#I’m so cute how can you not pet me. it’s illegal to not pet me

[jasperyourmutt]

Plllllleasssse please please rub my tummy :(((( look at me I’m soooooo so cute…… whimpering I’m just a lil doggy n no one has pet me you wanna pet me soooooo bad

[yoonmeowzz]

nct 127 ! being domestic

contents: nct 127 members x gn!reader, fluff, slice of life, established relationship, non idol au, use of pet names (babe, darling)

warnings: mentions of food (taeil and taeyong)

a/n: i've been thinking A LOT about johnny and mark and this kind of stuff so... yeah

⠀ ⠀⠀

johnny

even if people don't believe him, he's 6ft tall, so obviously he can reach every high place in the house. he enjoys seeing you trying to get things from the highest shelves but when you decide to give up and look for him, without saying a word he gets up and helps you getting what you wanted. he then feels his chest filled with this warm feeling he can’t explain, he just loves to help you, be there for you when you need him. he usually stays in the kitchen while you’re cooking, even if you told him to rest, just to get things for you.

“johnny…” he looked up from his phone and immediately went to take the bowl you needed.

“there you go, babe”

⠀ ⠀⠀

taeyong

taeyong appreciates every second he spends with you but late night talking is definitely his favorite thing to do with you. some days, he takes some snacks and drinks sneakily from the kitchen before going back to his room, where you are waiting for him with a smile. however, most of the time it’s just you and him hugging each other or simply lying next to each other while you talk about whatever crosses your mind.

“did you know that there was a greek stuttering orator? he’d practice hard every day to be able to speak in public without stuttering.”

“stop, y/n, i’m gonna get emotional”

⠀ ⠀⠀

yuta

on lazy days when neither of you have enough energy to do anything, he asks you to spend the day in bed. you accept without a doubt. y’all just cuddle for a while, maybe he takes a little nap while you’re on your phone. but his favorite part is lying down on your tummy and having your hands playing with his hair. he LOVES the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp, gently twisting each hair strand. eventually he falls asleep to your slow breathing as the only background noise and once he wakes up he’s all clingy and lovely.

“did i already told you how much i love you?”

“you did, yuta, and i love you too. so much”

“i love you more, darling”

⠀ ⠀⠀

doyoung

activities with doyoung are always aesthetically pleasant, so cute coffee dates at home with homemade coffee are something usual now. he takes his time making your coffee look great so you can take pictures to remember this sweet moments with him when you’re away. after having your cups ready y’all just cuddle on the couch covered in cozy blankets and watch a movie or talk about nothing in particular.

“you said you wanted to try caramel macchiato so i tried to make it. if it tastes bad i can give you my cup”

“thank you so much, doyoung”

⠀ ⠀⠀

jaehyun

this man’s music taste is immaculate. you usually spend your lazy time together listening to music together while cuddling on his bed. you’re lying on top of him, your head resting on his chest as you listen to his calm heartbeat and flash by cigarettes after sex at the background. with his hands stroking your back slowly up and down you start dozing off, his arms secured around you.

“sleep tight, y/n” you hear him whisper over the music before finally falling asleep.

⠀ ⠀⠀

jungwoo

he’s kinda a clean freak so you try to keep things neat. however, he doesn’t mind if you leave the living room or bathroom messy cause he prefers cleaning together on weekends since he has lots of fun spending time with you, no matter what y’all are doing. if you’re tiding your shared bedroom he’s going to try on every piece of clothing he finds. sooner or later, your cleaning session becomes a fashion runway.

“check this hoodie, y/n!! do i look good?”

“you look amazing!!”

⠀ ⠀⠀

mark

messy hair mark, wearing his glasses and pajamas should be illegal cause he’s going to be the death of me. when he’s not busy he likes to spend his mornings with you, especially playing the guitar for you. you’re both sitting on his bed, he just plays some accords until you decide what song you want him to play. it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know that particular song, he’d learn it for you. and when he starts singing ever so softly… i’m combusting

“i just wanna live in this moment forever…”

⠀ ⠀⠀

haechan

when he’s free from work he spends his time playing video games. but there’s something about playing mario kart with you that feels different. it may sound stupid, but competing with you or making silly bets like “the loser has to give the winner a kiss” is something really intimate and special for him. he usually is very competitive, but this time he doesn’t mind losing, having you by his side is already a win.

“if you win the tournament i’ll do everything you ask me for a week”

“and if i lose?” you raised an eyebrow.

“you have to love me forever”

⠀ ⠀⠀

[space-noods]

Physical

JJK x Neko! Y/N

“Are pictures normally part of the physical?”

Shoko hummed. “Yeah, it’s to closer compare changes in your body before and after training.” She continued clicking the button on the camera. “You might as well smile and pose since I’m taking so many.”

Looking nervously away from her, you missed the devious smile on her lips. “Wouldn’t that kind of ruin the before and after photo?”

“We can retake the pose in the after pictures too.”

“Right… well do I have to wear this for the photos?”

As the medic in training, it was Shoko’s job to do physicals on all the Jujutsu students. This was nothing new to you. While your clan was a little behind the times, many members were accomplished doctors. As the strongest of your kit, you were closely observed. From your diet to training, everything you did was prescribed by the doctors in the family. So when Shoko approached you about your physical, you really didn’t mind. You were a little confused by how much the higher ups trusted a student to perform as a doctor, but you shrugged that thought off. She wasn’t just any student; she had a reversed cure technique.

In your physicals at home, you were often asked to wear a sports bra and running shorts and nothing more. And when Shoko handed you a bag with clothes you had assumed it was something similar. And sure, the material of the clothes was similar to sportswear. But once you put it on, you noticed there was a big discrepancy between the clothes you expected and the clothes you were wearing.

Instead of a normal sports bra, the cups in this one had little to no support and were more triangular. They barely cover your more sensitive parts and offered a generous amount of side boob. All tied together with a ribbon. The bottoms were worse. You had yet to even wear anything as scandalous as it. The amount of fabric used (or lack thereof) should be considered illegal.

“Just trust me (Name). As an up and coming doctor it’s like illegal to lie to you, I think.”

You weren’t convinced. “Right…”

Shoko insisted you pose and smile. Many times, she would physically force you to hold complicated poses. All while liberally petting your ears and tail.

“You’re tail is really long. I bet your anatomy is pretty wicked.”

“How many more pictures must you take Shoko? This feels a little excessive.”

“Just one more…” She went behind you positioning the camera close to your ass. It was at this moment that you realized what she was doing. Your tail whipped around grabbing the camera and crushing it. Shoko looked up slowly, her guilty eyes meeting your own glaring ones.

“Lucky for you, seems like we’re done!”

Taking the remains of the camera, she ran out. You put your uniform on angrily. Why were those three so hellbent on harassing you! Heading out of the ‘infirmary’ you stomped your way through the commons. Sitting on the couch Gojo and Geto eyed you as you walked past them. Gojo almost leaped out of the seat to jump onto you, but as he rose Geto held the back of his collar.

“Shoko must have done something to her. There’s no point in bothering that stubborn cat. Let’s go to the source.”

Nodding, the duo headed towards Shoko’s room. There, they found her smirking to herself as she looked through another camera. They didn’t bother knocking before making themselves at home. Gojo laid face down on one side, while Geto leaned on the drawer next to the bed.

“She’s acclimating to the modern world pretty quick, but not quick enough!” She evilly giggled to herself.

“Yeah, she used to speak so formally! It was cute! She was like a little alien. Remember how she spent a whole day looking at the microwave?” Gojo sighed fondly, stroking the pillow near him as if it were your head.

“What did you do to her, Shoko. Her tail was raised and she was chittering all the way back to her room. Even her teeth were poking out. You and Satoru need to stop bothering her.”

Shoko scoffs, not taking her eyes off the camera. “As if you have the right to critique me. I know you harass her as much as we do! Anyways… you two might be interested in what I have~”

Gojo’s head peaked and Geto leaned closer.

“She got a little pissed when she figured out what I was doing. She’s quick, y know? So she she broke my camera with her tail. I won’t lie, it was pretty cool. But there went 30 minutes of hard work. Too bad she didn’t destroy the chip~”

At the end of her monologue she flipped the camera, showing the tiny screen. As Geto and Gojo leaned in, they made out a picture of you bash fully posing in a black bikini. Instantly, they reached out for the camera, desperate to see the picture closer. Just as they reached it, Shoko snatched the camera away.

“If you want to see more, you’ll have to pay up!”

Thanks for Reading!

More Neko Reader:

Neko Reader Blurb (JJK)

Neko Reader Origin (JJK)

[soullumii]

carnival lights | joel miller x f!reader

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: you take joel to the yearly summer carnival.

warnings/tags: pure fluff, little bit of sexual humor, fake gun use! (water guns), carnival fun, no outbreak!joel, soft!joel, modern au, food, implied age gap (reader is in her 20s, joel is in his 40s), pet names (peach, darlin', sweetheart, baby), established relationship. (can be read as part of the stranded universe!), NO USE OF Y/N

word count: 3.5k

a/n: something cute while i work on stranded part 2. there's no plot, just vibes

taglist: @hecatombix @thatmemechick @sexygaypalpatine

“I can’t believe you dragged me out to this mess,” Joel grumbles. 

Warm summer air settles over the both of you as screams from excited kids and terrified people on rollercoasters echo around you in the night. Joel’s scowl is illuminated by flashing lights from various pop-up mirror mazes, haphazardly put together ferris wheels, and scandalously painted funhouses.

Seriously, though, why does the children’s funhouse have a mural of a Parisian can-can dancer plastered on the front of it, her fish-netted vagina visible from quite literally any angle within this carnival?

It’s so incredibly ridiculous, and you absolutely love it. You just love carnivals—always have. 

Even if they’re probably a safety hazard, even if the creepy clowns wandering about scared you a lot as a kid, and even if the sweet aroma of funnel cakes and fried Oreos and cotton candy mixes with the skunky smell of cheap weed. It brings back memories. And yeah, it might give you a headache after a few minutes, but it’s everything you adore, even if you’re in your late twenties now. 

“It’s fun, Joel. Have you ever heard of fun?” You tease, dragging him along the dirt path littered with cigarette butts and mystery liquids. You get a whiff of hot dog.

Joel must get it too, because his nose scrunches and he steps aside a dubious pile of something inscrutable. “My definition of fun ain’t exactly this.”

“Look! That looks fun!” You point excitedly toward a ride called “The Zipper” rising high in the sky, its metal capsules filled with adrenaline junkies swinging back and forth as the entire ride spins on an axis.

“Jesus Christ,” Joel swears under his breath.

“What? Don’t you want to ride it?” 

When you glance over at him, he’s looking particularly green, though you can’t exactly tell if that’s from the spinning cups next to you flashing green and white or if he’s truly feeling unwell.

“Are you okay?” You ask, sincerity coating your words as you turn to him. 

“I’m fine,” he shakes his head. “I just—you should’ve taken Ellie and Sarah with you. I’m not any fun at these kinds of things.”

“Joel…” you say, a teasing smile growing as your hand lands on his arm. “Are you scared?” 

He scowls, but hesitates in his answer, gaze darting away from you. “No.”

Liar. “Joel, it's okay if you’re scared,” you say. “We don’t have to ride any rides. I wanted to come with you just to spend time with you.”

His gaze softens and he sighs. “I know, peach. I wanna spend time with you, too. And for the record, I’m not scared, I’m just concerned about… my back.”

“Riiight,” you smirk. “Let’s go find something to do that won’t hurt your back then.”

You find a funnel cake stand charging $15 per cake. Joel grumbles about how ridiculous, and frankly, illegal it is that they’re charging so much for what is basically a scribble of fried dough as he pulls out his wallet.

