#I’m feelin it now I was just gonna sit and be depressed all day but an occasion like this doesn’t come round every month baybee

[samwisefamgee]

what the FUCK why didn’t anyone tell me it’s Friday the 13th I’ve been sitting around scrounging weed money when I should be out raising a RUCKUS

[shyficwriter]

I've Got You

Guardians of the Galaxy Fanfic | Reader x Guardians (Yondu is alive)

Summary: After you never let anyone else listen to your music Rocket and the guys decide they want to see what potentially embarrassing songs you have on your music player, but find something else entirely.

Author's Note: ANGST! This story does NOT have a happy ending, or an ending at all really. It may be funny at the start but it's all angst at the end and it'll make you cry. Proceed with caution. This isn't even a joke- it gets heavy. I was going through some stuff... If you think this might trigger anything for you at all, skip this one.

Content Warning: Mentions of suicide/depression.

Word Count: 2,508

You didn't mind sharing with the rest of the gang. You really didn't. You'd share your clothes with Mantis, your food with Groot, and your books with Drax. There was very little you didn't share, except for one thing, and that was your music player.

Anytime someone would occasionally ask to borrow it you would always make up an excuse, usually: "Nah, you wouldn't like my music." and that was usually that for a little while. But, of course, eventually someone would ask again and you'd have to make the same excuses over again. Once you even told Peter it was all accordion music so he'd stop asking to compare playlists. That worked for a bit, until a week later you forgot you had told him that and said how much you hated accordion music when the topic of Polka was brought up. Oops. Well, there went that excuse.

One day was different, however.

You were walking in Peter's ship, minding your own business with your headphones in when Rocket motioned to you. He was sitting at a table with Groot. You paused your player and removed one of your earbuds. "What's up?"

"Groot was trying to ask if he could listen with you. but of course you had your volume up like always."

"You're going to damage your hearing if you keep that up," said Gamora, sitting on the other side of the room with Drax.

You ignored her, turning your attention back to Rocket. "Oh. I don't think that's a good idea.." you said with a wince, feeling bad for having to tell the little guy 'no.' Other than Mantis, he was the one you always felt the most guilty saying 'no' to. Those puppy-dog eyes were killer.

Rocket eyed you suspiciously. "Why? Quill lets him do it all the time?"

He was right. Peter did let little Groot listen to music with him quite often. But you weren't Peter.

Peter startled you when he came up from behind you with Yondu, saying, "Yeah, you're weirdly possessive of that thing. It won't hurt to let him have a listen."

'It might.' you thought. "He might be better off listening to your music, we already know he likes that."

"What's wrong with yers?" Yondu asked, who agreed with Peter about the weirdly possessive thing. You barely ever let that thing out of your sight.

You tried to think of something, "It's uh, not really appropriate..."

Yondu chuckled, "Are ya trying to say ya have dirty songs on that player of yers?"

You blushed. That's not exactly where you were going with that, but if it works... "I'd just say my music isn't exactly, uh.. kid friendly."

Your blush only made it more convincing that this whole time you had been hiding embarrassing music on your device. Rocket raised an eyebrow in amusement and Peter laughed too. "There's no way I'm gonna believe you have dirty songs on there. Let me see." he said, moving to reach for your music player.

You quickly put it in your pocket. "Nope! Bye." you said, turning on your heels and making your way to leave the ship, glad you were docked on a planet as it gave you an escape. "Gonna go head out for a walk, be back soon!"

Peter looked slightly disappointed, but let you go.

Once you were gone Rocket spoke up. "You know, I think I know a way how we can sneak a listen to what she's got that's so secret on there," he said, smirking. "Ya know, if you want..."

Yondu and Peter shared a glance before looking over at Gamora, sure she'd reject the idea in favor of your privacy. Surprisingly, she nodded in agreement.

"I have to admit, now I'm curious too." Gamora said with an almost embarrassed shrug.

And with that it was settled. Rocket told them his plan.

***

The next day when you went to retrieve your music player from your nightstand drawer, it was there as expected. However, when you went to power it on nothing happened.

You groaned, walking out into the common area to look for Peter. Once you found him you asked if he had any spare batteries, only to be disappointed when he didn't.

"Although," Peter said, "If you're gonna walk down to the store to get some I'll transfer you some units to bring back a case of soda."

You agreed to bring him back some soda, but told him not to worry about the units as you headed out the door, having been convinced to take little Groot with you last minute. You never could resist those little eyes of his.

The team waited a few moments to make sure you weren't coming back for anything before telling Rocket to make his hasty trip to go get your music player from your room.

Your batteries hadn't died, Rocket had just quietly replaced them with dead ones while you were sleeping. He switched them back once he got back to where the rest of the team had gathered around the table.

Rocket grinned, thinking he was about to hit the jackpot on embarrassing secrets from you. "What do ya think it is?" he asked, handing the player to Peter. "I bet it's boy-bands."

Peter powered on the player and snickered. "What if it's that Justin Bieber guy that was always on the radio when we went to Terra?"

"Oh, he was awful. I would also be embarrassed to be caught willfully listening to his music." Drax said.

"I dunno, I still kinda think she's got dirty songs on there," Yondu laughed. "Ya saw how she blushed."

Peter rolled his eyes and began scrolling through your playlists. He raised an eyebrow. "I hardly recognize any of these songs." he said. "The only ones I recognize are ones I've already got on mine."

"Let me see," offered Kraglin. "I know more Xandarian songs, maybe they're some of those?" He scrolled for a bit before as Peter got up to grab something from a trunk behind him.

Peter sat back down and Kraglin handed the player back, shaking his head. "I don't recognize them either. Maybe they're Terran?"

"We'll see." Peter said, plopping the device he got from the trunk on the table and plugging it into the player. It was a speaker. "Here, now we can all hear it. Which one should I try first?"

"What's in her 'Recent's' list?" Gamora asked.

"First one says "Stay Alive," Peter says, "Oh! I actually think I know that one. My grandad used to listen to it, it's so old!" he laughed. "I didn't expect her to be into disco music though..." Peter hit play and as the lyrics came out he realized he was mistaken. "Oh... that's... That's not the song I thought it was at all..." he said in surprised concern.

♫♩"... Stay alive, stay alive For better days to come around.

When nothing is right in your head And all of your tears are shed I know how it seems, you're in this too deep But take it from me, it's not the end..." ♫♩

"Um..." Peter swiped to play a new, hopefully less depressing, song.

♫♩"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?" ♫♩

Nope. Peter swiped again.

♫♩"All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' Friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices tellin' me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for somethin' Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why" ♫♩

Peter furrowed his brow. The others shared concerned glances, but didn't say anything. He swiped again.

♫♩"It's caving in around me What I thought was solid ground I tried to look the other way But I couldn't turn around" ♫♩

*Swipe*

♫♩"Hello darkness my old friend..." ♫♩

Peter could already tell it was another depressing song, he backed out of the screen into the list of recently played songs seeing titles like: "Nightmare," and "I'm not okay (I promise)," and unfortunately more bluntly: "Don't try Suicide." They listened to a few more songs, and they were all depressing. You did have happier songs on your music player, but your "Recents" list was full of much more depressing songs, as if that's all you had listened to for a long time.

Nobody was smiling anymore, Rocket looked like he was sorry he came up with this idea. Even Drax clearly understood that they hadn't discovered anything good.

Yondu's expression was hard, "Well, I don't like this at all."

"I think we made a mistake." Mantis said, concern painting her features.

"But... she always seems so... ok?" Rocket said, his ears lowered. You were his friend. His prank buddy. He had no idea. "Do you really think...she, you know...?"

"I don't know? I mean, do you think she'd really not say anything if she was hurting this much? Wouldn't Mantis at least have picked up on it?" Peter asked. He looked over at Mantis expectantly.

"I can only feel other's emotions if I touch them," she started, "and... she's never actually let me touch her."

"What should we do?" asked Gamora.

***

You walked in a few minutes later to just catch the last bit of Peter saying something about having a talk with you.

"Have a talk with me about what?" you asked.

It was clear you had startled them, Gamora having spun to face you upon hearing you speak up, and she almost never got startled.

You chuckled, walking nearer the table to place your grocery sack on it. Groot hopped off your shoulder to run across the table to Rocket. "Oh gosh, I didn't mean to scare you guys! I got the soda you asked for- ...what's that?" Your demeanor changed from almost cheery to nervous, the blood draining from your face when you saw what was very clearly your music player plugged into a speaker. Your eyes shot to Peter, the one closest to your device. "Peter? What the fuck?"

"It was Rocket's idea!" Peter exclaimed, his guilt having managed to trip his self-preservation switch.

Rocket didn't even try to deny it. He looked at the ground, "I thought it'd be funny..." he muttered. Groot looked at him in confusion. His friend usually never looked sorry for anything.

You snatch your player from the table. It was currently off, leading you to believe there might have been a chance they didn't listen yet. "Boundaries!" you scold, putting the player in your pocket. "Seriously uncool!"

You went to turn around but you bumped into Yondu who had walked around the table while you were scolding Peter.

"Sit." he said, his face stony.

You look up at him in surprise before Gamora spoke up. "We... listened to the songs you had on your player... We just want to talk."

You just stare at her for a moment. "Seriously guys, what the fuck?!" you say, your tone exasperated and your eyebrows knitted together. "You know what? No. I don't want to talk. I'm going back out."

Yondu grabbed your arm as you tried to push past him. "No. Yer gonna sit." with that he walked you to the nearest open chair and made you sit. His tone wasn't angry, but it was firm.

You felt knots tying in your stomach. Gamora spoke again.

"Look, we're sorry we took your music player without asking, but now that we have, we're concerned."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. No. No no no. "I literally told you guys so many times-"

"I know," Peter said, "but please... Just- we need to know if you're ok."

"Of course I'm ok!" you lied. "Why would I not be ok?!"

"Cut the crap." Kraglin said. His tone didn't seem angry either, it almost seemed sad. "I seriously doubt you'd be listening to all that depressing stuff if you were actually ok."

You attempt to stand again, saying, "Look just screw off-" before you were silenced by Yondu firmly pushing down on your shoulder to stop you.

"Look, we care about ya, ya lil' shit, and we ain't about to just let ya keep suffering if yer hurtin."

That tore something in you.

"Please- guys." You clenched your jaw and looked at the floor. No. Fuck. Not right now. "Just-" You inhaled sharply. Dammit. You were not about to start crying right now. You screwed your eyes shut, before covering your face when you realized that wasn't going to stop the tears and not wanting them to see. "Fuck!"

It all flooded you. All the hurt. All the pain. The hopelessness. The humiliation of the current situation. The guilt of your friends worrying about you. The numbness shattering as white hot pain tore through your soul. You felt what you thought was Gamora putting a comforting hand on your shoulder and you tried to hold back a sob as every bad thought you had about yourself came flooding in. You started to shake, feeling shame as memories of thoughts about ending it all leaked out your eyes. How many nights you had stood in front of the airlock weighing whether that night would finally be the night you pushed that button.

From behind you you heard a strangled cry. A cry of pure anguish. It was only then you realized the hand on your shoulder couldn't have been Gamora's. It had come from behind you. She had been standing in front of you. You quickly jerk forward and turn around in your seat, wrenching yourself from Mantis's hand- but it was too late.

Mantis nearly doubled over, hands clawed into her chest as a sob lodged itself in her lungs. She had only wanted to make you feel better. She wasn't expecting the torrent to flood into her so forcefully, hadn't realized this wasn't something she could just make go away with her abilities. She had felt everything.

The others looked at her with wide, startled eyes. Drax pulled her in and held her, not really knowing what to do but trying to make the hurt go away. Poor little Groot didn't understand what was happening, and Rocket held him so he couldn't see. Peter and Gamora shared an alarmed glance.

You were speechless. You could only stare in horror witnessing what you- or rather your pain- had done to her. "Mantis-" was all you could manage, not knowing what else to say. You barely noticed your tears now started flowing freely down your cheeks. You stood up to run away, but just like every other time you had tried, Yondu stopped you. Only this time he pulled you tightly to his chest, his hand cradling the back of your head as if you were a newborn.

"Girl, why didn't you tell us?" you heard him say softly.

You allowed yourself to be held, not realizing until that very moment just how badly you had needed to be. Fresh sobs broke from you and you buried your face into his chest when he said, "Shh now, little girl, I've got you."

[maggotmouth]

          hillo sexthy legends !!   i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !!  x o x

     * CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER  | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS  like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

—   born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

—  its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

—  margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

—  for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

—  at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

—  she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

—  a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.  

—  she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away.  it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

—  after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.  

—  she works at summer camps coaching  junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

—  enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment. 

—  she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

—  used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

—  was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

—  nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

—  has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

—  she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

—  calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

—  stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

—  lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it  off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

—  constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

—  frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you,  indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you,  a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine. 

TLDR:  angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

[eddiemunsonspantschain]

Hi.

I have Covid. Uhm...because my extended family...is a pile of dicks.

So you might see me on here a bit bc I have the urge to write and I can’t do much of anything else...

I’m gonna rant down below

I am pissed,first and foremost. So first of all,I have asthma. My airways are 40% blocked and I have repeated this fact so many times I’m tired of hearing it bc apparently people don’t believe me. Anyways,my siblings and I didn’t wanna go to Christmas. For the most part bc we know our aunts,uncles and cousins are irresponsible and most of them are unvaccinated and refuse to be vaccinated. We ended up going to Christmas bc of the unfortunate crippling expectation to do family events. We tried to avoid being in rooms with to many people (mainly trying to stick to ourselves). The only time we were near our cousins was to sit and eat. We did not socialize with them otherwise. 

Days after Christmas,this past Wednesday the 29th,my little sisters were going to fly home. They found out from my grandmother that two of our cousins were sick. One of which tested positive for Covid. We were all pissed. My older sister and younger sisters all tested negative. My brother hasn’t been tested but hasn’t shown symptoms. I began feeling crud in my throat on the 29th actually. The 30th it developed into a cough bc of the ick in my throat and by the evening I had chills,sweats,body aches,some congestion and a low grade fever (100.7 actually). I had done an at home test that day which showed a sliiiight possible positive reading (they come with two tests in one box bc in the case that the first looks like it could be negative,you do the second test a day or two after. Which I did). I woke up with a 99.5 temp feelin not great. I took my second covid test and it was positive. False positives are hardly a thing so if it’s positive then well...it’s positive. (I am considering going for a PCR anyway but testing in my area is a fucking shit show)

Overall,I am pissed. Everything bad that could happen to me this year has. I had my move pushed back literally all year. The apartments I wanted I missed out on. My depression,anxiety and EDs have been...a struggle. And now I have Covid. Kick me while I’m down why don’t ya? The thing that pisses me off the most is that I expected to possibly get covid but mostly bc of where I work. Not from family. They don’t care about the virus despite having people around them who could be in danger health wise from Covid. My grandparents who both have now been thru Chemo. My mother is immune compromised and if they had infected my little sisters they woulda put my mom at risk. Then there is my brother and I who both have asthma. The carelessness of other people got me sick. And I wished I had stood up and told my father we weren’t going to go. Then maybe I wouldn’t be here....

The other thing that sucks is my dad was so nonchalant about me being positive. He’s going out rn...for a New Years Eve event. My brother simply told me to stay away from him. Only my best friend who is a registered nurse actually bothered to ask me if I was okay and told me some items to get. He himself has had Covid once before already. I don’t...have anyone to take care of me. Not really. I so far have still cooked my own food,cleaned and been walking the dog (wearing a mask and avoiding people). The people who would take care of me all live in the state I’m trying to move to. So...My ass is stuck taking care of myself until my covid is gone so.

This is ass. I uh...wanna just pack my shit and leave the second I can sign a lease. And I never wanna see my extended family again! Nope. This was the last straw for me.

[ask-jokeboi]

The Party

Hope everyone's having a great holiday season so far! This time of year isn't always easy but thankfully friends and a good distraction can make things easier. 

I drew these pic’s to pair with a moderately long fic I wrote to follow up the aforementioned party from earlier, it’s below the the cut! Read it if you want! Either way, Happy Holidays! 💜💚💛

Words: 4,142    Relationships: Harlivy /Harley & Joker friendship / Batjokes (mentioned)     Universe: Mine / Lego Batman

A/N: sorry for any typos or weird grammatical stuff, I'm good at art, not writing

Summary: Joker’s felt a little down since Batman’s been out of town, will his best friend Harley be able to cheer him up?

Warnings: Alcohol use, implied depression

_____________________

"C'mon Jay it'll be be fun!" Cheered Harley, mustering all the enthusiasm she could in an attempt to persuade Gotham's former clown prince of crime to pull himself together 

"I don't care!…. Go bother your girlfriend or something. Leave me alone…" He was currently piled under several layers of blankets, sunk deep into the ball pit he called a bed

"Nuh uh, I'm not haulin' my butt outta this room 'till you haul yours. You can stay in that pit and cry all ya like, but it won't fix nothin', you gott-"

"I don't GOTTA do anything!" Jay snapped. Throwing his blanket aside and revealing his less than kempt appearance, his face twisted into a frustrated glare

Harley, already familiar with Jay's usual harmless outbursts only sighed as she looked her long time friend up and down, taking in his surroundings with a curious eye

It'd been a month or two since Batman left the scene and his absence was definitely beginning to take a toll on the poor clown.

She could tell it'd been a while since he'd done anything to care for himself…. His hair, which was usually swept back into a flawless green pomp, lazily draped his face. The dull forest black of his roots beginning to seep back into the rest of it. Same could be said for the state his room which, due to his erratic nature, was always a bit untidy  but had recently fallen into a state of near disrepair. Bags of half eaten junk food and empty bottles of all sorts of things lay strewn across the floor, particularly around his half deflated bed.

Despite the mess, he still seemed a little...thin… more so than usual to be honest… his ribs visible beneath the loose shirt he wore, arms comparable to sticks despite the muscle.

most of all though, he just seemed... tired. Jay always looked tired out of makeup. It was one of the first things she'd managed to take note of when he'd first entered her office years ago…. But right now the purple rings beneath his eyes that never seemed to go away were deepened to a point that made it clear he wasn't getting much sleep or doing much for himself in general...

