#I’m also the only one that does the litterbox

[warmpastries]

in a special hell as I’m 90% certain the dishwasher is (well,was) half-full of my dirty dishes when I awake to hear my roommate putting dishes away. I’ve had to tell them to not take my fucking dirty dishes out of the machine and put them away on my clean ones at LEAST *four* times (I think 5/6 if you include text?) and I am just beside myself at this point. Like I feel like I’m going insane, WHY do they keep doing this???? Do they like making me play “find the dirty dish” bc surely they know that just means I get to do ALL my dishes! On top of their dishes that I do bc they’ve been there all week and there is no longer enough room for me to do mine. To top it off I am the youngest in the house so like… 0 patience for it at this point

[felinefractious]

do you know if theres any harmless tailless genes that can be present in american feral cat colonies? theres a big problem with feral cats where i live and recently a kitten (maybe 6-8 months) has appeared near my property but she has no tail at all, not even a little bob. im extremely worried that the manx gene might be present in the feral colony, even though she's the only one ive seen with no tail. she's too young for it to have been an accident or an amputation, i think, and it looks completely natural. she's super skittish so unfortunately i dont have any pictures

To the best of my knowledge there are 2 types of bobtail genes that have been documented.

The “asian bobtail” is caused by a HES7 mutation. This results in a short, kinked but not absent tail and isn’t associated with any health issues. This gene is responsible for Japanese Bobtails and likely the cause for other Eastern bobtail breeds such as the Kurilian and Mekong.

The “natural bobtail” is caused by a T-Box mutation. The expression of this gene is highly variable and not predictable, ranging from a decreased tail length to an entirely absent tail. This gene is responsible for the Manx and has also been documented in other Western bobtail breed such as the American Bobtail and Pixiebob.

The “manx gene” appears to be somewhat present in American feral populations, as evidenced by the presence of “manx syndrome” in affected moggies.

Bunni has a “stumpy” tail and is afflicted with manx syndrome effecting her gait and resulting in urinary incontinence, needing her bladder expressed manually throughout the day.

Cora has a “stumpy” tail and is effected by manx syndrome resulting in a degree of fecal incontinence which is managed reasonably well on a prescription diet.

Will doesn’t have a listed tail-length but is somewhere on the manx spectrum and has both urine and fecal incontinence due to manx syndrome.

Linguine has a “stumpy” or “longy” tail, based on the one image where it’s visible, and due to manx syndrome experiences urinary incontinence when she’s asleep.

Bob had a “rumpy riser” tail and is fully incontinent due to manx syndrome but wears a diaper without a problem.

Rumpie is a “rumpy” with no tail who has a gait effected by manx syndrome and a degree of incontinence.

Cece is a “rumpy” with no tail and has issues with constipation and doesn’t always make it to the litterbox as a result of manx syndrome.

Bunny, Monkey, Billy Cat and Olaf are all tailless “rumpy” cats with degree of incontinence. Bunny is also lame in a hind leg.

Research has indicated that tailless cats experience a significantly increased rate of manx syndrome - although it can effect any tail length where the gene is present, as seen by some of these adoptable cats.

So that does put your feral at a statistical disadvantage but it isn’t a guarantee she’ll have any clinical symptoms of manx syndrome. That’s part of what makes this gene so insidious, we know rumpy cats are most likely to be impacted but beyond that it’s anyones guess which cats will display symptoms and how severe.

I think these random-bred moggies being mislabeled as manx or manx mixes is the one time I’m not bothered by breed misrepresentation, as the issues the experience are the same as the real deal and it raises awareness of manx syndrome.

More information on manx syndrome for those interested:

Genetic Welfare Problems of Companion Animals: Manx Syndrome

Manx Syndrome in Cats

Manx Syndrome and Spinal Bifida

[copperbadge]

mreisse

As a newish cat owner, I have to ask what you do when you travel. Do you have a sitter come in? Leave food and water, they'll be fine? So far I've been lucky, my family takes care of the fluffbutts, but inquiring minds want to know your process

Figured I’d pull this out and reply to it on main :D If it’s only a day or two I generally don’t bother with a sitter -- like if I’m gone Friday night through Sunday afternoon or something like that. Mine are pretty self-sufficient and not super food-driven so in theory I could leave a bowl of food out with a few bowls of water and they’d be fine for 3-4 days, but two days is about the longest they can go without having their litterbox cleaned (if you have multiple boxes this is less of an issue but mine really only use one, and they share it, so it gets full fast). So if I’m gone any longer -- like this time, when I left Thursday and returned Monday -- I like to have someone come in daily. Yes, some of it is the litterbox, but also it’s just good to have someone looking to make sure they’re not hurt or sick. 

I used to ask friends to do it and depending on the situation I sometimes still will, but part of it was that I couldn’t find a good sitting agency (or individual sitter) who I felt I could trust, because I’d reach out to them and never hear back, which does not inspire confidence. I finally did find a really good agency, Purr Inc, which only handles cats (a lot of petsitters will only sit for cats if you also have a dog). They’re a local Chicago outfit and they’ve been fantastic every time. They send out reminders to “book care now!” before major travel holidays, they do booking entirely online, and you get an email daily with photographs and a little blurb about how the visit went. When I was delayed getting home because of the blizzard last December, I messaged them in a panic like “I’m stuck because of the Southwest meltdown, please can you send someone out for one more day; I know it’s a busy time and I’m happy to pay extra” and they got back to me within half an hour, got someone out there for the extra day, and didn’t charge extra for it. The daily fee isn’t insignificant, I think for the “standard” visit it’s $28/day, but worth it for the peace of mind, and I just budget for that when I travel. 

I found them just by googling “cat sitter chicago” and going through the various service sites until I found one that would come to my neighborhood, didn’t look shady, and responded to me when I asked for more information. 

[l3irdl3rain]

How have Arthur’s peeing issues been lately? Does he ever go for the counter or the sink anymore? Was looking through his tag recently and wondering how things are now. Also thank you for sharing so many pictures and stories of your beautiful scrungly beasts!

He’s been doing wonderful (for him)! I am knocking on wood as I say this but for the past few months he’s only peed in the litterbox.

Poop is another story. He likes to shit near a water source and for awhile I tried to mist his litterbox occasionally but it just wasn’t reliable. He mostly shits in the sink or the shower. I don’t love it, but I consider it a win considering he used to pee on my counter.

My dad actually came up with a great idea to keep him from pooping in the sink. He mentioned sink covers and I’d never even thought of that, so I’m going to get one of those. I’d MUCH rather he poops in the shower bc it’s not nearly as gross. As it is my sink is one of those double ones and he only poops in one side, so I just never use it for any kind of dishes or food related stuff. Still not ideal though.

[lestappenforever]

28. “Look, it’s not my fault we got distracted.” “No? Then whose is it?”

Ohhhh, I like this one!

Here you go, my lovely anon. You're also getting 48. “Don’t lie to me. I’m like a bloodhound. But for lies.”, and 34. “I know, love, I know.” because I found them fitting. ❤️

---

28. “Look, it’s not my fault we got distracted.” “No? Then whose is it?", 48. “Don’t lie to me. I’m like a bloodhound. But for lies.” and 34. “I know, love, I know.”

Max's kitchen is an absolute mess. There is flour everywhere; on the kitchen counter, on the floor, fucking flour handprints on the fridge, which Max has no idea how got there.

(That's a balatant lie. He knows damn well how they got there.)

The bag of sugar has been tipped over and spilled into the sink, which is going to be a bitch to clean up. The cocoa powder has dyed the majority of Max's otherwise pristine white tiles brown, and the mere sight of it is enough to make his temples start aching.

That's definitely going to be a bitch to clean up.

He praises himself lucky that he had enough sense to trick Jimmy and Sassy into the guest room with their dinner (and their litterbox) before embarking on this journey-turned-disaster, because his cats are incredibly curious and will lick anything to see if it's edible. And Max doesn't particularly fancy a trip to the emergency vet this late at night because his cat may have ingested something poisionous to them.

There are three cracked eggs in a bowl that has somehow managed to remain upright, but the shells are thrown haphazardly into the sink.

Next to the bowl is another bowl, this one containing nothing but cream cheese.

Max sighs at the chaos of it all.

"Wow. I didn't think it would be this bad," Charles pipes up from behind him, looking over Max's shoulder at the kitchen. He's holding a can of whipped cream in his hand that is substantially less full than it had been an hour ago.

Max cocks an eyebrow at him. "Maybe you should have thought of that earlier, huh?"

Charles looks at him with an indignant expression.

"Look, it's not my fault we got distracted," the Monégasque says with a huff.

Max snorts.

"No? Then whose is it?"

Charles doesn't answer. Max waits.

Charles still doesn't speak, but he looks Max up and down, which is saying everything his mouth isn't.

"Mine?!" Max almost shouts due to his surprise, turning to face Charles.

The Monégasque is only wearing a pair of black boxers. His brown hair is a complete mess, cheeks flushed and lips bitten red. The base of his neck and his chest are covered in blooming bruises left there by Max's mouth, and there's a perfect outline of Max's hands on his hips.

He looks even more obscene now than he had done earlier, and Max kind of wants to devour him. Again.

"I am not the one who came in here wearing one of my Red Bull polos out of fucking nowhere after refusing to even try one on for months!" Max counters, pointing an accusing finger at Charles.

It wasn't as if it was a well-kept secret that Max wanted Charles to join him at Red Bull. Hell, he'd practically spelt it out in numerous interviews over the years. But Charles and his undying loyalty to Ferrari had ensured that Charles wouldn't even try anything Red Bull related on to appease Max.

Until today. When they'd had things to do. Because tomorrow was Lando's birthday, and the Brit had bullied them into promising they would make him cupcakes. And neither Max nor Charles had the ability to tell him no.

Especially not when Carlos had been standing behind Lando at the time, glaring at them with a look that said 'If you don't make this boy cupcakes for his birthday, I swear to God I will kill you both'.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know me wearing a Red Bull polo would drive you that wild?!" Charles responds in a raised voice.

Because of fucking course it turns into an argument. It always does with two people as equally stubborn as Max and Charles.

"I have literally told you it would on numerous occasions, Charles!"

"I thought you were exaggerating, Max!"

"I obviously wasn't!"

"Yeah, well, I know that now!"

They stare at each other for a long moment, not saying a word. Then Max glances down at Charles' hips, tilting his head to one side.

"Are those my boxers?"

When he looks back up at Charles' face, the Monégasque's eyes widen. Max knows that look. He's trying to look innocent.

"No?" Charles offers unconvincingly.

Max narrows his eyes.

"Don't lie to me. I'm like a bloodhound. But for lies."

Charles snorts.

"So what if they are?"

Max groans, looking at his absolute warzone of a kitchen.

"Charles," he whines miserably, looking back at Charles who presses up against his side and kisses his neck.

"You know, you don't have to take me to bed every time I wear your clothes. We can just clean this up and get back to work," he says against Max's sensitive skin, in a tone of voice that absolutely does not make it sound as if he means it.

Not even a little bit.

