#I’m SO mentally ill about this game
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I’m currently addicted to Block Tales, you know what that means!!
Rambles, doodles, and silly little screenshots under the cut :3c
I fear I might be a winged nooblet, that MIGHT be a picture of me fr
But don’t take it from me, take it from my new Block Tales OC/Sona(?)!!
They’re friendly, I swear! Ignore the rapid fire of arrows the second you enter Roblox HQ they’re NOT from them I promise
I’ve also gotten some real funny screenshots with my Blue cosplay
I’ve been doing some concepts for proper designs for some of the major characters in Block Tales and I decided I’d give Blue a sheep motif, Red a goat motif, and Noobador a gaur motif hehe
Those ideas created this image and I just need everyone to appreciate them
I absolutely adore this game and wish I found it sooner </3
My completionist self is trying to get all of the current obtainable badges just to give myself something to do in this game and the times on my saves are not something for me to be proud of OOPS,,,
Currently going for Bloxxer and whatever one that is beating BP without taking damage
My favorite characters are Blue, Cruel King, and obviously the winged nooblets, and HELMET NOOBS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE??? I CAN SOLO CRUEL KING WITHOUT TAKING DAMAGE BUT I CANT DODGE THEIR STUPID ATTACKS FOR SOME REASON I HATE THEM..
I talk to my brother about theories and things, like involving the Banished Knight or Toxic Spearmen/Dart guys which I probably won’t get into here, I’ll either do so later down the line with art to go with it or just make a wall of rambling text elsewhere.
Anyways I really like Block Tales expect more Block Tales stuff from me :3
#art#drawing#roblox#block tales#griefer blocktales#cruel king#noobador#blue noob#blocktales#blocktales oc#if we’re lucky#one of my next posts will be a design dump#purely of blocktales characters#wish me luck#winged nooblet#I’m SO mentally ill about this game#SOMEBODY SEDATE ME
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Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about
The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.
(From his gleaming stars card story)
If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.
In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:
Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?
Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.
(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)
Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.
But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.
Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.
(RMD)
And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.
(From Wonder Halloween)
I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.
Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.
Middle School Nene: oh, I see…
Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?
Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…
Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.
(From Wonder Halloween)
Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).
Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!
(…)
Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…
Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)
(…)
Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.
(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)
He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which
1) ow.
2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with
3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.
4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)
5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”
6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.
By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.
Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.
Middle School Mizuki: huh?
Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.
(Kamikou festival)
Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.
Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.
Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.
(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)
I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -
(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)
(Wonder Halloween)
- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”
Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.
Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!
(…)
Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!
Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!
Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.
(Wxs main story)
Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).
Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.
(…)
Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.
Rin: Rui-kun…
Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.
(WXS world link)
(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)
This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.
That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.
Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.
Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.
Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.
(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)
After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.
Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,
(Curtain call)
why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,
(Cheer squad event)
And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.
(Festival bathed in twilight)
I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”
Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.
Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.
Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others
Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.
(…)
Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?
Rui: eh?
Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?
(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)
This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?
(Curtain call)
(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.
(World link)
Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)
Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)
Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)
(…)
Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)
Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)
(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)
I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.
#mine#project sekai#analysis#rui#hiii (twirls hair) (covered in blood) (visibly dying)#me when I’m so normal about these characters#you don’t want to know how long I spent on this post the answer is too fucking long.#i hate that purple fuck (said with incredible fondness and love)#at some point I’m sure I’ll write about emu & her 400 mental illnesses and analyze nene’s character in depth#and do that analysis on the roof & it’s importance to rui & tsukasa (mainly rui)#but also I need to not spend hours on miku game analysis.#incredibly self serving post in that every in depth analysis on these characters I create is one step closer to feeling comfortable#writing the 3 million fic ideas in my head#and also because I’m not organizing this better you’ll take the word vomit and like it
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okay so I was talking about that bug game. um. I was actuallytalking about Vangers. This is slowly becoming related to my transformers obsession and I will be indoctrinating everyone I meet. if I turn one of these mechos into a transformer maybe then I can get more into my evil circle with popular tags
Ms paint doodles. I don’t know if I’ve shown my Ms paint stuff on here but okay. fun fact I doodle in Ms paint when I’m bored.
3D retexture of the starting mechos
spin around V
These 3d models were taken from the original game using the Tractor converter, check it out here!
Edited with blender to fix the many symmetry problems and textures in a (not legally obtained) substance painter using pixel8r!
