#I’m going to find you motherfucker that’s their LUNCH MONEY

[ariadosanon]

Who keeps selling my students MAGIKARP for 500 PokE on their way to class.

[ghostfrog28]

My Greasefire Life as TikTok Sounds

This isn’t going to be like my DennysVerse posts where there are multiple Denny’s, it’s just the Denny’s character in general. Also, not all of these will be exactly like they are online, some or most will be edited.

~~

Lexi: The PH in the soil is too high, I’m afraid I may die!

Denny’s: Fuck yeah, concrete!

~~

Denny’s, who may or may not be drunk: How the hell you spell shofur?

Ashley: Chauffeur

Denny’s: Ooo fancy pants rich mcgee over here! Fuck you 🖕!

Ashley: …

Denny’s: Spelling-bee ass

Thad, also drunk: He gonna give me the definition next

~~

Thad: Honestly, whatever I’m down for whatever

Denny’s: We could go see a movie

Thad: We could get lunch

Denny’s: We could kill someone…

Ashley: …

Thad: Or, the apple orchard!

~~

Denny’s: Let’s fucking go, baby!

Thad: (Elegant music starts) Let’s go~

~~ Denny’s calling Ash after a graveyard shift: Excuse me, I need your help. You need to kill me.

~~

Denny’s and Ash after finding out Thad is Bi: Hope everyone is having a great Pride Month! Shout out to…The Gays🏳️‍🌈✨

~~

Denny’s before she did Ash’s hair: Who the fuck did your hair?!

Ash: (Turns around) what??

Denny’s: No, I’m on the phone, I’m on the phone

~~ 

Denny’s: On a scale of one to ten, my friend, you’re Fucked✨!

~~

(When they saw the mob of angry hippies) Ash: We cannot escape!

Denny’s: We cannot come out!

Both of them: MAMA?! (Thad)

~~

Denny’s, drunk as hell: It’S wIzArD TiME, MoThEr FuCkEr! (Throws Molotov cocktail at Lexi) FiRe BaLl!

~~ Ash: Denny’s, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Denny’s: I don’t know, two-three days? Not important! I don’t need sleep, I need answers! I need to determine where in this Swamp of unbalanced formulas squat is the toad of truth?!

~~

Duke, extremely high: You ever seen a ghost?!

Ash, trying to plead his case to the police: I was over on the bench. I was over on the bench. I was over on the bench. I was sitting over on the bench. I Was Over On The Bench!

Brady: I made a salad with Craisins!

Thad, trying to bail Ash or Denny’s out of jail: Hello, I’m Chip Mulaney, I’m your father!

Duke: But sometimes, he would be gay~

Denny’s, drunk: Ever been to the goddamn zoo?!

DJ Cookie: I used to smoke crack!

Denny’s, either sleep deprived or hungover or both: What’s yesterday??

Denny’s: Shut up! You’re all gonna die! Street smarts!

Denny’s with the thermos: (Something loudly being set down! Boom! Orange juice! That’s life!

Lexi: Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm!

Denny’s, Ash, and Thad: Give us some money!

Denny’s beating up Lexi: Stay down on the ground! Stay down on the ground, you motherfucker!

Denny’s or Ash: Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?!

Ash, finding a cover story: But why don’t we just tell our relatives, that I’m a four year old boy?

Denny’s: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you?!

Ash after his Mitski meltdown in episode 4: I am now gross!

Brady: But what’s this! PEPPA!

~~ That is all for now! I have a lot more and I’ll probably make another soon!

[helenofsimblr]

Elita: After the situation downstairs, Kane headed back up top, time to get high as a kite ready for a sex marathon with Azura. As he was headed back upstairs he ran into Jure Vulpe, the master chemist who was running a steady supply of Bliss out of the club.

Jure: Kira seems to be having another one of her tantrums.

Kane: What about now?

Jure: I suspect it's about the new blonde downstairs, with the big ones. Mother says she’s to be a dancer. You should deal with Kira or I may have to. Maybe Yakob would… if she continues her path..

Kane: I’ll handle it, don’t worry. 

Jure: I’ve lived a long life, Kane. I’ve learned that living a good life requires preparation, alertness and just a touch of wariness extends the possibilities of staying that way. Perhaps you need to take a leaf out of my book. Solve this problem before Mother or Yakob finds out. She will be far less forgiving than me… and we both know how it would go if Yakob is sent to deal with her.

Elita: And quick as that, Jure walked off no doubt going to cook up more Bliss. Kane sighed and went through the door. 

****

Kane: Hey, I just ran into Jure, um… he thinks you’re concerned about something?

Silence.

Kane: Uh, you lose your fucking voice or what?

Kira: My voice is fine, Kane… probably the only thing of me that is. Azura found Judith huh, and what’s gonna happen next?

Kane: We’re gonna clean her up and then unveil our new dancer. I think that missing eye and a patch is gonna be a big fuckin’ draw.

Kira: Oh gods… I knew it. I tell you, between the Moriarty’s, the cops, and the vampires in here, we’re gonna get ourselves killed over this place!

****

Kane: That’s just the nerves talking. It’ll all be ok. Moriarty’s aren’t a problem. They send goons, we send the dancers and Yakob for a buffet lunch! All you gotta do is keep quiet.

Kira: Kane… that… You don’t get it do you?

Kane: No, and Kira I ain’t got time for this shit. I got a club to run and you’re here giving me bad vibes. What the fuck is the fucking problem?

Kira: Judith has a family, Kane! People who love her, and we have her here and you just want to use her to make more money. I don’t like Judith, never did, even before she became a vampire but this is wrong… so so wrong. 

Kane: If making money is wrong, then I’m the most wrong motherfucker on the planet right now.

Kira: I presume you have a plan for if Guy or Bob or one of our cousins finds out about this?

[all-for-the-simps]

Star Trek: DS9 characters x male reader

Scenarios based on oneliners, and quotes from my old, discarded fanfics… Part 1

{My original lines will be a different colour and no, I’m not giving you any of the original context–]

[All of these can be perceived as romantic, platonic, or familial etc, etc, everything is up to you.]

🚫female-aligned people DNI🚫

[If any of these are out of character, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing ;-;]

-----

1 - *Quark, Odo, and Kira fighting at the bar*

Kira: “We found you scamming your customers.”

Quark: “Who said I was? I–”

Odo: “You have a history of scamming and these actions will no longer be tolerated.”

Kira: “So, either give back the money and refund all these people or come with us.”

Quark: “You mean, I can choose?”

Kira: “Listen here, you little bitch–”

Quark: “Seriously? Can you get more creative with the names? You’ve called me a bitch three times. Where’s the variety?"

*Kira straight up sucker punches Quark square in the face*

Y/N, in the background: “GodDAMN–”

2 - *Y/N to Dukat, at literally any point, any time they ever meet*

Y/N: “If you weren’t a disgusting motherfucker, I’d be sorry for what I’m about to do. But you are one, so I have no regrets.”

Dukat: “Wait, what?--”

*Dukat gets absolutely destroyed by Y/N and his boots (Basically, he gets repeatedly kicked in the ribs in a hallway somewhere-)*

Sisko, appearing out of nowhere: “That’s some good shit, right there.”

3 - *Bashir, narrating to himself, just minding his own business*

Bashir: “I made breakfast… Well, I poured cereal into a bowl and ate it, not really ‘making’ it, really…”

*Bashir, cereal bowl in hand, looks up to find Y/N staring at him from the couch*

Y/N: “… Girl, what is you doing??”

4 - [Season One] [Y/N is a teenager just like Jake and Nog were in that season]

*Jake, and Y/N taking Nog somewhere to teach him how to read*

Nog: “Where exactly are you taking me?”

Jake: “Somewhere secret.”

Nog: “You’re not going to teach me in public are you? That’s kind of embarrassing.”

Jake: "It's a secret place, isn't it? If it was in public, it wouldn't be secret, would it?"

Nog: “…”

Y/N: “Makes sense to me.”

5 - O’Brien: “Y/N, you could just give me the present. I could just give it to Julian for you.”

Y/N: “No, I want to do it myself…”

O’Brien: “At this rate, you’ll never give it to him.”

Y/N: “I’m trying, okay? It’s just… I never have the right opportunity…”

O’Brien: “It’s been so long, I might as well break into your quarters and get it, myself.”

Y/N: “You break into my quarters, I’m going to break your nose.”

O’Brien: “Bro, chill–”

6 - *Y/N picking up Bashir from the Infirmary for lunch*

Bashir: “I’ll be with you in a second, let me just sort this out.”

*Y/N nodded and walked closer to Bashir to see what he was doing*

Bashir: “I’m sorry this is taking so long, I can’t seem to find a specific…”

*Bashir trails off in concentration and Y/N looks at the mess of his database*

Y/N: “Oh, darling, we need to get you a filing system.”

Bashir, close to tears: “I know ;-;”

7 - *Sisko and Dax talking about introducing Y/N to Garak*

Sisko: “Do you think they’ll get along?”

Dax: “I’m not sure. Garak’s quite welcoming and open and all, but he has some rather strange tendencies. And Y/N… He’s Y/N. Lovely man, but… Y’know…”

Sisko: “I see what you mean.”

Dax: “Well, one thing’s for certain.”

Sisko: “What’s that?”

Dax: “Their arguments are going to be absolutely fantastic.”

Sisko, who knows that Cardassian’s flirt by arguing: “You what?--”

8 - *Non-Starfleet Y/N trying to get a job at Quark’s*

Y/N: “Quark, I need a job. I have to pay a debt.”

Quark: “A debt to who?”

Y/N: “An academy on Bajor.”

Quark: “Ah, student loans. Yeah, good luck with that.”

Y/N: “I know you won’t pay me much, but I’m working like three different jobs right now.”

Quark, looking Y/N up and down: “I see that you’re desperate.”

Y/N: “You think?”

Quark, sighing: “I could do with another waiter.”

Y/N: “Don’t trust me with the food, I could poison someone.”

Quark: “… Accidentally or intentionally?”

Y/N, shrugging almost too casually: “Depends on who it’s for.”

Quark, now not knowing how to feel: “… I’m scared if I say ‘no’, I’m going to get shot.”

9 - *Worf, training Y/N for combat in the holosuite*

Y/N: “Can we load in more enemies?”

Worf: “Y/N, we’ve been at this for three hours. You almost passed out 20 minutes ago.”

Y/N: “How am I supposed to get better if I don’t train?”

Worf: “If we do another round with more enemies, you’re probably going to die.”

Y/N: “What’s a little peril?”

Worf, staring at him, confused and concerned: “… You are strange.”

10 - *Keiko’s going on a short trip and has left Molly with her husband and his two friends, Bashir and Y/N*

O’Brien: “Have you got everything?”

Keiko: “Yes, I do. But have you got everything?”

O’Brien, nodding to Bashir and Y/N, who were just standing there like the clueless idiots they were: “With their help, we should be just fine.”

Keiko, looking at them all: “Let’s hope you will be…”

O’Brien: “Go on, or you’ll miss the shuttle.”

Keiko: “Alright, alright. Goodbye, Molly!”

Molly: “Bye-bye :)”

Y/N: “Have fun, Keiko!”

*Keiko walks out of view and Bashir looks around*

Bashir: “So, uh… You want to go the holosuite and play the pirates simulation?”

Y/N: “Julian, we have a babysitting job to do. We can’t just leave Miles here on his own.”

Bashir: “Y/N… That’s his daughter, I think he can take care of her just fine.”

Y/N: “I wasn’t talking about Molly.”

O’Brien: “Oh, you mother fu–”

Molly, from across the room: “Daddy! Watch your language!”

O’Brien: “… She learned that from Keiko.”

*Suddenly, the quarter’s doors opened to reveal Keiko*

Keiko, pointing a finger at O’Brien: “And don’t forget to water the plants while I’m gone! Last time I left, I came back and my ivy was dead.”

*With that, she was gone*

Y/N: “Well… We’ll leave you to it.”

Bashir: “Good luck.”

*They both start walking out*

O’Brien: “Guys, please–” -----

Hope you enjoyed it. I had fun remembering old fics and reading the stuff I used to come up with.

Hopefully, got the characterization right.

Yeah... So, that was that.

See you next time :)

[shurisneakers]

harmless (vi)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, existential crisis, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, lil bit of angst, clint barton being a lil shit

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: BUCKY BARNES IS BACK AND HAS A CONFIRMED PERSONALITY 

also omg everyone who’s been sending me ideas- ur the lomls. 

if you have any ideas for future inventions/evil plans, lemme know! i might actually end up using them

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

Your place or mine? ;)

He stares at the text.

The right answer is mine. See you at the lair.

“Y’all are dating now?” Clint peeks over his shoulder. 

“Fuck no,” Bucky says indignantly. “God forbid.”

“Okay, man,” he retracts, giving Bucky space to turn around and face him. “What do you want to call your mini dates then?”

“Missions,” Bucky corrects him.

“No one wants to go on a mission. You volunteered to go back there.” 

“It’s for the good of the tristate area.” 

“I bet.” The snort he lets out contradicts his words. “Whole world is depending on you, Barnes. Go save them from the treachery of your crush.”

“Enemy.”

“Girlfriend.”

“Mortal nemesis.” Bucky narrows his eyes at him. “Go further, I dare you.”

“What are you gonna do? Choke me? Punch me with your metal arm?” Clint cranes his neck. “Bring it, big boy. I’m not scared of some kinky shit.”

He hates living here. 

The door is left open for him. 

This time, even though the lair is still illuminated by the green light out in the front, there’s a minor change. Sunlight streams in through a skylight in the roof. 

There’s a ladder there, leaning against the rim. It gives him an entrance to the roof, which, judging by the lack of any other presence in the lab, is where he’s supposed to go.

As he gets closer he notices there’s a note on one of the rungs.

‘Evil’ with an arrow pointing upwards.

He rolls his eyes, discarding it on the floor before swiftly scaling the steps.

“Ah, Mr. Barnes,” he hears your voice call out even before his head pops up above the surface. “We’ve been expecting you.” 

He pauses, looking around. “Who’s with you?”

Because other than the gigantic machine pointed up towards the sky, there’s only you with a visor and sunglasses. The  best way he can describe its design was that it was shaped like a pine cone, had a large antenna pointed towards the sky, two handlebars near its base to manoeuvre it with a large button in between them. 

“Just imagine I have my henchmen with me,” you urge. “I’m on a budget, man, I can’t afford them yet. Maybe when my cloning machine finally works-”

He doesn’t answer.

“It’s a James Bond reference,” you add when he doesn’t show any signs of answering. 

“Haven’t watched it yet.” Bucky shrugs. “We’re doing Star Trek right now.”

“You’re done with Star Wars?” you, receiving a nod in confirmation. “Nice. You’d find the spy shit ridiculous anyway, it’s way below your level.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He makes a mental note to add the Bond movies to the list. 

“Speaking of stars,” you begin, gesturing to the machine. “I’m going to harness the power of the sun.”

“For what?” He doesn’t bother asking how, he already knows you’ve figured out something. 

“There’s a science exhibition and my team’s stupid solar car experiment isn’t working and I need it for them to win.” 

“So build a better one.” 

“No, ours is the best and if Jeff and his stupid baking soda volcano beat us then we’re going to have a murder on our hands.”

“Your hands,” he emphasises. He has nothing to do with this.

“I said what I said, boy.” You glare at him. “This is our problem now.”

