#I’m gonna be sad if she is the titan cuz I thought she was hot and a badass

[sadiecoocoo]

I’m currently binging aot and I just got to where (spoilers) the female titan fucking are Eren (my poor baby is going through too much trauma already 😔) and I have theories (I’m also crying over all of team Levi dying, I rlly liked them especially Petra and that guy that kept on biting his tongue he was goofy)

I think Annie is the female titan… she’s blonde, has blue eyes, always has that calculated yet careless look, she didn’t join the scouts (the only one of the main group of cadets that didn’t and the only one we don’t know where she is) and she saw Eren transform into a titan

Also idk if this is unrelated but I’m noticing that after one human dies another titan shows up that looks sort of like said human :/ I noticed this mostly in the struggle for Trost and it might just be a coincidence

Also I would like to say that so far I haven’t gotten any spoilers despite aot being out for a while and a majority of my freinds watching it lol

[dc-said-bi-robin-rights]

“You're so good to me," Rose whispered in Cassie's ear, trailing her free hand down Cassie’s chest in a way that made her have to pour all of her willpower into not looking down and flying them straight into a building. Her other hand was a tight claw around the back of Cassie's neck, holding onto her in a way that was starting to be painful. "Have I ever told you that?"

Cassie Sandsmark had done a lot of difficult things in her life, but staying stoic when the drunk Rose Wilson in her arms started getting frisky seemed in that moment to be by far the hardest. “You haven’t, no.”

“I should have, then,” Rose whispered, her breath sticky and warm against Cassie’s neck. “Cuz you are. Good to me, that is.”

Her next words were a quiet murmur, meant only for her own ears, but Cassie heard them anyway. “Definitely better than anyone I’ve been with.”

If Rose had been any more sober, Cassie might have allowed herself to feel pleased about that admission, maybe even smug. But as things stood, it seemed… wrong, somehow, to internalize the vulnerable self-confessions of someone so drunk they could barely see straight… which is why she stayed silent, pushing the murmured reflection out of her mind as firmly as she could and slamming the door shut behind it, completely and utterly refusing to dwell on it in any way even as it threatened to slide its way back into her thoughts.

"No one has ever treated me the way you do,” Rose continued when Cassie didn't reply, the sensation of her hot breath against Cassie’s neck proving a shiver from the demigoddess. “No one… other than Eddie, maybe, and he and I never…” Rose’s lips parted with a sharp intake of breath, her chest shuddering. “You’re the first person I’ve been with to even want me to stay the night. That’s kind of sad, isn't it?" Her tone grew somber for a moment, before it changed again, and it was somewhere between husky and pleading when Rose pulled her weight up so that she was looking Cassie in the eyes from less than an inch away. "Don't go anywhere, okay? Not yet. I'm not… I’m not ready."

Cassie didn’t know how to reply to that, so she didn’t. The rest of the flight was spent in silence. Eventually, Cassie touched down on the floor of Rose’s balcony and walked inside, still carrying the silver-haired ex-mercenary in her arms.

Rose started squirming as soon as they were in sight of the bed. “No, I said… wait, don’t…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cassie promised, if only to calm the bucking metahuman in her arms. “Okay? Relax.”

“…”

“Rose?”

“…”

Nothing.

Cassie looked down… and saw Rose’s one eye closed, face blank in her sleep.

She’d finally passed out.

Cassie let out a relieved breath and deposited Rose on the bed, pulling the sheets up to her chin a moment later. Her task done, she took a step towards the door… and paused misstep, sighing. She could totally leave right now—Rose would likely not even remember her request in the morning, and even if she did, she was unlikely to be upset about Cassie not heeding it—but… she had promised, hadn’t she?

Sighing again, Cassie walked back towards the bed, muttering to herself as she crawled onto it and laid down next to Rose. The one-eyed metahuman rolled in her sleep and shifted into her, so Cassie sighed once again and awkwardly wrapped her arms around her, tucking her… whatever they were in beneath her chin.

“I’m just doing this because you asked me to,” she said to the currently unconscious, very asleep Rose. “So don’t get any ideas.”

I care. I care so much about you that I pull my hair out everytime you do this.