Closeups + original ref screenshots below the cut. I’m trying not to rant and I’m not succeeding
^ NOTE, FOR 3D CREATIONS I WILL GIVE YOU THE BLEND/FBX FILES. JUST ASK.
ok now for how these guys look
And the mechos finally! Tumblr is lagging so fucking bad but I need to say that these high res spin rounds of the mechos aren’t how they look in game. Bitches are flat and low poly . I would model it to look more like it should but it’s funny
#vangers#digital art#art#my art#3d model#3d art#vehicle art#video games#game art#old games#no one really. talks about vangers too much in English or much at all so I’m unsure what to tag this#beeborats#Geer’ah#Eleepod#< various vanger species tags that only I will use#Vanger#mechos#vanger for the species#vangers for the game#mental illness is my middle name#ms paint#video tw#pixel8r#that isn’t a tag but whatever it is now
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techno and his relationship to dehumanization is SOOO important to me .
#All of my fics are about this. Yes even the superhero ones.#“All of my fics” as if I have more than 3 .#I’m including wips in that. .#Okk. .#So like 4 fics actually.#Like secunit!technoblade is OBVIOUS. He was created to be a weapon and finds it deeply uncomfortable being HUMANIZED.#Because the trappings of human life are foreign and novel to him .#Secunit!techno is to historians what palaeontologists are to anthropologists.#I don’t know if thst makes sense.#but the hunger games one is ALSO about dehumanization. OBVIOUSLY. but jts a different flavour . Technoblade is a person.#Hes so completely human that its almost painful.#But his mental illness and the things his society has made him do have made the people around him think him a monster.#No matter who he used to be when he could hide his hallucinations and paranoia. No matter how many people he helped. It wasn’t enough.#Something important to me about techno is that hes always seen himself as an outsider to humanity.#Whether it be Hybrid-whatever technoblade or piglin technoblade or completely human streetrat technoblade.#What often is defined as What Makes Us Human is neither afforded to him nor expected from him.#I’m actually always thinking about the hungergames au. Actually. I want to write it so bad.#(Guy who hasn’t even decided what the theme or the pov or the tense or the plot will be)#rat.op.tag#rat.fic.tag
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Back on my pre-war Nick and Jen brainrot
#doctorsiren#fallout#fallout 4#fallout 4 headcanons#nick valentine#jennifer lands#prewar nick valentine#i forgot what tag I use for him rip#I watched See How They Run last night and Constable Stalker was SO MUCH like how I envision Jenny#and so now I’m leaning towards Jen being an investigative reporter for the Bugle#kind of like Mary Jane in the Spider-Man PS4 game#I’m so mentally ill about them#fallout 4 fanart#art#digital art#my art#fanart#procreate
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I have recently discovered SOMA has a fandom on tumblr and I don’t think my life has ever been more complete
#SO GUYS HAVE#HAVE I#EVER MENTIONED#HOW MUCH I LOVE TJIS GAME#I WATCHED A PLAYHROUGJ OF IT AND ENDED UP GETTING IN LIKE. A LONG RANT WITH A FRIEND ABOUT IT#SINCE I DRAGGED TJEM INTO THE ROT TOO#Guys guys I really love philosophical horror can you tell#Also I promise I am not leaving PHIGHTING! anytime soon I am just#Really obsessed with this horror game#I am so autistic for robots giys#Like#like guys#you guys could never understand#Murder drones/ultrakill/biograft phighting/and now soma I am so mentally ill#/VSILLY#Anyways pls watch the soma play through or even better play the game oh my FUCK#IT MADE ME#GENUINELY CRY SO UNRELIABLY HARD THE ENDING ABSOLUTELY RUINED ME#It’s such an underrated game too IH my goodness#I’m so happy it’s finally getting the attention it’s deserbes#Cro chatter#soma#soma game#soma (2015)
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Everyone SHUT UP. Au where Sara knew Kai growing up and she sees him as a big brother, but then the death game happens.
#Sara is basically getting double crited in the first main game#yttd#kai satou#sara chidouin#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#kgs#u don’t understand I’m SO MENTALLY ILL ABOUT THEM…
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O_O act 5 somehow this has gotten more depressing
#in stars and time#this is a post i made#I’ll look it up later but just for ease anyone have a transcript of that really long sif thought that it automatically scrolls through that#ends with kill him multiple times#okay yeah this is my liveblog post anyway#me when I’m frin and I mess up all of my friendships •.•#I mean understandable they got like a billion mental illnesses during these loops#actually more like sif when things fall apart: teehee#also can we talk about the music cause it is So good and I’m pretty sure there’s 2 versions of the dormant song and the alt version fills me#with fear and sadness#o_0 uhhhhhh how long this go for I’m not having a good time (yes I am I’m so intrigued and love this game so much)#jfc sif you’re killing me#:000000 a) hey red! b) holy duck this music is great#this game glitches sometimes and I have no idea if it’s on purpose or not
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#me art#icarian’s games#dainslief#genshin impact#I’m literally so mentally ill about a character we see for a collective less than 15 minutes once a year#I can’t even infodump because you know it’s bad when you have so many thoughts to the point you’re rendered speechless#on the mind!
