#I’m so sad to see the end of this week but also a little relieved

[binglepringle]

CassCainWeek day 7!

Prompt: free day | birthday!

No surreal emo drawing today, just memes— Cass gets a card from her mom, inspired by the new Batgirl series <3 Happy golden birthday to Cass !! 🥳💫

Image description: a set of memes in which Cassandra Cain, dressed in most of her batgirl suit (minus the cowl) and a striped party hat, opens a card which reads: “Cassandra— it is occasionally useful to me that you survived. —Shiva.” Cassandra wears an expression of annoyance. In the next part, the page is split in two panels. The top panel shows Cassandra looking up from her apartment window, pointing a middle finger towards the sky. The bottom panel is Lady Shiva, who is watching Cassandra through a pair of binoculars from the roof of an adjacent apartment building. She shoots the bird back at Cassandra. Both middle fingers are png’s positioned accordingly, because the artist cannot draw hands. End description.

[misstycloud]

Yandere cowboy x fem.reader

Yandere! Cowboy who’s the towns sweetheart. How can he not be? He helps every troubled soul he comes across, doesn’t matter who they are. He works hard every day to easy the load of providing for the family, he’s not a child anymore, of course he’ll do anything he can to help out! Besides, who wouldn’t fall for those muscles and pearly smile? You’d be crazy if you didn’t.

Yandere! Cowboy who you meet the first day of your ‘vacation’ to stay at your grandparents. Your parents though you’d been acting up the last weeks so they decided it was best to send you away for the summer, much to your dismay. Now you’d have to text your friends that you can’t hang out at all. Damn it. Being forced to stay in a in-the-middle-of-nowhere town definitely wasn’t your top priority. There was practically no service and nothing to do all summer. You’ll be bored out of your mind unless you manage to find something to entertain you. Luckily, there does appear to be something worthy of your attention- or rather, someone. It’ll certainly make things more interesting.

Yandere! Cowboy who you think is kinda cute, if not a little weird. He’s no doubt very different compared to the boys in the city- speaking in that special accent, wearing worn overalls, sweat at his forehead everytime you meet and practical thinking above all else. Still, you find yourself intrigued by his contrasting personality.

Yandere! Cowboy who is enchanted by you. You��re just so….wonderful. Funny enough, he also thinks you’re different, which interests him. Normally, he isn’t the type to brag and is quite humble, but he isn’t blind. He can see the way the girls in town drool over him. He knows he’s attractive. But you, you don’t fall over your feet whenever you gets a glimpse of him. You don’t stutter over every word while talking to him- in fact, you’re as cool as a cucumber. It almost seems like you’re flirting with him.

Yandere! Cowboy who notices you way your eyes sparkle when you speak of your interests. He starts thinking about the way you sound when laugh, how you pout when you’re frustrated and what you look like when you’re sad. It’s all beautiful. You are beautiful. Soon, it’s not only that he focuses on. Now, every time you’re walking ahead of him, he pays attention to the curve of your ass, how your hips sway when you walk, and suddenly he finds himself having to adjust his pants.

Yandere! Cowboy who you enter a special relationship with. You’re more than friends but less than actual lovers- that’s how you see it at least and you believed that’s what yan! Cowboy wanted, too. You two spend all your free time together in each others arms and going on cute dates around town and in the forest.

Yandere! Cowboy who wishes to marry you. You’re his perfect match! It must be fate that you ended up in their little town. He’d give you a big beautiful ring- he’s saved up quite a bit during his years of working, so he can easily afford it- and let you have whatever wedding you imagine. He’d make sure it’s exactly how you want it. Then, he’ll personally build you a house. Of course, before he starts working on that, he’ll need to know if you want a porch, what kind of shutter you want and what colour should the exterior be, would you like a fireplace?

Yandere! Cowboy who can’t believe it; you’re leaving? You say that summer is over and you don’t have to stay there with your grandparents anymore. You almost seem…relieved. No, that can’t be it. You love him! Right? Or was the connection he felt just one-sided?

“Sorry, you weren’t meant to catch feelings for me or anything. I just wanted to have fun, pass the time y’know.

“So I didn’t meant anything to you? Not even a little bit?…”

“I do like you. But I live in the city and my stay here was never going to be permanent. Like I said, I’m sorry it got a little too serious.”

“…….”

“Yeah, I gotta go now. I wish you well though, see ya.”

Yandere! Cowboy who spiraled after you left. You’ve dug yourself too deep in him. He can’t imagine going on about his life like you never existed. He thought you could be happy there, even if wasn’t like the big city you were used too, but that was clearly not the case.

If he had to uproot his life and move to be with you, then so be it. He wonders if you’ll be happy to see him again.

[hyperfocusthusly]

Lifelines

——-

Tommy had been staring at his phone, typing out a message, an apology, anything. He always ends up deleting it. Over and over, so when it actually rings in his hand he almost drops it. The news hits him like a train, pushes everything else to the background.

His sister is dead. Her and her husband, car accident, didn’t stand a chance.

The flight is bad, the funeral worse and then someone from social services shows up with a baby he met once when she was newborn and only really recognises from pictures. The woman hands him a 6 month old child and explains that this is what they wanted. The will stipulated that he would be their guardian in such a circumstance.

He stares at her tiny face. She stares back.

He shuts the door and wonders how anyone could think this was the right choice.

——-

He has to tell his Captain. He chooses to tell Lucy. He distinctly chooses not to tell anyone else.

——-

Babies are hard, as it turns out. There’s no room for grief with an insistent baby taking up every waking second. No rest from being relentlessly needed. No telling her she’d be better off without him.

He thinks about calling.

While he watches her crawl down his hallway after a woodlouse, pointing insistently, letting out an excited little “ah!” as the bug in question scuttles under the shoe rack. She follows it carefully, watching with an intense curiosity that makes something churn deep inside Tommy’s chest.

He thinks about calling.

The first time she gets a fever and won’t settle unless she’s upright on his chest. It’s not the first time Tommy has gone 24 hours without sleep but it feels worse. His nerves scraped raw from her distress. His hand on her back counting her breaths over and over. He thinks about calling.

But what could he possibly say?

——-

The secrecy works until it doesn’t. Until the morning that Chimney is stood in the local doctor’s car park watching Tommy, darker eyed and more scruffy, strap an 8 month old into a seat in the back of his truck. Tommy doesn’t see him, or hear Jee whisper “is that Uncle Tommy daddy? Is that his baby?”

——-

It’s how Chimney ends up stood outside of Tommy’s door one lunchtime. He isn’t home but Chimney knows he needs to wait. He knows what trying to handle a baby that age by yourself is like.

When Tommy gets home and sees who is waiting for him Chimney has to give him credit for actually pulling into the driveway rather than continuing in the opposite direction.

Tommy gets out of the car, Chimney doesn’t miss the moment he takes to collect himself before looking up to him.

“What are you doing here Howie?” He sounds ragged.

“Just checking in, two months is too long, I’m sure someone owes someone a beer.”

He goes for light hearted, trying to ease out some of the tension that has appeared in Tommy’s stance. He is hovering by the back door of his truck, fingers tucked into the door handle, endlessly thankful that she closed her eyes and fell asleep on the drive home. Something hovers in the air between them until Chimney takes a step forward.

“I saw you at the doctor’s last week.” Tommy’s brows crease slightly, then pull back as he realises what Chimney is actually telling him.

“Are you going to hide her from me forever?” Tommy looks relieved somehow, less trapped. He shakes his head and carefully takes her out of the car. Settling her into the crook of his arm and pulling her diaper bag over his shoulder.

“I don’t really drink beer too much anymore.”

“A coffee then?”

“Yeah.” He swallows nervously, tries not to let the implications of this meeting, and the conversation he knows is coming, get to him. “I could do with a coffee.”

—-

[read on A03]

| Part two | Part three |

Tagging some people who interacted with my abstract post about this (hope you enjoy!🫶🏻);

@leashybebes @beanarie @accefan-blog @big-urchin-energy @loucifersbitch @fyrehose @evansbuck-ley @sad-girl-hours23 @certifiedbisexualdisaster @theweewooshow @beckym2001 @kinardevans

And also some beloved pals;

@bidisasterevankinard @rubydaiquiri @sweaters-and-silly @apassingbird @sunnywithachanceofbi @theotherbuckley @desert--moonchild @comfortingevanbuckley @livelaughlou @epiphainie @actuallyitsellie @typicalopposite @wikiangela @bi-bi-buckleys @littlepaws9 @ohithankyou

[dumbslvtforethan]

𝜗𝜚 that could've been just another silent night. ethan landry

-- Summary: after your boyfriend Chad doesn’t fulfill your desires Ethan makes sure he will 

warnings smut!, a little bit of fluff, dirty talking. 1,231 words

navigation

𐙚 mdni!! ↓↓ 𐙚༘⋆ೀೀ

IT WAS RAINING , you were chatting on the phone with your boyfriend, chad, which is also your roommate. The rain noises filled up the whole room.

Your phone rang “unknown number” it said. You picked it up, not knowing what to expect. “Hey sweetheart” the velvety voice said. “Hi?… who are you??” You said, getting up from my bed slowly.

“I’m just the guy who will fuck you until you can’t walk” he said, you could feel the smirk in his voice “what?” You said confused and curious to see what was behind that misterious voice. “Stop joking” you said, after the 2 long minutes of silence.

“Oh no sweet dumb thing” he said “I’m being completely serious.” He continued. “Once I see that pretty pink pussy of yours I will rip it apart.” He said as you hung up. You were terrified, but honestly kinda horny. I mean, you loved chad, you really did. But he never teased you like that, whenever you had sex he would always be so dry and emotionless about it, sure there was moans and groans but he never said anything during it. And honestly dirty talking was one of your biggest kinks.

As you walked around your room, you noticed an unfamiliar presence you hadn’t noticed before, that white mask and black robe starring in the dark corner. You froze, he was approaching you, slowly but aggressively. “Hey sweetheart” he said, uncomfortably too close to your face. He pulled his mask, revealing the shy dork, Ethan, also chads best friend. You always found Ethan cute and attractive, previously having fantasies about this dark side of him, but you never imagined that one day he would be saying something about ripping your pussy apart in a ghostface costume.

“Ethan?” You said, extremely confused but also excited. “Shh sweetie we don’t want your boyfriend to find out that you’re fucking his best friend do we?” He said, taking his costume off. “Now, be a good girl and lay down with me huh?” He said, now with gray sweatpants and a hoodie.

You layed down with him, you were hugging him from the front and he did the same, we were admiring each other with the dim light of your room that covered our faces.

