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mishasminions · 4 years ago

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Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

#SUPERNATURAL #DESTIEL #15X20 #I KNOW I SAID THAT MY LAST LONG POST WAS MY LAST ON EVER BUT I REALLY DIDN'T THINK THE FINALE WOULD BE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE #INSIGHTFUL INSIGHTS #UNTAGGED #PERSONAL

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deeranger · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie! ❤️

1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues. “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to. “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good? �� “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam). “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation). “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course.

#dee answers #fanfiction questions #personal

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holyhellpod · 4 years ago

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Holy Hell: 3. Metanarrativity: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship? aka the analysis no one asked for.

In this ep, we delve into authorship, narrative, fandom and narrative meaning. And somehow, as always, bring it back to Cas and Misha Collins.

(Note: the reason I didn’t talk about Billie’s authorship and library is because I completely forgot it existed until I watched season 13 “Advanced Thanatology” again, while waiting for this episode to upload. I’ll find a way to work her into later episodes tho!)

I had to upload it as a new podcast to Spotify so if you could just re-subscribe that would be great! Or listen to it at these other links.

Please listen to the bit at the beginning about monetisation and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to message me here.

Apple | Spotify | Google

Transcript under the cut!

Warnings: discussions of incest, date rape, rpf, war, 9/11, the bush administration, abuse, mental health, addiction, homelessness. Most of these are just one off comments, they’re not full discussions.

Meta-Textuality: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship?

In the third episode of Season 6, “The Third Man,” Balthazar says to Cas, “you tore up the whole script and burned the pages.” That is the fundamental idea the writers of the first five seasons were trying to sell us: whatever grand plan the biblical God had cooking up is worth nothing in face of the love these men have—for each other and the world. Sam, Bobby, Cas and Dean will go to any lengths to protect one another and keep people safe. What’s real? What’s worth saving? People are real. Families are worth saving.

This show plugs free will as the most important thing a person, angel, demon or otherwise can have. The fact of the matter is that Dean was always going to fight against the status quo, Sam was always going to go his own way, and Bobby was always going to do his best for his boys. The only uncertainty in the entire narrative is Cas. He was never meant to rebel. He was never meant to fall from Heaven. He was supposed to fall in line, be a good soldier, and help bring on the apocalypse, but Cas was the first agent of free will in the show’s timeline. Sam followed Lucifer, Dean followed Michael, and John gave himself up for the sins of his children, at once both a God and Jesus figure. But Cas wasn’t modelled off anyone else. He is original. There are definitely some parallels to Ruby, but I would argue those are largely unintentional. Cas broke the mold.

That’s to say nothing of the impact he’s had on the fanbase, and the show itself, which would not have reached 15 seasons and be able to end the way they wanted it to without Cas and Misha Collins. His back must be breaking from carrying the entire show.

But what the holy hell are we doing here today? Not just talking about Cas. We’re talking about metanarrativity: as I define it, and for purposes of this episode, the story within a story, and the act of storytelling. We’re going to go through a select few episodes which I think exemplify the best of what this show has to offer in terms of framing the narrative. We’ll talk about characters like Chuck and Becky and the baby dykes in season 10. And most importantly we’ll talk about the audience’s role, our role, in the reciprocal relationship of storytelling. After all, a tv show is nothing without the viewer.

I was in fact introduced to the concept of metanarrativity by Supernatural, so the fact that I’m revisiting it six years after I finished my degree to talk about the show is one of life’s little jokes.

I’m brushing off my degree and bringing out the big guns (aka literary theorists) to examine this concept. This will be yet another piece of analysis that would’ve gone well in my English Lit degree, but I’ll try not to make it dry as dog shit.

First off, I’m going to argue that the relationship between the creators of Supernatural and the fans has always been a dialogue, albeit with a power imbalance. Throughout the series, even before explicitly metanarrative episodes like season 10 “Fan Fiction” and season 4 “the monster at the end of this book,” the creators have always engaged in conversations with the fans through the show. This includes but is not limited to fan conventions, where the creators have actual, live conversations with the fans. Misha Collins admitted at a con that he’d read fanfiction of Cas while he was filming season 4, but it’s pretty clear even from the first season that the creators, at the very least Eric Kripke, were engaging with fans. The show aired around the same time as Twitter and Tumblr were created, both of which opened up new passageways for fans to interact with each other, and for Twitter and Facebook especially, new passageways for fans to interact with creators and celebrities.

But being the creators, they have ultimate control over what is written, filmed and aired, while we can only speculate and make our own transformative interpretations. But at least since s4, they have engaged in meta narrative construction that at once speaks to fans as well as expands the universe in fun and creative ways. My favourite episodes are the ones where we see the Winchesters through the lens of other characters, such as the season 3 episode “Jus In Bello,” in which Sam and Dean are arrested by Victor Henriksen, and the season 7 episode “Slash Fiction” in which Dean and Sam’s dopplegangers rob banks and kill a bunch of people, loathe as I am to admit that season 7 had an effect on any part of me except my upchuck reflex. My second favourite episodes are the meta episodes, and for this episode of Holy Hell, we’ll be discussing a few: The French Mistake, he Monster at the end of this book, the real ghostbusters, Fan Fiction, Metafiction, and Don’t Call Me Shurley. I’ll also discuss Becky more broadly, because, like, of course I’ll be discussing Becky, she died for our sins.

Let’s take it back. The Monster At The End Of This Book — written by Julie Siege and Nancy Weiner and directed by Mike Rohl. Inarguably one of the better episodes in the first five seasons. Not only is Cas in it, looking so beautiful, but Sam gets something to do, thank god, and it introduces the character of Chuck, who becomes a source of comic relief over the next two seasons. The episode starts with Chuck Shurley, pen named Carver Edlund after my besties, having a vision while passed out drunk. He dreams of Sam and Dean larping as Feds and finding a series of books based on their lives that Chuck has written. They eventually track Chuck down, interrogate him, and realise that he’s a prophet of the lord, tasked with writing the Winchester Gospels. The B plot is Sam plotting to kill Lilith while Dean fails to get them out of the town to escape her. The C plot is Dean and Cas having a moment that strengthens their friendship and leads further into Cas’s eventual disobedience for Dean. Like the movie Disobedience. Exactly like the movie Disobedience. Cas definitely spits in Dean’s mouth, it’s kinda gross to be honest. Maybe I’m just not allo enough to appreciate art.

When Eric Kripke was showrunner of the first five seasons of Supernatural, he conceptualised the character of Chuck. Kripke as the author-god introduced the character of the author-prophet who would later become in Jeremy Carver’s showrun seasons the biblical God. Judith May Fathallah writes in “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural” that Kripke writes himself both into and out of the text, ending his era with Chuck winking at the camera, saying, “nothing really ends,” and disappearing. Kripke stayed on as producer, continuing to write episodes through Sera Gamble’s era, and was even inserted in text in the season 6 episode “The French Mistake”. So nothing really does end, not Kripke’s grip on the show he created, not even the show itself, which fans have jokingly referred to as continuing into its 16th season. Except we’re not joking. It will die when all of us are dead, when there is no one left to remember it. According to W R Fisher, humans are homo narrans, natural storytellers. The Supernatural fandom is telling a fidelitous narrative, one which matches our own beliefs, values and experiences instead of that of canon. Instead of, at Fathallah says, “the Greek tradition, that we should struggle to do the right thing simply because it is right, though we will suffer and be punished anyway,” the fans have created an ending for the characters that satisfies each and every one of our desires, because we each create our own endings. It’s better because we get to share them with each other, in the tradition of campfire stories, each telling our own version and building upon the others. If that’s not the epitome of mythmaking then I don’t know. It’s just great. Dean and Cas are married, Eileen and Sam are married, Jack is sometimes a baby who Claire and Kaia are forced to babysit, Jody and Donna are gonna get hitched soon. It’s season 17, time for many weddings, and Kevin Tran is alive. Kripke, you have no control over this anymore, you crusty hag.

Chuck is introduced as someone with power, but not influence over the story, only how the story is told through the medium of the novels. It’s basically a very badly written, non authorised biography, and Charlie reading literally every book and referencing things she should have no knowledge of is so damn creepy and funny. At first Chuck is surprised by his characters coming to life, despite having written it already, and when shown the intimidating array of weapons in Baby’s trunk he gets real scared. Which is the appropriate response for a skinny 5-foot-8 white guy in a bathrobe who writes terrible fantasy novels for a living.

As far as I can remember, this is the first explicitly metanarrative episode in the series, or at least the first one with in world consequences. It builds upon the lore of Christianity, angels, and God, while teasing what’s to come. Chuck and Sam have a conversation about how the rest of the season is going to play out, and Sam comes away with the impression that he’ll go down with the ship. They touch on Sam’s addiction to demon blood, which Chuck admits he didn’t write into the books, because in the world of supernatural, addiction should be demonised ha ha at every opportunity, except for Dean’s alcoholism which is cool and manly and should never be analysed as an unhealthy trauma coping mechanism.

Chuck is mostly impotent in the story of Sam and Dean, but his very presence presents an element of good luck that turns quickly into a force of antagonism in the series four finale, “Lucifer Rising”, when the archangel Raphael who defeats Lilith in this episode also kills Cas in the finale. It’s Cas’s quick thinking and Dean’s quick doing that resolve the episode and save them from Lilith, once again proving that free will is the greatest force in the universe. Cas is already tearing up pages and burning scripts. The fandom does the same, acting as gods of their own making in taking canon and transforming it into fan art. The fans aren’t impotent like Chuck, but neither do we have sway over the story in the way that Cas and Dean do. Sam isn’t interested in changing the story in the same way—he wants to kill Lilith and save the world, but in doing so continues the story in the way it was always supposed to go, the way the angels and the demons and even God wanted him to.

Neither of them are author-gods in the way that God is. We find out later that Chuck is in fact the real biblical god, and he engineers everything. The one thing he doesn’t engineer, however, is Castiel, and I’ll get to that in a minute.

The Real Ghostbusters

Season 5’s “The real ghostbusters,” written by Nancy Weiner and Erik Kripke, and directed by James L Conway, situates the Winchesters at a fan convention for the Supernatural books. While there, they are confronted by a slew of fans cosplaying as Sam, Dean, Bobby, the scarecrow, Azazel, and more. They happen to stumble upon a case, in the midst of the game where the fans pretend to be on a case, and with the help of two fans cosplaying as Sam and Dean, they put to rest a group of homicidal ghost children and save the day. Chuck as the special guest of the con has a hero moment that spurs Becky on to return his affections. And at the end, we learn that the Colt, which they’ve been hunting down to kill the devil, was given to a demon named Crowley. It’s a fun episode, but ultimately skippable. This episode isn’t so much metanarrative as it is metatextual—metatextual meaning more than one layer of text but not necessarily about the storytelling in those texts—but let’s take a look at it anyway.

The metanarrative element of a show about a series of books about the brothers the show is based on is dope and expands upon what we saw in “the monster at the end of this book”. But the episode tells a tale about about the show itself, and the fandom that surrounds it.

Where “The Monster At The End Of This Book” and the season 5 premiere “Sympathy For The Devil” poked at the coiled snake of fans and the concept of fandom, “the real ghostbusters” drags them into the harsh light of an enclosure and antagonises them in front of an audience. The metanarrative element revolves around not only the books themselves, but the stories concocted within the episode: namely Barnes and Demian the cosplayers and the story of the ghosts. The Winchester brothers’s history that we’ve seen throughout the first five seasons of the show is bared in a tongue in cheek way: while we cried with them when Sam and Dean fought with John, now the story is thrown out in such a way as to mock both the story and the fans’ relationship to it. Let me tell you, there is a lot to be made fun of on this show, but the fans’ relationship to the story of Sam, Dean and everyone they encounter along the way isn’t part of it. I don’t mean to be like, wow you can’t make fun of us ever because we’re special little snowflakes and we take everything so seriously, because you are welcome to make fun of us, but when the creators do it, I can’t help but notice a hint of malice. And I think that’s understandable in a way. Like The relationship between creator and fan is both layered and symbiotic. While Kripke and co no doubt owe the show’s popularity to the fans, especially as the fandom has grown and evolved over time, we’re not exactly free of sin. And don’t get me wrong, no fandom is. But the bad apples always seem to outweigh the good ones, and bad experiences can stick with us long past their due.

However, portraying us as losers with no lives who get too obsessed with this show — well, you know, actually, maybe they’re right. I am a loser with no life and I am too obsessed with this show. So maybe they have a point. But they’re so harsh about it. From wincestie Becky who they paint as a desperate shrew to these cosplayers who threaten Dean’s very perception of himself, we’re not painted in a very good light.

Dean says to Demian and Barnes, “It must be nice to get out of your mom’s basement.” He’s judging them for deriving pleasure from dressing up and pretending to be someone else for a night. He doesn’t seem to get the irony that he does that for a living. As the seasons wore on, the creators made sure to include episodes where Dean’s inner geek could run rampant, often in the form of dressing up like a cowboy, such as season six “Frontierland” and season 13 “Tombstone”. I had to take a break from writing this to laugh for five minutes because Dean is so funny. He’s a car gay but he only likes one car. He doesn’t follow sports. His echolalia causes him to blurt out lines from his favourite movies. He’s a posse magnet. And he loves cosplay. But he will continually degrade and insult anyone who expresses interest in role play, fandom, or interests in general. Maybe that’s why Sam is such a boring person, because Dean as his mother didn’t allow him to have any interests outside of hunting. And when Sam does express interests, Dean insults him too. What a dick. He’s my soulmate, but I am not going to stop listening to hair metal for him. That’s where I draw the line.

Where “the monster at the end of this book” is concerned with narrative and authorship, “the real ghostbusters” is concerned with fandom and fan reactions to the show. It’s not really the best example to talk about in an episode about metanarrativity, but I wanted to include it anyway. It veers from talk of narrative by focusing on the people in the periphery of the narrative—the fans and the author. In season 9 “Metafiction,” Metatron asks the question, who gives the story meaning? The text would have you believe it’s the characters. The angels think it’s God. The fandom think it’s us. The creators think it’s them. Perhaps we will never come to a consensus or even a satisfactory answer to this question. Perhaps that’s the point.

The ultimate takeaway from this episode is that ordinary people, the people Sam and Dean save, the people they save the world for, the people they die for again and again, are what give their story meaning. Chuck defeats a ghost and saves the people in the conference room from being murdered. Demian and Barnes, don’t ask me which is which, burn the bodies of the ghost children and lay their spirits to rest. The text says that ordinary, every day people can rise to the challenge of becoming extraordinary. It’s not a bad note to end on, by any means. And then we find out that Demian and Barnes are a couple, which of course Dean is surprised at, because he lacks object permanence.

This is no doubt influenced by how a good portion of the transformative fandom are queer, and also a nod to the wincesties and RPF writers like Becky who continue to bottom feed off the wrong message of this show. But then, the creators encourage that sort of thing, so who are the real clowns here? Everyone. Everyone involved with this show in any way is a clown, except for the crew, who were able to feed their families for more than a decade.

Okay side note… over the past year or so I’ve been in process of realising that even in fandom queers are in the minority. I know the statistic is that 10% of the world population is queer, but that doesn’t seem right to me? Maybe because 4/5 closest friends are queer and I hang around queers online, but I also think I lack object permanence when it comes to straight people. Like I just do not interact with straight people on a regular basis outside of my best friend and parents and school. So when I hear that someone in fandom is straight I’m like, what the fuck… can you keep that to yourself please? Like if I saw Misha Collins coming out as straight I would be like, I didn’t ask and you didn’t have to tell. Okay I’m mostly joking, but I do forget straight people exist. Mostly I don’t think about whether people are gay or trans or cis or straight unless they’ve explicitly said it and then yes it does colour my perception of them, because of course it would. If they’re part of the queer community, they’re my people. And if they’re straight and cis, then they could very well pose a threat to me and my wellbeing. But I never ask people because it’s not my business to ask. If they feel comfortable enough to tell me, that’s awesome. I think Dean feels the same way. Towards the later seasons at least, he has a good reaction when it’s revealed that someone is queer, even if it is mostly played off as a joke. It’s just that he doesn’t have a frame of reference in his own life to having a gay relationship, either his or someone he’s close to. He says to Cesar and Jesse in season 11 “The Critters” that they fight like brothers, because that’s the only way he knows how to conceptualise it. He doesn’t have a way to categorise his and Cas’s relationship, which is in many ways, long before season 15 “Despair,” harking back even to the parallels between Ruby and Cas in season 3 and 4, a romantic one, aside from that Cas is like a brother to him. Because he’s never had anyone in his life care for him the way Cas does that wasn’t Sam and Bobby, and he doesn’t recognise the romantic element of their relationship until literally Cas says it to him in the third last episode, he just—doesn’t know what his and Cas’s relationship is. He just really doesn’t know. And he grew up with a father who despised him for taking the mom and wife role in their family, the role that John placed him in, for being subservient to John’s wishes where Sam was more rebellious, so of course he wouldn’t understand either his own desires or those of anyone around him who isn’t explicitly shoving their tits in his face. He moulded his entire personality around what he thought John wanted of him, and John says to him explicitly in season 14 “Lebanon”, “I thought you’d have a family,” meaning, like him, wife and two rugrats. And then, dear god, Dean says, thinking of Sam, Cas, Jack, Claire, and Mary, “I have a family.” God that hurts so much. But since for most of his life he hasn’t been himself, he’s been the man he thought his father wanted him to be, he’s never been able to examine his own desires, wants and goals. So even though he’s really good at reading people, he is not good at reading other people’s desires unless they have nefarious intentions. Because he doesn’t recognise what he feels is attraction to men, he doesn’t recognise that in anyone else.

