#I’m going to buy some now because how can I not after a roast like that

[breathofthewildyaverage]

Last night my sister and I were talking about face moisturizers and I said I don’t use any, and of course this set her off. She was absolutely appalled, and couldn’t help being dramatic and making fun of me for it.

The conversation moves on and I forgot what brought it up but I said “well I’m older than you,” and this bitch side eyes me and says “not if you don’t use moisturizer, you’re not.”

All this to say, if this conversation doesn’t sound exactly like what would happen if @crazylittlejester’s Time told Warriors that he doesn’t use moisturizer, then I don’t know what does.

[the-hinky-panda]

Yellowstone: Boss Mare Series - Part V

Jaime Dutton has never considered himself a foodie, someone interested in fusing flavors and doing wine pairings for the regular family dinner. A family dinner that no one can ever seem to get through without an argument, problem-solving a ranch issue, or just childish drama. Half-eaten plates of perfectly seared filet mignon, roasted red potatoes with butter and parsley, the brightest green beans he’s ever seen, left in the wake of another nonsensical theater production. 

The only thing that ever gets completely consumed is the wine. The only one who ever talks is Beth. The only cleared plate of food is his father’s, although Kayce is making good progress at the moment. The only thing that Jamie can think of is how much he would love to enjoy eating. To just sit and have enough brain space to taste what he’s putting into his mouth. 

“Isn’t that right, Jaime?” Beth says, a mischievous glint in her eye. 

He hasn’t heard a word she’s said but he can read the room. Well, he can read Kayce’s cautious energy to know whatever it is she’s said was meant to bait him. And their father’s intense interest in whatever is out the window, despite the darkness of night blocking any view. Jaime’s not going to rise to the occasion tonight. He’s just too fucking tired. Instead, he drops the linen napkin on the table and picks up his plate. 

“Fuck this shit.” He stands up. “I don’t have the energy to deal with whatever bullshit you’ve dreamed up now, Beth.” 

“Oh come on, Jaime,” she calls after him, “I haven’t even gotten to the good questions yet!” 

He storms into the kitchen, pausing before throwing his still full plate of food into the sink. The only thing that stops him is knowing that you made it. You spent the last few hours in the kitchen preparing the meal. He sees all the pots and pans cleaned and sitting on the drying rack while dinner is being consumed. When the dining room empties, you’ll collect the plates and wash them before heading up to your room over the kitchen for the night. But while you wait, he sees you sitting on the steps of the back porch, passing the time. 

A sudden rush of guilt comes over him. Every night they walk into the dining room, no food prep, no cooking time, hell, they don’t even set the table. They just walk in, sit down, and are served. And then the fighting begins. Maybe that’s why they can’t function as a family around the table. There’s no work, no buy-in to enjoy the product of their work. They’re eating in a restaurant every night. Except no one in that room would behave that way in an actual restaurant. 

Maybe Beth. Beth wouldn’t behave any differently. 

Jamie grabs a second plate and an extra fork before going out onto the back porch. You immediately stand up when the door opens, a guilty look crosses your face. He wonders what in the world you could have been doing to cause such a reaction and then he sees the wine glass in your hand. He points to the glass. 

“You’re allowed to have that, you know.” That reminds him that he forgot his own wine glass inside. He sets the plates and silverware down. “I’ll be right back.” 

He goes back inside and grabs a new bottle of red wine, uncorks it, grabs a new glass, and goes back outside. You’re still standing there, cradling the wine glass in your hand, and looking terribly out of sorts. He tips some of the wine into your glass before filling his own and sitting down on the steps. 

“Did you eat?” he asks, setting the empty second plate next to him. 

“I did.” At that particular moment, your stomach decided to betray you and growl. “I’m sorry, I’ll let you eat in peace.” 

“I came out here because you were out here.” He cuts the filet mignon in half. It’s perfectly pink, bordering on red on the inside. He slides a few potatoes and green beans onto the second plate, adding half the steak, and holding it up to you. “If you’re hungry, I’d like the company.” 

“Thank you.” You give him a small smile and take the plate, sitting down next to him on the steps. “I did eat some of the salad.” 

“Just salad?” 

You nod your head. 

Did no one in the family tell you how things work on the ranch? “Gator always makes himself a plate and eats in the kitchen while we’re eating. Or, if he likes what the bunkhouse is eating, he eats that instead. We don’t keep track and we won’t do that with you either.” He points at your plate. “Eat as much and whatever you want.” 

“Thank you.” You pick up the fork and knife and cut a piece of the steak. “I’ve never had filet mignon before.” 

“You haven’t? Well, you cooked it perfectly.” 

“I’ve made it plenty of times. I was just never allowed to eat it. Only the men were allowed to eat the best food.” You seem to realize you’ve imparted some revealing information and shove a potato in your mouth, chewing it slowly. 

He doesn’t ask any questions and lets you keep your silence and secrets, focusing on just enjoying the food. The sun has just set, shadows creeping across the pastures, sneaking up to the barn and bunkhouse. The rhythmic hiss of the field sprinklers add a relaxing white noise effect and Jamie realizes this is the first time in years that he actually enjoyed his dinner at the ranch. 

“I did make an apple cobbler for dessert,” you say as you stack the empty plates between the two of you. “But we’ll have to go back inside and get it.” 

Jamie doesn’t want to risk the quietude he’s achieved by sitting out here with you so he just picks up the wine bottle and refills both your glasses. “Wine for dessert works for me.” 

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

You shake your head. “I don’t know. Just being you, I suppose.” 

He sits and sips at his wine, wondering how you can see the person he is when he doesn’t even know who he is.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

thank you for all the lovely fics you've been sharing with us, and congrats on 1k followers! For a request...how about the first time Ed has a cold after he and Stede get together? With some sweet sweet Stede caretaking of course <3

Yes!! Sweet caretaking incoming!

Send me a prompt and I'll write a 1k word fic!

--

“It’s just a cold, man, seriously!”

“Mhm.” Stede crossed his arms, looking down at Ed where he was still refusing to let him get out of bed, deeply unimpressed. “How about a deal? If you can make it more than ten seconds without coughing your head off, I’ll let you get up.”

“You’re on,” Ed said, immediately, which turned out to be a bit of a terrible start, because talking irritated his scratchy throat and sent him immediately into a bout of painful coughs.

Ed tried to hide them by pretending he was just clearing his throat. Judging by the look on Stede’s face, he wasn’t buying it.

“It’s just a cold,” Ed repeated, staring down at his lap. He’d woken up with a pounding headache, swollen sinuses, so much nasal congestion his head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton balls, and a sore, achy body. He was aware he probably couldn’t have looked more pitiful if he’d been trying.

“Ed.” Stede sat next to him on the bed, holding out his hand in an open invitation. Ed took it, lacing their fingers together. “Why are you so resistant to admitting you should just stay in bed today?”

Part of it, genuinely, was that Ed had been up and about with much worse than a little head cold. He’d once had to time leading his crew while they sailed through a squall around stitching himself up so he wouldn’t bleed out before they made it to calmer waters. This little cold was something he never would’ve thought about staying in bed for, and that was the honest truth.

So:

“I don’t need to,” Ed said, honestly, with a shrug. “I can tough it out. Plus, we’ve had that reservation at the new restaurant down at the market for weeks, and you’ve been looking forward to it, and I don’t want you to miss it, and-”

“Ah,” Stede said, in that specific, annoyingly smug voice way that didn’t exactly say there it is, but might as well have. “We can always reschedule.”

“But-”

“I don’t want to go if you’re not feeling well,” Stede shrugged. “You’ll just have a miserable time, and I’ll be worried about you, because I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Ed said automatically.

“Well, you wouldn’t deny the love of your life the opportunity to take care of you, now, would you?” Stede tapped the tip of Ed’s red, snuffly nose with an index finger. “You stay right here. I’m making soup.”

Ed could have fought it; he knew Stede wouldn’t force him to stay in bed if he really didn’t want to. But a day of laying in bed with Stede fussing over him was starting to sound kind of…nice.

Stede made him a big bowl of tomato and roasted red pepper soup, darting from the kitchen to the bedroom every few minutes to bring Ed handkerchiefs, and tea with honey to soothe his throat, and cream to spread on his chest to ease his congestion, and books to keep him entertained. Ed was a little feverish, and Stede insisted on checking his temperature exclusively by pressing his lips to Ed’s forehead.

The soup was, technically, edible. Stede had somehow managed to overcook it, and also undercook the peppers, which were still a bit crunchy. Red peppers also probably hadn’t been a smart idea for a guy with a cold; Stede knew Ed loved peppers, but they didn’t help his streaming nose.

It was the best soup Ed had ever eaten. He scraped his bowl clean.

Then Stede started looking like he was about to climb back into bed with him, and Ed stopped him with a hand on his chest, not letting him get within smooching range.

“You don’t want to kiss me right now, I’m gross,” he said.

“You are not gross, you’re sick!” Stede looked genuinely offended on his behalf. “You poor thing, you deserve extra kisses right now, if anything.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Ed acquiesced easily. His cheeks were sore from how swollen his sinuses were, but Stede’s kisses were incredibly gentle. “Maybe no cuddles, though. I don’t want you getting sick, too.”

“Love, we slept with you quite literally on top of me,” Stede said reasonably. “If I’m going to catch it, I think I already have.”

“Oh,” Ed realized. “Oh, no. You’re going to be the worst patient.”

“I resent that accusation,” Stede said. “I’ll have you know that I am a model patient.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that in a few days.”

“Hey, Ed?” Stede shut him up with a gentle kiss, smiling against his lips. “Just let me hold you.”

Ed mimed zipping his lips shut, moving over in bed just far enough for Stede to climb in before snuggling up into his side.

He hadn’t realized how cold he was, how much his sore, sick body was just longing for comfort, until he had Stede next to him. He sighed in relief, cuddling up as close as he could, clinging to Stede’s middle. Stede was warm, and soft, and knew how to hold him just right to make him feel better.

“There we go.” Stede pressed a kiss to Ed’s forehead. “See, this is nice, isn’t it? We’ll run a bath in a bit, I think - the steam might help clear up your sinuses.”

“Sure,” Ed agreed. He swallowed, some of the doubts he’d been trying to ignore pushing back in. “Are you sure this isn’t a bother? And you’re not mad about your reservation? And I’m not just annoying you?”

“There is nowhere else I’d rather be,” Stede promised. “You’re the love of my life, even when you feel a bit like shit, and you’re sneezing all over my nice handkerchiefs and sweating through the pillows.”

“Mm.” Ed felt himself starting to drift off. “Just wait ‘til I sneeze on you.”

