#I’m not linking the meme we die like men

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Q: What are the significant contributing factors to why suicide is such a prevalent problem for men?

A: Research is showing us that men who are suicidal don’t consider themselves having a "mental health problem." They have a problem that's out there, external. It will be things like debt, or joblessness, or experiences of abuse, experiences of childhood trauma, or bullying in school.

One in five suicides in the UK, of men, is linked to relationship breakdown, and child custody battles. A huge cohort of men fighting a losing battle against a sexist family court system, and a lot of them turn to suicide. They're not "mentally unwell." They've just lost their child. And in fact, they're responding in a way that actually makes a lot of sense. So, I’d say in general, we need to stop seeing suicide as an irrational decision, based on some sort of mental health problem, and start to understand suicide as a rational solution-based outcome, for many men, who are trying to solve a problem of which they can’t control, and they've got no choices left.

Susie and I described male suicide a bit like, a pot of water on a stove, and it's bubbling up, and it's about to pop off. That man talking is equivalent to taking the lid off that saucepan. You're taking the lid off, you're allowing it to breathe. You're allowing it to settle down. And talking, taking that lid off off, does help. It helps deal with the problem itself, but I don’t know if it solves the problem. We need to work out what is that, the thing that's creating that heat? Is it a man in debt? Is it a man losing his job? Is it a man losing his child? Is it some sort of relationship breakdown?

11% of men who are being abused, will attempt suicide. That is a massive problem. If one of those men goes to a talk group, and tells the people there, "I’m being abused... there’s nowhere for me to go. There are no shelters. I call up the abuse helpline... they think I'ma predator." If that charity listening to that man, doesn’t then go onto advocate for greater support for male victims of abuse; more shelters, more funding, a fundamental change in the way in which police handle abuse. Then that charity is not doing enough, in my opinion. Charities need to "talk" themselves, they're the ones that need to "talk," and actually do something about the problems that men are telling them about.

The vast majority of men who die by suicide do actually talk, and have actually sought help, but the help they got was not adequate, and it failed them, and they still died by suicide. So this meme of "men can talk," as some sort of silver bullet to suicide. It's just not good enough.

It highlights a very important generalised difference in how we look at women's and men’s issues. For women’s, for example, we say, "the problem is out there in society... we need to change society." For men’s issues, we only ever say, "he needs to change himself."

As well, we need to let men speak about what they want to speak about. So often men do talk, and we don't like what they've got to say, and we tell them to "shut up." So then we've got these two co-existing strands, one side is telling men "to talk," and the other is telling men to "shut up." And overall, we can all do better. And we have to do better.

And recognise male suicide is a massive, societal, epidemic problem, that we all need to help solve, and not just throw it at the feet of men. And until we start seeing men in the same way as women, the victim of issues that they are not fully in control of, then I don’t know what we can really do for male suicide.

--

It’s men’s mental health month, and as much as it’s important to raise awareness around #mentalhealth, and the importance of discussing it without stigma, it is also a time to speak about what mental health is not.

And no…’mental health’ is not the best lens through which to view and understand the epidemic of male suicide, which remains the leading cause of death in men below the age of 50.

No doubt in the week before this, and in the weeks to come, #mensmentalhealthmonth will be marked with many well-meaning calls, and kind words, to reduce male suicide.

Many will share numbers to call, a plea to ‘talk’, or offer a listening ear; but what few will speak of, is how most suicidal men don’t even conceptualise the problem they have as a ‘mental heath problem’, at all.

In fact, most of these men are of sound mind, viewing suicide as a rational and solution-based outcome, to ‘solve’ a problem they can no longer bear.

These men will point to debt, or joblessness, some kind of relationship breakdown, experiences of bullying, or abuse, sexual trauma, physical disability, loneliness, child custody breakdown…

And when it comes to such issues, each of which can lead directly to suicide, it is not men who refuse to talk, but society.

We refuse to talk about such issues men face, or even deny their existence entirely.

It’s a strange time to be an advocate fighting male suicide, because so many people claim to care, but when it comes to having the difficult, ugly discussions around the very things that cause male suicide, the room suddenly empties and the kindness evaporates.

The simple fact is, that male suicide has been in the limelight for years now; the campaigns have run, the money has been spent, and the problem is no better.

Something is not working.

Yes.

We are right to ask for “talk”, but not just words from the men needing our help, but “talk” from everybody else too.

So why are men doing this?

Are suicide interventions working?

And have we gotten our view of men’s issues, and male suicide, all wrong?

[currentfandomkick]

So idea: phanfam convince Danny to leave Gotham Full Stop and are taking care of him in another city. Ellie is more openly his daughter, and she admits she was made by science and was only stabilized recently to explain the age thing. Its an open secret.

For city options I’d say Star or Central.

If we go with Central, we have Danny and Ellie being more open about their non-standard biology, Jazz is likely in a doctorate program at this point and Danny is in his last semester for his masters in Chemical and Mechanical Engineering with a minor in Safety Engineering.

Danny is not taking any calls from Dick, and Tucker is openly menacing the guy for trying by hacking any device he calls Danny on and hijacking control of it to display “you fucked up, you do not get to contact this person anymore” messages, often loaded with cursed memes.

Sam has blocked Dick on all Danny’s accounts, and anyone affiliated with him. She takes to using magic to do the magical equivalent of a restraining order… and Dick only realizes this when he is physically incapable of visiting Wally in Central.

Ellie has linked her and Danny’s socials. She is often taking pics of them together with little digs (as she doubts Dick doesn’t have backups stalking her father) with comments like ‘glad dad dropped his ex! He thought he was acting like my other dad who made me against his will, and killed all my brothers too! Current dad is best dad, but i deeply question his choice in men.’ With shots of them doing mundane things, and her dad visibly getting progressively better.

Her comments are littered with questions, and she answers most of them—especially about what her dad’s ex did to him treatment-wise, and how their meta-gene does make them a lot more emotionally involved in relationships… and her dad was lucky for his heart strings to not have all snapped in the process :))) and vents a lot about everyone trying to keep ‘the asshole draining her dad’ almost shattering his sanity before he could win custody of her after she stabilized.

Dick is Not having a Good Time.

Jazz is finishing her Doctorate, has a recovering baby brother (legit being stabilized and healed via proximity), and her menace of niece.

Val and Wes, if included, are working in Central too. Wes as a reporter, and I’m not certain on Val unless we have her be an acting diplomat between the Realms and Humans; her being acknowledged as someone that learned the hard way that ghosts work differently and obviously co-parenting Ellie with Danny.

Actually, Danny’s Fright all co-parenting Ellie, and she taunts Dick on social media about their family nights with picks of Val and Danny as ‘the first two people that saw me as Not Other Dad’s Trash, and still argue over who gets me when… q: is parent trapping an option when you are one person?’

Sam is thriving and using her plant power’s to help with local produce, pollen reduction and has danny launch environmentally friendly robot pollution keepers as her preferred present—she suggests the type of pollution to clean up and Danny and Tucker tend to work something out in a few months (including fine tuning) on their own time.

Wes is vibing, routinely dragged into events and tries to remain group photographer. Ellie and Sam fight him for the role often.

Dick is convinced he broke and almost killed Danny (true) and needs to make amends… but is not allowed to in any way.

IF WE GO WITH STAR CITY

Then we can have Danny and Ellie going to a Parent Teacher conference and have Danny meet Roy and Lian there. (Given Oliver got better in comics, I like the idea of Roy moving back into the city, but not continuing with being a hero as frequently as he used to because he has Lian to think of and does not want her making his mistakes or dealing with watching fellow sidekicks and heroes die.)

Lian and Ellie are convinced their dads have bad taste in partners, and decide to set them up. Tucker, Sam and him, possibly with other Amity Parkers, moved to Starr due to Major Ollie’s socialist tendencies, being a tech hub, and the lack of pushback around civilians curb stomping someone assaulting them or someone else.

Danny does have a lot of his fright-mates and old classmates around, and Roy is just as much a mechanic and techie as Danny. They get along well, possibly too well, and tend to run design ideas by the other.

Danny and Jazz likely own part of Fenton Works, with their parents letting them know about their respective shares given their previous contributions—Danny’s is larger as they know Danny is why the portal worked and feel guilty about it and not stopping Vlad sooner.

Danny is given money from Vlad as child support, and Vlad owes Jazz money for the nanites thing due to the fact he did PERMANENTLY put robots in her that can be used to hijack her body.

Important part is Danny and Roy are close, and Lian and Ellie tend to talk about their lives a lot on their alt accounts… and ask for tips on getting their dads together as ‘both are bi, i want a sister, they share a lot of interests and i want another dad that can match mine’s energy’ ect.,

This is fine until Jason finds Lian’s acct by accident and sees Roy laughing with Danny… the same Danny who left Dick for checking out on the relationship and was gaslit by Dick into thinking he was crazy for connecting Dick Grayson to Nightwing and… shit.

Dick finds out Roy is Real CloseTM with Danny, and finds out Danny is part of a former child hero support group online.

If he did not feel shitty before, its A Lot worse now. His ex was worried for him, correctly got he was a vigilante and not checked out of the relationship, only for him to lie to him, make him question reality and… what do you mean he had a daughter made my a nemesis he’d been helping stabilize? He—he was going to tell him about it after they made it a year stabilized and their anniversary was a few weeks before that. Shit.

Bonus if we keep this support group having a subgroup of Teen/single Parent Problems group chat.

If Dick gets persistent in trying to win back Danny? Danny is not having it. He broke boundaries, he acted like a Fruitloop (derogatory) and was becoming everything he hated when he was with Dick. For both their safety, Danny turns Dick down hard.

His core screams at him for it, but it needed to be done.

He talks about it in the Single Parent Group Chat, mentioning that his ex came back and flared the core-cracking he had going on, and his worry that this could result in him falling into obsession madness like his nemesis had after seeing his mom (1) time twenty years after he’d last seen her.

Dealer’s choice of who steps in (part of me deeply wants Danny and co to have the retired YJ girls run up to star—Cissie as she had to put down heroing and gets fearing becoming your worst self, Greta as ghostly solidarity and Bad Exs problems, and Anita as that feels in character for her, and she’d be the one to tell the other two to help Danny ASAP as a member of the Former Hero, Single Parent GC).

End result either way is Dick getting a dressing down by Danny’s large support network. Bonus if Roy and Danny do decide to give dating a shot when Danny is in a way better headspace later, and Jason is Roy’s best man for the wedding, while Tucker and Sam share that honor for Danny.

Also the idea of Anita being able to get back into heroing once her parents are older becuase Danny’s response is ‘do you need a sitter? I can have like, fifteen separate ghosts here to help if you want’ and Anita taking him up on it give me happy wiggles.

Danny Fenton was tired. He was also annoyed, just a little bit angry and disappointed, but mainly he was tired.

Tired of the excuses, of the missed dates, of the nights he waited for Dick to come home only for him to show up in the morning with a sheepish smile and an excuse.

He tried to be understanding, he tried to ignore the instincts that screamed that Dick was leaving him, that he was finally getting tired of him and had found someone else.

The problem was that ghosts were beings of emotion. They loved with all their core, they also hated with the same passion, but Danny ignored that. If their partner was not as dedicated, the ghost suffered, their core tried to reach out, form and maintain the bond all alone. Some ghosts even ended up with cracked or shattered cores because they fell for the wrong person.

Danny foolishly thought he would be spared this, he was still half human after all. He was forced to let go of that illusion today. This evening was his and Dick's anniversary dinner. They had planned this months in advance and Dick never even showed up.

Danny felt his core crack on the way home. Not a big break, just a little barely noticeable nick, but given time it could grow deeper and shatter him. So Danny made the decision and packed his things, left a note letting Dick know and left.

[impossible-rat-babies]

37, 40, 41, 44 for pollux/ortega? 🧡

37. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?

ortega, sadly 😔✌️ it happens a lot bc as much as pollux prefers the cold, he does get cold easily. but it’s always funny (affectionate) watching pollux wear a jacket meant for a man a foot taller than him.

40. Who is the most affectionate?

I think they’re pretty equal, but just have different ways of expressing that affection. Ortega is much more physically affectionate where pollux is more does things or will say things in his own way to express his affection. Later on he does get more physically affectionate in response since he’s more comfortable than he was in the past expressing that.

41. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?

Ortega is the big spoon and pollux is the little spoon ;—; but they more often sleep face to face, with pollux either burying his face next to Ortega’s neck, or Ortega will end up with his face squished in Pollux’s stomach while his arms are wrapping around his hips and touching the butt lol

44. What are their nicknames for each other?

pollux calls ortega: ric, or lover boy!

ortega calls pollux: lux, or just his first name. for a hot second he tried using bixby as a sort of payback for ortega, but the nickname never stuck.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 22 “Road Rip” [Episode List] Dave is stuck out of town after a big storm damaged the railways in the area, resulting to all trains getting cancelled. Tim’s lazy saturday night gets therefore turned upside-down as he is forced to take the car for a two-hours trip to get his friend back home.

Want to feel like Tim? Click on the links in the story to hear the power of Dave's farts! The audio for the farts was kindly provided by the skilled farter TheFartingWolf, so make sure to follow him on Twitter on his main account and his backup one!

POV: Tim

Road Rip

Saturday afternoons are the laziest moments of the week for me.  Or, at least that's what they used to be.

Now that I live alone (well, with a roommate) I take advantage of this otherwise unproductive time to get some random shit done, chores, everything house-related.

I got the kitchen cleaned up for example, then went to the grocery store ‘cause we were short on everything. Luckily, for the last few days I could easily run on fumes because I’ve been alone, since Dave had to attend to some kind of convention out of town, work stuff. He occasionally kept us posted in the group chat, as apparently he, his boss and their co-workers spent most of the time drinking and some of them got badly drunk in an attempt to impress their superiors, leading to some unprofessional behaviour, and thus hilarious for us. In private, Dave also reported to me the presence of a very hot gay guy, but since he’s working in a rival company, my bro told me that he wouldn’t actually approve of our relationship.

That voice message? That’s exactly what you think it is.

And no, I won’t kill him, I’m just baffled by how chill he is.

Even when he’s not around, Dave would still blast me using modern technologies, and that voice message was his ass speaking, not him, one of his usual, loud, 10+ seconds farts. 

On one hand, I treasure Dave being ridiculously open minded. On the other, more than once I almost listened to those in public, thinking they were actual messages, important stuff, instead of my bro making fun of me.

However, I can’t really complain much since as annoying as he can be, I know I’m very lucky.

He kept sending us messages and updates, the usual stuff, memes and shit, while I kept doing my own shit around the house, until at around 6:30 PM, when Dave sent a peculiar voice message.

It was in the group chat this time, so I know that couldn’t be a fart… maybe.

“Hey guys” it sounded like he was in a crowded place, which it made sense given it was a convention. “so I assume you noticed the storm this morning. Well that bitch hit us hard. I mean we’re all fine but the railways suffered some heavy damage and all trains have been cancelled.” 

He stopped a few second to exchange some words with -I think- a co-worker and then resumed talking to us. 

“I’m pretty much stuck here so… help? I know it’s a two-hour trip by car but I can repay y’all with sex. Raw, unhinged sex. I can be the lover of your dreams.” 

