#I’m really hoping that changes and I have a feeling that it will

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

RESTLESS. 18+

pairing. spencer reid x fem!reader summary. you’re struggling to fall asleep and you accidentally awake spencer in the process. an escalation of mindless touches becomes an attempt to tire you out word count. 1305 warnings. 18+ readers only. mdni!! pre-prison reid was in mind but you’re welcome to imagine another era. titty holding, fingering, pinv, soft sleepy sex, possible somnophilia (but not really bc both end up falling asleep at end) & cockwarming. enjoy x

It’s late, the time on your phone displaying a number far later than you'd like. You’ve been struggling to get to sleep for the last few hours, endless tossing and turning in hopes of drifting off proving to be nothing but fidgeting. 

And so, you place your phone back onto the nightstand after the umpteenth time of checking it, the sound audible through Spencer’s sleep, jolting him awake. You twist to look back at him behind you, his eyes alert — still sleepy— as he looks over you, making sure you’re the first thing he checks on.

“Sorry, I woke you up.”

He inhales deeply and reaches for you under the covers, slipping a hand under your bedtime top and up to one of your breasts — his hold mindless as he cups it. “It’s all right,” he says, voice tired and thick, still asleep. “Have you slept?” he asks, nuzzling his forehead into the back of your neck.

“No,” you reply, speaking softly as not to disturb the rhythm of his sleep more than you have.

“Aw, I’m sorry,” he apologises through his half asleep state, muttering into your skin. “I can stay up with you,” Spencer offers, pressing a kiss into shoulder.

“No, no. It’s okay,” you say, stroking over his arm through your t-shirt. “Get back to sleep, love. It’s late.”

His breathing changes behind you, the pattern more controlled now, like he’s waking up. “I can’t if I know you can’t,” he whispers into the crook of your neck, pressing a light kiss to where he just spoke.

“I feel bad keeping you awake.”

“Don’t.”

You snicker, the sound subtly entertained. “Oh right, yeah, okay,” you reply, tone sarcastic from his twinge of unintentional callousness.

You adjust your position, rolling onto your back to look at him — the moon casting a soft sheen of light on the side of your faces: illuminating his soft features and messy curls. He’s resting on his fist, elbow bent beside your head as he looks over you, expression growing more conscious.

“You know what I meant,” he smiles faintly, eyes closing as he shakes his head, amused. 

With his hand still clasped under one of your tits, you join him, sliding under your top to hold onto his fingers — keeping him to you. He follows your eyeline and mimicks the gaze set on your chest, each of you watching the soft caress under the fabric. Your eyes flicker up to him slightly above you and he follows, now peering down at you nestled beside his upper arm.

Like a mirror, he copies your movements, glancing down to your lips like you did him mere moments before. Each of your glances like a silent question, wordlessly asking if the same thought was on the other’s mind. And it was. 

You itch upwards slightly, neck raising and head lifting to get closer to him — pressing your lips to his. You linger for a brief moment, using the short pause to figure out whether his mind was in the same place as yours. He slips his hand away from under your breast, the act making you think otherwise. But instead he places it under your jaw, his hold almost needy — his fingers crawling across into the hairs at the back of your head. 

He returns the kiss, his one holding far more zeal than your anticipatory one, like he’s wanting to progress things — wordlessly communicating it with you. And with his palm clasped at the side of your throat, you’re slipping into the back of it and peeling him from you, leading  him someplace else.

You guide him down your stomach and down the front of your underwear, pushing your hands under the waistband and to your cunt. You inhale sharply into his mouth, the brisk, faint contact of his fingers over your clit enough to elicit such a reaction. 

Spencer takes your sound as a cue and does it again to gain that same response, only now there’s more of a whine to it — the sound telling him it’s not the time for teasing or games. He straightens his two middle fingers, the pads of each grazing over the mound, more intent behind his touch than the time before.

You place your hand that was between your legs to the side of his face, holding him close as he deepens the kiss. Your small, muffled moans murmur against him with every circle over your clit — the gentle swirls of his fingers warming you up little by little.

He ventures downwards, fingers spreading between your pussy’s lips to feel more of you. On instinct you part your legs, allowing him more space to continue his faint toying. Lending him more access to you.

He tests the waters and dips the tip of his finger into you, pushing in up to the first knuckle. And when he’s met with near no resistance, he’s delving in further, sinking his middle finger inside you completely. The feeling is far from full — it’s enough to notice, but not enough to satiate the need.

“Another,” you murmur into his mouth, nails grazing back into the sides of his hair. You latch onto his curls carefully, the act an urging attempt to redirect him. “Put another one in,” you whisper a faint plea through closed eyes. “Please,” you add, minding your manners.

He does as asked and slips his ring finger in too, slotting it beside his other to begin a very gentle rocking, scooping even. He parts from your lips and attaches to just under your jaw, pressing a litter of kisses to where his hand was all those moments before.

And as he attends to you without a question, you’re sliding your hand between your side and his front, reaching for the bulge protruding into you. You place it over his cock to begin an irregular palming, the feel of his cock growing hard against your touch makes you clench — the action noticeable around Spencer’s fingers.

He works a small trail of kisses to just under your ear before speaking, lips lingering just under the lobe. “On your side,” he murmurs, soft sleepy words laced with a sense of urgency.

You turn over like you were before this all started, and feel him immediately adjust behind you, feeling him scooch down the bed and ruffle with the fabric. 

He grabs a hold of himself, pulling his dick out over the top over the plaid waistband and guides himself towards you under the covers. And as you feel the head of his cock skim against the cheek of your ass, you lift your leg — allowing him space. You reach through your thighs to help him, help him into you. 

You guide him into you from behind, feeding him inside slowly. And when you feel that faint, little sting, each of you quietly gasp — the noise like that of relief as your heads hit the pillow.

He rocks into you experimentally, pushing the rest of himself into you with a faint wind of the hips. Spencer stills, holding the full length of his cock in place as he wraps an arm around tightly you, keeping you close. 

Your eyes grow heavy upon the filling and surrounding feel of him, the warmth of him against your back and the drowsy, languid breathing of him in your ear becomes white noise to you. The combination of it all finally catching up with you and  pushing you into that somnolent state.

You feel his arm grow heavy against you, the grip he has on you loosening. You can only imagine he was feeling a similar sense of contentment at you. And so, you eventually join him in slumber, curled up in his comfort and cock snugly slotted in you from behind, ready for the best few hours of sleep. 

[moody-alcoholic]

On a Wing and a Prayer

Part 5 - You Should Always Check Your Sources

CW: Angst, language, mentions of torture

Previous parts - masterlist - next

When you enter the room with John, Kate stands up looking over at you. She picks her laptop up like she’s packing to leave.

“Stay.” You say. You don’t want to be alone in a room with John. She looks at John waiting for his nod of approval before sitting back down. He walks over to a drawer pulling a file out. He hands it to you. You open it, the first pages are just generic report stuff. You flick through it until you come across some pictures.

Pictures, well CCTV screenshots of you. In London, you have no idea where they were taken or when but it looks like you. The same hair, even the same coat you wear. You’re meeting up with someone for coffee from the looks of it. You don’t recognise the other person though. 

“What's this?” You ask confused. The next page shows the transcript of a call between you and someone else. 

“A phone call between you and a man called; Andrei Nolan. He’s Makarovs right hand man.” John says you look up at him frowning. 

“I’m assuming he’s the man in the photos too?” You ask flicking back to them. You look up at John who nods. You don’t even recognise the guy, he could have been someone you just hooked up with or bumped into. You try to think back but the date on the CCTV screenshot is marked out. 

You hand the folder back to John. 

“I don’t even recognise the guy.” You say. You cross your arms, you don’t expect him to believe you.  

“We caught him in Russia about a week ago. He was more than happy to talk about your meetings.” John says.

“Meetings?” You question raising an eyebrow. You don’t like this, this is feeling all too familiar to the last few days. You’re one step away from having a rag pressed on your face again. 

“We assumed you were selling secrets to him.” Jon says. You scoff, looking over at Kate who tips her head slightly watching you both. 

“What changed your mind?” 

“Our mole in Konni gave us intel that exonerated you.” Kate says.

“That’s why it took so long, we had to assume the worst until we could prove any different.” He sighs, you look at him. “We had to do our job. If we didn’t we could have been accused of harboring a traitor, giving you special exemptions.” 

You laugh, you can't believe what he's saying. You can feel tears welling back up in your eyes. You turn away. You won’t let him see you cry. You hear him take a step towards you, you freeze. He sighs almost like he’s trying to find the right words to say. 

“I really am sorry. I never thought it would come to this but our hands were tied we-” 

“You had a choice.” You snap, turning back to look at him. “You always have a choice. You told me that once.” 

“I-” 

“No! You had a choice and you chose this. You could have let me rot in a cell for a few days. Or suspended me, hell I would have taken a flight back to the UK as a traitor. Instead you-” The words catch in your throat tears escape your eyes. You step back away from him, swallowing hard. 

“I want a transfer.” You say finally trying to keep your voice level. You wait for his response, your eyes digging into him. He straightens up, now he looks like he’s about to cry. Good, you hope they feel horrible for what they did. 

“Why don’t you think about it for a few days. You don’t have anywhere to be, you can take some time to rest.” Kate says. You look over at her.

“Rest?” You scoff, looking back at John. “I can’t sleep without being back in that room over and over  again. I can’t wash my hands or take a shower without having flashbacks. Everytime I see you I panic, thinking something new will happen, more ‘evidence’ against me and I’ll be back in that room again.” 

John doesn’t say anything, his eyes are relaxed, his lips pressed together. You hope the guilt is eating him alive. You can see the dark circles under his eyes, the way he clenches his fists when you talk to him. 

“I want a transfer.” You say again holding your ground. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t say anything, just nods his head slightly. You let out a shaky breath. You nod back at him and turn to leave, you thought it would feel like a weight has been lifted but instead you feel worse. 

You’re turning your back on the people you love, the people you spent the last 2 years with. The people you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. It hurts. Maybe more then the torture at least the physical part. The betrayal, the emotional toll of having the people you love hurt you so much.  

“Johnny knows by the way.” You say as you open the door and you leave without looking back.

—--------------

“You need to calm down Johnny.” Simon says as Johnny’s trying to get out of bed. 

“He’s right Soap, you’re no good to anyone like this, you've just had major surgery.” Kyle says trying to help Simon get control of the situation. 

“Fuck you.” Johnny snaps, pulling his arm out of Simon's grip and swinging his legs out the bed. 

“What’s going on?” John asks as he enters the room taking in the scene. 

“You tortured her. For 4 days you made her suffer, what were you thinking?” Johnny asks John in almost disbelief. “The snakes really? Low even for you.” 

“Does it matter?” John asks, coming into the room sighing. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Johnny asks scoffing and looking between Simon and John. 

“Of course it fuckin’ matters. She’s our girl cap. Or did you forget that?” There's spite in Johnny’s voice as he digs his eyes into John. 

“Get back into bed.” John says walking up to the bed.

“Fuck no. I want to see her.” Kyle pushes Johnny back, keeping him in the bed. 

“You know she’ll just drag you back here.” Kyle says. Johnny grunts, giving up pushing against him, he’s too weak anyway. He sighs, shaking his head. 

“You really thought it was her?” He asks. 

“The intel we had was solid.” John says. Kyle scoffs this time, Johnny looks up at him raising an eyebrow. 

“Does it justify 4 days of torture though?” Kyle says, there’s spite in his voice too. John sighs, he can regret it all he wants but it happened and that's on him and Simon. 

“Regardless, we had to act on it.” Simon says coming round to the end of the bed. 

“We should have done it differently.” John says.

“You think?” Johnny snaps looking over at him. Johnny shakes his head again. He swings his legs back into the bed, Kyle lets out a breath of release. 

“I can’t believe it. You fucking broke her. The person we’re supposed to love. 4 days, 4 fucking days.” Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose. There’s silence in the room, tension thick in the air. 

“What are we going to do?” Johnny asks no one in particular. 

“Nothing.” John says, everyones eyes turn to him. “She’s asked for a transfer.” 

—--------------

You walk into Johnny’s room around midnight. You couldn’t sleep again. You’re sick of sleeping. The pills don’t help, they just make you feel trapped in your dreams. You try to silently enter and pull a chair up to his bed but he stirs awake. 

“Hey lass,” he says, turning in the bed to face you. He looks sad, his face puffy. He’s been crying. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” You whisper. 

“Come up.” He says shuffling in the bed and pulling the covers out the way. 

“I shouldn’t-” 

“You should.” He says cutting you off. You smile and reach town to take your boots off. He moves to get more comfortable as you climb into bed next to him. He immediately wraps his arms around you pulling the thin hospital blankets over you. 

You lay there for a few seconds, breathing him in. He smells of hospital, but there’s a hint of Johnny there, the lingering smell of gunpowder and whatever musky cologne he uses. It makes you smile as you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Trouble sleeping?” He asks, kissing the top of your head. You hum. 

“Me too.” 

You’re comfortable laying up against him. Suddenly you feel bad for leaving, you don’t know how you’re going to tell Kyle and Johnny. You need to go though, it's better for everyone. You can’t work with them again, not after what they did. 

Johnny and Kyle will understand. You’re sure they will. 

“I’m sorry you got shot.” You say, it feels like something you have to say. 

“Shh, you saved my life love. I wouldn't be here if it wasn’t for you.” He says kissing your head again. His hands are running over you like it’s the first time he’s touching you. You know that’s a lie, you have to convince yourself they can save themselves. They would be lost without each other, they wouldn’t be lost without you. 

You’re going to miss him. You close your eyes, breathing him in relaxing your arm over his stomach while he strokes you. 

You’ll see them again, keep in contact with Kyle and Johnny at least. You just can’t work with them anymore. 

“I love you Johnny.” You say, it hurts. For the first time ever it hurts to say it. 

“I know love. I love you too.” You smile letting him hug you tighter. You try to stay away but your eyes are heavy, the sounds of the machines lulling you to sleep. 