"You're a fucking menace," Max tells him as he picks Charles up by the backs of his thighs.

Charles fucking beams at him as he wraps his legs around Max's waist and his arms around his waist, letting the Dutchman carry him.

"I know, chéri. I know," Charles tells him, as he leans in to nibble at Max's earlobe, sending a shiver through him.

"Just so you know, you're cleaning up the kitchen later," Max says, matter-of-factly.

Charles squawks at that, beginning to squirm in Max's hold, but it's useless.

"Max!"

Max just grins as he carries Charles back to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him.

[ionicslime]

Excuse me waiter my full name is,

Ionic "im already in cool mode" "tutorial character" "i will get a color role if you beat the path of pain in hollow knight" " @king-of-fuffies do radiant gruz mother" "ADMIN WATCH DAWGS HES TRY TO CHANGE MY COLOR WITHOUT MY CONSENT" "THERE WAS NO BASEMENT! IT WAS THE SECOND FLOOR OF MY HOUSE!" "i don't know what a bong is. WHAT THE FUCK IS A BONG" "there should be a suggestion box on this server. THEY CALL IT THE LITTERBOX" "im going to take an emergency shit" "YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP THE LEGO ON THE FLOOR" "i was the best man AND the pope" "does this look like the face of mercy" "you own him therefore you are responsible for them" "the" "you are the father" "if im a moth do i deal 2 masks of damage" "my body is ready" "if it needs a color role you'll never take me alive" "it was funny but also" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "cursed" "carleah, not pillar john" "he soaks up more damage that way" "everyone has a horror game dopelganger" "Ruck" "Fuffy get your man’s, He exploded" "I need to find Carleah and steal their liver to take their ability to open the thousand-one year door" "Only then Keane McZupp will explode turning into a bagel at 3 am after ordering the among us happy meal" "ethereal toasters are the only thing that can control toast" "all toasters have secret potato slots" "he is several parallel universes behind" "the internet is a giant mcdonalds" "I’m a ocean" "i cant even throw you, much less pick you up" "he didn't know FedEx had a stand" "funny words magic man" "nothing to see here" "Za Waldo!" "Remember besties, don’t blow stuff in peoples faces unless it’s air kisses, or darts!" "fuffy left me in the car for 4 hours" "There are no mistakey wakeys" "Fuffy I’m like 300% sure you are a pony" "He was pouring out lemonade into the abyss" "**Fuffy was ejected. One Sussy Boy remains**" "The abyss was thirsty" "A funny" "I am not safe for clothes driers" "Can your wall eat a lawn mower" "squirrels do not die at terminal velocity. also theres lizards that fire blood from their eyes as a defense mechanicism" “I bowl like my sexuality: Not straight” "short" "You have 5 minutes to live" "IM A FUCKING CAR KEANE" "\*I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean Edgy" "What is this mario party" "no" "brain issue" "i even crashed your computer" “Seduce the Skeleton!” “Kentucky Fried [REDACTED]” "im scared of my own pasta power sometimes" "He becomes noise pizza tower" "Anything is possible, with the power of Crazy Dave’s Twinkysdinkys" "he eats the golf ball and dies" “Everything is a weapon if you hit someone hard enough” "Happy tale of under unde of tale tdat" "fuffy brain melt. he die" "why are you in my chem textbook" "where is the dinnerbone cat." "Everything is a table." "Was schmoving too hard and bust my ass." "That was just my normal attack. Deploying Unexplainable Gifs" "I am immune to gachas. And they’re immune to me." "Did you know you don’t have organs. The constitution I wrote myself says so." "Go to Burger King" "My attack was so powerful discord crashed" "Fuffy open the door I have 3 sad poems and one sparkler" "If you rearrange final you get fianl" "stop watching cringe and beat the shit out of every boss." “Alright, you’re getting stepped on.” "i am the bio-weapon in youe walls" "*Hello my name is now temporarily humphrey*" "Also I beat up a toaster today," "we got a job to do" Slime

[sabik-sphinx]

Ermm just another callout post

scroll past if you don’t want drama teehee

Callout on Amore_Torre aka Isnezzed a popular NSR/Overwatch artist well known for his Ramyatta artwork. Is accusing me of general abuse and animal abuse. Making this callout because he is practically dragging my name thru the mud and hurting my reputation. So I want clear up the accusations and explain his narcissistic behavior.

accusation #1 - I abuse animals including his rabbit

Just want to start out on the animal abuse accusation. Claiming that I abuse his rabbit and kick it for fun. Getting this out of the way, it is false, shocker. 

He gets irrationally angry if I even touch his rabbit. He would catch me doing this and physically attack me, and say shit like ‘how would you like it if i kicked your cat?’ or ‘i’m going to kill your cat!’. One instance he sprayed me with cleaning chemicals and my skin had a burning sensation for the rest of the day.

For context, he lets his rabbit roam around our house unsupervised. I’ve seen this rabbit hop onto my bed, which I find unsanitary. As well as my cats litterbox. It even used to hop onto the kitchen countertop and knock over the trashcan, yuck. which he doesn’t care if it gets into these things. I take it upon myself to keep the rabbit out of places it’s not supposed to be. I gently nudge it with a stick or rod. This does not hurt the animal at all. I guide it out of these areas, like the litterbox or my bed. You can’t just tell it to get out. Reason why he claims I kick it because sometimes when I don’t have an object to guide the rabbit, I use my feet.

Ironically, I was the one spending a good chunk of my day with this rabbit, teaching it tricks when we brought it home. Because it was in another room and wasn’t receiving attention from him. Also, accusing me of abusing animals when THIS is how he houses the rabbit now.

EDIT: this is another argument he uses to convince people that I abuse animals, is that I collect animal hides and skulls. While yes, I do collect these things, they're done ethically. Most of the skulls I have are natural finds or waste from hunters. The hides I just buy online. Sometimes I do hunt and process my own animals. God forbid, I know. Say what you want about hunting. As long as it's within the law and the kill is ethical, it is not animal abuse. I am against trophy hunting and poaching.

she’s even in the photo for proof lol. But yeah, guess i’m the one who’s abusing animals...

Note: the rabbit isn’t spayed nor does he plan to spay her. He wants to buy another rabbit to breed with his, HELLLL NO. I got kicked from his lil friend group when he brought this up. I told him ‘no more animals’. Bro already abandoned 2 dogs and a cat because he got bored of them after a year. Not to mention his previous dog was sent to a rescue for animal neglect.

Accusation #2- I physically and verbally abuse him.

Uno reverse on this accusation as well. I only hit him if he throws the first punch, I go by eye for an eye. lol anyways, he would start physical fights with me over minor inconveniences, like me being in the kitchen for too long or taking too long in the bathroom. He is physically weak so I hit him back and tell him to knock it off. This works for getting him to stop attacking me. He’ll go back to his room, cry to his friends, and tell them that I abused him. Average child behavior. he’s an adult 

That is how this rumor started.

On verbal abuse, i don’t know how this one came to be since I haven’t spoken or texted him in months aside from a couple short sentences here and there. Yeah Uno reverse on this too, he’s been EXTREMLY verbally abusive towards me. Whenever he sees me he calls me a ‘nasty bitch’ or ‘retarded’ etc etc. And it’s every. single day. Again, I don’t speak to him in person. Although I used to stream on discord and he would come in when no-one else is there and say shit like ‘nobody in the server likes you or wants you there’ ‘you’re an animal abuser and everybody knows it!’. Very passive aggressive in real life as well.

Generic spamming me in DM’s. I have nothing to add here.

Again flooding my DM’s. For context, I don’t have him blocked on discord because he’s not able to use his phone anymore so discord is the only communication he has with me incase of an emergency. 

‘and you weren’t banned from the server you left on your own they already told me, so why you gotta be mad bout it’ OKay, I left one server because he was abusing his mod power on me. (Average discord mod) And the admin didn’t give a shit. BUT I was banned from another server he was in. And i’m not mad about it.

‘stop dragging people into drama’ This is the only time i’m bringing this up. How tf am I supposed to stay silent when there’s a smear campaign against me.

He posted this yesterday for sympathy for i’m going to break it down. He’s the type of person who likes to play victim for everything. Like I stated before, he starts a fight, you hit him back, you’re the abuser, he’s the victim. 

I can explain the ‘low blood sugar moment’ because I was there, wow. It was 4am and everyone’s trying to sleep, he starts complaining that he has low blood sugar and didn’t grab anything while he was in the kitchen. He woke my mother up and begged her to give him something to eat, she refused and told him to get food himself since his room is right outside the kitchen. And so, he started complaining that we didn’t care if he died and whatnot.

‘they want to get rid of me’ He’s insufferable to be around. Honestly, you could just breath and he would call you names. tho i wouldn’t breath around him since he only ever showers once a month.

‘my rabbit being harmed, being physically hurt’ already went over this so I have nothing to add here.

‘fam knows my socials’ No they don’t, only I do. He got upset when he found out our mother made a twitter account because she finds the memes on there to be funnier than facebook. He complained to her that she only made an account to ‘stalk him’. He begged that she’d give him her account name so he can block her. Of course, she refused. So now he thinks his family is stalking him lol

That’s my side of the story since he went around to all his friends who also used to friends with me to mass unfollow and accuse me of doing all these horrible things. No one questioned him and just went along with it. ‘A narcissist will show you who your true friends are’, and clearly these people were not my friends.

the rest is for sympathy. 

I also want to add one more thing. He received 3 gifts during Christmas. 2 sweatpants and a hoodie from his mother. I received one more gift than he did. He got extremely upset by this, that he returned both sweatpants to his mother and remained in his room for the rest of the holiday. Just a couple days ago he took the hoodie mother gifted him and tore it up in front of her and threw it in the trash. I don’t know what prompted this or why he did it, but it goes to show how ungrateful he truly is. 

That is all i’m going to put. There is much much more like him stalking minor for 4 years- that I won’t write down otherwise this would end up being a novel. I’ll save that for another day, who knows.

[genericfangirlnumber4]

On this day 10 years ago (at age 16) I got in a big fight with my dad’s household about how I wasn’t growing up fast enough and I needed to figure out my future already. As an adult, I can’t help but think about what a disservice this was to me. A 16 year old is still a kid. I wasn’t out there doing drugs or spending lots of money or partying or getting knocked up, in fact I was getting better grades at the time than I had been getting the year prior, finally had friends, and had joined a couple of school clubs. I was finally drawing things that weren’t depressing again, I was visibly improving my health, and I was even helping out with the family business. But none of it was good enough because I hadn’t been applying to any colleges and wasn’t seeking part-time work and didn’t feel a need to do more chores than the adults in the house (Why should I do dishes if Adult 2 won’t even get off his ass to put his dishes in the sink? Why should I clean the litterboxes for cats I didn’t ask for if nobody is going to teach me and Adult 3 only does it once a week?).

