#I’ll just upload my art on multiple places to be sure

[farcicalhelix]

tfw someone with zero rizz constantly tries to hit you up

[jhdyuiee]

Stars on my Scars

♢ pairing: Mark x Y/N ; forbidden love

♢ warnings/tags: smut!, angst, unprotected sex (pls pls pls stay protected), breakup sex (?!), kissing/making out, name calling (baby, good girl), oral (m & f receiving), cursing, multiple orgasams

♢ wc: 1.6k

♢ a.n: hello! happiest 127 day ya’ll!! it seems like mark became the popular choice so here it is yayie! i hope this ones a good one for u all && enjoy it as much as i did. its freaky-ness kekeke. good news though i currently have 4 drafts in my drafts (?) each of a different member, so pls look forward to those releases! school has been a pain in the ass lately so uploads may vary… anyways i hope u all have a lovely day! happy 127 my nctzen! i love u all, jiji out 🤍

The rain poured and poured; the rain fell and fell.

I looked up feeling as the droplets were falling onto me. The weather reflecting my life right now. I replayed the moments of a couple hours ago in my head.

-‘๑’-

“Hey mark?” I asked through the phone.

“Yeah, baby?” He replied.

“Can I go over to you? Or is it-“

“No, no yeah you can. Is something the matter?”

“Ah, well I just miss you,” I replied.

“I miss you too, baby. I’ll be waiting for you here then.”

I bid him goodbye and hung up the call. Today was the day. The day I’d leave him, at least try to. I love Mark with everything in me, but we can’t be together anymore. Our love is forbidden. It was never meant to last. Forever doesn’t exist for us.

I’d arrived in front of his door. I hesitated knocking, this would be the last time I’d come here. I knocked and heard a clicking sound, he’d unlocked the door.

“Hey baby don’t just stand there, come in,” he said, softly.

I walked into his apartment, soaking in everything one last time. The picture frames, art pieces, messy sofa, even the spiderman figure on his coffee table. I walked into his living room, Mark following right behind me.

I turned around facing him. He was a couple inches away from me, so I walked closer to him, centimeters away. I placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it. I wanted to cry, I could feel the tears threatening to spill down.

“What’s wrong Y/N?” he said in a concerned tone.

“I love you,” I said in a whisper. “I love you so much Mark, more than words can ever describe.”

He took both his hands, cupping my face gently. “I love you too baby, a lot more than you think I do.”

His words radiated such warmth, I didn’t wanna end this. Our story though was not a fairy tale.

I leaned in, my lips on his. Our kiss started off as something gentle filled with love, pure love. But then it deepened, filled with desire, desperation, lust.

We continued kissing until there was no oxygen for either of us. “You’re so beautiful Y/N,” Mark said, pecking my jaw. His kisses continued along my neck, jaw, and collarbones. In the meantime his hands worked on my shirt, trying to get that thing off of me. He pulled it over my head, his kisses continuing along the valley of my breast. “Jump,” he said, wrapping my legs around his waist. I could feel his erection against my clothed core.

He guided me to his bedroom, placing me on his bed gently. His hands working on my jeans. I was left in nothing but my underwear. “Take your clothes off too Mark.” He listened, his clothes slowly joining mine.

He came back to me with a kiss. It was filled with desire, I pretty darn sure my wetness was leaking through my underwear. His hands palmed my core causing me to moan into the kiss. His lips dragged along me going down and down.

“Already so wet from kissing?” he said, the nightlight illuminating the small smirk plastered across his face.

“Get up for me baby,” he said. I got up and waited for him to say more. “Take your bra off.” I obliged, tossing it somewhere in the room. His hands groped my breasts, the sensation sending electric shocks through me. I straddled his lap and his head came down to my breasts.

He stuck his tongue out, lapping it around my nipple. It felt so good as he flicked his tongue. My other breast was being pinched by his fingers until his mouth met that one as well. I moaned his name out over and over, “Mark, fuck.”

I felt as he bit my nipple, causing me to wince. I was practically riding him feeling his hard erection against my hot core. I was sure if I got up my wetness would be seen on his boxers.

“So needy baby,” said Mark against my breast. “Turn the other way for me.”

I did just as he said to, my back facing him. “Open your legs,” he whispered in my ear. I opened them a little wider, as his hand made it’s way towards my core, putting my underwear to the side.

“Fuck you’re soaking.”

He slid a finger into me, my back arching at the sensation. It was just one finger but oh god- another finger went in. He pumped his fingers in and out, “look at me baby.” I turned my head, his lips crashing to mine. “Got to get you nicely prepared to take my cock pretty girl,” he said, kissing my cheek and jaw.

“Ah- M-Mark I’m clo-close.”

“It’s okay baby, just let it out,” he said, bringing his thumb to my clit.

“Oh yes- fuck just like that Ma-Mark.”

He chuckled, “Go on cum.” Oh and I did, I came. My legs trembling, my chest heaving. “You did so well baby,” he said, pecking my temple.

I got up from his lap and kneeled down. I wanted him and I wanted him now. “Impatient baby?”

“Mm, I want you Mark. Please let me have you,” I said as I looked up at him.

He let out a curse before pulling his boxers down. His cock sprung out, angry and full of precum. “You look so pretty begging to have me, so here have it.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I wrapped my hand around his cock, licking his precum. I licked up his cock, wanting to tease him for a bit; wanting to savor this moment a while longer.

“Come on baby, stop the teasing,” he said deeply. He was growing impatient, I could hear it in his voice. In fact I was too, I wanted him in my mouth, so I took him in. Slowly, but then his hands gripped my hair. “You got this baby, just a little more deeper.”

Fuck. Mark was big and thick, my eyes were tearing up already. He pushed my head further down, groans leaving his throat. “You’re taking it so well like the good girl you are.”

Mark was always good at saying things whenever we got intimate. It turned me on even more. Once his cock was fully in, I started moving. Bobbing my head, moans coming out of both of us. “Eyes up baby.” I fluttered my eyes to him, his expressed; fucked out. He was enjoying this too.

He looked at me, “Don’t stop Y/N, it feels so good.” I kept going, his tip hitting the back of my throat. “Shit, just like that baby.” He was now controlling my movements, going faster. The tears streaming down my face. He wouldn’t stop groaning, I saw as he bit his bottom lip; he was close.

With a string of curses he finally came, I made sure to take all of his cum, not missing a single drop. “You did so good, baby,” he said, patting my head. I got up and smashed my lips against his, I was sure he could take his cum from my mouth.

“Put it in pretty girl,” he said, grabbing my hips.

I sunk down, feeling my pussy stretch. “Ah, Ma-Mark fuck…” I felt intoxicated, my head somewhere else.

“You’re still so tight huh,” he said, smacking my ass cheek.

I widened my eyes at his sudden action. “Yo-You’re just so bi-“ before I could finish my sentence he pushed me down, finally getting it all in.

His hands went back to my hips and his lips to my breast. “Come on, start moving baby.” Oh and I did, I felt so full. So euphoric. Oh how I love Mark. My trance was knocked out when he bit the side of my throat.

“What are you thinking about? You got right here baby,” he said, his voice deep.

“So-Sorry.”

He smirked, thrusting even more harshly. He was going faster and faster, no mercy.

“Slow down, please Mark! I’ll cum.”

“So cum baby, we got all night.” He slipped his thumb to my clit, abusing it. “Come on now, finish for me,” he whispered in my ear.

With a few more harsh thrusts I finally came. My second orgasm of the night. My back arching and mouth open. “So good,” I mumbled, earning a slight chuckle from Mark who was also close. His thrusts were getting sloppy.

“You gonna let me come inside?”

I nodded furiously, I was on the pill either way. If this truly was the last time I’d get to take his cum then so be it.

With that he came inside me, painting my walls white. Feeling even more full than before. We collapsed on the bed, trying to catch our breaths. His arms wrapped around mine, it felt so warm, I wished time would stop here.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he whispered, loud enough for me to hear.

He took me in his arms, going to the bathroom. By the time we left the bathroom, I had one or two more orgasms; still unable to keep our hands off each other. I fell asleep while in the bath tub, next thing I knew I woke up—it was 4am—his arms around me. Mark slept so peacefully, he was a beauty.

‘I have to leave, I have to leave now,’ I thought. So I carefully snuck out of his warm embrace and slipped my clothes back on. I walked to the bedroom door, stealing my final glance at the sleeping Mark. One tear, then two left my eyes.

“Goodbye Mark.”

-‘๑’-

That was hours ago, now the rain poured on me endlessly. Cars passed by and people with umbrellas. The world continued, but mine had stopped.

The stars on my scars have disappeared now and now those scars have become visible again.

Mark and I was a story with no beginning. Mark and I was a love story that was forbidden.

“You were never going to be mine.”

© jhdyuiee

2024.01.27

final a.n: I was scared to write for someone other than jaehyun tbh but I think it ended well! I hope u enjoy my first Mark fanfic && ill be back in the future with more!! as i previously said i have 4 works currently in my drafts so look forward to them! happiest 127 day nctzen’s ! i love u all && pls enjoy this fic - jiji 🤍

p.s- u guys know where i got my title idea from 🫢 ?!

[reanbowful]

Weak hero when someone they like does kyudo (Archery) and is the manger od the club (addition! is that they may or may not have a fun club they don't know about)

Hello and thank you for the request! Although, I’m not sure what a fun club is. I’m guessing it’s something like a fan club? (because that’s what I wrote in)

Also, I might’ve gotten a bit carried away writing the narratives for each character so it will just be 4 of them for this 😭 (I’ll try to keep them shorter next time!)

“wow that’s so cool”

if you do archery

(gray, ben, alex, eugene)

gray yeon / yeon sieun

Gray doesn’t have a lot of expression on his face. So might not show it, but when you told him you did archery he was intrigued.

“Kyudo?”

“Yep! It’s a Japanese martial arts form of archery.”

He would probably do an extensive research on the topic.

The next time you guys see each other, man is already a kyudo expert.

“Ashibumi, placing the footing. Dōzukuri, forming the body. Yugamae, readying the bow. Kyudo archers should draw their bows so that the drawing hand is held behind the ear. If done improperly, upon release the string may strike the archer's ear or side of their face.”

“Wow Gray~ Never thought you’d be so interested!”

Cue a blushing Gray.

“I had some free time.”

He won’t tell you this. But since your school is kinda like a sports school, they have this social media page where they would upload pictures and videos of their prominent students.

Curiosity has no bounds. So, when Gray clicked on the page and sees your face on multiple thumbnails of the videos that was uploaded, he proceeds to watch every single one of them.

His respect would grow for you with each videos that he watches.

He would smile to himself, watching as you draw your bow, when he saw a comment came up.

Y/N SUNBAENIM!! I LOVE YOU <3333333

At first, he was just slightly amused. But when he clicked on the profile of the commented, he can’t help but let out a small chuckle.

‘Supporting Y/N from X school’s kyudo team.’

Looks like he’s got a few competitions.

ben park / park humin

Ben will be your number one hype man.

Believe me when I say this, but if you tell him you are doing anything sports related. At every event. Every competition. Every examinations. He will be there.

It doesn’t matter if there’s a typhoon or a storm, or a flood. This man will make sure he shows up complete with a custom printed shirt of your name. And a hand decorated bulletin board with lights and all.

When you hit an accurate shot, he would cheer so loud that he got scolded by one of the staffs.

“Y/N!! PLEASE! ONE CHANCE Y/N!!”

“Shh!”

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

“That’s my girl by the way.”

“SHHH!”

Now, while he is your number one supporter, doesn’t mean that you don’t have a bunch of other people filling in the auditorium just to catch a glimpse of you.

In other words, you are pretty damn popular.

At first, he sees this as an absolute win.

You’re so talented and he’s soo happy people are appreciative over your abilities.

HOWEVER

He completely underestimated just how obsessed these “supporters” could be when it comes to you.

He didn’t think much of it when they first started. You were, after all, just another high school student like him.

Well, a star player and a national teams candidate.. but that’s besides the point!

It happened when he was getting some drinks by the vending machine when a few students from your school passed by him.

“Oh look, it’s that Eunjang boy.”

“Who? What’s someone from Eunjang even doing here?”

“Apparently he likes y/n or whatever. He keeps calling her his girl.”

“For real? Geez, what does she even see in him.”

“Who knows, maybe she’s just talking to him out of pity. I wish he would stop coming tho, he keeps yelling and distracting the players. Poor y/n honestly.”

Despite having a thick skin, Ben couldn’t help but feel self conscious. Was he really distracting you? What if you get in trouble because of him? He wouldn’t want that! No, but you would’ve told him if that was so. But, no! You’re way too nice for that..!

In his turmoil when he headed back to the auditorium, the school has concluded the competition and were in the middle of handing out awards.

Your eyes were scanning the crowd when Ben walks in. You instantly beamed and waved at him happily.

It was then that he decided, no matter what people say about him or the two of you. He will stay.

You were all that matters anyway.

alex go / go hyuntak

(this one is my personal favourite)

He was running errands for his mom, literally just got back from the store. In shorts and slides with groceries in his hand.

He saw that a new dojo just opened near his house, something about archery.

He could hear the sound of the arrows hitting the target with a thud whenever he passes by the place.

Alex never really had the chance to stop by since he was always in a hurry, but now that he sees it. The place looks fancy as hell.

Thud!

There goes the sound of arrows hitting the target again.

Alex looked around to see no one guarding the front door, so like any other genius, he lets himself in.

To the right, one of the practice rooms is open.

He peeked a look in.

The room has high ceilings and wooden flooring. To the front of the practice room was an open grassy area with circular targets.

Thud!

“Ahh.. that one was a bit lacking.”

It was literally like those kdrama shots when the guy saw their love interest for the first time realised the person they meet five seconds ago is the love of their life. That is Alex in that moment.

You had been practicing your shoots for an upcoming competition with another school.

Today is the friendly match day. Which explains why the practice room was open for public.

Though most of those that came would be from your opponent’s and your respective schools.

“Um, excuse me. Are you here to watch y/n?”

“Huh? What?”

The guy pointed at your figure, currently chuckling over missing the target to your friend.

“Are you here to watch Miss y/n? Because if you are, you need to be registered as a supporter for X school.”

“Oh! Oh, no, sorry. I was just passing by.”