“It's about the culture of it all, Joel,” you declare as you take a bite of doughy and powdered sugar goodness. “It’s just what carnival goers do. It’s only once a year, they can make the sacrifice.” You tear off a piece of it and give it to him. 

“I guess seein��� Sarah smile after eatin’ fried oreos was worth it," he relents as he takes the cake and plops it into his mouth, humming gratefully and yes! you’re starting to wear him down! 

“Exactly.”

After you both finish your funnel cake among a screaming swath of kids, you drag him toward the farm animals. This, he has to like. 

You enter into the tent, Joel’s hand tucked in yours, and the smell of manure and dirt immediately choke the both of you, the scent trapped in by the heat and the plastic material of the tarp. Joel somehow seems to look even worse than he did when you mentioned the Zipper.

“These poor animals,” he whispers, eyes wide as he takes in the fences sectioning off llamas and sheep and highland cattle. “They should be out wanderin’ in a field.”

“They do, Joel,” you insist, squeezing his hand. “It’s just for tonight. Come on, let’s go pet one.”

After a snot-nosed child stumbles away from the sheep pen, Joel makes his way over. He frowns down at them, reaching a hand in through the fence to pet them. The sheep inch forward, pressing their wet noses into his palm, and he strokes their soft wool lovingly. Your heart flutters at the sight.

And then you hear him whispering to them: “I’ll get you out of here.”

Before Joel can do something drastic, like wrench open the fence on pure strength alone (which you know he is absolutely capable of), you drag him out of the tent. Your spirits are extinguished, the night feeling more and more like a failure. You have to get him to have fun, somehow.

“Those poor animals,” he says again, shakes his head as you draw him toward the game booths.

“They’ll be okay, Joel,” you reassure gently, rubbing his shoulder blades. 

He just shakes his head again, and your heart fractures. You plaster on a smile and set him in front of a booth with two plastic water guns tethered to a ledge, at the far end of the booth are targets bobbing up and down, moving along a track.

“Let’s play this!” You say, handing the teenage booth manager a dollar bill. He chews his gum apathetically, and pulls the lever to start up the game. 

This piques Joel’s interest and he watches you grab the pistol-shaped water gun, aiming it at a target, your eye winking as you train your gaze on a target. 

“No, no, I can’t let you shoot like that,” he says, grabbing the pistol. He maneuvers your hands, “Left squeezes on the right, darlin’.” He then adjusts your arms and tries to grab the pistol from you, but it's sturdy in your new grasp, not going anywhere.

“There,” he says, proud, and grabs the other gun, pointing it at the first target. “Good luck, peach. You're gonna need it.”

“We’ll see about that,” you tease. You have no idea what you’re getting into.

“Start,” the booth manager monotonously drawls.

Before you can even pull the trigger, three of Joel’s targets are down, and he is cackling as he obliterates the others on his side. Your jaw drops, eyes widening.

Because, what the hell?

You scramble to catch up, pressing the trigger rapidly at your own targets, but only a few hits land. By the time the bored teenager calls ‘game’, Joel’s got his arms over his chest, watching you with a satisfied smile as you try in vain to shoot the last three targets on your side.

You turn to him in shock, but your bones feel light, your pulse beating rapidly because at least he’s finally having fun. And, admittedly, his skill is attractive.

“You should see your face right now,” he laughs.

“You won this,” the teenager drones, holding out a big fluffy teddy bear, half the size of Joel. 

“I’m keepin’ this,” Joel says, grabbing the bear and holding it close. He looks ridiculous, holding that giant teddy bear in his corded arms, peppered locks falling over his forehead. Ridiculously handsome. Ridiculously cute. You've got to keep this going.

“What? Seriously? You’re not going to give your girlfriend the bear you won?” You pout. He just smiles wider. 

“Darlin’, you’ve gotta earn this. Your shootin’ was pathetic.” He grabs another dollar from his wallet and hands it to the red-headed teen. “Another one, kid.”

Instead of grabbing his own pistol when the game starts up again, Joel comes in close around your back, warm chest pressing against your shoulder blades as his hands skim down your arms. He lays a chaste kiss on the side of your throat and your heart beats rapidly like a bird’s, warmth settling within you, a flush dusting your cheeks at his proximity. 

His broad palms land on yours, and he adjusts your hold again like he did last time. “This was good. Your aim, on the other hand…”

“I’ve never shot a fucking gun before, Joel,” you defend.

“This is a water gun, peach.” You grumble as he drags your arms up, sets them in a position that is honestly not very comfortable, but you can see how it might be easier for aiming. 

“Aim that ‘lil notch at the top of the gun in the middle of your target.” You follow his instruction dutifully. “Good, now shoot.”

It’s all in good fun, the gun light and cheap in your hand, but you treat it as if you truly are about to shoot a real gun, if only because your competitive nature likes to take over. You take a deep breath and let it out, then pull the trigger. The target goes down swiftly.

Joel pulls back, grinning down at you. “Nice job, peach.”

You preen at his praise.

“Alright, now hit the next one.” 

You do just that. He holds his hand up for a high five and you slam your palm onto his, laughing giddily. "I'm so fucking good at this!"

He hisses, shaking his stinging hand out, “Why do you always high five so hard?”

“The game’s almost done,” the teenager warns.

You turn and deflate at the sight of ten targets still standing, confidence leaving your body in one fell swoop. You have about twenty seconds to shoot the last targets, and you wilt, knowing that’s absolutely not going to happen. You gaze sadly at the stuffed whale hanging from the awning. 

Joel, noticing your disappointment, grabs his own pistol and fires off at his targets, each painted bullseye flinging back as the water hits it, the targets dropping one by one in quick succession. Even the moving ones he finds easily, spraying them with firm focus, eyebrows furrowed over his hard eyes. 

He finishes with five seconds to spare, and a smirk on his lips. He makes a show to pretend to blow smoke away from the water gun’s barrel, and you can't help but laugh. You never see him this goofy, and it makes your body tingle with happiness.

The booth manager rolls his eyes and gets the whale down, handing it to Joel. You give him the biggest puppy eyes you can manage, lips puckered in a pout, and you can see the moment it hits him right in the heart, his smile growing soft, the way he looks away from you, turning to try and hide it. But he can’t, and you tremble at the sight feeling so full, so warm. 

“Come on, Joel. I’m never going to be as good as you–which by the way, where the fuck did you learn to do that?” You say, grabbing the tail of the whale and tugging. 

"Growin' up on a farm, darlin'. Tommy was always wantin' to shoot the ducks."

"Ah, so you're a master at duck hunting, huh?"

He shrugs. "You could say that."

He tugs the whale away from your grasp, gesturing to the booth. "Alright, one more game. Come on baby, you can do it."

You groan, and he hands another dollar over. The kid looks even more bored. Maybe even annoyed at this point. You don't blame him. You grab the pistol, and get to shooting, not without spraying some water at Joel first. He doesn’t even flinch.

Five targets later (you never could get the full ten), you're whooping and hollering as the kid hands you a fluffy monkey plushie.

"There we go!" Joel praises. “Nice goin’ peach!”

You do a little happy dance, not caring if you look ridiculous, and Joel tucks you into his side, throwing another dollar bill at the apathetic teen.

“For your patience,” he says. You giggle loudly into your palm.

“I don’t get paid enough to be here,” the kid mumbles as Joel tugs you away and back through the carnival.

You look up at him, taking in his carefree expression, the content smile on his face, and the way the lights flash off his eyes, making them sparkle. His strong arm is wrapped around your waist, your cheek pressed into his shoulder.

“Finally having fun?”

He looks down at you, eyebrow quirking. “What’d’ya mean? I’ve been havin’ fun this whole time.”

You stop, pulling back to really look at him, blinking in disbelief. “What? But you’ve seemed so… upset. The rollercoasters, the funnel cake...the animals."

Joel’s smile slips, and a clear sincerity takes hold in his eyes. “Darlin’ none of that matters to me. Just bein’ with you is enough to make anythin’ fun.”

“Oh,” is all you can say, nerves thrumming, mind racing.

“I’m sorry I made you feel otherwise, I'm not very good with emotions," he says, threading his fingers with yours, and your heart stutters. You knew that. He’s always been a closed book, and even if he does decide to be more open, it can be hard to truly decipher how he feels. Though he’s always quick to assure you that you mean everything to him.

“I’ll ride a damn rollercoaster with you anytime if you really want me to.”

This is why you love him so damn much.

You beam, though it turns teasing, “Thanks, Joel, but I don’t want to hurt you.” You poke his lower back.

Joel chuckles. “My back is fine. I’m just scared.”

“Oh really? Finally admitting it, Miller?“

"You know I struggle with admitting my flaws, darlin'."

"Right, because you hardly have any."

"Exactly."

"Well, anyway, I have an idea."

"Do ya now?”

You drag him toward the giant ferris wheel stretching high into the sky, the neon lights climbing its spokes flashing excitedly, drawing the carnival goers in.

You settle in a seat with Joel next to you, though because of the long line, you're forced to be seated with another couple across the way. An older couple, with matching t-shirts and candy necklaces.

"Hey there!" The woman chirps. "What a lovely night, ain't it?"

Joel nods awkwardly, "Sure is."

"It's beautiful," you add.

It truly is, a gentle breeze stirs the warm air, driving away mosquitos and the Texan humidity. The navy sky is clear, only a few fluffy clouds sprinkled about. You’d spend the entire night out here if you could.

"I'm Sharon, my husband Burt and I have been comin' to this carnival for the past fifty years," she says, gesturing to the man in overalls beside her.

"That's amazing," you say honestly. "I’d like to have a tradition like that, too.”

You tell her your and Joel’s names, ignoring the latter’s pleading glance at you by smiling at Sharon and Burt and complimenting their matching shirts.

Burt's says: Nothing Sense We're and hers says: Makes When Apart.

You despise the shirts deeply, but you might as well be friendly to the people you'll be stuck with for the next fifteen minutes.

"Thanks darlin'! Are you two a couple?"

You take Joel's hand, "Yep! Finally reeled this slippery fish in."

"Jesus Christ," Joel grumbles under his breath. You try not to laugh.

"Older men, so evasive, am I right?" Sharon whispers, a hand coming up to shield her mouth from her husband, as if he can't hear her in this tiny space.

"I hear you, sister.”

Joel rubs his thumb and forefinger against his temple.

"Well, enjoy your ride," she beams. "Just beware, my hubby gets gassy when we get halfway up."

You choke on a shocked laugh, your palm slapping over your lips. You lean into Joel, eyes wide, who looks green once again.

"Oh my god," you hiss to him.

"Now look what you've done. We're 'bout to get chloroformed by farts."

You can’t hide your laugh this time, “Joel!"

The ferris wheel jerks, and Joel's hand tightens around yours as it begins to ascend. You notice the tick in his jaw, the way his gaze pointedly darts from the spokes of the wheel to the pole in the center of the seat and back.

"Are you scared of ferris wheels too?" You ask.

"No," he hisses. "I'm scared of state carnival ferris wheels. They set this piece of shit up in three days. How can you even trust it?"

"I just like to think about possible ways I'd survive it."

"Yeah, like what? Grabbing onto the pole and just hanging there 'til they get ya?"

"Exactly, see, it'll be fine."

"That's if the whole thing doesn't detach."

"I think it's more likely we'll die from suffocating by old man farts than this thing detaching."

That gets a laugh out of Joel, and his gaze finally finds the land stretching out beneath you as the ferris wheel rises. The moon hangs high above the clouds, bright and full, and stars dot the dark sky like jewels sewn on a blanket. The breeze ruffles his hair, and you wish to run your hands through it.

"This is nice," he says. "I'm glad I came out here with you."

"You didn't have much of a choice, but I'm glad you're enjoying it."

You hear the man across from you pass gas, and you hide a grimace.

Joel leans in to whisper in your ear, his breath ghosting over your sensitive skin making you shiver. "This would be pretty romantic if it weren't for Mr. and Mrs. Clause over there."