What this pressure did, what this fight did, was not to help me along the path to adulthood, but instead pushed me further into the depression I was supposed to be improving from, and became one of the echos I heard in my head when I struggled (especially after having to quit college twice). What it did was make me feel I couldn’t ask them for help on those necessary tasks (how do I apply to a college? how do I write a resume? what is a cover letter?) because I had, in their eyes, already failed them anyway. What it did was convince me to return to anorexic/restrictive eating behavior because I clearly wasn’t earning my food, and I only ate when I was being observed because I knew not eating would be seen as another reason to get mad at me. What it did was make me feel this way constantly for years until they kicked me out at 19.

Now at 26, I still haven’t finished college, like I said I quit, twice. But I didn’t fall into debt, and despite my many mistakes along the way, I am now living with my fiancee, and I have a job that allows me to pay our bills while she goes part-time and focuses on her wellness and her art.

That household still seems to think that providing a roof and some food makes them saints, even though the cost of those things was torture, degradation, and being made to feel like an unwelcome burden as a child in my own father’s home, and being insulted for not taking it with a smile. That household still tries to make it out like I was the villain because I didn’t praise them every day and spent much of my time in my room when I was home, and said room wasn’t cleaner than the rest of their house.

But I’m free of them, and I won’t be inviting any but my father from that household to my wedding.

Oh and did I mention 19 is also when I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia and depression and when I told the doctor how long it’d taken to find that diagnosis she was pissed off? Because I started experiencing fibromyalgia symptoms at 15/16ish and had CLEARLY had depression issues from the ALARMINGLY low age of 6? Imagine hearing that about someone in your care and instead of apologizing for never being mindful of their symptoms, you kick them out for not getting a job outside of their abilities fast enough while they’re also trying to go through community college.

[iwillneverforgiveyousunghanbin]

oh god it sounds terrible I’m sorry , I’m sure you’ll be able to pummel through this though because u a bad bitch 😝😝🔥🔥🙏🏻🙏🏻 all the best I really hope everything goes well , will be there w all my support on the side for u <3

on the topic of my new job. There is sooooooo much in house drama going on between the current staff I can only watch and nod. it’s just a somewhat temporary job in the F&B line. But BECAUSE it’s in f&b not only do I get more fit from carrying heavy loads and walking around so so quickly but I also don’t have time to eat at all when I’m the one serving food 🫠 and the biggest downside is that some do the customers are so shitty. Last sunday a guy screamed in my face ( I’d so tell u this story if ur up for it 😬☝️ ) but ya the upside is that I’m getting fit cause no eating and working like crazy does things to make ur waist snatched LOL

🍓 ~

i am totally a bad bitch, you are right. honestly, i'm not at all. i'm literally so reserved irl, but my sense of humor gets me through lmao.

honestly, killing two birds with one stone at work is great. get swole. get paid. i have to do a lot of physical activity walking dogs and cleaning litterboxes for my job so, i get it lmao. but i rarely have to deal with actual people, so i don't envy you. it must be crazy difficult at times. screamed in your face 😭😭😭 not surprised. honestly, just start crying. when i worked in retail and someone screamed at me or gave me a hard time, i would just openly cry. and then it sort of forced the customer to take a step back and be like... oh, wait. i didn't mean to make this girl cry. doesn't always work, but its worth a shot!!

you should eat. please eat food for ME who cannot eat because of my surgery-requiring illness. you're eating for two now. (you're pregnant with me, i'm your child. you're probably like 4 years younger than me, but too bad.)

[stormy333]

Jealous Kitty?

Hey guys welcome to the blog!

           How many of you deal with older cats acting out because of bringing a new animal into the house? Or maybe your eldest cat doesn’t feel he’s getting enough of your attention and affection? Well I know from experience that it’s one not easy to have feuding animals and two not easy to work it out because they can’t talk to us and tell us what’s wrong with them. Similar to dealing with babies in a way, though I'm not a mother, I have watched and been around a few mothers and their babies. I mean think about it. Both babies and animals have no way to verbally express their problems using words. Thus, the actions they take.

          See this applies to all animals, not just cats. But my experience comes from cats my family has six cats and four dogs, (believe me I know it’s a lot). In case you’re wondering out of those six, four are my babies. Jazzy, Jonah, Skitzerlynn and Molly. All four have a very strong attachment to me, things can get a bit sticky so to speak with them all because everyone has a different sort of bond with me. So, with that said Jazzy is my eldest, he has little to no health problems that we are aware of at the moment, well what does that have to do with any of this you might ask? Well, Jonah was feral. I’m the one responsible for taming him and he also has quite a few problems revolving around his kidneys. Molly, her mom wasn’t the greatest and she was the only one to survive from her litter because the rest passed away due to respiratory problems well Molly was close to that when we brought her home. I took care of her and watched her like a hawk creating a similar bond, a strong bond. Then with Skitz well she kinda took up to me without me even trying anything, I was there and she needed someone to cling to I suppose so she just attached like a leech a very adorable leech. And in doing that it took time from my first and eldest causing jealousy, hurt, anger, confusion, and more. So, throughout the years I noticed Jazzy getting more and more aggressive and temperamental, so I did some soul searching and reading and found a book that has stuck with me sense I read it four years ago. The book Ain’t misbehavin’  by John C. Wright who is a certified animal behavioralist. That coupled with some blogs I started piecing things together, so here are some of the things I’ve dealt with from my cat and the ways I’ve sort of tamed the beast.

Things I’ve experienced:

-          Random attacks biting, scratching, etcetera

-          Growling and hissing

-          Aggressiveness towards cats that are typically best friends

-          Urinating outside the litterbox

It’s important to remember that they can’t tell us what’s bothering them using words, so they use what they know.

So, this might sound crazy but sit with your cat when you get a chance and like talk with them. No, they can’t be like “yeah this cat being around is bugging me” but I’ve found every cat is different they all have personalities and you must learn how to handle each one. And some cats tend to have multiple personalities at times (all of mine do). So, for example with Jonah when he’s acting out I talk to him. And with Jazzy talking to him doesn’t quite work so I distract him and give him something to take his anger out on. A toy. I use this old belt I have that has tassels on it (he loves it) and get him to chase and attack the toy rather than us. That way he gets attention and distraction.

The key is finding what works for your pet. And you’re not going to get it fixed right away it takes time. But also, by no means am I an expert so if the problem gets worse or continues you should definitely see your veterinarian.

[ask-a-vetblr]

I'm at my wit's end so I was hoping to get some more perspectives and insights from multiple vetblrs. FTR: I have already asked my vet and she seems to think nothing is wrong with my cat and it's all behavioural, but I've tried everything that is recommended and thensome to try to make this stop and have no clue where to go from here. So I have a senior cat, she has been pooping on the floor in front of the box, or around the box - just, near the box - for several months now. I have multiple litter boxes and she wants just this one area to poop in, just this one box. I have tried feliway and other calming diffusers, I have tried a calming attachment to her collar, I have tried calming litter, (I have used the same litter for long before this but the calming litter is the same brand but since that was out of supply for a while it's been back to the usual), I have multiple boxes in separate places, I have tried using deterrent? and enzyme sprays (Nature's Miracle brands) on the floors, I have tried a lower litter box, I have tried putting as many litter boxes in the location as possible too, I have given up on the litter and am going to another she's known before, I have tried taking away the kittens she didn't like (but brought them back when it didn't cause any changes), I have tried otc painkillers just in case, she does it even right after I've cleaned a box (like as in once I left the room!), if I move the box she just poops outside of it wherever it is now, aaand now she's also suddenly peeing in the same spot too, and I straight up don't get it. I've taken to just putting down puppy pads for the sake of my sanity, but I can't just keep buying pads, especially if she's peeing and soaking the underside of the litter mat while I'm at work Is there ANYTHING else behaviour wise that I haven't tried? There's been no radical changes to... anything in the house. These aren't new boxes to her either. I can't find anything else on google so I hoped y'all might know some other tricks?

gettingvetted here.

Since your vet is of the opinion that this is behavioral, have you discussed the possibility of anxiety relief with them? Also, there are no safe OTC painkillers for cats, so I’m not sure what you’re referring to there. Once your cat is safely on adequate pain relief and anxiety relief, you can progress to Litterbox Boot Camp.

For some reason, I can’t get the document to play nicely with Tumblr, so unfortunately I’m going to have to copy/paste the document rather than link to a downloadable document. But, here goes:

Litter Box Boot Camp: Behavioral Modification for Inappropriate Elimination

All cats who start using non-litter-box places to eliminate need to be encouraged to use the box as the one, and only, suitable place to go. The best way to do this is to give the cat a very simple, routine life where the only attractive place to eliminate is the litter box.

Create a “studio apartment” for your cat. Start with a large dog crate. These are typically made of thick wire and have a removable plastic tray in the bottom. Place in the crate a litter box with litter, a food and water bowl, and an empty plastic cat carrier (the cat’s bed). This gives the cat a place to eat, drink, sleep and eliminate. It’s no-frills but it provides all the cat’s needs. The cat should stay in this “studio apartment” until he/she has used the litter box consistently with no mistakes for 2 weeks. Each level or phase will last two or more weeks, until the cat has been successful using the box for 2 weeks. If the cat fails, then go back to level one.

Level One: Confined to “studio apartment” unless on a leash or in your arms.

Level Two: Confined to “studio apartment” unless within eyesight in same room with you and only out while you are awake/paying attention.

Level Three: Confined to “studio apartment” unless within the same room, or one room away (but still within eyesight) and only out while you are awake/paying attention.

Level Four: Confined to “studio apartment” unless you are at home and only out while you are awake/paying attention.

Level Five: Confined to “studio apartment” while you are at work or asleep. Loose in house when you are home, even if you are not paying direct attention, and while you run short errands (less than a few hours).

Level Six/regular life: Loose in house at all times even when you are not home for more than a few hours/overnight.

This Boot Camp may seem like it’s a lot to do. However, it really takes less effort than you think, especially when you realize you won’t have to spend a significant time every day cleaning the messes your cat was leaving in your house. Also, Level One is a great time to thoroughly clean places where your cat previously eliminated, and brainstorm ways to keep them from being used again once you reach the next level.

Eliminate attractive places to go: Pick up bathmats and throw rugs. Place clean and dirty laundry in closed closets, baskets with lids, or other inaccessible areas. Use of scatmats and other deterrents can also help keep cats off of places they used to go.

[astral-disastral]

So I’m gonna make a random philosophical post about perceptions of self by comparing humans to birds, so if you aren’t into weird existential thoughts, this probably isn’t for you.

So, I took veterinary classes in college. One thing that we learned about was something called anthropomorphism, which is basically applying human characteristics and behaviors to nonhuman things, particularly with animals in this context. This doesn’t sound like an important word to remember or think about, but it is when talking about basic animal needs and separating what we perceive to be a human emotion, when in fact it is not. For example, someone comes in with a cat saying,

“He’s just so mean! He pees on my bed every other day, it’s like he does it on purpose.”

When dealing with a statement like this, you have to separate what the owner perceived as “him being mean” from what is actually happening in the situation to find true cause of this behavior. Some potential causes for a cat peeing on your bed may be his litterbox placement/material, which may make the cat uncomfortable. Medically, they could have something like a bladder infection or a UTI that caused them to do this.

