#I’m so glad I didn’t actually start reading Gotham war because hearing about it is bad enough

[hidinginmyhands]

The thing about all this new stuff I’ve heard about Bruce doing to Jason in Gotham War is. Honestly? He’s never going to face any actual consequences for it. I mean, come on, he never has before. It’s basically been proven that Bruce can do whatever he wants to Jason (and his other kids, but the worst always seems to be done to Jason) and in the end nothing really happens to him. Yeah, this time some of the other Batkids are going at Bruce for what he’s done, but ten bucks says it’s completely forgotten about and never mentioned again, even by Jason, before the run is over. It’s happened before—the batarang in UtRH, the severe beating in RHatO… Bruce never faced a single consequence. And I find it hard to believe he will now.

I’m just… tired.

[forestlingincorporated]

Teen Titans #29

So, one of my favorite types of fics to read is Different First Meeting fics between Jason and Tim. I looooove reading Enemies To Caretaker, of which I fed handsomely on fairly recently. Big Brother Jason fics give me warm fuzzies, and Tim Drake needs a hug, and I feel like if these two actually got to know each other and worked past their preconceptions, they’d get along surprisingly well. And Still A Jason!Robin Fanboy Tim Drake is just a fun concept. 

Also, it just FEELS right for the middle siblings to band together after Damian comes along, lets get those abandonment issues in the party. 

So, for mysterious and very secret TimKon Week 2021 reasons, I was rereading some Teen Titans, and I stumbled over the Original Tim+Jason First Meeting, and I just sort of wanted to talk about some interesting things I found in there rereading it after several years. 

First thing right off the bat, when reading fics, normally it’s either the Core Four at the tower that Jason puts to sleep, or it’s Tim alone for the night. In the comic, none of Tim’s close friends are even at the tower, Jason waits for Bart and Cassie to leave, and Conner actually hasn’t come around for an in-universe month, because this is after the Superboy’s Birthright arc where Lex mind controls Conner. 

The people Jason knocks out were his own teammates when he was a Titan. He specifically says he never got to work with Beast Boy or Cyborg directly, so he doesn’t feel bad electrocuting them, but he feels bad putting Raven under much more gently because she used to worry for him. 

Tim has just gotten off the phone with Bruce when Jason shows up. It seems like Bruce might’ve been picking Tim up, but something’s come up with Martian Manhunter going missing, so Tim tells him he’ll catch a ride with Cyborg. 

This is actually really interesting to me, because it’s a small moment of Bruce letting Tim down. It’s a conversation he’s probably had with his biological father many times when Jack’s canceled on him. 

Gonna acknowledge this abomination real quick. This is So Stupid, and I’m glad as a fandom we just all agreed Jason didn’t do this. It makes me ask so many questions. Where did he get that oversized Robin costume? Why’d he tear off his perfectly good clothes? Why did he do this? Why the yellow tights? WHY? 

A lot of things are actually happening here that are actually Really Interesting if you just look past the stupid fucking outfit. Because this comic actually flew really close to greatness, they just ended up dropping the ball by not continuing to do more with it. 

First off, Jason doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s immediately like “yeah, yeah, yeah, Red Hood, whatever, I’m Jason Todd, bitch! Fight me.” 

Secondly, Jason’s done his homework. He knows A LOT about Tim. He knows his name, he knows he has a dad, he knows he went to prep school, and he knows the story of how Tim became Robin. How he GOT that last bit of information, I’d honestly like to know. But even HAVING the information isn’t enough; he’s still letting his preconceived ideas get in the way. The surface level information about Tim’s life only served to fuel his jealousy and anger (thanks, Lazerus Pitt!). He’s so focused on Tim’s privilege that he’s looked past evidence of hardship; if he’s done this much research on Tim, he’s no doubt seen records of multiple boarding schools, lengthy travel records, news reports, a death certificate.... He can’t even bring himself to BELIEVE parts of Tim’s story that aren’t lining up with his world view, like HOW he became Robin. 

Jason has convinced himself that what he’s discovered about Tim and the period of time when Jason was dead - the fact that Bruce was spiraling after his death, that his family mourned him, that Tim had to step up to the plate at a weird suicide prevention buddy system - is all a lie. Despite the fact that he’s beating Tim’s ass, he speaks to him with the assumption that Tim’s a child who’s been manipulated and lied to. 

Meanwhile, it must be SO PAINFUL for Tim to hear Jason say these things: I bet he said the same thing to you he said to me, didn’t he? That you have the talent to make a difference in Gotham. That he needed someone he could trust in his war on crime. That you were one of a kind. The light in his darkness.

Bruce never said any of that to Tim. Bruce rejected Tim, he didn’t want Tim, and begrudgingly accepted Tim. 

Going back to Jason waiting for Tim’s other young teen friends to leave the tower before going in, only drugging his own former teammates, is much of his anger seems directed at THEM, not just Bruce. To Jason, it looks like they didn’t mourn him either, he has no statue. I find it interesting that he smashes Donna Troy’s statue, who died after him, and I believe she came back before he did. 

Unless he was keeping track of the news from the League of Assassins, to Jason, Donna never died. 

And most importantly? Tim shuts Jason down. Tim “Bitch, Please” Drake out here like: you’re a fucking idiot, he loved you to death, he barely let me audition for the role. 

Tim shows some deep resentment towards Jason in this scene. I mean... earned, Jason literally came into his house and starting hitting him, but Tim’s relationship towards the Idea Of Jason has gone through a few changes. At first Jason was ROBIN! THE BOY WONDER! And if maybe Tim thought Bruce wasn’t AS happy with Jason as he was with Dick, there was still SOME hero worship early on. But it only takes Bruce and Alfred and Dick using Jason’s death as a cautionary tale a few times to get Tim to see Jason AS a cautionary tale - the kind of Robin NOT to be. But the more Tim craved Bruce’s paternal attention and approval, and the more Bruce withheld it or made Tim work for it, knowing that Bruce did that, in part, because of his love and grief for his dead son (Tim having an actual living breathing father plays a part, too), and those feelings towards Jason have started to fester.

Jason can’t let it go, though, he thinks the concept of Robin was a mistake and had always been a mistake, and if he can hurt Tim, so can Scarecrow, Penguin, The Joker. 

This is a good time to bring up that one thing I think Jason probably doesn’t know is Tim is injured. It is a little over a month since since Conner shattered Tim’s right arm. Tim is still healing from a comminuted fracture in his forearm. And looking at this picture that is - ah, yes, that is the injured arm Jason is swinging Tim by. Tim is probably healed by now, the cast IS off and he’s a child, but bones don’t fully return to full strength for 3-6 months. 

Jason is conflicted. This is clearly, in part, a fucked up way of “protecting” what he sees as a manipulated child, to convince him to leave Bruce. But there’s also clearly some deep, deep jealousy thrown into the mix to complicate matters and cloud his judgement. Ultimately, Jason isn’t there to kill Tim. Tim would be dead if he was. He’s there to “beat some sense into him,” and he ultimately fails, and fails badly. 

Tim is found by the older Titans, awake by now, though it seems Jason knocked him out to, uh, fuck with the memorial chamber, and Tim... does not beat around the bush. No secret identities here just “yeah, Jason Todd beat the shit out of me.” 

And their reactions are HILARIOUS. 

One more little sidebar, in the comic, Jason gets in with a D.N.A. check that never removed him from its permissions. Usually in fic this is a unique pass code. I’m not sure which version I like better, honestly. There’s something about Jason physically inputting a code that accepts him even though he’s supposedly dead that I really like, and just feels better than a dna scan. A dna scan sounds SAFER, sure, but there’s something about the Titans leaving in an honest SECURITY RISK out of sentiment that I like. 

Lastly, I really like how it ends. Jason honestly thinks Tim IS a good Robin, and it seems like Jason’s done some research on the core four, mentioning Tim’s “real friends” again while the “camera” is on Conner and Cassie, suggesting that Jason KNOWS about them and possibly that targeting the tower while they were gone maybe wasn’t an accident or out of convenience, but fully intentional. And again, Jason’s real problem is highlighted: he feels alone, forgotten, unmemorable, no family, no friends. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. 

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[moonfox281]

Tentatodd Week 2019: Day1 - Brothers in Blood timeline

WARNING: Tentacles!

(Word count: 4,487) AO3

New York, in his mind, was a complete different adventure compared to Gotham. And Manhattan, the glorious part of this city, was at all shades an evil twin of Metropolis. Days spent by with Dick calculating the little bits of miss and matches between this city and Gotham, and sometimes, just sometimes, Bludhaven.

Dick came here to heal, and it was so far a colorful journey. Lots of things had happened, lots of subtle things that had kind of thrown him off his feet more than once lately. But all things considered, Dick thought he was doing fine. Not great, just fine.

That was, until he came back to his rooftop studio and found Jason lying on his couch, eating his chips, parking booted feet on his coffee table watching FRIENDS on the TV.

Dick wished he had remembered about the eggs before dropping his grocery bags down the floor, not until his ears caught the heartbreaking crack of them against the wood.

“Jason? What are you doing here?”

Jason smirked back at him. “I heard the eggs screaming, Dickie. Too happy to see me?”

“How did you get in?... You know what, never mind. What do you want?”

“Why do you always assume I want something? Makes me sound like a bad guy.”

“Because you always want something, Jason.” Dick steadied his feet. There he thought today was a perfect day.

“Now you’re being offensive. What did Al teach us in the past, huh? Manner‒”

“Maketh man.”

Dick launched towards him. Jason let out a rich laugh and flipped up the whole couch. Dick jumped over it, just in time to catch Jason’s arm swing at him.

There was once a time when they fought in sync, not the same style but they knew the moves like memorized notes of a duet. Their pieces fitted each other’s. Jason still threw his fists like a livid man despite having a cool head, the same restless way his Robin self had been, but now, his aim was right, his pace was abnormal, and damn was his strength magnificent.

Dick watched Jason caught his punch with his bare hand like he had been waiting for it, grunting when admitting that okay, maybe fighting a post Lazarus dipper with a freshly healed radius on the right might not be a good choice.

Jason slammed him down the floor in a heartbeat. Dick didn’t even get the time to process what just happened, just folded his leg by instinct and readied to kick Jason in the stomach. Jason caught on his ankle as if he had read his mind, lifting the limb up and over his shoulder.

“Give in Dickiebird.”

Dick grunted and curled the other leg around Jason’s neck, squeezing extra just to hear him huff out of breath.

“Give in, Jaybird.”

“That‒gargh… fucking body of yours!” Jason laughed again when Dick tightened his hold. “Wanna see a surprise?”

“Try me.”

Jason squeezed the ankle he held on Dick and pushed his right leg down beside his ear despite the other still clung around his neck. That, might be painful or even torturous for most people, but to Dick - who had lived under a roof of a circus and the raising hands of two acrobats - had learnt to pop some bones and bend to his limits since the day he started to walk.

“You have to try harder than that.”

“Oh this is just me getting ready.”

Dick felt something grab his heel and pull it off Jason’s neck. That something slowly curled around his ankle, his calf, running below his pants and sliding on his skin. Something strong, something long, slimy, something… urgh.

“Jason what the hell…”

“Do you like it?”

From Jason’s back, about a dozen branches breached out over his shoulder, tore through his jacket, reaching over 6 feet above and shadowing down Dick’s frozen body. No, not branches… they were… tentacles? Dark colored, arm sized tentacles.

Dick lost his breath, laying flat down the floor listening to his own heartbeat as the huge tentacles wiggle in the air.

“You like it? I still have them since our last encounter. You still remember that right?”

“That time when you dressed up as Nightwing and went around killing people under my name? Hard to get that out of my head.”

“They’re surprisingly useful, especially in situation like this.” Jason smirked and wiggled his brows.

A tentacle went down and slipped under Dick’s shirt. It was cold, slightly wet, and textured enough to make his skin felt sensitive. Dick yelped in surprise and shivered when the thing rubbed over his nipples.

“You like that?” Jason grinned.

“Unhand me, now!”

“Not until you promise to not try to strangle me.”

“Telhas Teeze!”

“My Arabic may be rusty, but it’s not rusty enough to not understand you just invited me to eat your ass. Dickie, you have no idea.”

“The idea I’m perfectly clear of right now is that if you don’t let go of me now, I’ll find a way to strangle you with your own arms, and you have fourteen of it.”

“Whatever you say, Dickiebird.”

Jason slowly got up, he let go of Dick’s arms but his tentacles still curled around his feet.

“Well, unleg me too.”

“Easy, will you? I know how fatal those legs can be.”

