#I’m part of a group chat with some friends from early high school we don’t really talk anymore but there’s been some talk recently and it’s

[child-of-iris]

Does anyone else ever just need a dose of serotonin so you go watch the Percy Jackson trailer until you feel at least a little better

No just me?

[woozivrse]

Hiding the Truth, Pretending I'm Fine

Jeon Wonwoo x gn! reader

Genre: Hanahaki AU, college AU, fluff, usual angst that comes with the AU, happy ending!

Words: 4k and some change!

Warnings: vomiting, doctors, surgery mention(doesn't happen! don't worry<3), implied depression? reader feels down and i kinda wrote it in a way that it could be read as depression..., death mentions(one a joke at the start, and the other being apart of the whole AU thing..., cursing, my ocs Mai and Kimi(ok my friends oc...) use different pronouns, Mai(She/He) and Kimi(She/They), blood

Notes: sooo... if you've read this before you are either 1) a friend i had read this for school or 2) you are my old english teacher, in which, hi. why are you here. please leave. please. aka i am repurposing this for tumblr, because i am pretty proud of it, meaning please be gentle on me. i am just a tiny tiny child. but tell me what you think! tell me if i missed any warnings, and stuff like that! also, stole the title from bittersweet. you'll see why! enjoy<3

You had been in love with Jeon Wonwoo for who knows how long, but you hadn't known it. Until you started coughing. You wish it had been easier.

❀DAY 1, SUNDAY 8:30AM, YOUR APARTMENT

“Ooh my baby,” You cooed. “How's my little baby~ Hm? How are you Hoshi? What about you Byeol~~ Thank you for the gift~~”

Kimiko, your high school friend slash roommate, burst into your room. “Stop being a crazy cat person! Get up and out, Wonwoo is waiting for you,”

“Already? I just woke up–”

“Oh, no he's not here, here. He's just waiting for you like, in general y'know?”

“Die,”

“Not how you talk to your bestest friend in the world,” She pouted.

“That would be Wonwoo,”

“Bestest roommate in the world?”

“Mai.”

“Fuck youuuu,”

❀9:25AM, ROCKET CAFE

Sitting down, Wonwoo placed an iced latte in front of you. Every Sunday, the two of you met at either the library or the cafe to plan your week out together. This week was the cafe. He stared at you, watching you work.

“Stop watching me, creep,” you grinned, tapping your foot against Wonwoo. “C’mon, I know I’m pretty ‘n all but you really should stop staring at me,”

“So full of yourself,” He teased. “You’ve got something, here I’ll get it.”

You rolled your eyes at Wonwoo pretending to fix your hair. Always trying to “fix” something, your hair, your clothes. You knew you weren't a messy person. What you didn't know was why Wonwoo did it. Sighing, you just let him fiddle with your hair. As he did that, you stole his phone, unlocking it to check his calendar for the week.

“Boo,” you pouted. “We barely match up this month, outside of class. Look! We don’t match this week and next week we match once, on Friday night,”

Seemingly done with your hair, he checked your planner. “Oh, you’re right. Isn’t that during the get together Cheol is holding?”

“Oh I think it is,” you sulked. “No free time for just us! Oh I am in pain, jail for a thousand years!”

He chuckled. “It’s fine, we can sneak some time in,”

“Not at a Cheol party. I’m gonna be tipsy and you’re probably going to be on babysitting duty,”

“Babysitting you,”

Grumbling, you stood from the chair and fell onto Wonwoo's shoulders like a lump of nothing, smacking him a little. Vernon, your mutual friend who worked at the cafe, took a picture and sent it to their group chat without the two of you, followed by a text saying “yo right in front of my salad?”. The group chat exploded with messages with variants of “they’re seriously not dating?” and one text from Joshua, one of the other workers at the cafe, saying “get back to work!!”.

❀DAY 4, WEDNESDAY 12:30PM, ON THE WAY TO CLASS

This, you decided early on in your college days, was your favorite part of college. Walking with Wonwoo to whatever class you two shared, was great(unless the two of you didn't share a class, in which he would walk you to whatever class you had after the two of you had lunch).

You looked at him, seeing him staring at you, again. “Hey, what's with you looking at me so often, huh?” You raised a brow. “What, do you like me or something?”

He smiled, “Sure, something like that,”

Your face warmed, you could just feel the heat go to your ears.

You whipped your head away from him before saying. “Oh– oh just shut it! Don't even joke about that, Wonwoo!”

And then you started coughing, which granted, the weather had been getting colder, but you started coughing hard. Leaning down, you started coughing into your elbow before pulling away and seeing… petals? Bloody, purple flower petals. You quickly grabbed them before shoving them into your pocket.

Wonwoo put his hand on the small of your back, rubbing it. “Woah, hey, are you alright? Do you need water, anything? I’ll take you home if you need,”

You nodded, your throat still feeling a little raw. “Um… yeah, water would be nice, please,”

He handed you his water bottle, yours being at home. “Here, just drink from it. I’m fine without it for now,”

You sent him an appreciative look before downing the water. “Okay, I think I’ll be good for class now,”

He looked at you, obviously worried. “If you're sure… but I’m taking you home if you start coughing like that again,”

❀1:47, CLASS

You started coughing again.

There was no reason for it, you had just caught Wonwoo once again looking at you weirdly, causing your heart to flutter just a bit before you had berated yourself, thinking, Stop it, stop it! He doesn't like me…he just doesn't. And then the coughing happened again.

It had been so bad that the professor had stopped class and asked if you had needed to go. Wonwoo answered that question by grabbing your stuff and taking you out of the class. Oh well, you thought, Guess going to that class was for nothing.

Once you had finished coughing, you again found bloody petals. What the fuck…

“Hey, are you sure you're okay?” Wonwoo looked really worried now, placing a hand on your forehead, then cheeks. “You certainly don't seem okay, but you’re not warm or anything,”

You shook your head. “I think it might be the weather. You know I get a little iffy around this time of year,”

He hesitantly accepted your reason, knowing it was true, just usually happened later in the year. He shrugged his jacket off, placing it on your shoulders. “Well, keep this on until we reach your place, I don't want you actually getting sick,”

❀2:07PM, YOUR APARTMENT

Sitting on your bed, your eyebrows scrunched up before you sighed. Just, what was happening to you? Coughing up flowers– that's something out of a storybook, not real life.

Your heart fluttered when you thought about Wonwoo, but why. Why was your heart doing this, why, why, why. Wonwoo was so sweet to you, that's why, you reasoned. Right? You…didn't like him, did you? You couldn't.

You started coughing, again. Running to the bathroom, you knelt over the toilet.

❀2:34PM

Kimi sang. “Your favorite dancer is home~”

Kimi stepped into the kitchen, dropping her bag into the floor, before calling your name. “Hellooo?”

Silence filled the apartment, which left Kimi worried. Walking through the hallway, Kimi knocked on your bedroom door, opening it when no noise happened. Nothing.

“What the…” Kimi muttered. “Ugh, where’d I put my phone… dance practice you thot!”

Dragging herself back to the kitchen, she shuffled through their duffel bag. Calling your phone, rings came from the bathroom. Making her way to the bathroom, Kimi barged in. There you were, in all your shitty, sweaty glory was you, throwing up into the toilet.

“Fuck!” Kimi dropped to her knees, rubbing your back. “You should’ve told us you were sick. One of us would’ve stayed home for you,”

You whined. “Kimi… it’s fine both of you were busy, I couldn’t let you guys stay home. Besides, this happened during class.”

“The one you have with Wonwoo?”

Nodding, you straightened. “Mm… he brought me home,”

“What happened?”

“I… um… started coughing up flower petals…” You muttered.

“You what?”

Sighing, you reached your hand into your pockets and brought out the bloody flower petals.

“What the– Why are they bloody!?”

“I started coughing these up,” You started to explain. “Look, they’re in the toilet bowl too. I… I asked Sayu, before I went into the bathroom, she said they were bittersweet or something like that…”

“You should go to the ER! Or at least the doctor– you don’t know what this is,”

“I will, I will. I was going to call her after this whole…fit,”

❀DAY 6, FRIDAY 1:15PM, SEOUL DOCTOR

“So, what’s the reason for this appointment?” Doctor Kim asked, checking the files in hand.

“Um…so the other day, Wednesday, I uh… started coughing flower petals,” You explained, pulling the petals out. “They were um, bloody.”

Clicking her tongue, Doctor Kim examined a petal. “Oh dear…I see,”

“Why’d it happened? How’d it even get in my body?”

Doctor Kim sighed, pulling up an article on the computer in the room. “I’m afraid there’s not much research on this. I’ve never personally seen it but I know doctors who have diagnosed it. We’re calling it hanahaki, from the Japanese words 花 and 吐く, flower and to vomit. We’ve noticed that it’s from unrequited love,” she glanced at you and then the flower petals, “Do you…do you love someone? Do you believe they don’t love you back?”

You played with your hair, suddenly the floor looking interesting. “Um…I…I guess,”

“You guess?”

“I do. I…kinda just realized it and then spiraled for a little. On Wednesday, when I first coughed them up.”

“I see. I’m going to give you options and I will definitely push you towards a specific one. But I want you to know that it is entirely up to you, what you want to do,” sighing, she leaned onto her knees. “You could confess, and if your feelings get reciprocated the flowers will leave your body through a few days. If they don’t, then your lungs will grow with flowers faster and you’ll suffocate. If you do, come to the ER immediately.

“The last option is surgery, we remove the flowers and any roots in your lungs. But it’s a complicated surgery, and if successful you lose all memories of said person and you’ll never feel anything for them ever again. It’s a last resort for a reason, and if you even think they return your feelings, confess. I mean it, you need to confess.”

❀DAY 8, SUNDAY 11:37AM, YOUR ROOM

Laying on your bed, you pulled your blankets over your shoulders, tucking yourself in. Getting up seemed to take up so much more energy these days, it was so much effort, effort you couldn't seem to put in.

Your phone rang, and you left it. It stopped for a few seconds before ringing again. You sighed as it stopped again. It pinged a few times, two followed by one more before your phone silenced. You couldn't bring yourself to check, even though you knew it was Wonwoo, you set his notifications to have a special ringer. You were just… tired.

Nonu ❙

Hey, are you okay?

??? Hello??? You always answer, are you sick??

??? I’m coming over.

❀12:42PM

Wonwoo knocked on your door, before opening it. Seeing you still tucked into your bed confused him.

“I know I've asked this a couple times, but are you okay?” He sat on your bed, patting your leg. “Hello? Have you not woken up just yet?”

You hummed lightly. “No…I’m tired,”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to be alone? You seem…well tired,”

You hummed again. He couldn't tell what you were feeling, facing away from him and barely saying anything.

“I’ll go, but I hope you feel better. I’ll get Mai and Kimi to take care of you,”

❀DAY 10, TUESDAY 11:23AM

Knocking on the door, Mai entered the room after a beat.

“You haven’t woken up yet?” She questioned, sitting on the bed. “You ok? I haven’t seen you wake up later than 9 since we were high schoolers,”

“Maiiii,” You whined. “I’m so TIRED, I can't even explain why!”

“The petals?”

“Of course, it's the– How do you know about them?”

He shrugged. “Kimi told me a little, sorry.”

“It's fine. I mean, you would've found out anyways,”

“Yeah, I would've. What happened, like why are they a thing? Kimi only mumbled something about petals and blood and purple– good color by the way,”

“I mean, the doctor said it's this stupid thing called hanahaki–”

“Like, hana as in 花, as in flower?”

“Uh, I think– STOP you're distracting me!” You jumped out from the covers.

“Yeah, but that got you out of bed. That was the goal~”

“You are the worst,”

Pulling you by the hands, Mai led you to the dining room.

“Our zombie lives!” cheered Kimi.

Flipping Kimi off, you pried yourself from Mai’s arms. “What was that for? I was gonna get out of bed eventually, it's only–”

“Only 11:23!” Kimi cut her off. “You are two hours late youngster!”

“To what?”

“To civilization! You have never–”

“Once woken up after 9, yes I am aware,”

“So you are aware we were worried, right?” Kimi huffed. “Now, eat! You are a growing child, no child of mine will starve!”

“I'm 20. We are the same age,”

“And,” Mai cut in. “I'm 21. I say you eat and get yourself freshened up. We are having a roommates day out,”

“What happened to my childhood friend,” you sulked.

“She has gone nowhere, I have always been your mother,” Mai chided. “Now eat, you actually look like a zombie,”

❀12:15PM, HALF MOON CAFE

“So, young child of mine,” Kimi started, placing the group’s order down. “Why have you been coughing up a storm, and why are there bloody flowers everywhere? You only mumbled something about them, and I want to know why!”

The three of them were in a small cafe they frequented often, mainly due to your part-time job there.

“Still can’t believe you guys got me here on my day off,” you sighed, playing with your drink. “It’s nothing. I already went to a doctor, she said it was ‘Hanahaki’ or something,”

“Hana as–”

“Yes hana as in 花, as in flower. Why did you both ask the same question?”

“I needed clarification,” Kimi shrugged. “But like, what’s the haki part? Like what even is hanahaki?”

“The haki is 吐く, like to vomit,”

“It’s a disease where flowers grow in your- in your lungs?!” Mai read from his phone, head whipping to you. “And you could die?”

“Not so loud– lord why did we go here,”

“I’m sorry– you’re upset I’m being loud? You could die, do not tell me to be quiet?”

You sighed, “Look, this is why I didn’t want to tell anyone! They get all dramatic, it’s not a big deal. It’s due to unrequited love, so all I have to do is unfall in love.”

“Uh, speaking as the person who’s in a committed relationship,” Kimi injected. “Impossibly hard. Like, I’m talking insanely hard. I mean–”

“We get it,” Mai said, cupping her face. “Look, it even took me a while to get over my first ex, and he stalked me! I’m with Kimi, there are easier ways to do this.”

“Except there’s not! It's either I unfall in love, confess, or get surgery! And, mind you, that surgery will remove all my memories of said person and remove all my feelings. It’s not like I can do that. I can’t lose someone I’m in love with– and I can’t lose my feelings! How am I supposed to live without being happy, or sad, or–”

“Then confess! They’ll reciprocate them, I’m sure.” Mai held your hands. “Please, I can’t lose you. We can’t lose you, you’re too important to us.”

“I am not confessing–”

“Confessing?” A voice cut in, Wonwoo. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“Wonwoo! No, no! I haven’t been avoiding you, I’ve–”

“Been busy.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, if this was over some guy, you could've told me. I would've gotten it and backed off,”

You stood up. “It is not! Look, we went over schedules– we were both booked! You cannot say I have been ignoring you,”

“Does that mean you can’t answer my texts? Or calls?” He argued, walking away from you and out of the cafe.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t do the same to me. How come you’re acting like I’m doing it on purpose!” You followed.

“I haven’t ghosted you, never for days on end!”

“Oh sure,” You stopped and rolled your eyes. “I’m not arguing about this, not in public,”

“Oh so you’re running away, like always?” Wonwoo turnt around. “Like you always do when something happens, like the coward you are?”

Your eyes watered as you stumbled back like you were struck. “Fine! Yes, I’m running away, just like you said! Just like I always have, according to you, but don’t you dare try to come talk to me.”

❀DAY 13, FRIDAY 7:37PM, CHOI SEUNGCHEOL’S APARTMENT

You and Kimi walked into Seungcheol’s party, being eagerly greeted by Kim Mingyu.

He cheered both of your names. “Let me get you drinks, come in! I’m not allowed to help you with your coats, Cheol is worried about me breaking something again.”

Laughing, Kimi pat him on the arm. “It’s fine! I’m here to be sober, drunk watch and all that,”

“Mai forced her to be my babysitter,” You sulked. “Like I’m gonna get drunk off my ass or something…”

Mingyu and Kimi gave each other a knowing look. Like you hadn't been upset since the fight. Kimi pushed you further into the house, hearing the chatter of the others. Mai and Kimi figured it was best to get you to talk to someone, and what better way than to get her drunk with friends?

❀11:34PM

Bad idea. Mai and Kimi both forgot one important thing about a drunk you. You were an emotional drunk. Meaning, right now? You were sobbing your ass off, drunk, over Wonwoo.

Kimi could barely understand you because you were muffled by–

“Fuck,” Kimi muttered, launching herself towards you. “Spit them out, I fucking mean it you drunk fuck. Spit. Them. Out.”

You listened. Saliva and blood covered petals fell into Kimi’s hand. You fell into Kimi’s arms, still sobbing.

“He hates me Kimi! He does. He hasn't talked to me in 3 days! The longest we’ve gone is probably around a couple hours! Never this long,”

Kimi sighed, petting your hair. It pained them all to see her like this.

“He doesn't hate you, yknow,” Mingyu said, also patting you on the back. “He’s just upset right now. He’s probably also crying right now,”

“I don't want him crying over me!” You sobbed even harder.

Seungkwan hit Mingyu away, clicking his tongue. “Ignore him, Mingyu’s dumb. We know this. Wonwoo’s upset, but he’s not crying. He's probably thinking about what happened and trying to figure out how to apologize to you,”

“But he doesn't have to apologize, I was the one being a bitch!”

“All of you leave her alone,” Jeonghan swatted everyone besides Kimi. “Sweetheart, honey, drink this,”

He handed you a cup of water, urging you to drink. You tried to drink it, but instead a full flower came out of her mouth.

“FUCK,” Kimi shouted. “Fuck fuck- where’s their phone? Hurry one of you, give it to me!”

Kimi dialed your doctor, explaining that you had actually coughed up a flower. “C’mon hun, c’mon. Get up, we have to visit someone,”

“What's happening?” Mingyu questioned. “Kimi– what was that? Why did a flower come out of their mouth? Kimi?”

“Don't, don't worry. Just call Mai for me, tell her we're at the hospital. She’ll know why,” Kimi explained. “Sorry to bring the mood down,”

“Don't be. Now go, go! It seems urgent,” Cheol pushed the two of you out of the apartment.

❀11:48PM, SEOUL HOSPITAL

Your doctor sighed, closing the door behind her and facing Kimi and Mai. “I’m to assume you two are their roommates, meaning they told one of you at least a little?”

“Uhm, yeah,” Kimi fidgeted. “She told me a little, just like, uh she was coughing flowers cuz of something called hanahaki? Uhm.. and that it was a disease caused by–”

“Unrequited love, yes. However, that’s not something we’re entirely sure about,”

“What do you mean, not entirely sure about? Did you tell her something incorrect about a disease that could kill her!?” Mai shouted.

“Yes and no,” Doctor Kim sighed. “Look, ladies, hanahaki is rare– we’re not sure about everything. But, there's a theory, that I have personally searched into, that it’s not unrequited love. More like, insecurity in the afflicted. The flowers, do you know what they are and what they mean?”

“Oh! Uhm, I think I remember our friend saying they were bittersweet? And that they meant truth? Truthfulness?”

“Then, there. They likely need to tell the truth, if the theory holds up. Either way though, one of you should get whoever they’re crushing, or in love with, here as soon as you can. I will make an exception for you three, and only you three, to be here after hours if they have not gained consciousness. The other should stay with them. I don't want any surprises,”

❀11:57PM

“Where are they!?” Wonwoo bursted into the hospital lobby.

Ignoring the onlooking staff, he went straight towards Mai.

“Mai, you cannot call me, say my best friend is in the hospital, and then not give me context,” he said, holding the dead tired girl by the shoulders.

“You hung up on me right after I said they were here! I’m not calling you back and getting you into an accident– we do not need that! Now, come. I'll bring you to them, your job is to get them to actually tell you the truth. I don't care what it takes, they have to.”

Leading the barely taller man, Mai opened the door to your hospital room. Pulling Kimi out, Mai quickly pat you on the head with a quiet, “Confess,”

“Wonu?” You croaked.

“Hey,” He sat on the edge of her bed. “What happened? Why are you here– why have you been avoiding me? I thought we told each other everything,”

He looks heartbroken, you thought, heart clenching at it. “It- it wasn't your fault, Wonu. I just- if I told you, I’d lose you. I can’t do that,”

“But you're here, in a hospital. Mai said you could die. Why do you think I can live without you?”

“I-”

“Please. You’re my best friend, I can’t lose you,”

Bursting into tears, you sobbed. “Exactly! I’m your best friend, that's all I’ll ever be! Wonwoo, have you ever thought I wanted to be more than friends with you?”

“Wh–”

“It’s you, it has always been you! I just had a shitty way of finding out, and now I’m dying! I don't want to die. I want to live out my life with you, and Mai, and Kimi, and and just– everyone! But if I get the surgery I lose my best friend– the love of my life! It's either I lose you by confessing, or I lose you by forgetting you, or I lose everyone by dying! I don't want this–”

“Hey, hey,” Wonwoo wiped the tears from your face. “Who said you’d ever lose me? Remember, I will always be here for you. Always. Besides, I’ve loved you ‘since forever’. You have nothing to fear,”

Your eyes overflowed with tears, and your mouth, flowers. Calling a doctor, Wonwoo was quickly kicked from the room. Worried, he quickly walked to the lobby.

“Wonwoo!” Kimi exclaimed, bouncing anxiously towards him. “Where- where are they? Why are you out here?”

“Well, I got kicked out. We confessed but then they started coughing again and–”

“You finally confessed? Like, for real none of that ‘I love you, as a friend’ bullshit?”

“Yes– why is that what you're focusing on? They started coughing flowers again, Kimi,”

“I know, I know, but I’ve been waiting for this since I met you two. That was our first year of high school!”

“Stop fighting you two,” Mai butt in. “What happened? Why are you out here?”

❀DAY 14, SATURDAY 12:21AM

After explaining everything, the three of them went to hunt Doctor Kim down. Meaning, they were waiting outside of your room.

Walking out of your room, Doctor Kim turnt around and jumped. “Oh, you three scared me. Sorry, sorry. I should’ve told you to go home. But, they're fine. They’re resting now, you can visit when the hospital opens up again and you can see them then,”

“We can’t leave her!” Kimi whisper shouted, still aware of the fact that you were likely sleeping.

“No, you can’t but you will. I understand you’re scared about them, but they’ll be fine. They’ll have to stay here for another few days, but it’s just so we can monitor them. You can visit, but only during visiting hours. Now shoo, you are college students here on a Saturday,”

❀1:19PM, YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM

Wonwoo walked into the room, with a bouquet of aster flowers. Chuckling Wonwoo put them on the bedside table.

“Sorry, I know it’s a little soon,” Wonwoo sat. “but I asked your friend, um, Sayu? She said you thought they were pretty, the flowers, that is. Aster, she called them.”

You laughed softly. “It’s ok Wonu, they’re lovely. I love them, thank you,”

He smiled. “I’m glad. I know we only just established everything but I want to ask, can I be your boyfriend?”

You laughed, and Wonwoo pouted at that. “Sorry, sorry I’m not laughing at you. Never at you. Yes, of course you can be my boyfriend. Why’d I ever say no, I don’t know.”

