#I’m hoping for some jobs to come up after Christmas cause atm it’s all Christmas temps ..

[galaxymagick]

I don’t wanna go out today not cause it’s raining but I can’t be bothered to deal with ppl ..it’s gonna rain all day so hopefully it’s quiet

[bewareofchris]

Public Relations 23/??

R atm | Alec Hardy/Dr. Bill Masters | Broadchurch, Masters of Sex | Strong language, eventual sexual situations

“The fact that Alec Hardy was not currently, had not ever, and did not want to date the American sex research did not seem very important at all to the town of Broadchurch.  They did what they had always done with a little bit of juicy gossip: they made a spectacle of it.”

<< prev | Part 1 | AO3 Link

A man had decide what he was willing to give up.  Bill hadn’t decided and that must have been why he lost everything.  All those decisions: whether to commit to Virginia fully or stay with his wife?  Whether to love his children or tolerate their existence?  Whether to atone for his past misdeeds or pretend they never happened.  He’d wavered in and out of intentions for so long that everyone he thought would wait indefinitely had decided for themselves how they wanted to be treated.

Bill was left with the thing he’d spent his life pursuing.  His study.  His most precious lover.  The thing that he had thought would bring him happiness.  And he had it still, after he’d lost all the other things he’d never tried to keep.  

Bill wasn’t happy.

Bill was laying on his couch, with a crust of chip crumbs pressed into his cheek, watching nonsense procedurals.  He hadn’t moved since the last time he’d used a bathroom.  And excluding trips to the toilet and kitchen for fresh supplies of snacks, he hadn’t moved at all.

(Not since a skinny man with no bearing on his life, said he didn’t care who Bill slept with.)

He told himself (at first) that he was taking some time for himself.  He’d convinced his brain that his body needed the rest.  When the excuse stretched thing, he laid in a slump and he thought about what he planned to do next.  

All his daydreams were fantastic plots to leave this place he was in and never come back to it.  He imagined plane rides like escape plans.  He could go anywhere in the world.  Libby didn’t want his money but Bill had tons of it.  He was swimming in wealth.  He never had to work a day in his life again.

All that frantic energy he’d wasted on the study had amounted to nothing but this moment.  Discoveries had been made.  Babies had been conceived and delivered.  Women had covered his office in thank you letters and baby pictures and Christmas cards.  He had a scrapbook of newspaper clippings.  He had a certain reputation of infamy.

And he had a crumb-covered couch, and unwashed smell, and a swell of self-pity.

He had a phone with no new messages.  He had a flagging sense of arrogance about how he shouldn’t have to be the one to send the next text.  But a week later and Alec hadn’t so much as sent a hello through.

Bill had thought a lot about possibilities and plane rides.  He’d thought about the merit of throwing himself into anything at all that took him away from where he was right now.  And he thought of how disheveled and out of order his life would be if he didn’t stop and pick it up.

Between one predictable conclusion and the start of another repetitious episode, Bill picked up his phone to say:

How’s the case?

And he thought, if you squinted at the words hard enough you could certainly mistake them for: I miss you.

--If he could have managed it, Hardy would have been pissed.  All his best effort toward anger left him too exhausted to do anything but sit quietly in place and stew.  He just marinated in his anger, letting it simmer under his skin until it followed him into his dreams and out again.

“Well you’re in a mood,” Miller said right at the start.  She was pushing Fred up the path to his front door, looking haggard enough herself to not want to deal with him.  She stopped when she said it, and looked back over her shoulder. “Alright,” she said, “let’s go. Get your coat, we’re going to get something to eat.  Don’t say anything.  I don’t want to hear it.  I’m hungry, and you’re grouchy and we won’t get anything done.”

They found themselves smashed into a little booth in a corner of a nice enough restaurant.  Fred was tucked between his Mom and the wall, boxed in and unable to cause trouble. He had a selection of toys that he didn’t seem to be interested in playing with.  

Miller was staring at the menu with a frown pinched between her eyebrows.  She was managing what Hardy could only hope for. Her anger and discontent was as thick as a cloud around her.  Even Fred was looking across the table at Hardy like he was expecting to be rescued from his upset mother. If the kid had been old enough to understand, Hardy might have told him that there was just nothing that could be done.  Moms were people, and people got upset sometimes.  

“So,” Hardy said.  (He didn’t used to be this awkward.  He didn’t used to talk like he’d never used words before in his life.)  “Has, uh, Tom come back?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Hardy stared at the menu laying on the table in front of him.  He considered his heart-healthy options, and found that none of them appealed to him so he settled on the top option.  When he was done (a busy five seconds later), he cleared his throat.