The tentacles were off him after Jason got a good distance between them. Dick sprang to his feet, patting over himself, feeling the slime leftover on his body with a shudder of disgust.

He recalled when Jason had got this power after being caged in the test pod. How he had swallowed up that original monster thing and spat him out.

“This is unnatural.”

Jason scoffed. “No shit.”

“This was supposed to wear off weeks ago. You can’t be still having it now. There’s something wrong, Jason.”

“Think I don’t know that? I’m the one who out of the shit grow 12 extra arms out of every part of my body. Though I might say, they don’t annoy me as much as they should.”

“Don’t tell me you actually like this.” Dick watched with hesitance as Jason turned and split his arms into two long tentacles.

“What if I do? You see how strong they are. I’ll tell you this, these bad boys can make a full English breakfast while I sit on a couch. Can’t see the cons now.”

“Don’t toy with reality Jason, one way or another it’s going to turn back and bite you in the ass.”

“I can see only one ass being bitten here and it’s not mine.”

Dick groaned. Ever since coming back, Jason had been saying weirdest things, like now his oversized body finally gave him the cheek to dance his tongue the way he couldn’t back in the days.

He turned to pick back up the grocery bags and headed to the kitchen. Eggs were ruined, the cake got smashed, everything was messy. Suddenly, he felt even angrier at Jason.

“Hope you’ve got a spot for dinner cause I’m staying over.”

Dick slammed his fist down the counter. “What do you want, Jason? Why are you even here?”

“Chill, dickhead. And here they say I’m the mean one.” Jason shrugged and flipped the couch back with one hand like its weight didn’t concern him much. “Just need some fresh air. Gotham is pretty crowded these days, need to get away from the city for a time.”

“You mean away from Bruce.”

Jason turned back looking at Dick. The smirk on his lips fell off.

“You’ve gotta pull B in every time we talk?”

They stared. Jason got a pretty mean look on him but Dick got a hell lot of need for an explanation right now, especially when just briefly two months ago, Jason still wore his Nightwing attire blazing guns down the heads he deemed unworthy.

They could do this all day. But anger was just a temporary drive, soon enough Dick found himself sighing and switching attention back to the bags.

“It’s not that I’m not glad to see you fine. It’s just… surprised me. And why me? Thought I don’t lie among your preference list.”

“Bludhaven is shit hole, man. I’d better stick my ass in your place than sleep in some cheap motel to find myself waking up naked in the morning.”

“Right.” Dick clicked his tongue. “Right, I bet you’d even let anyone come near enough to strip you.”

“Look, you’re gonna keep bitching about this or be a good owner and offer me tea?”   

Dick glared at him. To say his trust in Jason had hit rock bottom was an understatement. Jason was, in the end, Jason. Hard to not feel like he was being fooled half of the time, especially now with those slimy things growing out from his body.

God, he was once a good kid. Rude and hot headed but still, a good kid. Now he was as big as a bull, smoking cigarette and acting like a delinquent.

Dick jumped when Jason suddenly turned back and grinned at him.

“You’re been staring pretty long, dickie boy.”

Dick tried not to throw the kettle at his head.

Three days.

Three days so far, and Jason hadn’t left.  If anything, Dick expected him to gain some weight by the amount of spare time he laid around eating chips, watching Netflix and doing absolutely nothing.

Dick watched him throw another mighty kick on the sandbag and clicked his tongue, realizing that nope, that wouldn’t be the case, not with Jason exercising like he was getting ready for an MMA match.

Strike. Dodge. Elbow. He fought like a machine.

Even though they didn’t stand eye to eye most of the time, Dick liked watching Jason. He liked the way the blows from his right arm tended to lend a little bit higher than the left. He liked the way Jason used his standing smartly, switching between legs consistently, making it hard to figure out which one was the weaker. His strikes were solid, separated but effective. Like a rap song played by a street performer, the moves were off track but together they made a great story.

Dick liked reading people. He liked reading movements. And to him, Jason molded himself into a historical novel, one of wars and emperors.

“You’ve been staring a lot.” Jason smirked. He wiped the sweat of his shoulder. “Care for a match?”

Dick pursed his lips. He really shouldn’t, but he was never that good at making decisions.

“One on one, like old times?”

Jason grinned. “Like old times.”

They moved before thinking. Dick enjoyed this.

They let their bodies do the talking. Dick even heard Jason snarled out a rich laugh. He liked Jason’s laugh when it was this honest, this innocent. Just like old times when they wrestled in the ring down the Cave where Bruce had gone off to work, only letting go when Alfred told them to.

Jason used to be the one whose back hit the ground first after five to eight minutes. He used to act grumpy about losing, frowning and acting offended when wriggling himself off. Now, Dick couldn’t say one on one with Jason was as easy as it used to be back then, not with Jason still goaled the spirit like there was a champion cup for each game. Dick really wasn’t that surprised when they dragged on to the 10th minute.

“Still a spider monkey, huh?”

“Still a barbarian, I see.” Dick huffed. He felt hot. It had been long since sparring felt this good. “Though you actually look like a barbarian now.”

“Compliment appreciated.”

Jason had him by the neck and lifted him up. Hell, Dick still wasn’t over how strong and fast he could be nowadays. It was like fighting a damn meta.

Dick curled his legs around his neck, bent his back, dragging Jason down with him.

“Give in.” He grinned, pulling Jason’s arm and set it to the most painful angle.

“F‒fuck!”

“Is that a yes or a no.”

Jason breathed through his mouth. “That’s a fuck.” He groaned, panted, punched the floor. Dick admired his effort when trying to lift both of them up. “When‒garh. When I imagine…having my head between your legs‒ugh‒it’s a lot different than this.”

Dick squeezed his legs tighter.  

“You’ve got guts.”

“No,” Jason panted. “I’ve got tentacles.”

Before Dick could react, he was ripped off Jason, sent to the air, and slammed down the floor. Tentacles wrapped around his legs, his hands, pinning him down. Jason rolled over, coughed a few times and rubbed his neck.

“You work me the hell up.”

Dick snarled. “This is playing dirty.”

“But dirty is my style, Dickie. I’m an Alley boy, remember? You can’t stand on the street by playing fair and square.”

“You just want to use your tentacles.”

Jason pursed his lips and shrugged. “If you see them as uncool, you seriously need to fucking unwind.”

Okay, Dick took that a little offended. Just when he started to think Jason had actually manned up pretty cool beside from being a little haywire by the whole dead then alive again thing. But he hit the right spot, maybe Dick did need to unwind. The city still treated Nightwing as a stick up its ass after the whole fake Nightwing Jason pulled, and he had been alone. Emphasize on alone. Injuries, cases, crime, too many things to deal with than his love life. Especially after Cheyenne too, it felt like too soon, but again, like an old memory.

“Looking at your face, guess I’m right. What happened to the red head?”

“Red head who?” Dick tried, feeling not so amused now.

“The not Barbara not Tamarian red head. Geez, Grayson, you sure have a fetish.”

Dick tried to kick Jason but the tentacle only held him tighter.

“I can feel that, they’re a part of me you know.” Jason suddenly smirked down on him. “Hey, want me to help ya?”

“Help what?”

Jason’s brows wiggled. Dick’s mind sparked.

“Jason, no. I’m not gonna let you hook me up with someone.”

“Who said anything about hooking you up with someone.”

Dick could see he wasn’t going to be thrilled by the end of this. He pushed at Jason with his shoulder and intended to tell him to knock it off when he felt his tentacles slip under the sleeves of his sweats and reach toward his thighs.

Dick hissed. “Jason, control your tentacles!”

“Hum, dunno about that, Dickie. They kinda have their own minds.”

“You just fucking said they’re a part of you.”

“Oh, did I?”

“Jason!” Dick snapped his jaw when the limbs were running around the sensitive skin. “I swear if you move one more inch‒”

Dick hitched. Jason’s tentacles wrapped around his underwear, nudging at his balls.

“You like that?” Jason grinned. His thumbs drew little circles on Dick’s wrists. “Breath, Dickiebird. I’ve got you.”

“Breath my ass! Can’t you se‒mph mmh!”

Jason only grinned wider when his tentacle thrust down Dick’s throat and made him swallow back his insult.

Dick felt heat building up on his lower half, felt his legs getting numb by being pulled up, felt Jason’s fierce grip around his wrist.

“You’re so tensed, maybe that’s why you’re such an asshole to me. You just need a nice rub, don’t you?”

Dick glared fire at Jason, wishing he could drill through his thick skull of much he wasn’t enjoying this. But Jason’s tentacles did their things, and Dick’s yelp around the slimy limb between his lips with toes curled and back arched.

“You like me squeezing you like this?”

Dick groaned when the tentacles squeezed again.

“That’s it.” Jason laughed.  Sweat rolled on his forehead, droplets Dick hadn’t notice before when he was training.

Dick squeezed his eyes shut when the tentacles moved up and down his cock. He felt them toy with his…everything. His dick, his balls, his skin, his nipples. They were touching, sucking, branding their hunger on every inch of Dick’s body.

Like drowning in fire, suddenly everything felt too hot. Dick’s vision either blurred out or turned black and white. His skin prickled at every movement made. His throat was stretched and had turned raspy with the huge thing nesting in.

He wanted to kill Jason. He wanted to throw him off a bridge. He wanted to rip the tentacles out of his body alive. He wanted… more.

When Dick moaned, he knew he was being stupid for wanting more. Yet, he wanted the arms around his member to move faster, wanted the one circling around his hole to do something already, and wanted the ones on his nipples to keep sucking.

Jason let out a rich laugh and kissed his nose. “You look fucking amazing.”

He laid his head down Dick’s shoulder, sniffing the end of his hair and the area behind his ear. If Dick wasn’t busy being breathless with a particular thin arm toyed with his urethra, he might actually think Jason had sounded just as blown as he was right now. It couldn’t be, not when Dick was the one being done.

Once Jason got back up, Dick thought it must have been the light that turned his face a little redder than normal.

Nonchalantly, he whisked off all of Dick’s clothes at once with his extra arms, tugging his shirt up to wipe the sweat down his chin.

“Wanna come?”   

The limb thrust into Dick’s hole. Dick choked on the one on his mouth. His stomach clenched. Like one explosion, everything burst.

“Look like you did already.” Jason laughed. He laughed again when looking down at Dick. “Fuck, you did already.” He mumbled.

The tentacle finally left Dick’s mouth, sliding out between his lips with a sinful wet sound. Dick found himself breath through his mouth again, feeling the air cooling his windpipe and sore throat.

This didn’t just happen. It couldn’t just happen.

Jason didn’t give him time though, he start moving his tentacles again. The one inside Dick start moving in all the oddest way, twisting and thrusting and dragging weird noises out of Dick. It wasn’t that big at the beginning, but the deeper it got, the more it swelled up until it sized like a wrist. And deep, so deep it went, reaching all the way in until Dick felt it knock against his stomach, just by his belly button.

The natural slime coated around the thing acted as a perfect lube because it slipped right in and out like a damn lubed sex toy, fasting the already brutal pace the tentacle delivered inside of him.  

Dick felt like flaming up, like he could be burning from inside out. He heard himself making sounds, sounds he could never imagine himself making.  

“Ja…Jason‒ah!”

“Hell, why can’t you just call my name like this all the time?”

Dick’s voice hitched again. All his joints sparked up and bent, feeling the electric shock when the tentacle dragged out and thrust back straight at his prostate.

His back arched off the floor, neck bent and hands fisted. It felt so good Dick felt like blacking out anytime.

“Hey.” Jason suddenly hushed. “Hey hey, don’t hurt yourself like that.” He let go of Dick’s wrists all at once and started peeling off his balls of fingers. Dick must have fisted so hard he skinned himself.

“Look at me.”

Dick bit his lips and swallowed back a moan when another tentacle circled around his rim and nudged in.

“Dick, if you want this, look at me.” Jason’s voice, so close and warm, blew right down to Dick’s ears. “If you don’t want this…”

Dick snapped his head right back at Jason, staring at his wide blown eyes and only regretting when Jason’s barked out a breathy laugh.

Dick must be stupid, or too lonely for this. Yes, he could only be, because god, Jason felt so good. He felt himself pulsing and twitching around Jason’s tentacles waiting for him to lean down and give him one mind-blowing kiss.

Jason’s tongue curled around his teeth, rolled over his gum, sucking and claiming dominance as if Dick’s inside was his long claimed territory.

While Jason was busy sucking his face, his tentacle made its move in. It felt big, bigger than the one currently inside Dick, big enough to have his eyes water and hands clawed marks on Jason’s back. Together they entwined and Dick felt stretched, so stretched.

