#I’m also genuinely bad at taking photos but I wanna get into photography anyway so

[stuckinapril]

A niche goal for me in 2024 is to take more pictures. Your bitch literally has the opposite issue to everyone else. My whole life could pass me by without me taking any pictures

[purplesurveys]

1262

o1. With which one of your friends do you spend the most time? With which friend do you spend the least amount of time? Would you like to change this in any way? I don’t really get to...spend time with my friends, in that sense. For very obvious reasons. But I talk to Angela and Reena the most. Andi and I talk a lot too, but not everyday. 

Among my friends, I probably talk to my college group the least these days, but that’s mostly because 2/3 of them are pursuing law school, and the 1/3 have jobs and are as busy as I am. We’re still as tight as ever and our group chat becomes active at least once a week.

o2. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Illinois, Louisiana, New York, Utah. Countries: Malta, Switzerland, Thailand, South Korea.

o3. If you have one, how often do you watch your favorite television show? How long has this show been your favorite? I’m not a big TV person, tbh. The closest thing to my favorite would be Friends, which I rewatch at least one episode of once a month though I used to watch it FAR more often than that, hahaha. I think I first hooked to it...I wanna say 2018?Or 2019. Sometime in between those years. o4. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No. He’s allowed to have girl friends. The only reason it bothered me when it was Gabie was because we were both aware that her guy friends were genuinely into her. I never channeled my annoyance towards her though; I was definitely more pissed off at those guys for not learning how to back off when needed.

o5. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? We don’t have snow, but our equivalent would be days off school because of a typhoon. Anyway, I just spent them lounging around and mostly watching stuff on YouTube. In college I was a bit more diligent and would use the extra time to catch up on readings.

o6. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? Not that I am aware of. I probably wouldn’t befriend someone who did if we weren’t already close, because there’s no telling what kind of influence they would be on me.

o7. When was the last time that you were afraid for your life? Did this incident change you in any way? When I was really sick back in May. Not really, I just wanted to recover as quickly as possible.

o8. Do you enjoy taking pictures? Is it just for fun, or do you make an attempt at actual photography? I didn’t then, but it’s something I’m trying to do more often now. I’ve realized I have very few souvenirs from the last few years because I barely took photos then, so it sucks not being able to revisit memories and ending up forgetting others completely. I definitely don’t plan to take it so far as taking photography lessons; taking pictures from my own perspective and in my own style suffices.

o9. Have you ever had low self-esteem? How is your self-esteem now? Yeah, sure. I had a recent phase of it because of the breakup, but I’ve recovered from it. My self-esteem is a lot healthier and more stable these days.

o1o. When you see someone sickly-thin, what is your first thought? Nothing for the most part, but I would obviously be concerned if that person was starting to show worrying signs of malnutrition. Idrk what you mean by sickly-thin.

o11. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Not really, only because I’ve rarely had to go there.

o12. What did you dress up as the last time you went Trick-or-Treating? Who went with you? I went as Sofie, my old best friend from high school.

o13. What is one thing you miss most from your childhood? What do you miss the least? The part about having less responsibilities and more time to just have fun and do whatever I want. But I didn’t really have a picture-perfect childhood either, so my list of things I don’t miss for sure trumps the list of stuff I do miss.

o14. What would be the biggest challenge involved in raising a child at your age? How to send them to a good school because I don’t make nearly enough to afford tuition for another person.

o15. If you happened to get pregnant before you were ready for children, how would you cope? Do you think your parents would support you and help you out? I don’t know, honestly; and the thought kind of scares me. I know my parents wouldn’t provide support whatsoever, so I’d have to claw my way to find it from other people who would be willing. I’d probably need to take an extra job to earn enough money to support us both.

o16. Have you ever had unprotected sex? What would you tell a young teen thinking about having unprotected sex? Yeah, but I was also with a girl, so...idk. I don’t have a lot of sexual experience either so I dunno what sort of advice to tell a teen other than ‘don’t do it,’ lmao.

o17. What are some gender double-standards anger you? All of them. < Yes.

o18. Other than the usual qualities (honesty, respect, etc), what are some attributes you want your BF/GF to possess? Patience in the sense that I tend to be sensitive, so if they crack a joke that I ended up getting hurt or offended by, or if I get triggered by something minor that would otherwise be normal for anyone else, I hope they are patient enough to ride the wave out with me. I didn’t experience that with my past partner, and was often told to just stop being sensitive.

o19. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No, because doing so is detrimental to my well-being.

o2o. Five years ago, what was the most important thing in your life? How about the most important person? My relationship, barf. Gabie, another barf.

