#I’m gonna save myself the pain (lies. again)

[cyle-stuff]

SPOILERS FOR GENSHIN’S 4.2 ARCHON QUEST!!!

NOT MELUS AND SLIVER BEING IN THE NEW NAVIA STICKER

FUCK IM SAD AGAIN

[kakashiislut]

I’m Sorry: Kakashi Hatake.

Fem reader

———————————————————————————

“I’m sorry…”

They weren’t just words; they were a verdict, a sentence, a truth you hadn’t wanted to hear.

You heard them again, echoing in the hollow of your mind. No distractions could drown it out—not music, not sleep, not the rain outside that filled the silence in your room.

“I always saw you as a friend.”

Friend. The word cut deeper than you’d expected, sinking its claws into your thoughts. A week had passed since that moment, but the ache hadn’t faded. It kept you in bed, curled up beneath your sheets like they could shield you from the rawness of reality.

“I’m sorry if I made it seem like I liked you…”

The memory of your response haunted you as much as his words. You’d laughed, a brittle sound that barely held itself together, your fingers clutching the bouquet you’d bought with such hopeful care.

“Oh my god, you are so silly, Kakashi Hatake.”

Your voice had trembled, but you’d forced it into a teasing lilt, tilting your head just enough to look convincing.

“I don’t mean I love you like that… It’s just ‘cause you’re such a good friend. I want to appreciate you.”

You lied to save face. And worse, he knew it.

Kakashi had smiled then, that same crinkling of his eye you adored. He’d laughed, loud and warm, like it hadn’t just gutted you to play off your feelings as nothing.

“I’m so sorry, that’s so embarrassing… Thank you. How did you know I liked orchids?”

You’d shrugged, offering a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Lucky guess.” The truth was, you’d noticed the way he lingered near them once, how his gaze softened like they carried a memory you’d never know.

Now, you were here, buried in your bed as the storm raged outside. The rain pelted your window, the rhythm both soothing and harsh, its sporadic bursts of thunder jolting you out of your thoughts.

But even the storm couldn’t wash away the memories.

“Run!” His voice had been filled with laughter that day, a rare, carefree moment that echoed in your heart. You’d chased after him through the downpour, both of you soaked to the bone.“Kakashi fucking Hatake!” you’d shouted between bursts of laughter. “You said it wasn’t gonna rain!” He’d chuckled, sheepishly scratching at his mask. “Forgive me…”

And you had. You always did. Even now, as the pain lingered, you couldn’t bring yourself to resent him.

If you hurt me, I’d blame myself.

The storm blurred the line between the past and the present.

You remembered the warmth of the ramen stand, the way Kakashi had waved so casually to Teuchi as though nothing in the world could touch him. He’d ordered for you, remembering your preferences without hesitation.

“Two miso, please—extra tofu for the lady.”

His words had made you feel seen, cared for. But then there was the teasing.

“Oh my… your mascara…”

He’d reached across, cupping your face with both hands, his thumb smudging the mess even further. His touch had been warm, his tone light, but the way he focused on you made your chest ache.

“You look like… a trash panda,” he’d muttered, more to himself than to you, earning a small, wounded whine from your lips.

“You’re mean.” Your voice had been muffled by his firm hold.

“Ahh… you love me.” He’d said it so flippantly, his words dripping with playful confidence.

And the truth was, you did.

—

The sound of a Mourning Dove’s coo pulled you from your haze. It was soft, almost mournful, and it brought a sense of calm that you hadn’t felt in days. Slowly, you opened your eyes, letting the morning light seep into your room.

The dove perched on your windowsill, its presence delicate and unassuming. It reminded you of simpler times—scraped knees on summer pavement, chasing after fleeting happiness.

You rose from your bed, moving carefully toward the bird, not wanting to startle it. It cooed again, louder this time, before taking off into the rain-soaked branches of the tree outside.

Watching it settle among the leaves, a small, tentative smile touched your lips. For the first time in days, you felt a flicker of hope.

“Everything’s gonna be alright.”

[3-2-whump]

You Told Me It Had Stopped

<prev next>

Hi again, everyone! Ready for more pain and angst? (I wasn't asking!)

So hard to believe we're reaching the end of this story! With only five more chapters to go after this one (unless I cram in more story at the last minute), things are only gonna get crazier from here, but hopefully, it'll be just as satisfying as the last few chapters.

Shoutout to my amazing beta readers @whumped-by-glitter and @generic-whumperz , this chapter would not be what it is without them!

This chapter will have links within it referring you to previous chapters. If you have not read In Vino (et Venenum) Veritas or Tying Up Loose Ends, I'd highly suggest you give those a peek

TW/CW: slave whump, intimate whumper, manipulative whumper, emotional angst, prostitution, dehumanization, blackmail, referenced noncon, forced to watch (though not in the traditional sense)

“GOAL!” the announcer’s voice rang out over the laptop’s speakers.

Nico and Khaled cheered in unison as Portugal secured its place in the quarterfinals. Nico wrapped an arm around Khaled to hug him close, but a flash of purple from Khaled’s shirt collar stopped him.

Khaled sensed the change in atmosphere immediately. “Wait, what’s wrong?” he asked, his smile waning slightly.

“Is that a hickey?”

The sounds of cheering from a stadium half a world away were forgotten as Khaled’s smile dropped completely. He instinctively tried to adjust his shirt collar, but Nico grasped his hands in his own before he could. “Is that a hickey?” he asked again, tone serious.

Khaled nodded as his eyes turned downwards. Nico let go of his hands, frowning all the while. “I thought it had stopped,” he said, letting the disappointment creep into his voice. “You told me it had stopped, Khaled.”

“It did stop,” Khaled answered, eyes still downcast. “But then… it started up again…”

“I thought he was paying you to be his executive assistant-”

“Oh he is,” Khaled replied tersely, “and he’s paying me for this too.”

Nico faltered. “But, how –why –how could you?” Nico told himself the anger he felt was supposed to be for the Boss, and that he was misdirecting it at Khaled, who was already going through so much already. Though, if he was being completely honest with himself, his anger at Khaled wasn’t that misdirected. He was so, so tired of being lied to. “Fuck the money, why would let him do it again?!” he demanded.

“Why would I let him do it again? Do you think I have any choice in this?”

“No –yes –wait, no?” Nico shook his head. “I don’t know. What I’m trying to say is, you could’ve turned down the money, couldn’t you?!”

“Like fuck I could!” Khaled argued. “Are you the one saving up for his freedom? Don’t talk to me about money, Nico!”

“What good is money and freedom when it means losing your self-respect, and your friendship with me, Khaled?!”

Khaled made an exaggerated snort. “Some friendship we have! Remember when you took me out drinking, and I got so drunk I told you everything?”

Nico cringed at the memory, and more importantly at what came after. Khaled noticed his discomfort right away and dug his claws in deeper. “And do you remember when the Boss paid you off to keep silent about me, and you fucking took the bribe?”

“He was holding my tuition hostage-”

“Your tuition –he’s holding me hostage!”

“-That was not a bribe!”

Khaled ignored the minute distinction. “It still hurt, you know!” And then, he locked eyes with Nico. “My first and only friend since I was stolen to this awful place turned his back on me, and all I asked myself was why wasn’t I good enough, why wasn’t I worth defending!” Despite the black flames of vitriol in his eyes, Nico could see a faint, vulnerable sheen of tears. 

“Wait, shit, no-” he began to apologize. The damage was done as Khaled shoved his coat on and walked to the door. Nico belatedly reached out his hand. “I’m sorry, Khaled! I didn’t mean to hurt you like that! Come back-”

“Go fuck yourself!” Khaled cried. “It’s not like you want to be friends with someone who sells themselves, anyway,” he murmured angrily as he let the door slam behind him.

Nico was left all alone with his regrets as the game played on his laptop in the background.

-

Three days after they had that argument, and Khaled had not seen Nico for lunch since. That was entirely expected though. He had hurt his friend immensely, and, three days later, he was still no closer to coming up with a sufficient apology for what he’d said. He decided to at least add the new mark to his log, although he regretted not being able to snap a covert picture of it to add to his records. He ducked into his backpack’s inner pocket to retrieve his flash drive, where he made it a habit of storing all evidence of Khaled’s abuse for future reference.

It was not in the inner pocket.

Well, maybe it’s in the bottom of my backpack? Nico reasoned. He methodically took out each textbook and groped around the bottom, shining his cellphone light down there, too.

It was not at the bottom of his backpack.

Where is it?! Nico tore through his backpack, searching it thoroughly, even so much as to turn it upside down and shake it. He checked every desk drawer again and again, and emptied every pants and jacket pocket. Still no flash drive.

A chiming sound from his monitor signaled an email, a high priority one at that. Nico paused his tearing apart of the guard shack to view it.

One (1) new message from The Boss

Nico clicked it.

Looking for something? Meet me downstairs to retrieve it.

It was succinct, yet it elicited so much dread. He gulped.

As if crossing the parking lot late at night in the dead of January wasn’t creepy enough, Nico stood at the top of the stairwell leading to the infamous T & I cellar, feeling the winter’s chill even inside the brick and mortar walls of the mansion. Even from the top of the stairs it smelled like dried blood, and the dimness of the room below made it look as if the stairs descended into an abyss. He steeled his nerves and descended into the abyss, step by concrete step, painfully aware of how much noise his shoes made in the quietness of the empty building.

Even though he had seen the T & I cellar in the security footage, Nico realized nothing compared to being down there in person. Dusty, red bricked walls arched into a curved ceiling where two overhead lamps dangled unlit like limp, long dead jellyfish. The fireplace was concealed behind a large white sheet, stretched taut and glowing bluish white over the expanse of the wall. The opposing wall still boasted its rack lined with various instruments of torture out in the open. In the middle sat one large table with scratch marks furrowed into its edges, and large mottled stains of red that could be traced down to the concrete floors below. Nico thought he would be sick just looking at the bloodstains alone. There were chairs pulled up to that table, though, one of which was occupied by the boss Don Costa himself, looking mighty smug in the dimness of the room. Near the edge of the table was a projector and a laptop, operated by Khaled, who stood silently beside the table bearing his own bloodstains as if he weren’t affected at all. His dark brown eyes flitted to Nico once, possibly just to confirm he was there, before resolutely fixing back onto the laptop and projector in front of him. Nico couldn’t blame him for being mad at him still.

“Nico Clemenza,” Don Costa greeted, breaking the tension between the two friends, “do you have any idea why you’re here?”

I’m not in trouble, I’m not in trouble, I’m not in trouble -am I? Nico thought. That tone of voice and the whole context of meeting in the T & I cellar certainly seemed to contradict that. “You have something that I’m looking for, sir?” He didn’t mean for it to be asked like a question, but right now he wasn’t sure what the safe answer would be.

“That’s right,” his boss affirmed, smirking condescendingly. “I got a little tip-off from Bennie and Michael last weekend that you have been rather cagey about a certain flash drive.”

Dad and Uncle Mike? The last time Nico had seen them was when he’d just visited home last weekend. He had gotten into an argument with his uncle over Khaled’s treatment, and he had pushed his dad out of his room when he’d asked about the flash drive labeled ‘Saved Footage’. Did they go through my stuff when I wasn’t there? Did they find the flash drive and snitch on me?! He knew the oath of loyalty these men had taken, but the betrayal by his own family still hurt.

“I asked Khaled about it, but my poor pet didn’t seem to know what it was for, either,” the boss continued. “So you can imagine how he reacted –how both of us reacted, when we plugged it in and saw all that saved footage.”

Nico’s face paled in horror, eyes widening as he realized how years-worth of Khaled’s torture saved to his personal device must have looked out of context. He quickly turned to Khaled to beg for his understanding. “Khaled, I can explain, it’s not what it looks like!” he protested. His friend finally turned toward him, delicate lips downturned into a slight frown. “I don’t know what he told you, but please, believe me, I can explain!”

“Oh, we know what it looks like,” Don Costa sneered. “It’s funny, I always wondered why you were so interested in my slave, but now it makes perfect sense!” He laughed as Nico’s jaw worked up and down, sputtering in a pathetic attempt to verbally defend himself. Khaled meanwhile stayed still as a statue, focusing only on the laptop screen in front of him. “I could just get you your own once you graduate, you know, like as a graduation present. You don’t have to lower yourself to befriend mine.” He tilted his head toward the projector. “So, here you were, playing at being friends with my pet while stealing away all those moments caught on film the whole time, whether it be for your own pleasure or-” The older man raised his eyebrows as a mischievous sharpness glinted in those cold gray eyes. “-Maybe you’re uploading them somewhere for the pleasure of millions?”

Nico choked a little at the baseless accusation.

“But, whether you’re saving them for your personal spank bank or uploading them to a porn site, you are still called down here for violating your NDA,” Thomas concluded. He whipped out a stack of papers and dramatically slammed them onto the table, the impact echoing a bit in the otherwise silent room. Nico eyed the stack of papers warily. When he first started working for Costa Insurance, he did what anyone else would and skimmed the document for the right places to initial or sign. Now, as a nearly completed law student, he recognized the weight of the consequences that violating an NDA would lead to.

“Go on, have a seat.”

Nico approached the table like a death row convict on the way to his execution. He lowered himself into the chair and stared down at the document before him, thumbing through its pages as he now read every word. He obviously must have taken too long, as the man seated in front of him cleared his throat impatiently as he murmured, “Page eight, paragraph B.”

Nico flipped there. “There shall be no extraction or publication of client’s names, addresses, accounts, or other personal information outside the grounds of Costa Insurance,” he read aloud.

Before he could ask for an explanation, Don Costa turned toward his slave, who had remained silent throughout the whole thing. “Khaled, play February 9, 2018.” Khaled typed into the laptop almost robotically as he brought up the footage from the specified date. There, projected on the makeshift screen for all three viewers in the room to see, was footage of Khaled lying naked on the ground with his hands tied behind his back, a silk tie wedged into his mouth, and Jaime’s boot on top of his head. Nico recognized it from the Key Game era.

“See, there,” the boss pointed out, referring to a desktop screen in the peripheral of the video.

Nico scoffed. “But you can hardly even read that!”

“Nevertheless, there is sensitive client information on that computer screen that cannot leave these grounds.” He nodded toward Khaled. “September 24, 2018.” Khaled obeyed, his face a calm mask of detachment as he pulled up another video of his own tortures. The next scene featured Khaled, on his knees, sucking off Nico’s uncle as he and the Boss talked business. “There, on the coffee table,” Don Costa directed him. The list of phone numbers was slightly more legible than the previous leak of sensitive information. A pit of dread opened in the bottom of Nico’s stomach. How many more of these videos coincidentally contained sensitive information in their periphery? Were they placed within the camera frame on purpose?

“Khaled, November 21-”

“I get it, I get it,” Nico objected, palms raised up. “I fucked up, I get it. So, what do you want me to do about it, sir?”

