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alexeiadrae · 2 years ago

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Mega Brand Q&A with Hajime Kanzaka January 2022 to May 2022, translated

Finally going through the archive. @kaette-kita-slayers did an amazing job translating the old ones from 2014 to 2017 so I’m going to start from 2022 and work back. June 2022 onward are already on my Tumblr and eventually I will see about getting something better organized for them.

05/2022

Q: In the demon world, Lina and her family are famous, but in the god world, how well-known are they?

KANZAKA: "In the world of the gods, there are only three dragon kings now, but they are well known because of their influence on the demons."

Q: At the beginning of the first volume, Gourry is impressed with Lina's ability to make a living when he sees her assembling her fishing gear. Is fishing an unusual way to procure food? How did Gourry procure food in the field and other places before he met Lina?

KANZAKA: "To secure food by fishing, of course you need a strong and thin line, and rough hair is not strong enough. In this sense, fishing is not a very common way to secure food. In the case of the general camps, including Gourry’s, most of the food is portable food, such as dried meat, and vegetable soup.

Q: I wonder what level of magical skills the Five Great Sages of our time, Rezo the Red Priest, had in the world of the world in which he worked. It seems that he was not able to concoct the Philosopher's Stone on his own, but he was able to restore a room that had been destroyed by a spell such as regression back to time, and he was able to use sufficiently inhuman magic, but was he comparable to the legendary mage Lei Magnus?

KANZAKA: "The title of the Five Great Sages is, of course, a designation given to him by others. In other words, Rezo was called this in recognition of the research he was able to bring to the public, so if we include the parts that he was unable to bring to the public, he achieved more results in a variety of fields. However, this is also true of Lei Magnus, and since the circumstances of the time were different, it is not possible to simply compare superiority and inferiority."

04/2022

Q: If a Demon King or a Demon Dragon King reincarnated as a human, or a human fused with a demon, such as a human-demon, has a child with an ordinary human, will that child inherit some demon-like qualities, such as a capacity for magic beyond that of a human or a preference for negative emotions?

KANZAKA: "There may be a slight tendency for the child to have a higher magical capacity than an ordinary person, but basically, the child is an ordinary human being, and the difference is merely one of "qualities"."

Q: Who sealed the Demon King of the North?

Rezo Shabranigdu says that he was sealed by the Dragon King of Heaven (the Sky Dragon King), but the lore says he was sealed by the Water Dragon King.

Since it was the Water Dragon King who actually fought him, I think it is more likely that he is the Water Dragon King, but the words of the person who was sealed are also highly credible.

KANZAKA: "The one in volume 1 is a mistake for the Water Dragon King. I'm really sorry."

Q: I heard that Amelia's mother passed away as a result of the assassination, but how was it ostensibly announced? Aside from the executioner, was the ringleader a member of the royal family? If so, was it hushed up to hide the scandal? If it was a cover-up, it may have contributed to Alfred's belief that it was okay for him to do what he did.

KANZAKA: "Ostensibly, it is said that he died of illness.

Naturally, there is no definite conclusion as to who the mastermind was, but there is an understanding among the people at the center, including the royal family, that 'the matter has been settled,' so the mastermind is probably being handled in secret."

03/2022

Q: I have a question about Zuma-Seigram, the fusion of Zuma and Seigram, how much stronger was each of them compared to the single unit?

Seeing that they were entrusted with the task of eliminating Lina, which Kanzel had failed to do, I wonder if Raltark's evaluation of Zuma-Seigram's strength was higher than that of Kanzel's?

KANZAKA: "The scary thing about Zuma-Seigram is not its simple specifications, but the fact that it combines the know-how of a skilled assassin with the strength of a demon tribe. Simply in terms of numerical specs as a demon tribe, he is not even far behind Kanzel."

Q: Zelgadis is misnamed by Lina and Gourry, but is it a rare name that is not very common in that world?

Lina remembers Sylphiel and Milgazia correctly the first time, so I don't think it's a case of "it's too long and I got it wrong".

KANZAKA: "It is certainly not a common name. Perhaps it was derived from something in the little-known lore per Rezo."

Q: I heard that Gourry's departure was not as young as the age at which Lina started her solo journey, and that he was 18 or 19 years old. Or was he just hanging out at home?

KANZAKA: "He wasn't working specifically, but he was training as a swordsman."

02/2022

Q: The Gaav camp seems to have been involved in various dark activities in the underworld, and I wonder if they were in contact with the Rezo faction and the remnants of the royal family of Ruvinagard.

In particular, I think that the technology for synthesizing human demons was quite useful in the war against the demons in the Kataart Mountains.

KANZAKA: "They may have been aware of our existence, but they were not in actual contact with each other, as careless contact would have simply resulted in a clash that would have worn each other down.

Whether or not there was a plan for contact is now unknown."

Q: Sylphiel says at the end of volume 8, "Eventually, I will qualify as a priestess and restore Sairaag.”

As of volume 3, she was even the Head Shrine Maiden of the large town of Sairaag. Is it more advantageous for her to have both qualifications to work toward reconstruction than to be a priestess only?

KANZAKA: "Having the title of priestess or priest may not necessarily help in the reconstruction of a city, but having the title will help attract more people and trust."

Q: Mr. Nunsa became famous for his "Lay an egg," and judging from this familiar way of saying it, has he said this line to many (fish) women in the past? I wonder how many children (fish?) he has actually had. Do you have many?

KANZAKA: "We can never rule out that possibility, but it is also possible that he was a caviar farmer in the past. He may have been talking to the plants with the same logic that plants grow better when they listen to classical music."

01/2022

Q: I wonder if this reflects your thoughts on the quality and quantity of each faction's subordinates.

For example, "The faction of the Greater Beast is small in number, but the quality of its members is high," or "The demon tribe under the Dynast is large in number but relatively weak.”

KANZAKA: "Even if such a concept existed at the upper levels of the demon factions, the lower you go, the more diverse or pre-diverse they become, so overall, they end up looking similar."

Q: Does Lina have any personal belongings that she has kept with her since the time she started her journey?

Does she prioritize escaping over luggage, or does she buy new ones when they break, so there are indeed no items that she has continued to carry with her from the beginning?

KANZAKA: "The bandana is the same. She also uses some of the 'jewel talismans' in different arrangements."

Q: Small reptiles have the ability to regenerate their tails, and recent research has shown that the American alligator, a large reptile, also has the ability to regenerate its tail.

So, do you think that the large lizards, the dragon tribe, can also regenerate their tails at least once, even if it is just the tip of the tail?

I apologize if they are not reptiles to begin with.

KANZAKA: "They may potentially have something similar to self-renewal capability, but since they are higher beings in the ecosystem, it probably won't actually be triggered."

#the slayers #hajime kanzaka #mega brand #megabura #q&a #lina inverse #zelgadis greywords #amelia wil tesla seyruun #nunsa #rezo the red priest #sylphiel nels lahda #mazoku barrier #gaav #zuma (slayers)#seigram #lei magnus

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prxncxsskitti · 2 years ago

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My Story with Age Regression!

TW!!!!

🧸pwease read dni before interacting!🧸

🎀I have been a regressor for a very long time, however like many in the clutches of 2014 internet, I was misguided in how I felt and later shut that part of me off.