You’ll tell them tomorrow you promise yourself.

Banners by firefly-graphics

[cherienymphe]

Suburbia X

Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: mentions of NON-CON, DUB-CON, blackmail, voyeurism, stalking, breeding kink, eventual violence, age gap, brief side of Bucky x reader, babysitter!Peter, mommy!reader

➥ banner by @maysdigitalarts | divider by @silkholland

➥ series masterlist

~

“Thanks for coming.”

That was what you finally said to Peter after you both had been sitting on your couch for what felt like hours. In truth, it was only about ten minutes, but the silence was so tense and heavy—and you were so nervous and terrified of the young man in front of you—that the time didn’t pass normally in your mind.

Peter wasn’t wearing his glasses today, and without them he looked beyond only twenty-three. Or maybe that was all in your head. Maybe the reveal of his true character and nature made him seem so much more intimidating…and in turn, older. His dark curls framed his face as he gazed at you, patiently waiting for you to say what he was no doubt eagerly waiting to hear.

“Well…” he ran his eyes over your face. “Over the phone I asked if this was about our talk, and you said sort of, so naturally I became curious.”

You nodded at that, glancing away from him and taking in the silence of your house. Your girls were asleep, and you envied them in this moment. You envied their innocence and their complete ignorance of what was going on around them and their own part in it. You would never in a million years tell them what you were about to put yourself through just to protect them and their quality of life, but you hoped they’d grow up to understand the lengths you would go to for them.

You swiped your tongue between your lips.

“I wanted to tell you face to face that you were right,” you finally said, looking at him.

Peter’s face was hard to read, but there was a noticeable glint in his dark eyes that made your heart stutter. He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he straightened, and it made him appear taller. You felt so small and insignificant beneath his gaze, and you desperately tried to remember what you were doing and why you were doing it. Peter had seamlessly shifted the power dynamic—and in the worst way possible—and you desperately needed to have the upperhand again.

“When I chose to be a single mom…I did it with no regrets and because it was genuinely what I wanted.”

Peter leaned in a bit, and you spoke up.

“...and so…determined to prove something, I think that I never even really considered the possibility of more. Of more helping hands, of more comforting figures in their lives, of more…love that could be given to my girls,” you continued, looking between his eyes. “...and me.”

Peter wasn’t saying anything, and you felt a stab of panic, wondering if he saw through you.

“You were right. You are so good to them…and me, and it’s terrifying not only because it’s new but also because it’s you.”

You abruptly stood, turning away from him.

“You’re so much younger and I hired you and Peter, you have to understand,” your voice cracked as you stared at the wall. “You have to understand how I’m feeling because this makes me look and feel like some predator, like-.”

You cut yourself off when familiar hands took your arms, forcing you to face him, and you watched the way Peter’s expression softened with one look at your face.

“I know that I said some unkind things, but this situation is very tricky and scary and has the potential to really change my life in a way that can’t be undone or at the very least not for years and years to come-.”

“I know that,” he whispered, finally speaking again. “Trust me, I understand-.”

“You say that, but if this doesn’t work out, you're not the one who’s going to have to deal with the fallout. Do you truly understand how people will see me? It doesn’t matter that this was reciprocated. Cougar will be one of the nicer words I’ll be referred to as…”

Your words died in your throat as Peter gently shushed you, one hand coming up to graze your now tearful cheek. The way he looked at you told you that he believed everything you were saying, but you couldn’t be sure. He leaned in a tad, and on instinct, you turned your face away. Your gaze lowered to focus on the floor, and you felt Peter’s breath on your face as he sighed.

“No. You’re not the kind of woman to just jump into something like this, and I should have known that,” he whispered, more to himself than you. “I should’ve known that you would panic and freak out and follow your initial instinct of rejecting this in every way you can.”

The younger man rubbed your arms, hands gently sliding up and down over the fabric of your sleeves, and you shuddered.

“You’re smart about things, and it’s why I love you,” he murmured, making your stomach churn. “I should have thought about that, gone about this differently.”

You finally met his gaze, and your heart dropped to your stomach at the way he looked at you. It reminded you of that night—or what you could remember from it, anyway—and the morning after and the day at the restaurant. One of his hands tightened on your arm, and you swallowed at the position you put yourself in.

“...but you don’t understand what you do to me,” Peter chuckled.

It was light, and his teeth winked at you, and his eyes gleamed in a way that terrified you. It didn’t matter what you believed because Peter believed he was in love with you and was the one for you and was the best father for your girls. His mind was made up, and you felt that you should’ve accepted as such when he went through such great lengths to back you into a corner.

He handled this whole ordeal like a man with nothing to lose, and you supposed that in a way, that was true. In this scenario, you were the one with way more to lose. If this ever got out, you would be the villain in this story, and it was something that Peter had so eloquently thrown in your face.

“I don’t think I can say I regret confronting you like I did at the restaurant,” he confessed, his thumb brushing along your lip. “...but believe it or not, I didn’t take pleasure in putting things into perspective for you like that.”

So that was what he was calling it.

“I don’t take pleasure in hurting you in any way, even if it is only making you uncomfortable for a short while, but I needed to make you understand. Understand what you mean to me and what I would do to have you.”

When his lips gently brushed along yours, you let him kiss you.

“You don’t even know the things I would do for you—the things I have done for you,” he whispered into the kiss, and you couldn’t stop your form from trembling.

Peter noticed, and he made a humming noise.

“There are a lot of things for you to fear in this world, but now that we see eye to eye, I’ll never be one of them.”

You felt tears kiss your eyes as he tried to kiss you again, but spoke, effectively halting his movements.

“It’s not you I’m afraid of, Peter.”

A lie.

He seemed to understand what you were getting at, and he chuckled again. The dark-haired man pulled back some to gaze at you like you were so silly, and you hated how boyish that smile made him.

“You’re it for me, Y/N. Don’t you get that? Hmm?”

He held your gaze with his own dark one.

“Whatever comes of this, you’ll never have to doubt my loyalty. I’m going to be by your side when things inevitably progress into something more public, and I will make sure that whatever those…” he took a deep breath, lip curling over his teeth. “...women put you through, it will be worth it.”

His brows drew together as he fought to make you believe his words.

“I swear to you, now that it won’t hold a candle to coming home to me everyday. I’m going to make you so happy that whatever they have to say won’t mean a thing to you.”

Peter kissed you again then, deeply inhaling.

“I’m not going anywhere…”

You knew that those words—if nothing else—were true, and that was what you hated.

You stood with your arms around yourself as you watched Peter bring a suitcase into the house. You had prepared yourself for this, anticipating by all of his actions so far that Peter was not one to take things slow. Or at least, he didn’t want to take things slowly with you. Besides, if you were going to get your hands on every copy of that tape he possibly had, then you needed to be up under each other’s noses.

You needed him to be comfortable enough to bring his things—his laptop—into your house and not spare your proximity a second thought. When he caught your eye, you gave him a gentle smile, and while he was slow to return it, he eventually did. You took your time in nearing him.

“I know how nervous this makes you,” he told you, and he reached for your face. “It’s okay. We’ll be discreet for a while, and I’ll gradually make myself at home, and when the time is right…”

He trailed off, a secretive smile dancing on his lips at the thought of going public with you one day.

“Thank you,” you finally replied. “You don’t even understand how much that puts me at ease, Peter. Especially since I know how difficult this is for you.”

The look he gave you encouraged you to elaborate, and so you did.

“While I might not completely understand it just yet, you do love me, and it can’t be easy hiding a relationship with someone you care about so much.”

You noticed the way his face fell a bit at that, and you reached out to rest your hand on his arm.

“I don’t doubt that you want to navigate like any other couple in the world, but you’re being considerate of me and how this will affect me, and it means a lot.”

You stepped closer, and you watched Peter’s eyes drink in the action.

“You’re so good to me,” you whispered to him.

At that, he didn’t take his eyes off of you, and you played with the fabric of his sweater.

“...and I’m sorry that I let my fear and panic prevent me from seeing that before.”

You watched him take a deep breath, dark eyes still trained on you.

“It’s okay,” he quietly told you. “I forgive you for that, you don’t have to…”

He shook his head.

“Don’t apologize for it.”

You took his hand, and Peter was eager in threading his fingers through yours. He pulled you along up the stairs to unpack, and you told yourself that smiling in his face and kissing him with your eyes closed and telling him what he wanted to hear was the easy part. As you walked down the hall—Peter taking the lead—you reminded yourself that the hard part was only just beginning. 

The real challenge would come in cohabitating with him like he was someone you cared about. The truly hard part of all this would come when he wanted to shower together and wrap his arms around you in bed and pull you against him like you were any average couple in love. 

When he wanted to have sex with you.

This would go beyond just acting, but you would have to fully embody someone else—someone who cared about this man almost as much as he cared about you but was simply hesitant and nervous. You would have to take on an entirely new persona, and to make it all the more challenging, you had to do it in enough time to get what you needed before he wanted this relationship to go public.

…because you didn’t care what Peter said.

He wasn’t going to be content with keeping this between you forever.

You hadn’t missed the way he’d said Bucky’s name at that restaurant. There were more sides to Peter you hadn’t been privy to yet, and you hoped to God that you never would be, but you knew without a doubt that there was a part of Peter that wanted to show this entire town you belonged to him. Peter had never struck you as that kind of man, but then again, there were a lot of things about him that you absolutely would have never guessed.

As you helped him unpack what he brought over, you tried to keep your face even at the sight of clothes and toiletries and nothing else.

“I’ll have to tell Nat that I rehired you, of course,” you said to him, hesitantly glancing his way. “It seems silly to have you hide away any time she comes over.”

Peter found that funny for some reason, and he nodded.

“Of course. What are you going to tell her when she asks why?”

You stewed on that for a moment.

“I haven’t decided on that yet. Maybe I’ll tell her that I just really need you around, right now,” you eventually came up with, and it wasn’t a lie.

“Well, it’s not a lie,” he said, voicing your own thought. “You do need me.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to the side of your neck, pausing in his unpacking to give you his attention. Peter’s intentions were pretty clear, and you didn’t doubt that said intentions had been on his mind from the moment you’d uttered the words ‘you were right’ earlier. While you knew that it would eventually come to that—probably as soon as hours from now—you weren’t mentally prepared. You couldn’t make your body do that, right now, and so you hurried to ruin his mood.

“I’ll have to tell Bucky the same…”

Your words had the desired effect, and you relaxed a little when Peter froze. He lifted his head from the crook of your neck to rest his chin on it, and while you had expected several things, you hadn’t expected the next words that came from his mouth.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for Mr. Barnes to come by here, anymore.”

You couldn’t stop your frown at that, and you pulled away just a little to turn and face him. Peter’s visage was entirely serious, and your frown deepened as you realized this. His expression didn't relent at all the longer you stared at him, and you were the one to break the tense silence.

“Peter…”

“I’m serious,” he confirmed, moving to finish unpacking the rest of his clothes. “Now that our relationship has evolved, I don’t want him coming by here anymore.”

“...but he’s my friend.”

The younger man gave a scoffing bark of a laugh at that, and you watched him run his hand through his thick curls.

“Friend,” he repeated. “Yeah, sure.”

The humor disappeared from his features by the time he looked at you again.

“He’s your friend because you didn’t want more with him. If you had, he wouldn’t be your friend right now, and we’d be having an entirely different conversation.”

You blinked at that.

“The kind that would involve me telling you to break up with him because I actually dislike sharing.”

His tone was serious, and you swallowed as he stared you down. Your lips parted, and you snapped them shut, thinking over your next words carefully.

“If I suddenly stop being friends with him, it’ll be very suspicious, Peter.”

He stared at you for what felt like too long, expression unmoving before his lips suddenly pulled into a small smile.

“While true, I imagine that him walking in on you coming around me would be even more suspicious.”

His words had you blinking furiously, but before you could respond to such a thinly veiled threat, you heard a familiar cry. The curly-haired young man didn’t hesitate to drop what he was doing in favor of checking on whichever twin had woken up from her nap first.

You were still tense from his parting words, and telling yourself that you needed to pick your battles wisely, you softly sighed.

You knew that you couldn’t just outright ask Peter to delete that video. It was so brazenly stupid that not only would Peter accuse you of not trusting him, but he might even suspect this whole thing was an act. He’d be right, of course, and it was why you had to convincingly get him settled into a comfortable lull. 

…and you had to do that by committing to doing things you weren’t comfortable doing.

Your fingers clawed at your sheets as Peter’s tongue swiped between your folds and pressed itself into your core. Your girls were down for the night, and you knew that as soon as they were, and dinner was done and put away, Peter would waste no time in reaching out for what he felt now belonged to him.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night since it happened,” he’d murmured to you, humming at the taste of wine on your lips.

You’d concluded that you needed something in your system if you were to commit to this.

“The sounds you made, the way you tasted on my lips,” he’d breathed into your mouth. “The way you felt wrapped around me.”

He’d taken a reprieve on the stairs, just pinning you against the wall and kissing you. His hands hadn’t stayed in one place for long, touching every inch of you that he could, and when he seemed satisfied, he continued in pulling you towards your bedroom.

“Fuck,” he’d swore into the kiss the moment you were through the threshold. “I can’t wait to be inside of you again.”

The moments that followed bled together into one long endless pleasurable moment. You didn’t know if it was a relief or not that Peter was so skilled and so determined to make you come undone. You found it shockingly easy to surrender to his ministrations, unable to swallow down your moans and whimpers as he ate you out.

His tongue—so warm and firm—greedily lapped at you, and his fingers pressed into your thighs so hard that you didn’t doubt there’d be bruises in the morning. Your chest arched as you squirmed on the bed, and unable to help yourself, one of your hands found it’s way to his curls. Peter hummed against your cunt, and you knew that he liked that.

You confirmed as much when he reached up to find your other hand before forcing it to find a home in his hair right next to your other one. You were completely naked—Peter having wasted no time in getting your clothes off of you—but your nudity did nothing to cool you down. A thin layer of sweat coated your skin, and you absentmindedly recalled that Peter was only partially undressed.