Okay that’s completely off topic, wow. Getting back to metanarrativity in “The Real Ghostbusters,” I’ll just cap it off by saying that the books in this episode are more a frame for the events than the events themselves. However, there are some good outtakes where Chuck answers some questions, and I’m not sure how much of that is scripted and how much is Rob Benedict just going for it, but it lends another element to the idea of Kripke as author-god. The idea of a fan convention is really cool, because at this point Supernatural conventions had been running for about 4 years, since 2006. It’s definitely a tribute to the fans, but also to their own self importance. So it’s a mixed bag, considering there were plenty of elements in there that show the good side of fandom and fans, but ultimately the Winchesters want nothing to do with it, consider it weird, and threaten Chuck when he says he’ll start releasing books again, which as far as they know is his only source of income. But it’s a fun episode and Dean is a grouchy bitch, so who the holy hell cares?

Season 10 episode “fanfiction” written by my close personal friend Robbie Thompson and directed by Phil Sgriccia is one of the funniest episodes this show has ever done. Not only is it full of metatextual and metanarrative jokes, the entire premise revolves around fanservice, but in like a fun and interesting way, not fanservice like killing the band Kansas so that Dean can listen to “Carry On My Wayward Son” in heaven twice. Twice. One version after another. Like I would watch this musical seven times in theatre, I would buy the soundtrack, I would listen to it on repeat and make all my friends listen to it when they attend my online Jitsi birthday party. This musical is my Hamilton. Top ten episodes of this show for sure. The only way it could be better is if Cas was there. And he deserved to be there. He deserved to watch little dyke Castiel make out with her girlfriend with her cute little wings, after which he and Dean share uncomfortable eye contact. Dean himself is forever coming to terms with the fact that gay people exist, but Cas should get every opportunity he can to hear that it’s super cool and great and awesome to be queer. But really he should be in every episode, all of them, all 300 plus episodes including the ones before angels were introduced. I’m going to commission the guy who edits Paddington into every movie to superimpose Cas standing on the highway into every episode at least once.

“Fan Fiction” starts with a tv script and the words “Supernatural pilot created by Eric Kripke”. This Immediately sets up the idea that it’s toying with narrative. Blah blah blah, some people go missing, they stumble into a scene from their worst nightmares: the school is putting on a musical production of a show inspired by the Supernatural books. It’s a comedy of errors. When people continue to go missing, Sam and Dean have to convince the girls that something supernatural is happening, while retaining their dignity and respect. They reveal that they are the real Sam and Dean, and Dean gives the director Marie a summary of their lives over the last five seasons, but they aren’t taken seriously. Because, like, of course they aren’t. Even when the girls realise that something supernatural is happening, they don’t actually believe that the musical they’ve made and the series of books they’re basing it on are real. Despite how Sam and Dean Winchester were literal fugitives for many years at many different times, and this was on the news, and they were wanted by the FBI, despite how they pretend to be FBI, and no one mentions it??? Did any of the staffwriters do the required reading or just do what I used to do for my 40 plus page readings of Baudrillard and just skim the first sentence of every paragraph? Neat hack for you: paragraphs are set up in a logical order of Topic, Example, Elaboration, Linking sentence. Do you have to read 60 pages of some crusty French dude waxing poetic about how his best friend Pierre wants to shag his wife and making that your problem? Read the first and last sentence of every paragraph. Boom, done. Just cut your work in half.

The musical highlights a lot of the important moments of the show so far. The brothers have, as Charlie Bradbury says, their “broment,” and as Marie says, their “boy melodrama scene,” while she insinuates that there is a sexual element to their relationship. This show never passed up an opportunity to mention incest. It’s like: mentioning incest 5000 km, not being disgusting 1 km, what a hard decision. Actually, they do have to walk on their knees for 100 miles through the desert repenting. But there are other moments—such as Mary burning on the ceiling, a classic, Castiel waiting for Dean at the side of the highway, and Azazel poisoning Sam. With the help of the high schoolers, Sam and Dean overcome Calliope, the muse and bad guy of the episode, and save the day. What began as their lives reinterpreted and told back to them turns into a story they have some agency over.

In this episode, as opposed to “The Monster At The End Of This Book,” The storytelling has transferred from an alcoholic in a bathrobe into the hands of an overbearing and overachieving teenage girl, and honestly why not. Transformative fiction is by and large run by women, and queer women, so Marie and her stage manager slash Jody Mills’s understudy Maeve are just following in the footsteps of legends. This kind of really succinctly summarises the difference between curative fandom and transformative fandom, the former of which is populated mostly by men, and the latter mostly by women. As defined by LordByronic in 2015, Curative fandom is more like enjoying the text, collecting the merchandise, organising the knowledge — basically Reddit in terms of fandom curation. Transformative fandom is transforming the source text in some way — making fanart, fanfic, mvs, or a musical — basically Tumblr in general, and Archive of our own specifically. Like what do non fandom people even do on Tumblr? It is a complete mystery to me. Whereas Chuck literally writes himself into the narrative he receives through visions, Marie and co have agency and control over the narrative by writing it themselves.

Chuck does appear in the episode towards the end, his first appearance after five seasons. The theory that he killed those lesbian theatre girls makes me wanna curl up and die, so I don’t subscribe to it. Chuck watched the musical and he liked it and he gave unwarranted notes and then he left, the end.

The Supernatural creative team is explicitly acknowledging the fandom’s efforts by making this episode. They’re writing us in again, with more obsessive fans, but with lethbians this time, which makes it infinitely better. And instead of showing us as potential date rapists, we’re just cool chicks who like to make art. And that’s fucken awesome.

I just have to note that the characters literally say the word Destiel after Dean sees the actors playing Dean and Cas making out. He storms off and tells Sam to shut the fuck up when Sam makes fun of him, because Dean’s sexuality is NOT threatened he just needs to assert his dominance as a straight hetero man who has NEVER looked at another man’s lips and licked his own. He just… forgets that gay people exist until someone reminds him. BUT THEN, after a rousing speech that is stolen from Rent or Wicked or something, he echoes Marie’s words back, saying “put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” What does Dean know about subbing, I wonder. Okay I’m suddenly reminded that he did literally go to a kink bar and get hit on by a leather daddy. Oh Dean, the experiences you have as a broad-shouldered, pixie-faced man with cowboy legs. You were born for this role.

Metatron is my favourite villain. As one tumblr user pointed out, he is an evil English literature major, which is just a normal English literature major. The season nine episode “Meta Fiction” written by my main man robbie thompson and directed by thomas j wright, happens within a curious season. Castiel, once again, becomes the leader of a portion of the heavenly host to take down Metatron, and Dean is affected by the Mark Of Cain. Sam was recently possessed by Gadreel, who killed Kevin in Sam’s body and then decided to run off with Metatron. Metatron himself is recruiting angels to join him, in the hopes that he can become the new God. It’s the first introduction of Hannah, who encourages Cas to recruit angels himself to take on Metatron. Also, we get to see Gabriel again, who is always a delight.

This episode is a lot of fun. Metatron poses questions like, who tells a story and who is the most important person in the telling? Is it the writer? The audience? He starts off staring over his typewriter to address the camera, like a pompous dickhead. No longer content with consuming stories, he’s started to write his own. And they are hubristic ones about becoming God, a better god than Chuck ever was, but to do it he needs to kill a bunch of people and blame it on Cas. So really, he’s actually exactly like Chuck who blamed everything on Lucifer.

But I think the most apt analogy we can use for this in terms of who is the creator is to think of Metatron as a fanfiction writer. He consumes the media—the Winchester Gospels—and starts to write his own version of events—leading an army to become God and kill Cas. Nevermind that no one has been able to kill Cas in a way that matters or a way that sticks. Which is canon, and what Metatron is trying to do is—well not fanon because it actually does impact the Winchesters’ storyline. It would be like if one of the writers of Supernatural began writing Supernatural fanfiction before they got a job on the show. Which as my generation and the generations coming after me get more comfortable with fanfiction and fandom, is going to be the case for a lot of shows. I think it’s already the case for Riverdale. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the woman who wrote the bi Dean essay go to work on Riverdale? Or something? I dunno, I have the post saved in my tumblr likes but that is quagmire of epic proportions that I will easily get lost in if I try to find it.

Okay let me flex my literary degree. As Englund and Leach say in “Ethnography and the metanarratives of modernity,” “The influential “literary turn,” in which the problems of ethnography were seen as largely textual and their solutions as lying in experimental writing seems to have lost its impetus.” This can be taken to mean, in the context of Supernatural, that while Metatron’s writings seek to forge a new path in history, forgoing fate for a new kind of divine intervention, the problem with Metatron is that he’s too caught up in the textual, too caught up in the writing, to be effectual. And this as we see throughout seasons 9, 10 and 11, has no lasting effect. Cas gets his grace back, Dean survives, and Metatron becomes a powerless human. In this case, the impetus is his grace, which he loses when Cas cuts it out of him, a mirror to Metatron cutting out Cas’s grace.

However, I realise that the concept of ethnography in Supernatural is a flawed one, ethnography being the observation of another culture: a lot of the angels observe humanity and seem to fit in. However, Cas has to slowly acclimatise to the Winchesters as they tame him, but he never quite fit in—missing cues, not understanding jokes or Dean’s personal space, the scene where he says, “We have a guinea pig? Where?” Show him the guinea pig Sam!!! He wants to see it!!! At most he passes as a human with autism. Cas doesn’t really observe humanity—he observes nature, as seen in season 7 “reading is fundamental” and “survival of the fittest”. Even the human acts he talks about in season 6 “the man who would be king” are from hundreds or thousands of years ago. He certainly doesn’t observe popular culture, which puts him at odds with Dean, who is made up of 90 per cent pop culture references and 10 per cent flannel. Metatron doesn’t seek to blend in with humanity so much as control it, which actually is the most apt example of ethnography for white people in the last—you know, forever. But of course the writers didn’t seek to make this analogy. It is purely by chance, and maybe I’m the only person insane enough to realise it. But probably not. There are a lot of cookies much smarter than me in the Supernatural fandom and they’ve like me have grown up and gone to university and gotten real jobs in the real world and real haircuts. I’m probably the only person to apply Englund and Leach to it though.

And yes, as I read this paper I did need to have one tab open on Google, with the word “define” in the search bar.

Metatron has a few lines in this that I really like. He says:

“The universe is made up of stories, not atoms.”

“You’re going to have to follow my script.”

“I’m an entity of my word.”

It’s really obvious, but they’re pushing the idea that Metatron has become an agent of authorship instead of just a consumer of media. He even throws a Supernatural book into his fire — a symbolic act of burning the script and flipping the writer off, much like Cas did to God and the angels in season 5. He’s not a Kripke figure so much as maybe a Gamble, Carver or Dabb figure, in that he usurps Chuck and becomes the author-god. This would be extremely postmodern of him if he didn’t just do exactly what Chuck was doing, except worse somehow. In fact, it’s postmodern of Cas to reject heaven’s narrative and fall for Dean. As one tumblr user points out, Cas really said “What’s fate compared to Dean Winchester?”

Okay this transcript is almost 8000 words already, and I still have two more episodes to review, and more things to say, so I’ll leave you with this. Metatron says to Cas, “Out of all of God’s wind up toys, you’re the only one with any spunk.” Why Cas has captured his attention comes down more than anything to a process of elimination. Most angels fucking suck. They follow the rules of whoever puts themselves in charge, and they either love Cas or hate him, or just plainly wanna fuck him, and there have been few angels who stood out. Balthazar was awesome, even though I hated him the first time I watched season 6. He UNSUNK the Titanic. Legend status. And Gabriel was of course the OG who loves to fuck shit up. But they’re gone at this stage in the narrative, and Cas survives. Cas always survives. He does have spunk. And everyone wants to fuck him.

Season 11 episode 20 “Don’t Call Me Shurley,” the last episode written by the Christ like figure of Robbie Thompson — are we sensing a theme here? — and directed by my divine enemy Robert Singer, starts with Metatron dumpster diving for food. I’m not even going to bother commenting on this because like… it’s supernatural and it treats complex issues like homelessness and poverty with zero nuance. Like the Winchesters live in poverty but it’s fun and cool because they always scrape by but Metatron lives in poverty and it’s funny. Cas was homeless and it was hard but he needed to do it to atone for his sins, and Metatron is homeless and it’s funny because he brought it on himself by being a murderous dick. Fucking hell. Robbie, come on. The plot focuses on God, also known as Chuck Shurley, making himself known to Metatron and asking for Metatron’s opinion on his memoir. Meanwhile, the Winchesters battle another bout of infectious serial killer fog sent by Amara. At the end of the episode, Chuck heals everyone affected by the fog and reveals himself to Sam and Dean.

Chuck says that he didn’t foresee Metatron trying to become god, but the idea of Season 15 is that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all their lives. When Metatron tries, he fails miserably, is locked up in prison, tortured by Dean, then rendered useless as a human and thrown into the world without a safety net. His authorship is reduced to nothing, and he is reduced to dumpster diving for food. He does actually attempt to live his life as someone who records tragedies as they happen and sells the footage to news stations, which is honestly hilarious and amazing and completely unsurprising because Metatron is, at the heart of it, an English Literature major. In true bastard style, he insults Chuck’s work and complains about the bar, but slips into his old role of editor when Chuck asks him to.

The theory I’m consulting for this uses the term metanarrative in a different way than I am. They consider it an overarching narrative, a grand narrative like religion. Chuck’s biography is in a sense most loyal to Middleton and Walsh’s view of metanarrative: “the universal story of the world from arche to telos, a grand narrative encompassing world history from beginning to end.” Except instead of world history, it’s God’s history, and since God is construed in Supernatural as just some guy with some powers who is as fallible as the next some guy with some powers, his story has biases and agendas. Okay so in the analysis I’m getting Middleton and Walsh’s quotes from, James K A Smith’s “A little story about metanarratives,” Smith dunks on them pretty bad, but for Supernatural purposes their words ring true. Think of them as the BuckLeming of Lyotard’s postmodern metanarrative analysis: a stopped clock right twice a day. Is anyone except me understanding the sequence of words I’m saying right now. Do I just have the most specific case of brain worms ever found in human history. I’m currently wearing my oversized Keith Haring shirt and dipping pretzels into peanut butter because it’s 3.18 in the morning and the homosexuals got to me. The total claims a comprehensive metanarrative of world history make do indeed, as Middleton and Walsh claim, lead to violence, stay with me here, because Chuck’s legacy is violence, and so is Metatron’s, and in trying to reject the metanarrative, Sam and Dean enact violence. Mostly Dean, because in season 15 he sacrifices his own son twice to defeat Chuck. But that means literally fighting violence with violence. Violence is, after all, all they know. Violence is the lens through which they interact with the world. If the writers wanted to do literally anything else, they could have continued Dean’s natural character progression into someone who eschews the violence that stems from intergeneration trauma — yes I will continue to use the phrase intergenerational trauma whenever I refer to Dean — and becomes a loving father and husband. Sam could eschew violence and start a monster rehabilitation centre with Eileen.

This episode of Holy Hell is me frantically grabbing at straws to make sense of a narrative that actively hates me and wants to kick me to death. But the violence Sam and Dean enact is not at a metanarrative level, because they are not author-gods of their own narrative. In season 15 “Atomic Monsters,” Becky points out that the ending of the Supernatural book series is bad because the brothers die, and then, in a shocking twist of fate, Dean does die, and the narrative is bad. The writers set themselves a goal post to kick through and instead just slammed their heat into the bars. They set up the dartboard and were like, let’s aim the darts at ourselves. Wouldn’t that be fun. Season 15’s writing is so grossly incompetent that I believe every single conspiracy theory that’s come out of the finale since November, because it’s so much more compelling than whatever the fuck happened on the road so far. Carry on? Why yes, I think I will carry on, carry on like a pork chop, screaming at the bars of my enclosure until I crack my voice open like an egg and spill out all my rage and frustration. The world will never know peace again. It’s now 3.29 and I’ve written over 9000 words of this transcript. And I’m not done.

Middleton and Walsh claim that metanarratives are merely social constructions masquerading as universal truths. Which is, exactly, Supernatural. The creators have constructed this elaborate web of narrative that they want to sell us as the be all and end all. They won’t let the actors discuss how they really feel about the finale. They won’t let Misha Collins talk about Destiel. They want us to believe it was good, actually, that Dean, a recovering alcoholic with a 30 year old infant son and a husband who loves him, deserved to die by getting NAILED, while Sam, who spent the last four seasons, the entirety of Andrew Dabb’s run as showrunner, excelling at creating a hunter network and romancing both the queen of hell and his deaf hunter girlfriend, should have lived a normie life with a normie faceless wife. Am I done? Not even close. I started this episode and I’m going to finish it.

When we find out that Chuck is God in the episode of season 11, it turns everything we knew about Chuck on its head. We find out in Season 15 that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all along, that everything that happened to them is his doing. The one thing he couldn’t control was Cas’s choice to rebel. If we take him at his word, Cas is the only true force of free will in the entire universe, and more specifically, the love that Cas had for Dean which caused him to rebel and fall from heaven. — This theory has holes of course. Why would Lucifer torture Lilith into becoming the first demon if he didn’t have free will? Did Chuck make him do that? And why? So that Chuck could be the hero and Lucifer the bad guy, like Lucifer claimed all along? That’s to say nothing of Adam and Eve, both characters the show introduced in different ways, one as an antagonist and the other as the narrative foil to Dean and Cas’s romance. Thinking about it makes my head hurt, so I’m just not gunna.

So Chuck was doing the writing all along. And as Becky claims in “Atomic Monsters,” it’s bad writing. The writers explicitly said, the ending Chuck wrote is bad because there’s no Cas and everyone dies, and then they wrote an ending where there is no Cas and everyone dies. So talk about self-fulfilling prophecies. Talk about giant craters in the earth you could see from 800 kilometres away but you still fell into. Meanwhile fan writers have the opportunity to write a million different endings, all of which satisfy at least one person. The fandom is a hydra, prolific and unstoppable, and we’ll keep rewriting the ending a million more times.