Wouldn’t be Dave without jokes like these. And needless to say, we’re all men in our group chat.

“But seriously guys, let me know, and fast.”

Admittedly it was a time-consuming favour but while he may act all silly around us, Dave is pretty smart and organized, so I automatically assumed he tried out every available options before asking us.

After a couple of messages making fun of him, saying how he was gonna die there etc., the group™ started to think of a solution. Unsuccessfully, I might add. 

Two of our buds were too out of town, spending the weekend with their girlfriends.

Adam’s car was in the shop to fix the engine and if he was lucky he was gonna get it back on Monday.

Greg was useless as usual.

So that only leaves… me.

“Alright, I’ll do it.” I simply typed in the group chat.

Everyone reacted to the message with a thumbs up and made comments about how many stops me and Dave were gonna have on our way back to fuck each other in every motel. 

“Bold of you to assume we need to stop the car to fuck.” Dave played along. “We’re professionals.”

My bro-roommate then thanked me in private.

I turned on the radio to keep me company and just drove. It wasn’t a complicated trip by any means, most of it was a boring and uneventful straight highway. There was no traffic despite the cancelled trains, and it honestly was a surprisingly relaxing trip. The biggest risk (not that I thought there were gonna be any) was me falling asleep for how dull all of that was however (thankfully, the radio helped). 

I managed to keep Dave (and my other buds) posted on my location, so he knew when to get ready. We decided (or rather he forced me) I was gonna leave the car in the parking lot next to the convention center and then have a quick dinner together in a fast food located in the building, so I could also rest for a bit; he actually asked me if I wanted him to drive on our way back, but I didn’t feel tired (at worst, we’d take turns). 

Surprisingly enough, I got there in time, after around 2 hours as expected (9:00 PM or so). I parked where my friend told me to and then went looking for him in the building’s main (and big) hall. There were still some people around, some of them working on their laptops, chatting, casually having a beer. I assume most of them were in Dave’s situation but chose to remain there for the night.

“Right here, babe!” 

I saw Dave waving at me. He was sitting on a couch near the hall’s coffee shop, with an empty beer bottle in one hand and his laptop on his legs. He looked visibly exhausted by the last few days but still cracked a silly smile when he saw me. He was wearing a white shirt and some grey jeans.

We bro-fisted because we’re manly mature men and he promptly got up to give me a quick hug.

“You’re awesome, I’m gonna let you choke on my dick back home.” he told me as his arms wrapped around my shoulder.

He was joking. Seriously. That’s how we always joke around, regardless of anyone’s sexuality. Dave then reached for his laptop and put it in his backpack: he just wanted to leave that damn place.

“Let’s get something to eat, it’s on me.”

“Come on you don’t-“

“Shut your mouth and follow me.”

We kept chatting as we walked towards this small fast food, also located in the main hall (as I said, it was a big place). If you ignore the alcohol involved, it was a prolific weekend for him and he was happy he was getting a raise starting next week. 

“Maybe you can finally move in with Dana.” I suggested.

“Nope, you won’t get rid of me so easily.” he joked. 

We sat at a table for two and quickly ordered some food using some kind of app that Dave made me install. Mere minutes laters, our meal arrived: I asked for a tasty cheeseburger while Dave went for the double one.

“Tsk, puny as usual.” he said, as he compared how relatively small my burger was.

“Remember who humiliated you at the hot dog-eating contest last year.” I flexed.

“Wow my gay friend is really good at eating sausages? Up next: the sky is blue.”

We both had a laugh. “Why so bitchy all of the sudden? You never complained about my sausage-eating skills before.”

Our very mature and not-at-all double entendre-filled conversation went on for a couple of more minutes, ignoring anyone overhearing us, though I’m pretty sure no one cared.

“But yes.” Dave then said. “We’re thinking of moving together within next year.” he then took a big bite of his burger. “No worries tho, I’m not going anywhere for now.” he continued, almost choking on his own food, and winked at me.

“Just say when!” I remarked, referring to when I needed to move out (in case Dana was the one moving in).

We both knew it had to happen eventually, and we were both super chill about it obviously. I was already looking for a place on my own lately anyway, so it’s not the end of the world.

After finishing our burgers, we both kept talking about the last few days while finishing our beers. Well, Dave was: I ordered a coke, since I was the one driving. My bro then got up and paid, as he promised.

“Gas too is on me by the way.” he said, as we walked towards the exit.

“Dude no you already paid for our dinner, you don’t nee-“

“Shut up. You drive, I pay.”

I chose not to insist and I simply appreciated the gesture.

We got to the car after a couple of minutes of walking; Dave put his backpack into the trunk as I occupied the driving seat, with my friend promptly sitting next to me on the passenger one.

“Alright it’s 10:00 PM… the trip will take around 2 hours… so we should be at home around Midnight.”

Dave looked at me unimpressed. “Yes, because 10+2 equals 12, is that correct?”

“Yes, sorry your brain can’t handle such advanced math.”

The sarcastic banter was interrupted by… well, I don’t even need to say it. It was interrupted by Dave ripping one, a quick, 2 seconds-long blast, partially muffled by the seat.

“…really? Already?” I asked, unimpressed, and he replied with another short blast, or the second part of the previous one which, knowing him, he probably interrupted on purpose just to cut me off with was left of it.

He dropped the serious facade and smiled. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Good idea. I started the car and we got moving.

“When back there you told me that gas was on you…” I said, as I drove out of the parking lot. “I thought you were talking about the car.” I joked, mustering all the courage I had to do it.

He really likes messing with me.

My friend laughed. “We’ll see.” he simply answered. “Either way, you’re getting free gas.” he winked at me and turned the radio on, completely chill as usual about how weird I was.

Here it goes, my heart racing fast, still unable to get used to my bro being this ok with my kink, so much so that we can casually joke about it like we just did. 

“J-just don’t hotbox the car.” I tried to be as smooth as possible, but I’m pretty sure my voice cracked.

“Not making any promises.” he said, while tuning the radio.

I kept driving, focusing on the highway in front of us as the music kept us company. Dave was visibly tired so I let him rest for a while; he wasn’t asleep but I could tell he was exhausted. I mean I could easily scare the shit out of him by swerving the car like a madman all of the sudden, but I chose not to, because I’m indeed the hero he doesn’t deserve.

For the first hour, just like on the way up, the return trip was dull and uneventful, but oddly relaxing.

“How’s the gas?” Dave asked.

“Yours or the car’s?” I replied, knowing that I could step on a mine by saying that.

My friend laughed at the lame joke, making me question whether we’re both actually really really dumb.

“But I’m good, thanks. Got lots of gas to spare.”

And I just stepped on the land mine, as expected.

“What a coincidence.” I could sense his smirk. “Me too!”.

Dave adjusted his position a bit and spread his long, denim legs. He reached for the radio to lower the volume, so I could only have ears for what he was about to unleash.

“Y-you don’t have to, man.” I tried to say, sincerely.

But Dave just cackled. “jUsT sAy WhEn!” he replied, doing a very offensive impression of what I said earlier, voice cracking and all.

My friend knows how the kink works but can’t help to find me hilarious and I can’t do anything to stop him. This is my hell… and heaven, at the same time. 

He still wasn’t farting, oddly enough, so I dared to look at him, only to find him staring back at me. It was night and the car was dark, but the lights from other vehicles revealed, unsurprisingly, a silly yet reassuring smile draw on his face.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you have nothing to worry about with me?”

My heart was racing faster than the cars around us. I’d be ironically more able to have a discussion with someone not being ok with my kink rather than this.

Dave always leaves me speechless.

“Look, just listen what I’m gonna tell you, ok?” he stated.

I believed him. 

I believed him like a fool. 

I truly believed he was gonna make some kind of deep speech to reassure me (not that he didn’t the in the past, more than once). A fool, that’s what I am, and in fact my ears got destroyed by a voice, yes, but a loud, roaring voice coming out of his ass.

What was both hot and hilarious to me was that Dave kept staring at me with a serious expression, as if that loud gas was indeed an important speech, but halfway through the 14-seconds-long fart he just lost it and smiled like a jerk, without losing control of that enormous blast of gas. The way he controls his rips is downright fascinating to me (but I’m biased): my bro would speak, move, laugh while farting and the blast would never lose any power.

Once he was done, he playfully punched my right shoulder and sat back normally, tightening the seatbelt, but his ass being glued to the seat didn’t stop the stench from engulfing the entire car. It wasn’t terrible… yet, but I did have to lower the car window just to let some fresh air in.

“Was that natural or on command?” I had the guts to ask, but I was genuinely curious, given the sound it had.

Dave looked amused by the surprising question. “Not tellin’, a pro never reveals his secrets.” such a smug answer.

“Well…” damn I’m being brave tonight. “Whatever you do, I tip my hat to how loud your farts get. That’s impressive, r-regardless of my kink.”

What a surreal conversation.

My friend simply laughed in response, probably at me, but I couldn’t really blame him.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” he then said, with a smirk.

I swear I wasn’t requesting anything, he was being a teasing asshole!

–

We kept talking about some other stuff, like our plans for tomorrow, since it was Sunday. The general consensus was “we do absolutely nothing” which, given how tired we were probably gonna be once we got home, it was probably for the best. Dave then resumed talking about his promotion.

“Dude, my boss is a jerk but credit where it’s due: if I get more money, I can finally afford that trip to France with Dana.”

“Yeah, I remember you guys have been talking about it for years.”

“And we still do, so maybe next year we’re finally -WAIT, did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” 

…Why do I always fall for it? 

I didn’t even have time to roll my eyes that Dave once again started ripping one of his huge blasts. He leaned just a bit to ease the fart out, effortlessly hotboxing the entire car, as I kindly told him not to. Then again, he did say he wasn’t making any promises, so I guess I walked right into that one.

The fart was long, loud and proud, easily silencing the music coming from the radio. It kept going strong as I listened in awe, my boner almost piercing a hole through my pants and touching the steering wheel, a boner my friend probably noticed because he winked at me (he winks pretty often lately, huh?), with a smirk, while still farting loudly and manly.

12 seconds, basically the average length of Dave’s rips.

I wanted to say something smooth and sarcastic to not look like the mess I am, but my friend simply resumed talking about his potential trip with Dana as if nothing happened, which I didn’t mind to be honest. What I did mind, like the hypocrite I am, was the smell poisoning my lungs. Despite the open windows, my nostrils were burning, while my friend was basically immune to it.

Now it was getting bad, the scent of Dave’s double cheeseburger, but rotten, lingering for minutes after the fart was done being ripped.

“I think I’m done with cheeseburgers for a while.” I commented out of nowhere.

Dave laughed, knowing exactly what i was referring to. He was actually proud of how nasty his rips were, the immature bastard.

I managed to focus on driving however, keeping an eye on the road and other passing cars, while still casually chatting with my bro, the insisting stench being a constant reminder of his farting skills even when his ass was being silent.

But I know Dave: he wasn’t done.

Around 30 minutes later, the radio played a song of a band we really like.

“I believe they’re having a concert in Boston in a few months.” Dave said.

“We gotta book some tickets if there’s still time.”

“I doubt it but it’s worth a shot.”

“I gotta hear that solo, bro.”

I feel like my life is just a series of fart cues for my gassy friend at this point.

“Right, but you gotta settle for this solo until then.” he stated, and I knew where this was going.

He again spread his legs wide and started farting, predictably, the blast being just as powerful as the others. How he manages to do it is beyond me, whether it’s natural or on command. The guy’s got talent and I wish I could be unbiased about it: he’s that good. I could swear that the warm gas cloud he produced almost fogged up the car windows, and the stench got even worse, nauseating, so much so I could taste it, which wasn’t a good news at all for my stomach, busy trying to digest my own cheeseburger.

Around 13 seconds later, Dave again adjusted his position on the seat and the fart went silent.

“Dude, no offense.” he turned to me. “But how you manage to survive whenever I fart in your face is a mystery to me.” he admitted, visibly disgusted, but still smiling and amused nonetheless.

The fact that he said that as if it was the most normal sentence in the world almost made me swerve the car.

“Like, was it last month?” he recalled. “We were on the couch and I used my legs to get you head-locked right up my ass ahah and then farted for like 30 seconds.” he couldn’t help but laugh at that memory, while still being disgusted.

I couldn’t blame him: this kink is gross, but I was grateful he also found it disgustingly amusing.

I can however blame him for my massive, damp boner instead: hearing Dave just casually recall our previous fart sessions was something I never expected to happen. What’s next? A clip-show episode?

And yes, I do remember the head-lock thing. I didn’t even ask for it but he just went for the fart-kill. I never ask for it, in fact: Dave walks the thin line between teasing me and straight-up bullying me with farts at this point, fully knowing how much I enjoy it...

I remained silent, hoping that we’d change the subject, even though the raunchy smell in the car kept reminding me of my bro’s powerful flatulences. His gas is like weed to me, when it comes to side effects, ‘cause I didn’t realize how much time passed; turns out we were like 30 minutes from home now: we did all the trip in one sitting, no pit stops or anything, just like daddy Tim likes it (please forget I called myself like that).

“Well Tim, you did it. You drove us home safe and sound, against all odds.” he mocked me.

“The odds being? You trying to poison me?” I dared to say.

That smirk, his signature smirk once again appeared on his face.

“Bro if I wanted to poison you, trust me, you’d have died miles ago.”

“Oh you trust me, my nostrils are burning.” I admitted.

My friend adjusted his position on the seat one more time in response.

“Just be glad you’re not getting this in your face.” he tried to be serious, threatening, but he just laughed in the end.

I tried to ignore what he just said, which I could easily do given what immediately followed: a loud, manly fart, already the loudest of the bunch. He’s done holding back: he was saving the best for last. The sheer power of the blast quickly renewed the horrid stench tarnishing the car; I felt soaked in my friend’s gas and I knew I had to take a long shower once I got home.

I should be glad this wasn’t in my face, he told me, and while I did want to get that blast up close and personal like we usually do... judging by the loudness, the power, the stench… maybe I should indeed be thankful. 

Dave farted in my face many times by now, and trust me when I say that I endured some of the longest, loudest, baddest farts you can imagine. So when even I tell you that yes, maybe this one blast should be admired from a safer distance, you know things are getting way too hardcore. This latest fart sounded similar to the others, but I could also sense it was raunchier, deeper, dangerous. It wasn’t wet or anything, but it was pure, raw manly power.

Just like my bro wondered how can I survive his farts, I wondered the same about his jeans, how the fuck his farts do not manage to tear a huge hole through of them. Those lucky, lucky jeans.

The fart kept going, so loud that I couldn’t even hear the radio, and while he wasn’t ripped in my face, it could very well have been: I felt the car shake due to its power and through the gas all round me I could taste the twisted, rotten version of the double cheeseburger Dave had not even 2 hours earlier.

Eventually, even this fart had to end, Dave leaning a bit so he could rip the loud last few seconds towards me, clocking at almost 30 seconds in total. An incredible display of talent, further proof that he’s the fart master.

After a few moments of awkward silence, in spite of my boner sucking all the blood from my brain, I managed to be brave enough to speak, ignoring my friend’s smirk.

“I could’ve handle it.” I stated, lowkey suggesting that next time he had a fart like this brewing, he shouldn’t worry about directly blasting my face.

