#I’m so excited to carry this on

[mrsaltieri-real]

His Perfect Victim (Mickey Altieri x OC!Dahlia Levine)

Chapter Twelve: Plaything (Mickey’s POV)

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: language, mentions of sex, mention of Mickey’s murder and backstory, conflicted feelings, talk of murdering Dahlia, deception, betrayal, threatening, Nancy Loomis being a cunt, etc.

A/N: we’re getting into the nitty gritty of it all, the pace is going to be picked up after this. Expect smut, angst, fucking feelings and everything in between. Writing from Mickey’s POV is so much fun, especially when he’s so torn and confused about his own feelings and actions. Who knows how this is going to turn out? I know, @bisexual-horror-fan who has once again helped me by beta reading and editing this knows. Thank you again, you absolute fucking star!

Tag: @lizey-thornberry

Dahlia was fun to play with, at least initially, but watching how worked up and upset she’d get every time her phone would buzz, how she’d jump at the sound and the flash of fear that took over her features was beginning to concern me, something I’d never expected to feel. Maybe I cared about her more than I wanted to admit, maybe Nancy’s relentless phone calls to her were messing with her head too much, and it bothered me enough to mimic the feeling of worry, at least part of me hopes it is mimicking it, as opposed to me actually worrying. Either way, it had to stop.

I looked down at Dahlia, fast asleep with her lips slightly parted, her dark curls framing her pretty face, and I sighed, rubbing a hand through my hair and down my face. I pushed myself up slowly and carefully from beside her, trying my best not to jostle her awake.

It was easy to pretend to care about people that I felt absolutely no connection with, Sidney, Randy, Derek and Hallie, it was a lot more difficult to pretend like I didn’t care about her when she’d somehow managed to find her way underneath my skin.

My phone buzzed quietly from her bedside table and I picked it up quickly, seeing the name printed across the screen; Bankroller.

I didn’t bother throwing anything on other than my sweats before leaving her room as quietly as I could to take the call, already feeling the anger building in my chest as I pressed the phone to my ear and hissed out, “Nancy, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Nancy Loomis scoffed at me down the phone, I could picture her snooty eye roll as she exclaimed, “Well, good morning to you too, Mickey. You’re late. We were supposed to meet an hour ago.”

“I’ve been busy.” I snapped, immediately hushing my voice as soon as it raised, “But you already knew that. Why are you calling her?”

I heard Nancy sigh before she said, “We’ll discuss this when I see you. You know where to go. Don’t keep me waiting,” before the line went dead, and I heard the dull hum of the dial tone.

Fucking bitch.

I gripped the phone tighter, pulling it down to my side as I let out a sharp breath, glancing back at the door and hesitating for a moment, eyeing the door knob.

The plan was in place, it had been for a while, I wasn’t having any doubts about it, about my motive. I knew what I had to do, what I wanted to do, but Nancy was already beginning to cross a line.

They were mine to torment as I saw fit. It has been made explicitly clear that I do what I have to do, get as close to the three of them as I possibly can, learn everything about them, their routines, habits, down to their favourite kind of drinks. It was fine with Randy and Sidney, fine with Derek and Hallie. But I’d found myself beginning to feel something for Dahlia.

Do I care about her? Probably. Do I care enough about her to stop what’s to come?

Fuck no.

I pushed the door back open, trying to be as quiet as possible as I stepped in, beginning to pull my clothes on, eyes fixed on her sleeping form. She’d rolled over onto her side, arms curled around her pillow with her face buried in mine. She looked so peaceful, her face was perfectly smooth, and her full lips had turned up into a small smile.

It was hard not to take pride in the fact that I’d made her this way, gradually snipped away at the deadbeat, emotionless shell of a person she used to be and dragged out this version of her, so endearing and warm and soft. Once dressed, I leaned down and brushed some of her hair from her face, pressing my lips softly to her forehead in hopes I would not wake her up. She always smelt amazing, like vanilla and coconut, it’s something that I’d found myself getting used to and missed when she wasn’t around.

What the fuck was going on with me?

Maybe it was selfish of me to have wanted to test this out in the first place, see how far I could get with her. But the plan remained the same, Dahlia was going to die alongside Sidney, alongside her precious Randy. But what if that wasn’t in the cards, for her, anyway?