THE END<3

[babyhoney]

hello again, rpc echo chamber, 

and happy 4/20. the original post i made was last month, and damn. it. is. dry. so, i do feel i’m speaking into some sort of void, but here goes. i’m still searching for writing partners because, someday, i’d love to publish my work. rping strengthens those muscles. i don’t write much fiction outside of rping, but my voice is pretty distinct, and i love building new universes.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. ・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

i’m 24 and i use discord & telegram to write these stories. here is a sample of my writing. 

i write as a woman, and i'm looking for someone to write as Harry Styles. some of my ideas involve just using his name and/or face claim if you're more comfortable with this.

some little things about writing with me:

i am an adult and write adult content. i will not write with anyone who’s not an adult.

i am going through some human things in my human life outside of writing, but i will do my best to let you know if i won’t be online because of it. 

i’d appreciate if we could discuss triggers/preferences before we begin.

i like being friends/chatting ooc with my writing partners. i suppose this isn’t a requirement but a preference.

instead of making separate plot posts for each idea i have, I'll summarize them here and you can like or reach out about the ideas you want to write!

and if we want to create from scratch, that's cool, too.

so, here are some plots that have been stirring in my brain recently:

she’s the boss — my muse and Harry are coworkers; she’s 25 and he’s 30. he’s in a senior role at a creative studio, where her boss reports to him. he’s an eternal bachelor and has no plans of settling down; she’s among the most talented new hires and they are extremely attracted to each other. their environment is somewhat laid back yet maintains corporate elements—but going out as a group is a huge part of their culture. when the night ends in sex, he makes it clear this can only be physical, and she agrees not to jeopardize her work situation. but he likes her. he thinks she’s mind-blowing, and it’s hard to impress him. she melts whenever she sees him, hears him, feels him. everyone at work suspects they’re fucking but no one knows for sure—he won’t confirm or deny. as they grow more domestic, jealousy arises for each party at the realization they're both free to do as they please—"the problem is you're here with him, and it's bothering me, and i don't like that it's bothering me." apple cheeks — she’s a budding creative director at a fashion house or record label. she's living between London and LA, building her portfolio and network, and creating genuine connections. she's quick-witted, grounded, creative, and talented—revered for her fairy-like aura when she meets new humans. she attends a private after-party in LA with her friend who knows the venue’s owner. still getting used to being around a more elite crowd, she doesn't view herself as more or less than any of them. to her, they're all humans—including Harry, who approaches her. mutual curiosity and warm banter ignite between them; there's an immediate, evident attraction, but her friend has to head out early, and she won’t let her leave alone. she lingers on Harry's mind. weeks later, she joins her friend at one of Harry's shows. he isn't expecting to see her, but when he does, he's locked in. his eyes are on her—her dancing, her aura, her being — “i apologize if i seem a bit distracted this evening…” melted — Harry is a Patrick Verona type—only out of high school, in the real world. he’s a fine artist and bartender/dealer, a dichotomy mirroring the depths of his intellect. tattooed, tight-lipped, and taunting, New York City is his playground. he finds ecstasy in the short-lived highs of orgasm to a hit—and he has plenty of each. he’s not looking for anything when she stumbles into the bar with her girlfriends, but he can’t exactly look elsewhere once she’s arrived. her fiancé, away on business, can’t make her climax if his life depended on it—and while she may be marrying into his shit load of money, she wouldn’t say she’s happy. she finds Harry’s stern exterior somewhat hilarious, especially since she’s had a few. but his ice melts with her fire, and she can’t remember the last time she’s wanted to taste someone’s mouth so much.

[stuck-in-hypna]

First of Summer

Niki x OC | Oneshot | Highschool AU | Oneshot

The first day of summer, the first day of our story...

-Niki's POV-

Today marks the last day of junior year and I’m all set for summer, nothing specific is planned though, just enrolled in some review classes for the upcoming college ability test this November.

For tonight though, it’s the dreaded junior-senior prom. As per the school’s tradition, this is like a send-off for the seniors while welcoming the juniors into semi-adulthood.

I, myself, don’t like these social functions—even my friends are all going with their respective dates. I didn’t ask anyone though; it wasn’t deemed necessary. I’m just going since this is the last time I’ll see my favorite seniors, especially Heeseung hyung.

Heeseung hyung took care of me since freshman year—when I first joined the dance club. He also introduced me to his friends who were part of it, and that made it easier for me. Although, I think, being part of that caused a rift between me and his sister, Lee Serin.

Serin has been my best friend growing up—we were basically friends since kindergarten. I didn’t know what happened, but I’m guessing that it’s because we had different interests, we just drifted apart.

The chats in the hallway were reduced to nods until it came to a point that we were completely ignoring each other.

She became popular, and probably her head ballooned with it. She’s untouchable, especially when her brother is the ever-so-famous Lee Heeseung.

Her friends are also the worst; everyone feared their little group, even the club knew how Heeseung hyung’s sister is problematic—how she’s such a spoiled brat, how she has a bigger allowance than him and an even better car which was gifted to her by their parents on her 16th birthday.

Speaking of, there she is now at one of the Science labs. Classes have been dismissed early today due to the event this evening, I wonder why she’s still here when everyone must be in their respective homes, getting ready or doing some last-minute touch-ups.

Unfortunately, I was assigned cleaning duties today, which explains why I’m still here. She, on the other hand looked glum, and she sat on one of the stools just outside the lab.

Now the problem is, how can I make her leave?

"Excuse me..." I approached her in the nicest way possible, "Lee Serin-ssi, I would need the stool so I can lock up the lab."

"I'm sorry?" she said with an automatic high-pitched voice. It's more or less 3 years since I last called her by her name, or rather talked to her.

"I said-" I was ready to repeat what I said, but she cut me off.

"I heard you.” she said icily. "Do I look like I’m deaf?" she gave me a disgusted look that says nobody shoos her away.

"Of course not, I wasn’t implying anything!" I said as if it was the most obvious thing to say. Maybe she still made me speechless, maybe because I still think she looks like a goddess. Okay, so nobody knew I liked her before.

Without another word, she stood up and kicked the stool away from the both of us, the loud clang sounded through the empty corridors.

"Thanks." I said in a non-sarcastic voice, but somehow it still annoyed her since she gave me a piercing look. "Did you need something else?" I asked as I looked at her in the same manner.

She just shook her head as response.

"Good. The place is empty, let me walk you to the parking lot. It's not safe here." I offered, and to my surprise, she agreed.

We walked silently for the first few steps, but I had the urge to start a conversation, "are you excited about the prom later?"

"I'm not..." she was too quick to reply accompanied by a frown.

"Why? You're probably going to be the prom queen..."

She became quiet for a minute as she sat on one of the benches that were near the school’s parking lot. "How can you be excited when the people voting for you don't even respect you?"

"What do you mean?" I sat beside her. It somehow reminded me of those times when all we did was kill time in each other’s backyard. "Of course, they respect you..."

"More like scared of me!” She scoffs, “That's why they're voting. This may sound too narcissistic but I know I'm the most envied girl in school, but at the same time, I know I'm the most hated." A sigh escaped her lips. "What about you? Were you planning to root for me at all?"

"Of course..." it wasn't a lie per se. I was indeed going to vote for her, and I think she's the prettiest of all the nominees.

"For what reason? A prom queen should be someone to represent the school in a good way, not because she's popular or the most envied one, or maybe just because she's rich. She should affect the people's lives in a positive manner, not bully them..."

"You affect them... but only, they get terrified!" I couldn't help but laugh at my lame joke, she did too.

“I know how my brother’s life is a living hell because of me and I know how excited he is so he can stay away from me when he goes to University—he must’ve ratted out how much of a bitch I am..”

She was right, Heeseung hyung had non-stop complained about her since she had this new set of friends. Telling us how they were all a bunch of useless brats that can’t do anything. I’m just surprised that she wasn’t affected.

"Nishimura Riki... Do you even want to go to the stupid prom?" she asked when I didn’t say anything. Serin mentioning my name again, after so long, made me feel giddy. It was the only thing that I needed to realize that I missed her, a lot. I shrugged as I glanced at her.

"Let's play hooky!" she said with a big grin. “Uhm, you don’t have a date, right?”

"I don’t have a date. But for real?"

"Yes! But I'm going to be dead for sure if Heeseung oppa finds out I didn't attend."

"I have an idea..." I offered, as she was all ears. "What if we don't skip the prom, just be late? What do you say?"

"Sounds like a plan. We're going to be fashionably late!" she giggled. "Come on, let’s head home first so you can change into your tux, and I can wear my ridiculous dress.”

We each rushed home, to prep for the evening. Both agreeing to see each other at 6:30, an hour and a half from now.

Mom thought I was excited about the prom as she took thousands of pictures. I was already frowning big time, but she still finds it adorable. Kept asking who my date was and didn't believe a single thing I said when I said I didn't have a date.

Oh great! There's one thing I forgot to ask, her number! Of all the things that I had to forget, it was this one essential thing.

I’m arguing with myself internally on whether to call Heeseung hyung or not. To call him and risk getting interrogated, or to wait for some miracle to happen and waste time?

My phone then rang, showing an unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Niki... it's me, Serin." the voice on the other line replied.

"I was about to call Heeseung hyung to get your number." I laughed.

"I stole your number from his phone..." she said proudly. "So where are we going to meet?"

"Shall I pick you up?" I offered. "But I have to tell you, the car I’m driving is an older model, you may not want to be seen in something old and beat up!” I teased.

"It doesn’t matter, to be honest. I actually don’t care. I just asked my parents for my car so I can piss off Heeseungie oppa!" That surprised me, as I expected another reason. This made me grin unknowingly, my mom looking at me weirdly.

I faced the opposite side just so she wouldn’t see my face, "Great, I'll be there in 20 minutes."

We both hung up as I made my way to the car, trying to avoid any more conversation with my mother.

This is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date. I kept repeating this to myself as I didn’t want to assume. It’s even more surprising that she didn’t have a date for the prom. 

It took me less than 20 minutes to reach their place, have I driven too fast?

Serin was wearing a light blue dress, the hem of the skirt flowed just above her knee, paired with a strappy high-heeled sandals which looked uncomfortable. The whole outfit she put together was not on the conservative side, but on her, it looked elegant. Breathtaking, in fact. She really is.

As a courtesy of course, I got off my car after I parked it, and I can tell that Heeseung hyung was surprised to see me.

"I didn't believe that you’re her date... I thought she was lying!"

"I told you oppa, I'm going with Niki..." she whined like a little kid. Cute.

"It's better that you go out with him since he's a close junior, just don't give him a headache, please. It’s already embarrassing enough to be your brother!" he scolded her. "Niki, take care of my sister, and I'm hoping that you’ll be patient enough with her. " He both pushed us lightly to my car, and we waved our goodbyes before leaving.

"Where are we going?" She was pretty excited when she asked.

"I have no idea..." I confessed. I didn't plan the whole thing, since I wasn't really good at stuff like this. She must've sensed my hesitation when she spoke.

"It's okay, lets grab some takeout first and then I know this place..."

We chatted like old friends as we drove, she was nothing like the Park Serin that everyone knew from school, tonight, she was just the fun-loving, silly girl that I used to be friends with.

After we got the food, she instructed me to drive until we reached a secluded place, which was overlooking the city. The air was fresh, far from the city's pollution.

"I often go here when I feel like my life is useless..." she stated. We were both sitting in my car's hood, looking at the city lights, "this place is like my sanctuary..."

She continued to speak without inhibitions, "When we were in our last year of middle school, I felt the pressure. I started to change without even knowing it until it came to the point that I got lost, and I didn't even know who I was... and after talking to you today, I was reminded of how happy I was back then... so thank you."

Dumbstruck was the perfect word to describe me at this moment, I didn't know what to say. This was the person that I fell in love with before. She was the Serin that I knew... the one I’ve always admired.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she tilted her head, her clueless expression was so inviting.

And this made me realize that I never really stopped liking her. I just became contented with looking at her from afar.

"Nothing..."

"Oh come on!"

"It's just that..." I didn't finish my sentence, instead, I touched her cheeks, then slowly lowered my face to hers and kissed her. I can tell that she was shocked at first, but she slowly reciprocated.

"I've always wanted to do that..." I admitted, "but I never had the chance."

She rested her head on my shoulder, "you should've done that before... I needed a wakeup call.”

"Are you kidding? You were so high and mighty in school, I even thought you forgot about me.

"Well... not really, but the people around me made me feel like I had no life back then. I hate the idea that I had to give in with peer pressure. And I had this tiny crush on you, I thought you should know." She lowered her voice into a whisper.

“What? Can you speak a bit louder please?”

She hit my arm softly, and I knew she was shy about it, but still it was fun to tease her this way.

"It's okay babe, at least we're good now... and if you must know, I like you before too, and I still do.” That confession made her smile, “I wish we can just stay here…”

"Idiot, we can't. We still must go to the prom..."

I frowned, "Why?"

"Because I want to show you off!"

---

Time passed by so quickly that when we got to the prom, it was just in time for the announcement of the prom king and queen. The school principal was the one who announced it, but it wasn't Serin.

We were standing in the middle of the crowd, giving applause along with the rest of the students, I initially thought that Serin would be disappointed, but I was wrong--she was smiling from ear to ear with a look of contentment plastered on her pretty face

"Serin! I thought you wouldn’t make it!" one of her friends approached us, "What are you doing with him?" The said friend looked at me from head to foot, repulse evident in her eyes.

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?" Serin snapped, "and Niki is my date. Now if you'll excuse us."

“Was that okay?” I probed as she dragged me to the dance floor, “I mean she’s still your friend…”

“Ah, the friend that spreads baseless rumors about me.” She then wrapped her arms around my neck as we found our spot and started slow dancing as Butterfly by The Boyz started playing.

She tiptoed a little and gave me a kiss on my right cheek and smiled. I panicked internally when I realized that we were in front of the whole senior class, and I was right when I saw Heeseung hyung and the others looking at me, equally astounded but quietly cheering me on.

“Heeseung hyung is going to kill me!” I muttered and when she heard she looked around, instantly finding her brother staring at the both of us, arms crossed, as if waiting for an explanation.

“Oh he’ll live with it!” she rolled her eyes and gave me another kiss, this time on the lips. “I want to see him try though!”

This is going to be the most interesting summer of my life!

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

| Home | Masterlist |

[dixie-the-pixie]

Story time.

Before i moved away to my states capital after covid shutdown my middle school, i had a small friend group made up of genuinely horrible people. After i moved, i made the decision to stop being friends with them, as i was having a period of self discovery and realized i didn’t want to be associated with them anymore.

My Freshman year was 100% virtual, so i had very limited contact outside of my immediate family. As you could guess, i didn’t have any friends.

Sophomore year and i’m back in school. In person, this time. And i’m very overwhelmed; i don’t do too well with new environments and hundreds of people. As such, i have a very hard time making friends, with most of my “friends” barely hiding their hatred for me. It doesn’t get better from here.

Junior year. The first three months i was still in my states capital. Come October, however, and i move back to my “hometown”. My first day back and i’m already a part of a main group, even being added to a group chat. In the span of two weeks, i went from having 0 friends to having about 20. All of these new friends, and yet none of them had seen me in years, and none of my middle school friends were among them. Remember, i’ve never really been friends with these people, i don’t know anything about them, and likewise they with me. This was October.

Over the next few months, the group would start drifting apart, but i wouldn’t pay it any mind. Then on presidents’ day, a group of us went to see a movie together and got lunch after. While they talking, they get to talking about the friend group and it’s future (i’m not really talking, i’m more thinking about how little i actually fit in with everyone). They’re all talking about how the group members there had either already split or were planning on splitting up with the other members of the group. And at this point, i’m feeling kind of like an outsider, like i’m in this liminal space where i’m friends with all of them, but also like i’m closer to the group i was with then than the other.

Fast forward to March, and i’m at my mid-semester concert for high school band. I’m enjoying myself, having fun surrounded by people i’m friends with. Then, suddenly, without warning, one of the friends leaves the friend group chat. I was the last person to send anything to the chat, and i assume they left because of me, so i deleted the thing i sent. For the record, it was a picture of one of the other members dad, it was a little in joke we had. Eventually i would talk to other people still in it, and i would eventually leave the group chat as well.

At this point, the group is completely split up. And i’m in the middle, friends with both groups while also not being friends with anyone. It makes sense, they were all closer with each other than they were with me, i had been in the group for less than 6 months at this point.

The school year ends, and i spend the summer isolated from my friends. It’s also during the summer that one of the members of the group, a 23 year old who was friends with mainly high school girl, is outed as pedophile, actively in a relationship with one of the groups members. When i find out, i make a snapchat story post about it, to which the person asks me to delete. When i say no, they take it personally and stop talking to me entirely. The only irl interaction i have with any of them is a short conversation with one person when they stumbled upon me taking a walk through town.

The 2023 marching season starts, and i along with my friends are in marching camp. It’s here where i learn of the existence of a group chat between some of the former members of the friend group and some other people. i think nothing of it, i wasn’t as close with that group anymore. Its fine.

Senior year. Early on i learn that the other group has also made a new group chat, with new members. I don’t know when this group was created, only that i was not a part of it. It’s at this point that i start to think something of it, and it starts creeping into my mind that i have fewer friends than i thought. I try to ignore it. Eventually, i break off completely from the worse former members, at the same time that they rekindle their friendship with one of the other former members. I think nothing of it. Luckily i’ve made a new group of friends, and i finally feel like i’ve found a good friend groups. I spend more time with my new friends, and everything is fine.

This is how it goes for most of the rest of the year. i know i’m drifting from my old friends, but i’m okay with it. I graduate, and all is well.

I thought.

Since graduation, i’ve seen my friends once. I’ve had little convos with one of them, often only a few messages. the other i haven’t seen or talked to in over a week, complete radio silence. i don’t know if it’s something i did, or if he just needs some space.

So let’s recap. In three years i went from having 0 friends, to twenty, to maybe three. It hasn’t been great for my mental health, let me tell you.

Hi tumbler, this is secret lore only you guys get to see. This part isn’t going on my instagram. @dixie_.the._pixie #always be plugging. anyway i made this because i saw a post in the r/aspiememes subreddit and it made me think about my friendships. No tags on this one, too personal. that might be ironic, but i don’t care.

[kiss-me-muchoo]

Myself p.2

Klitz x fem!reader

Warnings: Not really, more cringe and fluff crap

Part 1

(I don’t have to say it but, no proofread again, my head hurts and I’m halfway asleep valevergaaa)

___________________________________________

Every night, Klitz holds his phone so tight, extremely tempted to call you and talk to you. But he knew you would not answer.

After some days, none of the guys had spotted you at school, but they knew you were there, cause in the student news they heard about you winning another award for the school in a writing contest.

On Thursday, they finally could see you; but it turned out to be very unexpected. You were with the popular guys, they knew you talked with a few, but never actually spent time with them. You were using a jeans skirt with a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie, some black thighs that made you look pretty and hot. The tripod was at the lockers when they noticed you were walking with the group by the hallway, leaving them in shock when you completely ignored them, even when you were just a few inches from them while passing by them.

“She’s really mad at us…” Matt said closing his locker.

“Remember, she said she didn’t want to be our friend anymore” Klitz huffed tired, looking at your back while you disappeared from their sight.

“I miss her…” concluded Eli. Klitz didn’t say anything but he was the most miserable at that moment, he loved you so much.

…

Most of the days you ended up crying because you missed your friends, but they seemed to be okay without you, especially Klitz, he hadn’t said anything to you. You hoped he would at least apologize, it didn’t matter if he didn’t correspond to your feelings, you just missed having him in your room while you painted your nails and he brushed your hair.

You loved him, but he was your best friend, your other half, and it was so painful that everything ended up because of their immaturity, well, the tripod’s immaturity. You started to hang out with the popular kids, and they were cool jerks. You smiled when you remembered they were starting to make you feel good. You could survive without the tripod.

On the last day of school, Klitz approached you in the lockers, you were cleaning up everything, realizing it was your last day of high school.

“Hey…” the tall guy said, you only lifted your gaze, but didn’t look him in the eye.

“Listen… We need to talk. You have to know that…” he started, but you were very nervous and still very angry. He said you were ugly, that no one would ever fuck you.

“There’s nothing to talk about, have a good day” and just like that, you walked away.

He noticed the crack in your voice, you wanted to cry just by his presence, he was already feeling terrible.

..

You weren’t contradicting yourself. You didn’t like to be the girl with the hottest dress, but you were feeling sexy in your prom dress. It perfectly hugged your body, making you feel confident. You felt like a model of the ’50s, classy and hot.

The jerks you now called friends, decided to randomly assign couples, you were like six or eight guys, some boys paired together, you paired with one of the girls. The ride to the prom was fun, you even forgot about Klitz and all the drama from past weeks, but deep down you wondered if he was bringing some date.

As every year, the school gym had some purple lights, some boys poured alcohol into the punch, and the most irritating girl from the school was like a rabid animal waiting for the crown.

You didn’t notice the tripod anywhere, so you decided to not pay attention to anything related to them, this night it was about you and your friends. In the first part of the party, you were seated laughing with the girls, and there’s when everyone turned to the entrance to see your ex-best friends walking with some girls who looked like they were in their early 30s, you knew it, those were Danielle’s friends.

You laughed a little, and your boyfriends came over to the table.

“Hey those weren’t the assholes you chatted with?” asked Connan. You nodded laughing.

“Those girls look like cheap porn stars”

Because they are, you thought. It was probably mean, but you find it funny that your friends were bullying them instead of praising them for bringing a “sexy” date.

“Yeah, they think they’re cool for that” You said as you stood up.

“Well, they made you feel bad, so fuck they”

When your friend said that, you smiled. Yeah, screw them. Grabbing two of your friends, you said it was time to dance.

On the other hand, Klitz was feeling so irritated, that he even screamed at Eli when he saw Danielle’s friends, he wanted to ask you to go with him to prom. Now you were going to think that you were dating this girl, or fucking her.

“No way, is that _____?”

Eli asked in shock. Klitz immediately turned around looking up for you. That’s when he saw you dancing, you looked happy.

He felt wrong because you were always right, you didn’t need to change anything about yourself to be prettier. If one day you wanted to feel hot, you will, if another day you want to wear all black, you’ll look beautiful.

“We have to apologize, I already filmed your stupid video, now you help me. She doesn’t want to even see us, she hates us”

Klitz wouldn’t survive if you didn’t forgive him that night. Eli rolled his eyes but nodded, but he also wanted to apologize, he had missed you so much.

…

“Dude, she’s going to the restroom”

When Klitz heard Eli’s words, they ran to the woman’s restroom. Matt and Danielle were already outside.

“She’s alone…”

You were pulling down your dress again before going out to wash your hands. One of your friends poured some vodka on your drink, and even though you weren’t drunk, you felt tipsy, very relaxed.

You didn’t watch anyone around you, but suddenly you felt someone covering your eyes.

“Hey, what the fuck?”

You almost screamed, feeling confused.

“Sorry dear, but some girls are coming and we can’t talk here”

That was Matt’s voice. What the fuck?

Someone carried you because you weren’t on your feet. You felt so insecure but at the same time, you knew you weren’t on the verge of dying.

“Put me down!, What the fuck is going on?”

The air outside was notable, that’s when you felt nervous. Suddenly you were half seated on the lap of someone, and finally, you could see your captors.

“Oh god no, you again?” You complained about looking at your ex-best friends, but you were low-key blushing so hard because you were partially on Klitz’s lap.

“I’m sorry, _____. But these assholes have more to say” You were on a car, Eli was in the driver seat, and you were in the back with Klitz. Matt was outside talking to you.

“What?…”

Eli drove away and you started to feel angry.

“This is madness. It’s illegal!, you’re kidnapping me” When you tried to move away from Klitz, he put his arm around your stomach.

“Let go, asswipe” Eli laughed but as he started to reach the streets from downtown, he started speaking.

“Listen, we’re sorry, like a lot. We’ve missed you so much, we didn’t mean to make you cry or anything, _____” you stopped moving, listening to him.

