#I’m not gonna count them lol. no reason to put myself thru that

[orcelito]

The amount of quality looking fic that I can’t read yet Bc they have major royal spoilers & I haven’t played the third semester yet.... is Really building up

Really, I should just play it instead of reading fic all the time, but Eh

[retrievablememories]

the second time around | jaehyun

title: the second time around pairing: jaehyun x reader genre: fluff, some angst request: “Hi! Here’s a suggestion for a story or add-on to another story you wrote. I really liked moonlight w/ jaehyun! Could you do a follow up with him not seeing her for awhile and him (and her secretly) being pissed about it but wants to reconnect with her but outside of being a customer. Ty and keep up the good work with your writing.” word count: 2.9k warnings: a couple mentions of sex a/n: hmm...the sequel to moonlight...sequels are scary to write but here we are lol. this could’ve been posted last sunday really but i’ve been stalling oof

Despite getting Jaehyun’s number after that night at the strip club, you’ve seen and heard a lot less of him than you’d like. On his end, Jaehyun isn’t so pleased about losing touch either, but you wouldn’t know that with the lack of communication.

Both of you are ultimately busy with your own lives, and it’s not like he can just drop in whenever he wants to visit you. Not just because he’s busy, but also because of where you work. The men keep their visits to the club on a once-a-month basis for a reason—to avoid tipping off any stalkers who’d find out and leak their whereabouts.

You’ve texted each other a few times since your first meeting, and you enjoyed the conversations you got to have within that timespan, but the time between responses kept getting longer—on both of your ends—until things eventually dropped off.

You were unhappy about this, though you tried not to be so obvious about it to the other girls. Getting attached to customers was not a good look. Even if they were handsome and nice and had good dick.

However, Anya was the first to notice your slightly sour mood despite your best efforts to project an unphased demeanor. And, being her usual nosy self, she managed to pry it out of you before you could even think about denying it.

“Don’t stress about it,” she’d told you on the night you finally spilled the beans. She’d wrapped her arms around your shoulders and tipped your chin up, making you hold your head up higher and look at yourself in the mirror reflection facing you. “There will be many more men where he came from. And if you don’t wanna deal with any more men right now, that’s fine too. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, anyway.”

“I’m not stressing over it,” you’d argued, sighing. “We don’t stress over men who aren’t boyfriends, remember?”

Anya grinned then, though you could tell it was the kind of smile you give when a friend is doing something they shouldn’t be—or indulging in something they think is good for them when it’s not. “Duh. But you might wanna start following your own advice if you’re gonna be dishing it out!” And then she’d gone off to do her own thing, probably to finish getting ready for her set later that night or to go bother one of her favorite bartenders.

You’d looked at yourself in the mirror more closely, frowning at the truthfulness of her statement and wishing you had not been quite so easy to read. You’d had a show right after that, which allowed you to take your mind off the mess for at least a few hours. But in the small moments when you weren’t thinking about work or school or anything else you had to do, Jaehyun crept back into your mind like a specter, wanting you to acknowledge him even though you weren’t getting the same.

When you head out to the parking lot after a particularly long night, you slow your steps when you see a man leaning against his car, his cap pulled over his eyes and his head low. In any other scenario, you probably would’ve alerted one of the bouncers, thinking he was some creep waiting until after your stage to try to corner you in a shady area. However, you hold off on calling anybody because you can clearly recognize him even if he thinks he’s being inconspicuous—it’s Jaehyun.

He lifts his head when he hears your shoes on the ground, and his lips turn up into something of a smile.

“If you wanted another dance, you’re a bit late. We just closed,” you say jokingly, raising an eyebrow at him. Jaehyun shakes his head.

“Tempting idea, but that’s not what I came here for.” He turns to face you fully now, observing you in your casual, after-work clothes. In the back of your mind, you realize this is the first time he’s seen you outside the context of performing. Then he sighs. “It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

“I know.” Your familiar irritation rises again. Sure, maybe him coming to see you or you going to see him more often isn’t feasible. A text or a call, though...would be decidedly less effort, and not difficult to do. You’re not sure whether to be more irritated with him or yourself about not trying to reach out again, though you decide to aim your annoyance at him just because you can.

Jaehyun nods to your agreement. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine,” you say. “Work is...work. It has its ups and downs. How are you? Busy with the idol life?”

Jaehyun sighs. “Yeah...it just gets…stressful sometimes.” He bites his lip and shakes his head, seeming bothered about whatever’s going on with his job but not wanting to say much more about it.

“I’m sure,” you respond, and you don’t really know what to say afterwards. It’s been a while since either of you talked, and it’s strangely hard to try to pick up where you left off as if nothing happened. Jaehyun realizes this, too, and appears distressed at not knowing how to keep the conversation going with you—and possibly wasting your time.

You nod to yourself and shift on your feet. “Well, the Uber will probably be here soon, so—”

“I don’t know what things will look like between us, but I don’t want us to fall out of contact again,” Jaehyun blurts out, then winces. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just...don’t want either of us to leave before we...sort this out, I guess.”

You think to yourself, wondering if this is really worth trying to pursue. You’ve yet to deal with a man with the level of fame that Jaehyun has, yet with such a strict image to keep, which makes things exponentially more complicated. But despite your apprehension, you still want to know where this could lead. After a moment, you say, “Well, if you’re willing...I’d like the same.”

Jaehyun nods and stands up a little straighter, like that response just gave him the energy he needed. “Do you wanna….go somewhere? Just to like, hang out.” His proposition is abrupt, and you didn’t expect it. 

“Now?” You check your phone, and it’s 18 minutes past 2 a.m. There aren’t too many places that will still be open at this hour, other than establishments similar to your line of work, but you aren’t in the mood for any more of that tonight. Your driver, too, is only a few minutes away, but you already find yourself with your finger hovering over the Cancel button. “We could.”

Jaehyun goes around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for you. You get into his car, noting its sleek interior. Once he gets in, he asks you what you want to hear, and you notice he’s looking through his Spotify. You shrug.

“I don’t know. Show me something you like,” you say. You cringe at sounding so disinterested, which makes you realize you might just be a little more upset about being ghosted than you thought you were. You almost want to curse at how this dude is taking you off your usual game. “I mean, I like hearing new music anyway, so…”

Jaehyun starts the car and grins slightly. “Alright, then let me show you the best of the best…” You both end up listening and vibing to a playlist he’s made, which is good. Not that you didn’t expect it to be, but you end up liking most of the songs he shows you, which usually doesn’t happen with other people’s playlists.

Jaehyun ends up taking you to an ice cream place that’s still open this late, to your surprise. The sitting area inside the store is closed, though they’ve kept the drive-thru open for late-night travelers like yourselves who want a quick treat. You don’t question it, though; you definitely won’t pass up a chance for some ice cream.

You end up eating the ice cream while sitting in his car and listening to the rest of his playlist. Neither of you say much other than commenting on the songs or talking about your favorite ice cream flavors or making other non-committal small talk. You kind of prefer it this way, at least for the moment—just listening to the music and watching the headlights and taillights of cars that pass by.

You and Jaehyun ride around the city for a while longer after finishing the ice cream, not intending to go anywhere in particular but just coasting on the highways. It might be an excuse to keep listening to this new playlist he’s put on, or maybe more reason to pretend that awkward period between you never happened. Acknowledging it in a way, but not speaking any life into it. 

Eventually, though, it has to arise back to the surface. Jaehyun taps his fingers against the steering wheel at a red light, like he’s impatient to get somewhere, and you wonder what he’s feeling until he comes out and says,

“I think it was...ultimately my fault for not contacting you more. Or not trying to stay in contact.”

The words hang in the air for a moment. “Well, I won’t argue with that,” you finally respond.

“It’s just hard to get close to anyone and be an idol at the same time. Sometimes I sabotage myself when I shouldn’t, and…” He trails off, though you don’t know whether he’s searching for the words or has decided to leave his sentence at that.

“You’d rather not be embarrassed by dating a stripper, or something along those lines?” Your tone is nonchalant, though you’re a little bothered by saying it. He wouldn’t be the first or the last person to feel some type of way about your job, though you’ve mostly gotten used to the judgment at this point.

Jaehyun seems a bit startled by the statement. “If you like doing it, then I don’t care what you do. You should live your life however you want to.”

“I see,” you say slowly. “Most men I meet outside of the club are not receptive to it, so you ain’t gotta lie if you feel some other way about it, seriously...”

“I’m serious,” he insists. “You told me that day that you liked it, and I believed you. I just think...we should all be able to do things we enjoy without worrying about what others think of it.”

Jaehyun turns to look at you for a moment, and his features are lit up by the street light as it turns green. His face, which is simultaneously painted with shadows and glowing with light, appears to be just as genuine as he sounds. Or maybe this late-night atmosphere just has you feeling more receptive and sentimental than usual. Then he broaches the next subject carefully, steering you back to where the conversation began. “You didn’t text me anymore, either.”

“I figured you’d moved on or something, maybe started talking to someone else…” you reply. “And, you know, if that was the case...so be it. There wouldn’t be a point to chasing someone who wasn’t interested anymore.”

“I am interested.” Jaehyun rushes the words out, like he’s eager to dispel the uncertainty before you get the wrong idea; not that that hasn’t already happened, but still. It isn’t too late to change your mind. “I want to like, know you as a person...not just while being a customer at the club, or something like that.”

You nod, looking at your hands and considering his words. “We can do that...yeah, we can.” Then you hold your hand out to him, a grin playing on your lips. “Nice to meet you, then. I’m Y/N.”

He smiles too, and takes your hand in one of his. “I’m Jaehyun.”

The conversation after that seems to reach a turning point, like somehow you’ve broken the ice and can finally talk to each other on a deeper level without worrying about the issue that’s been lingering over your heads all night. You think you could talk to him like this for hours if you wanted to, if there was enough time in the world for it. 

Unfortunately, though, you don’t have as much time as you’d like, and once it starts edging on 4 AM, you both decide it’s probably best to call it a night. Jaehyun takes you back to your apartment after you tell him where it is.

He parks in front of the apartment complex, and you’re prepared to thank him for the night and get out, but he insists on walking you up to your apartment—something about it being too dangerous for women to walk alone at night.

