#I’m overall happy to be here again but ya know. sometimes there’s brain stuff | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yukiobeyme · 4 years ago

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I'm interested to see your take (fic or HC's, all your stuff is gold,) on Beel' reaction to a love interest MC admitting that they're actually very scared of Belphie after the whole... Chapter 16 onward events. (I'm in the mood for ANGST, ya know?)

It’s nowhere near angsty as it should be, I’ll admit that. But there is some hurt, Big brother Lucifer, Love Guru Asmodeus, and a heart to heart with Belphie. So there’s that?

But Overall I imagine Beel being hurt and immediately thinking you are going to make him choose. He would want nothing more you to get along and love each other. Then he would want to work with you to build your trust with Belphie much like you had helped the brothers.

Beel had no idea you felt this way. You were always so nice to Belphie, welcoming him and even helping patch things up between the brothers. Though now he stood frozen outside of your door. He paid no mind to his brothers that had gathered around once they heard yelling.

It was a typically day at the House of Lamination, you had cooking duty and as always Beel joined you. You made Beel’s favorite, while he prepared Belphie’s soup. Dinner went without a hitch, just normal banter but no yelling or fights. He watched as you lit up as you laughed along with Satan, Asmo, Levi, and Belphie teasing Mammon. He smiled when you played both sides, teasing Mammon but defending him too. You always told him you had a thing for playing devil’s advocate. Your care for all the brothers showed and it warmed Beel to the very core. His family was important to him and here you were making an effort to make sure they were happy.

That night, Beel asked you to do homework with him. He promised you favorite snacks and when he showed up, he brought Belphie with him and pretended not to notice how you looked unsure and guard for a moment before welcoming the twins and diving into hex homework.

Beel wasn’t stupid, he knew you didn’t like sleeping in their room anymore since Belphie came back, but he took it more for privacy reasons. While you didn’t mind holding his hand as you walked to RAD, or sneaking the occasional kiss between classes, Beel figured you didn’t want to invade Belphie’s space with your affections. Though for now, you were tangled up in bed, Beel simply smiled and watched you sleep for a few moments. He let his eyes fall shut and enjoyed how you felt up against him, your constant pressure on his chest and he could feel your calming heartbeat. His eyes snapped back open when he heard you whimper and start to squirm against him.

“MC,” he muttered, gently cradling you, before moving to wake up.

“Belphegor, please no!” you shouted once you were awake. Beel felt your heart stammer, he watched as your chest moved wildly as if you were being suffocated and could finally breathe again. Beel recognized this emotion in humans all too well. Fear.

“MC,” he softly called to you, looking over you worryingly.

“I thought he was going to kill me again Beel.” Your voice was choked; he could feel you shaking as you fought off the sobs.

“Do you dream about it often?” Beel asked, he was torn. You were so important to him, but so was his brother, and the idea of you two not getting along wasn’t an option for him.

“I’m so scared of him,” you admitted quietly, you sounded drained and exhausted, as if you had been working out rather than just waking up.

“You don’t need to be scared of Belphie,” Beel tried to comfort you but you pushed yourself off his chest the moments those words left his lips.

“I don’t have a need to be scared of Belphie!” your voice went hard, and you were practically yelling. “Do you need to be reminded he killed me? It wasn’t a tried to kill me like Levi or Lucifer either, Beel. He was successful, the only reason I am alive is because of Barbatos choosing a timeline where I lived.” You felt hot tears coming and you rushed to wipe them away.

“MC,” Beel said softly like he was talking to an injured animal.

“Don’t MC me, just get out get out,” you tried and push him out the bed, but he was so much stronger than you. Beel understood he wasn’t wanted and allowed you to shove him along and let you slam the door behind him.

Now he stood frozen outside of your door, ignoring his brothers that had gathered. They probably heard the yelling and was worried about what was happening.

“Beel?” Belphie was the one that broke the silence and reached out to touch him and Belphie face twisted to a hurt expression when Beel simply moved away from his touch and brushed past the brothers without a word.

The next morning, you didn’t bother with breakfast nor did you bother waiting for Beel or at least one of the brothers to walk with you to RAD. For the first time, since you and Beel had made it official, you walked alone.

You head was spinning from last night, you felt bad for blowing up like you did but for Beel to tell you, you had no need to be scared of someone who has proved they can and will kill you.

You arrived to class far too early and decided to busy yourself between looking at today’s lesson and checking your DDD. You ignored Beel’s messages and send an apology to Lucifer for not walking with anyone and promised to at least walk home with someone. You then sent a message to Satan, asking if he would sit beside you today, and while he expressed how he didn’t want to get involved with the fight you and Beel were having, he reluctantly agreed.

You smiled brightly at Satan when he joined you in the classroom, he gave you a disapproving look before sitting beside you.

“Good Morning MC, you skipped breakfast,” Satan scolded you, but it lacked any heat.

“Good Morning Satan, I did. I’m sorry, I wanted to review hexes before class,” you shrugged pretending nothing was to astray.

Satan sighed before leaning close to you, “We all hear last night,” his voice was low and you felt your body turn to ice.

“Oh, even Belphegor?” you whispered, you felt guilt eat at you, knowing you probably are causing a family problem.

Satan smiled sadly at you before nodding and straightened back up when he noticed Beel had entered.

Beel was a lot more unkempt than usual, his hair was a mess and his face seemed redder than normal. Though somehow, he still made your breath catch in your throat. You felt yourself stiffen when you say he was coming your way. He came to your side of the table before stopping and looking over sadly at Satan then back at you.

“You didn’t come to breakfast,” was the only thing he said as he placed a breakfast sandwich in front of you before moving to take a seat in the back of the class. Your heart fluttered, even when you were upset at each other, he still cared for you.

You kept your head down for the day, only talking when spoken to and made sure you didn’t bring any unwanted attention to yourself. You tried to avoid both Belphie and Beel, making sure when they came near your eyes stayed glued to the ground.

You were grateful when Lucifer offered to walk you home, you knew it meant you would have to stay after, but it also meant you could avoid Beel and Belphie a little longer.

“MC,” Lucifer greeted you, he grabbed your books from your arms before starting off towards to House of Lamentation. You flashed him a grateful smile.

“It’s none of my business,” Lucifer started, only briefly glancing at you, “but know that if this affects my brother’s or Diavolo’s vision in any way, I will step in,” you could help but roll your eyes. This wasn’t anything new from Lucifer, sometimes he was a broken record.

“Though you have managed to drive the twins apart quite a bit,” Lucifer continued on, only glaring at you for a second. You felt your face fall and stomach twist, you didn’t mean for your fear to get in the way of their bond.

“But you understand where I come from though, Lucifer?” you asked him quietly, maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal.

“Belphie for sure made a mistake,” Lucifer started and seemed to ponder for a moment before continuing, “Quite a big mistake, something that would be understandable if you couldn’t forgive him or if you feared him,” Lucifer had paused midstride before looking over at you.

“But I also know, you aren’t one to hold a grudge MC. You have been placed in horrible situations, ones where you could have quite possibly have met your end, but you rose up each time and tackled the problem head-on each time.�� Lucifer smiled ruefully at you, “It’s something that is both infuriating and endearing about you,” Lucifer then continued to walk, not even glancing back to make sure you were following him.

You made it back to the house and immediately set off to the kitchen, you gathered what you needed to make tea. You gathered the plate before heading towards the library, praying that Satan had decided to stay in his room today. You let out a sigh of relief, before you could chicken out you sent Beel a message to come meet you.

It took about ten minutes before he showed up, and once he sat down neither of you knew how to start this conversation. You couldn’t believe one event, and one stupid fear could change so much in so little time.

You sat drinking your tea in silence, but in some ways, it was oddly comforting. To simply enjoyed each other’s company and though there was tension, it didn’t seem to affect either of you too much.

It wasn’t until you both had finished your tea and Beel had finished the last of the snacks that you brought before either of you spoke.

“Don’t make me choose MC. Because it isn’t a choice for me. It will always be Belphie, always” Beel told you firmly, making sure to hold eye contact. Though somewhere in his brain was pleading with him to beg for you, to make you stay.

I know Beel, I know,” you gave him a sad, soft smile. You briefly squeezed his arm before walking away from him. Beel wanted to stop you, but knew this had to be the right choice in the end, right?

It wasn’t the conversation you wanted to have with him, nor was it the one you needed. If anything, all it did was make it hurt worse. You should have known this, of course, Beel would pick his twin over you. But at the same time, did he think so little of you that you would force him to choose between his brother and you.

Once in the safety of your room, you let yourself fall apart. You clung to your pillow and let yourself cry. You ended drifting off in a dreamless sleep. You ended up sleeping through dinner and at this point, you didn’t care, you felt numb.

You recalled what Lucifer told you, you tended to tackle all your problems head-on, and this is all this is right? It’s just a problem, something that could be solved. It made you exhausted to try and think of a solution, instead, you decided you needed advice and maybe a nice bath. Which thankfully there was a brother that seemed to be specialized in both.

You gathered your pjs and towel before heading towards Asmo’s door, within seconds of knocking, Asmo opened his door and welcomed you in.

“Asmodeus,” you started sternly, “I don’t think sex is the solution to this,” you were in his bath neck deep in bubbles as Asmo gently lathered your hair.

“That’s no fun,” Asmo whined but thankfully stopped pushing it, “So Beel thought you were going to make him choose between the two of you?”

“Yes and I could never ask that of him, I could never put any of you against each other,” you said, looking lost.

“Did you tell him that?” Asmo asked you quietly

“I didn’t have the chance,” you whispered, “I left after he said that. Why does it hurt so much when he told me he’d choose Belphie over me anyways?” you hit the water out of frustration watching the water and bubbles disperse.

“It always hurt to know if you aren’t number one with someone,” Asmo gently shushed you, “though the hurt isn’t to the same extent, you choosing Beel over me hurt,” you gave him a helpless and sorry look, “no need to give me that face, I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad,” Asmo gently washed out all the soap from your hair before continuing.

“But I am still your number one and who you come to with relationship problems. Though you didn’t choose me as your number one, I know you don’t want to lose me,” Asmo voice started to pick up and got close to his normal sing-along voice.

“I’m willing to bet Beel doesn’t want to lose you either, even if he told you Belphie is his number one. Belphie is his twin, they both suffered the most when we lost Lilith. Beelz almost lost Belphie too,” Asmo told you, sounding completely confident in his words.

It took a week before you tried talking to Beel again. While you didn’t outright avoid him like you did on the first day, you didn’t necessarily go out of your way to talk to him. Though you kept your distance from Belphie, not knowing how he felt about the whole situation. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him, you knew him well enough to know he probably blamed himself for this fight, but you couldn’t help but worry that maybe he would kill you again. It would definitely resolve the problem.

You went to the planetarium and sat and watched the stars. You jumped when you heard the door close, you turned and froze when you saw Belphie behind you.

“Oh I’ll just go,” Belphie stuttered out and turned to leave but you called out after him, “No, please stay” you don’t understand why you did but you did.

“Okay,” Belphie voice was small and he moved more into the room slowly and making sure to keep plenty of space between you.

“I’m sorry,” you said after a moment of silence, looking over at Belphie, who just gave you a confused look.

“I know you overheard the fight,” you said shyly and looked unsure at him. “I don’t mean to cause any problems, especially between you and Beel,”.

“I don’t think you have anything to apologize for,” Belphie answered after a moment, “I think it’s mean that have a lot to apologize for.” Belphie paused and looked up at the stars above you before continuing, “from killing you to making it so you feel scared of me, and don’t say it’s not my fault either,” Belphie gave you a rueful look. You could help but let out a small laugh.

You let your shoulders drop and you turned to face him, “ I’m sorry I’m hurting Beel right now and I know I am hurting you as well,” you looked over at Belphie, emotions mixing inside of you. You still felt the fear, but you also couldn’t help but feel remorseful and bad.

“Beel is hurting right now,” Belphie didn’t try and hid the bite to his voice.

“I would never make him choose,” you rushed to say, “I would never ask him to choose between me and you,” you clarified. “That would only hurt him more and I think he needs the both of us for different things,” you told Belphie honestly.

“I figured you wouldn’t MC, that didn’t seem like you,” Belphie gave you a small smile. Belphie seemed to ponder for a moment before looking over at you, “Is there any way I could help you not be scared of me?”

You froze, you never thought about it. You didn’t want to be scared of him, but how do you go about it?

“I don’t know. I’ve tried to forgive you. I think I have for the most part, but I guess it’s just because you were the first demon to prove their point that they are capable of killing me,” you replied with a huff, “I mean Levi and Lucifer have had their moments, when I thought they were going to kill me, but they didn’t,”.

“I can’t take back what I did to you MC, and I am sorry for that” Belphie said and you both lapsed into silence for a bit.

“I thought about Beel each time,” you said suddenly, “When Levi changed to his demon form, I mourned the fact that I didn’t get to know him more. I practically sacrificed myself to Lucifer for him and I just hoped Beel understood my feeling for him. Then with you, I was torn. You were his twin and I wanted nothing more to be your friend. I also couldn’t help but think of all the things I hadn’t done with Beel yet or the things I would miss,” you let your guard down for a moment.

“You really do love him,” Belphie said, he wasn’t questioning you, he was stating a fact.

“Yea, I do. I really do” you said with a soft smile.

“Maybe you should tell him that,” Belphie returning a soft smile.

You both sat in silence, and while it was by no means easy for you, you enjoyed the first real connection and conversation you had with Belphie. Before long you said goodnight to an already sleeping Belphie before heading to the twin’s room with confidence.

“Beel, are you in there?” you called softly as you knocked on the door.

“MC?” Beel returned as he cracked the door open.

You gently pushed on the door until it was open enough for you to slip inside. You took in the room before turning to look at a shy and uneasy Beel.

“Come here,” you said softly, holding out your arms. Beel was quick to embrace you and pull you close to him.

“I love you,” you whispered before gently guiding your lips together. Once you broke the kiss, you looked him in the eye, “I would never make you choose between me and Belphie. I never want you to” you told him.

“I love you too, MC.” You could see the tears forming in his eye and you simply squeezed him tighter.

“What about Belphie?” Beel gently whispered, “I would love for you to be friends,” he nudged his face into your neck.

“It won’t be an easy feat,” you started looking around their room, “but for you I’m willing to try,” you told him.

“You have every right to be scared MC, but I’ll be beside you along the way,” Beel reassured you before ushering you towards his bed, and just like before you found yourself tangled together, enjoying each other’s company and hopeful for the future.

#yuki writes!#Obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #beelzebub obey me #belphie obey me #belphegor obey me

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thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #242: “EASY COME... EASY GO!”

April, 1984

“Okay Avengers, the party’s over!”

Being a buzzkill, party-hating Cover Vision!

Hmm. Something about this cover makes it feel like from an older era. The returned Mighty Avengers logo or maybe the inking? Or perhaps the Silver Age DC superdickery energy to it? I can’t put my finger on it but this feels like a cover you’d see in the 70s instead of the 80s.

Last time on Avengers: Well, they went to San Francisco for a two-parter where they fought Morgan Le Fey to save Jessica Drew’s soul. As ya do.

Vision has also been a tube boy after he walked into a null field. Starfox hooked him up to the Titan supercomputer and that didn’t fix him, it did overclock his robot brain and let him broadcast giant holograms of his own head. That’s almost as good.

This time:

Some guy: “HOLY GEEZ!”

An interesting note, this guy has only ever seen Quinjets in pictures and never thought he’d see one in person. Tells you how often the Avengers hang around Ottumwa, Iowa.

We start with the Avengers in mid-return from California.

In one of the Quinjets, She-Hulk is telling Starfox that she wished they could have spent more time before returning to New York so she could have shown him LA.

Starfox: “Ah, well... I’m sure another opportunity will present itself, She-Hulk! Besides, the scenery around her has plenty to offer!”

Wanda looks like she’s trying to astral project away from Starfox putting his hand on her shoulder but she’s really just distracted thinking about Vision.

The Avengers on the Jessica Drew mission radioed back to the Mansion that they were bringing Hank Pym home but Wanda suggested that Hank could examine Vision and maybe fix him. But Vision rejected the idea and Wanda is at a loss for why he’s determined to overcome his robo-paralysis on his own.

I’m also a little confused why they didn’t call on Hank Pym sooner to examine tube Vision but then again that would have been super awkward for Wasp and Reed Richards, that hack, said Vision should have recovered quickly.

Speaking of super awkward, Hank and Wasp are alone together in the other Quinjet.

Hank is also baffled that Vision turned down his help. He repaired him once before! Remember? He got super tiny and had a fantastic voyage inside him? In Avengers #93?

Jan comments that she hasn’t heard Hank sound so confident in years and he confirms that devoting his time fully to SCIENCE and taking superheroing off the table as an option has done wonders for his emotional outlook.

He also reiterates that he never felt cut out for the superhero life. Aw, enjoy it while it lasts, bud.

And he thanks her for calling him Hank instead of “Dr. Pym” like she did at the hospital.

Wasp: “Oh... That. Well, when you flew out at my request to help save Jessica Drew’s life... after all we’d been through... the divorce and all... I’m afraid I slipped into my stuffy Avengers chairwoman voice. I thought it might make things easier, but it didn’t... For either of us. I’m sorry, Hank.”

Hank Pym: “That’s okay, Jan. I understand. Your ‘stuffy chairwoman voice,’ huh? Heh-heh. How often do you have to use that?”

Wasp: “Wellll... Most of the time the others will go along with ol’ ‘dingaling Jan’ -- but sometimes, I have to get tough. That never fails to grab their attention!”

Hank Pym: “No doubt! Once, I was the only Avenger who knew how tough you really were! I’m glad the others are learning.”

Wasp: “I guess that none of us are ever too old to learn, Hank.”

Feels like Hank is rewriting some things in his memories since Jan often had to diminish herself to make him feel better but then again it didn’t always work so maybe the idea is that he knew all along how strong she was?

Either way, nice to see these two interacting so amiably.

Also, I like that she’s able to be an effective leader while still being ‘dingaling Jan’ since it doesn’t change how smart and capable she is. And the contrast if she has to get serious only helps.

I think overall I like that her leadership style is so uniquely her and that when her character was retrofitted to operate outside of being ‘Hank Pym’s partner’ she still remained recognizably her.

We have a whopping several women on the Avengers at this time (glorious) and Wasp, She-Hulk, Scarlet Witch, and Captain Marvel all feel like different characters.

Since Vision declined Hank Pym’s help, Wasp drops him off back home in Central Indiana.

Once these two were husband and wife, friends and lovers. But they were very different people and, without meaning to, they hurt each other very much. Today, they have perhaps put a small bit of that hurt behind them. Today, they have again become friends.

Daaaaw. Friends.

Wasp returns to Avengers Mansion to discover there’s a full-on party going on. There’s even streamers and a Captain America who seems incredibly enthusiastic about streamers.

(In another fun bit, Monica knew about the party already because she flew ahead to the mansion before joining Wasp in the Quinjet after she dropped off Hank. And she was bursting to not tell Wasp what was going on as they landed.)

Wasp is even more surprised when she learns that the party is celebrating Hawkeye’s marriage.

Wasp: “Barton? You mean Hawkeye? Married?!?”

Hawkeye: “‘Fraid so, Jan! I’d like you to meet my bride... Mockingbird.”

Mockingbird: “How do you do?”

Wasp: “Oh... fine. You’ll have to excuse me. This is... quite a surprise.”

A reaction that Mockingbird says she’s getting used to because she’s seeing it from all of Hawkeye’s friends!

Hah!

Hawkeye asks Cap on the sly whether he made the right move, getting married, but Cap is very supportive, saying its the most responsible thing he’s ever done.

Hawkeye: “What?! Cap, you cut me to the quick! Haven’t I always acted in a mature, responsible manner?”

She-Hulk: “Look who’s talking... the man whose proudest achievement is the invention of the water-balloon arrow!”

Provided She-Hulk isn’t just making stuff up, there’s some serious off-screen shenanigans that we didn’t get to see, possibly involving Hawkeye shooting water balloons at She-Hulk all day.

But... CLINT. YOU INVENTED AN ANTI-GRAVITY ARROW!

Why am I the only one who remembers that?

Thor shows up at the party next, back from his own solo adventures, and offers his own congratulations to Hawkeye.

Mockingbird is undergoing some culture shock here, as she’s astounded that Hawkeye calls Thor “Goldilocks.” And when Thor turns his Thor charm on her, and blesses their wedding, she’s rendered briefly speechless.

Its fun that we get this side of her. I think she was similarly blown away when they met Cap on the subway.

But even though she was a SHIELD agent and then a freelance superhero, she doesn’t seem to have a lot of exposure to your Avengers types so Hawkeye pulling her into those social circles is a lot of fun.

She’s going to get used to it though. I know that she Avenges herself in the future.

Also, look at Thor’s flagon of mead. Holy shit. Its as big as his whole torso.

Jarvis is really dedicated!

Over in a quiet corner of the party, Wanda tries to convince Vision to let Hank Pym take a look at him but Vision dismisses the idea.

Vison: “Please, Wanda, let’s not spoil this happy occasion! Surprise parties are all too rare, and few of them are party to as many surprises as this one!”

And instead of explaining what he means, he turns his hologram off.

Well, okay.

AH HA HE WAS REPAIRED AND JUST DIDN’T MENTION

For reasons of surprise.

What a whimsical turn for the Vision.

Aw, that panel of them kissing and everyone cheering is sweet. That’s how I like to remember them. Not, err, later developments.

(I also like Mockingbird being confused whether or not he’s still a hologram because of his intangibility)

Everyone congratulates Vision for being bipedal again.

Vision: “It’s good to be moving, Jan. But my recovery shouldn’t come as that big of a surprise. As I told you a few days ago, it was just a matter of time before I isolated the cause of my body’s motor dysfunctions -- and initiated the proper repair systems.”

But he tosses some sweet cred to Starfox, for hooking up to an alien supercomputer. It’s like matchmaking but with networks.

The surprise of his surprise recovery pales compared to his next surprise, as he announces (without consulting Wanda at all, geez) that its imperative that she and him stay with the Avengers full-time.

All I’m saying is communication is important, Vizh.

And maybe you should have brought this up with Wasp too? She is the chairwoman and as Cap points out, the team is already pretty packed, especially with Hawkeye and Thor back.

Vision: “Yes, the ‘chairman’s privilege’ limit! But you’re not the leader now, Cap... the Wasp is! And she’ll just have to change that limit -- or the membership roster -- to include Wanda and myself! We will be needed in the upcoming emergency!”

Kinda dropping a lot of surprises on this surprise party, Vision! I don’t know if you really get the concept wholly? You’re not supposed to save up all the surprises for this one day.

Also, Vision’s speech bubbles have changed. They’re still rounded rectangles but they’re not yellow anymore and the font is a bit italicized. Hm. Wonder if that means anything.

Anyway, Vision announces that while he was a tube boy, he detected two major fluctuations of Earth’s electromagnetic fields by some “unknown energy of near-infinite power.”

He’s secretly been working with Reed Richards on this and neither of them have been able to track down what this nonsense is. But until this malevolent mystery is uncovered, he and Wanda as two of the more powerful reservists must obviously be active Avengers.

But how does he know its malevolent if he hasn’t been able to uncover what it is? Deductive reasoning and intuitive presentiment!

Pffffft.

I think this might be my favorite recent punchline from this book.

But Vision has more than just bad vibes to be given a frighten by this upcoming ominousness!

Vision: “The energy I detected goes beyond the limits of any known to man! The power flux showed on our screens for a mere fraction of a second, and then disappeared without a single trace. That concerns me... And it should concern all of us! If we cannot discover the source of this energy, there could be catastrophic consequences!”

And to show how seriously he’s taking this, he makes this horrifying face.

He looks like he’s trying to eat Wasp.

I do not care for this. Either the specific panel or the overall idea of someone eating Wasp.

Anyway, Vision and Scarlet Witch goes off to check the super advanced equipment he installed in the monitor room without asking anyone. He’s doing that a lot lately.

Wasp is both annoyed that he went over her head and impressed with his initiative in doing so.

But she has other matters to attend and asks Thor and Cap(tain America) head down for a private meeting with her.

And now the party is kind of over!

Yeah, you ruined it, Vision! You put too many surprises on the surprise party! You could have saved some for later!

Vision and Scarlet Witch went off to the monitor room. Wasp, Cap(tain America), and Thor went off to have an executive meeting. And Hawkeye and Mockingbird slipped away from their own party not long after that!

Leaving Captain Marvel, She-Hulk, Starfox, and Jarvis to stand around awkwardly wondering where the party went. They didn’t even cut the cake yet!

Dammit Vision!

Hawkeye snuck out to the garden behind Avengers Mansion that’s been there all along. And Mockingbird followed to see what’s bugging him.

Hawkeye: “I’ve always loved this spot. Great tree, isn’t it? Ya know, it’s not easy to get an apple tree to grow this big in the city!”

But Mockingbird sees through that and asks what’s really his beef.

Hawkeye: “Aw, it’s just that I can see another membership shuffle in the works!”

Mockingbird: “So?”

Hawkeye: “So, I’m the one most likely to get bounced!”

I like the range of Hawkeye emotions here.

Hawkeye says that since he has a life (marriage) outside the Avengers now, he doesn’t mind so much being cut from the team. But if they’re going to be facing the latest and greatest menace of all times, he wants to face it with them!

Mockingbird: “That was pretty profound... for a guy who’s supposed to be a butt-head!”

Hawkeye: “Well, thank you, Mrs. Butt-head!”

Aww.

This is a fun bit too.

Mockingbird asks if Hawkeye wants to go inside and get some cake but he shoots an apple from the tree and offers Mockingbird one.

Pretty slick, Clint.

Over at the monitor room, Vision is really into monitoring whatever is upcoming. Super into it. So Wanda has to ask a question.

Scarlet Witch: “Darling... Are you sure you’re all right?”

Vision: “What sort of question is that?”

Scarlet Witch: “You’ve been acting so peculiar lately!”

Vision: “Wanda, how do you expect me to act? I’ve just recovered from spending what seemed like an eternity in a life support tube, able to move about only as a holographic image! Before that, my body was possessed by the dying sorcerer, Necrodamus. And that was almost immediately after I’d gone through the agony of losing an arm. Thankfully, the Inhuman scientists of Attilan were able to restore my limb. But you must admit we’ve both been through a score of trails these past few months! And now, I’ve detected something which could be the biggest menace we’ve ever faced! All things considered, is it really so surprising that I’m acting this way?”

Huuuuuh. I mean, he has a point. That’s a lot of shit in a very short time frame to endure.

This could very reasonably be a reaction to it all.

