#I’m just gonna revert to eating soup forever

[fandoms-writings]

My wisdom teeth are coming in 🥲

[foundcarcosa]

cccxxiii.

Is there anything that you and your friends simply can’t agree on? >> I mean, probably? We’re all different people from wildly different backgrounds with different experiences and paradigms and ways of understanding the world, so of course there are likely to be things we just don’t agree on. I try not to make a habit of focusing on those things unless they are directly detrimental to our ability to be harmonious with each other.

Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? >> One is from Sparrow’s mother, which was annoying for several reasons. One was me and Elle talking about my OC, Logan Luxurian (sometimes I think about reverting him back to being the Host of Greed or Wrath because “Logan Avaritian” and “Logan Iritian” both sounded way cooler and less like a stupid porn name than this one does...) and her OC, Siran, who are forever schmoopily in love. And the last was from one of my cousins, who is one of those older people on facebook that send chain IMs and post about Jesus all the time.

Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? What does the comment say? >> The last comment I got was Jay saying “same” to a comic I posted.

Is there a song that always makes you cry whenever you hear it? >> You bet your sweet fuckin ass there is. More like 50 songs, tbh. I’ll give you a few examples: I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday (David Bowie), These Things (Fuel), Unchained Melody (Righteous Brothers, and only that version), Stoppa mig Juni / Stop Me June (kent), Nothing As It Seems (Pearl Jam) -- okay I’m stopping here because just thinking about that last one and why my relationship with it is the way it is fucked me up just now.

When will you next go out drinking? >> God, I wish I fuckin knew.

What are 3 reasons you’ve smiled or laughed most recently? >> A particular survey answer I read, a meme I saw on facebook, and hearing Sparrow leave her room because she’d released the toilet demon and couldn’t sleep. (The half-bath’s toilet runs intermittently for like an hour and a half after flushing, because fuck this apartment complex, that’s why.)

Who was your last Tumblr message from and what does it say? >> It was from one of my mutuals with the url to her personal blog.

Can you remember who your closest friend was 10 years ago? Do you still speak to that person? >> I don’t know that I had any close friends in 2008. Maybe Anubis? I don’t even remember who-all was in Xibalba at that time... oh, wait, I think Vengeance was still around.

Think about your ex, your crush, or the person you’re currently dating. Were you attracted to that person as soon as you met them, or did the attraction develop over time? >> I mean, I’ve met most of the people I dated in recent memory on the internet, so no, it’s not like an instant thing.

Is there anything you’ve wanted to do recently, that you haven’t been able to? >> Nothing specific that I can pinpoint. Aside from just getting out of here.

Will you be spending the night with the last person you kissed? >> I mean, we live in the same apartment.

Where was the last place you went on holiday? >> New Orleans.

Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? >> No.

What are the initials of the last person that texted you? >> SC.

Who was the last person to post on your Facebook wall/timeline? What does the post say? >> Oh, I don’t know. Most people don’t post directly to my wall, they just tag me in things.

Which do you use the most, smiley faces, kisses or hearts? >> I use various kinds of smiley faces the most.

Describe the last person who put their arms around you. >> I don’t even know how to “describe” people. Describe what?

What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? >> I’m not sure and I’m not willing to turn the light on just to find out.

What are the 3 objects closest to you? >> Various stuffed animals. Also, my phone.

Is the last person you texted older or younger than you? >> Younger.

Are there any conversations going on in the room right now, that you’re not involved in? >> No.

What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? >> In meatspace, bi. In headspace, uh...... lmao

Describe the last strange dream that you recall having. >> I’ve forgotten what my last remembered dream was, period.

What is it that you want, more than anything else in the world? >> I don’t know. I just... I don’t know.

What’s the last thing you said to the last person you kissed? >> I don’t remember.

Have you ever kissed the last person who Facebook messaged you? >> No.

Have you ever had an ask on Tumblr that was too embarrassing for you to answer? >> No. That’d be interesting.

List the last 5 things you had to eat. >> A McChicken, french fries, a veggie burger and broccoli slaw eaten out of the bag like chips, chicken enchilada soup, and the rest of my Voodoo chips.

Do you like dark, milk or white chocolate best? >> Dark chocolate is the only chocolate I like at all.

Is your handwriting neat? >> It can be.

If you had to choose, which would you give up - your phone or your computer? >> I’d give up my phone way easier than I’d give up my computers.