Seeing her best friend in a state like this was hard to witness… and although her partner, Ivy, didn't have much but mild disdain for Jay, Harley couldn't find it in herself to leave him like this… which is why she thought a party might lift his spirits a little 

"C'mooon! You love parties!! It'll just be a small one anyway!" It was actually much bigger than she was implying but Jay liked big and she didn't wanna scare him off too soon… 

"Yeah, like that'll make things any better… who did you even invite?? A good half of the rogues don't even like me…"

"Sure they do!"

Jay only looked at her, bereft and unimpressed. 

"I mean ok you and Riddler don't always get along and it took a lot a beggin' ta get ya un-banned from the iceberg lounge but still!!"

"Uhg whatever! It doesn't matter! I don't need those bozos seein' me like this anyway..."

"Like what?" 

"I don't know!  I'm just…... I'm not in the right… mood for something like that right now.... You know how this works… they'd see right through me. "

Back when Jay was still her patient they'd end up talking a lot about masks…Batman's would come up more often than not but every now and then he'd end up discussing his own…. Or more specifically, the metaphorical one he'd put on every time he picked up a brush and painted himself a new face…..

"Jay, sweetie…  you don't have to pretend to be okay… they won't think you're weak or nothin', you know that right?..."

Jay gave her an incredibly tired look before turning away.

"What happened to the Jay that wasn't afraid to let people know how he's feelin' huh? The one that turned every emotion into a show….?"

He kept his head down, shoulders stiff, before speaking...

"....Cause I'm not just sad this time…. " As he looked up slowly an emotion that was rarely seen on the mans face showed itself, flooding his eyes. 

"W- when I'd talked to Robin and Batgirl that last time and asked about Batman they gave each other this look and…. Something's wrong… he's in trouble or something I… I can feel it…..  W-what if he doesn't come back and he leaves me here all alone an-" 

Harley put a polished nail up to Jay's lips and smiled warmly.

"Shhhh…. You're worryin' too much puds… ur big dumb brain is just an overdramatic liar… don't listen to it okay?" 

Jay sniffled, giving her an understanding nod.

"You still got me an' your crew an' Bud and all the other little silly things that make ya days good doncha?"

He smiles halfheartedly. "Y-yeah…. But still… he was..."

"I know… he's special….but do you seriously think anything out there could actually kill Batman? THE Batman? C'mon now….  He's luckier than any bastard out there and you know it…"

"Yeah…. Yeah I guess ur right"

"Of COURSE I'm right!… now come on…" she offers her hand and helps her friend stand up. "Let's get that hair done and those nails shined up  so you're brain can take a break from making all those nasty thoughts" 

Jay smiled a little wider this time, forever grateful he had a friend as great as Harley around… he really didn't know what he'd do without her sometimes...

"Right…. Also… uh…. Harley?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for….uh…. Bein'... around… I guess…" Jay practically mumbled...

Harley smiled knowingly, amused with his poor attempt of gratitude

"No problem, Pud's….." she gave him a peck on the forehead leaving a black smudge behind 

"now enough mush...Let's clean this mess and get ya fabbed up"

________________

A few hours later, Jay stood outside the titular iceberg lounge in his best winter fit, a long boa around his shoulders and a pair of unnecessary sunglasses obscuring the mascara he'd only half ruined on the way there…. 

He truly, honestly, did not feel like socializing with anyone at the moment, but who was he to refuse a doctor's orders?....

Taking a deep breath of the cold winter air, Jay stiffened up, smoothed the wrinkles from his vintage memphis style sweater and entered the lounge, heels high and head high as he could manage 

____________

When the doors swung open with a swirl of winter snow, Jay was greeted by a surprisingly full and stunningly silent room. Christmas music cut through the tension like a knife as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Joker's fashionably late arrival.

He didn't know if it was because of his natural ability to demand attention or the fact that he hadn't been seen in nearly 3 weeks, but for some reason the room seemed slightly on edge. worried he'd come with another Joker brand surprise perhaps. Thankfully, Harley, who'd left his place a little earlier to get everything ready, noticed who'd finally arrived.

"JJ!! YOU MADE IT!!" she leaped off her stool and came running to grab him, The rest of the room taking it as a cue to un-tense and to go back to their festivities, the lounge lighting up  with warm greetings and laughter.

" Hey…" said Jay as Harley put an arm around his shoulder and escorted him to the booth she was sitting at….  

"So… is all of this for me or…?"

"No, did she tell you that?" Ivy who was sitting at the booth with his other less than fond acquaintance, Catwoman and someone else he didn't seem to recognize, gave a snide smile, Jay suddenly felt he should probably sit someplace else

"IVY!! SHHH" Harley shushed

"What? He was gonna find out out eventually…. It was supposed to be Penguin's annual winter ball" 

"Uh,It still is tho…?" said Kat, mouth full of shrimp 

"Well, yah…. Difference is we had to 'finesse' Penguin into letting HIM in" Ivy explained, disdain in her voice

"And you... helped with that?..." asked Jay, surprised. Ivy sighed

"for Harley's sake, yes. not yours" 

Jay smiled, amused. "well how charitable of you, here's to hoping you won't regret it"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "As if I don't already" she said, taking a short sip from her drink, Harley sitting down next to her give her thank u peck on the cheek.

"Hey, why'd you get banned from this dump anyway?" Asked Kat, eyes squinting curiously 

"I have no idea…." Jay shrugged 

"He put a coke and mento bomb in the fountain!" Harley interrupted 

"Oh yeah…." He'd totally forgot

"Ha! Awesome…" 

"Right uh, anyway, who the hell are you?" Jays attention suddenly turned to the woman sitting opposite of kat. She had light blue skin, bright white eyes and hair that made her look like a human lighting rod.

"Name's Livewire." She said, voice sharp as her appearance 

"She's from Metropolis" explained Ivy. Jay rose a brow.

"Metropolis huh?? How'dya like dealin' with boy scout full time over there?" He quizzed 

"Sweet!…" she exclaimed enthusiastically "Big blue aint got a thing on me! 'sides, dweeb's been outta town for months now! metropolis might as well be my personal playground"

The mentioning of Superman's absence made something in Jay's chest twist. He'd known their neighbor hero had been MIA for even longer than Batman, Supergirl taking over the workload just like Batgirl had in Gotham. but still… the reminder was enough to worry him. I mean… if superman was taking so much time up there, what chance did Batman have against whatever it was they were so busy with??

Trying his best to shake off the uneasiness building in his stomach Jay took a breath and snapped back to reality, offering Livewire his hand

"Well, uh... Livewire, i'm this city's head honcho while the bat's gone so welcome to Gotham and try not to wear it out" 

Harley and Ivy exchanged looks as Jay smiled slyly and took Livewires hand…

...Only for his usual gesture of hospitality to be met with an equally shocking grip that sent blue sparks flying in every direction.

"DAMN, what the- !! " Jay yanked his hand back and held it in pain, hot needles running up his arm.The new addition to Harley's crew laughed crudely and smiled

 "why do you think they call me 'LIVEWIRE' genius?" 

Jay stayed silent with defeat as the table went up in hysterics "Yeah fine, okay, I shoulda saw that one coming" he sighed and smoothed out his hair which had sprung up to stand on end, his face ever so slightly red "anyway, you ladies have a nice time… i'll set up shop somewhere else and let you guys… idk… flirt with each other or whatever..." without much fanfare he slunk off to sit someplace else.

After the table had settled down completely though, Harley noticed Jay making his way to the bar looking somewhat dejected.

"Aw Jay…." 

The rest curiously turned their attention to the direction of Harley's gaze.

"You're not going after him are you?" Asked Ivy after a beat.

"Well… yeah…?" Harley shrugged.

"Uhm, why?" Asked kat, dipping more shrimp into her cocktail "like if he's not in the mood for a joke that's kinda his problem…?"

"Yeah, but still…. I've never seen 'im like this for so long…. He's usually so funny and animated, it's like somethin' drained all the life out of 'im…." The concern on Harley's face was very apparent. Ivy brushed back a few strands of her hair and tried her best to reassure her.

"Look i'm sure he'll get his second wind when Batman comes back at some point… but ‘til then it's not your job to take care of him…" 

Harley sighed silently. "I know but… he's still my best friend… and if I hadn't met him, I wouldn'ta met you!" She squished close to her spouse with a smile, Ivy suddenly unable to hold back a small one herself.

"He helped me outta my slump all those years ago, least I can do is help 'im outta his..."

Ivy gave her a soft look before reluctantly caving "Kindness has always been your best and worst trait, silly bee…" she said with a smirk "fine, go ahead and do your thing, I've got plenty of company over here in the meantime…"

Harley smiled happily and gave her one last kiss before running off to join Jay at the bar.

____________

Jay sat alone at the bar in silence until he was suddenly startled by Harley's arrival.

 "What's shakin' grumpy gills?" She asked pulling up a stool.

Jay didn't answer as the bartender slid over a funfetti martini topped with the works, Jay lazily catching it and drinking deeply.

"Those guys didn't get ta ya did they? I know they seem mean bu- "

"Ah… I don't care about them…" said Jay dismissively  "we're all villains here right? I'm sure they got their reasons… sides, Livewire's pretty fun even if she did fry my Joy buzzer" He said regretfully…

"So what's up then…?" Asked Harley, head tilted 

Jay looked down at the table with a frown, fingers anxiously scraping the side of the glass in his hand….

"What she'd said about metropolis…. And… superman…."

"Oh…"  Harley nodded "well…. I'm sure they're together wherever they are…. Right? Him and Batman? And I mean, with Superman around, he's bound to be okay….." 

Jay had a hard time matching her enthusiasm but that logic did comfort him some. "Yeah… yeah I guess so"

"C'mon Jay, you gotta get that stuff off your mind for a minute! Go mingle! Go dance!… look at everyone who came this time! Turn-out's never been so big!"

As Jay's looked around the room, Harley did have a point, usually these get-togethers only managed to scrounge up about half the gang, but it looked like almost all the rogues in town had come this time. Even D-listers like Polkadot man, Killer Moth, Crazy Quilt ect. Had managed to show up, plus people he didn't seem to recognize…

For example at the bar sat Scarecrow and a… Oddly scruffy looking man he looked to be sharing a drink with. He'd heard from Riddler over the phone some time ago that crow had found himself a friend and that the two were "in cahoots".  whatever that was supposed to mean. He supposed that must've been the "friend" in question…

A few tables down sat another unfamiliar  in a polkadot shirt and a pair of cracked thick lensed glasses. He had a peculiar looking puppet sitting on his lap which made J raise a brow, but he didn't judge. Looking at his woefully nervous face he guessed it must it must've been a security thing anyway… 

Despite the big crowd though, Jay did notice one person missing of whom he hadn't seen in quite a while...

"Yeah I guess everyone is here...  except uh, Lex I guess…?" Jay considered himself friends with metropolises king of corruption, even if the feeling wasn't always mutual. Seeing so many crooks he knew in one place made him realize how rare it was to see the mal hearted mogul at these things.

Unfortunately, Harley could only shrug with defeat. "Ah I tried to get Lex but you know how he is… nobody's seen that shut in for ages".

Jay's eyes narrowed at that "How long is ages…. ?" He pressed

"I dunno… a few months guess???  Livewire said he's been quiet lately, probably off in one of his labs making some over convoluted instrument of destruction I guess"

The growing list of missing big shots was beginning to piece something together in Jay's head… what on earth was Lex up to? Where was superman?? Why did the league need Batman's help? How did it all connect?? After a moment Harley noticed Jay slipping into his thoughts again and shook his shoulder lightly to pull him out of it.

"Hey, don't worry about that egghead. he'd only kill the mood if he were here anyway" 

Jay couldn't disagree, the billionaire was kind of notorious for being a giant stick in the mud.

"If you're really worried about what's goin' on with those guys, you can come up with a plan Tomorrow…. right now we got a' open dance floor, unlimited drinks and a Karaoke competition that's about ta kick off in ten"

The word 'Karaoke' was enough to snap Jay back to reality. "Did you say Karaoke?" 

"Yes, I did."

"Do they hav-"

"Yes, they have Queen" 

Jay nearly looked as if someone had told him the best news of his life. "Oh thank god" maybe Harley was right. Worrying would have to wait. 

_____________

The rest of the night went on with few hang ups. Drinks poured, music played and poorly screeched lyrics kept the mood upbeat.

The Karaoke stage hosted performance after performance, some more enthusiastic than others. Some painful, others surprisingly pleasant. Jay's teetered off the edge of both categories, but when "somebody to love" burst through those speakers, he'd sung it with his whole chest. The best performance by a long shot though had to be Ivy's who's affinity for 50's ballads lent to her beautifully rich voice and her's was closely followed by the Dent's who'd decided to attempt a duet with no chorus which everyone found somewhat impressive.

Emotions did flare up once or twice though, as they tend to do when it comes to villain gatherings. Ed and Jay got into a fight about something stupid and unimportant, both obviously enjoying themselves, Bane and Croc engaged in an arm wrestle that woefully ended in a tie, and Jay inevitably got worked up about Batman again, this time with a crowd of eager listeners somewhat entertained by his rambling, giving questionable advice here and there.

At the get-together's height, the dance floor had filled to the point where Penguin was just about ready to call the whole event off until Riddler dragged him on to the floor himself.

After another hour or so the party wound down some more and the night devolved into quiet discussions between friends, everyone either ready to leave or half asleep. Eventually Jay and Two-face of all people were left alone. Once Ed, Crow, Hatter and the rest had gone home.

Jay always liked Harv, for someone known for his temper he seemed to have a lot of patience and Jay found both of his selves uniquely interesting in their own ways. Harvey the "handsome" one was always very nice, easily flustered, and had a sadness in his eyes that was hard to ignore. "Dent", the one famous for all those 2 themed crimes, was a bold individual and one of the most brutally honest people he knew. That night though, even he seemed a little sad. He admitted later that it was because it'd been a while since he'd gotten to talk to his old pal Bruce, someone Jay was mildly familiar with of course, and they spent the rest of the night discussing Batman and wayne and how they seemed so similar until it really was time to head home. 

 sometime after midnight, long after everyone had either left or found someplace to pass out, Harley broke up with her girl gang again to come get Jay who'd fallen asleep in an empty booth.

"Wake up clown" she said loudly, nudging him a bit. Jay giggled quietly in response, turning over after a moment and opening his eyes.

"Oohh what's up??"

"Time to go." 

"Aw…" Jay huffed disappointedly, then did his best to sit up straight, his head slowly spinning as he did so "ah jeeze…"

"Don't worry I called one of your guys, he's waiting outside." She explained "I dragged you here, might as well drag you home" 

"You did that for me?" Jay smiled "That's so nice…."

"Mhm" carefully, she took his hand got him to his feet, doing her best to keep him up straight. As they headed out they met up with Ivy at the door

"Taking pennywise home?" She asked 

"It'll only take a minute" Harley assured 

"Alright… don't take too long…" she turned to leave but before she could, Jay suddenly spoke up.

"H-hey, Wait!" 

Ivy turned around, brow raised "You have something to say to me?"

"Uh… yeah? I mean… sort of? I just, uh… wanted to say i'm sorry for…  messing up your garden all those times…." 

Ivy blinked "Why are you telling me this now?"

"I just thought you shud kno….  And that um…. Maybe you'd hate me…. A little less... if I said sorry for once..." the frown on Jays face was absolutely pitiful, Ivy could only roll her eyes.

"I don't hate you… Joker"

"Oh?"

"I just think you're annoying…."

"Oh…." Jay couldn't really tell if that was any better but at the moment he was too drunk to care. "Okay…"

With that ivy turned around to join Kat and Livewire

"Thanks for the apology though I suppose…Take care of yourself…. And, Harley don't take too long… it's only 1:00am we still have plans."

"Don't worry Ive's  i'll catch up." 

after one last look, Ivy went back on her way and Harley continued walking J to his car.

As they went Jay hummed to himself, swaying slightly, until a certain thought made him go quiet again.

"....Harley….?" He asked suddenly.

"Yeah, J?"

"Am I a bad friend?" The question just as out of the blue as his apology to Ivy…. 

Harley looked at him, concerned "Why do ya ask?"

"I just…. Please?" He pleaded. Harley hesitated for a long moment but decided being honest was probably best.

" not exactly but… maybe sometimes"

"Hm…" Jay decided he'd have to work on that

"But I also know ya don't really wanna hurt anybody…. That you try your best everyday ta make people happy and that you've been through just as much any of us….  A few mean comments an' dumb pranks ain't gonna make anybody think you're the devil or somethin'….not me or any of the other guys... "

Jay had to smile at that, Harley always had something smart or nice to say no matter what. still, her answer only made him feel worse about how he'd been earlier when she was just trying to help… he really, honestly, didn't deserve her…. But the least he could do was let her know he was glad to have her...

"Harley…?"

"Yeah, J…"

"Thanks for being really, really great all the time… and… y'know… around… " Harley smiled as she secured his arm around her shoulders. 

"Thanks J..." 

"also sorry for sucking sometimes..."

She sighed. "It's fine Jay…."

carefully, she hauled his ragdolling body a few more feet and shoved him into the back seat of his car. J grunting as his head hit the leather seat.

"Now go home an' try not to get lost on your way to the door" She said sternly. Jay gave her a lazy wink and a pair of wobbly finger guns.

"Gotcha." 

with that,Harley slammed the door shut and the J-Mobile's engine roared to life. One his lackeys sitting in the driver's seat.

"Where to boss? HQ?"

"Yup… ah, sorry t' call ya out so late…"

"S'alright boss…. Don't worry about it"

As the car lurched forward, street lights shining in through the windows as snow fell ever so lightly over Gotham like a dusting of fresh powdered sugar, Jay did inevitably start thinking about Batman again, wondering when he'd come back, desperately wishing he knew anything about where he was right now….

The thoughts were hard to ignore and when he got home he knew he'd be surrounded by the same walls he'd spent the last month trapped with them in….  even so, the world felt a little less washed out than it had before he left, and it wasn't just because of the alcohol swirling in his blood. 

He may not have had Batman... But today reminded him he wasn't alone.

He had friends… real friends… In a way he'd always considered them such… but deep down there was always doubt. I mean sure he got along better with some than others, but after knowing people so long he shouldn't have been so dumb to think they hated him as much as he thought they did. 

When you're a villain in Gotham sometimes all you have are other weirdos in the same boat as you to help keep you and everyone else afloat. People need people in more ways than one…  and as Jay drifted off to sleep in the back of his gaudy getaway vehicle, laying in a position that was just barely comfortable, he pushed his worries aside and made sure that was something he'd never let himself forget.