“Do they always practice here, by the way? Do you- do you know?”

The man glanced suspiciously but shrugged.

“They practice regularly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. But since a competition is coming up, it’s everyday in the weekdays.”

Alex nodded with an “Ohh.”

Y/N..

He smiled to himself as he walk back home.

Everyday of the week, is it?

You might just found yourself a new supporter.

eugene gale / seo juntae

Eugene would be so starstruck!

He loves anything that isn’t school work, so that includes sports.

When you told him you were doing kyudo, he would adjust his glasses and lean in closer to you in order to hear more about it.

“Wait, so—it’s like archery but the bow is around two meters tall?!”

Like Gray, Eugene would search up more on the topic. It will be his new obsession for the rest of that week.

You would often find him murmuring to himself while taking notes, watching a professional examination or competition video.

Since you thought he was already in so deep anyway, you decided to bring him with you on one of your practice sessions.

As you lift your bow and release your shot perfectly, Eugene’s eyes would lit up.

All of the videos he watched pales in comparison to seeing the real thing.

Eugene hadn’t even realised he was spacing out yet when your figure approached him in his seat at the corner.

“So, am I as cool as those guys you watch on your phone all the time?”

“I- You were so cool!!”

“OF COURSE I AM! HAHA!”

(why does y/n feel like ben park lol)

“Anyways, I think I’m gonna grab a drink.”

The shuttle in him comes out.

“I’ll go get some for the both of us! What would you like?”

When he returned, he noticed a few younger girls wearing a slightly different uniform from you murmuring outside your practice room.

“Hi! Are you here to meet someone?”

The girls looked at each other and handed him a plastic bag full of snacks.

“Are you y/n’s manager? Can you give this to her for us?”

“Eh? Um.. I’m not her manager, but, I can give them to her for you.”

The girls beamed up and thanked him before leaving.

He guessed that he wasn’t the only one that got his heart struck by your charms.

[bea-trician]

Regarding a lot of upsetting things I’ve been hearing about Etsy;

To begin, I can’t ignore the reports I’ve been hearing about the company’s stance in support for is//rael and their practice of taking down listings that show support for Palestine or donate proceeds towards them. It stands in direct opposition of my personal political beliefs, which I have tried to make as clear as possible through the information and posts that I have boosted and shared on ALL my social media, not just here. What’s going on in Gaza is an open and deliberate campaign of genocide, and it’s sickening how long it’s been allowed to go on without any interference from the rest of the world. I want to do all I can to support the people of Palestine and keep calling for a permanent ceasefire.

I’ll admit, I didn’t really want to make my merch store on Etsy in the first place. I did so at the request of someone I know IRL who has been coaching me as I try to revive my art career. I’d been avoiding it due to details I’d heard through the Artist Grapevine about how unfair their policies are to the creators who try to make a living using their platform, and have now experienced firsthand the ridiculous premiums they charge for every single service they provide. The only reason my mentor advised me to set up a shop there was for networking purposes, and to make my items as easy to find as possible. At the time of making this post, my store hasn’t even been open for a month, but it’s taken up a huge portion of my daily life just to set it up and monitor it, and it has already been linked to all of my social media accounts. Now that I’ve sunk all this time into it, it seems like a depressing waste of time and energy to close the shop and have to start from the ground up on another platform. That, and I know for a fact that my mentor is keeping an eye on my progress and will expect me to keep it open, and I’m not sure how to explain my reasons to her if she sees me backing out.

Being on Etsy was far from my first choice for setting up an online merch shop. In the immediate future, I’ll be looking at other options. Most people I know use BigCartel, which I’ve heard good things about, and I do plan on creating more digital items to upload to my Gumroad store. As far as I know, neither of them have made any moves in support of is//rael, so if anyone is aware of related news that I haven’t heard about yet, feel free to let me know.

So far, I haven’t made many sales on etsy, and hopefully traffic will remain on the low side so it won’t be too big a transition to move my shop somewhere else. I don’t know the exact numbers, but I’ve definitely donated more to help Palestine than I’ve made off my etsy store since it opened back in January. Rest assured that I want to leave the platform as soon as I possibly can. In the meantime, however much money I make on my Etsy store, I will be matching or exceeding the amount in donations to pro-Palestine organizations.

I strongly discourage anyone from shopping on etsy, and if you do have interest in any of my merch items, I’m completely willing to sell them to you directly through DMs with payments over Venmo. I’m still making art, and I want to share it with you, without perpetrators of ethnic cleansing benefiting from it.

If you have no money but you DO have a minute, go to Arab.org and participate in the daily click. I’ve been returning to it every day, and the button can be clicked multiple times if you open it in different browsers or on different devices.

https://www.pcrf.net/

I’m going to do all I can to stand by my beliefs and correct this oversight.

Don’t look away. Share and amplify their voices. Call for peace and justice. Don’t stop talking about Palestine.

[sleep-deprivedracoon]

Tell it to my heart

Here's to the one with the scorching stare of love, blood, and vengeance. Eyes killer cold, blue and bare.

pairing: Gojo Satoru x f!reader AU - Mafia

warnings: angst, implied abuse, injuries, blood, alcohol, death, suicide, drug usage, addict, recovery, smut, gore,

Author’s note: This fanfiction is going to be a slow build story with an irregular upload scheme. I am not sure when I will be able to update. I might upload multiple chapters in a single week or not upload for a few weeks. It depends on what my daily schedule is and it is very dynamic. This story is for a mature audience and will have a lot of problematic themes. If this is triggering to you, please refrain from interacting with this story. The content warning is for the entire story and not just for this chapter. Again, I cannot emphasize enough, this is a slow burn story. In this story, you will find some changes in mannerisms among characters. Gojo Satoru will be smoking and drinking. Yuji and Sukuna will be 2 different people but are related by blood. The main reason is, I do not see Yuji being part of a Mafia unless he had no other choice. The cursed spirits will be human in appearance.

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of the end

The smell of ground coffee filled the air, as you heard the whirring of the mechanisms of the machine. Bustling conversations surrounded you. Your legs ache from standing for too long.

“That will be 6.50$ please.” Your lips curled into a smile as you looked at the elderly lady in front of you. Over the last year, you'd perfected the art of faking a smile. Working in a café helped you improve your people skills. You placed a muffin and a cup of coffee on the counter.

“Thank you, my dear. Keep the change.” She took her items with quivering hands. She was old after all. “Are you working late? The neighborhood is getting bad these days.” Her eyes were filled with concern.

“My shift ends at 5:00 pm.” You wipe your hands on a towel. You liked keeping your hands clean and dry. It was a habit that you developed over the years.

“Good. Thank you for the coffee and I’ll see you around!” She smiled at you as she headed towards the exit.

You wipe the counter and you get back to your duties. It has been a year and a half since you started working at the café. It wasn’t the job that you would ideally want to do but it paid and the owner was a nice person. It helped you get a steady income until you eventually graduate. You were 26 and still were pursuing a bachelor’s degree at a local university. Most of the people at your high school were already doing well in life and some of them even started a family. You started wondering if life would have been easier for you if you hadn’t tried to sabotage yourself throughout high school. You shook your head to clear your thoughts. This was not the time or the place to ruminate over your past. You donned your smile and prepared to finish your shift.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh my god. I thought the day would never end” Asami groaned as she took off her apron in the backroom.

“Hm… Yeah, it was a long day’’ You packed your apron and placed it in your locker. You retrieve your backpack and smile at your coworker. “Unfortunately it is going to be longer for me. I need to get to class.”

“I wouldn’t want to be you. I just want to go home, lie down, and watch something” She walked towards the door as you followed her. “Are you going to head to university right away? Or are you going to take a breather outside?” She winked at you.

“Will you join me?” You grinned.

“Of course” She locks her hands with yours and you head out the back door. You dig into your bag and pull out a joint. You had rolled this one just before you left your house for the day. You hand it to Asami to hold while you hunt for your lighter in the pocket.

“What strain is it?” Asami carefully examines the joint.

“Strawberry Haze” You switch your lighter on as she places the filter in her mouth. The flame lights the joint as Asami inhales. Puff Puff pass, that’s the unspoken rule that the two of you had. As you pass the joint among yourselves, you talk about different things.

“I have to go now” You press the stub against the wall and throw it in the trash.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow then. And y/n be careful when you get back home from university. The conflict over turfs is getting worse as per the news.”

“I know. I know. I’ll be careful. I promise” You turn around and head towards the bus stop. The bus approached the stop shortly after your arrival. You board the bus and try to find a spot to sit. It was unusually crowded and you saw a lot of families with packed luggage. She was right. Things were getting bad. Your neighborhood was usually uneventful. Sure there were crimes but off late, there was an unsettling vibe around your city. Your nation had a mafia problem but until a few weeks ago, most people assumed your city was safe. It had no value for any gangs to operate from. It made no sense to anyone. It was not by the sea, nor did it have an airport nor was it famous for any kind of business activity. The police and the government had not seen it coming, even if they did, most of the officials were corrupt anyway. They would not have been able to stop it. The Jujutsu Triad and the Shi no Kaiga were always at war with each other. The dirty mafia politics always made it to the headlines. Due to the Jujutsu triad’s interest in your city, the Shi no Kaiga were keen on gaining an upper hand over their rivals. The suburbs around the city recently had many reports of gun violence and a few citizens were caught in the crossfires. Every day, the territory of chaos seemed to be spreading and there seemed to be no clear victory among both factions. It was only a matter of time before one of the groups gained total control of this city.

While this bothered you a lot, you didn’t intend to stay in the city for long. Once you got a hold of your degree, you wanted to find a job outside the country and move. You craved for a fresh start where no one saw you as a failure. You put on your headphones and start playing music (Dark red by Steve lacy). You close your eyes and feel like you are floating with the music. The marijuana magic had gotten a hold of you. You felt like you could hear every beat, every strum, and the change of tempo of the music. You felt like you were swaying. In your imagination, you had performed a whole routine on this empty bus. It felt like time had slowed down just for you. An unexplainable warmth flowed through you. Your worries slowly crawled to the back of your mind, you enjoyed the feeling you were experiencing right now. After a few songs, you opened your eyes to change the music because it was a song that did not fit the mood you were in. You notice that you are close to your university and make your way to the front of the bus.

Once the bus stops, you get off the bus and head towards your classes. You switch your cellphone off as your economics professor had a strict no-phone policy. You take a seat at the back of the classroom and greet a few people that you had made acquaintance with. A few more weeks and you would graduate and you felt like you probably would never see them again.

Your class went on for a couple of hours with a few breaks in between. It was the final stretch of the lecture. Your Professor was teaching you about neoclassical and Keynesian Macro Models when a few men barged into your classroom. A sense of uneasiness washed over you. They did not pay attention to anyone in the classroom, they drew their guns and positioned themselves behind the windows. A man in a sharp white suit and blonde hair walked in. His hair was neatly combed and he had a leopard print tie that felt out of place. If it hadn’t been for the armed men that accompanied him, you would have thought he was a lawyer or an entrepreneur.

“Go home. All of you.‘ He announced.

“What is the meaning of this?” Your professor turned red with anger. “You cannot walk into my class and take command”

“Who I am does not concern you. Leave. This area is soon going to be filled with chaos and violence. This university is now under the triad territory” He looked around and titled his head towards the door. “We mean you no harm but you have to go now.”

“I will not let a place of education be desecrated by thugs. You should leave now and leave my students alone!”

“Listen, old man, I appreciate your conviction but unless you want your students or yourself caught in the crossfire in a power struggle amidst us and the Shi no Kaiga, you better do as you are told. I assure you the SnK will not be as courteous as I am. ” The man remained calm despite the nature of the warning.

You noticed visible panic around you as your classmates hurried to get out of the premises. You followed them. You had to get home soon. This was to happen sooner or later but you did not expect that it would happen this soon. You noticed people on the streets were rushing to get to a safe place. It felt like people were running away from monsters. There was a sense of urgency among everyone. You began to run towards home. It did not seem like you would find transportation in a situation like this. Your heart began to race. You couldn’t distinguish if it was because of your anxiety or because of your pace. It would take a good 30 minutes for you to reach home.

You kept a steady pace, but your mind was racing. You did not know if you would make it home safe. You could hear gunfire at a distance. In your mind, you hoped that it was fireworks or warning shots and hoped no innocent bystander was hurt. You weren’t a hero and you weren’t going to follow the sound of gunfire. ‘Stay away from trouble. Keep your head down, that’s what you told yourself over the past 6 years. You had experienced enough problems worth several lifetimes. You hear a woman’s scream from an alley ahead of you. You slow down and carefully walk by the alley, you try your best to not look at the alley. You did not want to be drawn into the mess there. Your heart ached for the woman who screamed but you had to survive. As you pass the alley, you see a body being set on fire, the smell of burning meat filling your nostrils. You wanted to gag but you kept moving forward. From your peripheral vision, you see a young man laughing psychotically. He had long white hair and was pale. His face had some marks that you could not identify. You assumed they were tattoos as it was common for gang members to have them. You start running at an accelerated pace. You did not want to catch this person’s attention. Something about his laugh was unsettling. You felt immense fear that you had rarely experienced. You kept running as your life depended on it.

You felt like your lungs and feet were about to give out. You didn’t know how long you could run for but you also were very afraid to look back to see if you were safe. The familiar sight of the grocery store that you lived above comforted you. You stop in front of the store while you gasp for air.

“‘Why are you still outside? Get inside. Haven’t you heard, we have a curfew for the next few days (Y/N)” A familiar voice scolded you.

“Yes,” You exhaled. “I am sorry, Mister Itadori. I just got back from college.” You enter the grocery store. You see that most of the store was empty. It felt like the store was robbed.

“Panic buyers! Ransacked my store for food, toilet paper, and everything. Nothing left.” The old man seemed sour.

“Is there nothing left?” Fuck!!! You thought to yourself. You had enough groceries for 2-3 days but you didn’t know if it would be enough.

“I have some food in the back for myself and I saved some for you as well” He led you to the back.

“Thank you, Mr. Itadori. I owe you a lot” You follow him to the back to find a teenage boy with pink hair counting.

“Gramps… We even sold those nasty oats that no one would buy. Looks like this curfew wasn’t bad for us after all.” He grinned adorably.