What’s your honest opinion of the last person you had a conversation with? >> My honest opinion of Can Calah is that he’s the most important person in my life and I can’t deal with anything in this world or in this brain without him.

Would you feel okay about going to your parents for advice about sex and contraception? >> No.

Is there any kind of food or drink that you used to love, but now hate? >> Probably, but I can’t think of it when prompted.

Do you have any moles, ‘beauty spots’ or birthmarks? >> I mean, maybe. I’m not entirely sure.

Think back to four months ago. Were you single, or in a relationship? >> I was in relationships.

If you’re in a relationship, what is it that you love best about the person you’re with? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? >> Oh brother.

Have you slept in a bed with the last person you kissed? >> Yes.

If the person you miss came into the room right now, what do you think would happen? >> first of all HOW in the PLUPERFECT FUCK did you manage a spatial-contortion trick like THAT (and can you teach me)

What’s the worst lie you’ve ever told anyone? >> I don’t know.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever kissed someone? >> On a balcony of an abandoned house...? Probably.

Do you and your sibling(s) look alike? >> No.

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? >> Yes.

What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? >> I don’t care.

What’s the closest thing to you that has glitter on it? >> I don’t think there’s anything glittery in this room. I don’t like glitter around me because of how contagious it is.

Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? >> I don’t think so.

Do you tend to go with your head or your heart most of the time? >> I’d prefer not to think of emotions and logic as being separate impulses. It’s a synergistic system.

Do you like sweet or salty popcorn? >> I don’t much care for popcorn, period. But there’s that dark chocolate-drizzled salty kettle corn kinda stuff that this one company makes that I will definitely eat too much of in one sitting.

What are you going to do when you’ve finished on the computer? >> If I’m finished on the computer it means I’m either switching to my phone or going to sleep, real talk.

[evenstevensranked]

#53: Season 1, Episode 13 - “After Hours”

Ren is late for school and gets detention. Now the world is ending because she’s in desperate need of extra time to finish up a display for LJH’s 75th anniversary. So, with some help from Louis and a new pal from detention.. she sneaks into school at night to get it done.

This episode opens with Louis walking into Ren’s room at night, eating a chocolate bar. He asks Ren (who’s asleep) if he can use her laptop and takes a tired sigh from her as a “yes.” Pretty sure that wouldn’t hold up in court. I’m still not sure why Louis needs Ren’s laptop at 1:27AM but with most things Louis does — I’m not even gonna ask. In the process of unplugging her computer, Louis accidentally unplugs Ren’s alarm clock. Which is literally THE WORST. I hate when my alarm doesn’t go off. It’s sort of a fear of mine. So, basically I’m watching Ren live out one of my nightmares. She’s woken up by the sound of a lawnmower and she clearly suffers a “holy crap I overslept” heart attack. Again… The worst. She sees her laptop is missing and her extension cord is covered in chocolate. Which can only mean one thing… Louis.

She gets ready at the speed of light and rushes to school. When she gets there she bumps into Wexler who reminds her about the display project and she assures him she has organized everything into boxes and only needs a few hours to set it all up. I’m laughing because he mentions he’s been called out of town for “principal business” yet he has a snorkel and goggles in his bag. He quickly covers them and tries to act like it’s a “very important conference” simply because he “has to take a plane and everything!!1!” Again, Ren tells him not to worry while he’s gone. She vows to get the display done in time.

Due to Wexler’s absence, Coach Tugnut is put in charge. Ren asks why Vice Principal Mason isn’t in charge, but in Season 3 their Vice Principal is Mr. Landau. Just something I noticed. Anyway, Tugnut’s the “top dawg” and he’s on a power trip. Ren ends up being late for gym and Tugnut makes her sit the class out next to a girl who’s coloring her toenails with a crayola marker (she makes sure to say it’s “non-toxic.”) She’s obviously supposed to be an ~edgy~ trouble maker. As soon as Ren sits down, the girl introduces herself as Chloe and starts talking to her. And then… *dun, dun, duuuun* Tugnut gives them detention for “illegal use of the mouth.” Um…

Ren approaches the detention room after school that day like she’s walking to her execution. The detention monitor is an old dude who’s apparently been “asleep since 1985” according to Chloe. This guy must be a saint or something because he’s obviously dead and there’s no explanation for why he hasn’t decomposed after 16 years. Of course, the room is full of strange kids and Ren is a fish out of water. Chloe introduces Ren to everyone and suddenly Louis walks in shouting “MY PEOPLE!” and they’re all pumped to see him. Yep. Louis is Detention King. Unsurprisingly. 

