#I’m almost 26 & I did that same thing today

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, unhappy relationship, mentions of hangover, angst

The start of the new semester at UCLA brought a sense of urgency and routine that clashed with my internal chaos. Alex was excited, his schedule packed with classes and Bruins practice. Meanwhile, I struggled to shake off the lingering thoughts about Matt and Emily from the party, the Instagram follow, and my relationship dying out. I couldn’t tell anymore if my embarrassment was first or second hand. But today was a new day, and I had to focus.

I made Alex a protein-packed breakfast this morning, I had the day off so I had the time. “Thanks y/n” Alex said as he gave me a pat on the back. A pat on the back. He took the last few bites of his meal and grabbed the keys to the car. “I’m not too sure what time I’ll be back tonight, I’ll text to let you know” Alex said as I walked behind him to the front door. I saw him off as he walked down the steps to the driveway. “Aw shit” I hear him exclaim, realizing one of his tyres had burst. "Great, just what I needed," he muttered. Alex and I shared a car, it was originally mine, but I let Alex put it in his name as he needs to get around more than I do. So in simpler terms, Alex has a car that I’m able to drive once a month at least.

"Take my phone and book an Uber," I offered, handing it to him. "I'll figure out the tyre later."

He accepted my phone with a grateful nod and quickly booked the ride. As he waited, I heard my phone ping. A familiar sound, from Instagram.

“Matthew Sturniolo (@matthew.sturniolo) has requested to follow you”

"Hey, looks like Matt wants to follow you," Alex said, showing me the screen with a chuckle. "Guess he enjoyed your company at the party."

My heart jumped, a burning sensation flushed through my body. Why did this have to happen when Alex has my phone.

I tried to keep my voice steady. "Yeah, probably. We did talk quite a bit. I got along well with Nick too”

Alex shrugged, accepting the request before handing the phone back. "Alright, my ride's here. See you tonight."

"See you" I replied, watching him head out the door. Not a kiss to say goodbye or anything.

The day passed slowly, my thoughts constantly drifting to Matt's follow request. It felt like a lifeline, a connection I desperately wanted but also feared.

—————————————————————————

As the evening approached, I texted Alex to let him know the tyre was fixed if he wanted me to pick him up whenever he was ready. He replied saying he had an evening free and he we was going to Uber home with Emily to hang out. They had figured out they were taking the same classes and were coming back to organize a few things for the current semester.

Alex and Emily arrived at our apartment. Alex seemed in good spirits despite the tire mishap. “We have a school trip to Barcelona in 4 weeks, Europe! How exciting!” Emily said with joy. “We decided it would be easier to come back here and look at flights together if you don’t mind helping us y/n, I know you’re good with all of that.” Alex suggested. For some weird reason this lit a fire in my stomach. I knew I was being stupid since it was for a school trip, but it bothered me how eager he was to organize everything. It was almost like pulling teeth anytime I tried to organize a trip with him. After an hour of searching, I found the cheapest flights for them and everything was booked.

"I'm going to hit the sack early," he said after a while. "Practice starts tomorrow."

"Alright, good night," I said, trying to sound casual.

Emily and I were left alone in the living room. An awkward silence settled between us, punctuated by the occasional sound of Alex moving around in the bedroom. I knew I needed to break the ice, and I also had an opportunity to see where her and Matt stood with each other after Saturday night's events.

"So, how are things with you and Matt?" I asked

Emily smiled, her eyes lighting up. "Matt's great. I mean, he’s really sweet and all, but sometimes I feel like he’s too good, you know? I also want to apologize to you for how I acted at the party, it was out of line. We’re only newly friends and I don’t want to embarrass myself or make a bad impression. I honestly still have a hangover from it all”

“Friends?” I thought to myself.

“Oh you don’t need to apologize to me at all Emily, it happens” I respond, trying to make her feel better.

“I feel like I get carried away sometimes. I like the attention I get from Matt, but I also love the attention I get from others."

I frowned slightly. "Others?"

She shrugged, taking a sip from her Stanley cup. "Yeah, I mean, Matt has a big following, and being with him means I get noticed too. I love him, but I can’t help enjoying the attention. It's kind of addicting. Did you not notice all of the influencers at the party?”

Her words struck a nerve. How could she be so nonchalant about treating Matt that way? He deserved someone who appreciated him fully, not someone who saw him as a means to boost their own ego.

"Oh, no I didn’t notice" I said, trying to keep my tone neutral.

Emily glanced at me, her expression unreadable. "It just comes hand in hand with his job. I love him, but I also love being in the spotlight. Is that so wrong?"

I didn't know how to respond. It felt wrong, deeply wrong. Matt deserved someone who loved him for who he was, not for the attention he brought. The more Emily talked, the more I realized she didn’t deserve him. My feelings for Matt, already complicated, grew stronger. He deserved better, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, I could be that for him.

As time passed the conversation changed, I found myself genuinely getting along with Emily despite the lingering irritation from her comments about Matt. We chatted about various things like classes, mutual friends, upcoming campus events and even her life in Austin. I can’t lie, she was easy to talk to, and I could see why she was popular. But underneath her charming exterior, her earlier remarks about enjoying attention grated on me.

I knew I had to keep things friendly. Not just for Alex's sake, but for my own. Staying close to Emily meant staying close to Matt. It was a delicate balance, and I was determined to maintain it.

Later that night, Emily glanced at her phone and sighed. "I should probably get going. It's getting late."

"Do you need a ride?" I asked, half hoping she would say yes so I could see Matt again.

"Yeah, I'll ask Matt to come pick me up," she said, typing out a quick message..

Matt’s POV

I rotted away in my room all day Sunday. I needed some time to myself. Emily went back to college early this morning and I hadn’t heard from her since. After nearly 40 hours of sitting in my room, I decided it was time to try to be social again. I left my room and walked straight into the kitchen to find Nick and Chris sat at the kitchen table.

"Rough night Saturday" Nick asked, eyeing me with concern.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "You could say that."

Chris obliviously laughed. "Come on, it couldn't have been that bad."

Nick shot him a look. "Matt, we need to talk about Emily. Her behavior at the party... it wasn't okay."

I nodded, feeling a weight settle on my shoulders. "I know. She's been like this more and more lately."

Nick leaned forward, his expression serious. "You don't deserve to be treated like that. You do so much for her, and it seems like she doesn't appreciate any of it."

Chris, still not fully grasping the gravity of the situation, shrugged. "Girls can be complicated, man."

Nick ignored him, focusing on me. "Look, I know you care about her, but you have to think about yourself too. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and values you."

I sighed, the truth of his words hitting hard. "I keep hoping she'll change, that she'll realize how much I care about her and start treating me better."

Nick frowned. "People don't change unless they want to. And from what I've seen, Emily isn't interested in changing."

There was a moment of silence as we all absorbed the reality of the situation. Nick then changed the topic slightly, a mischievous look in his eyes. “I noticed you got along pretty well with y/n, Alex's girlfriend.."

My mind flashed back to our conversations. There had been an easy connection, a sense of understanding that I hadn't felt with Emily in a long time. "Yeah, she's great. We had some good talks."

Chris, always one to break the tension in the worst possible way, grinned. "And she’s got a fat ass, right?"

Nick groaned, and I shot Chris a look. "Dude, not the time."

Chris held up his hands in surrender. "Just saying."

The mood soured, I stood up, needing to clear my head. "I'm going to bed. Thanks for the talk, guys."

As I made my way back to my room, my phone buzzed. Emily had texted me: "Hey, can you pick me up? I'm at Alex's place."

I sighed, knowing I'd go pick her up despite everything. I couldn't shake the feeling that something had to change, but I wasn’t sure if it would be her or me.

—————————————————————————

Y/N’s POV

"He'll be here in about ten minutes." Emily said, reading out the message from Matt.

My heart danced but I had to maintain my composure.

We continued chatting until Matt's car pulled up outside. Emily grabbed her things, and I walked her to the door.

"Thanks for having me over," she said with a smile. "We should do this more often."

"We should" I replied, forcing a smile. "It was nice."

We stepped outside, and I spotted Matt waiting in his car. As we approached, he got out and walked over, his expression warm but tired.

"Hey, thanks for picking me up," Emily said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"No problem," Matt replied, his eyes briefly meeting mine. "Hi," he added, his smile softening as he looked at me.

"Hi," I responded, feeling a flutter in my chest.

"How was your evening?" Matt questioned.

"It was good," I replied, choosing my words carefully. "Emily and I had a nice time."

"Good to hear," he said, glancing at Emily. "Ready to go?"

"Yep," she replied, but then she turned to me. "We should all hang out together again, the four of us. Maybe we can plan another double date or something."

"Sounds good," I said, knowing that staying close to her meant more opportunities to see Matt.

As Emily climbed into the car, I took a moment to speak to Matt. "Hey, I just wanted to say... if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here."

Matt looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "Thanks, I appreciate that. And same to you."

Just then, Emily reached over and playfully tugged Matt's arm. "Come on, let's go. I've missed you."

Matt turned to her, his expression softening. "I've missed you too," he said, leaning in to kiss her. Their interaction was sweet and intimate, a stark contrast to the tension I had sensed earlier.

Watching them together, my heart sank. The way Matt looked at her, the way he held her, it made me question everything. Had I misread his kindness? Was I seeing what I wanted to see rather than what was really there?

As they drove away, I stood there for a moment, feeling a mix of confusion and heartache. The connection I thought I had with Matt now felt uncertain, overshadowed by his obvious affection for Emily.

Matts’ POV

The drive to Alex's was quiet, my thoughts a jumble of emotions. When I arrived, Emily was waiting outside, looking a bit worse for wear from her two day hangover but smiling when she saw me.

"Hey, thanks for coming to get me," she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"No problem," I replied, trying to keep my tone neutral. Still wanting to keep my stance that how she acted on Saturday was out of line.

As Emily climbed into the car, y/n turned to me.

“Hey, I just wanted to say... if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here." I knew fully what she was referring to. Could she relate to me? Or was it just out of pity from the events she witnessed at the party.

"Thanks, I appreciate that. And same to you." We locked eyes for a moment, until Emily tugged at me and instantly broke the contact.

We got into the car and drove off as y/n waved us off. On the ride back home I couldn't help but think about Nick's words and the confusion I felt brewing in me surrounding y/n. Maybe it was time to seriously consider what I wanted and needed in a relationship. Emily had her good moments, but were they enough to outweigh the bad?

Only time would tell..

a/n : i’m rushing out for dinner rn so i will proof read and do tags properly when i’m back i just wanted to get this out asaaaaap. we do go back and forth with the povs here soz. part 6 hopefully tomorrow or sunday!!!!

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @sleepyysavv @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @immattsslut @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69

[shanastoryteller]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

please continue slytherin Harry or fem mxy!wwx

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34

Xuanyu is missing.

“She was just here!” Jingyi protests. “How could she have – who was that guy she was with? Did he take her? We have to go after them! You said she hasn’t been feeling well lately, what if she can’t get away!”

Lan Wangji feels his pulse jump at the thought even as he forces himself to calm. There is no reason to panic.

“Calm down,” Jin Guangyao says and he’s offended until he realizes that he’s talking to Jingyi and his wide eyed son, who’s anxiously tugging on Jingyi’s sleeve in an almost comical reversal of their normal dynamic. “No one who’s able to hold their own against Lan Wangji would be able to taken silently from a dozen feet away, not even by Song Lan.”

“Why did she leave?” Jingyi demands. “Why would she go without telling us?”

Xichen sighs. “Perhaps she just wanted to catch up with Song Lan alone and she does not need anyone’s permission to go for a walk.”

This is true. Lan Wangji does not want to control Xuanyu’s actions, does not want her to feel trapped or constrained in the same way that his mother must have felt trapped or constrained.

But he wishes she would have told him.

“I’ll look for her,” Sizhui says, throwing his shoulders back. “If she’s just gone for a walk through town, it shouldn’t take long.”

“She may not want to be interrupted,” Xichen protests.

Sizhui shrugs. “She won’t mind if it’s me.”

This is true. Xuanyu adores Sizhui. Even if she’s looking for privacy, she won’t be irritated or upset at her step son for searching for her. “Go,” Lan Wangi says.

Xichen gives him a look while Jin Guangyao rolls his eyes, but both Sizhui and Jingyi are already bolting for the door in an attempt to outrun any orders Xichen might give to prevent it.

Twenty minutes later they tumble back through the door, even more frazzled than when they left. Lan Wangi is already rising to his feet when Sizhui blurts, “I can’t find her and a bunch of people saw her flying away with Song Lan.”

“Where?” he demands, striding forward. He can hear Xichen telling the disciples to wait for them to return, but he gets several outraged cries, even from the senior disciples.

Xuanyu, as strange as some people find her, is well liked in the clan.

Lan Wangji doesn’t linger, trusting that his brother and whichever disciples plead their way into accompanying him are more than capable of catching up.

~

Wei Wuxian may have underestimated the situation slightly.

“Can you get Xiao Xingchen out of here if I distract Xue Yang?” he asks Song Lan, scowling at the scene below them of Xue Yang laughing with Xiao Xingchen. He’s so glad that he had A-Qing wait for him by the river instead of agreeing to let her lead them back.

“How do you know that’s Xue Yang?” Song Lan asks incredulously. “The girl called him Chengmei!”

Damn. There’s no good answer he can give to that, so he ignores it and says, “Bring Xiao Xingchen to A-Qing and keep them safe. I’ll handle things here. Hopefully whatever he’s done to Xiao Xingchen will end once this guy’s dead.”

“How are you going to handle Xue Yang and hundreds of fierce corpses by yourself?” Song Lan asks, sounding a little too derisive for Wei Wuxian’s liking.

“I’m going to steal his corpses from him,” he answers. “The real question here is how is Xue Yang going to handle me and hundreds of fierce corpses, and the answer is he’s going to die today.”

[esggs]

5 : 14 AM - satosugu

“Thought you said that you’re quitting, Suguru?”

Suguru smiled at his lover’s face, blowing a smoke ring towards him. Satoru didn’t appreciate it, but considering all the things Suguru has done that he doesn’t appreciate, smoking is easy to forgive. Satoru fanned the cigarette-smell away with a hand. “You said the girls didn’t like you smoking?”

“They don’t.” Suguru answered. He found it a bit cute that Satoru would check up on Nanako and Mimiko indirectly like this. “That’s why I do it secretly.” 

Satoru just grunted his annoyance. He was still lying naked in bed, eyes unwrapped, post-orgasm bliss slowly dissipating into the gnawing frustration that only Geto Suguru could cause. The other man had cleaned both of them up and was now sitting cross legged on the easy-chair next to the bed. They were so close: if both of them looked at each other, their lips would touch.  

Suguru dragged a puff. “The girls follow this idol who’s been pushing for an anti-smoking campaign. Mimiko’s ballet teacher talks about staying healthy a lot too.” The girls are growing up well, Satoru. Don’t worry about them. 

“You won’t listen to me.” Satoru complained. “At least listen to them, then. Stop smoking so much. I can see that your stomach walls are getting weaker.” Suguru looked a bit surprised at this, as if he wasn’t expecting Satoru to bring that up, even though he knew nothing could be hidden from the Six Eyes. It was true, lately Suguru had been finding it harder and harder to stomach curses. “It’s probably the smoke killing your internal organs, Suguru.”

“Ah, it could be a lot of other things, Satoru.” Suguru lightly brushed off his concern, but he did douse the cigarette out anyway. “Stress, diet, could be stomach ulcers– don’t just blame the first thing you see . You still keep doing that?” Satoru was obviously not convinced, but chose not to argue further. He just stared at the ceiling of Suguru’s bedroom. He’d memorised that wallpaper pattern at this point. 

“Aren’t you getting late for work, Satoru? The sun will be rising soon.”

“The sun tends to do that.”

Suguru chuckled. To Satoru, it warmed his skies the same whether he was 17 or 26 years old. Such a delicate, tinkling laugh. “Move aside then, Satoru. I’m tired too,” he said, crawling under the blankets next to Satoru. “Didn’t get much rest last night, and I have to fix up so many monkeys today.”

Suguru liked saying things like that to bait Satoru. Satoru knew that. Suguru knew that Satoru knew that. Neither reacted to it.  

Satoru didn’t enjoy coming to see Suguru like this. Once or twice every year, he would end up in Suguru’s bed, unhappy about the circumstances but unwilling to leave. They’d spend one secret night together. Unlike back in those days where they talked about anything under the sun, they avoided talking about almost everything now. The past was too painful, the future a dead-end. Satoru couldn’t ask, “What did you do today, my Suguru?”, because then his Suguru would answer truthfully and the blind peace that Satoru had woven out of this situation would shatter immediately. So they talked about Shoko, smoking, Nanako and Mimiko, and the state of Suguru’s stomach. 

He could feel Suguru falling asleep in his arms. Satoru raked his eyes over Suguru’s handsome chest, branded with the large X scar. He’d offered to fix it a few times, but Suguru would sternly refuse. He knew that Suguru wore that day on his heart every single day since then, replaying it in his head constantly, until he had brainwashed and re-brainwashed himself to this point. Riko Amanai’s corpse. The applause. That one man. That one day that drove them both to insanity. 

“You’re sweating, Satoru. Take the heavier blanket off and move closer, you’ll be leaving soon anyway.” 

He did.

img

a/n: satosugu angst save me. save me satosugu angst. satosugu angst.

i keeping mushing takumi from nana and geto suguru together in my head even though geto would kill him within 15 mins if they met

i love the metaphor of 'willingly blind', gojo choosing to blindfold himself to geto's sins, until the very last moment, which is the only time in canon jjk 0 that gojo finally takes his blindfolds off, and sees geto as he truly is then: dead.

[snowdice]

Big Bang Editing Story [Day 125]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story years ago, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag ‘proofread stories.’ I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57

I have been sick and I'm very tired, but I will work on the epilogue today for a bit at least!

Chapter 58 (Patton)

If Patton hadn’t already been looking, he probably wouldn’t have had any idea what happened.

Everything had been fine. Virgil had been sitting cross legged, idly watching the conclusion of the game they’d been playing when his posture had suddenly changed. Patton had looked over at him only to see an expression on his face he didn’t recognize, but it didn’t seem good.

“What?” Patton had asked, but the question didn’t seem to register to Virgil.

Logan had glanced up confused and also noticed Virgil’s face. He’d just opened his mouth to also ask what was going on when chaos descended.

Virgil was suddenly moving, crashing into King Thomas who hadn’t even looked up to see something was wrong at that point. Patton realized after the fact that Virgil had swiped up the board of the game they’d been playing as he jumped over it, the pieces previously stacked on it scattering all over the blanket. There were three thumps as some things hit the thick board, imbedding themselves into the surface.

When Virgil discarded the board in favor of the picnic basket, Patton saw there were small darts in it oozing a dark black liquid. The parts of the board they touched were dissolving, the grass under the new holes beginning to wilt rapidly.

Logan seemed to notice the oozing liquid the same moment Patton did and was quicker to realize what it was. He grabbed Patton’s arm and yanked him away from the board so hard he almost dislocated Patton’s shoulder, not that Patton was too worried about that. He scrambled away from it when he realized what it must be himself.

