#I’m not the same after the anni event they really went and made him better than he already is

[decembermoonskz]

I’ve been blessed for white day celebrations

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Thursday (Part 2)

Monday     Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: panic attacks, swearing, puking, concussions, mentions of injuries/bullying, homophobia

Word count: 5,138

After school, you were sitting on the couch as you furiously typed on your keyboard at an extremely fast pace. You were on a roll with these essays, they were probably going to be finished by the time you had to go back to the school to get on the bus with the team. You figured that you could even finish Annie’s essay and get started on Sammy’s US history presentation on the sociopolitical climate of the United States in the mid twentieth century to today. However, instead of covering a variety of topics like the rubric requested you to do, you were only going to talk about the significant events that happened to the LGBT+ community starting with Stonewall and going to Obergefell v. Hodges. You were also going to go in depth about how even if there are more opportunities available and more laws set in place to protect for LGBT+ people in the present then there were in past, members of the LGBT+ community still suffer heavy discrimination in the workplace and in the public. With receipts of course, the assignment required a minimum of three pictures per slide, and the group chat was a perfect source.

After that was done, you would email Sammy’s teacher (you had her last year for US history and you knew that she had a son in the grade below you currently transitioning from female to male) that you were the one that did her project and send screenshots of Sammy calling you slurs. Luckily for you, you had receipts of her being transphobic in the past that you could also send. Everything was effortlessly falling into place for you today. 

As you were typing, the front door swung open and two overly excited fifth graders ran into the house and up the stairs. A tired Schlatt followed them. “I will never know how the hell Phil keeps up with them.” 

“I dunno, maybe because he’s already raised three kids before.”

You watched as your uncle jumped and whipped his head over towards you, his hand clutching his chest. He lightly glared at you, “christ kid don’t do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

You smirked at him before turning back to your laptop to continue typing the essay. You were almost done with the conclusion paragraph on Annie’s essay and you wanted to get to Sammy’s presentation as fast as possible. As you were typing, you felt a warm air fan across your neck and your uncle’s voice right next to your ear, “whatcha typin?”

You lept off the couch and almost fell into the coffee table before steadying yourself and deadpanning at Schlatt. “I was typing an essay before you interrupted me.”

He snorted, “it looked like you were on a roll, just thought I’d see what my beloved niece was writing. Can I read it?” 

Your eyes lit up as an excited grin split your cheeks, “yeah, but lemme catch you up real quick. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie got mad at me a few days ago and wanted me to do some homework for them as a sort of payment. But after they pulled that little stunt in the lunchroom yesterday, they decided to be little bitches to me and call me slurs. So naturally, I decided to change the essay prompt into an in depth analysis about discrimination LGBT people face from their peers on the daily. My english teacher’s really against homophobia and the project’s worth twenty five percent of our overall grade, so it’s perfect.”

While you were rambling on and on about your detailed plot for revenge, Schlatt couldn’t help but be proud of the person you’d become. A major part of him was impressed that you came up with a detailed plan so quickly, that meant that his cunning nature was rubbing off on you and that made him ecstatic. Sure you mentioning not being straight was new to him, but he was prepared to accept you for whatever you identified as. He didn’t care how people identified, he just cared if they were good people. And his niece was one of the best kids he knew. He’d let your slip up slide for now until you felt comfortable enough to properly come out to him. 

“That an amazing plan, fuckin brilliant. Though, you could do more.”

That piqued your interest, “I’m listening.”

“Do you have any blackmail?”

Your eyes glinted with sudden understanding, “why yes I do, uncle dearest. I just so happen to have thousands of texts from them talking shit about each other and basically the entire school. And them being incredibly racist. They would be destroyed if that came out.” 

“Two things. One, never call me that again. Two, perfect. Keep it as leverage if they try to do something. You don’t pull out all the good cards in the first round, you wait for the right moment to strike so you can win. You need to constantly defend yourself against other players and anticipate their every move. If you leak everything right now, you won’t have anything to use against them if they have something up their sleeve you didn’t know about. Patience is key in things like this.”

You absorbed every single word that came out of his mouth like it was the holy gospel. Although he was your uncle and you loved him with all your heart, but he was a sly bastard when he wanted to be. He knew his way around fighting and manipulating people just right, so you were incredibly happy that you were on his good side and he absolutely adored you. Though questionable and morally gray, he was giving you advice because he cared about you and you’d be an idiot to not heed his advice. 

“That’s genius, Uncle Schlatt. What would I do without you?”

“You’d get along just fine without me, you would’ve gotten there eventually. You’re smart. I’m just givin you a little push in the right direction.”

“I honestly would’ve never thought about waiting, I was so dead set on getting revenge that I would’ve just leaked everything all at once. I want them to feel how I felt when they were around me. I-” you paused. Would this make you the same as them? You’d be screwing up all their grades, Adrian’s job, and Sammy’s athletic career. You came to the chilling realization that you’d be the same as them. You’d be as manipulative as they were. “...Uncle Schlatt, would that make me the same as them?”

“Fuck no! You’re always gonna be better than them no matter what. When they’re at their best, you’re always gonna be a whole lot better than them. They deserve what’s happening to them, it sounds like they put you through so much shit the past few years. I actually think you could do a whole lot worse to them if you’re willing to put more work in, but it’s your plan and if you think that what you’re doing is too much,” he darkly chuckled, “you wouldn’t like my idea.”

“You’re right, they deserve everything I have planned for them. God, I don’t know what I was thinking, ‘would that make me the same as them,’” you mocked what you said earlier, “what a load of shit. Anyways, thanks Uncle Schlatt. I’m gonna get back to writing this. They’re due tomorrow and I wanna finish as much as I can before I have to go.”

“Alright, whaddya want for dinner? Phil’s gonna be like thirty minutes late from work so I’m cookin tonight.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no. That man can barley cook boxed mac n cheese, let alone anything else. He’d burn down the house if you left him alone in the kitchen with the stove. “On second thought, why don’t I help you with dinner? We can make some chicken alfredo.”

“Awe, you’d rather hang out with me than finish your homework? Ya really do love me. C’mon let’s start.”

The process of making dinner was… interesting. Multiple times, Schlatt almost spilled boiling water on himself and he even managed to burn the pasta while it was in the water. How he even managed to do that you’d never find out, you had your back turned cutting up vegetables and herbs at the time. That was when you subtly started to take over in the kitchen, giving him smaller tasks while you handled everything else. You felt bad for Tubbo, his father can’t cook for shit. 

By time you finished, about an hour passed and Philza had come home and changed out of his work clothes. The two adults sat at the table discussing something that you didn’t pay attention to while your brothers and cousin were in the living room waiting for you to finish dinner. Finally, you set the table and it was time to eat. 

Because you couldn’t have many fatty foods before any matches or practices, you had made a separate plate for yourself that only had plain pasta, chicken, and broccoli. You were surprised with how well it turned out, you were following an iffy recipe you found on the first link Google brought up. 

After dinner, you went upstairs to put your uniform on and pack a little bag full of things you might need: a small blanket, some snacks, a water bottle, and a portable charger. Oh, and fuzzy socks and a pair of crocs. You could never go wrong with fuzzy socks and crocs. Feeling a vibration in your pocket, you pulled out your phone.

Hales : )

(Y/n), I’m omw to your house

Gonna give you a ride to the school

(Y/n)

Hales you don’t have to give me a ride, I can drive

Hales : )

Don’t care

Omw, be there in like 7 mins

You swiped out of yours and her conversation and opened up the family group chat

(Y/n)

I don’t need a ride to the school, Haley’s giving me one

She’s gonna give me a ride home too

Dadza

Alright, thank her for me

Tell her I said good luck too!

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

Dadza

(Y/n), do everything he wouldn’t do

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck you I’m a good influence

Dadza

You’re really not

Wilby

^^^^

Technology Sword

^

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck all of you 

You heard Haley’s car pull into the driveway and dashed out of your room with your bag. Just as you put your hand on the doorknob, a hand stopped you.

“Coat.”

You grumbled as you reached past Philza to grab your coat. After you slipped it on, you were pulled into a hug. “You’re gonna do great out there. I know you’re gonna win this, we’ll be watching in the stands.”

“Damn right she’s gonna do good, she’s my niece after all.”

Schlatt pulled you away from your father’s hug and tried to ruffle your hair before you swatted away his hand, “don’t. You have no idea how long it took me to get a perfect ponytail. I have an ungodly amount of hairspray and bobby pins in my hair right now.”

“Fine. You’re gonna kick their asses tonight.”

Tommy and Tubbo pushed past Schlatt and both tackled you into a hug making you stumble slightly back. 

“Kick their asses good (y/n)!” Tommy cheered, making you crack up before one stern glance from Philza completely stopped you. “Tommy, don’t say that. (Y/n), not funny.”

“Alright, Haley’s waiting for me. I gotta go, love you guys!” As you turned to walk through the door, you could hear your family following you and shouting “good luck”. You felt heat creep up on your cheeks as Haley rolled down her window and wove at your family with the biggest grin on her face. 

“Thank you! We’re gonna take home the gold for sure!”

You hopped in her car as she rolled up the window and chuckled. “I love your family, they’re always so full of energy. It’s refreshing to see compared to how boring my family is.”

You glanced at your entire family gathered on the front porch. Tommy and Tubbo were practically vibrating with excitement, Wilbur and Techno calmly smiled and wove at you, Philza was grinning widely at you as you saw his mouth forming words that you couldn’t hear or read, and Schlatt was grinning cheekily at you. You raised your hand to wave at them as they vanished from view when Haley pulled out of your driveway. You smiled softly, “I love em too.”

The car ride was relatively quick with the same soft indie pop music floating from the speakers and an easy going conversation with Haley about the match tonight. You both thought that you could beat the other team if everyone focused 100% and played exactly like you guys did in practices. If everyone did that, you would be unstoppable. 

Luckily for you and Haley, you were the first ones in line to board the bus so you two got the back seat with Zara and Jazzy sitting across from you guys. The hour long bus ride passed quickly and lively with you four passing around your phone and playing some mad libs, you were sure that by the end of the last game you four were laughing and crying. Sometime in the middle of the trip, you noticed that Haley would start to lean on your shoulder and continuously glance at you as she laughed. You desperately wanted to believe that it was because she liked you, but she was straight and she was your best friend. She was probably trying to make sure you were having a good time. 

When the team had gotten to the opposing school and left the locker room to stretch in the gym, you could hear your family start to scream your and Haley’s names from the front row next to you, Tommy and Tubbo being the loudest amongst them with Philza trying to get them to quiet down so you could focus. You felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at them and Haley wove enthusiastically back at them. Zara was laughing at you two. Stretching went by in a flash and before you knew it, you were on the court facing the opposing team. 

The first match was won by the opposing team by five points. The second match stretched on and on until it was won by your team narrowly by two points. The team was going to have to shape up in the third match if you guys wanted a chance at winning, the opposing team was good. Before the third match started, Coach Williams called for a time out so you guys could talk about strategy. Before Haley could go back onto the court, you pulled her aside.

“Hales, we need to do what we practiced. The other team won’t be expecting it at all, I’ve been setting you up this entire game. They’re never going to expect you setting me up for a spike.”

“When are we going to do it though? We need a better plan.”

“I’m sure the opportunity will come and both of us will recognize it. We just can’t do it too early in the game though, that’ll ruin their surprise.”

“(Y/n), I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“When do I not Hales? We gotta get gold this year.”

The third round went by with both teams constantly swapping places until you both were tied fifteen to fifteen. You saw the ball flying towards Haley, giving her the perfect opportunity to set you up for a spike.  “HALEY NOW!” 

You watched as her face hardened in determination as she pretended like she was going to spike it by jumping high in the air and stretching her arms back, making the opposing front row players all gather in front of her. Much to their surprise, she launched it towards you as you leaped up and went for the kill. The stinging of the ball hit by your wrist and the smack sound the ball made when it slammed onto the open gym floor was something you’d never forget as the crowd around you went wild over the unexpected play. You could hear the high pitched screaming of Tommy and Tubbo over everybody else. Glancing at them over your shoulder, you saw them jumping up and down on the gym floor and looking at you with awe filled eyes and gaping mouths. The rest of your family looked at you with similar expressions, their cheers echoing in your mind. Winking at them, you turned back to your team and went straight to Haley. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, you pulled her into a quick hug, yelling over the raving of the crowd. “HALEY WE NAILED THAT!” 

“HOLY SHIT I DID NOT THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY GONNA WORK!”

“You have such little faith in your setter! You wound me Hales.”

“Well, I would have more faith in you if you weren’t chaotic on the court, sweetheart.”

You felt yourself surge in happiness at the nickname, but you couldn’t afford to focus too much on it. Your team only needed one more point to win best in the state and go to nationals. It would be the first time in your team’s history if you reached national level, and you’d be damned if you were the one to screw it up for them. 

The last rotation went on for a while, each team fighting tooth and nail for the state championship title with clashing determination. You tried your best to block every hit and try to set Haley up for a spike, and you were successful for the most part, only missing a few blocks. You saw the setter adjacent to you set the spiker up for a spike and jumped up in time to try to block it, your arms stretched upwards and your palms out. Only, the ball didn’t hit your hands. It collided painfully with your nose, ricocheted off your face with a thwack and sailed over to the other side of the court. Your head whipped back as your body followed suit and flew backwards onto the floor. Without giving you any time to react, your head bounced back and cracked against the polished hardwood floor of the gym. Everything went black. 

“...(y……”

“..(y/n)......”

“(Y/n).”

You faintly heard someone calling someone’s name over the continuous ringing noise. Was it your name? It felt right, so it had to be your name. You peeled your eyes open to see a blurry figure hovering over you. It was swirled with tans, browns, and backs. After a while of the figure repeating your name, it slowly became more recognizable, albeit appearing twice in your vision. It took you a while to figure out who this was before your muddled brain recognized Haley.

“Hales! There’s two o’ya. Twice as beautiful babe…” You slurred out as you attempted to smile at her.

“Oh thank god, PLEASE WE NEED A DOCTOR SHE HIT HER HEAD!” Her usually angelic voice gritted against your brain like sandpaper making you cringe as pain exploded in your head.

“God babe you’re so loud, why’s so bright? I-wha's goin on?” You blearily tried to move your head to look around only to be stopped by a pair of large hands on each side of your head gently holding it in place. You moved your laggy eyes around to look at the figure. He was a blonde man with blue eyes and a hint of stubble on his chin. His eyebrows were knitted together and he looked… he looked… your brain worked to figure out why he looked how he looked. Who was he?

“Please don’t move hun.” His muffled voice was baritone. You squinted at him trying to figure out who this man was.

“Who th f-fuck… why?”

“I’m your dad hun. Do-do you not recognize me?” You made a noise in the back of your throat as your stuffy brain finally put a name to the face.

“Dad- wha’s goin on? I’on feel so good…”

“Shh, I know, I know. Just stop moving and talking. Everything’s fine. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Mmk… Dad, where are we? I’ont know- you’re so quiet.”

“Stop moving so much. You’re on the floor in a gym. You just won your team the state championship. Now stop talking please.”

Huh. So that’s why everybody seemed to appear from above you. You strained your eyes to look around you, but you could only see your dad’s face hovering above you. “Shit I- who’s aroun’ me? Where’s Hales?”

“I’m right here sweetheart. I got the doctor, Mr. Minecraft.”

Your dad’s face moved away from your vision so fast that it made your head spin and your stomach twist. Another face appeared above you that you once again didn’t recognize.

“I’m Doctor Martin, can you tell me your first and last name?”

“Uh, (y/n) Minecraft?”

“Good, what month are we in right now?”

“Nov-November?”

“Close, it’s late October. Can you tell me who this,” he pointed to your dad, “is?”

“S’my dad Phillip.”

“That’s your dad Philza.”

The questioning stopped as he suddenly shined a blinding light into your sensitive eyes. You hissed as you tried to move your head away from the offending light only to be held in place by your dad’s hands. Your head spun as you moved too quickly and a wave of nausea hit you, making you groan and move your arm to cover your eyes. Your hand was stopped by something warm and soft wrapping around it and holding it tightly. Everything was so overwhelmingly and painfully bright and loud. You wanted to make it stop. 

“Mr. Minecraft, your daughter appears to have a concussion. I don’t have the tools on hand to determine the severity of it, but it’s worrying that her pupils are asymmetrical, she’s delirious, and has slight memory loss. I understand you live about an hour away from here, and it’s alright for you to take her to a hospital closer to your house. Make sure you keep her alert.”

Your delirious mind only registered about half of what came out of the doctor’s mouth. You mumbled gibberish as you once again opened your eyes to look around. You were only briefly able to crane your neck to the left. Several figures large and small were standing behind your dad. Your family, your mind supplemented. Slowly, your mind was starting to recognize your surroundings even if there was currently double of everything and everything was blurry.

“I’m going to help you stand up. Do ya think you can do that?”

“Yeah Dad.” You lifted your upper body off from the ground with a gentle hand on your back helping you sit up. Fighting the wave of nausea that slapped you in the face, you reached up to rub at your eyes. A hand once again stopped you. You peeked your eyelids open and lightly glared at whomever stopped you. “Hales you’re lucky you’re so cute I woulda slapped you. I like holdin but you’re bein annoying. Stop.” You attempted to make your voice sound firm, but the words that came out of your mouth were slightly slurred.

She was silent as she helped her dad haul you to your feet. Once on your feet, you saw the room spin and felt yourself start to sway slightly. An arm wrapped itself around your shoulders and pulled you close to them so that your weight was supported. They were a little taller than you were making it easy to lean on them. 

“...Can you walk?” A deep, monotone voice rumbled the chest of the person you were leaning against. 

“Mhm. ‘M not weak.” Though your limbs felt like they were made of molasses, you placed one foot in front of the other slowly. The person moved alongside you, “you’re doing so good, keep going.” That sparked familiarity in you as you stopped in your tracks and tried to look up at the person you were leaning against making the person tighten their arm around your shoulders when you almost fell over.

“Tech?”

“Yeah, it’s Technoblade. Just focus on walking. You’re almost out of the gym.”

When you realized that you were out of the gym, you sighed in relief. It was so much quieter and darker. Though it was still relatively bright, it was better than the gym. 

“S’better.”

“When we get her to the car we can give her some sunglasses or something if it’s still too bright for her.”

“Wilbs-”

“Focus on walking.”

You huffed in irritation, “don’ tell me what to do bitch.”

You felt Techno’s body jolt slightly as he chuckled, making your head throb at the sudden movement. “Just walk.”

When you walked outside, you shivered as you felt the cool air nip at your exposed skin. Right, you were in your volleyball uniform. “I’ll go pull the car around, you guys stay with her.” 

You saw a tall brunet start to walk away from you. Uncle Splat? Uncle Schmat? Whatever his name was, you were sure he was your uncle. You tried to snuggle closer to Techno, craving warmth but never being satisfied. Where was your uncle? 

After a while, you saw a car moving towards you and blinding light pointed right at you making you cringe away and groan. Techno started to slowly walk towards the car. “C’mon (y/n), you’re almost there. When you’re in the car you can relax.”

“Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno, you’re in the back row. Schlatt can drive and Wil, you’re taking the passenger seat. I’ll stay with her in the middle row so she can have some room to lay down.” Tommy and Tubbo were with you? Why weren’t they talking, they usually were very vocal.

“Tom, Tubbs didja like the game?”

They didn’t say anything as they climbed into the car. Did they not hear you? 

“They’re just… tired (y/n).” Your dad’s voice reassured you as he took Techno’s place holding you up. 

“I wanna nap. ‘M so tired.”

“You can’t sleep yet. We gotta get you to a doctor first.”

“Mm. Makes sense.”

“Let’s get you in the car hun.”

As he helped you climb into the car, you felt an overwhelming wave of nausea wash over you making you lose your balance and almost faceplant into the cloth seats. You felt yourself being gently, yet urgently taken out of the car and led to grass as you felt your esophagus shorten. Something burning made its way up your throat and spewed into the grass. You felt someone rubbing your back as you puked up your dinner. 

When you were done, you reached up with a shaking hand to wipe your mouth. “You feelin better? Think you can get back into the car or do you need to sit down for a bit?”

“Car.”

After some difficulty, you were successfully in the middle row of the car laying down with your head on Philza’s lap. Soon enough, your shoes were taken off and a blanket was draped over you. 

“(Y/n), what do you remember?”

You scrunched up your face as you squinted at Philza’s face. “I remember playing volleyball with Hales. She’s so pretty, she’s straight though. I remember the other team hitting the ball, me jumping, then nothin. Wha’ happened?”

You watched as Philza winced, “well, you got everything right so far. You got hit in the face with the ball so you fell and hit your head on the floor. You were passed out for a minute before you woke up. It was a pretty nasty fall, we’re going to the hospital now. How’re ya feelin?”

“Head hurts, ‘m seein two of everything, an I can’t think.”

“Do you know what a concussion is?” You nodded in his lap slightly, “you probably have one.”

After a while of talking, you were slowly starting to come to your senses and your speech was clearing up, but your head was still too stuffy to think about what you were saying before you said it. You didn’t have a filter.

“Do you wanna tell us about your week so far? Do you remember most of it?”

“Mhm, it was shit. On Monday I had a panic attack and Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were being bitches to me all day. They fucked up my back. On Tuesday, they got mad at me for ditching them and they had me do their homework, had another panic attack, and Haley told me that someone took pictures of our boobs ‘n stuff and they were gonna leak it to the school if Haley didn’t stop hanging out with me. Haley and I almost kissed, but she’s straight. Pulled an all nighter and Wednesday I accidentally came out to Tech and Wil and had another panic attack. Annie, Adrian, and Sammy took more pictures of me through my window, Annie outed me to the entire school and slapped me. Another panic attack, skipped the last two classes and felt like shit the entire practice. Today Adrian and Sammy told me to kill myself and I had another panic attack. ’S about it.”

As you were going through your week, the hand that was previously gently stroking your hair had frozen as the car was enveloped in a tense silence. Luckily, Tommy and Tubbo were passed out in the back seat so they didn’t hear how bad your week was. Everyone awake knew that you had a few bad days this week, but they didn’t know the full extent of it. You watched as Philza’s expression had turned downright murderous, but you didn’t really care. You were busy talking about your week.

For the rest of the car ride, Philza asked you simple questions like what your favorite color was, your favorite animal, basically your favorite everything. Eventually, the car pulled into the hospital parking lot and Philza helped you get out of the car. “Schlatt, can you take the boys home so they can get some rest? I’ll stay with her.” 

“Yeah, I’m on it. Don’t cause too much trouble (y/n), we all know you can raise hell.” He watched you for a reaction, but when you didn’t react, he coughed. “Well, I’ll see ya later kid. Good luck.”

The car drove off leaving you and Philza at the front of the emergency room building. “It’s gonna be a long night (y/n).”

“I gotta finish Annie’s essay and Sammy’s presentation though.”

“No you don’t, I’ll email your teachers.”

You two checked in with the front desk before moving to sit on the uncomfortable chairs. It was going to be a long night. You were so tired.

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[oskarwing]

I really wanna talk about the parent child relationships in Midnight Mass

I’m not sure if I’m good at writing this sorta Meta but here goes nothing. Very many spoilers follow.

Let’s start with the adults: 

First we have Erin who suffered so much at the hands of her mother and later because of her mother’s abuse. We don’t get much detailed info on Peggy Greene but from what we can gather she was a lot like Beverly Keane, who seemed to idolize her (though that probably got easier for her after Peggy was gone), in her self-righteous over-pious manner. She just happened to be Beverly with an alcohol problem and a daughter who she could take all her anger at life for not working out her way for God loving her just the same as everybody else out. The dove scene is really such a good scene. But Erin was stronger than her mother, stronger than the abuse that was about to repeat itself and when she found out that she would have a child of her own she left and tried her best to give her kid a better life than the one she had. And she found the strength I think with the help of the same God her mother most likely used as legitimation for her abuse (don’t get me wrong I believe it was Erin’s own strength but she also clearly found something in religion that helped her gather it) and it helped her to carve out a path for herself and her unborn child.  

Sarah’s relationship to her parents is such an interesting one because we get to see the end of it. The man who she believed to be her father has been dead for a long while and her mother is suffering through the late stages of dementia. And Sarah showed up for it. As a doctor she most likely knew what would be happening as soon as Mildred started to show the first symptombs but she wasn’t going to leave her mother. That kind of care for an elderly parent shows something that is proven in Mildred’s character time and time again: She is a very devoted parent and the love between mother and daughter flows both ways in every scene they are in together, after the birth of her daughter her world turned around Sarah and she loved her with all she had. There are a few scenes that show that Mildred’s understanding of the duty she felt towards her family came from the old values of her time. She wouldn’t have taken off with John and their child not for a lack of love but because in those times, in catholism still at least where I’m from, you can’t just marry a priest. You can’t just have a child with a priest eventhough you’re married and then fuck off with him. As a woman, as a wife and mother you have to stand with your husband, stand with your child and you have to stop running after fantasies I’m sure Mildred had. I’m saying this all from her perspective btw, I don’t necessarily think running away with John, in the way he wished to, would have been good for Sarah but honesty might have been and her old fashioned values were also what kept her from being truly honest with her daughter.  To John on the other hand Sarah is a fantasy, a dream he couldn’t reach. His daughter, his baby, so close and yet so far away getting to watch her grow into an adult but never being able to really be her father as in her Dad instead of her priest. And it’s painful to him, he clearly loved Mildred, loved Sarah but he was also kinda selfish in his love that in the end took Sarah away. At first he isolated his child by starring at her giving her the creeps and the feeling that she had done something wrong that he knew she was gay and dissaproved and then he took it upon himself to ‘cure’ Mildred in the same way he was. Sarah wanted to take care of her mother wanted to be there for her in those final months and John decided it was up to him to give Mildred a youth potion to make it so she’d never die. And with that he took away from Sarah what is without doubt a hard but for many people a very important last part of the relationship between child and parent. John was a complicated man and would maybe have been a great Dad he certainly showed a lot of fatherly love for his altar boys but he couldn’t have the family in the way he fantasized about and in the end it was that fantasy that made him act the way he did.   

Riley Flynn causes his parents a lot of pain. Him killing that girl in the beginning, his alcoholism, him simply not liking the place, the home they build for themselves through hard work causes the Annie and Ed so much pain and financial loss and you can see how tired they are, how much guilt they feel for failing their son. Ed calls out his own guilt and says that he doesn’t belive it could be Annie’s fault because ‘your mother’s a saint’ but what I truly love about Annie and Ed Flynn is that they both aren’t saints. As a mother Annie is very much overprotective and suffocating, wanting to keep her children on crocket island and hating the notion that they might leave her, even though she is kind and sweet and loving. And while Ed seems rather checked out as a father but he is the more honest parent, never talking down to Riley and telling him as it is, telling him about the pain he caused him while also admitting to the guilt he feels. The Flynns are flawed people even in their religious practice (I think the way Annie speaks about Ali showing up at church when Hassan seemed to be nothing but nice to her spoke very loudly to the fact that Annie is rather misguided sometimes) but they are good people at the core of it and their parenting might have been part of Riley’s way into alcoholism but it wasn’t only them. There were things they couldn’t change and things they had no influence over like his heart being broken by Erin running away, the sort of people he went out on parties with and so many other things...  Yes, they may have shaped their son in a way that made him vulnerable to addiction and the party scene of the stock and tech market and brought him to the point where he killed a child but it doesn’t happen through parenting alone and they also shaped him in the good ways. Him not losing himself when Pruitt changes him, him being brave enough to warn Erin, him standing up for what he believes in those things were also shaped by Ed and Annie. They are one of the best example of flawed but good hearted Christians I have seen in recent media and their portrayal was one of the most heartbreaking ones. 

Now the kids: 

Let’s start with Leeza. Little Leeza Scarborough who before it comes to her wonder gets treated with pity and overprotectiveness from her parents and the island community at large. Leeza was injured by Joe Collie transforming him into the island’s villain and her into the ever present victim.  What happened to her is without a doubt horrible and I understand why Wade and Dolly started to become these overprotective parents, why they were so easily sucked in to John’s and Bev’s scheme. Their little girl was almost taken from them eventhough Wade is the mayor, one of the most powerful people on the island he had no influence over what happened to Leeza even was the one who took her out that day and what followed the accident was as we can gather from their conversation with Sarah a lot of pain and financial burden though they say they would have done it all over for Leeza. In fact a lot of places in crockett island are wheelchair accesible and I am sure that Wade as mayor made it so (I can’t really imagine that a small place like the island was very inclusive though I may be wrong).  After Leeza is healed they don’t want to question in don’t want to think about what might have been the cause for it. In fact they stop questioning anything after that point, after Leeza walks again they are completely vulnerable to Bev’s manipulation and them letting that happen, them just going along with everything, Wade protecting John after he kills Joe long after Leeza forgave him and with her forgiveness send Joe on a better path is what in the end makes them lose her. Because Leeza isn’t that little victim who needs pity and help, she is a strong minded, strong willed young woman with a lot of wit who similar to Erin finds strength in her faith but in a way that isn’t devotion without question and when the Easter vigil is held she doesn’t follow her parents eventhough she loves them deeply. She forgives them I think, because that’s what Leeza’s character is about in it’s core but her parents were two of the instigators behind what happened on the island, without Wade’s protection John and Bev couldn’t have come as far as they did and they put their trust in them because they loved their daughter so much they didn’t stop to question if maybe what made Leeza walk again was also a bad thing. 

