#I’m extremely proud of him but I’m extremely proud of myself because I didn’t have to do any of that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thefallennightmare · 1 year ago

Text

Just Pretend-sixteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Please listen to Eyelids by PVRIS during this chapter. Thank you very much.

Tags: @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid

READER

With the notebook in my lap, as I sat cross-legged on my bed with Salem curled up next to me, purring away, I watched intently my laptop screen. My heart pounded so hard in my chest it made it hard to breathe. Noah and Jolly were currently performing a live stream on Veeps and from the moment I clicked on the video, I couldn’t stop staring; with his long hair cascading down his face in perfect waves. His face stone with concentration but yet soft with the features I loved.

“Do you think he’ll mess up like the last stream he did?” I asked Salem while scratching his belly.

Noah’s voice was something extremely distinctive, not just anyone could hold a tune or lit a candle to how he sounded. The way he effortlessly went through every emotion in his body. I looked at Noah as he was pretty still, with thick hair and soft eyes, and he swayed so gracefully that it almost seemed as though he was gliding. I’ve seen beautiful men before; men who caught my eye, but to my mind, they usually lacked the traits I found most desirable. Traits like intelligence, confidence, strength of spirit, passion, traits that inspired others to greatness, traits I aspired to myself, all the traits he had.

I hung off the cliff for Noah for a long time until recently, when I fell to the depths below.

It sparked something in me as I watched Jolly and Noah’s performance. I wanted to do something like this too; to showcase my real voice. I was better without Trey; the band was better. Trey wasn’t the end-all, and I wanted to prove it further. I understood the fans; I knew their positions; I understood their inner turmoil and their panic. Change is actually horrific under some circumstances, not all, but surely a few. This one was big.

Hollow Souls was never supposed to be a 3 piece. Hell, we didn’t even have a guitar player and our tech had to fill in when we recorded My House. Which is why I was learning how to play guitar so I could take Trey’s place. A lot of change within a few months and while it was scary, it was also exciting. But that didn’t stop me from questioning once again if we needed another person. What if I wasn’t strong enough to do this alone? Just the three of us?

What the hell were you worried about, angel?

I was thinking so heavily about what Noah texted me. He was proud of me. Of me! And my friends. That woke me up, he always could. I wanted to grab my phone to call him, and ask him for more reassurance. Our 2:30 conversations were slim and in between and I was struggling with that. I didn’t want to push my luck; he had Bailey.

Bailey.

I rolled my eyes, at the memories of the party. Ridiculous. I was tiptoeing around Noah; I knew if I called him I’d so desperately try to stay on the line. But what if she showed? It was killing me.

Therefore, I was hesitant to perform Eyelids; I was worried Noah’s reaction would warrant further frustration, considering he was in the arms of someone else. I couldn’t handle it because it fucking hurt seeing him with her. I wanted Noah to myself, as selfish as that sounded. I could only hope that in the discovery of my lyrics, he’ll at least know I meant everything we did and said that whole tour, meeting him changed my life for the better; before I hurt him.

I miss him and I only wished I was in his arms.

As the livestream ended, I smiled warmly as Noah and Jolly waved goodbye at the camera and then tried to focus my attention on the paper in my lap.

Amongst the idea of our own live stream, I couldn’t help but want more out of me. It was small; it was something just dying to purge out. However, the more I looked at the lyrics on paper, the more it didn’t fit; it wasn’t me. It was as if these lyrics were meant for someone else.

Letting out a deep breath, I sang a harmony I thought would fit with the lyrics. “Evened the scores, then I let it all go fall apart. And every step forward put a little more sword in your heart, yeah. Looking sideways when I say I’m okay with the past but I’m afraid of what I might say if you ask.”

The more I read it, over and over. It was good; I’ll say that. But, surely it didn’t belong to me. I could feel that. But I didn’t give up yet. I wrote another verse, hoping this one would speak more of me.

“I did it to myself, tried to be someone else. I let it tear me down, and I'll never be the same. I did it to myself and tried to be someone else. And you didn't notice 'til I finally got, finally got away.”

Fuck, even singing these lyrics didn’t feel right. My heart knew that this didn’t belong to me, it was meant for someone else.

Making a rash decision, I pulled out my phone and clicked on the name I needed help from.

“Hello?”

I perked up at the accent immediately. “Jolly! Hey, it's me. Y/N.”

A light chuckle echoed in my ear. “I know who it is, doll, I have caller ID.”

“Ok don’t be smart,” I teased.

“Sorry,” he laughs, “What do I owe the pleasure?”

I bit my lip, wondering how he would take my idea. It sounded rash in my head but if anyone were to listen to my idea; it was Jolly.

“I have something to run by you. Well, actually a few things.”

NOAH

My knee bounced as I sat in my chair, phone gripped tightly in my hand, as I glanced at the clock on my computer.

2:28.

It has been almost a week now since our last 2:30 call and the last one was short as she was running around Japan with her dad. Things were awkward to say the least at the party the other night and I wanted to make sure that things between us were still good.

Good? What’s considered good anymore? You’re dating someone else, dumbass.

Ignoring the voice in my mind, I let out a deep breath before clicking on Y/N’s name; the ringing echoing loudly in my quiet room. It rang and rang and rang. It went on like this for a few more times until, eventually; I hung up the call with a groan. But I wasn’t ready to give up yet and I typed out a quick message to Malcolm.

ME: Is Y/N around? I tried calling her.

Malcolm: Yeah, she’s been in the shower. Has been in there for a while- too long, maybe shaving or some shit. I’ll have her call you.

An audible, deep groan, fell from my lips as I leaned my head back against the headrest of my chair when the thought of Y/N in the shower.

Naked, water, and soap ran down every inch of her unholy skin.

“Shit,” I cursed when my dick twitched in my sweats.

“Noah.”

Y/N’s voice rang in my ear as my eyes fluttered shut, hands in fists on my thighs. My vision was so vivid as if I was in the shower with her, our wet skin ablaze as I wrapped my arms around her from behind to bury my face into the crook of her neck.

“Angel,” I breathed while my palm pressed against my hard cock in my sweats.

My hips raised from the chair as a moan crawled out of my throat, my hand now all but ripping out my dripping cock from my pants. It was red and thick with the mere thought of Y/N in the shower. Gripping it between my fingers, I slowly pumped up and down, thumb grazing over the pre-cum that leaked out from the slit and circled it around the head of my cock.

“Noah, I need you.”

Her name fell from my lips as a prayer while I leaned farther back into my chair as my hand worked faster, the grip around myself tightened as the orgasm buzzed in my lower stomach. The burn felt so good but it wasn’t enough; I needed something else to help me over the edge.

I pulled the extra skin down tight, cock standing straight up in my hand, as I let out a strangled breath. My orgasm was right there, but I wanted to edge myself longer; I didn’t want this vision to end.

Y/N rubbed the soap over every inch of her skin, her fingers teasing over her nipples as he head fell back, water spraying into her mouth.

But after that vision, another one came to mind which made my hand work in faster strokes. Y/N on top of me with her hands gripping my braids as her mouth fell slack with ecstasy. I consistently became a time traveler of that night, the night she rode me into oblivion. A night I’ll surely never forget. Even in these moments, my mind goes there.

“Fuck. Shit.” I cursed as a shock shot from the base of my spine to the top when my body went stiff, orgasm so close to destroying me.

I jerked when my phone buzzed against the computer desk so I stopped my actions but kept my grip tight on my aching cock to realize Bailey was calling me.

Ignore.

With my phone still in my hand, I quickly went to my photos and clicked on one of my favorite pictures of Y/N; from the day we spent on the beach. She was staring straight out into the water, a small smile playing on her sweet, plump lips.

Fuck, I wished those lips were strangled around my cock.

Once the phone was set up directly in front of me, I leaned back into my chair again and worked my hand in fast short strokes, the orgasm once again burning low in my belly.

“Noah.” Y/N’s voice echoed in my mind again.

“Shit, angel. I’m gonna-fuck,” I groaned low, the noise barely audible as it crawled out of my throat when my release finally washed over me.

Cum shot all over my hand and onto my pants but none of that mattered; my dark eyes were stuck on the picture on the screen. Until a different picture appeared which had me cursing and wiping my cum covered hand on my pants before tucking myself back into my pants. Just a simple phone call from her had my dick aching again.

With a few steady breaths, I ran my clean hand through my hair before answering the FaceTime call; Y/N’s bright smile warming my heart.

“Hi Mochi! I didn’t mean to miss your call. I was in the shower.”

She was sitting on her bed, water still dripping from her wet hair, and internally I groaned when the same thoughts as earlier came creeping back into my mind.

“Oh yeah? You-uh-feeling clean?” I flushed while shifting in my chair.

“Well, yeah,” she chuckled. “That’s what a shower is. Water, soap.”

Naked, I know the drill.

I cleared my throat. “Right. Anyway, can you talk or is this a bad time?”

“Actually, I was going to send this in the group chat but since I have you on the phone, I figured now would be the best time.”

I raised a brow as my heart pounded widely in my chest, wondering what she was going to say.

“Veeps offered Hollow Souls to do a stream as well! So I wanted to make sure you were free to watch it, maybe? Totally fine if you can’t, I know you might be busy with-.”

“I’ll watch it,” I rushed out, not missing a beat. “What time?”

“Oh, in about 2 hours?” She bit her lip, hopeful I’d say yes.

My dick throbbed as memories of moments before her phone call replayed in my mind. “I’ll have the tv on standby downstairs, angel. We wouldn’t miss that shit for anything.”

Y/N smiled brightly as she brought Salem into view of her phone, his green eyes staring directly into my soul. “Salem thanks you for the support.”

“I miss him, we really bonded while you were gone,” I smiled a bit.

“Well, you can come by anytime to hang out with him; or me,” Y/N added the last bit slyly.

“Count me in, angel.”

READER

Once dressed, almost ready for the live stream, I was rummaging through my sock drawer to find a pair of socks when my fingers brushed against something soft. My brow raised as I pulled out two small velvet boxes, my mind immediately going back to my birthday.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I opened the box, and a gasp left my lips as the silver necklace and matching bracelet shined under the light of the room. It wasn't anything over the top and there were no diamonds but that didn't matter to me. I wasn't one for over-the-top jewelry, this simple chain and bracelet were enough.

With wet eyes, I gazed up at Noah, who had a nervous look on his face as he fiddled with his wooden rosary. "Do you like it?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into my embrace, burying my face into his neck. "I love it, Noah. Thank you so much."

With the haste of break up, the end of the tour, the move, and everything that happened between Noah and me, I almost forgot about the jewelry. I've stared at this bracelet and this fucking necklace for a while now. To think I had almost forgotten it, I shook my head at the thought. I couldn’t, things that were meant for us to find their way back. Well; at least that’s what I told myself. I yearned for him, his comfort, his gaze. I didn’t plan on falling in love with him. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. I gasped when I realized what that burning feeling in my heart took over my entire existence each time I thought of him or saw him.

I love Noah.

I nearly stumbled on my feet as a breath fell from my lips again. “It’s too late now.”

With shaky hands, I opened the box, my heart skipping a beat. It still took my breath away as I opened the box, clasping on the necklace first then the bracelet.

“I have to admit, Salem” I turned towards the mirror in my room so I could stare at my reflection while the cat sat on my vanity. “Noah did pretty well.”

There was a knock on my open door, and I gave a small smile towards Jolly. “Hey.”

“Almost ready?” He asked.

“Yep.”

He then taped a finger to his neckline twice. “That’s a nice necklace. Who gave you that?”

“It was a birthday gift,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

The corner of Jolly’s mouth turned up in a grin. “That’s not what I asked.”

Ignoring his comment, I slid into my slippers and led him out of my room down to the dining room where we set up earlier.

Jolly first arrived a few hours ago for our daily lessons before helping me set up the stream. After I watched theirs almost a week ago, I asked Jolly if he could come over to help me with my stream. I couldn’t play guitar but we could practice the two songs I wanted to perform.

Chase and Malcolm asked if I needed them for this but I could tell they already had plans. Even though this was a Hollow Souls set, it was more of an acoustic version so Chase on drums and Malcolm on bass wasn’t needed; hence why I asked Jolly to help. First off, who else was better to teach me how to play guitar than him? I knew the basics, but he was helping me hone in on my skills. Second, I needed to talk to him about something important.

As I finished making things were in order, Jolly sat on his chair to strum the first few notes of If I’m There on his guitar.

“Feel comfortable enough?” He wondered.

I nodded while looking at the laptop to make sure the stream was ready; all I had to do was hit the live button.

“Yep. We’ve been practicing every day. It helps I have a great teacher,” I beamed at him. “Thanks for this, Jolly. I didn’t know who else to ask and I know you’re Noah’s friend first.”

Jolly shrugged. “You’re my friend as well, doll. I help my friends and that’s something Noah knows and understands.”

Silence fell between us for a long moment until he hesitated.

“How did you feel about our new single, honestly?”

My shoulders went rigid for a second before I shrugged. “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Y/N don’t take this the wrong way, but you can’t be that dense. You know it was about you, right?” Jolly asked.

“I-,” The words died in my throat.

Jolly raised a brow. “Yeah, so tell me. How do you feel about it?”

“Are you my shrink now?” I crossed my arms over my chest, one last ditch effort at shielding myself from admitting the truth.

“No, a friend,” he sighed while setting down the guitar.

Defeated, I fell into the chair with a groan. “I-I feel sad. Noah must fucking hate me.”

“I assure you, he doesn’t,” Jolly said.

“How can you be so sure, Jolly? He went and found someone else. He’s clearly writing how he feels too. I hate feeling like this.” I sat with my hands folded in my lap as I chipped away at the nail polish.

“So talk to him, because I can tell you right now, Noah’s not head over heels for this girl. I think you know deep down what he’s trying to do.”

I refused to meet his gaze as I shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean. I can’t-he seems happy.”

“Y/N,” Jolly sighed. “He’s not happy unless he’s with you.”

“Then he needs to tell me that,” my eyes snapped up towards him. “I was going to express some things I’ve discovered but-.”

Jolly raised his brows. “Discovered what?”

For a split second, I thought about telling him but decided against it. “It doesn’t matter, I can’t mess anything up for him. I need Noah to need me. It works both ways, Jolly.”

“Y/N you’re not understanding you’ve got it all wrong-.”

“Can we move on, please? It hurts enough to think about him with someone else the last fucking thing I want to do is talk about them,” I let out a shaky breath as my bottom lip wobbled.

Jolly gave me a weak smile. “Sure thing, doll. Did you want to go live?”

“Actually,” I bit my lip before reaching over to the table to grab a piece of paper. “There’s something I want to run by you.”

When he nodded, I handed Jolly the paper. “I wrote it about Trey but the thought of recording it scares me. It’s deeper than what I typically write and it's not me. I thought about selling it but that didn’t feel right.”

I watched intently as Jolly read the lyrics, his eyes taking in every inch of the page, the smile on his lips growing with each pass.

“Doll, this is,” he shook his head. “Amazing. Are you sure?”

Our eyes locked as I nodded. “It’s not a Hollow Souls song. But Bad Omens on the other hand, I know you guys can give it the justice it deserves.”

NOAH

“SHUT UP!” I bellowed while tossing a pillow towards Jesse, who was talking extensively to Orie about some shit that didn’t matter. “The live stream is about to start.”

Jesse caught the pillow mid-throw and smirked. “Excited, are we?”

Flipping him off, I sat on the couch with a beer in one hand and my phone in the other, sending another text to Jolly. He’d been M.I. A all day, and we were wondering if he was going to join.

“Has anyone heard from Jolly?” I asked.

Orie shrugged. “I thought he was in his room.”

“We went to lunch earlier,” Michael said while walking into the living room, bowl full of random snacks in his hands before he set them on the coffee table. “But he said he had some things to take care of afterward.”

Just then the stream began and Y/N’s soft voice echoed through the speakers.

“Shit, are we live? Wait, I probably shouldn’t swear on this.”

We all shared a laugh until we saw who was sitting next to her.

“Hi everyone! It’s Y/N from Hollow Souls. You might have noticed that I have a friend here with me today,” Y/N adjusted the headphones before she motioned to Jolly who sat on her left. “Jolly from Bad Omens.”

Jolly waved to the camera. “Hi.”

“I guess that’s what his errand was,” Jesse said while throwing some popcorn in his mouth.

Ignoring him, I wondered why Jolly was with Y/N right now. I wasn’t jealous he was with her. I was jealous that I wasn’t there instead. She looked breathtaking with her long hair pulled back in a tight bun to showcase the sharp features of her face, her plump lips glistening with the lip gloss she must have applied before the stream started. Her bright eyes shined with the excitement of what she was about to perform which in turn made me sit up straighter in my spot on the couch, a proud smile on my face.

“So, the reason Malcolm and Chase aren’t here is because this set is more of an acoustic one. I recently saw some friends of mine do something like this and wanted to try it,” she smiled over to Jolly.

“I’m here for moral support,” Jolly said.

“He’s actually been teaching me guitar the last week because I wanted to do more for this band since we kicked Trey out,” Y/N revealed.

At the mention of his name, I felt my face twitch but kept it as stone as I could, not wanting to give anything away to the rest of the guys. They were the only three of the entire group that didn’t know the truth about Y/N’s relationship with Trey.

“Did you know Jolly was teaching her guitar?” Jesse asked me.