He could hear the sound of glassware smashing above them. Logan and Patton had rolled off the blanket in their quest to get away from the smoldering, melting board and apparently Virgil had pulled the picnic blanket fully over the king at some point.

Virgil himself was now gone from where he’d been the last time Patton had looked and it took him a moment to figure out where the boy had gone. The person who had been shooting poisoned darts at them had been drawn out of the wooded area they’d been hiding in by Virgil’s attacks.

They were cloaked in dark green from head to toe, explaining why they’d been difficult to spot when they were in the woods. Whoever they were, they were significantly larger than Virgil, possibly an actual adult or almost adult assassin, but they were also clearly a long distant fighter. They had not been expecting resistance let alone resistance in the form of a so quick he was almost a blur fellow assassin.

They had a bow strapped to their back, but they hadn’t had a chance to get it. Instead, they were trying to fight Virgil off with an arrow they’d managed to draw from their quiver. Virgil, meanwhile was lunging at them with a broken piece of plate in one hand and the picnic basket in the other.

Virgil dodged out of the way of the arrow striking towards his arm, though Patton didn’t think it was because he was afraid of getting scratched by an arrow, but because it may also be poisoned tipped.

Virgil was distracted by dodging for long enough that the older assassin managed to hit him in the face with the arm not holding the arrow.

He went down, but he took the older assassin with him, sweeping their legs out from under them. Patton hadn’t noticed (his mind working too slow for how fast they were moving) but they were on a slight incline. They went rolling in a tangle of arms and legs towards the edge of the cliff and skidded to a stop only a few feet away.

Virgil ended up on top, his piece of broken plate in his hands. He moved to slash it across the other assassin’s throat and managed to draw blood, but the assassin’s fist came out to shove at Virgil’s chest at just the right moment, causing the strike to veer off course and slice across the assassin’s cheek instead.

Virgil jerked to the side to avoid a second strike to the chest and went back for another slash. The other assassin rolled to the side as he did and the plate only managed to nick their ear. The point of the motion hadn’t been to dodge, however. They were lunging for the arrow they’d dropped a few feet away while they’d rolled. They grabbed it with their right hand and in the same motion stabbed back behind them towards Virgil.

Virgil rolled to avoid the hit, already slashing up with his plate as the assassin turned back towards him.

87295

He didn’t hit them this time but his swipe managed to stop them from stabbing him when they tried again. They shoved themselves back to avoid Virgil’s swing, putting a bit of distance between them. Both of them managed to make it to their feet during the momentary reprieve, but both also stayed crouched, eyeing each other.

They both lunged towards each other at the same time. The assassin went for a stab to Virgil’s neck with the arrow, but Virgil was already ducking down. This time, he wasn’t going for a kill shot. He grabbed the assassin’s wrist and at the same time drove his piece of plate into the assassin’s arm, slicing down from the elbow to wrist. The assassin spoke for the first time, cursing in a language Patton didn’t recognize as they were forced to drop their arrow.

Virgil took a moment to kick the arrow away from the assassin and it ended up falling off the cliff.

However, this pause gave the assassin enough time to regroup. Despite their arm bleeding profusely, they still decided to use it to backhand Virgil across the face viciously, leaving a long line of their own blood across his face.

Virgil lunged back forward, but the assassin was able to get a leg between them, kicking Virgil squarely in the chest and sending him flying back a few feet parallel to the cliff’s edge.

The assassin went to grab their bow and another arrow from the quiver still strapped to their shoulder.

Virgil, however, apparently went for another weapon too and he was much faster with a knife than any archer. A knife appeared in his hand, having been strapped to his ankle and was embedded into the assassin’s chest before they could even full remove an arrow from their quiver.

The assassin promptly burst into flames, fire catching their clothes (and from the smell of it their skin) ablaze. Panicked and dying, they stumbled two steps to the side. They stepped directly off the cliff.

There was a second of silence. They heard the sound of the body hitting the ground far below and then the flap of wings and screeching as birds below fled from the startling sound (and possible soon to be forest fire).

…

“Uh, Virgil?” King Thomas said. He had managed to get the blanket off his head at some point. When, Patton didn’t know, but seeing any of it was probably enough.

Oopsie.

Chapter 59 (Logan)

Logan and Patton had been useless during the fight, but that may have been for the best. Considering the skill differential when it came to fighting (and that differential had never been as clear as it was in this moment), that was probably for the best. They likely would have just gotten in the way.

The moment Logan’s father spoke, however, they both jumped into action.

They both knew their jobs in a situation like this. Patton pushed himself up to his feet ungracefully and all but sprinted over towards Virgil. Logan, on the other hand stood to face his father, putting himself very purposefully between the man who had no idea what was going on yet and the boy who was two seconds away from remembering what was going on.

“I can explain,” Logan said.

His father was still sitting on the ground. “You can explain,” he said slowly, “how Virgil just threw an assassin off a cliff.”

Logan thought pointing out that Virgil hadn’t thrown anyone off a cliff and instead had set them on fire with a magical knife causing them to walk off a cliff, would not be useful in this moment. He glanced back briefly towards where Virgil and Patton were standing and then turned back to his father. “Yes.”

“And what would that explanation be?”

Before even starting to speak, Logan found himself making large dramatic ‘explaining hand gestures’ that he’d thought he’d long since trained himself out of. When he was younger and in trouble, he always used to give himself away as guilty by being overly expressive with his hands (and arms).

“So,” Logan said. He was still not able to stop the hand motions. “Virgil was an assassin. He came here to kill you last fall, but he accidently went to the wrong room in the royal wing. Patton and I were having a slumber party and caught him in the act. Then we reformed him and now he doesn’t kill people anymore.” He paused and glanced back, remembering the body that had just toppled off the cliff. “Er, uh, he doesn’t kill people who haven’t shot poisoned darts at people recently anymore?”

“What?”

“Look,” Logan said. “You’re going to have to tell him you’re not going to execute him soon. Patton can only keep him from bolting for so long.”

“Execute him?” his father asked.

“Well, he was a Mocnejsi assassin sent to kill you,” Logan said.

“Virgil is a Mocnejsi assassin,” his father repeated as though to confirm he’d heard him right.

Logan had thought the Mocnejsi was implied. “He was,” Logan confirmed.

“Why does that make more sense than any other explanation I’ve come up with for him?” his father asked while pinching his brow. Logan took that as rhetorical. Then, his father looked at him again. “He’s 14.”

“Yes,” Logan said, “I’m also pretty sure this is the first person he’s actually killed while not under a blood compulsion, so you really need to tell him he’s not going to be executed.”

His father seemed to actually absorb Logan’s request this time. He finally looked over Logan’s shoulder at Virgil, concern crossing his face at what he saw. “Right.”

He moved to step around Logan then, and Logan let him. Logan turned to watch him slowly approach Patton and Virgil, his hands out in a placating manner. He stopped a few feet away.

“Hey,” his father said. “That was a bit scary, huh?” Virgil looked at him, eyes wide and darting around like they did when he was looking for an escape. There wasn’t much of one being so close to the edge of the cliff.

Logan would worry he’d contemplate throwing himself off of it in a bid to escape if Patton wasn’t clutching him to prevent that. “You did a good job.”

That seemed to give Virgil pause, his eyes focusing on father. “Good job?” he asked.

“Yes, well,” father said with a small smile, “judging by what those darts are doing to the grass and how far we are from any supplies for counter potions, I think you blocking them probably saved my life. So, I think a good job is in order.”

Virgil did not respond verbally, though he tilted his head like he did when he was thinking through the steps of a potion.

His posture changed enough that Patton released him cautiously, taking a step away.

“But,” Virgil said. “I’m an assassin.”

“Yes,” Father said. “I could tell by how that fight just went.”

Virgil shifted his weight. “I came here to kill you.”

His father spread his arms wide. “Yet, here I am,” he pointed out. “You’ve had me alone multiple times including once in a secret room possibly no one would have ever found. Plus, you saved me today. I think that more than makes up for the intentions you had months ago.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to send me to prison?” Virgil asked. “Or execute me?”

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“No, of course not,” his father said.

Virgil eyed him, still slightly warry.

“I promise, Virgil, you’re fine.”

“Dad wouldn’t lie,” Logan interjected. Virgil looked over at him and then back at Father. He nodded slowly.

“Good,” Father said. “Now can we get a bit further back from the edge?” He glanced at Patton. “You too, Patton.”

Virgil and Patton both stepped towards him, and he herded them far away from the edge until they were at the edge of the surrounding forest. Logan followed as well.

“Can I touch your face?” Father asked once they were sufficiently away from the cliffs.

Virgil nodded and father pulled out a handkerchief. He carefully wiped the blood off Virgil’s face the best he could (most of it was not Virgil’s) and inspected the boy’s split lip and already bruising eye.

“Is your chest alright?” Father asked.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah.”

Father considered him. “Enough to ride back to the castle.”

“It wasn’t that bad of a hit,” Virgil insisted.

Father studied him for a moment longer. “I’ll choose to believe you for now,” he said. “We should get back to the castle as soon as possible just in case this is not an isolated attack.”

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“We don’t work in teams,” Virgil informed them. “They worry we’d get emotionally attached and not complete our missions.”

“I can understand why they would say something like that,” Father said, letting just a bit of his scorn come through, “but still, we should be on our way.”

With that, he put an arm on Virgil’s back to guide him back towards where they’d left the horses.

“Huh,” Logan said to Patton as they began to walk behind them. “I thought we’d be in more trouble for all of this.”

His father paused at overhearing that, turning to look at them over his shoulder briefly.

“Ah,” said Logan with a grimace. “I see.”

“It’s been nice being your friend all these years Logan,” Patton said solemnly. “Too bad we’re both going to be locked in our rooms for the rest of our lives.”

“Until your 50s with good behavior,” Father informed them blandly.

That was… probably fair. They did allow an assassin to freely roam the castle for months without telling anyone. The fact that his father was now watching that assassin like a hawk to make sure he wasn’t more injured than he was saying, did not change that fact.

Logan couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

Epilogue

“Do you think they’ll light your trees on fire this year?” an amused (but slightly concerned) voice asked from behind Jeffers. Jeffers ran a finger over the empty thumb of his slightly dirty gardening gloves while watching the two boys. They were currently leaning over an unlit lantern and various “supplies.” In truth, he’d stopped his own work to watch the two boys out of that very concern.

“Virgil helped me fertilize that tree a week ago,” Jeffers replied. “So, I’d hope he has some caution.”

“Virgil likes fire though,” Thomas pointed out.

Jeffers sighed. “That he does.” He tilted his head towards Thomas. “You did confiscate the fire knife again after last week, yes?”

“I did,” Thomas confirmed, “but that means very little. Even burying that thing with a corpse did not dissuade him.”

As he spoke, a sudden spark of light flew from where the boys were working. A whining sound and then pop sounded as the spark exploded into 10 pieces, raining down colorful light. Luckily, they burned up before hitting the ground (or the tree).

“Boys, if you set anything on fire, you will be grounded from the festival,” Thomas called in a booming voice. Both boys jumped. Jeffers imagined Logan hadn’t even known he was there. (Virgil certainly did, but he still jumped. “For the second year in a row in Logan’s case.”

“They’re not flammable!” was the claim from Logan.

“I don’t believe you,” Thomas called back.

The boys ignored this, turning back to their experiment.

“We should have kept them grounded,” Thomas muttered. Despite Thomas’s original decision to ground Patton and Logan until their 50s (and Helen’s push to keep them grounded until Thomas, Helen, and Jeffers himself were all dead and couldn’t enforce it anymore), the boys had only been grounded for two months after Thomas had found out the truth of Virgil’s origins. That did, however, mean that Patton and Logan had been grounded from most of the lantern festival the year before.

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Logan, at least, seemed to be trying to make up for lost time this year (explosively). Jeffers did worry about where Patton was slightly, but honestly Patton without Logan or Virgil tended to be much less destructive in his hijinx. The worst he was probably doing was stealing sweets out from under Helen’s nose. Which was why both Jeffers and Thomas were currently here watching these two.

There were more sparks from the boy’s experiment. The grass caught fire at their feet. Virgil hastily stomped it out.

“I’ll watch them if you want to get food to bribe Virgil away,” Jeffers offered.

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (19)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.7k

It was the kind of morning that encouraged the wearing of many layers. The thicker the better. And Sasha, who looked busy feeding soaked hay to the horses of a nearby stable, seemed to have reached that same conclusion before leaving her room that morning. You observed her as she struggled to drain the wet grass without dipping her fingers into the water, and realized you didn’t remember what she looked like under her scarf and wool hat.

Was this winter ever going to end?

The calendar gave a rather optimistic answer, but the weather seemed to be so very in love with the snow, and it didn’t look like it was letting go of its lover anytime soon.

You rubbed your gloved hands against each other and noticed how this was the first time you actually felt cold this season, even though the harshest days were already long behind. But back then, when low temperatures would make everyone complain, and the biting wind would paint their ears and fingers all shades of red, you could rely on your memories and the pleasant fire they lit within. And back then, you also had his body heat to keep you warm.

You glanced at the man standing beside you, his attention completely lost somewhere in the woods before him, and his hand, idly hanging to his side, looked especially inviting under this weather. And you wished you could reach out and take it, but you weren’t sure he would let you hold it.

His breath, turning into white mist as soon as it left his body, was clearly visible against the somber, almost starless twilight sky. His eyes were also a dark shade of blue this morning, and they seemed just as gelid as the sudden gust of wind that caused you to wrap your arms around yourself, rubbing your shoulders as you tried to shrink your body to a size that would be too tiny for the cold to spot.

“You can wait inside if you-”

“I’m fine.” You rushed to say, before realizing the hastiness in your voice risked coming across a little discourteous, and he was your boss after all. “It will start warming up once the sun rises a little more.” You explained, this time trying to soften your voice with a smile, a smile that you hoped didn’t look as unnatural and stiff as it felt on your own lips.

Yes, you had no doubt that the weather would warm up soon, because like a promise kept, the sun would always rise in the morning. And, as you thought about such kind of tacit, unspoken promises, you glanced up: The sky didn’t promise snow today. Maybe it would warm up a little after all.

But, was it really a promise or just your own foolish assumptions? In your case, there was always a bigger chance that it was the latter, and, therefore, throughout the years you had learned to not let yourself get too hopeful about things. That way, when it did snow later and you found your feet stuck under six inches of snow, buried so deep that you couldn’t move backwards and neither forwards, the disappointment wouldn’t hurt as much.

You could tell his eyes were on you, but you didn’t feel like looking back. Instead, you tried to find if there was even a single star still visible in the sky.

It had been almost a full week since he went back to work, and make no mistake, you were happy he did. You were glad to see him instead of the sad empty chair your eyes had been constantly met with for the past six weeks or so. However, it had also been a week since you moved back to your room. A full week since you last heard the raspy good mornings and lulling good nights he would whisper against your ear. A full week since you last engaged in any form of conversation that didn’t have the words ‘maintenance budget cuts’ or ‘decreasing staffing levels’ in them. A full week since you last saw him smile. At least at your way.

And most importantly, it had been a full week since you last felt the reassuring warmth of his lips against yours, and the sweet comfort of his arm around your body. A full week since you told him some very big words. And a full week since he didn’t say them back.

But, could you blame him for that? Not really, and you weren’t mad at him. Because, now that you had a lot of time to spend in the loneliness of your dark room, you started to consider the possibility that maybe he had his boundaries; and that maybe, just maybe, you had been overstepping them lately. Or who knows since when, to be honest.

There was something, however, that you knew very well.

You knew that the life of the Survey Corps’ Commander was already difficult enough as it was, and that he didn’t need any of his subordinates to make things more uncomfortable for him, whether that was with their irrational requests or the unsolicited confessions that left their mouth when they were in bed together. And, all things considered, you figured he could go back to sleeping alone. Not to mention he must be craving some personal space as well. After all, you had practically glued yourself to his side for a month.

As you let your mind travel to warmer moments lived during that month, you realized the silence was making you a little bit too nostalgic, so you welcomed the sound the leaves made as they drifted wherever the wind blew. As well as the distant clatter of hooves.

“They’re here.” He said, and you looked up to find the convoy in the distance. Within a few moments, the shapes grew in size, until they reached the entrance of the castle.

The enclosed carriage that was leading the caravan waited in front as two soldiers opened the gates. It was big and rather opulent, and the glossy finish on the wood told you that it had been polished very recently, and with such dedication that now it resembled a mirror. A mirror that, with its gilded features and painted panels, successfully reflected the personal taste of the owner, whose face remained anonymous thanks to the satin curtains covering the windows.

But the carriage wasn’t the only notable thing in the caravan. The four horses pulling it, as well as the two dozens waiting behind, were splendid enough to overshadow the sumptuous vehicle.

The commander walked to the entrance of the stables, and you followed behind, your eyes still captured by the mesmerizing creatures. When the carriage parked nearby and its doors opened, the identity of the owner was finally revealed: a middle-aged man of imposing height and cinnamon hair who looked surprisingly familiar, and that, judging by his elegant demeanor and conspicuous wardrobe choices, could be nothing other than the lord of some faraway estate.

He hugged the Commander as if they were the oldest of friends, and, as they laughed about some inside joke you were certain you wouldn’t get, you found yourself wishing things were as merry and jolly between you and him as it was between the two of them. But then again, you were pretty sure this old man had never said he was in love with him.

Although, to be fair, it was not like he was avoiding you. In fact, to an outsider it may even look like you were the one doing it. After all, you were the one who decided to move back to your room, and you were the one who was actively trying to keep your eyes glued to your desk instead of looking his way. You were also the one who decided to start leaving immediately after your shift ended.

A stranger reading your latest journal entries would be forgiven for thinking you were the one putting distance between you two, but you were convinced that anyone in your position would understand that it was not something you had chosen deliberately. You were merely reacting.

Reacting to what you felt and perceived: a switch in the atmosphere, a change in his eyes, the feeling of not being welcome anymore. You could see it there, in the icy blue of his irises, and that’s why you tried not to look at them. It made your throat tight and your vision blurry. So you decided it was best to look at the horses instead.

They were truly some of the most magnificent stallions you had ever seen. So bright and alert. The glow in their coat told you that all their nutritional requirements were met, and the bounce of their mane, that they were frequently groomed. You had once heard that even just one of these horses was worth an average person’s lifetime income. And you could see why.

But after some minutes of contemplation, wonder turned into gloom, as you found yourself feeling sorry for them. There was no way these innocent creatures knew about the dangers that awaited them. It was truly such a shame that such gorgeous animals had been born in a world like yours. They deserved to enjoy their days eating fresh grass and running up and down a green hill, somewhere in the middle of a picturesque countryside, and not to spend their lives outrunning titans.

But you tried to cheer yourself up by thinking that they would get to live good lives for as long as they could cling to them. After all, the scouts treated their animals with the utmost care and respect, almost as if they considered their horses to be comrades too.

To your right, you heard the Commander animatedly talking with the wealthy stranger. But your eyes were still lost among the horses, absentmindedly watching their mane dance in the wind. The sound it made when blowing through the trees, delicately rustling their leaves as if telling them it was time to wake up, was something you had always found relaxing. And you realized that, despite the uncomfortable cold, it was such a beautiful day in the forest. If only you could enjoy it.

