#I’m aware I can’t block every child online

[sanjisblackasswife]

I still block minors that interact with my nsfw writing btw.

Same with my art too go stay in a child’s place this for grown folk.

Blank pages too so put that page on ya page😉.

[eosincuffs]

Welcome sweets, darlings, honeys, I’m Cuffs! I am an 18 year old novice writer here to write the things I can’t find online. I am currently frothing over the COD fandom and mainly enjoy the darker aspects of romance. But I DO NOT ENDORSE OR CONDONE the behaviour I write about irl, this is purely my fictional sandbox.

Also don’t you dare plagiarise and claim my work as yours. I absolutely do NOT consent to posting my work without credit!

I love you all but first and foremost I created this blog mainly for my own enjoyment and to share dopamine with likeminded moots. I write for me and only for me, and will very rarely take customised reader asks/scenarios that aren’t dark. You are welcome to feast on my thoughts as long as you remember this.

Please be aware that I repost, create and interact with works that in some shape or form include DARK CONTENT. Usually it involves !TW noncon, !TW dubcon, TW! kidnapping, !TW stalking and just general gross behaviour both sexual and non. Which is why MINORS DNI, ageless blogs will be blocked and if I find out you are a minor you will be blocked as well. Idc how mature you think you are this is about basic respect.

If that is not your cup of tea, scroll or block me <3.

If I get a message chastising me on the contents of my blog I will assume that you are an illiterate single celled organism and kindly advise you to shove your moral righteousness where the sun doesn’t shine. I will post your message and call it out. SCROLL AND/OR BLOCK.

- I will NOT be answering every ask.

- If you ask me to write any kind of fluff it will probs involve Stockholm Syndrome. But hey I might, cuz even my heart needs some softness

- I do not fulfill personal asks e.g. how would this character react to reader with {…..} condition/body type/skin type/race e.c.t. (unless it tickles my brain in a good way) You are all beautiful and valid but it’s literally in MAIN RULE.

- Zoophilia/Beastiality

- Stepdad stuff (others are fine, but this one just makes me feel a lil off, but maybe someday)

- Pedophilia

- Ageplay/Infantilisation (but like age gaps with 20s and like 40s+ is ok, i just dont like it when they are forced to act like children)

- Male reader (at least not yet)

- Hard Scat (so anything involving faeces)

Sure hope you read all of the above before scrolling here ЮwЮ

Maul the Hand that Feeds - Multipart

- Dark! 141 x Wealthy Reader

Dishonourably discharged, the lives of the 141 quartet are arguably ruined. Until Soap meets you.

Pipping Gone Wrong - Multipart/One-shot drabble idk yet

- Dark! 141 x Recruit! Reader

Joining the army out of desperation, you look awfully different from your fierce and independent colleagues. Soap takes notice.

Puppy Presents - Multipart

- Ghoap x Ragdoll Hybrid! Reader x PriceGaz

Ghost saved your wealthy owner’s son and his reward is the perfect, pampered, pliable you! But uh oh, Soap hates your guts.

New Year Troubles - One-shot

- Nasty! Soap x Colleague! Reader

What’s he doing?

Inspired by ceilidho’s Coworker Soap series!

Will be added:

Brazen Bull - Multipart

- Bastard! König x Royal! Reader

König’s an illegitimate child, an unwanted existence sent as war fodder turned hero; fighting valiantly for his mother’s honour. You’re the sole princess of the Empire. Spoiled and perfect, with your eyes on that galant, diamond throne.

??? - Multipart

- Hybrid!CoD x Hybrid!Reader

Your unwelcome visitor is quite lovely, actually. But you need to get him out! Quick! There’s something else lumbering towards your den.

[wareagleofthemountain]

Blog/request rules!

First and foremost, this blog is not child friendly so if you are under the age of 18 do not interact. Ageless and or blank blogs who follow me will be blocked. Remember, you are responsible for your online consumption.

I believe that kindness and respect are the key to every good relationship, including online, so do keep that in mind when typing feedback.

For requests:

Feel free to send them through either my Ask Box or DMs. Anonymous requests will be accepted.

Please specify what you’re looking for: HCs, brabble, full fic ect.

You can send in as many requests as you want, but please send only one request per message.

Be sure to specify any aspects of the reader I should be aware of (gender, relationship to the character, physical features ect).

I’m willing to try my hand at NSFW fics, though I can’t promise they’ll be great lol. For these type of stories, I will not write non-con, dub-con, assault, or incest. NSFW fics will be labeled as such and active warning will be listed.

[saltoftheao3]

Goodbye + a few words for the road

(Edited to add: The blog will still be semi-active (mostly inactive) as the founding mod is still around. Thank you Mod Salt for taking over and being an amazing force for fandom positivity these past few years ~ Mod Saltiest)

Hey folks, this blog has been inactive for a while now as my life has been very busy and my interests have changed, so here's me offering official closure at least.

First of all: It has been a fun few years chatting, having debates, inspiring and helping each other out around our shared passion for fanfiction. I really enjoyed this form of interaction and was often moved, amused and empowered by our exchanges. I look back to this entire time with you with a fond smile. Thank you for your kindness, patience and enthusiasm.

And since i'm here, i want to use my reach one last time to share some personal thoughts - please indulge me, i won't bore you.

What is it about writing fanfiction that feels so empowering to so many of us?

When i was a child and young teenager i experienced stories as something closed-off, unchangeable, a product of great minds that, yes, i could and did vicariously enjoy, but of which i was forever the passive recipient. I was allowed in the fantastical playground of a storyteller's mind, but i was there as a guest, i could look but not play. I wasn't even aware playing was an option.

But with fanfiction ... somehow my entire perspective on storytelling changed. My relationship to stories moved away from mere consumption to a desire to make it different, to make it mine. Suddenly there was a space for my previously vague, unformed ideas, and an incentive to explore them.

Confronted with polished, glossy professional stories, I now saw possibilities. What if this character fell in love with the same gender, experienced trivial domestic bliss, came to grip with their childhood trauma? And i could make this possibilities reality through my own writing, bend the narrative to cater to my taste and interests. I was an active participant in the process of creating reality through words. And sure, the product was rough, awkward, mediocre at times - but it was mine, it held something of me. And sometimes it entertained and thrilled and moved readers from all over the world that happened to stumble upon it.

Online communities allowed me to realize that we can reach others, relate to each other, move others, that our voices are unique and interesting, if only we care to speak. A pen, a laptop, and we can make as much fucking sandcastles as we want to, tell the stories we want to tell, that are ours to tell. No one can do that in our place.

And if you've nodded along to this trail of thought; if you agree with this logic and can relate to that feeling of empowerment; then i want you to understand that this can be applied to all aspects of life.

This dreadful, gray concrete wall on your street that fills you with gloom? Why endure its depressing sight when you can grab a spray can and remake it into something colorful and joyful, reshape that wall into something you actually care to look at and that may bring others joy too.

Rewrite that story.

The wasteland next to your neighborhood that's currently hosting weed and trash and that the municipality doesn't want to take care of? Why accept it as it is, if you can envision better possibilities? A shovel, a wheelbarrow, some seeds, a few helping hands, the internet to guide you, and you have the first steps to an urban garden beloved by bees, butterflies and birds, and providing fresh fruit and vegs to you and your neighbors.

Sandcastle, build that fucking sandcastle.

Your workplace where everyone is treated like shit and your rights are threatened? Are you going to accept the narrative that things have to be that way? That there's nothing you can do, except maybe vote? What's to stop you from reshaping your workplace so it caters to your needs? Colleagues at your back, help from the union, and you can bargain for better work conditions, modify the entire workplace. No one is going to do that for you.

Transform the narrative.

The local coal mine that is tearing through the earth to dig up tons upon tons of fossil combustible, actively threatening all life on earth? Can you really accept that as a given, as something no one has might on, except maybe some remote politician? Or can you join a group fighting for climate justice and block the shit out of that mine so it's forced to stop the destruction?

Redesign the entire game.

The step from writing fanfiction to blocking a coal mine may seem far-fetched, but at its core it's a matter of how we interact with the world we live in. See how it all ties into each other? How once you've noticed you have the power to actively reshape things around you, whether stories or your real-life environment, you realize that everything can be changed, and that everything probably must be changed, too?

Listen.

Friends, hard times are ahead. Times have been hard for a lot of us for a long while now. With the climate crisis upon us and world governments eager to maintain this deadly status-quo of economic growth and environmental destruction no matter the costs, it's up to us to take action, fight the powers in place and change the lives we lead. We can't rely on politicians, we can't rely on big business, we can't rely on someone more smart and capable to emerge and fix things. No one's gonna come. We have to start where we stand, teach each other and ourselves what to do, and get shit done.

It will be difficult, and it will be tough and it will be scary, but we have each other, we have this wonderful medium that allows us to find each other all over the planet, hear each other's voices and organize on an unprecedented scale. We are creative, and numerous and bold, and we will be reckoned with. Because help won't come from above, and we have to stop waiting, hoping and campaigning for it. Let's invest our energy where it really matters, and that's not a mere cross on a ballot every few years.

Being an active participant in the fight for a better life, no matter how harrowing that might sometimes be, is so much better than enduring crisis after crisis with only the dishonest voices of the powerful to lead you through them. And the crises will come. Covid is only the start. You will not be forever able to keep your head down and abide the rules, not if you want to maintain your personal integrity. I repeat: keeping your head down will not be an option forever. So why not choose to act of your own impulse?

Friends, change is coming and there will be choices to face sooner or later. Questions that will demand answers. Can I accept the status quo? Can I accept the dominant narrative? Can I accept indignities and injustice, carried out against me or sometimes in my name? Can I accept the climate crisis and environmental destruction taking place under my nose?

Talk to your friends. Find your answers. Find the drive for change.

Friends, the world is yours to shape. The story is yours to tell. Be aware of your own power, and use it for good.

Friends, be brave. The time is now. Good luck on your way.

Love,

Salt

[burnedbyshoto]

So I'm not trying to shame you. I have an app on my phone that let's me see what my daughter looks at online. She is fully aware of it. I just wish there was a way for you to make sure kids not of age can't see this. I know it's up to parents too. But it's difficult to try and stop my child from looking at this stuff. If you have any suggestions. She already feels like I'm invading her privacy.

hello mother of a follower, it’s nice to meet you, although in very, very strange circumstances if I must admit. so, a little background information on tumblr and my tumblr in specific!

tumblr is a very anonymous app if you want it to be. not only does each profile allow you to remain anonymous for all eternity, it’s a very “socially unfavorable” app meaning that most of the time you really don’t want you name tagged to your blog. I don’t know why, past reputations probably. due to the programming of tumblr, one thing it is incapable of doing — unlike twitter, tiktok, facebook, or instagram — is truly locking or privating accounts.

if someone wants to follow me, they can should they find my profile. so, clearly your child found my account.

I would like to point out that we can block profiles which prohibits profiles from viewing my page, but this does not stop them from hopping onto safari or whatever search engine and viewing my page. not only that but I do not block minors — i’m assuming your child is a minor in this case — because with someone with 25k+ followers that is continuously growing every day, I simply do not have the mental or emotional energy to track every single one of my followers age. I know there are some blogs who do such thing, but I do not because well... i’ll never get to the bottom of it.

I block minors when they are blatantly being minors in my eyes aka commenting or asking me something that includes their age. otherwise I do not interact with them as I fully expect them to not interact with me. as you can see via my blog header I am an “18+ blog minors dni” as a warning to them. I wish I could stop minors from reading and being on my blog, but I can’t. but it’s a warning so that if minors come onto my blog, they know they should not be here.

it may not be in my place, but I had overly strict parents myself. as a mexican daughter of immigrants my parents read and watched over everything I did before I turned 18 (they even used to read my text messages and would get angry about things i’d say even though they would tell me every day they would never read my texts) and they sort of do it still even though i’m 21. although I understand reasoning behind invasion of privacy of your child because I know it’s done with best of intentions, realize that even if it is your child, they deserve their own privacy. & hey it seems they’re just reading stories about fluff, smut, and angst about fictional boys — a step up from getting involved with drugs, sex, or whatever weird things you might believe minors be doing or could be doing.

what i think you need to do with your child, most importantly, is just talk with them. maybe you didn’t experience is as a minor, but take my own experience that we do at times feel horny and such. have the sex talk, have a progressive and open conversation with your child without shooting them down or making them feel bad about their very real and human feelings and temptations. discuss about how the things they read on my blog is not realistic — as any form of media is — but remember that you should never shame them for indulging on their sorts of entertainment.