And all this is not even talking about the fact that Chuck is a man, Metatron is a man, Sam and Dean and Cas are men, and the writers and directors of the show are, by an overwhelming majority, men. Most of them are white, straight, cis men. Feminist scholarship has done a lot to unpack the damage done by paternalistic approaches to theory, sociology, ethnography, all the -ys, but I propose we go a step further with these men. Kill them. Metanarratively, of course. Amara, the Darkness, God’s sister, had a chance to write her own story without Chuck, after killing everything in the universe, and I think she had the right idea. Knock it all down to build it from the ground up. Billie also had the opportunity to write a narrative, but her folly was, of course, putting any kind of faith in the Winchesters who are also grossly incompetent and often fail up. She is, as all author-gods on this show are, undone by Castiel. The only one with any spunk, the only one who exists outside of his own narrative confines, the only one the author-gods don’t have any control over. The one who died for love, and in dying, gave life.

The French Mistake

Let’s change the channel. Let’s calm ourselves and cleanse our libras. Let’s commune with nature and chug some sage bongs.

“The French Mistake” is a song from the Mel Brooks film Blazing Saddles. In the iconic second last scene of the film, as the cowboys fight amongst themselves, the camera pans back to reveal a studio lot and a door through which a chorus of gay dancersingers perform “the French Mistake”. The lyrics go, “Throw out your hands, stick out your tush, hands on your hips, give ‘em a push. You’ll be surprised you’re doing the French Mistake.”

I’m not sure what went through the heads of the Supernatural creators when they came up with the season 6 episode, “The French Mistake,” written by the love of my life Ben Edlund and directed by some guy Charles Beeson. Just reading the Wikipedia summary is so batshit incomprehensible. In short: Balthazar sends Sam and Dean to an alternate universe where they are the actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who play Sam and Dean on the tv show Supernatural. I don’t think this had ever been done in television history before. The first seven seasons of this show are certifiable. Like this was ten years ago. Think about the things that have happened in the last 10 slutty, slutty years. We have lived through atrocities and upheaval and the entire world stopping to mourn, but also we had twitter throughout that entire time, which makes it infinitely worse.

In this universe, Sam and Dean wear makeup, Cas is played by attractive crying man Misha Collins, and Genevieve Padalecki nee Cortese makes an appearance. Magic doesn’t exist, Serge has good ideas, and the two leads have to act in order to get through the day. Sorry man I do not know how to pronounce your name.

Sidenote: I don’t know if me being attracted aesthetically to Misha Collins is because he’s attractive, because this show has gaslighted me into thinking he’s attractive, or because Castiel’s iconic entrance in 2008 hit my developing mind like a torpedo full of spaghetti and blew my fucking brains all over the place. It’s one of life’s little mysteries and God’s little gifts.

Let’s talk about therapy. More specifically, “Agency and purpose in narrative therapy: questioning the postmodern rejection of metanarrative” by Cameron Lee. In this paper, Lee outlines four key ideas as proposed by Freedman and Combs:

Realities are socially constructed

Realities are constituted through language

Realities are organised and maintained through narrative

And there are no essential truths.

Let’s break this down in the case of this episode. Realities are socially constructed: the reality of Sam and Dean arose from the Bush era. Do I even need to elaborate? From what I understand with my limited Australian perception, and being a child at the time, 9/11 really was a prominent shifting point in the last twenty years. As Americans describe it, sometimes jokingly, it was the last time they were really truly innocent. That means to me that until they saw the repercussions of their government’s actions in funding turf wars throughout the middle east for a good chunk of the 20th Century, they allowed themselves to be hindered by their own ignorance. The threat of terrorism ran rampant throughout the States, spurred on by right wing nationalists and gun-toting NRA supporters, so it’s really no surprise that the show Supernatural started with the premise of killing everything in sight and driving around with only your closest kin and a trunk full of guns. Kripke constructed that reality from the social-political climate of the time, and it has wrought untold horrors on the minds of lesbians who lived through the noughties, in that we are now attracted to Misha Collins.

Number two: Realities are constituted through language. Before a show can become a show, it needs to be a script. It’s written down, typed up, and given to actors who say the lines out loud. In this respect, they are using the language of speech and words to convey meaning. But tv shows are not all about words, and they’re barely about scripts. From what I understand of being raised by television, they are about action, visuals, imagery, and behaviours. All of the work that goes into them—the scripts, the lighting, the audio, the sound mixing, the cameras, the extras, the ADs, the gaffing, the props, the stunts, everything—is about conveying a story through the medium of images. In that way, images are the language. The reality of the show Supernatural, inside the show Supernatural, is constituted through words: the script, the journalists talking to Sam, the makeup artist taking off Dean’s makeup, the conversations between the creators, the tweets Misha sends. But also through imagery: the fish tank in Jensen’s trailer, the model poses on the front cover of the magazine, the opulence of Jared’s house, Misha’s iconic sweater. Words and images are the language that constitutes both of these realities. Okay for real, I feel like I’ve only seen this episode max three times, including when I watched it for research for this episode, but I remember so much about it.

Number three: realities are organised and maintained through narrative. In this universe of the French Mistake, their lives are structured around two narratives: the internal narrative of the show within the show, in which they are two actors on a tv set; and the episode narrative in which they need to keep the key safe and return to their own universe. This is made difficult by the revelation that magic doesn’t work in this universe, however, they find a way. Before they can get back, though, an avenging angel by the name of Virgil guns down author-god Eric Kripke and tries to kill the Winchesters. However, they are saved by Balthazar and the freeze frame and brought back into their own world, the world of Supernatural the show, not Supernatural the show within the show within the nesting doll. And then that reality is done with, never to be revisited or even mentioned, but with an impact that has lasted longer than the second Bush administration.

And number four: there are no essential truths. This one is a bit tricky because I can’t find what Lee means by essential truths, so I’m just going to interpret that. To me, essential truths means what lies beneath the narratives we tell ourselves. Supernatural was a show that ran for 15 years. Supernatural had actors. Supernatural was showrun by four different writers. In the show within a show, there is nothing, because that ceases to exist for longer than the forty two minute episode “The French Mistake”. And since Supernatural no longer exists except in our computers, it is nothing too. It is only the narratives we tell ourselves to sleep better at night, to wake up in the morning with a smile, to get through the day, to connect with other people, to understand ourselves better. It’s not even the narrative that the showrunners told, because they have no agency over it as soon as it shows up on our screens. The essential truth of the show is lost in the translation from creating to consuming. Who gives the story meaning? The people watching it and the people creating it. We all do.

Lee says that humans are predisposed to construct narratives in order to make sense of the world. We see this in cultures from all over the world: from cave paintings to vases, from The Dreaming to Beowulf, humans have always constructed stories. The way you think about yourself is a story that you’ve constructed. The way you interact with your loved ones and the furries you rightfully cyberbully on Twitter is influenced by the narratives you tell yourself about them. And these narratives are intricate, expansive, personalised, and can colour our perceptions completely, so that we turn into a different person when we interact with one person as opposed to another.

Whatever happened in season 6, most of which I want to forget, doesn’t interest me in the way I’m telling myself the writers intended. For me, the entirety of season 6 was based around the premise of Cas being in love with Dean, and the complete impotence of this love. He turns up when Dean calls, he agonises as he watches Dean rake leaves and live his apple pie life with Lisa, and Dean is the person he feels most horribly about betraying. He says, verbatim, to Sam, “Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” And Balthazar says, “You’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” He says this in season 6, and we couldn’t do a fucken thing about it.

The song “The French Mistake” shines a light on the hidden scene of gay men performing a gay narrative, in the midst of a scene about the manliest profession you can have: professional horse wrangler, poncho wearer, and rodeo meister, the cowboy. If this isn’t a perfect encapsulation of the lovestory between Dean and Cas, which Ben Edlund has been championing from day fucking one of Misha Collins walking onto that set with his sex hair and chapped lips, then I don’t know what the fuck we’re even doing here. What in the hell else could it possibly mean. The layers to this. The intricacy. The agendas. The subtextual AND blatant queerness. The micro aggressions Crowley aimed at Car in “The Man Who Would Be King,” another Bedlund special. Bed Edlund is a fucking genius. Bed Edlund is cool girl. Ben Edlund is the missing link. Bed Edlund IS wikileaks. Ben Edlund is a cool breeze on a humid summer day. Ben Edlund is the stop loading button on a browser tab. Ben Edlund is the perfect cross between Spotify and Apple Music, in which you can search for good playlists, but without having to be on Spotify. He can take my keys and fuck my wife. You best believe I’m doing an entire episode of Holy Hell on Bedlund’s top five. He is the reason I want to get into staffwriting on a tv show. I saw season 4 episode “On the head of a pin” when my brain was still torpedoed spaghetti mush from the premiere, and it nestled its way deep into my exposed bones, so that when I finally recovered from that, I was a changed person. My god, this transcript is 11,000 words, and I haven’t even finished the Becky section. Which is a good transition.

Oh, Becky. She is an incarnation of how the writers, or at least Kripke, view the fans. Watching season 5 “Sympathy for the Devil” live in 2009 was a whole fucking trip that I as a baby gay was not prepared for. Figuring out my sexuality was a journey that started with the Supernatural fandom and is in some aspects still raging against the dying of the light today. Add to that, this conception of the audience was this, like, personification of the librarian cellist from Juno, but also completely without boundaries, common sense, or shame. It made me wonder about my position in the narrative as a consumer consuming. Is that how Kripke saw me, specifically? Was I like Becky? Did my forays into DeanCasNatural on El Jay dot com make me a fucking loser whose only claim to fame is writing some nasty fanfiction that I’ve since deleted all traces of? Don’t get me wrong, me and my unhinged Casgirl friends loved Becky. I can’t remember if I ever wrote any fanfiction with her in it because I was mostly writing smut, which is extremely Becky coded of me, but I read some and my friends and I would always chat about her when she came up. She was great entertainment value before season 7. But in the eyes of the powers that be, Becky, like the fans themselves, are expendable. First they turned her into a desperate bride wannabe who drugs Sam so that he’ll be with her, then Chuck waves his hand and she disappears. We’re seeing now with regards to Destiel, Cas, and Misha Collins this erasure of them from the narrative. Becky says in season 15 “Atomic Monsters” that the ending Chuck writes is bad because, for one, there’s no Cas, and that’s exactly what’s happening to the text post-finale. It literally makes me insane akin to the throes of mania to think about the layers of this. They literally said, “No Cas = bad” and now Misha isn’t even allowed to talk in his Cassona voice—at least at the time I wrote that—to the detriment of the fans who care about him. It’s the same shit over and over. They introduce something we like, they realise they have no control over how much we like it, and then they pretend they never introduced it in the first place. Season 7, my god. The only reason Gamble brought back Cas was because the ratings were tanking the show. I didn’t even bother watching most of it live, and would just hear from my friends whether Cas was in the episodes or not. And then Sera, dear Sera, had the gall to say it was a Homer’s Odyssey narrative. I’m rusty on Homer aka I’ve never read it but apparently Odysseus goes away, ends up with a wife on an island somewhere, and then comes back to Terabithia like it never happened. How convenient. But since Sera Gamble loves to bury her gays, we can all guess why Cas was written out of the show: Cas being gay is a threat to the toxic heteronormativity spouted by both the show and the characters themselves. In season 15, after Becky gets her life together, has kids, gets married, and starts a business, she is outgrowing the narrative and Chuck kills her. The fans got Destiel Wedding trending on Twitter, and now the creators are acting like he doesn’t exist. New liver, same eagles.

I have to add an adendum: as of this morning, Sunday 11th, don’t ask me what time that is in Americaland, Misha Collins did an online con/Q&A thing and answered a bunch of questions about Cas and Dean, which goes to show that he cannot be silenced. So the narrative wants to be told. It’s continuing well into it’s 16th or 17th season. It’s going to keep happening and they have no recourse to stop it. So fuck you, Supernatural.

I did write the start of a speech about representation but, who the holy hell cares. I also read some disappointing Masters theses that I hope didn’t take them longer to research and write than this episode of a podcast I’m making for funsies took me, considering it’s the same number of pages. Then again I have the last four months and another 8 years of fandom fuelling my obsession, and when I don’t sleep I write, hence the 4,000 words I knocked out in the last 12 hours.

Some final words. Lyotard defines postmodernism, the age we live in, as an incredulity towards metanarratives. Modernism was obsessed with order and meaning, but postmodernism seeks to disrupt that. Modernists lived within the frame of the narrative of their society, but postmodernists seek to destroy the frame and live within our own self-written contexts. Okay I love postmodernist theory so this has been a real treat for me. Yoghurt, Sam? Postmodernist theory? Could I BE more gay?

Middleton and Walsh in their analysis of postmodernism claim that biblical faith is grounded in metanarrative, and explore how this intersects with an era that rejects metanarrative. This is one of the fundamental ideas Supernatural is getting at throughout definitely the last season, but other seasons as well. The narratives of Good vs Evil, Michael vs Lucifer, Dean vs Sam, were encoded into the overarching story of the show from season 1, and since then Sam and Dean have sought to break free of them. Sam broke free of John’s narrative, which was the hunting life, and revenge, and this moralistic machismo that they wrapped themselves up in. If they’re killing the evil, then they’re not the evil. That’s the story they told, and the impetus of the show that Sam was sucked back into. But this thread unravelled in later seasons when Dean became friends with Benny and the idea that all supernatural creatures are inherently evil unravelled as well. While they never completely broke free of John’s hold over them, welcoming Jack into their lives meant confronting a bias that had been ingrained in them since Dean was 4 years old and Sam 6 months. In the face of the question, “are all monsters monstrous?” the narrative loosens its control. Even by questioning it, it throws into doubt the overarching narrative of John’s plan, which is usurped at the end of season 2 when they kill Azazel by Dean’s demon deal and a new narrative unfolds. John as author-god is usurped by the actual God in season 4, who has his own narrative that controls the lives of Sam, Dean and Cas.

Okay like for real, I do actually think the metanarrativity in Supernatural is something that should be studied by someone other than me, unless you wanna pay me for it and then shit yeah. It is extremely cool to introduce a biographical narrative about the fictional narrative it’s in. It’s cool that the characters are constantly calling this narrative into focus by fighting against it, struggling to break free from their textual confines to live a life outside of the external forces that control them. And the thing is? The really real, honest thing? They have. Sam, Dean and Cas have broken free of the narrative that Kripke, Carver, Gamble and Dabb wrote for them. The very fact that the textual confession of love that Cas has for Dean ushered in a resurgence of fans, fandom and activity that has kept the show trending for five months after it ended, is just phenomenal. People have pointed out that fans stopped caring about Game of Thrones as soon as it ended. Despite the hold they had over tv watchers everywhere, their cultural currency has been spent. The opposite is true for Supernatural. Despite how the finale of the show angered and confused people, it gains more momentum every day. More fanworks, more videos, more fics, more art, more ire, more merch is being generated by the fans still. The Supernatural subreddit, which was averaging a few posts a week by season 15, has been incensed by the finale. And yours truly happily traipsed back into the fandom snake pit after 8 years with a smile on my face and a skip in my step ready to pump that dopamine straight into my veins babeeeeeeyyyyy. It’s been WILD. I recently reconnected with one of my mutuals from 2010 and it’s like nothing’s changed. We’re both still unhinged and we both still simp for Supernatural. Even before season 15, I was obsessed with the podcast Ride Or Die, which I started listening to in late 2019, and Supernatural was always in the back of my mind. You just don’t get over your first fandom. Actually, Danny Phantom was my first fandom, and I remember being 12 talking on Danny Phantom forums to people much too old to be the target audience of the show. So I guess that hasn’t left me either. And the fondest memories I have of Supernatural is how the characters have usurped their creators to become mythic, long past the point they were supposed to die a quiet death. The myth weaving that the Supernatural fandom is doing right now is the legacy that will endure.

References

I got all of these for free from Google Scholar!

Judith May Fathallah, “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural.”

James K A Smith, “A Little Story About Metanarratives: Lyotard, Religion and Postmodernism Revisited.” 2001.

Cameron Lee, “Agency and Purpose in Narrative Therapy: Questioning the Postmodern Rejection of Metanarrative.” 2004.

Harri Englund and James Leach, “Ethnography and the Meta Narratives of Modernity.” 2000.

https://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/mel-brooks-explains-french-mistake-blazing-saddles-blu-ray/

#transcripts #supernatural #supernatural podcast #<60mins #this is first and foremost a podcast about cas and misha collins

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prosopopeya · 4 years ago

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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ladyettejin · 4 years ago

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I'm always excited to find another SPN fan! Here's a fun challenge for you: what are your five or so favorite seasons, ten favorite episodes, and five favorite characters other than Sam/Dean/Cas?!

AAAAAH this is definitely going to be a challenge but I am so excited to get into this, thank you a million. I can and will talk about Supernatural forever. This’ll be a long post so I’ll add a little break here.

Favorite seasons (and I can only pick five from fifteen, this is killing me):

1. Season One - the aesthetic. This is it. Back roads, long drives, greys and blues and monster hunts and brothers learning how to be brothers. I can watch just this first season alone and feel everything that the rest of the show ended up making me feel. I can look at them then and know where they’re going and just feel everything.

2. Season Two - this one is my favorite season altogether because this is when I really fell in love with the show. Season one, the brothers were getting into the rhythm of it, and then season two it just took off. The storyline was building, the characters were building, everything is just *chef’s kiss*

3. Season Four - Sam is struggling so hard and I love him so much. And then the ANGELS show up. And then you get to playing about with the parallels of God/John and Angels/Sam’n’Dean and you give me an angel struggling with his sense of duty and he ends up questioning his entire reality? I live.

4. Season Five - it’s just so gorgeous. Threads are pulling together, the big apocalypse arc is coming to the climax, the stakes are so high and the acting is so good and my heart breaks every time.

5. Season Eight - I got so invested in season eight. The boys working on completing the trials. Everything Sam was going through because of them, and how much I love his strength and how much I need him to know he’s loved and worthy. And then that finale? Oh my god my HEART. Ten Favorite Episodes (again, I’m limited and this kills me):

1. Nightshifter (2.12) - it’s amazing. It’s stressful, it’s gorgeous, and oh my god that realization that now the boys are on the run from the law, officially? The way they escape? Renegade?! GOD that’s good.