"Watch it, you'll be approaching that age soon."

"I've got at least twenty years, peach. Maybe you'll be sick of me by then."

"Oh no," you shake your head, looking earnestly into his eyes. "I'll gratefully smell your farts 'til the end, Joel."

"You're messed up," he grimaces.

You just smile at him, and he grins back, his arm slung over the back of the seat, his thumb massaging your neck, and you melt into him, content to watch the world shrink as you near the top.

Eventually the ferris wheel comes to a stop at the top, and you gaze out across the dark world, head resting on Joel's shoulder. He pulls you in close.

"It's time for the kiss!" Sharon exclaims, grabbing Burt's fraying overalls and tugging him in to plant a kiss right on his lips. He melts right into her, and in mere seconds, you and Joel are witness to a geriatric couple making out.

"Ain't this somethin'," Joel says.

"Oh. My. God."

Sharon pulls back after a good thirty seconds, and turns to you and Joel. "Alright! Your turn!"

"Oh no, that's okay," you say, waving your hand. Joel is private in his affections, though his little show at the target booth earlier might say otherwise. Generally, he prefers keeping you to himself.

But tonight, he's full of surprises.

"C'mon, peach. Let's do it. Let’s give these kind folks a show, like they did for us."

"Yes! He gets it!" Sharon bounces excitedly. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

You've been wanting to kiss him all night, so you're really not against it. Though, it's still weird, and you give Joel a pained look.

"I'll give you the whale for this," he promises.

"And the bear," you argue.

"Fine. And the bear."

You grin, and then his hand is at the back of your neck, pulling you in, his nose brushing your cheek as he slots your lips together. He tastes like funnel cake and cotton candy and you honestly don't want this night to end.

Your eyes flutter shut as he adjusts you to deepen the kiss, his tongue swiping across your bottom lip. Your hands plant on his chest, nails digging into the fabric stretching over his firm pecs.

"Woo! Yeah! Kiss her hard! Kiss her really good.”

Your lip is still caught between his teeth when Joel slowly pulls away, eyes trained angrily on Sharon and Burt. He clears his throat as leans back in his seat, and you avoid eye contact with the very strange couple across from you. Joel's hand is hot on your exposed thigh, and now you really wish you weren't fifty feet in the air stuck with some very questionable folks.

Finally, five minutes later you touch the ground again.

"Y'all have fun now!" Sharon squeaks and steers Burt toward the cowboy-themed carousel.

"Have a good night you two," Joel says, faintly as they beeline away from you, almost like you were the weird ones.

He hands you the whale but holds the bear for you as you make your way back to Joel's pickup.

"Well, that was something," you say.

"I don't think I'll get that image out of my head. Or the smell," Joel's nose scrunches.

You stop, turning toward him. "I'm sorry about this. I thought it would be fun. We'd play games and share a romantic kiss on the ferris wheel and feed the animals-"

The words fade as Joel's palm settles on your cheek, his thumb running across your bottom lip, his other hand landing on your waist. "Darlin', we did all of that."

"Yeah, but it all sucked. I can't shoot for shit. And you don't like the animals being all cooped up, and then Sharon and Burt practically eating each other in front of us, then getting turned on by our kissing? You don't think I saw Burt's hard-on?"

His eyes widen in disgusted shock. "His what?"

Your eyes well up. "I’m sorry, Joel."

He shakes his head, pulling you into his chest. "Peach, I had a great time. I love doing whatever you love. I love you, okay? So next year, you can drag me out here again and we can be Sharon and Burt's spank bank material and I'll enjoy it just as much as I did today."

Your laugh is watery against his chest, and he tilts your chin up to softly press his lips against yours again, this time shielded from the hungry gaze of strange old people. He thumbs away your tears.

"By the way," he whispers against your lips. "I liked watchin' you fail at shootin'. It's cute."

You glare half-heartedly at him, pushing him off of you and rounding to the passenger side of the truck. "I always knew you were into humiliation."

"Maybe we should try it, just to know for sure," he smirks, leaning against the door frame, towering over you.

You look him up and down, eyeing the muscles of his forearms and the way his t-shirt stretches across his broad chest. Your voice comes out lower than you expect it to.

“Get in the damn truck, Miller."

"Yes ma'am."

[padfootagain]

Something Good (XXII)

Chapter 22: Toothpaste

Hello! Here is a new chapter for my Ben Barnes series!

Alright, alright, alright, maybe I’m leaning too much into the cuteness, but I’ll soon put these two in ‘situations’ again, so for now, take one more disgustingly fluffy chapter, alright?

Hope you like it!!! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Ben Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Fluff,  Slow burn, professor AU.!

Summary: Coming out of a divorce and trying to get used to being a single mom, while teaching your classes at University, you thought your life could not get more complicated than it already is. But when you are asked to take care of the theatre club with the colleague that you really can’t get along with, you realize that everything can still get ten times more complicated in your life. And when you start actually liking Professor Barnes, the troubles only grow exponentially…

Word Count: 2474

Masterlist for the series – Ben Barnes’ Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Got home safely!

I’ll see you tonight, darling

xx

You couldn’t refrain a smile as you read Ben’s text.

The Christmas tree still glimmered in your living room, even if the presents had been offered already. Sally was currently playing with the new dinosaur toys you had bought for her, fighting against the evil barbies trying to steal their lego house. You smiled fondly as you caught a glimpse of your daughter sitting there, on the ground, lost in her own intricate storyline.

You settled more comfortably in your sofa, glancing at the time and sipping on your tea.

Your mother would drop by in about an hour to get Sally. They were having a girls’ night together, a perfect occasion for you to have a date with Ben.

You read the same word over and over again, looking for an appropriate answer, but your brain was too busy chanting the pet name.

Darling, darling, darling…

God, you loved him so much, it should have been illegal…

Good to hear! Can’t wait to finally taste this chilli of yours you keep on bragging about.

I’ve missed you, can’t wait to see you tonight xx

It took him less than a minute to answer, with a picture of a paper bag filled to the brim with groceries.

Got everything I need to cook for you. Hopefully, I do a decent job, although you’re making it sound like I’ve created high expectations I am certain I will fail to attain.

Oh, and don’t forget to get some extra clothes and a toothbrush ;)

You were glad he wasn’t there to see how you shied away under his obvious innuendo.

Some clothes? A toothbrush? We’re feeling very confident, I see, Mr. Barnes…

His answer made you choke on your warm beverage.

I’ve been dreaming of all the things I’m going to do to you for over a week, darling. There’s no way you’re sleeping anywhere but in my bed tonight.

You giggled, kicking your feet in excitement and grinning like a bloody lovesick fool, before hiding your face in your hands.

God, he made you feel like a bloody teenager all over again, and you loved every second of it…

Waking up in Ben’s bed was strange.

A nice kind of strange, of course. Warm bed, soft sheets, his arm flung across your stomach, and his face relaxed in a quiet sleep. His dark hair stained the white pillow in messy strands. There was a quiet, almost shy light coming in from the window. Only a faint whisper came from the street. It was peaceful, warm, comfortable. But strange. It was your first time sleeping here. You had come to visit several times, of course, while you were still mere friends. But now there you were, wrapped in his linen sheets, listening to his steady breathing while under his eyelids his eyes moved with the rhythm of dreams. And you were happy to see this sight, to stare at him resting by your side.

Were you worthy of such a privilege, though?

Before you could lean into these thoughts, Ben was stirring, moving slowly at first, but then reaching up to rub remnants of sleep out of his eyes. When he blinked, a smile spread on his lips as he focused on you.

“Morning,” he mumbled, his voice much lower than usual in this early morning light.

“Morning,” you grinned back, leaning closer as he gently pulled you in his arms.

“Would you like some pancakes for breakfast?”

“Oh! Yes! Please!”

“Deal. I’ll go in a few minutes…”

“Why do I feel like a few minutes will turn into an hour?”

He chuckled against your hair, pressing kisses to the side of your head and temple.

“You’re starting to know me a little too well…”

“Hmm… You like cuddles too much to get out of bed quickly.”

“True.”

And indeed, you didn’t get up for a long while. You merely giggled, exchanged silly jokes, kisses and caresses buried under his warm blanket while outside, the world got buried under a thick layer of snow.

You got ready while Ben was making breakfast, taking a quick shower and getting dressed with the extra clothes you had brought. He peered inside the bathroom while you brushed your teeth.

“Pancakes are ready, darling,” he announced with a bright smile.

He walked inside, wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your hair while you kept on washing your teeth.

You winced once you were done.

“I hate your toothpaste.”

He raised an amused eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Yeah… it tastes… I don’t know, it’s strong. Too minty. It’s burning my tongue!”

Ben let out a bright laugh.

“Burning your tongue?!”

“Yes! It’s terrible!”

“I like it.”

“I’ll bring mine next time.”

“Well, if you keep on insulting my toothpaste, I may not let you come here again. Don’t you know how touchy this subject is to me?”

It was your time to laugh, catching his glance in the mirror.

“Oh, I know. You tell me about it every day.”

“Every hour even!”

“What a strange obsession…”

You leaned back against him, letting him support your weight, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re back,” you whispered, letting the quietness of the moment crystalise the gentleness that hung in the air. “I know you were gone for a mere week but still… it was strange not to have you around.”

“Yeah… I missed you too. My brother teased me a lot about it, actually.”

“Your brother?” you asked with a frown, turning in his arms to face him.

“Yeah, Jack. I told you about him…”

“Yeah, I know who your brother is… I… does that mean your family knows about me?”

Ben’s smile dropped, and he was cautious as he answered.

“Yes… I mean… they caught me on the phone with you. It wasn’t hard to put two plus two together. Does that make you feel uncomfortable?”

“No! You can tell whoever you want, I just… It’s only been a few weeks… I thought you’d wait for a bit.”

“They guessed, to be honest.”

“Oh, okay.”

“But… yeah, they know about you. Not the whole thing, just… the basics. How we met, that you’re a mother, that we were friends before giving this a try. You know, basic stuff.”

You nodded. He didn’t tell you that they were aware of the depth of his feelings for you though, that Jack had guessed that he was, in fact, in love with you. It was too soon for that.

“Besides, your mother knows. I wasn’t the first one to make a full report to my parents,” he joked, successfully making you laugh while you rolled your eyes.

“Right, of course… when you put it that way.”

There was a pause, when you lowered your gaze, staring blankly at the collar of his black t-shirt. You bit your lower lip in hesitation before speaking again.

“I think I’m going to wait a few more weeks to talk to Liam about us. Like… I don’t know… maybe let the first month pass. And if everything is still going fine by then, I’ll tell him. What do you think?”

Ben shrugged.

“He’s your ex. You’re the one to decide when you’re ready to tell him.”

“In the meantime, we can’t be too obvious in front of Sally. We’ll tell her after I’ve talked to Liam, okay?”

“Yeah, alright.”

“I’m not trying to hide or anything, you know?”

“I know. But we need to think about Sally too. And she’s a child: we need to be certain that this is going in the right direction before getting her involved in all of this.”

“I’m just trying to protect her.”

“I know, I get it. It’s okay. I agree with you.”

You rose to your tiptoes to kiss him, and you tasted grateful as your lips closed upon his.

“Well, I’m still waiting for my pancakes!” you joked, breaking the heaviness of the air, making him chuckle fondly at you.

“Actually, they’re waiting for you, my darling…”

Everything went smoothly, it was a little like a dream.

The holidays were over, time to go back to work, and in the whirlwind of finals, and busy schedules, you were still there.

Ben wasn’t certain why he was so surprised by it. You had started dating for about a month now, you were still deep in the honeymoon phase. The initial thrill filled with exciting sparkles and lovely surprises. Still, it didn’t stop him from being surprised by how everything was so effortless with you. Especially because it wasn’t.