That’s a very unnerving smile though.

Over at the not-secret but private just Wasp, Thor, and Cap(tain America) meeting, Wasp, Thor, and Cap(tain America) are meeting.

Well, really, its more that Thor is recapping the tale of Beta Ray Bill for the other two. But we, the readers, just get an editor’s caption telling us to read Walter Simonson’s Thor (and I don’t need to be told twice) and Thor summing up to the salient point that Donald Blake is gone forever and is definitely never going to come back multiple times.

What Cap takes from this is ‘hey i hope that means you’re back on the team then!’ which Thor affirms.

Thor: “Aye, Captain America! Some of my finest hours have been as an Avenger. It would be the greatest honor to continue my service in your company... if you will have me!

But Wasp isn’t going to dump Thor from the roster!

Problem being, what the heck is she going to do with the roster? She doesn’t want to dump anyone off it, she doesn’t want to tell Vision to eff off, but she doesn’t want to lead an unwieldy team either. Six is a good number of Avengers!

I love Wasp’s note paper where she’s scrawled various roster ideas, clearly getting more and more frustrated with the exercise.

Cap suggests that maybe a temporary expansion would be the best move, if there even is a menace!

He’s somewhat doubtful of Vision’s story but wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he says that, the priority alarm goes off because Vision has detected the Ominous Energy Readings again.... IN CENTRAL PARK!

And lest anyone doubt Vision this time, an enormous and blinding flash lights up the Manhattan skies.

Cap: “I... believe you, Vision.”

Hah.

The Avengers head for Central Park with devices that Vision has created that will help them trace the energy but he could have saved the time.

There’s a big obvious structure that wasn’t there before. Odds are pretty good that that’s the anomaly.

Hmmm... Y’know, that structure looks familiar. As if I’ve seen it somewhere... But wheeeeeeeeeerre. I guess its a secret to everyone.

The sudden appearance of a large structure right after a massive flash isn’t even the weirdest thing going on. As Reluctant Science Guy Starfox waves around the detecting device, he realizes that the Ominous energy isn’t coming from the giant structure. It seems to be coming from everywhere. But it dips as you get closer to the structure.

Starfox posits that the energy is being focused on the ring from another location.

Curiouser and curioserer.

The Avengers poke around some more. Hawkeye calls attention to an arch built into the wall of the structure. It’s just real interesting. It’s super, incredibly interesting. Plus, the air is nice in the arch.

And it’s an arch. It looks like it’d be a doorway or tunnel to the middle of the structure but it doesn’t go anywhere.

Huh.

How fascinating.

She-Hulk, Cap(tain America), Captain Marvel, Wasp, and Thor join Hawkeye in the arch and agree that it’s a pretty interesting arch.

Perhaps this arch was made for them.

As soon as they join Hawkeye in it, there’s another blinding flash of light and those Avengers vanish in a curl of smoke.

Wow.

I can’t believe Hawkeye, She-Hulk, Captains America and Marvel, Wasp and Thor are dead.

Huh. And Wasp was just complaining about having too many Avengers!

Everyone is appropriately shocked by this, especially Vision because there were no energy emissions coming from the thing so it should have been inert.

Scarlet Witch and Starfox wonder whether the missing Avengers have been teleported somewhere, into some other story... or destroyed.

But before they can investigate the structure for clues, or see if it’ll strike again?, the whole thing vanishes as quickly as it appeared.

The plus side is that it makes Starfox lean toward ‘teleported’ which still doesn’t answer where the Avengers have been taken or who would do it.

If it’s the Collector again, I swear!

Here we go... Follow @essential-avengers because I thought I had more time! Oh geez, I don’t know how I’m going to handle this... Also, like and reblog because I like to think I do good work.

#Avengers #Ominous Energy #the Wasp #Captain America #Captain Marvel #monica rambeau #the Vision #Scarlet Witch #Thor #She Hulk #Hawkeye #Mockingbird #Starfox #Vision ruins a party but not how you'd think #Jarvis is the world's best butler #Everyone's shock and alarm that Hawkeye got married #frequent culture shock for Mockingbird #Essential Avengers #essential marvel liveblogging

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residentlesbrarian · 4 years ago

Text

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist.

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great!

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything.

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on. They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations.

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold. She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links:

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all.

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many.

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

#Dreadnought #april daniels #nemesis book 1 #resident lesbrarian #4 unicorns #mtf transgender lesbian #ya novel #ya science fiction #go to you local library #but wear a mask #and wash your hands #and stay 6 feet apart #be safe guys gals and nonbinary pals

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star-spangled-steve · 5 years ago

Text

His New Partner

Chapter 39: The Denial

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 1205

Warnings: Intense grieving, mentions of counselling, light angst, fluff near the end.

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this one, so I hope that you guys like it too!

“Again, baby?”

Y/N turned around at the sound of her husband’s sympathy-filled voice, quietly sighing to herself.

“‘Again’ what?” She questioned before turning back to the books that she was sorting, pulling one out of the shelf and glancing at the cover before placing it in a completely new spot.

The problem wasn’t that she was sorting some books. In fact, Steve was glad when she was productive at all these days. The problem was who the books that she was sorting belonged to.

“You’re doing it again, sweetheart.” The man stated, kneeling down on the ground next to where she was sitting cross-legged. “You’re going through A.J.’s stuff.”

Y/N gulped, eyes focused on the book shelf in front of her, not wanting to face him. She’d probably tear up if she did. “And?”

“And,” Steve placed a comforting hand on her back, “we’ve talked about this, doll. With the counsellor. Remember?”

“Y-Yeah, I remember.”

Not that they were exactly fond memories. Every single time that she and Steve had met with the counsellor, it had ended up with Y/N bawling her eyes out and the man trying to hide his own few tears in hopes to stay strong for her. If his wife needed an anchor at the moment, he was more than willing to put his own feelings aside to help her.

Steve had already felt bad enough for the girl, watching every couple weeks as she’d wander into baby Anthony’s old nursery, making an excuse of wanting to clean one thing or organize another.

This had been going on for the entire year that it had been since Thanos’ snap, and the man was running out of ways to help her. He knew that visiting A.J.’s room was a form of comfort for his wife, but the counsellor had made it very clear that it was not good for her overall mental health. Steve wasn’t just going to sit back and watch Y/N pain herself like that.

“You remember what Dr. Sawyer said?” He questioned, watching as she fiddled with her fingers. “About how you spending too much time in here is only making it harder for you to let go?”

The actress, well, former actress due to her pregnancy leave turning itself into a mental health leave, sniffled. “Steve, I-I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever let go. At least being in here numbs the pain... even if only temporarily.” She felt him wrap his arm completely around her, trying to pull her closer into his side and she complied. “Th-This room. It just sits here... useless, empty. A-And I don’t know, it just calls to me, I guess. I’m constantly feeling like I should be in here, getting things ready for him. I-It’s like my brain is trying to trick myself into believing that he’s still here or something.” Y/N sniffled again, lightly chucking with it too. “God, I just sound crazy, don’t I?”

Steve firmly shook his head. “Not crazy at all, baby. I swear.”

The girl scoffed at his words. “Oh please, I’m literally delusional.”

“No, you’re not.” He stated, taking her chin in his hand and turning her to look at him. “You’re not delusional, you’re not crazy, you’re not any of that.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, smiling internally when she leaned into his touch. “Look, sweetie, you know what I see? I see a mother who just lost her little boy and is trying to cope with it the best that she can.”

Y/N nodded, feeling tears begin to well up in her eyes. She just couldn’t help it; one mention of A.J. and she would melt down into a puddle. “I-I am trying. I really, really am. I-It’s just that it’s so hard.”

“I know, baby, I know.” Steve reassured, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “You’re doing so good, my love. You’re doing so good.”

She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, sniffling again. “I just don’t know what to do anymore; what to do next.”

“Well you know, uh,” the man cleared this throat, “there’s been this thing that I’ve been wanting to mention to you for a while. I’ve been looking for the right time to tell you, and I finally think that time is now.”

Y/N was tilted her head to the side in curiosity. “What is it?”

“I think that we should move out of here.” He stated, a smile beginning to slowly creep up on his face. “Get our own house, somewhere miles away from this Compound.”

“A-Are you serious?” Y/N questioned.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I am. I think that it would be really, really good for us. This building brings a lot of bad memories and a lot of heartache. We should distance ourselves; get you out of this room.” He motioned to the baby blue walls surrounding them.

“B-But what about the team?” The girl asked, not wanting her husband to make a decision that he would regret. “What if something happens one day and they need you?”

“Then they can give me a call.” He told her, grasping both of her hands in his own and pulling her up to stand with him. “They’ll know where to find me, and we can visit Nat here sometimes too. None of that really matters. I just want you to be happy.”

“Steve,” she gave him a grateful smile, “this is all very sweet, but I really don’t want to be your charity case. I don’t want to ask you to uproot your life just because you feel bad for me.”

“Baby, please, please know that-that’s not it.” The man insisted. “I want to do this because I love you and I care about you. I want to help you, doll. Please let me do so. It’s the least that I can do after... ya’ know.” He looked at her pleadingly. “Come on, N/N. Whattaya’ say?”

Y/N gulped, staring at her feet before slowly lifting her eyes to meet his own. “Okay.”

Steve paused, making sure that he had actually just heard her correctly. “R-Really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N gave him a small shrug, slightly beginning to grin. “Yeah, you’re absolutely right. It probably would be really good for us.”

The man’s smile suddenly matched her own. “Awesome, sweetheart. I’m so glad you said yes.” He wrapped his hands around her waist, wanting her to come closer to his chest. “C’mere.”

At his request Y/N stepped farther into his arms, humming out of pure joy at the warm feeling of his hug. “We’re getting a home.” She spoke into the crook of his neck, smiling giddily to herself.

Steve, just as excited, chuckled in response. “Yeah, princess. We’re gettin’ a home.”

“A fresh start.” She stated, feeling so content in the moment that she closed her eyes, letting herself melt further and further into his embrace.

The man let out a small sigh of relief, happy that she was allowing him to help her. Even if it was only in the slightest of ways, he was thankful to have the chance to try and redeem himself. He’d make sure that he did; not matter how long it took. “A fresh start.”

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!

Taglist: @crist1216 @songforhema @the-obsessive-fangirl @stressedandbandobessed7771 @straightforwardly @fruitypebbles34 @krazykatkay456 @the-kang-bang @uhh-katie-griffiths @mcuclintasha @capsiclesdoll @allsortsofinterests @nova3312 @tyes-girl @kind-sober-fullydressed @mschrisaholic @shirukitsune @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @mccloudchloe @notyourtypicalrose @spider-captain @jesseswartzwelder @firecatcher007 @ctrl-alt-jeon @dixonluvv @may-machin @elew223 @fallenoutofrose @secretsihideinside @kaetastic @smolcuddlycub @deepfrz @avengersassemblee @04justanotherfangirl01 @000bananaclip000 @lunaticgurly @frickin-bats @lilred254 @isawritesstories @xlanawriter @saiyanprincessswanie @melaerica @natdrunk @new-romanticz1989 @charmed-asylum @tenaciousperfectionunknown @buchanansebba @little—bird @secretsthathauntus @xoxabs88xox @miraclesoflove @imma-new-soul

Steve Rogers Taglist: @ilovesupersoldiers @kitty-satan1 @acf2510

Tell me if you want to be added to either!❤️

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n

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writing-for-amusement · 5 years ago

Text

How Long?

Summary: You were a weapons expert and creator for Kingsmen and you’d been working yourself to the bone since the Golden Circle was disbanded. Eggsy Unwin, your close friend and crush that you refused to acknowledge, notices that you’re exhausted. You dismiss his offer to help you relax, but after he tucks you into bed after you fell asleep in your workshop, some feelings come out that you weren’t expecting.

A/N: Alright, mthfckers, I finished it! With all the stuff in my brain, I finally managed to get it all out on the page! I hope you like it, and this is my first time posting smut, so PLEASE tell me what you think of it!

Warnings: some angst, insecurity, canon divergence from Kingsmen: The Golden Circle, some alcohol, Eggsy being a bit of a dick for awhile, SMUT (do NOT read if you’re under 18), oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it b4 you tap it), vaginal sex, lots of kissing and fluff, dirty talk, swearing

Word Count: 6730

Permanent Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @jordyns-library, @natblidaclexa, @peterseuphoria, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @beccaboo929, @softrdj, @icecoldban

“What’s a gorgeous girl like you doing in a place like this?” a familiar voice rang in your ear. You rolled your eyes as you turned around to be met with hazel green eyes.

“Working, Eggsy,” you shot back with a raised brow.

“C’mon, love, no need to be so coarse,” he smirked at you.

“Yeah, there is, because I know you’re just here to bug me instead of letting me actually get some work done,” you scoffed with another eyeroll.

You designed and created weapons/armor for the Kingsmen, and ever since the merger with the Statesmen, your work was now even more worldwide than before. Designing and creating weapons ran in your family; your family had been doing this exact job for the Kingsmen since the organization was founded.

You loved creating something from nothing, and then figuring out how to incorporate it into the style and espionage of the Kingsmen. It stimulated your brain perfectly, combining both creative and technical techniques. Testing the weapons was quite entertaining as well.

It was true what they said about loving your job and never working a day in your life, or at least it was true for you.

Eggsy, though, was the one part of your job that made you dread going to work on occasion. He loved to bug you with annoying and needless questions.

It hadn’t always been like this, though. When Eggsy first became a Kingsman, you were still in your “apprenticeship” with your family and several master craftsmen. Your post was already guaranteed with the secret organization, but due to a minor accident from your youth, your actual apprenticeship started a year late.

Of course, you’d been creating things since before you could speak in full-fledged sentences, but the rules had to be followed.

So, Eggsy had been a Kingsman for six months when you finally arrived to begin your actual job. He’d already used a few of your weapons and had no idea what your job was supposed to be when Merlin introduced you.

“So, uh, who are you? Too lovely to be a Kingsman, ain’t ya?” he’d asked you.

Your ears burned but you kept your cool. You’d always been better with technology than people. “I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself. “I create the weapons.”

“Oh really?” he asked with a smirk. You nodded. “Well, quite a talented lovely thing, aren’t ya? I’m surprised, though, ‘cause I thought that our current guy, Greg, was too young to retire or whateva.”

“That’s my uncle,” you said. “He’s 68, Mr. Unwin. He doesn’t look it, but he is.”

“So, why’d you get the job?” he then asked with narrowed eyes.

“Their family has been designing and creating our weapons since the organization began, Eggsy,” Merlin stepped in. “They are incredibly talented with technology and creativity. Y/N is especially talented; probably the most talented yet.”

“Oh, Merlin, you exaggerate,” you laughed, bumping his shoulder slightly. “Always been one for dramatics, of course.”

“Well, I look forward to usin’ your creations, Y/N,” Eggsy said with a grin. “You goin’ to the bar for the agent party?”

“Yeah,” you said with a small sigh, “I have to.”

“Oh, it won’t be that bad, Y/N!” Merlin reassured you.

“Not a fan of parties, eh?” Eggsy asked rhetorically. “Stick with me, love, and you’ll be fine. I’ll see you at the party tomorrow,” he winked as he strode away.

At the party, you were surprised to see Eggsy flirting with you. You flirted back to the best of your abilities, though most of it was you looking away sheepishly and trying to keep your heartrate down.

It continued like that for several weeks and a handful of parties. You got close to Eggsy, at least as friends, and he continued to flirt with you. His winks would make your heart skip happily, and his pet names made your soul soar. You’d never been around anyone quite like Eggsy.

One day, though, it all went crashing down.

Eggsy invited you and Merlin out to a club to unwind after a particularly tense mission. You always worked backup for Merlin during missions that would be difficult. That one had everyone on the edge of their seats and hoping everything would work out smoothly.

At the club, Eggsy handed you your favorite drink with a wink, then went off to find the friends he’d invited. Merlin was off talking to a handsome man, but Eggsy promised that he’d be right back to “give you all his attention.” And you believed him, because he had never given you a reason to doubt him.

You waited patiently for Eggsy to return, sipping slowly on your drink as you blended into the crowd like you always did. As you waited, you’d typed a few ideas for more tech on your phone. When you heard Eggsy’s bright laugh, you turned with hope in your eyes.

The hope quickly died.

Eggsy was wrapped around an incredibly leggy, thin woman, mouthing at her neck as she ran her hands through his hair. The man straightened as they reached the bar, ordering a few drinks. It was then that you saw his friends had followed behind him. You decided to watch for a few more minutes before you’d make your exit.

After the woman shouted about going to the bathroom, Eggsy’s friend Jamal began to shout as well. You were glad you’d worn your “secret ears” that allowed you to listen to conversations that were far away. They also allowed you to filter out noises and hone in on the conversation you wanted; these were a new prototype and you had known tonight would be a good opportunity to test them more.

“Eggsy,” Jamal began, “what about that one girl you’ve been workin’ with? Thought you had a thing for her, with how you talk about her.”

“Ya mean Y/N?” Eggsy waved the man off as he downed a shot. “She’s not the type for some fun, ya know? Realized tha’ when I saw her earlier, covered in oil from a project.”

The men laughed as your eyes misted over with tears.

Eggsy had only been nice and had flirted with you because he wanted some “fun,” not because he saw you as a friend or potential girlfriend.

You’d left the club immediately after that, refusing to cry as you made your way home. To your happiness, you didn’t cry about the deception at all. You had been deceived before, so your recovery from this one was short.

Eggsy continued to be nice to you at work, but you stopped attempting to flirt back. Instead, you would do your best to keep all conversations professional, to a spine-straightening point. Eventually, he stopped attempting to flirt so much, and you allowed a few nonprofessional conversations until you both became genuine friends.

Still, sometimes you’d think about his deception and your heart would ache. And sometimes, well, you really were infatuated with him. As much as you hated it and tried to push it away, you had a crush on the handsome, sweet agent.

Even though you were friends now, with your crush always pushed away, sometimes you really couldn’t handle him in your space. It was certainly one of those days.

“Why, Y/N, I would never distract you from your work, certainly not on purpose!” Eggsy said dramatically.

With another roll of your eyes, you picked up your blowtorch. You lowered your goggles down over your eyes again and began to solder the metal carefully.

“Y/N,” Eggsy repeated your name. When you didn’t answer, he repeated your name until you couldn’t take it anymore.

You whirled around with your blowtorch still on, glaring at him through your tinted goggles. “What?” you growled menacingly.

Eggsy flinched in surprise, not used to seeing you look so threatening. “I, uh, I was wondering if you’d go over some things from the previous mission with me?”

You narrowed your eyes and he quickly waved his tablet at you. Ever since the majority of the organization had been lost due to the Golden Circle, you were taking on many more responsibilities. Merlin, now in a wheelchair, was focused on recruiting new agents with Harry, who had adopted the pseudonym Lancelot, allowing Eggsy to remain Galahad.

“Fine,” you sighed heavily, “just let me finish this prototype. Okay? And don’t bug me or I’ll melt those lips right off your face.”

“Right,” Eggsy seemed to believe your threat, turning away and allowing you to finish what you were doing.

You were trying to develop working legs for Merlin, but he didn’t want any like Gazelle’s, or the kind of prosthesis Charlie had for his arm. Merlin wanted legs that were sophisticated and functional as actual legs, not weapons. He refused to go back out into the field, no matter the circumstance, stating that he was much too old now. You knew that it was total garbage, but you couldn’t blame him. And, well, he really did love to be working behind the scenes; it was what he was best at.

“Okay,” you announced as you pushed your goggles onto your forehead and pulled off your gloves. You removed your apron and tossed it on the table before crossing over to Eggsy. The man gave you a small smile, noticing your overall tense posture.

“When was the last time you got laid, Y/N?” he asked you suddenly.

You looked at him sharply in shock. “Excuse me?”

“When did you last get some, Y/N?” he chuckled. “Like, when was the last time you orgasmed? Or had someone rock your world?”

You rolled your eyes again and calmed your heartrate as you snatched the tablet from his hands. As you scanned the electronic paperwork, you could feel Eggsy’s eyes burning into the side of your face.

“I’ll take your silence as you saying that it’s been awhile,” he smirked at you.

“It’s none of your business,” you snapped, shoving the tablet back at him. “Your paperwork looks fine; everything looks in order. I signed it. Now let me get back to these damn legs, alright?”

You put your goggles back on as you sat down, making them focus on the wiring you had in front of you, making sure to turn off the tint of the goggles. You grasped your tweezers in steady hands as you got back to work.

“You know, Y/N,” Eggsy’s smooth voice interrupted your journey to your working zone, “I could help out with that orgasm problem ya have.” He was leaning on your table and looking down at you with unreadable green eyes.

You scowled at him. “Nice offer, Eggsy,” you drawled, “but I’m fine. Now please leave, I really do need to focus on this work.”

Eggsy stared at you for a few more moments before nodding. “Alright, love, sorry for disrupting ya. Make sure ya get some rest tonight, okay? You need it.”

“I will, Eggsy,” you said as genuinely as you could.

The agent smiled at you tenderly and pressed a kiss to your forehead like he often did when you were stressed. As soon as he left, the door closing behind him, you let your head fall into your hands.

You really were tired. You’d been putting in way too many hours, but no one knew about it, and your skills were needed. No one knew that you were staying well into the night in your workshop, sometimes even sleeping on a cot in the corner. Not even Merlin or Harry knew, being much too busy with waves of recruits.

You yanked your goggles down around your neck and rubbed your tired eyes. After a mental debate about whether or not to think about Eggsy and his stupid offer, you heaved a deep sigh. He had been right, of course, but he didn’t need the ego boost of knowing that for sure. You’d never been a horny person, not really. Sure, sex was nice, but it wasn’t like you needed it or craved it, not the way Eggsy seemed to.

After a few moments of irritated thoughts running through your head, you pulled your goggles back up and got back to work.

You were woken up by the feeling of being in the air. As you opened drowsy eyes, you saw Eggsy above you and looking forward stoically.

“Eggsy?” you mumbled while you rubbed the blurriness from your eyes. “What’s goin’ on? What time is it?”

“It’s two a.m., Y/N,” he sighed as he looked down at you. “I had a feeling that you weren’t going to go home tonight, so I came to check on ya. Lo and behold, I find you asleep on your desk, goggles still on and still holding those tweezers.” He chuckled at the memory. “So, I figured I’d take you to an actual bed so you could get some actual sleep.”

“How are we moving?” you asked as a yawn graced your face.

“Uh, I’m carryin’ you, love,” he raised a brow at you.

“Huh? How? I weigh so much more than you.”

“You’re not as heavy as you think,” he rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’m an agent, I work out all the time. But really, you’re not as heavy as you seem to think.”

You huffed but found yourself too sleepy to argue. The sleepiness was taking over as you nuzzled into Eggsy’s chest, drifting back into a light slumber.

When Eggsy gently lowered you onto your bed in the residential area of headquarters, you woke up again. Your sleepy mind registered the man taking off your shoes and socks, then tucking you in. He even went so far as to plug in your phone for you.

You reached out and tugged on his pinky as he looked around the room. His green eyes looked down at you and you smiled at him sleepily. “Thanks, Eggsy,” you mumbled, “you’re a good person. Even if,” you paused to yawn, “you annoy me on purpose.”

Eggsy chuckled and ruffled your hair. As you drifted off to sleep, your mind barely registered the man kissing your forehead and whispering, “I love you, Y/N.”

You woke up with a start, not quite realizing where you were. As you looked around and saw familiar furnishings, you knew you were in your room at headquarters. You rarely used the room, though, even though you often slept at headquarters.

A light snore drew your eyes to the corner of the room, where Eggsy was sleeping on the recliner. His hat was over his eyes and his shoes were next to the chair.

You ran your hand over your face and over the top of your head, managing to smooth it down a bit. After checking the time and realizing you’d slept a full eight hours, you swung your legs over the side of the beg and crossed to Eggsy.

“Eggsy,” you gently shook his shoulder. “Eggsy,” you sang gently, a tender smile on your lips. “C’mon, Unwin, time to wake up.”

The man grumbled and you snatched the hat from its spot over his eyes. “Ugh, bright!” he complained, throwing his arm over his face. “Y/N,” he whined.

“C’mon, Eggsy, you gotta wake up,” you chuckled. “It’s like 10:30 in the morning.”

He was suddenly scrambling to sit up properly, his eyes wide. The panicked green looked at you and calmed ever so slightly, but then he demanded, “What day is it?”

“Um, Saturday?” you answered hesitantly. After a quick check of your phone, you nodded and repeated, “Saturday.”

Eggsy let out a deep sigh of relief and leaned back into the recliner. “Thank goodness,” he breathed. “You have no idea how happy I am to not be hungover on a Saturday… though I guess I have you to thank for that.”

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come check on me,” you muttered bitterly.

“I wanted to,” Eggsy informed you with a tone that said it should be obvious. “I was worried about you, Y/N. You really have been stressed lately. I should’ve noticed sooner. Hell, I didn’t even see that cot you’ve been sleeping on in the workshop until last night.”

“Oh, I have?” you asked innocently as you pulled a clean shirt out of the closet.

“You’ve been so incredibly tense, Y/N,” Eggsy stated.

“I guess you’re right,” you shrugged as you bent to look through your pile of old leggings at the bottom of your closet. You wanted to get out of the ones you were in.

Eggsy was right behind you as you straightened. His eyes were dark with an unreadable expression, and it made you shiver in a surprisingly delicious way.

“You know, I was serious when I said I could help you relax, Y/N,” he nearly purred in a low voice. “I could help you, if you let me.”

You felt arousal and indignation rise in your chest and you found yourself whirling around to poke him in the chest in anger. “You don’t know what I need,” you nearly hissed. “And I know you weren’t serious. Now please, step aside so I can shower.”

Eggsy looked hurt and didn’t move from his spot. “How would you know if I’m serious or not? I am, by the way, but why would you think I’m not?”

You sighed and felt the anger ebb towards the same accepting sadness that you’d felt ever since that night in the club. Still, you rustled up enough frustration to sneer, “Because I’m not the type for ‘some fun,’ Eggsy.” You pushed past his broad form and started towards the bathroom with your clothes.

Eggsy’s rough but warm and gentle hand grabbed your wrist to pull you to a stop. “Y/N, what are you talking about?” he asked with genuine confusion.

Your previously buried emotions burst out of their graves with a vengeance and your eyes began to mist with long-retired tears. “I heard you that night, Eggsy. After the Norway mission, at the club, I heard you say that you knew I wasn’t the type for ‘some fun.’ You almost literally said that I wasn’t worth spending time with because I’m not a thin, leggy, properly proportioned thing. So, that is how I know you’re not serious. I’m not your type, Eggsy. I get it. I just hate,” you angrily wiped at a steamy tear that escaped, “that you pretended to be nice to me because you wanted to see if I was worth the effort.”