“Mmmh,” replied the currently unconscious, very asleep Rose, being asleep and thus beyond understanding of anything Cassie was saying or the true feelings behind the words.

“I’m still mad at you,” Cassie insisted. “So mad that Bart is gonna have to talk me down from punching the snot out of you in the morning.”

“Mmmgh.”

“Ugh.” Cassie closed her eyes, shaking her head. “You don’t even hear a word I’m saying, do you?”

“Mmh.”

[ask-hannah-blog]

Hey.... "Pretzel" again.

I'm gonna be honest this might be kinda TMI but I need to get this out of my chest real bad so here goes.

After that incident at the store, I've been trying really hard to just move on and forget about it. Still though to do that I knew I should delete whatever weird ass "Toe Cleavage" photos I took of this random woman's feet. The problem is, as soon as I open my phone gallery and see the photos I get so fucking embarrassed! I get red-faced from how ashamed I am and then, of course, the fucking clown brain gets me horny!!!

Then a huge fart comes out of my titanic tush and I instantly pop a boner!

FUCKKKK!!!! Ugh, so there I am rubbing myself up and down and eventually I can't take it and I just whip it out. I'm gonna be honest for the past few days I've been kinda neglecting to look after my dick and I think the poor thing was a little antsy to get some action again. So I got no choice but to alleviate my... "tension". I get to it and that's when I finally notice it. I take care of myself so I never really had a particularly smelly penis, but then the thing just hits me with its full-on musk and that's when I realize something else: my dick smells like a hot wiener. Joy.

I can't say I particularly cared at the moment though since I was busy coating my phone's screen with a gallon of cum. I dunno if it was the Estrogen, the clown flu, or me just not spanking it for a while but I was GUSHING.

So obviously once I was done I got to work wiping it all off, especially off my phone. Then a naughty idea struck me:

"what if you just licked it off your phone?"

Despite recognizing the foreign thought, I was still horny so I mentally shrug and go along with it.

Guess what? My jizz tastes like mayonnaise. Good mayo too. So when I'm done lapping that up and I'm nice and satisfied I sit there in my post-nut clarity with one extra craving in my mind: "I could use my own cum as dressing on the stuff I eat." That thought alone makes me feel all loopy and happy and giggly.

So yeah, it was a bit of a crazy evening for me. Have I mentioned how freaking weird clowns are? Cuz my God are we extra with the weirdness sometimes.

The gas is here to stay btw, so screw me I guess! Pretzel out. Have a great day Hannah. Hope I didn't get you too worked up with this.

Pretzel! 🥨

You’re getting so savory with your musky weinie and mayo cum! Hyuck! Or should I say Hyum! Hehe.

It’s always a pleasure to hear from you it sounds like you gave your stuffies quite the show! Next time you should get them in on the show, and put the in the splash zone! Maybe they’ll grow their own little stuffy dildos and fleshlights! Then they can join in on your act.

I think maybe the flu isn’t planning on helping you transition after all. I’m just saying that because generally TFs don’t change things they plan on getting rid of. So if you’re getting a hot dog musk and increasing mayo production, I think the transformation has BIG things in mind. Strange that it’s happening if you’re still on estrogen but I’m beyond trying to understand this mess.

Hehe it really must have some really hot toe cleavage if it’s enough to make you dumb and forget what you’re doing. I almost want to see it! Hehe.

Hmmm if looking at it is distracting you, how are we gonna delete it I wonder…hmmm. I’m open to tips from the audience at that one. My suggestion is to throw that phone into the cornfield and run! But not everyone breaks phones as often as me!

Hehe I’m thinking about your friend on the phone. I wonder if she can sense the crazed half-clown jerking off to her

HOT

TOE

CLEAVAGE

Hehe hyuck I wonder what she’d think. I bet she’d be freaked out, knowing her feet are getting drenched in gallons ofclown cummies every time you look at them!

Ugh it makes me so sad everyone in your little town thinks you’re a freak! I wish I could just bring you home and let you sleep on the couch.

I wish you had a friend over there, or at least a clowny little servant like my Daisy.