~ End ~

[sohotthateveryonedied]

When Everyone Who Loves me Has Died

Read here on AO3!

Summary:

"Everything is as it should be, yet here I am, still feeling like I’m missing something.”

“Like what?” Tim can’t remember the last time he saw Harley sit still and listen for so long without getting fidgety. Either she's learning self-control, or Tim's life is just really fucking depressing.

“Like...I don’t know.” Tim scratches his thumbnail against some dried paint, unable to feel the chill of the metal through his glove. “Everyone is back, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they were dead. That part still happened, regardless of whether they came back or not. It’s like—like burning a hole in a piece of paper and covering it with tape. It doesn’t heal anything.”

Whoever came up with the concept of mind over matter should be imprisoned for false advertising. Tim has been trying to get his mind over the matter for months now, and the matters are still very much gripping the steering wheel. If anything, his mind gave in and slid into the passenger seat, going along for the ride. Tim is sitting on a billboard platform, Lex Luthor’s ginormous bald self providing a nauseating backdrop as he advertises whatever world domination kick he’s on at the moment. Tim watches the cars go by on the highway, utterly indifferent to the tiny speck of a vigilante watching from above. His cowl is down, but he isn’t worried. It’s unlikely that anyone will be able to spot him up here, civilian or otherwise. Besides, it gets harder and harder to breathe under the weight of the mask these days. He was supposed to be getting better. The days are coming in at longer intervals, which should be a relief. Days when he gets “dark and twisty” as Jason lovingly calls it, which isn’t too far off, Tim supposes. Something inside of him is definitely twisted, coiled into a furl of darkness where there used to be light. God, he needs therapy. He should be getting better. There is no logical reason to be feeling this way. Not anymore. Not when things are finally back where they should be after years of grief. Maybe something has been knocked loose in his brain, keeps him on this brink he can’t seem to sway to either side of. He’s not happy, but he’s not completely sad either. There’s no logic to it, no reason. No closure. Is this how ghosts feel? Like they’re straddling the in-between, stuck feeling like everything they have is just slightly out of reach? “Why the long face, kiddo?”

Tim is up in an instant, fumbling to pull his cowl back over his face. He raises his bo staff at the prowler, only to find Harley standing at the other end of the platform, her arms packed with reusable grocery bags. She’s wearing civilian clothes: a Nightwing tank top and leather pants that look like she doused them in glue and rolled around in a kiddie pool filled with glitter. Tim relaxes. He lowers his staff. “You shouldn’t do that. I could have knocked your head off.” “Nah, I’m too good to be taken down by a twelve-year-old.” “I’m eighteen.” “You sure? ‘Cause I could have sworn you were still in middle school.” “Hilarious.” “Thanks, I’ve been thinkin’ about doing some comedy on the side to pay the bills. Eddie says I’ve got a real knack for it.” Harley sits on the edge of the platform beside the spot where Tim was before. “I asked you a question, by the way.” “Bruce is going to kill me if he finds out I’m hanging out with you.” Fine, so that’s a minor exaggeration. Bruce will always have beef with Harley regardless of how many good deeds she does. Dick’s theory is that Bruce has some lingering bitterness from his and Harley’s rivalry from med school, and he probably isn’t too far off. The rest of the family is far looser when it comes to trusting Harley; Alfred even sent her a Hanukkah gift last year. “You and I both know Brucie is in Metropolis this week.” At Tim’s inquiring look, she explains, “My mom is friends with him on Facebook. So, are you gonna spill or what? ‘Cause I’ve got ice cream here and I swear to god I’ll fill your nostrils with tapioca if it melts.” Tim rolls his eyes. He lets his cowl fall back against his neck and sits beside Harley. “I’m fine.” “And that’s why you’re hanging out here all angsty-like?” “I’m not angsty.” “You’re the angstiest person on this fuckin’ billboard.” Which, fine, that’s probably true. “I don’t need a PHD to tell that something’s eating ya, kid. Which I do, by the way. Got the certificate and everything.” Tim gestures to her grocery bags. “I thought you had somewhere to be.” “What, these ol’ things? Nah. I just have a date with Pam-a-lamb tonight and had to borrow some supplies.” “Borrow?” “The manager there was a dick, anyways. He’s the one who got all snappy when I ate all the free samples, so trust me. He deserved to get his stuff stolen.” “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” “I’ll go back and return the thirty-seven scratch-offs I took if you tell me what’s bothering you.” Tim looks out over the black horizon, the moon barely visible behind the clouds. “It’s nothing.” “Everything is something. Gandhi said that.” “Pretty sure he didn’t.” “What, did you personally know the guy?” She nudges Tim with her elbow. “Well? Spit it out, Timberlake.” Tim lets out a breath. “It’s just...you know when you lose something really important to you? And you miss it, but after a while, when you’ve already accepted that you’ll never see it again, you find it? And you’re happy to have it back, but there’s still...something is missing. Almost like you never found it at all, you know?” “Not really, no.” Tim’s mouth twitches upward. “I’ve spent the past two years in mourning, but now I don’t have to mourn anymore. Everything is perfect again.” Harley arches an eyebrow. “Lemme guess, you don’t know why you still feel like you’re grieving?” Tim nods. “Small fry, that’s not a symptom. That’s normal for someone in your situation.” “No, it isn’t. I should be happy right now. I should—I should be the happiest I’ve ever been. I spent so long trying to make everything right again, and I did it. Conner is back. Bart is back. Bruce is back. Everything is as it should be, yet here I am, still feeling like I’m missing something.” “Like what?” Tim can’t remember the last time he saw Harley sit still and listen for so long without getting fidgety. Either she's learning self-control, or Tim's life is just really fucking depressing. “Like...I don’t know.” Tim scratches his thumbnail against some dried paint, unable to feel the chill of the metal through his glove. “Everyone is back, but that doesn’t erase the fact that they were dead. That part still happened, regardless of whether they came back or not. It’s like—like burning a hole in a piece of paper and covering it with tape. It doesn’t heal anything.” “Well, of course it doesn’t.” Tim looks at her, surprised. Harley’s eyes are serious for once, void of humor. “Having all your folks back doesn’t erase the fact that they were gone. Grief is what makes us human. Still feelin’ bad after everything is fixed just means you’re still working on it.” “That’s it?” Harley’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s it?” “I thought you were going to...I don’t know, crack open some huge revelation and make me realize it’s all in my head or something.” “I mean, it kind of is in your head.” Harley tugs on one pink pigtail. “Grief doesn’t come from your feet, Timantha.” “So...how do I fix it?” Harley shrugs, sitting back and swinging her legs in the air. “Fuck if I know. Go see a therapist or something?” Tim snorts. “I’d rather not.” “What, you got a prior engagement? Too busy for psychoanalysis?” “I can’t exactly go to a normal therapist and explain to them that all of my friends are superheroes and my dad is Batman.” “Hm. Point taken, bird boy.” Harley goes to boop his nose, but Tim swats her away. “Talk to me then. I’m a dandy good listener.” “Thanks, but I’m good.” “I’m serious. Got the license to practice and everything.” “I’m pretty sure psychology licenses expire once you’re imprisoned for terrorism.” “Well, jeez, go and insult me, why don’tcha? And after I offer my help like the good citizen I am.” She stands, picking up her shopping bag. Then she digs around in her pockets and comes out with a small white card. She hands it to Tim. Harley Quinn — hit(wo)man, psychiatrist, bounty hunter, dog walker, mercenary, finder of lost things, life coach. “And that’s just the tip of the iceberg,” she says with a wink. “I’m also considering goin’ into doggie makeovers.” “I don’t know,” Tim says. “I won’t go blabbing your information to Croc or no one, cross my heart. I strictly abide by the doctor/patient confidentiality rules.” A pause. “Most of the time.” Then she looks back at the billboard of Lex, looking for the world like a vengeful Mr. Clean god. “I’m sure he won’t tattle.” “I don’t think the Justice League would think very highly of one of their own getting therapy from an ex-supervillain.” “So? Fuck them, they’re a bunch of crusty old people anyway. Come on, think about it, Timberly. I’ll even give you the friends and family discount so long as you bring doughnuts when you visit. Teen angst makes me hungry.” Tim considers it for a moment, then sighs. “I’m free on Thursday afternoons.” Harley grins. “It’s a date, bird boy.”

[somnolent-scout]

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This was a tough one because I recently wrote a lot of good stuff in Charlotte.

Major Spoilers for Charlotte

I'd have to say I'm pretty proud of Mundy's proposal. Here's some of that:

Back in the creek, Jeremy is peacefully resting in the warmth of the creek water. His mind was put at ease. The baby was asleep. Charlotte hadn't done any kicking for the past twenty minutes. That was a miracle in Jeremy's opinion. He might just fall asleep as well.

"Hey, Love.." Mundy spoke in that low gravelly voice he loved so much. Though it wasn't a suggestive tone this time. It was a calm, quiet, and comforting tone. One that made the atmosphere around them even more peaceful and loving.

"Mm.. Hi." Jeremy smiled, leaning his head back to look at the man behind him. "Need somethin'?"

"Nah, I was wonderin' if ya wanted some belly rubs while you're over here relaxin'." Mundy was a little nervous, but he played it cool. "Or shoulder rubs. I can do that too."

"Hmm.. can you do both?"

"Sure."

"Sit in the water with me.. it's real nice." Jeremy said, sitting up and shifting forward a little. Mundy sat down, getting into the usual position they sat in: Jeremy laying in between Mundy's legs, with his back resting against his chest. Jeremy felt the other's calloused hands against his belly. They rubbed little circles into the usually sore spaces. He let little noises of appreciation slip out.

"This creek's real beautiful, isn't it? Nice find, I think." Mundy said, still using that soft yet rough voice. "I found it while drivin' one day. But ya know what's more beautiful?" Jeremy didn't realize he was expecting a response until it had already been an awkward minute. He made a 'hmm?' noise in response.

"You." Mundy continued. "When you and I first met, I thought you were cute. Right from the get go, you made me feel somethin'. When you started comin' to my campfire and babbled about your life, I felt a little annoyed. But you'd just continue to get me feelin' somethin'. I didn't know what it was until one night I told ya some terrible joke. You laughed and boy, I knew I was in love. So when ya kissed me while sober the next evenin', I just melted into your arms."

"And my hips too." Jeremy snickered. "Havin' you dry humpin' me and kissin' me until we're outta breath was the best night ever."

"Yeah, I can't say I disagree." Mundy blushed. "Every moment I spend with ya is probably gonna be a moment I'll cherish."

"Even when it's me throwin' up all over your van 'cause of the baby? Or that time you fucked me so hard I was sore and stuck in your bed for three days?" Jeremy snickered quietly at that last one. That was a weekend he, personally, didn't want to forget.

"Well, not every moment…" Mundy chuckled nervously. "There's a few memories that'll stay with me forever. That moment by the campfire, fourth of July, the day we got James back from Teufort, the first day of your pregnancy.. boy, that changed my life forever. When you came out of respawn and ya told me that you could feel Charlotte in there, I wanted to cry. I was so damn happy."

"Heh.. I felt really weird that day." Jeremy mumbled.

"When I saw Charlotte on the ultrasound for the first time, I felt like cryin' tears of joy. I could see her. When Charlotte started movin' around and you could see it, I might've been terrified in the moment. But I was really excited about it. 'cause it meant that she's alive in there." Mundy stopped rubbing and just placed his hands on Jeremy's belly. "Now that she's gettin' bigger and we're gettin' closer to your due date.."

"Ughh.. don't remind me." Jeremy scoffed.

"Sorry.." Mundy paused for a moment. "Sometimes I imagine our future.. Havin' a nice home with lots of space, a big backyard, pine trees surroundin' the place.. I see our two kids sittin' at the kitchen table. Charlotte sittin' next to James.. and you sittin' next to me. I can't really imagine a life without you, Jeremy. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you." Jeremy felt Mundy remove his hands from his belly. He heard a box opening and closing. He was in a sleepy trance for most of their little conversation. But when he talked about living the rest of his life with him and heard a box opening, he woke up from the trance. He was paying full attention now.

"Will you marry me, Jeremy?" Mundy asked, whispering the words softly near the boy's ear. Jeremy sat straight up. He processed the question, not trying to decide on whether or not he should agree, but whether it was real or not.

I was struggling with some pretty severe depression and anxiety when I wrote it. I was mentally unstable and unable to tell if something was offensive or not. So I took a big risk writing this when I did. But I think I nailed it. It's really one of my favorite scenes in Charlotte and one of my favorite pieces of dialogue.

Also, he said yes.

[littlespoonevan]

Gallavich + "You want me to do /what/?” :)

i became overwhelmed with a need for mickey to be held so then this happened askjdf i hope you like it, bb

*

Ian getting up before Mickey isn’t exactly a rareoccurrence – if his alarm doesn’t wake him, his internal body clock alwaysdoes. You end up taking your meds at the same time every morning for about fouryears and that’ll happen. So it’s not all that unusual for him to leave asleeping Mickey in bed in the morning while Ian gets a head start on his day.

What isunusual is that Mickey still isn’t up by the time Ian’s sitting down forbreakfast.

Sure, Mickey isn’t really a morning person and hetends to take longer to drag himself out of bed than Ian does but he’s alwaysup by now. Especially on a morning that he has work.

Setting his half-eaten toast aside, Ian makes his wayback upstairs to their room. He frowns when he finds Mickey still curled up onhis side, seemingly fast asleep. Crouching down beside their bed, he cards hisfingers through Mickey’s hair. “Mick,” he calls softly. “Time to get up.”

Mickey makes an unintelligible noise but doesn’totherwise react except to lean into Ian’s touch a bit more.

“You’re gonna be late,” Ian tells him, struggling tokeep the fondness out of his voice as he rubs his thumb over Mickey’s eyebrow. Theheat of Mickey’s skin makes him pause and he presses the back of his hand toMickey’s forehead.

“Hey, Mick, wake up,” Ian coaxes again. “Are youfeeling alright? You’re really hot.”

Mickey groans, rolling onto his back. “Yeah, Ifucking know that, Gallagher. You tell me all the time.”

Ian rolls his eyes, pushing up to sit on the edge ofthe bed. “I mean you’re burning up. Are you sick?”

Mickey grumbles something Ian can’t hear before hehuffs. “I jus’ have a headache. I don’t get sick.”

Ian raises a sceptical eyebrow. “You sure? Because itkinda seems to me like you’re getting the start of a headcold. Y’know,” he addspointedly. “In my professional opinion.”

Mickey glares at him, bunching the covers up betweenhis fists like a five year old. “I’m fine.” As if to prove it he attempts tosit up only to grab Ian’s leg for balance a moment later when he moves tooquickly.

“Call work,” Ian says decisively. “Tell ‘em you’resick.”

“You want me to do what?” Mickey asks, voice flat.

“I want you to use one of your sick days as an actualfucking sick day for once,” Ian replies, gently urging Mickey to lie back down.He’ll take any excuse he can get not to go into work but when he’s actuallycoming down with something suddenly he’s fuckin’ employee of the month.

“Call them,” Ian repeats, grabbing Mickey’s phone offthe nightstand and shoving it into his hand. Mickey glares at him again butdoes as he’s told. As soon as he’s distracted with his phone Ian takes a betterlook at him and he really doesn’tlook too good. His throat sounds scratchy and it’s clearly not just from beingasleep, his cheeks are red and his forehead looks clammy.

Hesitating for only a second, Ian climbs off the bedand reaches for his own phone. He gets through to his boss on the second ring. “Hey,listen I’m sorry this is such short notice but I don’t think I’m gonna make itinto work today.”

He feels Mickey’s gaze snap to him and Ian holds up ahand to stop him from saying anything.

“Yeah,” Ian says down the line. “One of the kid’s issick-“ He gets a middle finger for that one. “-and I can’t send ‘em intonursery with it. I can try to make it in for the afternoononce someone else gets home.”

“No,” his boss sighs on the other end of the phone. “It’salright, take care of the kid. I’ll swap your shift and put you on Saturdayinstead. That sound good?”

“Thanks,” Ian answers gratefully. “I’ll see youtomorrow.”

As soon as he hangs up the phone he turns around tofind Mickey watching him with a petulant scowl, arms folded across his chest. “Thefuck you do that for?”

“They were more likely to let me take the day off if Isaid it was Franny,” Ian says, slipping off his uniform jacket and starting tounbutton his shirt. Now that he actually doesn’t have anywhere to be, sweats soundvery appealing.

“I mean, why’d you take the day off at all, shithead,”Mickey grouses and Ian reminds himself that Mickey’s sick and thereforeunderstandably grumpy so he resists the urge to tell him to shut the fuck up.

Sighing, Ian gets back on the bed, crawling overMickey until he’s covering him with his body, and reaches up to brush the hairback off his face. “You always takecare of me when I’m sick. Let me return the favour.”

Mickey seems to deflate at his words, his gazesoftening into something quiet. “Guess it wouldn’t be so bad if you stuckaround for the day.”

Ian gives him a wide smile, shifting forward to kisshis forehead. “You want anything? Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Mickey says finally, looking extremelyunsettled at the idea of being taken care of. And that just breaks Ian’s hearta little. Sure, they look out for each other and take care of each other allthe time in the general sense but it’s rare that Mickey’s the vulnerable one – orallowing himself to be the vulnerableone. It just makes Ian’s resolve firmer that he’s gonna do whatever Mickeyneeds today, no questions asked.

*

It turns out, what Mickey needs today is just someoneto lie with him.

After Ian’s made him breakfast and given him some Advilfor the pain in his head Mickey quietly admits that his joints are aching a bitso Ian manoeuvres them around until he’s sitting up against the wall withMickey lying between his legs, his back against Ian’s chest.

Ian rubs at his shoulders at first, pressing a kissto the side of Mickey’s head when he feels the tension start to leak out ofMickey’s body. Soon enough though, he just ends up smoothing his hands downMickey’s chest and hugging him close.

“You need anything?” he asks, words mumbled into theskin at Mickey’s temple.

Mickey shakes his head absently, one of his handsreaching up to hold Ian’s wrist in place. “Nah, this is good,” he mutterstiredly.