It seemed that he only just remembered that too, and when he pulled his mouth away from you, you were ashamed of the stab of disappointment that tore through you. Your chest heaved with deep breaths, and you blinked as you watched him sit up before getting undressed.

He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he did, pulling his lip between his teeth as he rejoined you on the bed, a hand wrapping around your ankle. The wine in your system definitely helped you to relax, but if you were honest, it did more than that. Playing this part came to you easier than you anticipated, and that worried you a little. Maybe even scared you a little.

The younger man was gentle in running his hand up your leg, fingers dancing along your skin as he did so. His dark eyes appeared even darker if that were at all possible, and in this moment, it was evident that Peter cared about nothing more than he did the thought of being inside of you again.

Glancing down, you caught sight of his cock—erect and wet at the very tip and just waiting to fill you up.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Peter murmured, reaching for your face.

When he kissed you, you didn’t swallow down your hum in time, and your throat vibrated as it climbed out of your mouth and into the kiss. Peter’s entire body covered yours as he made himself comfortable on top of you, and—playing your part—you rested your hands on his back. His hands slid down to grip your thighs, pushing them apart to accommodate him, and you gasped at the feel of his length pressing against you.

Peter didn’t waste any more time.

Forcing your knees to hook over his arms, Peter lifted his hips and dipped his cock into you with one smooth thrust. A choked gasp left you, and your mouth was soundlessly parted as he started to thrust into you, hips snapping against yours every time. Your hands slid over him, unsure of what to grasp onto, and you couldn’t stop the small whimpers that started to fall from your lips.

Peter was fucking you with the assured confidence that he finally had you.

The strained grunts that left his mouth were in time with every push of his cock, and you were almost ashamed of how wet you were. Although, you supposed that it would only prove to help you in convincing Peter this was genuine. You were literally dripping around him, and you repeatedly reminded yourself that you were playing a part. That you were doing what you needed to do to earn his trust and get him to let his guard down.

Although that was easier said than done when his lips kept seeking yours out. Every kiss he gave you was hungry and heated, and you gasped again when his teeth nipped at the sensitive skin there. His toned chest repeatedly brushed against yours with every movement, and the gentle stimulation against your hardened buds made you shudder beneath him.

Every time he dipped his cock into you, the sound reached your ears…and his too.

“You’re dripping for me,” he whispered into the kiss. “I love how wet you are.”

You wanted to come up with something to say to reel him in more, but you were genuinely at a loss for words. It was hard to focus on anything besides the feel of him stretching you out.

“I’m so glad you came around, So glad,” he murmured, kissing you over and over and over again. “I really…I really didn’t want to do things the hard way.”

Your bed shook beneath you as Peter pounded into you, his curls tickling your skin.

“You may not believe that, but it’s true.”

He finally paused, holding himself inside of you as he pulled his head back some. He stared into your eyes—both of your chests heaving—and he looked between them as you struggled to catch your breath.

“I meant it when I said I don't take pleasure in hurting you. That’s not something that makes me happy,” he said through uneven breaths.

He slowly pulled his hips back before snapping them against you again, and you gasped. He didn’t take his eyes off of you as he fucked you, carefully watching your face.

“...but I’ll do what I have to. You understand?”

He didn’t give you time to respond.

“I’m smart, and you know it, and I know you know it.”

Your nails dragged along his skin as he thrust into you slowly, taking his time in pushing the length of him into you.

“So if all of this is just you playing at something, then you need to be prepared to play at it for the rest of your life,” he whispered to you, staring into your eyes. “...because you don’t know the things I’ve done to protect you.”

Your wide eyes looked between his at that.

“...and I’ll do worse to keep you.”

[misctf]

I’m a Latino twink and I just got accepted into Alpha Delta Alpha but my fraternity brothers have been acting weird around me and I’ve overheard them talking about their “lost brother” and how something is “an abomination and needs to be fixed” there’s a party tonight and they’ve lent me some clothes I don’t want to wear them in case it’s some kind of prank

“Are you all fuckin’ serious?” Garrett Thompson cursed angrily, “Bros, what the actual fuck were you thinkin’?

“Dude, we tried our best!” One of his bros replied.

“Yeah! It wasn’t fuckin’ easy, bro.”

Garrett groaned and rubbed his temples. How could this be happening? How could... He figured it must’ve started at last year’s rager. One day, he’s a party animal. Lady’s man. Campus stud. Fuck, he lived quite the life. Then suddenly he’s a ghost. Some kind of accident. Total tragedy. Trapped between this world and the next. Just wandering around campus. Unseen, unheard, and worst of all- unable to get off. Months passed and as he wandered the frat house...

“Yooo bruh...” Jamie saw him, his eyes red from smoking weed, “Garrett is that you? So good to see you man.”

After months of not being seen, Garrett couldn’t believe it. Of course the stoner bro would make first contact. And Jaime- all too willing to delve into the occult- quickly started doing his research. Telling the other frat bros about Garrett.

“Dudes, hear me out.” Jaime slurred one night, “I know how to bring Garrett back.”

Garrett watched their plan unfold. Jaime rambling about some kind of magic and finding the perfect vessel. They would need some kind of anchor for Garrett’s spirit. He watched as they rummaged through old bins in their frat house and found his old jersey and clothes. Apparently getting some poor dumbass to wear his clothes would be all he needed to rejoin the living. But then things stalled. No one wanted to join Alpha Delta Alpha after Garrett’s accident. And no one wanted to wear some dead guy’s clothes. So, Garrett started to lose hope. Until...

“No fuckin’ way.” Garrett had thought when he saw you join the frat, “Bros!” He tried to yell, “You can’t let some fairy join! Dudes!”

But it was too late. When you joined, the frat was clearly uncomfortable. You weren’t exactly their ideal applicant. Lean and gay, you were certainly a first for Alpha Delta Alpha. And if the plan failed... well they’d be stuck with you... But it wasn’t just that. Some felt uncomfortable with the true purpose of you joining. Jaime’s plan was seen as an abomination by a few of them. But you largely ignored both the weird feelings you got and strange conversations you’d overhear tidbits of. Besides, they were your brothers.

And so when they came to you with some old clothes and told you to wear them, you did just that. After some initial hesitation, you stripped and picked up a jock strap. It was dirty, and carried a stale smell of sweat and cum. You cringed as you slowly pulled it up your legs, securing it around your cock and bubble butt.

“Fuck yeah.” Garrett said, watching you from the corner of the room. He grinned as he floated over and placed a hand on your cock, his eyes widening. It was brief, but he could actually feel the cloth of the jockstrap.  

You turned to inspect the other clothes, shifting uncomfortably at the sensation from your dick. Your tan cock started to lighten in color, becoming white with a thick, pink head. And as your bubble butt lost its padding and became thick with muscle, your cock started to grow. Inch after inch, it eventually settled on 5 inches soft. But you barely noticed these initial changes as you pulled up the basketball shorts. As they traversed your legs, the melanin in your skin broke down, turning your legs white. But it wasn’t just your skin that was changing. A forest of wiry leg hairs burst forth into existence, covering your now increasingly muscular calves and thighs. And as the shorts settled on your waist, you let out a moan.

“Fuck, he’s really enjoin’ this.” Garrett mumbled, watching as your muscular ass made contact with the bed, “Of course he is. Becomin’ a real fuckin’ man.” He grinned and sat next to you. His ghostly hand on your leg, “It’s basically jerking off.” He reassured himself as he wrapped his hand around your new cock.

You let out a moan as your cock hardened and bulged in your pants. You were always a bottom, rarely caring much about your cock. But now? Fuckkkkkkk.... It felt so good. Your mouth was agape, drool pooling as pleasure overwhelmed your brain. You hadn’t felt pleasure like this since you bottomed last. And in your haze, you looked down to see a hand. A ghostly hand.

“What?” Your eyes widened when you saw Garrett, “Oh fuck!”

Garrett pulled his hand away, “Dude! Shit! You can see me?” He could see the terror in your eyes, that only seemed to grow when he noticed his legs, “Okay, bruh... just chill.”

“No, no, no!” You say, “I...I...!”

“Stop fuckin’ talking and put the shirt on, bro.” Garrett insists, “Dude...” He grinned as he floated over to you, “I know you want this.” His hand rubbed up against the bulge in your pants, “You and me bro. Together. Come on.”

You bite your lip and resist letting out another moan. What the fuck was happening to you? What were these clothes doing to you? Did you want this? It would be nice, right? Would it? What would happen if you put the shirt on? You barely notice that the skin of your torso is becoming whiter. And your muscles are starting to expand. As you consider the possibility of becoming Garrett completely, your body is already moving in that direction. Before you can think more on this, Garrett’s ghost seemingly starts to sink into your body. His eyes are wide at first, he grins as he realizes he's being anchored.

“Wait...” You watch as your arm moves against your will and grabs the jersey, “Ohhhhhhhh....” You moan as your other hand grips your cock and starts to stroke.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and gasp. You look more and more like an Americanized Latino jock. Far from the twink you had been. And you cry out as the jersey is lowered onto your upper body. And as it settles into place, you groan. Muscles expand rapidly, filling out the jersey nicely. Your pecs become shelves- far from the lean musculature that got you compliments from all those tops. Your abs pop into existence, one by one. And you watch as your arms become a beefy mass of ripped triceps and biceps. Bulging with just slight movements. The strength flowing through you is so unfamiliar. So different. So...

“Fuck yeah bruh.” The words leave your lips without any input from your brain. The voice deep and dumb, “Dude, it feels so fuckin’ good to be alive.” You feel as your calloused hands roam your muscles, squeezing your pecs, “Nighty, nighty.”

And you feel yourself fading. Your mind wrapped warmly in thoughts of beer, football, and videogames. God, you couldn't wait to see your team play again. To grind up against someone at the club. What a life you were going to have now. A simplistic life. Garrett’s life. Your life...

Garrett grins as you settle on one identity, “Fuck....” He moans, “If dying meant doing that again...” He chuckles, “Alright, let’s...”

He strokes his cock and finds his favorite porno. Feminine moans fill the room, and Garrett breaths hard. Stroking faster- desperate. Growing frustrated as his cock softens. Not deriving the same pleasure that he used to. His mind wandering to post-game locker room showers. And his teammates' muscular bodies. And slowly, Garrett stops stroking his dick. His eyes start to widen.

“SHIT!”

Now, as he stands around his frat bros, he can’t help but wonder how he could be gay. How could Garrett Thompson, back from the dead, only want a dick up his ass? Garrett shakes his head and sighs. He couldn’t be angry at them... fuck they were so sexy. His eyes roam and he takes in their exposed muscular arms, and cocky grins. He imagines what they might be packing down there. What it might feel like to wrap his lips around their dicks. And his cock starts to stir.

“You good, bruh?”

Garrett snaps back to reality, “Yeah, yeah...” He flips them off, “You’re lucky you’re all so cute, you fuckers.”

The other bros looked at one another, sly grins forming on their faces. After all, Garrett owed them for all the trouble they went through. Right?

[quarterlifekitty]

Hi! could you possibly write something about a fuckboy!soap and shy!reader that he uses for sex, and she keeps letting him? im craving angsty angst ANGST that just keeps hurting…you don’t have to if you don’t want to and thank you if you do! Have a great day!

Okay, one thing you all should know about me? Is that I’m a weenie lol so I can’t help but make things a little hopeful most of the time. Also— gonna make this like a college type AU

Soap clocks you from a mile away when he sees you at a party. There’s a cup of beer in your hand that you’ve been nursing, just sipping to have something to do while you cling to the side of the friend who forced you to come.

He’s seen you in his classes before. You’re good. Not the type to be seen in a place like this. And that kinda whets his appetite. He wants to fuck you, break you, make you fall apart for his own amusement.

He nudges Gaz— they have the routine down to a science— splitting up the birdies that are a little too huddled together so they can have their way with them. Gaz runs interference this time, Johnny mouthing an “I owe ye” his way— chatting up and pulling your friend away to talk a bit more. You’re alone now, and Johnny swoops in, weaving through people on a warpath.

He corners you expertly, and you’re a pathetically easy read. Easy to tease, to coax, to push. He just has to throw in a few lines about how pretty you look, peppered between him saying he’s always wanted to talk with you, always admired you in class— he gives just enough detail to lull you into thinking this is courting. That he’s going to fuck you because he likes you.

Works like a charm. Always does. You clumsily follow him to his room—“Ye didnae ken? This is my fraternity’s house, bonnie,”— as he pulls you along by the hand.

He enjoys pulling you apart. Like the birds taking Prometheus’s liver. He’s not a complete animal, he makes you cum, but he doesn’t give you kisses the way you’d probably hoped he would. He’ll tell his mates later— it was kinda cute how fucking bad you were at giving head, too.

He lets you stay the night even though your clinging is a bit annoying. Pushing you out would burn this bridge, and he’s not ready to do that just yet. Not when he could keep having fun.

Come morning your clothes are tossed your way (sans panties, those are going in his trophy collection), and he has the decency to drop you off at your place with the promise of further contact.

Come your next class, he’s back to acting like he doesn’t know you. You’re shy, but you’re not stupid. It’s easy to see that you were played, and you curse yourself for falling into it.

So why do you show up when he texts you, asking you to come over?

Promethean indeed.

And it keeps happening.

It’s not like he treats you badly— that’s what you tell yourself. You’re just the idiot for expecting more than orgasms. It’s nice to feel wanted. It’s not nice to put your clothes on and get out right after, but you’re willing to ignore that. You shouldn’t be. But you are.

You’re not the kind of girl who gets asked out. So why refuse the one source of attention you have? He makes you cum, right? That’s more than a lot of guys do, so it would be unfair to expect more. High maintenance. Right?

If Johnny can see the hurt behind your eyes when you turn to check behind you when you leave, as if he’ll suddenly change his mind and call you back into bed to hold you, he doesn’t do anything about it. He’s content to tug on his jeans and brush past you with a cigarette in his mouth.