He put his hands on your cheek and turned off the lights completely on the other. Even knowing he was a killer and your boyfriend’s best friend, you felt safe in some weird way. Like he would protect you if someone barged into your room like he did.

After a few hours , which felt like a few seconds i fell asleep in his arms. When you woke up Ethan wasn’t there. You were confused, didn’t he say he was going to fuck you? You were so tired that you thought it was some dream or fantasy that the alcohol from the frat party you’ve been the night before created, you didn’t want to believe it was real.

The truth was that Ethan’s intentions were exactly as he said. Ethan was actually supposed to kill you according to the instructions of his dad. He couldn’t kill you, but he had to. After his dad ordered him to kill you, he felt angry and sad at the same time, he wanted to relieve his emotions by fulfilling his sexual desires and fantasies about you. But when he saw your pretty face, he completely melted.

This unexpected encounter has been happening every night for a week by now, and surprisingly, you became closer to Ethan, you would tell him about your day, and you two always ended up hugging each other and cuddling until you fell asleep. On the other hand, you hadn’t been paying that much attention to your boyfriend, whenever he would ask something you’d always be distracted thinking of the night before. He started to notice this behavior from you, and became extremely annoyed, you two had a huge fight that day, you loved Chad but he wasn’t fulfilling your desires, he wasn’t making you happy, he wasn’t giving the sensations Ethan gave you, he wasn’t Ethan.

As always, that night Ethan climbed through your window and noticed you curled up crying on your bed. “What happened sweetheart?” He said sitting on your bed and putting his hand on your back “me and Chad had a huge fight.” You said, still sobbing. Ethan was filled with rage, he couldn’t believe Chad would hurt his girl like that. “Why? Did he hurt you?” He said, very concerned. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but-“ you said facing him “he isn’t you, he doesn’t care for me like you do, I think I love you ethan.” Ethan’s rage turned into happiness “you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear those words.” He said, grabbing you into a kiss. Ethan’s lips were soft and gentle a touch you wouldn’t have expected from a ghostface “you want me to fuck you so hard that you forget about him don’t you good girl?” He said, breathing heavily as he made out with you, you could only nod.

He threw you on the bed, taking off your shirt and sweat pants only leaving you with your black lace bra and matching panties. “So pretty just for me” he said as he admired you. He took off your bra next, you whimpered feeling your nipples hardening with the cold breeze that filled your room. The gaze of your bare breasts made his mouth water. He took one of your breasts in his mouth and started licking and sucking on it. You moaned at the feeling. You bit your lips, this was better than your fantasies. “I wanna feel your insides so badly” he said as he took your swollen and wet breast out of his mouth. His words sent chills down your pussy. he took out your panties and started to rub your clit roughly you moaned his name at the feeling.

He pounded his huge cock into you, making you moan “fuck you’re so tight” he said, in between groans. you pant, eyes scrunched shut in pleasure, your orgasm building quickly. you turn to hide your face from him, burying yourself into the mattress.

“Don’t fucking look away from me” he said grabbing your chin to face him. “I wanna see your pretty face” he said in between groans, breathing heavily.

You were reaching your climax, you almost forgot that Chad was your roommate and could barge in your room at any minute. You didn’t even care, you were already moaning so loudly that probably the whole neighborhood was hearing you.

“M-m’cumming! m- my g-god” you moaned “cum on my pretty cock princess” with his words you drenched his dick with your pussy juices. “Fuck you’re so pretty” he said. You switched positions so that you were on top of him. “Now is my turn to take care of you” you said taking his full length into your mouth. You could taste your insides in his dick. Shortly after that he released himself into your mouth. “Such a good girl for me.”

@jchampionsgf - on tumblr

a/n: wrote this months ago and honestly dk how to feel abt it

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm DELIGHTED by so much goodness, also I lust after a boy's robot's pants

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 - I support the fact that the producers seem to have decided that even in uniform Yai never needs to wear sleeves. Hear hear.

No sleeves for Yai ever again!

On the other hand, why doesn’t anyone ever wear gloves? Going around touching evidence all willy nilly like that.

No to sleeves. Yes to gloves.

People. Sheesh. Get with the program.

Anygay, this is such a fun show. I could watch 50 episodes of this abject nonsense. I’m sad it’s gonna be ending. And I don’t say that often about Thai BL. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 12 of 14 - Oh has Jeff been kidnapped again? Here, let's throw fruit at Babe and think about it for a bit. Tra la la. Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - They are such very good boyfriends. Also, this is a ton of kissing for OffGun. I’m at a loss as to how they are going to turn this into a decent 12 ep show. Unfortunately, I’ve foresee it going off the rails - pacing seems off. 

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - We have our little No Comebacks twist. The sides are growing on me, but now the mains are boring me. The sudden gun-toting new characters are just weird. It’s like they took the script and just threw it down a staircase, gathered it back up again, then filmed that. 

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Fueang is an actor in the midst of crisis and scandal. Normally I don’t like Thai BL when it’s tackles celebrity and this is... yep, the same. Our actor is pitted against an older worried nerdy app developer, Krom. And I feel that dynamic - hyung romance, jock/nerd? Very nice. But it’s also very Star Hunter. Never met a trope they didn’t wanna do a million times over - in the very first episode. Also I think I’m not a fan of the actor playing the lead. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 24fin - The blond who comes to get his hair shaved looks just like Fluke T (SOTUS et al). And even more like him after the shaving (My Bromance et al). Is that him? MDL doesn't say.

Anygay... something something: Orphan. Cancer. Kisses. Dream. Death. 'Bout what I expected. 2/10 even with a decent kiss I don’t do dream sequences and I don’t like death in my BL 

All in all, I’m relieved that that’s over. The series is a slog. And in general I don’t recommend it. I plan to promptly forget its entire existence. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 3-4 of 8 - There is so much to adore about this show. The two younger guys who are suddenly in competition for the one older one. You know hyung romances are my favs. A hyung love triangle? COME ON. Also, I got to say this one’s giving me second lead syndrome. I do love me a brat. Add in all this on honorific play and linguistic flirting (as their should be in age gap). This is just THE BEST show. 

Look I gotta say this: the "Who did this to you?" trope (AKA who hurt you?) is the single most popular romance trope right now, remarkable to see it turn up in a BL. And pleasing. Trust Korea to be ON TREND. It's their national agenda. *respect*

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) eps 1-2 of 6 - From Fuji TV (who brought us the Pornographer series) adapted from Mayo Tsurakame’s manga, production team includes Tadaaki Horai (My Love Mix-Up!) and Takeshi Miyamoto (scriptwriter for Old Fashion Cupcake). Hiro’s so stressed at work he barely has time to eat so he passes out on the sidewalk. An unfamiliar face saves him and insists that they once promised to marry each other.

Ready?

Oh I fucking love it. Sullen, out gay, younger seme with serious grumpy overprotective tendencies and beautiful possessive cat eyes? Well, it’s not dimples, but it’s still my catnip. Also they are moving very quickly. Hand jobs already? + dub con seasoning? Say it with me everyone:

Oh Japan, must you? 

Apparently, you must. And I must enjoy it. Carry on.

Please reread those producer creds and understand what we are in for. Okay? I would urge you to avoid this one if you get squeamish when JBL does what... JBL does.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - I really enjoy the character of an OCD intellectual automaton professor, contrasted to a warm and sunshine actual robot. Out the gate, this is oozing Taiwanese domesticity, we can only hope they juice it with their usual standard of heat too. 

All puns aside: It’s charming and I’m charmed. Does Taiwan finally have another winner on its hands?

I do adore Taiwan's aesthetics: The house designs, the suit designs, the human designs. I wouldn't say no to the robot’s pants either. Very cool. Can I order them in black?

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - The birthday confession was a bit much. But I love how mature the reactions were. It reminded me a little bit of I Cannot Reach You. Always a good thing. 

Girl: I like you. 

Sakae: sorry, not intersted 

Girl: what am I lacking? 

Sakae: a dick 

What you mean it didn’t go that way?

Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 2 of 3 - Oh it’s lovely, exactly as I expect from Strongberry.

I gotta say all of the above are pretty neck & neck for top spots for entirely different reasons. BL is seriously giving right now!

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 8fin - In the end this is mostly a piece about courage, and the rewards and disappointments that being courageous entails. Sadly, I personally didn’t have the courage to enjoy it. Featuring a chaos nugget bad boy student who falls madly in love with his teacher, this should’ve been My Thing. But Japan failed me. It happens sometimes. The leads had no chemistry, and the age gap rather than being a narrative driver and source of conflict, was just ignored. 7/10 

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone got a link?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmese BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

The Whisperer (Thai Horror) - @all-you-had-to-do-was-neigh commented with the following: "MASSIVE content warning for extreme ableism, homophobia, and rape plots done for shock value. I don't recommend it, and if any of your followers decide to watch it proceed with caution."

So... yeah, I won't be watching it.

It's Airing But...

[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 12 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still Coming in Feb

2/17 A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year head hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through many girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy criminal breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

GMMTV is officially stalking me.

I do love OffGun's particular brand of domesticity. It's fun that they and TayNew are both getting to be so soft on our screens. It's very comforting, like a family favorite warm toddy. (Cooking Crush)

Korea, what's gotten into you? Are you feeling okay? Such bold weaponized gayness isn't like you at all. (Love for Love's Sake)

The Sign, forcing me to ask the eternal question.

I LOVES THEM YOUR HONOR. (Pit Babe)

(Last week)

[ladylooch]

What if you’re recently going out with Nico and you can’t go to the game but you have plans to go out to eat after? But after the defeat he is feeling sad and tired and cancels, and you feel bad for him so decide to get him takeout from his favorite place ♥️. Once you get to his house he is just sad looking at replays of the game so you cheer him up! (You can do whatever it can be fluffy and cute or hot l) love your writing!! 🥰🥰

A/N: Okay Nico girlies, it’s time to heal. 🙏🏻

You’re five minutes into the third period of the Devils game when it dawns on you that you have not heard Nico’s name in quite sometime. Your eyebrows lower as you pause from wolfing down popcorn and M&Ms - your guilty pleasure snack. Tonight, you are trying to hold off your hunger long enough to meet Nico for a late-night snack. Eating at 11:00pm isn’t your normal dinner procedure, but for Nico Hischier you’ll make any exception. Curiously, your head tilts to the side while you grab your phone, scrolling through Twitter, looking for an explanation. 

“Nico Hischier is missing from the #NJDevils bench.” 

