#I’m really glad I have the friends I have now

[lnfours]

close to you | l.n

summary: chemical override, ultraviolet, you could be mine tonight ; or having a crush is mind boggling, soul crushing and confusing, but also so exciting at the same time.

warnings: inspired by close to you by gracie abrams, friends to lovers (bc it’s my brand), pining, all the feels, reader is childhood best friends with pietra, fluff, and some language here and there

jordans notes: hi everyone! long time no see (😅) i’m slowly getting back into writing, school has been kicking my ass. i don’t think this is my best work, but i really wanted to get something out for you guys since ive been gone so long! i promise there’s more to come than just this! i hope you all are well!! sending you all my love 🤍

masterlist | listen to the playlist

before you met him, you didn’t think about the color green too often. it was one of those colors you didn’t necessarily love or hate, it was just kind of… there.

to you, it was just one of those colors where shades of it were prettier than the actual color itself. or a color you only really liked during the fall. like how, typically, people only liked the color blue during the summer.

that was until you met him.

the boy with those big, beautiful, slightly blue but slightly green, water-colored eyes. now you love the color green. obsessed over it. thought about it every second of every day. it was crazy how a simple opinion could change in a matter of seconds, all because of those stupidly pretty eyes.

You lie awake on your back, staring at the ceiling. surely it wasn’t normal to obsess over someone this much, right? especially over someone you weren’t even sure would ever feel the same.

sure, you had crushes before, and had your fair share of falling quickly and all at once. it wasn’t an unusual feeling to you, no stranger to catching feelings rather quickly.

but this time around, everything was different. everything felt more intense, more mind-boggling and confusing and pulse rising. the feeling so foreign that sometimes you wish you had never met him so you wouldn’t have fallen so hard so sudden, but deep down you were so glad that you had.

it was the little things that made you wonder what it was like to be loved by him. the subtle glances in your direction, the gentle but lingering touches. you had thought you were going crazy, reading too much into things in the beginning. over-analyzing every little thing that made your body light up with excitement.

until pietra confirmed your suspicions.

“he’s totally into you,” she said, leaning closer to your ear as you watched him from across the room, his head tilted back, nose scrunched and eyes half shut as he laughed about something max had said, which was likely something stupid, “like, one hundred percent, down bad, into you.”

you tilted your head at the blonde, “you think so?”

she scoffed, “more like know so,”

“who told you?”

“no one has to tell me anything,” she said, “i can just tell.”

you rolled your eyes at her, “p, i’ve told you a million times, he’s not into me.”

but she was right. he was one hundred percent, undoubtedly, down. fucking. bad.

ever since the moment he met you at that stupid pub with max and his group of friends, all he wanted to do was get to know you. he didn’t want it to seem obvious when he asked max about you, but he knew no matter what he did it was going to seem obvious. just from the way he looked at you like you hung the stars in the night sky, he was no where near subtle.

he hated to admit it, but he had even done some lowkey instagram stalking through one of his private accounts. he had seen all the pictures of you and pietra, a life long friendship explained to him in front of his own eyes.

and every time his fingers would swipe through your account, all he could think about was how beautiful you were. how your eyes sparkled every time you smiled for the camera, how happy you looked when you genuinely laughed, and how he wished to be the reason behind the gorgeous sound forever.

he wasn’t trying to make it obvious tonight, not wanting to make it well known that he had his eyes on you for a while. but he had lost track at the amount of times you had caught him looking at you, and he swore he had even caught you looking at him first a handful of times.

so when everyone in the house decided that it was the end of the night and started filing through the door, he took it upon himself to make his way over to you. you were talking with pietra, a smile on your face as you giggled about something she had said. the brazilian woman’s eyes landed on him, to which she looked back at you and said something before you turned to look in his direction.

he smiled when your eyes met his, “hey, did you need a ride home?”

your heart threatened to leap out of your chest, “uhm, i was just gonna call an uber, you don’t have to-“

“no, no,” he said, shaking his head, “i insist, really. it’s not a big deal.”

how could you argue with him? those pretty green eyes, that smile, the face. you simply couldn’t. it was impossible. you couldn’t see the look pietra was giving you, but knowing her, you knew it was a look that said ‘go with him’.

and do you did, the cool, crisp autumn air in london suddenly making you wish you had brought a jacket. you had wished you planned for the nightly breeze, wishing you had opted for a long-sleeved shirt for the night instead of the spaghetti strap tank top you had chosen.

as you walked to the car that was parked down the street, he noticed you shivering. he saw the way you hugged yourself, your hair moving with the breeze. his curls danced in the wind and he knew if he was slightly cold, you were definitely freezing.

he tugged off the hoodie before passing it to you, the sound of the doors to the mclaren echoing before he turned to you.

“here,” he said, “it’s a little windy out, i know you’re probably freezing.”

your stomach did backflips as you took the soft black material from his hands, “oh, are you sure? aren’t you cold?”

he sent you a shrug, “i’ll live,”

there was no use arguing with him, so instead you sent him another smile in appreciation before tugging the sweatshirt over your head. it was already warm from hugging his body, and you couldn't help the way the smell of his cologne lingered in the soft material. you had to keep yourself from burying yourself in it, the feeling of being close to him without actually being close to him sending butterflies to your stomach.

the car ride was filled with comfortable silence, music softly playing in the background. he stole occasional looks over at your figure as you looked out the window, the neck of his hoodie pulled up to your face as you watched the street lights pass by. you looked beautiful in the dim light, he couldn’t help himself.

he thought about taking the long way to your house. a simple but effective way to be able to spend more time with you. however, the thought of you being confused and questioning his actions was enough for him to stay straight at the stop light instead of taking a right for the longer way.

he tried not to look disappointed when he reached your house, parking in front of it. he wondered if your roommates were home, if you’d tell them about the fact that he drove you home.

he turned the engine off, unclicking his seatbelt, “i’ll walk you up.”

you nodded, the both of you getting out of the car and walking through the dewy grass up to the wooden door. you fished for your keys in your purse, putting them into the lock before turning to look at him, “thanks for the ride,”

“anytime,” he smiled. he meant it. and you knew he meant it. he’d come get you at anytime of the day, wether it was early in the morning or late at night, he was always going to show up.

you stood there, eyes searching his face. he was so pretty to you, the brown curls that were slowly growing into a mullet to the sparkling eyes that you loved so much. the dimples in his cheeks that appeared whenever he smiled, the slight facial hair he had managed to grow, but your favorite part was the moles and freckles that covered his skin. the ones he had once complained about, but you loved the way they scattered his skin.

you dreamt of kissing each and every single one of them.

“hey, lando! long time no see!”

you both averted your attention, neither of you hearing the door open behind you. in the doorway stood your dark haired roommate, faith.

“hey,” he smiled softly, trying once again to not look disappointed from the way your moment was interrupted.

“we’re having drinks and watching movies if you wanted to join,” she smiled, ignoring the look you were sending her way.

“oh, uhm,” he started, not sure how to answer, “it’s getting kinda late, i dunno-“

“you can crash in y/n’s room, im sure she wouldn’t mind.”

what was that supposed to mean?

you looked over at him, “you don’t have to stay-“

“he’s been gone for weeks, he’s legally obligated,” she said, reaching from the doorway and grabbing both of your arms, “c’mon, liv is making martinis.”

you sighed heavily and he laughed softly at your protest that went unnoticed by her. your other roommate, olivia, stood in the kitchen.

“look who i found!” faith exclaimed excitedly.

“oh, hey guys! just in time,” she smiled, “it’s martini and movie friday!”

lando leaned over to you as the other two talked, “they do this every friday?”

you sighed again, nodding, “unfortunately,” you turned to your roommates, “we’re gonna head up to my room, actually,”

you led lando to the stairs, ignoring the playful teasing from the girls in the kitchen, “oooh!!”

“up to your room, huh?”

you shook your head, opening your bedroom door and letting him in before closing it, “‘m sorry for them, they’re… how do i put this?”

“a lot?” he asked, a smile playing at his lips.

“yeah, we can put it that way.”

he chuckled, sitting down on the bed as you put your things down. he looked around your bedroom, not much had changed since the last time he had been in it. the fairy lights dimly lit up the room, photos littered the walls. the desk that sat in the corner of the room kept your makeup bag and brushes, a mirror sitting in the middle.

he looked at your nightstand, a picture of you, him, max and pietra sitting on the wooden surface. it was a picture from miami, smiles on all of your faces. you stood in the middle, arm wrapped around his middle as you smiled for the camera, his trophy in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around your middle.

“i’m gonna change,” you said, “i might have a pair of your sweatpants somewhere if you wanted to change.”

he nodded, “yeah, that’d be great.”

you turned back to the dresser, opening drawers in search for the pair of sweatpants he leant you one day. the same day he picked you up from the failed date. the one that left you crying outside, swearing up and down that you’d never find love. despite it being in front of you this entire time.

finally finding the black material, you handed them to him, “i meant to give them back, but i just haven’t seen you,”

he shook his head. you could’ve kept them forever and he wouldn’t have minded one bit, “it’s alright,”

you grabbed your pajama bottoms from the foot of the bed, “be right back.”

he changed into the sweatpants while you were gone, still looking around your room. he smiled at the picture of you and your roommates, clearly taken at a party. you wore the prettiest smile he had ever seen, dressed in a black off the shoulder top. it was from the same night he realized he liked you in more than just a friendly way.

the door opening brought him back to reality, his eyes landing on your figure and how you were still wearing the black hoodie he had given you earlier. it brought a small smile to his face.

you noticed his eyes on you, looking down at the black hoodie, “i swear i’ll give it back once i wash it.”

he laughed softly, shaking his head, “it’s okay. it looks better on you anyways.”

you smiled, fighting the heat that was rising your cheeks but it was no use. he joined you on the bed, watching as you flipped through different things on netflix.

“you don’t have to stay, y’know,” you said, looking over at him, “if you have better things to do..”

“i don’t,” he said, turning his head to look your way, “in all honesty, there’s no where else i’d rather be.”

you sucked in a breath, your eyes dancing across his face once again. it was hard for you not to stare, not when he looked so pretty like this. back pressed against your headboard, hair slightly messy, and he looked so cozy. it made you want to wrap yourself around him, lay your head on his chest.

he did the same, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to memorize every single feature, every single imperfection that he thought was still perfect. the same ones you’d argue about, but he still always found adorable.

his voice broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, “do you ever have something to say but can’t find the words to say it?”

your furrowed your eyebrows, “like?”

he licked his lips, his attention now fixed on his hands as he fiddled with the ring on his middle finger. you never thought he’d be the type to get shy, almost embarrassed as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“like, i dunno,” he mumbled, “i just.. i don’t know how to put it, but ever since the moment we met, i’ve found myself just.. thinking about you. thinking about what it’d be like to cross this weird, thin, little line we’ve drawn. if we both just said ‘fuck it’ and dove head first into whatever uncharted territory we’re tiptoeing around.”

his eyes met yours again as he let out a nervous breath. you hadn’t realized you had been holding yours, shock clearly written on your face which made him shake his head.

“never mind, it’s dumb-“

“lando,”

“- i knew i shouldn’t have listened to what max was going on about-“

you rolled your eyes as he kept blabbering away, talking nonsense. your body moving before your brain could comprehend what you were about to do, only catching up when your hands met his jaw and you were suddenly catching yourself a mere few inches from his face.

it was too late now, no going back.

you pulled his face closer to yours, his blabbering coming to a halt when you pressed your lips to his. his brain short circuited, you pulling away before he had the chance to kiss you back.

“‘m sorry,” you immediately apologized, “i don’t know why i did-“

it was his turn to cut you off now, grabbing your chin and pulling you back to his lips. his thumb traced along your jaw, his pointer finger sitting underneath your chin.

you kissed him back after a second of surprise, letting his free hand reach down to grab your hip, pulling you on top of his lap. your hands threaded through his curls, nails scratching his scalp.

when you both finally pulled away, all you could do was smile. giggles and chuckles echoing through the room as you both sat breathless, his nose bumping yours as he tucked a piece of stray hair away from your face.

“so we’re in agreement then, huh?” he asked.

“isn’t that obvious?” you smiled and he shook his head, letting out another boyish laugh.

“how long have you.. y’know, had feelings for me, i guess?”

“since the minute i saw you,” he confessed, “you were the most beautiful girl in the room, a smile that would make everyone stop and stare. it’s always been you, i’ve just been too scared to tell you.”

you smiled again, heart fluttering in your chest. all the dreams and wishes you spent with him on your mind, it was all finally paying off, “it’s always been you for me, too. i thought i had been way too obvious, but clearly i wasn’t obvious enough.”

“we were both too oblivious,” he said, moving more hair from your face, “but it’s okay, we’re here now.”

you were convinced your smile was never going to be wiped off your face, “kiss me again,”

“with pleasure,” he mumbled, lips finding yours once more as you melted into him.

[libraryofolive]

okay but hear me out...

featuring: Takuma Ino x gn!reader

genre: Fluff, crack

word count: 600

synopsis: Making a hear me out cake with your boyfriend is just meaningless fun, right?

Like this? You can find my smaus here and my drabbles and other fiics here!

Do you have a request? You can find my rules for requesting here!

a/n: i fear the demons cooked with this idea that would not leave my head until I wrote it

“Kuma!” You called out to your boyfriend from the kitchen, mischief lacing your tone.