Louis has this awkward looking scrape on his chin. He plays it off as a “sports injury” but Ren exposes his lies and says he got it from tripping over their TV remote. I feel like they wrote this into the script because Shia actually had a scrape on his chin. It’s so random and I don’t know why they’d decide to give Louis this ugly thing on his face just to casually address it once. Plus, Shia has said before that they would write things into the script all the time (as well as ad-lib.) So, yeah. That’s what I’m betting.

Suddenly a microphone comes down from the ceiling. Louis says “Let the games begin” and within a few seconds they proceed to transform the room into a hamster race arena. I always felt like the surreal element didn’t come in until the second season… but then I remember that stuff like this happened in Season 1. I guess the show always had that element, I just prefer the episodes that don’t. Louis smells french fries which means Tugnut is on the move. They scramble to revert the classroom to the way it was.

Ren tries to show remorse to Tugnut in an attempt to get out of detention early and finish the display. But, a hamster crawls up her pant leg mid-speech and she starts screaming. For some reason, Tugnut gives Ren double detention for it and tells everyone else to leave. 

After detention that day, Ren comes busting into Louis’ room and finds him applying crayola marker (that he makes sure to say is “non-toxic”) to his chest to look like hair. Is using crayola markers on your body and explicitly saying it’s non-toxic a thing that detention kids do or something? Why else have Chloe and Louis both do and say that in the same episode? Louis tells Ren that she didn’t “break the code” by telling Tugnut about the hamster race, so he offers to help her out with getting the display done. Wexler calls Ren from his important principal conference (a.k.a - a hot tub party) and is under the impression that Ren has finished the display. Now she has no choice but to go with Louis’ plan — which involves sneaking into the school at night. Couldn’t they just go on Saturday or Sunday, though? No one will be around then either, but.

“Just wanted to see how it’d look...” 

Wexler’s important conference. 

Louis called on Chloe for backup and she shows up whisper-yelling like “YOOU-WHOO! IS THIS WHERE THE TOP SECRET MISSION IS?!?!” Wow. Everything seems easy enough, but Tugnut is at the school rollerskating in the halls like the strange man he is. So, basically they have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t catch them. That’s really the rest of the episode. This one was/is hell for me to review for some reason because… not much happens really.

Louis brought Jumbo Size Crinkle Fries to distract Tugnut with. You know where the Faculty Sauna and the Wexlervator once were? Well this week, it’s a closet. They take a fan out from there and try to lure Tugnut to the smell of the fries. All they leave is the empty container so that he’ll have no choice but to go and get fries for himself because he’s a french fry addict apparently. And he does leave but before he goes he makes sure to turn on freaking HEAT, LIGHT, AND MOTION SENSITIVE LASERS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF REN’S DISPLAY CASE. What the heck?! What Junior High school is so important that it needs freaking lasers to keep people away? Well, Ren is storing school artifacts from the last 75 years in boxes underneath the display case. So, maybe they’re trying to protect them?! lol, it’s the only thing I can think of because there’s literally no need for this. Louis says he’s “wispy” and dances his way through the lasers. Aside from the fact that he most definitely hit a few on his way to the other side… he successfully disarms them. This whole sequence is ridiculous but I love Louis too much to care.

The Faculty Sauna, Wexlervator, Storage Closet area... lol. 

Ren and Chloe get to work on the project. But, Louis decides to cool off in front of the giant fan and blows all of their materials away. This pisses me off. When Ren tells him to turn the fan off, he cranks it up accidentally. Instead of just turning the fan around, he leaves it and on stands in front of it as if that’s going to help the situation. He finally turns it around and off, but Ren is left in a mess. This gives me so much anxiety. Thankfully, Chloe suggests that they forget about making it “perfect” and just slap together some funky display instead. I can tell you right now, I am positive that it turned out a million times better than whatever Ren had originally planned. So… shout out to Chloe! It all worked out! :D Of course.

They finish and get out of there just before Tugnut returns. Tugnut is standing in the laser area, so Louis decides to sneakily turn them on before they leave. This totally could’ve killed Tugnut but he happened to be standing so that the lasers perfectly frame him. This is awful. He’s left straddling the lasers ALL WEEKEND. There’s no way. The heat and energy would’ve gotten to him and he would’ve died. Oh well.