“Bah. Don’t be an idiot, Yuji. Who knows what troubles lie ahead because of these gangs.” The old man hands you a big bag filled with food.

“What is happening out there? One moment I am in class and the next moment, the Jujutsu triad kicks us out. The city is going crazy” You collect the bag.

“The city is the heart of the turf war now. The triad gained control of the suburbs and moved to the city, the SnK are not looking to give up so easily. It’s the final stretch to claim this city. The mayor announced a citywide curfew until the situation is under control.” The grandfather sits on a makeshift bench. “All I know is that things are about to change, regardless of who wins, this city is now under the control of the Mafia. You kids better be careful.” He coughed.

“Don’t worry, gramps. I will take care of you and myself.” Yuji smiled.

“And you, (Y/N), you better go up to your apartment from the inside staircase. If people see you with food out there, they are going to be ravenous. Yuji, can you open the staircase access for (Y/N)?”

“Sure thing! Follow me (Y/N)” the kid ran ahead of you.

“Slow down, Yuji. I have already done my cardio for the year.” You groan.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a week since the city went into lockdown because of the violence. One long week in which you felt trapped in your small studio apartment. The Itadori’s were a family friend of your mother’s. They were kind enough to rent this apartment to you for cheap after your mother passed away. You had been living here for 2 years now but never in those 2 years had you felt suffocated by the four walls that gave you comfort. You aimlessly scrolled through Instagram to spend your time. Through social media, you found that your college campus was vandalized. You did not feel anything. You barely had any sentiments attached to the place. Sure, you had acquaintances but nothing too permanent. After all, you wanted to graduate and leave this city for good. You made a mental note of who you think you would miss

Asami

Mr. Itadori

Yuji

Mr. Tanaka, the owner of the café you worked at.

……………???

Your list stopped at 4 people. You shrugged to yourself. It was good enough. A few years ago it would have just been your mom. But you had changed as a person. You’d grown and with that growth, your empathy also grew.

You get up from your bed and walk towards the kitchen counter. You grab a bowl of diced watermelon and head towards your couch. You sit on the couch and you look up news about the ongoing situation. Over the past couple of days, you had heard gunshots and sirens in your vicinity but you imagined that the situation was much worse in other parts of the city. You see that the triads were winning over the SnK but they predict that the situation will continue to be tense for the next couple of days. You looked up information about the triads. You figured that if they were going to be the ones controlling the city from the shadows, you might as well know about them to steer clear from trouble. You see that the triads had more to them than just being a mafia. The members were speculated to be from influential families namely - the Zenin family, The Kamo family, and the Gojo family. They had family members not only in the Mafia but also important positions in the government as well as owners of successful business empires. While they denied the allegations of being part of the Mafia to the press and tabloids, it was still evident that they had an integral role with the triads. It was speculated that the youngest of the Gojo clan or the male heir of the Zenin clan were the leaders of the gang but no one had ever seen them in public. “Makes sense why the cops are useless against them”, you mumbled.

You close your eyes to take another nap. You had lost count of how many naps you took to pass time. You also lost count of how many hours you spent streaming different content on various platforms. You just wished this would end and that you would get back to finishing your degree. You were just a month away from finishing your exams and now you weren’t sure how all of this would play out and when your education would resume. You hear your phone ringing. You open your eyes and see that Mr. Tanaka is calling you.

“Hello. How are you, Mr. Tanaka? I hope you and your family have been safe.”

“(Y/N), We’re good. We’re good. Been better but unharmed. How have you been? All okay?”

“Yes, yeah. Everything is okay.”

“Good. Good.”

You hear shuffling and there is an awkward pause.

“Um -” you initiate the conversation

“There is something I need to tell you, (Y/N)” you detect some nervousness in his voice.

“Me? Did I do something wrong?” You felt anxious. Sure, now and then you were rude to a few unruly customers but nothing too serious.

“No-No. It’s not just you. I need to tell all of you something. Um.” You hear him exhale. “I sold the café.”

“Okaaaay” You felt your heart sink. Does this mean you were out of a job?

“Yeah. With the current situation, I thought this would be the best decision for me and my family. With the money, we are going to be relocating to Singapore and start something there.”

You were silent. You didn’t know what to say. All you could think about was how everything was now filled with uncertainty and the path you chose was so close to coming to fruition but now everything seemed blurry. You didn’t like this feeling and you could feel your fight or flight response kicking in even though this situation seemed non-threatening. ‘If only I had something to calm me down right now.’

“(Y/N)?”

“Um. Yeah. Sorry. I was just processing it. Congratulations, Mr. Tanaka.” You force out a cheery response. You shook your head to get rid of the thought of being codependent on your previous vices. You were getting better. It took a lot of hard work to get to where you are and you did not want to go back into that slump.

“Now, the reason why I called you was to tell you about the café but also I feel bad about all of you. This was such short notice.”

What notice? You thought. But it was too late now. The café was sold and fighting with Mr. Tanaka did not seem fair. He was doing it for his family.

“I see. Well, thanks for letting me know Mr. Tanaka”

“Don’t think I have forgotten about you guys. I made a deal with the new owners.” He sounded proud of himself.

“What do you mean, Mr. Tanaka?”

“Well, they are going to be remodeling the space into something new. They said they wanted waiters and asked me if I could help them with it. I told them I would ask you guys. From what I know, the pay is double”

“What kind of a place would it be?” You frowned as you wondered what establishment would pay you so much for waiting tables.

“I don’t know the details yet but if you are interested, swing by the café next Monday. I will be there to clear my things out and someone from their side will be there to explain everything to interested candidates. What do you think, (Y/N)?”

“I will be there Mr. Tanaka, but what happens if I don’t take the gig?”

“Then you are free to leave and since it was such short notice, I will pay you for 2 months instead of the last 2 weeks”

“Alright. That sounds fair. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“See you, (Y/N)” He hangs up.

You rest your phone on the coffee table and you lie back on your couch. You wonder if taking up the new offer is going to be worth it. Something about it seemed off to you because of the payments. You decided that you will choose between the 2-month salary vs the new job on Monday when you meet Mr. Tanaka. You close your eyes again to rest your mind. You reprimand yourself for thinking about using hard drugs a few minutes ago. They weren’t supposed to be your fallback mechanism and you hadn’t thought about them in a long time. You blamed it on being cooped in your apartment for too long. It was messing with your head.

“Get it together (L/N).” You tell yourself. “We are going to get through this. There’s a possibility of a new opportunity…….or not. But you are a strong independent person. A strong independent person who can rely on weed.” You reach out to your box filled with greens. You crush a bit of weed and mix it with tobacco and roll the paper to form a joint. You light the end and press the filter against your lips. You inhale and you taste the smoke laced with marijuana. The smell and taste envelop your senses and provide you with comfort. You craved for a sense of security but for now, this comfort was enough to keep you going.

[hamstermastersamster]

Further to the new dA drama, it seems that shitty Dr34mUp has already done its training on a bunch of stolen art, so for dA to continue to promote it while giving us a little false-security checkbox is kinda the last straw for me.

Everybody’s work has probably already been fed into the artist-killing machine (or multiple of them), but the way dA handled this is gross and I’m done with it. So, PSA - I’m going to gut my gallery tomorrow. Not sure yet if it will be deactivated or just purged of all content, but either way, all the art there will be gone.

This isn’t a decision I take lightly. I came to deviantArt from fucking Elfwood which most of you whippersnappers will never have even heard of. I’ve been on dA for 16 years. I joined an OCT on there called Ebon Spire where I fell in love with making comics, which was a formative experience for me and put me in touch with many inspiring up-and-comic artists that I still follow and talk to today. It’s a big deal for me to kill this place off. It hurts.

The Ebon Spire stuff in particular, because that was a community work spread across multiple artist galleries, and I can foresee what content is left there getting ripped apart by this.

But nonetheless, it is time. Most of my modern stuff is probably already here on tumblr under my art tag or my tmnt sideblog, but if there’s anything you want to save to your hard drives or newfangled devices for personal viewing, I’d recommend doing it soon. I don’t know yet if I’ll find a suitable way to make my dA-only art available elsewhere. Old OC comics and so on . . . bit much to upload to tumblr. They belong in a gallery-style site, like dA, and unfortunately those have gone the way of the dodo.

[kuroos-moon]

『Hate’s Twin Called Love』

— request by anon whose initial ask i could no longer find 😫

❥ pairing: Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader 

❥ genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, denial  

❥ warning/s: language

❥ wc: 2.4k 

“I got here first,” you frown, narrowing your eyes as you placed a hand on the chair nearest to the window. 

“I placed my bag here, which means I got here earlier,” he casually replies, wondering why you won’t back down despite your height difference and his intimidating facade. 

Your frown deepens, and he does the same when neither of you give in. “I don’t care, I wanna sit here,” you say, your inner brat surfacing just because the way he glared at you ticked you off, so you stubbornly sit on the desk. 

“What a nuisance,” he grunts, sitting down on his chair as he rightfully should. 

Ever since then, you never passed up the opportunity to piss him off or give him even the slightest inconvenience of the day, devilish, you’re well aware. He’s the devil himself though, and only you could point that out. With him showing a sly grin your way when you lose a pen, only for him to proudly use it for you to see. 

“Hajime you asshole, give me back my pen,” you give him a death glare, and he innocently looks at you, acting confused. “I don’t have it, y/n.”

“Cut the bullshit, that’s my only one,” you grimace, irritated at the fact that of all the numerous pranks he could do on your never-ending war ever since highschool, he just had to steal your pen right before a test. 

“Don’t blame me when you’re the one who lost it,” he blinks, perfecting the art of acting clueless. “Give it back I don’t have another one!” You raise your voice, and he stops scribbling, looking at you in amusement. 

“What?” You huff, and he only chuckles under his breath, momentarily biting your pen to further irritate you. “I’ll fucking kick your ass after this,” you bite your tongue, wanting to scream at him if it weren’t for the many other students and a strict teacher here with you. 

And that’s just one of many encounters with the sly seemingly-mature ace who knew just how to annoy you like it were his second nature, but deep down, your day’s never complete without the usual sarcastic banters or the subtle mouthing of ‘fuck you’ or ‘whatcha looking at’ between classes, that’s why you sit bored in class for a few days when they’re excused for practice. 

Your happiness literally comes from seeing him so mad that he’s speechless as he sees you’ve uploaded an embarrassing baby picture source: oikawa or as he realizes you’re the one who’s been giving away his number. 

For him, you’re the exact same, you’re the devil’s spawn. Trotting along so casually as if you were an angel, only for the disguise to fall off the moment you open your mouth, profanity after profanity especially when you were talking to him. It wasn’t long before your string of curses was music to his ears and the highlight of his day, taking pleasure in having you yell at him, or in especially irritating occurrences, you’re throwing things at him. 

It just so happens when you’re casually sitting in the corner of the room, minding your own business as you listen to music. “Y/N-CHAAN!” You look up to see Toru, out of breath as he leant on the doorway of your classroom . “Iwa-chan’s talking with some girl, come look,” he grins, and just like that, your eyes twinkle with excitement. 

Time to to get back at him for that ruined test, you smirk to yourself, the clueless Iwaizumi standing at the end of the stairwell as he flirts with the poor girl who didn’t know at all how much of an asshole he was. 

“Babe!” You exclaim, the fakest and widest smile on your lips as you throw yourself at him, loving how he cringed away from you the moment you wrap your arms around his torso. “What the fu-

“I missed you, shall I come over tonight?” You gush at him, locking your hold on him with intertwined fingers as he tried to push you off without actually using too much force to hurt you. “Cut it out, you little shit,” he mumbles to your ear as he stills, waiting for you to unwrap yourself from him. 

“Who’s this Iwa-chan? Is she a friend?” You say enthusiastically, the deadly aura he gave off only making you want to piss him off more. “Iwaizumi is she your girlfriend? I thought you hated each other,” she raises a brow and you smile, looking up at Iwa. 

“That’s just our love language though, isn’t it babe?” 

He has had enough. It’s been days since you’ve bantered, the only interaction the past few days were the failed attempts to trip each other in the halls, but he wasn’t in class the whole week. Some part of him thought that he was relieved in your absence, but lately he’s been feeling empty. 

“Iwaizumi?” The blonde girls huffs, crossing her arms against her chest. 

“Iwa-chan, doesn’t she know how much you love me?” You pout, squeezing his bicep which you really hadn’t realize was this rock hard until now. It was the look of annoyance and pure hatred that made you smirk for only him to see, but you thought wrong. 

He wasn’t mad because you interrupted his romantic stairwell rendezvous, nor was he mad that you literally show up out of nowhere, being this close to him. He was irritated because you thought you were winning, you thought you were pissing him off; but joke’s on you, he actually found himself amused by this whole ordeal. 

“Babe let’s just go, you’re not cheating on me are you?” You add fuel to what you thought was a burning flame, thinking you had succeeded on ruining his day. 

“How ridiculous, you know I only have eyes for you,” he leans down, a teasing and excruciating mere inch between your faces, the side of his lips curving upwards so subtly you’re not sure it’s really there. Your eyes widen, and his grin grows as he could practically feel you stop breathing. 

He watches you storm off, knowing fully well he was victorious for this round. 

Iwaizumi - 1 

Y/n - 0 (Loser) 

The game against Seijoh and some other school was over, and like every other game, you got first-row seats, it was the one and only time wherein you actually admire Hajime (admittedly). You stood outside, waiting for your friends to finish gushing over Oikawa and you look up questioningly when you see pairs of shoes on the ground. 

“Uhm, do you guys want something?” You ask, confused, somehow feeling ganged up on with three girls surrounding you. 

“We’ll cut to the chase, stay away from Hajime,” she spitefully says, and you snort the moment you hear his name. 

“You don’t even have to beg me for it,” you say and they furrow their brows. “You’re acting so coy! Pretending to be some goofy girl who tries to piss him off only to get to spend more time with him!” 

You sigh, “I’d kill to have him away from me for as long as possible, what are you guys even on about?” 

“Just stay away from him y/n l/n, he’s mine.” Cue another chuckle from you, “yours? I question your taste but Hajime doesn’t belong to you,” you sweetly smile, not knowing where the sudden irritation came from. 