Ian kisses his head again and tightens his hold,drawing patterns on Mickey’s sides over his t-shirt until Mickey’s breathing startsto even out. And even though Ian wishes Mickey wasn’t sick he can’t say this isexactly a bad way to spend his day. He remembers when they were younger, whenhe would’ve given anything for Mickey to let him hold him like this. Even whenthey made that tentative jump from fuck buddies to something slightly more theonly way they’d ever end up spooning had been when they’d gravitated towardseach other during sleep.

By the time they actually got to the point where theywere holding each other for comfort Ian had been so fucking depressed he couldn’teven get out of bed; it was so bad he could hardly even feel Mickey’s armsaround him sometimes. Now, Ian hoards moments like this. Even though he knowshe doesn’t have to, even though he can hold Mickey whenever he wants.

He just- it’s important to him to try and make it upto Mickey for all the shit he had to carry Ian through. It’s important to himthat Mickey knows Ian would do the same for him in a heartbeat.

He’s not sure how long they lie like that but Mickeywakes up eventually, snuffling and sounding a little bit more blocked up thanbefore. He twists then, turning to curl into Ian more, cheek pillowed on Ian’schest as he brings his arms around him.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Ian murmurs, carrying on thesoothing strokes up and down Mickey’s back from before. “Feelin’ any better?”

“Think I just gotta ride it out,” Mickey replies andIan winces at how hoarse his voice sounds.

“Want me to get you a cough drop?” he asks, alreadymaking to get up before Mickey’s hands latch onto him to hold him in place.

“No just- Just don’t get up,” Mickey requests,burying himself deeper against Ian’s chest. “’m okay.”

Ian stills, heart squeezing in his chest as he drawsthe covers up over them both. “Okay,” he whispers. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Mickey nods against him, mumbling out a quiet, “Thanks,”a moment later.

Just as Ian think he’s falling back to sleep againMickey says, “You know you should consider changing careers from an EMT to anurse with this kind of bedside manner.”

Ian barks out a laugh, squeezing lightly at the napeof Mickey’s neck. “That your way of askin’ me to give you a sponge bath?”

“Maybe,” Mickey hedges and Ian grins when he can feelMickey’s mouth curve up against the fabric of his t-shirt.

“Whatever you want, tough guy,” Ian smirks. “Soon asyou can get to the bathroom without keeling over.”

Mickey huffs but makes no actual attempt to get up. “What’sthe point of you bein’ my nurse if you’re not gonna carry me?”

“You need to stop getting all your information aboutnursing from porn and spend some actual time in an emergency room.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Mickey snorts before hegoes quiet again. After a beat one of his hands snakes out to catch Ian’s andhe laces their fingers together. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“S’okay,” Ian murmurs. “I mean, you’re the hottestpatient I’ve ever had so…”

Mickey huffs a laugh, lifting his head to give Ian alook. “Dick.”

Ian smiles at him, free hand curving around Mickey’sjaw. “Love you.”

“You too,” Mickey replies, voice hardly above awhisper as drops his head onto Ian’s chest once again.

They stay like that for the majority of the rest ofthe day until Ian gets up to make Mickey some more food. And Mickey does end up getting his bath.

Ian can think of worse things to do with his day.

*

[simplybakugou]

lemme get uhhhhh literally anything fucking villain bakugou please; it can be smutty, fluffy, depressing, I don't even care just give me some villain bakugou juice p l e a s e

⋆ PAIRING: villain!bakugou x female!reader ⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: swearing ⋆ WORD COUNT: 2355

A/N: This is for you, my villain!bakugou loving boo. :) Also I decided to make this a song fic because I can’t think of any content on my own lol. It’s a Korean song by BLACKPINK called Kill This Love and here’s the link to the song. SONG (if you want the English translation to the lyrics, they’re available on the video). I wrote this in August but had a brain fart and I finally got back to it in my drafts I’m so sorry this took so long.

✐posted 01.28.2020✐

❝After a sweet “hi”, there’s always a bitter “bye”

After every crazy high, there’s a price you have to pay

There’s no answer to this test, I’ll always fall for it yes

I’m a slave to my emotions, screw this heartless love❞

Why did it have to be him? Out of all the men out there, you had to fall for the one man that was off limits, the one that caused the most trouble. May be it’s because he was forbidden that it made you draw towards him even more.

However, had you had known what you were getting yourself into, you would have gotten as far away from the destruction he brought as fast as you could.

It started with one mission, that faithful mission that brought so much more turmoil than anything else could ever bring in your life. You pleaded to your superior to let you go, wanting to prove to her how strong you really were.

“We have to be on guard, alright, Y/N?” your superior instructed, looking around her surroundings. “Ground Zero is supposed to be here, and if we get him behind bars, imagine how much credit snd recognition we’ll get for our unit!”

With the thought of wanting more recognition, your unit moved forward through the city in the middle of the night, keeping an eye out for any villainy. You could feel your hands shaking as the anxiety kept creeping up on you. The eeriness in the air did not help the situation either.

A gust of wind sent a few strands of your hair flying and you jumped at the feeling. You tapped on one of your partners’ shoulders, “Did you feel that?”

Before he could respond, an explosion erupted right in front of your group, sending everyone flying in different directions. You groaned at the impact of your back hitting the many brick walls in the area, struggling to get on your feet.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” A crisp voice whispered to you. You flinched, gasping loudly at the sight before you. A warm hand clamped over your mouth to stop you from screaming.

“One word out of that pretty little mouth and you’re fucking dead. Understand?” Bakugou threatened. He smirked as he looked down at your quivering figure. “You’re coming with me.”

❝What should I do? I can’t stand myself being so weak

While I force myself to cover my eyes, I need to bring an end to this love

Let’s kill this love!❞

Looking back at everything, you wished you could just smack yourself for ever believing you could get in a healthy relationship with a villain. You were an aspiring hero, although one that wasn’t the best, you wanted to help people. Bakugou was the exact opposite. He didn’t mind hurting people if it meant getting what he wanted.

You had fallen so deeply in love with him that day he kidnapped you. Maybe it was Stockholm syndrome or maybe it was plain insanity.

“You can’t keep doing this Katsuki!” You had pulled him to the side in the midst of his joining in with the other villains to attack Hosu City. The only reason why he wanted to attack the city was because Midoriya had put a stop to his previous plans and the only way Bakugou knew how to get back at him was through violence.

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “I didn’t bring you here to fucking nag me all day. I want you to get used to this shit so it gets easier when we plan attacks in the future.”

“I never agreed to hurting innocent people just so you can prove a point!” You sighed as you could see Bakugou blatantly ignore you. “Do you really find enjoyment in hurting people?”

“Yes.” You sucked in a breath sharply at his bluntness. “What did you fucking expect? I’m not a hero, Y/N, I’m a villain. I don’t work for the side that wastes their lives for people they don’t even know.”

You wanted to say something, but you bit your lip to hold your tongue.

Bakugou let out a humorless chuckle. “Just look at All Might. He’s the textbook definition of wasted potential. That dumbass threw his own life on the line for some pieces of shits he doesn’t even know and now he can’t even use his quirk because of it.”

“You’re wrong, Katsuki. Heroes help those who can’t help themselves. They empathize with those in pain and want to help alleviate that pain.”

Bakugou smirked. “Then why are you with me? Why’re you on the side that hurts those ‘poor’ people?”

“Because I don’t think you have to do this! I know you’re a good person deep down and I don’t want you hurting other people!” You clasped your hands together, pleading for your cruel boyfriend to understand.

Bakugou closed the gap between the two of you, taking a few steps forward. He raised his hand, lifting your chin up to meet his eyes. “Watch. Me.”

And with a blink of an eye you watched in horror, your hands covering your mouth as the man you thought you loved, the man you believed had at least a sliver of goodness in him, attacked innocent bystanders. And the worst part? He was doing all of this to show how cruel he can truly be.

You shuddered as a thought came to mind, one that you have been contemplating but had never processed it.

Maybe… it was time to put an end to all of this.

It was time to turn Bakugou Katsuki in.

❝Feelin’ like a sinner, it’s so fire with him.

I go boo, hoo

He said “you look crazy,” thank you baby, I owe it all to you

Got me all messed up, his love is my favorite

But you plus me, sadly can be dangerous❞

The bar was more loud and raucous than most nights after a bunch of villains attack people for absolutely no reason but for pure pleasure. Your head was buried in your hands, two empty glasses in front of you as you attempted to drown your sorrows and turmoil in drunkenness as a way of sorting through your thoughts.

You knew turning Bakugou in was the only thing that could put a stop to all of this. But you couldn’t ignore how much you cared for him as a person.

“Katsuki?” You called out, walking down the stairs as you looked for your boyfriend. You heard the door close earlier, signaling that he had to be inside your house somewhere. As you entered your living room, he was sitting on your sofa, his legs propped up on the coffee table as he seemed to be in deep thought. You walked over and sat beside him. “Everything okay?”

Bakugou snapped out of his trance, his crimson eyes staring deeply into your own. “I think I’m dying.”

Your eyes widened in confusion. “What?”

Before you could question Bakugou even more, he took your hand in his and brought it to his chest. You felt his heart beating fast under your touch.

“It only happens when I’m with you,” Bakugou muttered. He looked back up at you. “What does this mean?”

You couldn’t help but break out into a wide smile. “You’re not dying, Katsuki.”

“Then what is this I feel like my heart’s gonna jump out of my fucking chest.” His brows were knit together as he was genuinely concerned.

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around his torso and placing your head against his chest. His heart continued to beat rapidly under your touch.

❝Lucky me, lucky you after all, in the end we lie

So what? So what?

If I end up forgetting you

So sorry, I’m not sorry

What should I do? I can’t stand myself being so weak

While I force myself to hide my tears, I need to bring an end to this love

Let’s kill this love!❞

Your legs started shaking rapidly as the anxiety and the severity of your actions set in. Your fingernails were already practically nubs due to you biting at them in order calm down but to no avail.

Your doorbell finally rang and you sprung up, practically jumping at the door. Gamma, one of the only true friends that you made out of the rest of the villains in Bakugou’s friend group, seemed flabbergasted by your bewildered expression.

“Are you okay? I got your text,” she asked as you closed the door behind her.

You led Gamma to your sofa, holding her hands in yours as you took a deep breath in. “You know that out of everyone here, I trust you with my life, right?”

“Yeah.” Gamma was confused.

“And I need you to promise me that whatever I tell you stays between us. You can’t tell anyone. Not even Katsuki, even if he’s your boss.”

Gamma held your hands tighter, giving you a small smile. “You’re the first friend I made here, regardless of the fact that I’ve been here far longer than you have. You’re my best friend. And I’d do anything for you.”

You smiled back hesitantly and sighed once more. “I’m going to turn Katsuki and myself in.”

Gamma’s eyes widened, parting her lips to say something before closing them. “Are you sure about this, Y/N? Like one-hundred percent sure.”

You nodded. “In the beginning I thought I could look past all the things he’s done, but I don’t think I can handle it anymore. Gamma, hundreds of people have been hurt and lost their lives just because Katsuki was bored sitting at home or wanted to teach his enemies a lesson. I’ve tried to reason with him because I’ve always believed that deep down he didn’t want to actually hurt anyone, but nothing’s working. I can’t keep living like this.”

Your eyes were filled to the brim with tears at this point. Gamma brought her thumb up and wiped away your tears, embracing you in an effort to comfort you. “I know how much you care and love Ground Zero. Even if he’s my boss, out of everyone here, you come before anything and if this is what you feel is right, then I think you should do it.”

“Thanks, Gamma.”

“Of course.” Gamma pulled away. “Did you think about how you’re going to turn yourselves in? He’s not really just going to waltz into the police station and let you do it.”

You sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. “I’m not really sure. I was initially going to go myself but that really won’t do much. Do you have any ideas?”

Gamma pursed her lips as she thought about it for a second before snapping her fingers. “Why not send a letter?”

“A letter?”

“Yeah, it’s more risky if you send anything digitally but letters are practically outdated so it would be less likely for you to get caught before executing this plan.”

You nodded, a small smiling breaking to your lips. “Thank you for everything, Gamma.”

“I’d do anything for you, Y/N.”

❝We must kill this love

Yeah, it’s sad but true

Gotta kill this love…

You looked around the secluded location, a gust of wind sending your hair back. You looked down at the response letter that was sent back to a week after you sent your own letter, confirming the location. Oddly enough it was the same location that you and your team had gone to in order to catch Bakugou only for you to be sucked into this mess. The police had written back for you to meet here to ultimately work with them to get Bakugou before turning yourself in.

You were shivering in the cold, having waited at least fifteen minutes for anyone to show up.

Before you could even think of anything else, a figure stood before you at the end of the secluded alleyway. There was only one streetlight and the person was barely visible to you and you were probably barely visible to them as well.

“Excuse me, I’m Y/N. I sent you the letter about Katsu– I mean Ground Zero,” you called out to the end of alleyway. “As I said in the letter, I want to turn the two of us in.”

The figure walked towards you, proceeding slowly until their face could be visible under the light. You gasped inwardly at the sight.

“You know, out of all the fucking people who could have betrayed me in this damn world, you were the last on that list, Y/N.” Bakugou stood under the light, his angry expression as clear as day.

“Katsuki…” You were speechless. You didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll give you a chance to explain yourself.”

You felt a bead of sweat form on your forehead and the back of your neck. Your lips quivered in fear before you could speak. “I’ve told you so many times that the way you hurt and kill innocent people hurts me to just watch. I can’t continue to be a bystander to all of this.”

Bakugou continued to proceed towards you until your back hit the wall and there was barely five inches of space in between the two of you.

“Katsuki.” You looked at him straight in the eyes. He held so much anger in his expression but you could also see how your actions hurt him. “I know you. I know that villainy isn’t what you wanted in the beginning. I know that deep down, you don’t want to hurt all those people. This is our way of making it right so please come with me.”

Bakugou sighed, raising his arms. You winced, expecting him to lash out at you. Instead you were surprised as he leaned down and wrapped his arms around you. “I love you, Y/N. More than anything in this world. You’re the only one who stood by me in everything and you’ve always wanted the best for me. Those other fuckers were and have been using me to their own advantage but you did everything in your power to make sure I was okay and my needs were met.”

You wrapped your own arms around his torso, pressing your cheek against his chest. “I’ve always wanted the best for you.”

“That’s why it hurts me to do this.”

“To do wha–”

You felt the air get knocked straight out of your chest. You looked down, nearly falling over at the sight of the dagger jabbed straight into your abdomen.

Bakugou pulled away, watching as you fell to the floor, grabbing at your stomach as the pain continue to intensify. He caressed your hair as you looked up at him in absolute horror. “But, you’re not the first person to try and do this. So many of you naive little girls think you can just change a person through your feelings and your stupid fucking emotions. I’m a villain, Y/N. There’s nothing that you can change about that.”

He got up and started to walk away. You got on your forearms, slowly trying to crawl your way towards him. He stopped walking, looking back at you once more. “I really did love you, Y/N. And I wanted you to be different. But you’ve disappointed me.”

… Before it kills you too.❞

[angelicspaceprince]

Sunrise

Author: Ama

Title: Sunrise

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Reader

Character/s: Beetlejuice

Word Count: 1, 366 words

Warnings: Massive themes of suicide, death, depression, vague description of Beej's death

Prompt: You've been struggling for a while now and Beetlejuice knows that. But, it's not until he finds you standing on the roof that you finally let him know how serious things have become.

Notes: Me? Projecting onto a character? More likely than you think.

Massive themes of suicide, depression and death in this one kiddos. Ama is going through some shit and decided to share with the class. Please read only if you feel comfortable and safe to do so.

This is also a part of the Beetlejuice song challenge held by @foolurfriendsfunatparties and the song was What I Know Now

Sunrise

The house was quiet, too quiet, when Beej decided to visit his favourite breather. Usually, you'd have some form of noise in the background, music or the TV, Hell even just you talking to yourself about what you were planning to do. Helped keep the mind busy, distracted, which is what you needed at all times. So when he rocked up to your house and there was no sound, his first reaction was to panic. He knew you'd been going through some shit, but you had assured him that you'd be fine for the day as he went with Lyds to scout out colleges (or in his case, distract and beg her not to go), as the nearly eighteen-year-old was struggling with which ones to apply to.

He should have stayed, he realises as he rushes upstairs to check every room in the house, trying to see if you were there. The only thing that struck him odd was your bedroom window, which was a pain to open on any given day but especially now since it's freezing near-daily, was pushed wide ope-

The roof.

The demon is quick to make his way up, his body sagging slightly in relief when he sees your frame huddled on the flattest part of your roof, shivering and curled in a ball but very much alive. Beej is quick to retreat inside, grab the thickest blanket he could find and make his way back up onto the roof, you having moved to stand at the edge. He wills the panic off of his face and mood ring hair before walking up to you with a giant grin plastered on his face. "Hey babes! Whatchya doin' up here?" He'd make a wisecrack but his brain is so riddled with anxiety, he can't seem to think of one.

He pretends to not notice the flinch as you take a step back from the ledge of the roof, arms wrapped around you in an attempt to comfort yourself as well as contain heat, seeings you were out in the cold in just shorts and a sports bra. Odd choice considering the fact that you were complaining about the cold-snap this morning. Still, you're away from the edge. You sniff and attempt (and fail) to discreetly wipe away tears from your eyes. "Hey Beej. Thought you wouldn't be back until tomorrow." You say lamely, ignoring his question as he comes up beside you to wrap the blanket around you. It's warm from being inside, and you can't help but tug it closer to you as Beej wraps his arm around you.

There is a moment's silence. "Were you gonna do it?" There is no question as to what he's referring to, so you just nod, wincing again when he sighs loudly. "Y/N-"

"No." You snap. Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare." You're shaking from both the cold and the anger. "You have no idea what it's like. None at all. You're dead! You have no idea what it's like to just be drained and cold and empty and to feel like you're just the tag-along, the sideliner, like you're useless and pathetic and disgusting all the fucking time."

"What do you think death is, babes?" He doesn't drop his arm, even though it's clear he's pissed. "Let me tell ya Y/N, it's not sunshine and rainbows. It's cold, damp, emptiness for eternity. Everything is muted, you know you feel emotions but you can't quite place them. Why do you think I wanna marry a breather so bad? Being dead is shit, every day it's like a walking curse where you are constantly drowning in everything and nothing." You stay quiet as he continues his rant. "If I knew then, Y/N, what I know now, there is no way in Heaven/Hell that I would have put that noose around my neck. I would have taken every moment, good and bad, and treasured every single fuckin' one." You can see out of the corner of your eyes that he's pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a deep breath, eyes squeezed shut with red, blue and purple threaded in his messy locks. "Don't I dare, no don't you dare tell me what it's like to feel like no one cares, because I do. And I know that it might not be enough but, fuck babes, it should count for something." If anyone asked him if he was crying, he'd deny it despite the tears beginning to fall no matter what he tells them.