Miller glared at him over the top of the menu.

“How’s the--uh, the job?” Hardy asked.

“Aren’t you chatty today?”  Miller dropped her menu down on the table so it was laying half-over his.  She sighed like a great balloon of overheated air deflating. And then she said, “can’t we talk about anything else?  Not work, and not murder, and not Tom.  Can’t we talk about--what’s happening with you?”

Nothing was happening with Hardy.  He’d been ignoring Bill Masters for a week.  Although one could not count it as ignoring when he had not been sent any messages that required a response.  He was being ignored in equal measure to the effort he was putting in ignoring.  Hardy shrugged his shoulders.

That might even have been the end of it, but Miller looked like she was disappointed.  Hardy was enough of a disappointment to himself without spreading it around. Miller’s disappointment looked like defeat and why wouldn’t it?  Here he was, tucking away his secret ongoing involvement with Bill while Miller was trying to figure out how she planned on living her life.  She was holding it together after a trauma that ripped her family to pieces. She was coping with loss, and grief, and guilt.  

“I,” Hardy found himself saying without any notion of how he intended to proceed.  “I’m waiting for a text.”

“A text?” (Miller was unimpressed.)

“Yes.  A text from Bill?”

“A text from Bill?  Why are you still texting Bill?  Bill does not deserve to be texted.”

“Miller--”

“Any man that can just pack up and leave, knowing what we know about your health.  That’s not a man that you need in your life. And an American? A sex researcher? What have you got in common with him anyway?  It can’t be a lot. What do you even talk about? Oh hello, Bill, seen any interesting…” The humor didn’t fail her but the presence of other families and her own son made her clear her throat rather than continue.  She lifted her glass of water to take a sip. “A text from Bill,” she muttered to herself.

Hardy frowned at her.

“Don’t make that face at me.  I’ve got more experience with men than you do.  If I decide to start texting some other woman that leaves me on death’s door--”

“For Christ’s sake, I’m not on--”

“Then you can sit here and tell me all the same things.  Not on death’s door? You collapsed!”

“Lower your voice,” Hardy hissed at her.  He straightened up in his seat as if fixing the slouch his body preferred would make his health anymore respectable than it was. 

The conversation was interrupted by a very friendly waitress that didn’t seem interested at all in their personal drama.  She made promises of quick delivery on the food and took their menus with her when she left. The quiet she left behind was as brief as a single breath.

“You’re waiting on a text,” Miller prompted.

“I’m not going to tell you about it if you’re going to be judgemental.”

Miller’s expression promised him that regardless of whether or not he explained himself, judgements had already been passed and they were not favorable.  It felt good to have someone on his side.  He was vindicated by Miller’s disapproval of Bill.  Even as misplaced and misinformed as it was, there was a definite, relaxing camaraderie in disliking the same person at the same time.  She managed to even out her expression into something approaching neutral as she said, “I’m sorry. I’ll try.”

(No, she wouldn’t.)

“Bill with his ex-wife and--”

“Why are you waiting on a text?” Miller all but shouted at him.  Her hand slapped the table top in outrage and poor Fred, who had been idly pushing a toy around the table top, jumped.  His little face went lax in shock and his lip trembled. Miller comforted him, but she was hissing, “have some respect for yourself, Hardy.  Slept with his ex-wife.  I bet he did. Accidentally, I assume.  It’s always an accident with men like that.  What happened?”

At some point, Hardy did need to tell Miller that he had never been dating Bill.  He wasn’t dating the man now. He was just hinging a series of silly fantasies on the man.  And it wasn’t fair to hinge his fictional happiness on the man but emotions were never fair.

“He went to talk to her about their children.  It’s complicated. They only separated a few months ago.”

“A few months ago, and he’s already decided that he could move on?  Must not have been much of a marriage.”  

Hardy hadn’t meant to smile, but a certain level of meanness felt good.  He cleared his throat at the tail end of his little grin and said, “that’s enough, Miller.  I told him I didn’t care who he slept with and he hasn’t answered. I don’t know, maybe it’s the end.”

Miller was going to explode, sitting there, biting her lips.  She was putting so much effort into listening to him.  She wasn’t shouting at him about how it was already over, that it shouldn’t have ever begun.  But she was thinking it in very loud thoughts, projecting them across the table.  “That’s a bad thing?” she managed to squeeze through her clenched jaw.

“We’re just friends,” sounded very nearly like a lie.  It didn’t feel like the truth that Hardy wanted it to be.  