You wished you owned the carefree disposition of that tall man who had just dismounted his horse and now seemed to be thanking it for the ride. He looked so content and joyful, utterly delighted with the simple act of ruffling its mane, and so did the animal. It looked as if the man was fluent in whatever language it is that horses speak. He looked a lot like a horse whisperer. He looked a lot like-

“Leon?” You heard your own voice calling seconds before the man turned around and smiled, confirming that was indeed his name.

“My lady.” As he made his way to you, his hazel locks danced to the exact same tune his horse’s mane did behind him. His hair had gotten longer, but his smile was as warm and welcoming as you remembered it.

“How come you’re here?” You asked, surprised to find this was the first time in days your smile felt like it belonged on your face.

“I’m accompanying my lord uncle.” He paused as he kissed the back of your hand. “This gentleman right here.” You looked at the man he was pointing at, the one standing next to him, and also the same tall stranger the Commander had been animatedly conversing with.

So this was Lord Koch. His face did look a little familiar after all.

“Commander Smith.” Leon gently let go of your hand before sending an acknowledging nod to the Commander, and extending his hand.

“Lord Angert.” The Commander shook the hand Leon was offering and smiled politely. “Thank you for traveling so far, my Lord. I hope the winter woods weren’t too rough.”

“As someone who was raised out in the cold, my esteemed Commander, I found the weather rather nostalgic.” As the two men shared a chuckle, you couldn’t help but join in, amused by Leon’s interesting way of speaking.

“We had to make a couple of small detours, as we weren’t sure if it was safe to travel anywhere near Ragako or Dauper.” Lord Koch explained. “That added at least half a day to our schedule. We should have been here by yesterday night, so I apologize, Erwin. I think Leon here was the only one who appreciated the change of plans.” He grinned at his nephew, and you noticed that Lord Koch’s eyes also had the tendency to turn into crescent moons when he smiled. “He really wanted to get a present for the beautiful lady here.” You blinked a few times to shake the confusion away when you suddenly felt all three men’s eyes on you.

Leon slipped a hand inside his jacket before handing you a tin box that was all too familiar to you. It did look like you were starting a collection after all, you had three of these now.

And for the first time in this bitter morning, you felt warm, the pleasant feeling immediately taking over your lips. You could really use the sugar today. The sugar, as well as the comfort only your favorite childhood treat could provide.

“Leon, you didn’t have to.” Your fingers reached for the present, unable to keep your lips from curving when you had the small box in your hands. You expected the metal to be cold, but it was actually comfortable to the touch, and rather warm from the cozy pocket he had kept it in all this time.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I figured since I was coming here anyway, I could at least bring you a piece of home.” He explained, using his hand to brush aside the importance of his kind gesture. “Although, I must admit the idea only found me after we were more than halfway through our journey here. But Luckily they had these in one of the villages we stopped by.”

You stared into the forest he had for eyes and wondered if you could find a friend there. Because you felt like you could really use one right now.

“Erwin, these were selectively bred to be approximately five feet tall and nine hundred pounds give or take.” You turned your attention to Lord Koch, who was pointing at the group of horses that was now being taken into the stables. “They may seem heavy but you don’t need to worry about maintenance out there in the field, they can get by perfectly fine on a simple diet, and travel many hours without complaining.” You eyed the horses, they certainly looked way more muscular than your average horse. “And their weight doesn’t affect their performance either. Their top speed is between forty to fifty miles per hour. Pretty impressive, right? We trained them to maintain a swift twenty two miles gallop, even when pulling a carriage. Like I said, a fine speed all the way through. But I don’t pretend you believe just my words. I actually would like to show you right now if you’re up for it. What do you say?”

The sound of the wind waking the leaves from their slumber was the only thing Lord Koch got for a reply. You turned to look at the Commander at the same time Leon did, and were surprised to find him staring back at you. An unreadable look in his icy blue eyes.

“Erwin?” Lord Koch called again and this time he seemed to have more luck in getting a reply.

“Yes, yes, we should.” The Commander said, eyes still fixed on you.

“I’ll get them ready, Uncle.”

“No, son, you can stay. Erwin and I are only going for a quick ride.” Lord Koch smiled to his nephew before turning to the Commander. “Let’s go, Erwin. Let’s leave these two to each other. I bet they have a lot to talk about.”

The Commander threw one last glance your way, a closed-mouth smile on his face, before turning around and following Lord Koch.

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @mchlist @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis @goddessinsweats @nube55 @jeanboyjean @crazychaoticizzy @braunsbabe @erwinawesomeness @apts2000 @lucifers-nipple-piercing

[junglemax]

okay i caved like immediately, based off of @spinetacks recent art

matthew and darby are matching. matthew’s not happy about it.

[drabble]

Matthew hisses as his fingers go over the swelling bumps on his arm. “Screw you, Darbs,” he mutters, looking at the damage in the mirror. “God, this is gonna scar so bad.”

“Aww,” Jack says suddenly, almost mockingly. (He’s been in a god-awful mood ever since Matthew saved him. Quite frankly, Matthew thinks it’s incredibly rude of him, and he’s got better things to deal with than a 26 year old with the attitude of a 15 year old.)

Matthew looks over, confused, and Jack’s looking between his phone and Matthew. “What’s so cute?”

“You and Darby gave each other matching scars. That’s adorable.”

Matthew frowns. “That’s not funny, Jack. He really, really hurt me. Look at this!” He shows his arm.

Jack squints from the couch, raises his phone, and takes a picture before typing something.

“What was that for?”

“I’m gonna send it to Darby.”

Matthew pauses. “Why on Earth do you have Darby’s number?”

“Oh, I got it during the four pillars thing, when we had to team up. I’ve never used it before, so we’re gonna see if I’m blocked or not.” A few seconds pass by, and Jack hums pleasantly. “Oh, look at that! Still not blocked. Very helpful, he is. Unlike you.”

Matthew thinks he’s going to need to send Jack to therapy. Or maybe suicide watch. No one should be that eager to want to die a horrible death at the hands of Darby freaking Allin. “Okay, well I’m going to check up on our other teammates and see if they’re okay while you sit here and mope for the rest of the afternoon like an ungrateful brat.”

Jack mocks his words, then flips Matthew off. Matthew stomps off, and the door shuts right as Jack yells “He just a aw it, by the way!”

Matthew takes a minute or so to try some of his calming techniques. He’s going to need to be professional when talking to Nicholas and Okada. (He decides Hangman is a lost cause and will not be going to see him, despite most of his being telling him otherwise. He will not be dealing with two ungrateful people today, no sir.)

He continues his walk, and is just about to get to Nicholas and Okada’s room when an arm wraps around his waist and he’s pulled into the bathroom.

Matthew’s so surprised he doesn’t even think to fight back, just trying to stay on his feet until he’s face to face with the bathroom mirror, where he finally sees the perpetrator.

Darby grins, making eye contact in the mirror. “Hi, Matt.”

Matthew immediately pushes him off. “What the eff, Darby!”

“Got Jack’s message,” Darby says right as Matthew reaches for the door to not give Darby a lick of satisfaction in beating him up while alone.

Matthew stops at the words though, and turns around, because Darby said it like it meant something to him. “It couldn’t have been that important.”

“It couldn’t have?” Darby sounds hurt, pushing his bottom lip out in a pout. If Matthew didn’t already hate him, he’d find it cute.

Darby reaches for him, and for some reason Matthew lets him pull him back in front of the mirror. He pokes some of the thumbtack marks on Matthew’s arm, earning a hiss each time.

Matthew swats at him. “Stop it, that hurts.”

“Awh, does it?” Darby uses the same tone Jack did before, and Matthew wants to strangle him for it. If they’re working together to go against Matthew, he’s going to kill them before the year ends. “I don’t know if it hurts as much as this did.” Darby lifts his shirt, and Matthew can see the scar the glass left over on his side.

Matthew stares at the lightning bolt shape, then back at his arm, then back again. Both on their right side. If he does scar…

Oh no.

Matthew’s face flushes, realizing that him and Darby are terribly close, with Darby practically against his back, left hand on his waist while his right holds up his shirt just enough. “What do you want, Darby?” Matthew asks, painfully weak.

Darby leans up, lips behind Matthew’s ear. “I want you to realize we’re tied together, now. No matter what you do, who you fight against, who you make allies with, I’ll always be there in one way or another.” He bites Matthew’s ear lightly, just enough to get a whimper out of him, before letting go and pulling away entirely. He slips out of the bathroom without another word.

Matthew shivers, closing his eyes with a shaky sigh. His worst fear is coming true with the worst person imaginable, and he doesn’t even mind.

[malavera]

Brat (m) — Tom Cruise

A/N: I seriously just need to write this out of my system 😩 and i’m not sorry 🫣

tags: porn without plot, smut, daddykink, dom!tom, bratty!reader, spanking, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up kids), choking, creampie, squirting, use a word “whore”, agegap (reader is 26), literally PORN so minors dni!

tagging: @deanscroissant @nerdyreaderpapi @helloitstsyu @tomsf18 @cruisefiles @youlightmeupfinn

You shrieked when Tom yank your arm as you both made your way inside the mansion once you got off from the car.

“Ouch! Daddy, you’re hurting me… Stop!” You faked whine but honestly, you weren’t hurt at all. This was all a part of your plan, to get him going, to tease him.

“What you did back there, Princess?” Tom muttered as he aggressively take off his blazer, slamming it to the leather couch. His hands went to unbutton a couple of buttons from his dress shirt then his cuffs before he rolled the sleeves up to his elbows.

“That was intolerable. You almost made us caught!” Tom snapped. What irritates him the most is that you don’t find this situation concerning to him. You toyed with this situation, you enjoyed this, it’s written all over your face with the smirk and the language from your body that you projects.

“But, won’t it be fun, Daddy? The biggest Hollywood Movie Star..." You trailed as you slowly approach him, swaying your hips slightly seductive.

"Hollywood Royalty, got flustered in an interview because of his young wife, in an interview? She’s sitting so far away yet she got caught playing with her pussy?” You stepped in front of him, with your head high, looking straight into his eyes with the same smirk on your face.

Tom on the other hand, is looking at you with dead in the eyes. His eyebrows scrunched together, his teeth gritted inside his closed lips. This, is the reaction that you wanted. You finally got him. You shrieked when you felt him grip your hair in his fist, pulling you closer, both of your lips almost kissed.

"You, are fucking dead to me."

Tom drag you around to sit on the leather couch. Him sitting down on it while you're forced down to stand on your knees. "Now, I know you're a little minx who doesn't wear her panties out today, lift your dress and bend over my knees. At least be a good girl, for this once." Tom hissed.

You felt giddy on the insides, you didn't even try to hide the smirk on your face. You did what he asked you to. Laying your stomach across his legs, you purposely arched your back so your ass is lifted slightly in the air. Rubbing your thighs against each other as you're about to brace what's going to happen next, your favorite thing.

"I want you to count aloud."

You gasped once the first hit from his palm landed on your ass, “One.” You whimpered.

The second one made your body jolted a bit forward, “Two.”

And the next one was delivered double, “Three, four, urgh.” You whimpered.

*slap*slap*slap*

“Five, six, seven!” You yelped but the sound fell into a moan.

“Oh, you’re enjoying this huh? You’re loving this?” Tom whispered.

By the time you get to ten, you were a moaning mess. Tom bend down to take a look at your squeezed thighs, his finger came up to drag the slit of your pussy. You’re soaked.

“Sshiit! You feel this yourself, Princess? You’re soaked.” Tom chuckled to himself, “What a naughty, whore.”

You were whimpering. Tom kept rubbing his finger against your slit, he moved to teasing your clit slowly rubbing it before he moved down to tease your hole. Tom smirked to himself, biting his lip as he pushed a finger inside your cunt.

You gasped to the feeling, it’s such a relief. Tom toyed with the insides if your cunt, thrusting in and out of it, he decides to add another finger in. “Oh!” You moaned, oh how you loved his fingers. Tom has big hands, you know one finger is full enough, let alone two fingers. It’s almost a size of a cock that your pussy can barely take.

“Hmm? You like it?” Tom leaned down to your ear as he teased you. His fingers never stop railing your pussy.

“Mmm… Yes, Daddy. Oh! Please don’t ever stop.” You begged. The squelching sound forms out from your cunt, Tom watched the way his fingers going in and out of you, curling them, flicking your insides.

Oh, that feels magnetic to you. Got you rolling your eyes to the back of your head.

The bulge in his pants he couldn’t kept it a secret. It turns him on seeing you like this, in fact, he’s been turned on when you challenged him. When he gripped your hair, yanking and dragging you, it’s such a guilt but a pleasure.

“Mmhh… Daddy, please… I want more! I need more, please do something. I promise I’ll be a good, please, please…” You practically begged him and cried. It’s just too good. Pussy so wet you wished he would just add his tongue and eat you out.

Your biggest fantasy is to have Tom Cruise on his knees, eating you up like a grand course meal. But Tom had other plans in mind, yes he thought of eating you out but he doesn’t think you deserve it yet. Aside from turning him on and all, he’s actually really pissed that you pulled that stunt.

“You’ve been naughty, what makes you think you have the luxury to bargain with me?” Tom laughs. Tom pull his fingers out from your cunt, resulting a yelp from you. He grabbed you by the neck and slam you to the leather couch.

“Oomph- Daddy!” You shrieked, Tom just shook his head before he unfasten the belt in his pants.

“You wanted to be treated like a whore, I’ll treat you like one. You’re not gonna cum until I fill you up with my seeds.” Tom spoke out of breath due to the thumping of his heart in excitement of what’s he going to do to you.

“You’re gonna be a good whore, this cunt is going to swallow my cum, and my fingers are gonna fuck them up in you.” Tom smirked, his speech got you laying in frozen.

You swallowed your saliva that you didn’t realize you’ve been holding before you nod your head slowly. Tom smirked watching your reaction, he ripped the buttons of his shirt, harshly tugging his pants down before he spread your legs earning a gasp from you. You watched the way he spit on his hand before he grip his fat cock, coating it with his own spit. Pumping just a few times before he spit your pussy, rubbing your clit with his thumb and slowly goes down to your hole to prepare you. Your eyes fluttered closed from the way he was being gentle with your cunt, you felt him position the head of his cock to your entrance as he slowly push the head in, but then a sudden surprise made you let out a loud gasp, your body jolted up and your eyes widened. A low grunt had escaped, Tom had harshly thrust his cock into your pussy without warning.

He didn’t gave you any time to adjust as he grabs your legs before he straighten them up to the air and spread them open even more. He gave you a couple of rough thrusts, you love the way in each thrust he lets out this sexy low grunt. A smile on your face as you watched him watching you.

Tom clicked his tongue before he readjusted himself in you as he let go of your legs, both of his hands went to choke you and he leaned his body forward. “I know you like it dirty but I didn’t know you’re this desperate.” Tom grunted with a smirk.

He changed his pace from rough to fast. Your mouth went open but no sound came out. Tom rails you. The way his hips snapped and in each thrust you heard his grunts and groans. Your soaked pussy coating his hard cock in you resulting a sloppy thrusts.

You grip his cock with your pussy, giving out a moan from him. His hands went down to rip the top of your dress before he groped your breasts, you were a moaning mess.

“Ooh! Daddy, you feel so good..” You moaned with a gritted teeth.

“Louder, baby.” He breathlessly said.

“Ooh! Yes, Daddy… Just like that… Fuck me, fuck me hard..” You pleaded, your eyes went up to him giving him his favorite doe eyes that he loves about you. Fuck, that makes him go feral.

His hands went back to choke your neck, he adjusted himself from his knees on the couch, before puts his face beside your head, cock still drilling your pussy with all of his strength. By this time, Tom has been saying incoherent dirty words in your ear, saying all of the things that drives his own imagination to make him cum.

Tom grunted, “Urgh! I’m going to cum, baby.. Daddy’s gonna cum.. hard.. in this-” Tom didn’t had the chance to finish his sentence before he spilled his cum inside your warm cunt with a loud grunt. His thighs stutter due to the release. He gave himself another thrust to push the cum inside your cunt.

You moaned in his ear, hands tangling on his hair. Tom slowly pulls himself out from your pussy before his hand went up to his mouth and coat his fingers with his saliva. His fingers went down to your pussy hole before he inserted, not one but two, fingers in an instant. You felt back the previous sensation in your pussy and your tummy as he fucks you with his fingers.

He watched the way your eyes fluttered close, your mouth went agape, your back arching a little. The sound of his fingers in your cunt, if possible, made your pussy produce even more wetness. Tom fastened his pace, pushing, pulling, curling, anything to get you to cum. He leaned forward to whisper in your ear,

“Come on now, Baby… I know you’re loving this.. Cum on daddy’s fingers. I know you’re such a whore for my fingers.” Tom whispered in your ear as you whimpered.

“Daddy.. Please, right there! Yes, don’t stop…” You begged. Sinful words had spilled out from Tom’s mouth to turn you on even more. Tom pulled himself up before he took out his fingers, lift you into a sitting position then get on his knees on the floor. He’s finally giving what you want. He inserted his fingers back in, your legs automatically set themselves on Tom’s shoulder as he dive his face to your pussy. His tongue toying with your clit while his fingers flicking inside your pussy.

Fuck the view from above is so hot, You thought. Before you know it, you lift your legs off from his shoulders before you felt your legs shook as you squirted out your release with a loud moan.

And just like that, you finally got what you wanted.

Squirting on, Hollywood’s Biggest movie star, Tom Cruise’s face and you’re not sorry.

[basil-the-scorned]

Kip Sabian/Orange Cassidy fic

AN: finished thing will be on AO3 but this is mostly finished, but it's been 3 damn months of working on this thing and Orange keeps getting cucked so hard so yeah...

Today was another stream for Kip, except as he looked at his setup, he saw the frown that he couldn't wipe off. The last thing he expected to start off today was to be jostled out of his sleep by Orange jumping off of the bed and leaving the room, sending papers on the bedside flying. That made any sleep Kip had mostly vanished, and he rushed into the kitchen to find Orange dressed in his jean jacket and sweatpants, a mixed match set that would have had Kip teasing at any other moment if he wasn't so concerned.

"Clementine?" He asked, hoping that the worry didn't seep through. It got Orange's attention, who threw his Jansport onto his back with such speed, it seemed it almost collided with his back. "What's going on?"

He heard the sigh that was let out, almost painful with how deep it sounded. It knew it wasn't annoyed, he teased Orange enough to know the difference between him being annoyed and this...this new feeling that he hasn't seen on Orange before. At least, until he turned around and he saw him with the sunglasses, and then he got some kind of idea.

Orange took another breath, one more shaky than the first. "Nothing, I just..." Kip's own breath caught in his throat at Orange's voice, sounding close to crying despite the calmness on his face. "I...I’m going out for a bit." He starts turning back towards the door, and Kip surged forward towards him. He reached his arm out and grabbed his shoulder, feeling the way Orange’s shoulders jumped at the touch.