“It’s not that far.” You laugh, but you aren’t going to argue about it if it means getting a few more moments with him.

Jaehyun follows you up the steps after you both get out of the car. You walk a little slower to prolong the moment, but eventually you have to get up to your apartment door. You also take your time with taking your keys out of your bag and putting them in the lock. And maybe you’re not as slick as you thought, because Jaehyun notices. He laughs quietly behind you, but the sound isn’t low enough to escape your hearing.

You turn around to look at him, your hand on the doorknob. “Well, I guess that’s it. Thanks for the ride...and for the ice cream, you know.”

He nods, and one of his dimples pokes out. “You didn’t have to entertain me tonight, but I’m glad you did...so, thanks.”

Both of you linger in your doorway for a few more moments. Jaehyun wants to come in, and you know it, but you also know he probably won’t say it because he technically shouldn’t. His members are expecting him back at the dorm. He doesn’t want to impose, and he didn’t even bring any extra clothes. But you know he wants to come in, and you want it, too.

You tilt your head to the side. “Would it be bad if I asked you to stay?” you say tentatively.

A slow smile spreads on his face. “No, it wouldn’t.”

You open the door wider so he can step inside and take his shoes off at the entrance. You lead him to your living room by the hand. “What do you wanna do?” you ask, looking at him imploringly. You want to be sure you’re both on the same page concerning your intentions.

“Whatever you wanna do,” he echoes, holding your hand a bit tighter. You expect to see lust or some similar desire in his expression and had already figured you might end up having sex again tonight, but his eyes expect nothing from you. He only smiles in the dim light of your apartment and waits for you to make the next move.

You laugh, and it comes out as an airy chuckle. “Well, then...I want to lay down. It’s been a long day.” From your tone, Jaehyun understands that you really just want to lie down and not think about much of anything else right now. He follows you when you lead him into your bedroom and sits patiently on your bed while you go to the bathroom to change into your night clothes. You’re thankful you already took a shower at the club, because you’re not sure you’d have the energy to do all that now.

He’s taken his jeans off when you come back into the room, though he still keeps his shirt on. You get onto the bed and lean over him, hooking your finger into the collar of his shirt, and he looks up at you. “You can take this off if you want, I don’t care.”

“Is this you saying you want to see me shirtless?” He grins, though he readily takes the invitation and pulls his shirt off, placing it to the side along with his pants.

You shake your head good-naturedly, a smile on your face. “I promise it’s innocent…but the view never hurts.”

You peel the sheets back and you both climb underneath them, lying across from each other and looking at each other like you want to say something more but aren’t sure what. There isn’t much light in the room except for the street lights coming from your bedroom window, muted slightly by the blinds.

Jaehyun laughs suddenly, breaking the silence, and you do the same. You’re not sure why either of you are laughing, but you do so anyway, simply enjoying the moment for what it is. After your laughter dies down, he takes your hand from where it’s resting on the pillow and slips his pinky around yours. “I’ll try not to lose you this time.”

You lean a little closer to his face so you can plant a kiss on his lips—just a short and soft touch. He tastes like ice cream, and somehow you know there will be many more kisses like this in the future. “You better not.”

[emersonfreepress]

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

[trensu]

Episode 7: The One where At Last LWJ Sees the Light

We’re still in the cave of wonders, guys, and lan yi is doing plot exposition so we’re gonna skip that

Once Lan Yi is done laying down Plot, we have this cute exchange

Lwj: elder, as your descendent i pinky promise to complete this Super Important Mission 

Wwx: oh, same, me too!

Lwj: this is a LAN FAMILY MATTER and none of your business

Wwx: YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM HELPING

Wwx: and besides, since my grandmaster was besties with your ancestor that means that it’s practically my family matter too, so there

YOU’RE ALSO MARRIED NOW GUYS, REMEMBER, SO IT’S A FAMILY MATTER EITHER WAY

And now, drumroll please…

Our beautiful boys tumble out of the cave of wonders (while still tied together!!) and crash land onto the ground, with wwx oh so conveniently sprawled on top of lwj

THAT’S RIGHT GUYS

IT’S THAT TROPE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Lol lwj’s stunned face here

Wwx: I DIDN’T MEAN TO FALL ON YOU…! Oh hi jiang cheng

yep, jc’s here to ruin the moment (i love you jc, but you have horrible timing)

Wwx is so happy to see his brother, he greets him immediately and completely forgets about the fact that he and lwj are in a…compromising position

It’s adorable, really

Lwj: *glares with every ounce of Repressed Gay Rage in his body* GET UP RIGHT NOW.

Wwx: oh, right sure *totally unruffled bc he is shameless*

At this point we cut to the next scene which is still in the same place and with the same characters but now lwj has his ribbon back on his forehead

Ngl i’m kinda bummed we didn’t see him untie their wrists

It would’ve been hilarious since jc and wen qing wouldve been watching it all happen lol

like, i’m just picturing wq and jc being awkwardly silent as lwj unravels his ribbon from wwx’s wrist. wwx’s eyes would ofc be glued on lwj and he’d be babbling some inane thing or another

but we didn’t get that. oh well.

Oh, and here we find out that lwj and wwx were in that cave for one day and one night

Now that lwj is all put together again, we see wwx, jc, and wq have a conversation that i think counts as a wangxian moment

Jc and wq both start throwing questions at our boys about where they’ve been and what they were doing and all that

Lwj looks very uncomfortable about all the questions.

Lans don’t lie (supposedly; lwj is such a stickler at this point in his life he def doesn’t lie)

So wwx swoops in to ~rescue~ him!!

He answers all the questions by lying thru his teeth: oh yeah, we got lost and trapped and swam for hours and hours in an underground, waterlogged maze that definitely exists before we finally found a way out!! I almost froze to death (he says with a whine bc that’s just how he is lol)

Once he finishes answering all those questions he turns to share THE CUTEST LITTLE SECRET SMILE WITH LWJ. SO ADORABLE GUYS, HOW IS HE REAL

Lwj sees it and HAS TO LOOK AWAY

I CAN’T EVEN BLAME HIM BC IF WWX SMILED AT ME LIKE THAT (WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE BEAUTY MARK IN FULL VIEW!!) I WOULD’VE DIED.

JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND DEAD.

IT’S TOO MUCH, IT’S TOO MUCH

Now we cut to a Plot Heavy Scene, featuring our boys and lxc and lqr, that is not relevant to this post at all EXCEPT I HAVE TO SAY OH GOD, LWJ LOOKS SO BABY-FACED HERE?? HOW?? HIS LITTLE FACE LOOKS ALL ROUNDED AND SOFT AND HIS LIPS ARE ALL POUTY. HE’S BEBY. I JUST WANT TO WRAP HIM UP IN BLANKETS AND GIVE HIM HOT CHOCOLATE

More plot discussion happens and whatever they’re talking about makes wwx bump shoulders with lwj and call him “my confidant” AKA MY SOULMATE AHHHHHHH

OH WAIT, do you know what else is important about this scene?

It shows how much taller wwx is than lwj!!! And I LOVE IT.

Lwj’s shoulders are a good two inches lower than wwx’s

WHY ISN’T THERE MORE FIC/ART SHOWING THIS??

I MEAN, THE STOIC SOLEMN CHARACTER IS SMOL AND THE SUNSHINEY CHARACTER IS GIANT. IT’S SUCH GREAT COMBINATION!!!

I think ppl in the cultivation world probs don’t realize how short lwj is bc he gives off such an intimidating aura i’m so jealous; i need to get myself an intimidating aura

Blah blah more plot, wwx promises not to tell anybody anything about the plot blah blah

Right after that, they bump into nhs who’s like, hey you guys were gone all night did anything weird happen?? (this is the guy who sneaks porn into this place on the regular, i’m pretty sure we all know what he means by “weird”)

Wwx: oooh, yeah, this super weird thing happened, let me tell you all about it

Lwj: *whips around to stare at wwx likE OMG SRSLY YOU JUST SAID YOU’D KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT*

Wwx: *proceeds to tell nhs a spooky lie about meeting a demon snake*

Nhs: *flees in terror bc he thinks snakes are scary for some reason* (they’re not, snakes are def cute critters)

Lwj: *exasperatedly rolls his eyes at wwx’s frankly amazing story-telling skills*

AND HERE WE GET TO SEE THE FIRST TIME LWJ STARES LONGINGLY AT WWX. LWJ, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR MAIN HOBBY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

Wwx runs after his brother and slings a playful arm around his shoulders and walks away without a second glance to lwj

Lwj stares soulfully at him, def noticing that wwx didn’t spare him a second look (poor bb lwj)

After a moment of Soulful Staring, his lips part as he lowers his gaze to the ground and decisively turns and walks off

INTERNALLY HE’S LIKE OFC WWX WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH ME SINCE I’M ALL STOIC AND REPRESSED BUT THAT’S FINE, IDC, I DIDN’T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM ANYWAY

POOR LWJ!! DOESN’T THIS MAKE YOUR HEART TWINGE???

Even more plot stuff happens

But they make it worth the wait because now we get to…

THE LANTERN SCENE (PART 1)

YES, YOU HEARD RIGHT.

WWX: lwj, we should set off a lantern and make a wish together since we’ve been thru so much together now

LWJ: *pulls a batman* I work alone 

WWXX: habits change!! Besides, i made this lantern specially for you~! *shows drawing of magic cave bunny on the lantern*

HERE WE GO GUYS, OMG, IT’S HAPPENING

Lwj looks at the lantern and, just, his face, ahhh, LWJ’S ENTIRE FACE GOES SOFT AND WE SEE HIM SMILE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE SERIES

FIRST!!

TIME!!

EVER!!!

AND IT ONLY TOOK 7 EPISODES!!

I’M DYING I’M D Y I N G

HIS LIPS PART AND THE SMILE JUST GENTLY BLOOMS ON HIS FACE, ILLUMINATING IT SOFTLY LIKE A FUCKING SUNRISE OR SMTH

FUCK IT’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL IT’S MAKING ME POETIC

GAHHH

NO WONDER HE NEVER SMILES

THAT SMILE COULD KILL PEOPLE IN THE BEST WAY

Ofc wwx has to ruin the moment by giggling at him and saying “hey you’re smiling!!”

