#I’m actually kind of surprised that she’s an option to recruit

[yourqueenb]

I think Linda’s gonna be the only one I don’t recruit. I agreed with a lot of the things she said during our interactions with her, but I don’t feel any sort of attachment to her like I do with the others. And she voted yes to MC being demoted so 😒

[emo-batboy]

Battinson and the JL ft. His Eventual Identity Reveal

(If you’re just here for the cutesy bits, skip to Attempt #2. Otherwise, STRAP IN CUZ IT’S A LOT)

Bruce Wayne of Matt Reeves’ The Batman is not the founder type.

He wouldn’t voluntarily join a book club, much less join a league of super powered vigilantes whom he does not know personally.

So in this universe, you probably wouldn’t call him one of the three Founding members.

But he’s still integral to the formation of the Justice League

It starts out with a friendly visit :)

Bruce is patrolling on a random night in Gotham when he notices a weird thing in the sky. It’s floating just far enough behind him that a less vigilant person wouldn’t have noticed, but Bruce is always watching his own back, and he takes it as a threat.

He strays from his usual path and then heads to a warehouse roof before turning to face the threat.

It’s Superman. All smiley and dressed in primary colors. The strongest, most powerful being on Earth just floating over like he wasn’t stalking Batman a second ago. Bruce does not like that.

“What do you want with Gotham?” He asks. “I don’t,” Superman says. “I wanted to talk to The Batman.” So this is some kind of fight? An intervention? A warning? Then Superman frowns. “You…are The Batman, right?”

Bruce only nods as he considers his options, but he can’t really do that when Superman has super speed, super sight, super strength, super breath, super lots-of-things-that-Batman-probably-doesn’t-know-of.

Then Superman surprises him by landing on the roof and giving him this pitch about a superhero group.

Superman and a few other vigilantes have been bouncing around the idea of teaming up together so they can help one another protect their cities. And The Batman was a “perfect candidate.”

“I’m not joining your club.” “It’s not a club. It’s a league.” “What’s your mission statement, then?” “A what?” Bruce fights the urge to roll his eyes. He still doesn’t trust this guy. “Take your league idea back to the drawing board then we can talk.” He does not intend on talking.

But two months later, Superman is back. This time, he brings another super powered vigilante named Wonder Woman.

She smiles, politely approaches him, and says “Superman tells me you want to learn more about our league.” That is not what he said, but he doesn’t bite.

Bruce can’t decide which they remind him of more: college recruiters or cult leaders. But because Wonder Woman genuinely seems to care about seeing this project through, and the roster she has of current like-minded vigilantes is impressive, he lets her talk.

And to give her credit, she definitely thought out the logistics more. It almost makes up for the time they’re wasting.

Okay, fine. They’re still way behind on concept, and it’s pitiful. He actually feels bad.

They obviously care! They just have no idea how to run a business like he does. Is it a bit cynical to think of this league of Justice as a business? Yes, but that’s the only way he can even conceive this happening and working.

Bruce asks about their organization’s leadership structure, and that’s when Wonder Woman falters a bit. “We want to work with each other, not for.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks about their scope of work. “We want to help as many people as we can, but that can be ironed out later.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks “Who’s funding this?” She answers, “We have a few members willing to pitch in, but the majority will have to come from generous citizens.” And that’s when he just stops asking questions. Because what?

If he could cry the grease paint off, he would.

They can’t just think every super-powered vigilante is going to sing Kumbaya and braid each other’s hair. There needs to be checks and balances within the organization to avoid tyranny and corruption. They need a reliable source of donations (that doesn’t immediately out Bruce.) They need a proper chain of command. They need to map out their area of responsibility. They need to design a VERY strict vetting process. It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard work!

So he says he’ll think about it again and complains to Alfred about the weird super stalkers.

But for SOME reason, Alfred doesn’t see the problem

Alfred encourages him to join so he can “make some friends.” But how can he trust these people if they can’t even make a half-decent pitch? It’s like a bad episode of Shark Tank.

And “make friends?” They’re all masked

But after a week of gentle nudging (read: very firm lectures), Bruce agrees. ONLY to keep tabs on the rest of the vigilante world and possible threats to Gotham

(And without his help, they’ll probably butt-dial Lex Luthor the nuclear codes or something)

And he is damn well going to figure out who these people really are before he helps them make a Super Organization.

Alfred figures out about half of their secret identities purely as a brain exercise while Bruce is out fighting crime and collecting head injuries like Pokémon cards. They figure out the rest together.

They also develop contingency plans for every single member. Just in case.

And after months of Batman being visited by random vigilantes, whom he has several choice words for about personal space—“This is my city. Go away.”—he accepts. On several conditions.

Not all of them are appreciated.

Attempt #1: “Making Friends”

After several scheduling conflicts, a lot of prep work, and a really good hype session in front of the mirror, Bruce heads on over to the first official meeting.

Batman arrives with a long list of things they need to do before going public. The first thing on the list?

Write A Mission Statement

What the fuck are they actually trying to do? Bruce thinks this is a great starting point.

And you’d think (you’d think) this Justice League thing would be easier to tolerate than the drawn-out exec meetings he has to sit through with boring, old businessmen who keep delaying things so they can hash out every little detail.

To Bruce’s absolute horror, he BECOMES the boring businessman who’s delaying things so they can hash out every little detail. He misses the boring, old businessmen. At least they knew what they were doing.

Every turn, he is argued with.

“Why do we need a mission statement?” “‘Power Structure’ feels authoritarian. Can’t we just share leadership duties?” “Do we really need this much paperwork?”

Bruce has the audacity to say, “We need to develop some sort of protocol that helps us analyze any possible threat.” But no. “Why can’t I just jump in? I have eyes.” “Jumping in without studying an opponent’s behavior could cause more harm than good,” he insists. “So what? I’m going to watch an alien monster go on a rampage through my city instead of fighting it?” “Yes. You don’t know what it’s capable of.”

Bruce already regrets joining.

All he hears is the others gossiping. “Is this guy really telling us how to be heroes?” “He’s got a major stick up his ass.” “I knew we shouldn’t have let him join.” And if that doesn’t dissuade him, he doesn’t know what will.

“How was the first meeting?” Alfred asks. Bruce scowls. “I’m not making friends.”

Nonetheless, Bruce sticks it out for weeks until they have some semblance of an organization. And, to his shock and amazement, it…kind of works.

The Justice League makes its debut, and Wayne Enterprises generously donates some money “out of spite” after Lex Luthor publicly denounces the league. (Honestly, Bruce would too if he hadn’t personally duct-taped it together himself.)

But the league starts small, just like he told them, they respond to natural disasters and public safety threats first (as per the outreach initiative) and focus on protecting communities in need (as per the mission statement.)

Yes, they still think Batman has a stick up his ass because he’s a stickler for writing incident reports, but no one else reads them so he has the right to be pissed.

He’s almost kind of sort of content with how it’s going. Even his reputation as a vigilante is improving.

That’s when another glaring difference between him and the other members appears.

Despite looking the same age as the rest of the team, Bruce is actually much younger?? Even excluding the aliens, gods, etc.

Most of his teammates are in their late 30’s, early 40’s. Meanwhile, Bruce is at the ripe age of 29 and a half.

He is the youngest by ten years.

Everyone kind of just assumes he’s the same age, though, so they make references to 80’s kids stuff that he only vaguely understands through Alfred and his business partners. He just sits there in silence like a child who snuck over to the adult table and is waiting to get caught.

So on top of the rift he (accidentally) created when they started the organization, it’s even harder to connect through similar interests. Other than punching people together.

And Bruce Wayne has a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to their superpowers.

He’s always in the corner brooding, and everyone’s like ummm antisocial much?

But 50% of the time, it’s because he’s thinking “I’ll never amount to the incredible heroic feats everyone else has accomplished. How can I possibly make a difference to the world if I’m already struggling to save Gotham?” Like a little emo freak 🖤

(Meanwhile, you couldn’t pay those mf’s to step foot in Gotham. This Bat guy’s crazy and he’s human apparently?! No way. Nuh uh.)

The OTHER 50% of his “brooding” is Bruce standing to the side with a mixture of concern and judgment because his teammates’ competency in certain areas is…alarmingly low sometimes.

One week, he finds himself thinking, “How do these grown-ass adults not know their way around a digital map? They’re 40, not geriatric.”

Then like a week later, it’s “These fucking war fossils don’t even know Morse code. I gotta do everything around here.”

One of the final straws is when he says, “Did they just break another fucking Keurig? Who does that, Alfred? It’s the fifth one.”

Suffice it to say, he’s not very personable. But is it his fault? Well yeah, a little bit. Like……..65% his fault.

(The remaining 35% is their moaning and groaning whenever Batman calls a meeting.)

Bruce’s irritation is totally justified.

God, he just wants to go home.

Why is he doing this again?

Attempt #2: Actually Making Friends

The first JL member to break through his cold, black exterior is Wonder Woman. She needs help with search and rescue after a sinkhole opens up near an elementary school, but no one’s available until Batman responds to her call.

He’s on the scene in less than an hour and makes quick work in securing the area. Thankfully, she catches him once it’s over. (He always runs off without saying goodbye.)

“Thanks for helping. Everyone else was just so busy. I’m glad you could fly over.” Batman mumbles something that she can’t quite hear. “What was that?” she asks. “I was busy too,” he repeats. She gives him a weird look, and he freezes up for a second as he realizes that probably wasn’t appropriate to say. “I mean…this was more important. There were kids in danger so it didn’t…matter if I was busy.”

Wonder Woman considers how awkward The Batman looks for a moment then smiles. So he really is human. “Well, thank you. The help was very much appreciated.”

Since then, several small acts of kindness and solidarity earn Batman some respect from the rest of the team.

One day, Flash complains about how boring their meetings are so Batman brings a massive bin of fidget toys. After placing them in front of the Flash, he mumbles, “These are for ADHD. They’re useful.” Flash almost cries with relief. He is very touched.

Another day, Green Arrow is severely injured in battle. Without a word, Batman leaves the fight, takes him to a safe location, stops the bleeding, and does it all while repeatedly making sure he’s awake and asking permission to remove certain pieces of clothing.

In another fight, Plastic Man’s mask is thrown off, and Batman sees his face. In a second, Batman tosses a smoke bomb, picks up the mask, and hands it back before anyone else can look. It costs them time and the element of surprise, and Plastic Man knows it, but Batman did it anyway.

A JL member’s stomach grumbles during one too many meetings. Suddenly, their little break room becomes a fully stocked kitchen with shelf-stable meal items and all the basic necessities. There’s a nut-free section, a gluten-free section, everything. The only reason they know it’s him is because anyone else would have admitted to it.

(He renovated the whole fucking thing. In one night. By himself.)

And they all see how gentle he is with children. Countless times, The Batman is spotted prioritizing young civilians at any given moment.

He has lollipops in his belt. And Bluey bandaids too.

It’s the little things that make them feel closer to him :)

And okay maybe his goddamn Mission Statement lecture wasn’t so bad

So they stop moaning and groaning

Okay, now it’s bonding time WOOHOO!!

Attempt #3: Kinda? Friends??

One day, Superman says he isn’t too fond of billionaires (because of Lex, obviously) and goes on a rant about capitalism. Bruce doesn’t dare contribute because 1) he’s the richest man in the world and 2) every other billionaire he’s met is insufferable.

(Including Oliver Queen who Bruce refuses to look at while Green Arrow “defends his city’s billionaire.”)

(And while we’re on the topic of Green Arrow, Bruce cannot forget the disappointing almost-fling two summers ago. He still holds a grudge.)

Green Arrow: “You’re all fashion nightmares. Who wears a cape in the 21st century?” Batman: “At least my facial hair isn’t longer than my dick.” GA: “What was that, Batman?” B: “What?”

Also Bruce is very attracted to Superman.

(He likes older men.)

(Yes, I am referring to Henry Cavill’s Superman.)

(Sue me.)

(But don’t get your hopes up. He does literally nothing about it.)

(Coward.)

One of the JL members complains about how sore they are after a few missions so Bruce cashes in his Monthly Attempt to Socialize and says, “Try yoga. It helps me.” “…Batman, you do yoga?” “Yes. My son got me into it….It’s good for you.” “You have a son?!” He is never socializing again.

They also learn that Batman has the smallest frame on the team. (Like yeah, he’s tall, but he’s also lanky, and everyone else is either an alien or a human dorito.)

One night, they need to sneak through the vents of some building so Bruce offers to do it. Someone says, “It’s a tight squeeze. Are you sure you can fit?” Then he just takes his cape and pauldrons and shoulder pads off and is suddenly like a foot skinnier

“Wait…is this why you’re so good at hiding in the shadows?” Bruce just glares at the Flash for a second before climbing into the vents.

(The answer is yes.)

A betting pool is started over whether or not Batman is part Bat.

In fact, several betting pools begin because no one knows anything about the guy??

Aquaman and Plastic Man go to great lengths to figure out what his hair color is.

They lose their shit once Bruce tells them he’s vegetarian.

Green Lantern: “Every time he opens his mouth, we learn something new. Next, he’s going to tell me he speaks Swahili!” Batman: “I do.” GL: “Oh, come on!”

Superman: “We need someone on the inside for this international operation to work, but that’ll take at least three months undercover.” Batman: “Don’t worry. I have connections.” S: “…In Shanghai?” B: “Yes.”

The Flash adds SHANGHAI?? to his conspiracy board

Bruce needs to stop trying to socialize. It’s better for everyone’s cardiovascular health.

A year or two in, they’re all introduced to Captain Marvel. Bruce is the first and only person to learn his true identity (kid Billy Batson) because Bruce is the only one with a kid. That way, he understands the weird Gen-Alpha humor and references.

Millennia-old deities don’t use the term Flop Era.

And, of course, they play FMK at some point.

(I mean, come on. There are like TWO mature adults on this team, but Martian Manhunter doesn’t know what’s going on until it’s too late, and Wonder Woman is busy at her day job.)

During that particular round, the celebrities are Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor, and Kylie Jenner. Bruce does, in fact, want to kill himself, but he chooses Fuck instead because of this exact conversation:

Green Lantern: Come on, Bats. It’s just a game! Choose already. Batman: No. I’m against killing. GL: Oh, go fuck yourself. This situation is completely hypothetical, and you know it. B: Fine! Fuck Bruce, Marry Kylie, Kill Lex. GL: See? That wasn’t so hard :) Bruce:

He tried

Attempt #4: Ah shit, FRIEND?

The identity reveal comes about three years after he joins. He’s 32, has three kids, he’s been on hundreds of missions with them, the team’s over twice its original size, and there are domestic terrorists overtaking Manhattan.

Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and The Batman try to extract as many civilians as possible, but now they’re being hunted. After hiding in a warehouse and considering their options, MM finally suggests that they pose as civilians, which immediately creates uproar.

Bruce, however, realizes this is the only way out.

But it’s not dramatic or badass like that one JL episode. No, instead, he thinks about it, swallows the regret, and just—

Takes off his cowl.

And the whole room falls dead fucking quiet.

Then, “Oh fuck.”

(That was Green Lantern.)

Bruce just shrugs and mumbles, “Martian is right. It’s the only way.” And really fucking hopes the grease paint hides his red face because he is not having a good time right now.

He would rather die, actually, but they need to get somewhere safe and Fast.

The others look him up and down then nod slowly. “Uh yeah.” “Okay, sure.” “This is fine.” “We’ll do that.”

The others begin slowly taking off their suits and changing into something more casual. Bruce takes his off, revealing the skin-tight compression suit underneath, and stuffs his armor in the roll-up duffel bag that’s kept in his belt.

He changes into his drifter outfit, wipes his face clean, and suddenly, The Batman’s just a normal guy. (A very pretty normal guy, mind you. His teammates have eyes.)

“We can head to my place,” Bruce says. “It’s closer, and I know the train system pretty well.” And yes, he’s pretty soft-spoken outside of the suit, but now it feels even more obvious.

Meanwhile, the others are like—

Oh. My. God.

Oh my god, he’s fucking shy. Batman is acting shy in front of us. Dear fucking god. Batman is Bruce Wayne. And Bruce is shy so Batman is fucking shy?? Bruce is pretty too. Holy fuck. He is very pretty.

And he’s so young?? Oh my god, he’s a BABY wtf?! He’s like four inches shorter. Four inches tall! They’re all towering over him without his massive boots and armor, and he just hunches over with the big duffel bag like he wants to sink into the floor, and he’s so small.

Wonder Woman wants to put him in her pocket.

Sue her.

They end up taking the train back. Bruce has on the mask and cap that hides his face (poor Superman, he really likes his jawline) and they all follow Bruce as he gets off and on several trains at seemingly random stops. THEN when they’re finally in Gotham, they head into an abandoned-looking subway station that leads them into a…cave?? WTF

And in the middle of the cave is an elderly man with a cane and a three-piece suit just lounging on a recliner. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK—)

He looks up from his crossword puzzle and says, “Ah! You’ve finally made friends, I see?” Bruce rolls his eyes. “This is not a sleepover,” he gripes. “Shame. I was about to grab your footie pajamas for you.”

The man smiles at them. “A pleasure to meet Master Wayne’s work friends in person. Would you like some coffee? Tea? If you’re like him, this is going to be a long night.”

No one dares to question why this man recognizes them in their civvies

They also can’t tell if the footie pajamas line was a joke or not. After tonight, nothing is off the table.

(This is a minefield of information. Barry is having flashbacks to his conspiracy board. No one is going to fucking believe him.)

They all settle into one corner of the cave. Bruce leaves to change and comes back looking like this:

(Goddamnit, Clark is having a meltdown. His hair looks so good wet.)

At one point while they’re plotting, Wonder Woman glances over his shoulder to see Bruce checking some sort of security camera. A boy, maybe nine or ten, is sleeping in bed. “Is that your son?” Bruce clearly doesn’t want to answer, but Alfred gives him a look, and Bruce sighs. “One of them. Yes.”

Later, they have to analyze some explosive samples in the cave, and Barry, forensic scientist extraordinaire, has some choice words about the non-sterile environment.

Barry: This doesn’t look safe. Bruce: My lab is perfectly clean and functional. *bat screeches* Don’t worry about that.

For the rest of the night, they use the evidence they have to track down the organization while the rest of the JL suits up and saves NYC.

After a few hours, they’re safe to return to NYC for damage control. But Alfred refuses to let Bruce go with them. “Your sons are worried. Drive them to school, then you’re coming home and sleeping.”

Bruce clearly wants to argue, but the mention of his kids stops him. He sighs and turns to the others who are already changed. “Let me know if you need anything. I can be there in ten minutes.”

They all nod, knowing full well they will not be doing that. The guy clearly needs rest.

(Also, he is a single father of three and still goes out every night to punch robbers and crime bosses? Is he doing okay?)

Then they head back to NYC with so many questions.

But a lot of it makes sense too, actually. Maybe they just weren’t thinking about the man behind the mask enough to see it.

They learned a lot about their friend that night.

And they have a lot of bets to cash in.

FIN

Okay :D that was a lot! If you enjoyed it, please let me know. This has been simmering in the back of my head for months <3 Have a great day and drink some water :)

Hey bestie @bruciemilf

[bluecladone]

Beat Veilguard last night, here’s some of my thoughts (SPOILERS BELOW):

First, some positives: Holy shit this game is a visual gem. The art direction and set pieces really blew me away in some places. That mountain with the titan corpse? Treviso? The lyrium chamber with the Oracle? I can’t wait for the art book lol. Also the animations and hair physics are *chef’s kiss*. I was really worried about the animations as Bioware has repeatedly gone on record saying how difficult the Frostbite engine is to work with (and I’m still a bit scarred from Mass Effect Andromeda lol) but they seem to have finally mastered it here. I was surprised at how expressive Rook was and loved how nuanced the dialogue choices were. Somehow, no matter which dialogue option I chose, I felt that the delivery was exactly what I wanted or better. There were times where I wanted Rook to be angrier or meaner though lol. Also, the worlds weren’t nearly as linear as I feared they might be. I thought it was a good balance between open-world and linear level design.

Now for some things that irked me:

There were a lot of bad line reads, especially at the beginning. Bellara springs to mind, though when she wasn’t trying to sound quirky she actually sounded alright lol. Looking up her actress, it doesn’t look like she’s done a lot of voice work, so it could just be rookie mistakes. Then again, Ali Hillis—Harding’s actress (and Liara T’soni and Aloy)—also had some clunky line reads. My guess is that they probably weren’t directed very well. Considering most of the clunky dialogue is in the beginning of the game, it’s not too egregious. I think they both found their footing with their characters as they went along. There were also some things that were worded or represented weirdly but I don’t know if it was on purpose or not? The two instances I’m thinking of are when Bellara tells Rook about her brother, and when Caterina was killed. My problem is the refusal to really say “killed.” Bellara says something like “wherever [her brother] is” and the implication is that he’s dead, of course. But the dialogue choices were either offering condolences or asking intrusively what happened so I wasn’t given a hard confirmation of his supposed death until a later conversation. The same happens during Lucanis’s recruitment mission where, after returning to Crow headquarters, Illario tells us that Caterina was “taken” by Venatori. I automatically assumed she was kidnapped, (which turns out to be the case, but I digress) since we just sprung her grandson from mage jail. That is, until Lucanis later swears that her death will be avenged, and I was like “Oh. Well maybe I missed something, even though I don’t think I did?” For hours afterward I was really confused by the coded language used and wondered why no one would just say dead or killed lol. But then it turns out that both characters are alive after all, so maybe it was on purpose? I guess? It was a clunky set up, if so.

Which leads me to my next gripe: during the mission to help with Caterina’s funeral, Lucanis tries to ask Illario about the details of the murder, (where did it happen, how was she killed, etc.) and doesn’t get a straight answer. Then Illario is weird about picking up “Caterina’s” ashes, which not only immediately made it obvious that he was a traitor, but also baffles me that the Crows somehow fell for the body double ruse twice in a row?? Not a lot of discerning people in a faction where the correct body should be tantamount to their success, no? Then, when it is glaringly obvious to the cast that Illario is the traitor, they just...kind of sit on that info and do nothing about it?? No warning to Teia and Viago, or anything? Honestly, everything about the Crows bothered me a lot lol. I didn’t like that they were portrayed as this plucky, lily-white faction of underground freedom fighters when we know that’s not how they operate. Not saying that they can’t be a terrible organization and patriotic, but the game does nothing to portray them as the neutrally evil entity they’ve always come off as. According to Zevran, they buy children from brothels and if they fail training, they’re killed. If they survive, they’re tortured to build their resistance to pain. Not to mention how Caterina used to beat Lucanis with a cane to correct him as a child, yet they still act weirdly warm toward one another. I get family is complicated, but geez. Maybe the Crows of Treviso are a softer touch, but I doubt they’d last long if that were so. I just wish the writers had tried to make them more morally gray than what we’re shown. I honestly forgot they were supposed to be scary assassins most of the time lol.