Seriously, how could she say he was hers when he probably doesn’t even know her name like the stupid non-caring jerk he is, but you somehow thank him for it, somehow relieved that he could barely name a girl in your class that wasn’t you. 

“What do you know?!” She seethes, about to land a palm right across your cheek but it doesn’t come, instead, she stood petrified as she meets Iwaizumi’s gaze, securely standing behind you as he firmly grasped her wrist.  

“That’s quite enough,” he glares, the girl immediately withdrawing her hand. “What are you here for?” You bitterly ask, the previous encounter in the stairwell still having your hate meter for him past its max. 

“Y/n-baaaaka, where’re those killer moves of yours that almost have me injured all the damn time,” he says, his lips tugging downwards as he looked at you, and you stiffen under his touch when he rests his elbow on your shoulder. Now looking at the girls, “You’re quite the troublesome bird-brained bunch, pathetic too. You better not come anywhere near us again,” he grunts, a dull ring to it in fact; but his usual voice was also usually intimidating, hence the effortless success of scaring away the girls for good. 

You scoff, “what’s with the sudden chivalry?” 

He raises a brow at you before a scowl forms at his lips, “shouldn’t you thank me?” 

“What? For coming to my rescue? How charming, nothing less to expect from our ace,” you huff, turning around to walk away. You know how much he disliked you, so why was he being kind? Why do you a favor and rest his elbow on your shoulder and act like friends, maybe lovers— you recall the position you were in last time, you clinging to his arm while he leaned in, face painfully close to yours. 

“Did you really mean that? You’d kill to have me away from you,” he chuckles, “what strong emotion,” and you halt, turning around to look at his expression which resembled the masking of hurt. “You were listening?” You ask, but he merely walks towards you.

“Thought I’d hear some sort of love confession,” he stops a foot away from you, “but that was fucking disappointing.” You’re beyond confused at this point, why in the world would he expect a confession out of you? YOU of all people, you’re enemies, same sides of a pole that simply will and never attract. 

“What would you have wanted me confess?” You narrow your eyes at him; your pathetic attempt to be defensive when in reality your walls were all crashing down, and he’d be free to walk in and capture you his; vulnerable and genuine, free from your lies and forced obliviousness. 

“I’m exhausted,” he says, leaving you stupefied when he holds your chin between his thumb and index, warm from having spiked the ball multiple times as the ace from the game earlier on. “I don’t give a fuck, just keep your fucking hands off of me Iwaizumi,” you glare, making him grin. 

“You swear a lot with that pretty mouth of yours,” he presses on you more, knowing this would either be a hit or miss. A hit for when you crumble and give in to him, spilling the truth about how you truly felt which he has long figured, because he can’t be the only one who felt this way, no? 

The miss wouldn’t be much of a miss though, he’d still love it if you exploded, punching him or something but at the same time postponing your long overdue truthful conversations because you convinced yourself too much that love and hate were separated by a thick line, which was far from how it actually was. 

“I hate you,” you spat, but he can’t see any hatred in your eyes at all. “Does that mean you don’t want me?” He taunts, his lips inching closer and closer to yours. You only find yourself looking down, unable to breathe at the suffocating feeling of having your emotions come out all at once. 

love or hate, which was it? The latter. No, it couldn’t be, you wouldn’t be finding yourself getting lost in his eyes if you did truthfully despise him. Then, was it the former? Perhaps... Maybe... Probably explaining why you were going to say it, “if you don’t kiss me right now, Hajime, I will.” 

Bingo, he wins, it was a hit. 

In one swift motion, he locks lips with you, your hands coming to rest on his broad shoulders as he tilts his head sidewards to deepen the kiss, not wanting to spare an inch of your mouth. It was the perfect kiss, one to show your yearning for the other through questionable means such as inconveniencing the other’s life, and one to express the raw passion of love that without a doubt made every bit of you ecstatic. 

“Oya, Oya, what’s this?” Oikawa’s annoying voice reaches his ears, Iwaizumi pulls away with one last peck on your lips. “I’ll fucking kill you,” he mutters under his breath, Toru flinching before letting out a nervous chuckle. “Uh, well then, I’ll leave you two to it,” he grins, waving at you before running off. 

“So you’ve had a crush on me all along, huh,” you smirk at him, his ears turning red as he looks at you. You snicker, poking at him teasingly as he covers his face with his hand. 

“Don’t push me,” he finally says, and you let out another laugh, of course you’re going to push his buttons, “eh, so what are we now, babe? I don’t think I like you at all, honey, that was charity.” 

“Charity?” He muses, grabbing your wrist to whisper closely in your ear, you gasp, his breath against your skin leaving you flustered. “If anything, all I did was fan service.” HE HAD YOU ALL FLUSTERED AND SPEECHLESS AND FOR WHAT? 

You push him away, irritation making you want to breathe fire, “FAN SERVICE?” You exclaim, wearing the deepest frown he had seen on you making him laugh. 

“Kidding, kidding,” he nonchalantly says, and you scowl, “I hate you.” 

“If you hate me so much then why not go out with me?” He says, all seriousness in his tone.

“What?” You blink, that was sudden.

“You should date me, cling to me, piss the fuck off other girls who try to get in between, and make sure I see your face everyday, that would ultimately make me miserable, and you hate me so much that you want that, don’t you?” He finishes, hands in his pockets as he looked straight at you. 

This time, he actually feared how this would turn out. He had revealed his cards already, there’s no going back to normal after this, things could only go from being strangers or to being lovers. 

“Sure, let’s date. Give me the luxury to annoy you everyday, and you better not break up with me for it,” you smile, and he chuckles, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“Then don’t break up with me if I make you mad like ten times a day,” a soft subtle smile plays at his lips while you both walk hand in hand together outside the building, the sunset striking so beautifully at the two of you but you didn’t have much time to admire it as you were kept preoccupied with each other’s conversations. 

_____________________

General Taglist [Open]: @noyasbitchh 

[patchies]

Shadows

Pairing: Dream x Reader x ???

Summary: An apocalyptic world where creatures of the night roam all around it. Searching for living beings to satisfy their hunger. Vicious creatures they are. It’s said that one person called upon their wrath in revenge. You awake in this place with another human being at your side. No memories whatsoever of the life you’ve had prior to coming here. In search of a way out, and your memories, you stumble upon multiple people with many personalities. Some can’t wait to meet you. If you take it the friendly or hostile way is up to you, but worry not… Nothing can hurt you. Or can it, now?

Warnings: none that I can think of

Word Count: 2.8+k

Author's note: hi, hi, hi! I bring you a new chapter after what... 1 and a half months of not uploading anything? My apologies are probably not enough, but I have been working on chapters, I promise! And, drum roll, please, I might have some art in store for this series. It isn't done, yet, but I'm trying to work on it, guys!

Wattpad link: here

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Chapter 4: Forming Friendship

As the sun starts off the next day, you and Nick depart from your home in search of more resources. He throws in a suggestion that you should spread out, so you could cover more ground, and you agree- not like you have anything else to do for the meantime. Unless you want to be stuck at home playing some card games Nick had found while searching for the paint buckets.

You search the places south, just outside the town. All the buildings look the same to your wondering eyes, nothing valuable piquing your interest that much, so you rather opt for wandering further. Through the greenery until a clearing reveals itself before you.

A beautiful and elegant meadow stretches across the horizon. As if a page was torn from a fairy-tale book, and rightfully so. The only thing missing is a royal castle or fairies' houses. Pollen flies in the air and swirls around you enchantingly and a surge of calmness goes through your being. An accommodation in your body along with the feeling of delight.

The nature has truly taken over most of the world.

It's not like you can complain, really. Colours, textures and elements flow with each other in a beautiful harmony, creating an almost painting-like picture that you can marvel at.

Deep down, you were always a fan of the quietness Mother nature has offered you at times in need. Whenever you felt down, really.

You slightly remember how it helped you with your anxiety, shyness and depression when you used to be socially awkward and unwilling to do something about it. It felt peaceful compared to the continuous pressure many people used to put on you. Not many people were harsh on you, but your social battery could take so much until all you were ready to do was just lie down, put on a playlist of your favourite songs and chill. They denied your want to be left alone when the only thing you needed was space and your own time. Their faces are now blurry images of faces you once used to know, but you don't know if you'll ever get back to your life or how long it might take.

I should throw away my pessimistic thoughts…

That was a part of the old you, though. You'd like to think that you're better now, but your pessimism has stayed with you nonetheless. It's about time you started working on it and who knows? You might get to form plenty friendships here who will be willing to help you.

With a shake of your messy hair, you focus back to the beauty in front of you, pushing the vines away and walking towards the flowery meadow.

Yellow grains contrast gorgeously with the sparse greenery the field has to offer here and there.

You bent down and pluck one of the many Dahlias near your feet, putting the pistil close to your nose.

Sniff, sniff, sniff

The flower alone doesn't smell alluring or sweet, like anything. The stem and leaves, on another note, smell bitter with a slight flowery undertone. It strikes a sense of serenity in you as you inspect the innocent white petals be carried away from you by the wind, flying off to the clear sky to join the fine powdery substance.

You let go of the stem and watch it be snatched, following its trace until it falls between the loads of flowers.

Just then, a gentler breeze begins and takes a handful of leaves of the ground, aiming just below a small hill to your left as if it had a mind of its own. You realize that it might actually do as it points you to a lone building sitting at the base, overflown with the finest flora you've ever faced.

A mere bookshop from what you can see from the distance. The walls are built from brick and it still seems in a decent shape, except the nature, but that gives it a special charm. A great place to get away from all this chaotic and death-threating events for even a while.

You carefully move through the grass and blossoms, trekking your way up to it.

• • •

Meanwhile, somewhere far away from you, a deer curiously, yet cautiously, examines you from a cliffside looking over the whole meadow. Its doe eyes flick from you to a small fawn by its side.

It huffs, shakes its head and turns, departing into the forest.

• • •

The inside is wondrous, despite your expectations of it being completely trashed.

Bookshelves line the walls and are all filed with all styles of literature. Slightly used, torn and unkept. It gives you an idea how no one surely visits this place. The place looks great, so it doesn't make much sense to you. You cannot help but be a little happy over the fact at that despite the telling signs of its abandonment.

Your hand automatically lifts up to slide over the spines of the books, keeping your touch light as you advance further inside. The rough, yet extremely soothing, texture extracts a small smile from you and you close your eyes. You begin dragging your other appendage across the parallel shelf until a thud makes you shoot your eyes open in alert, whipping your head behind you, but finding nothing out of ordinary.

With your now unsure footsteps, you slowly walk to the end of the aisle in front of you, peeking around the corner.

You catch sight of a short boy sitting in front of a shelf, or rather a stand, with comic books. He's sat down near the middle where the wooden stand is, flipping through each comic with haste.

A messy brown nest of hair sits atop his head while a flower crown with some scarce plastic bees thrown in reasts atop and a long green scarf messily wrapped around his neck. It strangely compliments his look that is styled with green, golden and black and despite the apocalyptic surroundings and lack of proper resources, you're surprised he's styled it very prettily.

A black stylish coat with golden accents is thrown on the floor near him along with his messenger bag, its contents peeking out. Especially the thick book with a pack of pencils. You wonder what the book contains, but maybe you'll get a chance to see it sometime.

You cautiously and carefully lean against a counter near you, observing the young boy as he shuffles through numerous comics. He huffs out a long sigh, throwing another book aside. It comes tumbling down back to him due to the amount he has already piled on top of each other. His nimble fingers pick up another one, swiping through it with precision.

He mumbles something quietly, softly putting the comic onto another pile beside him that is neat compared to the other one.

This demeanour continues for a long minute, basically choosing a book in a ratio that one is kept and twelve are thrown away. He never seems too happy with his decision, frowning at some in sadness despite having to give up on them. You don't understand why he doesn't put them onto the obvious piles of his favourites, but you stand in your place.

Having enough of watching, you whistle too loudly to get his attention.

Only to see the guy jump up in the air and slip on a paper he has previously abandoned on the ground. He pointlessly flails his arms around until his elbow hits the ground first, followed by his hip and the rest of his body.

You wince.

As if caught in the headlights, he spins his head to you. The previously left out paper now present on his head. You see confusion, fear and surprise fight against who will persevere on his face, so you lower your shoulders back down and give him an awkward smile, “Uh, sorry?”

He unsurely stumbles to his feet and dusts his clothes off, tightening the scarf around his neck with tense movement. His eyes widen and he makes a quick, though awkward, show of pulling out a stick?

He fumbles around with it for a bit before it extends into a normal looking sword, posing heroically, “I'll- uh, stab you! Yeah! I'll use this sword to stab you.”

You quirk an eyebrow at his choice of words, and at the adorable stutter he did, “Do you even know how to wield a sword?”

“Of course, I do! Wait- do I? No, no, no, you're just trying to make me look silly. I do know-”

Cue an uncoordinated swing of the sharpened weapon at his own leg, but at least his reaction time seems to be fast and he slides his foot out of harm's way just in time. One he created, and he watches as the sword penetrates the wooden boards and he struggles to pull it out.

His action makes you doubt his abilities further and a you can't help the small giggle that escapes you, raising your arms in mock defence when he sends you a defensive glare, “You- you cannot be serious. Quit the child's play, I'm not here to hurt you.”

He stays quiet, still pulling on the handle of the sword with unfortunate outcomes. It slips out of his fists multiple times and he sighs before flopping down onto the floor, defeated, “I guess I really don't know.”

You choose not to retort any sassy comeback to his gloomy self, rather analysing his figure and approaching the weapon. Arms still held above your head to show you don't plan on attacking, your features soft, “Mind me getting the weapon for you? I won't use it against you, I promise.”

“Go ahead,” he gives you an absent wave of his hand and only stares as you grip the handle.

At first, you tug and nothing happens, so you try holding it at a specific place and are delighted when you feel a small button press against your palm, giving it one more tug along with a squeeze of the switch.

An imaginary lightbulb blinks above his head as he sees the sword retract from the ground and you're left gripping the stick in your hand, “See? It isn't as hard, is it now?”

“I admit, you're right,” he accepts the handle from your outstretched hand, storing it into his hoodie pocket.