I thought about it as I walked off campus once I’d left her dorm, thought about all of it. Maybe she didn’t have to die. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to die. Perhaps the sole reason she’s still alive was an act of fate. She had died back in Woodsboro, but she’d come back, and something about that had been sticking in my brain like crazy for the last few months. Who the hell was I to test and play fate like that? She was obviously still here for a reason.

Was I the reason? Was I supposed to meet this girl, find her and make her a part of my life, heal her, make her feel something for me, make her feel things again in general? Would killing her be a monumental mistake? The last thing I wanted to do was give a great big fuck you to the universe. I had my own reasons for being here, she must have one too.

Nancy was sitting in the regular coffee shop a couple of miles off campus, just outside of town, her head bent over a notebook she was scribbling in erratically, clearly planning out the next move. I couldn’t help but wonder her future intentions with Dahlia as I cleared my throat once I reached the table, eyebrows raised expectantly.

She looked up at me, brown eyes blank as she raised a hand, gesturing to the chair in front of her with a simple, “Sit down, Mickey.”

With a roll of my eyes, I sat, thumping my hands against the table and drumming my fingers against the wood, staring her down just as she was to me, dropping the notebook in front of her.

“So?” I asked after a few moments of increasingly uncomfortable silence, “Why are you bothering her so much?”

Nancy’s hands clasped together as she leaned forward to speak in a hushed tone to me, “The question is, why do you care? Look, Mickey, I understand that you are getting frustrated with the waiting, that you want to go ahead and begin all this, but this girl is distracting you. You’re supposed to be getting closer to Sidney, but it would seem as though you’re wasting your precious time with Dahlia.” She spat out her name as though the taste of it disgusted her and picked up her cup, taking a sip of coffee. I felt a twinge of anger flicker in my stomach and frowned, my fingers halting the drumming motion to dig into the table.

“Why are you calling her, Nancy? It isn’t time-“

“I am the one who makes these decisions. Not you.” Her tone was firm, as though I was a child, and she was a parent, disciplining me. I couldn’t help but laugh a little, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms as I called her out, “Who are you, my mother? I don’t take orders from you. I’m doing this because I want to. Don’t forget, you need me a whole lot more than I need you. You sought me out, not the other way around.”

Her cockiness wavered for a moment before she sucked in a sharp breath, her hand moving to press against her temples as though the conversation was exhausting her.

So dramatic.

“I’m calling her because this was always part of the plan. She’s part of the reason my son is dead, Mickey. My son, my Billy, stabbed her, Sidney caught him off guard, and now he’s gone. You always knew you’d have to kill her, why does it matter if I’m doing this?”

“Because it’s not fucking time.” My voice raised a little, I noticed her recoil slightly at my tone and her hand dropped back to the table, her head tilting a little before her eyes widened in sudden realization.

“Mickey, don’t tell me you’ve come to care for this girl?”

I scoffed again, head falling back with a loud groan, before I looked at her dead on with a hissed, “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s my plaything, you told me to keep myself entertained, that’s exactly what I’m doing. So, leave her alone.”

“No.”

I scowled at her, feeling the anger bubbling in my chest once again. “I’m warning you-“

“No, I’m warning you. I might need you more than you need me, but remember, I can pull the plug on this. I know your past, I know what you’ve fucking done. Those people in your hometown, what you did to your family? I have the receipts of our conversations. I can turn you in, Mickey. Don’t think for a fucking second that I won’t if you don’t get back on board.”

I watched her face for a second, trying to find a bluff in her little speech. I couldn’t, and she knew it. A smug smile lit up her pinched face, and she said softly, “Don’t think you're not replaceable. You are. Get back to being the killer I’m paying you to be.”

I pushed away from the table shortly after that, stepping toward her, so I could bend down to whisper into her ear, “Leave her alone. I’ll kill her, but she’s mine, Nancy. I mean it.” Before turning my back on her and leaving the café, feeling her beady eyes glued to my back as I walked out the door.

Being bossed around like I was a child was beginning to piss me off, I wasn’t her son and I didn’t appreciate her treating me like I was.

Maybe I cared about Dahlia more than I wanted to let on. I knew I was suppressing these feelings, not wanting them to take a hold of me. But saying the words, “I’ll kill her,” out loud sent something unfamiliar and uncomfortable through my chest, something I hadn’t felt before.