Some other little things before I move on to the big ones (besides the Crows lol):

While I loved Taash and loved getting to help them discover themselves, I was a little sucked out of the narrative by the ham-fisted lesson on gender identity lol. I get that they probably wanted to give a rundown for people who aren’t familiar with the topic, but I don’t think anyone who’s made it this far in the series isn’t at least somewhat familiar with the concept or are trans/non-binary/genderfluid. The Dragon Age fandom is very colorful that way lol. I could tell it came from a good place, at least. It was just funny to see the characters all but face the camera and say, “Hey kids, here’s a primer on gender identities for the uninitiated.” I didn’t really understand why Shathann was so hung up about Taash’s identity when Iron Bull flat-out tells us in Inquisition that the Qun has words and beliefs for people who identify that way and that they’re pretty chill about it. Not to say that EVERYONE in the Qun is likely to be chill about it, but still. Shathann even gives the same explanation before being interrupted, so it had me scratching my head a bit.

Then there was Bellara’s little “follow your heart” speech which made me roll my eyes a bit. Just a bit too corny and stereotypical for me personally. There are plenty of anecdotes about staying true to oneself without having to explicitly rely on the words “follow your heart.”

I got locked out of Lucanis’s romance without realizing until it was way too late lol. I don’t expect the game to be like “WARNING: CHOOSING MINRATHOUS OVER TREVISO MEANS YOU CAN’T FUCK THE HOT ITALIAN” but I feel like locking the romance entirely is kinda mean, especially after I looked it up and saw you could still romance Neve if you choose Treviso instead. As far as I know, Lucanis is the only romance option that gets locked because of a choice you made. I didn’t realize why I wasn’t getting flirt options until several hours later when I looked it up, after completing a shit ton of sidequests lol. Didn’t help that Lucanis is absent from the team for a good chunk of time afterward, and I’m a stickler for getting as many sidequests done as I can before moving on with story missions. I knew I could flirt with any of the other companions but it felt a bit late in the game to start at that point, and I was worried it might effect the pacing of the romance, so I just went without. Romance is kind of a big part of the appeal of these games to me, but it’s not everything. I thought about reloading an old (very old, by that point) save, but I didn’t want to deal with the frustration. Besides, I thought, if the game still holds up despite missing out on this one thing I was kind of looking forward to, then that speaks to its merits. I still had a good time overall, and am already starting a second campaign to explore some other choices and finally make that manlet mine lol. Still, it is quite annoying when choosing to save Minrathous is clearly the right call in my opinion. The game itself doesn’t make much ado about the consequences of leaving Treviso to fend for itself besides the civilian casualties. But it definitely makes leaving Minrathous sound more alarming. (You’ll basically be handing over the most powerful city in the North over to the Venatori and Evanuris. Treviso doesn’t have a giant floating castle with magic weapons that can pick a single target out of a crowd of people lol. Also the game acts like there wouldn’t also be a high civilian toll for some reason.)

While I feel that reading the tie-in books and comics isn’t required to get an understanding of certain characters and whatnot, I feel like it adds important context and makes you actually somewhat care for the fate of a lot of the characters in the game. It’s frustrating to track all that stuff down and read it, though most of it is covered in Tevinter Nights, however I might feel about some of the writing in that one lol. I suppose it could be argued that none of the Dragon Age games have ever been guaranteed sequels since its inception, so this was the next best thing to offer closure and/or extra worldbuilding just in case. In fact, the ending to Veilguard kinda feels like they’re trying to keep it open for a sequel since there are some minor loose threads, (And an end screen that basically says the Veilguard stands prepared lol) but who knows if we’ll see one. EA has never seen Dragon Age as a priority IP, since it’s an RPG and those can be hard to make into bestsellers. They’d rather focus on something more like Mass Effect— a traditional third-person shooter with some RPG elements—which we’re almost certainly getting another of. Hopefully. If there ever is another Dragon Age, I really struggle to imagine what in the world it would even be about.

Another gripe is the fact that Morrigan is not at all as prominent in the game as we maybe expected. (At least, I did lol) It’s not that big of a deal to me, but it does make me wonder why they even put her in the game. I guess to give the player an explanation about Mythal and her relationship to Solas, and to give over the aspect thingy if you do all the sidequests in the Crossroads. It didn’t really warrant Morrigan’s presence, though. Then again, I’m sure the fans would have rioted if she hadn’t been there. I guess I wish they would have utilized her more, and better lol.

The same can be said of the Inquisitor, but at least they had the excuse of keeping the South together while Rook did their thing. (Which would be a great idea for a dlc/expansion; playing as the Inquisitor and maybe seeing more about the choices made in the last game since we didn’t get to see many in Rook’s journey.) Though I do have a big problem with an Inquisitor who still wants to redeem Solas after everything he did, which I’ll get into more detail later. An Inquisitor who romanced him and still wants to get back together with him is doubly icky, but once again, I’ll come back to it lol.

Now the big things:

Varric. Oh, my poor, poor Varric. I made a post a while back about how I thought I might not enjoy the game as much if it turned out he died right at the beginning, and well...I was half right. His death was a twist I really didn’t see coming, and I’m honestly not sure how to feel about it right now. I admire the bait and switch for how clever it is, but am a bit frosty about how cruel it is, too. It feels a bit dumb to say for a fictional person, but I truly think I’m in mourning for Varric. I remember how I lamented in my old post about how it would have been so unsatisfying for him to die among strangers who barely knew him, away from the people that loved him best. This was softened somewhat by his relationship with Rook. Clearly, Rook cared about Varric a lot as a mentor, and possibly even as a father figure. (It helped that I headcanoned my Rook as someone who was separated from her parents at a young age and therefore craved that connection.) It’s still upsetting that I was half right with my prediction, and my heart breaks when I think about the Kirkwall gang not being there when he died, especially Hawke. Once again, I’m unsure of how I’m feeling about all this. I’m upset, but also aware that he couldn’t last forever, despite my wishes lol. Would it have been better to hear about him dying offscreen in a supposed sequel or tie-in book/comic? I’m upset Solas killed him, but I can’t decide if it’s out of character for him to have done so. I was surprised he stabbed Varric when it happened, but it’s not like he didn’t give Varric a warning when he broke Bianca. And he did kill Mythal, who he was closer to than anyone, despite how complicated their relationship got. I still need to reflect on all of it, and maybe my opinion will change when I have a clearer head. What I took the most exception to was the Inquisitor’s reaction to it as one who both romanced Solas and wanted to redeem him. Looking back on how you get to choose whether she gets back together with Solas or not leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At this point, the Inquisitor is obviously aware Varric is dead and that it’s Solas’s fault. I feel like even the most besotted, kindhearted Inquisitors would have trouble reconciling that, regardless of how close they might or might not have been to Varric. He was part of the inner circle, integral to stopping Corypheus. I feel like that should warrant some kind of reconsideration on her part. I’d be fine if she still wanted to redeem Solas, but pursuing a romantic relationship with him despite everything he’s done not only to Varric, but the world...it’s just gross to me. Maybe the Inquisitor sees Rook’s encouragement to get back together as some kind of forgiveness towards Solas on Rook’s part? I don’t know...it takes quite a bit of mental gymnastics on my part lol. But maybe others feel differently. I’d love to hear someone else’s opinion on the matter. As it is, the kiss before Solas and the Inquisitor disappear was soured for me. I might go back and try some of the other ending choices to see how I like those, but for now I’m focusing on another playthrough with an Inquisitor who did not romance Solas and swore to stop him. We’ll see which I like better lol.

Another big issue is, while I totally expected Solas to betray Rook at some point, the way it was handled was not very good in my opinion. Why, of all times, would Solas turn on us after killing Ghilan’nain? I know it’s likely a pride thing, or possibly he’s lost faith in Rook’s efficiency after they get one of their people killed. (Or more, depending on your choices for the assault, but I looked up the optimal choices after getting Harding killed so I didn’t traumatize myself further lol. Sorry Davrin and Assan :’(.) In fact, I was so confused by Solas’s timing that I thought it was actually Elgar’nan fucking with Rook’s head as revenge lol. Anyway, deaths in the line of duty didn’t seem to phase Solas in the past, though we do see that memory in one of his regrets. It just seemed hasty for him to immediately banish Rook to the Fade prison when they’re the one who’s done all the heavy lifting so far. And somehow, Solas seems surprised shit doesn’t work out like he planned later, but once again, I guess that’s his pride at work. This is also a complicated one for me that I think I need more time to puzzle out. I just have a hard time reconciling how someone so smart could be so dumb. Even when he was at his most powerful, he still had help from Felassan and other rebels. And yes, while Solas does take charge of Rook’s faction after trapping them, I highly doubt they compare to ancient elves with powerful magic and spirits. Credit where it’s due though, I was concerned when Solas had that line in the beginning about “abhorring blood magic” when he says the opposite in Inquisition. I can see now that it was clearly a lie meant to put Rook more at ease. Or at least, that’s how I saw it.

Overall, I did enjoy the game, despite my many problems with it. That being said, I think the mass layoffs at Bioware really made the game suffer in the writing side of things. Hopefully the new staff finds their footing after this, and I wish them the best of luck.

R.I.P. Varric Tethras, a self-admitted liar who could be honest to a fault, whose charm captured me from the moment I met him. He’s the charismatic character all writers strive to create.

[revserrayyu]

My experience with Serval’s companion missions

I finished both “Time Express” and “Only A Child” and wrote this up shortly after on hoyolab about a week ago, but I figured I might as well post it all on here as well with a few additional thoughts towards the end now that I had more time to think about everything. Needless to say, I experienced many emotions that I felt the need to ramble on about.

(so spoiler warning for those two missions? though I’m sure the majority have completed them already.)

Being relatively new to HSR, I didn’t realize these specific missions ultimately allowed for certain characters to become visitors on the Astral Express. I’ve done a couple of these missions previously, but thought it was just a random occurrence regarding who and when they’ll ask to visit the train. This is my own fault for accepting missions too quickly, so I tend to miss some finer details. This was absolutely the case once I got a message from Serval because of course I’m going to drop everything I’m currently doing and help out one of my favorites in the blink of an eye! She’s been a reliable teammate of mine til now so you can imagine the blissful shock I felt when she brings up the possibility of joining the Astral Express.

Deep deep down, I had a feeling that the game itself was set in stone with who the main group of the Express was going to consist of. It’s a pretty solid family of six after all, so I had my doubts it was going to expand so easily, especially at the wishes of us as the mc. Everyone would just recruit their favorite characters and then no one would be left roaming the worlds (which I do enjoy, honestly. Seeing all these familiar faces out and about, living their own lives when you can go check in on them whenever you want. Makes the world feel more.. I dunno, inviting? real?). Anyway, even with that tint of doubt, I strongly hoped such an idea was still possible. The game is great about having various replies to the different text options we can choose during conversation, giving the impression that what you say does indeed make some kind of impact (which is another thing I love about this game btw), so naturally, being me, I wanted Serval to join us. Like, now. Instantly.

I chose to run the idea by Himeko, but read online afterwards that she, Welt and Pom-Pom would’ve accept a new member regardless. It was sweet learning how open they were to a friend of yours joining the family, but it makes me sad knowing that now after having finished both missions because darn it, it could’ve actually happened had the game let it! Aahh, it seemed easy and too good to be true, and if there was one person I was wary of about this whole situation going by smoothly, it was Gepard. Upon running into the siblings in the workshop and seeing him ask Serval about rejoining the Silvermane Guards again, I believed that would deter her from actually wanting to stay in Belobog, as the job might cause some unpleasant memories to resurface. Even though I wasn’t surprised to see Serval being so hesitant about the idea or going to talk to Bronya, I was pleasantly surprised about Gepard agreeing that Serval might benefit well from traveling. I was happy to hear that, of course, but also because he also seemed more concerned with his sister’s happiness and well-being rather than what’s best for the city and the civilians, which says a lot about him, being captain of the guards.

Cut to the conversation happening within Qlipoth Fort and here’s where my first “oh no, she’s staying” feeling struck me. Up til now, I knew Serval was a kind and considerate soul; it was evident back when she stayed behind to assist Gepard and his men fight off the incoming enemies while everyone else went to confront Cocolia at Everwinter Hill. Seeing her choose her family over the chance to see a stellaron, something Serval spent so much time and effort into researching over the many years for her career, spoke volumes to me about how selfless she is. Hearing her admit that her idea of running away with the Express crew to fulfill her own dreams was a bit recklessly selfish instead of help those in need in Belobog with the skills only she has made her really pause and think about what to do next.

To add even more fuel to the fire, the past comes back to haunt Serval even more with the reveal of the famous guitar. This moment is a little silly to me though, but only because I’ve been persistently using Serval on my team, so seeing her with the guitar is nothing new in my eyes, but it’s clear that story Serval hasn’t seen said guitar in quite some time. Which makes me wonder, how did she help Gepard and the soldiers near the barrier previously without her main weapon..?

Oh boy, and to think I’ve been letting her fight so often with such a guitar so heavily linked to her upsetting past. I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t know!

Moving onwards, there’s one thing I adore about this conversation with the siblings near the flower shop and it's how the npc on the bench was actually playing one of Serval’s songs. If I hadn’t recently went back and watched all the character’s trailers then I probably wouldn’t have caught that extra detail, but it’s so good that they included it and had Serval confirm it as well to prove I wasn’t going insane and overly thinking about it. But yeah, another slight “oh no, she’s not gonna want to leave” moment if the people actually enjoy and appreciate her music.

I still kept teetering whether or not the game was actually gonna allow Serval to join the Astral Express at this point with all the little hints it tossed in, but when following the siblings back to the workshop to help Serval pack her bags, I was like “wow, maybe it could actually happen?” I wasn’t completely convinced though since every item we looked at around the shop seemed to have a ton of sentimental value to them, such as the unfinished letter to her mother, the plant from Lynx, that family heirloom case and of course the guitar. Now is a good of a time as any to also mention how much I love Serval’s voice actress. Throughout this whole mission (and the one upcoming), she has put so much darn emotion into her voice! I swear it was enough to get me emotional too. I’m not only saying that because Serval is a favorite of mine and I’m bias but because of how easy it was to feel her pain through every word spoken. Even now, just reading the conversation over again, I can still hear the emotion so clearly in my mind. The weight behind all her words, sighs, pauses and the hopelessness she felt due to all the changes in her life that she had no real control over.. aah, I just have so much empathy and love for this girl y’all.

Once everything was packed and ready, I truly thought the Express family was gonna succeed in gaining another member.. that is until Gepard opens his mouth and requests some assistance in the Underworld. I can accept he truly wanted Serval’s help with all the energy hubs, maybe to also spend a little more time with her before she leaves and I’m certain he had no idea of an incoming monster attack, but the end result really threw my wish out the window. I did appreciate that quick moment that happened before taking the train to the Underworld, where it was briefly mentioned that Serval was late to meet us due to actually getting in touch with her parents. I like how she’s making an effort to be on better terms with the family despite being kicked out, and while there’s no issue with mom, there’s still a lot of tension between her and dad. Thankfully Gepard is fully aware of it as well. Again, I love all the emotion in Serval’s voice, even her slight anger.

And the emotions just keep on coming in waves because her entire encounter with this decaying Cocolia-like shadow almost had me breaking down and shaking as well.

It's happened a couple times now within the story and these missions that whenever the conversation does get real heavy, Serval tries her hardest to lighten the mood regardless of what she feels in her heart and I want to hug her so much. She doesn’t deserve all this pain!

Honestly though, with all the heartbreak and setbacks Serval has endured since Cocolia went power hungry, we’re lucky it all didn’t lead her to start her own villain arc, ya know? I’m thankful she stayed strong all these years, but who knows how close she was to snapping and giving up and that thought alone makes me so sad. The game can only show us so much about each character but just imaging Serval struggle from losing her job, all her research, her closest friend and all the family drama is a lot for one person to bear. 

Good lil’ Geppie stepping forward to defend his sister while she needs a moment to get all her emotions in check.

And me too, naturally. I’d defend this woman with my life and give her the world if I could! She deserves so much happiness!

Yeaaahh sweetie, fight your demons! And not that anyone was wondering, but yes I had Serval on my actual team this entire time, so having her actually take part in this fight was wonderful once again. 

With the all the chaos over with, we all end up back at Natasha’s clinic to check up on the people we helped escaped and I’m hit with even more “oh no” signals as we witness this other sister and brother pair talk about their family.

And the warning signs kept on flashing in my head as Gepard speaks his own mind as well. Serval’s silence is so loud til her request to chat with her brother confirms exactly what I’ve been fearing.

And then the “oh no” feeling finally lands a critical hit on my heart as Serval reveals her choice to stay in Belobog. Again, I had a hunch it was going to happen, but having Himeko approve of a new member and Serval pack her bags really had me believe that her boarding the Atral Express was possible for a while.

Even though the news bums be out, it means so much more to see Serval turn over a new leaf and become a better version of herself.

And you just know she’s going to improve Belobog so much with all her knowledge and skills with mechanics. We might not personally get to see it, since there’s so much else going on within the game’s story, but I can dream, can’t I?

Now, I’m already proud of her for all the personal progress she’s made so far to make the decision to stay, but I could’ve never imagined what her final request would’ve been back on Everwinter Hill. For a brief moment, I took her words quite literally and believed we were actually going to hear her sing a calm melody or something.

Once she started shouting.. I quickly realized this wasn’t gonna be as heartfelt as I thought. If I was in Serval’s place, I probably would’ve sent countless swears to Cocolia for all the heartache her actions left upon me. 

What actually happened, however, was far from anything I expected! At first I figured perhaps Serval might’ve brought the guitar to use as a makeshift headstone of sorts, but nope! Let’s smash it to pieces instead! Ooohh what a powerful moment, not only because of the quick cutscene or all the rage in her “I will no longer live in your shadow!” scream (sending praise to her voice actress once more), but also due to how significant that guitar was to both Serval and Cocolia. It was something they built together and as much as Serval absolutely loves music, she rather live freely without her past holding her hostage than keep the instrument around as a constant reminder of everything she lost.

Again, I feel so bad because I use Serval all the time in fights and knowing now what that guitar represents to her is.. unfortunate. I mean, I know Cocolia was the one who gathered all the parts available so Serval could create it just as perfectly as she designed it, but I’d like to imagine Serval was capable to create a newer improved version of the guitar afterwards.. just so I won’t feel guilty having her in my team still. Anyways, I did find it a little funny that after witnessing his sister rage out and destroy one of her most special possessions, he asks something so simple.

But all is well because she definitely deserves to feel happy and free from her past. I wish she could’ve been there for the real final battle too. Whatever happened to March promising to take pictures of the stellaron for her, huh? I know the battle was wild but surely she had to capture some moments yeah? Pftt, I wish.

After a quick thanks (which really wasn't necessary because I'd happily do anything for this woman), her mood improves so quick and I’m glad she’s got all that weight off her shoulders now and can focus more on better and brighter things in her life.

When all is said and done, of course I sprinted back to see if there was anything additional after the mission ended and I’m glad I checked. She’s not wrong about how the whole guitar smashing fits the rock n’ roll vibe, so now I’m feeling a bit stupid about how I never thought of that actually being something she would do considering everything that’s happened, but it works very well for her story.

As proud as I am of her for willingly offering her assistance so everyone can have better lives in Belobog, I am holding onto that “for now” bit so tightly within my grasp.

I know better to get my hopes up again but.. please please please please please ~

And that's the end of that. Apologies again for rambling on but I just get very passionate about favorite characters of mine and can’t hold back (some might say it’s very on brand for me to do so). I tease about wanting Serval to join the Astral Express so badly, but I truly am happy with the choice she’s made for herself. She’s fantastic and I’m amazed how quickly someone from this game earned a place in my heart. 

HSR really knew the perfect way to capture my attention, honestly, the way they had Serval be a free reward you receive from the start. Of course, I probably would've grown attached to her regardless because right away her character design is simply stunning! She's gorgeous but I also love how asymmetrical her outfit is, with one half is a torn up uniform from her days associated with the Silvermane Guards/the Architects while the other half clearly gives off her rockstar vibes. It captures her past and future wonderfully.

Then finally getting properly introduced to her during the first trailblazing mission where we learn bits and pieces of her past due to her rather complicated and unfortunate relationship with Cocolia was great, even though it tugged on some heart strings. It really set up just how how involved other characters aside from the Express crew are within the story itself, which is yet another thing I sincerely appreciate with HSR; the fact that everyone seems to have some sort of significance and gets the attention they deserve. Getting a deeper look into all the playable character's personal stories through these missions is such a nice touch and so impressive with how many there are so far. At this moment in time, I've done a handful of other companion quests for other characters, but only a few really managed to leave an impact on me, such as Natasha's, Luka's and Yukong's, but Serval's feelings and struggles during these two missions was beyond anything I could've imagined. It's all the emotion coupled with learning what makes a character who they are now and how they manage to live their lives dealing with their past that's really memorable to me and Serval's had that in spades. Who knew a simple request to meet up for some afternoon tea would lead me down an emotional investing road to find my favorite character?

[mosylufanfic]

Making Contact

This was supposed to be a sexy story about Cassian getting a massage from Jyn and actually relaxing for once in his life. What the hell, me.

 Making Contact

When the door swished open in front of him, a gentle trio of chimes announced his entry. The girl at the desk looked up. "Hello, Mr. Sward! Welcome. You have an appointment with - um - "

"Kestrel," he said.

"Kestrel, right." She  checked her screen and tapped something. "Okay, she's just finishing up her last client. You're down for the basic package today. Any interest in upgrading to the full experience?"

"No," he said flatly. 

"Well, if you're sure," she said. "It's funny, she only works a couple of days a week and you're the only person who ever requests her."

"She's good," he said.