“You were right, you don’t have to change anything of you to feel better. And we don’t think you should, we were pricks”

“Yeah, just three immature pricks who only think about sex, which is disgusting”

“Don’t worry, that’s over” was the first thing Klitz said. You looked at him briefly, rolling your eyes.

“I will talk to you privately…” He whispered in your ear, you shivered slightly.

“Yeah? well, does any of this explain why you are practically kidnapping me” crossing your arms you waited till Eli pulled over to some gas station. He parked the car and turned to you.

“I’m sorry, ____. We’re best friends, remember?” You sighed. Probably they felt sorry enough to leave their older dates at the prom.

“Fine, but if you ever make me feel like this again, I’m taking your car and crashing it in some tree, and then I will blame you, sue you and make sure you end up in jail,” you said seriously looking at the boys. Both nodded laughing.

“I’m going to put some gas and grab some snacks. Then we’re going to… I don’t know where” Eli got out of the car and walked to the store.

“So…”

“So, I’m sorry. You should know that I’ve loved you too since freshman year” you turned around to see Klitz. He didn’t look like he was joking, he was serious.

“You love me, but you said in my face that I was so ugly that nobody would fuck me” even though you didn’t want to make it obvious, it was hurtful.

“Gosh, I know, I was kidding. I love your outfits, you look gorgeous with everything you put on” he wanted to grab your hand, he slowly taped your knuckles and you ended up interlocking your fingers.

“Well, that’s not a viable joke to make to the girl you supposedly love, Klitz,” you said ironically, and the boy collected some confidence to hug you tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please, could you forgive me?”

Maybe it was the beautiful disaster you were feeling on your chest, the way his hair looked, his pretty pleading face, you love him, he loves you, what could go wrong.

Klitz was in shock when you passionately kissed him. He corresponded it immediately, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer. Your smile grew bigger as you deepened the kiss, and were properly seated on his lap. Nothing could compare to you; that convention was full of beautiful girls, Danielle’s friends were hot, but neither of them was you. This was love, and for him, that was a lot more.

“Oh no, you’re already fucking?” You started laughing as you pulled away from Klitz. Eli throw some snacks in the passenger’s seat and looked at you.

“That was kind of fast. Are you dating now?”

“Possibly,” Klitz said and you giggled.

“Well, whose parents are not home tonight?”

“My house is free. And there are pajamas for everyone”

Your mother loved the boys, and your father tolerated them, they would be pleased to know that you were friends again, and maybe even more.

…

Eli was in charge of choosing a movie to see, while you were in your room with Klitz, kissing again as you removed your makeup.

“You look like a baby without makeup” slightly punched his arm, and you kissed his forehead.

“I love you”

“I love you too”

Putting your pajamas on, you grabbed your camera and without letting him notice, you took a picture of him.

“Hey!”

“It’s for my scrapbook, shut up”

“For our grandchildren?” You burst in laugh. Taking his hand to join Eli.

“I don’t know how babies are made” you innocently lied.

“I can show you” you blushed. But pinched Klitz’s arm.

“Careful cowboy. I might know more than you”

Klitz was totally in love, you were naturally perfect for him.

——————————————————————

Taglist: @ghoulsgraveyard // @am-3-thyst // @klaire-jinx

Part 3 is gonna be more drama and angst.

[tinycatholicbean]

Lmao Catholics aren't oppressed. Catholics oppress protestants! Catholics want to play the victim like so many anti Christian sjws.

This has been in my drafts for a very very long time, and it is highly unlikely at this point that you’ll ever read my response to this Anon, but I want to thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your message sooner. If you ever do see this, I would love to know why you feel this way so we can talk about it as brothers and sisters in Christ. If you want to talk about it, my inbox is open both for asks and for chat! I promise I’ll have better turn around time from now on. I feel like open, honest, and loving dialogue makes the Christian community stronger

That said, I’d like to talk about my experiences as a disabled Catholic American, and the experiences of people I know a little.

The oppression my family has experienced as American Catholics is quite minor compared with what some people experience. For example, we have never had to worry about being killed by the government for our beliefs like many Christians in China do. But we found out my father’s Protestant grandmother, who helped raise him and his siblings, died when another relative called to tell us we were specifically banned from attending her funeral in the early 2000s because of my father’s conversion to Catholicism. My maternal grandparents were nearly disowned by their Protestant parents when they converted to Catholicism in the 1960s. The older Sisters at my Catholic high school remember the time the KKK had to be chased off of school property because their night time cross burning was scaring the girls (some of whom were as young as five) who lived there back when it was a boarding school.

I’ve been asked to leave non-denomination Christian events after answering honestly when a Baptist asked which denomination I was a part of. At no point did I try to convince anyone to convert, or get into any arguments with anyone, I just chose not to lie when asked.

I’ve had people routinely ask what denomination I’m a part of when I’m out in public with my cane, and tell me God would heal me if I left Catholicism and became a “true Christian” (so far I’ve had two Baptists, three Evangelicals, one Methodist youth group, and one Lutheran do this- not including the people who don’t tell me their specific denomination but make despairing comments about Catholics while doing this).

My Baptist neighbors went from people I would routinely have friendly conversations with and exchange baked goods with to refusing to acknowledge my existence when we see each other after finding out I was Catholic. And all of this is to say nothing of my secular friends and family’s comments and actions when they find out I believe in all that the Catholic Church teaches.

Despite all of that, I’ve had more positive experiences with my Protestant brothers and sisters than negative and I love them dearly even if we don’t always agree on certain aspects of theology! I love you as well Anon, and I hope wherever you are and whatever you’re doing that the Lord our God blesses you and keeps you. That the Lord lets His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; that the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace!

[emeren]

speed racer- eren jaeger

pairing: eren jaeger x fem!reader 

word count: 6k

content warnings: nsfw, smut, 18+, smoking, degradation, overstimulation, breeding (w/o baby talk) 

notes: 100% inspired by the official art, like mmm yes please. also i know absolutely nothing about how car racing works, but that’s not important. this is unedited because my brain turned to mush writing it. enjoy!! <3

SUMMARY: eren’s a semi-professional car racer, who has a tumultuous friendship with the reader. after losing a race, eren sets out to win something else in his life, much to the reader’s surprise. 

“took you long enough!” sasha called out, holding her hand above her eyes in an attempt to block out the bright sun. you dished her a smile, weaving your way through the throngs of people in the stands, attempting not to step on anyone. your eyes briefly flitted to the track, the assistants distantly getting their cars ready. they were hardly visible from here; merely faceless figures idling around. you heaved out a sigh as you reached sasha, the brunette gingerly patting the spot next to her. 

“you couldn’t have gotten better seats, sash?” you asked as you sat down, pushing your sunglasses on top of your head. sasha waved her large bag of popcorn in front of your face, an exasperated expression on her features. 

“the line was long, and what’s a race without popcorn?” she grinned, offering you the bag. you rolled your eyes but took a fistful of the bright yellow snack nonetheless. “plus, if you really wanted that good of seats, you would’ve come early yourself.” 

“i did come here early,” you retorted, your voice muffled by the popcorn. sasha raised a questioning brow, her elbow nudging you in the side. 

“getting here early just so you can poke around the racer’s quarters is not the same thing,” she singsonged, a girlish smirk on her face. you scoffed, turning away from her as you felt heat race to your cheeks. “c’mon, everyone knows you and eren are totally into each other. i don’t understand why you guys don’t just go for it.” 

“i wasn’t poking around, and i am not into eren,” you said, shifting uncomfortably as the words left your mouth. it was true, to some degree. the two of you had been friends in high school, back when eren was just some skinny kid with anger issues. now he was a semi-professional racer, and the rivalry between the two of you was palpable, to say the least.

you’d been in the same friend group and for some reason eren just loved to pick on you whenever he got the chance. you suspected it had something to do with his repressed daddy issues or whatever, and he’d known mikasa and armin far too long to be so catty with them. initially they were just playful taunts, but as you got older, they started to become more personal. with age came your own unchecked need to banter and argue with him. 

somewhere along the way the arguments turned to sexual tension. a sexual tension that for the most part, the two of you were happy to ignore. it allowed room for a more sassy friendship, at least. 

“uh huh, suuure,” sasha responded, seemingly unconvinced. she must’ve sensed your discomfort, deciding to change the topic. “who’s who?” 

your eyes traced the track, analyzing each vehicle. “armin’s in yellow, mikasa’s in red, eren’s in white, and i believe levi is in green.” 

“levi’s racing? isn’t he getting a little old for that?” sasha laughed, squinting. you chuckled. 

“it’s just a small fundraiser race, plus he’s a crowd favorite over here,” you explained. sasha nodded as she processed the information. the sun was hot, beating down on your back. “i’m honestly surprised this many people came out.” 

sasha tossed more popcorn in her mouth, halfway done with the bag despite the race still not having started. she offered it to you again. “mhm, this is the same type of crowd that we’d see in the underground.” 

you thought back to your days of attending the illegal races, late at night and under the cover of darkness. though you were just a junior in college, it felt like those nights freshman year had been decades ago. that was before eren showed real promise in the professional circuit. it was also where levi scouted him out to be his successor. 

as if on cue, you could see the figures of the racers emerging from the port, each headed for their respective cars. you couldn’t help the way your gaze immediately followed the tall, brown haired racer adorned in his white racing jacket, checkers on the side. the crowd erupted into cheers at the sight of the all the racers, one from each color of the rainbow. eren walked with a certain confidence, his adamant determination being one of the only things that followed him from high school. 

though you couldn’t clearly see his face from where you sat, you knew he was smiling. eren had always loved the adrenaline rush before a race. 

“alright ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you to the annual shiganshina fundraiser race!” the reporter boomed over the intercom. sasha squealed in her seat, excitedly gripping your arm and pointing towards your friends. you felt a mix of excited nervousness waft over you, giggling along with her. “today we’ve got racers from all over the circuit, and each one has volunteered their precious time for the cause. can we get a round of applause?” 

the crowd erupted in yet another ear deafening round of applause as the announcer read off the names of each of the racers. you and sasha made sure to scream your loudest when armin, mikasa, and eren’s names were read off. 

you hoped they knew it was you, your throat scratchy as you sat back down. there was no need to be loud for levi; the entire crowd went absolutely feral at the mention of his name. 

the announcer read off the conditions of the race, as well as the reasoning for the fundraiser itself. you and sasha chatted quietly about the after party while the racers put their helmets on and got in their cars. before too long, the announcer was gearing up for the start. 

“alright everyone, we’re about to start. get yourselves ready.” 

you and sasha stood, hollering and cheering for your friends as the cars all lined up. you knew you’d be happy if any of them crossed the finish line first, but it was undeniable that it would be eren. it wasn’t armin or mikasa’s passion like it was eren’s; they viewed it more as as fun hobby. nevertheless, you dreaded how smug eren would be once he added another win to his already growing list. he really was a bastard sometimes. 

“racers ready your cars. 3... 2... 1... go!” 

they were off, levi’s green car easily settling into first place, cruising past the other cars as he whipped around the first curve. you held your breath, eyes scanning the other cars placements. eren was in fourth, armin in fifth, and mikasa in second. sasha yelled sporadically, reaching out and squeezing your wrist tightly. 

as they rounded the circuit for the second time, eren passed the third place racer, coming up behind mikasa’s red car. you held your breath. “c’mon eren...” 

“shit! he passed her!” sasha screeched, jumping up and down. you smiled as he whipped the corner, nearly cutting the edge of the median. 

“levi is still so far ahead,” you commented, trying to pry sasha’s death grip from your wrist. your eyes glanced to the clock, realizing that the race was near its finish. levi was cutting the third corner and eren was quickly gaining on him. 

“looks like it’s gonna be clo-” sasha’s voice was cut off as a large man tripped over the bleacher behind you, effectively shoving you into her side. “shit, the popcorn!” 

you regained your balance, giving the man behind you a dirty glare as you turned to sasha. she frowned at the popcorn that’d been spilled all over the ground. “what a waste!” 

looking back up at the track, the crowd broke into screams of excitement. you expected to see eren’s face on the big screen to the side as confetti streamed through the air, but were surprised to see levi’s unimpressed stare. 

eren lost? 

“you’ve gotta be shitting me,” sasha gaped, her face slack in shock. you shrugged, shaking the feeling of disappointment from your shoulders. serves him right. 

people started to vacate the stands, shoving their way past you as you turned to sasha. “let’s go find connie and jean, sash.” 

she nodded, still frowning. the two of you climbed down the steps, going against the flow of the crowd as you weaseled your way down onto the spectators path. you could see all of the racers shaking hands, congratulating each other. your mind briefly considered whether or not eren was going to be upset, but you decided not to dwell on it. 

you watched as the racers disappeared into the tunnel, eren’s tall figure no longer in view. just then, connie and jean came walking out from the service booth, both wearing their maintenance coveralls. 

sasha wildly waved her arm, grabbing your hand and pulling you through the remaining stragglers towards your friends. 

“hey guys!” she smiled, the boys jogging to meet you halfway. 

“why were you guys in such shit seats?” connie asked, skipping over a greeting. you let out a small laugh at sasha’s expense. she merely shrugged, turning to jean. 

“we going to your place?” you questioned before she had the chance. jean nodded, adjusting the backwards baseball cap on his head. 

“yeah, just gotta wrap some things up, then we can head out,” he replied. you grew happy at the thought of kicking back with your friends, enjoying a nice night of fun. parties at jean and connie’s place were always the best. 

***************

“some race that was,” connie groaned, leaning back and bringing the beer bottle to his lips. so far it was just you, sasha, connie, jean, and a bunch of random drunk people who’d come from the track. sasha scoffed from her spot on the worn, brown couch. 

“you could say that again,” she grumbled. “we didn’t even get to see levi cross the finish line ‘cause some guy rammed into us.” 

jean looked at you from where he leaned against the wall, a bottle in his hand and his eyebrows raised. “wait, for real?” 

“yeah,” you sighed, drinking whatever bitter liquid sasha had poured into your red solo cup. “didn’t even say sorry.” 

“how many times do i have to tell you guys, just come work maintenance with jean-boy and i,” connie suggested, wrapping his arm around sasha’s shoulder and giving a squeeze. she rolled her eyes and shoved him off. “you guys would get to watch the race from the track itself.” 

“i don’t know the first thing about cars,” sasha laughed, you nodding along with her. 

“and you think we do? i just said that so we could get the best seats in the house,” connie snorted, taking another swig of his drink. you chuckled at his idiocy, unfazed by yet another one of their stupid stunts. “where’re the big racers anyway?” 

“they should be here soon,” you responded, glancing out the window. jean was unironically blasting the fast and the furious soundtrack, something he’d done after every race for as long as you’d known him. by now the songs were ingrained in your brain. 

“who wants to bet jaeger is in a pissy mood?” jean snorted as he moved to sit down on the arm of the chair you were planted in. 

“when isn’t he?” you sneered. connie and sasha hummed in agreement. both you and jean loved nothing more than to push eren’s buttons. you knew jean’s motives stemmed from some boyish fun, whereas yours felt a little more personal. 

the sound of clapping began to compete with the music, your neck craning to look past jean into the hallway. eren, armin, and mikasa came into view, people cheering them on and patting them on the back. they each wore their racing jackets over their street clothes. 

you felt a familiar sensation burn in your stomach at the sight of eren. his dark hair was pulled back per usual, wispies framing his tan face. The white jacket stood out against his black t-shirt and black jeans; key necklace he always wore glinting against his chest. as your gaze travelled up from his body, you were startled to make contact with his teal eyes. you quickly glanced away in embarrassment. 

“well, well, well,” jean cheered, raising his bottle to the trio. “how’d it feel to lose to a short, old man, eh jaeger?”

eren scowled, obviously peeved. “if i had to lose to anyone, i’m glad it was levi.” 

connie snorted at that. “man, professional circuit has you soft.” 

“whatever you say, baldie,” eren smirked mischievously as he came to sit down on the couch. connie defensively rubbed his head. “at least i’m making money in prof.” 

“i still can’t believe you have people that actually want to sponsor you,” you snipped, a playful expression on your face. eren lazily looked towards you, the familiar irritation laced in his eyes. 

“i’m sorry, what was that? i wasn’t listening to you,” eren retorted, looking as unbothered as ever. you glared at his words, but caught armin’s disapproving eye and decided to stay quiet. 

as the night carried on, you watched your friends relax and reminisce about previous races and the days spent in the illegal ring. it seemed crazy that your life was so centered around car races, when you weren’t even a racer yourself. but you supposed you were just happy to be supporting your friends.

at some point you got up out of your chair to refill your cup. the large hoards of people had started to dance; the house feeling hot and humid as you shoved your way to the kitchen. luckily the room was empty, save for armin who was drinking water out of the kitchen tap. 

“thirsty?” you asked, amused. his head snapped up, surprised by your voice. it took one look to tell he was absolutely trashed, face red and eyes half lidded. he smiled goofily and nodded his head before stumbling back out into the crowd of people. 

you quickly filled your cup, following the direction armin had gone. as you stepped out of the kitchen, a body came out of nowhere and smacked into you. 

eren jumped back, trying to avoid the liquid that sloshed out of your cup. “hey, watch it!” he hissed. 

“you watch it, casanova,” you snapped, irritated by the sticky alcohol that dripped down your hand. eren’s eyes narrowed at the nickname, his arms defensively crossing his chest. 

“i told you not to call me that,” he bit back, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. you rolled your eyes, instinctively bringing your hand to your mouth in an attempt to lick the drink off. eren watched you, his gaze clouded with an indiscernible emotion. you knew what you were doing. 

“hm. too bad,” you quipped, dragging your tongue down the side of your hand, popping your pointer finger in your mouth. eren glowered at you as you let out a giggle. “see ya, loser.” 

“whatever, brat,” he huffed, shaking the tension from his pants as you sauntered off into the crowd. he hated the effect you had on him.

you’d already decided not to get shit faced. while the rest of your friends had chosen otherwise, you danced alongside them, your resolve wearing thin much faster than theirs. jean and sasha bounced happily up and down, screaming the lyrics to whatever song it was blasting from the speakers. connie and mikasa were playing beer pong, and you had no clue where armin and eren had gone.

you heaved in a breath as a sharp pain shot through your side, signaling the end of your dancing career for the night. your two dance partners were too far gone to notice, waving goodbye to you as you stepped out of the sweaty crowd. 

slipping your phone out of your pocket, your eyes nearly popped from your head at the time. two thirty?!

only slightly tipsy, you decided to find jean’s room and call it a night. he’d just have to sleep on the couch. with one hand dragging on the wall, you made your way through the house, past armin who was doing body shots with a couple of strangers, up the stairs and down the dark hall. it was quieter up here, but you could still hear the music and knew it’d be awhile till sleep visited you. 

shoving jean’s door open, you were surprised to see none other than eren laid back on the bed, puffs of smoke coming from his mouth. the strong scent of weed hit your nostrils, nose scrunching up in reflex. he propped himself up on one arm upon your entrance, eyeing you. 

“oh, sorry i’ll just- wait a minute,” you paused, narrowing your eyes at him. “you aren’t supposed to be smoking on your sponsorship.” 

eren let out a loud laugh at that, more smoke spilling from his lungs. “thanks, mom. i know.” 

you stood in the doorway, not really sure what to do. “jean’s gonna be mad if his room smells like weed tomorrow.” 

“yeah, why do you think i chose to do it in here?” he leered, bringing the blunt to his lips and deeply inhaling, sharp cheekbones protruding with the action. you sucked in a breath, not wanting to acknowledge just how gorgeous he was. his jacket was off, black shirt tightly gripping his muscular yet slender arms as he propped himself up. he blew the smoke from his nostrils this time, making your face heat. “wanna hit?”  

you sighed, weighing the options. jean’s bed was a lot more comfortable than connie’s. you could just wait till eren was done, and then pass out. “no, but i’ll wait with you till you’re done.” 

“suit yourself, brat,” eren hummed, flopping back down on the bed as you shut the door behind yourself. you came to sit by him, looking down as he heaved in a sober breath. he really is beautiful, you thought. 

your eyes scanned his face. “you really shouldn’t be smoking, you know. you could lose the sponsorship.” 

eren rolled his teal eyes, giving you a side glance. “i’m aware. i’m also aware that you aren’t going to rat on me.” 

“and what makes you so sure?” you asked playfully, your voice low. eren’s gaze shifted to you, placing the blunt between his lips as he sat up, face inches from yours. 

“because. you can act like you hate me all you want,” smoke blew from his lips as he spoke, slowly inching his face closer to yours. you swallowed, eyes struggling to maintain contact with his dark stare. “but i know how badly you want me.” 

you blinked, heart rate accelerating as he glanced at your lips. “speaking from experience?” 

eren’s mouth quirked up in a smirk at your words. “something like that.”

you watched with desire as he brought the bud of the blunt up to his lips, deeply inhaling the toxic smoke. he lifted his free hand, pointer finger gently tracing your jaw as his thumb came up to caress your chin. he tapped softly against your face, as if asking you to open your mouth. 

you weren’t sure what part of you was wanting to submit to his every move. maybe it was the alcohol. or maybe it was the accumulation of sexual tension. something told you it was a deeper itch that needed to be scratched. an itch only eren could reach. 

you parted your lips, eyes fluttering as eren leaned forward and carefully brushed his own against yours, dumping his lungful of smoke into your mouth. you breathed it in, fighting the urge to cough and whine as he pulled away. 

“good girl,” he breathed, leaning away to snuff the bud out on jean’s bedside table. you heaved out as much as you could, shocked by your own willingness. you were mainly surprised by how much you enjoyed whatever that was. 

you stared at him expectantly as he turned back to you, a serious expression on his face. “eren.” 

“yes?” he asked, leaning heavily on his arm, eyes unashamedly focused on your lips. his other hand came up again, lightly ghosting your jawline. you could feel yourself growing wet between your legs; the way eren was fucking you with his eyes sending an unwelcomed throb to your clit. 

acting on impulse, you lurched forward, latching your lips onto eren’s slightly chapped ones. he wasted no time in kissing you back; hungrily pressing himself closer to your body. his lips were warm and tasted like weed and coca cola, his tongue wiggling its way into your mouth where you happily welcomed it. 

you brought your hand up, wanting to run your fingers through his hair, but were stopped when they got caught in the bun. eren grunted, kissing you harder and bringing his own hand up to yank the tie from his locks, letting his soft hair fall to his shoulders. 

your fingers were quick to glide through the brown strands, scratching his scalp in the process. some throaty sound emitted from his chest, the noise making your cunt ache in need. how is he so hot? 

eren’s hands came to your waist, roughly shoving you down onto the bed, so that he hovered above you. your lips continued to meld together, saliva coated mouths wetly intertwined. you removed your hand from his hair, bringing both hands to run down the expanse of his arms that were on either side of your head. you squeezed his biceps, surprised when he suddenly pulled away. 

“is this okay?” he panted, breaths labored. his pupils were dilated, all seriousness behind his gaze. you nodded your head without hesitation, practically begging him to continue. “words.”

“yes, yes. i want this just as much as you do,” you responded. eren smirked from above you, his dark hair swirling around his face as his key dangled in front of your chin. 

“good, because,” he leaned down to your ear, lightly nibbling the lobe as the cold key rested against your throat. “i’m going to punish you for all these years of torture.” 

your eyes widened, the words sending a desirable chill down your spine. “torture?” 

eren’s hot mouth travelled slowly from your ear down the side of your neck, lightly peppering the skin with lustful kisses. his tongue came out as he reached your collarbone, dragging the wet muscle up the front of your throat, leaving a trail of saliva in its wake. a small whimper involuntarily left your mouth as he pulled back, grabbing your chin in his large hand.  