“Well, he’ll text you.  If he doesn’t, he’s not a good friend.  Not the sort of friend that would make a long drive to see you on her days off.  Not the sort to make sure you get a decent amount of food once in a while. Not the sort that’s going to help you solve a case that’s ruined your reputation.  A friend like that, well, you’d think maybe you might put a little bit more effort into sending a few more texts in her direction. But if it’s Bill that makes you happy…”

“Are we friends that text?” Hardy asked.

Miller just stared at him as if he were stupid.  But when she spoke, the words were low and uncertain.  “We could be.”

Life had been hell to her.  It had driven her out of her home.  It had robbed her of precious friends.  It had left her alone, and hurting, and hurtful.  

“We should be,” Hardy agreed.  

@it-is-ineffable, @marvelmisha, @e3105eb, @may-darling, @bigleosis, @stardust-andwine, @echelongaga, @imnotokaywiththerunning, @heirofsarcasm 

[your-kpopmama]

Easter Lunch

Happy Easter, Mona. ;)  Hahahahahahhahaaaa.

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Warning: SMUT SMUT SMUT

Words: 3,755

Easter dinner with your parents was always a boring event. You drive two hours to their house, sit through church, go back to their place for lunch and drive the two hours back home. It was the same thing every year since you moved out after high school. Your parents put your life under a microscope and picked out any little thing that they didn’t like and proceeded to write you up a detailed report of why you should move back home because ‘that simply wouldn’t happen’ if you were under their care. They never gave you any slack for anything at all.

Currently your mother was on the other end of your phone, telling you about all the wonderful things your sister has accomplished this year and how you should have been more like her, how you should have listened more and you could be just as successful. For what felt like the millionth time that morning, your rolled your eyes and made a mocking face to no one in particular.

“Y/N. Am I on speaker phone again? Did you set the phone on the counter? I can hear the echo. Do you know how rude that is?” her voice getting more shrill with each word that came through the phone. She caught you - again - and probably not for the last time. You were busy packing an overnight bag to spend with your boyfriend Yoongi over Easter weekend instead of going to your parents house, that’s what you had originally called her for. She was still squaking away when Yoongi popped his head around the doorframe to see you ignoring your mother.

“Hello, Jisoo!” he shouted loudly into the room causing you to jump at the sound of his voice and quickly pick the phone up from your dresser. One thing you knew your mother hated more than anything you did, was Yoongi. He was an aspiring rapper and producer downtown. It wasn’t what your mother wanted your future husband to be doing - she wanted you to date a lawyer or a doctor - and you wanted to date Yoongi. The two of you had only been together for about nine months now and any chance your mother got, she took little jabs at his career choice.

“Yoongi, darling. I hope you’re well. How’s your, uh, job downtown? Still aspiring to be a rapper?” your mother’s voice condescending on the other end of the phone causing Yoongi to crack a smile.

“MY job is going well, thank you for asking. Any plans for Easter?” he pressed, your eyes looking into his with urgency, begging him to stop while he was ahead.

“Didn’t y/n tell you? She’s coming home this weekend. She does every year.” her matter-of-fact tone sent shivers down your spine, she annoyed you so much it was unbearable.

“Actually, mom, I’m no-” you started to say before she cut you off again.

“Why don’t you come home with her this weekend, darling? It’s about time we meet anyhow.” she offered. Oh no. The one thing you were actually dreading. You had yet to bring Yoongi home to your parents for specific reasons. Your sister and her husband had met him already when they ran into the two of you at a coffee shop a few weeks back, the meeting going a lot more smoothly than you thought it would. Hyejin treated your brother with some respect, but was still critisizing him for his line of work. Yoongi took it in stride.

“That’s sounds lovely, Jisoo! My folks actually just called to cancel our Easter plans as well. My brothers wife just gave birth to their first child today so they’re out of town.” Yoongi replied, looking at you with a wicked smile, one you knew that meant he was up to no good.

“Perfect! I’ll make sure to set out an extra spot for you darling. See you this weekend, Y/N. Can’t wait to meet you…Yoongi.” and with that the phone line went dead.

You dropped your head into your hands and groaned loudly earning a chuckle from Yoongi who was patting your back. “It’ll be okay y/n. It’s about time we met with your family anyhow.” he said with a grin.

“Why do I feel like this is going to be the worst Easter dinner to date?” you asked yourself.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

The drive to your parents house was nothing special. The closer you got, the bigger the houses and the more expensive the cars you passed became. Even though you grew up here, you weren’t used to it all still. It was the one thing of your past you hated, how much money you grew up having. You tried to live humbly, you tried to sneak out in clothes that weren’t designer. Your mother had other ideas. You were almost embarassed by it all. Not really having the place to complain, but you knew the money your family blew in a week on things that had zero purpose to them, could be spent better elsewhere.