You steel yourself as usual, double checking the straightness of your clothes as if it’ll make you feel like less of a cheap whore when his housemates glance your way as you leave.

The door across from Johnny’s is almost always open, despite how closed off its occupant seems. You’ve never met Simon. Well, you really haven’t met anyone in Soap’s life. That’s not what he keeps you for, is it? Fucktoys don’t get introduced to the friend group. Doesn’t stop Simon from staring holes in your back every time you leave. Must think you’re easy. Must wonder if Johnny’ll mind if he has a go. Or maybe he just thinks you’re pathetic. You certainly do.

But it’s happened one too many times. Apparently, even a worm will turn. His stare itches and crawls up your skin when you already feel like such a piece of meat— chewed up and spit out. And you must be losing flavor. Before long you won’t even have this. You turn to look at him instead of walking on as usual.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” You spit in a tone that surprises you. You’ve never said anything like that to someone, not in earnest, anyway.

“Lemme take y’out somewhere.”

What?

What?

[writingwisterias]

New Beginnings

Leon Kennedy X AFAB!Reader (Pictured Leon between Re2 &RE4R) Warnings: FLUFF, Slight Angst, Dad Leon, Summary: After being sent to training, he returns home to meet his new girl for the time.. This is based off this ERAs and requested by anon to extend it!

Leon,

I’m not sure if you will get this, mom wasn't sure if they would let you have these whilst you were in training but I wanted you to get the updates still. I went for my first scan today, they said everything looks good. I've been craving lots of cucumbers. Mom said she thinks I'll turn into one if I keep going. They also lied about morning sickness…it's all the damn time. The first trimester is almost over, I've sent you a photo of the scan and the bump 

Stay safe.

Your love <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leon,

I’ve been missing you a lot recently, our little girl is kicking all the time. I think she gets it from you! Oh no, I revealed the gender…I can't believe we are having a little girl. Mom and Dad helped me set up a new nursery in a flat that I managed to get close to them. I’ve given you another photo of the bump and the latest scan. I think I've popped now...cravings are still cucumbers and morning sickness has subsided. 

Stay safe, 

Your love xx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leon, 

Not long to go now, the nursery is all setup. I chose an enchanted woodland theme. Lots of little creatures hiding around the room. Filled with greens and it just feels cosy I can't wait for you to see it. I think she's about ready to come out now, she's kicking like mad and dropped really low. I'm scared but I know that you have been brave all this time so I'll do it for us. I really hope you are okay…I miss you like crazy. Even though she feels like I have a part of you with me. 

Stay safe 

Love 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leon, 

Wow, what a whirlwind, our little girl was born a couple of months ago. She's been a handful so it took me a while to write this letter…if they even give them to you! The delivery is rough but worth it. She has the cutest blond hair and blue eyes you wouldn't believe! I've picked my favourite pictures of the past few months…I know they'll be returned to me soon enough anyway. 

See you soon

Love xx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leon stared at the letters from where he spread them out on the little tray on the plane. His reflection is sharper and colder than when you last saw him. Guilt and nerves collided through his system like a drug, his stomach bubbling with anxiety as they announced the landing. Your handwriting hadn't changed over the years, always the same cursive font that was written in the margins of his textbooks. He smiled at the small doodles decorating the edges where he knew you were just thinking of what to say. It felt unreal like he was going to wake up to some sick dream the world decided to play on him. To take away this tiny lifeline of happiness he had left. 

He wondered what would happen if he didn't return if he left you both untouched by the taint that he carried with him. The rucksack of nightmares he had seen in the past two years, the one he had to train his shoulders to carry. His hands were rough, his eyes piercing. Would you even be able to find the same soul that you fell in love with before? 

And then there was his daughter, something born out of pure innocent love. A romance blossoming on the white picket fence fantasy he always dreamed of…only to now have a father who was unsure if he could provide that for any of you. If he could even step up to be the man she needed. The one she would run to when she needed help with boys or the kids bullying him. The few campmates he did get along with told him that he didn't miss the precious moments. That there was still time for him to form a loving bond between father and daughter. A small part of him inside hated the photos as they were evidence of everything he missed, all the small kicks and the cravings you experienced. Not being able to soothe you when it all got too much just like you did that night. 

The attendant announced the plane landing, the runway coming into view masking his reflection. Leon folded all the letters again, having remembered every letter and word you imprinted on the page. The ink smudged on some of them. The pictures were tucked in the cheap wallet he bought when he was at the airport safe for when he needed them. His movements were calculated and careful, Leon's mind already aware of everyone around him as he moved. He helped the older lady next to him with her back, his arm held out to guide her off the plane. He watched the bittersweet reunion as her daughter found her. Their cries of happiness blend into the chaos with the other people around them, the further he gets away. Worry settled when he thinks about accidentally walking past you as he left the gate. His eyes scanned for any figure he remembered. The silhouette that visited him in his dreams was like an angel. Leon often swore he could still feel your phantom touch the next morning as his cheek always felt slightly warmer as he completed his early laps of the base. The warmth was always welcomed, however, instead of the coldness of Krauser's stare or his words as he corrected him again. 

Then he saw it, the cursive writing of some paper sign in the corner of his eye. The bold letter was held by a woman who scanned her eyes over the crowd. His name and the fingers that grasped the sign were yours. 

Leon took a moment, watching as people continued to move around him. Taking advantage of his hardened appearance to watch you. His eyes are not failing to notice the young girl on your hip. The now two-year-old waved at people as they passed, her hand grasping the charm on your necklace tightly. The photos didn't do her justice, she looked exactly like him. Her piercing blue eyes met his. They always said kids notice more than adults. 

He watched the way her curious stare ran over him, trying to figure him out…almost like he was familiar to her. You had noticed she’d gone quiet. Turning your head to look at where the young girl had now rested it on your shoulder. He watched as you asked her what was wrong, shifting her in your arms slightly. Your hip jolts out to support her weight better. Leon's feet didn't move, they couldn't. Right, there was all he ever wanted. Did he deserve it? Was it actually his? The perfect dream, the one he saw every single night in that stupid bunk amongst the snores of his bunkmates. 

His whole body froze as you looked at him, the whole world stopped. Your love washed over him like a tide crashing against rocks. It was fierce, strong and unstoppable. The current is already pulling him into your ocean of affection. His little girl began to cry as you passed her to your mum. Your feet are already pounding on the airport carpet as you bolt it to him. He didn't know what else to do but welcome you, like the hole in his heart was finally filled. The two years apart suddenly ended with a new beginning.

You collided into his chest with such force he stumbled. His own emotions leak out into the softness of your skin. Words failed him, they seemed to fail you as well as you held him in silence. Your smaller frame fits against his own with no change. However, you could feel the new muscles. His hardened grip is proof of his changes not that you cared about them. You would learn to love this new version just as you promised on that one night. Your promise was never forgotten when he left in that black car. Your heart is still soul-tied to him. 

Leon's breath faltered when you pulled away, his biceps subconsciously pulling you in closer. Your eyes met his, your warm smile melting his tough gaze. “There he is,” you whispered. At your words, he crumbled, his frame shaking as tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. He tried to smile, to muster up the courage to say anything. Part of you regretted bringing your daughter now fearing he would be overwhelmed in meeting her in this state. Yet to his credit, he stood up straighter, a small smile filling his features. His hand cradled your face bringing you into a long-awaited kiss. He didn't need to speak. You knew exactly what he wanted to say. You could feel the love radiating from him, pouring it into the first kiss. His soul begging for redemption from situations you didn't know he had experienced. His hands were almost afraid to touch you, to swallow you in the darkness he had retreated himself into. 

You heard her before you felt her, the small stumbling steps of your two-year-old as she collided with your legs almost taking you off your feet. 

You watched Leon's eyebrows pinch in concern as he felt your body buckle, hands sprawled out on his chest to catch yourself. Your daughter's hands gripped at your legs, small tugs on your shirt as she whimpered to be picked up. Leon's demeanour changed when you did. His body regained the stiffness as he looked at her closely. Their eye contact was intense both trying to figure out what to make of each other. “Baby, This is daddy remember?” You prompted, eyes solely focused on the small girl. Leon was grateful for that, you couldn’t see his flinch at the word. The small girl nodded her hand outstretched to him. 

That was the thing about children, always curious. No matter if they were reaching out towards unknown danger. You would have protected her if you thought it was dangerous. Part of him wanted to back away, careful not to let the innocent fingers touch his blood-stained skin afraid if they pulled away her tiny hands would be strained red. You knew otherwise, you always did. Allowed these hands to cradle your face, to hold you when he finally returned home. Her hand touched the stubble that coated his cheeks, the small strands of hair prickly against her tiny fingers. You watched him process the touch, his frame softening arms finally wrapping around the both of you.

“Daddy” The girl muttered, a small toothy grin growing on her features. Her small arms wrapped around his neck as he swung from you to him. She was so small against him, his large arms hiding her from the surrounding crowd. His other one holding you close. “Thank you…I’m sorry I wasn’t..” Leon finally spoke. You shook your head, “You were always here, How do you think she knows who you are?” You smiled. He was home, different, but home. Your parents picked up his bags as they followed you both home. He was too busy carrying his whole world in his arms anyway.

[just-your-average-shiz-student]

There’s probably a discussion to be had on how much Madame Morrible, respected as she may be, can effectively groom two young adults, but regardless, I am delighted by how the movie highlighted how manipulative she is from the moment Elphaba steps into Shiz.

I keep thinking back on that brief moment during What Is This Feeling when Glinda stops and Elphie is jumping from excitement (an openness of emotion she can scarcely express in front of other people) before Madame Morrible reaches out and holds her.

She actually trusted that woman, someone who saw her potential and believed in her from the get-go, who (at least outwardly) barely even took notice of her green skin. And all that newfound validation gave a boost to Elphaba’s confidence that was probably crucial for her sanity as a social pariah in Shiz. Madame Morrible did that for her!

Really, the only flaw in Morrible’s and the the Wizard’s evil scheme was that Elphaba’s principles and desire for justice were stronger than her need for anyone’s approval.

And that is so crazy to me, because if there’s a person who by all accounts should be subjectable to doing things in exchange for validation, it would be Elphaba. There’s so very few people in the world who have her back. Really, there’s only Glinda, Fiyero, Dulcibear, and Dr. Dillamond, who has been arrested and can’t help anyway. It’s amazing (read: depressing) how small her support system is.

And still, AND STILL, she managed to walk away from an opportunity of belonging somewhere, doing something she is good at (magic), with people who could grant her everything she ever wanted!

But as she herself said in Defying Gravity, she “can’t want it anymore”. So it’s not even a case of her not wanting that validation and acceptance anymore, it is her deliberately choosing to let that go in favour of something greater. And I know this addition was mainly about Morrible, but truth is, I’m not sure if she would be able to have the strength to refuse her and the Wizard’s offer if it wasn’t for Glinda.

Glinda, who could not have made a less favorable first impression on Elphaba. Glinda, who had the social power to make the whole student body accept Elphaba, but chose not to due to her own desire to be seen as a martyr for tolerating Elphaba’s presence (even if she seeks her out during times she really doesn’t need to for some reason). Glinda, who desperately wanted Morrible’s attention, the one thing Elphaba had that she did not.

But once their friendship blossomed, Glinda really became Elphie’s biggest defender.

She didn’t change a single thing about her appearance during Popular; when Elphaba’s invitation to go to Emerald City came, she was there right at her heels, supporting her, being proud of her, not really trying to shift the crowd’s attention to herself at all.

When the train comes, even though she is happy for her, there’s a part of her that’s morose about the prospect of being away from her best friend (“How will I manage without you?”), even if for such a short time.

While they’re going through the Wizard’s palace, Elphaba is anxious the whole time, and so is Glinda, but she is the one who pushes her forward with motivational words (“You can do anything.”).

And finally, during Defying Gravity, Glinda takes the first step back in their relationship since Ozdust, refusing to go with her. But even then, she doesn’t belittle Elphaba’s decision.

She initially resents the fact that Elphaba’s reaction “hurt her cause forever”, but once she sees what the other girl’s planning to do and that there’s no convincing her to give up, Glinda’s still supportive.

She gives Elphie a cloak so she won’t feel cold during her flight, she smiles at her even though it’s obvious she’s doing everything in her power to not fall over in a sobbing mess. Even her simple “I hope you’re happy” shows how she’ll always stand for Elphaba herself, even if she can’t stand with her cause.

And for as much as we like to make fun of how Madame Morrible clearly couldn’t stand Glinda from the very beginning and was always throwing really unnecessary jabs at her, I think deep down she saw the danger that could come from a friendship between the girls, how more difficult it would be to get Elphaba to be so reliant on her validation if she could get it from another source.

That’s why she seemed specially dissatisfied seeing that Glinda had gone with her to Emerald City, that’s why the Wizard himself felt the need to extend his offer of a permanent stay to Glinda too: because they both could see the influence she has on Elphaba.

And contrary to them, there’s no ulterior motive there. Glinda believes in Elphaba for who she is, and regardless of how strained their relationship becomes in the future, that never once stops being true.

you noticed how Glinda doesn't really let go of Elphaba basically from the Ozdust scene on and she's basically always holding Elphaba's hand or hanging onto her arm, even when its physically awkward to be doing so. and even during Defying Gravity after its clear that Glinda isn't going with Elphaba, they're still holding hands right up until the point where Glinda is grabbed by a guard and forcible pulled away from Elphaba

[hiraizyo]

sweetheart, i can feel you.

synopsis — megan who loves sitting on your lap, no matter the time or the place. but it wasn’t like you were complaining, anyways.

established relationship, fluff.

now playing: ride me darling, artemas

a/n: inspired by this dahmo photo, and because i love dark hair megan, and also because she just seems like the type of girlfriend to claim you as her seat.

when you first met megan, you didn’t think of her as the territorial type. and in all honesty, she didn’t expect it from you either.

things began to change soon after being nine months into the relationship and you both had to have everyone know that you belonged to each other.

it was the usual intimate things — hickeys, scratch marks, bite marks — that normally meant both of you were taken.

neither of you were complaining, though.