21. How would you describe your sexuality? Have you ever wondered whether or not you might be homo/bisexual? I’ve stopped caring about it. I say asexual to people just so I have an answer to say.

o22. Do you think that homosexual couples should be able to raise or adopt children? Why or why not? Yeah...because I don’t see why they can’t be granted that right?

o23. Think of your worst fear. What would you do if you were confronted with it right now? Hyperventilate.

o24. If you were to become a vegetarian, what meat-product would you miss the most? Have you ever been or wanted to be a vegetarian? Chicken wings or sandwiches. I’ve thought about it before, yes. It’s too expensive a lifestyle where I live, though.

o25. Do you think that someone’s sexuality is something that they can control? No.

o26. What do you like most about your favorite animal? They’re very friendly and always down to play. :)

o27. What is your favorite way to eat your favorite food? How often do you eat your favorite food item? Eating burgers by hand is always the best. I have one maybe once a month.

o28. What is something you are craving? Will this craving be satisfied? KFC’S DOUBLE DOWN. I’ll get one next week, when I get my next pay lol. The rest of my budget this week is already allotted for my mom’s birthday/JK’s belated birthday dinner tomorrow.

o29. What is the largest number of texts you have sent in a day? Do you often text this much? Ooooh, I dunno. Maybe around 200-300 in a day? My ex and I primarily communicated through text whenever we weren’t physically together, which was often as we were both students in different schools.

o3o. Do you like the holiday season? Why or why not? What could be better about it? Some parts of it I like, some parts of it I don’t. The latter mostly stems from insecurities I will feel from seeing other families on social media, who always seem to be having a better and fancier time than I am. It’s why I usually deactivate during Christmas so I don’t get to see posts that can affect my disposition.

[teetlesandnimjas]

Alright- y’all wanted it- or at aleast like 2 of you did- so uuuuh TMNT OCS!! WOOOOHOOO!

Uh they’re not that good- And yeah! There is a 2012 one on here- I’m working on a Rise design for her (I wanna make her Baxter’s older sister in Rise, she’s not related to him in 2012 other than he built her the legs/tail she has)

First up is my favorite one- Cami!

Cami is a futacuchi onna (a two mouthed woman or in Cami’s case girl and one of my favorite tradition japanese Yōkai) and a mostly speechless assassin. Her mouth talks more than she does but the “talking” is just garbled speech. She’s quiet because she doesn’t know that much English, and is fluent in Spanish. The only times she gets above a whisper will she talks is when immense anger over comes her and just *intense Spanish yelling* She was hired to kill the turtles, but YKNOW she gets a huge ol’ crush on April and wouldn’t want to hurt her so REDEMPTION! I don’t have a 2012 version yet but I’m gonna make one. In that I think she would be hired by the Kraang to get April, since she can act much more human than they can. She would infiltrate April’s school, wearing her hood obviously, and pretend to befriend her. But Then she actually befriends her and- y’know- then she gets a huge ol’ crush on April and wouldn’t want to hurt her so XD

Next up is the Snake Sisters! They don’t have names yet but I’m working on it!

These two were snake charmers before getting mutated and stuck together. You’d think because they’re siblings they’d get along but they absolutely hate each other! Of course, the turts help them bond (very, very tediously) and eventually they become closer! And then start destroying things! Because what’s a mutant got to do? In 2012 they’re much more monstrous and physically violent towards each other, and is an experiment by the Kraang, leaning more into the darker ways 2012 is than Rise. They’re animalistic, sort of like bat dad (or Kirby, since we don’t wanna have fun around here) but they can still talk and act human when calm. The sisters attack whatever they can before April calms them down and they basically become her annoying aunts. In Rise, April isn’t that important to them, since they’re more focused on M U R D E R skekekejeje they also have a flute staff lol

Next is... ugh- I named her Cameron- I’m so sorry-

The reason I didn’t finish this or post her is because her design is too confusing. Before mutation, she was a student in photography club. Basically she got fused with her camera because idk in 2012 you can mutate with electronics and food so why not Rise??? I also made a bubble gum girl- a girl made of bubble gum- but I didn’t like her design so I’m fixing her up XD. Now back to Cameron. Cam is actually very happy with her mutation since she didn’t show her face online anyways, and in this form she can take photos and videos of anything as soon as she wants. However- that kinda sucks for the turtles cuz- well- SHE VIDEO’D THEM. They have this whole fight and eventually knock her memory card out and shut her down (it kinda sucks to be a camera) but Mikey convinces them not to wipe her because let’s not purposely make someone forget their entire existence. Too bad the Foot Clan does it anyways, gives her a machine gun arm and tells her that the Turtles wiped her memory and that she is actually a Foot soldier who now forgets all of her training because of them. So yeah! That’s fun!! I don’t have a 2012 version for her but I’m working on it! It’s probably gonna be very similar to Rise though.