Don Costa’s mouth upturned into a sickening grin. “Easy! Destroy the flash drive, take down whatever videos you posted, and, should this data leak come to bite us in the ass one day, take full responsibility for it and resign,” he explained.

Destroy all the evidence? Nico gulped. He wasn’t keen on losing years’ worth of documented human rights abuses, but he also didn’t want to deal with the threat of litigation.

“What are you willing to give to see Khaled happy and free, as he should be?” Julio’s question haunted him. Nico summoned his courage to look the bastard in the eyes. “And if I refuse?” he asked.

Khaled visibly perked up, shooting a questioning glance at Nico’s rare moment of defiance. Meanwhile, the smile dropped off Thomas’ face. “Then I reenact every single thing I’ve done to Khaled that you’ve saved on that little flash drive of yours,” he threatened. Khaled’s attention focused back onto his master, and although Nico may have imagined it, the young man trembled. “You have years’ worth of footage, and the night is still young.”

“You’re bluffing,” Nico replied, ignoring the certainty in his mind that this man was not bluffing. “You nearly killed him last spring when you carved his back open! Are you really going to take that risk again?”

The boss merely shrugged. “He survived the last time, why not?” he asked nonchalantly.

Khaled’s face paled, taking on a sickly color as his trembling worsened. Nico folded. “Okay, okay, fine!” The last thing he wanted to see was Khaled getting tortured and knowing he could’ve stopped it. Nico thrust forward a reluctant but outstretched palm. “Give me the flash drive, and I’ll smash it right here,” he promised.

Khaled breathed an almost-imperceptible sigh of relief, but the boss stopped him just before he could unplug the flash drive. “Wait, before you smash it, I just gotta know…” He smiled conspiratorially at Nico. “What part was your favorite?”

-

Nico waited patiently for the phone on the other end to pick up that night, drumming his fingers against his desk as he overlooked the city from his bedroom window. Eventually, the repetitive ringing was replaced by a very loud Pitbull remix, followed by a heavily accented “Alvarez Auto and Motorcycles, what do you want?”

“Yeah, can you tell me my status on my radiator hose? Did you use a 9-mm wrench?” Nico asked, well-practiced in the Juicio Divino code by now. The person who had picked up the call fell silent, the music thumped on in the background, and eventually a new voice carried over the phone.

“What are you calling me for, I told you only to call me if it was an emergency!” Julio yelled. There were light shuffling sounds, and then no background music at all, an indication that Nico’s partner in crime had moved to a more private place to talk.

“We need to try to kill him again,” Nico explained, getting straight to the point. “Things are getting worse on my end.”

“Worse, what do you mean worse?” Julio’s breath hitched a little. “Does he know you’re working with me?!”

“No, he –he found my flash drive,” Nico explained. “Made me destroy it. That’s four-ish years of evidence, gone.”

Julio went silent for a couple seconds before coming to the same conclusion. “You’re right. We need to kill him again. And this time, I won’t miss.”

“We won’t miss,” Nico corrected. “We’re in this together, partner.”

The static-y sigh on the other end of the line made Nico’s heart do something weird and tingly. “Yes we are,” Julio conceded. He hung up. Nico brought the phone down from his ear and caught his own reflection in the window. He was smiling.

Le Tag List: @kabie-whump @rainydaywhump @whumped-by-glitter @skittles-the-whumpee @generic-whumperz @bamber344 @there-will-always-be-blood @morning-star-whump @a-la-whump @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees

@defire

[justhereformilgram]

Why yes I do find myself becoming enthralled with multimedia stories primarily told through songs and sometimes manga and other ways with characters labeled numbers one to ten who are all so complicated and deep <3

Under the cut is spoilers/speculation for the Kagerou Project and trial one and trial two of the MILGRAM project! If you’re a fan of one of these I recommend checking the other two out! Also discussion of suicide topics and general dark content considering these tragic characters

Ok those up above are just paired by number (prison number and order of joining the mekkakushi dan) but here is how I’d pair them based on power/themes + explanations, maybe even if there was a crossover or au sort of thing. The ones with the blue squares are what I think definitely fit while the others I had to go back and forth on

prepare for a ton of yapping. Lol. Lmao.

Kido and Haruka: Abandonment and attention issues + the power to conceal yourself so you don’t get noticed is really interesting to me… Kido is more confident and blunt than Haruka, and yet, I do think they match up fairly well.

Seto and Mahiru: I was debating on giving Seto’s power to Yuno or even Es since it’s like. I don’t know people pleasing/the whole motif of trying to see inside of people’s minds but Mahiru having mind reading powers compels me, since she’s so empathetic. It would also make her indirect murder so much more messy since she would have likely tried to show her love more if she could viscerally sense her boyfriend struggling, but ough.

Kano and Kazui: now this. This fits like a glove. They’re all about lies and pain baybeee… Yobanashi Decieve is such a perfect Kazui song it’s not even funny. (Using the Will Stetson Eng Lyrics but like. Come on)

“Act normal and all of that, but my heart’s still rushing fast so easily”

“I bit the fruit (apple motif!!) and the snake burrowed inside of me”

“But that’s only right, cause I’m a monster in kind”

“Listen closely to this coward’s beating heart, a selfish face that’s seeped in pain, the only me that remains”

“Though I say I’m really lonely, nothing’s ever gonna change”

Mary and Amane : Okay this is a more of a hear me out but hear me out. Both sheltered from the outside/real world, albeit for different reasons, Amane by her religious organization, Mary by her mom since she has Medusa blood. Petrification as a power would be helpful for amane in that murder and/or not getting hurt again, and/or punishing sinners. Also I think Amane would judge Mary since she’s all about stopping the natural cycle of death with all those timeloops

Muu and Momo: Simply they are both popular and that power of drawing eyes is so perfect for that. Less good for Muu once everyone turns on her but it still works.

Ene and Fuuta: This is so just because digital media like video games and twitter are so important to Fuuta like yes go into the computer buddy and cyberbully on another level. They also have similar outward prickliness <3

Shintaro and ES: this is really just about main characters and retaining eyes probably going to Es…? Wasn’t too sure of this one myself tbh

Hibiya and Mikoto (and John): Ok Focusing eyes I couldn’t really think of anyone since it’s very niche but ehh..? Graphic artist??? I do think a kagerou daze situation with Mikoto and John of John trying to save Mikoto in a death loop would fit them before the twist that oh no, sacrificing yourself just continues a different cycle…

Konoha and Kotoko: they can PUNCH. mostly did this one because kotoko would love to have the power to punch people to death and also. Well. Most inter-party kills. In konoha’s case due to possession but Kotoko would prob use hers for cold hard Justice

Hiyori and Shidou: ok this was Clearing Eyes since timeline shenanigans makes it so that Hiyori isn’t part of the group most loops. Maybe I should’ve put Kenjirou instead… well… welp. Shidou would go that far for his wife, that’s all I’ll say, and also the snake of knowledge fits him

Ayano and Yuno: Wasn’t sure about this one, since tbh Novel ES (the girl one) probably fits Ayano better, but Yuno having such a emotional power, able to express her feelings to another, while having everything she has going on could be interesting. Maybe Yuno matches Hiyori better I don’t know LOL Ayano is my favorite of the kagepro bunch though

[neuroticbookworm]

La Pluie: Fuck Destiny, Communication is Key

I’m a full week late to the party because I was watching I Told Sunset About You last week and my mind just refused to focus on anything else. And now I’m finally here to write a send-off post to my beloved La Pluie, which gave me one of the most satisfying and interactive TV show experiences of my life.

I’ve been singing praises for this show’s writing for weeks now, and what better way for me to say goodbye to the show than by analyzing two immaculately written getting-back-together scenes from the finale?

Lomfon and Tien

When we last saw Lomfon in the penultimate episode, he apologized to Tai for kissing him in the rain and effectively kick-starting this whole mess. We also saw how he has worked through his feelings and understands that whatever he felt for Tai is not love; it was only rooted in Tai’s goodwill towards him, a few shared traits between him and Tai, and the fact that Tai saved his life by pushing him out of the way of a moving vehicle (a 15 second interaction, I will never get over this insanity). And Lomfon says that all this experimentation has made it clear to him where his heart actually lies.

And now, in the finale, Lomfon is working on the script for his “A Message from the Heart” project and seeking advice from Pingpong.  We see that he fully understands how much he has hurt Tien with his actions. He tells Pingpong “I messed up so much that if I were him, I would never forgive myself”. Tien overhears them and confronts Lomfon, demanding to know if he’s messing with him. “Say it”, he shouts. But Lomfon does not respond, instead insisting that he will “show him with his actions”. And Tien walks away.

This is where I realized that this show is gonna really dig in its heels and fully emphasize how much open and honest communication matters in a relationship. Love can be expressed in so many different ways, and a person’s love language is definitely unique and significant to them. But when words are DEMANDED from you, you must respond with them. You cannot work around the painful and brutal honesty that is needed to form those thoughts, and the strength and bravery needed to stand in front of the person and utter those words.

That’s why Tien walks away from Lomfon when he insists that he will “show him” instead. And that’s why he leaves the room when Lomfon’s project video starts playing. Bear in mind, as far as Tien is concerned, Lomfon still likes his brother. Lomfon has not clarified or explained anything that would justify why Tien was on that presentation screen. So when he asks demands Lomfon, and Lomfon once again tells him that he showed his heart through his actions, Tien turns to walk away. It’s when he finally opens his mouth and starts verbalizing his desire, his fears, his confusion, and his guilt, Tien stops and listens. And when Lomfon asks him what Tien feels in his heart and if he still wants to follow it, Tien finally turns around and kisses him (I will be forever obsessed with the tippy toes).

gif by @liyazaki

I adore the fact that this show never outright rejects any form of expressing love. While Tien rejected actions from Lomfon before he made his intentions clear with words, we see that after Lomfon’s confession, Tien feels no qualms in resorting to a grand and sweeping gesture, like an intense kiss that definitely popped Lomfon’s foot (the foot pop is not purely a physical act, it is a state of mind, The Princess Diaries analogy is still right and valid, I will take no critiques).

Patts and Tai

The road to redemption for Tai is much longer and harder than it was for Lomfon, and the show fully leaned into it and showed us the weight of emotional turmoil Tai must endure to finally earn forgiveness from Patts. We see him have an epiphany about how his lack of communication with Patts mirrors his mom’s approach with him (@lurkingshan). We see him finally talk to Dream, who reiterates that Patts liked Tai before he knew that they were soulmates. And we see Tai take the leap of faith and catch a flight to Chiang Mai to find Patts. My love for this show grew to uncontrollable levels when it did not let Tai find Patts immediately.

He roams the streets, day after day, trying to find the love of his life. And when he comes back to his room every evening, exhausted and alone, he sits in the dark and contemplates how painfully lonely it feels to find and communicate with someone, when your efforts don’t seem to move the needle at all. And realizing this is exactly how Patts must’ve felt in the two years of silence Tai decided to put him through. He meets Art and Phueng, who teach him, yet again, just how important it is to talk and listen to each other in a relationship. And finally, on Day 4 of his quest, Tai runs into Patts on the streets of the local marketplace.

When Tai sees Patts, Patts looks like the mere husk of the man he once was. And Tai wastes no time and starts talking immediately, asking Patts to stay silent so this time, he can be the one who speaks out his love for him. Tai admits that he was stupid and selfish in their relationship. He says “Love is about two people. It does not need destiny to pave”. And he finally, finally says “I love you, Patts. I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you no matter what happens”. And we see Patts wrap Tai into his body and promise to never let go of him again.

gif by @liyazaki

Now, I have to stop and give Title Tanatorn all the flowers in the world for his outstanding performance in this episode (and the show as a whole). He made me feel Tai’s soul-crushing pain and sadness, and also soothed my tender and bruised heart in the span of mere minutes. This scene was the culmination of Tai’s character development arc. He went from a guy who felt so jaded about love and relationships that he had been ghosting his soulmate for two whole years, to a guy who stood weeping in the middle of the road, pouring his heart out to Patts who only wanted Tai to love him back the way he loved him. And Title Tanatorn fucking nailed it.

And Pee Peerawich is no slouch either, as my boo @wen-kexing-apologist has already established, here. In the finale, he delivers a sublime, understated performance that does not take the spotlight away from Tai, while also perfectly reflecting Patts’ emotions on his face during Tai’s confession. These actors are so incredibly talented and did everything they can to augment the brilliant work of the writers of this show. Y’all have my attention, Tanachot Prapasri and Fuke Teerapat. I will diligently show up to watch your future works, even if it’s just your grocery lists dramatized into a TV show (shoutout to @so-much-yet-to-learn, who, when I voiced this statement, immediately and unironically piped up “Have you heard of this show called Ingredients?”. My BL buddies are hilarious as fuck and I will never be not impressed by the lengths Thai BLs would go to sell stuff to the masses).

Finally, I want to focus on a moment in the finale that kinda threw me off at first but, as the days passed, slowly grew into its significance. Dream tells Tai that Patts left with one last message: “I believe in soulmates. Saengtai is my soulmate”. Isn’t that.. weird? We know that Patts has openly stated before in this show that he wanted to defy destiny, and how his love for Tai is not just because he is his soulmate. For him to state this in the final episode seemed like an odd writing choice.

But, in the final voiceover, the show tells us (through Tai’s voice) that no one chooses to find an answer (to the hearing-loss-soulmate phenomenon) anymore. Instead, the people in this world are choosing to attribute whatever meaning they want to it. We have seen Patts say that Tai is his soulmate many times throughout this show, but he doesn’t mean it in its traditional sense; he means “I love Saengtai and I believe that I can’t live without him, which makes him my soulmate”. He paves his own way, and earnestly believes that Tai is his soulmate not just because they can hear each other when it rains, but because Tai understands and completes him and they find happiness in each other's company. In short: Fuck Destiny.

Since we were teased with a setup for a potential second season, I want to wrap up this post with a smattering of potential scenarios that have borrowed into my brain:

@bengiyo gleefully pointed out that when Lomfon suggests that he and Tien wait for another five minutes before going back into the classroom, so Tien won’t be forced to watch his embarrassingly sappy video, more than five minutes has already passed since they had walked out. Which means that Lomfon made a 10+ minutes long video of just Tien being cute and giggly and adorable. I love this over-the-top, madly-in-love Lomfon and I better get many, many more moments of him being pathetically sappy about Tien in the next season

I want the Patts-Saengnuea moment recreated beat by beat, including the sunglasses flip. If I don’t see Saengnuea on his tippy toes, menacingly lean into Lomfon’s ear and threaten him with bodily harm if he ever hurts his little brother, then what’s even the fucking point?

The comedic potential of Lomfon being forced to socialize with Patts, while he tries to make himself as small and unassuming as physically possible is a treasure trove and must be treated by the writers as such. The possibilities are endless. Warun and Saengchan would be menaces, trying to cook up situations that would force them together. Tai and Tien would act exasperated, while secretly enjoying the shenanigans. Gimme all of it.

