#I’ll have to surf back through my blog

[scoups4lyfe]

Wait Scoups, did u even finish Revice Mystery 3?

I'm looking in the tags and only found the beginning

SS

oH—

FVCK

[wooimbouttamakeanameformyself]

Okay listen hoes.

I’ve been surfing these anti Danneel, anti Jenneel, anti this and anti that tags for like… over a year. I’ve always been watching from the sidelines with my lil bag of popcorn, given an anon ask every now and again to other blogs, but never bothered to make a post about it. Because I didn’t think it was relevant, correction, I didn’t think Elta was relevant enough to make a venting post about — which is why I’m baffled as to why she even has stans — but also I just figured in the long run, none of our speculations, opinions or posts about this lady mean anything to anyone.

Actually, I may be incorrect there, as the AA’s may butcher me, or worse… Danneel may get Cliff to make another post… sheesh!

But anyway, seeing this latest Wales con, I got a real bad case of FOMO and decided I wanna bitch on tumblr as well (no hate to the bitches, I love scrolling through everyone bitching about the ‘perfect’ couple)

Here’s my take on everything, even tho no one asked:

Yes, it is painfully, horribly, excruciatingly obvious that those two don’t even like each other let alone love each other.

But I’ve seen some people and blogs talk about Danneel physically abuse Jensen, which I just don’t personally believe — each to their own opinion, though — but I just personally haven’t seen any evidence or receipts of that being true. Emotional abuse, yes, verbal abuse, definitely. But physical is something I ain’t gonna say I think is happening.

Danneel’s a bitch, as we all know, as the stans like to pretend isn’t true. But I really don’t think Jensen’s a saint or a victim — and I say he isn’t a victim only because in the end, looking over the financial consequences and the custody of the kids thing that would come with a divorce, she has little hold over him. He has the fame, the money, and what do you wanna bet that all of the Elta followers would do a 180 on their ‘Kween’ if Jensen ever spoke up about anything? And by no means am I suggesting that men can’t be victims before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m just saying that Jensen has the capability to fight back to her or leave her if he wanted to.

But he won’t, because — and I’m bracing myself for the hate I’ll get for this — he’s also kind of a narcissist and a liar!!! 😱😱😱 surprised I’m still writing and wasn’t just assassinated on the spot for saying that lols! Dare I say… he’s just as bad as Danneel in some aspects? That he has pretty privilege? Though not so much anymore since he and Danneel have clearly started doing couples Botox sessions. Wooof I’m really pushing my luck.

Trailed off a lil there, but what I was supposed to say is that he won’t because he’s embedded some kind of belief into his mind that his career will crash and burn if he doesn’t have his perfect ‘family man’ image. Even though let’s be honest about two things, your marriage is probably doing more harm than good to your image, and buddy, you’re a c-list actor who’s acting range is zero to none — I mean, he couldn’t stand playing anyone other than Dean Winchester that he tried, and failed, to make a spin off of Supernatural just so he got to play a brooding, macho hunter again. Though look how that turned out — your career isn’t some sacred artefact that can’t dare even be scratched, all he does these days is make money from cons, and a very occasional cameo playing as Dean in a different font. I’m worried the dude has Foreign Accent Syndrome but with Dean Winchester — as in he’s done it for that long that its irreversibly in his consciousness, to the point Danneel has to tell him to stop being Dean at home (sure she got a dig out of him mentioning that in the panel)

But I’m trying to focus talking about this con so far — even though I’ve trailed off multiple times already — first of all, ignoring the fact it’s insane that Danneel’s even at a Suoernatural con when her character (which was a nepotism role) wasn’t even in a full season, served no purpose, wasn’t even a likeable character — unless you like vapid, vain, and poorly portrayed characters — and added nothing to the storyline. And yet she gets treated like she’s a main cast member? Half of Dean’s flings who were in half an episode served more to the plot that Anael did in the whole five episodes she was on the show! And it pissed me off that Danneel’s getting the sort of treatment of main cast when Gen’s character was actually important to the plot, yet she wasn’t at the con. Not that I think Gen’s that bothered, which shows the difference between her and Danneel.

And apparently she auditioned for every single female role??? HUH?? Are we talking about the same Ms Gurl who made fun of Supernatural in the earlier seasons, claimed to not wanting to interfere as it was Jensen’s thing, demeaned and made fun of fans on twitter, criticised her own husband’s role and showed doubt of the series duration??? Make it make sense.

I’m kind of relieved Jensen hasn’t shared any of his made up domestic stories of them, to try and make it seem like they can even stand each other, although it would’ve been interesting to see him talk about it with Danneel there — just to see her reaction, cause I’m certain Jensen just makes up these stories as he goes along. But I guess my guy couldn’t even manage that, probably not after how much Elta knocked him down in front of everyone — she barely did anything else other than make jabs at him the whole time. Surprised my girl didn’t go blue from all the snarky remarks she was making.

Oh wait, it’s ‘sarcasm’, right? Silly me, I forgot that ‘that’s how they are with each other’ 😐😐😐 even AA’s have spoke up about her behaviour in this con — shows how much effort those two are bothering putting in to keep up the image. But hey, I’m proud that some of the delusional Jenneel shippers have developed a frontal lobe, probably because their self-insert isn’t doing what they want her to be doing!

Anyway that’s all from me, my thumbs hurt, can’t believe I wrote so much. Free will is a crazy thing. Excited to see what kind of hate I get from this ✌️😝

This ain’t grammar checked before anyone bullies me.

[sluttywonwoo]

instead of you [part seven] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either. 

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex

word count: 3.6k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!! ; i know minho is the chef of the group but just suspend your disbelief for this series and pretend it’s jisung

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

The following morning came way too fast for your liking. Jisung snoozed his alarm three times and you were still passed out by the time he finally shook you awake. You followed the plan that he’d outlined, using makeup to cover the hickey as best you could. You could still see some purple peeking through if you squinted, but you hoped no one would look at your neck that closely. 

Since you’d worn matching t-shirts yesterday you weren’t being forced to coordinate outfits today. You didn’t even pay attention to the clothes you threw on before you were tying your hair out of your face and walking out the door with Jisung. 

You held his hand, half out of habit, half to steady yourself. You were even more sore than you had been yesterday, like you had predicted, and were having trouble staying upright. 

The rest of the Hans were already in the lobby waiting for you to join them. 

Dom took notice of your wobbly state right away as you stumbled down the stairs with Jisung’s help and cracked a smile. “Can you walk?” he joked. 

Both Minho and Felix whipped their attention towards you but avoided your eyes, expressions unreadable. You could feel Jisung smirking behind you, his hand resting on the small of your back. 

You just grinned sheepishly and nodded. “I’m just sore from yesterday, that’s all.” 

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jisung’s brothers exchange a look and you wanted to die in the spot. You knew they thought you were lying, knew they thought you were sore for a completely different reason. You clearly hadn’t thought your plans from last night through, because this was mortifying. 

“Well do some stretches because we’re going to be doing a lot more walking today,” he exclaimed cheerfully. 

“I’ll be sure to do that,” you promised him half-heartedly, cheeks burning. 

-

You and Jisung lagged behind the rest of the group, like usual, as Dom and Nikki led the way to the first stop of the day. You paused for breakfast at a different, but similar, café and Minho ordered an assortment of baked goods for the six of you to share. Everyone was quiet as they ate, exhaustion already starting to take its toll on the family. 

You were only one day in and your energy was fading. Thankfully, there would be a few days of rest between France and Italy, but until then you were stuck running on empty. 

-

You almost strangled Minho when he elected to take the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower instead of taking the elevators, but kept your composure and settled for mumbling complaints to yourself as you trekked up the 1665 stairs with the rest of the Hans. 

“How are you not sore?” you groaned, low enough so that only Jisung would hear. 

“I am, I’m just not dramatic about it like some people.”

“I will push you off of this goddamn tower right fucking now,” you threatened. 

Your best friend gave you an amused look. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Don’t test me.”

“I’m used to this,” Jisung explained. “Twenty-something years of Han Family Vacations trained me for this moment.”

“Do you guys ever just go to the beach?”

“We do. But there’s lots to do at the beach too. Surfing, volleyball, football, jet skiing, snorkeling, scuba diving-”

“Oh my god, do you people know how to relax?”

“No, not really. It’s not something we’re particularly good at.”

“I guess that explains why you’re all good at everything else.”

If you thought you were winded by the time you made it to the second level of the structure, it was nothing compared to when you reached the top. Your legs felt like jelly and your lungs were on fire. You also felt like you might be sick but that had more to do with your debilitating fear of heights than it did with being winded. 

At least you were able to take comfort in the fact that everyone else was also out of breath. Felix was even doubled over with his hands on his knees, wincing like he had just been kicked in the stomach. 

“Yup, definitely going to feel that tomorrow,” Minho grunted, stretching an arm across his chest. 

“And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself,” you added bitterly. 

He dropped his arm and smiled at you, cocking his head to the side in a playful manner. Sweat had started to gather along his brow, making his bangs stick to his forehead. His hair was a bit lighter than Jisung’s, and not as wild. From what you could tell Minho didn’t make as much effort to style his hair as Jisung did, at least, if he didn’t have anywhere important to go. Minho could get away with leaving his hair down straight, while Jisung had to fight with his curls in the mirror for a minimum of fifteen minutes before he considered himself presentable. He’d let it grow past his shoulders if you let him, but whenever it began to curl up around his ears you always begged him to cut it, insisting that a mullet wouldn’t do him any favors. 

Minho was still smiling at you and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him. 

“What?” you demanded. 

“Nothing,” he said earnestly, shaking his head. “I’m just surprised you still have a voice, that’s all.”

There went your face again, burning with embarrassment. You could feel Minho’s gaze on your neck and brought your hand up to it subconsciously, fingers brushing over where Jisung had given you the hickey. Had you already sweat your makeup off? It wouldn’t surprise you given the heat and amount of exercise you had just done. 

But if Jisung had noticed it, he didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t say anything else about last night for the rest of the day. 

“Want a drink?” Jisung piped up from behind you, putting a hand on your waist. 

“I already have a water bottle,” you replied in confusion. 

“No, like a drink,” he clarified and tipped his hand towards his mouth with his thumb and pinky out, nodding at something behind him. 

It was a champagne bar, and it had just opened for the day, but there was already a significant line formed at the counter. It seemed as if all of the visitors were eager to start day drinking as soon as humanly possible. 

You considered Jisung’s suggestion and shrugged. When were you going to get the chance to drink champagne on top of the Eiffel Tower again? And if everyone was doing it, you might as well join…

Jisung rallied his brothers to go order for your party while you waited with his parents. Dom and Nikki decided to go look out over the edge of the balcony while you stayed back, having already pushed the limits with your fear of heights. You people-watched instead, observing the numerous couples and families enjoying their vacations. 

You felt a tap on your shoulder and turned around to Jisung offering you a flute of rose champagne. The glass was cold to the touch and it soothed your warm skin. You clinked your glass against his in cheers and took a small sip. The bubbles felt good on your throat and you had to remind yourself not to chug the rest in front of Jisung’s family. Despite what they already knew about you, you still wanted to keep up appearances as much as possible. 

“This is pretty romantic, isn’t it?” Jisung remarked, staring off at the surrounding city.

“It would be if I wasn’t sweating my ass off,” you sighed. 

He chuckled and shook his head. “The alcohol is just going to make it worse.” 

“I know,” you groaned, “but it’s cold and it makes my brain feel tingly so I’m going to ignore that.”

“A couple more of these and you won’t be able to walk back down the stairs.”

“I’m already not able to walk back down the stairs. I can barely feel my fucking legs,” you complained, taking a bigger sip of your champagne. 

“Maybe we should have trained you for this,” Jisung joked. “Like how athletes train for marathons or something.”

“I don’t think it would’ve helped,” you admitted.

He shrugged and downed the last of his drink in one go. “Guess we’ll never know.”

-

You and Jisung spent your free day roaming around the city by yourselves. You visited the bookstore Minho had told you about and Jisung bought you a couple of books- despite your protests. He insisted that it was part of his duties as your fake boyfriend as well as compensation for agreeing to be his fake girlfriend and who were you to deny him? You actually did try to deny him, several times. But he was annoying enough to get you to break so you let him buy you some paperbacks off of your to-read list and a French translation of your favorite novel. 

By the evening you were both too tired to stray much further than where you had found yourselves so you were content to stay put and wander the surrounding streets together. 

Notre Dame was across the street from the book shop so you made your way over there so that you could stare up at it in awe. The cathedral was still closed for construction so there wasn’t much to do there other than take a picture in front of it while making an obscene gesture at the camera. 

After that Jisung led you down the steps to the Seine river where you sat in comfortable silence together. You perched yourselves on the edge of the water, Jisung sitting cross-legged with you laying your head in his lap, and left each other to your own devices. You started reading one of your new books and Jisung pulled out his camera to capture what was happening around you.

The sun was beginning to set behind the tall arched roofs, bathing the city in soft pinkish-orange light. The water was too choppy to make out a proper reflection of the sunset, but you could still catch glimpses of pink clouds and fading blue sky if you really tried. 

Slowly, the noise and life around you died down along with daylight. Pedestrians and bikers were fewer and fewer until there were hardly any at all. You and Jisung waved to the ferries and party boats as they passed, delighting in the blinking lights and honking horns you got in return. 

It wasn’t long until Jisung convinced you to pack up your things with him to head back to the hotel. You slept in the taxi on the way home.