You yanked your wrist from his grasp and let your clothes fall to the floor as you angrily wiped at the tears that were performing a prison break. Huffing incoherent curses at yourself, you whirled around from Eggsy and rubbed at your face.

“Stupid fucking emotions, fucking face, stupid fucking eyes and chemicals, stupid motherfucking Y/N,” you viciously spat to yourself under your breath.

“The Norway… but that was nearly two years ago, Y/N!”

“I am aware,” you hissed back.

“And… that’s why you became so distant after that.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and tried to shrink into yourself. “It’s whatever, Eggsy. I know the truth and I’ve accepted it.”

“But you didn’t hear the rest of that conversation,” Eggsy said gently, taking one of the hands that was scrubbing at your face angrily.

“It doesn’t matter, Eggsy,” you tried to tug your hand away, but he held fast.

Eggsy pulled you to the bed and sat you both down on the edge of it. He laced your hands together and you didn’t know what to do.

“That night,” he began quietly, “I decided that you weren’t made for fun, Y/N. You were made for the long haul, to be wooed and swept off your feet, to be loved for who you are. You aren’t made to be tossed aside or ignored after one night. And after you disappeared that night, well, I realized that I wanted to be the one to woo you.”

“What?” you stuttered.

He ran his thumb over your knuckles. “I like you, Y/N. In fact, I think I love you, I’m in love with you. I was hoping to start seriously flirting with you, wooing you, after that night at the club. But you were shut off. It was night and day; the sweet, shy, adorable Y/N was now barely acknowledging me. It broke my heart, but I decided that being friends would be enough for me. Of course, I just fell more and more in love with you every day, but there was nothing I could do. I want you to be happy.”

You swallowed nervously. “Eggsy, I’m not… I’m not that great. And, I mean, look at me, and then look at you…” You sighed. “You won’t like what’s underneath these clothes.”

Eggsy tilted your head towards him. You were surprised when he pressed your foreheads together and rubbed his thumb on your cheekbone. “Darling, I already love you. Why would you being naked make me love you less? Just the thought of it,” he inhaled sharply, “the thought of it gets me all sorts of bothered, love. But I need to know what you feel, too, sweetheart.”

“I,” you tried to calm the beating of your heart, “I think… I think that I feel the same.”

“Yeah?” he asked gently, the brightest smile on his face.

“Yeah,” you echoed. “I… I really, really like you, Eggsy. Maybe, maybe even love. I just don’t… I never thought… I never thought you could love me too, so I’ve never let… let myself admit the feelings. I actually don’t know if I’ll be able to really… accept that you are in love with… me.”

“Can I show you, love? Please, let me show you, how much I love you, and how much I want you, for you. It’ll be okay. Please, trust me.”

“I do trust you,” you stated.

“Good,” he smirked, and you saw a bit of that other side of him that you had always seen before. That softness, though, that gleam, was still there. You let yourself start to believe, or understand, that maybe, maybe, it was actual love in his eyes.

“May I?” Eggsy inquired with such gentleness. “Please, love.”

“Are you sure?” You fiddled with the edge of your shirt, “It’s really not… the best.”

“I’m positive, love. Please,” he pleaded softly.

“Okay,” you breathed, nodding for emphasis.

Eggsy beamed at you before kissing your forehead. He started to pepper kisses all over your face, finally stopping at your lips, where you really wanted him.

After hovering for what felt like too long, Eggsy pressed his soft lips to yours. At that moment, you felt your entire body relax against him. His large hand slid down from your face and rested on your waist. When your body tensed at that, he gently nipped your lip. He smiled against your lips as you hummed in response.

Your nerves were tingling and sparked as Eggsy’s tongue brushed the seam of your lips. Eggsy pulled you closer and nearly growled into your mouth when it opened for him.

You let out a small yelp of surprise as Eggsy pulled you into his lap so you could straddle him. His pupils were blown with lust and adoration as you pulled back, your hands on his shoulders and resting most of your weight on your knees. Large hands gripped your hips tightly and you did your best to relax.

Eggsy rubbed his nose against yours, tilting your head and pressing a sweeter kiss to your lips. He squeezed your hips gently and nipped your lip again.

“C’mon, love,” he murmured as he pulled your lip with his teeth, “you’re not gonna break me, darling. Just relax.”

You let out a shaky breath, still stiffer than you wanted to be. Suddenly, you were letting out another yelp as Eggsy pulled your hips towards him. Now, you were firmly seated on his lap, yours faces mere breaths away from each other, and your arms now around his neck. His eyes were sparkling, and his body felt absolutely delicious against you.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he cupped your cheek. “I’ve always wanted to feel you like this, darling. So bloody beautiful.”

Your blood heated and you looked down shyly. “Me too,” you admitted quietly.

“Do I get to make you feel good, love?” he asked you, brushing his lips against yours.

“Are you sure?” you whispered one last time.

Eggsy let out a growl and pulled your hips down against him. You could feel his hardness against you, and you let out a small squeak. He dragged your hips back and forth slowly, his breathing ragged, and you couldn’t help the moan that left your mouth as your eyes squeezed shut. You started to move on your own, delighting in his small whimpers.

Eggsy felt so good underneath you, his hard cock straining against his pants. When your head tilted back, he leaned forward and began to press wet kisses to your neck. He lightly grazed his teeth across your pulse point and your breath hitched.

Another growl left Eggsy and the next thing you knew, you were on your back. Eggsy smirked down at you as he straddled your waist, his eyes dark with hunger.

As he leaned down to nuzzle your neck, you heard him chuckle. “So sensitive, aren’t you darling?” he breathed against your throat as he began to roll his hips against you. “It’s been awhile since you’ve been touched like this, hasn’t it?” His hand traced up and down from under your breasts and to your waist. “Does it feel nice, love? Hm?”

You nodded, only to hear him huff in amusement.

“Mm, doesn’t work that way, love,” Eggsy whispered in your ear. “I need to hear you. I want to hear your voice, your whimpers and moans. I want to hear everything that I do to you. Do you think you can manage that, darling?”

“Yes,” you murmured.

“Good,” he kissed behind your ear.

Eggsy stopped straddling you and instead pushed your knees apart. He settled against you comfortably, a hum in his throat. Holding himself up on one arm, Eggsy breezed his hand back up your side. He palmed your breast and you couldn’t hold back the sigh that left your throat. Eggsy essentially purred as he felt your soft body.

The simple sensation of feeling his hands on your body, his body putting weight on yours, was making you feel incredibly comfortable. When he squeezed your breast again and you bit your lip, he let out a growl.

Both hands traced down your body, to the bottom of your shirt. Eggsy slowed down slightly as you tensed a bit; instead of pushing your shirt up, he slid his hands under it, gently petting your skin, and pressed kisses to your stomach.

Eggsy kissed a ticklish spot and you let out a giggle. You felt him smirk against you and his nimble fingers, still under your shirt, began to tickle you. Letting out a squeal of laughter, you squirmed under him to try and escape his fingers. Your hands pushed against him as you pleaded for him to stop tickling you.

Your hands were pinned to the bed and Eggsy’s eyes burned up at you from his spot between your thighs.

“What do you want, darling?” he whispered.

“You,” you sighed dreamily.

Your eyes locked on Eggsy’s as he took the bottom of your shirt with his teeth. He chuckled as you squirmed a bit, moving up your body and bringing your shirt with him. You giggled as his breath puffed against your skin. He stopped right at the bottom of your bra.

“You are terribly delectable,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to your sternum.

“You could do well to go faster, you know,” you murmured back, putting your hands on his shoulders. “I don’t mind.”

“I want to take my time with you, love,” Eggsy replied. “But if you’re getting impatient, well, all you have to do is ask. Unless you’re too proud.”

You huffed with amusement, only for it to be cut off as Eggsy pressed a kiss to your covered nipple. He chuckled against your skin and bit your nipple gently.

“C’mon, you just gotta say it,” he said into your skin before laving his tongue over your still-covered-but-now-peaked nipple. His other hand came up and pinched your other nipple between his fingers. Your breath hitched and Eggsy chuckled again.

“C’mon,” you nearly whined, “Eggsy, you don’t have to tease. Don’t you want me?”

His eyes flashed almost dangerously. “Of course, darling. But I also want to watch you squirm and beg. Though, I suppose,” he paused as he pulled your bra down and revealed your breasts, “we’ll have plenty of time for that.”

With that, Eggsy essentially attacked your nipple, sucking it into his mouth with a vigor you had never thought you’d get to experience. His eyes sparkled up at you, still blown with lust, as his other hand continued to pull and squeeze your other one.

When Eggsy bit your nipple, you gasped, clutching his shoulders tightly. You felt his smile as he removed his lips, tugging your bud with his teeth before letting go. He sucked a hickey into your soft skin before kissing up to your collarbone. Eggsy seemed to enjoy creating hickeys as much as you enjoyed receiving them, since he was littering you with dark red and purple marks.

He made his way to your other nipple, squeezing your breast in his hand and flicking his tongue across it. You whimpered and he growled into your skin. After another moment, you felt his hand dance down your side and grip your thigh.

At his gentle urging, you wrapped your leg around his waist. When he pulled your nipple slowly again, you scratched at his shoulders and pulled him up to your mouth. You caught his bottom lip in your teeth and sucked, delighting in his gasp of delight.

“Little minx,” he grinned into your lips.

“Shush,” you breathed back, crashing your lips back to his.

The hand that was on your thigh moved to pull down your leggings. He scrambled to get them off before ripping your legs apart again. His body slid down yours and his green eyes sparkled up at you from between your thighs.

You breathed in shakily as he ran gentle fingers over your clothed pussy. You nearly let out a yelp when he pressed his lips to the top of your labia. Eggsy seemed to breathe in deeply, another growl deep in his throat, and tongued up your panties.

“You smell divine, love,” he growled into you, “I wonder if your juices taste as amazing. Good thing I’m already here.”

Before you could say anything, Eggsy legitimately ripped your panties. He tossed the scraps to the side and pulled your labia apart. He hummed in happiness and arousal as you dripped for him, muttering something that you couldn’t hear.

Then, his tongue licked at your opening.

You wrapped your thighs around his head, delighting in his hum of approval, and ran your hands through his hair. Eggsy moved his tongue to your clit, flicking it gently then harder as you moaned in approval.

His wonderful fingers gently probed your opening as his delicious lips wrapped around your clit and sucked.

“Fuck, Eggsy,” you sighed.

“That’s right, baby, talk to me,” he paused his sucking to say to you.

You nodded, breathing out a curse word or two as he plunged two fingers inside of you. Eggsy pressed into the roof of your pussy, massaging your walls. He started to move his fingers faster and soon, with a come-hither motion, he found your g-spot.

“Shit, Eggsy, fuck, right there,” you whined, pulling on his hair.

Eggsy hummed around your clit as he finger-fucked your dripping pussy. You squeezed your thighs around his head, and he did something—you couldn’t tell what—but he did something with his fingers and his mouth, making you come around his fingers with a harsh cry of his name and a growl ripped from your throat.

“Fuck, darling,” he breathed as he stroked you down from your high.

“Eggsy,” you managed to get out.

“Look at that beautiful pussy, darling,” he said in a reverent and breathy voice. “That gorgeous pussy dripping wet all for me. I was right when I said you tasted amazing.”

Your breathing hitched as he wrapped his lips around his fingers and licked your juices from them. To top it off, he’d stared you down as he did.

“Eggsy, I need you,” you pleaded, holding your hands out for him.

“Oh, my needy girl,” he purred, taking your hands in his.

With a wicked grin, you pulled yourself up and quickly pinned him to the bed. Those beautiful and loving green eyes regarded you with surprise and an intense arousal as you slid down his body, keeping one hand threaded with his.

“My turn,” you smirked, slipping your hands under his shirt. Eggsy purred and folded his arms behind his head to stare down at you. It made you feel a bit nervous, but as you felt Eggsy’s hard cock under your body, you realized how much power you had under your fingertips. You were ready for some fun.

You pushed Eggsy’s shirt up and pressed chaste kisses to his abs. Moving down, you tugged a bit on his pants, revealing his hipbones. With a smirk up at him, you kissed his hipbone before nipping it. As his breath hitched, you sucked a deep hickey into his hip.

“You’re already going to be the death of me, Y/N,” Eggsy sighed.

With a light chuckle, you pulled his pants down more and continued to nip and kiss his skin. Eggsy lifted his legs a little, whining to just take the pants off already. You gave in to his pleas; as you slid the pants off, he threw his shirt over his head and laid back again.

His cock was straining against his boxer-briefs and you could see a small wet patch forming on the gray cloth. Your mouth nearly watered and you palmed him before giving him a squeeze. Eggsy hissed and you saw his jaw clench.

With another smirk sent his way, you mouthed the outline of his cock and rubbed your hands on his thighs. You felt the heat from his cock and decided to just go for it.

You were as full of surprises as Eggsy could be.

Pulling his boxers down, Eggsy’s rather lovely cock sprang up, the tip essentially weeping for attention. Weeping for your attention.

Licking your lips, you gripped the base and heard Eggsy’s inhalation. You stroked him gently, lightly, before you surprised him again by wrapping your lips around his tip.

“Shit,” he moaned, moving one hand to run it through your hair. “Fuck, baby,” he purred as you sucked his tip.

You hummed in the back of your throat as you swirled your tongue around his head, pressing right under it. With one hand, you cupped his balls and delighted in his moan. You hollowed your cheeks and tried to relax as you lowered your mouth farther down.

Eggsy gripped your hair in a tight hand and moaned, making you hum again. Bobbing your head up and down hollowing your cheeks, you glanced up at him and felt your body shiver at his heavy-lidded gaze.

You took all of him in your mouth and hummed, dragging your tongue along him. A moan tore from Eggsy’s throat and suddenly he was tugging you off his cock.

“Darling, that mouth is dangerous,” he growled as he pulled you to his chest.

“Didn’t you know?” you breathed against him.

Eggsy let out another growl and lightly smacked your ass before pulling your other leg across his waist. You held back a small moan and saw his eyes gleam at that reaction.

He was obviously ignoring that until later, though, as he crashed his lips into yours and squeezed your hips. You rubbed your dripping slit along his cock, both of you moaning in response. Your hips bucked slightly as his pressed against your clit.

Eggsy raised your hips and used one hand to guide his cock to your opening. You moaned with your head tilted back and grasped his shoulders.

“That’s right, baby, take me nice and slow. You feel so good, baby, so wet for me,” Eggsy leaned towards you, whispering in your ear sensually.

You lowered yourself onto his cock, the moan erupting from your mouth. Eggsy groaned out a curse and various praises as you seated yourself on him fully. Your breathing was uneven as you arched, and Eggsy ran his hands up and down your sides.

“Breathe, love, breathe,” he murmured to you. “That’s it, love, fuck, you feel so good squeezing my cock, baby. So good and you haven’t moved yet, fuck.”

You smiled a bit and gave an experimental swirl of your hips.

Eggsy nearly yelled your name.

With a devious grin, you began to move up and down on his cock, swirling your hips as you did. He was reaching places that hadn’t been touched in too long; one hand squeezed your hip while the other moved to squeeze and palm your breasts.

“Fuck,” you moaned as he took your nipple in his mouth. He nipped and tugged on it, making your hips buck on his cock violently.

“That’s it, baby, doing so good. What do you want, darling, hm? What do you need?”

You panted and sat fully on him again, moaning in the back of your throat. Squeezing your muscles, you circled your hips without moving up. Eggsy began to kiss your neck and whispered the same question in your ear.

“Fuck, Eggsy,” you whimpered in his ear as he arched into you, making you feel fuller than you thought possible, “fuck, you feel so good.”

“That’s right, baby, you’re making me feel bloody amazing. C’mon, baby, tell me what you need. I know you need more. Tell me,” he growled as he started to fuck into you.

“Fuck, Eggsy!” his thumb began to rub your clit and you leaned your head on his shoulder. “Eggsy, please, fuck, just, fuck me, make me come, please!”

His growl made you shiver as he flipped you over, pounding into you hard and fast. Eggsy rubbed your clit furiously, his moans mixing with yours. You dug your nails into his shoulders, and he leant to bite your neck. You were getting so, so close; he made you feel better than anyone ever had.

“Fuck, darling, you make me want to come so bad,” he mumbled into your neck.

“Please, Eggsy, please,” you babbled breathlessly. “Please, you feel so good, wanna feel you come, wanna come with you.”

“That’s right, baby,” he whispered as he moved to kiss you deeply. “Fuck, darling. So fucking close, Y/N, you feel so good.”

“Eggsy,” you whined into his mouth. “Please.”

“Come for me, Y/N, let’s come together, c’mon,” he pleaded into your mouth.

Eggsy bit your lip and sheathed his pulsing cock fully into you, sending you over that coveted edge with a pinch to your clit.

“Eggsy!” you called out as your vision went white, clutching him close to your body. He followed you while your muscles clenched around him like they would never relax. His groan of your name into your mouth made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, in a different way that the orgasm made you feel.

Eggsy pulled out as you both calmed your breathing, but he let his body lay on you with his face tucked into your neck. You chuckled breathlessly and ran your hands up and down his back, delighting in his purr of comfort. His skin was smooth and soft, his toned muscles relaxed from the orgasm.

“Fuck, I love you so much,” Eggsy murmured into your skin.

“I love you too,” you admitted gently.

On slightly shaky arms, Eggsy pushed up to look at you with adoration in his eyes. “I’ve wanted to hear you say that for so long, Y/N.”

“How long?” you asked teasingly.

“Longer than you could imagine. But I’d wait again.”

“For how long?”

“However long it takes, darling,” he told you as he pressed a sweet, loving kiss to your lips. “However long it takes.”

#eggsy unwin x plus size reader #eggsy unwin x reader #eggsy unwin smut #plus size reader #plus size reader insert #smut #probably horribly written smut #please let me know what you think

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sworntoprotect · 4 years ago

Text

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat. Long post!

MUN NAME: Pie AGE: +25 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord (mutuals only, by request)

CHARACTER(S): Cullen

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Dragon Age

FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: I have a modern verse for everything not Dragon Age, but I might add some actual alt verses for other fandoms

MY LANGUAGE(S): English (native), Spanish (intermediate), Korean (baby lol beginner), bits and bobs of other languages (namely French and French Patois)

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA / ETC. (I started this and realised I’d be bolding almost everything, so: EVERYTHING)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ PARA / NOVELLA. / ALL

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO / OCCASIONALLY - only by Mutuals?: ��YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. / ALL

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (after my paper is submitted, yeah sure)

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (irl makes coping difficult sometimes)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ WEEKS / MONTHS / YEARS. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY INTERACTING WITH: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (I strive for more IC over OOC, but my queue does a lot of work too)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: Talk with me over IM, asks, or Disco. I’m down for almost anything as long as I see it’s feasible.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Transparency. If you have an idea, let me know! If you’re stuck, let me know! If you want to start something new or scrap something or whatever...LET ME KNOW! I promise I don’t bite and I understand.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I’m not very good with coming up with plots myself, so I’m typically the weak link when it comes to that. Sorry! But you bet I’ll pull up a plot generator and start throwing things down to see what sticks haha.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I’m all about equal opportunity, so I try not to leave the plotting work to my partner. Let’s negotiate and find something that makes both of us happy. That’s the point after all.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - AND WHY?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. I want to know so that I don’t end up replying to something you have no interest in anymore. Saves both of us the time.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: If drafts eat it (as they are wont to do these days) or if I feel it has reached a natural conclusion. I rarely, if ever, drop a thread in the middle. I’ll just let you know I’m going to finish it on my side and allow you a chance to finish on yours if you’d like.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO. - AND WHY?: You don’t need to chat with me every minute of every day, but I like knowing the people I’m writing with. Discerning your personality and your approach to your muse gives me a much stronger understanding of how to write with you, and what vibes between us. Plus, it’s easier to remember different people’s boundaries if I talk with them a lot, too.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I am all for constructive criticism. Even if you think it’s nitpicky, it’s going to be a great help. Good crit allows us grow as writers and as people in general. However, I am not for baseless accusations, childish name-calling, or outright insults under the name of “constructive crit”. Remember the “constructive” part: we need to build each other up.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I love a good story. While I don’t agree with everything Cullen does (and no one should, for anyone real or imagined), his story is intriguing. He’s a deeply flawed, deeply broken man. I love to take on a character, toss them in every situation I can think of, and watch them evolve and grow.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: A real redemption arc, for one. A realistic struggle with substance abuse and recovery. A future of happiness.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Rape or sexual assault, unless being spoken about as a past event (as I truly believe that Cullen was sexually assaulted at Kinloch along with the other psychological and physical torture he endured). In-game racism is baked in, unfortunately, but it’s not something I seek out to roleplay as a PoC myself. Finally, while I play Cullen as canon-straight, I will not play out homophobia and most definitely not transphobia. If he rejects your muse for hitting on him, it’s not because he’s being homophobic: he’s just not interested. That also doesn’t mean he’ll never be interested; people can and do change, and I ship chemistry overall. He doesn’t hate your muse for their gender, orientation, or sexual preferences. I feel like I really have to spell this out for people who don’t understand. If you feel personally insulted by this somehow, feel free to address me directly, off anon. It’s probably an issue of fuzzy wording that I’m 500% willing to fix and talk about.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: I love starters that set the scene and provide plenty to work with, be it in terms of interacting with the environment or with the other person. If your muse shows immediate disinterest in communicating (and I don’t mean argumentative, which is perfectly fine), I am not going to respond. I might politely ask for more if I feel like it’s a salvageable interaction.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Stoic soldier types, bubbly short girls, and semi-mad scientists.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that come across as Mary-Sue / Gary-Stu types. No flaws and barely any room to grow.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I'm very easy-going and I have an unearthly level of tolerance for almost everything. I try to provide partners with as much to work with as possible IC, and will pretty much support your very existence OOC. I believe in open communication so you’ll know what’s going on with me and/or our threads. Also, I typically reply within a week or two. Currently I’m tethered to finishing a big paper so I’m not a good example of that right now.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I can get overwhelmed by too much which slows my pace down considerably. I’m also a bit distant and do shut down on occasion; that’s usually no fault of my partners, though. Just my brain being a dick.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (the closer we are OOC, the easier getting here will be)

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (it’s not going to be XXX but it will be descriptive)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN, FADE TO BLACK?: YES / NO.

WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: I prefer to write smut for character development and to mark a progression in a relationship. Plus Cullen is not a “one and done” guy so getting to the smut stage will take a bit of build-up.

ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Hmmm things that he personally wouldn’t go for I guess? Honestly I don’t know. And obviously, no rape/animal abuse/predator nonsense.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO Ships are a great way to further explore a character and their motivations. People do not exist in pure isolation, so I don’t believe characters should, either.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. I bolded both because the focus of the blog isn’t ships, but this thirst trap guy is really easy to ship with other people I tell ya hwat. I am severely picky with romantic ships for Reasons, but I don’t eschew any other types of ships. I encourage them!

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / SINGLEVERSE.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Characters who challenge Cullen into revising his point of view and force him to be a better person. Also, characters who understand his past and they are in no ways obligated to forgive it, but do recognise that he’s struggling very hard to mend whatever mistakes he can and is willing to pay the price for his decisions.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - Be a good salesperson and I might buy it.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Cullen is a massive stick in the mud, which means it’s incredibly easy to taunt him and get him flustered all at the same time. He’s loyal, he’s intelligent, and he’s largely self-aware. He likes swords and using them. Anything your character hates about him, he most likely hates about himself 100 times more.

WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Those from the start that show absolutely no interest in speaking with/interacting with him. Mun and muse are going to struggle to stick around. I’m not going to fight for attention and neither is he.

WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, WHAT IS THEIR GOAL?: Redemption. He wants to be a better person and make up for the past as much as he can.

WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: He can sniff out a fellow Templar a mile away (or several miles, in the case of Samson).

WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Honesty, a strong will, devotion (not necessarily to the Maker or the Chantry, but to a just cause that focuses on protecting others).

WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: War stuff, chess, books, trebuchets, dogs.

WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Lectures about anything. He did his time in Azkaban in the Circles. No more. Please no more.

DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: His parents died trying to escape the Blight, he was tortured for weeks/months on end by blood mages, almost all of his friends died because of it, he was manipulated and brainwashed by his superior, he was forced into a near-debilitating substance addiction by his workplace... yeah just a few things.

WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: Darkspawn and abominations.

IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Darkspawn and abominations. Blood mages on principle. Regular mages (but he’s working hard to remedy this extremely bad and prejudiced thinking). Himself.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - BEST WAY TO APPROACH THEM?: Just be polite and he won’t turn you away. He’s guarded, yes, but not impossible to talk to.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: You’ll find out by writing together! ;D

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

tagged by: pirated tagging: anyone who actually read this

#a quiet inquiry (memes)#// long post #// very long post

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s-j-ace · 5 years ago

Text

New Plan!

Characters: Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 9,119

Summary:

Kokichi Ouma, leader of the mysterious group of thieves that go only by DICE, is going through the motions of orchestrating their biggest heist ever when an unexpected bump in the road changes everything. That bump in the road is a detective and his name is Shuichi Saihara.

Essentially the events of That’s the Thing About Airplanes from Kokichi’s POV

Read on AO3

Kokichi Ouma was ready to be bored out of his mind for the next eight hours as he boarded the flight behind his motley crew. He was trying to keep himself busy by being generally exasperated with them. They were supposed to be posing as different family units or strangers that didn’t know one another, but King was supposed to be Rook’s uncle and they were touching each other’s butts while handing the lady their boarding passes. Bishop and Hearts were practically leaning on each other like they were tired or whatever, but they were supposed to be total strangers. Maybe they could be rewritten as half siblings or a whirlwind romance or something? Ugh whatever.

Kokichi would normally kick their asses about this, but he’d already anticipated their horrid 2 AM acting skills. The lady taking boarding passes was a plant. Jack had wriggled herself in as a flight attendant three days ago. She was currently taking boarding passes because of an understaffing issue. An issue that may or may not have been of natural causes...

Anyway, she’d get on the flight and smuggle the tea on board. The heist plan didn’t really involve the plane at all, so this was kind of unnecessary, but god would he want that half-way to Paris hot tea party. Besides, he wasn’t really one to leave much to chance when it came to scheming. Although that characteristic was more out of habit than any sort of innate perfectionistic tendencies. He was a king of thinking on the fly, but nowadays he rarely ran amok in that court because he just so happened to also be just as much of a genius at premeditated mischief.