I shook my head while running a hand through my hair. “I had no idea she wanted to learn. I mean, I knew they had to figure out a guitarist moving forward but didn’t know she wanted to play.”

“She didn’t ask you?” Orie wondered.

I shrugged, wondering the same but did my best not to dwell on it as I went back to watching the feed.

“So, I’m going to sing two songs for you guys today. The first one is a cover, and the second is something new. It’s nowhere near ready for release but it’s been weighing heavy on my heart the last few weeks since I wrote it.”

Y/N adjusted her headphones before glancing over to her laptop. “Woah, the chat is going crazy you’re here, Jolly.”

He hummed in amusement while tuning the guitar. “What are they saying?”

“Where’s Noah? When is the collab with Bad Omens coming?”

Y/N snickered before looking back at the camera, giving a wink. “I don’t know. Noah has my number.”

Quickly pulling out my phone, I pulled up the stream to add something to the chat.

“Oh, look who joined the chat. Jolly, Noah is wondering if you could bring pizza home,” Y/N laughed as she read my comment.

I chuckled to myself as we saw Jolly roll his eyes. Then Y/N read my next comment, her cheeks flushing red; something others might not have noticed. But I did. I watched and analyzed everything she did with a careful eye.

The comment I sent in the chat was something simple; something only a few of us would understand.

We can talk about the collab during our next phone call.

She shifted in her chair, a hint of a smile on her face. “Well, my first song might sound familiar to a lot of you. It’s my first time performing it but unlike Noah did last week, I won’t mess up the words.”

Jolly broke out in laughter before playing the opening notes of the song; one I recognized immediately even though I knew which one she meant before Jolly played the first few notes of the song. There was only one song I messed up on a livestream recently. If I’m There.

Her beautiful voice stung deep into my veins as I fell back on the couch.

“Oh. Shit,” Orie spoke. “No offense, man, but Y/N kills your lyrics.”

I nodded, numbly as I agreed with him. It was as if my lyrics were made for her voice, the sultry tone of it sending chills all over my body. She gripped the microphone with a soft touch and my cock twitched as I remembered earlier up in my bedroom.

As she got to the verse I messed up on my own livestream, Y/N’s eyes opened to throw a quick wink and smirk toward the camera when she sang it perfectly; almost annoyingly perfect.

I felt a pair of eyes burning into the side of my head and briefly tearing my gaze away from the television; I shot Jesse a look.

“What?”

He pursed his lips while shaking his head. “You haven’t stopped smiling since she came on the screen. You look like a kid that was given free rein in a candy store.”

Rolling my eyes, I focused back to Y/N just in time as she sang the last two lines of the song.

“And if you're there to catch me when I fall then maybe Hell ain't so bad after all,” she breathed before pushing away the microphone from her a tad.

Shit.

This was different than Hollow Souls. The softness of the song was fucking made for Y/N and something she needed to do more of.

“Fuck yes,” she beamed but then smacked a hand over her face. “Sorry, didn’t mean to swear. I’ll add it to the jar Malcolm has on top of the fridge.”

“He doesn’t?” Michael chucked.

I nodded while taking a long drink of my beer. “He does. I saw it when I was there taking care of Salem. Thing is empty but fuck is in their everyday vocabulary so you know they’re not adding to that shit.”

Noticing she was reading the comments once again, I quickly typed out one.

Great job, Y/N! Feel free to cover any of our songs. I’d always watch it with a proud smile.

Even though she didn’t say she read it, I knew she did with the way the corner of her lip raised and the way her eyes crinkled at the sides.

“Alright, the last song is a new one. We do plan on having it on the next record but it will sound different from what you’ll hear right now. My friends, thank you for watching. This one is called Eyelids.”

This had me sitting on the edge of the couch, elbows on my knees, as excitement filled me.

“I'll face my fear of the evening once I get used to this feeling. I can't sleep. That's when you're torn away from me. While I'm dreaming I feel you leaving.”

My jaw fell slack, hearing the rawness in her voice with the pure emotion being poured out of her soul.

"I'll face my fear of the sunrise when I wake up with your hand inside mine. It's hard to say good morning when it's followed with goodbye. Just wanted to say good night.”

Something glinted on the screen, which immediately took my gaze away from her face down to her neck, my heart and breath catching in my throat. I remained silent as my body leaned closer to the television.

“What are you doing, man? Did you forget your glasses?” Michael joked.

His voice was a white noise as I moved from my spot on the couch to the coffee table, now sitting directly in front of the screen.

What the fuck?

Is that?

I inched closer and closer to that television, I couldn’t hear what was being said to me as I scrunched my face up and began squinting.

No, it can’t be.

“Our eyes fighting the light but I'm not ready to say good night, ooh. I try and hold on tight 'cause it's just not time to say good night. Say good night.”

It hung almost a little well above her cleavage, that beautiful silky neck- my eyes moved quickly to her wrists.

“Let me see,” I muttered under my breath.

I made an inaudible sound from my throat, mouth peering a little open.

She was wearing them; both of them. My heart raced even further, longer, more rapidly.

I was feeling a lot of things at once; I didn’t quite know how to place them. I needed a beer. I needed to talk to my shrink. That’s what I should do, because the panic was setting in, this ache was almost unbearable.

Why, why would she want to wear them after everything? Even now?

I’m hurting her right back, aren’t I?

Everything has become a puddle of mud, a mess of my volition now. I did this. All I could think while seeing the jewelry I gifted her, all I could hear while listening to her voice was “Maybe, just maybe I’ll come back to you.”

She was occupied by her own complicated thoughts - you could tell from the way she was squinting and moving her mouth.

Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe until-.

“I'll face my fear of the cold nights when you leave me behind. I felt your hands in my hair. I felt your breath on my neck. Yeah, I need to feel you again. Just wanted to say good night.”

My body went still, all the air taken from my lungs, as I watched her lips move. Her own personal conflict was clear in the way the muscles in her jaw tightened and her eyes screwed shut.

No, it couldn’t be.

She didn’t.

Did she?

Was this about us?

No, I’m overthinking this.

“Our eyes fighting the light but I'm not ready to say good night, ooh. I try and hold on tight 'cause it's just not time to say good night. Say good night.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Orie smack Jesse on the shoulder and motioned to the stillness of me; still unmoving.

“Our eyes fighting the light. But I'm not ready to say good night, ooh. I try and hold on tight 'cause it's just not time to say good night. Say good night.”

I could see Jolly vibing along to the lyrics next to Y/N but it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered more than this moment right here as I watched her pour every feeling about that night into this one song. My heart fell deep into the pits of my stomach when I saw her grip the necklace, playing with it between two fingers.

These eyes are closed again for yet another night I wake up and I can feel you by my side. But I can't find you in the dark when you're so far. Yeah, that's the hardest part. Here comes the hardest part.

My eyes dropped slightly in tangent with my shoulders.

Our eyes fight the light. But I'm not ready to say good night oh. I try and hold on tight 'cause it's just not time to say good night. To say good night.

As the last lyric faded into the air, there was a hushed recording playing some words in the background; another small thing I picked up on.

“I mean in what world do I go to sleep after you and wake up before you? I don't even know how it happens. Well, I hope you're having sweet dreams. And you call me when you wake up.”

Fuck.

My bottom lip trembled when I recognized that voice. It was Y/N’s, and it wasn’t just any kind of recording. No, it was a voicemail she left me while she was in Japan. It was right after I missed one of our 2:30 calls. I was asleep but once I noticed she called me less than an hour later; I listened to the voicemail before quickly calling her back.

“Okay, that deserves a curse,” Jolly said. “You fucking killed that, Y/N.”

She was beaming with pride. “Holy shit, guys. You don’t understand how long I’ve had this festering inside of me. It feels so good to get out.”

Y/N clicked on the laptop to read through some of the comments, a small frown pulling at her lips.

“Oh my god. Are you and Trey getting back together?! You were so perfect. No, we’re not getting back together. I grew up since the breakup; I became a savage. But not everything is about fucking Trey. This is just a song about a really awesome guy. That’s it.”

I was still, like a statue, unmoving and unnerving as Joly and Y/N said their goodbyes before the stream ended; a black screen mirror back to me.

Jesse leaned forward in his chair. “Noah-.”

Hearing my name broke me out of the trance and without saying another word, I jumped up from my spot on the coffee table and took the stairs two at a time, my footsteps thundering throughout the house before I slammed myself into my bedroom.

Tears threatened to spill, burning at the corners of my eyes, but I held them in with a choked sob as I ran a shaky hand over my face.

I didn’t know what to make of anything anymore. Maybe just romantics would call this a twisted, toxic beginning to a love story while the cynics would call it a tragedy. In my mind, it’s a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it doesn’t change the fact that it involves a great deal of my life and the path I’ve chosen to follow and that I- I love her.

Ripping the drawer of my desk open, I rummaged through the useless crap, already knowing what I was looking for. I tossed the velvet boxes to the side and cradled the jewelry, my large hands encased them. I pressed them on my forehead and let the tears finally spill to the floor as I fell to my knees, resting my back up against my bed.

I cried; actually fucking cried.

The necklace and bracelet shook in my hands as the sobs wrecked through me. I haven’t cried like this in a long time mostly because I hated being this open and vulnerable. It made me sick, knowing that I wasn’t able to protect myself from these feelings right now. I spent my entire life protecting myself from these feelings only for Y/N to sink her claws into me in the best way possible.

“I love her,” I choked out through sobs, realizing what I felt earlier. “I fucking love her.”

NOAH

I wasn’t sure how long I kneeled on the floor, jewelry grasped deep in my palms as it dug into my skin. But it wasn’t until there was a soft knock on the door that pulled me from the despair. Red, puffy, bloodshot eyes glanced up at Jolly, whose shoulders fell as he took in my state; tears dried to my face and hair a mess from running my hands through it.

“Noah,” he muttered.

“Please leave me alone right now.” I whimpered lowly, refusing to meet his gaze again.

“No. Jesse said watching her perform Eyelids fucked you up. What’s going on?” Jolly kneeled in front of me.

“I can’t-,” I choked on a sob. “I don’t want to deal with this.”

Jolly rubbed his jaw. “Was it the song or the jewelry?”

My eyes snapped up to him. “How did you know about the jewelry?”

“You used the band card to charge it, goof. I see everything,” Jolly gave me a small smile.

“Fuck. Sorry,” I sighed.

“It’s okay man, it’s okay,” he reassured me with a strong grip on my shoulder.

“No, no, it’s not. I’m tired of feeling. I want to disappear, just disappear.”

Jolly now gripped both of my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. "No, you don’t. Don’t say that shit.”

“I just mean I wish it wasn’t this. Y/N’s been giving me mixed signals.” I mumbled.

“Have you thought you’re doing the same? You’re literally hanging out with another woman out of spite,” He raised a questioning brow.

I leaned my head against the side of my mattress. “She won’t tell me how she feels, I’m trying to show her. I’ve always tried to show her.”

“There’s a saying.” Jolly paused, trying to think of the right words to say. “We are defined by what we do, not just nice words. However, I think you’ve shown enough, Noah. It’s time you use your words.”

“I don’t know how,” I admitted with a shaky breath after a long beat of silence.

“If you’re not comfortable talking about it with us, Noah. Talk to your therapist about it- but this has to stop. It’s draining you.”

I saw the way Jolly’s mouth twitched, his own emotions close to slipping through his own mask, but he held it stronger than me.

“Once you’re in a better place, come to the studio. I have something to show you.”

I nodded. “Sure, yeah. Might be good for me to write something.”

Jolly gave one last squeeze to my shoulder. “Love you, man.”

“You too. Thank you.” I smiled.

NOAH

An hour and a long shower later, I walked down the hallway toward our studio with a new tune in my head. The lyrics were loud in my mind as I played with the new bracelet on my wrist, twisting it between two fingers.

“There’s not another way don’t let me go, don’t dig another grave today,” I sang under my breath as I walked through the door.

Jolly was sitting on the couch in the room, guitar on his lap and notebook on the floor at his feet. He looked up as I walked in and had a nervous smile on his face.

“Hey, you better?”

I gave a small nod. “Yeah. What’s this?”

As I sat on the couch next to him, I went to reach for the notepad before he placed a foot over it, blocking me from retrieving it.

“Y/N gave me something earlier. I really like it but wanted to run it by you, if you were comfortable,” Jolly said hesitantly.

I tensed, not knowing how to feel. I wasn’t comfortable with whatever Jolly needed to show me but knowing it was from Y/N eventually made me agree.

He removed his foot so I could grab the notebook, eyes immediately scanning over the lyrics on the page.

Evened the scores, then I let it all go fall apart. And every step forward put a little more sword in your heart, yeah. Looking sideways when I say I’m okay with the past but I’m afraid of what I might say if you ask. I did it to myself, tried to be someone else. I let it tear me down, and I'll never be the same. I did it to myself, tried to be someone else. And you didn't notice 'til I finally got, finally got away.

My heart stuttered in my chest as I licked my lips. “Wow, that’s impressive. When did you find the time to write this? Usually, that's my wheelhouse.”

“Noah cut the shit. You know this isn’t my work. I just told you, it’s Y/N’s,” Jolly sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m just being a dick.” I snorted a laugh while bumping his shoulder with mine.

“Yeah, you are. Now what do you think? We can use this, no? As inspiration, maybe?”

Suddenly the lyrics I sang a moment before walking into the room played in my mind again; I hummed them under my breath, adding it to the lyrics Y/N wrote.

“One second,” I muttered while pulling out my phone.

ME: You sure you want us to have your lyrics?

Y/N’s response was immediate.

Angel 🪽: Nobody could do it better than you guys. You’ll give those lyrics the justice it deserve.

Leaving the message on read, Jolly and I worked tirelessly to rework the lyrics together and when I felt we were in a good position with them, I reached for my phone again. There was still a lingering feeling festering deep inside of me, that I wanted to make sure Y/N was fine with.

ME: I’m taking creative liberty for this, are you good with that?

Angel 🪽: What's mine is yours, Noah.

Yeah, not everything.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #enemies to lovers #right person wrong time #starcrossed lovers

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simp4bsdcharacters · 1 year ago

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Chuuya Dating Hcs!! (SFW)

Augh I love my boy A-5158 sm

Confession!!

Chuuya was not sure at all how to confess to you

Poor boy just came up at your house/apartment and said « Would you go out with me » with a bunch of your favourite flowers and some chocolate

Chuuya’s look just screamed « accept me »

Hear me out when I say this

Chuuya Nakahara did not scream 🤯🤯

He didn’t want to scare you off for what could be your first date with him <3

When you said yes, he was extremely happy, just concealing it

And yeah, that’s pretty much how you and Chuuya started dating

Dates!!

Chuuya would be the type to take things nice and slow

So you guys’s first date was probably just cuddling on your couch while watching TV

As I said, NICE AND SLOW

If you guys are into first-date sex, it’s not for you that he’ll (politely) decline but for himself

Chuuya doesn’t feel ready 💀

(Tell Dazai about this)

When his trust in you evolves, he’ll feel ready to have sex

But not for now 😌

General hcs!!

If you work at the ADA, Chuuya WILL find Dazai and ask him about how you’re doing when you aren’t answering the phone

If Dazai refuses to tell him anything my dude will fucking fight in the middle of the streets for info 🥴

Call him a stalker he’ll be proud of it

If you’re in the PM and going on a mission alone he’s going to say, I quote « But [Y/N], if you get injured while I’m not here I could never forgive myself!! » just so he can stay with you ❤️❤️

Chuuya would grab your hand on any mission you guys are on, at a random moment

’’CHUUYA, LET GO OF MY HAND HE’S CATCHING UP TO US WITH A KNIFE!!’’

‘’NEVER!!!!’’

Onto the first kiss because it wouldn’t dating hcs if no first kiss 😒

Ahem-

A W K W A R D

VERY VERY VERYYYY AWKWARD

Chuuya will NOT lean into the kiss, you will

He will NOT kiss back until you elbow him

Chuuya gets embarrassed for the slightest shit that could happen what would you expect from him ☹️

Call Chuuya your ChuuChuu Train

He will blush and tell you to stfu but he actually like it when you call him that

Its comforting him smh 🤷‍♀️

He doesn’t know how to express his love for you, so most of the time, it’s just lewd physical touches like groping your ass at a random moment or smth

But Chuuya does help you around the house sometimes

He won’t admit it but it’s because he likes doing the laundry to see what you wear throughout the week

Listen guys Chuuya Nakahara is actually a good cook guys 😔😔

and he mastered the art of cleaning as well for unknown reasons

He’s proud of himself when he achieved something for you, he likes to prove his love

I ran out of ideas (help) anyway byee~

#chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungo gay dogs #bungo sd #bsd #bsd chūya #chuuya x y/n #chuuya x you #chuuya headcanons #nakahara chūya #chūya #chūya x reader

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sundew199 · 2 months ago

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Never Lose Me snippets

In honor of my Post-Rumbling Fic being completed, I wanted to put together some of my favorite moments/snippets from each chapter because I love it so much and I've become extremely attached to it. This is probably some of my best writing and I'm super proud of it. This is only the first ten chapters and I'll probably make a part two, just so this isn't ridiculously long.

Warnings/tags: mentions of suicide in chapter one's snippet. Postpartum depression implied in Chapter 10's snippet. This is a f!reader x reiner fic, the story is centered around Reiner creating a building a family with you post-rumbling.