“Orange-”

“Kip, please.” The plea broke his heart, and it fueled all the want to drag him back to the bed and get to the bottom of what’s really going on. However, something else was telling him that maybe the space was needed. 

He was still concerned, but Kip squeezed his shoulder as he told him to just come home safe. 

He’s been worried ever since, and honestly was still debating on canceling the stream. Orange did text him an hour later to say he was ok, but it wasn’t the same as hearing his voice or just seeing and holding him in person. Kip’s been trying to distract himself with other things, but nothing was working because his mind kept drifting to everything that happened this morning.

Against his better judgment, he cuts on the stream and jumps straight into cutting his video on. He predicted that his chat was going to notice he wasn’t himself, and he was right as not even five minutes into the stream, he saw the same message asking if he was ok. He didn’t tell them everything, but he summed up what happened this morning  with vague details and said that it wasn’t going to be a long stream today. The longer he went on, the more his nerves were getting the best of him worrying about his partner. 

So he browsed Youtube to play something to distract him and the chat and played a disco song, something he realized 5 seconds later that he heard on Orange’s stream the last time he clocked in. Kip just leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes.  He wanted him home, safe where he could hold him and just be there. 

Near the halfway point of the song, he opened his tired eyes, the chat out the corner of his eye going rapidfire with messages of taking a break or getting off. Honestly, a break sounded nice. He flipped on the break graphic and got up from his seat to head towards the kitchen. 

Kip’s feet dragged across the floor, barely lifting as he moved from carpet to tile and feeling the grooves going from his toes to the heel. He looks towards the counter out of habit, only to find empty space. He began to gather the tea and boil the water for it on the other counter, then walked into the pantry to find the honey bottle, sticky everywhere he touched.

By the time he brought it back to the room, he saw the timer read 26 minutes. He lets the lemon sweet flavor sit on his tongue as he drags his mouse to unmute the mic, ready to greet the chat again when he hears the sound of more soft footsteps entering the room. Kip quickly turned around just in time to see Orange in the doorway, his head looking more at his shoes than at him.  For a second, they both stood still as if they didn’t know which one was going to make the first move. 

And Kip wasn’t too sure who did make the first move, because he just saw Orange coming straight towards him and he didn’t even hesitate to open his arms as he fell into them and held him as he shook until his quiet cries turned into hiccups and sniffling, until Kip felt him slowly pull away from his chest and look up. 

“I’m sorry.” He heard Orange whisper, and that made Kip frown a bit. The calm mask he had on this morning with his glasses was barely on now with uncovered puffy eyes that were starting to water again. “I should have stayed here, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry,” he repeated back into Kip’s chest.

“Oh, Orange…” And honestly the last thing Kip expected was an apology for this morning but there it was, out in the open with Orange’s voice getting those hitches between his words and Kip felt his own eyes starting to burn the longer he let it settle. 

With gentle hands, Kip cupped Orange’s face and felt the tears that were now moving across his arm. Orange leaned into the touch, red-rimmed eyes now looking at Kip with a sadness that spoke a thousand words.  Kip had some more words as well, stuck in his throat but he swallowed it down when he felt more tears running down his arm, and the way Orange was starting to shake again.

”I thought…I thought being alone would help. It usually does, I don’t know why- ”  He choked on the last word, squeezing his eyes tight as he buried himself back into Kip’s chest and his hands now finding a hold on his shirt, the upper part of it warm and damp. 

Kip knew why. He had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t say the first thing he was thinking, but he will certainly pay a  former ‘friend’ a real close visit when he gets backstage again. But there was more to it, and Kip’s plans of annoying vengeance could wait right now. Instead, he let his hands run through Orange’s hair, comforting him in the best way he could.

Orange’s ability to be nonchalant in the worst situations, or best depending on who you are, makes people think that’s him with everything. But if they asked anyone that hung around with Orange more than once, and if they paid any attention in the ring, they would see that chillness can only go so far. Kip would personally know first hand.

 He also knew that it takes a lot to shake up Orange, enough to where it showed in his body and words so it scared him to even think about whatever got to Orange this morning. 

Eventually, he was able to bring Orange away from the room into the kitchen, the stream be damned at this point. He decided to make another lemon tea, and did the exact same thing he did earlier. Only now he had a warm shadow trailing behind him with every move, which he didn’t mind as he slowly brought the two of them and the very warm tea to the couch. 

The sunglasses that were resting on Orange’s face were long gone and while tea could only do so much, Kip was glad to at least see the way Orange was slowly relaxing with every sip. He felt the warmth on his side go away, only to come back full force right next to him and the cup on the table.  He let his hands go right back onto his hair, which got a sound of relief. 

 “Tea helped a bit?” He asked. Orange hummed a low ‘yes’, still leaning into Kip with his eyes closed.

Kip messed with his teeth in thought, the other words he had in his throat now trying to come out in a rush and he let it. “It’s been a wild few months for you, love.” That was an understatement in itself, but that’s the best way he could describe the rollercoaster Orange’s been on. He got a weird huff of a laugh in return, which he was hoping was good. 

“Too much going on.” Orange’s voice was a low growl. “Everything I do seems to set off something else, and I don't know what or who might-” Orange stopped himself, fingers still moving through his hair while his own hands were gripping his pockets. “I got a lot more on my back than I realized, and I didn’t really realize it until almost everyone left.”

All Kip could really do is let out a heavy breath of his own. Even after the championship run, Orange was still going in matches and tournaments, tours and presses, and so much more. Kip was cheering as much as he could on social media and on phone calls after matches, but there’s a huge difference in being there physically like Orange’s group was.

Then everything hit the fan way too quickly, and like Orange said almost everyone left.

Everyone but you and Chuck. He left out, but Kip knew. He might have had his own feelings about the man in the past, but he texted him a million thank yous when he saw what he did for Orange in the ring against Trent. That’s a true friend through and through, until the literal bitter end.

Again, he held most of his tongue back but he let some of those words slip. “Well you won’t be alone any longer, that’s for damn sure.” That was something he had his mind already set on, and today made it even more clear. 

[broadwaydivastournament]

Will She Get a Tony Nomination?

Tony nominations are out tomorrow morning, and how am I coping, you ask? Like Madeline Kahn's (Not) Getting Married Today.

This season, eleven of our beloved Divas have opened a show on Broadway. In a remarkably overcrowded season for musicals, the competition is stiffer than ever, especially for our women of a certain age. Statistically, women over fifty (or even forty-five) are less likely to be nominated and/or win a Tony. I have done the math, I’ve crunched the numbers, I have a stupidly detailed spreadsheet, and the mean age for both nominations and wins of Leading Actress in a Musical is under 40. This is largely because the parts for older women just aren’t there in the same quantity as younger women. Since the Tonys began in 1947, only twelve women ov 50 have won for Best Leading Actress in a Musical. And two of them were Chita Rivera, so like… eleven, technically.*

*I have thoughts on why Bette Midler (oldest winner) should not have won but that’s a separate post…

That being said, let’s talk Tony likelihood. But wait, you say, what makes me (@droughtofapathy) remotely qualified to predict anything? Well, nothing. I’m just some stranger on Tumblr who doesn’t do theatre professionally. However. As of today, I have seen 209 Broadway shows, and by the time the Tonys roll around in June, I will have seen every new show eligible.

Also. I read the Tony Award Rules & Regulations handbook (all 26 pages) because why not?

Unlikely:

Andrea Burns (Featured Actress in a Musical: The Notebook)

Andréa Burns has never been nominated for a Tony before, and is unlikely to do so in a fiendishly overcrowded musical season this year. I love her dearly, and she always steals the show, but she would be entering as Featured Actress in a Musical, and it is rough out there, let me tell you. There’s probably over fifty featured roles for women, if not more (though most would not be serious contenders), and only maybe fifteen even considerable. Andréa Burns alas, falls short. She does basically nothing.

Emily Skinner (Featured Actress in a Musical: Suffs)

Oh, I love me a broad, but Emily Skinner is kind of your definition of a working actress who’s generally pretty well-employed, but not your top-line star, or even your go-to featured. I adore her, she’s wildly talented. And she plays bit parts on Broadway. Her roles in Suffs, an ensemble show at its core, are small and offer just a few opportunities to ham it up, but are not going to nab her a nomination. She’ll be one of almost twenty women on stage, with at least half a dozen meatier parts. Still. I am deeply obsessed with her whole performance and I need her carnally.

Jennifer Simard (Featured Actress in a Musical: Once Upon a One More Time)

Darlings, if you asked me this in the fall, I’d say she had a great shot. Was the show good? Nope. But was it fun? Yeah, it was pretty entertaining. Was Jennifer Simard the singular best thing about it? Oh, fuck yeah. She had audiences screaming and crying with laughter as Cinderella’s Stepmother (one of three Stepmothers in three separate shows on Broadway in 2023, and probably the one with the best part). Her “Toxic” is on youtube right now, and you need to see it. The vocals will blow you out of your seat. But it’s crowded, and that show did not last at all. Recency bias is against her. I don’t see it happening, but it’s the one in this category I would be most ecstatic about.

Long-Shot:

Uh, disclaimer, I will be seeing Uncle Vanya one day after nominations come out, so I'm just guessing here and don't quote me on any of this...

Lea Salonga (Featured Actress and Producer: Here Lies Love)

For the record, while I do think Lea Salonga realistically has less of a shot than Jennifer Simard for Featured Actress, I still put her here instead because she’s a beloved Broadway Diva who starred in a creatively innovative and novel show (that I hated it is, again, a separate post). I also don’t think the role itself is nearly large enough to garner a nomination, nor is it the sort of one-scene showstopping wonder that Katie Finneran was in Promises, Promises. So, unlikely, but hey, I’d love a win for Asians. She's also one of the show's many producers, which is more likely to net her a nomination. (Note: Lea Salonga getting a producer nomination for Here Lies Love is a likely for me, so move that down.)

Laurie Metcalf (Lead Actress in a Play: Grey House):

There are, I believe, eight leading actresses eligible for the Tonys, making this probably a four-person category, maybe five if they don’t hate women like they always do. And it is with great devastation that I report the four leading contenders are all white, blonde, screen actresses and I hate it. I hate everything about it. But I digress. Laurie Metcalf deserves to be nominated. Her performance was harrowing, unsettling, and so fucking weird. Grey House was an experimental horror play that didn’t open at the right time (mid-summer instead of Halloween? What the fuck?) and didn’t find its audience. But she had me in tears. If the world is good, and I doubt it, she'll get that fourth nomination. She's a Tony darling, so maybe?

Beth Leavel (Featured Actress in a Musical: Lempicka)

Almost no shot given the small part she has. The Baroness doesn't get much more than one heartwrenching 11 o'clock number at the end of the show, and little other chance to sing or shine. The book also doesn't lend her any opportunities to do much with the awkward and inelegant dialogue. But she's also a beloved industry favorite, so perhaps some miracle will happen? I doubt it. Especially given how the show's been received...

Jayne Houdyshell (Featured Actress in a Play: Uncle Vanya)

Jayne Houdyshell was a solid maybe/likely for me. Career vet with a great performance. I thought she'd get in. She got in for Music Man in 2022 and who the fuck saw that one coming? Yeah, she was good, but like…seriously? I mean, I know it was our first year back and all, but-- Actually, strike all that. I’m looking at the season list here and yeah, no, she deserved it. That tracks. I mean, I’d have put Luba Mason (heartbreaking) or Samantha Williams (a fucking delight) over her, but it makes sense. It was not a time in the world for downer stories. We needed levity and light and hilarity and that was Jayne Houdyshell. But apparently her part has been reduced in this production, so I'm amending my statement. Less likely than I thought. Sad times.

Anika Noni Rose (Featured Actress in a Play: Uncle Vanya)

Anika Noni Rose was our last hope of saving the Leading Actress category from the fucking white ladies with their A-list Hollywood names. But per the final eligibility ruling, she's featured. So there goes everything. Featured is just so damn stacked this year (and every year) that I don't know. But I swear, if I see the nominations for Leading Actress and it’s just a four-person box of white blonde Hollywood women, I will burn the American Theatre Wing to the ground.

Likely:

LaChanze (Producer: Jaja’s African Hair Braiding, Here Lies Love, The Outsiders)

What a career transition this has been for LaChanze. From being nominated for Best Leading Actress in a Play in 2022 to winning TWO Tony Awards for producing in 2023 (Kimberly Akimbo for Best Musical and Topdog/Underdog for Play Revival), she’s on cloud nine. And now she’s back again with three more contenders. I think/hope Jaja gets a Best Play nomination. Out of the ten new plays, four are hard nos, but the other six are strong. Jaja's was fantastic. I loved this play. Strong and smart and well-received. It’s a decent, but not guaranteed, candidate. As for Here Lies Love, well… maybe. It was an ambition and creatively novel endeavor. I personally hated it for political reasons, but maybe it gets a nod? It’s a bloodthirsty year, but this show is shaping up to be one of the best-reviewed of the season. The most likely candidate would have to be The Outsiders, which may also be a moderate contender for Best Musical overall. However, having seen it, I hate it.

If She Doesn’t, I’ll Eat My Sondheim Hatbox:

Something something parallels, doomed relationships, exquisite performances, chemistry...

Kelli O’Hara (Leading Actress in a Musical: Days of Wine and Roses)

I know I’ve been saying it’s a crowded year for musicals, but this one was already locked in from day one. It is unfathomable to me that Kelli O’Hara would not be nominated for an eighth time. She has been nominated for every single role she’s had on Broadway since 2005. She is the darling of Broadway, beloved by all, genuinely kind, unproblematic, hardworking. If you’re going to love a (living) white blonde lady, this is the one. Aside from that, she’s going to be nominated because her performance was exquisite. Heartbreaking, ugly, excruciating, gorgeous. Her voice in this show was as close to an aural sexual experience as you will ever get. Statistically, she probably won’t win. Leading Actress in a musical has not gone to a closed show since Angela Lansbury in 1975. But she’ll be recognized.

Bebe Neuwirth (Featured Actress in a Musical: Cabaret)

Bebe Neuwirth back on Broadway in a beloved classic role of a beloved classic show. It is a match made in paradise. Fraulein Schneider is a wonderful, understated, deeply moving role. It’s been nominated four times for every Broadway iteration there ever has been. Thrice in featured, and was even considered a leading role in the original 1967 Broadway production (hello, Lotte Lenya). If the streak breaks with Bebe, I’ll riot. The circumstances, crowded or not, are favorable. Bebe is a veteran stage actress. Voters and audiences think of her fondly. It’s a Kander and Ebb. She got the biggest rave reviews I've ever seen, even as the show itself got panned. Right now, I would say there are three sure-fire nominees, and she’s one of them. I want her to win. I need her to win. I need her to be one of only three nominations this goddamn production gets. (Her, Skybell, and maybe scenic design, even though I'm mad about that too.)

[anglophiletraveler]

In My Life Chapter

There’s a lot going on in this chapter, new characters are coming into play. Hopefully my picture of the outfit that I pictured Demelza in comes out okay, because I really love it! And as always, thank you to my supportive Italian friend, Karen Bockius!! Enjoy!!

Chapter 26

“I Am Yours”

By

Andry Grammar

**************

Demelza and Ross settled into Ross’s BMW and put their seatbelts on.  Both let out long sighs at the same time, and looked at each other and started laughing.

“Bloody hell Ross, no offence love, but I’m kind of glad to be out of the house for a couple of hours,” Demelza stated.  Ross started the car and headed out the long drive.

“No offence taken, love.  And I feel the exact same way.  I only hope that the party isn’t all stuffy nonsense and we can actually enjoy it,” Ross added.  

Demelza squinted her eyes at something she’s been thinking about ever since they arrived at Nampara.  “Ross.”

“Hmmm.”

“There’s something that I noticed today.  Do you realise that here at your home, that you call your mother ‘mama’ and your father ‘papa’.  But in London when they were visiting for Christmas you called them mum and dad.  It’s almost like you fall into being, what is it that Jud and Prudie call you?” Demelza observed.

Ross sighed, “Young Master Ross?”

“Yes!  Young Master Ross!  Did you get realise that you did that?”

Ross shook his head a little and made a face, “Yeah I guess I do. I guess coming back to my childhood home causes me to do that.  Do you think that’s bad?  Do you want me to stop doing it?”

“Oh no, you don’t need to stop.  It was just something I observed.  I think it’s kind of sweet.”  Demelza told him.

“What about you Demelza?  Drake calls you sister most of the time instead of your name.  Did your other brothers call you sister as well?”

“Yeah for the most part.  Actually, after me mum died,  I hardly ever heard my name unless it was at school.  My brothers called me sister, and sometimes I called them brother.  Me mum called me Demelza, but my father always just called me daughter,” Demelza got a shiver just thinking about that memory.

Ross grabbed Demelza’s hand and it kissed it tenderly.  He could see the pain in her face,  and hear it in her voice. “I’m sorry I asked, love.  Try to forget about it and have a good time tonight, yeah?  You’re going to be the most beautiful woman at the party, and I’ll be the luckiest man there, because you’ll be going home with me.  You’ll be on my arm, and I will never let you go.

“Thank you Ross.  Does that mean that you’re going to dance with me tonight?” Demelza asked.

Ross rolled his eyes and acted like he was sick with his best Cockney accent, “I don’t knoow if I’ll be able to dance, love.  I’ve got a bit of a pinch in me back, right back ‘eeere see.”

“Oh Ross, you’re barmy!”

“Oh babe, of course I’ll dance with you.  I don’t think we’ve ever danced together, have we?” Ross asked.

“No, I don't think so, not properly anyway.  Well, we best get a move on or all the good appetisers will be gone before we get there!” Demelza smiled, and this made Ross laugh at the ginger.

“Oh my love, I do love you!” Ross sighed.  Watching Demelza eat was one of his favourite things to do.  She thoroughly enjoyed food, especially Chinese, and she always seemed to have a hollow leg when it comes to eating.  He wondered if it was because of the way she and her brothers grew up without a lot of food in the house.

****************

“Bloody hell look at this place!  Caroline’s uncle certainly has the outside of the mansion decked out.  If this is what it’s like on the outside, I can’t imagine what the inside will look like!  And valet parking!  Well love, I have a feeling that you’ll certainly see servants decked out here!  They’ll make ol Prudie and Jud look like street rats!”  Ross was clearly impressed by the Penvenan home.

Demelza looked at Ross, “Haven’t you ever been to Killewaren?”

“I don’t think so.  If I ever was, I certainly don’t remember it.”

“Hmmm I find it odd that I’ve been here and you haven’t,” Demelza said.

Ross parked the car and got out so that the valet could park the car, and then walked over to Demelza’s side and opened the door for her.  He wrapped Demelza’s arms around his and kissed her.  He noticed that her face was just glowing. He gallantly led the way to the front steps, “Shall we my love?”

“We shall, my love!” Demelza giggled back.  And with that, the dashing couple made their way into the front door.  