“Just part of the job,” Stede accepted bravely, and Ed fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

[sokkigarden]

hi!! i am a sucker for the fake dating trope and i was hoping you could do a Jamie x reader fake dating thing? i would literally die <3

me and @whimsical-roasting were LITERALLY JUST talking about this tee hee so shoutout to her! i’m also obsessed w fake dating i hope you like this anon! <3 this is sorta the beginnings so maybe i’ll write part 2 if y’all like it ? lol

jamie tartt x reader | fake dating au drabble

it would start out at a bar or something definitely. you don’t know much about football but suddenly this really hot guy is draping his arm around your shoulder to get this creep to leave you alone. “hey babe, sorry it took so long,” he’d say and tuck some hair behind your ear, making eye contact with you so you know he’s playing it up to get this dude to leave.

the guy finally gets the hint and leaves you alone with the mystery guy. he’s looking at you expectantly but you don’t really know what to say.

“you have mates around here somewhere?” he asks, and you’d point to your friend who was presently making out with some guy in a corner booth. this bar was kinda exclusive and she’s dragged you along because she wanted to see some celebs and you hoped whoever she was kissing was at least mildly famous for her sake.

“no way, the blonde? she’s snogging my teammate,” he replies

“teammate?”

“yeah, i’m a footballer.”

“ohhhh, like professionally?”

you clearly don’t know anything about football if you don’t know him, but the question makes him laugh as he nods. your cluelessness is honestly endearing.

you thank him for helping with the creep and he offers to buy you a drink which quickly leads to spending the rest of the evening hanging out with him. you ask him stupid questions about football and then start trading stories about life.

it was a pretty platonic night aside from some light flirting but you couldn’t help but flirt with a fit footballer you’ll probably never see again.

until a picture of you next to him at the bar ends up on twitter. and your face is now trending.

you expect that it’ll pass by after a few days but then you see your face on the telly. followed up with a statement by jamie saying he’s happy with his new gf and would prefer people to stay out of his love life.

which is why you end up at the afc richmond training facility front desk asking to see your “boyfriend”

“why did you tell people i’m your girlfriend? are you insane?”

“uhhhhh”

truth be told the richmond boys had been ribbing him about the picture and he hadn’t wanted to deny it. and then some nosy reporter asked him about you in a pub and he thought a simple comment asking for privacy would be enough to calm things instead of fueling the fire.

jamie didn’t know what he was thinking. but the press hadn’t been super nice to him recently so he thought dating a nice low profile girl would help his image.

“and were you… i don’t know… ever going to mention this to me???”

“uhhhhh”

“oi, Jamie, is this your girl? she coming to the match tomorrow?”

one of jamie’s teammates clapped him on the shoulder and smiled at you before going into the locker room. his words intrigued you though. already a plan was forming in your head.

“would you… be able to get me tickets to matches? in exchange for being your fake gf?”

realization dawned on jamie’s face at your proposal and he nodded.

“i can get you VIP tickets, you and a mate? i’ll throw in a tartt jersey too. if you wear it, people might stop giving me so much slack. see i’ve changed.”

you held out your hand for him to shake and he did, squeezing it instead of letting go immediately. you looked into his eyes.

this plan could clearly mean trouble if you thought too much about how pretty he was. and how nice he seemed. and the feel of his hand in yours.

you were in so much trouble.

[sebastianmichaelisslander]

my good friend i'm curious. because i am Very Normal about characters and i know you are also Very Normal about characters i would like to know. is there any kuro character you love enough/have enough thoughts about to write an essay on them? and why? because i know we have many characters we both love and some we disagree on i'd love to hear a bit of in-depth stuff about your faves!!

I am so, so, very glad I received this ask 😭🙏🏼💐 you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for something like this!!!

Alright, I’m going to talk about one of my comfort characters: Mey-Rin.

And as this blog is for (semi-jokingly) slandering Sebastian, let me begin by saying that Seabass absolutely does not deserve this girl:

I mean, just look at her. 😭🙏🏼

Where do I begin?

First off, I feel like she’d be sharper and more perceptive than she gets credit for. I don’t buy that she doesn’t suspect a thing about Sebastian. She’d know something is very, very off about him from the start, even if he does show her kindness she’s seldom experienced before. I also think that’s the reason she wouldn’t have acted upon the crush she had on him - not just because she isn’t sure of his own feeling towards her, but also because something tells her it wouldn’t end well.

These observational skills are also partly why she’s more emotionally intelligent than she thinks. She truly is the mum friend - very helpful, very protective, and always someone you can come to with your problems. If you’ve noticed, she’s fretting over Finny, Bard, Ciel and Seb at several points in the manga. I also see her as the sort who worries more than she should, especially about those she cares for. This would also make her quite the overthinker - the sort to worry about stuff after it happens as she’s often in situations where she needs to act in the moment.

Although she’s primarily a long-range fighter, I do think she’d know her stuff when it comes to hand-to-hand combat - enough to help her in sticky situations. She’s lived on the streets for a lot of her formative years, so she would know how to remain aware of her surroundings and have a mean right hook. I also write her as more assertive than in canon. Partly because I wish we got to see her shine more, and partly because I think it would be a given if you look at her backstory and what all she’s had to survive.

I also enjoy portraying her as the sort who lowkey has a sassy side, but only once she gets comfortable enough with the person for them to know it’s all in jest coming from her. She’d make a wisecrack and then apologise for roasting them. 😂😭

Now, going back to her and Sebastian because I still have more to say: I’m also not a Sebamey shipper as I don’t like how quite a few fics shipping her with Sebastian portray her as his doormat or some damsel in distress 😭 but even if that’s not the case, just the fact that it’s a canon possibility he’d use her just as he used Beast lowkey puts me off. I’ll still read fics in which he’s a good partner to her, though - they’re fun.

I also like to think that while she is infatuated with Sebastian at first, it eventually turns into an “I admire him and aspire to be as good at my job” sort of thing. I think she developed a crush on him because he was one of the few men who showed her genuine kindness - even if it’s part of his act. I think most of the men she’s come across were the opposite - and that she’d also had some genuinely scary experiences with them (which I have implied in my works with her). I also don’t think she’d trust them in a hurry, even if she appears unbothered by men she meets at first.

About her life after she starts working at the manor: much like any other woman, all she wants is to feel desirable, especially when she gets to dress and live as one properly.

I also think that she’s a romantic at heart who loves the idea of finding someone who loves her for who she is, although she probably feels it’s all but a pipe dream. I think she’s probably had an experience or two before - probably fleeting ones. Living out most of her life pretending to be a man meant she didn’t have many opportunities at all for this sort of thing, even on the down low. So she hasn’t had any proper experiences with romance. I’m remembering the panel in which she’s extremely flustered after Ronald flirts with her, saying that’s the first time she’s been hit on. I like to interpret that as her feeling like this is the first time someone has made genuine romantic advances towards her.

As for her hobbies and any other interests outside of her job… I don’t know why, but I see her as the artsy kind with humanities girl energy. She seems like the sort who’d be a great artist and surprisingly good at painting. I also like to think she’d try to read more after Sebastian teaches her how to, often using a small part of her wages to buy novels (she loves both the macabre ones and the sappy romantic ones, lol). She’d underline any word she doesn’t know, probably asking Sebastian what it means later on.

I’d like to know more about her pastimes, likes, dislikes, and her as a character overall in canon as well. There’s still potential to expand upon a great deal.

That’s it for now on her! I’m going to do Othello next 😂 and then Ludger, mayhaps - or William and Grelle. My brain isn’t working today, so apologies for any vagueness or if I didn’t explain myself too clearly dhfjdkdb 😭

[luffyvace]

Izuku x male reader

This is fluff so it’s gonna be sweet but don’t expect only “cute baby Izuku 🥺” bc I’m writing accurate to canon him/manga him 😜

(Your a UA student in class 1A for these<3)

Izuku’s Love languages are acts of service and quality time

even though quality time sometimes get scarce because class A is hectic

its called quality time not quantity time

Its about how you spend your time together, not always how much

although I will say you make as much time for each other as possible

you guys train, eat, nap, jog, watch tv/videos together

And of course make lots and lots of jokes

you two have so many inside jokes class A doesn’t understand 😂

It fine you don’t explain it, it’s funnier that way

he does you lots of favors for acts of service

you really don’t even have to tell him!

its the little stuff like, cleaning up a mess for you, getting your jacket when he knows your going out, reminding you about tests and to study!

which on that topic you two study together when you can

but izuku is really busy and spends a lot of energy in the day

As we saw in some episodes he goes to sleep as soon as he makes it in his room

but he does his best!

your likely busy too! Like I said UA is pretty hectic

Even though he has a lot on his plate, he makes time for you

he does lots of little things for your relationship

weekly mental check ins where you sit down and talk/vent or chatter if the week has gone good

video game marathons/competitions

going out to events together likes pop up festivals

buying each other clothes spontaneously

(oops this is coming off really gn let’s switch it up<3)

when izuku realized he was in love with a male..

it made no difference

No fr mha is modern enough to have the clock app why wouldn’t this kinda thing be normal

he might not have realized he was bi before you though

originally he thought he was straight bc he always got flustered around girls

but when you came around and made him feel way more nervous than any girl ever had??

yeah you know that bi panic meme?

he got a slap of that

💥💥

Homophobes is not the worst he’s run into tbh so now that he stands up for himself, he will stand up for you and your relationship as well!

he doesn’t really have the best roasts or whatever but he certainly doesn’t let them get away with it!

forget them tbh let’s move on to a more wholesome topic 💗

Meeting inko!!

when she found out you were a guy she raised her eyebrows then slowly smiled

she was 100% supportive!!

izuku wasn’t really hesitant about telling her or anything because he knew his mother isnt judgemental

when she meets you she’s ecstatic!

she makes a savory dinner and probably shares way too many adorable stories about izuku’s past

Which he gets really embarrassed and you guys end up in his room after so she can’t keep rambling

random but I also feel you and izuku also read manga together

If you like it :)

training with him is..harsh to say the least 😀

like fr no holding back for either of you

If you don’t have a combat compatible quirk this is basically a one-sided beating

only playing!

but seriously he’s letting loose

”what if this was a real battle and you were in danger?!”

”ok but..your punching me like IM the villain”

you’ll be aight 🙂

He told you about his quirk depending on how soon you two met

If you met in middle school or before he likely told you like straight away

mb all might he couldn’t keep it in

if you met in UA, However, he probably either waited a few months after you became friends or started dating

he tells you when your friends if your instant best friends but if your just the occasional “hi m/n!” Then it’s likely after you two get together

pranks.

Yes they happen.

him to you, you to him

you still teenagers after all why not?

if your feeling a silly goofy mood what better to do than surprise your partner? 😋

oddly enough, once you get close enough in the relationship, I feel he’s the one that initiated them!

you guys only do innocent little things that don’t hurt anybody, of course

annoying each other also happens

not in the actual annoyed sense

just the type where your like “BRO STOP!!” But your still smiling 😂

like idk putting one putting their feet next to the others face typa thing

again still harmless

your never really mad at each other and you always make jokes and laugh it off in the end

heroes.

how could I not talk about this?

they’re his favs!!

not to mention I hope your fav hero all might..

bc one, his room.

and two, his rants.

like you’d have to explicitly state you either have a diff fav or are just tired of the rants bc…..bro will go ON.

