#I’m gay though so women already don’t affect me

[onlyoneofyongsoo]

Why BUB actually fits into OOO's catalogue

Bump Up Business has been criticised for many things, and don’t get me wrong, it’s far from perfect, but there is one question I have heard a lot: “Why did OnlyOneOf of all people choose to do this? Doesn’t this show play exactly into the thing we have been defending them of?”

My own answer to this is yes and no. But let me explain. 

In this I will not be discussing what the writers had in mind, because I don’t know them. But I’ll talk about why I think it makes sense OnlyOneOf would tell this kind of story, whether they actually had any say in choosing this drama or not.

The main argument for most peoples' criticism I’ve seen is “This show is about/glorifying queerbaiting.” But is it really? Both of the characters are already queer. Jihoon has dated at least one man and is very aware of his own sexuality. Eden is quickly established as being very insecure in his own sexuality, not because he’s straight, but because he’s queer and finds that hard to accept. So the show is about queer characters. 

Okay, so how does the queerbaiting fall into this? Obviously there is queerbaiting present. Their company practically forces them to do it. Eden is very reluctant, but agrees after the company gives him an ultimatum. Jihoon is less reluctant, but also in a tight spot. He has fallen off and this is seemingly his last chance to save his career, something he wouldn’t give up even for the man he loved. So the characters take no pleasure in the queerbaiting, but is it a problem to them? Yes, actually. It is made clear that they have trouble telling apart what is real feelings and what’s just work. In episode 4 for example Jihoon asks Eden if he is struggling with their concept after Eden revealed how insecure he is in his sexuality. The question comes from a place of caring and honesty. Eden then answers that he is okay because it’s "just work". Since emotions and their hidden identities are now part of their work it gets all muddled and confusing for them. 

You might say now “But that’s not the problem with queerbaiting! They’re leading their fans on!” And from a fan’s perspective I agree. They are leading them on. But this isn’t about fans, this show is about idols. What would it be like for a queer idol to work in an industry where you are urged to act queer but to never be queer? How would that affect your personal life?

In the drama the queer characters hide their identity. Even after Hyunbin spread these awful rumours about Jihoon, they don’t reveal their relationship. Evidently having rumours about being with women is still better than revealing that you’re gay. The entire time they keep any real relationships under wraps. 

On top of that, in a way Eden has to out himself for his job. Even though he of course isn’t allowed to be actually queer, acting this lovey-dovey with another man in public sure must feel like he’s coming out and he is clearly uncomfortable with that. Interviewers and netizens are constantly questioning their relationship as well. Are they gay? Are they straight? Do they naturally act that way? Is the company forcing them? Having all your actions be scrutinised and dissected like this, especially as a closeted queer person is terrifying. 

Once again I’m not claiming that the writers wanted to represent queer idols’ struggles, but I think you can understand how this might be able to be read that way, especially by idols themselves. 

Now how does this fit in with OnlyOneOf’s usual work, besides the obvious queer element? For that I’d like to remind you of June 2022. That is the month we started off the undergrOund idOl project. If you’re like me, then that name probably made you question it. What does it mean? I remember theories about it being about struggling as a relatively unknown group and things along those lines. Luckily they gave us hints in several articles by letting us know that the series is about “the inner side of idols who shine on stage”. Okay, cool! So is it about struggles with fame? Like a glimpse behind the mask? Let’s look at the videos! Hm… Not much about idol life here actually… They’re all just.. queer? How curious. Almost as if they want to highlight the queerness so many idols or celebrities have to hide?

So OnlyOneOf, a group whose behaviours and sexualities are constantly being dissected and who is famous for telling and highlighting genuine queer stories, even connecting those stories to what idols have to hide, choose a drama that is about queer idols who have to navigate their queerness in an industry that demands “fake queerness” but has no room for real queer people. This doesn’t actually seem that surprising to me. Does it to you?

Last comments:

I don’t think that BUB is a critical masterpiece tastefully portraying the harsh reality of queer celebrities. I think that the producers and writers did not do a good job and that OnlyOneOf’s own work is a lot better. But I can absolutely see how this story fits into the larger picture and why this could be appealing to them. I don’t know if they even had any say in doing the drama to begin with. But I just wanted to provide a different point of view. Maybe someone found this interesting at least <3

[mayormimii]

For the character ask game! I thought for a long time who exactly to ask (I was rushing between all the young Mistresses), but I decided to choose Clara!!

7, 8, 14, 18, 21

Hi, Saya!! Of course I’m happy to chat about second-generation Mistresses, including our little clawa

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to [Clara] that you like?

I will always “teehee” at Clara memes, this one by rat-prophetess has been my most quoted since last May

When Clara’s included in Termite content on the sheer principle that she’s a teenager. So sweet.

When fans remember she can sometimes get along with the other Healers, even when she’s depicted as their occasionally annoying sister.

When artists keep the gap between her upper-front teeth or give her shaggy hair

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to [Clara] that you despise?

“Despise” is a strong word I'd only use for the time a guy called Clara Burakhovsky’s adopted daughter (with Artemy as the “jock” and Dankovsky as the “gay nerd”); I know Clara would strangle him for the mere association.

Oh, but I do despise when fans neglect the fact that she’s as much Artemy and Dankovsky’s doppelgänger/soulmate as they are each other’s, though I can imagine why some are wont to neglect that.

The following’s less offensive since her personality’s subjective, but I don’t enjoy when writers/artists refuse to ground her in teenaged-girlhood or neglect to distinguish her from her eldritch sister as a person. A prime example of the former is that line in which Bad Grief asks if she’s looking for patterned stockings or a doll house just to irritate her. I love that she’s modeled after a developer’s younger sister, and I want her to remind me of girls I know, between her desires or her affection for specific people rather just ‘humanity’ as a hazy whole. We already have two protagonists who are men, and have certain relationships to women/womanhood specific to them, so it would be nice to appreciate the aspects of Clara that men can't necessarily relate to (but are still resonant to many people). I believe she loves the Saburovs, or at least wants their love—but some fans treat her like an angel of death only out for their blood. I also think she’s friends with some of her Bound, but she’s often depicted in isolation unless it’s to call the other two Healers idiots.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to [Clara].

As she already is? Clara is *so* '90s grunge and the reason I refuse to believe the game is set anytime before c.mid-1960s. If you asked me to dress her in another subculture, she’d pull off cyber grunge, fairy grunge, or 2000s olderbrothercore. My Pinterest board makes her look like a ‘Messy French It Girl’ sometimes, which is so appropriate for our Jeanne d'Arc

An artist once drew her with a long skirt, but in a ‘hobo in the colder months’ way, and it’s easily my favorite art of her.

18. How about a relationship [Clara] has in canon with another character that you admire?

Whoa, “admire” specifically? Well, I admire—even envy—Clara’s dynamic with older men such as Vlad Sr, Victor, Rubin, Bad Grief; how easily they come to treat her like a younger sister or daughter.

Her animosity toward Andrey and the debate they have is the reason I began to like him.

But one of my favorite relationships is the one she shares with Tot that brings out her tender, nurturing side.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for [Clara], what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I enjoy detailing Clara’s private, cozy moments in the Rod with her parents, talking about the meals they share and what she wears (you might remember an instance in which she borrows her father’s pajamas since she hates itchy nightgowns), how her room is arranged, and what it means to be Katerina’s heiress (such as becoming well-versed in the town’s intrigues).

I don't enjoy writing about her sister, who (I believe) represent the aspects of Clara that soured my opinion of her during the Haruspex route, or inevitably addressing how mercurial her personality is, which should make Clara feel real but only makes her feel surreal: more like an idea or symbol than a grounded, relatable person. In the end, I tend to ignore that and focus on how she was in my playthrough.

The rest is difficult to articulate, so I pulled pins from my board & a song which hopefully offer an idea of how I want to portray her/what I want to see from others’ future portrayals:

As always, thanks for asking! <3

[sebstooqueerforthis]

Sebastian’s Introduction

I’m Sebastian, also called Seb, Sebby, Bastian, Seabass, and any other alternatives. I don’t have a preference. This is my blog for me to post random stuff, be funky, and find funky friends. Welcome!

About Me (Queer)

I’m a transguy, and I experience several other genders. Xenogenders, masculine/guy-aligned genders, and nonbinary genders. A lot of them are fluid, but on some level I am always a guy.

I use He/They/It/Any Neos pronouns. I don’t have a preference, but I would appreciate/prefer if you mixed them up when using them for me.

I’m AroAce, Aromantic and Asexual strictly, and I am Onealterous (I just say gay for this one usually), Oneexteramo (I also say gay for this one usually), Panqueerplatonic, Pansensual, and Panaesthetic (+ Panfamilial & Panplatonic).

I’m Polyamorous, and new to polyamorous relationships. I do have two boyfriends, @corbinsthinkingcap (He/Him) and @imin-lovewithaboy (He/Him).

I’m heavily T4T-leaning, and a lesboy. My attraction towards women/women-aligned/feminine/feminine-aligned people is queer, but I don’t consider myself a lesbian.

About Me (Neurodivergence + Disabilities)

I’m heavily Neurodivergent and disabled in many different ways.

I’m Autistic, ADHD (Combined Type), have OCD (Pure O Type), APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)(Avoidant Type), C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder), Misophonia, Trichotillomania, Alexthymia, PDA (Pathological Defiance Disorder, otherwise known as Persistent Drive of Autonomy), and Dermatillomania. I am in the giant process of diagnosing all of that, and a lot of them are medically recognized.

I have diagnosed GAD and MDD.

Because of a lot of my neurodivergence, I struggle with executive dysfunction a lot, eating, drinking, self-care, socializing, interacting, and a lot more. It all disables me greatly, even if I am most likely considered “high functioning” by society/allistics.

I have a multitude of suspected chronic illnesses: hEDS, POTS, Gastroparesis, IBS, & more.

Even though they are not diagnosed yet, and I am still currently in the process of diagnosing them, I am most definitely disabled from them. I am already treating them as well with Physical Therapy.

I experience chronic pain, chronic headaches, chronic fatigue, chronic dislocations & subluxations, daily nausea, daily pre-syncope episodes, frequent & easy bruising, sprains, even more disabling flare ups (where all of my symptoms become significantly/noticeably worse), and a lot more.

I am an Ambulatory Mobility Aid User, and plan on getting a wheelchair in the future.

I’m diagnosed with celiac disease, a dairy allergy, and have loads of allergies to different things otherwise too. Assume most things I cannot eat.

About Me (Nonhumanity)

I’m very Nonhuman. I’m Transspecies, Humanfluid, Voidpunk, Otherfix, Otherflicker, Polytherian, Otherkin, and Otherhearted.

I am also a Physical Nonhuman in the way that since I am nonhuman, so is my body.

I don’t often experience phantom shifts of any kind, and I more experience species dysphoria and euphoria.

I have some gear (one tail, in the process of making some masks, etc.), and I do quadrobics VERY occasionally, because it’s dangerous for me to do with my suspected health conditions.

About Me (Other)

I’m a Dual Faith Polytheist, and I’m currently working with Apollo, Lady Aphrodite, Lord Hades, Lady Persephone, Artemis, Loki, Hecate, and Athena. I’m currently worshipping all except for Hecate and Athena, although I’m hoping to make an altar and start worshipping Athena soon.

I have one sibling (Any Pronouns), and they’re the coolest ever. I won’t be tagging him since she doesn’t use tumblr that much.

I enjoy drawing, creating things, painting, writing, jewelry-making, and a multitude of other things.

My Special Interests are Wings Of Fire, Harry Potter, Dragons, My Boyfriend, and Neurodivergence + Disabilities.

My Current Hyperfixation is probably craft stuff and my boyfriend.

I’m a reality shifter, and have shifted way too many times to count, and all to parallel realities.

I have a few other accounts, but the only other one I’m active and actually on is @sebs-out-of-spoons.

And no DNI really, I will block who I block if I find we don’t align on stances in any way. Just assume you’re welcome until you aren’t. <3

[joys-of-everyday]

I just watched ContraPoint’s Twilight and so clearly, I need to write about BL. She even told me too! (2:42:40)

Firstly, if you know anyone who goes “why is BL so xxx (derogatory)”, this is an excellent video to point them to. Yes, it’s 3 hours long. That is how thoroughly it defends BL Twilight.

Secondly, I don’t particularly want to discuss whether I agree or not with the finer details of every statement Natalie makes. In broad strokes, it is an excellent video.

I hope from point 1, 2 it’s clear that I don’t want to reiterate too much that the video covers, so if you have time to do anything, I recommend going to watch it. That being said, I think there are interesting points to go deeper with the slightly different perspective of BL, so I’ll jot down some loose thoughts.

DHSM

So apparently… Twilight is yaoi coded? I’ve never watched or read Twilight in my life so maybe I’ve been sold the wrong impression.

Yaoi, and then BL, has always been constructed on narratives of power and its subversions. Pio makes an excellent post here linking to a neat interview which covers, from a different perspective to Natalie (who focuses on straight romance), some of the conversations around power and fantasy.

Natalie defines a framework in which this narrative exists: Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism, or DHSM (1:26:47). This is a series of dichotomies that are often associated to each other: masculine, active, subject, lover, dominant, top… vs feminine, passive, object, beloved, submissive, bottom… Yes. It’s seme vs uke, gong vs shou. The criticism and defense of such narratives have been well-trodden, and Natalie gives a good account. I’ll leave that for now.

What I find interesting, and what Natalie mentions, is the natural scope of BL to subvert DHSM itself. Notable is the myriad of tropes that seek to subvert the common dichotomy – the feminine seme, the muscular uke, the younger seme, and so on, so forth. Or works where both parties play the roles of gong and shou – WWX’s active pursual of LWJ’s affections… hell, almost the whole of MDZS is LWJ being reactive to what WWX does, flipping the dynamic in its entirety.

