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master-sass-blast · 4 years ago

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This Life is Infinite: Chapter One.

OH YEAH. IT'S TIME, BITCHES!!!

Summary: The Infinity War Fic aka I do whatever the fuck I want with the Russo's canon.

Get ready for the most ambitious crossover in CHC history.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, Alexandra Rasputin x Nikolai Rasputin, and Kitty Pryde x Illyana Rasputin.

Rating: M for canon typical violence and death threats.

Word Count: 10k... oops.

Set after "Children of the Gods: Part Three."

Author's Note: Tentatively, I’m back from my hiatus. Things are nowhere near settled with my mental health, but I’m feeling well enough to post again.

I think it mostly goes without saying that updates for this series might be a little irregular going forward; not only do I need to take care of myself, but I also need to find a better balance with posting fanfiction and the rest of my life. As always, I will do my best to be clear with you all about what to expect in terms of updates and wait times.

Thank you again for your compassion and understanding.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @leo-writer, @emma-frxst, @sadstone-s

It’s not every day that mysterious, leather-clad men appear –quite literally, considering they teleported in—in your kitchen unannounced.

(Okay, perhaps they don’t qualify as “mysterious” when one of them is your dad, one of them is your brother, and the third is your uncle, but there’s a fourth man with them that you don’t recognize, so you like to think that the principle of the expression remains intact.)

You glance between Nate, Wade, your uncle, and the aforementioned unrecognized fourth man, then lift the box of cereal you’d been pouring into a bowl by way of greeting. “Breakfast?”

***

(The fourth man, as it turns out, goes by the code name “Kronos” –which, in terms of super cool code names, ranks at about an eight.)

“There’s a war coming,” Nate explains while the four of you stand around your kitchen counter. “Apocalypse is stirring. He’ll be sending his allies to Earth to initiate the first stage of the war, so that he’ll encounter less resistance when he comes to rule.”

“‘s called ‘The Decimation,’” Wade interjects as he shovels spoonfuls of Lucky Charms into his mouth. He points at his bowl, then jerks his head at the fridge. “D’ y’all have chocolate syrup?”

“Yeah, second shelf on the door.” You take another bite of your cereal, swallow, then ask Nathan, “What… what happens with ‘The Decimation?’”

“One of Apocalypse’s allies, Thanos, will arrive with his armies and generals. He’ll use his own forces to annihilate the heroes of Earth, then he’ll finish assembling the Infinity Stones and gauntlet and use them to wipe out half of all life across the cosmos.”

You purse your lips together and eye your dad warily. “If… if this was anyone other than you saying this, I’d say this all sounds like a hackneyed comic book and-or movie plot.”

“His information checks out,” Kronos says, voice low and gravelly. “Our cross-temporal intel confirms communications between Apocalypse and Thanos. We might have a few weeks to prepare for Thanos’s arrival –and that’s if we’re lucky.”

Wade snorts and mutters something that sounds suspiciously like “handwavey bullshit” under his breath.

You look to your uncle. “And you’re here because…”

“Need to talk to Xavier,” your uncle answers, “and then alert the Avengers and anyone else that can help us face Thanos.”

“Right,” you say slowly. “And you stopped here first because…”

“I was hungry,” Wade blurts as he drizzles more chocolate syrup on top of his cereal.

“You have credibility,” Nathan says while shooting Wade an equally annoyed and endeared look. “Xavier and Piotr listen to you, and the rest of the X-Men listen to them. We can’t afford to deal with a bunch of hesitating and infighting right now. We need to get our shit together and defeat Thanos, or the world as we know it is fucked.”

“Question.” Wade lifts his spoon. “Does Donald Trump die in this decimation bullshit?”

“We’ll deal with him later,” your uncle stage-whispers to Wade.

“If you’re all sure…” You wait for all four of them to nod, then sigh and shrug. “Alright. I think most of the X-Men are training right now. Let’s go talk to them.”

***

“This all sounds fucking insane.”

Wade gasps. The eyes on his mask widen as he lifts a gloved hand to where his mouth is under his mask. “James Doohan used a no-no word! My goodness gracious golly!”

Scott Summers scowls, but otherwise ignores Wade. He turns to the Professor, expression incredulous. “Do you believe… any of this?”

Xavier grimaces. “Our sources through Kronos” –he gestures to your uncle’s colleague—“have been confirming the intentions of Apocalypse for several years now. The difficulty was always in determining when Apocalypse would act, and in which timeline –though, now that we have Cable’s intel, we’ve been able to figure those two details out.”

“If Thanos is as powerful as you’re saying,” Ororo pipes up, looking at Nathan, “then how are we supposed to defeat him?”

“Any way we can,” Nathan fires back, expression grim.

“Our intel says that Thanos only has three of the six Infinity Stones, along with the gauntlet,” Kronos adds. “If we can keep the last three stones out of his hands and defeat his armies here on Earth, we’ll have better odds of facing Apocalypse down the road.”

“Right,” Jean says. “And where are the last three stones?”

“The Mind Stone is in the possession of Vision, an android created by Ultron, who now works with the Avengers,” Kronos explains. “The Time Stone is in the possession of Doctor Stephen Strange, who leads an order of sorcerers and magic users in New York. The Soul Stone… has yet to be located.”

“And we’re sure that Thanos is coming here?” Ororo asks, brows raised in skepticism.

“One of the unifying features across the pertinent timelines is a battle that takes place on Earth, specifically in the country of Wakanda,” Kronos answers. “Regardless of the other features in the timeline, there is always a major confrontation between Thanos and the forces of earth there.”

“Great,” Rogue deadpans, expression flat. “Now we just have to convince them to let us in. ‘Excuse me, your Majesty T’Challa, but there’s an evil spaceman that is collecting all powerful rhinestones and he’s going to come here to try and wipe out half of all life on Earth, so we need you to let us into your country with strict visitation policies to we can help you fight him.’ Yeah, that’ll go over real well.”

“We don’t have time to waste on sarcastic bullshit,” Nathan grits out, cybernetic eye flaring as he glares at Rogue. “We’ll handle getting the Avengers and Wakanda on board,” he says, turning to the Professor. “I take it we can trust you to get your team and Magneto collected?”

“I’ll contact Erik,” Xavier promises before looking over at your husband. “Piotr, would you mind calling your family? I believe, given the severity of the coming conflict, having as many hands as possible would be in our best interests.”

Piotr nods. “Konechno –of course.” He looks up at you from where he’s sitting, confusion clear in his sky blue eyes—

“You good to come with us?” Nathan asks, tapping your shoulder lightly to get your attention. “We’ll need help talking to Stark.”

“Huh? Uh –yeah. Sure.” You look back at Piotr; the request to ask for five minutes, just five minutes, to talk to your husband is on the tip of your tongue—

Nate tugs you –gently—a couple inches closer, then says, “Bodyslide by five.”

The room blurs, then disappears from view.

***

You’ve only bodyslid with Nathan a handful of times –and each time you do, you’re always caught off guard by how fucking weird it feels.

Your stomach lurches like you’ve just gone down the steepest drop on a rollercoaster, even though the ground remains steady beneath your feet. In a flash, there’s a brand new room in front of you –sleek, monochromatic cabinets, white marble countertops, stainless steel appliances and fixtures, the works. The space oozes sophistication, function, style –and money. So much money.

Given everything you’ve heard about Tony Stark, it makes sense.

“Deep breaths,” Nathan says. He places a steadying hand on your shoulder while you blink rapidly. “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

You do your best to comply –though it’s a bit difficult, given that your brain is shrieking ‘sensory overload’ while trying to adjust to the new lighting, the new sounds, the sensation of having moved without really having moved at all, at least in the sense of walking or riding in a car—

And then alarms start blaring. Red lights flash, klaxons go off, the works.

Wade swears and claps his hands over his ears. “Christ! For a guy who has literal robots that can wipe his ass with dollar bills, you think he’d invest in something a little easier on the ears!”

“Wilson!” The klaxons and red lights cut out, replaced by various whirring noises and the sound of hurried, angry footsteps. “I swear to God, if you’ve hijacked one of my jets again, I’m gonna –who the fuck are all of you?”

Tony Stark looks… nothing like what you see in the papers. Granted, his face and hair look largely the same, but he’s not wearing the crisp, stylish suits that all the magazines, articles, papers, and interviews feature him wearing. He’s got on a worn, holey Metallica shirt, ripped, grease stained jeans, and a pair of scuffed sneakers that look like they might’ve been purchased ten years ago, for all that they’re barely holding together.

The army of security bots hovering and whirring around him, however, do fit his press image.

“Jon Snow!” Wade chirps, waggling his fingers at the harried “genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist.” “Long time, no talk. How’s Daenerys doing?”

“Summers, would you do me a favor and put your psychopath on a leash?” Tony asks, tone less than polite or pleasant as he focuses on Nate. “Preferably a nice short one that’s far away from me?”

“We’re here to talk,” Nathan says –though he does stop Wade from trying to play with the knives in the block on the kitchen counter. “It’s a matter of life and death. The well-being of the entire universe is at stake.”

“Yeah, been there, done that,” Tony says, looking none too impressed.

“One of your colleagues may have mentioned his name,” Kronos interjects, taking a step forward. “Does the word ‘Thanos’ ring any bells?”

Tony’s expression sobers for an instant, but he hides it quickly enough. “This is private property, and you’re all—”

A red being with a green suit and a yellow gem in the center of his forehead emerges from the floor. He places himself between Tony and the rest of you. “Would you like me to escort them out, Mr. Stark?”

“Ah, Casper the Friendly Android with No Concept of Personal Boundaries Despite the Infinite Knowledge!” Wade fires back, waving cheerfully. “How you doing, twenty-twenty?”

Vision sighs, longsuffering. “You have been expressly forbidden from these premises, Mr. Wilson.”

“Unless he’s here under my direct supervision,” Nathan fires back. “Stark, we need to talk about this—”

“Tony?” A tall, elegant woman with red hair wearing a tailored, navy blue dress walks up behind the man in question. She flashes you all a polite smile, but there’s no missing the way her gaze cautiously assesses each one of you. “I’m guessing these aren’t –oh. Wade’s here.”

Wade waves in response. “Hi, Miss Potts! How’s being a CEO?”

“It’s going very well, thank you,” Pepper replies politely –though, this time, she’s scanning the room for missing objects and-or visible damage. When nothing turns up, she looks back at Tony. “Are we escorting them out?”

“They claim to have information about the end of the world,” Tony says, tone flippant –though the grave expression on his face belies his snark. “About Thanos.”

Recognition flashes over Pepper’s face, though her polite mask never fully slips. She nods, then says, “Are we going to listen to them?”

“Probably should,” Tony replies in the same lackadaisical tone. “I’m not turning off the security drones while Wilson’s here, though.”

“Just for that, I’m pissing in your Ficus before I leave,” Wade huffs.

“That seems like it’s for the best,” Pepper tells Tony, smiling going tight at the edges while she stares at Wade. She takes a breath, steeling herself, then steps past Tony and nods at the rest of you in greeting. “Sorry for the confusion. Would you mind coming with us, so we can talk somewhere more comfortable?”

***

“I started connecting the dots after Thor left,” Tony explains, twirling a pencil between his fingers as he paces back and forth. “He mentioned Thanos briefly –but with the destruction and repurposing of Loki’s staff, the straggling records of Dormammu’s attack and the use of the Time Stone by Strange, the roles that the Tesseract and Loki’s staff played in the attack on New York by the Chitauri…” He sighs, pausing to stare out at the window at some unseen object before grimacing and shrugging. “It wasn’t hard to figure out.”

You’re all gathered in a conference room –which, as with the kitchen, carries the same modern, sleek style. Floor to ceiling windows show off the training grounds and the forest that conceals the base from the rest of the world. A massive plasma TV takes up one of the far walls, while the other walls are taken up by various dormant, holographic and electronic displays (made by Stark himself, no doubt). A black, oblong table sits in the center of the room, with leather, silver studded swivel chairs positioned around it.

“How many are there?” Tony asks, looking first at Kronos, then at Nathan. “How much time do we have?”

“There are six Infinity Stones in total,” Kronos says. “Thanos already has three –the Space stone, which was contained by the Tesseract, the Reality stone and the Power stone. Your colleague, Vision—” he gestures to the android “—is in possession of the Mind Stone already, and Stephen Strange has the Time Stone. Our agents have been unable to confirm the whereabouts of the Soul Stone, but we’re certain that Thanos doesn’t have it.”

“Yet,” Tony adds, tone pessimistic.

“As far as time goes, we have a few days at most,” Nathan says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Maybe a week, if we’re lucky.”

Tony grimaces. “That doesn’t bode well for rebuilding international relations on a dime. Or team morale for that matter.”

“Sort it out,” Nathan gravels out. “We’ve got bigger issues.”

“We won’t have time for issues if we can’t even pull a team together,” Tony snaps.

“If it helps…” Kronos withdraws a flash drive from his jacket pocket and holds it out to Tony. “The evidence of Thanos’s collection of the stones and his plans to come here.”

Tony accepts the flash drive. He turns it over in his fingers a couple times –no doubt mentally comparing the drive to the technology he’s created—then pockets it. “And Xavier’s on board with all this?”

You blink when you realize everyone’s staring at you. “Uh –yes. He’s contacting Erik Lensherr for some additional support, and the rest of the X-Men are ready to take on Thanos as well.”

“Great.” Tony stares down at the table for a moment, expression slightly melancholy but otherwise inscrutable, but then he snaps back to his usual self. “Good meeting. I’ll text you with the details.”

“Ooh, does that mean we’re trading numbers?” Wade gasps, pressing his hands on either side of his face. “I’ll put you on my favorites list.”

“I’ll contact Xavier,” Tony amends, shooting Wade a slightly harried look.

“We’ll be ready,” you assure him, at a loss for what else to say as you hook your arm around Wade’s to keep him from messing with the holographic display system.

“Vision will escort you out,” Pepper says with a polite smile and nod.

“I’ll make you a friendship bracelet, Tony the Tiger!” Wade calls as you and Nathan gently usher him towards the door. “Wait –stop shoving me! I need to get his wrist size!”

“Later, gorgeous,” Nate says with a barely suppressed smile.

Under any other circumstances, you’d laugh, but the stony foreboding weighing down your gut makes it too hard to even muster up a chuckle –especially when you catch Tony slumping down into one of the conference room chairs with a despairing expression on his face. You force yourself to focus on getting Wade out of the Avenger’s headquarters without stealing anything –though that does little to calm your swirling thoughts. How in the hell are we gonna pull this off?

***

“Are you okay?”

You sigh, instinctively wriggling back against Piotr’s chest as he lays down behind you. “Define ‘okay.’”

It’s nearly midnight now. Between contacting other allies for help –Nathan had you all bodysliding around New York for the better part of the day to reach out to the Hell’s Kitchen figures—and learning up about Thanos’s army and what could be expected in a confrontation against him, you didn’t get home until well after dinner.

You’re in bed now, too tired for anything else. You stare out the windows that overlook the balcony, purposefully trying to keep your mind blank so you don’t grow overwhelmed by the chaos buzzing in your brain.

Because this is insane. This is beyond mutant trafficking or petty grievances between groups of mutant rivals or even being gunned down by the mafia. This is beyond abusive parents, groups of hateful bigots, or anti-mutant legislators.

It’s –quite literally—the fate of the entire world. The entire galaxy. Based on Nathan’s reports of the future, half of all life is wiped out. People, animals, plants –all gone, dissolved into piles of ash… and for what? So some egomaniac can have his moment of glory?

Your stomach curdles when you even try to contemplate a life without Piotr.

“Hey.” Piotr draws you in close when you start crying. “Tische, myshka. Everything is okay.”

“But it’s not.” You sniff, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve. “Nothing about this is fucking okay, Piotr. Someone’s gonna wipe out half of the damn universe because he wants to jerk off to it later.”

“He has to go through us, first,” Piotr reminds you as he presses soft, sweet kisses against your cheek.

“We don’t have the numbers,” you point out bleakly. “We don’t have the ammunition. We don’t have the time to make a solid plan, or to prepare any extra defenses, or—”

Piotr hugs you tight. He kisses the top of your head. His hand strokes up and down your arm in an attempt to soothe you.

You grip his other hand, holding him close to you. You focus on how warm and solid he is. How wonderful he is and how lovely your life is with him. “I love you, Piotr.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and cry some more.

***

The call comes in at five thirty in the morning.

“Stark’s brought around the other Avengers and Wakanda,” Nathan says, sounding far more alert than you ever will at this godforsaken hour. “We’re lifting off at seven.”

“Roger that,” you manage while Piotr turns on the bedside lamp and blinks the sleep out of his eyes. “We’ll be ready.” You set down your phone when the call ends, then groan and drop your head into your pillow. Why can’t the end of the world ever happen in the afternoon?

***

The Blackbird jets are loaded to maximum capacity. Aside from carrying the X-Men and the X-Force exclusive members, you’re also ferrying the Hell’s Kitchen vigilantes, Piotr’s family and Allison, your uncle and his team, and the younger children and their parents to Wakanda for safe-keeping (your uncle’s reasoning was that an enemy of the institute might notice the sudden lack of protection and decide to attack the younger, more vulnerable students and their families for vengeance, so it was better to be safe than sorry).

You keep close to Piotr or to the cockpit, but there’s still no avoiding the tense, cramped feeling.

You’re not the only “birds” in the sky, either. It’s practically a whole convoy, flying out to Wakanda in what might’ve been a formation if Wade didn’t occasionally grab the control and try to do a “barrel roll.” Magneto and his forces are flying in their own airship, while the Avengers are leading their pack in Tony’s custom, “cutting edge of technology” jets.

You watch the small fleet of jets that belong to the Avengers, lips pursed into a tight line. Your gaze darts over to the navigation board every few seconds, tracking your miniscule progress across the Atlantic Ocean towards Wakanda.