No wonder you didn't notice it before. He's had it hidden there and he had to have pulled it out when you whistled. Although you personally wouldn't own a weapon like that, it probably comes in handy for situations like these. You aren't sure if it'd be beneficial in an actual fight against a stronger and better crafted weapon, though.

A switchblade would do a better job, surely. From what you've seen, they're a lighter object, more portable and friendlier to beginners. Might even suit his style of fighting better, even if you haven't seen it in action yet, to be truthful, “I do believe I'm right.”

“I would beat you if I had my hatchet!”

You chuckle, “Well, we can always engage in hand-to-hand combat, if you're that confident in getting me. Why use weapons?”

His eyes widen and all his courage dissipates, waving his hands crazily and shaking his head, “When you say it like that, I'll pass you on that offer, thank you. Why didn't you attack me, by the way? Oh, and also, I'm Tubbo, since we seem to be okay with each other.”

Refraining from telling him your name back, you swing your arm at his head and watch him yelp, shut his eyes and flinch from you in humorous satisfaction. You stop it inches from his face, lowering it and stepping away from him, “You should've seen your face, Mr. Tubbo. I'd say we are okay, but I had to pull that on you and to answer your question of my peace towards you… You just seemed harmless.”

He stands up and looks at you in feign anger, jabbing an accusing finger into your chest “You're so cruel, what? I can't trust you now.”

Tubbo crosses his arms, turning away from you. You turn away from him and spot his collection of comics. His previous actions coming to the forefront of your mind, “Hey, why were you browsing through so many comics?”

“I was looking for something,” he shrugs, walking past you and picking up quite a big amount of comic books. He catches the incredulous glance you give the items in his hands and nods his head at them, “They aren't for me.”

“You looked quite sad when you couldn't grab one for yourself, why can't you?”

He's surprised you picked up on that, but he just shrugs, “I would. If my bag allowed me to carry so much at once and I just want to surprise my friends.”

You give a small 'aww', making his ears flush pink and cower away, “I could help you carry them. Where is your camp?”

“I don't think I should be revealing that to strangers, but I've never been the smartest with decisions and I'm sure you'd notice either way,” Tubbo stuffs the books inside his bag, barely closing it, “I could just act like I abducted you.”

“Won't that be suspicious? You actually seem like a person who's too nice to do that.”

The bee boy lightly grins at that while putting his coat on, throwing the messenger bag on his shoulder, “I'm bad at acting, too, so they'd surely notice.”

“Are any of them keeping guard on this place, by the way?”

“No,” his answer is straight-forward, without any hesitation, “It might be very shocking, but none of my friends know about this place. Although I visit quite often than not. It gets quite harsh out there, y'know?”

You hum, choosing to drop the subject and return back to an airier topic, “Which ones do you like?”

Tubbo's quick to light up at the change, dropping to his knees and shuffling through the messy mountain of comics once again. He carelessly throws ten of them at you in happiness and leaves you grasping them to your chest. You laugh at his enthusiasm, reading off few of the titles and shaking your head as he keeps on searching for more.

This was probably a crazy idea, but whatever. Tubbo seems like an adorable person to be around.

Not long after you get ready to leave, keeping the conversation loose and it's almost effortless how you get along. The themes get intertwined between you with ease, pointing to some aspects around you if you want to make a point.

He is a strange guy to get a hold of, but you can say that you like how easy-going talking is with him. The male has visibly suffered some of his own stuff, but he still has this bubbly personality around him that you can't wrap your mind around. Though, you enjoy that little perk he has.

At one point, you lose sight of the boy, looking around you in confusion only to have him appear behind you and throw a freshly made flower crown on top of your head. The question of where he got it from is lost to his ears as he babbles on how he needs to teach you the crafting of one, so you could be 'flower crown buddies'. His own words. Your reaction is to bump your shoulder with his, joking how he is too goofy for you to even want to learn. A look of betrayal is thrown at you and you chuckle.

He proceeds to skip at certain intervals during your trek through the forest, too, visibly being excited to earn a new friend who is close to his wave-length. You don't even notice when you get close, having too much fun getting to know each other and goof around, but Tubbo increasingly slows his steps near an old-looking house.

He turns to you, “Well, this is my stop. I shouldn't take you further or I'll get spanked for not listening to my peers.”

“Uh, I won't respond to that, though I hope everything's alright back at your base. You shouldn't go through child abuse anywhere,” you awkwardly scratch at your neck, handing him the comic books meant for him.

Tubbo light-heartedly laughs at your perplexed self, a jokester-like glint appearing in his eyes as he accepts the papers, “I hope we can meet again.”

“I do, too, and hey. The library can be our place, if you're comfortable enough to call it that,” you heartily smile at him, ruffling his hair and receiving a pouty 'hey! my hair, not yours!'.

He shakes his head to fix your doings, throwing a lop-sided grin, “I can allow that.”

“Well, I should go,” you look up to the sky, seeing the sun brightly shining more to the west side now. It shouldn't be that long before you'll have to get ready for the night and report your findings with Nick. Not like you have much to say to him, but there are some things worth mentioning to him, “I have a friend possibly waiting for me already. It was incredible meeting you, Tubbo!”

“Likewise.”

[flipomatic]

Being Honest

Summary: “You look cuter in person.” Mafuyu said those words with the same cadence as before, the same slow tone and not an ounce of hesitation. Ena’s eyes shot up to look at her, unbelieving what she just heard. Mafuyu’s expression was unchanged.

“What?” Had Ena imagined it, or misheard her?

Or

Mafuyu was just being honest.

Word Count: 1900

Note: This takes place after imprisoned marionette. Read the event story first.

______________________________________________________

Tonight was another joyous evening in the Shinonome household. After arriving home from school, Ena had to carefully skirt around her father’s studio to make it to her room. The less words exchanged with him, the better. Her brother stopped by to try to speak with her, but he was easily dispatched.

Ena sat at her computer, putting the final touches on a piece of art. This drawing was started last week, when Kanade sent over the draft of the song. The tune captured Mafuyu’s feelings, weaving them into a tapestry for the mind. Ena had listened to it many times as she worked to design the cover.

Even now, she couldn’t say she fully understood how Mafuyu felt. The lyrics helped a little. They conveyed strong emotion, which Ena drew upon for the cover art. She used a combination of dark colors and flower petals to illustrate the sound.

Ena worked carefully on it, tweaking each aspect of the image. It wasn’t quite right, not yet.

When 25:00 came, the regular meeting time of N25, she was out of time. On her voice chat interface, she could see Kanade, Mizuki, and Mafuyu appear one by one. After correcting one more line, Ena joined them.

Mizuki greeted her warmly, in their usual way. Mafuyu offered a single word greeting, which was also the usual. Ena returned their greetings, settling into her routine. It felt comfortable, logging into the N25 voice chat.

Then, Kanade asked about the cover art.

“I’ll put it in the shared folder.” Ena saved the image one last time, then copied it to the designated folder. It took only a moment to upload.

For a few seconds, there was silence as each of the other members downloaded and opened the image. A pit of worry balled in Ena’s stomach; besides rejection, this was the worst part of art. Waiting for that initial response, being forced to hold onto that suspense, she couldn’t stand it.

“Wow, kind of dark isn’t it?” Mizuki was the first to chime in, their tone flippant.

“You’ve listened to the song, haven’t you?” Ena snapped back with a follow up question.

“Hmm.” Kanade mused over the image. “I think it’s a good direction. Mafuyu, what do you think?” She directed the question at their fourth member, the one who wrote the lyrics for this song.

Ena had a hunch that Mafuyu was only going to criticize her work. Ever since she started being more honest about her feelings, she’d ripped apart Ena’s work multiple times. Sometimes there were compliments in there too, but they were few and far between.

Mafuyu sure was taking her time responding. Ena couldn’t hear anything from her end, as all three of them waited for her.

“Mafuyu?” Kanade asked, concern in her voice.

Now Mafuyu spoke, in a low slow voice like each word required inhuman effort. “It matches the tone… of the lyrics.”

It took a second for her words to sink in. That was a compliment, a genuine one. It felt strange, hearing that from Mafuyu. Ena’s cheeks warmed as her heart fluttered oddly in her chest; she was glad that the others couldn’t see her. “Thank you Mafuyu!” She exclaimed as she found her words. She jotted Mafuyu’s words down, to keep in mind when she revised the image later. “Some people can appreciate nuance.”

“Yeah, yeah, my bad.” Mizuki chuckled.

The group soon quieted down to work on their music, leaving Ena to continue with the cover art. Knowing it matched the tone of the lyrics was good. There was still more work to be done. She knew it needed something else, but what?

She’d keep working on it until she figured it out.

___________________________________________________________

Saturday was a good day of the week for Ena. It was the best day to go shopping, as all the stores would be open. She preferred to buy things online of course, but many clothes were only sold in stores.

On this particular Saturday, N25 made plans to get lunch at the diner and spend some time at the mall together. They were meeting at noon, since that was when Mafuyu got out of cram school.

It was still the morning now, around 10:00. Ena had plenty of time before she needed to go. She planned to use every minute of it, as she prepared her clothes for the outing. She wore her usual pink top, with the long sleeves. It was cute, undeniably so.

The rest of the time was designated for her social media post. Ena carefully took a selfie from an angle, framing her with the light in a good spot. She retook it more than a few times. Then she applied filters, sifting through the garbage ones until she reached one that was just right.

A caption completed the submission, something about how cute she felt for her shopping trip, which Ena posted immediately. She refreshed the screen as the likes came in, along with adoring comments. They admired her outfit and wished her a fun day out.

Not too long after, Ena left the house. The diner wasn’t too far, so she was able to walk.

When she arrived, she saw that only Mafuyu had beaten her there. The other teen was standing nearby the diner entrance, eyes locked firmly on the ground.

For a moment, Ena considered not talking to her until someone else arrived. It was so hard to speak with Mafuyu sometimes, especially when it was just them. It had been easier since the doll incident, but still Ena hesitated. She couldn’t do that though; it would be cruel. Ena knew the pain of being ignored.

“Mafuyu!” Ena called over to her. Mafuyu reacted slowly, her eyes inching up to meet Ena’s. “Have you been waiting long?”

Mafuyu shook her head, just once. “No.”

Ena looked down to check the time on her phone. “The others should be here soon.”

“You look cuter in person.” Mafuyu said those words with the same cadence as before, the same slow tone without an ounce of hesitation. Ena’s eyes shot up to look at her, unbelieving what she just heard. Mafuyu’s expression was unchanged.

“What?” Had Ena imagined it, or perhaps misheard her?

“Your selfie.” Mafuyu said simply, as if that explained it. “It doesn’t compare.”

She must’ve seen the photo online. What Mafuyu meant sunk in, like lighting down Ena’s spine. She blinked a few times in surprise, her pulse kicking in her chest. “D-did Mizuki put you up to saying that?” That must’ve been it, a plot like this would’ve been just like them.

Mafuyu tilted her head slightly. “I’m just being honest.”

Ena found herself at a loss for words, which didn’t happen often. She didn’t feel this way when a complimentary comment came in, but coming from Mafuyu like this, it felt different. She wasn’t sure how to explain it, or even how to respond.

“I thought I heard my name, what did I do this time?” Mizuki appeared from behind Ena with a boisterous laugh. Kanade followed only a few steps behind. Mizuki stopped next to Ena as she snapped out of her thoughts. “Wait, why’s your face so red?” The question was ended with a mischievous grin.

“It’s nothing.” Ena insisted, turning sharply towards the door to head inside. Those were thoughts to consider later. Mafuyu seemed unfazed, as she always did.

________________________________________________________

Another evening, another round of dodging her family. Ena had hiding in her room perfectly mastered; she deserved to win a prize for it.

The jackpot song was almost done, with just final tweaks being made to the track. Mizuki had a video completed and Ena’s cover art was almost done. She’d been working on it diligently since before, with today being the final day.

She lost herself in that process after the initial meeting at 25:00, not paying attention to the passage of time. Even when Mizuki went to bed and Kanade fell asleep at her desk, Ena kept working. She had figured out the missing piece, which should’ve been obvious from the start.

It needed doll imagery, in the front and center. She drew a black and white doll mask, similar in style to the one they saw at the exhibit. It balanced the colors and drew the viewer’s eye. This was the final element, exactly what the cover needed.

When Ena finally finished, she glanced up at the clock. The time 04:28 stared back at her, later than she typically worked. She yawned as she stretched, her back complaining about the long hours spent hunched forward.

“I’m going to bed soon.” Ena declared into the voice chat, which only had Mafuyu left as an active member. She put the cover art into the shared folder, so it would be easy for Kanade to access in the morning.

“Is it done?” Mafuyu asked, not even specifying what she was talking about.

Despite that, Ena understood. “Yes, I just uploaded it.”

On the call, Ena could hear the unmistakable sound of a mouse clicking. Mafuyu must’ve opened the cover art.

Ena remembered the last time she showed the draft to Mafuyu, the way she’d reacted to it. “Well, what do you think?”

“I admire how hard you work.” Mafuyu replied, each word placed carefully.

That wasn’t what Ena expected to hear and she didn’t like the implications of it. “Is that an insult?” She asked, crossing her arms. It was silly of her to think a naturally talented person like Mafuyu held anything but disdain for her.

“No.” Mafuyu paused after that word, seeming to hesitate to say more.

“Explain then.” Ena wasn’t going to let her get away with it. “Go on.”

Mafuyu thought for a moment before speaking. “You stayed up late to finish this.”  She must’ve been referring to the cover art. “You didn’t need to. Thank you… for depicting my feelings.”

Ena’s posture softened, warmth spreading through her chest. If she understood correctly that meant that Mafuyu liked it, she liked it so much that she was grateful to Ena for drawing it. Those feelings, of genuine gratitude, came through strongly from Mafuyu’s last few words. Even with the distance between them, being on opposite sides of the district, Ena felt more connected to Mafuyu than she ever had before.

Ena felt that she had gone too long without responding, not that Mafuyu would find the silence awkward anyway. She deflected, embarrassed. “Just doing my part as N25’s illustrator.”

They exchanged a few more words, before hanging up for the evening.

Ena went to bed, finally shutting her light off for the night. There was still one on in the hallway, casting the slightest bit of light into her room. There was only one person who would be up working at this time. She didn’t want to think about him.

Instead, Ena rolled to face away from the door.