Hmmm…

If I did have any psychic clowny powers, I’d send all my vibes towards the lady in that picture. I’d bombard her with clowny waves, so that next time you see her in line she’ll be buying pretzels, hotdogs and Mayonnaise because she’s just been having the STRANGEST cravings! Then you’d know she’s ripe for plucking! Hyuck!

Hehe ha…

But yeah, that foot bomb is crazy with how hard it hits, I felt like I was going crazy at first. But having been though it I do understand what the clowns were telling me when they said it was inevitable I should just accept it, because being in denial of it, it just felt like it was growing and growing inside of me until I popped and became a foot fiend or something. But now I’m just like “Oh I just have a foot fetish, I can manage this.” At least so far, I know some people never get over that it and just become mindless feet fappers.

I guess what I’m saying is i recommend you accepting the hot toe clevage and seeking out material other than that poor woman’s foot so you can develop the fetish at your own pace and not exploding like I did. Just worried if your only exposure to it is an illicit picture you took of a woman without her knowing that behavior might get hardwired in. Don’t want you becoming some creepy stocker clown following ladies around with a camera for the perfect shot of their feet to add to your cum drenched photo wall.

Boy I have a lot to say, I just like keeping up with you Pretzel!

Okay last thing.

I love you just ripping ass before going to town on yourself. That’s just full on hedonism, pig stuff. Just announcing to the world “hey I’m here to fuck! Lol. You know, so long as you’re not just huffing your own gas while shaking hands with the mayor I think it’s fine. It’s a normal bodily function, so being a little gassy is nothing to be embarrassed of.

Until next time Pretzel! We’re all rooting for you. Hehe we’re all tooting for you! 😂

Ms Hannah!

[lymoncat]

aot bf scenarios When you try to impersonate them…

Eren

you were in your room impersonating eren and attempted his titan scream. You were also wearing his clothing and had your hair tied up like him. “I’m eren and I am a troublemaking boy who thinks I’m sexy and mature, I can shift into this creepy lookin titan and I will kill the other titans and exterminate them from this world” eren walked in as you said this and gave you the ‘you weird fucker what the fuck’ look and pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed “no matter how strange you are, I still love you, and also my clothes are way too big on you” he hugged you

Jean

you were in the stable with Sasha trying to see who could impersonate Jean better, little did you know he was hiding in the stall, you decided to walk over to your horse and say “hey I’m horse-face Jean and your my best friend, would you like to share a stable will me?” Then you got down on your hands and knees and started to neigh like a horse. He stood up and glared at you. “Y/n, I am right here,” Sasha then says “I guess y/n won, never knew she spoke horse” joking about me talking to Jean. You stood up embarrassed. Jean walked over to you and kissed you “who would’ve guessed that your into horses” he joked

Armin

you were in the library with eren and decided to impersonate your sweet boyfriend, armin. You and eren re-enacted the conversations he and armin had. Armin heard this and started to feel sad, he thought you were making fun of him, then you and eren started talking about how sweet he was and how you loved him and all of his cute little obsessions, “armin is literally the sweetest, I love him, I’m honestly surprise that he ever returned my feelings” “he loves you so much, honestly I’m kinda jealous cuz of how much attention he gives you” “I’m more surprised that armin would be sad thinking that we’re making fun of him, never thought he’d be the person to listen in on conversations while hiding behind shelves” you say looking at the shelf where he was hiding, he came out flustered. Y’all hugged and talked the rest of the evening.

connie

y’all try to impersonate each other there’s really no point in writing about each other. Levi

you took his cravat and cleaning supplies and started walking around the room saying “I’m captain levi and I’m a severe ocd clean freak who’s also really hot and did I mention that I’m sexy too, now get cleaning brats while I spend the rest of the day stressing myself out doing paperwork” “y/n what the fuck…” you turn around flustered and embarrassed to see him pinching the bridge of his noise in disappointment “l-levi… you finished early hehe” you say with a nervous smile rubbing the back of your neck anxiously “y/n i don’t stress myself out all day and why are you wearing my cravat?” “Ummm” “never mind” he walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist and says in a low seductive voice “so I’m sexy huh?” You blush “I uh um” he kisses you now im gonna leave y’all with a cliffhanger and let you finish according to your imagination

And I’m too lazy to add tags soooo

bye!!! Love y’all ❤️

[delightfully-deranged-dagur]

So. Rise of The Titans.