There’s a heavy sigh behind you, and then an even heavier pair of arms settle around your shoulders. “Myshka. You should rest.”

You “hmm” softly to let Piotr know you heard him, but you don’t step away from the cockpit door.

He kisses the top of head and starts gently rubbing your neck with his thumbs. “Will be several hours before arrival, dorogoy. There is nothing you can do until then.”

“It feels like wasting time,” you murmur back –because, naturally, Piotr’s seen to the heart of the issue already. “We’ve got so much to do.”

“And we can do nothing until we arrive in Wakanda.” Piotr kisses your temple, then gently nudges you away from the cockpit. “Come sit with me, lyublyu. You will need full energy when we land.”

And that, above all else, is the only reason you let Piotr usher you over to the nearest seat.

You crawl into his lap once he sits, curling up in his arms. You lay your head on his shoulder and let his warmth combined with the gentle thrum of the jet’s sonic engines lull you to sleep.

***

Wakanda is simultaneously everything and nothing like what you expected.

There’s a force shield that surrounds the inner part of the country that gives way as the convoy of ships pass through it. It almost seems to shimmer out of view before revealing an elegant, shining palace and curved, glimmering towers that comprise the larger part of the city. Lush jungle and towering, ice-capped mountains border the city, split by a winding river and rushing waterfalls.

It almost looks too beautiful to be real.

The awe-inducing visuals and technology don’t stop as the convoy flies out to a glittering, black glass structure that, on the navigation board, is labeled as the lab of Princess Shuri. The convoy swoops around to a massive hangar at the base of the building, landing just inside on the polished stone and metal floor.

Waiting for all of you in the hangar is King T’Challa Udaku; he’s wearing a black robe embroidered with silver thread and a vibrant kente scarf, and generally looks every bit as poised and unflappable as he did in the UN interviews. He’s flanked by his Dora Milaje soldiers –who are undeniably badass with their armor and spears, and you catch Ellie, Yukio, and Kitty all staring at the women in awe—and his partner, Nakia, and his sister, Princess Shuri.

Tony and Professor Xavier handle the introductions with the King, which lets you stretch and take in the hangar and throngs of superheroes. You recognize a few of them –Captain America aka Steve Rogers, Ant-Man aka Scott Lang and his entourage --including a man with dark hair styled like Elvis that you recall seeing in some sort of news interview a while back and a young woman with curly brown hair and warm eyes that’s holding his hand-- and War Hero ,aka James Rhodes, aka Tony’s best friend and “work wife”—but some of the entourage members are new to you.

You take a moment to stretch out your back –sleeping in Piotr’s lap isn’t the worst quality rest you’ve ever had, but given the configurations of the jet seats it was a little cramped—and admire the glimmering, inlaid lights on the hangar ceiling. Swanky.

“We have space prepared for the upcoming preparations and hosting all of you,” T’Challa says, voice cutting through the din of the crowd with ease. “If you would all follow Princess Shuri, please.”

Shuri smiles, then motions for everyone to follow her out of the hangar.

Half of the Dora Milaje break away from the formation, keeping a protective line between the princess and everyone else.

You fall into stride alongside your husband, well-practiced by now at matching your steps to his long stride.

***

The “prepared space” winds up being three massive rooms, each with smaller rooms sectioned around the main spaces, a kitchen-slash-rec area that joins the three massive rooms in the center, and three large, communal style bathrooms with multiple stalls for toilets and showers. The main rooms have several long, workstation style tables at them, with some beds stationed at the fringes, and the smaller rooms function only as bedrooms, mostly for the families with kids and the handful of couples present.

“This interface,” Princess Shuri says as she taps on a small disk embedded into the wall, “will let you contact security and staff if you have questions or need to speak with someone. There’s one in each room, for easy access. It will begin glowing and beeping if someone’s trying to send a call to you; you answer by pressing the base,” she explains, demonstrating on the disk.

“We’re expecting another group of people,” Tony pipes up. “Strange is collecting some of our allies from the South Eastern Quadrant. They should be here in the next sixteen hours, give or take.”

Shuri nods. “We’ll contact you when they arrive.” She offers the group a magnanimous nod and smile, then strides out the hall you all entered through, flanked by the Dora Milaje soldiers.

For a moment, no one moves. You all stand around, hesitating as you all try to take in the new scenery and space.

Alex moves first. She sighs, then grabs her duffel and strides towards the nearest workroom. “No point in waiting.”

Her initiative seems to jolt everyone else out of their daze. Everyone sections off, largely sticking with the groups of their original affiliation.

You amble alongside Piotr, peering around the workroom as you try to decide where to set your pack. Here goes nothing.

***

We’re staring down the apocalypse, you muse as you watch everyone set up shop, and it’s all coming down to sewing machines.

It’d come as a shock when Alexandra had lugged the sleek, white machine out of its carrying case. She’d set it on one of the tables, then lifted bolts of thick, rugged Kevlar out of one of her duffels next. Thread, scissors, measuring tape, and gridded cutting boards follow the Kevlar—

And then the sewing machine jammed as soon as Alex turned it on.

“Ty meshok der'ma,” Alex mutters under her breath as she fiddles with the internal mechanisms of the sewing machine. She glares at the gears, grumbling and swearing while she prods at them with a pair of tweezers. “Kakogo khrena tvoya problema?”

The situation seems mundane in its inanity.

The end of the damn world, and we’re being thwarted by twenty pounds of plastic and metal.

“Day mne poprobovat'.” Nikolai crouches down next to his wife. He adjusts the reading glasses perched on his nose, then aims a small flashlight at the interior of the machine. He murmurs and tuts in Russian while prodding at the machine –and then he makes a soft noise of exclamation. “Broken needle. Pryamo tam.”

“Sukin syn.” Alex uses her telekinesis to draw out the metal shard, then lets out an exasperated sigh and spreads her arms when the machine finally makes the proper start up noises. “Thank you.”

“Be nice,” Nikolai chides her with a teasing grin. “Is uncomfortable, having metal stuck in organs. You would not want to work either.”

“I’ve had metal in my organs,” Alex grumbles as she gets her sewing machine configured. “I still managed.” She smirks when Nikolai laughs, then kisses her husband’s cheek before motioning for you to approach. “Come here, ptitsa. I want to reinforce your suit; I need your measurements.”

You round the table, shucking off your sweatshirt so Alex can measure your torso. “Is there anything I need to do?”

“Just hold still, malenkiy,” Alex murmurs as she runs her tape measure around your waist.

“I make no promises,” you joke.

Alex snorts, then moves her measuring tape up to your ribcage.

***

The waiting is, somehow, worse now.

At least on the plan there was a promise of a destination. A sense of the temporary, that you’d be up and moving and doing again within a few hours.

Unfortunately, reality is so often different from how you envision it, just as it is now. Because the reality of the situation is that there are only a limited number of people capable of helping. Nate and Tony are working with the Princess to configure weapons to fight Thanos’s forces, Hank and the healers are preparing a makeshift medical bay, Frank, Wade, Mikhail, and Neena are cleaning and checking guns, Alex, Piotr and Nikolai are taking turns working on fabricating armor for those who need it—

Leaving you with nothing to do. Aside from keeping those who are working well fed and hydrated and managing the kids, all you can do is sit and watch while everyone else prepares.

It’s agony. Your chest aches from stress, and your stomach’s churning so much you can barely choke food down at mealtimes. I need to help more. I need to do something, dammit.

It’s like being in line for random execution and having no idea whether you’re going to be shot or not.

You stay close to Piotr. You run food and snacks and drinks for anyone who needs it. You help manage the kids when the need arises –but since most of their parents are here, the incidents are far and few between.

You sit. And you wait.

It’s all you can do.

***

“Absolutely not.”

“You need to be reasonable.”

“I am. It’s perfectly reasonable to keep a fourteen-year-old off a fucking battlefield!”

Alex sighs. She leans back in her seat and raises an eyebrow at her eldest daughter. “Normally I would agree, but I don’t think you’ll have much say in the matter. Your ability to control her is notably lacking.”

Artemis huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. “You try reining in a teenager who’s realized there’s no consequences to her actions.”

“I’m not judging, merely observing,” Alex assures her daughter. “But, at any rate, it’s not unreasonable to predict that she’ll join the fray at some point. Body armor is a necessity.”

“It’s an invitation! She’ll take it as permission!”

“Artemis?” Allison sticks her head into the room, then strides over to her mentor-slash-surrogate mother. “Is everything okay? Who’s getting permission to do what?”

“No one is,” Artemis grumbles, even as she holds her arm out so the teen can lean against her side. “Especially not you.”

Allison lets out a disgusted sigh and rolls her eyes. “I already told you—”

“You’re not fighting.”

“I can handle myself!” Allison snaps. She jerks away from Tatianna, scowling. “You’re treating me like a baby!”

“Compared to me, you are a baby,” the older woman points out drily.

“It’s not your burden to bear,” Alex interjects, fixing the testy teen with an even –though not harsh—stare. “Teenagers shouldn’t have to fight for the future of the world. That’s for adults to handle.”

“No one gets to decide,” Allison grits out, “what my burdens are. And this isn’t about ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t.’”

The corner of Alex’s mouth twitches. She looks up at Artemis, brows raised.

Artemis sighs. She tips her head back, staring up at the ceiling, then looks down at Allison. “You need body armor to keep you safe. That does not mean, however, that you’ll be joining us in the fight against Thanos.”

Allison sweeps her tongue along the inside of her cheek. She crosses her arms and cocks her head to the side. “Pretty sure you don’t get to decide that.”

“Pretty sure you should listen to me,” Artemis fires back, “since I have more experience and am telling you that it’s too much for you to handle.” She lets out an exasperated breath when Allison rolls her eyes, then waves her hand dismissively as if to say ‘I tried.’ “Get her set up.”

Alex nods, then waves Allison over. “Alright, malenkiy. Let’s get you sorted.”

***

“Are you asleep?”

“Nyet.” Piotr rolls over, drapes an arm over you, and kisses your forehead. “I would ask you the same, but…”

You manage a small chuckle. “Pretty obvious answer, yeah.”

The two of you are in one of the private rooms –if only because (aside from your status as married) it has a bed big enough to accommodate Piotr. There’s a small window that overlooks a cavern beneath the lab. Dim, blue light seeps through the glass pane, but it’s not enough to properly illuminate the room.

Piotr’s fingers skim over your upper arm. “Why are you not sleeping, myshka?”

“Can’t,” you admit, voice wavering. You take a deep breath through your nose and try to calm yourself. “I just… I can’t handle not doing anything. It gives me too much time to think about what might happen.”

Piotr croons gently, drawing you in closer so he can tuck you against his chest. He cradles your head with one massive head. “Dorogoy. You know such things are not good for you.”

“Yeah, I know,” you grumble, eyes stinging with unshed tears. “Doesn’t mean that knowledge stops my brain any.”

“Ya znayu,” Piotr murmurs as he kisses your temple. “But everything is going to be alright, myshka.”

“Except it really might not be,” you argue, voice shaking. You grip the material of his shirt, as though he might be wrenched away from you at any moment and whisked away into the wind. “It really might not, Piotr.”

Your husband doesn’t say anything in response to that. He merely holds you closer still and strokes his fingers through your hair.

You press your forehead against his chest and start weeping quietly.

***

The second day is much like the first –a slow, agonizing crawl punctuated by overwhelming anxiety and exhaustion.

You linger at the table where Nate, Tony, and Ellie are modifying guns, handing the three various tools and materials when they ask for it. You watch their progress numbly, brain devoid of anything other than wordless worry.

At least, you watch until Nate texts Piotr to come get you.

“Davay, myshka,” your husband coaxes as he lifts you off your stool. He grunts slightly as he shifts you into a bridal-style hold, then carries you away from the table and out of the room. “Let’s have lunch.”

“But—”

“Is important to stay fed and hydrated.”

“—I was helping.” You peer past Piotr’s arm –then sigh when Nathan gives you a sympathetic, concerned smile and waves you along. “Baby—”

“Just for little bit.” Piotr sets you down when you ask, but he keeps a hand on your shoulder, just in case. “Is not good to sit and stew in anxiety.”

You drop your gaze to the floor. “You can’t prove anything.”

Piotr lifts his hand from your shoulder and cradles your cheek. He strokes his thumb against your skin, waiting until you look up at him before speaking again. “Come have lunch with me, moya lyubov’,” he says with an adoring smile (which you’re certain is a deliberate, tactical move on his part to make sure you don’t try and argue, and dammit if it isn’t working). “I would enjoy your company.”

You scuff the toe of your sneaker against the floor, but ultimately acquiesce. “Alright. I guess I should take a break.”

***

The snooping starts after lunch, while Alex is chewing Frank out for spray-painting his bullet proof vest.

“What, are you looking to ruin perfectly good Kevlar?” Alex gripes as she tosses Frank’s “Punisher” vest aside. “You want to break down the material? Get shot out like some schmuck because you decided to be an artist?”

“It’s strategic,” Frank argues with a good-natured, crooked grin. “Keeps my enemies’ line of sight trained on where I have the most protection.”

Alex nods and makes a sarcastic noise of assent. “‘Strategic.’ Is that what it is? Ya ne mogu v eto poverit'. V moye vremya my nazyvali strategiyu pobedoy, a ne stavili svoyu grebanuyu vizitnuyu kartochku na kazhdoye sovershennoye nami proklyatoye ubiystvo. Get your ass over here, drama boy.” She scoffs and starts measuring Frank’s chest and shoulders. “‘Strategiya,’” she scoffs. “What a load of horse shit.”

“Akh akh,” Nikolai tuts as he walks into the room with a plate of food and glass of water. “What is happening here?”

“I’m pretty sure I upset the apple cart, sir,” Frank says, unabashed.

Nikolai chuckles while Alexandra brings up to speed, ranting in irritated Russian. He sets the plate and glass on the table next to his wife, kisses her head, then ambles back out to the kitchen—

And that’s when you notice it. Or, rather, her.

Natasha Romanoff, aka the Black Widow. Renowned spy, assassin, weapons and espionage expert, and former member of the Avengers if the debacle surrounding the Sokovia Accords is to be believed.

She’s sitting at the kitchen counter on barstool, tapping away at her phone –which isn’t inherently suspicious, but her line of sight lets her look directly into the room you’re all situated in and—

She’s watching Alex.

At first you think she might be watching Frank (which, fair enough, having a mass murderer, somewhat unstable vigilante around is a reasonable cause for caution). But when Frank gets up and walks out (probably to go find Karen), Natasha doesn’t even move. Her gaze –when she’s not looking at her phone—stays fixed on Alexandra while she works at her sewing machine.

For once, you’re grateful Piotr is as large as he is; he makes a great hiding spot to do countersurveillance from.

Natasha approaches slowly, but deliberately. She talks to someone on her phone –whether she’s faking or not doesn’t matter to you, because she still uses it to get off the barstool and amble around while she’s talking. Then, she has a conversation with Captain Rogers, which she uses to get a few feet closer to the doorway.

At some point, you’re not certain if she realizes you’re watching her, only because she gives up the pretense of trying to hide her snooping entirely. She leans against the doorframe, watching Alex intently while she marks, pins, and cuts out fabric.

It’s Illyana who has enough of the whole thing first. Three minutes into Natasha standing in the door way, the blonde sighs, sets her phone down on the work table, and glares up at the red head. “Kakogo khrena ty khochesh?”

Natasha purses her lips slightly. She acknowledges Illyana with a brief glance, then turns her focus back to Alex. “Alexandra.”

“Natalia,” Alex says by way of greeting, not even bothering to look up from her work. “Are you here to help, or are you here to waste my time?”

She grimaces, but recovers and smiles politely. “It’s been a long time.”

“So, you’re here to waste my time,” Alex surmises as she pins a pattern to a piece of heavy black Kevlar.

Natasha swallows reflexively, then turns on her heel and walks away.

***

Half an hour later, it’s Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes’s turn.

The two supersoldiers are far less covert than Agent Romanoff. They stand in the middle of the rec room, a few feet away from the door, and don’t make any attempt to hide their conversation or the fact that they’re watching Alex (and, to some extent, her children and Nikolai as well).

Illyana says something to her mother a few times, but Alex waves her off –and, in general, seems unbothered. “U nas yest' rabota, snezhinka. U nas yest' rabota.”

“Did you know him?” you ask, later, when the Rasputin kids are out of the room. “The Winter Soldier?”

You’ve heard enough through the grapevine to know about the basics of the man’s story –captured by Hydra, experimentation, brainwashing, being coerced into murdering.

(It all sounds chillingly familiar.)

“We crossed paths,” Alex admits with a shrug. She slides a piece of ceramic armor plating inside a Kevlar pouch, then starts sewing the pouch shut. “Overlap was common back in the day.”

“Do you think he remembers you?” you murmur, glancing out at the kitchen (fortunately, Rogers and Barnes are gone for now).

Alex pauses. She purses her lips, then shrugs and resumes working. “I don’t know. He went through a lot with the forced mind wipes. There’s really no way of knowing.”

“Are you going to be in trouble if he does remember you?”

Alex huffs and favors you with a gentle smile. “I’ve gotten out of worse, ptitsa. Don’t worry so much.”

You say that like it’s easy, you think while the knot in your stomach coils tighter.

***

There’s a brief reprieve around dinner. You even manage to relax a little, smiling and chuckling as Piotr and Mikhail bicker and generally irritate each other as much as humanly possible.

Work starts up once more as soon as everyone’s done eating. You nestle yourself against Piotr’s side, relaxed via the virtue of being too tired to be stressed—

And then Tony Stark walks in.

Or perhaps “walk” isn’t the right term. He moves with an air of grandeur and utter self-assurance –which, even with your limited exposure to Tony Stark, you can tell is a “brand standard” for him. He tosses an apple up and down in one hand as he breezes along, expression blasé to the point of looking disinterested as he strides up to the table where Alexandra works.