Okay, guys, you know and I know that wwx is giggling from joy. Like yay!! I made lan zhan smile!! I did a Good Thing!!!

He is genuinely tickled pink about making his soulmate happy!

But remember, LWJ is the King of Repressed Gays here. So, you know, the laughter in his ears sounds mocking. Because he’s a dumb boy who can’t Emotion well yet.

LWJ reacts to the giggles by immediately grabbing his sword which startles wwx into stumbling back into the group behind him and the mood is effectively ruined

But just for a little bit!!

Then ~THEIR SONG~ starts playing in the background AND THEY SEND OFF THEIR LANTERN TOGETHER, WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT GENERALLY ONLY ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED COUPLES DO 

as is shown by how everyone’s trying to get jyl and jzx (aka our token heteros) to send off a lantern together

The pair of them, need i remind you, are currently betrothed (even tho that dumb peacock doesn’t deserve her)

so yeah, that’s totally not gay at all

WWX makes his wish: “I wish to always stand with justice and live without regrets”

THIS IS IT, THIS IS THE MOMENT. 

THIS IS WHEN LWJ FALLS IN LOVE, I SWEAR

LWJ is watching wwx as he’s making that wish (more of an oath, really), and as soon as he hears those words, his eyes widen the way they do when someone gets hit with a life-altering realization. He’s completely thunderstruck 

IT’S NOT SUBTLE GUYS

YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE CUPID’S ARROW STICKING OUT OF HIS CHEST (OR WHATEVER ANCIENT FANTASY CHINA EQUIVALENT THERE IS)

THAT’S IT. HE’S A GONER. THERE’S NO ONE ELSE FOR HIM NOW. NO ONE BUT WWX.

For real tho, after this moment, we really don’t see lwj be angry towards wwx like he has been. Annoyed and exasperated at him, sure, but never angry in a petty mean way like before.

It’s beautiful

The next wangxian moment isn’t nearly as intense but it happens shortly after the lantern scene

Wwx goes to beat the shit out of jzx for saying he doesn’t want to marry jyl (because jzx is a moron and definitely deserves a beat down for this insult)

Wwx and jzx are surrounded by a group of loud, flailing people

And lwj just dives right into that throng of people to get to wwx (contrast this to a scene in a later episode where he actively avoids going anywhere near a much calmer, collected group of people bc ew people)

Lwj: *grabs at wwx* stop, wei ying

Wwx: DON’T STOP ME, LAN ZHAN, IM GONNA KILL THIS GUY DEAD IS2G

Next wangxian scene takes place the following morning

Lwj is walking along minding his own business and sees wwx kneeling as punishment for the fight before

He approaches him and calls out to him.

THIS IS IMPORTANT

This is the first time we see him willingly initiate interaction with wwx. Every other time, wwx was the one to approach him first and start to pester him for attention.

BUT LOL JOKE’S ON HIM. THE FIRST TIME HE DARES TO APPROACH WWX FIRST AND HE IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT

‘Oh hey lan zhan’ wwx responds to LWJ. ‘look at all these little ants i found on the ground!!’

‘OMG WWX YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE KNEELING TO REFLECT ON YOUR MISDEEDS NOT TO PLAY WITH ANTS. SO UNTEACHABLE’ *walks off in a huff*

Wwx is left pouting and saying ‘but the ants are so cute.’

I’M SORRY WHAT??

WHAT DID YOU SAY WWX?? ANTS ARE CUTE??

ANTS ARE NOT CUTE. 

YOU, WWX, YOU ARE CUTE. ANTS ARE NOT. 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

(i just really hate insects, guys, i would not get near them even if wwx was the one holding them)

(okay, maybe if wwx was holding them, i’d try to get near them, but idk how successful i’d be)

Blah blah more plot stuff happens, blah jin “can’t keep it in my pants* guangshan exists now blah blah 

Alright so now we have the jiang clan saying their goodbyes to the lan clan since i guess Ancient Fantasy China summer school is over maybe??? Idk, point is they gotta leave. 

As they leave, wwx starts to whisper at lwj “lan zhan, lan zhan, about that Plot Device…”

But gets tugged away by his fam, HOWEVER he manages to hear lxc telling lwj to be careful in that foreboding Important Plot Things Are Afoot sort of way

And wwx makes the effort to go back to talk to lwj but jc grabs him and yanks him out by the arm

Jc: are you crazy?? That guy hates you!! He must be happy you’re leaving

Wwx: LIES AND SLANDER, everyone here LOVES me

Idk about everyone, but lwj definitely loves him and jc knows nothing

now it’s THE RETURN OF WINGMAN LXC

The lan bros are watching the yunmeng sibs leave

Lxc: gosh, it’s gonna be quiet here without him, huh? (HIM, HE SAYS, NOT ‘THEM,’ HIM! BC HE TOTALLY KNOWS WHO LWJ IS ACTUALLY WATCHING)

Lwj: *looks down to the floor and refuses to answer*

Lxc: soooo…r u gonna tell him about your Super Important Mission?

Lwj: no. *walks away*

Jeez, he walks off on his big brother a lot, doesn’t he?? Rude. didn’t your parents teach you any manners? Oh wait that was an awful joke and i’m a terrible person, SORRY LWJ

AHHHHHHHHHHH WWX WITH THE BUNNIES!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Wwx: *holding a bunny* Bunny, are you gonna be happy hiding here??

Wwx: *pretending to be the bunny* Happy!! 

GUYS THIS SCENE IS JUST TOO CUTE FOR WORDS. 

I REWOUND AND WATCHED IT LIKE, 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE CUTENESS WAS JUST UGH I COULDN’T RESIST. 

HIS VOICE GOES ALL HIGH PITCHED THE WAY IT DOES WHEN YOU MAKE VOICES FOR YOUR PETS!! IT’S ADORABLE AHHHHH I DIE, I DIE

Wwx: maybe i should take you back to lotus pier with me…?

Wwx: hmm, no, i can’t do that. What if lan zhan gets lonely and comes here looking for you? He won’t be able to find you!!

This is literally what wwx said. Like, that was the deciding factor for not taking the bunny home. 

Lan zhan might get lonely. HOW SWEET IS HE. WWX, THE SWEETEST BOY, WHO’S SO IN LOVE AND DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT YET

Then as he’s bonding with the bunny he gets the epiphany that OMG LWJ IS GOING ON THAT SUPER IMPORTANT MISSION ALONE, WITHOUT HIM

And that’s the end of that episode. 

but we got to see the EXACT MOMENT LWJ falls in love for real. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. Not to mention the we were gifted the accidentally-falling-on-top-of-each-other trope. 

and we got bunnies! did i mention the bunnies and wwx being adorable together? because that happened.

Ah, this is the show that just gives and gives *wipes away tears* what did we do to deserve it?

Return to Masterpost

[diteach]

2020 in review

I was tagged by @apeironaxiomaton to look back at 2020 and pretty much to try and not hate it so much! Thank you!!

Also I’m stealing the idea of putting everything under a cut, which I have never done in my life (and probably should start doing) bc it makes things neat as heck. Almost none of these are in a particular order.

Top 5 movies I saw this year:

Volevo Nascondermi by Giorgio Diritti - this movie is REALLY good AND I have good memories tied to the protagonist for Reasons I’m gonna cry bye (a shame that I’ve only watched this other excellent movie starring Elio Germano tonight bc it should be on this list)

Emma (2020)

The King’s Speech

Spirited Away or Porco Rosso - I had watched the first before and never the second so I think the fairer choice would be Porco Rosso but I’m not entirely convinced of it

The Wolf of Wall Street - look, I simply have a weak spot for stories that are so absurd they can be nothing but real (see “the other Elio Germano movie”)

Top 5 TV shows I watched this year:

Murdoch Mysteries - it will stay engraved in the first place of EVERY chart in saecula saeculorum and NO nothing can take its place I don’t care

Peaky Blinders

Alias Grace - which I was sure was a movie? I was so shocked to discover it isn’t like was it really six hours long what the

The Queen’s Gambit

Suburra: Blood on Rome - “The series was developed by Daniele Cesarano and Barbara Petronio for Netflix, making it its first Italian-language original television series.” I’ll be honest, some bits were a little bit hmm-inducing. Not the best tv series I’ve ever seen, but it managed to be fun and easy to watch. Suspenseful even!

Top 5 Songs:

So there’s a reason why Spotify said I’m an octogenarian this year and for as much as I complain about it... it’s right... Spotify’s right. And it will only get worse, I’m afraid. All the songs are from the same playlist which was my most listened to (and is the most interesting to share imo). I swear I have listened to other, newer things as well.

Shake That Thing by The Abe Lyman’s California Orchestra

Night Hawk Blues by The Coon-Sander’s Nighthawk Original Orchestra

Where the Sweet Forget-Me-Nots Remember by Merle Johnston and His Ceco Couriers (I’ve loved these flowers since I was a kid it was so nice to find a song with them in the title!!)

Dew Dew Dewey Day by Nat Shilkret

The Panic is On by Mezz Mezzrow And His Swing Band

Top 5 Books I Read This Year:

so this is embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I “bought” an insane amount of books and read a grand total of...like...t w o. It was actually like four and some short stories (which I hated and are therefore banished from the good boy list) so I’m gonna list my silly little titles and make my silly little comments about them all. From “””””best””””” to “worst” we have:

The Adventures of a Modest Man by Robert W. Chambers - I literally cannot shut up about this book and, yes, it is the one tied to this illustration, about which I equally cannot shut up about. It’s so horrible that it makes a 360 and comes back as good, but not before hitting you with a cardboard tube for a laugh and subsequently stabbing you in the kidneys just because it can. I think we can confidently state that we are in the “I didn’t say it was good, I said I liked it” realm. I have so many questions about this book. Why was it written? Was it taking itself seriously? Was it commissioned by someone? Why is it so gay but only if you know that the author is a man? Maybe it’s a parody? Was it an experiment made by the author to test his own skill? I know jack about literature, unfortunately, so grain of salt here but it made me feel strong feels. Not that I could identify any of them if you asked, but they’re definitely there.

Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot - I’m counting this in bc what is a book if not a patchwork of silly little paragraphs anyway so yes, we have a collection of poems. Not only do I know jack about literature; as a matter of fact, I know jack about poetry as well! All I’m gonna say is: I like cute things, I like cats, the poems were cute AND about cats. I really liked it! I often find myself going back and reading again specific parts just for the delight it is to read them out loud! I also may or may not have named the cats you can adopt in Stardew Valley after some of Eliot’s cats. The movie Cats (2019) did one good thing: making me read this.

How You Can Keep Fit by Rudolph Valentino - Yes, that is correct. A book on fitness written (in English!) by silent movie superstar Rodolfo Valentino. It is less than 100 pages on real, actual exercises that the reader can replicate in the comfort of their own house with little to no equipment. With a sprinkle of old timey manly manner of speaking, a few anecdotes from the author’s childhood in ye merry Italian countryside, a dusting of precious advice against ice-cream, and a dash of genuine intrigue for these newly discovered “vitamins” everyone is talking about. Overall a fascinating read that I treasure dearly! Valentino also wrote a book of poems, which I am absolutely thrilled to read this year.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway - Hmm.. I have mixed feelings about this one. Whenever the original language of a book is English, I instinctively want to read it in that language. Because I can! And because that way I get to read exactly what the author wrote. If it was another language, I’d get a translation, make peace with the fact that selling my soul to acquire perfect knowledge of all things is morally questionable, and call it a day. Problem: I’m a sucker for old books. And old books I did find indeed. There were three books by Hemingway for sale, very pretty, and for an almost symbolic price too so I bought them. They are Italian translations from the late 50s and my plan was to go through one in Italian, one in English, and after that, decide in which language to read the last one. I believe it was a mistake for me to start with Italian in Hemingway’s case. He’s known for having a very, VERY peculiar style that is integral to how the novels are perceived and I feel like I've robbed myself of literal peace of mind. For as much as I found the story interesting, I could not ignore the voice in the back of my head that kept wondering “was it necessary to render it like this?”. It did make me feel feels and think thoughts, but honestly? It was partially for the wrong reasons imo. It’s one of those books you should read at least once in your life, I guess, so I’m definitely glad I did it! Surprisingly, it captured me more than I expected and trapped me into its little world. I could clearly imagine the scenes in my head, which hadn’t happened in years! I’m really excited to move on to the next two books and finally be able to say if I appreciate his style or not.

Top 5 positive things that happened to me in 2020:

Visited Rome and took a stroll around on my own (sort of) for the first time in my life. I had never seen it at night :) Right after that I celebrated my birthday and got some cute gifts, including sweets that were sent all the way from Australia!!

Managed to buy my mom a gift, which is possibly the only real Accomplishment of 2020.

Took a bizarre trip this summer (I know, guilty) and fell in love with Slovenia

Discovering I like textile arts kinda gave me hope for myself and for the future. I say kinda for I dare not think concretely of anything too positive lest it should be prematurely taken from me. I shan’t elaborate. It is what it is.

Therapy!!!

The last few months of 2020 really hit me hard whereas in the beginning nothing was too bad so it was nice to see the list growing and growing! So many tiny good things happened and it’s worth to cling onto them. I’m tagging @sonicysuchillydog, @nurmilintunen, @alfonzone and anyone else who’d like to participate!! “Tell them I sent you” lol. Guys.............if you don’t feel like going thru your 2020 feel free to ignore bc......I get it............................

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[starkissr]

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

[sloblesbian]

been doing a new years resolution & reflection post every year since 2014 so im gonna continue that trend. 

personally this was a really great year for me. it’s very weird. things are objectively bad. if you think too much about the future things start to fall apart. there isn’t anything to rely on, outside of my own ability, and that’s limited in what i can do without support. but. it’s not hopeless. i dream a lot of finally graduating and getting a job that will keep me more than just barely afloat, and of what that could mean for me... i won’t graduate for at least 2 year (i need 56 more credits-- i think after 2 years i’ll have 2 more classes to get in, unless i manage either some summer courses or 2 semesters of 5 classes, both of which are unlikely) and even then i know finding a job is hard. theoretically i could start now but i find it difficult to work 30 hours a week and go to school. i’m also afraid that i might make less at an entry level job than at my current job... but maybe this summer i will apply at some bookstores & libraries. 

also... i really love my girlfriend. she’s coming to stay with me for 2 weeks in march and i am so excited. it’s been a good year for us. every day i talk to her and she really understands and like, gets me you know? i am amazed and i fall in love some more. 

also i accomplished a ton in 2017. maybe not the things i set out to (i finished 1 sock that i started last november, lol, and the only short stories i read were a few online and for school) but i transferred to RIC. i only took 2 classes because i couldnt register till june but i got As in both of them and my gpa is a 4.0 which has never happened in my LIFE. i’m excited about the classes i’m starting this month, and after i finish spanish & anthropology i should only have english classes from then on out. i wouldn’t say i love my current job but it’s miles better than working in retail. it’s less stressful and while i’m generally working less hours i am making a little bit more. it feels necessary & helpful as opposed to being in an endless capitalism machine that only exists to grind me down for unreasonable standards. 

but i did read 100 books which was real touch & go for a while.. the first couple months of 2017 i barely read & felt like i had lost my ability to plow thru a ton of books, then the middle of the year i caught up & jumped ahead... fell behind, etc. i finished my last book on the 28th though. i read a lot of comics; my page count for this year is way down, but it doesn’t matter. that’s still damn impressive. 

and for things i didn’t plan at all but still accomplished: i wrote 4 pieces of fiction this year. i mean. they’re all fanfiction, which isn’t really something i even read never mind write, which i think is maybe??? sort of even more impressive? i’m going to try and write some original stuff in the coming year but like. right after nanowrimo, my friends and i, who were previously in the fictional coalition of writers who don’t write, uh, all started writing. which is great. but i mean. i started writing in february? march? i wrote a 10k word fic, and then a short follow up, a short pjo thing, and i wrote another 6000 words this month but it’s not on ao3 cause it’s like... a complementary piece to something that isn’t finished yet, lol. overall about 20k words which isn’t too much in the long run but i like that i wrote 4 completed pieces. it’s nice because i had sort of let myself give up on writing because... i mostly don’t enjoy it. i don’t like scrounging for ideas. but i do like planning things out enough, outlining what i want to happen, and then writing the whole thing. it’s like writing a list and then accomplishing it which... as u know, i love. as far as i can tell uhh most people don’t need to do this. i really have to know like. the end trajectory of a piece before i start writing. i don’t have to know every detail but if i am confused to where it’s going i can’t write it. i’m not great at ideas but i am good at making things happen. it feels nice to accomplish something creative, when i basically haven’t since i uhhh dropped out of art school. 

also, i wrote 47 reviews, which, damn! i (read: my bff & roommate mags) put up a new website, even if it is going to come down this month (i think. i wanna transfer everything first) and i wrote a review nearly every week and a lot of them were good. like. that’s a lot of writing, between fiction & what have u, what category do my dumb reviews fall under. 

(FOOD/DIET warning i dont wanna put it in the tags of the post just skip this paragraph) oh also i cut dairy & eggs (& also gelatin & honey, i guess) out of my diet, & i feel very very good about it (also i think i lost something like 20 lbs-- i don’t weigh myself but uhhh thats good thats very good). when i stopped eating meat in 2010 i lived with my mom & my intention was to one day go vegan but like... i didn’t want to put the strain on her & also i sometimes struggle with food things. but it’s gone really well. it’s nice. feel good. love to cook. very good at it. 

so like...... a really good year for me. here’s what i want out of 2018

i’m cutting my reading goal down specifically because i don’t think it’s something that can grow exponentially and i think the main reason i was able to accomplish it was because i didn’t have too much school this year. when i started setting goals for myself in 2012 my original goal was 50 books; that’s what we’re going back to.

every year (except 2016 when i was realistic) i told myself i would read more short stories & knit more. i’m hoping that having less to read (which i prioritize over all other hobbies) will give me more time. also i have a desk & a chair set up which... idk... helps? i put some knitting stuff there & grafted the toe of a sock the other day, so i hope it does, at least. i read a short story yesterday so i hope that’s a portent for 2018. i want to finish the time travelers almanac at least. i have a lot of collections and i do enjoy them. it’s just easier to get through novels than anything else. 

if u follow my twitter you have probably heard me say this but: 2018 is the year of the video game for me. im, uh, terrible at games- im fairly certain i have dyspraxia, at least mildly (im wildly, wildly uncoordinated)- but for a while i was playing a few because i had done it enough that i had gotten better..... well, this year i played persona 5, which i really loved like. more than any video game in a long time. i know a lot of people were disappointed with aspects of it (rightly so) but i had never played another persona game so i think that probably shaped my opinion some, and also, i think p5 dealt with issues that i really love to see in fiction & generally don’t, even if it ultimately dropped the ball. anyway. it kind of revitalized my interest, and i want to play more. i have p4 that i want to get through. i never finished usum. i have a bunch of games on steam & mags let me sign into their steam library too & they have about 400 games (thats not an exaggeration). i wanna replay me2&3 for sid. i want to practice so i can play games that are more difficult than i usually do. (mass effect being the sole fps i can play, usually i can only play very linear rpgs (think pokemon & dragon age) and uhhh puzzle games, god i love puzzle games) 

so, more concretely:

read 50 books

try to read more short stories

knit more

play video games

do well in school

that sounds good. happy new year.

[clementinebarish]

i decided i just wanted to answer the rest of the questions from that list so i’m just gonna do it

i’ll put it under a read more so you guys can just scroll through it since it’s all garbage and nonsense anyway

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify. I listen to it on my phone, my computer, wherever and whenever I can.

Is your room messy or clean? It’s in an in between right now. Like I need to go wash some dishes but overall this is a pretty good state for it to be in at the moment.

What color are your eyes? Green! They kind of change, so sometimes there are little hints of brown. When I cry they tend to look more blue.

