort of bled into pet names

again, it was never something i asked him about expressly, but at some point i started calling him, like… princess, babygirl, etc. i only ever do this in private, when its just us or when i’m pretty sure only he can hear me, for a few reasons. my boyfriend doesn’t really pass (entirely his choice. he doesn’t bind his chest and he doesn’t want any gender affirming surgeries or hrt - again, he’s not super dysphoric day to day, he only gets upset when it’s commented on and he can bounce back from it pretty quickly) and again, it seems like it’s always made him happy. at the risk of tmi, it especially seems to make him happy in the bedroom, which is another reason i avoid dropping these pet names in front of anyone else. it’s private and i don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

so. to put this mildly. we went to a house party together recently and i got super smashed. it was a pretty big party so we were sticking by each other, and when you’re drunk and your partner is there… well, yeah. i was admittedly being pretty handsy. he didn’t tell me to knock it off or anything, he was reciprocating. at some point he started talking to his best friend from highschool (19mtf, i’ll call her Z) so i reigned myself in but i was definitely still drunk and horny and being clingy. i don’t know Z all that well - she and my boyfriend are very close but she can be pretty harsh, and i appreciate all she does for him so i like her, but we never talk unless he’s there. i’ve had maybe one one-on-one conversation with this woman ever.

they’re talking. i’m also there. i’m not trying to rush him but i definitely want to get home. the conversation lulls and i take the chance to ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave soon, and because i am aforementionedly drunk and horny i drop one of those earlier pet names. before he can respond to me, Z snaps at me. she says not to call him that and that i was being a creep - this alarms me and was kind of frustrating since i wasn’t even talking to her, and i recognize i’m not in a headspace to argue? with her? so i just tell my boyfriend to come find me when he wants to leave and i wander outside. he finds me about 5-10 minutes later and we head home.

it doesn’t get brought up again that night but a day or so later i text Z to ask her what she meant by me being a creep, because it was bugging me. she says that it’s obvious i’m fetishizing my boyfriend’s gender identity, that the fact i call him those things brings up major red flags, etc. i tell her that my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with it. she says it doesn’t matter and asks me why i want to call him those names in the first place, and posits that maybe i don’t actually want to be dating a boy - that i just like the idea of dating a boy and actually want to be with a woman. i’m gay, so this is VERY out of pocket to me. i tell her my boyfriend is not a woman and end the conversation there, but it DOES stick with me. so, very belatedly, i ask my boyfriend what he thinks of all this. i adore him so much and i hate hate hate the idea i could’ve been treating him like that, even unintentionally. he says the pet names never bothered him and he’s never felt like that, and that he’s fine with me specifically doing it because he trusts me and knows i don’t see him as a girl.

so, whatever. she has a problem but me and my boyfriend don’t. i try to move on, but the next time i see her she asks if i’ve apologized/reflected at all. i tell her no, because my boyfriend said i have nothing to apologize for and it seems like a non-issue. she is now avoiding me, refuses to be in the same room as me, and will declare to anyone who asks that she doesn’t want to be near someone who fetishizes trans people and she doesn’t feel safe around me. my boyfriend tries to talk to her but she insists i need to apologize at the bare minimum, but to who? even if i did apologize to my boyfriend i wouldn’t mean it and he wouldn’t want it. Z is his long-time best friend, i can’t exactly go the rest of our relationship just avoiding her. so i have no damn idea where to go from here.

on some level, i worry she’s right? i honestly don’t know why i started calling him those things. i think it started as a joke but i just kept doing it when i noticed he seemed to like it. in hindsight that was maybe shitty of me, but i trust him to tell me when something i do is making him uncomfortable. it’s not like i can do that over, but if he ever told me to stop i would. it’s definitely true that if you saw my boyfriend on the street you’d probably assume he’s a woman, but i’ve never been attracted to anyone who actually identifies as a woman before. i’ve only ever liked men, and no matter what he looks like he is a man. this whole situation did make me think about how i think about him, and i’ve realized that, like… i want to have kids with him one day, and ideally i’d like him to carry them. ideally, but id never make him. if he decided tomorrow that he wanted to medically transition and go the whole nine yards i’d support him. he’s my whole world, i just want him to be happy. but does the fact i want him to carry children prove her right?

i’m just. confused. i feel like i’m running myself in circles. Z knew him in highschool so she was there when bullying over his gender was at his worse, so i get why she’s protective. she’s also trans herself so she undoubtedly understands this stuff better than me. but i’ve heard it’s normal for trans people to have complicated relationships with gender, so it’s normal to be okay with gendered language from some people and not others (like only letting close friends use certain pronouns for you). i figure it’s like that, but it’s not my gender so… i don’t know. should i just stop calling him those pet names altogether, even though i know at this point he enjoys them, to be safe? am i an asshole for calling him those things in the first place / would i be an asshole if i kept doing it?

What are these acronyms?

[bimbosanddolls]

State of the Bimbo - New Year, Same Kiki

Hi Barbie!

A new year is approaching and, after the emotional roller coaster that was 2023, I’m deciding to dedicate 2024 to being the best version of myself because honestly… I deserve it. 

With that in mind, there is something that I've been debating telling you all for a long time. I’ve hinted at it in asks and such for a while, I’ve talked openly about it with people in DMs, but I’ve never actually said it outright on my blog.

I am a trans woman. I have always been a trans woman. I am also a bimbo. This isn’t just a kink for me; it’s a big part of who I am and who I'm becoming more and more every day.