If it weren’t for Natasha, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes scoping out the Rasputin matriarch earlier, you would’ve pegged Stark’s visit as entirely coincidental.

“What’s your deal?” Tony asks, leaning against the table next to where Alex is stationed at her sewing machine.

No pretense. No niceties. No attempt at subtlety.

Alex’s lips quirk into an annoyed grimace. She looks up and over the top of her machine for a moment, staring at Nikolai (likely trying to find any scrap of his infinite patience for herself), then lowers her gaze once more and says, “Usually, it’s not answering vague, pointless questions asked by nosey individuals.”

“You’ve got half my team twisted up just by being here,” Tony continues, unruffled. “I’ve seen Romanoff stare down the Hulk on a rampage without flinching. What about you is so special that you make her nervous?”

“Interesting,” Alex comments, almost to herself. “And here I thought, after the Berlin incident, your ‘team’ was largely disbanded. Something about ‘not agreeing with your leadership.’”

Tony’s face twitches, mouth briefly stretching into a pained grimace before he smooths it back out. “You don’t exist.”

“Everyone’s concept of self is different,” Alex mutters as she rips out a crooked seam on an armor pouch.

“There’s no record of your birth. Or your parents, for that matter. Your marriage license has no given maiden name. No history of education, doctor’s visits, driver’s license –nothing until you turned twenty-four.” He takes a bite of his apple, swallows, then says, “People don’t just ‘poof’ into existence as full grown adults. It doesn’t happen.”

“Perhaps,” Alex retorts as she resews the faulty seam, “you are just not very good at finding things.”

“I can find anything.”

“Except, it would seem, a way to keep from trying my patience.”

Tony watches her for a moment longer –then, when she doesn’t say anything, he turns and starts striding out of the room. “I’m going to figure out what’s up with you. There aren’t any secrets that can hide from my A.I.”

Alex doesn’t dignify his departure with a response –but her eyelid twitches as she continues her sewing.

You look up at Piotr, only to find he’s watching Nikolai. You look over at the Rasputin patriarch, and your heart sinks when you see the worried expression on his face.

Nick sighs, then stands and rounds the table. He ambles up behind his wife, drapes his arms around her shoulders, and kisses the top of her head before he starts murmuring to her in quiet, loving Russian.

You lean against Piotr’s side, giving him a reassuring squeeze even though the only thing you feel is disquieted. You force yourself to take a deep breath and relax your jaw as fear starts crawling up your spine once more. One thing at a time. One thing at a time, that’s all you can do.

Except, it seems, when everything decides to happen at once.

***

Meeting the Norse god of thunder is… intense.

Though, that may have to do with the entourage of people he brings with him.

Around three in the morning, Dr. Strange shows up with the remaining allies –Thor, god of thunder, and his brother Loki, god of magic, Bruce Banner aka the Hulk, a woman by the name of Carol, and a group that calls themselves the “Guardians of the Galaxy” (which happens to include a talking raccoon and a sentient tree).

“Just when you thought, like, it couldn’t get weirder,” Kitty mutters to you as she stares at the newest arrivals.

You nod. Granted, your usual metric for all things weird is Wade, who has basically explored every avenue of zany, bizarre, and disturbing—

But yeah, this is pretty fucking weird.

“Where do we stand in preparations for the arrival of Thanos?” Thor asks Tony.

“We’ve got most of the busywork done,” Tony says, outlining the weapons upgrades and the armor work that’s been done. “We waited for major planning until we had everyone here and better intel.”

Thor nods, then gestures to two women standing with the “Guardians of the Galaxy,” one with green skin and dark hair and the other with blue skin and cybernetic enhancements. “This is Gamora and Nebula, daughters of Thanos. They’ll be able to provide information on the strength and size of his forces.”

“Good,” Steve pipes up from where he’s standing with Sam Wilson and Sergeant Barnes. “The sooner we have a plan, the better.”

“It can wait until we’ve slept,” Alex decides, voice crisp. “We won’t come up with anything good while we’re fried.”

Tony blinks, then scowls. “Thanos could be here as soon as this coming morning.”

“Then we’ll be doubly fucked if we’ve stayed up all night trying to scrape together a plan,” Alex replies, unmoved. She crosses her arms when Tony glares at her. “The younger and less experienced of us need rest if this is going to work.”

“I’m with the lady,” Quill pipes up, brushing past Tony. He gives Stark a smile that, if you had to wager, is supposed to be charming but just comes off as arrogant. “I think you’ll find that we… don’t really roll with plans. It’s not our style.”

Alex stares at Quill for a moment, expression vastly unimpressed. She sighs, blinks slowly, shakes her head, then turns on her heel and strides back to the room she’s been sharing with Nick. “Absolutely not. I’m going back to bed.”

As if waiting for a cue, everyone else disperses, muttering about being tired and “needing an IV drip of espresso.”

You shuffle off with Piotr, hand in hand, shivering slightly from nerves. Please just let this go well.

***

“Both the Chitauri and the Klyntaar forces number into the tens of thousands. The Chitauri have sentient airships capable of carrying infantry forces while wreaking their own havoc, in addition to chariots that can carry up to five marksmen at a time. He also has tanks the size of this building that can demolish anything in their path.”

Everyone is gathered in one of the main work rooms. A majority of the people present hang back at the fringes, content to watch while Tony, Captain Rogers, King T’Challa, Alexandra, your uncle, Thor, Quill, and Natasha hash out a strategy.

“He’s trying to overwhelm us with sheer numbers,” Steve says in response to Gamora’s information.

“It might work,” Natasha murmurs, gaze focused on the worktable in front of her. “We don’t have near enough firepower to chip away at that many grunts.”

“Not if we play our cards right,” Alex says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“There’s also our siblings,” Gamora adds with a pained grimace.

Off to the side, Nebula scoffs. “They’re hardly family.”

“Thanos collected beings throughout the galaxy to serve him,” Gamora explains. “To act as his eyes and ears and eliminate his foes. Aside from Nebula and I, he has four other ‘children.’ They’ll be acting as his generals and commanders in the fight –and helping him track down and capture the final infinity stones.”

Tension ripples through the room.

“What do we know about these Infinity Stones?” Alex asks after a moment of fraught silence.

“The stones were originally created by the Celestials,” Loki pipes up from where he’s leaning against a wall. “Their magical properties are tied to aspects of the universe –time, space, reality, and so on. Only beings of immense power can wield them without severe consequences.”

“Thanos has the gauntlet that accompanies the stones,” Thor adds. “With it, once he assembles all six stones, he’ll be able to use them simultaneously.”

“He wants to wipe out half of all life on Earth,” Gamora says, voice wavering slightly. “That’s been his single goal ever since I’ve known him.”

“All men want to be gods,” your uncle jokes half-heartedly.

“Can the stones be broken?” Alex asks.

Loki chuckles, incredulous. “These are magical tools created by the most powerful beings ever known to the galaxy… and you want to break them?”

She shrugs. “Best not to overlook the simplest solution.”

“I’m taking that as a ‘no,’” Steve interjects. “So, if we can’t destroy them, how do we fight them?”

“The only thing powerful enough to combat the effects of the Infinity Stones are the Infinity Stones,” Loki answers.

“And we only have two,” Natasha surmises, expression drawn and grim.

“Three.”

Everyone looks up and turns when Illyana speaks.

She smirks, tilting her chin up when Natasha meets her gaze. “We have three Infinity Stones.”

“Vision has the mind stone, and Dr. Strange has the time stone,” Kronos argues, shaking his head. “The soul stone is still missing.”

Illyana’s smirk broadens. She lifts her hand, curling it as if she was holding something.

A sword materializes in her hand –and in the center of the sword, small but unmistakable, is a glowing orange gem.

Your uncle’s eyes widen. “Holy shit.”

“Three,” Illyana repeats, looking supremely confident and self-satisfied. “Unless there is elusive seventh stone?”

Loki smiles ruefully, shaking his head. “The Goddess of Limbo pulls through. Well done.”

“Okay, but Vision’s stone is in his head and Strange has his stone in a necklace around his neck,” Tony interjects, gesturing to each person in turn.

“Amulet,” Dr. Strange mutters under his breath.

“Your stone disappears if you’re not holding it,” Tony continues, pointing to the sword as Illyana dematerializes it once more. “What’s stopping Thanos from finding it and taking it?”

“I am only person who can use Soul Sword,” Illyana says, arching her eyebrows. “It is bound to me until the next in my line is ready to take my place.”

“My family has been bound to Limbo’s magicks for generations,” Nikolai clarifies when Tony starts sputtering. “Illyana is the keeper of the sword, which means only she can call upon it. Thanos would need our blood to have access to it.”

Tony grimaces. “Still risky.”

“Better than nothing,” your uncle fires back.

“We have a shot of taking down Thanos with the other three Infinity Stones in our camp,” Steve says, planting his hands against the worktable's surface. “Without them, we’re as good as sunk.”

“Well then,” Alex says, smirking. “Let’s make sure we don’t waste our opportunity.”

***

“For the love of god, stop talking.”

“I’m just saying,” Quill starts, spreading his hands in a defensive gesture.

“You’re not saying shit!” Alex snaps, lifting her head from her hands to glare at him. “You’re just wasting our time!”

Once the planning started, a large portion of the crowd dispersed to help wrap up the last of the weapons modification. The leaders from each faction stayed behind –Tony, T’Challa, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Peter Quill, Xavier, your uncle, Alexandra, and Erik—to plan, along with Gamora, Nebula, and Loki so they could offer up information on Thanos, his forces, and the Infinity Stones.

You’d also hung back, since you didn’t have the skills necessary to do the weapons modification. If all I can do is sit around like a nervous lump, may as well do it where I won’t be in the way.

“This plan just isn’t our style,” Quill argues, either immune or completely ignorant to the exasperated sighs and death glares the others are giving him. “We like to take things looser, add a little pizazz.”

“How many times did your parents drop you as a baby?” your uncle asks, staring Quill down. “No, I’m serious,” he adds when Quill glares back at him and opens his mouth to argue. “I’m genuinely at a loss for how you can be this fucking dense.”

“We’re up against overwhelming numbers and powers no one here has ever seen, let alone fought against,” Natasha adds. “We need to allocate our resources carefully if we want even a chance at victory. The three wave strategy is our best chance.”

“Okay,” Quill says, pressing his hands together. “I think we just all need to relax—”

“You’ll be pretty fucking relaxed when I gut you,” Alex grumbles as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Look, the way I see it, Thanos can’t take us all at once!” Quill reasons. “If we hit him with everything we have—”

“We have to survive his armies, too,” Tony adds, words clipped. “Or there won’t be any of us for Thanos to be hit by.”

“No.” Alex glares at Quill when he keeps trying to argue, startling him into silence. “Look at them.” She points at Gamora and Nebula. “These are your friends, da? Your teammates and companions, da? This is their abuser we’re facing. If we lose, what do you think happens to them? Do you think someone that wants to destroy half of all life will have mercy for them? Hm? If you care about them, you pick the plan that has the best shot of ensuring their safety. Got it?”

Quill swallows reflexively. He stares down at the holographic display of the future battlefield, jaw working. He exhales through his nose, slow and stuttered, then nods. “Alright. We… we do the three wave strategy.”

“So glad we can agree,” Alex says, turning her attention back to the battlefield schematic. “Now, we were discussing where to put our snipers…”

***

“—I need both their arms. Trust me, it’s the only way this is gonna work.”

“Look, I’m normally all for a little dismemberment, but I don’t think forming our own amputee league is gonna net us a win here.”

You shake your head as Wade banters back and forth with the talking racoon –whose name is Rocket, apparently—then look over at Nathan. “How long have they been at this?”

“Going on three hours now,” Nate replies. A soft, endeared smile flits across his face when he looks at Wade, but his expression sobers when he resumes his soldering job. “How’s the final plan looking?”

“Everyone but Quill was leaning towards a three-wave tactic.”

Nathan grunts. “Yeah, he seems like a jackass.”

“Alex threatened to gut him.”

“Hey!” Wade shouts, sounding genuinely wounded. “No disemboweling without me!”

“Quill wanted to do an ‘all for one’ attack directly on Thanos.” You sit down next to your dad, studying his face while he works. “You’ve actually fought against these people before. Do… do you think dividing our forces up will actually work?”

“The issue is the land and air forces,” Nathan says, shaking his head. He attaches a power unit to the base of a rifle, then starts welding the compartment shut. “This time doesn’t have the necessary shielding to repel the Chitauri and Klyntaar forces for that long. We’ll have to fight the grunts; holding some of our people back to make sure we have someone to take on Thanos is our best bet.”

“That doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll win, though,” you point out.

He offers you a melancholy half-smile. “That’s war, kid.”

Your heart sinks further. “Do we even have a chance?”

“Statistics says we do,” Nathan says he strips a piece of wire before threading it into the gun.

“That’s not what I asked.”

Nathan sighs. He looks at you for a long moment, then says, “I think we have the best shot possible with what we have right here, right now.”

You gulp, then nod. It’s still not technically an answer to your question –let alone a positive one—but…

You’ve learned that, sometimes, it better not to dig at these sorts of questions at all.

***

“We’re dividing our forces into thirds.”

You’re all crammed into the rec room post dinner. In the center of the room, by the counter, Tony, Steve, Natasha, and Alex are addressing the crowd in turns.

“The first wave will consist of high stamina fighters and snipers,” Steve says. “There’s a shield system that extends several hundred kilometers around the lab’s perimeter. Wakandan soldiers will join the line of snipers who will pick off any of Thanos’s forces that make it through the shields.”

“We’ll also have any fighters with enhanced stamina on standby, in case there’s a larger breach,” Alex adds. “Their job will be to protect the sniper line from being overrun by the enemy forces.”

“The second wave will be air support,” Tony continues. “Myself, Rhodey, Wilson, and any flying mutants will head out when the Chitauri airships come in. Princess Shuri has a fleet of attack drones at the ready, which can be manned from headquarters in the lab. HQ will have a complete look at the battlefield; all intel will be coming from them during the fight.”

“Third wave is everyone else, save for Illyana, Dr. Strange, and Vision,” Natasha says. “We’ll join the fray when the second wave of Thanos’s forces arrive. The final three” –she nods to Illyana, Dr. Strange, and Vision in turn—“will wait in central headquarters until Thanos arrives, to prevent early capture of the remaining Infinity Stones.”

“In the meantime,” Tony says, “we’re going overtime on modifying rifles to be sonic weapons. They’re more effective against the Klyntar forces than regular firearms. All hands on deck. If you can’t solder, you can run supplies back and forth and help perform diagnostic tests at the firing range. Clear?”

Everyone nods, then breaks off to start working on constructing and testing more “awesome guns.”

You slid your fingers between Piotr’s. Your heart’s in your throat, racing a mile a minute. Your mouth feels dry.

If you were the religious type, you’d start praying. As it is, you make a plea with the universe on the off chance it decides to listen to you –for once.

Please. Please just let this work.

***

“So… about the three-wave plan—”

Tony slams down the compartment piece he’d been working on against the table. He glares at Quill, face strained with barely constrained rage and impatience. “What the fuck is your deal?”

“It’s just not sitting well with me,” Quill continues, leaning against the table. “I’m more of a ‘solo moment’ style person. More of a lone wolf.”

You gape at him. “You… you work with a team of five!”

“I just think that there needs to be a more focused confrontation with Thanos. Y’know, for someone to challenge him, man to man—”

“Some get this idiot out of my face,” Tony snaps, looking around for anyone that might be willing to assist –or, at the very least, drag Quill out of the room by his jacket collar.

“You’re not listening to me!”

“You’re wasting my time!”

“Why does every problem come back to you?” Alex stalks into the work room, eyes glowing a dull shade of copper as irritation takes hold in her. She strides over to Quill, looking like a menace in black leather and Kevlar. “How much more of a nuisance can you possibly make yourself?”

“I’m just pointing out some flaws in the strategy!” Quill argues, holding up his hands in a defensive gesture. “I’m being the devil’s advocate!”

“You’re pointing out dick,” Agent Barton, alias Hawkeye, points out from the side (where he’s modifying some of his arrows to release sonic pulses).

“Look,” Quill presses on, ignoring Clint’s comment. “We need to make sure this thing is airtight—”

“We don’t have time for ‘airtight,’” Nathan growls, cybernetic eye flaring. “The goal is to survive, not to create perfection.”

“I really just think—”

Alex scowls –and then her hand snaps out and closes around Quill’s neck. She slams him against the edge of the table, sneering down at him while he coughs and claws –futilely—against her iron grip. “You’re past the point of being a nuisance. You’re a fucking liability.”

Quill wheezes, face slowly turning red.

“If I was paid every time a man like you told me how to do my job…” Her voice trails off, and she lets out a sardonic chuckle. “Let me make something clear to you, Peter Quill.” Her hand tightens around his neck, which makes some ominous creaking noises as she presses against layers of tissue, cartilage, and bone. “I am not about to have an asshole like you risk the lives of my children, the people who are putting their own lives on the line to protect the world, or the future of the damn universe. If you’re going to keep being a jackass about this…” She smirks. “I’ll kill you. I’ll do it right here, right now. I am not going to have a hazard like you on my team or on that battlefield.” She grins nastily, leaning in closer as Quill’s eyes bug out. “Best thing is, no one really knows you’re here. No tracks to cover, no family to pay off, no authorities to worry about. You’d be an unfortunate casualty in war. No one would fucking miss you.”

A chill runs down your spine. You gulp, stomach twisting as you look from Alex, to Quill, to Alex again. Is anyone going to stop her...

“I really don’t know how to make this any fucking clearer, but since you’ve proven to be thick-headed, I’ll summarize: you stray from the plan in any way, and you’re dead. Got it?”

Quill nods hastily. He gasps when Alex releases him, collapsing to the floor. He hacks and coughs, one hand rubbing at his throat while his skin slowly fades away from an angry magenta color.

“So glad we understand one another.” Alex smirks, then turns on her heel and strides out of the work room like nothing even happened.