I mean, I get it! if I was a parent and my child was reading erotica i’d freak out too because what do you do??? but also I know that it’s human and part of growing. I also know that if you shut it down and belittle or shame them, it will hurt them more than anything else. just have a discussion about healthy and safe sex if it’s the smut you’re concerned about, but that’s as far as I can help you. because if you’re unable to view your child as a human being that is growing up feeling how you did and maybe feelings in some areas more than others, you’ll hurt your relationship.

be a parent, but also be a human being and see your child as such too because one day they won’t be a minor anymore and there’s something they may or may not forgive you for. and if it’s too much for you then, maybe reconsider this privacy thing on your own end and maybe stop looking at what they do on their phone and trust that they’re making safe and healthy decisions because well... it sort of is an invasion of privacy. is your child allowed to view everything you look up on the internet? they’re communicating to you that they feel that your overstepping their boundaries & now you’re asking me to do something so that you can continue to enforce your restrictions on them. i mean, yes, i don’t want minors on my blog, but this is not the way to get minors to stop indulging into their more sexual feelings and emotions. strict parents breed mischievous kids and kids who don’t want anything to do with their parents once they taste freedom. be open. be charastimatic and empathic and realize that your child needs their privacy to indulge in their wants and needs without you being weirded out by it. educate your child but don’t destroy a happy spot for them.

it might mean nothing to you, but I promise you that a minor reading fanficition/being obsessed with fictional characters is not a bad thing or a crazy thing. i’m still relatively normal :) good luck, and I hope I neither offended or overstepped.

[universitypenguin]

What happened to u? U okay?

Hello!

First off, thank you for your concern. I appreciate it and I needed it after the past two days. To answer your question - I'm doing great.

I don’t have a lot of context about your question, but I’m guessing your concern is due to my recent blocking spree. A day ago, I went through my followers list and found some minors. I’ve previously seen smut fanfic writers concerned by underage people interacting with their posts. Until I had to block a few of them, I wasn’t aware how uncomfortable it would make me feel.

Since the blocking spree, I've had a lot of thoughts. I'm about to spew them everywhere. You might regret asking me if I was okay. Sorry about that. No one needs to read this whole manifesto about my rollercoaster of emotions the past few days. But in the interest of transparency, I'm posting this very long note.

What I want my readers to know is the following:

Tumblr is both a place for fanfiction and a social media site.

When I interact with followers and write explicit content, I have to be careful about what I'm saying and who I'm saying it to.

I don't intend to block or purge my followers in the future.

As long as I appropriately tag and put warnings on my work, that is adequate protection for my blog. Everything I write containing explicit content is tagged.

However, I won't interact with users who don't have an age stated in their bio.

There have to be boundaries, given the content of my writing. But I've also come around to the realization that I'm not capable of policing every interaction. Tumblr is a public forum. Minors following me makes me uncomfortable. But by the same token, my work is clearly labeled at 18+ and so is my blog.

There's a lot of explicit content out there for minors if you really think about it. In my high school freshman English class we talked about the book "The Color Purple." Believe me, that was explicit and we were only 14. Any minor with a library card and a Google browser can access a lot more intense content than what I write. I hope they're all being safe, but I can't have a melt down blocking spree again.

I'm not a cop, I'm not a parent, and what minors consume is down to them and the adult responsible for them. If I know someone is a minor I'll block them, should I notice they're trying to interact with me. Otherwise, I'm not purging my followers ever again. It's too much drama. I'd rather leave Tumblr than do that twice. I'm tired and I'm starting to work on my post graduate classes, I work full time in a demanding job, I'm in the process of editing my novel, and trying to keep up with my personal life. Quite literally, I don't have time to block. Writing fanfic is supposed to be my fun time. Let's keep it that way.

Due to the fact that some people I blocked were later unblocked after I took a closer look at their blogs, I'm posting a full explanation below. A quick summary is this:

After only writing for three months, I'd amassed 500 followers. On Monday I blocked almost 200 of them. Then I reviewed my block list and editing down some people who were prematurely blocked. [I assume the anon is one of the unblocked who had me disappear from their dash. Sorry!] This blocking thing isn't sustainable. In the future I'll run my blog differently as far as interaction goes in an effort to be responsible.

Continue reading for the saga of:

The Great Blocking Spree and Existential Crisis of an Erotic Fanfic Writer.

The Blocking Spree:

On Monday I realized a thirteen year old was following me and interacting with my work. This creeped me out.

*Commence blocking spree*

Then I realized how daunting my followers list was. I had 500 followers prior to Monday. That day I blocked about 200 people (some of them prematurely - more on that later.) So after the daunting task of trying to assume, to check bios for ages, to review blog content and determine the user's age, I was tired. Today, I even took a moment to reconsider if I wanted to use Tumblr. Because if all this is my responsibility, maybe I don't have the time or dedication to manage it. When I can be chill, I try to be. This attitude also affected by blocking. It contributed to me unblocking people. When I was doing the blocking spree, I'd give people with no age in their bio a fair shot by reviewing their posts.

I blocked some bot accounts, then a bunch of blank blogs, some ambiguous people who very well could be of age. For the first 100 followers I was pretty aggressive. Then my attention span dropped off and I was a bit more ambivalent. I realized I was doing a crappy job of moderating and wondered what the point was.

The point was that the thirteen year old interacting with my work freaked me out. When I found two sixteen year old followers, it pushed me to continue the purge.

So on I go, blocking. I'm so responsible for doing this, right? But my methodology is crap. What is context for being an adult? Someone had posted about budgeting advice. I thought the budgeting advice was too good for it not to have come from an adult. But my father's a financial advisor and to be honest, I could have given that level of advice at fifteen just from osmosis. Someone had pictures of themselves entering their marijuana plants in the Oregon State Fair. Okay, you've got to be over 18. I didn't block them. Someone else complained about their stats professor and I didn't block them. But in retrospect, one of my high school friends got permission to take college level math courses when we were seniors. She was seventeen when she had a stats professor. The thought circles back - what am I accomplishing here? Next, I went back and unblocked someone who ranted about her Tinder matches being 60 year old men. I wondered if their post was even real. I've lied on the internet before. Nonetheless, I persisted and worked through all 500 followers. When I was done I had 312 followers left.

Post Blocking Spree Existential Crisis:

I know that all the blocking in the world can't stop a teenager who wants to read smut fanfic. I'm not much for posting on social media and I'm not used to a lot of anonymous interaction online. Honestly, I got rid of my SM accounts during college when I felt it was wasting my time. This is the first time I've really use a social media site to post content since college. My twitter account is unused, my Instagram is for close personal friends only, and my TikTok is for mindless consumption of cat videos. (I've trained the algorithm to feed me only cat videos, it's great and I highly recommend it.) I don't post on TikTok, so I don't consider it full use, just lurking.

Okay, Alice, get back to the point....

Right, being anonymous on social media. My blocks are a fence and it's based on self identification from the blogs that follow me. I have little faith in underage consumers to out themselves. I have even less faith in their honesty or respect for an adult's boundaries. They're at a stage in life where they want to push the boundaries. Telling them no is all but inviting them in. I did my blocking spree because I was worried about backlash from someone's parents. But what reasonable judge would come after a fanfic writer? Come on. Logical thoughts but me emotional distress was still brewing.

Why I am the one responsible for who clicks the follow button on my blog? I've always clearly identified what I write and tagged my work as smut.

That thought snapped me out of my whirlwind of anxious thoughts. So I started looking into the laws. My regular work involves medicine, not the legal profession, so I was lost. I found some state level laws that made me glad I'd gone on a blocking spree. California and Florida have specific language in their laws about 'providing minors with explicit content.' But what exactly is that? What I researched applied to the following activities: co-writing smut fanfic with other people, sexting, roleplaying and online messaging.

I run a fanfic blog with limited interaction. I've never done an ask. I don't roleplay on here and I don't want to.

The blocks weren't personal. They were partly based on the awareness that Tumblr is an interactive site and a place that's had a problem with child pornography in the past. But I'm not the smut police. I suck at blocking, and I doubt I did a good job of purging my followers list. This is when it hit me that boundaries are only what I can enforce. They've never been about how other people relate to me, only how I relate to them. (Wow. I've never sounded more like my mother in my life...) After this thought, I started considering what actions I ought to take if I wanted to keep posting fanfic on Tumblr.

My Post Blocking Spree Clarity...

It's up to me who I interact with. I don't have to reply to every comment and re-blog, but I'd like to. I'm stuck between wanting to write for everyone and handling interactions on a social media site that's mostly anonymous.

The fact remains: I can't be the smut police because I suck at it.

What I've decided is that I'll make it very clear on my blog that this is an 18+ space where I publish erotic fanfiction. Smut will always be appropriately marked. I'm not going to interact with reviews, re-blogs, and messages from accounts who don't have their age in their profile. I won't include them in my tag list either. The internet is a public forum. Just as with publishing erotica, once it's out there online for download, it's done. As a ghost writer and an author, I don't control who buys my original fiction, which is just as spicy as my fanfiction. (Trust me, it's explicit. I once had a romance editor tell me I should dial it back on the smutty parts of a novel because "it's a lot of sex for a non-erotica market.") The key difference on Tumblr is about interaction. And that's something I can control. I can decide when I reply to other users. What brought me around to this was the realization that even after the blocking spree, I can't review every single like I get. That's an amount of time and mental energy that's beyond me. Just the past two days have been exhausting and sapped my will to write. Which sucks because I need to go write the next chapter of "Restitution" before tomorrow.

I think the reasons I went on the blocking spree are nuanced. The thirteen year old freaked me out. So did the other underaged people who had ages in their bios. But it also relates to my work. In my job I've seen some nasty child abuse cases. Early on in my career, when I was a 23 year old new hire, I was working on an autopsy for a child abuse victim who'd been murdered by their parent. It was so terrible and graphic, I had to ask one of my older colleagues to take the case. This colleague didn't like me. But she took one look at my face and took the file. She closed out the review without a question and never brought it up again to anyone. I was very grateful. Where I used to work (and where this incident took place) was a major city that holds the unfortunate title of being the human trafficking capital of the US. And something I learned working there was that most human trafficking victims go with their captors willingly. In two years at that job, I never saw one who'd been kidnapped from a dark alley like you see on TV. They were all groomed on social media and thought they were escaping their families (who were often overbearing, toxic, or dysfunctional) for a get away with friends. It was a fun adventure with their internet buddies, until it wasn't.

In retrospect, the underage interaction I found on my blog made me react because of what I've been through. The autopsy case kept coming back to me today while I was at work and I've finally untangled my emotions enough to figure out what caused my melt down. When I was blocking, I was feeling an anxious motivation that I know can only stem from the stress I deal with at my job. Don't feel sorry for me about this - I know my work in medicine helps a lot of people and it's a tremendously satisfying career.

Our Saga's Resolution & How I'm Going to Deal With This In The Future...

- - - - -

In post block clarity, I offer this conclusion:

I'm writing on a public forum. My work is appropriately tagged as smut. In the future, I will also use the tag #no minors to help with filtering. I've always asked underage people not to interact. And on a public forum, what more can I reasonably do? Going forward I will only interact with those who have their age posted in their bio. But blocking sprees and policing every interaction isn't feasible.

I'll review how I'm going to run my tag lists as well. I need to think it over and let my followers know my decision as to if I'll continue using them. Because tagging is definitely interaction and my current tag list was not screened at all. *face palm*

Finally, to my readers who have blank blogs or don't have an age listed. I respect your right to privacy and I'm careful with my personal information as well. But I've also had an uncomfortable two days. If you've lasted through this venting session until now, you must understand that I'm upset by underage interaction. I'm setting my own boundaries and going forward, I'll own my side of the internet. No interaction from me, unless I know your age. Full stop - no exceptions. I think it is reasonable for me to suggest that you leave something on your blog that signifies you are not a minor, whatever that may be. Someone who I didn't block that stands out in my memory had a bio that said "90s baby." It was simple, direct, and left no doubt they were over 18. No age reveal and not even a name. If you put something like this on your blog it'll help explicit content creators feel more comfortable about their interactions.

I went on a spree this Monday and I admit to being heavy handed and aggressive about pruning followers. I had an emotional reaction due to work stress and I didn't think things through logically. I'm relieved for the chance explain myself and set new boundaries that I'm capable of sticking to in the future. But remember - the block button is on my side of the screen. At the end of the day, you might be unhappy with me for the block, but it's my button, it's my blog, and I'll use it as I see fit.

Thank you for reading.

[missmentelle]

Hi! I’m wondering if you can help me. The other day I messaged a user on anon, asking for help about something and they responded with “you realize I don’t know anything about *this* right? don’t ask me about something I know nothing about” and I responded back apologizing and saying I wouldn’t message them about that topic again (part 1).

and the user took a screenshot of that last sentence I responded with, and shared with their blog that i am using gaslighting and manipulative language and it honestly floored me. I am seeing a psychologist rn bc of abuse I suffered from my father as a child, so I know what gaslighting and manipulation is - but I cannot see how what I wrote is a form of that? I have been feeling so guilty for over a day now. I feel sick that maybe I am turning into my father. I’m really starting to question my behavior and choices, because I try so hard to live my life opposite of my abuser. Please help me, I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t have anyone else to turn to abut this. Thank you!

Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve had this experience. From the sounds of it, you didn’t do anything wrong - it’s totally reasonable to assume that a person who is open to anonymous messages doesn’t mind actually receiving anonymous messages, and it’s not manipulative to apologize when someone has made it seem like they are annoyed or offended by something you did. From the sounds of it, the other person has extremely low patience for other people, or simply enjoys “calling out” other people publicly whenever they get a chance to. There are people who get pleasure from that, and I’m afraid that this may have been a case of you simply being unlucky enough to message the wrong person. The vast majority of people are not annoyed by receiving off-topic messages - when I get an off-topic message, I’m just sorry that I can’t be helpful. I’m not annoyed with the person who sent it.  Unfortunately, this is one of the downsides of “therapy language” - terms like “gaslighting”, “abuser” and “narcissism” - becoming more familiar and widespread. It’s great when this language gives survivors the terminology they need to more accurately discuss their experiences, but it’s not so great when people start using this language to describe ordinary clashes and missteps in relationships. I’ve seen a lot of people use the term “gaslighting” to describe white lies or misunderstandings that absolutely did not fit the definition of gaslighting, and I have seen people rush to diagnose others with “narcissism” when they don’t actually know the person and have no qualifications to be making that kind of assessment. Not every unpleasant or awkward interaction is abusive, and I think the internet as a whole is really starting to lose sight of that. 

One of the biggest issues about those words being thrown around carelessly in general is that it disproportionately impacts people who struggle with social interactions - people with anxiety, autism, or a history of complex trauma. People who find that social cues don’t come naturally to them are more likely to accidentally push or cross boundaries without realizing it; most people don’t actually state their boundaries out loud in plain language, and count on other people noticing their negative reactions to figure out where their boundaries lie. When you can’t read social signals very easily, you’re more likely to miss those signals that boundaries are being crossed. As a person who has experienced complex trauma, there isn’t a whole lot you can do about that - you can definitely work on it as best you can in therapy or on your own, but at some point, other people also have a responsibility to be kind to others and to try to remember that the people they interact with may be dealing with things that they don’t know about. 

Mental health awareness is improving dramatically, but instead of making us more tolerant of people who struggle with social cues, it seems to be making us less tolerant. Even ten years ago, it seemed like attitudes were more along the lines of “Oh, Taylor isn’t so good with social stuff, they’ve been through a lot, you just need to remind them a couple times”, while it feels like today we’re seeing a lot more attitudes of “There’s no excuse for making any missteps, ever, I am not obligated to explain my boundaries to you and if you make a mistake you are toxic and I will cut you out of my life”. Obviously there are instances where people who struggle with social cues are genuinely abusive or manipulative, but it seems like we need to get a lot a lot better at striking a balance between “protecting ourselves” and “showing compassion and patience for people who struggle with things that we do not”. 

And of course, communicating online via text throws gasoline on the problem. When you communicate online, you don’t get to hear the person’s tone of voice or inflection. It’s very easy to assume the worst of someone, and it’s very easy to hit the “block” button. People never have to see the impact they have when they decide to publicly call someone else a “gaslighter”, and it’s very easy to throw around these kinds of accusations without ever being questioned for it.  I know that “just ignore it” is overly simplistic advice, but when someone is saying these kinds of things about you after a very brief online interaction, I do think it’s important to stop and think critically about whether their judgement of you is valid. If the roles were reversed, would you have been upset to receive the message you sent? Have you had similar issues in your real-life relationships? Do you have these sorts of interactions with other people on a regular basis? If the answer is “no”, it may be best to conclude that the other person was the one being unreasonable, and not give their judgement serious consideration.  Best of luck to you! MM 

[delcat177]

We DIDN’T Start the Fire: Introspective

I’m actually feeling a little more validated by every shitty message, as contrary as that seems. I really do care a lot about kids, I have a clutch of niblings in my chosen family, I plan on having tads myself someday, and more than that, I sincerely do believe that children deserve MUCH better protection online. Kids deserve best. That’s a tag, you can check it.

But back when I got called out, I was in a very vulnerable place, trying to figure out my own head, and despite having an absolutely inverse reaction to kids in any kind of intimate fashion (I mean, except familial I love you platonic...would you call it intimacy, making stegosaurus pancakes, Christmas morning, warmth is what that is I think I DIGRESS),,

It freaked me. They were saying the same horrible things about how my fiancé was gonna get hurt, kids were gonna get hurt, I was enabling rapists and pedophiles, I should go eat shit and die (from someone who told me they got horribly triggered by the phrase ‘eat shit’ and guilt-rolled me endlessly for it, at that).

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop checking myself going “am I being Bad, am I being Gross, oh no I can’t Netflix and chill because if I’m in my intimates and a kid shows up I am basically molesting that child”, like. It has been BAD. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to be mindful of what you do, the discomfort from seeing a kid on TV while I’m having a saucy couch day is genuine gross-out because it crosses wires I don’t want crossed, but it’s also only hurting me.

Last month I nailed down the realization proper, after talking with a good friend--like the religious paranoid who is constantly vigilant and terrified by intrusive thoughts of blasphemy, or the parent paranoid who is constantly vigilant and terrified by intrusive thoughts of killing their new infant, I had developed into a prospective-being-around-kids-person who was constantly vigilant and terrified by intrusive thoughts of “if I am a sexual being in the same universe as a child it will hurt them”.

Hashtag actually OCD.

I used to be the religious paranoid. The idea of Doing The Worst Thing is so gut-wrenchingly disturbing that you can’t block the idea out, and if you don’t realize that mechanism, that it IS the Worst Thing, you turn into a mess of WHY DO I THINK SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS (for reference, this is not thinking about children sexually in any way, which would be the actual worst thing, but, again, my private adult sexuality somehow harming children who aren’t even present in the same state as me, who have no idea I even exist). It was the same damned song and dance as when I used to pray nonstop because I thought I would go to Hell otherwise.

I genuinely only realized this in mmmmmmmMarch

so it’s actually really timely to be bombarded by actual kids in my inbox and going “oh, yeah, no, all I want to do here is shoo them off so they don’t read my bondage fics”. I don’t want to interact with them. I definitely don’t want to *interact* with them. I just want them safe.

It’s been a very freeing realization, that I’ve been stuck with policing myself militantly when I believe in neither of those institutions and that there is absolutely no way I’m harming anyone by thinking about smooching while watching Stranger Things, even if the true object of my heart is only onscreen sometimes...

(doki doki Demo <333) (”stop having feelings for monsters”) (HARKNESS TEST MY DUDE)

...because I am not a pedophile. I have no interest in children. I have so un-interest in children that I’m haunted by the idea of GETTING an interest in children, which is just not how it works. I don’t feel sexy when the kids are onscreen, I feel YEAH YEAH YOU GO GUYS GET ‘EM Dustin you’re my favorite don’t tell the others. I want to give them big bags of quarters for the arcade and maybe while they’re gone see about romancing an eldritch abomination. THAT is what I am about at my core.

Honestly? I don’t think I even want real-world sex. With anyone. For now, at least, I would have to go through some very deep and targeted therapy to up my self-indulgent...self-indulgence to include another person because of how I was traumatized, and a spotter for anxiety attacks. I don’t know if it’s entirely out of the question, but it’s not a question I’m asking. People think sex is the biggest thing out there. It ent. It’s a hobby. A fun one, for me, alone, solo. I’m good. I’m covered.

So here we are, landed in the worst case scenario--kids coming into my private space--and I didn’t even think of harming any of them, because of course I wouldn’t, why did I think I ever would?

If there’s a moral here, it’s even if you think your OCD is under control, you should always be aware of your inclinations towards your particular brand of obsession and compulsion, know how to deal with intrusive thoughts and habits, and don’t let people convince you you’re what you absolutely aren’t because they hate your guts and slash or they’re bored.

can we please put this in a time capsule and send it back to when I needed it in 2015

no?

FINE I’ll just live my best life jeez

(demmy-san, won’t you help me dust the shelves? You’re so big and strong, and I just can’t reach~) (”you are impossible”) (damned straight I am)

[firelord-frowny]

I’m just Awake and thinking about stuff, and thinking about ~ghosting~ in particular, and like, how it’s Frowned Upon, and like 

i think there’s only one person that i’ve ever just straight up ghosted, but i think the circumstnaces warranted it??

When I was like 14ish, I somehow reconnected with an acquaintence from middle school. He was, I think, 2ish years older than me. No biggie. Then through him, I met one of his friends, who was 3ish years older than him. So, I’m this wee little 14 year old, and this dude is a whole 19 years old. 

But I’m a dummy little child, so I get this silly little crush on him. 

We become friends over the course of a year. We meet up and hang out, and he keeps finding excuses to just... hug me a lot. And I thought it was weird, but again, I had a crush on him, so I’m like, ok! This is fine, I guess!

Shortly after this, as we’re talking online, he starts saying all this stuff about being in love with me and that he ~thinks we were meant for each other.~ 

This was also right around the time that I’d finally begun processing the fact that I was sexually preyed upon by a jackass 18 year old when I was 13. So like... despite my crush on this dude, I was now aware that the age gap was inappropriate. So I kinda just rebuffed him. 

But he pushed the issue and insisted that he would ~always be around for me~ or whatever. 

I finally finished high school at 16, started college a couple months later at 17. 

This dude continues to message me and call me despite my distancing myself from him. A more mature version of me would have just told him straight up that I was uncomfortable with him due to the fact that he, at the ripe old age of 20, tried to get me to be in a relationship with him when I was only 15. But I wasn’t a more mature version of me - I was a frightened 17 year old version of me. 

He would call me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. multiple times a day. Sometimes I would answer, but not usually, and when I did answer, I was terse - sorry, can’t talk long, sorry, i’m studying, sorry, i have an exam in a few minutes, blah blah, excuse excuse. 

And then one day I get a call from a random-ass number, and I answer it, and it’s him! And I realized that he had called me from a different number specifically because I hadn’t been consistently answering his real number. And that was the moment that finally caused me to just shut down on him entirely, and without explanation. 

I blocked his regular number, and the new number he called me from. 

And then over the course of the next few YEARS, every now and then, I’d get a call from a strange number, and I’d answer it, and it was him. And I’d add it to the blocked numbers. He probably called me from like 15 different numbers. 

He’d also contact me via facebook, even though I never replied (I always keep my ~read receipts turnred off). I blocked him a few times, and he made new accounts. 

And like... this man has attempted to contact me as recently as like a year and a half ago. 

And like. In fairness, I GUESS it’s not unreasonable to expect that if someone doesn’t want you to talk to them, then they would just say that rather than duck you and dodge you for years. 

But also??? The fact that he was a grown ass adult who tried to lure my 15 year old ass into a relationship with him kinda makes me feel like he wasn’t entitled to an explanation. Especially not way back then. Maybe now I could, if I felt safe enough to do so, respond to him next time and tell him that I cut him off because I was uncomfortable with how he pursued me when I was a child, and that I have no interest in knowing him at all whatsoever. 

Buuuut I’m not gonna do that, bc tbh, I don’t know what kind of person keeps messaging “hey, long time no talk! how goes it? 😛" to someone who literally has not responded to them in a literal decade, and just the fact that he kept dodging my attempts to make myself inaccessible to him feels so predatory to me. Like, if he’s changing his number and making new facebook profiles, clearly he knows that I’m specifically choosing to avoid him. And if you KNOW somebody is trying to stay away from you... why would you keep trying to get to them?? And like... if you are going to keep trying to get to them, shouldn’t you approach them with something like “have i done anything wrong?” instead of just “how goes it?” Just... why would you want to pursue someone who is clearly running the fuck away from you???

[cherryhanji]

another day

oneshot. han x reader

genre: drama, super duper angsty, a little fluff at the end

words: 1.9k

warning(s): slight mentions of depressing thoughts, lonely reader (yeah, another day by jisung is quite a sad song for me, anyways, stream their latest album, go live!) (i really felt sad when writing this. But I hope u like it!)

Another day full of dejection. You got home early from your work after being scolded by your manager because of messing up in the cashier a while ago. You haven't started anything for your thesis. You just can't find the courage to do it.

Lots of problems keep on rushing to you. There's your landlady who keeps on knocking at your door asking for your two-month payment for your rent. The payment for the next semester. Money isn't only your enemy. But yourself too. You wanted to do a lot of things. But it feels like there's something that's keeping you away from doing it. It got slumped the most when the person you trust the most, left you in the middle of the battle. No words, just left you on the way. Jisung was your savior, your knight in shining armor, the man that keeps you from standing and fighting all the struggles that you face every day. Ever since you two split up, you feel like there's no reason for fighting anymore. There's a time that you just want to end it all. All of the pain, the loneliness that you feel. It almost got the best of you. Pressure from college, expectation from your parents whom you have to prove that you can be independent. Jisung leaving you. Luckily, your friends are still there. But they are also busy since all of you will graduate this year. You can't risk bothering them just to rant about your sulky and shitty day in school and work.