“Yeah babe?” He asked, appearing in the doorway of your shared kitchen. You had spent all day in there, shooing him out every time he popped his head in to try and find out what exactly you were doing. He found you stood at the kitchen table, spreading buttercream icing onto a freshly made chocolate cake. “Is that what you’ve been doing all day? Are we celebrating something?”

“I need you to go and print some stuff out for me.” You smiled at him.

“We have a printer?”

“Yes, we have a printer. Now go use it.”

“What exactly am I printing out?”

There was a beat of silence before you answered him. “Your hear me outs.” He broke out in a massive grin, eyes lighting up with excitement. Your own smile widened at his puppy-like excitement, glad he was on board with your surprise idea.

“Is that a hear me out cake?”

“Nah, it’s my friend’s birthday cake.”

“Oh..” His shoulders sunk, suddenly lethargic.

“I’m kidding, idiot. We’re absolutely doing hear me out cake. Go get printing, and don’t you dare hold back.” Ino was suddenly full of energy again, rushing off to print off the photos he needed.

“Erm, baby?” He wandered back into the kitchen, sheepish.

“Yeah sweetie?” You looked up at him, eyes wide.

“Where is the printer?”

-

It was 20 minutes later, and you had your phone set in front of the fresh cake, filming the two of you stood behind it. You had both done the majority of your hear me outs, and it was your turn to reveal your last one.

“I’d, erm, say this is a relatively tame one, but I saved it til last just for your reaction.” You bit your lip, nervously looking at your boyfriend.

“Okay, now I’m kinda scared. The last one you said was ‘tame’ was a headless mannequin.”

You slowly spun your kebab stick around, revealing the photo attached to it to your camera, purposefully holding it close to block Ino’s view of it.

“Babe, I can’t see-”

“Nanami!” You squeaked, hurriedly stabbing the stick into the cake.

“That’s my boss!” Ino gaped at you, jaw hanging so low it was basically on the floor.

“Hey, you can’t deny that that man is very much attractive. A gentleman too.”

“No, I really can’t deny it…” As your boyfriend trailed off, he slowly spun his last hear me out around, allowing you to see the subject of it.

“Fuck off!” You exclaimed, a gobsmacked laugh tearing it’s way out of your throat.

“My last hear me out is also Nanami…” He said to the camera, before putting it in the cake next to your photo of the same man.

“Did we use the same photo?” You reeled, admiring your cake through your phone screen.

“It is a sexy photo of him.”

“I’m telling you, it’s the rolled up sleeves. It’s the same as the mannequin-” The two of you spent the next minute admiring your boyfriend’s superior, all on a video that eventually made its way onto your TikTok page.

-

A few days passed, and the two of you had pretty much forgotten about the video you had posted. The cake had been devoured by the two of you over those days, and the many photos that had been stuck in it thrown away, as if the entire thing never happened. Until Ino received a text, that is.

Would you care to explain what a ‘hear me out’ is?

[carnations8delight]

Omg, i didnt think you’d answer!  

You saying that you don’t like to be misunderstood, resonated with me SO much, because I am the exact same way!

So I want you to know that I hear you. I understand you. It’s very important for people like us to feel very understood.

Been a directioner since 2011, never been to a concert so Liam’s death is especially devastating.

I believed in larrie as a joke. But then there were some proof that I thought was kind of real?

I don’t really know much about that now, but it’s the same thing as you, I’ve come to the conclusion, that “why is it my business?”

It’s not.

Especially because I saw how a lot of 1D fans went mental over it, crying in their posts literally live posting their meltdown over “larry allowing themselves to be closeted by Simon.” Which by the way doesn’t make sense now in 2024.

Then I saw them trying to hack Louis and his girlfriends, same thing with Harry!

Not to mention the “I hope your baby dies.” Incident.

And I just think to myself, if it has you going crazy like that you should allow yourself to take a step back because this was supposed to be about fun. Fun and music, everything else was just extra.

I know, we basically like to characterize them for convenience, but these are real people with real lives and feelings, And once I realized that, I wasn’t gonna let myself get too caught up.

And I’m so glad that people are talking about parasocialism. Directioners were way to comfortable stalking 1D’s family members, and friends, making fanfics and edits about them.

Buts It’s especially prevalent in kpop, where companies feed into the delusion of stans by sometimes catering to their online hate trains.

Omg im not gonna go on a tangent but, as an international you probably already know because it’s started to reach further parts of the Internet.

Anyway thanks for letting me understand you, people very often misunderstand me, so I’ll try to understand others as much as I can.

Plus peeps rarely talk to me on this site, which isn’t upsetting it’s just a different change of pace from my other social medias that have too much activity, so it’s kinda special. 

Hey unpopular opinion but the 1D boys DO NOT owe you any sort of liam tribute. They don't owe you a song they record together. Not a tribute concert. Not individual songs on upcoming albums. they dont owe you the discussion of their grief on stage. Or if you meet them. Or in interviews. Louis literally discussed how absolutely insufferable it is to recount his grief in interviews time and time again. Its absolutely insane the fact you expect them to talk about major grief while they are AT WORK. Like imagine being at your job or some corporate event and some person you barely know asks you, while you are working, on the clock, how you are dealing with a family members death. the group of unhinged psychologically challenged women creating a "fan project" or printing liams face to take to zayns shows is psychotic and deranged and frankly i think zayn malik should be legally allowed to come down from stage and bash your skulls in. I sure know i want to. I pray zayns team sees the tweets and his security denies those weirdos entry.

[breannasfluff]

“Hello?” Jazz’s greeting is hurried, but Danny lets his eyes fall closed. His core thrums at the sound of her voice. “Who is this?”

“Hey, Prof.”

“Da–uh–uh–you!” Smooth, Jazz. Really smooth. “Don’t call me that.” There’s no bite in the admonishment. “Can you…talk?”

Are you safe? “I’m at a payphone, but no one is around.” Nothing too incriminating over the phone, please.

“How are you doing?”

It’s good to hear her voice. “I’m pretty good. Working, making friends. Looking into…things.”

Jazz growls on the other end of the line, code for I want to bother you about that but I can’t. Danny is fluent in Jazz-speak. 

“Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on. Nothing to worry about. My friends are watching out for me.” It might be stretching Pam’s involvement slightly, but Jazz doesn’t need to worry about things she can’t fix. “I wanted to–talk.” 

I miss you. He’s too nervous to say it over the phone, just in case. What if the phone call is tracked? What if the GIW are moving toward him already? He didn’t have as much time to fly as he did last time he called, but he’s still in a different direction from Gotham. Even if they head this way, they still won’t find him.

“I’m glad you called,” Jazz says, voice going soft. I miss you, too. “Things are okay here. Summer is going to be over soon. Do you know what you’re going to do then?”

“Not yet. I’ll probably give it a few more weeks, see how work is going.” If the GIW finally back down, Danny will be fine to go home. Just as long as the arrival of one Danny Fenton doesn’t coincide with ghost attacks again. Sure, his enemies don’t attack nearly as often now, or are in the tenuous frenemies category, but Fenton luck is terrible. 

The conversation continues; inane things like what Jazz has been doing for the summer and small, heavily edited stories from Danny. I got a plant, I made new friends, I’ve taken up biking. A nugget of truth in each of them, but not the whole story. The secrecy chafes at him. 

Danny might be nearly 17, but he’s still a teenager. He shouldn’t have to be juggling secret identities, covert phone calls, and government organizations. He certainly shouldn’t be trying to subtly take down villains of a town he doesn’t even belong to. 

Read the rest here

[actuallysaiyan]

Learning To Love(Sugar Daddy!Toshinori Yagi/All Might x Sugar Baby!Fem!Reader)

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, love hotel, sugar daddy and sugar baby relationship, love confessions, water jet masturbation, oral sex(male receiving) word count: 3.3k!!!! pairings: Sugar Daddy!Toshinori Yagi/All Might x Sugar Baby!Fem!Reader summary: you've been seeing each other for a while now and while it's supposed to be casual, it becomes everything far from casual

a/n: special thanks to @mightytato. for helping to keep me motivated and inspired!!!!!!!

dividers: @adornedwithlight.

taglist: @thissaintjessi.  @cherryblossombankai, @thestarsystemsworld

It wasn’t what he wanted. It was actually really far from what he was wanting. A love hotel wasn’t the place to bring someone special to, but damn…was he getting ahead of himself again? This is just another one of your quick dates. That’s all it is, nothing more. He has to keep reminding himself that this isn’t anything official.

You two started seeing each other about nine months ago. You met through some acquaintances that figured you’d be a good match. Toshinori was looking for someone to keep him company, and you were looking for someone to take care of you financially. And when you two finally were introduced, it was instantaneous how you two clicked.

Looking back on it, Toshinori realizes how quickly he fell for you. He knows this isn’t that kind of relationship, but he can’t help but fantasize about how good it would be to be yours for good. How proud he would be to be your lover and to be the one you call yours. He dreams about it more often than he’d like to admit.

“Toshi!” He hears your beautiful voice call out. “Hey!”

When he turns to look at you, his breath hitches in his throat. You’re wearing such a cute outfit today; then again, you always wear such a cute outfit when you’re with him. His heart flutters in his chest when you jump up and wrap your arms around him.

“Missed you so much, daddy.” You coo softly before you give him a kiss.

“Missed you too, sweetness. I’m glad you’re here.”

This is when he begins to blush. He almost forgot about his plans. A friend had mentioned this place to him and talked up about how fun it was to stay with someone intimate. The way they described the intimacy had been quite enticing to him.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, tenderly caressing his cheek.

He nearly coughs up blood when you ask this. “Well…uhm…”

His bangs fall down in front of his eyes and he’s trying to think of the right words to use. All he thinks to do is to pull the keycard out of his pocket and show it to you. You look at the cute design on the card and then you look at the big hotel across the street.

“I can’t imagine that’s for this hotel,” you say as you point at it.

Toshi shakes his head, “N-no…”

You look at the keycard once more and then a blush creeps up on your cheeks. Your stomach does a little flip when you start putting the pieces together. It wouldn’t be the first time Toshinori brings you to a hotel, but you two have never stayed in a love hotel.

“Someone recommended it to me,” he begins to explain. “They said it was a fun experience! This one has a maid cafe in it and there’s a hot tub with jets in the room and I think there’s even a pole for…”

You giggle softly, “what are we waiting for? Sounds like a fun night!”

You grab his hand and pull him along down the street. Toshi’s heart races at the excitement. Wouldn’t you prefer something more classy? Then again, you’ve always been happy with the bare minimum. He loves to spoil you, there’s no doubt about it. But you’ve always been so happy with anything he buys or gives you.

Come to think about it, you seem the happiest when he takes time to spend with you…

He’s pulled from his thoughts when you two stop in front of this neon-lit hotel. It looks so cute, but really you two know what’s waiting for you inside. He opens the door for you and then you both walk in. There’s nobody at the front desk, but there are a few touchscreens that showcase the rooms available.

“I’ve already booked our room for all night,” Toshi whispers in your ear.

His hand envelopes yours as he guides you towards the elevators. There’s a cute song playing as you two ride up to the top floor. You’re feeling giddy with delight as you get closer and closer. Then the elevator stops and you two step out into a dimly lit hallway.

The carpets are meticulously cleaned from the looks of it, despite the nature of the business. There’s fancy look art hung up on the walls. And then you stop in front of a mahogany door, and Toshi slides the keycard through the machine. He opens up the door and you get to take a look inside.

You’re wowed by the sheer size of the place. It’s a lot bigger than you were anticipating. It’s a plush carpet at your feet, in a sort of rose color. Then your eyes trail off to see the large, king-sized bed with the red satin sheets and heart-shaped throw pillows in the middle. Toshi nudges you gently and points at the pole on the raised platform part of the room.

“That’s the uh…”

You giggle, “Oh you want me to put on a show for you then?”

Once again, he’s hiding his face behind his bangs. How you could so easily rile him up and fluster him…

Then he takes your hand and guides you to the big bathroom. It’s dimly lit in here too, with a few ambient lights along the wall. The big hot tub sits in the corner of the room, looking ever so inviting. It’s so large and looks like it could fit way more than just two people.

“Looks like fun,” he comments as he comes behind you. Then his big hands begin to massage your shoulders. You begin to lean back against him.

“Mhm, I was just thinking that. I bet you could use a nice bath after the hard work week you’ve had.”

It was true, he had worked very hard this week. He missed you a lot more than usual, considering he hadn’t had the chance to visit you throughout the week. Toshinori had every intention of worshiping you and spending as much time as he could to pleasure you.

He leans in to press little kisses to your neck, relishing in the sweet floral scent of your perfume. You always smelled so delectable. Everything about you made his knees weak and his mouth water. Then you turn around and you pull him in for a very long kiss.

“I should be spoiling you,” you say with a soft bat of your long eyelashes. “You deserve it for being so good to me.”

He gasps when you get on your knees in front of him. Your hands are on his belt before he can protest. You’re so damn sweet to him, it makes him twitch in his pants. His eyes are full of lust as he watches you undress him from the waist down.

“I wanted to spoil you, baby girl.” He grunts as you pull his pants down. “It’s not fair…”

You giggle as you begin palming him through his boxers, “Don’t worry, daddy. You’ll get your chance later.”

He closes his eyes as you pull down his boxers. His cock bobs as it’s pulled from the cotton confines of his underwear. You notice how he’s already leaking lots of precum.

“Poor daddy, so pent up.” You say in such a saccharine tone. It makes his heart melt and his cock twitch.