It was a good thing Jack had volunteered herself for the plant job. He’d call her the most competent of DICE at 2 AM if she hadn’t drawn a dick on his boarding pass while checking it.

“Wow, it’s almost like you’ve actually seen one, you virgin loser.” He had told her as he tucked the pass into his hoodie pocket.

She smiled at him like he had complimented her handwriting or something inane like that. “Thanks! I’ve been working on my portraits. My boss is a real inspiration in my art you know…”

“I’d love to meet him someday,” Kokichi replied congenially, “He sounds handsome and brilliant and like he should always be listened to.”

She gave a thoughtful humm, “Actually he’s kind of a prick.” She blew a raspberry at him.

He frowned. “Well that’s rude,” he commented with an offended tone, “And out of character.” He shifted to an angrier persona. "Do you want to ruin everything?" Maybe it wasn’t entirely persona, he was a little tired too after all.

“Relax boss,” Jack said, looking at the screen in front of her with all the boarding information, “It says here you’re the last passenger.”

To be honest Kokichi’s concern-o-meter for this heist was in the negatives. He was pretty much bored by how well thought out this plan was, but he felt like he had to make a point and he was rarely ever honest besides.

Kokichi huffed moodily. “Yeah sure, but what if that detective from the smithsonian, like, stole the security camera footage from this airport or something totally plausible like that.”

He was kind of planning this conversation out a couple steps ahead. He did that sometimes, when he was bored. She’d refute him by calling the detective a goody-two-shoes or something and he’d say something about caution and she’d dismiss him and then something would pop up later where he could say ‘I told you so’ and re-establish his authority. The same happened when Ace wanted to prove how buff he was by lifting the mammoth bones from the Smithsonian. They'd had to stash it insecurely and the police got to it before they could come back for it later. That was a big ‘I told you so’ moment and as a result no one questioned him on his plans for the Louvre this time around.

Weirdly enough, his conversation forecast did not come to pass this time around.

Jack frowned, looking at the screen. “Hey, what was that guy’s name again? The guy from the Smithsonian.”

Kokichi frowned. “What, the mammoth?”

“No, like, the detective.”

Kokichi squinted at her. He was an evil mastermind, he could recall the exact angle of every laser scanner in the Louvre, of course he could remember the name of some guy. Shuichi Saihara. The novice detective whose dumb friend had tripped that allarm the night of the Smithsonian heist. They’d only had three minutes to get out with the picture frames and hide the mammoth because of him. The detective had showed up at a couple heists and had gotten in the paper, but honestly the mammoth thing was a bit of a fluke. They really hadn’t had a lot of time to stash it. Overall not a big deal.

Which was why it was weird that happy-go-lucky Jack of all people was bringing him up.

“What about him?”

“He’s, like, on the flight I think.”

She showed him the screen and sure enough, Shuichi Saihara was sitting in economy class by the emergency exits. Well, it didn’t really say that on the screen, but given his seat number Kokichi could triangulate it from the diagram of the plane he had memorized. Not that he had really needed to that, but… wait… what if he did need to...

A light bulb went on in Kokichi’s head. In cartoons lightbulbs were just a little blink that meant a switch had flipped for a single eureka moment, but for Kokichi it was more like the real life current of electricity as all of the steps of a brand new heist plan tripped over each other to course through his mind. He forgot to be bored for a second as his brain was lit up with a new scheme and all the possible scenarios that could accompany it.

He had been missing this.

Something... unexpected.

Something... exciting.

Something... unnecessarily convoluted!

Jack took one look at his carefully not grinning face and groaned with exasperation. “Awww boss you ain’t changing the plan again are ya? You already wrote us like a 100 page novel about the first one…”

“Eh, fuck that plan.” Kokichi said doing some mental calculations, “Get me ten parachutes and see if Clubs has extra sleeping drugs I want you to put them in the passengers’ drinks. The strong stuff. Direct Queen towards the rooftop diagrams I shoved in his carry on. Tell me when it gets to be around 1:34 AM Paris time.”

She looked at him with annoyance at the sudden deluge of tasks. “Oh yeah, sure thing. And what are you going to do?”

He gave her his biggest, bestest, shit-eating-est grin. “Be myself, of course.”

Then he turned and boarded the plane, imagining and relishing in the weirded out look she was definitely giving him.

When he got to the entryway of the plane from the boarding hallway, he came upon Rook gossiping with one of the flight attendants. Kokichi heard something about a wedding and a honeymoon before Rook spotted him and excused themselves to find their seat.

“Good evening, sir.” The flight attendant said, still clearly coming off of the social high of talking about his personal happiness. Kokichi decided to slam him down from it, hard.

“It will now that I’m finally on the same damn plane as my husband.” He gave his best impression of a disgruntled everyman, which meant it was a great impression because his best was always great.

“R-right.” Ah yes, the security of making someone else feel socially awkward. Kokichi would make a great playground bully, that’s for sure. At least he was self aware. And putting his talents to good use! Bullying pseudo-law-enforcement was 100% valid according to all levels of morality.

As he walked down the aisle he noticed the rest of DICE ahead of him chattering like sparrows as they moved to the back of the plane. Originally they had planned to keep a low profile and have a pre-heist tea party before touching down in Paris, but now…

Kokichi spotted him, sure enough right by the emergency exits. He looked dead tired and about to doze off, so Kokichi took a second to make some quick observations he hadn’t gotten the chance to get on the night of the Smithsonian heist. The guy had this very detective-esque trench coat with lots of pockets, which was a shame because it meant that if Kokichi decided to pickpocket him he’d have trouble figuring out where his wallet was. Something that didn’t really fit Kokichi’s imaginings of a stereotypical detective, however was that the guy was around his own age in the mid twenties and didn’t seem like the grizzled gumshoe type at all. In fact he was kind of anti-grizzled. He had a boring pretty boy face like a model or something and instead of the full beard and square jaw Kokichi had half imagined any time the word “detective” came up in his mind’s eye he had eyeliner accentuating the only hair on his face and a very breakable looking face. Ok that was a very play ground bully thing to think. Except young people weren’t really as fun to bully as old people because they actually might be poor or emotionally insecure or something, which always made Kokichi feel a semblance of an emotion akin to guilt. But this guy was flying to Paris in the summer season and had been in America a couple weeks before, so fuck him basically. Didn’t he have a job or something?

Oh shit the guy was looking at him, how long had he been doing that?

Don't panic, analyze then act.

He seemed freaked. Probably because Kokichi had been staring at him for a couple seconds now.

He put on a menacingly friendly grin and slipped into the seat next to the detective. Not the one in front of him, or one of the ones in his completely empty row, or even the aisle seat, literally the one right next to him. He put his elbow on the armrest the detective had so kindly pulled down for him.

The guy still looked super freaked out, so Kokichi tried to shift his grin to the more congenial side of menacing.

“Hey, aren't you Shuichi Saihara?” He asked, extending his hand. He thought about coming up with a pseudonym but was too busy being delighted by the absolute terror on the detective’s face. “I'm your biiiggest fan.”

The guy shook his hand like it was the lever for his very own personal electric chair. Dramatic much?

It seemed to freak him out so Kokichi decided to run with the ‘biggest fan’ thread, chattering on, “I read aaall about that thing with the hairy elephant and the stupid ugly criminal you've been tracking.”

He would keep talking about the ironic impudence of this imaginary criminal but it really seemed like Saihara was having a dissociative episode while he was talking.

He frowned. That was kind of boring. “Hey are you like deaf or something?” That would be kind of extra boring because then Kokichi would be trying to bully a deaf dude and that would be lame. “Hey. Heyyyy. Earth to Shuichi Saihara.” Maybe he could thread some truth in here. “Geez I didn't expect you to be this boring in person…”

That seemed to get him.

Saihara shook his head like he was getting the dust out and stuttered out an "I-I-I'm sorry, what?"

Well maybe he had the soul of an old man, if not the looks of one, Kokichi thought to himself as he blithered on. “Have you been ignoring me? Not a very nice way to treat your biggest fans." He crossed his arms. "I, like, totally hate when heroes don't live up to your expectations."

Guy still looked half asleep… Maybe a change of scenery was in order…

Kokichi noticed the chatty flight attendant from earlier coming down the aisle. It was time to act on his earlier framework...

He said something like “You can make it up to me,” but honestly even he wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying anymore. That was the only warning he gave before reaching over the detective to break his chair. If he had stopped to think about it, he might have thought it was awkward, but it wasn’t like he had to care about what this guy thought. He was going to leave him on the plane and probably never see him again.

Kokichi held himself back from giggling when the detective toppled over backwards.

“Oh no!” He feigned surprise, “How could this happen?”

"What happens to be the problem here gentlemen?" The flight attendant asked right on cue.

Saihara was looking pretty dubious but also not that talkative so Kokichi thought about the right words to spin this.

Distract. You’re the threat here, Kokichi.

"What's the problem? You're asking me what the problem is?" He shifted his tone to that of a white soccer mom used to getting what she wants. "The problem, good sir, is that this Rusty bucket of bolts you call an airplane just tried to give my husband a concussion! I could sue for this, you know."

The flight attendant broke easy.

"I'm so, so sorry sir." He quibbled. "Here, we'll make it up to you. It's a long flight and we don't have many guests so I can upgrade you both to first class with no additional charge."

Kokichi gave a rather hearty harrumph. Not bad as far as harrumphs go.

"You better. Or my lawyer will be hearing about this."

Hah. If Kokichi tried to talk to a lawyer he’d probably get arrested. Small claims lawyers were like cops but with even less spine and more capitalistic tendencies in his book.

The flight attendant didn’t seem to care about the rot of society, though, and tarried forth to first class. Saihara hadn’t quite caught on yet, so Kokichi grabbed his arm. For some reason he didn’t expect the detective to be so draggable. Detectives just didn’t seem that way. Like they could be dragged, but Saihara seemed too tired and confused to not be dragged. Thrilling! Boring. Okay okay don’t get ahead of the horses here. Horses? Uh.

First class was more Kokichi’s style. He let Saihara shuffle into the window seat so he’d be able to keep a look out for Jack’s signals in the aisle.

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you." The flight attendant said as Kokichi sat down.

Ugh it’s like he actually cared about his job or something. Being in customer service must be insufferable.

Kokichi didn’t actually want to harrass this asshole when there was a perfectly good fake cop right next to him, so he replied with an apologetic smile, “Of course. Ah, I'm so rry for causing so much trouble, it's just the honeymoon you see and everything just has to be perfect, you know?”

"No, it's quite alright, I understand completely." The flight attendant seemed to relax a little, “I went through the same trouble with my husband. Really let me know if I can help you at all.”

Droll. “Thanks sooo much!" he intoned gratefully. He turned to Saihara who still looked like he was in shock. "Wasn't he just the nicest Shuichi?"

Saihara blinked at him. "... If you had enough money to hire a lawyer that could sue an airline so frivolously then you would've already been in first class."

Hey! That sounded like something a detective would say!

"I'm just stingy." Hah. Beat that logic. Nice one Kokichi.

Saihara squinted like he was about to bless Ouma with another brilliant deduction.

"... Did you sit next to me so you could convince that gay flight attendant to put you in first class?"

Wow!!! He was thinking!!! He was totally wrong but at least he was trying.

"I can't believe you figured it out!" Kokichi did his best impression of a widow revealing a dark secret on prime time television. "It's true…Detective Saihara I was lying about being married to you the whole time. I thought you knew..."

"Wha- of course I knew that!" Saihara sputtered.

"Oh! How can you ever forgive me?" The flight attendant was definitely out of range by now so this seemed like a good time for some melodramatic tears. "Waah!"

"H-hey! Stop that." Wow what a bad detective. Is that how you comfort people? Sad.

Kokichi was about to weep even more for the loss of chivalry when the asshole shoved something at him. Was that… a handkerchief? This guy just had a handkerchief? Is that not something that only people in movies do?

Weird.

Kokichi snatched it from him, exclaiming, “"Oh wow! What a gentlemanly thing to do!"

He proceeded to make his most grotesque snot noises imaginable.

“A-are you alright?” The detective stuttered out.

Kokichi pondered a couple iterations of “no, and it’s your fault” before deciding that was boring and saying “Perfectly fine.” He flicked out the handkerchief and held it a bit to make sure Shuichi noticed it was clean before tucking it in his pockets. “Just a liar is all.”

"A-a liar?"

Kokichi frowned at him. "No, where did you hear that?" He made an expression of disgust. “Ick, I hate liars after all.” He put on his manic pixie dream girl sees a light bulb for a first time look. “That's why I'm such a big fan of yours, Shuichi.”

"I-is that so?" Ah, the panic of a person unprepared for social interaction at two am was a sight for sore eyes. “Um.” Or maybe it said nothing of Ouma’s own skill that this guy was an awkward glob. "Y-you seem to know my name, but, uh, what's yours?"

A question! An inquiry! One for which Kokichi had the perfect answer....

"Kaito Momota."

“What.”

Wow! What a flat tone Saihara had! Almost like he didn’t believe him or something absurd like that.

Kokichi waved his hands dismissively. "I know, I know, isn't that the name of your friend who was in the paper? That's why I read it, by the way," he said matter of factly. "Because we have the same name."

Ugh, he was adding too much supporting detail. That’s something bad liars do and he wasn’t a bad liar. He was the best liar. Accept no substitutions. Unless they were really good at lying about being a substitution… then they would probably be the best liar…

Ok whatever ranking of liar he was it was probably good enough to fool-

"... I-is that another lie?"

Ah fuck.

"Neeheehee… ya caught me." Best to bail early on this kind of thing. "If you guess my real name by the end of the flight I'll give you a prize!"

"Like Rumplestiltskin?"

Really? Was his own charade getting that cartoonish already?

“Aww man. You guessed it the first try. That's no fun.” Logically this was boring but he was doing okay as far as airplanes went. "I guess now you'll just have to guess my second, less cool, real name instead."

As great as he was at being evasive in all situations why was the subject not changed by now.

"... Honestly I'd much rather be sleeping through this flight." The detective rubbed his face, and Kokichi noticed the darker shades of his eyelids weren’t all eyeliner. He must have business. Something that was keeping him up at night.

Kokichi determined some short term goals for this conversation. Find out why the detective was going to Paris was primary among them. That information would narrow down his field of options for how to spend the rest of the flight.

Kokichi scoffed. “Why would anyone get on a flight to Paris at 2 AM if they weren't prepared to be up all night?" He shifted back into the fanboy thread, "Oh! Oh! Oh! I bet you've got another case you're hot on the trail of, huh Mr. Detective?”

Saihara seemed to hesitate. “Uh, sort of.”

Kokichi thought he was going to say something more but after a few seconds of silence, it was clear he needed further prompting.

"What kind of answer is that?" His words seemed to surprise the Detective, which was a bit silly considering that they had been having a conversation, where words being exchanged should be the norm. "How can you only sort of be solving a mystery?" Kokichi lied through his teeth. "You know, I just so happen to also be a world class detective."

“Really? Saihara’s skeptical and unassertive response was less of a question in this conversation and more of a way to measure how gullible he was.

"Yes, really!" Kokichi replied, storming ahead, "And as a real life detective I just so happen to know that when you're working a case you work it with 100% of yourself!"

Saihara made this weird, soft sound. It took Kokichi a moment's consideration to realize it was supposed to be a laugh because it sounded not at all like the howling cackles growing up with DICE had familiarized him with.

"I guess you're kind of right about that…” He fidgeted with the edges of his coat. “There's, uh, this case that I've been looking into for a long time now and I guess I have really been putting 100% of myself into it. My friends think I'm going a little crazy…"

Ooh, that was something.

“Your friends? Like that purple haired guy who was in the paper? The one with the dumb name?”

Considering the nitwit Saihara had been romping around the Smithsonian with, the detective must really be off the deep end on this case to be considered looney by his friends.

Kokichi was predicting a silly story that he could use to justify to DICE his choice to sit next to the detective the whole flight beyond satiating this little whim of his for a taste of the unexpected. He imagined them laughing about the detective from the smithsonian who thought the Eiffel tower was a secret spaceship or something as Kokichi explained how he just had to stick around to make fun of him.

Oh shit the detective was saying something.

"-him and one other friend think I'm making this thing about the Louvre up… and maybe I am a little crazy."

… The Louvre, huh?

Kokichi scrutinized the detective. He couldn’t mean… “The Louvre? Like, someone's gonna steal the Mona Lisa?"

"Uh, no." The detective looked away as if mildly embarrassed. "I think, uh, someone's going to take the plumbing from the renovated bathrooms…"

Kokichi’s brain registered two things about Shuichi Saihara at the same time. One: he was a real detective. Not a hopeless buffoon of a gumshoe like the ones you saw in video games about dystopian court systems and gay lawyers. He had made a real life deduction and had done so accurately. He was on a case. The second thing he realised was that Shuichi Saihara was a direct threat to his entire operation.

People usually categorize threats as something to induce fear. Some would describe the fear as “bone chilling.”

When Kokichi registered a threat his toes got cold. Not because he was scared or something dumb like that, but because his blood suddenly had a better place to be.

Kokichi’s brain raced with possibilities, brand new scenarios and personas that he could put on. Like he had been sitting at a boring ass company play only to realize that the curtains were rising to reveal a dramatic opera where he was the star. Ok, Kokichi wasn’t exactly a poet laureate when it came to analogies, but he was excited okay?

Kokichi shuffled the deck of options and picked a card.

"Wow. You must be really smart to have figured that out." Ok, good thought to start with praise. He has a low self esteem. "You know…" Kokichi leaned in. Shuichi leaned away. Good. Make him uncomfortable by getting in his bubble.

Now, just for fun, lie wildly.

"I just so happen to be the leader of a secret organization with about 10,000 members. We rule the world from the shadows. I think we could use a detective like you."

Shuichi obviously didn’t believe him, which was, to his credit, absolutely fair. “That- that has to be a lie. There is no possible way for such an organization to exist.”

Sad detective, falling for the classic hiding in plain sight maneuver. Disguise the truth of DICE in an unbelievable lie and he doesn’t believe any of it.

"And here I was thinking you were particularly clever." And, twist. "Seeing as you've refused to join my organization… it seems I'll have to kill you."

Oh man that really seemed to frazzle the good detective. What, had he never gotten a death threat before? Typical. It would be funny to see his expression if Kokichi were to just stab him right now. Except ew because blood and also ending human life. Yikes. Weird train of thought.

"But I'll let you leave this flight with your life if you can beat me in a game."

That seemed to calm the detective down a bit, like he realized Kokichi was just joking. It’d be funny when Kokichi pulled out the knife later. Ah, ah, ah, no spoilers.

"How about Russian Roulette with a full barrel?"

Shuichi sputtered, "This is a plane, you don't have a gun!"

Kokichi considered the ‘my ruse has been discovered….’ line again before he realized he’d used it like twice now and tossed it aside for: "Oh that's right, left it on my tchotchke shelf, silly me. Well I guess if you just want to beg like a dog and then split your guts open that would be acceptable."

Wow ok a little harsh there. Kokichi’s single brain cell devoted to tact whispered. What? No. No filter. Fuck you brain trying to conform to social conventions, shut the fuck up and stay out of my personality.

"Um, no that would kill me."

"Damn, nothing gets past you… Hmm… Ok, how about…" Kokichi reached into the pocket he usually left his Yu-Gi-Oh deck in. "A shadow game!"

He held up the cards only to realize they were actually just a normal playing deck. Oh yeah, he left his deck at home because he thought Rook might steal his blue eyes while he slept on the plane. Shit. Oh well, playing cards could be fun too.

"It's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-duel!"

Shuichi blinked. "A...duel? Shadow Game...?"

"Hmhmhm... Yes, the loser's soul will get sent to the Shadow Realm…" he shuffled them so that Shuichi and him would draw the same cards, "We each pull one card from this deck, and whoever has the largest number wins!"

Shuichi looked rather befuddled but Kokichi kept going full steam ahead.

This wasn’t really a game of chance anyhow. That wasn’t the point. The game had two motives, the first being to gauge Shuichi’s reactions to different scenarios, the second being to build up Kokichi himself as someone intimidating and mysterious. The card game wasn’t extremely telling, but the ensuing bout of rock paper scissors was.

Kokichi was keeping pretty busy predicting what Shuichi was going to pick next in order to make it a tie, but Shuichi didn’t protest at all to the mindless repetitive game it must have been for him. He was either easily impressed by rock paper scissors or just too awkward to tell Kokichi to fuck off.

Apparently the guy sitting in the row in front of them had no qualms about such things. He hit the back of his seat and grumbled “Oh my God shut up already.”

A bunch of weirdly indignant thoughts ran through Kokichi’s head.

Wow! Rude asshole! Mind your own fucking business! Get some damn headphones!

Shuichi looked like being told he was annoyed by a random asshole was his equivalent of seeing a ghost as he muttered out some inane apology.

Not that he cared about how this guy felt, but him suddenly clamming up just wasn’t very fun at all.

Just when he was making headway too…

… Maybe it was time to get rid of the distractions.

"Gosh Shuichi you really were being just too loud. You're like the loudest person I've ever met."

Shuichi looked at him like he was crazy which Kokichi appreciated for a millisecond before raising his voice to say, “Ugh that game was getting boring though, and no one won so it's probably time for something else.” He leaned over the aisle, noticing that Jack was standing in the aisle at the back of the plane chit chatting with Spades as Queen stole pretzel packets from the snack cart.

"Hey,” he called, “When's drink service?"

The three DICE members under his scrutiny froze like they had been caught doing something they shouldn’t be. They were probably gossiping about him again. Great.

Jack got her bearings fairly quickly, pushing the drink cart up the aisle. "Coming right up~" She trilled cheerfully.

As she passed by to start service at the front of the plane, Kokichi noticed a little green vial tucked into Jack’s sleeve. Most likely the sleep drug Kokichi had requested before he got on the plane. Hmm. He wanted to get rid of the distractions, but he wasn’t exactly sure distractions included Shuichi anymore. The flight was still pretty long and Kokichi knew he’d be bored out of his mind forever if he didn’t get through this whole game gambit with the detective.

Another spur of the moment change of plans was in order and it hit Kokichi with yet another wave of excitement.

"Hey, Shuichi!” He exclaimed, “We should have a tea party!"

Shuichi gave him another look. “A tea party? I don't think they ha-”

Kokichi didn’t have the patience not to speedrun Shuichi’s disbelief.

“Well oooobviously you wouldn't know anything about it.” He interrupted. “I'm the leader of a super secret organization after all, so of course I know about the super secret drink menu available on all air planes.

Shuichi frowned. "But they couldn't bring anything to-”

He stopped listening. Something something blah blah blah doubt doubt doubt.

Kokichi shook his head dismissively, getting ready to set up an I told you so moment.

“Just watch.”

When Jack rolled up with the drink cart she made a hand signal that told Kokichi things were going well on DICE’s end of things. "And what would you fine sirs like to drink?" She asked in a register slightly higher than usual. Jack was being smarter than Kokichi about this and had basically contoured all of her distinctive facial traits away, so Kokichi wouldn’t have to worry about Shuichi tracking her down from this interaction.

"A cup of hot green tea."

Pretty much the only reason he was going along with this impulsive plan of his was that the only person who would get any heat for it if things was south was him. He wouldn’t put DICE’s livelihoods in danger for a whim such as this.

"Sure thing!"

Was this even a whim anymore?

"And what about you?"

Of course it was.

"Shuichi here will have the same thing."

If it wasn’t then it would have to be something else.

And if it were something else, then Kokichi wouldn’t know what it was.

He couldn’t afford to be that stupid.

"Of course.” Jack smiled almost a little too fakely. “Anything added in like sugar or cream?"

She was obviously double checking that Kokichi didn’t want this bastard drugged.

"No, we're both taking it plain today."

"Oh, really? Alright then."

She poured the tea.

“"I hear you two are on a honeymoon? That's so lovely. Can I see the rings?”

Kokichi usually appreciated that Jack was quick to catch on to things, but she was bordering on insubordination at this point.

"You know what I hear?” Time to play real housewives of DICE with this gossip again. “That lonely flight attendants should realize they're sad and nosey losers who should keep their noses out of happy people's business."

Aw shit she was going to think he was flustered and covering up something wasn’t she.

"Teehee~ Yes sir! Enjoy the flight." Yeah she totally was on to him

Wait no because to be on to him she would have to be right and she wasn’t so there.

Oh shit wait Shuichi was still here. Looking extremely awkward and unsure if he was also supposed to start bitching at flight attendants like it was common etiquette or something.

"That was all code you know.” He brushed it off. “Super secret organization stuff. You probably wouldn't understand."

"Uh, yeah." He said, "I probably wouldn't."

Wow this guy was funny. Kokichi was moderately glad he wasn’t in a drug induced coma right now. Moderately glad was pretty good for an airplane vis a vis emotional stability.

"Neeheehee…” He let himself laugh a little. “Drink the tea Shuichi, I've got to pull you into a false sense of security before your final trial."

Shuichi frowned. "I feel like by pointing out that you're trying to lull me into a false sense of security you have essentially not done so."

"See, but because you feel that way it means I have succeeded in lulling you."

Shuichi frowned again, but seemed to see no logic in arguing. He decided to take a sip of his tea instead. Kokichi noticed the asshole in the chair in front of him was asleep. So was the guy in the seat across from his, and the woman in front of that guy was dozing too. Everyone else had a drink and would be soon to follow.

Everyone except for…

“So how do you like the tea, Shuichi?” Ouma asked.

Shuichi was drinking that hot leaf juice like a pro who didn’t even feel the burn. He made a contemplative expression.

“It’s pretty good as far as tea goes.” He shrugged. “I’m more of a coffee guy.”

Kokichi felt a little offended on the behalf of DICE’s custom blend as well as all of the classy tea drinkers in the world. He shook his head

"Fff, what are you, a cop or something? Next you’ll be telling me you like donuts more than cupcakes."

Shuichi made a weird face before looking away.

"Holy shit," Kokichi said. This was the perfect time to both change the subject and do a little investigating of his own. " Are you a cop? Like a really funny undercover cop who decided to pretend to be someone with the exact same job?"

"Uh, no, that's not it."

Was it something about the donuts then or- wait no that was stupid it was obviously the cop thing.

Shuichi was looking out the window now. "I, uh, did used to be a force detective."

"Huh," Kokichi remarked, trying to peek around at Shuichi's face, "Were you fired or something? You must've been pretty bad to get fired from some backwater police station."

"No that's not it." He seemed to be leaning into some sort of memory, "I quit actually…"

Ugh, who gave this fucking loser the right to be interesting. It was totally unfair.