You purse your lips, trembling while everyone goes back to work like nothing even happened. You try to focus on sorting pieces into containers for the fabricators to grab from, but with your shaking hands it’s near impossible. You duck your head, gritting your teeth together as your stomach churns angrily. I just want this all to be over.

***

The call comes in a couple hours later.

“We’ve got temporal disturbances outside the shield perimeter,” Kronos shouts while alarms blare overhead. “Thanos’s forces have arrived and are attempting to break through to our location.”

Your stomach drops as everyone starts scrambling. You grab your flight jacket and goggles, throwing them on haphazardly. You start running towards the hangar –then stop and switch directions. “Piotr!”

He pauses when he hears your voice, turning and catching you as you leap into his arms. He kisses you briefly –desperately—then pulls back and cups your face in his hands. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You give him a quick hug, then pull away and start sprinting towards the hanger where the rest of the air support is gathering. Tears sting your eyes, but you wipe them away and force down your fear and preemptive grief. Focus. You have to focus.

It’s time.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #nathan summers x wade wilson #alexandra rasputin x nikolai rasputin #kitty pryde x illyana rasputin #aka my 'fuck you' to the russo bros #get ready for some big canon divergence #i am literally just doing whatever the fuck i want #deadpool fanfiction #x men fanfiction

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asknightmareanderror · 5 years ago

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Doomsday, Genesis, Holo - Reference + Info Sheet

I know it’s messy, I’ll never get used to doing these haha

Will definitely be doing these in any free time I have (I seem to pile art on myself for no reason :3) for the other kids, the blasters and possibly the parents and my own persona/self (Thun).

(Please, don’t steal/repost, copy or trace it, or anyone else’s art, for that matter.

If you ever want to use it for any fanart, do use it to help. Just be sure to credit @asknightmareanderror or @thunfire0605 for the kiddos, and so it doesn’t get lost and that I can see it!)

Let’s get this started :) Info Sheet down here \/

Doomsday:

Oldest kid/first born (Originally supposed to be an only kid).

Three months (in the story), sixteen (in the ask-void) and seventeen (in real life, if that makes sense XD).

Born May 6th.

Nickname: Doom.

The name is literal; when he has any high amount of negative emotions, universes, planets, and anything else close by will be destroyed. Whether that be an armageddon event or simply blowing up random objects.

When he has any high amount of positive emotions, however, flowers tend to bloom around him, even if the floor isn’t suitable for it.

His overflow in magic is caused by Nightmare and Error’s high LV.

Like Error, he has eight tongues, and sharp teeth, like Nightmare.

He lives with Classic, soon to be looked after by Fell, too.

The (final) chapter which should explain why he lives with Classic (Spoliers): https://asknightmareanderror.tumblr.com/post/188283779626/armageddon

He has a stutter and twitches due to high magic.

He’s not a bad kid, he just finds it difficult to control his emotions and magic.

He loves eating.

Hugs are nice.

His ecto-stomach can open, like a mouth, and even has it’s own teeth.

He melts into a puddle when distressed, keeping himself safe from any harm from his own magic.

He acts younger than he actually is.

He has separation anxiety, for obvious reasons.

He randomly falls unconscious at points.

Next in line for the throne.

He is pansexual and asexual, but doesn’t mind being in a relationship, nothing too intimate though.

He did not appreciate finding out he had brothers.

He has grown closer to them, but will prefer to keep to himself, instead of talking to them.

He doesn’t sleep well, but can help others sleep easier with his presence.

He is based off of myself, to a degree (I wear a jumper and a hoodie on top of each other to make myself feel less anxious).

His high magic is his version of my Type 1 diabetes.

He is the most powerful out of the kids.

Genesis Phoenix:

Unidentical twin with Holo.

Not created yet (in the story), thirteen (in the ask-void and in real life).

Born November 5th.

Was originally supposed to be just a fanchild, not canon, but became canon because I loved him too much.

Nickname: Gen.

He is the result of Nightmare shifting forms during...the process.

He is the shortest of the kids.

When positive, flowers will bloom around him, like Doom.

The flower is an eye and is symbolic of Nightmare and his past.

When upset, he creates universes, which causes an imbalance as well (Like Doom).

He was meant to be the opposite of Doom, but is still socially anxious, despite being more outgoing.

The flower is a representation of his emotions, and changes shape depending on how he’s feeling.

Oil will drip out from underneath the flower if he’s feeling negative.

He can control his magic and emotions a lot easier than Doomsday.

He is pansexual.

Like Nightmare, he likes his milkshakes.

He has normal teeth, like Error, with two big canines.

One tongue.

He lives with his parents, because he wasn’t as unstable as Doomsday, and they were a bit wiser.

He is three years younger than Doomsday.

He tries his hardest to show as much care as possible to Doom, knowing he’s not pleased by the fact of having brothers.

Is naturally immature about situations.

He is the least powerful out of the kids.

Holo:

Unidentical twin with Genesis.

Not created yet (in the story), thirteen (in the ask-void and in real life).

Born November 5th.

He is the inbetween of Doomsday and Genesis.

He is non-binary, but doesn’t mind people thinking he’s male or female (He doesn’t care for pronouns).

Pure black, no light bounces off of him, like NIghtmare, he absorbs it.

He is the result of the imbalance in the multiverse, and was created unexpectedly at the same time Genesis appeared.

He is much more related to Nightmare than Error.

Much more stable than the other two.

One tongue.

He tries to speak formally, but will slip up sometimes.

He is a smartass and talks back to Nightmare and Error.

He makes sure nothing gets out of hand with Doom and Genesis.

He is pansexual and polyamorous, currently in a very big relationship with a lot of viruses.

He is a lot more stern and serious than the other two.

He has a bigger soft spot for Doom than Genesis, even though he does tease him quite often.

He is capable of subduing Doom if he gets out of control.

He is capable of subduing Genesis if he gets out of control.

He is capable of destroying and creating, like his two brothers.

The two feathers on his cape are from his gaster blaster, Dusk.

He was the first to find out about the blasters’s true/power forms.

He lives with his parents, too, but only stays around for days at a time.

He cleans coding of breaks and viruses.

He has had six viruses attached to his soul so far.

Only three remain on his soul (in the ask-void).

He is mature for his age.

He is the tallest out of the kids.

He can fuse with his viruses, but only with all of them, and only in a very dire situation.

He gets irritated easily.

He does become immature, if his viruses manage to make him grin.

He has a very strong bond/attachment to Caust (the first virus he found), and tends to become anxious if he ever leaves (usually in a mood over an argument).

He is almost as powerful as Doomsday.

So, there we have it! I probably will update this every so often with some more info on the kiddos, but that’s all I could think up of right now (even after not sleeping for a while XD).

I hope this sheds some light on these three, and I will do this for the other ship kids because it was actually fun to do!

Love y’all! <3

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whocalledhimannux · 5 years ago

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TBATD Chapter 21 Note

~spoilers abound~

So here’s the thing about this ending:

I’ve had it planned from, essentially, the moment I came up with this AU.

I’ve been second-guessing it since that moment.

My personal struggle with this chapter (and, to some extent, the previous three) is because the focus of the plot shifts somewhat--for most of the fic we’ve been firmly with Katara, on how she adjusts to her life in the Fire Nation and her relationship with Zuko. And now the culmination of the plot is essentially on Zuko becoming Fire Lord and Aang becoming the Avatar--which, to be fair, is what happens in canon, too. In my version, Katara also doesn’t technically win her fight with Azula. And up until literally five hours ago, she didn’t fight Azula, because I assumed that Aang would go into the Avatar state in a rage the moment Katara was threatened with lightning, and I was concerned that reducing Katara to a healing role was kinda sexist. Then my dumb ass remembered that I established earlier in the fic that Aang actually does have legit control over the Avatar state in my fic because he’s been working on it for ~two years and it’s totally fine for Katara and Azula to have more back-and-forth until Aang decides to step in.

SO. My worries about internalized sexism have been somewhat assuaged, but I had already written out a shit-ton of meta about this ending so I’m just going to keep at it. Basically I dithered over this for months, but the fundamental ending never actually changed. Every time I tried to think of alternate endings, I came back to the real catalyst for this fic, which is Iroh’s insight from The Old Masters:

Even if I did defeat Ozai--and I don’t know that I could--it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as just more senseless violence, a brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the Avatar to defeat the Fire Lord…Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor.

I mentioned this way back in my first chapter note; when I sat down to write this fic, I decided I wanted to change the established world as little as possible. I wanted Katara and Zuko to have all of the issues with each other they had in canon. I wanted the essential position of the Fire Nation and the South Pole to be the same. I wanted their friendships and familial relationships to be the same. I even tried to keep Zuko’s field trips! And I wanted Iroh to still be right about the politics of this slightly altered world.

Throughout the fic, I’ve touched on the ramifications of Iroh’s decision to kill his brother, in his relationship with Zuko, in Azula’s response (albeit hidden until like… now), in the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes’ perception of the Fire Nation, and a little bit in the Fire Nation’s perception of him as a ruler. Basically, he’s not trusted, nationally or internationally. And while Katara is, in my canon, very very well-liked, there are still some political limitations for her as a princess. So she can’t fix it until she’s Fire Lady--and she can’t be Fire Lady until her husband is the Fire Lord. Hence, Zuko becoming the Fire Lord takes a little bit of the focus in these later chapters.

Annnnnd then we get to the other part of Iroh’s statement, which is that the Avatar needs to be the one to end the war. Yeah. I think, if anything, that’s even more true in my fic than in canon. Think about it from the POV of, say, an Earth Kingdom general: “So, you’re telling me that they’ve had five Fire Lords in the last ~10 years, the first one died under mysterious circumstances after conveniently elevating his second son to the throne, the second one was killed extrajudicially by his brother, the third one was also accused of killing his nephew and abdicated to the fourth, who was then accused of being behind aforementioned assassination and was then usurped by the fifth one in a brawl that’s apparently totally legal by their standards… and I’m supposed to trust these people to be my friends?”

Somehow, I can’t see that working out. But the Avatar stabilizes things. The Avatar brings balance to the world, and is a neutral third party who can truly broker the peace… if and only if the people recognize his authority. Aang, in the world of this fic, disappeared for a hundred years, came back, died, came back again, and has been dicking around for two years while the adults solved all the problems. In canon, the world needed Zuko to be a good Fire Lord and Aang to be a fully realized and respected Avatar in order to achieve a true peace, and I felt that this fic needed those two things too.

I know that, since Aang didn’t appear for a big chunk of this fic, it might seem like a bit of a cop-out, but… I always felt energybending was a bit of a cop-out in canon, too. Sure, it makes sense when you know the broader context, but there was verrrrry little foreshadowing in the show itself prior to the series finale–and least for this fic you had the foreshadowing of canon!

Yes, that does mean that Katara doesn’t WIN-win the agni kai in this fic, but tbh I don’t know if she has to? Something I appreciate about Katara’s growth in the show is that, in Book One, her waterbending abilities and her access to combat instruction are really her main hangups… and then they’re not. From Book Two on, she is recognized as an unquestionable waterbending master and one of the most competent benders in the world, and she feels comfortable in that role--her conflict in the remainder of the show is more about her personal relationships and her “dark side,” so to speak.

The agni kai is a fitting end for her storyline in canon because it happens during the comet, when she should be at a massive disadvantage. Take that away, and like… yeah, Katara beat somebody. What else is new? I don’t think she has to prove her worth in this universe. She’s been living in the Fire Nation, which is comfortable with female fighters and doesn’t assume she’s weak… and she’s been earning a reputation as a total BAMF for the last couple of months.

Katara’s conflicts in this fic have been on those other insecurities: whether bloodbending is wrong, if her anger or resentment are justified, how she fits into this new home, how she connects with her old one, her relationship with Zuko. So the fact that she has showed up, that she’s publicly defended the nation, that she risked her life to save Zuko, those are all things she gets “credit” towards and things that wrap up her main character growth. Katara ending this fic as an incredibly popular Fire Lady with a strong, stable marriage is a win from my perspective.

BONUS: this was my favorite ending for Azula.. I am working on a follow-up fic that will follow Azula. I’ll be upfront with y’all in saying that it is not finished and will not be up for a few months, at LEAST. (The reason I was able to update this fic every two/three days is because I spent four months writing it w/o posting a word.) I always kind of wished we’d seen Azula’s breakdown drawn out a little more in canon, and I was reeeeaaaaally pissed when I saw how Azula was treated in the beginning of The Search. When I considered Azula’s end in this fic (and how she might progress in a follow-up fic), I thought long and hard about what rock bottom would really look like for her, specifically what kind of issues she might be dealing with instead of the generic “craziness” that is treated pretty terribly in the comics, and what recovery would look like.

I think being without her firebending is unquestionably Azula’s rock bottom. Her identity as a prodigy means everything to her. From her perspective, she’s never really been loved by her mother or her uncle or Zuko–it’s all been Ozai, and his love has been predicated on her success. In canon, she got a glimpse of how easily Ozai would turn his back on her, and that’s her real breaking point; in this fic, she never got that, so while she has been dealing with grief in a pretty terrible, unhealthy way, her real breaking point is the loss of The Thing that ties her to her father.

But I think that also offers her the best chance for true recovery and redemption, because it strips her of the delusion that she is perfect and untouchable and doesn’t actually need love. Azula defines herself by her success, and what is she without success? She would say nothing; Katara, Zuko, et al, would say you’re still a person, actually, still a human being deserving of respect and love and forgiveness. My version of energybending and recovery is going to be a bit different than how it plays out in LoK, because Selective Death of the Author, and I think her recovery of her bending in my way will parallel her recovery in general quite nicely.

So. that’s a lot of meta for an ending I changed halfway through. I have spent so much time thinking about this fic and it’s truly been a joy, even when it’s been a pain in the ass. Thank you all so much for sticking with me.

#tbatd

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tsukidotcom · 5 years ago

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Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

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qlistening · 4 years ago

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Happy Pandemic-iversary

What’s up ladies. It’s around the pandemic-iversary and as you all know, I have appointed myself as head of commenting on shit that has happened during the pandemic and it’s time for a quarterly update.

If I had to guess, each and every one of you has gone one of two routes since the beginning of last year.

Route 1: Realizing that everything inherently cool and fun would be cancelled and quickly deciding that some factor like your mental health or the quality of your college experience was more important than the social/public health consequences of partying during the pandemic. If you’re feeling attacked right now, worry not party girl. That is not my intention. I myself am a founding member of the “anything to feel something” club and a staunch believer that if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

Odds are that if you are in this group, you’re a wee bit entitled and/or your mental health is held together by a very thin thread. Taking away your regularly scheduled social interactions may have unboxed some demons that you would really like to tuck back in. I’m talking depression, anxiety, substance abuse, insecurity, issues with loneliness, etc. You either used partying to slam the lid shut on that box, or like me, pulled out your demons, worked on them a little, and boxed them back up with more partying when you were over it.

That’s growth baby! Nothing monumental, but you laid more groundwork for making it through your twenties than you would have otherwise AND you’re in a great position to reenter society when all this is over. Sure you were probably “on the wrong side of history”, but as long as you didn’t kill anyone, you will probably be able to live with yourself.

Route 2: The CDC said jump and you said “how high?”. These are my rule-following girly pops. My caring and empathetic girly pops. And of course, my girly pops who had inescapably valid reasons to avoid the rone at all costs.

Your year has probably consisted of a mix of being infinitely proud of yourself for doing the right thing, infinitely frustrated with those who did not, and infinitely in denial about how much it sucked. You knew that the second you admitted to yourself that all of the whipped coffee, brisk walks, and zoom happy hours in the world were not going to be enough to keep you happy, you would fall into an inescapable cycle of depression that you had no hope of climbing out of in your isolated state. So you made up bullshit tasks to keep yourself occupied for an entire year.

You are a fucking hero for that, BUT your transition back into real life is not going to be easy. All of those little tasks that you invented have started to feel like legitimate priorities that you are having trouble distinguishing from your real responsibilities. You have to be prepared to let all of that deep cleaning and gourmet cooking go in exchange for going out to bars and showering more than twice a week. And just a tip from the pandemic party girl; socializing is not going to be fun and easy or any more stimulating than those made up tasks at first. But humans are social animals and you need to get in touch with whatever aspect of going out that you used to love so dearly. Whether that was making new friends, relentlessly pursuing some dick, showing off your cute outfits, sweaty dancing, or just getting fucked up, there was a reason you did this shit every weekend and you need to acknowledge it in order to connect with your former self.

Now that I have lumped you into these two different groups, it’s time to talk about the middle of the venn diagram: depression. Whether you hid from that shit at home or at He’s Not, odds are it caught up to you eventually. It was easy to predict that removing the majority of stimulation and fulfillment from life and throwing around the term “uncertain times” for a year would create a sub-pandemic of depressed ass bitches.

I saw it coming from day one, but that only made it worse. Feeling your motivation and ability to find any means of generating serotonin slip away from you is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, yet have seen in almost everyone. I thought that seeing this shit coming would protect me from it and I was wrong. When it hit, I was consumed by the same sense of self loathing you feel when a boy fucks you over and you saw it coming, but didn’t have the strength to resist.

Self loathing and emptiness are some raw fucking feelings and I hope to God that, at the very least, our shared experiences with these emotions has cultivated a broader sense of empathy in our cut-throat society. So far, that hunch has played out in the polls.

Empathy or no empathy, these feelings are still pervasive throughout the world and I’ll be damned if a single bitch with a marketing job was going to miss their chance to capitalize on this. With that, we have the birth of “wellness”. That world is honestly a trigger for me at this point because I, like many of you, was fooled into thinking it would be the antidote to depression. But what it really is is a well played scheme to sell things to people who are down bad and desperate to regain control over their health and well being. Believe me, I understand that this is a natural byproduct of capitalism, but there is something really insidious about an industry with marketing tactics that prey on people’s fear that something is wrong with them and offer them bullshit solutions to fix it.