I have killed a lot of people. It’s fun, adrenaline induced and manic. Nothing compares to holding someone’s life in your hands and being the one to snatch it away, the sight of watching the light of life leaving someone’s eyes. I always thought of myself as unfeeling, uncaring. I didn’t care about absolutely anyone, but maybe I cared more about her more than I cared about that.

But did that mean I wasn’t going to do this? Absolutely not. Maybe to some extent Nancy was right, I had allowed Dahlia to distract me. I did need to get my focus back on the task at hand, but I didn’t want to stop playing with her, see how far I could take things with her.

It’s all about balance, after all.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket and I grabbed it quickly, expecting to see Dahlia’s name printed across the screen. It took me by surprise to see Randy’s and I halted in the street, pausing in hesitation for just a moment before my thumb pressed on the green button and I spoke into the phone, “Yeah?”

“Mickey, hi. Um, I was wondering if we could talk? It’s about Dahlia.”

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked sharply, turning around to look back at the café.

“No, no, nothing! I just need to talk to you about her, can you meet me outside the library?” Randy spoke quickly, the clear backtrack of his previous words evident, and I let out a small sigh before agreeing to meet him.

It’s not that I hated Randy, as a matter of fact I didn’t really care much about any of them. I’m not a jealous person, I just can’t wrap my head around why Dahlia cares about him as much as she does and needs him as a part of her life so much.

Initially I thought he wanted to fuck her, who wouldn’t? Even before when she was practically a zombie, she was still one of the most beautiful and endearing things I’d ever seen, it was hard to imagine anyone not wanting her. But maybe I was wrong, maybe it really was entirely platonic. Either way, I already hated that she needed anyone else other than me in order to feel whole. I was the one who had fixed her, not fucking Meeks.

As soon as I was back on campus, I walked slowly toward the library, seeing Randy sat perched on the wall, his feet dangling as he sat and waited for me. His head was leaning against the brick as he stared dimly into space, jumping when he suddenly heard my voice, “Okay, Randy. What’s up?“

Randy turned himself around, so he was facing me, a nervous look evident on his face. I couldn’t help but feel a little amused by his anxiety. Was I that intimidating to him? I wasn’t even trying.

“Mickey, I, uh…” He kept trailing off, eyes dropping to his hands and back up to my face every so often, until I finally lost patience and asked him to, “Fucking spit it out.”

“Okay… Look, Dahlia is my best friend, she always has been. I know her better than anyone, and I know she really does care about you for some reason.”

I couldn’t help the small smile that broke across my face when he said that, you had to admire the balls on the kid.

“I promised her that I’d try and get along with you, even though I really don’t know what she sees in you.” I could visibly see the confidence he had in his own words, it was oddly kind of sweet, in a pathetic sort of way.

“I just want to ask you for one thing, please don’t fuck her over, Mickey. She’s been through enough, and I don’t want to see her fall apart again.”

My smile immediately fell, and I frowned at Randy, head tilting to the side as I asked, “You think I would?”

“No, I know you would. I’ve known you longer than she has, I saw how you are with girls. Dahlia is a sweetheart, but sometimes she’s really fucking oblivious to when someone has bad intentions.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I finally clicked onto what this talk was about, actually having to lean against the wall for support as I managed to get out the words, “Oh, for fuck's sake, Meeks. Is this that if you hurt her, you’ll have me to deal with speech? For God’s sake, man.”

Randy’s face flushed slightly, clearly not liking that this was my reaction to his pitiful attempt of intimidation.

“I’m serious, Mickey.”

“So am I. Come on, Randy. You really think I’m going to fuck her and dump her? I thought we were closer than that by now.”

It was Randy’s turn to scoff at me, and I thought for a second that I really had to do some more work on getting him to like me. Not for any other reason that to make him actually fucking trust me.

“I’m not going to hurt her.” I made sure my tone sounded as genuine as possible, watching as Randy jumped down from the wall and stood in front of me, about as intimidating as a fucking kitten.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Her voice made even me jump, fuck, she was stealthy. I turned around and looked at her, ignoring the slight flutter in my heart as she stopped next to me and I felt the warm, smooth skin of her arm brush against mine.

“Just… Doing what you wanted. Getting along.” Randy’s voice was practically dripping with sarcasm and I don’t know if she noticed and chose to ignore it, but Dahlia smiled so big I thought her face might split. I felt her hand slide into mine, squeezing it gently as if saying thank you before looking at Randy and asking, “Hey, Randy. Are you ready?” To which he nodded his head, eyes dragging away from me and settling on her, expression immediately smoothing out to an obvious affection.