(megan still remembered the day she’d come home, her skin littered with your love bites.

“jesus christ,” manon muttered, seeing her neck. it wasn’t much, but it would take a little more effort to hide. “yn really needed to make her claim, didn’t she?”

lara peeked over at megan when she walked by, hearing the two converse and made her own teasing comment.

the dark haired girl blushed, but didn’t say anything. she was absolutely shameless, relishing in the fact that she was yours just as much as you were hers.

besides, she would be able to cover up a few hickeys here and there. you, on the other hand, wouldn’t fare well as much as her. your back was filled with long, red lines that megan was sure would sting for days.)

(she was a bit of a scratcher.)

the claims eventually gravitated to a more softer and innocent light.

for instance, megan always needing to hold your hand and run her thumb along the back of it. or you always having to have an arm around her, whether it be her waist or her shoulders. at some point, it was decided that you’d even wear one her bra straps on your wrist, almost as if it were a bracelet.

recently though, megan had built up a habit of sitting on your lap, which she claimed was her favorite place to be.

“is this seat taken?”

looking up, you see megan standing above you while you sat on a wooden bench outside. currently, you were at a house party that your mutual friend yunjin was throwing.

you chuckled, “which one?”

it wasn’t a serious question, knowing exactly what she meant. and even if there were plenty of other empty seats around you, megan only wanted one of them.

she didn’t respond, giving you a sly smile before she moved your hand out of the way and sat herself right on your lap. she wiggled, getting comfortable. immediately, your hands went around her torso, locking your right hand with her left one.

megan turned to give you a kiss, smiling gently, feeling as if she was at peace. her lips were soft and tasted of cherry.

“how long are you going to do this?” you asked, leaning your chin against her shoulder.

the conversation you’d been having previously was long forgotten, and although you felt a little guilty considering megan practically interrupted it, you knew you couldn’t focus on anything else with her around.

“oh this?” megan gestured downwards, “it’s sadly not a phase, i think i found my new favorite spot.”

the laugh that escaped you made megan’s chest warm, and the look in your eyes made her feel as she was the only person you were seeing right now.

“i’m not complaining, not at all.” you quickly said, hoping to convey that it wasn’t a problem. “in fact, i quite like it. having a pretty girl sitting on my lap is like a dream.”

“a pretty girl?” megan turned to face you completely.

her body was now turned to the side with her the side of shoulder against your chest instead of her back. the look on her face had you leaning in, ghosting your lips over hers. her eyebrow was raised, challenging you.

oh, how you loved to tease her.

“sorry, my pretty girl.”

your lips pressed together in a chaste kiss. you could feel megan smiling against your lips, her fingers fiddling with the bra strap on your wrist.

“ugh, here they go again.”

hearing the comment of daniela from around the room, megan pulled away and yelled an insult back, while you leaned into her and pressed a delicate kiss against her lower neck.

“are you comfortable?”

“very.”

you groaned at megan’s cheeky reply, but you brought her closer to you despite the circumstances.

“baby, you can’t even see the movie.”

megan was once again sitting on your lap, while you were on the couch in the living room of the katseye dorms. you’d be spending the night there, and while they were all in their own rooms, you and megan took the opportunity to watch movies in the lounge.

however, she seemed to have different plans.

as soon as you’d finally picked a movie, megan walked over to you with a bowl of popcorn. she set it down in front of you on a coffee table and maneuvered her way onto your lap.

her back was facing the tv, the movie now paused which barely even made it through the intro. you laughed quietly to yourself, pulling her even closer than before.

“the movie is the least of my concerns right now,” megan said, laying her cheek in your shoulder. “i just wanna cuddle.”

“we should’ve just stayed in your room then.” you replied, tracing shapes on her exposed skin.

“lara would tease us again.” she mumbled, and snuggled into you further.

a quiet and comforting atmosphere settled around you two as you continued tracing shapes, the feeling of it lulling megan into a drowsy state. her breathing evened out and you could tell she was close to falling asleep.

you realized then that the plans for a movie were a waste, breathing in her scent. she mumbled something under her breath so quiet that you barely heard her.

“mh?”

megan turned her head so that it was now tucked into your neck, “i asked how are you this comfortable?”

her breath tickled your skin, trying not to let it affect you too much. a lazy grin settled on your lips, and you shrugged lightly.

“i dunno, i guess i’m just built like that.” you whispered, to which she giggled at.

megan lifted up her head, now staring at you. her eyes were filled with such love and warmth that you couldn’t believe she was really with you.

“i’m using you as a pillow from now.” she stated, not leaving room for any argument.

a curt nod was given in response. accepting your fate, you knew then that megan would hold her word to it.

you were already late for the function, and it didn’t help that megan’s outfit had you undressing her with your eyes.

you were leaning against the doorframe of your bedroom, arms folded over your chest as you watched her movements. your gaze raked over her, admiring from afar. many thoughts swirled around in your head, but the main one was how could someone look so effortlessly beautiful?

“i can feel you staring.” she noted as she looked around the dresser for a specific necklace.

clicking your tongue, you tilted your head to the side. “well i can’t help it when my girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous.”

megan shook her head playfully, finally seeing the item she was searching for. she beckoned you over with her hand, holding the necklace up for you.

“help me put this on.”

she turned around, lifting her dark hair in order for you to place the necklace on her neck. making quick work of clasping the necklace together, you let it rest on the back of her neck, fingers trailing across her smooth skin.

peering at her figure the mirror, you let your thoughts consume your words.

“i don’t think i can make it through the night without tearing that dress off you.”

megan’s cheeks flushed a pink hue at your comment. she turned back to face you and tapped your chest twice.

“we’re already late.” she reminded you.

your hands snuck up to her waist, settling them on her hips and gripped softly. she looked over you once, thinking that you looked equally as beautiful as she did.

“we should take a photo.” megan moved to quickly grab her phone, opening up the camera app.

“you quite literally just said we’re already late.” you chuckled at her hypocrisy.

megan hushed you and made you sit on the square leather bench in front of the dresser. following her instructions obediently, you waited silently for her as she fixed herself one last time before taking a seat on your lap.

it was almost natural at this point, having her atop your legs.

your hands went to her thighs, feeling the dress material under your skin. she held up the camera in the mirror, capturing the moment of a kiss being pressed to her cheek.

“i am so making this my new background.” she smiled, and you finally left your apartment for the night ahead.

well, i’m back for another…

again, i apologize for any typos and hope reading this was enjoyable! i’m not sure if i like this much but i really wanted to write a megan imagine <3

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Hi!!! Could you possibly do a fluffy Rhys x reader where reader isn’t really into pda but the second her and Rhys are behind closed doors she becomes physically affectionate with him? She will show affection publicly every now and then but likes to keep it private for the most part.

Touch starved

Rhysand x f!Reader

Masterlist

Warnings; none, maybe a bit suggestive?

Hello I hope you enjoy the way i wrote your request

Rhysand always enjoyed showing off, it didn’t matter where he was, he didn’t care about the occasion meaning that he would steal the spotlight even at someone’s wedding. So, when he found his mate, he wanted to show her off to the entire world. He also wanted to show everyone that she belonged to him. Imagine the shock when he realized that you don’t like to show your affection in public. He was devastated at first but after the first time you spent time in public for more than a few hours he realized how good it felt when you were alone, how more affectionate you became because you were touch starved. Like today… Nesta decided to celebrate her birthday at a tavern which was kind of odd, but everyone agreed since you wanted to make the day about her and only her. You were sitting next to Rhysand as you talked with Cassian and Mor. Your knee touching your mate’s under the table being the only action of love for the time being. Rhysand felt irritated and he could feel your desperation to touch him through the bond but being the stubborn female you were he knew that you wouldn’t budge. It had been more than 15 hours since the last time you two were alone and your body was literally shaking with need, your shy nature though dreaded the idea of touching your dashing mate.

“Y/n are you listening?” Cassian asked with a worried look.

Your eyes focused back on him, and you shook your head trying to put your thoughts in order. “Yeah… no… sorry I’m just tired” you sighed.

“Honey, you don’t look good maybe you should head home” Mor suggested softly and caressed your upper arm.

Rhys immediately turned to you with furrowed eyebrows “Are you okay love?”

“I think we should go home” you replied and glanced at Nesta who was having the time of her life with her sisters. “I think she will be okay”.

Rhys smiled and being the amazing mate that he is he stood up and grabbed your hand leading you outside while also saying quick goodbyes to his friends.

The moment you stepped into your shared house you sighed in delight and ran to your room to get changed.

“So are you really tired or you couldn’t resist me anymore?” Rhys smirked when he walked into the room making you wonder if he somehow planted the need in your head.

You changed into your nightgown and glanced at him. “Just tired” you shrugged and slipped in your bed.

Rhys stopped undressing and looked at you with a cocked eyebrow making you giggle.

“You’re such a bad liar” he gave you his feline smile and crawled on the bed.

“Come here” you opened your arms and legs for him to lie on top of you. When he made himself comfortable between your legs with his head resting on your chest you smiled and started caressing his hair with one hand and his bare back with the other.

He hummed and relaxed on top of you carefully though so he wouldn’t crush you.

After a while you lowered yourself and planted kisses on top of his head making him moan and tighten his arms around your middle. His scent clouded your senses, the scent of smoke and whiskey with just a small hint of something sweet made you inhale sharply while your hand trembled on top of his velvety skin.

“Feels so nice” he murmured, and you smiled.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Morning came and you woke up alone stretching over his side of the bed trying to find some of his familiar warmth. After a few minutes you huffed because it wasn’t enough and left the room in search for your mate. You tiptoed into his office where he was seated on his big chair, legs spread wide as he read a book.

“There you are” you said softly and approached him. He gave you a sweet smile and you took a seat on his lap.

“Hi” you murmured and rubbed your cheek on the base of his neck touching your cold nose on his warm and soft skin earning a chuckle from him.

“Missed me?” He asked and started caressing your hair with one hand while the other held the book.

“You know I can’t stay away from you” you smiled and wrapped your hands around his torso. “Wish I could stay here all day”

You felt his chest moving sharply as he let out a small laugh “then that’s what we’ll do” he replied and got comfortable.

That’s how you spent your day, on his lap prepping small kisses on his neck and chest while he read his book with a sweet smile on his face

@littlest-w01f , @zara-aliza08

[salty-autistic-writer]

Buck can’t bake anymore.

He’s sick of it. Sick of lemon loaf waiting forever on the kitchen counter and of Baked Alaska melting in his fridge.

The sweet relief of the moment changed into bitter memories that feel like ash in his mouth now.

He can’t bake anymore. So he turned back to pasta, pancakes and omelette. Back to pans and spices and knives. He serves his meals at the firehouse, wiping his hands on his apron, nervously waiting for reactions. Because it seems to be good. But he can never be sure it’s good enough. 

Will I ever be good enough for someone to stay? 

“It’s really good, Buck,” Hen assures him. Chimney nods, his mouth full of lasagna. Bobby helps himself to a second serving already. Eddie licks sauce from the corner of his mouth, grins, and calls Buck a chef. “Is there something you’re not telling us?” He asks teasingly. “Were you offered a position at a 5-star restaurant?”

And Buck laughs dutifully. But inside, he still feels that ache that never quite goes away. It’s better now. But it’s still there. Not good enough. Not enough. Not enough for something that lasts forever. Not ...

“This smells delicious,” a new voice adds quietly behind him.

Buck’s head perks up. His breath hitches and his heart seems to stop for a whole beat before restarting at a more frantic pace. No. It can’t be. He can’t be here, right? Just … like that? Now?!

He slowly turns his head. And there he is. Tommy. He’s real.

He’s standing there, wearing his turnouts, wringing his hands, blue eyes flickering back and forth. And the first thing Buck feels is rage. Because … what the hell? Here? Now? Like this? 

His first instinct is to yell. But he's frozen. Can’t decide what to say. Or do. He’s frozen. And after the initial shock, he has time to take Tommy in. Really take him in.

He looks ... drained. More gaunt than Buck has ever seen him. His hair is tousled and his posture expresses exhaustion. His eyes are redrimmed and his skin is a little too pale to pass as normal. In fact, Tommy looks like he's been through hell. Buck doesn't know what to think or feel. He just stares and Tommy fidgets and everyone around them is too quiet, the moment stretching until the silence roars in Buck's ears.

“Hey Tommy,” Chimney finally says, after swallowing a mouth full of lasagna, smiling after sharing a glance with Hen. “Are you … okay?”

So they can all see it too, Buck thinks. They can all see the numbness of terror in Tommy’s eyes. The too-thin line of his mouth. The ghostly paleness of his skin. They can all see it. Something happened. What happened? Or ... Is it the breakup? That angry part of Buck hopes it's the breakup. Hopes Tommy had his share of suffering, longing, wondering, breaking ... But he somehow feels like it's something different.

Tommy clears his throat. “I … I’m sorry. My phone is broken. I didn't want to intrude. But I drove by and I thought ..."

“Sit,” Buck says. Quietly. But sternly.

Tommy blinks. “I …”

“Sit. And eat.” Buck points at the free seat on the table. And - of course, it’s Tommy’s old place, he realises then. Sometimes it sends a chill down his back to think about the fact that he basically took Tommy’s place at the 118 only for them to meet years later. It could have been such a romantic fact. A string of fate connecting them through the 118. But … well. Tommy dumping him cut into that string like a knife.

Tommy is still hesitating. Looks like a deer in the headlights, a second away from turning away and running. Again. Just like he ran after he decided to end the relationship. Coward , Buck can’t help to think. That’s the angry part of him, he knows. The part that wants to punch walls, shatter glass and scream in Tommy’s face.

“You look like you could use some food,” Bobby says calmly. “Regain some energy,” Hen adds, matter-of-factly.

“It’s really good lasagna. You don’t want to miss it,” Chimney chimes in. “Especially not after a long shift.”