Chapter One: A journal entry from one of Reiner's journals after he attempted, something you were unaware of and stumbled upon:

"I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, want to vomit when I catch a glimpse of what I am, who I was and what I’ll never be. I don’t deserve anything, I deserve to die, rot away in a nameless grave for all that I’ve done. I’m not a good person, I’m the epitome of everything opposite.

I should be dead, I don’t know why I hesitated on blowing my head off. I guess it's because I couldn’t get her face out of my head, her eyes and how’d I rip everything she holds dear if I went through with it. An early death wouldn’t be so different from when I pass on the armor, I can’t be with her forever. Then again that’s what I deserve. She deserves better, deserves a man who doesn’t recoil at his own image and cries himself to sleep as memories flash repeatedly at night.

I can’t allow myself to be selfish anymore, even if I so badly want to spend the rest of my life with her, as unrealistic as it sounds. She’ll live to old age and I’ll die at 25 and become nothing but a faded memory to her. I have so many regrets, more than I can count on two hands, but I think my biggest one was going through with the warrior program and signing my life away when I could’ve spent it with her.

I’d give anything to wake up next to her in our own house, with kids running around in the early morning begging for us to get up and make them breakfast. I’d fucking break through wall Maria all over again if it meant I could have that.

I’ll love her till my last breath even knowing her love for me will fade over time. "

His reassurance after you stumbled upon the journal and read what he wrote: "Reiner could see the hurt written across your face and saw how you took his explanation. Even if you knew just you alone wouldn’t be enough for him to mend the wounds that were his trauma, it hurt hearing how he wanted to give up. You were glad he didn’t but it stung as if he did.

“Hey look at me.” Gently guiding you back to face him, thumbs brushing away the stray tears that ran down the old ones dried to your face. “If it weren’t for you and putting so much faith in me I wouldn’t be standing here in this kitchen. You’ve been the grounding force all my life, my reason to keep going, my reason to be better than who I was. I owe you who I am right now and I thank the universe every single day that we crossed paths, everyday sweetheart.”

The tremble in your bottom lip increased by a ten fold, allowing yourself to go limp in his hands for him to catch you, wrapping you in the familiar embrace that was him. You needed him as much as he needed you, bound together smoothly and seamlessly to always be the salve to each other's wounds, the reminder that it will get better.

Time carried on in the kitchen, calming yourself in his arms with your face pressed to his chest. There was no urgency on his end, allowing you all the time to let everything out. When you pulled away, he smoothed the sides of your face from any remaining tears, pecking your lips."

Chapter Two: Proposing to you.

"His hand came to cup the side of your face, turning you in for a kiss. You smiled into it, placed your palm on the nape of his neck and stood on your tiptoes to meet him properly. The kiss turned into several, languid and deep, all laced with the love so strongly intertwined into your beings. Reiner pulled away, pecked your lips twice more and embraced you.

“You are my everything, my other half.” Pulling away, running his hands up and down your arms. His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, words he wanted to speak turning his throat dry with emotion. “I can’t ever tell you how happy you make me, how lucky I am that my love for you wasn’t unrequited. You are my angel, sent to me when the universe knew I needed you most, without you sweetheart I wouldn’t be standing here, sharing this moment with you.”

He smiled bashfully, pulling his arms away and shoving one of his hands into the pocket where the ring box was, clutching it tightly. He warmed under your expression to his words, the soft smile creasing your red cheeks. Ignoring the constant flipping of his stomach, the dryness in his throat and sweat beading on his neck, Reiner began again, lowering down to one knee. Instantly you gasped, hands over your mouth and your body shaking with near instant tears that hadn’t fallen yet.

“From the moment I met you on that sidewalk in Liberio, when I was ten years old I knew I had to find some way to make sure you would be in my life. Even when I thought I wouldn’t live to see thirty, I still wanted to marry you, wanted to share a life with the woman who became the other half of my heart.” His voice shook, laughing cumbersomely and finally bringing out the ring box from his pocket.

You were sobbing before him, stifling your tears of happiness as best as you could. Reiner’s entire body trembled as he fought to find the next words to go along with the famous four.

“There is nothing else in this world that I have ever been so sure of, what was once a hopeless dream that I knew I had to make a reality when I was given a second chance, a second chance with you and to make the most of this life and cherish you like you deserve.” Pausing, Reiner blinked the few tears that escaped, opening the top of the box to reveal the ring he spent so much of his time fussing over.

“Which is why I brought you out here tonight, to ask you a very important question sweetheart. Will you marry me?”

Chapter Three: His Doubts on Fatherhood:

"Saying that outloud was a lot for him at that moment, a vague statement that held layers upon layers beneath it. Reiner knew his most inner insecurity was failing as a partner and now add father to that list and he was a mess with unrationalized thoughts about what could or couldn’t go wrong. Not having a dad growing up and seeking out said father and finding out he had nothing to do with him rewired him that day. Reiner didn’t want for one second that his future son or daughter felt unwanted by him, to not see the lengths he went to to make sure they were loved and cherished by him, that they were all he could’ve asked for. He knew the nursery not being done when they arrived wouldn’t matter to a newborn baby, but it mattered to him.

“Why’s that?” Came your tentative voice, one of your hands resting over his hand and your thumb rubbing soothing circles on the inside of his wrist.

“Because I want them to feel appreciated and wanted before they arrive, to know that I want them in my life and that I’m excited to be their dad. I know a newborn baby isn’t going to know or comprehend any of that so I guess it’s more for me, to make up for what I didn’t have.”

He wanted to cringe at how selfish that sounded, but he was telling you the truth. This baby would never experience what it felt like to be unwanted, to go to the farthest lengths to earn approval from him. Reiner would die before he ever allowed his children to feel an ounce of what he felt growing up. Finishing the nursery may have been seen as something not as important to anyone else, but to him it was the first step to being anything but what his mother and father were to him.

“Reiner. This baby is already so loved. I know how important all of this is to you, but I feel like you’re trying to prove something to me as well, which you don’t have to.”

Tears were burning at the corners of his eyes, blinking rapidly so he wouldn’t embarrass himself over crying in the kitchen over old buried trauma. Frustration simmered inside him often when he felt the weight of old wounds resurface after so many years, so sure that he’d healed from it at this point. Even with your constant reminders that healing was never linear and that it was okay, Reiner at times felt pathetic for letting it affect him like it did.

“I just want to be a good dad, I’m scared that I’ll get in my own head and fail and be like my dad and I don’t want that. Even though I’ve wanted kids and I’m so excited, it’s overwhelming sweetheart.” A thumb came to brush the tear that slid down his cheek, inhaling a shaky breath and shuffling his weight on his feet. Reiner hated that this was overwhelming when it’s all he’d ever wanted. Grappling with new emotions and situations was never his strong suit and he hated that about himself sometimes, he wished it were easier to carry the stress of an impending arrival such as this one, but by god he was overwhelmed and scared and channeling that into working and finishing the nursery along with various other things for you and the baby.

Chapter Four: After his daughter is born:

"A quick glance over to him and Reiner was crying, holding Maisie just under his chin and repeatedly kissing the crown of her head. Her fists were curled tightly to his shirt, holding onto Reiner as if she knew it would comfort him. Seeing your fiance so emotional at such random had the all too familiar lump forming in your throat.

“I’m sorry - it just feels like I’ve been dreaming, that I’m going to wake up back in warrior barracks in Liberio.” Choking out on a whisper, tipping his head back so the tears wouldn’t roll down his cheeks too quickly. A smaller hand that belonged to you, landed over his that was cradling Maisie to his chest, offering your presence. “I don’t know why I’m having the sudden realization now that this is real when she’s six weeks old I- fuck sweetheart this is real right, I’m not going to wake up.”

A quiver began in your bottom lip hearing the plea in his tone, like he was so afraid this would all fade from existence, slip from his fingers as he tried to hold on. Forming the words of reassurance were a struggle, mouth running try as you mouth silent words to a response. That seems to prompt a further reaction from him, blinking rapidly and forcing a smile, pulling you tighter to him.

“Yes, this is…this is real Reiner, you're not going to lose this. You’re going to wake up in your bed in the home you built, next to me and next to your daughter.” Finally managing to say a few words, though your voice was so strained from keeping the tears at bay you feared he might’ve not heard you.

His head bobbed in understanding, pressing his lips to the crown of Maisie’s hair and squeezing his eyes shut. What once was a broken, scarred man who convinced himself he was worthy of nothing but an early death, sat beside you a man who couldn’t be more grateful for the life he had, the life he swore would never come to fruition. Reiner inhaled sharply, lifting his head up and back to take in a few deep breaths.

“I mean it when I saw you’re the greatest thing that’s happened to me, you’ve given me a family sweetheart, made me a father and will make me your husband. You and Maisie are my entire world, my entire purpose.” His hand came to cradle the back of your head, looking at you with glossy eyes that swirled with endless amounts of love and appreciation for the impact you had on his life. Tears were falling down both of your cheeks, Reiner wiping the one he could with his thumb and letting out a few laughs, amused that his uncontainable emotions were bringing you both to tears. Maisie remained unfazed on his chest, sleepily blinking back at you, bringing a tender smile to your lips.

“I’d choose you all over again if I had to, every single time sweetheart.” Sealing his words with a tentative kiss, allowing it to linger even if it was only meant to be short, swiping his thumb over your cheek once more for added adoration. Your hand wrapped around his wrist, bringing it to you so you could plant a kiss on his palm."

Chapter Five: A conversation you had with Pieck about her grief post-rumbling and planning for a wedding:

“Perfect, she can help us with the wedding planning, maybe wait till she’s old enough so she can be a little flower girl.”

Warmly you smiled at Pieck, touched that she wanted to involve Maisie in her wedding. She’d make the cutest flower girl for sure, steal the show from the new couple by accident, but Jean or Pieck wouldn’t care, Maisie couldn’t help it.

“How is the wedding planning going?”

“It’s…it’s a work in progress. Jean and I are so busy half of the time there’s barely any time to discuss. I know he for sure wants to try and have it back in Paradis.”

“Really? How do you feel about that?”

A shift in emotions crossed her face, weakly giving you that somber smile. Pieck was guarded, a lot more since the rumbling, losing everything like everyone else did, but also losing so much more at the same time.

“I’m really not sure. His parents are back in Paradis so of course I understand that, but my dad is buried here and so is…everyone else.”

Your heart clenched, remembering the day you attended the small funeral for Mr.Finger and not too long after helping with the small grave sight for the friends who never got to see the end of the war. Marcel, Porco, Bertholdt and Colt all had headstones made in commemoration, not too far from the town hall. Reiner, Annie and Pieck visited often, as did you before Maisie. Though small and something dear to the four of you, the gesture and connection was there.

“I’m sure Jean understands.”

“I haven’t mentioned it.”

“Pieck…”

She sighed, tapping her nails on the table and looking around the cafe. You had a feeling you knew why she hadn’t mentioned it to Jean, the almost relationship she had with Porco and the time it took for her to accept his death. Like Reiner, there was a weight that crashed down after the rumbling, the weight of losing everything and realizing you'll never get to see some people ever again.

“I know I should, but I don’t want him to take it the wrong way.”

“How would he take it the wrong way?” Questioning her gently, careful not to pry too much into her relationship. Maisie smacked at the table, innocently unaware of the heavy emotions hovering between you and Pieck.

“I don’t know, I’m probably overthinking this. I just wanted to get married here, because… I want our friends to see us get married.”

Anguish of a different kind came over you, reaching for Pieck’s hand and lightly squeezing it. The tonnage of losing people you considered family would never go away, shadowing over happy and joyful events that were intended for celebration. You felt a little bit of it after Maisie was born, wishing Bertholdt were here to meet his best friend's daughter. Reiner never said, but you knew.

“Talk to Jean about it, it’s your wedding too and I have a strong feeling he’ll understand and the two of you will come to a compromise.”

The small signature smile came from her, nodding softly and squeezing your hand back finally."

Chapter Six: the aftermath of your daughter turning one:

"When he returned, you waited for him, curling into his chest when his arms came around you. The attempts to lull you to sleep with the gentle motions of his hand rubbing up and down began to work until you shifted and reached for your book. Instead of grabbing it from the drawer of your nightstand, your fingers grasped the soft fabric of something, pulling it out to reveal the baby blanket you brought Maisie home from the hospital in. You’d put it in there a long time ago so you’d never lose it, a small keepsake from when she was a newborn.

Bottom lip trembling seeing how small the fabric was, instantly reminding you that at one point she was that small. You sniffled and let out a sob, clutching it to your chest and curling back into Reiner. He called your name repeatedly, confused by the sudden turn around of events.

Finally, looking at him through the tears you spoke.

“She was so little, Reiner she was so little. What happened?”

Unable to see the relieved smile on his face as you’d buried yours in his chest, Reiner bit back the little chuckle and squeezed you close. He held you while you cried, the emotions of your baby turning one crashing down all at once. If you knew all it took was looking at the blanket she came home in, then maybe you would’ve done this earlier, get all the emotions out beforehand.

Pulling you away, Reiner wiped your tears and let out a sigh. His face read of endearing smugness, the kind when he knew eventually all your worries would be solved. Part of you felt as if he was simply waiting for a moment like this, knowing it was bound to come.

“Do you feel better?”

“No?! Our baby is one, I feel sick.”

He laughed then, hauling you into his lap and using his hand to tuck your head under his chin, rocking you as if you were Maisie, which actually turned out to be kind of soothing.

“It’s only going to get worse from here.”

“Thanks, I feel so much better.” Sarcastically sniffling, rolling your eyes even if he couldn’t see.

Kissing the top of your head, a mischievous chuckle rumbled in his throat, already knowing he was just going to continue to add on.

“She’ll start talking in full sentences. Eventually waking us up in the middle of the night to crawl into bed with us.”

“Stooop.” Whining on top of him, purposely interrupting his ramblings for the sake of your emotional stability.

“Then she’ll be begging you to put bows in her hair, braid it and style it how you want. Insist on following you around everywhere, turning into a mini you.”

“She’s already growing so fast, she walked for the first time all by herself today.”

Unable to help the small sniffle and tears once you remember Maisie hit another milestone today, Reiner paused for a moment, bringing you up to look at him. His eyes were misty, the attempt to pester you backfired.

“Yeah, but she’ll always be our little girl, our Maisie.” Whispering and fighting the tremble in his bottom lip with a weak smile.

Thumbing over the quivering lip, you pressed a small kiss to his lips, curling back into him with your face pressed into the side of his neck."

Chapter Seven: Yours and Reiner's wedding vows.

Reiner's to you: "Instead of reaching for the cards stuffed in his pocket, his head dipped in one final composure of his emotions before looking back up to meet you in the eye.

“From the moment I met you sixteen years ago it was love at first sight, even if ten year old me didn’t exactly know what that was, I can guarantee it was. When I had to leave for Paradis the first time all those years ago, I promised myself I would make it back, not for Marley or the brass but for you. I didn’t have a grasp on why my heart yearned for you all those years away, but I finally understood when I saw you standing there on that dock, meeting me in each other's arms.” His voice shook further and further with every word he spoke, noticing the two tear stains on your cheeks. Sucking in a deep breath, Reiner kissed your knuckles and continued.

“You didn’t have to care for me the way you did when I returned, didn’t have to reassure a broken man who saw himself so unworthy in his own eyes, didn’t have to stay up late with me all those nights when I couldn’t sleep, but you did. You showed me unconditional love and understanding after five years apart, never judged when at the time that was all I felt deserving of. You mended the broken pieces of my heart and soul with your attentive care, brought the light back into my dark life, helped me push through each day. You were my second chance at life, my reason to keep going even when I thought living to my thirties was never going to happen. So when I saw you again in Fort Salta, I promised myself to be the man you deserve, be the father our daughter deserves, because there aren’t enough words to express how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how you shape this heart of mine, I never want to leave this world without saying I love you.”

Yours to Reiner: "The faint sniffles from the friends and family watching on was nothing but a buzz in his ears, training his eyes on yours and watching the emotion swirl. Reiner kissed your hands one last time, holding them between your bodies and waiting for you to speak. When you were composed enough, you let out a little laugh with the tremble in your lip.

“Crossing paths with you changed my life forever, even if our first encounter was brief. I will admit I never understood the infatuation you had for me, why you pestered me endlessly and always ended up by my side. When I dropped out of the program, I was scared I wouldn’t get to see you again, but of course you made it a point to walk with me to and from the headquarters, even if it potentially made you late to training. I realized my crush for you right before you left, feeling so blindsided and wondering if I’d ever get to see the bright blonde boy who loved to point out the butterflies on our walks home again.”

Your hands shook in his, Reiner quickly seeing the turn of your emotions for what you were about to say next, bracing himself for the tears that were building in his waterline and the lump rising in his throat.

“When you did return, I was so happy to have my best friend back, so excited to mess around like before you left, but I realized that boy was buried deep inside you. I knew you weren’t lost completely even though some nights spent in your apartment I questioned if there was a light at the never ending tunnel. I never had any concrete reasoning for staying by your side when you returned, just wanting you to be okay and scared I would lose the one person who made my heart flutter when I saw them. I know you feel as if you’ll never truly be the man I deserve and I want to tell you that you’re wrong. You’ve always been a man worth loving, a man worth a life full of happiness and health, worthy of a family and friends who see you for who you are. You’ve always been the other half of my heart before I even realized it and I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not be able to tell you how much I love you.”

Chapter eight: Yours and Reiner's daughter feeling her younger sibling kick for the first time.