Before he can say anything, you’re wrapping your plump lips around the tip of his cock. Toshi gasps at the wet heat enveloping him, and his hand comes down to tangle his fingers in your hair. He doesn’t push you, instead he’s more than content to have you set the pace. Slowly, you sink down further until you begin to choke.

“Easy, baby girl. Take your time,” he caresses your cheek, which makes your heart race.

You shouldn’t be having these feelings for him. You’ve been grateful not to see him all week because of one reason. You realized you were growing too comfortable with him. He plagues your thoughts whenever he’s not around. You’ve even begun to dream about him, which has never happened with any of your other sugar daddies.

Toshinori was becoming the real thing before you could put a stop to it.

The more you take him into your mouth, the more you grow aroused. When you look up at him and see just how turned on he is, you know you’re almost done for. You couldn’t keep holding all these feelings back. You eagerly take him all the way into your mouth, relaxing your throat and breathing out your nose.

“F-fuck sweetheart,” Toshinori groans. “H-how am I supposed to last like this?”

You pull off of him with a pop, stroking him gently before you get back to your feet. What really turns you on is when Toshinori kisses you deeply despite the fact that you just had his cock in your mouth. His tongue dances with yours as he begins to undress you.

Slowly, the two of you make it to the hot tub. He turns on the water before turning his attention back to you. He begins to kiss you once more, but then as he takes off more of your clothing, the lower his kisses go.

Toshinori moans softly against your skin when your fingernails rake against his scalp. He bends down to take off your bottom and your shoes. Then he slowly peels off your underwear. The look he gives you when he’s got you fully nude is nothing short of incredibly lewd.

“You are my angel,” he mumbles before leaning in to capture one of your nipples in his mouth. “Such a pretty angel for daddy.”

Your pussy clenches around nothing when he says these filthy words. Not that Toshinori never says anything dirty, but it always sounds so damn good when it comes from his lips. Then he reaches behind you to turn on the jets. The tub is nearly full and you’re really excited to see what you’ll get up to.

“Ready for a soak, honey?” He asks, kissing your lips once more.

You nod your head, “Yeah.”

He turns off the water, then helps you into the warm and relaxing water. The jets feel so good on your muscles. Toshinori lets out a happy and relaxed sigh when he feels the jets on his worn out body. He’s beginning to think about getting one of these installed in his home.

Then his mind begins to wander to thoughts of you being there with him. Bath nights with you would be so heavenly. He would have a hard time not asking you to accompany him in the bath every night if you lived with him…

“Lost in thought, handsome?” you ask as you come closer to begin rubbing his chest.

He’s pulled from his thoughts by the sound of your voice and your sweet touch. “Oh, yeah sorry about that.”

He then leans in close, cupping your cheeks. His forehead leans against yours in a way that makes your whole body heat up. You let your eyes close as his thumbs stroke your cheeks so sweetly.

“I should be here in the moment with you,” he whispers before he captures your lips in a passionate kiss.

You wrap your arms around him, kissing him back with equal passion. It takes little time for him to pull you onto his lap. You squeal softly, making him chuckle at your cute reaction. Then he’s back to kissing you, pushing his tongue into your mouth and tangling with yours.

His cock begins to press up against your ass, and you reach down between you both and you guide him to your hole. He looks at you curiously, wondering if you’re really going for it without the proper prep.

“No,” he whispers. “Allow me.”

Then he turns you around in his lap, pushing your back to his chest. In this position, one of the jets is beginning to hit your clit. You gasp at the sudden stimulation. Toshinori smirks before he spreads you open to get that perfect stream against your clit.

“Pretty girl,” he mumbles against your skin before nipping at your neck. “You almost foiled my plans. Don’t be a bad girl for daddy.”

You can barely respond. With the rushing stream of water against your clit, you feel like you’re going to cum so fast. Lucky for you, that’s exactly what Toshinori has in mind for you. You tremble and shake with every second it hits you right where you need it to.

“D-daddy, I’m…”

Before you have a chance to finish your sentence, Toshinori prods your little hole with his cock. You close your eyes and cry out as the growing pleasure becomes almost too much. He slowly helps you sink down on his cock and the moment the tip hits your sweet spot, you begin to cum.

His grip on you tightens and he’s having to control his breathing not to spill inside of you immediately. The way your little walls contract around him and the soft cries of your voice are enough to send him right to heaven. Toshinori bites down on your shoulder to keep himself calm.

“S’okay,” you moan. “S’okay if you cum quickly.”

He doesn’t want this to end so soon, but he’s happy that you’re not mad for the sudden need to blow his load. It’s been a long week and you just feel so good. He begins pumping up into your tight, wet heat. You take him so good, fitting so snugly around his big dick. Toshinori shudders when he feels his balls drawing up.

“C-can’t hold back,”

With a loud grunt, he’s painting your insides white. His hands are tight on your body to keep you pushed down on his cock, prolonging the pleasure for him. Then he slowly begins to pull you off, setting you down next to him in the warm water. Toshinori closes his eyes as he catches his breath.

Then comes your soft and sweet touch again. You brush some hair out of his face, then you kiss his cheek. You’re in your own daze, wondering how you could ever have a better orgasm than that. And the way he so easily guided you through it and wanted it for you, it made you wonder just how long you can keep pushing these feelings down.

“Wanna check out the bed?” You ask softly, nipping at his neck.

He wraps his arm around you, “Of course. Anything for you.”

With ease, he picks you up from the bath and helps you onto the mat. Lovingly, he dries you off with one of the fluffy towels. You are beginning to wonder what his true intentions were for this little hotel trip. Then he helps you into the silky robe the hotel provided for you.

What surprises him is when you do the same for him. You even begin to apply some lotion onto his skin. Toshi blushes and tries to look away, but you won’t let him. If you were going to fall head over heels for him, then he was going to do exactly that for you. You weren’t going down alone.

He leads you back into the bedroom and gently guides you onto the bed. You let out a giggle when he gets on the bed too and crawls over to you. His lips are so soft on your body as he begins to kiss your neck, then down your chest.

“You’re obsessed with my chest,” you tease him.

He smirks up at you, “Like you’re not obsessed with mine.”

This causes you to blush. It was true, whether he was in his buff form or like this, you often took your time to press kisses and kitten licks on his chest. You even spent time kissing his scar. That had taken him a long time to show it to you, and even longer to tell you the story attached to it. Your heart clenches when you think about how much trust that must have taken for him.

“You got me there,” you whisper sweetly. “I can’t help that I really love looking at you.”

There you go, saying that damn word. Even if you didn’t say ‘I love you’, just hearing you say the word love has Toshinori’s insides in knots. He doesn’t want to hear you say that damn word, but in reality, he’d die happy if you said you loved him. He can’t hold it back now.

When he looks at you again, your eyes lock. You can see a whirlwind of emotions in those troubled eyes. Then he pulls you on top of him as he lays on his back. His hands are calloused but they feel so good on your smooth skin.

“Ride me,” he says sheepishly.

A shudder runs through you as you eagerly get into position. You begin to stroke his hardening cock. Toshinori moans and gasps as you work him so well. Then you guide him to your still dripping hole. With his cum already lubing you up, it’s not so much of a stretch this time.

His arms come up to begin holding you so close. He pulls you into his chest as you rock your hips. Something about this is much more intimate than anything you’ve ever done. You can’t help but feel a flurry of butterflies in your tummy.

“Don’t want to let you go,” he chokes out. “My heart can’t take it.”

You gasp when you hear his soft words. It’s all too much. You’re crumbling as well as you continue to rock your hips. His touch is so soft on your body and the way he pulls you in for another kiss has you clenching around him.

“I promise myself I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t fall for you,” you admit. You want to look away, but he won’t let you.

“I promise myself the same thing,” he says.

There’s a look of pure pleasure on his face as you pick up your pace. He grips onto your hips, guiding you to ride him at the pace you want. He’s loving every single minute of this. Then his hands slide up your body to your breasts where he kneads them.

“You make me feel so good, you make me want to live.”

You swallow hard when he says this. “You bring happiness to my life,”

He’s having a hard time holding back once more. It’s just becoming too much. He lets one of his hands down to rub your clit, pushing you over the edge with a few more thrusts. As your walls clamp down around him, he’s grunting your name.

“I–I LOVE YOU!” He cries out as he cums hard.

Your heart skips a beat as you try to come to terms with what he’s just said. You think back on all the time you’ve spent together and it should have been even more obvious. Now, you know it’s the truth and you know you need to tell him how you feel.

As he gets his breathing under control, he’s regretting saying that right as he reached his peak. His cheeks are burning and he’s trying to get you off of him.

But then you kiss him so lovingly. Both of your hands come up to cup his cheeks. You stay on him, holding him so close to you. You know you have to confess on your part too.

“I love you too,” you whisper against his lips.

Toshinori flips you both over, with him on top of you. It’s a rush of kisses and soft words from his lips. You can’t stop smiling as you begin to run your fingers through his hair. He rubs his nose against yours before kissing you once more.

“Guess we’ll have to use the pole next time, huh?” he jokes softly as he lays down next to you.

You roll over to rest your head on his chest, “It’s too bad. I was going to put on such a good show for you.”

He squeezes you tight, kissing you so sweetly. Toshinori lulls you to sleep with soft words of love. He knows he’s never letting you go now that you’re his for real. And you have no intention of letting him go either.

reblogs and comments always appreciated!

©actuallysaiyan 2024– do not repost on other platforms, copy, translate or edit my works!

[barnesandbarton]

Clint nodded in agreement and started cleaning the table again. “I mean, I got a shitty dad and no money, but I guess I would have picked not shitty parents if I could only have one,” he said. “Bucky’s family sounded really nice.  He talks of them well.  I’m glad he got that.”

He chuckled softly.  “Three people with tragic backstories, huh?” he said.  “I wonder if there’s anyone that gets into this line of work that just grew up stable?”

He nodded again. “I get it though.  I mean about being unsure. There are those unhealthy attachment things right?  I was always the opposite.  Like I just needed someone so bad that I’d jump from person to person absolutely smothering them.  I told you I was married right?  I married her after knowing her for a week.  Like I was so sure she was the love of my life.  We made it work for as long as we could, and we’re still friends, but man, I just needed a family.  I think meeting Bucky helped me to slow down, because he needed to go slow.  I think he was more like you.  Cause of the Winter Soldier.  He was touched started but like even more than that - ‘cause not only had he not been touched much over the sixty years HYDRA had him, when he was, it was to torture him.  So when he was touched nicely now, it was almost too much for him.  And then he felt unworthy of affection. And he had to figure out his sexuality.  It made me have to put on the breaks and slow down. You know?  So we could meet in the middle.”

“Yeah, maybe my parents wasn’t the best, but we acted more like a family here than we ever did. It was the few times a year we wherent yelling at each other all the time,” she spoke and smiled a bit and wiped off the last of the sand and sighs softly before she squealed feeling the sand and water hit them and see it hit the clean the table.

Ava laughed and shook her head. “Looks like he’s enjoying himself,” she spoke and smiled sweetly as she got the pillows out for the day bed. “That table never really stays clean anyways,” she spoke and chuckles shaking her head.

“Honestly?” She spoke and looked over at him. “I would rather have less money than parents who fight all the time,” she spoke and nodded a bit. “Like yeah, money is great and all that, but it still dosent buy happiness. Atleast not permanently,” she spoke and shrugged. Once the pillows was in place she got the plates and put it on the table, atleast half clean.

“That’s one of the reasons why I’m so… hesitant,” she spoke and nodded a bit. “I’m used to being thrown money at to shush and to let my parents keep fighting. That’s not how I want to live. That’s why I resented relationships. Everytime I saw one I would simply roll my eyes and say I would never get in one, but.. I just hadn’t met the right people,” she spoke and looked at him again and blushes smiling a bit.

[mechaknight-98]

Pizza Date FT Momo Hirai

Operator’s notes: I saw an ask from @octoberautumnbox that melted my heart so I did my take on it. So here’s a little something belated for the birthday girl

You arrive at the pizza parlor a little early, wrapped in the scents of melting cheese, sizzling meats, and roasted vegetables that swirl around the cozy dining room. It feels like stepping into an old friend’s embrace, each aroma adding to the warmth that fills the space. The soft golden glow from the hanging lights casts a gentle radiance, settling like sunlight through autumn leaves. This is your favorite pizza place in the city, a safe haven of comfort and familiarity where everyone knows your name.

“Oh hey, Vic, it’s been a while,” the hostess greets you with a warm smile, her eyes crinkling with recognition.

“Work has been a killer, but I finally got a break, so here I am,” you reply, smiling back. You’ve known her for years now, shared countless chats over the counter, and it’s no surprise when she raises an eyebrow at your request.

“A table for two?” she teases, eyes twinkling. “So, the stag has finally found his doe?”

Your cheeks flush as you nod, feeling a flutter of excitement mixed with embarrassment.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” she says, a kind warmth in her voice as she leads you to a corner booth. The seating is soft, the booth wrapping around you like the gentle underbrush of a forest trail. You settle in, the anticipation building as you wait.

It isn’t long before you spot her. Momo’s dark hair frames her face in a perfect wolf cut—your favorite style—her gaze darting around the room like a doe in the clearing, cautious and wide-eyed until her eyes finally lock with yours. You raise a hand to wave, and she smiles, her posture relaxing as she starts toward you.

There’s an elegance in her movements, like a gazelle slipping gracefully through the underbrush. She weaves effortlessly around the bustling tables, her steps light, her gaze fixed on you, until finally, she slides into the seat across from you.