She wondered if Mafuyu recognized her own emotions earlier. She doubted it.

At least, Ena was starting to understand her a little bit better.

[shadowsandstarlight]

So, tonight’s “reblog art” post is less full of rage than usual. I thought I’d explain exactly why I get so mad. See, art takes time. The numbers I usually put on my pieces in terms of time are the numbers I get from my art program, which keeps track of how much time I spend in there working. That doesn’t account for the rest of the process. Here are the steps that go into my more major pieces:

Decide what to do. This can take a bit of time, or none at all. Sometimes I spend months coming up with nothing, other times I come up with something new before I’ve even finished the last project.

Planning. This is one of the most time consuming steps a lot of the time. I have to choose a pose (or multiple), which means scouring the internet for references, often I have to do character design from almost scratch, I have to design an outfit, pick a colour palette, decide whether I want it to be lineless or not, all that fun stuff.

With big pieces, I’ll often do a version on paper first, so I can work things out and get practice. After the initial paper version, I’ll typically do a second one that’s a bit cleaner.

Once I’ve got the good version on paper done, I’ll take a picture of it and upload it into the art program. This acts as a base for the digital version. I have to figure out the positioning, adjust the canvas size, and make extra sure I like how it’s looking so far.

Lineart. This is optional, obviously, in lineless pieces I’ll just go straight to colour. Lineart comes in second only to the pose sketch as my least favourite part. I’m very meticulous about making sure my lineart is clean and tidy, and often I’ll do the lineart twice to make sure I get it right.

Colours. I lied earlier, this is the most time consuming part. I need to get the colours, adjust them to make sure I like them, make sure they look nice, and keep them from clashing or blending in with each other. That’s before I even start adding them to the drawing. Then I have to place them all, clean up edges, shade, highlight, clean up edges again, adjust colours again, oh wait I didn’t shade that properly oh no I just messed up the highlight do it all again and again until it looks right. Ah fuck my brightness was too low I turned it up now all the colours look fucked up, time to readjust all of them! Now the shading’s weird again, and the highlight, wait what fucking layer is that random splotch on, what do you mean I hit undo and did something else so now I can’t redo, yeah you get the idea. This can get very repetitive.

Grab it as a photo file so I can post it. Notice something is off. Go in and fix it. Repeat at least three times.

Post it and have basically nobody reblog it. Exactly two people say something nice in the tags. One makes it worth the 8+ hours of work you just did, the second gives you enough fuel to start the next piece. Repeat this process again. And again. Forever.

[hypocrisyofandrewdobson]

Dobson's Patreon: An Addendum to His Monument of Sins

(The following is a submission from @soyouareandrewdobson, meant to be an addendum to the multi-post submission @ripsinfest made a while back. Ironically, this one also had issues when being submitted, so I’ll be copypasting it here with all the images and links originally intended.)

In 2018, user @ripsinfest wrote a multipart series of posts for THOAD, recounting Dobson’s attempt to establish a patreon in 2015 and how it resulted in failure on a massive scale, to the point that his patreon is arguably “a monument to all his sins”.

Personally I think the post series is extremely well researched, rather “neutral” in terms of tone (letting the posts provided as evidence speak more for themselves than the opinion of the writer) and gives a detailed but quick rundown on what went wrong. Primarily that Dobson overestimated his own “value” as an artist and did NOT attempt to give his few supporters what they wanted through his artwork posted around the time.

I do however want to use the opportunity to also point out at certain obvious things that in my opinion (and likely the opinions of others) added to the failure of the patreon account, that were not accounted for in detail and are primarily related to how the internet perceives popularity and Dobson’s inability to understand, how to “sell” and make himself look good to the public.

To begin with, let’s just point out a certain truth about making money via Patreon: To do so, depends a lot on your popularity as a content creator online. That is simply because the more popular you are, the bigger your fanbase is and as such the more likely a certain percentage of people may be willing to donate money to you and your work in hopes they get something out of it, even if it is just the altruistic feeling of having helped someone they “like”. It doesn’t take a genius to see, how e.g. internet reviewers such as Linkara or moviebob (around 2800 and 4400$ earnings via patreon each month respectively) can make quite some money, while other, more obscure content creator or artists barely make money to go by, earning essentially pocket money at best.

In addition, popularity is fleeting. A few years ago e.g. internet personality Noah Antweiler aka The SpoonyOne managed to earn 5000$ a month via patreon, just shortly after establishing his account. But his lack of content over the years AND his toxic behavior online resulted in a decline of popularity and with it people jumping off his Patreon. As such, Antweiler only earns nowadays around 290$ a month via Patreon and most of that money is likely form people who have forgotten they donate to him in the first place anyway.

And Noah is not the only one who over the course of the last couple of years lost earnings. Brianna Wu makes barely more than he does, despite having once been the “darling” of the internet when the Gamergate controversy was at its peak. Many Bronies who once made more than 2k via video reviews on a show about little horses at the peak of its popularity (2013-15) earn less than 300-800 on average nowadays because interest on the show as well as people talking about it has declined.

Heck, in preparation of writing this piece I found out, that one of the highest grossing patreons nowadays is “The last podcast on the left”, a podcast that earns more than 67k a month by making recordings on obscure and macabre subjects on a regular basis.

So there you have it folks: As the interests of the internet users change, so does the popularity of certain people online and -in case they have a patreon account or similar plattforms- their chances of making money via their content.

Which now brings us back to Dobson, who was not popular at all at that particular time and managed to become even less popular as the months and years passed by.

Sure, Dobson had his fans via deviantart, people knew who he was. But the later was more because of “infamy” than popularity and the number of fans he had accumulated online were representing people interested in him at least since 2005 and did not quite represent his actual present day numbers of supporters at the time.

And mind you, the number of supporters was less than 100k, most of them likely underaged deviantart users. And if my research indicates something, then that most content creators with a halfway decent patreon earning need at least 100k+ followers in total. Because of those fans, only around 1-3% will on average then spend money on you, if you actually create content they enjoy and on a regular basis.

Which brings up the next major problem: Dobson did not create content people enjoyed and that in more than one meaning of the word.

On one hand, as pointed out by ripsinfest, he barely released any content at all over 2015 after a few initial months, despite the fact that he was obviously active online a lot, as shown by his presence on twitter. On the other hand, the few things he did create were not the stuff people wanted.

As an example: If you go to a restaurant and pay for a pizza, you expect the cook to give you a pizza. If however for some reason he just gives you a soda, you get ripped off and never come back. In Dobson’s case, the thing people wanted was not pizza but comic pages. But what he delivered was mostly bland fanart, such as of Disney and Marvel characters crossing over or KorraSami. Sure, a few strips of “So…you are a cartoonist” were still released at the time, but not really many.

To give an overview: Taking the release dates on Dobson’s official SYAC site into account, he released around 16 strips of it between March and August of 2015, the last two being “No Leia” being titled “Zip line”

Afterwards, the next official strip released was “Anything at all” in October of 2016.

Now to be fair, there was at least one more strip at the time Dobson released via patreon, that is also save to see on kiwifarms and other plattforms, which has not been uploaded to his official SYAC page. Likely because he simply forgot about it.

But I think that in itself should tell you something about Dobson’s work ethics when it comes to his webcomics. He promoted his patreon in his own video as a way to ensure he can make comics in a timely fashion again for others to enjoy, but in an environment where certain artists are capable to create multiple strips per week at minimum, Dobson could overall not manage to produce more than 16 over a course of six months, which means an average production of 3 strips per month.

For comparison, Tatsuya Ishida of the infamous sinfest webcomic (a garbage fire of epic proportions from a TERF who I think should be put on a watch list) has produced on average 4 strips per week, including full page Sunday strips, for years and nowadays even releases stuff on a daily basis to pass the covid crisis. So a mad man who wants to see trnas people die, has better work ethics than Dobson.

In other words, people expected Dobson to actually get back into creating comics (with some even expecting a return of Alex ze Pirate), but he got in fact even lazier than before, releasing only SYAC strips and random fanart as a product. Which he then also tried to justify as his choice to make because a) he had mental health issues and b) no one can tell him what to do.

And sure, people do not need to tell you what to do. But when people pay/donate money to you expecting to get a certain product in return, they should get the product. Linkara e.g. by all means doesn’t NEED to review comics to have a fullfilling life, but he got famous for his reviews, people want to see his reviews and they pay him for those reviews. So obviously, he will continue those things.

Then there is also the fact that despite Dobson’s claims how he wants to create comics for everone to enjoy and that he aims to keep his artwork online for free so anyone can view it…(his exact words in his promotional video AND text on his patreon once upon a time)

…the reality was, that he wanted to use patreon as a paywall. Something I actually kinda pointed out at on my own account (shameless self promotion) once, but want now to elaborate a bit. Basically at the time Dobson opened up his patreon, he also was on the verge of leaving deviantart as a platform people could look at his work behind. Which he eventually did.

Meaning that the only major platforms for people to watch any “new” stuff by him were his patreon or art sites such as the SYAC homepage or andysartwork. Which granted, he did EVENTUALLY put his stuff on.

But unlike other content creators who would put “patreon exclusive” new content up on more public plattforms often within a few days, weeks or a month after making them “patreon only” at first, Dobson waited longer and did barely anything to promote his sites as places to look his stuff up for a public audience. In doing so creating a “bubble” for himself that hurt him more than it helped, as Dobson made himself essentially come off as a snob.

A snob who did not create content for everybody to enjoy, but ONLY for those willing to pay him at least one dollar per month. As evident e.g. by the fact that as time went by, certain content was never released outside of his patreon at all, such as a SYAC strip involving Dobbear screaming at the computer because he saw a piece of art that featured tumblr nose.

Lastly, there is the issue of his patreon perks and stretch goals.

See, his perks were essentially non existent. Aside of the beggars reward of “my eternal thank you if you donate 1 dollar”, two other perks that come to my mind were the following: If you donated up to 5$ at minimum, you got your name thrown into a lottery to potentially win buttons and postcards of his artwork. Unsold cheap merch from years prior he failed to sell at conventions basically. There was just a problem with that thing: That lottery thing, which he also was only going to initiate when he reached a stretch goal of 150 dollar a month? It was illegal!

Patreon itself has in their user agreement a rule that forbids people from offering perks that essentially boil down to “earning” something via gambling, which this lottery by Dobson was.

(THOAD chiming in here to add that, in addition to all this, he fully admitted he would be excluding Patrons that he “knew were clearly trolls” from the lottery. Which made the already illegal lottery also fixed, so...yeah.)

The next thing coming to mind was his “discount” on previous books of his he offered online, if you donated at least 10 bucks per month to him. Or to translate it: You would get a bare minimum discount at pdf files of books such as Alex ze Pirate and Formera (you know, the permanently cancelled Dobson comics) if you paid up 50-75% of their original price on Patreon already. And considering the quality of his early works, he should have given you at least a book per month for free if you dared to donate him that much.

As for the stretch goals… lets go through them, shall we:

100$: A wallpaper per month. Something he did provide with eventually, but barely. And after less than five of those he stopped to make them overall

150$: Monthly Gift basket Lottery, which as I stated, was illegal and almost got him into serious trouble with his account. Also not an initial stretch goal he made up but instead came up with a few months into his accounts existence. Finally it got temporarily replaced by Dobson playing with the idea to use 150$ per month to open up a server and art site where people could upload stuff for free similar to deviantart, but under his administration. Promising a “safe space” for other artists. Which considering Dobson’s ego and inability to accept criticism or delegate responsibilities would have likely ended like this:

175$: Establishing a Minecraft server for him and his fans to play on. Meaning Dobson would have just wasted time he could spend on creating comics to endulge in his Minecraft obsession.

200$: Writing a Skyrim children book. Aside of the legal nightmare that this could have been (I doubt Valve would have been happy of someone else profiting of their property) I have to ask, who was even interested in Skyrim by 2015 anymore? Sure, Skyrim was a popular game and it had its qualities, but it was also a trend that had passed by that time. So in other words, there was not a market to cater towards here.

300$: A strip per week guaranteed.

… are you fucking kidding me? 75$ per strip essentially? Something people expect you to produce anyway if you want to be considered a “prolific” creator worth supporting online? Imagine if certain internet reviewers would do that, telling you that if they do not earn at least a certain amount of money, they will not produce anything, period, or less than usual. And Dobson had already proven that he can release more than just one comic within a few days, if he is motivated by enough spite.

600$: Starting a podcast with his friends to talk about nerd culture. In my opinion could only work under the assumption that people even like the idea of listening to Dobson and his opinions. Which considering how very little people like talking to him sounds doubtful. Also, considering how Dobson tends to be late to the party when it comes to nerd culture, likely tending to be out of date faster than he could upload. Finally... what friends?

700$: Returning the love, as he says it, by donating some of the money patreon users gave him to other content creators. This in my opinion is the most self defeating cause possible. On one hand sure, being generous and all that. But essentially Dobson admits here he would blow the money people give him to support HIS art on others, essentially defeating the purpose of HIS own account. He also does not clarify how much of that money he would donate, meaning there was a high chance that he would spend less than 10% of it on other creators, only creating the illusion of support while putting the actual earnings/donations into his own pocket.

2000$: A massive jump ahead. 2000$ per month would result in him getting better equipment (as in a new computer e.g.) and as such “potentially” make more comics. Mind you, only potentially.

This goal in my opinion is also the most fucked up one. Primarily for the following reasons:

Lets say Dobson would have achieved the goal and actually earned over 2000$ per month for at least a year. His annual earning would have been 24k, minus whatever he had to pay as taxes and payment for using the patreon service. And what would he do with this money? Get himself a better computer and equipment by paying a minor fraction of it once. Then he could use that computer for years to come while still having over 10k in his account, plus his monthly earnings. And he may still just produce 3-4 comics a month of a series that has as much depth to it than Peppa Pig if not less.

Sure, many patreon users have 2k+ as a stretch goal on their accounts to signify that if they could make that much monthly, they could have the necessary financial security to focus their time primarily on their content instead of a regular job. And if the content they create is actually well made, many people would support that or be okay with it.

But 2000 dollars to buy ONE computer and not account for how this money will add up over time? And that in light of such profits people may actually expect you to create more than you barely do already? That is either a case of narcissism, plain stupidity because you can't look further than 5 feet or just shows how Dobson did not understand at all the tool he had at his disposal.