As soon as they entered the foyer, a servant took their coats for them, and another one guided them to the main hall where the bulk of the party was.  Ross tried to look around without looking like a gawking school girl but it was hard.  The foyer alone was impressive with a beautiful chandelier above their heads, and a large round marble table in the middle with a tall vase of flowers.  Beneath their feet was a marble floor.  Ross was wondering how old that was.  In the main hall there were sparkling chandeliers overhead, and a spectacular black and white tile floor.  Christmas trees decked out in white lights and red and gold ornaments stood on the perimeter of the room.  It wasn’t long before Ross heard a loud squeal which made him turn around towards a billowy blue cloud that was heading towards him, which turned out to be a stunning Caroline running over to hug Demelza, with Dwight following behind her like a good boyfriend.  

Ross and Dwight shook hands and laughed at their girlfriends hugging each other and carrying on like they haven’t seen one another in years!  

Dwight smirked, “Well Ross, if these two keep this up, we might not have to dance at all tonight!”

“We can only hope, mate.  We can only hope!” Ross answered back.

Caroline stopped in her tracks and gave a death stare to the two men, “Not a chance Dwight Enys!  Don’t even think about it.  I’m not wearing spanx and sucking my stomach in for no reason!”

They all laughed at her.  Ross offered, “Caroline you look absolutely stunning in that gown!”

Caroline smiled and did a turn in her sleeveless blue ball gown, her blonde hair pulled into an updo.  “Thank you Ross.  But Demelza looks absolutely spectacular does she not!  I wanted to wear some fun pants, but as hostess I thought I should wear a gown.”

“Demelza, you do look amazing.   At first I thought you were in a gown until I saw that you were actually wearing pants.” Dwight said.

“Oh thank you Dwight.  I went for comfort tonight after today was a bit tiring and emotional.” Demelza offered.

Just then a server came by with a tray of champagne flutes, which the four friends gladly took part in.

“Why, what happened today?  And why were you not going to come tonight?” Caroline asked

Demelza looked at Ross, letting him decide whether or not to bring up his mother’s health.  Ross looked down, and then sighed.  “Um, we can talk about that later on this weekend. Buuut, Demelza had her first driving lesson today!”

Dwight and Caroline gave a shocked, “What!?”  Demelza stuck her tongue out at Ross, but she knew that he was just changing the subject.  

“How did you do?” Dwight asked.

“It was bloody awful!  Ross is lucky that I haven’t killed him yet!” Demelza said.

“Oh she didn't do too bad once she got the hang of it.  But just let me tell you Dwight about our darling, sweet Demelza!  She has the mouth of a sailor!  I couldn’t believe how my sweet and innocent Demelza turned into Cruella Deville once she got behind the wheel.  Uh huh, it’s true my friend.” Ross was really getting into telling the story.

Dwight’s eyebrows raised, “Really!  I can’t believe it!  I’m just shocked!”

“Yes Ross, how did you manage the impossible?  I’ve been trying for years to get her to take driving lessons,” Caroline added.

The lights in the hall dimmed and the DJ started to play music to get the night kicked off.  Pretty soon Norah Jones was being heard in the ballroom.  

“Oh you three are just so funny!  Just for that Ross Poldark, you owe me a dance right now!”  She grabbed Ross’s champagne flute and set it down with hers and dragged him onto the dance floor.  

Caroline raised an eyebrow at Dwight and cleared her throat.  Dwight knew that was his cue, “Would you like to dance my darling?”

“Why, I would love to.  Thank you for asking, my love!” Then Dwight led her out onto the dance floor.

***********************

Ross was holding Demelza in a standard hold for lovers dancing, his left hand holding her right hand to his chest, and his right hand on her waist, while Demelza was softly running her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.  Demelza was almost the same height as Ross with her heels on so there was definitely some sweet nothings being whispered in ears, and noses rubbing.  Despite his earlier protests, Ross was very much enjoying holding Demelza close like this and dancing.  He didn’t really mind dancing like this with his love.  It was the waltzes and foxtrots that he learned while growing up with Verity that he really didn’t care for.  It was standard for the children of upper society families to take dancing lessons so that they could hold their own at debutante balls, etc.  So he was always roped in by Verity to be her partner at various dance lessons.  

Another slow song came on next.  “Oh, I love this song,” Demelza said.

“Really?” Ross said.  “I don’t know if I’ve heard it before?  What is it?”  

“Really, you don’t know it?  It’s ‘I Am Yours’ by Andry Grammar.  It’s just so sweet.”

Ross noticed that Demelza’s eyes were shiny with tears, and he couldn’t help but bring her even closer to him, and kiss her so lovingly, even if it was on the dance floor in front of a hoard of people.  Then he spoke, “Well, then I guess this makes it our song.”  This made the tears run down her cheeks slowly.  “Oh my love, you don’t need to cry.  I’m here for you and I will always be here for you.”

“No matr wha’  ‘appens,” Demelza said.

Ross smiled at her Cornish accent coming out, “No matter what happens, my beautiful sweet Demelza.”  And he kissed her again.

Caroline was watching her best friend, “Aww Demelza is crying,” she whispered to Dwight.  “Happy tears I hope,” he responded back.  “Oh Dr. Enys I think they are.”  Carolinie looked at Dwight and they shared a soft kiss as well.

But what Caroline didn’t realise is that they weren’t the only ones watching Ross and Demelza share a tender moment on the dance floor.  One of the servers working for the catering service was observing the couple and had a pensive look on his face.  In another corner of the ball room, Elizabeth and Ruth Teague were both scowling at Ross and Demelza in confusion.  Ruth finally spoke up, “That is not Ross’s secretary that he took home that one night.”  

Elizabeth snapped her head at Ruth, “Well obviously not!  Who is that hideous creature?!”  

“I have no idea Elizabeth, but whoever she is, they certainly look smitten with each other,” said Ruth.

Francis walked over with three champagne flutes.  “Well, what has the two of you craning your necks over?” Francis stated to the two women.

Elizabeth flashed him a dirty look, “We were wondering who it is that Ross is dancing with.”

“Ross?  I didn’t know he was going to be here tonight.  Wow.  Well, they’re obviously in love.  I think they make a great looking couple.” Francis added to the misery that Elizabeth was feeling.

“Well, I don’t!” Elizabeth hissed at her husband.  Francis thought for a moment that his wife’s head spun around 360 degrees!

“Well, whoever she is, it’s Ross’s business, not ours.  Would you care to dance my dear wife?”  Francis asked.

“Shut up Francis.  Just shut up!” Elizabeth was practically spitting glass now.  Francis did a mock bow to his wife and turned around and left the two vipers to themselves.

***************

The song had ended but apparently Ross and Demelza were oblivious to everyone else, until Dwight interrupted their bliss.

“Oi!  Mate!  The music stopped!”

Ross pulled away from Demelza, “Oh I guess it has.”

“Let’s go find some food.  Caroline is playing hostess and I’m starving.  She wouldn’t let me snitch a small bite to eat before the party.”

“Sounds good.  I’m starving too.  Lead on Dwight!” Demelza said. 

They headed into the dining room where a large buffet was set up, with servers dishing out the food.  On the other side were round tablets for people to sit down and enjoy their food.  The three friends didn’t waste time getting in line at the buffet.  Everything looked delicious, and there was something for everyone.  On the end was a carving station with a large carving roast beef being served.  

“Oh gosh, I shouldn’t have worn white tonight.  I just know that I’ll drip something on me and leave a big stain right in front.  I’m going to have to avoid anything with red sauce in it.” Demelza complained.

Ross smiled at Demelza’s quandary.  “We just can’t take you anywhere Demelza!”  Dwight thought this was funny as they advanced in the line.  

“Hello Demelza.”  They all three heard the unfamiliar voice and looked up at the red headed server that said Mo Demelza’s name.  Ross heard a gasp from Demelza, and then the next thing he heard was the crashing sound of Demelza’s plate that she dropped on the floor.  Demelza’s face was white as a sheet.  Ross quickly set his plate down so that he could catch Demelza to keep her from falling.  “My God Demelza! Honey, what’s the matter?  Are you ill.”  He looked at the server, then back at Demelza, and then yelled for Dwight.

“Ross, bring her over here to this table and sit her down,” Dwight ordered.  “Can someone please get us a glass of water, and a cold compress or a wet dish towel.  Hurry!”  The doctor ordered.  “Demelza please, let me have a look at you.”  He felt her pulse, which was racing.  Her pupils seemed normal. She was breathing erratically.  “Demelza do you feel dizzy?”  She shook her head even though it felt very heavy.   “Demelza you’re hyperventilating, try putting your head between your legs.  Maybe that will help.”  Dwight told her.  

Ross looked at Dwight, “What is wrong with her Dwight?  Should we take her to hospital?”

“Let’s just give her a moment and see how she does.”  Just then a server came over with a glass of water and a wet dish towel.  “Okay Demelza, Try sitting up very slowly.  We don’t want you to get dizzy again and pass out.  Can you drink some water?”  Ross grabbed one of her arms to help her sit back up and gave her the water to drink.  He bent down in front of her to help her hold the glass since her hands were shaking.  “Demelza, can you tell us what happened?  What made you pass out like that?”  Ross asked her.

Demelza took a minute and looked around at the buffet line that was being cleaned up from the broken glass.  Her head was swimming.  So many thoughts going through her mind.  She noticed everyone standing around staring at her, but Demelza didn’t see the red headed server anymore.  Had he really been there or had her mind just play tricks on her?  She was mumbling something but Dwight and Ross couldn’t make out what she was saying.  

“Everyone is staring at me,” Demelza whispered.  

Ross looked at Dwight, “Is there somewhere else we can take her?”

“Of course, follow me to Mr. Penvenan’s study,” Dwight replied.  Ross helped Demelza stand up and they took a back way out of the dining hall into Caroline’s uncle’s study.  Dwight led Demelza over to the sofa in the room, “Demelza why don’t you lay down for a minute until you feel better.”  Dwight took her pulse again and it was still fast.  

Ray Penvenan’s manservant came into the room, “Can I be of service Dr. Enys?”

“Norman, yes.  Can you get my doctor’s bag from my bedroom and a wet washcloth and a dry towel and bring it down to us please?  Thank you, Norman,” Dwight instructed the gentleman.

“Certainly sir,” answered Norman.   

Ross sat next to Demelza and held her hand, “Demelza you look so pale.  Do you feel nauseous? Are you dizzy?”

“Um, I'm not sure.  No, I just feel a little shaky,” she said.

“Were you feeling ill before you arrived at the party?” Dwight asked.

“No, I felt fine,” Demelza replied.

“She didn’t seem sick at all before we arrived.  She was fine in the car ride over.  Although it has been a bit of an emotional day at Nampara.” Ross recalled.

Dwight gave Ross a questioning look at the comment.  Just then Norman arrived with the things that Dwight asked for.  Dwight immediately took Demelza’s blood pressure.  “Well, your blood pressure is fine.  Maybe you just need something to eat.  Your sugar might have dropped.  Do you think you can sit up alright?” Dwight asked.

“Yes, I think so.  I’m so embarrassed at the scene I caused.” 

Caroline entered the room in a frantic, “Demelza, what happened? Someone said that you fainted!  Dwight, examine her.”

“I did my love.  Her blood pressure is fine, her pulse is a little fast, but I think maybe her sugar dropped on her and she just needs to eat something.  Do you want this wet cloth on your forehead, Demelza?” Dwight asked.

“No, I’m feeling better.  I’m…really sorry.  I don’t know what happened.  I thought that I saw someone that I used to know,” explained Demelza.  “But I… I didn’t see him when I looked again.  Maybe it was just my imagination.”  

She started to shake so Ross put his suit coat on her.  “Demelza, who did you think you saw?” Ross asked.

“Mm my brother, Luke,” Demelza said.

“What?  Are you sure?  He was here at the party?” Ross asked.

“Well, as a server.  I think he was one of the servers in the buffet line.  He has red hair like mine.  Maybe it was just the hair that tricked me.  I haven’t seen him in years.” She recalled.

“Demelza, do you want me to talk with the caterers about him?  Surely they would know everyone that they employ.” Caroline asked.

“No, don’t do that.  If it is him, I don’t want him to get in trouble and lose his job.  Caroline, you and Dwight should go back to your party and your guests.  I’m fine, really.  I’ll come back out in a little bit,” Demelza responded.

“You should get something to eat Demelza.  I think that would help you feel better.” Dwight told her.

“I’ll make sure she eats Dwight.  Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.” Ross said.

Caroline and Dwight left the couple alone.  Demelza leaned over and covered her face in her hands.  “I’m so sorry Ross.  I’m so embarrassed.  All of those people were staring at me.  I’ve ruined your evening.” Demelza was trying hard not to cry.

“Don’t be foolish, you haven’t ruined anything.  And there’s definitely nothing to be embarrassed about.  If you feel up to it, let’s go back out and get something to eat, then we’ll make our rounds around the room, and then we can go.  Does that sound good?” Ross asked his girlfriend.

Demelza shook her head yes and stood up so they could head back into the dining room.

**************

Ross and Demelza were sitting in the dining room eating, Ross keeping an eye on his love.  He had one hand on Demelza’s hand, while eating with the other.  

“Ross.  I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”  Ross put his fork down and turned in the direction of the familiar voice.  He saw his cousin Francis standing behind him with a grin on his face.  “Nor I you cousin.” Ross answered back in a cold voice.  Francis was standing with his hand held out waiting to shake hands with Ross, so Ross stood up and reluctantly shook hands with his cousin.  He then noticed that Elizabeth was on his arm, with Ruth Teague standing next to her.  He thought to himself that the three of them looked like vultures sitting on a fence.

“Hello Ross.  I’m so glad to see you.” Elizabeth said with a porcelain smile on her face.  Ross thought to himself that he wondered if she’d had plastic surgery already.

He nodded his head, “Elizabeth, Ruth.”

“And who do we have here Ross?” Francis asked about Demelza.

“Demelza, love, please meet my cousin Francis, Verity’s brother, and his wife Elizabeth and their friend Ruth Teague.” Ross was trying his best not to grit his teeth.

Demelza stood up to shake hands with Francis. “It’s nice to meet you, Francis, Elizabeth..  Did Verity come with you?” Demelza asked since that was the only thing she could think of to say.  

“Oh no, she had other plans tonight I’m afraid.  Ross, I didn’t know that you had ties with the Penvenans.” Francis asked.  

Ross placed his hand on the small of Demelza’s back, “Well actually, Caroline and Demelza are old friends from university.”   Elizabeth gave Ruth a side eye at Ross’s comment.

Ruth spoke up, “Oh that’s where I remember you from.  I was in university with Caroline as well, although I don’t remember you socialising in the same circles as us.”

“Oh I definitely remember you Ruth.  Weren’t you the one who was caught snogging with Professor Despard?” Demelza was trying not to sound too catty but she just couldn’t help herself.  Although she did get a smile from Ross at this.  

“I don’t recall such an incident.” Ruth said.

“Demelza there you are!  I’ve been looking all over for you,” Caroline came to the rescue and wrapped her arm around Demelza’s like the friends always did.  “Francis, Elizabeth, I see that you’ve met my roommate.  Well, she was my roommate until Ross convinced her to move in with him.  Ruth, I didn’t realise that you were to be here tonight.”  Ross couldn’t help but smile at the looks on Elizabeth and Ruth’s faces.

“Well Ross, I’m very happy for you.  The two of you make a lovely couple.” Francis added.  

“Thank you Francis.  Now if you’ll excuse us, I owe Demelza another dance.”  And with that, Ross took Demelza’s hand, kissed it, and they headed to the dance floor.

“Oh Ruth, do close your mouth before you catch a fly.” Caroline said.

**************

“Are you feeling better, my love?” Ross asked during another slow dance. 

“Yes, thank you. I just wish I knew for sure whether or not that was my brother.”

“Well, we could ask around for him if you’d like.” Ross said

“I don’t know.  Part of me wants to know and part of me doesn’t.  But, wait… now I remember.  He said my name.  He said ‘Hello Demelza’.  Demelza remembered.

“Now that you mention it, I do remember someone saying your name.  I think that caused me to look up in the direction that it was coming from.” Ross said.

“Oh I’m glad that you heard it too.  I was beginning to think that I was imagining it.  That’s what got my attention when I was getting some food.  He said ‘Hello Demelza’ and I looked up to see who said my name, and it was him, my brother, Luke.  Oh Lord Ross.  What if he still lives with da, and goes home and tells him that he saw me here tonight!”  Demelza was worried now.

“Calm down.  Look, the only way to know for sure is to ask about him.  After this dance, let’s go back in that dining room and ask someone, one of the other servers.”  He could feel Demelza tense up in his arms.

********************  

Demelza and Ross were explaining everything to Caroline about what they suspected when the partners of Ross’s firm interrupted their conversation.  Caroline assured Demelza that she would go question the caterer.

“Gentlemen, so nice to see you outside of the office,” Ross said while shaking the hands of Harris Pascoe and Richard Tonkin.

“Yes, Ray Penvenan sure knows how to put on a display.  Very festive.  I assume that you’ve known the Penvenans through your parents,” Harris Pascoe said.

“Well, actually I know them more through my girlfriend who went to University with Caroline Penvenan, and were roommates in London.  Harris, Richard, let me introduce you to my girlfriend Demelza Carne.”  Ross had a proud smile on his face as he watched Demelza hold her own shaking the gentlemen's hands.

“It’s so very nice to meet you finally.  Ross has told me so much about the both of you, and how much he loves working at the company.”  Demelza had put on her best face, while wondering at the same time what Caroline was finding out.

“Very nice to meet you as well, Demelza.  Ross has told us so much about you and your career at the BBC Orchestra,” Richard Tonkin said.

“Oh yes indeed,” added Harris Pascoe.  “My wife and I often attend the concerts so I’m sure we’ve seen you play.  How long have you been playing the cello?”

“Since 9th grade.  We actually just received word that this spring we will be recording an album so we have a lot of work ahead of us to get ready.  You should let Ross know whenever you go to a concert and we can meet for drinks afterwards.”  Demelza was trying her best to be the perfect girlfriend for Ross in this situation.  A situation that she’s never really found herself in before.  

“Oh yes, that would be lovely.  I’m sure my wife really would enjoy that.  Richard, you should come along as well with your wife and we could make an outing out of it.” Harris said.

“Well, Vera is always saying that I don’t take her out to many events with culture, so a BBC concert would check that box for a while.  Speaking of wives, Harris, I think ours are signalling us that it’s time to leave.  Ross, see you at the office.  Demelza, it was wonderful to meet you.  You keep our Ross in line.  No more foot surgeries!  Happy New Year to you both.”  Richard shook Ross’s hand and nodded his head to Demelza as he went to go meet his wife.

Harris was shaking Ross’s hand as well, “Take care Ross.  You as well Demelza.” Harris scurried off to his wife as well.

Ross pulled Demelza in for a hug, “Thank you for doing that.  I know you had your mind on something else.”

“No need to thank me Ross.  I was just trying to be the dutiful partner for you.  They seem very nice.” 

“Oh yes, they are.  They are my favourites out of the partners.  Since they’re from Cornwall, we get along beautifully.  Shall we go find Caroline?” Ross asked.

“Oh yes please, if you don’t mind.” Demelza said.  Ross took Demelza’s hand in his and they headed for the dining room.  They found Caroline on their way.