Ali and Hassan don’t have it easy and I as a white person really can’t speak much on the racism and religious discrimination they face.  I can say this I think: The first line spoken about Ali before we even really get to look at him is “You didn’t invite Aladin” and already sets us up for what both of them know: They are the outsiders. Not only because they just moved to the island but also because in their faith they are different from their peers and religion can often be a community building event for people before it is anything else. Ali starts balming his father a little for that, for not trying to fit in more with the community, for moving after his mother’s death and then not trying to be closer to the people around them and for the pain all the pain the two of them went through before Crockett island. It isn’t oly peer pressure though of course that brings Ali to St Patrick’s. Sure, Ali wanted to be part of the community but also desperately wanted to believe that there was a devine power who could if he just did it (it meaning faith) the right way he might find a way to avoid the pain of his parents. Hassan knew that and he warned him that that wasn’t how it worked. Hassan was a protective Dad and maybe he overdid it from time to time but his worries were never without reason, his need to keep his son safe from a world that hated him for a crime that happened when he wasn’t even born yet never unfounded and him wanting to make sure his kid kept the memory of his mother alive never anything but the wish of a griefing man and loving father. In the end when they pray together there is peace in them. They face their ends with the dignity Ali’s mother would have wished for and they face it as father and son. While Beverly the true religious terrorist of the story burns away without it. 

Warren is the youngest Flynn and it is never directly stated yet omnipresent that his coming of age happens in the shadow of his older brother’s mistake.  Annie warns him away from drinking when he goes out he in fact doesn’t drink. He never drinks because of what his brother did.  Warren would have been 12 when Riley killed that girl and so he would have seen and felt what his brother’s actions did to his parents fully without being yet old enough to maybe see the nuance.  Annie and Ed probably try to right the wrong they believe to have done in parenting Riley with Warren and that’s a lot for a kid. I do think it’s pretty usual that parents of multiple children especially when there’s a larger age gap try to do better with the younger children, but that isn’t fair is it?  Warren is his own person not a second chance to do it over.  And yet seemingly he does what is asked of him. He’s alter boy, he’s charming and helpful and sweet, he doesn’t drink (even when he does smoke pot) and he helps his father where he can with his work.  But in the end he feels guilty because he thinks he wasn’t enough and says at that last dinner he would have been different if he had known he wouldn’t see his family again. But Leeza is right they know and they love him and Warren deserved to not be perfect all the time. 

Littlefoot saved Erin and Erin payed her back with all the love she had. She was never born but she gave her mother the strength and willpower to leave.  In her speech to Joe Leeza said he reached through time and took things from her she didn’t even know she had yet.When Erin left her husband she reached through time and saved Littlefoot from a childhood like hers and when John gave Erin the angel’s vampire’s blood he reached through time and took away her child, a child who would have been loved and cared for. A child with an amazing mother and probably a great step-dad.  Littlefoot’s story is tragic because she never got one. 

[pleasantanathema]

Graves into Gardens | Reiner Braun x Reader | Chapter Six

Chapter Six: Revelations 

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ Only)

Warnings: Modern AU, spoilers up to season four, slight manga spoilers (only by including characters met later), captivity, mentions of death, violence enemies to lovers, angst, and eventual smut (ohohoho we’re so hot on it now, just wait until the end of this one)

Word Count: 5k

A/N: Thank you so, so much to everyone who has left comments, screamed in reblog tags, and just encouraged me to create this story. I have never felt so much love for a fic in the time I’ve been writing.

This chapter reveals a lot, and it’s a little longer than the rest, but it’s for good reason- the end of this is one of my favorite things I’ve written.

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        Reiner’s apartment truly wasn’t much. You thought he’d been joking, perhaps was even being humble, but the small studio apartment was quite dismal. The walls were stark white, a few faded posters peeling off the wall from neglect, a couple of medals and trophies lining a small bookshelf that was bursting with paperbacks and notebooks. A simple bed with a royal blue comforter and overstuffed pillows, the most compact L-shaped couch in front of a tv, and a corner dominated by a desk with two monitors and stacks of documents, manila envelopes, and crates of papers crammed below.

        A kitchenet that looked hardly used was tucked away in another corner, the entryway to a small bathroom right near it.

        There was truly nothing worth looking twice at, save a handful of framed photos scattered around. 

        You’d taken it all in rather hurriedly, still out of breath from practically running through snowy alleyways, the developing snowstorm covering the land like fresh linen. There was a window near his bed, which you gravitated toward after kicking off your damp boots by the door. Not much a view, either. Just more desolate, brick buildings and a sorry looking street below.

        He told you once that he didn’t grow up with much, and it unfortunately seemed like despite joining the ranks of the military, he was still left with close to nothing.

        “What are we here for?”

        He was busy toiling with the thermostat, thick fingers mashing against the heat button to try to warm the small box of an apartment.

        “You won’t like it,” he grumbled, golden eyes glancing over to you with a tinge of regret painting his brow.

        “Then why bring me?”

        “Because you need to see it.”

        You tucked your hands under your arms, the chill of the winter’s day finally settling into your bones.

        You watched keenly as he shrugged off his snow laden jacket, hanging it by the door before promptly locking it. He seemed as out of breath as you were, nose red from the cold, hands shaking as he fumbled with his phone. You bit the inside of your cheek with impatience, a small flame of ire licking its way into your chest.

        Bringing you out here could get you killed. He knew that, right? Of course he did, but he did it anyways. Surely this matter of seemingly great importance could’ve been fetched by one of his comrades. You hadn’t quite considered the danger leaving the headquarters could bring upon you until you were dashing through the streets, the heavy paw of Reiner’s hand squeezing around your wrist. At one point in time, he’d shoved you back down another corridor, shielding you with the size of his body as particular caravan of cars turned down the roadway. He seemed to fear any pair of government eyes spying you.

        He always was so careless.

        He was busy texting someone, still standing idle, lip worried between his teeth.

        Must be the girl you ran into that’s giving him a headache. He probably thought he could slip out and back again without a soul noticing, without anyone giving him grievance, but that bright eyed little cousin of his had ruined that. She’d been so excited to see him; he probably hadn’t been to see his family quite a while, seeing that he was on guard duty after his last mission. 

        How many days had it been since you’d been here? You’d honestly lost track of time, your world feeling like it had been caught in a slow turn of molasses. A few seconds could feel like hours, days felt like minutes, every heartbeat felt like it could be your last. You tried to add it all up in your head, eyes closing as you replayed all the events that led to you standing in Reiner Braun’s home in Marley.

        A week and a half, you surmised. But it could be a little more, a little less. You think you would have kept your eyes on the sun a little more acutely, seeing that you’d missed it rise and fall for at least two days when you were bound in that cell.

        “Are you alright?”

        For a moment, you thought you had spoken the words. You were thinking them, but he asked you instead.

        “That’s a loaded question,” you looked back down to the street, catching the sight of a line of what appeared to be school children marching in tandem down the sidewalk, snow in their hair and happiness on their faces, “but for the moment, I’m okay.”

        Reiner pulled his lips to the side, considering your words. Maybe it hadn’t dawned on him that you couldn’t have been in any state of ease since you’d been promptly abducted and plopped down in this new world to navigate.

        “Are you alright?” You encored, observing how his worried thumbs were still fast against the screen.

        “Have I ever been?”

        You made at face at that reply, corners of your mouth turning down while your shoulders shrugged. Fair enough. 

        Though, for the first time, a bit of pity crept into your mind. Reiner didn’t really ask for this life, did he? He was doing whatever he could to get by, fallen rather inelegantly into the position of being sent to Paradis, and was now being handed you to watch over, presumably without his full consent. You were both pawns in this world, kings and rooks dominating the board and playing you both for fools.

        Being a Scout hadn’t been your intention, either. You’d once had other dreams: college, a career, a family, but you’d been grandfathered into the role by your government working parents, and cemented into it when they’d died. You had nothing else to do, so you served. You served your country, your friends, but you also served yourself, using the role to keep your life afloat, even if it sometimes meant spilling the lifeblood of others, even if it meant sacrificing aspirations and settling. Though, you would admit that some rather beautiful things managed to bloom from the barren soil. Regrettably, those had all been left behind, washed away by tides you couldn’t control.

        “I’m sorry,” Reiner grunted, sinking into the cushions of the couch, “she—she already opened her mouth. I’ve gotten Annie to settle things at HQ, but I imagine Chief is still furious.”

        “Is it such a bad thing to take me out here? I mean, you could easily stop me if I tried to run away.” 

        “Could I?”

        You debated his question. While you were quite nimble, you’d be like a rat in a maze trying to find a way out of this god forsaken place.

        “If I let you,” you reasoned, a tinge of humor behind your words.

        He smiled, all warm and soft, full lips parting. The realization that you hadn’t seen him smile in years pummeled into your chest like a heavy hand stealing from your lungs. It made the sorrow that much more palpable.

        “For the record, Zeke is more upset I didn’t ask permission. He’s hellbent on his authority.”

        “So I’ve noticed.”

        You also pinpointed something else of note, a picture glinting on his nightstand catching your attention.

        It resembled the same one you’d seen on Zeke’s desk, only now you could make out the faces. Reiner didn’t pay you any mind as you reached for the framed memory, plucking it from its home, dust from the back of it staining your fingers. 

        A red booth housed five familiar faces, all grinning over half-drank pints of beer. Their arms were interlocked around each other’s shoulders, all the men young and handsome, Reiner and Bertholdt even more youthful than when they’d first walked through the doors of the Scout Office. Then there was Zeke seated next to Porco, the latter in that green jacket you’d seen him in earlier. But your eyes were set on a face you’d never thought you’d see again, a face that possessed the very recesses of your mind, only appearing late at night when you’d see it in corners, catch it lingering behind your eyelids. He was attractive, appeared personable, messy dark hair and distinct brow that matched the boy next to him.

        “Reiner…” you whispered, still unmoving from your spot between the bed and the window pane, “who is this?”

        He peered over his shoulder, any hint of a smile now vanished like etchings being erased from a page.

        “You don’t recognize him?”

        Him, a photo full of faces, and he knew who you were asking about. He’d probably stared too long at the ghost himself. You wondered if he ever placed the frame down at night to sleep better; you would have, if you’d killed someone you cared about.

        “You know I do.”

        Reiner held his hand out, long arm stretched across the back of the couch. You finally talked your feet into moving, shuffling across the hardwood as you placed the offending item into his upturned palm. 

        Then, you sat next to him, your knees bumping together as you tried to analyze the emotions stirring within. You couldn’t quite place any of them—Regret? Fear? Curiosity? Sadness? But they were quelled when Reiner placed his hand on your twitching thigh, pressing that anxiousness away for a moment.

        “Marcel Galliard, Porco’s older brother.”

        Your lips parted, both of your attentions centered on the souvenir held between you.

        “It was his birthday, and we hadn’t had the chance to celebrate mine and Zeke’s yet either, so we all went out for drinks. I unfortunately don’t remember much from that night, but I remember being…happy, content.”

        “Why’d you do it?” you asked it a little quickly, “why would you…save me, not him?”

        “I told you, some things I don’t have a choice about.”

        “But you—you could’ve said he killed me and got away, right? You did have a choice.”

        You saw how his jaw clenched, muscles in his cheek flexing.

        “I don’t know.” Agony lined his voice, the words soft, hushed.

        That situation was something you both thought about far too often than you’d like to admit, a late-night mulling that never led to conversation.

        “I’m sorry.” You took the photo away, placed it face down on the coffee table.

        “Don’t be. We can’t change the past,” he said solemnly. 

        You could, however, lament it. Which is something you did perhaps too often.

━━━─── • ───━━━

         Reiner wasn’t ready for what was to come. He knew he never would be, which is why he threw precaution to the wind and decided to lay his cards on the table now. 

         He had to pick a side. Even if these wars didn’t truly concern him, even if the fate of countries ultimately didn’t matter to his conscious, you did—you mattered, he mattered, and he had to start thinking about things on a smaller scale. 

         He wanted to go back to Paradis. He practically yearned to go back in time, to return to a place where being Eldian didn’t matter, where his status didn’t matter, where he could remake himself into something new. If it hadn’t been for his binds connecting him to Marley, he could’ve actually seen hope instead of sorrow on the horizon. He could never seem to cut the vines, could never actually get away from the people controlling his life. 

         But now, now he saw an out, and it was with you. When this cataclysm first happened, all he wanted was for you to be dead, for you to go away and leave him and his miseries alone to rot and wither. Being with you, however, reminded him of a life he could have. He just had to make it happen, he had to start molding his own clay, had to keep bearing the weight of the world like the weary Atlas until he could find a way to make it turn in his favor.

         He was tired of wishing for death.

         Which is why he had to bring you here and why he would handle the consequences that were waiting in the distance. 

         You might not be very helpful to Marley, but he could be of use to Paradis.

         “I believe you,” he hadn’t noticed he was still touching you, fingers gripping onto your leg like a lifeline, “about Zeke. I believe you because I—we, Pieck, Annie, Bertie—we know he’s up to something beyond what he tells us and the generals. He is working with someone in Paradis. We don’t know who, but we do think we know what for.”

         “Oh my god…oh my god. Why didn’t you—”

         “You think I can just fucking say that when anyone could be outside my door listening?” 

         “I thought you said I wouldn’t like what you have to show me.” 

         He noticed how your shoulders relaxed, like you’d been holding in tension for far too long.

         “That’s not…I have something else for you.”

         He didn’t move just yet, not quite ready to actually set this all in motion.

         This all hinged on you. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew you quite well; of course, that was the you of four years ago. The you he had next to him now was older, scarred, burdened, but he still felt that same magnetic pull to you that he could never explain. He was just a moon consigned to orbit you, to be connected to you even when neither of you desired the attachment.

         He knew you were going to be upset, livid; his skin was already prickled at the thought of how you would possibly punch him if when you read what he had to give.

         At least you always looked pretty when you were angry.

         He could still remember how Jean had cowered undeath his desk when you’d stomped into the office after discovering he’d used the branch’s own money to play in a high-stakes poker game while undercover. He’d been fishing for information on the elites, found himself tipsy, and then found himself on the receiving end of your fury. The only thing that stopped your yelling was Erwin, who, for personal reasons, didn’t want any fuss made over government money being gambled away.

         Erwin. He’d never cared for how close you were to him.

         Reiner finally stood, expecting you to sit and wait, but you were following him like a shadow, small hand wrapped around his forearm as he moved to his computer. When he sat down, that hand moved up to his shoulder, your fingers squeezing into his muscle with encouragement. It didn’t really put him at ease.

         He turned the desktop on, the monitor flashing to life. He typed in his password quickly, then went searching for that folder he’d kept hidden away so he’d never bother to look at it again. 

         “Hand me one of those,” he nodded his head in the direction of a small container of flash drives on the other side of his desk. You plucked one out of its resting spot and went ahead and placed it into the port on the computer. He knew you wouldn’t question why had so many on hand—you both knew how it all worked, you both kept important documents that had to be shuffled around digitally.

         Familiar names lined the inside of the folder, ones he’d once tried to forget. He heard you suck in a quick breath and took a moment to look up at you. Your brow was set, tongue obviously caught between your teeth to keep yourself from saying anything. 

         This was his job. He was in charge of keeping tabs on The Scouts, he was the one who fed Marley all the information they could. Well, almost all of it. 

         “These are files I never gave over. They’re yours now. I never gave Marley everything they wanted I…I thought I was protecting you. There’s also a few files on Zeke that Pieck created in here, too.” 

         You both watched as he copied the folder over to the flash drive, one by one the names and dates slowly dropping into a new safe place for them.

         He touched your waist, signaling you to step back. He rolled his chair out, ducking under the desk for a split moment to gather a box of the printed documents he had actually handed over; the action was a mistake. 

         You were leaned over him in an instant, hand clutching and moving the mouse so quickly it scraped against the desk. He attempted to reach up and stop you, but he paused—there were still bruises on your wrist, on your fingers, faded watercolors of surviving pain. He’d gripped your hand, your wrists, all day, why hadn’t you stopped him?

         He already knew which file you opened; he didn’t need to look. But he did anyways, moving the crate to the side and sitting back in his chair, arms crossed across his chest. His poor heart felt like it was going to burst.

         Marco Bott’s face filled part of the screen, all sweet and freckled like he remembered. Those kind eyes were looking straight at him, judging him. Reiner was just waiting, he knew what was said in there, he wrote it all, still recalled how puffy his eyes were when he did it, how much he regretted it.

         There was a pregnant pause, one so heavy he felt like he was being crushed.

         This all hinged on you. He needed you to help him, needed you to help you.

         “I fucking knew it.”

         He was already flinching, shrinking. He watched the screen scroll, the black letters and white spaces all a blur.

         “Threat eliminated by gunfire, killed by organized crime members after…” you hesitated, eyes dancing as you reread the words, “after his gear was removed to ensure death.”

         He was on his feet before you could hit him, backing away from your clenched fists, chair rolling to be forgotten in the corner.

         “What. Did. You. Do?” 

         Each word came with a step toward him. He was running out of space, nearly tripping over the edge of the couch as you encroached upon him.

         “What did you do?” Your voice was getting louder, pain written across your face like he’d just stabbed you. “You told me there was no fucking truth about Marco!”

         “There isn’t! Marco’s dead, there’s no changing—”

         “There’s no changing the past,” you mocked his words, venom dripping from your tongue.

━━━─── • ───━━━

         Your blood was boiling, wrath itching between your fingers. 

         You were going to kill him. You were going to wind your fists around his neck and watch the life drain slowly from his eyes like he fucking deserved.

         You couldn’t believe you’d let you guard down, that you’d started to trust him. You always knew something had gone awry the night Marco died. He’d been slaughtered, ransacked with bullet holes across his body. It was like he had been dropped into the line of fire, dangled out like a piece of meat to be eaten alive.

         And he didn’t have his gear, that’s what stumped everyone looking into the mess of it all. It was like he had walked in unprepared, like a boy on a suicide mission walking straight to his death. Thirty-six bullets and even more empty, splattered holes littered had riddled his corpse. Jean had fallen to his knees. Connie didn’t speak for a week. Sasha didn’t eat for days.

         Because of Reiner’s decision, that man suffered, you all mourned, and you felt like you most of all had let him down. Marco had been your protégé, you’d taught him everything he knew, and that was the first mission he was allowed to go on after his training. You’d been tailing a rather violent gang, found their hideout, and were infiltrating for arrests and to see what was inside. Marco had been paired with Reiner and Bertholdt to lead the first wave of infiltration, while you and the rest waited for the signal to rush the back doors to the run-down ranch not far out of the city of Trost. They’d been up ahead by the barn that was sandwiched between stables.

         But your signal turned to sounds of gunfire. You could still hear it echoing in your ears as you approached Reiner. The sounds of metal clicking, of repeated blasts from automatic weapons ringing across the hillsides like single note windchimes in a raging storm.

         “Tell me why.”

         Your fingers were digging into his shirt before you could stop yourself, the threads of the worn Henley threatening to rip from your nails sinking into it. You could actually feel his heart beat against his chest, a frightened bird trying to flee his ribcage.

         When he didn’t speak right away, your anger flared, made you shove him back against the wall with all your might. It made your arms hurt, like you’d just slammed your hands against brick, a sharp pain that made you hiss.

         “He overheard us—”

         “Overheard what?”

         You could tell he was getting a little infuriated as well, nostrils flaring as he looked down his nose at you. It must look funny, you pressing him against the wall of his own apartment. Reiner was nearly twice your size—he was bigger than most people, and he towered over you like a looming threat.

         “Let me fucking finish,” he took a deep breath, eyes nearly glazing over, “He overheard Bertie and I talking about how we should relay the details of that gang, of organized crime in general, to Marley. We—we hadn’t had time to talk alone since we’d been prepping that shit for days. We didn’t know Marco followed us around to that side of the rooftop.”

         “That’s it? He heard you whispering little secrets and you killed him for it?”

         One of the buttons near the neckline of his shirt popped as your knuckles dug deeper into the fabric.

         “He literally heard us say that we needed to find a time to call General Magath of Marley. If he lived and told someone that—,” his breath caught for a moment when one of your nails started to pierce his skin, “it would have compromised our entire mission. We’d been there for three years, and he could’ve ruined it all.”

         You were at your breaking point. You could feel that terrible heat that comes with sadness creeping up your neck, snaking around to your cheeks. If you weren’t careful, you were going to cry. All this time, all this time spent wondering why, and this was why he had to die?

         Killing wasn’t unusual in your life. It was part of the job, something you’d unfortunately had to do on a few occasions. You knew those strangers who ate your bullets or your knife had families, that they were people too, but most of them were monsters, thieves, rapists, threats to the corrupted balance of the governmental structure. But Marco…he was like family, and finding his limp, almost unrecognizable body had sent even the most hardened veterans into despair. Levi took off from work the next day; the only time he had ever missed a day on the job.

         “Tell me how!” You truly didn’t mean to scream it, but the emotions raging in your stomach, your chest, it all ached too much. 

         “Be quiet, I have neighbors—”

         “I don’t give a fuck about your god damn neighbors, Reiner!”

         He finally moved then, his once idle hand now jerking up to your face to fiercely hold your cheeks beneath his fingers. You tried to smack his hand away, your own fingers digging and tugging at his wrist.

         “Letme-go!” Your words were jumbled, your open mouth allowing his fingers to press your cheeks in between your teeth.

         “You have to be fucking quiet,” he hissed, a whole new light shining in his eyes, a familiar rage you had seen when you’d fought against him the day Paradis was invaded. The reality of how large he was sunk in again; he looked like a vengeful god peering down at you, all hot-blooded and incensed.

         You thought for a moment he wouldn’t hurt you, but then you remembered he already had. He had the inclination to be just as cruel as you could be.

         His fingers stayed firm against your cheeks, holding you like he was daring you to speak again. 

         “Tellmehow,” you managed to spit out, wincing when he took the leverage he had on your face and used it to shove you back. You stumbled, banging into the side of the couch as you rubbed at the sore flesh of your mouth.

         But he was unmoving, back straight against the wall, a statue built on the foundation of wrath and agony, waiting to crack and fall onto you if you made the wrong move.

         “We knew their guards were patrolling. Bertholdt covered his mouth while I stripped him of his equipment, of his guns, and I pushed him off the roof and into their sight.”

         He said it so calmly that it made you sick. But that was a reality he had to live with every day, wasn’t it? He had to replay in his mind over and over again that he had done such a vile thing, he had to justify it else it would eat him alive.

         Your tears were hot, but contained, your lashes blinking them aside as you just stared at him. You opened your mouth to scream at him, you were so ready to spew hatred and let it burn him, but he was quicker than you. 

         With one step, he was on you, your hair wrapped in his fast as he wrenched your head to the side, smarting your scalp to silence you.

         “Marco’s dead, and I’m sorry for it. You fucking screaming will do nothing but have the assholes who live below me calling the authorities and you’ll find yourself in a much worse prison than before.”

         You didn’t like how he was right. Still, you glared up at him, brows pinched together in pain.

         It felt like you’d merged into him, those rapid hearts within your chests suddenly beating as one with the same suffering, the same torment. You both had to live with the poor reality of your lives; you were killers, you were monsters too. 

         You were too close to him, could smell the heat of his skin, could feel his breath against your sore cheeks. Your hands were flat against his chest, trapped between you, his arm an anchor as it tugged at the roots of your hair, keeping your face turned towards his.

         You couldn’t help but look at him, there was nowhere else to focus, only on him. It was like you could see the pages of a book open across his face, wretchedness and anguish painted in broad strokes in the fair wrinkles around his eyes, in the curve of his brow. It was beauty and pain bleeding together, the amber color of his eyes swirling as he searched your own face like he was looking for something. What would he find hidden behind your own grief?

         “I hate you,” you whispered, breath long gone.

         “I know.”

         “And I’ll never forgive you.”

         It was like he was moving closer, the time you were losing now completely stopped, frozen between your bodies.

         “Don’t want forgiveness,” he caught your whisper and gave it back, “just judgement.”

         His lips met yours with a bruising fervor. 

         The hand in your hair flexed, pulled you closer, made you gasp as your hands slid up his chest. Your fingers found his rumbling throat, and in the back of your mind, you recalled how just moments ago you were waiting to snatch the life from his neck. You felt his pulse beating beneath your thumb, a war drum beating hot and fast in his veins. Your mouth was moving against his, eyes closed, suddenly greedy and hungry; for what, you didn’t know. All you did know was that this felt so wrong, like you’d taken a misstep and landed right into the lion’s lap, but that it also felt like absolution, like he was devouring your sins and taking them for his own.

         Your mouth slanted for him, a hum resounding from both your throats as you fell into this new, strange rhythm. You’d thought about it before, kissing him like this, feeling those plush lips against yours, angry and hot and needy. You cherished the taste of him, like a dark, rich wine filling up your mouth, spilling over and enveloping your senses. Your tongue tempted him to open his lips, to let you in. There was no hesitation. 

         His other hand found your hip, fingers mean and pulling you impossibly closer. Your palms drifted up from his neck, found his face, thumbs smoothing over cheekbones. You could feel the soft hairs of his cheeks, his chin, sweeping against your skin. It all felt too good, like you were getting lost, delirium taking over. Nothing else mattered anymore, just the gratification of tasting his emotions, of taking his groans into your mouth and echoing them back. You pressed harder into him, kept your tongue tangled with his, noses brushing as you found new beats to your rhythm. 

         It was wicked, sinful, something your heart was pleading for and your mind screaming out against. But you couldn’t stop. You didn’t stop. It was as if you kissed for as long as you’d known each other. Every year passed by, every regret, every sharp turn of your tongues against one another, all the hurt and longing, placed into one moment of your bodies finding one another.

         When the heat began to die, you were both still stroking the flames, deep, languid kisses turned into smaller presses of your lips against one another. It was intoxicating and you felt so drunk, so, so drunk off of him.

         There was a stillness between you, like the gentle sigh and breaths of the world as it awoke to the morning sun when you finally stopped. A lulling peacefulness lingered in the wake of what you’d done.

         His hands were still on your body, in your hair, looser now. Yours were still on his face when your eyes fluttered open.

         “I’m sorry,” he murmured, lips plump, wet.

          “I know.”

Next Chapter

[yandere-wishes]

🐚Smooth Criminal //Yandere! Gangster! Floyd Leech X Reader//🐚

My first Gangster AU! This is most likely going to end up being a series for each of the different boys! SO please tell me what you thought!

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So, Annie are you ok, are you ok Annie?

the bar bristled with the loud shouts of its patrons. Each table housing at least a dozen members from the same group, all glaring at those from rival gangs. Guns sat, leaned against their master's legs, like school backs at a highschool cafeteria. maybe it was the dim, cheap lights, or the distracted rivalry stares. But by some freak miracle, no one noticed you enter the Jackson. This wasn't a place for a dame such as yourself, a pretty girl who lacked status, a weapon, and even a comrade to have their back. Just a doll-like face and a very obvious briefcase.

Even you were conscious of the fact that you stuck out like a rose in the middle of a field filled with weeds. At any moment one of these goons could turn around and grab you, slam your head on one of the wooden tables till your brains spilled out than claim the loot for themselves, no consciences faced.

Naturally, you wouldn't be here had it not been for your dear uncle Crowley, who had very recently gambled away the equivalent of a small fortune in the underground casino of the infamous Mostro Lounge. Well technically the cousin was only partly owned by the Octavinelle gang, most of the games and funds went to their brother gang of Ignihyde. But for some reason it had been one of the Octavinelle members to come after your uncle, breaking down the door to his house and threatening him with punches and verbal insults. Your "poor" uncle had promised to get him the money, it took about two loans on his house, a few hundred borrowed from his close friends and a lot of support from your own father until he was able to gather the needed amount. But that had left one tiny problem, your sweet uncle had been so shaken up from his last encounter that he had all but begged his only niece to deliver the money for him.

"It's very simple, sweetheart, you just go to the Jackson and give this briefcase to the man with teal hair and anisocoria eyes. I would never make you do something difficult dear, I'm too kind"

Yeah right "too kind"  was an exaggeration, heck nice wasn't any better. Your uncle was a useless old fool. Then again where you any better? You'd just marched into the most mobster ridden bar in all of this godforsaken city. With nothing more than a white circular dress and a briefcase with your uncle's initials engraved in it. You took a shaky breath before scanning the room, trying to find the man your uncle had described. Teal hair and anisocoria eyes, wearing the signature black and purple of the  Octavinelle gang.

A glance around confirmed that there where members from each of the Twisted Seven here. The twisted seven where the infamous gangs of New NightRaven City. Each gang was started sometime before even their current leaders where born. The original leaders had gone down as the pioneers of turning New NightRaven City into a gangsters paradise. Somehow the leadership roles had trickled down to the current seven, mostly through heritage. The history of the Twisted Seven was thought in schools all over the city more vigorously than actual world history. Up to this day, you weren't quite sure how or why the first world war had started but you could name every leader for each group in chronological order.

In the far back of the bustling room, you noticed an abnormality. One guy was sitting by himself at a four-person booth. A half-empty coke rocks glaring back at him. Your eyes widened, that was him! It had to be! Turquoise locks peaked out from under his black hat. For a split second his head turned, his eyes looking about unseeingly. That's when you noticed his eyes. One was vibrant gold, while the other borders on an olive-like green, both orbs, however, seemed to shine with a sort of mischievous glow.