-

The rest of the French leg of the vacation consisted of a bus trip to Versailles, a day exploring the historical neighborhoods of Provence, and an afternoon getting lost in Cassis before you were getting your passport stamped at the Port du Cassis to travel to Italy. 

Italy was Jisung’s choice, being the foodie of the group. He was interested in the touristy stuff too, but his main motivation for choosing Italy was the culinary aspect.

You wouldn’t arrive for a couple of days though, since you were traveling by fucking yacht. The plan was to set sail from Cassis and take the scenic route through the Mediterranean Sea all the way to Venice. 

You had been in shock when you first stepped on board the Fallin’ Flower and you were still shocked an hour later once you had been dismissed to unpack. You had never been on a yacht before and you weren’t entirely convinced that you were on one now. You thought you might have been dreaming. 

“What do your parents do again?” you mumbled in disbelief as you settled into your own little cabin with Jisung. 

“Uh, Dad’s a writer. He does some stand-up comedy. Mom’s got her own photography business.”

You looked up at the crystal chandelier above the bed. “Are you sure your family doesn’t have any gang affiliation?”

Jisung laughed and shook his head. “You still haven’t figured it out?”

“Figured what out?”

“Minho.”

“What about Minho?”

“He’s the one paying for most of this.”

“What? How? He’s only like twenty-something!”

“He’s a dancer.”

“Like on Broadway?”

“Try K-pop.”

“Damn,” you whispered, feeling almost numb with shock that your best friend was related to someone famous. “Is he any good?”

“A lot of people seem to think so,” he said with a shrug. “Nowadays he mostly choreographs for groups but he used to be a backup dancer for BTS and is pretty well known in the industry and related circles, especially among their fans.”

Suddenly it all made sense. The Audi, the yacht- why Minho always had his hood up like he wanted to blend in. A fucking K-pop idol. Kind of. 

“You probably don’t remember this,” Jisung added after a moment’s pause, “but when we first met I asked if you liked K-pop.”

“And that’s how you decided if we could be friends or not,” you concluded.

Jisung nodded. “You said you’d never listened to a single song. So I knew you’d like me for me.”

“Do people really try to use you just to get to your brother?” you asked.

“You’d be surprised.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is.”

Silence fell between the two of you as you continued to put away your things. 

“I can’t believe you never told me your brother is famous.” 

“I know. I’m sorry,” he sighed. “Are you mad?” 

You considered your answer before you said it. It did sting a little that Jisung wouldn’t tell you something as big as this, you were under the impression that you told each other everything, but you understood why. Even though it made it seem like he didn’t completely trust you. 

“No,” you answered finally. “I’m not mad. I’m a little hurt, we’ve been friends for so long, but I get why you wouldn’t want to tell me.”

“It’s not that I thought you’d see me differently, or ditch me for my brother, but I was selfish. I wanted to keep you to myself for as long as possible.” His admission took you by surprise but made you feel warm regardless, even if it didn’t fully make sense to you. “It was never about you,” he assured you. “It was always about him.”

You nodded and cleared your throat awkwardly. Neither of you had ever been very good at the deep stuff. 

“I think I’m going to go lay out on the deck,” you said, grabbing one of your bikinis from your open suitcase. “You wanna come?”

Jisung declined, mumbling something about a sunburn waiting to happen, and opted to nap in the cabin instead. He promised to join you later and laid back on the bed, left arm covering his eyes. 

You changed into your swimsuit and made your way up to the top deck of the boat where Nikki and Minho were laid out in sun chairs already, chatting about the view of the water. 

“Y/n!” Nikki exclaimed when you entered her field of vision. She sat up and pushed her sunglasses back to look at you properly. “I’m so glad to see you up and about, come join us!”

You swallowed thickly and approached the two, sitting gingerly on the edge of a lounge chair across from them. Minho shot you a glance and smiled easily. You waited for the weird feeling or the nervousness to come, now that you knew more about who he really was, but it didn’t. He was still just Minho to you. You were much more nervous talking to Jisung’s mom. 

“Where’s Jisung?” Nikki asked, voicing what Minho must’ve also been thinking.

“He’s resting in our room,” you explained. “I wanted to catch a bit of sun before it set so it’s just me for now.”

“That’s good too,” she said, her smile matching Minho’s. “I’ve been meaning to tell you how happy I am that you’re tagging along with us!”

“I think you told her, mum,” Minho pointed out, sounding embarrassed on Jisung’s behalf. 

“I know, but I just meant that the more I get to know you the more I can see why you make Jisung so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.”

You felt a pang of guilt twist in your chest, another one of those nagging thoughts telling you that what you were doing was wrong. It’s true that you made Jisung happy, just not in the way his mom thought. 

“I don’t know if he told you this,” she continued, “but we’ve never met one of his girlfriends. So when he told us about you-”

“Mom,” Minho interrupted, sliding his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to give her a look. 

Nikki pursed her lips together and took the cue from her eldest. “Sorry, I won’t embarrass Jisung anymore while he isn’t here to defend himself.”

“When he’s present it’s fair game?” you guessed. 

“Exactly. Same goes for all my boys.” The last part was clearly directed at Jisung who tsked in exasperation and put his AirPods in. 

You watched your best friend’s mother pick up the book that had been laying flat on her stomach and resume reading it, prompting you to fish a book of your own out from your tote bag. 

“Oh, hon, don’t forget to put on sunscreen,” Nikki reminded you suddenly, “you might not burn as easily as our family, but it’s still important to protect your skin. If you need some you can borrow some of ours.”

“That would be great, actually.” 

Nikki passed a tube of sunscreen to Minho who passed it to you. You smiled gratefully and immediately began applying the lotion to your arms and legs. You hoped Jisung’s mom didn’t think any less of you for forgetting something so important. You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, but internally you were docking yourself points from the Hans’ overall impression of you. 

Once you covered every part of your body that you could reach you were left with a dilemma. You still needed sunscreen on your back. You could either ask your supposed boyfriend’s mom to help you apply it, or your supposed boyfriend’s older brother. Neither option was ideal, nor was walking all the way back downstairs and waking up the aforementioned supposed boyfriend just to put sunscreen on your back. 

You’d just ask his mom. No big deal. It was like asking an aunt, right? There was no reason you couldn’t-

When you looked back over to Nikki you realized that she had fallen asleep. Her book lay abandoned on her shoulder, likely still turned to the same page it had been when she last picked it up a few minutes ago. You debated waking her up, but decided against it.

It was fine. You could just burn. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal. You wouldn’t stay out in the sun for too long anyway…. but you knew Jisung would be mad at you if you did. And Nikki would be disappointed if she found out that you had gotten a sunburn literally right after she had told you to put sunblock on. 

It wouldn’t be a big deal to ask Minho if you didn’t make it a big deal. All you had to do was get up the courage and-

“Do you need help?”

You almost screamed when you heard Minho break the silence. It was as if he could read your mind- not that it was hard to when you had your arms wrapped awkwardly around your torso, hands covered in white lotion trying to reach your back with little success. 

“Uh, yeah. Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

Minho stood from his chair and crossed the deck to yours where he situated himself behind you on the cushion, straddling the metal frame of the chair. He held one of his hands out for your to wipe the sunscreen off of yours so that he could apply it.

“I’m going to start with your neck, okay?” he asked. You nodded in response. “It might be a little cold.”

You braced yourself for his touch, but still tensed when you felt his fingers on your skin for the first time. The lotion was cold, and a shiver rolled down your spine as he began to rub it in. His hands were strong. It was impossible not to notice with the way he was massaging the sunscreen into your shoulders. Your breath hitched when he slid a finger under one of your bikini straps and pushed it to the side. He muttered a tight “sorry” as he worked on the areas that had been covered by the straps and quickly moved on to your lower back. 

You told him it was fine, but your voice was shaky. You tried to tell yourself that it was fine, but you were less convinced. 

Minho was a friend, friends did this for each other all the time. But your body was betraying you. Your heart was racing, and you couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or… something else. Something else that you wouldn’t let yourself think about. 

It wasn’t even that hot out, but you were sweating, and you prayed Minho couldn’t feel it. You breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled your straps back up to where they had been sitting on your shoulders, only for your relief to be cut short as he slipped his hand under the band across your back with more sunscreen.

And as luck would fucking have it another voice piped up from out of nowhere. A voice belonging to your best friend. 

“What did I miss?”

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add yourself to my taglist here!!

[sharptoothed-gaze]

Hello everybody, Sharp is back in the building!!

I know that the amount of people that care is probably very limited, but I just wanted to let y’all know that I’ve returned from my, thankfully, relatively short break. As a result, I now have a lot more of my life in order, which is good news.

So yeah, I’m glad to be back and I especially want to give a big thank you to everyone who wished me well on my last post. A good community has been built in the fandom space, and I’m forever grateful for y’all <3

(Also I’ve been gone for a bit over a week, which is a million years in qsmp time! If you have any updates on what’s been going on with the server I’d appreciate them. Both silly and discourse related are welcome while I surf through everyone’s blogs. You can send me asks or comment on this post and I’ll read it. Thanks!)

[oneeyawn]

Oh!! I totally get that!! All the ones you named are so pretty hehe!

I can totes picture you in soft colors!! (Despite the fact I’ve never seen you before..) You have a really warm personality, so I can imagine someone like that rocking pretty clothes like that! It just clicks in my head!

AAA!! I love Lolita as well!! I’m in the same boat where the only reason I don’t think I’ll ever dress in it is due to how expensive it is!! That doesn’t stop me from surfing online shops and daydreaming about a reality where they weren’t so much money!

I can definitely tell you read a lot! As I said, you seem very knowledgeable in the things you want to know about, and I find that to be such a cool thing!! On the topic of books, any you find particularly lovely? :3

(Extra tiny side note that I’m so very appreciative of you really nice responses, it takes a lot of courage in the first place to even send an ask, so seeing your responses make me feel 100x more comfortable!)

Hello, Green Friend!! I am so sorry to answer this so late! When my health issues get really bad, I tend to hibernate until I feel better or until I end up going to the doctor... And I have an appointment tomorrow! Woohoo!

AHHH you are so kind to me friend ;; I do love those soft, cozy things. Gosh, I hope you can find a way to enjoy lolita fashion one day. I know it is very expensive, but I keep hoping it goes down a lot more. Maybe I should learn to sew my own dresses... Who knows! Maybe we will reach our dreams after all!

Yes, I read a lot actually! Well, used to read a lot, but now I read a lot less... But I still love reading when I can get myself to sit down and do it.

Oh geez, I am a huge sci-fi short story enjoyer. They are usually really easy to read, with strong concepts that leave you a bit contemplative at the end. I also kind of enjoy memoirs but I think in the same way I really enjoy reading people's blogs, it is nice to see what everyone is dealing with and how their struggles and triumphs eventually work themselves out. I like to see the human spirit fighting in real time, I guess?

As for suggestions for novels, that is a little harder... Since I have not read as much recently .-. but! Give me a day or so, and I will try to go back through readings I enjoy and try to find some good reqs for you!!

And I do want to thank you again!!! You have been so nice, and I really love chatting with you!!

[dashawns-world]

Advance Guardian Heroes

Ah, here it is. Advance Guardian Heroes. Despite its numerous faults, this is in my top 3 GBA games, alongside Sonic Advance 2 and Pokemon Emerald. Seriously, this game had a massive impact on me. I’m talking about staying up all night trying to draw like this. To this day, I struggle to capture the magical essence of Tetsuhiko Kikuchi’s (aka HAN’s) art style, but a LOT of his design philosophies bled into my own growing up. And while I believe we’re in a beat-em-up game renaissance now, I remember this being the only ���modern” one I f*cked with for a while. Thanks primarily in part to being made by the legendary game developers Treasure. Seriously, when it comes to making fun games, they don’t miss. I’m basically gonna spend my time gushing about it. I will also point out its very glaring flaws, haha. I started this blog to dive deep into why I like the things I like, after all. I’m hoping to have a better understanding by the end of this!

PRESENTATION

I’m really particular when it comes to art style. I’m not elitist about what others should like or dislike, but I have written things off because I dislike how they look. Everyone has their tastes; that’s not groundbreaking info. AGH is absolutely in the realm of what I love, though. The art direction has this late 80s/90s anime look that I really adore. I don’t draw like that at all, but when I look at it, it reminds me of when anime was an extremely new thing to me. Some faces skew toward that How-to-Draw-Manga territory, but I love it. It has… an identity.

The game itself translates this very well with the sprites. I think part of Treasure’s game’s strength wasn’t just in their mechanics but their animation and design sense. It’s one thing to have a heavy punch attack, but when the sprites accurately convey that, you really feel it, even through your little game boy.

The anticipation, line of action, OOF. It feels so good when you pull this off, and your enemy goes flying. 

This game had neat ideas, too. My favorite, FAVORITE one they have is the stage where debris is falling, and you get to fight while trying not to fall out of bounds. It could be a hassle, but the game has a mechanic where you air dash to get onto the nearest platform. You can get back to one, even if you’ve exhausted all your animations from attacking. It takes all the frustration/difficulty away from you and leaves you with a unique stage hazard.

I love a LOT of the stages in this game, and they all have such cool gimmicks for a beat-em-up. One stage starts with you riding a damn missile (you’re in control btw. You have to hop from missile to missile.) to get to the enemy airship you’re about to destroy. Another stage has you surfing on your ship down a river, where you fend off goblin riders and then an actual ninja. I’m telling you, if there’s a rule of cool, Treasure defined it. 