🎀When i first discovered this about myself, I was led down the DD/LG rabbit hole. As an adult I came to realize that people were using my regression to gr00m me, not protect me.

🎀After fighting with myself for years when I’d notice myself feeling teeny, I went back to work researching and finally figured it out: Age Regression. I picked apart my entire whole brain!! I realized I had been regressing as a form of coping from childhood neglect, childhood(and adulthood) S/A, and as an all-around regulator for my bipolar post-diagnosis.

🎀I only recently started opening up about this to my s/o(dada💞) because its scary giving that vulnerability away. He makes me feel so safe and accepted, but I would love further advice on easing him into it, since we live together and it’s hard to hide.

🎀It took a very long time to open up enough to accept myself, and this account is my first step in joining the community. I just wanna thank you all, even though I’m new here I feel so so welcomed. We’re all gonna be best buddies!

#sfw agere #sfw age regression #sfw babyre #babyre #baby regression #age regression #age regression community #agere caregiver #agere aesthetic #agere community #sfw little one

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televisionvenus · 2 years ago

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yes I’m regressing back into my 2014 violet harmon american apparel tumblrina evan peters soft grunge era. no i will not be taking questions at this time.

#2014 tumblr #violet harmon #soft grunge #space nuggets

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cassiefisherdrake · 3 months ago

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Hi! 😊 In relation to your post about your cat waking you up- I’m not sure if this will work for you as all households and cats are different etc, but my cats used to wake us up relentlessly so now they are kept in a specific room of the house during the night, they “go to bed” just like we do, and we let them out when we give them breakfast. They have food, beds and litter trays etc overnight and since it became routine it doesn’t seem to bother them at all? Just wondered if this would help to stop your cat being able to get to you and wake you up.

Hope you can get some good sleep soon 🫶🫰

Thing is, her waking myself & my partner up for breakfast isn't unusual. She has been waking him up for breakfast since 2014 and me since we all began living together a few years ago. It bothered me at first because I'm an incredibly light sleeper and he isn't, but I had been training myself to sleep appropriately (how to go to sleep on time and fall back asleep more easily when I wake up, both things that would take me hours to do as a teenager) for over a decade at that point, so I adjusted my training routine a bit and have been mostly fine.

That said, because she has a poor sense of time, she sometimes wakes us up an hour-ish before her breakfast. She can get relentless about it too, like your cats - before I trained her out of it, she used to knock (usually very breakable) things over or put a claw (gently, just poking) on my partner's face because it would be the only thing that made him get up. Now because I wake up so easily all she does is meow and occasionally jump onto the bed or race across the room if I don't acknowledge her. I've been training her recently to "count" down the time in batches of 10 minutes by telling her "40 minutes," then "30 minutes," etc. and showing her the number of fingers x10 she has left (so 4 fingers for 40, 3 for 30, etc.). She seems to understand and will quiet down... for about 10min before she asks again and I tell her again. Usually in the last 10min she'll beep and meow a lot more because I'll often get up and feed her then, lol.

Most of the time, I can go back to sleep after this without much issue. It's just that the last few months, I've kind of regressed even though I'm doing all the same things I normally do for my sleep training. My techniques just aren't helping me as much as they normally do. I'm not sure what it is - it isn't even my cat specifically, not all the time. Often I'll wake up on my own several times a night before she even gets me up for breakfast. On top of my headaches happening about everyday now, I'm just kind of in pain and tired all the time.

Anyway. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate you trying to help, it was kind of you to suggest it.

#ask the nerdlord #anonymous

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victoryshowers · 8 months ago

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i cant even lie to you when i say my hyperfixations for the past 6/7 months have literally been nothing but things i first got into back in 2014. i’m regressing to elementary school. it’s horrible. i wouldn’t change it for the world.

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videobobbo · 1 year ago

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just a good semi-private place to say some things

wow, tumblr. hilariously, every text post I had for a month-to-month period was me going “wow, I have one of these?” and just writing after, and even 10 years later, I guess I’m doing it again.

my life is weird right now.

I love it in some ways. the girl I last wrote about here is my wife now! she said yes to a proposal in Tokyo (casual flex alert) and we got married in 2020 (cursed year that was). I’m in school learning how to make games! I’ve learned some small amount of 3D modelling and texturing and feel progress.

mentally, though, I just feel beaten down.

I’ve been unemployed for 3 years now. lost my job near the start of COVID, rode out unemployment (I mean, come on, why not), and have been having sort of an identity crisis about work since then. learned I am on the autism spectrum, which makes a hell of a lot of sense, but then it also makes me feel weird in some ways, like if that statement I just made is ableist or perhaps callous in some ways. a lot of the time lately, I feel a sort of apathy that’s halfway between peak 2013 suicidal ideation me and downtrodden sad boy me, which I can best describe as the feeling of not wanting to live but also not wanting to die. haven’t thought about tasting a gun while standing on the bank of the Truckee River, but also just feel like life, good though it can be, is just a grey mass of nothingness.

proud of myself for making some big moves. mutinied out of my old WoW guild and brought the cool and chill people I knew wouldn’t disharmonize the people left behind into a new guild, which caused no small amount of strife and people being assholes openly to me, but it was a pretty easy demonstration of why I was right to make the move in the first place. I still let this one infiltrate my thoughts a lot, mainly because even some of the people I thought were cool were rude to me on the way out, and I never like feeling like people are mad at me, even if I am valid and correct in my critiques, did a lot to try and fix things before moving on, and then ultimately was publicly irritated with them in a veiled and non-identifiable way. it’s been like 8 months since I ran out, but I still feel a little anxiety and apprehension about that whole thing to the point that I seek validation for my decision in all sorts of ways, some healthy and some less-than.

guess the biggest issue of the last few years for me has been this feeling of regression in life. I’m almost 40, and the thought of that feels so crushing and heavy in a way I can’t meaningfully describe. my gym rat phase of 2016 burned out hard and I’ve regained all the weight I took off in that 8 months, and given I burned over 100 pounds, that feels real bad, man. life feels directionless, rudderless, with every day feeling like I am in control and able to move the ship how I please but then never feeling like I have that control at the same time, with the same bad decisions, regressions, and complacency taking root all the time. my life in peak 2013-2014 era me was chaos, absolute fucking chaos, but I felt like so much was happening and even after sifting through the absolute pile of shit my life was becoming then, there were genuine diamonds and all these great little moments tucked into it. I’m making moves but at the same time I just feel like nothing is going anywhere and I have this deep sinking pit of regret I keep falling into where some days I just don’t do anything but sleep until noon, wake up, play video games and play with our cats, hang out with my wife, and then go back to sleep - and that sounds great too, but I just feel...empty.

I know the real answer is a mix of me needing to do things for myself and me needing outside help. I still feel this stigma against therapy, against antidepressants and medicating through it, and even now that weed is legal here and I often just pop an edible and ride through the worst feelings, it’s not the right answer. I feel this need finally, for the first time in my life, to go to therapy, to talk to people outside of my circle about the darkness that I so often feel, to get the right medications and treatments for dealing with all the things in my brain that just go so wrong for me. and yet I’m also scared, because American health care sucks ass, and so what if the meds are too expensive? what if the treatment is unaffordable even with insurance? what if I’m actually not ready to be that open with a relative stranger about my feelings?