My experience of watching this show is indelibly tied to all the wonderful metas I read here. The sense of community around this show’s discourse was incredible and a joy to be part of. Thank you to all the amazing humans who decided to be very not-chill and not-normal about this show: @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @ginnymoonbeam, @wen-kexing-apologist, @liyazaki, @respectthepetty, @syrena-del-mar, @chickenstrangers, @rocketturtle4, @williamrikers, @shouldiusemyname, @sunshinechay, @slayerkitty, @indigostarfire, @iguessitsjustme and I know I’m missing many more, sorry! And a special, with-cherries-on-top shoutout to @lurkingshan for putting the La Pluie meta roundup together, and encouraging people to participate in the discourse. Peace out, homies! And as always, FUCK DESTINY!

gif by @ueasking

[unknown-writez]

Misfit Toys

Chapter Five: Creation of Minx- Part Nine

“Y/N?!” the commissioner asked, confused “That’s me!” I said loudly joking as I turned to stare at the lady that was now tied to a chair and placed on top of Gordon and Harvey’s desk. Jerome not letting go as he hugged me from behind. “How could you do this to your friends?” the woman said  “Friends?” I repeated in air quotes laughing as I stepped towards the lady jumping onto the desk while Jerome’s hands slipped from my body. “You guys were never my friends! you just wanted to use me like everyone else. The second any of you got what you wanted you left. They threw me away like trash. No. How’s your day? No. What’s going on in your life? Anytime I tried to have a real conversation with any of you guess what happened? You guys brushed me off like I was nothing! Hell I’m surprised you even know my name.” I said, getting in her face, anger rising in my tone of voice “It’s not too late.” she spoke in a soft voice “The girl who used to help solve crimes, help save people, is still in you. The people at this precinct know you and will want to help.” “Liar!” I screamed out “Y/N-“ she started to say with pleading eyes but I cut her off “Stop!” I said loudly “Y/N fell down a well! She is gone! I’m what’s left.” I finished the rage and pain seeping through my words. “And isn’t she fantastic now! My little minx. ohhh! I like the sound of that! Minx!” Jerome said, laughing a little, cutting the growing tension trying to lighten my mood “It’s better than your old name.” he continued. Joining me up on the desk he started rubbing my shoulders and I could feel myself calming down with his touch. “New and improved just like my girl …Greenwood! Here! Bring the camera over here. Get a better angle of the room.” Jerome said to me then to the man behind him in the corner who was holding a large camera that I hadn’t noticed. He walked up doing as told. “Why are you doing this?” Essen said bringing the attention back to her. “To rule the world blah blah blah…” Jerome spoke jokingly nonchalant using his hands to express himself “..but we’ll settle for some dead cops and some good PR.” he said laughing at the end then saying “Kidding.” “Yeah whatever. I get it, you're just crazy.” Essen said back in retaliation “Crazy?” Jerome repeated crouching down to her level “Look at me. You can see I’m not crazy.” Jerome said pointing to himself “Very soon little man you will be dead and the world will go on without you. You will be nothing. No one will even remember your name.” Essen said back as Jerome listened, resting his chin on his fist “Hm…” Jerome retorted standing up “See that’s where you're wrong old lady. We will leave a mark on this city!” he announced moving close to her ear as she turned her head trying to get away from him “We will spread across it like a virus… You want to know why?” he asked rhetorically, backing away “There’s nothing more contagious than laughter.” Greenwood sounded from behind us. Jerome let out an irritated grunt grabbing his gun on his pants. He pointed it at Greenwood and fired the trigger swiftly saying “My line.” as the man’s body hit the floor. Quickly he turned back to the commissioner and continued “There’s nothing more contagious than laughter.” He said a loud ha ha ha following after the words left his lips but it didn’t last long as Essen spat in his face. Jerome made a weird look and sound before turning to me saying “That was strangely pleasant.” turning back he leaned towards Esssen saying “Do it again.” but instead of spitting at him this time the lady pulled back her head and smashed her forehead into Jerome’s nose sending him back with the force of the blow as he lost his balance. “That’s gonna leave a mark!” the women taunted as Jerome recovered. A little out of rage and half out of instinct I sent a punch flying across the woman’s cheekbone giving out a frustrated and annoyed growl as Jerome stood up straight, his nose now gushing with blood the red liquid streaming down his face and dripping off his chin and onto his shirt.

[pikkirat623]

Korn

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim ownership of any lyrics posted here

“Day is here fading

That’s when I’m insane

I flirt with suicide

Sometimes kill the pain

I can always say

‘It’s gonna be better tomorrow’”

Falling away from me

Falling… away from me”

- “Falling Away From Me”

“Keep holding on

When my head’s ticking like a bomb

Guess the black thoughts have come

Again to get me

Sweet little words

Unlike nothing I have heard

Sing along mockingbird

You don’t affect me”

- “Coming Undone”

“Deeper and deeper and deeper as I dream to

Live a life that seems to be

A lost reality

That can never find a way to reach my inner

Self-esteem is low

How deep can I go?

In the ground that I lay

If I don’t find a way to

See through the gray that clouds my mind

This time I look to see what’s between the lines”

- “Blind”

“This time, taking it away

I’ve got a problem

With me getting in the way

Not by design

So I take my face

And bash it into the mirror

I won’t have to see the pain”

- Here to Stay

“I’m feeling cold today

Not hurt just fucked away

I’m devastated and frustrated

God I feel so bound

So why do I feel the need?

I think it’s time to bleed

I’m gonna cut myself

And watch the blood hit the ground”

- “Right Now”

“Now I see the times they change

Leaving doesn’t seem so strange

I am hoping I can find

Where to leave my hurt behind

All the shit I seem to take

All alone I seem to break

I have lived the best I can

Does this make me not a man?”

- “Alone I Break”

“You say you’d love to

But you’be lots left to do

Almost decided to stay

Cause of you

And I hate to tell you to exchange your dreams

For a one way ticket

No return”

- “Hushabye”

“I can’t wait to rip my eyes out and look at you

Peace through pain is precious

Especially when it’s done by you

Itching is the pulse inside

Creeping out to come alive

It’s just doing what it’s gonna do

- “Get Up!”

“I don’t know why I’m so fucking cold

I don’t know why it hurts me

All I want to do is get with you

And make the pain go away

Why do I have a conscience?

All it does is fuck with me

Why do I have this torment?

All I wanna do is fuck it away

I tell my lies and I despise

Every second I’m with you

So I run away and you still stay

So what the fuck is with you?

- “Trash”

“I’m just a pretty boy

Whatever you call it

You wouldn’t know a real man if you saw it

It keeps going on day after day, son

You fake! If we don’t want none

I’m sick and tired of people treating me this way everyday

Who gives a fuck?

Right now I got something to say

To all the people that think I’m strange

And I should be out here locked up in a cage

You don’t know what the hell is up now any way

You got this pretty boy feeling like I’m enslaved

To a world that never appreciated shit

You can suck my dick and fucking like it”

- “Faget”

“It walks with me

It takes its time

It sinks it’s teeth in one at a time

It loves to feed

It loves my past

Its always taunting but somehow out of grasp”

- “Can You Hear Me”

“Everyone is looking at me

I can’t get out of bed

There is evil in my head

Everyone just let me be

Because when I hit the stage

It is gone and I am free”

- “Beg For Me”

“Humiliating

I fall to its craving

It feeds on the doubt in my heart

Sinking and fading

Our feelings I’m saving

To fix what I tore apart”

- “You’ll Never Find Me”

“Re-entering my head

Feeling like I’m… god

With the world around me

Can’t you feel this… pain!?

Reading through my… heart!

Screaming through my… voice!

Nothing I can… kill!

Screaming a… lie!… I!… am!

Can you tear… my!… eyes!… out!?

Can’t you take my… heart?…”

- “Chi”

“To all these nameless feelings I can’t deal with in my life

To all these greedy people trying to feed on what is mine

You’ve got to fill your hunger and stop fucking with my mind

I know it’s time to leave these places far behind”

- “No One’s There”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved

Is there something wrong with me?

For once in my life, I’d like to be

Really set free

Let me be me”

- “B.B.K.”

“Time is ticking, it makes me feel content

With what I have inside

Constant paranoia surround me

Everyone is see is out to get me

So I fall face down in a rut

I can’t seem to get out of

Please wake me, please give me some of it back

The feelings I had”

- “Let’s Get This Party Started”

“You know what?

Fuck you

I’m fed up with you

I’m not as good as you?

Fuck no, I’m better than you”

- “Divine”

“Sad things fly all around me

Welcoming sight from the past

Somehow they make me feel something

Even if it doesn’t last

So I do anything to be able to get away

Bad things always flock to me

It seems to be that way”

- “Lost in the Grandeur”

“Prey for Me

I think I owe you an apology

Somehow you bring the violence out of me

I’m just a shell of what I used to be

Passion is sometimes a fucked up thing for me”

- “Prey For Me”

“Crawling down the path, I’m helpless

Reaching for the light I see

Every time I get to close

The light proceeds ahead of me

Digging deep, I take a step

Standing up, I take a breath

Running towards the light

I feel the fingers wrapped around my neck

God is making fun of me

He’s laughing up there, I can see

God is making fun of me

He’s laughing up there, I can see

God is making fun of me

God is making fun of me

God is making fun of me

He’s laughing up there I can see

God is making fun of me

He’s laughing up there I can see

God is making fun of me

He’s laughing up there I can see”

- “Idiosyncrasy”

“Can you see it in me?

Skin cold from touch

Each day confronted

With what I have done

You pull me closer

I push you away

You tell me it’s okay

I can’t help but feel the pain”

- “Need To”

“What is the is I’m feeling?

Is it a new beginning?

Am I purging past regrets?

Facing the hurt I’m dealing

How does one start healing?

The darkness is revealing

The bittersweet reality

That this is the help I’m needing”

- “The Darkness is Revealing”

“The hating

Its pulled inside of me

They’re trying

To test my sanity

It’s in there waiting

It’s all make believe

And they’re ripping

The child within me”

- “The Hating”

“I’m not doing great

I feel like I’m dead

Not thinking straight

Inside my body troubled

Full of hate

I had to let it out

Before it’s too late

- “Deep Inside”

“I’m done being there for others

They have their pain and so do I

Don’t need to feel it all over

I try to hold on and you bring me down”

- “I’m Done”

“I’m… staring at a face

I don’t recognize

Rotten and replaced

Lifeless and benign

You can never say

That I didn’t try

I cannot erase

What’s in my mind”

- “Bleeding Out”

[team-sifm]

🎤 - all of them ^-^

@frznkingdom

Songs I Associate With My Muses

Winter —

“Strong For Somebody Else,” Citizen Soldier I've played out the scene so much in my head I have to wake up, but I'd rather be dead Haunted by thoughts of the ones I love most I picture them living alone with my ghost

Kill the pain and kill the family Choke the dark down, just be happy Talk myself off of this ledge I know all too well

My personal hell, I'll bury it, bury it Weight of the world, I'll carry it, carry it Pile it all on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody

Put my pain in a pill, I'll swallow it, swallow it Too numb to feel, I'm hollow, I'm hollow I have to hold on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody

Somebody else

Gwenn —

“Irreplaceable,” Citizen Soldier You're a diamond in the darkness Find purpose in your pain Walk the wire, face your fire Someone will need your strength

You're irreplaceable Your days in hell are gonna be your glory You're irreplaceable There's no-one else that can write your story

…

When no-one knows the hell you've been through That doesn't change that there's only one you That every scar, every mark, every bruise Gives you a heart that understands someone's abuse

Sometimes life will leave you black and blue So you can learn to stand in someone else's shoes (You're irreplaceable) (Your days in hell) are gonna be your glory

Ilya —

“Heart Of Steel,” Beast In Black A lone survivor wanders on A warrior on the path of war To save the only one he loves Tormented soul against all odds

In a mayhem of demons and fire In the rage of the howling storm One and all to the final trial In the hope of a brand new dawn

For the heart, for the pride, and for vengeance In a nightmare of dark and screams Holding on to the promise and their quest Unified through the last ordeal

A hero walks alone no more A gentle hand to break his fall The ties of love will be his shield His fate at last will be revealed

…

Here comes the land, here comes the time Long live the man, forsake the child A wounded soul to take back home A higher cause to pledge his sword

Unified through the last ordeal Unified in the fortune’s wheel Unified for a golden dream With a heart of steel

Macaria —

“Going Under,” Evanescence Now I will tell you what I've done for you — Fifty thousand tears I've cried Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you And you still won't hear me (going under)

Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once) Not tormented, daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom —

I’m dying again

I'm going under (going under) Drowning in you (drowning in you) I'm falling forever (falling forever) I've got to break through

I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies (So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (Don't know what's real and what's not) Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore

…

So go on and scream Scream at me, I'm so far away (so far away) I won't be broken again (again) I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under

[romanekov]

What I knew saved me, sort of. Knowledge is power. It’s true. As soon as he was gone I wanted to get high. I felt, I feel so lonely in this city. I don’t have a sense of community and I have so much social anxiety. This is the reason why I want to get high. I used to tell myself so many lies. That I was doomed, that I was borderline, depressed and worse. I used to say “Im fucked up because of my childhood”, I used to think that depression was a disease. Now I have all this awareness about what I need to stop these so called mental illnesses. My heart is full with this relationship, with my pets, where I decided to go with my professional life. So I feel so much better than before. Im less broke and less broken. But I still miss having friends. I don’t know how to exist without being useful. I guess you can’t really be lovable without being useful to some degree. But my worthiness shouldn’t be depending only on what I can contribute to. I should just be existing and be fine with it. I guess I must give anxiety to people because I don’t know what to do, or say. Everyday I have to choose to be fine. It’s definitely hard when it doesn’t come naturally to you. It’s so weird to chose to be fine instead of waking up fine. I’m so sensitive to caffeine that a little bit of macha gets me extremely happy and excited. When it wears off it’s no fun. 

When it comes to you I have the most difficult time going with the flow. I’ve been wondering for a long time now if your problem were more psychological than physiological. I would hope so, even though those are connected. But it’s not like I can make you meditate. All I can do is provide the safest place for you. I fucked up in the past and I carry all this guilt around when look at your big green eyes. You know it’s a vicious circle. It’s hard no to react to each and every crises you have. Im scared to lose you and you don’t understand that, not fully. 

Sometimes it scares me to think how sensitive I am. I wonder if I would lose my mind, how much, how much more, if something really bad happene? The more I learn about the mind and the body, the more power I realise I have and I wish I could still play the victim, let myself, my mind go. But I am so much stronger than I thought. I think that’s what surprises me the most right now. I am not the smartest, but I am smarter than I thought. And it’s hard to realise all my believes about myself are wrong. That I have this flame inside of me and that nothing would destroy me the way I thought it would. In the past I use to lay down on my couch and get high on codeine to numb the pain. And then somehow, I would get up again. It got worse, then better. Now it never gets that bad anymore. 