Recognizing when pet owners are anthropomorphizing is important because people often can assign the wrong reasoning to why their animal is doing something, which doesn’t help solve the problem that is causing it in the first place. An owner might find a shelter to surrender an animal to for a behavior that could have been solved, or an animals conditions may lead to further complications if untreated. So as silly as this word is, it’s important to see when pet owners are doing this so you can lead them down the most helpful path for them and their animal.

Here’s where things gets weird

I’ve been think about this word a lot for some reason, and it made me think of how we could reverse this role. How maybe instead of personifying animals through anthropomorphism, I could simplify my own emotions towards myself by putting myself into the perspective of an animal with less complex emotions than my own. So when thinking about this, and my own perception of self, I wanted to put myself “into the mind” of an animal that has a lesser self awareness than I.

So, I thought about my grandfathers old bird. He was an only bird, and had a mirror in his cage that he was obsessed with. I wondered, why was he so obsessed with it? If birds have no concept of self awareness, why did he spend so much time looking at it and exclaiming to himself? Dogs don’t do that, they can’t even comprehend their reflection in the first place. The answer was kind of silly, but also raised even more questions within myself.

Although birds can conceptualize that their reflection exists, they perceive it as a different bird. Upon further research, I also learned that it wasn’t a good idea to have a mirror in their cage, and that this obsession was actually extremely unhealthy for their physical and mental health. Because they think it is another bird, they spend all their time essentially talking to nobody and obsessing over a reality that doesn’t exist, and when put with other birds later in life, it can massively disrupt their social behavior/function with them. And this isn’t a easy obsession for the bird to turn around from once it’s started, since taking the mirror away could cause massive distress because the bird views this image of themselves as a their only companion.

I sat on this thought for a while. Although birds do not perceive their reflection the same way we do our own, I felt there was a lesson to be had by trying to understand why this is harmful for the bird, and how this obsession over the imagine of yourself could be applied to my own extremely complex feelings in comparison. If a bird could be so massively effected by their reflection like this without even being able to comprehend it as their own, what does that say about how deeply I am effected by my own obsessions with my reflection?

This made me think about how long I spend in the mirror, in the selfie side of my phone camera, in the editing process of pictures of myself. I spend a lot of time obsessing, whether it be bad(mostly), or even things that I consider desirable about myself. And I realized,

I’m a freaking bird with a mirror in its cage

Except I can analyze myself with self awareness, I can internalize even deeper what that reflection tells me, I can learn all the same unhealthy obsessive behaviors from an even larger range of emotions and understanding of myself. This perception of myself effects my social function, how I feel about myself when interacting with people, how I choose to communicate based on that perception of my own physical being, how even good obsessions of my image give me a false sense of comfort. This obsession that we see in birds with mirrors, even though vastly different from humans, shows how much perception can effect the psyche even without the full range of human emotions and understanding.

I’m not sure exactly how to wrap up the crazy rabbit hole I just went down, but to all my fellow birds out there, maybe it’s time to take the mirror out of your cage too.

[curiosity-killed]

hua cheng, the accidental person

okay this is for @bodhimcbodeface because i can’t shut up and make this concise enough for discord. spoilers ahead yeehaw

this is...not comprehensive. i’ve written 11 tgcf fics and am generally a bit fixated on Hua Cheng as a character so. there’s definitely things missing but i tried to hit the main points that i thought of while writing? also obviously this is just my interpretation! i do not expect anyone else to be like “ah yes curio the sage is so correct i have changed my thinking on this” like go live your life with your own versions of hua cheng! this is just the hill upon which i have firmly planted myself and from which i refuse to be budged. as u do.

anyway, LONG explanation of my very niche and very uh self-indulgent, not-necessarily-support-by-canon hua cheng apologism LMAO

tl;dr: (this is really Too Long i’m sorry) I think Hua Cheng reluctantly becomes a person during his 800 years of searching, starting from a point where he views Xie Lian not as a person but as an immutable god and focus of devotion and developing into a person who doesn’t really acknowledge that he’s a person because realizing that you want to live and do things for yourself is scary and overwhelming at times, and he ultimately falls in love with Xie Lian during the novel itself as he recognizes and is in wonder of the humanity of Xie Lian instead of his divinity or absolute judgment.

POINT 1: Hua Cheng doesn’t actually fall in love with Xie Lian till the ox cart

but curio! you say, “my beloved!” he calls him his beloved! and the land of tender!!

shhh. IMO Hua Cheng is more Wuming than Hua Cheng for those 800 years. By which I mean, for most of that time he’s, at his heart, a nameless soldier trying to find and serve his crown prince/general/god. He still views Xie Lian as this perfect and immaculate figure—a sculpture, a painting, a work of art that is untouchable and immutable. And he’s utterly and wholly devoted to that figure but devotion is not the same as love

So Hua Cheng is searching and trying to serve Dianxia all these years and then His Royal Highness finally ascends and is a god again and Hua Cheng shows up in all his glory to give this power and strength and wealth to serve him and—

and he’s met not by a powerful and reckless martial god or an unstoppable calamity but by a young man dressed in bridal robes who lets Hua Cheng lead him up a darkened mountain, who doesn’t lash out with spiritual energy or a sword but instead, only eventually, with the cursed bandage he was carrying back in the darkest part of his life.

and i think that throws hua cheng. like he’s had this image of his god all these years, this divine painting made over and over and over again—and he carries that belief and devotion with him, but there’s a crack in the sculpture and the stone is starting to flake off to reveal a human underneath it

so he puts on an approachable, malleable, unassuming skin and finds xie lian collecting scraps and being a lil awkward, a lil bumbling, generous and kind — and i think hua cheng, after 800 years of knowing everything, having everything — I think he looks at this discovery with wonder

Bc tbc this does not mean Hua Cheng views them as equals. For him it’s like, dianxia has even more to him, is even more than I knew. He’s seen Xie Lian as the flower crowned martial god in all his glory and as the white-clothed calamity in all his horror — and now here he is, wonderful, multitudinous, and human

Meanwhile I don’t think Hua Cheng even views himself as a person really, much less a human.

also i mean. the internet & allo ppl prove time and time again that you don’t need love for horniness so. land of tender’s right out as proof on that

POINT 2: The Live For Me thing

so obviously and undeniably, using one person as a reason for living is....not healthy. Not going to argue that. but my take on it personally is that, when Hua Cheng’s a kid who really, actively wants to die and sees no reason for living, Xie Lian gives him a reason to keep going. he doesn’t have to live for himself—that’s too much, that’s too big of an ask—but he’s been given a command and purpose by the one person who’s been kind to him/whom he respects. it’s a little like... “My life has no meaning but my cat needs me to feed him and clean his litterbox and so I need to keep getting up and taking care of him even if I don’t see a larger intrinsic purpose to my life.”

and i think like...it’s easy to forget that for all of books 2 & 4, Hua Cheng is young. He doesn’t live past 18—he’s still like...a kid. And that’s not to say that teenagers/young adults can’t make moral and rational decisions but I’m going to be honest, when I was that age I contemplated joining the Air Force because of tuition assistance and the snazzy uniform despite the fact that I was a vocal pacifist and repeatedly got into arguments with teachers about school rules and conservative politics. It’s not like. The Most Rational and Mature Age, lbr. 

so Wuming is absolutely capable of looking at what Xie Lian is doing and being like “hey maybe war crimes aren’t a great idea” but he is young and traumatized and the one person he believes in, the one person who gave him a reason to keep going, is deadset on this task which tbh I don’t think either of them (or...necessarily...the society in which they live) views as war crimes in the modern sense (which isn’t to say that we as readers should view it any more lightly bc i think the narrative directly and firmly contradicts that idea) but as revenge, as an eye-for-an-eye. so, bad, but character-wise, I think it’s more nuanced than we sometimes consider

anyway back to the fixation on xie lian. i stand by the assertion that in those 800 years, hua cheng wasn’t exclusively focused on xie lian. like was finding and serving him his top priority? oh god yes. undeniably. there is no other version of this story. BUT eight hundred years is like....a lot of time. and i think in that time he started doing things for himself, even if under the guise of serving xie lian. hua cheng is curious and adventurous—he clearly likes to learn even if he plays it off as nbd—and i think he starts to realize that about himself in those centuries even if he doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge or consider it. 

POINT 3: Mt. Tong’lu in General

“okay, sure but what about the thousands of sculptures and murals of xie lian, curio. what the fuck about them.”

Yeah. FINE. okay we will DEAL with this. dealing with this is the entire reason i wrote “(like i do) in the tall grass.” 

disclaimer: this is probably not supported by canon! i also. Do Not care. My Ghost King Now.

so I have two general avenues I take with this:

going back to the devotion > love — when Hua Cheng reaches MTL, he’s seen xie lian beaten and cast down. what do gods need to survive? worship! we see throughout how important divine statues/portraits/etc. are throughout canon. in this interpretation, the cave is a concentration of all that worship in an effort to support and serve xie lian and hua cheng doesn’t view himself like...as part of it. the sculptures could have been carved by any hand so long as they are xie lian and the worship and devotion that goes into their making can support and bolster him.

my personal favorite version: amNESIA IN THE CAVES —okay i don’t have the text pulled up rn but y’know how Guoshi says Hua Cheng was almost dispersed, in terrible condition, etc., when he reached Mt. Tong’lu. so if baby boy is in terrible condition, barely hanging on, etc., then my immediate favorite option is that he doesn’t, at that time, have even the...uh threadbare sense of self he did in life/as Wuming and is running on only a vague and urgent sense of Something driving him—something he has to do, someone he has to serve—and in that case, the paintings and sculptures are part of his trying to piece together and process his memories as he can grasp them and figuring out who he is/what his purpose is. Is this canonical? PROBABLY NOT. and yet here i am. firmly planted on this hill

Also w/ MTL I think a thing that’s often skated over is the mortals, creation of E’ming, and his ascension. Which is important from a meta lens of Hua Cheng and Xie Lian vs Jun Wu but that’s not the point of this rambling monstrosity and i’m trying not to get too distracted. ANYWAY I think this is one of those times when Hua Cheng does something that he would probably excuse as like “well His Highness would’ve wanted me to” or “His Highness wouldn’t have been willing to sacrifice the mortals” because Xie Lian is still largely his moral compass—but it also is a peek at the complexity Hua Cheng doesn’t acknowledge within himself.

uh i got distracted anyway and no longer know what point i was making here. Hua Cheng Ascension Important....maybe i will remember this at some other point...

POINT 4: Live For Me (Revisited)

I sort of got distracted writing that point but anyway coming back to it now: I maintain that although Hua Cheng’s primary pursuit is protecting and serving Xie Lian he also does develop/realize his Accidental Personhood throughout his 800 years. this includes a lot of things, as previously stated, that are under the guise of serving Xie Lian (I’d put learning the Banyue tongue, finding out about the Gilded Banquet, collecting swords, beating the 33 officials etc., in this category) and things that maybe could be but...are not really (e.g., his friendship alliance with He Xuan, Paradise Manor* in general, the Gambling Den, learning the Wuyong tongue, bullying Qi Rong*, bullying FengQing*, playing with gold foil palaces, etc.)