But I think that even in its most standard, vanilla DHSM version of BL is already subversive of these expectations. The almost infamous “but I’m a man!” uttered so often by the uke when faced with the affections of a man (wow, gayness, how terribly exciting) can be interpreted as mild homophobia, yes, but it occurs to me now that it is a subtle marker of agency. The uke is surprised to be the object of desire. And thus we learn that object/beloved is disjoint from womanhood, even if the work doesn’t go as far as to untangle it from femininity.

Is that surprise in itself referencing the default view that men are not objects of desire (women are), and therefore problematic? Who knows. Then again, it do be the case that you can’t comment on a thing without presenting the thing. (*cough* Scum Villain *cough*)

Ah Power

“Is it really fine though?” says Natalie, halfway thought the video. (1:23:07)

I’ve defended BL to the moon and back. I still would. But always there is a little person sat in the back of my mind reminding me of all the moments I cringed. The overwhelming DHSM, the casual misogyny, the slightly bizarre takes queerness… Don’t get me wrong, there exist BL works flying in egalitarian gay space communism, and BL isn’t like… uniquely bad among media despite the frequent bashing it gets (have you watched the average shonen?). But I like BL. That’s why I know intimately all the issues it has.

My gay male friends tell me that BL often disappoints them because it’s not reflective of their experiences. Fair enough. I think a lot of BL (by the nature of what it is) is on the whole reflective of female (and Asian) experiences/perspectives. While I have no intention of telling anyone what they can and can’t write, it… idk, feels strange, that so much of society’s perspective on gay men (overwhelmingly so in Asia, and increasingly so in the West) is shaped by… not gay men.

Food for thought.

Another question that sometimes strikes my darkest hours is… why yaoi and not yuri? Why BL and not GL? Well it turns out that a lot of women (the main target audience, if you weren’t aware by now) are into men (Surprise!), so I guess that’s not particularly surprising. Then again, it seems reasonable to think there’s an element of wanting a blank slate. Woman is Other, said idk… Beauvoir. For a woman to woman, there must be a reason she womans. A female character cannot exist without navigating – explicitly or implicitly – social structures that work against her. Even a world that removes those barriers with the good old worldbuilding becomes commentary on today’s society. And ngl, the last thing I want to be thinking about when reading my escapist fantasy is the unfortunate circumstances we live in (*big sigh*).

Is that internalised sexism? Should I think deeply about my biases and my apparent inability to think of women as just people? Maybe. Sorry, my political correctness is not high on my mind when reading smut.  

The seen seen, the desire desired

Who are you attracted to in BL? Some say you (the obviously female reader)(I’m feeling exceptionally sarcastic today, but I realise this doesn’t translate well to text) are meant to relate to the uke and feel attraction towards the seme. From experience… this doesn’t track. Often because erm… the audience of BL isn't all straight women it turns out.

But an interesting point that Natalie raises is the capacity for a reader to relate with characters in what are perhaps unexpected ways (cf Part 6: Identity). BL often jumps between the perspective of seme and uke. If straight fantasy gives women the opportunity to relate with both the desire and desired, then BL gives the capability of being everything at once – the powerful beloved, the pursued subject, the desire desired - through both the uke and seme. After all, how common is the sentiment “I don’t know if I want to fuck him or be him”? (I’m gonna digress and say I don’t think people mega-braining multiple POVs as they read BL, but I will highlight the way BL tends to portray both parties as loving and beloved.)

There’s something inherently voyeuristic or polyamorous about BL. Natalie states that blank slate characters are blank slate as to not generate envy – blurring the identity of the uke enough that they become indistinguishable from the reader. This is not the template of BL. The uke is often just as developed, if not more developed in character than the seme, with the reader’s capacity to relate to multiple POVs meaning they can see the uke from the outside, as separate, as object, as Other. Either the reader disappears in the narrative, everywhere and nowhere at once, or is tucked between them (“I want to fuck/be fucked by both.”).

Representation

In general, I prefer to be excited about what we do have rather than nitpicking the individual. Works that subvert tropes, tropes that subvert tropes, authors trying to better understand the queer community, conversations around what media representation we want to see etc. etc. get me excited. BL broadening its scope from escapist smut fantasy (tbc, nothing wrong with that) to more “mainstream” slice of life/fantasy type works is something I welcome. Some bits of BL fandom have been some of the nicest I’ve seen. It’s a community that I think is special, and whether I think media should be child friendly aside, I think it has the capability to be a really positive influence.

It strikes me that while BL isn’t reflective of the most standard gay male experience… it is, in some way, a gay male experience.

And I say this in a way that is literal for me and my trans brethren, but also maybe this is true more broadly, in an abstract sense. Natalie suggests that women relate to big, hulking alpha men in romance with a masculine element of themselves. When/if you relate to characters in BL, do you relate to them with a masculine element?

Well, not always and not everyone, and the gender of the characters themselves are often more complicated. ig what I’m trying to say, is that BL might not seem like an accurate reflection of the world to some, but it is a reflection of something, and maybe we should value that.

And as a final remark, I don't think anyone needs to intellectualise their interests as hard as I sometimes do. Keep enjoy what you're enjoying. You're doing great :)

[juniperhillpatient]

I finished Yellowjackets and I already miss it! Any recs for what to watch to fill the void?

Omg I feel you every day of my life I miss Yellowjackets I wish I could watch it all for the first time again 😭

I don’t really watch that many shows so I’m terrible with recommending stuff 😅

If you want more depravity & complicated awful female villains & anti heroes with complex toxic sapphic dynamics Hostel 2 is my go to but you do have to watch the first one to understand it & I love the first one myself but it is very man heavy with characters lol

If you are really wanting to lean more into the messed up flesh consuming homoerotic codependent sapphic dynamic aspect specifically I’d recommend Ginger Snaps or Jennifer’s Body the main canon sapphic female relationships in both those movies are brain rotting in similar ways to JackieShauna. (Though Ginger Snaps gets incestuous so I know that’s as quick for a lot of people tread carefully)

Ooh as far as TV shows go you’d probably enjoy Killing Eve if you like Yellowjackets although that one the writing really goes downhill pretty badly so I do hesitate to recommend it unless you’re in it for the parts that are worth it & prepared for disappoint down the line…. Ugh but Eve & Villanelle are SUCH amazing characters!!

Dead to Me is another show that’s really good & far less depraved & more drama centric than the other stuff I’ve mentioned. However in my opinion the writing does go downhill but the first 2 seasons? Iconic. Not canonically gay like the other things I’ve mentioned but still a delicious dynamic between two complicated & somewhat crazy women.

Not in the same genre as my other recs but Bottoms is a great comedic movie if you just want crazy & sort of awful lesbians.

Oh —- ok last 3 recommendations. These ones don’t necessarily have the toxic crazy sapphic girlies element of YJ that I just assume is a big part of the draw (it is for me lol) HOWEVER they are some of my faves -

Hannibal. I love this show. It’s art. I don’t have anything else to say that hasn’t been said meow articulately by more hardcore fans. I watched this entire show in a fever haze when I had Covid so that probably affects my analytical ability but I promise it’s great. It’s also a little man heavy & the female characters could be… done better sometimes so that is a criticism I have that keeps it from being a number one fave for me but Hannibal & Will are VERY compelling & the plot & visuals are soooo good.

Scream mtv I honestly feel like you’ve seen this one I’m pretty sure but it’s a fave of all time & Emma/Audrey is one of my fave ships of all time. Excellent cast excellent writing it’s so good.

Bates Motel. This show is so slept on in fandom & it’s probably the best horror tv I’ve ever seen from start to finish it tells an amazingly cohesive prequel backstory for one of the most iconic villains of all time in a way that honors the book & film both of which I LOVE & somehow manages to stay fresh & shocking & exciting despite the audience knowing where it’s going. For quality horror tv I can’t recommend this show highly enough it’s honestly the best thing on this list on an objective level like the cinematography the fantastic acting from Vera Farmiga & Freddy Highmore especially but also Max Theriot & Olivia Cookie I just - I LOVE this show. Heavy heavy trigger warning though not just for incest which is inherent to a Psycho prequel but like…. Everything you could ever need a trigger warning for. There is a significant amount of SA shown so yeah be careful.

Anyway there you go you’ve probably seen a lot of the stuff on this list but this is what I could think of to watch next to somewhat keep the mood of Yellowjackets although of course we both know YJ is unique enough you’re never going to recapture that exact vibe 😉

If anyone else has recommendations also I’d also be curious! ❤️

Oh wait last thing my best friend Juliet Lewis plays another iconic traumatized girly with maybe worse daddy issues than Natalie even in Natural Born Killers. This is one of my favorite movies but it is NOT for everyone. You are signing up for unapologetic depravity & sympathetic serial killer villain main characters with a toxic relationship. Now for me those are selling points but it is a very messed up movie so yeah. Trigger warning for SA incest & basically every dynamic in the movie being the definition of toxic.

Okay that’s off the top of my head for watching after YJ I’m done now lol 🫶

****Edit I’m listening to music on my porch as I play on tumblr & I Know the End by my best friend Phoebe Bridgers came on & I remembered to recommend School Spirits it’s not exactly the same horror vibes of YJ but I just think you’d like it because it’s a delightfully creepy compelling & fun ghost story / mystery with absolutely wonderful characters fun cinematography exciting lore a good plot & a banger soundtrack ok I’m done now lmao go watch School Spirits it’s so great

[jackofsometrade]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 15:

season 4, episode 3, “Lazaretto”:

- my expectations are really low for this episode

- the last episode was so aggressively gay i’m just assuming this one won’t be

- unfortunate but here we are!

- ew i hate hospitals

- i love old nurse uniforms though

- elite fashion tbh

- morse in a wife beater agenda ‼️

- of fucking course joan called him from a goddam pay phone

- i’m IRRITATED 🗣️

- my tv is glitching the fuck out

- fixed it!

- anyways

- the head nurse reminds me of the sister in fleabag and i always think it’s her but it’s not

- and that’s my story

- morse uses the same body language with debryn that he uses with women he’s attracted to

- i’m just saying 🤷‍♀️

- the way everyone looks at the parrot is so fucking funny

- we are barely ten minutes into this episode and we’re already headed to the armory

- NO BRIGHT NO

- anyone but bright.

- you can kill ANY CHARACTER

- bright killed a tiger tho i’m pretty sure he’s immortal at this point

- no because listen

- debryn is perfect for morse

- IM SERIOUS

- he comes to the hospital immediately out of loyalty to the precinct and also because he knows morse is there alone

- he immediately tells morse who is in the operating room and that the surgeon is talented and morse doesn’t have to worry

- and then promises to go see what’s what for morse so he doesn’t have to wear himself out

- and THEN he brings morse’s mind back to the case hes working on because he knows morse copes by working and wants to take his mind off bright

- debryn knows all the ins and outs of morse’s brain and respects every facet of him and works in favor of him every time without fail

- hes fucking perfect

- i love him

- everyone loves bright so much i’m sick

- the head nurse reminds me of the evil lady from chicken run

- i hate this lady caroline

- she didn’t really do anything wrong in this moment with morse but like

- you are the mother of the woman who broke morse as a human being and forever scarred his perception of love

- and then ur gonna brag about what her new man is doing? just to rub it in that he “wasn’t good enough” for her and still isn’t?

- despicable.

- i don’t even wanna promote the queer aspects of that even tho it would be easy to

- because that was just fucking cruel

- and morse deserved better

- it cannot be comfortable for bakewell to have his arm cuffed up like that for that long

- they should do it lower for sure

- justice for winnie ‼️‼️‼️

- i love her i just want her to be happy

- trewlove is so worried about bright

- bright and trewlove 🤞🤞 i love them

- “We were engaged to be married. And then we weren’t.”

- THIS is why morse is the most relateable fictional character ever to me personally

- because he SIMPLIFIES this sort of stuff

- he could tell the whole story

- say what transpired and why she left and what he did wrong or didn’t do wrong and who she’s with now and why he became a cop instead of pushing himself and being happy

- but he says this.

- we were and then we weren’t.

- because all human experience can be taken as that.

- we are and then we aren’t

- and it’s all very simple

- and despite all the pain he feels and all the ways it’s affected his life

- he knows it’s as simple as that

- THIS FUCKING SHOW RAHHHSHEKFOSK 🦅🦅🦅

- the way that nurse mills keeps side eyeing morse

- girl calm down

- the way morse runs 💀

- go morse go! 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

- thursday should not have left bakewell and i stand by that

- even though nothing happens someone should have stayed with him to keep him safe

- but noooo 🙄🙄🙄 thursday has to care about morse and make sure he’s okay

- morse just visiting debryn for fun at this point

- monica 🥺🥺

- JESUS THURSDAY

- slamming his head against the brick wall is so wild

- unnecessary some might say!

- perhaps even… police brutality!

- which you’ve been suspended for!!

- every time i start to like him 🙄🙄

- oh my GOD monica is so beautiful

- “treat the next one better.”

- GET HIM MONICA

- both of them avoiding the question “are you happy?”

- final straw

- the way thursday just hates having brights job

- it’s so funny

- thursday loves winnie so much i’m SICK

- i’ll prolly never get married but if i do i want it to be like them

- the way this show handles mental health issues is like

- actually not that bad

- like 8/10 times they do a really good job

- especially given the time period

- he’s a murderer and all but bakewell is funny as fuck

- “i get the uncontrollable urge to murder nosy parkers 😡. ta for the grapes 🥰🥰!”

- like ok??!

- funny as fuck

- that picture of joan is absolutely foul

- just throwing it out there

- “i had a reverse charges call from leamington.” “wasnt me.”

- i hate her right now

- i know i said i loved her like two posts ago but i fucking hate her

- like she’s intentionally hurting these people and doesn’t care

- like how does she just not care how much what she’s doing is affecting the people in her life?

- i know she’s traumatized

- but ONE phone call to ur parents wouldn’t kill you 🙄

- i have 0 understanding of how she’s blaming herself for the death at the bank

- they didn’t know who she was until he was already dead

- like girl get it together

- “i don’t care.” “i do.” “you shouldn’t.”