"Smiling at the following question, Maisie crawled over your leg to get to Reiner, climbing onto him like a tree and poking next to the corner of his eye. You watched as he praised her for the correct answers and the gentle correction at the wrong ones. Reiner went over the features of his face until he started to point to different ones and wait for her to respond. And Maisie did flawlessly, still working on some of the pronunciations but both of you knew what she was trying to say.

“Baby.”

Your daughter had rotated her head in your direction, pointing at your stomach. Reiner shared a look of awe with you, neither of you had mentioned that often there was a baby in your stomach but Maisie knew and both of you were a little shocked to say the least.

“That’s right, there's a baby in Mommy’s tummy.” Patting the center of your abdomen as you confirmed her observation. Even though Maisie had just pointed it out, she looked a little perplexed, moving to sit between you and Reiner, staring at your stomach.

Lifting the hem of your shirt until the small bump was revealed, you rested your hand at the crown, watching your daughter's eyes widen in even more fascination. Like she was scared something was to happen, Maisie reached her tiny hand out and rested it on the side of your stomach. Eyes blinking so slowly as her mind turned with pondering, working out the complexities of your pregnancy that she now suddenly became aware of.

A flutter rippled under your hand, barely noticeable at first but when the action repeated your eyes widened. If you were correct, the baby just kicked for the first time, and patiently you waited to see if they would do it again.

“Reiner.”

“Hm?” Taking his eyes off of Maisie to see what you wanted, having to balance his weight quickly as you grabbed his wrist to place his hand where yours was. At first he questioned what you were doing until he felt the tiny kick. The air in his throat hitched, body completely frozen as he waited for the baby to do it again. Maisie had been watching you two, not sure why your eyes were wide and bodies so still, so she moved her hand next to Reiner’s, feeling left out.

Instantly, your husband guided her hand to where his once was, placing his comically larger one over Maisie’s and waiting on bated breath for the baby to hopefully kick just one more time. It would be an experience for your daughter, feeling her sibling kick in the womb in her presence and you hoped they would cooperate.

Sighing in relief when the kick came, Maisie jolted a little, unsure of what that was, looking back at Reiner for answers.

“That’s your brother or sister Mais, say hi.” Speaking softly by her ear and smiling with pride, encouraging his daughter to greet her sibling.

“Hi…”

You were melting on the spot, seeing Maisie timidly acknowledge the baby even if they couldn’t hear her, Reiner sharing the same look as you. A few moments passed with occasional kicks and Reiner guiding his daughter's hand around your stomach to entice them to keep making their presence known. With each one, Maisie smiled, even if she wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, she knew just by the looks on yours and Reiner’s face that it was a good thing.

When the kicks couldn’t be felt anymore, you pulled your shirt back down and curled up next to Reiner, with Maisie beginning to doze off in your lap. The soft pats from your palm and the occasional threading of your fingers in her hair, she loses her battle with sleep quickly."

Chapter nine: doubts about being a good mom.

"“What’s wrong?” Murmuring, letting your hands fall in your lap and running his own up and down your arms. As he waited for your response, he tried to think of any possible reason why you could be upset, wanting to have his own comforting words ready the moment you were.

“I’m just worried over everything .”

Reiner softened, nodded for you to keep going. “I feel stupid for all this anxiety when we’ve already done this, but what if Maisie doesn’t like the baby and lashes out? How am I going to take care of two kids when you’re at work? What if I can’t-”

“You can.” Cutting you off despite knowing there was probably so much more on your mind you needed to voice. A deep sigh exhaled through his nose, taking a moment to wipe your tears and kiss the little salt stains they left behind on your now flushed cheeks. Understanding how you felt, feeling similar to before Maisie was born, Reiner moved to take you into his arms for an embrace. The soft strands of your hair tickled the side of his face, threading through with his fingers for further comfort. He could hear the further cries into his shoulder, letting his arms tighten around you.

“I know it’s been a lot for you recently, but sweetheart you know I’m going to be here. You know I’m going to go out of my way to be there and help you out, even if I am at work.” Pulling you away so he could look you in the eyes as he spoke. Reiner couldn’t help but give a silent chuckle when he scanned over your face, looking so much like Maisie when she got upset. Dipping down for a small soft kiss, he held the sides of your face as he gave you the most affectionate look he could muster.

“You are an incredible woman, mother and wife. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you won’t be able to handle both of them because you’re smart, caring and face every obstacle with a calm, sound mind. Everything is going to work out one way or another.” Affirming to you once more that there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do nor face alone if Reiner could help it. His commitment would always be to you no matter what, be there for you like you were for him in trying times. Even if he were away and you needed him, Reiner would break and bend laws to be by your side, it was the least he could do for all that you had done for him.

“I just don’t know why I’m so worked up over this?” Wiping your nose on the back of your hand, looking up at him and then back down to your stomach. Reiner followed your gaze, carefully climbing over you to sit beside you, quickly checking on Maisie as she napped.

“Because it’s an entirely new situation, for the both of us, double the responsibility. We don’t know what it's like to raise more than one kid and that’s okay, it’s all about figuring it out as we go.” Running his finger lightly over your bump, then palming it in the center. Reiner would admit that he’d had thoughts like yours recently, nothing to this extreme, moreso worried about the present, forcing himself the reminders that he would face the future when it came.

“Yeah.”

Your response was plain, but reduced of the worry and uncertainty. Hooking the hand on your bump under your chin, Reiner laid the last of his comfort into the kiss he pressed to your lips. Whatever anxiety remained, melted off of you as you kissed him back, quickly wrapped in the blanket that were his words and actions. Reiner kissed your forehead, reaching over to bring Maisie back to his arms.

“You’ll be okay, I’ll always make sure of it.”

Slouching against the headboard once he was readjusted, he reached for your hand, stroking his thumb over the top. Whatever life had to throw this way, Reiner made the same promise over and over again, to be everything and more to you, till the day he drew his last breath."

Chapter ten: dealing with postpartum depression after yours and Reiner's son his born.

“I’m sorry.” Trembling words left your lips, sounding so pathetic and weak. You were pulled off so you could look him in the eyes, concern laced with sternness was what you were met with.

“For what?” Asking as if it were a rhetorical question, holding the side of your tear swollen face and dabbing a few of the tears away with his hand.

“For…for I don’t know, he wouldn’t calm down or stop crying and I tried everything but it wouldn’t work.”

Your husband somehow softened and hardened at your words. Reiner wasn’t truly upset with the situation, moreso with the fact that you immediately turned apologetic for being unable to calm Gabriel down. There were no signs that this was inherently your fault, and Reiner knew things would be testy with your emotions a good while after giving birth. Navigating these emotions were like walking on crack glass high in the sky, stepping lightly and weighing his words and actions to keep from everything shattering. It pained him like no other that you were a mush of emotions, knowing how mentally taxing it was on you. If somehow it were possible for him to carry all of that for you, he would.

“Sweetheart, there’s nothing to apologize for. Sometimes babies get that way and it just takes more time to calm them down, you know that.” Wrapping an arm around your waist and hauling you into his lap. Dexterous fingers glided along your flushed, tear stained cheeks, looking at you with pure adoration. Reiner knew you were bearing the weight of being strong and capable as he returned to work earlier than expected. He hated that you felt the need to do that, his promises were still true and he would uphold every last one to ensure your emotional and mental health.

“But you just got home from work and immediately had to take care of the situation. I didn’t even have dinner ready, nor did I greet you.” Your words turned into apologetic ramblings, overexplaining to make up for the situation at hand.

Sweetheart,” Brushing a thumb along your bottom lip to quiet the shaking words leaving your lips. “It’s okay, I don’t expect any of that when I get home. I care about seeing the three of you, that’s it. And it doesn’t matter if I just walked in the door and you need help, I’m your husband and their dad, it's the bare minimum of what’s expected of me.”

His words were like a wall of truth smacking you in the face, not wanting to accept it. Your husband deserved to come home and relax for a bit before jumping into parental duties, at least that was your reasoning. Reiner already had so much to handle and throwing more on him just felt…wrong. It was a way of showing your appreciation towards him, a little out of the ordinary but you couldn’t think of any other way at the moment.

“I’m just-'' Taking in a shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut for the confession you were about to let out. “I’m just so tired. They both need all of my attention and I want to do everything I can to give it to them but I feel so drained and I know that makes me sound like a bad mom. It’s not fair that you’re not here and it’s even worse for me to just dump more on your plate when you get home, I hate it and I feel like a failure.”

Unable to look Reiner in the face, ashamed at the words that left your mouth, you buried your face in your hands, letting out pitiful little sobs. It was one thing to inwardly confess to feeling like a failure, but to voice it aloud to your husband struck you so much harder than you expected. Intentionally or not, you dubbed yourself as the strong one, the one to lean on instead of the other way around. Reiner never burdened you with that notion, that was all your doing and you knew that. Everything had gone so smoothly with Maisie, you’d admit your expectations were high with Gabriel. Naive thinking yes, but were you so wrong in thinking that?

Settling for embracing you and pulling your hands away before he spoke, Reiner smoothed his hands over your back, rubbing circles to calm the pent up emotions inside you. He knew you held some resentment for him going back as early as he did and he couldn’t blame you. But for once he didn’t let that get inside his head, because at this moment he needed to be the rock to your support and not pity himself over something he couldn’t control.

“You’re not a failure sweetheart. The fact that you’re so upset over this tells me how much you care.” Using age old lines he once heard over and over from you to offer the same reassurance and relief it brought him. “I know it can be hard to ask for help when you feel like you can handle everything, but you need to put yourself first sometimes. You are not just a mother, you’re a person with their own individual self that deserves to just have moments to yourself. It’s not selfish or greedy to want to be away from the kids for a bit, its healthy and that’s all I want for you angel.”

Bringing yourself to look Reiner in the face, letting out a long somewhat defeated sigh, you gave a small nod. There were thousands of reasons why you loved Reiner, but his poetic words of reassurance were at the top of your list, the man stringing together words and sentences that were so beautifully conveyed that calmed your weary soul. Your husband was truly the better half of your and you couldn’t even imagine living in the world without him.

“It’s not going to happen overnight.” Countering back a bit with slight humor in your tone, the tonnage of your inner struggles lifting slowly.

His lips curled into the softest smile, tracing the lines of your cheekbones and tilting his head in a small nod. “I know, but you’re not alone, you’re never alone and I want you to get used to leaning on me more when you need to. I’m never going to judge you for whatever is bothering you, nor your thoughts or feelings.”

#reiner braun #attack on titan #snk #aot reiner #reiner x reader #reiner x you #post-rumbling #reiner fluff #snk reiner

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sucka4pain · 1 year ago

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Yandere 42! Miles Morales feeling grumpy all day at school and getting a little more upset when his girl wouldn't answer his texts. Only to see her surrounded in a circle of students cause she's beating the breaks off another girl who was riling her up talking bout her man.

And miles ain't know she could fight like that‼️and how would miles feel about her extreme jealousy?

I absolutely love this wait a damn minute…

A/n: Finally got out of writers block smh, I’m sorry that this took so long to do cutie pie😞 I also made the reader poc cause I gotta give my poc girlys including myself some love yk? I hope you don’t mind that!!<3

Warnings: Violence, fighting, yandere theme, jealousy, blood, pet names (mamas and mami), and cursing

Continue reading below the cut! Be warned as this contains dark content!!

Miles: hey mami, good morning

7:44 a.m

Miles: why ain’t you answering me?

9:57 a.m

Miles: at least leave me on seen or sum shit so I know you seen it.

11:32 a.m

He closed his phone and groaned as he feels his grumpiness getting to him. “Yo Miles, you good?”

His friend asked him seeing Miles is more grumpy than he usually is. “I’m fine.” He replied as his friend knew he was lying but decided to not push it and just thought that he was just having an awful morning. The only times when he did have awful mornings is when Y/n wasn’t around, and this was one of those awful mornings.

The bell rang and Miles got up to leave and as he walked out the classroom whispers were surrounding him. The soft voices going in and out of his ears, they filled the hallways. He managed to make it to his class and sat in his usual seat by the window in the back.

All of a sudden, students yelling and running could be heard outside the class, curiosity got the best of Miles as he got up from his seat to see what the ruckus is about. He used his taller figure as an opportunity to see over the crowd.

He was shocked to see his girlfriend, Y/n on top of another female, punching her as the girl below her was screaming and crying. One of Y/n’s hands was gripping the girls hair to keep her head down and her other hand was in a fist as she laid blow after blow to her face. Her nose was bleeding and bruises started to form on her face.

The female under Y/n was kicking and squirming, trying to get out from under her but couldn’t from Y/n’s body weight being forcefully pushed on her to keep her down.

Students surrounding them were recording and yelling as others just watched in horror.

“You wanna talk shit about my man!? You’re shady and pathetic, say it out loud to me instead of going behind his back.”

Y/n’s voice spat coldly in her face as the girl looked terrified while tears were running down her cheeks.

He was shocked seeing the scene, he never expected Y/n to be the jealous type let alone fight someone who talked bad about him. Miles didn’t and couldn’t care less about people who talked bad about him. Cause he knows that he can easily beat them with no issue.

So seeing Y/n get jealous and protective because another female talked bad about him behind his back, almost made him feel proud, thinking about how he knew that Y/n is really the one for him.

After a while, the principal came and broke up the fight then took the girl and Y/n to his office. Teachers who were there, escorted and told the students to get back to their classes. Everyone went to their classes and as Miles was in his seat, he was wondering what the girl said that made Y/n so mad.

While he was thinking, he smirked to himself, knowing that his girl, his only, did that to another female for him. Pride filled his chest knowing that any other girl wouldn’t have done it. He was proud to call Y/n his and his only.

The school day ended, and Y/n was walking out of school but then was stopped by Miles.

“Ay Mami, what happened back there earlier?” His hand placed on her shoulder as he turned her body around to face him.

“Some girl talked shit about you, and I couldn’t let that slide.” She huffed out pissed off and crossed her arms. He only smirked down at her before letting out a small chuckle.

“Who would have known that Mami would be jealous and protective of me.” His voice teased her with a smirk on his face. She looked at him before rolling her eyes.

“I wasn’t jealous…I was only doing what I had to do.” She glanced at him which only made him laugh as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her body closer to his before he started to walk.

“Plus, why would I be jealous of a white girl? One thing that I do question is why would that little white girl talk shit knowing that we don’t play around when it comes to confrontation?”

Her voice spoke as she scoffed with a small laugh.

“You know…I would kill any guy who even dares to breath in your direction..~”

He bent down to her ear to whisper in her ear. His voice was low and deep as it sent shivers down her spine, causing her skin to grow goosebumps.

“You don’t mean that though, right?” Looking at him with a raised brow as he just smirked and stayed silent.

“Don’t play with me right now…you don’t mean it right?!” Her voice slightly raised, giving him an almost flabbergasted expression.

“I don’t know Mamas..do you think I’m playing?”

The tone of his voice was low and deeper than before. It was almost concerning, she knew how possessive he could get. But the way his voice got deeper, it sounded dark.

She stayed silent, his hand reaching over to her chin as he lifted her head to look at him. He had his usual cold expression but this time it was even..colder?..

His eyes were completely lifeless. No sign of shine or life in them which made her a little nervous when he stared down at her.

“I asked you a question Mamas, and I expect an answer..”

The sound of his tone was like he was a robot. It didn’t sound human, no hit of emotion behind it. She thickly swallowed before answering.

“No, I don’t think you’re playing..”

She said and he smiled, giving her a soft kiss on her forehead.

“See? It isn’t that hard now was it?”

His arm wrapped around her waist again as she walked with her close to his side. He didn’t let her answer his question before speaking.

“Now let’s go out. I gotta reward my girl for doing something, right?”

Requests are still opened btw!<3

2023-2024©𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐚4𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧-- 𝐃𝗼 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥, 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝗺 𝗼𝐫 𝐜𝗼𝐩𝐲 𝗺𝐲 𝐰𝗼𝐫𝐤-- 𝐜𝗼𝗺𝗺𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝗼𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝗼𝗺𝐞𝐝!!

#yandere #spider man across the spider verse #yandere spiderman #yandere headcanons #yandere miles morales #atsv prowler #yandere prowler miles morales #miles morales x you #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x black!reader #miles morales x Hispanic reader #miles morales x poc! reader #yandere fantasy #spider man atsv #across the spiderverse #yandere spiderverse #spider man miles morales

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deathofpeaceofmiiind · 4 months ago

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illicit affairs | twenty five

“You look beautiful.”

Noah walked up behind me as I looked myself over in the mirror for the hundredth time. I gave my hair a blow out and even brought out my bright red lipstick for the first time in months. Since we were just going to be home I didn’t bother dressing up but I still wanted to look cute so I wore a black tube top with a pair of Levi 501’s. I turned around and looked up into Noah’s midnight eyes, completely losing my breath. He wore a pair of black shorts with a black button up short sleeved shirt, leaving a few buttons undone. My eyes were focused on his exposed chest tattoos…I don’t think I’ll get over how gorgeous he really was.

“Thank you.” I replied, gently wrapping my hand behind his neck to motion him to kiss me. His lips met mine softly. We broke apart quickly because we knew if we didn’t, we wouldn’t stop. I suddenly wished we were home alone.

“Wait before we go…” Noah moved my hair from my neck and sprayed his cologne on my skin, catching me off guard. The smell was so damn intoxicating, I wasn’t sure how he expected me to keep my composure all night knowing I smelt like him.