I want to start going back to the gym, and we have a membership, but we’ve been lousy about it. I want to get my diet dialed back in to that 2016 level, but man, that’s tough - I genuinely only pulled that off because I was single and absolutely just in the zone with my focus.

my relationship with my parents is in absolute shambles, but a big part of that is that I even maintain it at all. it became very obvious that my mother just does not care about me at all - she couldn’t bother to even ask how we were doing when we got COVID last year, was at our wedding but forgot the anniversary just the next year, and has made her disdain for me very clear - and the signs were always there, but I refused to listen to them. now I just humor her phonecalls until she leaves me alone and refuse to go to family events, but I should really just open up about it to her and cut her out, because every phone call from her makes me physically ill and hearing from her ruins my day, literally - our honeymoon/anniversary trip was ruined for me because she called while we were driving to ask if I was gonna be at a thing for my sister when we told them already we wouldn’t, why we wouldn’t, and she just didn’t remember any of it (and with no memory issues or diagnosed things there). it hurts and I hate it, but I still haven’t found the courage to be open about it to her - and maybe I won’t, dunno.

I guess the last time I felt this dark, this stuck and crushed by life, things got better pretty fast and I had a banner year in my life. I keep hoping that is a trend and that maybe it will happen just like that again, but I also know I need to put the kind of effort in I did back then to make those things happen and guide them along. maybe writing that publicly is a helping first step to get there, even if I also kind of hope no one ever reads or as much as sees this.

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arsenalgbt · 4 months ago

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my fave fic i’ve written………. hawly shit. i write too many… i’m just gonna promote my current ongoing deckai fic; the dysfunctional arranged marriage au, my magnum opus. AND OH. my super ultra niche ben white/william saliba modern royalty au!! could have been my magnum opus in 2023 but the lack of interest kinda deter me ngl lol but I will continue it ofc!!!!!

it’s gerlonso for sure, football rpf, back in… 2014. then i had a very very long hiatus LOL

most hated; good question cuz if i hate it i just don’t read it. now. if you know that bdsm practice (cmiiw) of ‘being little’/‘age regression’? nahhhhhhh sorry my guy. if i speak LMAOOOooooaidsoiaosdfjkakdf most hated to write; trust me i used to hate angst of any kind???? but look at me now?? most loved to read; i’m pretty vanilla ngl gimme nothing too extreme i’ll gobble them up. most loved to write; i do take pride in my porn LMAO, how i spin my rpf athletes’ personalities to fit to my plot, alpha/omega, and i just adore mpreg okay!!! i wish to write horror or some serious shit tho… idk when idk if i will but i wish…

What are some of your fav fanfictions?

Who is your OTP?

What's your 3 biggest pet peeves about reading fanfiction?

What is your fav fic that you've written?

What fandom and pairing was your first uploaded story?

What is your most hated and most loved genre to read/write?

Any tips on how a non-writer can write their first fic?

get ur tea biscuits and other snacks ready cuz y’all know i’m gonna yap………..

lemme tell ya again n again; OFF-SCHEDULE my no. 1 fic of 2024 and i found it in february. we’re still in july now. idc. it’s the best fic of the year for me. i didn’t even know lance’s face had to google/tumblr him to get it. jfc. this fic. i’ve talked abt this fic multiple times hahahahahah it’s THAT good. go read it!! give kudos!! this roy kent/jamie tartt fic also lives rent-free. a glimpse of the kind of kink i want to put my OTP into; some consensual dubcon.

my current OTP would be deckai (declan rice/kai havertz of arsenal)

HOOO BOIIIIIIIIIII yo listen… when instead of the usual quotation marks “…” for dialogue, they use -…. LIKE sorry i can’t understand what your characters are saying if you’re using -I think I’m in love with you. Person A says. LIKE. my brain goes ???????? and i can’t enjoy the fic T_T there’s this F1 fic that is hard to follow because the author doesn’t differentiate who is saying what, who is doing what, who’s feeling what. they use continuous ‘he does’ ‘he says’ ‘he feels’ for two different characters PLUS they don’t use recognisable breaks in timeline, not even a long horizontal line or whatever like *** or anything T____T i get so lost when reading lol (but i keep on reading cuz i like the story - don’t worry i gave it a kudos!) hmm what else? i think that’s it. i’m not fussy. if i don’t like it i just leave LOL

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fawnandshadows · 2 years ago

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Fawn Fest — Prices and Vices

Prompt: Halloween + Costume Party

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Language maybe? Nothing extreme

The skirt of her costume was much shorter than Elain remembered, or maybe it was the fact that she didn’t try it on with her bright pink boots with four inch heels before. But as she stood outside the door of Feyre and Rhys’s penthouse she was acutely aware of how much leg she was showing, and her hands clutched her pink glittery skirt in an attempt to hold it down.

She watched as the door slowly opened in front of her, and Feyre’s drunken, smiling face beamed at her. Her tight, spandex catwoman costume clung to her form, and she forgoed any type of mask, but Elain found the kitten ears on her head and the tail sticking out from her back to be adorable.

“You’re here!” Feyre exclaimed, throwing her arms around her sister, and Elain could smell the alcohol on her breath. It wasn’t often that Feyre let herself get like this, but it always made Elain happy to see her older sister relaxed and free.

“Sorry I’m late,” Elain said as she stepped into the penthouse, her eyes floating to the crush of bodies crammed into the large space — Elain didn’t recognize anyone. “My wings were giving me trouble.” She motioned to the green wings sticking out of her back, which bobbed with her movements.

Feyre took a step back and looked at her sister's costume, her blue eyes smiling in recognition.

“Flora.”

“Sexy Flora.” A new voice said, and Elain felt the blood rush to her cheeks at the words.

Her brown eyes drifted to Nesta, who was leaning against the wall and smirking at her sisters.

“Not sexy,” Elain replied, crossing her arms and immediately dropping them at the way it showcased her cleavage. “Just Flora,” Nesta rolled her eyes with a smile and Elain took the opportunity to take in her costume: leggings, Cassian’s oversized t-shirt with no bra underneath, and unbrushed hair. Elain’s mind was blank. “And you’re a book character?”

It was a shot in the dark, but Nesta nodded with a smile.

“Lily Calloway.”

Elain smiled in excitement, grateful that she took her sister's recommendation to read the series, and she felt a switch of recognition flip in her mind.

“It’s perfect! Is Cassian Lo?”

Nesta’s amusement faded, and she rolled her eyes without affection.

“Sadly, no.”

Just then Cassian turned into the cramped hallway they were standing in, and Elain felt her eyes bug out of her head. He stood completely naked in nothing but a diaper that looked ready to fall off, and it was likely held together by two comically large safety pins at his hips.

“Baby?” Elain asked, keeping her eyes on his face and not his abs.

Cassian pointed to himself with a grin and replied, “Sexy baby.”

Elain couldn’t stop the guttural snort that sounded from her throat.

“And where’s the monster on the hill?

Cassian’s smile grew as Elain understood the reference he was making with his costume.

“Not you, obviously, since you showed up as a sexy fairy and not the gargoyle costume I got for you.”

Now it was Elain’s turn to roll her eyes at his teasing.

“I’m Flora, not a sexy fairy.” Elain said, nervously adjusting the glove-like sleeves on her arms.