Only an ancient hero can make an entrance like that. Honestly, the game’s a treat for the eyes. In my opinion, it’s one of the best-looking games for the GBA. And you can trust me, I’ve played less than a quarter of the GBA library. 

GAMEPLAY

Here’s where we run into some of the game’s faults. I’ll start by saying the game isn’t broken. It’s functional where it counts. The problem is the immense slow-down when you’re playing. :( I’ll always be a little sad that this got stuck on a Gameboy and not, like, the Gamecube. The original Guardian Heroes was on the Sega Saturn, ran smooth, AND looked good. The little GBA struggled so hard with this gem. But otherwise, I really enjoy the mechanics. I still play the game to this day, and I believe it’s because they nailed the fighting. I’m not going to talk specifics about the gameplay because I’m not a game critic, but I will talk a little bit about how it feels.

This game scratched an itch I had at the time for a good DBZ beat-em-up. Your character can shoot out all types of magic attacks, has a hyper mode that flashes golden (super saiyan), and can even parry attacks if you’re good at timing your blocks. This helped the combat feel a lot more in-depth. They used a currency to level up your character’s stats in the single-player mode. Leftover points could be used for unlocking characters. And that’s another thing; From the nameless soldiers to the little goblins with clubs, to the giant robots with city-ending lasers, to every damn boss except the final one, They ALL can be selected. And not just in VS mode. (Yes, it had a vs mode. No, I never played it. Nobody but me owned this game.) But in STORY MODE as well (except for the city-ending robot, I think they said no to that one for obvious reasons.) That leads to a ridiculous amount of replayability for a kid with 3 GBA games. I love games that let you do this. My favorite character to play was Dylan, because he had the coolest moveset. 

This is the face of a guy that knows he’s the best character in the game.

There was also a mechanic I thought was interesting, even if it was kind of useless lol. If your character ever died, the devil (that’s what I called it, but it’s just the big bad) would ask you if you wanted to come back to life and fight. You’d only get six minutes of immunity before they’d take your soul, and you’d get an instant game over. It’s a neat idea but really impractical, haha. I wonder if it could be used better today with roguelike games…? If I were given this deal and thought I could complete a run in 6 minutes, that’d be cool. It would be even more cool if I got a different ending this way. I think in AGH, even if you did make it to the end within six minutes, the Big Bad would kill you on the spot. Fact-check me on that, tho.

STORY

Man… this is where the game really falls short. The biggest issue was the poor translation. The story continued where the original left off; was it the bad ending? 

Here’s what Wikipedia says (lol I'm sorry, It’s easier to paste than rewrite it.)

“The story follows the events of Guardian Heroes. After the Undead Hero was returned to his rest, the heroes were given the option of becoming the Sky Spirit's perfect warriors. The group was divided, with Nicole, Serena, and Valgar joining the Sky Spirit, and Han and Genjiro refusing. Randy escaped back to earth on his own, leaving Han and Genjiro to fight a losing battle against their former comrades.

Years later, Zur returns. He resurrects Kanon and uses the power of the Guardian Heroes to take over the world. The few remaining resistance forces call upon the power of the Undead Hero once again, with one young soldier giving up his body to serve as its vessel.

Throughout the game, the character fights the previous heroes and earns their power. Ultimately, it is revealed this is another attempt by the heavens to create the ultimate warrior. In the final battle against the ruler of the heavens, all heroes gather to defeat it and subsequently leave for the Other World.”

I don’t hate this!! But it’s told very poorly. We’re not given cutscenes to flesh out anything or anyone. Some characters are only portraits. For example, the player is the young soldier, but once their body gets taken by the hero, they don’t talk again. I didn’t know anything about them. We also don’t really see the resistance fighting Zur and Kanon. It’s basically just us, with some casual assists via dialogue boxes. Honestly, it’s not really worth talking about much more, haha. I always thought it had potential if it was fleshed out. That’s why I would make up my own story as I played. I would fill in the blanks and re-imagine the scenarios.

For example, the game starts with the young soldier getting into a fight before receiving the power of the undead hero. They show how weak you are, having you die in one hit by random goons before the princess pulls the undead hero’s soul into your lifeless body. (Like, wow, this soldier sucked. RIP tho.) If you choose Enn as your starting character, he gets recolored, and you’re strong enough to fight. Yipee! 

My made-up story was that something went wrong with the princess’ spell, and instead of being a fabulous, powered-up man, you turned into a goblin. (Because remember, you can play as almost every damn character in the game.) I imagined the princess’s bewilderment as a little chubby goblin said, “Hey! Undead hero, here! Let’s do this.” before single-handedly destroying the entire evil empire. It was funny to me!

And I think that’s ultimately what I got from reminiscing about this game’s poor plot. Games used to be a lot simpler. And translation wasn’t always top-notch like it is now. When I was younger, maybe out of necessity, I used my imagination to fill in the blanks. When I played Pokemon, I’d pretend I was truly on a journey with my little guys. And when I fought Red in Gold and Silver, I imagined how epic that was. I drew moments from Sonic games. Playing outside, I’d pretend I was Link on an adventure. My sister and I would play Super Bomberman 1P mode together, and since she was new to it, I’d call her rookie. That dynamic ultimately bled into my Brothers Boom comic. (This is a revelation I had pretty recently, and I’m surprised I buried it so deep into my mind.) Now, as an adult, where my imagination is a bit harder to conjure up because my head isn’t as empty, I reminisce about the times when everything inspired me. I’m not miserable, though, lol. Instead, I think fondly about those times. I really gotta hand it to Treasure because they live up to their namesake. Playing Advance Guardian Heroes was a significant source of inspiration for me, and I’m glad I found it.

Thanks for reading!

[daimonclub]

Halloween great quotes

Halloween great quotes and aphorisms Halloween great quotes and aphorisms, 50 famous and amazing ideas for your pleasure by the World of English or English-culture.com blog Halloween for the year 2022 is celebrated/observed on Monday, October 31st. What the dead had no speech for, when living, They can tell you, being dead: the communication Of the dead is tongued with fire beyond the language of the living. T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets Be silent in that solitude, Which is not loneliness – for then The spirits of the dead, who stood In life before thee, are again In death around thee, and their will Shall overshadow thee; be still. Edgar Allan Poe If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. Doug Coupland The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. H P Lovecraft Be wary then; best safety lies in fear. William Shakespeare Treats and tricks. Witch broomsticks. Jack-o-lanterns Lick their lips. Crows and cats. Vampire bats. Capes and fangs And pointed hats. Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s Upon us now. Richelle E. Goodrich It’s Halloween, The night we all play, Trick or treat, We won’t go away. Be we ghoul or goblin, ghost, We’ll knock on your door, To see who scares you the most. Anthony T.Hincks Halloween shadows played upon the walls of the houses. In the sky the Halloween moon raced in and out of the clouds. The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right-sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” Eleanor Estes The jack-o-lantern follows me with tapered, glowing eyes. His yellow teeth grin evily. His cackle I despise. But I shall have the final laugh when Halloween is through. This pumpkin king I’ll split in half to make a pie for two.” Richelle E. Goodrich There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight. Anonymous Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, “Tonight is Halloween!” Dexter Kozen On Hallows Eve, we witches meet to broil and bubble tasty treats like goblin thumbs with venom dip, crisp bat wings, and fried fingertips. Richelle E. Goodrich Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October’s days. Author Unknown

Halloween quotes by English-culture Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Christmas and the others can end up making you sad, because you know you should be happy. But on Halloween you get to become anything that you want to be” Ava Dellaira Halloween is fun, but it wasn't always my favorite holiday. I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Tobin Bell Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. William Shakespeare When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers, ‘tis near Halloween. Author Unknown We are born from the star dust, and there we have to come back, under some nice carpets, to enjoy some cheerful Halloween parties! Carl William Brown Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Fear has many eyes and can see things underground. Miguel de Cervantes There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask. Colette On ol' Halloween Night These monsters join the living If they had it their way They'd stay until Thanksgiving. Casey Browning Halloween wraps fear in innocence, As though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat... Nicholas Gordon Halloween isn't the only time for ghosts and ghost stories. In Victorian Britain, spooky winter's tales were part of the Christmas season, often told after dinner, over port or coffee. Michael Dirda Every Halloween for six years, I was a Ninja Turtle, and Mikey was my favorite. The turtles really made me who I am today. They got me into martial arts, meditation, surfing, skateboarding; big time influence on who I am today. Greg Cipes Halloween is bigger than Christmas in America. I've experienced it in New York, Los Angeles and Washington D.C., and if you're in the right neighbourhood, every house is decorated with spooky ghosts, spider webs, and jack-o-lanterns. Rhys Darby

Halloween best quotes ever If ever there was a holiday that deserves to be commercialized, it's Halloween. We haven't taken it away from kids. We've just expanded it so that the kid in adults can enjoy it, too. Cassandra Peterson Where there is no imagination there is no horror. Arthur Conan Doyle People value Halloween, like Valentine's Day, because they can tell themselves that it's not merely secularized but actually secular, which is to say, not Christian, Jewish, Hindu or Muslim. Amity Shlaes This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. Conan O'Brien On Halloween, kids get to assume, for one night the outward forms of their innermost dread, and they're also allowed to take candy from strangers - the scariest thing of all. Kate Christensen Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. Chris Rock Once in a young lifetime one should be allowed to have as much sweetness as one can possibly want and hold. Judith Olney True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen. Author Unknown They that are born on Halloween shall see more than other folk. Saying of unknown origin Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many. Robert Kirby

Halloween best quotes and decorations Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many. Robert KirbyWhen black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, May luck be yours on Halloween. Author Unknown When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, May luck be yours on Halloween. Author Unknown It's said that All Hallows' Eve is one of the nights when the veil between the worlds is thin - and whether you believe in such things or not, those roaming spirits probably believe in you, or at least acknowledge your existence, considering that it used to be their own. Even the air feels different on Halloween, autumn-crisp and bright. Erin Morgenstern Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. Robert Englund I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?' Drew Carey There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. Jean Baudrillard In Britain, the major public holiday used to be Guy Fawkes Day... that was celebrated on November 5th with things like bonfires and fireworks... I think that made Halloween seem preferable. The idea of having pumpkins and costumes and parties seemed much more appealing than burning down your neighborhood. Lisa Morton In our town, Halloween was terrifying and thrilling, and there was a whiff of homicide. We'd travel by foot in the dark for miles, collecting candy, watching out for adults who seemed too eager to give us treats. Rosecrans Baldwin On Halloween, don't you know back when you were little, your mom tells you don't eat any candy until she checks it? I used to be so tempted to eat my candy on the way to other people's houses. That used to be such a tease. Derrick Rose I'm not a real Halloween kind of guy, because Halloween is every day. Al Jourgensen

Halloween quote by the great poet Poe For about 30 years, Halloween was taken over by pranksters. By the '30s, pranks were causing cities millions of dollars of damage. They considered banning Halloween in many cities, but instead, parents got together and came up with party ideas for kids, and a lot of them involved dressing up and costuming. Lisa Morton There haven't been organized protests, but I have heard of protests where people have wanted to celebrate Halloween. Lisa Morton You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. Tommy Chong I live in New Orleans part of the year, and it's a really fun eating town. I bought two homes there, one to live in and one as an investment. They love to eat, drink and dress up in costumes. There are so many reasons to dress up - Mardi Gras, Halloween, Southern Decadence. Jennifer Coolidge I hear from many a man around Halloween that's dressed up as Mama for Halloween. It's a great costume. Vicki Lawrence I'm a really big fan of all things macabre in general; Halloween happens to be my favorite holiday. Dove Cameron I love Halloween, trick or treating and decorating the house. And I love Thanksgiving, because of the football and the fall weather. And of course, I love Christmas - that's my favorite of all! Joe Nichols I learned to glitter the pumpkins for Halloween not because I went into it thinking, 'I'm going to glitter some pumpkins!' No. I bought all of these big, cold, slimy, disgusting pumpkins and tried to carve them, and it was gross, so I had to find something else to do with them. Glitter was life-changing. Jen Lancaster I hate Halloween. I hate dressing up. I hate - I wear wigs, makeup, costumes every day. Halloween is like, my least favorite holiday. Amy Poehler My favorite scary movie was always 'Halloween.' I love that there's hidden emotion underneath Michael Myers' psychotic behavior. Plus, he has the best mask, hands-down. Chris Zylka I've never seen 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre', I've never seen 'Halloween', I've never seen any of the 'Friday the 13ths.' Lin Shaye Download the pdf file about Halloween History If you like Halloween you can also read the following articles: Halloween great and famous quotes Halloween or All Hallows’ Eve Halloween quotes and aphorisms Halloween death poems http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ceNe5q9xfI   Read the full article

[ericleo108]

12/01/2023 Click here for Spotify, Apple Music, or Youtube. “All Homo” is my 64th official release and has two tracks. This song is edgy edutainment that sarcastically and menacingly stands on the side of the gay community by assuming their position and retaliating through comedy, science, and dissent.  The song was self-recorded and produced by Keyano while the beats are by Ken Yama. The cover art was made by Gigzlogo from Fiverr.

I talk about this blog post and other updates in the latest Sunday update here:

This is the last of the remakes from “The Chalice Mixtape.” The hook on “say you love me” is sarcastic just to be clear. I’m taking the perspective of a homosexual. When I went out to California in 2013/14 I coached surfed on a lot of couches and it was at a lot of gay men that put me up and took care of me. They were disappointed but it was always plutonic. It was a good experience and I am very thankful to have met such outstanding people. 