I have a few rules I should establish for myself :

1- Never think that what you’re feeling at night is true. I tend to stress out so much at night. My anxiety and distorted sense of reality gets the absolute best of me.

2- You too often want to make your narrative the reality. Every time you meet someone, that a change occurs, that something is even slightly off, your mind goes to the worst case scenario. And you know what ? The worst case scenario might as well happen. It’s called life. You decide if it’s gonna get the best of you.

3- Your pain comes from the fact that you don’t even analyse your negative feelings. You just complain and try to distract yourself or pretend you are fine. Well, guess what. YOU ARE NOT FINE. Not always. Everybody has bad days. That’s how it’s supposed to work. You want to get better ? Start by letting the bad feelings existing and analysing them. Bad days are normal. Normalise them.

4- You carry the burden of wanting to be there for everyone. Well, first it’s a distortion of your job. You can’t be the wise woman at all time. The saviour, the psychologist, the coach. You don’t have all the answers even though I might add you pretty much figured life out. I mean, Im not 100% sure because I haven’t been through the hardest time of my life yet, but I think by now I get a good portion of the meaning of life right. 

5- Society makes people, especially women feel like getting old sucks. We live in a patriarchal and capitalist society that makes everyone feel like they are never doing enough or never having enough. Well, enough of that bullshit. I mean when I think about how miserable I was when I was younger, going shopping every week-end, caring so much about my appearance... I still care a lot about my appearance though but that’s also my job at the moment. + I never really liked my face but there is always room for improvement.

6- You always want to control people around you and hypothetic future. It’s just absolutely fucking ridiculous how you’re giving everyone anxiety by caring too much. Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to love people around you with your whole heart. But again... there is a difference between loving someone and being constantly scared of losing someone. And always making sure that people know they’re loved is not having to touch them and cross their boundaries all the time. Because you’re just trying to analyse their reaction to you in order to notice any subtile change that would make think they reject you.  You’re trying to reinsure yourself, not them. Loving someone is not worrying about losing them all the time. It’s about existing side by side, interacting when necessary, detaching your identity from them. Not completely of course. Just finding a balance.

7- Find more time to get bored. Find more time away from your phone. Less time playing guitar or drawing or accomplishing anything in hope that other will like the result. It totally kills your creativity. You just annoyed because you never gonna be a freaking superstar. Why do you want to be a superstar, the best of the best at everything ? Why is life an endless competition ? Im tired of pretending winning fulfils me. I am running after an endless desire of being needed, admired instead of being loved. I’m running after dopamine and always wondering what’s next. Enough of that shit. You don’t need to be the best, you need to try your best.

8- Let go. Just fucking let go. Every single time you’re circling over and over again around a negative feeling, it’s because you don’t analyse it so you can’t let go of it. You don’t let go because you chose to look at what you can’t control. And also because you’re afraid that if you let go, it means it wasn’t meaningful. Because you’re scared of being empty deep down. It would confirm all too well what your shitty childhood made you feel like you deserved. Every freaking time you actually let go, it feels so much lighter on your shoulder. You are allowed to fall and go back on your horses, then fall again. It’s called the healing process. Better practice that on small things of the ordinary before you have to let go of something bigger. Letting go is awesome. Go with the flow. 

I always knew it was about balance. From a very young, even as fucked up as I was, I always knew I wanted balance. Not happiness. Just a sense of safety in every situation. The idea that yeah, I can handle it. That the narrative of me being sensitive didn’t mean I was fragile. I am not fragile. I experience higher, more intense feeling. It doesn’t mean I can’t go back to a safe baseline once these strong feelings made their time inside me. And just knowing that should make them less intense already.

9.... you’re safe. You made it. Life is beautiful and ugly. Happy and tragic. When I think about all the absolutely horrifying situation I used to put myself through even when I moved to Canada, all of this mess, I realise how different I am now. Because I live with myself everyday I don’t really have a clear awareness of how much I changed, but I did. People around me did to. For the worst or the better. We always change. It hurts me to see people I care about not changing in the right direction, like my sister. But I can’t really do anything about it except telling them Im there for them. That I love them. 

xx Romane to Romane

[lovincherries]

yeah i am going to need part 2 of just the tip omg

Just the Tip Pt. 2

summary: part two of my other imagine, Just the Tip, kind of angsty but not really. reader comes off obnoxiously pure, i know. BUT it’s to go along with the innocent theme

A/N: omg you read my mind!!! I still haven’t edited the first one lmao, so there are still grammatical errors; however, someone has to write Elvis smut. I’m not gonna lie, I have no plan, I just make stuff up as I go along. NOT PROOF READ! Sorry I just wanted to make sure I got it out today.

Warnings: maybe dubious consent? kinky, dirty, nasty, freaky, all the good stuff! breeding kink

Part Three

It had been days since you had last seen Elvis, since he took your innocence. You would be lying if you said your heart didn’t hurt a little at the thought. You understood he was working on some songs at the Sun Studio, but you wished you could meet up for even just an hour. You had been walking around with this guilt in your chest, that you had done the worst thing imaginable in the world. He said he would marry you, said he would love you for the rest of his life. Could he though? His career was just beginning and there’s no way a girlfriend could be good for it, let alone a wife. 

It was 12 am and you were wide awake with your thoughts in your room, you missed Elvis dearly. There was a faint knocking sound coming from your window that distracted you, you looked over and of course it was him. Although you were happy to see him, you were angry too. He didn’t even call you, didn’t even ask you how you were the next day. Nonetheless, you let him in your room. That was something you would always do, let Elvis in no matter what.

“Hey baby, I missed you more than anything in this world,” he said, reaching in to grab your hips and kiss you on the cheek. “I love this little night dress number you’ve got on, can make a man go week in the knees.” He smirked, that god damn smirk, you just looked away in disbelief. 

“What’s the matter baby? How are you feeling?” He cupped your cheeks in his hands, engulfing your face. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you thought of how you’ve been feeling.

“I can’t believe you, now you ask? I was in pain the next day and there was no one there for me,” you managed to choke out, your voice cracked but you were not going to cry.

“I’m so sorry darling, I know I messed up. I should’ve called, should’ve been there for you. I’ve been working so hard so I can put a ring on the pretty little finger,” he said, pulling you into a hug. You felt guilty now, he had been working so hard for you. He promised he would marry you after taking the one thing that society deemed you valuable for, your virginity.

“Really?” you asked, looking at him through your eyelashes. 

“Yes, I wanna give you my last name. Y/N Presley has a pretty nice ring to it, don’t you think?” He asked, looking down at you. You nodded your head in agreeance.

You sat with him and talked for an hour listening all about his songs, letting him lay his head in your lap. He was letting his hand get dangerously close to your private parts again, a part of you longed for him to touch you there but the other part of you knew it was bad news.

You moved his hand away from you, letting the moral part of you win.

“C’mon darling, it ain’t nothing we haven’t done before. It felt real good for you the first time, right?” He asked, but it came out as more of a statement. 

“But, Elvis, you know I wanted to save myself for our wedding night. Plus, if we do it again, I could get pregnant,” you countered. He had convinced you that since you never had sex before that night, you couldn’t get pregnant. Your parents had guarded you from everything, you knew bits and pieces but all your information came from him. And you trusted everything he had to say fully. He lied straight through his teeth; he didn’t want you to worry with the very real possibility. 

“We have to practice to get good, I want our wedding night to be perfect. Don’t you?” He rhetorically asked, he knew it would only take a little convincing. Deep down you wanted it just as much as he did. “Plus, I won’t finish in you. I promise.” Another lie, he just couldn’t help himself. You looked down at his pants and you could see his penis rising. You now knew what that meant, he wanted you. It felt good for him to want you like that.

His hand was under your dress now, his fingers playing with the hem of your underwear as he talked. As he convinced you.

“Okay, but we can’t wake up my parents,” you demanded this. If they walked in on you and Elvis, you would never be allowed to see him again and you would probably be sent to live with your aunt who never got married.

“They won’t hear a thing,” he smirked again, you knew that look on his face. It was always trouble. He kissed you, grabbing the back of your neck and bringing you in. It was a slow and passionate kiss, so very different from the other night. You don’t know what came over you, but you moved so you were sitting on top of him. Your most sensitive part placed on his. He deepened the kiss now, his hands finding their way to your hips. He used them to guide you, to grind on to him. You let out a moan, you could feel him through his pants. Your shear underwear had no real coverage, he just kept bumping your clit.

His hands now moved to grab your butt, gripping it harshly as you now mimicked the movements. “So perfect, Y/N. Never in my life,” he said as he flipped you over, so he was now on top of you. It felt all too familiar like this.

He hovered over you as he began to lift your night dress up over your head, you weren’t wearing a bra, so your nipples were hard as they felt the cold air. The bruises he left on your breasts were still there from last time, marking you as his. 

“When we’re married, you won’t wear clothes around the house. Want to see you like this all day, every day,” he whispered as he was kissing down your neck. He pinched your nipple in his hand and it caused you to squirm. You felt bold now, and you began unbuttoning his shirt with shaky hands. Despite last time, you were unfamiliar with everything like this. You knew it felt good, but you knew it was so, so wrong. His tan skin was smooth to the touch, just seeing him like this was so erotic. His dark hair fallen over his face, his lips swollen from kissing you.

He began to kiss down your body till he was face to face with your prívate parts, something to obscene. You didnt know what he was going to do next, but you knew no matter what he did it would feel good.

He slowly took your underwear off, and his face lit up like he was looking at gold. “Such a pretty pussy baby, can’t believe you kept it from me for so long,” he mumbled as he got closer and closer. You gasped once his lips reached your clit sucking on, lightly tugging at it with his teeth.

“T-that’s a bad word,” you managed to moan, it was the nastiest word out there and he said it. He just smiled and continued on, but he brought his finger to your entrance. It was still slightly sore from last time, it was such a big stretch in such a tiny hole. He began to slowly push one finger in, pumping it in and out slowly. Making sure you were accustomed, that you could fit him this time too. You were more tense this time, you knew what he was going to do.

He pulled away from you clit, “so tight baby, holding onto my finger for dear life,” he joked. Joking did not seem appropriate to you in a time like this, it wasn’t funny.

“O-oh my god, Elvis,” you moaned as he continued pumping his finger into you, faster and faster. He began to play with your clit as well. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to this feeling, the pleasure, or the feeling of being invaded. You began to buck your hips as he continued to press harder into your clit. If you could open your eyes, you know what you would see, a smug look on his face. And then, all of the sudden he stopped.

The sudden absence of his finger cause you to open your eyes, you were slightly agitated if you were being completely honest. He was off the bed now, and he began to unbutton and unzip his pants, god in that moment you felt just completely in awe of him. That smug look he has on his face, how he looked so hot with no shirt on, and just how dominating he looked. He was unbelievably attractive.

He was completely nude now and you were able to really look at his penis. Only one word came to your mind, beautiful. You had no clue what anyone else’s looked like, but surely it would never compare to his. It was unbelievably, intimidatingly big. You hadn’t had time to worry the last time you and him did the do, but now you do.

He began to slowly crawl on the bed, kissing up your body as he did. Peppering you with his love. Once he reached your ear, he whispered, “jus’ aching for ya.”

He had no idea how you were aching for him, you had never thought you would feel this way for anyone, ever. How could you resist him though?

You watched as he guided his shaft between your folds, letting his tip meet your entrance. Your breathing picked up, nervousness arising.

He began to kiss you as he entered, both of you releasing a gasp from the feeling. He had only put just the tip in, giving you a moment to adjust before continuing.

“It was like you were made for me,” he moaned in your ear as he pushed in more, it was still stinging as he continued. Your walls were engulfing him.

He soon bottomed out, staying in the position for what feel like hours but it was just mere minutes. It was a sting, but nothing compared to the last time.

“Elvis,” you whispered.

“Hmm,” he replied, eyes closed tight in concentration. He was trying not to move, “tightest pussy I’ve ever had. never in my life, feels so good,” he rambled.

“Start moving,” you interrupted, bucking your hips trying to push him to start moving.

He did, slowly he pulled out so he was just barely in you, and then he thrusted back in, hard. You gasped as his tip hit your cervix, it was a crazy, full feeling.

He reached down between the two of you and continued to play with your swollen, sensitive clit. The feeling combined caused you to see stars, it was overwhelming and powerful. It was so overwhelming you didnt even hear what he was saying, “gonna be my wife and have all my babies, want you to be full of me. Let all those other boys know youre taken,” he murmured mindlessly, drunk off of you.

He kept thrusting harder and faster, continued to play with your clit just the same. “Talk to me baby, how you feeling?” He cockily asked, he knew how you felt. Your head thrown back in pleasure, you truly couldn’t talk. Thank god your bed wasn’t loud or else you would be screwed.

“I-i,” was all you could manage, you wanted to tell him this was even better than last time but you couldn’t.

“Tell me or I’ll stop,” he thrusted harder, played with your clit more if it was even possible.

“A-amazing,” you breathed out, you were stuttering and barely managed to form a sentence. He just kept going, and going. You began to squeeze him with your walls, milking him, tempting him. This threw him off his high horse.

“G-god,” he moaned as you continued to squeeze the life out of him. You both looked down to see how you were connected, how easily he slid in and out of you, how it looked like you were made for him.

A ball was forming in your stomach, just like last time. This was a feeling you wish you could experience all the time, how you lived without it before you didn’t know.

“Gonna fill you up, try my best to make you a mama. You’d be such a good one, tend to my babies,” he whispered in your ear. You were too into your own pleasure to even begin to acknowledged what you were saying. You felt him quickening his pace, you were on the verge of spilling over.

He started thrusting harder too, hitting you at just the right spot. He began moaning in your ear, you knew he had to be close. You forgot about your parents, your parents be damned. This felt too good to stop.

“Bout to bust,” he grunted. Sweat was dripping off of him onto you. You pulled his face to kiss you down to you, both of you moaning as it continued. It was dirty, raw, and messy. Everything you came to love about Elvis, he was the polar opposite of you.

“I-I’m, bout to finish,” you managed to moan as he kissed down your neck. Sucking at your skin, lapping at it.

Then it hit you, a raw, pleasurable feeling. It was like you were seeing stars, totally, blissfully unaware of anything. You were just moaning uncontrollably. You were so into your own pleasure you didn’t even notice Elvis had finished as well, didn’t even notice the warmth overflowing. He had promised not to, so why would you think otherwise?

He collapsed on top of you, head laying against your breast. You didn’t even think about him finishing, the thought never crossed your mind. He stayed inside of you, making sure nothing escaped.

You played with his hair as he slept, you knew you couldn’t stay like this. Your parents were bound to come in your room in the morning, and if they found Elvis in here, it would be the end of you and him.