“all of the nicknames,” he pressed a kiss to your lips. “the quips,” and another, your chest tightening. “the stunt you pulled earlier with your hand. oh god. it’s like you were practically begging me to bend you over and teach you a lesson.” 

he pulled back, dark eyes boring into yours. the desire was palpable, your breathing shallow as he stared at you. it was like he was waiting for some silent agreement. 

you held eye contact, tilting your chin back ever so slightly in his grip. “good thing i learn fast.” 

your words flew straight to his cock, throbbing uncomfortably behind his jeans. eren let go of your chin, his lips hungrily reconnecting with yours as his hands pinned your wrists to either side of your head. his tongue was quick to invite itself into your mouth, warm and erotic. 

you wanted to tug on his hair again; wanted to hear his primal groans and feel him vibrate against your mouth, but you were pinned to the bed. desperate to hear eren moan, your teeth grazed his bottom lip, the action making him yank his head back. 

“tsk tsk, none of that,” he growled, wet lips glinting in the low light of the room. “this is your punishment. guess we’re going to have to do something else.” 

you frowned as he let go of your wrists, lifting himself from the bed and standing. you propped yourself up on your elbows, eyes laced with desire as eren swiftly pulled the black shirt over his head, key pendant resting on his newly exposed chest. he was dangerously attractive like this; dark hair disheveled on his shoulders, only adding to the feral stare he was giving you. 

he leaned forward, grabbing your thighs and yanking you to the end of the bed, legs dangling from the side. you watched in awe as he dropped to his knees, fingers coming up to toy with the button of your jean shorts. 

“these little shorts make your ass look so good,” he grumbled, tapping the button. “be good and take them off for me.” 

you wasted no time in lifting your ass off the bed, struggling to yank the denim down your legs without hitting eren in the face. he watched your every movement, licking his lips as you wiggled them off. 

without thinking, your hands gripped the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head to reveal a black bra. eren’s pupils dilated further at the unexpected sight of your breasts. 

he helped pull the shorts from your ankles, tossing them aside as you sat back down, just in your panties and bra. you paused for a moment, unsure of what he was planning to do. 

“watch me,” he demanded, staring at you through his brows. you nodded your head, breath hitching as he placed an open mouthed kiss to the inside of your thigh, tongue swiping against the smooth skin. 

his eyelashes fluttered as he licked up your leg; just the way he looked at you being enough to have you creaming in your lace panties. your teeth tugged at your bottom lip, the burning in your face mirroring the way your clit throbbed along with your heart beat. 

eren’s tongue trailed until he reached the edge of your underwear, eyes never failing to stay connected with yours. you swallowed as he lifted his head, placing his tongue flatly against your clothed clit. 

it was a warm, muted feeling, your body all too aware of the beautiful man between your legs. eren brought his fingers up, hooking under the fabric and pushing it to the side. 

“so wet for me already,” he hummed, a smile on his face. you blushed in embarrassment, the feeling of his breath on your glistening pool of moisture making you shiver. “’m gonna eat you so good, little bitch.” 

you gasped as eren rapidly brought his face down, burying his head between your legs. the sensation was like no other; a swirling feeling in your stomach as his tongue hungrily swiped against your clit. your hands flew down to his hair, tugging as his lips wrapped around the bud, suckling softly. 

a moan escaped your lips, the sound causing eren to groan out in reply. the vibration of his vocal cords against your center amplifying the pleasure. 

a distinct feeling began to burn in your chest, the sloppiness of eren’s tongue licking up your slick causing your legs to squirm, tightening around his head. “fuck.”

eren pulled back at the pressure against his skull, a smack sounding through the air as he released his suction on your wet cunt. 

“i told you to be good,” he hissed, lips coated in your sheen. you knew the image of eren’s face between your legs, hair disheveled and mouth swollen, eyes dark and lustrous, would be burned into the back of your brain. 

flustered, you nodded your head, spreading your legs so they weren’t pressing against his face. he nodded in content, arms coming up to wrap around your thighs to keep you steady. 

and he was back; eating your pussy like he hadn’t been fed in years, a primal desperation. he pressed his tongue down harder, the cry ripping from your throat at the sensation only egging him on. you struggled against his grip as he abused your clit with his mouth, sucking and tracing his teeth over it so good. 

his tongue slid down to your entrance, shoving itself in without invitation. the fullness wasn’t like having sex; it was a heated, swirling feeling. the wet muscle circled around your spongey walls, your face beginning to burn and hands growing clammy in eren’s hair. 

you threw your head back as his ministrations sped up, your hips attempting to grind into his face. the warmth in the pit of your stomach building like a loaded gun, ready to release itself. 

all it took was the added pressure of his hand wrapping around your thigh so that his thumb could press against your clit, feverishly rubbing. you came crashing down, your eyes screwing shut as the wave of dopamine stretched to every part of your body, legs jerking against his hold. 

eren pulled his head back again, a smile on his wet face as he licked your release from his lips. “tasted so good, so good for me.” 

you breathed out in reply as he came back up above you, gently taking your chin and bringing his mouth down to yours. 

the kiss was small and simple, your eye lids growing heavy. you could taste your bitter release on him, the unfamiliar flavor not completely unpleasant. 

“sleepy?” eren mumbled against your lips, coming back to look at you. you nodded your head, eyes catching on the key that dangled from his neck. “too bad. we aren’t done with your punishment yet.” 

you frowned, your body suddenly more awake than it was before. “huh?” you asked, sitting up as eren shifted to pull his jeans off. 

you weren’t sure what you expected when he yanked both his jeans and boxers down; you guessed you’d always thought his anger issues were compensation for something. the realization dawned on you that eren had nothing to compensate for as his cock sprung from his pants, the sheer size making your mouth water. 

a smirk crossed his face as he stepped from his jeans. “enjoying the view?” 

“what? no,” you scoffed, averting your gaze. eren crawled back over you, his bare length pressing into your stomach as his hands came up to unclasp your bra. 

“don’t be shy, this is your punishment after all,” he whispered, pulling the cups from your chest. his eyes unashamedly scanned your breasts, a smile tugging his lips as he gave them a generous squeeze. 

you tried to ignore the imprint of him on your stomach; but it was nearly impossible. you could feel the spot between your legs grow wet again, arousal already weaseling its way back into your system.

eren brought his lips to yours once again, the kisses much sloppier and desperate than before. he grunted as you shifted to lay back down, his exposed dick rubbing against your stomach. “can’t wait to be inside of you,” he mumbled against your lips. 

you whimpered at his words, his lips melding with your own while he simultaneously tugged your panties down your legs. he propped himself up with one arm, the other positioning the tip of his cock at the entrance of your already throbbing cunt. 

you took a deep breath as he slowly eased himself into you; the sheer stretch making your eyes lull back in your head. eren moved his hips slowly at first, loosening you up. he was watching your expressions; his eyelids heavy and mouth slightly agape. 

“shit, you’re so tight,” he groaned, hips starting to move faster as he gazed down at you. you swallowed, closing your eyes as he sent one particularly hard thrust, cock nearly ramming your cervix. “you good?” 

“mhm,” you responded, bringing your hands up to grab his hair. “just so big.” 

eren let out a breathy chuckle at that, eyes traveling down to your pelvis where his dick was visibly creating a bump with every thrust. he placed his hand on your stomach, pressing down as he bucked his hips violently forwards. he was so deep. 

you cried out at the feeling of his length sliding in and out of your cunt, your walls clenching around him as your hands clawed at his muscular back. 

he was filling you up so good, a moan leaving his lips as your enhanced arousal unexpectedly brought your second orgasm down, tears pricking your eyes. eren kept abusing your pussy, his thrusts growing senseless before he buried himself deep within you, releasing his load inside of your exhausted center. 

both of your breathing was labored, eren looking up at the ceiling. his face was flushed as he recovered, you laying limply beneath him trying to regain your composure yourself. 

“that felt so good,” you admitted, bringing your hand up from his back to caress his angular face. eren frowned at your words, large hand grabbing your wrist and removing it from his jawline. 

“m’not tired yet,” he said seriously, your eyes widening as he placed a chaste kiss to your lips. your fucked out face beneath him had his dick already hardening again. “m’not gonna be tired till i win.” 

he suddenly pulled up, hooking his hands under your knees and pushing your legs up by your head. the action strained your muscles, the feeling of eren’s cum dripping down your ass filling your head as he readied himself to fuck you senseless. 

he stared at your cunt; at the way his cum was oozing out of it, the abused pussy ready to take him in again. he used his fingers to catch the drip, forcing it back inside of you. the thought of filling you up all nice and pretty sent him over the edge, his hand shamelessly guiding his cock back inside of you.

eren was meaner this time; each thrust was deep and deliberate, hitting your cervix and making you cry out in pleasure. the burning sensation in your clit was overwhelming, your mouth hanging open as eren slowly fucked you stupid. 

“good, pretty girl” eren breathed out, ramming his hips into yours. “took her punishment like such a good girl.” 

you tried to nod your head, but you couldn’t move. the feeling of hot, sticky tears rolled down your face, eren’s cock deep within you almost too much to bear. he grabbed your chin, tongue swiping up your cheek as he savored the salty flavor on his tastebuds. this man and his licking. 

“tell me, did you learn your lesson?” eren grunted in your ear, hand still gripping your chin. you tried to form a sentence, fucked beyond words. “hm, use your words and i’ll let you cum.” 

one more deep thrust and his dick stopped its strokes, pausing within you. “yes... yes.” 

“yes what?” 

your tongue was heavy in your mouth, pussy all too aware of eren’s length within it. “i learned my lesson, you won.” 

he smirked, aggressively bucking his hips into your weak cunt, the action making you cry out as he rammed your cervix. the tears continued to roll down your cheeks as eren’s dick twitched, spurting the his seed into you. your third release followed his, your clit spasming from the overstimulation. 

eren heaved himself out of you, collapsing deftly onto the bed. the two of you sat in a heated silence, your face sticky from the tears. eren glanced to you, eyes trailing down your body. 

“i’ll get a rag,” he mumbled, shoving off the bed and walking into jean’s bathroom. you were beyond exhausted and knew that you’d be sore tomorrow. eren reemerged, quickly cleaning you up and handing you your shirt. 

your eyes lazily watched him as he walked over and locked the door; brain too tired to form a sentence. 

he must’ve noticed your concern. “we can sleep in here tonight; i don’t think you’re in any shape to move.” 

you carefully crawled into the sheets, not even bothering to put your shirt back on. eren followed suit, climbing in behind you. 

“night,” he whispered as he shut the bedside light off. your lids were growing heavy, a smile on your lips as you began to fall asleep. 

“night, casanova.” 

<3 <3 <3 

[bump1nthen1ght]

I’m Still Hurting (F!Reader/M!Orc)

Pairings: Fem!Reader/Male!Orc

Genre: Urban Fantasy, Angst

Warnings: (Almost) Infidelity

Word Count: 3376 words

Summary: Your boyfriend does something he’d never thought he’d do, and you’re left to try and pick up the pieces.

Request: can I make a request? About an angst story between an m!orc and f!human. I like the idea of like maybe the orc sorta misses being with other orc women or like she can't fulfill his needs and she hears this. I like the idea of almost infidelity

A/N: Surprise bitches! I’m alive! And back with some delicious angst for y’all!! I really loved doing this request, as I don’t often write full on angst. I am also working on a fluffy request  at the moment, if some of you would like some nice comfort after this haha. Hope y’all enjoy!

Honey ❤️: Babe

Honey ❤️: Babe please answer the phone I need to talk to you

Honey ❤️: I know you’re angry, you should be angry, but please talk to me

Honey ❤️: Baby please

“____? Is that my phone?” Brynn yells from the kitchen, already mixing another cocktail for you to down. Her bright red horns peek over the living room divider, bouncing back as she grabs the alcohol from the fridge. Still looking at your bright screen, you don’t even have the energy to respond.

“____?” You throw your phone away as she peaks her head over, giving her a shameful look. Brynn furrows her brow, pulling away from the kitchen island and putting one hand on her hip. “Was that him?” With your eyes darting back and forth from the pillow you shoved your phone under and Brynn’s face, you nod.

“Y-yeah, it was him.”

Brynn sighs, fiddling with her hands.

“Listen, I don’t want to tell you what to do, especially not tonight, but I just think-”

“No, no, it’s alright. You’re right, you’re right.” A jolt hits you as your phone vibrates, the vibrations rumbling through the fabric and stabbing right into your stomach. You force yourself to look away, fiddling with your fingers. Brynn shoots you a pitiful look, you’re sure of it, even as your efuse to meet her gaze. “I shouldn’t talk to him tonight. Not right now, not when I’m like….this.” A slow, tired breath escapes you. “I’ll make him wait, just like he did.”

The coach cushion bends as Brynn sits next to you, rubbing your shoulder as she leans in for a side each. You accept it, your body like a deadweight as you let yourself go slack in her arms.

“Do you want anything? Chocolate, maybe a movie? I’ve got some leftover cheesecake?”

“A movie sounds nice.” You murmur, nodding against her chest. Brynn hums, her tail coming up and massaging your lower back as she kisses you on the forward.

“Of course, your choice. Do you want me to get your drink?”

You nod once more, letting Brynn untangle herself from the hug and laying back on the couch, grabbing the comfiest blanket and the remote. You quickly flick through you and Brynn’s ‘most watched’ section on Netflix. You need something new tonight, something to get your mind off.

All your regular comfort movies are romances, after all.

By the time Brynn comes back, a rum and coke and a carton of ice cream in hand, you’re already snuggled into a blanket burrito. She hands you a spoon and the glass, which you wordlessly accept. She sits down and throws a hand over your shoulder, trying her best to massage the left over tension in your neck. You sink into the feeling, pressing on your movie of choice.

“Mad Max: Fury Road, huh? I’ve heard this movie’s great.”

“Yeah,” you whisper, “It is.”

And chocked full of shitty men getting what they deserve.

As the opening title plays, the deep voice of Tom Hardy kicking the movie off, you snuggle into Brynn’s side. Your phone buzzes again, but it’s drowned out by screaming men and loud engines. Just how you like it.

Honey ❤️: Could you call me in the morning?

Honey ❤️: I’ll leave you alone for the night, I’m sorry

Honey ❤️: I love you

--------

Waruck sighs, his fingers shaking as another small ‘message delivered’ shows up on his screen. No response, just like the last 15 texts. He finds himself typing out another anyway.

I love you so fucking much

It reads, but is quickly deleted. Waruck clicks off his phone, but it stays in his hand, taunting him. The black mirror shows a sad, pathetic boyfriend, getting the silent treatment.

He falls back onto his bed, exhausted from a day of doing nothing. Nothing but worrying and feeling guilty, with the occasional flicking through TV channels and texting his girlfriend.

It’s getting late, his bedside clock cutting through the dark of his room to remind him he’s been up for almost 16 hours now. Waruck slides a hand through his hair and gets up. He’s going to have to camp out in front of the TV, because he knows he won’t be able to sleep tonight.

Not after what he did.

--------

He had gone out with friends. Friends from highschool who he still occasionally chatted with, friends he didn’t even really like anymore. But the past two weeks had him feeling oddly...nostalgic, like something was out of place. So when his buddy Simon had invited him to the bar, he had eagerly accepted.

He remembers grabbing his coat, you sending him a text to have fun, and him not replying. He didn’t know why he didn’t respond, he still doesn’t. The two of you had been going strong for almost 8 months now, with only the occasional hiccup that most couples have. So why didn’t he respond? What made him casually throw your sweet remark to the side like that?

Waruck shakes his head, trying to focus on the movie in front of him. Now isn’t the time to get existential over tiny shit like that, not with how the rest of the night went.

When he met up with the group, Waruck immediately knew that tonight was going to be different. His current group of friends are quite different, less rowdy, than his old posse. At only 10 PM, three of the guys we’re already halfway drunk, saving a spot in line from him outside the noisy bar. The electronic music that thrummed through the concrete and out onto the street reminded him of how much time has passed, how different his usual party-scene is now, and he revels in that feeling of former good-times.

Simon greets him with a hug, the guys shouting his name as he joins them. From the corner of his eye, he sees a gaggle of girls giggling.

And that's where it started.

An orc woman, dressed in a beautiful black dress, winks as she passes him at the bar. Simon nudges his side as Waruck takes a drink.

“Dude, that chick is totally sending you the look”

Waruck furrows his brow, stirring his drink.

“What’s ‘the look’?” He says, taking another sip of his scotch.

Simon rolls his eyes. “The ‘come hit on me’ look dude! That’s the sign you need to go for it!”

“I have a girlfriend, Simon.”

Simon scoffs, throwing his hand out dramatically. “What, that human chick?”

Waruck has half of mind to set down his drink and ask Simon what he means with that sarcastic tone of voice. It pisses him off, but he says nothing, just rolls his eyes.

“No offense, bro, she looks cute and all. But is she really worth missing out on some great ass?”

Waruck grimaces and shoots Simon a dirty look. “Jesus, Simon, are you serious?”

“I’m serious! When was the last time you had fun, y’know? Everyone knows an orc chick can throw down, wild-style.” Simon nudges him in his side, playfully, but it only serves to make Waruck more annoyed. “C’mon, you seriously don’t miss it?”

Waruck should tell him a firm ‘No’, finish his drink, and leave. He should call a cab and go home, call you and rant about his gross misogynistic friend from high school.

But he doesn’t.

The part of him, the part of him that feels slightly off, wonders if this is it. It had been a long time since he had been with another orc. You were a great girlfriend, but so different from in so many ways. Is that it?

Maybe relieving the old days will satisfy whatever longing he has, and then it will leave forever. Would that be so bad, to let loose for one night?

Waruck feels a tap on his shoulder, and turns to see the orc girl from earlier; The one who sent him ‘the look’.

“Hey handsome, can I buy you a drink?”

Between the boosted bass of the music and the orc woman pressing up against him, Waruck doesn’t notice Simon slip away, giving him a pat on the back.

Leave, say no, tell her she’s got the wrong guy, you fucking idiot. His consciousness yells.

“U-uh, sure.” He stutters.

She introduces herself as Naz and says she noticed him the minute he walked in.

“Hard not to notice the best-dressed guy in the room.” She flirts, pressing herself closer and up against him.

He has a thousand little moments like that, to say something; To pull back and apologize, but he doesn’t.

Instead, he slips into a corner booth with her, purposely ignoring the texts you send to check up on him. You had remembered that he wasn’t sure how much fun this night would be, and routinely checked in if he needed a convenient excuse to leave early. You’re sweet like that.

Naz is sweet too. She's a great conversationalist, with a good head on her shoulders and an interesting career in zoology. Waruck could see the two of you being good friends.

Is that why she seems so alluring? Because she’s so similar to you? Waruck’s mind does mental gymnastics to try and justify his hesitance, his compliance in believing that maybe she has something different after all, even though he knows that isn’t true.

The two of them talk for a solid hour and a half, Naz slowly inching herself closer and putting a hand on his knee. His body screams in resistance, his stomach tying up into knots, but he doesn’t push her away.

“So, I’ve got a room not too far from here. What do you say we go make ourselves a bit more comfortable?”

This is his final chance to find an excuse and say goodnight. To run back home and forget this ever happened. But the words are caught in his throat and he’s further silenced by the nearby whooping of his asshole friends.

“Yeah, Waruck! Get some!”

Naz chuckles and mistakenly reads his seething anger at himself with embarrassment for his friends. She leans in, grabbing his jaw, and whispers.

“Let's give them a show, huh?” Then, she kisses him.

The noises of the bar, his friends, and Naz all drown away as her lips mold into his. Waruck’s body goes rigid, terrified as time seems to freeze as he kisses someone who is not his girlfriend.

But all of that stops when your ringtone begins to blast in his pocket. It should be near silent when compared to the pounding bar music, but that familiar jingle seems to cut deep into his skin and skewer his heart. Waruck pulls away with a quick jerk, Naz almost falling over as he pushes himself into his seat and away from her body-heat. Every nerve is a light with tension as he quickly pulls out his phone.

There on the screen is a picture of you, your contact name, “Sweetie❤️”, shining through the dimmed light of that bar. Waruck breathes heavily, feeling like he’s just run an emotional marathon, stuck in his own head until Naz slides away from him.

“Wait, hold on, do you have a girlfriend?”

Waruck looks at her, then looks at his still-ringing phone, then back to Naz. He nods.

Naz's face curls up into obvious disgust, quickly directing her body to be as far away from him as possible. “Fucking hell, dude. What the fuck?” She grabs her handbag and stomps out of the booth, not before throwing her drink in his face and telling him to go to hell.

He almost watches her move across the bar, most likely to go complain to her friends about the asshole she just wasted the last 2 hours chatting up, but all he can focus on is your picture on his phone.

--------

Waruck practically runs out of the bar, his whole body covered in sweat and his mind racing a mile a minute.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He felt like a 15 year old, goaded into another shitty prank just because he wanted to look cool in front of his friends, buying into their weird bullshit about humans. Was he seriously going to throw away your wonderful relationship over one night, over one urge?

Naz had been strikingly beautiful, in all the ways he was taught an orc like himself should look for. She could probably get any guy in that club tonight, but she wasn’t you. You’re different, but in so many cool, inconsequential, uniquely-you ways.

Waruck doesn’t know how long he walks before he sits down outside a cafe, trying to collect his racing emotions. He feels gross, sticky with the kind of sweat you only get after too much alcohol and too many people. The screen of his phone seems to reflect every smudge and finger-print as he swipes it to unlock it, finally getting the courage to read your text messages.

They start off normal, spread out over several hours. The occasional “How are the guys?” and “Hope you are having fun! Just let me know when you get home safe.” before dropping off into nothing. Right up until 20 minutes ago, where you send a short and curt text that has his heart dropping to his stomach.

Sweetie❤️: Can you call me right now?

Sweetie❤️: Waruck, I need to talk to you

Sweetie❤️: Are you still at the bar?

After that is a notification of your missed call from earlier and Waruck can’t help but feel  guilt stir in his gut.

It could be nothing, something unrelated to what he almost did tonight. But the notification he gets from his Instagram says otherwise. It says a mutual of his tagged him in a photo 30 minutes ago.

Waruck feels like vomiting when he opens up Simon’s story and sees a shaky picture of Naz, draped over him in the corner booth, with him looking all too happy to have her there. The caption reads

“At least someone’s getting lucky tonight 🤣🤣 #BoysNight20XX”

But what comes next is even worse; An even blurrier photo of Naz kissing him, both of their eyes closed as she almost sits in his lap.

Waruck can’t even look at the caption, quickly exiting out of the app and calling you.

He needs to explain himself.

But what will he say?

The phone rings, rings, rings….

Waruck waits with bated breath, thinking you’re going to let it go to voicemail, but you answer. There is no cheerful “Hi Babe” or even a tired and drawn-out “Hey.” Instead all Waruck hears is a shaky sigh, waiting for an explanation.

The words stay caught in Warucks throat, trying to find a way to maneuver and swing around to a solid excuse, a lie he hopes you won’t catch.

But he can’t, he can’t. Not to you.

So you make it easy for him, like you always do, and start the conversation off instead.

“Were you flirting with that girl?”

Waruck’s mind doesn’t give him a choice, the truth already spilling out like a tidal wave.

“Yes.”

Waruck hears you suck in a breath, before you shakily ask once more,

“Did you kiss her? Did you kiss her back?”

“Yes.”