Kokichi kept digging, "Man why wouldn't you want to be a cop. Clearly the most respectable public service someone can provide for their country…" but that was totally a lie. Cops suck.

Shuichi frowned. "I, uh, kind of disagree with that." He was pulling at his fingers like he was trying to stretch them like taffy. "I met a lot of people on the force who really did care about making the community better, but I feel like the existence of law enforcement is really a symptom of larger societal problems, and that the structure of power doesn't work to reduce crime or violence but instead works increase it by giving a group of privileged individuals the power to instill generational trauma in communities."

Uh… huh. Kokichi took a moment to process that because he had never thought about “cops = bad” beyond their innate fuddy duddy inclinations to stop him specifically from doing whatever the hell he wanted. What the fuck? Did this guy actually have, like, opinions??? And legitimate reasons for them??? Who gave him the right??? How could Kokichi hear more of them???

Pff wait he was probably some rich kid who took maybe one social justice class in college and became a stooge of the state anyway. Maybe he was, like, a real policeman's embittered assistant or something.

"That's lame." He lied, "cops are the cops, do you want folks to be murdering people left and right all the time??? I bet you've never even met a criminal." Hehe that one was a bit ironic, he'd laugh about it later.

Shuichi furrowed his brow at him, "Well, I have… I was a homicide detective, actually. I've arrested murderers in person many times..."

What???? Is this what talking to all strangers for extended periods of time was like? You found out they actually had lives? And cool careers? That they made their livings in murder?

Nah, Shuichi was probably an exception. You don't meet an anti cop homicide detective everyday after all…

Kokichi decided he was being too endeared so he planned out a new branch of conversation that would hopefully make Shuichi squeamish, or at least unnerved.

He put on his best enthusiasm face. "Tell me about a murder! Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

Shuichi blinked at him, surprised at his sudden shift in mood. "Uh, alright then…" he said.

Shuichi started to go into detail about a case he had solved his first year on the force. Some guy turned up dead in a public pool and everyone else had basically given up on the case. Shuichi was describing how he figured it out through deductions and use of specific forensic techniques, and to be honest he wasn't exactly a master of suspense. Kokichi was able to deduce the murderer from the details Shuichi chose to include. No, none of that was why he was completely mesmerized with Shuichi while he talked.

Hearing about the things that Shuichi did to get to the evidence in the first place was… impressive???

No that couldn’t be right.

Maybe it was just weird to see a mousey guy like him get as jazzed up as Kokichi about solving murders, and not even in a weird or vaguely creepy way. He just seemed like… Kokichi hadn't thought about it in a long time but when he was a kid he read a shit ton of mystery manga, where the heroes were detectives. He had since then moved on to more sophisticated literature such as airplane diagrams and police radio transcripts, but Shuichi reminded him of those detectives instead of the old fuddy duddies with which he had begun to associate the profession. He was just kind of… cool. Yeah that was the word for it. Cool. Like he was always going to get around to the right answer no matter what. Yeah, he had that abstract "coolness" factor that had drawn Kokichi to protagonists as a kid.

Kokichi wanted to steal it from him. Break his composure, become the center of the stage in this narrative. Yet, at the same time he suddenly dreaded his own inevitable heel turn. This was something rare, he decided, getting to talk one on one with Shuichi like this. It would probably never happen again.

So Kokichi listened. He teased, interjected, and prompted superfluous explanations, but he listened.

And Shuichi talked. He talked about murder most foul, crooked cops, elusive evidence, and the friends he made along the way. Shit straight out of a manga that Kokichi was spending his Saturday morning hyper-fixating on.

The conversation only ended when Shuichi had to get up to use the toilet. A stark reminder that manga wasn’t real and in meatspace human beings had to shit every now and then. Kokichi watched him go and felt a little sad. Like he knew whatever it was worth, the moment had passed. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and now all he had was to dissect it over and over again in his head until it became mangled beyond recognition...

Yeah yeah ok, world's tiniest violin, scattered ashes, ceremonial boat burning, yadda yadda.

Kokichi had a heist to pull off, no time for any of this silly stuff. He dismissed whatever weird feelings were bubbling in his chest and decided to go with the more practical inspiration that struck him. He took a couple seconds to plan out his grand exit. He decided to leave Shuichi a note and justified to himself that heists had been getting boring lately and as a proper game master he should give Shuichi a hint. Hmm were his initials too much? It might seem like…

Well he didn't really know what it seemed like, which was weird because he was a genius. Was he actually trying to figure out how Shuichi would react to this? He hadn't really thought about what Shuichi's opinion of him had been because he had only started thinking of Shuichi as an actual person halfway through the flight. That was the thing about being in a close knit organization, he always thought about DICE as an extension of himself and everyone else as some sort of nebulous other he had to predict the movements of. Sometimes he forgot that if you spent a lot of time talking to some stranger you find out they have brains and lives and stuff.

Speaking of things that probably have brains and lives and stuff, things seemed to be going good with DICE. Jack had signaled him that she told everyone about the plan when she came by to collect trash.

Of course, he and Shuichi were the only ones she took trash from. Everyone else was fast asleep, all according to plan. Kokichi had written some last minute details on a napkin he had put in the trash bag, so they all knew they were dropping soon.

They were also all probably gossiping about him. He supposed that's what he got for ditching them to sit with a detective dressed in black like a sexy motorcycle. Wow that was terrible where did his brain even get that line and how could he use it to make Shuichi freak out. Probably pretty easily...

Except if everything went according to plan maybe he wouldn't have the chance. Not like this. He imagined himself yelling the comment at Shuichi from the safety of a getaway chopper, like in the movies…

Ok his note was basically done now. Oh hmm. This actually seemed kind of desperate, the note. It kind of screamed "track me down to the end of the world please" like some sort of piss baby cry for help.

Aw shit. He was thinking about what Shuichi thought about him again...

Speak of the devil and he shall appear but Kokichi was already here and hadn't talked about himself in a bit, so Shuichi showed up instead. His hands were wet which meant he washed them and goddammit it was insufferable how tolerable this guy was. Did he have no weaknesses besides being generally awkward and also being someone who used to be a cop? Ugh wait the latter was kind of cool too. Insufferable.

Well you know what they say, if you can't beat em plan to jump off an airplane because you did beat them they just don't know it yet.

Kokichi decided their final trial together deserved some dramatic build up, so he bowed to Shuichi as he got up to let him sit back down.

"Welcome, combatants." He illustriated, "Take your seat and prepare for the final trial."

Shuichi gave him a wary look as he slid back into his seat.

"What is it this time?" he asked.

Kokichi considered pulling out the crying on that one, but got too excited about how Shuichi would react to his pulling out the knife instead. Thusly he reprimanded the detective’s lack of enthusiasm with a single tsk.

“You could stand to be a little more concerned mister detective, it’s your life on the line after all.”

Shuichi gave him a dubious look, like he trusted airport security and general societal norms to keep him from being murdered.

Kokichi wanted to tear down the walls of that trust.

He pulled out the knife.

Shuichi’s reaction was instantaneous. He practically jumped away from Kokichi in his seat. Weirdly enough... that just made Kokichi realize they had been sitting pretty close before...

How did that happen?

Eh no time for that.

“Is that a knife?” Shuichi yelped, “How did you get a knife on the plane?”

It was weird how Shuichi stuttered about everything except things that were actually dangerous. Well maybe Kokichi having a knife wasn’t really dangerous, but Shuichi didn’t know that and here he was saying complete words. Sentences and all. And yet it still had the streak of incredulity running through it that shot through to Kokichi’s head faster than his own signature panta-redbull blend.

“Oh, a villain's got his ways.” He said in a way that he thought was pretty cool and mysterious.

Shuichi still seemed to be panicking a bit and Kokichi was getting a little tired of that so he brushed past it.

“Now this game's pretty easy to understand, but you gotta be skilled,” he explained matter of factly, “I'll go first to show you how it's done.”

When some other kids had showed him this game when he was an even tinier bastard they had started off slow and slowly sped up. But he was still kind of leaning into the shock factor, and going slow was lame. He started stabbing the table through his fingers at a breakneck pace.

“H-hey!” Shuichi exclaimed (oh so now he stutters), “You're gonna hurt yourself doing that!”

“Pff, as if I would.”

The thing about this game is that it required rhythm, and rhythm required predictable repetition, and being predictable was the antithesis to everything that brought him joy in life.

He sped up.

“Here it's really easy.”

He went even faster.

The knife went *thuck thuck thuck* as it massacred the table.

When you did something the same way for a long time it gave you time to think about things. It didn’t really give you anything specific to think about, though, so Kokichi always felt like he was wasting time.

The knife went *thkthkthk* between his fingers.

He wanted to consider next steps. How long he would do this for and what would he do if Shuichi lost the game… Instead he started thinking about when he learned the game. He remembered he had picked it up from some of the older kids at one of the homes. The only other thing he remembered about them was one time they had stood by a rose bush with him, tearing off thorns and pushing them into their fingertips. Kokichi had done it and remembered that it didn’t feel like anything at all.

*Schlick*

Your fingers are full of blood vessels and nerves, but if you push down to the cartilage-

Oh wait.

“Agh!” Shuichi exclaimed from beside him, “You’re bleeding!”

Kokichi was bleeding.

He was looking at his hand. His knife had nicked a millimeter of skin on the inner side of his ring finger, just at the junction between the tip of his finger and the second part of the ligament. It occurred to him that he was in pain.

“Ow,” He said on instinct. Or maybe he thought it in his head. It didn’t matter because he was busy also thinking about how Shuichi had just grabbed his wrist and pulled it over to him.

The detective placed Kokichi’s hand in his lap like a sandwich he was saving for later while he ruffled through his coat pockets. He drew out a bandaid and lifted Kokichi’s hand again. His fingers were longer than Kokichi’s, and they felt sort of cold, like his blood had better places to be than his fingertips. They were very, very gentle as they wrapped a bandage around the bleeding finger. Almost like Shuichi cared or something.

The detective’s greyish green eyes flickered up to him and Kokichi realized Shuichi had really long eyelashes. “You really ought to be more careful.” He said in his soft way.

Kokichi was honestly having more emotions than were necessary about this, so he focused on the annoyance.

Man, good at figuring things out, is interesting, has opinions, and actually cares about other people? Was this guy even a real person??? That seemed like too many character traits. Geez Shuichi, why did mom let you have all of the attractive personality qualities?

Did he say attractive? He meant annoying.

Shuichi squinted at him. His eye lashes weren’t that long, he was wearing eyeliner. Kokichi had already noticed that. He just had to start thinking coherent thoughts again.

“What is it? Are you alright?”

Yeah, for sure.

Shuichi was still holding his hand and Kokichi decided it was time to not be touching another person again, so he quickly whipped it away. He tried to settle into a boastful kind of hands behind the head pose, but worried that the effect was lost by the sudden squirming of emotions in his gut.

"Geez," Kokichi said petulantly, "I can't believe you actually beat me."

He stomped everything down. It was time for action not... not whatever this was.

Shuichi blinked at him in confusion. "Beat you? But I didn't even play…"

"Doesn't matter." Kokichi shifted to a new pose where he leaned his arm on the rest in between them and propped his head up, positioned for his next steps. "The rules were if I cut myself I lose, and I lost."

“...Although, it doesn't matter if you join my organization or not anymore, Shuichi."

Shuichi looked at him in confusion and Kokichi found it kind of frustrating that he didn’t know which aspect of this that Shuichi was contemplating.

“Uh, it doesn’t?”

Very eloquent, Shuichi, that clears things up.

"Nope." Kokichi moved a bit so that both elbows rested on the arm rest and propped his head up closer to Shuichi’s. "Because I've already done something much more important than winning."

As Kokichi leaned in Shuichi leaned back. Shuichi was staring pretty intensely at his eyes which made this the perfect opportunity. Kokichi’s hands went lightly down to Shuichi’s waist, where he put the detective’s seat belt into a dreadknot.

“W-what's that?” The detective stammered, no doubt as alarmed by the proximity as Kokichi had anticipated.

Kokichi hadn’t really anticipated what he would say next though.

He went with, “I've stolen your heart.” He felt a millennia of DICE movie nights spent making fun of romantic comedies crash against his soul and decided to change the genre before he embarrassed himself. “Because I'm a thief you know?”

He was practically breathing in Shuichi’s ear by now, which made this next part a little hard. He unbuckled his seatbelt. Then, in a fluid motion Kokichi’s hands went behind his head as he arched to place them on the aisle armrest. He did a handstand for an instant on the arm rest before landing his feet across the aisle on to some poor bastard’s tray table.

When he came up for air he observed that he had knocked a cup over and that Shuichi had just noticed his own seat belt malfunction. The detective’s look of dawning realization felt like a standing ovation.

"Hmmm, I really should kill you, now that you've seen my face," and maybe he would if DICE were that kind of organization. It was kind of troubling that the police would get sketches, and the gang would probably harrang him about it. But eh, what can you do.

Certainly not murder. You can’t just murder people. That’d be dumb. Boring even.

Kokichi hopped down from the tray table and grabbed his heist bag. It would’ve been bad to forget that, he considered as he pulled out his mask, Louvre cameras are a lot more reliable than a half asleep detective’s recount.

Said detective was certainly fully awake now, looking at Kokichi in an utterly gobsmacked manner. Kokichi felt like he was sinking his teeth into the stem of a rose thrown from the audience.

"... But I think that'd be a waste, don't you?" Maybe the trouble was what he was looking for, after all. He wondered if they would fingerprint the arm rests when the plane touched down. They wouldn’t find any matches in any criminal database, so it didn’t matter much to him. He put on his gloves anyway before tossing Shuichi the note he had written.

No time for second drafts. He thought as he started walking down the aisle.

“Somebody! Stop him!” Shuichi yelled from behind him. It was so manga detective that Kokichi wanted to scream.

The rest of DICE was already getting up with their parachutes on, and a few turned towards Shuichi’s call. Thank goodness they were wearing their masks because he wasn’t sure if Shuichi could still see down the aisle or not. He might’ve seen Jack’s face, but she had been wearing a lot of makeup so it was probably fine.

She certainly didn’t seem concerned. She was checking the knots the only actual flight attendant on the plane was trussed up in.

Ace, always a little over eager, wrenched open the emergency exit as Kokichi was still putting his parachute on. He felt the drastic change of air pressure in those spaces you feel it in your skull and stomach. He hadn’t realized how warm the inside of the plane was until the cold air sucked it out.

He used convenient zippers to close up his hoodie pockets, knife included, and buckled up the rest of the parachute’s straps.

He looked back, just once. Shuichi was peering out at him in the aisle. He looked like his world was ending and Kokichi reveled in the power of that. That he was just that important to this detective.

The curtains are about to drop but there are still people screaming in the balconies.

He smiled.

The encore wasn’t up to him.

“So long, Mr. Detective!" He got to the window. "Better luck next time.”

Kokichi jumped back first out of the plane and the walls and the aisles and the lights of the plane slipped out of view through the emergency exit one by one.

And he fell.

He fell and flipped over to take in the view of Paris below. The city of lights indeed. It was beautiful, he supposed.

He fell, letting himself enjoy the breeze a bit before reaching terminal velocity.

He didn't though.

Enjoy it.

It felt like getting on a fucking awesome roller coaster except it’s also your every day ride to your job at some dead end minimum wage desk.

It was… boring. Routine.

Just victory, just the Louvre, just air.

Even as the other members of DICE whooped and hollered on their descent, Kokichi realized the fun part of the heist was already over. The whole heist was over.

He could predict it all.

He would deploy his parachute, he would float down to the Louvre, and he would orchestrate a perfect heist.

But Kokichi Ouma realized then that he would never stopped falling.

#saiouma #oumasai #shuichi saihara #kokichi ouma #fanfiction #Phantom Thief AU #ouff yall im gay and probably have adhd so that's my excuse for going absolutely feral on this #first time writing ouma so hope yall like it #writing

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marriael · 5 years ago

Text

1 Year Blogiversary

So. Hello people. Since 100 followers is still far away for me this was just me taking a chance to appreciate mutual, let me have this.

All of these could be started with we've never talked/we haven't talked much so. Ehe. That one’s on me folks.

This is just a big, dumb, sappy post that I wouldn't recommend reading tbh.

Thank you to everyone who follows me, no matter for how long. It must get exhausting to see my dumb ass so often.

@wydyuto You were my first follower! When you first followed me it gave me so much confidence to keep going and making moodboards. Thank you so much!

@igot7-penta-seo You've been dming me all these posts and I feel bad since I never send anything back. One day I will, I promise! It feels so long ago but I just remember reading all your pentagon stuff when I was getting into them and loving your writing and them even more.

@mrchoiholic Alright since I’m dumb and don’t know when we became mutuals I’m putting you here. I remember my first interaction with you (technically) was I requested a Hoshi fic and then reblogged it because the title was incredible. Then I was Tea anon for a while, which was a good time. You’ve always given me caring older sister vibes even if you’re my ‘mom’.

@cxvert-edits Oh my goodness hello! So I deleted my insta app. Since you’re mostly on there and I’m mostly on here we don’t really see each other much :(.It took me far too long to realize but I kind of sounded like an ass in our my last dm’s on here so. Very sorry about that, I didn’t really realize how my words sounded at the time. Honestly you were among my first inspirations for moodboards.

@ladyluck852 Hey bub! I haven’t seen you around much but I hope you’re doing well. You’ve seen a lot of my blog and I hope you’re here for a lot longer.

@mixtapejoon It seems like you started @/chulobangtan again so I think you’ll see this. I love reading all your stuff and since it seems like you enjoy writing so much I really hope you get the chance to again. With all the crap that went on with that guy and your school I hope you’re doing better now.

@peachy-bangchan I feel like I don't talk to or about you enough which is an issue I must remedy immediately. I didn't know how popular you were when you followed me so I didn't properly lose my shit. You've really been here for a long time and never once have you stopped supporting me. Thank you, I appreciate that more than I could ever put into words.

@luvhannie Moodboard queen Anna! You’ve given me so much inspiration for moodboards. Motivation, too. I remember when you said you liked my moodboard, I felt amazing for like a week.

@queerjunhui I just remember being so intimidated by you (still am lol) because you were friends with so many cool people. I think I sent you an anon once as Emotional anon? Maybe that was a dream or something. I started a conversation with you once and I’m pretty sure that was before we became mutuals, interesting.

@middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich Your URL will always be a mood lol. A lot of your more recent stuff has been Monsta X and non-kpop related but you still follow all my weird bullshit.

@stray-kids-stuff My first official stay mutual! You’re such a darling and I’m glad I found your blog and that discord. I hope you’re doing at least a little better now.

@han-jxsungs I clowned myself as ao3 anon that was fun lmao. OMG I just looked and ROSE HELLO MY DARLING ANGEL. If you didn’t get my last ask, just now it was super sappy and gross. I’m glad you’re back but if it gets too much again, don’t hesitate to leave.

@gryffindor925 lmao hey Aaykta what’s up. I don’t think you use tumblr because wow you must be tired of all this kpop shit. I forget you follow me most of the time. If you ever thought I was curbing my tags to seem less weird at some point it was because I see her in real life and thought that me freaking out about this stuff was super weird. I actually had a dream last night I found your secret kpop blog.

@finn-shitposts I honestly didn’t connect this blog and your art one until after you were revealed because I’m dumb. You seriously made the most amazing thing. Pun + Jilix, gah that was seriously amazing, and when I think about it I smile.

@pikachulein Even though I had several very popular blogs follow me before you were the first one I seriously like, panicked about. I have an official offer for you. Feel free to decline because time zones are crap but french learning buddies?

@ult-bee So we met in a discord server but I feel like I left it? I honestly couldn’t tell you what server it was though. Sorry, boo. Love you though <3

@dreamsevens You made the cutest Junhao drawing ever. You were such a sweet lil anonnie, too. We haven’t really interacted but I see you, boo.

@jihan You’re both such lil sweeties! Honestly just a wholesome jihan blog, would recommend. Loved being an anon even if it was just a little while.

@nerdynerdynerdy Iyoniiiiiiiii! You’re just the sweetest lil babe and I feel like I need to protect you.

@visualgiggles I don’t know how I didn’t see you before we were platonically shipped, but I didn’t. I’m really glad that happened though, and that I had my brief anon stint.

@3rachad Clowned the hell out of myself and revealed as CB anon (who I still am because I’m cowardly and dumb). Love the new hair cut bb.

@0hyja Ya seem super cool but also. You called Park Jisung rat boy and I don't know if I can truly forgive you for that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ jkjkjk. I just feel like you don’t like me. One day I’ll get over that and send some asks or something.

@nanjaemin I always forget you’re younger than me because you talk exactly the same as the other people on here. You baby. Love you darling, don’t let those give you shit.

@ethereal-lix I so often go to send you ask games and then forget entirely. I will make a better effort to interact with you!

@soulclub My first aroha mutual! I really like seeing all your edits and thank you for co-creating the idea of Aroha Village! I’m trying to write a kind of tour thing for it but it’s not great so. This is embarrassing but you and Bex kind of meld together. I don’t know what it is but the best reason I have is my terrible memory.

@cherry-seungmin My stay host(?)! Wow going to your blog is such an explosion of happiness and Seungmin I love that. It felt like ages ago we were freaking out about Miroh teasers but it was actually March.

@ultkyu You were my lil stay anon! I feel bad that I haven’t made anything for 99kdh. It might take me a little longer yet but I will do it.

@uwujpgs Heeeeeey Bex. I don’t really know what to say :(. Actually. This is embarrassing but sometimes you and Rae just meld together. I don’t know why and then when I get you mixed up I feel bad. But yeah. Stay safe and know I’m figuratively sending you nice candles.

@jinniesmeow I’ll be honest I thought you didn’t like me at first. It sounds dumb but after I joined skzrequests you didn’t follow me so I was just like ‘:} ok.’ I want to honestly apologize because I was kind of ignoring you in the kakao chat. I don't have a reason/excuse for that. An official question for you as well. Feel free to decline because time zones suck but be my unofficial french teacher?

@staytion-nine Pitchfork anon! I have no idea where the anon name came from. I was pretty surprised when I saw the post about you getting a tumblr. Overall you’re just a little dol and I hope to know you better.

@kimwoojin-s I thought I was going to cry when you followed me istg. I’ll talk in the TGS chat. One day, eventually. Take care of yourself and try not to burn out lovely.

@bbywooyoungie We have interacted exactly 0 times (i’ll send an ask soon, promise). Scrolling down your blog I now notice we have mutual mutuals. I don’t understand how I didn’t see that before, but ok brain sure.

@re-biirthday Anyone who organizes an anon event is automatically a sweetheart in my book, so there you are. I really liked that sketch you posted today and I hope you’re doing well sweets.

@xiaocity I saw you in others ask boxes for a loooooooong time but only followed you recently for some reason. Yeah, you just seem super dope and I’m glad we have something in common. Even if it is finding our bias intimidating lol.

@luvjisungs I’ve only seen you around recently but you are an absolute darling. Thank you so much for helping me out that night, I really needed it.

#i feel bad that a lot of these are so short #i just wanted to include everyone #ugh i reread some of these and they're disjointed as fuck #but idk how to fix them #i'm sososososo afraid i messed up somebody's name or something #uuuuuuuuuuuugh posting and then closing tumblr and running away looool #mutuals 🌠

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carnivalsoration · 6 years ago

Text

Cronus Gets Tortured, and then Learns Some Stuff about Boundaries and Identity

I’m going to start all this off with an ooc description of things, because this gets pretty intense in bits. A tldr with added trigger warning, if you will.

Ringleader messages Cronus about being an insensitive prick regarding the ‘gutterblood rights’ post, then the conversation moves on to lusus death (a la, what was going on with Meulin at the time, though she’s not mentioned directly at all), how wasteful Alternia is, and then on to torture. During that talk, there’s a lot of mentions of parent/animal death, then referring to people as objects that can be disposed of, in an abstract sense, and then obviously, Harming and Killing people, for Fun and Dubious Amounts of Profit.

Ringleader convinces Cronus it would be no big deal to torture him for a bit, and doesn’t take no for an answer. (Manipulation, coercing, lack of respect for boundaries.) And then they meet up! Cronus is waterboarded, Ringleader is way lighter about it than he really should be, primarily in the confession he forces Cronus to make, and then they make out! Weird, but these two are who they are.

Cronus presses more, hoping for sex to happen. Ringleader says no. Cronus says ‘but whyyyy’ and Ringleader gets pissed about it. A conversation about consent and rape occurs, that leads into highblood standards, respect, and who Cronus wants to be and what he values.

This is a Very dense log, y'all, with a lotta intense stuff. Two kinda shitty people meeting, and one of them trying to make the other Less shitty, with some admittedly poor judgement. Overall, a Dubiously happy, or at least thought provoking, ending.

Anyway! If that sounds like you would enjoy reading it, read on! If not, you now know a general plot synopsis and can avoid reading it while still knowing all relevant details! If the chat log appeals to you but the roleplay itself doesn’t, you can read that too!

carnivalsoration honk

vwarlordvwanderlust hey there, babe!

carnivalsoration :o)

vwarlordvwanderlust vwhat's up?

carnivalsoration i will make out with you if you promise not to reblog that gutterblood pride post again.

vwarlordvwanderlust see, THIS is a bold and innovwativwe method more people should try.

carnivalsoration hahahahaha is that a yes

vwarlordvwanderlust you also could'vwe just asked. but too late, no take backs. hell yeah.

carnivalsoration hahahahahahahaha

vwarlordvwanderlust (also that's a joke. there are take backs. it's all just jokes. )

carnivalsoration good boy, thats a good ad on

vwarlordvwanderlust haha. i do my best.

carnivalsoration :o) i could explain why i don't want you to say it, if ya wanna hear it or you could guess, since i'm kinda curious

vwarlordvwanderlust i just figured it vwas annoying. you specified that particular post, and not the vword, is it the vword.

carnivalsoration it's the word and the implication it's. it's just the whole thing, brother the whole damn thing

vwarlordvwanderlust yeah? vwhat implication?

carnivalsoration for you this is an inconvenience for a bit. for other people, this is their life. you don't earn the right ta use that word by your glorified lowblood tourism

vwarlordvwanderlust huh.