And finally- ANOTHER PERSON WHO DOESNT HAVE A NAME! SHE’S ORIGINALLY A 2012 OC-

Okay so I don’t actually like her design that much. This is kinda an old drawing but basically- she’s a metal cyborg. She’s not a mutant, but before Baxter was mutated she found him and wanted him to build her legs after seeing what he did for Xever. The Foot promised he would as long as she repayed them with her service. So she did. She can change her legs into a tail and y’know that episode where the turtles had to go under water but there was a giant thing outside and they thought it was gonna kill them but it mistaked their turtle submarine thing for another of its species and like... flirted with it??? Uh yeah that’s not just randomly there- it’s her under water (with a mask of course) and that’s her introduction! After that they see her more often. Also Fish Face tries to flirt with her and she smacks him because, it’s not a weird crush or tsundere thing, she legitimately just hates him and his weird advances. She’s a really party-loving, fun girl but while working for the Foot and Shredder, her mind kinda twists a little. She becomes more angry, much more short tempered, but quieter and scared when people raise her voice or get mad at her. She’s scarred because of the Foot and I think that really extenuates how evil they are.Eventually the Turtles and April help her out, and for a little while she’s a spy, and then gets out under the boys’ protection! She becomes a scout for them and helps them on missions. Of course, her legs self-destruct because the Foot made Baxter add it in case she betrayed them. Of course there’s an intense scene of her trying to get out of them, and the Turtles desperately tearing them off of her, and she just narrowly escapes exploding. But Donnie builds her new ones, she’s got legs with a tail AND a jet pack so she can fight with her tail on land and fly! And of course, when Karai sees that mermaid girl got outta the clan, she’s really happy. Karai viewed her as the big sister she never had and they reunite happily. And then In Rise she’s Baxter’s older sister and is in a wheelchair. She’s very protective, sarcastic, and has some anger issues sometimes, but always has a soft smile on her face. She’s trying her best and genuinely cares for her lil bro. Bax of course rigs the wheelchair so she can fly in it, and she gets a tail of course! But it happens later. She’s not really evil and her and April are BFFs, but she‘s on Bax’s side and “plays his little game and entertains him. He’s only a bored little kid.” She’s friends with the turtles tho and it’s all really chill with her XD

Anyways that’s all of them!

[glutenfreepretzelsarethebest]

Can you do 8 or 11 for Choni? And is there anyway you can involve Veronica somehow? Thanks!

Thank you for being the first (and so far only) request I got. I ended up doing both 8: “H-how long have you been standing there?” and 11: “You came back!”. I hope you like it! 

Veronica hated Archie. Well, not really, but at the moment she did. She hated him because he was the one who had signed them both up as volunteers to the yearbook staff, which, at first, didn’t seem so bad. In fact, it seemed fun. Then, she found out, her volunteer time would be during class, which at the time also seemed like a pro. She got to ditch class and got to take photos of everyone! But then it turned out that the class period the yearbook staff was pulling them out of was Veronica’s hardest class, and of course, the time she was pulled out was when they were going over answers to the study guide for the way-to-many-points-to-not-freak-a-girl-out-test they were having the next day. So, all in all, she didn’t hate Archie but rather the timing of his stupid group.

Veronica was also having problems with the school printer that she had to use. She didn’t understand why the one printer that wasn’t working was the only printer she was allowed to use. So she had to resort to using the only polaroid camera the school had to go around and take her pictures, which, she couldn’t do with Archie because he had been assigned a different part of the school to patrol.

That was the long version of explain why Veronica was still in the yearbook staff room, rummaging through drawers looking for extra film on the off chance her terrible luck made her run out. That was how she noticed the door connecting the yearbook staff room to one of the extra class rooms was slightly ajar. She also heard voices in their. Familiar voices. The raven haired girl thought about her options, then quietly made her way to hide by the door, peeking in. There, she found Toni and Cheryl, having just walked in themselves. The two were holding hands.

“I think we have five minutes at most before we need to head back to class,” Toni stated to Cheryl after shutting the door they used.

“The fact that our only solitude together must come during school hours is a rather depressing tale,” Cheryl mused, leaning against the old green couch in the weirdly shaped and frankly unnecessary room.

“Well maybe we might have more time if that annoyingly pretty Vixens captain were to cut practice a little shorter sometimes,” Toni replied with a smile, stepping closer to the red head.

“‘Annoyingly pretty’? Does somebody have a crush?” Cheryl teased with a smirk.

“Well how could I not. She’s beautiful, brave, strong, caring,” Toni held out a finger for each adjective, “the list just goes on.”

Cheryl scoffed and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling.

“Is somebody jealous?” Toni said with a grin.

“Of myself? Hardly,” Cheryl huffed.

Toni gasped in fake surprise. “Oh that’s right! Your the Vixens captain! And I just admitted my crush to you! How embarrassing!”