Ten or so more tweets follow that one. You bite your lip. The Islanders pressure on him has been intense since puck drop. You hope he is okay, but resist the urge to reach out to him. He will when he is ready. 

At least you think so.

Things with Nico are new. You aren’t sure what to expect from him tonight.

You watch the rest of the game, curled up under your weighted blanket, hoping it will relieve some of the anxiety you feel pressing into your lungs. Breathing is laborious as your airway tightens. Tingles of uncertainty practically numb your fingers by the end of the game. 

A little ping brightens your dark living room to your left. You grab your phone, seeing Captain Nico 😈 pop up with a text (his doing, not yours). 

Hi 😘 I’m so sorry to do this, but I have to take a rain check for tonight. Doctor’s orders are to sit on the couch and not move until I leave for practice tomorrow. I am so sorry. I promise I will make this up to you. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight. I’m sending you some pizza through DoorDash. 

A lump forms in your throat from both the frustration of not getting to see him, but also the sadness for him being less than 100%. 

It’s okay! I completely understand. Your payment of DoorDash Pizza will be enough for now 🤪 You’re so sweet and do not have to do that. I’ve had enough popcorn and M&Ms for the two of us! But, I hope you are okay. I am here if you need anything.

You sigh, tossing your phone back onto the couch and leaning down to scream into the fabric. Fuck. You wanted to end the night falling asleep in his arms again. He has this way of calming the entire world with his touch. You needed that after a stressful week at work. Now, you’ll be tossing and turning all night, worrying about him.

Now, I’m definitely getting you pizza. No girl dinner for my girl. I am bummed, babe. Trust me. Wanted to get my hands on you. It’s been a long week.

An idea pops into your head, but first, you’ll need to wait for that pizza.

The pizza is still warm in your hands when you walk towards Nico’s apartment door. Thank god for the nightly activity in Hoboken, so you could easily piggy back into the main entrance. Plus, who looks scary with pizza in their hands? No one.

Your boots scuff at the floor beneath your feet until you get to Nico’s door.

“Hey did someone here order grabby hands and pizza?” You call out after a soft knock. You chuckle at the movement you hear beyond the door.

“I did.” He chuckles as he opens the door. Your body relaxes when you see his dimpled smile. He is definitely happy to see you. He’s wearing a backwards hat and comfy, Devils sweats. He looks okay, but his right shoulder seems to have extra padding around it. You tentatively reach for it, feeling the coolness. “Ice.” He winces slightly when he tries to shrug.

“Back on the couch, cap.” You insist. 

“Can I have a kiss first?” He asks, puckering his lips. You lean up, going slightly on your tip toes to connect your faces. Your eyes close as Nico gives soft, gentle pecks that awaken your body. Pink dusts your cheeks as a soft moan escapes his mouth. “I’m afraid the hands will have to wait. I look better than I actually feel.” He tenderly adjusts the ice on his shoulder. You frown deeply, staring at his hand there. 

“Are you… going to be okay?” You finish hesitantly. You aren’t sure if he will tell you, or if you really even want to know. But you’re a little scared and more information would be better than being in the dark.

“It’s too swollen and sore to know the extent of what’s going on.” Nico says. “Could be a sprain, could be a tear.” You nod, then bring your eyes back to his.

“Whatever it is we will work through it together.”

“I’m so glad you are here.” He murmurs, reaching to caress your face. His thumb strokes your cheek in soft swipes that have your heart growing in your chest. “I bet if we each have like five slices of that pizza and fall asleep together, I’ll be better tomorrow.”

“I stay the night one time and now you’re so presumptuous Mr. Hischier.”

“I can’t help myself. You’re a great cuddler. I’ll beg if I have to.” There are his dimples again, just for you.

“And here I thought I was going to have to beg you.” You chuckle, poking his stomach then walking towards his kitchen. “Can I get you anything?” You ask him.

“No.” He murmurs back, looking lost in thought as he scans your face. “Have I said how much I love having you here?”

“Literally two seconds ago.”

“Okay, well, that was too long ago. I love having you here. A lot. I usually have to go through these moments alone and not having to do that tonight is nice.” You nod because you understand how comforting it is to have someone take care of you too.

“I love being here, Neeks. Now put your butt back on the couch. I’ll bring you pizza when its warm again.”

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Eps 7-8: Always Forward

Writing about the end of Love in the Big City is hard for me because it’s hard to seem to happy about a show going so dour for this long, but I mostly feel relieved that the show didn’t completely pull back on Yeong’s bleak existence after Gyu-ho. Overall, I really loved this adaptation, and especially enjoyed Sang Young Park’s opportunity to revisit this story after a few years away from it.

Starting with the way Gyu-ho haunted this section, I absolutely loved how they were able to flash back to the previous part and allow us to see how much closer Yeong got to Gyu-ho. I thought the looks at their trip to Thailand outside of the Yeong depressive haze of Part 3 played out really well here now that he’s mourning the relationship. It’s always so sad to me with Yeong how he will choose to isolate rather than subject his bullshit on others.

I find myself thinking a lot about the pills they got for Gyu-ho, how they were able to have one night of lovemaking without Kylie hanging over them, how the side effects of those drugs were pretty rough at the time, and how Yeong probably hated the idea of Gyu-ho taking pills forever because of him. It’s ironic that the idea that they could build a relationship around Kylie scared him more than anything because he knew it would be less than what he envisioned Gyu-ho could have for himself.

I wrote last week about how the apartment was too small, and I’m so glad that we got to see Yeong move out of that apartment in the finale. It felt so appropriate that he moved to a new place that literally looked like a blank slate for him to start over. I’m glad he took so little of the old apartment with him. He kept his mother’s nicest liquor cabinet and her trophies, a few personal items, and otherwise gave himself a new start. Like many of us, he had a big love in his 20s and it didn’t work out. He’s had some success as an author, and now can try to move forward. I like that the only things he takes with him to the new apartment beyond a few personal items are his friends. That feels like the right place to end a story like this.

Speaking of the T-aras, I really loved including them in this show. I hope that for SYP, there really was a group of friends like this for him during his 20s when he was experiencing the events that inspired some of this story. It feels like a not-so-quiet love letter to those friends that he made sure we saw how they grew and supported Yeong over the course of the story.

I loved that we saw Yeong grow closer to Eun Su in this section over the broken engagement. Gay relationships can be hard because we don’t have the structures of heteronormativity to help keep us together, like child rearing. So much of it comes down to whether we want to be with this person in and of itself, and for many of us marriage just isn’t the right solution to affirm that. I like that Eun Su realized this about himself before they committed to far, and it was Yeong who he knew would understand him on this.

I am so glad they went with different directors for each section. I think Hur Jin-ho might be my favorite with the way he used a lot of still shots to capture the stifling nature of Yeong’s time in the hospital and his broken relationship with Yeong Su. I loved the way Kim Se-in shot the follow up look at the trip to Thailand in Part 4, after the beautiful work Hong Ji-young gave us in the small details of the relationship with Gyu-ho that Hong Ji-young captured in Part 3. I would also like to applaud Song Tae-gyum for getting so much energy out of the cast and the shots in Part 1, because the long toll of events on Yeong does not land without coming down from the energy of Part 1. Absolutely phenomenal work from all four directors and the crews.

As a single story instead of four connected vignettes, I respect the choices the adaptation made to soften some of the heaviest parts of this story, and in particular give us a more hopeful look at Yeong’s future. I love that I feel like I can love the book and drama together and separately. It’s rare that I find a drama adaptation does a good job or elevates the original work, and I’m really glad that I can say that about this show. Everyone put they whole foot in this drama, and it shows.

Finally, I would like to give a huge thanks to Nam Yoon Su, Jim Ho Eun, Lee So Kyung, Kown Hyuk, Na Hyun Woo, Lee Hyun So, Byun Jun Seo, Jung Chan Yeong, and Oh Hyun Kyung, and the rest of the cast for all their work on this show. This feels like a once-in-a-generation show, not unlike Moonlight (2016), where we may never see the direct impacts of it. Someday, I hope we see the spiritual successor to this show, and can point back at it and thank it for getting us to that future. It’s rare that we get this much experienced talent in dramas playing queer life this frankly, and I will carry Go Young with me for the rest of my life, and will reflect on him and myself in his relationships with his mom, the T-aras, Gyu-ho, Yeong Su, Mi Ae, Nam Gyu, and even Habibi. What I am thankful for with the drama is that we leave Yeong looking forward and not back.

It has been an honor reacting to this show with all of you in the Love in the Big City Book Club. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, gifs, and creations with us for this past month. I am so thankful that we got to do this experience together twice. I look forward to our next big outing.

[pollyna]

I don’t even know why the first thing that my brain thought of after waking up at 7am was this, but here you go!

A hand find its way to Mav’s hair and it gently ran through it.

“That’s nice,” Mav thought. He opened one of his eyes to see whose hand it belonged to and fully expecting to see a silver haired man next to him, looking at him with that relieved smile.

Instead, Maverick woke up to an empty hospital room and the usually occupied chair next to the bed was empty. He was looking for Iceman, the person who was always there when he woke up from another crash or accident but he couldn’t find him.

“Maybe Ice went for coffee or something” Mav thought.

Right on time, the door to mav’s hospital room opened. Mav couldn’t help but smile his wide sunshine smile that he reserved just for Ice after getting into trouble again. He also couldn’t help himself from saying “Hey, Ice” to the figure entering his room.

The eyes that met his were the wrong colour. They were brown instead of the icy blue eyes that he loved and the brown eyes are filled with guilt and sadness.

“Sorry Mav. It’s not Ice, it’s Bradley.”

“Oh hi baby goose” Mav said to Bradley as he came closer to the bed and stood next to it.

“Where’s Ice? Do you know when will he be here?” Mav asked Bradley and he watched him sucked in a harsh breath and those guilt in his eyes intensified.

“Are you ok Bradley? What’s the matter?” Mav’s gentle yet concerned voice asked.

“Ice couldnt come, mav” Bradley answered hesitantly.

“Oh? He’s on a work trip or something?” Mav asked.

“No, not like that” said Bradley.

“Then why?” Mav pushed for answer.

Bradley inhaled deeply and briefly looked up to the ceiling before looking back at mav as he carefully chose his next words “do you remember what happened last week, Mav?”

“Yes I do. Us training for the mission, the dogfight football, cyclone chewing my ass yet again, more training, coyote going into g-loc, the bird strike and the fun—,” the memory hit mav like a brick. No, it’s worse than a brick.

“Oh… Ice’s, Ice’s funeral…” Mav said barely above a whisper and didn’t have the chance to stop himself from looking at the empty chair next to his hospital bed.