- GIRL SHUT UP ‼️‼️

- pissing me tf off

- anyways 😐

- bright is so 🥺🥺

- just a little guy tbh

- GIVE BRIGHT CHILDREN🗣️🗣️🗣️ (he’s like 80 years old do not give him kids)

- what is this trend of bringing grapes to people in the hospital? is that something i should be aware of?

- goddam morse’s ex is RICH

- the way that people don’t like dr. powell because they think he’s a ladies man but he literally just wants to be a doctor 😭

- let my man breathe!

- the way susan was sick TWO YEARS AGO and morse looks worried like it’s happening right now

- “have you spoken to susan?” “yes. i haven’t mentioned you.”

- girl shut your bitchass up

- sick and tired of your classist bullshit

- this guy talking to corpses is so 🤨🤨

- NO BAKEWELL‼️

- what the fuck.

- how on earth is dr. powell working from 7:30 in the morning until after 3 in the morning the next day

- how does he function

- stop 🥺 the way morse turns his back before strange opens the trunk and then just peeks over his shoulder to look

- he’s a fucking pussy 😐

- KIDDING

- i’m obsessed w him and i truly believe his inability to look at the deceased is his most endearing quality

- thursday cares about morse sm i’m SICK

- NAUR THEYRE PUTTING BRIGHT IN BED TEN

- morse talking to the parrot is funny as fuck tbh

- morse is obsessed w debryn

- how the fuck did debryn notice a microscopic wound on someone’s ass

- he’d have to be STUDYING that ass

- wild!

- anywho

- i love the way morse talks to debryn and debryn talks to morse

- just two geniuses bouncing off each other 🥰🥰

- trewlove OUT OF UNIFORM coming to visit bright is so sweet

- it’s like he has a daughter

- i’m obsessed ✋🙄

- okay i was wrong. powell is a terrible person!

- the nurses are dramatic asf tbh

- i cannot imagine real nurses behaving this way

- oh my god susan’s dad died

- this could be my breaking point!

- i also would love to point out the fact that morse insists on formalities in most if not all situations, meaning he refers to people as “Ms./Mrs./Mr. ____”

- but he calls susan’s mom “Caroline”

- just her first name and nothing else

- like he and susan were engaged to be married

- like he really loved her and she maybe really loved him

- like at some point her parents loved morse and took him in

- like they treated him like family

- like they were excited for him to marry their daughter and therefore let him call them by their first names

- like they were close

- like a family

- everything about what happened between him and susan HURTS and idk how to handle it

- also i FUCKING HATE CAROLINE

- “I’m so sorry.” “Are you?” “Yes, of course. Edgar was always very decent to me.” “Well, he always had a weakness for failures.”

- like YOUR DAUGHTER LEFT MORSE

- not the other way around

- i fucking hate classism

- there’s a whole other analysis i could do of this whole situation that would be about his queerness and how it could play into all this but i’m like

- i fucking hate caroline

- she sucks so bad

- like the way she tells him the CHIEF CONSTABLE RUPERT STANDISH said he would never amount to much

- which already is bullshit because of his involvement with landesman and wintergreen, meaning that he was involved with the group who intentionally sabotaged morse and are still attempting to now (he died in the neverland episode so it’s not him directly anymore but still)

- and then says “You didn’t even pass your sergeants exam!”

- which is bullshit because she doesn’t know what happened and he can’t defend himself because it’ll make it sound like he’s making excuses for what she’s interpreting as failures

- “You see, I was right about you, even then.” “When you speak to Susan please give her my condolences.” “And your love.” “No. No. Look, whatever you may think of me, I am truly sorry he’s dead.”

- the DISGUST on his face when she says “and your love”

- i fucking hate her

- and morse deserved better

- it’s obvious that what happened is still tearing him up even now

- and that’s why he’s so sensitive about people leaving him (jakes, joan)

- and why he will always assume people he’s in love with or carries any love for are going to leave

- i fucking hate this show ‼️‼️

- two female murderer episodes in a row i am running my hands together like a little mouse

- this girl is wild for killing that many people tbh

- morse hugging her instead of dragging her away ☹️

- he’s so gentle i HATE IT HERE

- thank fuck bright lived

- idk how i would have reacted if something happened tbh

- i cannot believe the only shot we get of susan is from the back 😐

- okay for you tarot kids!

- intersecting the tower card with the death card usually has a lot of negative meanings. it represents suffering, typically by means of illness or pain of some kind

- the death card is a typically pretty happy card despite the connotation, but when combined with the tower card it’s p shit

- the tower card usually represents suffering or destruction

- combing the two cards doesn’t bode well for morse and it’s our first intersection in the reading we’re getting at the end of these episodes!

- so far we have sacrifice, union, and now a traumatizing ending of something resulting in suffering

- things are not boding well for our boy!

[afr0-thunder]

[Poor Chronicles Pt. 27]

Topics: Work (Manager/Male Coworkers)/Titties the Racist/Wants (Purchases)/Musical Wonders/Weed/Savings & Expenses/Clothing/Sex/The Fattest Ass/Money Management & Restraints/Social Media (Photography)/Super Bowl (AFC/NFC Championship)/Closing Thoughts

I found out the manager (who I said I’d never fuck), is in nursing school. I already knew this, but we were talking about her graduating and she said she’d be done in 2025. I asked how that’d affect her schedule and she said she “probably won’t be working here then”. I almost panicked. I was like, “How will I fuck this bitch before she goes on to her career?”, but then I thought, “…she’ll find me.”. Plus I think she talks a lot and wouldn’t shut up if we fucked. I could just wait until AFTER she leaves. I also thought, if she asked for my number, I’d lean in REAL close and say, “Are you gonna stop flirting with all these other niggas on the staff?”. One of the new young guys was talking to another new older guy (ex-convict) about how he might try to “shoot his shot” because he thinks she might be interested (told you she flirts with everybody). I didn’t say shit. He tried to somewhat speak in code because I was right in between them. I actually thought at one point she was just going to fuck the whole male portion of the staff, except the assistant coach (he’s gay, allegedly). I would’ve had to go first or dismiss it altogether. Desperation is killer. I only entertain this idea now because I want to nut in her pussy. I don’t want to get her pregnant, but it’s what I’m getting. I was considering just never making conversation with her outside of doing our job until I don’t work there anymore. If she fucks anybody else? Burn her at the stake.

In other news, Titties from work needs to formulate this game. We need a lot of time (I’m trying to fuck her a lot before I get any other bitches). Being racist is not enough to stop me from fucking the shit out of her.

I considered buying myself a TV and a new PlayStation for watching television, movies and playing video games to show them my interests and have fun. Then I thought, “Why would I do that?”. I don’t need to impress (or entertain) them. They need to see my REAL life. Being bored and horny in a bedroom. Let’s get to it, bitch. (CW has great series though).

I was wondering, “Does ________ still make music?”. Yes, Twista, Avant and Insane Clown Posse still make music. It just doesn’t receive as much mainstream attention as most artists do. Insane Clown Posse has the longest fucking discography I’ve ever seen in my life next to Chris Brown and fucking Juice WRLD. I am in for a show.

I also will resume purchasing weed next week. I will be caught up on the rest of the year’s monthly expenses by next week’s pay. I wanted to purchase a jacket from the new store I’ve been going to also, but my weed purchasing habits are unpredictable and far too rapid. It is also almost as much as I intend to spend on my weed. I, more than likely, will get the jacket this weekend. My savings earlier this year was $500. Guess what almost all of it ended up going towards when I didn’t think saving would matter? Correct. I will be done with purchasing clothing following this until further notice. I believe I am full on clothing, currently.

Since realizing I will resume fucking strange women and expanding my baby momma list, I’ve been seeing attractive women all throughout Chicago and on Tik Tok and think, “I need to just throw my dick away. This is getting out of hand. I’m not even horny. I just see someone new every day that I think, ‘I could fuck her too’.”. It’s overwhelming. I do not wish to have this many women to fuck. I was okay with a contained number of baby mommas. I was comfortable with expanding. I now feel like I will barely have time to manage my interests while doing so and creating time for all of these women consistently. Enough to create meaningful bonds with (most of) them, at least.

In addition to this, I stumbled upon this girl on TikTok I used to follow. Her page has gotten banned a few times. I found this one, but refused to follow for it to get banned again. Also seeing this much ass is ridiculous. Mentally crippling almost. She has the literal fattest ass for a white girl. I’m OBSESSED. I followed her again. Fuck it.

I look forward to seeing how I’ll manage monthly expenses in this time of crisis with our sales being down and these spontaneous purchases I am about to embark on. I know what I won’t be spending it on. Electronics. Monthly expenses, my newly acquired cellular service and weed will be quite interesting. I don’t intend to purchase weed in large quantities, so it shouldn’t take a toll on my pockets.

I feel it is about time to start posting pictures on social media once again. I’ve decided this will end the boredom since the traveling will be time consuming. I will miss the small amount of naps I got in. I never napped much as a child. Except my 4th birthday and this one time in 2007 on a plane. Everything else is a blur until college.

Eagles to the Super Bowl. Chiefs lost to the Denver Broncos. I have faith in the Ravens & Jaguars (who I forget can occasionally be good). Ravens more. Jaguars just have nice uniforms. Battle of the NFL’s newest teams.

My apologies for the lengthy post, I only had about 3 paragraphs in mind, but my sexual interests are reaching new heights that I am not willing to accept this. Some of these bitches likely have body counts higher than clouds and others have boyfriends. I don’t like my women in bed with other men. Yes, I still have a “Not a Chance in Hell” List. Not everybody needs their life fucked up like that.

- MH (2023)

[11/02/2023 - 7:43PM]

[love-is-patient]

I am not a theologian, a scholar, a pastor, or a Sunday school teacher - I’m just a Christian. If you earnestly wanted answers to these questions, you would be better served by asking more qualified people.

That being said, I’ll do my best.

Question 1.

“The concept of free will can’t exist because an all loving God would stop people from making bad decisions”

Let me ask you a question.

Have you ever had your agency taken away?

How did that make you feel?

Powerless? Resentful? Scared?

God wants a relationship with his creation. That relationship can only happen with consent. God doesn’t force himself on people. Forcing someone to love you isn’t real love at all.

Question 2.

Determinism has been a hotly debated topic since before the church even existed.

Do we really have free will if God already knows what’s going to happen? By that measure, we would all be pre-judged and are just waiting for the punishment.

So, what’s the point of life? Why does the Bible put such a heavy emphasis on our actions and our choice?

Because it does matter.

I argue that God is outside of time, but also viewing it like a stream.

I heard it said that life is a parade. God is watching from above, he can see where it’s going, but the parade still has to march forward.

Though, in my honest opinion, I find this argument to be a lazy distraction, because people would literally rather push things out to an incomprehensible cosmic scale than have to examine their own consciences for a minute.

Your choices do matter. They affect others. You can see that in your everyday life.

You have the power to make someone’s day or ruin it.

The fact you even have the ability to ask these questions points in favor of free will.

Question 3.

I would like to know which post you are talking about so I could give context.

But I will state my opinion plainly.

I do not hate gay people. They are no different than anyone else - we are all in need of salvation. I’ll be the first to say I’m a sinner.

That being said, I am morally opposed to gay culture. Edit: as well as mainstream hyper sexual culture, straight or otherwise.

I find it repugnant that children are being exposed to sexuality, kinks, and other degeneracy everywhere you look. Children’s movies, books, TV shows, schools.

And it’s not like the people doing this are even hiding it anymore.

Children should not be allowed in pride parades around adults in fetish gear with their genitals hanging out.

Furthermore, I find it horrifying that so many adults want to do this stuff around children.

1 in 4 women were sexually abused as girls. 1 in 9 men as boys. This promotion of sexuality as a lifestyle is enabling it and, worse still, teaching people to fetishize their abuse by making their sexuality a personality trait.

The sexualization and abuse of children is of Satan. The indulgent love of self- which is what capital P Pride promotes- is of Satan. Even before my faith I as a woman feel a visceral revulsion towards anyone who harms children.

First Corinthians 16:14 says “let everything be done in love”, this includes rebuke.

To be silent is to allow the harm to continue.

Gay people who don’t condemn this behavior are part of the problem.

So yes, I believe calling out this behavior is what God would want.

God loves you.

Don’t give up. You may not be able to see it right now, but things are going to get better.

Talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. Ask him for help. Help will come if you look for it, but it might not be in the way you want or expect.

But God will give you what you need.

[helpistolethesecharacters]

Down By The Docks

Bucky Barnes x Male Reader

Word Count: 1810

This is inspired by another request, from an anon this time.

The idea is a '40's AU. I wasn't totally sure if that meant they wanted a story totally set in the 1940's or something that just didn't reference the war, or pretended the war wasn't on/our characters aren't involved in the war, so I just picked one.

Hope this is what you wanted anon!

-------------

Bucky Barnes was one of the best looking fellas Y/n had ever laid eyes on, of that he was sure. It was only his second day working down on the docks, but he was sure he could happily spend the rest of his life working this menial job if the view never changed.

He was always quick with a smile for a pretty dame or even, Y/n had noticed, a particularly handsome fella.

Y/n had thought for sure he had imagined seeing his 'impressing a pretty dame' smile aimed at the bloke who had delivered a sack of letters to the area they were working in.

He would have written it off as the heat getting to him if not for that very same smile being directed his way later that day while they were all sitting around eating their lunches.

None of the other's seemed to have picked up Bucky's brazen flirting with both genders, or maybe they just didn't care. That last one seemed pretty unlikely though.

Y/n just hiked up a brow at Bucky the second time he shot him that pretty smile. He had no idea what to do with that. It couldn't be helped that it was illegal to be that way, that was just the way of the world.

--------------

Y/n was sure that Bucky was trying to kill him.

He had shown up to work wearing his standard work wear. Just the worn whites and browns of clothes that had been washed too many times but that you couldn't afford to throw out yet.

It just wasn't fair that the day was particularly warm, so everyone had ended up stripped down to their pants. All those half naked male bodies glimmering with sweat, the noises they made unconsciously as they lifted boxes full of cargo and moved them to where they needed to go.