There's 15 seconds of brutal silence as Waruck sits with his confession. In the moment, Waruck feels like he can hear your pounding heartbeat through the receiver.

You hang up.

---------

You hate the weather outside for two reasons.

One: You had far too much rum last night to enjoy any amount of sunlight. And,

Two: On a terrible morning like this one, it feels unfair that there aren't any dramatic thunder storms.

The bell rings on the cafe door as you walk in, causing you to wince as you pull down your sunglasses.

Thank god for the low lighting of these cafes.

You rub your brow, eyes scanning the menu above the bar. Some caffeine should do you good, at least with your headache.

But when you spot him, tucked away at a table, tapping his foot, all that aching pain seems to fall to your subconscious. Before you can meet eyes, you look away, forcing yourself to re-read the menu and blink away your tears.

You face the inevitable when you put in your order, turning to walk towards Waruck. He’s locked his gaze into the wood grain of the table, his large body hunched up and small, like he wants to sink into the shadows. He looks like shit, with large bags under his eyes and a nervous tension in his face.

He startles when you pull out a chair, sitting down across from him, but quickly curls back into his ball of shame. He looks so guilty, a small part of you wants to comfort him and tell him it’ll be alright.

You punch away that part of you with a baseball bat.

“Why did you flirt with her?”

Waruck says nothing. He looks at you with his tired eyes, big and racked with guilt.

I don’t know. They whisper.

Your fingers dig into your jeans, anger boiling up and through your nerves.

That’s not a good enough answer.

“Were you,” You suck in a breath, trying to control your volume, “Were you going to sleep with her? If I hadn’t called you, would you have-”

“No!” Waruck nearly shouts, shaking the table as his knees bang against the bottom, but he recoils once he sees the way you flinch. “No, I wasn’t going to.”

Those pesky tears press against your eyelids once more. You can feel your nails digging indents into your thighs.

“I don’t know if  I can believe that.” You whisper, failing to catch the crack in your voice.

Waruck’s brow furrows as he nervously chews his bottom lip. He tries to meet your gaze, but you seem to look right through him.

“I know.” Waruck sighs, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

There's a tenuous silence; Waruck tries to find the words to fix things  while you focus on the details of the cafe walls, examining every nook and cranny as you try not to sob.

“I-I understand if you don’t trust me. I understand if you hate me, or you want to break up. But please, please know that I love you, and that I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I’ve been kicking myself over flirting with that girl because I love you so fucking much. I-”

You hold up your hand, stopping Waruck in his tracks. He realizes how loud he’s been talking and that people are beginning to stare. He huddles back into his corner, tucking his hands into his lap. You let out a long breath. Waruck takes the risk and looks up.

When his eyes finally meet yours, he realizes just how sad you look. A treacherous tear has begun falling down your cheek, sending a lightning bolt of remorse into Waruck’s chest.

You take in another deep breath, wiping away the tear with the back of your hand. You look at Waruck, exhausted.

“I don’t,”  You falter, but catch yourself, “I don’t want to break up with you. I just don’t know if I’m ready to forgive you yet.”

Waruck nods, fiddling with his fingers.

“Of course, I get it-”

“I’m not done.” Waruck quickly shuts his mouth. “You hurt me, Waruck. Hurt me in a way I don’t think I’ll ever forget. So I need time. Time before I can even see you again without thinking,” You hiccup, but this time you let the wave of emotion hit you, full force.  “Without thinking about that night.”

A lady calls out your order, but neither of you makes a move. You sit in each other's presence, trying to wrap yourselves around the mess of emotions, trying to read the others mind without seeming too obvious.

You both sit here, in the presence of something that's been broken, damaged in a way that’s cut the heart of your chest and slams them on the table. There’s a crack that runs down between you two, inching open more and more with each breath.

But somehow, somehow, you both think you have a chance of fixing it.

[what-i-call-men]

Jiggle physics

Jeff Pfister x female!reader

Warnings: SMUT, dominant reader, sub Jeff, some degradation towards Jeff, a bit of voyeurism at the end (reader finds out mutt saw the whole thing)

Request: My fic thought for the night (up for grabs) but it’s Jeff pfister. Reader is a dancer/instructor and Jeff studies her for “jiggle physics”. Thought is definitely a smut

One again I am stealing a picture from @copy-of-a-cheeto because I love the icons they make. Thank you!!

Also thank you to @divineruler for proof reading

It was another day for you to begin with. You were working at a small gym in town after your other job hadn't really worked out. You were freshly graduated from college and needed somewhere to work while you looked for other opportunities, a gym was your best option. Now you weren't an avid gym person, but you did enjoy dancing so you ended up instructing a Zumba class. It was more of a hip hop class because your gym was right near a college town, and early 00s Spanish didn't reach college kids as much as hip hop and rap music.

This week you had specifically scheduled a dirty Thursday class, uncensored music and a lot of confidence boosting music. You were doing your last few songs, pushing everyone to their "sexy limits" as you put it. You had stripped off your tank top, now just in your sports bra and leggings. When you were stripping off your top, you had a few of your regulars whistle or cheer, some even joining you as they knew the choreography. You ended your last high energy song and started your cool downs, opting to leave the shirt off as you were definitely sweating right now.

The slow sounds of Just the two of Us by Grover Washington jr played through the speakers as you instructed your class to stretch out. As you faced them, you couldn't help but catch a glance of blonde hair from outside the glass doors to the room. It looked familiar but you couldn't put your finger on it as you continued your instruction. After you finished your cool down, you moved to gather your things as some of the students chatted with you. One of your best friends had walked out to run to the locker room and came back, running up to you and pinching your arm a bit. "You'll never guess who is outside looking for you." She whispered so others wouldn't hear.

Turning to her you rubbed the now pained part of your arm and raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Um I don't know, Ryan Reynolds ready to sweep me off my feet?" You asked and reached down to pick up your gym bag and tank top, choosing to toss it in the bag rather than putting it on. Your friend followed you out of the classroom with the rest of the remaining class. "No, it's fucking Jeff and Mutt from high school." She whispered and nodded to the front desk where they stood, talking to a receptionist. You looked at them for a second.

"And they have those same dumb haircuts from when they were 12." You choked back a quiet laugh as you approached the front desk. Mutt saw you first and then elbowed Jeff to look up at you. "Hey boys, long time no see." You said and walked up to the pair, holding out your membership card to the front desk people to clock you out. "What warrants such an abrupt visit from the resident horny weeb club." You said and led the boys out, your friend keeping a close distance behind the group.

"Hey y/n, can we talk to you alone? We have a job offer for you?" Mutt said and glanced at your friend. You stopped outside the gym and nodded to your friend to go to the car you shared. "What job could you two possibly have for me? Last I heard you guys were just trolling random people online and spam liking my Instagram pictures." You said and crossed your arms. You weren't really friends with the two in high school, but you did have a friendly teasing relationship with them, rather than really making fun of them like others did. You were really only nice because you never knew who'd end up going crazy, and you'd rather not be on someone's shit list.

"We recently ran into... a lot of money. And we wanted to hire you at our robotics company." Jeff said and gestured excitedly at you. He definitely was on something from the way he had a shake to his hands. "Uh... you two know I majored in archeology? I don't know the first thing past how to google." You said and looked mainly at Jeff. God if he didn't have that stupid haircut still, you'd be tempted to say he got hot. He's got a pretty good body and he looked pretty good in comparison to Mutt. It would help him a lot if he didn't still dress and look like he was 12.

"We're aware. It has nothing to do with your degree. Here, this is what you'd make if you come to work for us." Mutt grabbed a card from his pocket and a pen that hung from your bag pocket. When he handed you the paper you had to blink at the numbers for a second. "Annually?" "Weekly" Jeff corrected your question. You stared at the paper for a second. "How do I know you guys aren't just high or something? How'd you even find me?" You asked and Mutt and Jeff looked at each other before Jeff grabbed his keys from his pocket. He clicked the unlock button and a Rolls Royce beeped from where it was parked only a few spots away from where you stood. "If you're interested come pay us a visit." Mutt pointed at the business card he had handed you and the two walked to the car before you could say anything.

When you got home of course you researched the company name on the card. Kineros Robotics had made actual headlines and pictures of the men were on different sites about their sudden influx of money to their company from a generous anonymous donation. You glanced at the card and pursed your lips before pulling up Instagram, going to Jeff's page, glancing at the pictures he's posted and biting your lip. God you could really tell he was either still a virgin or very submissive in some sense. He wasn't like any of the gym bros that hit on you or messaged you. With a small surge of courage, you hit the 'message' button and typed out a quick text.

After messaging back and forth about the job opportunity for about two days, you found yourself standing outside the main entrance to the robotics lab. You walked down the hall to see glass doors and just a buzzer. You buzzed and were quickly let in. "You guys should get a receptionist or someth-" your words were cut off when you saw what was really in the room. There were humanoid robot figures and a lot of latex parts just laying around. A lot of these parts were tits or asses, all different shapes and sizes but there seemed to be something off with all of them.

"Hey I'm glad you made it. You can set yourself up in the room over there." Mutt said as he stared down at his computer. The room was all white, some windows around but pretty much all of them had shade covering them with little to no light peeking through. There was a pile of white powder sitting at each desk. Oh so they were coked out and making sex dolls. What the actual fuck did this have to do with you? "Set my stuff up...?" You asked softly and Jeff stood from his desk to lead you to the room.

"I didn't tell you what you were here for?" He asked as he opened the door to the next room. You shook your head and looked at the hardwood floor and speaker set up. "We need you to be a model. See... our last few latex prints came out... less than desirable- jiggle wise. Our math was way off and we need these to be as real as possible." Jeff said and walked to a small cabinet in the corner of the room. "I need you to put this on so we can monitor your motions to make our robots more realistic." He said and handed you what was barely any cloth. It looked like those dotted suits superheroes wore so their suits could be cgi but instead of a suit it was a bikini top and what is pretty much a skimpy pair of bottoms that were basically bathing suit bottoms with how little they covered.

"Jeff, you didn't mention this." You said and took the clothes slowly as he headed back out to the door. "Just put those on and I'll be back in a few." He said and glanced over your body again quickly before closing the door. You decided to send a quick text to your best friend- just a "here's what I'm doing in case I get murdered" text. After that you slipped the clothes on and stared at yourself in the mirror beside the little cabinet. You could tell this was a makeshift dance room. That was probably what they were looking for. Good thing jiggle physics was your thing in class.

Jeff came back a couple minutes later with a laptop in his hands. He stopped and gulped when he looked over your body in the skimpy outfit, quickly opting to sit on the ground as he monitored the points on the laptop. "Go ahead." He said and positioned the laptop on his lap, having to adjust himself a bit a couple of times. "Jeff... I need music." You said and moved to grab your phone, nodding to the speaker system, him shrugging and letting you do so. As you leaned over the speaker you glanced in the mirror beside you and he was very much staring right at your ass. God if he wasn't such a virgin you'd probably be disgusted. That was probably why they didn't know the right jiggle physics for a woman's body.

You started playing some of your best twerk music, trying to shake off how weird it was to have just Jeff staring at his computer then back to you as you danced. You tried to just close your eyes and get into the choreography as you ignored the awkwardness of Jeff obviously having a boner and you just twerking for him to collect data. You did a few hip swirls and then some quick shakes, glancing at yourself in the mirror. Honestly as you looked you didn't realize you had given Jeff a perfect look of your ass. He ran a hand through his hair as the song began to wrap up. You went to your phone to change the song and decided to strike up a small conversation.

"So… are you getting good data?" You asked and just got a simple nod from Jeff, his stupidly cute bowl cut bobbing back and forth as he nodded. "So you're making sex robots huh?" You asked as you looked through your playlist nonchalantly bending over a bit to give Jeff a good view of your chest. He once again responded with a nod as you started the next song. It was a bit more sexy than the last one. "Why don't you monitor the jiggle physics of sex then?" You asked as you lowered the volume of the song, starting your choreography, which included some moves where you're on the ground, shaking and bouncing as if you were riding someone. "I'm sure they are more accurate than me dancing." You said as you pushed yourself down to the ground chest first with your ass up and facing Jeff.

He adjusted a bit and you moved yourself a bit closer to where he was seated as he chose not to answer you. "If you want more accurate results Jeff, you need the jiggle physics of sex." You stated and gently moved the computer off his lap, placing it on the ground as you gently moved to straddle his legs. "The reason you and Mutt can't get the math right is because you need to really experience a woman's body during sex and neither of you could rope in a girl to fuck you for science. Am I right?" You asked Jeff as you leaned into him, settling yourself on his lap. His face was so red as his eyes kept flicking from your chest to your face. He just nodded silently to your question.

"Jeff, I'm gonna need you to verbally respond to me. I want to hear you say it." You said and ran your hands from his shoulders and down his chest. He took a deep shaky breath. "Fu- I need you to fuck me for science." He said softly and looked up to you as you tutted at him.

"No honey, the other thing." You said and pushed your fingers under the hem of his shirt. He gulped and took in another breath. "I can't get anyone to fuck me. Please y/n I need you." He pretty much whimpered under you as you pushed up to the balls of your feet, leaning forward and beginning to shake your ass a bit from where you sat on his lap. You rolled your hips slowly forwards and pushed your chest against his, leaning up next to his ear. "That's better." You whispered and then left a small wet kiss under his ear. Slowly working down his neck in small wet kisses and sucks.

You could feel his body tense as you reached down between you and gently palmed at him. God you could tell how hard he was without looking. You smirked a bit and continued to suck small hickies on his neck and under his ear as you quickly undid his button and fly, grabbing his dick from his boxers. Wow if you would've known he was packing you probably would've slept with him in high school, but everyone just assumed he wasn't and that was why he didn't get girls. You pumped him slowly and you could hear him let out small moans and whimpers, wanting to stay quiet on the off chance Mutt heard over the music.

As you pumped him you gently bit his earlobe to get his attention. "If you wanna get inside me baby, you gotta help me out." You said quietly and he nodded and willingly let you take his hands and place them on your ass. He gave a small gentle squeeze and you smirked as you felt him twitch in your hand. "God... fuck... holy shit..." he muttered as you rolled your hips against his thighs, wanting to at least stimulate yourself a little bit.

"You wanna make sure my monitoring is ok baby?" You whispered and he glanced over at the laptop, still reading the outfit you wore. You grabbed his cock again, now moving yourself to push your bottoms to the side. Slowly sinking down on to him, you could've sworn Jeff came right then. And he did. But that wasn't going to stop you from helping him out for the 'sake of science'. You grabbed his hands and placed them on your waist so as to not interfere with his readings. Slowly you began to bounce on him, feeling all parts of your body begin to bounce. Jeff was letting out the most sinful noises. Honestly it sounded like he only knew what moaning was from women in porn, but you didn't mind- honestly it was hot to have him be so responsive.

"Oh baby you're gonna be too loud, Mutt might interrupt us and you wouldn't want that would you? Don't want him to find you moaning like a whore for me." You said lowly as you reached up to gently squeeze his throat. He closed his mouth and nodded at you as you continued to bounce on him. God you could tell how close he was to coming again, but lord knows you weren't done with him. His moans got quieter but he still let out small whines from below you. You reached down to rub your own clit as you bounced on top of him. "Fuck baby, you wanna fuck me so bad? How about you get that data you need by pounding me from behind?" You muttered and climbed off of him.

He barely questioned you when you did so, only whining a little at the loss of contact. As you turned around and got on your knees, pushing your ass up in the air, he quickly moved to his own knees, pushing into you and beginning to thrust at a rapid pace. You could definitely tell his knowledge of sex is from video games and porn because he kinda went wild. He pounded hard and you couldn't help but moan out as he grabbed your waist with a tight grip. After he got a hang on his speed, he reached forwards and pulled you up, pushing you against the mirrored wall he had been leaning against, he paused momentarily to undo the bikini top, and as soon as it dropped to the ground he was grabbing your tits from behind.

You pushed back against him, your face now pushed against the foggy mirror as he thrusted into you hard. "Fuck.... fuck y/n." He grunted out quietly as his thrust became more sporadic and sloppy. You could tell he was gonna come again, so you reached behind your head and grabbed his hair firmly. "You're not coming again until I cum. You fucking hear me?" You groaned as he continued to thrust into you. He nodded and reached around in front of you, fumbling for your clit for a moment before you corrected his hand placement and showed him the correct movement. He rubbed quickly and in pace with his thrusts, you could tell from his look in the mirror that he was trying so hard not to cum.

As soon as you finally reached the edge, you let out a loud and pretty pornographic moan of his name mixed with some swearing and praises. "God... fuck Jeff you feel so good in me. I want you to cum baby. I want you to cum in me baby." You thrusted back on him and kept your hand firmly tugging at his hair. It was only seconds before he was coming in you, his own face twisted in pleasure as you looked at him through the mirror. He slowed to a stop and slowly removed himself from you. You only caught your breath for a couple moments before there was a knock on the door.

"Hey those were good readings, we're gonna need you here again tomorrow so we can get some other position readings." Mutt called through the door. You looked at Jeff. "Could he see the reading the whole time?" You asked Jeff quietly. He bit his lips and nodded. "I assumed you knew because you saw this room through the glass when you walked in." Jeff said and pointed to the mirror which was in fact a one way mirror you had seen walking in from the lab, which you falsely assumed was a window because of the shade. "So mutt saw the whole thing?" You asked softly, slowly piecing everything together. Jeff nodded, scared you were gonna be upset. You only shrugged and reached over to gently grab his throat again. "Guess now he knows how good of a whore you are for me then." And god if he hadn't just come, Jeff probably would've come again from that action alone. Damn you were gonna have fun working here.

[4rainynite]

Infinity Train Headcanons

Just a bunch of Infinity Train headcanons I've come up with, I'm only doing five per character so it won't too long. I'm mainly gonna focus on the passenger characters and do the denizens later on. Majority of them have been posted on @infinity-train-headcanons already (awesome blog by the way), but whatever here we go:

Tulip

The reason Tulip loves onions so much is because when her mother was pregnant she craved onions a lot. Mrs. Olsen thinks onions are okay at best, but Tulip loves them.

Tulip is fairly athletic (that explains why she could do all those stunts on the train), but prefers gaming and coding. Her classmates that are on sports teams are greatly annoyed that she won't join.

Despite Lake being gone she can still take pictures of herself on cameras or through a selfie (and sometimes see herself in water), because those are images not reflections.

Tulip would so adopt a corgi and name him “Atticus the 2nd” and put miniature crowns on him.

When Tulip goes to Oshkosh she'll based her game on her adventures on the train. Not only will it be super popular, but some of the other campers and counselors will suggest some cars because some of them were passengers as well.

Lake

After, Lake left she accidently started a revolution in the Chrome Car. In the end (in a future fanfic of mine) there will be peace and Lake and a certain group of passengers will help.

Lake won't be able to start school immediately (due to Tulip being in middle school and Jesse being in high school) , but she is able to do homeschooling. Come next school year she'll be at school with Jesse

Lake lives in the Cosay's attic. They've tried to convince her/him/them (other pronouns) to take the guest room, but Lake's cool with it. Mainly, because she/he/they gets a view of the lake she/he/ they named themselves after.

Lake is super into art! It's mainly abstract and black, but she loves it! The problem is Jesse's parents have to buy the spray paint for her.

Lake loves traveling to new places and Jesse brings her/him/them along when the swim team travels to different places.

Jesse

After, the train Jesse decides to join theatre class/club. He mainly gets background or understudy parts, but he loves to sing.

Is a Chicken Choice Judy fan and gets Lake and Nate into them. Jesse and Lake theorize that Chicken Choice Judy were passengers at one point.

Jesse becomes closer with his swim team to be friends, he is currently co-captain.

Jesse really misses Alan Dracula, so, Lake got him one of those deer plushies as a gift. Jesse put glasses on it and named it Alan Dracula the Second and Cuddliest.

Jesse always picks vampire movies during movie night at the Cosay house. I believe he really likes vampires .

Grace

Grace's parents so would've sent her to boarding school after the shoplifting thing instead of just talking to her.

Grace will be the last former Apex member to leave the train due to her number still being high. In the meantime she still helps passengers lower their numbers.

There is no way Grace was the only person to form a cult on the Infinity Train. Grace's was just the longest surviving one of eight years, I won't explain why Grace's was the longest due to... cult stuff.

Grace rarely got to see her maternal grandparents, due to her mother wanting to reject her low-class upbringing. From what little memories she had, Grace misses them.

Grace regrets what she put Hazel through and wants her back, but she knows her leaving was for the best no matter how much it hurts.

Hazel

I don't know why but I see Hazel as a vegetarian.

When Tuba found her she was a baby, not a baby turtle, a baby- baby.

She and Amelia will be close, but will never have a true mother - daughter relationship. I know Amelia is trying to get better, but she admitted she's not a caretaker.

She'll sing Tuba's Lullaby to comfort herself in stressful situations and whenever she feels she'll forget her.

Hazel will be adopted by Ryan and Min-Gi when she gets off the train and Tulip, Lake, Jesse, and Nate will be like siblings to her. Okay, okay, okay, I know that's a very long shot, but Hazel deserves happiness!

Simon

Was a boy scout or took a survival class, I mean how else would he know about frostbite in Le Chat Chalet Car.

Probably went to way too many funerals as a child. I'm going by what he said to Hazel about neighbors brining casseroles.

Simon would get into fights with his teachers and classmates about being right about every little thing, even as a he was a narcissist.

Simon so had a crush on Grace way before their 'awkward middle school kiss' . After, Grace's betrayal whatever feelings he had were gone.

Was a fantasy nerd and wanted to be a fantasy writer. His trilogy book would've had his character based off himself being made a king.

Ryan

Ryan and his youngest brother are the only two in their family who wear glasses.

Is still on good terms with his ex-girlfriends (Disco Girl, Punk Girl, and Hippie Girl). Yeah, they broke up, but Ryan wasn't their worse ex and was nice to them. They love telling Min-Gi embarrassing dating stories.

He most likely had suicidal thoughts, once off the train he tells Min-Gi and gets help through therapy.

Despite not gaining attention during his solo gigs he did make a friend or two during his stops like the lesbian couple at the party in the Twin Tapes. Which helps spread Chicken Choice Judy's music.

Ryan is very strong despite his scrawny appearance, due to carrying equipment, changing tires, and other heavy lifting activities.

Min-Gi

Was diagnosed with dyslexia at an early age. His parents worried this would hamper him so they would hire a tutor after school when he wasn't playing with Ryan.

Is a really good cook, but his main specialties are Korean dishes (his mother taught him) and breakfast food (working at Dumpty's Diner).

Has an artistic side, but rarely used it except for the Chicken Choice Judy t-shirt. Later on he designs the covers for CCJ's CDs.

He most likely has a bunch of older cousins. I think Mr. and Mrs. Parks had Min-Gi late, so he's the baby of the cousins.

To me Min-Gi never shown in interest in dating or romance. His parents tried to set him up a few of their co-workers' daughters, but nothing ever happened afterwards. He does love Ryan though.

Amelia

I believe Amelia will get off the train, but when she does majority of her friends and family and friends will be gone and will return to the train.

Amelia will allow Hazel to play with the denizens while she works on the train. She may not be a caretaker, but she remembers being a child and children need to have fun.

I think Amelia was jealous of Min-Gi and Ryan, since the two remind her of Alrick and herself in their youth and what could've been if he lived. She dubs them 'Destiny Rubbish Duet'.

Amelia would monitor the Snow Car frequently to make sure One would never leave or any passengers interacted with him. But, the one time in thirty years she set her clock on the wrong time to wake up, allowing Tulip to find One-One.