Do you like your name? why? I do. I feel like I look like a Jessica? I don’t really know, I guess at this point in my life I’ve just gotten comfortable with it and I don’t really see a reason to dislike it. 

What is your relationship status? In a relationship. A little over three months in. 

Describe your personality in 3 words or less. Emotional, empathetic, hilarious What color hair do you have? Currently red. Who knows what color it’ll end up next though.

What kind of car do you drive? color? Lol I don’t even have a license 

Where do you shop? Target. Amazon. Thrift stores. 

How would you describe your style? Comfortable chic sometimes. Usually just whatever’s clean tho. I clean up nice when I have the energy to put effort in

Favorite social media account? Of mine? Idk, probably here because I can talk about how I’m feeling with nothing held back and it’s recieved well. I posted about having struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression on Facebook/Instagram for World Suicide Prevention Day and distant relatives wanted to have me fucking committed so yeah, definitely not those.  Of someone else’s, I’d probably have to say @  _picolo on instagram. he’s super talented

What size bed do you have? I think it’s a king? I really don’t know

Any siblings? Two brothers. One older and one younger. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? I think I would stick with California. It’s all I’ve ever really known but I love it so much. Maybe Florida though because it’s always been a dream of mine to intern/work for TWLOHA in some capacity.0

Favorite snapchat filter?

This one.

Favorite makeup brand(s)?: I only really buy eyeshadow palettes when I splurge so I’d have to say Too Faced, Morphe, Anastacia Beverly Hills (but only for their Modern Renaissance palette). I really wanna try the Naked Heat Palette from Urban Decay next.

How many times a week do you shower? It fluctuates. I take a shower when I feel dirty

Favorite tv show? Twin Peaks. Bob’s Burgers. The Office. Shoe size? 10-11 in women’s

How tall are you? 5′5 Sandals or sneakers? Sneakers. I own a lot of Vans or shoes that look like Vans that cost a lot less

Do you go to the gym? No, but I want to start soon.

Describe your dream date. Like a combination of all the dates my boyfriend has taken me on. We have a lot of the same interests and have the same low tolerance of other people so that’s really nice How much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? No physical cash. But I have like 6 dollars in my bank account.

What color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing any How many pillows do you sleep with? Minimum of two. I also have a stuffed animal with me too cause I’m adult and I can do what I want

Do you have a job? what do you do? I’m a customer service supervisor at Whole Foods and I work in our cash office too. Can’t wait for the holidays to be over so ya girl can look for a new fucking job How many friends do you have? Like maybe 2? I don’t know. I don’t really have many anymore

What’s the worst thing you have ever done? That I’ve actually done or that men just assumed I did because I’ve got big titties and a fat ass and they don’t trust me around other men? Cause my last ex accused me of cheating on him with multiple coworkers of mine and then used my thumb to unlock my phone while I was sleeping and went thru all my text messages/facebook messages/twitter and instagram DMs and when he couldn’t find anything he accused me of deleting the proof :) 3 favorite boy names. Thomas, Russell, Victor.

3 favorite girl names. Eleanor, Lucille, Chloe  Favorite actor? John Boyega. Charlie Hunnam. Hayden Christiansen but only in Life as a House. 

Favorite actress? I have a soft spot in my heart for Kate Winslet because she played Clementine in Eternal Sunshine. Amy Jo Johnson but because of Flashpoint.

Who is your celebrity crush? Charlie Hunnam & Ryan Hurst from Sons of Anarchy. Kyle MacLachlan in his Twin Peaks days. 

Favorite movie? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Dead Poet’s Society. Trolls. Nightmare on Elm Street. 

Do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot. The depression I’ve been battling back and forth the last year has been stealing it away from me but I’m trying to get back to it. Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig was a beautiful book. I also love Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. Money or brains? Brains. Money might make life easier but I’d rather have someone I can talk to. That knows how to do things on their own.

Do you have a nickname? what is it? One summer when I was about 15, I was camping with my family and my cousins had started calling me Jizzy. It slowly turned into Jessikee and then my cousin Melissa turned that into Jessikee Shitdick. I usually just go by Jessikee tho

How many times have you been to the hospital? Not very many for myself. Maybe like three or four times total in my entire life and it was when I was small and I would wake up sick and I’d have trouble breathing.

Do you take any medications daily? Besides birth control, I don’t take anything daily. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Dry as fuck. 

What is your biggest fear? Letting people down. Losing the people I love. Getting my heart broken. It’s funny because my biggest fears are things that have already happened to me and things I know that I can survive. But I still fear them happening.

How many kids do you want? I’ve never wanted to have kids. Adopting or fostering has always been on my heart but if it’s up to me, I’ll probably never have them. What’s your go to hair style? Usually either pinned back bangs and a messy bun or a headband and a messy bun.

What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) If 8 people didn’t live here it would be a pretty nice size. Kinda cramped atm tho Who is your role model? My Aunt Debbie. She’s been through things that I can’t even fathom and she’s just super fucking strong

What was the last compliment you received? My boyfriend told me that I brought back his faith in love when he didn’t think it existed. My fucking heart. What was the last text you sent? “What is that candle scent that reminds me of my dad called” to my aunt 

How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? I honestly don’t remember. Probably right around the time my dad died and I realized that all the magic from my life was gone anyway What is your dream car? Literally fucking anything that would get me from point a to point b

Opinion on smoking? I smoke a cigarette when I get too drunk because I feel like it sobers me up. I don’t really drink anymore though and if I do it’s not to a point that I feel drunk so I told that secret for nothing. Anyway I don’t really care for it but people will do what they please. Do you go to college? No, but I’d like to.

What is your dream job? I’d love to be a published writer. Or a singer. I’ve dreamed of those since I was a little girl.

Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural would be more beautiful but if I’m about to get murdered, I don’t want to have to run 5 miles before you come across another house

Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I don’t go to hotels enough to take them. So, no. Do you have freckles? Yeah, but not super obvious ones like my little brother.  Do you smile for pictures? No cause I hate my smile!!! I usually make a face

How many pictures do you have on your phone?  2,289

Have you ever peed in the woods? Literally the last time I went on a hike I had to pee in the woods because I thought I was never gonna see a bathroom again Do you still watch cartoons? I fall asleep to Adult Swim every night. I also love cartoons and animated movies so hell yes.

Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McDonald’s I guess. 

Favorite dipping sauce? Sweet n Sour What do you wear to bed? Depends. If it’s cold, leggings and a long tee. If it’s hot or in the middle, usually just underwear and a long tee. Have you ever won a spelling bee? No, but I always got A’s on my spelling tests in high school when I didn’t study when my friends would scrape by with C’s even though they stayed up the night before to cram so that kinda feels the same

What are your hobbies? I’m kind of relearning these. I love to write. I love reading. Playing games. Going to the craft store and finding little projects I want to undertake. Can you draw? Absolutely not

Do you play an instrument? I wish, but no.

What was the last concert you saw? I honestly can’t remember. Probably Being As An Ocean a couple years ago? Or I guess Warped last year counts Tea or coffee? Coffee. I hate tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Dutch Bros, y’all

Do you want to get married? I really, really, really do.

What is your crush’s first and last initial? VM Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yeah, probably. Maybe hyphenate if it sounds okay. My last name is one of the only things I feel that I have of my dad What color looks best on you? Probably green. 

Do you miss anyone right now? My boyfriend. He lives in Oakland and we only really get to spend the weekends together because of opposing schedules

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed

Do you believe in ghosts? I don’t know What is your biggest pet peeve? People fucking chewing with their mouths open

Last person you called? My mom Favorite ice cream flavor? Ben & Jerry’s Chocolatta Cookie Core

Regular oreos or golden oreos? There was a limited edition Oreo that was cookie butter with golden oreo and I fuck with that heaaaaaaavy Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Fucking neither. 

What shirt are you wearing? A faux vintage looking Duck Tales shirt that I bought from the Hot Topic clearance bin a couple years ago

What is your phone background? It’s a little adorable poop emoji looking dude and a banner that says I feel like shit but I’m not going to let it stop me Are you outgoing or shy? I’m actually pretty fucking shy Do you like it when people play with your hair? To the point where I can only let my boyfriend do it because it definitely turns me on a little Do you like your neighbors? The neighbor directly to our left is a fucking shit for brains bitch. The lady to the left of her is an angel though and makes us food all the time and always offers us free wine Do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I need to start taking better care of my skin yall Have you ever been high? Plenty of times Have you ever been drunk? A good handful. In March, I had an experience where I almost landed in the hospital so I’ve kind of stayed away from it Last thing you ate? Homemade chicken pot pie Favorite lyrics right now? directed @ all the men who hurt me and are now trying to wiggle back into my life

Baby, fineness is the way to kill Tell me how it feel, bet it's such a bitter pill And yeah, I know you thought you had bigger, better things Bet right now this stings 

Or basically all of Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato cause that song is catchy as fuuuuuuuuck  Summer or winter? Wiiiiiiiinter 

Day or night? I’ve had insomnia since I was 7 years old, so night. Dark, milk, or white chocolate? White chocolate and I know it’s not real chocolate but suuuuuuuck my dick and get the hell outta town  Favorite month? October. I fucking love Halloween What is your zodiac sign? Gemini

Who was the last person you cried in front of? My boyfriend. He told me a really special story and I wept like a little bb

[drinking-coke-in-hell]

7. Syyskuuta. 2019

7. Syyskuuta 3/4

Alex cuddled with Till on the couch, drinking whiskey with a straw, Till trying to take it away every moment and other, Alex using his power to pin his hand away. One of the moments where Till submited to Alex lol.  

“Alex you cant just let few glares get under your skin like that. Put the drink away, clear your body and let’s just forget you drank and keep counting the months from where you were left.” Till said, Alex’s answer was noisy suck from the straw.  

“You’ll end up doing something stupid while drunk.” Alex got up and looked at Till. “Well at least I can blame it on alcohol, ja?” Till decided to not contiune and piss him off.

Another 30 minutes pass and the four meet at the hallway again, heading to eat. Alex and Nea look at each other. Nea’s neck is full of soft red spots and lips swollen, Alex’s eyes were almost colorless, lolling around sometimes. Nea had dissaponted look, Alex just grinned, “Lovebirds.”