“Ready for what?” I asked her, looking down at her curiously.

“We’re hanging out, it’s obviously been a while.” Randy said, his tone very obviously targeted. Dahlia shot him a look, and he smiled as if in apology.

“No, you’re right. It's been a while since the two of you have hung out, you should.” I told her, my free hand reaching to push a strand of her hair behind her ear before tilting her head up by her chin with my fingers. “I’ve got a lot I need to get done tonight anyway.”

Dahlia smiled at me, that fucking smile that made my stomach flutter and reached up on her toes to press her lips softly against mine, her scent automatically making me unconsciously melt into her.

She really did have some kind of weird hold on me. No matter how much I tried to suppress these feelings, they’d constantly bubble up to the surface. It was unfamiliar, but not necessarily unwelcome. I never thought I’d end up caring even slightly about her, certainly not surpassing my initial fascination with her built-up purely out of boredom and morbid curiosity. I tried to tell myself I was feeling this way because I wasn’t killing, I didn’t have anything to do. Maybe it was true, maybe it wasn’t. But I knew I’d just enjoy whatever I was feeling until I inevitably grew bored with her.

“Can I come by your dorm after?” She asked once she pulled away, and I nodded immediately, eyes briefly flickering to Randy who was uninterested by the entire interaction, focused on his phone before I focused back on her.

“Of course, I’ll be waiting.” I confirmed, letting go of her hand in favour of cupping her face, pulling her back to me, so I could kiss her again. It was like I physically couldn’t stop myself from touching her, it was an unconscious reflex.

I felt her breath hitch, felt her heartbeat drumming against my own chest as her fingers gripped my shirt tightly. If I could have, I would have fucked her there and then, in front of Randy, in front of half the student body. I wanted to. To prove that she was mine, whether she was just my plaything or not. But I didn’t, regardless of the fact that I wanted to, I wanted to wait. Instead, I let her go, watching as she and Randy began to walk away toward the exit of the campus.

As I watched Dahlia walk away, her head falling back and hearing her laugh loudly at something Randy had said, playfully pushing at his shoulder, my mind raced back to how I felt about her. I’d dated girls before. A lot. I knew I had a reputation, it never bothered me, and it still didn’t. But serious relationships? I’d only been in one before. Lexi.

Lexi was a girl I’d dated back in my hometown during my final year of high school. She was the opposite of Dahlia, Latina with thick black hair and a confidence that was almost overwhelming, but beautiful. Not as beautiful as Dahlia, but stunning all the same. We’d ended things on bad terms after a particularly awful argument after sex. I did and said some things that any ordinary person would see as just awful, to me, it was pretty regular and mundane. She’d told me, all dramatic, that she’d make sure no girl ever went through what I’d put her through. I hadn’t thought about Lexi in a while, but for some reason, the fight we’d had the last time I’d seen her kept poking and prodding around the corners of my mind.

I didn’t love Lexi. Thinking back, I don’t think I ever cared about her at all. As I watched Dahlia slowly disappear, my mind shifted back to her and I realized I’d never want to treat her the way I treated Lexi, but what if I simply couldn’t help myself? I didn’t care about anyone, why was this girl that was just supposed to be someone I could use to entertain myself having such an effect on me?

Once they were out of sight, I shook my head out, sinking against the steps of the library and resting my head against the cool brick.

I thought about what Nancy had said about Dahlia distracting me. I really didn’t want to be off my game. Would the bitch really turn me in? I didn’t want to be caught until I was damn good and ready, but even now I couldn’t help the one nagging thought that repeatedly began swirling through my mind.

When I went through with this, after they were all dead, if I didn’t end up going through with killing Dahlia, would she ever forgive me?

[spitedemon]

i really don’t think it’s “typical dragon age fandom nonsense” for people to be genuinely upset about the world state choices. combat, level design, art direction, gameplay gimmicks, those have all varied across each dragon age game. the one thing that’s remained constant are nods to our previous choices.

i wasn’t expecting my HoF to come riding in on a griffon, but i can’t find a monument dedicated to warden tabris somewhere around the anderfels? lucanis couldn’t have some lines about the time that one arainai boy was stirring up trouble in antiva city? you’re gonna tell me that making a mage the new divine wouldn’t have some impact on nevarra and antiva? on the anderfels, the supposed most devout militant andrastian nation in thedas? you’re saying nobody in the north is paying attention to who rules orlais or ferelden? come on.