2. Bad Day at Black Rock (3.3) - so funny. I love seeing how the Rabbit’s Foot affects my boys, it’s scary but also funny, and then we get to meet Bela Talbot for the first time, which, beautiful, amazing, forever grateful.

3. Sex and Violence (4.14) - the siren hunt is GREAT. I love the chemistry between Sam and the doctor, that scene in her office lives rent free in my mind, and I love how the siren for Dean isn’t a hot lady, it’s a cute faux-agent dude. I have feelings about this.

4. The End (5.4) - Omg such an episode. The postapocalypse, where Sam said yes and Dean refused and now Cas is broken and Sam is Lucifer in a white suit with a red rose and the things this episode does to my heart, just, argh.

5. Changing Channels (5.8) - genuinely funny. I love how creative and goofy they let themselves get. And I love how you have all the pain of being trapped by the Trickster without the whole “Dean is repeatedly dying and maybe it’s fascinating and I might put it on the list because Tuesdays will literally never be the same for me but also oh my god it hurts.”

6. Swan Song (5.22) - I honestly think this is my favorite episode of all of them. I have sobbed, absolutely sobbed over this one. Everything arches, everything fits, and oh my god, Sam. Sam Winchester literally fights back the devil. He looks at his brother, and he remembers everything that brotherhood means, and he literally holds back Lucifer. And he jumps into that pit, knowing full well what he’s doing. What he’s sacrificing. He’s so strong, and he’s so selfless, and he’s so beautiful. And my heart cannot take it.

7. The French Mistake (6.15) - seriously, the meta fiction of this one kills me. I love Sam and Dean having opinions about Jared and Jensen. I love seeing Sam and Dean react to the difference between Castiel and Misha. I love watching them try and act like they can’t actually act. That’s good acting and I love it completely.

8. The Man Who Would Be King (6.20) - I LOVE CASTIEL SO MUCH. I just, I love watching him come to terms with himself. I love the pain and the struggle and the angst. This episode feels big to me, like intrinsically big to the storyline and to Cas as a character.

9. Slash Fiction (7.6) - it’s just so much fun watching Leviathans pretend to be my boys. It’s so stressful and angsty and I love it. We also learn how to kill them, and I’ll be honest, I love the lore, I absolutely love the way the show gives us lore like that. It’s a core quality since that first season and it’s beautiful.

10. The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo (7.20) - I love Charlie. I love her relationship with Dean. I love this episode for bringing her to me, and for making her a fun awkward cute hacker. And I love watching Dean teach her how to flirt. Five Favorite Characters (who are not Sam or Dean or Cas):

1. Charlie Bradbury - she was cute, she was clever, and she loved Sam and Dean honestly and easily, and my boys need that kind of relationship in their life.

2. Bela Talbot - she was gorgeous, she was smart, she was amoral, she was legitimately fascinating and well acted too, and I wish we’d seen more of her.

3. Bobby Singer - he may not have been blood related to Sam and Dean but he absolutely loved them like a father and they loved him so much and also I love the episode Weekend at Bobby’s, which almost got put on my top ten list and I’m definitely bringing it up here. It’s great watching him work. Beautiful, even. It would have been nice to see Sam and Dean take up those reins.

4. Gabriel - he was so cute and I love the whole prankster thing and then it turns out he’s an angel and then he actually tries to help but ends up dying and I just, I have a lot of feelings about what Gabriel brought to the party.

5. Crowley - The snark! The sass! The good heart hidden inside layers of asshat. He just wanted to be loved. And I do. Favorite demon ever, hands down.

#supernatural #i have been talking about supernatural for weeks nonstop #i will continue to do so #i'm drowning in the feels #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #bobby singer #charlie bradbury #gabriel #crowley #lucifer #bela talbot #my faves

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katehuntington · 5 years ago

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Title: November 2nd Author: Kate Huntington Fandom: Supernatural Timeline: Season 8/9 (before Mary comes back) Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader. (Sam, Castiel, John, and Mary mentioned) Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Warnings: Angst, grief over loss of family, fluff, sad!Dean Word Count: 2276 words Summary: The 2nd day of November, the day Dean’s mother died, is always a tough one to get through. This time however, Y/N is by his side to offer him support. Author’s note: This is a sad oneshot, people. But on this day, November 2nd, the day when it all started, it’s more than fitting. Beta’d by @winchest09 & @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

The two on the display of the alarm clock flicks into a three as minutes slowly pass. 8.03 PM, it's almost time. Troubled, Dean lets the air escape from his lips and returns his gaze to the ceiling of the bunker. He hoped that after an exhausting hunt like the last, he’d be asleep by now.

It took the hunters four days to track down a ghoul in Savage, Mississippi. Add a fourteen hour drive back home to that and you’d think he’d be out like a light before even reaching his bed. Unfortunately, it’s quite the opposite and he wishes they had run into another job on the way over to Lebanon, so that at least his mind would be occupied. But with no new cases lined up, he remains lying on his back motionless, sheets pulled up to his chest, one hand behind his head.

His jaw clenches as he thinks of the tragedy that struck so many years ago. After all that time it should be easier, right? It should be less hard to deal with days like these, time heals all wounds after all. But not this one. This wound is the foundation of all his illnesses, of all his problems, of his life.

He removes his hand from behind his head and settles back into his pillow, running his fingers through his hair. Again he glances aside at the neon numbers that tell the time. 8.08 PM now. He squirms a little, annoyed by the space he has all by himself. The bed is much cooler than usual, it seems bigger too. It’s because Y/N is missing from it.

He had withdrawn into his room a couple of hours ago and failed to invite her to come with him like he usually does. Now that he thinks of it, he has been giving her the cold shoulder for at least a week, so no wonder that she didn’t follow him to his chamber. Why does he do that? Why does he push everyone away who cares about him whenever life gets hard? He didn’t mean to ignore her on the ride home, he didn’t mean to snap when she adjusted the heater on the dashboard when she got cold. He didn’t mean to shove her hand away when she comfortingly laid it on his leg as a sign of support. Yet he did and he feels like an absolute dick. She is only trying to be there for him, to be the supporting girlfriend. But he can’t have it, he can’t accept it. If she witnesses how broken he truly is, why would she possibly want to stay with him? And yet treating her like dirt isn’t exactly delivering the message that he wants her with him either. Shit, he’s such an idiot.

Then the timepiece on the nightstand changes again, hitting 8.11 PM. His eyes linger at the display and he swallows back the lump that started to build in his throat. Eleven past eight, the moment the clock in Sammy’s nursery stopped ticking. The moment Azazel set foot in that room and fucked it all up. Dean averts his gaze away again and shuts his eyes. Four years old at the time, but he remembers so many details. He remembers the intense heat from the fire, his mother’s horrifying screams, the smell of burning flesh, his father handing baby Sam to him.

Take your brother outside as fast as you can and don’t look back! Now, Dean! Go!

That’s when his mission started, that’s when the four year old grew into an adult. That moment right there changed everything. That moment when his mother died.

Soft creaking of the door interrupts his vivid memories and when he opens his eyes he sees Y/N, peeking inside his room. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she excuses herself timidly. “Just wanted to check in.” “It’s okay,” Dean replies, voice raspy. “I’ll get my stuff.” Almost shameful, she moves into the bedroom and picks up her duffle bag, but Dean stops her. “Where are you going?” His questioning eyes are softer than they have been for the last couple of days. For the first time this week he seems genuinely worried about her and she ceases her actions. “I can take a hint, Dean,” she returns, fiddling with the handles of the bag. “Look, if you wanna end this, I get it. I'll move out.” “What? No!” He sits up, regretting every action or word that made her feel unwanted. “C’mere.”

He can see that she has been longing for his invitation. Despite her efforts to hide it, tears shimmer in her eyes and it’s only now that Dean gets how scared she was. It couldn’t possibly be that she thought that he was going to break up with her, right? Insecure, Y/N moves closer and sits down on the edge of the bed. Bruising has started to surface on her right jaw, visible signs of the fight she had with the ghoul. He didn’t even ask her if she was alright.

“I’m such an asshat,” Dean muddles, realizing the effects of his behavior as he grabs her hand and squeezes it softly. His eyes meet hers and beg for forgiveness, but that’s not what she’s after. All she wants is to understand what is going on in that mind of his, why he’s building this Berlin Wall around himself. “It’s alright,” she assures, glancing down at their locked hands as she moves her fingers over his battered knuckles softly. “Just… Please explain to me what’s wrong. If I did something to upset you, then I--” “You didn’t,” he promises, trying to soothe her by gently cupping her face. “You think I’m acting this way because of you?” She shrugs as her bottom lip begins to tremble. Unable to prevent her eyes from welling up, a single tear comes down her cheek, Dean wiping it away when it reaches his thumb.

To her, the signs were clear, though. He pushed her off, declined any affection and refused to talk to her. Maybe after being together for five months he got bored with her. Face it, Dean’s relationship track record isn’t very impressive; he hasn’t been able to hold on to a woman for very long. Why should she be any different? “Hey, look at me.” A pair of green orbs stare into her soul when she dares to meet them. The warmth coming from his dark pupils takes away some of the doubt, but not nearly all of it. “You are the best thing that happened to me in a long, long time. You couldn’t possibly do anything wrong. This is not on you, you hear me?” he tells her, remorseful. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

His eyes bounce between hers before he comes closer and presses a soft and tender kiss on her lips. It calms her down in an instant and she answers him gratefully. It’s amazing how Dean is able to wash away her insecurities, but then again he always had that effect on her. The lack of his love drowned her in doubt so overwhelming that it caused her to question everything she stands for. But the presence of it, well… let’s just say he is able to make her feel so incredibly special, that she could take on the world.

When Dean opens his eyes again and creates a little distance, her smile that had faded over the past week is back. He mirrors the expression, but can’t prevent his heartache from showing too. Although he convinced her that she didn’t trigger his behaviour, it’s clear as day that he’s carrying a burden around that is forcing him on his knees. “Then what is it, Dean? Please tell me,” she asks again. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

He nods, but breaks eye contact nonetheless. Talking about the things that keep him up at night has never been his strong suit. He can’t even remember the last time he talked to anyone about his mother, except for Sam, who used to occasionally ask about her death when he was younger. Even then he wouldn’t waste more than a few words, too afraid it would surface emotions that he was glad to have buried so deep. But when he looks at Y/N again, he does the one thing he has never done with any woman: he opens up. “On November 2nd, 1983, my mom was killed by a demon,” he starts off. “Today is the anniversary of her death and it’s uh - it’s always been a tough day for me.”

He gazes away into nothingness as the warm light from the lamp on the bed stand shimmers into his teary eyes. She watches him, her mouth slightly opened in shock by this devastating unravelment, as compassion for her partner grows. “Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas… They’re not really that much of a celebration when you barely have anyone left to spend it with,” Dean continues. “I was right there when it happened. Even though I was just a kid, I remember and… I-I don’t know, I just can’t seem to be able to let it go.”

As he tells her what happened that dreadful night, she folds back the covers and snuggles up next to him, filling the emptiness that was there in her absence. Turned on her side facing him, she listens to the story, leaning on her elbow as her free hand grips his. “The thing is… that if she hadn’t walked into the nursery that night, Azazel probably would’ve left her alone. She would’ve seen her kids grow up, Dad would most likely still be alive. Sam and I wouldn’t have learned how to fire a gun at the age of six,” he scoffs as he rubs his brow. “We would’ve had a childhood, a home… We would’ve been a family.” His voice breaks on the final word and he keeps quiet, knowing that anything else would come out shaky. He tries to focus on the ceiling light, hoping that if he does, he will be able to keep it together. As he struggles to stay strong, Y/N continues to run her thumb over his hand, not letting go of his grip.

“I know it’s a dysfunctional one, but you have a family, Dean. Sam, Cas, me… We’re in this together,” she speaks wisely, trying to comfort him. “And I didn’t have the pleasure to meet your mother, but I bet she’d be damn proud of you after everything that you have done for the people you care about, and not just for them. You saved the world, Dean.” He keeps staring at the ceiling, shaking his head. He’s not a hero. He started the damn apocalypse. He tortured souls in Hell. He did unimaginable things. After swallowing thickly, he dares to test his voice again. “This is not the life she wanted her kids to be raised in.” He knows. “It would make her so sad if she knew we're hunters…”

The tightness in his chest overwhelms him, it pushes the tears that were gathering in the corner of his eye over the edge, causing them to run down his temples. He doesn’t want her to see this side of him, this weak and vulnerable excuse of a man. But he can’t help it, he can’t stop himself from breaking over his mother’s death for the first time since she passed. He fights the shake in his breath, the tears that keep gathering. Even as a kid he would bury it, stuff it all down and hide it for no one to see. It was one of the first things he learned in order to protect himself. But tonight, he can’t keep his grief at bay.

God, he misses her. He misses hearing her voice when she sang ‘Hey Jude’ to him before bedtime. He misses how she smelled like spices and cinnamon whenever she was baking pie. He misses how she hugged him whenever he needed comfort. He misses her so damn much. He chokes back a sob, his free hand running over his face to cover it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Y/N hushes. “It’s okay, Dean. Come here.” Y/N ushers him to roll into her, folding her arms around him. He lays his head against her chest, the steady metronome-like heartbeat coming from it calming him. It helps to steady his breathing, despite her tight cradle. He has never felt so safe with anyone except with the one person he is mourning over, and so he lets himself go. For the first time, he doesn’t feel the slightest uneasiness in their hug and at that moment he knows. He knows that whatever this is between the two of them, as long as Death doesn’t intervene, it is going to last. But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Death always intervenes, Death always takes a hold. It’s only a matter of time, like it’s only a matter of time before November 2nd passes. And like every year, tomorrow it will be easier to look up, to get out of bed, to fake a smile. What is different this year, though, is that he has someone by his side who understands why.

It takes a while before Dean’s respiration calms, before his eyelids stay closed. Finally, he’s asleep, but she won’t let go of him and continues to stroke his hair, pressing a soft kiss on his head every now and then. She won’t let go until it’s November 3rd.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to reblog my work or buy me coffee (Link in bio at the top of the page)

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writingkeepsmewhole · 5 years ago

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Angel Eyes

This is part 1 of a new fic I’m starting. It’s called Angel Eyes and it’s going to be following the show Supernatural from the end of season 3. I really hope yall like it I have spent a lot of time planing this so let me know what yall think. Also this is day 8 of my 365 fic challange.

Fic Summary: Claudia has been with the Winchesters her whole life. Her with them at the beginning of them trying to find John and her at the end of losing his son. (That sucked)

Dean Winchester x OC Claudia AKA Callie

Warnings:Blood, death, sadness, language.

Let me know if you want to be tagged.

I woke with someone shaking me making me sit up quickly slamming my head into something hard.

"Ow, what the hell!" I said turning to look at Dean's shadowed face.

"We're here." He said smiling an ear to ear grin at me.

"I hate you." I said flipping him off and sitting up all the way.

Feeling something tickle my arm I looked over to see Dean holding a hair tie between his pointer and middle finger.

"Drop something."

"Thanks."

Smiling a little at him I pulled my long raven hair back putting it in a high ponytail as soon as I did I felt Dean tug on it softly.

"Come knock it off before I tell Sammy how much his big brother missed him." I said sticking my tongue out at him.

"I didn't miss him, you know why we're here."

"I know. I'm just teasing."

"Well lets go before you start something you can't finish." He said taking the keys out and opening the door.

"Oh I always finish." I said once I was out of the car.

"Whatever you say Callie."

Flicking him in the back of the arm I ran off in front of him quickly climbing the fire escape to Sam's apartment. I stopped when I got about halfway up not knowing which one was his.

Dean was quickly in front of me picking the lock of the window. Watching him I smiled softly. He would never say it out loud, maybe not even in his head but he missed his little brother. He didn't want to hurt his pride by calling or coming to see him for no reason. But that's just the way Dean was, the way he has always been.

Climbing in the window after Dean my knee hit the lamp on the table making it fall over and break.

"I didn't do that." I whispered biting my lip and looking up at Dean.

"We'll get it later let's see if we can find any blackmail on Sammy before we wake him." Dean said shutting the window behind me his chest brushing my shoulder.

"Your so mean."

"I'm not mean I'm smart he might not come with us."

"Darlin' he is gonna come you know he will."

"I hope." Dean mumble

I opened my mouth to reply but a rough warm hand covered it. Looking up at Dean he pressed his finger to his lips and pushed my back into the wall of the kitchen. He smirked and walked down the hall to what I'm guessed to scare his baby brother.

Not even two minutes later I could hear fist meeting hard muscle. Sighing I walked into the living room and turned on the light to find Dean pinning Sam to the floor.

"Are you two done." I said making them both look up at me.

I got a boyish grin from Dean and a confused look from Sam.

"Callie?" He asked

"In the flesh." I said smiling widely

"Get off me." Sam said pushing at Dean

"Wouldn't have to if you were not so out of practice?" Dean said jumping up and pulling Sam to his feet.

"What the hell are you two doing here?"

"Well I was looking for a beer." Dean said making me giggle.

"Sam what's going on?" Asked a soft voice from behind me making me turn quickly.

Behind me was a tall blonde, dressed in a cropped smurf tee and short shorts.

"I take it your Sam’s girlfriend." I said smiling and waving a little.

"Umm, yeah." She said confused.

"Jess. This is my brother Dean and my little sister Claudia."

"We can't all be freakishly tall Sammy." I said glaring at him and moving to stand next to Dean.

"Love your shirt. The Smurfs great show but hey I gotta tell ya your out my brothers league." Dean said taking a step closer to her.

I could not help but roll my eyes and cross my arms. I felt my face scrunch up with confusion when a heat ran threw me making my stomach flip but not in a good way. Shaking my head a little I cleared my thoughts to see that Sam had his arm wrapped around Jess tells Dean that he could say anything in front of her.

"Um okay, dad hasn't been home in a few days."

"He's probably working overtime he'll stumble in sooner or later."

"Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days." Dean says a little more slower and clearer to get the point across.