Maybe not while I'm driving, obviously.

“You’re disgusting bro.” he said, without losing his smirk, then called for a brofist. “Respect.”

Disgusted, but amused, he did find impressive that I’m indeed able to endure his incredible blasts. As usual, as annoying as he can be, and as gross as I can be, I couldn’t ask for a better bro.

Finally, about 20 minutes later, in the dark of the night, I parked the car on our front-yard, by the garage.

Both me and Dave left the car gasping for some clean air. Opening the doors of my vehicle felt more like opening a tuna can, with all the smell trapped inside leaving the tiny space it was trapped into all at once: I could still smell my friend’s farts while walking towards our front door, a sign that my hair and clothes were soaked deep into his gas. Even Dave's backpack left a trail of gas.

As we finally stepped into our living room, we felt free, as if we successfully finished a very dangerous quest. My tired bro-roommate patted my shoulder and walked upstairs like a zombie, ready to collapse on his bed and sleep until the end of time probably.

“Thanks for everything, Tim. Told ya the gas was on me.” he simply said, half-asleep already.

Teasing aside, I decided to not destroy him with one of my snarky comebacks and let him go this time, since I had another urgency to take care of. It’s a miracle I managed to resist for the entire trip in those conditions!

I waited for my friend to disappear into his room before rushing into the bathroom, so I could properly get rid of my damp boner. I barely needed to touch my penis, all it took was my fingers tickling it; my dick promptly exploded, the power of Dave’s farts and attitude being impossibly hot for me.

I took a deep breath as I came and I could still feel bits of that stench deep down my nostrils, which made me wonder if I myself reeked of farts and rotten cheese.

…yeah, I’m definitely avoiding cheeseburgers for a while.

Road trips, however, I’m all for it, as long as Dave provides all the gas we need.

End of Episode 22

[stxleslyds]

Jason doesn't show up in DC's animated series (though the does "spiritually" show up as Tim Drake in Season 2 of Batman the Animated Series).

Jason has a strong presence in the video games, though. So what is your opinion on Jason's characterization for Arkham Knight? He is a DLC for the Injustice games as well. Judy be warned that I did watch some clips of Arkham Knight and the torture was too gruesome for me.

RED HOOD IN VIDEO GAMES.

Hey there friend, thank you for the ask!

INJUSTICE 2.

I had to do some research on Red Hood’s appearances in the Injustice games because I was never really in touch with that story. Here is what I knew about it, there are two games for PC, one of them is Injustice and the other is Injustice 2, the games also have the comic books that give context/background to the lore of the game.

I used to play Injustice: Gods Among Us on mobile phone, and I had Jason as a playable character there, I also found out way too late that “Nightwing” wasn’t really Dick Grayson, it was Damian because he took on the mantle after he and the rock killed Dick in the comic (forever mad at that ridiculous death and the kinda scary art that comic had).

I looked for information about Red Hood’s backstory in wikis and all that because I refuse to read an alternate universe book written by Tom Taylor, there are things that I am just not willing to do.

All in all, I think that this Jason was in surface level, the same as his canon comic counterpart up until the time of his resurrection. Given that the world was at war and the League of Assassins wasn’t working openly, he and the others had to live in the shadows, he seems to have been trained proficiently by both Batman and the LoA so he is a very hardcore opponent. There are some bits of his story with Damian and a place called Gorilla City that I do not understand because I haven’t read the comics but I am fine without it.

The thing is that this Jason is pretty cool, he sticks to his morals and fights for what he believes is right, he doesn’t look like the kinda guy that takes sides in this war which is probably the best idea. Both Batman and Superman seem to be on the wrong side of history with they ideals.

What I did see and I loved eternally was the ending to Red Hood’s story, I will link the video here! But I will also copy and paste all that he says there because I think it’s really important and where I was able to see more of his characterization.

"That. Felt. Good. Titanium composite hollow point bullets with a C4 kicker. Fastest, most explosive ammo in the world. I made them myself. With the invasion over, Bruce and Superman started fighting again. I wasn't down with either of them. On the one hand, the Regime's right. Scumbag murderers and rapists deserve to die. But on the other hand, I'm no fan of government authority. Especially the dictatorial variety.

So, while the world's finest fight each other, I fight for the people. The weak. The innocent. Anyone who can't protect themselves. When they cry out for a saviour, I'll answer. As for the criminals that threaten them? They need to know that their actions have consequences. That the Red Hood is coming for them.”

This is excellent, I absolutely love this, this Jason knows his morals and doesn’t bow down to anyone and in the end, he is truly a hero to the people that need heroes the most.

Him saying that he believes that some criminals have to die but that he can’t really join Superman’s side because he cannot associate with it because he isn’t a fan of dictatorial ideas, I love this man.

I feel like this is a fair characterization for Jason, I believe that if something along the lines of what happens in Injustice happens in current continuity then Jason wouldn’t join any sides, he wouldn’t be neutral per se but he will fight for his own ideals. And his ideals in most universes are protecting people and I think that’s great. I love to see a world where Jason is seen as more intelligent and put together than the Batman.

Something that I find quite funny and interesting from this game is the dialogues that characters have with each other when they fight, I found this video compilation where you can see all the dialogues between Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne), they are so fun and I love the animations too.

BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT.

Oh, ArkhamVerse Jason, my beloved.

He is, to me, the epitome of this meme.

I have actually watched the whole game playthrough, several times, and Jason had a DLC as the Red Hood for that game (Nightwing has one too and I will talk about it later because I love this version of him). And, yes, the torture scene is very gruesome, it was incredibly sad and it made me feel bad. But I also think that they made it that way so it could support the kind of storytelling they were going for.

The reality is that this Jason suffered his whole life, and was constantly introduced to lifestyles that he never wanted to be part of. The world around this Jason wasn’t kind at all to him and there is a long list of people who did him wrong.

Although ArkhamVerse Jason didn’t die, like his comic counterpart did, he suffered the most. And his suffering really drove him to be the best version of an unhinged Jason Todd. But it’s clear, his brutality and murder intent isn’t laced with his Red Hood persona or at least not on the same level as it is with his Arkham Knight persona.

This Jason’s characterization works to perfection, but it only works that way because he was well developed within the game lore and the comics. This Jason was extremely well trained, he is probably the smartest version of Jason, his mind and his level of preparedness are unparalleled when it comes to other Jason Todd variants (a little MCU Loki talk right there).

I would go as far as to say that this Jason would be an excellent match to peak Dick Grayson from before New 52 in comics. Those two would clash so immensely, but man, it would be one hell of an intellectual and physical fight. Two Kings doing what they do best.

Anyway, for now take my word for how well characterized Jason is in the ArkhamVerse, I will make a post were I deep dive more on his character both in game and comics. There is so much to say about him, he is truly interesting and very complex.

Now, I will be a little cheeky and I will use this ask as an opportunity to talk about my man, ArkhamVerse Nightwing aka Pretty Boy.

I love him so much! In the game when you get to meet him (I will link the video here! it’s five minutes long, and worth the watch) you get to see both Nightwing’s and Dick’s personalities. Nightwing is fun and relaxed, he is a little bit cocky and doesn’t let Batman be a pain in his ass, he is truly a beast. Although he is never seen without the mask in a moment when he is alone with Bruce you can really see Dick’s personality shine through. He obviously has had issues with Bruce in the past but there is also this palpable respect coming from both of them to the other. Bruce wants to protect Dick but he acts like a jerk instead of telling him what is on his mind. Dick wants to help Bruce at all costs, he refuses to leave Gotham until they solve something that he was already working on before Bruce needed his help.

There is also this sort of goodbye scene between the two (I will link it here!) that is extremely sad because Dick doesn’t believe Bruce when he tells him that he is proud of him. Dick cuts him off just when Bruce was trying to open up and I think that scene speaks volumes about how rough their relationship was. Dick never finds out that Bruce was “dying” after being infected with the Joker’s blood/gas, so it’s very bittersweet.

There is also the Nightwing DLC, where we get to see Dick being the best of the best, he is so skilled and funny and smart. It is amazing how much this game made me love their Nightwing even though he doesn’t appear much, his dynamic with Penguin is just perfect, Dick literally makes Penguin’s life very difficult. All of the people working with Penguin kinda fear Dick a little bit, some of them are even impressed by his skills.

Oh and, when Nightwing gets captured at some point in the game, Penguin’s men are saying something along the lines of “I was sure Batman will come in” “how come?” “what’s tied up downstairs and getting the crap beat out of it?” “Oh yeah, Nightwing” and that is so true, if I were Batman, I will also risk my life for Nightwing.

I just love Nightwing, he makes me so happy! He is the best here!

Anyway, enough of me loving Nightwing uncontrollably, I will make a separate post where I only talk about ArkhamVerse Jason so, yeah, be ready for that one because I love that Jason too, he is hot.

[dragon-pups]

 Masterlist

AO3 Link

Greeting

Commission Rules

Observations

Bad Batch Episode 1

Pre-Episode 9 thoughts 

How Long the Bad Batch has been Active?

Hunter and Omega art Theory

Bad Batch Episode 5: Muchi!!!

OMEGA IS NOT A MARY SUE

CROSSHAIRS BLASTER BOLTS CHANGED DURING THE FIRST EPISODE

Pre-Episode 16 Theories (fucking cryptic tweet)

Episode 15 Number of Nala Se’s Experimental Clones

Crosshair’s Chip Theory 

Omega’s Age? Maybe...

Tech’s Name Origin

Bad Batch Behavior Dissection: Infighting

Bad Batch

Writing

Freedom

Water on Tile

Breathe, Please..

Clear Water

Happy Endings?

Training Ground

Stuck Below

What I’ve Done

Fighting the Trigger

Never Again

HC

Drunk Crosshair

Feral Tech

Omega’s Creation

Bad Batch Sexuality

S’mores

First Zoo Trip

Cat or Dog Person

Favorite Desserts 

Favorite Hot Dog Toppings

Favorite Disney Rides/Attractions

Drunk Hunter

Drunk Tech

Drunk Echo

Uncle Crosshair and Omega

Drunk Wrecker

Lego Night

X-Men Universe

Comfort Foods

Favorite Movie Genres

Sleeping Positions 

Hunter the Himbo

Polls

Whose the most chaotic?

Incorrect Quotes

After Crosshair’s chip is removed

Art

Bad Batch as Dragons

Sniper in a Sundress

Hacker in a High-Low

Tracker in a Tango

Specialist in a Slit-skirt

Brawler in a Bustier

Family Photo

Bedtime Routines 

Tech the Workin’ Man

Emo Cross

Stargazing

Alternative Ending

Can We Keep Them?

Undercut Crosshair

Wrecker Leia Slave Outfit

Dragon Batch Redraw: Crosshair

Dragon Batch Redraw: Wrecker

LOTR Crossover Verse

Art

Jesse

Arda Marauders (Collection/Possible book series)

Writing

TBD (currently rough blocking phase)

Art

Echo

Hunter

Wrecker

Tech

Crosshair

Omega

Batcher

Squad + Premise

Ringwae (Tech’s Dragon)

Hunter and Havoc

Echo and Blaze

Omega and Sunshine

Crosshair, Mayday and Batcher

Clone Wars

Writing

Go the Kark to Sleep

HC

Soup and Toast Clone

Art

Cadet-napping

Bad Batch and Clone wars Randomness  

Gingerbread Men

Teaching Kids to Curse

Types of people during class photos

Notices their friends shoe is untied

What they do in Among Us

I’d Die for You

Can I copy your homework?

Jock, Nerd, Goth, Prep

Abandoned House Ghost Hunt

“I’m Too Hot“

When a bag gets stuck in a vending machine 

When crying you...

Be Gay Do Crimes

Chart of Anger

How they sneeze

How they eat oreos

Unable to find their pajama pants

Hugs

“Guys my mom’s calling...“

A child starts crying in public

Looks Like VS Actually Like (Leaders Edition)

Vibes and Crimes

Meme Alignment

Clone Wars/Bad Batch OCs

The 784th

How they came about and Asks

Ask answers

66 and 144

482

Writing

Homecoming ARC Style

The Eyes

Finally Home

Bolt Squad

Battlefield Vow

The Shovel Talk

WIP

Old Sassy Bounty-Hunter

Art

Chaos Squad Fluff

Poor Melody

Star Wars Movies Randomness

What gives people feelings of power

Commission Work Examples

Character Design Example Works

Outfit Layers 

Character Example Works

Avalon 

Gizmo

Character Bust Example Works

Khos’a Grunt

Fives and Ghost

Last updated 10/09/24

[violett-writes]

Monotone Donations

"Are you and Dream dating?" Your monotone slightly British text to talk reads off the $10 donation from alexiscarter3215.

You laugh, blushing slightly at the question as you continue to build your trusty restaurant on the Dream SMP server. You and Dream have been friends for about a year now. You had built a small friendship with George when he introduced the two of you, claiming you to be the 'woman version of Dream'. And it's just skyrocketed from there. You were introduced to Sapnap, who complained at being the last one introduced in the Dream Team. Then Tommy, Tubbo, Wilbur, Niki, and so many more people. It made your head spin, honestly. You jumped from being a semi-small streamer to having a solid fanbase.

"Thank you for the dono, alexiscarter3215." You smile at your facecam, holding up a little heart. The chat goes wild, whizzing past too fast to read but you're sure they're upset that you didn't answer their question.

You had to think about it for a second. You two sure acted like you were dating. Between the constant guest appearances on each other's streams, the twitter flirting, and the Minecraft beds next to each other on his server, you could see why others would be confused. But you weren't dating. You mean, you two did facetime every night and he did know all your secrets. But you don't even know what he looks like yet and....

Shit. You have a fat crush on Dream. The realization that you finally admitted it to yourself making you pause slightly before your phone buzzes, a notification from Twitter. You spot Dream's username and pause your game. "Let's find out what Dream tweeted folks." You tell your stream, planning on ending it soon anyways so this was the perfect segway to wrapping it up. You're thankful for the distraction as you weren't even sure what you were going to say next.

!TWITTER!

Dream @.Dream

proud to say i haven't lost no simp september 😤👏🏻 but can't say the same for @.nightmare

You read it aloud, blush covering your face and you thank your shitty camera quality for once. Hopefully your small face cam in the corner of the screen was too tiny for your viewers to see the pink tint to your cheeks.

"What do you think I should reply, guys?" You ask your stream, leaning in to see the chat. Most of the suggestions were either to profess your love for him or were to meme him. You chose the later, as you weren't 100% sure if he liked you back.

"Okay, okay, we'll meme him." Your fingers expertly move across the screen before you press tweet. "Go blow it up guys." You set your phone down and make your facecam the only thing viewers can see on the stream.

"That'll be the end of my stream for today! Thank you all for joining and remember, don't you dare lose no simp september to block men!" You wave goodbye to your viewers, raiding Sapnap quickly before leaning back in your chair, sighing loudly. You hear another ding from your phone.

Dream @.Dream

proud to say i haven't lost no simp september 😤👏🏻 but can't say the same for @.nightmare

Night @.nightmare

no ❤️

Dream @.Dream

:(

You giggle at his tweet, liking it as a text from him quickly follows.

dweam

how dare you not simp for me?

night

I should say the same to you Big D

You giggle, stealing Tommy's nickname from him. You watched enough of Tommy to remember all the different names he has used for Dream.

dweam

okay, pls lose my number

night K.