Spoilers and my thoughts under the cut.

Where's NotEnrique?

The subway battle is amazing. Love Douxie's quick thinking with the tracks.

Stuart of you want a better code name come up with it yourself.

Douxie again with the quick thinking. Swapping with Nari. Smart. But very dangerous.

Archie should troll the cops more often.

We all know Krel looks amazing in a suit but can Ricky and Lucy get some appreciation too?

Akiridion tech powerd Camelot. Beautiful.

Strickler in troll form wearing clothes looks so weird.

Stricks and Barb are getting married!

Hey Nomura is here.

Where is NotEnrique?

Nari in Douxie's body is hilarious.

Well. Eli got hot.

Uumm. How old is Steve? Cuz I'm pretty sure he's not old enough to get pregnant.

Seriously what the hell were they thinking?! Did they need a way for Steve to not be too heavily involved with the plot? Is thats why he's pregnant? Who came up with this?!

Where's Zadra?

Douxie you almost killed Toby! And he lost his penny.

Oh the new amulet isn't working. Of course it can't be that easy.

Okay everyone's splitting up. At least they're not in a haunted house.

And Steve is wearing pregnancy pants. Where did they get pregnancy pants?

Archie's dad! Charlie is back! Some father son bonding. Oh I hope he doesn't die.

Douxie, Aaarrrgghh and Nomura team up? Alright. How are Douxie and Nomura gonna inter-

Well. She died.

Where's NotEnrique?

Barbara actually doing something? I'd expected she'd be put somewhere safe. Nice they didn't do that.

And there goes Strickler. I'm not liking how fast people are dying.

And Archie and Charlemagne, didn't die. They're just gonna conquer a kingdom for their own. Alright.

VARVATOS VEX IS BACK! GLORIOUS!

Where's Nana?

Wait when did everyone regroup? Did we miss a scene? Why is everyone at Arcadia Park?

How long does it take to retrieve a sword?

Douxie saving Nari with the power of friendship!

Really expected Claire's hair to turn completely white after transporting the Titan.

And there goes Nari and Skreal. Yikes.

No more running.

Where's NotEnrique?

Good thing Steve and Eli are busy with a pregnancy. Otherwise there'd be 11 and we wouldn't have a 9th configuration.

That is one big heartstone.

Climbing a lava titan. I feel like everyone should have gotten burned.

And Toby's stuck. Poor boy.

Belroc would be really good in Smash bros.

Hurry up Stuart!

Ooh new armor! I like it.

Alright yeah Toby!

Oh no Toby!

No. No. They didn't. They did. They actually did.

Alright I know where sad but Steve naming one of his kids Eli Jr. Is amazing.

Okay then let's retcon everything I guess! Now I'm just gonna start demanding a Trollhunter Toby series with Jim knowing everything.

Zoe got robbed.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-eight

takin’ some time to think ‘bout the songs what all debuted on billboard between on 27 september 1997, 29 september 2007, and 30 september 2017

spoiler this is extra salty, hoo boy pop music is bad and no one should like it

9.27.1997

2) "4 Seasons of Loneliness," by Boyz II Men

Yep. Yep, this is a '90s R&B slo jamz. Just a bunch of dudes singing gently about how epic and powerful some feeling is -- in this case, loneliness, which, if you were not aware, is the opposite of love. See, what makes loneliness so fascinating is, when you're in love, you're a two, right? But when you're an alone, you're a one. And if you're a one for long enough, you will eventually be alone through all four of the seasons -- winter, spring, summer, and of course, faultumln. What a brilliant job Boyz II Men do of portraying what it would be like to be single for a year.

29) "Everything," by Mary J. Blige

This is like a '90s R&B dude song from the female song. "You are my trusted friend/On you I can depend." First off, way not to end the lyric with a preposition, but also, I think I've heard that "friend/depend" from 1997 R&B dudes at least 20 times. "It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face/I would fall so deep in love, that your love can't be replaced." Face/Replace sounds new? But I wouldn't be surprised if it popped up here and there across '90s R&B. This is a bit bouncier and more upbeat than the R&B dude fare -- it's not overdramatic, it's Mary J. Blige revelling in love, so at least it has that going for it. It just doesn't feel like its own thing.