You took a lot of your allowance your parents gave you and donated them to random charities over the city - they weren’t entirely thrilled - but even they weren’t that cruel to insist you stop. That’s how you met Yoongi. You had dropped by his studio one day to inquire about how to donate to the kids program there. It took in kids who were struggling financially and gave them an outlet to express themselves and give them better opportunities in life. Yoongi was running a program to teach some kids about producing and was utterly blown away by the donation you wanted to make towards new equipment. He had caught your eye too, and within a month the two of you were dating.

Around 1p.m. you finally arrived at the gate to your parents estate. Taking a deep breath you buzzed yourself in and drove up the driveway and parked in front. A low whistle could be heard from Yoongi in the passenger seat. he let out a small ‘damn’ as he gawked out of the window up at the luxurious white house in front of the two of you.

“I knew you had money, y/n but damn.” he said in awe causing a blush to creep up your neck. One thing you made sure Yoongi knew what that you weren’t an ATM for him and didn’t plan on blowing all your money on him. Sure you spoiled him on his birthday and on Christmas, but other than that, you hardly spent any money if it wasn’t necessary. He was okay with that though, and he was happy you decided to live the way you did.

“Let’s get this over with. We got lucky we were able to talk ourselves out of church services, this lunch if about the be Hell.” you grumbled before yanking your seat belt off and opening the door with more force than required. Yoongi chuckled at your attitude and followed silently behind you.

Walking into the front doors of the house Yoongi let out another low whistle, “Are you a damn bird?” you barked at him softly, causing him to laugh at you yet again. “I’m sorry. I’m just irritated. I hate coming here.” you apologized as you grabbed onto his hand.

You pulled Yoongi through the white marbled foyer into the sitting room that was adorned in abstract art pieces from all over the world that your father loved to collect. The plush white couches sat empty as a maid gently sat down a piping hot tea tray on the glass coffee table before bowing to you and walking back into the hallway that lead to the kitchen. Walking to the couch you flopped down and began pouring yourself some tea, not even waiting for your mother and father, who you knew couldn’t be too far behind. Yoongi sat down gently beside you, rubbing small circles on your lower back hoping to ease some of the attention.

Loud clicking of heels could be heard on the marble heading your way. You internally groaned. A woman of about 50 walked through the sitting room, a spitting image of you only with more wrinkles around the eyes. A small polite smile sat on her face. Her outfit screaming ‘yeah im made of money’ a cream silk top paired with a pastel pink skirt. A bun tied neatly at the nape of her neck.

“Y/n! My darling!” she cooed as she walked towards your position on the couch, already eyeing the half eaten cookie in your hand. You forced a smile on your face as you sat down your cookie and stood to hug your mother.

“Hi, mom.” you mumbled as she enveloped you into a warm hug and releasing you just as quickkly. “This is Yoongi.” you turned to gesture towards Yoongi who had already stood behind you. He gave a small polite bow before extending his hand for your mother to take. A hand which she took with scrutinization in her eyes.

“Nice to finally meet you, darling.” she forced a small smile, eyeing him up and down - the smile never leaving Yoongi’s face. “Your father is in the dining room waiting. Let’s go.” her tone was clipped as she turned, earning an eyeroll from you before you slipped your hand into Yoongi’s and followed your mother.

Your father appeared in the dining room the same time you did as he walked out of the kitchen. You had always favored him more than your mother. He was always more fair to you than she was. He wanted your happiness, she wanted your success. His hair was more grey this time around than it was at Christmas, a hazard of his job you guessed. He owned a business that employed over a million people all over the world, and he made sure each and every one of them always had something worth coming to work for. He cared so much for his employees.

“Dad!” you yelled as you let go of Yoongi’s hand and ran to your father, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. He laughed and squeezed you tightly back laughing.

“Nice to see you, Y/N. We have missed you around here.” he ruffled your hair and looked up and locked eyes with Yoongi. “This must be the amazing boyfriend I’ve heard so much about! Yoongi, was it?” he extended his hand out for Yoongi to shake, smiling.

“Yes, sir. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Yoongi let go of your fathers hand and you returned to his side.

“Alright, let’s get set down for lunch. Your sister is running late today, she had to run back into the office to do some emergency paperwork that needed to be filed.” your mother cut in as she took her seat at the table.

You and Yoongi sat down as your mother signalled for the staff to bring in the lunch they had probably spent the past two days preparing it to your mothers strict requests. Everything looked delicious, and you could see Yoongi practically drooling from the corner of your eyes. The first half of lunch was relatively silent aside from forks hitting plates and your mother every now and then slurping on her wine.