You giggle, biting your nails slightly as you wait for his reply. Instead of a text, you get an incoming facetime from him. You decline his call, choosing to keep the bit going. After a few moments, you get a facetime from Sapnap. You answer it, confused as to why he would be calling you out of the blue.

"Answer Dream." Was all he said before hanging up. You laugh loudly, covering your mouth so as to not wake your housemates before deciding to take the bit to twitter.

!TWITTER!

Night @.nightmare

i hate men. dhmu. only the real ones know.

Dream facetimes you again and you pick up sniffling slightly.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay??? I didn't mean it. I saw your tweet, please... I didn't mean it." He says, concerned as he hides his face from the camera.

You finally break, laughing loudly as you put the camera down so you can hold your stomach, wheezing. "Dream, bud. I was just joking around." You hear him let out a sigh of relief.

"You should come to Florida." He suddenly states, making you choke on the sip of water you were drinking.

"Uh..." You pause for a moment.

"I mean if you're uncomfort-"

"Yes." You cut him off, smiling into the camera brightly. "Yes, I will come to Florida."

The next two weeks were a blur, Dream insisted on paying for your ticket to fly to Florida. And when the boys found out that you were visiting without asking them first, they were super jealous. So jealous, in fact, that they both booked flights that phone call. They were nice enough to give you two days alone with Dream, but only after an awkward amount of silence and a lot of text notifications where you're pretty sure Dream threatened to leave their ass at the airport if they didn't come later. Your knowledge of this only coming from the screenshots George sent you of Dream's threats.

The day of the flight, you were incredibly nervous. You had picked a soft plum colored sweatshirt with simple black leggings and converes. You wanted to dress up a little, but you also knew that you would be uncomfortable the whole flight if you did. Hopefully Dream didn't mind you dressing down for the first in person meeting with him.

night

leaving now for the airport. wish me luck

You send the text and shut your phone off as you enter the uber. A short 30 minute drive later and you're walking through the airport. You smile slightly, airports seem like they exist in a different dimension all together. You don't judge someone having a drink at 9 a.m. at an airport, because well... they're in an airport. You buy a water once you get past security, drinking it nervously as you wait for your flight to be called.

After a 30 minute wait, your flight is finally called. You finally reach your window seat and check your phone.

dweam

i hope u don't die.

night

how kind of u. we're leaving now :))) see u soon!!!!!

You smile and turn off your phone, leaning back and closing your eyes as you drift off.

The kind old lady seated next to you shakes you awake, telling you that you're landing soon. You flush red, not realizing that you slept through the whole flight. You probably looked ridiculous.

Once you land, you quickly pull out your phone and turn it on. You notice that you had 3 unread messages from Dream.

dweam

i'm so kind

but fr i hope u have a safe flight.

text me when u land. i got here a little early... guess i was just too excited

night

we just landed!!!

You blush at the connotation of his text. He was genuinely excited to see you? When everyone was finally able to leave their seats, you grab your overhead luggage and make your way off the plane. You make your way to the baggage claim and watch the bags intently, waiting for your polka dot bag to show itself.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and you turn around, coming face to face with a very tall blonde man.

"Oh- sorry, am in your way?" You mumble, moving over for them to grab their luggage.

"(Y/N)?" He asks you, his voice unsure and hesitant.

Your eyebrows raise in shock and you turn around again, looking at him closely. You cover your mouth in shock, "D-Dream?" You ask for a moment, unsure if this is real.

He nods, laughing and you throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. Tears start to come to your eyes as he hugs you back tightly. You pull back so that you could look up at his face, but still keeping your arms wrapped around him. "Dream!" You sniffle, your voice a little scratchy from holding back the tears.

"(Y/N)! Are you crying?" He asks, laughing. He is so much more attractive than you could have ever imagined. You sniffle, wiping your nose on your sleeve as you hit his chest lightly.

"Don't make fun of me. This is easily the best thing that has happened in my life." You giggle softly, looking back at the conveyer belt to see your bag. You quickly rush to grab it before it disappears on you.

You turn back to Dream, your bag trailing behind you as you pull it along. Dream grabs your carryon much to your complaints.

"I got it, (Y/N), don't worry." He chuckles, his deep voice making butterflies appear in your stomach. As the two of you walk to his car, chatting excitedly about what the plans are for the week, Dream grabs your free hand, linking your fingers together. Blush creeps up your neck as you pretend nothing is different. Once you reach his car, Dream grabs both of your luggage and puts them in the trunk as you get into the passenger side.

"So, I don't know if you rented a hotel room or something..."He trails off, tapping the steering wheel nervously.

Your eyes widen slightly, you didn't know he wanted you to. "Oh! I, uh, I totally forgot. I can book one right now, though. No biggie." You quickly pull out your phone, panicking a little as you search hotels near me.

Dream pushes your phone away, chuckling. "No, no. (Y/N), you don't have to. I didn't mean it like that. I just wasn't sure if you were comfortable staying at my apartment."

You let out a sigh of relief. "Of course I'm fine with that you dork." You punch his arm softly, "I thought for a second you didn't want me there!" You tease him.

Dream feigns being hurt by your punch before gently grabbing your hand again. "Of course I want you there." He mutters softly.

The words set your stomach aflame as your intestines tie themselves into a knot. He wanted you there.

[mcrmadness]

TIME FOR THE DÄ SPECULATIONS (by mcrmadness)

So I told you I would come here to speculate and write down my thoughts and here I am now. Enjoy.

First of all: I feel like these men have been diving into nostalgia here. Already the way they named the tour, “In the Ä tonight”. Some time after that I happened to read some sort of an interview article and apparently the song that was playing when Bela and Farin met was called “In the air tonight” (personally I know nothing about the song, I don’t even know how it sounds like.) which made me feel like... okay they’ve done it again, they’re getting sentimental over their past?

Then comes this single and its cover is the same as what was the cover of their only EP for Soilent Grün. I feel like I’m connecting some dots here but at the same time... you can never really connect the dots with die ärzte. (ä would have a line instead of three dots then wait what)

Now they apparently are giving us some sort of puzzle images and I’m not exactly sure what to think of them. The newest photo there? Is that an old one? Maybe of one of them? Or is that just some random photo made to look like an old one? Is that from any of them or just some totally, totally random photo having nothing to do with them at all? Are we supposed to read something between the lines from the text on this guy’s chest? I guess we’ll have to see how this week goes but I feel like this could again support the nostalgia thing here. Them just releasing a single and not doing anything about it before that would have not been like them anyway.

I’m also thinking about the sound clips on their website because those are music genres. We all know that dä has made music probably from pretty much every genre in the world.

Based on all this I started to think if they are trying to make either some sort of a homage to their own band history. Or then they might just feel nostalgic for no bigger reason. We all know how many times these guys (well mainly Farin) have told the same stories over and over again. I have read about some same incidents from numerous articles and they still keep bringing them up on stage all the time too. They were also feeling very nostalgic at the Miles and More tour, from what I could understand (as I still am not fluent in German) they were talking about old songs and such and they also played this one very old unreleased song (”Klaus, Peter, Willi und Petra”) on each Miles and More concert. Here’s a video of that song filmed by me from the concert in Warsaw, Poland:

In 2012 they already made something similar with the zeiDverschwÄndung animation video, it had so much fan merch and photos and whatnot that you have to sit and pause and stare at each image for a moment to even see everything that is there. Maybe they’re kinda doing something like that again?

Another thing to come to my mind is that Bela seemed to be very hyped by Rammstein last year - I have seen so many videos where he just mentions them. In the Rock am Ring live he and Farin both talked about the new Rammstein video versus their sock puppet video, and after the concert Bela again mentioned Rammstein because of the tiny special effect sparks coming down from the ceiling. I can’t link these because the videos are not up but I have the clips on my computer. I also found one Miles and More tour video where Bela was asking the audience to applaud at different things and he also asked them to applaud Rammstein.

I also feel like them opening their concerts with the infamous theme song from 2001: A Space Odyssey off-key was maybe to parody Rammstein. I noticed this when I was to the Rammstein concert and they started it with some classical, non-Rammstein composition (I don’t know which composer that was, but here’s one video of it that I found). Talking of this and nostalgy, I also figured that dä actually used  the Space Odyssey theme as their opening song already back in 1987:

And the off-key version seems to be a meme from several years back. I bet one of them just stumbled upon it and found it hilarious :D Here’s what it looked and sounded like in Warsaw (again filmed by me):

So. What do YOU think? Can we get a conversation around it? Or am I gonna just have a monologue on Tumblr as always? (Probably just gonna have a monologue as always </3)

[des-draws]

1-A autistic hcs!

Alright it’s already past midnight here but. I’m still posting this.

Back in my 1-A pride hcs post I also mentioned my autistic hcs, and said I might elaborate on them in April. But because I am a master of procrastination, of course I left it for last minute. 

But either way, here you go; over 3k of projection and infodumping. I’m gonna leave an AO3 link in the replies if it’s easier for you to read there.

(general tw for some mentions of ableism, and specifically tw for ableism/child abuse/ende*vor in the very first bulletpoint)

Todoroki

Ende*vor absolutely refused to believe that there could be something “wrong” with the one supposed to surpass All Might, and so he ignored any and all traits Todoroki would show, punished him for the ones he couldn’t ignore, and chalked up the meltdowns he caused him to Todoroki being a brat.

As such, Todoroki spent a lot of his life masking and hiding and suppressing himself.

Thankfully, much like with everything else, after moving to the dorms he’s starting to unlearn all that internalized shit and instead accept himself for who he is- including indulging in suppressed stims, special interests and other autistic behaviours in a safe, accepting environment. 

He’s found that cold soba is apparently a samefood for him- he knew he liked it enough to eat it all the time without getting bored of it (not that he actually does, since with their hero training a balanced, diverse diet is important), but he didn’t know there was a word for that.

Monotone voice and trouble with facial expressions, you know how it goes. He actually tries to use the “correct” tone and make the “correct” expression, if only so that the people he’s supposed to protect don’t think of him as “aloof”, but he gets easily tired of going back to the masking. He cares, he cares so much, this is just not one of the ways of showing it that comes to him naturally.

Can people please stop talking in metaphors and idioms around him and expect him to know the translation to everything. Thank you.

He’s reluctantly letting himself indulge in his recently discovered special interest on a certain manga series; he’s been buying the volumes, and at some point Sero found him reading one and they started bonding over it. Now Todoroki goes to Sero when he feels like infodumping- though, he has to be careful not to spoil anything. Sero is a way behind since he doesn’t go through the volumes like someone’s chasing him. He has, however, helped Todoroki make a blog where he can infodump about it, spoilers and all. He’s quickly becoming “fandom famous”, Sero says- and even though Todoroki’s not sure what that means yet, he’s very happy to see others as into the series as he is.

Iida gives him stim and fidget toys all the time- Todoroki is reluctant to keep them as the other says, since he could buy them himself, but Iida insists. Todoroki especially likes the tangles. He’s building himself quite the collection.

He’s also invested in some high-quality sound-cancelling headphones. Long overdue, but better late than never.

Favorite stim: TBA, although clenching his fists around his thumbs is something he’s always done- even before he had a name for it, or knew why it was so comforting. 

Midoriya

His special interests are Quirks and All Might (the Hero Persona™ rather then the person)! He can infodump about different quirks and theories on how to use them and “what if x quirk exists how would that work” for hours. He’s spent entire evenings arguing on forums about which of All Might’s hero outfits was most efficient and useful for what was needed. Inko, on more than one occasion, had to lure him out of his room with the promise of a rare comic book so he would eat something.

On that same vein, he is appalled by some of his classmates’ hero costumes. He’s too polite to be that crass about it out loud, but in his brain he’s always going “what in the everloving fuck is this???? Who let a teenager go into battle naked???? Did she just go ‘oh yea give me a pair of gloves and boots and I’m set’ and they let her??? Who agreed to this?? Nothing tracking her vitals, nothing keeping her warm in fucking December????? This is just irresponsible”

So you can imagine the rants he goes into when one of them does ask him for advice on how to update their costume.

He likes visual stims a lot- you know that thing where you shut your eyes and wave a bright phone screen in front of them? He loves that

Having trouble emotionally regulating means lots of crying. Not a bad thing, just. A thing. That a lot of people don’t expect when they first meet him.

Inko has always tried her best to accommodate him, but there’s only so much to do when they’re just getting by. He’s very understanding though. She gets into making DIY stim toys for him, and as he grows up he joins in and it’s a very pleasant pastime for the two of them (to the point that he’d rather keep them as mementos of the time spent together than use them for stimming).

Favorite stim: Hand-flapping and back-and-forth rocking!! Classic and good!

Iida

No volume control we die like men (he’s trying to work on it but a lot of the time he’s louder than he realizes. His friends never fault him for it tough.)

Always loved putting his toys in a line- lines are neat! Don’t you see how tidy everything looks now? This is fun! Unfortunately, kids his age didn’t have the same opinion and just chalked it up to him being a “neat freak”.

The kind to separate his food into sections. He had to get used to eating with company in school, since no one wanted to sit with him during lunchtime before, lest they be subjected to his “bizarre eating habits”.

His family is, thankfully, very supportive and accommodating. They were a little worried when he moved into the dorms, but he reassured them that his classmates are just as accepting and understanding. And besides, he’s not the only “out” neurodivergent kid around anymore!

Has copied the language habits of his parents around Important Customers and never stopped. No one in his family talks quite as formally as he does in casual settings, but hey, better to be too formal than too informal and be considered rude, right?

Owns quite the collection of stim toys. Cubes, squishies, tangles, slime, kinetic sand- you name it, he has it! It’s not so much for himself, since he has a few favorites and sticks to them, but keeps the rest more so for anyone else that might need them.

He’s partial to the fidget pen- he likes fidget cubes too, but they’re usually a little small for his hands and harder to work with.

Doesn’t use memes quite right, but is always eager to learn where they originated from. Kaminari (always good-heartedly) never misses an opportunity to explain them to him, and gets so proud when one of Iida’s attempts lands.

He was kind of worried he’d look out of place on stage in the Cultural Festival, but with his friends reassuring him it’s alright, not only did he go out there, but had lots of fun as well!

Very routine focused. He loses half an hour of sleep and he’s already thinking about re-structuring his entire schedule.

Orange juice is a samefood. That boy need his orang juice

Special interest in the mechanics that go into hero costumes and quirk-assisting gadgets. It’s why he was so eager to accept help from Hatsume during the sports festival (he has mixed feelings about this one), and he’s sure they would work well together if only she stopped trying to make him a test subject.

It’s also something he and Midoriya can spend hours going back and forth about. Iida doesn’t usually lose track of time, but he can’t help it when such an interesting conversation is happening!

Screw “quiet hands”. In this house we wave our hands around intensely enough to almost smack someone (“but not actually smack them!! Always be aware of your surroundings!!”)

Favorite stim: Believe it or not, running! The wind resistance, the stomp of his feet, is all Very Good!!