Cheryl rolled her eyes again, but took half a step towards her. “Why do I like you?”

“Because I’m quirky and charming.”

“Perhaps.” Cheryl crooned. She then leaned down to kiss the shorter serpent.

Veronica kinda felt bad about spying on the perfectly cute Choni moment, especially considering how she had interrupted the last kiss Veronica knew of between the couple, so she did hesitate before this next move. In her defense, she needed more pictures for the ‘Cutest Couple Page’ then just a bunch of selfies of her and Archie. Veronica snapped a photo of the couple with her loud, polaroid camera that had flash on permanently.

The two jumped apart before the picture even came out of the camera. Both girls had their own reactions.

“What the hell Lodge?” Cheryl spat.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” Toni stuttered out.

Veronica smiled sheepishly. “Sorry to scare you. I think the picture turned out pretty well though.” She said slowly. The raven haired girl then held out the photo for the pair to inspect. Toni leaned over a bit to study it while Cheryl just crossed her arms and looked away. Once again the pair responded with very different messages at the exact same time.

“I don’t care.”

“It’s actually pretty good. You know, for an amature.”

Toni gave the irritated red head a playful shove. “Lighten up Cher and look at the photo. The light from the window makes your hair seem to have a glow near the top and the angle of the shot-”

“You know, your pretty nerdy for a gang member TT,” Cheryl interrupted, her mouth turning into the smallest of smiles at the beginning of Toni’s photography rant.

“I try,” Toni replied with a smile so big it was contagious. Cheryl soon found herself grinning stupidly at the other girl, their hands interlocked again. The flash ruined the moment.

“You came back!?” Cheryl yelled at Veronica.  

“She never left,” Toni chuckled.

“Well then shoo shoo Lodge. I would much appreciate if you get a life outside of me.” Cheryl advised with a wave of her hand.

“But before you go, why are you photo stalking us?” Toni asked, still holding Cheryls hand and gently tracing her thumb in a circle.

“Because I need more pictures of couples for the ‘Cutest Couple’ section I was assigned to. Mostly it’s just me and Archie and I feel like that’s a little too biased.” Veronica admitted, studying her new photo.  

“Yes, because taking a picture of the head of the yearbook staff and her editor isn’t just as biased,” Toni sarcastically replied.

“Since when am I the head of the gross yearbook staff? And when did I ask you to be my editor?” Cheryl questioned in a way that heavily implied she knew the answer that was coming and don’t like it.

“Other way around babe. I’m the head of the yearbook staff and I would like it if you were to be my editor.”

“Why are you even part of the disgusting yearbook hippie squad?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Ditto.”

After a moment of the two staring at each other, Toni finally caved with a sigh. “Jughead insisted that I should at least be on the staff what with my photography skills and my interest in the subject. So, he pulled a few strings and I ended up as head of the staff. When I asked he said something about Serpents being equals. I don’t really get that part, but now I’m in charge of the yearbook staff. Do you want to be?”

There was a heartbeat worth of silence until:

“No.”

“Please?” Toni begged, dropping Cheryl’s hand to put her own two together against her mouth in a pleading motion.

Two more heartbeats.

“…Maybe.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Toni answered with another grin.

Veronica focused on the two girls with the camera, and put her finger on the bottom. Just before she could take the shot, Cheryl dramatically whipped around to face Veronica, making the shot Veronica just took eighty percent Cheryl’s hair.

“I swear to whatever being you believe in, if you take one more photograph of me and my beloved you stalking, wanna be Dorothea Lange, you will regret it. Now I am of the opinion that it is in your best interest to depart the area immediately and if you take one more photo-” Veronica interrupted Cheryl’s speech with the flash of her camera.

A very pissed off looking Cheryl stood up, but she had barely taken one step towards the raven haired girl before she had bolted out the door and locked it. Veronica then bolted towards the girls bathroom. Once she had saftly arrived, she reviewed her four pictures.

The first one was Toni approved, so Veronica didn’t need to put much thought into whether it was going in or not. Like Toni had said, the light from the small window at the end of room was shining like a spotlight to the top of Cheryl’s head, with her hair messed up just a tiny bit from Toni’s hand which was deeply buried in red hair. Cheryl’s hands were firmly on Toni’s waste, as if trying to pull the other girl closer somehow.

Veronica pulled out the next photo and studied it just as closely as the first. This was one of the rare moments Cheryl ‘Bombshell’ Blossom was caught on camera smiling. Like, genuinely smiling, not some creepy smirk. The two of them were staring at each other smiling like that. Looking at each other and smiling like they were the only two people in the world that mattered. This one would also be going in if Veronica could help it.