If I’m gonna talk about heroes gotta talk about villains too right?

so izuku tells you that he wants to save the villains

and that he sees children in them

unhealed, scarred, children.

he rants to you about this on mental check in days

and you listen, he appreciates that.

he gets the feeling no one gets him in that sense, and even if you don’t at least you hear him out!

izuku so so so loves you!

it’s super sweet that you so so so love him too 💝

Writing for izuku is so easy! I love writing for my favs bc thoughts pop out like poop :)

(LOL). No seriously I wrote this faster than expected. Hopefully I clear drafts soon so I can open requests :^

[nimmie-nugget]

can you write a one shot about mui accidentally consuming edibles from a stranger on the streets and then completely losing his filter and roasting everyone (including yui) 😨

~Muichiro loses his Filter~

Warnings: Muichiro speaks, ooc, roasts aren’t roasting, not proofread

Note: Pfft- 🤣🤣🤣 I had some fun writing this one! These are not rlly roasts but it’s the random shizz that came up in my mind at the time I was writing this I’m sorry 😭😭😭 Enjoy! <3 This has been rotting in my drafts for a while now

Masterlist

Hashira Yuichiro AU

Muichiro=Blue, Yuichiro=Purple

3RD POV

It was currently morning as the Tokito twins just finished their missions. They stopped by a small stand where their was an old man selling treats “Nii-san let’s buy some of those!” Muichiro said pointing at the stand full of treats “We can’t, we need to save our yen for a full meal.” “But Nii-san!!!” He whined as Yuichiro sighed. “Fine, just don’t come asking for my food when your hungry.” He said sternly making sure to raise his tone at the ‘my’ “don’t worry Nii-san! I’d never eat your food because I don’t want you hungry!” Yuichiro gave some yen to his brother as he watched Muichiro run off to the stand, after a few minutes of waiting patiently Muichiro came back. They continued their walk as they were near their destination.

The twins were currently at a ramen shop as Yuichiro gobbled down on his ramen, his brother Muichiro was sleeping and eventually Yuichiro finished his meal. Yuichiro shakes his brother awake as Muichiro stirred awake.

Muichiro blinked as he stared at his brother for a good 10 seconds until he rubbed his eyes. Muichiro groaned and stared at his brother in disgust “Muichiro stop looking at me like that!” Yuichiro said as he bonked Muichiro’s head “stfu you dumb excuse of a human.” “…I’m gonna kill you.” “Tell me what is a donkey ugly bitch ass lookin stupid woman like you gonna do to me?” Yuichiro deadpanned as Muichiro threw the empty bowl of ramen on the ground and suddenly the owner came out that he was gay and proceeded to scold the younger twin.

“do you ever shut up? This is why you get no hoes lmfao, small pp bald ass bitch” Yuichiro’s face dusted with pink because of embarrassment. “You gozzamn useless ass of a manwhore who can’t even get hoes lol lmao so embarrassing” said Muichiro as Yuichiro’s right hand went to grip his brothers left shoulder and he whisper-shouted in Muichiro’s ear “Muichiro! Shut up! Let’s just go back to our estate!” Muichiro immediately whipped his head towards Yuichiro “your telling me that I live with you!? This is ridiculous!” He said stubbornly.

“How can I! I the one and only live with a mint flavoured with some chocolate ice creamed hair!!!! Muichiro grumbled as Yuichiro deadpanned again “we look the same.” Yuichiro said losing his patience. Yuichiro looked towards the owner who was absolutely frozen, Yuichiro took a fistful of his brothers hair and ran towards their estate dragging Muichiro as he flailed around.

The twins arrived to their estate as Yuichiro slammed his brother to the ground knocking him out, Yuichiro let out a sigh and he dragged his brothers body to their room. Yuichiro set up two futons and once again slammed his brothers body onto the futon.

Muichiro POV

I groaned as I woke up, I put my left hand on my head only to be met with a slap. I blinked a few times taking in my surroundings as the first person I see is my brother “Nii-san! Why did you slap me!!!” I whined but I didn’t receive an answer, now looking clearly at Yuichiro’s face. It was an unrecognizable expression “I’M GONNA KILL YOUUUUUUUU” oh…it seems it’s gonna be a long day huh…I mentally embraced myself knowing what’s coming.

Taisho Secrets!

Yuichiro did in fact share his food with his brother 🤗

Yuichiro did not shake his brother awake but instead pulled on Mui’s hair hard enough till Mui woke up😀

Yuichiro is left armless 💪🥰

Yuichiro did not pay for the ramen 😋🍜

Yuichiro killed Muichiro 😱

Yuichiro woke up early to kill Muichiro 🤯

The secrets above all start with Yuichiro 🌫️🗡️

The twins did not bring a lot of money so that explains why Yui was worrying about it-

I don’t think these are even secrets but they are now bcs I said so😎👌

[gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot]

Chapter 12 Nemo dat quot non habet (No one gives what they do not have) - On the road

Taglist: @glitterypirateduck @letsreadallday @jamesrifftapes @sofasoap @mmyrrhh

Previous / Masterlist / Next

Warnings: None. They keep being awkward

AP-7 Valencia-Benidorm

The journey was only one hour and a half, but by minute fifteen, Ghost was about to throw Soap out of the SUV.

He knew full well that the Scot was restless in a vehicle. If it wasn’t loudly pointing out things in the landscape, it was complaining about the lack of snacks, or trying to fiddle with the car’s radio. This time he had taken the passenger seat while Riot and Gabi were in the back, and not even the murderous glares that Ghost directed his way were enough to make Soap settle.

So at the first petrol station he made a stop, and turned slightly to look at Soap.

‘‘You have ten minutes to buy whatever you want, provided that you then shut up for the rest of the journey’’

‘‘Deal!’’ Johnny bolted out of the SUV, followed by Gabi, and the couple joyfully walked to the shop. Christine was slower to get off, waiting for Simon to get out of the vehicle as well.

‘‘Do you want anything?’’

‘‘To strangle him’’ Ghost grunted, leaning against the car, and she laughed softly.

‘‘I mean from the shop’’

‘‘A gag’’ He huffed when she laughed again, a bit harder, and couldn’t help but chuckle beneath his balaclava. ‘‘I swear, he only does this when I’m driving. When Price drives, he doesn’t dare to behave like this’’

‘‘That’s because he trusts you’’ Christine shrugged, still smiling. ‘‘And Price would kick him off the car’’

‘‘I’m about to do it, too’’ Simon felt indignant at the thought that Soap would be more scared of Price than of him. But a small part of him, deep inside, felt relief. That part grew bigger when she covered her mouth trying to stiffle a loud laugh.

‘‘You won’t’’ Christine grabbed her mask from the backseat and put it on before getting her wallet. ‘‘You sure you don’t want anything?’’

Nothing that can be bought

‘‘I’m sure’’ Simon shrugged, watching her leave. He could see through the big windows how Soap and Gabi were checking each aisle, chatting among themselves. Shaking his head, he lifted the balaclava up to his nose to breathe freely, now that he was alone.

When Christine came back after just some minutes, he didn’t bother pulling it down immediately. She was fumbling with a small package, her mask dangling from her left ear. The relentless Spanish sunrays were falling on her, making her blonde hair shine like white hot fire, and for a second he felt tempted to dip his fingertips in it, to know if he would burn.

‘‘Peanuts? Roasted, no salt’’ Christine smiled again, offering him the now open package, and Simon shook his daydream to look at it, hesitating. She shook it playfully. ‘‘Johnny and Gabi are buying a ton of snacks to keep at the apartment too, so it’ll take a while’’

‘‘I told him ten minutes’’ Simon sighed deeply and accepted some peanuts. Christine hummed in response, looking around while chewing. The petrol station was far enough from the highway that the vehicle sounds wasn’t too loud.

‘‘He likes you, you know’’

Simon looked at her again, raising an eyebrow, while she leaned against the car, next to him.

‘‘What?’’

‘‘Johnny. He respects you a great deal. He looks up to you’’ When Simon huffed she insisted. ‘‘I know what you’re thinking, that he likes everyone, that’s not true. He just fakes it better than most’’

‘‘What I’m thinking is I’m no one to look up to’’

‘‘Why?’’

Simon looked down at her, open-mouthed even. Why? Why?

‘‘What the fuck is there to look up to in me? He should aim to be better than me, in every aspect’’

Christine seemed to think for a moment, chewing another peanut, before tilting her head up towards him.

‘‘You say that as if you weren’t good enough’’ When he opened his mouth to reply, she kept going, unbothered. ‘‘You are reliable, comitted, disciplined and methodical. What’s not admirable about that?’’

‘‘Acting like a machine is admirable now?’’ Simon let out a low chuckle, one of those deep rumbles that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand out, and Christine rolled her eyes again, trying to shake it.

‘‘In this line of work? Yeah’’ She shrugged, throwing a peanut at him. ‘‘And if you’re talking about the rest of it, yes, I think so too. You may think you are broken���’’

‘‘I am’’ He huffed, but caught the peanut. Christine continued speaking, unfazed.

‘‘… but we all are broken in some way. What we broken ones have to do’’ she raised an eyebrow, with a serious face. ‘‘is break everyone else’’

Simon stared at her, his brown eyes wider than usual while he tried to take in what she had just said. Relief washed over him when he saw the twisted left corner of her lips twich while trying to keep the serious face, and in the end, she couldn’t and started giggling.

‘‘You’re a menace’’ This time he couldn’t find the fondness in his voice.

‘‘Yeah, yeah, but I got you’’ Christine kept the smug grin, looking back at the shop when Johnny and Gabi’s voices started to sound closer, and walked around the SUV to open the passenger door. ‘‘What would you do without me to keep you on your toes?’’

Simon chuckled, shaking his head as he opened the driver’s door to get in, pulling the balaclava back down to cover his mouth.

‘‘I don’t want to know, lovie’’

The way she smiled as she plopped down on the passenger seat and started adjusting it was enough to warm his heart.

‘‘Hey, ah was sitting there!’’ Johnny pretended to protest, but followed Gabi right away to the backseat, with a wide grin. Christine laughed softly.

‘‘Not anymore’’

‘‘We’ve bought a lot of snacks’’ Gabi commented, starting to mention each and every one of them, but Simon was barely listening to what was happening in the backseat, more focused on getting out of the petrol station and back in the highway. ‘‘Let’s hope that allows us to get to Benidorm without more complaints’’

‘‘As long as Johnny keeps his mouth shut’’ Simon grumbled, checking the rear mirrow to watch out for other cars before merging.

‘‘Oh, ah can do that’’ Johnny grinned and suddenly dragged Gabi towards him, chuckling when she squealed, and covered her mouth with his. The redhead laughed and complied, and soon they both were making out like two teenagers in the backseat.