“How much power are you taking?” If it’s insignificant enough, it wouldn’t matter much. He thinks. 

“The whole thing.”

He laughs. He stops when you don’t.

“You’re taking all the energy of the sun to power your shitty science model.”

“Your face is a shitty science model,” you mimic him in a higher pitched voice. “I will do anything to win.”

He wonders which grade kid you stole that insult from was in. There’s no way they were anything older than 13. He could use it on Steve, maybe.

“Everyone on Earth will die.” He feels the need to remind you, even though there was no way it was actually going to take place. Eat shit, Clint. This superseded the tristate area.

“Not for eight minutes.” You look at your watch. “And, if Jeff dies then I win by default.”

“You’ll die too,” he points out. 

“I’ll die a winner.” You nod seriously as if that makes it better. 

He’s not that worried. Experience tells him that you’re not a mass murderer willingly. 

“You’ll die an idiot.” 

“Only if you don’t stop me.” Your lips curve into a smile. “And how will you when I do this?”

You yank the machine to point towards him and slam the button. His hand reflectively pulls in front of him to defend himself. Something hits him with enough force to send him skidding backwards slightly. 

He removes his hand carefully from in front of him, looking at you. 

Something feels off.

“You just-”

The knives strapped to his thighs suddenly feel heavier.

“Took your powers?” you finish his thought. “Yeah.”

He feels his body tip towards his left. He’s suddenly very aware of the weight of the arm. Had it been this heavy all this while? 

“You’ve barely changed,” you noted, “You’re just regular Bucky but like, 20% less beef.”

After all, he was a boxer when he was a teen. One of the best men the Howling Commandos had even before the serum.

His shoulder feels heavier though. And somehow he thinks he’s sensing things a little less. He can’t really hear the faint buzzing of the generator downstairs anymore.

“Yep, that’s real muscle.” He turns when you poke at his shoulder. He doesn’t know when you got there. “You’re like a modern day Schwarzenegger. Grade A beefcake.”

He can’t see the construction site near the horizon as clearly as he used to. 

Something about this situation makes him feel like he’s going to have a midlife crisis, even though he’s overshot the age by a huge number. No one has a midlife crisis at 106. 

“Now that we’ve established that this works,” you say, back near the machine again. When did you walk there? “Let’s show this bitch that I’m the brightest star allowed in this solar system.” 

He shakes his head to jolt himself awake, shoves aside his mental dysfunction and breaks out into a sprint when you pull the device down to aim it at the sky. 

He latches onto the side, using his left hand to pull himself up, straddling the machine.

“Excuse me,” you exclaim like it’s a minor inconvenience and he feels the machine sway wildly under him. “You’re weighing it down, get off my inator.”  

You’re shooting recklessly, trying to shake him off. It’s not dissimilar to the mechanical bull Natasha made him ride during a mission down south so she could win money off placing bets on him. They had lobster that night.

He reaches down to its side, hoping to feel maybe a panel he can rip off. He finds nothing.  

He hopes none of the rays are actually hitting anything. It’s a little harder to stay on than he’d imagined it would be, and he thinks that maybe this wasn’t the best plan. 

He changes his mind in a split second, swinging himself over so that he can climb the underside of the machine like a monkey bar. He feels like a fucking insect. How was Peter not mortally embarrassed? 

He factors in the fact that his hands are getting clammier and his grip is slipping faster than usual. Also, he can taste his lunch at the back of his throat.

“Motherfucker,” Bucky curses when his hand slips, leaving him to hold on only by his metal arm. 

“You okay?” you call out, not giving him a second to recover unless he really needed it.

He lets out a grunt, swinging his arm up and catching hold of the antenna, yanking it down and towards the machine itself. He pulls himself up so that he’s straddling the machine again. 

One more shot and-

“Very smart, Barnes,” you say dryly, letting go of the handles. 

He sends you a sly grin before sliding down the barrel, kicking the large button with his heel right before he jumps off. 

The beam shoots out, instantly meeting with metal. The device automatically gives a mechanical groan before powering down, turning off altogether. 

“I hate you,” you huff, before noting his paleness. “D’you want some water? An IV maybe?”

He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, inhaling heavily to catch his breath.

He’s tired, more so than he would have been under any normal circumstance. He feels a little dizzy, a little disoriented. 

“Don’t worry, your magic powers will be back in a few minutes or so.” You examine the bent antenna, pressing the button and sighing when it stands there lifelessly. “Once Jeff wins, I’ll send the dry cleaning receipt to you. You can pay to get the tear stains out of the kids’ outfits.”

“Your tears or theirs?” He’s relieved about the powers returning, he thinks.

“Both, bitch.” Your eyebrow quirks at his retort. Clearly, he had more energy in him than people realised; his brain seemed to be working fine. He was stronger than you thought. Good for him. 

“You’re smart. You’ll figure something out.” He lets out a final exhale before standing up a little straighter. 

“Thanks. It’d be better if you asked your billionaire tech genius to send us something, but okay.”

“It’s a middle school science exhibition. Make a potato battery or something.”

You tsk-tsk. “No points for creativity, Mr. Barnes.”

It creeps into his mind without warning. He wonders if he actually wanted the powers back. Wonders what his life could be if he maybe retired, settled down. For the brief time he feels like his pre-war self, he starts to think like his pre-war self.

“I’m not the one who’s about to lose to a baking soda volcano,” he finds time to respond, however. 

“Your face is a baking soda volcano.” You narrow your eyes at him. “I will not lose.”

“You’re running out of time. Chop chop.”

But the thought hits him. Who is Bucky without his super soldier serum? If he doesn’t have his powers then he can’t think of what use he is to the Avengers.

Who the hell is Bucky if he can’t provide a service to others? How else does he make up for being himself?

His, what he’s now deemed, afterlife crisis is starting to look more apparent.

He compartmentalises and stores it away in a box. He’ll bring it up with his therapist later. 

“I’m going to win and then you’ll be sorry you weren’t a part of it because you didn’t let me steal the sun.” 

“If you win, I’ll still be glad I didn’t let you.” He climbs back down the ladder, feeling the ache in his muscles reduce with every passing minute. 

True to your word, his powers do return a while later. 

And while he’s watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Peter in the living room two days later, his phone beeps with a text. 

It’s a picture of a blue first place ribbon next to a toy car that looks like it’s powered by a potato battery. Beside it is an out of focus middle finger that is aimed at him. 

Congratulations, he texts back. Told you potato batteries always win.

Your face always wins, he receives in return. He can’t tell if you’re insulting or flirting with him. 

He just shuts his phone off and goes back to watching the show. 

Next part

[double-hoe-seven]

AFC Richmond Staff as Partners

I did this for the team, now I’m doing it for the Richmond staff y’all.

Here’s AFC Richmond as boyfriends just in case you missed it.

Yippee Ki Yay motherfuckers (affectionately).

Ted Lasso

Look, Mr. Theodore Lasso just wants you to be happy.

That’s it. Ted wants to make sure you’re always happy and comfortable, and that you always feel loved and appreciated.

He’d go to the ends of the earth for your smile.

That being said, he’s trying to prevent the same issues that caused his divorce, he’s a little insecure about running you off.

You like to text him little messages of encouragement when he’s got a game if you can’t be there and he’ll do the same when you have a big project at work.

Your date nights include casual dinners, going to the movies or for walks in the park, or coffee and just getting cozy together.

He will always give you a massage if you ask, without hesitation. He just likes touching you in such an intimate, sensual way.

He’s random. He’ll randomly show up to take you to lunch or he’ll come home one day with a stuffed bear or something.

“On my way home I stopped to tie my shoe and when I looked up, this store had this cute little guy in the window. Say hello to Teddy Bear Lasso. See how he looks like a little cowboy?” “He’s adorable, Ted, I’ll put him on the mantle so I can see him every morning.”

The only person sweeter than Sam.

Coach Beard

After everything that went down to him and Jane, your relationship started off slowly.

He’s not exactly the most vocal person, he’s more of a man of gestures than of words.

Meaning, he’ll do things but he won’t often tell you what he’s thinking.

It takes a hot minute before he lets himself be completely comfortable around you.

Because he won’t tell you whats going on in his mind, you have to learn to read his expressions and his different silences.

You bonded with Keeley over Beard and Roy’s silences.

He did start leaving his flat a little earlier in the mornings so he can catch you on your way to the rail system and give you some coffee and a kiss before going to your jobs.

He shows up at your flat every monday with food so you can snuggle up with a movie.

Sometimes he knows when you need something before you do so he’ll randomly show up with tampons or flour because he noticed you were running low last time he was over.

Keeley Jones

Keeley is the best girlfriend in the entire goddamn world.

She knows everything about you; your favorite foods based on your mood or if its that time of the month, you favorite color for clothes, your favorite outfit, movies, music, or book genres.

Her happy, bubbly attitude is contagious, you can’t be sad around her.

There are so many nights where you two just kick back with margaritas and a movie, feet kicked up on the coffee table while your pedicures dry.

She’s so damn snuggly and affectionate it’s adorable.

She loves surprises; both giving and receiving them.

Without hesitation, she will go after anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

She’s the type of girlfriend who will correct someone who got your order wrong. You get the wrong food? She’ll send it back politely. 

She’s sweet and she knows shes a fucking snacc. You can’t say your hungry around her because she’ll always say “well you’ve got the best snacc in the world right here.”

Rebecca Welton

She loves having you in her office on the days you work remotely, simply so you can spend more time together.

So much wine is involved in your dates.

She’s somewhat of a sugar mommy but she also knows you don’t want her money, you just want her.

Keeley calls you goals, Ted calls you a perfect match, and Roy hates how often Keeley makes him go on double dates but he thinks you’re cool enough.

She gets anxious when she hasn’t heard from you in a while because of everything that happened with Rupert but she knows you wouldn’t do anything bad.

Big “fuck around and find out” energy when it comes to people bothering you.

Oh Rupert has shit to say? Get fucked you decrepit shitbag. Just die already.

Will the Kitman

Soft boy hours 24/7/365

You really just met by accident, you were dropping off something for your brother and literally ran into one another.

So many soft dates with him; cinema dates, drive-in dates, bookstore dates, coffee dates, all of the soft dates in the world.

There’s so much communication too, you tell each other everything.

He worries he’s not good enough but he also knows how much you love him, no matter what he thinks.

He can only fall asleep after you do.

He’s good at carnival games, and I mean ridiculously good.

clumsy boi

Like he can pop the maximum amount of balloons with three darts but he can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.

He’s got a fear of heights.

But he’s working on it so eventually, he can propose to you on the London Eye.

Nathan Shelley

No.

I said what I said.

I’m still mad at him.

Yes, I’m prepared to die mad on this hill.

Tag Team: @bdffkierenwalker​

[wastelandslug]

ace attorney gameplay notes 28/12/21 (spoilers)

LOTTA is my GIRLFRIEND and i love her lil cryptid ass

we hit the ‘it wasnt christmas yet!’ line, pogCHAMP

that boat man is was my dad and now hes probs the murderer, we all make mistakes

NICK YOU CANT JUST MAKE CAREER PATH CHOICES BASED ON GETTING TO SEE UR BESTIE!!!!! 

nick x miles 4eva

i would die for larry

nick being the only one to remember the lunch money trial? iconic

EDGEWORTH CHARACTER LORE YESS

“I’m sorry Wright, I’m not that good of a person.” YOU SEE THIS SHIT? PREMIUM LORE

yogi,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,like the bear?

robert hammond is a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER, he PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE!  That's right. He took his lawyer fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting, so I-

i would die for detective dick gumshoes, aka detective detective detective

i like the cell shading(im playing the steam vers)

do you remember mr moneybags from monopoly? well THIS is him now! [insert picture of grossberg]

TINY MINI MILES NO PRECIOUS BABBYYYY

Grossberg is illiterate trust me he told me himself

you’re telling me a GHOST LIED? scandalous 

von karma is a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER, he PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE!  That's right. he took-

the judge going ‘idk what youre saying but it checks out so idk’

von karmas breakdown animation being him baging his head on the wall over and over again? mood

THE GHOST DIDNT LIE HELL YEAH

the court finds miles edgeworth Hot Milky

LARRY TOOK THE LUNCH MONEY???? your honour you had to be there, you wouldnt get it

fr larry, miles and nick are the best trio ever can you IMAGINE game nights w them

LET ME HUG MAYA GOODBYE YOU COWARDS

oh my god payne shut UP

penny and maya are pen pals thats so cute

MIA WAS THE GHOST IN THE PIC SHUT UPPP THATS SO COOL

i think ive got another chapter left, but im gonna skedaddle and hit the hay rn, its getting late aha 

bye!

[mizunetzu]

hi hi! so uhh i may or may not be that one guy who wrote the kaede fic 🙃 but i was wondering if i could request a gn reader, who’s like aizawas adopted kid (it’s a lowkey thing but they never rlly try to keep it a secret) and basically all the staff treat u like their own. maybe reader and iida are dating and everyone’s high key shocked cuz reader and iida have v contrasting personalities? (ex: reader: sarcastic, ironic, clumsy, etc, while iidas the opposite) idk man i just rlly love aizawa and anime men with glasses what can i say? feel free to ignore if u don’t wanna write it, have a good day <33

Heeeeellooooo !! I wasn’t sure whether to put this in my platonic section or my Iida section in my masterlist so I figured I’d put it in both HAHAHAHA enjoy my headcannons bc I couldn’t think of a story plot-

——————

Headcannons - Aizawas kid dating Iida

⚠��warnings - haha none

pronouns - genderneutral, they/them

——————

I think we should get this out of the way

UR LIFE IS A FUCJIN SHIT SHOW

I mean it’s not like a bad shit show but it’s definitely main character vibes

Sorry Midoryia

U WERE ADOPTED BY MOTHERFUCKING AIZAWA

YOU PRACTICALLY HAVE TWO DADS AND ONE OF THOSE SUPER COOL AUNTS WHO LETS YOU DO STUFF AIZAWA WONT ALLOW

He lets you sit in the teachers lounge during lunch or any free time

Or when he has to stay at UA and can’t drive u home (before the dorm system sidjdjjddj)

Which leads me to: Mic and Midnight

Aka: DISASTER INFLUENCES

Whenever Mic spots u in the teachers lounge he makes it a point to acknowledge your existence in the loudest was possible

“hey HEY HEY! ITS LIL’ AIZAWA! IN THE LOUNGE! EATING THEIR BENTO! WITH CHOPSTICKS!”

if it ain’t obvious enough HAHAHAA

Midnight is such a bad influence Jesus Christ don’t get me started

She’d sneak you money when Aizawa does some wack shit

“Hey kid”

*slips a twenty*

“don’t tell your dad I gave this to you he was tooootally a jerk for not letting you beat up that 1-H kid.”