And right there, in the middle of it all, Bucky Barnes. Poor Y/n had ended up being sent home from being 'affected by the sun'. It wasn't his fault dammit, Bucky had been parading around looking good enough to eat. Y/n was ashamed to find himself literally walking into poles and walls in his preoccupation with the half naked Bucky.

----------

Y/n sighed in relief. Tonight was going to be blessedly free of one Bucky Barnes, perpetual thorn in his gay side.

He was going out to a bar. It was an open secret that this particular bar was a gay bar. The cops in that area were happy to turn a blind eye to it largely because several of them were known regulars there.

That didn't mean you could just go about talking about it, or anything that went on inside it while you weren't there.

It was still illegal after all.

Y/n leaned back into his booth and sighed happily. A nice drink, some eye candy that wouldn't beat the crap out of him just for giving them the eye, and a little dancing ought to make his worries just float away.

Y/n had been looking forward to this all week.

Damn Barnes to hell and back.

Y/n moved over to the bar to order himself something silly. He was feeling the need for some ridiculousness tonight.

He had just taken his first sip of his drink when he spotted him. There he was, standing by the bar just a little ways down from Y/n, seemingly ordering a drink.

Y/n tried valiantly to not spit his mouthful of booze all over the bar. He had paid good money for that drink and he would be damned if he wasted it.

It didn't work very well. Some of it ended up coming out of his nose, and as he hacked up the parts of it that went down the wrong pipe to choke him, the rest dribbled down his chin.

'Well, that was attractive,' Y/n thought drily.

"Oh gosh, are you alright? Here, let me help."

Y/n turned watering eyes on the man addressing him.

He was met with a short blond who looked like a stiff wind could knock him over if he wasn't careful.

He was holding out a handkerchief and looking unsure of himself.

Y/n went to reassure the stranger that he was fine, but some small remaining part of the drink that hadn't been attempting to kill him before chose that moment to do so. Instead of words, he could only hack and cough, trying to get the liquid out of his lungs.

Y/n felt a hand on his back moving in firm circles, trying to help. He looked back over at the man to find him at his side frowning as he rubbed at Y/n's back.

When Y/n could finally speak properly he took the handkerchief, which had once again been offered, to clean his face of tears and spit and snot.

'Who'd have thought that alcohol burned so badly going into a person's nose and lungs?' Y/n thought disgustedly.

When he had cleaned himself up properly and turned back to his savior he suddenly realised he had no idea how to make this situation any less awkward.

The other man apparently had no such reservations.

"I'm Steve by the way. That looked pretty painful. Are you okay now?"

He was so earnest, and it didn't look like he was laughing at Y/n at all, so he could only nod vaguely.

"Yeah, I was just surprised by something. I'm Y/n, just so you know."

Y/n paused, feeling every bit as awkward as he ever had.

"Um, after that bit of excitement, I think I'm gonna call it a night. Murderous drinks aside it was nice meeting you. Can I clean this and bring it back here some time for you Steve?"

Y/n held up the thoroughly soaked handkerchief, cringing internally.

"Oh, don't worry about it, but are you sure you don't want to stay for a little bit longer? I'm here with my friend, but he's never very good company when there's dancing and alcohol involved."

Y/n mulled it over for a second, before manners kicked in.

"Yeah, no worries. I could stay for a bit longer, if only to save you from a lonely evening."

Steve's smile was sweet, but Y/n also couldn't detect anything else behind it. It didn't seem like he was trying to hit on Y/n, just that he didn't want to spend the night alone while his 'friend' danced the night away.

Y/n followed behind Steve as he led him over to the booth that Y/n had originally been sitting in.

Y/n stopped still at the sight of who was sitting across from Steve. Bucky dang-it-all-to-heck Barnes.

At their approach, Bucky turned away from the two women sitting with him in the booth. His handsome face lit up when he registered who it was standing in front of him.

"Stevie, there you are. I was starting to think you ditched me earlier than ever, but look what you found. I should bring you here more often."

Steve just gave Bucky a blank look.

Y/n couldn't blame him. If his 'good friend' had taken him out for a night of fun, he wouldn't have appreciated him looking at other guys that way either. He wasn't exactly backward in letting people know he was interested from the sounds of it.

Y/n stood awkwardly by the booth, not really sure if he should still be there. He had followed Steve to keep him company, but if it were him in Steve's shoes right now, he'd want him to leave.

"Um, I think I should probably head off actually."

Steve turned back to Y/n looking confused.

"Oh, well if you're sure. You don't have to stay if you don't want to of course."

Y/n refused to acknowledge the fact that Bucky was honest to goodness pouting. Was there anything in this world that was fair?

"Well, at least let me walk you out."

There would be no arguing apparently, as Bucky was already out of his seat and herding Y/n to the door.

"It was nice meeting you!" Y/n barely managed to turn to yell to Steve as he was pulled away by the ever insistent Bucky.

Once they made it outside Bucky paused and turned to face Y/n.

"Hey."

Y/n turned to face him.

"Gotta say, I'm gettin' a bit confused here."

Y/n frowned but stayed silent.

"When we met at work I thought you were pretty cute, but you don't hit on people down by the docks if you wanna live to see the next sunrise, you know? But then you were always starin' an I thought, maybe you mighta been interested. Then that day you kept walkin' into things happened and I was pretty dang sure you were."

Y/n was blushing by now.

'Great so he did notice.'

"But then I see you here."

Bucky had moved closer and lowered his voice, speaking softer.

"An, no offense to Stevie, but he's not exactly every guys dream-boat. You know, I don't even think he knows this is a gay bar."

He broke off here to chuckle quietly. He was standing so close, he was practically pressing Y/n up against the wall of the bar.

"But then you're actin' all stand-offish. Like you can't even bare to look at me. So, what's a guy to think?"

Bucky seems to realise how this might be coming across and pulls away to give Y/n some room.

"Do I got a shot with you Y/n?"

Y/n had been floating somewhere dreamy with Bucky pressed up so close to him, but when he pulled away, reality came crashing down. How dare he ask questions like that when Steve was in there waiting for him to get back?

"You got some nerve Barnes. You can't just ask anyone out. Not when you got a fantastic guy like that waiting for you in there!"

"Fantastic guy? What-"

Y/n cut him off before he could sweet talk his way out of this.

"Steve! He's sweet, and kind and probably way too good for someone who flirts with everyone on the block!"

Bucky was laughing, which Y/n thought was way out of line.

"Wha, Y/n, Steve's just a friend. He don't even swing that way."

Y/n's face lit up with the brightest blush he had ever felt. He was sure he was going to actually self-combust before long.

"Oh."

"Yeah. So is that why you looked at me like that?"

He moved closer again, and when he spoke that damned silver tongue was back.

"I would never. When I'm with someone, they're the most important person in the world to me. Besides, how could I ever look my ma in the face again if I treated my partner like that?"

Y/n blushed fiercely.

"So whaddya say? Give me a shot?"

Y/n could only nod, face still a brilliant red.

[tinycurlyfry]

Okay I think I’ll just compile my episode reactions together in one post. I don’t wanna fill my blog with numerous posts where I’m just liveblogging but also I can’t keep my mouth shut while watching these episodes apparently jgklsfg

Rambling stream of consciousness and reactions under the cut

Episode 987: 

...Kinemon why are we changing the plan? Why are you changing Law’s plan? I do understand why if it’s because he’s worried for Momo, but also it’s making me worried because they just showed people criticizing Kinemon’s lack of abilities in making good plans so I’m worried about him deciding to split up his forces.....

Sanji you’re on main. I’ll give your character more attention again when you’ve pulled yourself together. I’m glad there were no women for you in the pleasure hall. Remain bitchless.

Eustass Kid and Killer have me sobbing. I’m a puddle. I adore these two’s relationship. I adore Killer being stunned by how much love and support he’s being shown by his captain and the crew after feeling like he’s been ruined by Orochi. How Kid knows how much this is affecting Killer regardless of how quiet Killer is about the whole thing, and how willing Kid is to murder anyone who even so much as laughs at Killer.

Episode 988: 

Luffy angrily (who has, himself, also shattered the plan into a million pieces) : “GIZAO, STICK TO THE PLAN!” Kid: “Shove it up your ass!”

Okay I had to pause I was laughing so hard gjskflg I love them both so much. Also Luffy I’m actually gonna side with Kid on this one. You and Zoro got a pass on causing a scene because those assholes are intentionally wasting red bean soup while a little girl has to live her life starving and drinking polluted water to the point where eating a bowl of soup had sent her into tears. Kid absolutely gets a pass on tearing apart those who laugh at Killer.

Zoro: “It must be tough, having a captain so quick with his fists.” Killer: “No, it’s not. Kid is great.”

I’M GONNA SOB. STOP. I’M ALREADY DOWN ON THE GROUND. KILLER.

ZORO RESPONDING “Well, my situation’s not so different from yours.”

gay. gay. homosexuals. gay. God the first mates are so down bad for their captains. I love this exchange between them.

MARCO!!!!!!!!!! MARCO IS HERE!!! HELLO DEAR! ;;;v;;;;; I’m so glad he decided to come and help the Straw Hats and the Kozuki clan~ I just really really hope Whitebeard’s home does remain safe while he’s away. I was not going to fault him for wanting to be the guardian of Whitebeard’s last treasure. AND IZOU IS HERE!!! OH I’M GLADDDDD! My god he deserves to reunite with his sister after being being away from each other for over 20 years.

Momo. oh my poor boy. Baby hang in there. I hold this boy gently. He’s been through so much ;;;; Isn’t he like. 8 years old!? Yeah he’s 8 years old. My god. 

POLAR TANG!!!! HELLO MY HEART PIRATES! Look at them go~ Love Law’s complete faith in them. And how they’re also confident they can pull off maneuvering the Polar Tang in the dangerous currents. He is their anchor. 

Annnnnd, we’re back with Luffy and Zoro gjskjfg. Bless. “A dead end. You lost your way, didn’t you, Zoro?” GJSKFG I love his teasing Zoro but also... Luffy you’re standing right next to him. You’re as lost as he is. “No, We’ll just cut our path through.” “Okay, quietly though. We can’t ruin the plan.” Ah yes, just quietly cut down an entire wall inside the building. You two totally haven’t thrown the plan completely out the window already. God I love these idiots.

ENMA?!?! YOU GRAB *ENMA* TO QUIETLY CUT DOWN THE WALL?! Zoro I know you want to break in that sword and you’re obsessed with your new cursed spirit but- BOY. No.

Episode 989: 

Godspeed Chopper. Being chased by fucking Big Mom herself? Terrifying.

I am so fascinated by Kanjuro as a villain. Some so detached from any sense of self. Unable to form opinions. Just seeing all those years he spent as a samurai and protecting the Kozuki family being just a ‘role’ he was playing. God, One Piece and all their traumatized kids. I love how different Oda has had trauma change and shape them. those like Law and Corazon and Momonosuke vs Doflamingo and Orochi and Kanjuro. 

Izou you are so hot. That’s all I have to say about that brief conversation between the small whitebeard gang. Izou is just. Gender af.

OH OKAY, SPEAKING OF HOT APPARENTLY! Denjirooooo! Oh my god he’s so impressive. Love this man. Him slipping off his kimono to reveal the Kozuki crest on his back to reveal his identity to Sasaki, his former ally who trusted him? HOT. 

Chopper with a rocket launcher gjsklfg I also love that the very powerful gun on the tank Franky made sounds like a clown honk. Why. gjslkdjg okay but I do love this whole ‘fight’. It’s so wonderful and ridiculous. Hang in there buds ;;;;

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[emo-and-confused]

Headcannons based on @cb28 ‘s “ceo of many hotels tommy and hotel receptionist tubbo” au art (includes dysfunctional sleepy bois) (awesamdad)

-techno, wilbur, and tommy are phil’s kids

-(the three kids are adopted, techno was adopted when he was five, wilbur was adopted when he was four, and tommy was adopted when he was seven)

-techno is older than wilbur by two years and wilbur is older than tommy by eight years

-phil is this rich businessman. techno is some powerful leader. wilbur is a famous songwriter.

-then tommy owns a hotel

-he's still like 16/17 but he owns and manages it

-techno is the oldest therefore favorite and heir to whatever money and property phil owns

-tommy is least favorite. phil ignored him.

-then one day phil just gave him money and said "stop being a disappointment" so he started his hotel at 15

tommy: i’m going to build a hotel in rage

-then best friend tubbo who works there and is nice to tommy

phil: oh, theseus, my son. come, i was just telling my companions about your ho- who is that?

tommy: this is tubbo.

tubbo: hello :)

-wilbur being the normal brother and treating him like a normal person and taking him and tubbo to hang out and be kids

wilbur: tommy, let’s go get ice cream

tommy: wilbur, ive got things to do, paper work and, and shippments and-

wilbur: tommy.

tommy:

wilbur: let’s go. bring tubbo.

-tommy feels like he has to prove something to phil

-he also feels like he might be able to earn attention from him. that if he works hard enough phil will be proud of him

-wilbur’s music is what makes phil pay attention to him, but when he was a kid phil said his music was never going to be a stable source of income and actively encouraged other future job choices. this only made wilbur more focused on his music

-both tommy and wilbur feel the need to prove themselves

-tommy meets sam when starting up his hotel, and immediately gets attached

-sam is basically his guide, even after building the hotel. sam saw the child and went “yeah he needs parental guidance” and continued to stay in contact with tommy

-tommy is the one who gives sam the creeper mask. because sam is always working on construction and stuff and he's always inhaling debris and tommy likes minecraft so he gives it to him. sam adores it and wears it all the time.

-tommy totally calls him sam nook

sam: hey tommy! just building your hotel. i do need some more things for construction though... could you ship them over to me?

tommy: y'know this reminds me of a game my brother made me play over the holidays...

sam: ... uh,,,, what?

tommy: animal crossing! that's it. you're totally tom nook.

sam: alright, tommy.

-[over emails]

]Mr. Danger Careful Innit,

Could you supply more building materials?

Sincerely, Sam Nook

]Mr. Samuel Nook,

sure.