Christine covered her mouth to hide her wide grin, seeing Simon’s narrowed eyes beneath his balaclava and how he slightly shook his head.

‘‘Fuckin’ hell…’’ He grunted, but had to smile when she started giggling. The very same giggle of that moment in the hill, months ago, when she had laughed at the virgin sheep joke.

Just for that giggle, he’d suffer the sounds coming from the backseat.

[neptoons1998]

Blind Date

Summary: Okoye is going on her first date tonight, she totally isn’t nervous.  

A/N: same universe as babysitting

Okoye looks at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t believe Aneka talked her into going on this blind date. Okoye should focus on finishing up her night classes or picking up another shift to put more food on the table or buy Riri some better clothes. 

“You’re working yourself to an early grave,” her friend said to her when the pair were closing the diner. Okoye huffed, “Aneka you know I have too much on my plate. Dating is last on my list.”

Aneka nodded, “I understand that, really. Riri just worries that it's taking too much space in your life.”

Okoye looked up from wiping the counter down, “Did she tell you that?”

“It’s amazing what ice cream can do,” Aneka jokes. The joke fizzled out and died as Okoye frowned. Is that what her sister thought of her? Someone whose overbearing,

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that. Plus she's young, you know how temperamental they are around that age,” Aneka explained, hoping it would pull her friend out of her depression cycle. Okoye could dumbly nod along with her friend’s explanation. It had been a rough year for the sisters between losing their parents and the CPS taking Riri away for a short period because Okoye was an unfit guard. Maybe Aneka was right, maybe dipping back into the dating pool again would help her. 

That’s how Okoye got here. Before Okoye could go deeper into her thoughts Riri came into her room without knocking.

“Hey!” Okoye exclaimed.

Riri gave a smile, “What’s up.” The litter sister continued her walk around her sister’s room without a care in the world. 

“You’re the worst sibling someone ever has the displeasure of having,” Okoye growled out. Riri rolled her eyes as she lay in her sister’s bed, “I’m your one and only sibling. Now deal with it.”

“Stop messing up my hair! I have a date to go on, for Christ’s sake!” Okoye exclaimed to her sister. Riri laughed, “What hair? What you need is to wax that light bulb  you call ahead of yours.”

“Thanks for the ego boost,” Okoye glowered as she focused on putting on her eyeliner. Riri shook her head as her beads made clicking noises, “You don’t need that. It’ll cog your brain.”

The pair fell into a comfortable silence. To many people, it would be so strange that the sisters would rib and roast each other with no problem. That they would stay in each other’s orbit. Okoye likes to think she gives her little sister the comfort she needs. Riri likes to think she gives her older sister that same comfort too.

“Are you nervous?” Riri asked, breaking the silent peace with each other.  Okoye opened her eyeshadow palette, “No, as much as you like to think your sister does know how to date.”

Riri rolled over in her sister’s bed. Riri's constant movement drives Okoye up the wall, "You just don’t know how to pick them is the issue.”

W’Kabi was Okoye’s last boyfriend before the girls parents' death. From what Riri could remember the man was okay. Nothing too remarkable; after her parents' death, she gained somewhat guardianship over her sister. W’Kabi felt that Okoye wasn’t giving him enough attention, letting their two years relationship go down the drain. 

“Well,” Okoye said as she finished missing her makeup, “Aneka put on this blind date. So it doesn’t work out, you know who to blame.”

Riri stared at her sister, “Just take your time on this one.”

And with that Okoye was off to meet her mystery blind date. She sat down in a quiet nook area of the restaurant, Okoye couldn’t help but look at her watch, it was at seven right? Why wasn’t he here yet? She thought. The woman was forgetting the fact it was only six forty-five. 

“Okoye?” The woman looked up at the voice. She gave a kind smile, “Attuma, right?”

The tall man gave her a shy smile, “Yes it is. I’m glad you said yes to meeting me.”

Okoye shrugged, “Aneka can be very..”

“Persuasive,” Attuma chuckled as he sat in his chair. Okoye can only laugh, “Yeah something like that.”

Before the pair knew it, time was moving fast. The couple walked around a park that was nearby, and Okoye was enjoying her time with Attuma. He was kind and sweet. Okoye was pretty sure Riri would like him better than she did with W’Kabi.  Maybe Ankea was right, sometimes it is good to stop and smell the roses. Okoye was enjoying her time with Attuma. She was pretty sure it was too early to say she loved him, so she’ll keep that information to herself for now.

[exlwandering]

Found a writing prompt, it was "How to Perfectly Cook Your Human" took it and ran, gets a little weird and gross so CW for gore. Cannibalism, and misuse of a medical cadaver. Also lots of cooking descriptions. Enjoy 🔪🥩

------------------------------------------------------

How to Cook Perfect Human: A Tutorial

Hey, Im dead. I'm also called cadaver 23. Not my name but who the hell and I to tell the doc what I’m called. Today’s topic of discussion is not how horrible Mr. William Burke is at his job at selling corpses, today we talk about a very viral topic indeed. Can anyone guess it? Well, it’s CANNABILISUM!!! Exciting I know! And today's meal? Me. and tommorows and the day after… Probably for a while honestly im about 180 pounds and people tend to not eat over a pound of meat for like a whole week so… I’ll be on the menu until I go bad, guess he’s stuck with me. But enough about me and how many portions I am, lets talk about the real reason you’re here, to eat. 

Step One:  Get the meat. (This is arguably the easiest step apart from actually eating lol) First you need to find the right person tho, this is done by looking for people like Mr. William Burke, a freelance Broker (somone who sells deep people, aka people not fun at parties, like really dude, so many jobs and you pick seeling dead  dudes… I’m not one to judge tho.) Someone like him is slopy, (I mean it’s not like he has any idea what he’s doing??? He literally took my head off with a chainsaw in his back yard??? xD Guess I am one to judge lol) Any way because he’s got no Idea whats going on, and frankly neither do I, he sells for really cheep. The Rich B**** TM cadavers are worth like 5,000 big bucks for the whole thing, but people like me , ya boy, are like a couple hundo for all of me and like 200 for just a leg (I mean common, talk about a bargain baabaay!!!) After you’ve confirmed that I’m cheep all you gotta do is send some emails! I mean like, he’ll try and sound like he knows what he’s doing so he don’t get sued by a cadavers family but like… It’s not like he doing back round checks or anything so… You know what to do ;)

Step Two: Get Your Ingredients!!!  I suggest, since you’ll be getting me for like a bargain, you totally need to be buying some good spices for me, like rosemary, garlic, (running out of spices here…>:/) you get the gist. You also need to figure out how youll be cooking me! My personal fave would be a pot roast. Before I became a cadaver I lived for a good roast, it was my favorite meal growing up, so obvs you should be cooking me like that! For me!!! My Memory! Ya know, what I would want… Yeah. But. Ya know that’s totally not the only way to cook me. You could make pulled human, I heard human tastes and acts like pork so. You could also grind me up and make human burgers. Or even stake, make me look like an expensive dish! You get the idea, anythings on the table, just don’t burn me… Unless that’s what you want. Then I guess do it. :< It would make a sad tho. 

Step Three: Cook Me. Before we go forward, I wanna make something clear, I never ate human, or cooked it. So I’m not an expert on this part, I am on step one, not so much step two, I could never really buy expensive stuff before being Cadaver 23 so, I don’t know much, but these next steps I’m completely in the dark here. SO >:) From now on I’ll be talking about what I directly experience as I’m cooked. HERE WE GO!!!! The cooking requires some prep, one of the first things I felt happen was the skin being removed and placed aside, while this was happening I hear the guy preparing me talking about how tasty the skin can be when fried, like pork skins! Mmmm, yummy, (TBH one of my most fav road trip snacks). After this My thighs and calves are pried from the bones, said bones maserfally ripped apart from each other. After this, the four biggest bones and are put on a cutting board before being split right down the middle. They did this four excruciating times guys (talk about over kill). He places each bone of a pan with pepper to taste before putting them in the oven to roast the marrow. Both of my claves are cut into medium sized cubes, the exsus being thrown away, like nothing. Each side of my cubes are placed on a frying pan before sauce is put in with me, and I’m left to simmer until thoroughly cooked. One thigh is cut into sizable pieces before being put in a dutch oven with spices and hearty veges like potatoes and carrots and one big thing of garlic to roast us together. When I’m cooked they take forkes to me and pull me apart, mixing in some rosemary and other things that they desired. One thigh is cut into one thick slab before being placed in a cooker with large cut vegies like potatoes and celery and carrots, (woldn’t you know it their making a healthier meal with me than I ever ate before being… yeah. Their meal.) I’m a fancy steak, a pulled human, and most importantly I’m a pot roast now. But that’s not all, like they promised my skin is used, cut into rectangle shapes and placed into a large bowl of boiling oil, my skin bubbles and curls in on itself before becoming translucent and hard, easily snapped. My bones are finally pulled out of the oven, my marrow scooped out with a spoon and placed in a small bowl. I’m finished.

Step four: enjoy. I can feel their teeth. There’s three of them, which explains the three cooking methods. The fork goes through my muscles in one plate, on another I’m scooped up by a fork and pressed down by a partition of cubed potato, and finally on another plate- no a bowl, I’m picked up by a spoon filled with hot broth that burns everywhere it touches. Carrots, potatoes, and celery floats beside my thigh muscles. The slow grinding of my flesh is constant and thruming until I am mush. I crack and squelch between their teeth. My Skin snappeing and mosining and turning to mush and then nothing, only sunsitnace for their bodies. I’m also in the bowl next to the bread, still warm as My Marrow is scooped onto a butter knife and scrapped atop toasted bread slices and once again swallowed. I am in three bowls. I am in two plates. I am in three bellies.

I don’t know much about how to cook a human to perfection, but I do know one thing, I am now a perfectly cooked human. That’s all. Finally. 

[mindbat]

At the Dawn of a New Year

We made it, everyone! Congrats and welcome to 2024 🎉

So much has changed. So much is going to change.

I’ve been away from the blog for a long time, and for that I apologize. I’ve been going through some life changes, culminating in a split from my wife.

I’m also been in therapy for several months now, for the first time. It’s both cause and consequence of everything I’m going through. Therapy for me is like going to the gym, but for my emotions. It’s hard, and I’m always sore afterward, but I’m stronger and glad I went. Would recommend.

Some things haven’t changed, though. I’m still living in Victoria, BC, and still feel incredibly lucky to be here. This city has welcomed me in so many unexpected ways. I’m grateful, and I can only hope I can pay it back someday.

I’m also still working my day-job as a programmer, and toiling away at my novels and short stories on the side. Still living without a car. Still trying to get the right amount of seasoning on my roasted vegetables. Still buying way too many books (I know, “too many books” is a category error. There are never enough books).