Swallowing down a sense of foreboding deep in your soul, you gradually strolled over to the man. He didn't seem to notice you until you had rearranged into the seat before him. When his eyes met yours, his lips maneuvered into an open-mouth grin showing heaps of razor-sharp teeth. "OoO~ Who might you be little shrimp-chan?" His voice didn't seem able to hold a steady tone, vocals switching between high and low better every word, making the man appear all the more deranged. You sucked in a nervous breath. Under the table you squeezed your knees together, focusing on how the kneecaps pressured each other.

"Um..I'm (y/n), my uncle owed the Octavinelle some money and..."

"Oh so your here to pay off his debt?" He leaned in closer, tongue flickering out to run across his lips. His mismatched eyes scanned you up and down, lingering just a little too long on your chest. Quickly you made slung your arm over your over breasts, trying to muster up a glare to shoot at the audacious male. 

"N-not like that" You pulled up the briefcase, pummeling it down on the table with a noisy "thud".  "He has the money, he owned you. All ten thousand dollars." 

Around the two of you, people became to stare, all pulling out their cells, no undoubtedly to inform their superiors about the transaction going down in plain view. The gangster in front of you, slowly trailed his gaze around the room, shooting challenged to meet his eyes. "Are you sure you aren't the payment? You're pretty, could round up a bunch of customers for the Lounge~ Oh maybe we could even loan you out to customers that way it would only take seven months to repay your uncle's debt--"

It was pure impulse on your part, rage had taken over your body. Your hand moved on its own, stretching out for the halve empty coke glass, carrying your body with itself. Your fingers wrapped sufficiently tight around the cup. Tugging it towards yourself, before tilting it and spilling its liquid contents in the face of the man in front of you. It took a moment for the events to fully process in either of your heads. Angry breaths left your mouth before you stood up and marched over to the door. Shouting one last cruse at the mobster before slamming the door behind you.

Back at the booth, Floyd had finally realized what had happened. His shoulders began to vibrate uncontrollably. A sadistic bloodthirsty laugh falling from his lips. His eyes lifted to where you had been moments priory a sort of childlike greed shining inside his orbs. "Shrimp-chan~" he cooed to the empty space.

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Sam pulled the yellow tape over his head, contracting his back so he could duke under it. In front of the building, he noticed a man with a red trench coat surrounded by five other police officers. The man must have been in his late 40's maybe even mid 50's. Sam let out a haughty breathy laugh. This was his new partner? The younger man jogged up to the small group. "Detective Trein I presume?" Sam was met by a harsh glare from the older man. "you're the rookie?" disapproval clear in every word. Ouch.

"You bet I am sir," Sam made a gesture akin to tilting a top hat as he bowed slightly. "Sam, reporting for duty". "What no last name?" "No Sir, just my mother given name, a nice one too I might add." Sam kept his eyes lowered but he could practically feel the way his new partner rolled his grey eyes. "Fine than Sam, follow me I trust you shouldn't find this case too hard. It's a simple kidnapping case. Nothing too elaborate for your young mind." Man, this guy really was a prick.

For as far as Sam could see this really was just an everyday kidnapping. All signs pointed towards just that. "If you would direct your attention to the window." Sam jumped from his thoughts. He quickly jogged up to where Trein was standing by a broken window. "The invader came in from here, most likely he climbed up the fire escape. Where guessing he had a knife on him or some other sharp object." Sam smiled, how had the old man gotten all that from an open window?

The second you left the bar, you had run all the way back to your apartment. The second you had gotten home you locked the doors and made a quick call to your uncle. As usual, he was "busy" doing whatever it was he did. Leaving a fast paced voicemail explaining that you had given the mobster his money and that you were home now. Leaving out the section you had caused. It was over finally the whole nightmare was over. your eyes darted to the old clock on your wall 9:15 pm late enough for dinner. Making your way to the kitchen, you forgot to notice that you had in fact left the window closest to the fire escape wide open. 

"Bang!"

The noise reverberated across the cramped apartment. Causing you to jump out of your thoughts. Anxiously you snatched a kitchen blade as you gradually strolled again into the front room. Your brain continued replaying the occasions of that night. It must be the Octavinelle, they had sought you out! All things considered, you had embarrassed one of their members. When you finally made it to the living room, you were both surprised and relieved. There weren't a hundred armed goons flooding your apartment with guns ready to shoot you on sight. Instead, it had been the man from earlier, casually standing by the window, whistling some tune that was eerie familiar. 

It took a moment before the man noticed you. His whistling stopped and was instead replaced with a shark-like smile. "HI~ little shrimp! I forgot to introduce myself earlier~ Name's Floyd what's yours darling?" Nervously you stepped back, knife clenched tightly to your chest. 

"G-Get away from me!"

"How do you know the man was armed? Heck, how do you know he was a guy?" Sam asked. Trein let out an annoyed huff. "Seriously do you know nothing? Well, I guess you are rather new to this." The grey-haired man turned to his younger partner. Sam swear for a moment he caught a glimpse of what may have been considered a "father instinct" although never having had a father, he could have been completely wrong. "When you've been in this profession as long as I have, you pick up on. There are small differences that become obvious once you've cracked your first ten cases. Notice the blood on the carpet, and realize how 40 mm away there is a smaller bloodstain, only this one has been pressured into the carpet, due to its crescent-like scape we can confidently deduce that it was made by a heel. And look closely at the carpet starts, look at how they seem to be red from the roots and middle, not just the tips. All that point to our invader having stepped in the first blood pool than having made the second engraving with the heel of his shoe as he chased the victim." Sam's eyes widen, maybe the old man wasn't just a jerk, after all, maybe he knew a thing or two.

"Is that any way to treat a guest little shrimp?~" His eyes locked with yours, freezing you in your spot like a dear in headlights. Noticing your dumbfounded form he ran forward prying the knife from your weak grip. A scream filled the air, it took you a second to realize it had come from you. When your eyes went back to your offenders face you could see how his lips were pointed downwards a deathly glare coating his eyes. 

The next moment his fingers made contact with your cheek, you swore you could hear a crescendo, your body felt heavy your head started spinning, for some reason the ground was getting closer and closer until you felt your body crash into the carpet. Your left cheek stung, as well as feeling like it was on fire. as you laid on the floor you watched as something red slipped onto the carpet. Something thick and red. "Oh, shrimpy you look so pretty when you bleed." 

Trein made his way to the kitchen, flicking a switch the moment he passed the threshold. A single light overhead flickered to life. "Kinda cramped for a kitchen ain't it?" Sam asked as he peeked over Trein shoulder. The older man ignored his partner's comment, wordlessly he pointed to the table in at the far left-hand side. Sam's red eyes followed the man's finger, Dead center there was a large kitchen knife ended in the old-looking wooden table. "Usually women are more calculating when they performed a kidnapping. Men are the ones that go ramped like wild beasts." Sam nodded his head absentmindedly. The young investigator made a mental note to never be as obvious if he ever did decide to kidnap someone.

"Oh~ that's so pretty." You had only known "Floyd" for a little over an hour, that including your rather unpleasant meaning back at the Jackson. But already you could tell just how short the man's attention span was. Slowly you shimmed your body from the ground, the mobster didn't seem to have noticed. The second your legs passed the kitchen's threshold you flicked the light, engulfing the tiny cooking space in total darkness. You made a swift sprint for the table, crunching under it. Your breath refused to leave your mouth, heart pounded with such force you were certain it would break the bones of your rib cage. In the distance, his loud footsteps could be heard. Closer and closer and closer. You didn't dare open your eyes, but you kept your ears open, trying to pick up any lose noises he might make.

1 heartbeat 

2 heartbeats

3 heartbeats

Nothing. There was no more noise to be heard, slowly your eyes cracked open, a tiny fragile breath escaped your mouth, right before a sharp noise echoed above head. Floyd's twisted head came into view that damned smirk still on his lips. Another scream, this time you knew it was coming from you. The teal haired man reached to grab the collar of your shirt, pulling you forward. You kicked and thrashed about as the gangster such laughter. Really how sick was this man? Finally, with one last kick, you freed yourself, Floyd fell backward clutching his stomach mutter some profanity you'd never heard before. Quickly you made a dash for your room. Locking the door behind you.

"And this is the last destination of our tour," Trein said as he made a sweeping gesture with his hand. Sam was almost certain he heard a hint of humor in the old man's tone. "What happened here?" The rookie asked. "Why Sam! I thought you where a detective, can't you deduce this simple problem?" Definitely humor. Sam quickly scanned the room. 'Um, he dragged her into the room, locking the door behind them. Then broke the window preparing to escape. But then a third party broke the door down, trying to save the girl. Before the third party could intervene it's likely that the man pulled her through the window and killed her behind some ally." Trein only nodded, following along with the boy's story. "Well Sam you sure have an active imagination, but it's most likely that this is what happened..."

You could hear the pounding on your door, slowly you backed away heading for your nightstand, aimlessly you tried to locate your phone. Until you remembered that you had left it on the couch. "Dang it" Your eyes scanned the room nervously trying to find something helpful, anything!

BANG

pieces of wood flew around the room, you brought your hands up to shield your face, only to have them pulled downwards. Your eyes looked upwards, instantly locking with Floyd's "Found you~" he sang. In the midst of the chaos, Floyd smashed his lips yo yours, they were unpleasant, chapped, and salty. You tried pushing him away but to no avail.   Gradually he broke the kiss, pushing his forehead to yours. Before slinging you over his shoulder and ramming full force into the window in your room. Crashing the glass and escaping into the night with you. It was at that moment that you knew that this was your doom!

"That's the more likely explanation for what happened," Trein explained as he made is way back to the front door. "Well even if it isn't it's more then convincing for a field report and a good enough explanation to give the press". A confused look twisted over Sam's face "How do you know he didn't kill her?" The black-haired boy asked. Trein just laughed and waved a wrinkled hand dismissively. "Call it a hunch" He yelled behind his shoulder.

And what a hunch! Just as the old detective predicted you were very much alive. Just now awaking and opening your (e/c) eyes to gaze into the mismatched ones of Floyd Leech's.

You’ve been hit by a smooth criminal

[stoney-siren]

Just A Bad Dream (Marco x Reader)

Authors Note: This is gonna be the first fanfiction I’ve posted in a while, I hope you enjoy it!

Summary: Marco takes notice in the reader and their tired behavior, and suspects they haven’t been sleeping. The reader is suffering from PTSD and relives the events of Shiganshina in their dreams whenever they try to sleep.

TW: Mentions of death, PTSD, sleep deprivation, possibly swearing idk.

I’ll admit that sleep has been getting harder to achieve lately, since I had joined the Training Corps, my memories of Shiganshina had begun to resurface as other survivors from that day shared their stories. When they asked me, I stayed silent, never was I the most social person there, but I wasn’t as anti-social as Annie or anything, I had a group of people to hang around. One of my close friends, Marco, had approached me our first day with his other friend, Jean, stating I looked lonely and that I could use a bit of company, I was too nice to turn them down. Ever since that day I had developed some feelings for the freckled sweetie, it had been a while since I had opened up to anyone, and he was able to win me over within the snap of his fingers.

“(Y/N), you’ve been awfully quiet lately.” Although his voice was quiet, it reached me clearer than freshly cleaned glass.

“I’m sorry, Marco. I’m just a little tired.” My response was just as quiet as his comment, I could feel his eyes trained on me while mine gazed at the wooden table I sat in front of. 

“Yeah, no shit. Honestly you look terrible, and you’ve been moping around for the past few weeks as if you were a sick horse.” Jean commented, taking a bite out of his bread shortly after, only to almost choke on it as Marco gave him a quick elbow to the waist.

“You’re one to talk, horse face.” Despite how tired I was, my comebacks were always quick and always something I was proud of. Jean only gave me the stink eye before turning his attention back to his dinner.

“Jean is right though, not that you look bad! It’s just we’re expressing our worry for you.. Not only have you been unlike yourself, the Instructor has been giving you earfuls of lectures almost every day now! And honestly it doesn’t even look like you’re listening to him anymore!” His rambling continued on, but his voice got more and more faint as he tried to get through to me. My gaze also began to turn upward to the ceiling, all I could think about was getting a nice full time of peaceful sleep for once.

“Listen, Marco, Jean,” I began, taking a long pause as I slowly looked back down towards them. “I’m fine, really, everyone goes through little rough patches now and then.” There was a long silence between us after that, until Marco sighed and stood up from his seat.

“Fine, just.. Try to get some sleep tonight, for me?” Those last few words stuck to me, I knows how much I truly care for him, and I’d do anything to make him happy. His eyes didn’t leave mine, not even when Jean followed his lead and stood up.

“Alright, I’ll try.” Soon after, we exchanged goodnights and headed towards our baracks, mine was a bit far from where Jean and Marco slept with their roommates, I on the other hand did not have any due to complaints of my ever so often ‘sleep talking.’ When really I’d wake in the night, a sobbing and screaming mess.

                                                - Time Skip -

There were screamings ringing from all around me, as I scrambled to seak safety, so scared and desperate for the safety in my mothers arms again, something I knew I’d never have again as I watched her get violently crushed under the weight of our home as it collapsed. Being shoved around constantly by fleeing civilians as my cries fell upon deaf ears, I soon met myself at my knees where I could feel those cold, dead eyes staring down at me. Looking up, I saw that strange facial expression most titans held, always similar but different, it had crouched down to get a good look at me before one of its massive hands reached for my small body. I felt hopeless, I couldn’t scream or move, all I could do was watch my end slowly creep closer.

“NO!” My entire upper half shot out of bed, I couldn’t even register my shouting as my own voice for a second as hot tears streamed down my face, my nightwear was wet with my own tears, implicating that I had been crying for quite a while in my sleep. It was only safe to assume that it was late at night, although my nightmare had not lasted long, it felt like an eternity, anticipating the feeling of that hand on me, and lifting me from the floor.

Attempting to compose myself, I reached for my face and frantically began to wipe my tears before bending my legs close to my chest and hugging them tightly. It was always the same thing over and over, but this time it just seemed more realistic for some reason. I continued to sob into my knees, confident that nobody could hear me, and of course I was wrong when I heard my door creak open.

“(Y/N)?” There was a sense of urgancy in Marco’s voice this time as he peaked his head into the room, still hesitant though, as if he was worried of being shouted at. “Is everything okay?” 

“What the hell does it look like!?” I snapped back without thought, I watched him flinch as he put a hand up in defense. I could only feel more guilty for my sudden actions, returning to my ball of tears.

“I- I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to-” Quickly I interrupted through my soft cries.

“No- I- I’m sorry.. You didn’t deserve that..” Using my sleeve to wipe away the new set of tears I had produced, I heard Marco’s boots tap against the floor as he made his way closer to my bed. He was also in his pajamas, but he put on his boots to come to my room. 

“Can I sit?” He questioned softly, motioning to the spot next to me in my bed, I only responded with a small nod of my head. Soon I could feel the bed dip under his weight next to me as he slid his boots off.

“Why are you here..” I cringed at how shaky my voice sounded, it was strange how fast I felt myself calm down as the warmth of his arm met with my back as he pulled me closer.

“I had a bad feeling, I was worried that you weren’t sleeping again, guess I was right.. But there’s something else too, isn’t there?” He looked at me with a caring gaze as his other hand gently wiped away the tears that continued to roll down my face. His skin was soft, everything about him was so welcoming and kind. The tension between us grew thick as I struggled to talk about my struggle to sleep.

“Lately, I- I’ve been struggling to sleep.. I keep having nightmares about wh- what happened in.. Shiganshina.” It was hard to get the last word out of my mouth, I hated thinking about that place, after all that has happened there.

“You know, sometimes talking about it makes people feel better. I completely understand if you don’t want to, it’s a heavy subject..” Marco made me feel like I could do anything, when I look at him I feel like my whole world is in my hands, and mine to bend. He made me want to try.

“I- I want to talk about it..” There was a long pause, as Marco gave a quiet nod, watching me patiently. “I.. I was just a kid. Sh- She.. My mom.. We were making dinner together, I always wanted to be a cook when I was younger, a- and she asked me to get some ingredients that we were missing..” I stopped for a moment, visualizing my mother and that day she sent me away from our home, how I wish I had stayed there with her.

“It’s okay, take your time.” The hand on my shoulder began to gently rub its thumb in circles, soothing me just a bit more.

“So I went.. I.. I didn’t even have time to get to the shop wh- when I heard that god awful explosion. T- The floor shook and next thing I knew.. Screams were heard all around me, a- and I didn’t know what was happening.” My voice grew shakier, my eyes welled with more tears as Marco rushed to brush them away.

“You can stop if you want to, I’m so proud of you, (Y/N). I know this is something you struggle to talk about..” Never had I met somebody so caring and understanding like Marco Bodt, he made me feel safe, protected, I wanted to make him feel the same way.

“Marco,” I shakily reached for his hand and took it, holding it rather tight but not enough to hurt. “Stay, please.” His expression changed to slight shock as he lightly squeezed my hand.

“O- Okay.. I’ll stay.” He smiled a little as he held me closer, I didn’t realize how much I craved affection until I actually recieved it. My head rested against his chest as he rested his chin on the top of my head, we were cuddling.

“Thank you, Marco..” My voice trailed off as sleep began to overcome my mind again.

“I’m going to stay here, (Y/N).. I’m always gonna be here when you need me.” He continued to quietly assure me as I felt his lips press against my forehead, my face heated up as his chin returned to the top of my head. Slowly I could feel his heartbeat slow as he fell asleep, and soon I did too.

I didn’t have anymore nightmares for the rest of the night, and for the first time in forever, I felt like I could take one step closer to overcoming my past, now that I knew Marco would be by my side.

[irontinystar]

hi! i was wondering if you’d recommend other authors that you enjoy or even specific fanfics you like? i’ve only just started getting into the steve/tony fandom and want to follow more people! thank you!

Hi there!!! Welcome to the fandom!!!<3<3<3

I’m so glad you asked this question since I’ve always wanted to do a fic rec post!!!!

HERE WE GO:

10K+ WORDS (ONE CHAPTER) FICS:

Quit while you’re ahead by magicasen

“It began, as things tend to between them, as a bet.”

the reason you ruminate the shadowy past by Mizzy

“So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year.

It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart.

There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...”

made to make you blue by gottalovev

“Steve, drunk for the first time since the serum, hits on Tony. It's everything Tony's ever dreamt about, but he refuses to have sex with a drunk Steve who can't truly consent. They do kiss, though, and Tony stays the night. The morning after brings a misunderstanding of disastrous proportion, where both men wrongly assume the other is uninterested. Life gets extremely complicated when Enchantress, mad at Thor, casts a spell that links people who love each other together, letting them feel the other's pain.”

On the Turning Away by thegraytigress

“Tony's new relationship with Steve is going great. They're a few weeks into it, and it's utterly amazing. He's feeling better and more sure of himself than he ever has before. Honestly, he's flying high.

But then he asks Steve a simple, logical, and seemingly innocent question: "do you want to spend the night?" And everything comes crashing down.”

love the sin, love the sinner by silkspectred

“It keeps happening. Not often, just once or twice a month, but it keeps happening. Always in the same way: it’s unplanned, sudden, unexpected, Steve is surprised and eager, his dick goes from zero to one hundred in two seconds, Tony’s touch is electric, everything he does drives Steve crazy, but he never lets Steve kiss him, he very rarely looks Steve in the eye, he never talks, never makes a sound when he comes, never mentions it later.”

Of Beards and Best Defenders by nannersmelo

“Tony finds out about when Steve had a beard once upon a time, and outraged that he never got to see it, decides to find a way to witness it by himself.”

Tony Pretends To Date Steve (Until He Doesn't Have To) by HappyStony

“"You alright?"

Of course he was not alright! Tony had a blue eyed, blond haired, six foot too high, two hundred who knows what pound, too sexy for his own good ninety something, mentally twenty, year old man on top of him. Who even asks that question in a situation like that?

Or: Basically the title. Tony pretends he's dating Steve until...well, you know.”

i have found the one (whom my soul loves) by soniclipstick (veriscence)

“It's been months since the Avengers were pardoned. One by one, they'd all gone home, until Steve finds himself alone in the grand old building T'Challa had given them.

But everything changes when Steve answers the doorbell, and Tony Stark strides in with more grey on his temple and make-up on his face than Steve remembers.”

Hating Steve Rogers by nanasekei

“The thing about hating Steve Rogers is that it shouldn’t be easy - but it really, really is.”

we have become something different, beloved (tragic and lovely) by Areiton, venusiaries