Sincerely, Tommy

-sam gets a very official hand written contract (the same one as the lore)

-he gets it and just goes with it (there’s a more real contract but tommy values his handwritten one more)

-sam signing it and tommy cheering and immediately going to text phil

sam: and... there you go! signed. :)

tommy: really??? ... YES!!! LETS GO!!! (calls phil and tells him)

-then tommy hanging up and smiling, then looking back over to sam.

tommmy: (clears his throat) um. my apologies. that was very unprofessional. thank you very much, sam.

-tubbo is the receptionist for the main hotel in the chain, (the one tommy is constantly at) but he basically becomes sort of a manager

-tommy sends him off to do multiple jobs throughout the day, and tubbo does them with only little complaint

tubbo: you know i’m not room service right?

tommy: i don’t remember asking

tubbo, already holding the room order: this isn’t my job tho-

tommy: and yet here you are, doing the job

-tommy pays him more than everyone else though, but tubbo doesn’t know that because tommy won’t let him see the usual staff paycheck

-tubbo is half a year older but his parents are constantly away on buisness trips so he is often home alone and has to take care of himself

-tommy is not good with showing his affection, the only one in his family to do so was wilbur. phil just kind of threw money at him on holidays and ignored him the rest of the time, and while techno was a lot more attentive to him, he wasn’t the best at affection either

-when tommy started making money with the hotel, (how very successful hotel chain), to show tubbo he cared he just started offering to buy him things

tommy, upon finding out tubbo likes bees: you know i could buy you a bee sanctuary if you’d like?

tubbo: tommy no-

-tubbo teaches him that money isn’t the only form of showing you care. it’s a long process

tommy: so you’re saying i shouldn’t buy sam a private engineering lab for his birthday?

tubbo: i know for a fact sam wouldn’t know how to accept such a gift and that he’d rather you close the hotel for a day and take him to play laser tag

tommy: ...okay but what if i do that and buy him a private engineering lab?

tubbo:

-the dream team are bell hoppers.

-tommy gets hate for being that young and successful

-the dream team are like “stfu i'm proud to be working for a very successful 16 yo how dare you" and go off on every rich person who says something about tommy’s age

they're still streamers. they just don't tell tommy. (tommy totally knows tho, he’s a 16 year old kid who plays minecraft and animal crossing, ofc he knows they’re video game streamers)

dream: hey tommy-

tommy: yes? is there a reason you're barging into my office?

dream: .. is that... animal crossing music? are you playing on a switch?

tommy: no!! i'm signing very important and legal documents!!! if you have nothing to say, get out!!

dream, to sapnap and george: he’s totally playing animal crossing.

-tommy makes them greet people at the doors and carry peoples bags purely because they’re famous. they don’t know this though

-they don't think tommy knows. tommy and tubbo think it’s hilarious. tommy hints it all the time that he knows but they just think he's being a kid

-quackity is on sam’s building/contracting team

-even after the hotel is built, q comes in to "check up" on the building with sam. and they "make sure nothing is going wrong with the building"

-they really just want to make sure tommy is okay under so much pressure

-wilbur totally has tubbo’s schedule and knows when tubbo’s on break, he can usually be found with tommy in tommy’s office

-wilbur will just barge in and be like “okay let’s go, you need a break”

-one time wilbur came in while sam and quackity were there

wilbur, barging in: kay, tommy, tubbo, let’s-

sam, mid lecture with tommy: you can’t keep doing this!

quackity, also scolding: you need to take a break, man.

tubbo, who noticed wilbur come in: wil! tell tommy he needs to go to bed and sleep! he hasn’t slept in twenty seven hours!

tommy, from his desk, with his head in his hands and leaning over paper work: i’m being ganged up on.

-wilbur instantly likes sam and quackity, because they care for his little brother (he totally has a rivalry with them though, he was there first, and tommy’s actual brother)

-the main hotel in the chain is sometimes used as an international meeting place for big companies and politicians

-more than once has phil or techno needed to stay for a few nights due to major meetings with powerful people

-it’s kind of awkward sometimes because tommy’s the hotel chain owner and since he’s based at the main hotel, he sometimes needs to greet the people going in for meetings

tommy: good afternoon, madam secretary

tommy: good afternoon, mister minister

tommy: good afternoon... *awkward cough* ...technoblade.

-or since he’s the ceo of a big name company, he sometimes has to attend big rich people galas that he hates

tommy: tubbo i literally hate these types of places, when can i leave, when am i allowed to to leave

tubbo, who is tommy’s plus one and moral support: dude i don’t know, i didn’t grow up rich

tommy, who grew up talking care of himself when wilbur wasn’t there: yeah well technically neither did i!

-and his father is a business man..

tommy, faking confidence and striding across the room: tubbo, i have no idea what i’m doing-

phil, from a table a few feet away, calling him over: theseus!

tommy, slowly turning around to see phil with a bunch of other rich people: fuckkkk-

-tommy makes sure everyone calls him tommy and not theseus

[in an interview]

interviewer: so theseus-

tommy: it's tommy.

interviewer: ... alright, tommy. would you like to address the rumors going around of your boyfriend?

tommy: huh??? oh, you mean tubbo? no, we're just best friends. and that's weird. i'm a minor.

interviewer: are you gay, though? we've never seen you date any women.

tommy: no, i do date women! all the time!!

-tommy being legally named "theseus watson" but calling himself "tommy innit"

-wilbur is legally “wilbur watson” but only ever goes by his stage name “wilbur soot”

-they both totally end up changing their names. legally.

-tommy saying i hate men because he just hates his father

-tommy getting scandals and controversies all the time but just by the upper class

-everyone else loves and adores him and knows he's literally just a 16 yo kid so that kind of stuff is a joke and he can say that without getting in trouble

-tommy will be in his office and tubbo will be at the front desk and sometimes tommy will just yell “TUBBOOOOO HELP MEEEEE” if his laptop crashes because Tubbo Tech

tommy: [during a meeting] oh, tubbo's clocked in for work.... TUBBOOO!

tommy: he's gonna come in here. surely. he'll go "hellœ?" surely. he'll walk in here...

tubbo: [walks in the room] hellœ?

-phil still has no idea who tubbo is

wilbur: yeah, i’m going to go check on tommy and tubbo

phil: ..the receptionist?

wilbur: ...

wilbur, internally: also your sons best friend but yeah sure, the receptionist.

-techno is lowkey fond of tubbo

-techno notices how tommy is clinging to tubbo at parties and galas all the time so he tries to get tommy to talk about him

-he likes that tubbo is there for tommy and totally resonates with the chaotic energy the two create

-sometimes when tommy can’t get tubbo in to the parties/galas, and techno is there, tommy will hang around him and steal his things

-like taking his wallet so techno will have to go back to the hotel afterwards and visit tommy

-he does it for attention. 

-tommy lives at the hotel. it’s not technically legal cause he wasn’t emancipated from his family and he’s only 16 but they’re rich so people don’t really say anything

-technically he still has a room at phil’s place, but he stays in a room at the hotel. when designing the place, he made sure to map out an area for his living space

-tubbo takes naps in his room

tubbo: i'm gonna go take a nap in the break room

quackity: there is no break room??

tubbo: yea there is. on the top floor. with the giant door.

quackity:... isn't that tommy's room???

-tubbo sometimes stays the night with tommy, when his parents have been on a business trip for over two weeks. he still goes to in-person school so he usually only stays on weekends during the school year

-tommy does online school, and forces himself to get his schoolwork for the week done over the weekend so he can focus on the hotel and other responsibilities

-he fakes having the “lmao i'm better and have more money also you don't play minecraft" mentality towards other kids and claims that’s why he does online

-it’s actually because he doesn’t have time to balance everything and he was bullied in the past so he switched to online school as soon as he started his hotel

-sometimes tubbo helps him with his classes tommy is overworked. like, in his off time. he has the passwords to tommy's computer so he just goes on it and does some of his school work

-tommy ranting to tubbo about how he hates his dad and how he said phil was gonna visit him the next day

-phil arriving and asking tubbo (because he's the receptionist) where tommy is. tubbo saying he doesn't know and that he left. even though tommy is literally in his room

-phil tries. he just doesn’t know how to parent. techno was 17 and wilbur was 15 when he adopted tommy, and he just got busy enough and forgot how to take care of a child

-tommy knows if he talks to phil, it’ll be awkward and phil will just try and buy him off (not intentionally, it’s just how business men be working, yknow)

-tommy just wants to prove himself, to both himself and phil. and hes using his hotel to do that

———————

fanart that was posted with @cb28 ‘s work

(i got permission to post this)

[mithliya]

[literally have boyfriends]

stuff like this physically hurts me. There’s absolutely no reason to do this. ppl can call me a boot licker or a self hating bi but I just don't like lesbophobia. Lesbians have always let us into their spaces and supported us, I'm talking about the majority lesbian community and organizations not the one lesbian that was mean to you in high school. so when stuff like this happens it's just feels like we're backstabbing them. we’re a big group and when we never call out the lesbophobia from our own it makes us seem like we: don’t care, we support it, or we don’t listen to lesbians. I just don’t get why some of us act like letting this happen won’t ever affect us. It’s also just wrong to do this or never do anything about it. We can blame it on not having a community but that doesn’t stop you from saying homophobia is wrong. Bisexuals during the gay rights movement were even more opressed than most of us today but they still spoke out against it. You can blame it on fake bis and yeah they are homophobic but the bi community isn’t just fake bis.

I relate more with lesbians because I’m like 90% woman attracted. Even though I relate to them more I'd never call myself a lesbian because that isn’t right. Lesbians don't like men that’s it there’s no debate.

Lesbians spaces are the only places were u can escape men, and express ur attraction to women, bi spaces always turn into porny sites or center around men ahem shybi. I don’t know why but even though we’re a bigger demographic we can never create our own spaces and keep them together. A lot of bi women rely on the lesbian community. so if lesbians do decide they’re fed up with us and kick us out bi women are we’re left with bi men who are still men and are sexists and misogynistic, they also tend to be annoying edge lords. Straight people don’t care about us and even at worst hate us. The trans community is well you know. There are the mogais or queers and no thank you. OSA leaning bi women for the most part don’t care about LGB topics because it doesn’t really affect them. So now we have the smaller and much more marginalized SSA leaning bis that are on their own.

It just seems like we’re dead set on ruining our relationship with the only other group of women that understands us. I see all the mspec lesbians, polilez and how so many bi women talk about how lesbians are opressors even though it’s impossible for them to oppress us. If you ever try to call out a lesbophobic bi other bis will jump on you call you a “pick me” and blame lesbians for them being lesbophobic and I just don’t get why some of us are like this. Bi women can cope all you want but we all see lesbians getting tired of this. Being bi is already isolating but if this keeps going on it’s going to get worse.

Sorry for the rambling I just needed to vent to someone.

i agree on not understanding why many bi people don't see how this also can negatively impact bi people. i mean for one, isnt that an example of bi erasure!? i hear the term used a lot by bi ppl when it comes to like fictional lesbian characters who had any kind of past with a man, or women like sappho who some argue is bi because she wrote that shes dating a man with a name thats basically "ActualMan BigDick" or sth, among other arguments... but when it comes to actual bi people, who are saying theyre literally into the opposite sex but have a strong preference for the same sex, its just... radio silence? when frankly thats one of the biggest and most prevalent examples of bi erasure i can think of!

idk anything about shybi so i cant comment on it, but thats unfortunate if bi spaces do often turn into that. i hope that changes one day because i can't imagine such spaces feel welcoming to many bi women.

i do hope one day this lesbophobia will be a thing of the past and that we can truly group together and be allies to each other.. but honestly at this point im quite hopeless on any of it. i cant imagine reaching a solid common ground :/

[prose-for-hire]

Shared Affection

Pairing: Willow x fem!reader; Xander x fem!reader [Bi reader !!]

Request: Hey! can you please write a Willow/Xander x fem reader story where they both have crushes on the reader and they're trying to figure out if she likes boys or girls only to find out shes bi?

Requested by: Anon

A/N: I feel like I’m still a little rusty but I did like writing a little something for this request !! Hope it’s what you wanted and I’m sorry about the wait 💖

You were a new transfer to UC Sunnydale. You could sense that you were on a Hellmouth as soon as you set foot in this new place you would call home. You could sense things, energies and what some may call magic. It just hadn’t occurred to you that this was any different to how other people felt and experienced the world. This would all change, however, once you met who would be your new group of friends. They would show you new possibilities as well as showing you just how powerful you truly are.

You met Buffy in a class you had both taken and subsequently bonded over how much you regretted it. From that first day you both vowed to help each other get through the year. It was as if you just clicked, she was an instant best friend, you could feel it. She then introduced you to her other friends, Willow, Anya and Xander. The latter didn’t actually go to college but he would sneak onto the campus so often and he was good company so you were pleased at this. You got on with everyone so well, it was clear that they had become fond of you almost instantly. Some, more than others.

Over the next five months, Xander and Willow had found themselves adoring you. Neither realising that the other held feelings for you. Xander and you both loved films. You would watch them together all of the time and it became a weekly tradition. You would either go to his basement or he would spend time in your dorm. Sometimes you would forget that the film was on and laugh until you cried at the comments he would make. He was so funny and you couldn’t help but feel so comfortable in his presence.

Willow and you spent time together, she had shown you some small spells for you to practice and you described to her the energy you felt especially now you were in Sunnydale. You could spend hours through the night, just talking. Laughing and sharing your deepest thoughts. She was so sweet to you and you really valued all of the time she spent with you.

Both of them had made you feel so welcome and you enjoyed the attention you had been getting more and more of from them both. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t suspect that one or both of them may have feelings for you. Although, whenever you thought this you berated yourself for assuming more from their friendly natures.

You couldn’t help loving them, they were so kind and they both looked after you in their own ways. Willow and her magic, Xander and his courage. They were truly now extremely important people in your life. You were thinking of this as you saw Buffy saving your usual seat in your class.