She also once tried setting you up with some kid in a different course

Aizawa got BIG MAD HAHAHA

Mic ‘babysits’ because he doesn’t trust Midnight to do so (before dorm system ofc)

It’s more of you babysitting him with all his work problems tho

One time you were on Hands Up Radio

That was fun

ANYWAYS

For the people who just wanted the platonic Dadzawa section of this rq, stop reading here HAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHA

ok so

Since you had freedom of the UA teachers lounge

You were,,.more carefree than most

So when you turn up one day like “hey me and Iida are going out on a date I can’t b late sorry”

When I tell you Aizawa gasped

Like this man is poker face to a tee

But

THIS MAN WAS SHOCKED

Mic literally went 😀>😳>😃>🤩😍🥳

Midnight was like “aww cute !! ✨❤️”

He drove you to the cafe where y’all were meeting so he could confirm y’all were like,,,on a date and not you just,,,using him as an excuse to buy drugs or smth

When he saw Iida there waiting he was like “this is fine. Everything is fine. Iida is responsible.”

ok but mans was like *nervous dad sweating*

when Iida saw u n dadzawa turn up his face went from happy to confused to stressed and SCARED-

He was like “oh shit did Aizawa sensei find out bout us FUCK I’m so sorry pls don’t tell tensei <:((“

Course he wasn’t cussing but-

Iida and Aizawa talked for like 5 minutes before he left yall to ur date thegernrj

SPEAKING OF TENSEI

Since he’s a more popular hero and didn’t work at UA you didn’t see him as much as you did Mic or Midnight

But you still met him on occasion bc he was close with Aizawa and Mic and shit

The class didn’t find out that you and Iida were a thing until Iida told them

THEY GASPED TOO HAHAHAHA

CLASS DAYDREAMER WITH THE MAN WHO HAS A STICK UP HIS ASS

PERSON WHO STRUGGLES TO PAY ATTENTION WITH THE MAN WHO HAS A STICK UP HIS ASS

CREATIVE INCLINED PERSON WITH THE MAN WHO HAS A STICK UP HIS-

Literally Mina was tryna set u two up for the LONGEST TIME AND SHE WAS SO ANGEE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT YALL WERE JUST PRETENDING NOT TO DATE WHILE SHE BUSTED HER ASS TRYNA NUDGE YALL TOGETHER

She got over it when she saw you and Iida hug *romatically*

she literally squealed HAHAHAH

ok

remember when I said “u didn’t see tensei often bc he was a busy hero and he didn’t work at ur dads job” or smth

I lied

after his legs went bonk bonk and you went bink bink with iida, you pretty much see him 24/7

like you thought you were dating Iida? No ur dating Iida and his brother

that sounds wrong wait I didn’t mean it like that

BUT YOU GET MY POINT

[aforrestofstuff]

Been a hot minute since I did one of these. A good friend of mine gave me a suggestion on my discord:

So yeah this required a lot of research because I only eat like 3 things lol. Obligatory crack warning.

Tornado of Terror: Ice cream because A: it’s good practice for her esper powers to control a semi-liquidous substance and B: her constant rage has actually raised her default body temperature an additional ten degrees, so eating ice cream is a good way to cool off. 

Silverfang: Oatmeal raisin cookies because he’s an old fuck. He likes chewy things because his teeth are held together by sheer force of will but also indulges in that extra crunch of the oatmeal to remind everyone in the old folk’s home just who the fuck they’re messing with. 

Atomic Samurai: Any dessert-flavored cocktail that is made up of around 90% alcohol and 5% violence. 

Child Emperor: Kid eats sweets for breakfast lunch and dinner, dessert to him would probably be a head of broccoli drizzled with a light yet flavorful dressing. Either that or milkshakes, because I get the feeling he doesn’t get to enjoy them too often... and of course they remind him of the good times with Zombieman. 

Metal Knight: Only eats pre-packaged nutrient bricks and has not tasted anything sweet nor enjoyed a food morsel in at least 17 years. 

King: I headcanon King as a huge momma’s boy who doesn’t get to eat a lot of homemade food because he fucking sucks at cooking and makes enough money to eat out all the time anyway, so his favorite dessert would probably be every and any home-cooked treat his mom makes for him. 

Zombieman: I’ll be honest, I thought this dude hated sweet things but after reading that manga extra of him drinking sugar with a side of coffee, my opinion has switched. His favorite dessert would probably be something extremely decadent and sweet, like one of those 1000-calorie Dairy Queen sundae-shakes jam packed with chocolate and cookie crumbs. Or an entire fucking lava cake because this dude’s metabolism is faster than the speed of light and he’d probably stomach something like that just to see if he can, since apparently he’s all about breaking his own limiters. A friend of mine once ate three-dozen pot brownies in one sitting while speedrunning Mario 64 and I think Zombieman would be able to do that without the aid of the munchies. I know Zman internally insulted Pig God one time for well, eating like a pig but give the dude some alone time and an all you can eat buffet of sweets and he’d find himself in the same situation. 

Drive Knight: Does not have a favorite food in general due to this motherfucker not installing tastebuds on account of them not being necessary to commit all degrees of murder. 

Pig God: Oh my god. More like what isn’t this dude’s favorite dessert? Pig God has lost the ability to dislike anything he puts in his mouth because eating has pretty much become his main source of income, so it’s safe to say that if he can swallow it, it’s his favorite food. That includes desserts, but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t partial to pudding. Just pudding. Bread pudding, chocolate pudding, strawberry pudding. Pudding. 

Superalloy Darkshine: I’ve said this before but my boy Darkshine only eats the most obnoxiously healthy foods out there, sometimes over health-ifying those foods himself in his kitchen/protein meth lab. His favorite dessert would probably be one of those ancient bread seed logs and only because he’s allowed to put .2 ounces of stevia in it.  Either that or literally just any fruit ever.

Watchdog Man: Those pumpkin-flavored dog treats because my man gets paid 2 cents an hour at the Hero Association and the poor mf in charge of payroll has forgotten he exists so he’s grown accustomed to eating only the dog-related foods people leave to him as offerings on his weird pedestal thing in City Q. 

Flashy Flash: Doesn’t really have an affinity for sweet things on account of how fucking awful life in the Ninja Village was. He never got the opportunity to develop a sweet tooth because of all the basic ass food he’d be eating. Almost all desserts listed here would give him a heart attack, like making a Victorian era child drink McDonald’s sprite. It will not sit right with his spirit. His favorite dessert would he any vaguely sweet fruit with wine, or a coffee that is 90% creamer.

Genos: Something in my spirit is telling me he’d enjoy anything strawberry-related, although Saitama doesn’t like them. This leads to them falling out while a shortcake bakes in the background. Im kidding, obviously. But seeing as how ONE has a very “go stupid aaaaaaaa” attitude towards writing, it would be a very tame end to their relationship (assuming there’s gonna be an end) compared to all the other shitdick stuff happening in this series. Zombieman’s ass has been out for like 8 chapters, you can’t tell me shit.

Metal Bat: Kiddo snorts protein powder for breakfast, probably. He’s ripped as hell and his diet reflects that sorta, with a hint of seventeen year-old craziness thrown in there. Bitch eats like a violent stoner sometimes because he knows his metabolism can handle it and he won’t die from food poisoning nor food coma. However, his favorite dessert would be creme brûlée because it’s the only food you’re required to beat the shit out of before eating, and we all know he loves bonking stuff.

Tanktop Master: Over health-ifys shit like Darkshine, just to a lesser degree. However I also HC him as a huge momma’s boy, and if said mother is supportive in his endeavors to become the world’s swolest man, she’d definitely make him something both sweet and healthy. However, I’d doubt he care about slipping up on his diet every once and a while. He’d probably enjoy a soft serve here and there.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: his palate is very limited on account of being in literal prison. However, he doesn’t really hate it there for some reason, and I’ve even stated in a previous hc that he sometimes gets specialized meals in the cafeteria due to his status as a hero. His favorite dessert would probably be whatever chocolate-flavored sweet brick they can shit out. Like, motherfuckers get really creative with their ingredients while locked up and there’s a bomb ass recipe for chocolate cake floating around that I’ve tried and can confirm it’s 10/10 not bad. I’m getting off-topic. His favorite dessert is whatever asshole he’ll be eating out of that night.

Saitama: Even though he’s poorer than.... fuck, I don’t know. He’s broke but he still indulges in the prestige shit here and there. He’s got a massive sweet tooth even though he’s ripped as hell, hence why he eats so much fruit because it’s the only sweet thing he can afford to ingest without losing his gains. His favorite dessert would be anything banana-related, but nothing as decadent as say, dark chocolate. Probably banana foster waffles. I don’t know why that popped into my head, I just know Saitama would like them.

Garou: motherfucker could shit on a rock with sprinkles on it and call it dessert. His favorite, though? Sweet, sweet victory. And candy bars.

[lady-divine-writes]

ACITW AU one-shot - “Draining Pipes” (Rated M)

Summary: After Sebastian is accidentally exposed to Covid, Kurt convinces him to quarantine. While the rest of the city is slowly opening up, Kurt is returning to a life that resembles normal. But for Sebastian, home alone without his boyfriend, isolation is changing him. And Kurt has some concerns... (2063 words)

Notes: Yes, this is a pandemic fic, but I promise, it's funny XD

Read on AO3.

"Hi, honey! I'm home!"

"Nope. Try again."

Kurt's head snaps up so quickly he stutters a step, nearly tripping over his feet even though he'd already stopped walking. He glares at Sebastian from across the room as if the man had gotten up from his seat, strolled over, and, without a word, vomited rancid sushi all over his Manolo Blahniks. "What?"

In a tone reminiscent of one his NYADA dance teacher, Cassie July, used that made Kurt prickle from head to toe, Sebastian says, "Try. again."

"Try what again?"

"Walking through the door."

Kurt spins around to examine the doorway, searching for clues about what he could have possibly done incorrectly. "And what, pray tell, is wrong with the way I walk through the door!?"

"Every time you come home, you say, 'Hi, honey! I'm home!'"

"Yeah, and... ?"

"It's boring. Unoriginal. It harkens back to an era of television situation comedy that had no hand in influencing our generation and, frankly, regurgitating it is beneath you and your dramatic talents."

Kurt plants his hands on his hips and gawks. What the hell happened to his boyfriend while he was away? He was only gone four hours! "Have you been rifling through my old schoolbooks again? I told you, there was no Illuminati conspiracy going on at NYADA!"

"Why don't you try something different?" Sebastian counters, neither confirming nor denying Kurt's accusation. "Something a bit more, dare I say, exotic?"

"Exotic?" Kurt scrunches his nose with distaste when he says it. Of all the words in the English language, that's one of his least favorite. "What constitutes exotic in your twisted opinion?"

"I don't know. Think of something. You're the creative, not me."

"What? I... " A dozen arguments about how he's just gotten home, how exhausted he is, how travel between here and the theater was a pain in the ass because some people still don't seem to understand what 'over the mouth AND nose' means so navigating his way through the subway was like playing a game of human Tetris with potentially infected pieces and that he's never been all that good at Tetris anyway! die on his lips. 

It would be a waste of breath.

Still, Kurt doesn't know why he indulges him, but he turns on his heel and walks back out the door. After a few seconds of deep breathing in the hall to keep from screaming bloody murder, he storms back in and brightly declares, "Buenos dias, motherfucker! Como what's up?"

Seeing as the two of them speak fluent French, Spanglish is the most exotic thing he could come up with.

Sebastian nods in stoic approval. "Better. How goes life on the apocalyptic landscape?"

"I'm not selling my body for Cocoa Krispies if that's what you're asking," Kurt quips, wondering if this is how Sebastian acts at work and how no one has put the man through a window yet, partner or not.

"So what I'm hearing is you didn't bring home Cocoa Krispies."

"Nope. Sorry."

"Bitch."

"Yeah, well... " Kurt removes his shoes and socks, then sheds his coat, his messenger bag, his slacks, and his dress shirt, carefully piling them on a chair by the front door - their staging area for decontamination. While he undresses, he eyes Sebastian, not paying him an inch of mind, sitting on what has been dubbed the convalescence corner of the sofa, dressed in a soft white tee and flannel lounge pants, his laptop open on legs covered by a quilt his mother made for him when he was ten. Sebastian knows for a fact that Kurt is undressing and yet he's not leering at him, wolf-whistling under his breath or licking his lips like he's watching an Outback Steakhouse commercial. He's simply sitting in his spot, eyes glued to his laptop screen.

And Kurt loathes it.

Sebastian's attentions have been waning more and more lately, and even though it's savagely bruising Kurt's ego, he can't blame him.

Depending on how they choose to look at things, this situation could kind of, slightly, sort of be deemed Kurt's fault.

"Thank you again for doing this," Kurt says, extending an olive branch. He's been doing this so often over the past few months, he's started buying in bulk. "I can't tell you how much you keeping your distance and staying home has put my mind at ease."

Sebastian doesn't look at him when he replies: "No sweat, babe."

"I know it was just one small cough... and the kid was wearing two masks... and a face shield... "

"Hey, like you said, no need taking any chances. Right?"

"Right," Kurt agrees. And he believes it. He believed it then and he believes it now. Had the roles been reversed, Kurt would make the sacrifice, more than willing to lock himself away for the sake of curbing this disease and keeping Sebastian healthy.

But it isn't him. 

And he feels like dirt going to work three days a week, returning to something that resembles normal knowing what Sebastian is missing out on.

"It's his mother's fault for not mentioning that her little plague rat has covid before I got stuck on the elevator with them," Sebastian says, possibly trying to make Kurt feel better even though his gaze hasn't shifted.

"But quarantining for six days longer than necessary? That's above and beyond! I mean it. You deserve a medal." 

Sebastian tosses him a wink over his shoulder but he doesn't linger, giving half-naked Kurt only a brief once over. "I got you, fam. Besides, time's up tomorrow. Then... " He thousand-yard stares in the direction of the flat screen "... it's rat-hunting season."

"It hasn't been all bad, has it?" Kurt asks guiltily as Sebastian's eyes return to his laptop. He'll admit that maybe he did go a tad overboard when he'd found out Sebastian had been exposed, banishing him to one end of the penthouse and the guest bedroom, keeping him at broom handle length for the past nineteen days. 

But they were almost in the clear! And that's the part that pisses Kurt off most. 

The disease hasn't been eradicated, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The theater started allowing small groups to return for socially distanced practices. That's a huge win for Kurt. Being away from Broadway and rehearsals and opening nights and curtain calls... it was becoming difficult for him to breathe.

Sebastian was on the brink of going back to the office a few days a week, too. It wasn't so much not being at the office that bothered him, but the peripherals - eating lunch at his favorite deli or hitting the gym before dinner. 

Sebastian had taken three tests after that fateful elevator incident, all of which came back negative, so he was confident everything would be alright. He was in the midst of planning his first in-person meeting, but Kurt balked, pointing out that there has been so much controversy over the accuracy of those tests. Sebastian offered to take three more if necessary, but regardless of the outcome, Kurt didn't feel it safe. And even though they had access to the vaccine (because money), being exposed, even minorly, pushed Sebastian's timetable for receiving his first dose back two weeks.

Kurt's father and stepmother have both received theirs, and Kurt was so looking forward to taking a trip to Ohio for a first hug in over a year. He's going to be damned if a four-foot-tall Petri dish ruins that for him!

But because of his paranoia, Kurt and Sebastian haven't touched, haven't kissed in two weeks. They tried the whole Skype sex thing from different rooms of the penthouse, aiming to recapture old college day thrills to boot, but it didn't work out the way they'd hoped. And even though they see each other every day, talk to one another, aggravate each other, throw popcorn and other food items at each other, Kurt misses Sebastian like the dickens. He misses his hugs, his warmth, his smell.

And yes, he misses the sex.

"Since I've been back to work, you've had the peace and privacy to watch those wacky pornos that your brother sends you."