“"What's the Accords?" he asks, and Tony's head tilts. "I don't think that concerns you," he says. "But you don't deny that it's something." "There's a lot of something's I'm involved in that you don't know about," Tony says.

~~~~

There's a story, years long and publicly known, about the way the Avengers ended and why. And then there is the truth, carefully hidden and protected.”

remedy by quidhitch

““I like the walls,” Steve shrugs, knocking his knuckles against the side as if to demonstrate. “Makes me feel covered.”

A soldier in a fortress, Tony thinks, which is a pretty ridiculous thought to have about Captain America and his enormous limbs stuffed into a too-small bathtub, but there it is.

Or: Tony Stark learns a thing or two about what it means to be In Recovery™.”

Binary System by Annie D (scaramouche) ( @no-gorms )

“Tony tends to be tactile with people he trusts. These days that list of people includes Steve, which is a good sign of the progression of their friendship. For his part, Steve seems to enjoy it as much as Tony does... until Tony goes a little too far.”

The Best Policy by starknjarvis

“Tony Stark breezes through life on bluster and bullshit. When he gets hit by a truth spell, he locks himself away in his workshop so he can find a way to reverse it without anyone finding out. So why can't he say no when Steve keeps asking to spend time with him?”

Slipping off the Page into Your Hands by Sineala ( @sineala )

“Soulmates have their first words to each other written on their wrists. This should make it easy. For Steve and Tony, it is anything but. Steve's problem is that the future he has awoken into is nothing he was ever expecting: he has a soulmate now. Who might be a robot. And if his soulmate is Iron Man, how can he be so attracted to Tony Stark? It should be impossible. Tony's problem is that he is Iron Man, his soulmate is a man whom he in no way deserves, and he is going to fight everything in his heart and do his best to make sure Steve never, ever finds out the whole truth.”

How to Win Affection Without Really Trying by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Tony almost dies saving Steve’s life, but that’s just part of being an Avenger. It’s no reason for Steve to get all weird and intense around him afterward.”

A Certain Affinity by miobambiino ( @miobambiino )

“"They were like that a lot nowadays, ever since they got back from their little kidnapping escapade. Sure, they’d been close before then - they all had - but now… it was different. They were close, close. Squishing up next to each other, whispering to one another, playing with each others hair, apparently.

Steve inwardly grimaced at himself. He was being bitter and petty, he knew that. But he couldn’t figure out why, though. His teammates were getting along, which is only a good thing. Especially considering how they started things off way back on the helicarrier. But since when were Tony and Nat this cosy?"

Aka Steve is jealous of Tony and Nat's friendship, gets the wrong idea, and requires a little help from Nat herself to get some well-needed perspective.”

Admiring the Scenery by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Steve’s used to people checking him out, but when Tony does it, it feels… different.”

Symmetry Breaking by Annie D (scaramouche)

“After the Battle of New York, Steve rode off on his motorbike. That's how it went the first time.

This time he rides back, all the way to Stark Tower, where he asks Tony for help.”

MULTICHAPTERS FICS:

almeno tu nell'universo by silkspectred

“Tony drives off.

Well, he wants to.

But he can’t.

Because.

Steve Rogers is in front of his car.

Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.”

take my heart clean apart by mistymountainking

“He’s tired, so tired of waiting, tired of touches with no meaning, tired of holding his breath when Steve’s in the room, tired of keeping this love to himself.

“I can’t—I can’t, if you don’t mean it.”

***

Tony comes home exhausted after an SI event. Steve acts as welcoming committee. It's an old, careworn routine they've perfected over the years, but tonight ends up going in a very different direction.”

Thrust Issues by Sineala

“A battle gone wrong leads Tony to the unexpected and pleasant discovery that Steve is much more well-endowed than he could ever have imagined. But when Tony learns that Steve has never actually been able to sleep with anyone because of his size, Tony does what any good friend would do: he offers to relieve Steve of his virginity. Personally. Tony's determined, Tony's methodical, and Tony has a plan. He's going to get Steve laid. Tony just needs to make sure Steve never finds out that Tony's in love with him.”

Overhaul by Annie D (scaramouche)

“Steve knows that Tony has feelings for him and, since he doesn’t return those feelings, has been mildly dreading the day that Tony decides to do something about it. When that day finally arrives, Steve discovers that Tony’s wooing strategy isn’t anything at all like he’d expected.”

Whatever Makes You Happy by WilmaKins ( @wilmakins )

“Steve and his team never stopped Avenging. So when T'Challa tells them about strange events at the site of an ancient landmark, everything seems quite simple. Of course they'll help Shuri to investigate it - helping people is what they do, after all.

Until they discover that a race of alien empaths are harvesting human emotions as a source of power. Specifically, they're using the misery of one Tony Stark.

So, until they work out what's really going on, the fate of the world might depend on them keeping Tony happy.

Not simple. Not simple at all.

Set six months after CA:CW.”

a catalog of non-definitive acts by firebrands ( @firebrands )

“Tony's seen the way Steve watches him, trails after him just for a moment, then catches himself. Let it never be said that Tony Stark doesn’t pay attention. At least, when it matters.

*

Or, Steve, Tony, and the emotional fallout of keeping secrets. (Set in some nebulous time pre-AoU.)”

The Single Biggest Problem With Communication by BlossomsintheMist

“In the wake of Steve's return from the dead and the end of Norman Osborn's reign of terror, the superhero community is recovering--Steve has taken on a new role and Tony is trying to put his life back together. Things are still awkward between them, but they're determined to put things to rights. But when a discussion about their feelings leads to further misunderstandings, they discover that might be more difficult than either of them realized. Set in the early Heroic Age after the end of Dark Reign, this is a get-together story about crossed wires--and second chances.”

Broken by livink ( @anthonyed )

“After Siberia, Tony Stark faces depression, a giant purple alien and a forced reunion. Ironically, he feels as if he's the only one who is broken in this journey. Until he comes across Barnes. Then, Bruce, Natasha and Wanda. Later, he realises that the man who broke him is broken too and this is a story where they heal and find their footings back.”

wonderland by Areiton

“Six weeks after being abandoned in Siberia, Tony wakes in a Tower, next to the man who broke his heart and his trust. But the world--whatever Wonderland world they’ve landed in--isn’t like their own. The Avengers are happy here. Tony and Steve are married here. With a direct line to Steve’s emotions and the team that he’s always wanted--Tony is more than a little tempted to stay. Seeing how happy Tony is, how healthy Bucky is--Steve doesn’t disagree. But there are cracks in Wonderland and the shiny paint peeling might leave a nightmare behind--one that Tony and Steve will need each other more than ever, to escape.”

when i run out of road, you bring me home by quidhitch

““Oh, I won’t bother you.” The tone of Steve’s voice implies that he definitely will be bothering Tony, aggressively and frequently. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll keep to my farm, you keep to yours. Solitude together.”

Tony opens his mouth to argue that that’s not how this works, but he snaps it shut at the realization that Steven Grant Rogers is fucking with him. That twinkle in his eye has accelerated into a full-on glimmer, and the ends of his lips are twitching. Jesus, he hates this man. Or maybe he wishes he did. Tony can’t really tell the difference anymore.”

Down in Lonesome Town by resurrectedhippo

“Tony eyes him. “Why do I always find my way back to you?”

Maybe he didn’t necessarily return to Steve, but fate is a funny little thing, and after living a life of loss, Steve wants something that’s his to keep. Tony deserves a love that’s unrestrained; Steve thinks he’ll erupt with it.

Love is messy, not easy, and takes work.

Maybe love feels like rage.

But maybe love could just be jumping off a rocky mountain and smiling anyway.

After the universe is restored, Steve is lost without any direction. Retiring from the Avengers, he moves across the country and ends up building a house by a misty blue lake. Across the bridge is Tony Stark’s new workshop.”

In the Stillness of Remembering by elise_509

“Steve Rogers is a reminder of a past that Tony Stark would rather forget. But when Steve’s own ghosts suddenly become the present, Tony finds he and Steve need each other to face the future.”

Good For You by orbingarrow

“Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.”

SERIES:

Pulse-Point by itsallAvengers

Guys and Bots by Annie D (scaramouche)

AUTHORS:

I love very deeply each author of the fics I’ve listed, but these are the main blogs I follow here on tumblr who regularly post 1K (more or less) words fic:

@omg-just-peachy

@no-gorms

@maguna-stxrk

@natasharxmanov

@s-horne

@firebrands

@iam93percentstardust

@anthonyed

@ad1thi

@littlemissstark

@chirriko

@tinytonysnark

(Plus self-spam: MrsWinterBreath , my own ao3 profile!)

Lastly, check @sabrecmcstonyficrecs blog by @sabrecmc who is not only an extremely talented writer themself, but also incredibly patient and kind enough to offer masterposts with fics about any Stony trope you could ever think of!!!

This is a non-exhaustive list because there are a LOT more authors out there that deserve their works to be read, so I suggest you giving it a chance even to fics and authors you’ve never heard of, you might find a masterpiece without even realising it!!!!

And most importantly: always leave a kudos and comment if you liked what you read, this way I guarantee you the authors will be more than happy to keep on providing you with amazing works!!!!

[vesuvian-american-fics]

better with time. Ch 13

annie leonhart.

You learn about Annie Leonhart, some questions are answered, while more form in their place. (AO3)

Words: 2,143 Two more days passed before Hange finally submitted to Levi’s pestering and protesting to put you back to work. You were thankful for it though, sitting alone with your thoughts and wracking your brain for your lost memories quickly grew boring. You were weary, and looking forward to getting out of bed and doing someone around other people, be it cleaning or eating. Something, some sort of human interaction. You were dressing for the day, just buttoning up your oversized blouse when the door was forcefully kicked open. It was later in the afternoon so; you suppose Levi assumed you’d be dressed and was uncomfortably surprised to find you only half way done. He quickly turned his back to you and you did the same gasping at his intrusion. If he was nervous you couldn’t tell, his demeanor didn’t change. His voice was steady as ever, his body language showed he was unfazed for the most part. “Sleeping in i guess. You got cleaning duty today, made sure the kitchen was nice and filthy for you.” He said as he quickly shut the door behind him. You could tell he hadn’t left just yet as you saw his shadow linger on the other side. He heaved a long-suffering sigh before you heard him bark at some other innocent victim and stalked off. Your shoulders finally relaxed as he left, a warm heat rushing to your cheeks momentarily. You groaned as you quickly finished dressing, wearing an oversized pair of slacks to match your shirt and some heavy-duty boots. You tied your hair back to keep it out of your face while you worked for the day. Awkwardly, you poked your head out into the hallway to check if the coast was clear of Levi. You’d hate to run back into him after that run in earlier. You knew he couldn’t care less, but still you weren’t looking to address that just yet. You looked left, right, and then left one last time. No one was around, you released a puff a breath before stepping into the hall.

“Who are you avoiding!” Hange shouted right behind you. They must have just materialized out of thin air, because truly you were sure no one was in the hallway just a moment ago. You felt as if you jumped about four feet into the air, your heart hammering hard in your chest. “N-no one Hange! Where did you come from?” You asked, stupefied at Hange’s apparent speed. “Never mind that, where you headed then?” Hange always had a talent for ignoring your questions, whether intentional or not. You sighed before responding, telling Hange that you’re headed to the kitchen to clean. “Ohh, sounds fun!” They playfully mused before telling you about what they had planned for the day. Training, research, more training, a meeting with Levi and Erwin, dinner, and then more research. “Commander Erwin? I thought he wasn’t coming for a few more weeks?” You inquired, cutting into your friend's dialogue. Hange explained that after Erwin heard about how your test went that he put all of his affairs on hold to come down and discuss next steps. “What do you think will happen...?” Instantly, Hange could sense your unease. Fear of the unknown, anxiety must be eating away at you. They wrapped an arm around your body before giving you’re a comforting squeeze. “Don’t worry. This is all just to understand your situation better. The quicker we figure you out, the quicker things can settle for you.” Hange gave you a small smile, their eyes crinkling along with it. You could tell by the darkening bags under their eyes that they were sleepy, working through the night to meet deadlines. Writing up reports and filling out their notes... their notes about you. You couldn’t help but fear you were causing them trouble but, its not like it’s something Hange, Levi, and Erwin could ignore. And not just them, Moblit and Mike were picking up more slack to help the others. Taking more shifts to train the young scouts in their absence. All while still going out on expeditions and scouting the perimeters once a week. Your arrival changed a lot of things for these people. You smiled back to Hange, in hopes to take some of the edge off of them. Hange always had fun talking to you, and you were a great listener. Thus, it always cheers them up to see you happy and more comfortable with each passing day. That’s what friends are for. You were eternally grateful to Hange Zoe, your first friend since becoming human again. Understanding, patient, kind, funny, a great distraction from all of the noise in your mind. As the two of you reached the kitchen you both parted ways, waving good bye as you both went to handle your duties for the days. At the end of the hall, you caught a glimpse of Levi’s shiny black hair slipping into a room and following behind him was Hange, while Commander Erwin held the door for the both of them. He gave you a curt nod and professional smile before closing the door. He was out of sight now but still you felt compelled to nod back to the man, and so you did just that before turning on your hell and walking into the canteen to clean. Inside you were immediately introduced to two sets of large eyes boring into your own. One set an impressive golden hue, and the other a lovely mahogany brown. A third pair farther away looked you over once before they averted their gaze to the broom in their hand. Clumsily you stumbled off to the side to put some space between you and them. They were young, at least ten years your junior. A boy with a shaved head, large owlish eyes, one curious brow cocked hard as he studied you. A girl with her hair pulled back into a high pony tail, a loaf of bread stuck into her mouth and crumbs dusting her cheeks. “Um, hello...” You said sheepishly, you stuttered feeling awkward as they stared intently at you unblinkingly. “Are you really a titan?” The girl asked, her voice muffled as it was still filled with food. The boy next to her frowned before turning to her and snatching the loaf from her mouth. “Oi Sasha, you can’t just ask things like that!” She ignored his scolding in favor of fighting for her food back

while the third off into the corner scoffed at the comment. “Why not? She’s another one just like Jaeger... and Annie.’’ He said, he seemed to be sulking but you weren’t sure why. However, you were interested in what he had to say, and he seemed to pick up on that. “Jean...” The one with the golden eyes warned. “She clearly wants to know Connie. And I doubt there's any harm in telling her about Annie, it’s been months.” Connie, Sasha, and Jean. Weeks ago, you remember Levi telling you about these three, they seemed close, always eating together at every meal. Just as Connie opened his mouth to protest you interjected. “If you don’t mind! Please, I keep hearing about her but I don’t know anything about it. What happened?” You asked, eyes darting between Connie and Jean. During the momentary silence Sasha finally managed to get her bread back from Connie and she scurried off to a table to eat in peace and listen to the story. Connie shrugged his shoulders before going to plop down in his seat next to Sasha, he laid his head onto his folded arms while he listened to Jean retell the events that took places months ago, not too long before you were found and taken into custody. “Months ago, just before you got here there was an abnormal titan chasing us through the woods during an expedition trying to take Eren. Well, long story short that titan was actually a girl named Annie and she was a part of the Military Police in the capital.” You gawked at the news, trying to understand the implications. “But how?” “Exactly! No one knew, we found out on accident about Eren, he didn’t even know he was a titan but that was back at our first mission. Annie seemed to know what she was doing, she’s a spy for someone. Any who-––” Jean continued recalling the story, how so many people died including all but one of Levi’s old squad. How Annie escaped but at this moment, they still weren’t aware that she was the titan. Erwin had growing suspicions, but his quick thinking helped them to realize that titan was lurking about in scout gear. He told you about how Armin created a plan to capture Annie but that it ended up costing a lot of civilian lives, but they learned a lot in the end despite it all. Your expression fell, and heavy weight landing on your shoulders. “I’m... I’m sorry for the loss. That’s terrible.” The room fell silent for a moment, you had long abandoned your chores in favor of giving the story your full attention but it left you disturbed and with plenty of questions running amuck in your mind. “Where is she now?” You asked innocently, looking between the three kids. Sasha opened her mouth getting ready to answer but just before she spoke Levi was stepping through the door. Sasha, Connie, and Jean simultaneously snapped to their feet and stood straight with their lips pursed shut for their Captain. “I don’t know that you lot were ever given permission to talk about that with her.” He said, his voice icy. Your heart dropped; you hadn’t meant to get them in trouble. You didn’t know it was anything classified. “I’m sorry, it was my fault for asking–-” “ Quiet .” He snapped. You stepped to the side so he could address his scouts without you in the way. Your heart was stuttering in your chest. You felt like you really messed up now. Not only were they getting scolding by Captain Levi, but with Annie’s story being classified now you look extremely suspect to him. Of course, luck would have it that he walked in just as you were asking where she was. His hands planted themselves on his hips, he sighed before she addressed the three brats. “Don’t let me catch any of you talking about that again. Got it?” The three scouts quickly nodded their heads in unison before chanting a ‘sir yes sir’ and placing their fist over their heart. Without another word they picked up their mops and brooms and got back to work. Levi’s eyes scanned towards yours, he didn’t have to say a word. You understood exactly what he was saying. “Don’t ask the scouts any questions.” “I’m sorry.” You whispered. With the tense relationship you had

with Levi, you never imagined you’d apologize to him about anything, but this, this was in regards to his trust in you. You did not want to tarnish the progress you made for anything. You feared, if Levi couldn’t trust you, nothing in your life would progress the way you wanted. He didn’t respond, instead he just walked out the room and after hesitating a moment you rushed after the man. “Wait, Levi.” You called after him, he stopped in his tracks before looking back over his shoulder to you waiting on you to continue. “I’m sorry about your loss. Your last squad...” You chose your words wisely, afraid to overstep, but you didn’t want him to leave without you giving your condolences. His eyes softened a moment before he turned himself forward. He took a moment to respond, taking time to remember his fallen comrades. “It comes with the job. Get back in there and finish cleaning. Silently .” He spoke, his voice was softer than usual, almost hushed to a whisper. You stayed staring at the back of his head a moment before doing as told, you turned back towards the doors to the canteen and stepped inside. Hearing the doors shut quietly behind you, Levi let a puff of air slip passed his parted lips. He rolled his head back to glance at the ceiling, or rather, toward the sky obscured by the ceiling. He thought of many people he lost over the years, in all this time only people who were like him gave a damn about their deaths. Only the scout regimen cared and even then, not everyone would console him, not that he was needing consolation in that moment. But... it was a pleasant surprise. In that moment, Levi was thankful to you. You gave him a moment of peace to remember his long-lost friends, he made a mental note to go a little softer on you for a few days. Just a few days.

[thatonerandomfan4]

Rockwell’s History [READ WARNINGS]

----------------------------------------------

Fandom: Madness Combat

Characters: Dr. Crackpot, Dr. Hofnarr, Dr. Jebediah Christoff, Phobos, Hank, Sanford, Deimos, 2BDamned, Jebus, Tricky, Rockwell (My OC), Rockwell’s Parents

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Death, Gore, Attacking, Detailed Gore Scenes, Cursing, Transphobia, Crying, Injuries, Very Sensitive Topics, Angst, Heavy Angst, Long Story

Summary: Talking About Rockwell’s Backstory And How He Became Part Of The Madcom Group.

Word Count: 2,681

Notes: Rockwell Is Trans. His Original Name Was Roxannie (Pronounced As Roxanne) Roxannie Will Be In The First Half Of The Fic Until She Makes The Transition.

If You Feel Very Uncomfortable/Dislike The Topics That Are Going To Be In This Fic, Please Leave The Fic Now So You Don’t Have To Experience It And Triggers You. 

Also, If You Dislike Fics That Involves Peoples Made Up Characters (OCs), Then You Are Welcome To Leave The Fic. 

--------------------------------------------------

Roxannie Woke Up To Her Alarm Clock And Quickly Got Dressed, Heading Downstairs To Get Breakfast. Her Mother Greeted Her With A “Good Morning” And A Warm Smile. Roxannie Sat At The Table, Greeting Her Father. She Took One Bite Of Her Cereal Until The Table Was Knocked Over. With A Frightened Look, She Looked At Her Father And Screamed. His Head Was Chopped Clean Off With His Chest Wide Open, Revealing That His Internal Organs Were Tampered With. She Was About To Cry Until She Heard Her Mother Scream. 

Instead Of Staying At The Table, She Ran To The Room Her Mother Was In. As Soon As Roxannie Stepped Foot In The Living Room, She Was Met With A Horrifying Sight.Her Mother Was Brutally Cut In Half With Her Face Missing From Her Head. The Top Half Of Her Body Hung From The Ceiling By A Sword Which Impaled Her. The Bottom Half Of Her Body Was On The Floor, In A Pile With Her Internal Organs. Annie Almost Gagged At The Sight, Until She Saw The Man Who Had Caused Her Parent’s Deaths. A Tall Dark Figure With Red Eyes Approached Her With A Hammer. It Grabbed Her Firmly By The Neck And Bashed Her Head Twice, Revealing Her Brain. 

It Left Her On The Ground Struggling To Stay Alive, Leaving Only A Tablet Behind. Rox Used It To Contact For Help, But Could Barely Stay Conscious Due To Her Brain Being Exposed. Luckily, There Was A Fast Response. The Mysterious Person Was Immediately Able To Track Her Location And Tell Her To Stay Where She Is. She Agreed And Just Laid In Front Of The Tablet, Trying Not To Lose Consciousness. About 45 Minutes Had Passed So Far, And She Was Starting To Feel Her Eyelids Get Heavy.

A Man Rushed In And Immediately Injected Her With Some Type Of Medicine. She Immediately Struggled To Stand Up, Before Being Forced To Sit Down. Her Head Was Bandaged Properly Before She Was Helped Up. She Didn’t Even Get A Chance To Thank The Strange Man Because He Immediately Rushed Her Out Of The House And Into His Vehicle. The Whole Car Ride Was Quiet Except For Roxannie’s Cries, Mourning The Death Of Her Parents. 

She Couldn’t Even Form Sentences Or Explain To The Man That Saved Her What Happened Because Of How Upset She Was. He Felt Bad For Her, Trying To Give Her Anything She Could Keep Her Mind Busy With Until They Got To The Place. She Didn’t Really Want Anything Though, Other Than To Let Out What She Was Experiencing Now. Once They Arrived To Their Destination, She Was Immediately Brought Into A Lab Where A Bunch Of Scientists Were Working. The Man Led Her Into A Room Where A Small Chubby Man Chatted With A Tall, Stern Looking Guy.

Dr. ??: “Hofnarr, Christoff. I Uh….Got The Child.”

The Two Men Looked Over And Immediately Rushed To Roxannie. They Hugged Her And Did Their Best To Comfort Her In Any Way Possible In That Moment.

Dr. Christoff: “Thank You, Crackpot. We’ll Let You Know If We Need Anything Else.”

Crackpot Nodded And Left The Room, Leaving The 3 Alone As Christoff Shut The Door. Hofnarr Tried To Calm Her Down And Talk With Her. It Was Very Hard To Understand The Girl Through Her Crying And Incoherent Words, Even For Him. Hofnarr Just Held Her Close And Consulted Her, Doing His Best To Calm Her Down. Christoff Sat Down Next To The Two And Offered Rox With A Glass Of Water. She Took The Water And Drank Half Of The Glass, Keeping The Drink In Her Hand While The Two Older Men Did Their Best To Help Her Relax.

Once She Was Calm Enough, They Finally Got Her To Explain What Had Happened. She Told Them Every Detail From This Morning, Keeping It Short And Sweet At The End. Hofnarr And Christoff Frowned, Hugging And Comforting Her Again. It Was Very Hard For Someone To Go Through All That Trauma, Especially For Someone At Her Age. Hell, The Kid Was Only 14. She Barely Knew How To Even React Or See Something Like That. She Needed A Lot Of Therapy To Get Past That Traumatic Event.

Hofnarr: “Hey Christoff. Do You Think Phobos Will Let Us Keep Her Here With Us?”

Christoff: “Maybe, With A Lot Of Bribing.”

Roxannie: “F-Forgive Me For I-Interrputing Your C-Conversation...But Wh-Who’s Ph-Phobos?”

Hofnarr: “Oh! Don’t Worry, You Aren’t Interrupting Anything. And Phobos Is Our Boss. We Need All Permission From Him To Do Anything Around Here.”

Christoff: “Kinda Sucky, But We’re Even Lucky If He’s In A Good Enough Mood To Pay Us.”

They Chat For A Bit Before Heading To Phobos’ Office, Staying Together The Whole Trip. Once They Reached Their Destination, They All Greeted Phobos Before Saying Anything About Roxannie. Phobos Obviously Had To Ask First And The Two Scientists Explained The Whole Situation. Phobos Took A Minute To Think Before Accepting Their Request To Allow Her To Stay. Ending It With “I Don’t Care How, But As Long As She’s Not A Big Distraction To You Two And Works With What She Can.” Of Course They All Had To Agree To That.

They All Headed Out The Door And Back To The Breakroom. Hofnarr Figured She Was Still Hungry And Offered To Make Her A Snack And A Drink. Christoff Just Offered Her To Stay With Them So She Has A Place To Sleep And Stay Instead Of The Lab. Rox Agreed To Both And Walked With The Two Men. On The Way Back To The Lab, Hofnarr Was Smiling, Gently Gripping Onto Rox’s Hand. Christoff Took Notice Of This And Chuckled. He Watched His Husband For A While. It Was Only Now When He Asked About His Sudden Cheery Mood.

Christoff: “What’s Got You All Giddy, Hoffy?”

Hofnarr: “We Have A Child Of Our Own Christoff! Aren’t You Excited To Be A Parent?”

Christoff Just Smiled As Hofnarr Went On About The Wonders Of Raising A Child Of Their Own. He Goes On Fantasies About Vacation, Family Outings, Family Dinners And Other Things. Roxannie Gripped Her New Parent’s Hands Gently, Smiling Softly. She Was Going To Start A New Family And These Were Her New Parents. She Didn’t Mind That, She Loved Supporting People Who Were In Relationships With The Same Gender.

---------------------------------------------

A Few Years Later…

---------------------------------------------

Hofnarr: “Rox, You Ready?”

Roxannie: “Yeah I’m Coming!”

She Placed Her Bandana On And Adjusted It To Be Over Her Bandages, Flattening Out Her Lab Coat. She Turned The Light Off In The Bathroom And Headed Downstairs To The Door, Greeting Her Two Dads As They Hugged Her. They Headed Towards The Lab While Hofnarr Was Going On About How Lucky They Were To Be A Family. Christoff Occasionally Threw In A Few Things, Chuckling At Hofnarr’s Responses.

Once They Got To The Labs, Everything Seemed Normal Except For A Few Stressed Out Scientists. The Shaking Scientists Greeted The 3 And Gave Them Information To Keep Safe. Hofnarr Took Roxannie With Him As He Usually Does For The Morning. Christoff Set Out To His Office, Looking Around At The Messed Up Experiments. He Scoffed At The Thought Of Phobos Actually Trying To Be Successful With This….Project. Christoff And Hofnarr Agreed That This Whole “Project Nexus” Thingy Would Not Be On For Long. Someone Would Definitely Stop Him, Even If It Had To Be One Of Them. 

Not Even A Minute Later, Hofnarr Had A Worried Look On His Face As The Sound Of Gunshots Could Be Heard From The Other Lab. Rox Stayed Close To Hofnarr Just In Case Anything Happened. They Kept Hearing Gunshots From The Other Lab, Not Knowing What On Earth Was Going Down. Hofnarr Was Upset, What Was Happening To His Husband? Was He Ok? Was He Hurt? He Held Onto Rox As He Tried Not To Cry About The Thoughts That Were Running Through His Mind.

Hofnarr: “I Hope Christoff Is Ok. I Don’t Want To Lose Him Like We Almost Lost You.”

Roxannie: “I-I’m Sure He’ll Be Ok, Dad. And Hey, If I’m Still Here, He’ll Still Be Here.” *She Hugged Him Close. Hofnarr Gave Her A Soft Yet Sad Smile.*

Hofnarr: “I Sure Hope So.”

They Waited About 30 Minutes To Half An Hour Until Someone Entered The Room. As The Two Turned Around, Hofnarr Rushed To Hug The Man. It Was Christoff, And Thankfully He Wasn’t Injured That Badly As He Though. Christoff Went Over To Rox And Hugged Her, Handing Her A Gun As He Also Gave Hofnarr A Gun. He Wanted To Keep His Family Safe While This Whole Messed Up Thing Was Happening.

Hofnarr: “You’ve Made Quite A Mess Christoff.”

Christoff: “They’ve Gone Too Far. If We Don’t Stop This Now...”

A Few Agents Entered The Room, And Christoff Killed Them With The Help Of His Husband And Daughter. Hofnarr Sweated And Gulped, Keeping Roxannie Close To Him.

Hofnarr: “I See We Have No Other Choice…”

They Murdered The Agents Who Kept Coming And Headed Out. Hofnarr Unlocked All The Control Panels As The Continued Through The Lab, Killing Any Agents, Zombies Or Any Failed Experiments. It Took A While Until They Got The Whole Place Cleared But They Were Able To Do It Without Much Harm Going To Them. They Got To The Last Room With The Control Panel And Hofnarr Started Getting Worried. He Looked At Christoff While They Got Rid Of The Last Few Agents With Rox Guarding The Door.

Hofnarr: “Ya Know Phobos Will Finish Us For This.”

Christoff Looked At Hofnarr After Shooting The Last Agent, Ending The Life Of The Betrayer.

Christoff: “Phobos Better Watch His Back..”

Hofnarr Unlocked The Last Control Panel And Looked Around The Room. He Started Heading Out After Christoff And Roxannie, Staying Close To Them While They Walked. Eventually Hofnarr Took The Lead Of The Group To Make Sure That The Other Two Were Safe. He Opened The Door Outside For Them Both, And Closed It After They Were Far Ahead Of Hofnarr. He Followed Them And Took The Lead After A Few Minutes. He Then Looked At Christoff As They Approached Phobos’ Tower.

Hofnarr: “Everything Depends On You Now.” *He Used His Key Card To Unlock The Door And Let Christoff In, Keeping Roxannie Back* “Good Luck, Old Friend..”

They Watched Christoff Walk Into The Tower, And Headed Back To The Lab. Hofnarr Kept His Daughter Close To Him, Trying To Keep Her From Breaking Down Like How She Was When They First Met. They Knew Christoff Was Only Doing This For Their Own Good, And To Stop This Whole Thing From Ruining Nevada Even More. They Walked Into The Lab And Immediately Went To The Breakroom, Setting Their Weapons Down By The Table When They Got There.

They Got Some Food And Drinks While They Chatted, Sitting Down So They Wouldn’t Fall If One Was Upset Or Panicked. They Chatted About Christoff And How….Cold He Looked When He Walked Into Hofnarr’s Lab. Rox Was Scared By His Look, As It Was Her First Time Seeing Him Like That. Hofnarr Had Already Known This Look So He Was Pretty Used To It. 

They Kept The Conversation Going By Talking About Other Stuff Like Work, Family Life, Dinners, And Especially That One Dinner Night. That Was The First Time Rox Had Seen Hofnarr Angry, And Not A Playful Or Slightly Irritated Angry. It Wasn’t His Fault They Were Banned From That Restaurant Though. The Boy Walked Up To Rox And Went “Tsk. You Wanna Be Trans? That’s Gross. You’re A Girl And You Will Always Be A Girl.” Hofnarr Was Just Defending His Daughter...By Attacking The Boy With A Chair.

They Were At The Lab For About An Hour To An Hour And A Half Just Chatting And Wandering Around. After A Bit, They Headed Outside And Met Up With Christoff Again.The Only Difference About Him Was That He Was Wearing The Key Fragment On His Head. Jeb Greeted The Two And Lead Them Back Inside The Lab. This Was Going To Be A Strange Experience For All Of Them.

-------------------------------------------

A Few More Long Years Later…

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Sanford And Deimos Turn The Corner, Shooting The Agents That Tried Approaching Them. The Two Headed Into The Room And Killed All The Agents In Sight. Then They Saw Her….Roxannie On The Floor Unconscious. They Both Inspected Her Body And Picked Her Up, Keeping Her With Them. They Finished With Their Mission And Brought Her Back To Base. The Brought Her To Hank And 2B Where They Inspected Her Body. 

After She Woke Up, She Made A Request To The Doctor. She Wanted To Be A Man. The Doctor Hesitated Before Agreeing, Putting Her Under Anesthesia. He Waited A Few Minutes Before Finally Getting To Work. He Wrapped Him Up And Successfully Did Both Top And Bottom Surgery. Doc Finished With Replacing The Bandage On His Head, Cleaning The Wound Before Putting Anything On There. 

After That, Doc Gave Rockwell Medicine To Help With The Pain. He Helped Rocky Walk And Get Used To Using The Bathroom. After That, Doc Gave Rockwell Some Clothes To Wear: A White Shirt With Ripped Sleeves, A Black Vest. A Belt To Go Over His Chest, Black Pants And Another Belt To Keep Them Up, Black Boots, Goggles With One Side Red And The Other Black And A Gas Mask. He Also Put His Hair Into A PonyTail.

Rockwell Put Everything On And Headed Outside, Ordered By Hank, To Fight The Clown. Rocky Took A Look At The Clown And…….Wait….That Lab Coat Looks So Familiar…..Was It..No It Couldn’t Be….HOFNARR?! But..He Looked Way Different Than Before.

Tricky: “WHO ARE YOU?! NEVERMIND THAT- CLOWN KILLS YOU!!”

Rockwell: “No Wait-!”

Tricky Whacked Rocky Pretty Hard In The Face, His Gas Mask Had To Be Removed. After Rockwell Removed His Goggles, Tricky Gasped And Dropped His Stop Sign..He Looked Like He Wanted To Cry.

Tricky: “Ro-Roxannie…?”

Rockwell, Holding His Jaw In Place: “It’th Rockwell Now, D-Dad.”

Tricky Immediately Hugged His Child, Healing His Jaw And Forming A Metal Plate Over The Injury. Rockwell Hugged Tricky Back, Both Squeezing The Shit Out Of Each Other. Tricky Kept His Son Close, Until They Heard Footsteps Approach From Behind Rockwell. It Was Jeb….Well...Christoff But He Didn’t Look That Different. 

Jebus: “Tricky, What Are You Doing?! He’s On Hank’s Side!” *He Took Out His Binary Sword, And Swung It Up*

Tricky Backed Away And Ran To Jeb, Trying To Stop Him.

Tricky: “JEB NO HURT HIM!! GUY IS-”

It Was Too Late. Jeb Swung And Cut Rockwell Almost In Half.

Tricky: “Roxannie-”

Jeb Looked Frightened. Oh God, What Had He Done? He Removed His Sword And Watched Rockwell’s Limp Body Fall To The Ground. The Savior Broke Out In Tears. He Just Murdered His Own Child, Or He Thought He Did. He Was Relieved When He Heard Rockwell. He Was Still Alive! How? That Didn’t Matter, He Was Just Happy His Son Was Alive Still.

Jeb Rushed Over To Rockwell And Healed Him, Summoning Bandages And Wrapping Him Up. He Was Still Crying From What He Had Done. Tricky Joined Them Both, Starting A Group Hug With All Of Them As They Reunited. Sanford, Deimos, Hank And 2B Rushed Out As Tricky Helped Rockwell Up And Jeb Healed Him Again.

Sanford: “Oh Cool, So I Guess We Can Call A Truce.”

Deimos And 2B Agreed, Hank Didn’t. Wimbleton Didn’t Like The Idea Of Living With His Enemies, Especially If They Act Nice And Turn On Them In The End. Hank Disagreed And Left To Blow Off Some Steam, It Was Gonna Take A Long While To Convince Him. Sanford And Deimos Ended Up Adopting Rockwell While Tricky And Jeb Readopted Him. Rockwell Now Lives With The Crew, With Having 4 Parents Who Support And Care About Him, 2B Who Takes Care Of His Wounds And Trans Stuff, And Hank...

[wallofweird]

I’m so excited for season 5! What are you most excited for? 😍😍😍

And did you see they’ll bring the covid theme to this season?

I’m so sorry I haven’t answered this sooner, I think I probably read this ask while I was sleepy and decided to reply it later and then forgot there was something in my inbox. I’m really messy, so I apologize, but thank you for sending me this, I really appreciate when people come to talk to me. :)

Yes, I did see that they will bring COVID-19 to the plot! I’m glad that’s happening because even though This Is Us is all about The Pearsons, they are conscious about what’s happening in the US, the world and at each specific timeline. They’ve addressed to some extent The Cold War, The Vietnam War, racial segregation etc, even small things like fashion and musical trends (like Kate being obsessed with Alanis Morissette, this is such a 90/2000′s thing and I believe she was listening to Hanson when she was upset after her first break up?). So not addressing COVID-19 would feel wrong, I’m sure they will address the Black Lives Matter movement and maybe even police brutality and the presidential election too to some extent. Of course, the focus will still be The Pearsons and all these life-changing events happening in the big three’s and Rebecca’s lives, but they will acknowledge how the world will be affecting their lives too.

By the way, this turned out to be waaaaaaaaaaay longer than I expected it to be and I apologize for it, haha. By the way, this is in NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

So, about what I’m most excited for, well, that’s really a hard question because there are so many things left to explore and so many different places they can go. I guess one way to put it is that I’m more curious about the unseen and barely seen stuff. For example, I believe we’ve seen enough about Jack and Rebecca as parents of children and teenagers, so I wouldn’t mind if they reduced those scenes a little bit. I’d love to see them as parents of babies (which would be a great parallel with Kevison and Katoby), or when they first started dating, when they got engaged, when they were newlyweds. And I believe it’s not a coincidence that we’ve hardly seen any of those experiences regarding Rebecca and Jack, it feels like they saved it for when Kevin finally found the one (cough Madison cough).

I’d also like to see more of them before getting to know each other, their childhood and teenage/young years (we already know there will be one flashback on the first episodes at least!), maybe a little bit of their other relatives as well. Like, what happened to their parents and Rebecca’s sister? Specially Jack’s mother, he mentions she made three clothes for the babies, so she was still around when the big three were born and that was eight years after their first encounter. 

I’d love to see more of past timelines that haven’t been visited enough as well. The 20′s is my favorite episode from season 2, I loved the storylines in there and mostly loved to see Kevin, Randall and Kate in their late 20s. Show me more of what was happening in their lives back then! Also, show me more of Randall and Beth as newlyweds and first-time parents too and more parallels with Kevison, please?

Kate. I know that eating disorders and insecurity just don’t go away, that they can be a daily struggle and anytime they can haunt you back and make you relapse. I’m glad the show explores that. However, they also work on Randall’s anxiety and Kevin’s addiction really well and have given them more different stories. I want the same for her. I’m glad that she is also married and has an expanding family of hers, but it seems like she post-poned her career again and I’d like to see her working again at some point. Also, what happens to her in the future? We saw a flash-forward that was like, two years from now and she was all dressed-up and seemed to be writing a song. I hope things are going well for her. And no, I doubt she is dead. 

More about ‘the others’. Show me more of Madison, Beth, Toby and Miguel! Why isn’t Madison close with her family? How did she develop bulimia? Isn’t there really anyone who she count on in her family? Will they reconcile or has she left them for good to make her own family like Jack did (another potential for parallels, btw). I remember Beth mentioning to William that she had a lot sisters and lived with an enormous amount of people and we kind of saw it on the few episodes that centered on her, but what are her sisters like? How were their dynamic while growing up and what is it like now? Same for Toby, he has mentioned having a brother and a sister and it looks like they’re not that close, but Toby really loves and admires Kate’s bond with her brothers, so I feel like he craves that kind of relationship to himself and I’d like to know why he doesn’t seem to have it with with his own siblings. Plus, Miguel. He has biological children and grandchildren and yet he seems to be closer to Rebecca’s side of the family. And we’ve seen him with his biological family and know it is complicated, but couldn’t they fix or at least change that a little bit?

Randall’s biological family. Memphis is one of my favorite episodes from season 1 and one thing that was very satisfying and rewarding to see was Randall bonding with his biological family. The show has done a great job showing how Randall felt a vacancy in his entire life for being black in a racist world, for being black in a white family, for dealing with racism in his own family, for not having enough black references for a long period of his life, for being adopted, for being abandoned, for not knowing anything about his biological family, for not sharing genetic traits with his family, for still feeling like an outsider among some black folks he tried to connect with. He said it once that he either tries too hard or not hard enough, but he never manages to GET IT RIGHT. So when he met his biological family in Memphis, it was sort of an awakening, fulfilling moment after 36 years of dealing with all those complex feelings. And that was all, which is one of my few disappointments with the show. However, Sterling has talked about it and it seems that they will explore that again. And if they do, I hope he can introduce Beth and the girls to his uncles and cousins! Sure, he is closer to The Pearsons, but it wouldn’t hurt to have him spending time with his biological/extended family at least for one episode on seasons 5 and 6, right?

Final closure for Kevin and Sophie. I thought episode 3x16 was the perfect closure for them: Sophie talked to him about Grant and how he was her soulmate, they recognized the fact Kevin didn’t commit to their relationship as he did with his relationship with Zoe, they said goodbye without any hard feelings, he went back to Zoe and said he wanted to have a life with her and bought Sophie and Grant tickets to a concert. It was perfect. Then, I guess they wanted to play with the ‘who’s the baby mama’ question for one last time and brought her back as a plot device. It didn’t feel natural at all. They threw in two stories about a game they had imagining different endings to Good Will Hunting and her family ring out of nowhere, no previous hints, built-up or whatsoever. It felt like something made last minute to fuel them enough so she could be considered a baby mama/wife contender again after how badly their relationship played out with the cheating, hiding, lying, heartbreak and overall dynsfunctionality and the fact he dated Zoe for a year and saw himself marrying her. Even the way their relationship has been portrayed over the course of the show, it is an idealization. When Kevin is fine and happy, when his career is going smoothly, when he is life is well, he doesn’t think about her. When he gets frustrated and deluded, he runs back to her. It’s not a constant sentiment of missing her and longing for her, it’s a desperate move and Justin has talked about it and even compared it to his addiction and a unhealthy coping mechanism. So I just want them to definitely shut the door on it now. I believe they have done 50% already with them watching the ending of the movie and saying “it was better than they could've possibly imagined” and Sophie laughing at his billboard, not giving any hints of seeing him in a romantic light anymore. Now, they just need to write some closure to the ring. Give it a proper ending and move forward.