79) "Don't Go," by Le Click ft./Kayo

How come people who make dance music are so shitty at making hot dance tracks? Like, every EDM song in 2017 sounds like the apocalypse, and every dance song from 1997 is the saddest goddamned thing I've ever heard. "Don't go, my feeling can't be wrong." Now urrbody in the club gettin' desperate. Like what even is this, why are we putting this song in front of that "I'm Too Sexy" beat I can't stop hearing because Tay Tay ruined everything, why, why.

88) "Off the Books," by The Beatnuts ft./Big Punisher & Cuban Link

You know what, I didn't mind them. Everyone rapped well, and I appreciated a look at a life of crime that wasn't about drugs. You can also evade taxes, or launder money! Those are less fun crimes to commit than drugs, but they do the trick if you're out of drugs. I don't know how much of this song actually invovled money laundering, I just know the hook was "ain't nothin' but crooks in here/gettin' mad money off the books in here," and the song wasn't really worth paying attention to, so I'm just sort of hoping it was about the intricacies of money laundering.

90) "Love Is Alive," by 3rd Party

So OK this is just basic Euro stupidity CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING AMAZON AD. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING AMAZON AD WHERE THE DOG WISHES IT COULD TALK TO THE HUMAN. What even is the song they use in that ad? How did they find it? Like did they commission a song specifically for that ad? That song had to be written for the ad. They filmed and edited the ad, went to a coffee shop three blocks from the office, and asked people to take two minutes to write a song about a dog that wishes it could talk to humans. It's the worst goddamn song in the world and I have to hear it 20 times a week until the ad campaign is over because of this stupid fucking thing I'm doing. That's not fair. That's not fair! Why would you increase the degree of difficulty? I know it's late in the game, it's not supposed to be easy, but you're supposed to let me win. "I wish I could ask you how was your day." YOU'RE A DOG. YOU WISH FOR MEATS, AND THE DAY YOU DIE WILL BE THE HAPPIEST BECAUSE THAT IS THE DAY YOU GET TO HAVE A CHOCOLATE SOMETHING.

9.29.2007

14) "Good Life," Kanye West ft./T-Pain

This song is ridiculous because Kanye eventually is inspired by T-Pain to use Auto-tune on himself and makes three miserable masterpieces that affect pop/hip-hop for a decade, and this song is like the bounciest most triumphant thing off Graduation. Like you can trace a direct line from this song, with its jubilant T-Pain line and that delightful "more ass than the models" drop, to Lil Uzi Vert, who makes boring songs about how dark his mind is.

61) "1, 2, 3, 4," Feist

For some reason the top YouTube search result for this song is not this song, but rather the Plain White T's song. I hate that this is my algorithm. Also we talked about lineages, and we talked about the Amazon ad, and you can draw a direct line from this song's surprising rise to popularity to that goddamned Amazon ad. We made a folksy indie artist popular, and a decade later, we have a folksy indie-sounding song about a dog staring at a human and saying "UNDERSTAND ME! WHY?????" Like I'm listening to this song, and I'm no longer hearing the Apple ad, I'm hearing Linda from corporate's ringtone, because Linda from corporate downloaded the song from the Amazon ad. "It makes me so happy when the puppy talks to the baby!" Guys I'm not well.

86) "Inconsolable," Backstreet Boys

I feel like I'm on the precipice of an amazing joke or insight but all my brain is doing is staring at the words "Twenty years of not understanding why they keep giving AJ solos." Hey you wanna hear something bonkers? Two of the Backstreet Boys hadn't turned 30 when this song had been released. How the fuck are you gonna be in your late 20s and making adult contemporary jams. How is your life this over before you're at least 32. Also one of the Backstreet Boys was 36 in 2007. Sir, you are a Backstreet Man. I don't know what your problems are, but I can see you have several.