So why did I wait so long to say something? Time for a quick history lesson and some Kiki lore. When I started this blog like 10 years ago, there was a super popular bimbo creator named Summer (also known as @bimboisbetter) and there was a huge controversy because Summer came out as a catfish. She was a man pretending to be Summer. Looking back, part of me wonders if Summer wasn't also trans… but it really isn’t my place to speak on that. (Also, that being said… Summer, if you’re still out there somewhere and reading this, I hope you’re doing well) Anyway, people were super upset because Summer deceived them. I, despite early accusations of being a woman, claimed I was a guy because I was masc-presenting and not even sure if I was trans or not at this point. I also RPed frequently as a tgtf (transgender transformation) that would get bimbofied. And playing a girl just… made sense. In retrospect, it felt more authentic to who I actually would realize I am way more than the masc person I believed I was “supposed” to be. But all I knew for sure that I didn’t want to face the same criticism Summer did, even if our situations were super different. Flash-forward a few years, a couple hiatuses, and a whole lot of soul-searching later, I’m now very comfortable with my identity. I know who I am. I know I was always her, even when I was making awful jokes like this. I’ve always been KIki; it’s just in the last few years that I’ve truly let her emerge from her cocoon. And I can’t wait to keep growing and becoming the best bimbo barbie I can be!

xoxo,

Kiki 💖🏳️‍⚧️

[velvetvexations]

--- somehow i don't think the trans radfem movement thinks aphobia is a fine word to exist

It's almost quaint. Almost.

Why is there a wave of trans radfems defending 4chan boards

I'm going to need to be pointed to this if only because I'm going to get dinged for spreading malicious lies about trans women being "Nazis" otherwise, but lmfao if true.

wtf kind of hill is txttletale dying on now?

I mean she's still a tankie fuck but apparently now she's also getting in on the transmisogynistic harassment campaign game.

isn't "doll" specifically a fetish term? that is really not something people should be applying to other people without making sure it's ok first.

No, it's a Black ballroom term that trans women started running with.

People on this site are taking pissing on the poor to a whole new goddamn level “telling people that this person is/has sexually harassed someone who was a minor is calling everyone with their identity a pedophile”, I’d blame the school system but that really was a choice not to actually read and relay

it's definitely malicious

joan jett in the mv for i hate myself for loving you is like, unbearably beautiful

so true

it’s so obvious that these people choose to isolate themselves in a dimension crafted out of their own self-hatred that they care more about hurting their oppressors (and people who don’t even oppress them) than uplifting people hurt by systems of oppression. sometimes i think i’m bad but then i come across people like that and realise i’m relatively well-adjusted

inspiring innit

post addressed to trans women from a trans woman about trans women –> trfs in the notes: “why are you telling me to be nice to trans men?”

they have their priorities

absolutely wild to say that transunitists are 2010-reddit-style mras and then say things like "afab privilege." yeah those afabs with their wielding of power. and i bet they get free drinks at every bar and their bosses promote them for being pretty, huh.

they get upset at having their logic compared to MRAs because it's implicit misgendering (never mind that they directly call random trans men MRAs and radfems as well) but I'm not sure what they expect when they talk at length about how all of those fucking evil AFAB bitches are just waiting for their chance to screw you over with a false rape accusation

"pick me" is AAVE, and, like all white girls, they're overusing and misusing it until it has no meaning left 🙄

I actually wasn't aware of that. Neat. Disputed? See replies.

a lot of this going on is just reminding me once again of the intense monogenderism that really never gets worked on. It’s super awkward as a multigendered individual and an intersex one

it also just really feels so fucking tone ignorant the way people talk.

society still calls traits of men or masc, some even actively choose to agree while still being a counter to it gender but obviously real trans women don’t so attacking those things would never hurt them, and multigender trans woman who are also men? Obviously fake.

the English language is so fucking insufficient

I honestly wish every asshole who seems to think the ability to mask as complete cis and definitely just your assigned gender is a privilege had to live in my head for the holiday season. I am entirely in the closet with my family because of bigotry I have no other choice than living with my family for multiple reasons I just spent the entire winter holiday pretending to be a woman answering to my deadname being called aunty and sister and daughter and not being able to say jack shit about it without even being able to retreat to the solace of my friends afterwards because they are all busy with their own families. I want those assholes to experience the emotions and thoughts I just went through and come out the otherside and see if they still think that this is a fucking privilege.

Love you anon. <3

that anon telling on themselves so hard saying transmisogynys "far deeper" than transphobia. literally why on earth would you phrase it like that if the point was anything besides "my *special* oppression is way more poignant and meaningful than your boring regular oppression"

lmao right though it's so obviously just trying to mark their thing as having more dramatic flair

do you keep a backup of your blog with a program like tumblthree? there's a lot of valuable posts on it, and tumblr is almost distressingly transitory.

I don't, but noted.

[too-much-tma-stuff]

As Weak as You are Strong

Part 2 of Mutually Assured Disaster, as usual this isn’t edited so if you see any errors let me know!

-----------

Training Danny did not go the way that Hood had expected it too. First off it started way sooner then he had expected or wanted, he had wanted Danny to rest and fully heal before they started anything, maybe settle in fully to Gotham. But by the end of the first week he had realized that keeping the boy still was a fucking impossible task, he was so fucking restless! Jason attempted it for another four days before realizing that he had to give Danny something controlled and safe to do before sitting still drove him crazy and he did something stupid.

The easiest way to do that just then was to start training Danny, he was able to put it off a few more days by telling Danny he wouldn’t start training until he was signed up for school because the teen didn’t want to go back to school. But it was only a couple days before he seemed to decide that even school would be better then nothing.

Danny accepted being given a new identity, Danny Nightingale and let Hood forge paperwork to have legal guardianship and then enroll him in a decent school. Though he wouldn’t be starting till next semester to give him a chance to settle in to his new home. Jason wasn’t entirely sure when he’d decided Danny belonged with him, but he had, and was looking into bigger apartments for him and his new ward. After all it was official now.