To be clear, I don’t like how hip-hop says no homo. It’s derisive and a tell. Saying no homo implies being homo is wrong, cuz I don’t want to be gay, that’s terrible. If you don’t think being gay is wrong or negative, why would you correct yourself when you say something seemingly gay. Like who cares, let them think you, it’s, or whatever is gay. 

This comes from a childhood growing up where boys would try to out gay eachother and we all thought it was funny. You know what goes on in locker rooms. I actually got to the point I told my friends I would say the gayest shit possible and just say “no homo” after, because it cancels it out. That’s the whole point of “no homo” right?

“I love the way clock feels in my ass, no homo.” Or “I love how seamen tastes, pause.” See saying that caveat doesn’t make me the statement any less gay, it just means you don’t want to look gay. Saying “no homo” doesn’t make you not gay, it just means you’re homophobic. You say “no homo” because you fear being a homo. I say all homo because although I’m not gay, I don’t care if I look gay or you think I’m gay because it’s not bad, wrong, or negative.

According to the research, the aggression that homophobes feel is likely because they’re suppressing homosexual tendencies. I talk about this in the song about how there are experiments where they wrap your penis to see if it girth grows watching homosexual porn. They found the more aggresive individuals toward homosexuality had the biggest growth, meaning they were suppressing their homosexual feelings.  

The only real place gays are rejected is in religion specifically Christianity. The Bible says nothing about being gays especially in early translations. Seeing gay as wrong and bad is a midevil idea turned contemporary republican Christian conservative belief in America. In history Gayness has been accepted by many cultures across history, from the ancient Greeks to Native Americans.

Animals are gay. It’s usually like 5% of the popualtion if I had to guess. Like giraffes have a high percentage of homosexual behaviors. This is just how nature works. 

As far as scientists are concerned, Alfred Kinsey saw homosexuality as a spectrum from 0 to 6. I told my best friend in high school it would be a lot easier if we were lovers but we couldn’t get our dicks hard enough to fuck each other in the ass, and pussy feels amazing, so we both dated girls. He’s married now. It’s reasons like this I wish I were gay, but I’m not.

Like I said, in the “what now” release, I’m OK with pretending to suck a homophobe’s dick to make them regret their decisions. I say “say you love me, you faggot“ in the first track because if they’re demeaning gay people, they’re more likely to be a closeted homosexual, then someone who accepts their existence.

Lyrics:

Say You Love Me: I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take on the malice Just say you love me you faggot I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take it... If you say you love me you faggot Look I don’t mind if you think that I’m gay  It don’t really affect me in the slightest anything you say All they see is dude’s stunt’n, All I see is dude’s frontin  This is the gayest genre of music, this shit really is something The whole genre of music  Will degrade you as a human Hope to leave you ruined  If they think you’ve sucked a dude’s dick  When they like fuck bitches, I just wanna be rich  There's definitely not something wrong with the way that I live I must really hate women cuz a fuck is all that I give  And then in my songs all I really talk about is my dick  LIke ride on it, slide on it, lick on it, fuck it  Validate yourself with my dick by how you suck it  But on the real, hear your music is just like your dick  like holy shit your big, what you do to get it in?  I’m such a little bitch, guess someone should take a hint  Baby girl, remind me, why do I do this shit again?  I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take on the malice Just say you love me you faggot I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take it... If you say you love me you faggot Look I know we’re homies And you’re not homophobic So It’s the gay pride parade today You should suck my dick to show support for it  I’m serious, I mean it, go straight for his penis  Then I’mma talk about this brain because I am a genius  I know you think it’s gross to think bout women ovulate  Why would you take pussy when you could get a dude to squirt in your face But I know you hate dick cuz gay men make you puke But You just shouldn’t deep throat that far, it’s absurd  If I have to hear another line about your amazing graces  I’m seriously gonna suck your dick til you’re red in the face then  Take you out to dinner, bring you back to my place when  I’mma make you watch videos of victims of getting wasted  Columbine, the Orlando shooting by Omar Mateen  Look at these atrocities, suck a dick for equality My girl is never gonna call me  She’s probably wondering what is wrong with me At least I’m not homophobic Or some chauvinistic prick I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take on the malice Just say you love me you faggot I love rappers talking about being oppressed That turn right around and treat gay people as less  This life you lead is the saddest  Hold me down, I know madness  Look I’ll take it... If you say you love me you faggot YEAH,  All homo, 

…

What You Frontin For?:

Have you ever read the scientific literature on it? Do you even know what a thesis is?  Site one reference  No?  Okay Then I Don’t give a  Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Look, coast-to-coast  you got all these bros  Pause’n when at large they're the cause for the woes The hate and discrimination Of children on the playground  When you say no homo you’re saying that’s not okay now To have the same love  Say your gay and you get judged I don’t give a fuck,  All homo, yo, one love   Alll these rappers do is front  Don’t know really what they want Insecure so they taunt  When moonlight in their thoughts  Afraid of their feelings  Thinking men are appealing Their feeling of penis envy  I’ll tell ya, is a real thing  Bitch I know you wanna fuck me, cum on cuz Damn you’d be so lucky to suck deez nuts  Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Cheers everyone, to not giving a fuck  Let’s all burn it up, make global warming what it was  The red, white, and blue, take’n lead and take’n charge Grab’um by the pussy you can do it when you’re a star Like the greatest ever, we know you think you are I don’t need a thesis I spit the facts in art,  Research, reason, logic all part of that This the written evidence, call’em artifacts  There’s psychological experiments Where men fear to get erect They wrap your penis first  Then measure the girth  Have you watch gay porn to see grow And the results of this are interesting wouldn't you know All the men who got more erect Were homophobic about the sex They couldn’t deal with the frustration of really wanting men Hit me up on Twitter, tweet something homophobic  It says that you wanna suck my dick and you ain’t afraid to show it, bitch Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Fuck what you think I got a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Cheers everyone, To not giving a fuck  Let’s all burn it up, make global warming what it was  The red, white, and blue, take’n lead and take’n charge Grab’um by the pussy you can do it when you’re a star Fuck what you think I have a college degree Like pussy money and weed A good girl’s what I need   But I'll make you uncomfortable Be like Cliff Huxtable Give you something foreign Just to see what you’re fronting for Uh,  Some people look at what is and ask why? I look at what isn’t and ask, why not? If you don’t watch the news you’re uninformed If you do watch the news you’re misinformed  So forget what to think about  Question Why you think and how to think about it But yea, for real, you finish that drink? Let’s get outta here

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10/12/2022 (Metro Boomin’s ‘HEROES & VILLAINS’, Lewis Capaldi, Christmas Garbage)

This is a big one... I think. Not only is it an oddly busy two weeks coming up for what is otherwise Christmas season, but it’s also time for the massive Off the Charts round-up of everything since around 5th November, which will actually pre-empt the rundown as well as the new arrivals, just so it makes sense to skim over this and there isn’t really an interruption. Regardless, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is the UK’s #1 this week and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Off the Charts

So this is probably the final “Off the Charts” section – I simply don’t have the time to keep up as intently with new music as I had throughout most or some of the year, and I’m just losing interest in new releases in general. With “Off the Charts”, some of the intrigue and purpose of this very series was lost, so that experiment, whilst it went well, is not something I really am prepared to repeat. I was convinced to make this a separate post but not enough people read this for me to care. Of course, I will try and talk about as much music outside of the charts as I can but it’s unlikely that it will be nearly as frequent. Above all, this blog is about pop music. Now, I’m going to try and be as skim-read as possible with this: these releases are in order of when I listened and not of how much I like them as usual (so I’ll add a rating), but don’t expect paragraphs for each one. Part of why this section soured on me was the fact that its length was never all that consistent. I’ll say my favourite tracks and a brief summary of my thoughts as always. I will not be showing my year-end list regarding albums, mixtapes or EPs of 2022 until the episode dated to the 24th. I will not be talking about Metro Boomin’s new album because three songs from it charted so I’ll cover it there, or Her Loss because I already covered it in a previous episode, and also it’s garbage. I also won’t be covering Stormzy’s This is What I Mean since I had also covered it prior. Now, with all that sorted, let’s start with:

froge.mp3 – piri & tommy

I discussed this in part on the last episode but this is a pretty solid collection of atmospheric, mellow dance-pop tracks with almost PC Music-esque vocals and a lovely breakbeat palette. It’s not reinventing the wheel but the wheel isn’t that boring. It’s a 7 and my favourite track is “beachin”.

10 – Westside Gunn

It took a while but Westside Gunn has finally won me over with this, and mostly through staying quiet. There are moments where you’re barely listening to a song as much as you’re hearing dusty, dilapidated “beats” that strike a particularly bittersweet chord, with most rappers outshining Gunn but in a way that makes him sound more energetic than he’s ever been just to keep up with them. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “Switches on Everything” with Run the Jewels.

Marvelous – Yung Gravy

The first six or so tracks are the most diverse and skilful Yung Gravy has ever been, with his cheesy grin edging itself into every joking sex bar. The rest are leftovers. It’s a 6 and my favourite track is “Sugar Mama” with IshDARR.

melt yourself into the flesh of midnight – NEUPINK

NEUPINK’s Halloween record is a beautifully sarcastic celebration of life – or lack thereof – rippling and malfunctioning until it forms a conglomerate of utter despair. That was my poetic way of saying it hits and is completely destructive. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “oh, gwen!”.

It’s Not a Phase, Mom – Ms Liz

With a newly manic variation in sound and a refined attitude to song structure, Ms Liz has produced a fun amateur pop-rap record as concise as it is playful and at times completely stupid, but it would suffer with any less honesty. It’s a 6 and my favourite track is “Hideaway”.

AT LEAST WE TRIED – SURF GANG

The wavy collective delivers a project that is out as soon as it’s in with 14 minutes of unfiltered, basically unfinished, cloud rap that cuts straight to the chase and is just a breezy breath of less than fresh air. It doesn’t matter if you can’t tell which one is which, because the vocals are rarely the focal point, and when they are, like in my favourite track, “LA FREESTYLE” with RealYungPhil, they kill it. It’s a 7.

5 to the Eye with Stars – R.A.P. Ferreira

Speaking of good short albums, this one is bitesize at 23 deadpan minutes but that ephemeral space that it takes up within that less than half-hour is thought-provoking and psychedelic in a uniquely lowkey way that really, only R.A.P. Ferreira can pull off in this way without sounding pretentious. In fact, he’s absolutely the opposite here, with his conversational flow crafting arguments about sensitive topics – such as early deaths of rappers on “mythsysizer instinct” with Hemlock Ernst – with as much respect as possible but never losing the organic cadence. Sometimes, he’s just spouting poetic turns of phrase that don’t seem to mean all that much on the surface but hit a resonance that allows for interpretation whilst still feeling satisfied in that he got the message, or at least the vibe, across. The fragile determination of “consolation (inspired by Butter Sunday, a poem by Octavia Rucker)” is damn near motivational, the production on all of the album is perfectly crafted with its vintage sandpaper, coated by a blanket of keys as if that can really cover the grit and honest dystopia here. The casualness of “tennessee farmer jutsu”, my favourite track, contributes to the playfulness he displays here, because the only way he can play up to making art in a time where that’s no one’s focus is to laugh, even if that laugh is a smoky parodic chuckle over a disappointed jazz band. No rapper has been able to showcase this modern 2022 dread in such an equally personal and universal way as well apart from perhaps Quelle Chris earlier this year, and of course, that was a 10/10. This is no different.

misery hill – ratrace

This is way less cohesive than pure_and_powerful_hardcore, sure, but ratrace’s Halloween album – at least in energy – is a mental breakdown and a half with less dissonance and more just outright rage or wackiness, all in the name of a desperate suicidal ideation. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “unkind”.

D1G1T4L_DR1FT – Thotcrime

I’m still not all that convinced by Thotcrime, mostly because they struggle here and everywhere else to make a consistent balance between the destructive screamo and their pretty apt, pop-perfection electronic careening that appeals a lot more to me personally. Without a tone that can control itself or effectively build up, here, we just have fragments of what could be great songs and a lot of messy aggression not grimy enough for it to entirely work. It’s a 6 and my favourite track is “trust://fall”.

HIS HAPPINESS SHALL COME FIRST EVEN THOUGH WE ARE SUFFERING – Backxwash

Maybe this is a misread but Backxwash, even in all her aggression, comes off as more reflective here in her impassioned retrospect that commands the album, placing all of its swell in a different direction to how I’ve read her projects before. She’s still rightfully pissed but she’s focusing more on her devastating storytelling and it creates a fuzzy tribute to everything that made her decidedly her. Oh, and it kicks a lot of ass. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is the brutal “NYAMA” with Pupil Slicer.

STONE FRUIT – Left at London and g.rola

Nat wails over some of the rawest sounding vintage hip hop production, ranging into drumless, soul-sampling tracks that fit her more than you’d expect. The solid production doesn’t always keep the writing afloat but it’s an inspiring little EP with three tracks that let Nat swim in the production rather than just flailing on top of it as she tends to even on her best work. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “XL”.

Pink Heartz – SoFaygo

It’s fine. I wish the production were more lively and rage-focused than it is, and SoFaygo’s presence becomes draining over time, but it’s completely listenable and has a lot of good moments. It’s a 6 and my favourite track is “Hell Yeah” with Ken Carson.