Kirishima

He used to chew stuff a lot- first as a way to get used to his new, sharper teeth, and then because he just liked how very stimmy it is! But he’d also chew stuff that’s not really supposed to be put your mouth so his moms helped him find healthier stim alternatives, since actual chewelry were either a) not stimmy enough, b) wrong texture or c) destroyed too quickly and he’d just go back to chewing unhealthy stuff.

Since he’s grown enough to not go through chewelry at a breakneck pace, he keeps a couple at hand for when he’s studying- helps him focus! He was kinda embarrassed to bring one to his and Bakugou’s study sessions at first, but after Bakugou admitted that he’s also autistic he started keeping one on his person during them- assuring the other that he’s taking proper care of washing it and everything.

He used to bite on his hands as well- still does when he's under extreme stress (imagine summer camp/AFO showing up at Kamino levels of stress) even though he's grown out of it for the most part.

Hyper-Empathy Station. Makes him good with people (and animals) but leaves him exhausted more often than not.

“Hey don’t you get tired of sticking your hair up like that every d-” “It’s routine bro you can’t just quit it that would be chaos”

Whether he wears it up or not, his hair always seems to be a very good tactile stim, both for him and, surprisingly, Bakugou. When it’s up, the pointy spikes are very satisfying to run one’s hands over, just rough enough to slightly scratch the palm, but just light enough to not completely bring them down. When it’s down, Bakugou doesn’t miss an opportunity to touch it, which works for Kirishima too, since having people run their fingers through his hair is very relaxing to him.

He Cannot handle kinetic sand and most slimes. It either feels grainy and dry or too wet and sticky. The crunchy sound sand makes when it’s cut is like nails on a chalkboard in his head. It’s just not for him.

Gullible. Please be nice to him he just wants to believe in the good in everyone

Special interest on Crimson Riot!! I mean, come on; basing his hero persona on him, naming himself after him? Turning to interviews of his in moments of doubt and uncertainty, finding comfort in media about him? Yeah

Has a couple Comfort Sweaters™ and a single comfort plushie- a shark one, the first gift his Ma got him when she met his mom. It’s been patched and stitched up dozens of times, and barely holds itself together, which is why he never takes it out of its safe place in the closet unless he’s seriously in need for some comfort and has already exhausted all other options.

Bro, We Are Autistic . Its Ok To Stim Around Me . Im Ur Best Friend . I Love You . ... Bro, We Are Infodump ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...

Favorite stim: Bumping his hardened fists together!! Sometimes he’ll simply rub his hardened knuckles back and forth together- it’s more discreet, and while not as satisfactory, still good for emotional regulation.

Bakugou

Branded a problem child early on, Bakugou had the majority of his meltdowns called “tantrums” instead. So he decided that if everyone treats him like a brat, he might as well be one.

Even before he started losing his hearing, he had some auditory processing issues- which is why he hates hates hates when Midoriya mutters (and similarly, why he didn’t immediately turn his back to Kirishima- the guy talks loud and clear like 95% of the time. Bakugou can appreciate that, even if he won’t say it).

Face blindness is inconvenient as all hell, which is why he gives people ridiculous nicknames: connecting names to faces is difficult enough, and at the beginning he doesn’t really care to try and memorize them anyway, so he just finds a prominent characteristic to remember each of them by. 

[Insert Smart Guy Meme] “You can’t be deceived by fake politeness and sarcastic compliments if you react aggressively to everything people say to you”

Loves his routine and having everything planned. If you drag him into something out of nowhere and disrupt his schedule he will be mad at you for a week minimum (something his friends found out the hard way)

Prolonged human interaction is absolutely exhausting, more than any quirk training exercise, and he gets cranky at the speed of light when he reaches his limit. As time goes on he does find a few people (first Kirishima and then progressively the rest of the Bakusquad) that aren’t as exhausting for him to be around for longer and longer. He still needs his alone time, but now he knows that he can recharge around them as well, if he feels like having company.

Drumming is Very Good stim-wise. So is spicy food, which is why he likes it so much.

Pressure stims are The Worst for him- weighted blankets, tight vests, anything at all that might constrict him in any way? He Will react like cats do to cucumbers. The only exception is that once in a while, when he’s exhausted but can’t seem to ground himself enough to drift off, he’ll ask Kirishima to just. Lie on him, also like cats do, just until he falls asleep.

This is a No Socks Zone. These foot prisons are absolute sensory hell, and with how sweaty he gets it’s only made worse. 

How Can People Talk About Emotions While Simultaneously Looking Each Other In The Eye This Feels Disgusting I Will Blow Something Up: an autobiography

Favorite stim: Tiny explosions popping in his palms. Sure, grand light shows are fine and all but small ones, just big enough to feel through the roughed-up skin of his palms have a certain calming effect. Sucks that people immediately jump to assuming he’s threatening them when he’s just trying to cool down.

Tsuyu

Very blunt. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes it comes across like it when she’s only trying to be honest and offer advice.

Raptor hands 24/7. what an icon

Has trouble with physical contact in the sense that she’s??? not really sure how to do it??? She offers hugs and hands to hold left and right but it always feels like she’s just. doing it. Like how one would tie a loose shoelace or button up a shirt. It’s not like she hates it, but her nonchalance when someone does hug her makes people assume she’s being cold- which is not the case at all! She’s just offering comfort in a way she knows other people will understand even if it’s not really doing much for her.

Jelly is a samefood! She likes sour apple jelly the best 

Kind of a black-and-white mind. She’s working on seeing the world in shades of grey though, since she saw how her Absolute thinking can impact her friends.

Low/no empathy. She hates that to some people’s eyes that automatically makes her a bad person. Kindness is a choice, one that she doesn’t need empathy to make every day.

Favorite stim: Her near constant kero-kero-ing is very much a vocal stim, as well as echolalia!

Yaomomo

Makes her own stim toys using DIYs rather than her quirk, and is very eager to make any personalized ones for her friends! 

She also likes experimenting with what kinds of textures she can make using her quirk.

Has a semi-popular account where she uploads videos of her playing with slime and kinetic sand regularly.

Much like Iida, she adopted the more formal ways of speaking from her parents and house staff and has trouble toning it down (not that anyone faults her for it).

Very picky about who touches her. She genuinely does not want to come off as the Snobbish Rich Girl but sometimes when someone touches her with no warning or consent she feels like crawling out of her skin 

In the exact same vein, she was extremely hesitant to admit that the futons at the training camp drove her up the wall with that hellish texture. She didn’t want to be the nitpicky one and make a new one using her quirk, either. If anything good came out of the disaster that was the training camp, it was that she didn’t have to sleep on it another night, she thinks (and then feels terrible about it).

Her special interest is tea! Like, actual tea that you drink. Just look at how she lights up when she gets an opportunity to talk about it, or make some for others!! It’s also a samefood for her- she tries to be diverse, but there are a couple with juuust the right combination of smell and taste that she will always go back to.

Sometimes she won’t even drink any- just the process of making it is extremely comforting.

Favorite stim: Double-sided sequins! Tactile-visual stim combo!

Koda

Largely nonverbal. Talking to people is too stressful 99% of the time. Animals are way better listeners anyway.

No volume control we die like men part 2 (but it’s the complete opposite from Iida, in that he can never seem to raise his voice enough)

Likes his peace and quiet, and can easily go into sensory overload if one too many sounds are happening at once. He wants to invest in some headgear for his hero costume that helps him tune out distracting sounds so he can focus on matters at hand while still being able to hear and help those in need.

A plushie hoarder if I ever saw one. His room is the Ultimate Comfort Corner. 

Favorite stim: Humming to himself. Reluctant to do it in the presence of others, but increasingly comfortable around friends.

Aizawa 

Samefoods with those juice pouches he always keeps around

Permanently exhausted due to having to interact with people

Talks in a monotone and has trouble making expressions

His sleeping bag is very good pressure stim. It’s also very hard for him to replace it, because it has to be Just Right, so by the time he does find one that is Just Right, the old one is practically falling apart.

The only reason he’ll sleep in a bed is if Mic is there to share it with him. Otherwise it’s too cold and exposed and weighted blankets can only do so much.

He kinda misses the time before he got top surgery for the sole reason that binders offered a very comforting pressure stim. However, he acknowledges that it’s for the best he got it, since a lot of the time he’d bind for longer than it’s safe. He was lucky to still have the option of getting surgery.

(this has been a safe binding psa, please don’t do what he did)

He does however, tend to wear a tight, though still breathable undershirt at near all times. 

As much as he complains about Mic’s mustache, he actually likes it. He tried to kiss Mic once when he shaved it for the first time in forever and instantly went “yea no. This isn’t working. Feels wrong and bad, Put It Back™”. Didn’t kiss him again until it grew back.

Everything Happens So Much

He talks back to cats. Like, actually meows back at them. Very good echolalia, makes Mic’s day to walk into a scene like this

Favorite stim: Petting cats! The fur of different breeds offers a variety in texture and when they start purring a very good auditory stim is added to the mix! And when they sit on him and add a pressure stim? Cats are the whole package!!

That’s all (for now?) Thanks for reading!! Hope you had a nice Autism Acceptance Month!!!

[incomprehensiblelentils]

@dollsome-does-tumblr​ does this and opened it up to anyone and I am feeling chatty today SO!

Because I co-write a lot with my lovely wife, I might answer some questions including those co-written stories, or I might not, depends on how I feel when I get there.

name:

Megan but I go by Lentils most places on the internet, Shadowcrawler over on AO3

fandoms:

at the moment: MCU, especially Agents of SHIELD and Daredevil; Terminator: Dark Fate; Halt and Catch Fire. Oh and I wrote Dollhouse fanfics a thousand years ago. Sometimes I will watch a movie/show and think “those two girls should be gay” and bang out 2k of fic about it and then never write for that fandom again. (I THOUGHT this was going to be HACF but as it turns out, no, it’s not done with me yet.)

where you post:

AO3, at Shadowcrawler. I also have a tumblr @lentils-writes​ where theoretically I post links to fics/advertise them in the tags, because I used to be real precious about not putting porn on this blog, but fuck it.

most popular multi-chapter fic:

Co-written, it’s definitely mallverse, which is I think the reason most writers definitely hate us because it’s very long and there are a lot of tags lmao. The problem is that every tagged character HAS shown up in a significant fashion at some point so we can’t just...untag them! It doesn’t update weekly anymore because we’re exhausted by life lmao so at least there’s that???

As for a multi-chapter fic that was just me, I don’t tend to do that so much, so actually it’s say you will, my 3-chapter Endgame fix-it where Clint dies instead of Natasha and Natasha and Laura have a past. It actually has over 1000 hits which is very exciting! I feel like it’s...niche in a way that is frustrating but understandable lol. I put a lot of my heart into it and some people really liked it, so that’s gratifying.

favorite story you’ve written so far:

Co-written, I think our SHIELD Dollhouse AU is very underrated for the amount of work we put into it. Author bias evident here because I love Dollhouse warts and all, and it’s a lot of fun translating episode plots as well as the general trajectory of the show into stuff that will work with SHIELD characters. We don’t just rewrite episodes, we really try and rework them as needed. Also it features both Skimmons and my beloved rarepair Bobbi/Kara, though of course they won’t get together until later.

Of my own stuff, I’m still really really proud of the AU where Kara Palamas didn’t die. I think that was a pretty severe misstep of the show and I think I did a good job of fixing it. (I haven’t forgotten Kara, promise!)

fic you were nervous to post:

lolololol I wrote some uh. Terminator pornography last year and. They are very porny! I had co-written a bunch of smut obviously, but that was the first time I’d posted like, PWP all by myself on purpose??? and that was TERRIFYING. Also I was very nervous to post the Engame fix-it because that was my own personal goodbye/tribute to Natasha.

how you choose your titles:

They are always either song lyrics or jokes (such as Three Lawyers and a Baby, my Daredevil Accidental Baby Acquisition fic). My WIP docs are always titled either obvious shit like “RoseJannah horse girls” or memes like “what if we belonged to a fire cult and we fucked haha just kidding unless...?” or “Morgan has two mommies.”

do you outline?:

B and I typically outline for the co-written fics, although it’s more often chapter-by-chapter outlines since that’s how we write them. On occasion we’ve fully planned multi-chapter stuff out in advance but that’s less common. Oh and the one-shots are nearly always outlined as well, just to keep ourselves organized.

When I have written planned multi-chapter fics in the past I have used outlines - particularly for the Kara one and I had to do that for the SHIELD Kill Bill AU because I was trying to follow the format of the movie. For things that are allegedly supposed to be one-shots I almost never outline, which turns out to be a terrible idea when they inevitably balloon beyond my control and become 45k like say you will. That one, I wrote out a list of scenes I thought needed to be in it and then I wrote about 75% of those scenes and then I wrote a bunch more scenes I hadn’t planned for. Don’t be like me, kids!

complete fics:

According to AO3, 89 as of right now. Uh, you do not want me to list all of them, here’s a link, I guess!

in progress:

I don’t understand what the difference is between this question and the WIP questions lmao help????

posted WIPs that I have active plans to continue at this time:

Cowritten: mallverse as I said, and its femslash smut oneshots spinoff and character flashbacks spinoff and older characters/teachers spinoff (these get updated, uh, irregularly), the first half of a Piper/Snowflake SHIELD s7 fic that we are planning on finishing the second half of soonish, SHIELD Dollhouse AU, SHIELD Teen Beach AU, SHIELD Buffy AU. You may notice a pattern!

By myself, I have: Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas, a Terminator Hallmark Christmas fic that I ambitiously posted the first chapter of in 2019 and then lost steam immediately (I am going to go back to it sooner or later bc I had some cute ideas for it); the SHIELD Fate of the Furious AU that has one chapter to go and which I do intend on finishing eventually; Three Lawyers and a Little Lady, the Daredevil Accidentally Baby Acquisition AU that is literally just cute kidfic and poly avocados and which I have a bunch of ideas for and just need to buckle down and finish some.

posted WIPs that I have given up on:

Lol so there’s a Dollhouse Caroline/Bennett Doctor Who AU that I wrote purely as idfic and which nobody ever cared about except me, and I think that ship has sailed! RIP darlings. I also had an ongoing Skimmons series waaaay back when where I posted oneshots that were like missing scenes or gay readings for each s1 episode, and I just feel like it would be inauthentic to even try and finish it at this point. (It does include the first ever Skimmons fic to be posted on AO3! Really truly, there’s one fic that shows up as older but it’s an ongoing fic and was updated with the tag way after I posted mine.)

exchange fics due soon/unrevealed:

I haven’t done an exchange since like 2015 lololol I am so bad at them. I am currently working on finishing up my MCU Femslash bingo card, very late, and I do have plans for almost all of the remaining squares!