Reading that back, I realize that is pretty much the textbook definition of marketing, but I’m standing by the fact that it is fucked up. Sorry if that offends anyone.

For all of you ladies who have been dropping bricks on supplements, jade rollers, and overpriced subscriptions to meditation apps, I am here to offer you a reality check. You do not need that shit. Don’t believe me? You don’t have to! Men are living proof that I am right. Most have never taken a vitamin, stretched, meditated, or eaten a vegetable besides corn and are literally fine.

If you want to partake in the wellness trend, fine, but don’t let that shit throw you into a state of body hyper-awareness where you manifest health problems just from worrying about them. Don’t reward the companies who did this to you with your money. And PLEASE do not pass up on the opportunity to do normal twenty-something fuck shit that would actually make you feel better for the sake of your made up health needs.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. There is plenty more to comment on, but I have to go outside and smoke my half cigarette before it starts to rain. See y’all next time I am bored enough to write one of these.

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thesummerstorms · 5 years ago

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Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 12)

CW: combat violence, medical needles, planned bombing

TL:DR Recap: Niner steals a speeder. Etain and Dar have what’s probably their most awkward conversation, although the river scene is close. Hokan continues to trash Ankkit’s villa in the name of a double bluff.

Beginning Kal Count: 21 Ending Kal Count: 24

We open back on Niner, who’s finally able to use comms to openly call his squad now that the Nemodians/Separatists can’t listen in. He also needs to steal a ride so that he doesn’t have to keep running on foot away from the large explosion he just created.

Listen, I will give KT shit about her timelines and narrative consistency and sexism, etc, etc all day every day, but she does have some great lines. I love the description here. Also, I guess it’s hoping too much to hope that the gdan would eventually learn not to eat people in armor.

There’s a little bit of banter here, but it’s an incredibly short scene. Fi teases him on the phone and Niner tells Fi to call Darman before hanging up to find a ride. Long story short, Niner sees a Trandoshan approaching on a speeder bike, probably to check on his slaving business Niner thinks, Niner headshots him, and then Niner leaves the area with “newly uplifted spirits”.

We cut to Etain, who’s annoyed because there’s still run off from the rain dripping down Dar’s makeshift tent, she can only hear out of one ear still, and her effort to scare the gdan with the Force the way she thought Jinart did “only succeed[ed] in making them more curious, although they had stopped trying to take bites out of her.”

The real problem at the root of her restlessness, though, is that she’s finally having a down moment to process having killed someone and also her sense of personal failure.

I mean, it’s kind of early in their relationship to be using Darman’s presence as a meditation focus, but you know, given her lack of coping skills in evidence thus far, I’m gonna say that’s a teasing, non-serious minor objection. She is already getting pretty good at sensing him distinctly in the Force.

And of course he’s exhilarated because he, finally, finally got a phone call from his brothers. He gives Etain a status update about the comm station and their gear and the squad having a prisoner while Etain muses on how strange it is to see his excited body-language and Force presence without seeing it in his face.

That’s a really unkind thought on Etain’s part not gonna lie. And it’s weird as hell to be that KT has her sensing Darman’s exhilaration a moment before, but not his grief in this conversation, which we have plenty of evidence for. I don’t even have a good explanation for that. Also, this is the first time since the actual moment of death that we see Etain acknowledging grief for Kast, but it feels a little flat compared to how we’ve seen Omega’s grief written.

I’m choosing to take the two mentions of “our training sergeant” plus the one in the next paragraph as basically adding up to one for the Kal Count (22) since they’re in the same conversation and really off-hand.

Etain has a knack for asking the most awkward of questions, but sometimes they’re also motivated ones. I still disagree with the general thesis here, in light of the farmer’s situation, but honestly I’m gonna take that up with Traviss, not Darman or Etain.

I could do a little less with everyone always pitying everyone else in these books, but otherwise this is kind of... nice? Dar, again, is generous/thoughtful. At Etain is pretty good at making small observations,like about the dried fruit.

And then we get to this infamous part..

I’m gonna be real with y’all, that isn’t where my brain would have went, but I’m very, very ace. It is kind of frank for a Star Wars book, but I still didn’t get it as an eighth grader. I have since seen someone make a joke about the symbolism of the tent and the pole, but my brain really just doesn’t work that way, so I think it’s best if I shrug and move on.

“she was exhausted, she just wanted to sit numbly and do nothing. She jumped to her feet, snatched the pole, and ran at him.” I don’t think “numbness” is an unreasonable response, but Dar does a pretty good job of drawing her out of it.

Fun fact, I tried once to use this as evidence to decide which of the classic lightsaber forms Etain was best at, since every other time she uses her lightsaber in combat it’s against blasters, which doesn’t tell much. The closest match I could find to her movements here was form V, which is emphatically NOT meant for someone her size.

The ebook version of “Jedi Path” is TERRIBLE but:

Anyway, moving on.

:( They go on to talk about Darman’s training, the fact that commandos died in training (I’m not even gonna go into my ??? at this point), and the fact that Darman started training with live rounds at four or five. That would make him 8-10 developmentally. I have a lot of questions as someone who teaches 11 year olds, but I’ll save them for later. Etain confesses she’s perplexed by the clones’ enhanced aging as well.

Kal Count 23. Also, ouch. Like. A lot of ouch.

I like that highlighted quote a lot, because as much time as Traviss spends poopooing the Jedi in this series, Etain is Jedi, and while the institution is corrupt, the impulse for the Jedi teachings comes from their literal connection to all the life around them. So seeing this perspective of death/war from her is important to me. Of course the rest of the next several paragraphs is calling her out/refuting that point of view but. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m tired. We’re just gonna say “culture clash”/”narrative authority”/ “positional pov” and move on.

I’m also counting that as a separate Kal Count, because it’s referencing a different quote/topic/ideal. So now we’re at 24.

Anyway, they go outside and Darman asks Etain about the daywings, which are basically space!dragon flies that are beautiful colors but only live for a day. The narration/Etain makes an obvious connection to Darman without him being aware, but honestly it just makes me uncomfortable. It does really make his line in Order 66 about being a man who was tired of finding things in common with insects sink home, though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Finally we finish off with more Hokan, who is trashing Ankkit’s villa some more just to rub things in while also trying to stage a double bluff- Uthan has already been moved from the villa back to her lab/bunker.

He also has a Napoleon complex, apparently.

Okay, I’ll admit, I chuckled at this part. Hokan finishes off by talking about the droid comlink and promoting one of his officers who just discretely murdered the other, higher-ranking officer Hokan didn’t like, at Hokan’s bequest.

Again. The guy has issues.

#Republic Commando #Rev Recaps RepComm #Etain Tur-Mukan #Darman Skirata #Niner Skirata #Ghez Hokan #Hard Contact

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cards-onthetable · 5 years ago

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Emotional roller coaster

I just have so, so, so many feelings about last night’s episode. I’m not going to sit here and waste time onhow Maria Baez is too good for this trashcan show, or how ridiculous it is that every damn thing is a huge conflict of interest now (Erin being sent to deal with her dad re: some controversial issue? Frank saying “if I can’t get my daughter to do what I want...” or something like that? Me still watching when every scene nauseates me? Gross x 3). Today I’m just going to talk about Jamko. I went back and forth between (almost) 👀😍 and like, crying in misery every scene so join me on this emotional roller coaster of ridiculousness.

Scene: crossing paths in the precinct between shifts

OMG this scene is actually almost cute.

Eddie in a t-shirt (even if it’s pink)? Jamie in short sleeves? Omg omg 😍

“You look like a partner I used to have.” Is this... an attempt... at old style bantery Jamko?!

I can’t figure out what’s up with Jamie even after watching multiple times (thanks @jamkosarmyoftwo). He looks better/less dead than he has in a while (maybe it’s the short sleeved uniform? 👀👀) But lol his voice/inflection/line delivery is still a little off.

It feels noteworthy that not only did Eddie volunteer to be the decoy driver in this operation to catch the cab passenger — the whole operation is her idea.

A steak sandwich waiting in the fridge after a long night at work? This is like the first Real Evidence that Jamie actually loves her. Let me tell you, I’d pretty much marry anyone who feeds me after a night shift on the spot.

Eddie waving at him is cute not gonna lie. 😍😂

Sidenote: what’s the status of Jamie and Eddie’s relationship at the precinct? We know their superiors know they’re married at this point, but what about the other cops? Are we just ignoring that little detail they spent a year apparently hiding? Yes? Okay cool.

Scene: Eddie and Witten at another cab robbery

😂😂😂 someone else besides Eddie now gets to be the STEP BACK yeller! Amazing! Eddie’s moving up in the NYPD y’all.

Why is it daylight? Is it the next day after the precinct scene? What happened to these middle-of-the-night robberies? I have many questions about this, folks.

I legit cracked up when Eddie goes to check on the victim and he falls forward, dead. Is this meant to be some comic relief? Why do I watch this show?

Scene: Jamie and Eddie’s apartment

Eddie’s making Jamie dinner after he left her a steak sandwich. Again, I have questions about the sequence of these scenes... Eddie’s already had another shift so it has to be the next day right? Nothing makes sense.

I’ll try to ignore Eddie choosing to make Jamie a damn salmon (because that’s a reasonable, quick-ish weeknight dinner before rushing off to work) and apparently only making one (would she not have like, fed herself too???) because omg for a second, they’re almost cute 👀👀

I would’ve liked to see a quick little kiss when Jamie walks in like they’re some kind of normal couple but it’s whatever, I guess

“Aw, you didn’t have to do thaaaattttt!” Again with the weird inflection. Maybe this means he’s trying for something other than ugh-just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying? But lol.

Aaaaand then we go from almost-cute to cringey super fast.

Eddie asks about the decoy operation (reasonable) and then gets weirdly upset about the wrong things when Jamie updates her.

Old Eddie would easily have understood the selection of a decoy who closely resembles the victim profile. Like don’t even with me @ her getting all butthurt over not being chosen for a role where they need a male.

It bothers the fuck out of me that Eddie reacts the way she does to Jamie getting the driver job. Again, objectively, she should realize why she was passed over. And Old Eddie would not have expected Jamie to give her this ~special treatment~ she’s asking for here when she says he should have told the sergeant that she wanted that job. And... she wants it because the last scene “got to her”? And she claims Jamie’s being “overprotective”? God I hate it all.

Talk about an inappropriate ~work-life balance~ when they’re having these emotional Disagreements about work-related matters at home. Gross gross gross.

Oh we’re mentioning last year’s decoy op when Jamie jumped out of the damn bushes to save Eddie (which was totally overprotective and inappropriate)? GOOD LET’S file this away for later shall we?

Now Eddie’s basically storming out. Nice. I hate it. I feel like this ~argument~ was done completely the wrong way and I can’t take either of them seriously right now.

Scene: family dinner

SPOILER ALERT: I HATE EDDIE IN THIS SCENE TOO

Remember that time Eddie waltzed into Jamie’s apartment all “you got ESPN?” And that deleted scene where she tried to win Mets tickets? And the general idea in earlier seasons that she’s a sports fan?

SO WHY THE FUCK does she get this horrified look on her face all “that’s part of the game?!” when Sean says he hit the opposing pitcher with a pitch?

Yes dude. Payback in the form of intentionally hitting opposing players with pitches is a part of baseball. I will withhold my personal opinion on this topic but the point is, yeah, it’s a common thing in the game of baseball. So gross @ Eddie up in here acting like she’s never heard of that before and she’s all horrified by it. I don’t buy it.

“Where’d you get that, G Gordon Liddy?” Lol when I asked @ontherockswithsalt who tf G Gordon Liddy is, she was all “ASK YOUR DAD THAT’S WHO” so cool @ Eddie casually referencing this Watergate dude when she was not born yet when that went down.

0/10 I hate it.

Scene: decoy discussion after dinner

WAIT Tell me more about Jamie’s past sports gambling. 👀👀

Last time we talked about this, Eddie was pissed that Jamie was chosen instead of her and accused Jamie of being overprotective. And here she is being overprotective asking if there are any safer alternatives? 🙃 I’m tired.

Yes please Jamie. Explain to Eddie ~how the job works~. Good good.

They don’t annunciate at all in this scene and I can barely understand what they’re saying. Glad to have you back, Will “just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying” Estes.

Sidenote: Lol @ his short sleeved button down. Dad Look on point.

Scene: DECOY OP OH BOY HERE WE GO 🙃

Jamie picks up the suspected perp in broad daylight with a huge ass black van not at all discreetly following him. Nice.

Eddie anxiously listening to police radio somewhere in her own car. Nice.

“Just drive.” Lol @ everything.

By the way cabs in NY have partitions between the driver and the backseat to protect the driver so this entire premise is bullshit and they would’ve done better to make it like, Uber drivers getting whacked or something. but who cares about realism?

“What the hell are you going?” Like he’s so damn casual @ having a gun held to his head. I’m dying. 😂😂😂

OH NO THE HUGE ASS BLACK VAN LOST THE FEED. WHATEVER WILL THEY DO?! Also highkey dying @ this ridiculous graphic. 😂🙃

The fuck @ this entire car ...chase? Whatever you’d call it when Jamie is driving with his knees for blocks and blocks while holding an armed attacker at bay.

HE’S WEARING CARGO PANTS GOD SPARE ME.

EDDIE TO THE RESCUE WHAT THE FUCK?

The “find my phone app” is more reliable than NYPD technology? Nice.

And then Jamie rolls his eyes before they do this weird jerky grab-each-other thing and I hate it all.

SOME ISSUES: Eddie listening in on a police operation while off duty. Eddie using the fucking FIND MY PHONE APP to interfere with said police op. Eddie shooting a perp while off duty.

Normally this would prompt a huge ass investigation into all of Eddie’s activities, including off duty discharging her gun. This seems like very clear evidence that they can’t safely continue working out of the same precinct. Yet I’m sure there will be zero consequences and we’re just supposed to be all 😍😍 @ Eddie saving the day.

It’s all so ridiculously absurd, y’all. I can’t take this shit seriously. I mean is the show even trying anymore? When I watched this scene live last night, I literally thought “wow this is it, this is where I stop watching Blue Bloods.” And I mean that may or may not be true but like... I hate it so much.

Scene: Eddie and Jamie’s apartment again. Sitting Like This on the couch.

Lol @ this casual transition from watching a cooking show to “that’s the second time you’ve saved my life. Thanks.” 🙃🙃🙃

This discussion that “if we accept the risks for ourselves we have to accept the risks for each other” is actually a great line and it’s a thing they should’ve talked about a long time ago, way before getting married. But that doesn’t mean I’m cool with Eddie taking it on herself to be Jamie’s guardian angel (who the fuck basically calls themselves someone else’s guardian angel? 🙃) for the rest of their careers.

THIS KISS. Geez I’m not here for it. Like every kiss they’ve had since getting engaged has looked just like the 2 kisses they had before that. I need to feel something different in these married people kisses okay?

IN SUMMARY: These contrived Jamko work situations are about to get really old really fast and I need a change if I’m going to keep tolerating this bullshit on my tv every Friday night. They don’t have a healthy coping strategy re: each other’s inherent risks as cops and they don’t have a healthy coping strategy to allow them to work out of the same precinct and constantly be aware of/involved in the other’s work activities. It’s stupid from a marriage standpoint, stupid from a work and realism standpoint, and ridiculous all around. Do better, folks. I hate it.

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pocket-infinity · 5 years ago

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I’m beginning to notice a pattern with my posts...

At this point I could honestly set my watch by how often I make stuff like this; like, I’m 90% sure that all of my original content involves The Only Option by @corruptapostasy (will I always say the full thing? yes. is it partially an excuse to tag the author so you know who they are? yes). Which, I mean, hey, I’m not complaining. But here we go again, once more, for the… 9th? 9th time. Spoilers, of course; read it, of course.

Look, I can’t run over the same things forever (no matter how much I adore them), so I’m not going to go on about how good and nice and otherwise excited and positive this makes me feel, and, of course, one can only say thank you so many times before it becomes devoid of all meaning. But what I am going to go on about is how much I love the expansion of everything — well, that’s not quite the word I’m looking for, but you’ll see soon enough. That’s enough vague rambling about nothing, let’s get into what I mean to say. I love the way this… is. I’m trying to keep my thoughts organized, and I know that’s the most broad statement, but it’s true. I genuinely adore everything in here, but to get my point across, let’s use my boy Lurien as an example. I mean, at first he just seems like a different permutation of Lurien, like something we’ve all seen too many times before; that lasts less than one chapter. By the second time we see him, we get to see the pain and worry this is causing him. His mind always turns to the suffering that’s going on; he always worries about what’s coming next. The thought of Hallownest ending brings him to tears immediately, and then everything goes straight to hell when the archives flood, because of course they do. That’s not what interests me about him, though; it’s the fact that he always manages to pick himself up and keep going again and again. I mean, it is fairly obvious that he’s not having the grandest time with the Radiances return (he seems to be the second most stressed about it, and I’ll explain in a moment), but he doesn’t let that stop him. His focus on the future kind of tips both ways; it lets him plan things and be where he needs to be when he needs to be there, but at the same time he seems kind of caught up in it. Now, as I was saying earlier, he’s the second most stressed, not far behind The Pale King, I don’t figure. And when he finally does have a face-to-face encounter with her, it becomes so obvious why. He was forced into slavery (whether from birth or not I have no idea), and the moment he stepped out of line, the Radiance scarred him for the rest of his life (both literally and figuratively). Not to mention that he’s more-or-less in a situation where he’s stuck desperately in love with someone who he will never have. The Radiance plays each and every one of these cards against him, being an absolute monster as she laughs and taunts and calls her work with the scars “beautiful” and makes constant sadistic remarks. She doesn’t even need to threaten him; both of them just know that she’s going to try to kill him. But Luren doesn’t break; I mean, he’s visibly shaking, and there’s obvious, intense trauma here (why wouldn’t there be?), but he holds it together and proves her wrong before going off to deck the Soul Master. Now, that was a long rant about Lurien, one character, not even the protagonist. All of the events I just described occur in a total of 3 different chapters. There are 8 out, currently. So I don’t think I need to begin to describe the magnitude of development that people like The Pale King or The White Lady or Grimm go through. Hell, chapters 5 and 8 have two of my favorite scenes because when PK finally does run out of patience, so much is revealed, and that’s on top of the development happening more subtly all the damn time. And with Grimm, too, everything changes and develops as time goes on, but I don’t want to drop a post about a quarter as long as the fic itself describing how much I love each character and their arcs and development. Oh, and did I mention that a quarter of the length of the pic would be just under 50,000 words? Because that’s worth noting. And that’s the central characters I’ve been focusing on, I haven’t even begun to mention things like the new lore or the magnificence with which the 5 knights are written or the goddamn Seer whom we adore in this household or Enkay or the Fundament or anything else! So let’s get on that, huh?