The Family and TM – BROCKHAMPTON

The Family is an honest albeit stumbling nostalgia trip about BROCKHAMPTON’s time as a group, with Kevin taking the solo route and reflecting on what went wrong with some drunken anger and listlessness, but ultimately collecting himself to understand that even if the best times may be before him, the good times are what he’ll remember. BROCKHAMPTON always felt like more of an event than a collective so the emotion doesn’t always click and there is definitely a great amount of scrapped, unfinished filler, with few tracks feeling all that well-defined. The same is also true with TM, which features basically demo tracks from the rest of BROCKHAMPTON scrambled together onto meandering beats as if they’d all died in a car crash and this is all the label had. Some tracks go hard with that archetypical 2000s pop-rap sound but a lot of it feels deflated and derivative of rap that they wouldn’t have even acknowledged during SATURATION. The Family is a 7 and TM is (barely) a 5. My favourite tracks are “Brockhampton” and “NEW SHOES” respectively.

softCORE – Fousheé

Out of all people to go punk, Fousheé was not one I predicted, and this album doesn’t fully commit but its juxtapositions feel way more prepared than you’d think, with infectious choruses that string together each jumpscare and scrapped-together aggression in between silky and soulful R&B cuts, so much so that it almost seems seamless. Ultimately, it doesn’t all hit consistently, but the record is about the same confusions, hypocrisies and contradictions that it displays so loudly, so it comes with the subject. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “stupid bitch”.

Feed Tha Streets III – Roddy Ricch

Roddy spends half of this mixtape crooning over well-written but barely-existent R&B-leaning songs, flailing in most of his performance. The other half is frenzied trap fuelled on pure decadence in a way that definitely overweights the more mediocre tracks. Some of these beats are pure chaos and Roddy may no longer be in top vocal form but it was for the best for this tape. It’s a 6 and my favourite track is “Blue Cheese”.

SMITHEREENS – Joji

This is a slog of an album, and it’s not even half an hour’s worth of music, with Joji’s wistful droning in full sad boy mode, with trap drums creeping in and all – unless of course they are basic, weighty drums that feel slapped onto this list of half-finished demos and mumble tracks. Whoever scrambled this together to produce some kind of companion to “Glimpse of Us” needs to be fired, because this is not a project where anyone involved seems to have read either the room or the Spotify numbers. Joji needs to be careful moving forward if he thinks he can just slap this onto streaming services. It’s a 3, at best.

One More – MIKE, Wiki and The Alchemist

One of the few projects releasing in 2022 that I care about after this week is MIKE’s latest album, and this short teaser shows that same dazed delivery, set alongside your classic Alchemist beats you’ve come to expect and a grimy, and scarily constant Wiki who kind of steals the show. It’s an 8 and my favourite track is “Be Realistic”, and with that, we can return to your normal programming. Thank you for reading.

Rundown

Welp, welcome back to the actual chart show, and as not so always, we return with our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, the list includes some big deals. These next few are not those: “This is What I Mean” by Stormzy featuring uncredited vocals from Ms. Dynamite, Amaarae and Black Sherif among others, “Fresh Out the Bank” by Meekz featuring Dave, “Circo Loco” by Drake and 21 Savage (Good riddance), “Just Wanna Rock” by Lil Uzi Vert and “Warm” by K-Trap. In terms of actual long-term hits, we say farewell to “Glimpse of Us” by Joji, “Victoria’s Secret” by Jax, “Music for a Sushi Restaurant” by Harry Styles, “Bad Habit” by Steve Lacy and finally, “Afraid to Feel” by LF SYSTEM though of course, that and some others will likely return come New Year’s. I found it very interesting that the two forms of modern streaming hit are exemplified by “Victoria’s Secret” and “Music for a Sushi Restaurant”, as whilst both lasted 16 weeks, Jax’s song peaked at #33 after a couple weeks whilst Harry’s debuted and peaked at #3. Okay, maybe it’s not that interesting.

The three highest-charting holiday tracks are all in the top five, with “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee and “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé joining them in the top 10 at #6 and #10 respectively. Of course, I don’t track week by week movement of our Christmas songs, of which there are 24 in the top 40 alone, but songs returning for their first week on the annual festive trip this year include “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #71, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #67 and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #66, all fully canonised Christmas classics, as well as the underappreciated “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay making a play at #64 (it’s one of the best ever Christmas tracks, and deserves better every year). On a similar quality, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, an even more heartwrenching track, is back at #59, with lesser hits – in my opinion at least – like “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #56, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love at #52 and “Santa, Can’t You Hear Me?” by Kelly Clarkson and Ariana Grande at #48.

As for notable non-holiday gains, there literally aren’t any, but we do still have a top five on the UK Singles Chart. Last week’s #1 “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift is at #5, the surprisingly promising performance of the frankly terrible “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John continues at #4, “Last Christmas” by Wham! is at #3, “Escapism.” by RAYE featuring 070 Shake is at #2 and of course, partly due to an ACR reset – look it up – we have “All I Want for Christmas is You” at the very top. It’s time now to look through our small batch of new songs, mostly from Metro Boomin but we instead start with...

NEW ARRIVALS

#58 – “Christmas Drillings” – Sidemen

Produced by Nyge

The Sidemen are one of those YouTube collectives, which always tend to have a focal point of one guy who’s bigger than all the others, of which KSI fits the bill here. The lads released two songs this Christmas, one of which is an incoherent comedy single about Santa Claus committing sexual assault with a brostep drop and no KSI to speak of... and probably would have been the most experimental song to hit the singles chart this year. I honestly might prefer the tasteless 100 gecs-esque “This or That” to “Christmas Drillings”, simply because it takes very few risks in comparison... yet somehow I actually like this a lot. Yeah, the content about killing Santa is a bit overdone and has no real impact anymore, and ultimately the comedy of it doesn’t register but this kind of lads-y gross-out hasn’t been my thing ever, and really, it’s embarrassingly close to The Midnight Beast, but there’s a lot to like. It’s pretty good that the twinkling nature of a lot of drill keys and loops functions really well in a festive environment so I can imagine we’ll get many a Christmas drill track from here on out, as the song is a lot more subtle in its rumbling, allowing for more cascading over the typically stiff drill rhythm. A lot more drill should take advantage of this atmosphere. Grime legend Jme isn’t credited for whatever reason, but he delivers a pretty incredible verse, with more charisma than all of these other guys combined and some genuinely lightly funny commentary on British holiday tradition. Tobi has a pretty great melodic flow and effortless cadence, and the chorus reminds me of early 2000s R&B in a really nostalgic way for whatever reason thanks to those harmonies. Whilst “Vikkstar” – who the Hell are these people? – has the worst verse due to him retreading everything that’s already been said, KSI comes in with an unnecessary level of energy and some corny punchlines that somehow end up not embarrassing him entirely, which sums up this surprisingly decent song in general.

#46 – “Niagara Falls (Foot or 2)” – Metro Boomin, Travis Scott and 21 Savage

Produced by Metro Boomin, Allen Ritter, My Best Friend Jacob and Peter Lee Johnson

I liked Metro Boomin’s first solo output, NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES, and I may enjoy it even more in retrospect as that era of atmospheric trap comes to a close. Metro had another go at adding another defining piece of trap canon last week in his #3 album HEROES & VILLAINS and whilst it may be more ambitious, it sometimes finds itself drowning in its ambition when it comes to production as many if not most of the performances are mediocre, especially from Travis Scott, Future and Don Toliver. Thankfully, Metro is one of the best hip-hop producers of all time, so the album never really slogs, and his ideas are sometimes pretty genius, like the fuzzy bass on “Too Many Nights”, the house influence on “Trance”, the unique and endearingly off rhythms of “Metro Spider” and “Feel the Fiyaaaah”, and especially the beautiful progression of my favourite track, “Walk Em Down (Don’t Kill Civilians)”, where the differing perspectives of gang violence from 21 Savage ib one hand and Mustafa on the other are placed together in a way that causes genuine whiplash and a pretty touching emotional moment. “Niagara Falls” is a years-old Travis Scott leak, and I swear Bryson Tiller was on this at some point but we have 21 instead, and like most of the Travis-led songs here, it’s pretty mediocre. The lead synth is oddly weak and the keys trickle down in an awkward but functional way. It has a reverse snare and a real grandiosity to the melodic blend but this is not the instrumental version, sadly, which I probably would enjoy, especially with those little harmonised loops in the chorus. Instead, we have a deadpan Travis Scott grinding one particular catchy melody into my head until my brain runs on Auto-Tune. At least 21 shouts out Kermit the Frog in his verse but out of all songs to have a Morgan Freeman outro on this album, this may be the least cinematic and therefore least deserving.

#39 – “Superhero (Heroes & Villains)” – Metro Boomin, Future and Chris Brown

Produced by Metro Boomin, Allen Ritter and DAVID x ELI

A bit more than half of this song is a really weighted trap beat that sounds like 2015 encapsulated with its skittering percussion, distorted vocal blips and eerie albeit triumphant brass loop that does get a tad tedious but that tends to come with the territory in classic trap. Future goes hard with some of his more venomous bars and effortless deliveries, and it’s a pretty dark atmosphere... which does seem a bit strange as Future’s part is the part about superheroes and not villains, which fittingly is dedicated to Chris Brown, who gets an awkward piano loop and badly-isolated JAY-Z sample to riff melodically on. He sounds great for once as he’s drenched in Auto-Tune and reverb, but it’s pretty gross to give a platform to Chris Brown’s victim-blaming, especially if the song is just going to weakly drown itself out after his misshapen fragment of a “verse”. I’m pretty conflicted on the song’s quality but it does exemplify some of my wider problems with the album, mostly how Metro is desperately trying to transpose as much ambition and grandiosity onto personality-sapped performances. An attempt at a wider narrative surrounding heroes and villains makes some of the decadence a bit dubious and the theme is practically incoherent and irrelevant in most of the album apart from “Walk Em Down” (which is pure genius and should have charted but I understand why it wouldn’t), and at its worst-deployed, it’s a method of excusing the stars’ wrongdoings from the narrative, which probably wasn’t intended but does hit some of the wrong notes – and not all of that can be fixed with Auto-Tune.

#20 – “Pointless” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi

You’re right, Lewis, this song is pointless, so pointless in fact that it kind of flopped in its first week. It’ll probably stick around but I have to worry about Capaldi, especially when he’s not making any movement in the US. Oh, and this is literally the exact moment where he starts making good music: when he stops getting hits, because this is a pretty cute song about a mutually beneficial relationship with a really sweet narrative that doesn’t feel overplayed – or well, not as much as it could be considering Capaldi’s “voice” – or condescending. It’s not that interesting of a ballad, with the echoing percussion and acoustic drawl feeling a bit generic, if not for the strings that give this a slight Christmassy feeling (I know what you’re doing, UMG), and a genuine sing-a-long chorus that just clicks. It’s one of his first happy-sounding songs and for some reason, his moaning works a lot more for me when it’s a universal and wistful rather than the self-doubt and loathing. That’s not to say that his more reflective and depressing music doesn’t have a right to exist, but I like this mode of Lewis more and this is my favourite song from him so far, even with the iffy mix and my never-waivering struggle to get past his voice. I hope more like this comes from him, and I hope the British public doesn’t give up on the guy now that he’s started being, you know, good.

#13 – “Creepin’” – Metro Boomin, The Weeknd and 21 Savage

Produced by Metro Boomin, DaHeala, Peter Lee Johnson and johan lenox

On the Billboard Hot 100, a massive album will chart most if not all of its songs, sometimes including interludes, but on the UK Singles Chart, thanks to the three-song rule, it’s much more selective, and it sucks when the songs that chart from an album I mostly like don’t end up reciprocating my thoughts on the album (it’s a 7). Thankfully, “Creepin’” is an incredible pop song, even if it may require some backstory. Influential singer-songwriter and Celtic phenomenon Enya may be most fondly remembered for “Only Time”, her 1987 debut album contained the deep cut “Boadicea”, which was never released as a single but with an infectious and immediately recognisable vocal harmony as its main refrain (and very much else in the way of structure since it’s a peaceful, gorgeous new-age track), it was ripe for remixing and sampling, and naturally has found its way to people like Wale, Jhené Aiko, Anuel AA and even Bastille, yet the most important “Boadicea” sample was “Ready or Not” from 1996, which had iconic alt-rap trio Fugees and their co-producer Jerry Duplessis flip the new-age track into an eerie loop under a hard-hitting banger, with immaculate mixing and a rich chorus from Ms. Lauryn Hill interpolating the Delfonics’ 1968 hit, “Ready or Not Here I Come (Can’t Hide from Love)”, which originally peaked at #41. Naturally, as is the case with the Fugees, everyone except Pras kills it, especially Wyclef, and they got their first #1 hit in the UK. Now, take the drums from EPMD’s 1988 deep cut “You’re a Customer”, which is essentially sampledelia when it’s not an undeniable synth bass groove and some of the best rapping you’ll ever hear in the 1980s, and place it on that same flip the Fugees had of the Enya sample and you get “Creepin’”, right? Nope, this runs even deeper. Instead of the new hit, you actually get “I Don’t Wanna Know” by Mario Winans featuring P. Diddy and you get yet another UK #1. 2004’s “I Don’t Wanna Know” is a classic in which Winans bitterly says goodbye to a partner who cheated on him, rejecting honesty as he doesn’t want to know whether his girl is cheating on him. It’s one of the best  #1 hits of 2004 in the UK, and I thought it went underappreciated until Metro proved me wrong by essentially covering the song in its entirety... and it’s just as great as Metro shows anyone how to do this obvious sample flip right. The Weeknd sells the content even better than Winans in his fragile high register and the trap dirge makes this rock-bottom low-point in a relationship sound even more hopeless. You have the Enya sample being replicated by an uncredited Travis Scott – which is genius – adding a darker atmosphere that the Fugees were going for in “Ready for Not”, but with Travis mesmerizingly replicating the harmony, it effectively modernises the track whilst paying a great deal of homage, which is probably why they kept Mario Winans’ bridge and ad-libs. Oh, and replacing Diddy with a 21 Savage verse is always a good idea, as whilst his verse isn’t mind-blowing, I love hearing his grit in this cinematic pop context, especially since his verse leads into the final chorus in which the strings really come to a swell. Part of me hoped that this hit #1 just to continue the trend of tracks sampling “Boadicea” to do so, but I’m happy with a #13 debut, especially since I think this is impressive enough to stick around past Christmas. The mixing is perfect for this kind of misty ballad, there’s Goddamn Sampha on it – where’s the album? – and I essentially have no complaints regarding this masterclass of sampling and production. If dark alternative R&B like this and “Escapism.” is going to be the way forward for the top 20, and it could be considering SZA is on the way, I’m all for it.