She smile and got you up to speed on all of the latest news you might have missed since you saw her last night on patrol. She was now your closest friend and you basically told each other everything. She had finished telling you all about Riley and what she had found out after the Gentlemen had finally been taken care of. Although, she suddenly changed the topic with a smile and a glint in her eye. She wouldn’t go into detail although she happened to hint about you having a ‘secret admirer’. 

Your mind went to Xander and then to willow in almost the same second. Who you suppose you wished it to be. But then, would you want to choose between them? Hurt one at the expense of the other? Would you even be able to choose? Or could you share them both, forget about monogamy, or would that put a strain on their friendship?

Stop. You had to halt all of the scenarios spinning around your head. It was possible it was nobody in your new little friendship group. Perhaps it was a pretty demon that Anya used to know from the olden days that had seen you from afar.

Willow and Xander were sat in the college canteen while you and Buffy were finishing your lecture. Xander had slid in with a group of guys that had finished a game of football so that nobody would question him. They sat and talked for a little but both of their minds had been on you. On their feelings for you. Neither knew that they had never felt this strongly for another person before. They just didn’t know how you could take it.

Willow had been thinking though. She had told Buffy she was gay. She had finally done it. She was a lesbian. She liked girls and only wanted to date girls now. Specifically, you. God, she adored you. Buffy had been surprised at her coming out but after a few months found herself being Will’s biggest supporter. It was easier to accept as Buffy already knew about your sexuality. You had always been open with her about being bi, you just hadn’t gotten around to telling anyone else.

“So, what do you think?” she asked after her usual rambling as she tried to broach the subject with Xander. She needed to see what he would say. She had realised instead that he had zoned out. His eyes watching for someone who was supposed to be here soon.

“Hm?”

“About y/n. I was thinking of asking her out-”

“You can’t!” Xander said, his voice had gone high-pitched at the suggestion. He then coughed and deepened his voice more than he would usually speak it to compensate, “…She’s not gay, Will”

“You don’t know! What are you th-the king of gay people now?”

“No!” Xander said quickly but his heart wasn’t really in their conversation. All he could ever do now was think of you. There was a pause for a while as both of them thought of the other, knowing now that they both felt the same for you. Then they thought of you. Of how close you had become. How kind and affectionate you could be with them. You cared for each of them but neither of them could help but wish for more. Xander suddenly spoke up again, still staring into the distance, “I know, of course I know. Do you, uh, really think… you know?”

“Sometimes she looks at me and I forget to do the breath-y thing” Willow admitted, now rubbing her hands together in her anxiety.

“Well, yeah she does. She’s- Y/n!” He suddenly said, his voice announcing you as he saw you walk towards them. You smiled and waved a little as you weaved between the tables to get to your friends.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she’s-” Willow replied, not realising you had been standing behind

“Hey, Y/n! Our Y/n, uh, Y/n our friend!” Xander said a little more urgently, over whatever Willow had been trying to say about your sexuality.

You smile and slide into a seat beside them. Both of them made you so comfortable to be around, you had this sense of home around both of them.

“Buffy caught up to Riley in the corridor, so it’s just me today,”

“That’s good!” Willow said, “Well, n-not good that she isn’t here but good that you are and that they have time together”

“Yeah, I think they’ll be okay. I hope so anyway, he could be good for Buffy right? I don’t know much about Angel but she looks so sad every time someone talks about him”

Willow nodded but Xander wasn’t quite listening. He was trying to think of a way to subtly change the subject from Buffy’s love life to yours. He ended up throwing subtlety out of the window an blurt it out.

“So, Y/n, how would you describe your type. What would your ideal man-”

“O-or woman! Or anybody else!”

“Oh, uh, well I’m not sure I have one type. I fall for people for more than their looks I guess. It just depends on the person!” You smiled but faltered slightly as their brows furrowed at your answer. It wasn’t specific enough for them to gauge who you might be interested in.

However, Willow loved your answer, as did Xander. He was usually a little insecure that he wasn’t the best looking guy or that he made too many jokes to be taken seriously by anyone. But of course, with you, it was different. You could sense goodness from them. You could sense love and promise and potential and you adored spending time with them so much.

But you could feel there was a slight tension. As if they were competing where usually they wouldn’t. Or that they were in some kind of unresolved discussion.

“Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity! We are, um, curious cats”

“If for example, Willow asked you on a date and uh, for the sake of this totally hypothetical situation, I also asked you out too – who would you pick?”

“Well, I think that I would be happy with either of you” You shrugged. And their mouths both widened in surprise at the same time. Neither of them had even considered you might like men and women. Even after you said this as you had to elaborate, “I’m bisexual”

They smiled at you, somewhat satisfied with this answer and both hugged you tightly at you admittance. You couldn’t help grinning so wide at their warmth. Then they caught each other’s eye and saw that they mirrored each other’s expression. That they saw that they had a chance with you. At your love. As you got up and excused yourself that you had to get to another class, there was a silent agreement. Both of them were set on competing for your attention. Especially now that they knew they definitely could have a chance to be by your side.

You weren’t really sure what to make of their question, you told yourself not to think too much into it. Just in case your mind began to spit out unrealistic scenarios that would disappoint you. You left them, not aware that they were both intently watching you leave. Your form dancing away from them in that way that they loved. Their eyes never left you and their thoughts lingered even longer.

One day, you would probably have to make some kind of decision. For now, you were just pleased that they accepted you for who you were. That you couldn’t sense even the smallest change in their fondness for you when you told them. For now, you could enjoy their love, whether platonic or otherwise and keep spending as much free time as you could with them.

[wispforever]

if youre still doing the character thing, how about spirit or marie?

I sure am. How about Spirit And Marie? Both wonderful characters. I’ll do Marie first, then Spirit. Thanks for the excuse to infodump, really. You people are too kind.

Marie Mjolnir

My first impression of Marie was the same impression I get of most female characters in anime. It’s either “why do their clothes have to look like that” or “oh god here comes the obligatory sexist heteronormative romance”. For Marie, it was more of the second. They mention in the same episode she’s introduced that Stein is her “first love”, which told me that if she had a large place in the plot, her assigned male counterpart around which to orbit would be him. Though I’ve never read the Soul Eater manga, I believe they do end up getting together there (I could be wrong). Whatever the case, I was relieved that Marie’s and Stein’s relationship (though heavily implied to be romantic, at least on Marie’s side) was left open to interpretation in the anime. I’m just very sick of cool badass female characters like Marie being reduced to the man they pine after. So, I guess my first impression of Marie and my impression of her now are largely the same. While I appreciate the moments we get to see her strengths and ability to operate on her own, I do think that her character really suffers because of the whole sexist “oh gosh all I want is to find a husband and retire” “oh my I have to take care of Stein” like okay, I had enough at the cat girl smothering Soul with her humungo-tits. I had enough at sexualizing underage girls and women in general. I had enough at making sexual harassment a punchline. That being said, when we push all of the shitty writing to the side, I admire Marie for her strength and how she interacts with the children, Crona in particular. Which leads me to my favorite moment(s).

The relationship Crona and Marie have interests me the most, since I’m really drawn to the parallels between Marie and Medusa. As parental figures (and as characters), they’re about as different as you can get. As Crona’s mother, Medusa is obviously abusive. Along with being negligent, she abuses Crona mentally, emotionally, and physically. In general, Medusa is a person who doesn’t appear to value interpersonal relationships, putting it nicely. She instead is more focused on her own interests, often to the detriment of those around her. Crona is Medusa’s only immediate family (besides Arachne who she is estranged from), and so they suffer the most from her refusal to show even a shred of human decency or warmth. They suffer especially because they are her child, meaning they’re stuck with her essentially, and repetivie abuse between family members like a mother and child often becomes complex because of the necessity of having a parental figure in your life to support you as you grow up. Medusa teaches Crona that their boundaries don’t matter and that they are only good as long as they are useful and do as they’re told. This is what makes Marie’s influence on Crona so cool to watch. Marie is caring by nature, loving and nurturing by nature. Her very wavelegnth is healing. She is kind and does what’s right reflexively. Marie is the exact embodiment of what Crona always needed but what, even upon being rescued by the academy, still felt so foreign to them: unconditional love. Crona struggles to understand why the other kids helped them, why Maka felt the inclination to stop their battle and save Crona instead by trying to understand them, why the kids are still so kind to them even after everything. They do not understand that love is not a bargaining chip. It isn’t leverage in an argument. It’s not a tool for emotional manipulation. Love is caring for the people close to you, just because. Love for the sake of love. The other kids and teachers at the academy are the ones who are able to pull Crona out of all Medusa’s lies, and Marie is a Huge part of that. Even though I have greivances with this being the largest part of her character and what that implies for female characters in general, it doesn’t stop being so beautiful to me that she could help Crona heal in this way. Marie = best mom for the win

Most of the story ideas I have for Marie involve her relationship with Crona or Stein. Say, this covers my unpopular opinion too. I don’t like Stein and Marie as a couple, but I really enjoy writing them as friends, because even though I don’t really jive with them being together romantically, I think their dynamic is an interesting one to explore because they Are so different.

Getting into that a little bit more, I’d like to start by saying I don’t care if other people like Stein and Marie being a couple. That’s great doods, keep doing you. The fanart’s adorable, the meta’s fantastic. Whoever you are, SteinMarie shippers, ffs keep kicking ASS. This is just my preference and opinion. Zero shade in this house. That said, because of my frustrations about Marie’s character I discussed in the first paragraph, I don’t like the idea of her and Stein being together romantically. It’s really a classic sexist trope: the troubled man and his sweet nurse. I’m also just fed up in general with the hetero-nonsense, so there. However, they are both wonderful characters that I enjoy very much seperately. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I’ve only seen the anime, so I can’t speak for the manga as far as their relationship or Marie’s character in general.

Oh shit I accidentally already talked about this one lmao [see the second paragraph]

One headcanon I like to think about when I’m writing Marie is that she likes women (in addition to men or not) and she struggles with comphet. Just something interesting I like to think about. It’s really fun for me to take characters who have been written as pining or had 10 million failed relationships and be like “say what if they can’t find a husband cuz really what they really need is a wife”. I’ll talk about that more with Spirit inevitably.

Spirit Albarn

My first impression of Spirit, obviously him being a cheater, really came with a lot of distaste. I come from a family that was torn apart by infidelity, among other things, so it really rubs me the wrong way. However, his saving grace for me was that he genuinely loves his daughter. It appears that, whether it’s played for laughs or not, he just can’t find fulfillment in his romantic relationships. The reason is left up to the veiwers. Spirit, ultimately, is not just a shitty person, which is how most cheaters are protrayed in media. “Well, they cheated because they don’t care if they hurt people”, “they cheated because they are shit and that’s it”. That’s a fine explanation if you plan to do nothing with whatever character you’re describing, but Spirit is relatively recurring and is shown to be neither mean-spirited or emotionally unintelligent. It bothers me that his cheating and routine sexist behaviour isn’t taken seriously enough to be a subject that Soul Eater tackles and deals with. But that’s fine. I’ll just do it myself. At any rate, I still feel that same way about Spirit’s character, but I find it intriguing that he seems to genuinely want to become a better father and is actually a pretty good dad when it comes to his interactions with Maka. If Soul Eater had been brave enough to develop him more, maybe delve into the reasoning behind his impulsive romantic affairs, I think Spirit as a character could have been done more justice. It seems to me that he could be suffering from some of that wonderful compulsory heterosexuality that I mentioned before, then becoming confused when the woman he claims to love leaves him feeling empty. Rattling my gay little cage

When I think of my favorite moments with Spirit, I think of his moments with Maka, but I’m gonna hold off on that until I get to favorite relationship(s). In reference to what I talked about in the first paragraph, one moment I find really interesting when I’m thinking about my interpretation of Spirit’s character is the scene where he and Maka are on the roof talking. Maka asks Spirit why he cheated on her mother if he did, in fact, love her. He doesn’t appear to know the answer, and he doesn’t really understand how to effectively communicate that, though he was shitty husband, what he really wants now is to try and be a better dad. We hear his inner monologue, and he says something like “I love you [Maka] and your mama. That’s the truth. That’s the truth. That’s the truth.” Every time he says “its the truth” it sounds more like he’s forcing it. This is actually something that is SO strange to me. Even if I didn’t project a queer narrative on to the characters I love, I would look at this and be like “huh that is a Weird thing to say in that specific way”. Why does he say it like that? Why does he have to say it more than once? He’s only talking to HIMSELF. It isn’t like he’s trying to convince Maka. Why does he have to convince himself?? Could it possibly be because he’s reached a conclusion about his romantic/sexual orientation that he’s been trying to swallow his Entire Life??? makes ya wonder, doesn’t it, queers?

Just like I said when I talked about Stein, most of the stories I have in mind with Spirit center around that sweet gayness. But also, I like to think of ways Spirit could come to terms with his sexuality, how it might have affected him when he was young, his relationship with all these women, with his wife. I love to think about him being a dad at 18 and trying his best, but how much responsibility that must have been. Lots of great ideas when it comes to Spirit.