I want to start this year off with gratitude. Both of what I’ve accomplished over the last year, and for what’s to come. So, as 2024 rises and stretches, like a cat waking from a nap in the sun, let me list the things I’m grateful for:

My writing group, with whose help I’ve finished editing a novel for the first time. And not just finished, but synopsis written and everything ready to submit to agents, starting this week.

The organizers of the Surrey International Writers’ Conference, who put on such a welcoming and stimulating conference. And because of whom I was able to meet an agent that gave me the injection of confidence I needed to finish up that novel synopsis.

My co-workers at Cisco, who every day demonstrate to me how a non-toxic technical culture can work.

The folks at IRCC and BC’s Provincial Nominee Program, who gave this middle-aged guy a shot at permanent residence in Canada.

My D&D group, who opened their gaming table and their arms to this immigrant.

Dan, David, Baamonde, Alex, and Haywood, friends who have stuck with me over many years, through many ups and downs.

My family, particularly my mom and older sister, who have never held my lack of phone calls or texts against me.

The Victoria Creative Writing Group, without whom I would not have met my writing circle.

The Victoria Bowmen Club, who taught me what’s it like to really wield a bow (after years of me writing about it).

The folks on social.linux.pizza, mstdn.ca, and tenforward.social, who helped me find my footing (and friends) in the fediverse.

So many gifts, from so many people. Thank you, all, for everything you’ve given me, everything you’ve taught me.

May your new year be a bright one.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Ride the Cyclone Kids Playing Overwatch (again)

the thrilling sequel to this

After some time, Noel decides to pick Cassidy, Bastion, and Mercy as his mains! His aim is still garbage, but at least he isn’t switching characters every single time he dies.

Cassidy is a bit tricky for him because of the aim thing, but Cassidy is a pretty-looking man, so he likes him.

Bastion’s turret form is the way he gets the most kills. He’s such an annoying player that will just MELT through the other team’s defenses.

And then he healbots as Mercy lmao

What can he say? He likes the bimbo!

Oh, he also tries his hand at Lifeweaver from time to time!

But then… The Incident happened…

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! He saw that Ricky was low on health and surrounded by the enemy team, so he Life Gripped him to get him out of harm’s way!

Right as Ricky used his ult.

Instead of Wrecking Ball’s mines deploying all around the enemy team and blowing up, they deploy where absolutely no one is fighting, effectively wasting the ult.

Ricky just kinda stared at Noel. Noel was getting leered at by a hamster.

Noel: i’m so sorry

Not seen: Mischa and Penny laughing their asses off

Ocean, coming back by from spawn: why are Ricky’s mines where no one is??

Noel: I DIDNT MEAN TO

Ricky assured him that it was fine, though! Accidents happen! He wasn’t mad!

Another advancement! Ocean picks up Brigitte as her main!

She still loves Tracer, and she still plays her all the time, but Brigitte doesn’t require aiming because she uses a flail. So she just presses down on the primary attack button and Does Not Stop.

Constance also picks up Ana! She likes playing her a lot!

Penny likes to go invisible and spam “Boop” around the enemy team. It’s so funny to watch them spin in a circle to try and find where she is.

The MINUTE someone says ANYTHING toxic, Penny and Mischa are targeting them and them alone.

The other team is lucky that Mischa plays on console because if he had access to a keyboard, he would be BRUTAL in the game chat

Only if the other team is toxic, though

You know who DOES have access to a keyboard, though?

Ricky

So the others tell Ricky to type stuff for them

Also Ocean!

Cause she plays on her laptop because never in a million years would her parents buy her a console

So she also types stuff

Or sometimes they’ll hear the aggressive clicking of a joystick as Penny writes a message out on the Xbox keyboard

After a game, Penny has exactly fifteen seconds to try and type out the world’s most vile roast with her Xbox controller

Constance, an Ana, watching a nanobladed Genji hurtle toward her with the speed and strength of a collapsing star (she missed her sleep dart, there’s nothing she can do to save herself now)

Ricky, a Wrecking Ball, watching Constance get sliced to pieces by a nanoed Genji that’s going at 363kph after missing her sleep dart (he knows he’s next)

Penny, a Sombra, sprinting across the map, shouting “I’LL HACK HIM, I’LL HACK HIM!” (she gets killed the moment she gets there)

Noel, a Mercy, thinking it’s a good idea to try and rez Constance when the nanoed Genji is 0.6 inches away from him (the sword is put straight through his throat)

Mischa, a Winston, watching in horror as all of his friends are slaughtered in cold blood (he had died 4 seconds by the enemy D.Va before all hell broke loose and could only helplessly spectate the massacre)

Ocean, a Tracer, jumping off the edge of the map to keep the enemies from getting a team kill

The amount of times both teams have seen Ocean Blink off of a map as Tracer

And more than half the time, when she tries to throw her Pulse Bomb, she ends up getting caught in the blast and dying

Ocean: why does my OWN BOMB hurt me??

Ricky: you’re not ready to hear what real bombs do

Everyone hates push, which is fair, because push fucking SUCKS

ESPECIALLY COLOSSEO

FUCK COLOSSEO

ALL MY HOMIES HATE COLOSSEO

Noel doesn’t know how to use Deadeye At All

Like, Mischa will flip through the POVs after dying, watching his friends fighting for their lives, and then this dummy is prowling around in some random hallway with a tumbleweed clipping into Cassidy’s foot, absolutely nowhere near any enemies

Noel: i don’t know what i’m doing

Mischa: i can tell

Constance gets possessed by some kind of bloodlust when she faces another Orisa in a match

She doesn’t know what comes over her, but she’s always beefing with the other horse

Ricky: where is Constance??

Constance, in some random building, fighting for dominance against another Orisa:

One time Ocean accidentally said she “unshelled” a D.Va, and the gang has been saying that since then whenever D.Va’s mech breaks

Penny is the CEO of yelling “GET THE BABY” whenever D.Va’s out of her mech

Ocean gets lost on the maps So Easily

Mischa, spectating Ocean after dying: Ocean, where the fuck are you going??

Ocean, somehow at the enemy spawn instead of the payload: I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM

Ocean is the designated “payload princess”

While everyone else is off fighting for their lives, she’s sitting on the payload while the other team is distracted

*In Blizzard World, on defense*

Noel, guarding the point, watching Ocean, who is also guarding the point, hide behind a wooden post that is definitely not big enough to conceal Tracer’s body: you look awful

Ocean, crouching on these hay bales that are on the point: how do i look now?

Noel: fucking stupid 😭

Also as the exact opposite of Constance: Ocean HATES fighting other Tracer’s

And they’re SO HARD TO HIT

And they’re usually way better than she is 😅

Ramattra used his ult one time, and Ricky and Penny IMMEDIATELY reversed right back into spawn

When the opposite team ults, the general reaction is either A) “SCATTER” or B) “HIDE”

Whenever they hear “FIRE IN THE HOLE,” Mischa is instantly like “SPREAD OUT SPREAD OUT”

“It’s high noon” they are hiding behind the closest object and staying there

When D.Ava ults, Ocean uses ALL of her Blinks as Tracer trying to flee the general area

Most of the time, she hits a wall and just accept her fate 😭

They once got matched against someone they already played with three times, and that bitch LEFT

That one time Ocean, as Tracer, snuck around the Entire Team in Eichenwalde and captured the point with no interference because they were all distracted with everyone else

One of her best moments

They got our asses handed to them after that, but that’s not the point

Constance: they got a Widowmaker!

Noel, immediately getting sniped: i know

“Revoke gay rights” -Mischa, being killed by a Tracer

“God, please put your balls on me” -Penny, trying to get healing from Constance, who was playing Zenyatta

“We’re gonna have to gaze into her hole so many times” -Ocean, having misheard what Moira says during her ult

[artemistorm]

Mother

Here you go, a random scene from my LU modern AU I call Temple AU starring Warriors and Linkle. (1,012 words)

******

Someone knocked on the door. Time started to get up from his seat but Warriors motioned him off.

“I’m already up,” he said putting the margarine down that he’d just grabbed from the fridge.

“I bet it’s the cops,” Wind said. “One of y’all is getting arrested.”

“It’s not me,” Hyrule said quickly. “Unless the Zora Mart has cameras in the parking lot.”

“They don’t,” Wild said. “I’ve checked. Pass the corn, Sky.”

“Ugh. What did you guys do in the—” Sky started.

“What are you doing here?!” Warriors exclaimed down the hall at the doorway.

“Is that any way to greet your sister after sixteen years?” A female voice snapped back.

“How did you even find me??”

“Why should you care? You’re the one whose been ghosting me! Now let me in.” The woman didn’t wait and pushed past Warriors.

“Hey! You can’t just show up and push your way in here!”

“I can and I will.”

“Who’s the lady friend?” Wind nudged Four who shrugged.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Linkle snapped.

“Guys, this is my sister Linkle,” Warriors sighed.

“Twin. Twin sister,” Linkle said and bowed. “A pleasure to meet you all! I’ve seen so much about you on the news!”

There were several groans from around the dining table.

“All good things I hope?” Twilight asked through his teeth knowing the answer.

“Nope!” Linkle cheerily replied. The groans continued.

“If you’re his twin sister, how come we’ve never heard of you?” Wind asked. “Ow! Four! Don’t hit me!”

“No, no, he’s got a valid question,” Linkle said. “Why have you been straight up ignoring me? Pretending I don’t exist?”

“Sister! Good to see you! What have you been up to all these years?” Warriors said with obviously faked elation. “Not in front of them!” He muttered which everyone heard but politely ignored. “We’ll get into that later!”

“Would you like some dinner?” Time offered.

“I would love some dinner! I didn’t even have lunch because I gave all my cash to the homeless man who showed me how to get to the train station and then my card declined when I tried to buy a hot dog because my bank thought my card had been stolen.”

“Oh! That, uh, sounds like quite the day,” Time said pulling an extra stool up to the table. Sky filled a plate with the barbequed goat and roasted potatoes they were having and handed it to her.

“Oh it was! But now I’m here having dinner with my long lost bro and his buddies!”

“So… how’s it going? What are you up to these days?” Warriors asked. “What brings you to Castletown? Last I heard, you were living in the woods with a, um, a witch.”

“You are totally right!” Linkle said with a mouthful of goat, then finished chewing and swallowing before continuing. “As you know, I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood apprenticed to Grandmother learning cottage witchcraft and apothecary science and honing my skills as an expert archer, until she ran out of things to teach me and got too old to teach anyways. Then I got a job as a cuckoo shepherd on a local farm—actually, funny story, I was knocking on the door of a random farm cuz I got lost and was trying to ask for directions but they thought I was the new farmhand and instead gave me a job minding cuckoos. I was too embarrassed to correct the mixup and the real person they actually hired never showed so it all worked out in the end. I needed a way to make real people money anyways. So I've been doing that for a couple of years."