“What was that for?” I questioned as I looked at him through the mirror, knowing he had some back handed comment ready.

“Just want everyone to smell me on you.” He replied, putting his cologne back down on the dresser. He kept his eyes on me the entire time, causing my stomach to fill with butterflies.

“You mean Matt?”

He smirked, almost proud of himself, “does that bother you?”

I pouted as I began to play with the buttons on his shirt, “no it turns me on and we have a party to throw.”

“Well…” he whispered as he ran his hand up my neck, “you give me the signal and we’ll sneak off, okay?” I just nodded as we headed downstairs, intertwining my hand with Noah’s. Everyone was in the kitchen or out by the grill talking and having a good time when we came down. Jesse and Folio insisted on working the grill for dinner so I let them have it, the less I had to do tonight the better. Davis made some sides for us as well and everything smelt so damn delicious. I caught myself staring at my surroundings, feeling extremely thankful to know these group of boys.

“Wow Ellie you look good.” Jesse commented, I could tell he was already a few drinks in so I let it go.

“Thanks bud.”

My eyes wondered around and caught Matt’s instantaneously. I tried to look in another direction, but my eyes kept going back to him as if he had some magnetic force over me.

“Bro, I’m right here.” Noah commented as he brought me my first white claw of the night. Jesse gave him the finger before turning his attention back to the grill with Folio.

“Ellie…” Jolly whispered, leaning down towards my ear, “you look really pretty.”

“Thank you, Jolly.” I smirked as he kissed the top of my head and ran away from Noah.

“Jolly!” I looked up at Noah and he was about 50 shades of pink from embarrassment. “Sorry that I’m friends with a bunch of teenagers.”

“I’m used to it.” I replied before taking a sip of my drink, “besides I’m yours.” “Mine?” “Always.”

Dinner was a complete success and I was actually quite impressed with how well the boys could cook. Everyone was really enjoying themselves, which was what I envisioned when we first looked at this place. I always dreamt of having the home everyone could come to for bbq’s, birthdays and holidays, and now I had it. I was so distracted that I forgot Matt was even at the table. He sat far away from me but I caught him hiding back a smirk any time someone made me laugh…I knew his guard he had up was fake.

The boys shared so many tour stories with me, making me laugh until my sides hurt. I think they were trying to compete to see who could make me laugh the most, Jesse was definitely winning by a long shot.

“Fuck, I can’t breathe.” I said as another laugh left me, I grabbed a napkin from the table to wipe my eyes. Folio just told me a joke everyone expected me to get offended at but it did the polar opposite.

“I was expecting that joke to go south.” Folio commented, almost looking at me surprised I took his joke well. “Ellie, I swear you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met.” “Guys, you’re talking to a girl who’s comfort show is Family Guy.” Noah chimed in. “You got yourself a winner, Noah.” I felt Noah’s hand run up the back of my neck, giving it a small squeeze. His eyes locked in on me, causing me to flush pink, “I know.” The rest of the night was such a blur, but it was so much fun. We ended up staying at the table and just talking for a few more hours, sharing more laughs and just enjoying each others company.

Noah never stopped touching me the entire time, his hand was either wrapped around my leg or my hand. We kept stealing glances too, which was stirring something up inside of me. Even in a crowded room, he still made me feel like I was the only one there with him.

“I’m gonna go show the guys the recording space, are you okay here?” “Yes.” I breathed, I was a few drinks in at this point and was quite happy where I was sitting. “I’ll come find you if I need you.” Noah kissed my forehead gently as he got up, “I love you.”

I blushed a little, watching him walk away from me. As he walked over to the boys, he turned and flashed me his million dollar smile again. I blew him a kiss he pretended to catch and put in his back pocket before he walked into his future studio space. I felt like my heart was going to burst with how much I loved him.

“Just checking in, you good?” I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed Davis sat down beside me, “Yeah, everything’s good.” “Good.” He beamed, “do you want a drink?” “I’ll go get it, I haven’t stood up in hours. Thank you though.”

Davis just nods at me as I get up, feeling my head grow more fuzzy. One of the worst things about drinking is you don’t realize how drunk you are until you stand up. I went into the kitchen, my body stumbling into every corner as I went to grab another drink that I didn’t need. I fished through the thousand beers that were on the shelf before finding my last strawberry white claw. There was a shadow behind me as I closed the door and it caused me to almost jump out of my skin. Once my vision decided to focus, I realized the shadow was Matt leaning against the wall. I felt my body instantly sober up the second our eyes locked.

“Why haven’t you talked to me all day?” I asked, my voice trembling the longer he kept his eyes on me. “I just don’t have anything to say to you.” “No, you’d rather just scare me in my own kitchen. Twice.” I scoffed, getting ready to leave when he grabbed my arm and stopped me. “I would’ve never left you if it was my choice.” He muttered, looking down at his grip he had on me. “I left because I thought that’s what you wanted.” “But you did leave…” He let go of my arm and sighed deeply, “I know, that was stupid of me.” “I hope you know I am sorry I ruined our friendship.” I paused as I felt tears welling up in my eyes, “you didn’t deserve that but I deserved a better goodbye.” Matt finally looked over at me, his own eyes were glistening with tears which caught me off guard, “I deserved to be happy with you.”

Ouch.

#fanfic #bad omens #noah sebastian

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riverstixxelf · 9 months ago

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I love the SPN fandom but honestly it’s so stressful sometimes 😭

For example earlier today I googled “Misha Collins girlfriend” because I heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend, I couldn’t find much besides stuff talking about Vicky so I scrolled down and saw a tumblr post saying something about Misha being attracted to men (which I don’t necessarily disagree with, but I don’t want to tell another person what they are) and women so I clicked on it and it was a huge post (like, a couple paragraphs) talking about some strange things. I don’t remember exactly but at one point the user brought up the “fact” that Misha makes jokes about women and sex?? As in making jokes at the expense of women… and I was like… are we talking about the same Misha here? He DOES make jokes about sex but I don’t recall him ever making jokes at the expense of women. Only thing I can think of is that one story about one of his earlier acting jobs and he didn’t know the “no tongue rule” but that was mostly at the expense of himself. Then I scrolled and found another post that was pretty disturbing…

Someone had screenshotted a regular instagram caption that Jensen posted just talking about how he just got done traveling, he wanted to take a nap, something like that—nothing sexual about the post at all or anything that would suggest that—and someone captioned it with something talking about him and Misha rubbing their [babymakers] together??? I audibly laughed out loud because wtf 😭😭

I don’t want to shame Jenmish shippers (I say Jenmish because Cockles is just a… very interesting name), even though I think it’s the slightest bit strange to be shipping real people… but again I never want to put anyone down for anything because I myself have said some stuff about Jensen and Misha that might suggest something between them.

Another thing is just the amount of hate for various cast members. Mostly the hate I see is for Jared and Misha; J2 fans who hate Misha, Jenmish fans who hate Jared, etc. There’s a lot of love in this fandom but ohmygOD there’s so much hate too. I guess that’s true for any fandom, but it’s so tiring sometimes.

Also, in this fandom, you’ll get hounded for any opinion you have. If you don’t like destiel, you’re homophobic. If you do like destiel, you’re also homophobic for some reason because queer bating or whatever… for the record i’d like to state that I am a proud destiel shipper just fyi. But I see so many people take it to the extreme, make little things into big things or something along those lines. Same thing with cockles shippers I was talking about earlier. I feel like I have a pretty neutral viewpoint on stuff regarding destiel; I see most things how they are, and I make my assumptions based on CANON things. I don’t say “Dean and Cas are definitely fucking”, I say “Dean and Cas love eachother but they cant express it, because Cas wasn’t even sure what love was and Dean’s highest ideal of love is family, which is why he says Cas is like a brother to him”. Now, if you don’t agree with me, guess what… that’s okay! If you don’t think destiel exists, that’s a valid point, and i’m not gonna dox you just because you have a different opinion than me. Because that’s just it, it’s an OPINION.

I could get into Sam haters and Dean haters and stuff… but I’m tired. Actually, you know what, screw it. I WILL GET INTO IT!!!

I’ve had a few experiences with Dean haters especially, and most of the time they just ADORE Sam and thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Let me clarify that I don’t hate Sam- like- at all. Then again, Dean haters who happen to be Sam stans have warped my view on Sam a little, but I won’t let that get in my way of honest judgment.

Sam. has. done. bad. stuff. DEAN. has. done. bad. stuff. Please don’t compare their trauma, they both have their own issues, one isn’t better than the other.

I might be biased because I relate to Dean so much (like a crazy amount it’s not even funny…), but for the millionth time in a row I DO NOT HATE SAM. I saw someone saying how Dean was the cause of almost every single world-ending event that happened in SPN… like honey no. Another person replied to their comment listing all of the world-ending events… and guess what… Sam was the cause of most of them!! Does that make him a hate-worthy character? No!!

I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here. I just think there’s so much in-fighting within the SPN fandom and as much as I love being in the fandom sometimes you just gotta have a break from all the drama. If you made it this far… go outside or something don’t pay attention to me i’m chronically online.

#supernatural #destiel #jenmish #deancas #spn #discussion #idk how to tag this

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celestiall0tus · 3 months ago

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Tales of Bloody Bug and Chat Noir - Chapter 65 - Never the Same

Beginning || Previous || Next

Adrien sat in the meeting room of their realm. He flipped through the pages of the grimoire of information he’s read before. He glanced up at Plagg, who lay curled up in the center of the table. A random flare of frustration tore through him seeing Plagg relaxed and sleeping. He fought to return his attention to the grimoire, but he stared at the pages blankly.

Adrien let out a frustrated sigh as he pushed the book away. He put his head down on the table and covered it with his arms. Plagg meowed, but Adrien ignored it. He preferred to fester on the frustration that could tear him apart. He just wanted to scream out in annoyance and claw at his own skin just to relieve a hint of the frustration that had been plaguing him for weeks.

“Well, well, didn’t expect to find you here,” Alix remarked.

Adrien gasped and sat up as Alix sat beside him. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, let’s see. You weren’t home, with no text or note to where you were, so I came to see if you were here.”

“S-sorry. I guess, I don’t know. I guess I didn’t.”

“Are you ok? I know things have been a little weird since Gabriel arrived.”

“I don’t even know what I am right now. I feel ok, but I also don’t. You know?”

“Do you want to talk?”

“I… I suppose I do. I just… I can’t make any sense of what’s going on anymore. On top of all that, I feel like I’m losing control of so much, including myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s start with the fact that Mayura, Nathalie, whatever, was telling the truth all this time. Everything she said about Gabriel and herself to the both of us was true. Which means Gabriel has always been bastard. That’s not even getting into his justification of becoming Hawkmoth, letting me be assaulted, and everything after that.”

“That’s… yeah, that one stings.”

“And! And don’t forget how he did this all because of my mom, to bring her back so she could raise me instead of himself. I give him that he was never the most present in my life, but he was still there. He was still my father, and I needed him, but he wasn’t there. I hate to say it, but Nathalie and my old bodyguard were more parents before Alim came along. And I can’t speak for my bodyguard, but I know now that Nathalie was just manipulating me because of who I was and what I could be used for.”

“Add to the fact that we had found Emilie’s corpse in Mayura’s little nest, likely with a score to settle with her too.”

“That was… that was unpleasant. I would like to know what exactly Mayura had planned, but I think it best not to know. It was probably twisted and horrid at a guess.”

“Most likely, but is that all that’s bothering you?”

Adrien sighed. “There’s also Gabriel in general. I know he’s trying to be, I don’t, present? He certainly gets overshadowed by Alim, and Alim isn’t even trying. He’s just being, well, his usual self, and I can tell Gabriel is jealous with the constant attempts to one up Alim. Again, I know he’s trying, but it’s extremely annoying.”

“Then talk to Gabriel. Tell him how you feel.”

“Please. That’s never worked out in the past. Why would now be any different?”

“See if he really is committed to change. He should at least hear you out and be willing to listen. If not, then you have Dad.”

“Yeah, I suppose. But that’s all small in comparison to Felix’s constant attempts to win back Kagami. Especially when those attempts border on, no wait, his attempts are stalking. I just… I know Felix isn’t an idiot. He’s brilliant, but why is he resorting to this? Doesn’t he know better?”

Alix snorted. “Please. That fool is too proud and sure of himself. Likely gets that from his father. No way in hell he gets that from Amelie.”

“I… I wouldn’t be surprised. As long as I could remember, Colt was the one that raised Felix, much to Aunt Amelie’s dismay. There would be moments I’d see her with Felix, but mostly I saw Felix with Colt. Even back then he felt… cold. Very cold. My mom even made a point to keep me away from Colt whenever possible.”

Alix grimaced. “Well, maybe you should help him then. As much as I’d hate to lose this bet, if it bothers you, help him. You managed to pull Sabrina, and Kagami may be a whole different beast, but I’m sure you could help him. Better than I could at least.”

“Maybe, but I don’t know. It feels a little weird since she was originally engaged to me. Not to mention that Felix won her heart just fine before by being himself. Now I just… I don’t know. It really just irks me. Plus, how he tries to drag you along. It’s not fair to you.”

Alix shrugged. “Eh, it’s amusing when he gets shot down every time. Though I do wonder, is it the fact Felix is trying to win Kagami’s heart, or the fact that you’re still hung up on Sabrina? Not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s only been, what, just about two months since that whole thing? I would normally expect you to still be grieving, however these aren’t normal circumstances. Given what Plagg did, I’m a little worried for you. You know, worried you’ll be like Luka after I turned him down, and Mayura stole his grief away.”

“That’s another problem I’m dealing with. I… I know I miss Sabrina. I know that I loved her, despite what Plagg did. My memories tell me that, even if I don’t feel that way and the pain is gone. But I still feel… angry? Maybe not angry, but upset and annoyed. I want her to still be here. I didn’t want her risking her life. I know we’re heroes, and it comes with the territory, but why did it have to be her? We had so many plans, things we wanted to do, and now they’re all just up in smoke. Worst of all, I had just been released from those horrid memories of Volpina and Heart’s Design. I was finally able to kiss her. I was going to be able to love her as she deserved, but now I can’t, and I’m frustrated over that.”

Alix raised a brow. “Frustrated how?”

“I… it’s just little moments where my mind randomly wanders to Sabrina. Yes, I think about how she’s gone, all the missed opportunities, but I think about being close to her, kissing her, and sometimes more. And then the reminders that she’s gone sinks and that frustration just feels so much worse, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. One moment I’m fine, then something reminds me, or I just randomly think about it, and boom! I get hit with that brand of nagging frustration.

Alix smirked and snorted before she burst out laughing. “Oh, sweet summer child. Well, no, that’s not entirely fair. You were assaulted, so I can’t fault you for not thinking like that before.”

“I don’t understand. What are you getting on about now?”

“Adrien, you might be expressing a little sexual frustration.”

Adrien’s face flushed red. “W-what? No! I mean… how? I’ve never… I never considered… we didn’t… I was… I don’t understand.”

“Look, I just know Dad told me some years ago that it is a natural response to unfulfilled desires. Said desires that we’re going to feel as we become adults and our bodies change. I never really had trouble myself and thought Dad was full of shit, but I also didn’t really have anyone I wanted because I never considered anyone until Rose. It wasn’t until Rose that I started to feel those surface and struggled with them as I didn’t want to push. Yes, Rose and I were together, but we’re not necessarily in love. Not the way she was in love with Juleka or you were with Sabrina. I’m just… the little more than a friend, but not the partner, partner.”

“What did you do with those feelings then?”

“I tried to distract myself from them for a small time until I caved and talked to her about them. I was scared, worried I was pushing a touch too far. I’m lucky that it’s Rose, the ever-understanding Rose. She listened to me, and we took things further and further each time until we, well, we fucked, alright? And I know your situation is different since you had that trauma, and then you were free of it only to lose your girl. Especially since you lost Sabrina. I also wager that’s contributing to the frustrations you’re feeling towards Felix’s pursuits of Kagami given how he likes to talk like he’s not a sad, pathetic little virgin.”

“What should I do then? Felix isn’t going to stop any time soon, nor do the random thoughts, and I don’t like having them. There’s also the added frustration of Gabriel and trying to start over again and be a family. He’s trying, I’m trying, but I still see the bastard he was that caused all this. There’s just so much of everything, and I don’t know how to deal with any of it.”

“Story of my life. What have you been doing to cope anyway?”

“Well, I thought maybe I could try and find a way to help the kwamis. I still want to set them free so they can all be like Tikki, Plagg, and Fluff. I’ve read what feels like everything in this grimoire but can’t find a way to fix them. At least, I don’t see a way to like what Mayura did to Tikki, Plagg, and Fluff. And, well, it’s been adding to the frustration. Again, I just feel like I’m losing all control of everything. What I can do, how I feel, what I know, everything.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Tikki’s voice echoed.

Adrien raised a brow as a woman with brown skin, black voluminous hair tied back into pigtails, purple eyes, and dressed in a red dress, black gloves and stockings, and red shoes appeared. He jumped back as she smiled.

“What the hell?” Adrien exclaimed.

“Oh, right. Plagg likes to stay as a cat, doesn’t he? Well, surprise, they can take human forms,” Alix commented.

“What? Since when?” Adrien asked.

“Oh, very recently. See, we’ve slowly been regaining all our abilities since being factory reset. Not only can we use our powers again without consequence, shapeshift into more and more impressive beings, but we’re also regaining access to the powers and things we lost being chained and shackled. Though I’m sure you were aware of some of that thanks to Plagg,” Tikki explained.