That was the start of our journey. The start of years full of always being one step behind. We found John, even found the thing that started this whole mess. Losing Dad wasn’t the hard part. Even losing Sam wasn’t. But everything changed after Dean died. Nothing was the same after that.

How are you?I'm sorry, If you need anything... That's what you always say whenever someone dies. Trying to tell them you understand and wish you could help them with their pain. I just never thought it would happen to me. I always guessed I would be the one to go out first. Being the smallest of everyone I knew I was always easy picking for the things we hunted down.

Witches, ghosts, werewolves and everything thing in between that's what I hunted.

Or rather that's what we hunted. My names Claudia I'm the adopted daughter of John Winchester.

I was taken in by him after demons killed my parents. I witnessed the whole thing. John found me because I finally crawled out from my place behind the couch. After he exercised the Damon out of the policeman that came into my home.

They all died leaving me alone covered in my mother's blood.

I was four.

That was 23 years ago. A lot has changed since then. I was no longer the little girl hidden behind the sofa. I knew how to kill the monsters under my bed. That didn't prepare me for what I was going to have to go threw tonight. Tonight is the night I'll lose my best friend and the only man I ever had feelings for.

I sat in the back of the impala us racing towards the demon that held Dean's contract. The thing that said Dean was running out of time. That he would be dead, killed by the hounds of hell tonight if we didn't pull this thing off.

Sam was determined to make it happen. He felt like he owed Dean, since Dean sold his soul to bring Sam back from the dead.

I wasn't so hopeful. I was scared but I didn't show it. The same way Dean didn't show that he was already hearing the howls of the hounds or seeing things. I knew. I always knew when Dean was hurting he didn't put up as tall of a wall when he was around me like he did with his baby brother.

Dean was running out of time and he knew it. He never seemed to care if he lived or died. Something that always broke my heart.

"Hey Dean." Sam says pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah?" He says answering him.

"If tonight... If this doesn't go the way we planned, I just want you to know-."

"No, no, no we're not going to do the last goodbye speech. I mean if this is my last night on earth I do not want it to be socially awkward." Dean says making my eyes water.

"You know what I want." He says putting in a casest tape.

Wanted dead or alive filling the car.

"Bon Jovi?" Sam asks looking at Dean.

"Bon Jovi rocks. On occasion." Dean says holding up his hand.

"So I walk these streets, with a loaded six string on my back!" Dean sings loudly.

"Come on." He says smacking Sam's chest his green eyes bouncing back to meet mine.

I smile at him and join in on the singing. Sam joining us. As we do, I can't help but feel like this song fits Dean. Looking at his face I realize he's not singing anymore. A look of dread in his eyes, of sadness.

Meeting his eyes I he smiles and winks at me. Something he's done for years he's way of saying he's got this that everything will be fine.

I smile back it sad and not expressing the hurt in my chest. I can't stop the tear that runs down my face. I wipe it away but not before he sees. No never before he sees.

We were running out of time, and Lilith was nowhere to be found. If we couldn’t kill her we couldn’t save Dean. I was with Sam and Ruby a demon that was helping us find her. But I knew deep down it wouldn’t work. I kept checking the time counting down the minutes. Knowing there was nothing I could do.

“No we can still save him right?” Sam says looking at Ruby.

“There’s no time. You can just flip the script.

“There’s gotta be some way, whatever it is I’ll do it.”

“No, you won’t.” Dean says walking into the room.

“Dean I’m not gonna let you go to hell.”

“Yes you are!.” Dean yells making me jump.

I wrap my arms around myself hating this.

“Yes you are.” He says again but this time calm.

“I’m sorry, I mean this is all my fault I know that. But what your doing it’s not gonna save me, it’s only gonna kill you.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Sam asks his eyes watering.

“Keep fighting, take care of my wheels. Sam remember what dad taught ya, kay?” Dean says, Sam nodding.

“Remember what I taught you.” Dean says making my heart clench.

I lift my hand and quickly swipe the rears off my face..

“Hey how's my girl doing?” Dean asked taking a step to stand in front of me.

“Not so great.” I say my voice cracking, Dean placing his on my face his thumbs wiping off my cheeks.

“I’m gonna really miss you.” I say trying my best not to cry.

“Yeah I know, me too.” He his bloodshot eyes meeting mine.

“I need you to be strong for me.”

I nod not trusting my voice.

“Take care of Sammy don’t let him do what I did.”

I again nod moving forward to wrap my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He returns it him kissing the top of my head.

Pulling away from me he strokes my face lifting it up. I feel like the world stops when he leans down and presses his lips to mine. Them at first barely brushing mine then he deepens the kiss.

It soft and sad. The taste of my tears mixing in. His lips were soft and warm. Familiar as if I've done this a hundred times before. It was the first time Dean ever kissed me and it would be the last. That thought making my heart clench.

I practically jumped when the ner by clock struck twelve. I felt like I was in a messed fairy tale

It was time we were too late. Pulling away from Dean I made myself look at him really look at him. This would be the last time I saw him.

"I'm sorry Dean. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy." Ruby says looking at us.

I feel and watch Dean tense up him turning to look over to the side.

“Hell hound.” He says softly, his grip on me tightening.

“Where?”

“There.” He says looking next to the table in the dining room.

“Run!” He says grabbing my hand and pulling me behind him as we run down the hall and into the study.

Sam and Ruby holds the door shut as Dean pours goofer dust along the door. Having my own bag I go to the window, Dean quickly joining me.

“Give me the knife maybe I can hold them off.” Ruby says to Sam, talking about the knife that could kill demons.

“Wait!” Dean says making me turn to look at him.

“Sam that’s not Ruby.”

As soon as Dean says that I feel my back get slammed into the wall being pinned there. It felt like I was being pushed down my brick wall.

“How long you been in her?” Dean ask groaning as he tries to fight to get up from being pinned to the table.

“Not long.” Ruby will Ruby’s body says.

“But I like it, it’s all grown up and pretty.” She says her eyes turning white.

“So where’s Ruby?” Sam asks.

“She was a very bad girl, so I sent her far far away.”

“You know I should have seen it before, but you all look alike to me.” Dean says.

Ruby glares at him but turns her attention to Sam. I try to push myself off the wall, the demon knife at my feet. My head pounding as I do,

“So is this your plan?” Dean asks her.

“Drag me to hell, kill Sam and Claudia and what become queen bitch?”

“I don’t have to answer to puppy chow.”

She says walking over to the door, my heart drops as I watch her open the door.

“No, don’t!” I yell as I watch Dean get dragged off the table his leg being torn to shreds.

“Stop!” Sam yells.

I push hard on the force holding me down as I watched Dean get attacked it making my head pound and my heart race, but I didn’t care.

I don’t know what happened but I suddenly fell to the floor, quickly rushing over to Dean. I scream loudly as I feel invisible claws dig into my side cutting down to my hip.

“That’s impossible.” Lillith says.

But I don’t listen to her, my head is swimming with pain and dizziness. I look at Dean his green eyes meeting mine. I was covered in his blood and a part of him was covered in mine.

“I’m sorry.” I say holding his head in my lap.

He smiles at me as his bright eyes go dim, there life draining into nothing. I take a shaky breath as the room is filled with white it that last thing I remember before I passed out.

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dusenkasab · 4 years ago

Text

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447959

*1 year after the season finale*

Misha, returning from a 3-mile run, still out of breath, can hardly believe in what he’s seeing.

He has to blink several times as he takes small steps towards her.

He looks around, with wide eyes and a red face, looking for someone.

When suddenly:

"Hi Mish!"

His thoughts are blown away by that voice.

His voice...

Jensen is behind him, with his arms crossed over his chest and a sassy smile on his lips.

Misha perhaps turns too quickly to look at him and hardly stands up for the rapidity of the gesture.

"What…- what are you doing here?"

"I came to say hi"

Misha takes a quick look at the Impala and immediately returns to stare at him.

"did you drive 2,199 miles just to say hello?"

He is incredulous.

Jensen smiles back at him, he looks very tired

"Well, I'm glad to see you too." He says with sarcasm and a hint of resentment in his voice.

Misha shakes his head with his deep blue eyes and a guilty expression on his face.

"Sorry I'm ..."

"Do you want to go for a ride?" Jensen hurries to say

"Aren't you tired of driving?"

"Yes I am."

Jensen throws him the keys of the Impala

"Are you serious?" Misha is perplexed and stares at the keys for a few moments more.

Jensen gets into the car from the passenger side, in response and waits for Misha to do the same.

Misha feels excited as he quietly drives the Impala through the streets of Bellingham, while Jensen at his side glares at him, happy to be together.

The younger one enjoys the ride, relaxing after all those vigilant hours of driving.

Misha watches him from the mirror, sideways, because he knows that Jensen cannot see him. He finds him beautiful, even with the deep dark circles that furrow his wonderful green eyes.

Misha stops the car at the entrance of the path to the lake and remains silent for a while, almost embarrassed, staring at the steering wheel.

Jensen seems to notice it and after a first moment of hesitation, he decides to reach out for his friend and put his fingers through Misha's soft dark hair. He feels him stiffen, Jen is afraid he'd rushed things and is about to pull out his hand when Misha gives in to his touch and moves his head against his hand to receive more.

"I missed you" Misha confesses, finally fixing his gaze into Jensen's green one

"Me too."

Misha leans towards his friend, captures his lips and drags him into a kiss full of passion and feeling, but at the same time full of unspoken words and urgency.

After endless minutes of tongues chasing each other and hands seeking and wandering around the body, they finally part with a smack.

Misha has red lips and wide eyes, in a typical expression reminiscent of Castiel at the brothel.

Jensen observes him, his lips in the same condition, but his eyes are sweet and his expression is relaxed.

"So, how does she look?" He refers to the car, gently stroking the dashboard

"It's perfect, a real gem. I'm glad you managed to get it."

"Me too, I begged a lot and in the end there she is."

Misha smiles, a broad and sincere smile of pure love for his colleague.

Jensen opens the door to get out of the car and Misha follows him closely, then begins to walk towards the path.

Jensen has both hands in the pockets of his dark jeans while he walks and Misha is a little ahead of him so Jensen can't help but notice his thick legs covered only by shorts.

The sky is covered with a light layer of clouds and the sun is about to set.

"You disappeared, Mish" Jensen comments, once he reached him and faced him.

"Well, I've been busy… at home." Misha's reply is stammered and he reaches out to scratch the back of his neck as he speaks.

"I see. " Jensen is not very convinced, but he doesn't want to push too hard.

"So where were you?" He finally asks, pursing his lips in a smirk as he points to his blue shorts

Misha looks down and smiles "I went for a run."

“Can you?"

"Of course I can"

"I mean your hip"

"I'm fine Jen, I take it easy"

"You’re so hot in those" staring at his bottom side.

Misha chuckles embarrassed, covering his face with a hand

"No, I'm not"

Jensen laughs back "yes, you are."

They walk towards a bench not far from the lake, quietly enjoying the sunset for a while.

"Dinner tonight?" Jensen asks once in front of Misha's house

"Uhm, yeah okay."

"I'm inviting you on a date, show a little more enthusiasm."

Misha thins his eyes "A date?"

"That's right, like old times."

"I was the one who invited you out for dinner," Misha retorts

"You did it to woo me. Let me do it now." Jensen comes closer as he speaks and faces him boldly, placing his hands on his hips.

"I'll pick you up at 8:30," he says, a breath from his lips, just before turning and heading for the car.

"Wait, where are you going?" Misha awakens from the unchaste thoughts that his mind was already doing about Jensen's mouth and runs after him.

"I got a room, not far from here."

"Why? You can stay here."

"I don't want to bother, you didn't know I was coming"

"Please Jen, stay"

Jensen seems to think about it, he doesn't really want to disturb Misha and his family.

"Guys will be happy to see you again," continues Misha, hoping to convince him.

"Me too" he replies without hesitation, accompanying his words with an affirmative head gesture.

Misha turns around the car and stands in front of the trunk "I’ll help you carry everything inside."

"It’s just a bag."

Jensen opens the trunk to take out the bag and Misha notices something that immediately catches his attention.

Folded in a corner of the compartment is a trench coat. His trench coat, or at least Castiel's trench coat.

"why is it here?" The question comes out quite spontaneously

"Oh" Jensen blushes and chuckles nervously "I got one before I left the set."

"Why?"

"Well, I wanted something of yours, so I stole it and keep it here."

"Just like Dean." Misha comments enthusiastically

"That's right, but I won't give it to you this time. It's mine, it smells like you."

Misha doesn't know what to say, it rarely happens.

He wasn't allowed to take a lot of his character’s stuff with him.

"shall we?" he finally says, pulling Jensen's bag out of the trunk.

"For how long will you stay?"

Misha asks, as he cuts a piece of his steak

"I’m leaving tomorrow, Mish."

Misha turns to look at him, a surprised and melancholy expression on his face

"Tomorrow? You just got here."

Jensen simply nods as he takes a long sip of his beer.

"Why are you here, Jensen?"

"I told you, I came to say hello"

"That's all?"

"Well, that and to do this ..."

And without ever interrupting eye contact with his colleague, he leans over the table to steal a kiss from his lips.

Misha arches his lips in a smirk, shaking his head embarrassedly

"I missed you, Mish. I missed you so much and feeling distant in these months made me think I should have done something to change the situation."

Jensen explains as he tries unsuccessfully to meet his colleague's gaze. Receiving no response, he decides to place a hand on the other’s one on the table to hold it.

"Nothing has changed for me, you know."

Misha is tempted to pull out his hand from Jensen’s grip, who instinctively squeezes it more.

"No, I don’t. After Supernatural your life has changed, you went on, you met new people. I was afraid you had...."

Misha looks down at the plate

"Forgot you?"

"Yes." Misha's response is not long in coming

"I never could. What we had..." Jensen thinks about it and correct himself immediately "What we have, I could never forget it."

Misha turns his wrist under Jensen's grip and squeezes it back, crossing their fingers.

"I did so much to get you, I would never let you go, Jen" confesses Misha, his voice hoarse and eyes fixed on Jensen's, then he drag Jen’s hand to his mouth to place a kiss.

Jensen feels his face catching on fire and tries terribly not to show it, silently lowering his eyes to the plate before filling his mouth with a bit of meat.

"You can't escape, Jen. Your freckles don't lie."

Misha chuckles, running a finger over Jensen's straight freckled nose.

"You really have a thing for freckles." Jensen grumbles, still holding the piece of meat in his mouth.

"Only with yours, Jen. You’ve always been the only one I’ve been focused on."

"Will we end up in bed at the end of the night?" Misha's question is asked with such ease that it almost makes Jensen choke on beer.

"Oh it's in my plans, yeah" Jensen winks resolutely.

"Why don't we speed things up?"

Jensen doesn't have to hear it twice, so he suddenly asks for the bill.

Misha spreads his lips in a kinky smile as he begins to unbutton his shirt.

Jensen observes his gesture and mechanically licks his lower lip, he feels his arousement growing harder and that extra inch of skin uncovered doesn't help.

He already feels his erection pressing desperately against the tight fabric of his trousers and he must do something as soon as possible if he doesn’t want to suffer.

When the waiter finally brings the bill, Jensen is already getting his wallet out of his pocket, but Misha anticipates him, leaving some bucks on the table.

"Let’s go"

Jensen is tipsy, you can tell it by the way he walks as he tries to reach his beloved impala in the parking lot.

He has one arm on Misha's shoulders and giggles playfully as he deposits kisses along his partner's neck. At some point he starts singing something Misha can’t understand, he loves Jensen's voice and is grateful that it's singing right in his ear but he also needs to kiss him, so he catch Jensen's lips and his voice dies in a moan inside Misha's mouth.

Jensen surrounds Misha's waist with both arms while his are around the other’s neck hugging him without stopping the kiss.

Soon Jensen finds himself slammed with his back against the impala and the door handle badly pocking his hip.

"Easy, tiger."

Misha rolls his eyes to the dark sky above them, with messy hair and parted lips.

Jensen gets in the car and starts the engine of his beloved baby, while Misha has to appeal to his self-control not to jump on him here and now.

"Where are we going?" Misha asks on the way

"I still have a room booked at the hotel, remember?"

Misha nods and reaches out to kiss Jensen's neck, testing and biting the warm, slightly sweaty skin.

"What if we make out now, in the car?" Misha asks lewdly in Jensen's ear, as he nips his earlobe and takes his hand to shove it between his legs and on his hard-on.

Also this time Jensen doesn’t have to hear it twice.

"Supernatural teaches that this is not a good idea." Jensen gasps as he moves over Misha in the back seats of the Impala and is trying to finally unbutton that shirt, going to kiss every strip of uncovered skin.

"Have sex in a car?" Misha asks, as he’s doing the same with Jensen’s shirt.

“Have sex in a car, in the middle of nowhere."

Jensen concludes

"Supernatural teaches you how to defend yourself from any attacks ... Ah!" Misha lets out a groan when Jensen bites his nipple.

"I'm not afraid, I have an angel with me"

Jensen replies, with a smirk to arch his lips, just before putting his hands on Misha's jeans and pulling them down together with the underwear.

Then Misha sees him lift his head and part his lips.

"Speaking about that, I have a crazy kink for you wearing the trench coat."

Misha tilts his head to the right, a confused expression on his face.

"What do you mean?"

Jensen doesn't answer, gets out of the car -half naked- opens the trunk of the impala and takes out Castiel's trench coat.

"Wear it" he orders as he hands the jacket to his colleague, once back on top of Misha.

Misha purses his lips in a smirk when he understands Jensen's intentions

"Well ..." He grabs the trench coat and puts it on, realizing how much he missed the feeling of having it on and how strange it was not to have other clothes, it was almost wide.

"You kinky bastard"

Misha shakes his head giggling nervously, this makes him feel more horny.

A satisfied Jensen enjoys the scene while he is comfortably seated on the other side of the seat, completely naked now, absently stroking the throbbing erection between his legs.

Misha knees between Jensen's bow-legs and bends over to reach his erection with his mouth.

Jensen slips his fingers through his dark hair and tightens the locks, following the movement of his head.

He couldn't have wished for anything better. Misha completely naked, covered only by the trench coat giving him a blowjob.