"Oh, well, I guess,” she said doubtfully. “But some of our other clients say she's bitchy."

"I don't care how bitchy she is, as long as she can get these knots out of my back," he said stiffly,  and sat down in the waiting room with a datapad in his hand. 

A few minutes later, a bored voice said, "Joreth."

He looked up. Kestrel slouched against the front desk. "Hi," she said disinterestedly. "This way." Without waiting, she took off down the hall. 

He tucked his datapad away and followed her.

The room was just like all the others, a square box with dim lighting. It had a little table with a rack of different oils and lotions mounted on the wall, and a large, flat bed with a donut-shaped head. In one corner of the room was a privacy screen, currently folded flat against the wall. 

Sitting on the table next to the rack of lubricants was a music player, playing a soft, formless mix of woodwinds and bells. It was perfectly calculated to make your brain melt if you tried to follow any kind of melody within it. 

"No music, please," he said, and she reached over to swat the player off. 

"Fucking tinkly bantha crap," Jyn Erso muttered.

-

"I'm not licensed or anything," she'd said back at base. "Not that a place like that would check. And I didn't do the other stuff. But I picked up enough to do decent massages."

"From the sounds of this place, it'll require the sex work," Draven said with his characteristic bluntness. 

She shook her head. "See how there's the basic package and the full package, and then premium? The places I worked all had different terminology, but it's easy enough to figure out. Basic will just be a massage, nothing else. Cheap option for people who can't afford more reputable places. The full is probably a handjob, maybe blowjob. Premium, full-on sex. Most of the girls won't want to do the basics. They don't pay as much. The new girl always gets stuck with all those." She shrugged. "I usually stuck around until I couldn't avoid doing handjobs anymore and then I was out."

Draven nodded. He'd sent operatives into sex work before, but it wasn't his first choice. And certainly not with a brand-new recruit like Jyn Erso. "Cassian?" he said. "Your mission, your call."

Cassian looked at Jyn, who nodded at him. She could handle it. Could he?

"No problem," he said.

-

She'd gotten the job at the massage parlor a few streets down from the Imperial base without any issue. Like she said, girls came and went, and they didn't check licenses. The system of packages worked just like she'd said, too, as well as the tendency for the new girl to get all the basic ones.

All in all, Jyn had no problems settling into her spot as his contact and the courier for his information off-planet, as well as a secondary source of information gathering.

To his surprise, Cassian was the one with the problem.

Stripping off his clothes always made him tense and uneasy. He pulled the screen and Jyn always made a point of waiting outside the door, but neither of them could do anything about the cameras around the room. 

"For our protection," Jyn had said, with a twist of her lip that communicated it was so the bosses could spot any off-the-books sexual contact. And maybe also for porn and blackmail purposes.

But for him, it brought back memories of shucking his prison clothes under the bored eyes of the guards and standing naked in a room full of other men. He gritted his teeth and folded the clothes to have something to focus on besides his vulnerability.

Getting on the table with only a thin towel covering his ass was worse. He was naked, face down, with his back to the door. Textbook don't fucking do this, if spies had textbooks. His skin shivered, waiting for unseen knives to slice it open. His stomach clenched.

"How unusual would it be to keep some clothes on?" he'd asked as they were planning. 

"Very," she said, grimacing with apology. "If it was just me, I wouldn't say anything, but if there are cameras. . . ."

And there were. So naked it was. Except for the towel. 

Jyn knocked briskly, rat-a-tat, and waited until he said, "yes." Then she came in, locking the door behind her. 

It was easier with her there. His skin stopped trying to crawl off his bones, but his stomach still tangled into knots upon knots.

"How's the back today?" she asked. A click as she uncapped an oil bottle. Unscented. Some kind of warming reaction against his skin.

"It's been better," he said.

He also hated using his back as the excuse to go see her. Advertising his chronic pain like that felt like wearing a neon sign that yelled HIT HERE. But it had the benefit of being true, and he could use the excuse of a bad pain day to go see her on an emergency basis. 

And the discussion of his "back" was a perfect cover for a general check-in on how the mission was going. 

"Same old spots?" The same people giving you trouble? 

"Spreading a little."

She grunted. "I'll do what I can." She'd pass it along. 

She started with his upper back, small warm hands with a slick of oil on the palms, flattening themselves over his shoulder blades, working down his back.

I'm here, that first long, slow touch said. It's just me. You know me. I've got you.

The stroke of her hands down the line of his back, and then back up, started to undo the knots in his stomach. The way she positioned herself between him and the door also helped. 

"You've got tension here," she observed as she worked over the middle of his back. 

He always did, but as her thumbs worked at a knot, he felt it uncoiling itself, slithering away like a venomous snake going into hiding.

She shifted to using her fists against his lower back, pressing her scarred, beat-up knuckles into the stiffness wrapped around his spine and dragging it away. 

The first time she'd done that, he realized she'd talked to the PT staff on-base before they left, because it was their technique. It wasn't like he could ask her aloud to confirm. But just the thought made him warm inside. 

His stomach was soft now, settled. 

"I'm going lower," she said. 

In another setting - in most of the rooms in this parlor - it would have been a sexy come-on. Here it was a heads-up. 

"All right."

Her hands smoothed down over his waist, to his hips. Her thumbs stroked firmly over the knotted muscles that fed from his back into his ass. Her fingers slipped under the towel, careful not to knock it away. He almost wished she would, because it felt more intimate to feel her hand sliding under his only covering. 

It wasn't the way he wanted Jyn's hands there, but still, his cock twitched under him. 

"It'll happen some time or another," she'd said briskly. "It doesn't have to be awkward. I'm not going to take it personally. "

"A basic physical reaction to stimulus," he'd agreed.

It had all seemed very straightforward, an adult agreement that bodies did what bodies would do. But here in the dim room, with Jyn's hands on him, his body thought they were here for something else.

Bodies didn't know the difference between possibilities and wishful thinking.

As she worked his gluteal muscles, loosening them, softening them, his unruly cock pressed harder into the table. She'd notice soon. As matter-of-fact as she'd been, he still didn't want to reveal his reaction. 

He made himself think of a particularly bad mission once. Blood. Bodies. Smoke. Stench.

"Hey," she said, because maybe the mission had been too bad to think of, and she'd felt the tension knot up his back again. She flattened her hand over the worst of his surgical scars, the ones that even the best bacta couldn't completely erase. "You with me?"

Aren't I always? he thought, but just gave a soft grunt of assent and focused on his breathing instead. In. Hold. Out.

Breath. Her hands. The lock on the door. The oil warming his skin. 

I'm with you.

The remnants of the memory and of his hard-on subsided. 

"Better?"

"Yes."

"We've got about fifteen minutes in our session," she said. "Unless you want me to go back over anywhere, I'll work your legs."

"That's fine." 

She adjusted the towel over his ass again and shifted down the table. 

"I might have to go off-planet to a surgery center," he said as she pressed the heel of her hand just behind his left knee. "If they can get me in. I'm waiting to hear. Might not have much notice."

Her hands paused for a split second, then continued working. "Well, if that happens, don't forget to cancel your appointment."

"I won't," he promised.

She worked down to his calves, his ankles, his feet. He shut his eyes and gave himself over to the unspeakable luxury of being touched and tended to by someone he lo-

Trusted.

Someone he trusted.

And as hard as everything else was, this was almost too easy.

-

"Better watch out," Kaila said as Jyn came up to the front desk to clock out for her lunch break. "That guy's in love with you."

The waiting room was empty, but she nodded out the glass front door to Cassian, climbing into a speeder cab.

It caught Jyn off guard. "Who? What?" She barely remembered to use his alias. "Joreth?"

She waggled her brows at another of the girls, just coming in from her lunch hour. "Joreth, is it."

"Everyone calls their clients by their first names." Half of them were probably aliases. “You do,” she said to Samai.

“I call my two o’clock Lieutenant, because that’s what he wants,” she said absently, leaning over to check her own schedule. “And nobody says their names the way you say his."

"I don't say his name like anything. He's a client."

Kaila grinned conspiratorially at Samai. "Ever heard him say her name? I 'forget' every time I check him in just so I can hear it." She fluttered her lashes and deepened her voice to a sexy purr. "Kestrel."

"Shut up,” Jyn said. “He's not in love with me. He just likes the way I use my elbows." The datacard he'd left under the towel seemed to burn against her breast. "I'm going on my lunch."

"Gonna meet him for a quickie?” Samai said. “You know if the boss catches you fucking your clients off the clock, he'll have your head."

"I'm not meeting anyone," she yelled over her shoulder. "And Joreth Sward is not in love with me!"

FINIS

[overfedvenison]

I’ve been pushing through a blind unfair playthrough of Wrath of the Righteous... Still chaotic evil. I’m finally done Chapter 1! Lets see... My unusual actions have put me on a few strange paths, I think. Among other things:

After the intro, the goal of the first chapter is to retake the Grey Garrison. Interestingly, you get a bit of a preview of this area at the start of the chapter, as you fight your way out of it. I lost the paladin you get, Seelah, here. As in-narrative, she would have had her body lost, I elected to leave her dead for the foreseeable future. You end up held out around a tavern, which serves as the base of operations. From there, I had to go out and recruit allies and become powerful... There was also notably a recruitable Tiefling Thief locked up in the basement. But, I figured... I get the vibes of a petty thief and general troublemaker from this guy. I don’t need him right away... Lets let him rot for a bit :3c I began exploring to the south, to an abandoned tower I learned about, and then to the old market square. I believe at the time, I mostly went out with myself (Kitsune Nine-tailed Heritor, going into Assassin) and Wenduag (A spider girl focused on single, powerful shots.) I also had Camelia, but brought her back only once my party began to fill out. There is a character, Ember, you can find some crusaders attempting to sacrifice to bathe their blades in her blood for magic powers. I picked the evil option, which is like, “Yes, do it! Bathe your swords in the blood of the innocent! For Iomadae!” Iomadae being like, kind of the generic ‘good’ good of the setting. I expected hearing it being said would stop them, but they actually did it! His sword basically exploded, and you get a sense that this goddess was NOT pleased. Amusingly, I encountered this when battling some demons and leading them over for their help; this crusader was forced to fight demons with his bare hand. Well... I decided to live with that decision, and proceed into the game lacking a party member I explored more. There was a drow, there, who an elf wanted me to hunt down. She seemed a tragic figure, with more to her story... But I was going into Assassin, so I killed her. She dropped an incredibly powerful (for this point) composite longbow, so I gave that to Wenduag. She became my MVP by FAR, able to one-shot most enemies after I gave her a pair of levels in Rowdy (Which gives her Vital Strike, and lets her Vital Strike also double sneak attacks.) Mooost of my strategies relied on using her as a super-weapon, so this prize was well-worth it. I found this crusader with a portrait who appeared to have killed several Mongrels who had climbed up the side of the crack in the earth he was guarding. The man had a portrait, and looked important, but also seemed like a knight templar type that would cut down a woman who he mildly suspected of witchcraft. The more I learned, the more I had this confirmed; he lead the previous crusade, in fact. For the time being, I left him alone, but once I had more of a party I killed him - And in doing so, gained the favour of some Desna followers, and eventually unlocked a hidden Azata path. These games always surprise me at how hidden some options are, and how it rewards you for niche choices - If I had sided with this Obviously Important guy, I wouldn’t have found that. So, cool. I went elsewhere, and poked back periodically. One area allows you to recruit Daerun, who is... An aasimar that is transparently evil in that way only a beautiful man with flowing hair could be. He amuses me a lot, and he is reintroduced having a party/orgy while demons invade and occupy everywhere. Just, ABSOLUTE hedonite. So like... DEFINITELY going in my party.  Daerun is pretty interestingly a dedicated healer with very low strength. That’s a super interesting direction to take that class. However... I noticed he joined at a rather low level, and so decided to take him in a different route. First, I made him a Cavalier (Fearsome Leader;) his horse, which I named Ashe, allow him to get around his Oracle Curse of only having one action in the first round. Now he can move and act, and make use of his high Initiative.  I could have just stuck with a level of that and made him a very mobile healer, but I decided to stick with this a bit. Weapon Finesse, a point in Constitution, and Slashing Grace on the next level up? That 7 strength can become irrelevant, as I can swap him between a light crossbow and... Well, something sabre-like; I’m still a level away from that. I gave him the Order of the Shroud. Cavaliers gain a “Challenge” ability, which lets you battle a single enemy and gain bonuses against them. I like this; Pathfinder is very much obsessed with rounds-per-day abilities, and this is a flavourful and fun ability you don’t have to micromanage with rounds. This order, in particular, gains the unique ability to add Charisma to AC against that target in particular - And Daerun has a Charisma of 20. Additionally, his Fearsome Leader will allow him to use Dazzling Display better, and he gains this as a bonus feat - it is an AoE debuff keyed off his Persuasion, as well, further making use out of his presence. And as a bonus... Well, he’s rather Griffith-like, now. And, you know, that’s cool. Lacking other party members, I also spend most of my gold on a mercenary... Simply named “Warrior” Warrior is also a cavalier, but this time a Beast-Rider. I gave him a Mastodon, War Elephant, who will take a time to get online and is still only Medium-sized at the moment. Warrior has maximum strength, and uses a glaive that inflicts Fear - Very strong for when I got him, I specifically recruited him as a frontliner who can help mitigate enemies using this and the war elephant. He did respectable damage, albeit not as much as Wenduag, and kept enemies away from us as we battled back enemies Along the way, we also got a mad scientist named Neino; she’s an Illusionist-focued Wizard. That’s a really good thing to have, so nothing super notable with her build save for building up her stealth a lot to help out Wenduag and my main character, Silver. With this party, we explored the rest of the area; recruited the Thieflings (a street gang,) Desna’s followers, some Crusaders, and tricking a bunch of would-be cultists into killing each other and helping us later at the Grey Garrison. Etc. Around this time, we found that our inn was under attack by Demons! I went to recruit Wojiff, the tiefling below the inn. Interestingly, I actually lost my chance. He says something like, “Hey, what’s going on?” and I can’t get him anymore, as far as I know. So we proceeded without him, and defended the encampment from an enormous minotaur demon. Daerun... Was quite good with a crossbow, here. And Warrior made an enormous You Shall Not Pass stand, forcing his enemies to flee while supported by arrow fire. It took some doing, and the battle was long, but we eventually won after a few tries. I think this took me, like, a day. Wojiff escaped in the chaos, never to be seen again. Well, I’m down three party members, now. After a time, we assaulted the Grey Garrison. It was a long, dangerous dungeon crawl, but I got near-permanent haste going in. Some areas were VERY rough, but I slowly and meticulously cleared it out. Some areas, I had to lure enemies out and bring them down one by one. Others, I snuck past until I found ideal positions. But, there were areas here where I was, at last, pretty powerful. In the end, we got to our goal - the Wardstone - and learned of it’s corruption with the help of an aeon’s fading soul I had discovered in the market square. I unleashed demon energy, and destroyed it, scattering those beings inside away... And retaining the aeon’s knife, for later use. For this, and the battle we fought after, we gained a mythic rank. Wenduag one-shots enemies regularly, and is my main source of DPS with a bow. I gave her a feat that procs an AoE if she kills an enemy. I gave Daerun Inspiring Leader, mostly because it seemed thematic but also because it gives in Initiative bonus which works well with him Warrior, I gave an ability that upgrades his War Elephant; as he is now level 7, this should now be pretty viable as a combat creature Camelia, I gave a second class feature too. She now has the Life Spirit, which allows her to channel energy as a cleric. Since Daerun is no longer a healer, I needed some healing support. Neino, I have 4 additional spell slots from levels 1-3. Aside from the obvious use, it allows me to use Magic Missile a lot more; she also has Bolster Spell for a similar purpose. And finally, my main character Silver... I gave her the Danse Macabre ability so she can channel negative energy, and gave her the capstone of her bloodline (Elemental Body; she is immune to fire, critical hits, and sneak attacks. Which... Very useful.) These seemed like the most “Kitsune” choices.

[toothlesshat]

Dad Future! Leo Headcanons go!!!

FUCK YEAH HERE WE GO THEY’RE EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!

Casey was born to two moms, one of which being Cassandra (that girl is NOT attracted to men I’m sorry) and the other unknown, but they died very quickly. Leo was never planning to fill the gap his missing mother left behind, he was kind of like a distant uncle for the first year or so of Casey’s life.

But Casey was always by his side whether he liked it or not. Casey would fuss and cry until Leo took care of him, and he’d be 100% more cooperative if Leo was the one handling him. They were very bonded by Casey’s third birthday.

When Casey turned six, Cassandra officially asked Leo to be his caretaker if something were to happen to her. Leo was extremely taken aback that she asked him, but reasoned that since Raph and Splinter (the most qualified parents in his opinion) were already dead by that point, he would be the best option as their leader. Besides that, he genuinely loves Casey, and would do anything to protect him. So he accepts with Cassandra’s promise that she’ll stay alive as long as she can.

Cassandra dies three years later when Casey is nine. She dies protecting Casey and Leo from the Kraang, knowing that Casey’s best chance was with the turtles than with her. Leo then takes on the dad role very seriously

He begins training Casey when Casey is eleven! In the meantime, he’s really just raising Casey. He recruits Donnie and Mikey to help educate him in anyway they can, having impromptu lessons for reading and writing. He never really learns math and history is irrelevant since, well, every moment they live is history.

Leo gives Casey his first weapon, which is actually one of his twin katanas! He had already lost his mystic powers by then, so it was the same as any old sword. Unfortunately, Casey only holds onto it for about a year before it’s lost to the Kraang, which is when Donnie designs his hockey stick chainsaw thing

Casey drew Leo’s marks on his mask before they began training. He did it as a way to be closer to him, already identifying Leo as his dad at that point but wishing there could be any sort of resemblance between them. Mikey helped him do it as a surprise!

For Casey’s birthday, Leo goes out of his way to find any remains of sweets in the world. Even if it’s just a Twinkie, he tries his hardest to give him something nice for his birthdays. If he can’t find one, he’ll put all his focus into a nice gift instead, which is still limited but it’s how Casey got his cape.

Casey did the same for Leo and got him that blue scarf! He felt bad that he couldn’t find him something grander or more practical, but Leo loved it so much that’s why he wore it until the end.

Leo cuts Casey’s hair. He makes a point of doing this when he has the chance because he knows quality time is especially important to Casey, and wants to give him a sense of normalcy whenever he can. It doesn’t get to happen often, which is why Casey’s hair is much longer than it should be safety wise (you’re in an apocalypse dude your hair is gonna get in your face!!)

Leo tells Casey stories about their family, especially Raph. He sometimes wonders if Raph would’ve been a better parent to Casey, but Casey unknowingly comforts him by telling him he’s the best dad in the world.

They do acknowledge each other as father and son, but Casey slips into calling him his master in high stake situations to try and emotionally distance himself if they have to do something too dangerous. He doesn’t call him dad in the movie because he doesn’t want to acknowledge his dad died.

The picture of their family is actually shared between Leo and Casey. Leo keeps it for obvious reasons but Casey is welcomed to take it at any time to see his uncles/aunt/grandfather whenever he needs it. Casey has it the most when Donnie dies because Leo can’t bear to see his twin for too long, and Casey is terrified of forgetting him.

Leo sent Casey back in time to fix the Kraang mess, but he also did it to give him a second shot at life, which is why he didn’t go himself. He cared more about Casey getting to live out the rest of his life like a normal kid than redeeming himself for what he did as a teenager. This is also why he sacrificed himself, because he didn’t want anyone getting in the way of Casey’s escape.

IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION TO ANYONE I think the future versions of the turtles get to pass on into a spiritual form like the rest of the Hamato ancestors (mystic shenanigans! I don’t see why Casey can stay in the fixed timeline but Future!Leo can’t be with his ancestors!)

So when all is said and done, Leo visits his son when things have calmed down, and gets to tell him he’s proud of him for everything. He spends most of Casey’s life in the background, but if Casey needs him, he’ll always be there for him.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (June 6/2021) - Techno’s Visit

It’s time for Techno to visit Dream in prison. After saying some parting words to Phil, Techno goes to Pandora’s Vault for the first time...

Later, Quackity, Puffy, Bad, Skeppy and Michael tour around Las Nevadas for a fun chill stream, and Quackity recruits Michael as a worker to build in the city.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Technoblade

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

QuackityToo

Michaelmcchill

---

- Techno goes to speak with Phil before he visits Dream

- Phil gets a horrible canonical headache and Techno offers him a canonical aspirin

- Phil isn’t sure going to the prison is a good idea, as every time someone’s gone something bad's happened, but Dream saved Techno’s life. Also views

- Phil has his concerns, but Dream called in the favor. Techno thinks he should go and check on him anyways, even without Quackity. Dream’s been in there for five months

- Phil offers his help, but Techno doesn’t want Phil to take any risks paying off his debt

- But there is something Phil can do: Techno wrote a will. He throws a signed book to Phil. Phil asks how many days he should wait. Techno says it varies. The instructions are in the will

Techno: “I took a vow. Those who treat me with kindness see it repaid tenfold...I gotta honor that.”

- He rings the channel member bell

- Techno wonders if he can bring Steve, but probably not. He says goodbye to Phil and heads off for the prison

- He makes it to the prison entrance and says hello to Sam, who welcomes him through the portal

- Techno says he’s come to visit Dream, but Sam says he’s not allowing people to visit right now. Techno throws Sam a book:

---

FIELD TRIP SLIP

---

Sam. Technoblade will be paying Dream a visit. This is business related. Let it happen.

It’s also tax write off :)

- Quackity

---

- Techno reads the waiver aloud and signs it “Techno Blade”

- Sam then asks the questions:

“When is the last time you visited the prison?”

“I have not visited the prison before”

“Where is your place of residence currently located?”

“I live in like this cabin in the north, it’s pretty chill.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea why he’s in there, so...”

“Are you saying no?”

“I’m not saying, like, yes or no, I don’t really -- I’m not really up to date on the news recently, if I’m being honest.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?”

“Yeah, we’ve been business associates I’d say, in the past, you know. I wouldn’t say I’m like friends with him, honestly -- he’s kinda sus...I’m not gonna lie, it does not surprise me at all that he ended up in a jail, ‘cause that guy -- he’s a little weird sometimes, you know. A little strange...So you know, it’s, eh...it’s up and down.”