He was practically limp and unresponsive when Jason moved away, but when the tentacles moved in and out, so rough and fast, they had Dick jumped and came back to life again.

It took too long for him to realized that it was his arms around Jason’s neck, and the voices filled the air was coming from him. The tentacles weren’t just moving inside him anymore, they were drilling. They spun and curled and abused Dick’s prostate, dragging in and out so fast they moved Dick’s whole body along.

Jason panted. He dropped his head low enough his hair tickled Dick’s face. Dick whined at another particular thrust and watched Jason frown while sweat glistered on his skin.

“Jay‒ ah! Are you‒mmnh… feeling this too?”

“Fuck yeah,” Jason huffed. “They’re me, remember?”

His stomach hurt. His guts twisted and denied the uninvited guests intruding. Dick panted staring at Jason’s eyes, palming his stomach and feeling him outside in.

Jason looked back like a cord in him had snapped. He suddenly bared his teeth, wrapped his arms around Dick and hoisted him up.

“Goddamn it, you always fucking stir me up!”

They got up with Dick’s legs curled around Jason’s waist, and his tentacles still up and moving in Dick’s ass.

Dick choked when each step Jason took, the tentacles moved extra hard inside him.

Jason moved them into the bedroom, and threw Dick down the mattress. Dick yelped and shook all over when the tentacles slipped out not in the gentlest way. He laid on his back, legs spread and hole aching, twitching like he had been electrocuted.

Jason pulled off his shirt, his pants, and threw them over his shoulder. He pulled his underwear down, and Dick couldn’t help but gulp.

That wasn’t a dick. That was a fucking monster. What the hell happened when Jason came back to life?

“Wait!” Dick panicked. “Jason, you can’t. That thing will destroy me.”

Jason frowned. “What do you mean destroy you. You literally took in two of mine. Now spread your legs.”

Dick couldn’t argue when Jason had already nestled in between his thighs. He rubbed his cock a few time, panting while the precome coated the skin and eyes on Dick’s twitching hole the whole time. Dick watched him too, swallowing because he honest to god didn’t know if Jason’s monstrous cock would kill him or not.

Jason dragged his legs around his waist, then dove in.

Dick thought he might have blacked out for a second. Jason let him wait though, because of course Dick would need a moment with the beast inside of him.

It hurt. It hurt so good. That was how terrible it was. It was so big Dick felt it in his breath. Dick unconsciously touched his stomach, felt the skin tighten and flex, felt Jason’s hard member throughout himself.

“Fuck, you feel so good, Dickie. Should have done this‒nghn‒ long ago.”

Dick screamed when Jason moved again. He screamed so loud Superman must have dropped his belonging somewhere in the world. Jason fucked like he was trying to kill Dick with his cock. Thrusting up then down, in and out, painfully hard and so brutally fast.

Dick couldn’t breathe. Saliva spilled out from the corner of his mouth and wet the sheet. All he heard was his heart pounding the same rhythm of Jason’s mercilessly pounding his ass. And all he felt was Jason’s huge cock splitting him open over and over again.

Dick came again, untouched and fucked out just like that. He came so much it hurt. And Jason was still going, long from even reaching the peak of his game.

Dick slacked against the bed, welcoming Jason’s kiss when he leaned down but that was it. He was so done, he was so done he was pretty sure he was gonna be sent to the other side by the huge cock of the Red Hood.

“Hey hey, don’t let me have all the fun.” Jason snapped his finger next to Dick’s hazy eye. “It’s supposed to be about you, remember?”

Dick moaned when he hit at a particular angle. But then he felt something. Something wrong.

“Jason?...Ah‒ Jay‒ aah…” Dick covered his stomach, shuddered while feeling Jason expand.

“Figure I’d have you back in the game like this. Wanna know something nice?” Jason grinned, pushing his palm down on Dick’s stomach only to hear him hick up and jump. “I can transform my cock too.”

He could. He fucking could.

It not only grew bigger. It grew longer. Dick twisted on the bed, kicking his legs while feeling the tip of Jason’s cock now grew so big it poked at his colon. His tongue poked out, his whole body shook and Dick could feel it. He could feel it.

“You just came again.” Jason laughed. “Fuck, there’s barely anything left.”

He started moving. By now Dick couldn’t even hear the sound of his own voice, his own pants and screaming. He could only focus on the thing tearing his ass open and entering his sigmoid colon. He felt Jason pushing up his stomach. He saw it, too.

Dick hugged his stomach, touching the little bulge while Jason threw Dick’s legs over his shoulder and speeded up.

“I’m gonna come in you now.”

Jason panted. His thrusts faltered. Dick couldn’t feel it. By now, he could just laid there and took it.

“I’m gonna come so deep in you, gonna stuff you full of me. So deep you’re gonna.Fucking.Taste.It.”

The resulting slaps from each grunting thrusts were probably even audible down the street. His cock went so far, too far into Dick, and then everything exploded.

Dick screamed out what was left of his lungs when he was filled to the brim, full of Jason’s cock and his seed, so much of it. It flowed in Dick, so deep, so much, burning every corner of his guts Dick felt like it could come up his throat any time.

When Jason pulled out, it wasn’t even a cock anymore. It was this long huge tentacle covered in semen, hanging limply between his thighs like a monster.

Dick stared at it, felt the gush out from his hole and the space left empty inside of him that fit Jason’s monster cock.

He took one last look at it, and passed out.

[aion-rsa]

How Batman Evolved During Tom King's Run

https://ift.tt/2Pxp0je

Bruce Wayne's adoptive father is the key to Tom King's conclusion to his run on Batman.

facebook

twitter

tumblr

This Batman article contains spoilers. 

Tom King did the impossible. In a comics industry founded on the bedrock principle that only the appearance of growth should ever be shown, he’s told a massive, three-year, 85-issue story that has Bruce Wayne actually develop as a character.

With Alfred’s death earlier in the final story arc, "City of Bane," many would have expected Bruce to shun his supporting cast and dedicate himself to revenge, leaving Gotham littered with shattered criminals as he pushed his grief through his fists and his enemies’ faces. But that’s not what happened. 

We got a chance to talk with King about character growth, how his epic tale developed, and what’s next for Batman, Catwoman, and King himself in the DCU. 

Den of Geek: You talk about Vision, Omega Men, and Sheriff of Babylon being a thematic trilogy, right?

Tom King: Yeah.

Can we look at Mister Miracle, Heroes in Crisis, and Batman the same way?

Oh yeah, 100% yeah. That's what I think of it. Yeah. I'm glad someone noticed.

It's about heroes managing trauma, right?

It is. I call it the Trauma Trilogy. That's just too easy, maybe. I feel like the first story about my war experience and [the main characters of each book] were all someone naively going into a situation and finding it much more complicated than they thought. And then these three were all about, I’ve said this publicly a billion times, about this nervous first-season-of-the-Sopranos breakdown I had in 2016 when I first started on Batman, and sort of how I recovered from that. And I sort of wrote it three different ways. Yeah, it's like some fancy dish, you know. The Trauma Trilogy.

Read More: How Batman Will Change in 2020

So the breakdown in 2016 happened after you had already started on Batman. How far is what ended up on the page drifted from what you initially conceived it to be?

I mean it's pretty close. There's some stuff that didn't quite pan out. Batman isn’t like a series like Mister Miracle or our upcoming Strange Adventures that we're doing. You have to write Batman with some degree of compromise because it's a much bigger platform and overlaps a lot of other books. You have a lot more eyes on it in terms of editorial control. And so yeah, it wasn't entirely a straight line, but considering it was 85 issues of DC's best-selling comic, I think it was a lot straighter than I thought it would be in terms of going from one spot to another.

It was always supposed to be about a love story and that was there from day one. I remember talking about that with my first editor, Mark Doyle...being like, “What is this book about?” And me literally just searching and searching until I found an old clip of the Batman ‘66 TV show. It was just like, “Oh man, I love this." The Catwoman, Batman dynamic.

And it hadn't been in the books in a long time. Not since, like, Judd Winnick, New 52 stuff. So that part about it, the fact that it was just one big love story. That was the same and Bane was supposed to be the main bad guy. But the stuff with Flashpoint, Batman evolved as we went along. I'd say that's the thing that's evolved the most.

We talked that second arc, I think, about Bane, Catwoman, and Batman being three sides of the same shitty coin. But now with Thomas included in there, it feels like it's kind of four points on a graph, labeling each axis. You've got like Batman who had privilege but lost everything at a young age. You have Thomas on the other end who had everything for most of his life and then lost everything. You've got Catwoman, who was born into nothing and kind of hangs on to everything but keeps it at arms length. And you've got Bane, who kind of grabs whatever he can and crushes it to death. As Thomas evolved into this, does that sound like what you were thinking at all?

Yeah, I do think they all represent this idea of who's top of the mountain in their own way. I guess you could say who does Gotham belong to? Bane sees Gotham as a prize that he has to win. Thomas sees Gotham as a burden. For Catwoman, Gotham is just who she is and she's sort of queen of that city. And then for Batman, it's ... I mean that's what the whole question is. What does he mean to Gotham? 

With Alfred's death, was it kind of a backdoor way of you taking a look at Bruce's origins? You know, using the death of a father figure to kind of shock him out of being Batman the way that he was shocked into being Batman?

Yeah, but it was also a way to show what the difference is between Bruce losing his parents when he was young and connected to them, and Bruce losing Alfred having been raised by Alfred. To me that was a tribute to sort of Alfred's parentage of Bruce for all these years and him guiding him through that trauma. Because you expect Batman in that moment to bury himself in anger and go insane and do all the things that drove him to be Batman in the first place. But instead of that, he hears Alfred's voice and he composes himself. To me it's sort of about the maturing of the character and maturing of it through the love of Alfred. I know I said this in the book, there are no good deaths. There's a nobility to death if you've treated your children right.

Read More: Batman and Catwoman Face Thomas Wayne in Final Tom King Issue

Well, I would quibble with that only because I think you could have killed Batman at any point in the last 85 issues and whatever was happening would have been a hell of a way to go. Right? Like he has a heart attack on a ferris wheel with Superman. That's a pretty okay way to do it. 

Wait I did kill Batman! I killed him in annual number two.

Oh yeah! Yeah.

I gave him my ideal death. He dies instead as an old man surrounded by his family.

And that's the good death.

That's a good one. That's as best as you can do with no other choices.

After 85, it feels like that's kind of the direction, right? Batman for so long has been that traumatized little boy, to the point where it's almost a parody, and many of your predecessors have done something interesting with that. But it always feels like the traumatized little boy has been the dominant perception of him, at least in my adult life. Is this your way of kind of trying to push him through it? 

The story of Batman is unending conflict. I'm sure whoever comes after me will embrace the Batman of their own and I bless him for doing it. I know James [Tynion IV, the writer taking over Batman with #86]’s stuff is going to be, from what I've seen, amazing. Batman's not a story that I have the power to end. I just kind of come in and take the reins for a while and then pass it onto someone else as brilliant as James and Tony [Daniel, the artist on the first arc].

But I can sort of, I don't know, tell my story. I don’t know, maybe I'm too old to write Batman. Frank was 29 when he wrote The Dark Knight Returns. I'm 41. But it seems like as you get older and you actually see your parents pass, you see your loved ones pass, you realize that everyone has to go through that trauma. Right? You sort of realize that it can become part of you and something you're proud of as well. The grief never leaves you. It never leaves Batman. It's a wonderful metaphor. But also there's a certain joy to that grief because it sort of unites you with your lost ones.

So hopefully, as you go on, you sort of mature into that. I hate to say that the greatest hero America's ever created, which is Batman, never got a chance to mature into it like the rest of us hopefully get to do. Yeah, I mean that's what that's about. He says, when I was a child, I did childish things and now it's time to grow up a little bit.

Read More: Why Tom King Is Leaving Batman

So the action sequences have been phenomenal through the whole thing. There have been some stellar fight sequences, especially Jorge [Fornes'] last ten issues. Every time he comes in it's incredible.

He’s ridiculous.

They've been phenomenal. When I think back on the run, what I think is going to jump out at me are going to be the quiet moments. The double date, 12 Angry Batmen, Bruce and Selina grabbing a beer and watching football at a bar. What do you think was about those quiet moments that let you make them sing?

I mean, the first thing is the art. All three of those things you mentioned, you've got Lee Weeks...there's not a lot of people who can draw a dynamic room with just 12 people talking. Clay Mann doing the double date. Just him elevating himself and becoming the best artist in comics while I was watching. And then Mikel [Janin]. I've been with Mikel for five years now since Grayson. He did the first Batman I did and he’s doing the last.