"Yup," Sebastian says, typing something into his search bar that Kurt can't quite make out. "The wackiest."

"Didn't he say something about them being illegal in the contiguous 49 states?"

"Forty-eight. Tennessee turned itself around."

"It would be Tennessee."

"Always is."

"You probably haven't given your fleshjack a rest in two weeks," Kurt prods, worried over these short responses. 

"Mmph... mmm-hmm... "

Kurt starts circling the sofa when all he gets is a chuckle in response, curious if Sebastian is even listening to him. He comes up behind him, standing on a piece of painter's tape they'd put down to mark six feet so Kurt can peek over his shoulder.

And what he sees on Sebastian's screen makes absolutely no sense.

"What are you watching?"

"Drain clearing videos."

Kurt's eyes go wide. "Drain clearing? Wh-what does that mean?"

"This guy drives all over, and when he finds a street that's flooded, he takes out a rake, drags it through the water, and tries to find the blocked drain."

"Does he work for the city?"

"Nah. He's just some guy."

"And he's made a whole channel about... clearing drains."

"Yes, sir."

"And you're watching it?"

"It came up in my recommendations so I clicked one." Sebastian shakes his head, chuckling when stagnant grey water, punctuated by speckles of rain, turns into a whirlpool, rushing through thick iron bars embedded in the concrete and disappearing from view. "It's so satisfying."

"What on Earth were you watching before this that YouTube recommended it?"

"Car cleaning videos."

Kurt's left eyebrow slowly climbs up his forehead. "A-ha."

"Yup. I never realized how relaxing it is to watch a handsome guy Bissell Kool-Aid stains out of carpet. But now... it's my jam."

Kurt huffs, offended on behalf of himself and his own vigorous cleaning regimen. "It wasn't your jam when I was steam cleaning our throw rugs! And the curtains!"

"Yeah, well, things hit different when you're forced into isolation."

Kurt storms forward a step. But then he remembers. And he stops, foot hovering an inch past the sacred boundary that keeps him from venturing too close to infection. He teeters, determination creasing his brow while anxiety wrestles his shoulders back. All the while, a war wages inside his tired brain:

"Get him! You've been vaccinated!"

"It's only one dose!"

"He's not even sick!"

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do!"

"It's not worth the risk!"

"Yes... it... IS!"

"Come on!" Kurt demands, throwing himself bodily at the sofa. He grabs Sebastian's hand, a small voice screaming inside his head as if his tiny naysayer is being burned at the stake. "Come with me... NOW!"

"Where are we going?" Sebastian asks, rushing to move his computer to the side before he gets dragged off the sofa by his surprisingly strong boyfriend.

"This is an intervention."

"But you shouldn't be touching me! Or breathing my air! I have one day left!"

"You're fine! If you haven't gotten sick by now, you probably aren't going to! This is an emergency!"

"What emergency?"

"Quarantine has turned you into someone I don't recognize! Car cleaning videos? Who are you right now?"

"They're educational. It's good to learn a new skill."

Kurt barks a laugh that could shatter crystal. "Right. Like you'd ever. You'd pay highway robbery to have your ten-speed detailed!"

"Nope, because you'd do it for free."

 Kurt rolls his eyes, unwilling to entertain his boyfriend's mocking of him to ask whether or not that's code. "If you're going to ogle a man wielding a Bissell, Goddammit, it's going to be me!"

"So... are we going to clean some carpets?"

"We're going to take a shower and then have sex. A lot of sex. You're getting fucked and sucked until you're back to normal."

Sebastian snorts, delighted by his incredibly good fortune. "If you insist. But are you absolutely sure about this?"

Kurt stops short and faces Sebastian. He looks him over, making certain he doesn't seem particularly sick, and shrugs.

"We'll wear masks. Or three. I don't need to kiss you to make you cum." Kurt continues to drag Sebastian towards the bathroom as his grin grows to epic proportions.

"Kinky."

[maggotbxby]

Fire and Ice - Carol Denning x OC/Reader A/B/O Fic

SUMMARY: Sallie Novak, a 19 year old omega, gets sent to litchfield max for attempted murder, and has to survive in a prison that consists of mostly Betas and Alphas.

CHAPTER ONE

Sallie Novak never thought she would end up in prison, but with the unfortunate circumstances that have occurred over the past 2 years of her life, it honestly may be the better option than being at home.

Being an omega, she was told to do the right thing and never the wrong thing, her mother raised her that way. At first, it was okay. Her mother was a strong omega and taught Sallie to control her heats and not get swept up in relationships. She didn’t end up as a pregnant teen, so she didn’t do too bad.

Though when Sallie was 16, her mother met Dan, an ex-military alpha who is the biggest fucking cuntstick on the planet. He actually seemed incredibly nice at first, for the first year of knowing him, actually. He had money and took care of Sallie and her mother who didn’t have much since her father died when she was 12, and her mother worked as a manager at a grocery store.

After Dan and her mother got married, however, the dynamic shifted, Dan seemed to turn into a different person. He got lazy and grew a dependence for alcohol, and they quickly discovered that he got violent when he drank. He began to get very abusive towards Sallie’s mother, and it sent her into a highly depressive state. She lost her job and hardly left her bedroom most days.

Sallie was unsure why or how Dan’s attention got shifted to her instead of her mother, but it did. Sallie would come home from school and Dan would be drunk, and he would find ridiculous excuses to be pissed off at her; she didn’t do the dishes before she left, or she forgot to feed the dog, anything. On the good days, he would scream at her and she’d shut herself in her room and cry, on the bad days, she would be in her bedroom with belt marks, scrapes, and bruises all over her body.

He never took interest in her sexually, as far as she knew. She took suppressants and wore scent blockers so he could never smell her, but he did make occasional comments about her figure and slapped her ass a couple times, so, he wasn’t innocent in that regard either.

Eventually, she had enough of the abuse, she couldn't take it anymore, so one day, when she was bringing him coffee (Which he made her do, every morning), she slipped rat poison in it. But the motherfucker caught on, he could taste it in his fucking coffee, and he wasted no time calling the police.

That’s when she knew she was fucked.

So Sallie ended up in prison. Granted, the time for her was shorter than most, but as an omega, she knew there wouldn’t be many like her. And there weren’t. Omegas didn’t commit crimes and go to jail like alphas do. They stayed pretty and did little offenses that very rarely got them in trouble. Omegas were pure little creatures, even though a lot of them had a nasty sex life, they always kept things clean on the outside and blamed others for their faults like the prissy little bitches they were. Well, Sallie never did that. She took the blame, and though she tried and tried to report Dan’s abusive behaviour, her mother, always denied it, and it was the word of an attempted murderer against that of a woman with a clean record and a veteran.

So here she was, litchfield fucking Max. Walking in with cuffs on her hands, glaring back at everyone who looked at her. The prison provided scent blockers for omegas, and hormone suppressants, but that didn’t make Sallie any less nervous, the suppressants weren’t the same ones Sallie was used to taking, and the blockers weren’t very strong.

They stopped at a gate, and next to it was a large “C” on the wall. “Welcome to C-Block” the guard said as the gate opened and they walked in.

Even with the blockers, she noticed some alphas got a whiff of her smell as she walked by, causing some to lick their lips as if they were a treat, palm at themselves with obvious sexual frustration, while others bit down on their bottom lip to seem less obvious of their intentions when gazing at her body. She shouldn’t be here. She should be somewhere else with more protection, yet here she was… She didn’t realize she'd be mixed in with alphas, even if there wasn’t that many. Sallie didn’t have a plan for what she was going to do while she was here. She didn’t have a plan on staying safe and keeping herself up in the long run. She had nothing.

She was so fucked.

Practically shoved into her little cell, Sallie found herself back towards the guard who had pushed her in. “So, inmate,” the guard spoke. Helman, was it? “Most of the time Omegas are put into Florida, but since we're short on space there, you'll have to stay here until we find an alternative. There aren’t many alphas here, but there are a couple. That means no making yourself vulnerable; cover your scent as much as you can, or you will be fucked over if one of us isn't here. We can’t be by your side every hour of the day, and the male guards won’t be the most reliable if you accidentally seduce them with your scent.”

Sallie wanted to scoff at the male’s words, staring at him. Her expression clearly showed she was nervous. “My cellmate isn’t an alpha, right?” She asked.

“Obviously not, your cellmate is a beta, one of our most docile inmates. Don't expect any more special treatment just because you're an omega though. You got yourself in this mess, and now there’s no way out. You should have been a good little whore and stayed put instead of going out and doing bad things.”

The guard’s words tore right through Sallie, making her go pale for a moment. The look in his eyes showed that he wasn’t messing around and that he was looking for what many of the inmates were looking for: A hole to fuck.

This was her life now.

“This was the end of your special treatment, Novak. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner will not be taken to you. Dinner is in ten, tomorrow you have orientation after breakfast. Don't be late for it. We have eyes on you, so you have little to worry about,” the guard was smirking. “I would get a head start on getting to dinner.The good trays always get taken by the alphas.”

Sallie breathed shakily, nodding her head slowly.

Keep your head up, Novak. They won't hurt you.

——

“Ooh, look at this new cookie, you don’t look half bad,” a voice jeered at Sallie when she went to get in line for her dinner tray. She couldn’t resist glaring over, seeing a slightly overweight girl with badly bleached hair laughing at her. She was with a group who already had their dinner trays, sitting at a table. Sallie gave the girl a dirty look, but then she noticed a movement behind her.

It was just a tiny movement, a cocking of the head. And yet for a second when Sallie saw her, she forgot how to breath. The woman was staring right at her, eyes narrowed how a predator would watch its prey. Sallie immediately knew this woman was an alpha, not even having to smell her. Sallie’s brain told her to look away but she simply couldn’t. She didn’t know if it was her omega needing this or just deep curiosity, but she kept her gaze, taking in large 80’s glasses and the end of a lollipop that stuck out of her mouth. But then she blinked, and Sallie felt her face flush and the world came rushing back. She quickly looked away and bore her gaze at the food cart, making sure not to look back at the woman.

When she got her food and sat at an empty table, 2 inmates quickly came up and sat on each side of her, their smell flooding her senses; alphas.

“So… what's your name, pretty little omega? Why did you end up in this sickening place? You must have fucked up, bad.”

“Shut the hell up,” Sallie spat.

“Feisty. I like that.” A second prisoner spoke up, grinning towards her. Her hand began to rub Sallie’s thigh, causing her to flinch. “Oh, they were right about omegas… You are sensitive, huh, pretty girl?”

“Leave me the fuck alone…” She growled, nudging her off her thigh. “I don't fuck around like that. Just because I'm an omega doesn't mean I'm not strong.”

“But I think it does… You see, if all of us were to pin you against this table right now, there would be no escape. I think the guards would even join in on the fun! Either that or we would get thrown in the SHU, but none of us give a shit about that. All we care about is that we might be getting a wet hole to fuck…”

“Hey, knock it off.” A woman’s voice rang through, and the two immediately scattered, there was an instant heaviness in the air. The fear the voice instilled in the other alphas made Sallie nervous as fuck. She looked over and realized it was the voice of the woman she saw earlier. She was no longer looking at Sallie, she was now speaking to the girl with the awful hair.

“Oi Gapman, go sit with that cookie. And nobody fuck with her, got it?” A heavy Bronx accent rang out from that girl, she sounded almost annoyed to say what she did.

A few moments later a thin woman with greasy blonde hair came up to Sallie and sat with her. She was an Omega, Sallie could tell simply by her demeanour, and the alpha bite mark on her neck. Knowing she wasn’t the only omega here made her feel a little bit more safe.“Sorry about these guys, they’re awful here to omegas, but in my experience Carol doesn’t tolerate a bunch of horny alphas like Barb does over in D-Block, so you should be fine. Oh, I’m Chapman, uh, Piper.” She said and stuck her hand out.

Sallie shook her hand with a blank expression. “Carol?” She asked

“She runs the gang here in C-Block. Everything goes through her. I haven't been here long, but I’ve seen her gang do some shit, I wouldn’t mess with her. Oh and her fucking right hand is a bitch, Badison’s her name, the one who yelled at me to come over here in the first place.”

“Badison?” Sallie chuckled. “What kind of name is that?”

“I’m not entirely sure, but she’s my cellmate, and it’s torture. Don’t get on her bad side like I did. She’s just a beta, and honestly I think her attitude is to try to overcompensate for her genetics.”

Sallie just nodded and got lost in thought for a moment. She really didn’t care about this ‘Badison’ character. She did care about Carol though… The quick scurrying off from the other alphas made more sense now, they’re all scared of her. Sallie wonders how long she’s been in here for, and what she’s done.

——

About 15 minutes later, Sallie returned to her cell to try and get some rest. Upon entering she saw a short, blue haired girl sitting on the top bunk reading a book.

“Uh, hey, you must be my cellmate. I didn’t see you when I first got assigned. I’m Sallie Novak.”

The girl looked up from her book and grinned, hopping down from her bunk. “Great! They’re finally giving me a cellmate! I’m Jacs Walker, sorry I didn’t see you in admission, I’ve been in medical, caught a shiv in the ribs a couple days ago from a dickhead alpha over in D-Block.”

“Damn, sorry, that had to suck.” Sallie replied, kind of dumbfounded how positive this girl's energy was for just being shivved.

“It’s all good, shit happens, I shouldn’t have been trying to score from them. Anyways, you can have the bottom bunk, and those hooks there.” She pointed at the wall, “I know you’re an omega, but don't worry, I’m not into girls.”

Sallie nodded, not really sure how to respond, and she sat in her bunk. “If you don’t mind, I’m exhausted, I need some rest.”

“Of course, intake day is the worst! I’d know, I’ve been sent here 3 different times. Get some sleep.”

It wasn’t long before she drifted off to sleep with thoughts of large glasses and bright blue eyes…

[devinescribe]

Promises We Made

This is the first chapter of my Niragi book over on wattpad, so I just wanted to post it over here.

Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, abuse, bullying

I think that's it, but let me know. Sorry this chapter took so long my lovely readers!(again, it was over on my wattpad)

Promise 1

"Promise 1, we promise to always protect each other."

"Stop being such a bitch, and go say hi. Sorry about that, kids huh?" Your father threatened, laughing with the parents. "Oh, I know. Our little boy is so antisocial. And at 15... so disappointing!" The lady had said. Your father had invited your neighbors over, as they had just moved in. They had a boy your age, who stood straight, not looking anyone directly in the eyes. He had black hair, and black rectangle frame glasses that were seated on his nose. "Father, would it be alright if Suguru-San and I go talk outside?" You asked your father. He looked annoyed. "Don't talk to me. You're being so rude, interrupting me," he scolded. "And don't give my son such respect. He deserves none of it," the boy's father snapped. You flinched at his tone. "Ye-yes sirs. S-suguru, would you like to come outside with me?" You asked the boy. He nodded curtly, and you two walked outside.