- Sam gets to the last question, telling Techno he’s the ultimate authority on the grounds of the prison

Techno: “Oh I love authority, everyone can tell you that.”

- Techno goes to store his belongings in the locker. There’s a bed in an item frame now which he uses to set his spawn. Techno opens up his Ender Chest and stores all of his armor and weapons in it

- Having run out of space in the Ender Chest, Techno puts his remaining items in the locker chest: Potions, gapples, golden carrots, an Ender Chest, Ender Pearls and a stack of stone

Techno: “Well. You know, you seem like a trustworthy man.”

- They go through the security protocol. There’s a new Ender Pearl stasis chamber in the first room that wasn’t there before. Techno zooms in on it before it activates, teleporting Sam in

- Techno’s impressed with the prison’s design. He gets Sam to open the vault door a second time to admire it

- Techno signs the next waivers “sub to techno” as “Technoblade (subscribe to technoblade”

- Techno praises Sam’s creativity with the prison, comparing it to the Butcher Army’s simple execution platform

- The lava wall comes down. Dream isn’t facing them

- Techno walks with the moving platform to the cell. The second Dream sees him, he starts shouting

Techno: “Yo, Dream! Dream, what’s up!”

Dream: “TECHNO NO! NO!”

Techno: “No what?”

Dream: “QUACKITY -- it’s a trap! It’s a trap! Techno--”

Techno: “What about Quackity? Dream, you need to -- I haven’t seen you in a long time, Dream.”

Dream: “(muffled) Techno...He’s been torturing me I gotta -- I didn’t write that note.”

...

Techno: “I’m not gonna lie to you, Dream, I -- I kinda had a feelin’ he was lying, but I kinda had to visit anyways, just to see how you were doing, get to the truth of things, you know? You know? And besides, Quackity’s not even here, man.”

Dream: “...Why did you come?”

Techno: “I wanted to see you! I need to figure out what’s going on here, Dream, and between you and me, I’m an anarchist, so uh -- (looking to Sam) Can he hear me at this volume?”

Dream: “They’re working together...”

Techno: “Who?”

Dream: “Sam and Quackity!”

- Techno asks Dream to tell him everything. Neither the lava wall nor the Netherite barrier have lowered yet

- Techno looks back at Sam, asking how long he has to be in there for

Sam: “I think you could do with a nice long stay with Dream...you’re probably the main threat to uh -- to Dream escaping, aren’t you, ‘cause you know, the two of you have worked together before, and...”

Techno: “I...would never defy authority, alright. I. Love. Authority.”

Sam: “I think we both know that’s probably not true--”

Techno: “Everybody will tell you how much Technoblade loves authority figures.”

- Sam refuses to send the bridge back, saying the two of them will have some catching up to do. He sends the lava wall down

Techno: “Sam, this is NOT DOING MUCH TO CHANGE MY POLITICAL OPINIONS!”

(Dream freaks out in the background)

Techno: “...Alright. Well that was nice.”

- Dream panics. Techno tells him it’s fine, that they’re not out of options

Dream: “I have been in here for six months! What do you mean we’re not out of options, it’s fine -- how?!”

Techno: “Well I mean, maybe you’re out of options, but like I actually have friends now. I know I was kinda like a loser when we first met...”

- He finds the books and quills and tells Dream to write down everything he knows about the prison

Techno: “So...hows it goin’, roommate?”

Dream: (quietly) “Oh my god...”

- Techno seems optimistic about the new experience. Dream tells him he used to have a clock as Techno examines the cell

- Techno tells Dream to get to writing and ends stream

- Ranboo goes back home and is confused by how much the trees have grown. He thinks Phil probably has something to do with it and that he knows something, even though Phil isn’t doing it himself

- He then goes mining

- Quackity does a chill stream on the SMP working on the roads of Las Nevadas while chatting about lore out of character

- He walks down the Prime Path when he gets suddenly jumped by Skeppy and Bad, who attack him together. Quackity threatens to blow up their house

- Captain Puffy joins the fray and stops them

- Quackity offers Puffy and Michael a tour of his country

- He goes eating at McPuffy’s and Michael comes over to give him food as well

- There’s a hostile takeover of McPuffy’s and Bad declares it McSkeppy’s now. Quackity takes the drive-through instead

- Quackity orders a BTS meal and Bad hands him a steak “with extra cruelty”

- He starts walking them all over to his country, asking them what their expectations are (Quackity talking to Bad at this point is non-canonical) Skeppy wants a lot of ducks

- Quackity falls into the Punzo Chunk

- He tells them that his country isn’t even near done, and he’s going to need a lot of cheap labor. Skeppy says it doesn’t sound very enticing, but Quackity says he’ll give him all the ducks he’d want. 

- Michael tells him about his experience with 2b2t

- Quackity shows him the concept of “the house always wins” (a picture of “Finding Doryto”)

- Quackity kills Skeppy and Skeppy logs off. Bad is horrified. Quackity tells Bad it isn’t his fault that Skeppy is dead as Bad buries Skeppy’s dropped things beneath the ground under the Needle

- Quackity shows the remaining people to the gambling machine, teaching them how it works

- Afterwards, he takes them to the strip club and starts stripping at the pole

- He takes Michael into the back, where he tries to mug Michael for his things. But Michael runs out the back door

- Quackity goes back to stripping and offers Bad to go into the back room for a “surprise.” He tries to mug Bad, but Bad goes running out the back door

- He returns to Puffy, defeated, and half-heartedly promises her a surprise in the back room too. Puffy, not at all suspicious, follows him and he tries to mug her. She gives him ink sacs, slabs, Ender Pearls and shears. 

He shows her out the back door

- Afterwards, Quackity takes the three of them to the Tommyinnit Restaurant 

- Then they go to the stage and Quackity puts on a “show” for them...

...Which is more stripping 

- Next up is the hotel. There’s nothing in it, so he takes them to the pool outside. Bad almost drowns

- He wants to show them “something embarrassing,” so he brings them to Tommy and Wilbur’s headquarters

- Quackity then shows them the Eiffel Tower to conclude the country tour and they argue about a trident

- He suggests Michael and Puffy possibly build some structures around Las Nevadas and gathers them at the Needle. He shows Michael the empty plot next to Fundy’s area and says he needs something put there in return for some free spins at the casino. Michael’s down for that

- Quackity tells Puffy and Bad to help Michael build there. Bad asks how much he’s getting paid, and Quackity says he gets free spins at the casino too. Bad and Puffy start arguing again and Quackity leaves, having gained a new worker

- Bad and Puffy continue to argue about the trident 

- Later, Michael builds a statue in Las Nevadas

END OF WEEK RECAP:

5/31 - Wilbur and Tommy visit Las Nevadas

6/1 - Ponk tears down a tower of L’Llamaburg, Tubbo builds an outpost, Techno’s birthday party, Quackity speaks with Foolish about Las Nevadas, Niki finds out about Wilbur’s revival, Bad and Puffy destroy the supreme fridge in an act of war

6/2 - Fundy speedruns self-care, Antfrost confronts Foolish, Bad and Puffy to apologize

6/3 - Nothing much happens.

6/4 - Ponk decides to sue Puffy and Bad, Pubbo

6/5 - Nothing much happens.

6/6 - Techno gets trapped in prison, Quackity tours Bad, Puffy, Skeppy and Michael around Las Nevadas

---

Upcoming Events:

- The final Egg lore stream

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Ponk’s lore stream

- Dream’s lore video

[plus-size-reader]

Bedtime Stories

Digger Harkness x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 2046 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Getting a call from Belle Reve for a reason you would never expect

——————————————————————————————————

You sighed, entering the cold, clinical building again, not even bothering to address anything else other than what you’d come here for. 

Frankly, you weren’t happy about having to be here. 

While you agreed for the benefit of everyone involved, you were sure that if Amanda had only listened to you in the beginning, you wouldn’t be standing here right now. 

She had made the decision to avoid all of your professional advice, including him in her little circus anyway. 

It was wholly unprofessional.

If she had only listened to you at the start of this, none of you would be in this position, having to fret over some unruly inmate or horrific threat. 

You were on sabbatical.

After all the work you’d done at Belle Reve in the time you’d been there, you deserved a break. It was hard work that took a huge toll on someone after years and years of constant exposure, having to process the most psychologically damaged that society had to offer. 

As much as you enjoyed being a psychiatrist, it wasn’t the sort of career that was carefree and easy to do.It took a lot out of you, and some time off was sure to do you some good.

You had been working in Gotham City for years at this point, and you were really good at what you did. 

The least the city owed you was a few weeks off the clock, but of course, that was too much to ask. From the second you opened your eyes this morning, your vacation was already over. 

Your phone was buzzing on the side table by your bed, alerting you to the fact that Colonel Rick Flag was attempting to contact you. It wasn’t altogether strange, as you had spoken in the past, but it wasn’t commonplace either. 

You had only dealt with one another on a few occasions, in the deciding meetings and calls over the so-called Suicide Squad. 

In the early days of discussion and the decision making, they wanted to consult you to make sure it would be safe. 

Which, for the record, you knew that it wasn’t. 

The eclectic group of ‘bad guys’ Amanda Waller had decided on were impossible to control and unpredictable. There would be no way to make sure they wouldn’t go off the rails. 

Though, when it came down to it, there was nothing you could do to stop them even though it was obviously foolish. In the grand scheme of things, you were a shrink, and nothing more.

They didn’t have to listen to you. 

Not that they actually acted as if you were so low on their priorities list, as evidenced by your standing here now. 

“Flag? What is it?” you hummed, not bothering with formalities or meaningless pleasantries. You had always found those sorts of things to be pointless, especially in a place like this. 

Whatever it was he needed from you, it wasn’t small talk or to check in with you. 

Naturally you assumed something terrible had happened, and in Gotham City, that wasn’t too bad a bet to make. 

There was always something on fire. 

...And that wasn’t necessarily wrong today either. 

Flag hadn’t given you a ton of information on the phone before you arrived this morning, but you knew enough to make your guesses. 

What Waller had proposed was more or less releasing a ticking time bomb into the public and while it seemed to have gone off without a hitch at first, you were sure that this had something to do with it. 

It had to. 

The members of the ‘Suicide squad’ were the biggest thing to happen to Belle Reve since it opened, and if they needed to call you back from your break, it was surely about that. 

You weren’t an idiot, even if they sometimes acted as if you were. 

All you could do was hope that whatever it was, you would be able to go back to your nice relaxing leave before too long.

A few hours weren’t going to kill you. 

“Captain Boomerang is acting out, causing problems for the guards, and refuses to eat” he allowed, getting down to the purpose of this meeting just as quickly as you had, confirming what you already knew. 

If it was going to be any one of your patients, you weren’t shocked it was him. 

Digger Harkness had been a patient of yours since you began working here, one you explicitly advised Amanda Waller to avoid recruiting. You knew better than anyone that he didn’t play well with others. 

He was prone to violent outbursts, childish behavior and overall insubordination. All in all, she couldn't have picked a worse adjusted, combative individual. 

Unfortunately for you, you weren’t surprised he would be the one to pull you away from all your rest and relaxation. 

“As I’m sure you’re aware, that’s going to be a problem”  

You were painfully aware. 

While most of the other inmates involved in the foolish adventure Captain Waller manned had been cooperative about their reincarceration, there was nothing they could do to buy his silence. 

More than anything, he wanted his freedom and a coffee machine and some supervised visits wasn’t going to cut it. She’d given him a taste of freedom and you knew that he wasn’t going to adjust well to being back in a cell. 

Really, you didn’t know a single person that would. 

Of course he was acting out. 

What you were less sure of was why they thought you would be able to do anything about it. There was nothing you could say or do that was going to be any different whatever they had already tried. 

“And what do you want me to do? Read him bedtime stories? I seem to recall telling you all to leave him locked up” you huffed, sort of upset that he would ever suggest it. 

You didn’t want to clean up the mess they’d made when you had been telling them from day one that it was a bad idea. However, you knew no matter how much you argued, you’d be doing it anyway. 

There wasn’t anyone else that Digger would listen to, even you understood that. 

“He’s been asking for you since they brought him back” Flag shrugged, not interested in anything more than getting the rest of the higher ups off his back. They had sort of put him in charge of this after everything. 

He treated the inmates as equals, and in general, they acted better under his watchful eye. 

With the ever growing exception of Digger, who Flag still referred to as ‘Captain Boomerang’ something you couldn’t have been more tired of. Something like that would only further feed into his delusions of how important and grand he was. 

Besides, it was incredibly immature. 

“Fine, I’ll talk to him, but no guards. If there are guards, he won’t even talk to me” you suggested, knowing that he wouldn’t dare lay a hand on you. 

No matter how desperate Digger was, you both understood that he’d have no chance of getting out in this lifetime if he killed you. So, it was a safe bet that if they wanted any kind of result, they had to do what you said. 

If they had any other options, they wouldn’t have called you out of your much deserved vacation. Clearly, You were their only hope if they wanted him to stop being such a huge pain in the ass.

“No guards, if you’re sure?” Flag agreed finally, hoping that you would be able to do something about him. 

The man in front of you was already on the verge of putting a bullet through the former’s skull, which wouldn't look good for him. Even if it would be easier than having to listen to him. 

If only it would be as easy for you as just having to decide on whether or not you needed guards. 

Dealing with Digger was never that simple. 

~

The sound was practically deafening as you approached his cell, that constant yelling and cackling you could have done without hearing today. 

He’d gotten bad. 

In the time since you’d last seen him, he was going downhill, no doubt brought on by the small taste of freedom he’d been granted at the hands of Agent Waller. She had given him just enough for him to spiral. 

Which meant that this visit was going to be even more unpredictable than normal. 

“You know you can’t keep me locked up here forever, eventually, I’m gonna get out!” he rambled on, throwing out as many empty threats as he could, as soon as he could think them up. 

It wasn’t like he had anything to lose. 

Though, constantly threatening to break out of a maximum security prison wasn’t necessarily the healthiest coping mechanism he could have chosen.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that” you called, just far enough away from the small slat in the cell door for him to see who it was who’d come to see him, not that he had to see your face to know. 

Digger would have recognized that voice anywhere. 

He hadn’t had the privilege of seeing too many people since his incarceration, and he certainly wasn’t going to forget a face as pretty as yours.

“I didn’t know you were coming to see me today, sweetface” he countered, immediately changing his approach now that he knew you weren’t just some nameless guard coming to spit insults at him. 

That was normally what they did in response to his tantrums. Though, if that was what brought you here, he definitely didn’t regret being such a royal prick about it. 

He’d missed you. 

He hadn’t been expecting a visitor, as Flag assumed this would be handled better as a surprise, but he knew it was you nonetheless. 

You were his favorite shrink, if nothing else, something Digger told you frequently on your weekly visits. It was a pleasant surprise, even just getting to hear you. 

“You didn’t give the guards much choice. Flag here was gonna have you hosed down until you stopped your yammering” you sighed, finally closing the space between where you were standing and his cell door. 

You could only imagine how tired both Flagg and the guards were of the Aussie’s mindless small talk and babbling. 

“Hello Digger” you greeted, looking between him and the armed guard at your side, still heavily debating this whole thing. 

Looking him in the face was different from speaking to him from across the room, where he couldn’t see you. Now, there was no telling how much further he would push this. 

You knew how much Digger liked to flirt with you, tossing compliments and remarks at you like he wasn’t a noted criminal. Every week, he always had some other romantic and likely vulgar thing to tell you.

It was hardly appropriate, given your standing, but it wasn’t as if it could be avoided, especially now. 

You hadn’t seen him in months, and there was no telling what sort of state he was in. 

Though, you knew that If you wanted results, he responded much better to honey than vinegar. 

“There she is. How’re you doing beautiful?” he cooed, once he got a good look at you through the bars of his cell. You looked just as stunning as you had last time he’d seen you, if not better.

Clearly, even the few days you’d gotten away had done you good. 

You ignored him for a moment, turning your attention back to the guard. Whatever it was they thought you’d be able to do to convince Duggar to stop being insufferable, you knew he wasn’t going to talk to you with a guard around. 

It just wasn’t his style. 

“You can go ahead and take a break. I’ll call if I need anything” you decided, you knew Digger well enough to know you weren’t going to get anywhere with the guards supervision. 

This was just going to go much smoother if you didn’t have to worry about anyone else being involved. 

The man looked unsure for a moment before nodding, deciding that ultimately it wasn't his job to babysit you and whatever happened, it wasn’t his problem either. 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 38

  PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: angst, smut (18+), oral (male receiving), handjob, slight innocence kink 

A/N: not me still not fully recovered from the “you wanna see what i can do with leverage” moment. oof, still gets me heated up. anyway, this smut was mostly inspired by my pinterest board showing me this and this which i feel would be something y/n would wear for bucky. enjoy xx 

NEXT CHAPTER

She didn’t know she was running, but she was. She ran off that room before he could catch up to her but through the middle of her thoughts she could hear him yell out for her and run after her. Maybe it was an adrenaline rush, the thought of getting severely hurt or any other thing but she had managed to outrun him, running into the main corridor where everyone was awaiting for the judge to announce the results. As Mr. Hawthorn screaming her name registered in her brain, she rushed to Bucky, taking him by surprise. Out of instinct he wrapped his arms around her, looking down to see her hiding her face in his chest. 

As Bucky started to wonder why she had suddenly appeared and even why she had left in the first place, Mr. Hawthorne made his way down the hall yelling out her name made it all the much clearer. Bucky held her slightly behind his back, hand tightly holding hers as the man made his way to them. Bucky held out his metal arm in front of him, stopping Hawthorne from getting any closer to her. 

     - Give me that phone, Y/N. Now. - he wasn’t yelling, his tone was constant as he starred both Bucky and Y/N down. She moved her phone behind her back, typing while maintaining eye contact with the agency director. - I said ...

      - Back off, man. - Bucky tried to remain calm, he knew having a major fight or even yelling at the man in front of him wouldn’t put him in a good spot. However, he’d be caught dead if he allowed that man to even dare to touch his wife.

      - C’mon, Y/N. You wanna play with leverage? At least step away from your guard dog and confront me or are you already too comfortable with being a housewife? 

      - You wanna see what I can do with leverage? - Bucky pushed him slightly backwards but Y/N stopped him before he could do anything else, squeezing his hand and handing out the man in front of the two of them her phone. Before Bucky could even complain about getting her phone back, Mr. Hawthorne left the two of them in a fast pace. - What the fuck was that? What did he do? Why did you give him your phone? 

      - Trust me, okay? - she cupped his face, leaning her forehead against his when she wasn’t even sure if what she did was going to work. Her eyes darted slightly across the hall, seeing Chuck with the lawyer but quickly returned to Bucky. - I love you. 

      - What’s wrong, princess?  Hm? What did he do to you?

      - I love you too would’ve been nice, Buck. - she teased.

      - You know I love you too that’s not the point. You’re trying to distract me. Don’t shut me out. 

      - I am not shutting you out, Bucky. Nothing happened, it’s fine ... he’s just ... upset at me. 

      - Why is he upset at you? 

      - I ...

      - Mr. Barnes. - the lawyer approached the two of them, interrupting her just  as she was about to start her sentence. - The judge has called everyone in, let’s go. 

      - Has the jury made a decision? - Y/N’s grip on Bucky’s hand tightened and she was almost frozen on the spot as he started to walk to back to the court room, but she didn’t move. 

      - Hey, it’s just us, princess. Just us. - Bucky smiled at her, kissing the top of her head but she could barely register things.

She couldn’t hear anything as the two of them walked to the court room’s door where they were separated again with Sharon, Steve, Sam and Chuck accompanying her to the bench while Bucky took off with the lawyer. She sat down on the harsh, cold wood, her heart beating fast as she tried to read Chuck’s face yet she couldn’t. The jury and judge arrived, and suddenly everyone was on their feet, waiting for whatever decision the jury had taken; however, the jury looked confused, almost puzzled by the fact they were back into the court room. 

      - It has come to my attention that further evidence as been found. As such, bailiff, take the witness Mr. Hawthorne into custody where he will be charged for the harassment and stalking of Y/N Barnes as well as obscuring justice. In the matter of The People vs James Buchanan Barnes, this case is dismissed. Mr. Barnes, you are free to go. 

A few oh my gods erupted into the court room which went into complete frenzy as the bailiff took Mr. Hawthorne into custody who merely stared her down and shouted out in disbelief. She turned over to Chuck who took his phone off his pocket and played the exact same audio which she had played to Hawthorne just a few minutes ago.

     - I could kiss you. - she hugged her friend, a big smile on her face.

     - Please, don’t. I am still largely afraid of your husband, he would crush me like a soda can. Do you want me to die such a painful death? After I had to somehow understand your typo filled text with the worse recorded audio I have heard. Sincerely, Y/N, Bucky would’ve done a better job and he is what? As old as dinosaurs?

     - You’re the best. - she kissed her friends cheek before going over to Bucky who was being swarmed by both his friends that had come to congratulate him, his lawyer and some reporters.

She smiled at him, standing in the back of the crowd and catching his eye despite everyone surrounding him. Bucky couldn’t care less about those people surrounding him, congratulating him and even some complaining that he once again had avoided paying for his mistakes. All she cared was catching her eye in the middle of the crowd, as if a spotlight shone onto her. 

     - I hope you enjoy being being out of a job for 10 years. - Mrs. Olson said as she passed by to probably be with Hawthorne but Y/N didn’t say anything. 

She knew what was on the line but she would throw it away for Bucky. If it came between Bucky being free or her career, she would always pick the first option. However, it didn’t sting any less.  Yet, this was not about her, not today. Today was Bucky’s day. The day where he got rid of the problem that she had brought upon the two of them and while it was now gone, it still occupied a tiny spot of her mind which screamed at her about her own guilt in this whole situation. The flashes were bright and she kept being pulled to the back as more journalists and reporters tried to get some time with the former Winter Soldier but he avoided them, breaking through the crowd to be with the only person he actually wanted to celebrate this with. 

    - What did you do, princess? - he wrapped his arms around her, turning to exit the court room and leave all this experience behind. - And don’t say it wasn’t you, the lawyer told me it was you.

    - He could be lying. 

    - You could’ve gotten hurt. Why didn’t you tell me? 

    - It was just a guess ... I didn’t want to raise your hopes over a guess. I’m sorry. - she leaned her head against his covered arm. - It’s my fault this whole thing happened and I thought if I fixed it, I’d feel better.