It's really hard. I mean, as dumb as it sounds, it's probably easier to draw a dynamic fight scene than a dynamic quiet scene. So those guys are doing the heavy lifting.

As far as the other stuff goes. You know, it's ... DC Fontana died yesterday, right? The Star Trek author, and she's famous for saying, “Star Trek is not about objects. It's about characters.” Like, that's her thing. If you're writing an episode of Star Trek, don't make it about the thing. Make it about the people's relationships. So I think that that's what those moments are about is we've had a lot of conflicts. Fantastic, amazing conflicts about things. But I try to make my conflicts about the characters. Just trying to follow what she told me to do. What she said. Not that I ever met her but I remember what she said to do.

So looking back, is there an issue that stands out in your mind as something that you just absolutely nailed? Like, it's the Batman/Elmer Fudd issue, right?

No, I hate it. [laughs] I love that issue, but there's two typos in it. It still drives me crazy. I'll never manage to get them to fix those. When I first got the comp finished, I threw in the trash I was so pissed. "Oh, I ruined this one. Oh well. I'll try again next time." And then I won awards for it, it was ridiculous.

All three of the annuals I really like. I like the dog story that David Finch and I did in the first annual, which was suggested by my daughter when she was like five. 

And I liked the second annual, which has sort of the first dates and the beginning of the end of the Catwoman/Batman relationship. That annual's the jumping off point for the whole Batman/Catwoman series. So that's how much I like it, I'm trying to copy it. 

And I like the fourth annual I did with Jorge, which was just sort of like a chance for me to do a thesis statement on what Batman is. And there was seven days of Batman in seven different genres and then it continued sort of forever. I like those three.

Read More: Why Tom King's Batman #86-106 Would Have Been About

Similarly, is there an issue that you wish you could get another crack at?

Oh man, there's a ton of issues I wish I could ... I mean, I look at the dialogue and I’m like, "Oh, I could have done that better." 

It took me a while to learn how to work with Joelle Jones, who's one of the most talented artists out there right now. And I think, I feel like I did a Wonder Woman issue with her and I feel like I wasted two of them first of all, because the story I wrote turned out to be very similar to a story that Joe Kelly had done. I hadn't read the story but I was very...I would have changed it if I had known. I sort of understood how to write for [Joelle] by Batman #44, which I think is really nice, but I think it's 39 and 40, the two Joelle Jones issues, I wish I could have another shot at doing well.

I really liked those.

TK: They're beautiful! They're drawn beautifully, but I don't know, we could have done something...it was really fine, but I feel like it could have transcended. I missed it.

I guess. The Justice League flirting between the two of them in the cartoon is high on my list of preferred pairings. So like the way that you played with that made me happy. Is there a character you feel particular ownership of now? Like if somebody comes in and changes Kite Man, are you going to throw the issue across the room and scream, "Fuck no, that's not how this is supposed to be done."

No, I think that's kind of silly. It's kind of like when you sign up for this gig, that's part of the agreement and coming into comics is realizing that this is a medium that extends to other people and no one has benefited more from that than me, who's twisted the work of Jack Kirby and Marv Wolfman and Bob Kane and Bill Finger for my own benefits. I feel like denying that to others would be hypocritical. 

Gotham Girl's named after my daughter Claire. Claire Clover is her name. So I do like her. Like I have in my daughter's room a David Finch piece or a page that he did and a page that Clay Mann did they gave to me for her. So I like her because she's named after my daughter.

Wow. That's got to be pretty sweet.

I know. I try to tell her brag, brag to your friends! But does she brag?

Read More: Why Batman Still Matters

She'll get there. As soon as she shows up in a movie, everyone's going to be like, "Oh, you're so cool." Would you do it again? Marvel comes to you tomorrow and says, “We want a hundred issues of Spider-Man. Do whatever the hell you want.” Do you jump at or do you run screaming?

I don't remember anyone ever saying, do whatever you want with Batman.

Well, fair.

It never happened. Would I do it again? I mean I have no regrets about doing it. On many levels, I feel like I'm artistically satisfied with what happened. I feel like I made my career and made my life and I had fun. 

But it's that second thing you said, the control of it. As I move forward, I kind of want to do, I don't know, like, I want to do super ambitious stuff and it's hard to do super ambitious stuff in that environment.

I feel like I got as close as I could get with [Batman]. I had a brilliant editor in Jamie Rich, huge support from Dan DiDio, but I don't know if I'll ever get that much again. Going forward, we'll see. But I just want to do something, I don't know, big and ambitious and literary and I don't know if that's possible anymore. If it is, I'll go.

You did the Sheriff and Omega Men and Vision Trilogy. You did the Heroes in Crisis Trilogy, or the Trauma Trilogy. Where are we going next?

Yeah, something new. I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to move on from fat middle aged men looking out windows, thinking about their lives. I think it'll be like another trilogy of books. It will be Strange Adventures, [Batman/Catwoman], and another book that hasn't been announced yet.

And all of this will be these 12-issue miniseries, like these little novels and they'll all be focused on a new, bigger theme. The way things develop when you're writing, you can write it one way where you're like, "I'm going to write about this theme," then you go write it. But when I do that, it just turns out shitty.

The best way I think to do it is just to write straight through so your unconscious mind brings it to the surface while you fight doing the same thing over and over again. So I'm not 100 percent sure these things are still forming as they form, but it's going to be a lot about all the shit that's in the news every single day. 

As much as Mister Miracle was about sort of the trauma of looking around our current environment, thinking, "My God, this can't be real. I feel like I'm trapped here," Strange Adventures will be about how do we fight back this pernicious stuff that seems to surround us. And I think that's what Batman/Catwoman will sort of be about too.

Read More: The Actors Who Have Played Batman

So hopeful.

Hopeful is the wrong word because some of them are dead dark books. I don't feel hopeful right now. But I feel like, I don't know, it feels like we're in the middle of the war and you don't feel hopeful in the middle of the war, but you still feel like you'd have to fight. You know?

Yeah.

It's more about that feeling, not the feeling that, "Oh God, we're going to win." But the feeling of, "Oh God, we can't lose or else."

And Strange Adventures, I've read the first one and it's ... I couldn't love it more. It's 28 pages. Doc [Shaner] and Mitch [Gerads] are doing crazy new stuff you haven't seen in comics before, which I think is cool in terms of mixing the two arts together. The two, I don't know, styles or whatever.

I couldn't be more proud of it. I remember Garth Ennis famously saying that with The Boys, you out-Preacher Preacher. So we're going to try to out-Mister Miracle Mister Miracle, to steal from Garth.

facebook

twitter

tumblr

Feature Jim Dandy

Dec 18, 2019

DC Entertainment

Tom King

Batman

from Books https://ift.tt/34z0t1B

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Gotham” S5E4

Not in chronological order, yaaaayyyy...

Also the other reaction posts for Episodes 8-10 are still a work in progress so hang on!

My sister watched it with me (as well as another episode in S5 and we both plan on watching the series finale together) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font.  Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized.

AN:   I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

This is going to be fun.

“Shut up and die [Oswald].”  *starts singing “Waking Up in Vegas” by Katy Perry*

You are really going to hell.

I am.  It’s a curse.

*Recap shows Haven blowing up*  Welp.

Ahhhh that freaking shot [of the burning teddy bear]

Hell of a shot to open with

MMMMM....

Also that one [of the people getting out].  That one’s good.

This whole opening just leaves you so numb.

Right?  Holy shit.

And I do like that the other villains are so shocked and horrified at this.

Right, yeah.

Yeah, like you have Penguin and Ed and the other people are like “Oh my God...”

Yeah...

Oh you better not-

*Barbara points her gun at an unsuspecting Oswald*  Oh come on, his back is turned!

Not right nooowww!

That’s bullshit!

*both look uncomfortable when we hear a baby crying in the background*

Everyone’s just kinda grabbing each other!

*grabs my sister and shakes her by the shoulders*  It’s like “Jim!”  “Harvey!”  “Oswald!”

*one more time*  “Bruce!”  No, I’m kidding.

*laughs*  Christ!

Yeah, whenever they use orange lighting in this show, it’s like “Ah yes, give me more!”

Except you know it means shit’s about to go down.

I know.

Or some shit has already gone down.

*Jim looks at the ruins of Haven*  Shiiit...

*Harvey hands back the badge Jim gave to Will*  Nooooooo....

*sighs*

Nooooo... come on.  God dang it.

*Opening titles roll*  So yeah, how’s that for an opening?

Noooo...

“As of now, death toll stands at 311.”  Jesus!

“49 injured, more than 2 dozen left unaccounted for.”  *very softly*  Oh my God.

I swear to God she’s [Secretary Walker] an al Ghul somewhere.

AN:  This was actually recorded a few weeks ago.  Little did I know...

“But whoever destroyed that building can't destroy the hope we've built.”  That’s not gonna do shit!

Yeah, that one lady in the crowd’s like “Oh my God...”  SAAAME!

That’s not gonna do shit, Jim!

“How are you [Jim] gonna stop it from happening again?!?”  Good question!  Honestly right now, Jim, you’re not lookin’ so hot.

I know!

Luciusss!!

“Nothing makes sense anymore.”  Someone say “It’s Gotham.”  Please God!

“SELINA!”  They just leave his [Bruce’s] ass there...

God... poor Bruce.

That’s gonna be nightmare inducing.

Yeahhh-

*Some of Ecco’s goons come in*  OH NOOO COME ON!

Ohhh the Ecco goons!

Can I preemptively say “[expletive] that noise?”

*chuckles*

Also, I love this bit right here:

*laughs when Bruce tries throwing a wrench at a goon and missing him by a long shot*  Worth the shot, buddy!

Ugghh, so close!

*Alfred comes to the rescue*  AL-FRED!

YES!!

LET’S GO!

YESSS!

“I was afraid you didn’t get my signal.  Lucius said the range was only a couple of miles.”  Where’d he get that?!?

*at same time*  What is that?!?

We already get that he’s Batman:  he’s pulling solutions out of his ass.

It’s Lucius.

I guess.

“How did that happen?”  “I [Bruce] let my guard down.”  *aside* You do that a lot, buddy!  You’ll do it more in the future!

“She’s [Selina] gone after Jeremiah, alone.”  *silently hurrahs*

OK, why is she [Barbara] wearing like a dominatrix outfit?

I mean, her last outfit was covered in filth so... also she has Penguin’s hair.

Yeah but- the leather corset?  Really?  C’mon...

“We heard people talking about a shady guy working around Haven before it blew.”  “This is Gotham.  You’re [Barbara] gonna have to do better than ‘shady guy.’“  *both giggle*

“How about a location? A building in the northeast corner of Harlow Park. He says the guy's holed up there.”  Also, they really need to release an official map for this because I have no idea where everything is.

They really need to.

Like I know that they use the actual No Man’s Land map

Right... but this continuity strays so much from regular DC continuity that not all of that might apply.

Yeah.  It’s like “Oh the Soothsayers are in the Granton district in the Dark Zone” and I’m like “Well where is that?!?”

Yeah.

Amusement Mile?!?  I know Ace Chemicals is in the Dark Zone.

Of course it is!

It’s near Crime Alley.

‘Course it damn well is!

But Crime Alley’s in Firefly’s zone.  I think, yeah.

Que interesante...

Ohhh that lightinggg!

*Penguin and Co. wait for Jim in the precinct*  Ohh c’mon... c’mon dude.

Digging the eyepatch on that guy [henchman] though

*mouths along with Oswald saying “woefully apparent”* 

“…you [Jim] are outmanned, outgunned, and out of options.”  *sings*  OUTNUMBERED, OUTPLANNED!

Hey yo, I’m gonna need a right hand man!

*groans*  I’m already dreading this.

“Take all you can carry.”  Arm yourselves to the teeth.  You’re gonna need it.

Also, they did not kill the dog.

Oh thank God.

Just to let you know!

“WE’RE NOT GONNA KILL THE DOG!”

TZE CHUN, THANK YOU!

“What do you [Jim] say, partner?”  Don’t ever say that again.

Yee-haw.

You’ve yee-d your last haw.

*laughs*

*Ed wakes up*  Nooo, who gives a shit about Ed?  Who gives a shit?  I don’t give a shit!

*aside*  It’s gonna become a lot more important.

I like this music here [when Ed investigates the suitcase] actually

*both end up scatting it*

Just sounds like they’re banging a bunch of coconuts together.

*both sing*  BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD!

*imitates Ed saying “I’ve been on a trip!” hand gesture included*

*both tilt our heads in unison to read the message on Ed’s hand*

“KNOWS WHAT?!?”  Me.

Oh my God...

That’s the campaign poster [of Oswald] in S3!

