#I’m also tme

[fmluder24]

The urge for fandom to headcanon transphobes in particular as trans needs to be studied

[largemandrill]

I desperately need people to stop saying afab when they just mean cis women. I also (for separate reasons) need them to stop saying “afab trans people” when they just mean trans men they don’t agree with.

[spacelazarwolf]

“stupid fucking theyfabs making up things to be mad abt for attention ur not oppressed for having blue hair and pronouns”

transphobes and misogynists 🤝 other trans ppl for some fucking reason

[campgender]

So I say this with all the love and respect in my heart- I understand you feeling isolated or othered by people saying “men dni” on posts/blogs that you relate to, but fairly regularly complaining about it publicly from the standpoint of the man who is being asked to not interact, has a very “not all men” smell to it that makes it hard to like, empathize with the very real issues underneath this particular phenomenon. Also, in a very real moment of honesty, I think you know that you- tme bigender high femme fagdyke- are not the man in question that women don’t want to interact with. I don’t mean for this to come across aggressive or insincere, I just think it might be beneficial for you to reframe how you’ve been thinking about this issue, and it might help you feel less targeted by other queer people who are not trying to attack you.

wait, so i am a real man when it’s sexist of me to complain, but i’m not the real man they mean so the exclusionism i’m complaining about isn’t actually affecting me anyway? okay, got it: my gender is whatever gets me to shut up fastest.

speaking of my silence i’m very fascinated by your definition of ‘fairly regular’ since to my knowledge i’ve made 5 posts in the past 3 months that even reference this phenomenon, all of which except the ask meme response i posted yesterday are & have been unrebloggable due to my rampant fear of being accused of this very bullshit for so much as glancing in the direction of my own experiences!

if you last read those posts when they were made then it makes sense why you wouldn’t remember what i said in the longest of those, back on march 10 (link):

To Be Clear. my issue is not with people having certain boundaries, even when i disagree with the political implications! but i have had the tags “#men dni” and “#men do not interact” and “#men don’t interact” filtered for years, and i have the text “men dni” and “men do not interact” and “men don’t interact” filtered even though tumblr’s filtering system means that also blocks posts that are specifying something like “cishet men” (or even, occasionally, “i’m a man, men dni blogs don’t rb”), unnecessarily blocking posts people would’ve been fine with / happy about me engaging with, out of an abundance of goddamn fucking caution but apparently the burden remains on me to check individual bios before liking + reblogging a post every time i think the op might potentially be expecting me to self-gatekeep out of it.

but of course as you’ve so kindly pointed out the expectation to self-gatekeep is all in my head! never mind how many people reblog my femme posts with a cool url or insightful tags whose blog when i check it out specifically says something to the effect of “trans men this means you too” after their men dni policy. but since i obviously haven’t been thorough enough in my brief sporadic generally filter-tagged vent posts, let me be perfectly clear:

while i may feel a twinge of disappointment over a femme gender meme & frustration over a butch positivity post created by blogs with ‘men dni’ policies, my core issue here is blogs that self-brand as femme/queer/dyke/whatever archivists who are expecting me to gatekeep my access to my own history. that is why i started reading full texts myself & that is why i post excerpts anyone can reblog & that is why my tumblr has been left to run her queue for days at a time while i try to resolidify myself in the arguments of four decades ago instead.

so thank you for the reminder that no amount of self-censorship is enough 💖 i’ll try harder to stop playing this rigged game 💖

[solsticelosthermind]

Grabbing myself with both hands because there is no such thing as perfect! Who fucking cares if it’s not what you had in your head, it never is!! Written is better than unsaid so just write it the fuck down! Editing exists for nitpicking but first you have to write it!

[crabussy]

jaw drop. I am going sleepytown now goodnight tranny reclaimers of all flavours whether you’re afab amab or intersex. infighting is for people who can’t see the bigger picture and if we don’t stand together as a community we don’t have a chance ok goodnight!!!!!! crustacean dreams in my near future if I am lucky. lobster in my mind

[solasfenheral]

with all due respect the gaider books could’ve done with stronger editing

[minomadamu]

Egg jokes can be obnoxious in the same way strangers on social media making “friendly” sarcastic and mean jokes are. It’s just grating to have a complete stranger take a stray comment and act like they know you because of it. It’s ok to find that annoying and tell anyone who is making these presuppositions that you do not appreciate it and they should stop.

