#I’m atheist but like STILL
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This time last year I was like “I’ve been reading fanfiction for over a decade, and I wrote semi-professionally for a few years, maybe I should try to write my own fic”
And now I have an ongoing fic, a side-series for that fic, and several one-shots under my belt.
And I wrote the majority of it while spending months in bed, trying to recover from literal brain damage due to a head injury and medical malpractice, immediately followed by long-covid
Even if I’m not gaining anything by doing this, and even if the rest of my life is in absolute shambles, I’m still really proud of it :’D
#god works in mysterious ways#I’m atheist but like STILL#i used to think writing fanfic was silly despite consuming so much of it and now here I am#honestly rekindling my love for writing and experiencing positive feedback for said writing after all these years has been so nice#i rly needed a creative outlet other than making digital art#semi vent#fanfiction#shut up crisa
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Thinkin about how I’ve seen a lot of super interesting interpretations of Henry being religious or at least believing in God (makes sense— he was raised in Utah after all, lmao). I really dig this, maybe it’s because I was raised in a regions environment and hashtag religious trauma!!! But also- do we think if he did believe in God, he stopped doing so after Charlie’s death, the children that went missing at HIS restaurant, aaaaaaaaand finally figuring out that his best friend that he once trusted and cared for uh. Was responsible for ruining his life and taking so many others??
Basically in my head he went from 🙏 to
#I know he tells William to go to hell in that awesome speech of his#but I’m an atheist and I still say ‘’I hope they burn in hell’’ while talking about super bad ppl so like. idk. just an expression?#IM READING SO INTO THIS LMFAOOOOOOOOO GOODNIGHT.#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#henry emily#william afton#I need normal people hobbies#no I don’t this is too much fun. staying insane for now#my ideas#religion tw
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I think the retconning of Dick to white truly causes some of y’all’s brains to rot. Like yes that is racism but also part of that racism is that fanon treats and sees him as white; which is the ERASURE part of the convo. I get so sick of white people who couldn’t care less going ‘actually Dick is Romani 🙄🙄🙄’ when they still operate and treat him as if he’s white except for the occasional fanart. I’d love if more ppl and dc canon actually talked about him not being white but as of now until that happens when discussing fandom racism and the way y’all prop up white characters before everyone else; Dick is included in the convo precisely because of the erasure.
#and this is about Dick but also about how I feel about Jewish tim Drake#like he was written that way once and then immediately retconned to be an atheist#in my mind tim Drake is absolutely still Jewish#however when I talk about white characters being propped up by white ppl he’s number one on the list#bc even some of y’all who go ‘tim Drake is Jewish!!!’ only post about it or reblog art involving that in December#to a lesser extent with Bruce bc he’s been Jewish for a long ass time since a while ago#but still like ppl going ‘actually they’re Jewish!’ when we speak on the racism in the fandom…#how come the only time u say that is when it’s time to prove racism doesn’t exist#there’s never any genuine interest at any other time#obligatory if it don’t apply let it fly#I’m not talking to or about ppl who see these characters as Jewish and genuinely incorporate it into their mind spaces all the time#duh#same with dick#if u see him as Romani all the time and explore that and the culture through him genuinely I’m talking about u stop typing
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if you’re an atheist who spends their day telling religious people they’re lesser somehow for being religious, I hate you and I hope you have a horrible day.
#g talks#do atheists who mind their business exist#like I’m trying to hold out hope#but every atheist I come across is an arrogant prick#who thinks it’s their sole purpose to be mean to religious people#who literally aren’t even in oppressive religions#or are practicing but don’t go to a church/they’re just independently doing their own thing#not harming anyone at all#and I’m so fucking sick of it#you’re not morally superior#and actually you’re a dick if you act like that#because arrogance and cruelty are still fucked without god’s existence#and if you were morally superior you wouldn’t even fucking interact or engage#yet here we are#jumblr#antisemitism#mine#/mobile#/okay to reblog
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sometimes it seems like female solidarity on this website is a fucking scam
#support all women until those women are spiritual#then we’ll launch a series of ad hominin attacks and say they can’t think critically#like if you think it’s stupid…just unfollow them???#and it’s not a debate anymore like I haven’t seen any pagan/spitritual/witchy women posting about this in a little bit#but I’m still seeing atheist women post about it#this is the only post I’m gonna make about this btw I’m just so tired of it#before anyone jumps on me THIS IS WHAT I HAVE SEEN
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my mom: we don’t celebrate Halloween
me: uh, yes we do? We put up decorations and we go trick or treating in costumes?
my mom: no, we do all that stuff because we think it’s fun, but we don’t celebrate the devils birthday
me: …but Halloween doesn’t have anything to do with the devil, you literally told me so. And, doing all that stuff is celebrating Halloween bc that’s all Halloween is.