    - It’s not your fault this happened. You could’ve gotten hurt, he could’ve hurt you and then what?

   - He was not going to hurt me. - she scratched her neck. She knew it was a lie, everyone is capable of everything in her business. - I had to do something for you. I am ... I am so tired of being weak. 

    - You’re not weak, what are you talking about?

    - Weren’t you in this trial? They talked about you as if you were some cold blooded murderer and me as if I were the weakest person ever. As if I wasn’t standing in that room and hearing to it. If I could defend myself, if I had put my foot down none of this would’ve happened. 

Bucky’s heart broke as he heard her talk, tears pooling in her eyes as what she had been feeling for the past weeks of meeting, court days and witness speeches seemed to finally explode, breaking free from the pressure she had been putting on it so it didn’t show, so she didn’t feel weak. He had never felt weak before, helpless maybe but never weak. Even as the Winter Soldier he could easily overpower his handlers if he wanted to, he could overpower new recruits and pretty much everyone who he was presented with. He’d never felt weak, he’d never know what it was like to feel weak and he had never even considered she felt weak because he just did not see her as weak. She was soft but not weak, she had strength in her softness, in her kindness. She’d done things he couldn’t see himself doing in his mid twenties. 

     - Hey ... - he flushed her close to him, drawing invisible circles on her back and kissing her temple. - Do you wanna get cheesy chips?

     - I need to go say goodbye ...

     - It’s fine. - he combed her hair away from her face to kiss her forehead. - I don’t want you to get caught up in a mess with photographers. 

     - I’m ridiculous. - she cuddled against his side as he led her out the back of the court where he had parked his car. - I should be comforting you, not the other way around.

     - You’re not ridiculous. This was as bad for me as it was for you. - he opened the car door for her. - Besides, I love comforting you. 

     - Really? Because from what I know, you were the one in danger of being in prison for at least 5 years. The only danger for me was trying to get naked during spousal visits. 

     - Aw, princess. You were willing to get naked in prison, for me?

     - You’re ridiculous, Barnes. 

     - So are you, Mrs. Barnes. - he smirked. - You are not weak and you are not ridiculous. Are we clear? 

     - Don’t use your sergeant voice on me.

Bucky chuckled, putting the key onto the engine and turning it on as the car started to roar up. She leaned her head against his shoulder, mindlessly listening to the song on the radio, probably one of Bucky’s favourites. On that moment, she didn’t care her career was on hold for the next 10 years because he was here and he was free like he deserved. As he pulled in front of the chippy shop nearby his flat, she perked her head up to kiss the corner of his mouth. 

    - Can we do takeaway? I wanna go home. - she cuddled against his shoulder once more. 

    - Sure, princess. Stay in the car and I’ll be right back, yeah?

    - Yeah. 

He left the car, loosening his tie as he entered the shop, leaving Y/N in the car. She rose her hand up, looking at the wedding band on her finger. It had barely registered in her that she was married, she of all people. She knew she wasn’t attention’s sweet centre and she knew she definitely did not deserve a guy like Bucky. God, in her wildest dreams she’d never thought she’d even end up with a man as caring and thoughtful as he is. It was almost surreal she’d even gotten married without having to fight her agency, at least too much. Her lips stretched in a smile as her husband came out of the shop, a toothy, childish grin on his lip as he waved the brown paper bag on his way to the car door.

He drove the two of them back to the flat and once they were inside, her shoes were thrown to one side as well as his tie and jacket and the couple made themselves comfortable on the couch. Y/N sat on Bucky’s lap, takeaway on her lap while he held his on his hand with the other searched for something to watch on TV, eventually landing on The Honeymooners.

    - I need to take you on a honeymoon. 

    - I don’t need a honeymoon. 

    - Bullshit. - he held her close by, hearing her giggle through the small digs onto the plastic container. - Where do you wanna go? C’mon, entertain me. 

    - Hm ... - she looked up, nose slightly scrunched. - Italy. 

    - I was stationed in Italy for a while. Nice place, great food. Where about?

    - There’s this movie called Letters to Juliet, it’s in Verona, and I always thought it looked so romantic. 

    - Okay, princess. Whenever you want, I’ll take you to Verona and we will have a nice month long honeymoon. 

    - Month long? 

    - Yeah. If we go any less, we won’t have time to do any sight seeing. 

    - Why is that?

    - Because I do intend to have sex with you in every part of the hotel we stay in. - he kissed the crook of her neck, taking the takeaway container away from her and placing it on the coffee table. - Maybe even try it in those tiny Italian balconies.

    - You just escaped five years of prison and you’re thinking of vouyerism already?

    - You shouldn’t look so pretty, then. - he hooked his finger under her chin and turned her face towards him, giving her a long drawn out kiss. His hand climbed up from her thigh up to her dress, pushing the sleeve down to expose her shoulder. His stubble rubbed against her soft kiss as he laid a kiss on the subtle skin of her shoulder.

   - Mhm, Buck ... - her hand pushed his shoulder back and he immediately pouted. - I have to shower. I smell like the dusty, mouldy court room and I’d like that smell off me. 

    - Mind if I join? - he pulled the sleeve off her other shoulder but she held her dress against her chest before it could fall down. - I can give you a massage.

   - If I allow you with me in the shower, there will be no showering. - she got off his lap, pushing her dress up. - I’ll be back. Try to keep the pouting to the minimum until I’m back. 

   - Just so you know, you’ll need another shower after you’re back. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, before padding into the bathroom, leaving Bucky on his own in the living room shuffling through various channels. The shower on the background was running until it was running for too long, Bucky turned his head around, looking at the door that led to the bathroom.

    - Princess, everything ok? - he prepared to get up and check on her but was. interrupted by her opening the door.

She stood against the door wedge with her typical shyness which made her so endearing to anyone who met her, yet, this time, it was something other than endearment that Bucky was feeling when looking at her. She was dressed in a white corset and knickers with a small floral print and small pink ruffles at the edge of her underwear. The corset was also adorned with a blue ribbon and small blue bow, everything covered in with one of her many short satin robes that she normally used over her pyjamas or over one of Bucky’s shirt which always looked like a dress on her. 

    - Were you wearing that ... - he cleared his throat, trying not to stare at her perky chest. - Were you wearing that today? 

    - No, I bought this one in case you won. - she closed the door of the bathroom behind her, padding barefoot over to the couch, standing in front of him, her robe slightly slipping of her shoulder. - Do you like it? 

    - Fucking hell, princess. - he leaned forward, hands wrapping around her waist to pull her close to him. 

    - It looks silly, doesn’t it? I don’t know, I just thought I’d wear something nice and do so ... - Bucky interrupted her rambling by kissing her, his hands pushing the robe fully off her and throwing it somewhere in the living room. His hands massaged her thighs and upper body until they were cupping her face, kissing her as if he hadn’t seen in her in ages. 

Her hands rest upon his shoulder, lips melded against his in a long, drawn out kiss. She whined as Bucky moved his lips from hers to her jaw and slightly under it, sucking the subtle and sensitive skin he found there. She allowed herself to get lost in the feeling of his slight stubble against her sensitive skin, drawing kisses and leaving hickeys with slightly rough lips. His hands scouted her corset for the square brackets, loosening the garment and pulling it over her head before leaning to kiss her again. She smiled against the kiss, breaking it to look at him which greatly annoyed Bucky, who tried to kiss her again. 

    - No... - she pushed him back against the couch as he tried to kiss her collarbones. Her hands toyed with the fabric of his shirt, fingers trailing up and down his chest. - Let me do something for you.

    - Princess ... - she ignored his pleas and attempts to pull her in and distribute more kisses all over her body.

Instead she climbed off his lap, standing on her knees in front of him, eyes looking up to him with a devious like innocence which was intoxicating to him. Her hands ran up his thighs, nails racking over the fabric of his trousers until they reached his belt. She bite her lip, unbuckling the accessory and tossing it aside before pushing his trousers down along with his underwear. She gripped his cock in her hand, her finger swiping the pre-cum off his tip before he started to move her hand slowly up and down.

    - Oh fuck ... - Bucky groaned, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. She smirked at this reaction, continuing to move her hand up and down in a painfully slow motion. 

Bucky groaned and moaned, head pressed against the headrest of the couch, eyes closed and lips opened. Her confidence grew at the sight of her completely blissed out husband and she stopped her motions. Before Bucky could whine about it, she kitten licked his tip before licking a broad stripe up his cock eliciting a low grumble from him. He looked down at his wife through half closed eyes, locking eye contact with her. Y/N gave him an innocent smile with innocent eyes before taking him in her mouth. Bucky breathed out, high gasp as his hand gripped onto the couch cushions. He moved his hips forward unconsciously, his cock hitting the back of her throat. She breathe through her nose as she bobbed her head up and down his cock slowly, cheeks hollowed out as she made it upon the spot. 

   - Fuck, princess. Fuck, you’re so good, fucking hell. - Bucky breath harshly as she picked up the pace, her movements almost matching up with his breathing tempo until she started to vigorously suck his tip, getting him almost shaking before returning to take him inside her mouth once more. - Fuck, stop. Stop. 

  - Did I do something wrong? - she pushed her hair behind her ears.

  - Come here. - Bucky helped her up and on top of his lap, pushing her underwear down her legs before he did so. She held herself up by holding onto his shoulders, staying slightly taller than him as he holstered her up. 

She looked down as he looked up, his eyes gazing onto hers as he lowered her down onto his hard cock, silencing her whimpers with a consuming kiss. Her skin seemed to flush hot and cold at the same time as he filled her to a halt. Bucky let her accommodate to his size, kissing down from her lips to her collarbones.

    - Fuck, you’re pretty. - he panted, moving to kiss her neck while his hands held her still. - So fucking pretty, princess.

    - Bucky, please ... move. - she hide her head in the space between his shoulder and neck, a hot flush settling in her cheeks. 

    - I’m not gonna ... fuck ... I’m not gonna move if you hide, princess. - he spoke through moans, voice strained due to the grip of her walls around him, pulsating. - Look at me, look at me when I’m fucking you. Let me see your pretty face. 

Y/N whined, moving to look at him as he flushed her chest against his. She probably looked a mess yet had no time to worry about that once he started to push her hips up and down on him, eventually leading her into riding him. Her hand slide from his shoulder to his chest as she bounced on top of him, the sound of skin slapping against each other along with the moans and groans of both of them as they chased their high. She felt her own walls pulsating with each thrust, her lower belly coiling up as she continued to move up and down his cock as if she were going to die if she stopped. She gasped and whined, continuing with her movements as the coil continued to tighten up and her movements sped up. 

   - That’s it, princess. Such a good girl. - he moaned against her ear, silencing some of her moans with messy, wet kisses. - You wanna cum on my cock, hm? I know you want to.

   - Buck ... - her gasp was high as her walls spasmed and her body tensed. The grip on his dick led him over the edge just a few seconds later and he pulled her completely flush against him, feeling him cum fill her up and leak onto both hers and his thighs. She hide her head on the crook of his neck, mewling while she regained her breathe. 

Bucky chuckled through his breathlessness before slipping out of her which caused her to let out a small whine before he laid her down on the couch, arms wrapped around her. 

   - Make that a 3 month long honeymoon. - he cuddled her against his chest. 

   - How much of that will be sex? - she looked up, completely blissed out.

   - You’ll get a week of sightseeing if you keep pulling this on me.  

   - Right. - she rolled her eyes. - I forget that you are old and cannot take this much excitement. 

   - Are you teasing me, Mrs. Barnes?

   - Maybe. - there it was, the little playful smirk he loved so much. 

   - Oh, princess ... - he lifted her up as he got up from the couch, walking towards their bedroom. - You’re gonna regret that. 

taglist: @disasterbi @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @oh-nohoney @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverratedbutgreat @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwrites @bluevxnus @that-girl-named-alex @captnrogers @nsfwsebbie @sarge-barnes-sir @niki-is-a-thing @cynic-spirit @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @buckyswillow​

[listless-brainrot]

Hi! I know you love Haru and I'd love to hear your thoughts on what his personality is like? Not his bending or his ships, but just what kind of person he is. He was super undeveloped in ATLA and I'd love to understand him better and write about him!

hey, i'm glad you asked!! super flattering to have you come to me in regards to this question, and i've analyzed this guy to hell and back over the course of nearly a year now, so i'd be more than happy to give you my characterization of him

granted, it's pretty lengthy, and is heavily based on canon, hence why a lot of it ties to his bending, but i'll try my best to make it so that it's more about haru as a person, rather than his service to the plot

also makes me super happy to hear that people do want to understand and write about him!! that really does mean the world to me particularly, so thank you <3

with all of this in mind, here's a collection of my (pretty lengthy, sorry about that) thoughts:

haru being super undeveloped is actually one of the reasons why i find him so compelling- there’s so much you can do with a character of his caliber because there’s not much canon/supplementary material that can discredit your characterizations. canon, however, does actually supply a characterization of him that i’ve managed to compile and accrue over the course of finding nearly every single little detail i can find pertaining to him. this includes his canon episodes in both book 1 and 3, the videogame he appears in (which is straight up called avatar: the last airbender), and even the silly shorts.

(mild disclaimer, i know full well that the latter two i mentioned are considered non canon, but i like incorporating little bits and pieces of what they have to offer, as i don’t really have any other options. also, the videogames are the only supplementary material where he’s treated as a part of the gaang, so it’s the most personality you’ll ever get.)

i’ll start with main characteristics i try to keep in mind when writing him, and then talk about smaller, more innocuous details that i just find particularly fitting for him.

haru is:

emotionally driven. a lot of his decisions are more driven by emotion, rather than logic. this ties in with his impulsivity and morality. he’s aggravated by his position in the village as the only earthbender left, and this culminates into him still bending discreetly despite the inherent risk. he does this not only for himself, but to preserve the (possibly only) emotional connection he has to his arrested father. this is a similarity he shares with katara, who’s emotionally tied to her mother due to losing her, and haru is the one to understand what that loss really means in this interaction: “this necklace is all i have left of her.” “it’s not enough, is it?” by saying this instead of an apology or some other response, he shows that the feeling of loss she’s experiencing is mutually understood in a way that goes beyond just sympathy. there is nothing that will replace who you’ve lost other than the person themselves, and he understand that more than anyone. it’s also implied that haru doesn’t know if his father is still alive, as no one knows where the prisoners go, but it’s clear that he still holds a sort of hope that he’s somewhere out there, and that keeps him going. it just takes a little bit of outside influence for him to fully believe in that, as well as being reunited with his father again. in general, he’s also pretty receptive of other’s emotions, and is quick to come to their aid.

impulsive. not just impulsive, either- he’s got anger and resentment lying beneath his quiet composure. it’s not as bad as characters such as zuko’s, but it’s still worth mentioning. i’ll mention the impulse part first, though- generally speaking, haru reacts faster than he thinks. upon being spotted practicing his bending by katara, he runs away without pausing to consider the harmful repercussions of being found out (nor followed home). he not only runs away from danger as a first instinct, he also runs towards it in some cases, ironically enough- he’s the first one to notice and immediately run towards the mines once he hears/sees the explosion and suspects that someone’s in trouble. he does this without any prompting by katara, even if the act of actually saving the old man needed some egging on from her in order for him to accomplish. his impulsivity comes to a head in the form of his most dangerous act- him attacking the warden. i’ve already elaborated on that specific interaction here, though i will once again emphasize that haru had absolutely no plans past attacking the warden based on his body language, further fueling the idea that this was just a split second decision, one made on nothing but complete and utter impulse. to bring the anger aspect into this, he’s also unable to hold his tongue and insults the fire nation soldiers and even his town once the former leaves, and his instincts swing wildly between running and fighting on a dime with little in-between.

adaptable. instead of completely shutting down in the face of such a negative situation (and over the course of five years, no less), he brings it upon himself to practice bending, accept his role as man of the house and work in both the shop and on the farm, and other responsibilities that go unmentioned, especially when taking into account that his father is apparently the leader of his village. this is where you could start paralleling him well to sokka, which i have done before, but i will make this more haru-oriented. there is definitely a lot more to be inferred with this particular aspect of him, but i will say that it takes someone of strong will to adapt to the situations presented in his episode, and learning to live with the grim reality of fire nation occupation. to run down what we see again- soldiers freely patrolling the villages, soldiers overtaxing the villagers, soldiers entering wherever they wish unannounced, soldiers stealing away people in the night without much resistance, soldiers forcing villagers to work in the coal mines to gather the coal needed for their ships, and soldiers forcing captured earthbenders to build fire nation ships. this is all off of the top of my head, so i could be missing a lot, but again, seeing haru still be as morally oriented and determined as he is after all of this, it’s pretty impressive and telling of his adaptive capabilities. to take this one step further, he’s also extremely adaptable when it comes to working with others, as in the games he fills his role as a necessary component of the gaang without conflicting sokka or other preexisting roles, and in book 3, he finds his place amongst teo and the duke, taking the most initiative amongst the three.

lonely. a snippet from his personality bio on avatarspirit.net calls him “lonely and brave”, and i think that’s especially fitting for his character. he only had his mom for five whole years after every other earthbender was taken away, and this is without mentioning the ostracization he faced simply being one, given how the fire nation constantly demoralizes his country’s benders and likens them to savages. the village he lives in also appears to be full of old folks, so it’s not very likely that he had friends his age that were even in town, especially if we consider the circumstances of following book 2 episodes with the earth army recruiters. (it’s also unlikely that his friends are alive if they did join the army- take a gander at this line from zuko alone: Gow: Just thought someone ought to tell you, your son's battalion got captured. You boys hear what the Fire Nation did with their last group of Earth Kingdom prisoners? Soldier: Dressed them up in Fire Nation uniforms and put them on the frontline unarmed, way I heard it.  Then they just watched.) furthermore, it’s not likely that haru could’ve left his little village prior to its occupation- the games imply he’d been to omashu previously, but the circumstances of the war make this unlikely, unless he was super young. given his not always pleasant attitude and sullen expression we sometimes see him with, it’s not hard to imagine that the effects of him being so alone without the connections he needs has affected him deeply.

some other things:

-he’s horrible at lying (”they’re crazy! i mean, just look at how they’re dressed” is that really the best excuse you could’ve come up with??). -he doesn’t like keeping his hands/arms still (arms are usually crossed, sometimes gestures as he talks, hands usually balled as if expecting a fight). -he’s pretty outwardly expressive (for someone who’s supposed to be hiding most of the time, he tends to wear his emotions/intentions on his sleeve). -he can’t bite his tongue (especially when it comes to something that goes against his personal beliefs). -he doesn’t know how to react to touch (katara hugging him takes him by surprise both times, and he doesn’t reciprocate often, if anything he reacts stiffly) -he’s particular about his appearance (notably in the games, he makes negative comments about people touching his hair, and there’s also. sokka’s comments in book 3. sigh.) -he’s considered dangerous/sensitive by others (note sokka’s comments in book 1, and katara’s comments in the school time shipping short) -he lives a busy personal life (works both in the family shop and on the family farm, and has probably had to work in the coal mines at some point, though this is speculative) -he’s not above poking/having fun (in the games, he’s not above making fun of sokka and his comments about benders, and jumps at the opportunity to ride the omashu mail chutes) -he’s family oriented (count how many times he talks about his parents, it is many times i assure you, it’s important to note that he’s one of the few atla characters to actually have both parents as well as a decent relationship with them) -he has a tendency to idealize. he talks about his father fighting against the fire nation even when horribly outnumbered. it wouldn’t be surprising if he idealized the ideal of rebellion (which would later bite him given that:) -he’s a part of the first successful earth kingdom rebellion. this is mentioned on the wiki, and is unfortunately not shown in the show. it should’ve been, though. -he’s dramatic. he has an entire cliff he brings katara up to just to be dramatic and spill his sad backstory. he needs to be encouraged to save the old man, but he does it in the most dramatic way possible- he really didn’t have to stop the entire avalanche AND push it back into the mines. drama king. -he is very lucky. this can apply to anyone who encounters the gaang, but honestly, given his personality and a few things i’ve mentioned above, it’s a miracle that he’d survived as long as he did without detection nor suspicion. -he’s creative. (this one is much more speculative, but he does create huge statues of katara and ty lee pretty quickly, maybe he’s done similar things before)

to summarize: he’s a lonely impulsive idealist who isn’t afraid to throw hands if necessary and is also very attached to his dad <3 his connection to his dad makes up at least 75% of his personality

[neesieiumz]

PAIN - Chapter 1 {Shouta Aizawa x Reader}

Story summary:  You’ve been away for so long, for over thirteen years. As soon as you graduated, without saying by to the man you like and your best friend, you left. Not even leaving  a note, Aizawa and Yamada had to hear from your female best friend, Nemuri that you were going to join the I.H.A.C, the International Hero Agency Commission. You became the best hero there, saving so many people with tactical precision, but you’re always overworked yourself, to the point where you’ve dropped and fainted while walking to your office. Concerned for you, your boss called your old principal, who’s been looking for a new teacher to teach about stealth and rescue operations. Deciding to send you, even though you’ve adamantly refused, you’re finally coming home... a place you abandoned a long time ago.

Chapter summary: You were with your teammates, discussing how to write up a report, this were the worst part of your job. That’s when you’re called to your Unit Chief’s office, the man who represents your team with the Higher Ups. What does he need, and who do you see again?

A/n: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! This is the second gift I have for everyone! Keep in mind that I have not started the second chapter but I’ll see if I can get it out before the end of the year... but I can’t promise that...In the prologue/ sneak peek, I had your female best friend be Mirko, but I changed it to Midnight, because she was the only one who went to school with Aizawa and Mic. I wrote this in three days and took one to edit. So enjoy this first chapter and hopefully there will be more to come!

Word Count: 4.2k

Chapter 1 - A Decision of a Lifetime

You were sitting at a table, in the conference room with your teammates, discussing how the report should be split up. Who should take cultural impact, how the people reacted, the steps we took to bring stability and what not. You were currently arguing with one of your male teammates, someone who you’ve but heads with before. This was nothing new. 

“I’m telling you, I should take this part, I was there during the Rancin incident. I saw everything that happened!” Your teammate, Chad Barrymore, argued, slamming the papers on the desk. 

You rolled your eyes, “but who’s the one who actually solved it? Oh right, it was me!” 