“Azriel will be happy.” Nesta’s sly voice broke through the awkwardness that Elain was feeling, and a surge of warmth flooded her body.

“Why would Azriel be happy?” Elain asked, her heart skipping in her chest. “Is Gwyn here?”

“Yes,” Nesta said with a shrug. “But that’s not what I was talking about.” Her blue eyes focused on Elain’s favorite part of the costume — the rose necklace that laid at the base of her throat, the one that Azriel had given her last year at Christmas.

All three of them fixated on the jewelry, and their expressions all turned into a mixture of pity and sympathy. All of them all undoubtedly remembering that last Christmas, where Elain and Azriel were caught under the mistletoe, where they would have kissed if Rhysand had never interrupted them. Where they all watched as Elain opened up her necklace on Christmas morning, and then two days later Azriel started dating a certain redhead.

Gwyn, his on and off again girlfriend for the past year.

Elain simply shrugged, ignoring the way they all stared at her.

“Let’s get you a drink.” Feyre exclaimed, draping her arm over her sister's shoulder and leading her towards the kitchen.

They brushed past Nesta and Cassian who lingered in the entryway hall, and Elain let her eyes sweep the crowd of bodies and told herself that she wasn’t looking for anyone in particular. Certainly not someone that stood well above six feet with curling dark hair, smoldering hazel eyes, and hands burned with scars of his past.

She didn’t see him anyway.

And she didn’t see Gwyn.

Elain pushed that knowledge to the back of her brain and focused on the red solo cup that Feyre handed to her.

“Rhys left to get some more drinks,” Feyre explained, her voice rising above the music as Elain took a sip of a cocktail that most likely had more alcohol than she realized. “Amren and Varian took Nyx trick-or-treating, and Azriel is here…somewhere.”

Elain nodded and took another sip.

“Do you want to dance?” Elain asked, and her sister nodded with excitement.

This almost never happened, the two of them finding each other.

Feyre was almost always with her husband or son, and Elain had been avoiding a lot of family events — not wanting to see Azriel with a redhead draped over him. Even before everything, Elain and Feyre had never exactly been close. Elain always found herself in the role of family peacemaker, which was surprisingly lonely.

Elain finished her drink, which Feyre refilled along with getting another one for herself, and the two sisters drifted towards the living-room-turned-dance-floor.

––––

Elain was unaware of the passing of time.

With each sip of her drink she lived more and more in the moment. Simply enjoying the bass of the music that pounded through the room, and the way that her and Feyre enjoyed each others company — ignoring the rest of the crowd and doing the silly, ridiculous dance moves that would have embarrassed them if it wasn’t for the copious amounts of alcohol.

Neither of them were aware of anyone else until Batman walked up behind Feyre, planted his hands on her hips, and kissed her from behind. The pink of his tongue flashing at he plundered her mouth.

Elain froze. And from the way Feyre was leaning into the embrace, Elain deduced that Rhysand was the one in the costume and slowly backed away. Regressing to her normal role in family functions.

Suddenly, the heat generated by all those dancing bodies became overbearing and suffocating, and Elain found herself desperate for chilled night air. So, she shoved her way through the crowd, ignoring the grasping hands of people trying to dance with her. A familiar song started pouring through the speakers, and she heard Cassian holler in excitement.

Elain looked over her shoulder as she approached the glass door that led to the balcony and saw Cassian standing on a table, grinning from the attention and the excitement of his costume getting the spotlight.

Her hand slowly twisted the door handle and she opened the door just enough to slip outside.

The cool air was a balm on her sweaty skin.

She took unsteady steps forward and laid her hands on top of the cool stone balcony.

Elain took a deep breath, her eyes closing as she took a drink of the night air. Brisk. Chilled…smoky?

Her eyes drifted open, taking in the gleaming cityscape of Velaris, before turning her head to the left and seeing that she wasn’t alone on the balcony.

She immediately locked onto a scarred hand that held a cigarette precariously between his fingers.

A small war battled inside of her, her happy drunkenness and a startling sobriety that started at the sight of Azriel.

A blonde wig sat on his head, and he wore way too many layers — including a suspiciously accurate, leather like tunic over a bright red, long sleeve shirt — that Elain thought he might still be sweltering in the Halloween air.

The drunkenness won.

“You look hot as a blonde.” Elain said, slowly walking towards him, and not even registering the words that passed over her tongue.

Azriel’s eyebrow quirked at the words, and his lips twitched in amusement.

He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t stop her as Elain took the cigarette from his hand and brought it to her lips. His face stayed neutral as Elain sputtered and coughed from her first drag of a cigarette.

Her disgruntled face scrunched as she looked at the burning cigarette, smoke leaving her mouth as she said, “I still don’t understand why you do this.”

She held out the cigarette to him, but he didn’t take it.

His hazel eyes slowly traced her body, and Elain could have sworn she felt his large hands on her.

For a second, he stood still, but then he grabbed the cigarette from her and instead of taking a drag like Elain expected, he took a step closer to her and brought his hand up to her lips.

“Try again.” Azriel quietly demanded.

“Of course…Daemon.” Elain said teasingly, but the dark heat that flashed in his eyes caused excitement to prick at her spine.

She wrapped her lips around the cigarette, and she heard Azriel’s low voice say, “Slowly, not too much,” Elain did as she was told, and when he took the cigarette away she followed his instructions and breathed out.

“Very good…Flora.” Azriel said with approval, a smile forming on his lips.

“I’m surprised you recognized my costume.” Elain said, almost sheepishly, delighting in the way that Azriel tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear.

“I know she’s one of your favorites.” Azriel said tenderly, his eyes softening.

Elain never kept it a secret which characters she loved, and which ones she didn’t. Her close friend's story on instagram was constantly filled with her favorite media, and as much as she tried to stop herself, she always wanted to see whether or not Azriel looked at her story. He almost always did. Which meant that he also knew her latest obsession.

And he dressed up as her latest crush.

Even in her drunken state, she knew that nothing with Azriel was accidental.

Her heart clenched at the knowledge. At the intense way he was looking down at her.

“Where’s Gwyn?” Elain asked, her voice sharper than she intended.

Azriel kept his face impassive as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“We got in a fight and she left,” Azriel shrugged. “Apparently I couldn’t take my eyes off of a certain sexy fairy. Her words, not mine.”

Elain brought her tongue out to wet her dry lips, and Azriel’s hazel eyes followed the movement. She accepted his offering as he brought the cigarette back to her lips.

“Then I guess you should use some company tonight.”

His eyes watched the smoke that fell from her mouth and mingled with the night air, and then they dropped to the necklace that hung around her neck.

“I’ll get us some drinks.” Azriel said, handing the cigarette back to Elain. He waited all of five seconds, giving her time to excuse herself, before slipping back into the house.

Elain’s hands shook and small ashes fell from her hand as she waited for him.