#i remember when i was like seven and it being the devils birthday came up and my mom was like. that’s a load of horseshit#Halloween has nothing to do with the devil. it’s just a made up holiday that we use as an excuse to have fun#< that’s obviously not verbatim#but it was the gist of the rant she went on#but apparently that’s changed???#she never raised me or my older brother to have that mentality too#i didnt even remember WHY people don’t like Halloween until she brought it up 😭#idk i just know that i might’ve ruined Halloween for my little brother bc i kept insisting we celebrate it#but apparently insisting that we do is me worshipping the devil so#which is insane actually bc she KNOWS I’m atheist. i don’t even believe the devil exists#this spiraled into a. thing. which is annoying#I’ll probably apologize later so my little brother can still go trick or treating#anyways this is just me ranting#please ignore this#i’ll probably delete this later
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now m just thinking abt trans woman lucifer and how it just fits and makes me feel so many things.
#oiuuhghh lucifer has always got to be my favorite character trope? in media.#always got a soft spot for em (except supernatural’s. gross)#me holding my two Lucifer coded ocs and giggling gleefully#not obey me lucifer. like Bible lucifer. I’m agnostic bordering very much atheist so the Bible really is just a fun little fantasy book 2 me#just taking the basis of the story and running with it and making him a sympathetic character.#however I still do got anxiety though. when I end up meeting the real thing#n he’s atrocious and awful and laughing at me. sorry for making little guys and using ur lore for inspo 🙄🙄🙄🙄 suck my dick#doesn’t he technically still work for god though….. I thought u hated the guy………anyway.#tags ended up completely unrelated to the post I’m just thinking thoughts.#there’s actual real like. introspection or whatever into it but I’m too tired to think articulate thoughts.#mammon is my nonbinary lesbian girlboyfriend. nonbinary lesbian 4 nonbinary lesbian W#beel is trans 2 me…. belphie is Agender or smth. I’m projecting on tht one leave me alone#Ik it’s very basic but I do really like genderfluid asmo#I gotta write shit down someday#I do also like agender lucifer (projecting again)
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A huge underlying view among many terfs that frustrates me beyond belief is Islamophobia. I have seen countless of posts from Terfs using the stories of abused Muslim women as an excuse to say the whole religion is oppressive and sexist. I have seen so many posts about how hijabs and burkas are oppressive and women who choose to wear them are working against women’s rights. They often imply that most of, if not all, Muslim men are violent in the name of religion. They fail to make the obvious connection between the fact that there’s a huge difference between fascist governments using Islam as an excuse to oppress women and actual Islam and Muslims. Ofc women should have the right to chose if they want to be religious, if they want to cover up, if they want to take on a submissive role. No one is denying that. The reasons those rights are taken from women, often in the Middle East (which is what terfs often reference), is the fault of the government, not the religion. Yeah, there are abusive men who will use Islam as an excuse for their actions. Just like there are Christian men who will use Christianity as an excuse for their actions. Same goes for pretty much all religions. People covering up their abuse under the guise of religion is not limited to just Islam. It happens in most religions. It’s happened pretty much since religion started.
It’s just so ignorant and out of touch and you know they have never spoken to a Muslim person. If they did, they would know Muslims are the same as Christians and Jews and atheists and so on. It’s not some evil curse. It’s a religion that mainly focuses on peace. And to demonize it, using the horrors women have faced as an excuse is just so messed up. Most people on the internet haven’t realized there’s a big difference between a religion and people using that religion as a coverup for their shitty actions. The existence of governments using Islam to persecute women is because of bad people, not Islam. Terfs just want one group of people to be declared bad so they can blame everything on them. They claim to want to protect all women, and then condemn an entire religion. They talk about horrid treatment of women and blame religion rather than the perpetrators. It’s a very common belief a lot of them hold and I never see it mentioned and it just really pisses me off.