The rest of your team was sitting around, some looking at their phones, some already starting on their assigned part of the report. One of your teammates even took this opportunity to catch up on some sleep. 

“Chad, who was assigned leader of this team?” You questioned, already knowing the answer.

He groaned and rolled his eyes, “you were,” he mumbled under his breath. 

You smiled and assorted the papers in front of you back into the file you had. 

“That’s right, me, Y/n L/n, not Chad Barrymore. Alright? You’re the best at the budget report and justifying why we used over 200,000 american dollars over our budget,” You smile sheepishly at him making him glare at you before snatching up the papers and putting them in his own file. 

“Fine, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it,” he grumbled, making you shake your head and roll your eyes. 

“Who actually enjoys doing the reports?” You questioned, mostly  to yourself. 

“I do!” Your teammate, Mariposa, popped her head from ehr laptop where she had already started her part of the report. 

You shook your head and laughed with the rest of your teammates, “Mariposa, you are one in a kind.”

“Y/n L/n, You’re needed in Agent Prowess’ office, Agent Y/n L/n, you are needed in Agent Prowess’s office at this instant…” The announcement went off, making you groan and plant your head face down on the table where you and your teammates were sitting. 

“Uh-oh, someone’s in trouble,” One of your teammates, Michelle LaRue, teased, poking you in your back. 

You swatted her hand away from your body and slowly lifted your head up and looked around,

 “Why me,” you groaned, slowly getting up for your seat. 

“Maybe you’re finally getting that promotion, you’re literally the youngest here but you’ve been here for over thirteen years, the longest out of anyone here. it’s time for you to finally get paid your dues!” Another teammate of yours, Ian Adewanju, exclaimed. 

His words made you burn red with embarrassment, reminding you of the fact you are 31, you are the youngest one on the team yet you’re the one who's been here the longest. You shook your thoughts out of your head before turning around and heading out the door to go to your Unit Chief’s offices. You had just gotten back from a sting operation in Aprain, helping their forces uncover a huge child position ring. There were villains with very strong quirks, and that country's heroes were outnumbered by the ring’s villains so they had called us. My team especially to help narrow down who was the leader and how they should go about freeing all the children they trafficked. We were given temporary hero licenses and stayed there for about a year, being those countries’ heroes until they were able to get a stable enforcement system in place. After that, we come back to base, on an independent island, where we stay for 4-6 months until our next mission. 

And there’s always another mission. 

You reached Agent Prowess’s office and knocked on the door a couple of times. You waited for a response before you could enter. 

“Come in, Agent L/n,” You heard his muffled voice call out. 

You opened the door and immediately closed behind and stood guard, standing up straight and placing your hands behind your back. 

“Agent Prowess.” You greeted, looking at the wall behind him. 

You didn’t see the person who was sitting on one of the couches, wasn’t your concern yet. Probably someone who just wanted to meet you in person. 

You heard a couple of paper shuffling around, “at ease Agent, I want to introduce or rather, reintroduce an old face from your past.” 

Your face twisted a bit in confusion, you stopped looking ahead at the wall and looked at your unit chief. You then noticed a white blur sitting on the couch in front of your boss’s desk. You got a closer look. And then you froze. 

It couldn’t be…

But it was, it was your old principal from U.A. What the heck was he doing here? What would the Principal of one the best hero schools in Japan, top two and some say they aint number two. You tried not to show your surprise in your face but you knew Principal Nezu knew you better than that, but he said nothing as he continued to sip the complimentary tea that Prowess always offers to his guests. 

“You remember Principal Nezu, don’t you Agent L/n?” 

You took a deep breath and nodded, not saying a word. You could hear the clanking of fine china hitting the table before hearing a throat being cleared. 

“It’s good to see you again, Ms. L/n, it’s been over a decade since I last saw you. At your graduation, I believe.”

Before you could stop yourself, you mumbled “It was the last time anyone saw me.” 

Prowess’s throat cleared and you closed your mouth quickly and lowered your head. You could hear a hum come from Nezu. You tried to ignore it as you waited for Prowess’ instructions. 

“L/n, I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m worried,” Prowess started, making your head shoot up in confusion. 

Worried? What is he talking about? You were confused, did you do something? Was something in your reports wrong, did someone complain about your behavior recently that you weren’t checking in within yourself? You doubt Prowess would have let you walk around with so many complaints about your behavior without telling you about it or having consequences laid out. Your mind raced through all the possibilities that could have happened. 

“Agent L/n, we can hear your mind racing 5 miles a minute. Calm down, nothing happened concerning your work ethic. You’re a good agent here and a good hero as well,” he started to explain. 

He gestured for you to take a seat on the couch in front of the one Principal Nezu was sitting on, you glanced at him and your boss before slowly walking over to the couch and slowly sitting down on it. 

“As you know, you were recruited from a hero course school, which is very rare as you were recommended to us by one of my peers. You came here straight from graduation and have never let up. You’ve been here since you were 18, barely even an adult in the world. You were one of the top students in U.A, who had the potential to be something great, but you came here, a place where you’d never get fully recognized for your accomplishments.”

You sighed and leaned back into the couch, wondering where this conversation was going. This was information you already knew, things that you lived. You remember when you got the recommendation, the talk with Principal Nezu and your homeroom teacher. When they were talking about your options with your older cousins.

“Prowess, I’m not understanding, why are you telling me this?” You couldn’t help but ask him. 

You still weren’t understanding why you were here with your old principal in front of your new boss. You looked in front of you to find a poured cup of tea right front of you. You glanced up at Nezu who simply looked at you with a smile. You scoffed before grabbing the teacup and taking a sip. 

Chamomile, with honey, nice…

“You were one of the youngest recruits here, and out of your training class, you’re one of the only ones who’s still here. This job weighs on people and a lot can’t take it after a while.”

“But you’re still here,” you interrupted his spill. 

“I came here after being a hero in America for over 10 years, the high rise lifestyle wasn’t for me. Most of the recruits we got were sidekicks that needed a place to go, heroes who still wanted to make a difference even if they couldn’t work anymore. You were different.” He noted, opening a file, your file you assumed. 

“You immediately came from the hero course in U.A, you had some of the best offers one could have ever have been given, even a sidekick offer from the current #2 Hero in Japan, am I correct?” 

You sighed and nodded, turning your head to look at him as you finished the tea. Prowess gave of a soft chuckle before continuing to flip through your file. 

“You decide to come here, out of all places. An isolated island, away from everyone with limited english skills as well… I questioned it, my superiors questioned it, but you were one of the best, if not the best we’ve ever seen. We couldn’t give up a gem like you, because you decided to come here… but we should have let you go sooner.”

You froze, mid-way of putting your cup down on the table, and slowly turned your head to look at him. He was staring at you with concern, a look you hated seeing with him but was a regular occurrence with you. 

“Last week, before you came back to base. You were admitted into the hospital for extreme exhaustion, for the 16th time. Your teammates were concerned about you. I’m concerned about you, and I should have put my foot down about your own well-being.” He said, leaning back in his chair.

“I didn’t because we were getting an amazing track record, your team was being asked for specifically. You have been overworking yourself, not recently but for the last 13 years,” You rolled your eyes he said that but he caught it, “don’t roll your eyes, you know it’s true. You’ve been overcompensating for over 13 years.”

“I don’t know what you were running from but it was obviously too much for you to stay in Japan but now I want you to do something for me. Principal Nezu is in need of a teacher, a teacher that can teach aspiring heroes about stealth and rescue operations. And I know that you were the perfect person for the job, you are the perfect person for the job…”

Your anger roared through before you could stop it, the cup in your hand was crushed by a cloud that you summoned on accident. 

“Deep breaths, Ms. L/n. Take deep breaths, we’ve had issues with your anger before…” You heard Principal Nezu say in Japanese, hearing the language you once spoke all the time. 

You felt your hands shake as you took deep breaths and leaned back into the couch. You placed your head in your hands to stop the shaking but that just triggered your legs to start moving up and down in its stead. Your face felt wet, you licked the side of your face and tasted the familiar salty liquid. Tears. 

“So what,” you garbled out, “you’re forcing me into retirement to go and teach some snot-faced brats?”

“I’m making an executive decision to let you go before you destroy yourself, Y/n… I’ve always seen you as someone I need to look out for, even if you were the most capable at your job… you were never the best at taking care of yourself.”

“I didn’t have an excuse of how to get you out but until Principal Nezu here asked for someone here to be a teacher at U.A… I knew it had to be you,” He finalized, closing your file before handing it to Nezu. 

You said nothing as the exchange of papers went on. You were sinking back into your thoughts. 

So that’s it huh? After 13 years of giving your life to help people, helping people off the grid. And now I’m being sent back to the place I ran away from. Run away from everything that’s haunted me for most of your life huh…?

“L/n,” he called out. 

You slowly turned your head to look at Prowess, who was handing you some papers. Your retirement papers were in his hands. You sighed before reaching over to grab them from his hands. 

“I know you’re mad at me, but trust me on this… It’s time to let you go off this job and find something else, something else that makes you happy and not want to overwork yourself to death. It may not be teaching, but it’s definitely not here.”

You looked at him with low eyes before getting up and walking towards the door, not waiting for his permission to leave his office. 

“Ms. L/n, I know this isn’t ideal, but know that you are the best person for this job… just trust me on this…”

You sighed at Principal Nezu’s words, and turned your head slightly to look at him. 

“We’ll see about that, Principal Nezu…”

                                                           ---

You didn’t return to your teammates after that, heading straight to your room.  You laid on your bed, papers discarded somewhere on your desk. You held your pillow in your arms, staring into the nothingness that is your ceiling. You didn’t have much belongings, mostly souvenirs from the countries you were assigned to. Your walls are white and blank, the only thing you brought from Japan was a picture frame, a picture of before everything went wrong for you. 

A knock came at your door. You lifted your head and turned it towards the door but didn't get up to answer it. You wanted to be alone, you weren't ready to face anyone, especially your team. 

“Hey Y/n, we… we heard about what happened. Where Prowess is sending you…” You heard the voice of Blake, one of four females on the team, called out. 

“Y/n, I’m gonna be honest with you, I had a hand in your transfer… I just didn’t realize he was turning it into a chance to force you to retire… that you weren’t coming back at all… that we were losing our leader for good…”

You laid back down on the bed as you registered her words. She had a hand in this? She’s the reason I have to leave? 

“I know that isn’t what you want to hear but I’ve been here right beside you, I came here after 7 years you were here and I saw so much pain behind those eyes… you reminded me of myself when I was a hero in France… constantly throwing yourself into work,” she started to explain, making you sit up on the bed.

“Although with me, it made me lose everyone that I love. All for fame and glory, while you threw yourself in work for different reasons. You threw yourself to forget who you once were, and everything you knew about your past. Babes, I’m scared for you and I know it’s time for you to get away from this place, you’ve been in these walls for 13 years… don’t you think that’s enough?”

Once again, you could feel your anger rushing right through you. They don’t… they don’t understand what you’ve been through… they don’t understand what’s waiting for you back in Japan… you had to get away and you had to stay away from Japan, it doesn’t matter… it doesn’t matter, he can’t… he couldn’t find you here… he couldn’t find you here, he couldn’t track you down here…

“But I also know you, and so does Prowess, you’re running… that's why you never took the opportunities to go home and see your family… and that’s okay, you don't have to see them.. You don’t have to see them, but you need to get away from this desolate place.”

You threw your pillow on your bed before flopping back and laying on it. You looked over at your night table and saw two picture frames sitting on it. The one you had brought when you first arrived here, and a recent one, from a couple of years ago when you were on an island country, helping them out until they also had a stable hero system. You were with the locals and they were throwing you a goodbye party. You were smiling, holding a child of a family you had gotten close to… the first time in a while you were happy with yourself. 

You took a deep breath before turning around on your other side. You just wanted to go to sleep and pretend that you weren’t actually leaving, that you weren’t being forced to go to Japan. You could hear Blake walking away.

                                                           ---

[This conversation is in Japanese]

The air was cold, and tasted like salt water from the surrounding ocean. After Blake came to your door, you couldn't fall asleep, your head spinning after all the information that came at you at once. You grabbed a blanket, a random bottle of alcohol you had lying around and a glass before coming to the one place where you could feel like you could breath. You were on the rooftops, watching the sun go down and sipping on a glass of some kind of spicy alcohol, you honestly didn’t look at the bottle. 

“I thought you would be here, Ms. L/n.” A voice called out behind you. 

You didn’t bother to look back at who it was, there were only so many people who spoke Japanese here and none of them were on your team or weren’t even close to you. 

“Should have known that you would find out where I am,” you mumbled under your breath, downing the rest of your drink. 

You could hear him walk towards you before stopping right beside you and looking out into the horizon with you. Together the two of you watched the sun lower together. You pulled the blanket closer as you felt more chills throughout your body. 

“So then you should also know I have an idea of why you're running. You can’t hide much from me, Ms. L/n,” he added. 

You sighed, using your hand that held the glass as support for your head. You could feel a headache coming, making you groan out loud. Using your free hand, you moved your head around until you could feel and hear your neck crack. You felt a pressure at your shoulder, and you looked over to find a water bottle and a couple of pills  being handed to you. You glanced at Nezu who was still looking at the horizon before looking back down at the bottle. Sighing, you took the pills and water bottle. You threw the pills in your mouth and ripped open the cap and downed the entire bottle in ten seconds. 

“You’ll be safe at UA, I hope you know that, we’ve introduced a dorm system including one for teachers. I promise you.”

“Not as safe as I am here,” you scoffed. 

You looked away from the sunset, placing your arm down and using it to support you from behind. 

“How do you know that?” Nezu questioned. 

You said nothing, which answered Nezu’s question. You could feel him turn around and start to walk away. 

“Your plane will be here in two weeks, use that time to say your goodbyes and figure out your lesson plans and learn about your students. I would pay particular attention to the incoming class of 2A.”

You scoffed, 2A huh?

                                                          ---

“AND IN FIRST PLACE, IS Y/N L/N!! One of the most strongest quirks I’ve ever seen in a first year, there’s nobody to match her in battle formations and strategies, even when faced with a difficult quirk, she found a way out and was easily able to snag that FIRST PLACE TITLE!!” The announcer yelled out as the crowd cheered on. 

In the center of the stadium was the stage, where the winners were being honored in front of everyone and in the center was you, Y/n L/n, with the biggest smirk on her face. Hair in a large afro puff, with a purple bandana. You were tired but you were happy, you had fought and trained hard for a long time for this. This first step to creating the path to becoming one of the best female pro-heroes Japan and this world has ever seen. You looked at the rest of your peers as they cheered you on and gongradualted you on winning the U.A Sports Festival. You looked to your left and saw a close friend of yours, Oboro giving you a thumbs up. You winked and gave him one back, mouthing “good job” to him.

“Y/N!!! OBORO!!!” A loud, familiar voice called out to you. 

You looked at where the voice came from and saw Yamada, your closest friend Nemuri Kayama, and him, Shota waving at you, although he wasn't waving but he was staring at you. You gave him a soft smile while you felt your cheeks burn before turning to Principal Nezu who was offering you the gold medal. You bent down, low enough for him to put the medal on you. Once you stood up, you lifted the medal slightly to get a good look at it. 

First place felt so good…

The ceremony ended and soon enough, you were getting ready to go home to show your family what you got, what you had won, even though you knew they were all watching you. You were tired and just wanted to get on the first train to your home when you heard Yamada call out to you again. You flinched at the loud noise, his quirk was called “Voice” after all. You turned around to find him, Kayama, Shirakumo, and Aizawa all walking towards you. You smiled tiredly and flipped your bookbag on your back. 

“Hey guys…” you greeted sofly, “what’s up?”

They all stopped in front of you, all ready to go home as well. 

“For someone who won first place as a first year, you look like pure shit,” Aizawa said bluntly.

You rolled your eyes, “I’m just tired, over using your quirk will do that. I know my parents will have a whole party waiting for me when I get home.” 

“Well, let’s walk to the train together, I’m sure we’ll be able to get you out of your tired mood by the time we get to your stop!” Shirakumo said, turning towards the door. 

You glanced over at Kayama who was looking at Shirakumo with heart eyes, you walked up to her and nudged her with your elbow. This made her snap out of her heart eyes and look at you, you look abc at her with a knowing smirk. 

“Shut up,” she mumbled, making you laugh out loud. 

The both of you followed the three boys out of the room and out of the school. All five of you walked to the train station, Yamada having to take a different train because he lives in the opposite direction of the four of you. You waved goodbye to him as he waited for his train and the four of you got on the one waiting for you. You all got on and immediately found seats, well for you and Nemuri, Shouta and Oboro had to stand at the poles in front of you. As you were riding on the train, Kayama got a call on her cell, possibly from her mom. She groaned and answered it, but the call wasn’t long. You could hear her voice start to rise and even could hear her mom’s start to rise. They argued for a while and then she quickly ended the call and turned to look at you. 

She gave you the same puppy eyes she always gives you before she asks you the same question she always asked you before. You exhaled and looked away smiling. Shouta looked at the both of you before rolling his eyes, making you reach over and pinched him in the stomach. He grunted and wacked your hand away from him, making you smile at him before poking him and leaning back into the bench. 

“Yes, you can spend the night, you know my mom doesn’t care,” you laughed , pushing her softly. 

“Thank you L/n, I can’t deal with her tonight! You know she got a new boyfriend and he honestly creeps me out,” she groaned as she remembered interactions with her mom’s new boyfriend. 

“You’re welcome,” you giggled, giving her a one armed hug. 

“Aww, group hug!” Oboro shouted, pulling down Shouta with one arm and pulling Nemuri and you into a big group hug. 

“Oboro, fuck- warn somebody please!” Shouta complained, but was ignored by said man who just pulled him closer to all of us. 

We all laughed at his pain, who just made a grunt-like noise but made no movement to wiggle out of the group hug. 

“Yamada would be jealous,” Nemuri said, as we all separated from the hug. 

You looked out the window and smiled softly… you were so happy...

[naerwenia]

No Kisses on the Mouth (Part 1 of 2)

Pairing: Grand Moff Tarkin/Reader

Summary: Tarkin gives you a second chance after it is found out you have been seen with known rebels. Few years later, you a working under Director Krennic at Imperial Advance Weapon Development, and one night Grand Moff Tarkin wants a personal debrief on your progress.

Tags/warnings: NSFW 18+, smut, bdsm, dom!Tarkin, sub!reader, afab!reader, spanking with a belt and hand, part 1, self-insert

A/N: Oh god, what have I done... This was inspired by a session in our SW RPG campaign, where my character had to think if she would take the opportunity to go back to be just a medic, to be forgiven for her anarchistic deeds. Also inspired by my own adventures as a pet, and the music of Spiritual Front and Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio. I was supposed to write smut, but it took over 2000 words to get to even a hint of eroticism. I split this into two, so I can post this now and get back to figuring out how to write smut. Also on Ao3

“Look around you, there is no one here, just you and me. Don’t you want to just move on, and fulfil your promise?” he said, looking down on you, making sure you knew you were beneath him, yet comfortable in the chair he had shown to you. Talent was hard to come by, and keeping passion alive in the military environment was hard, yet Tarkin and you shared something, a drive maybe, in your respective fields. And now you were there, in front of him, afraid to ask forgiveness or leniency, as he had summoned you there before any of the information the Imperial Security Bureau had gathered found their way to other ears in the Empire, or even the Imperial Star Destroyer you were stationed at. In ordinary situations, Tarkin would not have hesitated to act, but there was something, maybe an aspect of your character that suggested he might be able to wrap you in strings with ease and play politics through you at some point in the future. So he offered his hand, an open offer that may include as much or as little as he said, because the other option was being at the mercy of ISB.

“Yes, Grand Admiral,” you replied and, with some fear in your movement, you took his hand. It was a firm and surprisingly warm handshake, which reminded you to move your gaze to meet his, blushing for forgetting that again. It was embarrassing, but he seemed to not be offended by your mistake, or maybe it was refreshing to not have to reprimand a young officer with a cocky gaze and ego larger than Coruscant. You, on the other hand, just wanted to do your job, create something with your hands, something to make the world better, or even just make someone’s life better. Design jewelry, facilities, architecture, maybe get to make more accessible designs for the Empire. The only way to that was through a handshake with Tarkin and submitting to be his pawn. 

-----

There weren’t many secluded spaces in Coruscant, but you had one in mind. It was not really one where you could be alone for sure, but it was a bit out of the way and up a stairway that was rarely the best way to offices on the ship, so you pushed past a few office workers to get there. It was not as quiet as your apartment, but at least no one could find you there, at least not as quickly as if you were just crying in your room. Yet, you wanted to be found, to be comforted, not right now but exactly at this moment. You were strong enough to take care of yourself, and crying over some words from the Director was just embarrassing. He was someone you looked up to, someone whose works inspired you, and his critique of your work was harsh, not like it wasn’t unearned, but it hurt, it made you feel useless, and running away was the only thing you knew at that moment. 

Stopping around a corner, just a few steps away from a walkway used by the patrolling officers, you slumped to the street, but to the ground, not caring if the skirt was ruined. This was just another day at the Director’s design department for his vanity project, and this was not the first piece of clothing it had claimed, but definitely the first that was messed by you. 

The air of Coruscant was brisk for once, the evening was young and getting colder, and the lights danced in your vision, bleeding into each other in the skyline. Different shades of yellow, red, and orange, and other colours of the rainbow accenting them, the skyline was different once again. Maybe it wasn’t, maybe you just felt like it, but the feeling wasn’t anything new. No matter how long you spent at a place, you failed to find your place. Like there was a barrier that prevented you from crossing over to other people’s lives, failing to live like others. So here you were, looking at a city that held as many secrets as you, viewing it like a theatre stage, something you wanted to believe to be real, yet not, so you have to remind yourself to believe the façade, that it is not just a painting, a stage, and that you are a person sitting in the shadows of Coruscant’s administrative district. Some days it felt like you were more part of the shadows than flesh, and today was one of those days.

The com beeped, someone was trying to reach you. As much as you’d like to just leave it, it might be work-related, and you didn’t want any more tears from there. 

“Imperial Military Department of Advanced Weapons Research’s director’s assistant’s...'' you answered the call, but were cut off, thankfully, not having to recite your full title and workplace. There was only a minor hesitation, yet enough for Tarkin to notice, but he kept his words under too much control for someone like you to notice, but you knew. It was obvious and very much like him to notice and note small things like that so he could use them to his advantage in the future.