“Okay the first step will be for you to show me what you can do to get a baseline, so we’ll go to gym I usually use after breakfast,” Jason finally said one morning as pulled a bottle of milk out of the fridge. Usually he cooked breakfast for them but it was a bad idea to eat to heavily before a work out, he’d take Danny out for lunch afterwards instead.

He heard Danny pause from where he was digging around in the cupboard grumbling about how healthy Jason’s cereal options were, as if he wasn’t the one who’d already eaten the box of sugary shit Tim had left here. The silence went on for too long and Jason scowled, turning to put the milk down on the counter and stare ad Danny hard.

“What’s the issue Wisp?” Jason asked sounding more annoyed then he actually was.

“Well, it’s just, I’m really strong and I have, like, a lot of powers? A Lot, I don’t even remember all of them half the time! I think it might be better of we leave town for me to show you? Like, if you want to see my most powerful ability that’s my Ghostly Wail, which is a pretty powerful sonic thing I don’t have great control of and I’m worried if I tried to do it inside I might bring down the building.” Danny rambled as casually as he could while he went back to digging for cereal and brought them over to the table.

Jason blinked as he processed that and then nodded slowly. “Okay, we haven’t talked about this much, what powers do you have?”

“Well, the sonic scream I mentioned, super strength, flight, intangibility, I can make and control ice, I have enhanced senses, I can shock people though that’s a hands on attack… Oh, I can sort of hypnotize people, I can possess people as well but I don’t like doing it… I can shape shift a bit though I’m not very good at it yet.” Danny said, counting them out on his fingers and looking a bit unsure as if he might have forgotten some.

“Damn Spooks what Can’t you do?” Jason asked, making light of how genuinely shocking Danny’s power level was.

“I think eventually I’ll learn how to shoot lasers.. Oh! I forgot my ecto beams! I can shoot ecto from my hands with some force, it’s corrosive to humans. And I can’t duplicate yet, the one older member of my species I met could so I assume I’ll learn eventually? I’m not really in a rush to learn though, I already kind of scare myself,” Danny admitted, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Alright, can you show me everything accept the wail inside?” Jason asked tapping his fingers absently against the table, before Danny shoved the box of cereal across the table to him and he remembered they were supposed to be eating.

“I think so, as long as I’m careful. But if I break anything you’re paying for it,” Danny joked around a mouthful of cereal, pointing his spoon at Jason.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jason said automatically, forcing himself to power through the realization he was fucking parenting this kid. “If I have to pay for anything you’re grounded.”

“You can’t ground me, you’re not my dad,” Danny shot back with an exaggerated pout, at least his mouth wasn’t full this time.

“So you’re not living under my roof, eating all my food, and asking me to train you?” Jason asked, raising his eyebrows, Danny stayed silent, pouting and poking at his cereal, steering the last few bits around the bowl. “If you have so little control of your power that you would break something you might seriously hurt a human in the field even if they don’t deserve it, and we don’t want that so if you break anything you’ll be grounded and it’ll be longer before you get into the field. Until we’re both confident in your control,” Jason explained firmly, he watched Danny consider that then deflate and nod.

“Fine,” He mumbled, drinking his cereal milk and bringing his bowl to the sink, washing it quickly.

Jason let it go, he knew Danny didn’t want to hurt anyone, he was a good kid, he was just disappointed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had a shit attitude when he was Danny’s age as well. Jason finished his breakfast quickly, cleaning up before he grabbed the keys to his bike. “Alright let’s get to the gym, I already made sure it would be kept empty for the morning, so no one will see what we do.” He had been going to this place for ages and no one had found out he was Red Hood after all, in Gotham businesses that catered to vigilantes and rogues were deeply valued.

Danny nodded and grabbed the helmet Jason had bought for him in the first couple days. He left the apartment and went down the stairs ahead of Jason as he locked up. Danny bounded down, jumping a flight of stairs at the time and waiting on the landing for Jason to catch up before leaping down the next one. Jason didn’t understand why he was doing but he had learned gravity didn’t affect Danny the same way as most people did so jumping that way wouldn’t hurt the kid. And if it made him happy Jason didn’t give a shit, he just hurried to keep up.

Danny sat on the back of Jason’s bike, making him think about how he should really look into getting a sidecar or something, even though Danny seemed to enjoy riding on the back. Actually, it was the first time Jason was genuinely considering switching to a car for regular use, that would be safer right? And what if Danny wanted to have a friend over once he started school? Jason couldn’t bring both Danny And a friend home like this. Ya, he should definitely get a car.

God fucking damn it, he was a dad.

They reached the gym no problem and Jason lead the way this time, Danny hanging back just a little, clearly nervous. Jason marched on ahead, leading by example that there was nothing to be afraid of, and Danny hurried to keep up. There were a few people there still there so Jason whistled loudly and reminded the room at large the gym was privately booked out for the next couple hours and it was time to clear out. There was some grumbling but everyone went, it wasn’t exactly the first time this had happened.

“Okay the first thing is a test of strength, help me move all this shit out of the way,” Jason said, he was joking really but Danny didn’t seem to notice. He nodded firmly and went and grabbed one of the pieces of exercise equipment, lifting it and all the weights attached with no trouble at all. Jason had to pause to process that, watching as Danny moved it off to the side. “How much exactly can you lift?”

“I don’t know, I lifted a bus once and it wasn’t to hard,” Danny told Jason casually, as if that was fucking normal! Jason really had his work cut out for him with this kid. He sighed at Danny and then went to grab some targets since Danny had mentioned some sort of blast.

“Alright now that we have a clear patch show me what else you can do,” Jason said once he’d set up the targets. Danny nodded with a determined set to his jaw and in a flash of light that made Jason blink Danny had changed, his hair turning white and his eyes a green that would have made Jason’s stomach turn if he wasn’t already half used to Danny’s eyes flashing that colour randomly.