The soothing touches had been a dream or was it memory? Mav wasn’t so sure of himself anymore because how could he forget the day he lost Ice? It was the most pain he felt when he lost him and none of his many ejections and accidents were that painful. Even the pain he felt right now wasn’t as bad as the day he buried his Ice.

“I’m so sorry, Mav” Bradley offered and bent down to hug him. He pretended that he didn’t notice the tears that were falling from Mav’s eyes and continued to hold on to his godfather. Bradley’s heart broke for the man in his arms who had suffered too many heartbreaks and silently vowed to himself that he would protect him to the end of his life.

I’m sorry guys. I couldn’t help it…

WELL LET'S SAY IT WASN'T HOW I IMAGINE GETTING WAKED UP-

But it's really good and I love the concept of Mav forgetting Ice is dead because it's such a huge everything him not being around that his mind refuses the possibility of it at every turn and just- forgets he's not here.

I'm gonna cry a little brb

[thislovintime]

1968.

“‘Actually, I wanted to leave the group over two years ago when the first season ended, but the guys convinced me not to. I didn’t care about all the things that were happening, all the acclaim. I hated the work! It was tough, and I didn’t like it. I just wanted to record for all my life. Also, the pressure was awful. We were working in an incredibly new environment. Half of the crew on the show was young and had very little experience at that level of work. Many of them were getting their first big break. Actually, after the TV show was canceled it was easier for me to leave. Doing the TV show was the worst. Then came the movie, and I couldn’t forego the movie, so I did it. You know, there were moments here and there — lots of good, funny stuff happening throughout — but the only time that I was really happy was when we were recording the ‘Headquarters’ album. The concerts were fun, but during the concert tours you are removed from your friends except for the guys. And even when we did take a few friends along it was only a mild relief. This last tour of Australia and Japan wasn’t fun because I felt hideously under-rehearsed. I was constantly pushing for rehearsals, and they were constantly saying well, like later. We couldn’t get together. Also, we didn’t play any new music this last concert tour. It was all old tunes, nothing from our newer albums, and it was a bore. But I think they suspected I was leaving anyway. For me, a lot of the pressure was off. When I felt a part of the group every time someone said something that jarred my sensibilities, I’d raise a huge ruckus and everybody thought I was out of my mind. While we were making the TV Special, knowing I was not going to be there any longer, I just thought to myself — I don’t have to worry about this thing — and I just let everything slide off my back. They must have though something was screwy. Then I finally told them, ‘Gentlemen I’m in negotiations to resign from the group.’ And they said, ‘Okay, well, there’s not much time, we’d better get to work on this Special.’ So we taped the thing and that’s the last I saw of them. The last day of the taping they gave me this little testimonial memorial watch.’ From his pocket Peter drew out a silver, antique-looking timepiece with the back side engraved, ‘To Peter Tork, from the guys down at work.’ ��I’m free, I don’t know what I’ll be doing. I’m actually a little apprehensive, because there’s no doubt that there are three other incredibly talented fellows out there. They’re very talented guys. Mike is one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. Micky is even funnier and Davy is just cute as a button. Who could ask for anything more? Davy dances so great, did you see him dance in the film? I’ve not seen dancing like that on the screen except from Fred Astaire. The only other thing is that I’m both really relieved and really, really apprehensive. I’m terribly glad and also terribly sad.’” - NME, January 25, 1969

“Peter and I were the bulk of the playing ability because we were musicians. But when Peter left it rather unnerved Davy and Micky — and I changed my mind [about leaving]. After all, the personal appearances were pretty well satisfying, the music was fun, and the whole thing was fairly lucrative. And Davy and Micky left alone would have been in real trouble.” - Michael Nesmith, Disc and Music Echo, September 19, 1970

"In a telephone interview this week, Tork explained why he left the group in 1968, three years after it was formed. ‘Musicians were being auditioned in an effort to create the Monkees, and the purpose was to reap money,’ he said. ‘But for our first two albums, studio musicians were hired to do the instrumentals and we just did the lead singing. I didn’t want that.’ Tork convinced the other three members, Davy Jones, [Micky] Dolenz and Mike Nesmith, to do the third album themselves. ‘But I couldn’t get the guys to go for that again, so the fourth album was half and half,’ he said. Critics had frowned on the Monkees for this. ‘Every single malcontent felt he had the right to tell me what was wrong with the situation. I took the critics to heart,’ Tork said. ‘When I talked to the guys about it, they told me if I want more I should get my own act.’ Tork describes his current relationship with Jones, Dolenz and Nesmith as ‘cordial.’ ‘I learned to put all my bitterness behind me,’ he said. ‘I hear about them through the grapevine, but we have no real call to talk to each other, although, I had a brief lunch with Davy Jones in Japan recently.’ When Tork joined the Monkees in October 1965, he was 23 years old and inexperienced in handling fame and fortune. ‘There’s a lot of things involved with money and recognition, and the price was much higher than I expected,’ he said. ‘There’s an isolating pressure that goes along with success. I couldn’t handle it.’" - article by Lisa Stenza, Connecticut Daily Campus, February 26, 1982 (read more in an older post)

[thegettingbyp2]

hi!!! could you possibly do an angsty hotch request but with a happy ending?? probably where he leaves the reader for haley cause she “wants to try again” but he only does it because of jack, and he eventually finds out about haley cheating (referring to that one episode of her phone ringing which basically allured to the idea) and has enough of it.

it takes a WHILE for the reader to get back with him, or even forgive him, cause I don’t see her jumping into his arms right after yk 🤔 like this man has to go through such heartache and beg for her forgiveness

but I cant help but give aaron a happy ending ☹️ I only enjoy seeing him sad for a while, not forever ☹️ he doesn’t deserve it ☹️ so she does end up forgiving him 🤗

thank you 💗💗

I'll Do Anything

Turning Aaron away had been one of the hardest things you had ever done; you loved him with your whole heart but there was no way you could just give in and take him back after what he had done to you, what he had put you through.

‘What do you mean you’re going back to Hayley? Aaron, you realise what she did to you, right?’ you asked incredulously as Aaron stood in front of you just after telling you that he was leaving you to go back to his ex-wife.

‘I know exactly what she did, (Y/N), but she said she was sorry and it would be best for Jack if his parents were together. I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I need to do this.’

It had been a month since Aaron had left you to go back to Hayley and it had been a week since he had turned up at your doorstep, having found out that Hayley had once again been cheating on him. Your first thought was to take him back with open arms but you also knew that if you did, you would be doing a huge disservice to yourself; no, if you were going to take Aaron Hotchner back, you were damn sure that you were going to make him work for it.

It killed you at work, it felt like you couldn’t get away from him and every time he looked in your direction, it made your heart ache that little bit more. You could see how torn up he was as well, it was clear that he hadn’t been sleeping but that was yet another thing that you couldn’t let yourself care about.

‘Wheels up in 20,’ Aaron concluded the debrief as you all started to head off to grab your go-bags. ‘Agent (Y/L/N), can I have a word with you, please?’ Your body ran cold as you froze in the doorway, Derek bumping into you before you had the chance to step to the side.

‘We really don’t have time,’ you said, refusing to look over at him as you tried once again to leave the room.

‘It won’t take long.’ The tone of Aaron’s voice told you that there was no room for negotiation. You sighed and closed the door gently behind you, leaving the two of you in the room, alone.

‘What do you need, sir?’ you asked, still refusing to meet his gaze or move further into the room.

‘Don’t call me that,’ Aaron spoke gently, the small break in his voice caused your eyes to move to meet his and you saw red outlining his eyes and knew that he was close to crying which in turn, brought tears rushing to pool in your own eyes.

‘What are you expecting me to call you? You’re my boss.’

‘No. Not right now.’ Aaron said, shaking his head slightly. When he realised that you weren’t going to say anything, he rounded the table until he was standing opposite you. Your eyes automatically lowered to your feet but you could help the feeling of comfort washing over you when you noticed the smell of his aftershave filling the air around you. ‘(Y/N), please, I’ll do anything if it means you’ll forgive me,’ his hands instinctively reached out to take your hands in his and your heart clenched when you saw his hands ball into fists when you pulled your hands away from him.

‘Aaron, I can’t do this right now, we need to focus on this case. I need more time okay? Maybe we can talk after the case.’ You were grateful when Aaron reluctantly nodded and agreed to drop it for the time being.

---

You were relieved to be back home; you had been away on the case for the past three days so you were looking forward to having the next couple of days off work and not having to worry about anything. You were curled up on your sofa, under a blanket and reading the latest book Spencer had let you borrow, the sound of the rain hitting the window providing a soothing background noise when you heard a knock on your front door.

Sighing, you put your book on your coffee table and headed towards the door. You were shocked when you saw Aaron standing on your front step, soaked through from the rain.

‘What are you doing here?’ you asked, wrapping your arms tightly around yourself to keep warm. Aaron help his arms out to his side, his eyes squinting through the rainwater cascading down his face.

‘I told you I’d do anything to get you to forgive me.’

‘So, you’re just going to stand out here in the rain until I forgive you?’

‘If that’s what it takes.’

It was silent for the two of you for a few moments while you both just stared at each other. You cracked first when you realised that Aaron really was willing to just stand in the pouring rain for as long as it took. ‘Come in,’ you said, holding the open and Aaron shot you a grateful smile before stepping inside. ‘I’ll go and grab you a towel.’

As he was attempting to dry off as much as he could whilst still in his soaking wet clothes, you couldn’t help but watch him and reminisce about the domesticity of him drying off in the entry way, almost as if the two of you lived together and he was simply coming back home to you after a day at work.

It was in that moment, you made your decision.

‘I forgive you.’

Aaron’s movements stilled and his head snapped to look at you. ‘Really?’ he breathed out with a sigh of relief as he walked over to you; this time when he took your hands in his, you didn’t pull away.

‘Yeah,’ you said, smiling softly. ‘But that doesn’t mean that I can just forget about what happened. You really hurt me, Aaron, but this past month has given me time to really think about what happened and I get why you felt you had to go, it doesn’t mean I can just forgive and forget, okay?’

‘Of course! I’ll never be able to tell you how sorry I am and I feel like an idiot for leaving you just to go back to a relationship where I was cheated on yet again, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.’

‘I believe you,’ you said softly and, despite the fact Aaron was still wearing his wet clothes, you stepped closer, wrapped your arms around his neck and stood on your toes to press your lips to his. Aaron’s arms automatically wrapped around your waist and pulled you so tightly against his body, you were surprise the two of you didn’t become one. ‘Though before we take this any further, I think we should get you out of these wet clothes,’ you said, giggling.