You opened your second hand refrigerator only to find out that you didn't have stocks anymore. Only bottles of water and a pack of instant ramen. You sighed and grabbed your only food for tonight. You decided to open your Spotify playlist to soothe your sullen feelings and to calm your mind.

You silently eat your ramen while scrolling through your phone. You got a notification from your online bank noting that you already received your salary for the past two months. Your face brightened at the thought. The salary is good enough(?) you think about your daily needs and for the rent. It just got delayed for two months because of the cafe's renovation. Lucky you, your salary for tutoring a kid from your neighborhood helped you for the past two months just to buy your food and stocks and some expenses on school.

After eating, you decided to give yourself a warm bath after work. You still don't have classes tomorrow and it's also your rest day from your work. However, after taking a shower, the doorbell rang stopping you from drying your hair. You checked the time, it's almost 10:30 in the evening. Just who the hell will visit you at this hour?

"Wait a minute!" You shouted from your bedroom and went to the door almost stumbling while wearing your slippers.

"Who is I-- Alexa? It's 10:30 already?" Alexa, your cousin, also your childhood friend visited.

"Oh hello to you too, dear. " she jokingly rolled her eyes at you and showed you the paper bags she brought.

"Anyways, I brought you some food and stuff cause I know how broke you are." She chirped showing you some of your favorite foods. You welcomed her inside and closed the door.

"How's my beautiful cousin? Is auntie still not talking to you?" She asked as she slumped on the sofa.

You sighed at her question. "Nothing changed, Lexie, she's still upset at me. And I got scolded by my manager earlier. Argh, it's my fault at all. I'm not with myself, It feels like my soul and sanity left me awhile ago. But something good happened, anyways. I got my salary for the last two months! I'm not broke as fuck. But I have to pay my rent. The noisy landlady keeps on bothering me. Arrgh" you said and drank some yogurt. It's been a while ever since you got to drink this yogurt again.

"Are you okay?" You looked at Alexa shocked with the sudden seriousness. You kept silent for a while before answering.

"To be honest, I'm not. It feels like the whole world already turned its back on me. I really want to do things. But I feel like there's no enough energy and motivation for me to do it."

"Is it because of Jisung?" You froze at the mention of his name. Yes, it is. You still can't move on. It's because you really don't know what happened why he suddenly left you. You should hate him for it. but you just couldn't. You slowly nod at your cousin. You heard your cousin sigh.

"Did you talk to him? You're attending the same university with him, right? Don't tell me he's avoiding you?"

"Yes, we attend the same university. But he's majoring in music, remember? I'm majoring in Psychology. So it means, we are not in the same building. And I bet he's doing all his might to avoid me." You blurted out.

"You're a hopeless case, dear," Alexa said

"I know.." you whispered.

"But, this is just an advice. If you have the courage, try to talk it out with him. You guys don't have the closure you need. Did you block each other's contact?" You shook your head.

"I didn't block his contact. And luckily, he didn't block mine too. It's just that he doesn't answer my calls. Maybe I need to talk to him in person. I just need to wait for the right time." You're determined. You just want to talk to him. Four months? Four months of not talking to him. Maybe you just need to wait a little time to talk to him.

"Yes, that's the spirit. Just remember dear, if you need something, you know you can call your gorgeous cousin." She said and winked at you. You just chuckled at her childishness.

You missed him, a lot. His smiles, his sweet voice, you missed everything about him. Up until now, you still don't know what happened to your relationship.

You wake up with a feeling of calmness after the talk you had with your cousin last night. With nothing left to do today, you decided to buy some groceries.

A calm and delightful night, Jisung playing his guitar and singing for you while you happily listen to his sweet and calm voice. You just love how he sings his heart out, you can feel the emotions as he sings.

Jisung put his guitar at the side and held your hand.

"I love you, y/n. to the moon and back. No one can replace you. We'll never let go of each other, okay? Whatever happens, we'll never leave each other." He said and kissed your hand.

"Thank you for being with me, Sungie. Even though I'm a problematic shit. You're always there for me. And I promise I'll never leave you too. I love you." You said and hugged him. He kissed the top of your head and swayed you as he hums a song.

—————

You grab a cup of coffee at the cafe near the supermarket. You take a look at the people passing by the cafe. Why does it look like they're so happy with their life? Do they have any problems at all? It seems like you're the only one who has a lot of problems. Or maybe you still don't know how to sort it all out?

While still being entertained by the walking people outside, someone cleared their throat. You suddenly turn your head to the person. You're shocked to see the person in front of you. There it goes again, the fast heartbeat, the erratic breathing as if he took your breath away. The feeling of hoping he'll stay with you again.

"J-jisung..." You called the person in front of you, almost a whisper.

"Y/N... It's.. It's good to see you here.. Can I occupy the seat?" You just nod at him. You still can't find the right words on how to answer him.

"Uhm, I shouldn't be asking this, but How are you? " he said and scratched the back of his neck. This is it. It's the right time to talk to him. Fate does its way to help you. But you can't still form any words to say to him.

"Uh, I see. Look, I'm... I'm really sorry. I mean it. I know I deserve all the hate you have for me. But can you let me explain, please.?" You just nod at him. Maybe it's good if you hear his side first.

"First of all, I'm really, really sorry for leaving you without any word. You know I love you. But you know what's my dream right? I really love to sing. So there's this agency that casted me and offered me training to debut as an artist. But the contract says there is a dating ban. I- I don't know what will I do. At first, I'm contemplating. It's hard. I love you, but I also have a dream. But I need to let go of the other to achieve one. And I'm really sorry that I sacrificed you over my dream. I'm really sorry, y/n. you can hate me. You can slap me, anything you want. I know I deserve it for leaving you." He grabbed your hand and lowered his head. You got shocked at his explanation. You're well aware of his dream of being a singer and an artist. He told you ever since he was a child, he dreams of being one. You clearly see his passion for music. That's why you understand his reason.

"But... but why didn't you talk about it with me?" You asked him.

"I'm scared. I don't know why. Maybe the thought of letting you go hurts me. I thought that not letting you know can help me. But it did nothing. I have trouble sleeping at night, knowing that you're hurting, too. I promised you I'll never let you go, but here I am, leaving you clueless as to why I left." You can feel the sadness and hurt in his voice. You really loved this man. You can't find any reason to hate him, to get mad at him. You reached out to him and caressed his fluffy cheeks.

"I understand now, Sungie." He raised his head at the nickname, that nickname you used to call him. Hearing it again makes him giddy.

"I know it's your dream. Your dream came first before me, and I don't have any right to stop you from achieving it. I'm just hurt because you left me with no word. But don't worry, I'll be okay. I love you, you know that. And I'll support you always. Be good. So that you can debut soon. And if that happens, I'll be your number one gorgeous fan." You smiled at him and held his hand. He squeezed it and smiled at you.

"Thank you, for being strong. Y/N. we can still be friends if that's okay with you. You can still love me, And I will love you. " he said. You nod at him. Hearing all the closure you two needed, a big weight just got lifted off your shoulder. Being friends with your ex doesn't hurt, right? You just need to be mature with each other. You just need to accept your fate with him.

[purplesurveys]

1106

survey by mickey-mouse

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? I haven’t been feeling that way towards anyone, be it from real life or someone on the internet or a celebrity, for a while.

Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? I’ll try to drink some of it, since I do think milk tastes nice haha, but I keep it in moderation so that my stomach won’t end up being too upset.

Have you ever kissed anybody accidentally? Oh wow, how does this even happen? Hahaha but no I haven’t.

Who was the first person to wish you a Merry Christmas last year? Most likely a family member. My friends and I usually greet each other late into the evening.

Do you think it'll be the same person this year? It will probably be family again, yeah. I just can’t tell which one would be first.

Is your display picture in black and white? None of my profile photos on all social media are.

Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? I don’t think so. I have some friends who met their SOs through dating apps, but I think all of them have since seen each other in person. I’m not sure I know of anyone whose relationship has been entirely online/virtual so far.

What food are you always in the mood for? No matter how full I am, I will always take a slice of pizza or two if it’s ever served at a table. That or chicken wings or spicy tuna salad.

When was the last time you played Guitar Hero? Safe to say more than a decade ago. I had always preferred Rock Band since I found it more fun that switching instruments was a main part of its gameplay, whereas you were stuck with the guitar on Guitar Hero.

What friend could buy clothes for you and not have to worry what they bought? Angela. We have nearly the same sense of style and we find the same things cute, so if I ever had to make a friend control my wardrobe for the day I will likely trust her the most.

1 thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: I don’t have a guy best friend. Hans is my closest friend of the opposite sex; while I don’t think he dislikes anything about me, I’m sure he thinks I’ve acted dumb about love and relationships many times before. Which is fine, we’re very honest and blunt about those things and I actually appreciate it when he gets brutally honest with me.

How about your girl best friend? Again, I don’t know if Angela doesn’t like a certain trait of mine but she’s well aware of my past stupid decisions i.e. staying in a harmful relationship.

Do you loan your friends money? No, but I’m ready to lend to my closest friends should they ever be in need.

Are Lucky Charms really magically delicious? I dunno, I’ve never tried.

When was the last time you had Lucky Charms anyway? See above.

Who is the last person you called long distance? I don’t do video calls with friends living in other countries, mainly because I’ve grown apart from them haha. My mom will sometimes start calls with relatives living abroad though; I believe the most recent one was a group video call with my dad’s side of the family, which included an uncle who lives in New York.

Do you sleep with a nightlight? No; I would find this too distracting and bright.

Is Lil Wayne really the best rapper alive? I never thought he was one of the best to begin with. Some of the songs he’s featured in are fine but I don’t like his slurred style of rapping very much.

What is the first text in your inbox? Like...the very first one in my inbox? I scrolled all the way down and it’s from Frances - an orgmate who has since disappeared off the face of the earth and blocked all her friends on social media lmao - asking about an org-related thing three years ago. Wherever she is, I hope she’s doing okay.

Are you taller than your siblings? I am the eldest yet smallest child in the family. My relatives get a kick out of it, which is fine because I do too HAHA

What are the first letters of your friends first names on your top 8? Myspace? Was never active on it.

When was the last time you almost cried from laughing? I can’t pinpoint an exact moment for you but this happens a lot when I watch 2 Days 1 Night, so this has probs happened recently.

Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Not with me as the subject – I’m very camera shy and turn into an awkward stick once I’m asked to pose. But I love taking photos of loved ones, especially an SO.

Are you generous? To a fault.

Are you excited for Thanksgiving this year? I don’t celebrate that.

Are you excited for Thanksgiving ANY year? Yeah, I still don’t celebrate that.

Any plans for the weekend? I had plans to start a new series and spend a lazy day watching YouTube videos, but we haven’t had internet all day today and it’s felt quite deflating to have the first day of my weekend taken away from me. I’ve been running on data which is...fine, I guess, but I can’t use too much if I don’t want to keep paying for it. That said I’ve only been able to do surveys and stream music today. For tomorrow, I wanna go to a coffee shop and perhaps even treat myself to ramen because I’ve been craving.

Do you lay your clothes out the day before? Before Covid happened I planned out my clothes the night before, but I didn’t lay them out.

Who was the last person you bought a gift for? Andi; got them a dress and a skirt.

What was the last song you had stuck in your head? My Limb has been repeatedly playing in my head all day.

Are you ignoring anybody currently? Not ignoring, more of I’ve already given up on them.

Do you curse at your parents in a different language? I don’t curse at my parents in any language, lmfao.

Do you get the mailman a Christmas gift every year? We don’t have mailmen, buuuuut the maintenance staff in my village (trash collectors, security guards, those in charge of trimming the grass, etc) will usually hand each household an envelope in time for Christmas. My family and I help them out and place a certain amount in all envelopes.

Are you afraid of lizards? They are very common visitors in homes here so no I’m mostly not. They move very fast and get freaked out when they see humans though, so sometimes I’ll be shocked by them suddenly scurrying away.

How legible is your signature? I don’t make it legible at all so that it’s difficult to replicate. I actually get a lot of comments on it because my signature is mostly a lazy scribble and I don’t actually spell out any part of my name, which exactly fulfills my goal of making it hard to copy.

Do you think anybody else has a bedroom EXACTLY like yours? I actually live in a neighborhood where the houses are the same models, so I can confidently tell you that there are around 10-20 bedrooms that look similar to mine. But as for being styled and furnished exactly like mine, I doubt it.