Over the next hour he watched as Danny blasted the targets with green beams that seemed to melt through what they hit and then eat through the rest, shock, freeze, and fight. When Jason told him to hit a punching bag as hard as he could Danny fucking broke it! The chain snapped and the bag flew across the room.

“I’m so sorry!” Danny yelped as soon as he realized what he’d done, before Jason had fully processed it. “You told me to hit as hard as I could! I should have known to hold back a bit but-“ Danny cut off on his justifications, ducking his head and biting his lip.

Jason took a deep breath, watching the sand that spilled from the split in the punching bag and trying not to think about what that force could do to a human body. “It’s alright, I did say to hit it as hard as you could. Now I need to see if you can punch just hard enough to drop a person without hurting them badly,” he said, ushering Danny over to a bag that wasn’t broken. He wanted to spar with Danny but he needed to make sure it wasn’t overly dangerous to his health first.

“I can do it in my human form,” Danny offered, eager to be helpful. “I have some access to my powers when I am but they’re much weaker when I am so it might be safer.”

“Safer for others but what about for you? You’re more vulnerable when you’re in your human form right?” Jason demanded and Danny winced, nodding reluctantly. “Alright then we’re going to work on you being able to control and restrain your strength in this form. You should be able to do that anyway, pulling a punch takes just as much strength as following it through and the control is even more impressive.”

“This is going to take forever,” Danny groaned.

“Well then we’d better get started then shouldn’t we?” Jason said, repressing his smile in case Danny thought he was making fun of him.

Danny groaned dramatically again, wallowing but only for a moment before the determined set to his jaw returned and he nodded. “Good, do you think you can spar with me without throwing me into a wall?” Jason joked, Danny wouldn’t want to hurt Jason so it really was the best way to help him practice.

Danny barked a startled laugh and grinned. “Oh ya! Don’t worry I’ll go easy on you~” Danny teased making Jason laugh in return, the kid really liked to banter.

“Don’t hold back to much, I’m plenty strong,” Jason shot back as he lead the way to the mat. “After this though I’m taking you to the shooting range. A gun with rubber bullets will be a good way for you to have a ranged attack without shooting fucking acid, and it’s a lot gentler then you can hit. The last thing we need is for you to get worked up or spooked in the field and really hurting someone by accident.”

“Turns out I’m not a gun, I’m much, much worse,” Danny joked and Jason rolled his eyes at the movie reference.

He dropped into a fighting stance once he reached the mat. “I’m on the attack now, I just want you to show me how well you can dodge and block Without using your powers.” Once he had Danny’s confirmation and the younger man was in his stance Jason lunged without a count in.

Danny wasn’t bad for someone who didn’t have any actual training, he was quick and his reflexes were good but he was clearly used to relying more heavily on his powers and took a couple pretty hard hits. Just as importantly though he took those hits, stumbled, recovered, and kept going. They could never avoid every hit, being able to keep going in spite of it was a crucial skill in this line of work.

Jason pushed it until he could see Danny starting to get frustrated so Jason had a good measure of both his abilities and his capacity and then backed off. “Alright we need to work on that, and your patience,” Jason said as he left the mat for a moment to grab their water bottles.

“Why?” Danny asked, maybe a little petulantly, he was eager to get out on patrol and he had always been able to rely on his powers before. Still Jason chose to answer the question in good faith.

“What if your attacked as a civilian and need to hide your powers? What if some day you’re up against something who Can actually hurt and hit you? They obviously exist given how you found me. What if some day you lose your abilities?” Jason pointed out. “Your life is the most important thing so if you have to use them so be it but we need to make sure you can handle yourself decently without them.” He handed Danny his water bottle and they both drank while Danny processed and valiantly attempted not to sulk, he was still a teenager after all and a bit immature.

“As for your patience, you don’t have anger issues like mine but if you lost your temper you could do a lot more damage.” Jason noted the way that made Danny flinch, he’s ask about that later.

“Alright now your turn to attack, show me how you fight without those powers of yours. You can turn back now if you want to, though I think you should patrol in this form so you should learn to control your strength like this. It’ll help keep your identity secret too. Though if the people in this city haven’t figured out who Nightwing is their obviously fucking idiots,” Jason told Danny as he put down his bottle and returned to the mat.

“I don’t have a lot of practice fighting humans, just other ghosts, so until I get a better feel for that I think I’d rather spar as a human as well. I mean, I’m still strong like this,” the same flash of white light around Danny and he once again had black hair and blue eyes. “But not as strong so it’ll be a good way to ease into it right?”

“Sure that makes sense, come on,” Jason said beckoning for Danny to come at him. Which he did, sloppily. He was fast, but he was untrained, his strikes were wide and telegraphed, Jason dodged and grabbed Danny’s arm, flipping him and putting his back on the ground before letting him up. Danny stood up again, looking a little more wary this time, he took a moment to consider Jason before attacking again, his attacks a little more considered and precise, but still pretty damn obvious.

Jason blocked and dodged mostly, letting Danny land at least one hit to see how hard it would be, he pulled it pretty well actually, it might leave a bit of a bruise but it didn’t even knock Jason over. Jason took Danny’s moment of triumph for landing a hit as an opening to put Danny on the ground again with a chuckle, he had to keep the kid humble after all right? He offered Danny his hand to help the boy up giving him a warm smile.

“Alright, not bad but there’s a lot you could learn. I think we’ve got a good baseline of what your capable of, and I’ll start training you in MMA and other fighting styles tomorrow, and shooting lessons this afternoon. First lunch, what do you want to eat?”

[1whore1gang]

Ghost Drabble

“I thought you were dead.”

Hey friends!! Ghost won the pill so here’s a short and shitty little drabble for y’all.