You take a breath, feeling bad for snapping and unloading onto him. "I'm just so tired, Beej. I just wanna sleep." You confess quietly. "I just want it to stop hurting."

"I know, baby, I know." He tugs you in close. "But dyin' ain't gonna cure that. I promise you, it'll be much better for you to stick around until it's your time." You faintly feel him press a kiss to your temple as you continue to stare out into the street. "Wanna go inside?" You shake your head. 

"I want to stay out here for a while." You admit. "Stay?"

You didn't need to ask and he didn't feel the need to answer as he shuffles so he's holding you from behind, pulling you down to rest against his chest as he quickly pulls a hot water bottle out of thin air, made to never go cold, and placed it under the blanket and against you to keep you warm.

You stay silent for hours, just being held as Beej strokes at random parts of your body in an attempt to comfort, leaving you to your thoughts. When the sun finally comes out, rays of gold and pink peaking over the horizon does he finally talk. "How ya feelin'?"

You take a minute to respond. "Tired." You answer honestly. "I wanna go to bed now."

There is a faint sigh of relief. Beetlejuice knew that the problem wasn't solved and there were still a ton of issues that you needed to deal with, but at least you were safe for now. Wordlessly, he picks you up and carries you back inside and into bed, tucking you in and moving to go close the window when your ice-cold hand snatches out to grab his. "Don't leave me." Your voice is tired, it's never sounded so broken or weak before. "Please?"

He crouches down so you can see him at the side of the bed. "I'm not going anywhere babes." He promises firmly. "I'm gonna go close the window and then I'll be right by your side. Not even a minute." He waits for you to nod and let go of his hand before he walks over, forces the window down with a loud 'thud' before walking back, toeing off his boots and removing his clothes until he's in his boxers and shirt, finally sliding into bed behind you and pulling you close again. You shuffle back and turn so your head rests on his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly and yours wrapped around him.

"Thank you." You say quietly, both of you ignoring the hidden meaning. 'I'm sorry.'

"Of course." He replies. 'I don't blame you.'

Eventually, you fall asleep as the sun hits your bedroom wall and slowly starts to heat up the now frosty room, but Beej stays awake to try and process what just occurred. He knew, logically, that you were going to die someday but he wasn't going to sit around for you to off yourself before your time. Even if he had to sit through that again with you, he'd do it again in a heartbeat, just so you got to see one more morning. The world moves on around the both of you as you sleep, people waking up for work and school, preparing for another day. For them it's just another sunrise, just another day. But Beej knows that each one is special, because it's another day of being alive. And that's what you need to be. Alive.

For just another sunrise.

[mistyyygoode]

flower shop pt.1 (Foxxay)

Prompt from anon: Foxxay fluff/angst Cordelia has agoraphobia after the acid attack. Misty convinces her to get out of the house and they go to a flower shop together. Pre-relationship/mid-foxxay falling in love, I guess.

written with: @rabexxpaulson and there will be 2-3 more parts bc of how long this ended up being. we hope y’all really enjoy this. sorry it’s taken so long to start posting these one-shots. we have this and the next one already done, and will hopefully be posting 2 times a week until we’re caught up to where we currently are!

Misty had noticed that since she had met Cordelia, her aura was dimmer than anyone else's, besides Fiona that was. She could sense that her headmistress was depressed, gloomy, and even anxious about a lot of things. She hadn't seen the woman in a few days, which was worrying her with each day that had passed. She was used to seeing Cordelia in the greenhouse, but when the woman hadn't shown up for a few days, it made her a little sad, she missed her friend.

When Cordelia didn't show up to the greenhouse for the fourth day in a row, Misty knew she needed to take it upon herself to talk to her, and hopefully get her out of the house.

Cordelia didn't feel like seeing people – she couldn't even if she wanted to. After the acid attack, her self-esteem had gotten even worse, and the house she once knew as her well as her own fingertips was now a sea of darkness where she couldn't even find her own inner light. The hours became days and the days became weeks. Cordelia no longer cared to work on her crafts or in the papers she was supposed to, and Fiona didn't help much with all the depreciating comments she always did. The only place she cared to be was her room, one she was beginning to learn every step and every pattern of.

Misty finally took it upon herself to find Cordelia, which wouldn't be hard. She knew the headmistress was most likely in her bedroom, it seemed to be the only place she ever was anymore. Misty knew isolating yourself didn't make your problems any better, so she made her way from the greenhouse to the second floor of the academy. She stood in front of Cordelia's bedroom door, slowly raising her hand to knock on the white wood.

Cordelia couldn't read anymore. She couldn't watch TV or catalog the plants and potions and spells. All she could do was lay down and sleep. Sleep was good, she could dream and be away from reality. She could pretend Fiona wasn't there. She could see Misty with her beautiful blonde curls and shiny blue eyes... that was her favorite part. Turning around on the bed, she sighed loudly. Cordelia was never one to stay in bed much. She felt useless.

Misty's knuckles softly met the wood in a gentle knock. She took in a shaky breath as she knocked on the door four times, just enough to see if Cordelia was awake or not.

One. Two. Three. Four knocks. Who'd knock four times? The usual was three. Cordelia sat up and hazily fixed her messy hair. It could only be Misty. Misty Day was the only person Cordelia was always in the mood to see. "Come on in."

Misty slowly opened the door to the bedroom. She stepped inside and closed it behind herself. Her eyes scanned the room, and she smiled to herself when she saw the headmistress sitting up in bed. "Hey, Miss Cordelia. It's Misty." She said as if the woman wouldn't know.

Cordelia had acquired a habit of covering herself in all situations. She didn't know if her clothes were totally appropriate, or matching or even clean from her tries of cooking and doing simple tasks. She pulled the covers up to her chin and shrunk in them. The sweet voice invaded her ears. Cordelia wanted to extend her hand and beg for a touch, a glimpse of the younger witch she felt herself falling for. However, she kept it to herself. "Hello, Misty. Everything alright?"

Misty bit her lip as she saw how nervous Cordelia seemed, everything from covering herself more than usual, to the awkward wait between entering the room and actually talking to her. "Yes, well, I think—I hope. Are ya okay? I-I mean, I haven't seen ya in a few days, and I was startin' to worry. Ya feelin' alright?" she asked.

Cordelia gulped softly as she looked down to nothing, gripping the covers tighter. She nodded. "Yeah, I'm just... I don't feel very comfortable outside." Her voice had died to a low and weak tone. She hoped Misty could understand what she meant with 'outside'; anywhere she could be seen.

Misty bit her lip again. She hoped and prayed that Cordelia was okay, and now she knew she wasn't. Hesitantly, she walked over to the bed and slowly sat down on the edge of it. "Miss Cordelia... I get ya, I really do, but stayin' in ya room ain't gonna help. Even if ya can't see the flowers and the pants, I think bein' around then, feelin' them would surely help." She said softly as she looked at the older witch. She felt her heart hurt at the sight of how depressed and saddened Cordelia seemed.

Hearing the steps attentively, Cordelia's body subconsciously shrank even more on the bed. She had to remind herself it was just Misty, and Misty would never hurt her. She wished she could at least see her one time. Forcing herself to relax, Cordelia looked to where the so well-known voice was coming. She worried her dry lower lip with her teeth. "I-is... is Fiona here?" It was stupid, she knew, a thirty-eight-year-old woman still somehow afraid of her own mother. In better times, she could handle Fiona; but right now, she felt weak and small and even more invisible than she already felt when she could see the world around her.

Misty's brows furrowed for a moment. She knew Fiona was a bitch. She had heard stories from the other girls about some of the things Fiona had said and done to Cordelia—unbelievable things. "She's not. I haven't seen her for a few days..." she said softly. She scooted closer to Cordelia and softly held out her hand, "Can I hold ya hand?" she asked softly.

The bed moved. Cordelia reminded herself it was Misty, and she actually wanted Misty's touch. Letting out a small relieved breath at the good news, the question cheered her soul a little. Cordelia nodded, offering her pale - paler - hand to Misty, letting it slip from underneath the covers. "I-I just don't know if I can manage b-being... with people." Not seeing the world was even scarier than seeing it, Cordelia had learned. All the sounds and touches and voices and rough, different even if known patterns overwhelmed her in a way. The dosage of her pills had already gone up, but she doubted she could actually be alright if she stepped outside of the room.

Misty frowned, but she nodded softly. "I understand, Miss Cordelia... what if it were just me though? That wouldn't be too bad then, would it?" she asked as her hand slowly and softly caressed Cordelia's that laid on her own.

The touch brought her comfort. Cordelia saw her again, Misty Day; the blue eyes she made sure to think about to keep them alive in her mind, the angelic smile and the fuzzy curls. Instead of sad memories, like the first time they had touched, Cordelia saw Misty smiling and taking care of her and the academy's - her own - plants. Misty was the only one to check on her, to help her and think about her. It was a different kindness. It was a different feeling. It was... pleasingly weird. Her pale fingertips brushed over Misty's. It was the best she had felt in a while. "B-but... would we go out?"

Misty smiled softly as she watched Cordelia's facial features change into something happy. She wondered if she was having another vision, but she didn't ask, not now at least. "That's up to ya, really. If you'd like we can go out, just the two of us. Maybe we could grab somethin' to eat, get some seeds for some new plants. I've been thinkin' 'bout what we could plant next." She said with a bright smile.

Getting some new seeds was an amazing idea. Cordelia wondered if she'd ever see the plants again. She smiled a little, a barely noticeable thing. "I'd like to get some seeds... smell some flowers..."

Misty smiled softly when she saw the smallest smile on Cordelia's lips. She continued to caress the woman's hand. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose your sight, so she figured a small touch would be better than not seeing. "I was thinkin' maybe it'd help ya. Maybe even gettin' ya hands a little dirty from plantin' them would help. I know bein' in the greenhouse or my garden always helps when I ain't feelin' myself. Plus, I'll be right there to help if ya need it." She offered.

That could certainly be good. Cordelia, in her element, with Misty. Nothing was as good. But... she needed to get dressed. Once again, she began to worry her lower lip with her teeth. "Um..."

Misty furrowed her brows for a moment when the woman's mood changed so quickly. "What is it, Miss Cordelia?" she asked quickly.

"I... I've got to get dressed..." Cordelia's cheeks burned. Only Hank had seen her completely naked before, apart from Fiona and Myrtle.

Misty's eyes dropped for a moment to noticed Cordelia's bra straps. "O-oh... yes, right... do ya, uh, need help. I mean... pickin' somethin' out?" She asked nervously before swallowing hard. The idea of seeing Cordelia in just her underwear, or even naked brought thoughts to her mind she felt were wrong to have about a friend.

Cordelia was still holding Misty's hand; her mind suddenly flashed with dirty, naughty thoughts. But they weren't her own. Misty kissed her lovingly and caressed her bare waist, the other hand falling down to her—she quickly took her hand away from Misty's with a small gasp. She didn't want to see it like that. They were private thoughts, right? "Uh—um, I... I-I... I c-can't really, um," talking was hard. Did Misty have these thoughts about everyone? Cordelia hoped not... even if that wasn't really ethical. Oh boy.

When Cordelia pulled her hand away, her heartbeat picked up in speed. She wondered if Cordelia has seen what she thought for a split second. She gulped as she got off the bed, nearly tripping over her own feet. "Shit," she murmured before finding her balance.

Cordelia gulped again as she squeezed the sheets. She cursed internally. "Misty, are you alright?" she asked as she heard the stumbling. Cordelia felt like she had managed to fuck it up. Again.

Misty's eyes flickered up to Cordelia with a worried gaze. She didn't know what to say and before thinking about the best way to approach the situation, she blurted out: "Ya saw what I was thinkin', didn't ya? I'm s-so sorry..."

Cordelia didn't mean to talk about that now. Her heart picked up in speed. Should she lie? "I... we don't have to talk about it." But she wanted to talk about it. She wanted to talk and do something about it.

Misty bit her lip as she looked down. Her heart was still racing fast inside of her chest. It was so loud she thought Cordelia might hear it. "I-I'm sorry... I know it ain't right." She gulped as her palms grew sweaty. "Ya just so gorgeous, a-and ya so nice to me. I-it's unprofessional to say the least, I know that since you're my teacher 'nd all..." she stopped herself from rambling on further.

Gorgeous. That was the very last thing Cordelia felt like. She bit her inner cheek harshly as she felt herself growing emotional. "D-do you think about those things o-only with me?" Her palms were sweating. She was sweating all over, and even though she only had a sheer nightgown, she felt too hot underneath the covers.

Misty's eyes stayed on the floor. Her hands nervously played with the rings on her fingers. She gulped. "Y-yes, ma'am..." she nodded.

The words were enough to send a spiral of butterflies inside her stomach. Cordelia was somewhat relieved. "D-do you have feelings f-for me?" It was better to ask right away, Cordelia knew that. She didn't want to be played again. She didn't want to get all happy for misunderstanding things.

Misty took a deep, shaky breath. "I-I..." she stammered as her eyes slowly looked back up to Cordelia. "Yes..." she whispered nervously.

Yes. Cordelia's chest tightened up and softened down in a matter of seconds. She let out a deep breath. "Me too," she nearly murmured. "M-me too." Cordelia had never wanted to see Misty more than now.

Misty's eyes grew wide. Her heart nearly stopped for a few beats. Never in her wildest dreams has she ever imagined that Cordelia would feel the same way. "Really?" she grinned shyly.

Cordelia couldn't help but smile a little. She nodded, shyly and hesitantly extending a hand to Misty.

Misty stared at Cordelia's hand before shakily placing one of her own into it. She knew just by the simple touch the older witch would know how nervous she was.

Cordelia was trembling a little, too, and the soft-touch caused her to smile a little. She caressed Misty's hand with her fingertips. "I... I've been having those feelings for a while..."

Misty hesitantly sat back down to the bed, but this time a little closer to Cordelia. She could tell the woman was just as nervous as she was. "R-really?" she asked.

Cordelia nodded, shyly snuggling closer to Misty as she held her hand a little firmer.

Misty bit her lip before moving again so she was sitting beside Cordelia against the headboard. "So..." she chuckled nervously. "What's this mean?" her hand nervously caressed Cordelia's.

Cordelia was so nervous she kept fingers a little stiff. "I... I don't know..." she gulped. "Um... should we go out still?" she was panicking.

Misty smiled softly. "If ya still want to. If ya don't, I understand. We can go to the greenhouse and talk." She offered softly.

"I think... I think it'd be great to go out. Yeah." Cordelia took a deep breath.

Misty smiled softly. "Would you like me to help you pick something out?" She asked.

Cordelia nodded. "You... you're not ashamed of going o-out with me?"

Misty furrowed her brows as she shook her head. "Not at all, why would I be, Miss Cordelia?" she asked.

Cordelia shrugged. "It's me... most girls here are..."

Misty still didn't understand. Her hand gently squeezed Cordelia's. "Well, I dunno 'bout the other girls, but I ain't ashamed to be seen with ya... I like ya a lot, Miss Cordelia." She said as her thumb ran over the woman's knuckles.

Cordelia felt so miserable. She sniffed back a few tears before letting her head rest on Misty's shoulders. She felt so safe. "I like you, too, Misty." With trembling lips, she kissed what she could reach of Misty's neck.

Misty felt her heart wanting to leap out from her chest. The kiss sent a wave of new butterflies through her stomach. She took in a shaky breath before turning her head. She used her free hand to softly and gently cup Cordelia's cheek. Her thumb slowly ran over the part of the woman's cheek that wasn't injured from the acid. She was mindful of the small things. Gently, and almost hesitantly, she pressed her lips to Cordelia's in a soft kiss.

As her cheek was cupped, Cordelia felt what was coming. She reminded herself not to squeeze Misty's hand and, before she could even process what was going on, there was a pair of desired, dreamed of lips were against her own. She kissed Misty back just as softly, letting out a breath in satisfaction.

Misty didn't stay there long, she worried about kissing Cordelia too much that it would overwhelm the both of them. She pulled away gently, noses touching still. There was a wide smile on her face.

As they pulled away, Cordelia bit her lower lip. She held back a giggle as she smiled brightly to herself. Slowly, her hands moved to cup both of Misty's cheeks. "I wish I could see you," she said softly.

Misty couldn't help but smile when she saw the smile on Cordelia's lips. Her smile turned sad when she heard the woman's words. "Me too... I wish I could give ya my eyes."

Smiling sadly, Cordelia began to softly explore Misty Day's face. Her fingers passed on her cheeks, forehead, eyebrows, lips... she sighed. "Isn't it stupid?" she said softly. "How we can literally go to Hell and back but can't help cure diseases or disabilities?"

Misty closed her eyes for a moment. "Ya never know... I-I've looked in some books that I thought could help. I ain't found nothin' yet, but I ain't givin' up." She said.

Cordelia offered a small smile. "Thank you," she said softly, yet her voice carried all the sincerity in the world. "We should... get going?" Cordelia wasn't sure if going out was the best idea, but now she was full of butterflies in her stomach and she wouldn't miss the chance to stay close to Misty Day. Close in a way she didn't think she'd ever been able to actually be.

Misty nodded softly. "Yeah, I have a place or two in mind. Let's get ya up and ready." She said before happily slipping off the bed. She was excited and nervous to see where the day was headed.

Cordelia stepped out as well. She instantly reached for the wall. Her nightgown was a simple black and short. "Okay... c-can you get me a skirt? It can be the long, black one."

Misty tried to pry her eyes away from Cordelia's body. She hadn't seen the woman in anything less than her usual day/work clothes. "Y-yes," she said before walking toward the wardrobe. "Uh, wh-which skirt?" She asked as she tried to calm down.

Cordelia heard the way Misty Day's voice trembled. She sucked on her lower lip. "Um... the black, l-long one."

Misty nodded before grabbing the two items of clothing. "Should I set them on your bed, o-or do ya need help? I can help if ya need me to." She said as she calmed down a little, finally.