WIPs that live in my fanfic folder and are incomplete and who knows when they’ll be finished:

“RoseJannah horse girls,” which has been put on hold temporarily but is literally just Rose and Jannah being gay while riding orbaks

half of a Daisy/Gwen fic from Marvel Rising because I know they’re not making any more of those but I stg those two were really gay

multiple fics about Elise Nelson-Page including: avocados Halloween with smol Elise, Aunt Elektra very reluctantly taking smol Elise shopping until she realizes smol Elise also likes weapons (she buys her a fake katana), Uncle Frank is a pushover and spoils the shit out of Elise, and baby Elise has a high fever and everyone freaks out but then she gets better and smile at them for the first time (inspired by baby me lol).

coming soon/not yet started:

“Morgan has two mommies,” yet another Endgame fix-it where Maya Hansen did not die in Iron Man 3 and she resurfaces and she and Pepper kiss and eventually she adopts Morgan

Claire and Colleen go on a nice date to get coffee/tea where Danny doesn’t interrupt them goddammit

Bobbi/Kara Warehouse 13 AU which is sort of like “For the Team” but gayer ft. grappling hook

X-Men: Evolution Tabby/Amara fluff

Cameron/Donna character study disguised as smut

Grace proposes to Dani with a ring made out of the metal from her power source and Carl officiates the wedding 

Dani gets horny watching Grace eat a peach and jerks off and Grace ends up hearing her and then they fuck (I have been calling this “the peach fic” in my head but I gotta stop being delicate about it lmfao it is just porn)

B and I have plans to do a Nico/Karolina Jasper in Deadland AU but we keep forgetting

I MUST WRITE FOGGY AND KAREN SADLY FUCKING IN A CHURCH WHILE THEY MOURN MATT THIS YEAR I STG

do you accept prompts:

uhhhhhh I have on occasion written a prompt for someone before but it’s pretty rare and I have enough trouble writing the shit I come up with in my own head lol. but never say never?

upcoming story you are most excited to write:

I’ve got a bit of the Bobbi/Kara Warehouse fic written and it’s nice to go back to that world. Also I’m weirdly excited about the Cam/Donna smutty character study I mentioned above, I have a lot of what I think are good ideas for it and it’ll be fun.

tagging @unwind-myself @swiftzeldas @swashbucklery @loved-the-stars-too-fondly and, if you want to, you!

[raptured-night]

Hi! I’m part of the lgbtq+ community and Severus is my favorite HP character and I was wondering (if you have the time and feel obliged) if you could please give me a few examples of how he’s queer? It’s been a few years since I reread the books, and def before I came out, so I’m a little in the dark here lol Thanks!!

First of all, I just wanted to apologize for how long it has taken me to properly respond to your ask. I’ve been dealing with some ongoing health issues that have turned me into something of a moody writer. I’ll get random spurts of energy and inspiration and then hit a wall of absolute writer’s block assisted by a major case of executive dysfunction every single time I try to respond to the multiple asks languishing in my inbox. Fortunately, I found myself involved in a discussion just today that addressed your ask so perfectly that I wanted to share it with you.  In the very least, that discussion has also managed to shake off my writer’s block temporarily so that I have found myself in the right head-space to finally be able to give this lovely ask the thought and attention that I feel it deserves. 

Although, in regards to the Snape discourse I linked above, I feel that I should warn you in advance that the discussion was prompted by an anti-Snape poster who made a rather ill-thought meme (I know there are many in the Snapedom who would rather just avoid seeing anti-Snape content altogether, so I try to warn when I link people to debates and discussions prompted by anti-posts) but the thoughtful responses that the anti-Snape poster unintentionally generated from members of the Snapedom (particularly by @deathdaydungeon whose critical analyses of Snape and, on occasions, other Harry Potter characters is always so wonderfully nuanced, thought-provoking, and well-considered), are truly excellent and worth reading, in my opinion. Also, as I fall more loosely under the “a” (I’m grey-ace/demisexual) of the lgbtqa+ flag and community I would prefer to start any discussions about Snape as a queer character or as a character with queer coding by highlighting the perspectives of people in the Snapedom who are actually queer before sharing any thoughts of my own.

In addition, I also wanted to share a few other posts where Snape’s queer coding has been discussed by members of the Snapedom in the past (and likely with far more eloquence than I could manage in this response of my own).

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Along with an excellent article in Vice by Diana Tourjée, in which a case for Snape being trans is convincingly argued. 

Importantly, you’ll notice that while some of these discussions do argue the possibility of Snape being a queer or trans character others may only discuss the way that Snape’s character is queer coded. That is because there is a distinct but subtle difference between: “This character could be queer/lgbtq+” and: “This character has queer/lgbtq+ coding” one which is briefly touched on in the first discussion that I linked you to. However, I would like to elaborate a bit here just what I mean when I refer to Snape as a character with queer coding. As while Rowling has never explicitly stated that she intended to write Snape as lgbtq+ (although there is one interview given by Rowling which could be interpreted as either an unintentional result of trying to symbolically explain Snape’s draw to the dark arts or a vague nod to Snape’s possible bisexuality: "Well, that is Snape's tragedy. ... He wanted Lily and he wanted Mulciber too. He never really understood Lily's aversion; he was so blinded by his attraction to the dark side he thought she would find him impressive if he became a real Death Eater.”) regardless of her intent when she drew upon the existing body of Western literary traditions and tropes for writing antagonists and villains in order to use them as a red-herring for Snape’s character, she also embued his character with some very specific, coded subtext. This is where Death of the Author can be an invaluable tool for literary critics, particularly in branches of literary criticism like queer theory. 

Ultimately, even if Rowling did not intend to write Snape as explicitly queer/lgbtq+ the literary tradition she drew upon in order to present him as a foil for Harry Potter and have her readers question whether he was an ally or a villain has led to Snape being queer coded. Specifically, many of the characteristics of Snape’s character design do fall under the trope known as the “queering of the villain.” Particularly, as @deathdaydungeon, @professormcguire, and other members of the Snapedom have illustrated, Snape’s character not only subverts gender roles (e.g. his Patronus presents as female versus male, Snape symbolically assumes the role of “the mother” in the place of both Lily and later Narcissa when he agrees to protect Harry and Draco, his subject of choice is potions and poisons which are traditionally associated more with women and “witches,” while he seemingly rejects in his first introduction the more phallic practice of “foolish wand-waving,” and indeed Snape is characterized as a defensive-fighter versus offensive, in Arthurian mythology he fulfills the role of Lady of the Lake in the way he chooses to deliver the Sword of Gryffindor to Harry, Hermione refers to his hand-writing as “kind of girly,” his association with spiders and spinners also carries feminine symbology, etc.) but is often criticized or humiliated for his seeming lack of masculinity (e.g. Petunia mocking his shirt as looking like “a woman’s blouse,” which incidentally was also slang in the U.K. similar to “dandy” to accuse men of being effeminate, the Marauders refer to Snape as “Snivellus” which suggests Snape is either less masculine because he cries or the insult is a mockery of what could pass for a stereotypical/coded Jewish feature, his nose, Remus Lupin quite literally instructs Neville on how to “force” a Boggart!Snape, who incidentally is very literally stepping out of a closet-like wardrobe, into the clothing of an older woman and I quoted force because that is the exact phrase he uses, James and Sirius flipping Snape upside down to expose him again presents as humiliation in the form of emasculation made worse by the arrival and defense of Lily Evans, etc.). 

Overall, the “queering of the villain” is an old trope in literature (although it became more deliberate and prevalent in media during the 1950s-60s); however, in modernity, we still can find it proliferating in many of the Disney villains (e.g. Jafar, Scar, Ursula, etc.), in popular anime and children’s cartoons (e.g. HiM from Powerpuff Girls, James from Pokemon, Frieza, Zarbon, the Ginyu Force, Perfect Cell, basically a good majority of villains from DBZ, Nagato from Fushigi Yuugi, Pegasus from Yu Gi Oh, etc.), and even in modern television series and book adaptations, such as the popular BBC’s Sherlock in the character of Moriarty. Indeed, this article does an excellent job in detailing some of the problematic history of queer coded villains. Although, the most simple summary is that: “Queer-coding is a term used to say that characters were given traits/behaviors to suggest they are not heterosexual/cisgender, without the character being outright confirmed to have a queer identity” (emphasis mine). Notably, TV Tropes also identifies this trope under the classification of the “Sissy Villain” but in queer theory and among queer writers in fandom and academia “queering of the villain” is the common term. This brings me back to Snape and his own queer coding; mainly, because Rowling drew upon Western traditions for presenting a character as a suspected villain she not only wrote Snape as queer (and racially/ethnically) coded but in revealing to the reader that Snape was not, in fact, the villain Harry and the readers were encouraged to believe he was by the narrator she incorporated a long history of problematic traits/tropes into a single character and then proceeded to subvert them by subverting reader-expectation in a way that makes the character of Severus Snape truly fascinating. 

We can certainly debate the authorial intent vs. authorial impact where Snape’s character is concerned. Particularly as we could make a case that the polarizing nature of Snape may well be partly the result of many readers struggling against Rowling subverting literary tropes that are so firmly rooted in our Western storytelling traditions that they cannot entirely abandon the idea that this character who all but had the book thrown at him in terms of all the coding that went into establishing him as a likely villain (e.g. similar to Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, Snape is also coded to be associated with darkness/black colors and to represent danger and volatile/unstable moods, while his class status further characterizes him as an outsider or “foreign other,” and not unlike all those villains of our childhood Disney films which affirmed a more black-and-white philosophy of moral abolutism, such as Scar or Jafar, the ambiguity of Snape’s sexuality coupled with his repeated emasculation signals to the reader that this man should be “evil” and maybe even “predatory,” ergo all the “incel” and friendzone/MRA discourse despite nothing in canon truly supporting those arguments; it seems it may merely be Snape’s “queerness” that signals to some readers that he was predatory or even that “If Harry had been a girl” there would be some kind of danger) is not actually our villain after all. 

Indeed, the very act of having Snape die (ignoring, for the moment, any potential issues of “Bury Your Gays” in a queer analysis of his death) pleading with Harry to “look at him” as he symbolically seems to weep (the man whom Harry’s hyper-masculine father once bullied and mocked as “Snivellus”) memories for Harry to view (this time with his permission) carries some symbolic weight for any queer theory analysis. Snape, formerly portrayed as unfathomable and “secretive,” dies while pleading to be seen by the son of both his first and closest friend and his school-hood bully (a son that Snape also formerly could never see beyond his projection of James) sharing with Harry insight into who he was via his personal memories. For Harry to later go on to declare Snape “the bravest man he ever knew” carries additional weight, as a queer theory analysis makes it possible for us to interpret that as Harry finally recognizing Snape, not as the “queer coded villain” he and the reader expected but rather as the brave queer coded man who was forced to live a double-life in which “no one would ever know the best of him” and who, in his final moments at least, was finally able to be seen as the complex human-being Rowling always intended him to be. 

Rowling humanizing Snape for Harry and the reader and encouraging us to view Snape with empathy opened up the queer coding that she wrote into his character (intentionally or otherwise) in such a way that makes him both a potentially subversive and inspiring character for the lgbtq+ community. Essentially, Snape opens the door for the possibility of reclaiming a tradition of queer coding specific to villains and demonstrating the way those assumptions about queer identity can be subverted. Which is why I was not at all surprised that I was so easily able to find a body of existing discourse surrounding Snape as a queer coded or even as a potentially queer character within the Harry Potter fandom. At least within the Snapedom, there are many lgbtq+ fans of his character that already celebrate the idea of a queer, bi, gay, trans, ace/aro, or queer coded Snape (in fact, as a grey-ace I personally enjoy interpreting Snape through that lens from time-to-time). 

Thank you for your ask @pinkyhatespink and once again I apologize for the amount of time it’s taken me to reply. However, I hope that you’ll find this response answered your question and, if not, that some of the articles and posts from other pro-Snape bloggers I linked you to will be able to do so more effectively. Also, as a final note, although many of the scholarly references and books on queer coding and queering of the villain I would have liked to have sourced are typically behind paywalls, I thought I would list the names of just a few here that I personally enjoyed reading in the past and that may be of further interest should you be able to find access to them.

Fathallah, Judith. “Moriarty’s Ghost: Or the Queer Disruption of the BBC’s Sherlock.” Television & New Media, vol. 16, no. 5, 2014, p. 490-500. 

Huber, Sandra. “Villains, Ghosts, and Roses, or How to Speak With The Dead.” Open Cultural Studies, vol. 3, no. 1, 2019, p. 15-25.

Mailer, Norman. “The Homosexual Villain.” 1955. Mind of an Outlaw: Selected Essays, edited by Sipiora Phillip, Random House, 2013, pp. 14–20.

Solis, Nicole Eschen. "Murder Most Queer: The Homicidal Homosexual in the American Theater." Queer Studies in Media & Pop Culture, vol. 1, no. 1, 2016, p. 115+. 

Tuhkanen, Mikko. “The Essentialist Villain.” Jan. 2019,  SBN13: 978-1-4384-6966-9

[nannyfeline]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Essential (to me) Episodes (+Garak)

I’m starting a rewatch of Deep Space Nine, but I’ve already seen it all the way through three times, so this time I’m focusing on just the “essential” episodes (plus the Garak-heavy ones).

This is a consolidated list of the episodes I’m watching so I don’t have to keep cross-referencing six other lists whenever I go to choose the next episode to watch. I’m putting this here for me to use, feel free to use it as a guide if you like or ignore it completely. 

Season 1

Episodes 1 and 2 – Emissary: The first episode.

Episode 3 – Past Prologue: Bajoran terrorists are a thing. Garak is introduced. He makes a pass at Bashir.

Episode 13 – Battle Lines: Space pope goes to space.

Episode 19 – Duet: Cardassians and Bajorans (but not Garak).

Episode 20 – In the Hands of Prophets: Nurse Ratched is Vedek Winn and she bad.

Season 2

Episodes 1, 2, and 3: The show becomes reasonably good. There’s an attempted coup on Bajor, and the station is “abandoned.” 

Episode 5 – Cardassians: Sets up some Cardassian background and has lots of Garak. Also Bashir.

Episode 7 – Rules of Acquisition: I mean, I guess. The Dominion gets mentioned, so sure, whatever.

Episode 14 – Whispers: O’Brien thinks everyone has been replaced by pod people.

Episode 18 – Profit and Loss: Quark, Cardassians, and Garak.

Episodes 20 and 21 – The Maquis: Yeah, sure. It sets them up. They’re important in other series.

Episode 22 – The Wire: GARAK! AND BASHIR!

Episode 26 – The Jem’Hadar: They’re important.

Season 3

Episodes 1 and 2 – The Search: Dominion stuff. Eddington is introduced.

Episode 3 – The House of Quark: Quark and a Klingon get married.

Episode 5 – Second Skin: Cardassians gaslight Kira.

Episode 7 – Civil Defense: Those old Cardassian safety measures on Terok Nor sure are tricky.

Episode 9 – Defiant: Riker and the Maquis. Or is it???

Episodes 11 and 12 – Past Tense: Sisko, Dax, and Bashir are transported back in time to approximately right now (2024, actually), and things are basically fucked but honestly not that different than real life in 2020. (In 1995, it seemed like we would never get to this point. 25 years later, and boy were we wrong. This one is important for understanding some memes, but it honestly may be depressing and triggering here in the summer of 2020.)

Episode 15 – Destiny: Sisko being the Emissary and also talking to Cardassians.

Episode 16 – Prophet Motive: This may be my imagination, but it looks like there could be foreshadowing for “Doctor Bashir, I Presume.” I don’t know, I haven’t rewatched it, yet. I honestly doubt they were thinking that far ahead. I’ll update after I’ve seen it.