It’s not super inappropriate, lots of grief, mentions of losing a child, lots of foul language.

Love you guys!!! Enjoy and PLEASE lmk what you wanna see! You guys are the readers after all so i wanna cater to YOUR ideas!! 🫶🏻

“No. I-“ She took a deep breath as she focused on her word choice. “Why, no- how are you here? I don’t get it.”

“Please, just let me explain.” Simon tried to reason with her as his heart beat out of his chest. “Please you have got to hear me out.”

“I’m listening but you better talk fast.” Her tone was a mixture of fear and command.

“It’s not what you think. When I joined this team, I wanted a new identity. I didn’t want to be who I used to be, the one who was tortured, the one who went through all that loss and pain. It’s not like I had anything left in my life anyways-“ Before he could finish with ‘but you’, she cut him off.

“You didn’t have anything?! Simon-“

“It’s Ghost here, they don’t want anyone leaking my identity.” He quickly corrected her and she looked at him offended, tears turning her eyes glossy. She paused for a moment her mouth agape.

“First of all, it’s not ‘ghost’.” Her words were mocking the name. “It’s Simon, because that’s who you were to me. You were Simon Riley, my Simon.” She accentuated her words. “Do you not understand what you meant to me? What weight you held in my life?” She paused, almost waiting for an answer, but he didn’t even open his mouth. “Second of all, you had me. You had our life. You had our daughter.”

Her statement bit him. It felt like a knife had went through him. “And when I was grieving her death you know what else I was doing?!” Her tone escalated to one of anger. “I was mourning you!!!”

Her face was now etched into his mind forever, sure to haunt his dreams from now on. Tears were streaming in rivers down her face, staining the collar of her shirt. Her eyebrows were furrowed in sorrow, her lip quivering. “I’m so sorry.”

That’s all he could muster. He knew no excuse would suffice for what he left her to endure alone. “Where were you?” She asked in a pleading voice, needing answers.

“They wouldn’t let me see you. Said it was for my privacy and identity security.” Simons voice began to crack, and she began to soften, it was something she’d never seen. “I wanted to run to you, hold you in my arms, apologize for leaving you the way I did. It tore me to shreds knowing you were battling it alone, and it haunted me knowing what I did.”

Simon took in a shaky breath as tears of his own formed. “I dreamed of coming home to you, comforting you. They wouldn’t fucking let me.” His voice went quiet as he cursed his superiors. “If I wouldn’t have been faced with serious consequences, I would’ve broke every rule, but the consequences would’ve set us further apart.”

She stood speechless. She was so lost in this moment, not knowing how to go about Simon this way. From childhood to now, this is the first time she’d ever seen him cry. “Simon…”

“It was my plan to eventually have you find me, I just didn’t think it’d take this long.”

Again, she stood evaluating every movement of his face, the expressions, the way his eyebrows twitched when she met his eyes. She couldn’t deny the pang in her chest, the one of pain. “I know I don’t deserve it, but would you ever grace me with your forgiveness?”

He waited in silence, his nerves tingling with each passing moment. Simon carefully watched as she opened her mouth before hesitating and closing it again. “Simon, it’s been almost 10 years since you faked your death and I got that dreaded phone call. I was only 20 years old with a 2 year old all alone. You should’ve known at the age of 25, that I was too young. I was still a kid myself in ways. You left me to raise a kid when I was barely an adult, the pain I went through at such a young age because I let my childhood best friend give me his last name.”

Simon nodded, agreeing what he did was wrong. “But, when she passed, I felt like I had aged 10 years because I had to mature fast to be a mom raising her child by herself. She was only 4 Si, and she never even got to see her dad, let alone know him. But, in the end, I know what this job can do.”

Her chest raises as she takes in a deep breath. “I know what they can ask of you and how easily it is for the wrong person to know your face, your name. I don’t forgive you right now, but I’m willing to work on it on one condition.”

Simon answered almost too quickly, “Anything.”

[experimentfae]

Marshall Lee x fem! reader

Oneshot

♫₊˚⋆｡♪₊°♬˚.⁺

You were at your job sadly that job was the unfortunate retail, at a music shop “hey do you where the flutes are?” Asked a women who weirdly look identical to you’re friend fionna “yeah there best to the drum sticks.” She thanked you headed there. 

You sighed going through your phone to pass the time not realizing someone entered the store. While continued you’re scrolling around you’re favorite app you heard someone come up.

You put your phone and your eyes widen and felt your cheeks become red to see a super hot guy, “hey can I a guitar pick?” Took you a minute but you realized they’re right behind you “o-oh sorry I’m.. let me g-get this for you.” Inside you are feeling embarrassed that you’re stuttering.

“No biggie.” You put the Guitar pick on the scanner “is that all.” He seemed to be in thought it he quickly got out of it “na this is all I need.” “That… um well be 1.30.” You spoke avoiding eye contact. “Here you are and see ya.” He handed the money and head out with his new guitar pick.

You banged your head onto the counter “I completely embarrassed myself, he probably thinks I’m some weirdo now.” You groaned out “um hello.” You looked back up now extremely embarrassed you forgot that chick was still here “Sorry! Um I’ll scan that for you.” You replied just wanting this interaction to be over.

After she payed her flute she left, you sighed you took your phone, beginning to text fionna need to vent what just happened.

[y/n]: Fionna I did something stupid I need you to make me feel better!

[Fionna]: what happened?

[y/n] I embarrassed myself in front of this hot guy, then I embarrassed my self again with some that look like you’re twin but that’s besides the point.

[Fionna]: weird properly saw her before. It’s ok (y/n) that guy will forget eventually and next time you see him you can re introduce yourself.

[y/n]: you’re probably right just also upset is because I didn’t even get to know what his name was. Hopefully I do see him again.