——

Part Two

——

tagging: @thefangirlofhp @sakurakittypeach @impossiblescissorspeachpaper @feyredarlinq @alwayssara @nyxreads @rinadragomir @secretpuppyflower @captainbrucebanner @ultadverb @irisesforelain @shedoessoshedoes s @magnolia-blossom87 @sheena-beene @nivem565

#fawnandshadows fawn fest #Halloween fic #elriel #elain x azriel #my obsessions are showing #Taylor swift and the addicted series and HOTD and daemon 😀#and my love of flora #and the 1975 #yes that image is from the robbers video #I’m regressing back to 2014 #I’m starting a sexy part 2 #pro elriel #elain archeron #azriel #elriel fanfiction #elriel fanfic #fawnandshadows writing

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laurelier · 3 years ago

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HS x The Little Mermaid: Harriel? Arielrry?? Either way we're all a little bit gay aren’t we.

OR: my humble contribution to the mermaidrry spiral. Get outta here and go read @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk birth of harry mermaidy analysis if you actually want to learn something today, that shit's genius boss level connections all over the place. Keep reading this wordvom if you wanna just like. Feel a little bit weird about The Little Mermaid with me for a hot minute? Idk man I'm just spouting crap about water in my corner again that's all I do.

Anyway the thing you gotta know before you read this post is. I love the OG 2D animated Disney princess movies. I love em. I do. I really do and I really hate to admit it, it is really not easy for me to be outing myself like this right now, but I do, I love them, with my wholass heart I’m such a big fan. I think they’re beautiful in a lot a lot a lot of ways and I find them really fascinating as, like, pop culture mainstays, leave me alone, I just, The Little Mermaid. The Little Mermaid, friends. I am here today to soliloquize to you about the gospel of The Little Mermaid in the context of Harry Styles if you can spare a few moments of your time.

The Little Mermaid is one of the original princess narratives that really actually—I go hard for this take—stands up well to cultural critique. Personally I think some of the others do also, but this one? Watching this 15 or so years after I’d first seen it and then reading up on it…… spending far too much time, actually, reading up on it……… as I did a few months ago when I regressed back into my Disney princess hole, man, wow. My little brain was blown open about 150 different ways.

x, LOOK at that animation are you JOKING

How this post came about is a tale as old as time at this point: I asked the aforementioned beautiful Ella @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk about their reaction to Harry’s perfect FL trans-flag-colors outfit moment that absolutely turned me into a ball of just hnnnnngngngngnngng fetal position in the corner god that look made me so emotional and in their (fantastic as always) response, link here, they brought up those Harriel pics from SNL and also hi bb Ariel down there in the corner, and just. Their answer to that ask had a big time ripple effect and we all freaked the fuck out about mermaids and I don't know bro, just have one more tangent about The Little Mermaid and mermaiding and Harry and Harrymermaiding and water waterwaterwater. But do be sure to read Ella’s first. Also have this shitpost?

Light of my life harriel. Art by the magnificent @swimmingleo .

Under the cut: today we’re talking transformation and voicelessness and deals with the (kind of) devil, we’re talking appearances and self-knowledge and slivers of hope, we’re talking siren calls, we’re talking when you know you know, we’re sonar mapping the unexplored ocean floors of the self. Clearly there’s gonna be plenty of melodrama to go around so strap on your mermaid tails, let’s dive undaaathaaseeeeeaaa. (Again.)

“Silence itself—the things one declines to say, or is forbidden to name, the discretion that is required between different speakers—is less the absolute limit of discourse, the other side from which it is separated by a strict boundary, than an element that functions alongside the things said, with them and in relation to them.... There is not one but many silences, and they are an integral part of the strategies that underlie and permeate discourses.” - Foucault, The History of Sexuality

Nice to meet u mermaidrry

When asked in 2014 why he got his mermaid tattoo, Harry E. Styles reportedly gave a very simple reply: “I am a mermaid.” Which…... is one of my favorite things he’s ever said. Especially because Ella’s post has been circulating for a while now, I doubt I have to inform anyone reading this of how linked the symbol of the mermaid often is with experiences of gender diversity and gender queerness—the mermaid as a symbol especially important to many trans women, not least because she’s so heavily associated with transformation. Ariel herself, and Hans Christian Andersen’s original little mermaid before her, have both played a hand (fin?) in the development of this lovely, lovely, very nuanced link.

I’m not really going to get too in the weeds now, though, about the mermaid as a big time symbol of a transgender experience, because I’m here to talk about The Little Mermaid specifically, and Harry. And before I get into it: I’m hopeful that the fact that I’m seeing a whole lot of really really beautiful gender stuff here doesn’t read as me making assumptions about Harry’s motives or identity that I can’t and shouldn’t make—though that’s also certainly not meant to invalidate him or assume, either, that he couldn’t be purposely engaging with gender when he refs mermaids—I’m just. We gotta remember we don’t know, I don’t know, none of us will probably ever know what exactly he means and when he means it and how, and all I’m doing here is using H and Ariel and mermaids to explore a very queer little bubble that I find really captivating. Not speaking for, never speaking for; speaking about, seeing through, and also just. Standing in awe of. H, and all that he creates around him.

WHEw wee. All that out of the way……...

Harry and watery shit

……….let’s start by talking (yet again) about the fact that Harry is always drenched in water. Babymermaid is literally so wet all of the time. This is not a new idea, of course, he’s been waving this one in our faces for so many years now, but I want to highlight a few favorite examples that I think show especially well how closely interlinked H being wet/referencing water seems to be with self-exploration.

Ella, once again, has a more comprehensive list of times Harry was wet in their post, and all of these are also mentioned there. This is my personal watery Harrymermaid highlight reel, though, and there are some things that come up here that are going to be relevant later, so we’re gonna rehash this for a second. K roll the tape.

First, the HS1 album photoshoot. Just….. All of it. This was one of the first big visual impressions we got of Harry as a solo artist and—water. Everywhere. The water, right, is also opaque and pink in a lot of this—so let me just take this opportunity to float the rainbow water theory again: if being in water equals being one’s full self in H world, with all the simultaneous pain and relief of that, then I wonder if rainbow or pink/contaminated water doesn't equal difficulty accessing that real, complex person, buried underneath onion layers of shame and repression and time—and, because it’s pretty too, if it’s not also a representation of the beauty of the efforts that we make to access our deepest selves despite all that might hold us back beautiful war connection opportunity here cry cry cry bc pink water is associated with waste runoff from battles and war. Pair all that with the way so many of us read the album’s content and idk man even I almost believe myself here.

These colors......... bury me in them.

Second, Fine Line era—first up is the Lights Up music video. In this one, there’s obviously the shot of him in the FL silhouette of big pants unbuttoned shirt suspenders just like. Staring into the mirror soaking wet. And the one of him looking down at us in the water with the sun coming over his shoulder.

But, real quick, I wanna talk about those red shots where he’s kind of mirrored, looking down from above at himself floating submerged. Eerie, strange, fragmented: an H in a beautiful suit suspended and frozen above a vulnerable-looking H floating in water; H staring down at this other self that appears to be him, too, but a little bit different, significantly different, staring back up at him. And a shadow between them that serves as a dividing (fine?) line: his own shadow, reflected on the water exactly halfway between them. Jesus there’s so much in this damn frame. There are a lot of Harrys here. All of them quite wet.

Earlier, H in darker clothes, floating prone and vulnerable in the water.