[timethehobo]

Rook left him their lil cape.

[kingkatsuki]

You know Bakugou has an entire collection of All Might figures, but imagine the first time as a Pro-Hero that he sees one of himself. Maybe it’s in an arcade or a shop window, and he just knows he has to have it.

So he ends up bringing it home and placing it beside his favourite hero on his All Might shelf, because it’s a sign he’s finally achieving his dreams.

[courageofliving]

Tag yourself (especially you, Austin phannies)

[thebookworm0001]

I always assumed that we’d have very little in the way of carry over from previous games’ choices - it sounded like they were planning on something of a soft reboot of the series with the 10-year time jump, and the devs have been vocal about how difficult it is to implement diverging world states

but damn if I didn’t get a little excited about the possibilities when they said the inquisitor and morrigan were coming back

I’ll still enjoy the game

gonna let myself be disappointed for a minute though

[nugulover69]

The thing I’m most looking forward to as Gavv airs is the inevitable factions that are gonna sprout up centered around a person’s Stomach sibling of choice. this family is gonna cast a wide net that will ensnare many different types of perverts get hyped

[revlischarm]

Luffy: That meat is probably poisonous, Zoro!

Luffy: *proceeds to then eat said meat*

[vampireonastick]

I’m so glad they adapted Untold Origins. It makes the most sense for the season, and though it cuts into the episode count and leaves less to be adapted from the main arc, I think it provides some needed character development and emotional moments considering the DoA arc is very fast paced and action based.

Of course Yosano’s backstory will hit these emotional beats as well, but considering how prominent Ranpo is in this arc, it’s only fitting his backstory should be shown too.

Also I love the way they played with grey scale and colour in this episode. Along with the small details, like the Port Mafia buildings still being built

[wexhappyxfew]

hi friends!! i just reblogged three sets of prompts that i will happily take writing prompts for!!! this can be for any silver bullets mota girl x a canon character of choice or anything of the sort!! please feel free to send whatever and how many ever prompts you want, in! i’m more than happy to write and get some new ideas flowing!!! :)

links:

1st Prompt List - Touch

2nd Prompt List - OTP

3rd Prompt List - Subtle Love

thank you again!!!!

[gaytobymeres]

York train station, a cold November Sunday 2023

Taken on Rollei 35S on Ilford HP5 film

[fenny-self-ships]

GUYS MY BEST FRIEND MADE ME A LITTLE POUCH!! LOOK AT IT LOOK AT IT-

It has all of our INITIALS on it and our little SYMBOLS and I filled it with COINS just like they would have wanted 🥰🥰 this is now one of the greatest things I own

The lovely lady who made it for me just made a selfship blog by the way!! My darling Ada is @kurooscopy if any of y’all wanna check her out 😈😈 she is super cool and a very talented writer thank you Adaline for making my whole week

[corrodedcoughin]

okay so your trans art binge-reblog spree yesterday kinda synced up with me having Intense Gender Feels so please allow me the liberty of gently knocking at your inbox again bc I feel a mighty need to unleash some trans!Eddie headcanons on you >.>

imagine the sheer emancipation of Eddie growing out his hair again after he had cut it short when first moving in with Wayne but this time long hair feels different and so, so much freeing bc it's no longer a stupid social expectation rooted in sth that isn't even true about him but instead a personal choice, one deeply connected with the music that comforts and inspires him like nothing else

imagine the freedom of him first realizing he's trans and how things — maybe not all things but at least some of them — suddenly fell into place from just knowing who he is, even if back then he had no opportunity and no safe place to as much as think about trying to socially transition. just feeling like his authentic self for once, without the weight of others' preconceptions about all the arbitrary ways he's supposed to be. he might've been unable to tell anyone at that time but simply having that knowledge to himself was liberating from the years of having felt like there's sth wrong with him. liberating bc now he knew for a fact that there wasn't. how can this be wrong if it made him feel like himself for the first time maybe ever?