Jensen closes his eyes, his head leans against the window of the impala and his mouth opens to let moans out.

Misha, between his legs, sucks Jensen's cock with his head going up and down at a steady pace and in the meantime brings a hand between his own legs to give some attention to his forgotten erection.

His moans die on Jensen's thick, throbbing member, which makes him shudder and arouse even more, if that's possible.

"You're driving me crazy"

Misha raises his head and points his blue, languid gaze into Jensen's needy one.

That flushed face, the conspicuous freckles and the firm hands in Misha's hair.

He urges him to get closer, pushing his head against his to stick the tongue in his mouth without much ceremony.

Misha clings to Jensen, sits astride his pelvis, the trench coat slows down his movements, but he has no intention of taking it off.

He does it for Jensen.

Only for Jensen.

#cockles #destiel #misha collins #jensen ackles #cast supernatural #supernatural #fanfiction

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seven-oomen · 4 years ago

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Ranch Lune Argentée | Chapter one

As a special little birthday treat to everyone who follows me on here, I will post this chapter here and I will probably update Once upon a time when I wake up in 8 hours or so. I’ve hit a point in both chapters that I can put both of these up for my birthday celebration. Once I finished this outlaw au I will start writing the Chris/Noah/Peter one unless this one doesn’t do well. I might start writing that one first. But for now, Enjoy and let me know if you enjoy this!

“Christopher, dinner’s ready!” He wiped the sweat of his brow and looked up to where his lovely wife was calling out to him from the homestead.

All-day long he’d been putting down more of the fence surrounding their land, expanding upon ranch lune argentée, and it showed. He was sweaty, dirty, and slightly sunburned from the hard work. But it would pay off in the end, it always did.

He stored the wooden beams underneath the canvas tarp that he kept around to keep them dry and headed over to the house, making sure to stop by the water basin to clean himself up before he went inside.

“Smells lovely, darling.” He pressed a kiss to Victoria’s cheek as he walked past her and took a seat at the dinner table.

They had a decent life together, him and Vic. And a large part of that was because of her cunning mind and his family’s ranch. They had all they needed and with Victoria’s insights and investments they even had some spared for the future ahead. His father had called her a downright mastermind. He was inclined to agree.

“Thank you, dear, I see you managed to clean yourself up a little. Good. Wouldn’t do for you to smell like a pig at the dinner table.” Victoria said sharply, though he noticed the way her lips curled up just a little. Indicating her amusement.

“I’m glad to see you find my suffering amusing, darling.” He smiled, patiently waiting for her to help herself to the chicken and potato roast before making himself a plate.

“As if I don’t suffer every day with your little ideas and schemes. I told you to let the fences stay put. We don’t have enough farmhands to handle the daily chores right now, let alone to expand the ranch. But you don’t listen to me, now do you?” Victoria sighed, she was a tough woman, his wife. And she wouldn’t ever let him forget it.

Not that he wanted her to, he quite enjoyed her banter. “It’s going to pay off in the end, we’ll get more horses, more cows, a couple of chickens, geese, and sheep. We can really make something of this place.”

“Gonna have to get the hands first, don’t we? Or did you plan to get all that done by your lonesome?” She gave him a pointed look and dug into her food. “Never listens, heaven forbid.”

“I’ve been doing alright, so far. Made great progress.” He said, quieting down when he saw his wife’s glare. He dug back into his food with a soft, “Yes darling.”

Dinner went by in a quiet affair until he heard his wife get up whilst he was in the middle of assaulting his vegetables. She must have seen the way he pushed his carrots around his plate and how he hung his head. For he heard her sigh, pulling his chair back a little so she could sit on his lap and cup his face with her hand. “It’s not a terrible idea for the long run but for now it’s not what we need. We should focus on what we have and running that well before we expand. Get some more farmhands for the land too. It’s tough living already.”

He tilted his head back a little so he could look upon her fair complexion. Her stunning blue eyes stern but kind and her beautiful strong features framed by her short, flaming red hair gave her a stunning appearance that put fear in the hearts of all men. It was unusual for a woman to cut her hair that short in these times, but he quite liked it that way and there was no man or woman alive that dared to confront Victoria on anything. Let alone her wardrobe or hair choices. Not unless you had no wishes left for life.

“Why do you have to be so wise and reasonable?” He wondered what he would ever do without her, most likely he wouldn’t survive a single season. She kept him on the straight and narrow after all.

“Because one of us has to be.” She smiled, warm and loving before capturing his lips in a kiss. He hummed appreciatively and leaned into her, pulling her closer so he could roam his hands over her hidden muscles. She was a strong woman, both in mind and body. But she was also soft and sweet in his arms and melted into his touch.

He deepened their kiss, growling playfully as she nipped at his lips and moved her hand down his chest, over his abdomen, and slipped it into the waistband of his pants.

A heavy knock on the front door made her still her hand. His growl turning from playful to frustrated. “Goddammit… Think they’ll go away?”

Another hard knock answered that question. Vic slowly pulled her hand from him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Better go see what they want before they break down that door.”

She stood up, went to the front door, and opened it just as he made himself presentable. A surprised “Gerard? Kate?” Sounded from the doorway and Vic beckoned him over.

He walked over, wrapping an arm around Victoria’s shoulders as he stood beside her. His father and sister stood on the other side of the door, some men behind them who were holding ropes tightly in their hands. “What’s going on? Who did you get?”

His father didn’t visit much, only when he caught another supernatural being that needed to be disposed of. That’s why he’d build the ranch originally. As a cover for what his family naturally did anyway for the last 120 years. Marie-Jeanne may have started their profession but his father was dead set on finishing it.

“One of the originals.” His father smiled, “A true-born, trying to escape the trap we laid for them. There’s a few more out there who escaped capture for now, but we’ll get them.”

“You bastard!” The beast snarled, half transformed due to the mistletoe oil-soaked ropes, “You murdered them! All of them including children! I’ll make you pay. I swear my vengeance will be sweet when I am freed.”

The beast’s words shocked him and as he glanced at his wife he could see her wide eyes and grim expression as well. The code forbids them from murdering the innocent, children, humans in a pack. We only hunt those that hunt us. And if his father and sister broke that code… The tribunal would not be merciful.

“What does that mean? Father, what did you do?” He met his father’s eyes in a long, hard stare, jaws set and eyes battling for dominance.

“What had to be done to exterminate them. We’ll get the last little ones too, don’t you worry.” Gerard gave his son and his daughter-in-law a hard stare before he acknowledged Victoria. “Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, sweetheart.”

He turned to the hunters behind him. “Lock it in the barn cage, I want him to watch as we hunt down his last family and kill them.”

Chris looked at his wife in shock, though he noticed she was thinking thoroughly about something. Judging by the little crow's feet in the corner of her eyes and the way her brows furrowed. She gave him the tiniest of nods after a moment or two and looked back to his father. “When you capture the little ones, bring them to me first. As Matriarch, I decide what shall be done.”

The other hunters paused and waited for his father and wife to come to a decision. They may listen to his father as the oldest living Argent, but his wife wasn’t wrong. She was the Argent Matriarch through marriage, after his mother had died two years prior, command of the Argent hunters had naturally gone to Victoria.

He saw the anger in his father’s eyes, the knowledge that he couldn’t openly defy Victoria or risk a tribunal for ignoring the chain of command. Though he did wonder what his wife’s game plan was here, his father had just openly admitted to breaking the code.

“Fine. We’ll bring them to you first.” His father finally conceded, knowing a losing battle when he was faced with one. He nodded to the beast they captured. “What about this one?”

“The cage in the barn will be sufficient to hold him,” Victoria said, sharing a brief look with him that said; We need to find out what happened to the wolf.

The hunters obliged, putting the snarling beast in the barn’s special cage before cutting him free of his ropes. Once the mistletoe wore off, the beast’s features changed back to those of a handsome young man. His brown hair was slightly singed and his soft curls a tangled mess. His eyes changed from Alpha red to stunning blue, certain anger and sadness apparent in them. What had they done to this young man and what had this man done to deserve his father’s treatment? Who had he killed?

His father then turned to Victoria, his eyes betraying the internal anger he felt but his expression and tone were pleasant enough. “This to your satisfaction, my dear?”

“It is. Thank you.” Victoria led them out, leaving him alone with the man in the cage.

#creativity he wrote #petopheria #petopheria outlaw au #outlaw au #petopher #teen wolf fanfiction #ben writes fanfiction

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charlie-minion · 5 years ago

Text

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here).

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted.

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!

#tagging game #supernatural #21 spn questions #spn fandom #destiel adjacent

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foreverwayward · 5 years ago

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“Wayward Hearts” Season 3 Chapter 8: Dream a Little Dream of Me Part 2

Summary: After the Devil’s Gate had been opened that fateful night in the graveyard, the hunters are forced to face a new war. Countless demons now run rampant, hungry for blood and power. It’ll take everything the three have to survive when darkness once again knocks on their door. But, with only a year before Dean’s deal comes due, Sam and Riley will stop at nothing to save him; to save their family.

Masterlist

Word Count: 2,991

Content Warning: language and violence

DISCLAIMER: any words or phrases in bold in the story are not my own and are credited to the writers of Supernatural.

**GIFS ARE NOT MY OWN**

Sam’s gaze went towards the woods and suddenly Jeremy moved out from behind a tree. “Dean...” He immediately took off after Jeremy who ran away after being spotted.

Quickly following Sam, Dean ran into the woods only to realize he had lost track of Sam. Still never skipping a beat, Dean kept in pursuit.

Suddenly, he stopped and turned as he looked around with puzzlement. “Okay…”

The woods had turned into wallpaper that stretched down a long hallway. A door sat on both ends and the hunter picked the one in front of him and hesitantly walked towards it. His hand reached for the doorknob, but it slowly opened before he could even touch it.

As the door floated open, a motel room was revealed.

Clicking came from inside as Dean entered the room with trepidation. The motel room looked exactly like the one the hunters had been staying in.

Across from the door, a man sat on the chair at the desk and Dean walked further in, watching him.

“Jeremy?”

The man kept clicking the on and off switch for the lamp on the desk, his back to Dean until the hunter finally froze in silence.

As the figure turned toward him, Dean swallowed hard when he realized he knew the man. It was him--it was Dean.

“Hey, Dean,” the phantom Winchester said gruffly, yet with a somewhat solemn look. “We need to talk.”

Always dealing with uncomfortable situations in sarcasm, Dean smiled. “Well, aren't you a handsome son of a gun.” He stepped forward and began to walk in a circle, as did his dream counterpart. They walked in the same direction just across from each other almost in a challenge. “I get it. I get it. I'm my own worst nightmare, is that it? Huh? Kind of like the ‘Superman III’ junkyard scene? A little mano y mano with myself?”

“Joke all you want, smart-ass. But you can't lie to me. I know the truth.” The two stopped walking and had changed places, with Dean standing by the desk and the other by the door. “I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror...and hate what you see.”

Dean swallowed as he fought to get a hold of himself. “Sorry, pal. It's not gonna work,” he said with a forced smile. “You're not real.”

“Sure I am. I'm you.”

“I don't think so. 'Cause see, this is my siesta. Not yours.” Raising his left hand, Dean’s cocky smirk still sat on his face. “All I gotta do is snap my fingers and you go bye-bye.” He snapped his fingers once only for nothing to happen. His smile faded and Dean snapped again, still seeing things not working as he planned.

Snapping his fingers again three more times, Dean let his hand fall to his side, his eyebrows lifted.

The dream version of the hunter gave him an ‘I-told-you-so’ nod. “I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you.”

A loud slam came from across the room as the door shut with force and the lock engaged. All confidence and hint of humor had left Dean’s features, leaving him serious and slightly scared.

“Like I said…” Dream Dean raised his right hand, which was then holding a sawed-off shotgun. “...we need to talk. I mean, you're going to Hell and you won't lift a finger to stop it.” The two began to circle each other once again. “Talk about low self-esteem,” the imaginary Winchester chuckled. “Then again, I guess it's not much of a life worth saving, now is it?”

“Wake up, Dean. Come on, wake up,” Dean whispered to himself.

“I mean, after all, you've got nothing outside of Sam and Riley.” Back in their original positions in the room, the two stopped their pacing and faced off. “Where do I even start with those two? How about Rye, huh?”

With his jaw clenched, Dean felt his face twitch as he struggled to stay calm. “Don’t bring her into this.”

“Why not, Dean? I mean we both know she’ll leave you. Once she realizes how damaged you are, how little you have to offer her. I mean, do you really think that a girl like that could have a future with you? I know you’re not that stupid.”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“And you? You’re nothing. You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog. ”

Dean smiled in denial, trying to brave out the conversation. “That--that's not true.”

“No? What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car? That's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket? Dad's. Your music? Dad's. Do you even have an original thought?” As his counterpart dug further into Dean’s psyche, he scoffed not wanting to admit anything. “No. No, all there is is, ‘Watch out for Sammy. Look out for your little brother, boy!’ You can still hear your dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as a bell.”

“Just shut up,” Dean smiled angrily.

“I mean, think about it…” The phantom began to slowly walk towards Dean, whose fury grew as they became face to face. “...all he ever did was train you--boss you around. But, Sam--Sam he doted on. Sam, he loved.”

“I mean it. I'm getting angry.”

“Dad knew who you really were--a good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument.” Dream Dean became wrathful and began to shout, “your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?”

With his rage boiling inside him, Dean finally exploded and charged at his doppelgänger. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled as he shoved him with all his might, knocking the vision into the wall above the desk. Dean’s voice grew and he screamed through his outrage. “My father was an obsessed bastard!”

Grabbing the shotgun, Dean wielded it as a bat and hit his nightmare back against the wall before pinning him still. Dean’s fury grew and grew as years of pent up anger towards his father finally surfaced. “All that bullshit he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his shit. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He’s the one that let Mom die.” He took a step back and swung the weapon twice more with abandon.

Dean’s throat began to ache with the volume and emotion he was releasing from deep inside him. “He’s the one who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! It wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me. And I don't deserve to go to Hell!”

Taking two large paces backwards, Dean didn’t flinch as he fired the shotgun twice into the chest of his twin.

As Dean looked down at the body in front of him, he saw blood painted on the face of his nightmare, his eyes closed.

Nervously, Dean approached the dead version of himself lying on the desk. He studied himself briefly and noticed the lines in his own face that he had never paid attention to. Years of pain and loss rested on his face, even in death.

Suddenly, the doppelgänger’s eyes flickered open to reveal they had gone completely black.

It made Dean’s heart stop in his chest and his eyes widened in panic to see his own reflection in the obsidian staring back at him.

The hate that came from Dean’s mirrored image was enough to send chills down the hunter’s spine and fear rippled through him. With a harsh and angry voice, it shouted, “you can't escape me, Dean. You're gonna die. And this? This is what you're gonna become!”

“No!” a voice cried out from near the door.

Dean’s head whipped around to see Riley with her hand stretched out, tears filling her glowing blue eyes.

The evil vision cried out as it was strangled by her powers, but only briefly, before it turned to a black cloud only to evaporate in front of them.

Dean fought to catch his breath with wide, panicked eyes.

Riley had seen the darkest corner of his mind. His guard was down and she could see how terrified Dean was, how much pain he had always bottled inside. It was his greatest shame to not be the man he wanted Riley to see him as.

She ran to his side and took his hand.

------

Instantly, the two jolted awake inside the Impala. They briefly looked around, trying to get their bearings only to see Sam still asleep in the front seat.

“Sam.” Dean lightly shoved his brother’s shoulder. “Sammy, wake up.” When he didn’t answer, Dean turned back to Riley. “How did you find me?”

Riley paused and her face softened. “There’s nowhere you could go that I wouldn’t follow you, Dean.”

That thought brought warmth to his heart for only a second before he realized they had to find a way to get Sam back.

“Alright,” Dean started. “I’m going in after him.”

As he went to grab what he needed to make another glass of Dream Root, Riley reached over the seat to stop him.

“I’m going. You’re gonna be the one that stays.”

“Like hell I am.”

“Dean...we only have enough Dream Root left for one of us. You know I think the world of you, but in there? I’m stronger than you are. Please, let me go get our brother.”

With a worried bite to his lip, Dean sighed and closed his eyes. After a moment, he looked back up and grabbed a hair from a still sleeping Sam. He sprinkled it into the drink and reluctantly handed the cup back to Riley.

“Don’t do anything stupid, you hear me? You get him and you come right back.”

“I’ll be back before you know it.” After gulping down the disgusting drink, Riley instantly fell asleep as she slouched into the seat.

Dean ran a hand down his concerned face looking back at her. “Shit…” he muttered to himself.

When Riley opened her eyes again, she was still in the Impala, only Sam and Dean were gone. A noise came from outside and she instantly turned to see Sam through the window. He was pinned to the ground, tied to railroad spikes.

Jeremy struck Sam’s knees and legs again and again with a baseball bat in hand. Her brother groaned out in pain and Riley desperately went to open the car door, only it was locked.

She pounded on the window and screamed over and over for Jeremy to stop. It was as though neither of them could even hear her.

“I just wanna be left alone. I just wanna dream,” Jeremy said firmly.

Through the incredible pain, Sam uttered, “sorry. Can't do that.”

“That's the wrong answer.” Jeremy’s assault on Sam continued with rage and hate in his eyes. “I'm getting better and better at this. Stronger and stronger all the time. But, you? You’re not waking up--not this time. I'm not gonna let you.” Sam looked up at him as the bat hovered over his chest. “You can't stop me. There's nothing I can't do in here.”

“Because of the Dream Root,” Sam panted out.

“That's right.”

Finally catching Riley at the window in the corner of his eye, a small smirk grew on Sam’s face. He focused back towards Jeremy, not giving her away. “Yeah? Well, you're forgetting something.”

“What's that?” Ready with the bat to swing down hard into Sam’s head, Jeremy grew cockier than ever.

“We took the Dream Root too.”

“...we?”

Sam smiled as Jeremy turned to look at the car. The madman’s eyes widened as he saw Riley’s glow with wrath in her face.