How hot are your neighbors? Lol uh I don’t pay attention to this particular trait. All my neighbors are your typical suburban families with young kids, anyway.

Do you have pictures of clouds on your cell phone? A lot. I like looking up at the sky from time to time.

Do you send compliments through text message? Sure, when it’s appropriate and only with close friends.

Do/did your high school theme colors match? I never thought they didn’t go well together, that much I can say.

Do you own any Nike shoes? Several.

Have you ever rode in a VW Bug? Never.

How about a Mini Cooper? Never have, would absolutely love to.

What was the last fast food place you got food from? Yellow Cab. I got two pizzas and pasta for my family.

When you invite people to your house do you usually hang out in your room? I never invite people to my house because it’s too far compared to where most of my friends live, and it would only be a big hassle for everyone. As for my room, the only people who’ve been in it are Gabie and Angela/Hans, the latter only once.

Have you ever seen your crush/current bf/gf cry? I don’t have any of these.

Do you own any Spongebob merchandise? I’m pretty sure we have a Patrick plushie we continue to keep around.

Do you have any food traditions with any of your friends? My orgmates and I frequented a certain bar near our university; we went there whether it was to celebrate the end of an exam-filled week, or if we simply wanted to spend an ordinary Thursday with a few drinks. A few months ago they were in danger of closing because of the pandemic, but I hope life has been kinder to them recently.

Do you like Gwen Stefani? Erm, not particularly. Some songs of her I like, but I’m not a passionate fan.

Do you know anybody with a thick Jamaican accent? No.

Are you closer to your mom’s side of the family or your dad’s? Mom’s. Aside from being able to see them more often, our humor is also similar.

Have you ever been to a haunted house? I’ve stared at one, but never gone inside haha.

Yes or no: red eyeliner? Do whatever you want with your face and makeup, man.

Yes or no: red lipstick? ^ Still applies.

Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No.

Do you wear holiday themed clothing? I don’t think I own any, so no.

At 6:00 tomorrow night where do you think you’ll be? On my way home, or preparing to head home, I hope.

Is it night or day right now? Evening.

What time did you get up today? Like 5:30. I fell asleep on the rooftop and got to see the pretty sunrise and the sky gradually change colors :)

[emilywhite1999]

WE ARE FUCKED! Read The Facts Before You Call Me A Criminal

WE DESERVE THE TRUTH

People have been blinded. Blinded from the facts, the information and knowledge necessary to bring us all together to fix the biggest problem humanity has ever faced. If we do not act immediately the world we live in now will be a very different one in the years to come. We as a human race could be extinct before we know it. You may think I am being a little dramatic but I can assure you that is not the case once the facts are presented. Why have I not read these facts you may ask? Well that’s because our government doesn’t want us to be able to read the full story and know the truth. Boris Johnson claims we have a free press yet it is owned by billionaires. The press could bring us all together to fight the climate and ecological emergency yet they sell easy stories to bring about confusion while pretending to be the voice of the British public. They report on the consequences but not the underlying causes. Extinction Rebellion are only asking the press to do what they already claim to do and that is Tell The Truth! 

(’Are Humans Next On The Endangered Species List’ Photo via Instagram @emilywhite1999)

WE ARE NOT ALL JOBLESS

I have only been part of Extinction Rebellion for 2 months and the reason for that is because I was not aware of this huge problem we face! I had been blinded myself but as I began to read the facts and the stories from young people my own age, who had dropped out of university to help this cause, I felt compelled to do my part. The reason some of the younger members of Extinction Rebellion (XR) decided to drop their university degree is because they realized the jobs they were working towards wouldn’t be there much longer if they didn’t help save the planet. There is nowhere to work on a dead planet. In XR there are doctors who are trying to make people aware that more people die every year from climate change related issues compared to any other cause. Scientists speak at our demonstrations to speak the facts that don’t get publicized enough. Mothers and fathers come to protest for the future of their children and their future grandchildren. Yesterday at the London protest there was a march for the Indigenous women of the Amazonia because their home, the Amazon rainforest, is being lost due to climate change and us as humans destroying it. So many people of all ages and walks of life come to XR protests because they know the truth and they refuse to sit and do nothing about it. I saw online a lot of people commenting on social media that we must all be work shy clowns and that we need to go get jobs. Most people in XR do have jobs, my parents for one. They have been working their whole lives while supporting Extinction Rebellion on the side. A lot of people give up their spare time for XR actions because they know the urgency this matter demands. 

(My beautiful mum at the protest this week! Photo via Instagram @del_photos)

WE AREN’T THE BAD GUYS

In the press over the past few days Extinction Rebellion has been labelled as an organised crime group which is totally unfair on the thousands of ordinary citizens who support it and its cause. We are peaceful protesters who are using the laws regarding protesting to get our message across. We have also been accused as a group of giving Covid-19 to the police who don’t all wear face masks or social distance while we all try to. We have been targeted by the press to look like the ‘bad guys’ to hide their own mistakes and the mistakes of the government. I have so much respect for the police and would never do anything I thought was morally wrong or breaking the law. It is clear at the protests this week the police are being used to clear up the governments mess which is not right. They have denied food and water to protesters in trees (which is a human right) and cleared us in some areas because of covid but allowed us in other areas. They seem to just being using the best excuse at the time to get rid of us. Just the other day they blocked bike riders on a bridge and gave no warning of arrest but told everyone there they were going to be arrested. Under law they are not actually allowed to do that but they did all to stop our message getting across. The press once again in this situation made us look like the ‘bad guys’ by reporting that we prevented an ambulance getting to its destination which was not the case. The rebel riders did not block the road in this case, the police did for no real justified reason but the press didn’t tell you that did they?

I DIDN’T BLOCK A ROAD FOR THE REASON YOU THINK

I did find myself helping block some of the roads in London this week but I will tell you why because a lot of people moaned about the disruption we caused. The reason I personally blocked the road was because I wanted to help raise awareness of the situation we face. The situation is we are heading towards mass extinction. If we carry on with our lives the way we are like the public was trying to do on that day it is a certainty that we will be extinct before we know it. I wanted to help show that by acting now we can bring about great change. I wanted to help try and get the media attention to try and just get some of the truth out there so people can see it for themselves. We wanted to get your attention as well to show you the truth because we all deserve the truth. A few days of disruption is nothing in comparison to what will happen if nothing changes. 

(Photo via Instagram @emilywhite1999)

THE FACTS

Our climate is changing faster than it ever has for at least 65 million years. Closer to 252 million. We as humans are responsible for this because we are ignoring the signs and the science. Governments have refused to take the positive action within their power allowing relentless consumerism and irresponsible industry to pillage and pollute our only home. The science is hard to hear, horrifying in fact. There has been an average of 60% decline in wildlife populations in just 50 years. The insects that pollinate our planets are dying. No pollination means no food. The birds that protect our crops from pests are dying. This means an increase in the risk of famine and disease. Our oceans are heating up which is killing the coral supporting 1/4 of all ocean species further destabilizing all life on earth. This is not science fiction it is happening right now. Governments and Industry are not acting fast enough to safe guard our future. Sea levels are rising faster than scientists first predicted meaning our sea side towns will start to disappear soon. More pandemics are also likely to happen due to climate change because an unhealthy planet means unhealthy animals. 

(Photo by John Keeble at gettyimages)

THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO LISTEN 

XR last year demanded that the government acknowledged the emergency that we face. They did as they declared a climate and ecological emergency but said they will not act until 2050. That is far too late. The point is to act now if we are to stand any chance of changing the course we are currently set for. This year we are demanding the passing of the CEE bill to end decades of inaction. If it is passed it will make new UK law so that we have to take responsibility for our entire carbon footprint and protect nature which our very lives depend upon. It will draw together ordinary people in an emergency Citizen’s Assembly to find a way out of the worst crisis we have ever faced. On Wednesday the bill was taken into parliament and only 21 out of 650 MPs supported it. They kicked it down the line for another 6 months again prolonging the process and putting off what needs to be done. This is a government that declared an emergency but now will not act on it. 

(At XRSouthend ‘Tell The Truth’ banner drop. Photo by Gaz De Vere)

TREES

There is a great solution to this huge problem that we face. There is a magic machine that sucks carbon out of the air, costs very little and builds itself. It’s called a tree. A tree is an example of a natural climate solution. We have to restore what we have destroyed to try and balance our earth again. Other solutions alongside this would be needed but this is one of the best ones. That is why we have people at HS2 camps in the trees there as we speak. HS2 is the high speed railway the government is building using taxpayers money. Nobody asked for it and nobody is asking about it. To build this railway hundreds of ancient woodlands are being destroyed killing animal habitats in the process. This is a great example of how we are destroying our planet rather than helping it. That money could be better spent trying to fix our problem not make it worse. 

(Photo via Instagram @artbyemily1999)

SUPPORT FROM CELEBS

Celebrities like Harrison Ford, David Attenborough and Stephen Fry have been trying to help warn us of what is to come. They tell us to not loose hope and to not give up when fighting for the future of humanity. We must not forget nature. The destruction of nature accounts for more global emissions than all the cars and trucks in the world. If we can’t protect nature we can’t protect ourselves. Powerful or powerless, we will all suffer the effects of climate change. Those least responsible will bear the greatest costs. 

ACT NOW OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE

Extinction Rebellion aims to bring about the changes needed to fix the problem we face. Whether you agree with how we do this or not is up to you and I respect others and their opinions also. I’m sure you can not deny though that the changes we demand need to happen. Doing something is better than doing nothing. When I have a child one day I don’t want my child to be brought into a world that is doomed. Where they may have to fight for each meal, where they don’t get to see and appreciate the beauty of nature and its animals. We have become too busy and distracted looking at our screens, sucked into fake news and jobs that take over our lives that we have forgotten to look at the truth that is right in front of us. It is time to step outside and bring about the change you want to see in the world. Covid did not stop me stepping outside and protesting because if I don’t protest now the climate emergency will only bring about more pandemics. There is no better time than now.

(Credit to Extinction Rebellion science sources, YouTube and Twitter where I gathered some of my information and words from)

(Photo via Instagram @emilywhite1999)

[xsteriism]

The Aftermath

73 Questions Continued

by celestial-irondad

2, 681 words 

——

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tagging: @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad @hollandrecs @snowflakeparker​ @peterparkerspidgeons​ @illegalchandler​ @jaijaiwriter​

——

Breaking News: Tony Stark has a kid? Click here to read—

Mystery Stark child seen in recent vogue interview—

Former Playboy, Tony Stark— with child?

——

Peter was bunched up in his thickest hoodie and most comfortable sweatpants he owned. Sunglasses on and hood up, Peter walked down the hallways of Midtown High School. He looked like a fashion disaster, and it doesn’t help him hide from the stares of his fellow schoolmates. 

“Dude, you look a mess.” It’s the first thing Ned said as soon as he sees Peter, bunched up like it’s in the middle of winter. 

Peter hummed his wordless response, taking his sunglasses off, tucking it safely into his bag. “Did you see the news?”

His best friend rolled his eyes. “Like you have to ask. Mr. Stark’s son? What?”

The vigilante winced, making panicked motions to lower Ned’s voice. He looked around the hallway, and hopes it’s his imagination that the other students are looking— staring at him. 

“I don’t know, man,” Peter all but whimpered, running his fingers through his messy brown hair. “I just found out this morning.”

Ned rolled his eyes yet again. “It’s the interview you crashed, bro. How did you even do that? How did you not notice a huge camera following you everywhere?”

Peter wanted to bury his head in soil. “I don’t know, man. I was sleep-deprived and tired and hungry and everything in between. It didn’t even click in my head that Mr. Stark was being interviewed until Pepper walked in, and even then my thoughts were still muddled.”

His best friend nodded along sympathetically like he understood, biting his lip to keep his laughter in. “You’re the smartest idiot I know.”

The teen groaned, burying his head in his hands. If he couldn’t bury his head in soil, his hands were the next best thing. Ned doesn’t help his crisis as he shows Peter all the articles claiming that Peter was Mr. Stark’s son. There was no possible way that the other kids at school hasn’t seen at least one of these and it’s making the vigilante anxious. 

As the turned into their classroom, Peter’s spidey-sense tingles before he’s pulled back by the hood and slammed into a nearby wall. Peter hopes he didn’t dent or break the weak material of the wall. The teen looked up to the sight of Flash’s face, red with anger. 

“Tony Stark’s son? Who do you think you are?” Flash sneered, “Are you that desperate for attention that you’ll lie on the internet? We all know your parents are dead.”

Peter flinched, the attack so uncalled for he has no time to prepare an appropriate response. Bringing up his parents was a low blow, and everyone knew that. 

“Uh— realistically, I don’t have the resources or money to bribe or buy all those news articles,” Peter schooled his expression to not reveal any more than he already has. He knows Flash is insecure, rash and reckless, but he has no right talking about his parents the way he does. 