You could no longer keep your eyes open either, blissfully unaware of what the love your life did. Now you were bound to him, nothing could come between you. Not your daddy, not your momma, and certainly not your morals. Your ring laid in his pocket, which is what he came over to give you; however, he got a little distracted.

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@kittenlittle24

[stvrchaser]

destined or doomed?

( pairing ) : five hargreeves x reader

( about ) : five makes a discovery about his future self and the life he’s setting himself up for

( warnings ) : angst, five being oblivious so they’re kind of a mess (don't worry, there’s fluff at the end. they stressed me out so i thought they deserved a happy moment before i inevitably destroy them)

( words ) : 2600

( note ) : you know that scene in ep4 where five finds out his future self invents the place that literally made him a killer who had to live with the guilt of every life he’s taken but then they never talk about it again? yeah. here’s my take on the mental breakdown that could have ensued after that. (oh and watch out for a pt2. did you really think i was gonna end the pain here?)

edit: here’s part 2 !!

“All that will be left is… oblivion.”

It’s a chilling warning to begin with, a prophesied forthcoming of the end — the end of everything. Uneasiness pricks at your skin, your mind unsure of how to process what you’re seeing and hearing. Here lies the creator of the sole protector of order across the timelines and he’s… unanticipated. He’s a simultaneous friend and stranger.

It’s a chilling warning to begin with, a prophesied forthcoming of the end — the end of everything. Uneasiness pricks at your skin, your mind unsure of how to process what you’re seeing and hearing. Here lies the creator of the sole protector of order across the timelines and he’s… unanticipated. He’s a simultaneous friend and stranger.

He’s Five Hargreeves, decades into the future, the barely breathing image of Death.

“What do you mean?” Lila inquires, similarly baffled by the scene at play.

“This is what you have coming,” Five tells his younger self. Of all the abnormalities you’ve been dealing with in the past couple of weeks, this takes the cake by far. In between supernatural abilities, the end of the world, and all the moments in between, this seems the most ridiculous, somehow. You would have never imagined, not in your wildest dreams, that Five — so full of fire and life for as long as you’ve known each other — would someday be reduced to gaunt remains to power the ruins of the Commission. It’s just not right. Five is meant to see the world, to immerse himself in the wonderful things it has to offer. He’s not supposed to be tied down to a machine, stripped of life and humanity.

“Listen to me, you ass,” Five begins. Frustrated, he seems tempted to throttle himself for answers. “I just spent the last 20 days running around, saving the world from apocalypses, only to keep trying to save the world. Now I’m stuck in this pubescent body, my hormones are raging, and all I wanna do is go out and buy a 1970s Corvette Stingray.” He speaks through gritted teeth, low and intended entirely for himself. You hurt for him, really. He’s so tired all the time. He deserves a break, you figure. All versions of him.

“Take it easy on him, Five,” you say. Is it strange to feel sympathy for this distant imitation of the Five you know? It should be, considering he’s lived years ahead of the man you’re familiar with. He’s barely even looked at you. Should he matter to you? Is it possible that this version of Five doesn’t know you? But regardless of whether or not you’re acquainted, they’re the same, aren’t they? Five Hargreeves will always be stubborn, and it seems heroics are also in his nature. He intends to repair, to salvage. He wouldn’t live his last prolonged breaths in this facility if he didn’t have a greater purpose.

“Maybe they’re right,” Lila agrees, giving you a weary look. “He’s hanging by a thread. It might be best if—”

“This is between me and myself, so stay out of it.” Under different circumstances, you might berate him for being rude, but you understand his distress. Instead, you stay silent, settling for giving Lila an apologetic look. “Thank you,” he mutters, appreciative.

The second that he turns back to you, you try to look calm. You try to show him the unconditional support he’ll always have so long as you’re around, hoping to somehow communicate it as genuinely as humanly possible. If it works, you’re not sure. Five turns away almost immediately.

“Now, this Kugelblitz, it isn’t some tiny leak that we can fix by patching a couple of pinholes. It’s a giant trash compactor which is grinding up the universe and consuming it whole. So tell me how you stop it!” Guiltily, you watch him tremble with rage. A part of you, despite wanting to grant him space and privacy, feels helpless. You want to help, but Five has always insisted he do things alone. If you were to offer, would he even accept?

“Whatever you do,” his older counterpart gasps, the steady beeping of his heart monitor gradually quickening, “…don't save the world.”

What?

Now, that doesn’t sound like the Five you know. What happened to the man so desperate to save his family? What happened to that insufferable determination to live?

“Dont… or you will lose everything that matters.” For a second, you think the older Five purposefully turns to you, almost as if he’s talking directly to you. For the first time, he meets your gaze. Unexpectedly, he looks mournful. Why? What does he have to mourn? He’s the one dying, not you. What is he grieving? Suddenly, you think you did know each other, after all.

Until when?

“What do you mean, don't save… Five!” he panics as the whirring of the machine starts to die down. His older self has gone still, eyes blank and his body lifeless. “No,” Five starts again. “How do I fix this?”

You reach forward, searching for a pulse. You flinch at the contact but don’t find the steady rhythm you’re hoping for. This confounding remainder of a man, despite passing merely seconds ago, feels cold. He’s completely and utterly lifeless and his lack of consciousness is almost tangible. It was almost as if you could feel that his soul had parted with his body.

“He's dead, Five.” He inhales a sharp breath like he might start crying. Expectedly, he turns away from you. He hides. Five has a tendency to seclude himself behind a set of walls that you insist aren’t necessary. He turns to them anyway, a constant companion and a trusted salvation. 

“Can I have the room?”

“Five, do you really think that’s a good idea?” You know it isn’t. It isn’t healthy at all to let anyone bottle up their emotions the way he does. Still, you respect his decision when he inevitably declines the offer. He’s grieving. He needs time. What he needs, you’ll give.

“Y/N, please. I need the room.” You sigh.

“Alright. I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

 ミ★

Five hasn’t talked about it since you left. He insisted on coming back to the hotel. Immediately. Yes, you decided to grant him his respite, but you assumed he would at least bring it up. Why won’t he bring it up?

“I know you want to ask. Go ahead,” he offers. Turned away, pouring himself another glass of wine or vodka or whatever the end of the world has to offer for refreshments, Five is impossible to read. His voice doesn’t betray any hint of emotion and neither will his face.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” You bristle.

“What’s the point of letting me ask if you’re going to lie to me anyway?”

“I just watched myself die.”

“I know, Five. I was there. Why else do you think I’m so worried?” He turns in his chair, still emotionless when he meets your gaze. If two opposites are supposed to neutralize each other, you’ve defeated the odds. He’s too calm, uncaring, and it makes your blood boil.

“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He doesn’t even snap at you. Sure, he sounds exhausted but that’s all there is to it — tiredness. Not at all does he seem interested in solving the issue at hand. He’s not calculating the odds, mind almost loud enough to be heard, not like he was the first two times he’d tried to save the world. 

“Well, how do you feel, for starters?

“I was… what? One-hundred?” he dismisses, incredulously considering the circumstances, “I’d lived an entire lifetime ahead of myself now. What do I have to sympathize with? Chances are he barely remembers anything from this point in time.”

“What do you — what do you have to sympathize with?” you echo, outraged. “It’s you, Five! You just watched yourself, fifty or so years into the future hooked up to machines. And for what? So you could keep the Commission running? You know what that place can do to a person. Aren’t you upset about that?”

“Apparently not, seeing as I created it.”

“And nothing about that seems off to you? I mean, not just for yourself right now, but what about everyone else? What about others, people like me and Lila, who were… that place robbed us all of everything, Five. Do you honestly believe that you could make the Commission knowing all that you do right now?”

“We don’t know what will happen between now and then.”

“If we don’t even try to save the world, we’ll never find out.” He takes a moment to consider your point. At least, you hope that’s what he’s doing, not forming another argument.

“Why does this mean so much to you?” It’s your turn to hesitate. Why does it? Mean so much to you, that is. If the Commission is established in this timeline, the guilt isn’t placed on you. You won’t be repeating history. Five will.

But why should he? You don’t think it’s a decision you’ll ever understand, certainly not one you’ll ever agree with. But when he does, what happens to the two of you? Is this how you lose each other? 

Because I never would have let you do this to yourself all over again, you want to say. Because the only reason you could have ever done this is if I wasn’t there to stop you.

“Why does it mean so little to you?”

“I would have never met you if it weren’t for the Commission,” he says, and it stings because he’s right. The two of you would have never met. But what does that matter in comparison to the universe at risk? Five could live on without you. He already has.

“That price… in exchange for the life you should have had. If you gain the power between now and later to start the Commission, you’ll have the power to go home, Five. You can fix the problem before your younger self even finds out about it. There doesn’t have to be an apocalypse. Viktor doesn’t have to be the catalyst. You don’t have to be the savior. You wouldn’t have to worry about all this.” You try to contain your tears, blinking rapidly to keep them at bay. “You can save yourself. You can save your family.”

“You know that’s not how it works. I can’t meddle with time for my own benefit. That’s not the purpose of the Commission.”

“This isn’t about the Commission, it’s about you! The whole point of me starting this conversation is because I care about you!”

Five internally, but visibly, battles with himself in the futile attempt to understand what this entails. You care about him. You care about him? To the same extent that he cares for a good bottle of whiskey or a fresh brew of black coffee? Care in the same way he cared about preventing the apocalypse twenty days ago?

Or could it be possible that you care about him as much as he cares about you?

“You… care about me?” he asks, hesitantly. You scoff because it’s absolutely ridiculous.

“How could you possibly not know that by now?”

“What does that even mean?” he asks like the wind has been knocked out of his lungs.

He’s an idiot. That’s the only way to explain how this is all unfolding.

“You’re really gonna make me say it right now? Mid-argument?”

“Say what?”

“That I love you!”

Five can feel the world stop spinning beneath his feet. Or maybe it’s spinning too fast. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t give a shit. Maybe the Kugelblitz had come early and he’d experienced a death so merciful that he didn’t even realize he was dead. He’s in the afterlife, isn’t he? It’s the only plausible explanation. But, wait. That can’t be. He never particularly liked making you angry. Mean, maybe, but never angry. Especially not with him.

“Hello? Earth to Five? What? Did you short-circuit or something?”

“You love me,” he echoes without much thought. It isn’t that he doubts the meaning. He just needs to hear it again, from his own mouth, to make sure it’s real.

“Yes, I fucking love you!”

“Why are you angry?”

“Because you’re pissing me off!”

 Something about the passion, albeit unideal for a love confession, sparks something in him. He feels it bloom in his chest, climbing his veins and enclosing his entire body in thrill and relief all at once. Before he can consider what it means, he’s surging forward, pulling you in for a kiss.

Your open mouths collide and he isn’t too sure if it’s because you’d initially intended to welcome the kiss or if he'd interrupted your attempt to yell at him some more. If it’s the latter, your better judgement goes flying out the window because fuck if this doesn’t feel as good as you’d always imagined. He’s so warm and so gentle and so endearingly clumsy that it only makes you want to pull him closer. He tastes like good coffee — only the best — and you decide right then and there to let him have as many as he’d like if he’ll let you taste it on his lips again.

Five forgets how to think altogether.

“I love you,” he confesses in the split second that your lips part.

“What?” You freeze.

Oh. He’d said that out loud.

“I—”

“This isn’t… We shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be doing this.” 

Five thinks he’ll fall to the floor and beg if it meant you could do it again.

You pull away, ashamed that you’ve forgotten how vulnerable he is. Five had just seen something unimaginably traumatic and, here you are, taking advantage of the situation.

Five doesn’t mind it so much. He doesn’t mind it at all. In fact, he’d entirely forgotten about the matter at hand. What had you two been fighting about? Is it the annihilation of all mankind? Is it the Commission?

“I’m so so sorry. You just watched yourself die, Five.” Oh, there’s that, too. “I don’t think this is the time. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking.”

“The time? Y/N, this is all the time we have,” he reminds you, his tone urgent while he continues to catch his breath.

“Not if we keep trying! We could have so much more than — what? Two days? We could have years.” Five sighs guiltily, and his stance on the subject is clear.

“If I try to save the world, that only means I live long enough to witness something worse than this — something terrible enough to make me want to create the Commission. You were right. I don’t want that any more than you do.” He takes a breath, his shoulders shaking as he does, and gets ahold of your hands, rubbing circles onto the back of your palms in attempt to calm you or himself, possibly both. He doesn’t look up again, just stares at your hands intertwined. “Besides, seeing as I live until… At some point, you’re not going to be there. I don’t want to have to live through that. I love you too much for that.”

You step closer, freeing one of your hands from his grasp to tilt his chin upward. Forced to meet your gaze, he stills, afraid. The expression is so foreign on his face and you want to wipe it away, forbid fear from marring someone so wonderful. So, you press a soft kiss to his lips, reveling in the feeling once again. This time, there’s less tension — only passion as you memorize the curve of his mouth and the languid caress of his hand across your cheek.

This is heaven. This is peace. You will take as much of it as you can, freed of the fear that, one day, either of you will have to live without it.

“You won’t have to. I won’t let that happen.”

[sacredsorceress]

Worth the Risk || Bucky Barnes

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader

summary: when bucky and sam get captured you have to go in alone to save them leading to a worried, overprotective bucky who cares about you a bit more than a teammate should

a/n: reblogs and replies are super appreciated!!

word count: 2.2k

warnings: description of violence, injuries, a gun, dagger and blood, swearing, angst w/ happy ending

masterlist || taglist

“Bucky?” You whispered through the earpiece. “Sam? Where are you guys-”

Sitting in the van, you began to grow worried as you couldn’t find any of your teammates on the screen after they had turned around a corner. Tapping the earpiece, you were about to speak again when you heard Sam’s voice on the other end.

“Y/n?”

Sitting forward in your chair, you breathed a premature sigh of relief.

“Sam? Thank God you guys are okay.” You told him. “I was worried when-”

“Y/n, listen,” Sam cut you off, his voice a near whisper. “They got us- me and Bucky- but I think you’ll be able to take them out if you think you’re ready for it.”

You began to feel your heart race in your chest just at the proposition. Although you had joined the group almost half a year ago, you had never gone on a mission by yourself- always having others to back you up, but you knew Sam well enough that he wouldn’t have suggested the idea lightly. If he asked you to go in alone... you knew it was because there was no other choice.

“Okay.” You said. “I can do this, Cap. I’ll be there soon- just hold on.”

With that, you left the vehicle, making your way into the building. When the door of the facility closed behind you, you raised your gun.

“You shouldn’t have told her to come in here.” Bucky told Sam, pacing around their cell. “If we couldn’t handle it together, what makes you think that she can do it by herself? You’re going to get her killed-”

“Buck,” Sam said firmly. “I know you’re worried about her, but she can handle herself. She’s our only shot of getting out of here so I’m gonna need you to calm down.”