The day Amelia picked out her wedding dress was the same day she got the news of Alrick's passing.

Well, that was a long post. I may do more in the future, so I'll just end it here.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Dealing With People Who Don't Care (Ticci Toby X F!Reader)

Dealing With People Who Don't Care

[Ticci Toby X F!Reader]

[Warnings: slight language and calls to violence? Bullying, slight yandere behavior]

[AN: Requested from ѕρσσку яανισlι on Quotev! Idk if I'm ready to tell y'all that this was basically my first quarter of college.]

College wasn’t supposed to be like this, at least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. When you graduated from high school, you were told that petty drama and catty people were going to fade away because that was high school and this is college. Something new, something for young adults, and something you’d been looking forward to for far, far too long.

Truth be told, in high school, you didn’t really have any problems. You mostly got along with the people you did talk to and aside from a few arcs which you lovingly call ‘character development’, you generally kept your head down and to yourself which allowed you to stay off some of the cruller people’s radars. You were liked when it was necessary but ultimately stuck to yourself.

How did it all go so wrong?

When you first came in on orientation day, you’d met up with a group of girls and bonded on the train ride back to campus. There was a group chat made and you were a ready part of it. You felt nicely about your entire situation because these were nice girls, and they treated you like you held the sun and rose the moon. Is that what positive friendship was like?

For the first few weeks, everything with them was a bliss. Unfortunately, you were the only person from that group in your specific branch and major. This meant that you often spent most of your daylight hours alone or with yourself entirely. The other girls all had majors that were almost word for word the same, and that meant that they spent a lot of time together. Slowly, that had been growing closer and closer to each other and leaving you out.

It came in small doses at first, and you had chalked it up to your nature being so different from theirs. They were much more extroverted than you ever could have been. They were fire, and you were ice. But that did not mean that you were boring, or any less interesting, you were just quieter, preferring to take this just as softly. Wandering around the city with maybe one or two people, talking about the things that matter as opposed to getting wasted in a crowded apartment with fifty people who don’t even care about your wellbeing.

That’s what was different about you than them.

“Hey ladies,” you smile widely as you take your tray of food from the cafeteria to the table where all the girls sat. You notice that they’re all engrossed in conversation but quickly turn to greet you with smiles and waves.

“Hi, Reader! How has your day been?” Maria greets, her fingers gently tugging through her blonde hair. “Me and Georgina were just talking about you.”

Georgina nods and pats the seat next to her for you to sit down. “Yeah, what have you been up to?”

You take a seat next to the redhead and sip from your drink. “It was alright. With midterms coming up though… Little stressed,” you admit as the two girls sitting around you frown in response. “Lots of essays, some minor discussion posts, a group project but we’re just starting it early because it counts for like, 20 percent of our grade and is part of our final,” you say as you stab into your food.

“Oh? A group project?” Georgina asks with a raise of her eyebrow.

You nod. “It’s actually more like a partner project. I’m paired with this guy named Toby? But like, I haven’t seen him yet - he doesn’t show up to class,” you sigh.

“Maybe try emailing the professor,” Maria suggests. “But I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” she hums with a small smile, her hand reaching over and gripping yours warmly.

From there, the conversation that follows has you drifting away. By now, a third girl has joined the conversation and her name is Helena. Helena is also in the same class as you with the group project, but she isn’t as close to you as Georgina and Maria are. She greets you just as warmly but she turns the conversation in a direction you weren’t expecting.

Laughter rings out from the table.

“And that guy from last night?” Georgina giggles.

“He was insane!” Maria adds. “You have to come inside!” She mockingly says before bursting into another fit of giggles.

“And he dressed so weirdly,” Helena continues. “Ratty as all hell jacket and then followed us into the theatre? Asked to show us magic tricks-” she’s not even able to finish her words because she’s laughing much too hard.

You tilt your head slightly. “What happened last night?” You ask.

The girls pause for a moment. “Don’t worry about it,” Georgina says as she swats off your question. “You weren’t there.”

“This was last night?” You ask again.

They nod.

“Yeah, wasn’t anything special,” Maria attempts to shrug off before those three continue with their conversation and inside jokes.

You eat in silence, every now and then smiling and offering forced laughter as you think about what you did last night. You weren’t doing anything, in fact, your roommate went out on a date with her boyfriend and left you in the dorm all along. So, you finished your work a little early and started on some other things, then watched Netflix and fell asleep before midnight. You were free the entire night.

And they didn’t even think to invite you.

From there, you started to notice all the times they forgot about you and excluded you. It carried on in the sloughed off invites, the ‘sorry we can’t meet up for dinner,’ and generally just avoiding you. They had jokes they couldn’t share with you, and you were at their side, they acted like you weren’t even there until it faded into nothing.

Reader: Are you guys doing anything tonight?

Maria is typing…

Maria: no not tonight :(

Reader: oh okay! But if any of you want to come to Target with me or something..? Maria: sorry, I’m busy!

Georgina is typing…

Helena is typing…

After that, they’d left you on read, not even bothering to answer you. Later that night on snapchat, you saw the three of them wandering the city without you, laughing and having a good time.

Instead of talking to them right away, you focused on your classes and your work. And that meant finally tagging down toby.

You’d managed to finally get him in your sight after emailing your professor who struck some type of fear into him. You were able to meet him face to face at a little cafe somewhere off campus.

“Over h-here,” he calls out from near the window of the cafe, waving you towards the back.

You flash him a quick smile and let it fall before finally taking a seat across from him. You’re slightly surprised to see that there’s a cup of hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin is there waiting for you. “Oh, uh, thank you,” you say as you get comfortable.

“It’s n-nothing,” he says with a small smile. “I-I’m sorry for k-keeping you w-w-waiting all t-this time,” he continues in an apologetic tone. “T-Things with my f-family aren’t e-easy right n-now.”

Not wanting to push him, you nod and smile reassuringly. “It’s okay,” you relent. “So, this project..?”

“It’ll b-be a breeze,” he replies. “D-Don’t worry about i-it, yeah?” He picks up his own cup of hot chocolate to fight off the child of mid autumn and nods to you, his dark eyes scanning over your form. “I w-wanna know j-just who I’m w-working with.” He smirks slightly, the corners of his mouth pulling up like a know-it-all cat.

You look into your cup of hot chocolate and shrug. “Nothing too interesting,” you attempt to slide off.

Toby rolls his eyes. “Calling b-bull,” he snorts. “You l-look stressed. W-What’s on your m-m-mind?”

You sigh deeply and relax your body as you think back to the situation with those girls. “It’s nothing.”

Toby hums once more but does not push you. Deep down though, he knows something is wrong.

And that’s how it carries on. You and Toby meet every so often to work on your presentation and your paper together and your so called friends continually leave you in the dust. Before you know it, you’re spending more and more time with Toby than anyone else, and because of that, you don’t feel nearly as alone as you used to.

From Toby’s perspective, he would never tell you what he thought when he first saw you walk through those doors of the cafe to finally meet him in person.

When he first got that email in regards to him not showing up and worrying you, he’d rolled his eyes and pretended it didn’t matter. It was whatever, who cares? Apparently you. With a slight gripe in the back of his head, he looked you up on social media with the help of a friend named Ben and found all that he needed to know just by looking at your profile. He was almost ashamed to admit how enraptured with you he had become. That’s why he was so adamant you met him at a cafe, where he could spend time with just you.

When he saw you walking through the doors, his eyes scanned over every inch of you. You had a slight bounce in your walk despite it being so chilly.

He wondered if you wanted to be warmed up.

You looked so soft in his eyes, so sweet and so alluring. Just your looks alone was all he needed as water for a growing obsession.

Toby is addictive by nature. Seeing you was what allowed that addiction to take off. When he heard your voice? He felt like he was high.

He knew something was wrong with you when you sighed like that. It was a loaded sigh. Of course, after the two of you parted ways for the night and on good terms, he immediately dug into the lives of your so-called ‘friends.’ Let’s just say that damn near instantly, he did not like them.

Maria, a nursing major. He considered her an air head that wouldn’t get anywhere with substance, and saw that she was much more of a party girl than anything else.

Georgina, another nursing major. Also considered her a lost cause.

Helena, a medical assistant major. Toby considered her the worst one, but it didn’t come at first. He found that girl was vile in every sense. The things he’s overhead her saying about other people? Terrible. The things he’s overhead her saying about you? Absolutely unacceptable.

He noticed her whispers that cut like thorns wrapping around you from the shadows as he sat in class near her, but never next to her. He listened to the filth that poured from her mouth and was able to pick up the conversations from her phone like it was nothing.

And all of that? It lit a fire in him, a fire that would eventually burn her down and scorch her until she was nothing but ashes.

You’re about to head to class and present your final project with Toby. You look like a mess, and it’s not just from the lack of sleep because of your other class’s finals, but because you are absolutely emotionally drained and have nothing left to give. You’d finally formally broken up from those girls, but it did not come without tears.

Reader: hey guys, it’s been a little while, but I just wanted to get some things off of my chest before I call it. First and foremost, I want to thank you for the time we did spend together, but I don’t feel safe or happy anymore. These past few weeks have been nothing but straight ice and being left out and I’m just… I’m tired, for a lack of better words. I know that you don’t really want me around anymore, so I thought I’d just nip this one in the bud before it got out of hand or anything like that. I just - whatever, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to offend you.

Georgina is typing…

Georgina: Honestly don’t take this the wrong way but you legitimately brought this all onto yourself.

Georgina: you don’t really talk to us the way that we talk to each other

Reader: but you literally never gave me a chance???

Maria: shes right tho,,,,, like, you just always kept to yourself. You didnt really give us anything to go off of

Georgina: right??? And it’s not like she’d actually do any of the things we wanted to do either

Reader: I’m sorry but like, I offered for you guys to come do some things with me and I even asked for you to tell me when you guys were making plans - I would have gone out

Helena: does it even matter now though? You brought literally all of this onto yourself there’s no use for you to just beg us for you to come back lol. Just stop while you’re ahead

Helena: you were never really there to begin with tbh you just kinda existed

Maria: exactly that! Like im glad we’re getting stuff off our chest because omg did you get on my nerves. Always quiet and just watching??? Never saying anything??

Georgina: RIGHT It was like a literal ghost in the room LMFAO

Reader: are you fucking serious right now?

Reader: you’re going to act like this?

Maria: you brought it on yourself

Helena: it was bound to happen

Reader: I cannot believe you guys are acting like such assholes right now

Maria: you did it first though?????

Helena: ^^^^

Georgina: ^^^^

From there, the conversation had delved into them throwing all of their problems onto you. It honestly felt like projecting, but you had a class to go to and project to present and no time to cry.

You wiped your tears, got ready for the day and headed out to your building from out of your dorm. Soon, you would be on break and away from this place that’s driving you up a wall.

You walked across campus and plastered a faint smile on your face as you continued to move through the nippy air. You enjoyed seeing the leaves as they danced on the flowing air and eventually kissed the sidewalk. You could smell pumpkin spice and the remnants of November. What a beautiful season.

Waiting for you outside of Wendell’s Hall was Toby, hands in his pockets as he leaned up against the wall just beside the door.

“Were you waiting for me?” You ask with a small smile.

“Maybe,” he hums with a small smirk. “C-C’mon, it’s a little c-chilly out here,” he says as he gently shuffles you inside after opening the door for you. He watches you carefully as you walk through the halls and find the elevator to get to the sixth floor.

As the two of you wait for the doors to open, Toby checks you over.

“What?” You say with a small chuckle.

“J-Just checking,” Toby hums. “A-Are you okay?” He asks as the doors open. He nods for you to go in first, and then follows in directly after. He watches your finger press the button for six.

“Why?”

“You s-seem a l-little tense,” he says as he looks over you again, his eyes narrowing in on yours. “I-Is it the p-presentation?”

You hold your hand out and make a ‘so-so’ motion. “I guess,” you reply, attempting to shove off anything that might make you cry again. Your eyes are a little dark, and your skin is still soft from the saline, raw from you rubbing those pearls of water with your sleeves repeatedly.

“You w-wanna talk a-about it l-later?” He asks softly, his hand resting warmly on your shoulder as he brings you into his side.

You look up at him and smile. “We’ll see.”

When the doors open, you and Toby quickly make it to your class and are pleased to see there’s spots open and the two of you can sit together. Toby is quick to snag the seats for the both of you and his warm expression falls when he sees Helena waltzing into the room.

Helena sits a little ways from where you and Toby sit before she wiggles her fingers at you like a nonverbal smile before actually turning her lips up in a fake saccharine smile.

You shift uncomfortably and instead focus on your presentation. You feel a little nervous, mostly because Helena is here and this is also a big chunk of your grade. You’re academically passing with flying colors, but a hiccup like this could spell something bad. You breathe out deeply when you feel Toby’s hand resting on your shoulder, grounding you.

“We g-g-got this,” he says with a small smile, squeezing you lightly. “You w-wwanna get it out of the w-w-ay?”

“No,” you reply suddenly. “I just want to see how this goes.”

Toby nods and turns his attention to the other students that continue to walk through the door. “A-Anything for y-y-you,” he says softly.

You barely hear it, but you smile all the same.

Presentations pass in a pretty boring manner. Your professor seems pleased with everyone that presents, and she offers praise and saves the criticism for emails, but so far, it seems like everyone is doing well! You’re almost fully calm by the time you raise your hand to present but when Helena and her partner begin snickering, your heart sinks to your knees.

“Alright, you two are good to go,” your professor says with a warm, reassuring smile on her face after she pulls up your project on the overhead projector. “Giving the remote to Miss Reader, whenever you two are ready.” She holds the remote out to you and then whispers ‘you’re gonna do great’ before taking her seat in the front row.

You silently thank her for her reassurance and then turn your attention to Toby, who begins the presentation.

You make sure to speak clearly and concisely as you present your project, paying close attention to detail and everything that was outlined on the rubric. You watch your professor’s expression light up brighter and brighter as you carry on with your half of the presentation. It seems that she’s really pleased with the both of you, but especially you!

Your big hiccup comes when the questions part of your presentation comes up.

See, prior to this, the questions portion had been empty and pretty dead. But of course, because Helena is here, she’s dead set on making you flop.

When she starts firing questions, you and Toby answer them to the best of your abilities. Admittedly, you are more than mentally dead at this point. With every question that Helena digs into you, you feel your brain cells dying off at an even faster rate. The lights of the projector bore into you and make you dizzy. You’re just… exhausted.

Helena finally poses a question that makes your face heat up. “So?” She taunts, her eyes looking at you innocently. “I just wanna know,” she continues, her eyes flashing.

You should be able to answer this. It’s so simple and right there in your bank of knowledge you just can’t open the vault.

“Miss Reader..?” Your professor quietly asks, pulling you from your thoughts. “Are you able to-” You shake your head, feeling numb and cold all at the same time. “I’m sorry, no,” you whisper. It was one of the first things you learned in the class and one of the most important.

Your professor nods and mouths, ‘don’t worry,’ before turning to the rest of her class. “Alright then, you two are dismissed. Give them a round of applause for their work.”

The applause surrounds you but you do not feel it, and when you move back to your seat, you can’t help but feel embarrassed. The looks that you get from those around you are of pity and ‘she hasn’t learned anything this quarter, has she?’ It makes your face burn with embarrassment and you feel so unnaturally warm because of it. A rush of emotions comes over you when you see Helena’s shifty glances and hear her insipid giggles and you hurriedly get your things together and bolt out of the classroom.

Toby shoots up when you rush out and he’s not able to catch you. Instead, he sits in for the rest of the class to give you some space and anything else the professor may say. His glare is turned on Helena. When she flashes him that same sickly sweet, mocking smile, he sees red.

Class ends shortly after that, the professor clearly uncomfortable with whatever just happened with Helena and Toby is keeping his ire hidden until what comes after he deals with you. He’s got a few choice things in mind he’d like to do to Helena, mostly spinal disfigurement and popping bones from their joints and scattering them across the country, but he knows he has to play this as slimy as she did. He’s already conjuring up ways to academically cripple her.

Toby pushes those thoughts to the side before he makes his way to your dorm. He’s nodding to the guy at the front desk and running up the stairs to find you faster than his thoughts can even gather. He just wants to make sure you’re okay.

He walks through the hall of your floor before going over the room numbers. He’s only been in your dorm once - the two of you tend to spend time with each other outside of the campus. Twenty four hour McDonalds, out and about in the city, public parks, the two of you just like wandering. When he sees the numbers of your dorm, he internally sighs and knocks. “H-Hey, Reader? Y-You in t-t-there?” He asks as he knocks again.

From inside, you shuffle underneath your sheets. He’s here? You don’t answer.

“I j-just want to make s-sure you’re alright,” he continues in a soft voice. “If you n-need space though, I c-c-can go-” he barely makes the motion to move when you open the door just a crack.

You look up at Toby with dark, puffy eyes. You can’t bring yourself to say anything, but he can see that you’ve been through hell and back emotionally. You look like a mess, in less graceful words.

“Oh g-gods,” he murmurs as you push open the door just a bit more. “R-Reader,” he says softly as he takes you into his arms, his shoe gently pushing the door closed as you wrap your arms around his waist, taking in the scent of graphite and sandalwood as you sob into his chest. “What h-happened, s-sweetheart?” He asks softly as he rocks the two of you back and forth.

You continue to cry into his chest and grip onto the back of his hoodie as he gently maneuvers you to the side of your bed to let your tired body rest. “S-She’s so mean!” You cry as you continue to squeeze your eyes shut, still gripping Toby like he’s the only thing grounding you.

“What h-have they d-d-done to you?” He inquires in a tone just a little louder than a whisper. Internally, he knows he’ll make all three of those demons suffer and leave the school, by any means necessary. He just wants to hear it from you to know how hard he needs to fuck up their lives. Judging by this interaction alone? It’s monumental.

You then go into a painful detailing of everything those girls have ever made you feel, at one point even bringing up the chats you have saved on your phone. Your breathing begins to even, but Toby’s vision grows redder and redder.

He listens to everything you say as you recount your pain to him and he grits his teeth. Especially those chats - those are unforgivable.

You’re exhausted by the time you finally finish telling him everything they’ve made you feel and the things they’ve done to make you feel this way. You finish it with just a few more words. “They make me feel so small,” you admit through sniffles and broken breaths. “They just - they made me feel so left out and so insignificant,” you admit, still wiping away tears.

Toby holds you tighter before one of his hands reaches up to cup your cheek. “N-No! You’re n-not insignificant, you’re e-everything and m-more,” he begins to ramble. “Y-You’re s-s-so smart and p-put together and o-on top of i-it,” he continues, his thumb wiping away your residual tears.

“You’re just saying that-”

“I w-would never,” he cuts you off in a tone that’s more serious than he intended. “I m-mean everything I s-s-say and those g-girls suck. They d-don’t hold a candle to you,” he says as he cups your face.

“Toby…”

Toby hushes you by pressing a soft, almost scared he might spook you kiss to your lips as if he’s testing the waters. When you make no motion to fight him, he presses just a little more fervently before pulling away, leaving you with stars in your eyes. “I’ll handle e-e-everything, okay?” He promises softly, watching as the stars fade to exhaustion. “G-Get some r-r-rest,” he coos.

You allow him to lay you down as he moves the blankets to cover you before he gets up to turn off the lights. “You’re going to handle it?” You whisper as you allow sleep to veil over your body.

“Y-Yes, I’ll handle e-e-everything,” he promises again, flicking the lights off.

Toby fumbles through the dark for just a moment before slipping back into bed with you, allowing you to wrap around him like an octopus. He cradles you in his arms, his lips pressing to your forehead. “Sleepy t-time,” he mumbles as you cuddle into his chest.

You smile softly and feel your body go light, only anchored by Toby’s warm embrace.

[d-criss-news]

Nine Songs: Darren Criss

When Disney, Phantom Planet and Mr Hudson collide: Glee star, Emmy and Golden Globe winner and musician Darren Criss talks Andrew Wright through the pivotal songs in his life and the unexpected ways they found him.

“When we are younger, our gateway drugs to a lot of popular things don’t come from the sexiest of places. It’s up to you how proactive you want to be with your curiosity from there, and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, if you go down at all.”

Choosing the songs that define you is a tricky business to say the least, especially when the power of song has provided an ongoing soundtrack to your life. “When you’re as avid a music consumer as musical artists are, trying to pin down Nine Songs is difficult,” Darren Criss laughs. So much so, his final choices only really crystallise as our conversation draws to its close. “It’s hard for me not to see the value and joy in literally everything,” he explains. “The curse of the creative person is that your ideas and your interests always move way faster than your body can execute.”

Criss is a creative par excellence. As well as his Emmy and Golden Globe winning performance in The Assassination of Gianni Versace, where he played serial killer Andrew Cunanan, to his upcoming role in Muppets Haunted Mansion Halloween special as The Caretaker, he’s also a prolific musician. Criss enjoyed a decadent musical consumption since childhood, so “this was a bit of an archaeological dig,” he admits. As such, everything from jazz standards, to 808s, punk rock, ‘90s teen pop, and musical numbers are excavated in the course of our extemporaneous journey through the music he loves.

Equally on his mind is how to go about approaching the task of creating his Nine Songs, full stop. “The interesting social experiment is: Are my answers going to be songs that actually shaped my life and were formative to me as an artist? Are they songs that were formative to me as a human being? Or am I picking songs that I think represent who I am to people that do not know me? All three of those things aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

He reaches a conclusion of sorts. “For the purposes of making some kind of decision, I’m gonna lean less into trying to look cool to your very cool readership, and more into the literal, ‘What made me think about music in a different way? And hit me in a very emotional way?’ I think that’s probably the healthiest route.”

Embracing the accessibility that characterises Criss’ picks - or at times the initial touchpoints that led him to them - are something he vacillates over during our chat. “I’ve seen a lot of other people’s Nine Songs and they’re super cool. It’s like Leonard Cohen B-sides and old opera records and stuff. I’m gonna be pretty honest with the pop culture zeitgeist of how I grew up but explain why there is so much value in those moments.” His contemplation continues into the next day, Criss’s publicist passes on his regrets at being tentative to admit how he encountered one of his song choices via the Shrek soundtrack.

A yearning to reinterpret accessibility and the value attached to it drives Criss, however. He tells me that a festival performance that applied the anarchic verve of punk rock to a more refined Great American Songbook number remoulded his perception of music entirely. His love of the fusion of these two genres in particular symbolises the salient musical backdrops of his childhood - the guitar bands he played in with friends, and his musical theatre endeavours that led him to Broadway and multiple Ryan Murphy juggernauts, including his breakthrough playing Blaine Anderson in Glee.

Criss employs these contrasting musical lexicons, and other areas in between, on Masquerade, his new EP. Comprising five stand-alone “character-driven” singles, it sees Criss donning different musical personas. “I’m leaning into people that might know me as an actor,” he explains. “Because if actors can do Shakespeare, romantic comedy, and then do a horror movie and wear a prosthetic nose and a wig, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just do that with music.” The song “walk of shame” draws on jazz-standard chords interlaced with hip-hop production, “i can’t dance” looks to new-wave, and “for a night like this” is the product of Criss’ goal to create the ultimate end-of-the-night crowd-pleaser for a new-year bash, wedding or bar mitzvah. “This is all of the parts of me as a lifelong fan of these genres, trying my hand at servicing the pieces of them that I love.”

“I really love all styles of music and understanding what makes them unique and special and what makes them really pop. There are so many things that really make things sing - for lack of a better verb - and I like acknowledging those things and celebrating those things.”