Aaron let out a loud laugh and pressed his lips to yours quickly before letting you go. ‘Lead the way.’

[piastrinorris]

Man's Best Friend

Pairing: Keys x gn!Reader (no pronouns/gendered terms used) Genre: fluff Word count: 2.7k Summary: Trying a new running route causes you to bump into a new friend - as well as her new friend. A/N: I know y'all wanted more Keys smut and it's not been wholly abandoned, I just needed a break from smut to write something adorable.

Here we go. First day of the new jogging regime. This’ll be good. You’ll jog for a while, then just walk it off for a bit, then jog again, and walk again. You won’t keep straining yourself. Sure, you’ll be out of the house for a little longer, but it’ll be better for you in the long run. Plus, a longer route will mean you get to see more of downtown! You’d been wanting to - especially since your new best friend had entered your life.

You do feel bad, though - first time on the new route and Pup had to sit back. You’d tried to get him to recognise so many other names, but he only ever responded to Pup. Taking him to the vet’s earlier in the day may have started with you arguing with a five-year-old about how Pup is totally a legitimate name, but it ended with your poor canine best friend stitched up and wearing a cone.

As you pull on your running shoes, he waddles up to you sadly, whimpering. You ruffle just between his ears, “I’m sorry, Pup. You gotta rest up for a couple of days.” The dog huffs at you and you raise your eyebrows at him, “Hey now, you want lots of little Pup Juniors running around town, huh? Handsome little thing like you would be leaving trails of PJs all over the shop!” Pup looks over to the side and whines, and you you laugh, tickling him under his chin. “It’s sad that I’m able to have an almost human conversation with you, isn’t it?” Pup licks your hand sympathetically and you chuckle again, “Yep, there it is. A signal I should definitely leave the house.” You press a kiss at the top of his head and jump up. “See you soon, Pup! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”

You saunter down to where you’d normally end your previous all-jogging route. Usually once you hit this part of town you’d turn back, but today you start biting the bullet and move forward. The beeping interrupting your music tells you that it’s time to pick up the pace again, so you take off once more. You marvel at the little sights you manage to spot all around downtown, and this is only the first day. You’re relieved when you hear the next beep, not just because your muscles are tired but also so you get to soak in even more of the city.

You’re thinking about how much Pup’s gonna love these new sights and smells when you feel something against your knee. You look down and see a brown dog headbutting your legs and immediately melt down onto your knees to greet it. As the dog puts its paw on your shoulder, the sunlight that had been adorning you two is blocked. You look up to see a very cute guy smiling down at the two of you. “She likes you!”

You stand to your feet, making the dog whine, so you keep stroking her just below her ear, causing her to pant happily. “Eh, I have a way with dogs. It makes up for my lack of people skills.” You kick yourself internally for ultimately embarrassing yourself in front of said cute guy. Good job, self!

Thankfully, for whatever reason, Cute Guy laughs. “Don’t suppose you got any room for her at home, do you?”

You shake your head, “Sorry. As adorable as she is, I’ve already got one of my own, and I barely have the time for him!”

Cute Guy’s brow furrows as he looks around your feet. “Is he not out with you?”

You shrug, “Usually he is, but he’s out of action for the next couple weeks. He’s uh, had the snip this morning.”

Cute Guy hisses through his teeth, squeezing his knees together in sympathy. “Ouch, sorry for him!”

“Yeah, but he agrees, it’s better than him exponentially increasing the state’s dog population,” you nod and Cute Guy chuckles, to which you defend, “What?! He’s very cute! A real catch!”

“Don’t they say dogs take after their owners?” Cute Guy blurts out as you start stroking the dog again. As you look up at him again with wide eyes, he looks flustered, as though he didn’t intend on saying that out loud. You’re about to answer when your phone’s timer beeps, and Cute Guy frowns, “What’s that sound?”

“Shit, that’s me, gotta get going!” You shake yourself back into reality, turn the timer’s alarm off, and start running again, forgetting which direction you’d planned to actually jog down and solving that dilemma by just picking one and hoping for the best.

The next day, around the same place, you feel something brush against you. You look down and see the familiar big brown dog from yesterday. You look around but can’t see the Cute Guy anywhere. You fuss over her with a frown, hoping that she hadn’t been left to keep walking about the streets on her own again. You mutter to the dog, “It’s a shame you couldn’t hold on to that guy. I mean, following someone home for him to invite you into his house overnight? Talk about game, girl!” you commend, and the dog’s tail waves excitedly.

A familiar voice lifts your spirits too, “Ellie! I’ve been looking for you!”

Looking over to the source of the voice, you point to yourself with a confused look. “Uhh…” you start, but he bends straight down to hug the dog. 

The sight warms your heart, and you almost manage to slip away and leave them to it before Cute Guy clears his throat, “Hey now, you’ve still got, what, three more minutes of slow-time? Right?”

You frown at him. “How did you know -”

“I assumed, and Googled ‘jog-walk running techniques’,” he admits, his cheeks tinting pink. “My endurance isn’t exactly the greatest at the moment, so I thought it might help me too.”

“Didn’t you just come out of a burger joint?!” you ask with a laugh.

He breathes in deeply, with a sheepish look on his face. “My impulse control isn’t all that great either.”

“I can tell, thought you were trying to get rid of Ellie,” you tease.

“Look, I’m not getting rid of her, I want her to go to a good home,” he smiles down at the dog fondly, who nuzzles at his hand, prompting him to give her attention. He obliges with a chuckle, “and how could I not name her after my favourite video game character? She’s stuck with me against my will, even though she can hold her own, and she has a little boo-boo on one of her limbs,” he explains, getting down on one knee to point it out, and you bite back the teasing grin that so badly wants to stretch across your face.

“Little boo-boo? Sure, it’s totally against your will,” you smirk.

“Look, I really can’t look after her long-term, I just don’t have the time to give her all the attention she wants!” He sighs, still fussing over her. “Anyway, speaking of names, I don’t think I ever got yours,” he looks over at you, eyes squinting behind his glasses from the sunlight that adorns you from the angle he’s crouched at.

“I never got yours either,” you shrug. “Unless you’re going the whole hog with this The Last of Us thing and your name is actually Joel.”

Cute Guy laughs again. Goddamn, you just want him to laugh forever. The way he smiles, turns away just a little, does that little rub of the tip of his nose every time. It’s driving you wild. Your thoughts very almost drown out him starting to say something that sounds like it starts with a “Wal-” before correcting himself with the word Keys. “So, what about you?” he asks.

You’re just about to answer when your phone beeps. You shrug, “Oops, guess you’d better find out tomorrow!”

You do end up telling him the next time you see him. You start learning little snippets about each others’ lives over the next few daily five-minute windows you get with him. He’s a game developer who worked on Free City. He bought Ellie a collar and leash because the city required it, but he’s definitely not keeping her. He lives in the area of the city where you keep bumping into him. Ellie now has a bed in his house, but he’s definitely not keeping her. Over the past few years he’s been writing code for his own video game project. He’s introduced Ellie to his family, and they love her, but he’s definitely not keeping her. He’s working on finishing his passion project game with a team of people from his old job with Soonami. Ellie responds to their commands as well as his, but he’s definitely not keeping her. He graduated high school and then college a year earlier than other people his age because of his programming expertise. His phone background is a picture of Ellie sleeping on his chest, but he’s definitely not keeping her.

Soon enough, Pup’s ready to venture out into the wild. Maybe not all the way to downtown just yet, but around your area. You plan to take it easy and just walk around with him for about ten minutes before heading back. He still wants to run alongside you, but every time he tries to pull against his collar, he whimpers in pain. You bend down to him, “I know, Pup, I’m sorry. But only a few more days and you’ll be doing that too! And you’ll get to meet Keys and probably Ellie too, an-”

“Is that our ears we feel burning?” Keys smiles bashfully from just next to you, making you jump.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, greeting Ellie as she, like usual now, rams her head into your leg.

Keys shrugs, “Felt like seeing more of the city,” before feeling something press on his feet. He looks down, and so do you, to see Pup sitting on his toes. “Hey, little guy! Heard a lot about you!” Keys strokes your dog behind his ears, and you’re shocked at how receptive he is considering Keys is a stranger to him. Keys looks up at you, hand pushing those beautiful bangs out of his face as he shields his eyes from the sun to point out, “Though you never did tell me his name.”

“I have done! Lots! He’s Pup!” you prompt.

The bridge of Keys’ nose wrinkles in confusion as he looks between you and the dog perched on him. “I thought that was just a nickname!”

“Nah, he’s just an asshole that doesn’t respond to anything else. Isn’t that right, Pup?” you ask loudly, but for the first time, Pup doesn’t respond to you calling him that. He’s still looking up at Keys, panting away happily, tail beating at his toes. “Oh my god,” you exclaim as your face falls.

“What, what is it?” Keys asks, worried.

“I’ve never seen him like this, but… He’s expecting affection from you. He already likes you enough to let you pet him,” you explain in awe.

Keys grins, “Aww, c’mere, little Pup!” and drops Ellie’s lead to kneel down and tickle him under the chin while stroking just the top of his head. You take that time to let Pup go, and properly greet Ellie with a belly rub, grinning at the sight in front of you.

“So, nearly two weeks now and Ellie’s still hanging around. Guess she really is stuck with you, huh,” you smirk over at Keys. He looks over at you with a defeated shrug, and you beam. “Although, by that definition, so am I.” Keys’ face turns a delightful shade of pink in record time as he flusters on the spot.

Pup yaps out a single bark at him, making him laugh. “Yeah, I know, buddy, I should say something real smooth right now, right?” Ellie snorts out a breath that could almost sound like a huff of disbelief if you really tried to make it so. Keys seems to think so, too, because he frowns over at his dog with an indignant, “Oh, what, you think I can’t be?”

“In Ellie’s defence, you are talking to a dog as if it’s a person,” you tease as you stand to your full height. “But I do it all the time with Pup, so I won’t judge you for it, at least.”

“Oh, so it’s just the dogs that will, cool,” Keys mutters as he stands, too, and you laugh. “Um, are you… You’ve not beeped yet, so I’m guessing this isn’t a run, do you - Uh, we were looking for a dog park for Ellie to play in, did you two maybe wanna… Join us?”