Then, third, a pairing I love, two of my favorite songs from Fine Line—though really I could say that about any of the songs on that album ffs—She and Adore You. In She, right, we've got the famous he takes a boat out, imagines just sailing away / away, away / without telling his mates; / he wouldn’t know what to say, right, and then in the Adore You mv, almost immediately after letting the fish swim free, the peculiar boy does………. exactly that? He takes a boat out, the sails filled by his screams of anguish from earlier at not being seen or understood by the other townspeople, which he trapped in jars (hgngng that part always makes me so soft).

I mean. This parallel lays my ass out. He said like lemme just drop these dam kids off at school right quick byeeeeeee honey have a great day and then I’m about to go solo deep sea fishing for my soul.

And at the very, very, very end of this treasure of a music video, we get the frame above, where we can see just the hint of a friendly-looking little sea creature jumping in and out of the waves. My guess? Really, who could that be but the fish—so lemme just get real Frankenstein here for a sec and suggest that the boy and the fish represent a kind of split-in-half mermaid, a whole self in parts: if the image of the half-fish half-human mermaid stands in for the unification of the self, the transformation into and the realization of the real self, well, then. This boy is setting off in search of himself in his boat, and this other part of him that, when they’re together, allows him to feel understood, feel real—this mermaidy part (literally a fish??? please???) is visible just there almost at the horizon; like, the boy is casting out onto the ocean in pursuit of self-discovery, after having set free a part of himself that needed more room to grow? Almost like he’s following that part toward himself, like it’s guiding and guarding him as he searches.

So yes @thestylinsons I think you're 100% right and Adore You is a mermaid song. Ugh I love the tiny fish. Tiny half of a mermaid half of a self fish. I love u tiny fish baby.

TLDR: Harry really is one heavy-handed mf with the symbolism.

The most beautiful singer in all the sea

What we have here, then, is H plus a hell of a lot of water and notably a maybe-mermaid half-boy-half-fish moment and selves wet and split in half all over the goddam carpet and all that comes together and we end up with a whole ocean's worth of self-exploration. And another well-known mermaid who does quite a bit of the same is sweet fiery Ariel herself—whose story, looked at a certain way, revolves almost entirely around her self-transformation.

I want to take a second and talk about the little mermaid’s voice, because it’s such an important part of her character and, well, we’re also talking about Harry Styles here, so. In the original version of The Little Mermaid as well as in the majority of subsequent adaptations, the mermaid/Ariel, of course, is in possession of the most beautiful voice anyone has ever heard, and yeah, well—hi, Harry. Yeah hey buddy we see you there. Said not to brag or anything but.

Because my brain needs very clear bullet points to keep track of things, before we go there, we have:

H identifying himself with the symbol of the mermaid in more than one way—tattoo, “I am a mermaid”, on and on—and also—

H working aquatic and/or oceanic elements all throughout his music and accompanying visuals, paired often with—

Themes of exploring/developing the self, or the self being split in half, having distinct parts even though it’s one whole; the self breaking apart or fragmenting.

We also have the idea of the mermaid being linked heavily with queer/transgender experiences of self-inquiry and transformation.

With all this as context, I think it’s important to talk about the fact that one of the more polarizing things about the mermaid as a symbol has to do with that gorgeous voice she almost always has: the whole ~siren call~* deal, the whole—ohhhh help me I’m a helpless man and this mermaid’s voice is so beautiful that I’m gonna literally throw myself into the sea and drown myself for it and then I’m gonna blame her for the fact that I died because I was being a horny idiot, bad scary evil feminine mystique mermaid—the sexist deeply harmful wicked-woman-seduced-me shtick that’s been weaponized against women and femmes for as long as the idea of the mermaid—or just of the capital-W Woman, really—has been around. And though I won’t go too into it here because I don’t want to describe something that’s already so painful in too gratuitous detail, it’s been well documented that this notion has particularly and especially violent consequences for trans women specifically.

Despite these negative connotations, though, I think there’s still a lot here that’s really valuable, really beautiful, and really queer. A siren call is something that draws you in irresistibly, right, something you can’t ignore no matter how hard you try—and there’s a lot more to that than just Woman’s manipulation/destruction of Man, especially if we’re doing a queer reading. Like. If you think about things that pull you in, things you can’t turn your back on, things you encounter and have to follow, things that deeply speak to you—then, I don’t know, I’d think the mermaid’s beautiful voice or siren call would really only be frightening, would only feel dangerous enough to require demonization, were it heard with the ears of a Man (capital M, meaning The Man, repressive heteronormative antihuman patriarchy, etc) who didn't or couldn't understand it, or whose existence was at odds with it. What is said by a voice that something in you recognizes as true—and how it’s said, and what it does to you, how it pulls on you—that’s only threatening if you’ve been trying to silence the part of you that has the ability to hear and respond to that voice, or if you’re afraid to give in to what it’s asking you to do; only if you’ve been somehow convinced, for some reason (like the way that the world force-feeds us homophobia and transphobia), that the natural place to which the voice draws you is somewhere you should not go, or will harm you. I read the mermaid’s siren call as another confirmation of her queerness: this voice, this current, that slowly and with such certainty calls you toward some new way of being, surrounded in water at the bottom of the sea. When you know, you know.

I was listening to Fine Line while writing the first draft of this, after watching Harry sing it so beautifully in that beautiful pink and blue—and I had a little half-baked thought that the voice that goes ~weeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo~ at the beginning and end of that song—I don’t know, I just was in this mermaid brainspace and I thought it sounded a little like a siren call? So you can imagine the volume of the squeeeeeeeee screech sound I made out of my stupid mouth when I saw that Ella also heard this.

Like, I don’t know. Maybe the end of Fine Line is just an ooooo and we’ve both just got mermaids on the mind, but whatever that angelic descant is meant to evoke, I do know that now I’m going to think about this anytime I hear it: an echo of H, of me, of H’s audience, being called toward ourselves. This beautiful song about being a fine line between; about things that we’ll never know, testing patience, thoughts going to devotion sunshine temptress her; about we’ll be all right, all that emotion in his voice—framed at the beginning and end by this lovely unearthly cry, I just. It sounds like a siren to me. Trying to get me to listen—to H, to myself.

Tagging @swimmingleo’s recent She/Only Angel/Great Gig in the Sky post here too, where we sorta kinda maybe have another kind of like. Siren song thing happening, but Pink Floyd universe? Some beautiful wordless singing and some screaming and more than a few allusions to death (which, in this mermaid siren song context, would be connected with queer rebirth) and transformation read alongside a couple of H’s suspiciously gender-y songs—.

And a beaaaaaauuutiful recent mermaidy moodboard by @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk apparently I’m trying for a record for how many times I can mention you in one of these longass essays

Gay silence gif

When you clicked “Keep reading” above just a few minutes ago, you did unfortunately sign up to read a post that’s half about The Little Mermaid, so amidst all this, we do have to talk about the big elephant taking a splash bath in the proverbial ocean here: in both the original and the Disney versions of TLM, the little mermaid’s claim to fame is that she willingly gives up her ability to sing, to make a siren call. And it’s because she hears a call of her own: the idea of being human, of finding love; a need to belong, to understand herself, to be with those like her. In the movie, Ariel sees Eric and she just. She knows. The fact remains, though, that in order to do what her deepest self is asking of her, Ariel has to give up her voice. I don’t think the weight of that has been lost on anyone who’s ever seen the movie.