(*these are ones that like...could be said to be for Xie Lian and I think he might say are for Xie Lian but also have a personal element that is just for him. 

Like yes Paradise Manor is a lavish and well-stocked residence fit for a god or crown prince...but it’s also a luxurious and extravagant collection of all the things he couldn’t have in life. it’s like giving a kid a credit card with no limit and letting them run wild through uh. Fuck. A Fancy Department Store. 

And sure Qi Rong was awful and turned on Xie Lian in pretty damning ways, but I also genuinely think part of Hua Cheng’s grudge with him is from the childhood abuse and from just...hatred that Qi Rong is around and looks like Xie Lian and gets to be there when Hua Cheng can’t find Xie Lian (which is about  Xie Lian but for Hua Cheng). 

Similarly with FengQing, sure a lot of his hate is for them abandoning Xie Lian—but he doesn’t even know till Book 3 when they abandoned him, and consider how much more he hates Mu Qing, the guy he blames for kicking him out of the army, etc. Some of it is totally “in service” to Xie Lian but some of it is because Hua Cheng carries a grudge like a goddamn pro and finds catharsis in beating the shit out of immortals who bounce back and can’t stop tripping over themselves and onto his blade.)

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

An AU where Perry is a human and he is Phineas and Ferb’s uncle, but everything from the show that happened, does happen. For example, Perry gets taken to the pet wash. Or Perry pee’s on Doof’s couch. Or Perry “lays” an egg. The only person who thinks this is weird is Doof. What is going on in my brain? Lol-

FJKSDHFKJADSHA THIS IS SENDING ME OMFG SHFJSFSADJKFSDK not even gonna lie, the fact that it’s Doof of all people that finds this weird is fucking hilarious because ordinarily he’s the one who’s super oblivious and now for the first time in his life he’s the smart one. He’s gotta be wondering if he’s actually the weird one here and he just doesn’t understand American customs (kinda like how he didn’t know about New Year’s resolutions until he was 47) 

Now I wanna know how “Happy New Year!” worked purely because of that one joke that was like “Perry, the Platypus, you can’t come in here! This is a black tie affair!” *Perry disappears and reappears in the top half of a suit* “Actually, I guess it doesn’t specify pants anywhere so I guess you’re okay!” because like does Perry literally walk back into a black tie affair without pants? Does he at least have underwear on? 

And what about the platypinator in “Doofapus”? Does Doof still turn himself into a platypus to be evenly matched with a human with a platypus code name?

How does “Oh, There You Are, Perry?” work? Like that scene where Phineas and Ferb are looking through a bunch of different Danville platypuses to find Perry? Are they still platypuses, and if so, do Phineas and Ferb still have to look through all of them to assure themselves that none of them are their uncle? Or are there a bunch of almost-identical clones of their uncle in their backyard? Is that like some weird version of the whole  Perry clones thing except, like, human? And Phineas and Ferb still don’t think it’s weird?

WAIT what about the beginning of at2d with the whole “involuntary reflex” thing like are they giving their uncle scritches? Do they make two giant human Perry bots to play Perrypult badminton? 

WAIT AGAIN you said he peed on Doof’s couch but does that mean he also uses a litterbox? Is he a fully grown man who pisses in a fucking litterbox, and that’s how he got the Flynn-Fletchers to go to Hawaii for vacation? And Phineas didn’t find that at all weird until at2d when he found out Perry’s a secret agent, and his problem isn’t that Perry was using a litterbox, it’s that he made them clean it up?

I’m sorry I am having way too much fun thinking about this omfg if anyone else has any ideas for weird ass scenes please hmu fhjkdasfhkjlads

[inkabelledesigns]

BATIM in Sims 4: Playing with the Drews

So if you guys play the Sims 4 and you haven’t checked out @startistdoodles​ ‘s gallery yet (SurfingEevee), you should. She’s made a lot of amazing stuff, some of which I definitely need to incorporate across my worlds because they’re just that good. But today, I’m gonna share my experience playing with one of her households: The Drew Household. It’s no surprise that we here in the Bendy community love our AUs and multiple interpretations of the canon, and I’m no exception, so getting to play with a household that’s Hyde, Gingie, and Snowy as roommates is not only awesome, but incredibly funny at times. So let’s dive in and have some shenanigans!

And of course the first thing we’re greeted by is this! X’’’D Okay, so Star warned me upfront that this household has some custom content, and seeing as I’ve never played with custom content before, I don’t have all of the same assets downloaded. That being said, nothing could’ve prepared me for the laughter I had when this popped up. I’ve been trying to find something close enough to replace the missing hair and clothing with, and I think I’ve made it work for the most part. Sorry Gingie, not even magic can stop you from balding eventually. X’’’’D

That being said though, when I went to go and give them back their hair and clothes, I opened up the clothes just to see what they were wearing. And Hyde lost his pants. ^^’’’ Hyde honey, no! XD I know we’re in a pandemic, and it’s easy to get away with this, but you have to wear pants. I believe Snowy was also missing some pants in the Sports category, but for whatever reason I can’t find any screenshots of it. 

Another interesting thing: Star, you really outdid yourself on the details! It took me a while to figure out whose room was whose, but this little detail in Hyde’s, just -chef’s kiss- I really like that. Everything is so aesthetically pleasing. Though there is one hilarious thing I need to call out, and that’s the basement. 

Hyde’s “ink machine” is a cupcake machine. And that is honestly the best thing ever. X’’’’D Thank you, that made my day.

I’ve only gotten to play with this household a handful of times, but let me tell you about my playthrough last night. A LOT went down. So first, I learned you can have sims cuddle? And I really love that option???? Like oh my god, MJ and Dad spending quality time together is the sweetest thing, and this just melted my heart! Though speaking of MJ, she and Hyde got stuck on so many objects. The poor girl almost missed school and would not listen to me telling her to go there until I rearranged like all the furniture from Snowy’s room. I can’t explain why this happened, but it was so frustrating yet oddly funny. X’’D Also, there’s a rat in the basement, and Hyde could not fall asleep as a result of it skittering around, so he got really emotional. I’ve never dealt with rats in the Sims before, but every time I tried to set a trap, it told me he couldn’t move. Hyde’s settings have him only moving around by turning into a bat, and I thought that was the problem. So I called Gingie and Snowy down to take care of it, but neither of them could do it either. I eventually realized that I had to move Hyde’s sculpture bench to get at the hole, and all three of them set a trap as soon as I did, so that at least worked out. 

Next, we followed Snowy to work, just because I was curious and had never played through any of the law enforcement jobs before. He did a good job, but while I was there, this happened. No matter where your Sims live, you can run into other households you’ve made while out and about, and since this is my designated Bendy file, sometimes I see these guys. Goodness knows I’ve run into Henry a few times in places I didn’t expect him to be. So while that aspect isn’t surprising, I do have to ask: Bertrum, why the absolute heck are you at a police station in nothing but swim trunks?! Bertrum WHY?! X’’’D Sadly I could not get an interaction, since Snowy needed to rest on a bench for a hot minute, but maybe one day. For whatever reason, Bertrum does not keep his clothes on, which is very unlike how I imagine his canon self is.

A lot of other things happened once Snowy was home from work. The kids were home from school, Gin was out doing some gardening, and Hyde was exactly where I left him, listening to the radio and tapping his toes (he seems to do that a lot). Hyde spent a lot of time looking at fish and popping up out of nowhere. At one point he and Snowy were chatting, and he blew up in Hyde’s face, so Hyde got really sad and had an emotional breakdown in front of a guy I was trying to steal blood from. That was something. It actually glitched really bad, so I left the lot and came back, only to discover my victim had changed into sports-wear and THEN got bitten, so that happened. X’’D At some point MJ and Ivy were trying to go to sleep, but there was a monster under the bed, so they ran and woke up Gingie to come take care of it, but then he got inexplicably scared? I don’t know if it was from the monster, but I’d like to think it was. He just did not want to be in the hallway. XD But he consoled both of them, sprayed the monster, and everything was fine. Gingie was also the only one responsible enough to take care of Wanderer. The collision issues struck again, and the poor girl could not find her litterbox (it’s in the bathroom downstairs). So I had Gingie carry her to it, and then she was good for the rest of the night. MJ also had fun with the pretty kitty, they played a bit before everyone went back to sleep, which was nice. 

Last but not least, my file has indicated that it’s Love Day in world. And I think this is where I need to go play on a different household until the day ends. ^^’’’ I feel so bad for Hyde, this is his only desire for this day and I can’t fulfill it. I’m sorry buddy!

But yeah, that’s been our evening here in the Sims 4! I’ll be back with some more household shenanigans another time. After all, this wasn’t the only household I played with last night. Once again, thank you Star for sharing this lovely family and house up on the Sims 4 Gallery! I’m not usually one to play with a household unless I’ve made it, but there’s something fascinating about playing with these fellas and all their quirky antics. The girls are so precious too, even if they do keep trying to sleep in the rain (I gotta figure out a new bed situation for them). I’m just kind of letting them do their own thing for the most part, I’m just playing babysitter to make sure their needs are fulfilled (though I am totally making some cursed cupcakes later XD). Hope you all enjoyed the shenanigans! 

[specialmindz]

“PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS WHERE ARE YOU?”

BUBBH!           

“PAPYRUS!”

Sans poked the baby bones currently playing the bathtub. “hey uh, bro? i think dad wants you…”

“PAH-PYRUS!”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“WHAT YOU WANT STINK DADDY? I’S MAKING MOOSIC OVER HERE!”

The infant continued splashing in the tub, the bubbles floating gently through the air with each slap the water received. “UNDER DA’ SEA! UNDER DA’ SEEEA! DOWN HERE IT WETTER, DOWN HERE IT BETTER, TAKE IT FROM BAY-A-BEEEEE!”

CAP CAP CAP!

CA-THINK, WHAM!

“ugh! dad, you don’t have to slam open the door like that-”

“WHERE’S MY KEYBOARD, YOU LITTLE SHIT?”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“I don’t know what you’s talkin’ bout’. What is dis ‘key-board’ you speak of? Is a board game?”

“YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS! YOU USE IT WHEN YOU’RE USING MY COMPUTER! TELL ME WHERE IT IS THIS INSTANT!”

SPLASH!

Papyrus stopped. “Why you need it so bad? You’s a scientist, not a moosician! I’S the only one with musical talent round’ here! Listen to mah jams!”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“UNDER DA’ SEA-”

“THAT’S THE WRONG KIND OF KEYBOARD!”

“uh oh,” said Sans, studying the water. The surface of it was almost completely obscured by bubbles, but he had a good idea of what lay beneath. Papyrus normally didn’t even like bubbles, as they got in his eye sockets and made it hard to see where he was swimming, but today he actually asked for extra suds in order to create “special effects” for a “concert” he was performing.

It looked like Gaster had the same idea too, as a trademarked sigh of unmistakable misery escaped him.

Heh heh, it’s like watching a balloon slowly lose its will to live…

SPLASH SPLASH, SPLASH SPLASH!