“I think I just heard your stomach growl, man,” Eddie says, pointing his fork at Tommy.

“Okay,” Tommy says, finally, his shoulders sagging with the relief of the decision.

He sits. Buck loads a massive lasagna heap on a plate and puts it in front of Tommy. After a moment and another subtle glance between Buck and Tommy, everyone starts talking again. They do their best to be a distraction. To make it seem like this is a normal thing. As if nothing happened. And Tommy eats. He finishes his plate. Then eats some more. He makes some small talk, smiles a few times, nods and even laughs one time about something Eddie tells him. But.

But Buck sees what no one else sees. He sees behind the facade of facial expressions. And what he observes makes the worry nag at him with sharpening teeth. It’s the way the smile never reaches Tommy’s eyes. They remain distant. Clouded and numb. Something happened. Something bad. And of course, Tommy isn’t talking about it. But it was bad enough to have him come here. Just like that. So it has to be really bad.

Eventually, Tommy clears his throat and pushes his chair back. “Thank you for the food. It was really good. I should go home now.”

“I’m going to drive you,” Buck says. It’s a heartbeat decision. Almost surprising himself. But it’s the right thing to do. He can feel it.

Tommy looks startled. “You … you don’t have to.”

Buck sets his jaw. “I want to.”

“My truck …”

“You can pick it up tomorrow,” Buck says. “Not a problem.”

The others fell silent and are watching the conversation between them, not saying anything.

Tommy swallows, his discomfort clearly growing now that so many people are looking at him. He’s already pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Buck knows why. Of course, he does. He knows Tommy is fidgeting with something, trying to calm his nerves. Oh. He knows this man so well, doesn’t he? But apparently not well enough. Not well enough to be with him forever, like he imagined. The rage curls around Buck’s heart again. “Alright,” Tommy finally says, giving in.

For the tevan advent calendar day 21: Trauma / PTSD

(Continue reading: AO3)

[devil-in-hiding]

I had this idea last night and it’s been eating away at me since:

Childhood best friend!Simon who left when he joined the military. Cbf!Simon who, after finding his family murdered, disappears again -or so you think. Simon, who spends every night he’s in town at your place while you sleep. Who sees that you kept his old jumper, the one he gave you before he left. He sees how you hold it and cuddle it, holding it to your nose as if hoping it still smelled like him after all these years. He can’t give you a new one, but he can make this one smell like him again. When you’re out buying groceries, so much more often than usual, it seems, he takes the jumper and rubs in against himself; his armpits, the back of his neck, and then, against his cock and balls as the scent of you fills his nose.

You seem to sleep better that night.

Other things start to change too. He now starts to touch you as you sleep. Just brushing his hands against your hair. Feather-light touches that are almost impossible to feel.

He does darker things too. You are, thankfully, single. And he makes sure you stay that way. Your nice lotion gets an extra load of five of protein. Your blind dates mysteriously stop texting you back. You’re getting /frustrated/ which leads to a night with your vibe and dildo (much smaller than his, Simon notes. He’ll have to change that). Your little moans and whines make it almost impossible for him to not barge into your room and take you. But Simon Riley is nothing if not patient. When you finally fall asleep, one hand still clutching your dildo, he sneaks out.

Two weeks later, a mysterious package is at your door from a secret admirer. You don’t even notice the “clone a Willy” printed on the bottom of the silicone toy. What you do notice is how big it is and how much you want it to ruin your holes. You set to work right away, opening yourself up. Getting so frustrated that it doesn’t fully fit. All the while your secret admirer watches from your closet.

And when he does finally lay claim to you? It’s all roses and apologies.

He knocks on your door after a particularly grueling mission, bouquet of your favorite flowers and a teddy bear in hand.

“Simon?” You say, shock coloring your voice. “My Simon?”

“‘Ello, lovie,” he replies. Sheepishly smiling, he holds out the gifts.

“This is real? You’re really here?” You ask grabbing the flowers and teddy.

“‘M here,” he says, scared you might reject him after all this time. Not that it matters, but it would still hurt.

You drop the gifts and he braces for the rejection. What he didn’t plan on, was you wrapping your arms around him and sobbing into his chest. “Si, I missed you so much.” He leads you into your flat, you don’t wonder how he knows where your room is. He sits you on your bed and holds you while you cry.

He’s a perfect gentleman for the first few months of dating and rekindling your friendship. It’s not until you tell him one night after a few drinks too many, “you know, Si? I had the biggest crush on you when we were kids.”

“Did you now, lovie?”

“Still do,” you confess, eyes strangely clear despite the alcohol.

He doesn’t think when he finally kisses you. Falling into bed with you is easier than breathing.

Your breath hitches as you feel that familiar stretch when he enters you. But you don’t think about it. You don’t think what it means when he hits every spot that your secret admirer’s gift reaches.

Now he has you. And now he’s not letting go.

♠️

I’m clawing the fucking floor my scent kink has not recovered jeowkdkfoekskdkrkkwlfk

[scribbly-artist]

Gently, Please

Summary: Jayce is at a breaking point now that he’s on the council, he wasn’t expecting all of this responsibility put onto him. He goes to the place (and the person) that puts him most at ease.

Author’s Notes: For some reason I struggled with this one and I wasn’t really sure why. I feel like they’re a bit OOC, but you guys can judge that or let me know if I’m overthinking it. 🤔 I feel like I write a lot of angst/comfort tickles, someone should tell me to write some sass with Jayce and Viktor one day, I feel like it’d be fun.

Thanks to the anon for giving me this prompt! I hope you like it. :)

Words: ~1,300 | AO3 Link

Jayce couldn't take much more. 

He missed being in the lab with his partner. Being in the council was fine, he supposed. It gave him a lot of opportunities to help with their Hextech research outside of the lab. Getting investors and funding really helped. 

But honestly? He'd rather be in the lab. 

That's how he always felt - he wasn't used to telling others what to do, wasn't used to all this responsibility. He needed a break, even for an afternoon. 

And that's what he intended on doing as he made his way to the lab - his second home - pushing the doors open upon entry.

Viktor was working away - as usual, he practically lived here - his back turned to Jayce. As Jayce approached, he could see Viktor was messing with… some sort of new device at the workbench. 

The sound of Jayce’s footsteps alerted Viktor, resulting in him swivelling around in his chair, pushing his goggles up to his forehead. 

“Hello, stranger,” he commented, looking Jayce up and down. “I haven't seen you in a while - mm, how are things with the council?”

Jayce’s expression changed to something troubled. “It's a lot to take in. I'm not used to all of this. If I'm being honest, I'd rather be here.”

“Would you be comfortable talking about it?” Viktor enquired, using his cane to lift himself off his seat, and then lifting himself to sit up on the workbench, waving a hand to offer Jayce his seat. 

Jayce sat down, the chair bouncing a little as he lowered his weight on it. 

“I didn’t ask to be on the council. I know there’s a lot of benefits to it. For our research, for me, for you. This is all new to me, though.” Jayce leaned over, laying his head down on Viktor’s lap, the other placing a loving hand gently on his head. “I’m a symbol - an icon now. I’m the Man of Progress, making Piltover’s future brighter. But it’s a lot of responsibility I didn’t ask for.” Jayce let out a sigh as he finished speaking.

“It’s a lot to take on, that’s why I try to not be in the public eye,” Viktor spoke, carding his fingers through Jayce’s hair. Viktor knew it soothed him in times of heavy stress. “I apologise for that. Perhaps if I did, you wouldn’t be bearing this feeling all alone.”

“No, Vik, it’s fine. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable having so many eyes on you,” Jayce moved one of his hands to rest on Viktor’s knee. “I just have to bear it. For us, for our work. For our Hextech dream.”

“I’m always in the lab if you need someone to discuss this with, Jayce. All you need to do is ask, and I will always assist you when you need it.”

“I’m grateful you’re on my side, Viktor.” Letting out a relieved sigh, Jayce closed his eyes. “It’s good to get things off my chest. Though, it didn’t make me feel as good as I thought it would.”

“Mm, Is there anything I can do to make it better perhaps?” Asked Viktor, his fingers tangled in Jayce’s hair.

Jayce thought for a moment. Well, he noticed there was always something Viktor would do for Jayce whenever he was stressed out. He always struggled to find the words to ask, though… 

“Can you do… that thing?” Asked Jayce, craning his head so he could look up at Viktor.

Viktor raised a questioning eyebrow. “That ‘thing’?”

“Yeah, you know, that thing you always do whenever I'm stressed out of my mind… or when I’m annoying you too much.”

Viktor tilted his head in confusion at first. He had to flip through his memory for this one. 

Whenever Jayce was being stubborn or particularly irritable, mainly when Jayce was running low on sleep, Viktor had a few tricks up his sleeve to try to make Jayce relax. Sometimes, he had to pull out the big guns… ah, he remembered. 

Jayce wanted Viktor to tickle him. He realised Jayce had the most roundabout way of asking for it, though…

“Ehh, you can use your words, you know.” Viktor had to tease Jayce just a little with a chuckle. 

Jayce moved his hand to cover his eyes with the back of it, his cheeks a little red from the conversation. “It's embarrassing… it makes me feel weak. But I never seem to mind whenever you do it.”

Viktor’s hand trailed from Jayce’s head to the nape of his partner’s neck, scribbling his fingers against the skin. “Well, how could I decline?”

Jayce was already starting to crack up from the small simple touch alone. “Ahaha, can you just– hehehe, be gentle?”

Viktor scoffed at that. “Aren’t I always?”

“Yeheheah, but extra gentle thihihis time.” Was Jayce’s giggly request.

“Whatever you say.” Gently pushing Jayce’s head so Viktor could slide off the bench, he propped his cane off to the side so he could use both hands. He reached forward, gently wiggling his fingers against Jayce’s sides.

Jayce was already giggling, even more so now. He reached out and latched his hands on Viktor’s wrists, but made no attempt to move his hands away. In fact, it was to keep Viktor’s hands in place. Viktor’s hands moved up to gently squeeze at Jayce’s ribs, causing Jayce to throw his head back and laugh.

“You know… mhm, whenever you want this, you can just say the word. You don’t have to bug me while I’m trying to concentrate. And you don’t have to beat around the bush when you’re upset, you understand? Even without saying it directly, I can always tell when you’re in a mood… for this.” Viktor wanted to know Jayce was safe to tell him these things.

Jayce nodded his head in reply, scrunching up his nose when Viktor hit a particularly sensitive rib. Viktor always liked to watch his face change whenever he tickled him. He looked different with a carefree smile stretched across his face.

Viktor started to slow down, figuring that Jayce had had enough. He pulled his hands away, placing them on his hips instead. “How was that? Did it make you feel better?”

Jayce was slowly catching his breath, even gently tickling took his breath away. “Yehehes, thank you, V…” he gazed up at Viktor with a smile, getting up from the chair. 

“It’s definitely a strange thing to ask to make yourself feel better… but it makes sense when it’s you, somehow. Very odd, but endearing.” Viktor gently teased and gave a small smile.

Jayce’s heart nearly leapt out of his chest at Viktor’s comments, his face growing more beet red. “Ahem, anyway… before anyone starts looking for me, why don’t I help you out for a while? Knowing Mel, she’ll start wondering where I am.”

“Of course, I’d be pleased. You haven’t been in the lab for quite a while now. I appreciate the assistance, and the company.”

They both wandered over to the blackboard to discuss some new ideas for Hextech. They could be lab partners for a little while longer.

He really missed this.

[ssentimentals]

hihi love!! i’m so obsessed w your work 😭😭 you just do such a good job writing ajdhjshdhw 🥺🩷🩷

could i request hurt prompt 35 w woozi pls? a happy ending would be nice but it doesn’t have to be!! tysm love🥹🩷

- 🫧

hihi babie!! omg this is so nice?? thank you so much for being this kind!! hopefully you will like your request 💜

hurt prompt: 'i'm not sure how many coffees it takes for me to be happy, but so far, it's not twelve.'

'i feel like i should be happy and excited for the festive season but i just can't.' you mutter, adjusting your earphones. 'it's just been so shitty at work lately, you know? i don't have it in me to actually feel anything.'

your best friend lets you let it all out. she lets you go on and on about the work, your rant ending only when you come closer to your house. you also wanted to discuss jihoon with her, but that is going to wait for another time then. hanging you up, you sigh, slowing your stride. everything's been shitty lately not only at work; your relationship with jihoon started to crack as well. it's not very obvious, but the breach was formed and you feel like you both are just drifting further and further apart each day. coming home used to be the best part of your day, but now it's ad dreadful as going to work and it's just- sad. sadder than that is only your complete lack of any desire to do anything about it.

'welcome home,' jihoon greets, when you come in. he notices slight frown at your forehead and cautiously asks: 'is everything okay?'

'mhm.' you try to smile, but it comes off more as a grimace. 'how are you? have you already eaten? if yes i can just-'

'no,' jihoon interrupts. 'i waited for you.'

you blink. that is... new. you both didn't wait for each other last two months. your heart skips a beat at this, small flicker of hope reignites in your chest. this time you smile for real: 'oh, thank you. can you heat it up then? warm food will make me very happy now.'

jihoon smiles. 'i thought coffee makes you happy?'

'not right now. 'i'm not sure how many coffees it takes for me to be happy, but so far, it's not twelve.'

you quickly change and come back to the kitchen right at the time of jihoon setting up the table. you both work in silence; you feel tongue-tied, not knowing what to say and how to ask simple things. when it became so awkward to just be with jihoon? you eat in silence too, or more like you both push your food around the plate, not looking up at each other. it's incredibly tense and you're surprised that jihoon is the one who snaps first with a humourless chuckle: 'this is not working, is it?'

you can argue, of course. you can remind him that it's not working because of him. you can start fighting again. instead, you agree. 'yeah, it's.. not.'

jihoon nods. he's staring at his plate intently like leftover meatballs have answers to his question. when he looks up, his gaze is filled with hesitance and hope: 'do you want it? to work?'. he licks his lips, quickly adding: 'because i do. i just- past few months were hard. i sucked, i know. but like, i- i want this. to work. do you?'

crying with meatballs in your mouth is really not the best thing you can do, but you can't stop tears from falling down. swallowing without chewing and choking on the food, you quickly down your glass of water and let out sincere: 'i do. i'm sorry, i sucked too.'

jihoon nods. he looks like he wants to laugh at your red face from choking, but he wisely holds himself back. 'okay. then,' he takes a deep breath, 'we will finish this now and go to bed and talk about it.'

you nod. 'we can come up for something to get us into holiday mood?' you suggest hesitantly.

jihoon brightens up at this. 'yeah, sounds good.'

you both smile at each other and hope inside your chest flickers stronger than before. jihoon reaches out across the table and takes your hand in his. flicker of hope turns into a burning fire.