Sitting himself down in the corner of the room, Bucky said nothing more to Sam, instead placing his head in his hands.

Bucky knew logistically that you could handle yourself- you were on the team for a reason- but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about you. He worried about you all the time- even in training- nagging Sam if he threw you down a bit too hard and feeling his heart drop to his stomach when bruises littered your body after a mission. He hated seeing you get hurt, but as he sat in the cell with Sam, knowing that you were coming into the building all on your own- he felt as though he was going to be sick.

Now he wasn’t there to watch your back. He wasn’t there to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt. He wasn't there to make sure you didn't get yourself killed- the thought of it too horrible for him to even allow himself to think about. He worried because he knew in your line of business, every wrong move could be fatal and he couldn’t bare the thought of not having you by his side every day.

Listening to the sound of water leaking from the sealing above him, Bucky prayed you would be alright.

Turning a corner inside of the building, you were hoping the same.

Peaking around the edge of a wall you spotted two men, armed with batons. Taking a deep breath, you aimed for one of the men’s bullet proof vest, taking the shot and knocking him to the ground. Immediately the other man ran towards you with the baton raised in his hand. 

Ducking as he swung the baton, you threw a punch to the man’s stomach, knocking him backwards, but just as you did the other man hit you in your back with the baton.

“Fuck!” You screamed out in pain, taking the man’s arm between your knees. You pulled the baton out of his hand as you stretched it in the other direction, causing him to yelp out in pain. 

Once in your hand, you spun around, swinging the man in the face with the baton, knocking him unconscious. Dropping it to the floor, you pulled your taser from your belt, shocking the other man, forcing him to the ground.

“Y/n?” You heard Sam ask through the earpiece. “Y/n are you alright?”

Shoving the taser back in its slot and raising your gun once again, you stepped over the two men’s unconscious bodies, running down the hallway.

“I am now.” You huffed, placing one of your hands on your lower back. “When this is over, you’re paying for my chiropractor.”

Turning another corner, you were met with a man and a woman standing at the end of the hallway.

“Are you guys always in pairs?” You asked. “Frankly I think it’s unfair.”

When they said nothing, just raising their batons from their belts, you spoke up again.

“Where are my friends?” You asked more seriously.

“You’re about to find out.”

The woman running at you first, you hit the butt of your gun in her face causing her to wobble backwards but the second you did, you felt a burst of searing hot pain run throughout your face as the baton collided with your nose. Stumbling backwards, you felt as another of the baton’s swings hit your midsection, causing you to double over in pain.

The man tugged your collar as you felt another blow connect with your face.

Wheezing, you dropped the gun to your side.

Standing in front of you, the woman slid her baton back into her belt.

“See?” she said. “I’m sure your friends will be happy to see-”

As she spoke you carefully slid your dagger out of your belt, but before she was able to finish her sentence, you threw it cleanly at her, the dagger jamming itself through her shoulder, sticking her to the wall.

“Shit!” She shouted in pain.

Immediately afterwards, the man grabbed your coat shoving you against the wall only to throw another punch to your mouth. Rather than giving him the satisfaction of yelping out in pain, you headbutt the man, causing him to stumble backwards into his partner. Grabbing the baton from his hand, you swung it over his head, knocking him unconscious.

Spitting blood onto the ground, you heaved as you picked up your gun and the keys from the man’s waist, making your way over to the room on the right.

Swinging the door open, your eyes immediately fell onto the reinforced cell in front of you, Bucky and Sam rushing to the front. Stumbling over to the cell, you unlocked the door, swinging it open and leaning against it.

“Y/n?” You heard Bucky’s voice first as he ran over to you. “Fuck, look at you.”

Moving his hands to cup your face, not being able to help yourself from wincing, Bucky could feel his heart shatter in his chest. Sure, you had a few bruises here and there in the past but never this bad.

You had a deep gash across your nose that he was sure would need stitches along with a cut along your lip and a large bruise forming around your eye- and that was just your face.

Looking up and seeing his worried eyes, you shot him a quaint, bloody smile.

“You should see the other guys.” You joked.

You attempted to laugh, only to wheeze and begin to cough.

“Y/n this isn’t funny.” He said seriously. “You could have died. Sam should have never asked-”

“Bucky,” You cooed, reaching your hands up to cup his face. “I’m okay. Besides, I couldn’t leave my favorite boys in here could I?”

Feeling your fingertips against his face, he couldn’t help but melt into your touch. You always managed to make him a lovesick mess as if he was still fifteen and not a one hundred and six year-old man who had been to hell and back.

“Hate to break up the reunion,” Sam said. “But those guys will only be out for so long. We got to get out of here.”

-

After falling asleep on the car ride back to the Compound, you woke up in bed, the dim glow of the lamp shining on the night stand above you. Opening your eyes, you pushed yourself up in the bed, only for a shooting pain to spread throughout your torso. Not able to stop yourself, you yelped out in pain.

“Hey, hey,” You heard none other than Bucky’s voice beside you, one of his hands coming to rest on yours while the other adjusted your pillow. “Take it easy.”

“I am, Doc.” You lied, leaning against your newly adjusted pillow.

Tucking you in, Bucky shook his head, leaning on the nightstand beside you.

“We should have never let you go in alone.” He sighed, leaning his head on his hand. “I just felt sick the entire time. You could have died, Y/n. If they just hit you in the wrong spot... I’m never letting you go in alone again. I’m not letting you leave my sight.”

During your time as a member of the group, you and Bucky had grown incredibly close and during the past few months maybe even closer than friends. It was normal for him to worry- you never even had to wonder where he was during missions because he always had your back- but looking at his face now you could tell just how worried he had been and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break.

“Bucky,” You hummed. “You go on dangerous missions all the time alone. How am I any different?”

A silence settled over the two of you as Bucky squeezed your hand. 

Not meeting your eyes, he spoke up again.

“Because I can’t lose you.” Bucky said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I can’t even think about what would happen if anything happened to you, Y/n. Even seeing the cuts and bruises on your face? I’m... I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, but I think if you put me in a room with those people I would kill them for what they did to you. I almost broke us out of the cell myself because I hated the idea so much of you going in there on your own. If something happens to me... it’s different. Nothing can happen to you, Y/n. Nothing.”

Staring at the super soldier sat at your bedside, you began to feel tears prick in your eyes. You had cared for Bucky in a way that you had been too afraid to admit- not wanting to ruin your friendship- but as he sat there, confessing his feelings for you, you couldn’t help but feel your heart tug in your chest, just wanting him.

“Do you love me?” You asked finally before you could stop yourself.

Looking up at your injured face, he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn’t able to read you in the moment at all, your face straight, seriousness laced in ever bit. All he could think was that even with the black eye and the stitches across your nose, he had never seen someone as beautiful as you.

He knew his answer. There wasn’t a single part of him that doubted it.

“Yes.” 

Hearing his answer, you stared at him and smiled.

“Are you sure?” You asked. “Do you love me as more than a teammate-”

“Y/n,” He cut you off, squeezing your hand once again. “As much as I love working with you, every time you call me your ‘teammate’ I want to go find a punching bag.”

Trying to bite back your smile, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

You hated calling him “only” your teammate just as much as he did- if not more.  Knowing that he hated it just as much as you the entire time you used the word to disguise your true feelings made you feel as if a weight had been lifted off of your chest despite the aches that still consumed your being.

Bucky was more than your teammate, he was your partner.

“Oh Thank God.” You laughed. “I can’t tell you how many I’ve knocked off the hook after you called me your ‘friend’.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he leaned in closer to you.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

Shaking your head in disbelief, you reached your free hand up to his hair, brushing it back with your hand.

“I’m saying,” You smiled. “that I love you too and that I’m not going anywhere, Buck.”

Leaning into your touch, a smile finally reached across his face. “You know, if it weren’t for your stitches, I would kiss you right now.”

“So my face isn’t too messed up then, right, Doc?” You asked. “If you still want to kiss me and all...”

Reaching your hand up to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to your skin.

“You could never look bad, doll.” He hummed. “But promise me you won’t do that to me again. I almost had a heart attack, Y/n.”

Leaning your head against your pillow, admiring him, you smiled.

“I promise, Buck.”

[purple-babygirl]

you got me reading all your works from 4 AM till 6 AM today, and I have zero regrets. And I’d do it all again. I truly love all of your works, especially those that has anything to do with Bucky.

Now all I can think about is Bucky’s reaction and care to finding out that his Little got an injury—one that she been hiding from him. Omg the fluff.

Anyway, have a great day!

Pairing: Poly!SamBucky x little!f!reader

Word count: 3,381 (i know i know...)

Warnings: polyamory, ddlg dynamics, excessive, probably unnecessary, fluff no one asked for.

A/N: Nonnie, I'm honored💜. Thank you so much for sending me this, you've warmed my heart to no extent💜💜. It is everything when you tell me you like what I share with you. You're so amazing and I hope I'll always deliver and never disappoint you ily:"💜 I know you only said Bucky but I couldn't help but get Papa!Sam in there too, hope you're not mad at me?:" Please enjoy xx.

~~

don't hide

"Oh, we forgot the toilet paper!" Sam groaned, "I'll go get it. Wait here, sugar, okay? Eyes on the bags and don't move. Papa will be right back," he said before marching back to the big store's entrance, leaving her by the car with all the grocery bags.

Papa said to wait there. Papa warned her that the ground was snowy and slippery and dangerous. Papa told her not to move, she reminded herself but she just couldn't help it. She had to grab that orange.

A bag had fallen on its side out of nowhere and an orange had fallen out and rolled away. She needed to get it before Papa came back or else he'd know she wasn't watching the bags and was zoned out instead. She'd be careful and she'd take the fruit and come back to where Papa left her and he wouldn't even know it. She'd take small steps and she'd be quick. Plus, she was a big girl; she'd never slip, right?

Wrong.

Before she could catch herself, her foot was slipping, her arms were flailing and she was on her back on the cold, hard icy ground. She squeaked, pain shooting through her spine like an electric shock. Through panic and pain, she got hold of the stray fruit, managing to get herself up and back to where she was supposed to be standing the whole time before Sam made his way back to her.

"There we go," Sam sighed, setting the bag with the toilet paper beside the others and opening the car.

She was silent, biting down on her lip to stifle the pained whimpers ready to leave her mouth.

"You ready to go, sugar?" He asked her as he stacked the last bag in the car, slamming the back shut.

"Yes, papa." She nodded, the bones supporting her neck hurting as she tried her best not to cry when she slightly bent to get in the backseat.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't. Daddy and Papa were taking her sledding in the park the next day and she couldn't even be good and obey one single thing she was told. They'd definitely cancel the whole day and make her stay home if they knew what she did. And not only that but she'd surely be punished for not listening and not being careful enough. She could take it. She could play, sled and smile through the pain. Plus, she was a big girl; she could handle a little fall, right?

Wrong.

Her back was killing her. She tried not to hiss when Papa put her seat belt on for her. She had no idea how she'd make it through the day.

~

"Show daddy what you got him, sugar!" Sam encouraged after leaving the bag of goods on the table for her, walking to the kitchen to drop a bunch of grocery bags

She carefully pulled a chair out and slowly climbed on top, rummaging through the bag until she found a packet of Bucky's favourite cookies. She'd pointed at them as soon as she saw them at the store and didn't stop until Papa got them down the high shelf and into the cart.

Bucky's appreciative smile lit up the room, "oh, for me?"

"Yes, daddy. Got 'em for you." She nodded timidly, playing with her sleeve.

He accepted the cookies with a giddy grin and went to store them in place in the kitchen. She giggled, proud she was the reason Daddy was smiling.

"Thank you, love." Before she could stop him, Bucky was hugging her tight, metal arm pressing on her back to pull her body to his.

The chocked whimper she let out didn't go unnoticed by the super soldier.

"You okay, doll?" Bucky raised a worried brow, flesh hand rubbing circles on her back as a sort of habit.

"Yes, daddy. I'm fine," she lied, held-in tears burning the back of her eyes. She just needed him to stop touching her spine.

"You sure?"

"Sugar, go wash your hands we just got back from outside," Sam reminded, saving her from repeating the lie to Bucky.

"Yes, papa." Her socked feet padded on the floor as she left for the bathroom.

Bucky shrugged it off for now, walking outside to help Sam with the bags. She probably wanted more candy than she was allowed and Sam refused or something of that sort.

~

When she was done washing her hands, she tiptoed to her bedroom and did her best to redress herself fast. Her discoloured skin looked awful in the mirror. She couldn't let her daddies see the huge bruise that was forming on her back, innocently praying it'd disappear over night so they could still go sledding the next morning.

"You changed by yourself?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows upon seeing her in a comfier outfit. He knew for a fact Bucky didn't help her because he was washing strawberries in the sink behind him.

"Yes, papa," she muttered hesitantly, fearing his reaction.

"Why didn't you call me or daddy, baby? We could've helped."

"Papa and daddy are busy, didn' wanna bother you," she lied again.

"Doll, we'll never be too busy to look after our favourite girl. You can always ask for daddy and papa's help, okay?" Bucky assured her gently.

"Yes, dada."

"Good girl, here," Bucky grinned, offering her a strawberry.

"Tank you." She took it with a smile and hummed after the first bite, making Sam chuckle.

"You did a good job dressing yourself, sugar. We're proud of you." Sam let his hand cradle the small of her back so he could kiss her forehead.

She whimpered again, biting her lip hard and closing her eyes.

"Everything alright, baby?"

"Yes, papa. Strawberry tastes so good."

"Okay, baby. Go play in your room till me and daddy get lunch ready."

"Yes, papa." She pecked Sam's cheek before leaving the kitchen.

"She's lying," Bucky told his husband as soon as she got inside her playroom.

"I know."

~

She spent the rest of the morning suffering in silence. Her back hurt whenever it came in contact with anything. She couldn't lean forward, or backward. She couldn't even lay down for nap time, crying into her pillow as soon as her daddies left the room.

She'd try not to whine when Daddy's palm touched her upper back. She couldn't enjoy watching her favourite show on TV because she was too busy trying not to pull away when Papa hugged her to his chest while she was on his lap.

As the hours passed, she was in so much pain it was showing all over her face. Sam and Bucky were worried that she wasn't saying anything. They knew something was wrong they just didn't know what. They failed to notice her features scrunching up in pain whenever they touched her because, in their defense, they were always touching her. So they couldn't really pinpoint the problem.

"There you go, sugar." Sam handed her a plastic cup, half full of strawberry milk he'd just whipped in the blender for her.

"Thank you, papa." She smiled gratefully, stretching her neck to kiss his cheek, her face twisting in pain as a result.

"Doll, are you sure you're okay? Do you have a tummy ache? Do you feel sick?" Bucky questioned softly, all while rubbing circles on her upper back.

"No, dada. I'm okay," she continued to lie, sipping from her straw quickly so maybe Bucky would stop and let her drink in peace.