“It’s under the water isn’t it?”

“Nyeh?”

“My keyboard. It’s underwater.”

Papyrus looked down at the water and then back up at his father. “I do bad Daddy?”

“Yes Papyrus, you’ve made a mistake...”

“I fuk up yo’ life?”

“Yes Papyrus, you’ve ‘fucked up my life,’ now give me my keyboard so I can repair it.”

“Mmm…no. No, I’s gonna fix it. I already has an idea, in fact! I can still make dis work.” Papyrus licked the water. “Yep. Daz the problem. That’s the problem right there. I got the suds, but the water not be salty enough. SNAS!”

“AHH! wh-what? what do ya’ want pap?” asked Sans, putting a hand against his skull.

“Well FIRST, I’d like you to pay attention,” said the baby. “We gots a situation over here and you’s dreaming bout’ eating Sabastian!” The infant pointed to a dead crab floating in the bath near his feet. It had CLEARLY been eaten a long time ago by someone else, probably a human seeing as Papyrus got all his stuff from the Dump, but apparently the shell was all he needed to play pretend.

“I needs you to search the Powder Place and finds the salt,” said Papyrus, now pointing at the bathroom cabinet.

The bathroom cabinet was where the family keep their cleaning supplies. Heavy-duty powder that was used to clean up serious messes regular soap couldn’t handle, pest control bottles that sprayed foul-smelling chemicals, and copious amounts of baby powder lined the floor of the cabinet. Some of the bottles and boxes were neatly arranged, but most of the supplies had been knocked over, their contents scattered everywhere due to a combination of missing lids and an unsupervised baby…at least that’s what Papyrus said.

His little brother didn’t like the Powder Place very much, and at one point he even tried to do something about it, admitting fully that he had once purposely spilled the contents of the baby powder in order to make the area smell like an infant rather than Catty’s litterbox room. It was Papyrus’s argument that cleaning supplies should never smell like fresh fruit.

“Be careful Snas, it may smell delicious in there, but erything be poison. Big people’s use it as a trick to kill off fat babies.”

“Don’t be absurd! That’s not even close to being correct.”

“Yes it is. Big people’s like their monies and a fat baby is a baby that eats alllll the time. Food costs money, so they buy poison that smell like food to get rid of the baby without legal con-see-quences.”

“That’s not true, who TOLD you that?”

“Dirt-Butt.”

“*Sigh*”

Of COURSE it was Dirt-Butt.

“Dirt-Butt” was ALWAYS saying nonsense, though it really didn’t bother Gaster as much as every other source of knowledge the infant found. He was usually relieved in fact. Papyrus was used to getting stereotypical info from the media, but the things Dirt-Butt told him more often than not, actually kept him out of trouble.

If only headaches weren’t still the norm…

 “NO DADDY, DON’T USE DA’ LECTRICAL HOLE! DIRT-BUTT SAY PICHU LIVE IN THERE!”

“…What?”

“dirt-butt told pappy that pikachus were electric mice who made their homes in electrical outlets,” explained Sans, playing a game on his phone.

“IS TOO! PIKACHU’S BABIES LIVE IN THERE! YOU’S GONNA POKE EM’ IN THE BUTT!” Papyrus covered the holes of the outlet with his hands, Determined to save his fellow infants. “Dirt-Butt says only big people can get poked in the butt, he also say-”

“Pikachus do NOT live or make their nests in electrical outlets.” Interrupted the scientist. “No one does.”

“Yes they do! Dat’s why the tricity gets used up. Pichu eat da’ power so they can gets big, is their nutrients!”  

Gaster shook his head. “No. The reason you don’t want to stick things in here is because you’ll be electrocuted. Dirt-Butt lied. You need to pay more attention to people when they’re talking Papyru-”

“You gets elly-cuted cause’ you piss off Pikachu.”

“Did you not hear me?”

“If you poke the babies, you gets zapped.”

“Papyrus.”

“I KNOWS MAH ANIMALS DADDY!”  

“SNAS, MORE SALT!”

“NO, do NOT put salt in your brother’s bathwater, it’s terrible for bones,” said Gaster reaching into the cabinet. He pulled out the salt, but was immediately met with a wet keyboard to the face.

CACK!

“PAPYRUS!”

“GIMME MAH SALT STINK DADDY! IS MINE!”

“No, it is NOT yours-”

“GIMME MY SALT OR I’S GONNA TELL UPON YOUUU!”

“You do that.”

“I WILL! I’ll tell upon you and you’s gonna get in trouble! I tells em’ you taked the salt and tried to make a baby stew…” said Papyrus smiling.

“Wh-”

“I’ll tell eryone you putted salt and carrots in mah bath and eryone will hate you. They’ll go ‘poor baby Pappy, he has such a bad wife, his daddy try to cook him for supper! We should ah-rest that bad guy and donate lossa monies to that baby’s fundraiser so their family can eats!”

“…What fundraiser?” asked the father, sensing trouble. He immediately regretted saying anything. In fact, he regretted it before the second word even came out of his mouth, but by then it was already too late.

“MY fundraiser. Baby Pappy’s Happy Nappies for Crap Bs!” Papyrus grinned and spread his arms out wide as if in celebration.

“’Crap B’s…?”

“Crap babies. Babies who not geniuses like me. Snas say, other baes not as fortunate as us, so I should be nice and share mah toys.”

“…”

“I don’t wanna do that, so instead I makes a fundraiser to get the inferior infants nappies!”

“Papyrus-”

“Nappies is diapers.”

“I know what nappies are,” said Gaster, already annoyed. Though the fundraiser’s name was enough to prove to Asgore that he wasn’t responsible for whatever came from his youngest’s latest money-making scheme, he still had to put an end to it. If he didn’t, he’d have the king’s citizens knocking at his door, and things were already getting bad in that regard.

More and more monsters had fallen ill from Hotland’s toxic fumes due to the fact that the Underground’s air filter lacked the power to operate and the more…unreasonable, individuals were getting upset. With the Lab being the closest medical building, the sick were often brought in and placed into the renovated Medical Ward. What was once mostly a living room was now a warehouse of beds, stretching almost from one end of the room to the other and lined with monsters of every variety.

Not that he was running out of room or anything.

The monsters there weren’t being cured, but rather drained of their magic to create magic crystals, a brilliant, if cold-hearted idea to be sure. This however, was necessary, though it had a severe consequence as it resulted in an increase of the Fallen; monsters who had lost too much magic and so had fallen into a comatose state. If the comatose had a chance of waking, he wouldn’t have dozens of family members banging on his door and flooding his email with questions, but sadly that wasn’t the case. Those that fell, fell to dust. There was no waking them…at least he didn’t THINK so…Gaster admittedly hadn’t bothered to experiment with that kind of thing yet.

I’m raising two children, keeping the oil reservoir under control AND a secret, trying to come up with a permanent solution to our power problem, logging the names and the number of incoming patients, making magic crystals, recording Papyrus’s progress, AND fixing HIS messes; I don’t have the TIME to meddle in monster mortality.

“uh, dad? papyrus just ran out the door giggling.”

“Wh-what?” Gaster looked about the bathroom to find that it was, indeed, missing a baby. “Why didn’t you stop him?!”

“he ran right past you, so i figured it was okay.”

“Papyrus by himself is NEVER okay, you should know that! Where did he go?” He poked his head out of the doorway and looked down the hall. A wet trail of baby tracks led into the darkness and he could just faintly hear the clacking sound of tiny bone feet getting farther and farther away.

“he said something about ‘customer satisfaction’ or…whatever. i wasn’t really paying attention-”

“GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND GO GET YOUR BROTHER!”

“*siiiiigh* FINE. PAPPY? WHERE YOU AT BABY BRO?”

“I SAID ‘GET’ NOT ‘YELL’ SANS!”

Lazy little…

“uuuughh!” Rolling his eyes, Sans shoved his phone back into the pocket of his hoodie and walked out the door. “PAPPYYYY! HEEERE PAPPY!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE!”

Wiping off his ruined keyboard, Gaster tucked it under his arm and followed his oldest.

He already knew where the little bastard was headed.

Earlier in the week, while he was sweeping dust off the beds, he had found a little white diaper under the covers. ALL of the beds that once held the Fallen, had them in fact. It was obvious that Papyrus was putting diapers on the comatose patients, but until today, he never knew why.

“…those aren’t babies pappy,” said Sans from far off.

“Course they are! Daz why they sweep so much. Cwap babies don’t do much Snas, they just eat, sweep, and doody in their diapies. Some of them pay wit toys, but-”

“PAPYRUS GET OUT OF THE MEDICAL WARD!”

Papyrus turned his head to look down the hall, then, waving at his daddy, he turned back around.

“PAPYRUS!”

“Shoosh, stink Daddy! You wake da’ babies!” The tiny skeleton looked at the fluffy, unconscious dog-monster. “So tell us, doody-dog…how satisfied are you wit mah pro-duct? From one to a hundred?”

“…”

Papyrus lifted the dog’s head, “Eleventy-six!” exclaimed the baby bones, “I’d definitely wear another! Mah only complaint is the lack of hole for my stupid dog tail-”

“*pfft!* pap-”

“THERE SHOULDN’T BE ANY COM-PAINTS!” yelled Papyrus into the dog’s face. “DIS A FUNDRAISER, YOU BE GATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU GET, SUCK-BABY!”      

“…”

“he’s not answering you bro.”

“Cwap babies not talk much Snas, but the result be clear. They satisfied…and now I must expand mah business!” cried Papyrus, raising a finger in the air. “TO WATERFALL!”

“huh?”

Using his wingdings, Papyrus picked himself up and placed his little body atop his brother’s skull, apparently expecting Sans to take him to his destination with haste.

He didn’t.

“pap, i don’t know what EXACTLY you’re trying to do, but it’s probably not a good idea; you’re naked and dad was-”

“TO WATERFALL SNAS!!” repeated the baby, louder this time. “TIME BE MONEY, HONEY!”

“don’t call me that.”

SPL-SPLASH!

Teleporting to Waterfall, the two brothers fell into the water near the docks, Papyrus slipping from his sibling’s head almost at once.  

“NYEHHHHAAH! WHY YOU PUT US IN DA’ WATER SNAS? THE FISHIES SEE MAH BUTT!” The infant covered his rear end with a tiny hand, using the other to grab hold of Sans’ hoodie.

“then you shoulda listened to me huh?” replied Sans, CLEARLY not sorry at all. “besides, you know i can’t control exactly where i show up!”

Just the area in general…

“DON’T LOOK AT MAH BUTT CWEEP FISH!”

TAP!

A strange tapping sound drew the older boy’s attention, and Sans turned his head to see old man Gerson walking along the docks, cane in hand, while the baby batted at the curious fish.

“What’s all the commotion over here?” asked the turtle, scratching under his chin. He looked a lot more ancient when he was in full view. Sans usually only saw him in his shop, as did everyone else. It was rare to find him wandering around, as Undyne had a habit of taking it upon herself to scavenge for supplies at the Dump and present it to him to selling. Because of her, he never really HAD to leave anymore.  