Cordelia felt herself getting nervous once again. She gulped. "I... I need some help... I tend to lose m-my balance..."

Misty nodded softly as she set the two items on the bed. She walked closer to Cordelia, softly taking her hands. "That's fine. I can help ya. I really don't mind." She smiled softly.

Cordelia hesitantly wrapped her hands around Misty's, seeing no thoughts this time, but Misty's sight. She gasped.

"What is it?" Misty asked worriedly. She softly caressed Cordelia's hands.

Cordelia smiled brightly. "I can see what you see." She saw herself. The scars were so rough against her pale face. Her smile soon vanished, and she pulled a hand away to touch her face. The image in her head disappeared. She quickly grabbed Misty's hand again.

Misty smiled sadly when she saw Cordelia's reaction. Her free hand moved to cup one of the woman's cheeks. "Ya still so beautiful, Miss Cordelia. I mean, I don't really know what ya looked like before, but you're gorgeous." She said.

Cordelia gulped back a knot in her throat. She felt her eyes getting teary. "I k-know I'm not really beautiful... I never was. B-but this is hard... and so s-shallow," she laughed bitterly at herself, trying to enjoy the touch on her cheek.

Misty's brows furrowed. "Delia, what are ya talkin' about? Of course, ya gorgeous... I mean, ya stunnin' really. Even with these scars. They don't make ya any less then ya are."

Cordelia looked down. She shook her head, taking a shaky, deep breath. "I-it's fine..."

Misty frowned as she caressed Cordelia's have and cheek. "It ain't though, Miss Cordelia. If ya can see through my eyes, I hope ya can see that I see ya like an angel sent from the heavens above." She said.

This time, Cordelia blushed a little. She saw herself, smiling all dumbly. "Can I kiss you again?" she asked dimly.

"Ya ain't gotta ask me, Delia." Misty grinned before lifting Cordelia head softly, just enough so that she could softly press her lips to plump, pink ones.

Cordelia let out a giggle before it was stopped by Misty's lips. She hummed lightly, lowly, as she moved to caress the small of Misty's back.

Misty smiled softly against Cordelia's lips as she kissed her a little harder than the times before. She kept the kisses gentle and light though, she didn't want to take this too fast.

It had been so long Cordelia had been kissed like that. She took a deep, shaky breath before hesitantly pulling away. Her heart was racing. Her stomach was twirling around.

Misty looked at Cordelia with curious eyes because of her reaction. "Ya okay?" she asked softly.

Cordelia nodded with a small smile. "Yes," she breathed out. "H-help me with the skirt?"

Misty nodded softly. "Course," she said before pulling her hands away from Cordelia's face and hand. She grabbed the skirt from off the bed, walked closer to Cordelia, and held it open. "I'm right in front of ya, hold onto my shoulders." She said.

Gulping loudly, Cordelia felt herself sweating. Hesitantly, she tapped around to find Misty, first feeling her curls and then eventually falling down to her shoulders. God, they were muscular. Once she stabilized herself, she shyly raised a leg up.

Misty smiled softly before moving the skirt so that Cordelia could slip a leg inside. "There ya go," she said softly.

Cordelia felt so useless. She stepped down and lifted the other leg up, biting her lower lip harshly.

Misty was staring down at Cordelia's legs and hadn't noticed the woman's look. She helped her step into the skirt before slowly pulling it up her thighs to rest on her hips. "There ya go," she said.

Cordelia gulped back a knot in her throat. "T-thank you, Misty." She offered a small, weak smile. "Can I hold your hands so I can choose a shirt?"

Misty nodded with a small smile. "Course, ya can. I already grabbed ya one, but ya can tell me if ya like it." She said softly as she softly took Cordelia's hand in her own. She looked at the shirt that was already laid out on the bed, it was a long-sleeved blouse with flowers on it. It was a favorite of her, she thought it just looked absolutely beautiful on Cordelia.

Cordelia nodded as she subconsciously squeezed Misty's hands. It was just so good, to see colors and patterns again. She had missed her room. A smile touched her lips. "I love this one..."

Misty smiled brightly as she squeezed Cordelia's hand back. "I was hopin' ya would. I like seein' ya in flowers." She said softly.

Cordelia couldn't help but feel her cheeks tinting. "Really?"

Misty smiled as she looked at Cordelia. "Yeah, they suit ya. They look pretty on ya, not that ya need help lookin' pretty, or nothin' like that, I just—they look nice."

Now, Cordelia could see herself. She saw the way she was smiling and the way her cheeks tinted more and more. She chuckled and looked down. "Thank you. So do you... in anything."

Misty blushed as well, looking down at her boots. "Thank ya, really... do ya need help with ya shirt too?" she asked.

Cordelia blushed even more. "Mhm..."

Misty nodded softly as she let go of Cordelia's hand so she could grab the shirt. "Alrighty, oh, we gotta get this nighty off first." She said without thinking.

Oh boy. Cordelia blushed all over once again and even more. She nodded. "I-I need a bra..."

Misty nodded softly. "Alright, I can get that for ya, too. Are ya bras in ya dresser?" She asked.

Cordelia nodded quietly.

Misty smiled sadly. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked as her hand went to grab Cordelia's again.

She was nervous. Very. And embarrassed. That wasn't how she wanted their confession of feelings to go like. "Nothing," she gulped. "Um, the black, cotton bra works..."

Misty nodded softly. She squeezed Cordelia's hand once more before letting go. She walked over to the dressed and grabbed the only black bra there was in the top drawer. "Okay, I got it." She said as she walked back. She couldn't help but feel nervous.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Cordelia had to take her clothes off. She was bare underneath the nightgown, apart from the skirt she had just put on. Hesitantly, she began taking her gown off, exposing her bare breasts and stomach.

Misty kept her eyes on Cordelia's face. She couldn't let herself see her teacher, her mentor, her crush in such a venerable state. "Can ya, uh, hold up your hands so I can get the straps on ya, 'nd then turn to I can hook it?" she asked softly.

Cordelia felt the chilly breeze on her exposed skin. She nodded and extended her arms, looking down in shame even if she couldn't see anything.

Misty frowned when Cordelia looked away from her. "What's the matter?" She asked in a soft tone as she slipped on the woman's bra.

Cordelia shook her head as she gulped, continuing to face the floor.

Misty furrowed her brows as she frowned. "Miss Cordelia, ya can talk to me, ya know?" she asked before softly motioning for Cordelia to turn by lightly turning her at the hips.

The hands on her hips were strong, warm. Cordelia liked it. She turned, nodding quietly. "I'm j-just not used to depending on others... it makes me feel even more useless."

Misty frowned even more. She pulled her hands away, so she was able to hook Cordelia's bra together in the back. "Ya ain't worthless, Miss Cordelia." She said before pulling her hands away again. It was hard for her to believe Cordelia felt so bad about herself. "At all. And needin' help from someone doesn't make ya worthless. It just means ya needed some help. There ain't nothing wrong with that, like at all." She explained before urging the older woman to turn around again.

Cordelia was tired of crying so much. She saw how her face looked, and how her eyes were so blotchy even, so they were all scarred. Turning once again, she sighed quietly. "I believe I'm not in a very good mental space right now." She said quietly, covering herself with her arms. Cordelia was a crier, but the way she had been sobbing lately wasn't typical.

Misty frowned even more than before. She grabbed the shirt off the bed. "Can I help ya with your shirt?" She asked when she noticed Cordelia was so quick to cover herself.

"Please." Cordelia nodded. She hated herself. She hated to be in such a place. She hated how broken and fragile she looked to the outside world now. She had always been like that inside, but that was only inside.

Misty chewed on her bottom lip as she held the shirt up. "Can ya lift ya arms and I'll put it on ya?"

Cordelia nodded once again, raising her arms. "I'm sorry..."

Misty instantly shook her head. "Whatcha sayin' sorry for?" she asked as she slowly put the shirt onto Cordelia.

Cordelia shrugged. "Being a mess... I guess that's not the Cordelia you are u-used to." She chuckled bitterly. "I understand i-if... I don't k-know."

Misty's brows furrowed again as she shook her head. She tugged the shirt down to Cordelia's waist before softly taking her hands into her own. "Cordelia, ya ain't a mess. And if what?" she asked softly. Her hands ran over the backs of the other blonde's hands.

With hands back on her own, she could see herself again. But she wanted to see Misty. She allowed her fingers to tangle with Misty's. "I-if... you changed your mind..." She could see how sad she looked. How miserable.

Misty frowned again as she shook her head. "Delia, nothin's gonna change my mind about ya. I can promise ya that." She said.

Cordelia saw the way her face changed to a small smile and her stomach twisted around. Letting one of Misty's hands go, Cordelia guided it to her cheek and caressed it. She couldn't see anything anymore, but she felt the soft expanse of Misty's cheek vividly. Her thumb caressed it lovingly. "Thank you."

Misty smiled softly, brightly. "Ya welcome, but ya don't need to thank me..." she said as her now free hand went to Cordelia's cheek as well, caressing it. "Do ya wanna go out still?" She asked.

Leaning into the touch, Cordelia closed her eyes and focused on it. She nodded, and her free hand moved to pull Misty closer by the waist. She still didn't say anything.

Misty smiled softly as she walked closer, now just a mere few inches between them. "Whenever ya wanna go, just lemme know." She said softly, smiling.

Cordelia nodded. She could feel Misty's hot breath tickling her face. Caressing up her waist to her arm and neck, she cupped both of Misty Day's cheeks and caressed them, gently resting her forehead against hers. "You are one of a kind, Misty Day." She whispered lovingly.

Misty felt her cheeks burning with a soft blush as she smiled even more than before. She licked her lips that suddenly felt dry as she wrapped her free arm around Cordelia's waist. "Thank ya, Miss Cordelia. Ya are, too. I really mean that. Ya amazing, and wonderful, and gorgeous, and... I could go on forever." She chuckled shyly.

Cordelia chuckled back, stepping closer to Misty; it was impossible. She leaned closer; their lips brushed. She felt the expanse slowly, and then she closed the gap. Her stomach filled with the crazy butterflies once again.

Misty felt her breath hitch in the back of her throat as she slowly and softly pressed their lips together. The kiss was soft, light, loving even. The hand that was wrapped around the woman's waist softly caressed the small of her back.

Cordelia felt her throat getting clouded with a bubble of warmth and excitement and love and everything she hadn't felt in so long. Her lips moved softly and so, so passionately against Misty's. She wanted to stay like that forever.

Misty's lips curved upward into a smile, which in turn broke the kiss. "Sorry," she giggled shyly.

Cordelia smiled as she let out a giggle back, caressing Misty's cheeks and allowing her hands to go down to her waist, caressing her sides. "I love your laugh..."

Misty blushed even more as she looked down shyly. "I love yours, too. It's cute, like the rest of ya." She said.

Cordelia giggled a little louder this time. She smiled brightly as she bit her lower lip, and her hand slipped down to find Misty's. "Come here." She guided them to the bathroom—to what she thought was the bathroom. Cordelia was about to collapse onto the wall.

Misty was quick to pull Cordelia close to her, stopping her. "Where are ya headed? Ya almost ran into a wall, and it'd be a damn shame if ya had a bruise on that pretty face of yours." She said softly.

Cordelia gasped as she was pulled back. Misty was strong, and she was weak from being in bed so much. Her body bounced back against Misty's. "Oof—" it hurt a little. She nearly fell. "Sorry—the bathroom."

Misty's eyes nearly bulged out of her head when she realized she had been rough with Cordelia. "I-I'm the one that should be sorry. I-I didn't—I... didn't mean to hurt ya if I did..." her voice was slightly shaky as she grew nervous.

Cordelia's whole body hurt. She felt as if she had been ran over, which caused her to feel even worse for how weak she had become. "It's okay." She reached for both of Misty's hands now, caressing them as she turned to her. "It's okay," she reassured once again as she began seeing what Misty was seeing.

Misty gulped as she nodded softly. She felt the slight sting of tears starting to appear, but she quickly blinked them away as she tried to smile. "I'd never meant to hurt ya, Miss C-Cordelia."

Cordelia frowned as her vision got blurry for a second. She put two plus two together, watching herself through Misty's eyes. "Misty... are you crying?" her voice dripped with love and affection.

Misty sniffled as she looked down. "I'm tryin' not to..." she mumbled.

The sight in her mind went down. Cordelia could see their feet. Her stomach tightened. "Misty... sweetheart..." she let go of one of her hands, seeing nothing once again. Cordelia blindly reached to Misty Day's waist, caressing it. She was getting better at knowing her body already. "Sweetheart, it's okay. I know you'd never hurt me... I trust you in a way I've n-never quite trust anyone before."

Misty sniffled as she looked back up. "Really?" she asked before wiping her tears away. "Cause I know the feelin'... it's why I got so scared. I-I'd never mean to hurt ya." She said softly.

"Really." Cordelia nodded with a small smile. "Don't be scared... you radiate joy, Misty Day. Kindness, light... protection. You're as pure as a diamond, like a flower blooming in the spring. I trust you."

Misty blushed bright red as she chuckled shyly. "I dunno if I'd say all that, but thank ya, Delia... I mean it. You're all that and more to me." She said.

Cordelia blushed. "I'm glad you think so highly of me," she chuckled shyly. Her hand squeezed Misty's waist a little. It was so firm.

Misty smiled softly, shyly still. "How could I not?" she asked before softly pulling away, just enough so she could start guiding Cordelia towards the bathroom. "Alrighty, what did ya need in here?" she asked.

Cordelia chuckled and looked down, walking a little more carefully now. As she felt the floor getting colder underneath her feet, she smiled shyly. "I want to see you..."

Misty smiled shyly as she looked up at herself in the mirror. She grabbed Cordelia's hand, so she could see what she did. Her hair was in its usual messy curls, her eyeliner was smudged under her eyes from not washing it away the day before, and her freckles were a little brighter from spending so much time outside.

Cordelia instantly saw the image flashing in her mind. She squeezed Misty's hands a little before smiling, biting her lower lip. Misty was breathtaking just as she remembered, but even more so now, smiling. Cordelia was in awe.

Misty blushed as she saw the look on Cordelia's face. She smiled shyly as she looked down. "Wish I could give ya my eyes or somethin'."

Cordelia shook her head as she now saw the floor. She squeezed Misty's hands. "Don't say such a thing..."

"I just mean so ya don't feel so bad," Misty explained as she looked back up, trying to remind herself that Cordelia could see through her eyes.

Instantly, Cordelia smiled once again. She nodded, lost in the sight inside her head. She let go of one of Misty's hands to hug her from behind, quickly grabbing it once again. Her head rested on her shoulder as she now saw them both together. It looked... weirdly nice.

Misty couldn't help but smile, even more, at the action. Her free hand rested over Cordelia's that was around her waist. She felt the swarm of butterflies in her stomach kicking up again—going crazy with nervousness, but a good nervousness.

Cordelia was mesmerized. She stared at the mirror, hands caressing Misty's. Misty Day was an angel sent from above. Herself, though... she looked paler and thinner and like she hadn't slept for ages. Her hair was a mess. She sighed, although her stomach twirled with happiness.

Misty smiled softly when she saw Cordelia looking so happy. "Can I do anything for ya?" she asked softly.

Cordelia looked down. "You do... you help me as no one else can. I just wish I could help myself..."

Misty frowned softly before turning to look at Cordelia. She softly wrapped her arms around the woman. "Hey, ya can help yaself... sometimes we just need help doin' that. There ain't nothin' wrong with needin' help, ya hear me?" she asked.

Cordelia didn't see anything anymore. She kind of preferred it that way, for the subject now. The arms around herself carried a strange warmth, a strange and missed feeling of being loved. "The thing is that... sleeping is all I've been doing..."

Misty smiled sadly. "There ain't nothin' wrong with sleepin' sometimes. I used to sleep a lot when I was alone 'cause I didn't have nothin' better to do with my time." She explained.

Cordelia was still hesitant to reach and touch Misty. She caressed her waist slowly. "I'm sorry... you shouldn't have been alone for so long. I'm so glad you found us." That was, in fact, the best thing that had happened to Cordelia in ages.

Misty smiled sadly. "It's okay... I feel like I've found what I've always been searchin' for." She said softly. She didn't want to admit, just yet, that it was Cordelia she was talking about. She didn't want to scare her away, but the woman brought her a feeling of safety she had never felt before.

Cordelia smiled softly. "Me too." She, as well, didn't want to admit she didn't think she had felt that way in a long, long time. "Do you mind helping me with my hair...?"

Misty smiled as well as she softly shook her head. "Not at all, Miss Cordelia. What do ya want me to do? I can just brush it, or I can style it. I mean, I ain't that great at doin' hair... mine's a rat's nest, but I know a few things." She chuckled nervously.

Letting out a chuckle, Cordelia shook her head. "I love your hair. And just brush it is perfect. Thank you, Misty."

Misty blushed as she smiled softly. "Really?" she asked as she pulled away slightly. She saw the bench in front of the sink and pulled it out and guided Cordelia to it. "Sit here," she said.

As Misty pulled away, Cordelia played weirdly with her hands. Now that she had "seen" again, being in the dark felt scary. As she walked with Misty, though, she could see the bench, so she followed and sit there. "Thank you, lo... l-love?" her voice cane softly, shyly. She hadn't done that in a while.

Misty's lips curled upward into a shy smile. She let out a nervous giggle. "Ya can call me that if ya want, I don't really mind it. I wasn't sure if I should keep callin' ya Miss Cordelia or not." She said explained as she grabbed the brush off the counter.

Giggling nervously as well, Cordelia looked down. "Miss Cordelia is uptight..."

Misty bit her lip as she lightly took some of Cordelia's hair into her hand to start gently brushing out the ends. "I know... I just ain't real sure what to call ya."

The fingertips on her hair worked so gently. Cordelia hummed lowly. "Have you ever called a loved one something before?"

Misty shook her head softly. "No, not really." She said shyly. She ran the brush through the ends of Cordelia's hair, slowly working her way up to keep in mind of not hurting her or brushing through the tangles she came across.

Cordelia leaned back softly, subconsciously. "What's your favorite flower?"

Misty hummed softly as she kept brushing and running her fingers through Cordelia's hair. "Either lavenders or sunflowers... what are yours?" she asked.

"White roses," Cordelia smiled to herself. And then she chuckled bitterly. "Hank always got me red ones..."

Misty smiled sadly. "Red roses are so borin'. White roses are always better. They're for purity, innocence, and new love." She said with a smile.