Flash shouts his frustration, shoving Peter further back into the wall. The bell rings, the crowd thins and Peter stumbles into his class with Ned asking if he’s okay. 

——

Lunch is not any better, with all the intrusive stares on Peter’s back. MJ and Ned doesn't seem to notice, both doing whatever it is that they do. The teen tries to refocus his attention back to his food, tries to block his anxiety from getting the best of him. 

Then, a girl with blonde hair walks up to their table, smile big and teeth bright as she smiles. “Hi, Pete! You were really cool in that interview, even if you crashed it.” Her laugh, fake and obnoxious, makes MJ cringe, while Peter has to take some time to reboot his brain to form a proper response. “Uh, thanks? I didn’t even know I crashed it until I saw the video for myself.”

Stupid Peter, why did he tell her that? He tries to not notice that the stares are getting more intense. 

“I’m—”

“Nobody cares,” MJ interrupted, waving her hand flippantly like she was physically trying to remove the girl from her sight. Peter had no idea if he should be grateful for MJ or sorry for the girl. 

This was no doubt humiliating for the girl, but Peter’s happy he doesn’t have to deal with her anymore. She stomped away, huffing her contempt as she rejoined her own group of friends. Peter shoots a grateful glance to MJ, who doesn’t even acknowledge it. 

——

Tony winced as he read the headlines F.R.I.D.A.Y showed. He’s definitely sure that Peter has seen these articles, because they were all over the internet. The engineer hasn’t entered his social media accounts yet, but he’s sure there’s some hashtag trending. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y honey,” Tony sighed, swiping the holograms away. “Has Pepper called yet?”

“Ms. Potts is currently getting the PR team to deal with this, she will be calling shortly.”

He pulled up his twitter and his prediction is correct, #TonyIsSuchADad is trending along with some others. He scrolled through some, smiling at all the GIFs of Peter and himself being domestic. Then he shakes his head to rid himself of the thought; he’s supposed to curb these rumours, not smile like a fool at them. 

True to F.R.I.D.A.Y’s prediction, Pepper calls Tony just as he’s entering Instagram. “Tony, I need you to—”

“Yeah, I see it. I see them. What do you need me to do?” He jumped straight to the point, hoping Peter isn’t having too much trouble in school. “I can release a statement, go on TV, whatever you want.”

Pepper laughed and Tony can already imagine the crinkles by her eyes. “Normally, I have to kill before you even consider going on TV, and now since the kid’s involved, you’re offering to go on TV?” 

The genius rolled his eyes, starting to pace a little in his lab. “The kid doesn’t want the attention on him, Pep, I have to fix this.”

“Okay, I’m arranging a press conference as we speak. They’ll arrive tomorrow and you can clear this up,” Pepper sighed and Tony can hear the click click of her heels as she walked. 

Tony can feel his body relaxing, smiling as he thanked Pepper before hanging up. Just as he was going back to work, F.R.I.D.A.Y alerts him of a phone call from Ned. The billionaire frowned, because why on earth would Peter’s friend call during school?

“Mr. Stark, oh my god you picked up, wow I wasn’t expecting that,” Ned rambled as soon as Tony accepts the call. Tony’s anxiety is rising as the teen rambles, not getting to the point of his call soon enough. 

“Ted,” he interrupted, “what’s going on?”

There’s silence on the other line, then murmuring, before Ned chuckled nervously. “Uh— ha, you see, Peter’s kind of having sensory overload and—”

“I’m on my way, get him somewhere quiet.”

——

Peter genuinely thought he would be able to get through the day without any incidents, but he should’ve known that it was wishful thinking, because now he’s having a killer headache. It started with a nudge here, a casual touch there, and suddenly Peter’s the most popular kid around. It was no wonder he was feeling a little too much a little too fast. 

He’s surrounded by a small crowd of people pretending to be concerned, asking annoying questions like are you okay?

Yes, he’s on the ground, crying in pain and he’s okay.

The overwhelmed teen is willing to dive into mud if he can escape his oncoming sensory overload. He’s vaguely aware of Ned calling Mr. Stark despite his protests, and being guided to the nurse’s office. 

After a few achingly long moments of writhing on the bed because of the blinding fluorescent lights, with the nurse shuffling in the background that sounded like the amplified sound of nails on chalkboard to Peter, the creaky door was finally nudged open.

Mr. Stark walked in almost soundlessly, right past the star-struck nurse, straight to Peter, and slipped his Stark-made noise-cancelling earphones over his ears. A-grade sunglasses came next, and Peter relaxed significantly when both sound and brightness became bearable. The young vigilante couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when his mentor helped slip on gloves over his shaking hands, feeling his cheeks warm as the delicate hands wiped away the tears on his face. 

Peter felt himself being lifted into strong arms, relieved that he doesn’t have to use his trembling legs. And even in his half-hazy mind, Peter is lucid enough to notice the many eyes on him and can hear the muffled whispers about him. 

His mentor shifts him so that Peter has his legs wrapped around the billionaire’s waist and his arms hung comfortably over his shoulders. The typical way a parent would carry a child. 

The teen buries his face into his mentor’s neck, uncaring of the way his sunglasses digs into the bridge of his nose. He smells the familiar mild but masculine scent of his mentor’s favourite fragrance and can’t help but to relax even more. 

“Don’t worry, Pete,” his mentor’s whisper could be heard through his noise-cancelling headphones. “I’ll get you home.”

——

Peter awoke to muffled voices. The room was pitch black, but Peter could still make out every single shape. He tugged his earphones off, relieved to note that his senses had calmed. 

“What were you thinking?” A faint voice from the hallway caught his attention. Was that Ms. Potts?

A cough and the reply came. “So I know, maybe carrying the kid out of school like that wasn’t my best idea, but he was hurting and—”

“You made it worse, Tony!” Ms. Potts sounded like she was going to strangle Mr. Stark. “The tabloids are having a field day with the pictures the students posted online.”

Silence. 

A soft sigh, “Tony, it’s alright. You know I fix things like these. I’m sorry I yelled, go take care of your kid.”

“He’s not my kid, Pep,” a grumbled reply came, but after a few seconds the door to Peter’s room slid open, and Mr. Stark walked in with gentle footsteps. 

The king-sized bed dipped, causing Peter’s too light body to slide along and they could feel each other’s body heat. “Hey kid, you feeling okay?”

The teen offered his mentor a small smile, even though his body felt too heavy. He managed a small nod and the engineer’s eyes softened, hand reaching out to push Peter’s hair away so that it wasn’t covering his eyes. 

“I’ll fix things,” Mr. Stark said, clenching his hand into a fist as he brought it back to his side. “Don’t worry you brilliant mind, okay? Just rest. I’ll clear this up in no time.”

Peter feels tears prick at his eyes at his mentor’s care and blames it on the aftereffects of the sensory overload. He’s grateful for the dark room, the only source of light from the slightly adjacent door. He grabbed Mr. Stark’s hand in a moment of impulse, squeezing it lightly in case he overestimated his strength. 

“Thank you.”

Mr. Stark is many things, but seeing his innocent child lie in a bed, looking so fragile while thanking him makes him want to throw away all his titles and hide away with Peter. “Between you and me, Pete, there’s no need for the phrases ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry,’ okay? I’m here to protect you.”

The kid smiles a bright one this time and the genius has to really hold back from saying, ‘screw you’ to the world and hide the child in a castle far, far away from humanity. He leaves after Peter falls back to sleep, readying himself to solve their little problem. 

——

Peter wakes up to nobody. He’s alone in Mr. Stark’s penthouse floor, and May hasn’t ended work yet, so he decides to stay for a while. He trudged to the living room, nearly becoming one with the couch as soon as he reaches it and switched the flatscreen on. 

The first thing he sees is Mr. Stark’s face. The billionaire is sporting his infamous sunglasses again, even though he’s indoors and there’s no sunlight. He’s adorning an immaculate three-piece suit, tie perfectly tied and is for once sitting appropriately. 

“Rumours has it that you have a son now, Mr. Stark,” the interviewer starts, pulling out a framed picture from under his desk. A camera zooms in onto a picture of Mr. Stark carrying Peter like a toddler.

It’s the first time that Peter’s seeing the picture, so he takes a closer look. Mr. Stark is cradling his head as if protecting him from the surrounding students who are gaping openly at them. Peter also looks ridiculous with his hoodie, noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses and gloves on. 

“What do you have to say, Mr. Stark?”

Said man pushed his sunglasses further up his nose, as if that could shield him from the spotlight. “He’s not my kid.”

Peter knows that Pepper probably had a script that Tony has to follow, to ensure he doesn’t mess up in front of live television, as well as to stop rumours. Realistically, Peter knows that those words are said to also deter people from targeting him in case they want revenge on Mr. Stark, but the cold words hurt nonetheless. 

Mr. Stark had been calling him his ‘kid’ from the moment they met, with a few other nicknames here and there, so really, his hurt was understandable. 

“Ah, he’s my personal intern,” Mr. Stark clarified, when the audience started clamouring. “He’s the only one allowed in my lab to get a hands-on learning experience.”

A small smile played at Mr. Stark’s lip, and before the interviewer can say anything, he speaks up again. “He’s very talented, a quick learner, very efficient in the lab, innovative too. If the rest of his generation is like him, we have nothing to worry about.”

Stunned, the interviewer and the audience went silent for a few moments. 

“I’m sure he is, Mr. Stark, you are Stark Industries’ inventor after all, your lab should be efficient,” the interviewer said to dissipate the awkward tension. “The real question now is, does this intern have social media? We would all love to know more about him.”

The audience cheers, the sound so deafening that Peter could see Mr. Stark’s perfect features contort for a split second. He cleared his throat, calming the audience. “If he’s willing, I’m sure we can create the accounts for him.”

Once again, the audience explodes and Peter smiles, switching the channel to something significantly calmer, namely, Cartoon Network.

——

parker intern 

@internparker 

S.I. intern baby

2681 followers, 20 following 

*** followed by @tstark, @nataliaromanova, @capamerica, and four others 

——

parker intern @internparker 

ello world! mr. stark says to not do anything stupid

| 

you know who ✔️ @tstark 

Are you sure you want that to be your first tweet?

|

parker intern @internparker 

i’m not doing anything stupid!!!

——

<3000 @threethousand

THE GODS HAVE ANSWERED WE HAVE QUALITY IRONDAD CONTENT NOW NO MORE RUMOURS GUYS 

|

cheeseburger @ironmanslays

i would like to thank our god and saviour jesus christ, as well as mY god ironman for making this happen

——

Peter went home to May with a bright smile on his face. After Mr. Stark came back, they talked about the social media and created the account together. Peter knows the ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s on what he’s allowed to post, but he’s still happy because Mr. Stark looks happy. 

He’s still amazed at Pepper’s god-like work, how she managed to get an interviewer willing to interview Mr. Stark with such short notice was baffling, but he’s happy she did it, because the rumours had been stopped. Sure, everybody now knows that he’s an intern at Stark Industries, but he could live with that. 

Besides, having the twitter account was a blast. 

——

I hope you enjoyed!!!

btw should i make a taglist? If you're interested comment a ‘💙’?

[orihara-infobroker]

Hobbies and Criticism

I sat on this when it happened, and again yesterday but it’s something I do want to speak about because I’ve seen it happen often enough that it merits discussion. There are a few separate elements here and I will try to be cohesive in stringing them together.

It’s long so it’s going under a cut... Sorrynotsorry XD

On Unsolicited Criticism

Fan art and fan fiction are, fundamentally, hobbies. I am not addressing commissions here. I am talking about artists who create their art out of their own desire to make something based on whatever inspired them. Some people love sharing that art with the world. Some people don’t. They are not doing so because they are being paid for their work but because they want to create something out of personal love for it. Those who share it with the world are not obligated to. It is a gift. A gift, by virtue of the internet, that you are not required to accept or like - certainly I don’t like every fanfiction written about my fave pair. In fact I don’t like most of them. It is still a gift, however and the mannerly thing to do when you come across a gift that isn’t to your liking, is to simply pass on it. It’s very easy to do on the internet. Hit the back button. Scroll past it. Block the artist if you find their art repulsive. The fundamental rule of mature fandom behavior on the internet. Curate your own experience.

Further to this, when a person offers up a gift, it isn’t your place to critique them, unsolicited. You aren’t doing anyone a good turn by pointing out where they are fucking up. You may think you are somehow contributing to fandom by “helping” a struggling artist to improve their works by providing unsolicited criticism but you aren’t. In fact, from what I have seen and heard from artists, it’s usually the opposite. Many fan artists aren’t professionals. Some might be, more so I’ve noticed in the graphic art sphere than in the writer sphere, but most aren’t. Many fan artists are beginners. Many fan artists are students of their art. Many are learning as they are doing. Most importantly, many are doing this for fun, as a hobby, and aren’t aiming to become professionals. 