Um? unpopular opinion would be all the standard like I said with Stein lmao. “Oh no!” scream the heteros, “that they/them on tumblr is making Soul Eater queer we canst not allow that in our church!!!111!” But besides that, maybe even the fact that I think he’s redeemable?? Idk most everyone I’ve met thinks Spirit is funny at least and just calls him a dumbass and a slut (affectionate). Doesn’t mean anybody thinks cheating on your wife 56 times is okay so. I like this fandom, it’s chill here. My favorite is when I see my art tagged like “aw the stupid man and his crazy bf” like YOU ARE RIGHT

My favorite relationship when it comes to Spirit (besides Stein cuz if I start talking about them again I’ll never finish this ask) is the one he has with Maka. If you can call it a relationship lol. I guess I just find Spirit’s approach to Maka as a parent really refreshing. Not that the parents in other shows don’t love their kids or whatever, it’s just that the loving parent always seems to be paired with some other trope that makes their character hard to approach. especially in anime. Like the perfect mother who dies in the first episode, and we spend the rest of the show mourning her. Or the father whose love is somehow everlasting even though he’s never home. It’s really the fact that Spirit is even THERE that I love. He knows what Maka is up to. He talks about her. He’s invested in her life, and he loves her. All he wants is to spend time with her, and though he’s sad when she turns him down, he doesn’t push her. god dammit I just like a dad who actually loves his kids without all the usual strings attached like. oh my kids are a huge pain in my ass, but I love them in spite of it. oh i’m a man so can’t relate to my children in a meaningful way but i try. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I want all the dads to get so happy when their daughters wanna hang with them that they throw up like Spirit. Give me the guy who loves his daughter so naturally, whose daughter is such a huge part of his life, that it doesn’t even occur to him stop trying even if she literally wants to murder him. That’s Spirit. jfc

To end with a cute little headcanon, I really love to think that when Spirit gets older and starts losing the color in his hair, instead of getting white or grey, his hair turns a pale pink color cuz he’s such an aggressive redhead. Wouldn’t that just be adorable? late 30′s, early 40′s, Spirit starts getting little pink streaks in his hair and then bam. Little pink old man Spirit XD

There ya have it. Thanks for the ask, and feel free to send more.

[idnek83]

By Your Side - chapter 2/3

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, No Game Spoilers, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Verbal and Physical Abuse, Homophobia, Other Tags To Be Added

Summary: The epilogue of Aid, in which Soda finally comes out to those around him, and accomplishes a goal he’s had ever since that fateful day in the beach house.

Chapter: 1, 2

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda comes out to his father and things go about as poorly as one would expect. But maybe he hasn't lost nearly as much as he thinks.

Please mind the tags. This chapter contains non-graphic depictions of verbal and physical abuse. If you don’t want to read it but would like to know what happened, please read the summary in the ending notes on AO3

_____________________

Coming out to his friends had been so easy that he had almost convinced himself that coming out to his dad could be easy too.

It wasn’t that bad really, he only hit him a few times, he’d been beaten worse for breaking things in the garage.

He was glad he told Gundham not to come though.

“You’re already such a useless fuckin’ disappointment-”

Really, watching how Gundham would react to his father’s abuse would probably have been way harder to take.

“Now you ain’t even gonna have a kid and continue the family? Too busy suckin’ dick like a disgusting-”

At this point his dad was pretty much just repeating himself. Earlier, Soda had tried to appease his father by pointing out that he was actually still interested in women, so technically he might still have a kid someday.

But his father wasn’t listening, so he gave up.

He didn’t really want kids anyways.

He was too scared he’d end up like his dad.

“-outta my house before I throw you out!”

Oh, that was new. He probably should have been listening better. He really was useless.

“What?”

“I said you best get your ass outta my house real quick, or I’m gonna throw ya out, and don’t even think ‘bout coming back unless you’re ready to put this gay shit behind you.”

His father’s entire face was red, a few ugly veins stood out on his forehead, and he looked cartoonishly angry.

Soda couldn’t help but think it was almost funny.

“Can I, um, can I grab some of my stuff first?”

Soda wasn’t really sure how he was acting so calm, it always happened when things with his dad got really bad. Calm didn’t stop his father from hitting him, but it usually stopped him from hitting harder.

His father’s eyes narrowed and his shoulders tensed in a way Soda had learned meant he should start preparing to be hit again, but to his surprise his father just turned and stormed away after mumbling “Ya got 15 fucking minutes,” followed by a string of insults Soda knew were supposed to be hurtful, but hardly affected him anymore.

It’s hard to feel rain drops when you’re already soaked.

He walked to his room an sat on the bed.

He just stared.

What was he supposed to do? Pack? Most his stuff was already in his dorm at Hope’s Peak. Why had he asked to get his stuff when there wasn’t even anything important here?

He looked vacantly around his room.

It was pretty sparse. Just some dirty clothes thrown around on old worn-out furniture. There was a picture of him and his dad on the nightstand.

Maybe he should take that? People always take photos with them in movies and shit, so that’s probably what he’s supposed to do, right?

He threw it out the window instead.

It probably should have made him feel something, but he just felt numb.

He grabbed a pillowcase and stared filling it with his clothes and some of the random junk he had sitting around, not really paying attention to what he was doing.

Was this the last time he would ever be in this room? In this house?

The thought made him freeze.

He was about to lose the only home he’d ever had.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and laid down on his bed, tried to remember the feeling of it and the image of his ceiling.

It was stupid, but he felt like he would miss staring at that ceiling, suddenly every little bump and scratch felt like an important part of who he was. He had stared at it his whole life and now he just… wouldn’t be able to ever again.

He felt like he was upset about the wrong thing, but he couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes anyway.

He was definitely going to miss that ceiling.

There was a knock at the door.

Shit, had it been 15 minutes already?

He stood and grabbed his sack of stuff, wiped his face, and opened the door to his room for what was probably the last time.

No one was there.

He checked his phone to see if his time was actually up, maybe he was just hearing things.

He had 12 missed calls from Gundham and twice as many unanswered texts.

There was another knock at the door.

Not his room door.

The front door.

Oh god, no.

He ran to the front door and pulled it open. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Gundham standing there looking both incredibly concerned and incredibly angry.

He was surprised when he didn’t immediately shove both himself and his boyfriend out the door like he had been planning to though.

Something about seeing Gundham just then, seeing the man he felt so safe around right as he was losing his home broke him, and instead of pushing Gundham back and away from the building like he should, he wrapped his arms around him and choked a sob into his chest.

Gundham held him tightly, and for a moment Soda didn’t feel so lost.

And then his dad found them.

“And this is the fucking guy? Really went with the fruitiest fucker you could, huh? Couldn’t pick one that at least looks like a girl could ya, ya little-”

He couldn’t take it if his father and Gundham started fighting. He needed to leave. Now.

He tried to nudge Gundham back, but Gundham just held him tighter.

“Cease your barking, foul beast.”

No.

Gundham shifted, partially shielding Soda from his father. He was definitely getting ready to fight.

No no no.

“I will not allow you to-”

The venom in Gundham’s raised voice sent a chill down Soda’s spine that he wished wasn’t so familiar.

He needed to stop this before it got bad, before he started fearing Gundham’s voice the same way he feared his father’s.

“Gundham, please, don’t.”

It was quiet, pathetic, and mumbled into Gundham’s chest. If his father had heard it he would have laughed and mocked him more, there’s not way it would have stopped him.

But it stopped Gundham.

He felt Gundham tense for a moment, before stroking Soda’s hair and muttering an apology against his temple. It was the exact kind of tender comfort Soda had never dared dream of receiving during one of his father’s episodes.

It made him cling to Gundham harder.

Yeah, his dad really didn’t appreciate that.

Soda was pretty sure Gundham was literally biting his tongue as the two of them walked away from the house, trailed by every insult and threat his father could think to utter. Only once they made it to the sidewalk did Gundham pause and look back. Soda could see him seething, knew Gundham needed to say something, and just pressed his head against Gundham’s shoulder, allowing him to finally speak up.

He didn’t have the energy to stop him anyways.

Gundham locked eyes with Soda’s father and tightened his arm protectively around Soda’s back.

He just hoped Gundham wouldn’t yell again.

“May you one day find enough love to know your actions were wrong.”

It was hardly any louder than Gundham’s usual speaking voice, but the moment of silence that followed it told Soda that his father had indeed heard it.

The renewed vigor of his threats after, however, told him his father didn’t care for the words.

–

Soda wasn’t 100% sure how they got back to campus.

He vaguely remembers being on a bus and hiding his face against Gundham’s neck, doing his best not to cry in public.

He didn’t need more people seeing how pathetic he was.

He remembers the warmth of Gundham’s hand on his back and the soothing sound of his voice, though he can’t really remember anything he said.

He was so useless he couldn’t even pay attention when someone was trying to comfort him.

It wasn’t until they were walking through the doors of their dorm building that he really felt like he was able to focus again. Something about being in a familiar place just made his mind come back from… wherever it had been.

The first thing he noticed was that he didn’t have the pillowcase he had shoved all his shit in.

He didn’t have the pillowcase.

His heartbeat picked up.

He didn’t have his stuff.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t have a house,

His knees buckled.

He didn’t have a home.

He fell. He felt sick. He felt like he was dying.

Gundham was saying something. He couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything but his own too loud heartbeat and his brain’s assurance that he had lost everything and that he might as well just die.

Suddenly he was being carried. He wanted to protest but he couldn’t catch his breath, so he just gasped and choked pathetically in Gundham’s arms until he was slowly lowered onto a bed.

His bed.

His bed in his dorm room, covered in his dirty clothes and his unwashed blankets.

Soda gripped the sheets, his sheets, and something about it made the knot in his chest loosen.

He could breathe again.

He opened his eyes, unsure when he had closed them, and looked down at Gundham, who was crouched down before him holding his limp hands in his own.

A small smile graced Gundham’s face when Soda met his eyes.

“Have you returned to me, my love?”

Soda’s mouth felt dry, so he just nodded.

Gundham stood, slowly, the same way Soda knew he would around a frightened animal, and lifted one of Soda’s hands to gently press his lips to his knuckles.

“Do you keep ice in your fridge, dear consort?”

The question felt bizarre. Ice? Was this an overlord thing? He really wasn’t in the mood for that crap…

He managed to choke out a confused “Huh?”

“Ice, my dearest, is there any in your fridge? We must treat your wounds.”

Soda blinked slowly, waiting for his mind to process what was happening.

His wounds?

Oh.

He must have a blackeye.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll get it.”

When he stood Gundham moved as if to stop him, and he felt anger bubble up in his stomach.

“I said I’ll fucking get it! I’m not that fucking useless!”

He regretted it the second he finished speaking. Gundham’s shocked face hurt him more than anything else that night had.

In his mind his raised voice echoed and distorted until he couldn’t tell it from his father’s.

He was on his knees again, sobbing an apology, as gentle arms slowly wrapped around him and a deep voice offered forgiveness he didn’t deserve.

They must have been close enough to his minifridge for Gundham to reach it, as he suddenly felt something cold being lightly pressed into his hands.

It was an icepack he nearly forgot he owned, Mikan had handed them out to everyone in class on a particularly hot day that summer.

He pressed it to his eye, only then did he notice the dull throbbing pain of it.

He let himself fall forward into Gundham’s chest again.

“‘m sorry.” He mumbled again.

“My beloved consort, I can hardly imagine the pain you are feeling at this moment.” A soft kiss to his forehead. “I will remain by your side as you fight the demons which plague you, however unpleasant they may be.”

The words struck fear in Soda’s heart.

“No.”

“My dear?”

“I don’t want that, Gundham.” He took a shaky breath “I don’t want you to be with me if I’m treating you like shit. I don’t care if I’m hurt or whatever, if I treat you like shit you leave, okay?”

“It’s understandable that-”

“No. Gundham, please, I just-” another shaky breath as he pulled far enough away from Gundham that he could meet his eyes “- I don’t want to end up like him, okay? So you can’t… you can’t just let me get away with this shit. E-even when I’m upset.”

Gundham took a moment to consider his words, looking unconvinced.

“Please Gundham. I couldn’t… I couldn’t take it if I hurt you.”

Gundham stroked his cheek and finally nodded.

“Then I will do my best to keep your behavior in check, and in return I will ask only one thing.”

Soda smiled and cocked his head.

“Yeah?”

“You must be kind to yourself as well, dearest.”

It caught him off-guard.

“You have made a habit of speaking of yourself in a depreciating manner. I will not allow you to speak to me in such a way, and I will not allow you to speak to yourself in such a way either.” Gundham smiled and cupped Soda’s chin. “You are the consort of the great Overlord of Ice, my love, all must treat you with respect.”

Soda couldn’t help but laugh a little. It made his face hurt even worse, but it was worth it.

Gundham pulled him close again and quietly chuckled along with him.

Eventually they stood, and Soda looked around his room until he found a mostly clean face cloth to wrap the icepack in, before pressing it back to his swollen eye.

Gundham simply stood in the middle of the room, seemingly uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

“Um, Gundham? What’s, uh, what’s up?” Gundham looking nervous made Soda feel nervous, it was just too unlike him.

“I am… simply unsure if I should stay.”

“Huh?”

Gundham hadn’t once hesitated to spend the night in Soda’s room since they had returned from their vacation.

“I would be happy to stay with you this night, my dear consort, but…you have gone through so much so quickly, I would understand if you wished to have some time alone, or simply some time away from me, as I am .”

Soda was about to protest, of course he wanted Gundham around right now, having the person you love around in a crisis was like the number one thing you were supposed to want, right?

But the more he thought about it the more he realized Gundham had a point. Maybe he felt calm for the moment, but he was sure he’d have another outburst soon, and as much as he appreciated Gundham’s comfort and reassurance, sometimes a guy really just needs to let himself have a good long ugly cry in private, just to get it all out.

“Actually, yeah… I think, um, I think maybe I’ll sleep alone tonight? If that’s alright?”

“Of course it is alright, dearest.”

Gundham smiled for a second before it faltered.

“But please, do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything, my love. Truly anything, big or small, I will do my best to accommodate you.”

Soda smiled a little but could already feel his emotions welling up again at Gundham’s hesitance.

“I will, Gundham. Or? I won’t I guess? Uh, I mean, I’ll text you if I need anything, okay? Just, uh, try not to worry about me to much for now, alright? I’ll… be okay.”

He’d probably be okay, right?

“Of course, I’ll do my best.” Gundham moved to the door as Soda opened it, turning back as he walked through it. “I love you, my dear Soda.”

Soda felt his throat tightening again.

“L-love you too, Gundham.” Maybe it was a little choked, maybe he closed the door a little too fast, but maybe he just didn’t want Gundham to have to deal with any more of his crying that night.

He waited a moment for Gundham’s shadow to disappear from below the door, before once again sliding to his knees.

He expected to sob, the way he had before, but to his surprise he just breathed out a few more shaky breaths.

Maybe he had had enough of his own crying for one night too.

Maybe he just needed another minute.