“This is… unbelievable. You were all able to do these things and they were taken away from you?”

“Unfortunately, but that’s what happens with you mortals. You fear what you don’t understand. Even with Eve’s best efforts to ensure that the other humans understood, they never did. Hence why they betrayed her and stole us all, just to shackle and bend us to their whims. Now we’re free again! Well, some of us.”

“But you can help change that, right?”

“Oh! Yes! Let me see the grimoire.”

Adrien handed Tikki the grimoire. Light washed over it in waves before they died away. She smiled and handed it back to him.

“There you go. You’ll find new information has been recorded. Just focus on ‘factory reset,’ and you’ll find what you’re looking for.”

Adrien’s eyes widened as he opened the grimoire. He focused on factory reset like Tikki instructed. The pages filled with images of the miraculous jewels with points highlighted on each of them.

“Maybe I should explain. I remember the points that Mayura hit my earrings with and recorded them. The grimoire has knowledge of every other jewel and has applied that knowledge to all of their jewels. Pretty neat, huh?” Tikki remarked.

“This is incredible. So, with this, we can reset the rest of the kwamis? We can liberate them?” Adrien asked.

“Sure enough. They will take time to get back to full power. It’s feeling like two months as per your mortals concept of time. Maybe more. It all really depends on how much the Order messed with the jewels and just how much resetting needs to be done. Oh! And you’ll need these.”

Tikki snapped her fingers and created a rolled-up toolkit. Adrien unrolled it to find a variety of tools he vaguely remembered being in Eve’s possession. One tool stuck out as he recognized it as the one Mayura had used on the jewels.

“Made a set of these long ago for Eve when she set out to make more anchors for more kwamis. Not only will you be able to reset the kwamis, you’ll be able to craft new jewels. Providing you have the materials, but I can help with that easy enough,” Tikki explained.

“This is amazing! We need to get started then. We should call all the heroes. We need to-!” Adrien started.

“Hold up. Maybe before we announce this to everyone, practice first. We have a handful of jewels without holders. Maybe, in freeing them, they can choose their holders in our place. Let it be the second act we return to them that was stolen. And it gives you something to better distract you from your frustrations. And give you something you can somewhat control.” Alix cut in.

“I… you have a point. Alright. Let’s start with the ones we have.”

Alix nodded as she left. Adrien carefully studied the points of the jewels when Alix returned with the bee, turtle, fox, and the monkey miraculous. Alix laid them out on the table as Adrien slipped off the pig miraculous. He held it up as he turned to the page with the pig. He studied the points before he grabbed the tool Mayura had used. He took a deep breath, held up the tool, and hit the points on the anklet.

Adrien held his breath as he waited when the anklet flashed. His eyes widened as Daizzi materialized, her body glitching before it stabilized. She groaned and fell, about to hit the table when he caught her.

“Woah! That was strange. What happened?” Daizzi asked.

Tikki peered over Adrien’s shoulder. “How do you feel, Daizzi?”

“I… I don’t know. Something feels different, I guess,” Daizzi answered.

Adrien grimaced. “Does that mean it didn’t work? Did I mess up? It wasn’t instant like with Mayura. I had to have messed up.”

“Maybe. Hard to say. No one has done this except for Mayura. She likely had a lot of practice with Duusu. And, unfortunately, I can only convey what I personally felt. It’s on you after that,” Tikki commented.

Adrien pursed his lips, then let out a frustrated groan and slammed his head on the table.

“Ok, easy, Adrien. Why don’t we put this down and go do literally anything else?” Alix suggested.

“Yeah? Like what?” Adrien countered.

Alix opened her mouth when Kim’s voice cut her off.

“There she is. Our fearless leader!”

Alix and Adrien looked up as Kim joined them.

“What are you doing here?” Alix demanded.

“You weren’t answering any of the texts I had been sending you, so I-,” Kim started.

“I was ignoring you for a reason. I should have realized you were too stupid to realize that,” Alix hissed.

“Details, details. Anyway, I came to ask you out on a date tomorrow.”

“No.”

“Now, now, hear me out. I’ll be taking you to the pool. Friend of mine, another hot redhead like you that’s into me, offered to get a free pass to the pool if I hang out with her. So, I figured, why don’t we make it a date?”

Adrien’s face twisted in disgust while Alix deadpanned. She rolled her eyes as she hummed.

“Fine,” Alix said.

“Fuck yeah! See you tomorrow around noon, hot stuff,” Kim cheered.

Alix rolled her eyes as Kim left. Adrien waited until he heard the door close before he erupted.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Did you not just hear the same shit I did? How could you justify giving him the-?”

Alix held up a finger as she sent a text. Adrien raised a brow, ready to question her again, when his phone buzzed. He looked down at it to see a message from Chloe sent out in mass to everyone save Kim. Chloe demanded to know everyone’s swimsuit sizes for a pool visit tomorrow at noon.

“What-? What is this? What is going on?” Adrien asked.

“On my search for you, I swung by Le Grand Paris thinking you were with Chloe. While you weren’t, I did get to see that the first wave of product for the fashion shit for heroes day had arrived with the swimsuit collection. Audrey, being the businesswoman she is and Chloe learning all too well from her and the late Andre, struck a deal with me as Bug. They are to get pictures of us modeling the swimwear for Audrey’s magazine. And by us, I mean you and I.”

“Why just us?”

“Because we’re the heroes that have been here since the beginning. We were the heroes that saved who we could, which is more than we give ourselves credit for. We’re beacons, Adrien. People are looking to us for that hope to keep moving forward.”

Adrien pursed his lips. “I… I guess I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. So, you made the deal for tomorrow?”

“Not exactly. I told them I’d let them know a day that’d work for me, and I just told Chloe that I could do tomorrow if we make it a group event, plus some. Still eager to please Audrey, or whatever reason, Chloe is pulling strings. So, be ready for a pool day tomorrow.”

“I suppose it won’t be so bad, but what did you mean about plus some? Who else are you inviting?”

“Well, there’s Nino, obviously Kim’s friend is going to be there, and I’m inviting Marinette.”

“Wh-what? Why? Absolutely not!” Adrien roared.

“Adrien, I understand you have bad history, and I’m not asking you to socialize with her, but Alya wanted to give Marinette one more chance. She wanted Marinette to have the turtle where Nino refused it. I told Alya to give me her final word on Marinette’s progress, but with Alya gone, I don’t know. I feel I wouldn’t be doing right by her if I didn’t honor her wishes.”

“That’s noble and all, but I’m not working with Marinette. Not after everything she’s done.”

“Then don’t. I will handle Marinette myself. You won’t have to worry about her. Besides, if she’s chosen by the kwamis of their own volition, are you really going to tell them no and that they’re wrong to choose a holder?”

“I… that’s not fair. I-!”

“You want what’s best, but it may mean dealing with those who have hurt you. Think of the heroes that find our just who Bloody Bug is.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Not even for Chloe finding out her hero is the same girl that almost killed her?”

Adrien opened his mouth, then shut it. “Fine. You handle Marinette, but she’s to stay away from me.”

“Will do. And thank you.”

“Not like I had a choice.”

Alix snorted. “There’s always a choice, Adrien. We’re just sometimes not left with many options when the few led to shit. Just like you staying here stewing in your frustrations.”

“Well, I don’t have much else to do. Besides, I’d rather this than facing all them back home.”

“Well, unfortunately, you’re not staying here.”

“Make me leave.”

“Ok. Tikki! Let’s drag his sorry ass to Chloe.”

“What?”

Tikki grinned and scooped Adrien up as she held him over her head.

“Woah! H-hey, let me down!”

“Nope, nope, nope! We’re going to see the blonde bitch and get one of those cute swimsuits. Oh, and one for you too, I guess,” Tikki remarked.

Adrien yelped as Tikki ran off with him. He turned back as Plagg jumped onto Alix’s shoulders before Alix ran to catch up. Frustration tore through him again, but he resigned himself to his fate and was dragged away.

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#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous au #au #alternate universe #fanfiction writer #fanfiction #fanfic #bloody bug au #adrien agreste #tikki #plagg #alix kubdel #le chien kim

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stardustluvs · 1 year ago

Text

Let Me Make It Up To You - Nolan X Karl

MDNI

Word Count: 3.8k

Pairing: Nolan Hansen x Karl Jacobs (established)

Summary: After a particularly difficult MrBeast challenge, which Nolan wins, Karl gets upset due to already having a bad day on top of losing. They talk about it, and Nolan apologizes for the shitty day in the form of sex.

Warnings: NSFW, Hurt/Comfort(?)

Author's Note: I’m super proud of this fic, I think it might be some of my best work in a while! I got this idea from a random prompt generator online, and also because I need Karlan content, even if that means writing it myself.

Requests are open! || masterlist

“Damnit!” Karl groaned, picking his, now cracked, phone off the ground. He accidentally dropped it while walking out of his house and now it’s practically shattered.

Well, shattered, seemed like a bit overdramatic, but it was definitely cracked nonetheless.

He had already woken up in such a bad mood and now he’s lucky if his phone still worked normally. He had woken up from some stupid nightmare, hardly able to catch his breath. On top of the nightmare, he had barely been able to sleep in the first place.

He would much rather stay home today and allow himself to cool down, but unfortunately for him, that wasn’t a possibility. He had agreed to partake in an upcoming challenge video, and he’d feel bad having to cancel on Jimmy not even an hour before filming starts.

He sighed as he got in his car, using the bit of silence before starting it to think to himself. He would be surprised if his car wouldn’t give him any problems too. He’d been meaning to get a new car or get his fixed, he’s just never really had the time, constantly busy with content creation.

Besides having a horrible start to his day, he was excited for the video. He wasn’t sure what the prize for this video would be, but he knew it was a challenge in which whoever kept their hand on the prize longest, they won. They were always fun, and he loved seeing his friends, especially since that meant Nolan would be there too.

The pair had been going out unbeknownst to the rest of their friends for just under four months now. They made it official after the two decided to have a spontaneous sleepover just for the hell of it. As that night went on, they got to talking and realized there seemed to be more between them than they had been acknowledging.

It’s not as though they didn’t want to tell everyone, it was just somewhat comforting to have something between only the two of them. Karl was sure they would get to that point eventually, but keeping everything on the down-low just sounded like a better situation for right now anyway.

He finally started his car to begin the drive to meet his friends. Well. He tried to anyway. Of course today is the day for his car to die on him.

“Oh, come on!” He sighed. He put his head down against the steering wheel. He honestly felt like just saying fuck it and going back inside.

He got out of his car and shut the door. It took everything inside of him to not slam the door. He pulled his now cracked phone out of his back pocket and opened his contacts. The cracks on the screen made it somewhat hard to see who exactly he was looking for, and it was extremely frustrating.

After pressing the call button on one of his contacts, he held his phone to his ear, praying for an answer.

“Hello?” A voice came through the other end of the phone.

“Nolan, hey, can you come pick me up?” Karl asked, relief practically rang through his voice as he spoke.

“Yeah, are you…okay?” Nolan asked, sounding concerned at why Karl was all panicky sounding.

“Um, yeah, but please, I’ll just explain when I see you,” Karl sighed.

There was a pause before Nolan spoke again, “Okay…um, yeah, I’ll be there in a few.”

Karl thanked him softly before ending the phone call and sitting down on the curb, staring at the ground. He traced circles into the sidewalk while he waited.

This day seriously could not get worse.

Thankfully, it was only a few more minutes til Nolan got there, leaning over and opening the passenger side door from the drivers seat.

Karl got in, not really even saying a word at first. Instead he waited for Nolan to speak first, which he did soon after he started driving again.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked, offering his hand to Karl, who took it after a moment.

“It’s been such a bad day, Nolan, I just…I woke up from a nightmare this morning, felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I hardly slept either! Oh, and then,” Karl started, pulling his phone from his pocket using his free hand to show Nolan the cracked screen, “I dropped my phone, and then my car died!”

Karl’s voice practically broke when he finished speaking, causing Nolan to squeeze his hand softly in comfort.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, we’re gonna go do this video, have fun, and it’ll take your mind off of everything,” Nolan reassured him.

Karl appreciated the sentiment. Every time he was around Nolan his day seemed to just get better. Even though he was having such a horrible day, it was okay now, right?

Nolan pulled into a parking space near everyone else’s cars, seems as though they were the last to get to their filming location.

“You gonna be okay today?” Nolan asked as he shut his car off without worry that it wouldn’t start up again. Something Karl was jealous of right about now.

Karl had to snap himself out of his thoughts and jealousy before he nodded in response.

Nolan smiled before leaning over and kissing Karl’s cheek.

“C’mon, we should go,” Nolan said, unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car, except he made it a point to hurry over to the other side of the car to get Karl’s door for him.

It was such a small gesture but it was something Karl appreciated greatly, especially after the shit day he had been having.

“Thank you,” Karl said, stepping out of the car. He wanted to take Nolan’s hand again but he could see their friends from here, and he didn’t want to raise any questions.

“Why’re you two so late?” Chandler asked, once they had joined the group.

“Long story,” Karl answered, rolling his eyes as he remembered the hell-sent morning he had.

It was then when Karl saw what this video was all about. There was a beautiful, brand new car.

“Is this what we’re competing for?” He asked, admiring the car.

“Yep, this video’s gonna work the same as all the other ‘last to move your hand’ challenges,” Jimmy answered, quickly explaining it to Karl and Nolan since they hadn’t been there for the initial explanation.

After everyone had been set up and ready to go, cameras were on and they were filming. Karl had taken a spot sort of close to Nolan, wanting the company and closeness of his boyfriend, even if nobody else knew that.

Just like that, the challenge began. Karl shifted a little so he could sort of lean against Nolan, making sure his right hand didn’t move from the car whatsoever. Nolan didn’t mind, as it wasn’t particularly odd for the two of them to be sort of clingy in front of cameras anyway, nobody would suspect a thing.

It felt like hours went by, even though it’s only been a half hour at the most. It was getting to be extremely boring, not being able to move his hand. His arm had started falling asleep, and he was pretty sure if he allowed himself to, he could’ve easily started to go to sleep somehow.

He was sitting on the ground, his right hand planted against the front tire. Nolan was next to him, his hand against one of the car doors as Karl leaned back against him.

And he probably would’ve fallen asleep, if it weren’t for Jimmy realizing everyone had gotten probably a tad too comfortable and making them stand up. Karl got up, though his body was tired from the lack of sleep, he was determined to win this car.

It felt like another ten years went by, and Karl didn’t really feel like himself at all. His lack of sleep was definitely catching up to him, and he at first thought he might fall backwards when standing up, which would've been just his luck today. Thankfully, he didn't.

The first of their friends to get out was Kris, who unfortunately moved her hand when trying to get a drink, which just left Chandler, Nolan, and Karl, who was still so determined to get this car. It was a nice car, and it was much more expensive than what he had ever been willing to spend on a car, which just made it all the more desirable.

The next part of the video was of course another challenge set by Jimmy to make time pass a little quicker. Not only did they have to stand, but they had to walk and move around the car, keeping their hand on it at all times.

Lots of laughter and jokes were being made by his friends around him, but Karl was honestly just over today, his head continuously reminding him that he broke his phone today and that he now didn't have his own car.

"You sure you're okay?" Nolan asked him softly as they walked, not wanting to draw attention to the two of them.

"Yeah, nope, I'm good!" Karl said, a faux smile on his face as he forced himself to sound happy.

Luckily, Nolan didn't push further and the video continued, and Karl continued zoning off into his own world.

Chandler was out next after his hand moved ever so slightly from the vehicle, which he didn't really even notice at first.

This left just Nolan and Karl in the challenge together, and for some reason, Karl dreaded that happening.

He tried partaking in jokes and stuff about it, but mentally he was pleading for Nolan to just let him win, even though that wouldn't be fair- nor would it be very entertaining for youtube.

Jimmy intervened with yet another challenge, except this time, it was to determine who wins, in the most annoying way possible.

A coin flip.

"Karl, call it in the air," Jimmy told him as he flipped the coin up.

Karl didn't have time to think and there definitely wasn't a strategy behind winning a coin flip. This was it, win or lose.

"Heads," He said, unsure of his choice as Jimmy caught the coin and revealed it.

Tails.

He lost.

"Sorry, Karl," Jimmy apologized as he laughed and announced Nolan as the winner. Finally, the video ended. Normally Karl would've joked, he would've laughed and celebrated, but today? He was just upset. He tried hiding behind another fake smile, he wasn't sure how believable it was anymore.

Karl excused himself for a moment, needing to just go on a walk or something to clear his mind from this bad day.

He didn't get very far, because Nolan caught up to him soon after, "Where are you going?" He asked, starting to walk with him.

Karl shrugged, "Not sure."

"What's wrong? You've had a bad day, I know, but let me help, talk to me-"

"Nolan, please, I'm not a kid, I don't need babied," Karl defended.

"I'm not babying you, I care about you," Nolan said, stopping in his tracks.

Karl stopped and turned around to look at him, "I'm not in the mood for this, please," He asked. His voice started to just sound so over everything.

Nolan knew this wasn't just over losing a stupid video, it was over his phone, and his car, and everything else that had unfortunately happened all in one day. He felt bad.

"Can I at least give you a ride home?" Nolan asked softly.

"What? In your brand new car?" Karl retorted.

"Not if you don't want to take that car," He replied, "Please just let me give you a ride," He added.