[Fionna]: I’m sure you will (y/n) are you busy this weekend?

[y/n]: Nope my weekend is free.

[Fionna]: Awesome I been wanting to try the new boba shop that opened up, been dying to try one of those.

(Y/n): then I’ll see you tomorrow bye bud lunch break is starting and I’m super hungry.

[fionna]: Bye Bud.

After lunch breaks me more work you finally finished work, you headed home and was thankful the weekend came quicker then you thought.

Next day you and fionna were at the boba shop getting your orders “maybe I should get this one.” Mutters fionna as she looked around the boba options. You already made you’re choice waiting for you’re drink.

You then suddenly see the hot guy again you almost gasped let’s pray that you good maybe even ok at least “hey fionna.” He spoke heading towards her…. Wait what.

“Hey Marshall Lee just getting some boba with (y/n).” She knew him?! You watched as his eyes widen when he looked your way “It’s you from that music shop.” NOOOOO HE REMEMBERS!!!! “I um… I need to use the bathroom!” You yelled speeding away.

Thankfully the place did actually have one, so you went in trying to hide until he left “why the did I do that.” You groaned out feeling frustrated at yourself, you embarrassed yourself again, You immediately beginning texting fionna.

[y/n]: you knew him?!

[Fionna]: Marshall Lee was the guy you were talking about? Small world.

[y/n]: how come you didn’t tell me? Who else do you know?

[Fionna]: well I know this guy named Gary and that’s about it really and I guess, and LSP oh almost forgot Hunter.

[y/n]: Wait isn’t Hunter you’re boyfriend?

[Fionna]: What no! This is about you not about me and if you’re waiting for him to leave he left, so come out of the bathroom.

You let out a sigh of relief and came back out to see fionna with her boba waiting for you. “Done chickening out?” Fionna asked “I’m not chickening put I’m just… needed to genuinely use the bathroom.” “Huh uh.” She replied with a knowing smirk.

“If you’re interested he told me he thought you were cute.” Fionna stated while drinking ther boba “wait really?” You asked with hope in your eyes “yeah.” She simply said like it wasn’t a big deal. You became flustered.

“You know what I should get you guys to officially meet!” Fionna suggested with excitement “I… maybe I would be more prepared.” You replied feeling hopeful this time “yeah, maybe you, me, cake and Marshall Lee can have a hangout.” “Sounds cool.” You agreed feeling a bit of confidence.

“So how about Wednesday?” Fionna suggested “yeah I could do that.” You replied “cool.” You two counties with your day out until night time, you were home now hoping you could be able to face Marshall Lee in person, after all he thinks you’re cute.

Couple days later, Wednesday came and After work you got dressed and waited for fionna to tell you the location.

[y/n]: where’s the location at?

[Fionna]: where at a Marshall Lee place’s he wanted us to hang out to watch the movie me and cake found called ‘heat signature’ .”

[y/n]: I did hear that movie was pretty good alright guess I’ll head over there.

Fionna sent you the location, thankfully it wasn’t that far, you checked to see it was the right apartment and it was, so you knocked on the door making sure you looked good then you see Marshall Lee opening the door.

“(Y/n) you made it, come in.” You wanted to see something but it’s like the words got stuck in your throat so you just walked in. “Alright.” He spoke seating down on his red sofa. “Yes! movie night, oh can you make nachos I always wanted to try those.” Spoke cake in excitement “alright I’ll be back and you guys make yourself comfortable.” Cake and Fiona sat together while Fiona assured for you to sit next to her.

“So got the hots for Marshall Lee.” Stated cake making you blush “it’s obvious isn’t it?” “Yeah.” Cake simply said while eating chips, “don’t worry remover what I said about Marshall Lee he thinks you’re cute.” Reassured Fionna “thank’s fionna.” We then see Marshall Lee back with the nachos.

“Be careful cake I p- cake didn’t wait time and grabbed a nacho and ate the whole chip until you started screaming my a little and immediately grabbed her drink and gulped the whole thing. “What.. the Glob.. was that?!” Yelled cake between breathes this made Marshall Lee laugh “there are jalapeño peppers in there, I tried to warn you.”

Cake could only grunt while the rest of us laugh, “you have a nice, laugh.” You paused you’re laughing to see Marshall Lee was talking to you, “I-um t-thanks.” He smiled “you’re welcome. “Now let’s watch this movie.” He said Turing the light off and starting the movie.

While watching the movie you grabbed the nachos and other snacks you hummer in delight of tasting the food “glad you like it, I’m not much of a chef but… I try.” He spoke “yeah it’s… it’s good.” You agreed making him smile.

“I gotta use the bathroom.” Fionna stated while nudging cake “huh.” Cake looked confused until she seemed to remember something “oh! Um right I’ll come with.” They both got up and left.

You both Continue to watch. “Sir I can’t get a radar it’s like… they be one have a heat signature?!” Spoke one characters you forgot the name of already. “You know they did that to give us alone time.” Spoke Marshall Lee with a knowing smirk.

“That’s explains w-why they both went to the bathroom.” You replied “and I know that you have a thing for me girl it’s apparent.” This comment made you blush like crazy you’re hands instinctively covers you’re face. “wait no I-!“it’s ok no need to shout I think you’re cute, and I wanna get to know you more.”

You slowly uncovers your hands “really?” “Really now when can we hang out again?” He asked with hope making your confidence come through “I… maybe next weekend would be cool to hang.” You’re face no longer you showed you’re small smile to him “cool then let me give you my number.” He text you his and you text him your number.

“Well then cutie can’t wait for next weekend.” You smiled “yeah can’t wait too.” Fionna and Cake came back with smiles “so you gonna date now?!” Cheered Cake “that takes time cake.” You replied “makes sense, I guess.” She replied.