“I like this place—it’s cozy,” she says, looking around with a soft smile, taking in the warm ambiance that seems to hold everything in a quiet embrace.

You nod, feeling a spark of pride. “My friend Dio recommended it to me a while back, and it’s been my go-to ever since.”

“Well,” Momo grins, “let’s hope it tastes as good as the atmosphere.”

A waitress arrives, her timing perfect, and as she takes your order, you notice Momo’s face lighting up with each option you discuss, her smile growing wider. The two of you lock eyes again, and there’s an unspoken understanding, a shared warmth that fills the space between you, like two deer finding shelter from the world in a quiet, peaceful grove.

The waitress leaves after taking your order, leaving a gentle silence between you and Momo. She tilts her head, her eyes wide and mischievous. “So, how does it feel to be dating a celebrity?” she asks, a playful grin tugging at her lips.

You chuckle, leaning in with a warm smile. “Well, it’s pretty good so far. Helps that you’re drop-dead gorgeous.”

Momo’s eyes twinkle as she squeezes your hand, linking her fingers with yours. “Smooth,” she replies, her voice softening as she adds, “I’m really glad you asked me out.”

“Me too,” you say, feeling a flutter of warmth in your chest as her hand rests gently in yours.

Moments later, the waitress returns, balancing two steaming pizza pies on her tray. She places them on the table with a wink. “Enjoy, Vic… and Vic’s date.”

Momo chuckles as the waitress walks away, giving you a sly look. “Oh, so I’m just ‘your date’ here?” she teases, an eyebrow raised.

You laugh, leaning back with a smirk. “Well, I may have invested a little in this place on the side. Gotta keep my community staples in the community, you know.”

Momo’s eyes light up as she grins. “Oh, fiscally responsible and community-minded. That’s so sexy,” she teases, making you laugh and shrug. She reaches for a slice of her pizza, lifting it with a small gasp of delight as melted cheese stretches between her slice and the pie, forming long, gooey strands that only break as she pulls the slice free. She stares at it in mock awe before taking a big bite.

Her eyes widen with genuine delight. “Oh, this is fantastic,” she says, the words muffled as she savors the taste, her excitement infectious. The two of you share a smile, and in that moment, surrounded by the warmth of the restaurant, you feel like you could stay here forever, just basking in her laughter and the cozy familiarity of this place you both love.

You mirror her and take a bite out of your own pie and you smile as the familiar taste of ham and red peppers dances on your tongue. Momo watches you intently and as you finish your slice she switches the positions of the pies as the two you continue to eat she smiles and you smile back sharing the tender moment between the slices of life

[infinite--92]

The Little Joy of the Family

Lily and Sophie had hit it off almost instantly. They were the same age, shared similar interests, and now, the same unique experience of living with this condition. It felt refreshing for both of them to find someone their age who truly understood what they were going through. One afternoon, after spending time at Miranda’s house with the other members of Infinite 92, Lily extended an invitation to Sophie.

"Hey, how about you come over to my place this weekend?" Lily suggested with a bright smile. "I'd love for you to meet my younger sister, Hannah. She's 18 and has the same condition as us. I think it would be great for her to meet someone new who understands."

Sophie, eager to deepen her bond with Lily and curious to meet her sister, agreed immediately. "I'd love to! It would be nice to meet another person who’s going through the same thing."

A Visit to Lily's Home

The weekend came quickly, and Sophie found herself at Lily's doorstep, greeted warmly by Lily. "Welcome! Come in, make yourself at home," Lily said, ushering Sophie inside. The home was cozy and welcoming, filled with pictures of family moments and a comforting atmosphere.

"Hannah's just finishing up in the shower," Lily explained as she led Sophie to the living room. "She’ll be out in a minute. I’m really excited for you two to meet. She’s a bit shy, but I think you’ll get along well."

Sophie settled onto the couch, admiring the warmth of the space. It felt lived-in, full of love and memories. She could see glimpses of Claire in the family photos—her round belly in every picture, even in her wedding dress, surrounded by smiles and joy.

After a few moments, the sound of footsteps approached. Sophie looked up as Hannah emerged from the hallway, still drying her hair with a towel. She was dressed casually in a loose, pale blue t-shirt and shorts, but the unmistakable roundness of her belly was clearly visible. It was slightly smaller than Lily’s and Sophie’s, but just as pronounced. She had a soft, youthful face, with wide blue eyes that showed a mixture of curiosity and shyness.

Meeting Hannah

Hannah paused for a moment, seemingly surprised to see Sophie. Then she gave a shy smile. "Hi, you must be Sophie," she said, her voice soft. "Lily’s told me a lot about you."

Sophie stood up and smiled warmly. "Hi, Hannah! It’s so nice to meet you. Your sister has told me a lot about you too. I’m really glad we can meet."

Hannah blushed slightly, her shyness evident, but there was a spark of excitement in her eyes. “I’ve never met anyone else like me before,” she admitted quietly as she joined them on the couch. “I mean, apart from Lily and Mom.”

Lily sat down next to her sister, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I thought it would be nice for you two to get to know each other. Sophie’s going through a lot of the same things you are, and I think you’ll find you have a lot in common.”

Connecting Over Shared Experiences

The three girls spent the afternoon talking, sharing stories about their experiences and the journey they were on. Hannah opened up gradually, her initial shyness fading as she found common ground with Sophie.

“It started for me around 15,” Hannah explained. “Just like Mom said it would. At first, I was so scared. I didn’t know what was happening to my body, and I felt like everyone at school was staring at me.”

Sophie nodded, understanding the feeling all too well. “I went through something similar. I only found out a few months ago, and it was really overwhelming. But meeting people like Lily and the others has helped me a lot.”

Hannah gave a small smile, looking at her sister with gratitude. “Lily’s been my biggest support. I don’t know how I would’ve handled it without her. She helped me see that this isn’t something to be ashamed of.”

Lily grinned and nudged her sister playfully. “And now you’ve got even more people to support you. Sophie’s been a great friend to me, and I know she’ll be a great friend to you too.”

Finding Comfort in Each Other

As the afternoon turned into evening, the girls continued talking, laughing, and bonding over their shared experiences. They spoke about the stares they received from strangers, the uncomfortable questions, and the gradual journey toward accepting their bodies.

Sophie noticed how Hannah began to relax more and even laugh openly as they talked. It was clear she had been holding a lot of her feelings inside, and this was the first time she had the chance to speak openly with someone her age who truly understood.

“I’ve always been so self-conscious about going out,” Hannah admitted. “Even though Mom and Lily have been through it, I felt like I was the only one. Seeing you, Sophie, and knowing there are others like us, it makes me feel... less alone.”

Sophie reached out and took Hannah’s hand gently. “You’re definitely not alone, Hannah. We’re all in this together now. And we have a whole community of amazing women who understand what it’s like. You’re part of that now too.”

Hannah’s eyes welled up slightly, and she gave Sophie a grateful smile. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

A New Friendship Blossoms

The evening wrapped up with Lily ordering takeout, and the three girls shared a meal together, chatting about their favourite shows, hobbies, and their hopes for the future. By the time Sophie left, she felt a deep sense of connection with both Lily and Hannah. It was like finding another piece of the puzzle in this unexpected journey they were all on.

As Sophie hugged Lily and Hannah goodbye at the door, she felt a warmth in her heart. Despite the challenges ahead, she knew she had found true friends in these sisters, and together, they could face whatever came next.

And for Hannah, this meeting marked a turning point. She no longer felt like she was facing this strange condition on her own. With her sister by her side, and now Sophie as a new friend, she felt hopeful for the first time in a long while. The bond between the three girls was the start of a beautiful friendship, one that would grow stronger as they navigated their unique journey together within the loving support of Infinite 92.

[txtistheloml]

[ repost ! ]

a/n. for @matchaxmatcha’s valentines event. happy valentines! ❤️ (its in a letter format idk help)

hi y/n,

i know i’m such a coward for doing this on pen and paper but, i’d chicken out if i did it face to face so i guess this would be the best method. promise me you’ll read till the end?

i know we’ve been friends for so long, 12 years.. this might ruin our friendship but i wanna take the risk. well if you don’t want to, it’s okay, i just want us to still be best friends but i really do like you baby. it’s been so long i’ve lost count of when i started falling for you. your smile and your laughter is so contagious, do you know that? i don’t know if you’ve noticed but, i laugh every time you do. you’re just so perfect in my eyes, so pretty, kind, caring, i could list every word in my vocabulary just to describe you. that’s how perfect you are to me. i’ve been wanting to ask you for so many years now, but every time, if it wasn’t me chickening out, you’d already have one. your ex boyfriends to be specific. i know they didn’t treat you the best, and i know you deserved way better than them. i’ve seen you at your lowest points, crying over those stupid exes of yours, i’m glad you know they weren’t worth it now. you know, when you cried over them? my heart shattered. it hurt so much to see you hurting over them, people who didn’t deserve an angel like you. i wanted so much to beat them up but, you would have killed me. given that you didn’t hate them even though they were such assholes to you. i remember every single time you were happy, such a pretty smile on a pretty face. do you remember when you got into the college you wanted so bad, and on top of that i got in together with you? that day, you quite literally shed tears of happiness. i'll forever remember that moment.

you always say i’m the best photographer you know, taking such pretty pictures for you but i think otherwise. i'm no photographer, but i can picture you and me together.

i really like you y/n, will you be my valentines?

love, beomgyu

p.s. was that line really cringy?

[lucygraysboy]

“thanks, lucy gray.” he doesn’t deserve this kindness, but it means the world to him to know that she believes he can still be a good man. a good brother. “it’ll take time, but i’ll make things right between joe and i. we’ll be brothers again.” smiling softly at lucy gray, he can’t help but admire the way she looks in this light. the little deer on her sweater only adds on to her overall charm. he’s tempted to reach out and twirl one of these shiny ringlets around his fingertip, but refrains. “how’s your headache? are you feelin’ better now?” he asks, suddenly reminded of her terrible hangover. “oh, that’s huge! i’m so happy for her, glad she ran that disgusting man off and is a business woman now.” a girlboss. that’s how his friend, tom, would put it. “do you have any pictures of the stuff she makes? next time i’m home, i’m definitely stoppin’ by her shop.” and buying something for his apartment, of course. “please, i still have the sweater she made for me when i was sixteen.” it’s a little tight around the shoulders now and the sleeves constantly ride up his forearms, but it’s got too much sentimental value and he refuses to throw it away. “which one? wait, are you seriously tellin’ me that one of our babies is a mom now? i refuse to believe that.” but he laughs, there’s nothing but happiness in his eyes as he listens to lucy gray’s sweet voice. “a food fight? maude ivory? that little angel?” he shakes his head in amusement, trying to picture that. “about me? hm, let’s see… oh, i bought a motorcycle last summer.” because the traffic in new york city is just insane. “charlie, my ex-roommate,” does she remember him from those pictures he’d shown her all those years ago? “and his girlfriend are having a baby.” the shower’s in two weeks and he almost asks her if she’d like to go with him, but reminds himself that he has to take things slow. besides, blair will probably be there, too. it might be rude and awkward if he comes with a friend. “what else?” he smiles, blues meeting these pretty fawn eyes that never fail to make his heart melt. “not much, really. i’ve been busy with that TV show. you’d love that set and the costumes and horses…”

“well… you could say that. but the fact you’re sayin’ that means you are bein’ a good older brother now.” lucy gray softly points out, if he’s thinking like this— that means he feels guilty and if he’s guilty, he has a conscience and a heart after all. deciding to say this because she feels bad for him, even though he’s brought it all on himself and hurt each of them. “hmm… lemme think on it.” she replies, smiling gently as she continues to look at the city passing them by before the smile starts to widen brighter, “mama opened her own sewin’ shop. it’s goin’ real great and she’s enjoyin’ it. she makes quilts, shirts and all sorts of things— course she did that before, but now she’s makin’ money at it. one of the horses had a baby. and maude ivory almost got detention for startin’ an almost food fight at her school.” lucy gray chuckles as amusement starts to etch across her face, thinking all of that is pretty new information he probably doesn’t know anything about. “what about you?” she wonders, turning her attention back on him, fawn eyes flickering up on his face.

[lightwithinthedarknessu]

Destined ※ Star Speckled Sunset  

A SoKai Fic written for @twosidesfanzine

I had a deliciously sweet time writing for @twosidesfanzine and was paired with the wonderful @wiavi who created the most beautiful spot art for the story! Leftover sales are still open so head on over here to pick up your very own sokai and rokunami cookbook!

Thank you so much for having me!

Summary: As the first step on their next journey, Sora and Kairi return to the Islands to fulfill a long-held tradition. Along the way they meet a few friends and reaffirm just how sweet it is to cook together side by side. Set post-KH3, featuring familar friends from the Islands, seafaring folklore, reaffirmed oaths, new outfits, and descriptions of delicious sweets.

Full fic under read more and on AO3

Kairi took a deep breath, savoring the soft breeze as she stepped onto the island shore. Their round-trip visit to Master Yen Sid’s was longer than expected, earning a stretch and a yawn from Sora as he exited the Gummi Ship. His dark red hoodie peeked out from underneath his dark grey and black cotton jacket. Paired with his lax and loose cargo pants, Sora looked like he had finally grown into his clothes. Kairi jogged up behind him, dressed from head to toe in a long light pink overcoat. Her pink plaid flare dress swayed as she linked arms with Sora, beaming at the realization they’d made it back, safe and sound.