88) "Do It," Nelly Furtado

I mean, it exists. Like it just sort of starts, and then it doesn't stop. I felt like I was listening to this song for 1000 years because it just kept saying "do it like you do it to me." Except like I'd imagine this person is doing it to Nelly Furtado, so I guess I just don't understand why she wouldn't just urge him to keep doin' it? But then the song just faded out, and I'm just here like, did I actually listen to something? Was I supposed to hear a story, is this, is this a rough draft? Did they intend on polishing this before the release? "So you released the album before you finished the last track! Big deal! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has those days, as we are fond of saying in 2007! But we will be releasing this as a single so the whole world can hear what a bad job you did."

93) "I'm So Hood," DJ Khaled ft./T-Pain, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross & Piles

Oh, DJ Khaled group cuts, at least you're never awful. You might only whelm, and I might think Piles is just an absolute zero of a person, but it's typically pleasant to hear you when you appear. DJ Khaled: not the worst since 2007.

94) "Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)," Wyclef Jean ft./Akon, Lil' Wayne & Niia

This would be a really touching song if it sounded like anyone on this track had spent time thinking about what it means to be a sex worker. Like I'm not tryna get all tumblr here, it's just, there's so many societal forces which combine to force someone into stripping, and these dudes are just like, "She used to be so nice! Such a shame she's doing this thing. Stupid money!" Like no there's so much more to it than that. But I'm also not sure Lil Wayn is in tune with the day's social issues. Also, heck is Lil Wayn doing on this song? It kind of feels like Lil Wayn was 100% on board with strip clubs for most of his career. This song is an outlier. I don't think Lil Wayne really think it's a tragedy when someone turns to stripping.

95) "My Drink n' My 2 Step," Cassidy ft./Swizz Beatz

This song is surprisingly good and I'm actually angry that the song I think of when I think of Cassidy is "Hotel" and not this jam. Cassidy's pretty much a one-hit wonder, but this should've been the hit.

96) "Firecracker," Josh Turner

This is a cute song and Josh Turner hits some gonzo low notes, but mostly I'm now obsessed with this idea of some country dude at some point calling his dick a firecracker. Like, I think it's nice he's calling his girl a firecracker, but there's gotta be a country dude somewhere making a joke about "don't get hurt holdin' my firecracker!" right? Or maybe we could use the Southern man's propensity for getting himself injured playing with firecrackers as a euphemism for masturbation. I dunno. I'm ready to move on, but if anyone wants to start making a bro country album with me, I am willing to chase this dog.

99) "Me Enamora," Juanes

This kind of sounds like the fun Latin song on a 2016 Backstreet Boys album. Like, it just doesn't sound as fun or as exotic as the Latin pop explosion of 2017. I think I'm just reacting to the presence of a dude playing guitar in the video. Like, that's how you remove mystique from a person, is just strap a guitar around them. That tells you he's the sort of person who walks around telling people he's a "storyteller" and Bob stop now before you just 100% rip off "guitar guy at the party."

100) "Kiss Kiss," Chris Brown ft./T-Pain

hey guess what nope

30 September 2017

5) "Too Good at Goodbyes," by Sam Smith

at first i thought "i have sang this song before" in the first verse and i was all "hey, thanks for writing my review buddy!" 'cuz like no shit he's sang this song before, this is the only song sam smith has ever song, the only emotion sam smith has ever felt in all his life is "melancholy" and his songs are bland and without flavor as a result, they're just pointlessly sad, also i said fuck you at my computer when the choir kicked in, like seriously of goddamn course a choir, titanic was less predictable

44) "Dusk Till Dawn," by ZAYN ft./Sia

You know what kinda ticked me off about this song that I'm not sure should tick me off but whatever? The chorus, where Zayn goes "I'll be waiting for right he-e-e-e-eeee-ee-e-e-e-eeeeee-e heeee-e-e-e-e-eeee-e-eeeere?" Like what are you trying to do with that long note if you have to take a breath during the middle of it? That rest doesn't add any tension, it only serves to take people out of the song and say, "Why'd you stop singing, dude? It sounded like you were just gonna keep singing for a few seconds. You lack breath control? Is that it? Zero technical skill, ZAYN?" But it's entirely possible I'm the only person annoyed by that. And it's also possible I just wanted to be annoyed at something in particular, rather than just pointing at this song and shouting "BAD" like I did in the first draft. Because hoo boy, this ain't a hot one!