Many fan artists who are either learning as they go or just doing this for fun when they have time are more than aware that they aren’t professionals. They know that they aren’t the best. They usually have an idea of where their weaknesses are. Sharing their art often takes a great deal of courage for them because they know they are offering something up that isn’t perfect but they love it enough to share it in the hopes that other people will love it too. Coming into their space after they’ve shared a work of love and pointing out all the things that are wrong with it is more likely to cause a new writer or artist to recoil and give up than it is to cause them to double down and try to get better. This isn’t theoretical for me. I’ve heard former artists and writers say that they gave up because all they ever heard was how bad they were. Again, not people who wanted to be professionals. People who just wanted to create things for fun. Who had that fun stripped away from them by strangers who thought it acceptable to enter their space and shit on their work.

When a child is learning to do something we do not take the picture they drew of their stick people families and smiley suns and tell them “Honey, the sun doesn’t have a face. People aren’t sticks. That’s not how to draw hair.”

We do not do that because it is not productive. It is hurtful. We know this and yet fans seem to think it’s “helpful” and acceptable to do this to other adults. Assuming the artists are adults, which is a fallacy. Many are teens as well. Under the assumption that adults aren’t going to burst into tears because you pointed out their failings, you shovel your criticisms over them without stopping to consider that maybe, just maybe, they will because they know they aren’t that perfect. They know they can’t draw hands. They know that their grammar isn’t the best. But they’re trying and they’re creating and they just want to share their ideas. They want to share their love with people who love the thing too. 

They didn’t ask for criticism. They provided a gift and had someone take a shit on it. This is not kind and helpful and certainly I would not be inclined to continue to provide gifts to anyone who treated me in such a way. Unsolicited criticism does not improve artists, it drives them away.

On Solicited Criticism and Being Constructive

I’m going to talk from a writer’s perspective here because I am a writer and I don’t entirely understand artists methods because I never took any sort of art classes. I still think the overall theme of this applies to artists as well, especially when discussing the purpose of criticism and the method of delivery.

Many artists and writers do want to improve and would appreciate genuine criticism of their works. This is a double-edged sword, of course because in my experience we aren’t taught how to take criticism as a flaw in our skill without feeling like it is a flaw in ourselves. We associate our worth very strongly with our ability to do things and as such, addressing our flaws can become a very emotional battle.

When an artist solicits for constructive criticism, they aren’t asking you to point out everything that is wrong with their work. That isn’t what criticism in this situation is meant to be. They are asking for explanations on why things don’t work. They are asking for guidance on how to improve. If you cannot provide that kind of feedback, don’t give the criticism in the first place. 

As a writer I do wonder if I am perhaps more attuned to the way words work than the average reader. As such, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to word choices and I want to talk about that a bit as it relates to online conversations around criticism. We give tone to certain words. A single word’s meaning might not be negative but how we use it in day-to-day conversation can very much instill a level of emotional subtext to that word that translates into how people write and read that word. 

When giving feedback to a person, it’s easy to make a checklist of all the things they got wrong. In some cases, this can be acceptable, such as with basic grammar mistakes. If you’re asking me to proofread your work for grammar, I’m just going to red pen it and note the corrections in the margins because this is simply the mechanics of writing and I know plenty of native English speakers who don’t understand the full complexities of the language. I speak about English (which is the literal worst language in existence) because it’s my native tongue but this can apply to any language.

However, when you begin to delve into deeper things like characterization, themes, plot and so on, this becomes significantly less straightforward. When you add a writer’s voice (or an artist’s vision) into the mix, it gets very messy.

The one thing that should never change when giving criticism is tone. One should not be cruel or harsh in delivering criticism. One should be kind and understanding. The artist is opening themselves up and asking for help which is difficult enough on its own. The response should be patient and helpful. Take care to choose your words to support and uplift the artist, not to tear them down. For every criticism you offer, you should also try to offer a solution or a guideline for the artist. If the criticism is about how the pacing of the story is too slow, making the story drag, then explain what makes it feel slow and why that is a negative thing. Offer suggestions on what might improve the pacing. 

Ex. I noticed that in this chapter it felt like nothing was really happening to further the plot and that left me feeling bored. Perhaps you could improve the pacing of this chapter by including some reference to how this affects the greater plot? Or add something to the end of the chapter to bring us back around to where the plot is headed?

As many “beta readers” are also not professionals, it’s understandable that maybe you don’t know how to offer constructive criticism. Maybe you just have a feeling that something doesn’t look or read write but you don’t know linguistics well enough to identify the why behind it. That’s ok too, as long as you convey that honestly and kindly.

Ex. When I was reading this part of the chapter it didn’t feel like it flowed very well but I’m not sure why. If you have another editor, maybe ask them for their opinion on it?

Because sometimes when we are reading something our own internal biases will create problems where there are none, or catch problems without knowing why they are problems. This is especially useful if you’re being asked for your opinion on whether or not someone is handling a sensitive topic well (race, sex, sexual orientation etc.). 

When it comes to the writer’s voice, this is where criticism is very difficult. If an author loves their purple prose (overly flowery descriptions of everything) and it bothers you as a reader, you’re probably not their audience and criticizing them for it isn’t actually helpful. It’s fine to ask them if they mean to write in that manner, or ask if it serves a specific purpose to them but if their response is that it is the way they enjoy writing, then it is not a topic that is open for criticism.

Conclusion

Artists - Nay, People grow by learning from their mistakes but they need support in understanding what those mistakes are and how to improve them. They do not grow by constantly being told to “get better”. Respect those who are gifting you with their art. Give them the respect they deserve for being kind and brave enough to post their creations. If they don’t want criticism, respect that boundary. If they do want criticism, give it in a kind and helpful way.

Lastly, and especially because this is what bothered me the most about the incident that caused me to write this:

Artists grow by doing. They cannot get better without doing and making mistakes and doing more and making more mistakes. This is the literal process of learning a skill. Do not ever tell an artist to stop creating because they aren’t good enough. It doesn’t make you ‘helpful’. It makes you a giant fucking douchebag.

[incarnateirony]

I’m seriously tempted to just start blocking people who unironically reblog-comment or tag things with “queerbait” that aren’t in the ballpark of what that word fucking means anymore. Because with my recent blood pressure, self care is essential, and I don’t have time to explain to every child on the internet What Words Mean rather than What Socially Aware Dialogues Fandom Has Misappropriated To Abuse In Conversation For Personal Wants and Liminal Gains or, for that matter, How The Representation Battle and LGBT Cinema History Actually Looks.

But I am most definitely exhausted with people stealing content posts pointing out problems in *fandom* perception issues only to, completely unironically, show the same perception issues, just framed in frilly socially aware sounding dialogue that they think hides the queerphobia and queer deletion they personally choose to partake in because they wanna argue with idiots and that’s what’s actually important to them.

Seriously. What the fuck. How can there be SO MANY people SO FUCKING IGNORANT to the actual history of the situation -- be it microcosm of a show or macrocosm of the entire LGBT representation fight -- and SO out of tune with what words they use all the time actually mean -- that they think maintaining a mass hysterical tone entitles them to shit and will Tulpa it into existence and warp the entire rule book. How do they think warping the rule book to LGBT and LGBT history disservice is allyship. What fucking loon normalized this. Oh my god. How are there so many people yelling about representation that haven’t even watched or read Celluloid Closet. How are there so many people echoing shit they were convinced sounded good by some other person in the echo chamber.

Like I want shit too. I’m mad the field is unlevel too. That’s why it’s a goddamn representation fight, not a representation twitter/tumblr trend, or trend in general. How are there so many people claiming they’re here for the representation fight and then simultaneously acting like there isn’t a goddamn fight and that there’s a magic clap on clap of that lets queer creators do whatever the fuck they want. How are there so many people willing to delete the pleas or even sociopolitical commentary OF queer creators while saying they’re representing them. I--

Also the bogus extremization of “You’re settling.” No, motherfucker, I’m not. Because between the two of us, completely theoretical person, I’m the person in this battle for the long haul, not just for a convenient point post of personal satisfaction to argue with a tinfoil clad jackass and feel vindicated online. The person that’s going to be involved in this long after this show, much less being aware and involved long before. Of the two of us, I’m the person who realizes deleting our current progress, just because it isn’t the face of it I want, isn’t fucking activism. I’m sure that buzz accusation and gaslight bullshit sounded great when you mimicked it off the last jackass you saw use it, but it doesn’t actually work if your head is anywhere in the realm of the reality of the situation.

You can simultaneously be mad and want more, while NOT deleting progress to date just because it wasn’t “enough” for you. Actually, you know, THATS HOW IT FUCKING WORKS YOU QUEERPHOBIC, GOALPOST SHIFTING, LGBT-OBSTACLE-TILTING PLEBS.

The fucking narcissistic audacity that someone pulled a “talk is talk walk is walk” about the actual feet on the ground activism one of our authors is known for, while that person unironically spewed online about emotions and feelings and not knowing where shit starts. One is walking, one is talking, and hint, the walking one is not the creature screeching on tumblr without investing any effort or an iota of research. That’s not a battle. That’s not activism. That’s petty ship war *bullshit.*

You wanna make change? Organize groups. Groups that contact corporations, don’t just scream into a void or at the easiest and most accessible target even if deep down you goddamn know better. Put together demographic evidence of being the high yield potential because I don’t care what perfect world you want to live in, we live in a capitalistic world and companies act on money, not ethics. Get involved in production. Lobby teams to open their options. Become an actual queer writer. Get involved on the inside and see what it takes to lay down groundwork to even tilt things at all. Can’t do any of that? Lift the work of the queer creatives, heed the effort they’re laying out and the limits they push within what constraints they have, even if Korrasami didn’t get to kiss or whatever the fuck, *recognize* it, and most of all, appreciate what effort is being made for you in this fight, you ungrateful little toads. Because they’re the ones actually fighting for you. Show that these steps are profitable, not drama-bombs, to the companies trying to make money.

Screaming at the wrong people and deleting progress on twitter or tumblr to compete with TV illiterate fuckballs is literally the opposite of progressive and I don’t know how this is fucking hard for people to wrap their heads around.

[camillemontespan]

candidly camille [interview]

The Duchess of Valtoria aka Camille Montespan aka Camille Walker is like a chameleon. As I watch her model for our cover shoot, she adopts sultry expressions before bursting out laughing at her, I quote, 'ridiculous attempts to be sexy,' then switches to a soft smile, looking like butter wouldn't melt.

When she talks to me after, her leg tucked under herself on the sofa, she goes from incredible politeness to a real throaty laugh when she makes a risqué comment.

The photoshoot actually took place in her home, as Camille was also on Mom Duty while her husband, Drake, was out for meetings. Now, we are settled on a slouchy sofa and drinking coffee, while baby Luna is in in a play pen and playing with blocks.

Camille is still wearing the sweater from the photograph that will become the cover. 'I love this sweater, must find it online..' she muses, whipping out her phone to search if its in stock. I tell her she could just keep it. She blinks at me, clearly surprised at the suggestion. 'I'm not stealing this, I have morals!' she says. She then whispers, 'I am the Duchess of Valtoria!' before winking at me.

The many names she has means it's often hard to pin down the woman herself. Can she clear this up please?

'Duchess of Valtoria is my job, Camille Montespan is my professional name, Camille Walker is my married name and personal favorite,' she explains. 'I kept Montespan because it's a name that goes back to French nobility so I guess it makes sense to keep it for my title. But I am actually a Walker, in my heart.'

She really loves her husband. She blushes when she mentions him and that's after seven years of marriage. How are they still in the honeymoon phase after seven years and two children?

'Lots of sex,' she deadpans, before she let's out that throaty laugh again. 'No, in all seriousness, it takes work, all relationships do. But Drake's my best friend. He's my person.'

The couple are very private and it's hard to secure interviews with them. But today, we are meeting Camille because she and her husband have become the new subjects of a documentary celebrating the seventh year of the Duke and Duchess of Valtoria's occupation, airing on Netflix next month. The documentary doesn't go behind the scenes per se, as Drake and Camille are very private, but Royal commentators are interviewed, as are their friends and some members of the Valtorian public, to talk about Drake and Camille. How has Camille found the past seven years?

'A complete whirlwind,' she tells me, beaming. 'I've loved every minute of it.'

Drake and Camille met seven years ago when she came to Cordonia to take part in the suitor competition to marry the now King Liam. Instead of winning the crown, she married Liam’s best friend. Was it awkward?

Camille bites her lip. ‘Questions were asked, I had to be very, very honest. But once we talked about it, Liam got it. He actually said on my wedding day that him and I would never have worked!’ 