He was taking care of Sally more and more with you. His bond with the girl was growing stronger with every afternoon spent playing with her and her dolls, with each messy painting session or adventure at the park. He had learned how to do her hair, the fastest way to tie her shoelaces, the most practical way to put on her coat. You let him take care of her meals now, and she rested in his arms as much as she did in yours when you watched her favourite Disney movies together. It felt more and more like co-parenting. And it was a lot of efforts, an incredibly difficult challenge, to see this pile of responsibilities growing.

And then there was the most basic things to organize and plan. Dates, re-organizing his life around your busy schedule. His quiet weekends were disturbed now by afternoons at the zoo and sleepless nights in your bed.

And he adored it. Every second of it. It was difficult, it was tiring, and it was the most natural thing, too. Fitting into your life was as easy as breathing. He didn’t know how much was due to the honeymoon phase, to the original excitement of a new relationship, or if it was really genuinely easy for him. Was he simply blinded by you? He wasn’t sure. What he did know, though, was that he was happy. Disgustingly so.

So much so that it was hard to hide it. It was hard not to smile when he thought about seeing you at lunch, or about this book he wanted to recommend you, or when he simply pictured your smile. It was even harder not to reach out to touch you when you were at work, to be unable to yield to these urges he had to kiss you until you couldn’t breathe, to try to conceal the glances he stole whenever he could.

As you walked together to join the theatre club that afternoon, Ben couldn’t help himself. He knew he shouldn’t, because you were at work, in a corridor, where students could very much walk by and see the two of you, but he couldn’t help it. As he reached out to brush his fingers against yours, he couldn’t stop himself. Having physical touch as his love language could be something of a curse sometimes…

You gave his hand a squeeze, before letting go again.

“Not here,” you whispered.

“Sorry.”

You saw him blushing, looking away in a moment of shyness.

“It’s alright, but… not here.”

“I know. Sorry…”

“Are you free tonight, though? You could eat with Sally and I, and stay for a movie after?”

He smiled, nodding quickly.

“Sure, sounds nice!”

You were both grinning still when you reached the room and were welcomed by your excited students.

There was a lot of work to be done still. Some songs needed to be adjusted, you were still working on the rewriting of several scenes… and you got easily distracted by Ben’s marvellous voice as he sang along to help some students. And Ben was easily distracted by the peek he caught of your cleavage whenever you leaned forward a little too much…

And he didn’t even notice. The way he leaned a little closer to you, the way his eyes always settled on your frame, the way he kept track of your movements throughout the room. It was second nature, almost. He thought he was doing great at hiding his feelings and your relationship, he really did. And so, he didn’t catch on Nathaniel, Daniel and Roberta whispering together at one point. He didn’t understand why Giselle exchanged strange glances with several members of the club either. You seemed to have gathered more braincells that afternoon though, because you made sure to stay away from Ben for the rest of the session, to Ben’s disappointment.

And he noticed the distance that you were forcing between the two of you. Of course, he did, and if he reckoned that it was in an attempt to keep a low profile, there was a voice in his head that made him wonder if you were annoyed with him, if he had done something wrong…

He was quiet as you finished to clean up the room together. It was unusual now for the two of you to be standing in a room for more than a few minutes without talking, or at least acknowledge each other’s presence in some way. You closed the door before walking over to him.

“Ben, you’re alright?”

“Of course. Why?”

“You’re very quiet.”

“I was simply lost in thoughts.”

“Okay…”

He hesitated, his voice coming out as a whisper when he finally spoke.

“Are you… are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m just fine.”

“We… we’re okay, right? I didn’t… I wasn’t annoying or…?”

“What? Of course not! What are you talking about?”

“You were avoiding me the entire session…”

You heaved a sigh, before reaching for his hand, cradling it gently in both of your palms.

“Sorry about that. But you were being pretty obvious, I didn’t want the students to catch up on us.”

You had a humorous smile on your face, the gentle kind that made Ben’s heart grow warm and mushy and melting beneath his ribs. He wanted to hold your face in his palms in the gentlest way possible, afraid he could break you somehow, and kiss you until it would kill him…

Instead, he merely blushed and looked away.

“Really? Was I?”

“Yeah, you were. That’s alright though. I simply had to save our arses. You were not as obvious as Nathaniel and Daniel though.”

“What?! Nathaniel and Daniel?!”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed! These two have been stealing glances the whole session!”

Ben blushed again as he spoke, but the words were out before he could properly think them. You had this power over him, and he kind of hated it. He couldn’t lie or control what was coming out of his mouth when you were around.

“I was distracted today. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

You looked away, before rewarding his words with a kiss on his cheek.

Alright, perhaps this power of yours did have nice consequences sometimes…

***************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @idek-what-to-put @kpicard @rhapsodyonthethames @friendly-philosopher

[letters-from-dekarios]

(Jasper is a snarky drow wild-magic sorcerer/multiclassed rogue. He was pretty careless about his magic until meeting Gale, and his solutions to things still mostly ends up being ‘is it worth lockpicking, or should we just explode it and run?’ He’s closed-off and snippy with people he doesn’t know, but longs for connection at heart. It just… takes a while to get there. He’s quite awkward when he’s actually being open with people. When the two of them are alone, it’s one of the few times Jasper actually is fully himself.

Jasper is illiterate; never learned to read, but ‘begrudgingly’ lets Gale teach him slowly after the events of the game. Still not great, but getting there. While they do live together, Jasper still takes trips to the Underdark every now and again. This letter was written during one of his times there.)

Gale, hello.

(The handwriting drastically changes. While the above line is practically intended into the paper, the rest is written in neat cursive.)

The rest of this letter is being transcribed by Astarion because I don’t feel like sending you something that could be mistaken for a toddler’s journal. Then again, that’s what your handwriting can look like sometimes if you’re tired enough, so maybe you’d find it readable anyway.

What do people even write in letters, anyway? Hello, dearest Gale of Waterdeep, how farest thou in my absence? Psh, he’d laugh at that. He’s cute when he- wait, don’t write that down- hey, give me the-

(There’s some illegible scribbling after that.)

Anyway, Gale. How are your bookshelves? They’re probably dusty. You should dust them.

Did you eat food today? It’s dinnertime. It won’t be when you get this, though, I guess. Hm.

Ok, seriously, what am I supposed to say? Astarion note: He rambled for about five minutes about the uselessness of letters and small talk, darling, I’m not writing all of this down. He misses you, you’re both pathetically in love, it’s absolutely sickening, get a room.

Oh, right. Some of the mushroom people myconids gave me some stuff to bring back to you. I didn’t really stay long enough to figure out exactly what it all is since the whole mind speaking thing makes me nauseous, but there’s some amulet and a couple scrolls.

I also have not blown anything up yet. On purpose. Two explosive surges happened. Whether that’s good or bad is up for debate. There aren’t any of the explodey mushrooms around where I’m staying.

Pet Tara for me.

And if you look like you’ve pulled even one all-nighter when I get back, I’m dragging you to bed. Put your books down and go to sleep, wizard.

~ Jasper

(The name is signed in the same poor handwriting as the greeting)

P.S. Hello. Astarion again, absolute pleasure. Next time, send a scribe with him if you want to be penpals, or I’m going to start charging.

Sweet Jasper,

And Astarion, by default.

No matter the transcriber, you know I adore hearing from you. I’d spend countless nights decoding your handwriting if it meant our communication stayed strong during your nights away. And, for the record, I’m glad you think I’m cute when I laugh. You’re rather adorable when you laugh, too.

I have cleaned the tower in your absence, but it’s quickly returned to dust-filled madness since beginning a new project of mine. No matter, though, it’ll be spotless by the time you return. You’ll be happy to know I’m eating just fine, and Tara can vouch for me on such. She’d have a field day if I didn’t stop and have a meal now and then, no matter how deep I was into a tome.

Thank the Myconids for me. Their scrolls have proved to be rather helpful lately. It’s always a joy to receive new items from them. And, I am glad to hear you’ve not yet blown anything, or anyone for that matter, up! I would hate to have another incident occur and use all of our resurrection spells again. Those are pricey and hard to come by nowadays. Stay strong, darling, I know how much you desire to set fire to things.

I cannot guarantee the state of myself when you return. I’m awfully invested in my current tomes and you know how much I hate losing my place. But I will try, dear.

Enough about me. How are you? I hope your time in the Underdark is serving you well. Have you found anything of interest? I’ll be more than delighted to hear all about your adventure when you return home. The nights grow cold without you by my side, love. But I know how much your journey means to you.

I hope you’re eating well, also. Sleeping just as much, too. Send word when you aim to return home, I’ll have everything ready for you.

Be safe, my love. I hope to hear from you again, soon.

With all my love,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

Astarion, I thank you for your hard work with Jasper. You know the depths of my coin pouch. Name your price, though not too substantial- I’m not made of money, after all. But, I’d much rather you than a stranger scribe for him.

text reads: gale dekarios

[honeybewrites]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Thank you @the-golden-comet for the tag here and here!!

So since I've done EoWC OCs for most of my tags, I figured I'd switch it up and do LotA's OCs for this one! Ryuk for the first tag and Emaeh for the second.

First tag :D

Would you sacrifice yourself for another?

Defends on who it is. Any one of my pack members I wouldn't hesitate for and there are other close friends I would as well. Now for a stranger in the woods, no. Not happening.

How often do you daydream?

Never? Perhaps I did some as a child, but nowadays I have more important things to worry about. I don't see the point of it.

What is your favorite activity?

Fighting or hunting. I enjoy the thrill of it. Though I do, on occasion, enjoy a nice book. But you keep that to yourself.

Second Tag :D

Would you do something illegal if you were getting paid a large sum of money? (You can choose the illegal thing)

I've done plenty of illegal things for far less than what it was worth. Arson, murder, kidnapping, thievery. It doesn't take much to entice me. Wait, this is all confidential right? Because I've still got people mad about some things I did...

What is your favorite non-human creature in the world and why? (Gods count)

Hmm that’s a tough one! I’m going to go with Za’j Creeping Spiders! Those little fuzzy things are so cute! I’d like to have a couple as pets one day.

If you were forced to kill one person you have met, who would it be? (Not yourself)

I can think of many people I would want to kill! First being Welons who is a dick and I’m still mad he stole my last job and got paid more for it. He didn’t do a very good job either; I could have done it in half the time.

Tagging @yourpenpaldee @paeliae-occasionally @pluppsauthor @sabewebb @willtheweaver and anyone else who wants to hop on!!

Apologizes if I double tagged anyone!

Your guys questions:

Cake or ice cream?

If you were given the choice to read minds, but you could never lie again, would you?

You’re given immortality, but if anyone finds out you die. How are you keeping it a secret?

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (37)

Dr.Gaul: Hippity Hoppity! Welcome back to my precious laboratory.☺️🔪

Coryo: *Raises hand* Dr.Gaul, do we really need to end everything with a rhyme? I mean-

Dr.Gaul: Shut up, orphan. I’m in my zone. So put your hand down before I shoot you with a drone.

Sejanus: *Raises hand* Dr.Gaul, can I-

Dr.Gaul: You’re allowed to skip my class, Mr. Plinth.

Sejanus: But-

Dr.Gaul: Do I really need to give you another hint?

Sejanus: No. I’ll shut up now.

Dr.Gaul: Good. And as for today’s lesson, we will be discussing the importance of mutts in our modern day society.

Clemensia: Nope. Not today! I’m going home. Bye! *runs out*

Juno: Clemmie, we haven’t even started!

Dr.Gaul: Now who could tell me why-

Livia: Dr.Gaul, why are all your mutts super ugly? Can’t you make them cuter?

Arachne: Yeah! I want a mutt that’s cuter and fluffier than the President’s Bichon Frisé puppies!