Deja, Tess and Annie. The girls are growing up! So keep giving them more things to do, specially Tess, she is one of the few LGBTQIA+ characters in the universe of the series, so I hope they explore her even more. Specially since she’s come out to her school not so long ago and it is in a phase of her life when the first crushes and relationships tend to happen, there are a lot of things they can do with that and I’m sure we from the LGBTQIA+ community would love to see it. Also, show me them in the flash-forwards! I’d also appreciate if we saw Tess having a love interest and a wlw kiss in the future. 

Deja and her biological family. She’s adopted by Randall and Beth, but she has a whole story before them, she has a mother that is apparently doing well too and is a part of her identity. Showing adoptive and biological families having a well-balanced relationship for the sake of their child would be refreshing and really important and they could show the contrast between Deja’s and Randall’s experiences. There is a lot of potential there.

Hailey. I have no idea how the adoption process works in California/the US, but I hope the little one comes as soon as possible! And adult Hailey is adorable, too, she seems to be such a devoted sister, so I hope to see more of that as well.

Unexplored or underdeveloped dynamics. I know that Jack, Rebecca, Kate, Randall and Kevin are the leading characters. I know Jack/Rebecca, Randall/Beth, Kate/Toby and now Kevin/Madison are the main couples and they will have a lot of screen time. I know Kate and Kevin have a special bond because they are twins. I know Kevin and Nicky have a special bond because he stayed with his uncle and helped him with his sobriety. I know Kevin has a special bond with his nieces and baby Jack because he is the last one to become a parent. I know all of that and I don’t want that to change. Still, it doesn’t hurt to mix it up and shake things up a little bit. Give me a little bit of Randall and baby Jack, show me a little bit of Kate and Nicky, bring back a little bit of that funny dynamic Kevin and Toby had on the early seasons (I remember one scene where the actors did a little bit of an ad-lib and it was awesome), give me a little bit of Madison and Randall’s girls, the women/men hanging out together and Rebecca and Miguel! We’ve already got confirmation about Rebecca and Miguel’s story being explored this season, so I’m excited about that.

Kevison, Kevison, KEVISON!! This is absolutely no surprise since I’ve been interested in them since season 2, Madison is my favorite character and a lot of my blog is dedicated to them. Just give me EVERYTHING. Again, one of my few complaints is how the main relationships happened way too fast on this show. Don’t get me wrong, I love the couples as much as the next person and I can enjoy every trope if they are done right. Still, my favorite are still the slowburn ones. As I viewer, I like to see the seed being planted, watered and the slowly growing like a real plant. I like rooting for something, knowing that it will happen, but not when and how it is going to play out. I like to see every single step of the journey: being acquainted, becoming colleagues, friends, confidants, best friends, falling in love, dating, getting engaged, married and BEING married. I love seeing little things and changes in their dynamic, like becoming more touchy, lingering looks, making each other blush, a little bit of jealousy... Sure, we got a little bit of those moments with Jack/Rebecca, Randall/Beth and Kate/Toby, but it wasn’t the same feeling because they were all love at first sight (which is one of the tropes I usually don’t like) and got together pretty quickly. And even when we saw their first meeting, or Jack being a little jealous/hurt when he saw Rebecca with her ex-boyfriend, it was more of a momentary thing than an example of changed dynamics and feelings becoming deeper and romantic. It wasn’t the result of months and a number of episodes in the making, it was a flashback we visited when we already knew the destination of their story, that it wouldn’t last and they would be happily married and the love of each other’s lives. So I specially appreciate that kevison will be the only main couple to have a different construction and development. I’d also love to see flashbacks of the time they slept together (it was afternoon when they met at Kate’s house and they went to Madison’s place and he only left the next morning! WHAT DID THEY DO DURING ALL OF THAT TIME?), which I’m quite confident we will get, but also before that. On episodes 4x10, 4x12, 4x14 and 4x18 I got the feeling that they were quite familiar with one another. They weren’t exactly friends, but they weren’t awkward with each other anymore, they were comfortable hanging out and shopping with Kate, he sweetly smiled at Madison’s quirks, Madison seemed unimpressed and annoyed when she opened the door to him and she didn’t have problems at all stepping inside Kate’s house as if she owned the place and ignoring Kevin when he told her it wasn’t a good time. Their dynamic really changed since episode 3x15 and Justin mentioned Kevin saw her as part of the family before their night together, so I wonder why. Also, some parallel flashbacks would be particulary nice. For example, they could have a flashback of Madison making a pregnancy test on a day that Kevin is babysitting Jack and daydreaming of having his own children. They could show parallels of Kevin and Madison struggling with addiction/bulimia in the past. Maybe she also lost a close relative and grief has impacted her as much as Kevin. So. Many. Possibilities. That. Can. Be. Explored!!!!! Those two are the characters that have THE MOST IN COMMON WITH ONE ANOTHER and there are a lot of things the writers can explore with that. Another particularly sweet thing that wouldn’t hurt or take more than a single minute would be a flashback of them meeting each other way before Kate. Like, if they had bumped into each other on the street years before and don’t remember it until they talk about it one day and realized they saw each other before? I’m watching this dizi (aka a Turkish TV show) where the characters are in a considerably similar situation, pregnant as a result of a drunk one-night stand after their first date and there was this moment where they were talking and she remembered she had bumped into him years ago when she was heartbroken over her ex getting engaged. It was such a small and fulfilling moment. It really gives the idea of COMING FULL-CIRCLE and I’d love to see something like that.

Kevison and the other couples enjoying their pregnancies. I feel like we see the characters with their children as much as we should, and I definitely appreciate that, but we don’t get to see them enjoying the pregnancy period. Last year, most of Kate’s pregnancy revolved around worry, for example. And I get that since it was a complicated pregnancy and she had suffered a miscarriage before, but still. Kate only has one biological child. Rebecca only got pregnant once. Madison is likely to be pregnant only one time too. We basically only saw Beth and Lucy giving birth and that was only one time for each character. It would be nice to see their pregnancies being fun. Documenting it, buying baby clothes, discussing baby names, building cribs, decorating the baby(ies) room etc. It would be nice to have flashbacks of that and specially to see KEVISON doing all of that, since this is the pregnancy that is happening at this current moment.

The characters having friends outside their families and marriage. Like I said before, I KNOW that the focus of the show are the big three and Jack and Rebecca. I know which dynamics will be more explored on the show and I don’t want that to change. However, Kate is the only one that has the luxury of two friends (Madison and Gregory). Randall got Jae-Won on season 3 (I actually think they only became real friends last season, tbh) and Kevin had Cassidy for a while and now doesn’t even seem to talk to her anymore (not that I miss it because I didn’t like their dynamic, specially after they slept together and I just wanted season 4A to focus on him and Nicky without anyone’s interference). Let them have some friends of their own too and hang out with them at least for an episode? Same goes to Beth, Toby, Rebecca and Miguel (I know he had Jack, I’m talking about present time).

Kevin’s career. For now I want him to focus on his children and Madison, but when it comes to his career, I’d like to see him doing different things. He played a soldier and a cop. Let him play different characters and show more versatility. Maybe doing voice-work on a Disney movie for his children to watch it and enjoy it? Dealing a little bit with fame, tabloids and paparazzi could be interesting as well. He’s not a big celebrity like Oscar-winner actors, but he is famous enough to be photographed on the street and have mean rumors about him spread on the media (they mentioned one about him being drunk and running over his daughter with his car), so there are many possibilities to explore when he comes to his career too.

Kate being there for Madison during the pregnancy and more moments of Kate helping and comforting her during difficult times, both in the present and the past years. This is not criticism. Kate helped her when she relapsed that one time and took care of her. It also didn’t make sense to focus on Madison that much because her character didn’t have such a big role back then. Now, things have changed and Madison will be needing her, so let Kate repay the favor.

The couples enjoying some adult time without children involved. One of the very few flaws of This Is Us. We only got that with Jack and Rebecca. The only times Kate/Toby and Beth/Randall tried to have a night just for themselves they had problems. Susan mentioned that she would like to see them going on a date and so do I? Hopefully we will see Kevin/Madison, Randall/Beth and Kate/Toby having some quality time without the kids as well.

If we get to see more of the big three as older children and teenagers (which I guess we are because unless that’s changed, the actors are still part of the main cast), I hope they show more moments of them bonding, having fun and helping each other. Having their own experiences and having each other’s back instead of problems that Jack and Rebecca try to solve for them or help them with. Let them be bigger characters and let them be close as siblings too. That episode where they watched Arsenio Hall together was particularly sweet and refreshing to see, same goes to Kevin helping Randall at school when he got a notification and was having a panic attack. However, for their teen years, I’d definitely love to see them being easy with their parents and those five having a good time together, enjoying each other and their parents for a change, specially since Jack passed away when they were only 17.

Jack, Hailey and the twins. Sure, they will be little, but I hope we get to see the cousins together for a decent amount of time. It is really nice that they are all close (Madison/Kevin/Kate), and NOW, FAMILY. It is nice that Hailey, Jack and the twins will be closer in age and not have a lonely childhood. I hope they explore that a little bit.

Jack Damon. I love him. He is creative, charismatic, funny and adorable. He is also one of the few representation of disabled people that was done right. He is a visually-impaired person played by visually-impaired actors. His disability is a part of who he is and his story, but not all of it. He is a successful musician. He has a big family with his daughter, wife, sister, cousins and uncles. I want to know more of him. Plus, the writing exploring accessibility. Episode 4x13 when Kate, Jack and Rebecca went to the retreat and we saw all those children playing and having fun and living a full life was amazing. We need more of that on TV.

Plus, what about Nicky? Who did he marry? I have an entire theory about this and I hope he can get a little family for himself. Don’t get me wrong, The Pearsons are his family too, his bond with Kevin is one of my favorite relationships in the entire show, but I’d want him to have a family outside of his extended family, too, you know?

Dr. K and Wlliam. We can never get enough from them! I don’t know how often we will see them due to the pandemics and the fact the actors are eldery, but they are the guest stars I will never grow tired of. A fantasy sequence with the entire family while having Jack, Nicky and William would be particuarly nice. They could’ve done it on episode 4x17 and I was a little frustrated that they missed the opportunity.

The future of the family and the future of the show. Rebecca is a grandmother now. Randall, Kate and Kevin are parents. Deja, Tess and Annie are growing up. Jack is 1. Madison is very close to giving birth to the twins. They’ll be 40 when the season premieres. Kevin is a year sober. They’ve all grown in so many different ways. And since Rebecca’s health and memory are deteriorating, I’d like them to be in the upfront of the narrative now. As I mentioned before, I know the leading characters are Jack, Rebecca, Kevin, Kate and Randall. I know the big three are some of biggest characters on the show. Still, when it comes to family, the narrative has always focused on Jack and Rebecca as parents and Kate, Randall and Kevin as children. They have always explored more the problems those three experience, whether is in the past or present time and Rebecca and Jack trying to help them navigate through them and solve things. Let’s reverse everything. Let Rebecca be vulnerable and having her children taking care of her. I’d also love to see more of the future timelines with Randall’s girls as young adults, Jack, Hailey and the twins as children and teenagers, them and their parents dealing with all of that. What will Randall and Beth do when they all go to college and move out? What will Kate and Toby do when their children have nightmares? What will Madison and Kevin do with the twins when they have problems at school? Let us see (more) of Randall’s, Kate’s and Kevin’s parenting style and what they got from their parents and are passing on for their kids and what is their own approach to parenthood. Let us see them passing on Jack and Rebecca’s legacy for the future generations of The Pearsons, but also making their own little traditions and having their own experiences. Let’s us see them making NEW MEMORIES FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILIES. It is a good idea to explore both on seasons 5 and 6, imo. Showing how far they have come, how this family that started with only a couple and has evolved into this gigantic fabric of people and how Jack and Rebecca will live forever though Kevin, Kate, Randall, their children, Hope and the ones from generations that are still to come.

IT’S NOT that I exactly WANT it, but iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif we really have to go there:

Kate and Toby’s divorce. I don’t want it. I love them as people. I root for them as a couple. Sure, they have faced some major problems and this season explored that, but I hope they get passed it, specially since they are about to welcome a second child. Still, I can’t come up with a good enough of an explanation why Toby isn’t wearing his wedding ring. Every possible reason that crossed my mind was either heartbreaking or underwhelming at best: there was a small incident and he will buy a new ring, they got divorced, Kate died. I don’t want any of it to happen and I bet money that Kate doesn’t die. Still, if after making such a big deal of it, it turns out that they just are buying new wedding rings or whatever, that will be so ANTICLIMACTIC. And if they do get a divorce, it will be REPETITIVE since they teased it for the entire season and they stayed married. So far, if it were for them to split up, it should have happened on season 4. If they’re reaaaaaaally gonna go there, I hope it will be done well considering there are only two seasons left, two children involved and it was something they literally played with LAST SEASON. They must find a way to make it REFRESHING AND NOT REPETITIVE. They must find a way to explore the outcome of it. Dealing with a divorce, being single again, the custody of their children and how it will change their dynamic as parents. I also want them to find a new love. Sure, it would be realistic if they ended up alone, yes, and there’s no shame in that. A lot of people don’t want to get married or never see that dream coming true and those are stories worth telling too. STILL, I’d be really frustrated with they were the only characters who ended up alone when Randall/Beth and Kevin/Madison are happily married. Even Jack and Lucy seem to be going strong! So show them finding someone else and give well-developed love stories with different people for them while exploring everything else that’s already going on too. I wanted there to be a big and plausible enough explanation why on earth Toby isn’t wearing his ring and yet is still very much married to Kate, but I recognize it is more wishful thinking.

If they still want to bring Sophie through flashbacks, then answer relevant questions than just having her there sitting next to Kevin. The divorce is a great example of storyline and it can serve as a parallel for Kevison, like, what they got right and Kevin/Sophie didn’t. Justin said Kevin cheated on her twice, so how did all of that happen? We don’t know.

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES:

Thursday, January 7th

song: drivers license-olivia rodrigo

chapter fourteen: i didn't have it in myself to go with grace

It had been a song written purely out of desperation to make sense of everything.

When Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had ended their friendship and cut off contact with another, Mikasa had been an absolute wreck.

She had no idea what to do, what she had done wrong.

So she turned to music.

Music would make everything better.

Music could make her sane.

The lyrics had been written first.

Every insecurity from high school to now came out in the lyrics. She couldn’t compose music. She didn’t have the first idea where to start. Eren had always helped with the music. She had been so frustrated. Why did every aspect of her life make her cry for him? Why did it push her deeper into depression.

“I compose music,” Historia offered.

So they went to the sun room and went to work.

It was from that moment that the band was born.

But there was one condition from Historia.

“I won’t sing this song. This is yours. If you ever want to hear it, you’ll sing and I’ll play keyboard.”

It was that song that Mikasa played on her keyboard after everyone else had left the sun room to go do their separate things.

Levi recognized it.

How could he not after the many times he had heard it?

He knew it was her way to cope. It was the song she always returned to and played for comfort.

Mikasa pretended not to see him in the doorway but once she stopped playing, he spoke.

“You need to play that for Eren,” Levi told her.

She turned her keyboard off, “I can’t. We’re trying to fix things.”

“You need to play it.”

“I can’t! It hurts too much. I...Historia won’t sing it.”

“Good, she doesn’t need to. You do. Stop being a coward,” Levi scoffed.

“I’m not!”

“You are. You’re acting like an angsty teen. Until he knows what he did, the actual severity of it, you’re never going to get past this. It’ll eat away at you until you do.”

Mikasa looked down at her keyboard and then back up at Levi. She knew he wasn’t doing this out of malice. She knew it wasn’t to hurt her. Mikasa knew Levi was saying this because at the end of the day, he was her parental figure. He didn’t want to see her in pain anymore.

Maybe that ache in her wasn’t just for Eren.

Maybe that ache was for Eren to understand how he had made her feel.

Eren had been open and honest with her, but had she done the same?

She sighed.

Levi smirked.

“I’m not saying you’re right if that’s what you’re waiting on,” Mikasa muttered.

He walked over and ruffled her hair, making it messy.

“Ah! Stop it!” Mikasa pleaded.

Sawney and Bean rushed into the sun room, happy barking filling the room.

They ran around all the instruments before they launched themselves at Mikasa, landing in her lap.

They barked again before licking her face.

“Alright, brat. Take them for a walk,” Levi walked out of the sun room.

“Fine,” Mikasa said before putting both corgis down on the floor.

---------------

For small puppies, Sawney and Bean were incredibly strong. Mikasa easily kept pace with them but she was still impressed with their strength.. Once they returned to the house, she released them from their leashes and they ran off to track down Levi.

Sasha, Annie, and Historia were in the living room this time.

“Did the bride just punch that lady in the mouth?” Historia asked.

“Yep, that’s bad form though. She probably broke her thumb,” Annie added.

“Sasha, what did you put on tv this time?” Mikasa asked after she took her shoes off.

“Some wedding show. I just flipped through channels and it came up,” Sasha shrugged.

Her friends had the absolutely worst taste in tv shows.

Mikasa sat down between Sasha and Annie.

“Is that an ambulance?” Mikasa asked.

“I told you she was going to break her thumb,” Annie answered.

“Why did she even punch her?” Sasha asked.

“I think we missed that part,” Historia answered.

So they kept watching and commenting on the ridiculous show. They never did find out why the bride punched the other woman. The next show was about stories from the ER so they ended up watching that too.

This was the same routine they fell into at the house. Someone would find something random on tv and they would watch it together. Sometimes, they had contests to see who could find the worst possible thing to watch. The more horrible the acting was, the more likely the person who found it was likely to win.

“So the icicle just fell and stabbed him?” Levi asked as he entered the room.

Historia got out of his chair. The girls all scrunched together on the couch so Historia could sit with them. They really didn’t mind.

“The ER doctor doesn’t think so. She thinks there’s more going on,” Sasha informed Levi as she turned the volume up slightly.

“Wouldn’t it go through this head if it fell off the roof?” Historia asked.

“You would think. I don’t buy it. He clearly pissed someone off and they were going to kill him. I mean if the murder weapons melts, how can they blame you?” Sasha said with a shrug.

“We have been watching too much true crime,” Annie chimed in.

“Oh! Here’s the next patient. That guy fractured what?” Sasha asked.

“It’s a penile fracture. Now, quiet, I’m trying to hear,” Annie replied.

“Can you fracture that?” Historia asked.

“Apparently,” Mikasa answered.

“How?” Historia asked.

All four girls turned towards Levi.

He sighed, “normally, it’s from a strong blow.”

This caused all four girls to start laughing uncontrollably.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again as he shook his head.

Armin, Eren, and Ymir came down a few hours later to join the rest of the group for dinner.

Mikasa had told Eren she had a song that she wanted to share with him.

Levi smirked once he heard this and it took all of Mikasa’s control not to throw something at him.

She led Eren to the sun room once dinner was over.

“What song is she playing for him?” Ymir asked as she washed dishes.

The first few piano chords started.

“No way! She’s not….” Historia was in shock.

“She is. How many times have we heard this song?” Annie asked.

The other four girls exited the kitchen, running towards the sunroom.

Armin looked over at Levi, “did I miss something?”

“Mikasa is playing a song she wrote right after her and Eren broke up.”

“Is it that big of a deal?”

“Go listen to it,” Levi said simply.

------------------

Mikasa led Eren to the sunroom. She sat down in front of the keyboard, Eren sat down in one of the chairs.

“I wrote this song right after we broke up. It just kind of summed up everything I was feeling at the time. I….uhh...I pulled from a few events before we broke up too. I don’t know how to put this into words but I thought this might help you understand my feelings too.”

Eren nodded.

“Okay,” Mikasa said before taking a deep breath.

Her fingers dance across the keys.

Each note brought a memory or feeling back to her.

“{lyrics redacted}.”

Mikasa had not taken her driver’s test when she was sixteen. She didn’t take it until she was eighteen. She had been so afraid to drive after the car accident. Eren had been the one to teach her drive.

“ {lyrics redacted}. ”

Mikasa had still had to run errands for Levi when she was living here before she moved to the city.

Eren’s house was a mere three blocks away, making it impossible not to pass sometimes.

“ {lyrics redacted}.”

A random blonde girl who seemed to be Zeke’s friend kept appearing in Eren’s Instagram pictures before he deleted his social media. It had been very heartbreaking for Mikasa to see Eren with someone else. She assumed he had found someone older, better than her and that was why he had left her. It killed her how he seemed to have moved on so quickly.

“ {lyrics redacted} ”

Eren had seemed fine to her. She knew now that wasn’t the case. It only made things worse.

“ {lyrics redacted} ”

Mikasa hadn’t been the only one writing songs about their relationship. Eren had written songs about her. She could remember him playing them for her. Whether it was here in Levi’s house or back in Eren’s old bedroom, it didn’t matter. She had felt like they were a private concert for her. They had meant so much to her and then Eren had taken that all away from her.

“ {lyrics redacted} .”

The kick drum kicked in. She heard Annie’s guitar and Ymir’s bass. The spot next to her was taken by Historia who placed her hands on Mikasa’s, signaling Mikasa to hand over the keyboard playing to Historia. Mikasa removed her hands, allowing Historia to play. She sang the chorus again.

The bridge came faster than Mikasa thought it would.

“ {lyrics redacted} .”

Ymir walked over and leaned on Mikasa, still sitting on the piano bench. Mikasa knew it was a way for Ymir to show her support.

“ {lyrics redacted} . ”

She couldn’t stand to be in this town anymore after her and Eren had broken up. When Historia had offered a way out, Mikasa had taken the chance.

Mikasa repeated the chorus again.

The rest of the instruments fade out except for the keyboard.

“ {lyrics redacted} t ,” Mikasa sang the last line, finally making eye contact with Eren.

He had tears in his eyes.

“Wow,” he said after Historia finished playing the last few notes of the song.

Clapping came from the doorway. Mikasa looked over to see Levi and Armin standing there.

“Alright, maybe you two should go talk in Mikasa’s room and we’ll all go pretend we’re not here,” Historia suggested. She gave Mikasa’s hand a squeeze.

“Sure,” Eren answered.

---------------

Mikasa closed the door behind her. Eren had already sat down on her bed. She sat down, careful to leave enough space for another person between them. She didn’t look over at him. She only stared straight ahead.

She wasn’t sure how he was feeling. He hadn’t said anything besides wow.

What did that even mean?

Was it because it was good?

Was it because it was bad and he hated it?

The silence continued.

Neither of them was ready to speak .

So they just sat there.

Awkwardly.

Mikasa was glad she had a digital clock because if she had heard the ticking right now, she might have gone insane.

“I wrote a song about you after the break up too,” Eren said, finally breaking the silence.

“Is it any good?” Mikasa asked as she finally looked over at him.

“Maybe I’ll play it for you one day.”

“Did...did you have another girlfriend or something after we broke up?” Mikasa asked.

Eren stared at her, “no.”

“Oh.”

Silence again. Mikasa looked straight ahead again.

“There was this blonde girl I kept seeing with you on Instagram….before you deleted everything. She looked a lot older than us, blonde. She seemed to be Zeke's friend but I don't know."

Eren started laughing hysterically.

“It’s not funny!” Mikasa shouted.

“You’re jealous of Yelena!” He laughed louder.

“I don’t know who that is!”

Eren laughed for a bit longer before composing himself.

“She’s Zeke’s ex girlfriend,” he finally said.

“Zeke had a girlfriend?”

“Shocking, I know. It didn’t last long. She wanted kids and a wedding. Zeke didn’t want that at the time. She kept pushing it, he was worried she only wanted him for his money. Then they broke up. It turned out that that was exactly what she wanted. She wanted Zeke because of his mom’s family. Whatever that means. I haven’t talked or even thought about her in months.”

“Oh.”

How stupid Mikasa had been.

“We’re even now,” Eren said with a smirk as he scooted closer to her. “You got jealous of Yelena, I got jealous of Jean. So we’re even.”

She looked over at him again.

“That was a perfect song. You should be more confident in your work,” Eren said before he stretched.

“I am. That song is just very personal.”

“All the best ones are,” he replied simply. He lied down on her bed. “I’m glad you shared it with me. I am sorry.”

“I know,” she said before giving him a weak smile.

He patted the bed next to him.

Mikasa sighed before she lied down next to him.

Eren yawned before he reached out and touched Mikasa’s face.

His thumb traced the scar on her cheek that had been left by the car accident. A single finger moved down to her lips, tracing them.

Mikasa held her breath. His trailed down her arm, then to her wrist. He began to trace the tattoo identical to the one her mother had had when she was alive.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?” She asked, her eyes met hers again.

“For giving me another chance even after I made you feel that way. And for sharing that song with me. I know it couldn’t have been easy." His finger continued to trace her tattoo.

“You’re welcome,” she muttered as she looked over at him. If she just leaned a little closer, she would be able to kiss him.

“I can’t hear anything,” a muffled voice from the other side of the wall said.

“That’s Sasha, isn’t it?” Eren asked as he stopped tracing her tattoo.

“It’s probably all of them,” Mikasa said as she sat up.

“Do you spy on them this much?” Eren asked as he also sat up.

“Sometimes,” she said with a shrug.

“So I shouldn’t suggest that I look up barn animal noises while you jump on the bed to make them regret spying on us?” Eren smirked.

“No, we should do that. Sync your phone to the tv or whatever. It has a better sound system to make it louder.”

---------------

“You’re such a softie,” Hange said on the other end of Levi’s phone.

“I am not,” he replied as he went into his bedroom. Sawney and Bean followed him in.

“Yes, you are. You’re helping Eren. You helped Mikasa. You love those kids. Nothing you can say will convince me otherwise.”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, “they asked me what a penile fracture was today.”

Hange could not contain their laughter on the other end of the phone.

“It’s not that funny!” Levi yelled as he shut the door behind him.

“Why do I miss all the fun stuff?” Hange asked. “So what did you tell them?”

“That it comes from a strong blow,” Levi muttered.

Hange’s laughter got louder.

“You teach biology! Why are you laughing?”

“Because it’s funny.”

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I hear you thinking all the way over here.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like you being all the way there,” he muttered.

“Aww...does Levi miss me already?” They teased him.

“No, now I take it back. Stay there with your weird sea creatures. By the way, did Molbit get them all there?”

“He did! They’re all perfectly fine from their vacation! Although I think the spider crab is plotting to kill me.”

“Not the octopus?”

“Oh no, the octopus definitely wants to kill me and everyone else.”

“I told you not to get it.”

“It’s very beneficial for my students!”

“Whatever you say,” he said as he sat down on the bed.

“How are the kids otherwise?”

“Well, Armin seems to be taking the news well. You remember that song Mikasa used to play all the time? She played for Eren today.”

“Oh! The really sad one? How did that go?”

“They were jumping on her bed and playing barnyard animal sounds.”

“So good?”

“I guess. These kids are weird.”

“And that’s why they’re ours.”

“Whatever you say, four eyes.”

“You know what short stuff, I’m going to show up and put everything on a high shelf that you can’t reach.”

Levi scoffed, “I’ll just get one of the kids to get it down.”

“You always ruin my fun.”

[jlalafics]

“Baptism”-an Everlark one-shot

Hello! Was it possible? Could I fit all three requested sentence prompts into one story?

I did.

Anyway, the three prompts I was given are:

“Oh god, how can you manage to switch from cute to sexy in under a second?” (Anon request)

“What took you so long? I missed you…” (From @omercilessmoon​)

“If you don’t stop looking at my lips without doing anything about it, I will take you right here on this counter.” (Anon request)

I hope I did all of you justice.

Happy Reading!

Also, thank you to @keelaree​ for my bomb cover. Love you!

Summary: “Katniss didn’t know if it was kismet or just plain bad luck but she and Peeta Mellark always found themselves on the opposite of a baptismal font, one of them holding a white clad infant and wondering which one of their idiot friends thought they would make good godparents.”

_______

Baptism

The Baptism of Josephine Lily Hawthorne

The church bells rang atop the Church of St. Anne as people gathered inside dressed in their Sunday best. In the first few pews sat the excited parents, Gale and Madge Hawthorne, along with their families.

Madge, in a rose dress, smiled in greeting to anyone who came into the church, showing off the dark-haired Josephine dressed in a multi-tier white dress and matching bonnet. Beside her, Gale greeted everyone stoically, a hint of pride in his smoky eyes.

However as soon as they were alone, his face fell into a mask of anxiety.

“I’m going to kill him,” Gale whispered to his wife.

“Not if I get to him first,” Madge replied through clenched teeth. “Thank God, Katniss is always a stickler about being on time.”

They were twenty minutes past their allotted time. Besides them, there were two other families waiting for their babies to get baptized.

Gale turned to the entrance doors behind them just as Katniss peeked in to shake her head.

“Dead,” the man swore to his wife. “There’s going to be a funeral right after this baptism.”

++++++

In the church vestibule, Katniss paced as one of the parish attendants closed the door so the service could begin.

“Every fucking time,” she swore quietly.

Why did Peeta always do this?

On the other hand, why were they always picked?

Actually, Katniss already knew why.

She was single. Peeta was single.

Everyone else in their group of friends had already put a ring on it and then reproduced.

Finnick and Annie Odair were first, getting married right out of university. Gale and Madge’s wedding happened two years later to which she played Best Woman to Peeta’s Man of Honor.

Recently, her own sister had betrayed her by marrying Cato, Peeta’s former roommate. The two were currently finishing up their Hawaiian honeymoon while the rest of them celebrated the blessed event of watching Joey Hawthorne getting water splashed on her sweet little head.

The sounds of rushed footsteps broke her from her reverie, and she turned to see Peeta running over to join her.

Katniss crossed his arms as he slowed. “What took you so long? I missed you…”

Peeta raised a brow as he buttoned his suit jacket. “You did?”

“Fuck no! I’m just tired of freezing my tits off waiting for you to show up,” she growled at him. “They want both godparents there before they can bathe the baby!”

“Katniss, please. You’re in church and God doesn’t appreciate your filthy mouth,” he replied, his tone heavy with snark. “Though it is one of your better attributes.” Peeta grinned. “Your tits too, but I’ll only admit that because we’re in the house of God—”

He was quickly silenced as Katniss grabbed his crotch and squeezed…hard.

“Listen,” she hissed, her face inches from his. “You are a giant pain in my ass but, for some reason, we are always stuck together. I would appreciate it if you would just do me the courtesy of not making me and the entire party wait while you do whatever the hell you do.” His mouth opened in an attempt to speak and she tightened her grip. “Do you understand?”

Peeta’s face had gone stark white, though his glare was as biting as ever. “You bit—”

“Hey guys?”

Katniss quickly released Peeta from her death grip and turn to find Gale peeking his head out.

“We’re ready for you,” he said. Gale’s face suddenly went scarlet. “Also, the sound really carries through the whole church…”

Katniss’ jaw dropped. “How much did they hear?”

“How much should I donate?” Peeta asked as he tried to smooth down the creases in his pants.

“Everything and enough to pay for Joey’s first year of college,” Gale told them. “Now, get in.”

Chastised, the two followed their friend down the aisle and to the baptismal font where Madge waited with their goddaughter. The woman glared at Peeta before handing Joey to him carefully.

From across the font, Katniss watched him as he gazed down at Joey, a smile lighting up his face. In turn, Joey cooed at her godfather.

She couldn’t help but smile at the charming pair—

“Katniss?”

Her eyes went to Gale, his grey eyes panicked as he leaned towards her.

“Father just asked if you renounce Satan…and you didn’t respond.”

“Oh—" She looked to the priest. “I totally renounce him!”

Her eyes went to the ground, trying to ignore the quiet snicker coming from across the baptismal post.

Katniss didn’t know if it was kismet or just plain bad luck but she and Peeta Mellark always found themselves on the opposite of a baptismal font, one of them holding a white clad infant and wondering which one of their idiot friends thought they would make good godparents.

++++++

The Hawthorne Residence

“That shit was hilarious!” Annie cackled as they sat at the kitchen table, eating some leftover cake from the reception. “They asked you if you renounced Satan and there was twenty-second pause!”

“I am horrified.” Katniss forked a hefty piece of cake before plopping it into her mouth. She looked to the woman loading dishes into the dishwasher. “Your parents must be horrified, Madge. I am so sorry.”

“It was actually kind of funny,” Madge told her easily. “I told my side of the family that you were Gale’s first choice for godmother. Hazelle, however, has probably lit a dozen candles for you.”

“Well, she’s known me since I was kid so I’m pretty sure she’s lit more than a dozen for me,” Katniss retorted.

There was a flurry of tiny steps as Nolan Odair rushed into the kitchen, jumping into his mother’s lap and burying his little face into her chest. She, in turn, affectionately caressed his dark locks and placed a kiss atop his head.

Another set of footsteps followed as Finnick stepped into the kitchen, a smirk rising on his handsome face as his green eyes settled on Katniss.

“Hey Katniss! Do you renounce Satan?”

“If he’ll help me get rid of your annoying butt,” she deadpanned before digging in for more cake.

Gale walked into the room along with Peeta. “Be nice to him.”

The latter still held their Goddaughter in his arms and Joey, now fully awake, looked pretty content. Katniss had to admit that Peeta had that special charm about him. She watched him through their college years captivate women, both young and old.

No one was immune to Peeta Mellark.

Except for her.

“And, why should I be nice?” Katniss asked her friend.

“Because he’s going to be a Dad again,” Peeta informed her.

Annie looked to her husband. “I thought we were going to tell them together!”

“We were!” Finnick turned to Peeta. “How did you know?”

“Annie hates chocolate cake,” the man replied. “And she’s wolfing it down like there’s no tomorrow.” Leaning down, Peeta kissed their friend’s cheek. “Congratulations Annie. Here’s hoping that you’ll have the girl you want so Finnick will finally leave you alone.”

Finnick looked aghast. “How dare you. She seduced me!”

Annie grinned, looking to her husband. “It’s true. Couldn’t keep my hands off him.”

The rest of the group all congratulated the couple, each one raising a glass of wine or, in Nolan’s case, a juice box, to the second time parents.

Afterwards, they all settled back, and Katniss reached to get another piece of cake.

“This tastes amazing,” she mused, her eyes closing and a content hum vibrating against her lips. “I just want to rub up on the person who made it.”

“Oh God, how can you manage to switch from cute to sexy in under a second?” She opened her eyes to find Peeta staring, his blue eyes full of mirth at the sight of her. He handed Joey to Madge before removing his suit jacket. “Do you really mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“About rubbing up on the person who made that cake,” he replied as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves to fold them up.

Katniss watched; each fold revealed his forearms for her perusal. “Why?”

He sat across from her, taking her fork to cut a piece of cake before placing it in his mouth.

“Because I made it.”

She was faintly aware that the fork had previously been engulfed in her mouth; that she had licked chocolate off the same spears that were between his lips.

Katniss shook her head. “You lie.”

“It’s true,” Madge told her from the counter as she rocked Joey. “Peeta’s family owns a bakery.”

“No kidding.” She couldn’t help but smile as Peeta’s cheeks colored. “Why did I never know this when we were in college?”

“Because you were too busy in college to even look at me,” he replied quietly.

Katniss grinned. “If I had known, maybe I would’ve sucked up to you more.”

Peeta groaned, trying not to smile. “You’re killing me.”

“Plus, Peeta was getting enough sucking in college, if you know what I mean,” Finnick informed her gaily.

The smile fell off her face. “Moment over.”

“Damn you, Finnick!” Peeta looked to her, crestfallen. “So…no rubbing?”

Katniss snorted. “I’m afraid not today.”

However, she left with half the cake.

++++++

The Abernathy Institute of Aging

“Hello, Mags. I’m Dr. Katniss Everdeen.” She sat beside the older woman’s bed. “How are you today?”

“I’m alright, I suppose,” Mags replied softly. “Do you know when my husband is visiting?”

Mags’ husband had passed away several years ago.

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to check with the nurses—do you know what month it is?”

“September,” the woman answered.

It was July.

“Thanks for reminding me.” Katniss gave her a smile. “It’s about lunchtime. Did you have any requests?”

“I’m fine,” Mags told her kindly. “My Harris will be bringing my lunch. We eat every meal together, you know.”

“Alright.” Katniss stood up. “I’ll give you some time to get ready for your visit. Thanks for speaking with me.”

As soon as she stepped out into the clinic’s hallway, Dr. Haymitch Abernathy, her mentor, joined her side.

“How was she today?” he asked, concern in his voice.

“Better in terms of her mood as she was completely stable during our interaction,” Katniss told him before frowning. “However, she’s forgotten about Harris’ passing again. When she remembers, it’s going to be difficult.”

“If she remembers. Her memory has deteriorated quickly in the last six months.”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Abernathy,” she replied. “I know how much she means to you.”

“She was a fine neighbor who was always kind to the wayward young man next door,” he said with a grin. “And she did introduce me to her pretty niece.”

“Yeah—I mean, Effie is way too good for you,” Katniss replied with a snort.

“Watch yourself, Dr. Everdeen, or I might not be so favorable when it comes to next month’s shifts,” he told her, though a smile played on his lips. “Effie is expecting you over soon, by the way.”

“I’m off next Sunday,” she replied. “I’ll be over for brunch.”

He nodded as they reached the nurses’ station. “I have a new case that I’d like you to shadow.”

“Sure,” Katniss said easily. “Where’s the chart?”

The elevator behind them dinged. “Actually, I can just introduce you now—”

“Katniss?”

She whirled at the voice and found Peeta approaching them. He gently guided the man he was with until they stood in front of her and Dr. Abernathy.

The man looked to her and gave her a shaky, yet kind, smile. “You know my son?”

Peeta’s father—they had the same smile.

“Yes, Mr. Mellark. Peeta and I went to the same university.”

“Katniss is loads smarter than me,” Peeta informed his father. He looked her over in her doctor’s coat, her printed blouse and bootcut dress pants peeking out from beneath. “Obviously.”

“She is my prized intern,” Haymitch informed the men. “Dr. Everdeen, this is our new patient, Brian Mellark. Brian, Dr. Katniss Everdeen will be shadowing me on your case.”

Katniss took the man’s hand, clasping his fingers between hers. She felt the tremble, already knowing that she was looking at someone who was suffering from Parkinson’s. However, Katniss could tell that Brian had a fighting spirit.

“Nice to meet you officially, Mr. Mellark,” she said.

“Brian please,” he insisted. “Any friend of Peeta’s is a friend of mine.”

“Well—” Her eyes went to the man who stood beside Dr. Abernathy. “—Peeta and I just happen to share a goddaughter, so we’re practically family.” She began to guide him towards the exam rooms, making sure to follow his pace in order to gauge his current mobility. “I have a feeling we’ll be sharing another one in about seven-ish months.”

They made a slight right into the exam room and she helped Brian into a nearby chair.

“I actually really hope that they don’t pick us,” Peeta told her. “I mean, you’re practically banned from the last church we were in.”

Dr. Abernathy guffawed. “Why is that?”

“Because when they asked if she renounced Satan…she paused.”

“It was an accident,” she insisted. “I was momentarily distracted by a certain tardy godfather!”

“So, you were looking at me.” Peeta smirked at her. “Katniss, I’m flattered.”

Katniss looked to Brian. “How do you even deal with him?”

The man chuckled, briefly giving his son an affectionate smile. “He grows on you eventually.”

She raised a brow. “Like a fungus?”

“Exactly.”

“Dad!” Peeta cried out in embarrassment as they all chuckled at him.

Dr. Abernathy grinned. “I think we’re all going to have fun.”

++++++

“So, does anyone know?” Katniss asked as she and Peeta stood outside of exam room. “Madge? Finnick?”

Peeta shook his head. “It’s new.” He leaned against the adjacent wall. “My mom noticed the tremble about three months ago, so she took him to his primary doctor. He ran some tests and then recommended that we see Dr. Abernathy.”

Katniss nodded. “Your Dad is in good hands. Dr. Abernathy is the best.”