Barbra Bushwick, a woman from the first graduating glass of LJH, is a guest at the 75th Anniversary on Monday. She compliments the display and says she loves the fact that it’s random and breaks boundaries! Ren, Louis and Chloe are all smugly proud of themselves. And that’s it.

Idk what it is, but it took FOREVER to even attempt to do this entry. I’ve been sitting here wondering why I didn’t rank this one lower… but, I just remembered that I really like seeing Louis and Ren work together. I just wish Louis had a bigger role in this episode and didn’t mess things up, haha. There’s also something I’ve always liked about being at school at night. Is that just me? Back in the day I loved going to functions at my middle school at night or on the weekends. Maybe I’m just weird. This is another episode that doesn’t have a subplot. That probably has something to do with it. I had trouble tackling Duck Soup for that reason, as well. Idk why. But, yeah. It’s a pretty simple episode. I feel like some people might find this one a little boring. 

Thank you so much for reading! I desperately want… no, need… to stick to a schedule so that this can be a definite, fun weekly thing for all of us.

Chime in below with your thoughts on the episode!

Twitter | Facebook | Instagram 

[thomaspredestined-blog]

Dirty Water (Typed Sermon).

Here’s the transcript from the sermon I gave on December 10th, 2017.

The audio version is here.

Mark 1:1-8

Good morning! Okay.  For those that weren’t here last week, I’m not Josh.  I have way less gray and my beard is imaginary.  By the way, after last week, I’ve come to the conclusion that he uses this mic because it makes him feel very much like a mid-2000’s Britney Spears, which is an amazing feeling.

I’m Ryan and, for those that were here last week, I decided to go against the shirt embargo and wear what I normally do.  It’s a HOLE-Y shirt, guys!  Get it?!  Holy?!  Bringin’ that Josh level humor.  I figured today is probably gonna get weird, so I might as well be comfortable.

Josh asked me to speak last week and this morning.  And just like last week, I want to let you know that the views and opinions expressed in the next half hour-ish, don’t directly reflect those of Josh and the leadership team here at the Bridge.  If I say something that offends you, sparks your interest, or if you have questions about anything that I say, by all means, come talk to me after the message.  

In the early days of the church, the teaching portion of their time was spent in discussion.  It was an open dialogue with people voicing differing opinions.  I love that idea.  We all have had different experiences that have formed different views.  We learn and grow from each other.  Keeping in the spirit of that, then, I would ask that, in the same way that I promise not to shut out what you have to say, please do not shut out what I say this morning.

It’s my plan to delivers today’s message in a few sections.  We will be talking about John the Baptist (Mark 1:1-8), but we’ll be getting there in a strange, convoluted way.  

First, I will tell you about me, give you some context as to who I am and why I’m here.  After that, we will go over the scripture together and hopefully, I’ll tell you some cool things about that.  And, once we’ve done those two things, if I’ve done this correctly, I’ll tie it all together for you.

For those of you keeping score at home or taking notes:

I’m gonna tell you about me. I’m gonna tell you about the reading for today. I’m gonna tie it all together.

Alright.  Me.  

The chubby, angry, tattooed fella.

I was raised in the Christian, fundamentalist faith.  I was saved and baptized by age 7.  I rededicated my life a couple of times at all the big youth rallies and conventions during junior high and high school.  I went to a Christian college, played drums in almost every church I’ve attended, led youth, and have even preached a few sermons before this.

All of that to say, for about the past decade, I’ve said that I was an atheist.  My mother and father are here.  This is the first time they’re hearing me say that.  I am forever sorry, guys.  

I genuinely thought that I didn’t believe in a god, much less the god of the bible, or the god of fundamentalism.  I didn’t understand him.  I didn’t understand the faith I was brought up in.  I saw the way the church, alleged stewards of God’s love, treated people.  I heard the things that were said about the gay community.  I saw the way communities of color were treated.  I couldn’t believe in a god that felt that way about his creation.  That would love some and not others.  That would care about pigmentation and preference above heart, action, love.

So, first mentally, then emotionally, and finally physically, I walked away.