> So he's not *that* Alternian. 🤔

carnivalsoration > Ooo motherfucker.

do ya get what i mean? you can't have pride about somethin that you're not even really a part of.

vwarlordvwanderlust it vwas a joke. but yeah for sure, OBVWIOUSLY.

carnivalsoration and what about it is funny? like, can you just explain it to me?

vwarlordvwanderlust it's okay to not get jokes.

carnivalsoration no, i wanna get it.

vwarlordvwanderlust it's just a dumb lowvblood thing people say, you knowv, that i'm saying, because i'm kinda a lowvblood, for nowv.

carnivalsoration huh. and that's... funny?

vwarlordvwanderlust > This is the worst thing that's ever happened.

i mean. it's just one of those things.

carnivalsoration aight.

vwarlordvwanderlust look they can't all be vwinners!!!!!!!!

carnivalsoration you reblogged it though, you thought it was pretty good

vwarlordvwanderlust vwe all havwe different tastes. anyvways.

carnivalsoration yeah. what would you do if ya lusus died?

vwarlordvwanderlust > Weird foreplay but okay. > Clowns.

be sad.

did you vwant a longer ansvwer, or did you just leavwe.

carnivalsoration oh, oops. i got distracted. but like. how much would it change your life

vwarlordvwanderlust a lot. but i mean. i'll need to leavwe him anyvways.

carnivalsoration fun fact. i killed my lusus

vwarlordvwanderlust oh. vwhy?

carnivalsoration cuz that was the tradition at the time. indigos wouldn't get orphaned before adulthood on the condition that when they became a subjug, they'd kill their lusus themselves. and so that's what happened. i hella slaughtered him. it was a mess hahaha

vwarlordvwanderlust haha. yeah.

carnivalsoration i'm just talkin at this point

vwarlordvwanderlust vwhy? i mean don't get me vwrong. i lovwe our talks.

carnivalsoration i just ponder things sometimes. i'm old, i got a lotta memories to peruse what's your alternia like?

vwarlordvwanderlust big question, chief. dunno howv to ansvwer that.

carnivalsoration how often do people murder their lusus

vwarlordvwanderlust i don't knowv. probably not a ton. seems like a vwaste.

carnivalsoration hahaha remember what i said the other night? alternia likes nothin quite so much as waste

vwarlordvwanderlust alternia is cutthroat and efficient. may not alvways be pretty, but hey. it gets the job done.

carnivalsoration hahahaha. wrong. healthcare that involves replacing limbs instead of mending. killin people for any old thing and raisin all new people, like i said. you coulda imprisoned them and got free labor. killin reproductive failures. because you can still make THEM work. that ain't efficiency.

vwarlordvwanderlust that's efficient! you don't need to deal vwith upkeep if you toss a thing in the garbage vwhen it breaks, same vwith people. mm.

carnivalsoration efficiency is using a tool as long as it's useful. killin other planets rather than enslaving them. using lowbloods as fodder in just the stupidest ways. you could have them maneuver big heavy things or control animals at the front line or whatever. also. mechanical limbs cost a lot in upkeep too, just as a bonus destroying rather than fixing is just a thing. it's all brute force casual sadism, gloating over enemies rather than just offin em. imagine all the hot babes that were offed cuz they broke an ankle. or cuz they were kinda stupid once or they puked killin somethin the first time, which is another way alternia wastes life. beaurocracy is a HUGE waste of time plus it makes ya wanna beat your brains out with the stack of paperwork ya have to do land and sea trolls in competition, which wastes highblood life on dumbass feuds underfeedin slaves and workin them to death way before their natural lifespan. food ain't that expensive

vwarlordvwanderlust evwery system has SOME flawvs.

carnivalsoration yeah, but alternia's is that it just loves waste it fuckin can't get enough of it fuck, i tortured and killed thousands of people when i coulda tortured them and then put them to work .... probably hundreds of thousands.... i wonder if i broke a million

vwarlordvwanderlust vwell. i assumed that vwas, you knowv. pleasure, not business. but vwe all havwe flavws.

carnivalsoration oh, it's both. the fact i did it for fun doesn't change the fact i was definitely expected to do it

vwarlordvwanderlust vwell the system gets stuff done.

carnivalsoration oh, the number of troll screams i heard... the number of crimes confessed.... so many confessed to crimes that we found out they didn't even commit! just to make the agony stop

vwarlordvwanderlust the probability of false confessions is actually ovwerplayed by certain rebellious type groups, it's still mostly good intel.

> You should know, you consume imperial propaganda religiously!

carnivalsoration .... i .......... i tortured them myself all the time three a night, at least for centuries there is a LOT of false confessions a LOT of time wasted researching the falsities

vwarlordvwanderlust is it most of them?

carnivalsoration oh yeah. like 70% of the info you get from any one person is likely to be false. sometimes more, sometimes less, and about 90% of the time, the truths they do tell aren't worth your time to even pursue

vwarlordvwanderlust so vwe need to be more selectivwe in vwho vwe torture and vwhat vwe ask.

> Bold of you to say we, there.

carnivalsoration i'm kinda curious where you got the info about how false confessions are overplayed OH SHIT. I SHOULD HELP YOU GET USED TO TORTURE SOUNDS

vwarlordvwanderlust okay the tone of those tvwo messages is vwildly different.

carnivalsoration i just get excited sometimes

vwarlordvwanderlust it's pretty common knowvledge used to counter rebel propaganda. the real number is like 1%. ...here, i mean. i'm not accusing you of lying. hey, maybe our timelines are different.

carnivalsoration hey, if you're so sure, i bet i could do non-destructive torture on you and get you to confess to something that isn't true.

vwarlordvwanderlust that sounds bad and not fun!

carnivalsoration one hour. it isn't even that long. plus imagine how impressed people would be to know you can withstand torture

vwarlordvwanderlust > You start typing: "okay this is vwhy evweryone assumed you're a serial k" > Hm. That last one is a good message, though.

you don't think i can.

carnivalsoration i don't think you can

vwarlordvwanderlust you're the expert, i guess.

> God it would be so fucking impressive though.

carnivalsoration but i don't know for sure, since timeline differences. i don't wanna spread false information, specially if it helps rebels

vwarlordvwanderlust > GOD THAT'S SUCH A GOOD POINT.

okay but it's gotta vwait six nights.

carnivalsoration how come?

vwarlordvwanderlust not because i'm putting it off or anything, because i'm in a rustie body.

carnivalsoration why does that matter? the people most frequently tortured are lowbloods and i did say i wouldn't damage you. no knives, no electricity, nothin

vwarlordvwanderlust huh. yeah, i guess so. vwhat'll you do?

carnivalsoration waterboard

vwarlordvwanderlust so not to be ovwerly critical but like.

are you going to cause BRAIN DAMAGE. this seems vwild.

carnivalsoration i'm an expert, would i cause brain damage in one of my friends just for kicks? look up how long the average rustblood can hold their breath. gimme that long. not even an hour, just a little bit

vwarlordvwanderlust one to tvwo minutes... vwe'll say tvwo. or three or vwhatevwer idc. you think this is THAT bad???

carnivalsoration yeah

vwarlordvwanderlust > If this guy ends up torturing you to death, even the like one person who'd care, wouldn't care after reading this conversation. This would be a dumb fucking decision. This is so stupid, you'd absolutely regret this, there's only one answer you could plausibly give.

yeah, okay.

carnivalsoration aight. i'll give ya new coordinates

vwarlordvwanderlust not gonna be a cool outdoorsy forest vwibe for this torture sesh? hahaha

carnivalsoration we could move it to inside in my block and then make out

vwarlordvwanderlust nice!

carnivalsoration right?? you get tortured, come out fine, and then get to make out. what a fuckin nice night, right?

vwarlordvwanderlust okay it's not the night you think vwill happen though. you're just humoring me. but you're vwrong, so

carnivalsoration i'll make out with you either way

vwarlordvwanderlust it vwon't come up, haha.

carnivalsoration :o* [coords.txt]

vwarlordvwanderlust > Swoon.

😘❗

vwait.

carnivalsoration :o?

vwarlordvwanderlust okay no this isn't me pussying out i promise it's just. my transportalizer pass is for like. me. so is my id. saness and mituna and people just like. got here, though.

carnivalsoration mmmm. aight, what's ya coords? also tell me where a big bathtub is

vwarlordvwanderlust okay, sorry to be all annoying. oh uh. okay yeah.

carnivalsoration chill out, i ain't fussed

vwarlordvwanderlust > This is rough, on account of, you know. Being kicked out of your hive. But it's probably best not to do it there anyways, so off you go, trespassing on abandoned properties to scope out the bathrooms. Eventually you find something good enough, fairly recently vacated, and send coordinates.

> This is going to be cool.

carnivalsoration > Fucking Arrive! You are trying not to be too excited about being able to torture someone, but you're still pretty hype. You have all the things you'll need. Plenty of water to waste, a cloth to wrap around his face, your recording app open on your phone to record when he isn't looking.

vwarlordvwanderlust > You're only about as nervous as you were before you went hunting (and that turned out so great).

> You grin and wave. This time, you lack any purple in your outfit, and your eyes are red, and you don't have fins, but you look basically the same.

"Hey there, doll. Howv's it going?"

> It's not stalling if it's just a little bit.

carnivalsoration "Pretty damn good so far. You aight gettin your clothes wet, or should we take em off?" You raise eyebrows at him a few times. Waggle.

> Don't be too eager, Makara.

vwarlordvwanderlust > You pull on your shirt, thinking about no just kidding it's always good to take off your shirt. You're vulnerable enough without taking off your pants, though.

"This alright vwith you, doll?"

> You can eyebrow waggle with the best of them. Hitting on people is good.

carnivalsoration > Touch a tit. "Nice." Hitting on people Is good.

> You pull out a scrap of fabric and smile. "Lemme blindfold ya, brother." You're thinking about things that are ridiculous enough that it'll make it funny to confess to but that he won't be offended about later.

vwarlordvwanderlust > Nice.

> See, the thing is that this is such a good and valid sexy scenario if you forget about the torture that's definitely going to happen.

"Sure, yeah."

> You cooperate with a nervous laugh.

carnivalsoration > Blindfold: On. You make sure to adjust it just right, so he can't see you. "I'm going to lead you to the tub now," you say, softly.

> And you do, gently, and telling him to mind the ledge. All you really need is a drain. And water, of course. But you've got that.

vwarlordvwanderlust "Gotcha."

> It's surprisingly disorienting, being led around a fairly unfamiliar environment blindfolded, even for such a short distance. You're already feeling a little nervous about this.

> Maybe the professional torture guy who got people to say stuff that went against their own interests knows what he's talking about with regards to torture?

> But maybe you're just an unstoppable badass. Probably that second one.

carnivalsoration > You lead him in and direct him to lay down. You're very calm and reassuring.

> And then you try to place your camera on a ledge so it peers down at Cronus, get in the tub on top of him to pin him down. You'll try to grab his wrists, place them above his head, grab them with one hand. And one of his horns too. You'll narrate your actions the whole time.

> Damn, indigos are strong when you're a rustblood, him actually resisting you is a bit like him resisting really fleshy iron.

vwarlordvwanderlust > You cooperate, maybe metaphorically dragging your heels a bit, but, oh, no you aren't, fuck this dude is strong.

> FUCK this would be hot if it wasn't for this.

> You're a little wiggly, but not like you're necessarily trying to get away (not that you could), more like you keep wanting to look around.

> It's a lot harder to keep your face casual without the reminder of eye contact, for some reason.

> It's just a couple of minutes, though! It's fine! You Have Never Been Calmer.

> (It'd be really funny if your light hyperventilating made you pass out before he did anything. Funny for some people, at least.)

carnivalsoration > Oh how fucking precious that is. He's so cute, and he doesn't even verbally object. Plausible deniability!

> You grin a little bit where he can't see. "Your three minutes starts now."

> You pull out a gallon jug of water from your dex and start pouring it over his nose and mouth. It looks so ridiculous for being as effective as it is, considering it quickly starts to feel like he's barely keeping his head above water.

"Cronus, did you make me a cookie?" You ask down sternly at him. Not loud, not aggressive per se, but definitely authoritarian.

vwarlordvwanderlust > Blblbr?!?

> Okay this is bad actually.

> You thrash a little, reflexively, but don't get far. You try to shake your head but, uh, can't.

"No--?"

> Boy the water sure just keeps happening. It's a good thing your body inherited reflexes to not breathe water, or this would have been over very fast, since you'd already be coughing it up onto the floor.

> This is a really bad thing but it's not for very long. It's fine!

> The nice thing about being tortured is you're too distracted to worry about keeping a straight face.

> The bad thing about being tortured is all the other stuff. :(

carnivalsoration > Oh, hey, he didn't immediately submit. That's fine. Patience is all you need. The water keeps up in a steady stream. "You did, didn't you. Don't lie to me, you did make me a cookie. Didn't you?!"

> A forceful tone of voice and persistence is all you need. Soon he'll be too disoriented to do much more than choke and agree with you.

vwarlordvwanderlust ==> Cronus: choke and agree with him.

> This was a terrible idea!

> (Wow, Cronus, if only there was any way of knowing that.)

> Your panicked failing gets a little more forceful, but not any more effective.

"Stop, yes--"

> You're dying, he's killing you, you're going to drown here and nobody will ever know what happened.

carnivalsoration "And just what happened to that cookie, Cronus?" You accuse. "Did you fucking eated it??" Oh messiahs bless, saying that with a straight face is so funny. So hard.

"Don't you dare fucking lie, did you Eated my Cookie?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > You already said yes! You really will definitely die at his hands. AaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

"Yes, I did, stop,"

> Your lungs don't feel right, but you don't know if there's actually water in there or if you're just freaking the fuck out without haviing gills, so it feels different.

> Glub glub,

> When you get back in your right mind, you'll be mad. This is the dumbest thing imaginable

carnivalsoration > Okay, now to get to the aftercare portion so no one thinks you're evil or whatever.

> You stop pouring water, captchalogue the jug, and get out of the tub. Then you help him sit up, lean forward. "Alright, now. Cough. Get it all outta ya."

> ..... Grab your phone. Fuck you hope that recorded the right angle.

vwarlordvwanderlust > Water, water everywhere, the last thing you're ever going to feel is water-- no water.

> You're shivering, and coughing weird-- you don't know enough about this to know if it's normal for torture weird, though.

> When he gets you into a better position, you cough up a little more water than might be expected for someone else who this happened to. Probably you just tried to breathe a little more than most people.

> When you're a little less full of water, you go for the blindfold, if he hasn't taken care of it already. Seeing is good.

carnivalsoration > Oh shit blindfold, better hide the phone! Captchaloguing is so convenient for slight of hand stuff.

> you help him with the blindfold, very helpfully, with no ulterior motives whatsoever, and then give him a little pat on the back.

"You did pretty well! Didn't beg, don't think you cried. Still definitely confessed though."

vwarlordvwanderlust > You're tearing up a little bit now, but it's probably just the coughing, because you don't feel anything about this. It's basically no big deal.

> You glare at him, looking about as threatening as a half drowned kitten.

"You tried to kill me!"

> You sound vaguely hysterical.

carnivalsoration "Nope, you weren't even close to death. If i had tried to kill you, i got a billion other different ways to do it and there'd be no try about it."

> Pat him a little more. Its okay dear Cronus, it's all okay.

vwarlordvwanderlust > Rub at your eyes with one hand and try to take deep breaths, the way you were taught to instruct a charge to do if they flipped out.

> If you actually thought it was an attempt on your life, you'd be running, for all the good it'd do you. You still think it got closer than he's saying, but.

"I'vwe gotta stop givwing myself chances to look like an idiot in front of you."

> You sound calmer, but not, you know. Calm.

carnivalsoration > You laugh a bit, waggle your brows. "I like idiots, if that helps." It probably won't. "Anyway, my respect for people ain't based on the sorta thing that you seem so down on yourself about, so you're basically in the clear on that front."

> Not on several other things, but what can ya do. If you're ringleader, try to be nice anyway.

vwarlordvwanderlust > 'You didn't look like an idiot, Cronus', would have been the correct response, but he tried.

> Hhhhhhh.

> You haul yourself shakily out of the tub.

"Thanks, babe. Good looking out. Excellent. Appreciate it."

> You look at your hands, remembering the ineffectual struggling, and shiver. But in like, a cool and nonchalant way, totally.

"Man. Rusties are, uh. Vweak, huh?"

> Not that you could necessarily beat twelve feet of clown in an arm wrestling match normally, but still.

carnivalsoration > Oh good, he actually got that little bit of empathy you tried to make happen. Yes, he is weak as a rusty, and that's how they feel all the time!

"Yeah. Bones are more fragile too. Pretty nuts, ain't it? I barely even felt you struggling."

> How much can you hammer things home before you make it obvious? .... Let's give it a try.

"Browns and yellows ain't much better, ya know. They kinda have to do whatever we want em to, one on one, unless they got real good psionic control." Which means Mituna can't easily say no to what you do, Fuckwit. .... If only you could say those words out loud. Can't seem too sympathetic, though, you're supposed to be a mean Alternian who is being nice to him for some reason.

> Plus or minus some waterboarding.

vwarlordvwanderlust "Haha, better to be on the other side of that one, I'vwe gotta say."

> Lowbloods are weak and it's funny. Not that you sound all that amused right this particular instant, but you'll be back to normal soon enough.

"Not an especially controvwersial opinion, I knowv. Anyvways! That's good, I guess. Makes things easier to handle."

> Now you're into the fucking with your hair stage of emotional recovery, because it definitely got all messed up.

carnivalsoration > Hahaha yeah, better to be a coolblood, outnumbered a hundred to one. That's a good side to be on. Ha. Ha. Ha.

> You watch him fix his hair for several moments before you proceed to just. Fuck it up again. Ruffle ruffle ruffle.

"I won the bet. What do i get as a prize?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > Pout at him.

"C'mon, boss, vwhy you gotta be like that?"

> It's pretty fucking wild how this guy actually literally tortured you, admittedly at your request, but you're so willing to be his friend.

> You smile tentatively at the question, a far cry from your typical cocky smirk.

"I dunno, big guy. Vwhat do you vwant?"

> It COULD not be a come on, except that you kinda. Lick your lips and waggle your eyebrows. Just a little. A smidge. It's probably really casual.

carnivalsoration > You like teasing him, and you laugh when he pouts. "Ain't my fault you look cute with mussed hair."

> And then he licks his lips and waggles his brows in a way that reminds you of yourself, except that you like to go overboard with it like it's a joke so that people can brush it off without the whole thing being hella awkward.

> You chuckle a little more, tap his nose. "I'll save my spoils for another time, hmm? In the meantime, though."

> Bend over, pick him up by the ass, and just give him a big ol kiss on his lips.

vwarlordvwanderlust "Yeah, you really think it looks alright?"

> Preen. You're incredibly fucking vain, which is pretty obvious considering your everything about you, and you appreciate being called cute. Even if tough would be preferable.

> OH THIS IS A VERY GOOD THING!

> Kiss back with just a little more enthusiasm than technique, though it isn't like you're terrible. This is a good night. You should probably put your shirt back on eventually, but it's not a particularly high priority at the moment.

carnivalsoration > Oh, boi, you're always the teacher and the experienced one. Otherwise you might be annoyed to be in such a position yet again.

> .... Grope his ass, tho, check if its doin alright, and see how quick he is to learn how to make out good.

vwarlordvwanderlust > You relax into it before too long, less tongue aggression can only improve things.

> You're basically only alright.

> You nip at his lips with lowblood-dull teeth, and grin when he gropes you. You don't want to take your arms away from their position over his shoulders, or you'd return the favor.

> Nothing bad has ever happened to you and everything is great.

carnivalsoration > Oh, teeth always get a good reaction out of you, inexperienced or no. Son of a bitch, you didn't want him to actually have Power over you.

> .... Whatever.

> How long can you keep him entertained with just. A lot of making out.

vwarlordvwanderlust > :D

> Cronus Will Remember That.

> Who doesn't like teeth, though, really.

> Oh, so fucking long. For all that you claimed to be all about the orgasms earlier, you sure are happy to keep doing this!

carnivalsoration > You'll keep going for at least like five minutes. He's getting so into it, you half expect to feel something wiggling against your chest.

vwarlordvwanderlust > YOU'RE getting a little squirmy, but at least you're not an adolescent anymore, so nothing's happening downstairs. That he can feel, at least.

> ... This is really good but like. Maybe. You don't need both hands to hold yourself up.

> You try and reach for his crotch, but don't stop making out.

carnivalsoration > Your eyebrows actually raise at his bold move, and you pull away a couple so you can look at him. And look down at the reaching hand.

> Your bulge is Definitely not out.

"Lookin ta escalate, brother?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > You didn't think it would be, neither is yours, but this is how you get stuff to happen! You do it!

> You stare blankly at him.

"No, vwhy do you ask?"

> You may make some questionable "jokes" about lowbloods, but your deadpan delivery is pretty good.

carnivalsoration "Cuz I'm not!" You say, with a smile and a single fingergun.

> For quite a few reasons. One of which is that you're not really In The Mood. Another, you have to ask Saness for permission.

> But, most importantly, you want to hold that particular bit of encouragement for later.

vwarlordvwanderlust > ?????????????????????????

> You look a little crestfallen, but mostly baffled.

> Maybe being tortured and then crying about it and coughing up water at someone isn't overwhelmingly sexy.

> No, that's probably not it.

> You roll your eyes, but withdraw your hand, and prepare to go back to making out.

carnivalsoration > That's fine. You are gonna just make out a while and think ya thoughts.

> How long can he even go at this before he gets bored...

vwarlordvwanderlust > Not THAT long, as it turns out. A couple minutes later, you pull back.

"Okay but are you sure?"

carnivalsoration > Bitch.

"Would I say it if I wasn't sure?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "Maybe?"

> Your wide eyed innocent look isn't nearly as cute as you'd like to think, especially when it's about wanting to get in someone's pants.

"I'm just making sure, you knowv, people can change their minds, and that's okay if you ask me."

carnivalsoration "If I want to fuck you, you'll know. Because I will tell you, and then I will do it."

> Your voice isn't so friendly now.

vwarlordvwanderlust > Jeez, some people are so touchy. You'd raise your hands in surrender, but you're still a little worried that he'll drop you.

"Yeah, got it, good to knowv! It's good to be clear on stuff."

> ...Hm. Are makeouts even really the mood anymore? Why do actions have consequences???

carnivalsoration > You sigh, roll your eyes. "If you say no, what the fuck do you expect people to do? Ask you again, just to make sure?"

> Time to put the boi down. Things aren't that fun and he ruined it by being a shitheel.

vwarlordvwanderlust > :(

> This sucks.

> You pout, and the whine in your voice is definitely really cool and adult.

"I mean, I vwouldn't expect it, necessarily, but I vwouldn't make it a big deal..."

carnivalsoration > How fiercely do you have to glare to give him the full picture of the disdain you have for that whine and those words? You give it a shot for fucking sure. That is a hell of a nasty look.

"You think I'm makin a big deal out of it? I could be so much more overt with my anger and annoyance, motherfucker, I could make a real big deal outta it. My body is mine, my consent is mine, and I can do with it as little or as much as I mother fuckin please, do you understand me?"

> You step up on him with that last little bit, to loom over him. You are not pleased.

vwarlordvwanderlust > HhhhhhhHHHHHHH MAN IT'S NOT AS SEXY THAT HE'S BIG ANYMORE ACTUALLY.

> Wilt under the weight of that glare+loom combo, abruptly stepping back, hands up appeasingly.

"Hey hey, yeah, I get it."

> What's that last part you always forget? Oh, right.

"Sorry!"

> God this bastard is scary. You just want him to like you, this shouldn't be so hard!

carnivalsoration "What do you get? Tell me the lesson you learned. Don't just repeat after me, tell me why what you just said was fucked up."

> you are still looming.

vwarlordvwanderlust "You'd vwin,"

> Not probably a particularly promising start, but goddamn, this sure is the guy who tortured you VERY RECENTLY, huh.

"I get it, you can do vwhatevwer you vwant, I got it, that one vwas my bad."

> You may be the seadweller, but he's still more experienced than you, and four fucking feet taller. You stumble back another step, grinning nervously.

carnivalsoration > Ooh this motherfucker

"That ain't the POINT," you growl. "Try again. I got faith you can get this lesson. It ain't about me, it's about you."

vwarlordvwanderlust > It's not like he's pursuing you, and you feel like if you keep backing up you'll hit wall, which would really not help with the feeling safe thing, so you stop. Even though he growls, and it's fucking terrifying.

"I vwas annoying and pushy? And shouldn't be?"

> Your rising inflection makes it clear that you're definitely guessing, but at least it's an educated guess.

carnivalsoration "There's more to it than annoying." But you seem a little satisfied by that answer. "There's a lot fuckin more to it. You were pushy. People don't like bein round pushy people who don't respect their decisions. And that's the fuckin problem. You didn't respect my decision."

> How do you really drill this into him, you wonder...

vwarlordvwanderlust > Now you're a little defensive.

"I respected your decision! Look, I'm not doing anything nowv, am I?"

> Everyone always assumes the worst of you just because of all the things you do and say, and the person who you are.

carnivalsoration > Your expression gets tight and angry before you sit on the edge of the tub and put your head in your hands for half a second.

"Cronus Ampora," you say, softly. "Have you ever met someone who's been raped?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > What's. Your head snaps up to look at him, and you flush maroon, suddenly angry and upset, but still nervous. Off balance.

"I didn't-- I don't-- that doesn't havwe ANYTHING to do vwith this!"

carnivalsoration "Why not? Haven't you heard about all the people who said no, and then said yes reluctantly because they felt there would be consequences after. Or because they were pressured? And then they got fucked. When they didn't want to be. Someone's hands defiled their body and someone's bulge made them hate themselves. Have you never heard of that?"

> You look at him with deadly seriousness.

"So. Tell me. Have you ever met someone. Who has been sexually violated?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "... No. I mean, not. I don't think that's. That doesn't *happen* here."

> That kind of... crime? It's probably a crime sometimes. But it's not a Beforan thing.

> That's one of those big scary Alternian things.

> You've never heard of anything with a yes involved being called rape, though.

> You fuck with your hair more, no longer meeting his gaze.

carnivalsoration > You reach over, grab him, tug him towards you to make sure he looks you in the eyes.

"It happens everywhere. Everywhere anyone wants to have power over anyone else, or everywhere anyone feels they don't have to pay attention to the wants of anyone else."

> You look at him for two long moments of silence.

"If you ever want to meet a rape victim, keep doing what you did there. You'll make one. Violence doesn't have to be bloody or involve kicking and screaming to happen. Don't let it happen while you're not paying attention."

vwarlordvwanderlust "That's not..."

> You trail off kind of weakly.

"I vwouldn't make people do any-- I vwouldn't make people do that."

> You are, in fact, processing what he's saying, but it doesn't really sound like it, maybe.

"I'm not-- I'm a good guy!"