I don’t know. Just—that oh my god moment A has when she sees E on the boat? It’s always felt to me (and to many others) like it holds a lot more significance than just, like, silly teenage Ariel falling in love at first sight. Obviously A is romantically interested in E, but there’s also so much identification in the moment when she first sees him, like—wow wow wow he’s so beautiful I want to be like that, I am that, that’s me. I’m not just fascinated with humans from afar anymore; seeing this actual specific human and how beautiful he is has made me realize that I need to be a human myself. I favor reading this moment as much more about Ariel’s self-discovery (read: gender) than a romantic desire for Eric. And this is reflected in the original fable as well, almost even more: the little mermaid there spends a lot of time thinking about how, if she becomes a human, she will have a chance to gain an immortal soul. Her decision to become human no matter the danger or the cost is about her own self, and the way she wants to exist in the world.

And—*overshare sirens*—this feeling of Ariel’s here, this oh shit, that should be me— to be just entirely too frank with you all, I like to imagine it’s not dissimilar to the way I personally feel when I look at Harry wearing clothes I wish I could wear in a way I wish I could wear them. The way he appears in his own self being the way I’d live in mine, if I could choose. Which sometimes I feel is me projecting to uncomfortable heights but—it’s just. It’s so powerful to see someone who, for you, for so many reasons, embodies a possibility you didn’t know existed before, a choice you didn’t know you could make.

The little mermaid is often decried as a regressive antifeminist figure for the fact that (as she reaches for what’s usually read as love/infatuation but what can be seen as something more like authenticity) she gives up her voice, of all things, to be with the prince/Eric—the main way that she is able to express herself and make herself known. But, god, if you look at it through a transgender lens, having her do that is brilliant. It’s less Ariel not valuing herself or her ability to speak and more—the little mermaid going into her transformation fully understanding that she might not be understood by the society she’s trying so hard to enter, that she needs to enter because she belongs there, it’s who she is; it’s more Ariel identifying with Eric and knowing she should be with him, knowing she should be embraced and accepted by humans, but also knowing this will be extremely difficult, because human society is cruel and transphobic, to the point that entrance into it requires the literal loss of her voice; it’s that the price she will be made to pay for what she is doing is heartrendingly, unfairly high, but her need to be true to herself is even higher. Seen this way, the problem—or the tragedy—lies less with Ariel’s choice to give up her ability to speak, and more with the fact that the humans can’t hear her.

Here’s where I start to be one of those people who says that Disney is, like, really deep actually

It’s not difficult at all to link all that to the silencing and closeting of queer people, the way the world limits and shames queer expression. Which, then, creates the necessity of hiding. Queercoding. Talking by not talking. Saying by not saying. Admission of queerness becomes a matter of omission and demonstration; queer silence begins to say a whole hell of a lot.

And you know who actually knows a shitload about this—about how to navigate an uncomprehending prejudiced world, in queer silence—in the movie version? Ursula. Ursula, the outcast sister of king big man of the entire ocean Triton, who, sure, she’s the villain, she steals Ariel’s voice and almost kills her yes ok but also—Ursula is the one who teaches Ariel how to perform her (human) gender, right before her transformation. She prepares her. She tells Ariel that, you know what, actually, speaking isn’t all that important, being seen as desirable to your ~princey poo is really all about body language, signaling. It’s all in how you perform your femininity. Give ‘em what they want, girl. Gender is performance. Thank you Ursula slash Judith Butler slash Divine, legendary drag queen Divine, on whom Ursula’s character was based, yes I shit myself when I learned that one. And—performance: god what a loaded and multifaceted term that would appear to be for someone like Harry.

Just, like. This animated octopus lady is so damn powerful to me bitch. If you look at Ursula’s character in a certain light, she’s literally—literally she is telling Ariel: you can’t use the voice that allows you to communicate with heteronormative society to become known. It won’t work. You won’t be able to prove yourself to them on their terms. But there’s a different way—many, as a matter of fact, and finding them where they are, outside the bounds of how you’ve been told you have to exist all your life, is literally life-and-death for you.

In a way, she’s saying something that sounds a little like: despite the silence that the world demands of queer people, despite the violence of that, there are ways to be known. There are ways to become known to one another, and to ourselves—and they are a matter of our survival.

POV you came here for Harry content and you’re getting a weirdly in depth emotional rant about The Little Mermaid

Second to last thing on TLM, swear. The ending. I’m gonna stick with the movie here, because the ending of the fairytale version is much darker, and less relevant, I think, to anything I can in good conscience compare to what I can see of mermaidrry’s experience.

The ending of TLM…… has always felt so unsatisfying to me. And really, I think that’s the point. That article linked above (worth a read, go do that if you haven’t already) points out that Ariel and Eric, power couple, are the ones who team up to kill Ursula (in a very phallic and dramatic way, mind, they spear her with a ship) and set Triton back on his throne as the ruler of the sea—effectively, reinstating the heteropatriarchy that Ursula destabilized by helping Ariel fulfill her desire to transcend her mermaidness and become human. Heteronormative patriarchal norm-setter lookin ass manlymanman King Triton then finally signs off on Ariel’s marriage to Eric, and it’s supposed to be happy because Ariel’s got her voice back and she’s got her man and she thinks she’s got everything she wants and there’s a rainbow even and it looks great—but the thing is, Ariel’s marrying a figurehead of patriarchal male power herself. Eric’s actually the one who drives the bow of the ship into Ursula and takes her out, Ariel’s in more of a supporting role—so he kills Ariel’s mentor, in a way, her predecessor, the one who literally taught her about the concept of gendered performance; Ariel helps him do it; and then Ariel marries him. And Ariel’s father, who originally forbid her from having anything to do with humans at all, co-signs on it—is like, yeah, great, go ahead and be human and marry this prince who murdered my sister/rival and gave me back full control of the ocean, that’s fine by me sure. Ariel’s rebellion and transformation, in short, is given a stamp of approval by mainstream human AND mermaid society both, and that’s— actually maybe kind of a sinister thing, here.

Look at Triton, man. Look at him right front and center there, his approval highlighted so we absolutely can’t miss it.

To me, just. This whole thing: it’s a deviation from repressive heteropatriarchal rules—a defiance of them, really—being softened enough that the heteropatriarchy can swallow it. It’s the connections between H’s work and queerness being wrapped up in narrative after narrative after narrative so that his image will still appeal to as many people as possible, and make as much money as possible, no matter how many rainbow flags he waves. (I’m hearing put a price on emotion; man I can hate you sometimes; I don’t want to sleep in the dirt.) It’s the way society bends and gives and accedes to certain parts of queer expression so that it can learn how to suppress it better next time, take advantage of it better next time, even more surreptitiously and cleverly; it’s homophobia and transphobia behind a mask of acceptance, or of enthusiasm, even. It’s the way the world uses one single breath to both praise and condemn Harry for being, by all appearances, more expressive of more parts of himself. How they love it when he’s camp, yet hate the daring and, frankly, subversive idea of living by a kindness that is both a) deeper than the prevailing norms of homophobic society can tolerate and b) very queer that’s so present in his music, so just there, if you’re listening for it, open to hearing it. The world a lost sailor, in a way: drawn in by H’s voice, and villainizing him for how he sings, what he sings; where his voice calls to.