Episode 18 – Distant Voices: Bashir is under telepathic attack. Reddit says it’s a good Garak ep.

Episodes 20 and 21 – Improbable Cause and The Die is Cast: Snap, Garak is doing some shady shit. It’s a tough watch if you want to keep Garak in the good guy column. Cardassians attack the Dominion.

Episode 22 – Explorers: Could be more “Doctor Bashir, I Presume” foreshadowing, but probably not. I’ll see.

Episode 26 – The Adversary: Founder infiltrates the Defiant.

Season 4

Episodes 1 and 2 – The Way of the Warrior: Klingons go to war and Worf joins the cast.

Episode 4 – Hippocratic Oath: Bashir’s such a grown up now! Love it! Making big boy choices wrt the Jem’Hadar.

Episode 5 – Indiscretion: Okay, sure, I mean, if you’ve never seen the show, I guess this one is important. It introduces Ziyal. She’s a terrible character, but whatever.

Episode 7 – Starship Down: Fighting the Dominion.

Episode 8 – Little Green Men: THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE! Quark, Rom, and Nog are transported back to 1947 Roswell, New Mexico, and this is the episode that makes me also sort of ship Quark/Odo.

Episode 10 – Our Man Bashir: Bashir and Garak are playing a 1960s James Bond holonovel and have to save the crew when a transporter accident causes their patterns to become integrated with the program. It’s dumb and fun.

Episodes 11 and 12 – Homefront and Paradise Lost: Starfleet violating civil rights a bit to root out Changelings.

Episode 14 – Return to Grace: Cardassians gonna Cardass, I guess.

Episode 22 – For the Cause: Garak and Ziyal become friends.

Episode 23 – To the Death: Sisko and the Dominion work together for a common goal. And we get WEYOUN!

Episode 25 – Body Parts: Quark thinks he’s going to die, so he starts selling off his body parts. Reddit says it’s a good Garak ep, though.

Episode 26 – Broken Link: Odo needs the Founders, uh-oh.

Season 5

Episode 1 – Apocalypse Rising: Whoops, there’s a Klingon Changeling, now.

Episode 6 – Trials and Tribble-ations: Set during TOS “The Trouble with Tribbles.”

Episode 8 – Things Past: Several of the kids, including Garak, are astral projecting to the Cardassian occupation.

Episode 9 – The Ascent: I don’t know, Odo and Quark are hanging out, I guess?

Episode 13 – For the Uniform: Eddington is back.

Episodes 14 and 15 – In Purgatory’s Shadow and By Inferno’s Light: The Dominion’s a’comin’.

Episode 16 – Doctor Bashir, I Presume: Julian’s secret’s out. (My favorite Bashir/O’Brien interaction is in this episode.)

Episode 24 – Empok Nor: O’Brien, Nog, and Garak are scavenging on Empok Nor, sister station of Terok Nor. Spoopy.

Episode 25 – In the Cards: A dumb Jake/Nog fetch quest episode, but Kai Winn meets Weyoun, so… 🤷‍♂️

Episode 26 – Call to Arms: Okay, there’s definitely a war on now.

Season 6

Episode 1 – A Time to Stand: They a’fightin’.

Episode 2 – Rocks and Shoals: Hey, look, the kids are stranded with some Jem’Hadar.

Episode 4 – Behind the Lines: Occupied DS9.

Episodes 5 and 6: Favor the Bold and Sacrifice of Angels: Retaking DS9.

Episode 11 – Waltz: Now Sisko and Dukat are stranded.

Episode 18 – Inquisition: Bashir is accused of being a spy, because why not. Section 31 is introduced.

Episode 19 – In the Pale Moonlight: Lol Sisko is a fascist. Garak helps.

Episode 26 – Tears of the Prophets: The Federation goes on offense.

Season 7

Episode 1 – Image in the Sand: Things just keep going, you know?

Episode 2 – Shadows and Symbols: I’m going to give this one a miss, personally, but it introduces Ezri.

Episode 3 – Afterimage: Poor Garak.

Episode 6 – Treachery, Faith, and the Great River: Weyouns Weyouning.

Episode 8 – The Siege of AR-558: Fightin’.

Episode 9 – Covenant: Dukat is bonkers.

Episode 16 – Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges: Bashir and Section 31.

Episodes 17 through 19: Probably should watch these. Beginning of the end.

Episodes 20 through 24: Getting there.

Episodes 25 and 26 – What You Leave Behind: The finale.

[segenassefa]

2: On Consumerism, Fighting Demons, and Societies Inevitable Collapse

Quarantine has been lowkey surreal. My constant complaint of never having enough time to do all the things I want/should be doing has now left me bored in the house, bored in the house, bored with nothing but time to get said things done. However, it is a dual edged sword - with the collapse and subsequent reformation of civil society outside my doors, it leaves me wondering – as well as a lot of other people – in the words of Miss Juicy…what the hell we gone do now?

Nearing the end of the first leg of my university career, I should be thinking about getting ready to transition to the next logical stages of adulthood - saving for an apartment, applying for permanent residency, as well as graduate schools and part time jobs. Yet, I’m worried about if these things will even be a possibility within the next month, six months, or even the next year.

On top of ALL of that, the recent BLM protests and the way that people (read: white people, Latinxs, Black men, homo/transphobes, etc.) have shown their asses the past few months is beyond mortifying - especially regarding the treatment of black women and how our value as individuals as well as a collective to society is really perceived.* This is not to downplay the murder of numerous black men in society, BUT who the fuck is riding for black women aside from other black women? And not just the ones who find attractive, or are racially ambiguous, or the ones you feel as if you get “guilted” into supporting and demanding justice for, I mean each and every black woman. I’m just saying, it gets pretty disheartening to feel like the legwork of the revolution is on the back of one category of people, and that your value to society is measured by the amount of emotional labour you’re ready to do for others, or how fat your ass is (but I digress…).

I feel like most people have used material things as coping mechanisms instead of actually facing their feelings and dealing with the things that bother them. Just think of the number of packages that have arrived on your doorstep the past few months. Breaking the glossy seal of packing tape is similar to therapy, until all the boxes are open, and you start feeling like shit again. And now, more than ever, there’s a lot to be bothered about. Western society has dedicated phrases based on the phenomenon of substituting true self-work with figurative emotional bandages (Phrases like comfort eating and retail therapy come to mind).

It’s nice to think that we – the people entering their adolescent and young adult years – will be the one to change these things, but suddenly it’s 2 am, you have twenty different things in your Amazon cart, (who the fuck needs a metal straw cleaning kit?) and you’re trying to see how far you can stretch and grab your debit card before falling off of the bed.

The conflicting messages pushed by society don’t help all that much either. If you look up “Kondo method” or “decluttering my closet” on YouTube, the numbers of videos that come up is astounding. Pages and pages of sweaty-faced, smiling YouTubers monetizing from this kind of faux “minimalism” only to post haul videos a few days later because “I threw everything out and now I have to rebuild from scratch sksksk!”. Does this not just perpetuate a cycle of buying and throwing and buying? I am....confusion, to say the least. Still I watch them, because I’m a hypocrite, and am also easily amused.

I will be the first to admit I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with money, with self-image, and with measuring my self-worth in proximity with “stuff that stems from a complicated relationship with physical self. Follow along:

Growing up, I was a fat kid. We don’t even have to sugar coat it. Think Terrio, but better eyebrows and more hair. Except I was not killin’ em, just myself. I always envied my friends who were able to go shopping at regular stores – read: Hollister, Abercrombie, Urban Outfitters (yes my friends were white), meanwhile I was condemned to shopping in the women’s department.

So, to compensate, I would buy trinkets – things like nail polish, lip gloss, journals, you get the point. My proximity to worthiness was measured not by the things that I bought, but within the act of buying. Growing up with parents who were also financially frugal also altered my relationship with money and blessed me with crippling buyers’ remorse after every purchase, even on things that are important (read: groceries).  

But as a kid, buying “stuff” was fun for me – it gave me some sort of purpose, and the acquisition of things (even if they weren’t the same things my peers had) made me feel like, to some extent, I could compete on the same playing field. As I got older, and I started to have real expenses, I moved towards second-hand shopping. I would religiously find myself at Goodwill on weekend, after school, or with friends. I could literally feel an endorphin rush when I would find something that I would consider a “good deal”, and it made me feel (again) purposeful, to be spending money, even if I didn’t need whatever I was buying.

I should also add that the people in my immediate family does not believe in thrift stores (“Why am I working for you to wear other people’s clothing?”, I remember my dad asking me one day), so the act of second-hand shopping was also my form of rebellion.

I began to amass a collection of clothing that would put Kylie’s closet to shame. I began buying things for events and situations that were yet to happen, for other people, for when I lose ten pounds. It was a madness.

In freshman year of university, I had an unhealthy relationship with clubbing clothes. Did I have the figure for clubbing clothes? Absolutely not. The funnier part is, I couldn’t even go clubbing because I wasn’t 19 at the time. And yet I had drawers and drawers full of the stuff. Not to mention that clubbing clothes is incredibly similar to summer clothing and living between Minnesota and Canada meant that these things were barely seeing the light of day.

The moral of this was – I could never figure out my relationship with stuff, This quarantine has forced me to try and break down the compulsion behind my behaviour.  I felt like I was spiralling the six weeks that they closed thrift stores, and I knew myself well enough to not try and online shop with the same kind of frequency as that. But the crazy part was, I didn’t die. I didn’t go into withdrawal (ok, I did a little bit, but whatever), and I was able to take the time to go through the things I already owned and find some hidden gems that were routinely buried in the cracks and crevices of my closet. It was like the episode of Family Guy when Peter realizes he has a vestigial twin – alarming and cool at first, but then it’s just alarming and annoying.

Its more embarrassing to realize that some semblance of myself image is tied to the frequency with which I am able to spend money. I would never say that participating in capitalist society gives me some kind of purpose as a black woman because God forbid. Also, considering that a lot of big names companies are actually racist and fatphobic as hell creates a whole new dimension for analyzing the power of my black dollar, sometimes creating another spiral of guilt leading to you guessed it – more spending.

As much as it seems like it, however, this self-reflection was not in vain. In the past month, I’ve cut down my closet from +200 pieces of clothing and shoes to about 40. If you ever want a fun, humbling activity this quarantine, just clean out your closet and be honest with yourself about how often you wear certain things. It was revolting to see the number of shirts, dresses, pants, skirts that I had bought and convinced myself wholeheartedly I was going to wear, only to pull them out of my closet months later with the tags attached *insert Marge Simpson covering her face meme*.

But at the end of the whole ordeal, it felt really good to look at my space and not feel burden or guilt. It was somewhat philanthropic realizing that not only will these clothes make someone else happier (I donated pretty much everything because it’s not always about money), but that my quality of life was not dramatically impacted in owning (or not owning) certain things. The past few weeks, I’ve spent more money on going out and sharing experiences with friends, but still nowhere near the same amount of money I would have spent buying clothes and other material possession.

Youtuber Kelly Stamps has a video on how minimalism “cured” her depression**, and the whole thesis boils down to the idea that owning less things gives you less to compare yourself too, thus making you happier (in a sense) and allowing you to focus the energy and time that would have been centered around maintaining and building your collection of possessions other things.

This still doesn’t break down the root of the issue, but it’s a start. I think when you have traits or patterns that you’ve participated in for so long, it becomes hard to step back and be objective enough to realize that you – yes, you – are part of the problem. I can blame my habits on a lot of things but at the end of the day, it’s important to realize that certain cycles seem never-ending because I actively choose to participate in these kinds of behaviours (accountability is sexy, huh?). While I’m not ready to face all my demons quite yet, it’s easier to do it with a nice wardrobe and a streamlined sense of mind.

Notes

*When I say black women, I mean ALL black women. Not some limited, cis-gendered, heteronormative view of what a woman is. Over here we ride for all those who identify as women.

**She emphasizes that she doesn’t actually means that it cured anything, but rather helped with her anxiety, and in turn, helped with her depression.

Links

That Family Guy Episode

The Kelly Stamps video

[blueymoons]

Hey boo! Here's a bunch of numbers for that music meme: 1, 5, 6, 15, 20, 26, 28, 35, 38, and 50 🥳❤️ Looking forward to your answers, I love your music taste!

OOOoh this is so exciting!!! @kenzthepea...I adore you and I haven’t told you that enough lately. ❤❤❤

OK..Here goes:

1. Current Favorite Song: This is hard...Because I love so many songs. But the one I kept repeating today was Cardigan by Taylor Swift. I like the melody, and the lyrics that are so intricate. I especially love the bridge and I think my brain is formulating a fic with this song...but I have to wait and see what percolates. But it feels like that’s about to happen. 

5. A Song That Reminds You Of Another Time In Your Life: I’m going to with It’s Been Awhile by Staind. I don’t know why...but every time I hear this song I think back to the first guy I fell in love with. It literally never played while we were together, or featured in our relationship at all, and has nothing to do with either of us...but it makes me think of him because I feel him in it. I think it’s maybe that during the time I met him, and fell in love with him and was held by him...I was dealing with some serious things in my home life. My mother was abusive, and I felt worthless and like a complete fuck up...but all of that didn’t matter when he hugged me. None of it mattered when we were talking. It makes me feel the way he made me feel and I love that. Because I still love him. Just differently, though 15 year old me is still deeply in love with him...But I am happily married to a man who adores me, who listens to me, and who makes me feel seen...which is exactly what Daniel did for me all those years ago. We’re still very good friends and we sing karaoke together (not currently obviously) and he still gives the best hugs and he’s still as sweet and dreamy and magnetic as he was the day I met him. And I feel grateful, so damn grateful that the first man I ever loved, taught me that I was worthy of that love, so that I could recognize when my husband felt the same way. That was long...but worth it. And you knew I’d be wordy. 🤣

6. A Song That Reminds You of A Place You’ve Been: I cannot hear the Hawaiian version of I’m Yours by Jason Mraz without instantly being transported to the beach house my husband and I were married out of a little over 11 years ago. That song was played multiple times during our stay, and the Hawaiian version is so much more lovely than the radio version. It wasn’t our wedding song...but it is our unofficial wedding song. So much so that it’s the song my husband set as my ring tone when I call him. 🥰🥰🥰 I can’t seem to find the Hawaiian version but the version I linked is very damn close. 

15. A Song That Makes You Want To Fall In Love: This one was really hard...Because I’m already very much in love with my husband...But I’m going to give you two...by the same artist, on the same album, because both give off some serious sex appeal to me and both would make me ache to have someone to feel that way about if I didn’t already have my Husband-Man. Wolf Like Me by Lera Lynn ft. Shovels and Rope, and Lose Myself by Lera Lynn, ft. John Paul White (you knew he had to be in here somewhere). Both are on her Plays Well With Others album, which was co-produced by John Paul and Ben Tanner (of the Alabama Shakes) at their Sun Drop Sound recording studio in Florence, Alabama and is on their label Single Lock Records (I’m a huge fan of pretty much every artist on Single Lock’s label) and these two songs are just straight up magic. Wolf Like Me is like...a werewolf love song. It’s literally her begging someone to be a wolf like her, and understand her, and I believe its a cover...but I choose to ignore that because I don’t ever want to hear anyone but Lera and S&R singing it. It’s haunting and sexy and just...ooof. So good. Lose Myself is sexy AF as well because it’s a duet with John and they’re basically singing about being in love with someone who they know is bad for them...and it’s just so painfully sexily delicious. I dare you to listen to their voices melding and not melt into a puddle. It’s almost impossible. 