They headed to the cantteen and took their seats from the same spot, that was actually bit far away from other people, thank satan. (nyt tulee mäkikuja fail moment koska en haluu et tää on vaas säd paskaa)

The food was served and it took a moment to Nea ask, “Allu tää on kalaa?”

Alex slowly put the fork down. “oh...” Alex put the fish away on the plate and started eating the other stuff.  

“You are well aware that you can just tell the waitress and they’ll bring you naything else.” Till said.

“Yes, but i dont want to.”  

-

Back in Al’s and nea’s room. Cody took the liberty to demolish all alcohol. Alex seemed happier now. “We have the elite meeting for 3 hours. Till could you acompany nea for that while?” Alex asked, bouncing on his ass on the floor.

“Yes of course. Whatshould we do?” Till said, seemed happy to please alex(?).

“Go show her the city. Get some eyescream, because it’s hot as hell when it’s supposed to be 4Celsius. Aaaanddd.. I don’t know.”Alex laughed.  

“Alex you can’t go to the elite meeting like that.” Cody said. Alex’s eyes went black, nea took Cody’s hand, fearing that he will be flung our of the window too. The veins went black and it seemed like a reddish liquid were going thru them. The color on Alex’s face came back and his posture on the floor straighened up. “Better?” Alex asked, going back to normal, not sounding drunk anymore. “Yes.”

Alex and cody left for the meeting, leaving nea and Till alone.  

“As Alex said it’s pretty hot outside. We should change to casual clothes.” Till got up told nea to meet on the hallway in 10. Nea kept the fishnets on, changed to shorts and hollywood undead t shirt. She felt like she wanted something else ontoo, but hoodies seemed too warm. She went to Allu’s bag and digged thru it, untill she found the red black flanel. She threw it on and looked in the mirror. The makeup was bit heavy for the outfit but what ever. Nea finished it by spraying half a bottle of setting spray to make sure it wouldn’t come off if she swet.

“You’ve got some fashion knowledge there.” Till said as they met up. He had a basic black t-shirt and some black thin jacket on, with black jean shorts. “Thank you, cant say same of you.” Nea laughed. They walked out and then to a big garage hall of the hotel.  

“So we are taking a car?” Nea asked. “Yeah, it’s big city and right now we are in area where there is nothing but luxury hotels and big parks with old ladies and their poodles.”

They arrived to a pretty basic but newish black rangerover car and till opened the door for nea, who thanked and got in. They headed out in the car and nea felt somehwhat anxious with a big almost stranger man who is demon in a acar with her.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna do anything to you. I can basicly feel Alex’s eyes burning on my back right now (chuckle).” Till said, giving nea a warm smile that eased her feeling. They drove around for a while and then arrived to Mall of Berlin. Huge fucking place.

“I guess you youngsters like malls?” Till laughed, he seemed bit unconformtable. “Yeah. It’s just the people and masses.” Nea said. She swore she could hear Till let out a big breath.

“So we gonna play a game called ‘dodge the crowd’.” They both laughed.  

“You probably know that Alex isn’t found of using money if it isnt Death Necessary? I thought that we could play with our lives and go shopping.” Till said as they navigated thru the parking halls.

“Yeah. But i do have clothes with me and all? And I really dont need any spare because we have the etiquette clothes. It’s just the weekend.” Nea said, not wanting to piss off Alex and the idea of random man buing her stuff seemed weird.

“About that... In the all members meeting they mentioned that this might be longer than three days.. It’s nothing confirmed yet but... Shit might get wild.” Till said and they stepped into the mall, it was huge.

“Oh.... (kattelee hämmästyneenä kauppojen määrää) I’m not gonna suck your dick for a t-shirt then okay.” Nea said, HALF-joking.

“Oh you don’t have to. Alex does it enough (laugh). I actually enjoy shopping and clothes. Not really for myself, but for Alex. He just doesn’t let me, even tho he likes dressing up himself. So why not to get two flies with one go. I can see you making outfits and you get clothes.” Till explained. He felt bit weird about it too, also he was sure he had someones eye on him already.

Nea agreed and fitted to the situtation and they went to a shop where nea saw some grungeish clothes. Till tried to make nea not look at the prices and almost showed his black eyes to get her eyes off the tags. It started to slide well, nea got few fell outfits from stores and some accessories too. They also went to makeup store because in long run you would get tired on black red smoky eye, right? The hours passed by and they started throwing so good jokes and shit that they didnt notice people staring at Till Lindemann walking around mall with young girl and shopping bags.

“Till! Till! Kann ich ein Foto mit dir machen?” A woman came to them smiling and blushing.

“Ja, absolut!” Till asked nea to take the picture, and she did.

“Danke vielmals. Ist das deine Tochter oder wer?” Woman asked looking at nea.

“Ach nein. Sie ist die Tochter meiner Kollage, die ich für ein paar Stunden babysitten sollte.” Till explained seeming bit awkward, nea had no idea what they talked about.

“Oh ok. Danke für das Bild. Du bist toll.” The woman smiled and beamed happily. “Danke dir auch.” Till smiled and she left.

“What did she ask?” Nea understood from the way of speaking that there was a question.

“First asked for a picture and then asked if you were my daughter (till seemed to have sad and somewhat regretful face). I told you were daughter of my collague who I had to babysit.” Till gave out a awkward chuckle. Nea nodded.

They agreed on getting the ice scream and then going back to the hotel. Nea took strawberry chocolate one and Till passed, as he was driving. Till seemed more quiet after the daughter thing, but nea understood as she heard Alex talk something back in the spring about Till having a lot of children with dif women and some with wifes and he had to raise one as single father for years, then one was taken away because he was accused of puncing wife. Nea had no idea what was true and what not but decided to not mess up on that.  

“Nea my love!” Cody shouted as they met at the hotel entrance. They hugged, awwardly as nea had the icecream. Alex had his arms crossed and gave  Till a hard-questoning look while tapping foot on the concrete.  

“Till you might have something to explain.” Cody laughed looking at the bags that he helped nea to carry. “Your room. Now, Till.” Alex commanded. Cody took the bags and they went inside. Till walking fast in front of Alex, Cody and Nea following the situtation from the back.  

“If Till ain’t sitting right after that, it’s just bruises on his ass.” Cody whispered laughing, making nea to too. “I heeeard.” Alex tried to say angrily, but you could hear smile in his voice. Till got in his room and Nea went with cody to nea’s.

“Are you trying to provoke me on reason? You wanna make me mad so I'll spank your ass or something because you’re too proud of a man to ask it yourself HUH?” Alex pressured him to sit on sofa (argh hirvee flash back ku olin jotai 10-11v ja faija oli kaatokänni ja käskin sen sohvalle istuu ku se ei pysny pystys ja sit se kaatu sen pöydän yli.)  And tried to keep his voice low. Till seemed more horrified than aroused tho.

“NO! I know better than that. You heard yourself that this might be longer than weekend. You and cody will probably be assinged to travel somewhere to do shit and dont get to go home for more than a day.” Till said.

“How the fuck has my and cody’s traveling to do with you spoiling nea?” -a

“Well DUH! She’s coming with us. I’m not stupid, you couldn’t see the heartbroke in their eyes if you seperated cody and nea.” Till

“Well I am not one deciding who is coming and who not. I’d rather see the heartbrake than put her life on death line by taking her with us. We would be back anyway.” Al.

“Cody würde sicherstellen, dass sie nicht von einem Käfer verletzt würde!” Till raised his voice now, speaking german fully.

^Cody would make sure she was not hurt by a bug!”

“a...” Alex was about to answer in hars german too, but remembered that he can’t vocalize german well at all. He had been stabbed from under the jaw upward towards deeper cheek muscels, that you happen to use on vocalazing german and such accented languages. Alex can speak it but it would sound like lil american kid trying to sing rammstein.

“Doesn’t matter! I didn’t take her here to have a luxury vacation but to keep me sane! Her reason is to be my anchor! Someone from my private life to keep me from doing stupid shit. The reason I haven’t killed anybody here, nor went of running my mouth on elite.” Alex

“So you’re basicly saying that she is here just as a tool? Shouldn’t she have nice things too? How does this trip help her? What does it give her? If not a vacation like experience?!” till

“This shit ain’ nice for anyone but those business men with their whores ordering vintage wine and smiling with their gold teeth. We are supposed to be here saving the world from chaos and i hate that art of it is drawn back by this money use and useless shit. Why should we be pampered here, while people are dying.” Alex started to get irritated. So angry he couldn’t really keep calm but neither to do anything else.  

“Alex calm down.” Till pulled Alex to sit down with him on the couch, stroking his back. Alex was shaking as he tried to not cry from anger and dissapoint on himself. He were sure that if nea was here he wouldn’t have gone on rage, but the more he thought of that the more he thought wha Till said about Alex keeping her as a tool. “Am i really that much a of a asshole... Dragging my bestfriend to germany without really giving her a chance, and just taking her from her parents and school.... I-… Should I get her back home?” Alex’s eyes were wet as he looked up at Till.  

“Nea’s a strong girl. She would have told you straight away if she didnt want to.” Till reasured, wiping away the tears that escaped al’s eyes. “I can see that you actually submit to her. Not like you do to me, while having sex or something, you overpwer me all the time. But you haven’t said against her one bit. Haven’t hit her, used your power on her violently. She is the one who could kill you. For the real dead, not just stab you out of your blood and you wont resist but she handles the destiny of your life.” Till said in low and calm voice, knowing it help alex to calm down, and basicly melts him.

“Did you buy me anything?” Alex asked in guilty voice, turning up to look at Till again from where he was leaning on his chest. Alex looked like a child in candy shop who just promised to not ask for candy.

“Of course. But I’m not sure if they are tolerant for this moment.” Till’s voice went back to his normal playfully flirty one and he smirked. Alex smiled, eyes puff. “What does that mean?”

Till pulled a Black leather collar with studs out of his bag.  (joo en jaksanu rajata mut tota.. Varmaa vähä kalliimpi koska parempi laatu...)