The third one might have turned out to be just like the second, but apparently Veronica had become too predictable of Cheryl and she ruined it. Cheryl had turned to face the camera so quickly that her normal glowering stare was looking dead ahead and her hair was still flying. It happens to be flying right in Toni’s face, blocking most of the other girl. What little that could be seen of Toni was a blurred view of her shut eyes scrunched up from the red head’s hair attack. Maybe she could use this one as part of the yearbook staff close ups if Cheryl accepted the job. That would be funny.

The fourth and final picture was taken entirely to spite Cheryl, so she wasn’t expecting it to be all that good. Cheryl was giving the camera an evil glare as she talked. Her arms were crossed and she was sitting on the arm of the old green couch just like in all the other photos. In other words, Cheryl looked like the Ice Queen she was often called. Veronica was about to toss the photo but then she noticed something. Or rather, someone. Toni. The raven haired girl had almost forgotten she was in the shot at all, but she was. Toni was staring at The Ice Queen with such a loving look on her face, almost as if she wasn’t giving a menacing speech. With that look on the Southside Serpents face, Veronica couldn’t bring herself to toss it. It just showed how in love Toni was with Cheryl, and Veronica couldn’t possibly lose a chance to remind people that.

So maybe Veronica didn’t hate Archie, and, in fact, might send him some kind of thank you for signing her up for this. Because Veronica really did love love and showing people the love her friends had. So after carefully putting the four pictures away, Veronica walked off with her camera looking for more couples to harass with pictures. They’d all thank her later.

Hope you liked it and just FYI the room Toni and Cheryl are in is a room that was in my school so I kinda had that room pictured in my mind and I don’t think I did a good job describing it. Sorry if that was confusing. Thanks for reading!

[writing-rain-tea]

Beautiful Chaos (short story)

Note: There is a little homophobia at the end if this is a trigger for you then this might not be the best to read, but it isn’t too heavy.

Beautiful Chaos

All she could think about was kissing girls, and it was eating her alive. It started so long ago, nearly a year, yet still it was something that half made her loath herself and half put butterflies in her stomach. Either way it was so prominent- so there. It took up way more of her life than it should have; can her friend join this club? No. Because what if the friend notices her gawking at the girl she likes. Can she stand up against what that person said? No, because what if it sounds like she cares too much. So this is how it started, the deep rooted fear that someone would find out, or that she would accidently blurt it out while they were driving somewhere. This person, this girl who is taking up her entire line of consciousness just seemed so perfect. She’s out already of course, and in love with photography; she always had a camera on her. Her favorite flavor of ice cream is strawberry. The first time they talked was at one of the clubs meetings; they were partnering, and she couldn’t stop tapping her fingers on her desk. She was so nervous, and all she wanted to do was have a conversation. Sitting side by side their legs were touching, she could feel as the girl’s foot tapped, tapped, tapped. The next few times they saw each other were just nods and “hellos” in the hallway. However when the girl, Sara, gave her, Bea, a ride home, and they were standing on the front porch with no light because Bea’s parents always forgot the lights, they had their first real conversation.

Sara said “Would you wanna go out sometime, just like to the aquarium or something?”

And so Bea, as awkward as she was, shuffled her feet for a good minute trying to figure out whether or not it was a date. Then deciding it didn’t matter, she nodded and gave a quiet,  

“Yea, okay that sounds fun.”

“You know what I just realized Bea and yea are spelled the same but pronounced differently,” blurted Sara.

“Haha yea I guess so,” she said, before they both awkwardly glanced at each other and turned away. And it may sound funny, but things were pretty perfect right then.

In attempting to get ready for the “date”, she realized she didn’t even know where they were going. She didn’t know what to wear. She needed something that made her happy, but also made her feel confident, and made her hair look good. She wanted to wear a sundress, or her overall shorts- both yellow, both amazing. In the end, she decided on the overalls because they’re comfortable and easy to move in. When it came to hair, Bea stood in front of the mirror squirming. She could feel a bout of dysphoria start to kick in, and her nails dug into her palms. There would be cresent moon shaped cuts there later, but for now she has to keep the tingling sensation away.  When she felt blood on her finger, she knew she must have broken the skin. Uncurling her fists, she held her palms up to the mirror to see crescent shaped marks and cuts with little droplets of blood in a few places. So instead of continuing to examine her hands, she opens her cabinets looking for her scissors. She knows they're there, she used them last week for something stupid like cutting a tag. But now, with her hand in the drawer and her fingers gripping the scissors, she has her mind set on one thing. Picking them up, she looks at herself in the mirror. It’s funny. She only grew her hair long to battle her dysphoria in the first place, but this isn’t a rash decision. For the past few months, every time she has looked in the mirror she has felt her skin start to crawl; she wears her hair in a bun to compensate the discomfort. By now, her hair reaches all the way down her back nearly to her waist. She picks up the scissors and begins hacking her hair off - leaving just enough room for a barber to fix her mistakes. Snip, the hair falls down her shirt, onto the floor. Snip, Snip, Snip on and on until she has worked through all her hair, until it is cut at her shoulders and is fairley manageable. Smiling, she puts on some eyeshadow and walks out of the bathroom. She decides to leave the mess for after the “date”.