TAP, SHIFF!

The old man got closer and peered down at the two in the water, holding a magnifying glass to his eye. “Wahhaha, of course, of course it’s you, Papyrus. Giving your brother trouble I see!”

Does he bring that everywhere with him?

“it-it wasn’t pappy’s fault, i made a mistake,” said Sans quietly.

“Is that so? Well you two shouldn’t be bathing in the same place we water folk get our food, might get a taste for skeletons! Wahhahaha!” He laughed again, but the little Horror wasn’t as amused.

“DON’T EAT DA’ BABY!”

“we weren’t bathing…i just…took a wrong turn or something…”

“You weren’t? Then where are your brother’s clothes?”

“CTHULHU TOOK EM’! I seens it, wit my own widdle eyes, Wrinkle-Man!” said Papyrus, splashing in the water.

“Really? Well that’s just awful! Isn’t that awful Sans?”

“please don’t encourage him.”

“They must be pretty mean to do something like that; picking on a poor little cherub like you.”

“Yep, I’s a sad cher-chero-cherrio. A very sad cheerio Wrinkle-Man, baby’s don’t gots lots of monies ya’ know? How I supposed to buy new jammies wit no monies?”

“That IS an issue,” said Gerson warily, sensing an approaching problem. He turned to Sans, but the child only glared at him, his expression giving the answer to the old man’s unsaid plea.

You started this, now YOU can deal with it.

I’m not helping you.

“Ya’ know what would make this little cheerio happy again Wrinkle-Man?”

“cherub, pappy.”

“*Sigh*…What’s that?”

“If you would accept dis diapie.” The baby bones held up a soaked diaper, possibly getting it from out of Sans’ pocket.

“oh, that’s right, i didn’t check my pockets today.” He looked down at his clothes sadly. Whatever was in there today was probably ruined now by the water.

Papyrus tended to hide things in his brother’s hoodie.

Every once in a while, the kid comedian would reach into his pocket to find crayons, candy, a kaleidoscope, bouncy balls, a yo-yo, and sometimes even makeup in his pocket. They were fun little surprises that he enjoyed, like tiny gifts. They obviously belonged to his sibling, but liked Papyrus liked to say “what’s mine is yours,” so he considered them gifts.

The big treasures were his favorite, as they were rare and akin to getting surprise packages in the mail. He’d wake up in the morning and go to the place on the floor near the dresser where he always threw his hoodie and be excited to find a big lump covered by his clothing. A sign that his brother had hidden something neat.

You’d think he’d quit hiding things with it by now. He’s gotta know I’m stealing em’…

One time, Sans even found a skateboard hidden under it. He played with it a lot, and got pretty good, but when he started doing tricks, Papyrus became…unhappy. He remembered his baby brother screaming in terror and crying when he showed him a kickflip for the first and last time. He remembered feeling super guilty about it too. He only had 1 HP after all; if he fell, it was bye-bye big bro.

The skateboard now sat in a corner collecting dust, a sad reminder of what could have been.

“I don’t need a diaper yet kiddo!” said Gerson, slightly insulted.

“Sure, you do! All old peoples need diapies and all we asks in ass-change is dat you gives us a small donation.”  

“A small donation’ hm?”

“Yep, for just thirty-twelve G, you could have this super absorbent, long-lasting diaper. Yo’ donations go to the Happy Nappies Fundraiser where we will buy MORE diapies and gives them to the less fortunate.”

“…It sounds like you’re selling diapers for 3,012g, FAR more than they’re worth. That’s thirty-twelve right? 3,012g?”

“Correct. We uses the extra monies to buy more nappies.”

“That’s not a fundraiser young’un’, you’re supposed to be raising money for charity. If you’re selling these to the babies here in the Underground-”

“I not sell to babies, I GIVE to da’ baes!”

“…But their parents pay for them.”

“Yes.”

“That’s not a fundraiser, you’re ‘hustling’ as the kids say.”

“No! I not hustle, I BUSTLE! The fundraiser be for babies, THEY gets the diapies for free, not the big peoples.”

“you’re either not understanding bro, or you’re trying to cheat people.”

Probably the latter.  

“Daz not too. I buys diapies for the peoples who needs em’ and I use the rest to buy stuffs dat I need...like my jammies. Erybody wins.”

Papyrus attempted to climb out of the water and then, realizing his arms weren’t strong enough to pull him up onto the dock, he summoned his wingdings and placed himself onto the planks.

RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE!

“ugh, pap!” Sans covered his face as his tiny and inconsiderate sibling shook his body back and forth like the dogs in Snowdin, attempting to rid himself of the water.

“Wahahaha!”

SQISH!

THAP THAP THAP!

The infant squeezed the diaper in his hands and whipped it in the air, sending beads of water every which way. He knew it would probably not be the most absorbent product he ever sold, but perhaps the old monster would still want it for catching doodies…?

“bro, that diaper’s ruined, you’re not going to be able to sell it. look, it’s torn…”

“Nyeh?” Papyrus looked at the nappy in his hand. It seemed fine just a minute ago, but now it was all stretched out and worse yet, the sticky parts that were meant to hold the diaper in place wouldn’t stick anymore. He tried several times to get them to, but the front kept falling open.

Sans was right.

His product was ruined.

“NYEHHHHHAAHHHH! SNAAAAAAAS!”

“*sigh*”

“MY DIAPIE BE BOKEN SNAS! NYEH-HAAAHHHH!!!”

Sans got out of the water and picked up his baby brother. “don’t cry pappy,” he said, bouncing him up and down in his arms. “it’ll be okay.” He patted him on the back, but the baby bones refused to stop crying, still clutching the diaper in his little hand.

“Oh dear…hmm…tell you what,” said Gerson, pulling a wallet out of his shirt pocket. “I’ll buy your nappy at 2,000g, since it’s damaged. A young’un’ needs a pair of clothes, right?”

“our dad didn’t sell his clothes if that’s what you’re-”

“Shu up Snas, YES PWEASE MR. WRINKLE-GUY!” yelled Papyrus, suddenly all smiles. “I WOULD VERY MUCH AH-PEA-CIATE THAT!”

“PAPYRUS!”

“WAHHAHAHAHA!” laughing loudly, the tortoise-monster gave him the money. “Looks like this old man’s been outmaneuvered in marketing! I better watch out!”

“Nyeh hee hee hee!”

“…”

“Oh, don’t look so glum, my boy. Your brother needs this practice in order to protect you in the future! He’s gonna be quite the young warrior, isn’t that right Papyrus?”

“…There will be war.”

“WAHHAHAHAHA!” Mr. Gerson laughed again and walked back towards his shop. He tended to laugh a lot when Papyrus was present, though seeing him also made the elderly monster a bit sad too.  

Sometimes I miss the old days when a lot of these little guys were around…

Maybe one day, nature will fix our past mistakes. I just hope it doesn’t need help…or that it’s not too late.

TAP, SHIFF!

TAP, SHIFF!

“…that wasn’t very nice bro.”

“The business world is a harsh one, Snas,” said Papyrus, counting his G. “You needs to pactice too big Buther. One day, you’s gonna need to help da’ baby, ya’ know? Is sad dat you has no monies of your own. Just cause’ you gots 1 hp, don’t mean you’s useless. You gots a brilliant mind, put it to good use.”

“i don’t need life advice from a crook.”

“Kay’ when you gets a life, come see da’ baby.”

“i HAVE a life, you little asshole! it’s just isn’t a life of crime.”

“No crime no dime, big Buther. Sometimes you gots to break the rules to get da’ jewels! Tell Daddy he either pay you for help, or he pay fines for child labor.”

“that’s blackmail.”

“Is genius is what it is.”

Sans chuckled and put the money in his hoodie. “why would you need my help bro? unemployed monsters down here are a dime-a-dozen!”

“…”

“all jewel need to do is lie and they’ll help you out. i don’t need to do anything, heh heh…”    

“…You needs to pactice yo’ font too.”

“fine-”

“SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM DA’ BABY!” yelled Papyrus, kicking his legs.

“i can’t leave you here, child abandonment is a crime-”

“DAZ NOT EVEN A PUN!”

“besides, crawling all the way home would be a bit labor-ious, wouldn’t it?”

“IIIII HATE CHUUUUUU!!”

CAP, CAP!

CAP, CAP!

Oh crap, someone else is coming. I need to get Pappy back in some clothes or-

“HEY! NO BATHING IN THE FOOD SUPPLY, IT’S ILLEGAL!” cried a shrill voice Sans knew all too well. Startled, he dropped his brother in surprise, but luckily the infant didn’t seem to care.

“HELLWOE FISH-LADY!” Papyrus threw up his arm in greeting. “DA’ WRINKLE-MAN JUST LEFT!” The baby pointed towards Snowdin.

“He was just here?”

“yeah, he headed back to his stall a few seconds ago,” replied Sans, glaring at his brother. “while you were…underwater. why were you underwater? this is the breeding area…”

“Right, I was talking to the fish. Gotta make sure no one’s stealing them, so everyone can keep eating-”

“Fish Lady’s growing an army to fight the homos!” said Papyrus excitedly.

“SSHH!! Shut the fuck up Papyrus!” whispered Undyne harshly.

“homosapiens baby bro, you have to say the whole thing or…you know what? just say humans, kay’?”

“Homo humans!”

“…not better. also, are you talking about actual fish, undyne or water monsters?”

“WHO CARES?” yelled the young girl. “THE MORE SOLDIERS THE BETTER!” She grinned proudly, her hands on her hips. No one would expect an attack from the water AND the land, the next war against humans was as good as won.

That is, if no adults found out about it. They didn’t appreciate Undyne’s ingenious war strategies like Papyrus did.

No matter how helpful or cool they were, adults always seemed to have a problem with her ideas, and unfortunately, Sans and Gaster were no different. For most of them to work, she needed science nerds, but they saw her plans the same way they saw Papyrus’s, terrible and “asinine.”

The Royal Scientist’s words, not hers.

She didn’t know what “asinine” meant, but it had the word “ass” in it, so she assumed their father was calling her ideas booty.

My ideas aren’t ass!

My ideas are GREAT!

Stupid, crappy, science dweeb, is just lazy. How hard can it be to build a giant robot? Isn’t there already someone asking him to do that already?

“…A giant robot can destroy entire towns, I saw it in a movie.”

“what are you talking about? are you still on about that robot army?” Sans sighed, a trademark sign of his that meant he thought she was being stupid. Undyne had heard it many times before.

“IT’S A GOOD IDEA!!” she screamed. “AND IT WASN’T AN ARMY, IT WAS JUST O-”  

“for the last time, if you saw something already done in a movie undyne, the humans know how to COUNTER it; they make the friggen’ things!”

Undyne’s so dumb…

“Yeah, but the movies are old, Sans! They’re in the Dump, because no one watches them anymore! We’ll have the element of surprise.”

“I wish to pilot a Gundam, big Buther.”

“SEE?! Papyrus wants it!” she said, pointing at the baby bones. “You want to blow up a town widdle Pappy?”