imagine him hesitantly knocking on his uncle's door in the middle of the night when he had no choice but to run away from home. imagine the surprise on Wayne's face and all the unyielding unquestioning trust and comfort he's got for him, so thorough and genuine that it only takes him a few days to come out despite the fear. and then Wayne's silence breaks into a question of what name his nephew would like to called then. the words startling soon-to-be-Eddie into a impulsive hug, which is returned with utmost care and with quiet thinking-out-loud rambling of whether Wayne's got any clothes that would fit his nephew and that he would feel comfortable in

imagine the joy when Eddie gets a fake ID from Reefer Rick one day

imagine him making friends with the rest of Corroded Coffin guys and, when he gathers the courage and trust to come out, being met with support, ranging from confusion and a promise to eventually get how any of it works and to respect Eddie's pronouns etc, to deep understanding that hardly needs words bc you know you're being seen for who you actually are

imagine Eddie working on his voice and ending up achieving some success partly thanks to singing along to his favorite songs and trying to learn harsh metal vocals and at first scaring everyone around by going over the top with them until he figures out ways to train his voice to be more masculine sounding without resorting to that kind of harshness (and developing multiple fun vocal stims on the way)

imagine Eddie getting together with Steve and as a bonus gaining the perfect person to get advice from when it comes to figuring out a workout routine for his purposes

imagine the relief of knowing there are multiple people who you can be your authentic self with and who love you for this and would never change a single thing about what makes you yourself

oof well, I kinda carried away "a bit" (meanwhile the Feels have only intensified further whoops) and these are in no particular order but I really hope you'll like this humble offering. have a restful fulfilling weekend💜

LIAM!!!! LIAM!!!!! I am always ready for transing the narrative (been in some gender struggles too so let’s be in this together 🤝) I’m going to be running commentary replying so if it’s incoherent or accidentally cover something said later I’m sorry!!

- the hair!! YES!!! I feel like he had long hair before and felt pushed into have short hair in order to be taken seriously in his identity but what he always really wanted to be was ‘just a boy with long hair’ and the more it grows the happier he gets becuase THIS!! THIS!!! Is who he feels like he should have always been!!! This feel RIGHT! When it gets past the length of being ‘acceptable’ for a boy and starts brushing his shoulders he hasn’t never felt more strongly that he is Right. That this is Who He Is, this is Eddie Munson and Eddie Munson is a societal expectation-dodging BOY

- THE ACCEPTANCE AND REALISATION!!! What if he was going around as a child saying kid stuff like ‘when will I grow a beard?’ And being hushed by his elders (before Wayne). Going along with what was given to him, be it toys or clothes because his family didn’t have a lot so he’s not going to ask for more but knowing that they didn’t feel right. That he was performing a character for these people and hoping it would be enough for them, for himself. It’s not, something still feels wrong and he can’t figure out. But then, then he gets the keys to the kingdom, he moves in with Wayne and Wayne gives him some money and sets him loose in the thrift shop. At the start he sifts through the girl’s rails but all of the sizes are wrong for him. So wayne just suggests the boys racks because hey it’s just T-shirts and we need to get you stuff that fits. He guides eddie to the plain T-shirts, not thinking much of it. Not thinking it’ll be a Realisation in the young mind of his nephew. Eddie goes home with 2 boys T-shirts that day and from then on gravitates to exclusively wearing them. Next thrift shop visit eddie makes a beeline to the boys section and doesn’t look back.

- AHHH WAYNE AND COMING OUT I LOVE YOUR VERSION!!! What about Wayne passing a couple of shirts on to Eddie? A hat too? And a belt because god knows Eddie’s buying the jeans that hide his hips and needs something to hold them up. Wayne starts calling eddie ‘son’ and ‘boy’. Every time it’s like Christmas lights have been turned on behind his eyes. He feels dizzy with it, can’t contain himself, has to clench his fists to stop himself from shaking becuase this? This feels right. It fees Correct and knowing Wayne is here with him is the ballast he needs to secure himself on this unpredictable ride.

-CORRODED COFFIN SAYING ITS SO METAL OF HIM. (I personally also hc Gareth as trans so I like to think that Jeff and Freak are always ready to be Boys and show them Boy Stuff. Like alongside band practice they had Boy Practice at the start and now they can burp the alphabet in harmony and can armpit fart guitar solos and play fight and are just GOOFY)