“So, Yoongi, Y/N said that you’re a producer? Have you made any songs that I may have heard?” your dad questioned through a bite of his ham.

“Ah, probably not. I work mostly with kids and teach them how to work in the studio. I work with a charity downtown where I live.” Yoongi answered, his hand sliding to your lap when he saw you tense slightly.

“Charity work? That’s a respectable thing to do.” your father commented.

“But, does it pay the bills?” your mother piped in with her two cents.

“Mom..” you started before you felt Yoongi’s hand slowly sliding your dress up your thighs, your argument died on your lips. You sent him a questioning look his way but he paid you no mind. His eyes were focused on your mother.

“Well, not as well as most jobs would, but it does pay.” he answered with a smile, his hand travelling further up your thigh causing you to jump slightly in your seat.

“Y/N, are you alright?” your mother questioned, eyeing you over the rim of her wine glasss.

“Mhm.” you mumbled, tight lipped and staring Yoongi down who had still not yet looked your way.

Your father continued to take an interest in Yoongi’s life, while your mother used her usual know it all tone when she tried to speak down about everything he said. Yoongi took everything in stride, even as his hand slipped between your thighs and moved higher. You clenched your legs together in an attempt to stop him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. He continued to converse with your parents as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

What was going through his damn head? Was he seriously trying to literally get into your pants while eating Easter dinner with your parents? You and Yoongi’s sex life was pretty active and neither of you were afraid to try new things but this was borderline insane. His hand crept higher and his attention finally turned to you for a split second when he reached where he was wanting to go. You hadn’t wore underwear with this dress today and he just figured that out. A flash of desire was in his eyes and gone in the same second.

He coaxed your legs apart once more and ran a single finger up and down your folds before gently pushing one finger inside of you, causing you to take a deep breath. All of your attention was focused on Yoongi’s face, trying to make it seem like you were listening to everything he said, when in reality you hadn’t really heard anything he has said in the past few minutes. He had your father laughing and your mother trying to hide an amused smile with whatever it was that he said.

His finger slowly moved in and out of you at an agonizingly slow pace. With no warning once he was satisfied with how wet you had gotten, he slipped in a second finger. You jumped at the sudden intrusion and your mother sighed. “Seriously, y/n What has gotten into you today?” your mother scolded. You muttered an apology and took a generous sip of your own wine before your parents continued conversation with Yoongi.

Biting your bottomg lip, you tried to keep your noises at bay. One thing Yoongi was good at, was getting you to make the most sinful noises by doing the most amazing things to your body. You cold see the small smirk that was playing at his lips while you struggled to keep a moan from slipping out.

“Sorry we’re late!” your sister called as soon as she walked into the dining room, her husband in tow. “Y/N! Yoongi! So good to see you both again!” she said coming over to hug you quickly. Never indicating she noticed what was going on under the table. She took a seat across from you and Yoongi, joining in on the conversation with your parents.

Yoongi’s fingers began to move faster, creating a hot friction between your thighs, building up the tension in the lower part of your stomach. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, his thumb was suddenly on your clit and rubbing dangerously fast. A low moan crept out without warning and you had to cover it up with a fake coughing fit. Your mother simply shook her head at you - your sister watched you with amused eyes.

The pressure was becoming too much, your breathing was picking up and you could feel yourself on the brink of an orgasm if Yoongi kept going. “Y/N? You look flushed honey. Why don’t you go lay down? Show Yoongi where you two will be sleeping?” you could hear your faathers concerned voice over the idle chit chat at the table. If you weren’t blushing before, you sure as hell were now. Yoongi removed his fingers quickly and wiped them on the inside of his jeans before standing up and helping you from your chair. You didn’t trust your legs at this point.

'I’ll send someone up in about an hour to collect you for tea and dessert.“ your mother called, you just waved in acknowledgment as you dragged Yoongi through the house to your bedroom upstairs. You pulled him into the room and slammed and locked the door, whirling on him.

“What the hell?” you hissed.

“You were tense. I was just helping.” he smirked at you, walking towards you like a predator towards prey. His arms came around your waist and pulled you to him. “You still look a little tense. Let me help you…y/n let me make you feel good.” he whispered into your ear, causing shivers to roll down your spine.

You didn’t answer you just leaned more into his touch - a sigh escaped your lips. “That’s a good girl.” he murmured as he kissed your neck while his hands busied themselves with pulling your skirt up over your waist. “You’re so naughty, not wearing any underwear today. It’s almost like you had this planned.” he bunched your  skirt into one hand while the other made its way back between your thighs. “So wet..” he whispered before placing two fingers back inside of you.