“So, let’s begin. I have runners up and shit, and I have artists, I don’t just have the songs, so we might have to pick them as we go.”

“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson

“When people read this, they’ll go ‘That’s cute, he likes Disney songs’, but it’s more profound than that. Some of the most formative pieces of music to hit me at a very early age would have been any of the songs that were coming from ‘The Disney renaissance.’ The early-mid ‘90s explosion of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and The Beast.

"One of the through lines between the three of those musicals was Howard Ashman, who is one of my all-time heroes. Dramaturg, songwriter - he really was the voice behind what made those songs great. I have always loved Howard’s lyrical sensibility and also Alan Menken, his partner who wrote these songs with him. There was a musical structure to a lot of the songs which I would unconsciously pick up in my own songwriting, not just musically, but the idea that not only did somebody make these songs, but they wrote them for a story.

“There’s a clip of Howard Ashman vocal directing Jodi Benson, who was the original voice of Ariel. It’s a wonderful example of his genius, where not only was he songwriting but he was storytelling in the way he would tell her how to perform it, and you can really see the song coming to life in that clip. That’s when you cross the street from ‘It’s a song’ to ‘This is an experience.’

"There are certain ingredients that are required to elevate music that goes beyond just a nice melody, a beautiful orchestration and a good voice. There are things that are required to really give a performance a characterisation, context and a vulnerability, that he architects in real-time with Jodi Benson. You see that what he’s doing is what makes the record so special, and that’s something that’s always been inspiring to me.”

“MMMBop” by Hanson

“I think my love of Hanson was because some people didn’t like it, so I was like ‘Fuck you, I like this, how do you feel about it?’ But this is difficult for me, because you know, I’m speaking to The Line of Best Fit and we’re trying to be cool! Although, do you know what’s cool? Being accessible! Writing a pop hit when you are 10 years old. Being in a band with your brothers and you’re all below the age of 15, you have a record contract where you are writing, producing and performing songs that are doing well.

“I was 10 years old when their first album Middle of Nowhere came out, and I remember reading somewhere that there were these kids that had a record. At the time, I was playing guitar and I was writing songs, but in my mind I was a kid, and that was it. I couldn’t be on the radio; you had to be a grown up to do this.

"This was the first time where I realised ‘Holy shit, kids can do stuff!’ It’s the value of seeing yourself in the media - that’s a whole other conversation to talk about - but there’s an immense value in feeling like there’s a piece of you out in the zeitgeist and doing well because it’s encouraging. You go, ‘Holy shit, maybe I can do this as well.'

“When you see children doing things, you’re ‘Wow, this is so cute and fabulous’, but then when you actually look at it you go, ‘This is miles above what most people in this age group are capable of,’ and that’s all I saw, because I was in the same age group and I was so inspired by that. This whole album was really a turning point for me, where I was like, ‘I can do this, I can do music too, because these guys can.'

“Ooh La La” by Faces

“This song really blew my mind. It became my own theme. It’s that ‘Make your heart sing’, nostalgic moment when you’re a teenager, driving in the car listening to it, playing guitar with your friends and you’re singing “I wish that I knew what I know now / When I was younger.” You’re like, ‘because I’m an adult now, I’m 15-years-old. If I only knew what I know now.’

“I was doing theatre from a young age and I was part of a young conservatory called A.C.T. in San Francisco. By way of somebody who knew somebody, I had an audition for a movie. As a kid not being near New York or Los Angeles it was really exciting, and this audition was for a film called ‘Max Fischer’, which would become the movie Rushmore, which would become one of my favourite movies of all time by the now very distinguished Wes Anderson.

“Separate from my own objective love of Wes Anderson, when this movie came out I was just around the age of getting into my own sort of identity with music, but also movies - indie movies - and trying to assert who I was. So, I see this movie Rushmore and I love it. I love the soundtrack, I love it so much, it’s one of my favourite albums ever. This song is the end sequence, and the way it made me feel - the vocals on it, I could play it on guitar and it was part of a cool movie - it really represented a lot in my life.

“And because of the acting thing, and Rushmore being great - it’s about this kid in high-school who's misunderstood but has his own agenda - everything about it was just so fucking cool to me. To this day, I cite that song as one of my favourite records of all time.”

“Recently Distressed” by Phantom Planet

“A guy that really formed the way I would sing and write songs is Alex Greenwald, the frontman of Phantom Planet. I went to see Phantom Planet because I loved Rushmore and I found out that Jason Schwartzman [who had been cast as Max Fischer] was also the drummer for a band called Phantom Planet.

"So, when I saw their name on the bill I went, but I didn't know their music. I was barely 14, but their set blew my mind. It was Rock and Roll, but I loved Alex Greenwald’s voice. I loved everything, and I would follow their career from there. I always tell people that my voice is a combination of me trying to be Alex Greenwald, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright, but failing. Alex was incredibly formative for me.

“One of their biggest records was a little while after I first saw them, which was the song for The O.C., "California." That was more of an Elvis Costello thing, and they employed a lot of stuff that sounded to me like The Beatles and a lot of ‘60s mod/pop-rock. But later they would employ things from Fugazi, Radiohead and harder shit, and that eclecticism, again, only accelerated my love for Phantom Planet.

“Recently Distressed” is from their 1998 album Phantom Planet Is Missing. This was a cool rock song that employed these George [Harrison] and Paul [McCartney] background vocals and included all of the things that I loved. It was harder but melodic and employed minor 4th chords and more complicated chords than I was used to. I had grown up with power chords - which are very Gregorian - on a lot of alt. punk rock, like Green Day or Nirvana, and if Kurt Cobain was using power chords then that’s how I was playing guitar. Hearing this music was like ‘Oh, I’m using full chords, not sevenths, minor 4th chords, diminished chords’, shit that I would learn to use more and more.

“When you haven’t experienced much, anything that gives a hint towards possibility, even though it’s probably always been there, you’re like, ‘I like this, I’ve always kind of liked this, but it’s very encouraging to hear somebody else do it and it’s gonna make me reconsider my possibilities.’ That was literally the moment that my power chords turned into full barre chords.”

“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“I forgot the other day how I got into Rufus Wainwright, because all of this stuff I was getting into quite young. It’s like when I talk to 11-13 year olds, it’s funny to think that this was when I was really starting to build my musical identity. But then I remembered, and I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to sound uncool, because he is such a revered artist who exists in a much cooler place than what I’m about to say.

“I loved soundtracks and I would always buy soundtracks for movies that had cool playlists. I had the Shrek soundtrack, and there’s a cover of Leonard Cohen’s seminal “Hallelujah” that Rufus does and he smashes it, and I’m like, ‘Who the fuck is Rufus Wainwright? What a beautiful voice.’ Then I saw that he was going to be at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco one week, so I go and he’s there promoting his new album Poses. I remember I didn’t have enough money to buy the album that day, so I had him sign my sneaker and I saved that shoe.

“The first song on Poses was “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, which is a very dark and reflective song about his own battles with addiction, but he’s singing it over this really beautiful, whimsical song that has a lot of really great wordplay. I always love when artists, especially lyricists, can encapsulate an idea with not exactly what they’re talking about. The song’s called “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, it’s not called “Addiction”. Its talking about things that he craved and how that’s representative of other things that he’s gone through. There was a sophistication and elegance to that that I really gravitated towards, that I didn’t possess but wanted to shoot for. So when I saw him, that was a big one for me and he would also continue to influence me later in my life.

“I’ve become friends with Rufus since. I’ve performed with him and we’ve made records together, which is crazy. His songwriting was very complex and punk-rock, but he had this classic cabaret voice, the kind of voice that I don’t have. I was fascinated that there was somebody that could write this really dark material but have such elegance on top of it. He was virtuosic on the piano, which I thought was very cool because musicianship is always the thing that gets me going the most about artists.

“You know what? People say, ‘Don’t meet your heroes.' I completely disagree. Chase the living fuck out of your heroes. I’ve spent a lifetime doing so, it’s made me a better artist, and I’ve sometimes got to meet them and work with them. I’ve worked on music with Alex Greenwald of Phantom Planet. I’ve performed with Hanson. I’ve performed those Disney songs with Alan Menken at The Hollywood Bowl.

"This is all because there are people that I love who I have put on my vision board, and the things that they have done are the things that are bringing me to them. So it is nuts, but at the same time you’re like, ‘Well, what else did you think would happen?’ They did stuff that some part of me connected with, so obviously there’s a magnetic pull towards that person.

“Rufus Wainwright is one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and like I said, me trying to sing like him and failing is a big part of my own journey as an artist.”

“3x5” by John Mayer

“John Mayer’s another guy that came around when I was 15. I heard a song of his on a middle-of-the-night, singer/songwriter college radio show. This is where I used to get music. You would listen to these carefully curated playlists that you wouldn’t be able to hear anywhere else, and the host played “No Such Thing”, a new song by this young kid who had just dropped out of Berklee College of Music - John Mayer.

“I’m listening to this song and I’m like, ‘Not only is this guitar playing really interesting, but the lyrical value and everything that is going on here ticks all the boxes.' It was jazz, but it was pop. And he did something that all these other guys and girls I’ve mentioned did. They made something very unique and very accessible.

“I immediately went out to buy this album, Room For Squares, and I listened to it over and over again. It was an album that was really formative for me. "3x5” is a really beautiful song that employs a lot of chord structures and melodies that blew my fucking mind at the time, and it made me wish that I could write songs like that.

“That album was a huge turning point in the way I played the guitar, because it was the first time in my life where I would look up tabs. Up until this point in my life, if I heard a song I could play it instantly. It was like a party trick, I would get how it worked if I heard it, because most of the songs I would hear on the radio - especially those that involved a guitar - were [centred around] power chords. And now I’m hearing all of these ninth chords and thirteenths, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ So I’d have to look up tabs.

“I think any young artist can attest to this - when you try and learn other people’s shit, it’s the best tool for educating yourself. Playing other people’s music really helps you lock in what your own style is. Trying to learn these songs - and sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not - really changed the way that my hands moved around the guitar and considered chords and voicings that I’d never really thought of.

“There’s another tie to musical theatre here, where I remember seeing Audra McDonald, who is a very venerated theatre actor, and she did a cabaret. If you’re familiar with cabaret culture, it’s more about performing the story of the songs – ‘Life is a cabaret’. She did a John Mayer song because she thought it was from a musical theatre show, and I was so tickled by this, because I was like ‘Yeah, if you really think about it, I don’t think he knows this and I don’t think his fan base even thinks about this, but there’s a number of his songs that feel very theatrical in the way that the lyrics play with each other and the way the chords move’.

"When I saw this I thought, ‘That is why I like John Mayer’, because yes, he’s an amazing guitar player, but he’s also a really strong songwriter.”

“Cabaret” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

“Also, around this time growing up in San Francisco, as a guitar player playing music with your buddies, the number one thing that you play is punk rock. There are different parts of the spectrum of punk rock, there's the NOFX, Swingin’ Utters, like real punk, punk. And then there’s the pop-punk thing that was happening at the same time, which was also equally influential - blink-182 and Green Day.

“Fat Mike was the frontman of NOFX. I loved NOFX, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were a supergroup of different members from different punk bands, of which Fat Mike was one of the main architects. They would cover songs and turn them into punk rock songs. They have an album of hits from the ‘60s, and they also have an album called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Are a Drag, and that record is just a tonne of musical theatre covers that are done through punk rock.

“That was completely in line with everything I loved at this time of my life but didn’t really know how to articulate. I loved punk rock but I also really loved musical theatre. Not only the performative element of it, but there was a real musicality to musical theatre that wasn’t as present in some of the other shit that was popular at the time, just harmonically, or where chords would go. There was a sophistication I loved that seemed to not exist in punk rock.

“Then hearing Fat Mike at The Warped Tour going ‘Alright, which one of you Motherfuckers loves Julie Andrews?’ and hearing a mixed bag of reactions, because people were ‘What? I was not expecting that from you, sir?’ And then they start playing “My Favourite Things”, a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein song which is very accessible, but sophisticated nonetheless. And I am just living. I’m like, ‘This has got the attitude and simplicity of punk rock, but the sophistication of a beautiful song.’

“That was the first time in my life where I went, ‘It’s just all music. All these categories and boxes are completely arbitrary.’ So I thought, ‘I can do that.' I was playing power chords in punk bands but I realised that you can take chords and make them into other rhythms and voicings and have the same song. I could take a punk song and make it jazz. I could take a jazz song and make it country. So, quite providentially, I would end up on Glee, where they took popular songs and would sometimes do their own versions.

“By that point, I had been doing this my whole life. The first time this ever became a possibility for me was seeing Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and that way of thinking about music and genre. I’ve put that into Masquerade, and it’s all born from that moment of ‘Oh my God, nothing has to be one thing. It’s just about how you look at it.'

“Cabaret” is from a pretty famous musical that I would’ve probably heard about later in life, but I first heard that song as a punk song and then I went back and heard the original. It doesn’t matter how these things happen, the inspiration happens and then you can go from there. But Me First and The Gimme Gimmes were a huge gateway drug and I play “Cabaret” now every year at my festival. That’s why the festival is called Elsie Fest, because it covers the song.”

“Modern Nature” by Sondre Lerche

“One of the great joys of being a younger brother is that you get to inherit the music of your elders. My brother and I were both really proactive consumers of music, so we would share stuff with each other all the time. But then he would come home from college, which is like coming home from a music festival essentially, right? He was in a new time zone with new people, so he’d bring home these mix CDs that he’d made from people that he’d heard about, and he brings home this guy named Sondre Lerche.

“Hearing this guy blew my mind, because he also was using jazz chords and drawing on musical theatre. Musical theatre’s a massive category, so I can’t just say that musical theatre sounds like one thing, but when I say this, I’m referring to The American Songbook, the jazz standard songbook. “Modern Nature” was a duet that I would go on to play many times with one of my oldest musical collaborators, Charlene Kaye. When we got to college and we both found out that we loved this guy.

“There was a much more whimsical way to how he wrote these songs. And what’s crazy is that loving this guy meant that we also loved Rufus Wainwright, that we also loved these other artists. But Sondre was the first time I considered that I loved that type of music, but I didn’t know that you could be a singer/songwriter and put out music that sounded like it.

“I don’t know if ‘twee’ is the right word to use, but with “Modern Nature” there was a playfulness about it, and again, a musicality that I really gravitated towards. There is a through line - there was a sophistication that was accessible, and me trying to learn those songs did make me rethink the way that I was writing music. The structures were weird and different and I liked that.

“To this day, I find myself writing songs that I think might be difficult for people to ingest, because they’re a little too left of centre, and I realise that I’m trying to write like Sondre Lerche, or I’m unconsciously just copying him.”

“Everything Happens to Me” by Mr Hudson & The Library

“I was in an H&M in Stockholm when I was 21, and I heard this really cool groove and the lyric was “Why must I always play the clown?” It was sung with a really thick British accent, had an 808 feel on it, and lyrically it had an attitude. Who would say something that sounds so like you’re in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical, but it feels hard? It was cool.

“I went home and looked this up and it was off the record A Tale of Two Cities by Mr Hudson and the Library, which would really, really fuck me up. I bought the album immediately because I loved this song. I had to order it on the internet because I couldn’t find it. It was doing well in England and he was on the festival circuit in the early-mid 2000s, but the first song on the album was a musical theatre cover with 808s.

“It was a pared-down, sort of a hip-hop version of “On The Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady, and I’m like ‘No fucking way, this guy gets where my head is.’ I’d thought about punk rock musical theatre, but I never thought about 808s and 909s scoring these beautiful songs. I go down the track list and he has “Everything Happens to Me”, which is another very famous standard, and he had this really cool, what we would now call chill-hop, ‘study beats’ version of this song. I was like, ‘This is it. This guy gets that good music is good music and you can reinterpret it to offer it as a new song.’

“I would later become great friends with Mr Hudson. I got to meet him years later when I was with Columbia Records, and they said to me ‘Who do you want to meet?’ He was at the top of my list. I went to London and we’ve been friends ever since and have created all kinds of music together.

“He told me a story where Tyler the Creator went up to him once at Coachella and said, ‘Oh man, “Everything Happens To Me”, that’s like my song.’ We both wondered if Tyler the Creator knew that it was a Chet Baker cover. And we were thinking how cool it is that you can offer these songs to a new audience through a different lens. Tyler’s a smart guy, he’s very cultured, and I’m sure he did know. But it’s more the idea that if someone experienced this song and didn’t know that it was a cover, and this is like the first time they ever get to experience it.

“Mr Hudson would go on to do his own thing with Kanye and was on 808s & Heartbreak and has had his own career. I think “Supernova” was a hit in the UK, it didn’t really cross over here to The States, but before that moment for him, that Mr Hudson and The Library album changed my life. People use that phrase willy-nilly, but this literally was a turning point in my life. It all had to do with the same thing that happened with these other songs, where I saw someone do what I always wanted to do but didn’t really know how to pull off. Where he had this fusing of old songs delivered through a contemporary lens, but also laced it with his own original material that also employed the things that made that old songwriting interesting.

“It’s like changing the font of a great essay but finding the font and figuring out that that font is its own art form. He really displayed that marvellously on this.”

The Masquerade EP is out now

[twotapbuz]

The leader and a body guard(Rin x reader)

(Sorry this took so long, school sucked all of my motivation away. You can find the rest of the series here: Eloni )

warning: violence, slight angst with a happy ending

Sometime after the rock revolution, Neon J decided to leave for a 3-week vacation

This meant that you and your coworkers would need to report to Rin

The first couple of days were difficult because Rin didn’t seem to care about the reports and would flirt with whoever was giving him the report

It wasn’t till week two that things began to spiral

1010 had been in the middle of a performance when a fight broke out in the crowd

You jumped out of where you were standing to help control the crowd

You assessed the damage after everything calmed down

The venue + stage was partially destroyed, Purl-Hew lost his glasses and an eye, Haym lost an arm, Zimelu and Eloni’s faces were cracked, and Rin was missing

Rin was missing

This was bad news as the factory still hadn’t been repaired yet which meant that he couldn’t be brought back until Neon J came back

And if Neon J found out that you lost a member of 1010, you and your co-workers would be fired

So your group split into two parts, one half would take Zimelu, Haym, Purl- Hew, and Eloni back to Barraca Mansion while the other half would search for Rin

You were placed into the latter

It had been nearly an hour since Rin was discovered missing and there still was no sign of him. You were definitely going to get fired. While the concert was in Cast Tech, you along with several others were sent to search Metro Division in case he simply went back to Baraca Mansion without telling anyone. You were about to head back when you heard the sound of crashing metal. 

“Hello, is anyone there?” You didn’t mean to say anything, but you were caught off guard. Against your better judgment, you began to walk towards that alley. You were desperate to find him after all.

“Stay back! RETREAT!” shouted a panicked autotuned voice. It was Rin.

“Rin? Is that you? Are you ok?” you rushed down the alley to find Rin hiding next to a dumpster.

“Don’t look at me!” Rin was trying to cover the right side of his face with his arm.

“What? Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah! Do not worry about me, I’ll make it back fine,” Rin tried to stand up, still covering his face, but immediately fell back down because his leg was missing.

“Look… everyone’s worried about you and you won’t be able to make it back by yourself with that leg,” you gestured at Rin’s broken leg. Please let me help you, I know some shortcuts.” You offered your arm. Rin hesitantly lifted his hand for his face and grabbed your hand for support. The metal that covered the right side of her face was gone, revealing the damaged hardware underneath.

You involuntarily flinched, he may not have been human, but it was still pretty jarring to look at something that looked like a person who was missing part of their face. Rin also flinched, covering his missing face with both of his hands now.

“I’m so sorry about that”, you rubbed your neck, “I just… well I didn’t expect the injury to be that bad.”

“You aren’t going to scream, are you?

“What? No, I'm very sorry about that. Besides I’ve seen way worse” you joked, trying to release the tension. Rin hesitantly uncovered his face once again and grabbed your hand and pulled himself up. The two of you dodged the groups of people walking through Metro Divison.

As the two of you were walking through, you couldn’t help but wonder about Rin’s reaction when it suddenly hit you, 1010 got severely injured during the rock revolution. One of these injuries included all of them losing their faceplates. Their fans unsurprisingly freaked out which caused 1010 to explode due to some protocol Neon J must’ve implemented. Your heart sank when you realized Rin’s reaction wasn’t because he was worried about his image, but he was scared of you screaming and what would follow afterward.

——————

After that incident, Rin seemed to act differently towards you. He took you more seriously and listened to your reports

Even after Neón J came back, Rin still came to you for your reports

Probably just practice for when Neón j retires, you thought

As the weeks passed, the time spent on the casual chats you had increased to the point you’d forgot to give him the actual report several times

“And that’s how we got Quienne and Bebe.” Rin had just finished telling you the story of how they got their cats by Haym and Eloni smuggling them in through a box. This was one of many of the 'behind the scenes stories' that Rin had told you. While they didn’t act that much different when they weren’t on camera or in front of a crowd, it was nice to be trusted enough to hear about their personal lives.

“So what about you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have any good stories? I don’t think it’s fair if I tell all of my secrets after all~.” Rin teased

“Well, I do have one. I was at a dance audition and waiting for my turn to perform and this dude that was performing was pretty much a circus act. He was doing all these frontflips and backflips and it was just crazy. Wish I had recorded it.”

“You used to be a performer? How come you stopped?” Rin curiously asked.

“Nah, I never made it past the first round of auditions. I didn't really mind since I only entered to support a friend.” You sipped on your coffee

“That’s a shame.” Rin paused for a moment. “You know I could always offer you lessons.”

 “that's really nice, but I’ll have to decline. No amount of practice can fix these two left feet.” You looked at the clock, realizing half an hour had passed. You quickly said your goodbye and left to avoid getting into trouble. Rin watched your back as he left, unsure why he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

——————

Rin was walking to his dressing room when he saw you walking alongside several other security staff. As rude as it sounded, Rin normally wouldn’t think twice about the people he worked with. Most staff would either quit from being harassed by crazy 1010 fans or get fired for secretly being 1010 fans who used the job to get access to 1010 content, or worse, 1010 themselves. Rin shuddered as memories of one of the many incidents came back. Rin could count on both of his hands the amount of current staff that has been working for over a year and you were one of them. Rin began to think about the early part of his career when he and his family would actively engage with the staff, talking about both of their personal lives and inviting them over to hang out in the mansion. He and his brothers stopped interacting with the staff after the high turnover started. What was the point of talking with them if they were going to quit and avoid 1010 like the plague or get fired and be avoided by 1010 like the plague. He was glad that he could talk to you. He also liked the sound of your voice and how your eyes sparkled brighter than the LEDs that lit up him and his brothers. Rin blushed at the last thoughts. The sound of your voice and the sparkle of your eyes? It’s not like he was in love with you or anything. He was technically your boss and your relationship was completely professional. Yeah, your interactions were one of his favorite parts of his day and your smile would always brighten his day, but even if he was in love with you(which he is not) there’s still the challenge of gaining the approval of his family and having to deal with his fan’s harassment. He couldn’t let you go through that. Though Rin couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to talk with you outside of work…even go on a couple dates… maybe he was in love afterall.

——————

You walked past Rin and smiled. Despite your attempts, you fell for Rin's charm just like his fans did and it took you no time to notice this. You knew you were never going to say anything, afterall, everyone knows the rule about not dating coworkers and Rin can choose practically anyone, why would he pick you?