Also I like how the cop cars have the grills and bars on the front and on the windshield.

Yeah... smart move!

“To hell with Penguin.  Haven wasn't your fault.”  “I [Jim] told the people it was safe. I made them into a target.”  You know Penguin’s right there!  He can hear you.

*One of the cop cars drive past Jim*  Don’t park in the puddle!  Noooo that’s what they diddd-

No they didn’t.  Nevermind.

*giggles when Oswald pulls out a megaphone*

“There goes the element of surprise.”  *both laugh*

Oh my God, he freaking winked at Jim!  Oswald, you-

Oh noooo...

*Another shot at the group*  Yep.

“We’re sitting ducks out here.”  “And one Penguin.  Hey Oswald, why don’t you crawl out there, grab that bullhorn, tell him to come out here quietly?”  *both laugh*

*both imitate Oswald’s insulted “Yooouu…”*

“Pretty cozy up here.  Thanks guys.”  C’mon buddy!  C’mon!

*claps hands*  Give us him!

Give us the goods!

Give us!

“Zsasz?!?”  Yassss....

“Oh hey guys, what’s up?”  *both laugh*

Oh my God, I’ve missed him!

*Victor blows Oswald a kiss*  YAASSSS!!

ZSAAAAAAAAAASZZZ...

ZSAAAAAAASZZZZ....

ZSAAAASSSZZZZ HONEY!

ZSAAAASSZZZZ!

*giggles*  Yaaasss....

Oh my God what.  Is that Selina?!?

No, that’s Ed.

Freakin- what is it with him and the bad disguises?!?

But like he got through the entire precinct like that!

Everyone wasn’t paying attention!  If they were paying attention, they would’ve just ripped it [the blanket] off of him!

I know!

“I can still see your face.”  “Not when I do this, you can’t.”

*laughs*

It’s literally that!

It is.

*Ed runs into Lucius*  Ohhh yess!  I really like these two interacting.

Lucius!

“I am given and I am taken.  I was there from your first breath and I will follow you until your death.”  Oh screw off!

Your name.

“Call it a personal matter.”  I love that!

His little poses!

Yes yes!

“Well I'm [Ed] guessing you [Lucius] don't want money, because, uh, it's worthless.  I don't tend to carry snacks on me.  And if I had any bullets, I would just shoot you and take the folder.”  I really want somebody to be like “I’ll give you a load of bullets for a box of Cheez-Its.”  “DONE!”

*laughs*  Would you like the other half of this cosmic brownie?

My God, THIS MAN GOES FREE!

You know who Chris Chalk kinda reminds me of?  The ally guy from “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes?”

Yeah, it does...

Hari Rhodes!  That’s the actor!

*giggles insanely when Ed tries to take the file from Lucius and utterly fails*

What the frick?

“I [Victor] did not make that building go boom, Jim.”  *both laugh*

What a way to say that.

“You gave up any shred of honor long ago!  Why should we believe a snake like you?!?”  “Because I would never take credit for somebody’s else’s work?”  *raises pen in air in agreement*

Well duh!”

“Is this about Sofia Falcone?  You should really move past that.  It’s not healthy.”  *both giggle*

This man...

This man!  He was probably raised in the South.  He would probably go “Hey y’all!  You’ve yee-d your last haw...”

Noooo noooo... he feels more like a California guy.

Yeah... *starts singing the theme song for “The OC”*

*Everyone starts firing at Zsasz*  Zsasz is just like “Nope!’

“Nope!”

That’s the most casual duck.  Just rolls out of the way!

Come on, Jim!

I’m kinda wondering why they never got “Um guys, there’s a freaking concrete wall between windows.  He could just hide behind that!”

Or they could just like aim at an angle.

Yeah...

Get in the room!

This isn’t rocket science.

*both crack up when Zsasz goes for a drink break*

*still laughing*  What an asshole!

*Jim body slams Zsasz to the ground*  WHAA-

LET’S GO!

Right through the snack table!

And they destroyed his bowl of chips.

“[Victor] Glad to see you’re still with us.”  This man has never given a shit in his entire life.

“Thank you, thank you.  You were great.  Glad there are no hard feelings.”  I’ll be here all week.  Try the veal!

*laughs*  That was priceless.

“Allow me [Oswald] to deal with him [Victor].”  No!

No!

“If he did this, I need to know if it was a part of something larger.”  Jim, you’re always a part of something larger!  READ THE SCENE!

Oh my God, they got Zsasz sitting in the back.  Zsasz is probably gonna like try to strike up a conversation.

“So, how was life?”  “Oh my God, shut up....”

It’s that bit in “Civil War:”  “So you like cats.”

“Sam.”

This is Tony Stank!

*Selina follows Ecco and the new followers into the work site*  Oh here we go, here we go.  Here we go!

Oh Jesus... the belly of the beast.

Also, that place must smell like just terrible.

Right?!??!  If this place doesn’t smell like an armpit, then...

*Sykes dies*  ...oh God.

“Well, not with that attitude you’re not.”  *leans far and away from screen*

Bitch.

“Everyone, let’s reach inside and dig a little deeper, shall we?”  You prick.

*turns towards me*  Don’t you dare [sing]

*leans away when Jeremiah licks blood off his knife*  HI THANKS NO BYE!

*both groan in disgust*

YOU NASTY!  YOU TWO [Jeremiah and Ecco] DESERVE EACH OTHER, ya- mmmmmm!

Honestly though, I am kink-shaming.  I am kink-shaming so hard.

*chuckles*  They’re carrying his [Sykes] body out in a wheelbarrow.

OK, but like the Tim Curry voice- that’s an affectation!  He’s just putting that on to sound impressive.

*laughs when Jeremiah stops talking to himself and awkwardly clears his throat when Ecco walks in*

He’s like “Mm-mm!  Sorry!  Helloooo!”

*Jeremiah grabs Ecco by the neck to inspect her scar*  Noooooo...

He’s lookin’ right at the bullet...

Eeuughh...

“Bruce Wayne, and his sidekick Curls?  Or is he the sidekick?”  That’s still such a great line.

“And Curls can walk.  Really well.  Especially… for a paraplegic.”  *done*

*softly laughs in shock*  Oh my God...

*Jeremiah purrs appreciatively at Ecco*  How have these two not eaten each other alive at this point-

*sinks down in chair when Jeremiah dismisses Ecco*  Oh my God, that was a ghost kiss!  I HATE YOU!

“OK recruits, let’s do like my daddy did before my sixth birthday and move out!”  *both laugh*

That is a hell of a line!

*Selina follows Ecco and her group*  Yeah, you see him [Jeremiah] in the background just whip around!

Yeaahhh!

That was like a horror movie thing, where the monster just whips around.  You can imagine a little scare chord in the background.

Right?!?

Also, I like how they establish that relationship in like under a minute.

Yeah...

Like yes, that is how you do it.

That was good.

Eat that, “Suicide Squad!”

“Evidence of deflagration would suggest something with a slower burn rate, like gunpowder or nitroglycerin.”  “But for this level of destruction, that would require a bomb that's 20 cubic feet of explosive material.”  Or a baZOOKA!

People just really love their RPGs in this show.

People just really love bazookas.  Bane uses one in the Bane Red Trailer

“Man walks into a room, alone, and is later found murdered.  There are no windows, and one door, which is locked from the inside.”  *whispers*  Toxic gas.  No I’m kidding.

“The bomb was the building.”  *imitates the way Ed says “the bomb”*

I love that.

*Ed and Lucius figure out how the building blew up*  This makes the forensics class part of me just so happy.

“Ow!  That’s a really nice table.”  *both chuckle*

“We got a dozen witnesses that saw you [Victor] walk out of that building before it went kabooey.”  *in unison*  Kabooey.

“Hey, do you guys have any canned peaches? Man, I'd trade an arm and a leg for that right now. Not mine, somebody else's.”  *both laugh*

Man, I missed him!

I know!  I’m gonna miss him so much!

“And, guys, those were warning shots. I mean, if I really wanted to kill you you'd be dead.”  If you guys could aim in this show.

Right?

I mean it’s not like the *pretends to shoot around something*

“If I blew up a building full of people, I would have covered every inch of my body in sweet, sweet scars.”  Can we see them?

*gives me a weird look*

His scars!  We only see them once [way back in S1].

I’d [Victor] let Alvarez do it.  He’s handsome.”  *both chuckle*

OK, but if the Gotham fandom isn’t already shipping them, I’m gonna be very disappointed.

*tries not to say anything without laughing*

Your stunned silence is very reassuring.

“Looks like you need a new suspect.”  *in Southern drawl*  Looks like it wasn’t Zsasz!

*Oswald arrives at the precinct*  Go to hell!

I love that shot of him.

“I know the wheels of justice turn slowly, so I'm here to provide - a modicum of grease.”  A what of what?

He said “grace” like “grease.”

What of what?  I don’t know.  I don’t know diction anymore.

“Oh, I did not expect you to go soft, Jim... Actually, I did, which is why I didn’t come alone.” OH COME ON!

*nods*

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?

“Torturing- torturing Zsasz into confessing won't give the people justice.”  And it’s not a very effective way of getting answers either!  Because they’re gonna say anything to make it stop.

Also, take a shot every time Oswald refers to Jim as “old friend.”

You’d be dead.

“There will be a trial!”  I still really wanted an episode like the “Trial” episode from the animated series.  That would have been so cool!

*waves at screen when Zsasz gets escorted out*  Bye Zsasz... you’re gonna be high as a kite the next time we see you.

We see him more in this episode.

OK.

The last episode he’s in, he’s just like “Whaauggh!”

*laughs*  What a way to go out though.

Harvey just tackles you?

I mean, if I’m gonna go out, I’m gonna go out high as a paper kite too.

*gives her the strangest look*

*laughs*  You’re judging me so hard!

*shakes head*  I can’t believe you.

I say that like I know what the hell getting high even feels like.

I love that this lazy ass [Haven bomber] just like leaves all the stuff there.  He’s like “Oh, we gotta scatter it!  Kick!”

“I truly hope you find whoever did this and make them pay.”  So he [Ed] didn’t do it.

*shakes my head like the liar I am*

OK...

“I appreciate your help, Ed.  Couldn’t have done it without you.  If you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it.”  *chuckles*

[Ed] You have one friend.  Kind of.

He so badly wants to say “No, god dammit!” but he can’t!

Censorship!

This show isn’t rated high enough.  Let Edward say [expletive]

*wheezes*  He’s not that kind of person who would say that.

Oswald would!

He would.  I made that meme thing!

Yeah that’s true.

Ed would catch himself and go “Oh... fart.”

“PENN, WHERE THE F-”

*both laugh*

Oh, that was brilliant*

*The crowd at the trial becomes unruly*  Fight, fight, fight!

Oh God...

“Look at them, Harvey.”  Not another speech!

Now see, that [mural behind the staircase in Oswald’s place] is like Bioshock!  That big-  isn’t there a big mural in the-

Yeahhh, in the church, yeah!

For the workforce?

I dunno, this is more like OG Bioshock instead of Bioshock Infinite.

Yeah.

Because we’re past the religious stuff.

Ohh the purple lighting behind him [Oswald].

“So, will I [Victor] be appointed a lawyer?  I feel like my rights are being violated.”  I mean, technically they are.

Wait, they actually have somewhere there like transcribing the whole thing [trial]!

I also like that he’s [Oswald] wearing the sash that the choir members wore.

Yep...

He [Oswald] paid off the witnesses though!  This is-

No!  Yeah, they said money is useless, so why would Oswald pay them off?

True... but this is obviously just a sham trial.

It is!  It’s a kangaroo court.  I love “The Dark Knight Rises.”

Also I like that goon in the background that looks like Neo from “The Matrix.”  With the long coat- no, that’s Morpheus.  Nevermind.

“It was a bomb.”  *chuckles*  It was a big one.

“For months now, you've been hearing me [Jim] say help is coming.”  IT AIN’T!

“This is not justice.”  This is where I pull out that quote from the first “Dark Phoenix” trailer and just insert it in here.

“I’ll [Oswald] consider that your [Jim’s] closing argument.”  That was like his opening and closing argument!

Though it did put me in mind of a much better speech from “Camelot”:  “They have forgotten justice, they want revenge, revenge the most worthless of causes.”

*Crowd calls Zsasz guilty*  What the hell were you [Jim] expecting?

Welp.

And Zsasz is like “Great...”  Good job, Jim!

Thanks for that, Jim!

Great job!

There is a guillotineeee!

Oh come onnn!

They probably got it from like the natural history museum. 

Sheesh...

Also, why would they have a guillotine in the natural history museum of Gotham?