With or without my faith, there have been four women in my life who have ultimately shaped me. There was my mother, Sherry (the crazy one from last week and the one who’s crying now), who taught me truth and strength.  My first dog, Emmylou (who was fat, sassy, and had the absolute worst gas in the world), who taught me compassion.  My wife, Steph (the absolute hottest, funniest, coolest woman who’s ever talked to me and who foolishly agreed to marry me), who has taught me how to be a man and how to submit my will and desire to another.  And Tisha.

Tisha…

Tisha was beyond description.  To call her a force of nature doesn’t describe the kinda whirlwind she was.  To try to sum up her strength, character, force of will, heart, beauty, laugh, sarcasm is a waste of time.  There are no words.  They simply do not exist.  

When I couldn’t afford to eat, she made me potato soup and yelled at me for not taking leftovers home.  

When I met a new girl, Tisha was the litmus test.  If who I was dating could stand up to Tisha, then that girl was worth dating.

And when I needed a reality check, an ego check, a throat punch, an album recommendation, or a hug, Tisha was always there.  Jammin’ Leonard Cohen and smiling behind a cigarette.

Then, she died.

I watched her husband cry over her in a box.  

I cried over her in that same box.  

When I kissed her forehead, it wasn’t her.  It was a hard, plastic thing.  That was not the woman who snuck out of the hospital to smoke with me.  That was not the woman who told me to marry my wife.  That was not the woman who challenged my lack of belief every time we spoke over coffee and dirty jokes.

But, she had died.

I started trying to reconcile what I’d been taught growing up with what I saw, with what I knew and had experienced.  I tried to make things line up.  She couldn’t just be gone.  

God does not need an angel more than I need her.  God certainly does not need her more than her 15-year-old daughter does.  More than her broken, hurting husband does.  God didn’t call her home.  Her husband and her daughter will always be her home.  Our friends are her home.  Christian platitudes and cliches about death weren’t the answer.  

Science taught me that matter reverts to energy and energy to matter.  And she was nothing but radiant energy.  Energy doesn’t just stop.  The bigness of her could not just stop.  She had to still be something.  She had to still be somewhere.  But, science said she became worm food and nutrient-rich soil.  So, science wasn’t the answer, either.

But she was dead and I could not accept that she was gone.

So, I started looking.  I started trying to find Tisha.

Who’s depressed now, eh?

We’re gonna put a pin in the sadness and come back to that, okay?  I can’t handle too much more of that or I might end up snot bubble crying in front of all of you and that will be an even less pleasant sight.  However, I promise we will come back to it, okay?

We go from my past to Christianity’s past, now.

It’s about 60 C.E.  A dude named John Mark is working with his friend, Peter, to write down a story about a man named Jesus who John Mark had never met. Peter, however, had been with Jesus and went about preaching to whoever would listen about what he’d learned at Jesus’ side.  John Mark, then, attempted to chronicle all of these teachings into a book.

Somewhere around 4-6 B.C.E., this man, this Jesus is born.  And one would think that if you’re writing the story of this man, you’d start at the beginning of that story.  The birth of this man.  That’s not where Mark starts his story, though.  Mark starts the story about 25 years after that, in the middle of a thing.  He starts Mark 1:1 with:

“The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Son of God…”

I love this for two reasons.  One, that’s not a sentence.  It’s not.  If you read through my notes, you’ll notice that I’m a rather big fan of writing in fragments.  And secondly, when Mark was writing this, he would have been in, or near, Rome.  This salutation was how people would ride through the streets to announce the coming of Caesar.  So, already, Mark is starting this off by announcing the kingship, the authority, the heavenly and divine mandate of Jesus with a sly, ironic, tongue-in-cheek smile.  Keep that in mind as we go on:

“…As it is written in Isaiah, the prophet: Look, I am sending My messenger ahead of You, who will prepare Your way. A voice crying out in the wilderness: Prepare the way for the Lord; make His paths straight!…”

This, again, is Mark doing another clever thing.  He starts us in the middle of the story and immediately jumps to the Old Testament prophet, Isaiah.  Mark is utilizing these specific words because, according to oral tradition and rabbinic texts, Isaiah would have been one of the most popular Jewish texts at the time.  He’s showing us that something is happening by using two things, the proclamation of Caesar and Old Testament scriptures, that everyone in his day would have easily, quickly, readily understood.  He’s giving us a peek behind the divine curtain to show the Jewish community of his day that the old words, the old traditions, the words of Isaiah are still alive. Mark was also a huge fan of irony in his text.  He paints a very human picture of the divine Christ figure.  He lets the readers, you and I, in on the secrets of who this Jesus character is before everyone else is made aware of it in the story.  He downplays the power of Christ, Jesus’ claims of divinity, and even ends his story without the resurrection.  The ultimate in irony.  Throughout the entirety of his text, Mark never loses sight of the real lives of ordinary people.  He focuses primarily on the economic and social ramifications, the earthly over the divine, and the present over the future.  