The Lore is something magnificent. We’ve got rituals; we’ve got backstory; we’ve got ancient eldritch gods; we’ve got the way gods are made; we’ve got million-year-old history; we’ve got fucking everything we could want and then some at our disposal, y’all. Everyone’s magic is different, the Pale King’s backstory is so wild and twisting that holy hell I’d end up going half-insane with excitement if I tried to talk about it (but hey that’s already happening so). But if The Pale King is the gold standard for lore, then Grimm is a fucking diamond mine. There is Too Goddamn Much for me to cover here, but let’s get some things listed: past incarnations, regaining memories, inter-incarnation relationships, conspiracy and cloak and dagger between those incarnations and certain external individuals (*cough* Pale King *cough*). There’s so much, and I love it — oh my god I never mentioned god splitting. It is a remarkably fresh, creative, and incredible concept that I just haven’t seen before. Granted, it could be from some real-world mythology I’m unfamiliar with, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never seen it done, and damn is it done well. It’s essentially— well— okay just go read it I can’t do it justice with my words because, although it would probably be easily possible for me to actually describe what’s happening, it has a certain level of gravity and intrigue, or at least to me it does. Not to mention that context makes everything better as far as stories are concerned.

I could go on for days (I already have and will continue to do so), and I probably will end up updating this at some point with the other things I so adore, but for now I’m going to leave it here. I sincerely cannot recommend anything higher than this, so please, do yourself a favor and read it.

#the only option #hollow knight

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maree-ff · 5 years ago

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Interlude: Late Night Fix

ANDRE

“Bro...what’s going on with you and your girl?” Tariq asked just as he passed me another shot.

I threw the shot back and juggled the glass in my hand just staring off into space. “We’re trying man. We agreed last month that we would work on us but idk if it’s working. It’s like nothing has changed. Not much anyway.” I shrugged.

“You still love her right?” He questioned just as two random broads came walking in, talking loudly to each other. Riq and I both looked over at them leaning on each other for support, clearly drunk as hell.

Throwing my head back against the cabinet I focused more so on the bottle of Jack in front of me. “There’s no question. I love that girl with all my heart. I just don’t know what more to do and neither does she. The thing is, out of nowhere she’ll call me to come over at the strangest fucking times. I feel like I’m ripping out a page from my old playbook or some shit.” I chuckled dryly.

“The hours of three to six in the morning is fucking hours.” He joked. The two women that walked in made their way over to where we were and the weird tension in the air made me uncomfortable. For some reason I’ve been feeling all types of vibes from women lately. Ever since the girls got in trouble last month, Camila and I said we would work on our relationship. She said she wanted me to move back in and I did for like two weeks. It didn’t feel the same and that hurt me. She didn’t treat me differently, our dynamic as a couple just felt off. So I’m still living by myself but I still get to see my kids everyday.

And it’s like ever since then, whenever I come into contact with other women, I get this feeling I can’t explain. I can’t explain it to Camila. Every time a woman looks at me I feel like she’s giving the eye. They’re all starting to give off that vibe like they want to throw themselves at me. I’m not sexually frustrated at all because Camila keeps me satisfied even with our struggles. But these broads out here are on some next level shit. Sometimes I do get more attention than I would like and sometimes I come in contact with chicks who make passes at me. And they’re bold too!

“What’s going on Tariq..” one of the girls asked leaning on the counter.

“Come on..I know y’all see us talking. Go back downstairs.” Riq said with an irritated look on his face.

“Ok..no need to be hostile. Everybody is just asking where the host of the party is that’s all. What about you?” The second chick spoke up boldly, making her way over to me. She hit with that look and stood next to me with her arm resting comfortably on my leg.

Cocking my eyebrow at how bold this girl became in just a matter of seconds, I pushed her arm off of me. “He ain’t interested. Kat, get ya girl before she gets her feelings hurt.” Tariq warned looking at the first girl who was still failing to win over my boy.

“Aw come on, I don’t mean any harm. I just want to talk to him. What do you say handsome? Wanna come dance with me?” She asked moving in between my legs.

On cue as if God was looking out, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I pushed old girl back some so I could reach into my pocket. Seeing Camila’s face on my screen had me rushing to get out of this messy situation. “Hey baby..” I answered boldly, staring at the girl dead in her face.

Her happy, prideful, look faded in seconds after I said “baby”. I couldn’t help but laugh internally at how hurt she looks.

“Did I call you at a bad time?” Cam asked softly.

“Nah, you called at the perfect time. Hold on just one second.” I muttered hopping off the counter and maneuvering around these drunk bitches. “What’s going on? You okay?” I asked her going into an empty room and shutting the door so I can have some privacy.

“I miss you, can you come over when you’re done with whatever you’re doing? Unless you don’t want to then that’s ok..” the silence on her end made me instantly feel guilty that she thinks I wouldn’t want to see her. This is what I meant by I don’t know what else to do. She calls me like this knowing damn well I’m gonna come over no matter what time it is.

“Why you treating me like I’m one of your old fuck buddies?” I said going to stand next to the window. I looked out at Tariq’s backyard seeing people still enjoying themselves downstairs.

“I’m not. I just don’t want you to feel obligated to come and see me.” She sighed sounding defeated.

“Baby..” I began watching Tariq come into view. He was kicking some people out for trashing his yard. “You make it sound like coming to see you is like going to work. I actually enjoy seeing your face so don’t think just because it’s two in the morning that I won’t come by. What are you doing up this late?”

“I literally..just got Ali to go to sleep. How he managed to stay up this late, I really don’t know. He’s laying in your spot now with his little ball shorts on and he’s shirtless. He looks so cute baby you should see him.” She giggled quietly.

The fact that Jorden can only sleep through a night and peacefully at that dressed like me is such an honor. I’m his comfort just like his mother is mine. I need her like he needs me. Because as I have said a thousand times before, without Camila there is no family.

Shaking my head at my sneaky and adorable son, I walked over to the door and pulled it back. I left the spare bedroom seeing no one around. “I miss that kid. I tell you what..get him in his bed and make room for me in ours.” I bargained.

“I’ll do my best. One more question..do you miss me?” She asked seriously. I pulled my phone away from my ear and glared at it wishing I could show her my face for real.

The bitch who tried pushing up on me earlier reappeared and looked my way. As she made her way over to me I couldn’t help but fight the urge to curse her out. Why? Because this same broad has been on my ass all fucking night. From the moment I walked in the door, shorty has been close behind me like a shadow.

“Yeah I miss you. What kind of question is that?” I retorted.

“I just like to hear you say it. It makes me feel good.” She mumbled, shifting around. I heard a low groan which I know came from Jorden.

“I got something else that can make you feel good too..” I smirked watching the girl’s face fall again. I love messing with bitches that don’t have a chance with me. I do this whenever I can because explaining that I’m not interested never seems to resonate with women this day and age. So any chance I get to speak to Cam in front of other women makes my day so much better. “As a matter of fact, I’m on my way right now. Be naked when I get there.” I stated proudly.

“I’m halfway there..you just have to finish the job. I’m gonna put Jorden down. Drive safely papi I love you.” Camila blew me a kiss through the phone.

“Love you too baby. I’ll see you soon.” I said my bye and hung up. Sliding my phone back into my pocket I stuck around to see if this girl would explain why she’s been on me all night. “Do you have something to say? You’ve been shadowing me all fucking night and you will not leave me alone.” I said, annoyed that I’m even standing here.

“I’m not sure. I’ve been debating all night whether or not I wanted to make a move on you but I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She said, exhaling sharply.

“That sure didn’t stop you from invading my personal space not even ten fucking minutes ago. I get on the phone with my girl and look you dead in your face and you can’t seem to take a hint. Why did you even come back up here? Fuck all that, just stay away from me if you see me again.” Throwing my hands up I walked around her and downstairs to find Tariq. “Yo..” I called getting his attention.

“You out?” He asked walking closer.

“Yeah nigga I’m out. Holla at me tomorrow if you tryna get into something.” I gave him a brotherly hug and dipped. A good nut will help shake these weird feelings. I hope.

--------- ---------

Closing the door behind me I took my shoes off and quietly headed to the back. I stopped by the girls’ room to check on them like I always do and gave them love. I left their room before going upstairs to see my little man. His soft snores invaded my ears the second I hit the last step.

“My fucking seed.” I chuckled quietly. Going over to the door I gripped the handle and quietly pushed my way in. Jorden was lying on his back with his hand tucked in his shorts. I leaned on the door frame just to watch him in his prime. I love this boy so dearly. I can’t believe he’ll be preschool this coming fall. It feels like just yesterday I was watching him come into the world. Now almost four years later and he’s grown so much. He looks like me, tries to talk like me, and he acts like me...Jorden is me in another life.

“He’s adorable isn’t he?” A soft voice spoke from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Camila on the last step in some of my old clothes.

“Very. How long did it take you to get him to go to sleep?” I asked feeling her hands touch my arms and slide down to my hands. Looking down to see her wrap her arms around my torso and tease like she was trying to take my shirt off. She didn’t but she damn sure made it seem as if that’s what she was getting ready to do.

“An hour. Well almost an hour. How was your day?” She quizzed, hugging me from the side.

I threw my arm around her shoulder to draw her closer to me. Being next to Mil after not really seeing much of her today has me missing her more than usual. We spoke on the phone earlier but I haven’t been by the house since early yesterday morning. “It was ok. How was yours? Anything new happen?” I asked.

Anytime we don’t get the time to sit down and have an extended talk about what’s been going on with our kids, she’ll give me a brief update. I’m at the house so much throughout the week but on days that I can’t be I still like to know if anything new is going on with my kids. Their health and well-being means everything to me.

“No. Jorden was helping me wash and fold clothes earlier. He sat on the dryer and separated a load with me. I got a little emotional because he never helps me with laundry. He’ll usually just hug my legs or sit on the floor and watch me. He’ll point out if I drop a sock or something and give it to me so I don’t have to stretch my back out so much. I’m so proud of the little boy he’s becoming Dre. He’s so helpful in so many ways and I die when he uses his manners. All I’ve ever wanted is for our kids to grow up well mannered and respectful to their family even if to no one else.” Camila explained, turning halfway around to look at our son turn over and cuddle up with his one of Zoe’s stuffed lions.

The left side of his face was squished by the toy but we knew not to touch him. Jorden is so much like me when he’s sleeping. So that means don’t touch us at all or you’re going to have hell to pay. We adjust ourselves when we’re ready.

“I love him so much. I love them all so much.” I said leaning into kiss the top of her head. I closed my eyes at the calming scent of her freshly washed hair.

“Go get comfortable, I have one last load I need to take care of.” Camila separated from me leaving me with a hard dick and a frustrated mind.

“She always does this shit.” I huffed, jogging down to the room. I peeled my shirt off the second I stepped into the bathroom heading to get the water going. I took a quick shower since she wasn’t joining me this time. When I got out I could smell some type of herb in the air that I didn’t recognize. “Always doing some weird shit Maree..” I chuckled to myself.

I stood at the sink and brushed through my hair, taking care of a few other things as well. Turning the light off and walking out into the room, I stopped in my tracks seeing Cam enter the room at the same time as me. Her body adorned this black long sleeve, part lace..part sheer, bodysuit. She eventually broke down the terminology of lingerie and what every piece is properly called. For her to be wearing something like this in black, gives off a whole new vibe that I’m picking up from her. She rarely and I mean rarely wears black lingerie, let alone a black bra. And I am living this look on her.

“That new?” I asked breaking the ice first. She nodded curtly and shut the door behind her. I heard the lock turn and that’s when I took note of everything that’s different in the room. She’s got three groups of big ass candles in various spots of the room, adding the perfect low light setting. The bedspread is red and the sheets are white. “What’s going on?” I asked again, meeting her halfway.

“I told I miss you. My dad is coming to get the kids in the morning. They’re gonna stay with him until Monday night. So..we have the house to ourselves for a couple of days.” She disrobed me of my towel and threw it behind me eagerly. Her hands hungrily pushed me to our sitting area. My back suddenly touched bases with the chair, Camila dropped to her knees and got to work immediately. Her mind is already made up about what it wants. She’s on a different level than I am and in order for us to be on the same page, she didn’t want to waste time on continuing on with her secret little plan.

Either way we both get what we want and there’s no harm done.

#maree ff #short story #short reads #fiction #Freestyle Writing #black writers

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meganshinsou-tm · 5 years ago

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Are you not entertained? 😅

I mean if that’s what y’all really want I could just go completely silent on this blog and be a literal robot.

I wouldn’t post anymore updates on my progress on fics/etc, nothing about future fics or random ideas.

I could just completely shut down any humanity on this blog, not talk to anyone anymore, share things going on in my life, no more Zelda and Link, no more random hc’s or theories.

I’ll just strictly post writing content and make this blog bland as fuck if that’ll please you. If I did that then maybe I should start a Patreon or something for my main fics going forward.

I’m not going to be bullied into doing something that I see as a hobby and a way to fill my time, to get my creativity out and share with the world. I put literal tears, energy and many sleepless hours into my work - all for free. If people are going to see me as just a machine and expect only writing then there’s no fun in that. I’ll be real, I’ve thought plenty of times of just quitting. Because I have fallen behind and I feel like people would be happy if I just stopped so they could move on to better creators. But it’s not on purpose. You guys have no idea how writing is on my mind 24/7, how far behind I am, what I need to write next, how I need to plan out this scene, where this story is going, future ideas, random crackhead ideas. I’m not purposefully just twiddling my thumbs and making you wait.

I HAVE A LIFE. I truly live to please all of you and want to fulfill each and every wish but I’m only one person and I have so much going on right now. You can’t see it but I do.

However if you don’t care and you’re only here for content then I’ll please everyone and become a machine and post strictly content. I don’t know what else to do. I see other creators who are able to post as they please, whether it’s updating fics regularly or putting them on pause to focus on something else to keep from burning out and it’s totally okay for them to do that but for some reasons that’s not okay for me? I’m just ranting.

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sickofyouandyourcormanobullshit · 6 years ago

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It’s Time

I’ve been debating with myself this question: If it were me, and one of my favorite blogs just stopped updating for no reason, would I prefer they make a whole giant post about why they’ve left or just have them fade off into the night? I still don’t really know what the right answer for that is, but I figured that, y’know, it is about time I put the final nail in the coffin and closure is nice, actually.

So, yes. I’ve decided to put this blog on indefinite hiatus.

No, I am not deleting this blog or the YouTube channel. Ever. No matter what happens, just the existence of this blog is very important to me. Even when it stops being posted to, just having the archive there for everyone to have is a fandom necessity. In fact, I’m still looking for websites to back up this blog in case Tumblr goes t*ts up (making sure there isn’t any female presenting nipples, of course).

But, this has been a long time coming, I feel. And for that, I’m sorry. I’ve tried everything I could to keep this going for as long as I possibly could, but there’s just nothing left in me now that wants to keep this blog active.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all. I’ve been at this since 2014 (Fucking! FIVE years!) and my time here could not have been better. You all treated me with so much kindness and respect, putting your upmost faith in me to archive and update as efficiently as possible. When I started, I couldn’t have ever predicted this blog becoming a fandom staple, that it would eventually become the backbone of a community that desperately needed a platform and a voice for their hobbies. I know that when I look back at these times, I’ll always feel happiness that I had the chance to give people this opportunity at all.

If you’re interested to know the nitty gritty about why I came to this decision, it’ll be below the cut. It’ll be a bit (a lot) more negative than what’s been said until now, so if you just want to end this on a happy note, than I’ll be happy to see you off. Goodbye!

Okay, so. I’ve got a couple major reasons why this has come to be.

1.) My personal life is in shambles. For those who may be reading this that were/are active on the Discord server, you may have noticed that I’ve also straight up disappeared from there as well. This is because a lot (A loooooot) of things have gone awry in my life and they’re kinda tw worthy so I won’t divulge too much detail in this regard! Just know that life as an adult is hard as heck and I’ve kinda run short on time to be able to handle the amount of responsibility that this blog/channel requires! I’m an adult in college that only has spare time to look at Twitter fleetingly and then go back to looking at internships and build my social media presence as a professional! All I have time for is work, work, and more work! Ah! (Also I generally have just come to really feel anxious when it comes to even opening Discord/Tumblr so I’ve just gone to avoiding them all together. I couldn’t feel more shitty about this development than I already do).

2.) I’ve lost interest in this fandom. This one is so hard to admit because I’ve kinda been denying it for a reeeeal long time, but, uh, yeah. I’m someone who’s in a fandom for the long haul. There are fandoms that I’m in that I’ve been a part of for over 10 years, with content being minimal. So, this absolutely has nothing to do with the inactivity really, because I was honestly real content with just having my bubble of Discord friends and have that be my fandom experience. It’s just, uh....