Princes and glittery dresses and meeting yourself

I want to end by returning to an idea I think I mentioned first in the section on Harry and water—the unification of the self, the mermaid image being made of two distinct elements (fish, human) that come together to form a more cohesive whole, an entirely new being.

This, of course, tracks when we think about Ariel: as a human, Ariel’s entire body— in a queer reading, her gender— fits her better. We see that visually in the sparkly dress that Ella pointed out—and in the fact that with Eric, she’s feels she belongs: I’m about to do that dumb thing I do again where I read a couple as actually a representation of one person’s self and say that we’re seeing two parts of Ariel’s self being united in this sweet moment at the end when she emerges from the sea and Eric finally recognizes her.

If we’re reading Eric and Ariel as halves of one whole mermaid here, then it’s insane to me that for the longest in the movie, Eric doesn’t recognize Ariel as the mysterious woman who saved him—who he’s in love with and has been searching for, even as Ariel herself tries so hard to show him that it’s her you dumb bitch it’s heerrrrr—and literally the only reason that he doesn’t GET it is because he can’t hear Ariel speak, he doesn’t have the tools to know her. He doesn’t know who or where this lifesaving ethereal voice he’s dreaming about is, even though she’s right in front of him, because he doesn’t have the capacity to understand her presence or who she is or what she means to him, and my brain is just going sounds like She, sounds like She bitch that’s She—like god this mf is really searching for Ariel The. Whole. Time. And longing so badly to hear her voice, and she’s right there in his face, and he can’t see it because he doesn’t know how to know her, she doesn’t speak in a way he’s used to hearing, sounds like She bitch I don’t know who she is bit ch and also....... two halves in two bodies, two entities representing a whole self....... hello Adore You fish boy mermaid music video. Hello selves in two parts coming together and then splitting apart and then coming together again. Hello meeting new parts of yourself and finally, finally understanding them and falling in love with them, following them out to sea, following them out of the sea.

And this is also so interesting to me because like I mentioned earlier—that’s Eric that Ariel’s with there, that’s Prince Eric™, Ursula-killer Eric. He does symbolize, I think, when paired with little mermaid herself, a truer expression of Ariel’s queer identity. But he also, like I said, axed the mentor who taught Ariel that gender is a performance in the first place, which. Problematic. And: for him to see her...... she had to talk. His way.

How I see this: there’s something life-giving and beautiful in the love between Ariel’s two parts of herself—her gendered energies, if you’ll allow me the binaristic thinking for a moment—despite the fact that both (the Ariel half, the Eric half) are entirely surrounded in and partially shaped by patriarchy. Ursula saying things like what she says to Ariel about performance and gender threatens the norms underlying Eric’s power, so she has to die; and Ariel helps Eric kill her—in pursuit of her full self, sure, but she still does. We can’t gloss over that. E and A love one another, and they belong together, and now that they are together Ariel is closer to a fuller, queerer way of being—and so much about them will always exist in the context of antiqueer patriarchy. All of that can be true at the same time. There can be a true and solid core to self-love and self-expression, and there can also be a lot of contextual difficulties and paradoxes to navigate when it comes to actually living out these elusive things. One of the reasons I love Harry’s music so so so so much is that it so often feels to me like it’s so frank about this sentiment—though, again, what I see in H’s music is more a reflection of me than it is of him, because he’s the only one who will ever have the authority to say what’s really there.

Importantly, I don’t at all mean to say that trying to locate a relationship to the body or to gender that does feel like it fits is a futile thing, or isn’t possible or real or worth it—it absolutely is. It’s just, so often, so difficult. And complicated: I find that along my own strange little way, parts of me have tried to silence other parts of myself that shouldn’t be silenced; parts of myself haven’t recognized me; parts of myself, most frighteningly, have even asked me to profoundly transform. It is, I imagine—I’ve said this before, but: a little like learning to live underwater might be? A little like becoming a mermaid without drowning—holding out long enough to see all the beauty around you when you finally take your first breath of water.

I don’t know. I’m just grateful, as always, to ever-thoughtful, mermaid-dress-wearing Harry—for the depth of his art, for the depth of his patience, for his oceanic fearlessness.

Far out in the sea the water is as blue as the petals of the loveliest of cornflowers and as clear as the clearest glass, but it is very deep, deeper than any anchor-cable can reach, and many church towers would have to be placed on top of each other to stretch from the sea-bed to the surface.

Down there the sea-folk live.

-Hans Christian Andersen, The Little Mermaid

#rambles #mermaidrry #this is so much #this is so long #not a one of you asked for this #but #you are all my captive audience and you have to put up with this shit from me now #we're gonna #tw homophobia #tw transphobia #this one just to be safe here

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alchemyofmaya · 2 years ago

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In 2014, I distinctly remember being somewhere in space, finding myself on a ship, with a Being I can’t remember, being shown the protective arc around Earth, and many many many aircrafts literally surrounding us, that we could never see. I received so much information in Light Language within what seemed like hours, but lasted only a few minutes in 3D time.

In 2016, I remember being surrounded by Beings that healed my body systems and DNA — a blue sphere of light was passed through my crown and into my heart — This led to 5 years of deeper awakening of my ancient heritage, the history of the Universe and humanity, and access to the Akasha in the Quantum Realm.

In 2021 I was led to take up Hypnosis, as a means of healing the deep buried memories within the collective psyche and my own subconscious mind. Spirit led a session that ended up deleting the imprints of the 3D memory from my genetic and ethereal DNA.

I spent almost a whole year in a trance state, using Hypnosis as a tool — and one night, it happened. My ego melted away, everything shifted, I felt like I was on psychedelics, but completely sober. I remember laying there, burning, writhing and I heard — The ego must die. Exactly like we’ve all been told, but ignore. Cause who wants to experience death right? Aren’t we meant to be immortal? As the burning passed, I lay there as scroll after scroll of Light Language unraveled through my DNA. I felt as if I was the living library, and all of galactic history had been buried deep within my genetic code.

In 2022, I was led to learn this work myself, enrolled in a clinical hypnotherapy program.. which ended up being with some of the most spiritually advanced beings, still learning their own truths. The classes ended up being so intense because we were healing so much trauma within ourselves from deep in the collective memory.

I had a past life regression session done that took me back to the Essenes timeline in Egypt, in which I was shown the life of Apostle John, and reminded that the purpose of my life was to protect and share the true Ancient Wisdom of the Holy Grail, the true teachings of our Ancestors, in the midst of all the corruption

When I did sessions, the clients turned into Channels for their Higher Self to communicate through.. I was shown that when you work with someone who has activated their own DNA and increased their Light Quota.. this would effect those that you work with and increase their Light as well.

I have worked lifetimes to become an anchor for this Source Light, and have never attempted to share any of this until now, because I have become clear of all the programming, manipulations and corruption we all are working to heal.

I am a clear channel of the Divine. And I’m being told that it is time to come out of hiding .. now.

#spirituality #ascension #christ consciousness #enlightenment #age of aquarius #the divine cosmic play of consciousness #new age #channeled messages #all praise to the most high #healing #New Earth Ambassador #Holy Grail Lineage

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jadelotusflower · 3 years ago

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It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014. But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen? Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak). And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination. How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

#star wars #star wars meta #heir to the jedi #nakari kelen #luke skywalker #fridging #it's cold in that fridge #star wars expanded universe #nucanon

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