“We should meet,” Tarkin’s voice was matter of fact, cool but not cold, and almost demanding but not unreasonable. He knew what he wanted, you had it, and you had to meet him to answer those demands. This sudden call made you smile, a sweet, pleased smile that someone like Grand Moff would want to meet you, and you had no reason to refuse.

“Certainly, sir. Should we…” you started, yet were cut off by him. Not rudely, not even suddenly, just noting he would rather have things his way than waste his precious time with meaningless chit-chat, and that made you happy, having someone to tell you what they needed from you, so you didn’t have to disappoint them by trying to guess what they actually meant with their words.

“Your apartment, tonight. I will meet you there in an hour,” Tarkin stated clearly, and with another “Yes sir” from you, the conversation was over.

The mix of emotions was both delightfully ironic as tears dropped down your cheeks, but there was a warm feeling in the chest under a heavy weight and the warmth, with Grand Moff’s words ringing in your head, made you smile through the hurt. With a sweep of your hand, you dried your tears with your sleeve, smudging the mascara on your face and the sleeve of your jacket.

Since he had said it would take him an hour to meet you at your place, you decided to walk the way there, spending around 30 minutes navigating the streets of Coruscant. The streets offered a variety of sounds, loud and intimidating, but this was one of those days you needed sounds to remind you of where you were, and the slight exercise helped to ground you to the moment, to your body. All that was thrown away as you opened the door to find Tarkin sitting in your living room. A small squeak left your lips, but her own hand on her lips silenced any other noise she might have made, and with a long breath and sigh she tried to calm her pulse. 

“I’m sorry, sir, your presence surprised me,” you said, turning away for a moment to close the door, “Would you like some Corellian whiskey, maybe tea from Felucia?”.

“Whiskey is fine. You might want one for yourself too,” he said, “There are things I want to discuss first hand with you rather than trust these… rumors”.

A surprised look over your shoulder met the Moff’s blue eyes. Certainly there wasn’t anything you had done that would merit rumours, but what others found interesting to talk about wasn’t something that ever made sense. It already felt like the Director had pitted others against you, yet found time to give you kind gestures when no one was looking. He was more than harsh with his words when others were looking, but in the end it seemed like some of your more out there ideas were incorporated to the designs. The whiskey’s smell and drip on your finger made you quickly realize you had poured more than enough in one glass and had to pour from that glass to the other. You could drink the whole glass, might even that night, but Grand Moff would frown upon it, and his disapproval would not be something you could handle at the moment. So you took the glasses, one in each hand, and gave one to Tarkin with a kind smile, only to be met with his unreadable expression. No matter how you smiled to him, he never returned even a twitch of a lip, but it didn’t matter, the fact he had found his way here to share a drink with you was more than enough to send your heart fluttering.

As you sat down, Grand Moff began his questioning that felt like an interrogation if you didn’t know him better. “What have you told Krennic? Or your coworkers?” Grand Moff asked, narrowing his eyes as he studied your expressions. A sigh left your lips.

“Nothing. Just what you told me: I’m a design engineer, was recruited by the COMPNOR and transferred to ISB so I could be more useful to Empire with my technical knowledge, but I’m more interested in the designing process. So now I’m designing Krennic’s pet project, a death laser in the sky,” you answered. You wanted to ask about the rumours, but you knew better than to ask, he would tell you when or if you needed to know. 

“Nothing else? To anyone, not even a friend?” he inquired.

“No, I… Don’t really spend time with any of them, I’ve only exchanged a few words with Director Krennic after hours. Nothing other than work related, except with Krennic the other day,” you said, and the small space where you drew a breath was more than enough to make Tarkin think you had something to hide, but you knew better than to try hiding anything from him.

“A conversation with Krennic? And you are certain you didn’t say anything that might catch his interest?” Tarkin asked, with a raise of his eyebrow.

“No, he just wanted to ask how I was managing my new position, and why I was staying for so long after hours. All I said I was fine, I had nothing better to do so I finished the design, he seemed to like it. He said he appreciated my enthusiasm and how clean my designs were,” you said, and a warm, happy smile grew on your face, heating your cheeks. Tarkin put his glass on a table and stood up, taking very deliberate steps toward you, so you put your glass away and stood up, just in case he needed something from you. Your heart stopped, skipped a few beats, as Tarkin pushed you to the wall, gripping your shoulders and keeping you an arms length away. The suddenness of the motion and pain of hitting the wall while strong fingers dug into your flesh finally made you look into his eyes, looking for an answer for the change in him. His eyes now a few shades darker in the shadows, his lips dry and breath hot, and with an expression of furious disappointment, he puts two fingers, long and warm, of his right hand under your chin to keep your eyes on him. 

“You do as I tell you, always?” he asked.

“Always, sir,” you answered.

“Then take off your shirt,” he whispered before taking a step back so he could see you fully. A shiver of cold went through your body, but you complied. As your hands began opening the buttons, quietly trembling in fear, Tarkin licked his dry lips and let his eyes wander over your body, letting his mind memorise the patterns of your curves. Though his hand was no longer under your chin, you tried to keep your eyes up, trying to meet his gaze and follow his silent command. Shirt open, you throw it on the floor, and Tarkin immediately commands you to take off your skirt. With a small flick from your wrist, you open the zipper and let your skirt fall to the floor. The mock garter wasn’t something Grand Moff had expected, but the red suited you well and it left your bottom nicely exposed, only panties left to guard your cunt.

“To the bed, now, on your hands and knees,” Grand Moff ordered, and you obeyed. As you walked to the bedroom, he followed in your footsteps. You could hear him open his belt buckle. It let out an audible cling as he pulled it through the loops and folded it, a sharp snap as he felt it in his hands. As you assume your position, he slapped your bottom with his bare hand once, then twice, and grabbed the bottom. He wanted to go on, wanted to feel your body, taste and devour you, but he had to control the situation, he wanted to control every aspect of this encounter. With a word he could make you cum, make you please him in a way he had not felt before, he would make you scream in pain and pleasure, he would torture you in all the ways that made you wet, and he would make you like every second of it. The rules were simple and lax: No kisses on the mouth, and no lasting scars. There was no love in his desires, but the jealousy that he felt when he had found out Krennic had asked about you from ISB, seeming like you had caught his eye and he wanted to get close to you. The smile you gave when talking about Krennic made Tarkin feel something different, something he needed to let out, and now he could, with the leather belt on your bottom. Slap, flick, smack, slap, few seconds of silence, slap, smack. He let out a heavy sigh, letting you rest for a moment there, in front of him holding back tears and trying to adjust to the sudden pain. It wasn’t unexpected, just harder than before, and your hands gripped the bed sheets, knuckles almost as white as the sheet itself. 

“You may moan for me,” Tarkin instructed before letting his hand grab the cheeks of your bottoms, gently giving it a spank with the palm of his hand. A moan, needy and pained, left your lips, and was answered with a twitch in his lips, like a smile, but there was no one to see it, at least at that moment.

[bumirang]

Turtle, Duck, Dragon, Horse: Ch. 8 excerpt

It’s a chilly afternoon when Bumi sits in on Hana’s worst training session since she arrived at Air Temple Island.

Under Jinora’s supervision, she and six other novitiates were walking the circle in a coordinated effort to create a sphere of solid wind nearly twice her height. Intimidating, but she’d managed it before. She actually wasn’t doing too terribly, until she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye. Maybe it was excitement or performance anxiety or just the distraction, but that’s when it all went wrong. She immediately fell out of step with the others, but the more she tried to correct for it, the more unstable their formation became, until the sphere was a roiling squall-ball they were struggling just to contain.

Master Jinora stepped forward and summoned a gust with thought alone. “That’s, uh, impressive, but if you’ll slow down and back away, I can safely disper—”

Then it exploded, with a roar like a thunderclap in reverse. Thankfully, they were shielded from the worst of it by a barrier whipped up by their teacher, but it was a close thing.

Hana’s ears are still ringing when she makes in Bumi’s direction, ignoring the accusatory glances from her fellow novitiates. It’s obvious to all of them who messed things up, but they can’t prove anything, so whatever. Bumi, in contrast, just waves happily, absentmindedly petting Bum-Ju on his shoulder.

She stops five feet away from him and plants her hands on her hips. “What’re you doing here?”

“Hi to you, too,” he replies, slightly offended.

“Sorry, that sounded… I mean, did you need me for something?”

“Nope.”

“So, what, you popped by to watch me be a screw-up?”

“Well, I like to get a feel for where the newbies’re at. Didn’t think you’d be out with ‘em.”

She deflates a bit. “You saw how hopeless I am. I’ll be stuck with the newbies forever at this rate.”

“Nooo, no… Your bending’s just, uh, chaotic.” His smile is wide but not very convincing. Oh no. He’s trying to be nice. Her face burns at the realization. Pity is the last thing she wants from him, of all people.

He continues, “Form was great, though. Right, buddy?” He glances at the dragonfly-bunny, who shrugs. “Yeah, he thinks so, too.”

“…Thanks.” She stares past him, at the ground, wishing she were anywhere else. At the same time, Bumi’s easily her favorite person on Air Temple Island, and it’s usually such a treat being the focus of his attention. If only she could be anything other than a pathetic misfit in his eyes.

He puts a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, kid, don’t get hung up on it. We’ll figure it out.” His voice has gone all serious, worried.

“You don’t have to… be nice to me.”

“…Huh?”

“Because you feel sorry for me. I don’t want…” She feels her eyes flood with hot tears. In a panic, she slaps a hand over her face, harder than she intended. “Ow.”

Bumi clears his throat and calls over her head, across the courtyard, “Hey, Jinora, gonna steal Hana for a bit!”

“Oh, we’re all done!” she calls back, sounding less rattled than she probably feels. “No theft required.”

“Great! Seeya at dinner!” His hand slides down to Hana’s arm, sending a wave of goosebumps shivering along her shoulders and neck. She almost jumps when he mutters into her ear, “I know a good place to talk. No lookie-loos.”

Then they’re hurtling through the air, and she forgets about her shame for a sweet thirty seconds. His grip on her arm is firm, but she latches onto him anyway. Just survival instinct, she reminds herself, as she hears him laugh with her ear against his chest. He wraps an arm around her then, and she feels safer than she ever did on the ground.

Bumi sets them down in a little grassy clearing on the eastern edge of the island. It’s not far from one of his favorite places to have class, but without any obvious paths to it, you’d have to survey the island from the air to even know it exists. Or just know its layout like the back of your hand. It’s late afternoon, leaving most of it in the shade from nearby trees. What sunlight there is glows gold on dead grass. Framed by two stunted trees jutting from the cliff’s edge is the skyline of Republic City, painted gold as the grass. Bumi pulls a little ta-dah pose in front of it, which gets a smile out of her.

“That’s more like it,” he says, wearing his own smug grin. “Now what was that about you not wanting me to be nice?”

“I just meant…” She grasps at the air, like the words she needs to complete her thought are buzzing around her. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to go out of your way. For me.” It seems like a moot point now.

“Why not you?”

“I’m not cut out for this. You’re wasting your time.”

He laughs softly to himself and crosses his arms. For a moment, Hana’s terrified that he might be mocking her, but when he looks back up at her, his eyes are kind, and a little sad. “I know how ya feel,” he says with a shrug.

“How could you poss—”

Bumi just raises an eyebrow at her, and she slaps her hand over her face again. It stings worse than the first time, but she figures she deserves that.

“Fu— Nngh! I’m such an—” Hana drops down onto her haunches, holding her throbbing face in both hands. Maybe with enough pressure, she can shove the tears and snot back where they belong. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.”

She hears him sit down across from her. “M’not mad, kid. Like I said, I’ve been where you are. More or less.” She steals a glance at him, seated maybe a foot away and wearing the city itself like his own personal aura. “I see you busting your ass to do what comes so easy to others, and I know what that does to ya. Shame and doubt. Anger. A lot of anger. It can make ya feel worthless…”

She nods and eases into a cross-legged sit, mirroring him.

“S’not true, though. Everyone’s worth something. You’re worth a lot. Trust me, I’ve got an eye for talent.” Bum-Ju, who’s been hovering at a respectful distance, picks that moment to park himself on her head. “See? So does he.”

Hana wipes her runny nose, trying to hide it at first, but Bumi’s expression is so genuinely affable that she feels silly for thinking he might judge her. He’s on her side. A goopy face won’t change that. For lack of better options, she wipes up with a sleeve.

Hands dry, she reaches up, tentatively, to pet the dragonfly-bunny. “Is it okay if I…?”

“That’s up to him.”

The spirit doesn’t flee at her touch. In fact, he leans into it. She gasps as she runs her fingers through his fur, which is easily the softest, silkiest texture she’s ever felt, like yarn spun from cloudstuff. To her surprise, he gives a happy little chirrup and plops into her lap, landing on his back.

“He says to tell you he wants belly rubs.”

“Heh. Okay.” Petting Bum-Ju is supremely soothing, like lemonade on a summer’s day. His quiet little chirps merge and blend into a purr, and she smiles again. How could she not?

“It… It’s humiliating. I knew training wasn’t gonna be easy, but this is like being a little kid all over again.” She runs a finger along the edge of one of the spirit’s strange insectoid wings. Like the fur, it doesn’t feel entirely substantial. “I was supposed to be an earthbender, y’know.”

“Yeah? Says who?”

“…My dad.”

“Hah! Ain’t that always the way?”

“Heh…”

“You don’t give me earthbender vibes at all. You’re too… squishy.”

Her head shoots up to glare at him, and she notices how the sunlight’s shifted since they arrived. Twilight’s creeping up fast. “Did you just call me squishy?”

She’s caught him off-guard, and he blushes at the unflattering implications of such a word choice. “That’s to say… Well, the way rocks aren’t, right? Does that make sense?”

“No…?”

“You’re, I dunno, airy.”

“So I’m squishy like air…?”

Bumi runs a hand through his hair in actual frustration. “Forget I said you were squishy!” He looks relieved when she giggles and clues him into her teasing.

“My point being,” she continues blithely, “I may be the worst airbender here, but I had no earth talent whatsoever. Dad was not pleased. I never even wanted to do it, except to please him.”

“Sorry.”

“I have a little brother, though, and he’s brilliant with earth. Stone, glass, metal. You name it. Guess it worked out for Dad in the end, but I always… Even though it was crazy, I always wanted to fly. Not in an airship, but like the birds do. It never seemed fair.” She winces at how naive that sounds. “After Harmonic Convergence, I thought, y’know, finally. This is who I’m supposed to be.” Sympathy fills the lines around Bumi’s eyes and mouth, and she looks back down at the fuzzy spirit in her lap. She gives him some experimental chin scritches, which seem to go over well. “But it’s been more than three months now, and I’m still… I’m just a screw-up.”

“You’re the best teaching assistant I’ve ever had.”

Hana blinks. “Aren’t I the only one you’ve ever had?”

“Nah, I used to spend summers teaching new recruits arts ‘n’ crafts.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Says somebody who has no idea how boring it can get on a tour of duty! Keeping your hands busy staves off Sea Madness. And fistfights… Well, that is until somebody badmouths another guy’s macramé. I’ve been called as a witness at some crazy court martials, lemme tell ya.”

“I… Wow, okay. I guess you’d know.”

“And before I forget, let’s get one thing clear,” says Bumi, leaning forward and pointing right in her face. “I like being around you. Aren’t we friends?”

What’s the appropriate response to that? “You… friend… with me?” Well, it’s definitely not that. “I guess I didn’t… I thought you were just trying to figure me out. What’s wrong with me, I mean.”

“That, too, but hey! We have fun, right?”

“Yeah?”

“There ya go! Friends!”

She laughs. She can’t help it. Seeing the way Bumi’s face lights up only makes her laugh harder. Bum-Ju launches clear of her lap as she doubles over. Collapsed on the grass, she finally admits, “Okay! We’re friends! I guess!”

“So…” Only when she sees his shoulders relax does Hana realize how tense he’s been this whole time. “You always wanted to fly, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. More than anything. Thought I could grow up to be a bird if I put in the effort, but I was forced to develop an overactive imagination instead.”

“Sounds like a fun story.”

She pushes herself back into a sitting position and picks bits of grass out of her hair. She could do with a trim, now that she’s thinking about it. “Not a whole lot to tell. I was basically a toddler, and I don’t remember much.”

“Yeah?” Bumi’s grinning at her. He grins a lot, to be fair, but he has a different style for every occasion. Goofball, smart-ass, encouraging, nervous, and so on. This is a pure look of amused contentment, just for her. It makes her feel all gooey inside, but in a nice way, no snot involved.

“Hm. Well, okay. Mom did tell me about one time she found me eating worms out of the garden.”

“Hah! What’d it taste like?”

“Slimy dirt, probably? I only know it happened from Mom. Like I said, toddler.”

Bumi scratches his neck and looks off to the side, like he’s debating something with himself, then says, “I jumped off cliffs a lot.”

“Wow. Dark.”

“Into the water! Got pretty good at climbing. Diving, too, but that’s just, y’know, falling with style.”

“Umbrellas.” He looks at her expectantly, eyes glittering like chips of ice. They might be the palest she’s ever seen, and if they aren’t the most beautiful, they’re definitely in the top five. That’s a strange thought. Despite his age, he’s actually quite handsome. In fact, the wrinkles themselves emphasize his features in a way she didn’t realize she appreciated until just now. They tell a story of a life well-lived.

A quirk of his eyebrows reminds her that she’s in the middle of a conversation, during which she’s just said “umbrellas” and stared at him for ten seconds.

“W-well. Um. I saw this character in a storybook who flew around with an umbrella, so I found the biggest one I could and ran down the street, screaming my head off the whole time.” Hana feels herself blush at the admission. “That part seemed important for some reason. I was, like, five.”

“How’d that go?”

“As I recall, I broke the umbrella, and several people called the cops. They thought I was escaping from a murderer or something. Can’t imagine why.”

Bumi just laughs. Hana revels in it until he quiets enough to keep telling him embarrassing things about herself.

“Then there was the time I spent a month collecting loose feathers around my neighborhood and stuffed them all in my shirt,” she says, with a bit of added pantomime. “Was gonna jump out the apartment window, but I chickened out.”

“So… it worked?”

“Shut up. You are horrible, and I hate you now.”

“Minus 57 points for disrespecting your elder.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault they dress me like a giant baby.” She tugs at a corner of the scarlet shawl sewn around the shoulders of her standard-issue Air Nomad pajamas. They both snicker.

Then Bumi sits up straight like he’s been struck by lightning. “I got it!”

“Hm?”

“A wingsuit. Try one on!”

“That’s not really allowed unless you’ve qualified, though.”

“Eh, if you get in trouble, I’ll smooth it over,” he says with a little hand wave. “It could be just the confidence boost you need to get over whatever mental block is tripping you up.” He gestures at his own outfit. “Think about it. The right uniform can totally change how you see yourself. And I should know.”

“That’s a good point, but…” Hana shrugs and makes various non-committal noises. What she doesn’t mention is her discomfort at the snugness of the wingsuit’s fit. As ridiculous as the pajamas look on her, they’re at least loose and comfortable. Squeezing into a skintight flight suit to practice—probably clumsily as ever—is just another humiliation waiting to happen. It does give her an idea, though.

“Remember when I told you how I’ve had a bit of Kyoshi Warrior training?” she asks with a little smirk.

“I remember you not flipping me, even after I asked nicely.”

“Well, I might still have my fan lying around somewhere…”

[amesstm]

Nice Receive!

WC: ~2K

A/N: So... I couldn’t figure out Social Dummy, because I am a dummy :D And since no one told me if they wanted an actual schedule or not, we will now work around my work hours which is a lot because my gm is evil :)

~series masterlist~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weekend passed quickly with much needed rest being earned. Yet, there was that voice in the back of your mind urging you to do some form of exercising. After all, this was your last year in high school and the last time you could go to nationals.  

In fact, your volleyball team had been mourning the loss of their libero loudly in the group chat. Everyone joked that they would have to take down the 189.5cm man somehow. It seems that you had an army now, with your cousin Yu as its commanding general.  

For now, that wasn’t your concern because all you could think about was the upcoming exams. Yuki was studying more often with her boyfriend, which meant that you had the dorm room to yourself. Even Yuki was putting her studies before her volleyball practices because she skipped the one yesterday. So here you were with your text books and notes all laid out before you as if the words would jump off of the page and into your brain.

But after an hour of trying to focus on what was literally right in front of you, you gave up from the sensory overload. You sighed and collapsed onto your bed, hoping that the bed would swallow you. You closed your eyes and breathed slowly to prompt your muscles to relax. Perhaps you should start meditating.  

A soft knock interrupted your thoughts, immediately causing the irritation to return. But you opened the door and saw it was your whole volleyball team. Of course, the coach wasn’t there, but the manager looked like she led the brigade to your room.  

Your manager Tamako bowed with a smile, “We come in peace.”

She held up a pompompurin kotatsu plushie and you quickly forgot about your past irritation. You waddled towards her and clutched the plushie in your arms. “I accept your peace offering.”

The volleyball team cramped into your small room. The first-year opposite hitter Hana leaned in with wide curious eyes like that of a newborn baby, “Is it true that you and Ushijima-san like each other?”

Hana’s adoptive-mother, second year setter Karin shushed her, “They don’t know it yet!”

Hana poured and whined, “But it’s so obvious!”

You tilted your head and blinked, “What do you mean?”

Captain Hoshimi, the mountainous middle blocker, sighed, “You two are so oblivious.”

“Anyways,” Tamako cleared her throat, “Yuki says that she knows you’re dying to be on the court again. Obviously you can’t but you can watch!”

A part of you felt bad, knowing that Yuki was worried about you this whole time. You were about to open your mouth but she added, “Hoshimi has noise-canceling headphones.”

“Oh, okay that should work!” You grinned and sprung with life.  

Finally, you were able to be in the gym again. It wasn’t a formal practice, so everyone was just playing together. Unfortunately, you still had to sit on the bench. Of course, you were used to it since you were the liberal and weren’t always on the court; but every time the ball hit the floor, you couldn’t help but think that you could’ve gotten it.  

You watched Hoshimi block Hana with great speed and height. Although Hana had immense talent for her age, she needed much refining. You were sure that Tamako’s fast scribbling was notating all of this down even if she was off-duty.  