Dr.Gaul: Can you not interrupt me for one sec-

Felix: Can we even create a mutt that’s cuter than my granduncle’s puppies?

Coryo: I don’t know. I’m more of a cat person, and nothing’s cuter than Boa Bell the cat.

Apollo: How about we fuse Boa Bell with the President’s puppy!😀

Festus: A cat and a dog? What are we gonna call it?

Gaius: Bichon Bell? Boa Pup? That’s all I’ve got.

Coryo: How about a cute hamster fused with a cute chipmunk?

Felix: Chipster? Chipham?

Urban: Cheap ham? Are we talking about food already?

Palmyra: I have some cheap ham right here! *shows a rotten holiday ham instead* Want one?😀

Florus: Ew. No. Put that thing away from me, Monty.

Palmyra: It’s still delicious!

Everyone: We’re not that hungry, Monty.🤢

Palmyra: Really? How about you, Price?

Persephone: No offense, Palm Palm, but I would rather eat my poor daddy’s Maid Stew again before I eat that.

Palmyra: Just one bite?🥺

Everyone: No.

Dr.Gaul: As I was saying-

Florus: Ok. Here me out. A cute baby duck fused with a cute baby penguin.

Iphigenia: Oh, Panem! A penduck! That’s super cute! I want one already, Flory!

Io: Me too! I’m so gonna tell my parents about that!

Coryo: Honestly, a “penduck” might be the most adorable thing that I personally want to see.

Festus: A penduck burger ain’t so bad either.🤤

Felix: Festus, bro, you can’t just eat a cute penduck!

Festus: Huh? Why?

Felix: Because I’ll make it illegal!

Festus: But if it moves, it’s technically food!

Persephone: I concur!😋

Urban: I mean, Creed’s not wrong. We can even sell it to raise more money for our poor class fund.

Dennis: Nice one, Ban Ban! Now that’s a good business proposal!

Urban: You guys do know about our depleted class fund, right?

Felix: Our precious class fund? I haven’t really addressed that issue-

Iphigenia: And we will never ever address it! Ever!

Felix: But-

Iphigenia: So who’s next? Sejanus, you go!😊

Sejanus: Ok. My turn! How about an adorable baby weasel fused with an adorable baby capybara!

Androcles: Can it swim though?

Pup: I don’t care! I want a baby “capysel” in my house!

Dennis: How about a baby pony fused with a baby kangaroo?

Vipsania: Fling, that’s brilliant! Who doesn’t want a “pongaroo” to fight them!

Lysistrata: Fight them? Is that even legal?

Vipsania: It ain’t animal abuse if they abuse you back, Lizzie!

Felix: Well, don’t mind me. I’m just gonna write that down.

Domitia: How about a baby cow fused with a baby horse?

Diana: You seriously want a “corse” for a pet?

Domitia: What? I literally live in a ranch.

Coryo: You mean a big ass luxurious mansion that looks like a ranch.

Livia: My turn! A baby otter fused with a baby koala!

Apollo: Wow, Livia, you really want the science peeps to make a baby “Koatter” for you?

Livia: Sure. Why not. I can afford it, unlike that poor orphan sitting over there-

Coryo: FYI, Cardew, my boyfriend’s father (Strabo Plinth) is willing to give me a zoo filled with the cutest mutts as a wedding gift after graduation!

Lysistrata: Sejanus, is that true?

Sejanus: Anything for my Coryo!😘

Dr.Gaul: Why am I even here? Just to suffer?!😩🔪

[fairydust-stuff]

Yut lung & Mr Chang black lagoon crossover

Chang curses, its a frusteratng situation  a half brother is better then a zombie. Still making a whore into a proper head of the triad was not going to be easy. 

This kid was raised to be a  pawn in his brothers games not a leader. There was flashes of something. The kid had good instincts and the way he had used his own brother as a shield to hide behind was impressive. 

“ Anything on our little Lynx?” He asked 

“ He’s being held at the National mental health institute, its a front for illegal experiments on criminals”Balalikia said in his ear. 

 “That takes care of one problem at least”  Chang said. Maybe the institute would fry the kids brains to the point they wouldn’t have to deal with him. “ Still keep an eye on him” 

“ About, your pet dragon,  According to my comrades, observation, He exserts poor control over his own men” Balalikia said into his ear. 

Chang nods it made sense. 

“ Also, he lets his own gang do whatever. Apparently Wang Lung Lee soured relations with their own gang to the point where, there’s quite a bit of tension ” 

“ In other words, we got a bunch of gang brats with no respect for authority” Chang wanted to sigh. 

“ ….Sing Soo ling the gang leader is around his own age, I understand.” 

 “ From what I observed, he’s definitely a soft spot” Chang agreed.

“ I’ve already issued the orders for an eye to be kept on Sing Soo Ling” 

“ Good, something tells me he’s going to be trouble” 

“ But for who is the question….this is disaster….the boy isn’t ready to lead. We may just have to put him down and assign someone else to puppet Hau Lung” 

“ Now lets not be too hasty, the kid isn’t a complete lost cause” Chang lights his cigar. 

“ I’ve also been keeping taps on Mr Golzine and his organization. You might find this interesting though they were struggling with the Banana Fish formula. They did perfect it enough to control their subjects until the task is done. Then they kill themselves” 

“ Hau Lung Lee is still alive” 

“ Precisely my point, i’d be careful if I were you Mr Chang. We both know how dangerous wounded children can be and I suspect this one is far smarter then he lets on”  

“ I see your point, i’ll let you know of any new delopments on my end as well” Chang hangs up. 

Bui Yuen frowns “ This kid, what do you want with him?” 

“ To take him to lunch ” Chang said with a straight face….

Yut Lung sits across from him at the restaurant . Chang senses a kind of apprehension coming from him. 

“ You seem tense, if its about the Vietnmames attacking. I have men everywhere for our protection” 

“ Its not that…its just i’ve never been out…”  

True Yut Lung  being a secret is what his entire sense of safety has relied upon. 

“ Don’t worry, I had the place reserved entirely, no one else will come in today” 

“ Thank you” 

Chang chuckled, it was amusing the son of one of the most powerful families in Hong Kong with a internation reach on a global scale and he was thanking him for privacy. 

“ I’m not making fun of you, I swear” he said as the kid sulked at him. “ Order what you like” 

“ Since you know this place it would be best if you choose the meal” 

Chang gives him a knowing look “ You don’t have preferences” 

The kid flushed. 

“ Ok, i’ll get us a bit of everything” 

 The bar is so low for this kid Chang muses. His world is even smaller then the average crimininals extending from his manor and occasionally into a seedy hotel. Still there’s no point in feeling sorry for the kid. That would be hypocritical since Chang intends to mold him into a pawn to be used for his own ends. 

Yut Lung thanks him again. Once their food arrives,  Chang asks about his hobbies and after some testing to see if the question was actually innocent, he’s treated to an excited little  ramble about new flowers in the garden. Before Yut Lung, clears his throat puts on that pseudo adult mask and resumes being stiff and composed. 

  He wonders if some of the kids cuteness is natural which sickingly enough might of been the reason he’d been popular. Whores weren’t just pretty faces and talent, they had to have something that drew people in. 

Despite himself, Chang feels a slight sliver of disgust in whatever passes for his heart these days. 

“ Please continue” 

Yut Lung frowns  “ I know your angle….you don’t fool me” 

“ Aww Yut Lung don’t be so cold” 

The kid studies him, Chang notices him digging his nails in the back of his hand under the table. 

“ I’m not sleeping with you” Yut Lung said coldly. 

Chang threw back his head and laughed  “ I’ll be the first to admit,  i’m a huge piece of shit but even I’m not that much of a turd.“ 

“ So what do you want then?” 

“ The bragging rights of turning a whore into a triad head” Mr Chang said dryly. “ I could do it better then my Fair Lady” 

Yut Lung  smiles sharply “ I will find out eventually” 

“ Dessert?” 

Yut Lung shook his head “ I don’t eat sweets…he would…..” Then Yut Lung’s eyes narrow with determination  “ Actually i’d love dessert” 

“  One treat won’t do anything honestly you could stand to gain a few pounds.”  Mr Chang argued.. Something on the salty side would suit your tastes ?” 

“Approrite” Yut Lung smiled.

Mr Chang slide a folder across the table to Yut Lung. 

The boy riffled though it surprise lighting up his face. 

“ You were never going to be in the know  not in his, organization….what are you even doing for him?” 

Yut Lung’s face said it all. 

Chang was amused  “ Let me guess ….he still see’s you as that little bed warmer with no actual skills” 

“ Its fine” 

Pretty smile portraying the right amount of teeth. Practiced, rehearseda a little robo doll. He’s seething inside Chang suspects. 

“ A favor like this doesn’t come free, what do you want?” 

Chang lights his cigar. “ Lets cut the shit! I know you made some bad business deals lately. Hardly a dent in your blood fortune, but its clear you were never groomed to head the Lee family. Simply to be a bargaining chip in the middle of transactions.” 

“ Your offering to help me?” 

“ Kid, i’ll be  your god dam guardian angel. ” 

Yut Lung looked at him squarely “ And the old man?” 

“ I’d rather eat my own shit then work with that idolt” Chang said bluntly. 

“ Ah but you see him and I are friends as well” 

“ Before you turn those documents into Dino in an attempt to gain favor, i’d suggest you think about your position…..” Mr Chang suggested. 

“ Are you threatening me , now that’s not very friendly is it?” Yut Lung asked with false innocence

“ I don’t need to do anything. A stupid predator, is still a threat to its prey. He’ll smell your venerability like a shark can sniff blood in the water.” Chang informs him.  “ His kind always does its like second nature for them” 

“ Can you smell me Mr Chang?” there’s a challenge in his voice. 

“ You reek of wine, and i’m not just talking social drinking.” he takes another drag of his smoke. Its an obvious sign the kid isn’t coping well. There’s a hint of vomit there too even his perfumes cann’t hide. He’s not just hitting the champane he’s drinking until he passes out or gets sick. 

He notices the tensing of Yut Lung’s long fingers. 

 “ Relax kid, i’m not going to devour you , after all we’re… friends now” he says mockingly. 

“ A large piece of pecan pie please after all you wouldn’t want me to still have an appetite after i’m done” Yut Lung looks him dead in the sunglasses. 

Mr Chang bursts  out laughing

[1rakus]

Here’s a little Id indicator so if anyone has further questions I can answer: 🐈

OK so I just finished studying abroad in China and hopefully I will never have to worry about this story ever again lolllllll.

I’m studying/was studying w a bunch of other USAmericans (all straight guys except for me (neither of those things) and another guy (only 1 of those things) A lot of them got really into the Shanghai clubbing scene and made friends w some other Chinese college students. ONE of them the most whitest guy in our group w blonde hair blue eyes and big pointy nose hooked up with a girl at the club and started dating her ~2 months before we left, which is fine except for the fact that she was SEVENTEEN. (ILLEGAL IN CHINA TOO BTW NOT JUST THE US (he’s 22 or 23 BTWWWW)) I really don’t know what her deal was very much but later in this story I interrogated the guy w my roommates and apparently she’s taking a gap semester (FROM **HIGH SCHOOL**) because her parents are getting a divorce. Also, she’s not even from Shanghai, she’s from Shenyang (WAYYYY north an 19 hour drive away from Shanghai) so she was fucking. Living in his apartment room for like 2 months and they did not ask his roommates if that was ok.