This time you let the moans fall free from your lips. Yoongi’s fingers pumped faster nearly bringing you to your climax once again. A groan of frustration escaped from your lips when he pulled his fingers free once again. “Not yet babygirl. Not yet. I’m not done with you.”

Yoongi pulled you towards your bed, pushing you gently so you were bent over the edge, ass in the air and on perfect display for him. You raised up on your elbows and looked back in time to see him pushing his pants down around his ankles before stepping out of them completely and pressing his hips against your ass. “You look so pretty like this y/n.”

“Yoongi, please.” you were practically ready to beg at this point. The anticipation was becoming too much. You needed him and you needed him now after all of that teasing. Yoongi licked his lips and placed his hands around your hips and pulled you against him.

“OKay, babygirl. I’ll take care of you.” his cock was lined up with your entrance and he pushed in gently, giving you a moment to adjust. No matter how many times you had sex with Yoongi, it always took you by surprise how much bigger he was than you remembered. And you fucking loved it. “You ready?” he grunted softly, his fingerd digging into your hips. You just nodded, knowing you wouldn’t be able to make a sound right now.

Yoongi’s pace started off slow, still allowing you to adjust slightly before his thrusting became fast and hard. The only sounds in the room were his harsh breathing and the slapping of his hips against your ass as he thrust into you - an occasional moan from you. “You always take it so good, babygirl. You’re so good to me.” Yoongi muttered from above you as he thrust harder into you from behind.

“Fuck Yoongi..” you moaned when he hit that spot that made you see stars. “Yoongi..” you started again but interupted by another moan falling from your mouth. His hips thrusting becoming harder, sending your mind reeling from your train of thought. God, did it feel good. Sex with Yoongi was never boring to say the least.

“Ahhhh, fuCK” Yoongi moaned out loud as you started to move with him, meeting his hips with your own thrusts, creating a tighter feeling in your stomach. “Babygirl, ahh I love it when you do that.” he moaned as his hand came down and slapped your ass, pulling a moan from you in return.

“Yoongi..I can’t..I can’t hold on much longer.” you moaned. “I’m gonna..”

“I got you babygirl.” he grunted, his hands gripping your hips almost painfully as his thrusts became harder and faster than before. “Let go baby.” he moaned as his thrusting finally brought you over the edge. A loud moan came from you as his thrusting began to become erratic, as he sought his own orgasm. “Babygirl, I’m gonna cum…fuck…” he warned you before his final thrust into you.

He held your hips still as his rode out his high, his body almost collapsing ontop of yours. His lips leaving searing kissed down your exposed back from where he shoved your dress out of the way. “Fuck..” he whispered before pulling of out you and falling beside you on the bed out of breath.

“You okay? I didn’t hurt you or anything?” his eyes were closed but his hand reached out for you. You turned to your side and laid your head on his shoulder.

“I’m fine. Let’s get cleaned up.” you said, planting a small kiss on his temple before half stumbling to your bathroom and returning with a clothe for him to clean up after you finished cleaning yourself up. “You know this is supposed to be your job.” you joked when you laid back down beside him on the bed.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I think I over did it.” he chuckled, taking the rag from you and quickly cleaning up and redressing. He laid back down beside you on the be and pulled you close. “We have about another half hour before we have to go back down. Wanna go again?”

“Are you crazy?” you laughed swatting his ass playfully.

“I take that as a yes.” he leaned over you and kissed you softly before pushing your hair behind your ear and looking down at you. “I love you.” he said.

Your cheeks flushed a full red and you smiled. It was the first time he said it to you and you had been waiting almost a whole month to say it to him, but he beat you to it. You just smiled at him and pecked his lips quickly. “I love you too.” Yoongi grinned down at you and cuddled back against your side, the two of you drifting off to a small nap.

[anxiousheart4]

Looking for a Lifeline!

I know it's been a while since I’ve posted in my own words, in fact it's been almost a year, I’m sorry for that. I’ve always been terrible at keeping up with journaling, so why would I think blogging would be any different? Lol. 

If you haven’t noticed, I am a fan of TWLOHA and its message to everyone. I've always followed them, and they mean a great deal to me. So I hope in my absence, you’ve enjoyed the posts of theirs I've been sharing.  🙂

Anyways, I don’t have any really good excuse for while I haven’t posted for a long while  (well I do between Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, but not since then), and I even got a new laptop this year, that works SOOOO much better then my old, glitchy, slow ass one; so not having a computer can’t be my excuse. And I've had a lot of free time this Summer, so I can’t even say I was busy either. Basically no excuse, but I’m back; so lets catch up.