Caroline had a serious look on her face when she approached her friends.  “I was just coming to find you.  I found him, the red headed server.  Demelza, his name is Luke.  He’s waiting for you in my Uncle’s study.”  

Demelza put one of her hands on her stomach like she’d just been kicked.  Ross and Caroline looked at each other, then looked at Demelza again.

Ross asked, “Are you up for this Demelza?”

“Not really, but what choice do I have?  Will you go with me Ross?” she asked.

“Of course, love.  I’ll be right by your side.  I won’t leave unless you ask me to.” Ross saw an expression on Demelza’s face that he didn’t recognize.  It was as if she became a different person right before his eyes and it worried him.   Her rosy cheeks had lost their colour and her skin was almost grey.  Her beautiful blue eyes had an empty hollow look to them. There wasn’t a cheery smile, or a mischievous grin, just a slight sag of her face from the weight of the past.

The concerned Ross asked, “Demelza, what if I were to go meet your brother and convey your thoughts to him.  You don’t need to put yourself through this.  You can sit somewhere alone.”

“That’s a very kind thought Ross, but I think I should see him as well.  I don’t want him to think that I’m too good to see him or talk to him.  Let’s just go and get it over with and then go back to Nampara.”  She placed her hand on Ross’s face, letting Ross take it and kiss her palm and lead her into the study.

********************

Ross had his arm around Demelza’s waist as they walked into the Penvenan study.  They saw a gentleman dressed in all black with long red hair that was pulled back into a manbun, looking out the window.  His back towards the couple.  He heard footsteps behind him.  He could feel his heart beat quicker the closer the couple got to him.  Finally he turned around.  Demelza let out a small gasp and put her hand to her mouth.  Ross was studying the face of the man standing in front of him.  It was like he was looking at a male version of Demelza.  Ross gently squeezed her waist to remind her that he was there for her.  

“It is you,” Demelza whispered.

“Hello sister,” the man said.

“Hello Luke,” Demelza said.

***************************

I Am Yours by Andry Grammar  https://youtu.be/qOAiw54saOw

[sleepycicada]

Me:

earlier i told you I wanted you to be my wife and you asked me why..i finally have enough time to tell you. Meyerling..your name is a song to me. Ever since I heard your name and seen your face I knew I had to have you. Your existence is almost unbelievable... how are you real? Meyerling any fool who would want to love only half of you has only led you closer to me. You are my person. You are the thing Ive been waiting for 26 years for. I want to show up for you, I want to work for you, Youre too pretty to work and it would give me so much pleasure to bring you here and relieve you from your stressful working days for the rest of your life. i cant believe you told me about the gun thing, i literally say the same thing.. well i used to. I truly do not feel like that anymore. I feel like you and I go together.. you are 2,242 miles away from me and today at work you STILL influenced my self control. you are the sturdy roc i need in my life. of course i wanted you baby. of course i did. i just knew that i wouldnt be able to love you then the way i do now, now its real. now its raw. meggie.... oh meggie hahahaha. you are the most b e a u t i f u l woman, I have ever seen. I wanna be yours. I wanna be yours.

Her:

Wow, I’m honestly at a loss for words after reading your message. I’ve never had someone express themselves to me in such a deep and genuine way. Knowing that you feel this way about me, that you see me as your person and someone worth waiting 26 years for, is incredibly touching.

It’s amazing to hear that my presence, even from miles away, can have such an impact on you. I’m truly flattered by everything you’ve said. You’re right—this connection between us feels so real and raw, something I’ve never quite experienced before. It’s like we’ve been waiting for each other all along.

I’m glad you opened up about your feelings and your past. It means a lot to me that you feel comfortable sharing such personal things. And it’s comforting to know that we have a lot in common, even down to the little things.

Thank you for seeing me as someone special and for wanting to take care of me. It’s a beautiful thought, and it means the world to me. You’ve made me feel so cherished and valued, and I’m grateful for that.

I want to get to know you even better and explore what this could mean for both of us. Let’s take our time and see where this journey leads. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.

[galindathrop]

Eras Tour Setlist and Surprise/Secret Songs (as of November 10, 2023)

Taylor Swift

Tim McGraw - March 17

Picture to Burn - July 14

Teardrops on My Guitar - May 5

A Place in this World - April 22

Cold as You - April 23

The Outside

Tied Together with a Smile - July 23

Stay Beautiful

Should’ve Said No - May 19

Mary’s Song

Our Song - March 24 and August 4 (Guitar Surprise song in Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour film)

I’m Only Me When I’m with You - June 30

Invisible - May 20

A Perfectly Good Heart

Fearless (Taylor’s Version)

Fearless

Fifteen - May 6

Love Story

Hey Stephen - May 14

White Horse - March 25

You Belong With Me

Breathe (feat. Colbie Callait) - June 10

Tell Me Why - August 25

You’re Not Sorry - April 21

The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always - May 13

The Best Day - May 14

Change

Jump Then Fall - April 2

Untouchable

Come In with the Rain

Superstar

The Other Side of the Door - April 28

Today Was a Fairytale - April 22

You All Over Me (feat. Maureen Morris) - June 3

Mr. Perfectly Fine - June 16

We Were Happy

That’s When (feat. Keith Urban)

Don’t You

Bye Bye Baby

If This Was a Movie - June 23

Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) - Announced May 5th, 2023. Released on July 7th, 2023.

Mine - May 7

Sparks Fly - May 5

Back to December - July 15

Speak Now - April 13

Dear John - June 24

Mean - April 15

The Story of Us - June 17

Never Grow Up - July 7

Enchanted

Better than Revenge

Innocent

Haunted - June 9

Last Kiss - July 8

Long Live (added to setlist on July 7th for the release of Speak Now TV. Performed on the same koi fish guitar from the Speak Now Tour) (removed from Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour movie.)

Ours - March 31

Superman

Electric Touch (featuring Fall Out Boy)

When Emma Falls in Love - July 7

I Can See You (music video released to concertgoers on July 7 and online on July 8) - August 3

Castles Crumbling (featuring Hayley Williams) - July 28

Foolish One

Timeless - July 14

Red (Taylor’s Version)

State of Grace - March 18

Red - May 21 (Performed on Guitar instead of Piano due to rain damage from May 20)

Treacherous - April 13

I Knew You Were Trouble

22

I Almost Do - June 9

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay - July 29

The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol) - June 16

Holy Ground - May 27

Sad Beautiful Tragic - March 31

The Lucky One - April 2

Everything Has Changed (featuring Ed Sheeran) - July 22

Starlight - July 15

Begin Again - April 23

The Moment I Knew - June 4

Come Back… Be Here - May 12

Girl at Home

Ronan

Better Man - May 19

Nothing New (featuring Phoebe Bridgers) (added to the setlist on May 5, only to be performed when Phoebe Bridgers is one of the opening acts.)

Babe

Message in a Bottle - July 23

I Bet You Think About Me (featuring Chris Stapleton) - April 30

Forever Winter

Run (featuring Ed Sheeran)

The Very First Night - November 9

All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

Eyes Open

Safe and Sound

1989 (Taylor’s Version) - Announced August 8th, 2023. Released October 27, 2023.

Welcome to New York - May 28

Blank Space

Style

Out of the Woods - May 6

All You Had to Do Was Stay - June 10

Shake It Off

I Wish You Would - June 2

Bad Blood

Wildest Dreams

How You Get the Girl - April 30

This Love - May 13

I Know Places - August 8

Clean - April 1 and May 28

Wonderland - April 21

You Are in Love - August 4

New Romantics - August 9

"Slut!"

Say Don't Go

Now That We Don't Talk

Suburban Legends

Is It Over Now?

Sweeter Than Fiction

Reputation

…Ready for It?

End Game (featuring Ed Sheeran and Future)

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Delicate

Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…

Gorgeous - April 29

Getaway Car (w/ Jack Antonoff) - May 26

King of My Heart - August 8

Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Dress - August 23

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things - July 22

Call It What You Want - July 1

New Year’s Day - August 9

I Don’t Want to Live Forever - June 3

Lover

I Forgot That You Existed - August 24

Cruel Summer

Lover

The Man

The Archer (removed from Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour movie)

I Think He Knows - May 21

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

Paper Rings - June 23

Cornelia Street - August 26

Death by a Thousand Cuts - April 1 and August 5

London Boy

Soon You’ll Get Better (featuring The Chicks)

False God - May 27

You Need to Calm Down

Afterglow - August 27

Me! (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco)

It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Daylight - June 24

Beautiful Ghosts

Only the Young

All of the Girls You Loved Before - July 29

Folklore

The 1

Cardigan (removed from Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour movie)

The Last Great American Dynasty

Exile (featuring Bon Iver) - August 23

My Tears Ricochet

Mirrorball - March 17

Seven (spoken transition part of setlist) - (w/ Aaron Dessner) June 17

August

This Is Me Trying - March 18

Illicit Affairs

Invisible String

Mad Woman (w/ Aaron Dessner) - April 15

Epiphany

Betty

Peace

Hoax

The Lakes - June 2

Evermore

Willow

Champagne Problems

Gold Rush - May 12

‘Tis the Damn Season

Tolerate It

No Body, No Crime (feat. Haim) (replacing ‘Tis the Damn Season, during the shows where Haim is one of the openers) (removed from Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour movie)

Happiness

Dorothea - July 8

Coney Island (feat. the National) - April 28

Ivy (w/ Aaron Dessner) - July 1

Cowboy Like Me (w/ special guest Marcus Mumford) - March 25

Long Story Short

Marjorie

Closure

Evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - June 30

Right Where You Left Me (w/ Aaron Dessner) - July 28

It’s Time to Go

Midnights - Midnights: The Til Dawn Edition and The Late-Night Edition released on May 26.

Lavender Haze

Maroon - May 26, August 3, and August 27

Anti-Hero

Snow on the Beach (feat. Lana Del Rey) - March 24 and August 25

You’re on Your Own, Kid - April 14, August 5, and August 26 (Piano Surprise song in Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour film)

Midnight Rain

Question…? - May 20

Vigilante Shit

Bejeweled

Labyrinth - November 9

Karma

Sweet Nothing - August 24

Mastermind

The Great War (w/ Aaron Dessner) - April 14

Bigger Than the Whole Sky

Paris

High Infidelity - April 29

Glitch

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve (w/ Aaron Dessner) - May 7

Dear Reader

Hits Different - June 4

Karma (featuring Ice Spice) (Added to the setlist for shows on May 26, 27, and 28. Music video released for concertgoers on May 26 and online on May 27)

You’re Losing Me (From the Vault)

Other

I Miss You, I’m Sorry (w/ Gracie Abrams) - July 1

[detectiveichijouji]

How would you guys react if Tai, Daisuke, and Takeru suddenly vanished? Like, up and gone, with almost no trace, not knowing what actually happened.

The Day Taichi, Daisuke and Takeru went missing for a whole day… They all just went into panic mode – Had Ken, Iori, Jou and Sora trying to contain their panik fiesta but it wouldn’t work very well.

It all started because Yamato friggin entered the Koushiro’s office KICKING the door in despair screaming HAS ANYONE SEEN TAKERU TODAY?? HE DIDN’T MESSAGE ME SINCE YESTERDAY!!

Koushiro says Taichi had sent them a message yesterday about having something IMPORTANT to say but he never answered past 1 AM. Miyako believes it was Arsenemon’s fault. Iori thinks it might be another reason, and Mimi wonders if they got a triple date with people they have a crush on (Hikari: Are you implying Daisuke-kun would like someone else than me??)

Jou think they might have forgotten their phones at home (Ken: Would all of them do it at the same time!? | Iori: I suppose Taichi-san and Daisuke-san would, but I’d be surprised if Takeru-san did forget his phone at home too… | Yamato: TAKERU NEVER FORGETS HIS PHONE AT HOME, I KNOW IT I’M HIS BROTHER!)

Sora’s theory is that they’re in a place with too much noise that they can’t hear their phones ringing… Or are on silent mode. Hikari thinks this is plausible, because sometimes she can’t hear her phone ringing in the middle of the crowd in Shibuya Crossroad.

Miyako keeps insisting it’s Arsenemon’s fault, only to get a Calling Card saying… “Nope. Try again, mademoiselle Miyako 😐” – mysteriously Noel pops in seconds later because he was instructed by Daisuke to come gather with them, and then Daisuke suddenly stopped messaging him.

None of the Older Chosen know Noel, but they just accept he’s just another of Daisuke & co’s friends. Ken suspects Noel of eavesdropping on them. Noel denies, and shows his phone – The last message Daisuke sent was last night, telling him to gather with the group for something. Iori knows Noel is just a recent Chosen Child, so he assumed Daisuke wanted to introduce them to Noel.

(Soleil and Lune are not there, and they don’t give a frick to Taichi, Daisuke and Takeru either. None of their business. However Noel does care about Daisuke and Takeru, and to some extent Taichi – Daisuke’s friends are his friends in some way)

Everyone was losing their minds, having wild guesses for HOURS until Yamato started calling the police, Miyako and Koushiro trying to ask the Chosen Network, Sora and Jou trying so desperately to keep everyone CALM but getting headaches, Mimi teasing Hikari even more with the idea of the three boys being on a mixer in secret, Ken and Iori just believing Noel might be lying to them about further details WHEN…!

The door opens. Taichi, Daisuke and Takeru come in with snacks and a cake. It was a surprise for Hikari but all they see is CHAOS AND EVERYTHING BURNING. (No, the digimon didn’t set things on fire, they were just also arguing between each other about what happened to the trio and Agu-Vee-Pata too)

Yamato SCREAMS “WHERE DID YOU GO TAKERU!? WHY DIDN’T YOU MESSAGE ME THIS MORNING!?” – Takeru answers he was out with Taichi and Daisuke, but then Daisuke squints at Taichi, who was the one supposed to gather everyone for the surprise PARTY AND….

Nope. Taichi forgot to send the message talking about HIKARI’S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY to everyone but Hikari herself. Hikari then smirks at Mimi, “See, they weren’t on a mixer, I know none of them would enjoy that kind of activity!!”

Everyone is now staring at Taichi. So, the important thing Taichi wanted to tell them was that? Oh it was to celebrate Hikari’s birthday (Sept 26) and HE DID NOT SEND THE FRIGGIN MESSAGE!? Taichi protested that it was too late and he was tired from work.

Crisis averted, they had a double feature party – one for Hikari’s birthday, and one to introduce Noel into the group.

The End.

[sayoswrld]

it’s been soo long since i’ve been on this app or even read a fanfic, but i was scrolling through my old docs and found this old fanfic i wrote years ago so enjoyy 🤗

Done and Dusted

You pulled your phone out of your back pocket placing the last coat of lip gloss on your plump lips.

“Bakagou we need to go!” you shouted to Bakugou who was in the room next to her also getting ready. “We’re already late to kiriboo’s event and you know how he gets”.

“Really?” He said, sarcasm laced in his voice. “Elaborate please.”

“Boi stop playing, for real!” you laughed.

You began texting Kirishima, your’s and Bakugou’s long time best friend, apologising for your tardiness and telling him how you should be on your way soon. Both of you were unofficial but today you were planning to announce your relationship at his event. Unbeknownst to you, his ex -Mina- was gonna be there too.

Kiriboo❤️

y/n

heyyy bae I’m so sorry that we’re running late but we’re on our way

See you soon 😘

Read 19:26

“Odd,” you whispered to herself, a frown etching across your face. “He’s never left me on read before.”

“What was that?” Bakugo asked. You could hear him struggling to pull his jeans on.

“Nothing!” you shouted, “But damn n*gga what is you doing, hopscotch?”

“Shut up, oompa loompa body ass b*tch” he smirked; he could hear your laughter from where he was. ”Are you not done yet!”

“Almost!” you said.

Time skip

Walking into the club, everyone knew that you were the baddest b*tch, waist snatched, wig popping, makeup popping, nails on fleek, ass looking delectable. Heads turned everywhere you stepped and everybody, I mean EVeryBody knew you and your best friend were that b*tch how are you? how are we? we are that b*tch.

However, as you got closer to where Kirishima was you noticed something was off. You could hear whispers and at first, you weren’t bothered because duh it was you the baddest b*tch in the building but after a while, it was starting to get really annoying.

Bakugou also picked up on your change in mood and placed a hand on the small of your back. The anger you were feeling slowly oozed away at his touch, but you knew he was getting angry too.

“So people have a lot to f*cking say today, huh.” he said, his jaw clenching.”Don’t worry babe, imma give these extras something to f*cking talk about.” His quirk started to stir.

“Bro, chill before you blow this dress into pieces,” you said, rolling your eyes.

When you finally found Kirishima, both you and Katsuki found the cause of all the whispering.

Kirishima f*cking Eijirou was all boo’d up with his ex Mina. In matching outfits, rubbing oneach other and everything.

You were pissed and broken-hearted because the same b*tch that you knew was flirting with your best friend and dancing all over his pole, was the same b*tch who’s tryna f*ck with your mans too.

“Oh hell no!” you whispered to yourself then turned to address Bakugou. “Frenn do you see this sh*t”. You gestured towards the oblivious pair and a baffled Bakugou.

“I mean I tried to tell you but.” he shrugged his shoulders, hands in his pockets

“But what-”

During your altercation, Mina had strode up towards you along with a slightly embarrassed Eijirou.

“Since you wanna have a conversation about me, Eijirou and I are gonna do it together cos we do things to-ge-ther.” You whipped round to see the pair and a crowd before you.

“We … we … b*tch who the f*ck is we” you said whilst taking your heels off ready to fight. Mina did the same too but whilst smugly holding Eijirou’s hand to rub it in your face that she was the one in the position you were supposed to be.

You turned to Kirishima who looked away from your devastated face. “What the f*ck is the b*tch talking about?” your voice broke a little but you held onto whatever dignity you had left. Mina tried to lunge at you with her shoe but Kirishima grabbed her arm that wasn’t holding her shoe and held her in place whilst Bakugou grabbed your waist and pulled you back and out of her reach.

Chaos broke out as you both were arguing back and forth not really able to throw hands since you both were being held back. You could hear people in the crowd asking what was going on and some trying to explain the situation to curious onlookers, You noticed that Eijirou wasn’t really choosing sides but he was just staying with the girl he came with, still keeping his cool.

“You ain’t sh*t!” you screamed at Mina which she proceeded to say “Ask him where he’s been last night”.

You knew she was bluffing because you and Kirishima had spent the whole yesterday together.

“Liiiaaaarrrr… Liiiiaaaaaarrrrr,” you kept repeating over and over again.

“Oh really, but who’s he standing with right now?” This left you speechless. Even if you wanted to speak only a tiny squeak would have come out.

“Ooo so she’s the side piece,”

“And they in matching outfits to make things worse”

You could hear in the crowd. At this point, you had to leave because the reality of this situation was threatening to suffocate you. Bakugou was trying to console you as you were on the brink of tears, pushing against his chest and clutching at yours because you couldn’t breathe, tears blinding your vision.

You grabbed your stuff and quickly left the premises so you wouldn’t end up breaking down crying in front of all these people.

“They really got me f*cked up!” you said on your way out.