Because this place is [expletive] up all the way up to the ears.

“Any last words?”  [Oswald] YOU PUT TAPE ON HIS MOUTH, YOU ASSHOLE!

*laughs when Victor gives his muffled last words*  He’s just stalling, I love it!

“Well said.”  *laughs*

*Victor gets rescued at the last minute*  Ohhh ho ho ho!

Shit, that was close!

*imitates Oswald yelling “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?”

I actually really hope we see Zsasz in the time jump. 

I hope so.

I will be so happy.

*Jim shoves Oswald to the ground*  MOM, HE PUSHED ME!

You self-serving asshole!

“What choice do I [Jim] have?  Either I let him [Victor] go, or he's dead for something he didn't do.”  Either that or it’s like the final scene from “Se7en.”

*very softly*  Eesh...

WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!?  No.  Zsasz is not up for that.

No.

I think he begrudgingly gets along with Barbara so he wouldn’t do that.

“This city will never be what you it to be, Jim.  It’s always gonna belong to the bad guys… like me.”  Yes.

“What?”  “Yeah, what?”  *scoffs in hilarity*

“Give him your gun.”  OK, I hate this because Jim wants him [Victor] to shoot him. 

Come on...

He wants a shootout!

“Maybe I'm just tired of listening to you, Victor.”  Jim, come on!

*groans in frustration*

I like that shot though [of Victor being offered Harvey’s gun].  It’s like one of the westerns, with the blurry background.

“Do it.”  No...

Jim, what are you, stupid?

*sits back in relief when Victor turns him down* Oh thank God...

“So [Victor] get the hell out of my face.”  So why did he [Jim] want a shoot out?  He just wanted an excuse to arrest him again?

It’s guess it’s just kind of the built up anger.  Plus the fact that everything Jim has tried to do has utterly failed.

Yeah...

So he’s at the end of his rope and given up everything.

That’s true, yeah.

Ooohh that’s [the lighting for that shot of the tunnel workers walking down the hall] cool.

Yeah, where the hell is this?

I don’t know... it looks like an old parking garage.

It does!

*All the tunnel workers get knocked out*  Oh dear.

*claps when Bruce emerges from the shadows and catches up to Alfred*  LET’S GOOOOO!  Yess!

Alfred being a badass!

*laughs when Jeremiah starts fanning himself with his hat*

*done*

*mouths along with Jeremiah’s line about the river, with eyebrows and all*

“So what do we do when we feel like giving up?”  “Dig a little deeper.”   *has to sit forward in an attempt not to laugh/sing*

*still done*

*eyes widen when Selina walks up to Jeremiah and stabs him*

“Deep enough?”  Let’s go.

Damn.

“Well Selina, I must say-“  Yeah, the Tim Curry voice is an affectation.

Yeah.

Stab number two.  Stab number three.

*in unison*  Four.  Five!  Six.  Seven.  Eight.  Nine.

God...

Ho-ly shit!

*Jeremiah drops to the ground*  And he’s alive after that.

*shakes head*

*Selina gets hit in the head with a tool*  Ohhhhhh!  That oughta hurttt!

Yeah.... Jesus.

Also, you noticed like that he [Jeremiah] immediately calmed down like “Oh, it’s not Ecco, oh thank God- oh it’s just Selina.”

*laughs*

*Last shot of Jeremiah in the episode*  He looks dead.

Yeah.  Like how the hell did you survive getting stabbed in the stomach nine times?

Plus, in the next episode, there’s a doctor there.  I think it’s some sort of surgeon.

Still though... damn...

*Ed is exhausted after climbing stairs*  Mood, Ed.

“I hate stairs.”  *laughs*

What a mood!

*sings*  What a mood, what a mood, what a mighty big mood!

[1215]  Oh Jesus...

Oh my gosh, the amount of times I’ve seen a ceramic rooster thing, ugh... that brings me back.

This poor old lady!

“You were on the roof and you had some kind of a rocket.”  *softly*  Oh my God...

*The old woman hits Ed over the head*  HA!

*Ed starts to remember*  Oh my God!  He did it after all!  Oh, you- eat shit, Ed!

*points at screen*  Yeah that’s [the long hair and bowler hat] not a look!

*Ed blow up Haven in a flashback*  Why would he even do it though?

Also, I like these Windows screensaver effects.  *laughs*

Also, I wanna know how he [Ed] got the room number.

“I promise, I won't tell anybody.”  “I know you won't.”  Oh, c’mon, Ed!

No, c’mon!  Ed, no!  No no no!

*Ed shoves the witness out the window to her death*  Eat shit and dieeeee...

*tries not to laugh*  That’s from “Batman Forever!”  Because he pushes the guy out the window in the wheelchair!

Ohhhh, eat shit and dieee-

OK, OK, here’s the thing.  You’re gonna hate this ending because I hate this ending-

Oh God...

Because Jim and Barbara and it’s like-

What...

Yeah...

*yowls in frustration*

*can’t help but laugh*  Same.

“[Barbara] Your tip didn't pan out.”  “Well, I've got another one.”  Nooo.

Jim does not need this right now.

He does not need this right now.

You’ve made a lot of shitty decisions this episode, Jim.

Yeah, everyone has.  And these two have [throughout the show].

“No one knows what it’s like to be him.”  *to the tune of the opening of 2001*  Shuuuutttt upppp!  SHUT UP!

Is this really the time for freakin’ anger sex?

I know!

“I told you to leave.”  No.

*shakes head*

*both say varying degrees of “No” when Barbara gets super close to Jim*

Jim, no.  No.

No.

*Jim grabs Barbara’s arm to stop her*  Jim, no.

MMMMMMM!!!

*bolts out of seat when Jim and Barbara start to make out* 

JIIM, COME ONNN!!!

*in the background*  I’m goin’ out the window, bye!

Jim...

*comes back to seat when end titles appear*  AND THAT IS THE end of the episode!

Nooooo!!  Jiimmm, come on!  COME ON!

[onetruesporkbot]

One or the Other...Preferably the Non-Stupid One

A website I frequent, the Outhouse, has an article pertaining to Detective Comics #980, and the potential effect it (and to a degree, Flash War) has on the lives of Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown. I’ve mentioned my problems with their reinventions before, but...well, I’m doing it again. Sue me. And yeah, this’ll be a long one, so maybe go for a walk around the block to stretch your legs first, make sure you got to the bathroom, and maybe grab a drink before reading on.

I've had my own ideas on how to fix the error of Cass and Steph’s altered histories. Mostly they involve retconning Harper Row into either non-existence or just not being an attention/glory leech on the Bat-Family’s butt-cheek, praised as a paragon of splendor. Even if someone can find evidence that editorial/executive mandates forced the spotlight on that character throughout the Eternal books, the interpretation/execution of that, vis-a-vie how she affected Stephanie's and Cass' lives, is on Tynion (and, granted, the other writers who were working off his ideas), and acts as a basis for his ‘Tec run. As is her lack of development, off-putting but still happily accepted bad attitude and generally not really doing much, but still being treated like royalty by her experienced betters. She’s a bad character, and none of the Bats or Birds, acting in their right mind, would tolerate her like they did. THAT is the core of the problem with those stories and these reinventions, and they aren't solved simply because Harper became the Mr. Wick to 'Tec's Drew Carey Show, and just isn't seen very often later on.

           Not the most fair comparison, because the depraved, abusive, lying,        cheating, over-privileged misery-mongering manager is by far more likable.

While heavy-handedly-hoisted Harper is a large part of the problem, there are others where these characters are concerned. Steph's reinvention started out well enough, but then Tynion decided to charter her a flight from "beginner" to "accomplished crime-fighter" in a mere few issues. Stephanie lost a big part of what I've seen draw her to readers (like a friend of mine): her tenacity. Instead of a girl that kept doing the hero thing after being frequently told by those around her, including Platinum-Status Crook-Scarer Batman, to quit, and publicly (off-line) actually spoiling her Dad’s schemes, training hard to better herself...she was remade into a girl running around with her mask down half the time, leaving vague hints online that are ignored or hacked away. It’s later discovered didn't really want to catch her Dad, regardless of what that meant for Gotham, a city she’s quick to abandon when the s#&t hits the fan. She could swing across the sky and fight off assassins despite little or no training (excelled in this regard only by...you know blue). So, she’s got a skill-level and bravery on par with vigilantes with years of experience...until she doesn’t.

Cassie's changes are the biggest offense to me. While Steph started somewhat strong and had any thunder thoroughly absorbed by Harper, Cass' entire EXISTENCE became tied to Row. Every movement, every action, every breath was about some unlikable wastrel with delusions of perfection. Remaking a pre-existing character's life all about a newer one’s is even worse when that newer one has all the originality of the comic Diesel (see Linkara's review for context). Their "friendship" had zero basis, other than one party's guilt and the other party needing constant attention and praise heaped upon her. It makes Cassie’s her entire motivation more about appeasing Harper, proving herself to Harper, even asking for death in Harper’s name...as opposed to realizing that, regardless of who the victim was, killing someone was wrong. I don't recall if they ever named the guy Cassie originally killed, but it was better that he didn't have some "important" connection to a character like a bad soap opera desperate for ratings. Now it’s felt more like “killing that person was wrong...because it was Harper’s Mom.” Just like the Wayne Murders, it's better and more poignant if it were left random. But again, the problems go beyond Harper. Having Cass speak so early changes her "neurologically atypical brain", or how, when you think about it, slaughtering children and piling them up (seriously, what the eff, Jimbo?) kind of defeats the whole revelation Cass has when she takes her first life. Even if she feels she has no family, Cass taking the name of a serial killer makes no sense...I would think the body count would outweigh “feeling alone” element to the name (really, Jimmy’s stretching for that one). Then there’s the fact that Tynion’s blithering idiot version of David Cain never loved his daughter, except as a passing reference in his kamikaze strike, which was mostly about Mother not appreciating him enough. And probably just an excuse to kill another characters father because some at DC has Daddy Issues. I mean, they cut Cluemaster’s throat, THEN cut Orphan-Cain’s throat...but he somehow survived...oy, now I’m remembering all the plot holes. So many plot holes. I mean, Cassie turning evil was incompetent, but not only did that give fixed in under two years, Adam Beechen excelled in other respects during Robin, and wasn’t prone to unbearable slog.

                                      This is the crap you’re making me miss, DC.

Harper Row was either the standard or the launching pad for Tynion’s versions of these characters, and much to their detriment. This vision OMAC-Tim gives Cass and Steph just proves what I've been saying, that these characters of Orphan and...Not-Quite-Spoiler...aren't "just the same" characters as before Flashpoint, despite some similarities. They haven't earned what they did beforehand, Tynion just tried rebuilding them from the ground-up, then a few issues later just wrote "it's this way now" to closer resemble their pre52 versions, with no build-up or effort put into it. Heck, after hearing 'Tec readers talk about how Steph has been acting insane, these last pages suggest that, perhaps, she was playing Achilles or whatever his name is, which...I could kind of see Batgirl-era Steph doing...not a bumbling idiot who let Gotham burn over her stinkin' parental disputes and took orders from an ego-maniacal brat.

Cassie and Steph can hug all they want when things get emotional, it doesn’t change that the versions under Tynion had one called the other subhuman, and then when they next saw each other, spontaneous group-hug-invite. That is nowhere NEAR the same as the two of them disliking each other, and their rivalry developing into a friendship.

“Remember when I said you weren’t a person only because you didn’t speak?                                     AHAHAHAHA! Good times, GOOD times...”

And really, I think fans of these characters are just so glad to have ANY version of them, they're more forgiving of Tynion's writing, whether it's error-heavy or just serviceable. They’ll excuse the problems to support the characters. Sure, Jimbo tosses in some emotional moments, hugging, crying, but given his previous work and history with them, I question if it had any real structure to it. He didn’t hesitate to have Tim bone Steph, even though that’s not something pre52 Tim would do, so why should I believe he put any effort into the Clayface/Cassie friendship, or...any character/Cassie friendship? But even if he did...how does it justify what he changed or how he changed it? I’d say it doesn’t; his mistakes aren’t better just because he and/or DC refuse to acknowledge them (hence the absence of Harper). NOTHING justifies these problems.

So, moving forward from Steph and Cass learning they had alternate, better-written lives...we don’t know how that’ll go. ‘Tec 981 could see them decide they (for some unholy reason) prefer to have started out as side-characters in their own origins if it props Harper up further, never having actually ever been the same as before (but “different” and “change”, so that makes it better somehow). Or, in a rare show of intelligence, this will lead to them ACTUALLY getting their lives back, no reinvention, no dead Dads either influencing their sociopathic negligence or wanting them dead, no stupid changes mandated by a bunch of witless baboons in charge...none of it. Because none it was good, none of it improved or equaled what was done before, and none of it is justified by long slogs in between distracting heart-string-tugs. Tynion’s changes, including but certainly not limited to the spotlighting of Bluebird, brought nothing new or good to the table, regardless of circumstances, and I fail to see why they or their effects should continue.