Bottom line: Dobson, like many times before, fucked it up. He overestimated the potential support and resulting profits he could make, he expected that his name alone would be enough to assure gainings instead of creating content to justify support and he was unwilling to really give his supporters anything worthwhile back.

And while I am sure that there were also many other factors guaranteeing his failure, those at least to me, were his "common" mistakes most other people familiar even with the basics of internet popularity would ahve avoided.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

[acid-hydrangea]

“I”

There was a boy named Sig, who had many, many questions.

*Note: Sig uses he and they pronouns in this work interchangeably.

Sig awoke to the gentle, blue hues of his room flooding his vision. The quiet morning air tinged with the sounds of birdsong and the beaming of harsh sunlight. It was 5:32 AM. The Fever Bird month had just begun.

They hoisted themself out of bed and opened the window, breathing in the crisp morning air soaking in his surroundings, he’d neglected the rough, coarse sensation on--in--through? his shoulder... He moved to the other end of his room, and upon checking the mirror they discovered that the ‘totally not worrisome’ crimson growths had spread further, practically covering his whole left shoulder, almost touching his neck. The natural ringing in his ears felt louder than usual. He stared for a moment at his reflection, his thoughts clouding his mind like an intense thunderstorm. Eventually, he broke eye contact with his reflection and got dressed for the day. 

He donned his typical shirt with the rest of his usual clothes, he went on his way, considering wearing their turtleneck sweater more often, despite the spring-summer heat.

--

    Sig’s gaze was transfixed on the clouds moving across the clear sky, like a herd of lazy sheep. Their thoughts drifted in all sorts of directions, but he wasn’t able to attach any words to anything he felt... Not even one, this time. He looked down at his desk, Accord’s voice and the sound of chalk against the blackboard fading into white noise as they scratched one of his left claws upon the desk’s surface. 

...What… was happening to him? Why didn’t anyone ever bother to tell him? He’s not a little kid, he could handle whatever they told him. Did he do something that scared everyone? Ever since he transferred to this class, his arm and eye suddenly changed. People gave him weird stares, and tried to avoid him. When his caretaker Akuma found out, he tried every single spell and magic seal he could, to reverse the process. None of it worked. Every now and then, he tried again, rinse and repeat every so often. Fast-forward to the 'incident' nobody wants to talk about, involving bookworm. Fast-forward again to that blonde witch's potion... Ever since that, no... Even before that, he swore he was--

    His thoughts were disrupted by the sound of the school bell signalling the end to another day.

“... And that wraps up our lessons for the day! Be sure to review your notes, and do your homework, everyone. I will be here for the next hour if you need help.” 

He just sat there, trying to think through his memories, to make sense of it. Most students dispersed, the sound of students’ papers rustling and bags being picked up off the floor slowly replaced the white noise in his head. Klug and Raffina probably left separately, Amitie rushed to Accord’s side for help with the homework, and Lidelle was off to do her observations on the moonsunflower this week. 

Sig remained in his seat, having wordless conversations with his little bug friends, instead. Asking them about their days, as he always did, mostly oblivious to the events of his own. He’d have been last to leave if Amitie and Lidelle weren’t there. He did things at his own pace typically, leaving whenever his bug friend did.

...Today was different, though. Something felt different. A gnawing feeling that used to feel trivial had grown over time. The deformations from his left arm had been spreading constantly, no amount of Akuma’s rites, treatments, or spells slowed it down. It’d been a year since that incident happened, and a few months later, something else... Two incidents, and no answers. All he had were questions that were shunned away with words like “It’s nothing for you to worry about,” or “We’ll take care of it, so don’t ask too many questions.” All he could do was believe them, because they had his best interest in mind, right...?

Akuma never provided actual answers when asked, only empty words of... What felt like false reassurance,“Don’t worry your young head about it”, while chanting mysterious incantations with paper, “We’ll heal you someday”, casting archaic-sounding spells, handing him multiple charms,

“Don’t think about what scares you, only think happy thoughts, kuma.”

Scary? Was something wrong with him in the first place? Something that felt like a part of him, ingrained in him since birth, treated as a curse and a disease once his hand and eye turned that shade of crimson? It got him in trouble so many times, in ways he had no control, something he was forced to be at the center of. Fate was drawing chaos towards him, like a violent vortex. Was he never supposed to think about ‘himself’ ever again? What could he even do about the world revolving so sporadically around him? 

The ladybug flew away, right out the window, to greener pastures.

--

    Eventually, Amitie left the classroom. She waved goodbye to Sig, seemingly getting the sense that he wasn’t in the mood to walk home together that day. She flashed him a worried smile, and then disappeared out the door. 

He wasn't feeling up to talking to his teacher in the first place, but... The nagging feeling wouldn't go away until he did. Sig stood up from the desk and walked over to Ms. Accord’s desk.

"Good afternoon, Sig. Do you need any help with what we learned today?"

"Something... else."

“Oh? What is it, is something troubling you?”

He... Didn't know how to ask, what to ask...? He was prepared to just be told nothing, anyways, but... They really wanted to know. They were feeling... Confusion, anger? Fear, sadness... Any mental script they had in mind was gone. He didn’t realize just how intense his fear of the unknown was.

"I.... Is there something wrong with me? Am I... going to become something bad... Do you know what's... Happening to me ...?"

They didn't realize how scared their expression was, like a deer in headlights.

"Sig...? Dear, are you alright? Did something happen?"

He was trying not to cry when he ended up thinking about everything he was told not to, gripping his arms tightly. Sometimes, it felt harder to breathe, or think... Was it just him, or something else? His vision grew blurry from held-back tears...

--

Sitting in a chair Ms. Accord pulled up, he didn't have it in him to look her in the eye. Everything was silent for some time...

"I'm... scared. You, Akuma, everyone... You all know things about me..."

He tried to make eye contact with her, if barely, only able to meet eyes with her puppet.

"Why don't you want me to know? Do I need to be fixed...? Is something bad going to happen with me...? To people around me? I've always... been like this... So I don't know. Everyone acts like it's forbidden stuff..." 

Digging his fingers into his arm, he was shaking...

"I don't want to live like this. Knowing nothing about myself... It's so scary. No one likes scary people. No one wants to be around someone who hurts people. It makes me feel like I'm going to ruin everything, someday..."

"... I told you, you all shouldn't keep secrets from him, nya. Lookit what it did to the poor kid...", Popoi whispered to her. What could she say? The cat was right...

"Sig... I'm sorry, I truly am. It was never my intention to cause you such anxiety... Please, try to look at me..."

"I... can't..." 

"Please know, then... You're not in any danger, and your friends aren't, either. No one's going to get hurt just because you're here... You said you've always been like this, right?"

Sig nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"You've always been a prized pupil and friend to many, Sig... That won't change just because of your arm or eye... Those make you who you are, and you're a wonderful person."

"... Thanks... teacher..."

Taking some deep breaths, he sighed... He still had more questions. Many more.

"... I want to know... Something else..."

"You have my word that I'll answer to the best of my abilities, from now on."

Having wiped his tears away, putting faith in her words, 

"... What made me like this? Does it have something to do with what happened a year ago...? I know... you know something... You were helping... him... Lemres."

Silence permeated through the room.

"Akuma informed me, when you enrolled, that your sudden changes were nothing to worry about. As far as my knowledge goes, there's nothing abnormal about your condition that would warrant any worry. As for the incident..."

"... Teacher?" 

"I promise I'm being honest, my knowledge of what happened... Is very little. I only know what it is that Lemres told me about those 3... objects."

"Which... is...?"

" Those... The items, they are connected to a certain item of ill omens... I do not know anything more. He kept such details to himself..."

... Did she think he forgot about the bookworm's book? He wasn't clueless, he knew there was something weird about it. Bookworm always makes the effort to tuck it away specifically when he approaches. He almost seemed to prioritize making sure he never even so much as touched it. He got annoyed when others did, and downright terrified when he did. He wasn't fooling anyone, Sig simply didn't pay the thought any mind until now.

Having almost-fully regained his composure, he stood up, 

"Teacher... If that really is all you know... I'm going to find out more, by myself.", making himself clear, he was finally able to project his voice a bit louder.

"... I'm  sorry, that truly is the extent of my knowledge, but... Sometime soon, I could invite him over, and he could tell you what he knows...?"

... It was reassuring to see she actually parted with details. All it took was... Crying. Stressful. He just wanted to get out. He especially wanted nothing to do with that candy weirdo.

"I...don’t want that. See you next week, teach."

With that, he left. 

Tomorrow, it would be time to visit the bookworm Klug, instead.

Ms. Accord, too, had her own plans for the weekend.

--

End Notes: surprise surprise i’m gonna be uploading fics up here from now on. this fic’s been in the works for awhile and it still is- but i’m really excited to show everyone it! if it’s possible, i’d like to affix art to every single chapter going forward. thank you for reading, and feel free to let me know what you think via. replies or asks. reblogs and likes are especially helpful for getting the word out! catch me on my main blog at @marxsoul, or my twitter at @marxsoui, and see you when the next chapter’s out~

[padme-parker]

no regrets [AU!Anakin Skywalker x Reader]

Summary: You leave Anakin, only a letter in your place.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: some swear words I think, angst, mentions of cancer, some fluff if you look hard enough, this is pretty fucking cliche btw!

A/N: so I was listening to Lewis Capaldi’s discography and that shit was so sad. Like all of his songs are so fucking sad that it inspired me to write this. Mainly the songs: “Forever”, “Fade.”, “Before You Go.” and “Headspace.” (I highly suggest listening to his songs while ur reading!) along with a handful of songs I was listening to while writing this. Also this is my first time uploading my writing so forgive me if it's all over the place. I was just excited to write this lol.

The thumping of the bass made his ears ring, that’s the first thing Anakin noticed when he got home. He was totally and completely shitfaced, drunk out of his mind. The next thing he noticed was the deafening silence. Sure, it was midnight but he knew how much of a night owl you were. He also knew how much you loved to paint at night, a slight breeze from the open window, and music quietly playing in the background. Loud enough just to be heard by the two of you, quiet enough so he could hear the stroke of your brush against the canvas. Oftentimes he would come up behind you, lightly grasping your hips and began to sway along to the music. And some nights he would just sit back and watch you. However tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight would be different, and the next night, and the night after that. Anakin walked towards the bedroom, careful not to wake you just in case you were asleep. When he walked into the room, his eyes immediately searched for you, but landed upon emptiness, that’s when it caught his attention. The last thing he noticed was the envelope placed upon his pillow. 

Grasping the envelope, Anakin took out its content. It was a letter, just for his eyes.

Dear Anakin,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Believe me, I wish I could’ve done this in person but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As I write this letter, you’ll be out celebrating with Obi Wan and Padme. Enjoying life, that’s what you should be doing. And I know it must be shitty to come home to this, but I just couldn’t leave while you were still here. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. But you deserve to know this.

The truth is, I don’t love you anymore, Anakin. I’m not sure when I fell out of love with you, but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay and drag you down with me. Sometimes I wonder how we got here, how I got us here. Then I remembered why, him. In the past six months I met someone else. At first we were just friends. But there was something between us, a connection. The second I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, there you were. Anakin, you were- and still are my world, but he’s my whole fucking universe. Without him I feel like I’d cease to exist. Each day, the more I fell in love with him, the more I fell out of love with you. Until one day, I came to my senses and realized what the hell I was doing. All those days I spent with him, coming home late at night, you never questioned me. Stars Anakin, I’m so sorry I took advantage of your trust. I never thought we’d end up like this. I never thought this would happen.

You deserve to be happy. But we both know that’s not something I can give you. You deserve to be able to move on without ever having to see me again. That’s why I’ve decided to leave. Not just move out of the apartment, or town, but move out of state altogether. Please don’t come looking for me.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Anakin, I love you so much, but we’re just not meant to be. You were my epic love, not my soulmate. But remember, you’re still someone who had a huge impact on my life. I don’t think I could ever forget you, nor do I think that I want to. I know that even on my deathbed, I’ll be thinking of you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N

P.S. take the time you need Anakin, but don’t get hung up on me. There are people out there who love you, you just don’t see it yet.

He let out a sharp breath, dropping the letter, and began to sob. For the next hour, all he could do was cry. He struggled to breathe, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Was I not enough? He wanted to scream, but chose not to, sparing his neighbors from hearing his sorrows. Anakin was spiraling, he was heaving now. Struggling to breathe he crawled out of his room and into the living room. Your painting materials still left in the corner, easel propped up, and miscellaneous pieces of art scattered across his home.

Anakin couldn’t escape from you, you were unknowingly ripping the air out of his lungs. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of you. It was ironic really, how was he supposed to move on if he had to see everything that reminded him of you.

-

A couple of years passed since you disappeared from Anakin’s life. He had moved on but deep down inside he never really did recover. He was sad at first, but then became angry. How could you use him like this? But of course, like you promised, there were people there for him. Obi Wan and Padme had always been there for him, especially Padme. She was the first one to check up on him when he wasn’t returning their calls. The first to get him to stop crying, the first to cheer him up, the first to get him to go out again, and the first person to say “I love you.” since you’d left. Anakin had felt like he was betraying you, he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t you, but then he remembered what you did and said. He had the right to move on with someone else.

When Anakin felt like he was ready, six month after your breakup, he asked Padme to be his girlfriend. A year and a half later, he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. Nine months later, they welcomed their twins into the world.

Both Obi Wan and Padme had been there by his side, along with Dean. He met Dean at the bar, both of them looking like shit. It started with a simple nod, then their small group of three now had four people. Dean became close to Obi Wan and Padme too, helping Anakin to return to his life before you left. It was going well until today.

Anakin moved out of his old apartment a long time ago. He donated most of your belongings and sold your paintings. Except for one. It was a painting that the two of you had created together. A minimal black outline of your silhouettes from your favorite photo together. Simple, but it had meaning to it. The picture itself was taken at a party, a drink in your hand while Anakins was thrown over your shoulder. You were smiling at the camera, drink aimed towards it. However, Anakin was looking at you, a big goofy smile on his face. If there was one memory of you he wanted to keep, it was that one. So instead of selling the painting, he kept it. Obviously he didn’t hang it up, instead he kept in it buried deep inside his closet. Only taking it out whenever he really missed you.