(This damn post is going to be really long...I hope you don’t mind. 🤣)

20. A Song You’ve Listened To On Repeat Recently: Rattle by Penny and Sparrow (I think you already know this one) has been on repeat for me lately. This song has been many things to me...But It’s become my worship song. When I REALLY need to talk to God (I’m spiritual...I hope this isn’t something that bothers you. Apologies if it is...I won’t preach...I promise) I turn this song on and I always feel closer to Him. When I first heard it I heard it as a romantic song. But the more I listened to it, the more I felt Him in it and the lyrics really called to me. “Because I’m not proud, I’m not proud, I’m not proud of me...so how could you, how could you ever be?” really nails me on the head. I feel like I fall down on being a light for God quite a bit. I try, always, to be a beacon of love and acceptance and grace to everyone. I want to understand my fellow humans...and love them despite their flaws and foibles...but it’s hard. And so this song reminds me that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the only one who occasionally feels that I’m not making Him proud...but the last lines, “I'm gonna work on waiting, If it's true you wanna say you love me every day. And I'm sorry (that it took me so long to realize) you've always felt that way”, are a beautiful reminder that God’s love for me is something he wants to give me everyday, no matter how much I’ve failed at being His beacon on Earth. So it’s my worship song, because I don’t go to church, but hearing this song is feeling a wash of his love over me and that helps me on really hard days. (I hope that wasn’t too preachy)

26. A Song That Reminds You Of Your Favorite Fictional Character: GOD SO MANY!!! Like...everyone I’ve ever written a fic about...and there are MANY. I guess the best way to find this one is to go to my AO3 series The Music Made Me Do It

28. A Song That Represents Your “Aesthetic”: I don’t really know what my “Aesthetic” is...maybe uptight, bohemian, plant loving, boy and dog mom, who over thinks everything constantly? Is that an aesthetic? LOL. So i’m not sure how to answer this one. But if “aesthetic” means what I would have playing in the house all the time, no matter what, no matter who comes over...It would be THIS entire playlist. It’s called Relaxed Jams (which is the EPITOME of an original title...I’m not good with titles...leave me alone 😂) and it’s pretty much playing nonstop in my house and car...Unless I’m listening to Hamilton...which is also constantly playing. So...there you go...My “Aesthetic”...Hope that works for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

35. A Song That Sends Chills Down Your Spine: In the fall of 2018 I was dealing with the knowledge that my oldest son was planning to move to Florida. And I was NOT handling it well. To be honest...I still am not handling it well. I don’t like my baby being so far away and I miss seeing his face, hearing his voice, yelling at him to clean up after himself...I just miss him like I’d miss a limb. We’ve been together since I was 18 and he’s going to be 20 in a few weeks and so, I’m sure you can imagine, over half of my life has been spent loving him. My two boys are the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. They are EVERYTHING to me and that’s not hyperbole. It’s FACT. So, the idea of him moving away from me made me feel like I’d done something wrong, something to chase him away. And I was listening to a random Jason Mraz playlist on Spotify when I heard a song of his that I’d never heard before (which, in itself was a fucking miracle). That song is God Rests In Reason (yes...another God song...sorry) and it’s lyrics were so utterly perfect for the way I was feeling that I had to literally pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t see where I was going for the tears in my eyes. Those lyrics were: “Well your children will not be your children They are the daughters and the sons a beginning They'll come through your womb but not be coming from you They will be with you, but they do not belong to you You can give them your love but not your thoughts 'Cause they'll arrive with their own hearts They're the coming of angels this blessed season Undone they’ll sing, Oh how God rests in reason God rests in reason Isn’t reason enough to prove how God moves through you God rests in reason And thank God you can direct the course of love itself of love itself Directs the course of life Believe not God is your heart child But rather you’re in the Heart of God” And it just SPOKE to everything I felt. I’d been asking myself why my child, who I love beyond everything else, who I’d lay down and die for if he asked me to, would want to leave me. Why would he want to go so far away...and God answered with this song. Because Michael has his own heart...and his heart is pulling him to Florida. And in those moments I started to feel a measure of peace. And I started to cope a little better. I stopped crying and feeling like he was telling me I’d done something wrong, and I started being proud that I’d raised my son to feel strongly enough about his own intuition to follow his dreams and reach for the things he wanted in life. I still miss him. I still hate that he’s gone. But it’s eased. And when it threatens to suffocate me, I go to this song. I realize it isn’t spine tingling in the manner that this question probably meant...but it tingled my spine that a song I’d never heard, by an artist I adore and thought I’d heard everything from, shuffled through my phone at a time that I really needed the message in it. I hope that makes sense...and fills the request.     

38. A Song That You Think Is Underrated: I really think pretty much everything Penny & Sparrow has done is horribly underrated. These two men deserve at least the same amount of accolades that Hozier has. And I’m sure Hozier would agree with me if he’d listened to their catalog. I’m never NOT going to promote these guys and I know y’all are tired of it but they mean a literal shit ton to me and I NEED everyone to know their music and recognize their brilliance. They’re better than Ryan Adams, and all the other sad bastards of folk...and they’re complete and total sweethearts who really give a damn about their fans. I will not rest until I’ve told the entire world about Andy Baxter and Kyle Jahnke and that’s that about that. You can find a playlist of their entire catalog of music songs here. I listed them in order of release...and I recommend listening to them that way. At least for the first listen. But be prepared to be hooked because they’re addictive. 

50. Free Slot! Any Song You Want To Share: I feel like you just had me create a playlist for you...And I’m totally OK with it. But I can tell you that...the song Green Eyes by Joseph will be featured in a forthcoming work of mine...The chapter has already been written...I just need time to finish the chapters before it. I guess this is a spoiler for the fic...but it isn’t really because if you know anything about my #1 ship...you know where I want it to go...and this song, is perfect for it. 

Goodness Kenz...I hope this was what you were expecting because I feel like I wrote you a book. 

Thanks for asking me for all of these songs...You know I love talking about my favorite musics. And I hope there are some songs that you just fall in love with here. I’d love to hear about it if you do. Hope you’re well.

Love you!

[inheritorofmemories-archive]

Twitter is not a good place and I have opinions.

Okay so, just visited Twitter to see how they like The Old Guard and please remind to never go there for anything more than artist’s posts and memes.

(This is more of a rant than a cohesive explanation of my thoughts but I won’t lose my time on Twitter for that and I still need to talk about it, so we’re here. Okay, here goes-)

Of course spoiler warning for the whole movie.

"it's bad, it's not creative, it's boring, there's no story apart from bad guys pharma and good guys mercenaries."

Did we watch the same movie?? It's like those Mad Max Fury Road reviews who kept saying "they leave and come back, no plot har har I’m very funny" when the whole point of the movie is about staying where you live and make this place better, not abandoning it because you risk abandoning your true self with the land (amongst other things the movies tries to say).

Yeah maybe the story is a bit seen, pharma and all. But the whole plot revolve around the Old Guards and their emotions. It's about a tired warrior finding hope, and a young immortal finding her place, and how to deal with loss and grief and solitude, it's about finding purpose in helping other because that's what human do, help each other. It's a lot more than fight scenes and bad pharma (which, maybe it's an old trope but it's still very true to this day, please keep portraying pharma CEO as comically bad because they are!)

It's like men can't understand a story unless there's lots of death and unnecessary trauma. Can't you enjoy a story about found family and hope and kindness for one another like everyone else?

Here are the critics I saw, and why I think it’s bullshit, point by point because I’m petty like that:

The characters are flat and two dimensional: I mean, no? Sure, Joe and Nicky are not the center of attention, and we see Booker tired and a traitor, and the human ones are bit glossed over (though we see enough to understand them, Copley and his wife, the scientist that thinks she’s helping humanity, etc.), but Andy and Nile are fully developed? What else do you need?

Andy is a very old, very tired immortal that has a very complicated past (that we see a lot of) and her motivations, state of mind and thoughts are well explained (they all say she’s old, and tired, we know about Quynh; hell, Andy’s first line is about that) and we know she lost purpose, and she finds it within the film! She changes! Her character evolves in interactions to other but mostly Nile. Speaking of her- i know I’m repeating myself but what else do you need to consider a character not flat? She loves her family but doesn’t run to them because she’s not an idiot. She’s a fighter, a marine, a very competent one at that, but she still gets scared by being an immortal, she asks questions, she’s compassionate, she feels! All while being a bad ass fighter. She has agency, makes her own choices and choose her way, she has motivation and she know what she brings to the team and is not afraid of saying her thoughts and needs.

And even Booker and Nicky and Joe have full character, even if shown less. We have Booker’s back story, and we know he cares a lot despite all his hurt (he says he did it to help Andy die, which was still wrong and selfish, but he was genuinely trying to do something because he hurt so much). Nicky and Joe have a softer side, and sure it’s mostly conveyed through their own love story but they hug the other Guards and Nicky brings food for Andy and Joe jokes around (still thinking about that “faster than the elevator” line). Yeah it’s not a deep character study but it’s more than about half action movies today, and it’s enough in the story to make me care about all of them, even Copley. Although a lot of that may come form the actors too.

The fights scenes are bad: apparently they’re boring and do not do justice to the comics. I can’t speak for the last one, but boring? Again, did we watch the same movie? Yeah, there’s no big explosions and fire everywhere and collapsing buildings, but they’re not boring. I’m sorry my tastes are superior but I’d rather be shown the talents of a covert team of immortal warriors though discretion and efficiency. Why would they need explosions when they can juggle swords, axes, rifles and guns so smoothly you don’t even see a shift in their stance? See first fight in South Sudan. Why would I need collapsing buildings when I can have a team of fighters swapping weapons together like nothing? That scene at Merricks’s building where they all reload and change guns and the camera turns around and panel over all of them? That was dope and a very creative way to show how smooth they work together (with Nile added! So way to go to show the new group dynamics.) through a smooth and continuous camera movement. I could go on, but where did you see the boring fight scene. Yes there’s no cool lights and tricks a la John Wick, but if it did they would have complained it was a rip off, so...

The cinematography is bad: Just because it’s more understated doesn’t mean it’s bad. Yes, there’s no neon lights or cool shots like other might have (looking at you John Wick, since everyone seems to compare the two movie) but it serves the story. It’s because it’s so simple visually that you can get into the feelings and story. You don’t look at the light, you look at the actions and the faces. And honestly, I think it suits the Guards better. They look timeless, they fit in everywhere. A photography that’s striped down to the necessary only serves the story. I don’t see them in safe houses with a bunch of lights and modern furniture, just like I don’t see expensive shots and over the top choreography for them. As I said, they’re a covert team, they’re smooth and efficient, I like that the photography align on that and show them in simple shots.

tl;dr: Just because it’s simple doesn't mean it’s bad, sometimes that's what you need to work with the story and its characters and themes.

Not enough story and too much nothing to fill in: I mean, they die 12 minutes in, you get all the stakes, antagonist and themes in like 20 minutes, what else do you need? There’s break in the actions to expose plot and concept, but it never feels wrong or too much of a info dump, it’s fluid and natural because we’re following Nile into the immortal world.

Bad Pharma is Bad: Yeah, let’s talk about that. (Cautions, purely opinions, no real arguments to change someone’s mind here) I don’t care if it’s cliché, not when pharma in the US keep rising the price of Insulin every month, not when pharma all over the world send their faulty medicine to third world country because there’s no one that cares enough there, not when you know they purposefully don’t finance HIV researches because triple therapy gets them a lot of money, not when you hear about the experimentation and how they get their resources and literally everything that I’m not getting into right now. Who cares if they’re show as bad people once again, they are! You think CEO care about anything but money? If it feels wrong in the movie it’s because it is wrong.

Tell me no one in our world would kidnap and torture immortals to find their power. And don’t talk to me about bad representation of CEO and exceptions, I don’t care. One exception doesn’t make all the other suddenly better or worth the wrong they’re doing. So yeah, give me more cliché good guys fight bad CEO, I love it.

They did not use their concept enough: Again, where? To me, they did all they could with that concept, you get all the things you can only get with the concept, interesting and fun one. They are still afraid of dying one day, and even if they’re not (i.e. Andy or Booker) their brand of immortality doesn’t mean they’re not afraid of being captured: the Quynh scene happens literally just before Nicky and Joe are kidnapped exposing us the stake of being immortal, talk about good script work, right? Talking about fun trope: you have the millennium old couple that use to kill each other but now love each other, the classic ennemies to lovers we all love, you have the strategy of using your immortality to your advantage and destabilize your opponent: Nile walking into Merrick’s building and getting herself killed on purpose only to stand again and use the guard’s shock and lack of preparation against them, you have the fun references to real historical figures that comes with immortality: Rodin, Napoleon, etc...

I’ll link to this video I found that talks about this better than me, but basically, they did use their concept, a lot, and well.

The music: I can’t really say anything about that one. Maybe you don’t like the style they used, and that’s fair. To each their own. But it wasn’t too much like other Netflix’s movie (Looking at you 6 Underground. Four (4) song of the same artist in one movie?) but again, it’s Netflix, they use modern songs in their soudtracks, you should expect it. I didn’t bother with the lyrics accuracy to the actions, but each time the music fit well in tune and mood of the scene. And the actual score made for the movie was really good, not too much but still supported the actions and dialogues on screen like it should.

And my favorite yet, we’ve already seen it. I don’t have any smart answer to that apart from I’m sorry you’re a cishet, but found family is the superior trope and I hope you can one day see it too. Who cares if we’ve already seen it, it’s a different flavor! It’s no X-Men flavor, it’s Old Guard flavor and I love it. Have you heard of the Hero’s Journey? How Lord of the Ring, Star Wars and Harry Potter all have the basic same plot? And yet you can like all three of them for different reasons? Because they’re not the same flavors? Well, apply that to the immortal group of fighters and enjoy it.

Okay, that’s most of my thoughts on the film for now, but to make it short: it’s good and those people can’t appreciate good things that are more feelings and humanity than fist fights and nihilism. How dare a movie say we’re good and need each other and not end in a pathetic discovery that all the word deserves to burn.

[ohwordthatswild]

Not bout to act like grown men wasn’t political activist for the pussy last summer. I’m forever bringing that shit up till I die.

Not bout to act like grown men weren’t also using that window of when ppl realized they were in unhealthy situations “toxic” and y’all became counselors for the pussy.

Nah son cuz deadass I can’t forget how y’all became Warren fucking Buffett when we got the stimmy and the weekly 600. Y’all were deadass telling ppl how to start a business when niggas was leasing foreigns.

Like it’s mad shit niggas did over the pandemic summer and I wonder what’s worse the fucking virus or niggas actions 😂😂😂.

Nah can’t ever forget the onlyfans come up now it’s looking like livemixtapes and datpiff.com with the links in the bio juhurd.

Nahhhhhh we can’t act like Paul George becoming a whole meme wasn’t the funniest shit ever. Called that man Pandemic P!!😩😩😂😭😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