Hearing a car’s horn outside jars Bea, but just for a second, before she is running downstairs and out the front door, shouting “goodbyes” to her parents on her way.

As she hops into the car the first thing Sara says is “I love yellow.”

The second is “you cut your hair, it looks great. You look happier.” Bea smiled nodding her head in agreement. Sara turned the keys and pulled out of her driveway, onto the road.

“Where are we headed?” Bea asked.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Okay.”

After that she just closed her eyes, trying not to think about how she couldn’t tell anyone about going out with Sara and how her skin still felt like it was crawling, she focused on it too much, and how just a few days ago she was crying in the bathroom. And how now she was practically over the moon because she was on a “date” with the girl she liked. Bea pushed it out of her mind, out, out, out. Focusing instead on the feeling of her overalls , the soft fabric making everything better. She tried to draw on the last time she felt safe, at peace, or happy. Closing her eyes as they drove, she could feel little gasps of air and wind through the ever so slightly opened window of the truck. Hitting her arms and face, it made her hair stand ever so slightly on end. And for the moment, as the sun was setting, and everything was shining, the world was okay. Bea felt the car stop, she heard the window roll up and she opened her eyes- the Aquarium, perfect. She brought up fish a lot, and had definitely talked about them in their last conversation, but the fact the Sara remembered made it even more perfect. As Bea jumped out of the car, practically bouncing  on the tips of her toes, her excitement was evident and Sara just smiled. She grabbing Bea’s hand and pulling her towards the ticket line. Bea could see fish from the outside and everything was so bright! With their tickets in hand, they ran through the maze of ropes to get them scanned. At the end, they quickly passed their tickets on, and were ready to continue when a lady stopped them.

“Do you want your picture taken?” she asked earnestly.

Glancing towards Sara, Bea tilted her head, “Do you want to?”  

“Hell Yes!” she responded, “We are going to get everything out of this experience possible!”  

Smiling, she nodded her head and turned towards the lady, “We would love to have our photo taken.”

They were standing up in front of the blue screen with fish drawn on as they smiled for the photo. It was handed to Sara who passed it on to Bea, “ You keep it, okay?”

Looking down at the photo, she could see that the yellow of her clothes made her look sunny- happy, and her smile looked so genuine. Sara wasn’t looking at the camera, instead she had been looking down at Bea with a bright smile. Perfect.

Tucking the photo carefully into her bag, Bea grinned, “Okay let’s go look at some fishies.”

“Sounds great to me.”

The night went by quickly as they walked through each exhibit and saw fish, sharks, turtles, jellyfish, sting-rays, and so much more. Bea took every opportunity to pet the animals: the shark with rough skin, the jellyfish that was soft and delicate, the horseshoe crabs, and smooth stingray. The last thing they decided to go to before leaving was the mermaid show. It was fun, though slightly childish.  

The only awkward moment was when Sara commented, “I could be one of the mermaids right?”  

Bea answered too quickly without filtering herself and said, “ You definitely exceed the amount of prettiness needed.” She could feel herself blushing to her roots and turning tomato red.  “I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered.  

In response, Sara grabbed her hand, gripping it tight enough to show everything was okay, but not so hard that her ring would be digging into her finger. Swinging their hands, they walked towards the gift shop.

At the same time, they both gasped. Bea tugged on Sara’s hand to bring them into the gift shop’s back corner, and ducked behind the stuffed animals. In the meantime, Sara stuttered.

“Your hands, I-I what happ- happened to them,” she finally managed to get out. “And what was that, why’d you pull us out of there?” she said much more clearly.  

Swallowing, and then diverting her eye for a moment to catch her breath, she was trying not to have a panic or anxiety attack. Breathe In. Breathe Out. Bea wanted to make the effort, to explain everything; she really liked this girl.

Bea knew she could get up and walk away. Not look back. Avoid answering those questions. She decided to take one more breath and then face Sara. Matching her own bright green eyes, to the deep blue-grey ones, she opened her mouth to try and explain. Her lips tried to stay together, practically telling her to not share, but she forced herself to continue speaking.

“On t-the topic of my hands, I,” she took a deep breath in,. “I struggle with things like, d-dysphoria and anxiety. So sometimes to keep myself from slipping I do this and I know it’s bad but,” and she was rambling, “ I can’t really help it and it's better than other stuff and… yeah so...”

Sara took her hands in her own, holding the palm to her eyes, and gave a butterfly kiss to each mark.  “Okay, just next time if you would just call me instead I know it might not always help, and I know how it could be worse, but I don’t want you to be hurting.”