#I haven’t gone on a terf blocking spree in a while but I just remembered one of those kinds of posts#I’m not lying when I say I have seen a lot of posts with this message#and it just makes me so mad#I was raised in a pretty much completely catholic town and I’ve always been insanely ignorant so it took me a solid four years to realize m#my close friend was Muslim#I didn’t realize it because she acted exactly the same#the only different thing was she didn’t eat meat and her family didn’t like to celebrate Halloween#that’s all I fucking knew#she was just a normal fucking person and her family was a normal fucking family#I hung out with her family when we were still friends and they were normal#and actually really kind#people#Muslims aren’t some exotic species#they are exactly the same#when not being influenced by the government#most Muslims just want a normal life just like how most Christian’s and Jews and atheists want a normal life#I just hate Islamophobia so much and I hate terfs so much and it just isn’t surprising the two overlap#before some lost angry terf finds this#no I’m not saying all terfs believe this#I’m sure there are Muslim terfs#I’m just talking about what I’ve seen when I’ve gone on blocking sprees#rae’s rambles#fuck terfs#terfs don’t touch#not terf safe#fuck radfems#tw terfs
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Thank you to the amazing @simplebtromance for tagging me. Also go to her post cause she has the links and I’m not smart enough to do that on mobile 😬
1: take the quiz- why does this actually make sense for me 🥹
2: make the picrew- mine is so cute!!! I’m obsessed. ♥️
3: tag people 🫡
Tagging the usuals: @criminally-obsessed @criedlikeabby @sapphicsoyboy @wynnyfryd @cranberrymoons @hellion-child @goinsteddie @perseus-notjackson @charliesginger @steves-strapcollection
#tag games#I love her 😍#this is how heavy I would wear my blush if I didn’t look like a crazy person in bumfuck texas#I love a RED blush but I can never find one prob cause I’m poor and only buy makeup at Walgreens and Walmart#I’ve been using this more red eye shadow from a pallet and it works pretty good#remember e girls and they had blush on their noses#I STILL DO THAT!!#I think it’s so cute idk#also I am built for the wrong genre#I should be in the happy ending atheist genre#instead I’m in the#you’re gonna suffer and you’re gonna be grateful to god about it genre
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I think my anxiety would be cured if I just knew less, like if I lived in the Middle Ages I could go to the village nun or wise old person etc and say something like “I’m fearful of dying randomly” and they would say something like “fear not child you are young and the gods say it is not your time” and I’d be like “ok”. boom. Anxiety solved.
#suppose if I had religion something similar would still apply#but it’s just the way I am that I don’t think my beliefs can be shaken on being atheist (no offense to religeon enjoyers out there)#like I feel like even if I put in the effort and converted to any kind of religion it would just be in the back of my mind that I’m#just pretending to go along with it and don’t actually believe#idk if any of this makes sense I’m having a weird one
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Unreasonably annoyed that somehow both target AND Office Depot are closed today and I wanted to get some page protectors and binder dividers to organize my mom’s random collection of recipes today during a crafternoon
SIGH being a godless heathen is so hard sometimes
#this is of course nothing compared to my atheist husband living in a Muslim country#where he could be jailed or killed for publicly admitting that he’s atheist#but he still goes around eating in his car during Ramadan wearing his thobe and qurta#I laugh with him but also like. boy. can’t wait to get you out of there#…so that you can also be annoyed that stores are closed on EASTER? gah#also hilarious that my dad has transformed into an even more devout Christian over the last 10-15 years#so growing up we maaayyybe went to church for Christmas Eve services but that’s it#he started going on Sundays when I was like 10-12#but now he’s like a Sunday guy and also sometimes Wednesday guy plus bible study when he has time#meanwhile I’m over here thinking about how different it would be if I went to church half the time in childhood#and spent the other half with my mom who is a catholic-raised adamant atheist#who once got strict with me for saying ‘god’ something-or-other saying HE DOESNT EXIST DONT SAY THAT AROUND ME#people are… weird#anyway.#time to get dressed and eat breakfast and switch the litter#and maybe build my Easter basket from my dad#lol
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I’m so angry because I’m watching a TV show and there was a nun character that told one of the main characters who’s an ex catholic that God would be waiting for him when he’s ready to come back, and I instantly started sobbing and I could feel the presence of God just like I always used to be able to but I’m so fucking tired of this happening over and over again. I’m trying to block it out and not let myself be comforted by it because in october when I lost my faith I promised myself I would never go back to God because what He did to me is unforgivable.
I don’t give a shit if He’s pursuing me because He loves me, I can’t keep getting tossed around like this. I so badly want to start going to mass again because I love everything about it but I can’t because God fucked up too badly this time and it’s like an abusive relationship if He can torture me and let bad things happen to me and then expect me to come back to Him just because He loves me and can make me feel His love against my will.