“So what brings you here?”

“Grandmother died.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.”

“And I lost my job. The cuckoos got eaten by a flock of juvenile lizalfos. While I was away performing the Last Rites ceremony for Grandmother.”

“Damn. That’s tough.”

“Yeah. But don’t worry, that was months ago. Grandmother has appeared to me twice since then. She’s doing great in the afterlife. And she was the one who told me where to find you.”

“I don’t know how I feel about that…” Warriors said, dreading the direction this conversation was going.

“So, uh, big brother, if you don’t mind…” Linkle started.

“Oh here we go,” Warriors muttered and steeled himself.

“I’d like to give you intel on the Yiga Clan’s movements in the Gerudo Higlands.”

“Uh… what?”

“And I’d like to stay with you at your place for a bit. Just until I can get my apothecary shop open.”

“Can we… can we go back for a second? Did you say the Gerudo Highlands? I thought you were living in Akkala.”

“I was until I wasn’t. Grief’s a funny thing you know? I don’t even remember how I got there! Anyways. While I was on my way back from Kema Kosassa—”

“Best to save that conversation for later,” Time interrupted.

“So what do you say Wars? Can your sister stay with you?” Sky asked. Warriors couldn’t tell in Sky was teasing him or being genuine.

“Wars? Is that what you’re going by nowadays?” Linkle interrupted. “That’s not a very nice name. Is it because you got kicked out of the military in the middle of the war and you feel bad so you—”

“Linkle,” Time put his hand up.

“Oops. Sorry. That was rude wasn’t it? Sorry. Still getting’ the hang of this whole social skills thing. When you live on your own with only an old lady and some cuckoos for company for sixteen years those sorts of lifeskills tend to backslide, don’t they?”

“Fine. You can stay with me.” Warriors relented.

“Oh goodie! Yay! I’m so glad that—” Linkle bubbled.

“For one night,” Warriors cut her off. “Then we find you a hotel or something.”

“Wars. Come on. It’s your sister!” Hyrule objected.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that… I’m used to living a certain way in my own space, and… I barely know you…”

“We’re complete strangers aren’t we?” Linkle said.

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Not for long we won’t be! There’s so much to get caught up on!”

“Great. Welcome Linkle. Who wants dessert?” Legend asked.

“Ooh! I do!” Linkle cried excitedly, accidentally flinging barbeque sauce on Time’s face with her wildly flailing fork.

“Great. Yeah. Dessert.” Warriors murmured. Sky put a hand on his shoulder supportively.

“We’ll help,” he mouthed to Warriors.

“Thanks,” Warriors mouthed back.

[nijohirjesyho]

Proposed Live a Live crossover for FFXIV

It’s probably not gonna happen but hey, they crossed over with Octopath Traveler’s Gatcha game so that’s cool. SE if you see this you can buy the idea off me for 20 bucks, I want this so badly. Also, spoilers for Live a Live, I don’t care if the game’s 30 next year, the remake’s almost exactly a year old. But since Oersted’s on the cover and in the trailers, his existence is no longer being treated as a spoiler.

[Typical Random Roulette let’s be honest]

I’m torn between the requirement being The Black Wolf's Ultimatum/the end of ARR or being set post ShB. But the basic concept stays the same, just depends on if we roast G’raha for his habit of cross the rift gatcha rolls.

The WoL gets a quest of something weird happening in the shroud, typical event quest nonsense. They go to investigate and lo, 5 weirdos.

Their hostile at first until the Yugioh Protagonist Reject goes “Wait, they just thought of themselves as the Warrior of Light, they might know something, don’t stab them.”

A ninja decloaks behind you. 

So they introduce themselves, as Akira, Oboromaru, Masaru, Lei (I’m picking her because she’s popular of the Shifu’s three students and to have a girl in here), The Sundown Kid (The Kid’s fine), and the little robot is Cube.

Yes he’s round. Don’t worry about that.

They pause, count, and realize one of them is missing, so first task is go find Pogo.

Fortunately, it is not hard to find the caveman that’s dancing around excitedly, having found a boar. Which your party now has to deal with.

The WoL fights it, I think, so the others can go “cool, you do know how to fight” and also “this is Pogo. We think that’s his name. He responds to at least.”

Akira, who’s psychic btw: “Listen, the dude thinks in shapes, that’s what I’ve got. He doesn’t do words.”

Now that they’ve got him, they explain that something like this has happened to them before, and they’re pretty sure they just need to find a “Lord of Dark” and defeat him, and they can all go home.

Possibly a debate here about an unnamed ‘him’ that they’re unsure if they need to look before resuming that they’re happy to have the WoL along for help.

At this point you would be able to bring up Zodiark, (possibly special dialogue if after EW) and they all agree that while that sounds bad that doesn’t sound like who they’re looking for.

“Lord of Dark? Name probably starts with an O and gonna be a reoccuring pain?”

The WoL: Odin maybe?

They decide that the Odi in Odin and the title “the Dark Divinity” is a pretty solid lead, and ask you to help them find him and beat him up so they can all go home.

Like the FFXV crossover, you’d get to hang out with them a bit and chat, but it would probably be twice, either the group broken in half so you have a smaller group to chat with, or you pick two characters to talk to.

(If you pick Cube you two just vibe in silence, before Cube offers you a warm drink)

If chosen, they all (Pogo and Cube excluded) talk a bit about where their from and evil they’ve faced before, and give the WoL some advice and encouragement.

That over with, they queue in unsynced since they don’t have a healer, they’re like four DPS, two tanks, and whatever Cube is. (Baby and the one with an AoE heal).

So the eight of you fight Odin, and yeah, he’s not his normal self, something’s definitely warped him to be more like the seven of them remember, but you’re bringing him down, until it hits the DPS check that Odin always has.

This is a scripted loss, in that the other 7 get knocked on their asses, while the WoL is still up, but so is Odin.

When a new voice calls out “gods damn you!” and jumps in. The final hero, and the only one who looks like he fits the current setting, Oersted.

(I have mentally written dialogue for this btw, I’m just skipping a lot of it so as to avoid making this post longer. I’d say avoid subjecting you to my brain rot but you’re getting it already.)

WoL and Oersted go for it, and Oersted is definitely wrecking shop. His dmg output is insane. [Not because he’s my blorbo and poor little meowmeow but because that’s a reflection of the game, his stats are NUTS compared to the others]

Odin gets defeated, duty complete, huzzah.

The heroes get up, check each other over, chat a bit, before Akira probably goes “alright, I know this one [WoL] doesn’t talk much, but we all know you can.”

Oersted: “What a terrible thing, so filled with malice, and with hate. How far it must have reached to find this seed, to water it thus.”

I am bad at iambic pentameter but he definitely speaks in it, adjust accordingly.

Anyway, they all seem a bit wary of Oersted but he thanks you for the chance to fight beside a companion again, and to be cautious of letting hate fester in you, and to be sure to nourish love and hope instead. 

They all take their leave, quest ended, you’ve spent time with them, defeated the bad guy yay! (Replay the quest to hang out with different NPCs the true LaL experience)

Quest rewards: Cube Minion, Megalomania Orchestrion (YES I SPELLED THAT RIGHT IT’S MANIA NOT VANIA THIS TIME), and limited time glamours in the Gold Saucer such as Sundown’s Poncho and Hat (not visible on Hrothgar and Viera)

Please look forward to it (never happenng)

[victorluvsalice]

Welcome to Summer Saturday in the Chill Valicer Save, where my original plan was to do a "store day," but like so many plans, it didn’t survive contact with “the enemy” (aka me getting distracted trying to get through a bunch of other stuff in the game). But the trio did still get out and about, and they did still have a good Summer Saturday.

But we'll get to that in a minute, because first – house update! Yes, before I started playing, I made a few updates to the gang's house, and I am here to share them with you. So here we go –

-->After doing a quick check of my mods (couple of things to update from Lumpinou) and making back-ups and all that other fun stuff, I popped into the game, looked at the crafting barn, and went “well, I can’t figure out how to add a basement to the MAIN HOUSE, but HERE…” So I drew out a room under it, added some nice slat stairs with one of the new Horse Ranch railings going down (under the ones going up to Smiler’s party barn area), gave it a solid wooden floor and some nice stone walls (also both from Horse Ranch – that pack has some solid Build/Buy stuff, I must say), sold the woodworking bench that got kicked into the household inventory when I added in the new stairs (I wasn’t using it anyhow, honestly – Alice’s jewelry-making bench is now in its place) and voila – one barn basement! It’s rather sparsely furnished at the moment – kind of hard to furnish a room when you don’t have any working lights in it (the farmhouse is set up so the lights only go on when someone is in the room to conserve power, and my attempt to get Victor to turn on the ceiling lights I scattered in there only worked until I actually moved an object in there, whereupon they went right out again), but I also wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to put down there, beyond the nectar maker and a few nectar storage racks to help with aging. Ended up moving Victor’s cauldron down there as well, since that way I could free up the middle of the barn again – I could move the SimsCo canning factory down there too, I suppose, and make it for food and drink production? Kind of like the basement processing center at the store? I will ponder this. But yeah, currently what’s down there is the nectar-maker, the nectar storage racks (with the nectar Smiler’s already made inside one), Victor’s cauldron (and the cool stone circle underneath), and the yellow couch from the back porch. Why is THAT down there, you ask?

-->Well, because I ended up putting their new chess table in its spot! :D Yes, remember how Smiler actually successfully hosted a gold-tier Weenie Roast over in Copperdale last update, and thus got a nice wooden chess table (the one where the top is a partially-unfinished slice of a log) as a reward? I decided that it should go on the back porch because that’s where the chess lights were. :) I used the special camping chair (the one with the fish pattern) that they unlocked with their Silver Weenie Roast a while back for the seats, then moved the VIP bucket that was sitting on the side table next to the couch over to the counters by the barbecue, and the candy jar that was on that counter over to the side table. Because that felt more logical now. :P I also ended up moving the cooler they got for the original Weenie Roast here at the house over to the porch near the barbecue as well, then deleted the campfire in the yard entirely. Because they don’t really use it, and thanks to fun with “Simple Living,” they can’t even use it to roast weenies. *shakehead* I love that lot challenge but it comes with some BIZARRE restrictions.

I also BRIEFLY experimented with pulling the porch forward so I could make the kitchen a bit wider, in an attempt to fit more stuff into it – but then I realized “oh shit, that means I’m going to have to pull out the side of the house upstairs too, and that is going to be a whole thing and – yeah, that’s more than I want to deal with right now.” So everything went back to the way it was before. *sigh* Damn kitchen restrictions – though I suppose I could try widening it the OTHER way? Be a little less of a ballache, and all it would do is make the spot for the pet obstacle course a bit smaller, and they don’t use that much…we’ll see what I decide later!