Conclusion

Well, obviously “Creepin’” by Metro Boomin, The Weeknd and 21 Savage gets the Best of the Week. I didn’t want to spend most of that review talking about the sampling but it does put into context how well-crafted the final hit is, and how great of a producer and song crafter both Metro and The Weeknd can be with what sounds like the simplest task. As for the Honourable Mention, it’s going to be a tie between Lewis Capaldi and the Sidemen of all people for “Hopeless” and “Christmas Drillings” (what a sentence, maybe doing this on Saturday messes with my head), and sadly, despite the album being good, the only real clunker is “Niagara Falls (Foot or 2)” by Metro Boomin, Travis Scott and 21 Savage so that ends up taking the Worst of the Week. What’s next on the horizon is unknown to me so for now, thank you for reading – especially if you read that ridiculously large Off the Charts bit – and I’ll see you next week!

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (254): Fri 25th Nov 2022

I decided to take one final day off today because yesterday while I was playing with Luna I sat down and my lower back started hurting for some reason. This kind of thing happens all the time where I trap something but normally it gets fixed after I stand or squat or stretch. I tried contorting my body in all sorts of ways but try as I might the pain persisted all day and was still pissing me off today. I was annoyed at myself because I’ve been on a good streak since starting here back in June and now if ruined it by taking a week off (although two of those days were scheduled days off anyway so it’s really only 3 days off). I spent the day making a huge playlist of stuff I’m into / want to get into. I want to learn about the history / culture of Halloween and the Day of the Dead so I added every documentary I could find on the subject. I also want to learn about motorbikes and surfing so added as many of those videos too plus documentaries about people who's work I want to become well versed in such as Edgar Allan Poe and William Hope Hodgson. Since I spend most of my time watching YouTube anyway I might as well use it to get into stuff that I've wanted to get into for a while but have been too lazy to do so. My plan is to just shuffle the playlist up at the start of the night and have all these personalized videos on the TV all the time. The problem is that YouTube on the TV doesn't offer you the chance to shuffle the playlist so I've had to download the app to my phone which does allow you to shuffle the playlist. So I'll have to shuffle it on the app, watch one video then come out of it and then select the next randomized video in the playlist instead of the TV just playing one random video after another which is what I want. I mean I know the people in Ukraine are going through a bit of a kerfuffle at the moment but at least they haven't got to deal with annoying shit like this.

Richard Herrings blog Warming Up turned 20 years old today. I first became aware of Herring's work 1 years ago and upon researching him found out that he did his own daily blog. Warming Up is Herring writing up the events of the previous day but he always finds a way to be amusing about whatever happened in the previous 24 hours. It was Herring's blog that inspired me to create this one (which by the way will turn 10 years old on December 8th. I started doing a blog every day on December 8th 2012 on a different site then in 2020 I stopped publishing it to the internet because no-one was reading it but kept writing it for my own pleasure. Then earlier this year I decided to start uploading it to the internet again. Maybe one day I'll re-upload all the stuff from 2012 - 2020 and all the previously un-read content from 2020 - the present) as I found the idea of challenging yourself to come up with something creative every day very alluring and I saw it as an opportunity to get better at writing (which hasn't really happened to be honest, if anything my grammar has gotten worse in the last 10 years). Herring reaching a full twenty years of writing a blog every single day is very impressive and I hope he is as proud of himself as I am. I won't say Herring provided me with an "awakening" as that's perhaps too grandiose a way of putting it but definitely changed my life for the better because if it weren't for him inspiring me to do this blog then I would likely remember hardly anything about the last 10 years. There are so many things that have happened to me in the last decade that I probably would have forgotten about had I not included them in this blog. Most of them are minor events but there are lots of minor events from my childhood and teen years that I would love to be able to recall but I can't because I wasn't writing a blog at the time (because they didn't exist). If you've never read Richard Herring's blog before I suggest you start because it's always good for a laugh every day and it's a great lesson that a bit of discipline can go a long way.

[creativeashproductions]

Lost Time // Luke Patterson

Summary: Things changed since Sunset Curve fell apart literally as three out of four members died before a gig. Leaving a sad girl behind Luke by chance runs into the reader with someone else. Death tore the couple apart, and time can’t fix this.

Warning: Talk of death, depression, angst and fluff

Words: 2.2k

Might as well join the Julie and the Phantoms fan club!

*For the sake of the story the time frame has been altered, it takes place in the mid-2000s. Also! I tried to make the reader as generalized as I could to make sure that everyone can relate. The reader is Alex’s sister, for inclusion that can be biological, adopted, half or stepsiblings. I want to make sure all people can be the reader.

Masterlist

THIS IS FROM MY SECONDARY BLOG! REPOST!!

The 1990s was definitely some of the best years of your life watching your brother grow more comfortable in his identity. Alex had kept his sexuality secret, taking the frustration of the secret by learning how to play the drums. You would often be found curled on the chair listening to his growing talent; Alex was a great brother.

Alex found friends in three local boys Reggie, Bobby and Luke, even a little more than friends with Luke briefly. By 1991 the boys had formed a band Sunset Curve with each other and a loyal fan in you. By mid-1994 the band had a fanbase and some gigs, but playing The Orpheum was the goal.

Luke had admitted to Alex, he had feelings for you, and with a lot of encouragement from Alex, he approached you. Luke had been focused on music since his parents gave him his first guitar, so relationships weren’t even on the backburner.

“Hey.” Luke spoke, pressing a kiss to your cheek backstage, “Missed you.”

His hair tickled your skin, bringing a bright smile from the teenage boy and a deep blush from you, private time wasn’t as often as it once had been. After Luke’s fallout with his parents a few months back, he had couch surfed between Reggie and Alex’s rooms; he wasn’t allowed in yours.

“You saw me last night.”

“A monumental time.” Luke bent his bend to place a lingering kiss on your bare shoulder, his jacket having fallen down, “Three years together and a bright future ahead.”

Last night had been the third anniversary of your relationship and hopefully the previous night worrying on parents walking in, cheap dates Luke often felt guilty about. Luke knew in his bones playing The Orpheum tonight would open the door to a legendary future. A future where money wasn’t tight and he could you on dates he deemed acceptable for the love of his life.

Bobby voiced brought Sunset Curve’s lead singer back to that moment, you dropped from the stage to settle in the empty audience to watch the soundcheck. With a wink from Alex, he started making the beat to Now or Never, you beamed as they poured their souls into the song. The four were talented and made to be in a band together even if you didn’t really like Bobby.

Cringing at the awkward wink Bobby sent you turned on your converse to head to the bar for a glass of water. Thanking the bartender, you tuned out the conversation with the waitress and the band only jumping when arms wrapped around your waist.

“We’re getting street dogs.” Luke spoke, bringing your body to rest on his chest, “Do you want one?”

The thought of those street dogs honestly horrifying given they were cooked in some random guys car. The one time you tried, it had permanently tattooed the taste in your memories forever, and just remembering was vomit-inducing.

 “I’ll pass.” You wrinkled your nose, turning to wrap your arms around his neck, “I don’t know how you guys like those.”

“Tradition.” Luke shrugged caressing your cheekbone with the pad of this thumb. Gazing at features he wanted to wake up to for the rest of his life, “Still down with the plan?”

“The minute I’m eighteen, we go to the nearest chapel.” You grinned playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I’ll be waiting Rockstar.”

Luke pressed a long passionate kiss on your lips, pulling away to jog over to Alex and Reggie waiting at the door. Bobby having declined the street dog invitation to flirt with the waitress Rose. Alex waved before the door closed. Little did you know that would be the last time you saw them alive.

1995 was the worst year of your life. 1996 was the hardest, especially with the forever reminder of your love. You wouldn’t trade 1996 for the world however, only wishing for one change.

Los Angeles, 2004

Alex, Reggie and Luke had learnt a mere few days away from that life had drastically changed forever. Firstly, the three boys had died from eating the street dogs mere hours before performing on the stage of The Orpheum. Secondly, it was no longer 1995 but instead nearly ten years had past bringing the three ghosts into 2004.

The most jarring wasn’t being able to be heard playing music with a random girl named Julie but that the most constant part of the band no longer was there. You hadn’t died that night, and Alex was pretty sure you were still alive. Luke felt lost waking up without you beside him and the deep regret of not reconciling with his parents.

It would be a week before Luke would swallow his pride enough to orb himself into his unchanged childhood home. Emily, Luke’s mom, was in the well-worn chair knitting a scarf Luke recognized as his favourite colours. Mitch was in the kitchen, putting the groceries away. It was heartbreaking being invisible to his aged parents.

“Hey, Mom.” Luke sniffled sitting on the couch nearby staring at his silent mother, “Sorry for not visiting sooner.”

Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes feeling hopeless, not being able to ease his parents’ pain, the regret and guilt bubbling to the surface.

“How is Y/N? I bet she’s living in New York of London now. We promised to travel the world together. Part of me is guilty of wishing she had eaten a street dog that night so we could be together.” Luke sobbed, wrapping his arms around his midsection reminiscing on the beautiful girl he had unwillingly left.

“Hey.” Mitch spoke, kissing his wife’s forehead. Her eyes closing in contentment.

“I wonder if you know where Reg and Alex’s parents are. Reggie’s neighbourhood was torn down who knows when. It makes me scared to see if Alex and Y/N’s parents still have their place. I don’t think so. They lost their son.”

“Hey Luke.”

Luke glanced over his shoulder to see Alex at the door, reluctant to impose of Luke’s privacy.

“Yeah.”

“We’re rehearsing.” Alex spoke, smiling as the other teenager took one more wistful look at his parents before orbing out of his house to the Molina family’s garage. Minutes later, the front door opening and feet thudding brought the noise to the Patterson home.

“Grandma!”

A four-foot blue of green and black blur covered the room in seconds nearly sprawling Mitch to the floor. Why was that 1996 year difficult? Well, ’95 was when Sunset Curve tragically died, and a stick changed your life. ’96 was spent going through the last five months of pregnancy without Luke.

October 1995

You kept your lips pressed tightly together, unable to look at the smooth, shiny mahogany rectangle surrounded by flowers. Looking up meant the reality kicking in. Funerals sucked. Especially the third funeral in the last handful of days. It was surreal thinking that one week ago you had kissed your boyfriend and hugged your brother and now they were dead. Gone. Not even a goodbye.

“Are you okay?” The broke voice asked, gaining your attention. Swollen red eyes matching yours held unimaginable pain. While the last few months had been icy with your parents, it didn’t mean losing one of their kids didn’t sting.

“I will be.” You whispered clasping your hands over the scratchy black velvet dress, one you had worn three times too many.

The sobs broke out seeing the best picture Alex had taken in his life, it encapsulated his best features; his beaming smile and kind, caring eyes. Alex was gone. Your brother was gone because he ate a bad hot dog with his friends. You would never see your boys again. Never feel Luke’s skin or share a laugh with Alex or complain about things with Reggie. You wouldn’t get to meet in the chapel with Luke wearing second hand ‘fancy’ clothing. In one night, your life changed.

It changed further seeing the two lines on the test later that night. The heartache growing. The baby you carried would never meet his uncles and his Dad. Would never hear them play or learn to play. ’95 and ’96 sucked ass.

You sighed, closing the door to follow the rambunctious ball of energy into the living room where he entertained Mitch and Emily. Some days it was difficult to stare into the green eyes he inherited from his father.

“Benjamin Lucas.” You spoke crossing your arms, meeting the gaze of the eight-year-old boy, “What did I say?”

“To not runoff.” Ben quietly replied, playing with his hands. His messy brown hair, in need of a trim, falling into his eyes, “Sorry Mom.”

“Please don’t do it again.” You gently told the little boy elated as he quickly found the toy box in the corner of the room.

Ben was loved deeply by Mitch and Emily, who had stepped up when your parents made the decision to sell your childhood home. Wanting Ben to know his paternal grandparents, you had struggled to find an apartment and job to say in the neighbourhood. Since the baby was the last part of their son, the Patterson parents’ had welcomed you into the home where you stayed until Ben was two.