3.) I really hate PewDiePie. I really, really, do. I absolutely detest everything that this man has become, what he stands for, and the fanbase he has accumulated. I know he’s on the internet’s general good side right now so this could cause a bit of flak to come my way, but god damn. He was the first YouTuber that I ever truly fell in love with when I first watched his Facade videos back in 2012. Today, in 2019, I unsubscribed from his channel. (Yeah, I know, big whoop. First world problems. Cry me a river liberal). But, generally, I’ve become really frustrated with him and his viewpoints. I hated that, just because I had an attachment to him and what his channel has done for me over the years, I was able to give excuses for all the bullshit he’s done. If it were literally anyone else, I would have never given them so many free passes. At some point, I just asked myself if it was worth it to keep being so hypocritical to the values I hold in such high regard and keep myself watching his content even though it deeply infuriated me, just for the nostalgia and good times that he provided me once upon a time. It sounds so unnecessarily dramatic when he’s just a YouTuber who I don’t know personally, but this essentially boils down to “Okay, I don’t have time to keep putting up with this constant source of negativity in my life, when I could so easily just cut it off and spend time doing something that is more valuable to me”. So, yup. That’s where I’m at with that. I’m basically turning away from all PewDiePie related content. Y’all can keep watching him though, but don’t think I don’t side eye you when you’re a leftist who gets mad at other content creators but keeps turning a blind eye to Mr. Felix.

That said...

I love Cry. I still love Cry. I feel like I will always love Cry. I will support him as best I can because he is so deserving of all love in this world. I don’t know anyone who is as self-sacrificing and generous as he is, so this is your reminder to catch up on his content if you’ve been kind of putting it off lately lol.

Of course, all of this is subject to change. These problems are all so temporary: Maybe, one day, in three thousand years time, I’ve got so much free time I don’t know what to do with it, PDC fandom starts thriving, and PewDiePie stops being a piece of shit. That’s why I hesitate to claim this blog is Dead 4ever. There might come a time where I come back! So, indefinite hiatus it is.

And, really, that’s all I have to say for now. Send me an ask, tell me I suck for being an SJW or whatever, or we can cry together. I don’t know. I won’t be back on Discord anymore, though.

Goodbye!

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drunklander · 6 years ago

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Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 401

Oh hey, y’all. We’re back for another season of that show we keep watching in hopes it’ll get back to its season one glory Outlander! Since I’m incapable of keeping my Opinions to myself and have no filter after a few drinks, I’m gonna do drunk recaps that no one asked for or wants again this year. Because why not. So buckle up, randos, because under the cut you will find nothing of substance, zero insights and absolutely no analysis!

Before I dive into the stream of consciousness, quasi-incoherent beat-by-beat nonsense, I just want to say that I overall liked this episode. I definitely enjoyed it more from the comfort of my own couch than in the theater with thousands of screaming sycophants at NYCC. It definitely had me singing along to the Federalist Papers part of Non Stop all day though. A series of scenes, tangentially related, introducing the Colonies to the public. Some are obviously just there to just set up the plot of the season or like check a residual box from last season. But some are solid world-building and character moments. And, because it’s Outlander, some are like *side eye*.

But I’m for real excited for the first half of this season! The second half of Drums is a dumpster fire (fucking Rogergate...) and it seems like the show is going to stick pretty close to the book, so I’m going to try my hardest to not let preemptive feelings about that nonsense cloud potential enjoyment of the first bit. Because dammit, I love me some domestic!Frasers. So yeah, happy end of hiatus, y’all!

Ok I don’t want to start off on a downer note, but jfc. I get what they were going for with the 2000 B.C. stone circle stuff, but omg no. I don’t care if certain indigenous peoples really did make stone circles and dance around them as the sun rose. I know they’re trying to show the universality of circles and these time portal thingies or whatever, but by making the parallel with the druids at Craigh na Dun, it’s basically being like “Oh hey! These Native American folks from *checks notes* North America are just like the white folks we’ve been hanging with for the last three seasons!” It came off to me like erasing the unique cultures of the diverse peoples of North America in favor of framing them as a generic group of “natives” who do the white people stone dance. And in a season that’s going to deal heavily with multiple tribes, this really isn’t giving me much confidence in how they’re going to handle the rest of the Native American characters.

I’m really hoping someone else will articulate that better than I did. Because I feel like I’m not communicating well what my actual issue with the sequence was.

Petition to make Jamie wear a hat at all times to hide his horrible bangs.

Gavin Hayes has to be being hanged for literally the dumbest crime ever. But he seems pretty chill about it so...

Ok I never liked book!Bonnet as a character (like obvi he’s a terrible person so I was never going to like him as a person, but I was always annoyed that he was still around rather than appreciating him as a villain), but even from that presumptuous “yeah can I snag some rum too, bruh” in the jail, I’m like solidly on board with show!Bonnet.

Jamie tried to save Hayes, but you see Hayes straight up killed a guy. Sure it was in self-defense, but, y’know, ye olde times and he did kill the dude. Sooo...

I want to feel for Lesley, I really do, but I’ve never actually given a shit or been given a good reason to give a shit about Rupert and Angus 3.0 so, sorry for your loss?

Unpopular opinion alert (should be the standard disclaimer on all of my #hottakes) but I really don’t care for the new theme music. Every time they change it, I find myself wanting the OG season one music back with just the images updated.

The bald eagle for the title card just gives me such mixed feelings that have nothing to do with the show. Like here’s a symbol of my country and it *should* invoke good feelings, but *gestures at the current political climate* every national symbol at the moment feels tainted by the growing white nationalist movement that’s being spurred on by the current administration.

Time for some post hanging brewskis. We are here to mourn Gavin Hayes. Who died only so the new villain could be introduced. Let us bow our heads.

Marsali and Fergus win the prize for least subtle “can we be excused to go bang” ever. Rock on, Fersali.

I fucking LOVE that they changed the tavern scene so everyone sings with them like they know what’s going on rather than how in the book it was like them making fun of the red coats as part of Gavin’s song and then Fergus passed around a hat for coins. But by having everyone in the tavern in on what’s going down and earnestly participating, it establishes that 20+ years after the failed Rising, after the Clearances, after everything the Scots went through at the hands of the English, they were not truly defeated. They may have moved across an ocean, but they are still Scottish and they still practice their traditions and dammit I’m having feelings about those resilient motherfuckers.

The scene with Jamie and Ian is very well done and I’m SO glad they included it because they did in fact include his rape last year, but fuck the show for including that rape in the first place. A very similar version of this scene could have been done without the rape, there’s enough trauma involved in being kidnapped, taken across the ocean, held hostage by a batshit lady and knowing that everyone else she kidnapped ended up dead for one 16 year old kid. With Jamie’s rape we got two episodes of trauma and four of recovery. With Mary, Fergus and Ian, we get three child rapes that could have all been avoided (especially Ian’s, but the plot points that come from Mary’s and Fergus’ could have definitely come about without them actually being raped), and they all just got one brief scene to express their trauma and then everything’s hunky dory again. (We know they’re going to include Bree’s rape, also fuck them very much for that, it’s completely unnecessary, and I’m guessing we’ll spend some time with her on her recovery. But that’s a rant for when we get there...)

For real though, Jamie parroting Claire as he comforts Ian is super sweet, but it makes me skeptically nervous for how he’ll react to Bree’s. Since in the book, it’s...not great.

Stephen Bonnet is so delightfully smarmy. Also, how fucking naive is our main squad now all of a sudden that they don’t realize from the jump what a sociopath he is? C’mon, y’all. Like I know Jamie came close to being hanged or whatever, but literally everything about this dude screams that he’s bad news. He is not subtle in his I’m a straight up unapologetic and charismatic good guy criminal. And like, he’s a friend of Gavin? Come the fuck on, squad. HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT HE IS FULL OF SHIT. *gets Det. JJ Bittenbinder on the horn*

For real though, dodgy accent aside, I fucking love Ed Speleers in this role. Why the fuck do they have to include the rape. Can’t he just be a bastard without being a rapist? Why must you make me rage, show. I just want to enjoy a decent villain.

Jamie and Claire are doing their best Jean Ralphio and Mona Lisa Saperstein trying to talk their way through this checkpoint.

“You’ve never parted with the ring from the first?” Yeah, I don’t get it either, Bonnet my dude. I don’t get it either. #FuckFrank

Bonnet talking about circles fascinating him makes me think he’d do well in a group of stoners having what they think are philosophical conversations at 3:00 a.m. “But like guys, have you ever like thought about...the rhombus?”

For real though, him being real with Claire about this drowning stuff makes him an infinitely more interesting villain than Black Jack ever was. Black Jack was kind of a crap villain tbh. He was horrible and did horrible things, yes, but like that was it. He was just horrible. Bonnet’s like oh I’ll charm you, be real with you and then fuck you up in the course of one episode and not give any of it a second thought because I have not a single fuck to give about anyone but me. I’m just out here living my best life, sorry not sorry. *puts on shades, drops mic, walks away*

For real though, his “be wary of thieves and outlaws” line might as well have been “it’s me, I’m talking about me.” And these dorks don’t even pick up on it. GUYS YOU ARE KILLING ME, YOU DIDN’T USED TO BE THIS SHITTY AT JUDGING SOMEONE’S CHARACTER.

I’m guessing this is the official christening-their-new-continent-bang because it’s too cold to do River Sex™ in Scotland. But I’m looking forward to getting the rest of Ch. 16 once they get to the Ridge. (We all saw those strawberries in the promo...)

The book lines still feel shoehorned in rather than organic to the show, but not as much as 95% of A. Malcolm felt. So I guess I need to just accept that the writers are going to keep doing this and I just need to stop expecting them to actually do their jobs and adapt for the adaptation...

For real though, I know Spotify doesn’t exist yet but jfc Jamie and Claire’s secksi time playlist literally just has this one song and guys, there’s a whole world of songs for smushing out there. My man Doug Judy would be glad to broaden your horizons.

Claire’s I just had sex smile as she looks out over the valley made me literalol.

Cool that we get woke!Jamie saying that the American Dream is a nightmare for the Native Americans after Claire’s Americana 101 speech, but this is a woman who lived in wicked racist 1960s Boston. She knows that things aren’t nice and rosy in America in the 18th *or* 20th centuries. Her speech makes me hate S3 a little more for focusing on Frank’s manpain instead of Claire and her and Joe’s time in the hospital, where the show could have explored gender and race in the 20th century to set up a contrast for how things will be this season in the 18th. Claire went through enough shit last time she was in the past, and so far this time, to know that the past isn’t idyllic. She knows enough about US history and 20th century America to know this mythical origin story she’s spouting is nothing but a fairy tale. I get why she might cling to that ideal, this is the first time in her life she might get to settle down and build a home with the person she actually wants to build a home with, but her whitewashing history like this strikes me as a way too naive for her.

The green screen as they stare out at that very much not actually there valley is killinggg me.

Ok for real though, this cut from them in the Uncanny Valley to the room getting ready for dinner is the most jarring of the episode. Like, I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is just a series of independent scenes rather than an actual, cohesive whole, but jfc. Who actually is Lillington, how do you know him? Nope? No info? Not important? Just need to get it out there that you have jewels so the last scene in the episode can happen so the ring can be taken so the rape can occur? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Ok so show!Claire makes me sad with being insecure/self-depreciating about her appearance. Like with saying brown is a dull color when Jamie calls her mo nighean donn the first time and when she asks Joe if she’s sexually attractive and when she dyes her hair before going back through the stones and now with the mutton dressed as lamb thing. (Claire, girl, how are you that up on Colonial fashion that you know what’s “age appropriate” already? Wouldn’t think there was much fashion gossip along the road from Georgia to North Carolina, but whatevs.) I know three of these four things are straight from the book, but in the show it hits me differently. Book!Claire is kind of a bitch when it comes to looks. Her parting words in her letter to Bree were “try not to get fat.” She like judged the crap out of that rando lady in Edinburgh before she went to the print shop just to make sure she didn’t look too old. So when she has these aforementioned moments, they land differently. Now I’m not saying I want show!Claire to be like book!Claire, quite the opposite. I’m glad they cut that other stuff. But now whenever show!Claire has a moment of self-consciousness, all I want to do is be like woman, you are a fucking smokeshow. Fuck the patriarchy for making you feel like you aren’t stunning exactly as you are. #LadyBonerForBeauchamp

Oh Governor Exposition. How nice of you to join our merry band of randos for dinner!

Man, I’d love to be so rich that I can pull a Baron and casually just happen to have 100 pounds on hand to buy a giant ruby at a random dinner party.

John Grey, who was shunted from shit post to shit post, totes is special enough to get Scotland’s Valjean to England’s Javert cleared. I mean, obvi.

Oh hey, Jamie remembers he has a daughter! Showed more emotion in that scene about how America would become her country than in the scene with the photos. Fuck Sam et al. for the disaster of a performance choice in ep. 306, don’t @ me.

OH HAI ROLLO I LOVE YOU YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD DOGGO I WANT TO SNUGGLE YOU WHO’S A GOOD BOY YOU ARE

“I dinna ken. But she’ll be saying it in Scotland, won’t she?” I do love Young Ian a lot. I know that’s in the book. But dammit I love John Bell in this part a crapton.

Casually lol’ing that they crossed the ocean because Ian was taken and now that they have him, they’re just going to send him alone off to sea again.

The first time I saw the episode, when Lesley gave his “my place is at your side” speech I was like crap, we’re going to be stuck with this guy aren’t we. BUT WE’RE NOT! (I am a terrible person.)

Fergus and Marsali are totes going to be the new Jenny and Ian, aren’t they? The characters who just show up once or twice a season when the core squad needs something and that’s it? Because they get tossed aside in the books like that. That makes me super sad (and I hope I’m wrong) because of how they changed show!Fergus and show!Claire’s relationship from the book that we won’t get to see more of them together. Le sigh. I hope they at least let Bree have a scene where she meets Fergus and learns she has a brother. Especially if she’s not going to go to Lallybroch to meet the Murray squad because Jenny isn’t in this season. Part of what I loved about the Lallybroch part in the book was Bree realizing that she wasn’t just gaining a father but a whole extended family. I hope they kind of transfer that over to her meeting Fergus and Young Ian in the place of [insert Murray kids who let’s be honest we really don’t care about here].

Hey remember that time Jamie was wicked opposed to Fergus and Marsali getting married for literally no reason? That was fun. But yay for Germain!

Holy motherfucking green screen, Batman. Please can we get to the woods soon? Or some other location where it’s not this fucking jarring?

Claire America-is-the-land-of-milk-and-honey Fraser suddenly is overly-on-the-nose indignant about slavery. Cool. Cool cool cool. Again, you know what would have been cool? Seeing her with her best and only friend in the 1960s more last season because he was a Black man. If they had let Joe be a fully formed character, navigating racist af Boston as a doctor, rather than just being Claire’s sounding board and martini maker, we could have seen how Claire being exposed to his reality shaped her views on race in America. But nope, that would have taken air time away from Frank’s manpain. (Seriously, my recent re-watch only highlighted just how much they screwed over Claire’s character last season.)

I’ve always loved that Jamie gives Claire the medical box. It’s just such a simple way to demonstrate that he *gets* Claire. (*side-eyes a certain other husband who patently did not*)

Jamie’s bangs are an affront to anyone with hair. Someone please give that man his hat back!

“This ring is all I need.” Aaand that’s when we all knew that Jamie’s ring would be the one stolen.

“Not for a single day.” Uh, *casually points at the episode in season three when she retcons her entire life in Boston to be not as bad as it was because Jamie’s been such an asshat to her*.

Ok. Holy shit this final scene. I love everything about this final scene. Except the song. This show is not subtle. It’s never been subtle. But holy shit, playing the iconic Ray Charles version of America the Beautiful at the end of an episode called America the Beautiful to be like welcome to ‘Murrica, fuckos, is like even less subtle than they usually go. I 1000% LOVE the choice to cut the audio from the end of the fight scene and just have the visuals, it just would have worked much better if they’d scored with with a regular instrumental piece.

Gah, Bonnet is such a smarmy motherfucker! The nose wipe before he coldcocks Jamie is just perf.

Claire’s face in this entire scene, holy fucking shit. *throws all the awards at Balfe*

And then Lesley dies and I’m a terrible person because I’m happy we don’t need to be stuck with him all season. But holy shit Bonnet when he pauses right before he cuts his throat and then kills him, I love show!Bonnet so much more than I ever gave a shit about book!Bonnet.

And honestly, Claire’s face when he’s killed right in front of her. *throws more awards at Balfe*

GUYS I FEEL MORE EMOTION ABOUT CLAIRE TAKING OFF JAMIE’S RING THAN I DID ABOUT CLAIRE LEAVING BREE BEHIND TO GO BACK THROUGH THE STONES HOW IS BALFE SO GOOD AT MAKING ME FEEL FEELINGS

I’m so fucking glad they changed which ring gets taken. There was an interview where they were like “oh we did it because it has to be visually distinct so Bree can get raped!” and I’m like a) fuck you for including that and b) right decision, wrong reason. This is the right reason for the change.

But even as I say that they made the right call in which ring to have stolen, it’s still a fact that they fucking chose to have one stolen at all. The writers and production team decided that Brianna needed to be raped so a ring must be stolen. Because Diana never wrote a character she didn’t want raped and the Outlander producers never read a rape scene they didn’t want to include. Fuck them all very much for that.

Fuck Them Very Much for That, the title of my memoir.

Oh god her face right at the end when she sees that it’s fucking Fred’s ring she’s left with and not Jamie’s fucking murders me.

*THROWS AN ENTIRE TROPHY STORE AT BALFE*

#*#drunj!der yells about outlander #outlander starz #outlander 4x01

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littlemulattokitten · 6 years ago

Text

Dating App Conundrums

Alright so I’ve been planning to do this for a while, and may make a thing out of it just to chronicle the adventure from single to hopefully not, but who knows.

Basically I decided to research a few dating apps and try them out, since I’m the type of person who’s content to stay home, but also only likes going out with a friend or small group (not alone) - therefore my chances of meeting people are probably in the negatives without dating services like the ones I’m currently on.