You let out the breath you'd been holding, leaning against the wall. "I-i apologize for my mother and father... they really have no filter," he apologized, bowing towards you. "It's fine... Are you going to my school when it starts?" You asked. He nodded. "You're not to talkative are you Suguru?" You mentioned. "Not really... I've just never been forced to socialize," he said, looking out to the street. You thought for a moment, before deciding on what to do. "Want to come up to my favorite place?" You asked. He nodded slowly, not knowing where you were taking him. You told him to follow you and you led him through the back door of your house, up to the second story. "Where are you taking me?" He asked, fidgeting with his sleeves. "My favorite place. Aka, my room," you said, going down to the end of the hallway. His eyes widened, and he quickly followed, not wanting to get lost in your house. You pulled down a rope that was connected to the roof, and down came a ladder. "Isn't that the attic?" He questioned, looking up to the dark room. "Yep. It's my room," you said, starting to climb up the stairs. He followed after, looking straight instead of up. 'Don't look she's wearing a skirt, don't look she's wearing a skirt.' Ran through his head the whole time.

You flipped the switch on the wall, the room filling with warm light. You went over to what looked like a giant window, grabbing the doorknobs on either side. They opened like an accordion, the slight breeze of a summer night wafting into the room. "I've always loved that about my room... I have this balcony," you sighed, leaning your arms on the white railing. He went out there with you, and you two spend the night talking.

When school eventually started, you noticed the bullies had taken an interest in him. And the bad kind of interest. You helped as best as you could, but that made you a target as well.

"Stop squirming you little bitch," one of the guys spat, trying to hold your arms down. "Fuck you!" You shouted, kicking him in the stomach. He doubled over, and the rest of his goons tried to get you. "Get off of me damn it!" You screamed, kicking and squirming, trying to get their grip off of you. Their hands were everywhere on you, and you couldn't get out. "You're a little slut aren't you?" The guy laughed, he walked over, wiping the blood from his lip. 'Damn, I made him cough up blood? I'm badass' you thought, before getting back to the situation at hand. He got even closer, putting a hand on your throat. Your eyes widened as he began to squeeze. "L-let me go you son of a bitch," you managed to stutter out, trying to kick out. You could feel the grip on your neck get tighter. 'That's sure to leave a mark. We need to find a way to get out of this...' You tried bitting his arm, or thrashing to get away from them. Of course, there was no camera in the corner they had you in, just your luck. You could feel your skin hit the cold wall behind you, the skirt from your school uniform riding up as you thrashed and squirmed. Black spots started to enter your vision, and you shook your head. 'I will not be brought down by this motherfucker, if I-' Your thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice shouting, "Hey, let her go!" You winced, the squeezing on your throat getting painful, and your lungs were screaming for air. You felt pain, and pain only at this point. "Oi, dumbass, don't get yourself brought into this!" You tried to shout back, it coming out as more of a gasp, seeing your next door neighbor. You were trying to gasp for air, any tiny bit of oxygen would help. You would never know what happened, as your vision started to grow dark from the lack of air.

"Please wake up, please please please," he whispered to more himself than you. You were unconscious, bruises already forming on your body, especially on your neck. He wiped away the blood on his lip, wincing a bit at the pain. He was just glad you were still breathing. He heard you whine, and turned his head to you. You slowly opened your eyes, groaning at the sudden light. You sat up, wincing in pain. He rushed to help you. "Don't move so suddenly, you'll hurt yourself!" He scolded. You shoved him off of your body. "D-dont! I-i-i... I'm such a burden... can't even take care of myself," you muttered to yourself. He heard. "You're not. Everyone needs help once in a while," he said, sitting next to you. You looked at him, noticing the blood. "N-niragi! You're bleeding!" You exclaimed, putting your hands on his shoulders. He held his breath, looking into your eyes. They held sympathy, worry, kindness. He hadn't seen eyes that held as much emotion as yours. You frowned, gently dabbing his lip with the sleeve of your school blazer. "But it'll get dirty, and we-" he started, trying to pull away. "Who gives a damn about a piece of fabric? Let me help you," you stated, grabbing his face, making him look at you. His dark eyes widened behind his glasses, and he froze as you cleaned up the blood.

You two walked to your houses after, not saying a word. You stayed close by eachother, not wanting to get separated. "Niragi... let's make a promise," you said when you got closer to your houses. You both stopped walking. "What kind of promise?" He asked. "I promise to always protect you as you protect me," you smiled, holding out your pinkie to him. He smiled back. ''We promise to always protect eachother," he said, grabbing your pinkie with his.

Promise 2

"Promise 2, we promise to always tell each other the truth."

School had started as normal. You went over to the desk you shared with Niragi, sitting in your seat. He had gone off before class to go look for something, or so he said. You sat in your seat, tapping your fingers on the desk. You saw the group of boys that spent their time torturing both of you walk in, high fiving each other and laughing. You finally saw him come in, and your eyes were drawn to the bruises on him. The teacher was first to notice.

"Why, what happened to you? You're all covered in bruises!" She exclaimed. Niragi saw the dangerous glares the boys sent him and looked down. "F-fell down the stairs, Miss..." he lied, bowing towards the teacher. "I-i apologize." He quickly made his way to the seat next to you, not looking at you or anything. The bell rang, and the teacher began the lesson.

Soon, lunch time rolled around. You two had gone to the park next to the school to eat. You sat down, and gave him the bento box you had made for him. "I told you I'd make you lunch today," you smiled. You knew his mother didn't make him lunch, or give him money for lunch. So, once you found out, you wanted to bring him lunch. "T-thank you (Y/N), you really didn't have to," he thanked, staring down at the box. It was a simple one, black with 3 green lines going vertically. "I didn't know what bento box to use, so I used that one... I hope you don't mind it," you said. He smiled, assuring you it was fine. You both opened them, thanking for the food. You grabbed the chopsticks, and began to eat. "Oh, and where did you really get those bruises?" You asked after you had a couple bites of your food. "I already told you, I fell down the stairs," he lied. He felt bad about lying to you, but he didn't want to worry you. "Bullshit. I know you're lying. Tell me," you said, annoyed. Silence filled the air for a bit. "Fine... those guys... again," he muttered. You frowned. "Niragi... You can tell me about that stuff. You dont have to lie to me. Let's make another promise. I promise to always tell you the truth, as you tell me," you stated, holding your pinkie out as you had before. He had a feeling there would be more promises in the future, but put out his pinkie, linking it with yours. "Ok... but I'm going to start counting these. Promise 2, we promise to always tell each other the truth."

Promise 3

"Promise 3, we promise to keep each other warm." (I actually made that promise with my best guy friend, but he lives in Japan, so... we suffer)

It was another weekend where your father had invited Niragi's family over. They sent you two up to your room. "And, Niragi?" His father called from behind you. You both turned to face him, confused as they never wanted to keep you around more than they had to. "If you're going to do anything, at least bruise her up a bit," he laughed. Your father and his mother joined in with the laughter. You whimpered quietly, hiding behind him. You were extremely confident and outspoken at school and with Niragi. At home, it was a different story. "Aww, look! She's already so submissive to you!" His mother cooed, making a gesture as if you were a dog. You grabbed onto the sleeve of his hoodie, closing your eyes. They started talking about how you two were so obviously in love. And then they started talking about how with how smart you both were, his mother saying you were a beautiful young girl, and your father saying something about Niragi's looks as well, how your kids would be so amazing. Your eyes widened at that. Did they plan this? Niragi didn't like what they were saying. It was gross. You two were only 15, why would they say those kinds of things? "W-we'll be going, then," Niragi excused, leading you away from them. They made more comment about the same topic, making him shudder. Once you two got to the attic entrance, away from ear shot, was when he checked on you.

"Are you ok?" He asked, letting you go up the ladder first. You gave back a soft 'yeah' as you reached your room. He knew that it had bothered you, what they had said. But, if you didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't push. He got up into your room, and pulled the ladder up. He pushed up his glasses, and turned to you. You were standing by the double window doors, looking out to the night sky. "You want to go out there?" He asked. "F-father... he said I shouldn't go out there, because he would lock me out as a punishment if he caught me asleep out there again," you explained, playing with the curtains. Niragi huffed. Your father was so horrible to you. "A punishment for what?" He asked, scared of the answer. "... Anything... The other day, h-he asked if I was still 'pure', and when I told him yes, he got mad. I don't know why, I don't know if he was drunk or what happened, but he's been so curious about if I still have my virginity or not," you responded. "Why would he get mad about that? I-is there something we don't know?" He asked, walking over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. You shrugged. "If he locks us out, I promise I'll keep you warm," Niragi stated, opening the doors. He turned back to you, leading you out to the balcony. He grabbed your pinkie with his own. "I promise to always keep you warm," he laughed. "Promise 3, we promise to always keep each other warm," you laughed with him.

"Promise 4, we promise to always share our snacks."

"Promise 13, after fights we promise to give eachother a reason why we love eachother." (In a platonic way at this point, anywho)

"Promise 21, we promise to watch the stars together."

"Promise 36, after fights we promise to not turn it into ammo for future fights."

"Promise 58, we promise to meet at our special place after school."

"Promise 76, we both promise to apologize for anything after a fight. If we can't decide who was originally the problem, then we both were."

"Promise 199, we promise to always stay together."

Those were some of the promises you had made throughout the years. You smiled, remembering th promises you'd made with the boy. You decided that since you had off from work, you'd go visit him. You picked up some flowers on your way, deciding it was about time.

"Hey there 'Ragi," you greeted with a smile, placing the flowers down. There was no response, as usual. You sighed, and placed the flowers down. "You know, it's only been a few months, but I really miss you," you said. You took the flowers, arranging them around. You had gotten two types of flowers. One being yellow carnations, and the other being daisies. You started weaving some of the flowers together, talking about whatever came to mind.

"You know, I'm the only one who comes to visit you. Which is sad. Because you should be remembered by more than one person, you are... were... so amazing ," you said sadly, your fingers moving slowly. "Oh, you remember that tattoo I told you about? I finally got it. It looks really good with the others," you stated with a small smile, finishing with the flowers. "I'm really sorry... I wish you weren't dead 'Ragi... I miss you," you whimpered, tears filling your eyes as you placed the flower crown on top of the grave stone.

Truth was, you knew there was no body buried in the ground. He had disappeared a few months ago, and no one could find him. There were no leads on the case, no evidence to say he was killed or kidnapped. He had literally just vanished into thin air. Instead of searching more for him, his parents decided to close the case and pronounce him dead. They didn't have a funeral for him, or anything at all, really. You were the one who begged them to at least have a grave, and they got tired of you, so they did. You didn't think he was dead. There was no evidence to prove it. But either way, no matter what you belived had happened, you had begun to accept the fact that you had lost your best friend. Weather it be that he died, disappeared, or any other conclusion. So you brought him new flowers every day you had off if work, made him the flower crowns, and every week, you would watch the stars next to the grave, pretending he was next to you, still smiling and ranting about work, or a game he played. Or maybe it was a code that was hard to program into the game. At the time, you had laughed and listened, calling him a nerd for being so smart. But you really missed it. Even if you didn't understand what he was talking about, you still enjoyed the time you two got to spend together. The late nights watching movies, playing games, or just talking. The early mornings getting coffee and heading off to work. You missed it all so much. It was so true what they say, you don't miss something until you lose it. Because now you realized how much he honestly helped your mind cope with so many things. "I heard- I heard it w-was going to be chilly tonight, s-so I brought you a-a blanket... remember promise 3?" You said, tears flowing down your cheeks. You leaned your head against his grave stone, the tears that fell from your face fell to flower petals that bent slightly. "I-i hope you're o-ok... Wherever you are," you whispered. Suddenly, you heard fireworks in the distance. You saw them, and stared in confusion. A few minutes after, you no longer heard the rush of cars, or the voices that talked quietly in the cemetery. You stood in confusion, looking around, wiping your tears and sniffling a bit. "Wasn't there just someone there?" You asked out loud to yourself. "I'm sorry Gigi, gotta go. I'm going to find out what's happening," you excused yourself from the gravestone. You laughed a bit, remembering how he said he hated the nickname. You ran towards the street, seeing the cars unmoving. There was no people that you could see, and all buildings were empty. "What the hell?" You muttered to yourself.

It was almost sun down, so you travelled through the streets, finding out that everyone in Tokyo had disappeared. There was no power, and your cellphone, that had been at a hundred percent, was now dead. Sure, it was creepy, but it was somehow peaceful. "If everyone's gone, that means my father too! I'll wait for tomorrow to go over to the house and see if I can find anything he kept away from me," you decided, remembering all the photos of your mother he had stashed away in a box.

Nightfall came, and you sat at a cross walk. There was no wind, and no lights, so you could see the stars. Suddenly, a screen lit up. "Game arena?" You questioned out loud, reading the screen. You decided you might as well follow where it was pointing you to.

The place was an old zoo. One that you recognized had been closed for years, as you had faint memories of your mother taking you here when you were younger. The lights were on, and you looked at it suspiciously. It shouldn't have power. Nowhere in Tokyo had had power, and this place has been closed for years. You entered through the large gateway in the front, and noticed red lines as you did. You looked around, and found a stick. You threw it back the way you had come, and it was immediately shot by lasers. "What the actual fuck," you whispered, walking into the so called game arena. Inside there was a table with phones, and a sign that simply said 'one for each person.' You picked one up, and it light up with face recognition.

You were so involved with the phone, you didn't notice people walking in. Once you did though, you immediately lowered your eyes. They were all guys. You didn't trust men. Well, except Niragi. But he was also your best friend of 8 years, and even then you had your doubts.

"Registration closed. Game: Little Red Ridding Hood. Game Difficulty: 4 of Spades.''

"Rules: One person will be little red ridding hood. The rest will be wolves. The objective for the wolves is to kill Little Red. Little Red's objective is to kill all wolves but one, and make it to the safe zone before time runs out. The one wolf remaining was chosen by little red, meaning they will survive. If time runs out, and neither one of these objectives has been completed, death for both sides. You may use any outside weapons or the weapons provided. Special Condition: Little Red gets an extra 5 minutes to go hide. Anyone who chases after them before the 5 minutes are up will die. Time limit: 1 hour. Game Start in 5 minutes.''

"I don't mean to sound stupid, but what the fuck is all of this?" You asked looking at the men around you. "It's a game," a voice said. You looked around to where it came from. "A game?" You repeated. "Yes, a game. You play for your life. Let's see who's a wolf, and who's little red, shall we?" He said, walking out from the corner he had hidden in. He had white hair, and a condescending look on his face. You checked the phone again.

'Little Red: Player 11037.'

A picture of you came up, and you looked around. Most of the guys smirked at you. You headed towards the table with weapons, grabbing a small dagger. You saw there was a bow with a quiver of arrows, and grabbed it quickly, strapping it on to you. "Well, I'm either going to Katniss Everdeen this shit, or die. Let's see... so basically, this is a game of physical endurance from what it seems. We have to run after or away from eachother. We each have an objective we must complete or it results in death. Am I right?" You said, turning to the white haired boy. He stared back, an eyebrow raised. "You sure it's your first day here?" He asked. "I catch on pretty quick. I would hate to be the girl that starts crying and shaking. Pathetic," you said. Was it bad that to survive you either had to kill or get killed? Yes. But were you about to risk your life for people you didn't know? No way in hell. "I only have to keep one wolf alive for my objective. So impress me, and maybe you'll survive," you said, stretching. "Quite cocky, aren't you?" One of the men said, stepping closely to you. His hands went around you, pressing you into him. "I can change that," he whispered into your ear. You elbowed him harshly, making him double over in pain. "I don't plan on losing to a bunch of men who think they can do shit like that and for me to sit there and take it. Goodluck to you, you condescending yet interesting man," you said with a smile towards the white haired boy. "Yeah, no. No nicknames. Chishiya, call me Chishiya," he introduced. You laughed. "Nice to meet you Chishiya. Call me whatever you want. I'll tell you my name after the game... if we survive of course," you said.

