#I’m leaving in 30 min
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Wish me luck! I’m going to the doctor today (the double hour stuff with blood tests, EKG etc) but what I’m least looking forward to is the hour with the doctor itself as he’s been HORRIBLE to me and is extremely anxiety inducing! today I’m gonna, once and for fuckin all, let him know about these things and so much more. I’m wearing the ‘SMILE’ bracelet.
For extra support. But words of encouragements - or maybe even tips for being assertive to someone more ‘powerful’ / in a more dominant position than myself (and who’s also highly insecure with the most fragile ego I think I’ve ever experienced).
#cottagecore#health#doctor tips#being assertive#text#tagging as cottagecore so more ppl will see#I’m leaving in 30 min#the appointment is in 1 hour & 10 min
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#i have to leave for work in 30 mins i’m gonna CRYYYYY#anyway look at this demon#good omens#crowley#goodomens#david tennant#good omens 2#good omens s2
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Still thinking about that bit in episode 58 where FRIDA says “I really don’t want to leave you” and FCG says “I don’t know if I could.”
Like holy shit these robots. For real what is gonna happen when BH reunites and they have to split up…
#there is a tiny part of me that thinks sam is gonna play this as fcg being like. no i’m gonna stay with frida you guys leave without me#like he WOULD do that#and either fcg is gone temporarily à la scanlan#or forever#OR some tragic shit happens that forces fcg to leave frida even if they don’t want to#like. fuck. excited and nervous for whatever is gonna go down with these two#critical role#loveletters#cr3#c3e58#(it’s around 3 hours 30 mins in the twitch vod i think)#kk talks about stuff#kk watches cr3
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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭
#stream#ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA#like ok#he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me#& u need to not have like#an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after#+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person#‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway#i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out#like literally everyday#but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t#DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will#LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D#ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid#anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy#so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll#be free in an hour x’ like#like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole#next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just#it ain’t it#like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time#literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like#girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it#like …. ok
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Hell is my skin
My skin hugs onto my body without my consent, my eyes dilate and force the lights to flash brighter than how the others see them. My ears ring and muffle the words that are being heard perfectly by others. I want it to stop, I need it to stop. They are looking at me, they are worried, I am clearly different. This is no super power, this is no gift, this is a curse of earth, that is being forced upon my brain. I’m going to rip it out.
#i’m autistic#this one is old#writing#wrote this one on a church trip after I cried for 30 min due to a sensory overload#leave me alone god#God is okay#creative writing#hawk tuah#i’m so hard
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never fucking trust me to be on time
#i missed the fucking train by 1 min 😭#idfk what my heart rate is rn but my watch says 180 😭 which ik probably isn’t true#maybe it is because i can feel my head being dizzy as fuck#since i underestimated the time it would take me from wake up to leave the house i forgot to consume smth#this is not good i’m gonna hope i have some random food in my backpack#I should’ve fucking packed yesterday 😭#i literally set my get out of the house alarm 15 mins early as well#and was 10 mins late to leave the house#somehow managed to be only one minute late#but still fuck fuck fuck fuck#i hate this dizziness :((#maybe i’ll set my get out of the house alarm 30 mins earlier next time
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I just finished my first public piano performance since the pandemic and I’m so TIREDDDDD!!!!! but I did pretty good :) my first song was great and I stumbled a little on the second but overall it went by very well!!!!!
#best part about it was going home tho LOL#one guys song was literally 28 mins no exaggeration#everyone was getting so irritated and restless and kept whispering that he was taking too long#I felt kinda bad but almost 30 straight mins of piano is a lot lmfao#but yeah!!! second best part was coming home and taking my hair done#my edges HURT that shit was so tight#I don’t wanna touch ANOTHER MF piano for like two months after this#and everyone looked so bored lol the energy that used to be there before the pandemic just wasn’t there#also my family is full of niggas cause why did they immediately leave when I finished skdhfkdj#literally don’t blame them tho cause if I didn’t have to stay to the end I would’ve left too#okay bye I’m sleepy and haven’t been on here since this morning so I’m gonna catch up :)#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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man having grown up in an abusive household makes it so hard to tell when something is a normal disagreement a normal family would have and what is a fight that is absolutely something a normal healthy family would never ever have… like…. 😐
#it happened so fast too I can’t even process how it set off#context being my mom got really dizzy which happens because of her condition#and so we asked her to lay down#about 30 min later she’s back up again making sandwiches for my dad#we all start like calmly kinda teasingly being like cmon dad#she should be laying down why did you have her get up for that#and then my sister said something and then my dad got louder and she got louder and I was like why are we yelling#and so I had to get loud and it was just a whole mess#and my dad got really really fucking mad#and was being a total dick in my opinion#over like… nothing#and my mom sounded all scared and idk man it was a very weird interaction#and I was really shocked up about it because my brain just always goes back to when we used to get hit#but we’re adults now so I’m sure that won’t happen again but sometimes the way my dad gets pissed off#like it feels like it still could happen again one day ykno….#idk#I know so much is in the past#but it still feels like it happen again every so often and it’s very very very scary lol#anyways I can’t wait to leave <3 hahaha#but seriously like is that normal idk probably not I wish I had some sort of reference to what a healthy parent is supposed to be like#i don’t know a single person with a good relationship w their parents at least not both of them#it’s always just like one or none of them lmao#anyways#</3#abuse cw#also to make matters worse this all happened during our movie nights we’ve been having#to make my sisters boyfriend feel welcome in the family#since he moved in#like I can’t imagine moving into my partners house#and just hearing like constant screaming fighting matches randomly throughout the week like ok 😐😐😐