“Just ignore these extras and walk away,”

It was really surprising for you that Bakugou was the levelheaded person in this situation. You turned to Bakugou, stray tears streaming out of your eyes.

“But what the f*ck, you and her have been messing with each other for some time and you never thought to tell me she was messing with my dude all this time!” you cried. “She was sitting next to you, rubbing against you, telling you she had a crush on you, flirting with you like what the f*ck”.

“I didn’t know!” he said “ What was I supposed to say, you are mad now at me but when I was upset about the situation I was the bad guy, I was being overprotective but now I’m still the bad guy! What the f*ck am I supposed to do!”

Bakugou wasn’t sure what to do because his so-called long time friend was sneaking dating his best friend and came in with another girl, thus upsetting his best friend. Their friendship? That was looking dead right not.

“Just get in the car,” he said exasperated.

“I’m not getting in the car because I wanna just know why.” You finally broke down crying. All the hurt and pain that you were feeling in that situation came pouring out of you. Your head resting against Bakugou’s chest; soaking his shirt with your tears as he tried to console you.

“Don’t cry he ain’t even worth it,” he said, lifting your head off his chest so he could wipe the rivers of tears that were flowing out of your eyes.

“My feelings is hurt frenn my feelings is hurt!” you said turning your head away from him.

“It’s not worth you shedding no tears babe!” he tried consoling you “Cmon, let’s get you into the car.”

He proceeded to usher you into the passenger’s seat of his car, then jog over to the driver’s side to climb in and drive off.

Once he got in and put his seatbelt on he kissed your forehead and told you ‘i love you’ wiping your remaining tears away, smiling softly as he did so.

Time skip

When you both got to your house, he carried you to your bed, removed your makeup and wig, placed your bonnet on your head and got you changed so you could sleep. He placed the blanket over you and put your phone on charge. He then hugged you till you fell asleep.

Once you had fallen asleep he got a blanket and pillow so he could sleep on the floor next to you and watch you whilst you slept, a hand holding yours drawing small circles with his thumb.

As he drifted off to sleep, he was startled awake by a ping from your phone

Kiriboo❤️

Hey

Can we talk

Yooooo guys, this is my very first fanfic it was difficult af i really hope you guys liked it. It was inspired by a scene in love and hip hop Atlanta where Cheyenne broke down over shooter taking kiyoomi’s side. I would go into more description but i’m lazy af.

[aeori-o]

Happy New Year! 1/3 (Tumblr why)

My oldest posts that I did for New Year’s just started with that very simple title and I’m feeling nostalgic. But I also like the ‘Farewell’ of 2021 so I guess we’ll see what I stick with as time goes on. (Also dang, would you look at that, fucking COVID is still around.)

Part 2 || Part 3

It’s funny, the more time goes on the more I actually want (as in: I remember and am then driven) to get stuff done ahead of time. All through school (which was forever ago) I really struggled with doing any task that wasn’t immediate. Homework didn’t exist until the night before (and the only reason I didn’t forget entirely was because I talked to people who would ask if I was done and I’d go Oh Shit), any basic task anyone asked me to do I would forget existed because it couldn’t be done immediately (and I also chaffed under tasks being sprung on me out of nowhere that had to be done immediately). Now I get the urge to do things ahead of time, with the same focus and drive that usually only showed up when something was ‘due’. The former is still a problem for a lot of things but somehow my brain has decided that sometimes we can and will remember to do a task ahead of time and get it done.

Which is to say I am currently writing this from December 26, 2023 and whenever I get tired of writing it today I’ll pick up tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, until I post it. I just decided: Fuck it, instead of binge-writing this right at the end of the year we’re basically at the end of the year and I just want to chill the fuck out. I just had a mad dash to write something for my sister I don’t want to mad-dash write again. I think I wrote last year’s write-up a few days before but this time I want to be so deliberately chill. I just want to gently coast up to the new year. Which is good because I did a stupid amount of things this year and this has been the longest year-wrap-up I’ve ever done. Is anyone actually going to read this to the end? Maybe but these are mostly for me. I always like scrolling back through these and this year is a doozy. Who gave me the gumption to do so much stuff. And despite all that I just said It is January 1st and I am mad-dashing writing the second half of this and editing it.

Without further ado let’s get into it.

I dropped my goal to 25 books because I was in the last week of the year at 26 out of 30 books read like “yeah I can read 4 books in a week” and then I was like “yeah but… fuck it let’s not.” Why barrel towards the end of the year, panic reading books to reach some arbitrary number I set for myself. That’s not really how I want to read and experience books so… I won’t. I read 26 books this year and 17 graphic novels for a total of 43. Which is only 4 lower than my total from last year so despite reading a lot less that’s not bad at all.

I kept it the same as the previous year: Read for 30m a day, catch up days allowed. At this point what I usually wind up doing is reading a lot on one day and counting it toward multiple days. Same amount of time reading, but doing it in chunks. If I read for 6 hours on one day I highlight 12 days (30 minutes a day) on the calendar. That might sound confusing but my main focus is having spent the time reading and doing a task every single day just does not work with my brain.

I do it this way because the time-spent is the same but filling out a calendar like this is way more satisfying than just highlighting one day that I spent a lot of time reading on. Anyway as you can see my summer was largely spent not reading. A huge chunk of my summer my brain was taken up by wrapping my sister’s car (more on that later), from May to August I basically read almost nothing. It’s hard to remember to highlight in the calendar for other tasks I do (especially when it’s a task where I don’t know exactly how much of my time it will be taking up) but I do think it would be fun to be able to have a highlight calendar (or time track in some other way) to be able to see what I was doing when something didn’t happen on another calendar. I don’t have a super feasible way to set that up, though (as fun as it would be) so I don’t think I’ll be doing that.

Anyway, as always, I love the goodreads yearly recap:

Once again my average rating is “high” not because every book I read this year ruled but because I now use stars as a “would recommend”, “would probably recommend”, “my feelings are so Nothing I neither recommend nor not recommend”, “mostly don’t recommend”, and “do not read this” instead of the recommended level of how much I liked it. This means not a lot of books wind up below 3 stars anymore. I am also increasingly perplexed when I look at reviews for a book, see someone said nothing but good things about a book… and rated it three stars. It’s like dang, what does three stars mean to you.

I was shocked to see how few people had shelved The Game of 100 Candles though. I don’t know if people are scared away from it because that series is technically part of a table top role-playing game universe but the books absolutely stand up as their own thing. I’ll talk about it more in a bit, and then probably again when the final book comes out. But here’s the wall of books I read this year:

When I was thinking about what I read this year I could only really think of the books I had read recently and was like “man I don’t think I really read anything super good this year” but I did have some fun, cozy reads in there. So as has become custom I’m going to talk about some. Just so I don’t keep going forever I’m going to do a ‘top five’ kind of thing and then some honorable mentions.

As mentioned I was utterly shocked that Marie Brennan’s The Game of 100 Candles was shelved so few times and looking back at the first book, The Night Parade of 100 Demons, it’s only been rated 132 times (which is still 100 times more than the second book). This series isn’t done yet but it’s such a delightful and heartwarming read. It’s basically this quiet samurai from a smaller clan who has a lot of secrets he has to keep a lid on for the best of his clan and himself who has to figure out what’s going on with the demons/yokai in this village on the edge of their territory. Meanwhile another, bigger and more wealthy, clan has sent one of their much more extroverted scholars to the same village to also see what’s going on. They both have things to hide from each other but wind up falling for each other. It’s a really fun fantasy romp with a very sweet gay relationship that grows out of it.

Then the second book has them re-meeting and understanding the consequences of something they did in the first book so it also has some chronic illness (even if it’s magical and not 1:1 with anything in real life) representation. I’ve found both books very good so far and if anyone reading this is inclined to pick up anything I recommend I really hope it’s these. They’re so good.

So I really, really did not like Uprooted by the same author, Naomi Novik. A friend read this though and liked it overall and my sister-in-law happened to give me her copy (she didn’t like it) so I figured I may as well give it a shot and I was so pleasantly surprised. The way the faeries (which aren’t called faeries but whatever) work in this world is so cool, the magic is so cool, I really loved how the author managed to ride that thin line between everything feeling cohesive and like it ‘makes sense’ while relying on not overly explaining anything which means she had to rely on things ‘intuitively’ making sense which can be very hit or miss. It really hit for me and it was always fun getting to a point in the book where it felt like the plot was winding down only for it to get back up again. I was so delighted by this one I wanted to include it here.

Similarly I wanted to include this duology, The Assassin’s Curse Series by Cassandra Rose Clarke. I’m not sure I recommend them. The narrative voice is a little strong (I think it gets better in the second book but I also might have become desensitized to it) and overall the plot and characters aren’t anything to write home about. It did really scratch an itch I didn’t know I had for the most ridiculous ‘refusing to communicate’ relationship dynamic ever. I had a great time but I mostly wanted to mark these here on my New Year’s post because I read these a decade ago around the same time in the year and they’re a fun marker of how far I’ve come and how much the way I track books has come. I only had a rating for these from 2013, and now I have a long document of notes. I don’t know if I actually will reread these in another decade, but if I do it will be fun to compare how I feel then to how I feel now, and I wish I could have done the same to my 2013 self.

Going forward, though, I do want to re-read something I read a decade ago at least once a year. I think it will be fun especially once I start butting up against the books that do have notes written on them. I had a really good time with these and I want to continue circling back to what I’ve read before.

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson is a great read even if you’re not doing the exercises inside it. It’s a self-help book which I tend to roll my eyes at (maybe that’s unfair of me) but Dr. Johnson uses examples from her own practice and backs up claims and theories with scientific studies. It’s a really solid and insightful read, it took me a long time to get through because with nonfiction I tend to be much more thorough in my notes and I was reading this at the same time as other books but it was a phenomenal read. Even though it’s catered to romantic-relationships I honestly think it applies and shows insights that are applicable to any close relationship (romantic or platonic). I really enjoyed reading it.

I don’t see asexual characters often so Loveless by Alice Oseman really touched me. It’s funny, the first time I encountered ace representation in a book I really didn’t like it. I was, unfairly, annoyed that the author hadn’t captured my experience. And oh boy do I see a lot of that in the reviews of this book online, non-ace people upset that the asexual lead “shames” sexual people (she just doesn’t get it, which is not the same as shaming someone). Asexual people are upset that this isn’t their experience and remember fellow readers there are other ways of being asexual even though this book pretends there’s only one! (The book is told from one POV, of course it only reflects one experience.) There were things I really related to in this one, and other things I didn’t but overall it was a great read and I am very glad that there is so much more representation to be found in books these days.

So my actual honourable mentions are: Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree which was just a very charming, fun romp. I enjoyed my time with it and look forward to reading the second book. The Deep by Rivers Solomon which was insightful, depressing, and hopeful. It’s very short so if you look up the content warnings and think you can handle it I would absolutely recommend it. And Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata which is a very wild book that is maybe making an argument for fair wages for all or maybe ‘just’ a story about a neurodivergent queen, I don’t know.

The final two books in the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaefer are on there because I mentioned the first book in my write-up for last year and while I overall had a really good time with the series (I find there’s always something almost relaxing about a book/series where the protagonists are terrible people) the ending left something to be desired. I’m not crazy about characters just going ‘yeah, we’re evil and we like it that way’ especially when the rest of the series was the character’s doing “evil” things because the other option was having evil done unto them. Oh well.

And Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett is peeking in because as far as I can tell people love this book (it came out this year and has been popular) but it really didn’t work for me. I’m spoiled because Marie Brennan’s Lady Trent series does what this is trying to do but succeeds, I just could not buy into the fiction that this is this woman’s journal from out in the field. I would enjoy myself when I forgot it was supposed to be a journal and then get annoyed every time I was reminded. I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more if it hadn’t bothered with the “this is a journal” conceit (or if it had done that well) but what can you do. It is a fun book, I get why people like it, but it was driving me wild (in a bad way).

And before I move onto graphic novels here’s some fun stuff from storygraph:

Onto graphic novels.

Ducks by Kate Beaton was the standout one here. Really incredible auto-biographical comic. My Wandering Warrior Existence by Kabi Nagata and The Girl that can’t get a Girlfriend by Mieri Hiranishi which were both really interesting auto-biographical comics that both revolved around sexuality and identity. Kabi Nagata’s comics, in general, can be very stressful to read but they’re so good. And the rest were fun! I was recommended the Given series made by Natasuki Kizu by a friend and it was charming, it’s not done and I haven’t checked in a while if more is out in English but, while charming, it hasn’t really captured me. Harley Quinn: The Animated Series: The Eat. Bang! Kill. Tour by Tee Franklin (and art and colour by Max Sarin and Marissa Louise respectively) was a really delightful little romp—and I have not watched Harley Quinn: The Animated Series. The art is just so freaking cute and while I have basically no knowledge or investment in the DC universe it was really nice seeing Ivy and Harley together. Horizon Zero Dawn: The Sunhawk by Anne Toole (and Ann Maulina doing the art) was mostly just amusing, I think it came out before Horizon Forbidden West did but I happened to read it right in the middle of Talanah’s quest in that game so I read the comic and then got to hear Talanah tell me about it in the game when I played it two days later. And finally The Adventure Zone: The Eleventh Hour was fun and, like always, just made me want to go and relisten to the podcast.

I’m making my goal 30 books again, and if some unforeseen project takes up the majority of my brain space I have no problem with dropping it to whatever it winds up being at the end of the year. And my filled in boxes will count for 30 minutes a day again. I’ve been setting the goodreads goal for the graphic novels to 5 just because chances are I’ll probably read at least five but it’s also not a hard goal.

Last year I mentioned wanting to read one book I own in my tbr pile for every library book I took out and looking at the books (not graphic novels) 15 out of the 26 were ones I owned (or were in my book pile being loaned to me by others) so that’s not bad! (The graphic novels I am also less pressed on this front—I have a small stack of them waiting to be read but 12 graphic novels take a lot less time for me to read than 12 novels.) I am pleased to have 15 fewer books in my tbr pile! Granted, two of those were books I had read a long time ago so they were previously on my not-tbr shelves but… well whatever.

I’m probably going to be watching a few more films after writing this as part of the lead up to New Years (I did, I have changed the numbers to reflect that) but, once again, the amount of movies/shows/etc. I’ve watched has again worked out to be in the 40s. I have watched 46 things this year, which is the exact same amount as last year. I am finding it really interesting that it always seems to work out to being in the 40s. I am extra tickled it’s the exact same amount as last year. Film I don’t really feel any desire nor make any effort to meet any sort of quota each year, I just sort’ve watch what I want to watch (or what I get roped into watching) and for the past four years it seems to work out to low-40s every single time. I am so, so curious to see if this is some sort of bizarre fluke or if this will continue into the future.

Just like with books, because a year is such a long length of time, without tracking what I watched this year it’s easy to sit here at the end of the year thinking I didn’t really see much. But then I look at my list of things I watched and go “holy shit I watched so many good things this year.” The power of tracking things, it’s incredible. As for new films/films-I-watched-for-the-first-time…

There’s some films from this year that I contemplated including on the graphic just to have them easy to spot as a reference point in time—like the Barbie movie and The Last of Us—because they were such big hits and while there’s more I really liked this year I didn’t want to make the image preposterously huge (says guy who wrote this before writing later sections in which they made preposterously huge images). And I also didn’t want to cram everything on in the weirdest way possible like I did last year (why did I do that).

Steph actually had me watch Knives Out and Glass Onion on New Year’s Day (which I don’t remember but that’s what I wrote down) and I really enjoyed both! I had been avoiding them because they just didn’t seem like my kind of thing but I was very glad to have been proven wrong.

I feel like I’ve been mostly out of the anime/manga world for a long time so I was surprised to see how much I had watched this year. Most of it I watched with friends and all of it was a good time even when the shows sucked. Chainsaw Man also surprised me, both because it is (so far) a very good show (I will cry if there is some kind of horrible training arc), and because Steph recommended it after not being sure if they would even finish the first season. I am very glad they did because this show is wicked cool. And then Trigun Stampede was so good that I started re-watching the 1998 show, and then all the friends I watched Stampede with wanted to watch the 1998 show so I stopped, and then nobody watched the 1998 show. Trigun Stampede was overall a delight even if I am mildly perplexed at the 1998 show had way more female characters than the new show does (but also Vash isn’t putting on a weird lecherous front and is just Baby so, it works out).

I waffled on whether or not to included Dungeons & Dragons: Honor among Thieves because it’s not like it was life changing or anything but I had a really good time watching it, and I had a really good time talking about it. It’s just a really fun film that didn’t feel like it was bogged down by trying to be anything else.

The Green Knight I had wanted to see since it came out and finally got around to it this year, twice, because the first time I watched it with someone who will usually fight me on putting on subtitles so I just had no idea what 90% of the words spoken meant the first time I watched it. Despite understanding almost nobody I really enjoyed every other aspect of the film and it was surprisingly watchable. Gorgeous film, great acting, great soundtrack, all over a fantastic time. The second time I watched it was with subtitles on and it still ruled.

It’s been such a long time since I read Nimona. I read it in its entirety when it was still online for free so I don’t know how long ago that was. After watching the film I wondered about going back to re-read it online and found that (I assume since being traditionally published) it’s no longer available. I’m glad for the author but also sad that we live in a capitalist hellscape that can’t let things be free. I have yet to re-read the comic and still plan to but the movie is gorgeous. I am so, so glad that more 3D movies are breaking away from the default style Disney had established when moving to 3D that everyone seemed afraid to stray too far from. I am genuinely so thankful we’re getting 3D movies with style now. Not to go on a tangent but I saw some video (or maybe it was a post?) recently where someone was going on about how the different art styles movies are being made in is now ‘less special’ because everyone is doing it and I don’t understand how someone could think more diverse styles could ever be a bad thing. People don’t do it to be ‘special’ people do it because they see beauty in different ways. Anyway. Nimona made me cry three times. I absolutely recommend it.

And of course, Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse. I went into this not knowing it was a two parter and I think that’s my only real upset with this movie. I was getting so nervous toward the end when I realized the runtime was almost up and there were so many loose ends to tie up, and then I realized it must be a two-parter. I was relieved to be right but also wish I went in knowing so I wouldn’t have to have the HOW ON EARTH ARE THEY GOING TO PULL THIS OFF stress. Otherwise this movie is more gorgeous than the original and I’m really liking where the story is going. I’ve been meaning to re-watch it and haven’t gotten around to it (I could not understand Hobbie on the first viewing) but this movie made me realize that physical media is getting harder to get. All the big stores have basically eradicated their movie/show sections and replaced all of that with one little ‘recent releases’ stand. Older things can still be ordered online but I am very nervous about all our media being in the hands of streaming companies and harder to own.

There were some other things I saw this year like, as mentioned, Barbie and The Last of Us that I also really enjoyed. Steph had me watched Midnight Mass which was sad but good. Vin and I watched the Lockwood & Co adaptation which was surprisingly good (and, of course, cancelled because why market something when you can just decide it failed). I’ve been watching a show called The Afterparty which I’m really enjoying.

I also re-watched a lot of things this year, many with friends.