You guys continue to watch the movie but you couldn’t help but continue about your next hangout with Marshall Lee.

<- Back to MasterList or back to Fionna and Cake/ adventure time

[mlb-a-rewrite]

Chat Noir is Adrien

That seems pretty obvious, they are literally the same person. Honestly, I don’t know if this was ever a point of contention in the fandom because I’ve never been, like, properly in the fandom but I remembered hearing about this a while ago and thought I talk about it in regard to my Rewrite :)

Adrien and Chat Noir are the same person, again, obviously, but they act very differently from one another, particularly in the show. Adrien is always polite and carefully spoken while Chat Noir says anything and everything. They act like different people, but they aren’t.

I think every person goes through an identity crisis in their life. Mine has been ongoing but it was pretty bad a few years ago. I felt very lonely because I didn’t have anyone who knew me, but that begged the question, Who am I?

Depending on the situation I act differently. I make different jokes around family than I do around friends. I speak and act differently at work than I do in my house and at school I behave entirely differently, but all of these are me.

At school, I am naturally quieter and more withdrawn. It would be unnatural, not authentic if I were to be super outgoing and sociable. That is me.

But with friends, I make crass jokes and laugh about dumb shit. I instigate conversations and go out of my way to spend time with them. That is also me.

Neither of these versions of me are facades, they are all me, but reacting to different situations. I don’t particularly enjoy school so I go into low power mode, but when I do happen to enjoy a topic or have a friend in the same class then I am more invested. I am fluid and changing and all different “versions” of me are still me.

To apply this to a fictional teenage superhero, Adrien acts a certain way at school, and as time progresses he gets more comfortable in the “version” of him he is at school and settles into it. When he transforms and becomes Chat Noir, another “version” of him surfaces. One isn’t more valid or authentic than another; Adrien is simply adapting to his circumstances.

One minor issue (yes it’s only minor this time around) I have with the show is that they never show bleedover between the different “versions” of Adrien. I may be wrong, but I believe they do with Marinette early on where they show her gain confidence as Ladybug and that transfers over to her as Marinette, but they never do anything like that with Adrien.

Going back to my example from before, in class, I am typically quieter and more withdrawn, but if I have a friend in that class or was just talking to my friends before I went to class, that may change and I end up being more talkative and involved. If something bad happens in my personal life, I will be unfocused and tired in class. These different “versions” of myself are all connected and they bleed together, they impact one another.

As a whole, I think the show should look into this more. Or, if they don’t want to dive into that, they just ignore it entirely, but a lot of the show’s main struggles are with the heroes, Marinette in particular, dealing with having “two lives” that are at odds with each other. It would make that struggle more interesting if they dove into how they personally struggle with this outside of just being stressed, you know?

In my rewrite, I’m not planning on diving into this in great detail, but I want to make sure that the connection is present. I see how changes in one “version” of a character impact the others. 

When Adrien gets his miraculous and becomes Chat Noir, he suddenly has unlimited freedom and gets to experience something new. As a result, he starts to discover himself more in this newfound freedom and realizes he likes making jokes and goofing off but that he likes to do so because it makes the people around him smile. 

As Adrien, he makes the people around him smile not primarily through jokes, but by acts of service. He spends time with them and connects with them on an emotional level to support them. Adrien still makes jokes, but they aren’t his go-to as it is for Chat. Chat likes to connect emotionally with Ladybug, but can’t fully because of their secret identities.

Adrien and Chat Noir are the same person but just put names to that same person in different circumstances.

[pagerspages]

Transgender Imposter Syndrome

Gender update #?

I used the phrase transgender imposter syndrome today. I have another genderqueer friend who I talk to every so often and we’ve been talking about hair lately. I have super thick curly dark hair. The place I used to go to get my haircut closed down last year. I think I used that as an excuse to just stop cutting my hair. I haven’t had a haircut in like 10ish months. Lately I’ve enjoyed the length because it’s more of an androgynous style. You look at me from the shoulders up from behind and I’m not sure you could tell what gender I look like. If I shave everyday I even look a little androgynous from the front although I do still present pretty much all masc out of laziness and survival seeing as the area I’m in isn't real kind to trans folks.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking about how we never had a stylized haircut until later in life. I always just had a buzz cut with the number 3-4 guard on until like 15. I never wore my hair curly until after I graduated high school and had my own money to buy products because my mother couldn’t afford the stuff that was good for my hair and had no idea how to keep curly hair healthy or style it. I’m constantly fighting with my hair. It’s just long enough to get in my eyes at this point and it’s a sensory nightmare. I really want to cut it but everyone tells me it looks really good. I get comments on my hair like 5 times a week from customers at work. I secretly love my curls but they’re so much work and I’m so tired. I’m also worried about looking to masculine if I cut my hair. 

Every so often I’ll slick my hair into a more “feminine” style just to see what it looks like and I don’t know if I’ve ever admitted it to anyone but one of those times I looked into the mirror and saw the girl I could never be. This is where the phrase transgender imposter syndrome comes into play. I don’t think I could ever see myself as anything but at least a little bit of a man. No matter how much I don’t want to be a man or don’t feel like a man I will always see a man when I look into the mirror. I hate that. How can I call myself nonbinary if I see myself that way? I feel like I’m soiling the trans identity.

I know there isn’t a right or wrong way to be trans. I know that your gender identity journey is going to be a lot of ups and downs. I know that it sometimes won’t make sense. I know that everyone's identity is valid. I know all of this I swear. My brain just won’t translate these things to include me into them. I’ll get there someday, maybe soon. ( I pulled this last line from a song called robert’s place by Simon Robert French. You should really go listen to this song. @simonrobertfrench)

[hihigherdi]

My friend from Seattle Mike and I have this kind of spooky relationship where he reaches out with something for me after his prayer times. He’s a deeply spiritual person who helps vulnerable, marginalized people be well in their body, mind and spirit. He’s such a good guy. We aren’t close friends but it’s been happening for years, when I need to hear from Gcd the most, Mike shows up in my Facebook messenger. He even wrote about it in his book. It doesn’t happen with any of his other acquaintances. It even happened the night of my first mammogram and when I found out the tumor was bigger.