Sora and Kairi were done for now with fighting Heartless, Nobodies, and denizens of darkness. Their long-held promise of traveling the worlds was a reality. When deciding where they would begin their journey, the islands were an obvious choice. A world filled with greetings and partings. It only seemed fitting that they meet with their friends before going off on a long journey.

Kairi was practically giddy at first. But now, seeing their little island off in the distance, her eyes began to sting. The image of Sora fading away shimmered in her mind’s eye. Her racing heart faltered at the memory as she clung to him a bit tighter.

“It feels just like yesterday, that we were here,” she said, taking another breath to steady herself.

Sora tilted his head, not sure what brought on her sudden change. But a grin soon spread across his face as he put an arm around her waist to pull her closer. “Hmm, just tells you that nothing really changes! I’m glad, it’s nice to be back. I can’t wait to see everyone!”

Kairi reddened at their sudden closeness before easing into his rhythm. Sora was right, the Islands never changed, not really. Even if they had, it was a comfort to return to a place so closely tied to their hearts. “Yeah, and this time we aren’t saying goodbye, not really. It’s more like we’re setting off again and it’s an exciting journey. I can’t wait to see what other worlds we’ll find!” Kairi giggled as she broke free from his embrace and ran ahead of him. The tall hill before them extended off past the horizon.

Sora put his hands on his hips and drank in the scene of his hometown. There were a few new rooftops and terraces sprinkled about, but all in all, it was the same sleepy little beachside town he loved. “Yeah! I wanna see all that’s out there. But I’m glad to be back home for a bit, one last time before we set off on our own adventure. No Heartless, no Nobodies, just the two of us.” Sora beamed at her. It was a smile as bright as the sun on a clear summer’s day. Kairi felt all her past worries fade into the shadows cast by his light.

“Hmm, there may be some Heartless around. But I know you and I can take 'em!” Kairi pumped a fist as Sora fell into light laughter beside her.

“I know,” he said, gripping her hand a bit tighter. “So, where should we stop by first?”

Kairi traced the outline of a small square of double-folded paper in her jacket pocket. There was a place she wanted to go, and something she wanted to do—fulfill a dream she’d had for a long time. “Do you remember—when your mother first invited me over for your father’s Voyager Dinner?”

“Yeah, of course!” Sora grinned.

“Your mom…she told me the legend behind it, back then you know,” Kairi began.

***

It was both long ago, and yet just yesterday that a treasured memory took root in Kairi’s heart one sunset-kissed evening. It all began after a full day at the beach looking for sea glass with Sora. The two had taken their little haul and rushed to O’aka’s Odds and Ends, fully expecting to stuff their cheeks with candy before dinner. O’aka would usually buy the little bobbles from the kids in exchange for a bottle of Ramune or sweets. But not this evening. Instead, the two ran into Sora’s mother, who was out shopping for a “Voyager’s Dinner.”

“What’s a Voyager’s Dinner?”

“A seafarer’s wish of good luck,” Sora’s mother explained. 

Sora soon stepped in with his own excitement and described how delicious the dessert was—asserting that Kairi had to have dinner with them and try it.

Wide-eyed and filled with curiosity, Kairi stood next to Sora’s mother in the kitchen that night, her tiny hands gripping the counter as she diverted all her attention to the woman’s careful movements. A gentle folding of dough and a scattering of cubes of butter left the little girl salivating. As Sora’s mother began to smooth the dough, Kairi dared to ask what it was she was making. What made it so special? Slowly, the woman’s voice filled with the crackle of the warmth of a fire and weaved a tale.

“Long ago, the seas were rougher and the night sky darker than it is now. Only a few stars twinkled in the sky and could guide seafarers to their destination. The mainland itself was larger, much larger than it is now, and connected to so many other villages. And the sea, well, it was so large that you could travel hours by boat and only barely see the shore of another island. Our people, spurred on by the tales of passing travelers, took up their masts and set out to sea to find new lands, aware of the dangers and all they could lose.

Still, despite the pleas of their families , many decided they must set off for broader horizons. And so, the mothers, fathers, lovers, and friends banded together to wish their passionate travelers well. One proposed that they use the mystical properties of the paopu to ensure their loved ones would return. Another felt they should make a dish that could give them the warmth of home for one last time. And so, they put their heads together and created something that could give both. A crust so thin and crumbly, filled with the richest butter to sate their appetites. A smooth crème to cut the fat, and lastly topped with the tart soul-connecting fruit.

They say that even after the world changed and the stars in the sky grew in number, eating this tart brought their loved ones home even years later. And so we continue to make it as a send-off, a way to wish them a safe voyage home and remind them of the connection we share. We don’t use the paopu much anymore…but I like to sneak it in. Don’t tell anyone else, ok?” 

***

Back then Kairi had giggled and found herself dreaming of what it would be like to create her own tart for someone she loved. And now was the perfect time to make that dream a reality. She licked her lips as she fumbled with the small slip of paper in her hand.

“I had forgotten about it—the recipe I mean. Until I remembered your name again. Somehow, I knew I’d see you again soon so—I asked your mom for it.” Kairi gingerly handed Sora the recipe and placed her hand over his. “I couldn’t find the right time to make it till now but…this time...”

Sora’s eyes were focused on her the whole time, searching her expression for the truth behind her eyes. He knew what she wanted to say and it made his heart flutter. “Let’s make it together since we’re leaving again. We can go say hi to everyone while we shop for ingredients!”

Kairi beamed. He always seemed to notice what she wanted to do even before she said the words. Hand in hand the two headed off to find all they needed.

***

Word got out fast around Destiny Islands. For a seafaring village, gossip and new arrivals were always the talk of the town, so Sora and Kairi’s return didn’t go unnoticed. Reunions abounded with familiar faces, some tearful and others filled with laughter as the two visited store after store hunting for ingredients. The pair even stopped by O’aka’s and ran into a bubbly Selphie who got in a few teasing comments. 

“Here for some special ‘announcement’ to your parents before going off again?”

Kairi and Sora bashfully took a glance at one another—they had never told anyone how committed they were, yet Selphie already knew at a glance. Now wasn’t the time, but maybe someday they’d share everything with their families and friends. 

As Kairi and Sora gathered their ingredients, a familiar pair of friends entered the shack with the loudest and cheeriest of greetings. Tidus and Wakka, although a bit taller, had hardly changed at all. Kairi admired how easily the two conversed with Sora as if no time had passed since he’d last been home. It was heartening to see how much of an impact he still had on their hearts. With a brisk goodbye and promise of a reunion, the two bid farewell to their friends. 

Before leaving, Selphie slipped a grateful Kairi a bag of fruits. Inside shined a ripened paopu fruit. With a wink and a smile, a girl starving for the future juicy details wished her traveling friend good luck.  

****

Kairi was reminded of Sora’s cooking skills immediately upon entering his mother’s kitchen. Although it had been years, the boy knew where everything was kept and didn’t miss a beat gathering the pots and pans they needed.

Joy filled his features as the two poured over his mother’s detailed recipe. Kairi could tell he was excited to use what he had learned from Remy on a dish all his own. Teasingly, she suggested that he should teach her a few skills along the way. 

Sora got into the idea more than she expected and took on his own little chef role to guide her through the process. With every chop, sift, and stir, the klutzy boy from her memories was replaced by the image of a true chef.

The crack of a perfect egg by two and a whisk of sugar. The gentle click of a gaslit stove and a warm simmer of coconut milk slowly helped the pair gain a rhythm as they baked. 

While the pastry crème chilled, the two made the puff pastry. Along the way, Kairi tossed a pinch of flour at Sora in a sudden fit of mischief, earning a teasing grin and a dash of flour to her own face. His laughter filled the air. It reminded Kairi of the wholeness she had felt back then cooking alongside Sora’s family in a home filled with laughter and love. 

After the chopping of fruit and a couple of hours of reminiscing, the tart was complete. Or so Sora thought. Kairi insisted on adding one more special fruit. With an impish grin, she pulled out her secret ingredient, much to Sora’s heartfelt surprise.

Together, the two dotted the top of the tart with thin slices of paopu fruit. 

***

Kairi and Sora arrived at the Play Island with a wicker picnic basket dangling between them. Gingerly, Sora hoisted Kairi up onto the paopu tree before taking his place beside her. The setting sun before them was a welcome sight—a perfect end to their last day on the islands. Tucked inside the basket was the tart, glistening like the evening sunset. Sora cut a slice for the two of them. He held up a slice to Kairi with a boyish grin, taunting her to take a bite. 

An ache that had long persisted inside her heart faded away at the gesture. For over a year she couldn’t bring herself to visit the island—not until she brought Sora home. It was a fleeting dream come true to be here, with him, full and whole. Beaming, she held up her own slice—the two completing the ritual once more. 

The taste of their shared tart was sweet and refreshing, the tang of the fruit juice filling their taste buds with the nostalgia of home and the sunset’s burst of light. Gone was the bittersweet memory of their last parting at the base of the paopu tree, replaced with the promise of a new beginning.

“You know, back at that Voyager’s Dinner—I was so happy you were there, Kairi. It felt like a piece I was missing had finally fallen into place,” Sora said, red kissing the tips of his ears.

Kairi leaned in and gave Sora a playful kiss. “Me too. I felt at home. You were all so welcoming, and it was like a part of me that was missing became whole. My home is with you Sora, now and forever.”

Sora interlaced their hands and smiled. “No matter where we go, or how far, our connection will bring us back—

“Safe and sound.” Kairi finished. A promise and a childhood wish were fulfilled against the fading horizon, a tried and true guarantee for a safe voyage. 

Notes:

Written for Two Sides Zine Volume 2: A SoKai and RokuNami Cookbook! I'm so thankful to have had the chance to write for sokai, a dream come true project and I had the most amazing time working on it!

Thank you to Wiavi for bringing the story to life with her gorgeous spot art. It was amazing to work together and I just adore how you protrayed the scenes! Kairi's conflicting emotions come through so brilliantly and their little chibi forms cooking make my heart warm every time I see them!

And thank you to Phoenix and Liv for editing the story. Your feedback and lovely comments during the whole process really made this zine piece a love letter to SoKai and I grew so much as a writer because of it! It was so wonderful and a blast to work alongside everyone! I had so much fun and truly loved every minute.

Thank you to @true-intha-blu for the absolutely delicious tart recipe that inspired the same tart in the story! Your feedback and direction for the recipe made every mouth-watering detail come to life in words, I'm so happy we got to work together! If you haven't, definitely pick up a copy of the zine to enjoy the delicious recipes <3 Thank you all so much!

[v3nusstardust]

How close can best friends get?🫶

|| Beomgyu x Reader ||

Genre : fluff 🤍

Warnings : none ho

You had a long rough day , but your bestie beomgyu came to the rescue! Long story short.. after work you called him crying about all the stress and pain you’d been keeping in for a while.

He’s always there to listen ,he always has been there. That’s what made him so special to you. He wasn’t just your best friend but.. he was also your crush.. somewhat. You loved him like a best friend but also like a lover ..

It had been a tough day…. work was overwhelming, and everything seemed to be falling apart. You felt exhausted and lost, like the weight of it all was too much to carry alone. So, you did what you always did when you needed someone, you called your best friend Beomgyu.

When you called him, he picked up right away. You could barely speak through the tears, but Beomgyu didn’t rush you. He just listened, his calmness making you feel safe enough to let everything out.

“I’m sorry, Gyu,” you cried, your voice shaking. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything just feels like too much.”

“It’s okay.. Don’t apologize for the way you feel y/n .. I’m here to listen, Im not going anywhere, Kay?” Beomgyu’s voice was steady and warm.

You told him about the stress from work, the pressure you’d been feeling from life in general, and the weight of everything you’d been keeping to yourself for so long. It felt good to say it all out loud, even though it was hard. Beomgyu listened through it all. He was always so patient with you. That’s what made him so special.

Beomgyu has always meant so much to you. It’s hard to ignore the truth but.. you’ve always had feelings for him. Just a little.

You’d always been so careful not to blur the lines between friendship and something more. Beomgyu was your best friend, the one who could make you laugh when you felt like crying, the one who would listen to your rants late into the night. But over time, those feelings had deepened into something else. You’d tried to suppress it, to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat when he laughed, or how you always found yourself thinking of him when you were alone.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you," you whispered. "You’re always there when I need you... m-more than anyone else. I just don’t know how to say it.” Your voice was shaky with emotion.

He was quiet for a moment, the silence almost deafening. You worried for a second that you had said too much, but then you heard his soft and gentle laugh.

“You don’t have to say anything, really. I get it,” he replied, his tone warm and reassuring. “I’m always here for you, no matter what.”

“I’m so glad you’re in my life,” you said. And for a moment, you wondered if he felt the same way too.

"Hey, why don’t we hang out tonight?" he suggested. "I don’t think it’s good if you’re alone with your thoughts tonight y/n… I know how you can get sometimes.. I can come over, we can eat snacks, and watch some movies. What do you say?”

“I’d love that,” you said, the exhaustion in your voice mixing with a bit of relief. “That sounds perfect, Gyu! But.. it’s like 1 am right now”

"I know," he said . "I'll be there in 20 minutes, okay? Get comfy, we're doing a full movie marathon.”

—————

You sighed and leaned back in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, your thoughts still spiraled. The rattling sound of the wind outside was oddly comforting.

You were grateful for Beomgyu, though. He always knew how to show up, even when you didn’t ask for it. He never pushed when you needed space, but he also never hesitated when you needed someone to remind you that you weren’t alone.

|| 1:47 am ||

You continued to just zone out for a while , until you heard a knock on your door.