“Do you want us to come around for Luke’s birthday?” You questioned sitting on the love seat, the same love seat you had made out on with Luke many times during movies.

The room turned sad at the question and reminded that for the ninth year, you would celebrate Luke’s birthday without him. A day where Ben wouldn’t fully understand. Emily simply nodded her head.

 “Have you met anyone?” Mitch asked, leaning over to clasp his hands together. For the last few years, they had been pushing you to date. They wanted your happiness and for Ben to have a father even if Luke couldn’t be it.

“Mama can we stay here tonight?” Ben’s innocent voice cut the tension, saving you from answering the question again. Mitch and Emily each nodded their heads at the question, unable to tell the young boy no.

“Have you ate?” Emily asked, turning to look at you in concern. The chuckle left your mouth at the question she frequently requested, she missed cooking for more than two.

“We had pasta before we came.” You replied, turning to gaze out the window to the dark sky, “I should put Ben to bed.”

The soft whine from your son and denial was a nightly routine and very much a mirror image to Luke’s character as well. With a smile, Emily held out her hand to her grandchild, she was notoriously the only one able to get Ben to sleep fast.

 “Come on Bug.”

It seemed the universe was keeping Luke from seeing you and discovering Ben, but when that night came, he was shocked. Emily was curled up on the patio couch, watching Ben in the newly bought sandbox. The patio doors opened. Inside, Mitch had invited a stranger who knew his son into the house.

 “I think I heard the doorbell. I’ll be right back.” Emily called out to you. You had found shade under the tree reading a new book.

The soft cry had you up and running to Ben before you even realized, on his knee was a bleeding wound. You had already scooped the boy into your arms to quickly get into the kitchen. The moment your foot stepped into the home, the sound of a familiar voice and song filled the house.

Gently placing Ben on his feet, you followed the sound to the living room. Across the room behind a young girl stood a boy.

“Luke.” You breathed floored at the sight of the teenager who looked exactly like he did back in ’95. The ghost singing widened his eyes at yours, taking in the mature features and change of fashion.

He continued to sing the song Unsaid Emily he had written as an apology to his mom following the last big fight. The song he never got to show her. His voice faded as the ending of the song came around.

“Mama!” Your attention broke from Luke’s when a tiny hand reached for yours. The pain in his voice bringing you back to the most important part of your life, “It hurts Mama.”

Despite being sad, Mitch was the one to cross the room to lift the little boy into his arms. Placing the little boy on the counter, the man gently wet a paper towel to wash the area.

“I think he needs stitches.” Mitch sighed, furrowing his brows.

“Who is that?” Luke asked the Molina girl. The girl shrugged taking in the features she could recognize. Julie asked Emily.

“That’s Ben.” Emily beamed, looking over her shoulder at the little boy that filled the void of Luke’s death. It didn’t fix the wound or erase the pain, but Ben’s existence helped with the loss as he was a precious gift, “When Luke passed away his girlfriend Y/N found out she was pregnant with Luke’s baby.”

The choked sob fell from Luke’s mouth echoed by the thud of his knees, hitting the floor in the pure shock. The heartbreak painted so clear Julie was sure she could feel Luke’s agony.

God, why did Luke have to eat that fucking street dog. Fuck his band dreams. Nothing hurt as bad as finding out about Ben and Y/N having to be a single parent.

“I have a son?” Luke cried, orbing himself as far as he could from the Patterson home and his most tremendous loss.

Part Two

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[hanii-rose]

Hi there! I would first like to say I’m a huge fan of both your art and your writing~ your posts make my brain release the happy chemicals ♡

If it’s ok I was wondering if I could request Garou with a shy s/o who works up the courage to surprise him by wearing lingerie?? (〃ω〃) only if you want to tho of course

tysm, ily!

✯Lingerie Fever✯

Garou × Fem!Reader

You stood in front of the pristine glass window of the only adult shop in your district, wishfully eyeing the beautifully assorted contents on the other side of it. The pretty little store mannequins stood proudly, in poses you could never pull off, wearing provocative attire, some adorning cuter variations while others had more sexy designs.

This whole situation was strange. People passed by behind you giving you strange looks as you wiggled anxiously near the store window.

You were too occupied to notice their stares, too invested in your own thoughts to care about your surroundings.

Your lover, Garou was out at work, earning a living for the two of you which left you home alone. With nothing to do but watch mindless television, you had opted to go for a little outing.

•••

You had gained an interest in intimate apparel on a lazy Monday, after your boyfriend had left for work and you stumbled upon a romantic advice blog while leisurely surfing the web on your laptop.

'How to Make Your Boyfriend the Happiest in the World!'

Having nothing interesting to do, you clicked on the link, intrigued by the title. The first few tips it gave were fairly ordinary.

'You can only touch a man's heart through his stomach!' or 'Men love complements on their hair and outfit'. Nothing too surprising came up, until you had reached the absolute end of the blog. Suddenly, you found yourself flustered at the blush inducing words on your screen.

'A man cannot resist a woman in erotic attire...'

That last little tip had sent you into a shameless daydream as you thought about it more and more. You? Dress up in sexy clothes for Garou? Was the room getting hotter or were you just overheating?

But the more you pondered on the shameless idea, the more it started to occur to you that the only time you ever dressed up for him was on Valentine's Day and even then it was just a cute dress or a pretty frock.

But nothing sexy...

•••

You squinted and stuck your tongue out, trying to read the price tags from outside of the store but had no luck. The numbers were way too small.

A clerk, while dusting inside the shop noticed your strange behaviour and ran over to open up the door. She watched you peculiarly for a few seconds before speaking.

"Uh ma'am, if you're looking for a set you should come inside. We have a lot to choose from!"

You jumped in surprise and frantically waved your hands in front of you, blabbing out no's.

"Ack- I uh, no no. It's ok! I was just looking!"

The shop lady smiled and gestured for you to head inside with her. Her brown bob bounced as she jovially explained.

"If you were looking, you were obviously interested. Come in and I'll show you some that'll really suit you!"

You gulped and hesitantly nodded, following the saleswoman into the store. Walking through the doors, your eyes landed on the exquisite bras and panties. You gasped quietly, unable to comprehend the sheer erotic beauty of all of them.

"A-a-are these...real?"

The woman chuckled at you, her hand coming up to stifle the noise.

"What a silly question! Of course they're real."

You scratched your neck, embarrassed at your naivety and lack of knowledge about erotic clothing.

"What's your name?"

You blinked a few times and shyly answered.

"O-oh, I'm Y/N."

"Well Y/N, how about you take a look around. I'll be right here behind the counter waiting for you when you're finished."

You shyly nodded, flashing her a small smile.

You took a deep breath, making up your mind.

'Ok Y/N! No more shyness! Just choose one you like! Garou will love it too...right?'

You shook your head and continued to observe the clothes.

A tall skinny mannequin with her hand on her hip, wore a black, lacy set, crotchless and sexy. A bit too sexy for you...

The one next to it, a shorter bustier dummy adorned a pink satin nightie, white lace around the edges but showed off too much cleavage at first glance. Whoa, that's a lot of exposure!

Another one that caught your eye stood in the middle of the room, a spotlight highlighting it's intricate features, obviously the most beautiful one in the store.

An adorable white baby doll two piece, satin bows and tulle flowers lined the tips, strings to tighten and loosen twisted up the front. Two innocent little ruffle crew socks came with the stunning set, perfecting it.

Your eyes sparkled in awe, your brain screamed 'this is the one!'

Your mouth agape, you eyed the pretty mannequin, looking for a price.

"This is your first time buying, isn't it?"

You broke out of your trance, turning to look at the saleswoman with a sheepish grin.

"Y-yes. I've never really had the um... interest in these sorts of things..."

"Ah, I see. Well, did you find the one you want?"

You nodded your head, avoiding eye contact with her.

You hesitantly pointed to the one you liked and spoke.

"I r-really liked that one. Is there one in m-my s-size?"

You could barely speak without stuttering, much too shy.

"Of course. You have good taste for a first-timer. It's pricey but worth it."

You took a deep breath and shakily asked for the price.

"That one's our latest model, inported all the way from (foreign country). It costs more than most of the other ones here."

You took in the information, still curious to see if you could afford it.

"It's 12000 yen. But I assure you, the price isn't the only thing that's high quality."

You slumped your shoulders, already defeated at hearing the cost of the pair.

"I-its so much for a bra and underwear..."

You whined quietly to yourself, dejected. Who would carry around so much money. You'd have to hit up an ATM somewhere, but the nearest one was four blocks away.

The day wasn't getting any brighter either and you'd have to be home before Garou to avoid any awkward questions about your whereabouts.

You sighed, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"C-can I come back for this one next week?"

You bashfully played with your fingers while asking.

"Well, it's an exquisite piece, I'm not sure if I can hold it off for you for more than a day or two..."

She apologized but you assured her it was not an issue. Looks like you'd have to buy it earlier and hide it in your shared closet, at least until the time was right.

>>

You had returned home a while back, changed into one of Garou's white t-shirts and began preparing for dinner. Garou had come home not long after you, completely oblivious to your little outing. You had decided against telling him, it would only lead to unwanted questions.

While stirring the curry pot, your thoughts went back to that stunning piece that awaited you in that lingerie store. It was so pretty, you wanted it now. Not just for Garou but for yourself as well.

As of now, Garou rested peacefully in your bedroom, so very tired from working so hard. He's the sweetest guy you'd ever met, well after you had gotten to know him.

To others he might look like a brute, scary and standoffish, but to you...

He was perfect. Flawed, but perfect.

Putting the lid back on and turning off the stove, you quietly made your way to where Garou slept, tip-toeing over and standing next to where he snored.

He looked so relaxed, it almost made you want to curl up next to him, but then nobody would eat that amazing beef curry you had prepared. You'd have to wake him up, you almost felt bad.

Nudging his shoulder with your hand, you tried pushing him to stir him out of sleep but he stayed snoring, turning around and hiding his face with his arm.

You internally groaned. This time you tried quietly whispering him awake.

"G-Garou... Garou, wake up."

He whined ruggedly, and shifted again turning back to you, still asleep.

"Don't you want dinner?"

He sleepily shook his head, too tired to verbally respond.

You rubbed your face with your palms aggressively. He's just so cute!

You looked at him with adoration, a gentle smile gracing your lips. He's not waking up anytime soon, might as well give him a little kiss.

Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you lowered your head downwards and placed a sweet peck on his cheek, giggling to yourself as you rushed to the kitchen to set the table and let your boyfriend sleep for a few more minutes.

You took out the silver forks and spoons, washing them and readying them to place on the dinner table next to the served plates of curry and rice.

"All this time we've been together and all ya' give me is a kiss on the cheek?"

Came a familiar voice, deeper than normal.

"O-oh, Garou! You surprised me..."

You whispered shyly, clutching the silverware closer to your chest.

"D-dinner, I mean... I made curry for dinner."

"Sit, I'll get you a glass of water..."

Garou seated himself down onto his usual chair and waited for you to completely get the table ready.

"That colour. It looks good on ya'..."

After shakily pouring water into Garou's jug and your cup, you finally took a seat, straightening yourself out.

"Thank you, Garou..."

You thanked, happy that he thought you were appealing.

"How was work?"

Garou shrugged, same old, same old.

"And you? What'd you do?"

You played with your food, pushing the curry around with your spoon, cutely shrugging, not speaking one bit.

"Yer' actin' awfully weird. Somethin' wrong?"

You shook your head and gulped nervously, shifting your line of sight from his face to your plate. Clearing your throat, you took a large spoonful and chewed, trying to avoid answering his question.

"Yer' so cute..."

Garou's voice retained its deep pitch, possibly becoming even lower than before.

"Ya' know, I just woke up so I ain't fallin' asleep anytime soon..."

You swallowed the mouthful and tilted your head, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

Garou raised a brow, smirking.

"We could..."

...

After the realization of what he actually meant hit you, you snorted while taking a sip from your cup, falling into a coughing fit in your seat. As soon as the coughing stopped, you spoke, surprised at his suggestion.

"W-what? I-ok, uh..."

"We don't need'ta if ya' dont wanna..."

You calmly shook your head and reached over the table, placing your petite hand over his.

"N-no, I mean we can... that sounds, that sounds good..."

You bashfully confirmed, smiling, avoiding his gaze.

"Well then, start chewin' faster cus' once I'm done, there won't be any time to finish yer' food..."

Your flushed, your body becoming hot as you fidgeted in your seat.

>>

You took a deep breath of air before pushing open the glass doors, entering the building.

That morning, after Garou had gone off to work, you picked up your keys and your purse, running to the bank to withdraw just enough money for the lingerie piece you liked.

Today, you were going to buy it!

You had been prepping yourself up for it since last night, thinking about how much better the night would've been if you had worn something like that. Not that it wasn't amazing without it, it was. With Garou, it always was, but you wanted to contribute to his pleasure too!

You spotted the woman from before and slowly walked up to her, tapping her on the shoulder.

She looked up from her leaning position over the cash counter, took out her earbuds and cast you a knowing look.

"So, you're here for the set I presume?"

Nodding, you fidgeted, shyly smiling in excitement.

"Thought so..."

The woman led you to the changing rooms and you followed.

"So your partner, what're they like?"

"W-well, he's very strong and cool..."

You shyly twirled your hair, while walking, going deeper into the store.

"And...he's really handsome and c-cute."

"He's also smart... sometimes..."