So, between Thanksgiving and Christmas I was working 4 jobs!

-Mon-Fri 8am-4pm at an office job that I hated.

-Sat & Sun at the Zoo taking kids photos with Santa

-And then Mon-Fri nights, I switched between working at my local GameStop, and helping at my other local Zoo taking Santa photos as well.

The office job I was working was doing bookkeeping at a nursing home. I met some nice residents there, and some mean ones. I met some nice co-workers, and some I didn’t quite get along with. There was 3 other girls in my office. 

One was extremely nice and helpful, and patient with trying to teach me, I got along with her quite well. I would actually have conversations with her, and it felt like she did want to get to know me. 

Another was the Boss’ wife, and she was nice and all, but also very intimidating, and she never made me feel welcomed; she would be having a conversation with the other 2 girls, but as soon as I tried to join the conversation it was like “we got to get back to work” and the conversation stopped. 

And the last girl, I would have thought I would have gotten along with her so well, we have the same taste in music and tv shows, I was like oh yay we can bond! NOPE! I did everything she gave me to do, and asked me to do and it was never good enough, or fast enough, or competent enough, or just enough. She made me feel like a complete failure! And unless she needed me for something, it was like I didn’t even exist! She would go out for lunch, and ask the other 2 girls in the office if they wanted her to bring back anything, and she never even looked my way and asked me once, never! Seriously the best days at work were when she didn’t come in for some reason or another.

Besides the one girl, no one else ever tried to make me feel welcomed in the office, I spent 6 months of my life feeling like an outcast at work, looking for a lifeline, just trying to survive. Apparently the girls in the office went out after work and hung out together, not like I was ever invited to join and get to know them. Instead I went to the movie theater next to work where a friend of mine was a manager and would stop in to see her or go see a movie all by myself. The only time I was ever invited out with them was when they would go to lunch for someones birthday, and still I think that was mostly because every one split the bill evenly except the birthday girl (which I do approve of), so it was a little less money for everyone else. Only the one girl made me feel like I was actually welcomed, otherwise I just listened to their conversations, cause no one seemed to wanna include me. And Surprise Surprise! They never did anything for my birthday! They do all this stuff for the employees birthdays, bring in breakfast, go out to lunch, decorate their office, etc. all I got was a generic card they did for everyone “Happy Birthday from ’The Companies Name’”.

I think one thing that can make even the worst job in the world bearable, is your co workers. I’ve had some terrible jobs, but I had some awesome co workers, so I didn’t dread going to work as much everyday because I got to see them. Safe to say, most of my coworkers there never made me feel like a coworker, a friend, or anything else. I went to work everyday dreading the next 8 hours of my life. When I got let go, I never even said good bye to any of the other people who worked I the building, I only said good bye to the nice one in my office and that’s it. So the ONLY things I liked about the job, was that I got to sit down to work, and the money, oh the money! I miss the money soo bad! But the job gave me SOOO much stress and anxiety, idk if it was worth the money. 😞

Although, I was able to buy my new computer, a MacBook Air, and I have wanted a MacBook since I was in high school, I just could never afford it.

My other jobs, were pretty good, only minor complaints. But I LOVED my coworkers at the other 3 jobs! The biggest complaint was that I had no time to myself because I was so busy.

Gamestop was cool, after only being there for a couple weeks they interviewed me for a supervisor position, they believed I was competent enough! The only reason I didn’t take it, was cause I got the office job, and I couldn’t turn down the money (though now I wish I hadn’t, it would have saved me soo much stress and anxiety). So I stayed seasonal, so when the holiday season was over, my employment was over there. 

The one Zoo I worked at during the week, I've worked at for years now, and I love it, and the guys who play Santa are sooo nice, I get some really nice guests, and 90% of the time everything goes smoothly, and I actually hang out with my coworkers outside of work! 

The other Zoo I worked at Sat & Sun was pretty much the same as the first Zoo, I love my co workers, and actually hang out with them outside of work. The big complaint about that Zoo, was the guy who played Santa. HE WAS AN ASSHOLE! He had an opinion on everything, and had a problem with how we run our business, and he wouldn’t even let the kids tell him what they wanted for Christmas. We told him we wanted to get a picture of the kids talking to him, and he would tell the kids to “look at him and PRETEND to tell him what they wanted” and then as soon as I took the photo, even if the kid was in the middle of something he would just kick the kid off his lap and move on to the next family. I’m sorry, but if I had kids, I would definitely NOT want them to go see that Santa! I don’t see how so many people line up to see him, and he’s been Santa at the Zoo for years! How has he not lost the Zoo business! But I still like my job, so I'm going back again this year! Lol

Anyways, so that was my holidays, as were coming up to another holiday, lol.