Even though he kept the painting, every aspect of you was completely erased. It’s like you never existed to him. Instead of lining the halls with pictures of the two of you, they were filled with pictures of Anakin and Padme. A small polaroid of them on their first date. A picture at the bar of Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Dean. A bunch of wedding pictures. And finally, pictures of his family. He’d memorized every corner of his new home, never wanting to forget about it because he knew at any given moment, his life could be ripped from his fingers. Everything had been ingrained into his memory, from the toys scattered across the floor to the pristine kitchen. Where Padme was currently making dinner, “Hey Ani, you’ve got some mail, I put it on the table.” He walked towards the table and picked up the envelope, he could recognize your handwriting. Anakin felt like the world was playing a sick joke on him, after all these years, why would you write back now?

“Hey Padme, I’m gonna go change real quick.” He didn’t wait for Padme’s reply before he ran off to his closet, he knew he needed to be alone when he read its contents. Locking the door, he ripped open the envelope and took out your letter.

Anakin,

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but you deserve to know the truth. The real reason as to why I left. By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Remember how I told you that I had met someone new? That was a lie. In those six month, I was at multiple doctors' offices getting tested. I knew something was wrong with me but none of the doctors could tell me why. Until one was able to. I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, the chances of me surviving were low. That’s why I left.

Anakin’s eyes went wide, the paper shaking in his hands. “Cancer… she has..” he whispered to himself, he could feel the tears starting to roll down his face. All this time, he hated her for something she never did.

I knew how much you wanted to have a family, and it was something I wanted to give you. But when I found out that I couldn’t do that, I knew you’d be crushed. This was something we both had dreamed of. It was easier for me to make up a lie. I wouldn’t allow myself to put the both of us through this pain. You shouldn’t have to bear my burdens. I wasn’t going to let you waste your life away trying to take care of me. So I hid the truth from you and left like a coward. Understand that I needed you to hate me, Anakin. That you wouldn’t come looking for me or just expect me to come back one day. Even though I did want to come back, I had to hold myself back. I knew you were going to move on eventually.

Do you remember the guy I was talking about? The one who I was so “madly in love with” that I left you? Yeah, well his name is Dean, He’s one of the nurses who was taking care of me during those six months, and for the past couple years he’s been my eyes. Anakin, I never fell out of love with you. Even as I lay on my deathbed, you’re all I can think about.

Dean says that you’ve moved on and married Padme. I’m going to be honest, at first I was shocked and a little sad. But then I remembered why I did this in the first place. Anakin, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Even when we were still together I could tell how much love she had for you. She didn’t act on her feelings because I was still there, which I’m grateful for. But once I left, she saw the opportunity to comfort you, so she did. You looked at me like I was your whole world, but Padme, she looks at you like your her whole damn universe. Truth is, you weren’t my world, you’re my fucking universe Anakin, even if you don’t know it. You weren’t just my epic love, to me, you were my soulmate. But you and Padme? The two of you are soulmates, made for eachother. Dean has shown me pictures of the two of you. I’ve never seen you so happy, even when we were together. I know she brings out a side of you that I was never able to.

There was a point where I was getting better and I wanted to come back. To apologize and maybe try again, but Dean advised against doing so. At that moment in time, you had just proposed to Padme. Who was I to come back into your life just to take away your happiness? So I watched from afar. I watched as you went on with your life and completely forgot about me. And I did it with a smile on my face, because you were happy. Anakin, simply knowing that you were happy and content with your life made me happy, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. For a while, I was better. Then it got worse, my cancer got more aggressive. From there, I was condemned in my own home.

As the months went on, I got more sick and closer to death. After your wedding, Dean came over to my place and showed me videos of you and Padme. I couldn’t help but let out a few tears, you were getting everything you wanted. I really wish I could’ve been there to see you, Ani, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your wedding. I was so ecstatic for you when I’d heard that you were having a child! Twins nonetheless, you must’ve been radiating joy. I really am happy for you Anakin. I only wanted the best for you.

Do you remember the night on the rooftop? You cooked dinner for us on our two year anniversary. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. Do you also remember what we promised to each other? “No regrets.” As simple as it was, I broke our promise, Ani. I regret not telling you. I regret leaving you. I regret ever hurting you. Anakin, I am deeply sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Do you regret not looking for me?

Anakin stopped reading for a second to think, did he regret how things played out? He wiped his tears before continuing,

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to stay with you, Anakin, but I couldn’t let myself. I hope the universe will continue giving you what you want, because you deserve it, Ani. You deserve to be happy.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

P.S. somewhere across the stars and galaxies, I’ll be watching over you. I’ll always be with you.

Anakin dropped to the floor, the letter along with him. Muffled sobs could be heard on the other side of the door, but Padme was too preoccupied to hear. Why didn’t I go after her? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I notice? He asked himself. The truth was that Anakin did regret not going after you, he regretted not trying to get closure from you. Because he knew that if he had gone after you, you would’ve told him the truth. He knew you would tell him the truth because he knew that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him. That’s why you left, only leaving a letter behind. And he knew if you told him the truth, he would have forgiven you. He would’ve spent the rest of his life, right next to you. Making sure you were alright. Anakin knew he would’ve taken you back in a heartbeat, because he still loves you. Even after you falsely broke his heart and left him, his love for you outweighed the hate he felt.

He got up somberly walking towards the hidden painting. He took it into his hands along with another object. He sat back down, now clutching the memory to his chest. His heart felt heavy, but nothing felt heavier than the small black velvet box resting upon his grasp.

“No regrets, huh?”

.

(A/N): Okay so I know that the goodbye letter is all over the place, but if I was writing a letter to someone I love, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to process properly. So forgive me if some of it seemed random, I’m still new to this stuff. I also feel like this is very cliche but when I heard Forever, my mind was immediately like “omg this song is good inspo for a sad fic.” I also feel like I should’ve added more flashbacks but I’m not sure where they would’ve been placed.... anyways I hope you enjoyed it :)

[alish-artie]

Give us art tutorial pls 👁👁

Aaaaww thank you so much for that compliment hehe (#^.^#)

Though I’m not sure I can give a proper tutorial, I'll give some advices :

For me the most important step is to draw on paper.

It’s very important for me because I'll spend less time drawing and erasing on my 50 layers on my tablet...and I always draw multiple time the same panel to try different poses and angles (so it’s not too boring to look at, always with the same angle).

Plus I have so many comics that didn’t went farther than paper : I realized that it wasn’t really funny/I couldn’t find the right structure for it ! It made me loses less time than if I tried directly on tablet.

Then when I'm satisfied, I go on tablet and immediately start a very simple drawing on the first layer that only indicates the poses, the place for the speech bubbles and an identified objects to know which character I'm doing (for example a square head for Mono). Then I get that layer to the lowest opacity and immediately starts on the real drawing !

Then...I don’t have anything else to say, just that I add A LOT of layers with only one thing like a hand, because often I have to move it to improve an action or something like that. And it really helped me a lot !

And last advice : first save the drawing with the tons of layers as it is, and then fuse all of them to finally saves as png (to upload it). It happened once or twice that I saw a mistake on one of my panels just before posting it, so I quickly went back to the drawing, corrected it, and saved it as the new png.

Here ! Hope that helps x)

[thevictorianghost]

A look back at 2020 - and a thank you to the Zutara fandom

Okay.

So.

I’ve never done this before. I know 2020 has been… a year. To say the least. A messy, sad, hell of a year. I’m not saying my 2020 was perfect. There were many events that were supposed to happen but got cancelled because of COVID. But if you could believe it, 2019 was so much worse for me, especially creative-wise. So I decided to make this post about how my 2020 went, because it went a lot better than 2019!

Never again, 2019. Never again.

Also if you feel like you haven’t been creative or haven’t had the energy to do everything you wanted to do, please don’t take this post as a “haha I did so much better than you guys!” Because that is ABSOLUTELY NOT what I want to achieve. I just want to give myself a pat on the back. Honestly, I think what really helped this year was when I got into a slump for one type of creative endeavour, I jumped to the next. I set myself to start something and finished it. Then, if I felt burnt out about that thing? Like writing a fic? I got into cosplay. Or video editing. Or something else. And then I came back to writing. It was really fun to learn new things and to do multiple kinds of projects through the year!

The Zutara fandom thank you letter is at the end, so if you want to skip my ramblings, you can find the title below! 

So anyway. Here goes!

Video editing:

It’s not that well-known on my Tumblr, but I have a Youtube channel! I made myself a video editing challenge back in January - and I crushed it! Back in 2019, I quit video editing for many months because I didn’t have the motivation to continue doing so. But then in December last year, I found a BUNCH of my old (and I mean, VERY old) videos I’d made as a kid. And it re-invigorated my love for video editing because I realized how far I’d come and that I wanted to do it more! So I told myself: one video a month. Twelve in one year. That’s it. Do that. And I ended up making TWENTY videos this year! I’m so proud of myself!

I even made MORE than twenty videos. A few of these just aren’t published. I made a few more “educational” videos because I’m considering making a brand new Youtube channel dedicated to History and pop culture! I don’t know if it’ll end up being… you know… a thing, but hey! Why not?

I also made some unpublished short edits for a possible Instagram account I’d like to create, too! All for Titanic. An example of those short videos can be found here! Again, I don’t know if that Instagram account will end up being… a thing… but I have faith!

Cosplay:

I got back into cosplay this year! And I learned new skills thanks to it! I learned how to work with EVA foam to create my own Blue Spirit mask (using this tutorial!). There’s a few projects currently on the backburner, but I’m sure I’ll come back to them eventually!

I also learned recently how to sew a pair of opera gloves (because haha, fuck you if you want to buy any that aren’t in size small!) for a Rose Dewitt-Bukater cosplay with my sewing machine I bought way back in like… March… but was honestly too afraid to use. But I did it! I pushed through my fear and I did it! I’ve been practicing more and more with my sewing machine as I repurpose old clothes for my cosplay. And it’s going great!

Writing:

I got back into fanfic! I hadn’t written ANYTHING fanfic related in a while, especially not multi-chapter fics. But this year, I finished THREE novel-length fanfictions. My fanfics The Prince’s Bride, my Star Wars/The Princess Bride AU, and Never Let Me Go, my Avatar: The Last Airbender/Titanic AU, are currently all published on AO3! I haven’t been much in the Star Wars fandom since writing The Prince’s Bride, but I did meet @stressedinadress with who I talk about Star Wars and anything in particular! Thank you for being my friend!

My other novel-length fic, All roads lead to Paris, a Miraculous Ladybug/A Monster in Paris/Ratatouille crossover fic is currently being uploaded every Wednesdays! I’ve also written a Titanic/The Great Gatsby crossover one-shot called Make it count; Meet me at the clock that had been living in my brain for years but I’d never had the guts to write it. But then I did!

I’m especially proud of Never Let Me Go. Not that I’m not proud of my other fics, but this one in particular has a very special place in my heart. It’s the longest story I’ve EVER written and made me love Titanic all over again. Zuko and Katara were the perfect characters to be cast as Jack and Rose. I got back into drawing entirely thanks to this fic. I’d been telling myself “I can’t draw to save my life” for YEARS but then I decided to try again and I’m much better than I was back then! I’m so humbled by all the comments, all the bookmarks, the kudos and the love this story has received. We’ve JUST REACHED 5000 HITS!! Before the end of the year!! That’s so AWESOME!!

I’m tentatively coming back to original fiction after writing a lot of fanfic, especially a Greek Mythology retelling (which is, you know, fanfiction but with stories that don’t have copyrights!). I think writing fanfiction really helped me figure out what I love about writing and has helped me tremendously in creating my own style and voice. It’s been an incredible journey and yes, my Greek Mythology retelling was inspired by a Zutara Greek Mythology AU! So you know, I’m staying on-brand! haha

I’m also currently working on another ATLA fic, heavily inspired by my “what I would have wanted for LOK” post you can find here. It’s going to be much, MUCH shorter than Never Let Me Go, but it’s already longer than Not Like Everyone Else, so I’m really happy with this one. A bunch of bite-sized chapters in the POVs of all these lovely characters after the War and my take on where they should have ended up - and the world.

Zutara:

And finally, but certainly not the least, I got back into the Zutara fandom and really contributed! I made metas I’m really proud of (like this one on Katara’s abandonment issues you can find here!). I wrote the aforementioned fanfic Never Let Me Go. I even made a video about Zutara after my latest rewatch of ATLA (you can watch ZUTARA | Zuko x Katara - BATTLESHIPS here!).

I also made friends along the way! @darkcrowprincess​, @harharj​, @angelsabloom​ and, more recently, @heavensweetheart​. I wanted to thank you for putting up with my weird rants and obsessions! :)

We’re all such a lovely bunch and don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere! I want to thank, especially, @firelxdykatara​, @antarcticasx​, @my-bated-breath​, @peartarts​,  @pineapple-frenzy​ and @hayleynfoster​ for your metas, fics, art, etc.!  You’ve been making my 2020 better. This isn’t an exhaustive list, so if I’ve forgotten someone, I’m so sorry! 

Also I hope everyone who have been harassed recently, like @babytreehugger​, knows that we’re all standing behind you and supporting you.

This is a really special fandom indeed. It took me years before I could rewatch ATLA knowing Zutara wasn’t endgame, but even if it hurts that they’re not canon, we have countless fics, art, poems, animatics, even published authors whose books are basically Zutara AUs! As stated by those same authors! Isn’t that amazing?? WE HAVE A STAR!! WE HAVE A FRICKING STAR!!! Has anyone forgotten that??

And look. I’ve been, for the past few years, in the Star Wars fandom. I’ve been in many different fandoms over the years. It’s been… rough. But I’ve never seen such an encouraging, loving, compassionate fandom. I know it can be difficult outside of our fandom, especially with people fighting on Twitter and Instagram and even on Tumblr with people harassing others. But this fandom, fifteen years later, is so smart, so kind, so positive and so inspiring. 

If you’ve been reading up ‘till now, thank you! 

Also: You can do whatever you set your mind to! I believe in you! Go do the thing if you want to! And never forget to be kind to yourself. 

Happy holidays! Let’s hope (fingers crossed!) that 2021 will be a better year. 

thevictorianghost