Cordelia bit her lip as she smiled softly. "I agree. They, um," she blushed. "They kinda match us."

Misty smiled shyly as she ran her fingers through Cordelia's now brushed out hair. "Ya think so?"

Cordelia nodded. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. She hadn't felt this happy and this excited for life in a while.

Misty couldn't help but smile even more when she saw how genuinely happy Cordelia seemed. It warmed her heart. "Would ya like to eat while we're out? Or do ya just wanna eat somethin' here?" she asked as she set the brush onto the counter.

Cordelia was embarrassed to eat out. To go out, in general. But she thought she was even more embarrassed to be seen by the girls. Which was absolutely stupid, but she couldn't help it. "Hm... out, I suppose..."

Misty could notice the conflict on Cordelia's face. She gently took one of her hands and caressed it softly. "It's really up to ya... we could even grab somethin' and go eat somewhere else. The flower shop I wanna take ya to has some seats and benches outside. We could eat there." She suggested.

The hand on hers always felt so warm and welcoming. Cordelia could see again. She saw herself in the mirror. Misty's eyes were always on her. It made her blush and tingle all over with happiness. "That sounds very sweet..."

Misty smiled brightly. "I think so too! What would ya like to eat? We can have anythin'. I could even make us somethin'." She suggested.

Cordelia giggled once again. It was impossible not to, with Misty being so cute and with all the butterflies in her stomach. "What's your favorite food?"

"Strawberries and chocolate, but that ain't really a meal." Misty chuckled shyly. "What's yours?"

Cordelia chuckled. Her insides were full of love. "I don't really know... oatmeal?"

Misty smiled softly as she chuckled. "Oh, come on, everyone's got somethin' they love. Their guilty pleasure food." She said as she caressed Cordelia's hand more with a bright smile. Her stomach swirled with happy butterflies.

Cordelia laughed, twirling their fingers together. "It used to be you..."

Misty blushed as she looked down. "I'm ya guilty pleasure?" She asked.

"Yeah..." Cordelia blushed fiercely. "You know... you like it, but you can't tell."

Misty bit her lip as she nodded. "I know exactly whatcha mean." She said softly.

Cordelia bit her lip as well, caressing Misty's hand still. "So... what about we buy some bagels and some strawberries and chocolate?"

Misty smiled brightly again. "How'd ya know I loved bagels?" she asked.

"You eat one every morning," Cordelia answered simply, lovingly.

Misty smiled as she played with the ring that was on Cordelia's finger. She chuckled. "That's true, ya know me so well, darlin'." She said, hoping the pet name wouldn't be too much.

Darling. Cordelia almost squealed. "I... pay attention, that's all."

Misty smiled shyly. "I try to, but sometimes I get too wrapped up in my own thoughts." She said softly.

"That's sweet," Cordelia smiled to herself, still playing with Misty's fingers. They were strong but still soft. It was perfect. Everything about Misty was perfect. She wanted to kiss her again, but she was scared of being too much.

Misty smiled softly. "Wanna get goin'?" She asked softly as she caressed Cordelia's hand again.

Cordelia nodded. "Yes, please. Do you... um, shoes..."

"Oh, right!" Misty said before slowly pulling her hand away. "Which pair would ya like?" she asked.

"Black flats, please." Cordelia smiled shyly.

Misty found them near the bathroom door. She brought them back into the bathroom and knelt down to the floor. "I'm right here." She said before slowly lifting the woman's foot to slip the shoe on.

Cordelia hated it so much. She liked being independent, she wasn't used to counting on other people. Shyly, she allowed her foot to slip into the shoe. "Thank you," she said once again.

"Ya ain't gotta thank me," Misty said softly as she helped Cordelia into the next shoe.

"Still..." Cordelia settled her feet and hesitantly began to get up.

Misty got up from the floor and gently took one of Cordelia's hands again. "It's okay, really. I don't mind helpin' ya if ya need me to." She explained as she guided Cordelia back toward the bedroom.

Now holding Misty's hands again, Cordelia could see. She followed Misty, nodding softly. "This is the best I've looked in ages," she chuckled.

Misty smiled sadly. "Ya always look amazin'. What are ya talkin' about?" She asked.

"You're such a sweet thing, aren't you?" Cordelia couldn't actually believe Misty thought those things about her.

Misty chuckled shyly as she looked down. "That's ya." She said.

Cordelia laughed as she shook her head. "Shall we?"

Misty smiled brightly. "Yes, we shall." She said before guiding Cordelia toward the door.

Cordelia followed with Misty, nervousness crawling in her stomach. Being out after so long felt very weird.

Misty could sense Cordelia's nervousness. "Hey, it's okay. Ya got nothin' to be nervous about." She said.

Except, she did. She had to deal with being blind, with receiving pitiful stares and, now, with stares about her new, if she could call it like that already, relationship with Misty. She nodded, though, lacing their fingers together. I do love her in a way.

Misty frowned when Cordelia didn't say anything. She stopped just before the stairs and gently caressed the woman's hand. "Please talk to me."

Cordelia saw herself once again. She looked so distressed, so pathetic... her head hesitantly looked up to Misty. "I'm just nervous," she said softly.

Misty frowned even more. Her free hand came up to softly caress Cordelia's cheek. "Ya ain't gotta be nervous. I promise. If anyone says or does anything I'll slap 'em for ya, okay?" She joked, hoping to lighten the mood and lift Cordelia a little.

Usually, Cordelia would have given a moral speech to Misty. But that wasn't usually. She chuckled lovingly. "Thank you, Misty." Her free hand caressed Misty's waist, and she leaned closer to kiss her lips until...

[hauntedblonde]

2, 7, 11 ,16 (for all your babes!)

a song I associate with my muse’s past 

cissy | sit still, look pretty by daya

I know the other girlies wanna wear expensive things like diamond rings but I don't wanna be the puppet that you're playing on a string this queen don't need a king

dorcas | head full of doubt/road full of promise by the avett brothers

there was a dream and one day I could see it like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it and there was a kid with a head full of doubt so I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

tig | something wild by lindsey stirling, andrew mcmahon

you've got a big heart the way you see the world it got you this far you might have some bruises and a few of scars but you know you're gonna be okay

sera | bubblegum bitch by marina

got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored I'm the girl you'd die for

molly | girl next door by alessia cara

never have I ever met someone who worries like I do that's nothing new, yeah and I don't really like to get dressed up what's it to you? I know what I can do and I'm not Bowie, Prince or Queen but at least I do what I dream

a song that my muse always sings along to 

cissy | georgia by vance joy

I never should have told you I never should have let you see inside don't want it troubling in your mind won't you let it be

dorcas | have you ever seen the rain by creedence clearwater revival

yesterday, and days before sun is cold and rain is hard I know, been that way for all my time 'til forever, on it goes through the circle, fast and slow I know, it can't stop, I wonder I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?

tig | no rain by blind melon

and I don't understand why I sleep all day and I start to complain that there's no rain and all I can do is read a book to stay awake and it rips my life away but it's a great escape

sera | IMNOTYOURBOYFRIENDBABY by 3OH!3

you know I rep' this shit, I gots it tatted on my skin, if you fuckin' with my city, then you fuckin' with my kin, you know I rep' this shit, I got my hands up on your chest, motherfuckers best believe it, that you're fuckin' with the best

molly | me and bobby mcgee by janis joplin

freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose nothin', don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no no and, feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues you know, feelin' good was good enough for me good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

a song that reminds my muse of their family 

cissy | everything I wanted by billie eilish

I tried to scream but my head was underwater they called me weak like I'm not just somebody's daughter coulda been a nightmare but it felt like they were right there and it feels like yesterday was a year ago but I don't wanna let anybody know 'cause everybody wants something from me now and I don't wanna let 'em down

dorcas | under pressure by queen and david bowie

pressure pushing down on me pressing down on you, no man ask for under pressure that burns a building down splits a family in two puts people on streets

tig | cruel by dropkick murphys

they were cruel, they were ignorant they were beauty, they were kind they were patience, they were virtue they were crazy, they were mine

sera | I’m sorry by tom macdonald

y'all don't comprehend I'm often on the mend I'm depressed a lot, I've wrecked a lot of people who were friends I've been anxious, I've had breakdowns that were all inside my head I regret a lot of things now I won't stop 'til I'm avenged knock knock, who's there? y'all fucked around and let death in

molly | orange sky by alexi murdoch

when I am alone when I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone when I've lost all care for the things I own that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you you who are my home

a song that my muse can’t stand

cissy | wouldn’t it be nice by the beach boys

wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? and after having spent the day together hold each other close the whole night through?

dorcas | dancing queen by abba

you come to look for a king anybody could be that guy night is young and the music's high with a bit of rock music everything is fine you're in the mood for a dance and when you get the chance

tig | yellow submarine by the beatles

so we sailed up to the sun 'til we found the sea of green and we lived beneath the waves in our yellow submarine

sera | I got you babe by sonny and cher

I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring and when I'm sad, you're a clown and if I get scared, you're always around

molly | stand by your man by tammy wynette

but if you love him you'll forgive him, even though he's hard to understand and if you love him oh be proud of him, 'cause after all he's just a man

[laylacooke]

Tune Out the World || Winn & Layla

timing: Yesterday (5/24) afternoon at Tower Comics & Music. parties: @packsbeforesnacks & @laylacooke summary: The start of one wolf helping another wolf figure out life. warnings: Lots of mentions about mental health.

Alright, so, technically, Winn had never mentored a, what, teen wolf before, but he’d dealt with plenty of teen hockey players — and they acted like wolves, often enough. The Bite should be a gift. That was the mantra that César and the others had drilled into his head. But not every Bite was freely received, nor even wanted. And that resentment, that anger, it could eat you up, if you let it. Which brought Winn to Tower Comics & Music. One of the staffers, Mat or somethin’, had set him up in one of their practice rooms, after some charm and the promise of buyin’ out half the store, if need be, and it was just big enough (and, importantly, just private enough) to work for Winn’s plan. He set the guitar he’d been stringing aside and went out into the main shop to keep an eye out for Layla, picking at the odd back issue of Superman. Comics were hard for him to read, now, given the color-blindness, but he still had the odd spot of nostalgia for the brightly colored heroes. He shot off a final confirmation text to Layla and waited.

Layla had received Winn’s texts. To say she was a bit confused was an understatement, and she had wondered if Ariana or Ulf had persuaded him to take her under his wing, or paw, but regardless, she had reluctantly given in and was headed to Tower Comics & Music. It seemed to have been the popular meeting place for Layla and new wolves in her life. Pushing the door open, she slipped inside, her mind quickly going back to the day she met Simon and how she had freaked out when she first smelled him. Even though it didn’t seem like it, she had come a long way since then. Seeing Winn standing near a box of comics, she quietly walked over, “Hey.” She waved to the man with the hand that had still been dressed out in a cast, “Sorry, I’m late. I was helping Ari with something.”

Ah, right, the hand. Mm. Could still strum, right? Probably. Looked like the kinda gal that wouldn’t let a broken hand get the best of her. Winn smiled at the teen. “Hey, no sweat. I haven’t been here too long.” A small lie. He’d spent the better part of an hour settin’ up. But, in fairness, most of that was before the time they’d set to meet up. “Let’s go on back,” he said, waving her forward and towards the practice room. “I figured somethin’ nice and quiet would be a decent change of pace. Plus, you’re gettin’ a free lesson out of it! A wolf lesson and a guitar lesson.” He laughed at his own dumb joke. Once the door was shut behind him, he sat in his own chair, across from the only other seat. “First thing’s first, somethin’ that one of my mentors made us do. It’s, well, a check in? Like, “I’m checking in… calm, today. The sun is out and I’m about to play guitar and my week has been pretty chill, so… calm. Now, you try.”

She had hoped he hadn’t. The task with Ariana had taken a little longer than expected, so when she caught sight of what time it was, it had almost sent her into a slight panic. However, no sooner than she was there, they were already heading to the back. She had never played a guitar before, but she had always been interested in them. Asking for one for her birthday had turned out to be a mistake, but a good one, because ironically, it’s how she had gotten her bow instead. Layla shot Winn a small smile as she followed him back into the room. Taking the seat opposite of him, she settled in as best she could. It was the ‘check in’ request she hadn’t expected, and when it was her turn, Layla paused for a moment, before speaking, “Uh, I’m checking in... depressed today. I’m bull-shitting everyone around me into thinking I’m feeling better, when I’m actually not, and I’m about to poorly play a guitar with a cast on my hand that’s never going to heal. Like that?” She looked at him with a straight face.

Winn barked out a laugh, before quickly saying, before baby wolf could think he was laughin’ at her: “Honesty is good. That’s exactly it, yeah, you’ve got the hang of it! Checkin’ in ain’t about forcin’ yourself to feel any one which way, but really takin’ the time to ask yourself how you’re feelin’, without worryin’ about how anyone else might take it. Thank you for bein’ honest with me, forreal.” He glanced at her hand, appraisin’ it with a trained eye. “Naw, that’ll be healed up ‘fore the next Moon, prolly before we have our next lesson. So long as you’re takin’ your vitamins.” He realized he hadn’t really given her the pitch for this experiment, and backtracked. “Well, next lesson… dependin’ on how today goes, anyway. I’m a little rusty, but teachin’ is the best way to show you know your shit and I’ve got just a stupid amount of time on my hands. I figure, you get time to just be who you are, and not worry ‘bout worryin’ anybody, we both get some time with the guitar, I teach you some wolf lessons along the way, eventually we lead a nice ol’ bonfire jamboree.” He winked at the last bit, to let her know that no public performance would be required of what amounted to informal therapy. “So, ‘m sorry we didn’t get off on quite the right foot, Layla. I’m Winn, and I’ll be your guitar-slash-wolf guru today.”

Layla hadn’t expected the laugh, which caused her to raise an eyebrow, before he explained himself. Winn had reminded her of one of the football players she knew in high school. He was laid back and had a cool persona that probably put most people to ease, and while she had felt a little more relaxed than she had when she first came in, she still wasn’t fully trusting of Winn. It would take her a little while to warm up to him as it did when she hung out with Lucas for the first time, “So do I just tell you how I’m feeling like every time we meet?” She could do that. Acknowledge her feelings. It couldn’t be that hard could it? “I think Ulf said he could get me some.” If vitamins would help her hand heal, she would take the damn things again. Listening as he continued to explain the goal of today’s meet up, she shifted in her chair a bit. Guitar-wolf guru. Okay. “It’s nice to officially meet you, Winn. And if you think I can play a guitar with this stupid thing on my hand then teach away.” She gave him a soft, sad smile. This was going to be interesting.

“Exactamundo,” Winn said. “I swear that I’ll be honest with you, so long as you try to be honest with me. I’ll go first, too, so you can see right away if I’m bullshittin’ you. Though, if y’ever want to start off, just let me know. I’m flexible.” He could sense the tension in Layla’s form, and he didn’t blame her. Some things, you kept to yourself, until you were ready. He wasn’t going to ask her to tell him anything, not unless she wanted to. But he’d always lend an ear to whatever she wanted to offer. If she was honest, well… That was more than some could be. “It’s a good way to get things you need, ‘specially while healin’. Your body needs nutrients to really heal, same as when you were human. Couldn’t hurt to triple whatever it says on the bottle, though. You’ll, shit what’s the word, metabolize it all away? Whatever diet you keep, make sure that you’re getting in calories, vitamins, and minerals. Like, I don’t know, a really intense workout plan.” 

He settled into playing position, strumming out a random chord. “Mmm, before we get to playin’, I want to show you somethin’.” Winn reached over his own guitar and to a plastic bag that was sitting between them. “This? Is just a fraction of the amount of strings you’re gonna snap.” He played another chord. “Control is difficult to master. We tried a bunch of different things, to get me to figure it out. Only thing that seemed to work was this. Changin’ a guitar string ain’t too bad, but try doin’ it a hundred times and you’ll calm down real fast. Every time one of us breaks a string, we’re going to restring it by hand. Your hands can do so much, good and bad. But right now, early on? You aren’t used to them, how they feel as a wolf. How you feel things, as a wolf.” He shook his head, pausing for a moment. “Stop me if this is a little long-winded, it’s all important, but I can try to condense.”

“I appreciate that. I mean I feel like I’ve been open with people, like Ari and Ulf…” to an extent, “but I guess talking feelings is okay…” Layla had been honest about things. Of course, there were also a lot of things about her past that she stayed quiet on, especially when it came to her parents and how they had treated her. But she would save that for another day. She had only really just met Winn, and while he, too, was a werewolf, there were still things that made her uneasy. Not only had her parents wanted her out of the picture, but so had other werewolves, especially those around the Appalachian area, who knew the tale of the Hunter child turned werewolf. “I was a cheerleader in high school, and I was on a pretty strict diet. Is that what I need to go back to?” She wanted to equate this with something she knew. She had constantly found herself hungry, aside from the depression that had sent her into a downward spiral with her mood. In fact, it was a miracle she had even agreed to meet Winn in the first place. 

However, the strum of a single chord made her ears perk. She was interested. His method for helping her had been so unexpected that she wanted to know more. She had never had time to pick up a guitar when she was still normal, whatever that meant, but now that she could feel everything in her small body raging, she was finally getting to try something her parents had denied her. Glancing down at the bag, Layla found herself slightly intimidated, “That’s a lot of strings. Are you sure you want to put this much time into me? Because, if I’m being honest, I’ll probably triple that amount before we’re even a month into this…” She wanted to give him an out. Would it hurt? Yes, but it was better than the teenager investing her time, and more importantly her heart, into whatever was about to happen, only to potentially be let down yet again.

“Mmm,” he hummed, tilting his head. Winn didn’t expect Layla to open up to him easily, or quickly. But the teenager’s hesitation, her trailing voice, when talkin’ about feelings was, honestly, a solid place to start — she would try. That was her decision. Winn was a fan of takin’ your destiny into your own hands. Layla had her autonomy ripped from her by Salva. There were things she could do, big and small, to regain that sense. Agreeing to work with Winn was a choice, one that he would honor for as long as he could, as long as she wanted to. If this didn’t work, well… They’d find somethin’ else. “I play hockey,” he decided on. “Your body builds muscle, now, easier, carbo-loading can be good to just keep it functionin’, exercise helps, but, unlike some stricter diets, this one works best by lettin’ yourself go a little bit, just piggin’ out. Make sure to eat decent, don’t get me wrong, but eat. ‘Specially while you’re healin’. Don’t know if you’ve been ‘round Luke much while he’s been healin’ up, but he could eat Ronald McDonald himself out of a company.” 