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[kikyoupdates]

Bloodthirst ⭑˚💋⭑ 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑒

bnha x vampire!reader

reverse harem, my hero academia x fem!reader, my vampire!reader, slowburn

As punishment for your sins, you, a young vampire, are banished — not just from your home, but to a different world entirely. Now, you find yourself in a foreign place where Quirks and heroes are the norm. In addition to coming to terms with your new life, you must also face your greatest challenge: controlling your massive thirst for blood.

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Izuku’s big green eyes were wide and trembling. He looked appalled, and somewhat horrified as well, although you supposed that was only natural, considering what you’d just asked him. In a human-dominated world such as this one, someone like you was an obvious anomaly.  

Still, you weren’t feeling well right now. Far from it, as a matter of fact. The suddenness of your being brought into this different realm was clearly having an adverse effect on your body. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt such a dizzying wave of hunger before.  

If you didn’t consume some blood, and soon, things were going to get ugly.  

You swallowed hard, trying not to scare him too much. “I can understand... why you’d be shocked. I’ve been catching you off guard with so many different things. But, um, you see... I’m actually a vampire. I need to drink blood in order to survive. And I'm feeling super weak all of a sudden...”  

Cue the silence. He wasn’t speaking at all. Actually, it was more accurate to say that he couldn’t speak, what with the way his mouth had frozen from shock. His reaction was enough to tell you that vampires definitely weren’t commonplace in this world, unlike what you’d been hoping for.  

“V-Vampire,” Izuku blinked, still trying to wrap his head around your words. “This is all just... I’m sorry, but I don’t know what to think. By vampire, you mean those supernatural beings that drink blood from humans?”  

“Ah. So, you have heard of us.”  

“Only in books and movies! Not in real life!”  

“Well, it looks as though what may be fiction in one world is actually reality in another. When you think about it, having multiple worlds in the first place is already crazy enough. Before I was cast away, I hadn’t even considered the possibility.”  

As much as you would have loved to sit down and have a proper conversation explaining the details of your situation, you could feel yourself growing weaker by the second. At first, it was just that your body felt hot and you were rather dizzy, but your stomach was starting to have painful pangs, and the cut on your shoulder was throbbing uncontrollably. You hadn’t realized just how much strain this change would place on your body. Fuck... 

You felt like you might go insane.  

“I-I’m sorry for frightening you,” you managed weakly. This was bad. This was really, really bad. If Izuku didn’t agree to give you some of his blood, you were afraid that in your desperation, you might just lunge straight at him. The whole purpose of you being here was so that you could learn to control yourself, but how could you do that under these circumstances? Your body felt like it was being ripped apart from the inside. Even your brain was starting to turn to mush.  

Izuku now looked visibly concerned, although it could have been that your vision was also starting to fail you. Either way, it seemed like he was beginning to take your words much more seriously. The way you kept on gasping for breath and clutching at your injured shoulder probably had something to do with it.  

“Are you... telling the truth?” he asked quietly. “If you’re really telling the truth, and you need to do this otherwise you won’t survive... then I don’t mind giving you my blood.”  

You gave him a look of disbelief. He... actually believed you? If vampires truly didn’t exist in this world, then he really had no reason to. You imagined that most people would have probably shrugged you off, assuming that you were putting on some overdramatic performance for whatever reason. Maybe they would have even thought you were insane.  

But not Izuku. You could tell by the way he was looking at you. Whether or not he was truly convinced by your words, it seemed like in this moment, the only thing he was interested in was helping to ease your pain.  

He wanted to save you. That was what his eyes seemed to convey.  

“If you really don’t mind... then, please,” you nodded. Beads of cold sweat had begun to form across your forehead. You were on the verge of passing out if you didn’t drink any blood soon, and now that you were in a foreign land, you feared to discover just how dire the consequences would be.  

Izuku glanced around, then gestured for you to follow him. “L-Let’s maybe go somewhere a bit more private,” he offered. “If you think you’re able to make it a bit further...?”  

That was probably for the best. Drawing needless attention to yourself wouldn’t do you any favors, and you were fairly certain that most people would be flabbergasted—and probably horrified—if they saw what you were about to do.  

Steeling yourself against the pain, you followed Izuku and headed for a more secluded area. He kept on glancing over at you nervously the whole time, checking in to make sure you were still okay. Well, you weren’t really okay, but relief was only a short while away, so you told yourself to hold on just a bit longer. 

Finally, you seemed to have reached a good spot. A small alleyway behind a rather shoddy-looking building. You hoped its poor condition meant that most people wouldn’t come this way. 

Izuku looked nervous, and you couldn’t really blame him. “Um, so...” he said, twiddling his thumbs. “H-How exactly do we do this...?”  

“The neck,” you said, swallowing impatiently. “It’s the easiest spot for me to bite into. But if you’re too scared, I could use your arm instead. Actually, maybe it’s better that way. It’ll be easier for you to push me back if you need to.”  

“Why would I need to push you back?”  

“Because...”  

Because I might not be able to stop myself.  

You didn’t voice that last part out loud, as guilty as you felt about it. There was no point in scaring Izuku off, especially since it wouldn’t change your predicament in the slightest. If he got too frightened and ran off, you would just have to find some other poor person to feed off. And unlike with Izuku, you doubted they would go along so willingly.  

You also didn’t exactly have the luxury of time on your side. The longer you waited, the weaker you became and the more ravenous you felt. The worst-case scenario would be if you lost control of yourself and started attacking people indiscriminately. After all, your family wouldn’t be here to stop you this time.  

“Never mind,” you said with a shake of your head. “But... if you’re sure you want to do this, then please roll up your sleeve and stick your arm out.”  

Izuku nodded hastily and did just that. He exposed his forearm, which was practically blemish-free, a small dusting of freckles strewn across certain areas. Even though hardly anything had changed, you could feel your heart beating a bit faster. He smelled way too good. If this was how good he smelled, you could only imagine how much better he would taste.  

It was a challenge, but you forced yourself to get a grip. You never wanted a repeat of what had happened with your friend. You never wanted to hurt someone like that ever again.

Fingers shaking a bit, you carefully grabbed Izuku’s arm and lifted it towards your mouth. You were both quite nervous, it looked like, but each for the opposite reason. Izuku’s was for fear of getting hurt, and yours was for fear of hurting him.  

But there was no way around it. You weren’t about to roll over and die after being in this new world for less than a day.  

You parted your lips and unhinged your jaw. Izuku let out a little gasp when he saw the way your teeth sharpened; your canines turning into pointed fangs. If he didn’t believe you to begin with, it looked like he was definitely starting to now.  

“This is going to hurt quite a bit,” you warned him. You felt it was only fair for him to prepare himself in advance. Izuku, however, didn’t seem deterred.  

“It’s okay,” he nodded. “You need help. I’m going to help you.”  

Without giving him another chance to second-guess his decision, you sank your fangs into the skin near his wrist. As expected, he let out a hiss and sucked in a breath of air to keep from screaming. All things considered, he was taking it surprisingly well. Most people who weren’t used to having their blood sucked tended to panic quite a bit the first time.  

But honestly, you were too distracted to marvel in his bravery right now. Just as you’d surmised, his blood really was beyond your expectations. Different humans tended to have different tastes; like with everything else in life, there was a certain amount of variety you could expect. That being said, you’d tasted plenty of delicious blood before.  

Even so, Izuku’s was easily the best.

You slurped from his skin greedily, relieved to feel your strength coming back to you almost at once. Every so often, Izuku would scrunch up his nose and shudder. His eyes were squeezed shut, probably because he was too scared to actually watch what was happening. That was fine, though. He was already being more than generous towards you, and for a human who’d only just found out vampires actually existed, his courage was truly admirable.  

It was like you’d died and gone to heaven, if there really was such a place. Assuming vampires were allowed in heaven, anyways. The point was that you’d never tasted anything so delicious before in your entire life, and you wanted to keep gorging yourself on his blood—for the rest of eternity, if you could.  

Alas, you couldn’t. It was hard, really hard, but you forced yourself to pull away. Izuku’s blood was intoxicating, but you needed to learn from your mistakes. You couldn’t harm the person who’d risked his own wellbeing just to try and help you.  

Gaze lidded, you wiped the back of your hand across your mouth, cleaning away any blood that still lingered on your lips. “All done,” you said.  

Izuku finally worked up the nerve to open his eyes again and get a proper look at you. He paused for a moment, looking a bit uncertain, before finally glancing down near his wrist, where he noticed the two puncture marks your fangs had left behind.  

“Y-You really drank my blood,” he marveled, lightly pressing near the wounds. They were definitely tender, so he winced a bit when he applied a touch too much force.  

“Thank you so much,” you sighed heavily. “I’m feeling a lot better now. I made sure not to take too much blood from you, but how is it? Are you feeling lightheaded or anything like that? Does it still hurt a lot even though I’ve stopped?”  

Izuku shook his head. “No... I’m okay. I’m not really sure how to describe it, but I could definitely feel that you were sucking my blood out. I-It's not a sensation I ever thought I would experience, that much is for sure.”  

“You’re amazing, Izuku. You let me suck your blood even though you must have been so scared.”  

“I’m nothing special!” he blurted. His face had turned red again. You figured it had less to do with you sucking his blood and more so the fact that you’d complimented him. “You weren’t looking so good earlier, but it seems like that’s changed for the better now. I’m so relieved,” he smiled. “That means I was able to make a difference, right?”  

Although you’d only just met, it was already abundantly clear that he was a good guy.  

You grinned back at him. “Back in my world, even the humans that are used to having their blood sucked still get a bit scared from time to time. But you took it like a champ, even though you didn’t know what to expect. You really are incredible. There’s no need to be embarrassed. Being brave is something to take pride in.”  

“I-I-If you say so!” Izuku spluttered nervously. He didn’t seem to handle praise well. Perhaps he wasn’t used to hearing it?  

If that was the case, then you’d have to do your best to change fix that.  

But seriously... what a relief. I felt like I was going to die if I didn’t drink any blood right away.  

The reality was that you very well could have died. There was no one here to look after you. Even though this punishment seemed quite cruel, you knew that you’d only ended up in this position thanks to your negligence. A life was a life. Like your parents had said, you needed to never take it for granted ever again.  

Although the momentary silence wasn’t unsettling, Izuku still felt the need to chime in. “Um, so... are you okay now, [Name]?”  

“Yes! I’m as good as new,” you beamed, twirling in place for emphasis.  

“I’m glad to hear that. But... what are you going to do next? You said you don’t have a place to live, right? Because your family sent you here?”  

Ah. Right. Even though the emergency had been dealt with, you were still pretty royally screwed.  

You nodded somberly. “Yeah. I did something to really upset them, so they told me I’m not allowed to come home until I’ve taken the time to reflect on my mistakes and mature a bit.”  

“Still... a whole different world?” Izuku gaped. “That’s way too severe of a punishment, no matter what! How could your parents do that to you? What exactly did you do that made them so angry?”

You swallowed. Honestly, you were hesitant to reveal the exact reason behind your banishment. Izuku had been nothing but kind to you, but if he found out what you’d done, he might leave you behind and never look back.  

“I don’t want to say,” you admitted, casting your head to the ground. “I’m sorry. Just... not right away. Maybe once you get to know me a bit better.”  

Izuku looked surprised at first, but he quickly shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have tried to pry in the first place!” he reassured. “It sounds like you’ve been through a lot already. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I was in your place... sorry for pressuring you for an answer.”  

“There’s no reason to apologize. It’s only natural to be curious.”  

You really were fortunate to have run into Izuku. For once, acting on your bloodthirst had proven to be the right call.  

Still. You were very much in a sticky situation.

“This is incredibly shameless of me,” you started, clenching your hands into fists and swallowing your embarrassment, “but... is there any way I might be able to stay with you for a little while? As of now, you’re the only one who knows that I’m a vampire from a different world. I’m just really lost and afraid, but you’ve been so nice to me, and even helped me. Just for a little while—just long enough for me to figure out what to do next. Would that be okay...?”  

Of course it wasn’t okay. You couldn’t believe that you were even daring to impose on him like this. But you weren’t lying about being scared. Just because you were strong didn’t mean that you didn’t get nervous or doubt yourself. You were only fourteen years old, apart from your family for the very first time—literally worlds apart.  

You were far from perfect, and you knew that. You just hoped that Izuku might be willing to put up with you for a little longer.

“Okay.”  

You blinked.  

Wait... what did he just say?  

It wasn’t just the fact that he’d said it. It was the way he’d said it, with little to no hesitation whatsoever. 

Izuku smiled shyly. “You need help, and I’m happy that you think I might be able to lend a hand. Normally I would suggest going to the heroes for something serious like this... but your situation is definitely unique, so I can understand why you’d be scared when you don’t know anything about this place. We can figure out a solution together... a-alright?”  

Tears welled up in your eyes. You couldn’t help it. He wasn’t just a good guy. He was an absolute angel.  

“My hero!” you couldn’t help but cry out, throwing yourself over him and giving him a big hug. “Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! This means more to me than you’ll ever know! I promise that no matter what I have to do, I’ll find a way to repay you somehow!”  

Izuku let out a noise that was somewhere in between a squeak and a gasp. He didn’t try to push you off as you squeezed your arms around him. Actually, his face was so red that it looked like he was about to start blowing steam from his ears, so you figured he was frozen stiff from shock.  