So when he let me know he was in town to give a talk to a group of people from a church, I decided to go. I haven’t been around Christians in years, pretty charismatic ones, I have a rocky relationship with that group and they always make me feel a little uncomfortable I’m not really a Christia, I don’t think I ever really was but there is some thing that deeply resonates about the Holy Spirit for me and always has since I was little. I just don’t understand all of the other stuff around it, so I stopped going to church because I just felt like I was using it and using all the people who build such a lifestyle and have such a commitment to it. I felt disingenuous and I’ve always felt super uncomfortable and organized religion as a result.

I was in Seattle Thur-Fri and decided to triple check the time of the gathering and realized it was Saturday morning, not evening – so I was able to change my flight to take a 6 AM flight home to make sure I could drive the hour for the 10am start. I got up at 3:45 AM to make sure I got to the airport so already a long day before I even got there.

I walk in and it’s this guy’s apartment and there’s maybe 15 or 20 people there. I don’t know anyone, they are mostly Chinese or Korean – obviously part of the very specific community, very Christian. I felt uncomfortable, but it was so great to see Mike, and people were generally nice. Some people had actually flown in from other places to hear Mike and I teased him for being kind of a big deal.

The pastor of the church was there and Mike ended up giving kind of a talk back-and-forth. I was immediately annoyed that the pastor talked so much and didn’t give Mike a chance to speak. It was an interesting topic - identity - and the question and answer time I talked a little bit about how I found it very easy to hide from myself in church culture – that I actually didn’t deal with my pain, it probably didn’t have anything to do with the people around me, but more about me wanting to hide and not having a commitment to change and to do that. Ultimately, I found Church mostly very lonely and i’d experience the most personal growth through my friends who were atheist. I was careful not to blame them, because I don’t think it’s their fault – it just wasn’t my place, it wasn’t my way.

The discussion then moved to a concept called soul ties – the person that you feel a connection to that is keeping you stuck in growth, the conversation that you constantly have in your head and always talk about. The groove you can’t get out of in your mind. So we broke up into small groups and talked about our soul ties and prayed for each other – I was a little uncomfortable, but was with the sweetest young man and an older woman who again, wouldn’t stop talking. She wasn’t vulnerable at all, she was exactly the type of person who did a lot of scolding about Harry Potter and witchcraft and blah blah blah. I was totally annoyed. When it was my turn, I talked about my soul tie I wanted freedom from and they prayed for me – and in the quiet the young man Leo said “Diane, I think God wants you to know that he trusts you.” I have no idea why, but that hit my heart so loudly and I burst into tears. I’m still processing why.

After lunch, there was a time for prayer. I dug in stubbornly and told myself that I’m not going to ask for prayer, that if I was meant for it, somehow it would come up in the room with all of these strangers. I had this picture of the paralyzed man from the Bible being dropped down by his friends, and even though those weren’t my friends, that was the only way I was going to be prayed for. There’s something about having cancer that you want to tell everybody and you don’t want to tell anybody all at the same but when you say it – it’s a real party stopper. It almost feels kind of manipulative to talk about it.

So the pastor asked, “who would like prayer?” and immediately this random guy said I just feel like we need to pray for Diane”. Remember, I don’t know any of these people they were total strangers – I looked at Mike and asked if he had said anything and he looked bewildered and said no. I absolutely burst into tears in the whole room to me and I told them what was going on – they gathered around me and prayed, and one of them said Diana’s like the paralyzed man that was lowered down to be prayed for- that actually happened.

I said all of it out loud how I feel like I’ve done this to myself, and I’ve hurt my friends and my family and a process. All that guilt and shame just poured out and the fear of being mostly alone during the treatments. I told them I was not going to ask for prayer but that I had the picture of being dropped down on the mat in that room. I think they were all freaked out as I was

Afterwards, I met two women from my area who could go to a local church. I grab their numbers. I’m still pretty suspect of Christians and their role in this world but I think two things can be true at the same time. Regardless, it was a remarkable experience, and between that and the peace of being in Seattle I’m as ready as I’m going to be.

[your-queer-dad]

Can you be a trans man and not trans masc? Sorry if this is a stupid question, I’m just feeling a little confused about my identity. In a lot of ways I dress kinda androgynously but definitely more masculine than ever feminine. I don’t feel like a super binary man, but I still feel like I am a MAN. It seems like for nonbinary men, transmasc is often used? But I’m not sure how much I actually identify with the label, bc I don’t really feel like I am super super masculine?? I feel more like a man who just likes more androgynous things? I also like a lot of things generally associated with femininity liek long hair and painting my nails. But idk. Maybe I’m just getting confused and this is just semantics but I’m feeling very uncertain rn I don’t even know if this ask makes sense I’m sorry

Hey kiddo, thank you for reaching out, it's a really good question and I'll try and explain how I see it from my own perspective as a transmasc myself. Labels and words that we use to describe ourselves are there to describe our own personal experience of the world and our identities to others without a fifty page essay on how we feel. Sometimes not every one fits, even if others think it's supposed to, and that's okay.

Transmasc is an umbrella term for genderqueer people who feel connected to masculinity, so it's really up to the person whether they chose to use it or not. You can 100% be a trans guy and not be transmasc. Only you can control how you identify and you should go with what feels most comfortable and most like you.

I'm so proud of you, I love you and I hope you have an amazing day.

- dad x