This is all bad enough, but apparently about a month into dating together and living in his apparartment she started getting bored when he had classes and was out. So, instead of going out by herself, or getting a hobby, she decided to adopt a kitten! She tells the guy hey let’s adopt a kitten, he considers it for less than 15 mins and they fucking go to a cat store and adopt a kitten. When he’s about to go back to the us in 3 weeks. They post the kitten on their wechats and dress him in little clothes and stuff and do a kind of ohhh isn’t it cute that we have a kitten now bit for about 1 week (they adopted the kitten on Sunday may 19). On Tuesday may 21st, the guy decides to go traveling around southern China and leaves the kitten w the girl. On Thursday may 23rd, my roommates go to help give the kitten medicine because he had ear mites and the girl is like heyyy I actually want to go to Suzhou for like. A night. Actually scratch that like 2-3 nights. Can you take care of the kitten? She had not met my roommates previously neither had the USguy but they sure were willing to leave the kitten in our dorm room! I was out of town at the time, but when I got back on Sunday the 26th, the kitten was still in our dorm room, the girl was back, but posting herself getting cocktails and coffee on her WeChat moments having never asked once about how her kitten was doing at a strangers house. At this point my roommates and I were very worried that with how irresponsible these two had acted when it came down to it and they couldn’t take care of the kitten anymore they would just abandon him on the streets and basically leave him to die, so we staged an intervention first w the guy and then w the two of them.

When we confronted the guy, he literally blamed her for everything, saying “oh it’s his first pet” and “she has a cat at home, so I figured she knew what she was doing.” SCUMMY, but unfortunately I was not surprised because at this point to me he was the scum of the earth. When we confronted the two of them it seemed like she had actually come up with a plan on her own, to take the kitten back to her hometown w her and give him to her aunt! My roommates and I were very relieved because 1) there was finally an adult involved in this situation and 2) we definitely couldn’t take the kitten w us because of import laws and how the flight would be so long it would actually be dangerous for the kitten’s health. So the kitten was guaranteed a future with someone who seemed to actually have experience caring for animals and also care for their well-being! We ended up keeping the kitten for one more night because the 2 of them wanted to go to Disneyland, and then, on Thursday the 30th, we returned the kitten. My roommates went traveling that day for the weekend, so I had the apartment to myself. That Friday I was a bit sick so took time to recover rather than checking on the kitten. That Saturday, I went to go see how the kitten was settling in, and apply his medicine. I hung out in their apartment for like 10-15 minutes and then they were like, “oh, we have to leave to ship him to shenyang!” I was like HUH? They had somehow gotten some pet transport service to get him on a train ride to Shenyang. In retrospect, this was a pretty good thing and probably set up by the aunt (cause those 2 definitely didn’t know what they were doing) but at the time holllyyyy shit did it freak me out!!!! I was following them around their apartment as they packed asking questions like, “you’re gonna give him water for the trip, right?! Right???!!!?!!?!” And making sure they gave him more than a days worth of food so he would have food on arrival and making sure that he had a cloth in his carrier and then they were off! It was actually a good service, not the thrown into a pile of luggage and left in a dark room w no food and water that I was catastrophising about at the time but wow! Did that freak me out!!

The kitten did arrive safely in Shenyang and the two of them also went there to introduce the USguy to her family I guess??? I mean. I don’t think that the relationship will last with him going back to the US (today, Jun 8) but we’ll see! I’m still on her WeChat moments and she literally posts when she gets her period so I will keep you posted on if/when they break up!

Anyway I need to tell as many people this fucking crazy story as possible because it was stressing me out soooo bad while it happened!

i can't describe my feeling right now

[innytoes]

Chaotic Writing Prompts

Did you seriously eat all my Oreos?

Can I pet your dog?

We do not need that many tiny pumpkins.

Want to help egg my ex’ house?

Can I get a kid’s menu and a rum and coke, please?

At least your hair still looks good.

I’m a real adult, just last week I bought a vegetable.

What do you mean, ‘whoops’?

Get in the fucking blanket fort.

Please stop talking about how you want to bang my dad.

If it helps, this isn’t actually my cat.

This was supposed to be a date?

I have such soft hair and nobody is playing with it!

I’m sorry, what were you saying? I saw a dog and I stopped listening.

I want to sit on their lap and feed them grapes.

Go step on a lego.

Sorry your crotch is bleeding.

Be gay, do crime.

Why am I in your phone as ‘himbo number two’?

Oh no, she’s hot.

Go take a nap and maybe you’ll feel better.

He’s such a nerd.

That’s not a cat it’s an opossum.

Are you crying about dogs on the internet again?

For the love of all that is holy, please go to sleep.

I’m sorry my cat keeps stealing your underwear.

It’s my emotional support Furby.

Why are we running?

Sorry isn’t going to bring back the last slice of cheesecake.

Harold, they’re lesbians.

He knows the names of all my plants, I’m in love.

Are you drunk?

I’m just saying it could be a ghost.

Excuse me, I think you mean I just won a staring contest with a turtle.

I’m not annoyed that’s just my face.

You already did the stupid thing, didn’t you?

She’s so pretty it makes me want to punch myself.

Not today, Satan.

Maybe today, Satan.

It’s a good thing you’re cute.

Want to help me steal the neighbour’s cat?

Bad and naughty children get wrapped up in the blanket burrito for their crimes.

Sorry to text so late, can your dog come over?

You tried, buddy.

Fuck you, I’m a delight.

Why do you need 500 worms-on-a-string?

First of all, no. Second of all, no.

How many cups of coffee have you had?

They’re so small, I can’t protect them.

You know that phrase ‘fuck around, find out’? Well, I fucked around and found out.

You’d marry me if I asked, right?

Don’t worry, I think I have a tumblr mutual in this country that could help us.

I like your stupid face.

Sounds illegal, I’m in.

It’s three in the morning why are you in my kitchen?

Don’t be such a drama llama.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t catcalling you, I was catcalling my buddy.

If we get caught, I’m blaming you.

I regret to inform you that the straights are at it again.

Okay... this looks bad.

I killed you in the Sims, I’m a terrible friend.

Please stop talking.

Why are all my friends so pretty?

Pay attention to me, I’m cute and needy.

“Why is he on the counter?” / “He likes to feel tall.”

I like your shoelaces.

[evansbby]

Ari and bunny baby are just too cute 🥹🫶!!!

I can’t get over how he’s just sooooo in awe of her 🥹!!! He’s seriously sat there just looking at her and admiring her sweetness and innocence and adorableness uuuhhh it makes my heart swell that he’s actually head over heels for her 🫶🫶🫶

But fuck, you look way too cute — it should be illegal. With your fluffy little ears covering your face bashfully and your tail twitching against his leg as you cuddle into him. Goddamit, why did you have to be so cuddly and cute??

Lloyd would probably say that Ari was completely wrapped around your pinkie finger but the truth is that Ari can’t help but find you so adorable. And it’s not like you misbehave on purpose—you can’t help it that you’re so dumb and can’t understand right from wrong most of the time. Awww Ari making excuses for his baby bunny’s misbehaviours - we love a forgiving king 🥹🫶

How can Ari stay mad at you? When you look so cute and innocent? He can’t help but rain kisses all over your face till you’re giggling once more, your tears drying in your cheeks as you promise never to say the bad word ever again.

Ari says as he tugs your ear playfully before kissing your tears off your cheek.

His huge softness and awe for her with his dark depraved assertiveness (I mean he’s still ready to belt her and put her in her cage if he feels like it 😵🥵) is such a sexi combination omfg

I love that she has just his number as her only phone contact awww, and the emojis she added next to his name hnkjahshw she’s so cute 🥰🫶 And she uses her phone to learn how to cook her man yummy meals and send him adorable goofy snaps that no doubt bring a huge smile to his face 🥹 I can’t, she’s just so precious 🫶

It’s also really sweet that Ari takes some time to get to know her beloved stuffies because he knows she cares so much for them 🥹

Ari smiles, “Good bunny. Now, why don’t you play with your stuffies instead? Who’s this guy?” He picks up a toy at random, and it happens to be a golden stuffed monkey. “That’s Mr Cheeseburger.” “Okay, well, play with Mr Cheeseburger, honey. While daddy does his work.” Ari settled you down on the floor by his feet before going back to his laptop.

Mr Cheeseburger!!! Bestie you always make the cutest names for your fanfic stuffie cinematic universe!!! This is how I see Mr Cheeseburger - he’s got Ari’s blue eyes 🥹 and his dashing red corduroy overalls with the yellow buttons made me think of tomato and cheese on a cheeseburger heehee 🥰

The imagine of baby bunny playing with her cute stuffie beside Ari’s feet whilst he’s sat on a chair on his laptop doing business … HAWT 🔥!!!

And Lloyd and his kitten!! Lloyd the sociopathic heartless ruthless kidnapper + torturer + murderer the absolute menace of a man has captivated me since the second I laid eyes on him when watching TGM, so to know that here he actually loves his kitten whilst also committing sadistic acts of dominance - I am YEARNING, my pelvis is ACHING 😩 I know Lloyd and his kitty are barely side characters but oh Lloyd as a deliciously cruel owner of a hybrid who he’s in love with aaaahhhhhhh I’m sat here internally screaming and externally weeping 😩🫶

- 💙

Ahhh bestie!!! I’m so happy you liked this sweet self indulgent little drabble with Ari and his baby bunny😌🐰 they’re my fav couple fr bc they’re so cute !!

Yes, Ari always makes excuses for his baby bc she’s so cute and innocent and he low-key doesn’t love punishing her! He has to do it bc sometimes he needs to be strict with her but he lets her get away with a lot!

Omg and bestie this is the perfect face claim for Mr Cheeseburger! It looks like a McDonald’s happy meal with the colours!!! I love it! Bunny loves playing with her stuffies by her daddy’s feet bc he sometimes reaches down and pets her head and sometimes he even joins in and plays with her 😭😭😭

Also omg I think I’m gonna have to write a spin-off about Lloyd and his kitten!

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Is this eagle video cute? Are they supposed to be handled that way? You've talked a lot about owl petting, but I can't remember what you've said about raptors such as an eagle. https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/comments/xlo85n/who_would_have_thought_that_eagles_could_be_so/

This is one of those videos that is just frustrating to me.

I believe I looked into this a year or so ago and found it was indeed at a reputable facility, but I may be confusing it with a similar video as there are quite a few with this species unfortunately.

So, this is a wedge tailed eagle. They do, for some reason, tend to show a genuine affinity to having their faces rubbed in captivity. It is occasionally seen in golden eagles as well which makes some sense as the two are close relatives.

I’m sure you’re wondering what the catch is.

On the surface, yes, it’s cute. The bird is leaning into and encouraging the affection, so where is the issue?

The issue is that it promotes a very dangerous image to the public that these animals are pets, that they just love people and are so wonderful in captivity that if you got one it would be just the most special thing.

Now I know, if you’re in North America, the idea sounds absurd. “Who’s just going to go out and buy an eagle?!”, right? “You can’t even legally do that! Where would they even get one?!” and I do understand that. However, I will tell you right now from experience that the average layman cannot tell a wedge tailed eagle from any other bird with a hooked beak that is vaguely larger than a sparrow. I have gotten into very exhausting arguments with people in the past that the fallen baby they’re terrified to touch for fear of getting bitten or taloned is not in fact a baby eagle, but instead a nestling dove. Almost every person who brings me a hawk or buzzard will call it an eagle or just ask me what it is to avoid looking silly. In the US, illegal or not, you can absolutely obtain a hawk or buzzard. Fallen nestling Cooper’s hawk? Red tail hit by a car and survived? To some people, that’s all they need to decide they have a new “pet” raptor. It seems far fetched but I cannot express how many people have completely earnestly asked me what they need to keep a pet owl or hawk. I cannot express how many rehab calls I get from people who don’t want to actually bring the bird in and instead want me to walk them through raising a “pet” bird for themselves. When pressed for why they think it’s even remotely a good idea, they will usually admit to seeing some video or another of someone who had an owl or some such other raptor in a pet setting and that the videos were just “so cute” they wanted that themselves. It happens far more than you would expect.