Bea continued, “And the reason I pulled you away, was because I saw my friend, Kate,  and I’m not out yet, and she’s my best friend and she’d be so mad if I didn’t tell her, so my first instinct was just to run and I- anyway sorry. I know that you’re out and I get it if you don’t want to date anyone who is still in the closet.” At this point she was looking at the floor and Sara had to lift her chin up so there eyes could meet.

“The only thing I wish you had told me is that you weren’t out so I could’ve been more secretive about the whole thing. I’m sorry if I was too forward; but I like you and all the other stuff doesn’t matter to me”

“Okay.”

I smiled and leaned forward. So sitting between the candy and the stuffed sting-rays, I had my first kiss. We were both crouching on the floor, barely able to stay balanced, as we leaned toward each other. Our lips crashed together, softly. Her lips were chapped and she was smiling and it was Perfect.

***

She stepped through her door home, smiling. Sara had just dropped her off from the aquarium. As she moved through the foyer, she noticed that her phone wasn’t where she thought she had forgotten it. Not worrying too much, Bea skipped towards her room. Opening her door, she could feel her ringer go off as she got several text’s.

Hey I saw you at the aquarium.

Who were you with?

Was it that girl from your club?

Was it a date ?

Wait! Are you dating her, and you didn’t tell me!!!

Immediately Bea started freaking out. Kate knew. She seemed okay-ish with it, but still. Counting her breaths, she tried to calm down. Everything would be okay.

Her phone buzzed. Another text from Kate. Bringing the screen up to eye level she saw one word.

Faggot

And that was that.

[sunbrights]

mahiru/natsumi - impatiens, thistle, quince (off topic, but you write actual masterpieces, im in love)

(on topic: thank you!! I’m really glad you like them! I hope you like this one, too! 😊)

impatiens: impatience

thistle: misanthropy

quince: temptation

(Also, everyone’s free to drop me a character/pairing + flower(s) from this meme if you still want to! It might take me longer to get to them, but my askbox is always open.)

All of her pictures of Natsumi are wrong.

They aren’t bad. The group shots especially are nice; she has plenty of Natsumi mugging shamelessly for the camera, her elbow hooked around Yume’s neck. They’re just not right. Off.

Why isn’t a mystery. (Even Natsumi’s spontaneous grins feel guarded and manufactured, and always have.) But time is running out. Graduation is looming, only months away, and her record still feels incomplete.

The three of them go shopping one day during winter break. Yume has to leave early, her mother calling her home to help with her little brother, so Mahiru and Natsumi get crepes and detour to a little park off of the outdoor mall.

Mahiru picks out a bench, to eat and to people watch. Natsumi trails behind her, tapping at her phone with her free thumb. “Ooooh, guess who made it to the front page of the Hope’s Peak message board?” she calls. “You’re moving up in the world, Ma-chan!”

Mahiru rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t buy into websites like that,” she says. She wraps the top of her crepe in a napkin and balances it in her lap. “It’s so early. What could they possibly have to scout?”

She snaps pictures, while she has the chance. Young adults with their dogs, parents with their children, older couples walking together. Natsumi sits cross-legged beside her and eats, her crepe in one hand and her phone in the other.

“You’re thinking too small,” she says. “Now is when the real frontrunners show up, you know. They’re already saying my brother’s a shoo-in for a spot next year. Maybe you should try paying more attention.”

Natsumi smiles at her sideways, and— there. That’s the kind of photo Mahiru wants. The muted curve of her mouth, the winter-pale freckles across her nose, the rosiness of her cheeks in the cold.

She’s not quick enough, though. Natsumi takes a too-big bite of her crepe, and the moment is gone. Chocolate smears at the corner of her mouth.

Mahiru sighs. “You’re making a mess, Na-chan,” she says. She holds out a spare napkin. “Left side.”

Natsumi waves the napkin away. She chases the spot of chocolate with her tongue instead, a peek of pink between her lips.

“Quit bothering with these jerks,” she says, waving her crepe in a wide arc, “and let’s talk strategy.”

*

The final term of the school year starts. The photography club gears up for elections, to pick new officers to replace Mahiru and the other graduating third years.

Natsumi acts like she doesn’t want the president spot, but she’s surly the whole week after she doesn’t get it. She comes late to school in the mornings, she disappears during lunchtime, and she turns down all their invitations to hang out after clubs are over.

She skips the next photography meeting altogether, and that’s where Mahiru draws the line.

She finds Natsumi in her empty classroom after school, stuffing her PE bag back into her locker. “Go away,” she says over her shoulder, when Mahiru stops in the doorway. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Where were you?” Mahiru asks anyway. “I didn’t tolerate absences when I was president. You know Yasui won’t either.”