——————

It was the first concert after the rock revolution

The fans were extra antsy due to the lack of content, so it was all hands on deck

You were positioned on the front of the stage

This concert was no different than the previous ones, 1010 were performing, a couple of their fans attempted to jump on the stage, and you could barely hear your own thoughts over the mix of music and cheering. Suddenly both of those stopped. You looked at the stage and so 1010 standing still in mid-performance. You were told about this situation during training: it was either a malfunction or a hacking. You prayed that it wasn’t the latter. 1010 suddenly began to move in sync, but it was different from their normal in sync movement. You saw two fans get tackled to the ground as a red saw blade passed them at what would’ve been chest height. Your radio buzzed loudly as you were given your new orders:

“Get everyone out of there.”

It was chaos as you rushed around to get everyone out of the venue. Those with superhuman abilities(pyrokinesis, levitation, etc) stayed behind to prevent 1010 from leaving the venue. Despite not having any abilities, you stayed behind too. You were running around in the back looking for anyone who still might be there when the rubble from an explosion behind you knocked you to the ground. You quickly got up and saw Rin towering over Neon J. Without thinking, you quickly grabbed a nearby pipe that came from the newly busted wall and smashed it over Rin’s head. This managed to stop his attack, but it also brought his attention to you. He suddenly ran towards you, grabbed you, and threw you against the wall. Your consciousness began to fade in and out as your head collided with the wall. You saw Rin approaching you, then darkness, Rin raising his arm to strike, darkness again, Rin being pulled away by Neón J, darkness again, the inside of an ambulance, and then nothing.

——————

You woke up in a hospital room. Your eyes scanned the room: on your right was a monitor accompanied by an IV drip. On your left was a small table with flowers, a get-well balloon, a couple cards, and a Rin with a worried face sitting on one of the chairs of the room. Rin noticed you were awake and quickly rushed before stopping unsure of what to do.

“Y/N” Rin said, unsure of what to do or say

“Rin”

“Y/N… I’m so sorry about what happened- I didn’t want to-I couldn’t stop- if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you-” Rin began to stutter out of guilt. He kept making sentences but giving up on them and starting new ones.

“Rin, please” Rin paused and looked at you. “It’s not your fault, I know you would never do this” the two of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before you continued, “You know... if the offers still up… I’d be happy to accept those dance lessons when I get discharged." Rin began to smile

“Yeah, the offers still up”

——————

Neon J walked through the hospital’s halls. For the past two weeks, he had been personally escorting Rin to your hospital room. He knew Rin felt responsible for your injuries so he didn’t object to this despite the possible security risks(he couldn't keep his boys locked up). He had heard from Rin that you had woken up and he was glad that you were ok, but he had to cut your visitor time short due to an interview that all 1010 members must be present for. He walked into your room to find the two of you sleeping with Rin’s head on your lap. 

“It’ll be fine if Rin misses one interview.” Neon J thought as he closed the door. He also began to wonder how long it will be before Rin introduces you officially to the family.

[ifmywishescametrue]

i don't know if you're still taking prompts (so please ignore this if you aren't) but i cant stop thinking about your recent buckytony fic (and how much i love breaking up and making up as a trope) - so i was wondering if you'd be up for doing smth else w that trope for buckytony?? maybe they re-unite at a mutual friend's wedding?? and it brings up emotions about their almost wedding?? idk i just really love breaking up and making up as a trope and i really love your writing :))

thank you!! I'm very much up for doing another buckytony break up/make up, plus you deserve nice things for finishing law school - congrats on that!🎉����hope you like this one 😊

There's a ring on Bucky's finger.

It's the first thing Tony notices when he walks into the bar for Natasha and Sharon's joint bachelorette party. He stands there in the doorway, frozen and staring until someone clears their throat pointedly behind him, and he mumbles an apology as he moves out of the way.

He thinks about turning around and not coming back, just ditching the event entirely and maybe even the wedding tomorrow, but he tosses the ridiculous thought the second it comes. He promised Sharon when she asked him to be her man of honor that he could handle Bucky being Nat's. Living on the other side of the country afforded him to miss the rest of the events and planning along the way, and he could deal with one day of being cordial to his ex, even if the day comes with walking down an aisle together.

But now there's a ring on Bucky's finger.

The silver catches the light, and it's on prominent display with his left hand wrapped around a beer bottle. It shouldn't be possible for him to have moved on that quickly. Eight months shouldn't be long enough to bury three years of memories. Three years of hopes and dreams and plans for a future built together. Years of love so blindingly intense that it burrowed into Tony's soul to make a home and refused to be evicted just because it was supposed to be over.

Tony wonders what the timeline is. Did he find someone new while Tony was still just beginning to pick up his own scattered pieces? A first date for him while Tony was barely getting out of bed. When was it that he replaced Tony as the last person to have his heart? And how did he find forever in someone else so soon after losing the one he used to call his soulmate?

Natasha notices him first, still hovering near the entrance, and she raises a single eyebrow that calls him a coward. He rolls his eyes at the accusation, though it's accurate. She elbows Sharon to catch her attention, and before he knows it the entire small group is turning their heads his way, giving him no choice but to join them.

It's less bachelorette party and more pre-wedding celebration with the crowd they've gathered, all mutual friends of both brides with no regards for gender traditions that usually come with this night. Tony used to fit in well with them all, back when gatherings like this were just a typical Friday night. But he made himself an outsider between the move to California and the breakup with Bucky. All he has now with most of them is a dead group chat that hasn't been used in months. He wonders which one of them made the new one without him in it.

Sharon is the first to pull him into a hug, then Natasha follows suit. He gets a nod from Sam, a wave from Clint, and what might pass as a smile from Steve. Bucky stares so intensely that Tony can feel his eyes with his back turned, but when Tony looks his way, he pretends to be interested in the floor.

He had a plan before the ring threw him off. Step one should have been the entrance. Head held high, shoulders square, perfect outfit that shows everything off and compliments the Malibu tan he has now. Step two should be nonchalance. A light hearted greeting to everyone, accompanied by an easy grin and relaxed body language, and catching up with subtle brags slipped in. Show them all that he's doing better than he ever was, sitting on top of the world these days, even if most of the time it feels like he's barely above rock bottom.

Step three in his ideal scenario involved Bucky breaking down and begging to get him back. Some versions even had him on his knees for it, with tears running down his face. Others required it to be raining outside, and the cloudless sky ruined that before the ring on Bucky's finger did.

With steps one and three out the window, he tries to salvage step two.

“Hey,” Tony starts, a little too loud. He swallows the lump in his throat and tries again, “Hey, Bucky. It's good to see you.”

Bucky nods, a strained, jerky motion. “Yeah, you too. How, uh, how have you been?”

“Good. Really good, actually. Company just had its highest sales quarter yet, so it’s been a little crazy around there, but good.”

“Good,” Bucky repeats, and there’s a long awkward pause.

“And what about you?” Tony asks, and then because he can’t help himself, he adds, “I see you got engaged. Or, hell, I guess it could be married, even.”

Bucky freezes with parted lips and wide eyes for the briefest of moments, like he wasn’t expecting Tony to know about it or bring it up, and his eyes shift to the ring on his hand and stay there.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “Engaged. Last week.”

Tony ignores the ache in his chest and plasters on a smile like he’s happy for him. “Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know him. Steve introduced us. They work together.”

“So he’s at the museum then? I thought you used to say that you hated all those stuffy guys and Steve was the only one worth knowing.”

Bucky smiles, a fond thing that widens the crack in Tony’s heart. “Yeah, well, I guess I was wrong. Felix is a great guy.”

Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes. Stupid name that probably matches a stupid, punchable face.

Some masochist thing pulls at him to make him keep digging for more information, a twisted need to know even as each word pushes the knife in deeper. He aims for casual, leaning back against one of the high top tables as he asks, “So how long have you been together?”

“Just a couple of months. Kind of fast, I know, but when you’re sure about something, it doesn’t really matter, right? Why waste time waiting?”

“Right, of course,” Tony says, a little flatter than he intends. “So why isn’t he here tonight? Hope it wasn’t to spare my feelings, because it’s really not necessary.”

Bucky falters, “It’s not? You, uh, you’re dating someone, then?”

Tony nods, and he wishes he had grabbed a drink before this so he could hide behind it as he lies through his teeth. “Only a few weeks, though. A little too early to be a wedding date, but I’m sure your guy will be there tomorrow right?”

“Oh, um, yeah, definitely. Why wouldn’t he be, right? There’s no reason I can think of,” Bucky says, stumbling around it. “But tell me more about your thing. Your person. How’s that going?”

Tony shrugs, and he finally pulls off that easy smile he’s been trying for. “Well, it’s not get engaged in a couple of months good, but it’s been really great. We’re taking it slow. Trying not to rush anything and just get to know each other first. I think it could really be something, though.”

“That’s good,” Bucky mumbles. “You deserve something good.”

He isn’t meeting Tony’s eyes anymore, almost like he’s upset that Tony moved on, and the vindictive part of Tony wants to be happy about it, but another part wants to be angry because it isn’t fair. It’s not fair to act like Tony should stay stuck in time, forever longing for him when he already moved on with someone else first. It’s hypocritical and selfish, even if Tony is lying about there being anyone else.

“Well, I’m gonna go get a drink,” Tony says, pushing down every feeling. “Should catch up with everyone else, too, while I’m at it. I’ll talk to you later.”

He heads over to the bar and isn’t surprised when Sharon joins him a moment later, right after he orders a double shot of whiskey. She puts an arm around his shoulder and asks, “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Tony laughs, running a hand through his hair. “My ex is engaged to somebody else and apparently doing really fucking well. Meanwhile, I’m making up fake boyfriends that I’m taking it slow with, because last week I went on my first real date in eight months and cried in the bathroom in the middle of it. And then, at the end of the night, he literally told me to my face that he didn’t think a second date was a good idea. We weren’t even talking about it, Sharon. He said it unprompted when we were still ten minutes from his apartment, and I was driving.”

Sharon nods slowly as she processes the rant. “He told you he got engaged?”

“Yeah, thanks for not telling me, by the way. It was really fun to get blindsided by it.”

She ignores the complaint to ask, “What else did he tell you, exactly?”

“Oh, just the whole line about how you know when you know, and Felix is such a great guy, and all that bullshit.”

“Felix,” Sharon repeats.

Tony knocks back the rest of his drink and orders another. “Please tell me he’s not better looking than me. Tell me it’s a downgrade. Don’t lie, because I know I have to meet him tomorrow, but please give me something that will make this better.”

“Well, I can guarantee he’s not as attractive as you. But he’s a little too perfect, you know? Like how could this guy possibly be real, he’s so unbelievably perfect,” Sharon says.

“I told you to make me feel better, not worse.”

Sharon shakes her head with a smile, the arm around him tightening into an approximation of hug. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I don’t think they’re going to last. He’s kind of flaky, too. Always cancelling at the last minute and all that. Bet he won’t even show tomorrow.”

The amusement on her face that she’s failing to hide confuses him. He’s starting to feel bad, though, for making the night about him when it should be about her and Nat.

Resolving not to dwell on it anymore, he squeezes the hand on his shoulder and says, “Alright, enough sad drinking, and definitely enough about me. We’re celebrating you and Nat and a lifetime of sickeningly wonderful happiness for both of you.”

Sharon grins, “Hell yeah, we are.”

“Shots?”

“Is that even a question?”

_____________

He wakes up with a headache and hazy memories. Shots of tequila that turned into shots of vodka when Nat got involved, then Clint’s terrible suggestion to try a shot of every liquor they had to offer. He vaguely remembers the round of toasts and drunken impromptu speeches from everyone, locking eyes with Bucky and failing to look away on both their parts. There’s a blur of wandering hands and heated, messy kisses. A bathroom stall turned into a cab ride which turned into his hotel room. He knows what he’ll find next to him when he opens his eyes, and guilt comes in full force.

“I know you’re awake,” Bucky says, voice still rough with sleep. It used to be Tony’s favorite sound in the world. “And I know we’re both sorry about what happened, but pretending to be asleep isn’t fixing nothin’.”

Tony shifts over to his back, and if there was any question before about what happened between them, the all too familiar ache in his body would answer it. He stares up at the ceiling to avoid the acres of bare skin on display next to him.

“You should probably leave,” Tony says to the walls. “I’m sure your fiancé is wondering where you are.”

“I doubt it.”

Tony puts an arm over his eyes, partly to block out the light that makes them ache and partly to hide his face. “Just go, okay? It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again, and we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Was it a mistake?” Bucky asks. “It didn’t feel like one to me.”

He doesn’t answer, and it’s soft and broken when Bucky says his name. Too much for him to handle.

Tony pushes back the blankets and searches for Bucky’s clothes in the mess they’ve made. He finds the shirt first and throws it at him. “You’re engaged, which means it was a mistake.”

His boxers are on the back of the couch, jeans right in front of the door, and they join the pile on Bucky’s lap. “You promised the rest of your life to somebody else, and I’m pretty sure fidelity is supposed to go with that.”

He tosses a shoe in the general direction of the bed, and it hits the nightstand with a loud thud. The second shoe is still in his hand when Bucky gets up and walks over to him, taking it and letting it drop to the floor.

His eyes hold a level of intensity that Tony has spent months dreaming about, and Tony couldn’t look away or move from this spot even if he tried.

“Felix isn’t real,” Bucky says. “I made him up when you asked, because I didn’t want to tell you the truth that I haven’t moved on in the slightest. That I’m so pathetic that I’ve spent the last eight months wearing an engagement ring that I bought for a guy who doesn’t love me anymore because I don’t know how to let him go.”

Tony stops breathing. “What?”

Bucky slides the ring from his finger, holding it between them so Tony can see the inscription. Always yours. He can’t remember the last time he heard the words get spoken.

“When?” Tony asks hoarsely. “When did you get that and why didn’t you ever ask me?”

“About a year ago,” Bucky says, slipping it back on his own finger. He sits back on the edge of the bed and stares down at it, twisting it around. “I thought about doing it on your birthday, but Nat and Sharon had just gotten engaged the week before and I didn’t want to take anything away from them. You were working a lot of late nights after that, and I thought it would be better to wait until things slowed down. You were so tired all the time, and you deserved a better proposal than when you’re falling asleep in the middle of dinner. It never slowed down, though. And then you got that big promotion and somehow we fell apart instead. If I’m honest, I still don’t really know how. One minute I’m getting ready to come with you, and the next you’re telling me not to bother.”

Tony sits down next to him, shoulders touching, and he pulls Bucky’s left hand into his. “You didn’t really want to go.”

“That’s not true,” Bucky says, but Tony shakes his head.

“All you talked about was how much you would miss New York. How much you’d miss your friends and your family and your job. Every day, everywhere we went. Even the fucking hot dog stands got sonnets about them. It really didn’t take a genius to figure out that you weren’t exactly looking forward to leaving.”

“I still would have gone for you,” Bucky argues. “I told you I would go anywhere with you, if it was what you wanted.”

“And then what? You move with me, and you’re miserable all the time, because my job never slows down so I’m still not around as much as you want, except now it’s compounded because you’re in a city that you hate with no one else that you know. You resent me for making you go, and the outcome is the same in the end either way.”

“Or I move with you, and I finally ask you to marry me like I’ve wanted to since almost the day we met. I find new friends and a new job, and even if it’s not perfect, it’s still worth it because at the end of the day I have a husband coming home to me.”

Tony runs his thumb over the ring and murmurs, “I wanted you to be happy. I didn’t think I could do that for you anymore.”

Bucky cups his cheek, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but baby, you’re an idiot.”

“Oh, thanks,” Tony laughs.

“You’re my idiot, if that helps.”

Tony smiles, still fragile but growing more hopeful. “Am I?”

“Always have been,” Bucky says. “Always will be if you stop assuming I’m going to leave you all the time. Let me decide for myself what I’m willing to sacrifice for us.”

Tony nods slowly, then says, “I’m sorry for ending it like that.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to.”

Tony climbs into his lap, circling his arms around his neck, and Bucky pulls him in closer with his hands on Tony’s hips. The ring is strange to feel against his skin, but also completely right. He wants it to stay there and to mean what it was always supposed to. Wants one of his own to match.

“We can fix it, right? We can be us again?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky says, and Tony’s heart sinks for just a moment. “Is your boyfriend as real as my fiancé?”

Tony laughs again in relief, “Yeah, they’d be a good pair.”

“I knew you had to be lying. You’ve never taken it slow in your life,” Bucky grins.

“Do you want me to start now?”

Bucky flips them over in one fluid motion, and he kisses up his throat as he murmurs, “Absolutely not.”

[halloweenbitch2764]

It's A Scream, Baby!

Part One

Billy Loomis x Fem! Reader x Stu Macher

TW: None

Key

(F/C)- Favorite Color

(H/L)- Hair Length

(H/C)- Hair Color

(Y/F/N)- Your First Name

(Y/L/N)- Your Last Name

(Y/N)- Your Name

Chapter One

I let out a sigh and dusted my hands off as I carried the last box in from the moving truck. I heard the muffled voice of my mother thanking the movers and I ran my fingers through my hair. A fresh start. Something new. My mother had gotten a job opportunity and moved us from my comfortable hometown to Woodsboro, California. Before my mom told me the name of the town, I had never heard of it. That was to be expected after I found out that it was a fairly quaint town. 

I opened the box and started unloading the things that would be in my bedroom. Some magazines and books, my bedsheets, posters of my favorite bands, etc. Things that made my room uniquely me. The move wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be but I already missed my friends. My friends were people who I'd grown up with. Now the only contact I would have with them is by phone. It's okay. Little contact is better than none. However, there was one thing that had yet to determine if the move was worth it. Will I make any friends? I've always had such a hard time doing it. My old friends were just always there and I didn't really make any new friends. Maybe one here or there but nothing like this. 

I sat on my bed and looked through the box beside me. I pulled out my phone and plugged it into the wall, setting it on my desk. If I get lonely tonight maybe I can call one of them. I tapped my fingers absentmindedly against the phone before snapping out of my thoughts and continuing to unpack. I was tired from the drive to Woodsboro, but wanted to set my room up a little at least. I hung a calendar on my wall beside my desk and looked at the red, circled date. New school. I would be starting school tomorrow. I think the school said someone would help guide me around, right? Fuck I hope so. I know I'll get lost. 

I glanced out the window and saw the sun had almost completely set. It didn't necessarily surprise me, but it didn't ease the nervousness of the fact that school seemed fast approaching. Wish I could have gotten more time to unpack. Then again, the sooner I get this done the less time I'm going to spend worrying about it. It's like ripping a bandaid off. A soft yawn tumbled from my lips as I grabbed my backpack from the corner where I had set it, double checking I had everything I wanted. Folders? Check. Notebooks? Check. Pencils? Check. Once I knew I had everything I'd need, I set the (F/C) bag by my desk. 

I continued to unpack the necessities before feeling my eyes start to become heavy again. A knock from my door woke me up.

"Hey sweetie, how's unpacking going?" My mom questioned. She looked tired from everything and I assumed I did as well.

"It's going fine. I unpacked what I needed. I think I'll just unpack the rest tomorrow. I'm really tired." My mom nodded sympathetically. 

"Well get some good rest for school tomorrow." I nodded in agreement and she gave me a nod before leaving the room. I got up and closed the door behind her, setting the box on my bed on the ground and away so I wouldn't trip over it. I pulled the covers back and dressed in my pajamas before lying down. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

I woke up to the annoying buzzing of my alarm clock. I rubbed my eyes and clicked the off switch before sitting up after a second of letting my eyes adjust. Sunshine filtered in gently through the curtains I had put up. I pushed myself out of bed and grabbed a simple yet cute outfit. One that never failed to make me feel confident. The more confident I feel in the simple things, the more confident I'll feel in myself. I walked to the bathroom and took a quick shower before drying off. I dressed in the clothes and hung the towel up before heading downstairs. 

"Good morning." My mom greeted me and I gave her a smile. I was still tired but the shower had managed to wake me up slightly.

"Good morning." She was finishing up a plate of pancakes before setting them on the table.

"I made breakfast." She said cheerfully and I sat down, digging in.

"This is really good. Thanks mom!" It was nice to have a real breakfast. Most of the time breakfast was a granola bar or something similar. Cereal if I was lucky. She smiled and made small talk while I ate. I cleaned up the dishes and headed upstairs to finish getting ready. I styled my (H/L) (H/C) hair and checked over everything, adding a little makeup and grabbing my bookbag. 

"I'm leaving for school!" I called out to my mom.

"Alright, be safe and have a good day!" She yelled back. I left and started walking to the school. It wasn't much of a walk, only about five minutes or so. I looked at the school and the nervousness returned, making me nearly feel nauseous. I gripped my bag and walked into the school. There were already a decent amount of kids, all gathered in their respective groups and chatting while they waited for the bell. I walked into the main office and waited, the receptionist soon looking up and giving me a kind smile.

"H-Hi, I'm (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N). I just transferred here." I mentally cursed myself for stuttering.

"Oh, Ms. (Y/L/N), yes. Here's your schedule." She handed me a piece of paper and I swiftly skimmed the words and times. 

"Sidney, would you please show (Y/N) around?" A brunette girl stood from a chair not too far from me. She had her bag over her shoulder and a textbook or two in her arms. She nodded to the receptionist and then smiled at me. 

"Hi, I'm Sidney Prescott." She introduced herself and I did the same. "Nice to meet you! Guess we should start looking around before the bell rings." She looked at the paper in my hand. "Oh, Mr. James? He's your homeroom teacher. He's pretty nice." She explained and we started to walk around to the classes. I'm really happy she seems so nice. This is already making this whole thing a thousand times easier. The whole tour didn't really take too long and when we got to the final class she smiled. "We have History and English together. We also have the same lunch. If you want you can hang out with my friends and I today." I smiled shyly. 

"O-Oh, thanks! Yeah um...I'll probably sit with you if you don't mind." If she minded she wouldn't have offered. She waved her hand and smiled.

"It's no big deal." She reassured me and I nodded. "We usually sit by the water fountain in the front of the campus. Just meet us there when you want." She smiled and I nodded. Suddenly the bell rang, signaling that we needed to start heading to class. 

"Alright well, I'll see you later." I smiled and she nodded with agreement before we both left to go to our homerooms. As I walked I felt like someone was staring at me. I turned and looked around but nobody stood out. If anyone's looking it's probably because I'm new. Don't really know why anyone would stare otherwise. I made my way to the class and took a seat at an empty desk. It was more secluded but I was happy about it. Just want to sort of fly under the radar until I feel comfortable enough to start making friends.

I was pulled from my thoughts when a noisy boy entered the room with other boys behind him. He was definitely tall and he seemed energetic for it being so early in the morning. He high-fived the boys and I caught something about football being talked about. Figures. I set my bag by my desk and grabbed out a notebook, copying my schedule into it in case I lost mine. The second bell rang and signaled the start of class. I saw someone sitting at the desk next to mine. Why would anyone sit here when there's plenty of open- oh. Him. The same tall boy I had seen earlier had now planted himself at the desk beside me. 

"Hey!" He said in a louder tone than I had expected. I looked at him.

"Hi." My voice was much quieter than his and less energetic. 

"So you're the new girl, huh? Sid kept talking 'bout how someone new was coming to school." I raised my eyebrow a bit. I guess he's friends with Sidney? I nodded in response to his question. "So what's your name, sunshine?" He asked in a playful tone.

"(Y/N)." I said and smiled so he knew I wasn't trying to be rude. My answers sound short even though I don't mean for them to. I'm just awkward. He smiled brightly and nodded. He gives me puppy dog vibes. 

"Well nice to meetcha, (Y/N). I'm Stu."