However I do think we have to watch ourselves, especially in the current political climate, as a lot of this discussion is thinly veiled active policing of the way trans women are allowed to talk about their experiences or god forbid- relate their experiences to someone else’s who they believe to be similar (as it turns out a lone “straight cis man” in group of entirely trans women might not be a straight or cis man! And some of these new trans women would like to share those experiences so other maybe trans women don’t have to spend years alone and in confusion or denial). Like we have to ask ourselves why is being a trans woman so shameful that we should never allow anyone to help open that door for one?

[gizdathemxel]

*gripping my hands so hard on a young trans persons shoulders that their bones are about to break*

do not log on to 4chan.com. do not get involved in passing olympics. you will always lose. do not put afab/amab* in your bio, that is cisgender society trying to know your “real” gender. you do not exist to please cisgender people. there is no ‘right’ way to be trans. learn your goddamn history, listen to your elders. listen to other disenfranchised groups. listen to intersex people and check yourself for intersexism. listen to trans poc and check yourself for racism. listen to disabled people and check yourself for ableism. be open to learning always. labels are meant to fit you, not the other way around. you are not weird or predatory for simply being attracted to others. you’re fine if you’re not a skinny white twink or a barbie doll. you’re fine if your body is ‘weird’. you’re fine if you don’t have heavy or any dysphoria. it’s okay if you actually don’t want to transition or anything like that. life is worth living at any stage, you deserve to be happy. I SWEAR THAT YOU ARE OKAY!!!!!

*ok editing this bc i think there are some major misunderstandings here and also ignorance on my part so lemme clear the air. when i wrote “don’t put tme/tma” in ur bio i did NOT mean to say that discussions around transmisogyny aren’t important or that tme/tma cannot be helpful terminology, and i’m super sorry that it came off that way. also editing bc someone pointed out to me that the original phrasing of this post is very misinforming, so to also clarify, tme/tma was a term invented by transfems to talk about transfeminine experiences which i will admit that i was unfamiliar with the history of tme/tma as a term and was introduced to it through some really bad online queer discourse. but it’s always been of my opinion that discussion around all forms of bigotry, including transmisogyny, are important and need to be had. i explained in a rb, which i’ll link when i have more time, that my issue was with the way the term is used as only identification/oppression olympics rather than genuine nuanced discussion about the ways that transphobia/transmisogyny/transandrophobia/etc function and interact with each other. i advised young trans people to not put tma/tme in their bios, bc i know that the wrong people (not just cis people, but transphobes and assholes who just want to get under your skin) would use any indication of your direction of transition to try and misgender you. or specifically in the case of tma/tme, tell you that your experiences/thoughts are not valid or reasonable bc you were tma or tma.

i realize how not originally clarifying that makes me look stupid (and a transmisogynist), so seriously, i’m sorry for that major mishap. tma/tme are not inherently bad words and you are 1000% allowed to use whatever terminology fits you and your experiences best. so as another word of advice: please do not let some rando on the internet tell you how you should talk about your experiences

(also idgaf if you don’t “log on” to 4chan or that it’s “not a website”, the fact that any of you know that is shameful and upsetting)

[samuelortezbignaturals]

Bro i uhhhgshhg i love being around trans women it makes me feel same and the only ppl here are skinny white transmascs and i feel like I’m atrophying

[cryptosexologist]

to be honest i find the way a lotta other tma’s discuss lgbt+-sourced transmisogyny to verge on pointlessly annoying, but like, i’m a fuckin ball of personal gendered bullshit to the point my inter/tracommunity solidarity instincts are a bit scuffed (just afab butch lesbian in a ~man’s body~ things i guess*) so my being a joyless rhetoric policing asshole doesn’t really mean much, and also, like, even if the argumentation made is often not the best suited for the situation -not to mention my tendency to distrust any other social theorists besides myself on scrupulosity grounds- The Actual Fucking Oppression Of TMA People Via Transmisogyny Is Still A Fucking Thing. Like Petty Complaints About It Verging On Tone-Deaf On Occasion Don’t Actually Invalidate The Fucking Misogyny Being Criticized

*not ACTUALLY how i’d define my gendered experience, i am in fact a (butch) trans woman who personally doesn’t think her flesh itself is inherently anything much less “a man’s” in shape or function, its just. weird subconcious shit sometimes. its like in a nearby alternate universe i grew up on the other side of that dimorphic coin.