 “I think that know as The Order and we as in general have upgraded on better status of life, so should our tradition.” Till took the metal chain off and placed the collar on alex who smiled wide as till tightened it.  

“No leash?” Alex asked. Till pulled out a matching leash with leather ‘handle’ and clipped it on. “Happy?” He asked from alex who was about o lick his face (?????)

“Ja!” Alex checked the clock. “We missed the dinner... It’s only 15  minutes left?”

“We’ll order pizza and hang in your room kay?” Till proposed and alex nodded.

[brothalynchhung]

2018 overview

goddddd im so late lol i didnt forget about this blog I'm just active on my other account also I'm never uhhhh home and I'm so busy now god i feel like I'm losing myself and my youth hood from not updating here fml life got me fucked up

ANYWAYS 2018 was fucking crazy what the hell how did so much shit happen in one year

in the 2017 overview i talked about regretting and trying to make up time and ohhhh bitch.... looool

anyways lets start:

2018 immediately started with some bullshit

literally started 2018 turning up LMFAOOO

so it was a good start 

spent new years w old friends some shit ill never do again

hotel room bullshit, eating out, running around outside, late drives listening to early 2000s music

OMG the hotel jesus i remember now i started 2018 on that trash ass app

talking to weirdos

being liked by over 2000 people?

wow what fucking redemption from middle school and high school 

but like... i learned all men are fucking losers LMFAOO

had two weird ass “dates” aka not really since i dipped those things quick aFFF lmao

fuck my old dumb friends for encouraging me to do that shit lol

was funny tho so who cares

this time (january) last year i was

broke

depressed about gl, no job, hating school

i was sooo depressed like 2018 until june i was literally just depressed and borderline suicidal cuz not having a job and being broke as shit was stressing me out so much

i tried so hard to get a job anywhere but for some reason it wasn't working???

i met(?????) that bitch HB LMAFOOOOO

godddd that fucking 5 hours 3 am call

all that weird obsessing and calls we used to have LMFAO he was such a fucking hoe why did i even waste my time

AND I STILL HAVENT MET HIM IRL YET LMFAOFPJEWIOGHERUGHESU EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME I SAW HIM AT CU AND EUIRHGEUISHRH INSANE

but yeah fuck him for calling me too thick but THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

highly he was one the best things to happen to me in 2018?

he called me thick i got cheesed and 

I LOST 15+ POUNDS IN 2018 

honestly after years of saying ill lost weight ill lose weight I FINALLY FUCKING DID

god 2018 was honestly year of the grind

gym every single day

rip school gym LMFAOOO i lost all my weight there god bless

oh yeah i became vegetarian!! and now I'm vegan LMFAO plot twist?

JESUS REMEMBER WHEN HB SAID MY VOICE TURNED HIM ON I CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGERYISEGHUIEHEIOS LMFAOOOO FUCK HIM THANKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND BE SEXY SO I CAN STUNT ON ALL U UGLY ASS MEN

anyways he weirdly kept on trying to hit me up even after he called me too thick infront of the boys (to which they still defended me shout out boys) fucking loser... i shut him down lol

ntcntcjkjkntcjkntcjkjk lol

brockhaamptoonn

threw up from that night i got too drunk LMFAO what an experience never again

i turned up too much in 2018 -_____- i don't even like it wtf

was a lot of fun tho like thats what i wanted right? reclaim my time i lost in hs/early uni because those hoes we don't speak of

i really didnt do shit other than obsess over being broke depressed and missing gl in the beginning of 2018 sooo.. lets just... fast forward? god what a weird ass year

and going to the gym everyday

counting calories

i need to start doing that shit again cuz I'm actually terrified i might be 120 again after fucking dubai

my old ass friends who i basically used to make up for my regret and reclaim my youth from high school was basically all of the beginning of 2018 . yes thanks for the memories thanks for helping relive my past that i lost . thanks. ur appreciated it was fun

but fuck y'all cuz y'all never had anything in common with me and y'all r embarrassing and boring . i was the exciting and better one 

also fuck y'all for letting me down . after y'all fucked off i got successful 

when i obsessed over that ugly weird guy in my phi classes and then i saw him up close and he was UGHLYLYYK GHU AND WEIRD AF 

and he was on my tip crazy with his weird low key fetishing internally racist bullshit LMFAOOO

i think the fuck not

he's still in one of my classes now i gotta spend the whole semester avoiding him IFNWFUWifhqfuwighau

god

discovered my love for white rabbit

finally finished that lonely ass semester

went straight into summer school w/zainb

love her ass lol

wait was 2018 the year i ran into that weird at the mall who tried to kiss me withing 10 minutes of meeting me at bubble tea? LMFAOOO WHAT A FREAK GOD 

my fucking life fam istg

watching hxh ugh best time ever

got a job!!! 

GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!

TWO AT ONCE and one of them was so crazy good for my career 

to the point where I'm STILL in contact with them

seriously getting a job changed the year for me so much

got out of my bad depression starting making money

straight grind

work gym 

BOUGHT EVERYTHING I WANTED.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING

ALESIS . STUDIO SET UP . LOEWE BAG. AND MORE EVERYTHING I WANTED AND I LOST WEIGHT

like i accomplished everything????

its like the beginning of the 2018 year was me gearing up and mentally readying myself for when i fiINALLY GOT A JOB and then i accomplished everything i wanted

yo i was working 3 jobs and that catfish hip hop class 

LFMAOOOOO THAT HIP HOP COURSE OMGG LMFAOEJGUIE ICONIC

i killed that shit lmao😂

met that weird ugly kid that was talking all this bullshit about us being the same and him thinking he had a chance w me LMFAOOO okay sure there

all cuz of fucking r and her high school esque bullshit

honestly fuck her LMFAOO i don't wish her anything just fuck off after all the bullshit since middle school you put me thru 

her and her ugly ass bf i had to deal with god I'm so happy she's out of my life

used you to make up from lost time 😂 i don't need u anymore Im at peace with myself BYE 

i don't even feel sentimental when i was run or i need u like i finished the book and i closed that shit and i feel better like i got so much closure this year

sister got married suwhoooo 

weird encounter w dal? tf? girl bye you've been dead to me since 2012 LMFAOO

so much people i really don't give a fuck about

honestly in 2018 i just lost all my fucks and only focused on me 

it gonna stay like that

made so much new friends i cant even name them all 

love all my work friends club GANG

chilling w hec and crew gang gang

oh yeah that taurus bitch i got confused feelings over and wasted my time 

cut his annoying ugly weird ass off lol but whatever lost time reclaimed it was very 2011-13 esque

got rid of everything from my sunken period thank god

got rid of so much shit

the closure/transformation was real

anyways uhhh so yeah so then fall semester started just continued working and gaming 

 lowest i got was 113 but idk wat i am now :( I'm so scared i really don't want to be over 115 but I'm like always bloated so I can never check I'm so sad rn

cut off annoying friends fuck them i have new better ones and i love myself

jjkjkjkjknctncjtkcktn lol 

good music good book watched so much movies

I SAW BROCKHAMPTON JCOLE THE GORRILAZ THE INTERNET DELASOUL AND BLOOD ORANGE LIVE!!! BITCH WAT THE FUCK ALL IN ONE YEAR

toronto trip!! mil trip!!! all on my own fucking amazing

end of 2018 was so good omg 

ran into 2% jfc

drunk called 2% lMFAOOO god just said sorry for nothing lmao i just want gl I'm clinging on to anything

OH YEAH that ugly broke bitch who wasted my time and objectified me yeah fuck him 

if he didnt do that disrespectful ass shit i wouldn't have called 2% ugh god

never using that trash app ever again 

ended 2018 in dubai 

YSL LOEWE ALL ON ME???? YES BITCH 

didnt feel like a failure in dubai stunt on everyone

ended this year amazing

really looking forward to 2019

looking forward to losing weight -____________- still

looking forward to money

accomplishing goals

getting closer to gl

FINISHING FUCKING SCHOOL FINALLY 

just happiness.. 

I'm happy. 2019 I'm ready lets fucking go. gl lets go . I'm on my way

went from broke hopeless no job depressed to thriving beautiful UP TO 4 JOBS everyone can fuck off

[avoresmith]

Tagged by @genufa​ who gets me and my desire to not be as productive as I could be.

feel free to tag yourself in my name if you want to do this. I liked this one.

1. Are you named after someone? The main character of a novel my mother never wrote, age 16

2. When was the last time you cried? I cried like 3 times during Logan (go see logan)

3. Do you like your handwriting? I like it fine but it isn’t pretty and I hate physically writing.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Pepperoni

5. Do you have kids? Nope

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? HMM. I feel like the direction of this question is ‘Are you so hard to deal with you wouldn’t want to deal with yourself’ but unless I know who the other person I am becoming is, it’s a hard question to answer. If I had a copy of myself I think we would probably enjoy talking to each other about fandom sometimes but not much else. If I were a different person I might have needs that I can’t provide myself anymore because I wouldn’t be me, in which case the person who is now me might be very useful in my life??

I don’t think my personality is defective ENOUGH that there is a clearcut answer of ‘lol no cuz they’d be a bitch’. 

7. Do you use sarcasm? N..o...? Which is weird to realize because I definitely went through the Sarcastic Teenager phase where everyone in the 90s was as obsessed with teens being sarcastic as they are now fixated on millennials being ironic. But nah, somehow that habit pretty much disappeared as far as I can tell.

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes.

9. Would you bungee jump? Probably!

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Rotates between all berry captain crunch, frosted flakes, and some keshi (kashi??) grain stuff. I go thru a cereal phase like once every 4 months and i eat it for dinner or as a snack tho. Got no time for breakfast.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I can’t own shoes that require you to lace them. Can’t be trusted with that much effort in the morning.

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? Ehn, in some ways, sure. My luck stat is real fuckin high tho.