You put on your cute slippers and fixed yourself a little as you made your way to the door. You took a deep breath in before opening the door.

“Hi gyu “ you gave him a warm smile. Beomgyu stood there, a bag of snacks in one hand, his other hand tucked into the pocket of his hoodie. He grinned as soon as he saw you, the familiar twinkle in his eyes making you feel a little lighter. “Hey, Y/n,” he said. “Got you some chips, candy, and..” He paused, holding up a cup of (your fav drink).

You smiled a little wider, stepping aside to let him in. “Ugh gyu you’re literally the best. What would I do without you” you sighed as you both made your way to your room.

“Sorry about the mess.. ha..” you chuckled nervously. You forgot to pick up a bit before he came , but whatever he’s your best friend. He didn't comment on it though, just tossed the bag of snacks onto your bed and flopped down next to it.

“Movie marathon?” he asked, reaching for the remote. "I'll pick the first one, and no falling asleep during the movie! " he teased.

“I never do!” You giggled as you took a seat beside him on the bed.

He raised an eyebrow at you, clearly not buying it. “Mhm.. sure y/n” he replied. You laughed.

“What movie do you wanna watch? “ he asked while scrolling with the remote.

You thought for a moment before answering, grinning a little. "How about (your fav movie) ?" you suggested, the one movie you could watch over and over again without ever getting bored.

“Ahh good choice,” he said before clicking play on the remote. You leaned back into the pillows, pulling the blanket up around your shoulders as the opening scene began.

As the movie played on, you found yourself not really paying attention to the plot, but rather.. Beomgyu's presence. The lighting was dim in your room .. and it just made him glow. His side profile was gorgeous and his beautiful blonde mullet was the cherry on top.

You found yourself staring a little longer than you should, trying to pinpoint what was making your heart race in a way that felt unfamiliar. The warmth of his presence was always comforting, but this felt different.

His blonde mullet, slightly messy , framed his face so delicately . The dim lighting of the room made him look almost ethereal… like something out of a dream. You blinked again, trying to snap yourself out of it.

What’s going on with me? You shifted uncomfortably on the bed, maybe it’s because how close you were to him

You told yourself it was just the exhaustion of the late hour, the cozy atmosphere, or maybe just how close the two of you were that made everything feel a little too... intimate.

But… he was your best friend. You’d always felt safe with him, always had fun with him. You could talk about anything, and he always knew exactly how to make you laugh. There’s no way this could be anything more, you thought, trying to rationalize it. Right?

You glanced at the clock—3:56 am. A yawn escaped your lips, and you tried to stifle it, but it was no use. The tiredness was finally catching up with you.

Beomgyu caught onto it. "Tired, huh?" He smiled at you . "Told you , you wouldn’t last."

You rubbed your eyes and let out a small laugh. "I guess so..." Your head felt heavy, your body sinking deeper into the bed. Maybe I was a little more tired than I thought.

You rested your eyes. and then.. you fell asleep.

————————

|| 8:41 am.. ||

Your mind was still foggy from sleep, and for a moment, everything felt like a blur. The soft rays of morning light filtered through your window, but it wasn’t until you felt the warmth next to you that you realized something was off. you felt something or other.. someone beside you. Your mind was still hazy from sleep. You froze for a moment.

Wait, what? You thought, suddenly very aware of the weight on your shoulder and the arm draped gently across your waist. Beomgyu. You could tell by the soft breathing that he was still asleep.

You carefully shifted, but Beomgyu’s arm tightened around you, pulling you closer in his sleep. He picked up his leg and draped it over yours. Oh my god, you thought, panic rising. This is so not how I imagined waking up. You tried to remember how you’d ended up like this. The last thing you remembered was falling asleep, your eyes getting heavy and then… but how did he end up so close beside you?

You were tangled up with him, literally and emotionally, and you had no idea what to do with the sudden rush of warmth flooding your chest. You carefully tried to shift your body away from his.

This made it so much worse.

Beomgyu scooted closer to you. Resting his head on your chest and cuddling you like a little teddy bear. His warm breath tickled your neck as he scooted even closer. You felt your face flush at the closeness. You bit your lip, trying to calm your racing heart. For a moment, you simply laid there, his warmth against you, listening to the soft sound of his breathing. Maybe you could just stay in this moment forever, pretending everything was fine, pretending you weren’t questioning everything about your feelings for him.

The way he fit so perfectly against you, his body pressed up against yours like he belonged there. You had never felt this kind of closeness with him before, and it was making everything inside you feel... confusing.

This isn’t right. He's just my best friend. He’s always been my best friend, you tried to remind yourself, but it was hard to focus on anything other than the way his body felt against yours. The beat of his heart, the warmth of his skin, the way he seemed so at ease with you...

You shifted slightly, trying to adjust without waking him. But Beomgyu stirred, his head moving against your chest, and then he murmured your name in his sleep. “Y/n…”

You froze again, your heart skipping a beat.

You glanced down at him, his messy blonde hair falling across his face, his features soft in sleep. For a second, you just stared at him, wondering if he could feel the same pull you felt. Could he?

You shifted slightly again, carefully, and Beomgyu's eyes fluttered open, barely. He blinked lazily, then mumbled, “Hmm? Are you okay?”

You tried to swallow the nervous lump in your throat, your mind still spinning. “Yeah,” you whispered, voice barely above a murmur. “Just... tired.”

He hummed in response, snuggling deeper into you, as if THIS was perfectly normal. “Good,” he whispered, then relaxed back into his position, his head resting on your chest again. You could feel his breath, slow and steady, against your skin.

“Are you sure you’re okay y/n? Your heartbeat is very fast..” he said with a concerned tone.

“Maybe... maybe I’m just... overthinking,” you said quickly, your voice was shaky.

He shifted, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look directly at you.

“Y/n… If you’re not okay, you know you can tell me, right?” His voice was gentle, filled with understanding.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just… just tired, like I said.” You continued to lay straight on your back, staring at the ceiling.

Beomgyu didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he didn’t push any further. Instead, he just gave you a soft smile and laid back down. This time he laid closely next to you. His body turned to face yours. His fingers traced every strand of your hair.

"You're not usually this quiet," he said after a while, his voice softer now. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

“I… I don’t know,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. "I just don’t want to mess things up. I don’t want things to change between us."

“Y/n, nothing’s going to change,” he said quietly, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch was light, gentle, but the way it made your skin tingle only made your heart beat harder. "You’re my best friend, and that’s never going to change. No matter what.”

“Are you sure?” you whispered, your voice barely audible, as if the slightest doubt would shatter the fragile moment between you. You turned your head to face him, your breath catching when his eyes met yours again.

Beomgyu smiled, his gaze gentle but filled with sincerity. "I’m sure," he said. "I’ll always be here, Y/n. Nothing’s going to change that."

But as you stared into his eyes, you couldn’t help but wonder… what if it already had?….

(a/n : my bad for not writing the last several months. I had a bf but he treated me like shit …🗿 butttt now I’m back fr 🌜 also sorry for mistakes I never reread ts after im done writing fr)

[youracebuddy]

Falling Asleep in Your Arms

Reboot Wally x Reader

Age Rating- Teen

Word Count- 2,029

This can also be found on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/60482998

This work is dedicated to @kawaiialeisha !

This work can SOMEWHAT be seen as a sequel to my other story, I'm in Love with my Best Friend, but neither of the two require you to read the other one! :)

------------------------------------------------------------

“Do we really have to bring this up again?” Julie whined, rolling her eyes and letting out a deep, dramatic sigh as she splayed over the bench that her and Sally were seated on.

“It was the style back then! It’s not MY fault that I wanted to be fashionable!” She grumbled, shooting daggers at her now-laughing friends. You were trying your best to not laugh along with them, but their laughter was too infectious for you to stop it. After trying to resist it for just a little bit longer, you burst into laughter along with everyone else.

With your addition to the chorus of laughter, Julie snapped her head over to her girlfriend- Sally- with big, pleading eyes. Sally just shook her head, clearly fond of her but tired of her antics. Julie let out another dramatic sigh, bringing her hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose out of annoyance.

“We’re not wrong, Jules. You looked even more like a dog than me!” Barnaby wheezed, slapping his knee with a paw.

Eddie and Frank stood adjacent to him, Eddie poorly stifling his laughter and Frank eying everyone with an amused smirk. Naturally, the two of them were holding hands as usual, like the adorable couple that they were.

“I’m frankly glad that you decided to cut it, Julie- I was worried that I would lose all of the insects I spent so long studying to your hair.” Frank mused, deciding to throw in his own joke. Eddie burst out into laughter, which was what Frank seemingly wanted, as their expression softened with affection at the sight of him laughing at their joke.

“I’m just glad that I never have to get that much hairspray for my store again! You were going through five bottles a day, Julie!” Howdy added, his four arms rested comfortably at his sides. “My arms were SO much more sore, with me having to restock the stuff almost constantly!”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Poppy scolded, now chirping in to put an end to the teasing. She walked over to Sally, placing a reassuring wing on her shoulder.

“It was a good hairstyle, Baby! Just… unique, is all. I come to you to do my feathers for good reason, you know! I would NEVER let someone with poor fashion sense within miles of my feathers!” Poppy explained, shooting one last glare at the group to emphasize her point.

Everyone nodded, letting out a quiet mumble of “sorry” and other hushed apologies. Poppy nodded, content that everything was resolved, and went back to her previous spot next to Howdy.

After her scolding, a familiar but comfortable quiet took over the group. It was normal for these silences to take over during the time where everyone thought about stories to tell each other.

This time around, however, you would be the one to break it.

“Oh, Poppy! Before I forget to ask, how do you get your bread loaves to be that nice and crunchy on the outside? I tried to make mine as crunchy as yours, but I just ended up burning it. Thank god I know someone who’s a walking trash disposal.” With that final line, you gestured to Barnaby, who took on a serious expression and a salute.

“It is both a great honor and responsibility that I bear.” He spoke, even taking off his hat and clutching it to his chest for dramatic effect. You let out a snort at his antics, before shifting your attention back to Poppy. She looked positively ecstatic at the idea of talking about baking.

“Well, why didn’t you mention it earlier, Muffin? I would be happy to help anytime! But, to get back to your question…” She trailed off, tapping the tip of her beak with her wing in thought.

“Oh, of course! The trick to making the outside of your bread loafs so thick and crunchy is to put a tray of water underneath it as it bakes! The evaporating water helps it firm up!” She explained, beaming with pride.

“Huh, weird. Never would have guessed it! Thank you, Poppy!” You exclaimed, a soft smile adorning your features in thanks. She nodded in return, clearly happy about where this conversation was going.

“If you’re ever interested in learning, I could teach you how to make as many pastries as you please! I may be a gentle bird, but I'm a real force to be reckoned with behind my cooking supplies!” She cooed, her clawed feet gently tapping against the ground out of excitement.

“Well, that depends on one thing! Barnaby?” You asked, looking back over to him. He nodded, patting his belly as he spoke.

“Of course! I’m hungry just thinking about it!”

“...Barnaby, didn’t you eat just a few minutes ago?” Frank spoke, clearly confused and a bit worried that he was already hungry.

“Maybe, but this pup’s got more than just a hollow leg!” He barked out, yet again bursting into laughter. You soon joined him, cheeks already aching at how much you were smiling.

Speaking of someone making you smile, you only now noticed that Wally did not even mutter a peep this whole conversation. Worry quickly taking over your brain from the fact that he usually is the main one to talk, you finally looked over to him.

He was still seated at your side, resting his hand in his palms and patiently watching you, as he usually did. It was a bit off-putting when he first started doing it, but you quickly learned that it was just his way of expressing affection. Mimicking his actions, you rested your head in your own palm, looking back at him with the same gentle expression that he always had when he was gazing at you.

He quickly snapped out of his trance at the sight of you mimicking him, letting out a small, contented noise now that your focus was back on him.

“It took you long enough, Doll~” He gently teased, wasting no time scooting back over to you, holding his arms out. Without even having to think with how practiced the motion was, you scooped him up in your own arms, lifting him up and placing him down in your lap, sitting him down to face you. Then, just as he always did, he wrapped his arms and legs around you, slowly nuzzling his face into your neck.

He squirmed around for a few seconds, before completely melting into you once more. To fulfill your side of the embrace, you tenderly wrapped your arms around him, resting your head in his messy pompadour. It was just as soft as you remembered, with the familiar and comforting scent of apples that he always had.

With the two of you now firmly wrapped around the other, Wally let out a quiet, contented sigh against you, the warmth of his body seeping into yours.

With his clinginess now accounted for, you looked up to check on how the others were doing. They weren’t phazed in the slightest by your lovey-dovey actions, as they have seen them enough times from before the two of you were dating that it basically made no difference when you did actually get together.

Focusing back on the conversation, you tried your best to pick up on what they were now talking about.

“-But then how on earth did my hotdog supply suddenly disappear, Barnaby? You and I both know that they couldn’t have flown away!” Howdy growled, arms folded firmly in front of him. The smile that had graced his features previously was now replaced with an annoyed scowl.

“You’re right. They’re not pigs, aren’t they?” Barnaby joked, wiping the nonexistent sweat off of his brow. For someone who always was relaxed and chill, he looked quite nervous.

“Oh, come on Barnaby! I already have to deal with Wally stealing all of the apples- of which Neighbor has tried to pay for multiple times- and now I have to deal with this!” Howdy groaned, lifting one of his hands up to smooth down any stray hairs that might have gotten misplaced during the dispute.