Bucky looked to Sam in defeat and the latter just shrugged at him helplessly.

"Love, me and papa are worried there's something you're not telling us." Bucky's hand caressed further down to the small of her back and she couldn't help but wince, dropping her cup.

Strawberry milk covered her chest and lap and she couldn't hold it in anymore. She started crying and apologizing, thinking there was no way out of punishment for her now. They were going to find out.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, sugar. It was an accident. It's okay." Sam tried to soothe her but her cries only grew louder as she let all the tears out.

Her body hurt so bad and it didn't help that Bucky was patting her back to calm her coughs and sobs.

"Come with me, doll. Let's get you cleaned up." She cried harder at Bucky's statement, knowing they were going to see her back now.

"No, daddy, please. Don't wanna." She shook her head, choking on her tears. She made no effort to go to his open arms like she would.

It broke Bucky's heart a tiny bit. He started to think he'd done something; that she was like that all day because of him for some reason.

"But baby, you're soaked in milk. You can't stay like that!" Sam didn't wait for her refusal, slipping his arms under her legs and carrying her body off the couch.

"No, no, papa, please." Her tears wet Sam's sweater, her thrashing hurting her muscles even more.

"Stop crying, sugar. Tell me what's wrong," Sam said, sitting down on the closed toilet lid with her on his lap.

She remained silent, her fist rubbing at her teary eye and her lips trembling.

"Is there anything you wanna tell me and daddy, baby?" Sam tried again, making brief eye contact with a worried Bucky preparing a bath.

"Wanna shower by myself," she muttered when her sobs died out, tears still leaving her red eyes.

"You know we can't let you do that, doll," Bucky sighed.

"B-But I dressed by myself," she cried more, leaning on Sam's chest.

"This is different, baby." He kissed her forehead.

"Why don't you want our help, doll? What is it?"

She was quiet again, making both men sigh.

"Alright, love, hands up," Bucky instructed but she shook her head.

"Come on now, be good. We gotta get you cleaned up, baby, or you're gonna be all sticky," Sam told her, fingers tugging at the hem of her sweater.

She gave up fighting; her back was sore and she knew her daddies were going to get her in that bath no matter what. She closed her eyes when the sweater was pulled over her head, preparing herself for Daddy's reaction.

"My goodness, doll! What happened?!" Bucky exclaimed in worry and she started sobbing again.

"What is it?"

"Look at her back, it's messed up!" Bucky gestured to the huge purple and blue bruise, whispering the last part of his sentence.

"Oh my god! How did you get this?!" Sam's eyes widened as he questioned her and she only cried more.

It broke their heart. She was in so much pain all morning and they had no idea. How could they be so inattentive?

"Hey, baby, no, it's alright. We just wanna know how you got hurt, sugar. You're not in trouble," Sam reassured, pushing her hair out of her face while Bucky ever so tenderly examined her bruises.

"I'm sorry, papa. I'm so sorry," she cried in his chest, "I- I didn' listen when you- told me to stay I- the orange fell out an- and I wanted to get it and I fell d-down an' hurt m-myself." She tried to explain between hiccups as Sam bit down in realization and regret.

"Aw, sugar," Sam sighed, feeling guilt gnaw at him for leaving her alone by the car. What was he thinking? How could he leave her all by herself like that? She was just a little baby!

"Papa's sorry, baby. Papa's so sorry he left you standing alone and went back inside." Sam apologized, kissing away the tears soaking her cheeks while she sniffled and hiccuped.

"Don't cry, doll. We're not sad with you. You didn't do anything wrong," Bucky cooed, his thumb wiping the tears down her chin and neck.

"B-But I was bad." She looked at Bucky with teary eyes.

"No, doll, you weren't bad. You were just tryna help Papa because you're a good girl." Bucky kissed her temple, holding her forehead to his cheek while he looked at Sam.

The man was zoned out, probably beating himself up somewhere in his mind.

"Let's just get you in the tub for now and then we can let the doctor take a look at your back, okay?"

"What if he gives me shots?"

"He's not gonna give you shots, doll. Only something to apply to your bruise, nothing painful or scary." Bucky promised, easing her off Sam's lap to get the rest of her clothes off.

Sam scratched his head before abruptly standing from the toilet seat, "I'll go start dinner."

Bucky sighed when his husband left the bathroom. He knew Sam was feeling guilty for their baby getting hurt and while he wanted to assure him it wasn't his fault, he had to tend to her for the time being.

"There you go, doll." Bucky carefully lowered her in the tub, letting the warm, soaped water soothe the ache in her muscles.

"Dada, can you come too?" She asked quietly, noiseless tears still leaving her eyes.

Bucky stripped himself at once, cautiously getting behind her in the tub before pressing her back to his chest. She sighed as he held her to him, Bucky's chest being much comfier than the solid ceramic of the tub.

"Is papa mad at me?" She asked Bucky, her voice trembling and breaking as she continued to cry.

"No, no, doll. Papa's not mad at you one bit, he's just worried about you," Bucky said, his hands rubbing softly on her tummy as he kissed her shoulder.

"Then why'd he leave?" Her voice was squishing Bucky's heart and he just wanted both his babies to feel better.

"He's preparing dinner for you, baby. Papa loves you; he could never be mad at you." Bucky turned her head so she could face him and wiped her tears away.

"We love you, doll. No one is mad at you. Daddy and Papa only want you to be okay. We just wanna keep you safe," Bucky told her warmly and she nodded, wrapping her arms around Bucky's neck and burrowing her face in the crook of it.

~

After her bath, Bucky got out first, telling her to wait while he got towels. But instead his legs took him to Sam.

"I feel like shit for not noticing too," Bucky muttered behind his spouse.

"It's not only that- what are you doing strolling around the house in just a towel after a warm bath?! Bucky, you'll catch a cold-" Sam scolded when he turned around and saw Bucky undressed.

Bucky put his mouth on Sam's in an attempt to calm his anxiety.

"I'm gonna be fine and so is she," Bucky promised against Sam's lips, cupping his cheek.

"I left her alone, Buck. She got hurt because of me."

"No, love, no. It was an accident. It could've happened anywhere any time."

"I still shouldn't have left her."

"Then we know not to do it again. Don't beat yourself up over it and distance yourself like that."

"I'm not distancing myself."

"Sam, she thinks you're sad with her. Please, love," Bucky begged, his thumb swiping over Sam's skin until the latter nodded with a sigh.

"Now go put on something."

"I thought you liked me naked," Bucky teased.

"Go." Sam lightly slapped his rear.

"I'm going." Bucky laughed, kissing Sam's lips one last time before retreating to the bathroom.

~

Bucky dressed her in something warm and told her to wait a minute while he got ready so he could take her to the doctor's. She peaked out of her room, hearing onions sizzling in the kitchen. She walked over to Sam as he poured tomato juice and the pot hissed.

"Papa? Are you mad?" She tugged at Sam's sleeve, red-rimmed eyes staring up at the man.

Sam sighed, turning off the stove. He took her hand in his and walked out of the kitchen with her, sitting down on the couch and motioning for her to sit on his lap.

"Why didn't you say anything, sugar?" Sam asked, putting her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry, papa," shs teared up, "I thought you'd be mad at me and think I'm bad and not wanna take me sledding no more."

"Baby, I'd never get mad at you for getting hurt. Ever." Sam reassured her, not letting his eyes get glossy with the tears he held in.

"If you get hurt me and papa will take care of you no matter what, doll. That's the only consequence. Do you understand me, love?" Bucky added, walking out of the bedroom with a jacket in hand.

"Yes, daddy." She nodded, throwing herself in Bucky's arms, "I'm sorry. I love you."

"We love you too, doll." Bucky kissed her head, careful not to hug or squeeze her too tight.

"Papa, will you come to the doctor wimme and daddy?" She asked Sam sweetly, leaning on his chest after leaving Bucky's hold.

"Of course, sugar." Sam's thumb stroked her cheek softly.

"And we can still go sledding in the park tomorrow?"

"Oh no, baby, we can't go tomorrow."

"But you said you weren't mad." Her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm not mad, baby, I promise, but you're hurt."

"But the doctor is gonna fix it," she whined

"He's a doctor, sugar, not a wizard!" Sam chuckled

"Because wizards don't exist."

"They do exist, but that's not the point," Sam argued and Bucky playfully rolled his eyes behind her back.

"But papa-"

"No buts, doll. We'll go as soon as you get better and we'll stay as long as you want, yeah?"

"Yes, daddy." She complied, knowing they were right; her back was achy and stinging.

~

As promised the doctor gave her no needles, only a prescription of a cream for her back and a painkiller.

"Daddy, I don't wanna," she whimpered as Bucky lifted her PJs up. She was afraid of the pain she would feel once Bucky started massaging the substance onto her skin.

"I'm gonna be gentle, doll. I promise."

"It's gonna hurt," she complained more.

"Here, sugar, hold papa's hands and daddy will be done before you know it." Sam opened his palms and she immediately put her smaller hands on top.

"There you go, all set. We're ready, daddy," Sam told Bucky, squeezing her hands and smiling comfortingly at her.

She gave half a smile back, blushing as she felt Bucky ever so softly lay kisses down her hurt back.

Sam chuckled, kissing the back of her hand. She slightly hissed when Bucky touched her skin with the cold cream, his pointer and middle spreading it around on the bruises.

"Anywhere else hurts, love?"

"Right here, daddy." She pointed to the back of her neck.

Before Bucky could, Sam tilted himself forward and kissed from the ends of her hair down to where her neck met her back. She giggled, Sam's lips tickling her. The man chuckled again, pecking her cheek.

"Papa?" She held his hands in hers.

"Yes, baby?"

"I love you." She wasn't unaware of how he blamed himself for her little accident and she wanted to let him know it was alright; she was alright.

"I love you more, sugar." Sam smiled, relieved, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Starting to feel seriously left out over here," Bucky said, wiping his fingers on a tissue.

Sam rolled his eyes at his needy-for-attention husband before cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead as well, sending blood to his cheeks.

"I love you, daddy," she whispered, squeezing Bucky's right hand.

"I love you more, doll." Bucky echoed his partner, kissing her hand.

For the whole week, Papa and Daddy let her sleep on top of their chests, seeing as cuddling and spooning weren't options and they still wanted to be close. She'd alternate between the men as the nights passed.

Eventually, they did go sledding in the park when she healed, three days in a row. She loved it and she laughed so much till her cheeks hurt. She could handle a little fall after all; she could handle anything as long as Sam and Bucky were there to take care of her through it.

[hyprmemes]

rina sawayama starters - ‘sawayama’ (2020) edit as you see fit!

dynasty

i'm losing myself in the darkness of the world

catch me before i fall

saving myself is all i really know

i'm a dynasty the pain in my vein is hereditary

won't you break the chain with me?

i'm gonna take the throne this time

all the words all mine, all mine

you can't hide it in the walls, sweep it under marble floors

it's been living in our lives, best told damn family lie

i nearly gave it away for the sake of my sanity

XS

and when the heart wants what it wants, what can i do?

so i'll take that one, that one, yeah, that one too

call me crazy, call me selfish, i'm the baddest and i'm worth it

gimme just a little bit more, little bit of excess

i don't wanna hear "No, no", only want a "Yes, yes"

gimme just a little bit of excess

make me less, so, I want more

where did it go awry? when all this time, Heaven was in our eyes

so, say goodnight, forget about it 'til the end of time

STFU!

but it's too late, you already left

you're preaching even though I'm dead

you're like the first time under my pride

how come you don't expect me to get mad when I'm angry?

how come you don't respect me?

why don't you just sit down and... shut the fuck up

have you ever thought about taping your big mouth shut?

patience overrated, if you want it, come and get it

i'm not being naturally negative, no

i don't wanna be that girl again

i've been done and been through more friends than i can count on my fingertips

how come you don't detest me?

i am your medicine and your reality

comme des garçons (like the boys)

can i just record you doing that

i woke up today, had to wash my fears away, again

i'm feeling okay, it's just another day to pretend

excuse my ego, can't go incognito

every time you see me it's like winning big in Reno

don't fuck with me, hoe, take you down like judo

you should never be ashamed to have it all

hot like a fever make you a believer

write my name up in the sky from Paris to Shibuya

elevate your vision when you put me on the cover

akasaka sad

hotel corridor blacked out rear window crawling under my skin

flew here to escape but i feel the same

sucks to be me

sucks to be so lonely

don't look at me, fragile i bruise easily

cause I'm a sucker, sucker, so I suffer

i guess i'll be sad

i guess i'll be sad forever and ever and ever wherever

can't face who i can and can't be

5, 938 miles between you

paradisin’

livin' my best life thrivin'

drivin' you cra-a-a-a-azy

you say i'm misbehavin' but i'm just a kid, so save it

let me have an unforgettable time of my life

i went and messed up again, went against everything you said

then you threaten to send me to boarding school for the seventh time

i know we can't afford that so i'm fine

tough I'm stuck in the middle of it all, isn't life so beautiful

first kiss in 2003, making out, feeling carefree

but then his phone rings and your number's on the screen 

i'm fine, yeah, i bet you think i'm terrible

love me 4 me

if you can't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else?

every day, i wanna start over 'cause i remind me of me

at my worst, i'll let my mirror tell me lies

gotta do right, be nice, smile just like a lady

i gotta work hard, make up, hair done like a star

i gotta be that angel, good girl, soft and sexy

you wanna love me for me, if i made it easy

my mind, you find remedies, but you can't fix me, you can't win

bad friend

we ran through the bright Tokyo lights, nothing to lose

summer of 2012, burnt in my mind

high, crazy and drunk, five in a room

singing our hearts out to Carly, sweat in our eyes

i'm so good at crashing in, making sparks and shit but then i'm a bad friend

so don't ask me where i've been, been avoiding everything

i'm a bad friend

guess we fell out, what was that all about?

maybe i overreacted, well, maybe you shouldn't have

god, it's insane how things can change like that

don't even know where you are, what you do and who you do it with

put your hands up if you're not good at this stuff

fuck this world (interlude)

sometimes i can only see the bad side of our life

fuck this world, i'm leaving you

sick of what you people taking fuck 'em, better to be the top

fuck this world, it's dying

that's why i'm comforting stars

gravity can't pull us apart

here's to the new life on Mars

fuck it, now let's get fucked up

if i leave, then maybe i can start again

this is a mission impossible, may not be solvable, may not be viable but at least we're trying

this is a mission impossible, maybe unlovable, maybe unstoppable, but at least we're trying

who’s gonna save u now?

pain ain't gonna put it away

that's where you stay, deep in my prayers

for so long, i waited on you

so, you burned the bridges and drained the river

i can't forgive you like i did before

who's gonna save you now?