Everyone still tracking with me?

“…John came baptizing in the wilderness and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.  The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were flocking to him, and they were baptized by him in the Jordan River as they confessed their sins…”

Rome was in control of everything about Jewish life, including the Temple.  This is the great Temple.  Solomon’s temple.  Albeit, a rebuilt, expanded upon, destroyed and rebuilt multiple times over version of Solomon’s temple.  But, it’s that Temple that Rome controls.  And they control it to the point where wealthy families get into bidding wars with each other to pay Rome for their sons to be the high priest.  The one who enters the Holy of Holies, the one who speaks directly with God for the atonement of His people, all of Israel.  That position is up for sale at this time.

Alongside this, you have lenders, creditors, standing outside the temple offering lines of credit to the people who can’t afford a sacrifice.  Rome was taxing the citizens of Judea around 90%, so if you’re a poor farmer, you would take a line of credit to buy an animal that was raised specifically for sacrifice because that was what the law of Moses required.  And if you failed to repay this debt, or missed a payment, they didn’t repo the goat or the chicken, they took you and your family as slaves.  They took your land as their own.  

So, essentially, you have a small number of the Jewish aristocracy, that has sworn allegiance to Rome in exchange for power and wealth, preying on the rest of the Judean population.  The wealthy elite are holding everyone’s salvation and atonement hostage.

This was the world that John the Baptist was stepping out of the wilderness into.  And he was telling these people, this corrupt Jewish aristocracy and the poor Jewish community and the normal Israelites in between, that they needed to be baptized.  Aside from the priest taking ceremonial baths, baptism was a thing reserved for Gentiles at this time.  It was a rite of passage to be cleaned when converting to Judaism.  And here’s this dude, standing in the same river where people wash their clothes and their armpits and so on, telling the entire nation they need to come down there and be baptized.

It goes on:

“John wore a camel-hair garment with a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey.  He was preaching: ‘Someone more powerful than I will come after me.  I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the strap of His sandals.  I have baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.’”

At the same time, there were people roaming all over Judea, claiming to be the messiah, amassing followers, murdering Romans, and establishing credibility to be Israel’s savior, a physical king of a physical realm.

And juxtaposed with this, happening next to these faux-messiahs, you have John, a man born to descendants of Aaron, making John a descendant of Aaron.  A kohen, priest.  One of the potentially wealthy elite that could pledge his allegiance to Rome and live a life of luxury.  And he’s living in the wilderness and we meet him standing in a dirty river.  He is humbling himself in appearance, wearing the clothes of Elijah an old testament prophet (who was said to come again before the coming of the Messiah), well beneath what a man of his station should be wearing.  Essentially, John is super punk rock.  He’s living off honey and locusts, bugs and bug juice, when as a Kohen, he should be feasting on meat from the sacrificed animals and drinking the finest wine.  But, there, in the Jordan, he stands.  Proclaiming, unlike the other Jewish rebels with a following, he is not the messiah.  Proclaiming he’s not even worth to untie the messiah’s shoelaces.  Proclaiming what he’s doing is nothing compared to what the one who comes after him, the true messiah, will do.

Before we get too far into this and further unpack what’s happening here, I do want to point out something very important to me and near to my heart.  We grew out of Judaism.  Which means we absolutely, positively, 100% MUST give it the respect and honor it’s due.  We are a Judaic cult, a branch of the Jewish faith that went a little further in it’s belief system.  We can not gloss over the importance of Judaism to the current church or in the text.  We must respect it.  We must honor the Jewish nature of the Christ, the early mothers and fathers of the church, and the importance that Jewish customs, traditions, and oral histories played on the scriptures.

Right out of the gate, “fresh out the box,” as the kids would say (did I get that right, youngin’s?), you get this incredibly politically charged statement from Mark.  A statement that could certainly get you killed for making at that time. He immediately draws a parallel between the earthly power of Caesar and the heavenly power of the Christ. He’s letting the reader in on a powerful, ironic secret. He’s establishing this new thing, the gospel, good news, about the Messiah, with a capital M. The true messiah. He’s signaling the importance of what’s to come in the rest of the book, drawing the reader into this social, political, eternal drama that’s unfolding.