-->And the final bit of Build/Buy fun before I started the playsession proper – getting a sign for the farm! :D Because while I was going through all the Horse Ranch stuff, vaguely looking for anything relating to mini-sheep/goats (I thought they had a special bed or something like how chickens have coops and cows and llamas have sheds – appears not), I suddenly remembered this pack came with ranch entrance signs and that I’d wanted to put one over the front path to the Van Liddelton farmhouse. So I found the one whose aesthetic matched the farmhouse the best and plopped it over the front path, then decorated it with some metal signs for a cow, a chicken, a cowplant, and a freezer bunny. Oh, and a longhorn skull for the center. XD It looked really cool –

But while I was looking for those entrance signs, I found ANOTHER beautiful entrance archway that was included with the pack, made of wooden beams with flowers (I believe morning glories) and string lights wrapped around it. I was like “!!! I can’t NOT use this,” but at the same time, I really wanted the “official” sign –

And then I decided “screw it, I’ll put this in front of the greenhouse.” So that’s what I did, moving over the wheelbarrow with the gnome and the little cart currently there and putting the new archway in front of the door, with the dark wood and yellow flowers since I liked that swatch best. :) It looks really nice! I like it as an extra bit of detailing for the front. Lots of good stuff in this pack, glad I got it!

[drabbles-mc]

failed to read this as a bedtime story. instead im reading it in the middle of the workday because no one can stop me 😌

Sorta feels like you’re just a part of it, part of him, part of the day and the routine <- oh. okay. so you're just.....you're gonna have me yearning in the middle of the afternoon like this??? fuck off affectionate

And you gotta say, those one’s are nice ones, cause it lets you shut everything off, which you figure is the same thing he likes about it.  <- big fan of the fact that these two are carting around emotional baggage that would need to be checked at the airport and they just aren't saying anything about it sksks honestly??? same

sits on the step when you got a perfectly good bench on the porch <- obsessed with this detail. would love to elaborate but im afraid the language in my head cannot be translated to english

you watch him ride off like he’s already got you down with a mortgage and a ring and everything else <- i adore this because idkidkidk it feels so real. like getting out of a serious longterm relationship (this man had a whole marriage) and going back to casual dating has to be such a strange transition. like you forget how it goes. how do you do casual after you built an entire life with someone?????? johnny sure as fuck doesn't know!!! so he's just gonna keep acting like a whole husband

“Well, they’re wrong, alright? S’not like that for me.” <- oh 🥹

Cause that would tire him out, no matter how flattering he’s trying to be. <- damn. mothers really do be like that huh? 😅

Mrs Saccone don’t even bother knocking no more <- SKSKSK not the nosey neighbor accepting defeat!!!! i adore her

Before you got the hang of it, he said he was always thinking you might come flying off one day, right up over his shoulder onto the concrete <- JOHNATHAN DAVIS 😂 you can't just go SAYING THAT to people 😂 sksks i love him. i hear it so clearly. i'm crying laughing he's just sooooooo!!!!!

cause no matter how he tries to fix his face, it never looks right <- i know exactly what they mean by this but it still sounds like a lowkey roast and it's making me giggle skskks

But sometimes how it is and how it should be aren’t really working out, you know, and today you’re feeling like reminding him of that. <- reader stays spitting facts and i love them for it. this is the typa person johnny needs in his life. little shots of cold water to remind him of what's what

“Oh, like you and Brucie are running some big scary gang or something. Come on, Johnny.” <- pffftttt no but they're so so right. Johnny at least cuts an intimidating image. but Brucie??? sweet lil Brucie with the gorgeous wife????? stoppit right now sksk

“What? I need to buy a leather jacket first?” <- every few lines i've said it and every few lines i'll say it again: i love them so much!!!! if johnny isn't gonna swoop them up EYE will

omg i'm gobbling every word of this Reader Lore

“I’m thinkin, you’re gonna take a look at one of those guys and realise you picked the wrong one,” <- JOHNNY?????????????????? SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW???????? bro the way i lost my eyebrows in my hairline at this. i cant. i dont even know the words to say about it.

Benny. Benjamin. his presence looms over the narrative always

In a kind that has that little bike stand screaming for help kinda way. <- ohhhhh 😏

On the way home, he’s even telling you which ones of them you’ll like, which ones you’ll not like so much, and which ones you don’t need to bother getting to know at all—and you figure that means they’re a real extreme version of one of those other two categories, so you listen real close to that part. <- okay but i want the entire venn diagram laid out in my dms asap thank you very much. im obsessed i need to know the ins and outs of the categories

GODDDDD I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMM i'm kicking my feet and giggling and spinning around in my office chair

white room - pt.4

johnny davis x gn!reader, 18+, canon typical themes and language, 3.9k words, 4 of ? ao3 link | previous part a/n: thankyou for all the comments so far, it's really keeping this whole thing alive <3 <3 (gif credit to @hausofmamadas ! )

After that, the dates don’t feel like dates no more. Sorta feels like you’re just a part of it, part of him, part of the day and the routine, you know? Which you like as much as you don’t, cause seeing him so much is real nice—and it’s nearly every day sometimes. But you’d still like to go out and do things together too, nice things, the way people do when they’re still trying to win each other. 

How it’s working now, is Johnny’ll show up some time—meaning after work, or after dinner, or after it’s gone dark and you shouldn’t be accepting visitors at all, but you do, cause it’s only him, you know—without the least bit of warning, and he’ll ask if you wanna go someplace. And someplace is either that bar you and him have sorta made into your bar, from that one night that time, or sometimes someplace is everyplace, cause he likes just riding round with you. Likes cutting through the night with you on the back. And you gotta say, those one’s are nice ones, cause it lets you shut everything off, which you figure is the same thing he likes about it.  

But if you’re really honest, most times, you don’t even get off the front porch.

He comes over just to sit right there with you, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Like he pays part of the upkeep or something. Some days it’s like maybe a few minutes, other days, it’s closer to a couple hours. Always with no requests, no offers, just, "You got a minute?" And you say, "yeah, for you I got ten," cause, well, you’re kinda starting to feel like need it. Like you’d sleep funny if you didn’t get to see him, even just for a little while. 

What you think it is, cause it happens so often, and real routine, you know, every Tuesday and Thursday and Sunday, you’re thinking he’s stopping by before going to one of them club meetings. Comes over just to see you, cause he knows he’s got no time for nothin else, so it’ll have to do. And believe it or not, sometimes he’s even got a couple of guys with him, but they carry on while he’s parking up, not waving bye to him or nothin, so it makes no difference really. 

Then Johnny gets off, and takes a coffee when you offer it to him, and sits on the step when you got a perfectly good bench on the porch, and you sit right there next to him. Just talking and stuff. Saying lots without really saying much; small talk that’s a little sweet and a little boring, too. How’s your day, you know, what you been up to.

Funny enough, more often than not, his days are just as boring as yours are. Just bikes and trucks and roads with nothing much else on them. Occasionally, he’ll have a little sort of gossip on someone, like Corky pissing Wahoo off about something, but by the time you see him next, they’ve already gone right back to being best buddies, and Johnny’s got nothin more to say about it. 

But you like to hear whatever he’s got to give, boring work stuff or not, cause then it means you’re even, you know? You can go on and on about the office and he’s got to mean it when he says he don’t mind hearing about it, cause you mean it when you say it back to him, right?

When he’s done talking, he sets the empty mug down and says, see ya, Lips, and then sometimes he kisses you, and sometimes he don’t, and you watch him ride off like he’s already got you down with a mortgage and a ring and everything else that would have a person waving him off like that. You don’t mind so much. About the kisses, or the little talks you guys have. It’s just like stopping for gas, you figure. He’s only there to fill himself up before he goes back into that wolf den, and if it’s you he’s filling up on, well, that’s more of a compliment than anything else he’s ever said to you. 

“You’ve got this thing,” he said one time, “this thing about you that makes me feel like I’ve slept a whole week just from being here.”

And you said, “That’s those new coffee beans I got,” pointing to the ‘I heart Chicago’ mug he was cradling. 

“I’m serious.”

But you were too. “No one’s ever thought I’m anything but real tiring,” you said.

“They tell you that?”

“In some way or another.”

“Well, they’re wrong, alright? S’not like that for me.”

Feels crazy to say so, but from the look of him when he arrives, and the look of him when he gets back on that bike to leave again, then sure, it really seems like he's telling the truth. You’re winning out over coffee and a night in bed, somehow.

Before you can even notice it, a whole month goes by, and it’s all cause of Johnny.

His little porch-side pit stops make one day go flying on into the next, and the next, and so on, and stuff. Then all of a sudden, you’re telling him about the signet ring that was your Pop's—so that’s why you wear it on your thumb like that—and telling him about the year you worked in Minnesota—cause that's where your grandparents lived—and you sort of do kinda tell him about Mom, but not really. Cause that would tire him out, no matter how flattering he’s trying to be. 

Somewhere in that month he starts saying things about his kids, and Betty too, that you never really thought he’d ever say to you—cause why would he, you know? There's somethings even you wouldn’t ask about. But he comes by so often, it ends up coming out of him in one conversation or another, and before you know, it’s been a while. A real note-worthy type of while. And Johnny Davis has kinda sorta become your Johnny, as much as you’ve become his, in a lazy porch step kind of way. And you feel like you know him almost. Like he’ll stick around, and you will too.

There he comes again now, see, turning down your street right as you put the coffee pot on. You don’t drink it after work, or ever really, but he does. For the meetings, like you said. So it works better to have it ready for him. Mrs Saccone don’t even bother knocking no more, cause his bike’s cutting up the quiet more often than it’s not, and you reckon she got all tired of lifting up the broom like that. Or she got over it, you know, like she realised he ain’t the trouble she thought he was.

Johnny says it’s cause he saw her once and said hello, all polite and charming, so now she likes him. Yeah. Sure, you said, couldn’t be that she’s eighty something, you know, and can only bang a broom on a wall so much. Plus, she don’t like anyone that ain’t related to her, but, eh, if Johnny wants to think he’s wooed her then it’s whatever. Both of them are fine about it, or at least not causing some sort of neighbourhood war for you, so who cares?

“Hey Johnny.” 

You’re already out waiting for him by the time he’s outside, cause you hear the engine long before you can see him, and he pulls up over the driveway that never gets any use no more. He don’t shut the bike off like he usually does, though. Just sits there with it running under him, feet flat either side of it. 

He nods at you greeting him, then says, “Wanna go for a ride?”

So it’s one of those days. A Wednesday, you remember. 

“Where to?”

He shrugs, and he looks real tired today, now that you’re looking at him proper. His eyebrows all low and lazy over his eyes. “Nowhere,” he says.

Well, that’s good enough for you. “Alright,” you tell him, “as long as nowhere leads somewhere that sells some bread. I’m all out.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Gimme a sec.”