“I feel like I know nothing about you,” Peeta suddenly said. “How long have you been working here?”

“I’ve been an intern here for about two years and I hope to stay as long as I can,” she told him. “The world needs more neurologists.”

Peeta reached over, straightening her coat for her.

“I’m impressed.” His gaze went to neat braid resting against her shoulder and her breath caught as his fingers grazed the tip. “Dr. Everdeen.”

“I’m impressed by your cakes,” she offered. “I can’t bake for the life of me.”

“I guess that’s why you’re going to have to keep me around,” he quipped. “After all, the cake that I made for Joey’s christening was the whole reason I was late and earned your ire. I had to help my Dad close the bakery and then spent the night making the cake. The bakery is about two hours away from the church and I overslept.”

“You should’ve told me,” Katniss said, suddenly feeling ashamed.

Brian’s condition was serious, and it was obvious that he would have to completely cut back from working at the bakery sooner than anyone thought.

“It’s fine,” he told her easily. “I am glad that you liked the cake.”

Katniss chuckled. “I owe you a rub down, too.”

She did not just say that.

Oh God—was she actually flirting with Peeta?

A grin rose on his lips, making her forget her faux pas.

“I’m going to make you five more cakes just for saying that.”

++++++

The Baptism of Alice Riley Odair

“I’m sorry!” Katniss rushed to the front of the church, removing her coat, and tossing it on a pew before joining the rest of the group. “I got held up at work.”

Finnick went to her, placing the infant in her arms. “Isn’t she the most gorgeous baby?”

Katniss’ eyes went to the baby and she leaned down to sniff the baby’s strawberry-colored hair.

“She is very beautiful…” Her words caught and everyone looked up at her show of emotion. However, Katniss gathered herself and looked around the nearly empty church. Besides Finnick and Annie’s parents, their group—which now included her sister and Cato—was the only one in attendance. “I guess it’s a solo baptism?”

Annie smiled. “Finnick insisted that no other babies take up his princess’ spotlight.”

She nodded before her attention went to the priest to begin the ceremony.

However, Katniss knew he was watching her.

Because this time, Peeta forgot to renounce Satan.

++++++

The Odair Residence

“I brought you some cake.”

Peeta sat next to Katniss on the back steps leading down to the wide backyard of the Odair Home. Inside, the reception continued as servers walked about offering the hundreds of guests champagne and canapes.

No one even noticed the beautiful English-inspired garden outside the double doors—or the two missing godparents.

“They haven’t even started serving the cake,” Katniss replied softly. However, she took a piece from the plate that she was sure was part of the Odair family china.

“I might’ve brought an extra cake,” he told her, leaning back against the steps. “You’ve been crying.” Katniss looked to him in surprise. “Your eyes were shiny when you got to the church and your nose was a little red, like you’ve been sniffling a lot. You can talk to me if you want. I mean, I think our friendship has grown in the last few months.”

It was true.

Since his father’s first appointment, Peeta had become a constant visitor to the clinic, along with Brian. His father’s treatment was a combination of medications and lifestyle changes prescribed by Katniss and Dr. Abernathy. However, every patient usually needed some time to find the best dosage and medication for themselves; it took Brian three months before they found a working regiment.

While his father worked with her and Dr. Abernathy, Peeta had been his father’s constant companion and, after each appointment, they found themselves often talking by the nurses’ station until Brian was ready to leave.

Sometimes, she thought that Brian let them talk a little too long.

Katniss took a deep breath. “Mags died last night.”

“Katniss…I’m so sorry,” Peeta told her sincerely. “I know how much she meant to you and Haymitch.”

Her eyes welled up once more and this time, she didn’t brush the tears away.

“I knew that she was getting worse,” she explained in a thick voice. “But it just happened so suddenly. I was at the nurses’ station charting and she coded…” Her face fell into her hands. “Haymitch and I tried so hard to get her back…but we knew it was over.” She looked up at the man next to her. “I have never seen Haymitch look so defeated.”

She was suddenly engulfed in Peeta’s embrace.

“This all sounds like a good reason to cry. You cared for Mags and so did Haymitch. She will always be a big part of your life and career. She’ll be the patient that you’ll always remember.”

“I knew neurology was going to be hard. It’s all about dealing with the brain. All parts of it…the parts that effect the physical body…the parts that effect emotional parts. But Mags was more than a patient to me. I cared about her and she was my first patient at the institute.”

Katniss groaned into the balmy air in aggravation.

“Why couldn’t I have gotten into something easier? Like obstetrics?” She let out a wet laugh. “I don’t suppose you’ve heard—”

“Prim is pregnant,” he finished for her. “They made the announcement about five minutes ago.”

“I guess this is our magic third,” she told him.

“I hope it’s a boy this time,” Peeta replied. “That way Finnick can freak out over Alice possibly having a future boyfriend.”

Katniss rested against his chest. “That might just cheer me up—a panicked Finnick Odair.” She looked up at him and gave him a smile. “Thanks.”

She was abruptly aware how close they were…how Peeta’s thumb caressed the top of her hand causing a zing of electricity to surge through her body. His nose was nestled in her loose waves and Katniss found herself wishing that he would just—

She liked him.

More than liked him, really.

Katniss could almost imagine herself waking up in the arms that held her; they made her feel safe and loved. She could see a life where they would spend Sundays making bread at the family bakery so that their children could visit Brian and Peeta’s mom Miranda and cheer up their ailing Grandpa. She imagined kisses that made her forget stressful days and conversations that lasted until they fell asleep in each other’s embrace.

It all seemed wonderful.

But it wasn’t real.

Also, Peeta didn’t like her like that.

They were friends and they shared godchildren. If it didn’t work out, they would be splitting up the whole group.

She would lose him.

And her heart couldn’t take that.

Slowly, Katniss pulled away.

“We should go back in.”

She rushed away before he could even respond.

++++++

The Abernathy Institute of Aging

Katniss sat back after examining Brian; he seemed comfortable, his tremors under control. However, he did admit to struggling during workouts. She noted his discomfort but knew that it would be some time before he’d feel stronger.

“I think it’s the combination of medication that’s making you feel so tired,” Katniss told him. “Anyone taking that combination would probably feel the way you do. Give it time and continue working out. However, if you continue to feel this way in a few months, then we should consider looking into other regiments, maybe physical therapy.”

“I agree with Dr. Everdeen. Your symptoms seem to be side effects of your medications,” Dr. Abernathy told the man. “However, I also see a definite improvement with your tremors. Do you have any questions?”

“I do have some questions for you, Dr. Abernathy,” Brian replied.

The doctor nodded before looking to Katniss. “Why don’t you set up Brian’s next appointment up with Peeta?”

“He should be outside,” Brian told her with a smile.

“Nice seeing you, Brian,” she told him before giving him a quick hug. “I’ll be at the nurses’ station as usual.”

Gathering her things, Katniss stepped out into the hallway and found Peeta waiting expectantly for her. He approached as she closed the door, giving her a small smile.

“Hi.”

“Hello,” she said shyly. “I haven’t seen you since—”

“The reception,” he finished, joining her side. “Do you think we could talk…privately?”

“Sure.”

Katniss led him down the hallway towards the opposite end as Peeta followed silently behind her. It had been a little over three months since they had seen one another. She had been busy at the clinic as well helping Prim and Cato move into their new house.

“Brian told me that you’ve taken over a lot of the day to day operations at the bakery,” she said as they walked into an empty conference room.

“Both my brothers were more interested in the business and marketing aspects of the bakery,” he explained. “I enjoy baking and we were able to hire a recent graduate from the Culinary Institute to assist me. Also, my mom is helping out in the front along with Susie, my sister-in-law.”

Closing the door behind her, Katniss went to the counter where a coffee maker and hot water dispenser sat next to a sink.

“Did you want any coffee? Oh wait—you like tea,” she said absently as she filled the dispenser before opening the cabinets. “We have chamomile, black, rooibos—”

“Katniss.” She turned to find Peeta right in front of her and instinctively she pushed back against the counter. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“Maybe,” Katniss found herself admitting. She leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms. “I’m not good with vulnerability…and feelings, in general. I chose a career where I had to rein that all in.”

“Whether you like it or not, emotions tend to come out,” he replied. “Prime example is Mags. You never reined it in when it came to her, did you?”

“Towards the end I did,” she told him. “I had to introduce myself to her everyday and it broke me every time.”

“Just because you let someone in and it hurt, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let anyone else in,” Peeta pointed out.

Katniss met his eyes. “And by anyone, you mean you?”

“I like you!” he burst out, blue eyes frenzied. “Hell, I might even love you, but you can’t run away because you’re scared.” His hands went to her shoulders. “Katniss, you’re smart…and kind…and beautiful beyond words and I know that I don’t have a chance in hell with you—but I have to try.”

Her chest filled at his words. “You might love me?”

Peeta shook his head. “No, that’s a cop out. I do love you. Even when you hated me, I loved you.”

“I never hated you,” she said. “I might have been annoyed with your tendency to be late…and your complete lack of tact sometimes…and in college, the fact that there was always a different girl on your arm—”

“I tried and failed to compensate for the one person I wanted,” he explained. “All of us…you and me…Annie…Finnick…Gale and Madge…even your sister and Cato are so interconnected. I thought that it would go badly if I even approached you with the intent of becoming more.”

Her hand went to his cheek. “And now?”

Peeta let out a shaky breath. “I will gladly take their wrath just to be with you.”

“I wouldn’t let them hurt you,” she told him quietly. “But I am scared. It could all go to shit in a few months…or a year…or even tomorrow.”

Peeta stepped closer, his hands reaching to cup her cheeks.

“If we just have tomorrow, then we should make it a hell of a day, shouldn’t we?”

Katniss took a deep breath, her eyes tracing over his face and landing at the smoothness of his mouth before she nodded in agreement. “Okay.”

He beamed. “Okay?” His hands rested against the curves of her waist. “I’m not used to you being so agreeable.”

“Don’t get used to it,” she murmured as he gazed at her in soft reverence. “Peeta?”

“Yes?”

“If you don’t stop looking at my lips without doing anything about it, I will take you right here on this counter.”

Peeta smirked. “As much as I’d love that, I’ve waited much longer to do this—"

Before Katniss could respond, his mouth swept hers and she felt herself sag into him. Her arms reached around his neck and she anchored herself to the hard planes of his front. His tongue traced against the entrance of her mouth before gently dipping in to caress her own.

A hum escaped her mouth at the taste of him.

Peeta Mellark could be utterly annoying sometimes.

But he was also utterly addicting.

“Ahem.”

They separated quickly, righting themselves before looking to Dr. Abernathy.

“I’ve made Brian’s appointment because I couldn’t seem to find my intern,” he informed the two. His eyes went to Peeta. “However, your father seemed to think that you two needed to talk.”

“I apologize,” she replied breathlessly as she smoothed down her hair. Katniss turned to Peeta, still reeling over what had just happened. “Peeta, I’ll follow up with you about all of this…later.”

“Follow up?” Peeta chuckled before placing a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll call you tonight.” He went to the door and clapped Dr. Abernathy on the shoulder before stepping out.

Katniss looked to her mentor. “It won’t happen again.”

“Brian really didn’t have any questions,” her mentor informed her as they walked out into the hallway. “But I’m sure Effie will. She will never let it go if you and your boyfriend don’t come to dinner next weekend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she told him. The man eyed her. “At least, I’m not sure if he is.”

“With a kiss like that, I’m pretty sure he is,” Dr. Abernathy said. “I’m happy for you.”

Katniss felt her face heat. “Thanks.”

“And, I think that Dr. Katniss Everdeen-Mellark would look very impressive on your office nameplate.”

She whipped around at him. “What?”

“When your internship is complete, I’m offering you an official spot here,” he told her with a grin.

For the first time in her professional career, Katniss hugged her boss.

++++++

The Baptism of Lennox James Sloan

“Aren’t you worried?” Madge turned to Prim, who held her son. “The service is starting in five minutes.”

“I know my sister,” Prim insisted. “She’ll be here.”

“Yes, but Katniss has been a little off these past few months,” Annie added. “Kind of distracted.”

The women stood up front while Finnick, Gale, and Cato sat in the first pew along with the Everdeens and Sloans.

“She’s fine—” The slamming shut of the church doors cut her off and the subject of their discussion hurried in along with Lennox’s godfather. “—I told you she’d be right on time!”

“Sorry!” Katniss stopped at the first pew as Peeta helped her out of her coat, revealing a peach dress that brightened her complexion. “Got caught up—”

“We expect this from Peeta,” Finnick joked. “But this is a first offense for you.”

Katniss blushed, stepping up to join the girls. Peeta followed along as Prim handed Lennox to him.

“I overslept,” she explained. “My alarm didn’t go off—here let me fix your tie, Peeta—or I slept through it.” Peeta quickly turned to Prim to give Lennox back and she gave him a quick smile as he gently placed her son in her arms.

Katniss removed the tie, smoothing it out before placing it back around the collar of Peeta’s button down. The group gawked at the fluidity of it as Katniss created a Windsor knot before patting down the collar.

“I’ve hardly gotten any sleep,” she continued distractedly, her hands brushing at Peeta’s suit jacket.

Prim couldn’t help but grin.

Katniss had insisted on keeping her and Peeta’s relationship a secret until after the Lennox’s baptism.

However, in one obviously intimate gesture, Katniss had revealed their secret.

“And, why haven’t you been sleeping?” Cato asked as he joined them along with Gale and Finnick.

He grinned wickedly at his sister-in-law.

Of course, Prim had to tell her husband that the relationship he knew would happen eventually had actually come to fruition. She didn’t know which one of them was happier.

“I’ve been…reading,” she grounded out. “A lot.”

“Then you must be reading until you can’t keep your eyes open,” Cato replied, and Prim elbowed him.

Katniss looked at him in confusion. “Um…yeah?”

Peeta turned to Katniss, his blue eyes shining at her.

“I’m sure Katniss is an avid reader. Probably one of those readers who won’t stop until they’ve finished.”

Cato grimaced. “Gross.”

“What the hell am I missing?” Gale asked.

Madge finally caught on and so did Annie, both discreetly high fiving in celebration.

“Nothing, sweetheart,” his wife assured him. “Let’s go take our seats.”

The priest entered and Prim and Cato went to greet him.

Katniss and Peeta joined them, the latter’s hand not-so-discreetly on the small of Katniss’s back, his thumb caressing the spot as they listened to the man’s instructions.

Gale’s eyes widened in realization and he turned to the group, his grin wide.

“I call godfather!”

FIN.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 62 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 73 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

--

RATE THE EPISODE 68 Responses

Again, the response to last week’s episode was notably positive, with 98.5% of responses giving it a score of 3 or higher. Marley and Me is still going strong! 

Gave a 3 because while I don't give a rats ass about the Warriors or their "tragic" sob story, the animation and voice acting was on par

It was way better than the first two of the season I liked it a lot!!

I think it was one of the best episodes not only in this season, but in the entire show. It shows deepness of the characters in Attack on Titan and shows as the other side in such an amazing way. It was brilliant. 

I think the episode was pretty good

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 68 Responses

Eren’s formal reveal as the amputee soldier took the biggest piece of the pie, with 45.6% of respondents enjoying that scene the most. Trailing behind that is Reiner’s tragic suicide attempt with 10.3% of the vote, followed closely behind by RBA’s side of Shiganshina at 8.8%.

Flashbacks were important. And eren intro was epic

Reiner standing up looking like an undead zombie after getting clobbered by Annie and then stating "Reiner is dead...I will be Marcel" was just...Wow. Just loved seeing the wall breach from RBA's perspective. Reiner gains more dimensions and complexity with each episode and I'm here for it! Bless MAPPA :-)

WE GOT THE FULL ED LAST WEEK. AFTER SEEING IT IN ITS ENTIRETY, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT NOW? 66 Responses

Although just over 59% of responses gave the ED a decidedly positive grade (with praise going towards both imagery and the song), almost 20% of responses simply thought it was “okay”. A relatively equal amount of responses alternated between liking the animation and disliking the song and vice versa. Only a few seemed to dislike both. 

Didn't watch/care

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 5, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE INTRODUCING ALL OF MARLEY’S TITANS? 67 Responses

The sequence introducing all of Marley’s Titans has gotten rave reviews, with 97% of responses rating it positively. Truth be told, I’d given it a 5 myself, if I could… But I can’t, I’m just a mysterious voice, detailing the results of this poll.

OUT OF ALL THE TITANS THE MARLEY MILITARY HAD 9 YEARS AGO, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE? 67 Responses

For the question regarding possible inheritance of the Titans, we’ve gotten a rather colorful pie chart! Annie’s Female Titan is clearly leading with just under a third of those who took the poll picking it out as their favorite option. Reiner’s Armored is taking second place with almost 21%, followed by Zeke’s Beast at almost 18%. Bertholdt’s Colossal and the Series Mascot is, surprisingly, at just under 12%, with Pieck, unsurprisingly, bringing up the rear.

WHICH OG WARRIOR CANDIDATE WOULD YOU WANT TO ADOPT? 64 Responses

When it comes to possibly adopting a warrior candidate, we’ve gotten even more pie flavors! Reiner is at number one with just over 20%, with Pieck and Annie going into second place, both with just under 19%. Bertholdt’s in third place, with a little over 14%. Marcel and Zeke bring up the rear and it seems like no one wants to adopt poor little Porco. Just over 20% seem to not want to participate in this little scheme for various reasons.

A LOT OF THE SHIGANSHINA BREACH HAS REUSED QIT ANIMATION FROM PAST EPISODE - THOUGHTS? 67 Responses

When it came to the fact that a lot of the Shiganshina Breach Animation was reused for the episode, most seemed to respond either positively or indifferently. Just over 58% thought just that the old animation flowed decently with MAPPA’s new style, while 16.4% didn’t really care. Almost 12% expressed nostalgia for WIT’s style of animation and 9% noted that while they weren’t fans of this move, they understood the reason for it. Whoever was left noted that they either really preferred MAPPA’s new style or really didn’t like this move from MAPPA, as a whole.

KAJI YUKI HAS LOWERED HIS VOICE A BIT TO DEPICT AN OLDER EREN. THOUGHTS? 67 Responses

A bit of a lopsided result for this one. 71.6% of all responses noted that they enjoyed Yuki Kaji’s move of lowering his voice to depict an older Eren. 16.4% states that they didn’t care and the rest either expressed further “enthusiasm” for this move with one person noting that they preferred younger Eren’s voice range. 

:c

I didn’t even notice

WE’VE LOST COUNT ON HOW MANY TIMES WE’VE SEEN MARCEL GET EATEN. BUT OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHO DID IT BEST? 67 Responses

When it came to seeing Marcel biting the dust numerous times, it turned out that we have plenty of options and styles to choose from. 37.3% said that they preferred MAPPA’s depiction of the event, with just under a third preferring Isayama’s newer depiction. Bringing up the rear with 22.4% were those who preferred WIT’s depiction and 7.5% who like Isayama’s older depiction the best.

DO YOU THINK THAT REINER WAS CORRECT, THAT MARLEY WOULD HAVE HAD ALL OF RBA EATEN IF THEY HAD FOUND YMIR AND RETURNED HOME IMMEDIATELY? 65 Responses

In what is perhaps the most divisive question of the poll, it would seem like those who thought Marley wouldn’t have had all of RBA eaten if they had found Ymir and returned home immediately came out on top, with almost 57% arguing they would have either threatened the kids before keeping them around or became understanding from the get-go. 43.1% dissented and thought Marley would have, in fact, done so. 

Don't think so because we only saw 1 other warrior candidate and when the warriors failed in the Shinganshina arc they didn't pass on Reiner or Zeke's powers.

Marley = maybe. Zeke = would have been understanding

Maybe just eat Ymir

WHAT’S THE FORECAST FOR TONIGHT? 66 Responses

For the question about tonight’s (or rather, the night when the fanbase took the poll) weather, we’ve received a multitude of responses. From the most popular to the least, we’ve had people predicting a cloudy night, a snowy night, clear skies, a rainy night and finally, a stormy night. On the other hand, just over 18% didn’t seem to care. 

Call if hail at you’ll be late for muster

freckled Jesus getting crucified, RIP Marco

Fuckkkkk Berttttt

Hangman

it's gonna rain titans

Meh, don't care about Bertolt

REINER GRADUATED 2ND FROM THE TOP IN THE 104TH, BUT DID YOU EXPECT HIM TO BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SELECTED WARRIOR CANDIDATES? 65 Responses

Reiner’s surprisingly poor performance during his years as a Warrior candidate surprised most of those who took our poll, with 40% expressing just that. Almost 37% thought this development made him more relatable as a character, with the rest either noting that they either didn’t care or that this portrayed the 104th in a somewhat poorer light (lol). 

I feel like his traumatic experience of watching someone he grew up with die and his resolve to become more reliable and strong pushed him to reach the point that he did considering he also outranked both Annie and Bertolt.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT REINER IS HALF-MARLEYAN? 66 Responses

When it came to the fact that Reiner turned out to be half-Marleyan, almost 38% thought the said fact gave more depth to Reiner’s character. Just over 24% thought it made him even more tragic and 18.2% hope that said detail will have more significance in the future. The rest stated that they didn’t care. 

I think it's sad for Reiner, but a nice twist. I was wondering what happens to half Eldian/Marleyans so it was nice to see the result from a more cultural and political standpoint.

GALLIARD’S FIRST NAME IS ACTUALLY “PORCO.” THOUGHTS? 66 Responses

For the reveal of Galliard’s first name actually being “Porco”, we’ve had 45.5% of responses understanding why the big man himself decided to go by his last name instead. 13.6% asked what Isayama was thinking when giving him that name. The rest either expressed further sympathy for the boy or thought it was a decent name for character. 

I can't stop thinking of him as Porky Pig now. He had such a cool surname too xD

DO YOU THINK THAT THE RIFT BETWEEN REINER AND PORCO CAN BE RESOLVED? 66 Responses

When it came to deciphering the rift between Reiner and Porco, a bit over 40% thought that the rift would never be able to “go away”, with Porco disliking Reiner for various reasons. Almost a third dissented and thought that it would be possible, provided Porco either learned of Marcel’s actions or kept working with Reiner for longer periods of time. The rest weren’t sure exactly. 

It seemed like the rift wasn't really prominent in episode 2, so maybe it's already resolved.

IN THAT SAME VEIN, DO YOU BELIEVE PORCO’S COLD FEELINGS TOWARD REINER ARE UNDERSTANDABLE AND/OR JUSTIFIED? REMEMBER: HE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT MARCEL’S ACTIONS. 65 Responses

When it came to a similar question, most (67.7%) thought Porco’s cold feelings towards Reiner were understandable, but not justified. 20% thought they were, in fact, both understandable and justifiable. 10.8% thought they were neither and there was one sole person who stated that they didn’t care.

REINER AND ANNIE WERE REALLY ROUGH ON EACH OTHER. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THAT? 66 Responses

Reiner seems to have even poorer relations with Annie and this episode surely confirms it. Almost 50% were surprised to find out just how poor said relations were. A third stated that they believed the two still cared about each other, just well, “deep down”. A little over 15% predicted this hatred, on the other hand. 

Annie went full "Levi on Eren" on Reiner. I knew they had a tense relationship, this just confirmed my suspicions. I don't think they hate each other.

HOW DID YOU FEEL GETTING TO SEE MORE BERTOLT AFTER HIS UNTIMELY DEATH LAST SEASON? 66 Responses

Seeing Bertolt again in the story was generally treated positively by most, with almost 44% stating that they enjoyed his extra screen time. A bit over 20% stated that they really missed him and were sad to see him, knowing what happens in the future. On the other hand, a little over 21% openly expressed their dislike for the character. Just over 12% simply stated that they didn’t care. 

Dude had it rough, at least the suffering is over now.

i barely care about him... he's just there. he adds nothing to the show compared to other warriors. his personality is way too boring and bland. 

This doesn't make me sympathize with him in any way shape or form

I'm so glad to see Bertholdt... Mappa did him cute as a kid and hot all grown up.

ANNIE AND KENNY: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS UNLIKELY ENCOUNTER? 66 Responses

When it came to seeing Kenny and Annie’s unlikely encounter, the responses were rather distinctive. A little under a third thought it was random, but enjoyable. Others stated that they were just happy to see more Kenny or Annie. Some noted that Annie’s survival rate when taking on the Ackermans is impressive. Finally, just under 11% noted that they didn’t care for it. 

I thought they did it as fan-service bc Kenny = popular

It was a bit too short to be impactful in my opinion.

I wish we saw more Kenny

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AFTER LEARNING THAT REINER IS THE ONE WHO PUSHED FOR THE ASSAULT ON WALL ROSE AFTER TRAINING WITH THE 104TH FOR 3 YEARS? 66 Responses

Upon learning about Reiner’s push for attacking Wall Rose after 3 years of living with the 104th, the fanbase came out to be rather divided. Whereas a bit over a half expressed at least some sympathy for him, the rest were sharp in their critique. A few stated that they didn’t care, however.

HOW DID YOU FEEL SEEING REINER ON THE EDGE OF SUICIDE? 66 Responses

Seeing Reiner on the verge of suicide brought out a lot of sympathy for the man himself, with people expressing degrees of sympathy for him. A little under a third simply noted that this is a dark story. However, a few also stated that they didn’t feel much sympathy for him due to his previous actions. 

besides the fact that this whole episode was dark, this particular scene made the episode more and more uncomfortable and depressing :( can someone please hug him and tell him that everything is gonna be fine?

WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO THE REVEAL THAT EREN WAS THE AMPUTEE SOLDIER FROM THE LAST EPISODE? 66 Responses

The reveal that Eren was the amputee soldier from the previous episode is another one of this series’ twists and turns. Sadly, a third of the responses had already been spoiled about it. On the other hand, another third or so seemed to have an inkling and were happy to see a confirmation in this one. Just over 21% were simply in shock. 

I knew from his voice 

He's learnt to control his regeneration o.0 I wonder what else he has learnt. Also guessed last episode.

EREN OBSERVES THAT FALCO MAY BE TRYING TO PROTECT “A GIRL” FROM INHERITING THE ARMOR - IMPLYING FALCO MAY HAVE FEELINGS FOR GABI. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT? 66 Responses

When it came to Love Doctor Eren Yeager, more than 50% thought that this development showed his maturation over the course of the story (and 4 years, specifically). Some thought that it didn’t really mean anything, while others looked to a bit more romantic answer. Finally, some thought he was being influenced by the memories of his father or his father’s Attack Titan predecessor.

Don't know if Eren was implying that or if he was trying to gain intel.

BE HONEST - DOES EREN WORK THE HOBO LOOK? 66 Responses

When it came down to seeing Eren’s new design, the majority actually seemed to be more interested in seeing his “manbun” one, as seen in the trailer. Almost 20% thought it was his coolest design to date! The rest either seemed to prefer one of his earlier designs or thought that he looked kinda gross. And some people were just thirsty. 

Cool change. Doesn't look "better", but does make him look more serious/battle-scarred.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

i was super confused at first, but after a lot more research im completely caught up w the story and very excited for whats to come!

Would've enjoyed even more REINER

Definitely ready for more. I always assumed our old team has been lurking on this side of the wall ever since ep 1 (call me crazy, but was that my mans Jean who bought the newspaper??) anywaY, I can’t wait for the reveal/ambush WhatevEr it is they got planned. You know Armin’s behind this shit. Let’s get ittttt

I need to see Levi already!! I feel like I’m going through withdrawal

The artwork was really nice, same with the animation. I thought the bit with Annie and Reiner was too intense though I felt kinda sick watching it. Also, they showed the scene in the trailer where Reiner is talking to Eren when they were in training and also when he was trying to commit suicide but the audio was different from the visual so I'm curious now if Reiner like tries to have Eren kill him but Eren and co want to interrogate him??? So he's like "why won't you let me die?". Also, I like Falco even more now, seems like a great and important character.

Seeing the Titans normally animated makes the cgi hurt more :(

it gave a lot of clarity cant lie

Reiner's backstory with his dad broke my heart. I thought he took it well. For Marcel to die afterwards and the warriors to be pushed down that path was terrible. I also love how Annie was really against attacking the Eldians, and voiced her disgust, and it felt organic. It didn't feel like it was forced in to show viewer thoughts. The episode made me appreciate Annie's maturity from a young age and emotional depth, and the fact that this was achieved with Reiner as the main focus makes it amore impressive.

mappa > wit. no doubt. the cinematography was a m a z i n g. it was very aesthetically pleasing to watch. 

Why did the smiling titan ignore Bertholt?

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 65 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again after next episode. 

[mimiwrites2000]

Legends

Chapter Ten ~

AO3 ~~

Pairings: Armin x Annie/ Eren x Mikasa (other pairings will be added as the story goes on)

Words count: 5963

* spoilers for chapter 127 and up

Summary:

an injury

a miracle

an understanding

and maybe 'everything happens for a reason' holds some truth in it, and all of it leads to that tingle of emotions with unsolvable maze that hypnotize its victims

~a story of broken hearts who are searching for a cure while mending each other’s wounds

It’s been two weeks since Hanji and the rest left.

The days seemed to stretch into eternity, dinners were tasteless, the nights were colder than they really were, and silence was the default ambience they adapted to.

The stream became Eren, Mikasa, and Armin’s, most frequently visited place, well, it’s not like they got a variety of options beside the labyrinthine forests and boundless mountains, but it gave them an adequate privacy to discuss things that were better kept concealed from others, for instance, Eren and Mikasa’s engagement.

They all agreed that postponing the announcement until Hanji and the rest came back was the best choice they could go with, and it also depended on what news Hanji brought back.

One afternoon, Armin was on his way to the stream in search of his two childhood friends who couldn’t be found anywhere around the cottage. But he halted when he glimpsed them through thick, tangled branches.

They were sitting by the stream, Mikasa leaning against Eren’s chest, while he caressed strands of her hair between his fingers. They were talking in low, hushed voices, before Mikasa turned her head and pressed her lips against Eren’s.

Armin turned around and skittered back to the cottage, golden particles of joyfulness flying over his shoulder, mellow grass and flowers’ buds blossoming behind his step. His lips stretched into a beaming grin. From now on, it would be better to rethink his decisions of looking for them each time they disappeared, together.

Luckily, they didn’t have to try hard in terms of hiding their relationship; both were a shy wreck when surrounded with people. If their hands slightly pumped into each other, they’d profusely apologize with unnecessary politeness. Everyone would shoot them quizzical glances, but eventually, they’d go on with whatever they could do in a cottage discarded in the middle of nowhere.

Well, except Mikasa and Eren were idiots.

Due to recent developments, it was a normal occurrence to wake up and find Mikasa in Eren’s sleeping bag, her head snuggled into his chest and his arms wrapped around her waist.

Annie wondered if they legitimately forgot about the past and decided to start with a new, blank page, or if it was just a passing delusional façade which they were seeking to turn a blind eye on. She couldn’t comprehend how Mikasa forgave Eren for all the unmeasurable suffering he put her through. 

So, one night, while Annie had kitchen duty with Armin, she tentatively asked about them.

Annie would never forget what Armin said, when he swiveled his eyes to her, a smile on his face, a potato and a knife occupied his hands: “They didn’t.”

“How is that?” Annie tilted her head to the side, glancing at her ring on Armin’s finger.

“They didn’t forget about the past. Mikasa isn’t over what Eren put her through, nor is Eren, but…” Armin looked down at the potato clutched between his fingers, it had a nasty brown spot on the side of it, with a swift motion of the knife, Armin cut it off. He didn’t finish his sentence.

The dinner that night, Mr. Leonhart asked Armin something no one thought would be talked about: “So Arlert.”

The spoon halted halfway to Armin’s mouth, slight chattering erupting from the table.

“About the ‘memory altering’ you mentioned the other day,” Mr. Leonhart continued, everyone else stopped chewing, spoons no longer clanking against plates, and a humid waft flew through the opened window, “so Eren,” He nudged his head towards where Eren was sitting, “he is capable of changing memories of the Eldians the way he wants to, am I wrong?”

Armin swallowed, gently putting down his spoon on the half-eaten plate of the potatoes he pealed with Annie not long ago: “You’re not wrong, but… it’s not about Eren, it’s the power of the founder that Eren happens to be the holder of.”

“Well that is not very different from what I said.”

“I’m sorry but I think it is, I mean…” Armin hesitated, he repulsed against fidgeting in his seat, “saying that Eren is the one who alters the memories… makes it sound like he changes memory for his own gain, a complete misuse of the Founder power.”

Mr. Leonhart arched an eyebrow, chewing slowly on his food. Annie was -as always- sitting by her father, silently observing the conversation.

“On the other hand,” Armin continued his spiel, he deemed the silence as permission to keep going, “when we say ‘it’s the Founder that’s capable of altering memories, then it’s objective enough to know that it’s not a personal… privilege.”

Mr. Leonhart leaned forward in his seat: “And why are you calling it a privilege?”

A spoon clattered on the table, and everyone whipped their heads towards Annie, whom mouth was agape, staring at Armin.

“I…” Armin began, all eyes swiveling from Annie to him, he glanced at Eren, “I do think it’s a privilege to be able to… change someone’s memories.”

Connie snorted and shook his head: “How is that even a good thing, Armin? We’ve lived all our lives with lies and you are fine with it? Really?”

“No, Connie that’s not what I meant-”

“Connie is right,” Jean interfered, “it’s, and I quote you, ‘inhumane’.”

“And what if it meant happiness to someone you love?” Armin half-cried out.

“Even if it meant them forgetting about you?” Mr. Leonhart asked in return.

“Yes!” Armin’s breath quickened, the ‘yes’ he flung had the weight of detouring future events, and Armin didn’t estimate its heaviness until it came out of his mouth. Mr. Leonhart’s lips twitched in a hasty smirk before his face fell into its passive self.

With shaking fingers, Armin picked up his spoon and stabbed it into the cooling-down potato chunk. Slowly everyone went back to their prior small talks, though their voices were hushed, and their glances faltering.

Annie held the spoon that fell out of her hand a few minutes ago, but she didn’t finish her plate.

Later that night, Mr. Leonhart somehow found Eren, Mikasa, and Armin’s spot at the stream, and he followed Eren and Armin there.

“Hello there, young men,” Mr. Leonhart emerged, and both Armin and Eren jumped. Armin thought that Mr. Leonhart simply materialized from nothingness, he didn’t hear him coming, and Mr. Leonhart was the last one Armin would expect to go there, well, not with his chronic harmed leg.

“Is something wrong?” Armin asked, he stood up out of homage for the old man, Eren followed suit.

Mr. Leonhart let out a breathy chuckle, he cleared his throat endeavoring to hide his labored breathing from a transient journey: “Are bad news the first thing you think of when I show up?”

Armin didn’t know if Mr. Leonhart was being serious or sarcastic, and it didn’t sound like his tone held good news either.

“Well,” Mr. Leonhart let out with a sigh, “I am sorry to disturb your evening, but I came here to request something, that I am afraid, can’t be postponed for much longer.”

Eren looked at Armin from the corner of his eyes; he already told him about his conversation with Mr. Leonhart, how he doesn’t want Armin anywhere near Annie, but Armin didn’t seem like he held any grudge towards the old man, if anything, he told Eren the story from a very understanding point of view.

“We will do what we can,” Eren took the lead; he deemed that Armin would want him to.

“Good,” Mr. Leonhart replied, “I would like to ask you to alter my daughter’s memories.”

Armin’s sight clouded and he was sure he didn’t hear right, Mr. Leonhart could not have just asked Eren to erase Annie’s memories, but when Armin swiveled his head in the direction of Eren, the lines formed between Eren’s eyebrows were enough confirmation.

Eren’s mouth opened and closed but words didn’t come out, and when silence stretched into an unbearable stillness, Armin said: “I’m sorry, altering whom memories?”

Mr. Leonhart shot Armin a look with a raised eyebrow, and the anger boiling inside his veins was inevitable.

“You know Eren can’t just simply-”

“I believe you are not the one with the Founder, and I believe Eren can speak for himself.”

The veins in Armin’s forehead became prominent, his hands turning into fists, he chewed on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying anything that would be regrettable, or worse, be held against him in the future.

But Mr. Leonhart wasn’t giving Armin a rest, he continued: “So Eren, as her father, I think, for her own well-being, starting fresh new would do her good, and I want her to be happy with the rest of her life, to forget the pain she had to go through.”

Armin took a step forward but Eren held him back from his sleeve: “And what about you? You want to alter your memory too?”

After a moment of silence, Mr. Leonhart answered with one, truncate answer: “No.”

Eren let go of Armin’s sleeve: “I think you know that I can’t just use the Founder for personal uses-”

“You are not, you are using it to save someone’s life,” Mr. Leonhart proudly defended his idea, like there was nothing in the world that could deter his mind, and the pride in his voice made pile rise up Armin’s throat.

“How in the world would that save a life?” Armin struggled with focusing his eyes on Mr. Leonhart, “how is that not a misuse of power?”

“Would you not do the same for someone you love?” Mr. Leonhart pivoted, using Armin’s words against him and hitting a nerve in him.

“It’s unfair to take away all the struggle she went through!” Armin burst, taking a step forward, Eren didn’t stop him this time. Armin’s hands were shaking, power charging into his veins that he could just-

“So you want her to live in pain for the rest of her life?” The calmness in Mr. Leonhart’s voice only made Armin’s anger burgeon.

“That pain is what made her Annie, it’s who she is! You’ll rob her off the struggles that made her who she is! The struggles she fought and barely made it through! How would you even think about robbing her off what she deserves credits for?!”

“You are not saying that out of care for Annie, you just do not want her to forget you.” Mr. Leonhart proclaimed, his nose one with the clouds.

“N-no-”

“You do know that if you two met in normal circumstances, you will hardly stand out from the crowd, she would not have bothered acknowledging you,” Mr. Leonhart pointed his cane at Armin, swaying on his spot, “you are aware that you were lucky enough that my daughter even noticed your existence.”

At that moment, Armin knew what it was like for a flaming arrow to burn through his ribcage and shoot straight into his heart.

Mr. Leonhart turned his head away from Armin, instead, he looked at Eren and asked: “If it was consensual, then it is not misuse.”

Eren shook his head, “I… I can’t say-”

“Sure you can!” Armin wasn’t even trying to control the volume of his voice anymore, “Eren you are the holder of an immense power-”

The words stopped in Armin’s throat when his eyes met Eren’s.

When he saw Eren’s softened gaze, his slumped shoulders…

Armin shook his head: “Y-you can’t be…” his eyes widening the more it sank in, “Eren, don’t tell me…”

“I…” Eren tilted his head down, took a deep breath and confessed: “I would be lying if I said I didn’t consider it…”

“That’s- how- no! Just no!”

“But wouldn’t that save all of you from the struggle?” Eren looked up at Armin, meeting his eyes. He flinched when he saw fury dancing through them, “Armin, listen to me-”

“If you ever consider tempering with her memories,” Armin wasn’t used to threats dripping from his voice; poison oozing from his teeth onto the ground, acidifying the grass into a dewy mix of a yellow, soggy hodgepodge. He swallowed and started over, a shaking cautionary finger in front of his face: “if you ever consider tempering with her memories, my memories, or anyone else’s, I swear-”

“You wouldn’t even remember,” Eren stated, as simple as that.

Crack, crack.

Armin retreated his steps, his trust in Eren breaking with every step, the shattering sound of it synchronizing with dry twigs snapping under his boots.

It dawned on him that he could do nothing to stop Eren.

“And you,” Armin shot his eyes towards Mr. Leonhart, he wished he could be as intimidating as he wanted to, but tears were elevating in his throat, on their way to deluge from his eyes, “You’re not even planning to tell her.”

Mr. Leonhart didn’t comment on that, nor did he fidget; his face stoic and it was unbearable how he resembled Annie with his stance.

Armin turned on his spot, and walked away, fuming, tears stinging the edge of his eyes, his throat burning.

He wasn’t far enough from earshot when Mr. Leonhart said, a smirk evident in his voice: “I would never forget this favor.”

Armin imagined them shaking hands with a smile plastered on their faces.

Three days later, Hanji was knocking at the door.

It was a relief to see Hanji, Magath, Gabi, accompanied by Kiyomi all well and healthy, delivering good news.

On their way, they got to track down Kiyomi’s whereabouts, since they separated after the battle at the harbor.

With a slim chance of questioning the location of a nation’s leader without enticing unwanted attention; they succeeded.

They met at a wheel-less wagon that was used as a local pastries side shop.

Kiyomi was ahead of them, already planning her next step, so, with the help of her and Magath, they communicated with other political parties and they concluded to peace, since the world’s most empowered army was lost to the dust, they had no other choice but to ceasefire.

Kiyomi was all over Mikasa when they met, she embraced her in a suffocating hug, crying tears of joy and relief, mumbling things about being worried sick about her and being grateful that she’s well and alive. Mikasa only awkwardly hugged her back.

The light, newly-casual atmosphere was back, and the stress that was wearing them out was finally thawing.