You sigh deeply. “If it were any other day, I’d love to, but it’s his first day out since the snip -”

Keys winces, “Oof, yeah, forgot about that, sorry.” He cocks his head to look down at Pup, but there’s a dejected air in his tone as he continues, “Yeah, sorry, I guess I - we’d better, let you two get along with your day, c’mon, Ellie,” he picks up her leash from the ground, but the dog stays close to you.

“Hey,” you frown, and he looks over at you with a sadness in his eyes he’s clearly trying to hide. “I mean it. We should do it another day. Really.” You smile softly at him and he lets out an awkward chuckle, his gaze shying away from you. You take a little step closer to him, and Ellie very helpfully headbutts the back of your leg as you do so, causing you to lose your footing just enough to stumble into him.

He catches you with a, “Whoa, there!” and you notice how deceptively strong his hold is versus how he looks as his arms wrap around you. “You good?” He asks softly, and you nod, licking your lips.

“I am, now. Thanks,” you smile at him as you lean away, but his hand doesn’t leave your back. You chuckle under your breath, “Guess Ellie wanted to play Cupid, huh?”

He laughs, “I didn’t even need to teach her that one!”

“Guess that means she’s meant to be with you after all, right?” You smile down at her for a moment before looking back to smirk at Keys, “So, were you planning on teaching her some kind of matchmaking move?”

“Nah, I think she’s had that in the bag for a solid couple weeks now,” he admits with a nod, and you feel his fingers barely contract against your back, the slight contact of feeling them pull across through your clothes making your breath hitch. “Guess I better keep her around if it keeps you around, too, right?”

You grin, “You should keep her around, anyway, but she’s not the reason I run the same route every day.” 

“She’s not?” Keys voice cracks at the most adorable time, causing him to once again look away bashfully, and you feel the pressure against your back start to pull back.

Surged by adrenaline, you catch his jaw in your hand as it moves away from you, pushing it around until he’s looking at you, and you close the already small gap between you, quickly pausing to grin, “Nope,” before pressing your lips against his. You pull away after a peck, giggling at how he still leans into the kiss after you break it off. Pup barks again, and you smirk, pointing down at him. “Did you get all that?”

Keys scratches his temple jokingly, feigning a thoughtful expression. “I think he said, be back here at 7, and have you home before midnight. Was that right?” You laugh, and he smiles his adorable, bashful smile once more. “I’ll take that as a yes. Alright, Ellie, s’pose we better go find you someone to stay with for the night, huh? She gets a little testy on her own for too long.”

You frown, “Are you gonna be able to? Because if you can’t, I guess w-”

“Yeah, it’s fine, my best friend’ll have her for one night,” he nods, scratching her between the ears.

“Because she’s your dog?” You prompt hopefully, and he laughs in defeat.

“Because she’s my dog.”

[thementalshawty]

Weekly & Monthly Report!

So I realize that most people didn’t really like the weekly readings and updates so I decided for the ones that do to be quick about it, I shall give a little bullet point reading about certain events that can and may happen this week for those in the collective I shall also do a little sneak peek of this month! It’s a new month my patreon members try to get your questions into me this week! Love ya & if you want the full read and details join my madhouse patreon! Link is below.

For some of you there’s going to be some kind of situation or relationship with some man that’ll be important this week, whether it be your sibling, friend, boss, Co-Worker, SO, etc. some kind of important dealing with this male may or shall take place this week.

This week overall will be filled with peace and harmony I’m seeing lots of the collective feeling relieved or lighthearted and very flowy this week, very go with the flow type of energy this week for the collective yasss. Wind chimes may be a sign of importance this week, maybe some will hear the rest may see, some both I’m hearing.

Some of you will be tempted to lower your standards to make things easier or to accept less than you deserve this week and I’m seeing your guides saying AHT AHT AHT! Let’s not do that! DO NOT SETTLE FOR SHIT THIS WEEK! Only what you want and deserve only! Seeing a flag may be of importance maybe lowering your flag I’m seeing queer flags so my 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ ⚧️ including myself, LETS NOT LOWER OUR STANDARDS FOR NOBODY!

I’m seeing four leaf clovers 🍀! Good luck and great fortune for the collective this week, some money big or small is coming in for you guys Yass get that mfcn bag Hunny 💋!

Your health is something you guys need to pay attention to this week, be extra cautious some of you may be getting into accidents. Getting sick, feeling down, just be mindful and take care this week. Maybe some of you guys are getting over an illness this week too!

Spiritual love is entering, I’m hearing for some it’s romantic and for others it’s platonic. You’ll feel so connected with this person, like they just get you through and through, this is a soulmate! So gear up, it can even mean spiritual awareness and awakening within your own selves! Giving that spiritual love to yourself.

Something that was done in the past is what will financially come to you this week, idk how it’ll play out for the entire collective, but everyone seems to be having some mula coming in hunny yassssssss 👏🏽

Now it’s time for your monthly energy

Funny this month there’s going to be some kind of dealing or something with a woman with dark hair, eyes, vibe or complexion this month for some of you, I’m not sure if it’s a healthy person, if they’re not all i do know is that some of you will be experiencing the dark vibes.

There will be a loss, and there’ll be some sorrow over it but I’m hearing it’s for the best even tho ain’t nobody wanna be hearing that shit in the moment of thag loss but I’m seeing that there is something that’s ending this month for the collective and I’m seeing some sadness over it. A breakup for some I’m hearing.

Someone will be testing your gangsta this month, someone will be trying to oppose you, and make you back down but I’m seeing that your guides want you to show strength and boldness don’t back down from anyone this month.

For some there’ll be spiritual growth and increase for others its material wealth increase, but again INCREASE this month!

Whatever you’re going through this month, if you persevere you will overcome whatever issues that will come your way this month cos like every month there’s lesson and shit needs to be done in order for you to advance. Just keep swimming I heard.

There’s a rat 🐀 amongst you guys and they’re wishing bad & working against you behind your bacc like always be cautious, move in silence, & protect your energy.

This month you’ll be doing something risky or be faced with a risky move that’ll require you to make a decision and take a chance I’m not the type to tell you guys what to do just trust yourselves!

That is all folks again if you want the full extended report the link to my patreon is here

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT RESONATED & SOME MO SHIT 😂 LOVE YOU GUYS HAPPY APRIL AND HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

[sleepyhoon]

omfg i used to be all up on ur acc when u were still new and i feel so proud of u cos i remember when u first posted ur enha textfics it would crack me up sm and i checked ur blog and i couldnt find more back then bc u were still fresh from the womb and i wanted to read so many more 💔💔💔and then i would keep gojng back and scrolling in ur blog bc u didnt have a masterlist yet so i turned ur notifs on to check if u posted a new textfic each time hahaha and i would keep bugging u hopefully politely and asked u for a masterlist for easier navigation in ur blog 😭😭 i cant believe its already been a year!!! and then when u posted more i would binge them and end up lowkey spamming u and i would unlike some of those posts bc i got scared that u would block me bc of my unintentional spams 😭😭😭 but i'm so proud that you have come all this way 🤭😋 you even post full fics now wow!!! I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM MANNNNN!!!!!

if i'm not mistaken, you're from america right? how is tiktok for you and what would you do about all your edits saved on there 😔

-- i've also noticed that you and intromortal were pretty close right? if it's okay to ask this (of course, just ignore this if not! <3), have they been doing well and are they alright because why are they suddenly gone? :( i wasn't updated on tumblr for weeks and i came back to find multiple of the lovely enha writers i've become familiar with have deactivated 😔💔 i found out a few days ago that they deactivated and that made me quite sad because her works were such fun reads ☹️

have a lovely day sleepyhoon <3 can't wait to see another part to your heeseung emo fic 😘

ps you have one of the best humor in the enha writing world platform 😭 seriously ur humor is just on another level and i personally think it's the best and it really is the type of humor i love the most. in my book you're the funniest person to me on here pls actually never leave </33

okayyyyy now why am i lowkey about to cry over this .

YOUVE BEEN HERE SINCE SLEEPYHOON NATION WAS FOUNDED THIS IS SO 😭😭😭 i gen cannot believe it’s been a year since i made my silly little text fics and OMG the amount of asks id get telling me to make a masterlist 😭 idk why i didn’t just make one from the start LOL but thank u for being patient with me also wdym u turned on my notifs and would wait for me to post this is so … pls don’t make me cry rn . thank u so much for sticking around and im so relieved and honored u enjoy my fics bc i was soooo worried when i started writing them but im so happy i did bc i loveeee writing for enha :,) and thank u for being proud of me 🥹🥹🥹 UR SO SWEET I CSNT TAKE IT ANYMOREEEE

and yes i am from america 🦅 that whole tiktok situation pissed me of soooo bad. i had saved my fave edits before the ban happened but the ban didn’t even last a full day so like 😭 IMO it felt like a stunt just to make us like trump and i’m not falling for it lol. but i would’ve been mad as hell if tiktok was gone fr but who knows maybe i’d be more productive without it bc it did take up most of my screen time LOL

and my intromortal!! my wife we speak everyday, here is a message from her! you can find her on @yangkkomi now !!

i hope you have a lovely day and i’m glad you’re looking forward to tethered pt 3 🩷🩷 thank u so much for the kind message <3

ps. i love u so much do u know that. did u know that compliments abt my humor go straight to my heart. did u know ur tugging on my heartstrings. ily.

[damonjuicyscock]

Playlist- Chapter 14: Shattered dreams (90s Noel Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90s Noel Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: Fluff, pregnancy, a sad word starting with M and ending with age, language, a few spelling mistakes, maybe.

Words: 2805

Summary: Y/N is pregnant with Noel's baby. We follow her through her pregnancy journey that has its up and downs.

A/N: Heya Y'all ! Here's chapter 14, I hope you'll like it, as per usual. It's a chapter I found important (but very emotional), and the next one will be as well. You know I like to include societal subjects in my story, at first to sensibilize and also give a bit of action in the story. Some of you may even have gone through it and I hope it won't trigger you, that's not my goal. My goal is to provide visibility to subjects like this one, because it isn't taken seriously (at least not enough) and to entertain you.

Next part next weekend !

Love y'all, take care of yourselves !

Enjoy !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And now you've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart”

August 11th 1996- Knebworth:

I’m pregnant Noel.

I saw his face light up, and the biggest smile I’ve ever seen appear on his face.

Ye’re not joking right? Please, tell me ye’re not joking. He said, taking my hands in his

No I’m not. Should I understand you’re happy about these news? I answered, stunned

I’m the happiest man in the world! I’m so mad fer it, I’m going to be a dad!

He took me in his arms, holding me tight, and everything around us disappeared. I smiled, now relieved.