Add in the fact that there are several countries where… you very much can feasibly just buy one of these eagles if you have enough money and know the right people and have it fully legal as an option to you, and you do indeed run into a huge problem. Thankfully wedge tails and other eagles are less common as impulse pets in these places due to the price tag being a bit higher than these sorts expect and reputable breeders only selling to falconers or other breeders, but there is a fairly large problem of exotic raptors being loose in the UK due to people buying them and having no clue what to do with them. Usually eagle owls, barn owls, and Harris’s hawks, but falcon hybrids are also frequently lost from carelessness and ignorance. The UK is not the only country this occurs in.

I do apologize that I went off on quite a long tangent. To tie this up, I will restate that yes, the video itself in a vacuum is perfectly fine, the eagle is enjoying itself! However, under no circumstances should this have been posted publicly, especially not re-posted and stripped of the original context. This eagle was in good hands, but the average person seeing it will not know that.

I will also add that wedge tails are quite large and can be dangerous to their handlers. It is objectively not safe to do this in many cases as a result. But again, most people seeing the video will not realize that. Which puts those who are in a place they can feasibly obtain a large eagle in more danger. It’s the sort of video that makes me cringe because I know the demographic drawn in by it, and I will say they are some of the most obnoxious and frustrating people I have to deal with in real life.

[westanthewaterman]

Risky Business - Illinois x F!Reader 2/3

Rating: NSFW

Word count: 1600+

TW: car sex, unprotected sex, light possessive behavior

Notes: Whee this one was so much fun to write. I may do more with this reader character because I really like them.

MASTERLIST - AO3 - M!READER VERSION - PART ONE

The sound of an alarm and people yelling fill your ears as you book it to the red Jeep waiting outside. The two of you pile in and without a backward glance, Illinois turns the key and slams his foot on the gas, peeling out of the parking lot and down the road, leaving dust and tire smoke in your wake.

You tuck the statue under your seat and sigh, finally feeling like you can breathe.

“Put your seat belt on.”

“What?”

“I said put your seatbelt on, sweetheart. We don’t wanna get pulled over carrying something we shouldn’t be.”

Rolling your eyes, you buckle your seatbelt and cross your arms over your chest. “Happy?”

“Always when you’re around.”

Illinois smirks and suddenly you remember how it felt to have those lips on yours not even ten minutes prior, the thought sending heat rising to your face. In an effort to distract yourself, you shift your eyes to the rearview mirror to watch as the building gets smaller and smaller on the horizon.

“I can’t believe we managed that.”

“Thought we weren’t gonna make it out of there?”

You shake your head. “Honestly, didn’t think I’d be able to distract that guard long enough. Really glad you showed up when you did, I did not want things to keep going the way they were.”

You notice Illinois’s hands tighten around the steering wheel and his jaw clenches.

“Would you…have let things keep going?”

“I wouldn’t have had sex with him if that’s what you’re asking. But maybe a little heavy petting, I don’t know.”

His eyes jump to you, briefly sliding down to your lips before returning to the road. Heat flares up in your chest and you smirk, eyeing him up and down.

“You are so jealous.”

“I am not jealous,” he huffs.

“No, no, you really are. I think it’s cute. How long have you been wanting to kiss me like that, Illi?”

“Cute.” He scoffs. “Enough teasing, I need to focus on my drivin’.”

“No way, I came with you to do this stupid job out of the kindness of my heart, I get to tease you all I want.”

“The kindness of your heart, huh? You sure it wasn’t anything else? Don’t think I haven’t seen the way you’ve been lookin’ at me all night, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I see,” he chuckles, “all talk but you can’t take the heat can you?”

Illinois pulls one of his hands off the steering wheel and places it on your thigh, fingers digging into your skin lightly. Your breath catches in your throat and you lick your lips, that fire inside you consuming your whole body.

“Go on, pretty thing, tell me I’m wrong.”

You whimper. You fucking whimper and Illinois gives you a shit-eating grin and that dark look from earlier. You wanna smack that smile off his stupid, handsome face but something catches your eye. Your graze drops down to his lap where you can see his hard-on straining against his dress pants (that look so fucking good on him it should be illegal with how well they hug his ass and thighs).

Before he can make some teasing quip about the sound you just made, you reach over and cup him through his pants. The car jolts suddenly, rocking you both sideways before straightening out on the road again.

“Warn a guy first, sweetheart.”

“Sorry, it just seemed like you had a very pressing matter that needed my attention.”

“Yeah? You so hungry for it you can’t even wait till we get to the safe house?”

“Can you wait that long?” You undo his belt and tug his zipper down, relishing the way his adam's apple bobs.

Slipping your hand into his boxers, you wrap your fingers around his cock and pull it out for you to see. He’s fully hard, the tip red and leaking precum onto your fingers. Illinois groans as you start to stroke him slowly.

“Darlin’, you gotta stop; I can’t drive while you touch me like that.”

“Then pull over.”

He looks you up and down for a moment before turning on his signal and pulling off the road onto an empty lot. Once the car is parked and the engine is off, Illinois curls his hand around the back of your neck and tugs you towards him, pressing your lips together.

This kiss is much more relaxed and unhurried than the one you’d shared earlier and you feel yourself melt into it. You bury your free hand in his hair, messing up his styled locks and coaxing a groan from him.

Illinois pulls away to press kisses up and down your throat, keeping you as close as he can with the console between you.

“Illi,” you breathe, resuming your slow strokes over his cock.

“Fuck, darlin’, been thinkin’ about this all night. You look so good all dressed up like this, had to fight to keep my hands off you.”

“I don’t think you did a very good job.”

He laughs, “Couldn’t help myself, seeing you with that guard got me all worked up.”

“I noticed.”

Illinois groans and grabs your wrist, pulling your hand off his cock. “Don’t wanna wait anymore, sweetheart. Why don’t you go climb into the backseat and let me take care of you?”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

You step out of the car and climb into the backseat quickly, stretching out across the leather seats as best you can. Illinois joins you in the back, pushing your legs open and kneeling on the seat between your thighs.

“God, you’re gorgeous, sweetheart.” He ducks down to press a kiss to your lips, his hands slipping under the hem of your dress and pushing it up to your waist.

A moan escapes your lips as he runs his fingers over you through the fabric of your underwear.

“So wet. Who’s this for, baby? Was it for that guard back at the party?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“Oh yeah? Then who’s it for? Tell me.”

You open your mouth to respond but he slips your underwear off your legs and slides two fingers through your folds.

“Go on, baby. Tell me who got you all wet like this.”

“You, Illi, it was all you.”

“That’s what I wanna hear.” Illinois starts to rub his thumb over your clit in slow circles while two of his fingers slip inside you easily. “Who do you belong to, sweetheart?”

Your back arches and you moan, grabbing the front of his shirt. “Y-You.”

“Good girl. You’re mine and nobody else gets to touch you.”

He curls his fingers and you swear you see starts flicker behind your eyes as you writhe beneath him. “Illinois, please. I want you so bad.”

“I know you do, baby. That’s why you kissed him, isn’t it? You wanted me to see so I’d show you who you belong to. Don’t worry, darlin’, I’m gonna do just that.”

Illinois pulls his fingers from you and reaches down to stroke himself as he guides the head of his cock to your entrance. He sinks into you slowly and you can feel the way he stretches you open so perfectly. You moan his name, throwing your head back against the car seat.

“Fuck, better than I imagined. Does it feel good, sweetheart?”

You nod, squeezing your eyes shut and rolling your hips down, trying to get him to move.

“Be a good girl and use your words for me. Tell me how good my cock is making you feel.”

“Illi, please,” you whine, “feels so good but I need more. I need you to fuck me, please .”

“Just what I wanted to hear, baby.”

He pulls out until only the head of his cock is inside you and slams back in with enough force to rock the car. He sets a slow pace of brutal thrusts, forcing a moan from your throat with each one.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down so he’s completely pressed against you. The new angle allows him to go even deeper and the head of his cock hits your sweet spot straight on, sending jolts of electricity up your spine.

“Illinois,” you gasp.

“Was that it?”

You nod frantically and he thrusts into you again, nailing your sweet spot once again. Illinois picks up his pace, slamming into you over and over again, aiming his thrusts perfectly to have you racing towards your end. One of his hands slips between your legs to start toying with your clit and you cry his name.

“I-Illi, I’m- fuck , I’m gonna cum.”

“Go on, sweetheart. Be a good girl and cum on my cock, show me who you belong to.”

You clamp down around him, cumming with a long moan of his name as pleasure crashes over you. Illinois isn’t far behind, hips stilling as he empties inside you, filling you with warmth. The two of you lay still as you catch your breath.

Slowly, Illinois pulls out of you, tucking himself back into his pants and stroking a hand over your cheek. “You okay?”

“Way more than okay.”

“Good.”

You sit up, stretching your arms out and wiggling any soreness from your muscles. Out of the corner of your eyes, you see something in the darkness.

“Illinois, we need to go. Now.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Just go, drive.”

You clumsily climb back into the passenger seat and Illinois follows your lead, plopping himself down behind the wheel and turning the ignition. As he pulls out of the lot, his eyes flicker to the rearview mirror and he sees the cop car drive slowly by the lot you were just in.

“That was a close one.”

“Yeah, there’s no way I’m going back to prison and definitely not for something as stupid as public indecency. I don’t wanna go back to Happy Trails.”

“D’you say Happy Trails?”

“Yeah, that’s where me and Mark ended up after that botched museum job we did. He still owes me big for that one.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I know a guy in there.”

[poly-pan-0118]

Between Blue Flames and Red Wings

Pt2

You quickly dropped your hand and your face felt as if it was lit on fire. “Keigo, what are you doing here?” You asked in a surprised voice. 

“I wanted to make sure we were still on for tomorrow lil dove” Keigo said smugly, adding that little term of endearment deliberately side eyeing Touya. You wondered why he had to come by and ask you this at almost two in the morning when just a few hours ago you both planned this out. Then you caught the way he and Touya were glaring at each other, and it hit you. You remembered back to the summer you stayed here. Shouto had a little crush on you and you thought it was cute how the young boy would bring you flowers from his mother's garden and hold doors for you. Keigo on the other hand was a jealous brat about it. He would taunt Shouto and tease him. Tell him he was too young to have a girlfriend. Keigo was a sweetheart to you, but he was a jerk to Shouto. Well Keigo, time for a taste of your own medicine.   

“Thank you, Y/N,” Touya said standing up. His hand ghosted yours as if he wanted to hold it but changed his mind at the last minute, “but I think it’s time I go” he said turning towards the door and looking at Keigo. Did he want to leave you? No. Did he want to leave you alone with Keigo? Hel no. Keigo knew how to push his buttons and he knew it. He didn’t want to risk acting a fool in front of you. 

“Touya wait” you said, reaching to grab hold of his hand before he could step away. “Would you, maybe wanna come with us?” you asked. You could hear Keigo take in a deep breath as Touya eyed you quizzically. “The Blossom fest I mean” you explained yourself. You watched as Touya’s face turned three different shades of pink and then, he smiled. Touya Todoroki smiled, and you thought your heart melted right then and there. 

“You want me to come with you?” he asked meekly, his voice barely audible. 

“Ahem, and me,” Keigo interjected, sounding almost like a question.

“Of course,” you said a little too excitedly, “I mean, I need someone to show me around. I don’t wanna be stuck with this big oaf all day” you said, gesturing to Keigo with a sly smile. 

“Hey, I’m right here you know,” Keigo said, grasping his chest, feigning heartache. 

“I don’t know,” Touya said thinking about it. He wanted nothing more than to hang out with you all day but did he really want to watch Keigo make moves on you all day long and furthermore watch you fall for them?

“Please Touya?” you pleaded and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Now how can he say no to that? Your pouty face, letting his name roll off your tongue so sweetly. That look should be illegal for the things it did to his heart. 