Mark then dives into the OT, something every Jewish person would have known. He tells them about a prophecy of Isaiah wherein John’s coming is foretold. The same prophecy that John’s father, Zekkariah, receives from Gabriel in other gospels.

(Also, once John the Baptist’s dad finds out he’s gonna have a son, he can’t speak. Literally. He goes the entirety of his wife’s pregnancy without speaking. When it comes time to decide on a name, he actually writes “His name will be John” on a tablet. I’m sure there’s more than one woman in here that would see a mute baby daddy as a blessing…)

It’s in this corrupt, combined church and state system that John comes up in. Where the rich, the elite, the fancy pants types push for more power and more wealth and more dominance over everyone else.  It wasn’t the whole of the Jewish community, but a small percentage that traded their own people for a little bit more money and power.  

Being a Kohen, descendant of Aaron, of priestly lineage, he would have been taught all of the things of his people, as well as the Romans. John would have been afforded the right to take his place in that group of social, political, and monetarily elite ruling class of Jews.  He would have known about the money changers, the creditors, the garish feasts and rights of the priests. He would have been an inside man. A made man. John could have sat in a tiki-themed temple, cracking wise with his knucklehead cronies, asking the tough questions like, “I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you?”

Some 2,000 years later, it’s this same system of greed and wealth and power and dominance and moral gluttony that we find ourselves in today. There are “prosperity” bibles out there and people telling you if you give them all of your money, God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams. We fight for political power, bending the teachings of Jesus to fit within our political definition of morality. “Well, the Bible says this but means that...” to justify marginalization and pushing people out the door. We temper love with dogma and faith with certainty. We favor being right over being humble.

We have used a corrupt religious system to influence our politics in an effort to gain power or dominance. John gave up every notion of power actually afforded to him by his birth to lead the people to Christ. He gave up the wealth and the social standing and clout he received just by who his great-great-great-grandpa was in an effort to be who God said he was, not what society said he was, not what the power structure said he was.

John the Baptist, and later Jesus, goes on to call the religious figures who wielded political power a “brood of vipers.” That’s not just a super gnarly band name, it was a major insult in those days. Snakes were associated with evil (you know, Garden of Eden, creation story, etc.) not with awesome album covers or dudes with bleach blonde mullets drinking Budweiser in American flag t-shirts. He called these priests, who used their religion to make political decisions that placed their boot squarely on the throats of others, children of evil. Yeah. That’s a thing. (If you’re not offended easily by strong language, ask me after the service what they were really being called.)

Is any of this ringing true for how the church operates today? Can you think of any more fitting a thing to say about the Westboro Hatemongers, TV evangelists spewing anti-gay rhetoric, God’s desire for you to be rich, or the importance of division among the church over political views?  

Peter Popoff, Jerry Falwell Jr., Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar, Beny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Franklin Graham.  They all preach monetary faith, they all preach wealth and power, they all preach political and social dominance.  They preach America and Empire in suits that cost more than some people’s yearly salaries, from the pulpit of million dollar stages, after being driven to their church in a six figure car.  Those ideas and ideals are antithetical to what Jesus, “the one who comes after,” actually spoke about.  

John wasn’t standing in a dirty river telling the elite to come to him, he was calling all to him. Stating that he was baptizing them in water, but the one who would come after would baptize them in the Holy Spirit. He didn’t say that the baptism would be reserved for those who voted down a party line.  He didn’t say that the baptism would only be for those who claimed a specific doctrinal belief or belonged to a specific church denomination. He didn’t say that the baptism of the Holy Spirit would be reserved for those that said “Merry Christmas.”

As a people belonging to this faith tradition, we absolutely must understand where we come from to understand where we’re going.  We came out of corruption.  We came out of religious power wielded by a moral majority of elitists who used that power to gain wealth and influence.  That tradition is what Christ stood up against, leading a very small percentage of the wealthy, elite, upper echelon Jewish leaders to work with Empire in the killing of the Christ.  We have our roots in that tradition, but John the Baptist and the Christ figure showed up and moved us away from earthly power and towards the river.  Our inheritance is standing in dirty water.  