The infant smiled and bounced up and down on his rear end excitedly. “Yeah yeah yeah!” he said, ignoring his sibling’s frown. “I’s Middle Eastern ya’ know…is mah calling.”

“still don’t know what middle ease is, pap.”

“Middle East Snas! It mean I comes from da’ center of the earth…only is a liiiittle East.” The infant pinched his fingers together, squinting with one eye to make sure there was space between them, hoping he had solved the mystery.

“The center of the earth…?” Undyne looked confused. “You mean Hell?”

“i’d believe that.”

“Noooo! I’s on the WOOF of Hell…cept’ is a liiittle East.”

“Yeast…isn’t that the stuff bread is made from?”

“he’s saying east, undyne. it’s a direction.” Sans pointed towards where he knew the Lab was located.

“…That’s left, Sans-I MEAN RIGHT! That’s your right.”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE!”

“SHUT UP PAPYRUS, I WASN’T WRONG!”

“you are.”

“YOU SHUT UP TOO!!”    

“how old are you?”

“YOU CAN’T ASK ME THAT! I’M A WOMAN, IT’S ILLEGAL!”

“Is you a baby like me, Fish Lady? If so, I gots a great product for you…”

“I’m NOT a baby, I’M GROWN!” Undyne stomped her foot angrily on the planks of the pier, scaring Sans a little. He had no idea how long those timbers had been there, but he knew people walked on them every day. Eventually, they would break and need to be replaced…probably by the pines in Snowdin.

There are some people who use them for firewood too though, I know Grillby does. What if we run out? How long does it take a pine tree to grow?

…

Who planted them there to begin with?

“Nyeh? You spacing again, big Buther?”

It was something he thought of often whenever he was bored, and he highly doubted it was the monsters doing.

“Come back down from space, Snas!”

No one knew what the inside of Mt. Ebott was like, which is why everyone in the beginning not only scrambled for a home as soon as possible, but also refused to leave it behind for something better. It didn’t make sense to begin with for the monsters to carry saplings with them into a mountain with little to no sunlight. Even if the sunlamps in Snowdin had been immediately installed, it would’ve taken time. Could the trees survive that long without the sun? Why were they all pine trees to begin with? If the monsters came from different environments all over the world, wouldn’t some have brought cacti, palm trees, and other tropical plants?

It’s like someone made preparations for us to live here…

“EARTH TO THE SNAS!”

“AH!”

“Stop daydreaming and tell da’ Fish Lady how great mah fundraiser be! She doesn’t want to buy my diapies…” said Papyrus quietly.

“Why are you naked?”

“s-sorry bro, i was thinking about the trees. how come there’s only pine trees and fruit trees in the underground?”

“Nyeh?”

Why was his brother always thinking about trees?

“There’s a fern in the Resort Area,” said Undyne, hoping to change the subject. She’d rather talk about plants than diapers.

“why though? who was the guy who went ‘hey, yeah, i know i’m being ushered out of my home with little to no warning and should prooobably pack everything i think will be needed to maintain my survival-”

“But this fern doh…” The young girl laughed, imagining the scenario. “I gotta take this fern, man!”

“*pfft!* c’mon undyne, for real-”

“FERNS BEFORE FOOD! FERNS BEFORE FAMILY!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”  

“AND THESE FLOWERS, DUDE! I NEED THESE GOLDEN FLOWERS IN MY LIFE!”

Sans laughed in spite of himself as his baby brother let out a high-pitched screech of delight. As curious as he and it was, the comedian had to admit it was also pretty funny.

I guess back then, people didn’t have to worry so much about survival as they do now. They probably weren’t expecting things to be so hard down here.

It’s good that kids like us don’t have to worry about that sort of thing…most of us anyway.

Dad’s a douche, but our generation depends on him and he’s doing his best to deliver. Without him, the Underground would be doomed.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was one of the worrying kids. The future frightened him; his father frightened him.

One of the perks of being invisible, aside from whenever the Royal Scientist needed him, was that Sans could go anywhere and do anything he pleased when off the clock. He knew about the Fallen and what his father was doing before Flowey even appeared to tell him, and he was willing to bet his brother did too.

Papyrus didn’t mess with the draining machine.

Sans noticed he didn’t talk about it either. There were no questions, no threats, no mentions whatsoever. In fact, these days Papyrus seemed to mellow out a bit in general, his pranks becoming fewer and fewer in number until the labs horrendous reputation began to fade. The baby bones had even gone out to recruit other bright minds to help in the lab, no doubt sensing his father’s incoming mental collapse.

Despite how serious their power problem was, the truth remained that they HAD oil. It was dangerous to use, but it was a choice Gaster had other than draining that he didn’t favor. He CHOSE murder, their father CHOSE to drain sick monsters who came to him for help, and showed absolutely no remorse or concern for his actions.

Not good.        

“Does Onion-chan gots ferns?”

“huh?”

“It’s Onionsan, Pappy. You’re spelling it wrong, and yes, those are ferns.”

“oh, you’re still talking about ferns…who’s onionsan?” asked Sans. He didn’t know much about the monsters that lived underwater, but apparently no citizen was safe from his little bro. He hoped he hadn’t caused too much trouble…

“Onionsan-chan be a monster from Japan, man!” replied the infant, enjoying his tongue twister. “I doesn’t know how he got here dough…”

“OnionSAN, Papyrus-”

“They too big for mah diapies, so we not visit the tentacles today.”

“what?”

“Onionsan is a monster that looks like an octopus. I’ve never heard of Japan though.”

“Is where the woah-bots come from, Fish Lady! Da’ Vocaloid and the Gundams and the aira-planes…”

“airplanes aren’t robot birds baby bro,” said Sans smiling.

“Nyeh? No bird? Tsundereplane lie…?”

“huh?”

This alarmed Sans. Papyrus was behaving himself more in the lab, but that meant he was spending most of his time outside where it was dangerous.

Who’s Tsundereplane? How many people is he talking to?!

“you know what? it doesn’t matter. stop talking to strangers papyrus, it’s dang-PAPYRUS!”

BEEP BEEP!

Taking Sans’ phone out of his pocket via wingdings, Papyrus called his “friend” on speed dial.

“Hellwoe?”

“papyrus, stop!”

Who the hell gave him their number?! How long has that been in my phone?!  

“Yep, is da’ baby…”

“hang up, papyrus. whoever gave you their number isn’t a sane person-”

“Snas say you’s not a whoa-bot bird Tsundereplane. Why you lie to cute widdle me?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“WELL SCU YOU TOO, STINK ARROW-PLANE! I BEAT YO’ ASS!”  

BEEP!

“…”

“…Tsundereplane not my friend no more.”

“Aww…poor Pappy…” Undyne patted the infant’s skull.

“don’t feel sorry for him! that’s what he gets for talking to strangers, maybe next time he’ll think before putting numbers in MY phone!”

“Yep, woe is me Fish Lady…”

“are you even listening to me?”

“…First they steals mah jammies and now they lie and call me an idiot-face. I am the saddest of cheerios…”

“THEY STOLE YOUR CLOTHES?!”

“you little shit.”

“STEALING’S ILLEGAL! Don’t worry Pappy, THE UNSTOPPABLE UNDYNE WILL GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK!”

“he’s lying undyne-”

Sans reached out to stop her, but Undyne was already off towards Hotland.

Damnit!

There’s no way he’d catch her, he didn’t even know who or where Tsundereplane was.

I don’t even know what they LOOK like…an airplane probably, but…

“Nyeh hee hee hee!”

“*humph!* i bet you’re pretty proud of yourself, huh baby bro?”

“Yes.”

“you think you did the right thing?”

“Yes.”

“what do you think’s gonna happen when undyne finds out you were lying?”

“She gonna come back and do the accu-sa-tions and Imma say ‘they throw my jammies in da’ lava?’ then I’s gonna cry reeeal loud, and she gonna feel sorry for me.”

“…”

“She’ll say, ‘aww, I didn’t think of that! Poor baby Pappy…I should go out and buy you NEW jammies!’ and then I say, ‘no, no, you’s done enough.”

“…is that right?”

“Yep. I say, “Just gives me some monies and I go gets em’. Shopping be boring.’ Then she gonna go ‘you’s right! Shopping IS boring. Here are some monies…and a widdle extra for the accu-sa-tions.”

“…”

“That’s when I be reeeal nice and say ‘keep da’ extra, you deserves it for being a good friend to da’ baby.’ Then I buys candy and I eats it, then we all live happy ever after.”

“…i’m calling undyne.”

“WHY YOU GOTS TO DESTROY MY HAPPY AFTER?”

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

“I’M NOT SELLING YOU NOTHIIIIINN’!!!” screamed Papyrus, “NYEH!” Snatching his brother’s phone, the baby bones took off running towards Snowdin.

“PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS, NO!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

“DO NOT GO INTO TOWN NAKED, PAPYRUS!”

Friggin’ dumbass! There’re dogs everywhere there, he can’t be showing that many bones, he’ll get eaten!

Or they would.

Probably the dogs.

Either way, Sans knew who would ultimately be blamed.

“GOOD LUCK FINDING ME IN DA’ SNOW BIG BUTHER!”

“ugh, shit!”

POOF!

With an enthusiastic smile, Papyrus leapt into a snow poff as soon as his sibling lost sight of him. There was no way Sans would find a tiny white skeleton in a snowfield. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack…whatever a haystack was.

Finally, his Michael Jackson syndrome was paying off.

“Nyeh? *sniff sniff*”

That was odd. The snow poff he was in smelled like doody. Well, actually, the whole town smelled like a barnyard, but this was especially bad…

“*huff puff* pa-papyrus…”

“…”

“papyrus, i know you’re in there, your tracks lead right to the snow poff field!”

“…Those could be anybody’s tracks, there’s no baby here, skelly-man.”

“really? heh heh, well that’s weird. most people who live in snowdin avoid the snow poffs.”

“…I had to move cause’ I missed my rent. This my home now.”

Sans laughed; his brother had no idea. “woooow, that sucks. i’d personally hate to live in a poop-igloo, but you do you man, ha ha ha!”

“What?” Papyrus poked his head out of the snow poff and looked down.

“yep. the reason the snow is built up in this area and nowhere else, is because this is where people dump their chamber pots.”

“…”

“the snow tends to build on top of the droppings and that’s what makes these little mounds, cool huh?”

“…”

“asgore is trying to get plumbing up and running, but it’ll be a while before THAT happens, what with the power issue and all. personally? i don’t see it happening. people make money gathering these snow poffs up to sell for fertilizer.”

Without saying a word, Papyrus climbed out of the snow poff and walked towards the Ruins. It was the longest route to a river, but at least it didn’t cut through town.

“papyrus?”

“Shut up.”

“aww, what’s wrong pappy? paaappyyyy-”

SPLASH!

The baby bones jumped into the river, using his wingdings to hold himself steady in order to keep from being swept away by the current.

“…”

“oh no, pappy! you can’t just hop into the river, the fishies will see your butt!”

“…”

“you know what you need to catch those doodies? what every baby needs?”

“Choke on bread.”

“a dia-”

SPLASH!  

“heh.”