“Well, if you really are so innocent, then I’m sure that someone will be able to defend you.” Howdy finally settled on, his expression quickly turning smug.

Barnaby looked like he wanted to die right then and there.

He frantically looked around to the others, and was promptly met with a cold shoulder. With nothing else to give, he turned to you and Wally.

“Wally. I didn’t steal the hotdogs, right?”

Howdy was going to make a snarky remark to that, but stopped in his tracks when he heard no response from Wally.

“...Wally?” Barnaby spoke, narrowing his eyes at his figure.

Now suddenly involved in this argument, you quickly looked back down to him, searching his expression for answers.

…

He was asleep.

His head was buried comfortably into your chest, his face weary but calm. He told you before that he was really tired, but you never expected it to get to a point that he would fall asleep in your arms.

“Walls…” You whispered, trying to gently coax him out of his sleep. Once that didn’t work, you attempted to gently shake him by the shoulders.

This did seem to stir something in his consciousness, as he let out a little mumble of protest before slowly waking up. He sat himself back up in your lap, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before meeting your gaze. When it clicked in his sleepy brain that you were- well- you, his face lit up with an almost childlike wonder.

With absolutely no barriers to stop his affection in his sleep-deprived mind, he managed to completely snuggle himself into you within a matter of seconds. When he was as close as he possibly could be, he settled his head back comfortably on your chest, staring up at you with his shimmering, loving lavender eyes.

Just as he did before, he simply observed you with a lovestruck smile. If there was anything that his tired brain wanted, it was affection. And he was clearly quite adamant on getting it.

You rolled your eyes, letting out a small huff of faux-annoyance. You leaned your face towards his, tenderly nuzzling your face against his. He returned it happily, absorbing the touch like a sponge.

You couldn’t help but giggle, as he was basically acting like a giant, cuddly cat right now. Holding onto you, refusing to let go, and demanding affection? It was almost a perfect 1:1 copy in your eyes.

Wanting to have your face free so you could breathe without directly inhaling his hair, you gingerly held his head by the cheeks and held him back. He tried to shake his head out of your grip, but you relented. By the time he realized that he wasn’t going to get out, he just started nuzzling into the next best thing- your hands.

He grabbed your hands to keep them in place, proceeding to softly bury his face into them. You could feel your heart pounding at your ribcage from the combination of the sight and how his face felt against your hands, so what he did next was practically a death sentence.

He wiggled his head slightly through your hands, just enough so he could go back to watching you as usual. But, with how tired he was in the first place, he just ended up drifting back to sleep, face still buried into your hands.

After a quick confirmation that he was actually asleep, you quickly brought him back to rest against you, squealing quietly to yourself. The urge to pinch his cheeks like an old grandma was INCREDIBLY STRONG, but you managed to somehow resist it.

With him now safely tucked up into you, you looked up to your friends to see if they would be fine with you leaving with Wally a bit earlier than usual. They all seemed to get the gist of what was going on quickly, shooing you away with teasing smiles and comments.

...

In the end, you needed that rest just as much as Wally did.

[demigod-shenanigans]

Actual lengthy reply time finally (sorry this took me literally forever)

Yeah I did not want Leo to be alone right after this, and I didn’t want Piper to be alone with it either. Canon may refuse to let them go to Jason’s funeral, but I will let them grieve together, damn it!

The backstory/pre-plot part actually ended up being quite a bit more than just a prologue, it’s the first few chapters, but I hope it’ll still feel well-paced and fitting when we get around to the rest of them! I wanted to take the time to get into all the feelings and set up/resolve some stuff, plus sticking to the ToA timeline I had to get to the point where Apollo is back on Mount Olympus, which takes a minute. Most of it is relevant and will be back to haunt Leo later!

Responding to the bullet points by putting the relevant numbers in front (not sure why it apparently changed all of yours to 1. in this reblog, they’re correct if I look at your post?? Very strange)

2. Yep! Leo not feeling loved/worthy of love was a huge deal in HoO, and all canon did was put a girlfriend on it and pretend we’re good now, but we will not be doing that here! Leo will learn to recognize that he’s loved, and if it’s the last thing he does :)

4. This bugged me so much in HoO you have no idea. I actually kind of prefer HoO to pjo just because I adore all the characters, but plot wise it’s all over the place and we really miss out on a bunch of friendship stuff because it’s so focused on all the love triangles. I need more platonic Argo bonding!! Let them all be buddies!!

5. This is partially me being demiromantic but many if not all my favorite ships are characters that have strong platonic bonds first. Something something marrying your best friend. I also feel like Leo and Jason both took forever to realize they were into each other (Leo grumbling about Jason constantly being hot in his general vicinity being the reason why he doesn’t have a girlfriend will always crack me up, lol, and Jason spent so long doing what he thought he was supposed to/what was expected of him, including his relationship with Piper, that he didn’t really get to stop and properly have a sexuality crisis for ages) so I wanted to re-establish that for the fic, especially since valgrace fics are kind of split on whether they have jiper happen and break up like they did in canon or just never have them date at all

6. I couldn’t resist sneaking that one in. Insert lame Apollo dodgeball Leo Valdez joke LMAO

7. <3

That’s such a smart way to put it!! Leo is dealing with a lottt and we’re going to get into it a bit more in future chapters but yeah he’s definitely avoiding talking about some of it (in both the way that we the audience don’t see all of it and in him and Piper actively coping via distracting themselves and not talking about some of it)

Honest confession: I really struggle with Shel. I’m glad she exists, but she’s basically an OC when you try to work with her in fanon, because she really only exists to confirm Piper is sapphic and canon gives us absolutely no information on her. I know she’s Cherokee, I know she’s sapphic, I know she likes hiking and I think she has a piercing? That’s it. She’s just kind of a nothing character, which is fine in the books but makes it very hard to work with her in fanon content. Can we have at least a little additional input on her please? 🤲

Glad you think that works well!! Especially because I actually don’t find myself that funny? Though I think it probably helps that I’ve got a general tendency to get attached to traumatized joke coping characters, so I’m pretty familiar with it conceptually. The last book series I fixated on also did this a lot (intense explorations of grief briefly interrupted by memes LOL)

The audience knows stuff!! But Leo was not around for that! And he’s processing a lot at the moment but that just really makes it sink in how much he missed, both because he was gone for so long and also when he was there but so caught up in his own problems (and especially in seeing how “happy” Piper and Jason were apparently without him, because again Leo doesn’t feel worthy of love and has spent a lot of time in foster families who weren’t that great and made him feel like they’d eventually decide they didn’t want him anymore) that he didn’t see the cracks that Piper now tells him were there basically for the whole relationship. So yeah it’s a shock. On a lot of levels. But it’s a lot less earthshaking than the shock of Jason being gone, and therefore easier to focus on. The Piper related changes may or may not also hit him sometime in the near future ;)

Quotes section (please just in general know I’m delighted you did this it brings me suchhh joy to see what bits touched my readers the most):

-No spoilers, but I will say there’s a reason the fic starts out with memories of Esperanza. And yeah, the whole Jason situation is tearing open a lot of old wounds, specifically because of how similar it is: a situation Leo was unable to do anything to change that he feels responsible for (even though, realistically speaking, he isn’t). A loved one that got ripped away from him far too soon that he never got the chance to say goodbye to. A kind of desperate ache that nothing is ever going to fix.

I have a couple of grievances with ToA, and the way none of Jason’s loved ones are allowed to stay mad at Apollo is definitely one of them. Like, it’s established Jason died because of Apollo’s broken Styx prophecy! We’re told that’s the reason it happens!! Piper is the only one who gets to be mad at him at all, and even then she’s only upset for a single scene and has forgiven Apollo the next time they meet. Grief can be messy and nasty and people lash out sometimes! Not everyone needed to immediately be totally fine with the fact that Apollo got Jason killed!

-Glad you enjoyed that joke! I’m not super good with machinery so I worried I’d struggle with working that part into his narration but there’s some references to it I’m actually really happen with, and this is one of them :)

-Something something Leo is of the opinion that Piper should hate him how he hates himself! Also in this context, feeling a little evil about the fact that one of the reasons Leo doesn’t go to the Camp Jupiter funeral is that he thinks everyone would blame him for Jason’s death. The reality of it is that they wouldn’t! But when his mom died his aunt did blame him and so he automatically assumes that this time everyone will look at him and see that same blame written all over his face.

-English being my third language (technically second language going off of how well I actually speak it, I learnt French first but my French is shit lol), I’m really glad to hear it haha

-All of their lives are fucking weird, it’s a demigod thing, but Leo’s almost got everyone beat just based on the fact that the Queen of the Gods went out of her way to come babysit him. It’s even funnier because I’m pretty sure none of the others know this except for Piper and Jason. I wish we’d seen him tell Percy and Annabeth, I feel like that would have been a very funny interaction.

-There is something related to Leo in that box, which may or may not be something I’ve mentioned on this blog before ;)

-Unfortunately for Leo, there’s a bit more stuff he has to deal with before the Plot can start. For instance, the fact that he is (theoretically) in a relationship right now.

I’m so so glad you enjoyed this!! I’ve read and reread your comment a whole bunch of times now, and every time I do I get this huge grin on my face. This is the kind of comment i don’t get a lot but that when I do get it I’ll treasure literally forever. You made my whole month with this and it’s made me very excited to get back to the fic (which between exam phase and hospital stuff I haven’t gotten to work on nearly as much as I hoped lately)

The choiceless hope in grief

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k

Rating: Teen and Up

So! *claps hands together* I’ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until I’m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! I’m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and I’d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!

A couple of important notes before we start:

-TW for suicidal ideation. It’s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of “I’m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesn’t, my death is an acceptable consequence”, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think you’re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.

-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they don’t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they don’t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that they’re still together for a little bit.

-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.

Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover

It wasn’t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jason’s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldn’t silently—or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.

Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried he’d regret this later—his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.

But Leo remembered his mother’s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his mother’s death had been his fault. Leo couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.

He also didn’t remember his mother’s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. He’d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as he’d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didn’t need any of Apollo’s shitty oracles to know Jason’s death would be exactly the same.

At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.

Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.

Leo wasn’t a coward. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell he’d risk the other.

With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing. 

For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.

He’d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again. 

He’d talked Calypso’s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. He’d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that he’d probably get yelled at, but he’d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. He’d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldn’t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.

Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldn’t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.

They didn’t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldn’t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.

Even if they’d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piper’s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldn’t stop fidgeting.

Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldn’t eat. He hadn’t skipped a meal in forever—he’d been homeless and unsure when he’d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldn’t afford to—but he couldn’t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state he’d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadn’t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.

Had Leo’s help made any difference at all? Had anything he’d done in his life changed things even slightly?

Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fell—for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But he’d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.

He wasn’t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didn’t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leo’s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning. 

It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but he’d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and he’d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piper’s breaths, until finally, those went, too.

~~~~

It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual. 

Instead, he dreamed of his time on the Argo II—of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world. 

It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn. 

This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but they’d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and they’d taken turns storytelling. 

And Jason had bragged. So much. But he hadn’t even had the decency to brag about himself like a normal human being. Instead, he’d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person he’d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering he’d met everyone else on their team.

And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew. 

Jason didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked. 

“Leo took on three Cyclopes by himself. Three!”

“Dude, stop!” Leo had laughed, shaking his head. “I know I’m incredible and you’re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you weren’t even conscious for that part.”

“Still happened, though.” Jason had beamed at him. “You’re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadn’t been for you. You guys should’ve seen him.”

It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly he’d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasn’t the type. He’d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.

So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.

“Sorry, Pipes, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. It’s the fire powers, I’m afraid. I’m just too hot to resist,” Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jason’s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.

~~~~

Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes and remembering… that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. He’d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.

Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what they’d been back then—the three of them together and happy and whole,back before they’d realized what the prophecy really meant. 

He wanted to stay wrapped in Jason’s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actually be the person Jason was bragging about—this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved people’s lives.

But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasn’t ready to die just yet. Jason had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.

Leo wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life he’d promised. But he wasn’t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second he’d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want that.

The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now was not think. 

By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.

It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.

They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasn’t that bad.

While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor—this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place he’d ever slept—Leo asked Piper’s dad if he could help with dinner. 

Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. He’d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea. 

Considering how long he’d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation. 

“You might want to try a sharper knife,” Leo suggested, which made Piper’s dad look absolutely mortified. “Try not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piper’s been traumatized enough for one week.”

The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didn’t laugh, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.

Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadn’t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.

“Well, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. That’s already an improvement.”

“Yeah, I’m basically a cooking expert,” Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.

“You and Piper went to school together, right?” Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didn’t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. “You and her and Jason.”

“Yeah. We went to Wilderness school together.” Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies they’d already told Piper’s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. “Then all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.”

Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leo’s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piper’s dad could do was appreciate it!

“I’m glad you’re here now, with everything that’s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,” Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. “The last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.”

Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piper’s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ‘breakup’, the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Ow!” he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. “Jason and Piper broke up?”

The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? They’d been happy together.

Surely, Piper’s dad had to be talking about something else.

To Leo’s shock, Tristan nodded.

“A while ago, yes,” he said, but he didn’t go into details—possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. “We should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?”

“No, the cuts aren’t that deep,” Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. “Sorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.”

Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.

“What happened?”

“I’ve been bested by a stupid potato,” Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake. “Ow.”