As Americans, we were lucky enough to be born on the correct side of a man-made line on a map, at a specific time.  As Americans, we have been born into a culture of dominance.  As Americans, we have been born into a state-run temple, a theocratic system of government that we call democracy.  As Americans, we have been born into a system defined by power, wealth, works.  As Americans we have been born into a flag waving, gun toting, National Anthem singing, allegiance pledging, worshipping the golden calf of the stars and bars, love it or leave it, this-faith-and-these-colors-don’t-run church.

But, as believers, we are called to turn from those things that our country teaches us are important and turn to the one who truly is important.  This is the repentance that John spoke of.  Turning away from our own self, our own desires for advancement, and to turn towards a desire to advance all who are willing to step foot into that dirty river.

The Jordan River, the dirty water in the desert, with a madman shouting from it, is the great equalizer.  It is here that we are called to turn away from corruption, power, greed, and towards equality, grace, humility.  It is here that we are asked to show our unity with all who would step into the water.  It is here that we are given the chance to meet the one who comes after.

I know that this feels like an incredibly political message, but I promise you that I don’t care what your politics are. I don’t. I care about you standing in that dirty water, humbling yourself when telling all to come, repent, and be baptized. To prepare themselves for who’s to come. Because the humbling and inclusion that happens, the renouncing of systems and power, that’s where you’ll find the one who comes after. Turning away from the structures we’ve built to separate, demean, demoralize, institutionalize, and weaponize; that’s where you find the second baptism; the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

John the Baptist calls us to humble ourselves.  To repent.  To make ourselves like those we try to fit into our molds.  Those we try to clean up, pretty up, church up.  John tells us to make ourselves their equal and stand in the dirty water.  

Tisha lived her life in the dirty water and because of that, I found the one who came after her.  I found him in a more profound way than I could have at seven.  Or 13.  Or 15.  Or 17.  

176 days after Tisha left this world, her husband married my wife and I.  He was stoned and in pain and broken.  He spoke softly, the exact opposite of how she would have been, and kept the service weird and short, exactly like she was.  He spoke to the importance of love in life and in death.  

373 days after she died, I found myself on my knees thanking the God that I swore did not exist.  Thanking him for the beautiful, mystical wife he’d blessed me with.  The painfully smart, hilarious, and earnest friends he blessed me with.  And amazing, understanding, comforting, loving, and currently crying parents and family.  

When I went looking for Tisha, I found humility and love and grace.  I found pieces of her in every single person I’ve encountered over the last year.  

I found the love she showed in her husband as he and I have journeyed through hell, relationships, faith, and whiskey this past year.

I found the hugs, crass humor, and desire to feed people she showed in a couple of vegan bakers that are trying to build community using baked treats and chili.

I found her deep-rooted, inclusive faith in a bar while having a beer with a pastor, and telling him that I believe in a resurrected Christ and an eternal God.  I found her in the realization that this is the calling on my life, to teach.  I found her in coming to terms with the last 10 years of my life being an inevitable journey through the wilderness, just so I could stand in the dirty water and say, “The one who comes after me…”

In the immortal words of Jack Black in this century’s Citizen Kane, School of Rock, you’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore.  John the Baptist was hardcore because he lived it.  Tisha was hardcore because she lived it.  We are all called to be hardcore.  We are called to be the voice in the wilderness.  We are called to be the ones declaring the one who comes after us.  We are called to stand in the dirty water and invite ALL to join us.

A close friend came out to last week’s sermon and told me that I didn’t offer up too much hope in my message.  For those that felt the same, I do want to apologize.  I’m the hope, guys.  I was born in a double-wide and my dad still rocks a mullet.  My wife and I live paycheck to paycheck.  My friends and I have family style dinner at someone’s house once a week to save money on groceries.  I have tattoos, I have blasphemed against God, I have sinned and I have failed my wife, my family, my friends, and my God more times than I have succeeded.  But, despite all of that, the stack of items in the con-column versus the “He made us laugh” item in the pro-column, I am here.  I was invited to stand in the dirty water and asked to proclaim the one who comes after me.  Whether you were born the elite, or you borrowed gas money to get here, it doesn’t matter.  We have all been invited into the water just the same.  I challenge you to go out, into your lives and into your week, secure in the knowledge that you are good enough to step into the water exactly where you’re at.  You don’t have to say the right words or know the right things. If a Pearl Jam fan is worthy to stand in that dirty water and make that proclamation, you are, too.