Still, you couldn’t hear what was going on. Everything you absorbed was purely on seeing the ball fly or land and feeling the vibrations of the ball landing or being smacked. So, you also didn’t hear someone approaching you and calling out your name. 

A light tap on your shoulder finally caught your attention. You whipped your head to see Ushijima talking to you, but you only saw his lips moving. Although you couldn’t hear, you said, “I can’t hear you. These are sound-proof.”

He nodded and sat down next to you instead of trying to find a way of communicating. It’s not like you two could learn some form of sign language or Morse code in a few minutes.  

Yet, there was that comforting silence. Sure, you were always flustered around Ushijima but now? Now, you’re on a different playing field – or court for this scenario. The embarrassment and hesitation scattered away, and the confident and radiant personality Ushijima always heard of came to light.  

After Hoshimi’s team won the set, Hana came panting to see how you were doing. She also wanted to check on her ship but that’s besides the point. Karin wandered towards you three, like a mother hovering around her chick. You decided that it’d be safe to remove the headphones since there weren’t ball smacking across the court now. “You guys did really well!”

“Did I?” Hana asked, red from huffing. “I think I could do so much better.”

“Try opening up your shoulders to Karin more,” you said, making the young spiker tilt her head. “You limit your options when you close yourself off from your setter. You’re only a few centimeters taller than me, but you’re still considered short on the court. Opening yourself up should make a difference.”

Ushijima watched you, observing the way you speak like a coach. No, nothing like Coach Tanji. On the contrary, your advice was constructive and kind, but still precise. Your voice’s volume didn’t raise above speaking level, which was another big difference. In the short time that Ushijima was considered “short”, he had to learn how to spike in ways similar to how you would have to.  

Once you were done advising Hana on what to do, the next set began. Soon, Hana was scoring more points. With each one, she would smile at you with all the brightness of the sun. You would smile back and raise your thumbs up in pride.  

Tamako tapped on your shoulder and asked if you could follow her a bit towards the back. You whispered in Ushijima’s ear, “I’ll be right back.”

It took him a minute to process that you were just that close to him that he could feel your lips almost on his earlobe. After controlling his rush of emotions, he nodded. Ushijima wondered what you two were talking about. Maybe it had to do with Hana’s improvement or the earliest you could return to playing. Either way, Ushijima continued watching the girls play, waiting for you to return to his side.

Hana soon excelled quickly, getting in quick spikes that couldn’t be received soon enough to get back into play. They’d smack onto the floor and then fly away. As Hana got more and more in the game, her spikes became quicker but also more forceful. There was no doubt that Hana would become the ace of the girls team when she got even better.  

But then one of her balls went astray. Ushijima noticed that this ball had a certain angle to it as she hit it at a cross. Knowing where the ball would go next, Ushijima rushed off of the bench just as the ball was about to hit you. He managed to receive the ball in time.  

On the other hand, you were also prepared to come in contact with the ball as you placed yourself in position. Of course, you might’ve been scolded for playing before you were allowed to, but you were sure that you could handle it. But Ushijima got to it before you could.  

After his dig, the ball bounced back into court but no one went to catch it. He looked behind towards you, eyes wandering over your face to see if you were shaken. Yet you didn’t look fazed at all. Instead, you grinned, “Nice receive!”  

Now, you definitely noticed a change in Ushijima’s stance. His shoulders drooped in relief and his features softened. His eyes looked at you as if you were the only one he cared about.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Hana asked, running towards you in worry. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she examined your state.  

You shook your head with a soft chuckle, “I’m fine, Hana. That was a really good spike!”

Hana crumbled underneath your compliments. Then, she turned towards Ushijima and bowed deeply from her hips. “Thank you for receiving the ball before it could hit her!”

Ushijima stated with seriousness etched into every centimeter on his face, “I won’t let another ball hit her ever again.”

To the team, it was practically a declaration of protecting you – which they swooned over. To you, it sounded like he didn’t want you playing. “But I’m the libero?”

With your confusion, the team sighed with dejection. Hoshimi groaned, “You’re so dumb.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You complained, eyes aimed towards Hoshimi.  

“We’ll tell you when you’re older,” Karin said, sticking out her tongue.

“I’m literally older than you,” you replied with a raised eyebrow.  

“And denser, too,” Karin jabbed back, earning a snicker from Hana who followed her mother’s behavior.  

You rolled your eyes, choosing to ignore the duo. “Anyways, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

You returned the headphones to Hoshimi and started to walk towards the exit. But you felt a presence behind you and saw Ushijima looking at you expectantly. “May I walk with you?”

“Of course,” you smiled.  

As you two walked, you were surprisingly calm. Perhaps that moment in the gym reminded you that the superstar of Japan was just another human being. Of course, he was someone with fans who would do anything to be with him and recruiters who would fight to have him on their team. But something about him seemed more human to you.  

Another thing that surprised you was that Ushijima was a slow walker. Perhaps you were always used to walking fast because you always rushed to catch up to your taller friends, but walking with Ushijima was a different pace. Now you could take the time to absorb the scenery around you.

When you approached a ledge that had a brilliant view of the sunset, you just looked at it in awe. Was the sunset always this beautiful? Japan was known as the Country of the Rising Sun. Then again, you wouldn’t be awake enough to enjoy the sunrise even if you were awake.  

But this sunset? You actually took the time to look at it. You didn’t walk past it like you would usually do because the sun would always set. But as the pinks and oranges cascaded from the sun to the rich purples and indigo of the night sky, you couldn’t just walk away. “Has it always been this beautiful?”

Ushijima noticed that you stopped to admire the sunset, so he stopped, too; but all he could look at was you. Something about the way the spring breeze brushed your hair away from your face so the golden hour could paint your features was captivating. “Always.”

You looked behind your shoulder to see that Ushijima got closer to you. “Haha, sorry. I didn’t realize that I had stopped.”

“No, it’s fine.” Ushijima said, opting to sit on a rock that laid along the side of the road. “Sit with me, we can watch it longer.”

You took the opportunity to sit on the rock closest to him. Again, with that comforting silence. There was no need to speak because you two could just enjoy each other’s company. Then Ushijima spoke, “Will you play volleyball professionally?”

Of course, you had contemplated it but it didn’t seem completely viable. Sure, you were among the top three liberos in the country. Yes, you would love to continue playing the sport that you’ve dedicated so much time to. But could you really do that? “I’m not sure, yet.”

Ushijima’s gaze left the sunset to look at you, so you returned his gaze. “It’d be a waste of talent not to.”

The breath you were intaking halted dramatically. “You’re right. It would be.”

“Will you at least play in university?” Ushijima asked, hopeful that you would at least continue then.  

“Absolutely,” you chuckled. “I don’t want to say goodbye to years of my life just yet.”

“You should play professionally,” Ushijima stated, his confidence in your ability making your heart flutter. For some reason, the sentence felt really familiar but you couldn’t remember why.  

Anyways, you didn’t know what to say. When you finally spoke, it was to say goodnight. Ushijima left you at your dorm room and with plenty to think about.  

When you finally collapsed onto your bed, you pulled out your phone. There was a notification from Hana. You opened your phone to see it was a picture of you and Ushijima watching the sunset. Underneath was a caption saying, “Nice receive ;)”

[anika-ann]

WINSoD - Pt.5

If One Should Fall...

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2, part 3)  

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader  Word count: 3120

Summary: In which distribution of forces on the stones-retrieving mission changes. Because— reasons.The reason being a special visit someone pays you.

Warnings!: skip to post-Infinity War and the summary of it - you can imagine; deaths, violence....briefly tho, + language, mention of the inability to bear children, brief suicidal thoughts, kinda religious motives because SPN

A/N: Enormous time skip, because obviously CA:CW didn’t happen and the timeline is changed from canon already. Also, the title (What I’d Never Say or Do had I been in my right mind) is reeeeeally applicable in this one and somehow… it felt right to connect the chapters like this. Do not murder me…?

Part 4

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Forever was a funny word. A funny concept, perhaps. People always said they wished for some moments to last forever and what they meant was for them to last as long as possible, with no change in sight. Or they said that something unpleasant felt like it lasted forever, their souls craving an end of the misery, a fundamental change as the polar opposite to the first case.

You lived through both in the past years.

Sitting on your ass in a Wakandian palace, watching a battle unfold in front of you, an ensemble of great warriors fighting yet another army from space, that felt like forever, a never-ending nightmare and you only got to watch.

It set a pattern for you for several more years to come. To only watch.

You watched an alien creature steal the sceptre that the Avengers had decided to store in the palace and it did so while killing everything in its way. Princess Shuri had the great idea of hiding you and cuffing you so you wouldn’t stand in the creature’s path while she tried to stop it with the others. She ended up in shattered glass, only unconscious, as if thanks to a miracle.

You watched as… as she fell apart to ashes only minutes later; just like many, oh so many others.

Half of the population, they said.

Thanos, The Mad Titan, had wiped half of all living creatures.

The moment was carved into your brain forever. And the eternal time you waited for anyone to come back from the battle, to see Steve alive, because God, please, let him live – yes, that sure as hell felt like forever too.

Lives were lost. Bucky, Sam, Ryan, Wanda, Pietro, Peter, Shuri, T’Challa, Strange, Fury… the list went on and on. All of them, gone. Forever.

The world changed. Avengers  ow officially didn’t exist and yet recruited new members all over the freakin’ space, which was the only way of finding out Tony Stark, who had disappeared on a spaceship, in fact, survived.

The missions of the greatest defenders of Earth changed as well. Some members took off to start a family, lucky enough to still have a partner to do so. Or to have the ability to pass their genes.

You couldn’t. Or maybe Steve couldn’t, it didn’t matter. You never pried after the source of your inability to have children; you two were one, a unity. You didn’t want to know so you could point fingers. You could tell Steve blamed himself, as well as he knew that your irregular period was definitely not helping. You made your peace. In fact, you admired Tony for finding the courage to create an environment for a child in this mad world; your lack of faith in being able to do the same had the opportunity rose ironically helped you to come to terms with the fact of your body was not functioning right.

In a way, it only drew you and Steve closer. You had valued each other before, yes, but now… you truly were like one. You backed him up in how he decided to honour Sam’s memory by starting a support group and he was the one to sense that in a search for reassurance, strangely materialistic, you craved an official bond with him, despite never saying a word.

You were Steve’s wife now – and you were each other’s rock, even during the poor attempt at defeating Thanos again.

Five years was a long time, a forever, one might say, but when Scott Lang, one of the people believed to been dusted, reappeared, forever and never became relative again.

Which led you to now; what was left of the Earth’s mightiest heroes was planning on retrieving the infinity stones.

Because they figured out how to time-travel.

Observing your reflection in the mirror, the circles under your eyes, you couldn’t but run your hand down your face and sigh.

You were still struggling with accepting the incredible fact of the possibility of coming back in time, yet you had to shush the hope inside you. Hope was a dangerous thing; certainly on such big scale as everything could being as it had been, hope that all the people who had lost their lives during the Snap could be resurrected.

As for a person who in fact had died once, it was easier for you to believe it was possible and you weren’t sure that it was a good thing. The fear of losing what you still had – read Steve, mainly – in the process, was paralyzing. It would mean your end, one you might deliver by yourself if it came to it, because you weren’t as strong as your husband. You wouldn’t make it through. Not after everything that happened.

You sighed again and tried to shake off the darkest thoughts.

When your eyes fell on the reflection again, a man stood behind your shoulder.

You spun on your heels and jerked away, your bottom bumping into the sink with a startled yelp escaping your lips.

In a fraction of second, several ways of defending yourself flashed through you mind; but the man was already three feet away; in a blink of an eye, before you could even move further.

Chest heaving with frantic breaths, hand over your heart, you stared at the intruder dressed in a three-piece suit and a red cravat. Of average height and maybe few pounds over healthy weight, smoothly shaven so his smirk could stand out, he looked… peculiar, especially given the fact he had found himself in the ladies’ room.

It shouldn’t have surprised you he spoke up with some kind of an accent on top of everything, but it did.

“Saving the world is exhausting, isn’t it?”

You stared at him, speechless. Your brain kicked into an overdrive, analysing how much of a threat he was, if he was like Pietro, too fast for Friday to catch him, or what was he-

“Who the-“

“I’m Crowley, darling. And you don’t need look so scared. If I wanted you dead, you’d be already lying here in a puddle of blood,” he reassured you like a sleazy businessman, all pretence at kindness.

You winced at the visual and narrowed your eyes.

“Alright, Crowley, what do you want? And what exactly are you?” you demanded, uncertain why you felt calm despite the man appearing out of thin air and speaking of you dying in the bloodiest way. Were you truly so numb these days?

He smiled, as if he was old friend. “I am a friend of Moose and Squirrel-“ What. “-or Sam and Dean, as you know them. I have no doubt they mentioned me. After all, my mother is assisting them more than she would like. You met her, incidentally.”

It didn’t take a genius to figure it out – you hadn’t met many people during your time with the Winchesters. This man… was probably a warlock. A witch. Rowena apparently had a son.

Well. Shit.

“Okay. So… you’re a witch or something. Means I shouldn’t trust you fully. Noted. Now what do you want?”

His face twisted in a theatrical insulted grimace, his palm laid on his chest as if you just shot him through the heart – which, by the way, would probably do nothing to him.

“First of all, I am here to help, so I don’t think you have other option than trusting me. Second of all, I am not a witch, I am the King of Hell, thank you very much-“

Somewhere in the back of your mind, Sam Winchester’s voice whispered something about the King of Hell having been Dean’s bestie for a while, which did not make you feel any better, only more confused.

“And thirdly… I’m here to tell you what you, my darling, need to do for this mission to be successful.”

You stared at him incredulously, his casual stance and animated speech bewildering, and had no clue what to make of it.

Yet, you let him speak. You let him give you the advice no one ever wanted to receive. Ever. But this sleazy man had told you about how he had saved the world before, side by side with the Winchesters and everything suddenly made sense.

Crowley, the King of Hell, answered the most burning question you had been asking yourself ever since coming back from the death, doing so more and more often these days.

Why.

Why were you given the second chance at life? Why you of all people? What was the purpose?

And now you knew.

Rowena was the greatest witch the supernatural world had ever created and she supposedly looked through all the possible futures she could. Tony had once told you, drunk and hurting, that Strange had done the same right before the battle and he only saw one way of how it could end with Thanos’ loss. Now Crowley told you the ‘one’ future was still in play, that everything was actually still on the way to the world’s victory.

The price of victory was high. History had taught you that.

But the price people paid for losing was higher.

And as much as you hated what you apparently had to do…

“Okay,” you rasped, guilt already gnawing at your chest, tears strolling down your face, fear eating you up from the inside, fear of unknown and yet known, instincts fighting the urge to do the right thing and finally actually help to the heroes you found yourself among while still useless.

You were only watching too long. Forever, one might say.

“Okay?” he echoed, clearly surprised by your antics.

You only nodded, wiping away your tears and forcing your breathing to calm and steady. There was no way you could go back to the base of operating in the living room like this. You needed to be a fucking grown-up. Grown-ups had to be okay with not being okay. You must finally become worthy of being Captain Amer- Steve’s wife.

“Yes, Crowley. I’ll do it. Though I still have no idea why you came here to tell me. Aren’t you supposed to be the bad guy?” you teased him lightly, your mouth speaking its will without permission, the question only half-expecting an answer.

“Well, my darling. It’s the end of the world as we know it. It doesn’t matter now if you’re good or bad. Not if you want the world not to end.”

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You were a terrible actress; a Razzies-nominee kind of actress. You couldn’t lie to save your life (the irony of such statement was not lost on you, yet it wasn’t properly appreciated either) and you were aware of the fact that Steve liked that about you. You could never lie to him. So you never tried.

You knew you couldn’t break that streak now, because he would see right through you. So you stooped lower than ever. Omitting the truth. Lying by not sharing the whole story. Whether you could make that work, only time would tell.

When you finally managed to compose yourself – at least more or less – and exited the bathroom, you found out that not much had changed. The team was still debating the details of best approach, uncertain but determined expressions on their faces.

Steve spared once glace at you and instantly was able to tell something was wrong. He hid you from the view of the others by his broad figure, concerned eyes scanning your face, observing and searching for any clue; for the source of your distress. As if the fact that they were – you all were, even if they didn’t know yet – about to time travel wasn’t enough to give one palpitations and serious stress-induced headache.

His tender fingers tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear as if it would help the mess your hairstyle must have been. A small encouraging smile graced his lips despite his own mind no doubt weighted down by numerous worries.

He didn’t have to ask for you to start talking, the brilliant colour of his eyes sweet and inviting enough.

“What if something goes wrong?” you questioned in a hushed whisper, not having to pretend to have such haunting thought. “What if… I don’t even want to think about what could it be. You’re going to need someone capable to pull you out. I am… I am not that capable. Definitely not when it comes to science of time-travel.”

Despite Steve acting like a human shield, your concerns were acknowledged by everyone, their heads snapping your direction. Steve, feeling all the curious eyes, cleared his throat and gently took your arm, leading you away from the prying ears.

“….excuse us for a second,” he hummed absently, waiting until he was out of earshot to speak with you again. “Doll… what- what is this really about?”

“What do you mean-“ you bluffed lamely in an instant, but the look Steve gave you shut you up.

“I know you, sweetheart. You can’t lie to me.”

If you weren’t dreading what you were about to do, you might throw a ‘watch me’ back at him. Instead, you aimed for an irritated tone – one that would be justified in case he would truly be questioning the claim you were about to point out.

“So you think I’m not afraid for you?”

A frown crossed over his face, his palm on your bicep tightening before he eased his hold to brush his thumb over the very same spot. “No! That’s not- I just know there’s something more. What is it?”

Gulping and averting his gaze, because the intense burn of genuine concern was unbearable, your mind raced with the effort to find the right words.

Your stomach was tied in tight knots, turning at the idea of playing Steve, more so for such nefarious purpose. But how else you could have convinced him that it couldn’t in fact be him and Natasha going to Vormir to retrieve the soul stone?

“I… I want to help. I need to help, Steve. You’re— you're so strong, always the hero and I’m not even close, I-“

“-need to prove my worth?” he finished easily, a knowing look in his eyes, and fuck him, how did he know—

He might not understand fully, he had no way of knowing what Crowley told you to do, but still, Steve was still able to recognize what fuelled your determination, what were your motives.

You opened your mouth uselessly, a shaky exhale brushing Steve’s face as he lowered his head to you, his eyes wide and genuinely troubled. God, you couldn’t bare the intensity of his gaze.

“Christ, doll. Where’s this coming from? Don’t be rid-“ From the corner of your eye, you saw him lick his lips as he swiftly cut himself off before calling you ridiculous. His large warm palms framed your face, forcing you to lock your gaze with his, passionate words accented by the burning fire of his irises. “You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Not to them, certainly not to me. You are my everything and you are the most amazing person I have ever met-“

You closed your eyes, a soft smile tugging at your lips despite your better judgement. You never doubted Steve’s feelings, yet he was always quick to reassure you, having the patience of a saint whenever he noticed a hint of insecurity.

“I know. I swear I know that, I know how you feel, but- let me do this. What if… what if you don’t come back? What if you don’t come back and I’d be just sitting here, knowing I could have done something, but I didn’t. You’re too familiar with that feeling, Steve. Please. Let me come with you,” you pleaded in a hushed voice, hating you reminded him of losing you, but knowing it might be effective. “You know you can protect me when it comes to it.”

Brows drawn together, Steve observed you, baffled and yet understanding at the same time, torn between the instinct to have you protected at the compound and the responsibility he felt towards this mission. This was the fight of your lives; deep down, he must have known he couldn’t afford to jeopardize that even if it came to you. Which, naturally, didn’t mean he had to like it.

A clearing of one’s throat that sounded a bit like a clap of thunder interrupted your staring contest and you both glanced towards Bruce’s huge green form in the doorway, sheepish expression comical on his massive face.

“…sorry to interrupt, but… we kinda all think she has a point so-“

Steve’s sucked in air between his teeth, letting his hands drop from you face, only for one of them to run through his hair, the other balling in a fist.

You shrugged, the battle of emotions – victory and defeat at the same time, because God, why – no doubt visible on your face as Steve turned his attention solely to you once more.

“I’ll give you guys another sec…” Bruce hummed, backing out of the door, leaving you to deal with clearly irritated and reluctant Steve.

Thanks, buddy.

Wordlessly, Steve’s fingers slipped beneath your jaw, pulling you in for one of the strangest kisses of your life. H poured all his emotions into one simple gesture, hungry and intense, intimate wet sound of a dirty encounter of mouths echoing in the otherwise silent room. You allowed yourself to get lost in the sensation of Steve’s lips on yours, in his arm grabbing you and pressing flush against his hard chest; it was all too harsh for anyone to believe it was not a display of affection of a half-desperate man.

Breathless and with vertigo nearly overcoming you, you rested your forehead against Steve’s, mirroring his action once you parted. His eyes were closed shut, as if too heavy to kept open, but you could see that something in his expression shifted; you and Bruce won.

Peripherally, you noticed Crowley’s faint figure, the shortest of appearances as he nodded in approval and goodbye. You suspected he did something so Steve gave in; you didn’t care what and how, hoping it didn’t harm your soulmate.

Tears stung in your eyes when you realized what was to come and you forced them to be kept at bay, shutting your eyes close again.

“Fine, have it your way,” Steve rasped, his voice clearly irked, yet resigned. “But if you get one scratch on you, doll, just one, I’ll hold you responsible.”

No, you won’t.

You charmed a guilty smile, a lame tiny thing, and he inhaled sharply, only for huffing the air out.

“How could I, having my chivalrous man by my side?”

It earned you a kiss on your forehead, Steve’s fingers interlacing with yours when you made your way back to the other room where everyone waited.

Oh, how much it now hurt, the amount of faith Steve could put into you, charmed by your teary smile, that little thing puling on his heartstrings.

Oh, just how much it would hurt…

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Part 6

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This chapter might seem a bit strange, but hopefully it fits the atmosphere of Infinity War and Endgame…

Thanks for being here. I love you for your encouragement :-*

P.S. Here, have the last part of a SPN guide - visuals and references for Amara (God’s sister who gave back ‘reader’s’ memories) and Crowley (from this chapter).