~~~

“So… why did you guys get me here?” Hanji wondered, their hands in their pockets.

Eren looked over at the stream, then back at Mikasa, none of them knowing how to start the conversation. They’ve decided to tell Hanji first in private and plan out their next step.

“Um…” Mikasa started, she hoped Armin was with them; he offered to accompany them, but Mikasa and Eren insisted that they could handle it.

Besides, Mikasa sensed some tension between the two of them; it started the night they went together to the stream, each of them returning to the cottage separately.

“I was wondering… if a… mini-celebration c-could be held…” Mikasa said after a long pause, she was hesitant to talk about this, but since everything was almost back to normal…

“What? A celebration for what? To celebrate peace? I mean yeah sure why not-” 

“N-no,” Eren interrupted Hanji, one drop of sweat slid down his forehead, then he gestured for Mikasa to continue.

Mikasa’s fingers were trembling, she scrubbed her feet together against the dirt and swallowed. She glanced at Eren and whirled of comfort washed over her chest when she saw him nervously smiling at her, and when he nodded, she mustered the courage to let out what she had in the bag.

“A wedding.”

Hanji stared at Mikasa, a confused, amused expression on their face as the tip of their lips twitched upwards. Hanji gave Mikasa two marginal head shakes and a knitted-eyebrows.

Perhaps Mikasa should’ve elaborated more.

“A wedding…” Hanji repeated slowly, Mikasa nodded in confirmation. Hanji squinted their eyes before they dropped the bomb: “and whom exactly is getting married?” 

Mikasa held her breath in, her tongue turned into a knot in her mouth, it created a coarse lump, and she thought she’s gonna choke on it and die.

“Mikasa and I…” Eren came to the rescue, Hanji’s eyes swerved to him, and Eren forgot what he wanted to say.

They made two scenarios of how Hanji would react; they’d either glare them to death, or kick them out of their temporary (or not) residence and threaten to chop off their ears if they ever see them nearby again.

It was off limits that Hanji would start… cackling.

At first it was just giggles, then it turned into chuckles, at this point, Eren and Mikasa were thinking if straight up running away was an option- then Hanji was guffawing, stomping their feet on the ground, torrents of tears meandering down their cheeks.

The laughing ceased into minor hiccups, morphing into respiratory snorts, before Hanji was muffling their mouth with their sleeve, trying to hold in the sobs shaking their body. Hanji’s legs gave out, sprawling on the dirt beneath them.