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There is nothing like trying 10+ treatment options over literal years and still not getting any better.
#the only options I have left are both like really scary for some reason#I might just **** ******#I mean be depressed forever yay ☺️☺️☺️#tw suicide#for incredibly vague censored mention in my tags LMAOOO#anyway for anyone reading this… I have a crush on Gale 🫣🫣🫣#I’m working on ideas for my inserts#but like seriously it’s so isolating to not get any better#I’ve been in treatment for mental illness since I was like 10#I might make another s/i ask game I wanna answer about my guys#ignore how scattered my thoughts are
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🤪.
#when you haven’t had a chronic illness flare up in 3 years so you think you’re free bc in a lot of people they stop having flare ups as the#get older. but apparently the big age of 23 isn’t old enough. or maybe you’re just gonna have to deal w this the rest of your live long day#like I know in some ways I’m lucky to have an episodic illness that only affects me Sometimes (if you don’t count the migraines)#but man the mental toll. how whenever I feel a symptom I just cannot relax and start stressing about how I’m gonna get to the hospital if#this is a flare up. lmao.#anyway. fuck my life I guess.#also I missed the Spain France match because I was in the hospital but am lucid enough to watch the England game unfortunately. so great#timing also.#d
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Dude, is that an arm?
#starchive#art tag#nitw#nitw fanart#mae borowski#gregg lee#angus delaney#bea santello#im so mentally ill about this game you have no idea#one day i will replay it on stream and it will kill me dead i love it sm#anyway i did this for class and it’s not exactly what i wanted it to be but I’m deciding that I’m happy with it lol
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LEAKS IN A FEW HOURS PLEASE BE MID 😁 (WE ARE FUCKED BEYOND IMAGINATION)
#this man has been in dealings with death the past month like it’s actually over.#you ppl are so lucky i’m joining the game so damn late bc the episodes i would have had all these years…#in the mean time packing for my trip and emptying my queue so i can start blogging again like a normal person (aka refilling it and getting#myself in the same position i’m currently in that’s preventing me from blogging like a normal person because i am mentally ill)#guys also lowkey i’m thinking about using twitter more instead what do we think (THIS POST WILL GET ZERO NOTES)#<- i say this and then add five billion tags to my posts on here and think holy shit i could never do twitter
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for the writer ask
💭🚦💛 💌
💭 What inspires you and your writing?
this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.
writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.
i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.
and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow
🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?
look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)
come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.
💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?
honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.
to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.
i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.
💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?
actually Just answered this in another ask!
#sterge.eml#foxyjeongin#thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post#i talk too much#i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry#unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol#if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is#in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about#or more accurately it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao#y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that#i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling#(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that#learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read#read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it#it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario#nothing’s truly new and original#we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules#celebrate it!!!
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so fucking wild how miguel also just. told miles about what happened with gabriella’s universe. he just tells the story with no excuses in front of everyone and even has a simulation to show the lowest point in his life. i would be throwing up and shaking from shame and guilt.
fr head in hands it makes me so mentally ill. The fact that he has a simulation at all implying that he’s sat multiple people down for this explanation?? He’s stood up there and detailed what he believes to be his life’s greatest fuck up over and over again?
#internally he IS throwing up from shame and guilt shdhdjfjf god the fact he always grieves and guilt stews abt it alone#I keep thinking about that one tiktok which was like I’m p sure in this shot he’s got tears in his eyes after the explanation 🕳🚶♂️#imo it’s a little ambiguous w the lighting but STILL. makes me so mentally ill#also specifically why I hate the reading that he doesn’t take ownership for this like I’m sorry but. you’re literally wrong on that front he#takes COMPLETE ownership of it. he doesn’t even accept his own lack of knowledge as an excuse 🕳🚶♂️#ask games#anon
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Looking at my viewpoints on certain controversial characters now vs when I was a kid is so jarring to be quite fair, when I was younger I would deny/try to refuse to like/ease the “bad shit” and uwu-ify villains/disliked/anti-hero characters and now I’m a weird adult neck deep in fandom drama and I’m just like THIS GUY IS A CERTIFIED DICK. MORE AT SEVEN.
#tbqh this goes for queer or weird or mentally I’ll coded characters too lmao I had so much internalised drama going on#I thought I should/could only like a very niche character type.#now I’m a queer mentally Ill adult and I will hyperfixate on whomsever I want. period.#this post may be about your blorbos but I want you all to know that it is about Jack from AFTG#baby fox traumatised weirdo white trash dick homophobe future Palmetto Captain and trashy gen z loser my beloathed#aftg Jack#aftg#alicent Hightower#aemond targaryen#all for the game#hotd
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