[osmanthusoolong]

Being deliberately vague here, but: it’s not uncommon that I (trans, tme, perisex), am assumed to be tma by medical professionals for a few reasons (if you know me well enough, you know those, if you don’t, too bad). It happens semi-regularly enough that it’s a thing I have internal scripts for (“for _, yeah the surgery was _” “oh I see”) and after that, we can get to whatever the topic is about. Until we do that little song and dance, there’s a change visible like a sudden barometric drop for a minute. Smiles vanish, not so subtle staring at various parts, a little more suspicious about whatever my complaint is.

The difference, crucially, is that it fucking stops immediately after the quick explanation and the smile returns and I’m a person again. It’s chilling, terrifying and a precarious feeling, but it’s also a temporary one with a clear out. And there’s people who act like being unable to escape that pressure drop is totally the same as being mistakenly experiencing it for 30 seconds. Or that it’s limited to occasional interpersonal unpleasantness and not like, an entire system being set up against you if one is part of the group you’re occasionally briefly mistaken for.

[plaidos]

by the way, anybody who says “if you ask me if i’m TME you’re just asking me what’s in my pants” really just has a problem with being conceptualised as somebody who can benefit from transmisogyny.

obviously asking somebody whether or not they are TME isn’t actually asking them their genitals (because. you know. bottom surgery exists? there are trans women with vaginas? i wonder why yall keep forgetting that 🤔) or their assigned gender (because cis men are also TME) — the only problem people have with it is that they can no longer mask their relationship to institutional transmisogyny.

[transmisogyny-explained]

I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share

I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity

this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype

Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao

Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.

You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.

What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.

Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.

Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”

Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:

Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do

Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)

Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?

Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory

Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny

Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it

I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.

As has been said countless times now:

“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.

[thefantastickatinator]

Dropout should hire more trans women.

That said, a couple things about the data set floating around showing disproportionality in casting:

1. 7 of the top 9 (those cast members who appear in over 100 episodes, everyone else has under 70 appearances) are members of the core dimension 20 cast, aka “the intrepid heroes”. This cast has been in 7 of the 22 seasons, with those seasons usually being 20-ish episodes long (the other seasons are between 4-10 episodes long typically). That’s approximately 140 episodes for each of the main intrepid heroes cast members just for these seasons (not including bonus content like live shows). Brian Murphy has appeared 154 times, which means almost all of his appearances were on D20 intrepid heroes campaigns.

2. The other 2 in the top 9 are Sam Reich and Mike Trapp, who are both hosts of long running shows (Game Changer and Um, Actually)

3. 198 of the 317 episodes that noncis “TME” people have appeared in can be attributed to ally Beardsley alone (there is some crossover where for example alex and ally have both appeared in the same episodes). Erika ishii has been in 67 of the 317 noncis “TME” episode appearances i don’t know how much crossover there is between them but i don’t think they’ve been on d20 together so i doubt it’s more than 20. It could be as many as 250 of the 317 episodes that have either erica or ally. Both Erika and ally are majorly skewing the results for the data

4. Over 3/4 of people have no listed gender identity in the spreadsheet - most of them have 1-2 appearances, but a few have 3-4 appearances. I’m pretty sure these people aren’t included in the data at all (some of them i’m p sure are not cis like jiavani and bob the drag queen)

5. The data collector has assigned “tme” and “tma” to various cast members.

TME: transmisogyny exempt

TMA: transmisogyny affected

Now, tranmisogyny can affect trans women, trans femmes, and nonbinary people, and occasionally masculine appearing cis women.