Drake and Camille married at the Walker ranch in Texas, much to the anger of the Cordonian public. ‘We wanted something private with just our family and close friends,’ she explains to me, clearly used to having to defend this decision. ‘We didn’t want any frills or fanfare. The day was to be intimate and we didn’t want it to be broadcast to the world. I guess we wanted to have something that was just ours before we took on our roles of Duke and Duchess, you know? Before everything became a rollarcoaster.’

Their lives did indeed become a rollarcoaster. Camille fell pregnant with Lily soon after they married before they welcomed baby Luna a year ago.

I ask how Lily is with her sibling. Is it something she wanted?

‘It was difficult for her when the time came,’ she tells me carefully. ‘She was so used to it just being us, her own little unit. She’s used to being the only child and being her daddy’s favourite thing. Drake had to sit her down and explain that she was not being replaced. '

I ask if Lily is a daddy’s girl. Camille bursts out laughing. ‘Oh my god, yes! She is obsessed with him! So obsessed!’ Her laughter fades and she looks at me, her eyes warm. ‘You know that idea that a girl’s first love is her father? That totally applies to Lily. Drake is the love of her life.’

I ask what Luna is like as a baby. Camille must be exhausted. She laughs and shakes her head. 'Honestly? Luna is the quietest thing. She just observes, she's always looking around. She sleeps so well and she rarely cries. We were a little worried to begin with, since Lily was so different, but then when we thought about it, we were like: a quiet baby who let's us sleep for 6 hours? YES THAT'S THE DREAM!'

Lily takes after Camille, she tells me, in that she is so energetic and girly. 'She tries my perfume and walks around in my heels, it's the funniest thing. But she also isn't afraid to get dirty in the garden, she loves going camping with her dad, so I guess that Walker charm is in her somewhere..'

How is Drake with two girls? Camille beams at my question. 'He loves it. Oh, I just know he's going to be an overprotective dad when boyfriends or girlfriends come over for the first time. He relishes his role. Like, he isn’t afraid to take part in Lily's tea parties,’ she divulges. I can’t imagine Drake Walker, the man with the permanent scowl and sarcastic remarks to the press, taking part in tea parties.  I tell her this. Big mistake. 

‘First of all,’ she says, pointing her finger in the air, ‘my husband does not have a permanent scowl. He reserves that for paparazzi because he hates them.  Second, his sarcasm is really funny?! Like he is so dry and cutting sometimes, it’s shocking but it’s hilarious. Drake is an actual marshmallow, he just doesn’t show it to most people because he doesn’t feel the need to.’ Her voice is getting angrier now. ‘Why should he? He loves me and he loves his daughters, that’s all that matters. So when I say he takes part in my daughter’s tea parties, believe me, he does. And he actually loves it.’ 

She is a lioness protecting her pride. That is what Camille is like right now and I instantly feel guilty for mocking her husband. She must see my embarrassed face because she places her hand on mine. 

‘Sorry babe, I didn’t mean to get pissed. It’s habit. We’ve had to defend each other so much to the press, it’s become instilled in us.’

The tension has gone after her apology.  I actually understand why she instantly defended him though and why he would do the same for her; they are a team and they have learned together how to navigate the media, paparazzi and rumour mill. Drake once walked out of an interview when the men’s magazine interviewing him said Camille looked good in a bikini (paparazzi photos of a romantic holiday to the Caribbean made international news, much of the headlines being about Camille’s physique). 

‘He is very protective,’ Camille admits, ‘but he’s always been like that. Even when we first met, he protected me at court because he didn’t want me eaten alive by the other suitors. It’s in his nature and honestly, I wouldn’t change it.’

I move back to discuss the documentary.  ‘We were approached by the documentary team as they wanted to shed light on what we have done for Valtoria. It’s a great honour to be recognised for the work we have done.’ 

The documentary interviews their friends, such as Bertrand, the Duke of Ramsford. He was Camille's mentor when she came to Cordonia. Are they still close?

'He's like the dad I never had, even though he's only about eight years older than me,' she says thoughtfully. 'He's serious at first and it takes a while to get him to trust you but once you get over that hurdle, he is the kindest and most loyal man. Seriously, he's done so much for us. He's our children's godfather.'

I pick up on her comment about him being the dad she never had. I gently ask what she means. Camille bites her lip and runs a hand through her hair, giving me a whiff of coconut. ‘I think everyone knows that my parents weren’t exactly.. role models,’ she says. 

All I know is that she lost her parents to drugs when she was five. Camille rarely speaks about them to the press but we are aware of her background as she donates money to rehab facilities in Cordonia and visits patients.  She exhales and gives me a steady look. 

‘My mother and father abused drugs,’ she tells me bluntly. ‘If they taught me anything, it’s how to be a bad parent. They left me alone for hours on end while they chased their next high and I felt very lonely. That is why I try so hard to keep my daughters happy. I want them to enjoy life, have no worries. I want to just wrap them up in a big bundle of love.’

I note that Drake also had a hard time; his father died when he was fourteen and his mother left soon after. They both come from fractured upbringings. 

‘And yet, here we are,’ she says with a genuine smile. ‘We are not our parents. We are Drake and Camille, mom and dad extraordinaires!’ 

We're interrupted by her daughter, Lily, who wanders through. She's wearing a polar bear onesie and her hair is mussed up. 'Mommy, I miss daddy,' she says quietly.

Camille holds out her hands and Lily takes them, letting Camille pick her up and set her down on her lap. 'Daddy will be home soon,' Camille tells her, tucking a lock of Lily's hair behind her ear. She kisses the top of Lily's head and the five year old smiles, snuggling into her mother. Camille looks at me with a knowing smile.

'See?' she says. 'She's obsessed with Drake.'

What kind of parents are they?

Camille ponders. 'Hmm.. Might be a risky move here but, Lily, what are Mommy and daddy like as parents?'

We watch as Lily wrinkles her nose in concentration. 'Daddy is silly,' she decides. 'And Mommy is cuddly.'

Camille pulls her in for a cuddle, tickling the little girl under the arms, making her scream with laughter.

Lily soon clambers off to check on her little sister, before she announces that she's going to play tea parties. Camille and I get back to the interview.

'For a serious answer to your question,' Camille says, 'Drake and I have similar parenting styles because we're a team. Sure, Drake is more easily swayed and wrapped around Lily's finger, but we both agree when it comes to the important stuff, like bedtimes, school, homework, dinner. We're in sync all the time.'

I wonder how they settled into being parents so soon after getting married. Camille ponders for a moment before answering frankly. 'We were terrified. Seriously. We worried we would break her and Drake would spend hours watching over her as she slept. We couldn't relax.'

There has been comments made that the two of them adopt the helicopter method style of parenting, meaning they are very protective over their daughters.

Camille sighs. 'With Lily, sure. But we were just starting out and so scared of fucking up. Bear in mind, I had a shit childhood. Drake fared little better. So we're both so conscious of the fact that we didn't have the best parents to learn from. It goes back to what I was saying earlier that we are not our parents. We want to do it right.'

We are interrupted by the sound of scraping on the floor. I look over to see Lily is dragging a tiny plastic yellow table with plastic tea cups on top. Camille jumps up to help her move it. 'Where do you want it, honey?' she asks.

Lily points to the space in front of the sofa where we're sat. Camille takes the table over and we watch Lily set up for a tea party, right beside us.

'She likes to be part of things,' Camille whispers to me. 'Especially when there's women in the room. I think she likes to pretend she's a fancy lady with her fancy friends.'

She reaches out to ruffle Lily's hair. Her daughter grins and settles down, pretending to sip from a plastic tea cup. Camille and I watch her for a moment, fascinated by this little play.

'Mm, delicious tea..' Lily says quietly and Camille and I giggle. Camille then clears her throat and looks at me, ready for the interview to commence.

Are they aware of their couple name, Cake?

Camille bursts out laughing. 'Oh we're aware! Drake hates it. He doesn't like the whole celebrity thing. Neither do I but its what we have to deal with as part of our jobs.'

The documentary discusses the campaigns that the Duke and Duchess have been involved with. For Drake, he founded Mind over Matter, a mental health campaign for struggling men in Cordonia, which soon formed into something larger. It became a charity and pioneered the beginning of mental health campaigns in Cordonia.

'I'm so proud of him,' Camille tells me. 'To think that before I met him, he made sure he stuck to the shadows at court and now he's taking centre stage and promoting his work.. Its amazing.'

Camille has also been involved in working for equality in the workplace. She had been talking to her fellow Duchesses and found that Kiara had been trying for years to get into a boardroom but to no avail. 'Because she's a woman,' Camille tells me point blank. 'Kiara has the skills needed to be a diplomat, she has more balls than any man in the room, but she is ignored because she has a vagina. Before you say I'm being dramatic, I'm not. Kiara was literally told she wouldn't get her foot in the door because she was a woman.'

Lily then pipes up quietly: 'Vagina.'

Camille turns red and covers her face with her hands. 'Oh god, I forgot she's like a sponge.. She repeats so many things we say.'

I look at Lily who gives me a butter wouldn't melt smile.

Moving on.

Cordonia is known to be very traditional in the sense that women should stay home while men work. Camille rolls her eyes. 'Cordonia needs to join the 21st century.'

After speaking with Kiara, Camille and her friends got together to tour workplaces and schools, advocating for equality. 'I want girls in Cordonia to have the opportunities to succeed and grow,' she says. 'We visit schools to show young girls that their futures are bright and that they shouldn't feel like they can't achieve anything.'

Drake must feel very proud of her. Camille blushes and waves away my compliment. 'I'm just trying my best to make a change. I want Cordonia to be a modern and forward thinking country.'

The documentary follows the Duke and Duchess' efforts to make a difference, as well as showing short clips of candid moments. Moments such as when they visit the palace and Drake holds her hand - nobles are very strict about touching and PDAs, yet Drake and Camille ignore this rule.

'We're a really touchy couple..' Camille says, pretending to look apologetic. 'Sorry guys. We're sickening.'

There's also a moment where Drake is studying fancy finger food at an event with a look of sheer incredulousness on his face while Camille jokingly tries to force him to eat it, waving it in his face. I think it will become a meme.

'Oh god, don't talk to Drake about memes!' she laughs. 'His quote Everything is Great became a meme. He can't live it down.'

The documentary interviews Olivia Nevrakis of Lythikos, the infamous Duchess who terrifies journalists - myself included. Camille and Olivia seem so different, how can they possibly be friends?

She shrugs. 'Just because someone's different to you doesn't mean you can't be friends.. I think she's brilliant. She's the godmother of my children. Underneath that tough exterior, she's a softie. Bit like Drake actually, his marshmallow equivalent..'

She then giggles. 'She's going to kill me for calling her a marshmallow.'

Lily sips her tea cup and says confidently, 'I love Aunt Olivia!'

'Yes you do, sweetie!' Camille coos, leaning over to kiss Lily on top of the head. 'She's your favourite person, isn't she?'

Lily nods eagerly.

Olivia is very open in the documentary about how she, Camille and Drake started off on the wrong foot but slowly became friends. She says that Camille is the friend who always has a bottle of wine ready for deep chats. 'The woman loves a deep discussion about feelings..' Olivia says dryly.

Camille grins. 'I do! I'm like a therapist sometimes! I genuinely think I could have been a therapist if I wasn't a Duchess.'

As a noble, Camille is different. She's more open, relatable and doesn't put on any airs and graces. She's normal.

She blinks at me. 'All of us are normal,' she tells me. 'Just because we have titles doesn't mean we're not like you. I think I'm more myself than ever before because I don't want to lose the old Camille.'

I ask her to explain the old Camille. She sips her coffee and ponders. 'The old Camille watched football, wore oversized sweaters, made risqué jokes and loved Espresso Martinis. I'm still the same person..' She bites her lip. 'I think I don't want to lose that version of me because its the one my husband first fell in love with.'

I tell that it obvious Drake will love her no matter what. She bows her head and smiles softly. 'Thank you,' she says quietly. 'At the end of the day, Drake is my life. I want to be with him forever.'

As if on cue, the front door is heard shutting and footsteps sound in the hallway. Lily jumps up from her tea party table and runs out the room, shrieking, 'Daddy!'

'Hello beautiful thing!' I hear Drake cry. The footsteps get closer and Drake enters the living room with Lily in his arms. He sees me and gives me a warm smile. 'Hi there, nice to meet you.'

He moves towards Camille and kisses her softly. 'How's the interview going?'

'Good, I think!' Camille says, looking at him like he's the most amazing thing she has ever seen. 'Fun chats.'

Drake grins. 'I'll leave you both be. Spaghetti for dinner tonight? I'll cook.'

He carries Lily to Luna's play pen, picking up the two year old as well. 'Hey, little moon!' he greets his youngest daughter. The three of them leave the room and Camille smiles at me. 'See? He's brilliant.'

That is the secret of Cake. That's how they work so well. They are a team and it's family first for them, just how it should be.