Before going on stage, Noel kissed me passionately and nailed it even more than usual. I hoped he wouldn’t say anything to anyone yet. But there’s someone to whom I couldn’t hide my condition. Because deep down, she already knew.

Seeing him sile so much and him being so happy, I bet you told him? Patsy asked

Told him what? I answered

About the baby growing in your stomach.

I smiled to myself.

Yeah, I told him. And he’s so goddamn happy about it. And so am I.

And I’m happy for you two! She said, taking me in her arms

I held her back, emotion starting to take over.

You’re going to be an auntie Patsy! I said, on the verge of tears, not believing my own words

*

August 12th 1996- Knebworth:

It was time for the afterparty, and I felt fit enough to attend, with Noel and a lot of people.

Please Noely, don’t tell anyone yet. I want to keep it for ourselves just a bit, okay? Except Liam. I’m going to tell him. I said

Why tell Liam and not the others?

Firstly, because he’s your brother, secondly because he’s my future brother-in-law and he’s also like my little brother and thirdly, Patsy already knows.

Wot? How does Patsy know?

Who do you think convinced me to take a pregnancy test?

Patsy.

Well done Columbo. Because she knows what it is to be pregnant. So, according to my symptoms, she knew why I was sick.

Noel nodded. I hadn’t smoked for an entire day, and I really needed a cigarette He saw me take my pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and took it from me.

Hey! I exclaimed

No smoking. He said, sternly

I just can’t quit like that; it’s going to play on my nerves. Let me have a cigarette per day for a week, so I can get used to it. Please Noel, and I’ll stop.

He hesitated for a second and sighed.

Deal. One per day, not more. And I keep yer pack with me in case ye’d decide to smoke more. I’ll give ye yer cigarette of the day.

Okay chief. I said doing a military salute

Oh no, not ye too calling me that!

*

Later in the night, when everyone went to bed, I finally had my moment alone with my fiancé, in his arms.

Did you suspect I could be pregnant? I asked

Not a minute. I really thought you had the flu.

And so… how long has it been that you wanted to have a baby with me?

Since November 22nd 1983.

Ew, gross.

Why ew? He said, chuckling

We were literally 16 years old Noely!

I know! I mean… when we were 16, I was like not now but one day yes, I wanted to wait fer this because having a kid at 16 was out of the question, but I knew on this day that I wanted ye to be the mother to me children.

That’s cute. I’m soz I can’t say the same thing because I never really asked myself if I wanted to have children in general before yesterday.

And that’s okay. But if ye thought ‘bout it…

Yes Noely. I would want it to be you. And you’re going to be such a good dad.

At least I’ll do me best. I know what’s running in this little head of yers.

Oh yeah? What then?

Ye’re hesitating to ask me if I’m scared to be like me old man because I had a shitty father. And I’ll answer that I’m scared to become a father, like every parent would be, but I’m also mad fer it. And I’m not scared to be like him, because I’m not him and I’m not like him. And I’ll never be.

Well well… You know me by heart Noely.

Yea, I do.

*

At around 8 am, I woke up and felt really nauseous. I told myself I should get up and get some fresh air. So, I went outside.

I tried to breath to prevent me from vomiting but ended up throwing up anyway. I felt someone grab my hair and hold them for me. I thought it was Noel. But it wasn’t.

Still sick I see. A male voice said

Yeah, unfortunately. And it might last a bit.

What d’ye mean?

I finished throwing up first.

Sit down, we’re going to have a chat. And thank you for holding my hair by the way Li’.

Anytime.

We walked a bit and sat down under a tree, in the grass. I could see in Liam’s look that he was impatient to know.

So… what I mean is that something that wasn’t planned, at least not yet, happened. You’re going to be an uncle, Li’.

He smiled.

Really?

Yeah.

That’s so fucking cool! Oh, thank ye Y/N, I’m so happy ye’re the one our kid decided to fuck with!

I laughed.

Then thank him too!

Oh, I will, me. How long has it been?

I don’t know yet, I’ll be seeing a doctor once we’ll be back in London.

Good. I can’t wait fer this little one to show up so I can teach…

No Li’, not so soon. I laughed

Oh, ye’re not funny! He answered, rolling his eyes

*

August 23rd 1996- London:

We were back in London for a few days and for a gig that would take place on this night. And the only appointment I had was on this day. Noel wanted to come with me, but couldn’t miss soundcheck, and this for three reasons. Firstly, because he wanted this gig to be perfect. He always wanted to, and he could have missed an hour of it for other gigs, which leads us to reason number two: This gig would be the MTV unplugged one, meaning it would be recorded and the band worked really hard for this. Reason number three…. Liam let them down on this most important day. I had to separate the brothers who almost fought (again). Liam said he was “sick” and Noel didn’t believe it, and thought he was just hangovered, and though he didn’t mind it, he would have to do the job himself, meaning he couldn’t come with me to the appointment, and hated the fact Liam was lying and unpredictable. He wasn’t doing his job properly.

So here I was… but not alone, because Patsy didn’t want me to be alone during this important moment.

Not too stressed I hope? She asked, while we were in the waiting room

Just a bit. Not because I don’t like going to the doctor’s, I got used to it with years, but because I hope I’m not too far along, knowing I kept smoking and drinking.

You couldn’t have known. You were having your period and all that stuff…

Yes, but nausea and other symptoms should have alerted me. And yet, since I know it, my stomach just grew up and man, I look really fucking pregnant now.

She put her hand on mine.

It’s gonna be okay, I understand how you feel. I didn’t go through the same thing, but I’ve been pregnant, and I know how it feels. You’re still in shock and that’s perfectly normal. But don’t be scared. Everything will be fine.

A silence settled in. I had to get rid of a heavy load.

I’ve already been pregnant before Patsy.

She was shocked.

Really?

Yeah, a few years ago. It’s when Noel and I were separated. I was with a guy called Kenneth. He was beating me and a lot of other stuff.

Like…

Yeah, the sadly famous R word.

Oh, I’m sorry…

Don’t be. I’m fine now. I’m more than that. I’m the happiest bird in the world. I was a lot younger when it happened and not ready. Noel came back and not so long after, I was pregnant, and this baby was conceived during hard moments. Kenneth didn’t like Noel at all, he thought we were a bit too close for his taste. He was paranoid, thinking I was cheating on him, and he was taking advantage of it to take advantage of me and my body. When I told him I was expecting and that I wanted to keep the baby, he pushed me in the stairs and there was no baby anymore.

Oh my God…

And what I’m going to say is absolutely horrible to hear, but I felt sad and at the same time… relief. This child wasn’t meant to be. What could have had happened to his future with a father like Kenneth? Would he have beaten this child too? No, he was killed first. But… it was better this way. It’s as if for once… he’d protected someone from himself and especially with what happened afterwards… I know what I’m saying is absolutely horrifying but…

No. No, it isn’t. What is horrifying is what happened to you. Did you even, have time to mourn this baby?

Not at first. I had to be miss perfect, so I was like high functioning. But when Noel rescued me and the aftermath… I think that’s when I did it. A part of the depression mourned this baby. This is the biggest secret I’ve kept to myself and myself only. No one knows. Not even Noel.

And it’ll follow me to the grave.  I’m so sorry and horrified you had to go through this. Noel is right when he calls you his warrior. Because this is what you are.

So yes, I lied to Noel. To protect him. I knew if I told him that he’ll run to the airport and take the first plane to Manchester to kill Kenneth. I thought about having kids before. But I stopped thinking about it since that particular day. And now, the baby I was bearing was all I wanted.

*

Hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time… What a fucking moving moment. I was in tears.

How… How far along am I? I asked

By the size of your baby, I’d say between 4 and 5 months. Let’s say something like 4 months and 3 weeks. And it seems like you’re having a healthy baby boy, I can already see it. Congratulations!

I was happy. All I needed to hear was said. The word healthy was ringing in my head.

I-Is it possible to print a screen shot? For me and the dad? Please?

Of course. The doctor answered, smiling

And once I had it between my hands, I couldn’t let go of it. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Examining and re-examining the little silhouette of the being that was growing in my stomach. To the point, Patsy was forced to tell me we arrived at the Royal Festival Hall. In the car, everything I was thinking about was “And now? how will he look? What name will we choose for this little one?”

I entered the building alone, as the cab left with Patsy who would be coming back to Liam. The guys were in the middle of rehearsals. The minute Noel saw me, he stopped playing and put his acoustic guitar aside before jumping off the stage and running towards me.

Tell me everything. He said, taking my hands in his

I handed him the ultrasound’s screenshot, and he took it.

I’m 4 months and 3 weeks pregnant. And…

And?

And we’re having a baby boy.

Noel jumped in joy and held me in his arms.

Guys, I’m going to be a dad and it’s a boy! He shouted

The boys cheered, happy for us. I looked at Noel, surprised.

Noel…

Soz, I couldn’t help it. And anyway, everyone can see you’re pregnant now!

*

Jacob!

No.

Romeo!

Out of question.

Milton?

Oh come on, don’t grandpa him yet!

Martin.

Ye can do better.

Owen.

Too American fer me.

Oh come on Noel, we have to decide! I said

Ye’re only 5 months pregnant! We’ve got time fer this!

Actually it’s 4 months and 3 weeks and the baby will be born tomorrow if we let time go by.

Nevermind.

Hey no! My baby’s name won’t go with a simple and jaded nevermind!

Alright, alright. Can I propose one?

I’m all ears.

Frederick. Like imagine, we could call him Freddie Gallagher. A rockstar’s name fer a rockstar’s son.

Noely, I love you and I love Freddie Mercury but no.

Or Simon, what d’ye think about Simon?

Cute but it sounds a bit too much like Simon Lebon. But as a second name, why not? What about Andrew?

Andrew Simon Gallagher… Andy Gallagher… Yea. Yea, actually I like it. It sounds good. Deal.

See? A nevermind can quickly become an Andy.

Oh, shut yer cake ole.

*

Sometimes, it feels like happiness comes with a price. And everything you were happy about and everything you had planned ends up in a shattered dream. I knew something was wrong when it was going too well.

October 12th 1996- London:

Terrible cramps woke me up. It hurt. I hadn’t felt the baby move for a few hours now. I thought he fell asleep after giving a long series of kicks. I sat on the edge of the bed. I put my hand on my belly. I knew. I felt something was wrong deep inside. Then I felt something humid between my legs. I turned the light on. I was bleeding. It wasn’t a pool, but enough to make me panic.

Noel! Noel fucking wake up I’m bleeding! I yelled

Noel woke up, startling and saw. The man never had his driver license, so he was forced to call 999, and an ambulance took us to the hospital.