62) "Love So Soft," by Kelly Clarkson

OH GOD YES KELLY IS ON THE HORN BANDWAGON. I WAS SO READY FOR THOSE HORNS, I KNOW HOW POP MUSIC'S BEEN TRENDING THIS YEAR, I WAS WORRIED THIS WOULD JUST BE A BALLAD FROM THE TITLE, BUT THERE IS LIGHT HORNAGE and also this is the best Kelly song in years. The thing her voice does when she sings "it sure gonna cost YOU" is pure and it also does a million other things because it just flies around this song, Kelly Clarkson is flexing on all these young women who've got a vocal range of "whispering." The last few weeks, we've seen a good Kesha song, a good Demi song, and this Kelly Clarkson masterpiece, and I never wanna hear from goddamn Fifth Harmony ever again, not when the standard has been set.

73) "I'll Name the Dogs," by Blake Shelton

one of my favorite tweets of all time said, "would you like some traditional gender rolls? my wife made them while i was at work," and that is all i can think of most days, but also especially while listening to this song. "you find the spot and i'll find the money/you be the pretty and i be the funny." i am too logged on to ever accept this song.

80) "Found You," by Kane Brown

i would like to rescind my interest in kane brown for the time being. "what ifs" was intense, but this is knock-off sam hunt, which is itself akin to store-brand wheat thins. whatever about kane brown's vocal work on "what ifs" has completely vanished, he sort of rotates between three notes, and the lyrics are completely devoid of character, it's just, "it would have been sad if we never dated" over The Electric Drum Beat. i expected better, sir, but i hope you can be better.

81) "Gucci Gang," by Lil Pump

...Well, at least I only had to waste two minutes of my life listening to The Trap Song. At some point, these songs will be four measures long and instead of lyrics they'll just make the fun trill noises. Honestly, the trill noises? Very good. I love dudes are just going "brr!" and rolling their rs.

85) "No Limit," by G-Eazy ft./A$AP Rocky & Cardi B

You know what I like about Cardi B? This is G-Eazy's song, but Cardi B comes on the track to say, "Put a white boy on a song, I might turn G-Eazy out." In Cardi B's mind, this is her song, and while this is not Kendrick on "Control," given how awful G-Eazy's verse and how cringey Rocky's hook is, I'm willing to believe it. Still, I'm really excited for Cardi B as she increases in power and becomes more and more able to take songs from the main artist. But not this one, I don't wanna listen to this song again, it's super bad.

98) "Pills and Automobiles," by Chris Brown ft./Yo Gotti, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie & Kodak Black

Yeah, I'm all good on hearing about the things Chris Brown does in cars.

99) "Let Me Go," by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso ft./Florida Georgia Line & watt

We've given the song from the Amazon ad about a dog that wishes it could interact with the baby a lot of guff, but at least I had a reaction to it, which is more than I can say for this song. Why are there so many people on this track? How did Florida Georgia Line even get here? What did they add to this song that literally any other male singer couldn't? A second, even more useless voice? Who is watt? Am I supposed to know who watt is already? This song is dumb. I'm going to listen to "Love So Soft" fifty times.

Who won the week?

I mean. No one? 1997 was all boring, 2007 had a very good song and an ok song (Cassidy made the third-best song I heard this week. Cassidy), and 2017 has an incredible song, and then I listened to things that weren’t good for an hour. I think 2017′s gonna get it because “Love So Soft” is a lock for the top ten, whereas “Good Life” probably doesn’t make the Top 20, jubilant and lovely as it is. So basically “Love So Soft” is Kevin Garnett on the Timberwolves, just dragging a bunch of scrublords into the playoffs.

1993: 13 2007: 12 2017: 13

Next week, 1997 presents us with Aaliyah, Fiona Apple, and everyone’s favorite way to fulfill the Rule of Three: The Kinleys! 2007 responds with James Blunt, so, y’know, that’s gonna be something we have to spend time thinking about. And 2017 will give us a sassy young woman belting over horns, a tropical beat from a DJ of note, a trap song with a thousand trills, Latin pop IF WE’RE LUCKY, a song by a member of One Direction, and content from a shitheel.