He decided he might as well get ready for bed. He looked around his room for some cleanish pajamas and found a shirt Gundham had forgotten at some point. It passed the sniff test, smelling only mildly like BO but mostly like Gundham, so he threw it on along with some loose shorts he was mostly certain he had only slept in a few times that week.

He still didn’t feel like crying.

Soda sat on his bed and pulled out his phone, maybe he should just ask Gundham to come back if he wasn’t going to have another breakdown…

He felt guilty when he saw all the still unread messages from Gundham, but he’d deal with those later. For now, he was more interested in some of the other texts he had.

He had told most his friends that he was planning to come out to his father today, so there were a decent number of texts asking how things went.

As he scrolled through his various messages he began to feel guilty, many of his classmates had not only asked how things went but had followed up a while later with concerned messages. Fuyuhiko had even threatened to send some of “his guys” to Soda’s house - to Soda’s Father’s house -  if he didn’t respond soon.

Luckily it seemed like Gundham had done some damage control while Soda had been out of it, as there were also a few messages saying things like “Gundham says you’re safe, but I’m here to talk if you need it!” and offering various words of support and love.

So, turns out he wasn’t done crying.

What had he done to deserve such good friends? He was just a stupid fuck-up and yet there were so many people ruining their nights by worrying about him. The worst part was he couldn’t even find the energy to respond to them. These people were making the effort to try to reach out to him and he couldn’t even do them the courtesy of responding.

His dad was right, he was useless.

He opened the rest of his messages without reading them, just to clear the notifications, then fell face first onto his pillow and tried not to sob. His throat was starting to feel sore, and all the crying really wasn’t helping.

His phone vibrated and he ignored it.

It vibrated again.

And again.

And again.

He grabbed it to put it on silent, but the most recent message caught his eye.

I swear dude if you don’t respond in the next five minute I’m coming back and kicking your ass.

It was Hajime. He and Nagito had decided to go camping for the weekend, and he had been pretty upset when Soda had told him he was going to talk to his dad while Hajime was out of town. Soda had insisted it would be fine and that Hajime should still go, and Hajime had only agreed on the condition that Soda would keep him updated with how things went.

Something he very much did not do.

He shot off a quick “I’m fine,” and almost immediately after he hit send his phone began ringing.

The bastard had tricked him, he couldn’t say he hadn’t noticed Hajime calling now.

He sighed and answered his phone.

“Yeah?” His voice was kind of scratchy, but he didn’t think he sounded like he was crying at least.

To his surprise, instead of the snarky response he had been expecting, he simply heard a relieved sigh and a slightly distant sounding “He’s okay,” before a louder “You had me really worried man.”

Soda choked back another sob. Hajime sounded so genuinely relieved, he could only imagine how worried he must have been.

And he had been planning on just letting him worry…

God he was an asshole.

“I…” Soda really didn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay, I heard from Gundham so I know I should have just dropped it but… I dunno, man, I just really needed to hear your voice I guess? Like to be sure you’re alive?”

Soda let out a deep, shaky breath. He knew Hajime would be able to hear it over the phone, but he needed to calm himself down.

“S-sorry Haj. I shoulda just texted you. It’s my fault for being such a fuck up.”

“Soda, shut the fuck up right now or I actually am going to come back there and kick your ass. You’re not a fuck up, your dad’s a piece of shit, and you 100% are not allowed to feel shitty about not responding to people while you’re in the middle of a fucking crisis, got it?”

Soda froze before laughing at Hajime’s outburst.

“Weren’t you the one g-getting mad at me for not responding, d-dude?” He did his best to keep his voice light, but he couldn’t quite manage it.

“Yeah I know, I shouldn’t have. I probably just made you feel worse, huh?”

Soda paused for a moment.

“Yes and no?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, dude?”

“L-like… yeah seeing your messages and shit made me feel… really shitty, but… now that we’re talking I feel… I dunno, man, just... less shitty?”

There was a quick burst of static that Soda assumed must have been an amused huff from Hajime.

“Soda?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, man, okay? Don’t forget that.”

Tears welled up in his eyes and he had to swallow around a lump in his throat before responding.

“I love you too, Haj…”

There was a brief pause, both of them feeling a little awkward about being so open, but enjoying the feeling none the less, then-

“No homo.”

They said it at the same time.

Soda’s body shook with laughter, he could hear Hajime howling on the other end of the call and could just barely make out Nagito asking what was so funny in the background. His face hurt so bad, but he couldn’t really make himself care just then.

When their laughter died down Soda sighed.

“Thanks for this, Haj. I… I think I really needed to hear some of that shit…”

“Anytime, Soda.”

There was a brief pause and Soda knew Hajime was debating whether he should end the call or not.

He didn’t want to cut into Hajime’s camping date for too long, so he made the choice for him.

“Anyways, I’m feeling pretty tired, so I’m gonna head to bed now.”

“Okay, man, just… call me if you need to talk more, okay?”

“And risk catching you while you’re in the bone zone? No thanks, dude.”

“First off, never call it that again, second, I’m serious, Soda, call me.”

“Yeah, yeah, dude.”

“Soda.”

“I will. I promise! If I need to talk I’ll call you, even if I think you’re probably fucking, okay? Happy?”

“Yes. Now get some sleep.”

“Okay, mom. Good night.”

Soda heard Hajime’s faint chuckle as he hung-up, and found himself genuinely smiling for what felt like the first time that night.

Sure, maybe him and Hajime weren’t great at actually talking about heavy shit with each other without making it all into some kind of joke, but maybe jokes were the exact kind of thing he needed right then.

Jokes and something to fucking drink.

All the crying he had done that night had really killed his throat, and while the laughing had felt better, it had still just made him that much more aware of how dry his mouth was.

His phone buzzed as he stood to look for a drink. He picked it up expecting to find some snarky message from Hajime, only to see Sonia’s name on his screen instead.

Hello Soda, I do not mean to bother you, but I have made too much tea, and was wondering if you would like some.

Soda smiled at the message. ‘Made too much tea,’ as if Sonia wasn’t a master when it came to all things tea related.

I can leave some at your door if you are not in the mood to chat! I don’t mind!

Was he in the mood to chat? Talking with Hajime had been great, exactly what he needed probably, but would talking with Sonia be the same?

Their relationship had significantly improved over the past few months, the two of them would even sometimes hangout without Gundham around now, but they had never really talked about serious stuff before, they always just kept things light.

But he could really go for some tea, and maybe letting someone other than Gundham see that he was alive and in one piece would help him stop feeling so guilty about ignoring his friends.

Tea sounds good, thanks. I wouldn’t mind a quick chat either.

Great! I’ll be right over! ヾ(^▽^*)

Less than a minute passed before Soda heard light footsteps coming down the hall. He did his best to throw most of the dirty clothes scattered around into the laundry basket and hide some of the clutter before Sonia made it to his door.

“Soda? It’s me, I’d knock but my hands are full.”

“Be right there.” He lanced around his room and deemed it acceptable before pressing his icepack back against his eye and opening the door.

Sonia smiled brightly at him, and he pretended not to notice the way her smile faltered when she first registered the icepack as he invited her in.

There was a small, low table in the middle of the room and Soda gestured for Sonia to set the tea down there. They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment, maybe this had been a bad idea after all, Soda wasn’t really in the mood to stumble through an awkward conversation right now.

Sonia reached for a cup at the same moment Soda did, and the strange mirrored movement caused them both to giggle a little, breaking some of the tension.

“I am sorry for coming over like this, I admit I simply wanted to check that you were okay and didn’t prepare a topic for conversations.”

“It’s alright, Sonia. I mean, I kind of knew, you never mess up tea.” Soda smiled at her as best he could while holding the icepack to his eye.

“I apologize for being deceitful.” She smiled back. “I simply couldn’t think of-”

Soda shifted the icepack in his hand, pulling it back from his face to readjust the cloth wrapped around it, only for Sonia to abruptly stop talking and cover her mouth.

Oh right, his eye probably looked pretty messed up right now.

He covered it back up quickly.

“Sorry Sonia, it’s-”

Sonia stood, and Soda assumed she was about to excuse herself, but instead she stepped around the table, knelt beside him, and pulled him into one of the tightest hugs he had ever experienced.

“I’m so sorry Soda. You d-don’t deserve any of this.” Was she… crying? “Your… the man who did this doesn’t deserve you as a son.” He could hear it for sure now, she was definitely crying. The lump in his throat came back in full force, and he had to fight not to sob along with her.

“S-Sonia, it’s alright, d-don’t cry…” God now he was crying.

“It’s not alright!” She yelled and pulled him further against her. Soda hid his face against her shoulder. “It’s really not alright, Soda…”

Sonia rubbed Soda’s back gently with one hand, while stroking his hair and keeping him close with the other, while he sobbed against her and did his best not to get any snot on her clothes.

She was soft and warm and comforting, and he couldn’t help but remember being held in much the same way by his mother, years ago before she had passed.

It made him sob harder, but Sonia just kept holding him.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and crying together while their tea got cold.

Eventually, after they had both calmed down a little, Sonia released him, shifting her hand from Soda’s head and back to hold his free hand instead.

“Soda, I…” she looked up, into his good eye, “I think you’re very brave.”

He couldn’t help but blush.

“N-not really, I mean I was pretty scared…”

“But you are!” Sonia lifted his hand and clasped it between her own, holding it between her chest and his. “I don’t believe I would ever have been able to speak to my parents of my preferences had I not know before hand that they would be supportive! But you did! I think that makes you extremely brave!”

He didn’t feel brave, but maybe she had a point…

Wait.

“Your preferences?”

Sonia blinked and tilted her head.

“Gundham didn’t tell you?”

“N-no?” Wait, was the girl he had spent so long being creepily obsessed with not even into guys to begin with? “Sonia, are you, uh, not into dudes?”

“Oh, no I am, but I like women as well.” She blushed a little, but smiled. “I believe we are the same in that regard, correct?”

He just nodded.

Damn, first Hajime and now Sonia? He really needed to stop assuming all his friends were straight.

“But, uh, doesn’t that get complicated? Like with you being a princess and all?”

Why the fuck had he said that. That was like the opposite of the right thing to say.

He was definitely 2 for 2 with fucking up when his friends came out to him.

“Oh, a little. I am expected to produce an heir one day, but there are ways to do that even if my partner and I are not able to do so on our own.”

“Ah, right, that makes sense.”

Soda nodded and decided to chug his cold tea to stop himself from saying anything else dumb.

Sonia visibly cringed as he drank but didn’t stop him.

“You know I don’t mind making you some more, Soda.” She spoke as he lowered his now empty cup.

“N-no thanks, it’s good. Even cold it tastes fine.” He did his best to smile convincingly.

Sonia quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, instead smoothing out her skirt and giving her own cold cup of tea a disdainful look.

There was another slightly awkward silence before she stood once more.

“Then I think… If you would not like any more tea, I shall leave and allow you to rest for the night.”

“Ah, yeah. Thank you… for the tea and… thank you.” Soda stood as he spoke, and Sonia reached out to squeeze his hand once more before gathering her things and heading for the door.

“Good night Soda, sleep well!”

“You too, Sonia.”

“Oh, and…” Sonia smiled and paused for a moment, flicking he eyes down to Soda’s chest. “You look very good in that shirt. It’s cute on you.”

With that she left, letting Soda close the door behind her.

His shirt is cute? What shirt was he even wearing?

He looked down.

He felt his whole face heat with embarrassment as he remembered he had thrown on one of Gundham’s shirts earlier.

Oh.

“It looks cute on you.”

So Sonia had definitely recognized it.

He covered his face with both hands and laughed at himself. Why was he even this embarrassed? Sonia had been one of the first people to know him and Gundham were dating. He was just being dumb.

He pulled the shirt up to his nose and inhaled, smiling.

He was pretty sure he knew the exact night the shirt had ended up in his room. They had both been a little drunk and giggly, happy in each other’s arms as they had collapsed onto Soda’s bed.

Soda’s heart throbbed at the memory.

He wanted to see Gundham.

It had gotten pretty late though, maybe sending a text first would be a good idea.

Soda picked up his phone and clicked on Gundham’s name to open the messaging tab, pausing once he did.

Three little dots appeared at the bottom of the conversation, then disappeared, then appeared again.

Soda waited, but a message never came through.

Was Gundham… unsure? Soda watched the dots and imagined his boyfriend typing and erasing messages, unsure what to say or even if he should say anything, and the thought made him smile.

He decided to put Gundham out of his misery.

I’m coming over. Let’s watch a movie

He grabbed a random movie off his shelf, he didn’t really care what they watched. His phone buzzed, then buzzed again.

Dearest, I know you need space right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I love you and that you may call on me for anyt

Ignore that! I did not mean to send it!

I am happy to hear you are coming to my abode, my consort, I will ensure it is ready for you.

So he really had been sitting there trying to come up with the perfect message to send Soda, huh?

God, Gundham was such a dork.

Soda loved him for it.

–

He wasn’t really sure what time it was. Movie credits were scrolling across the little TV screen on the other side of the room, playing gentle music over Gundham’s quiet snores.

Soda rolled himself over, leaving his head on Gundham’s chest but shifting from his side to his back, and stared at the ceiling.

He had spent a good many nights in this room over the past few months, but the ceiling wasn’t familiar the way the one back in his father’s house had been. He didn’t think he’d cry if he never saw this one again.

Gundham grunted in his sleep and wrapped an arm around Soda’s back.

But he’d cry if he never got to see Gundham again. Or Sonia, or Hajime, or any of his friends. Even Nagito.

He’d cry if he lost them, he’d cry if they got hurt, and he’d cry if they cried.

Because he loved them.

Because they loved him.

Because even if he had lost the home he had known all his life, many of his own possessions, and even the man he had called father, he realized he hadn’t lost everything.

His home was with Hajime, while they laughed and made jokes at each other’s expense.

His home was with Sonia, making polite conversation and sipping tea so good he could hardly believe it was store bought.

His home was here, in Gundham’s arms late at night, feeling safe and secure even as his whole world was being turned on its head.

His home was with the people he loved.

All he had lost that night was a house.