> The looming sensation of realizing the consequences of your past actions threatens to encroach on your feelings, but you beat that shit back with a stick. This was a rough enough night already, he doesnt need to basically call you a terrible person.

> Your voice is small and tentative when you speak next.

"Isn't it like. Important. For highbloods to, uh. Take things. If they vwant them, and they're tough and can havwe them?"

> You sound like you're trying to remember something from class, not like you're actually making an argument.

carnivalsoration > You watch him, watch expressions flit over his face as you let your words sink in. His question is an important one to figure out how to answer, you can't just say whatever comes to mind.

> It's a few moments before you respond.

"Taking things from others because you have the ability to doesn't change that it's stealing. Fucking someone because you can doesn't automatically make it consentual on their part. Conquest for someone is still torture for someone else. You can't be a good person and a victorious person at the same time, if you hurt someone to get there. People don't like someone and fear someone at the same time."

> You look at him seriously. You can't treat him like a kid, you can't treat him like a dick who doesn't matter. He's an adult who can make his own choices, and they are choices that will define him.

"You choose who you want to be. What you want to do with your power. Every choice you make opens some doors and closes others. You have more doors you can go through than lowbloods do, but but inevitably, you will define yourself by your actions. And you will define the opinions others have of you by them, and by what you do with the choices you have and the results that come of them."

> You hope he's getting the full power of your words. You definitely phrase them like they're important.

"You can take whatever you get your hands on. But shit like 'respect', like 'fondness', like bein liked, cannot be taken by force. It cannot just happen. You put effort into it, into the thoughts of feelings of others. Fear is easy to win. Disgust is easy to win. Easy to keep. Trust is what's hard to win, hard to keep. And, to me, hard things are generally worth earning."

vwarlordvwanderlust > He had you going for a second there. A while, even. You were listening with rapt attention, wide eyed, but.

> As persuasive as he is, as smart as he seems, there's an obvious hole in his argument, and he can't have missed it.

"People lovwe and fear the empress. Evweryone does. She vwants it all and she takes it, and she has it! I'm not trying to put myself on her levwel, but she's the trollish ideal."

> God, but you want to be liked.

"Do you... really believwe all this stuff?"

> You don't know what his motivations would be if he didn't, but.

carnivalsoration > You nod gravely at his question. "I speak the truth I've discovered through pain and trials, and I mean every word of it. Now, I want you to tell me something, and I want you to be thinkin real hard about yourself and about all those people you hang with."

> You raise a wry eyebrow. "Do you, personally, love the empress? Like you do, say, yourself. Or your lusus. Do you think all of your friends do? Go through em one by one, in your mind, see if you can find one that you think might not. You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. But I want you to be true to yourself, at the very fuckin least."

> You'll let that sink in for a moment, while you watch him.

vwarlordvwanderlust > You think about Mituna, broken and shoved into a padded cage by her policies, and grimace. . Other examples filter up through your mind more gradually, but his is the most salient.

"Vwell... evweryone respects--"

> You think about the fact that he was even broken in the first place because he was protesting her policies, biting the jeweled hand that fed him. He got what was coming to him, though...

> Your mouth settles into a stubborn line

"...Evweryone SHOULD respect the empress, if they're decent. Right?"

> Making such a tentative, heavily conditional statement at all in an argument, let alone then asking for confirmation, should probably be a sign that you're not really feeling it.

carnivalsoration "What is the difference, I wonder, between respect of somethin dangerous, like not playin with fire, and respect of someone's opinions because you value their input and believe they would value yours."

> He's so stubborn and so panwashed by all that propaganda, but he's slowly coming to important realizations that will shape him. And you're proud of him for it, it's sure not an easy thing to do.

"Decency is subjective. You gotta ask yourself what you think is decent. Gotta come to the conclusion, yourself, what you value in a person. Convictions are personal. I want to know what yours are, when you think about what you value most in a person."

vwarlordvwanderlust "You don't need to believwe someone vwould vwalue your input to respect their opinions. Eridan doesn't givwe a shit about anything I say, but he's a good kid and he knowvs lots of stuff."

> Mmm. You feel weird about all this. It's another elaborate test, and you've failed every single one he's given you before it.

"Vwhy do you vwant to knowv?"

carnivalsoration "Oh, but tell me if that makes you less likely to have meaningful conversations with him. Like the one we're having right now."

> Feeling weird is a normal part of this process. It sucks though. You don't like it either.

> You give him a wry smile at his next little question.

"Because I want to respect you, for your own sake."

vwarlordvwanderlust "Sure, I guess."

> Not that that proves anything.

> Hm. You look at him, really look at him, trying to gauge his sincerity.

> You continue to suck at that. Fortunately, you just assume he's sincere.

"I guess... Loyalty. Passion. Honor. Ambition, and uh, success too. It doesn't matter if you don't succeed, haha. Bravwery. The usual?"

> You don't sound especially certain, but then, it's not a question you've had cause to think about much. Not explicitly, at least.

carnivalsoration "I don't wanna hear about the usual. The expected answers. Those are buzzwords, words everyone likes and likes to think about themself. I want to hear somethin that could be individual to you. You ain't everyone. You're you. You got your own shit to bring to the table and I wanna hear what Cronus Ampora, specifically, values."

vwarlordvwanderlust "I don't..."

> This is a Big Question. Him first.

"Vwhat vwould you say, someone asked you that?"

> You have literally no clue. Maybe his answer will be inspiring.

carnivalsoration "I value people who have conviction but are open to change. I value people who respect thoughts different than their own, and can learn from things they don't experience. I like people who will hear me talk about my gods and not dismiss everythin I say. I like people who are thoughtful about their enemies as well as their friends. I like people who get angry. And I like people who can control their anger. I respect people who have knowledge but don't assume they know everything. I respect people who have been through shit but still know not to apply what they know universally, without context. I like people who are different from me."

vwarlordvwanderlust > Well, at the very least, you sure get angry.

"Vwowv, that's. A lot."

> You jam your hands in your pockets and look to the side.

"I dunno. I just. Like people vwho like me."

> That's the dumbest and truest thing you've ever said.

carnivalsoration > Welp, that didn't Quite work.

"What makes you dislike people?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "I guess I don't like it vwhen people..."

> 'Are mean to me'. Shit. You need a different one.

> Kick at the ground. This is so complicated.

"It's obnoxious vwhen people don't care about anything at all. There's so much *stuff*, and some people can't be bothered to pay attention to any of it. This is vworse than the torture, because it's making me face howv boring I am. "

> (Just kidding, you won't actually face that for a good while yet.)

carnivalsoration > You hum, consider him. "You're not boring. Not really. You're just... Not finished. You're like an artist and your canvas. And you've got all your outlines set up, but there ain't any color yet."

> Better continue on before he gets offended, delicate little shit. "Still, that's important, that thing you just said. You don't like people who don't care. So it follows that you're drawn to people who do care. Does it matter, to you, what they care about?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > Rude.

> But yeah, it turns out dicking around on a guitar all night and fantasizing about killing aliens doesn't actually lead to much growth as a person.

"Yeah, passion, like I said."

> You think for a second.

"I guess... I mean, it's best if they care about shit that's interesting. I mean, I don't vwanna hear some nerd go on about model trains for hours. But I think caring about something enough to dedicate yourself to it is cool."

> You're kind of opening up again, even though this isn't exactly something you're used to talking about. You don't feel like you're on the edge of a wrong answer, though.

"Art, especially, though. Art is so..."

> Useful? Important? Nah. You fold back into yourself a little.

"It's neat, at least. I guess being interested in something practical is better."

carnivalsoration > You like that, like that he can see the value in giving a shit about things he doesn't care a lick about. Your expression has been steadily softening, and now you smile a little at his words. He's doing great. Keep going, Cronus.

> And then he says something a bit down again, a bit Alternian Standard, and you have to reach back for what he was so close to expressing. Something genuine about Himself.

"No, tell me more about art, brother. I wanna hear your thoughts. What excites you about art, about music?"

vwarlordvwanderlust > You laugh a little.

"You're biased because you're a clowvn, but yeah, sure."

> You fall back into the subject with little encouragement, seemingly forgetting that this is the Big Scary Alternian Mentor Guy.

"Art is... Good art, to clarify, because there's a lot of shit out there. But art is beautiful evwen vwhen it's ugly, because art is honest evwen vwhen it's fake. All art tells a truth about the artist, y'knowv?"

carnivalsoration "I do know. I like that about art, I like knowin about people through what they do and how they do it."

> You don't mind the clown stereotyping. Just this once. It's true enough anyway.

"And what do you think your art says about you?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "Vwell, if you havwe to ask, it must not havwe been saying vwery vwell!"

> You take that in good humor, though.

"I guess my public stuff, the newv music, is mostly about me being cool and tough and a loyal citizen. But subject isn't the same as message... It probably mostly says howv self centered I am."

> Candor!

> You do talk a lot about yourself in your songs.

carnivalsoration > You laugh a bit as well. "Well, the message I get and the message you intend can be two separate things. Art is individual even to the observers of it. But I think that comes across pretty well."

> You think it comes across that he's lonely and desperate.

"What about your private stuff, then? The stuff where you are the artist and the intended audience?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "Vwell, I mean, that stuff's privwate."

> So's your vent blog, but this guy has that too.

> You stare off into the middle distance, because it makes you look cool and deep.

"I guess it mostly just says that I'm sensitivwe. Major character flawv, but sometimes the babes lovwe it, so it's a mixed bag. It's all about heartbreak and abandonment or vwhatevwer."

carnivalsoration > Oh fuck. Oh fuck it's so hard to not laugh at him sometimes.

> You keep back the chuckles and feel glad that he's staring off into the distance like a nerd.

"So you feel abandoned? Misunderstood?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "Sure, yeah. I mean, it's not like people stick around."

> For Some Reason.

"Nobody really gets me, and nobody really cares to try. I guess you do, and San."

carnivalsoration > .... And That's about all the focus you're willing to have with this conversation.

"Well, me and saness are gonna do our best. So. Ya know. Try not to make it too hard on us."

vwarlordvwanderlust "I'll do my best."

> Grin, setting aside your Dramatic Melancholy for later.

"I like you guys, you're great. Vweird, but hey, vwho isn't?"

carnivalsoration "Who knows. No one I wanna chill with."

> A few seconds of looking at him.

"Hey I got shit to do and I can't really do it in this busted up hive."

vwarlordvwanderlust "No, yeah, I vwas just about to ask if you vwere ready to dip."

> It's time for lots of introspection, followed by promptly discarding all the conclusions you come to that feel bad.

> This was. Something. Lots of things.

"Do you havwe your owvn vway back? San did."

carnivalsoration > You're not sure he actually was. You're just a little tired of dealing with a wiggler.

"Yeah," you motion to a bracer very similar to hers. "I'm pretty good on transport. Catch ya later?"

vwarlordvwanderlust "Seeya around, boss."

> Fingerguns and wink. God you're charming. Time to go.

carnivalsoration > You disappear! Bye bitch.

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ashdownbloodline · 6 years ago

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We Need You For Something...

Part 1: The Knock Of Change

This is my first fanfic, I hope you all like it. I need to thank @dammn-dean for all her help! She has really helped me through all this. If you haven’t, go check her out. Let me know what you guys think of it.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Original Character (Yauna), other OC’s and Avengers pairings later.

Words: It's high

Warnings: Adult Themes, Language, Eventual Smut, PTSD, motions of Torture, Fluff, Death

Summary: Yauna just wants to be normal and Tony recruits her as his head engineer. Her past catches up and shit goes crazy.

(Again gif isn’t mine)

(Age 27) so eight years after prologue

The sun peered through the high windows of the England town house, warming the hard wood floors and helping to reveal the sketches underneath of Yauna’s latest project.

She walked from the floor to the ceiling to the walls, trying to change her angle of thinking. Every time she found a new position, gravity would betray her, pushing her curly, carrot red hair into her face and hiking up her blue, green, and black long tartan skirt.

Finally, she landed on upside down as being the most productive. Moving her hair into a loose bun and threading her feet through the rafters on the ceiling, she let her weight hang from her legs.

The tattoo on her back moved under her skin, making it itch. “Stop it! I need to finish this.” Artemis wanted to keep moving, she had been cooped up for too long.

Her skirt took to gravity and fell into her face, letting out a huff of frustration. She flicked her hand and pinned her skirt to stay at her knees with her magic.

She was working on a project for a client in Brighton, where she lived luckily. Working as a private engineer for tech companies and other facilities was nice, her own hours and she could show up the men of the field that downgraded women.

That particular benefit made Yauna so happy and gave her the satisfaction she needed to continue. This project was being particularly stubborn though, the power supply requirement was giving her problems.

What felt like moments were actually hours passing, as she tried to figure out a solution. About three hours later, she groaned in frustration and was about ready to give up, just then there was a knock on her door.

After a moment stunned she started to dismount, hoping it wasn’t her neighbor about the late night music. Not going fast enough apparently, there was another aggressive, impatient knock.

“Hold on, a girl needs a wee feckin’ moment!” Her accent rang out, as she righted herself and walked to the door. Opening it she found three men standing in front of her; Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and Steve Rogers.

She smoothed her skirt and untied her hair letting it fall to just brush her shoulders, then invited them inside. “Hello, you bies need a bevy?” She asked standing in her entry way, taking in their appearances.

Tony in formal suit as always, Bruce was in dress pants and a cardigan, and Steve was in jeans, a t-shirt, and a jumper.

They looked at her in confusion, she mentally kicked herself and a soft pink of embarrassment dusted her cheeks.

“Sorry, a drink. Do you want a drink?” Bruce let out a small chuckle and Steve gave her a reassuring smile.

“No, we need you for something in New York.” Tony said in a businessy tone. “Hello, I’m Steve Rogers. These are my coworkers-”

Yauna cut him off, “I know who you are dearie.” She smiled before continuing pointing at them in order, “You are Tony Stark. You are Bruce Banner, love your work by the way. And you are the product of the miracle serum, Steve Rogers. I’d love to pick your brain sometime.”

They stood for a moment in silence. “So, what are you bies needn’?” Yauna looked at the men standing in front of her, praying they weren’t here on business with her past.

“Um, we are here to ask you to come work in New York with us.” Tony stattered, shifting foot to foot. He hadn’t been nervous very many times, let alone intimidated, yet right now he was both.

Yauna’s face turned slightly grimmer, causing the entire group to hold their breaths waiting for her response. “What are you needn’ me for?” She said apprehensively, hoping they just meant her brain.

Bruce perked up, “We need you for-” Tony cut him off, “Can you show me what you’re working on over here?” Talking about anything else right now was preferred by Tony, he could talk tech and science. He needed to let his brain cool off a little bit.

Plus Tony wanted to test her a bit, wanting to see what skills she really had. Tony and Yauna talked about her projects for about an hour and a half, drawing Bruce’s and Steve’s attention every now and then. Solving some of her problems and arising others, Tony was impressed. She knew a lot and was creative, more creative than him.

Her frustration limits were far better than his and she was fun to be around. She was kind, taking time to explain to everyone everything that she was talking about and listening to what idea each person was offering. She was perfect for the position he wanted to fill.

“I want to offer you my position, per say. I want you to be the head of engineering for the team. If you accept, you’ll have your own lab and you can enlist the help of anyone you wish and who accepts, as long as they are approved security wise of course.” Tony watched her expression, unreadable and under debate.

“Pepper says I need to stop stressing so much. So, I found you. You’re brilliant and I’d trust you with the position.”

Finally she nodded, “I have some conditions.” She stated, at which Tony nodded for her to go on.

“I will take the job as a trial period, the environment is important to me. I need to make sure that everyone is comfortable before agreeing long term. Also, I want to keep my flat here until I decide that this position is perfect. Lastly, I request that my hours be flexible. My inspiration varies and a tight schedule isn’t a friend of mine.”

Tony took in the information and gave a small smirk, “Of course, I’m not asking you to sign your life away in one second. A trial period is perfect and you’ll be living at The Compound, so your hours are yours to make. Except meetings, I will work with you and the others to find good times, but you will need to attend those.”

Yauna smiled brightly and laughed, “Well, I’d be happy to work fer ya!” She pushed her hand out waiting for Tony’s.

In that moment, Tony noticed the thick light pinky-white scar on her neck. Starting on one side of her neck, disappearing behind her neck and reappearing on the other side, then trailed down her chest disappearing into her sweater. Absentmindedly, he took her hand and shook it lightly.

Yauna noticed his gaze and knew immediately that he noticed, thinking to herself. Eventually I’m going to make to tell him, he will find out. I want it to be from my gob, not someone else's. For now, she pushed it to the back of her mind, focusing on the deal at hand.

Talking over some other detail with each person, they left with a box of pastries she told them to take or else. Each of them seemed to like her, she was really nice and personable.

But, they all noticed the subjects that made her eyes grim and they all noticed the scars. That would have to be addressed sometime later, eventually.

Tony told her to be ready by Thursday, that someone will be here to pick her up and she could pack up her stuff that she needed to ship. The door closed and Yauna took a deep breath and thought, Well, this is going to be an adventure…

On the way back to the Compound, Tony had to ask them to get their opinion. “What did ya think?” He said from the pilots seat, his question pulled Steve and Bruce out of their conversation.

“She was nice, I really like her.” Bruce said first with a shrug. “Yea, she seems knowledgeable.” Steve said with a nod to agree with Bruce.

“I’m curious where she got all…” Bruce gestured to his neck, not wanting to say the word, it made him hurt to think about all those he could see.

Tony ignored his comment, he didn’t know what to think of all those scars. But, for some reason he still trusted her.

“Okay, then I’m sending you to pick her up Steve.” He declared instead. The rest of the flight was silent, not uncomfortable just silent.

Thursday came sooner than Yauna had expected, she had all her essentials packed in her green suitcase. The file she had made for Tony was in her haversack, all her secrets (well factual secrets) we tucked so close to her.

Taking one last look in the mirror at her mustard yellow sweater with bows at the wrists and her light blue jean overalls, she paired with a blue and green based rainbow beanie and brown slip ons. Maybe she should have rethought her outfit, she fidgeted with her curly hair, but just made it poofier. Ugh, why did my mother give me this stupid type of hair!

There was a strategic knock on her door, moments later drawing her out of her anxious thoughts. Walking up to the entrance she had to shush Artemis, who was clawing under her skin with anticipation and worry. Then, she flung the door open to the sight of Steve Rogers.

He was dressed in a baseball cap, gray jumper and gray sweatpants almost matching. She smiled, Steve looked slightly rough today and in need of a smile. “Ready?” He asked returning the smile.

“Yea, you okay?” Yauna pushed the straps of her haversack over her shoulders and took up her suitcase, proceeding to follow him to the car waiting at the curb.

He waved his hand dismissing your concern, “I’m just tired...Had to deal with a lot of stuff last night.” Yauna gave him a sympathetic smile as she moved to the back of the car to stuff her suitcase in.

“Here let me get that...Is this all you’re bringing?” Steve pushed the suitcase in and looked at her expecting more.

“Yea, ‘m mailing the rest. Is all I need for a quick bit.” She didn’t mean for her accent to slip through so much, not that she was ashamed, but most people didn’t ever know what she was talking about.

Steve chuckled a bit surprised for a moment. “Okay, well shall we?” He motioned for Yauna to get in, then they were off.

The ride to the airport gave time for Steve and Yauna to get to know each other better, and the plane ride to New York allowed even more. Before they landed, Steve started feeling protective over her anticipating what the others would do. Weirdly, he felt like she was like a little sister to him, she had something about her that reminded Steve of home.

The plane landed and Steve showed Yauna to her quarters, “Well, here we are. Do you need anything?” He sat her suitcase down, that he had insisted on carrying, giving her time to think.

“No, I don’t think so. Thank you Steve.” She smiled and it was infectious, giving him a twinge of happiness. They waved goodbye and Steve set off down the hallway.

Yauna pulled out the keycard he had given her, then she remembered something. Whirling around jolting a bit, “Wait, Steve?” He jerked around nodding to her to continue.

“If you see Mr. Stark, can you tell him to come see me when he gets a moment?” Steve laughed at how formal she was, but nodded, “He actually was going to come see you anyway.” Yauna gave him another infectious smile and yelled thank you, he turned back around and continued down the hallway.

She swiped her card and the door slid open to reveal a living space, including; a couch, end tables, a dining table, a coffee table, and an entertainment center.

On the other side of the television stand stood a tall bookcase with a note, “I hope this is enough space for all your books and more. You can thank Bruce and Pepper later. -Tony” She laughed and noted to thank them later .

Next to the living room was the kitchen, fully equipped with appliances, cabinets and a breakfast bar. On the back wall was a glass door leading to a balcony with chairs.

There were two doors on the left wall, the one closest to the door was the bathroom, the second door was the bedroom; a bed, a walk in closet, an entertainment stand, end tables and a desk.

Next to the entertainment stand was a door to connect the bathroom to the bedroom. Yauna started to unpack what she had brought with her, not starting putting anything too far away just in case what she talked to Tony about didn’t go over well.

A few hours later, about 8:30 pm, a musical knock came on her door. She steadied her nerves again, opening the door with a smile. “Hey, came by to see how you were doing. And I wanted to show you your lab.” His face looked lighter than it did when he came to see her over a week ago.

Yauna didn’t move from her place in the door though, her face serious. “I need to talk to you about something first.” She moved beckoning him in before he could say another word. “Yer gonna find out sooner or later. I’d rather it’d a’bea from me.” She turned pulling out the file she made for him about her life, her real life. “This is everyt’ing, well almost everyt’ing.”

She handed it to him, preparing herself for rejection like always. Tony flipped the folder open, he saw a picture of two children and their mother and father. “That’s my mother, father, brother, and I. We are part of a hidden society that protects everyone from the horrors and evil's lurking in the background.”

“My parents died when I was 11, murdered actually. I was kidnapped by a family friend before they died. He killed them while he had me, my brother had to kill his goons.” She explained, then went silent for Tony to read the rest. That file had everything; her parents death, her whole ordeal, the aftermath, and her powers.

After Tony finished and set the file down, Yauna waited long for his words. Finally they came, “Why did you show me this?” He questioned without any emotion, Yauna took that as a sign for the worst.

“You needed to know. Work only happens with trust and you can’t trust me with this big of a secret. I wanted to be hired for my brain not my powers, I just wanted to be normal. If you can’t trust me, I understand.” Yauna hung her head slightly, some hope still left.

She figured if she was going to go out better go out with a bang. “I’m a half-breed, that’s what they call me where I come from. I have demon, human, and angelic blood coursing through my veins. The mix allows me to have powers.” She went silent after her admission, hoping that her honesty would help her in some way. It seemed to stay silent for years.

Then his voice broke the silence again, “Of course I trust you, I did even before this.” He gestured to the folder with a laugh, “Yauna, I understand and thank you for telling me. This won’t be a problem with anyone, we all have our pasts.”

Yauna’s eyes jolted up to his, “No! No, I don’t want anyone else to know yet. I don’t want to be judged because of what happened.” Tony nodded, “Okay, you can tell them in your own time.”

He laid his hand on her shoulder giving her a soft smile, “Come on, I’m really excited to show you your lab. No one is as passionate about this as I am.” Yauna smiled, following him out the door.

That went better than I expected. Now, hopefully I can keep it together. She thought as Tony showed her around the rest of The Compound, telling her he made a mandatory breakfast for ‘everyone’ tomorrow to meet her. He agreed to make Friday keep her secret as well, she could use her magic when needed and Friday would be her watchman.

She made her way back to her room, after the two said their goodbyes and goodnights. After sliding the door open, she looked around and felt excitement well up inside of her. Now it’s time for decorating! She thought as she looked around the apartment, nearly jumping up and down.

Alright! There’s part one of this series. I’m so sorry this is really late. I’m going to try and post the next one in about 5 days. Let me know what you think! I’m always open for questions or suggestions! Till next time.

#bucky barnes #bucky xoc #marvel #cute bucky #shy bucky #fluffy bucky #marvel fanfiction #bucky fanfic #oringinal character #bucky barnes x original female character

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eldritchsurveys · 6 years ago

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o83.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep, what kinds of things are you likely to do? How often do you find you have trouble sleeping? >> I read when that happens. I don’t have trouble sleeping all that often, but sometimes I’ll have trouble getting to sleep (especially if sleep paralysis is getting in the way) or staying asleep. They’re not really chronic issues, though, and are pretty recent developments.

2. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? >> I can’t remember the last time I had to fill out something like this. Maybe when I first visited Heartside Clinic?

3. Are you a patient person? What is one way you have a lot of patience? What about not very much patience at all? >> I have a pretty high capacity for patience, just in general. Specific situations that might cause me to be impatient are things like waiting to go somewhere cool or dealing with a situation that I have no investment in but am forced to deal with anyway for whatever reason.

4. At what time during the day do you tend to feel your best? What about the worst? >> I don’t know. I feel pretty much the same no matter the time of day, unless I’m sleepy.

5. What was the last thing you did that you wish you could take back or do differently? >> I guess I could wish I hadn’t had Sparrow take me to Urgent Care when the situation magically cleared itself up on the way there, but the walk back home wasn’t too bad and no lasting harm was done, so... like, whatever.

6. Are there any blogs that you check first thing in the morning or on a regular basis? In general, what kinds of blogs do you like to follow? >> I get notifications for updates from some blogs, so I’ll just check those blogs when I do phone-related activities in the morning, and sometimes throughout the day depending on what else I’m doing. I follow way too many blogs to have a type, lol.

7. How frequently do you stay overnight somewhere that isn’t your own home? What things do you miss about home when you’re away? Do you tend to get homesick easily? >> I stay overnight at other places so infrequently that I actually have a difficult time falling asleep anywhere that isn’t home or the Wayland house (for the first night, particularly; after that, it evens out). The Wayland house gets off easy I guess because I stayed there for the first month when I moved out here. I usually just miss the freedom of being in my own apartment and knowing where everything is and having all my stuff within reach. But I wouldn’t say I get homesick per se, like I love to be other places; I sometimes get the “I want to go home” feeling when I’m overloaded, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I actually want to go home, ya dig.

8. Do you tend to eat more in the beginning of the day or at night? Do you have a tendency to snack when you’re bored? If so, what kinds of snacks do you normally go for? >> I’m not sure. It’s summer right now, so I just eat less in general, which makes my eating habits more nebulous and harder to track. I snack sometimes when I need something else to do with my hands/face, but sometimes I just chew gum for that.

9. If you have any dietary restrictions, do you ever miss foods you can’t have? If not, what’s something you haven’t had for a long time that you wish you could eat again? >> I would love to eat Louisiana food again. One day.