A large blow came from the Impala as the door blew off its hinges. Riley stepped out ready to fight as a man’s voice called out from the edge of the woods.

“Jeremy?! Jeremy!”

As Jeremy turned around with panic in his eyes, he could see his father stalk over in his direction. He instantly had become that scared abused child all over again. “No. No…Dad?”

“You answer me when I'm talking to you, boy!”

Jeremy dropped the bat to the ground as he backed away from the hunters and his father. “No…”

Before he could react, there stood Riley as she swung the bat hard into his face. Jeremy instantly fell to the ground with a hard thump.

The hunter raised the bat once more and with all her might, slammed the bat into Jeremy’s head as she released an almost primal cry.

Riley and Sam suddenly woke inside the Chevy as they took short, rapid breaths.

Dean’s eyes darted between his brother and girlfriend as if needing confirmation that the nightmare was over.

Silence filled the car with no one knowing what to say as they all looked away from each other.

Still shaken from his own dream, Dean wrapped his hands around the steering wheel in an attempt to ground himself back to reality.

------

With Bobby at their side, Riley and Sam walked down the halls of the dingy motel.

Riley broke the silence with trepidation. “Sam...should we talk about what happened? You know, with Jeremy?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

Bobby took Sam’s arm to stop him and look in his eyes. “You know damn well what she’s talking about. It’s no secret both of your abilities are alive and well.”

“I just focused, that’s all. It wasn’t about that.”

Riley sighed. “Sam, you know that’s not--”

Interrupting her, the Winchester softly shook his head once. “Rye, please guys, just--keep this between us, okay? Please.”

“Alright,” she replied softly with a nod before Sam walked ahead.

Bobby grunted gently to himself as he followed behind.

Riley knew the truth no matter how much her brother tried to deny it. Whatever Azazel had done to them, it still wasn’t over.

Dean hung up his phone back in the room and turned around as the three walked in. “Hey, you guys seen Dick? He’s not in his room. He’s not answering his phone.” He stopped to greet Riley with a kiss. “Hey, sweetheart.”

With all of them inside, Sam shut the door and shrugged. “He must've taken off or something.”

“Just like that? It's a little weird.”

“Yeah well, if you ask me what's weird is why he helped us in the first place,” Bobby added.

Confusion sat on the young hunters’ faces as Sam turned to Bobby. “Wait. I thought you saved his life. The thing in Flagstaff?”

“That thing in Flagstaff was an amulet. I gave him a good deal, that's all.” When he realized the web of lies Richard had weaved, Bobby gave them all a knowing look. “You kids better check your pockets.” As the brothers did just that, the old hunter rolled his eyes. “Not literally.”

Dean stopped what he was doing and slowly looked up at his partners and then turned to the safe in the closet. The others followed his line of sight. He walked towards it and groaned with worry. “No, no, no, no.”

When Dean opened the safe, it was empty.

“The Colt,” Sam bit. “He stole the fucking Colt?!”

“Goddamit!” Bobby cursed in frustration and almost in unison with Riley as she ran her hands through her hair.

“Fuck!”

Quickly slamming the safe shut in anger, Dean barked his orders. “Pack your shit. We’re gonna go hunt the son of a bitch down.”

------

With their bags slung over their shoulders, Riley and Dean headed for the car where Sam was prepping their gear at the trunk of the Impala.

Riley stopped in her tracks and softly called, “Dean…”

He stopped and turned back toward her. “Yeah?”

“I--” Riley couldn’t finish her sentence as she could feel the anxiety build inside the man she loved. Dean had been terrified to talk to her about what she had seen and Riley knew it wasn’t her place. She took a few steps forward and took his hand in hers.

Looking up at him, she feigned a smile. “Nothing.”

Dean pulled her close for a brief second as he kissed the top of her head. “Come on.”

Once they reached the car, Riley loaded up the front seat as Dean helped his brother at the trunk. There had been no real conversation between the two since their run-in with Jeremy and Dean had to know what Sam remembered.

“Hey, Sam. I was wondering. When you were in my head, what did you see?”

“Uh--just Jeremy,” Sam lied. “He kept me separated from you. Easier to beat my brains out that way, I guess.”

Dean scoffed at his response hoping that it was the truth.

“What about you? You never said.” Though he wasn’t ready to share everything that had happened in his dream, Sam couldn’t help but desperately wonder about Dean’s.

Shaking his head, Dean continued his own omission. “Nothing. I was looking for you the whole time.” The older Winchester closed the trunk and his keys jingled as he locked it.

Once all three of them were in the car, there was a moment of silence while Dean looked lost in thought. “Hey, uh…” clearing his throat, he went on. “I've been doing some thinking, and…” He struggled to get out the words. “Well, the thing is...I don't wanna die.”

Both Riley and Sam’s expressions softened into sadness.

“I don't wanna go to Hell.”

Sam swallowed, not answering right away. He then nodded lightly and spoke gently. “Alright. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you.”

In typical Winchester fashion, Dean pushed down his urge to cry and scrunched his face with a hard sniffle until he was stoic once again.

With a small smile on his lips, he turned to his partners as Riley placed a loving hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, good,” he answered shakily.

Riley felt a powerful dread come over Dean that soaked into her bones. She could feel his memory play back his nightmare as he stared at the demon version of himself, those awful black eyes ripping into his soul.

Her breath hitched as they seemed to glare right back at her.

“You're gonna die!” it roared. “And this? This is what you're gonna become!”

------

S3 Episode 9: Mystery Spot

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jensenscomedyelbows · 6 years ago

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SUPERNATUAL 21 QUESTIONS

(THE INCREDIBLE HEATHER, AKA @sammichgirl, did this and tagged me as one of her favorite blogs, so I’m giving it a go. Thanks, doll.)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

On September 19, 2012. I was recovering from surgery and had binged all there was to binge on Netflix at that point, and I asked my BFF James what I should watch. He immediately said “Supernatural!” I was skeptical, and I asked him exactly what it was about. He told me brothers, Sam and Dean, who were “slayers,” probably because he knew I loved BtVS and that would interest me. I thought hmmm, maybe. That same day my other BFF, Angel, called to check on me, so I asked her if she had any recommendations—and she said the same thing! She, like James, had watched every episode live since day one. So I watched the pilot, and was immediately struck by the twin images of Mary and Jessica burning on the ceiling. I HAD TO KNOW WHY. Three weeks later, I finished season 6, just in time for Netflix to add season 7, and not long after I finished that, season 8 began airing live, with me right in front of my TV every Tuesday night, dying to see what would happen next. AND I’M STILL HERE (and have been to THREE conventions, lord have mercy!)

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

Like Heather, I never really thought that was a thing. It was a line put in for a laugh in one episode that got blown up into a big deal, but I never felt invested in the concept. But if you’re asking me which character is my favorite among Sam, Dean, and Castiel, my favorite will always be Dean. You can’t love him without loving Sam too, however, and there are episodes in which my sympathies are more with Sam, and episodes in which I identify/sympathize more with Dean. I rarely sympathize with Castiel because he’s not human.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Castiel. I haven’t much liked his character since season 5, but I do recognize that’s entirely the writers’ fault.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

The ones I turn to again and again for gifs (and which have been particularly useful in illustrating my 2019 rewatch) have been: @sensitivehandsomeactionman @secretsandgreeneyes @saucynewf @demondetoxmanual and @spn-idjits-guide-to-hunting. I also love @lipglosskaz @sammichgirl @lemondropsonice @whiskeycherrypie and @misswhizzy. I am a thousand percent sure I’m leaving out at least fifty I love and adore 🥰, and it will drive me nuts thinking about it!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Bobby Singer, no contest, hands down.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Ellen Harvelle. A calm, steadying presence with the knowledge and skill to back up her formidable courage. Tough when she needed to be, loving when the people she cared about were in trouble. Heroic.

7. John or Mary?

Neither or both. If you erase the Dabb era resurrection of Mary, then both. Both John and Mary had profound impacts on Sam and Dean’s personalities and views of the world—John’s by his presence and Mary’s by her absence. They made our boys who they are. But if you count Mary’s resurrection and terrible new character arc, then John of course.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

I thought it was commendable for Sam to want to go to law school, and tragic what happened to Jessica and his plans for the future. I loved how open he was with Dean (early days!), how much trust he had in him, and how easily victims responded to him. Also: book smarts are a turn-on of mine.

I fell in love with Dean’s beauty by Wendigo, and his everything else by Home. The brave face, the stiff upper lip hiding the vulnerability and insecurity from his little brother because he feels he has to be strong for him—all that just made me love him more. Also: a wicked sense of humor is a huge turn-on of mine.

Castiel has a great character entrance. Emotionless. He burned out Pamela’s eyes. I thought that was unnecessary. He and Uriel were alien beings whose motives were the opposite of pure, so I feared his power and questioned his interaction with Sam and Dean.

Jack: Oh, I get it—the CW needs to compete with Riverdale and its other shows featuring teenagers, so they invented Lucifer’s son to boost ratings. *shrug*

9. What’s your favorite season?

2, 4, and 5–there are just too many good ones to have just one favorite. I also love 1 and 3. LOL.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 12 just about broke me. Let me count the ways: Lucifer possessing the President of the United States (oh please, I watch this show to ESCAPE real life, tyvm), Sam and Dean MURDERING him in yet another failed attempt to kill Lucifer, being sent to “Supermax” which, again, PLEASE, do you even know what would happen to the assassins responsible for killing the POTUS? Not even Sam and Dean would be able to bust out of that lockup—no effing way—yet they did. And how did they do it? By murdering a shitload of HUMAN BEINGS just doing their jobs, running around with AK-47s while yelling how they’re the guys who saved the world 🙄 I can’t see either Sam or Dean EVER bragging about that, and since then, they have, many times, and it always sets my teeth on edge. SEASON TWELVE DOESN’T EXIST TO ME.

11. What’s your opinion on Destiel?

It’s a fan ship that is popular among the younger, less experienced viewers of our show (many of whom haven’t even seen any seasons/episodes without Castiel in them), so my opinion isn’t very high. It’s like Dean and Cas are two dolls, and the Destiel fandom’s chief delight is mashing them together any way they can. And forcing the rest of us to hear them lecture us on how it’s “real,” how it’s “going to be canon,” and generally alienating everyone who doesn’t ship those two characters. I ignore anything to do with it.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

I’m not queer, so bearing in mind that I wouldn’t necessarily see it if it did, I’ve tried to look at it as impartially and dispassionately as possible, and I believe that Misha has been guilty of it, on occasion. (Sure, it’s all in good fun, he’s only kidding, he’s having a laugh, etc.) Ben Edlund has as well. Robbie Thompson was perhaps guilty of it a time or two. But this is all supposing that it is impossible for A TRUE PLATONIC LOVING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO MEN to be portrayed on television. I mean, Dean/Castiel is the only “baiting” I’ve ever heard people yell about, so I’m sticking to this one possible pairing as the one responsible for this question. I personally have no trouble accepting a platonic same-sex relationship...but queer fandom seems to have a lot of trouble with this concept?

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Hahahaha, obviously 1-7. KEEP 12 AWAY FROM ME.

14. Who’s your favorite villain?

CROWLEY. He was so awful before his redemptive stuff at the end. Never forget that as of the end of season 8, he was murdering all the innocent people Sam and Dean had saved (including Sarah Blake!), then in season 9, he was the one responsible for getting Gadreel out of Sam. After that, he wasn’t really a villain anymore. But he was so irredeemably evil for four seasons!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

THEY HAVE! Now they just need to end the NICK plot line.

16. Who do you think has been through more trauma—Sam, Dean or Cas?

Sam and Dean have been through the SAME traumas, almost exactly, so I call theirs dead even. I wouldn’t want to measure or quantify “trauma” in any case. Castiel isn’t human, so I never thought of him as undergoing any trauma.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Mystery Spot, 3x11. It’s the one I would show someone new to the show. It’s the one I watch when I’m down. I LOVE stories with the time-loop trope ❤️ The acting is phenomenal. It’s funny, it’s tragic, it’s everything.

18. Do you like the case episodes?

All of season 1 is comprised of “case” episodes. Looking for John and Sam’s connection to “the demon” are secondary in that season, and I loved it enough to fall in love with the entire series, so YES. I’m a horror/mystery buff at heart.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that my answer is Dean.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Honestly, it’s the only place I can see the Winchesters do their thing—make their choices, fight their battles, and live their lives. They DO lead eventful lives!

21. If you could bring back one character and kill another off, who would they be?

I’m gonna interpret “bring back” as “never killed off” and go with Bobby—the Bobby we knew and loved, the Bobby who had the boys’ backs and was always there, dispensing wisdom and advice. “Bring back” means an entirely different thing now that there’s an AU—they can (and have) brought back EVERYBODY in an effort to appease fans and boost ratings. I think it’s a failure of imagination, personally, and I’ll give that version of bringing back a hard pass.

I would definitely kill Castiel off, or send him to Heaven for good. And then I don’t want to hear another word about Heaven or Hell again, the end. He hasn’t done anything but give pep talks and occasionally perform a miraculous task when the writers need him to. His character has already been killed, and it was a slow death by a thousand cuts. Very sad.

OKAY. I’m not tagging anybody either, but here’s your chance to get your opinions out there and on the record, so do it! (if you do it, please tag me!)

#supernatural opinions #degree of difficulty: expert #sammichgirl

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curestardust · 6 years ago

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if you want: (copy-pasting from my previous review cause it didn’t change) well, it’s BNHA lmao / amazing animation / amazing music / shounen / superpowers and heroes / to have a good fucking time

BNHA S1 (x) BNHA S2 (x)

Going to keep this very short as I’ve said most of what I wanted in my previous 2 reviews.

This season specifically, felt a tiny bit less satisfactory as the other 2. Not by much, and considering how much I liked the first 2 seasons it’s difficult to live up to that quality anyway.

My main problem stems from how the 2 arcs, this season shows us, are the polar opposites of each other. The first half of season 3 literally gave me about 30 heart attacks. It was really wild, full of twists and turns and despite the pressure it put on my already deteriorating mental health, it was enjoyable in a way a wild roller coaster is. As opposed to this, the second arc had basically no stakes, or at least, they paled in comparison to the arc beforehand. We also get introduced to a buttload of people who we don’t know when they will show up again or how much relevancy they’ll have in the future. As opposed to (2), the first arc, where we also got introduced to quite a lot of new characters, however we knew why they were there and how much importance they have to the story.

Well, anyway. I really enjoyed this season depsite its disjointed nature and am looking forward to season 4! WhoHOOO [8/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

if you want: Dark Fantasy / you like Fantasy but want something a bit different

Goblin Slayer was last year’s Fall Season’s second most popular original anime (according to MAL ratings at least).

I’m going to be honest...I don’t watch isekai or medieval fantasy stuff. The tropes bore me to absolute deah: an OP and basically undefeatable main character, the same exact fantasy characters with the same exact characterizations (elves, dwarves), the same class systems etc. Every single anime in these genres look the exact same with different characters. So, I was gonna pass by Goblin Slayer as well as usual however everyone was saying how DIFFERENT it was and that you NEED to watch the first episode.

So, I gave in. Was it worth it? No. You know what makes this anime so DIFFERENT? Scroll down to the anime information. Rated: R - 17+. That’s all you need to understand what’s different about this. Still, if you wanna watch the first episode without spoilers then leave now.

Goblin Slayer is a Dark Fantasy. Dark, because it has a lot of blood, bones crunching, gore and, of course, rape. Everything dark needs rape! Oh, whatever would we do without including women getting their bodies used by ugly creatures!

So yes, that’s literally why everyone likes Goblin Slayer, cause it’s edgy. There, I said it. The first episode starts out quite normal; a group of young, inexperienced adventurers decide to go into a cave and slay some goblins. Their team consist of a male warrior, a female mage, a female priest and a female melee fighter. About halfway through is where we’re hit with the EDGE. Goblins ambush them, steal one of the girls, rape another one and tear the guy to pieces. The priestess tries to escape and then runs into some guy decked out in armour: the Goblin Slayer.

After the ordeal is over, the Priestess joins Goblin Slayer in his adventures. Later on we’re joined by 3 new characters: a High Elf, a Dwarf and a Lizard. They say they’re some kind of ambassadors or something...but that’s never brought up again.

If you’re wondering why I’m calling them by their classes and races, that’s because they don’t have names. And I legit didn’t even notice until I just checked Wikipedia like 2 seconds ago. I guess it’s fitting cause not only do they lack names but also a personality.

The anime shows us a few nice fight scenes that usually take up 1 and a half episode. They aren’t really anything special but nice enough to watch and they keep your attention. However, between every fight there’s 1 episode of filler. Filler! In a 12 episode anime! And they’re fucking boring!

The art isn’t anything to write home about, the fight scenes are usually nice enough but everything else is painfully average. The music would be the only thing that I liked. While quite generic, they work really well with the scenes. The OP and the ED are especially nice.

And that’s the problem! The OP and the first episode are the ONLY good things about this, everything else is just dull. This anime was a solid 3/10 for almost the whole runtime but it managed to save its butt in the finale which is why my current rating is a bit higher.

If you like Dark Fantasy or are intrigued I’d suggest watching the first episode. None of the eps after come even close to that and the way it was structured it works as an OVA by itself. [4/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

if you want: supernatural background story / mild horror due to some deaths / a nice mystery with a lot of plot twists that keeps you on your toes

“Another” is a 12 episode supernatural horror mystery that aired in 2012.

Our story starts with a guy named Sakakibara who has to move to Yamamiya, the town his parents grew up in. Due to some health problems, we start out with him in the hospital where he meets a girl with an eyepatch who introduces herself as Misaki Mei. After starting his 9th year in high school a month late, he once again runs into this girl in class but no one seems to react to her presence. As time goes on, Sakakibara’s classmates’ weird behaviour makes him confused and he wonders what’s going on. “Another” follows Class 3-3′s supernatural happenings and the story surrounding it.

“Another” is a really difficult anime to talk about and I’ll get to why in a second. But first, I will delve into the 3 genres I listed above and how the anime executes them.