He frowned softly, not knowing how much money that Layla had. “And I know buyin’ food can be pricey, and I think I can safely say that all of us would rather you focus on the adjustment than goin’ out and workin’ your ass to the bone. So, gimme a list. Nothin’ is too extravagant. And I’ll set up an InstaCart or somethin’ for you. No arguments, ‘s the least I can do.” He smiled, toothy, at Layla’s attempts to wriggle out; he knew that self-sabotage anywhere. “Naw, Baby Wolf, I already paid the guy at the counter to order me a goddamn truckload of strings. Little weirded out, but I sure as shit ain’t gonna go through them all by myself. Between that and that,” he pointed to the guitar he’d bought for Layla, “I’m in it for the long haul. If you are.”

Food wasn’t exactly something Layla was a fan of at the moment, but she would make it work. If eating and taking her vitamins meant that the cast on her arm would come off sooner rather than later, she would follow his instructions. And Ariana had already been doing a good job at making sure she was fed. Of course, that too had made her feel less of a person, because she wasn’t currently capable of mentally taking care of herself. Somehow, everything she had suppressed over the years, had started to come to the surface, and it was making a fresh start at a new life nearly impossible.

Money had been another issue. She had already racked up a hefty ‘I owe you’ bill just within the past few weeks, and her mental list was getting muddled. Of course, having Winn offer up buying her groceries gave her mixed feelings. On one hand, she wanted to accept and be grateful for them, but on the other hand her pride and the feeling of, once again, not being able to take care of herself seemed to dig at her. But instead of rejecting his offer, she gave in, “I’ll text it to you, and I’ll keep it short. And as I’ve told Ariana and everyone else, I’m paying you back.” If she’d still had access to her family’s fortune, she wouldn’t have been in this mess, but that was an impossible feat.

It was the guitar that really got to her though. Winn had bought her a guitar, and he barely even knew her. Looking over to the beautifully made instrument, tears started to well up in her eyes. Reaching over for it, she picked it up with care and pulled it in front of her. The teenager let her hands slowly pass over it, before sitting it in her lap and strumming the strings carefully. She had wanted a guitar since she was a child, but her mother and father would never buy her one, and within a day, someone she had only met in passing purchased one for her and was willing to teach her how to play, and, more importantly, how to tame what was raging inside of herself.

Letting her eyes move back to Winn, she spoke softly, “You just gave me something my parents never saw fit to give me. Consider me in.”

Winn cocked his head to the side, wondering whether, or not, to push the issue of money. His inheritance… He had a complex relationship with it. His mother, bless her heart, had tried to keep it from him, until he had graduated college. His grandfather hadn’t had the foresight, though, to know what exactly would become of his grandson. (All the better; Winn barely knew the guy. No time to interrogate a ghost whose opinion mattered little to him.) He settled on, “Keep it short, and I’ll triple everything. You’ll waste shit, and I know neither of us want that.”

She was, in no way, shape, or form, going to be payin’ him back, but she didn’t need to know that.

“It’s yours and only yours, alright?” Winn said, a small smile playing at his lips. He didn’t want to let his sunny attitude run over the confession Layla had given him, but this was something he genuinely loved. His altruism wasn’t without benefits; he loved the look on someone’s face when their heart was full. It let Winn see a different side of Layla, a far cry from that night in his basement. If she stuck with it, he knew exactly what to get her for her birthday.

He clapped his hands together. “Let’s get started!”

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

In case it didn't send the last time you did the potion requests, Happiness Potion for Anti? He could use a break from his anger problems

“Hey, um..Anti?”

“W̡̧H҉Ą̵T̷̴?̶!͘” The glitch demon howled as he spun around to face you, his eyes black and his entire body twitching furiously. “I̷̢̧f̵̀ ͝ya̷͠ ͏̵d̴o̸̡ņ't get̡͡͏ ͏̡ó̵ų̷ţ͠t́͟a͞ ̷͜͏m̨̛y̛͜ ̶̵ẃ̶a̸͡͠y̧̧, ̶́y̷͡o̧͠u̷'̡̀r͢͠é̴ ҉g̀͝onǹa ͘b̡̛ȩ̡ m̷y̴̢ nę̀͠x͟͞t ̴́p̀͢͡ù͟pp͘e͟t!!”

You just sighed, aware that this had been the norm for the past week. For some reason Anti has been angrier at everything and everyone more than usual. Normally you’d bear with it, but the final straw came when he made Chase’s kids actually terrified by his yelling, threatening to rip them from his father’s clutches.

Even now he still didn’t seem fully aware of his choice of words. And it was heartbreaking to hear that after all the progress the glitch made to get along with Gray and Sam, thus earning Stacy’s trust and letting them come visit their dad, you, and the Septics more often.

He was just screaming threats and other obscenities left and right, and you feared that he was going to actually carry out the things he said one day.

Marvin knew that an intervention was necessary, and so he created a special kind of potion that affected emotions, with this one claiming to make even the angriest individuals happy.

“I just..w-wanted to give you that “same great Coke taste”, y’know?” You smiled nervously as you offered him the bottle of Coke Zero with vanilla. “You’ve always wanted to try this stuff so..”

He frowned a bit, snatching the bottle from you. "Y'know..you'd make a fine servant if the others weren't here. But next time, you call me "Master". Got it?"

"..yeah. Got it."

"Good." And with that he glitched away, and you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Whew..I didn't think he'd-"

"Did you give it to him?"

You looked over and saw Marvin walk over to you, appearing a bit anxious. But you smiled and and nodded. "Yep. Now all we do is wait I guess."

.........

A while later, you were just sitting on the couch, Chase leaning against you with a blanket wrapped around him. He was having another depressive episode, although this one was minor and you were making sure he didn't go seek out any alcohol.

"[Y/n]..d-do you..think Anti really meant what he said?" He mumbled, tears coming to his eyes. "He's just..gonna throw away all the progress we've made a-and..?"

"Of course not, Chase." You pulled him closer and rubbed his back. "He just needs time to...calm down. Marvin had me slip a potion into his drink that would definitely help him with that."

He looked at you in confusion, but before he could ask what it was, the glitch appeared in the living room.

This time, though, his neck was bandaged and not bleeding, his eyes were bright blue, his glitchy particles barely appeared, and there was actually a smile on his face.

Chase was shocked at his brother's expression, but he dared not say anything. He was used to being made fun of during these vulnerable times, so he just snuggled closer to you, hiding his face.

But then he sensed Anti sit on the other side of him and...hug him?

"A-Anti..?"

"Don't worry, Chase. This'll pass and you'll start feelin' okay again soon. Just remember PMA and all that."

Chase was stunned beyond relief, and he looked over, seeing the demon tucked into his side. He smiled a bit through his tears. "Th-Thanks..why the change of heart?"

"Because I've been too angry with everythin', even for the dumbest reasons." He glanced up at him. "And I don't wanna feel like that and hurt any of ya." Then he bit his lip, before sighing and giving him a smile. "I know I said things I shouldn't have to yer kids so...how 'bout we call 'em up and I can take 'em to the arcade later? To make up for it and show 'em they don't have to be afraid of me?"

Chase blinked in surprise, glancing at you for a moment, although you just smiled and nodded. "I don't see why not."

He looked at Anti and nodded, sniffling as he rubbed his eyes. "Y-Yeah. I think they'll like that. I just..need a minute."

"Oh yeah, no problem!" With a chuckle, Anti gave him one last hug, before he stood up and walked out of the living room.

"..I..can't believe it worked." Chase looked at you once more, gradually shrugging the blanket off his shoulders as a smile graced his lips. "Marvin's a miracle worker."

"Yeah, but unfortunately it only lasts a day," you reminded him. "So we'll have to make the most of it."

"You think he'll remember being..nice to me and all that?"

For a moment, you stayed silent, before you sighed and rubbed his back. "I'm sure he will, Chase. If we need picture or video evidence, then I got my phone at the ready."

[iamnotawomanimagod]

I just feel like...bad.

weighed down, heavy. lotsa impulsive thoughts. restless. vaguely anxious. having trouble sleeping. don’t wanna eat anything, definitely don’t wanna prepare any food, even basic shit. don’t even wanna go to a drive-thru. stomach is upset. and I’m so, so, so tired. I keep thinking I should just go to bed, but my sleep schedule has been insane lately. I can’t even remember when I’ve slept and when I’ve been awake the past few days. I slept last night and most of yesterday, I think.

felt pretty ok when I woke up today. not sure where that went.

my body aches? like my arms, back, neck, hips. even my wrists and fingers a bit.

I think maybe my period is coming. would explain the aches and the fatigue. usual stomach issues would explain the nausea and lack of appetite. having chronic major depression would explain the intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and trouble sleeping.

all reasonable answers, jumpin’ on top of each other. makin’ a big gross pile. of badness. ugh.

I tried taking a shower. it helped a bit - I’d needed one anyway. husband and I are just gonna seek n eat tonight. he’s been really into CS:GO and hasn’t been down to engage much. which is mostly fine, I’ve been feeling pretty asocial. I just want like...bodily contact. feelin’ touch-starved. also keep flaking on my best friend to video chat... I’m just so damn tired, and I know I’ll feel better if I talk to her, but that I’ll also feel more tired.

I mean, on the other hand, I guess anything is gonna make me feel more tired right now.

I should do something but sit here wallowing about how bad I feel. but uggggh. I feel baaaaad.

ok. I think I just need to give up and go lay down. I feel even worse. than I did. when I started this blog.

[writebythenight]

The Silence

Chapter Twelve

Rose was sharpening her knife. It had started to drag the last time she used it when Rick approached her for what she knew was going to be one of the worst conversations of her life.

"Ya alright?" He asked her when he came to a stop.

"Cut the shit... please?" She said sadly. "I know you think I fucked up but nothing bad happened."

"It could have."

"I was armed. He wasn't" Rose shrugged. "I saw the proof that he was sick spilling out of that bucket! You really think I didn't think about it logically? He was sick, unarmed and if he managed to get past me then Eddie was outside..."

"And what if he got past Eddie too?" He growled. "What if he had gotten to Judith?"

"He would never...!" She stopped herself before defending Negan but the look on Rick's face told her he already knew what she was going to say.

"He's gotten to you." Rick looked at her with the look he saved for the times he really needed it, she called it his cop face.

"No..." As much as she tried to hide the uncertainty in her voice she knew it was pointless. "I let a sick man be more comfortable, that's all there is to it Rick. If I really thought anybody could have come to any harm I wouldn't have done it."

The man just stared back at her for a long time looking for any part of her expression that might give away her true feelings. Rick was sure she was starting to soften to the man he wanted kept away from everybody and he couldn't help but feel slightly responsible for it, he had asked her to do just that. How could he be angry at her?

"Shit..." He said under his breath. "Okay." He knelt down in front of her and placed his hand over the one that held her knife. "I trust you, Rose." The sincerity in her eyes told him he could.

"I would never do anything I thought would put Judith in danger." She told him quietly. "Any of you... I fought alongside you!"

"I know." He nodded to her, feeling stupid that he would ever doubt her, she was a strong and capable woman. That was exactly why he trusted her to do it in the first place.

XX

"Rick came to see me yesterday." Was the first thing Negan told Rose.

"Oh yeah?" She asked sitting back in her chair.

"Told me about his day like I'm his fuckin' wife or somethin'.'" He made a sound of disgust. "Kept talkin' about the future you're all creatin' out there." Rose noticed something different in his voice. It wasn't the usual warm tone but empty and her stomach dropped, already knowing what was coming having seen it so many times before. People always ended up here.

He had done so well so far. She stayed silent knowing by now that if he started a conversation he wouldn't need much coaxing.

"I got to thinking' how I'll never be a part of that." He stayed sat on his cot, leaning up against the hard wall one of his long legs bent and the fact that he hadn't come right up to the bars like usual bothered Rose to no end. "I'll never get to just sit outside with a beer, watch people do stupid shit." He paused but it was a heavy one. "I'll never get to have you." He finished.

"Negan..." She started quietly as she stood up at the bars but she just didn't know what to say.

"That day with you..." Negan said softly. "It fuckin' broke me." His voice cracked with the strain of the emotion he was holding in. "The second I got back in this cell I just felt cold, alone... fuckin' hopeless. The silence... it's too much for me, Rose."

"Come here..." She said quietly, not having anything else to say while her heart broke for him. The only thing she could think of doing was touching him, that always made him feel better right? If she could just...

"Im no good for ya." He spoke in the same monotonous way he had when he began this conversation. "Just like I wasn't for Lucille."

"You need to let go Negan. You've been beating yourself up over that stuff for too long."

"I don't want you comin' in here anymore, ya hear me?" He rasped still looking at the wall.

"What?"

"I don't deserve you spendin' all your time in here. You can deny it all you want but I know you got feelin's for me." He laughed slowly, maliciously. "I've always had the worst luck. So meetin' the girl of my fuckin' dreams in the god damned apocalypse while I'm locked up with no chance of a future with her... that sounds just like fuckin' like me."

"Negan you're bound to feel like this! The worst thing would be to be alone... I'm not leavin' you alone to rot in here."

"So what you gonna do spend the rest of your life pining over me like one of them desperate, lonely, ugly fucks who fall in love with people on death row?" He lazily rolled his head to look at me now. "Cos' that's what I am sweetheart. I'm gonna die here. I give it the big fuck you to Rick and everybody but I know I'm not gettin' out."

"Whether you like it or not Negan... I'll be coming to see you everyday."

"Oh shit! You really are desperate aren't you."

"Stop being an asshole cos you think you can push me away." She said not taking anything he said to heart.

"Go find some normal, boring fuck and stop botherin' me would ya?"

"Funny you should say that... Gabriel's started to look real good."

"I'm fuckin' serious, Rose." She had stupidly thought making a joke would perk him up alittle, the fact that he didn't come back with some snark remark worried her. He was right, this was serious. "I can't give you what you deserve. I'll never be able to."

XX

It went pretty much the same way every single time Rose went to see Negan. He wouldn't eat, she got no reaction from him even when she offered to flash him and she as being serious. No matter what she did he stayed in that deep dark pit of depression she has seen so many others in before, had even helped people get out of. This time she felt helpless.

XX

"He's not eating." Michonne seemed to be making a habit out of searching Rose out and begging her to clean up her and Ricks mess. Rose threw down the trowel she was using and stood up to face her.

"You know what Michonne. Neither am I!

He's depressed! Of course he's fuckin depressed! It's fucking cruel. What do you want me to do for him? Give him a prescription!"

"I don't... I just thought..."

"You thought I have some kind of connection with him right? That's what Rick asked me to do! Make a connection with a imprisoned man but get the third degree off you both when I actually try to help him."

"I get it." Although Michonne looked like she wanted to rip Rose's head off she just walked off.

XX

"You've been talkin' to Michonne." Rose's voice echoed in the cell which felt completely empty. No reply.

"You had a lot to say to her apparently." Rose sighed.

"It's been a week. Are you gonna give up?"

Nothing.

"I miss you."

Silence. Rose squeezed her eyes shut feeling stupid in a hundred different ways for having said that.

"You asked me once... what the worst thing I've ever done is?"

She heard him shuffle and hoped she'd finally got his attention.

"Ask me again again and I'll tell you."

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" His voice was still flat but at least it was words.

"It was a while after this whole thing started... I was with two other women and there was these guys, four of them." The same dread that always filled her whenever she thought about it came in floods and she had to take a deep breath. "We joined up with them, safety in numbers and all that. One night they were talking to themselves, laughing about stuff and kept looking over at us. I knew straight away something was off, men have that certain look when they're thinking about doing terrible things. I told the other two, Erin and Abi." There name made her eyes fill with tears. "To keep hold of their weapons and I remember thinking first thing in the morning and we're gone."

She looked up to see Negan had turned to face her now.

"But it was already too late. They came over one with a gun and the other three grabbed us. Pinned us down and I fought, I fought so god damn hard and I was lucky. That's all it was. I wasn't any stronger than the others and the guy who came to me was a little smaller. I got away just before he... I stabbed the sick fuck. There I was running away, half naked lucky it was dark so the shots the guy fired after me, missed." She began crying now and she knew it was an accumulation of everything... the loneliness, her unwanted feelings for Negan, the hostility from certain members of the group but most of all the shame and guilt. "I just ran off. I didn't help them!"

All that could be heard was her soft sobs as she tried to control herself. "I got out of the place we were holed up and kept moving until morning. I've no idea how I survived any of it. I was just lucky. That's the only difference between them and me."

"You did what you had to do." His voice made her jump. "I'm so sorry that happened Rose."

"Don't!" She snapped. "Don't feel sorry for me. It's those poor women..."

"I don't know what the hell you hoped would happen by tellin' me that. All it's made me do is get angry that I can't hold you! That it could happen to you again and I'd be locked up in this FUCKING SHIT HOLE!" He raged worse than she'd ever seen him before. "Yeah you stand there like a fuckin' deer in the headlights darlin' cos there's nothing I can do for ya! So just fuckin' leave!"

Rose hesitated, not knowing what to do until she came to a harsh conclusion. "You're right. There's nothin' either of us can do for each other." She said quietly, in defeat. "I thought I could help you. That was so naive of me."

And then she left.

"Rose.." Negan said so quietly she didn't even hear. "Fuckin' shit!" He shouted, enraged that she was carrying around guilt because of some sick fucks and just as angry that he couldn't do anything about it.

XX

Later that day Rose had been doing paroles around the walls having needed to get out. Walking back to her house she was intercepted by Scott, his warm friendly eyes looking concerned.

"Is it all sorted?" He asked.

"What?"

"Maggie..."

"What about her?" Rose asked getting frustrated.

"I thought you'd have been told... Maggie turned up at here about ten, fifteen minutes ago... I told Michonne..."

He didn't even finish his sentence before Rose was racing off to the place she knew Maggie would be. The panic pushed her to run even faster knowing all too well what the only reason the woman would have stepped foot in Alexandria.

Chapter Thirteen

A/N

So sorry for the cliffhanger but this is close to 2000 words and I don't know if anyone would want a chapter that long.

Thanks as always to anyone who has followed or left comments. It means so much!