"Little Red Ridding hood headstart starts in

3

2

1"

Sorry this took so long, I'm really trying here-

But is your best friend dead? Will you survive this game? I don't know haven't decided yet-

I'm joking, it's all jokes...

....

.....

Or is it?

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

Request (from this post):

@ebbster2012 suggested: Modern 3zun where Nie Mingjue or Lan Xichen head hunts Meng Yao from his dad’s company. Seducing him away with competence, respect, and sex appeal. (Also posted to Ao3)

I’ll make the disclaimer again that corporate stuff is very much outside of my area of expertise so I’m sorry if I didn’t go into as much detail as the prompt deserves 😅 I genuinely had to google what head hunting was to make sure I was thinking of the right thing. But anyway, hope you like it, thanks for the prompt! ^_^

--

“Incredible work as always, A-Yao,” Lan Xichen praises, suffusing his voice with as much warmth as he’s capable of - and he’s capable of quite a bit. It’s difficult to make Jin Guangyao blush, he’s discovered over the years of their acquaintance, but not impossible. Never impossible.

“Lan-gege is too kind,” Jin Guangyao replies with a sweet smile and Lan Xichen has to admit defeat - his punishment for making his companion blush is to be made to blush in return - a punishment he'll happily submit to. As soon as Jin Guangyao breaks out the dimples and wide, limpid eyes he’s done for. He distracts himself long enough to become more composed by straightening out the papers Jin Guangyao had brought for him despite the fact that they’re already neatly arranged in their perfectly labelled folder.

When he feels he can talk again without embarrassing himself, he says, “There’s no such thing as too kind, and I’m certainly not being too kind now. The work you do for us is invaluable, I hope you know how much I appreciate you.”

“Yes, Lan-gege, you tell me every time we have these meetings.” Jin Guangyao’s amusement is palpable but all Lan Xichen does to show he hears the teasing is offer him his usual soft smile.

“And I shall continue to tell you every single time I’m grateful for what you do.”

“It’s my job, you don’t have to thank me.”

“Mm. May I ask a somewhat unprofessional question?”

“Of course.”

“Does Nie Mingjue thank you as well?”

That question earns him a new expression - pursed lips and narrowed eyes as Jin Guangyao no doubt thinks about how to answer him.

“May I ask why you want to know?”

Lan Xichen raises his hands in surrender with another smile that seems to thaw some of the cold calculation in that gaze.

“I know you also do business with him, I want to make sure he’s treating you properly.”

Jin Guangyao dimples a smile at him and Lan Xichen is, as always, instantly charmed nearly into forgetting what they were talking about in the first place.

“Lan-gege is so considerate, so thoughtful. My interactions with Nie Mingjue are satisfactory. Is there anything else today, Mr Lan?”

The abrupt switch to a much more professional tone for the last question leaves Lan Xichen blinking slightly in surprise but he recovers quickly with a hum and another smile. He smiles at everyone (a lot, Nie Mingjue has told him multiple times that he finds it weird) but Jin Guangyao gets his own special smiles.

“Only what I always end with. We’re looking for -“

“A new head of your financial department, yes Lan-gege,” Jin Guangyao cuts in with another demure smile. He pairs it with an absolutely devastating doe-eyed glance through his lashes that makes Lan Xichen feel a touch too warm under the collar of his shirt - a familiar sensation when dealing with Jin Guangyao and his charms. “And I will say as I always do that I’m not currently looking for a change but I’ll keep it in mind should I ever need to.”

“Alright, then I suppose that’s all for this week. Unless you have anything else?”

“I actually do have something - it’s..equally unprofessional.”

“Oh? Please, feel free.”

Lan Xichen stays seated when Jin Guangyao stands but gestures for him not to get up with him. He stays still as the man steps around his desk to lean the backs of his thighs against the edge, hands linked in front of his hips as he smiles that charming smile again. This close, without the desk as a barrier between them, he’s practically intoxicating.

“Nie da-ge includes dinner invitations with his attempts to recruit me. Lan-gege will have to try a little harder,” he says with a sweet smile and Lan Xichen laughs - that is to say he closes his eyes and smiles with a slight shake of his head.

He opens his eyes again when he hears Jin Guangyao move but he otherwise stays still as the man runs one delicate hand along his shoulder, across his chest, and up the side of his neck to cup his cheek and turn his head towards him. They lock eyes and Lan Xichen knows that if he were standing his knees would be weak as Jin Guangyao smirks down at him.

“I’ll see you next week,” Jin Guangyao says breezily with a couple of pats to his cheek and then he’s gone, leaving behind nothing more than the faintest hint of his cologne in the air and the lingering feeling of his hand on Lan Xichen’s cheek.

Lan Xichen sits there in the quiet for a few long moments, just breathing slowly and reveling in the contentment and satisfaction that always sings through him during and after a meeting with Jin Guangyao. After 10 minutes or so of that, though, he pulls his phone from its drawer in his desk to open up his text thread with Nie Mingjue.

Me:

You invite A-Yao out to dinner,

Mingjue? That’s cheating!

The response comes right away, much to Lan Xichen’s amusement.

Mingjue:

It’s not cheating, it’s perfectly standard procedure

to include an invitation for a meal with offers of

recruitment interviews. We said no asking him

out on dates, we didn’t say no business-

oriented, completely professional meals that just

happen to be at very nice restaurants.

Me:

It’s supposed to be lunch! Cheating, Mingjue,

so shameless. And you didn’t tell me :(

Unfair advantages are definitely cheating!

Mingjue:

How did you even find out, by the way?

Me:

A-Yao just told me before he left my office.

Does he ever accept?

Mingjue:

Every time.

Me:

And he still won’t let you recruit him?

Mingjue:

Nope.

Me:

Interesting.

Well I suppose the only thing for it is to

also start inviting him on outings that are

definitely not dates. It’s only fair.

Mingjue:

Hey. Do you ever get the feeling that

he’s just playing with us?

Me:

Perhaps. Is that a bad thing? If you don’t

like it you can bow out now and

I certainly won’t judge you, Mingjue.

Mingjue:

Nice try, Xichen.

Me:

Worth a shot. He has his meeting with

you tomorrow, right?

Mingjue:

He does, and I’m going to offer to take him out to

that new upscale Vietnamese place Huaisang likes.

Me:

I’ll make sure to choose somewhere else for

my dinner with him, then.

Mingjue:

Do you think he’ll ever actually leave Jin Guangshan?

We already know the man’s a conniving motherfucker.

What if he’s done something to make sure A-Yao doesn’t

ever go anywhere else?

Me:

Then we’ll just have to keep trying, and continue

making sure he knows we appreciate him.

Mingjue:

Oh alright fine. Kidnapping him is

out of the question though?

Me:

Unfortunately so.

Mingjue:

Damn. He ever give you that look through his eyelashes

that makes you want to bundle him up and

hold him for at least a few hours?

Me:

Yes.

Frequently.

Mingjue:

See?! He’s not playing fair either! Nice dinners are the

least I can do after he looks at me like that.

Me:

I have to concede that point. I also need to

return to work, unfortunately.

Mingjue:

Alright, I’ll see you tonight. Take-out

sushi for dinner?

Me:

Sounds lovely.

Lan Xichen sighs to himself and returns the phone to the drawer with a sardonic little smile on his lips. Trust Nie Mingjue to bully his way through the rules of their little game and do what he wants to do anyway. Well - if he’s going to hit on Jin Guangyao then Lan Xichen is going to stop being quite so reticent with his own attempts. Besides, if one of them wins this bet then they both win, technically, as the ultimate goal is to get Jin Guangyao somewhere he’s properly valued and treated well - it doesn’t really matter which company he ends up choosing.

In the end, though, he doesn’t choose either of them. Or - perhaps a slightly more accurate way to put it is that he chooses both of them, just not in any way they could have anticipated.

Lan Xichen claims that he technically won the bet because Jin Guangyao came to him first with the plans to start his own financial company and asked the Lan corporation to be his first major client. Nie Mingjue claims that he won because he had been the one to suggest the company in the first place over one of his and Jin Guangyao’s weekly dinners. Jin Guangyao claims he beat them both because he foiled their plans to steal him into either one of their companies, because it was his idea to use the money from successfully suing his father to fund it, and because he picked up two boyfriends out of the deal without having to worry about creating a headache for either the Nie or Lan corporations’ HR team to deal with.

“A-Yao makes a good point, Mingjue,” Lan Xichen sighs when Jin Guangyao finishes stating as much, practically radiating smug satisfaction, and Nie Mingjue’s grumpy, nonverbal acquiescence is really its own reward.

“Don’t grunt, da-ge, I haven’t worn you out that much yet tonight. Use your words,” Jin Guangyao chastises and Lan Xichen just barely lifts his head to watch him swat at Nie Mingjue’s bare hip.

“A-Yao makes a good point,” Nie Mingjue dutifully parrots around a yawn and Lan Xichen hides his laugh in the crook of Jin Guangyao’s neck.

“Mm.” Jin Guangyao sounds ridiculously satisfied with himself as he slides his arms around the two men laying in bed on either side of him. “Perfect.”

[niksixx]

Number 73

~Part 2!!! Read Part 1 first please!!!~ 

Requested: By many of you 

Pairing: Axl Rose x Female Reader 

Description: A continuation of part 1!! This fic takes place over the course of about two months. (It’s most likely unrealistic, but when is fanfiction ever real? This also has 2,634 words!!!! I got so carried away lmao ENJOY.) 

Warning: Some cursing and mentions of sex (no smut...yet)

A/N: R E B L O G :) 

*GIF is NOT mine. Found it on Google, so credit goes to the owner!* 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I knew he was an asshole, but fuck that’s cold.”

Nodding at your best friend, you bend down to take a sip of your lukewarm coffee, shrugging. It’s been two days since you last saw Axl. The douchebag was all you could think about; Not even the sex you’d had.

You couldn’t fully place the blame on him. You were naive to think you’d mean anything to him, changing anything between the two of you. Like he said, you were just number seventy-three.

“Was it good at least?”

You grin, fighting the urge to spill all the details. “Hate sex is always good, Y/B/F, but hate sex with Axl? Unbeatable.”

She chuckles. “How many girls do you think he’s fucked since you?”

You think for a moment. “Well, I was seventy-three, so I’d say he’s probably at about seventy-eight now. I’m not mad that he has a lot of sex. I’m pissed off that I let myself be used by a man that doesn’t care about me. I wish other girls could see that, too.”

Commitment wasn’t in Axl’s vocabulary. He simply couldn’t bring himself to be loyal. In the years that you’d known the Guns N’ Roses singer, he’d never been in a relationship. Girls were simply his playthings. They served no purpose to him other than pleasure.

Still, even with his mood swings and deplorable attitude, you couldn’t deny your attraction. But you’d think twice about letting the redhead anywhere near you or your body. You wouldn’t be vulnerable. Not again.

On the way home to your house, you drop off Y/B/F. Before she exits the car, she turns to you, the corners of her mouth raised in a smirk. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“About what?” You ask, fixing your sunglasses in the rearview mirror.

She gives you a look. “Duh, about Axl. He humiliated you. He fucked you and threw you aside like you were nothing. If I were you, I’d give him a taste of his own medicine.”

You drum your fingers on the steering wheel, gears turning in your head. She had a point. “What, like, I should get even?”

Y/B/F shakes her head, eyes wild, and smiles wide. “Oh no, honey. You’re not just going to get even. You’re going to beat him at his own damn game.”

~~~

“Y/N?” Steven yawns, scratching his head as you push past him into the GNR apartment. Glass bottles and cigarettes litter the floor from last night’s party, and the place reeks of alcohol, smoke, and sweat. “What are you doing here?” He follows your eyes to the floor, wincing. “Sorry, I actually just woke up. Axl and Duff started cleaning but they went out to get pizza for lunch.”

“That’s actually perfect,” You’ve been over the apartment plenty of times before, almost as if it’s your own. The boys needed to find their own respective places, though, as four out of the five were ready to settle down. Grabbing a trash bag, you help Steven clean up the rest of the mess. “Look, I need your help. I trust you the most.”

Steven snickers. “Oh, no. Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m not the most reliable.”

“Maybe not,” you say, hands firm on your hips. “But I trust you to keep your mouth shut.”

Steven groans, taking a deep breath before situating himself on the couch. He waves his hand, “Proceed.”

“You all know Axl and I can’t stand each other,” Steven laughs heartily and you shoot him a hard look. “And after a long few days of thinking, I decided that what I hate, even more than Axl, is being used.”

“Yeah, he told me about your little uh…” He makes a face. “I know you had sex, let’s put it that way. You were number seventy-three, he wrote it down.”

“I’m sure I was the topic of--wait,” You furrow your brows, unsure if you’d heard him correctly. “Did you say he wrote it down?”

Steven nods. “Of course he wrote it down. How else would he keep track of all the girls he’s fucked? All the names are in a little brown book under his bed.” Steven’s eyes go wide, realizing his mistake. “I definitely shouldn’t have said that.”

Before Steven can react, you run down the hall and into Axl’s room, rummaging under his bed before your fingers graze a leather cover. You pull it out and flip to the most recent page, and there scribbled in black ink is your name, along with seven other girls’ names from the previous weekend.

“Son of a bitch,” you whisper, thumbing through the other pages. “Shelly Neilson, Diana Fox, Cait Burke, Jade Nichols, Ruby Thompson…”

“Wait a minute,” Steven says, peering over your shoulder. His jaw clenches as he rereads the last name. “Ruby Thompson?”

“What? She an ex or something?” You ask, skimming the first few pages, eyes bulging at the dates. “This book goes back seven years ago. Jesus, Axl.”

You feel Steven’s body tense beside you. You turn, and his face is stone-like. “Ruby Thompson is my goddamn cousin.” Mouth agape, you watch as Steven runs a hand over his face. “That fucking bastard. No wonder he never let any of us see this book.”

“Uh, what’s going on?”

You turn toward the doorway where Slash and his wife stand, eyeing you suspiciously. You give Steven a sympathetic look before turning back toward the door. “I need to find a way to get back at Axl for treating me like shit.”

“Look, I’m not defending him,” Slash begins, earning a warning look from his wife. “But you knew his track record and you still let him fuck you?”

“Okay, technically, because I rode him, I fucked him,” Slash and Steven snicker. “And yes, it was stupid, I realize that now. Having sex with him wasn’t going to fix any animosity between us. But he knows me personally, and he fucking hurt me. I won’t let him get away with it. Not this time.”

“So what’s your plan?” asks Steven.

“That’s why I came here,” you sigh, clutching the book to your chest. “I need your help.”

Slash thinks for a moment. “What does Axl hate more than anything in the world?”

Steven chuckles, shoving his hands in his pockets. “A lot of things. Competition. Second place. Being used,” Steven shoots you a wink. “And Y/N.”

“Exactly. Axl prides himself on having the most sex out of his whole friend group, right?,” Slash says, and his wife grins wickedly when she catches on.

“If we can keep Axl from having sex for a few weeks, that will give you a chance to reach his body count. He hates when others are good at something he’s good at. ” She says. Slash offers an impressive look. “Y/N, what’s your count?”

Your face flushes, and the two men glance at you expectantly. “Seventeen.”

Steven grimaces. “Seriously? We’re going to need at least a month, maybe more.”

“Hey,” Steven cowers when Slash’s wife pins him with a look. “In this house, we don’t shame women for liking sex and having sex just as much as men do. And compared to some men, seventeen is nothing.”

You send her a smile as a thank you. She nods back, grinning proudly.

“Alright, look,” Steven says, lips curling back in a quick smile. “I have three cousins who would love to help you get back at Axl. He crashed the first one’s car, stole money from the second, and slept with the third’s girlfriend. Come to think of it, she might actually be in here,” Steven reads through the book until he stops on a name. “Yep. Here she is. Misty Evans,” he snaps the book closed. “That motherfucker.”

“I have a brother you can use,” Slash’s wife grins. “And he has a lot of friends.” She wiggles her eyebrows excitedly.

“Okay, okay, hold on,” Slash holds up his hands. “It’s a good plan and all, but how in the hell are we going to stop Axl from having sex?”