- eddie going to a gig or band practice and then the next morning waking up with a slightly wrecked voice that he /loves/. He surreptitiously tries to maintain it, shouting lyrics in his room and just screaming sometimes but it starts to get painful and he accepts he has to find a different way. He listens to the radio with Wayne, asks to go with him when Wayne’s work friends plan a couple of drinks in one of their yards. Eddie gets to go to a couple, gets to listen to Wayne’s country and rock radio stations. Gets to hear these men talking and tries out phrases he hears when he’s on his own, records them on a tape deck he found in the thrift by luck one day. Records and re-records until he gets it right. Until he can prank call principle Higgins and get shouted at down the phone ‘I’ll find out who your father is boy! He’ll have your hide!’ The peak is when he goes into scoops and gets everything he wanted ‘hey man, how’s it going?’ From the offensively cute sailor with the big hands and strawberry sweet smile

- WORKOUT SUPPORT STEVE. YES. YES ABSOLUTELY!!! Steve showing him that he can’t just hit upper body every day, that he has to get everywhere. That he needs to make his core thicker if he wants that boy look. That working on his quads and calves will help, he promises it won’t leave him a big butt and tiny waist. (Not unless he wants Steve’s routine, that boy is going to work on his ass-ets okay?) eddie doing his first full push up with Proper Form and feeling the muscles in his back move and thinks yes. This is Good. God knows he’s not great at sticking to it but when it serves a purpose and it means he gets to ogle his boyfriend? Kind of a win win

- TBE LAST POINT!!! Yes!!! Eddie living in subconscious fear for so long that he pushes the very notion of being a Boy down. so far Down and Away that he won’t ever let it see the light of day. Or so he thinks. He tells himself that he is fine, that this is fine. But it isn’t and he doesn’t know what feels wrong. Until it slowly starts to change at a glacial speed. He tries different things. Starting only in his room, makes jokes that he thinks he can get away with in front of Wayne. Pushes it further, does more Boy things with corroded coffin. Sees that it’s okay? They are okay with it? With how he is? Sees that Wayne just nods at him and doesn’t make a fuss? That Wayne’s friends don’t bay an eye somehow? (Sure some guys at work do, but Wayne makes sure they know where their opinions aren’t wanted. That Wayne and his group aren’t to be taken lightly on the topic of Wayne’s nephew)

Eddie experiencing so much acceptance and love and there being so venom in it. No ‘waiting’ for it all to pass and Eddie to go back to ‘normal’. Eddies never been normal and that’s a badge he starts to wear with pride. With defiance. Knowing that he has everyone he could ever need how could be not?

[twitchstoleyourbagel]

Small sneak peek at my L.O.V.E animatic for @tapakah0 ! I just broke the 12 hour mark for working on this and I’m just a little over halfway done? Maybe? We’ll see with the new updates 😂

The song is Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men

[put-a-banana-inyourear]

I just bought a book accurate Carrie t-shirt and I am flipping the fuck out

[shatterthefragments]

Tattoo day 💖

(A tale of hope, wonder, happiness, and the existential horror(?) of having ink beneath one’s skin, though vastly overshadowed by the elation in having such beautiful pieces of art adorning my body.)

(Hitting post!!! As always: Feel free to reply and chat etc etc I am DELIGHTED!!)

So it was a weird day because I left later than I had initially wanted to.

My plan of wanting to go relax in my favourite gardens beforehand was a bit foiled by the need to sleep (I went to an event the evening before and despite trying to get my laundry done and my bag packed uhhh it was still midnight before I sort of made it to bed so I decided to take a later trip instead)

But I passed by my favourite island on the way and the weather was absolutely beautiful!!!

The sparkles on the ocean are like?!? Maybe all is good in the world if it can sparkle like this? 💖✨

My note from the ride is:

The world glitters

(I am by the ocean on a sunny day)

But it’s ok that I didn’t get my garden time. I still managed to get a monthly special croissant from a bakery I really like to stick in my bag before getting sushi across the street from the tattoo shop and then heading over 💖

I uh. Should’ve eaten more earlier in the day but oh well. My artist told me to take Advil before to reduce swelling so I did (and my friend said I didn’t bleed very much at all which was nice esp bc I had mixed advice on the Advil beforehand) but I also took Tylenol bc I had a headache (it’s. been a fairly bad pain week in both head and body honestly so I’m just happy that my hips and legs were ok to walk bc there isn’t really another option in the city unless I want to pay ridiculous amounts of money AND still have to walk)

(I did accidentally kick a syringe while walking to the bus but there was no needle and I wear closed toe shoes and I am still alive so I’m assuming I’m ok tbh. Even though I was kinda trying to watch where I’m going I’m maybe just. Not *that* city savvy)

One of my absolute best friends who lives sort of in the area joined me for the whole thing 🥰💖

She approved the Vibes of the shop (and truly it was so nice to have her there as support) (also all three of us being not neurotypical was very nice as well) though was quite worried about the amount of shading that was on the art piece I got 😬 but bc it wasn’t a HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU THINKING moment she held off until after so I didn’t get scared of that 🫂

We did the text piece first and a few parts of the outline hurt a bit more than I was expecting based on the “small little line” that my Artist started each section out with first (which was very kind of them bc I had no idea what to expect) but strangely enough the filling in of the text outline was perfectly fine.