"Fine," Karl gave in.

Karl didn't know why he was being so unreasonably mean right now, Nolan hadn't done anything wrong.

Nolan led the two of them back to his car and once again, opened Karl's door for him. He wouldn't admit it, but it made Karl smile a little at how unbothered Nolan seemed by the rudeness.

Both of them got in the car and started the drive back to Karl's house. It was quiet, which was abnormal for the two of them. They were almost always talking and laughing with each other, but now they sat in almost complete silence.

When Nolan pulled into Karl's driveway, he looked over at him, waiting for one of them to speak first.

"Do you want to come in?" Karl asked after a second.

"You don't wanna be alone?" Nolan asked, a little confused because Karl had seemed to push so hard to just be alone earlier.

"No, I changed my mind," He admitted softly.

Nolan smiled a little bit before shutting his car off, both of them leaving the vehicle and walking to the front door, entering the house.

He stopped Karl from walking very far by pulling him into a hug from behind.

"I'm sorry today hasn't been very good to you, let me make it up to you," Nolan said softly, apologizing for things that were completely out of his control, yet still wanting to make up for it.

"You don't have anything to make up for," Karl said, turning around in Nolan's arms to face him. They were still standing so close to each other, which was something they had both always enjoyed.

Nolan's hands made their way down to rest at Karl's waist.

"I want you to have at least some good to your day," He said, leaning down, almost burying his face in Karl's neck, pressing soft kisses to wherever his lips could reach.

"Nolan..." Karl sighed.

"C'mon, let's go up to your room, okay?" Nolan suggested, speaking softly against Karl's neck.

The feeling gave Karl a chill, and suddenly he was extremely okay with whatever Nolan had planned.

"Okay," He smiled softly, as Nolan pressed one more kiss against his neck.

He moved to make eye contact with Karl again, smiling a little back at him, "Yeah?" He asked wanting a confirmation.

Karl confirmed his answer by nodding softly, then leaned up a little, kissing Nolan gently. Nolan returned the kiss, continuing to hold Karl close to him.

It was those moments that it was nice knowing this was just between the two of them. It made it so much more special in Karl's opinion.

When Nolan pulled away, he took Karl's hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom, shutting the door behind both of them. He pulled Karl over to the bed and pushed him down, Karl laughing a little as he allowed himself to fall backwards onto the mattress.

"I like seeing you actually happy," Nolan said, taking his shirt off and discarding it to the floor somewhere before getting on the bed as well.

“You make me happy,” Karl replied, pulling Nolan down into another kiss.

Nolan kissed back, deepening it. One hand was against the mattress beside Karl, the other found it’s way to Karl’s waist again, slipping up under his shirt ever so slightly. He swiped his tongue across Karl’s lips.

Karl practically surrendered all power to Nolan, which is how it usually went, and it felt so perfect every single time.

The kiss became somewhat messy, Nolan finally pulling away to let both of them breathe for a second. Their bodies pressed close against each other, Karl’s arms around Nolan as their lips met again.

Nolan rocked his hips slightly against Karl, causing the other to whine at the friction.

“Nolan please,” Karl mumbled, bucking his hips up slightly to try to get more friction than what he had been teased with.

Nolan responded to this plea by sitting up and helping Karl remove his shirt. Karl worked to unbutton Nolan’s jeans, then undoing his own.

After the two were able to shuffle the rest of their clothes off, leaving both of them in their boxers, Nolan leaned down and kissed Karl’s neck again. He adored the little noises that would escape the other’s lips when he would gently nip at certain spots he seemed to have memorized.

Karl bucked up against Nolan again in an attempt to grind against him to gain some sort of relief.

Nolan let out a shaky breath at this movement, gliding his hand down Karl’s body and starting to palm him through the light fabric of his boxers.

“Shit- Nolan, God…” Karl said under his breath, unable to hold back the small smile that formed on his lips afterwards.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, this is about you, Karl,” Nolan said softly, slipping his fingers underneath the waistband of Karl’s boxers, dangerously close but not close enough to where Karl desperately wanted him to be.

“Touch me, please, Nol, need it so bad,” Karl begged, his voice sounded so broken yet Nolan had hardly done anything. He adored the amount of attention Nolan paid to him, now, and all the time.

“All you gotta do is say so,” Nolan reiterated, pushing Karl’s boxers down.

Karl swore under his breath at the relief he got from the movement.

His cock was painfully hard under Nolan’s touch as he felt him start to stroke the length at a mostly slow but absolutely perfect pace. Karl bit his lip to suppress any noises from escaping his throat.

He allowed his eyes to close as Nolan sped up ever so slightly, whining when his boyfriend would move his wrist in just the right way or when his thumb would graze over his tip, using the precum that had formed as lube. Karl gripped onto the pillow behind his head as he opened his eyes to look at Nolan. God why did he always know what to do?

“You don’t gotta hide your pretty noises from me, Karl,” Nolan praised, continuing to stroke Karl’s dick while he leaned down and pressed more kisses to his neck, chest, and anywhere else he could reach.

“Mm, Nolan, need you so bad…” Karl whimpered out.

It didn’t take much for Karl to become completely undone and submissive in bed, but God was it fun to be the reason. Nolan practically thrived knowing he was able to make Karl such a mess without hardly touching him.

Karl was a whining mess within the next few seconds, and Nolan could tell he was getting close, “Please, want you to fuck me so bad…” he groaned. Nolan could tell Karl was getting closer and closer to his release, so he slowed his previous movements down to a stop, moving his hand from Karl’s dick.

Karl looked like he could’ve cried right then and there at the loss of friction, though he knew he was in for something better.

Nolan pushed his boxers off, where they were then thrown to the floor to join the rest of their clothes. He reached over to Karl’s bedside table to grab the lube that he knew was there.

He repositioned Karl slightly, just to allow himself better access.

He squirted some lube out of the bottle and onto his fingers, using his hands to warm it up some.

“You’re still okay, right?” Nolan asked, wanting a final confirmation before going any further.

“Nolan, I am so okay right now,” Karl said, adding a small laugh towards the end of his sentence.

Nolan lined his index finger to Karl’s hole and pushed it in, slowly. He watched how Karl got used to the feeling, already letting out more soft noises.

He started to push his finger in and out, listening to Karl whine at even the smallest movements.

By the time Nolan introduced a second finger, Karl had been gripping onto the bedsheets, or anything he could hold onto, really. He felt so desperate with the way Nolan’s fingers just barely reached where he needed them to the most.

“Oh my God, need more, please, Nolan,” Karl whimpered again, “need you.”

Nolan pulled his fingers out of Karl once he felt as though the other was ready, squirting a little more lube onto his hand and spreading it onto his own cock, groaning a little at the sudden attention to his dick. He lined himself up with Karl’s hole and pushed into him slowly.

It was enough for Karl’s eyes to roll back some as Nolan began to move, grabbing onto Karl’s legs to help build a bit of a steady pace.

The only sound falling from Karl’s mouth was Nolan’s name.

He sounded so pretty.

Nolan fucked into him a little harder, causing Karl to get louder.

“Fuck, Nolan, can I touch myself?” He asked through an almost broken voice.

“You don’t gotta ask,” Nolan reminded him, wanting Karl to enjoy himself however he wanted to.

Karl’s hand moved to his dick and started to pump himself at the same pace Nolan had been fucking him at. He was getting so close to his climax, craving his release so badly.

Nolan was getting close too, his breathing hitching as he sped up his thrusts some more.

“Close, ‘m so close,” Karl panted.

When Nolan hit Karl’s prostate, time after time, Karl’s words became less and less coherent.

“Nolan, shit, I’m cumming- ah…” Karl whined as he finally let go, cum spilling out of his cock while Nolan fucked him through his orgasm, Nolan cumming inside soon after.

Once both of them had calmed down, Nolan pulled out and collapsed on the bed beside him.

“Shit, Karl,” Nolan said through heavy breaths, laughing a little.

Karl smiled softly, feeling too tired and fucked out to even wanna talk right now. He cuddled up against Nolan while Nolan grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and cleaned them up.

He threw a blanket over both of them and kissed Karl’s forehead.

“I love you,” Karl whispered a little. It was the first time either of them had ever said it romantically, and as much as it caught Nolan off guard, it made him smile.

“I love you too,” He replied, continuing to just hold Karl as they laid together.

“I’m glad you won that video today, sorry I got so upset,” Karl apologized, kind of embarrassed for how he’d acted.

“No don’t apologize. I was actually gonna give the car to you anyway…” Nolan admitted, causing Karl to look over at him.

“You were gonna give the car to me?” He asked, kind of surprised.

“Well I mean yeah. I know you need a new car and well…It’s yours if you still want it,” Nolan explained.

“You’re sure?” Karl asked, wanting confirmation.

“Karl just accept the stupid car,” Nolan laughed.

Karl smiled over at him, “Thank you.”

With that, their conversations slowed to a stop, and they both fell asleep together.

Not all bad days have to continue to be bad.

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child0feden · 2 months ago

Note

This is probably a silly question, but if you could meet any of the bm musicians in real life who would it be and why?

Also you seem so cool! Love your blog 🫶🏻

୨୧ there is no such thing as a silly question, honey! especially not here on my blog, you guys could ask me quite literally anything in the world and it would never be silly to me ^w^

and this is actually a great question! i love getting little questions like this… even if i feel that i’m kind of bad at explaining sometimes hehe! such a tough question too though, hopefully you don’t mind if i answer with a couple people…

i think one that i would’ve loved to meet would of course be pelle from morbid / mayhem! someone on here once told me they thought him and i seemed to have similar souls and it fucked me up, in the best way, for days! i don’t think i would be able to talk much to him if i did meet him though, i’m already a very shy person around everyone let alone people who i have so much admiration and respect for! i think i would just be kind of starstruck but thankfully i do not stare at people so i probably would not make him uncomfortable by eyeballing him lolol… i tend to keep my eyes down to the ground and only sometimes look up when spoken to! i keep to myself a lot of the time unless someone sparks conversation with me first and if they mention something i really enjoy, like a band or movie, then i tend to slowly come out of my shell and will ease into a passionate ramble about said thing to this unsuspecting person lolol! i usually only wear shirts that are related to bands or movies so maybe that would peak his interest a little, if it was a band or movie he also liked…

i suppose i can’t really go into major reasoning as to why i would like to meet him out of so many others in the black metal scene but i think it boils down to feeling as though we have kind of similar personalities and similar struggles… i think he was such a strong talent, such a unique soul lost too soon but i am glad he was able to leave this word on his own terms, i’m hoping that doesn’t sound fucked up or anything! i would’ve liked to ask him about his thoughts on many things, his hobbies and all of that stuff…

a second musician would be fenriz from darkthrone / isengard! not even specifically younger fenriz, i would love to meet him as he is now! he just seems so fun yet laidback at the same time, so humorous and passionate… i would love love love to ramble back and forth about obscure music hehe! not to mention cats! i can see us showing pictures of our cats to each other like proud parents! not to mention i just think i would be very easily made comfortable in his presence, he just seems so genuinely nice to be around and not judgemental in the slightest! i mean, i think i would still be awestruck at meeting someone so talented but i just think he would make you feel like you’ve been friends for years within just a couple minutes of meeting and chatting…

a third musician would simply have to be cronos from venom! like many people, venom was one of the first few extreme metal bands i began listening to when i was wayyy younger and it was the first band that i got really heavily into… i mean seriously, i begged my grandmother to buy me every single one of their CDs lolol! i think my grandfather only really supported me in my begging because he is from newcastle himself… my grandmother did not buy me all of their CDs but she did buy me welcome to hell, then my older cousin burned some more custom venom CDs for me! it’s also one of the few extreme metal bands my mother really likes too, so that’s always a major plus! i think cronos just seems like a very genuine guy, he seems fun to hang out with and again, i would probably to too starstruck to talk all that much! i don’t think i would be a true british metalhead if i didn’t really want to meet cronos! so yeah, i think i’d just like to ask him about how it feels to be so… respected? i guess? how it feels to have been so many peoples first real introduction to more extreme metal, how it felt to have been the band…

not exactly a musician but i would dieee if i ever met metalion! gosh, he just probably has so so so many stories to tell about people in the extreme metal scene, so many good memories and pictures hidden away! every time i read an interview with him, i find myself agreeing with nearly everything he says so i just think i would find him to be very good company! definitely one of those guys you plan on talking to for a quick five minutes that suddenly turns into five hours because of how easy he is to talk to and how many stories he has to tell…

and a bonus musician is akira yamaoka even though he is certainly not black metal! gosh, i would really sell some of my organs to meet him… his music is always just incredible to me, always so full of passion and genuine care for the project! even his solo project, enn mo takenawa, was beyond beautiful and unique… he is such a talented soul, such an obviously passionate soul and i would love to just sit and have a conversation with him about music, about his music and music he enjoys / finds inspiration in! so much of his music has gotten me through some real tough nights and some real lonely walks, his music is true beauty in the eeriest form…

i will not give major reasonings for these but some others i would love to meet and have a simple little chat with would be S.D. from trembling void, faust from emperor / scum, B.S.O.D. from grausamkeit, euronymous from mayhem, kobal from darvulia / fornication, ihsahn from emperor and quorthon from bathory! of course, i could go on so much more about why all of these people are so interesting to me, why i would love to meet them and chat with them but i do not wish to keep you here all damn day lolol!

thank you so much for this ask, anon! i love answering any and all questions you guys have! and thank you again, i’m glad i seem so cool to you guys lolol! younger me would never believe it hehe… you guys are all just as cool as me! glad to hear you love my blog too, i love you guys just as much <3

#vera ✩#ask answered ✩

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phxntomsdusk · 10 months ago

Text

addressing this all in one post

sirenbrainrot.

if any of you have been on the wilbur x reader side of tumblr, you may be familiar with the nickname.

this was an account that was known to interact with and write nsfw from time to time, but then got outed for being a minor and not actually 19.

this account was me.

before i explain anything i’d just like to say that i won’t be saying excuses such as “i’m only a kid” because i should have known better. and i know much better now.

this account was the start of several problems in regards to me online. i had started a tumblr because i have a passion for writing, and it is one of my coping mechanisms, meaning it helps me cope with traumatic things in my life mostly.

during the time i had started the account i was going through realization that i had been sexually assaulted and manipulated by an ex of mine. i’ve been through quite a bit of sexual related trauma such as being groomed, manipulated and pushed/forced into doing or sending things.

i had fallen to the point mentally where i felt like i was nothing but a body for someone to find satisfaction with, and so i put myself up to those standards. i had struggled with a porn addiction for months on end, something i still find myself struggling with to this day.

the videos i was watching had made me believe i filled the hole that was in my brain, when in reality it was making everything so much worse.

the videos has turned into writing, starting on wattpad after i came across a fanfic that included smut, to which i read and realized that maybe that would help me more.

it got horrible. to the point i’d ignore friends texts to read it or even did it in school. and eventually.. i had found tumblr.

originally me and my best friend just downloaded the app so we could read fanfics together, sharing our favorite ones throughout the months and what not. until i discover the nsfw side of the content i was engaging in.

my interest has peaked, making me fall into a hole of constant reading, scrolling, and liking anything involving nsfw.

after a few months i had decided to start writing for myself, coming up with the sirenbrainrot tagline and becoming a writer.

i was extremely proud of the fact i had gained quite a big following, even making the character “churchboy” and ended up writing nsfw for him as well.

it wasn’t until i heavily started interacting with abby’s nsfw account that things had completely gone downhill.

it was not and never will be my place to interact with nsfw/adult spaces, and i fully take responsibility for the people i’ve upset and those who i’ve harmed because of my actions.

i was known as 🧠 anon on that account, often providing nsfw content and character ai bots. i was maybe one of the people who interacted with her work the most.

it wasn’t until i had gotten into personal contact with connor that i opened up about my age. he truly made me realized how fucked up and horrible the entire thing is, leading me to apologize to abby personally.

she had blocked me and posted about it, and i do not blame her. i was a minor disguised as an adult, gaining people’s trust just to break down a wall of horrible lies.

after this i discussed with a friend on what to do, ultimately quitting the account and starting this one, phxntomsdusk.

i took a bit of time to myself to think over everything i’ve done because of my own selfish behavior.

i hurt people, i invaded personal spaces, and most importantly i could have gotten several adults into legitimate legal trouble.

i know it’s bad to blame everything on my trauma, but in reality i was a person who was struggling with sexual assault, self harming thought due to it, and didn’t know any other way to fill the spot that would help me the most.

instead of doing the mature thing and speaking out about my struggles, i did a horrible thing and took advantage of people’s trust.

for the record i do not interact with or read nsfw anymore. im still struggling with videos but that is a different thing im working on separately.

for the nsfw i admitted to reading, that is because i worry for my older cousin. his mom doesn’t tolerate this stuff, and speaking with her privately has concluded he will most likely be deleting that account and not posting anymore nsfw so further situations such as this don’t happen.

again i’m sorry for those i have harmed with my actions in the past, i truly am trying to change and be a better person while bettering myself.

#phxntom talks

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btsqualityy · 2 years ago

Text

Y.O.U (Years of Us), Chapter 1: “I’ve Missed You, Bubs”.

Jimin x half black/half Korean OC

Genre/Rating: 21+, established relationship, idol!AU, smut, angst, and fluff

Summary: Kamaria sees Jimin for the first time since he got married and he proposes an...interesting idea.