~~~

73.

For two months, he was stuck at number 73.

Which was, by far, the best sex of his life.

And it just so happens it was with the person he hated most in the world.

Axl couldn’t get it out of his head. The way your eyes looked him up and down, daring him to leave and begging him to stay at the same time. Your soft lips that he was desperate to kiss again and feel on his skin. The breathy moans that were music to his ears. He’d be breaking his rule if he slept with you again, but Axl’s craving for your body had him considering wiping out the rule altogether.

His attempts to get you off his mind continued to fail as more and more women began to reject his advances. One minute he’d strike up a conversation, and the girls would be all for it, but as he returned from the bathroom or from a quick smoke break or the bar with another drink, they avoided him. Shot him dirty looks. Pretended they weren’t just all over him a few minutes prior. He didn’t understand, and it was driving him crazy.

Little does he know, whenever he leaves, you take his place, quickly showing the girls Axl’s book that hides in your purse, before urging them to stay away. So far, every girl that he’s tried to woo into his bed has shunned him. Many of the girls recognize their own friends in Axl’s book, and they promise you to stay away from him. It was dirty, it was evil, but no one ever wins by playing a fair game.

While he was constantly facing rejection, you were thriving. Axl noticed that whenever you came out with the group, men flocked to you instantly, more than they had before.  You’d barely said three words to him since the night you’d slept together, and hadn’t even looked him in the eye.

He’d buy you drinks, only for you to mutter a quick thanks without returning the favor. Despite not being the best dancer, he’d offer you his hand at the clubs, only to be met with laughter from his bandmates as you accepted another man’s offer. And what blew his mind? Many of the guys looked...familiar.

From his seat at the booth, Axl could see a man shamelessly flirting with you at the bar. He grit his teeth, hand clenching around the bottle in front of him.

“Uh, dude?” Duff signals to the beer. “If you want to practice your chokehold, I’m sure there are plenty of chicks in here who would be more than willing to help you out, if you know what I mean.”

Axl’s eyes never left you. “What the hell is going on with Y/N?”

“What do you mean?” Steven asks innocently, shooting Slash a sly grin. “She’s having a drink at the bar.”

Axl turns to Steven, narrowing his eyes. “I can see that, you dumbass. I mean, why the hell hasn’t she spoken to me?”

“The hell do you care?” Izzy answers, taking a swig of his tequila. “You hate each other anyway.”

“I just don’t think I’ve ever seen her so...relaxed.” Axl remarks, bringing his beer to his lips.

“I mean, I’d be too if I was having as much sex as she was,” Slash grins, dropping a teasing wink in his wife’s direction.

Axl pauses, brows drawn together. “What the fuck do you mean?”

Hesitantly, Slash’s wife clears her throat, chiming into the conversation for the first time that night. “Alright, look, this does not leave the table, hear me?” When everyone nods, she continues. “I promised I’d keep this to myself, but Y/N’s had sex with twenty guys in the past five days.”

Axl’s eyes nearly roll out of his head when the table laughs. He seems to have missed what was funny.

“No shit!” Duff laughs, clapping his hands together.

“That’s fucking impressive,” Izzy smirks.

“So what does that bring her count to total?” Steven asks, fully aware of Axl’s bright red face. He laughs to himself. The singer was hopeless, making it way too easy for the group to fuck with him.

“Seventy bodies,” Slash’s wife cocks her head to the side. Something about her words, her gesture, is taunting. “How many did you say you had again, Axl?”

“Seventy-three,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Wait,” Izzy and Slash say together, “You haven’t fucked anyone since Y/N?”

“Dude, that was over two months ago,” Duff says in a teasing manner.

“It’s not like I haven’t fucking tried!” Axl exclaims, slamming his palm down on the table. He takes a deep breath, finding his composure, and lowers his voice. “I keep getting rejected and I don’t fucking know why.”

“Oh, the horror,” Izzy says, rolling his eyes. “All will be right in the world when Axl finds some random chick to bang.”

Slash and his wife snicker and share a look. Axl shakes his head. He senses something is wrong, but he can’t call anyone out without proof.

Something about you having almost the same amount of bodies as him didn’t sit right. No one in his life even came close. Then again, no one was so obsessed with sex like Axl was. No one was so open about their sex life.

Against his better judgment, Axl finds himself striding toward the bar, visibly irritated as the man next to you rests his palm right above your ass. Axl grabs the man’s wrist and pulls it from your body, pushing him away from you. He ignores the man’s protests, throws back the rest of whatever piss warm beer the dude had been drinking, flips him off, before turning back to you.

The shock on your face is evident. “There is something seriously wrong with you. What the hell, Axl?”

“Seventy bodies?” Axl says, voice condescending. “Some prostitutes don’t even have that many.”

Your blood boils and you swear to yourself you see red. The audacity of this man to shame you. “I see you’re still a dick. What the hell does it matter to you, huh? What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” Axl’s laugh is light, breathy, as he restrains himself from screaming. “My problem is that I haven’t fucked something in two months. I’m going fucking feral.”

“Seems like a you problem,” you retort, puckering your lips before taking a drink. Axl’s book suddenly feels heavy in your purse. You sneak a look to make sure the purse is properly zipped before glancing back to the fuming redhead. “What would you like me to do about it?”

It all comes out in a rush. “I don’t know! Suck my dick, ride me, do something!” Axl cringes when you giggle, face heating. Holy fucking desperate.

“Are you...is Axl Rose...begging?”

He throws his head back in annoyance. This wasn’t going as planned. “I--no. Fuck. Ignore that. Can’t we just go back to my place or something?”

“I thought you didn’t fuck the same girl twice?” You remind him of his words, and you can tell by his face he regrets saying them.

But he remains cool, standing up straight, all the while contradicting his previous statement. “I don’t.”

Finishing your drink, you set it to the side. Batting your lashes, you step forward, a mere centimeter apart from Axl’s face. His breath is raggedy, lips parted, and you see it coming. He leans forward to kiss you, but you’re too quick. Brushing your lips against his ear, palm flat against his chest, you utter the words as confidence floods your veins. “If you don’t want the same pussy twice, then what makes you think I want the same dick twice?”

[cultgambles]

Sometimes You Need a Little TLC from a Villain (Dabi x Reader)

Summary:

Reader is a normal civilian...well as normal as you can get dating a villain. On Friday, Reader is stalked. On Saturday, an 'accident' occurs. On Sunday, Dabi comforts you best he knows.

word count: 1925

Masterlist | Requests? open

It was Friday, the last day of the work week. I wouldn’t be able to see You in person for a couple days. It made me feel so sad, but then I saw You through the doors of the office building. The clear office doors where You worked as an accountant. I knew You hated that job, with your slavedriver of a boss pushing you around constantly. But, I suppose You did make good money, your apartment was nothing to laugh at. Even if it was at the edge of a seedy part of town. Even if You have creepy neighbors I’ll always be watching You.

 I could faintly smell your scent as You walked past me. You didn’t see me, luckily, otherwise I would have to converse as to why your coworker was ‘reading’ a paper in front of the building in which you both worked. 

You walked past that karaoke bar as you always do to get to your train--the local green one. I saw You insert the ticket, and I followed after a few people. I stayed near You, maybe I could be your gallant knight in shining armor to save you from weirdos. I saw You sitting by the window, squeezing your legs, your brow furrowing as You stared at your phone. What was on there? I craned my neck to see, even though I knew I was too far away. The train came to a stop: station 5. Your commute was at least 30 minutes, mine more. As You walked out of the station, I saw your head tilt and You swerved around, scanning the area. I ducked behind a wall, and your heeled feet continued on their way. Relief flooded me, You didn’t see me. 

That relief however, was short lived. Right out of the station’s doors, I saw You jump into someone’s arms. I heard your laugh, like bells in the wind.

I clenched my fist, fishing my phone out of my pocket to snap a photo of this mystery man. No one was good enough to be with You. Everyone except me, of course. You and that man walked hand in hand all the way to your apartment. Disgusting. Suddenly, the man lifted your arm above your head, spinning You into a hug. 

“Hey! What are you doing?!” You giggled. Your back was to me, but he. He was facing me. As I stared on, his eyes focused, landing on me. They were a bright cerulean, deadly. Just as quick as they focused, he turned around, an arm slung on your shoulder.

I blinked, rubbing my eyes. Did that actually happen? Or were my eyes playing tricks on me? 

You were gone by the time I decided to move again. Maybe that was for the best. 

Your apartment was on the 2nd floor, overlooking the street. Your window blinds were almost always open, the lights inside silhouetting your body perfectly. You of course, weren’t alone. That man. I saw his shape too, that should be me. 

I stayed outside for another hour and a half at least. I would have stayed longer, but he was pissing me off too much. Since when had this happened? I’ve been following You for a couple weeks now and I’ve never seen him before. I spared another glance at your window, and the blinds were drawn except one part was lifted.

Cerulean blue eyes.

[ Y / N ] P O V

“What are you doing, weirdo?” [Y/N]  called to their boyfriend.

“Nothing you need to worry about, Doll,” Dabi said, pulling the blind down.

“Well, I hope you’re hungry! I made cold soba.”

“Starving,” he replied, joining [Y/N]  at the small dining table. “Hey. You ever feel like you’re being watched?”

“Watched? I can’t say...today I thought someone was behind me a lot though, why?”

“Why don’t you take your pants off then? I know you hate wearing them after work.”

“Oh so you just wanna see my ass, huh?”

“Course,” Dabi gave a lazy smirk and waved a hand towards [Y/N] . 

“Fine, fine! Let me finish eating at least.” After, [Y/N]  and Dabi cuddled on the small couch and watched Into the Tall Grass. 

Dabi always smelled like campfire smoke and pine, cigarette smoke seeped into his clothes. [Y/N]  used to hate the smell, but now, it brought them comfort.

“Why did you ask if I thought someone was watching me earlier?” [Y/N]  asked, pressing their face into his neck. In return, he tightened his grip.

“Don’t worry about it, Doll. Thought I saw someone from your work.”

“Oh, Hidashi? He rides the same train as me. I think he told me he gets off at the stop after mine or something.”

“Hidashi, huh?”

“Yeah, okay, shh, movie time now.” [Y/N] ’s boyfriend gave a small chuckle and kissed their hair. 

The rest of the evening was spent cuddling on the couch, which the two were grateful of. Dabi hadn’t been around for the last couple weeks because of a mission Shigaraki sent him on, and [Y/N]  was just glad to be off work, and to be in their boy’s arms. 

≿-----༺❀༻-----≾

I tried imagining me holding You like that last night, but he kept popping up in my mind. That guy with those blazing eyes, spiky black hair, and long black coat. Was this the type of man You went for? Some drab fellow? Why couldn’t it be me? These last few months of working with You, I tried being nice and being your friend. I brought You sweet snacks I thought You would enjoy, and hovered around You, always ready to lend a hand if You needed it. Punching the air right now. 

I sighed, rubbing the back of my hands over my eyes and got up to get dressed. It was Saturday. You always went to a park around lunch time. You would spend a good hour or so there, and later return to your apartment.

I would be there, of course, watching silently. When I got to your apartment, the lights were on. I saw You across the street, seemingly dancing to a song. I felt the ghost of a smile grace my face, until I saw Him waltz towards You. He held and hand out for You, and placed another on the small of your back. I seethed, watching the two of you sway.

Who even was this guy? I kicked a trash can and the lid clattered to the ground. I couldn’t bear to see You with someone. I fished my phone out of my pocket, scrolling through the thousands of photos I took of just You. My haggard breath calmed slightly. This was no biggie, I could get rid of him easily with my Quirk. He looks scrawny enough. 

A cough jolted me out of my reverie. Startled, I looked to your window, only to see the lights off. Had You left for the park already and I hadn’t noticed?

“Hey.”

I grunted. Who the hell is bothering me now?

“Look at me, motherfucker,” the voice commanded.

Slowly, I turned around.

The man before me was covered in scars and staples. Wasn’t there a villain that had those features?

“I said look at me.”

I saw his hand reach out, a blue flame hovering above his palm. Hesitantly, I looked up, what would a villain want with me, a normal civilian?

Blue cerulean eyes.

I would recognize them anywhere.

“It’s you. What are you? Some kind of clown?” I sneered. He raised an eyebrow.

“So. You’re Hidashi, huh?” Okay. Now a little fear.

“How..How do you know my name?”

“I’m sure you know mine, after all, I am a notorious villain,” he purred, stalking closer to me. 

“Dabi..”

“That’s right,” he affirmed, stooping down. “But you know who else I am?”

“[Y/N] ’s boy toy or something? I haven’t seen you around. What, they pick you off the street because they felt sorry for your ugly ass?”

I can’t believe my precious [Y/N]  decided to go for this asshole.

Wait, was he holding You hostage?

“We met a few months ago, you know? [Y/N]  found me lying on the cold hard ground. Patched me up. Now they can’t shake me,” he said. A few months? How did I not know about this? Why didn’t You tell me?

“They won’t have to worry about you anymore though.”

“They’ll never get rid of me. Ha! They don’t even know it’s me! You may be a villain but I know you can’t fight without your little buddies here to help you!”

“You’re right, they’ll never get rid of you themselves…” He sighed, almost contemplating. “Glad I'm here to do it for them.”

[ Y / N ] P O V

Today was a really nice day, [Y/N]  thought as they headed back home. It was nice to sit under the cedar tree and watch the clouds roll by. [Y/N]  had even gotten a ways through their book. 

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing out here all by your lonesome?” a man’s voice drawled behind you.

“Just walking home,” [Y/N]  replied awkwardly, turning around slightly to get a look at the guy. Once they realized who it was, they brightened up immensely. “Hey, you! I didn’t see you this morning. Thought you had to do another errand.” That’s what they called his work. [Y/N]  knew Dabi worked with the league, but he didn’t like going too much in detail, so [Y/N]  didn’t ask.

Dabi throws an arm around them. “Yeah, I had to take care of somethin’, but now I’m all yours, Sweetness.”

[Y/N]  giggled, “Thinkin’ you’re gonna get some tonight?”

“You know I will.”

“Mmm, maybe,” [Y/N]  teased.

As soon as the two got inside of [Y/N] ’s apartment, Dabi flopped on the couch, while you went in the kitchen to find some snacks. [Y/N]  heard the TV flicker on, and a news reporter appeared on screen.