10. What was the best thing to happen to you today? What about the worst? >> I won a $15 Wendy’s gift card at Resident Appreciation Day (Sparrow won $25 to Papa John’s, which we’re going to use later today). The worst thing is, I guess, that I didn’t win the $25 AMC Theaters card, because I really wanted that. :p

11. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? >> I don’t do well on phone calls and I avoid them as much as possible. I am also pretty unemployable.

12. When was the last time you changed your opinion on a relatively big or serious issue? Overall, do you feel your opinions on things have changed a lot since you were younger or do you still feel the same about many things? What is one opinion you never see yourself changing? >> I don’t remember the last time that happened. But yeah, my opinions on things have definitely changed -- or, expanded might be a better word -- since I was younger... as an especially mercurial individual, I’d be kind of weirded out if they hadn’t. I don’t think I’ll ever change my opinion on religion, though -- I will always be fascinated by it and supportive of it in general, and I will also remain unsupportive of specific religious practices that divide and belittle people.

13. If you have a mental illness, in what ways has it made your life different from those around you? What challenges have you faced, what have you overcome, and what have you had to miss out on? >> I think of myself as neurodivergent, despite the fact that I haven’t been tested for that -- I could be wrong, of course, but then that’d just make all these experiences I’ve had in life even weirder than they already are. Neurodivergence is actually the Occam’s Razor conclusion here. So that would mean my brain developed differently than is common, and my perceptions and philosophies and understanding of the world around me are equally divergent from what is common. I process things differently, I experience emotions differently, I socialise differently, and so on. It’s a pretty pervasive thing. My social development was pretty stunted until adulthood (when I was able to do something about it). I had to learn the intricacies of communication, the differences in the way I respond to things and the ways other people do, how to navigate the world without sticking out like a sore thumb, how to recognise danger, how to avoid social traps, all that shit -- and I guess I picked both a great and terrible place to learn all that stuff in, in NYC, but at least I managed. I’ve missed out on childhood because I feel like I really wasn’t fully present for it, trapped in my own head as I was; I’ve missed out on half of high school because I was usually hospitalised (I’d developed a moderate-to-severe cutting habit due to trauma); I fell off the socially-accepted life path somewhere in high school and never managed to get back on (once the train leaves the station, catching up only gets more and more difficult as time goes on). None of this really bothers me by now, because if there’s one thing a born wanderer will always do, it’s carve a place for itself no matter where it is. I have blazed my own trail. It is mine alone, and I am glad for it -- because no other path would have suited me.

14. Again, if you have MH issues, do you ever wonder what your life would’ve been like without them? If you could snap your fingers and make your illness disappear, would you? Or would something stop you from doing this, and if so, what? >> I mean, I guess I’ve wondered that for funsies, but I can’t imagine being anyone but myself, so. (And the thing about neurodivergence is that it’s literally built into the fabric of who a person is -- if my brain had developed “normally”, I wouldn’t be the same person at all. And I can’t imagine myself as anyone else, so the imagining falls apart.) I do not want to snap my fingers and make a completely different person appear in my place. I do love who I am, it’s just difficult being who I am sometimes. I can handle a little difficulty. I’ve done so this far, after all.

15. Are you good at getting along with other people even if they have vastly different views from yours? When was the last time you had to interact with someone like this, and how did it go? >> Yeah, I can usually get along with someone if I really feel like it, no matter what they think -- with some limits, obviously (there’s no way I’m ever going to get along with a neo-Nazi, let’s be serious). But here’s the thing: most of the time, I don’t care enough to try in the first place, lmao. So it doesn’t matter.

16. What is one way you show another person you care about them? What are things that make you feel cared about in return? >> If I give someone my time and attention, I usually care about them in some fashion. I really don’t just go giving that out, and I don’t feel bad about withholding it if I don’t care about someone enough. Like, what are they going to do, be mean to me? Big deal, I’d have to care for that to matter. So if I care, I at least want to pay attention to them and listen to what they have to say and try to understand where they’re coming from even if I don’t fully grok it. It’s the effort, I guess -- I put effort in. As a pretty apathetic person, that means a lot coming from me, even if other people see it as unremarkable. I feel cared about when people pay attention to me and remember things I’ve said and respect my boundaries and appreciate my creations and encourage me and stuff.

17. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? >> I don’t remember. I was probably indifferent emotion-wise, but like... idk, if I say “congratulations” then I at least want you to feel good about whatever it is you did or got. I don’t have to feel anything for that to be true.

18. Are you typically happy for other peoples’ successes? Was there ever a time you just couldn’t bring yourself to be, no matter what? >> I’m typically emotionally indifferent to other people’s successes, but I still want them to succeed. Like, I wouldn’t discourage them or downplay their success, I’m just not going to jump around the room or whatever-the-fuck. It’s okay, I don’t expect anyone to do it to me, either (unless they want to, obviously). And yeah, there are plenty of times when envy or dislike or whatever prevented me from even going through the motions of happiness on their behalf. It be’s like that sometimes.

19. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? >> The last milestone of that nature I reached was co-signing the lease for this apartment, I guess? I don’t know. What even is a milestone. I want my next milestone to be moving out of this place, tbh. But I think the next one is probably marriage, unless we really do move in March when our lease is up again.

20. Do you feel as though you’ve lived your life according to what society typically expects, or is your life more unconventional? >> No, my life has been quite unconventional. This is the most conventional it’s been since the beginning, and that’s why I’m often so weird about it. Sometimes, to a wild thing, safety can feel like a cage. It’s a brain glitch, don’t mind it.

21. Do you enjoy getting comments or messages? How likely are you to leave comments or messages for other people? >> Sure, I like to socialise. I don’t know how likely I am to do it -- just whenever the desire strikes, I guess. I don’t think too hard about it.

22. How would you describe your handwriting? Is it what comes naturally, or have you ever purposely worked to improve or stylize your handwriting in a particular way? Do you know anyone who has particularly interesting or unusual handwriting? >> My handwriting used to be damn good, especially seeing as I was raised by someone with impeccable handwriting and calligraphy skills, but it’s degraded as I started to buy my own computers and shit. Now I’m almost exclusively a typer, and I haven’t written anything by hand that wasn’t an address on an envelope or a short form for some government thing in a long time. But my handwriting is still better than Sparrow’s, lmao, so she always has me write things out. I could always get better at it again, because it’s not difficult; I just have to care enough. I’m still considering it.

23. When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? >> I don’t scream, really. I don’t even like yelling, I just... I have one of those voices, lmao -- it’s quiet usually, but when I get passionate or upset about something, it really projects. I’d probably be great on a stage. The last time I recall being screamed at was over the holidays, at the Wayland house. Not an event I really feel like rehashing, either.

24. Do you ever ignore other people? How do you tend to react to being ignored by someone? >> Sure, I've done that. Just not frequently. I usually ignore people when they’re either trying to piss me off (like a troll on tumblr) or trying to manipulate me into responding by being antagonistic. I can’t remember the last time I was legitimately ignored by someone, so I don’t know how I’d react. I’d probably just go on about my business, like... what’s the point of doing anything else, really? Maybe whine to Can Calah about it, or something.

25. When was the last time you felt like your feelings werent being respected? Do you think you do a good job of respecting the feelings of others? >> The last time I felt like that was when I was trying to set boundaries for myself in my last relationship, and it felt like I shouldn’t even want what I wanted (listen, don’t ask, by now I don’t even remember why it felt that way), but like, that’s ancient history now. (I mean, it is to me, anyway. The only reason I thought about it now is because it’s the answer to the question, but other than now I haven’t thought about it any time recently.) I don’t know if I do a good job of respecting the feelings of others; I just do my best and hope it’s good enough. Isn’t that all any of us do?

26. If you have a pet, what is one personality quirk that they have? If you don’t have pets, was there ever a time when you had one or wanted one? >> I’ve had pets briefly, but really, I don’t... even want one at this point. They’re more trouble than I have patience for.

27. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? >> I don’t know what my strongest or weakest emotion is. I’m really not emotionally connected, in case that isn’t already clear, lmao.

28. When was the last time you were up to see the sunrise? Do you tend to pay attention to things like that (sunrises, sunsets, rainstorms, etc) or do you not really care about that sort of thing? >> I was awake at the time of sunrise this morning, but I wasn’t watching it or anything. I do pay attention to the weather, but I won’t necessarily drop what I’m already doing to pay attention to it. Unless it’s a thunderstorm. I love those.

29. What was the last thing you bought for someone else? What about the last thing someone bought for you? And the last thing you bought yourself? >> The last thing I bought for someone else was... I think a book for Rez’s birthday? That was months ago, but I don’t think I’ve bought anything else? Unless it was something for Sparrow, but like, we live in the same household, we just kinda spend our money that way by default. The last thing someone bought for me (that wasn’t Sparrow) was the mindfulness book that Hallie bought me last month. The last thing I bought myself was a Gatorade (lmao not a hot one! a blue FROSTI BOI) and a pack of bubble gum.

30. How do you feel about the day you’ve been having so far? Or if it’s just started, what kinds of things do you plan to do today? >> My day was all right. A good old Saturday.

#surveys #random survey #survey

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residentlesbrarian · 3 years ago

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Fandom and Fanfiction Galore

Ship It by Britta Lundin

Aaaaaalrighty...so this was written almost 3 years ago hot out of ClexaCon 2018 and it is...an interesting one. I had and still very much have feelings about this book. Would I write my thoughts the exact same way today as I did back then...probably not! So enjoy this bit of a pre-pandemic pre-a-whole-bunch-of-other-personal-stuff-y’all-don’t-need-to-know-about me talking about a book I still don’t really know how I feel about! Enjoy!

This was another book I found because of the Queering YA panel at ClexaCon 2018. Being able to talk to Britta at the booth after the panel was awesome, because you could tell talking with her that she was a true fan. She knew what being surrounded by fandom was like and it made me pretty excited to read the book.

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: Living in the environment of fandom can be an insane experience in both good and bad ways. This book delivered a unique experience and look into fandom culture that was surreal to read about outside of fanfiction and tumblr.

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

I would say overall this book felt a little weird for me. I didn’t absolutely love it but I also didn’t particularly dislike it. It fell in a very ‘meh’ place for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have good things to say about it, they are just slightly confusing things.

The plot was actually one of the things I liked the most about it. Even though it was a crazy unrealistic plot, it helped capture the absolute lunacy of being a member of fandom culture perfectly. Sometimes being a fan is a simple life of surfing Tumblr and liking posts but sometimes the craziest things happen and change your life forever. In this case the reader is swept up in this craziness with Claire and the unrealistic aspect of it all made it feel more realistic as counterintuitive as that sounds. That is what the fandom experience can feel like at times, everything makes so little sense it actually circles back around to making sense, but enough about that...time for some character rambles.

Now we have two perspectives explored in this book. That of Claire, the fangirl, and Forest, the actor who has never had to deal with fangirls before. Let’s start with Claire. I am of two minds on her. Part of me really doesn’t like her, mostly because she is a person that in real life I probably wouldn’t spend time around and, as I’ve stated in a previous review, I have a hard time separating myself from characters and remembering that they are only teenagers. Multiple times I actually physically facepalmed, while reading a hardback book! That isn’t easy to do, but I did it, because she was doing things that just seemed so illogical from my perspective. But I am an adult, so of course I have a completely different perspective than a teen who is away from home and feeling a little out of control for a plethora of reasons. Now the other part of me really liked her, strangely enough for those exact same reasons, she was so real that I went full ‘Mom’ mode and wanted to sit her down and have a talk about what she was going through before she did something she was going to regret. Even if I found the character to be unlikeable the fact I was still on her side and wanted to help her really shows the depth that was written into her.

Now moving on to Forest. Oh, Forest. He was a character that I was very intrigued by at first because his was a perspective I, as a fangirl myself, had never seen in a book before, but damn if he didn’t make it so hard to like him. Some of the things he said and did made me want to throttle him. I could excuse some of the stuff Clarie did because of her age and the craziness of everything going on around her, but Forest is an adult and should know better. He would improve and his actions would start to win me over, but then he would overreact to something and make me want to put on my throttlin’ gloves again. I felt like that Tyra Banks ‘I was rooting for you!’ reaction gif while I was reading this multiple times. Again, though, there were parts that I was glad Forest called Claire out on her actions when it was called for, but overall they both needed an intervention to have them sit down and just chill for five seconds.

I actually genuinely liked a majority of the side characters in this as well. I actually have less of the weird mental confusion when it comes to the side characters. Rico was cute and great around the fans. Jamie was a total asshat but he was written to be that way to foil Claire in her mission to make ‘Smokeheart’ cannon. One of my favorite scenes in the whole book was actually between Claire and the social media consultant, whose name I totally remember and am just choosing not to put in because I think that’ll be all avant garde...okay fine I forgot her name and I am not digging the book out to find it. Anyway...I can’t really go into detail about the scene because, you know, spoilers but it was so well done in the context of the story.

Now for the last big character I want to speak on, the love interest, Tess. Now I really liked Tess and even understood how she wanted to keep her nerdy hobbies a secret from her small town friends. I was lucky that I grew up in a family and a circle of friends that let me embrace my passions no matter how off-the-wall they may seem to others. Tess obviously didn’t have that kind of support but she was still so passionate just privately. I will say though, ironically given the title of the book, I don’t ship it. Tess and Claire definitely share an instant attraction and the chemistry is there but they have so much growing to do before they are anywhere close to having an actual healthy functional relationship. Maybe if we saw more of them it would feel more compelling but it just wasn’t for me.

So my final thoughts on this book are just...a little discombobulated. Part of me was really happy to read a book that portrayed a part of my life that is so hard to put into words at times. I have never been a rabid fangirl, but after Lexa’s death I had to try and explain my utter devastation to people who just didn’t understand why a fictional character mattered to me so much. This book captures at least a layer of the fandom experience in a way that I’ve never seen before. The problem I have in the end though is how problematic everything that happens was, and then the ending just felt so sudden. We didn’t see any of the characters address their issues on the page. I hope this review made some coherent sense, because this book still doesn’t really make sense even in my brain, but I need to wrap this up now.

Queer Wrap-up: Okay, so, for our rep we have a questioning main character who definitely has some queer tendencies, but overall her realizing her feelings took such a back seat to her mission to make a fictional ship cannon on a show that was already filmed it took away from the rep as a whole. It just felt like the focus was so split that the actual rep gets lost in the pages. There is no argument by the end of the book that Claire is queer, which earns the three unicorns on that alone, but some of the tropes that played parts in the book were just so cringey that I couldn’t rationalize giving it more than that. Even with a couple side characters who were revealed to also be queer they weren’t enough to cover for the less stellar parts of this book.

Links:

Britta Lundin’s Website

TheStorygraph

Amazon

Okay, so if you couldn’t tell by that train wreck of a review this book just confused me. It kept me just interested enough to pick it back up after I’d put it down, but also wasn’t that bad. It lives in a weird oxymoronic vortex in my brain that honestly gives me a headache if I focus on it too much. There were aspects of this book that I did genuinely like but it all gets swirled together with the parts that made me put it down and need to take a break. If any of you want to discuss those more spoiler-filled aspects please send an ask and I’ll welcome you into the cyclical nature of whatever this book is doing in my brain. And as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

#ship it #britta lundin #queer girl #ya fiction #resident lesbrarian #this whole thing is a bit of a time capsule #i wrote this soooo long ago #man weird #still agree with it though

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theuntaintedlotus · 4 years ago

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february 7 2021

Happy Sunday everyone!

To wrap this week up and cause we all wanna travel back in time to the start of the weekend, today’s song recommendation is Time Machine by Diamond Pistols and Rich Brian.

Song Name: Time Machine

Artist(s): Diamond Pistols, Rich Brian

Release year: 2020

Length: 3 mins, 3 sec

You can watch the music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cr2DNEk7XM

For more of those nostalgia vibes, listen to this song.

Indonesian rapper Rich Brian started his career off making videos about things like how to microwave bread, but his career has since kicked off. He’s now signed to 88rising and Empire, released many many songs, and has even done a few concert tours. (I went to see him during The Sailor tour and it was AMAZING. so fun)

I started listening to Rich Brian around 2017 and has followed his music since then. So, I started listening to this song right away when it was released.

Now, I’ve never heard of Diamond Pistols, aka Christian Dold, but I think he is a producer/DJ. He’s worked with artists like Lil Pump, Jackson Wang, blackbear, etc. You can read more about Diamon Pistols here. He’s actually done a lot of music and I’m really happy to learn about this artist through this song.

Recently, I started listening to this song again. I think it really captures feelings of wanting to go back to a certain time period.

“Woke up with some feelings of nostalgia But just not the kind that makes you smile It felt more like a thousand paper cuts And a band aid ain't gon' fuckin' heal it up Honeymoons with strangers (that shit was fun) Sundays with family (that shit was nice) I'm missing out on things I can't rewind I just wish I knew I'd miss it at the timeGive me that Serotonin, baby My brain be needin' that Serotonin lately I'ma need the key to open up the fuckin' past 'Cause all my friends are locked inside and I can't get them back I just wanna relive the past just for a second Can you invent a fuckin' time machine? I'm tryna go to 2014″

- lyrics from https://genius.com/Diamond-pistols-time-machine-lyrics

To me, at least, the lyrics are really relatable. 2014 was when I finished high school and thinking back always brings back nostalgia. Not that I want to go back, but it was a time before some of us had to worry about the stresses of finding a job or society in general.

ANYWAYS

Rich Brian in this song almost swings away from his original type of music like Dat Stick or Who That Be, it’s more like his stuff in The Sailor I would say cause there’s more melodic rapping (idk if that’s what it’s called).

I think it’s overall a really fun song. The lyrics might be a bit sadder but it’s a fun beat and the music video is pretty fun too. So with the music video it almost turns the sad lyrics into something not so sad but a happy thing you can reminese on...I can’t spell this word...reminisce?? Like you’re thinking back to all the happy memories and even though it makes you feel nostalgic and kinda sad, they’re happy thoughts.

I love the song and the feels it brings. Sometimes I don’t pay attention to lyrics as much, like I listen to the lyrics, but I don’t think about them as much as others. But for this song, the lyrics were definitely one component I paid attention to.

Maybe I’ve been stuck indoors for too long but sometimes music just hits different ya know. So, listen to what you feel like listening, listen to what fits with you atm. Go back to old songs if it feels right. Don’t listen to songs just because it’s mainstream and don’t avoid songs because they are.

keep smiling

-sy

#rich brian #diamond pistols #music #musicblog #music recommendation #highly recommend #vibes #songs

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canaryatlaw · 8 years ago

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Well today was pretty good for a 12 hour day, haha. I was annoyed because I only ended up getting like 4 hours of sleep. We've been having issues with our heater, mainly that we can't get it to turn itself on when it gets too cold, so it just continues to get colder, so we have to turn it up really high if we actually want to heat the apartment, and last night holy fuck it was freezing, so we had it like all the way up. So then I wake up at 5, two hours before my alarm goes off, and of course now it's sweltering, but I don't want to touch the thermostat because I don't wan to put it down to far and then fuck it over again. And I guess that and a combination of a few other random things made it impossible for me to fall back asleep, so that was somewhat less than ideal, but oh well. Got ready for work and headed there, went to my supervisor and showed him my new fancy 711 license, who then had me show it to all the other attorneys on the calendar haha he's a nice guy. So he started talking about cases I could take, probably starting with permanency hearings because they're super easy, just status updates on cases after adjudication (and sometimes termination of parental rights) have taken place, so you're really just asking about the kid and the parent's progress, basic stuff. And he said I could probably second chair some other stuff and then work on it on my own, like temporary custody hearings, which again aren't terribly hard because the GAL doesn't have the burden of proof, and probably 95% of the time they're gonna side with the state. But it's all really exciting! I was looking at the license and it legit says I'm "temporarily licensed to practice law" and just !! That's so official!! I'm lawyering!! Actually practicing law and lawyering!! And I just, I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to get to this place. So, so many years saying I'm going to be a lawyer, I just have to get through this first. But now I'm here and I'm doing work I love so much, and I'm just so happy because I'm really just at peace with my life in a way I haven't been in a long time now. I'm just happy to be here and living my life and doing what I do, and that's such a wonderful feeling I can't really describe it. But, anyway. Despite the exciting start I didn't actually make it into a courtroom today, but instead got saddled with some other projects. I had some free time in the morning to hang out (read fanfiction) and then one of the lawyers on the calendar came in and pulled a couple files (there's like, mountains of files in my office, you basically have to step over them to get anywhere) from this case with like ten kids or something ridiculous like that in the system, and one of them who's aged out wants a copy of his birth certificate, and she doesn't think we have a copy of it, but wants me to look through all these files to make sure haha. I mean, not the most interesting work but I've definitely had worse. So I get to looking, stopping occasionally to read something that peaked my interest. There was one really concerning report I read, it wasn't about the kids whose file it was, but about a girl at the same residential facility one of them is in, and due to the nature of the problem a copy of it gets put in his file for safety/documenting reasons. And like, I've read a lot of residential facility horror stories, but this one definitely takes the cake. Now, the staff in these places and trained in certain restraints they sometimes have to use on kids who are just completely out of control, obviously it's a last last result and I'm not terribly fond of the idea, but at least if they're done correctly the kid won't get hurt. WELL. Apparently this one wasn't done correctly, because this poor girl ended up with her arm being broken in FOUR FUCKING PLACES. Like you could not make me more furious about this if you tried. Just....agh! This shit makes me so angry because it's putting kids who've been removed from their parents because of being in an abusive environment right back into an abusive environment at the hands of the state and the dollar of the taxpayer. Just...ugh. And of course this isn't her file so I don't get to see any of the follow up papers and find out what happened, just one sheet of paper that made me so goddamn furious. But, anyway. The rest of it was pretty basic and not very interesting. When I was just about done with those (birth certificate, unsurprisingly, nowhere in sight) another lawyer comes in and hands me a CD of medical records and asked if I could look through them for any mental health diagnoses for the mother. The state filed a termination petition, and one of the grounds you can use to terminate is that the parent is incapable of caring for the child because of mental illness. He said they only have it documented that she has depression, but he thinks it may have been depression with psychotic features and that obviously makes a much more convincing case, so I set to work with those. There were about 60 sets of records, ranging in size from 8 pages to 80 pages, so I went through them. Sad story, especially to read in reverse. The kid this petition is about was only born in January 2016, which is pretty fast moving for termination. But she had another child a year prior who was removed from her care at like two weeks old because, according to her, she was "feeding him orange juice" at two weeks old (and not because of malnutrition that was reported by the doctor). The kicker to that is that yet another year prior to that she had her first baby (or at least first she kept, there was one reference to her giving one up for adoption at birth but I didn't see anything else connected to it), who died at like 13 years old, because of malnutrition/SIDS/her rolling over on the baby in her sleep, depending on who you ask. So being that there already was a child death here they weren't taking any chances. So I looked through many records, which I don't really find boring because I'm actively looking for something so it keeps my mind occupied. Many many records, until I got back to right after her first baby died, and it had recordings of post-partum psychosis and severe depression with psychotic features. Bingo, that's what we needed. So that was good. Headed out at 5, hopped on the bus to the train and then the train from one courthouse to the next for trial advocacy tonight, which was pretty good. I got to be a witness this week, and you know I hamming it as a witness as much as possible and just making it hilarious for everyone, and the material here was so easy. It's some dumb contract case about this lady who signs a contract to buy a sports car but then the next day decides she wants a minivan so she calls to change it and they say they will, but then in two weeks they call saying the sports car was ready and they have no record of the contract modification, so my character wanted her minivan or her $2K deposit back. So given those facts, I decide the only plausible reason someone would want a sports car one day and a minivan the next day is that they're going through a midlife crisis, so I went for that angle and oh it was so easy. They do the introductory questions at first and ask about family, so I said I had a wonderful husband named Wadsworth and two beautiful sons named Mickey and Pluto (and of course say this with a completely straight face), because why the fuck not? Lol. So then I start talking about how I need this sexy sports car in my life so I go and find the best one, then the next day I realize if I try to drop Mickey off at soccer practice in that car all the soccer moms are going to go nuts, and I should really just accept that I'm a soccer mom and get the accompanying minivan 😂 I thought it was a pretty good strategy, and I think everyone else did too as observed by their reactions. So I had fun with that. After that I had to do a cross, which didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped just because their was some confusion about impeaching, but it turned out alright. We had the guy instructor this week who kept telling me I talk too fast (I'm from New York okay, it's what we do) so I apparently have to work on that, lol. But overall pretty good class. We get out and 8 and of course I "rush" home as much as one can while on public transportation, arriving a little after 9 and flipping on legends after trying to very nicely beg my roommate to let me use the tv. (which I felt like an asshole about because she was watching something, I just needed to see my show dammit!) So, the episode. I feel like I have a disconnect in my head between the excitement I get about new episodes versus the reality we actually get, and the reality can be somewhat underwhelming at times. But, that being said, I did enjoy the episode. Everything they did with the film students was a PERFECT parody, one someone can only learn from going to film school (we share a building with them and I hung out with pretty much all of them, so I was close enough) and Rip as "Phil" was just cracking me up, and I think I like him better than Rip haha 😂 I did like the moment he had with Sara in his old office in a very BROTP way of course, but it was sweet. Nate and Ray were hilarious, what giant dorks they are that they based their life choices around their favorite movies. I need to see an alternate reality where Nate is a yoga instructor, okay?? It needs to happen, stat. There's a lot I feel I can comment on but my eyes are closing quickly (see beginning of post) so I'll try to keep it brief. I'm not sure how I feel about the Mick and Stein plot, just because it felt pretty useless to come up with this whole thing with a device in his brain that could be causing this, then "oh, guess it wasn't that, oh well!" and Stein is basically like "we all hear different voices in our heads" because that's totally the same as visual and auditory hallucinations?? Come on bro, ya killing me here. I'm a little sad we didn't get to see any Snart in this episode, but I'm comforted by the fact that he will be coming back in actually alive form very soon...(or at least it better be real soon, or I'm gonna hurt someone, preferably the writers). Okay, last comment, the whole "let's break Rip out of jail with this crazy scheme" coupled with Merlyn and Darhk just going in there and start killing people were both sooooo overdramatic and unnecessary because they definitely could've bailed him out for like, 10 bucks. I mean come on, he's not even gonna get charged with anything, they don't have enough proof. I'm just saying, they really went overboard when they had an easy answer in the legal system, lol. Okay I'm done now. Tomorrow should be good, finally getting my haircut! And yes, eyes definitely want to be closed right now so I'm going to do that. Goodnight people. Be well.

#daily journal #January 2017 #rachel watches legends of tomorrow

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