“Okay” Touya said, watching your eyes light up and he smiled again. He couldn't remember the last time he smiled so much in one day. He wondered what spell you put on him. “Umm, I should get going then” he said trying to walk away but you still held his hands, “Oh, what time are we leaving?” 

“Eight o’clock on the dot bro” Keigo said smiling, “Don’t be late or we’ll leave without you” Touya looked over to you quickly, his eyes darting back and forth between yours. You saw his worries and swiftly corrected Keigo. 

“We won’t leave without you” you rolled your eyes at Keigo, silently chastising him. You rubbed your thumb over his hand to silently reassure him and he gave it a little squeeze again. Touya looked at your lips and then to your eyes and back to your lips. He wanted to kiss you. You knew he wanted to kiss you. You bit your bottom lip at watching his face overcome with desire. 

“Well, this has been fun,” Keigo mumbled. His fake smile dropped and he actually looked peeved at what he was witnessing.  “We have to get up early to get a good spot”

Touya lifted the hand you were still holding and brought it to his lips. “Goodnight, angel” he said with a smirk and gave you a small peck on the back of your hand. Touya thought it was only right he’d give you a pet name too. Something that suits you better than Dove. He took his leave, not even acknowledging Keigo as he walked by. 

“Goodnight, Y/N” Keigo said in a low voice then turned to leave, leaving you standing there stunned at what all that just happened. You didn’t realize you had brought your hand that Touya kissed to your mouth and held it to your lips. You asked yourself what exactly would have happened tonight if Keigo hadn’t interrupted. You weren't imagining things, right? You saw the want in Touya’s eyes. But what about Keigo? The way he was acting towards Touya, clearly, he was jealous and trying to show off in front of him. 

When Keigo found out you were coming to visit he immediately canceled everything he had planned for the summer not knowing for sure the exact date you were going to come. When he heard you had arrived, he rushed to the Todoroki’s home and found you sitting next to the garden pond. He was a bit surprised to see Touya there. He hardly ever visited home. When you stood up and ran over to him it seemed as if time itself stopped. He got lost in your embrace when you hugged him. It was soft and warm, and he didn’t want to let you go. Standing before him doing a little twirl showing off how much you’ve grown made his heart flutter and his face heat up. He always thought you were beautiful but now you were… Perfect.  

Keigo wanted to grab you and keep all your attention when you chased after Touya. He didn't understand why you gave in to his little temper tantrum. Far as he knew, you never really talked to him before. So why the sudden interest? Keigo thought he had it made when you agreed to go to the Blossom festival with him, but then you had to go and invite him.  He was devastated. Keigo doesn't know why he found himself at your room in the middle of the night but he’s glad he did. Standing outside your door thinking of what to say he heard your sweet voice.

“Touya, look at me please” 

Touya? What the fuck is he doing there? 

Keigo’s mind was racing. Your door was ajar, so he slowly peeked in. He felt bad for snooping, but he couldn't resist. The temptation was right there. He quickly wished he hadn’t. You were holding Touya’s face in your hand and he so badly wished it was his you were touching. He watched as both your bodies unknowingly drifted closer. He had to do something. 

Keigo huffed as he laid there in his bed thinking of what he walked in on. Did he still have a chance with you? Keigo was a natural born winner. He never lost at anything, and he wasn’t about to now. 

When Touya reached his room he flopped on the bed, his long legs dangling halfway off. He brought his fingertips to his lips. I Kissed her. No, it wasn't your lips but Touya still kissed you. His lips touched your skin and he loved every moment of it, and he wanted more, so much more. He wanted his lips to feel every inch of your body. His cock began to throb as he imagined what you would taste like. Palming himself he got lost in his thoughts, daydreaming of what you’ll look like in those dresses tomorrow. 

Back in your room, you finished doing some unpacking and straightening up. The whole time you replayed what happened with Touya tonight. His face felt so warm in your hand. His scars felt so rough, and you couldn't imagine the pain he was in. You wanted to ask him what happened to receive such burns but thought it best to let him tell you when he felt comfortable doing so, if he ever did. You laid in bed on your back propped up a bit with your pillows staring at the two dresses you had hanging on the closet door. Which one would you choose to wear?

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (38)

Festus: Yo, guys, do you want to sneak inside the school kitchen and cook something?

Persephone: Sure. I’m kinda hungry.

Coryo: Count me in, Creed.

Felix: Yeah. Besides, this stupid assignment- I mean, punishment from Dr. Gaul is draining me to death.

Apollo: True. Writing a 12 page essay on why I should be turned into a mutt is quite difficult.

Diana: And weird.

Clemensia: And illegal!

Coryo: This assignment shouldn’t even exist!

Urban: But the “penducks” and the “pongaroos” should.

Pup: “Capysels” forever!

Clemensia: What the heck are you guys talking about?!

Juno: Our cute new pets.

Pup: Our adorable new friends.

Dennis: My new illegal business.

Festus: The new meat menu.

Coryo: Well, I think the “Boa Pup” is still the cutest mutt in theory.

Io: Ughhh! Who cares about your cat-dog creature! My hand hurts! I can’t do this anymore!

Livia: You’re all just jealous because I’m already done with mine.

Sejanus: No way, Cardew. How is that even possible?!

Livia: Obviously, I’m a genius.

Coryo: Obviously, you just wrote down the lyrics of ✨Material Girl✨ to fill in the blanks.

Livia: How did you-

Coryo: Your paper doesn’t even have a single word of “mutt” or “Dr. Gaul” in it.

Livia: Shut up, orphan! Your accusations are making me hungry!

Festus: Finally! The rich banker has spoken! To the kitchen we go!

Lysistrata: Wait a minute, does anyone even know how to cook? I mean, no offense, but just look at us.

Palmyra: I do! I know how to cook! I can even-

Florus: Except you, Palmyra. You’re not even allowed to cook in front of me, unless the government or the President says otherwise.

Gaius: And thank Panem for that.

Palmyra: Why?🥺

Everyone: You know why!

Palmyra: You guys are so mean!

Florus: Says the one who refused to pay our outrageous hospital bills.

Coryo: I can’t even afford to stay in the hospital while my family’s drowning in taxes and debts.

Palmyra: Oh, c’mon! You guys only stayed there for a month!

Festus: A month of torture!

Felix: And humiliation!

Coryo: I’m freaking poor, Monty! Do you even know how hard it was for me to pay them back?!

Palmyra: Oh, please~. It wasn’t that hard, was it?😗

Coryo: Try saying that again when you’re forced to go on a blind date with a drunk Strabo Plinth and the ever creepy Mr. Heavensbee by your own evil grandmother and cousin!

Lysistrata: Oh, Panem! Strabo Plinth was your other date?!🤣

Hilarius: My creepy old man did what?!

Coryo: Creepy Mr. Heavensbee even asked me to invite Felix to come over and hangout with him the next time around.

Felix: Which is never, right?

Coryo: Don’t worry, Class Pres. I told him that you’re too busy dating someone from the outer Districts.

Felix: Who?!

Coryo: Honestly, I just made it up.

Clemensia: Imagine Felix freaking Ravinstill dating someone from the Districts.

Arachne: True. Seeing the President’s favorite grandnephew holding hands with a District born will surely give his family the greatest heart attack of all time.

Felix: To be honest, I would rather date someone from the Districts than spend an hour or two with creepy Mr. Heavensbee Sr.

Sejanus: Ughhh! I still can’t believe my evil dad tried to steal my gorgeous boyfriend from me!😩

Coryo: To be fair, my love, your father was already drunk and high as the moon when we met that night. And also, he genuinely thought that I was the ever gorgeous Crassus Xanthos Snow.

Sejanus: Oh, thank Panem!

Hilarius: How about my creepy old man?! Was he drunk as a clown on wheels when he met you that night?!

Coryo: Mr. Heavensbee wasn’t drunk at all. He was sober AF.

Hilarius: Oh, thank Panem-

Coryo: However, he did offer to pay off all of my family’s debts if I gave him my skirt and a kiss on both cheeks.

Hilarius: He said what?!😱

Sejanus: Did you?! I mean, did you kiss him, my love?🥺

Coryo: Ew. No. Of course not! He was a freaking creep and I was already dating you, Babe!

Sejanus: My Snow Bae really does love me!🥹

Coryo: Of course I do, you idiot! Those sandwiches you gave me were freaking delicious!

Hilarius: And nothing happened after that, right?

Coryo: I kind of “accidentally” punched your creepy old man and knocked him out when he tried to touch my face.

Hilarius: That’s fine with me.

Coryo: Also, I secretly stole his expensive gold encrusted wristwatch and his exclusive diamond shaped wallet.

Androcles: Nice one, Snowy!

Hilarius: Bro, I’m not even mad.

Sejanus: At least my scheming dad didn’t remember that night.

Lysistrata: Imagine going out on a blind date with your gorgeous future son—in-law.😂

Coryo: Even worse. Mr. Plinth was always bringing up his past romantic relationship with my super hot dead dad.😔

Festus: What’s so bad about that? I mean, who wouldn’t want to date the ever gorgeous Crassus Snow? Even my dad wanted to-

Coryo: Oh, shut up, Creed! I don’t want to hear another word about my super hot dead dad!

Sejanus: My father’s just jealous that I’m gonna marry my lovely Snow Bae~.😘

Felix: Try saying that in front of Dean Highbottom.

Sejanus: Sure! I’ll even-

Festus: Can we go back to cooking already? I’m still hungry, ya know!

Androcles: Oh, yeah! Sejanus, you know how to cook, right?😀

Sejanus: Honestly, cooking and baking are very different things. Just ask my boyfriend~.😘

Coryo: Wait, what?! No! I just know how to cook cabbages and beans! I can’t even afford my own groceries!

Festus: To be fair, your iconic cabbage cake was delicious.

Coryo: Thanks, but I think Iphigenia knows more than me-

Iphigenia: Oh, no. My talent for cooking is kinda bad.

Dennis: That’s impossible! Your family runs the freaking food industry!

Iphigenia: Seriously, I only know how to fry carrots and potatoes.

Coryo: Gaius, do you-

Gaius: Me?! Cook?! My precious hands haven’t even touched a stove yet! Besides, I only know how to “cook up” jokes.

Persephone: Well, if you can provide me a maid-

Coryo: How about you, Class Pres?

Felix: I’m not even allowed to enter my own kitchen without ten to twenty servants watching my every move. Maybe Hilarius-

Hilarius: No, not me! Do you want the school to accidentally explode because of my stupidity?!

Urban: Vipsania?

Vipsania: Don’t even ask. I only know how to make protein shakes.

Felix: How about Andie-

Androcles: Stealing eggs for breakfast is very different from cooking them, Class Pres!

Juno: Well, don’t look at me. A Phipps would never ever get their hands dirty-

Dennis: Nobody asked you, Juno~.🙄

Juno: Shut up, Dennis! Go suck a di-

Sejanus: How about you, Domitia?

Domitia: Milking cows and selling butter is all I’m good at. However, Lizzie-

Lysistrata: You are asking the wrong person, Tia. I only know how to “cook” dru-

Felix: And for legal reasons, let’s just ask the next person! Festus, do you-

Festus: Nope. I only dumpster dive for food. How about Florus-

Florus: Shut it, Creed! I’m not touching or cooking anything!

Coryo: Well, Urban-

Urban: My anger issues banned me from cooking. How about Io-

Io: Don’t test me, Canville. Do you want me to accidentally create another mini nuclear reactor?!

Coryo: Apollo? Diana?

Apollo: Unfortunately, I only know how to make purple tea.

Diana: And I only know how to cut and fry onions for fun.

Sejanus: Pup?

Pup: Nobody likes my soup.

Felix: Ugh! forget it! Let’s just order takeouts and be done with it!

Clemensia: What the heck, you guys! Nobody even asked me if I can cook!

Arachne: Can you?

Clemensia: No.