Natsumi laughs. It’s her fake, musical trill, the one Mahiru has represented so well in her photo albums. “And?” she says. “Yasui can kick me out if he wants. I’m quitting anyway.”

She has no reason to feel blindsided. She saw it coming all week. It still feels like an open-palmed slap across the face. “Quitting?”

“Yeah,” Natsumi says, flinty at the edges. “Quitting. I’m done wasting my time taking other people’s profile pictures.”

“What about your photography?” Mahiru tries. “You’ve got so much potential. You’re really just going to give that up?”

Natsumi’s knuckles go white around the door of her locker. “Don’t patronize me,” she snaps.

“I wasn’t—”

“Like you give a crap about some dinky middle school club, anyway. You’ve got bigger and better things to think about, right? You always knew you were better than us chumps.”

It’s hard not to flinch, when Natsumi glares. There’s always something detached and cold behind it, something that turns the soft roundness of her face harsh. It makes her look like what she is, the product of the world she comes from.

Mahiru has been holding her ground for two years. She doesn’t flinch. “Don’t put words in my mouth,” she says. “I learned a lot at this school’s club. You would too, if you gave it a chance.”

Natsumi slams her locker door hard enough that the sound echoes in the empty classroom. “Fuck off with your holier-than-thou bullshit,” she spits. “I’m so sick of it.”

She jostles Mahiru’s shoulder on her way out the door. Mahiru lets her. Her eyes are stinging and she doesn’t know why.

“This is just like you,” she calls after her. “You start to genuinely like something, and then the second it looks like it might get difficult, you run away from it.”

Natsumi doesn’t look back.

*

Their argument goes the way of all the others: they both ignore it until the uneasy animosity settles enough that they can talk again. Natsumi quits photography. Mahiru gets ready for graduation.

On the last day of class, they sit together on the bleachers after school and watch Yume run her relay sprints. Mahiru has her camera on her knees. Natsumi has her phone so close to her face the backlight casts a reflection on her chin, even in the daytime.

“Who’s on the front page today?” Mahiru asks.

Natsumi lights up. She lifts her head to answer, and— there.

Mahiru is ready this time. She presses the shutter: her camera clicks, and Natsumi balks.

“Hey! What the hell was that?! You have to warn me first!”

“What would be the point of that?” Mahiru asks. She props the camera up in her lap and clicks back through the display. “I’d never get a good one that way.”

In the photo, Natsumi has her face tilted up from her phone, her eyes set just beyond the camera. Her freckles are brighter against her skin, from all the spring sun the past few weeks. Her hair is lit up from behind and to the left, a golden semi-circle around her face. She’s in the early lift of a smile, barely there.

Everything about her is gentle, soft, and warm. It makes her look like what she is, the part she doesn’t want anyone else to see.

Relief floods Mahiru’s chest. “There,” she says. “This one. That’s it.”

Natsumi leans over to look. Mahiru doesn’t mind until it’s already happening, struck by a sudden, unfamiliar wave of self-consciousness. It’s a good picture. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. She still thinks about covering the display with her palm.

It’s too late, anyway. Natsumi’s forehead is pinched between her eyebrows, and Mahiru’s heart is in her throat.

“I wanted one more picture,” she tries to explain. “Of you, the way I see you. Before I graduated. You know?”

It doesn’t help. The self-consciousness burns in her face and neck. All she can do is wait, eyes on her knees. They’re sitting so close they’re almost bumping Natsumi’s.

“This is how you see me?” Natsumi asks. It’s the first time Mahiru’s ever heard her so quiet, but it doesn’t take away from the force of her. It just shrinks the world to accommodate her.

Mahiru lifts her chin. She nods.

Natsumi glances down. Mahiru thinks maybe she’s looking at the photo again, but then she puts her hand down on the bleacher between them. The edge of her pinky brushes the edge of Mahiru’s and it’s so— so childish, the way she freezes up. She’s about to go to high school. She’s more mature than this.

She licks her lips, without thinking. She watches Natsumi copy her, a peek of pink at the corner of her mouth, and feels breathless. “Na-chan, um…”

Across the field, a girl shrieks with laughter. The relay races are wrapping up. A teacher barks at the students to mind themselves.

The world zooms back out again. It encircles everyone else and all their wandering eyes, Yume and their classmates and the dour teacher. Mahiru’s breath rushes back into her lungs.

“I think they’re finished,” she blurts. “We should go.”

She stands up from the bleacher, and wipes her dusty hands on her skirt. When Yume waves up at her from the track down below, she waves back and hops down to meet her on wobbly legs.

Natsumi doesn’t follow.

*

The moment goes the way of all the others: they ignore it. There’s time, Mahiru tells herself. It’ll get better.

High school will change everything.