At the risk of sending him into cardiac arrest, you decided you should probably pull away and give him some space.  

“Sorry about that,” you apologized sheepishly. “I got a bit too excited there.”  

Izuku’s cheeks were still aflush, and he was staring at you in some sort of daze. “...hero,” he mumbled.  

“Hm?”  

“You just... called me your hero,” he swallowed, suddenly looking as though he was about to cry tears of joy.  

“Because you are,” you encouraged happily. “You’re saving me big-time!”  

“It’s just... no one’s ever said that to me before. Not a single person.”  

“Wow. So, I guess that makes me the first!”  

“Yeah.” Izuku let out a giggle, and you could’ve sworn your heart skipped a beat. He was grinning ear-to-ear now. “You’re the first, [Name].”  

Something told you that despite being banished, this world had plenty of bright moments in store for you.

More chapters are available on Quotev, Ao3, and Wattpad !

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[trippinsorrows]

midnight sun

authors note: don't ask. don't ask. don't ask.

words: 1.8k

warnings: angst, domestic violence

song inspo: 'faithfully' by journey

And bein' apart ain't easy on this love affair Two strangers learn to fall in love again I get the joy of rediscovering you

Pressure.

A constant, almost soothing, irreparable thing. A loyal companion that hasn’t escaped nor forsaken him for as long as he can remember. The perpetual weight of responsibility that was assigned to him the day he entered this world, and something that will remain with him until the day he leaves it.

Whenever the fuck that’ll be.

At this rate and with his luck, not for a very long time.

“Did you know that the average person has four bad days per month?”  An overheard question.  Something Roman has to scoff at. Whatever sample that was used that produced such a statistic had to have been the fucking soccer and yoga moms. The ones who consider Starbucks being out of fucking pumpkin spice the definition of a bad day. “Adults also apparently smile 15 to 20 times per day.”

Another random fact that’s overheard, except it’s something that Roman realizes is much closer than he initially realized. The proximity does not align with something that’s in earshot. More so something that’s right in front of him.

“I don’t know if I—if I really believe all that, but—”

With a heavy sigh, he lifts his head, ready to lay into the poor, unsuspecting soul. “Why are you fucking talking to—”

Two abrupt stops. Two interruptions. Two complete collisions. 

A second round.

Years. Almost twenty, and yet the instant his eyes lock with hers, he knows, and judging by the way she drops the notepad in her hand, she knows, too.

It’s been some time since he’s felt so thoroughly shaken, but that’s exactly what he feels in this moment.

“Solana?”

Not that there was any doubt before, but the tiny gasp that leaves her mouth is all the confirmation he needs that this is most definitely her. 

Her eyes. So big, brown, and inquisitive. Once filled with an abundance of hurt and pain, an ideal match with his all that time ago, is no longer the same. Something different. There’s some trace of happiness. Yet, there’s something almost disingenuous about it. Like, it’s a poor attempt at camouflaging what was felt so long ago.

What might still be felt.

“Roman….”

His jaw clenches. It’s been so long since he’s heard his name leave the mouth of someone like her. Soft. Innocent. Kind.

None of those non-physical things about her have changed. He can tell that even in this brief, unexpected interaction. 

Naturally, his eyes move over her, noticing her hair is no longer long and cascading down her back. It’s short, barely brushing past her shoulders. Lighter. It suits her.

Her body is filled out, shapely, womanly, heavy in the desired areas. And the minute her mouth curls into an almost hesitant smile, he finds himself pleased that that has remained unchanged.

She always had such a soothing, beautiful smile.

“I—what—what are you doing here?”

A good fucking question considering he has a million and other things on his to-do list and not one of them includes sitting in this random coffee shop he drove past on his aimless drive. 

“I mean,” she laughs nervously, hand to her face, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, that’s—that’s a silly question. You don’t have to answer—”

“I was driving and saw it. Wanted coffee.” Not necessarily a lie. He does now want coffee but not necessarily when he chose to park his Maserati and enter into the quiet, almost wholesome shop. “You work here.” A statement. Not a question.

Nodding, he’s much more pleased than he should be to see her smile grow. “Well, technically, I—I own it, but—”

“You own this place?” To anyone else, it’s perhaps a silly thing to “ask” given she just said as such, but for him, for them, it's so much more.

Her smile is bright, a light that contrasts the still unhealed bruises on her face as she shares with much more hope and optimism than anyone in their situation should have, “I want to own a coffee shop some day.” Looking over at him, consciously or unconsciously scooting closer, she challenges, “guess what I’m gonna name it?”

A bitter scoff leaves his mouth. He rolls his eyes but still gives it a go. “Sunshine’s place or some shit like that?”

Her giggle is a respite from the heaviness of the past two weeks. The only escape he’s found in this hell hole. And not just the facility. 

“No. I’m gonna name it—”

“Dulce’s…..” Roman pulls himself from a memory buried so deep, he doesn’t know how he was able to retrieve it. “You always said…..” 

“Yeah…..” she answers in a low voice, pushing back some of her hair, a nervous habit he sees still exists. But, it’s not the habit he’s focused on. It’s the diamond on her finger.

An engagement ring. 

“You’re engaged.” Another assessment. One that shouldn’t stir up whatever the fuck is brewing within him.

For a second, she looks like it’s a surprise to her as well. And, he sees it, catches the brief glimpse of an attempted escape. 

That sadness. A feeling that doesn’t quite escape a person, not to the extent she felt.

That they both felt.

Still feels, clearly.

For her, at least.

Maybe.

“Y—yes. Ummm—”

“Solana.”

Another voice introduced to the conversation. Male. Gruff. Infuriating. Roman cuts his eyes to the out of shape man who looks like a recovering alcoholic and someone who doesn’t need to be talking or even around her.

“Cody’s waiting.”

Cody?

But, Roman doesn’t have time to think too much about that ugly ass name. His focus is back on Solana, Solana who has suddenly shifted from slightly timid to downright terrified. She’s grasping at the material of her apron. “But, I—I thought he said I could work all day tod—”

“Plans changed.” A rude, coarse interruption that has Roman’s jaw ticking. Just who the fuck is this man and why does he think he can talk to Solana like that?

“Don’t you see we’re in the middle of a fucking conversation?” A much too late entrance into whatever this is, but an arrival nonetheless. “Leave.” 

For some reason, it seems the man only now decided to pay attention to just who she was speaking to, a recognition that has his eyes widened as he turns back to Solana, poorly whispering, “do you know who the fuck this is?”

“Kevin, please. I’ll—I’ll be out in a minute.” It ticks him the fuck off that she’s practically begging this motherfucker, a man who Roman doesn’t even know but would love to put a bullet in.

Just might after today.

Kevin scoffs and shakes his head. “Your mistake.”

He says nothing else, turning to walk away, Roman standing to possibly commit murder when Solana moves her hand in front of him, as if trying to stop him.

“It’s—it’s fine. My—my fiancé is here.”

Roman looks down at her, still completely unnerved by her complete shift in demeanor. Her fear is practically palpable.

“Solana….” He sees her eyes shut as her name leaves his mouth. “What’s going o—”

“It—it was good to see you, Roman,” she cuts him off, forcing a smile that doesn’t meet her eyes. “But, I—I have to go.” And it’s as she turns to walk away, he makes the mistake of grabbing her wrist. Instant regret fills him when she jumps but something else as well.

Suspicion. 

Solana has always been jumpy. He’s known that from the day they met at that god-awful place so many years ago. But something about the fear that courses through her, is stamped on her voice, feels….different.

He drops his hand, stating in a low voice. “Give me your phone.”

Her eyes widen. “Roman—”

“Please.” A word no one on this goddamn earth could torture out of him, but something that so easily rolls off his tongue for her.

Obviously confused, her expression remains torn even as she reaches in the pocket of her apron, pulling out and unlocking her phone. He takes it from her, ignoring that strange feeling when their hands touch.

Moving fast and thinking quick, he programs his number, choosing an unsuspecting name, one he knows she and only she will recognize. 

Handing it back to her, he instructs, “you need anything, you call me.” It’s not preferred. What he’d prefer is to walk outside and snap that Kevin and this Cody person, if he’s outside too, necks. Would prefer to tell her to just stay with him. But, it’s too much. Much too much given how long it’s been.

And yet, they seem so easily falling back into routine. 

She’s still visibly nervous, holding her phone in her hand instead of placing it back in the apron. Another pained smile followed up with, “goodbye, Roman.”

He doesn’t say it back, almost refuses to. Just watches as she moves to the back of the shop, coming out a few minutes later, apron discarded, purse on her shoulder, nearly rushing out without sparing him a glance even if his gaze never leaves her.

Solana is only able to barely slide into the back of the SUV, the door held open by an irritated Kevin when she’s yanked by her hair.

Piercing blue eyes stare down at her, his other hand wrapped around her neck, squeezing tightly but not enough to completely restrict speech.

“Where the fuck were you?!”

His voice is harsh and angry, as is the look in his eyes. She opens her mouth to try to respond when he instead smashes her head into the window. She winces but refuses to cry out in pain even when his fist collides with her jaw. Her eyes clench shut, Solana already tasting the blood forming in her mouth.

“When I tell you to come, you fucking come, you understand me?!” He shouts, once again grabbing a fistful of her hair. 

Nodding helplessly, she forces out an answer, ignoring the blood leaking out the corner of her mouth. “Y—yes, sir.”

He scoffs, a cruel, wicked smile on his face as he takes pride in his work. In her terror. “Pathetic,” he hisses, shoving her away. Solana moves as far into the corner as she can, forever grateful when he pulls out his phone and initiates a phone call like nothing happened.

It’s stupid and risky and something she most definitely shouldn't be doing, but Solana can’t stop herself from also pulling out her phone and scrolling through her contacts, moving to the R’s only to find nothing there.

There’s an emptiness that accompanies that realization that makes no sense. A sadness that fills her at the thought that he didn’t, but…..the look on his face, so handsome and strong, the fact that he even asked….he had to.

So, she continues to scroll, carefully assessing for each stored contact, stopping when she sees it. Emotion fills her for a completely different reason, reading the single word that carries such weight and meaning.

Journey

[genderqueerdykes]

hi um. i’d like to ask you for some advice, since it seems like a lot of people come to you when they need it. i’m a trans girl who’s been taking estrogen for 2.5 years but. i’m just so disappointed and unhappy with what hrt has done for me. i feel like i’ve been completely taken over by doomerism from me constantly comparing myself to other transfems both online and irl, and from spending too much time on trans reddit (i’m sending you this ask instead of writing another vent post on r/mtf). through this i’ve convinced myself that i will never be happy with my body, or that i’ll never have real boobs or a feminine body at all. i really really don’t want to give up hope, but it just seems so far out of reach, and i’m stuck down here in this inky abyss. what do you do in dark times when you need to regain hope, but you can’t do it yourself?

first of all, i wanted to say i'm sorry that you're feeling this way. medical transition is a very finicky thing. there is no way to predict what will happen and when, so it's okay to feel just. completely bummed the hell out when you're not seeing the changes you hoped for yet. i definitely see how it can be crushing, especially when you know your body needs to look a different way for you to be happy. it's important to consider people look a lot different irl than they do in photos and videos. camera lenses can only capture so much. pictures and videos can be edited. it's hard to compare yourself to something like that

& i did want to say that you're definitely not alone! there are a lot of girls in your exact situation. with everyone responding to HRT differently, you'll see girls who get changes right away, and girls where it takes a long time. changes with HRT generally happen very slowly, way slower than the eye can perceive, so it's okay if you feel like nothing is happening. your body just may need more time to adjust

have you ever increased your dose? if not, that is totally an option! you may also want to look into progesterone if you find that you're not happy with your breast growth after some time. it's best to look into progesterone first to make sure it's right for you, as it will affect more than just breast growth, but i wanted to throw it out there as an option! if you're not on an androgen blocker, this could also potentially help you

for both estrogen and testosterone HRT, it can take a minimum of 5 years for people to begin seeing the effects they were desiring. 5 years, minimum! that's a very long time, comparatively, you are very early on in your journey. the effects you want to see may just come along further on down the road. i know it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. it's good to remind yourself that they are not you, they do not share your genetics. they look like them. you look like you. it's okay that you don't look like those people- they're not you.

it doesn't make you any less of a woman just because you haven't seen these changes yet. there are plenty of women who look just like you, cis, intersex, trans, genderqueer, and otherwise. there are many cis and intersex women who don't "pass", and it doesn't make them any less of a woman: the same applies to you, and every trans girl. dysphoria can be a real pain in the ass and make things harder than it needs to be. it's okay to not be content with where you're at now. it's okay to be frustrated that you're not seeing the changes you want to right now. many, many trans people feel just the same way you do.

you may feel awkward and uncomfortable right now because you're literally in a transitional phase. think about when teenagers go through puberty, about how awkward they look and feel. cracking voices, bodies that are "in the middle" and not fully developed. that's what you're going through at the moment, and its okay. it just takes time for things to fully settle in.

what i would suggest is trying to find ways to do some self care that affirm your gender that don't involve your appearance. validating yourself in other ways is extremely important. building yourself up takes time. if you feel insecure about how you look, it's okay. you can start building your confidence in your identity and gender in other areas of yourself, first, then move on to your appearance. try to spend time with people who respect you for who you are, no matter how you look. try to surround yourself with people and things that affirm you

i hope you start seeing those changes you want to see soon. if you need more advice, feel free to ask! if any other trans girls on E have any advice for the asker, or relate to the experience, please feel free to chip in with some feedback on this ask, or by sending an ask! due to being intersex, i was taking estrogen and progesterone despite not wanting to, so i was not cataloguing what was changing or anything like that, so i can't speak from personal experience there despite having been on E HRT in the past.

take care of yourself for now. try to go easy on yourself, you're still in your coocoon. the day where you emerge as a butterfly is on its way, it just takes a little time. please feel free to come back any time. i hope we can get some good insight for you