“Stop that, dumbass!” Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. “Sink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?”

Tristan didn’t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.

“Not exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but I’ll get the first aid kit from the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Do we have to do the soap?” Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. “How do you even know this stuff? Are we sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

“I know this stuff because I’m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,” Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. “You shouldn’t be around knives when you’re this distracted.”

“I can usually cook just fine when I’m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,” Leo said defensively. “Is that the Mist messing with him?”

That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.

Piper shook her head. “We really did break up. That was a few months ago.”

Leo felt his jaw hit the floor. 

“What the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed so happy.”

“I know, but-” Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?

Leo’s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that.

But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and he’d never get to see him again.

“Is it alright if we do this somewhere else?” Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.

“Of course. It might be easier to patch him up when you’re both sitting down, anyway.” He turned towards Leo. “Thank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetables—Demeter, probably?—and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.

~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didn’t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dad’s room when he’d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. “Please tell me it wasn’t something like, I don’t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think I’d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.”

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friends’ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.

When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.

“I actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadn’t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasn’t until we realized we wouldn’t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I did…” Her voice went very quiet, and she still didn’t look up at him. “I realized I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I don’t think I ever was.”

“How did I not know that?” Leo wondered quietly. “I just… you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?”

Piper shook her head. “It isn’t your fault. I was telling myself I was happy for a long time. It’s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it up… I love-” her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, “-loved Jason, but not like that.”

“Pipes, I’m really sorry.” Leo squeezed her shoulder. “That sounds like it was super hard for both of you.” Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadn’t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasn’t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leo’s unending list of epic screwups he’d never be able to make up for.

“Jason was… well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didn’t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybe…” But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “It was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didn’t care about him.”

And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried. 

“He knew you cared,” he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. “You love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, even I know you love me, and we both know I’m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.”

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Oh, I’m about to make you regret saying that,” Leo said, forcing himself to smile. “I’ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.”

“You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my best friend.” He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. “I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasn’t sure anyone could blame him.

~~~~

For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.

Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsend—if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.

He helped cook, too, and Piper’s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went on—like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.

It was mostly good—listening to Piper reminisce about trips she’d taken with her dad and where she’d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they weren’t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.

The first time they tried hiking—Leo didn’t even like hiking, he’d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himself—they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasn’t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack. 

They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.

“A human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels weren’t talking to us,” Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout “Please ignore Leo!” loudly from the branches of the tree she’d been climbing.

The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.

“What in the world are you doing up there?” 

“Trying to get a better vantage point,” Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. “We’re hopelessly lost.”

“Well, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. I’m Shel,” the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.

Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. “That was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it.”

“Oh yeah, Piper’s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,” Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.

“You guys need help getting back?”

“Please, yes,” Piper said immediately. “It turns out we’re both garbage with maps.”

“Maybe you just need a tour guide next time,” Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasn’t even mad about being the third wheel for once. He’d give her so much shit about this later.

And he did. And then Piper properly came out to him—no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this. 

Which was how Leo realized he’d apparently never told Piper he was bi.

Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.

Well, at least they got to hug about it now. 

~~~~

It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.

The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with. 

This wasn’t exactly news. From what little Leo did remember of Wilderness School, they’d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piper’s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. They’d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as they’d been able to cheer each other up, that hadn’t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadn’t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!

Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jason’s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again. 

It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jason’s favorite—seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?

Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piper’s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.

Leo had spent a long time exactly like this—pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasn’t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then he’d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.

His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

But other than that, it was mostly good.

Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.

———

Chapter notes:

Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.

I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully you’ll enjoy the whole journey :)

I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jason’s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrant’s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!

Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think that’s okay.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!

List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)

[izzyy-stuff]

For your 300 follower bash, can I request a short story/drabble where the reader is either the sixth member of TXT or a member of a gg like maybe Le Sserafim or Aespa and is in a relationship with any member (I'm ot5 so it really doesn't matter who <3) I do kind of like the idea of Hyuka being the love interest and can totally picture the other members teasing him a lot, but again any member is fine <33

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 - 𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐊𝐀𝐈

bf!blond!Kai x fem!reader

in which no matter how much his friends tease him about his girlfriend, he knows they love her just as much as he does.

wc 1.4k

warnings kissing, slightly suggestive

↪ izzy speaks... first fic for the 300 bash!! I am happy it's with huening too! I've been meaning to use these pictures for a while now.

event post | event masterlist

The smile on your face slowly fades away as you watch the three dots disappear, leaving you on ‘seen’. You raise an eyebrow in confusion, but you don’t get a chance to pay it any more attention as your best friend, Yunjin, wraps her arm around your shoulders, smirking.  

“Look who’s being all lovey-dovey again,” she teases, giggling as she snatches your phone. “You guys are so adorable it makes me sick.” Kazuha and Chaewon share a laugh with her, shaking their heads at the brunette. “Hey! Give it back! I’m in the middle of a conversation!” You try to take your phone back, but it only leads to more of Yujin’s laughing. 

Little did  you know that your dear boyfriend Kai is in the same situation as you, hiding his face in embarrassment as Beomgyu holds his phone. 

“Can’t wait to see you again,” Beomgyu reads out loud, running around the room. Usually, he wouldn’t dare to do something like this. It was Kai’s privacy, and there was no way he would cross the line, but a dare was a dare. 

“Just read it all! Get it over with,” Kai whines, his cheeks red as he stares down at his lap, listening just like everyone else. “Oh, god. I’m not reading that. That’s for sure,” Beomgyu frowns, catching Yeonjun’s attention. The youngest’s eyes widen as he realizes what chats one of his best friends has just stumbled upon. “No, no, no, don’t look through that! This far is enough. Give it back,” the blond looks up again, his eyes full of fear and awkwardness. 

But before Beomgyu can do as he asked for, Yeonjun is already up, stealing the phone from him. “Yeonjun!” Kai yells, his mind too clouded with thoughts to use honorifics. “Oh my god!” The eldest gasps. “How can our fans call you an angel?” He dramatizes. “You’re nasty.” 

“Just kill me,” Huening sighs, closing his eyes. Taehyun chuckles, patting his back. “It’s not the end of the world,” he reminds the blond, rolling his eyes when he notices Yeonjun taking pictures of the chats on his phone. Sometimes, he doubted if Jun was actually the eldest of them all. “It might be, though! She is going to kill me if she finds out you’ve read our chats.” 

“I won’t tell a soul,” Yeonjun proclaims, still laughing as he hands Kai his phone back. “But I’m glad you don’t act like a complete angel, at least with your girlfriend. Honestly, the whole innocent act has been freaking me out.” 

“I’m not even going to say anything to that,” Kai answers, gripping his phone tightly as if he were scared someone might take it away from him again. “Now, answer your girl. You don’t leave a girl waiting when she asks to hang out.” Hyuka rolls his eyes at him, opening his phone again, “I’m not stupid. I know what to do and what not.” 

“Right,” Beomgyu is the first to scoff, but it doesn’t move Kai a bit. Once his girlfriend had his attention, nothing bothered him anymore. 

♡⸝⸝  

You watch Sakura, Yujin and Kazuha go over the choreography repeatedly, mentally going over the steps along with them. You definitely couldn’t say you would excel the dance yet, but you’ve had enough for today. If you went through the choreography again, your legs might as well give up. 

“Okay, we’re clocking out now! Have fun!” Eunchae grins, swinging her bag over her shoulder while Chaewon stands beside her wearing the same annoying smirk. You catch Yujin rolling her eyes and have to laugh. “I am going to leave in a bit, too,” you say, and your best friend immediately turns to you. “What? I thought we were grabbing dinner together after practice!” She complains. 

You open your mouth to answer her, but all that leaves your lips is a shaky breath full of regret. You squeeze your eyes shut as you remember the plans you made, clapping your hands together and muttering a quiet “sorry” through them. Yujin sighs when she notices your eyes. She can’t even blame you. Not when you seem so genuine with your apology. “I kind of…forgot about it,” you admit. “And made plans with Kai instead.” 

“Alright then. You’re lucky I know Kai has been busy, and you haven’t seen him much lately,” she shakes her head, and you smile again, jumping up to hug her. “Thank you, thank you!” Yujin smiles as she wraps her hands around you. “We can have dinner tomorrow. What do you think?” You ask hopefully, and she chuckles, nodding. “Go hang out with your boyfriend now,” she says, pushing you toward the door with a laugh. 

“I’ll see you tonight! Bye!” You quickly wave at Sakura and Kazuha before the door closes behind you, and you stand in the hallway, beaming as you notice your boyfriend sitting on the side, scrolling on his phone. “Hey,” you greet him quietly, making him raise his head immediately. “You should have come in. No one would mind.” Kai grabs his bag from the bench, slightly shaking his head as he walks to you. “It’s fine,” he assures you before gently pressing his lips on yours, one of his hands wrapping around your waist while the other rests on your cheek. “Hi, pretty,” he mumbles his greeting against your lips, making you bite your bottom lip to constrain your smile. 

Hyuka holds your hand as you walk through the HYBE building, telling you about his practice and some of the stupid dares they did during their break – purposefully not mentioning the one involving his friends reading your chats – while you tell him about your practice and the main points of your new choreography, bragging about how fun they are. 

He only lets go of your hand when you get to the entrance, smiling as he lets you walk outside first, watching you walk to your car while he waits for a few minutes, just like he did many times before in order not to get anyone suspicious about your relationship with him. People don’t need to know that you’re on your way to his dorm. 

♡⸝⸝  

You chuckle at the familiar voices as you step inside the dorm room. You feel at home. Not only because of your boyfriend, but also his friends, who’ve never been anything but welcoming to you. 

“Don’t mind then. Beomgyu and Soobin got immersed in League again,” Yeonjun simply waves at you as he passes the front door on his way to his room. “Taehyun just finished making dinner, or you know where the snacks are,” he smiles. “Thank you,” you smile back, taking off your shoes. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Hyuka to arrive, too, pulling you in for a hug as soon as he gets to you. You giggle, wrapping your arms around him and relaxing. “Have they been bothering you a lot?” Your boyfriend asks softly, and you swear you could get lost in his eyes when they lock with yours. You shake your head, grabbing his hand. “You know that’s not possible.” You’re right. No matter how much his friends tease him about you whenever they get the chance, they love you just as much as Kai does. He has to smile, remembering all the times they had told him how happy they were for him. 

“Right,” Kai mumbles quietly, his eyes on your hand holding his as you take him to his room. 

No matter how much time he spends with you, every moment and touch will always be as important to him as when you first got together. “Get a room!” Beomgyu yells, making Hyuka snap out of his thoughts. “Shut up!” He yells back at him, hiding his flushed cheeks as he follows you. 

You never need to do much with Kai to have fun. Honestly, you prefer not to do anything when you’re with him. Being able to relax after a long day with some lazy kisses and back rubs sometimes means so much more than having big plans. And today is no different. 

Kai tugs your hair behind your ear and pulls you in for a kiss as soon as he sits on his bed. You get comfortable on his lap, grinning into the kiss as you close your eyes. “You’re so pretty,” he mumbles against your lips. “I haven’t been in the shower yet. I’m all stinky,” you laugh, cupping his cheek. “Still beautiful,” he assures you, not wasting any time and pressing his lips on yours again, unable to get enough. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you whisper back with a smile.

⋆✶ izzy's tags @beomiracles @seoulzie @adel222 @inkigayocamman @flowzel @love-be0m @virgo-and-libra @hwanghyunjinismybae @liaatiny @minaateez ✶⋆ Want to get notified? Join taglist here !

[trashbucket-poetry]

I don’t think of you

Note: TW for the F-Slur, mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, manipulation. Men in general

For anyone from irl who thinks they know who I’m referring to- yeah it’s probably who you think it is xD not against confirming for you either just shoot me a text lmao

Anyway- enjoy!

I don’t think of you anymore.

Not of your guitar, not of mine in your hands.

I don’t think of your music, static with age, I don’t think of the way you eventually let me ruffle your hair, or the time you brought a pocket knife to my birthday and practiced throwing it at the tree in my yard.

I don’t think about the time you told me to jump out of a second story window - how you meant it - how I thought of listening.

Or the time you so easily explained that all my friends thought I was brain damaged, how you made it sound like I should be grateful for the sympathy that was your friendship - because nobody would be my friend unless they thought there was something wrong with me

Not the time you told me you were allowed to call me a faggot because you were bisexual

I don’t think about the way my best friend’s name sprayed like venom from your throat

How you blamed her for your acidic version of love. How you blamed her for refusing to let it burn her.

I don’t think of how the word “rape” was often paired with laughter, coming from you.

How it that moment you reminded me of another boy. Another boy with straight hair the colour of damp straw.

How you both only cared about me because I made myself so small that you could take up more space than you were due.

I don’t think about you.

But I am wearing the shirt your mother bought me for my birthday, because you couldn’t be bothered to get me a present, as I write this. It didn’t fit when you gave it to me, and I’ve never even watched Star Wars, but I wore it to sleep every night, convinced it was proof I had a friend who cared about me.

I found a video of you in my bedroom, the lights were red, your hands caressing my guitar. It was broken but you still made beautiful music with it.

I found pictures from our last days of school, I found your smile hidden in the background.

And I smiled too. And I didn’t remember the way you made me feel bad for existing too loudly.

I didn’t remember the way your mother did not recognize me when were met in the grocery store - or how I wasn’t scared of her, how I smiled when I saw her.

I have a bad habit of trusting boys made of flames with hair the colour of wet straw

But I do not think of them.

And I do not think of you.