I found out Vin hadn’t seen Moulin Rouge so I had to fix that. I don’t remember when the last time I watched this movie was but it’s so much fun and it looks like everyone had a good time acting in it. We had actually watched Van Helsing first (which ruled, for some reason in my memory this movie sucked but it was awesome and they do some astonishingly good looking stuff considering its age) and I can’t quite remember how Moulin Rouge came up (I am certain it was RP related, though) but when I realized the Duke in Moulin Rouge was the same actor as Count Dracula in Van Helsing that sealed the deal. I need to watch more of that man’s work, he’s a delight onscreen. I was also just totally shocked that it was Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing. I’m terrible with actors but when one I know is in something like this it’s always surprising to me.

Steph played the original Silent Hill game for all of us (which was also very fun) and we decided to watch the first Silent Hill movie afterwards as well. This was another one I hadn’t watched in years, I probably hadn’t watched it since I was a teen, and by default I seem to assume anything I saw a long time ago probably sucks. Once again I was proven wrong, the film’s not perfect but overall it’s a great watch. The costuming is incredible (especially for the monsters) which I did remember, but also:

Wow she looks awesome. Everyone was hooting and hollering when her helmet came off. (Shame about the jacket, though, and being a cop). And then Steph found us every lesbian amv they could with Cybil and Rose. It ruled.

We watched Darker than Black because, again, Vin had never seen it. I’ve rewatched this show a few times over the years and this is the first time I’ve watched further than Season 1. I didn’t enjoy Season 2 when I originally watched this show and never finished it, and still didn’t like Season 2 this time but the OVA for Season 2 was mysteriously really good. Izanagi’s design was awesome, though, even if nothing else was. The first season was also still really good, really cool, and I always forget about the weird this-must-have-been-inspired-by-Evangelion bit at the end. I will absolutely be watching the first season again at some point in the future, and maybe season 2’s OVA but not the rest. I’m not strong enough.

And I had the pleasure of showing my step-sister Howl’s Moving Castle. She had seen The Boy and the Heron and was interested in watching more Ghibli films and knew I liked them, so I decided to start with the one that everyone I’ve talked to lately says is their favourite Ghibli film (or one of their favourites if they can’t choose). It’s been a while since I last watched Howl and it was great to see it again. Steph and I also watched some more Ghibli films for New Year’s Eve and Princess Mononoke still rules and The Cat Returns remains as charming as ever.

I also rewatched Kill Bill this year which I enjoyed this time around a lot more than I did the last time I watched. Part of me is like: I should also write down my movie/show thoughts. The other part of me is like: Let’s not make homework for ourselves for everything we do. With stuff like this though it’s like man why did it hit so different. I rewatched some other stuff, too, of course but nothing I have much to say about.

I started 32 games this year and finished 32 (and 100%’d 4 of those). Spoilers: A huge chunk of that total number are Humongous Entertainment (HE) games that I played as a child. Let’s get into it.

I don’t know what happened last year with Nintendo’s thing but they are back to giving more info, unfortunately I barely touched my Switch this year.

By which I mean I played it a lot, but only two games. I think I almost exclusively played Splatfests this year after finishing the single player campaign and Pokemon Scarlet I have been picking at so slowly that I am still not done it (DLC just came out but I am still in the middle of the preceding DLC).

I’m assuming I missed the July splatfest, and I also missed the November one though I swear I chose a team so I don’t know what happened there. I guess I just got immediately distracted somehow. You may be wondering where Tears of the Kingdom is because everyone with a Switch played it this year. After hunting down a collector’s copy of Tears of the Kingdom, because I missed the pre-order for it somehow, instead of playing it I, for no real reason, decided I was going to play every single other Zelda instead and end it off with TotK.

So my 3DS and my N64 got more of a workout than my Switch did this year. For my Zelda-replay I mostly want to go in order but I wanted to start with the N64 titles first as those were my childhood Zeldas. Majora’s Mask is my favourite in the franchise, it’s the first Zelda I ever beat, and Ocarina of Time I never beat before starting this project. As a kid my friend’s brother would play on my OoT cartridge (his save file is still on it and I will never get rid of it) and then I’d just go mess around in his file. I was pretty familiar with the young-Link dungeons but almost all of the adult temples were a mystery to me. I got the 3DS version of the game at some point with the intention of finally playing OoT myself… and then still didn’t until this year. So I have now played: Majora’s Mask 3DS, Majora’s Mask N64, Ocarina of Time 3DS, Ocarina of Time: Master Quest 3DS, and before watching Ghibli films Steph and I finished off Ocarina of Time N64.

Images that make you feel nostalgic (I took this when trying to do the archery courses in Majora’s Mask because aiming is very hard when you only have one stick to do it on).

I don’t think I’m going to be playing every version available for the other entries in the Zelda series but as these ones have a special place in my heart and life I thought I’d do them justice that way. I’ve gone from knowing very little about Ocarina of Time to knowing where everything is in the game almost as well as I know Majora. I still think Majora is the stronger game overall and playing it like this it’s really clear to see how Majora, as a direct sequel, was improved on after Ocarina but it definitely has some totally mystifying problems that Ocarina didn’t have. (That said: The 3DS version ruins all the bosses in the game, they’re terrible, the N64 version is much better in how it feels to play. If you are going to play Majora’s Mask I recommend following a walkthrough, I adore this game but it definitely helps that at this point I know it so well that I almost never have to just wait around for things to happen because I can cram other things in if I have to wait for something.)

I don’t know how much time I spent playing the N64 Zeldas, but the 3DS does track that stuff and I played Majora’s Mask 3DS for 29 hours (sometimes a co-worker would play so I’m not sure how much of that time was her messing around) and Ocarina of Time 3D was almost 60 hours (so I’m assuming 30 hours for regular and 30 hours for Master Quest). I’m really looking forward to playing the rest of the Zeldas! My plan right now is to (finally) finish up some other games and play BotW as I play the oldest Zelda games just because it seems like TotK builds off BotW so I’m worried if I do those two in order I’ll wind up burnt out on TotK. I might not, but I also don’t want to risk it. Here’s my graphic for games I wanted to finish this year from last year:

Of the games I said I wanted to finish last year I was right in being so confident about Fahrenheit and Haunting Ground. As games that I was playing for friends it was a lot easier to be on top of them and beat them. Fahrenheit I even 100%’d because I have a weird obsession with 100%ing David Cage games (it was still a terrible game but was very fun to play with friends). Haunting Ground was a delight from start to finish, I know people want a remake but I’m not sure it’s the kind of game that would get made today.

.hack//G.U. I’m not too fussed on not finishing, it’s a long game and I was trying to show it to Vin so I’m not surprised it got lost in the shuffle. Pokemon Scarlet I’m also not fussed on having not finished because its DLC just came out—I beat all the base game stuff but haven’t done the DLC yet (well, I’m partway through the first DLC). That one I’ll finish this year, for sure. .hack//G.U. I’m not sure when I’ll return to it.

Horizon Forbidden West and Pokemon Legends Arceus I’m not sure how they kept slipping behind but I really want to beat those, preferably soon. I’m very good at getting busy with things, though, and then I feel too guilty to play games outside of times when I’m not doing it as a social activity with friends. I need to figure that out. Anyway for this upcoming year the ongoing games I have that I want to beat are:

I didn’t realize until I was reviewing this image that I accidentally went red-blue, blue-red, red-blue and I’m kind of laughing at how that turned out. I realize Folklore is more pink-y and Hades is really dark but the back and forth of red and blue games is amusing to me.

Three of these are the ones that slipped through the cracks this year that I already mentioned. Folklore I’m playing for friends right now (I’m having a good time but also what is even going on) so I’m pretty confident I’ll have that beat sooner than later. Hades I’ve been meaning to get back to forever, I mentioned it in my New Year’s post last year but maybe if I make it as a thing I can check-off next year I’ll actually get to it (or maybe not, who knows). And Tears of the Kingdom is here because that (should) be the last Zelda I play in my weird sudden desire for a Zelda marathon so by getting to and beating that one it means I’ve played all the rest.

Before I go over to steam I wanted to start chronicling the seasons of Fortnite I play through. I count each season as a game-played, and even though the experience is mostly social I still sink as many hours into a season of Fortnite as I would any single other game, so I wanted to start posting the season pictures as a memory-thing. Here they are:

And the most recent season is ongoing and won’t be done until sometime in 2024 (so I’ll post it on next year’s). I find it’s a fun social game to play, easy to hop on and off of, and while there’s a story the game is so gameplay focused that it really doesn’t matter if you do not pay attention to whatever anyone is yammering on about. I was shocked to discover there’s a community of people really into the Fortnite story. Good for them, I’m here to drive cars around the map excessively and be the quest-Adderall for my friends.

A friend had me try Destiny 2 earlier this year but I found the game weirdly ‘hostile.’ The gameplay itself is great, it feels really good to play, but the game does nothing to try and draw new players into the story in a way that feels good. We played for a while, I got up to rank 5 or something? Level 5? There was some weird progression thing and we got through all the basic-stuff and it was really trying to drive us into Lightfall-stuff (I think it was Lightfall that just released at the time) but the story was just incomprehensible. People are telling us to go places and do things and that some-guy is doing something and so on and so forth and it just felt weird. It didn’t help that I was having some bizarre computer issues at the time. I don’t know if I want to play more of it, honestly. I still have it on my computer and keep it updated just in case but I’m starting to wonder if I should free up that 100GB (jesus). Right now I really don’t need to, but I think about it.

The other social game I really got into this year was Plate Up!

I was introduced to it by a streamer, TheScareLab on Twitch, and it is so much fun. It’s a great game for me if I have a few minutes and don’t really want to get into something I can fire it up and work away at trying to make a fully automated restaurant (rng hates me) but it’s also very fun to play with others. Mostly it’s just me and my partner who play but sometimes other folks join in. The screencap is from their Halloween event I was delighting in being able to make hamburgers float in midair. There’s another holiday event on right now, actually, but I’ve been too busy with irl holiday stuff to check it out.

I love the steam recaps, both mine and looking at all my friends’ but I’ll just post mine here--OOPS Tumblr only lets you do 30 images per post and I'm unhinged, I'm unstoppable. To be continued in part two! I'll link it once it's up! Tumblr Why.

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[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e6 celebrating the life of asa fox (w. steve yockey)

seen gifs from this one recently of sam being cute, so i know at least that's coming. recap reminding me of all the characters i iked that have died, not exactly putting me in a great mindset though

ok so. we're gonna use the same actress, samantha smith - who is 47 at this point, for mary in 1980 (who would be 26). even though in 5x13 it's 1978 with a different actress when dean time traveled. weird choice but ok. sighing that they forced me to figure out the numbers on it :p

decided to just grab the whole scene so i could swim around in the slice of life cozy feelings for a while before it falls apart .2 seconds later

i turned captions off because netflix puts them right over their faces when the title credits are running at the bottom :|

dean's so proud of himself and can't wait to tell jody about hitler, very cute. i do really look forward to episodes with her now. that casual family affection and support sure is nice for them, little hugs and kisses as they barge on in. and her "are you?" to the romcom chick question cracks me up, with how she says it

SAM He’s more of a, uh… animated Japanese erotica chick. JODY Really?

her reaction is great. now generally i'm not about that embarrassing each other life, but that one was cute. and i'm sure dean has done more than his fair share of embarrassing his little brother over the years :p tit for tat, in front of mom/big sister

DEAN Don’t tell her that. SAM Tell her what? DEAN It’s Jody, man. SAM Dude, be proud of your hobbies. It makes you who you are.

his laugh there sounded to me more like a jared laugh than a sam laugh. maybe because we just don't hear sam laugh all that much. which made me inexplicably upset and not want to watch the rest of the episode today.

all right, day 2. i'm exhausted. let's see if i can do this

SAM Yeah, no, Jody. We… we know you’ll be fine, but… you know, we never go to hunter gatherings, outside of bars. Dad always said they were trouble, so…

'course he did

DEAN He died on the job. No better way to go. SAM You really believe that? DEAN Yeah. What, you don’t? I mean, come on, Sam, it's not like we're in the “live till you're 90, die in your sleep” business. This? [Dean points at Asa’s hunting wall] This only ends one way.

i should tally and gather all the times they have this conversation. it always upsets me. sometimes more than others. and the certainty of how it plays out at the end of the series.

4x12 criss angel is a douchebag

DEAN Man...hope I die before I get old. Whole thing seems brutal, don't it? SAM You think we will? DEAN What? SAM Die before we get old. DEAN Haven't we both already? SAM You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60? DEAN No, I think we'll be dead...for good. What? You want to end up like -- Like Travis? Huh? Or Gordon, maybe? SAM There's Bobby. DEAN Oh, yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully. SAM Maybe we'll be different, Dean. DEAN What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life.

11x11 into the mystic, at the retirement community

DEAN Maybe we ought to make a reservation. SAM [Chuckles] Yeah, we should be so lucky to live long enough.

... DEAN So no retirement, huh? SAM Hey, you’re the one who’s always wanted to go out blaze of glory style preferably while the Bon Jovi song is playing. DEAN I’m a candle in the wind. Yeah, but the way you said it, it was like that blaze of glory was gonna happen sooner rather than later.

can't find anything else, really thought it's come up more but also searching when not sure of the wording is a challenge

i don't have it in me to finish this today either.

attempt #3.

BUCKY And Asa made us go roller skating. And right after these ghouls almost got us. So there’s the three of us, all banged up, with a ton of ironic teenagers skating under these neon lights. You remember this, Jody? JODY Mm hmm. BUCKY Oh, it was classic. I mean, you know, until the two of you snuck off for some sweet, sweet time alone.

so jody said she met asa "a few months back" but now she's chummy with these hunters (presumably she met them through asa?) and bucky here telling this story like we're recalling days more than a few months gone by. pulls me out of the story when i need to stop to try to figure out how this makes sense and come to the conclusion that it doesn't

DEAN Hey, you clearly deserve your sweet, sweet time alone. JODY Well, I mean, it wasn’t always sweet. DEAN Uh… yeah, it’s just not how we think of you. You know, I… JODY Good, 'cause that would honestly be weird. DEAN Nobody… nobody said you can’t date, right?

little banter bicker earlier, very natural and cute. this... awkward and forced feeling to me. weird. like we gotta fill the time here during the stealth throat slash and mary slowly creeping in

new mom meet the old mom. so like, i can see how they (the show) wanted this to be a surprise for this scene but little old me is thinking you know dean was tripping over himself to tell jody about killing hitler, but the fact that their long dead mother was resurrected didn't come up.

MARY All over. I went back to Lawrence for a few days. And then, um, I’ve been using John’s journal to retrace a few things. Try to catch up on what I’ve missed. DEAN You could’ve just asked us, you know. SAM Dean, come on. DEAN She could’ve. MARY It’s okay. He’s right. But… This is something I needed to do alone. I… Listen, most of the people I knew are dead. And then I remembered Asa. He was so young when I met him, I thought he must still be around. And then… I saw an article about his death, and, uh… DEAN So you’ll text us once a week, maybe, but you’ll drive all the way to Canada to see some dead guy? Well, that’s awesome. I’m gonna get some air.

well that wasn't fair, dean.

JODY You okay? DEAN Swell. JODY Huh. Is that why you spent the entire ride up here telling me in extreme, excruciating detail how you killed Hitler, but, uh, you neglected to mention the fact that your mom is back from the dead?

all right, then. (i kinda forgot he was mad but [trying to deal] about it honestly)

DEAN Yeah, no big deal. JODY That’s a lie. DEAN Jody… JODY Look, maybe this isn't my place, and this is epic stuff, but, you know, if I could have my son and my husband back? I mean really back? I would give anything, absolutely anything to have that. And it would scare the hell out of me. DEAN Yeah? JODY Yeah. Because what if I’ve changed. What if they changed? What if it just didn’t work out the way I wanted? If you wanna talk about anything, absolutely anything, I’m here. DEAN Thanks, Jody.

when she started that, i was thinking more along the lines of scared to get close and lose them again. i think in this hypothetical, they wouldn't change much but i can definitely get the, what if i changed, of it all. being the person myself that usually has changed within a relationship and it gets kinda fucked up. anyway, i'm glad she made him talk about it. needs someone other than sam to push him sometimes and that he can lean on. i don't care if she's our manic pixie dream mom, we (myself included) need it

MARY Yeah, I just don’t know anymore. Everywhere I go, and everything I do just… feels wrong. But I’ll get used to it. Being back here. I will. I just… SAM Yeah, Mom. You don’t have to explain anything. I get it. You need space. And– and so does Dean, you know? I-I mean, he – he's just… We just got you back and he's just scared we're gonna lose you again, that – that because we're hunters, you're gonna walk away. But I know that’s not true. Even looking at these… I mean, you saved Asa in 1980, um, after Dean was born. After everyone thought you quit hunting. Seems like you couldn’t stop then, and… I’m guessing you can’t stop now, either. This job, this life, is crazy and insane. But it’s in our blood.

don't really follow the logic of - scared she's gonna walk away because they're hunters? scared she's gonna leave period, scared she's gonna die, etc. that i get.

BILLIE It wasn’t me. I don’t get my hands dirty. Rules. I just clean up the mess. Still, between us, it’s always nice to see a Winchester who can’t get what he wants.

i can barely even remember why she hates them so much. they break the rules or whatever with all the dying and coming back? okay and now billie's gonna help and he's indebted to her. sure

never gets old the top priority is where's sammy. literally yeeted through a door,

this crossroads demon apparently is just way tricksier than all your other bog standard demons. and i thought crossroads demons weren't supposed to be slaughtering people left and right. they're in sales not wetwork

no devil's traps in this here hunter's house???? the cg on the dude breaking his own neck was.... not good. also hey the whole christo thing sure would be useful :P or bust out the phone recording of an exorcism (which they did do once iirc??) too many cheat codes

sam gotta save new mom from old mom

this whole twist with the accidentally killing asa and covering it up thing has me ??? what is the point. and i felt slightly bad but the 3 person pyre made me laugh. gotta go take out another chunk of forest to expand it

awkward

JODY I don’t know what’s going on between you and your boys, but I gotta tell you, mom to mom, they are good men. Best I’ve ever met. MARY I know. They’re not the problem.

--

BILLIE See, I’m a big believer in what dies, stays dead. Laws of the universe and all that, so… MARY I didn’t ask to come back here. BILLIE No, you didn’t. And you hate it. The look in your eyes, I’ve seen it before. It’s a dead man’s look– eyes that say no matter where you go or what you do, it feels like this world doesn’t fit anymore. Like you’re all alone. DEAN Well, she’s not alone. BILLIE Tell me I’m wrong. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to offer you mercy. A one-way ticket upstairs, away from all of this.

so i sort of remember her talking about reaping god and being above everything basically, but i mean, magical god creation also is part of this universe so... ? and also, if i didn't know how many episodes mary was in, i would have believed she might actually take up billie's offer.

SAM Does this mean you’re coming home? MARY Yeah. Not quite yet. I just need a little more time.

got the production/behind the scenes-reasons vibes starting to happen for me, little too contrived but okay.

what a strange mix in this episode. so many Family Moments and Feelings mixed into a rando case/rando mix of people. case setup reminded me of the episode that was one big advertisement for Clue :p