These days, you’re on the back of that thing like you know how to drive one yourself. So quick and professional about it, Johnny don’t even have to help you up no more. Just trusts that you can climb on and off all by yourself, and that you know when to lean and squeeze your knees, and all that other riding stuff too. Which you figure must be nice for him now, cause it means he don’t gotta worry about anything other than the road. 

Before you got the hang of it, he said he was always thinking you might come flying off one day, right up over his shoulder onto the concrete. You told him, you never knew that was a thing that could happen in the first place, but it was too late to be nervous about it by then cause you were already used to it, you know? So he got lucky with that one. Any earlier and you’d’ve said you’re not going no where fuckin near that thing, whether he was romancing you, or not. 

Tonight, you’re going for miles before Johnny shows any real sign of stopping. All the way out of town, and then some, right into the crap that lies in the dirt between home and the next one over. When he does, the sun’s only barely clinging on over the top of the horizon, which must be why he’s picking now to pull over someplace, cause if he waits too long it’ll be dark, and cold. Though, you never notice the cold when you’re out riding no more, not like you did that first time, cause when you’re wrapped right up in the warm of him that’s all you can focus on. But he’s forgotten his gloves today, and his hands will sure complain about that once the sun's gone. 

He’s picked some little row of storefronts that you’ve never seen before, rolling into the lot with his bike in neutral. Not firing or purring or anything, just cruising in, real slow, with one hand on the bars and the other on his thigh. 

And you know why he’s done it, cause one of the storefronts has a big stack of grocery looking crates sitting outside of it, and everything else that might suggest it’s a place that’s selling bread, but you can tell it’s closed before he even puts the brakes on. Lights off, blinds down. You get off and have a look through the window just in case, like the guy might be in there behind the counter still, but nope. It’s as empty as it looks.

And when you go back to Johnny, he seems real sorry about it. Like he could’a known.

He’s got his bike parked up and quiet now. Got it standing slanted on that little stand that don’t look like it can really hold the weight of the thing, let alone that and Johnny, who’s leaning against the lean of it, too. Two big hunks of stuff on one little arm. 

“Guess I’m not taking lunch tomorrow,” you tell him. Which you regret as soon as you do, cause then he looks like he feels even worse about it, wincing a little, and you were only saying something just to say it.

“I might have some at my place,” he says, more like an apology than a real offer of anything. “I guess we could stop by on the way back.”

You wave him off. “Don’t worry about it.” 

There’s this sandwich place by your work, which you like more than any other sandwich place you’ve ever been to, and you never really have any excuse to go there, so in a way this is a blessing, you know. No bread, what a shame. Bologna and extra cheese please. 

“We gotta think of some other place to go now,” you say, messing with the loose thread in your jacket pockets, while Johnny messes with the cigarette he’s not bothering to light yet. 

Probably planned on smoking it while you were in there shopping. Now he’s just tapping the end of it on his thigh, then flicking it round, and tapping with that end too. Which is a little more fidgety than he usually is, now that you’re thinking about it. 

“Did something happen today?” you ask him, cause no matter how he tries to fix his face, it never looks right. Looks like his mind's somewhere three miles behind you in the road still, and with the tapping, and the tiredness. Yeah, you don’t need to be one of those brain doctor guys to work it out. You don’t even need to know him the way you do. Any Joe could look at him and think something was up, some way or another. 

“Something like what?” he says.

You wait some more. You’re not feeling like knocking around the bush about it.

“S’okay,” he goes on. “Just somethin’, some trouble the other day. Last week. Still sitting on my mind a little, is all.”

Which is a long time for anything to be sitting on it, and you saw him two days ago, but he looked fine and said nothin about it then. So he’s either lying, or real good at hiding things, until he can’t hide them no more. “Wanna talk about it?” you ask.

He shakes his head.

“Wanna talk about it in a way that’s not really talking about it?”

He puffs a big breath out of his nose, then his head goes back and away like you’re bothering him, or something. “Come on,” he says. “No is no, you know how it is.”

But sometimes how it is and how it should be aren’t really working out, you know, and today you’re feeling like reminding him of that.

You move forward until you’re standing right in front of him, and cause he’s sitting and leaning the way he is, that means he’s looking up at you now. And with his legs crossed at the ankles the way they are, they’re going straight between your knees like some big lazy bean pole. Which you figure puts him right where you want him.

“You know you don’t always have to keep me in one hand, and club stuff in the other,” you say. Which is what this is really all about, if he felt like saying so. “I can mix with anythin and anyone, Johnny.”

“I know that.” He rubs a palm down over his face, then shrugs and says, “But I don’t want you mixing with it.”

“Why not?”

“Cause it’s not—you don’t need all that.”

“I think I do.” Cause he is all of that, not just cause he’s club president, but because he’s Johnny, and the club, the guys, it’s all a part of him—and yeah, sure, you’re really starting to need him, alright, which means needing all of that, too. “I can handle it.”

His face pinches a little like he might’ve stood on something sharp. “You don’t even know what you’re asking for.”

“Oh, like you and Brucie are running some big scary gang or something. Come on, Johnny.”

You’ve not met Brucie yet, not properly, but from what Johnny says, he’s as normal as anyone. An electrician that helps him count dues and wire up telephones. Johnny’s right hand and best friend, it’s cute, yeah, and no different from anyone else they run about with. Whatever he’s painting to try and scare you off, you’re not buying it. You might’ve in that pizza place that one time, but now? 

He sighs, looking even more tired than he was when you started pecking at him. “It’s not…it’s just things you got no interest in, you know. Stuff you don’t wanna waste your time on.”

“How’d you reach that conclusion?”

His chin flicks up. “Well, look at you."

And you do, you look down your front and your jeans and the boots you never wore until you started riding with him. “What? I need to buy a leather jacket first?”

When he laughs, you can tell that he wishes he didn’t, but he can’t help it as much as you can’t stop your mouth from saying the things it does sometimes. 

“You know, my mom’s on some crazy pilgrimage right now,” you say. 

Then Johnny does what anyone would do and says, “What?” like you started speaking a different language mid-sentence.

“Yeah, said she was going to San Francisco for a little while, to see some guy and learn some yoga, or something. But now she’s in Europe, trying to be one of them, I don’t know, sort of spiritual guide people, and going place to place looking for something she can’t even explain to me.” You clear your throat from the little frog in it. “Which isn’t the point,” you say.

His head shakes like he’s lost. “What is the point?” he asks, impatient in a kinda charming, sort of irritating way. 

“The point is, she’s a funny sort of person, and before she was doing all that, when I was a kid, you know, she was always moving us about and stuff. Always dragging me along with her when I was too small to be doing things like that.” You fold your arms and Johnny don’t say nothin, so you carry on a little. “We were going all over the country, near enough, and staying with all sorts of people that I never saw more than once.”

He frowns. “What for?”

“You’d have to ask her that yourself.” Cause you and her got a real sweet understanding lately, one that means you don’t ask her why, just as long as she don’t make you feel bad for not wanting to do what she wants anymore. Best sort of deal you two have ever come up with. “All I’m saying is, I saw some real weird shit before I even learned how to read eight letter words. And I bet you not one thing about that club of yours would surprise me. Or scare me, or whatever it is.”

He nods slow like he’s thinking about it. Which you figure is him being nice, cause he’s probably only nodding to buy him time to work out what to say when a person says something like that, admitting something personal that no-one likes hinting at, you know. Like Moms not being very good moms when they ought to have been. Like kids not getting to be kids, and stuff.

“See, I’m not worried about that part,” he says. 

Well. That sweeps you right off your feet almost, cause you figured that was his whole deal. “You’re not?”

One of his hand wanders up your leg til it’s sitting on your hip, with his thumb through the belt loop there. “I’m thinkin, you’re gonna take a look at one of those guys and realise you picked the wrong one,” he says. “Ugliest one you could’ve,” he says.

Which is a load of hot, steaming horse crap. So you laugh, and he’s looking at you that way he does when he gets you to throw your head back like that.

“Don’t do that when I’m being serious,” you tell him, trying to stop yourself from smiling, but not really stopping at all. 

“Who’s not being serious?”

“What is it really?”

“Just what I said,” he insists. But he’s smirking in his eyes so you know that he’s lying.

“Johnny,” you say.

“Benny,” he says back.

You stop. “What?”

“That’s what it is,” he says, “I don’t want you meeting him.”

Suddenly this guy's a real comic, who knew? You prod a finger into the meat of his shoulder, scoffing at him. “I took you for a lot of things, Johnny, but I never took you for a man who’s gonna worry about losing out to someone like that. Benny or no Benny.”

That hand on your hip squeezes you a little, and pulls you in closer than you already are. “Yeah?” he says, smiling cause you’re feeding his ego now, and you don’t mind one bit about doing it.

“None of those guys are even my sort,” you tell him. “Wouldn’t pay them no mind, even if you never existed.”

At that, he kisses you in a way that feels like a reward, though you can’t figure out which one of you’s is winning. It’s all short and sweet and soft against those lips of his, and just when you're thinking like he might take it somewhere further, cause his hand’s sliding round to the back of you, he pulls away and looks right into your eyes. And you’re so close together, you’re sorta going cross-eyed to look back at him. 

“You really wanna get involved?” he asks.

“Yeah, I really do.” 

“Even if it’s not pretty, or whatever?”

“Even if it’s the ugliest thing in the world,” you say. “M’tired of only getting half of you.” 

He nods, and it’s so slight you wouldn’t have even noticed if his chin didn’t budge against yours, stubble scratchy and forgiven for it. “Alright, then.” 

You lean back to put some air and sense between the two of you. “Really?

“If it’s what you want,” he says, like it was always that easy.

Yeah, it’s what you want, you tell him, in a sort of a way. In a kind that has that little bike stand screaming for help kinda way. Kissing him so much, he don’t know whether to push you back, or lie down on that seat and let it all happen. 

And then that’s that, you guess, flood gates lifted. You get to know about club stuff, as long as Johnny don’t mind you knowing, and he don’t seem so reluctant to have them meeting you no more. On the way home, he’s even telling you which ones of them you’ll like, which ones you’ll not like so much, and which ones you don’t need to bother getting to know at all—and you figure that means they’re a real extreme version of one of those other two categories, so you listen real close to that part. 

You don’t ever find out what was getting him looking tired that way, not really, but he does say they’re opening a new chapter now, after some debating about it. Which sounds like something that’d be a real headache to sort out, so you figure that must’a been it. 

It’s also how you find yourself invited to one of those picnics of theirs, whatever that means. The first one where this chapter and Milwaukee’s chapter are all getting together, a real big one, apparently. So naturally you says you wanna go and Johnny says alright. Alright, you know. 

Pick you up early next Saturday, he says, cause apparently you gotta ride for a while, and these things go from when the first bike arrives til the last one leaves again. Johnny’s gotta be there for all of it, of course—and you’ve just fixed yourself to the back of him like one of those old reliable saddlebags of his—so you gotta be there too. And, well, you’re really sort of excited about it.

~~~~~~~~~~

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