This post will probably end up being both a review of some of these apps as well as a master shitpost detailing the adventures of a straight female attempting to find a straight male to date online. And I know Tumblr well enough that at least half the people who read this will have yet another reason to be proud of their not straight orientation. Because good fucking lord the nonsense I’ve seen.

Storytime begins below the cut. This isn’t going to be short. That’s your warning. It will probably be funny at some points though. It’s funny to live it, at least. And I may break it into parts, Idk yet.

Let’s get a few things out of the way first.

Until this experiment, I’d never used dating apps ever. I knew of them. Hated them on principle (dislike them even more now, but we’ll get into that later) and wanted nothing to do with them. I knew a few people who were happily married to a Match.com or OKCupid match but aside from that – I’d never even downloaded Tinder like everyone else I knew in HS and college.

I haven’t actually dated anyone since my first semester of college. On purpose. I broke off my engagement to my elementary school sweetheart (thankfully we are still good friends and our friendship recovered from that near disaster) and I just wanted to focus on myself for a while.

The small handful of relationships I have had that lasted longer than 6 months taught me a lot about what I want in my ideal mate. The one or two less-than-6-months-barely-relationships I had in high school taught me A LOT about what I will never put up with from people.

My “type” isn’t reflective of my dating history. I’ve gotten to the point with these apps where I’m combining their shallow-indorsing metrics with my own personal preferences. Basically going through an aesthetic checklist then scanning through their profile to see if the actual person is equally pretty.

Spoiler, I have to swipe left A LOT.

I’m a very particular person. I’m very introverted and I hate when someone makes conversation harder than it has to be. I can hold a conversation. I just refuse to be the only one putting effort into it. (This makes more sense later)

I’m beyond fed up with dating app culture but my perfect or close enough to perfect guy has gotta exist so most of my accounts will remain I fucking guess.

I’m not necessarily looking for Mr. Forever. I’ll gladly keep him if I find him, but I’m also not looking for a relationship that I know will be temporary. I don’t do things by halves. I want something solid, whether it lasts forever or not depends on a lot of things.

I CAN’T EMOTIONALLY MULTITASK. I can really only give one person my full interest and attention at a time, which doesn’t bode well for these apps bc you gotta be able to bounce form one to the next no matter how excited you were about someone. These apps fucking suck.

Okay. Now let’s begin properly.

I started with Bumble. Yes. I know. Introverted female starting on a dating app that requires her to make the first move. That can’t go badly right.

I damn near have a panic attack every time I get a match I stg. Anyway.

I was skeptical at first. I’m not huge on people knowing a lot about me from the outset (or I wasn’t - i give so much less of a fuck now bc it makes almost no difference on these things) so my profile was pretty threadbare and cold. Now, a few weeks later, my profile is an efficient snapshot with a splash of Slytherin “Don’t fucking test me.”

Did I mention I’m an INTJ Scorpio? Yeah my entire approach is gonna scream that and my Hogwarts house, just you wait.

Round 1 ~ Bumble 🐝🍯

Okay so Bumble is interesting. For those who don’t know, it’s basically Beehive-Themed Tinder except for heterosexual couples, the lady has to initiate conversation. (Either party in a same sex match can message first) She has 24 hours from the point where her and a fella have “matched” to do so, then he has 24 hours to respond and seal the match – ending the time limits.

Bumble also gives you a rough estimate of how far away someone is sometimes. I’ve read articles about how bumble’s location estimate feature has ruined relationships forged through bumble and generally turned women into paranoid psychos over matches. Can. Fucking. Confirm. It’s the most annoying thing ever. Why?

Android vs Apple. That’s literally why.

The way Bumble’s location service is supposed to work is that everytime you open the app, it updates your location based on your phone or computer’s location. As far as I can tell, that’s exactly how it works on my android phone.

Apple users. Y’all are a problem. Not because I give a shit about your iPhone, I don’t give a shit do you ffs, but IOS location permissions can allow apps to update your location without the app being open.

Reread that for me.

Without. The app. Being. Open.

Which basically means if you match checks your profile, they can tell whether you’re where you were when they swiped right (say, 26 miles away) versus, oh idfk, a whole state or two away.

Real specific example I know. Why? Because I ended up unmatching a guy I REALLY wanted to get to know better because of it.

Though, to be fair, guys are really lax about how they behave on these apps in my opinion, which is a bigger problem than the stupid IOS setting.

Allow me to explain.

Dating App Etiquette

It barely exists, but it should. Here’s the thing. On these apps, you basically swipe right on a pretty face and left on one you’re not interested in waking up to in the morning or sitting on. I’m only being half funny here. I’m convinced people use dating apps more for hookups than their intended purpose. Which, whatever, but for fuck’s sake make BumbleHookup. There’s BumbleDating, DumbleFriends, and BumbleNetwork or whatever. Just make BumbleDTF so we can filter these people out already.

BACK TO THE SINFULLY ATTRACTIVE AND INTERESTING DUDE I UNMATCHED

I’m still kinda peeved about this. In part at myself, but also just in general.

Most people seem to treat Bumble like Tinder. They don’t fill out their profile hardly at all. Have less than 3 pictures, have pictures that make it unclear who’s profile it is, or – my least favorite thing that is almost 100% regional – THEY REALLY FUCKING THINK A PICTURE OF THEM IN SUNGLASSES HOLDING A FUCKING FISH THEY JUST CAUGHT IS ATTRACTIVE. IT IS NOT. THAT’S NOT WHAT THE PICTURES ARE FOR. JUST SAY YOU LIKE TO FISH IN YOUR FUCKING PROFILE BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT ONE MORE MOTHER FUCKING FISH-

I’ve seen a lot of fish in the last few weeks. Like. So many that I’m basically auto swiping left if someone’s profile has less than 4 pictures and one or more contains a stupid fucking fish.

LOOK AT MY FUCKING USERNAME. LITTLEMULATTOKITTEN. IF A SELF-IDENTIFYING CAT TRAPPED IN A HUMANS BODY SAYS THERE’S TOO MANY FUCKING FISH – THERE ARE TOO MANY MOTHER FUCKING FISH.

I can guarantee this won’t be my last fish rant. You don’t understand how many fucking fish I’ve seen.

BUT THIS GUY DIDN’T HAVE ANY FISH IN HIS PROFILE.

So he already had my fucking attention. He was also startlingly handsome – not in a oh you exist off puss and nothing else there’s no other way someone as pretty as you with a penis could exist – but like “Oh. I’d…really like to look at that forever and sit on it if you’ll let me please.”

NOT ONLY DID I FIND HIM THAT ATTRACTIVE BUT HE SWIPED RIGHT ON ME TOO AND READ ENOUGH OF MY PROFILE TO ASK ME A QUESTION FROM THE LOWER HALF OF IT.

I was freaking the fuck out excited.

And frankly the odds of him seeing this are so fucking low that I’ll go ahead and tell you some specifics about the short convo we had, but nothing that could lead anyone back to him obviously.

He’d lived in my home state. First thing he asked was which city I was from. Then he guessed, claiming that guess was based off a beanie I was wearing in my second to last (I think) image available on my profile.

He’d lived in my home CITY. Which means he was familiar with the CULTURE. And would probably GET ME MORE THAN MOST GUYS IN MY AREA.

He worked in an industry/field I knew about and had almost gone into myself.

He was so fucking attractive. I have yet to come across someone who checked ever preliminary shallow box on my want list.

Biceps. Listen. We’re all a little shallow. Biceps do to me what ass and tiddy do to some guys. It’s one of the few really fucking strong visual things I have, followed by dark hair and blue eyes. But he was something of a gym rat, for sure, and I’d gladly torture myself at the gym if that man was going to be in my line of sight at all during the process.

Seriously. I’ve never seen someone who didn’t look like they had to be famous or an alien that made me go “He’s so pretty I want to cry.” EVER. I WANT TO CRY THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT MATCHED ANYMORE.

And last but not least – like almost every fucking match I’ve ever made, I could count his replies on one hand before he went radio silent.

So, how does this relate to that location issue, you may ask.

Because I didn’t fucking know that Bumble could update your location on some devices without you opening the app.

There’s no online/activity indicator for Bumble except their location updating. Which, when you’re really excited to get to know someone and they suddenly vanish, but they’re more likely than not still online, you might start to feel like you’ve been put on hold.

Life stuff, yes, makes sense, I get it. But these apps have push notifications (which can be buggy) and if you’ve matched with someone, odds are you’re interested enough to check back on occasion (unless you aren’t). So it quickly became a worry game.

Because, like I said, I can’t just say “I’m excited about you, but I’ll keep browsing”. I don’t work that way. Unless I’m not excited about someone, then yeah I’ll keep scatter-shotting. But if I’m not excited to get to know someone why the fuck would I swipe right.

Anyway. After a few days of silence, I was disappointed and getting bitter and the few proverbial bones I’d thrown him had gone unanswered. I knew I was overthinking it and letting my own insecurities get to me a bit, but at the end of the day, there’s a few general courtesies that should exist in online dating culture that don’t.

Why people are afraid or hesitant to say they’re too busy to respond much in their profiles is beyond me. Some guys have the right idea announcing that they’re bad at checking the app and offering their snapchat or telling matches to ask for it.

But even if you’re testing the waters with another match, we’re all on this app for the same fucking reason. Say so. I’m not the kind of person who will need to, because I don’t operate that way on these apps, but I would. Because if that person is really bothered by you finding out if you’re more compatible with someone you matched with prior to them, that tells you something about them.

Would I have been disappointed if that had been the case with this guy? Yeah, kinda. I probably would have felt like his second choice at best, even if he’d come back to chatting with me. But that’s how these fucking apps are designed. Buckle up or unmatch. Fuck your emotions and self-esteem.

I unmatched for my sanity, because that happened a few days into this whole experiment and I wasn’t on any other sites yet. I wasn’t really prepared to deal with this whole thing yet and I didn’t know what to expect. I felt like shit and decided that if he showed up in my feed again, maybe I’d super swipe him (paid extra special right swipe that tells them you REALLY like their face and whatever) but I still don’t know what I’ll do if he does.

Lowkey hoping it was all a misunderstanding and whatever but like, not at all holding out for that because what are the fucking odds.

And again, my disappointment stems mostly from the fact that I was really excited to get to know him. The idea of finding someone on this stupid app in less than a week who wasn’t forcing his fish pictures in my face, would absolutely be the type of person to encourage my own wellness goals, and who was obviously smart because of his career path, was such an exciting thought. If we’d hit it off and gotten along really well, I’d have been so many levels of shocked and overwhelmingly happy that I just don’t know what I’d do.

When someone who looks like they’re 100% your type actually reads your profile and swipes right – you get excited. I was really excited. I’m still a little sad/disappointed, but I’m basically over it.

Other Misc. Things I’ve Learned On Bumble and other Dating Apps As a Relationship Seeking User

Take every profile with a grain of salt unless it’s so blatantly straightforward. And then still toss a pinch in.

The pretty pretty pretty buff boys who look like their players but their profiles claim they want a relationship? Odds are still players. They will try to convince you there’s 10 inches in their pants. They clearly aren’t smart enough to know that’s biologically uncomfortable for females and the best way to end up in the emergency room with a ruined cervix so don’t even swipe right. They’ll just ask for nudes.

People who use dating sites have some odd, hive mind fixation with The Office.

“Jim looking for his Pam” is in most profiles. I’m not sure why. References to The Office or mentions of The Office are about as common as all the stupid fucking fish.

I live in the wrong part of the country to find guys I’m actually going to share interests with. Just wait until I tell you about my experience so far on OK Cupid. I literally won’t find anyone where I live unless they’re from somewhere culturally similar to where I was born and are willing to move back with me. Because I am not fucking staying in the land of the god damn fish forever.

Most people don’t look at religion and politics like I do. Which is “You do you, I’ll do me, we won’t talk about it and we can peacefully do each other.” I don’t fucking care if your politics contradict mine if that’s the only thing we have not in common. Just make it a blacklisted subject and don’t let one frankly insignificant difference of opinion ruin an entire relationship or potential relationship. And same with religion. I’m not even a little religious. I don’t care if my future husband is unless it’s in my face constantly, he tries to “convert me”, get me to go to church with him, or some other blatant disrespect of my own religious standing. You worship whatever you want. I’ll right fanfiction about magic demon princes fucking their human-born demon queen every which way to Sunday. If religion is that big of a fucking deal for you, be upfront about it. Most people are in their bios. Either way, I’m really fucking sick of people who put too much weight into these two things like they actually decide how compatible you are with someone unless you let them.

I fucking hate fish.

Dating apps need more filters and ways to narrow down searches. 90% of the filters already present are shallow as all hell. What’s a few more.

Primarily let me filter out a few NAMES. This sounds super picky, but I have a really big family. 7 uncles. Over 20 cousins including the few cousins of mine who have kids. There’s a few names that would just be weird and awkward for me to associate with a significant other. If I could filter out my stepdad’s first name (which is disgustingly common but still), my biological father’s name, and a few of my uncle’s names, that’d be fucking swell. You already let me filter by religion and race. Let me filter out some fucking names damnit.

And there have to be people who have traumatic associations with names too like?????

The Office is a funny, good show and all but WHY IS EVERYONE ON THESE APPS FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT THE WAY I’M OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER. I’VE SEEN IT. IT’S NOT **THAT** FUCKING FUNNY. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

YOU HOLDING A DEAD FISH ISN’T FUCKING ATTRACTIVE SIR. THIS ISN’T THE SHAPE OF WATER. SHOW ME YOUR FACE NOT YOUR FISH.

The dating apps that are probably actually worth using all require a paid subscription.

There’s no real way to advertise that you find sex and physical intimacy very important in a relationship without making yourself sound like a cock-thirsty whore. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, you do you, but I’m looking for someone to be a slut FOR, I’m not one already and I dislike not being able to be upfront about that without being profiled or attracting fuckboys.

WHY CAN I NOT FILTER OUT PROFILES THAT CONTAIN IMAGES OF FISH

STOP WITH THE FUCKING FISH COUNTRY BOYS. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMEONE TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR TACKLEBOX? AND DON’T TELL ME THAT’S THE SAME THING, MY FAMILY IS COUNTRY. IT AIN’T THE SAME FUCKING THING. ALL THAT FISH TELLS ME IS THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING.

Judging by the few fish-fucks with their profiles filled out at all – they’re compensating for personality.

With how shallow the filters on these sites are, just go ahead and fucking add eye color, hair, etc. Seriously. If you’re gonna let me be shallow enough to only pick men of a certain ethnicity, and religion, you may as fucking well let me see if I can find a guy with blue eyes, biceps, dark hair, non religious, who doesn’t want kids without reading every fucking profile I come across.

There are way more guys on these sites who want or think they want children some day. This baffles me. But then again my primary reason for not wanting children is pregnancy and giving birth which wouldn’t be their problem so of course they want them.

I just need to auto left-swipe if I see a fish. These apps are shallow anyway. Do not make a fucking fishing joke just because I said shallow.

OK Cupid has a better matching system than Bumble and such, but it’s still irritating as all hell. You can’t choose question categories that are more important. So if I see a 91% match, but he has no sex questions filled out or our sexual compatibility is like…50%...that’s not REALLY a 91% match for me. Let me mark 2 or 3 question categories as priority for fucks sake.

The bulk of guys on these apps fall into 2 categories (for me anyway) – Not enough giveadamn to explain their presence on the site & thank u, next.

Online dating is disappointing as fuck.

I’m seriously going to lose my mind if I can’t get away from the fucking fish pictures. ENOUGH. I GET IT. I NEED TO MOVE.

Seriously – I. Need. To. Move. Back. Home. I am not meant for this part of the country. These good ole boys are meant for someone but it ain’t me and my family is fucking country. I’ve been fishing, ridden 4-wheelers, made shit out of wood for shits and giggles, helped my grandparents in the garden, eaten deer my grandfather or uncles hunted and prepared, helped chop wood, ridden in the bed of a truck, etc etc etc. But ya bitch has lifestyle goals that only include mud at scheduled times. We can go camping, but we should also go out to dinner sometimes and go clubbing or dancing other times.

I was not born with this ass to settle for a man who looks like an angel and acts like one too. Why is no one non-ironically blunt about their sexual preferences? You cannot convince me that the majority of men lack strong opinions on this subject. SERIOUSLY. IT IS 2019 NOT 1619. God DAMNIT. You’re on a DATING SITE. THAT’S AN ASPECT OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN MAKE OR BREAK THEM. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD.

It’s not even actually about sharing every interest. I don’t give a shit if he doesn’t like Harry Potter much. If he’s annoyed by the level I like it, yeah that’s an issue. Otherwise, be supportive and kind about that kinda shit. That’s all I’m asking for. That’s how I am in return.

I make shit with yarn, write off the wall fanfiction, have a lot of sexual interests I don’t usually broadcast, and don’t understand how dating sites are still this ineffective in 2019.

This is super long already so I’m gonna save the other apps for a separate installment if this one is enjoyed or whatever. Jesus. These apps, guys.

Apps I still need to talk about that probably won’t require this many words each – Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid (OkC might need a few thousand words).

I’ll probably look into some other niche dating sites too because at this point, what the fuck ever - I just wanna meet someone back home or willing to move back home with me who fits some reasonable criteria parameters. And I’m not even as picky as half the profiles I’ve seen, lemme tell ya. I’m just fucking opinionated. And beyond sick of this experiment already.

Sigh.

If I ever see a fish again it’ll be too soon. Bet the first profile picture on my bumble dash later will be another fucking fish though.

Those who expressed interest: @accio-echo | @infallibleangel | @aconitumluparia and those who liked are my followers so you’ll see it. This post is so long my browser is bugging out with tags or I’d tag you all too.

#kyla bitches about things #dating apps #the dating app experiment #Bumble #things dating app articles won't warn you about #dating app conundrums

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