i wish you well, but go take it somewhere else, 

gave it more than a fair shot even when they told me not to, i said i've got to

guess you became a project to me

you made me lose my mind so many times

you said no absolution, i needed a resolution

good luck in your evolution, hope you learned to live it better

you wasted my time, don't need it

say sorry, i don't believe it

you buggin', press hard reset

tokyo love hotel

you got that something that everyone wants

you got that movie star glow

you got them askin' to have you on their skin

even though they don't know like i know you, no, they don't

use you for one night and then away they go

thought i was original, but after all

i guess this is just another song 'bout Tokyo

i just want your love all to myself

i know there's nothing that i could say that hasn't already been said

falling for a stereotype

chosen family

tell me your story and i'll tell you mine

i'm all ears, take your time, we've got all night

show me the rivers crossed, the mountains scaled

show me who made you walk all the way here

settle down, put your bags down, you're alright now

we don't need to be related to relate

we don't need to share genes or a surname

you are my chosen, chosen family

so what if we don't look the same?

we been going through the same thing

hand me a pen and i'll rewrite the pain

when you're ready, we'll turn the page together

open a bottle, it's time we celebrate, who you were, who you are

we're one and the same

i chose you, you chose me

we're alright now

snakeskin

looking for forgiveness i ran into your madness

shutting off my brain just to spite my heart

you're slithering into my heart

buy my expensive, exclusive, pain wear

i tear my soul into two so that you can pretend despair

[thisisawonderfulusername]

a lifetime of firsts

first kiss

tasm! peter parker x reader

summary: the first step in your relationship.

warnings: uhhhh idk, just fluff

word count: 1k

a/n: in honor of my (almost) 600 follower celebration, i am uploading this early :) i am also quickly working on the next chapter

also this gif makes me laugh. i was running out of ones i could use, i was endlessly scrolling through pinterest and i couldn't help myself. i think it's fitting :)

you wake up to a raging headache, a pounding in your head that elicited a groan.

after pressing your hand to your forehead, you then realize the arm thats wrapped around you. you open your eyes, seeing that peter was laying next to you, still passed out. a small smile graced your face, but it didn't distract you from the pain you felt.

you carefully lifted peter’s arm before crawling over him to get off of the bed, taking light steps to the door. you carefully twist the knob, pushing it as slow as possible to minimize the creaking that it let out. you move across the hall and go into the bathroom, grabbing some painkillers and quickly taking them.

you rubbed your eyes as you go back into your room, seeing that peter had awoken and sat up on the mattress.

he looked at you when he hears the door shut. "how are you feeling?" he questions, his voice raspy from his sleep.

"terrible." you mumble, shuffling back to the bed and sitting next to him, "what the hell happened?"

shaking his head, he chuckles. "you called me and you were shit faced." you cringed. that explains your headache. "so i brought you home."

you yawn before looking at him gratefully. "thank you." it's spoken softly, "god, i'm never going to another party ever again."

looking at him as he laughs, you sigh. "do i want to know what i was like?"

he grins, "probably not. but i'm gonna tell you anyways." you roll your eyes, "you puked the second i got you here, you couldn't stand straight. i had to help you brush your teeth."

"wow."

"and you managed to put your shirt on both inside out and backwards." it really just kept going, didn't it?

shaking your head, you look at the covers of your bed. "anything else?"

when you look back to him, he seems to be thinking. you could see that he was holding something back from you, from the way he bit his lip and played with his fingers.

your face fell slightly. god, what did you do. "...what is it?" you ask after a moment.

he clears his throat, "you said you like me."

your eyes widen slightly, but you think maybe there's some saving this. "i mean, of course i do-"

"not in that way." he cuts you off, “and you know that’s not what i meant.”

there’s a moment of hesitation, and you think that you could write it off as just you being an idiot while drunk. but he always saw through you. even if you lied with a straight face, he always knew. even if you were quick with your answer, in saying that you were being dumb.

the carpeted floor suddenly seems very interesting. “do you?” he asks softly as you avoid his gaze.

picking at your nails, you look at everything but him. the door, your desk, the clothes that had been thrown on the floor last night when you changed. when you don’t answer, it really gave away everything. you thought everything was ruined.

until he gently held your hand in his, causing you to finally turn your head towards him. “promise me you won’t hate me for what i’m about to do?”

your eyebrows furrow, but before you can ask any questions, his lips are on yours, hand resting on your cheek. your heart seems to skip a beat as your eyes flutter shut. unconsciously, your hands move to grip onto his biceps.

“y/n, your mom made- oh my god!” you jerk away from him as the door opens and you look over to see your dad, standing in the doorway with wide eyes. “what the hell-”

peter quickly jumps up from the bed, “uh, hi mr y/l/n!” he laughs nervously, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, “it’s… been a while.”

the deep breath your father takes rises in his chest, and you cringe, standing from the bed. “i can explain-”

“-explain why you have a guy in your room without us knowing?”

yeah, he got you there. clearing your throat, you avert your gaze. “he’s not just a guy,” is all you can think to say, “it’s peter, dad.”

“i know.” obviously. he’s only known peter since forever, when you first met him all those years ago. “that doesn’t explain why he’s here right now.”

“y/d/n, what’s going on up here?” your mother seems to join in the conversation at the right time, a smile gracing her face, “oh, peter! when did you get here?”

when he goes to speak to her, you think she might have been your saving grace- until your dad steps in. “it doesn’t matter, he was sucking our daughter’s face!”

“okay dad, gross,” your nose scrunches in disgust, “it wasn’t like that.”

your mom’s reaction is a lot better than your dad’s as she gasps, “you guys are together? how long have you been a thing? why didn’t you tell me-”

“because it just happened, mom.” you groan, “can we all calm down?”

when your dad goes to speak again, your mom stops him. “she’s right, darling.” she pats his chest, “it’s not that big of a deal! let’s just go eat breakfast.” he goes to speak again but her loving gaze turns into daggers being shot through him, “let’s go eat breakfast, darling.”

his sigh is loud as he steps out of the room, heavy steps going down the stairs. “you guys come join us, okay?” your mother’s sweet tone returns before she turns away.

“i knew it!” you heard her squeal from downstairs.

looking at peter, you see how his face had turned so red that he looked like a tomato. “i think your dad is going to kill me.” he mutters.

you sigh, pressing your forehead to his shoulder. "i wouldn't be surprised."

"not what i wanted to hear." he groans.

you look up at him, "hey, at least you can die after kissing me. goodness, you're good at it."

he fights a grin as he rolls his eyes, "shut up."

taglists

main:@horrorklaus @megasimpleplan4ever

marvel: none yet

peter parker: @elfvomit @spidergraph @rattdonovan @cupidoll

a lifetime of firsts: @kominnfyrirkattarnef

[favefandomimagines]

Give Me A Reason to Stay (b.b.)

Summary: the battle is over, you can finally breathe. but will bucky give you a reason to stay with him in Louisiana? 

AN: inspired by the finale of tfaws! so potential spoilers and obvs i’m gonna include some angst (stark!reader)

You finally caught a moment to breathe after what felt like years of fighting. After so long of going from one disaster to the next, you could finally stop and pause. Actually enjoy life for once. 

Since your father died, you never stopped moving. Being CFO of Stark Industries, helping Wanda escape the authorities after her grief induced episode and then Sam and Bucky called you for help. It never seemed to stop. 

But, after Karli died and the rest of the Flag Smashers gone, you could take your well deserved pause. At least for a little while before your inherited work called. 

Sam invited you to come to his home town in Louisiana for a celebration of sorts and you couldn’t say no. Him telling you that Bucky was going to be there was also a selling point. 

You and Bucky had a complicated history. You helped Sam and Steve stop him and HYDRA and then went on the manhunt for him. Even after finding out he killed your grandparents, you were still there. You understood that it wasn’t Bucky’s mind, just his body. You were there in Wakanda and helped set him free from his trigger words. 

But nothing ever progressed from the stolen looks, the longing glances and the quick touches. The amount of times Bucky Barnes saved your life and threatened others who tried to hurt you, you thought he felt something for you. But the nagging feeling in the back of your head told you that you were wrong. 

At the celebration, the many neighborhood kids were gathered around you as you created stars in your hands, almost like your own personal galaxy. The kids thought it was magic and you rather liked that perspective on your powers. 

Bucky and Sam were talking with Sarah and some other neighbors but Bucky couldn’t focus on the conversation when he was too busy watching you. 

Your smile was so wide that he thought it could light up a city block. You looked genuinely happy, a look he hadn’t seen on you in a long time. It was refreshing and your happiness made him happy. 

“You’re being creepy.” Sam commented, nudging the super soldier. “What?” Bucky asked. “You’re staring.” Sam said. “I-I was not staring.” He stammered. “You so were. Just tell her how you feel already. I can assure you she feels the same way.” Sam told him. “I can’t just tell her.” Bucky rebutted. “Yes, yes you can. What are you afraid of?” Sam asked.

The 106 year-old man paused for a moment as he continued to stare at you. “I can’t be the one that causes her more pain.” He said. Sam furrowed his eyebrows at Bucky’s answer. “She’s been through too much already. Losing Natasha, watching her father die, the nightmares she has. I’m not back to myself yet and I can’t cause her anymore pain.” Bucky explained. 

The conversation was cut short when you approached the two men. “I’m so sorry, Sam. Pepper just called and said the donors are pulling out of the eco-friendly power source project we’re working on. She needs my help fixing it.” You told them. 

“Do you really have to go?” Sam asked. “Unfortunately. Pepper says she can do it on her own, she did it before I was old enough but since my name is still attached to the company, I have to go. Board meeting at 9 tomorrow.” You explained. “I’ll go grab Sarah, she’s going to insist on giving you leftovers to take.” Sam said, giving you a nice smile. 

You turned to Bucky who was very quiet since you walked over. “So, you’re really going back?” He asked you. “Yeah. Unless you give me a reason to stay.” You answered honestly. And rather boldly.

Bucky wanted to say something so bad. He wanted to tell you that he loved you and wanted you to stay with him there but the words didn’t come out. And if he was already feeling bad before, the look on your face broke his heart. 

You gave him a tight lipped smile, a small head nod before you walked away from him. He watched as you slapped a fake smile on, say goodbye to Sarah and Sam before leaving the party rather quickly. 

“What the happened with Y/N?” Sarah asked approaching Bucky. “Nothing. She just had to go.” Bucky lied. Sam saw right through it obviously. Something had happened between you and Bucky and he was determined to find out and play cupid. 

“What really happened?” Sam asked. “She asked me to give her a reason to stay. And I didn’t say anything.” Bucky answered. “Come on, man. You love her, she loves you. Y/N wouldn’t give you the time of day if she couldn’t handle your baggage. You need each other more than you want to admit, Buck.” Sam said.

Bucky sighed and cursed himself for letting you go. “Okay, what do I do?” He asked. “Go to New York. Pull a rom-com move and crash that board meeting and tell her that you love her.” Sam answered.

And Bucky did just that. He got on the first flight to New York and came up with a whole speech in his head for what he was going to say to you.

He made it at the nick of time and was surprised he still had security clearance to the building. When he arrived to the correct floor, he saw Pepper standing in the hallway.

“Bucky, I didn’t expect to see you here.” She said to him. “Where’s Y/N? I need to talk to her.” Bucky said. “She’s in the conference room, preparing for the meeting.” Pepper answered.

Bucky practically ran to the conference room and almost broke down the door.

“B-Bucky?” You questioned. “I love you, Y/N. You asked me to give you a reason to stay and I was scared. Scared that I’d cause you more pain and you don’t deserve that after what you’ve been through. But I can’t deny that I love you anymore.” Bucky confessed.

You were at a loss for words, not really expecting a love confession from Bucky Barnes. “You love me?” You questioned quietly. “Yes. I love you.” He said. “Come back to Louisiana with me. We can start over, have the life we both deserve. Or, I can come back here and you can still help Pepper run Stark Industries. I don’t care as long as I get a chance at a life with you.” Bucky added.

“You really mean that?” You asked. “I really do mean that.” He answered. He watched you intently as you processed everything Bucky had just told you.

You looked down at your presentation notes before you picked them up and folded the papers in half. “Friday, can you bring Pepper into the conference room please?” You asked the AI. “Of course, Ms. Stark.” It said.

You and Bucky waited in a tension filled silence when the door opened. “What’s going on?” Pepper asked. “I think it’s time I sign those papers.” You told her.

Pepper smiled widely at you, happy that you were choosing yourself over the company for once. “It’s about time.” She commented. “I’ll go get them drawn up.” She added before leaving the room.

“Wait what papers?” Bucky asked. “I’m giving every aspect of the company to Pepper. I’ll no longer be listed as an executive for Stark Industries. Which means, I can go anywhere I want for as long as I want.” You explained.

“You mean-“ Bucky started. “I’m going to Louisiana with you. For however long you’ll have me.” You interjected. Bucky laughed lightly as he made his way over to you, cupped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply.

It was a feeling you both had been waiting for and it was one that was definitely worth the wait. You had been putting off your personal life out of fear it wouldn’t work but now you just wanted to be with each other. No matter what happens down the line.

“And if it wasn’t obvious, I love you too.” You said once you parted. “I’d hope so, doll.” Bucky replied.

—

You and Bucky approached the large gathering of people with food in your hands, saying your hellos and giving out hugs and handshakes.

“There you two are! I was wondering if you’d ever show!” Sam scolded you two. “What do you expect? We’re newlyweds.” You laughed. “And it’s about damn time it happened too.” Sarah commented.

You sat down at the picnic table, Bucky resting his flesh hand on your thigh. You stared down at the ring on your finger quite fondly and thought of your dad. Hoping he’d be proud of letting the company go three years ago and living your life to its fullest.

“Aunt Y/N! Can we see the stars again?” Cass asked with all of his friends behind him. “Can’t say no to a future leading astronomer now can I?” You teased the boy. You got up from the table and stood a few feet away, creating the stars with your hands like you had years prior.

Again, Bucky watched you fondly but this time he wasn’t pining after you, hoping he’d build the courage to tell you how he felt. He was watching you as his wife and as his future.

“You really do love her, don’t you?” Sam asked. “Yeah. I really do.” Bucky answered, a smile adorning his face. “You’re going to be amazing parents.” Sarah added. “Parents?” Bucky questioned. “Oh no she hasn’t told you yet.” Sarah said, standing up from the table.

“Is Y/N,” Bucky started. “Am I what?” You asked. Bucky turned to you and rose from his seat so he could stand eye to eye with you. “Are you pregnant?” He asked.

You looked behind him and glared at Sarah before staring back at Bucky. “Yeah, yeah I am. You’re gonna be dad James Bucky Barnes.” You told him with a watery smile.

Just the thought of bringing a child into the world with Bucky made you more emotional than you thought possible.

“I’m gonna be a dad?” Bucky questioned. You nodded your head and Bucky scooped you up in his arms and if felt like everything was falling into place.

After 109 years of not having an ounce of peace or feeling as if he was a monster and a burden, he was getting the life he had always dreamed of. And he got to do it all with you.