#I’ve calmed down a bit now and I realise that it’s just that the show was referencing a bible verse and it triggered some latent programming#in me#it’s not feeling the presence of God; I’ll never truly feel that again and I never felt it in the first place#it’s all me interpreting emotions a certain way; the way I was primed to as a child#I just hate this so fucking much I hate the feeling that I have no control over my own beliefs and right when I have agency and stop#believing; God always finds some way to pull me back#I’ve been watching this great atheist youtube channel where the guy is an exvangelical and he talks about his trauma and the manipulation#tactics and the like#it’s been really healing to see him deconstruct all the things that hurt me#I forgot quite how hurtful they are though! well; I’ve been reminded#it’s okay. I’m okay. it’s not God coming after me and it’s okay if I still don’t believe in Him because He’s not real and He can’t send me#to hell#oof that was rough#anne speaks#probably some of you might be offended by this but I actually don’t care because you can believe whatever you like and I’m not talking about#that. this is me dealing with my own trauma and it has no bearing on what I think of your beliefs
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Fun fact: the post I saw claiming atheists aren’t really atheists from several weeks back has caused me to actively try not to use phrases like “oh my god” for fear of being seen as secretly religious by my friends
#I am really an atheist I don’t believe in anything supernatural no science isn’t a religion#also I don’t believe science = truth bc at one point science said I should be eradicated#and science probably still says I’m asexual because I’m depressed and it needs to be fixed (it doesn’t)#and I also don’t hate religious people#yes we exist#I specifically hate Kent Hovind and people like him but that doesn’t mean I hate every Christian#I do believe you have to teach children about evolution though like that’s non negotiable for me#so I think I hate a lot of young earth creationists because I believe this#and perhaps even my friends do hate me for believing this
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ur telling me the Bible wasn’t just all someone’s hallucination
#i still to this day don’t know a single bible refernce#and I don’t think I’m missing out#like when someone says names from the Bible I’m like…that means nothing to me#this isn’t an atheist post I do believe in higher power but like#i just really think back then nobody knew about like spores and shit. germs and contaminated foods.#like I stay up every night thinking about that village that was plagued with dancing villagers who couldn’t stop because they are bad bread#ate*
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Louis really has had so much loss in his life 😞
And nobody deserves it less than him 😔 his post had me in tears, I honestly didn’t know Lilo still vibed like that and his whole message was such a painful discovery.
#his mom passing was literally what made me an atheist lol#I was like oh?? nothing happens for any reason bet#But idk I’m still in the denial stage about this whole thing#and I guess anger bc I’m mad at Liam for it#when I know if he was sober he would not have!!#so to be in denial and see the person you adore most on this earth grieve#I’m like oh was this a real event??#sorry if none of my posts about this ever make sense#it’s not a real thing that happened so I have a hard time having clear thoughts about it#asks#also I have this paranoia that my reactions come off as me being a bitch#because I relate this back to Louis#But that’s my way of being compassionate because I would be so lost if he wasn’t on this earth#so like I get that so many people feel that way
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so like 2 days ago I finally read one of the comics I bought blind a while ago with comics that I was actually looking for.
anyway Rat Queens is just mid, if not below average. I wrote a rant/review about it but before i finished it I realised this title is just not worth it lmao
After I read it I only wanted to start reading Dungeon Meshi so I can read sth actually good tbh and maybe i’ll sit down to do it today kjhkjh
#my posts#rambling#idk why i’m putting it off for later I KNOW I WILL LIKE IT KJHDFKJBD#I’ve been spoiled a lot (that’s how I know this series is such szkicelcore) but i still wanna read it from start to finish#before i dive into anime#bc i’ve heard they’ve changed and cut some things so i wanna see the og first#Anyway if you want a short answer why I didn’t like Rat Queens#basically it suffers from this typical „adult comics” problem where everyone talks the same#and the dialogue feels so stiff and unnatural bc the author prioritizes adult jokes over substance and whether it makes#sense for the characters to actually say it or if it fits the context of the scene#basically what everyone else just calls „h//bin h/tel problem” (it’s actually handled way better than h//bin obv#but it’s still pretty bad)#Other stuff i didn’t like: artstyle is nice but faces are drawn so inconsistently that sometimes i couldn’t tell#that someone was supposed to be a character i’ve already seen#or the resolution of the main plot takes a couple of pages while the real climax is a battle related to some random troll#we’ve seen at the very start of the story (i know that’s the joke; like „haha i bet you thought this troll wasn’t gonna be relevant again”#but i would still rather have a proper resolution to the main plot…and maybe actually a better plot too you know kjhdjbd)#also they neglected my girl Dee - she was my favourite bc her design is cool; she’s an atheist paladin and mostly talks like a normal perso#the atheist-paladin thing is questionable but another character points it out so i guess they have an explanation for it#in the next tomes - but i’m not gonna buy another comic from this series so i will never find out lmao#Another thing that irks me that isn’t related to the comic itself are all the reviews at the back comparing it to LOTR of all things#„It’s like a mix of sex and the city and LOTR haha” „this is LOTR but with sexy ladies” shut up shuuuut uuuuuup#You guys know only one fantasy book series and it shows#if anything this comic is clearly inspired by DnD with all the references they make for rolling the dice etc#but only as a remark from the narrator at the end of every chapter so also not really#Anyway i need to read dungeon meshi dammit
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