13. What is your favorite ice cream? I like gelato in general and fruity gelatos in particular. Mango, orange, and lemon are probably my peak flavors. Tho I made a killer pink pepper corn icecream last thanksgiving and I should do it again.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? Usually that they have bothered me, haha. I am REAL FUCKING IN MY OWN HEAD so I tend to completely filter people out unless they deliberately make me notice them. In a situation where I’m not ignoring most of humanity, uh,all of this realizing I’m white stuff and that racism exists has, ironically, made me hyper aware of race. Also ‘oh shit, did we make eye contact? shit!’. What I’m saying is there is a reason my cubicle is in the furthest corner of the office and I never leave.

15. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Having a vagina and all of it’s connecting organs.

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? I’M REAL MAD IM DOING THIS ON A MONDAY WHEN I WAS TOO LAZY TO CLOTH MYSELF IN THE USUAL WAY because right now my answer is dark blue jeans, purple grey-striped socks, and my comfortable flat sandals that kind of have this shiny snakeskin thing going on (YEA i wear socks with sandals COME AT ME). NORMALLY the answer would be some highly saturated tights and heeled boots or wedge sandals but friend I didn’t fall asleep until 3am.

17. What are you listening to right now? This 8tracks: https://8tracks.com/outofbread/don-t-even-trip-dawg

Which, Im gonna be honest, does nothing for me as Rick and Morty playlist but I really enjoy the collection of songs so I keep listening to it anyway.

19. Favorite smell? Fruit or woody stuff.

20. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Some lady for my job who likes to respond to emails by asking for a phone call so you can tell her what you wrote in the email.

21. Favorite sport to watch? WWE, which I haven’t actually watched in almost 15 years but it’s still the only sport where I got excited about watching a sport.

22. Hair color? Washed out blue and a desaturated purple-pink. Need to touch it up soon.

23. Eye color? Blue.

24. Do you wear contacts? I got some plano circle contacts so i can change my eye color, but i’ve only worn them a couple of times. I like how I look in glasses and probably wont’ got prescription for a while.

25. Favorite food to eat? This rotates... a lot... I should maybe say mongolian hot pot just because we successfully went there every week for almost two years without me getting sick of it. Macaroons. Pizza.

26. Scary movies or comedy? Something... interesting... I don’t care enough about movies to have a preferred genre. Even if I did neither comedy nor scary movies would make the top five.

27. Last movie you watched? Logan (GO SEE LOGAN)

28. What color of shirt are you wearing? Teal and white with a pattern i don’t know how to describe.

29. Summer or winter? Summer.

30. Hugs or kisses? Hugs.

31. What book are you currently reading? I restarted Naoki Urasawa’s Monster, and my roommate has pulled out The Things They Carried for me to start on. I’ll probably finish up Monster first.

32. Who do you miss right now? Minerva, the cat I put down last year. I’m not really prone to this particular emotion in general tho.

33. What is on your mouse pad? I hear Millennials don’t use mouse pads. <------ real

34. What is the last TV program you watched? Uuuuh fuck. I think Mighty Morphin Power Ranges, original run, haha. we were gearing up for the movie but somehow still haven’t seen the movie. Unless we are counting anime I watched online, in which case Mob Psycho 100.

35. What is the best sound? Monsoon thunderstorms.

36. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? I have no particular opinion on either of these but my mom loves(d?) the Beatles so I’ll go with that. She’s earned it.

37. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? Haiti.

38. Do you have a special talent? Being basically chill and okay a huge quantity the time.

39. Where were you born? Phoenix, AZ.

[0225pm]

this is gonna be one long ass post so pls bear with me. i just felt like i must write everything in details! today was probably the most surprising day ever for me (pun intended 😂) the night before han asked me if i had any plans or if i wanted to go anywhere on sunday of which i said, no because i really didn't have anywhere i needed to be so i asked him to plan something. he then said, "ok ah i plan but you cannot ask me any questions about whatever i plan. you just follow me only. if you ask also, i will just ignore and not answer the questions." which i agreed to!!! and i was honestly looking forward to see if he actually really did planned anything. the next day, i was in a frikin dilemma LOL. mainly because i didn't know what to wear. i thought of wearing something casual, an oversized tee with a jacket or something but i figured i might be too underdressed and for some reason i wanted to look bomb af for my man. i even put on my gold metallic eyeshadow which i usually never do and mascara!!!!! i just wanted to look cute la ok hahahaha to the point that i even asked seanna what to wear or to give me some ideas for an outfit. but i ended up just piecing my own look together - i wore this cute floral top which i got the other day at temt and my black pleated skirt. pairing it with my chucks and backpack made me look almost like a 90s high school kid or smth HAHAHAAH (what an exaggeration LOL) should have worn my choker out too but ughHh i think i may need to get a new one cus the one i have is a tad bit thick and feels uncomfortable after awhile. bc of my get-up, i felt like +1 to my self confidence!! it made me feel happy. anyway, he came over to my place to fetch me and was alr waiting for me when i came down. the first thing he said when he saw me was, "why you so prettyyyyy" FML can you imagine just how much i was bursting with excitement on the insides and how happy i was???? ofc he always do compliment me from time to time but this time it made me feel really happy because he said "i can see the effort you put into your look today"!!!!! which is true i rly did put quite a bit of extra effort than usual into picking out my outfit and make up today ^^ and those actually boosted my self confidence, it made me feel cute. but oh boy what he did on the bus made me feel all electrifying and melty wtf (can you feel two diff emotions at once bc i did!!!!) so we boarded the bus and took a seat and the next thing he said again was, "why you so prettyyyy" of which i humbly said "nooOoOooO" because i'm so shy???? wtf how long together already still so shy hahahaah. and then proceeded to sniff(?) and kiss my cheek and then a lot of skinship happened wtf i love skinship with han it makes me feel so loved omg the feeling is indescribable la if you really love someone, you will probably feel the same way i do!!!! my fav was when he kept looking at my tummy (ok i'm still actually rly shy about this even tho he said that he doesn't mind and find it cute) and then joked about how the top stretches out and became white (it's a black base top) bc of my tummy. and then i just kept like poking my tummy???????? and then he just grabbed my whole body into his arms and squished me tightly and said smth like "eeee geramnye!!!" wah fuk i rly love it when he speaks malay and go all touchy and clingy HAHAHAAHAH oh i also asked if he had alr eaten and if he still hasn't made any plans we can maybe go grab a bite first then walk around the mall or smth if we don't have any plans for the day. honest to God i don't mind not doing anything as long as i'm with him!! this is absolutely legit. we don't even have to talk or whatever as long as he's physically there for me to see and hold on to ya know what i mean? ok and then we walked towards the mrt and by this time i still don't know where we were going!!!! i kept asking but like he told me the night before, he just ignored my questions and left them unanswered. he then asked me to sit under the fan (it was blazing hot today) while he walked over to he mrt waiting area and as i observed, took out his phone (i thought hmmm maybe he's trying to search where to eat or smth) and then we boarded the train and stopped at kembangan????? which just makes me questioned him again bc why kembangan when there's nothing there at all! there are no malls and places there seems barren. again, he didn't answer and then took me to the taxi stand. by this time i was kinda trying to be patient bc it was so hot and i was perspiring and my makeup was melting and my outfit felt sticky under all that perspiration i just didn't feel cute anymore. i kinda felt like all my efforts to dress up for him was gone just like that and i blame the sun!!!!! it has been rather humid lately and i hate it sfm! and then he told me to stand under the shade while he smoked a stick and then made some calls. by this time i knew he was alr booking a grab and i demanded answers. i wanted to know why he's wasting his money on grab YET AGAIN when we could have just taken the train and save $$!!! we ended up taking the grab anyway and i kinda snapped at him inside and i felt rly sorry for it bc i can be quite a bitch when i'm hot and sweaty. and then bc he didn't wanna tell me where were we going i thought maybe i can ask the grab driver but apparently EVEN SHE WAS IN CAHOOTS WITH HAN OK like i came to a sudden realization that maybe han called her to tell her not to tell me if i asked!!!!!!!! and then she drove thru geylang area and i asked han again where we're going and this time he gave me a hint!!!!!! he said "we're going somewhere where there are lots of food" so ofc my initial thought was onekm!! bc we were nearby and then i asked him "is it onekm?" and then he said "ya how u know!!!" but ugh he lied bc the driver drove past onekm and then all of a sudden we were nearby suntec area. han tried to cover my sight bc he didn't want me to see where we were gonna end up at but i struggled (i was in an uncomfortable position) so he finally relented and then spilled the beans by pointing to a poster of yayoi kusama outside and telling me that's where we're going. AND I WAS SO SHOOKETH!!!! wtf i rly was so shocked ..... ............ it never crossed my mind, not even once throughout the whole journey that he was taking me to the art gallery to see her exhibitions. istg i was so shook i didn't know what to say to him. all i rmbr saying was "omg yayoi kusama??? you're bringing me to yayoi kusama????? it's expensive tho omg whattttttttt" and then i said smth like "noOoo let's not go and waste money it's rly expensive it's like 30 bux per entry wtf" and then he said smth like "u dw go then i go myself la" and i was like "no wth!!!!!" and when we reached there, unfortunately the tickets were all sold out ahahahahah it was rly quite unfortunate bc han took so much effort and wasted money on grabbing down but honestly i felt really fucking touched by his actions today. like all those efforts to keep it a surprise till the very end, money spent on grab bc he thought that if we take the train all the way we will be late for the exhibitions, trying to plan something even though he's a horrible planner. everything he did makes me appreciate his existence in my life even more. he's rly so boyfriend material now wtf so fucking sweet and romantic. but he was really really disappointed to find out that the tickets were all sold out to the point that he even went back down to ask the person at the counter if there's really no tickets left. he said smth like "i don't usually do this and it's not everyday that i plan smth for u but the tickets are all sold out. i should have made an online booking la fuck la" he was just blaming himself all the way and i really felt so sad for him. i wanted to cheer him up but i didn't rly know how to bc i knew how much he tried his best to make me happy today. and for that, i am really really thankful bc in the end, it's the thought that really counts!!! his mood from there on just changed :( and he suddenly became rather grouchy and masked it by saying that he was hungry. but i knew he was still disappointed by the fact that his plans was botched. OK I WILL CONTINUE PART 2 LATER WHEN I AWAKEN FROM MY SLUMBER BC ITS 4:50AM AND IM STARTING TO FEEL SLEEPY