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I fucking can’t today
#Im tired and overwhelmed and I’m so sick of being the only responsible person in my house#I can’t even do my fucking school work because my dog needs food made everyday and my mom said she would start it#so I could finish my math test#then 20 mins later my brothers banging in my door bc my dog needs to go out so I have to stop my test to do that#then I see the dog food hasn’t been started so I need to do that but I have to do the dishes to make that#so I do the dishes then I’m doing the food and my brothers getting food and getting in my way bc he just can’t wait 30 mins#and he leave shit all over the counter that I need so I have to clean up after him while making dog food#then I finally finish the dog food and I’m cleaning the dishes I used when my brother comes over and leaves more dirty dishes#one had shrimp in it and the butters all gross and the smell alone made me want to vomit but I had to clean it#and I’m almost done when my sister comes out and sad that my cat got in my room and killed one of my plants n got dirt everywhere#Plus my dad came home early so now my mom wants me to vacuum#oh and I have to go to the store with her whenever she decided she’s ready to make sure she gets what we need#I’m currently sitting in my bathroom trying to calm down because I’m gonna snap and either kill someone else or myself if I don’t get a#break#And I still need to finish my math test#screaming
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I hope my boss spontaneously combusts into flames for real 🤣
>be me working in fast food
>tell boss I can only close 2 of the 4 days I work
>”sorry steeve all managers need to close or open”
>ok I’ll open
>update my availability to be available open to close 65 hours a week so he can take his pick of which days to schedule me
>text him I can only close 2 days any days dealers choice and work any day part the other 2 days literally any day of the week
>left on read
>new schedule is posted
>closing 3 days a week and leaving ONE PITIFUL HOUR BEFORE CLOSE on the 4th day
#the one hour before close is still 30 mins after the time I said I had to leave by btw#it feels like a snub at this point#I’ve had this convo with him for 2 months now btw so this is not new. I’m about to go nuclear and nuke my avail to be super specific#if discussing and being nice and pleading doesn’t work. lol.#a day in the life of steeve
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attempting fully sound design a 4 minute scene of iron man in 6 hours . i’m going to try and fill it out as much as possible but i fear i will have to leave a lot barren. [PROFESSOR NAME] prepare for the worst submission you’ve ever received. please give me a C in this class thank you.
#i have an appointment at 5 and i have to leave the lab at 4:15#worst case scenario i take it home tonight and design parts of it in logic on my laptop but i’m 30 mins in and i have 3 seconds done#i’ve had 2 weeks just every time i’ve tried to work on it i freak out and can’t finish it
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i got only an hour and a half before i have to go to work and i’ve been at this for 30 mins. i think i’m going insane
#corvid chatter#please I’m begging you I work the closing shift mostly now .#and I usually stay 30 mins to an hour after I’m supposed to leave. PLEze
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I’m gonna leave a little after four I think
#I’m only 20 mins from the airport and aj doesn’t land until 5:10#but I’m gonna explode if I don’t leave before 4:30
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i think that u guys should send me so many fic recs to make this fieldtrip bearable
#i’m gonna open them all in a separate tab#so i can read them when i leave service lmaoooo#this trip is so 😃#guys being women in stem hard :( brain suffering :(#my call for help in my 30 mins of service a day 🥰#ruby.txt
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since you have so many playlists on spotify (like me and AS IT SHOULD BE) what would you say are your top 5 favorites?
Okay so be forewarned I have what many would call bad/and or eclectic taste in music, HOWEVER that having been said:
This is no joke my favorite playlist I’ve got I listen to it all the time especially if I’m gonna be in the car for a while. It’s one of the few long long playlists I’ve got and one of the even fewer that I can confidently say I know just about all the lyrics to every song. I share this playlist with my sister so we can put all our nostalgic country songs in it
Of course I’ve gotta toss my homestuck playlist in here, had an older one but this is my longer/updated one with songs from all the homestuck animations and amv’s I loved in middle school
This ones my summer playlist for shorter car rides
Small selection of my middle school taste yet again, little 13 year old me wanted to be scene/emo so bad
The only playlist in this group that’s less than a year old lol, this one’s some more of my newer artists I’ve been into lately, little Midwest emo little indie pop
#these are also the outliers in the sense that I very rarely make a playlist over 30 min#my fave kind of playlist is one around 15-30 minutes long with songs that are the exact same type of feel that I know to the same extent#I hate mixing songs I don’t know with songs I know well so that’s most of the reason why I have so many playlists#but also the song have to feel the same ya know#was hard to narrow this down tbh#had to leave out like my musicals and rap and the such#I like lots of things! genuinely the only genre I have a hard time getting into is the oldies#I’m sorry music from the 60’s there’s just something about you I can’t vibe with#long post
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i Hate being expected to show up places at a given time i am SO nervous. i am not made to Manage Time like this
#interview is at 10am it’s a 30-35min drive (depending on traffic)#factoring in MORE traffic + time to get lost I’m leaving 45 mins early#but also they explicitly said not to come TOO early so. if that’s me I’m just gonna loiter in my car
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