The option of running away was thrown out the window as Eren and Mikasa cautiously stepped closer to Hanji, as if they were approaching a ticking bomb. Mikasa put a feathery hand on Hanji’s shoulder, craning her head to the side to get a glimpse at Hanji’s face, but Hanji cloistered it with both their hands, sniffling.

Mikasa shot a panicked look in the direction of Eren, who shrugged helplessly. If only Armin was here with us.

“I’m really sorry…” Hanji wept out between ceasing-sobs, “it just…”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, we are sorry, it was emotionless of us to-”

“No! No!” Hanji interrupted Mikasa, finally looking up at her; their cheeks were wet, and their eyes were starting to redden, “it reminded me of Erwin.”

Eren and Mikasa glanced at each other; bewildered at how this whole marriage spiel reminded Hanji of the past commander.

“We used to make bets, you know, like really dumb bets about the love lives of others and…” Hanji tilted her head to the sky, watching a white bird soaring over their head, drawing circles in its trace, “and we made a bet about you two.”

Hanji compelled a breathy laugh, “He bet twenty bucks on you to get together when you turn twenty, and here we are! Now I owe him five bucks!” Hanji spread their arms and yowled at the sky: “even at this you were right!”

Eren looked at Mikasa, only to see that she was already looking at him, her eyes glistening, the tips of her lips twitched upwards in a sad smile.

~~~

Mikasa, Eren, and Hanji have been out for two hours.

Armin was leaning against the wall beside the window, he kept glancing outside, waiting for the moment they came back.

When Eren and Mikasa decided to break the ice and announce their relationship, Armin offered to be by their side, but they dismissed him, saying that “we got this.”

Got it my ass, Armin thought, if only they looked at their reflection in the mirror…

Nothing regarding altering Annie’s memories had been said between Armin and Eren, and since Mikasa didn’t interfere, Armin assumed that Eren didn’t mention it to her.

Armin must talk to Eren, he can’t just let him do it…

But at the same time, something nagged at Armin’s head…

It bothered Armin that he was -to some extent- convinced about a ‘new start’ would be good for Annie. He cared so much for her, he wanted her to be happy.

The logical thinking is to tinker all their memories, they’ve been through hell and back, and not everyone in the world could forget their past, to have the ability to wring away all the taunting bitter life they’ve been through.

It’s tempting…

But…

Armin closed his eyes, he saw himself, his younger self, weeping in his grandfather embrace.

My parents were killed.

He saw a colossal titan looming over wall Maria.

I lost my hometown.

He remembered when his grandfather gave him his straw hat.

I lost my grandfather.

The chill breeze drifting through the window reminded him of his days on the streets.

I was homeless.

The stinging ache in his legs and arms and the questionable aroma of the boys’ dorms.

I enrolled in the military and became a soldier.

Trost, his first expedition; the bodies of his comrades.

I witnessed my friends die.

He remembered vomit burning his throat after the first time he stamped his hands with humans’ blood.

I killed people, I killed people.

Shiganshina, Commander Erwin, and Bertolt.

I was burnt alive, then was brought back to life on behalf of two other people.

When he transformed at the harbor.

I became a monster.

Sasha…

I lost a lot.

Eren, Mikasa…

I saw the most important people to me suffer and I couldn’t do anything about it.

The rumbling.

I’m not the one who should’ve been revived.

And here they are.

Armin let out a sigh, he saw more than a human being should see in their whole life, and he was, what? Almost twenty years old?

It’s funny how far life can go with being unfair.

But…

Armin clenched his jaw, oh yeah, he saw the worst life could offer, but… it gave him a lot.

His dreams, the ocean, his childhood friends, his comrades.

The person he had become…

And you know what? I will never even forget about it, Armin thought, all these struggles? Oh yeah, I totally scraped my teeth against metal to go through it.

And you think I’ll just throw it away? To throw away all the pain I got over with? No. way.  

But maybe Annie had another perspective, maybe she just…

She won’t remember you, she’d go on with her life.

Perhaps she doesn’t want to remember you, maybe it’s better for her to forget, and forget forever.

Armin decided that he had enough with his thoughts, he needed a distraction, and at the same moment, Annie sat on the couch across from him.

Armin sighed for the millionth time, as if letting out the air compressing his lungs would somehow disperse the thoughts crowding his mind. He managed to maneuver his mind into thinking that this was some sort of a sign.

Since the day Mr. Leonhart had that very first tirade with Armin, he had a hesitant urge to talk out things with Annie, and after Mr. Leonhart’s other talk with Eren and Armin, the itch gotten painfully worse. He wasn’t aware of what exactly needed to be discussed, or how to approach it, but one of the things he was sure would slip off his tongue was why didn’t she tell me she was leaving?

And what frustrated him is that she didn’t even budge about it, like it was nothing!

Armin took a deep breath; he was going to sit beside her, cut to the chase, ask her about the whole leaving thing and attempt to get to the other ‘memories’ issue.

… or not, first, he should probably ask about her day, maybe a cup of tea would also be nice, or he could wait for another time where he wasn’t stressed out about-

The door burst open, and a beaming Hanji stormed into the cottage: “Alright you guys we’re gonna need a big ass cake ready by the evening-”

“Hanji no wait!” A flustered Mikasa and Eren shrieked, jostling themselves in the door frame.

“What’s going on?” Historia walked into the living room, her eyes travelled from Annie sitting on the couch, to Armin who was still shock-frozen, to Hanji trying to say something but Mikasa suffocating them with her hands.

Jean and Connie emerged from the kitchen, holding cups of some steaming beverage, then one after the other, everyone was flowing into the room, even Levi.

“Would someone care to explain?” Historia asked, her tone on the verge of astonishment and frustration.

“We… uh…” Eren started, but the dozens of eyes staring into him paralyzed his tongue.

“We would like to ask for your blessing of our marriage.” Mikasa managed to let out in one go without getting paralyzed herself, earning a panicked glance from Eren, who didn’t expect Mikasa to just announce it like that.

Gabi gasped so loud and covered her mouth with her hand.

A fatal silence followed.

A needle drop would be heard through the stillness that swathed them, and maybe they were holding their breaths because it couldn’t be heard either.

“Well,” Historia started, her tone breathy, she didn’t know what to say, her mouth was open but no words came out, then, she cleared her throat, closed her eyes, took a deep breath that flared her nostrils and caved in the walls, then her eyes fluttered back open. Historia stood at the center of the room, and with her queen voice, she declared: “me, as the Queen of Eldia, would gladly give you my blessings, and I wish you a future filled with happiness.” 

Eren averted his head towards Mikasa; she was chewing on her bottom lip. They looked at each other, then attentively stepped in the direction of Historia, they knelt in front of her, their hands on their hearts.

Then Historia laughed loudly, breaking her queen demeanor, as she ushered them to their feet and wrapped her arms around them in a ribs-crushing embrace. Mikasa managed a breathy giggle through her compressed lungs.

Everyone followed suit, giving their blessing with awkward hugs and clumsy handshakes. Eren and Mikasa even got a handshake from Levi, and that was something… right?

Kiyomi shed some tears as she hugged Mikasa until her face turned blue, and Kiyomi promised her that, if only the circumstances were different, she’d hold a wedding for them that the whole world would be talking about for years.

Armin was watching from the corner of the room, not budging to lean off the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes. Armin took a deep breath, relishing this passing moment of content, I did ask for a distraction after all, but when he opened his eyes, he saw twinkling shreds of glass on the floor, splattered by red droplets, Connie rushing outside, following Jean.

No one seemed to notice that but Armin; the room was lively with talks and plans for the wedding. He peeked from the window and saw Jean wrapping a towel over his right hand, Connie saying something, wearing a mixed expression between distraught and concern.

When Armin swiveled his eyes back to the room, a pair of icy blue glowered at him from across the room.

Well, maybe he wasn’t the only one who noticed that after all.

Annie nudged her head towards the kitchen and went into it, after a minute or so, Armin followed her.

The kitchen wasn’t as spacious as a proper functional kitchen is supposed to be, its maximum capacity was three people adjoined shoulder to shoulder.

Annie propped herself against the sink, Armin leaned against the wall opposed from her, he waited for her to say something.

Annie hugged herself and said: “Do you think it’s a good idea for them to get married now?”

Armin frowned his eyebrows, his lips twitching into an uncertain smile: “It’s not about what I or anyone else think, it’s about them. If this would make them happy, then why not?”

“Armin, we’re living in an isolated cottage, the rest of the world assumes that we’re dead, and just the other day we were in the middle of a war.” Annie reasoned.

“So what? We should sit around and brood about it until we die?” Armin didn’t mean to sound as sarcastic as he did, but Annie didn’t bat an eye about it.

“Are they ready to throw their past away and start a new life? Just like that?” 

“I can’t see why you would have any problem with that,” Armin shrugged, she does want to forget, and this is a proof, “besides, we’ve already talked about this before.”

Annie pushed herself off the sink and walked to Armin, who didn’t fidget but locked eyes with her.

“Do you think they’re in the right state of mind to make a family?” Annie questioned, getting closer to Armin.

“They can heal together; I know they’ll be there for each other,” Armin answered, he didn’t know where Annie was going with her questions and a part of him wanted her to just stop, he wanted to block his ears, curl in a ball and freeze his mind for a minute, just a minute.

“Is it even possible? And what about Jean? You saw him…”

“Annie…” Armin’s eyes softened, he let his arms drop at his sides, he said in a tiny voice: “we’re all broken, we’re all damaged. Mikasa and Eren are trying to patch-up each other, together, that’s how they were meant to be since they were nine, and Jean…” don’t say it don’t say it, “he has to let it go.” 

Annie tilted her head up, her arms that hugged herself loosened, but her eyes didn’t deter.

Armin sighed, pushing himself off the wall and straightening up, he forced a smile and inquired: “Why are you so concerned with them?” 

Annie’s eyes wavered, she swallowed and answered: “I’m not that concerned with them.”

“You are.” Armin disagreed.

Annie didn’t say anything back, she just swayed on her legs, sometimes jittering her foot. Armin craning down his neck to look at her was unusual to him, he surely was much taller than her, but seeing her from that angle made her look even more petite than she was.

Annie turned her head to the side: “Since I’m living here with all of you, I must as well make sure you all-”

Without thinking, Armin placed two fingers under her chin and spun her head to him.

Annie’s eyes widened for a mere second, her cheeks heating up. She glanced at his hand and then at his eyes, managing a quizzical eyebrow at him.

“You didn’t tell me you were leaving…” Armin whispered, a halfhearted smile playing on his lips, and his head dropped down, his bangs falling into his eyes, and Annie held herself from brushing them back.

Leaving?

Annie’s eyebrows wrinkled, her head skewed, not really knowing what Armin was referring to-

“Annie! Come here!” Historia’s voice chirped from the living room, Armin dropped his hand and both him and Annie whipped their head towards the sound.

Annie glanced at Armin one last time, before she walked out the kitchen.

However, Armin didn’t move, he leaned back on the wall and crossed his arms, kicking the wall with the heel of his foot.

Voices erupted from the other room, Reiner’s gruff, deep voice could never be mistaken: “You never told us you were leaving, when are you even planning to?”

“At least wait until the wedding! It’s gonna be fun!” Historia’s voice rose again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get a chance to tell you.” Annie’s voice was finally heard.

The half-smile that pulled at Armin’s lips dropped, he sighed then pressed his lips together.

Just what exactly was I expecting? 

Armin pushed himself off the wall, and walked into the living room, noticing that Annie was sitting next to her father, as everyone else’s enthusiastic voices were overlapping.

However, Armin didn’t see what happened a few minutes ago.

He didn’t see that Annie was shocked when they asked her why she was leaving, and that she didn’t know how to answer until she looked at her father, who only nodded silently.

Later that night, everyone was immersed in sleep, slow breaths and quietness.

But Annie…

Her eyes snapped open, her breathing quick and unrhythmic, a layer of cold sweat covering her skin. Annie looked around the room, but the pitch-black color didn’t allow her to see anything, as if she didn’t even open her eyes.

She couldn’t remember what she woke up from, all she knew that it was horrific.

Annie stood up on shaking knees and tiptoed between sleeping bags relying on her memories of how they lined them up. Trying not to step on anyone’s foot was like eating soup with a fork.

She kept looking behind her back, as if what she saw in her sleep had come to haunt her in this world too. Each time her toes touched the cold, wooden floor, a blazing fire shot up her spine.

Once Annie stepped into the kitchen, she closed the door and leaned against it.

She took deep breaths, choking on the third one as she realized how dry her throat was.

Water, I need water.

From the end of the kitchen, Annie heard a chirk of a match being lit, its little spark following before it was a ball of fire illuminating the kitchen.

Annie startled, inhaling sharply before another gust of air scraped her throat, turning her into a coughing fit that obliged out wheezing sounds, the air squeezing out from her lungs.

The match got closer to her and Annie could finally see a hand stretched out, carrying a glass of water.

Annie took it and gulped it down, the thorns in her throat dwindling.

“I thought you would be up by now.”

After drinking the water until its last drop, Annie wiped her mouth with her sleeve, while still panting, she said: “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is freaking people out is what you do now, Eren?”

Eren chuckled with sealed lips, making his laugh sound like water bubbling in a pot, right before it boiled. He started searching in one of the door-less cabinets, internally thanking whoever suggested depositing their rusty doors.

Soon after, he produced a candle and lit it with the almost-dead match, before he leaned against the sink, looking at Annie, who managed to control her breathing, and was gawking at Eren, like he held a cut limb and not a candle.

“Well, since you’re here,” Eren started, “I was meaning to talk to you.”

“And you think now is a good time? In the middle of the night after I almost died, and you scared the shit out of me?”

“Couldn’t ask for a better opportunity.”

“Alright I’m out,” Annie cracked the door open, “whatever you have to say, can be said tomorrow-”

“W-wait,” Eren lurched forward, catching Annie’s hoodie’s cape between his finger, “I-it’s urgent,” He pleaded with his eyes, and Annie rose an eyebrow at him, “it’s about Armin.”

Annie stopped, a foot outside the kitchen and the other still in. She stared his trespassing hand off her, then slowly closed the door, making sure to not wake anyone up.

“You want to gossip about Armin with me? Bad choice if you ask me.”

“Annie, I’m trying to be serious, and I know that you do have your own inquires about him.”

Annie waited a few seconds before she averted her eyes and muttered: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do, and I’ll answer your question, if you answer mine.”

She was apprehensive for a few moments, and she couldn’t tame the burgeon curiosity clawing its nails in her skull.

Annie tapped her foot three times: “If only I go first.”

“Deal.”

“How did Armin know I was leaving before I knew myself?” Annie let it out in one go before she could allow herself to back away.

“Your father told him.”

“What? When-”

“My turn.”

Annie rolled her eyes.

Eren took a step forward and whispered: “Armin will never forgive me… but I have to…” he sighed, “Annie, I need you to listen.”

~~~

You guys, I’m tearing up as I post this because this took so long to edit, my mind is basically BURNT

Ok so uh, after chapter 132 came out, I kinda… found it hard to write Hanji… in fact, the scene where Hanji screams at the sky, I added it the day before leaks came out and we got the horrific news…

Anyway, I don’t know how to approach this so I’m just gonna jump straight into it Feedback would be very important to develop this story, after all, I posted it so you guys can get a glimpse into my fucked up mind, and it’s very important to me to know what parts of this story was weak, what parts didn’t make sense, did the characters act in an understandable way in some scenes? Where did I over describe and where did I not describe enough?

Basically, just shoot, I accept criticism whether it’s negative or positive, just SHOOT

Also it would be fun to hear your expectations of how this story might go, since two thirds of it is already written down, it would be really fun to know if we all think the same or not lol Ok I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far have a good day/night!

[my-unruly-heart]

my heart’s at the wheel now

Tag List: @radcowboyalmondtree @annabanana2401 @babeebobo

masterpost

sorry if this is bad, it was kinda just me exploring a different way of writing and how Anne deals with her trauma around the beginning of May. So it will talk about her beheading in passing and there is a minor panic attack.

30th of April

“This quarrel with Norris, and the gossip it caused, may have been the reason for an argument between the King and Queen on Sunday 30th April, recorded by Alexander Ales and written as an account for Elizabeth I, Anne and Henry’s daughter, in September 1559:-”

“Never shall I forget the sorrow which I felt when I saw the most serene queen, your most religious mother, carrying you, still a baby, in her arms and entreating the most serene king your father, in Greenwich Palace, from the open window of which he was looking into the courtyard, when she brought you to him. I did not perfectly understand what had been going on, but the faces and gestures of the speakers plainly showed that the king was angry, although he could conceal his anger wonderfully well. Yet from the protracted conference of the council (for whom the crowd was waiting until it was quite dark, expecting that they would return to London), it was most obvious to everyone that some deep and difficult question was being discussed.”

The queens knew may 19th would be a bad day for Anne but they didn’t expect her to pull away from everyone so early. They had all been at an interview (that seems to be how all these stories start) and it was seemingly going very well, the historian was kind and genuinely cared about hearing the queens’ stories. He also was very aware of the date and before they began pulled Anne aside and told her she didn’t need to answer anything that she didn’t want to, he also asked what topics she would like to avoid. So, all in all, it was a pretty successful interview. 

The feeling of dread Anne had begun to feel that morning was forgotten by the time she had retired to her room that evening. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits as the second queen fell asleep with a smile on her face.

1st of May

“Henry VIII and his second wife, Queen Anne Boleyn, attended the joust just as they had in previous years, but this one ended with the king abandoning his queen unexpectedly. If Anne hadn’t figured out that something was going on before this point, she surely must have been suspicious at the king’s sudden departure.

We know that court musician Mark Smeaton had been arrested the previous day and that within 24 hours he’d confessed to sleeping with the queen. However, Anne was in the dark. Bad things were happening around her, but she did not know what was going on.”

Anne had to drag herself out of bed that morning. The usually energetic girl shuffled quietly to the kitchen where all the other queens were already seated. 

“Morning love,” Catherine smiled at the younger queen as Jane turned to make Anne a cup of coffee, a rare allowance for Anne that early in the morning. “Sleep well?”

Anne looked at Catherine for a moment, blinked a few times then shrugged, “Oui, mais ça n’en a pas envie.” Catherine laughed for a moment before turning to Cathy,

“Do you mind translating love?” Cathy nodded giggling a little at how out of it her girlfriend was, “She said yes, but she doesn’t feel like it.”

The first queen nodded and smiled sympathetically at Anne. Soon all six women had settled down at the table. Kit was talking about something, using dramatic hand gestures for emphasis as Anna laughed at the girl quietly. Anne tried to listen to her cousin but her mind was fuzzy, she was so so tired. Maybe if she just closed her eyes for a minute-

“ANNIE! No sleeping at breakfast!”

Anne looked up blearily at her cousin, gave her a smirk, and dropped her head back onto her arms, folded on the table. The rest of the day went on in a similar fashion and the daze Anne seemed to be in never lifted.

2nd of May

“In “Las nuevas de Ynglaterra de la presion de la Manceba del Rey”, recorded in Letters and Paper on the 2nd May, it reports Rochford’s arrest as being to do with him covering up his sister’s crimes and being an accessory, rather than being one of her lovers:-

“The Emperor has letters from England of 2 May, stating that the mistress of the king of England, who is called queen, had been put in the Tower for adultery with an organist of her chamber, and the King’s most private “sommelier de corps.” Her brother is imprisoned for not giving information of her crime. It is said that, even if it had not been discovered, the King had determined to leave her, as he had been informed that she had consummated a marriage with the earl of Nortemberlano (Northumberland) nine years ago.”

This leaves us wondering whether George Boleyn was arrested first and then the charge of incest made up later, a shocking and horrific allegation which would turn everyone against him and his sister.”

The show that night went well, it was one of those nights where everyone got really into it, including the audience; and for what it was worth, Anne was in a good mood. The second queen joked around with the others, although she stuck close to Maggie’s side the two seemed to be in better form.

The queens and ladies in waiting were all well aware of the date and were frankly quite shocked at how well Anne and Maggie had been handling everything, considering the mess the year before had been. When the group of 10 Tudor women got home that night the adrenaline from the show left them all awake. After some friendly banter back and forth it was decided they would watch Moana.

It was about halfway through the movie when Maggie and Anne began talking amongst themselves, “à quoi sert le crabe ? Je suis désolé de ne pas l’avoir, il se sent un peu plus”. (what's the point of the crab? I'm sorry I just don't get it, he feels a little bit extra)

“Je suis désolé a fait Anne 'Kitty est triste alors j’ai besoin de lui obtenir un chat' Boleyn juste tout un film supplémentaire ?” (I'm sorry did Anne 'Kitty is sad so I need to get her a cat' Boleyn just all a movie extra?) Cathy looked up and laughed at Anne, “Vous n’avez pas de place pour parler, mon amour” (you have no room to talk, my love)

The three girls laughed before turning their attention back to the movie. As Anne got ready for bed she smiled, it had been a good day.

4th of May

“Sir William Kingston, the Constable of the Tower of London, was ordered to make regular reports to Cromwell regarding Anne Boleyn’s imprisonment in the Tower. Obviously, Anne could say things that her enemies could use against her and for that reason her ladies in the Tower were appointed by Cromwell and were also ordered not to speak to Anne unless Lady Kingston was present to remember or record what was said.”

For the next few days Anne seemed to be glued to either Maggie or Cathy, it wasn’t surprising for anyone really so they all went on as normal. It was around this time that Anne and Cathy began going on walks more. No one asked about the change as it wasn't hurting anyone, but it was the first sign of the storm that was brewing.

  The show that day had gone well and they had rehearsals for some events afterwords. The girls were all goofing around on the stage while the directors took a few notes,

“See here’s the thing there is no way to know that we all see colours the same!”

“Anne, I thought we had a no talking nonsense at rehearsal rule,” Aragon looked over at the girl and sighed, “stop mumbling to yourself.”

Anne just stuck her tongue out and leaned back onto Cathy who was braiding the girl’s wild hair. She looked up at her girlfriend, smiled, and gave her a quick kiss. The rest of the day carried on in a similar fashion, although Anne couldn’t ignore the heavy feeling in her stomach.

15th of May

“On the 15th May 1536, Queen Anne Boleyn was tried in the King’s Hall in the Tower of London. The trial was to be a huge public spectacle, attracting, according to Chapuys, around 2,000 spectators, so Sir William Kingston had arranged for a “great scaffold” (platform) to be erected in the middle of the hall, benches and seats arranged for the lords, and benches along the walls of the hall. Alison Weir writes of how a special throne for the Lord High Steward, the Duke of Norfolk, was placed on the dais at the end of the hall, underneath the canopy of estate which bore the royal arms – the Duke of Norfolk was to represent the King and would have to put aside the fact that Anne and George were his niece and nephew.”

Five out of the six ex-wives of Henry VIII were awoken by a shrill scream from the loft bedroom. A conversation wasn’t necessary to make the decision that Jane and Catherine wouldn’t be any help, try as they might to help Anne. Kit and Cathy went up the stairs while Anna went to help the other two girls make tea for everyone (“no Cathy you do ‘t get coffee until breakfast and that’s final.”) 

When the girls got into the room Anne was thankfully awake, and she wasn’t scratching at her neck. Instead, she was just sat staring at the wall opposite her bed. “He was innocent you know” Cathy frowned as she sat beside her girlfriend, not really knowing what she meant. “Can I touch you, Annie?” Anne nodded before continuing her thought as she curled into Cathy’s side and Kit played with her hair. 

“Why’d Henry feel the need to go after George?” Kit sighed, she wasn’t annoyed at her cousin, she just didn’t have an answer for her. Cathy looked at the youngest queen for a second before turning her focus back onto her girlfriend, “No one knows Annie, but it wasn’t your fault.” Anne shook her head and sat up straight, pulling her knees up to her chest. Anna returned at this point, handing everyone a cup of tea before sitting down to join the conversation.

“I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I like the idea that some people think I might” It was Anna who spoke this time, after a few moments of stunned silence. “How do you KNOW you don’t deserve forgiveness? What did you do wrong?” Anne just looked at her, part of her agreeing with Anna but the ‘what ifs’ were loud and overbearing. 

After a few moments of silence, it was obvious that Anna wanted an answer, “Nothing.” It was meek and not very convincing but it was a start, and that’s all anyone could ask.

[projectpious]

"Where do I begin?

well, of course- the start. My earliest memory...was about when I was three years of age...I felt freezing and paralyzed- I then found as I grew up my father had put me in the garage in winter. The scum...he was a genius yet the bastard somehow thought putting a child in the cold would make me resilient...thanks to those days, I am sick, weak, scrawny. Days never stop coming, so those moments are trivial, now- another factor, I'm dead. Anyway, life went on without even a shadow- excluding a girl who I despised shortly after meeting- May Merrington. She was just as despicable as her family's business- her father Tim Merrington was a good man- in terms of achievement.....





and then I was 17. shortly after March, My parents and Takano, my older sister were assassinated. Their deaths hindered me- but never really depressed me. My father, I won't ever miss the jerk, my mother, she seemed to despise all of her own kin and never acknowledged my cry. She wasn't any better than Father. Then Rei- she ignored me her whole life,"

he chuckled.

"And mine, now. So we never had any relationship. She would feel the same about my death if I had died before her. But anyway, that year (1918) late April, I met Lisa, she never told me her last name- I called her Mistress and she was very annoyed by it. She was my caretaker and protector sent by my father who, as she put it, 'realized I was a useless idiot' and had someone in charge of protecting me. She was strange- but enticingly so. she was my bodyguard and some sort of parent, for about 5 years, until I was 22. Oh, I forgot to mention Tanabe. And Chiyo. What an eventful time it was from when I was 17. Tanabe was a small girl who I took in after I found her stowed away in my home. She was the one who killed me. I see why, although. I was not a good caretaker- I was 19 and she created my infatuation for human behavior. She was so malleable and did anything I told her- but she was stubborn all the same. She had opinions that I could not change- but I could create new opinions in her. That's what was so strange to me. Things once created could never be destroyed. Once they learned, it was set in stone and they would fight anything opposing it. But they would quickly accept an opinion they never had and the cycle would repeat. Ah, sorry I got carried away, then Chiyo. She was my first lover- she also kept my infatuation with human behavior going- mostly about desire. She was obviously a serious woman with an interesting attitude, but her fault was youth and she fell to lust. She made me wonder about how people could change. I left them both. Of course! They had things to do and they were growing. But it was unfortunate that Tanabe grew up to kill me. I'm proud of her- she grew...in more ways than personality...well, anyway after all that, I found Benjamin. He was a common enemy of my father and he had just come from a coma. And, oh so surprisingly he tried to kill me!"





he snickered and sighed.





"But he was dealt with. Benjamin was a very lion-like man he fought to no end and took great pride and passion in every move he took. He reminded me of my father. not having the entitled mentality he had although. I respected him so I didn't kill him myself. I had someone else do the deed, and then that would result in my death...then I met Etienne. His real name was Lucien Etienne Abreo. He was some sort of child of Benjamin's. He murdered the killer of the man and then came for me. But Lisa and he fought to the death- well Lisa's death. I actually shed a tear, at her funeral...she was a good person and an even better parent than...whatever father was to her, a waste of beauty too. But my life moved on...I needed something to replace Lisa so I forced Etienne to pay Benjamin's debt in a form of protection. I was also interested in the reason he didn't kill me. He said,





'I...took away somethin' important to you... like ya did me...so now we're strangers until our payment is unbalanced..."





I thought about that for days! What was wrong with this country boy? But I believe I figured out what he meant. He thought that as strangers we owed nothing to each other- but when he met me and I made our trade unbalanced- he killed Lisa to balance it. And then he was balancing his debt protecting me. Etienne was a peculiar man. Even if he was meant to entertain me and replace Lisa, I ended up very close to him. He was my best and only friend."





He looked down distantly, snapping back after a few seconds.





"Until later- a child labor camp paid me generously to bring two very special children, two blonde ones. Etienne didn't know what I was doing at the time when I bought Annie and Vincent. When I bought them he took care of them developed an attachment to them. He discovered, and when they were sold, he lashed out at me and left to go find them...I don't know what happened after that. I do know that the camp is after him, and many more as he made it his absolute mission to destroy the business. He visited me in the hospital when I was terribly ill and bought me medicine, He visited many more times after that. He said he considered us some type of friends, most times when he visited me we just sat in silence, but we said a million words to each other all the same. But then I met a small boy named Quinn who I met during a trade with Tim. He was like a child, to me. Helped me in..."





He groaned and leaned into the chair.





"Oh heavens, don't get me started on my last years. All too much and all too little happened. Many people found out about him.

Maurice Arthur Courtet. He was working behind the scenes to bring down the city. Many didn't notice his handiwork- as he did it meticulously. I was very impressed but blew it off- as the first thing I found out was there was someone from the outside undercover here, and I immediately had him killed. And I had someone track down Maurice. But the cockroach stayed under the radar. And he apparently expected the man to be killed, and he already had the information and a few more people from the outside on his side. It all ended when he found Tanabe. Before that the government of the city released the treaty from the outside agreeing to build the city and I was going to kill Connor Brown- but then..."









"Boom!"

"Tanabe killed me. December 8th, 1936. With a pistol...I died, beautifully though, on the piano."





He looked up and let out a laugh.





"And everything went on without me. The city was uncovered. I died what my father declared me to be,

A useless idiot."



-Draft