The supernatural element was handled in a way that I found quite refreshing. The whole anime is enveloped by supernatural happenings and a strange atmosphere. However, instead of focusing on finding out the source of the weird events and trying to stop it at its core, “Another” handles it if it’s just a fact of life in the town and for our characters. While it can be said that the supernatural elements are simply lazy tropes to create a story without having to explain it deeper, I didn’t feel the need for it to be further expanded upon.

There isn’t much to say about the horror in “Another”. I guess the creepy atmosphere would be listed under this category but besides that the only horror-ish things happening are somewhat gruesome deaths. Even then, while the ways characters die is...not pretty, there’s mostly just a shitton of blood but nothing in particular made me too uncomfortable.

Lastly, is the meat of the story and the whole reason I ended up enjoying “Another” as much as I did despite my initial thoughts. The anime starts out a bit slow with a lot of silent scenes and long drawn-out shots for the sake of the atmoshpere. I don’t like slow anime so I was worried that I’ll be bored out of my mind but thankfully the mystery saved it. I know that opinions on this plot device are a bit divided but I thoroughly enjoy plot twists. The kind that I couldn’t see coming. Not to toot my own horn or anything but a lot of media usually builds upon one, singular huge plot twist and I figure them out pretty early on so they aren’t that enjoyable when they actually happen.

Well, “Another” very smartly leads you on with MULTIPLE plot twists. And these don’t come out of left field either. The anime drops slight hints for a lot of things and you need to follow everything and everyone pretty closely to catch all the small details.

My only problem would be with the ending which was a bit...well. It clashed with the established tone of the anime and felt a bit rushed. I understood the intention behind what happens however I think it could’ve been handled better. Some plot holes also remain by the end but the final plot twist was so HUGE, I really didn’t care at the time.

To wrap up, the technical stuff. The animation is well done with a few wonky shots and angles but nothing major. The OST itself is also pretty good, serves as a good backdrop for the scenes and does its job. The OP and the ED are probably the most disappointing musically. The OP doesn’t really fit the tone of the anime (although you get weirdly fond of it by the end) and the ED is a very generic ballad.

All in all, I enjoyed “Another” much more than I thought I would and was an intriguing ride all the way through. If you enjoy stories with uncovering mysteries, and aren’t bothered by blood and supernatural involvements, I’d suggest watching this. [8/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

#dusty reviews #Goblin Slayer #Another #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #my hero academia season 3 #my hero academia s03 #my hero academia s3 #boku no hero academia season 3 #boku no hero academia s03 #boku no hero academia s3

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mysterylover123 · 6 years ago

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My Top 10 Favorite Series of All Time

Mysterylover123, to my followers.

This list, of course, could change. At some point in the future, I could always discover a new series that topples the competition - but for the moment, here they are. My top 10 favorite series of all time - mostly comics or television, but also film, and a few novel series made the honorable mentions list.

Of course, these are all just my personal favorites - that’s the key word. While I did consider objective quality when making the call, I mostly went with my gut and listed series I love for whatever reason - maybe sentimental value, pushing my personal buttons, or just characters I adored. I also made myself list the things I don’t like about the series as well, just to avoid gushing too much and remember that all but one (my #1) series out there are at least, a little, flawed, but nonetheless still lovable. With that in mind, here they are:

#10. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000-2015)

Type: Live-Action TV show

Genre: Crime/Mystery; forensic drama, police procedural

Favorite character: Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger)

Favorite episode: “Grave Danger”, Parts 1 & 2 (Season 5 finale)

Favorite Season: 7

Favorite villain: The Miniature Killer/Natalie Davis

Bad points: Weak later seasons, forced romance subplot, copious amounts of filler

Why it’s here: CSI is nostalgic for me. I watched it during my early crime drama loving years, and found out that as much as I liked the premise, what made the show for me was the cast. That was the first time I realized how essential characters are to creating intriguing drama. CSI is still my favorite traditional crime/mystery show, since in seasons 1-8, it maintained a good balance of character drama and mystery-of-the-week. Season 7 is a high point, balancing an ongoing story with lots of fun one-offs and an emotionally explosive payoff. Later seasons, however, wear down the show’s quality for me. Too many beloved characters left and the series becomes too reliant on filler, ending with a thud that is the series finale. But the best of CSI is still enough to land it here for me.

(Just to clarify, I mean Las Vegas)

#9. Futurama (1999-2003; 2008-2013)

Type: Animated TV Show + movies

Genre: Sci Fi Dramedy

Favorite character: Philip J Fry (Billy West)

Favorite episode: “Jurassic Bark”

Favorite season: 4

Favorite villain: Bender

Bad points: Sexism, weak later seasons, bad 2nd movie

Why it’s here: Futurama came to me during a phase of depression in my life, and the show’s combination of humor and cry-your-eyes out tragedy kept me going. I’ve seen it through five times, and it’s always a blast. To me, Futurama is better than The Simpsons. Simpsons is funnier, but only for seven years or so. Following those seven years are 21 of mediocrity, whereas Futurama thankfully cuts it short. While some of the later seasons are weaker than the early Fox years, they still have quality gems and the show’s unique flavor. The series speaks to me so much; it’s a mix of hilarious comedy, serious character drama, and high sci-fi concepts that all mesh together in a unique experience. This is a series that’s not afraid to try new things, to experiment and let the characters age and grow. My personal favorite part of the series is the friendship between the core trio, Fry, Bender and Leela. Any episode starring them is a-ok by me.

Favorite memories: Binge-watching the series during a period of unemployment.

#8. Death Note (2003-2004; 2006-2007)

Type of series: Manga/Anime

Genre: Supernatural Crime Thriller

Favorite Character: L Lawliet (Alessandro Juliani)

Favorite Episode: Episode 2, “Confrontation”

Favorite Arc: The first one

Favorite villain: Light Yagami (Brad Swaile)

Bad points: Weak second half, so-so character development

Why it’s here: Death Note is a dark, twisted, engrossing thriller, which under normal circumstances shouldn’t be re-watchable. But I keep coming back to it, regardless of how many times I’ve seen it before. It’s a digestible 37 episodes and 108 chapters, for one thing. It introduced me to two characters that endlessly fascinate and frustrate my analytical brain. The antagonists, Light and L, are two of the most brilliant characters I’ve come across in fiction, and their dynamic with each other is endlessly engaging. Well, it should have been through the whole series…if not for certain incidents. But no matter; we have what we have. Flawed, yes. Terrifying, certainly. Death Note scares me like no other story. But what frightens me in DN isn’t so much there gruesome deaths, but how effortlessly it portrays the banality of evil.

Favorite memories: Watching the show during the winter holidays while on vacation, and contemplating the series during the drive home.

#7. Spider-Man (1962-)

Type: Comic book; various mediums of adaptation

Genre: Superhero

Favorite character: Mary Jane Watson

Favorite Storyline: The Night Gwen Stacy Died, #121-122

Favorite villain: The Green Goblin

Bad points: Weak later issues, lots of filler, “One More Day”

Why it’s here: Spidey is still my favorite superhero. He was me in high school (I got into Spider-Man in high school, incidentally), the everyman, the representation of my nerdy outcast struggle and need to both escapism and greater responsibility. But what really drew me to the comic, and still does, was the vast and multifaceted supporting cast. In the great eras of Spidey (Ditko, Romita, Conway, and late 1980s), the supporting cast make the series. Whether it’s Peter’s various complex lady loves, the endless cavalcade of memorable villains, supporting dude-friends like Flash and Harry or my personal favorite, mainstay Mary Jane “you just hit the jackpot” Watson, the cast of Spidey was majorly influential with good reason. The series loses it’s skill in the 1990s, thanks to the Clone Saga and general 90s comic badness, and plummets into an irretrievable black hole in 2007, never to return. But fortunately, there’s still thirty years’ worthy of fascinating comics to draw from before that insanity begins. And those stories have in turn fed fantastic adaptations, whether it be the sentimental 90s animated show, a few of the films, or the superlative Spectacular cartoon.

Favorite memories: Reading Spider-Man comics after high school, while waiting to get picked up. Also, watching the 90s show as a little kid, even if those are kinda dim.

#6. Gravity Falls (2012-2016)

Type of series: Animated TV Show

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite character: Mabel Pines (Kirsten Schaal)

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “Not What he Seems”

Favorite Villain: Bill Cipher

Bad points: A few filler episodes, some odd messages, so-so ending

Why it’s here: I love a good spooky story. Gravity Falls caught my attention around Halloween in 2016, 8 months after the series finale; I binged the whole series through in a weekend. The series remains one of the all-time best I’ve ever watched. With one or two exceptions, there are no outright bad episodes. Everything is either entertaining or incredibly entertaining. The characters feel real, the messages really hit home, and the creativity on display is astounding. Gravity Falls has something in every corner - great character development, compelling drama, laugh-out-loud comedy, and a truly engaging mystery that doesn’t disappoint. I wish the franchise ran a little longer, but I’ll give it props that unlike nearly every other show on this list, Gravity Falls doesn’t over-stay its welcome. Two seasons of brilliance, wrapping up with a strong, though not perfect, finale, before the series had a chance to go on too long or burn out the creators. It’s a welcome treat to watch again, and again, and again. It’s mostly low on this list, not because of the few weak points, but because I don’t have as much emotional attachment to the series as I do to my top 5 pics.

Favorite memories: Watching the show with my dad and brother on vacation. Both of them are very surly and nit-picky, so presenting them with a show this good meant no cause to complain.

#5. Frasier (1993-2004)

Type: Live Action TV series

Genre: Sitcom

Favorite character: Niles Crane (David Hyde-Pierce)

Favorite season: 4

Favorite episode: “Something Borrowed, Something Blue”

Bad points: Weaker later/early seasons, sometimes annoying

Why it’s here: Frasier has a record for the most Emmy awards won by a single show. And rightly so, in my opinion. This is one of those series with astonishingly top-notch writing all around. It’s a sitcom that banks it’s humor on taking down pretentious snobs and prejudiced jerks; the jokes stay funny because, like all good humor, they stay relevant. This series feels kind of timeless; despite coming out in the instantly dated 90s, the characters’ fashions, mindsets, and relationships feel like they could be written today or twenty-forty years earlier. My heart belongs to the series’ ongoing love story between uptight, snippy Niles and eccentric, lovable Daphne (Jane Leeves). I have yet to see a better executed TV romance, one that pulls out all the stops like this one does. If I were to compare Frasier to anything, it would be to a Jane Austen novel. It has the same social satire, the same sardonic humor, the same understanding of romance and human psychology. That, to me, is what makes a great comedy.

Favorite memories: Discovering Frasier out of Sideshow Bob on The Simpsons - and coming to realize which of the two is truly the better comedy. (Sorry to take another potshot at Simpsons; I do like the early seasons, I just think the show is overrated).

#4. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (2008-)

Series type: Live Action films and TV

Genre: Superhero

Favorite characters: Tie: Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston)

Favorite film: Captain America the Winter Soldier (2014)

Favorite phase: Phase 3 (so far)

Bad points: Occasional weak/so-so film, lack of representation

Why it’s here: I first watched only a handful of MCU films; after Avengers, I gave it up and focused on other things. I loved it the first time, but when I came back and screened every picture in the lineup till the present, that is when I fell in love with the franchise. I was missing out on some of the series’ best characters. And that’s what makes the MCU special to so many people: the characterization. The series is at it’s best when it’s giving it’s multi-layered cast focus and development. Marvel comics have always been a favorite of mine, so naturally their best known adaptation is one of my favorites in general. I’ve found something to enjoy in just about every film in the franchise. The biggest surprise hit for me was the Captain America films - a part of the franchise I never dreamed I’d love, but which won me over with the stellar writing in the 2011 film, the indelible Winter Soldier, and the stunning, heartbreaking Civil War. I’m almost afraid of what will come next, as the franchise is heading towards a finale.

Favorite memories: Watching the films over a long, bitter summer, as my only source of joy while working a thankless job and living in a place with bad internet reception.

#3. The Buffy-verse (1997-2004) Series Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel

Type of series: Live-Action TV shows

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite characters: Buffy, Cordelia, and Spike

Favorite season: Season 5 of Buffy, Season 2 of Angel

Favorite episodes: “Once More with Feeling” Buffy, “You’re Welcome” Angel

Bad points: Weak later seasons, Season 6, some bad filler

Why it’s here: If I was going on sentimental fandom value alone, the Buffy-verse would be number one. I still squee over this franchise years after I first discovered it; the characters have that special Joss Whedon flair that makes them stand out over the crowd, the series’ core relationships are so fascinating I’m tempted to write fanfic about them, and the philosophies and emotional moments in the series have shaped my life. I would never have known what existentialism was, for instance, if not for Whedon’s show. Angel’s line about “ all that matters is what we do” has helped motivate me ever since I heard it. But looking at the series’ quality (and diversity), I will admit that out of my top 3 favorites, it has the most problems. Both shows have one season I can cheerfully proclaim to be outright terrible, (Season 4 for Angel, Season 6 for Buffy), and very shaky first seasons that take a while to find their feet. There are some plot decisions I just can’t forgive, and some truly weak arc villains. But there is also so much that this franchise does so well, whether it be stellar standalones, bold plot moves, and of course, the character arcs.

Favorite memories: Rewatching the show on vacation in France.

#2. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005-2008)

Type: Animated TV series

Genre: Fantasy Steampunk

Favorite characters: Zuko, Azula and Sokka

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “The Guru”

Bad points: Forced romantic subplots, The Great Divide, odd conclusion

Why it’s here: You may have heard, if you’ve spent any time on the internet, what a fantastic series ATLA is. I try to avoid such phrases when attempting to sell the show to people, because describing a series that way is usually a bad move. But rest assured, it’s warranted. Avatar The Last Airbender is a stellar show in every possible way. Aside from the few bad points I mentioned above, ATLA does everything right. It has the best world building I’ve ever encountered. The animation, storytelling, emotions, messages (sometimes), plot points, philosophies, individual episodes, comedy, drama, action, epic sweep, surprise reveals…(several hours of listing things later) all of these things are pitch perfect. But as always, what makes this show is the cast. My lord, what a cast. These characters are so embedded in my mind, their arcs, personalities, development and entertainment value all stand out a cut above the rest. ATLA is a stunning masterpiece, one that no adaptation could capture, and that even it’s own creators have yet to follow up on, with either the sequel or the comics. But no matter. The original is there, it always will be, and more people discover it every day.

Favorite memories: Nothing quite compares to seeing ATLA for the first time. I saw it in 2014, one of the worst years of my life. Once again, my miserable experience was improved by a fantastic story.

Before #1: The Runners-up.

Game of Thrones: I used to adore GOT, but it started losing me after season 3; I lost respect for the show in season 5. still, those early seasons are still crucial parts of our culture and should be remembered.

Harry Potter: I grew up with these books and I still enjoy parts of them; overall, however, they strike me as being just a little less than they could have been.

Percy Jackson: I binged through the whole first book in a few hours, and loved these novels as a teen. As an adult, they don’t hold up as well, but I still appreciate the things they do right.

The Legend of Korra: The sequel to ATLA is spotty in many ways, but contains enough moments I absolutely love to make it at least a runner up.

South Park: Another series that got me through a bad time in my life and helped me deal with certain aspects of myself (especially episode 1507.) However, the early and late seasons are pretty bad, and the show doesn’t age very well.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: A bizarre little anime that nonetheless really stands out to me for how crazy it gets and how unique the story is.

Hannibal: A guilty pleasure - definitely a show that gets too far up it’s own butt in later episodes, but nonetehless appealing and interesting in the subjects it’s willing to tackle.

Parks and Recreation: My other favorite TV sitcom besides Fraser - it’s a strong runner up for the list but not quite sentimental enough.

Steven Universe: 3 great seasons, followed by a lot of recent mediocrity. Great when it’s great, bad when it’s not.

Code Geass: an immensely ambitious series, that doesn’t quite realize it’s goals but god damn if it isn’t a beautiful try.

Daria: Another show that really spoke to me in high school

Firefly: This was the biggest runner-up for the list. Firefly is 14 amazing episodes of television cut short too soon, giving us amazing characters and great world building in a short amount of time. The series has some bits that haven’t aged well, and those were enough to keep it off my top 10.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

#1. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (manga: 2001-2010, anime 2009-2010)

Series type: Anime/Manga

Genre: Sci Fi (I think)

Favorite character: Edward Elric

Favorite episodes: “Flame of Vengeance”; “Backs in the Distance”

Bad points: None

Why it’s here: I’m gonna be brutally honest: FMAB is here because I can’t find anything wrong with it. It is, without question, the single most perfect piece of fiction I’ve ever come across. It almost frightened me when I first finished the series. Surely there must be some major, glaring flaw, some bad installment or weak character, that I could point to and say Look! Here’s the flaw! This was made by human hands after all! But nope. Many, many rereads through, and I still haven’t found one. FMAB stands supreme. This series has everything. The most fleshed out and real-feeling cast of characters I’ve ever come across (even minor background characters have spectacular arcs and feel like real people). The best pacing and plotting of an overall story arc. The best world building, aside from ATLA. The best exploration of social issues, the best feminism, the best use of mature storytelling. Everything comes back around. The themes, the mystery, the overall tone and story structure. I feel like an engineer gushing over the most perfectly calibrated car ever made each time I watch it. But Fullmetal is even more than just expertly made. It’s appealing. It’s popular. It’s the kind of story you can write essays on or write fanfic for. FMAB can be enjoyed in every capacity. I recommend taking the time to read the Manga first (that’s what I did), then watch Brotherhood. There really is nothing quite like FMAB. (oh, BTW, it has the best series finale of anything e ver. Period.)

Best memories: Watching Fullmetal while coping with death for the first time in my life. There is no better series when it comes to dealing with this subject.

#top ten list #CSI: Crime Scene Investigation #tv show #futurama #Death Note #L Lawliet #spiderman #gravity falls #frasier #marvel cinematic universe #Buffyverse #Avatar The Last Airbender #Fullmetal Alchemist

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