The characters CANNOT have both histories; they just don’t work together. Steph’s beginnings cannot be both humble AND tied to yet-another city-wide massacre. Cassie’s life cannot be about her AND someone that has no right, rhyme or reason to be associated with her. David Cain cannot be a trained assassin at odds with a daughter he genuinely cares for AND...whatever the Hell Tynion thought he was writing Orphan to be. None of this deserves passive dismissal, not after all the years of crap DC has flung our way. They’re mistakes don’t deserve the validation of continuance for these characters or their world.

We’ll see.

[superwholock-marvel-images]

Winchesters in Gotham 3

The bat mobile breaks down, right outside of the police station. You ask Robin to help you get it at least running again. “Try it again Robin.” You say. Robin tries to start the bat mobile again, without any luck. You sigh.

“Out of all the times the bat mobile could break down, it decided to break down here.” Robin comments.

“Need any help?” Someone asks making you jump a bit… you hit your head on the hood. You glance over to who spoke and see Sam, as well as Dean. “Sorry didn’t mean to startle you Thrush.”

“You’re fine Sam. It wouldn’t be the first time that I hit my head on the hood of a car.” You reply moving away from the car to talk with your brother. “If you know anything about cars, that would be a big help.”

“He doesn’t, I do though.” Dean replies, pointing at Sam when he says ‘he’. Your brother then holds out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Dean.”

“Y/N?” Bruce asks when he sees you come up from the cave with tears in your eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah… missing my brothers though.” You reply wiping your tears.

“Call them.” Bruce gently urges.

“But I saw them today…”

“No, Thrush saw them today. Y/N didn’t. I bet your brothers would love to hear your voice.” You let out of a watery laugh.

“Dean would suddenly suspect that someone broke my heart or something similar, if I call them when I’m crying.” Bruce laughs.

About an hour later you dial Sam’s number and press call. Three rings layer Sam answers. “Hello?” He asks.

“Hey Sammy.” You reply.

“Hey (Nickname), you doing okay?”

“Okay is a realitive term. How are you and Dean?”

“Honestly, you not being here has taken its toll on us.”

“Would you guys like to meet up somewhere?” You find yourself asking.

“We’re currently in New Jersey in a city called Gotham.” Sam answers.

“Huh, that’s currently where I am… that’s a shocker.” Poor Sam is in so much shock he starts to stutter. “How about we meet up at the coffee shop in about half an hour?”

“Sure. See you then Sis.”

“Later Sammy.” With that you hang up and head back to Bruce’s study. “Hey Bruce, mind if I borrow one of the cars in the garage? I told my bothers that I’d meet up with them at the coffee shop.”

“I don’t see why not.” Bruce replies. He then hands you a keyring with three car keys on it.

“Thank you Bruce.”

“You’re welcome. Just be back before we have to patrol.”

“I will.”

You drive to the coffee shop, glad that Dean taught you how to drive before you ever stepped foot in Gotham city. You find a parking spot that you don’t have to pay a meter, then walk to the coffee shop. “Hello  Y/N.” The barista, Jill, says when she sees you.

“Hey Jill.” You reply walking over to the counter.

“Let me guess Bruce sent you for a coffee pick up.”

“Actually no, I’m meeting a few people here. But I will take my normal drink though.” You say handing her some money.

“Coming right up.” Jill says with a grin. She then starts to get to work on your drink. You sit down at one of the tables facing the door waiting for Sam and Dean. Jill walks over to you and sets the paper cup down in front of you before heading back behind the counter.

“Thanks Jill.” You say catching her before she is completely behind the counter. Sam and Dean walk in and you wave them over. “Hey guys.” You say with a smile.

“Hi.” Sam says pulling you into a hug. You inhale the sent of whiskey, gun powder and the detergent your brothers use. You ask if they want anything. “You don’t have to get it.”

“My treat.” You answer. Your brothers then say that they’ll just take some coffee. You get up and walk over to the counter again. “Hey again Jill.”

“Hi, what can I get you?” Your friend replies with a smile.

“Two, nothing special, large coffees please.”

“I love how you worded that.” Jill says with a laugh as you pay her again. Jill hands you the two paper cups of coffee. You then walk back over to your brothers.

“Do we have to pay you back?” Dean asks suddenly suspicious. Normally when you use your own money you ask your brothers to pay you back. You laugh lightheartedly.

“Not this time big brother.” Your phone buzzes and you pull it out of your pocket. Dick texted you. You weren’t needed at the bat cave yet, Dick is just being himself. In other words your friend sends you a picture of you, talking to your brothers.

‘Look who I found in the coffee shop.’ The caption reads. You roll your eyes.

“You just declared war.” You mutter as you type.

“What did we do?” Sam inquires trying not to sound insulted.

“Wasn’t talking about you two. Referring to my friend, Dick.” You anwer.

“What happened?”

“Long story short… Dick started a prank war with me.” 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 While you’re hanging out with your brothers you run into Salina and Harley. “Harley!” You exclaim when she bear hugs you.

“Y/N.” Harley replies using the same tone that you just used. She also tightens the hug, popping your back.

“Salina, a little help?” You ask looking towards Salina. Your feline friend chuckles.

“Harley you’re squeezing Y/N like a hungry python.” She points out. “Let the girl get some form of air into her lungs.” Harley pouts slightly before releasing you from her hug.

“Thank you Salina.” You state. “Guys meet Salina and Harley, Salina and Harley meet my brothers Sam and Dean.”

“Hello.” Harley says in a fliry tone.

“Can you not?” You ask your friend. “Dean is just going to flirt back and that is going to be a mess.”

“Girlie, you are a mess.” Harley says looking at you with a grin.

“Thanks Harley.” You sarcastically say rolling your eyes. “You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

“I try.” Harley says with a grin. Salina rolls her eyes.

“Okay both of you stop.” She states.

“Do I really want to know what is going on?” Sam asks arching an eyebrow.

“That is normal banter between us.” You glance down at your watch- it’s not quite a watch, more like a wearable bat signal. “I better go.” You say when you notice you have a bat on your watch.

“Go where?” Your brother asks.

“I have some homework I need to do.” You lie. “I also promised Dick that I would help him with chemistry.” Salina catches your lie.

“Alright. See you later.” She winks as you run off. You run to the car you borrowed and head back to Wayne manor. You get to the bat cave, Batman and Robin are waiting for you.

“What’s going on?” You ask.

“Joker.” Robin answers.

“Oh boy. The clown prince of crime, what did he do now?”

“For one thing he broke out of Arkham. Again.”

“Why am I not surprised?” You mutter rubbing your forehead with your left hand. “What is he after this time?” Batman looks to the screen of his computer, and types a few things in. In front of you is a huge museum.  “Okay what am I looking at besides a museum?”

“The Joker’s next target.” Batman vaguely answers.

“That’s helpful… what is it exactly?”

“Tonight is a gala at the museum, and I want you and Robin to go to it to make sure the Joker doesn’t take anything.”

“Thrush and Robin going to save the day. That works.”

“Not so fast.” Batman says looking at you. “Thrush isn’t going, Y/N is.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“I received two invitations one for Batman, and the other for Bruce Wayne. Robin is going to fill in for Batman, and Y/N is going to fill in for Bruce Wayne.”

To be continued

⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅ @the-third-winchester-warrior @flannels-and-rocksalt @always-keep-writing-spn @winchesters-favorite-girl @caroldanversinatardis @the-writer-in-blue @spnkisum @thewinsisterchronicles

[readingsanctuary]

I was so good this month when it came to book buying, in that I actually didn’t buy any! I’m genuinely quite proud of myself for exhibiting some self-control for once. I still have quite an impressive book haul this month however, because it was my birthday on the twenty-second and my family knows me so well, that I ended up receiving an impressive stack of books from them. I’m very excited about all of these, but enough rambling from me, let’s get started.

Catwoman: Soulstealer – by Sarah J. Maas

When the Bat’s away, the Cat will play. It’s time to see how many lives this cat really has. . . .

Two years after escaping Gotham City’s slums, Selina Kyle returns as the mysterious and wealthy Holly Vanderhees. She quickly discovers that with Batman off on a vital mission, Batwing is left to hold back the tide of notorious criminals. Gotham City is ripe for the taking.

Meanwhile, Luke Fox wants to prove he has what it takes to help people in his role as Batwing. He targets a new thief on the prowl who seems cleverer than most. She has teamed up with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, and together they are wreaking havoc. This Catwoman may be Batwing’s undoing.

In this third DC Icons book–following Leigh Bardugo’s Wonder Woman: Warbringer and Marie Lu’s Batman: Nightwalker–Selina is playing a desperate game of cat and mouse, forming unexpected friendships and entangling herself with Batwing by night and her devilishly handsome neighbor Luke Fox by day. But with a dangerous threat from the past on her tail, will she be able to pull off the heist that’s closest to her heart?

This book crept up on me. I honestly had no idea that it was out this month, it’s been so quite. I wasn’t even sure whether I wanted to read it until I saw Zoe from NoSaferPlace’s review, and she convinced me that I wanted to give it a try, also she mentioned that Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn make appearances, which caught my attention. So when I unboxed this beautiful hardcover in the August Illumicrate Box, I was pleased, because I definitely want to give it a chance, and I have the matching Wonder Woman edition.

Howl’s Moving Castle – by Diana Wynne Jones

“How about making a bargain with me?” said the demon. “I’ll break your spell if you agree to break this contract I’m under.”

In the land of Ingary, where seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility really exist, Sophie Hatter attracts the unwelcome attention of the Witch of the Waste, who puts a curse on her. Determined to make the best of things, Sophie travels to the one place where she might get help – the moving castle which hovers on the nearby hills.

But the castle belongs to the dreaded Wizard Howl whose appetite, they say, is satisfied only by the hearts of young girls…

I’ve been sort of wanting to read this for a few years now, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot just recently. I love the studio Ghibli film, and am looking forward to seeing how the book compares. This was a gift from my sister, and she knows me so well.

The Backstagers: volume 2

All the world’s a stage . . . but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic—literally!

Jory and the rest of the Backstagers have one goal this semester: to put on the best show their town’s ever seen. But best laid plans aren’t easy to achieve when there’s an entire magical world that lives beyond the curtain! When one of the actors suddenly goes missing, the Backstagers must band together to save their comrade and maintain the natural balance of . . . theater. 

This was also a gift from my sister, who remembered me reading and enjoying the first volume while we were on holiday. I am incredibly excited for this one. The Backstagers is just such a cute and enjoyable series. I’m so excited to see where the story goes, and maybe learn more about the mystery’s of the backstage world.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – by J.K. Rowling (Hufflepuff Edition)

Exclusive Hufflepuff House Edition of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – a highly collectable must-have for all Harry Potter fans!

Let the magic of J.K. Rowling’s classic series take you back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Issued to mark the 20th anniversary of first publication of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, these irresistible House Editions celebrate the noble character of the four Hogwarts houses. Featuring gorgeous house-themed cover art and interior line illustrations by Kate Greenaway Medal winner Levi Pinfold, each book will also have vibrant sprayed edges in the house livery. Entertaining bonus features exclusive to each house accompany the novel. All seven books in the series will be issued in these highly collectable House Editions.

A must-have for anyone who has ever imagined sitting under the Sorting Hat in the Great Hall at Hogwarts waiting to hear the words, ‘Better be HUFFLEPUFF!’

I adore my Philosophers Stone Hufflepuff hardcover edition, and knew that I wanted the matching Chamber of Secrets edition to go with it. I hope that they continue to release the whole series in these editions, because I am so in love with them. This was a gift from my parents, who have always fed and supported my love of Harry Potter and reading in general.

Hunted – by Megan Spooner

Beauty knows the Beast’s forest in her bones—and in her blood. Though she grew up with the city’s highest aristocrats, far from her father’s old lodge, she knows that the forest holds secrets and that her father is the only hunter who’s ever come close to discovering them. 

So when her father loses his fortune and moves Yeva and her sisters back to the outskirts of town, Yeva is secretly relieved. Out in the wilderness, there’s no pressure to make idle chatter with vapid baronessas…or to submit to marrying a wealthy gentleman. But Yeva’s father’s misfortune may have cost him his mind, and when he goes missing in the woods, Yeva sets her sights on one prey: the creature he’d been obsessively tracking just before his disappearance. 