Warnings: Somewhat non-serious threats of violence.

WC: 3.3K

Author’s Note: Italics indicate a flashback! Hope you guys enjoy it!

Song Of The Chapter: Taeyeon-What Do I Call You Now

3 YEARS AGO

“So tell us, in your own words, what does Park Jimin mean to you?” The interviewer questioned and Kamaria bit her lip as she contemplated her answer for a few seconds.

“He’s.....a safe space,” Kamaria began. “I can be my authentic self with him and never have to worry about judgement.”

“When you say judgement, what do you mean?”

“If I’m speaking honestly, there are certain aspects of myself that I prefer to keep private. My identity as a mixed race woman as well as the pressure that comes with being known as Choi Sora’s youngest child....it causes people to have preconceived notions about me and that all weighs on me so I have separated my work identity and my personal identity as a result,” she elaborated. “With Jimin though, I don’t have to have separate sides to me. I can be as loud or as silly or as pensive as I want to be, and he takes me as I am. Wholly. Completely.”

“How does he treat you?”

“Like a Queen but he treats everyone in his life well,” Kamaria giggled. “I truly think that if it were possible, he’d take the stars out of the sky and hand them to me if I asked.”

“How would you describe your friendship?” The interviewer questioned and Kamaria smirked lightly because she knew he’d have a field day if only he knew just how deeply their friendship currently ran.

“I think it’s one of mutual care and support, and love,” Kamaria stated. “Our music also plays a large part in it and I think that’s why he and I have been able to be friends for so long now.”

“Alright, any last words you want to say to Jimin for his upcoming album release?”

“Jimin-ssi, you’ve worked hard on this album and I’m extremely proud of you,” Kamaria started. “Thank you for allowing me to work with you and I, personally, think it’s some of your best work yet. I love you. Fighting!”

....................................................

Kamaria slowly walked down the steps leading from the stage, being careful of her dress and high heels as she did so. Seventeen’s DK was right by her side, holding her hand as a means of support to make sure that she didn’t fall. After performing a duet together at the SBS Gayo Daejeon and receiving a standing ovation, the two of them made their way backstage.

“You did amazing, sunbaenim,” DK praised and Kamaria smiled brightly, tightening her grip on his hand thankfully.

“I appreciate that but one half of a duet is only as good as it’s counterpart,” she replied. “Your vocals are effortless. I’d love to work with you more, whether it’s with your members or even any future solo work.”

“Really?” He gasped.

“Really.”

“Ah, thank you so much,” DK chirped happily, bowing deeply in gratitude.

“It’s no problem, honestly,” Kamaria chuckled. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get going.”

“Of course,” he nodded before releasing her hand and watching as she walked away. As Kamaria made her way down the long hallway to her dressing room, her manager Nari showed up next to her.

“Ok, first things first: you were amazing, as always,” Nari began as she reached down and picked up the bottom of Kamaria’s dress to hold it for her.

“Thanks Nari,” Kamaria responded, bowing lightly to the crew as they passed by them. “I’m assuming there’s a second thing.”

“Yes,” Nari sighed. “Jimin’s here.”

“I know that.” Kamaria had only been forced to see his fucking face as she sat in the audience earlier in the evening, attempting to enjoy the show.

“And he wants to speak to you,” Nari finished and Kamaria glanced over at her, lightly shaking her head.

“Fuck no.”

“He was really insistent though,” she tried to say and Kamaria scoffed loudly.

“He always is, egotistical fuck,” she snapped. “I don’t want to see his face, let alone talk to him because I swear, if I see him-”

“What’s gonna happen, bubs?” Jimin wondered with a smirk and Kamaria’s eyes widened when she saw him standing next to the door of her dressing room. “God, you look gorgeous.”

“Nari, give me five minutes?” Kamaria requested as she turned to look at her manager and Nari raised an eyebrow.

“You sure?”

“Yeah but if you hear me scream, you know who did it,” she replied.

“Oh baby, if I do anything to you, it’s cause you wanted it,” Jimin said and Kamaria rolled her eyes as she stepped past him, opening the door to the dressing room before stepping inside. Jimin followed behind her, shutting the door afterwards and smiling widely at his ex-girlfriend.

“What do you want?” Kamaria questioned as she turned around to face him.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Jimin shrugged. “I’ve missed you, bubs.”

“Firstly, don’t call me that,” she snapped. “You don’t deserve to. Secondly, if you wanted to talk, the time would’ve been three months ago before you decided to get married out of the blue.”

“Don’t throw that into my face. What else did you think I was supposed to do?” He demanded to know. “Wait for you the rest of my life?”

“No but I didn’t expect you to go off and marry the first woman who paid you attention!”

“Why not? You left me, not the other way around.”

“And you know exactly why I did,” Kamaria shot back with a raised brow and Jimin exhaled harshly. Reaching over to the vanity mirror that sat against the wall, she grabbed her purse from the top of it and began to walk towards the door. When she closer to Jimin though, he lightly grabbed her arm which made her stop.

“Bubs, please,” Jimin whispered and for a split second, Kamaria could see the Old Jimin again. The Jimin that she had met eight years ago, the Jimin that was the light of her life, the Jimin that she had fallen in love with.

Chancing a look downwards, Kamaria caught a glimpse of something gleaming in the light and when she looked closer, she realized that it was Jimin’s golden wedding band sitting on his fourth finger.

“Let me go,” Kamaria whispered and Jimin followed her line of sight, sighing heavily when he realized what she was looking at.

“Bubs.”

“If I have to ask you again, I’m going to swing,” she stated firmly, looking back up at him with a scowl. “And you know I will.” Knowing her well enough to know that she wasn’t bluffing, he released his grip on her arm and watching as she threw open the door to the dressing room, storming out and letting the door slam shut behind her.

....................................................

Later on that night, Kamaria was sitting in her large bathtub nursing a bottle of wine in one hand and the remote control to the large television that hung on the wall opposite to her in the other hand. She had been renting a penthouse apartment while she was having a home custom built but she had fallen in love with her temporary home so much (specifically the master bedroom and bathroom), she was contemplating buying it as a second home.

As she soaked in the water, she couldn’t help but to think back to her encounter with Jimin a few hours prior. Going from seeing someone every day to completely cutting that someone out of your life had been a hard thing to do, but Kamaria had been committed to doing it. Jimin going off and marrying that random woman had hurt Kamaria more than she was willing to admit, and seeing his face that night only drug up bad memories.

“Fuck,” Kamaria groaned when she heard her phone begin to ring from it’s spot beside the tub. Setting the remote control down, she grabbed the phone and answered it before putting it up to her ear. “Hello?”

“Bubs,” Jimin called.

“What the fuck, Jimin?” She huffed. “You’re like a bad case of chlamydia. How the hell did you get this number?”

“You know me better than that. I have my ways.”

“What do you want?”

“I just want to have dinner with you,” Jimin admitted.

“Why should I?”

“You should because we have eights years of friendship between us,” he pointed out.

“Ok, I’ll bite,” Kamaria sighed. “What do we even have to talk about?”

“I have a proposal for you,” Jimin told her and she automatically rolled her eyes.

“You can send all business stuff to Nari or Bang PD.”

“Stop fucking dismissing me like that,” he grumbled. “I’m serious. I need to discuss something with you.” After thinking for a few seconds, she took a deep breath in and released it before doing something that she knew she would probably regret.

“Ok.”

“Thank you, bubs,” Jimin replied giddily. “Now, I have one question for you.”

“What’s that?”

“What are you wearing right now?”

“You’re a disgusting, limp-dicked, sack of shit,” Kamaria chided.

“Oh, talk dirty to me, baby,” he snickered.

“How’s the wifey?” Kamaria suddenly asked and Jimin instantly stopped laughing.

“Don’t throw my wife or my marriage in my face, and I’m not going to tell you that again.”

“You mean the fake marriage?”

“What do you think makes it fake?” He wondered. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“I’d like to not vomit into my bathwater,” she laughed. “So I’m not interested in recounting what makes your sham marriage just that: a sham.”

“Sure you’re not,” he hummed. “I’m more interested in you and this bathwater though, I will admit.”

“Why, wanna drink it?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jimin smiled. “You know how I feel about you and your body.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Alright, alright. You free on Monday, 7pm at Ryunique?”

“Ryunique?” Kamaria repeated, her interested peaked at hearing the name of her favorite restaurant.

“Well, I figured if I chose somewhere you liked, you’d be less likely to storm out if you get pissed,” Jimin reasoned.

“I’ll be there.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing you, bubs,” Jimin said. “I love you.”

“Choke on a thousand dicks, Jimin,” Kamaria fumed before hanging up on him. After she put the phone back in it’s previous place next to the tub, Kamaria brought the wine bottle that was still in her opposite hand up to her lips, taking a long swing.

“Fucking dumb ass,” she muttered as she laid her head back, not knowing for sure if she was referring to herself or the ex-boyfriend that she still loved.

....................................................

“I cannot believe you gave him my fucking number!”

“Look, don’t chew my head off,” Nari spat from the opposite end of the phone. “I know you’re upset at him for getting married but you also still love him and want to talk to him.”

“I do not,” Kamaria muttered petulantly as she looked out of the window of the escalade that she was in. “Me icing him out for months clearly shows that.”

“Yeah, right. Tell me why you’re going to Ryunique right now then,” Nari dared.

“He said he had a proposition,” Kamaria shrugged.

“And he couldn’t just tell you over the phone?”

“Apparently not,” Kamaria responded.

“Look, you’re already on your way there so just have an open mind and don’t be such a bitch,” Nari suggested.

“Please, I’ve been a bitch since the day that I met that man,” Kamaria laughed. “He’s used to it. Plus, being a bitch is my specialty.”

“Uh huh,” Nari chuckled and just then, the car pulled to a slow stop in front of Ryunique.

“I just got here, gotta go.”

“Call me after to tell me what he said!”

“Alright, bye,” Kamaria replied before hanging up the phone. Once the driver had gotten out and walked around the side of the car to open her door, Kamaria slowly slid out, being careful of the black mini dress that she had on as she did so.

Since Ryunique was popular among idols and actors/actresses, paparazzi was almost always stationed out front so Kamaria slapped a wide smile on her face as she waved to the cameras, the flashes almost blinding her. After about 30 seconds, she then made her way inside of the restaurant.

“Ah, there’s one of our most valued customers!” The owner, Shin Ryujin, exclaimed upon seeing her. “You’re just as gorgeous as ever, Minali!”

“Thank you so much, Ryujin-ssi,” Kamaria bowed lightly in respect. “Is my favorite table available?”

“Yes, Jimin-ssi called and reserved it a few days ago,” Ryujin confirmed.

“Of course he did,” she muttered to herself as she followed behind Ryujin, pacing towards the back of the restaurant where the space between the tables was larger and the area was slightly sectioned off from the rest of the space by large walls of paneling on either side.

“Your favorite wine?” Ryujin asked and Kamaria nodded her head thankfully before he walked away. Pulling her phone out of her purse, Kamaria saw that it was already 7:10 and she rolled her eyes. Before she could complain though, she heard a flurry of activity and when she looked up, she couldn’t help the soft gasp that slipped past her lips.

Jimin had walked in, dressed in a black button down shirt paired with black slacks and his favorite Chelsea boots. The thing that had made Kamaria gasp though, was his fresh undercut that he had to have gotten done earlier that day, and the sight took her right back to when she had met Jimin for the first time eight years prior.

....................................................

8 YEARS AGO

“Thank you so much for doing this at the last minute,” the director, Seok Choi, said as he led Kamaria towards the set. “We know you have busy schedules these days, with the recent success of your first film and all.”

“Trust me, it’s no issue at all,” Kamaria assured him with a smile. “Plus, I’m a fan of Bangtan so this is an amazing opportunity for me.”

“Ah, speaking of Bangtan,” Seok Choi said as he walked onto the set. “Jimin-ssi, this is your leading lady Choi Minali. Minali-ssi, this is Park Jimin.”

“I also go by Kamaria,” she said, bowing towards Jimin who did the same. She had attempted to keep her cool because not only was she a fan of Jimin’s music, she also thought he was the most gorgeous man on the face of the planet. Dressed in a suit with no shirt underneath the jacket, his hair was pushed back off of his forehead and showcased his freshly shaven undercut.

The sight of him was so damn appealing, Kamaria had to remind herself that she was there to work.

“Nice to meet you,” Jimin smiled. “I have to say, I appreciate you taking this on. Our previous lead broke her ankle trying to do the choreography and with this being my debut solo music video, I’m a little on edge.”

“I get it,” she nodded in understanding. “I’m a big fan so I jumped at the chance to do this.”

“Have you heard the song yet?”

“I was listening to it in my dressing room as I went over the steps with the choreographer and I have to say, Jimin-ssi, it’s fantastic,” Kamaria gushed.

“Nah,” Jimin chuckled in embarrassment. “You think?”

“Yeah.”

“Eh, I doubt it,” he tried to say.

“Listen, if I don’t know anything else in life, I know music,” she stated firmly. “And trust me when I tell you, you have a huge fucking hit on your hands.”

“Well, thank you,” Jimin smiled, refreshed by her bravado. “Shall we rehearse?”

“Lead the way,” Kamaria grinned and Jimin couldn’t help but to notice how gorgeous she was, especially when she smiled.

....................................................

“Down girl,” Kamaria whispered to herself, feeling her panties beginning to stick to her skin a little from the sight of Jimin. After greeting a few people at the entrance and signing a few autographs, Jimin eventually made his way back to their private table and Kamaria took a few seconds to make sure her dress was sitting on her body right, pushing her breasts up a little to make sure they were sitting pretty. She knew that Jimin loved this particular black dress on her so she wanted to make sure that he would be eating his heart out by the time dinner was over.

“Hi bubs,” he smiled brightly, stepping over to Kamaria and bending down before he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.

“Oh wow, look who’s late,” Kamaria deadpanned. “As always.”

“I’m Jimin-ing today,” he laughed as he pulled his chair out on the opposite side of the table and sat down.

“Jimin-ssi, hello,” Ryujin greeted him cheerily as he came back to their table, setting Kamaria’s glass of wine down in front of her.

“Hello Ryujin.”

“Are we drinking tonight?” He asked and Kamaria looked right into Jimin’s eyes as she waited for his answer.

“Not tonight Ryujin,” Jimin shook his head before looking back at Kamaria. “Just a water with lemon for me, please.”

“Alright, and your regular orders for your meals?” He checked, waiting until both Jimin and Kamaria had nodded their heads before turning and walking away. Kamaria looked back down at her phone in her hand, scrolling through her social media until she heard a tap on the table.

“Hey,” Jimin called, waiting until she had looked up at him. “It’s kind of rude to ignore the person who’s treating you out to dinner.”

“It’s also weird for you to be on a date with another woman while you’re married,” Kamaria shot back.

“Oh, so you want this to be a date?” He smirked.

“You’re such a dick,” she muttered as she looked back down at her phone but when she did, she could feel Jimin’s eyes still on her so she looked up at him again. “What?”

“You just, you look gorgeous,” he replied candidly. “It amazes me that after eight years, I literally never get tired of looking at you. You’re wearing my favorite dress, too.” So he did notice but Kamaria wasn’t surprised. The man noticed everything about her and he always had.

“Well, thank you.”

“My gorgeous bubs,” he cooed and feeling herself about to fall for it, she put the walls up as quick as she could.

“How’s Hye-ja?” Kamaria inquired, making Jimin sigh heavily. “How’s the marriage?”

“It’s...not great,” Jimin admitted.

“Well, what else is to be expected when you marry someone after four weeks of “dating”, and I use that word very loosely,” she replied.

“I wouldn’t have even entertained her if you hadn’t left me.”

“I left for a fucking reason and that was because of your inability to respect both me and my boundaries,” Kamaria huffed.

“Alright, here we go!” Ryujin cheered as he, along with an extra waiter, brought their plates to the table and set them down. “Enjoy you two and please, don’t hesitate to call if you need anything else.”

“Thank you, Ryujin-ssi,” Kamaria smiled lightly before they walked away.

“Anyways, I’m happy that you brought up my marriage because that’s what I asked you here to talk about,” Jimin began.

“What, you gonna ask me to join?” She asked as she began to cut into her steak.

“Ha ha.”

“Sorry, it was low hanging fruit,” she shrugged.

“Well, I found out that Hye-ja doesn’t want children,” he revealed and Kamaria’s eyes widened slightly, her heart aching for him. As long as they had known each other, she knew of Jimin’s strong desire to start a family and have children since he loved them so much.

“Not to throw salt in your wounds but again, this is what happens when you marry the first bitch who pays you attention.”

“She’s not a bitch bubs, she’s Kim Hye-ja,” Jimin chuckled. “One of the most famous actresses in South Korea. Be honest with yourself.”

“Please, my brand ranking is higher than hers.”

“You looked that up?” He questioned and Kamaria cut her eyes at him.

“Get to the fucking point before I leave.”

“Alright, alright,” he acquiesced. “Well, long story short, I’ve decided to have children anyway. Without Hye-ja.”

“Congratulations,” Kamaria chuckled as she picked up her wine glass. “I have to say, it’s one of your crazier ideas though. Who’s the lucky lady?”

“You,” Jimin grinned and Kamaria choked on the sip that she had taken, coughing and spluttering as she attempted to regain control.

“What? I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly. Repeat again?”

“Bubs, will you be my surrogate?”

....................................................

Tag List: @dunixxd

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