After the holidays, and my busy schedule, I went to Arizona and Mexico for 10 days, and it was AMAZING and relaxing, with only a few hiccups. Like an all inclusive resort without free wifi! What is that? I was gonna use wifi to check in with family back home, but that didn’t happen! And the the room was falling apart, and one of our rooms had bugs in it, and maids didn’t clean very well, like wtf kind of resort was this? But besides that, I got to see and hang out with my sister from another mister who lives in AZ and I don’t get to see often. We went line dancing, which was FANTASTIC! I got to spend my 29th birthday in Mexico, Florida, and AZ + flying over the states between! And with the time difference my birthday lasted 26 hours instead of 24! And I didn’t think about work once during the whole trip until they day I had to come back, and it was because I didn’t wanna come back and go to work!

WOW this is getting long, I'm sorry, only a couple more topics I need to talk out. Its been a very stressful year!

Well after I lost the office job, I've been pretty much Ubering for money, and not making too much of it. But all summer I got to spend weekends going to Bridal/Baby Showers, Weddings and family parties, which I've never really gotten to do before (well besides the weddings, I've never missed a family wedding), so that was awesome! And the weekends we didn’t have an parties, I went up north to my family’s summer home, which my parents just got about 2 years ago, and I’ve barely been able to go before. Which is soo much fun! Ice cream socials, the pool, bonfires, drinking games, bar hoping out on the boat! Nothing about it isn’t fun! So YAY!

If you remember, last November I moved in with my 93 year old grandma with dementia. This experience has been stressful. She spends her days trying to call her mother and grandmother, who are at the cemetery; pacing around the house; she puts dirty dishes in the dishwasher away and washes clean dishes twice; she sets the air conditioning and heat up to 80 degrees, I swear she’s trying to kill me. Its very hard, but I love her, and I love that I get this time to spend with her. And thank god for my mom who is only a call away to help with grandma when my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t deal with her atm, I wouldn’t survive this without her!

This week is going to try me though. I’m staying home all week with grandma, because she just had surgery. She had skin cancer on her nose, and they had to remove it. She’s fine, but she has a bandage on her nose that she isn’t suppose to take off, and yet she does like every time I look away, she’s not supposed to irritate it by touching it or blowing her nose, but she tries to blow her nose every 5 mins. And she’s suppose to sit down and relax with her head back so it doesn’t start bleeding again, I swear she won’t stay sitting if her life depended on it. Ill probably write more about living with her at a later date, but Ill leave it to that now. 

Lastly, while I was sitting down writing the blog post, I got a call that just devastated me. My grandma on my other side, has been having some health issues the last week and it has not been looking good, I was going to go see her tomorrow night. Well my mom called me to let me know that she passed away tonight. She was 82 years old, and though she would technically be my step-grandma, she was the only one I ever knew on that side, and I loved her just the same. My dads mom died of tuberculosis probably about a decade before I was born, but my grandpa remarried an amazing woman, and some of my extended family had trouble accepting her (the cousins opinions, usually based on their parents, who probably thought she was trying to take their mothers place, like some kids react to a step mom), but I always saw her as grandma. What kills me is the last time I saw her, I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye! It was my cousins wedding at the beginning of October, and even though I talked to her during the wedding, when she left that night, I was out on the dance floor or somewhere, and didn’t know she was leaving, so I never said goodbye. And now I'll never have the chance too!! I know she knew I loved her, and though her body was deteriorating, her mind was still has sharp as ever! She was a sweetheart! And my sister and I kept saying we were going to go visit her and bring her dinner, or watch the Blackhawks game with her, and as much as we said it, we barely ever went, and I really wish we had! She was an amazing woman and I’m so happy I got to call her Grandma, but I’m going to regret not spending more time with her when I could, especially near the end! When my Grandpa died, over 15 years ago, I had actually seen him the week before, and gave him a hug and kiss goodbye before I left. Plus he died 2 days after Christmas, and he used to give all the grand children $10 for Christmas (there was 29 of us at the time so for him that was still a lot of money), so I had gotten one last Christmas present from him, which I never spent. I have $10 just sitting in a jewelry box, because nothing ever seemed important enough to spend it on. And after he died I was given his guitar, which I still cherish! I fear I won’t have nothing but 1 picture with my grandma to remember her by. Its going to be hard to say goodbye!  😭

So since its 2 am, and I've been holding back tears while I've been writing this post, and my anxiety and depression will probably be bad this week, I think its time for me to go to bed. Sweet Dreams sweet readers!