Deaf to her sisters’ protests, Yeva hunts this strange Beast back into his own territory—a cursed valley, a ruined castle, and a world of creatures that Yeva’s only heard about in fairy tales. A world that can bring her ruin or salvation. Who will survive: the Beauty, or the Beast?

This Beauty and the Beast retelling has been sort of distantly on my radar for a while, I’ve heard good things, but I’ve never gotten around to reading it. Now I have no excuses, because my parents got me a copy for my birthday, and I am so happy about it.

Undead Girl Gang – Lily Anderson

Mila Flores and her best friend Riley have always been inseparable. There’s not much excitement in their small town of Cross Creek, so Mila and Riley make their own fun, devoting most of their time to Riley’s favorite activity: amateur witchcraft.

So when Riley and two Fairmont Academy mean girls die under suspicious circumstances, Mila refuses to believe everyone’s explanation that her BFF was involved in a suicide pact. Instead, armed with a tube of lip gloss and an ancient grimoire, Mila does the unthinkable to uncover the truth: she brings the girls back to life.

Unfortunately, Riley, June, and Dayton have no recollection of their murders, but they do have unfinished business to attend to. Now, with only seven days until the spell wears off and the girls return to their graves, Mila must wrangle the distracted group of undead teens and work fast to discover their murderer…before the killer strikes again.

I knew I wanted to read this the very moment that I heard about it. It looks and sounds so awesome! I love almost anything involving witches, and I think this will make a great autumn read.

Reign the Earth – A.C. Gaughen

Shalia is a proud daughter of the desert, but after years of devastating war with the adjoining kingdom, her people are desperate for peace. Willing to trade her freedom to ensure the safety of her family, Shalia becomes Queen of the Bonelands.

But she soon learns that her husband, Calix, is motivated only by his desire to exterminate the Elementae—mystical people who can control earth, wind, air, and fire. Even more unsettling are Shalia’s feelings for her husband’s brother, which unleash a power over the earth she never knew she possessed—a power that could get her killed. As rumors of a rebellion against Calix spread, Shalia must choose between the last chance for peace and her own future as an Elementae.

I saw a lot of reviews for this around the time it was released, and I was completely sold on the concept. I have a weakness for elemental magic, and I’m in a major fantasy mood right now.

Of Fire and Stars – by Audrey Coulthurst

Betrothed since childhood to the prince of Mynaria, Princess Dennaleia has always known what her future holds. Her marriage will seal the alliance between Mynaria and her homeland, protecting her people from other hostile lands. But Denna has a secret. She possesses an Affinity for fire—a dangerous gift for the future queen of a kingdom where magic is forbidden.

Now, Denna must learn the ways of her new home while trying to hide her growing magic. To make matters worse, she must learn to ride Mynaria’s formidable warhorses—and her teacher is the person who intimidates her most, the prickly and unconventional Princess Amaranthine—called Mare—the sister of her betrothed.

When a shocking assassination leaves the kingdom reeling, Mare and Denna reluctantly join forces to search for the culprit. As the two become closer, Mare is surprised by Denna’s intelligence and bravery, while Denna is drawn to Mare’s independent streak. And soon their friendship is threatening to blossom into something more.

But with dangerous conflict brewing that makes the alliance more important than ever, acting on their feelings could be deadly. Forced to choose between their duty and their hearts, Mare and Denna must find a way to save their kingdoms—and each other.

This has been on my TBR for a while now, but I never got around to buying myself a copy. I’m really glad to now have the chance to read this. I mean honestly, I was sold on this from the moment I heard that there was a f/f ship with two princesses.

A Crown of Wishes – by Roshani Chokshi

Gauri, the princess of Bharata, has been taken as a prisoner of war by her kingdom’s enemies. Faced with a future of exile and scorn, Gauri has nothing left to lose. Hope unexpectedly comes in the form of Vikram, the cunning prince of a neighboring land and her sworn enemy kingdom. Unsatisfied with becoming a mere puppet king, Vikram offers Gauri a chance to win back her kingdom in exchange for her battle prowess. Together, they’ll have to set aside their differences and team up to win the Tournament of Wishes – a competition held in a mythical city where the Lord of Wealth promises a wish to the victor.

Reaching the tournament is just the beginning. Once they arrive, danger takes on new shapes: poisonous courtesans and mischievous story birds, a feast of fears and twisted fairy revels.

Every which way they turn new trials will test their wit and strength. But what Gauri and Vikram will soon discover is that there’s nothing more dangerous than what they most desire.

I got my copy of Star-Touched Queen for my birthday two years ago, and fell in love with the beautiful writing style. I’ve been wanting to get my hands on A Crown of Wishes ever since. This book is so beautiful, and I’m really looking forward to reading it.

Ms Marvel: vol 9 – Teenage Wasteland

Kamala Khan has vanished! But where has she gone, and why? Jersey City still has a need for heroes, and in the wake of Ms. Marvel’s disappearance, dozens have begun stepping up to the plate. The city’s newest super hero Red Dagger and even ordinary citizens attempt to carry on the brave fight in Kamala’s honor. Somehow, Ms. Marvel is nowhere…but also everywhere at once! Absent but not forgotten, Ms. Marvel has forged a heroic legacy to be proud of. But when an old enemy re-emerges, will anyone be powerful enough to truly carry the Ms. Marvel legacy – except Kamala herself?

COLLECTING: MS. MARVEL 25-30

This was another birthday gift from my parents, who are totally awesome, and know that I love this series. I’ve already devoured this, and really enjoyed it.

The Ancient Magus Bride: volume 4 – by

“I am not alone.”

Chise has been summonsed to the Dragon Aerie to begin crafting her very own wand, but her journey has more to offer than she had anticipated: magical wonders, enlightening visions, and perhaps most importantly, insight into Elias’ past and the secrets he has been reluctant to reveal about himself.

Yet while Chise finds some answers about the inhuman mage’s history, mysterious beings are displaying an unexpected interest in Chise herself.

I love this manga series, it’s definitely one of my favourites. So I was thrilled to receive the fourth volume for my birthday, especially since I’d been having trouble tracking it down. I’ve already read, and really enjoyed this.

Giant Days: volumes 4 & 5

Going off to university is always a time of change and growth, but for Esther, Susan, and Daisy, things are about to get a little weird.

My Auntie picked these out for me off my wish-list because she liked the look of them, and I am thrilled that she did. I’d been really looking forward to continuing on with this series, and naturally dived right on them. I’ve already read and really enjoyed both volumes, this series is always a fun time!

So, this haul is kind of big, and more than a little bit late, but I can’t put in to words just how grateful and lucky I feel to have been given so many wonderful books this year. I feel so inspired and motivated to read right now, and I’m looking forward to getting to some of these next month.

Have you read any of the books I’ve hauled recently? What did you think of them? I’d love to hear from you in the comments! 

Want to chat, about books or anything else, here are some other places you can find me:

Twitter @reading_escape

Instagram: @readingsanctuary

Goodreads

Tumblr

August Book Haul I was so good this month when it came to book buying, in that I actually didn't buy any!

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1155

Monday, March 13, 2017

 I wonder how many workers screw up daylight savings time and are an hour late today? I hate being late for anything. I'm so obsessively early that it's annoying but I am reliable.

 I cannot wait for it to get warm outside again. These cold snaps are getting to me more as I grow older. My mitochondria don't seem to functioning as well to keep me warm. The physiological changes of aging suck. I just might have to start wearing long johns with the flap in the back.

 Man-Thing #1 - R. L. Stine (writer) German Peralta (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This new book certainly has a nostalgic feel to it as it harkens back to the horror comics of the 1980s. I was expecting the usual shtick of "whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing's touch" but the swamp creature can talk now? I didn't see that coming. Doctor Ted Sallis regained his consciousness and speech (when did that happen?) but not his human body so he tries to make it as an actor. Yes, it was a "what the?" moment. I like seeing new takes on old characters but this one didn't work for me. There's a nifty little back-up story by R. L. Stine (writer) Daniel Johnson (art) Mat Lopes (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters) that was more entertaining than the creature feature. Too bad they didn't call this book Adventures Into Fear. That might have made us older fans less critical.

 Detective Comics #952 - James Tynion IV (writer) Christian Duce & Fernando Blanco (art) Alex Sinclair, John Rauch & Allen Passalaqua (colours) Sal Cipriano (letters). Part 2 of "League of Shadows" has Lady Shiva creating chaos in Gotham City and putting the Bat team down a few members. I don't know if the new piece of personal info about Orphan was common knowledge but it sure shocked me.

 Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys #1 - Anthony Del Col (writer) Werther Dell'Edera (art) Stefano Simeone (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). "The Big Lie" is a murder mystery worthy of these iconic teenage sleuths and mature readers, many who may have read their adventures when they were younger. I never did so I am seeing these characters with fresh eyes. I get the feeling that this is similar to how the Archie gang has been updated and I like what they're doing over at Archie so I am sticking with this new version of Nancy, Frank and Joe.

 Jessica Jones #6 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Michael Gaydos (art) Matt Hollingsworth (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). One mystery solved, another to go. But first Jess has to square things with Luke. This was a very satisfying end to the first story arc.

 Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #16 - Robert Venditti (writer) Rafa Sandoval (pencils) Jordi Tarragona (inks) Tomeu Morey (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). What a fantastic fight that Guy Gardner has. I had Marvin Hamlisch's "The Entertainer" going in my head after reading Jessica Jones #6 because it reminded me of The Sting. Now I have the theme from Rocky stuck in my head. The art this issue was so very nice.

 Josie and the Pussycats #5 - Marguerite Bennett & Cameron Deordio (writers) Audrey Mok (art) Kelly Fitzpatrick (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). Loved the cover by Asami Matsumura. Women sure talk about relationships a whole lot more than guys do.

 All-New Wolverine #18 - Tom Taylor (writer) Nik Virella (art) Michael Garland (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). So that problem's solved. Laura figures out a way to get out from under Kimura's thumb. I hear the Logan movie didn't suck. I'm glad they introduced Laura/X-23 in that movie. I wish all the folks that went to see it would give this comic book a try. I've liked it since it started.

 Wonder Woman #18 - Greg Rucka (writer) Bilquis Evely (pencils) Scott Hanna (inks) Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). Part 2 of "Godwatch" explains why Cheetah hates Diana. Friendships play a very important part in this story.

 Lady Killer 2 #4 - Joelle Jones (writer & artist) Michelle Madsen (colours) Crank! (letters). Josie and her husband find themselves in tight spots at work and I'm sure the clamps will get tighter in next issue's conclusion of this second story arc. There are a very few artists that write their own stuff that I really like and Joelle is one of them.

 Old Man Logan #19 - Jeff Lemire (writer) Filipe Andrade (art) Jordan Boyd (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This is Jeff's last story on this book. I'm going to miss him. He has made Logan interesting again. Jeff is setting it up for Logan to go back to the Wastelands to maybe change the fate of the place that he came from. We'll see if Logan actually makes it there next issue.

 Spider-Man/Deadpool #15 - Joshua Corin (writer) Scott Koblish (art) Nick Filardi (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I wasn't going to read this issue because it's part of the "'Til Death Do Us…" crossover story where Deadpool fights with his demon wife Shiklah, but I'm glad I did. Josh threw in a few good pop culture references that made me smirk. Nothing laugh out loud funny but enough to make me have a good time reading. That's all I ask from a comic book. This means that I will read issue #16 too and I might even pick up Deadpool and the Mercs for Money #9 and #10 to read the other parts.

 Star Wars Doctor Aphra #5 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Kev Walker (pencils) Marc Deering (inks) Antonio Fabela (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Aphra and her father find what they're looking for and it's her dad's archaeological dream come true. That dream may turn out to be a nightmare though. It's another exciting cliffhanger that makes you want to read the next issue as soon as it hits the racks on April 12.

 Inhumans vs. X-Men 6 - Jeff Lemire & Charles Soule (writers) Leinil Francis Yu (pencils) Leinil Francis Yu & Gerry Alanguilan (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). That's all they wrote folks. The threat to mutants by the Terrigen cloud is neutralized at last. Inhumans and X-Men don't suffer any great losses. Some characters change and that's what I expected from this great big war. Let's not have another one for a while okay?

 Kingpin #2 - Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Ben Torres (art) Jordan Boyd (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This story is more about the writer that Wilson wants to hire than it is about the big Fisker. I love this version of the Kingpin though. Ben has modeled him after John Romita Sr. and Frank Miller's massive, powerful interpretations. The last few pages made me decide to continue reading.