I personally do not believe that an outside person can assign you a label deciding whether or not you experience certain types of oppression- and yet that is what the data collector has done.

I think a more accurate label would be amab/afab, or more honestly- “people i think are amab or have said they are amab and then everyone else”

6. The data does not include many of their newer shows such as Very Important People, Gastronauts, Play it By Ear, and Monet’s Slumber Party, all of which feature trans people (MSP, Gastronauts, and VIP are all hosted by noncis people)

What I think the data more accurately shows:

- Dimension 20 has a “main cast” who have appeared in the majority of episodes

- Dropout has some “regulars” who appear on the majority of their content/shows (sam has referenced multiple times that brennan is one of the first people he calls whenever someone can’t show up for something since he’s nearly always down for anything) - none of these people are trans women

Final thoughts:

I think eliminating “hosts” and the “intrepid heroes” from THIS TYPE of data set would be more appropriate because they massively skew the data when crunching the numbers for dropout shows. Especially since I can tell from the excel sheet that there are shows missing. Examining d20 sidequests and the guests on the other shows will give a more accurate representation of casting. Hosts should be analyzed separately as that’s a different casting process.

Also imagine if we referred to men and women as “misogyny exempt” and “misogyny affected” when doing demographics. Or if someone did a data collection of the number of POC appearances in dropout episodes and sorted it by “racism affected” and “racism exempt” - so weiiiiird

TLDR: the data set has massive issues with its methodology and that should be considered. That doesn’t make what trans women are saying less valid.

In other words: spiders brennan is an outlier and should not have been counted

[drdemonprince]

what do you think is the answer to dealing with the stereotypical “roommate won’t do dishes bc of trauma/sensory issues”? like sure that’s possible it’s difficult & people should be aware of their needs, but when it begins affecting other people, i feel like someone has to consider other solutions—i.e. using paper plates instead of ones they have to wash. it’s also complicated when racial & gender dynamics come in to play. and then when i think on myself as an autistic white trans guy how can i both recognize where i need support but balance it with not recreating bad dynamics? I’m just not sure how we have these conversations while still validating folks experiences & dismissing their problems. we all deserve help but we also can so easily overly rely on others & burn them out especially if we have privilege over them. disability, especially invisible disabilities often become a shield for white folks & men it feels like to get away with shitty behaviors

I honestly think that a big problem people encounter in navigating such issues is that they make what is ultimately going to have to be a personal negotiation of limits and needs into something that is far more symbolic and abstract. it's almost impossible not to, if you care about social justice issues, and I think there are good intentions when people try to be mindful of how race and gender alongside interplay with this stuff, but in practice a lot of times people use their political ideals as a reason to argue against their own feelings or to not be honest about their feelings. people feel like they don't have the right to say that they cannot do something or need support, or that they're pissed off, in an individual level relationship, because they are treating both themselves and their roommate or partner as a symbol of an entire group. I think a person has to be able to tell their roommate when they are being an asshole. I think a person should just be straight up if doing the dishes is something that's not generally going to happen for them -- in unmasking autism I profile Reese Piper, an autistic sex worker who just straight up tells her prospective roommates that doing the dishes is not something she can do, so then they know what they are getting into and can work around it. honest conversations about what a person is and is not capable of and what they need really can vanquish a lot of so-called weaponized incompetence and other domestic issues long before they occur. but all parties involved have to be operating based on good faith. unfortunately not everyone is, sometimes people use their identities or their roommates guilt around structural oppression in order to pressure them to do things that they cannot do, and conversely it is very common for a white or TME roommate to weaponize anti blackness or transmisogyny against a roommate who speaks up about any inequity and portray them as the aggressive one. but I think before somebody gets way way too much in their own head about how a particular conflict looks or what structural issues might be relevant in the aggregate, they really have to start from a baseline level of self-acceptance and the ability to articulate both which household tasks are hard or impossible for them, and when they are fucking cheesed at their roommate for not doing what seems like their fair share. if you feel like you can't name those things, you're never going to actually have a respectful functioning relationship.