I was panicking. But not for my life. And I was right to do so. The doctors made some exams, including ultrasound. This is when the biggest heartbreak of my entire life happened. I previously told you that hearing your baby’s heartbeat is really moving. Then Heartbeat turns to heartbreak. But before turning to heartbreak, it turns to fucking heartache. My baby had been suffering. He had been kicking non-stop to alert me something was wrong. And I didn’t get it. His little heart had stopped beating and It was my entire fault.

But one of the hardest things was that I had to wait. I had to wait for my fucking cervix to dilate, not to give birth but to literally expel my own son from my womb.

Noel was by my side. I didn’t want him to see this, but he didn’t want me to be alone during this hard ordeal. And then we saw why after the “delivery”. One fucking reason. But an evident one. A knot. A knot in the umbilical cord. My son died of hypoxia. This is very rare event, as not all knots are dangerous. But this one…

And it was as if my body detected our little one’s death and started to try to expel him, but he was already too big to pass.

Apart from that tragical event, he was perfect. He had no deformities. And even if he had, I would still have loved him the same.

I was devastated, and so was Noel.

I insisted to hold Andy in my arms for a few minutes, to say goodbye. Noel and I cried, for a long time. We both kissed his little head. A shattered dream and two broken hearts.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - just RELAX BL, you're stressing me out

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - Boyfriends are cute boyfriends. Reconciliation with daddy and then major brother drama. How exciting. Gah but that closing scene, these two are such great actors! 

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 8 fin - A perfectly serviceable final episode. I did love the red Chinese-style wedding to go with the “hia.” Also, just a little Thai 'poke poke poke' at China. 

Final thoughts?

This is a nice addendum to Cutie Pie, but it’s relatively incomprehensible even if you’ve watched that previous installment. I can’t imagine it will make any sense at all if you haven’t. Frankly, the most impressive thing about this show was the makeup team. MaxNat give excellent chemistry, all the high heat is well done, and the friendships are adorable, even if the story is nonsensical. It’s fine, I’m relieved it was only 8 eps. I enjoyed it for the pair but I will probably never rewatch. A weak 8/10

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 9 of 24 -Heartbroken (drunk) gay boy meets (fights) sister’s new chef. I love the femme bestie. Adorbs. This one seems pretty good actually. I like all the shots of Bangkok’s actual traffic. POV is a bit of a sad sack tho. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - There is something clever about this narrative in the way that they are each each other’s first and second loves, but also age gap kinda creepy (Thailand maybe leave this one for Japan?)

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 8 of 10 eps - So much whiny gay drama babies. However, it also manages to be painfully slow, through the simple act of having 90% of the show be boys sitting around staring at their phones. Then it suddenly got way higher heat than I expected. Honestly, this could’ve ended at 8 sps. I don’t see how extending the show is going to improve it in any way.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 (not a BL but I'm watching it anyway) - I don’t have faith in any couple. One of my favorite things about this show is watching how many boys Mark can kiss. I know everyone is focusing on Neo, but seriously baby boy got game. Meanwhile Boston’s dick must be made of self-lubing steal pipe; I remain entirely uninterested is TopMew; Mew’s fam demonstrate why a gay boy should never take advice from straight women; and the slut-shaming agenda continues. NO SINGING. No character in this show is happy when Boeing turns up, but the rest of us trash-loving muckrakers are thrilled.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - Oh it is so cute and so sweet and so aching. I really did not want the confession to happen, even though I knew it had to. There is an element of torture to this one that only Japan can execute with such precise softness.

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 7 of 10 - I remain charmed. But while the me of 2018 would have thought this one of the best BLs ever, the me of now is finding it a bit dated and nostalgic.

Bon Appetit (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Romance between an office worker and the man from his past next door who cooks well. It was a very sweet and cute tale of food as love in the All the Liquors family of KBL. I’m not wild about it, I did enjoy it, I was happy to have it show up on my dash, but ultimately it will simply become one of the KBL crowd. 8/10 

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 10 of 13(?) - another one where they are separated for most of the show. Although the sides are giving win. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 1-2 of 8 - from Idol Romance staring OnlyOneOf's Nine & Mill, this released as a movie in July in SK but is now being recut/reissued as a series. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity plagued by scandal. After that OmegaX Shoulder bullshizz business I am very wary of this show, but this pair is already better cast.

Out of the mouths of OnlyOneOf (!!!) babes...

As to the show? I don’t know. I mean I love the idea, am nervous about Korea (with that bubble) doing a meta critique of the BL industry, with K-pop idols, using an existing group. It just seems like there’s a lot of mines in this small field, and it could go horribly horribly wrong. I am enjoying it, but also anxious the whole time I’m watching it for culture/market reasons. That said, I did pretty much ask for this exact show. So I can't complain, now can I?  

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 5 of ? - I honestly don’t entirely understand what is going on. But it all seems to be the Psychotic Pretty Kitty’s fault. Oo caught in the act of drug-induced cheating - DRAMA. Dung should cut his losses and leave - cute doctor husband or not. Lovely kiss from the sides. I gotta say, this cast is hella pretty. I’m not mad that this team is kind of turning into GMMTV Vietnam.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch 8-12 and do a series review when I get back in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed, my final thoughts in Nov.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - Yukinori, a convenience store clerk was accidentally stabbed by a thug and nearly died. He returns home to find an angel waiting for him. The drama is an adaptation based on Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like). With only five episodes and a good chance this won’t end happily, I am going to wait and let you tell me how it goes. Binge it when it is complete if it's safe.

In Case You Missed It

GMMTV posted their initial 2024 line up, here's my round up of the BLs. It includes 2 JBL adaptations, 2 KBL adaptations (that they aren't admitting to) and vampires. If you want to know how I did on the predictions that's here and the answer is: very badly indeed.

I am watching the Y Journey: Stay Like a Local series. But they are essentially tourist board long-form advertisements. I enjoy the promo aspect with regards to the food. And seeing some of my favorite pairs do interesting other things is kinda fun. But the whole thing feels disingenuous when gay marriage is still not legal and it’s essentially the Thai government (making these ads) who is stopping that from happening. I have a similar feeling to iQIYI as a content provider. It’s not queerbaiting in the original sense of the term, but it’s pretty gross to use gay for advertising with a nationalistic propaganda agenda, when being gay is still not legal in your country. Yes I struggle to reconcile myself with this on the regular, and it’s an ongoing hypocritical struggle for my tiny withered tired old heart.

All that said, this week's installment, He’s Not Happy, did make me want to rewatch Make a Wish. There’s no kissing in this series but JudoFluke kiss beautifully, so If you haven’t seen Make a Wish, it’s very good and I recommend tracking it down.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/26 My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thai iQIYI) 8 eps - nerd retreats from the world into an online game and makes friends with a little group, they meat in real life, one of them is hot, they fall in love, hottie turns out to be a gangster. Trailer

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We stan consent and talking about sex during sex. Thank you Venus in the Sky.

I guess Ray's getting his 3some? Only Friends

Dangerous Romance hitting up some old school tropes.

Naughty Babe giving us our beloved domesticity and tiny gay families. @heretherebedork you happy?

(Last week)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi cas, it’s grieving anon. Here for the vibes today. TAYLOR SWIFT… I mean… 

So, ive had a few weird things happen. I got distracted and fell over, and injured myself so yay… and then I had the weirdest thing happen.

So I mentioned I got nightmares right? That I woke my mum up by shouting and sitting up in my sleep. So I have a bunk bed (small room- needed space for a desk). And a few days ago I had this creepy dream and legit propelled myself out of bed- still half asleep and panicking. Then had to climb back in. 

And last night I literally crawled from lying down to the other end of my bed and climbed over the bars and fell OVER and OFF my bed to the floor 😭

You know the length of like, a normal door? It was like that far that I fell. I woke up both my parents. 

IM 16! I shouldn’t be flying out of bed. Luckily i’m not too hurt tho. I remember the dream, I was just climbing over a fence, I couldn’t feel the floor but I knew it was there so I let go, and then I WOKE UP ON MY FUCKIGN FLOOR. 

Like whyyyyy.

Anyway. So Long, London. My first favourite. “HOW MUCH SAD DID YOU, think I had, did you, think I had in me, HOW MUCH TRAGEDY?”

Then, of course, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. AMAZING. Yes.

And, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? 

So far, they’re my fav but i’m sure the others will claw their way into my heart too. 

Anyway, my sisters been annoying me. She seems annoyingly fine. She called all the injury’s i’ve been getting “pre-exam” injuries… NO! They’re post fucking death injuries. 

I know her, I know she’s suffering in silence. But it means whenever I see her, she seems fine. And it’s fucking annoying. 

I don’t know anymore. My mum, she said her nightmares went away after my Nans death when she went to a grief therapist or something. i’ve never gone to a therapist. I don’t know how it’d feel. And, I don’t really have the time. 

But I don’t want to wake up on my floor again. 

I feel like I blinked and my life became this mess I can’t control. And I have no energy to anymore. I lost all my fire. I used to strive to learn and care and participate. Now i’d happily rot away. Why bother. 

Anyway (that’s like the third time i’ve said that now 🤦‍♀️) “IM JUST GETTING COLOUR BACK INTO MY FACE IM JUST MAD AS HELL CAUSE I LOVED THIS PLACE” 

Writing these at the end of some of my days has been very stress relieving so thank you. I’ve bullied myself into not picking the scab on the horrid massive cut I got from falling over. I’ve refrained from pressing into the bruises I got from sleep falling/climbing off my stupid bed. 

“IS IT A WONDER I BROKE. LETS HEAR ONE MORE JOKE”

 This isn’t even my usual music vibe 😭

“DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS, WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH” Iconic. 

“YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LAST AN HOUR IN THE ASYLUM WHERE THEY RAISED ME”

Literally everything i’ve tried to do this week has failed. School work, running, sleeping.

I’m so tired. 

Hi hon! I'm so glad to hear from you! <3

Nightmares after a loss are SUPER common, and you're right to know that they don't have to do with exams. As far as therapy, I know you said you don't have time, and I used to say the same thing but then I got to thinking...

I wasted SO much time being sad, run down, anxious, depressed. Like I probably spent at least an hour a day in anxiety paralysis, you know? So devoting an hour a week to STOPPING those symptoms actually saves me time, in the long run.

It may not feel the same for you, but it's something to think about! <3

I'm so glad you like TTPD. Using music to cope is also super helpful. Screaming lyrics is so...emotionally rejuvinating.

Keep messaging me <3 I'm thinking of you!