“Reporting live! This is Max Lobo. I never do things like this, but I’ve been following the Paranormal Liberation Front for some time now. A BODY has been discovered. It’s singed and nearly unrecognizable. A man in his late 20’s, brown hair. 

“While this could be the work of a lesser criminal, these blue flames that linger are sure signs of the villain Dabi. We will continue investigating this as if our life depends on it. Was he just trying to blow off some steam? Or was he a rat that needed to be eliminated?

“Back to you at the studio.”

“Dabi?”

A grunt.

“Was that your little errand today?”

“So what if it was? He deserved to die. I saw the way he looked at you.”

“D’awww, you care about me or something?” [Y/N]  crooned, setting a plate of cookies on the coffee table. 

“Nah, I think that reporter was right. Just tryin’ to blow off some steam,” Dabi smirked.

“Glad I could lead you to just the guy then.”

“Yeah yeah, get your ass over here,” he said, rolling his eyes. Dabi pulled [Y/N]  onto his lap.

[Y/N]  liked when he would stare up at them with those content eyes and lazy smirk. They liked being taller than him, if only for a bit. Leaning down, [Y/N]  captures his lips in a kiss. They always start off slow and sweet, but Dabi’s patience wears thin and it turns steamy in a matter of seconds. He runs his hands over [Y/N] ’s sides, grasping at the thin shirt. 

“Stop hiding from me,” Dabi murmured, breaking the kiss and pulling it over their head. 

[Y/N] ran their fingers across his scars and staples in a light feathery fashion. 

PS!! requests are open, so drop me somethin if you’d like!

[lesbian-deadpool]

Roses In A Storm

Part One of Three: We’re Not Done Yet

Prelude | Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Words: 2,777

Warnings: Sadness, grief, blood, violence, excess drinking, anger, murder, talks of weed use, I think that may be it.

Request: By so many but mainly @missmonsters2​. Happy??

Summary: Unhinged and grieving. You get a very special guest.

A/N: This is the ending to “Soulmates”.

Ko-Fi

(Not my GIF)

***

To say you became unhinged after Tony's funeral, was an understatement.

Your entire being crumbled. And you became a shell of the person you used to be.

You cared about nothing and no one. Not even yourself.

You had told Fury he could, respectfully, shove your job up where the sun doesn't shine. And stormed out of his office, with him calling after you.

And that wizard dude.

What was his name?

Stanly?

Sherlock?

Samantha?

Fucking, Benadryl Copypaper?

You didn't know, you couldn't remember?

But that wasn't the point. What was the point, however, was how much Socriteis-Harry Potter bothered you- Stephen Strange!- That was wand-boys name!

Anyway!

He had been bugging the shit outa you ever since you left the lake house.

You could kill him.

Texts, emails, letters, calls, fucking popping out of nowhere. With all this "we're not done yet" bullshit. Yada, yada, yada. To be completely honest, you didn't listen to a single word he ever said, so you wouldn't know.

Luckily, he didn't randomly pop out from one of his orange portals, as much as the other things. So, you didn't have to actively try to dodge, escape, and punch him the fuck out evade him all that much.

But you could still fucking kill him.

Currently, you were stood, overlooking The Hudson River, staring at The Statue Of Liberty. The cold had just started to settle in, Autumn slowly turning into winter, frost visibly coating the ground.

Natasha loved this time of year.

It wasn't too hot that she would feel like she was melting, and it wasn't too cold for her to have to bundle up too much to step out. It was just perfect. She always liked it on the chilly side.

You remember once a few years ago before you had even met Penny and started this whole heart-breaking spiral. Natasha had dragged you out of the tower, her hand in yours as she literally dragged you. And towards the coffee shop she had recently found in the Soho area, what she was doing there in the first place, you didn't ask, out of fear of being threatened. Because you knew Natasha would never, actually, hurt you.

It was a fantastic day out.

One of the best times of your life.

The day had started off early, at around ten AM at that coffee shop, which you had to admit, was amazing. Followed by a store Natasha wanted to check out for Clints Christmas present. Then you had lunch, followed by more shopping.

You were pretty sure this was all one big day for Natasha to find out what gift to get you. But, none the less, you spent the entire day together. Even ending the day by staying over at Natasha's apartment, after walking her home. Because you were a gentleman like that. And also, there were way too many bags for her to carry.

Who knew that the Black Widow could shop like it was a sport?

At the end of the day, you came to the conclusion that she would win gold in the Olympics for it if she could. She could win gold in the Olympics on most of the sports if we're being truly honest.

It was a date.

Not your first one, by far.

But it was a date.

You realised that now.

Way too late.

That wasn't just Natasha's way of finding out what to get you for Christmas. She wanted to take you out on a date.

And you were way too fucking clueless to realise that.

You just wish you could make up for that now.

You wished you could hold her in your arms again.

The way you were always supposed too.

Not as friends. But as lovers.

But now, you had to live without her. So you did what you always did to get through the day.

You drank.

You found the closes bar that was open at the early hours of the morning, sat down on one of the dingy stools, and drank.

Little did you know, that sitting at that bar, would change your life forever.

***

The sound of glass smashing behind you caused your eyes to snap wide open, startled at the sudden noise. But you didn't care enough to turn around and check the commotion out, from your place leaning on the bar, with your glass of whisky pressed to your temple.

"This is bullshit!" Came a gruff voice.

"Hey," that same voice said. It's owner shoving against your shoulder harshly, "Avenger."

"That's not my job anymore," you replied coldly, to the scruffy man, with a long dirty blonde beard.

You had seen him around this bar, that you had quickly made your regular, but had never caught his name.

"No, but you were one," he spat out drunkenly.

"Well done," your tone was sarcastically chipper, "Would you like a sticker for being such a big, smart boy?" The sickly sweet smile that was on your face fell, as you turned back to take a hearty swig of your drink.

"You motherfucker."

Just as he was about to shove you off of your stool, the bartender spoke up.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Do you really want to go up against an ex-Avenger?"

"Shut up, Weasel!"

"Yeah," you told the bartender, smirking as you did, "He's a big boy, remember. He can make his own mistakes."

"'Mistake'?!" the bearded man barked out, "Ha! No. This is going to be the best thing I've ever done."

"I think you've drank too much there, dirtier Hagrid."

He slammed his fist down onto the bar, furious at your calm state.

"You see that up there?" He pointed up to the long chalkboard above the bar. "That's the Dead Pool, and you're the highest one to win-"

Without even sparing the board a glance you quipped, "Yes. I am able to read."

You didn't even flinch when the man flicked out a switchblade right by your cheek, just continued to drink your burning liquor.

"I want that money. And I'm gonna get it. But first, I'm gonna cut out your tongue so you can't say any more smart-ass remarks."

"Wow. 'remarks'. That the smartest word you have in your vocabulary?"

A laugh sounded from behind you. One, predictably, from your new-found friend, Wade. Just as the man to your lefts anger bubbled up, flowing from the brim.

"Oh, you motherfuck-"

He brought his blade back, intending to stab you in the back, as he spoke. That is before your almost empty glass smashed into the side of his face, glass flying everywhere, especially into his face and your palm. The man yelled out in pain. And before he could retaliate by trying to stab you again, you quickly disarmed him, fracturing his arm as you did so. Then plunging the switchblade into his right thigh, making him scream out in pain. Ad finally, you delivered a crushing blow to his chest, by kicking him down to the floor, along with a couple of barstools, breaking a few of his ribs in the process.

Most of the people in the -once nunnery- bar, sounded out their happiness at witnessing a fight, no matter how outmatched the people were to each other. While the man groaned on the floor, trying his hardest to stand up, while a few of his buddies helped him up.

"Told you so," Weasel said offhandedly, his face sporting a cringe.

"You sonofabitch!" he spat out -like, literally spat... gross-, as he tried his hardest to keep his tears at bay.

"You- You stabbed me," he stuttered, pointing at you.

"That's right, Einstein. I did."

"You'll pay for that. You'll fucking pay!" He hoppled closer to you so that you were now face to face. Leaving his buddies behind.

"I can't wait." You smiled.

"There's no fucking wonder the bitch you drank overthrew herself off of a fucking cliff." Your smile dropped. "Anything to get away from you. To never have to see your face again."

Bad idea.

Your sight turned into an intense hue of red, so much so that the man's beard turned ginger.

Rage boiled up within you. The only other time you had felt this angry was when you found out that Natasha was gone, and she was never coming back, and that it was all that purple Titan's fault.

You hit him.

Of course, you fucking hit him.

With all your might.

No one said that kind of shit about Natasha. And especially not to your face.

But you weren't fighting a titan this time.

You were fighting a drunken burly man.

A drunk burly man who could take a fucking punch.

But you chalked that up to his adrenaline and how intoxicated he was.

He was sure to feel it all in the morning.

He stumbled from your punch. The knife, still in his leg, tearing against his flesh, causing more blood to spill from the wound.

And for Weasel's skin to tingle green, when he saw it.

The bearded man's friends rushed up to him, as yours did the same to you, holding you back from the man. As you roared at him.

"You're one stupid motherfucker, you know that?! It's like you've got a fucking death wish!"

He spat blood at you while laughing, "You really think she loved you! Wouldn't she still be here if she did?!"

You exhaled hotly. Fury pouring from your every pore.

The familiar cold metal filled your hand as you pulled the trigger of your concealed gun, shooting the man between the eyes.

Okay... so, maybe he wouldn't feel everything in in the morning...

His friends were just as idiotic as he was. Them all moving to pull out their own guns, but you made quick work of them.

Two more head shots. And one shot to the neck.

Even drunk, your marksmanship was impeccable.

"Well..." Wade said slowly, as the whole bar grew silent. Patting you on your back, he continued, "You just won yourself ten grand."

"Awesome," you muttered, "I'm buying everyone their drinks for the rest of the day!"

That got the bar cheering again.

"What the fuck, Y/L/N?!"

You turned around at the new voice. Coming face to face with Nick Fury, who looked beyond angry.

"Nick!" you cheered, "Take a seat, have a drink.- I'm paying!"

"Yes. I heard."

The man watched you for a few moments, noting how intoxicating you were. But was still able to see the coldness behind your eyes, that wasn't there before.

But a lot of things had changed since then.

Fury sighed.

"We need to talk."

***

"Hey, Weasel! Can I get another drink over here, please?!" you called over to your friend and bartender, who nodded at you.

You sat at a small table in the back of the bar, with Fury to your right, and Wade to your left.

The bodies of the four men you had shot down, already cleared away, and the drinks you had promised the patrons, poured.

"You still shot down four men in cold blood, Y/L/N," Fury continued on with his rant, that had been going on since you first sat down with him, not even fifteen minutes ago. You rolled your eyes, just as Weasel cam over, placing a full bottle of whisky down in front of you.

"If it makes you feel any better," the bartender began, facing Fury, "Those guys were plotting to kidnap some kids for ransom."

Fury just starred at the fidgeting man, with a blank eye. No emotion showed on his hard face, which only made Weasel more anxious.

"Right. I'll just go then."

"It makes him feel better, Weasel!" you called to the retreating man.

Even after months of not seeing the man, you could still read his, almost always, blank face, like an open book. It was a skill you wore proudly like a badge of honour. You doubted if your skill would ever fade.

Fury 'humphed' at you. Knowing full well that you were right, as he watched you take a swig of whisky straight from the bottle.

"You've changed, Y/N."

"No shit," you said harshly, "Wouldn't you?"

Fury sighed, for the umpteenth time since you've been talking to him.

"Listen Y/L/N-"

"Sorry to interrupt," Weasel said, "Making you smile into your bottle of alcohol, "But not really- What happened yo your eye?"

"He won't tell you, trust me. I've been asking him about it for years."

Wade hummed, squinting his eyes at the scars coming from behind Fury's eye patch, from his half rolled up mask, while taking a sip from his pina colada.

"My eye is not the focus, right now," Fury barked.

"Oh, but can it be?"

"Yeah, I beg to differ," Wade carried on, waving his finger at the fore talked about eye, "It looks like you got scratched by an itty-bitty kitty-cat."

"Bold words from the man whose lips look like a gaping asshole," Fury fired back, causing you to laugh so hard that tears started seeping from your eyes.

You wiped at your eyes as you regained as much of your composure as possible at that moment. Muttering to yourself, "I'm so drunk."

"Okay, listen. I came here for a reason- Don't." Fury pointed at both you and Wade, glaring at you in warning as to not interrupt him, with your remarks, or just in a general. "Strange has been trying to contact you, Isn't that right, Y/L/N?"

"Yeah. He wants me to work for him, go back to work for you, or something. I don't know, I didn't listen to him. He can go fuck himself."

"Strange?" Wade asked

"Yeah." You nod. "The portal guy I told you about."

"Oh. Shitty Harry Potter?!"

"That's the bitch!"

"Okay, that's enough!" Fury yelled, slamming his hands down onto the table, causing the drinks upon it to shake.

"Okay, damn. What's up you dating him, or something?" you asked.

"No, I'm not dating him," Fury growled.

"It's okay if you're gay." You nodded at Wade's words. "We don't care. We're both gay as fuck."

"I'm not!" Fury stopped himself from fishing his sentence, taking a breath and then exhaling it before he started speaking again. "I'm not dating Strange. But you do need to talk to him."

"Yeah, not gonna happen."

"Just hear him out."

"There's no reason for me too! What? He's gonna ask me to help him out with some hero bullshit. Well, I don't do that anymore."

"Yeah, I've noticed with all of the vigilante work you've been doing with your new friend here." Fury nodded towards Wade, who placed a hand over his heart.

"Oh, you've heard of my work. You flatter me."

"I'm not a vigilante I'm a hitman," you spoke at the same time.

"You're a what?"

"A hitman. If I'm gonna do this shit, might as well get paid for it." You shrugged.

"Or you could not just do it."

You shrugged once again. "It's what I'm good at. And it's the only thing that seems to distract me from this unbearable pain- Well. That and drinking. Also, weed. So much weed."

Fury put his head in his hands, shaking it against his palms, because of your words.

"Good job, Y/N. You broke him!"

"Stop it, both of you," Fury muttered.

"I know, it's so easy. It's a skill really."

"Stop," Fury ordered.

"What's up, Nick?" you asked, "Someone bugging you? Need me to kill ew? I'll give you a friend's and family discount."

"Just listen to strange!"

"Okay."

"Wait. Really?" Fury asked.

"For the right amount."

You smirked as Fury groaned.

"I'm not paying you to listen to Strange."

"Then I guess I ain't listening to him then."

"He wants to talk about Natasha!" he yelled.

Slowly pulling the whisky bottle from your lips, you placed it back on the table.

"What about Natasha?" you asked blankly.

Fury sighed again, thankful that you were finally listening to him. "Listen to what he has to say."

"What does he have to say?"

"It's better coming from him. I don't know everything and I know you'll have a lot of questions. Most of them stupid."

Gritting your teeth, you exhaled deeply. "Fine... I'll talk to him."

"Thank, God."

"You gonna set up a meeting for us?"

"No need." Fury smiled."What do you-?" Suddenly you screamed, plummeting down the portal that just materialised on the seat of your chair.

"Now we're playing with portals!" Wade joked.

Fury shook his head, picking up his drink. "I hate you."

"So... what is the story with your eye?"

"Go fuck yourself, Wilson."

"Well, if you insist."

***

Permanent Tag List: 

@imnotasuperhero, @veteranwerewolf95, @natasha-danvers, @marvelfansince08love​