And then for my arm piece I chose to lay on my stomach (maybe I should’ve had a pillow or something to lay on as well?) bc it’s WAY more comfy for me than to lay on my side as was suggested but I just was not comfortable 😬 though my left arm kinda kept falling asleep a bit so I had to readjust sometimes to have it not fall asleep.

The shading. Uh. Definitely was “ok this is fine oh Ouch” each pass but it was ok. I’m most comfortable on my stomach and until it was like getting a bit bad and I wanted to talk as a distraction I was actually kinda thinking that maybe I could fall asleep?

Unfortunately there was a very sudden wave of nausea when we were almost done this one and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. It’s ok. But swallowing back down the acid definitely fucked up my throat through the next day.

So I had a break and slowly sipped on the juice box I brought and held hands with my friend (“you’re almost there and not the fake almost there like you’re actually nearly done”) and then we continued in a seated position instead (which. Is fine for the amount that was left but I am very glad that I didn’t have to sit like that for longer than that did.) (anybody that can’t sit normal Knows) (I asked if there was anything I could put my feet on and luckily there was a stool so I could sit more comfortably.)

Then after we went to the pharmacy for aquaphor and a sugary snack for me (I got a chocolate bar)

She had to go back to work but we got to take the bus most of the way together before I switched to the next part of the trip to my aunt’s where I stayed for the night.

And then I got to hang out with my sister and have a bit of a lazy morning (kinda avoiding going home tbh) which was super nice! Coffee and a little breakfast snack before going to get bao (we got a few different kinds - I liked the red bean one best :)) and eating them in the complex’s yard- shifting our position in the yard as the sun moved (I was initially going to be in the shade but it was cold and wet and I Specifically wore a long sleeve for sun protection to protect the new tattoos (I don’t burn easily but that’s not the point). And then the bubble tea place nearby opened so we got bubble tea :) and shared a waffle but I didn’t really want very much I just wanted to try it but then I was hungry by the time I got to the second part of my trip back home which is fine I got food then.

And then I did have to leave to go home if I didn’t want to be too late.

Gosh I always end up sweating when I go up and down one of the big ramps in a glass enclosure so even though I tried to really take it easy to avoid sweating I fear I may have a bit. But I think it should be okay? (I feel like I’m doing okay now a week later)

I made it home around 7 or so? And then had to like. Talk to mum for an hour or so while I was just trying to eat so I could take another Advil before bed which. Is fine. But I was tired all weekend and still am tired (esp given I now have Flesh Wounds to heal which makes me extra eepy) (it makes me smile to say eepy instead rn so I’m gonna)

Every time I look at my arm I smile I’m so happy 💖🥰

And every time since that I think I don’t love myself I just. NO. I love myself so much that I started to adorn myself with art to carry with me at all times.

I love myself so much that I faced my phobia of needles (though it IS much easier when not faced with them individually) in order to get one of the things I’ve wanted inked into me for a long time and another that I was just fully captivated by when I saw that design available (and STILL available when I decided to go for it which I’m super happy about 🥰)

I’m so glad that I did go for it.

I’m so glad I didn’t get caught up in any bullshit of “oh when I lose weight” even though I’ve been about the same size for years. Or get caught up too much in what other people will think of me.

I’m so thankful I was able to get these tattoos 🥰💖

And now I just hope that I’m able to heal well 🥰💖

And all that said. It just feels *right*.

When I look down at my forearm and see one of the things I’ve envisioned there for a long time. When I look in the mirror and see black ink against my skin it feels more like I’m at home in my body. 🥰🥹

It feels right

(Well. Right now it feels itchy. But it feels right 🥰)

it’s FLAKY but ah well.

(As a side note if we’ve talked here I am most likely willing to send you pictures privately)