The saleswoman chuckled and halted in front of the changing room door.

"Sounds like a catch."

You chuckled softly. Yes, yes he is.

"I'll bring some sizes and colors over, tell me which one fits best and we'll pack it up, kay'?"

"Thank you. You're so kind..."

"Don't mention it."

The woman promptly left to go fetch you every variation of the babydoll set, and you excitedly tried on each one.

After going through what seemed like thirty different colours of the same piece, you finally found one that suit you just right, and it was in a colour Garou actually appreciated you in.

You absolutely loved it!

You stood near the register, happily paying for the lingerie. The woman proceeded to securely pack it for you, chuckling at your eagerness.

"Stay confident in this piece, it really suits you!"

She pumped you up, giving you a boost of confidence that you really needed. This feeling was so amazing, like nothing could ruin your day!

It was so empowering!

Is this how men feel?

Vigorously bowing, you thanked her for her service and enthusiastically pushed open the shop doors, exiting the establishment.

>>

A couple of days had passed since you had purchased the fine piece of clothing, hiding it meticulously at the very back of your closet, where Garou could never find it.

You contemplated whether tonight was an appropriate time to wear it. It was a glorious Sunday and Garou had come home an hour ago from mingling among his colleagues. The boys had held some get-together today and he was invited, acting as if it was something dreadful but secretly, you knew he was excited to have friends.

Garou laid under you on the bed, sprawled out, taking up most of it. You laid on top of his chest facing him, one of his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you flush against him.

"Garou, did you have fun with your friends today?"

He gave a single affirmative nod.

"What did you guys do?"

He shrugged, explaining bluntly.

"Sat around with a case of cola at the bridge..."

"Had a drinking contest, which I won."

Obviously.

"No one can finish five cokes in ten seconds like you can."

You could feel Garou smirking as his arm around your waist got tighter and his free hand came to squeeze your cheek.

"You know it, sweetheart..."

He left an airy kiss at your temple and you happily wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I missed you a lot today."

You sheepishly admitted, burying your face into his chest, revelling in his scent.

"I couldn't stop thinkin' about ya' either..."

✯✯✯

You lifted your head to face him, interested in what he had to say.

"Believe me when I say I was itchin' to come home..."

Oh, his voice just lowered in tone. You gulped.

"All I could think about was you under me."

"Y-you're just saying that!"

Garou chuckled, his chest shaking under you as he did so.

"Now, why would I do that?"

"Because you like teasing me!"

He snickered, pulling you into a make-out session, tongue and all.

Before things could get too heated, you sat upright on his belly, hands pushing on his chest to keep him down.

Now would be the perfect time to show him the lingerie...

"What's wrong! Not feelin' it today?"

You shook your head and carefully got off of him. You opened up your wooden closet, slipping out the plastic bag that contained the special clothes.

Garou quirked a scruffy brow, confusion evident on his chiseled face.

"What the hell are ya' doin?"

You didn't answer. He'll find out soon enough.

"W-wait here, please..."

Garou obeyed your timid command and waited, sitting up at the edge of the bed, hunched over.

A considerable amount of time had passed and Garou pondered on whether to go look for you. What's takin' so long? Did you faint or somethin'?

You stood in your bathroom, adorning the dazzling lingerie, checking yourself out in the tall standing mirror. You thought you looked pretty good. You hoped Garou would appreciate you too...

Heaving out a nervous sigh, you anxiously strode back to your bedroom, stopping in front of the doorframe.

Garou heard your shuffling footsteps and looked up, eyes going from bored to shocked in a matter of seconds.

"Wha-what's all this?"

His voice sounded light, fluttering almost. His eyes stayed wide and shimmering and mouth hung open. Garou's cheeks began turning warmer, a darker shade than usual, catching your eye.

You shyly fidgeted near the door, fingers nervously twiddling in front of you.

A smile graced your features and Garou outstretched a hand and you placed your palm in his. He pulled you closer to him to see everything in better detail. You stood in front of his seated form holding his hand.

"I, I thought you'd like it so I..."

You murmured softly, glancing at his face to see his reaction.

"Yeah, I do. Ya' look...."

He bit his lip, looking you up and down. His free hand circled your hip, admiring the intricate lace that hung around your panties.

"...I can't say."

His hand glided over your stomach, fingers wrapping around the cup of your designer bra.

"Feels so good to touch."

You turned warmer, shuddering at his fluttering brushes.

"I-I want you t-to touch me..."

A meek sigh left your lips as he squeezed and rubbed your breast, his other hand keeping you still by your thigh.

"C'mere."

You gently sat down next to him, the mattress springing as you did. Bringing your fingers to his lips, he kept his nose pressed against them.

"This is a dream..."

"Yer' a dream..."

Garou's eyes watched as the netted flowers at the edge of your bra tickled your skin. He observed curiously, your movement, the shudders and mewls as he held your shoulder closer to him, squeezing and massaging your chest.

Your own fingers glazed over his semi-erect bulge and Garou groaned in satisfaction.

"It's been so long since we last did it..."

His statement prompted a chuckle and you replied.

"It's only been a few days..."

Garou's cheeks darkened even more and he wittily responded to your claim.

"A few days too many."

He kissed your neck, slowly trailing downwards until he reached your exposed shoulders, nipping at the soft flesh.

"Yer' too much for me."

He expressed everything lightly, his voice a mere whisper in your ears.

But, as if a switch had been flipped, his personality suddenly no longer remained tooth-rottingly sweet. Instead, emerged a growl from his throat, after which he let the most obscene words leave his mouth.

"Yer' tits look so good that way..."

He kissed the exposed surface of your breast, his eyes immediately darting to yours to capture your reaction.

You sighed in pleasure, his kisses and touches becoming more lewd each second.

Now, he sounded serious and much more domineering.

"Damn, those panties are too small for yer' ass!"

You took everything with humility, accepting his shameless complements.

It wasn't until his last statement that you felt really embarrassed.

His voice commanded you, instructed you deeply and slowly.

"Now, get on that bad and don't move until I get back with the camera..."

✯✯✯

Safe to say, Garou was really pleased with you that night. The two of you had gone at it till the break of dawn and now laid peacefully in each others embrace. Garou had stopped at nothing last night, having you so close in the clothes you were wearing just for him.

He had thought you looked absolutely ethereal in that babydoll piece, looking so innocently sexy. It was enough to keep him going for hours without end.

The two of you had definitely explored each others intimacy that night, broke some limits but enjoyed each other nonetheless.

After that experience, Garou demanded more and you happily provided. He couldn't get enough of you.

••End••

Bonus:

Garou carefully eyed the extravagant sets of garments lined up in front of him, some bolder and some more modest, all with different patterns and sizes. Holding a plastic bag containing your tasteful set of lingerie, he treaded deeper into the shop to look for a new one for you.

He wondered which one would suit you, pondering on the idea that you would want a sexier variation this time.

The establishment he walked through was the only one in his city, a rather renowned one at that. He didn't even know a store like this existed where he lived.

For now, he remained confused on which one he should get. They all seemed good and he thought virtually anything looked good on you. He was so lost in thought, it took him a while to notice someone had tapped him on the shoulder.

"Looking for anything in particular?"

A saleswoman stood behind him, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, got anything like this but in this exact size?"

She asked him familiar questions about his lover and he answered shortly, somewhat annoyed at her prying.

The woman smirked, showing him almost all of the lingerie that the store had, especially the ones that would look good on you.

By the time Garou was done looking through everything, he had already found one he really liked and was in the process of purchasing it at the front desk.

The same woman kept a constant smirk on her face while scanning, removing the tags and packing the clothes up.

Garou hurriedly thanked her and pushed open the front door of the store, ready to depart.

Just then, a voice from behind him spoke out, making him turn his head with surprised eyes and a pretty pink blush on his cheeks.

"Say hello to Y/N for me!"

_________________________________________

Ahhh, finally it's out. Now, I sleep. Nah jk I have other ones to finish ಥ‿ಥ

[sunflowervolvimp3]

garden (koh!harry)

Warnings: language

Pairing: king of hell!Harry x angel!reader

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: alright so!! this is an au a friend of mine and I thought of a couple years ago!! basically it’s demon!harry and angel!reader but with the added spice of harry being the king of hell!! the premise for this au is that it’ll kind of be an ongoing series/universe, like the hades!harry au!! so that means I’ll be posting a series of one shots and concepts in a non-chronological order, meaning that each one shot takes place in a different time and in a different order!! I’m really excited to write a series like this, in addition to the long stand-alone fics I do, and I really really hope you guys like it!! the last time I did a shorter one shot, it didn’t really get any feedback, and I thought longer stand-alone fics were the way to go, but I do really miss this format!! so. please. if you like it!! reblog it!! let me know you like it!! and let me know what questions you have about this au!! any concept or blurb ideas or thoughts you have!! I’m very excited for it and I hope you guys are too <3 also I originally wrote this au on my marvel blog last year, and have reworked and revamped it, so if it looks familiar, or sounds familiar, I promise I haven’t plagiarized lmao that was me!!

{masterlist}

When Y/N wakes up, the room is dark.

This, Y/N has come to realize, is normal, considering that the chambers she sleeps in have no windows. While this fact would normally have troubled her, she’s made her peace with it.  After all, what is there to see?  The palace, located in the center of hell, is surrounded by the flames of the underworld and the souls of the damned, and while neither of those things are a welcoming sight in the morning, they’re especially unwelcome for an angel such as herself.  It had taken her so long to adjust to the obsidian stone walls around her, the heavy black and red velvet drapes that lined the frame of her bed, and the smell of sulfur that lingered in the air, even after she had placed herbs and flowers to burn in the fireplace and create a sweet smoke in the air.  Truth be told, Y/N still wasn’t completely adjusted to the atmosphere around her, but this, too, doesn’t surprise her.  An angel could never truly adjust to being in hell.

A rustling in the bed next to her pulls Y/N from her thoughts, and she lets her gaze shift to the muscled body nestled in the sheets next to her.  This, she thinks, is another thing she may never get used to, even though it sparks a burning desire deep within her.  While the king of hell may have once frightened you, the sight of him lying next to her brings a feeling of comfort to her, and Y/N allows herself a moment to admire the rarely relaxed state Harry is currently in.  His curls, which are normally carefully styled beneath his crown, are tousled from sleep, falling into his face in an endearing way. His face itself is relaxed, the hard creases from the scowl that’s usually permanently etched into his features all but disappeared.  The demon is normally a fearsome thing to behold, his power at the forefront of every one of his movements, but seeing him like this…these are some of Y/N’s favourite times.

Thinking him still asleep, Y/N carefully pushes his mussed curls back from his face, her fingers tracing down the line of his jaw.  She can feel the stubble that’s unperceivable in the dark, and a soft sigh falls from her lips as she enjoys the rough sensation against her delicate fingers.

“Why are you awake, angel?” Harry’s low voice rumbles deep from his chest, raspy from lack of use.  Although his eyes remain closed, his face half pressed into his pillow, Y/N watches him adjust himself in the bed.

“I don’t know.” She whispers back, laying her head back on her own pillow, her gaze still on his body. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“S’alright.” Harry gives a small sigh, opening his eyes just barely. “I was just resting.  I’m fine.”

Yes, Y/N thinks, that’s another thing she isn’t quite used to.  While her body functions like that of a human, needing sleep every night, breathing oxygen into her lungs, a heart pumping blood through her veins…. Harry doesn’t.  It’s rare he sleeps, and even when he does, it’s never for more than a few hours.  He had explained to Y/N once how his heart beat so slowly when he was created, and how it stopped completely when he reached full maturity.  Although Y/N can see the faint blueish outlines of veins beneath his tattooed skin, she’s not exactly sure what runs through them.  Blood seems too common for a being like him.  And if he was ever to get hurt, Y/N’s quite certain that he wouldn’t bleed like she would.

The sensation of Harry beginning to play with her hair pulls Y/N from her thoughts. “Why are you awake, hm?” He keeps his voice low, his tone gentle.  He’s gotten better at speaking softly for her. “What’s troubling that pretty mind of yours, angel?”

Y/N half shrugs as best she can while laying down. “Nothing.  Just…thinking, I suppose.”

Harry quirks up an eyebrow. “Thinking?  About what?”

The words hesitate at the edge of Y/N’s mouth before spilling out. “How…I don’t really belong here.”

A deep hum echoes from Harry’s chest as his deep green eyes close again. “’F course you belong here, love. Don’t be silly.”

“I don’t belong here.” Y/N repeats the phrase insistently, her eyes glued to the way his jaw tenses as she says it. “I…I’m not from here.”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t belong.” Harry counters, eyes opening once again.  They’re darker now, and Y/N can see the stubbornness swirling within them. “I’m the king.  I want you here.  That means you belong.”

Y/N chews on her bottom lip, contemplating the best way to explain herself. “I just…I miss it.” She says finally, her voice small as it slips into the space between them.

Harry’s pink lips pull down into a frown. “Miss what?”

Fingers twisting together, Y/N pauses before answering Harry’s inquiry. “Above.”

“Oh, angel…” Harry sighs again as he shifts his position, pulling her into his marked chest.  His strong hands find her back in the darkness, stroking up and down over her cotton nightgown in a soothing manner. “What’s there to miss?  Angry people rushing around all the time, destroying their own planet?  Destroying themselves along with it?  No, you’re much better off down here, with me.”

“There’s plenty to miss.” Y/N counters, pressing her ear into his chest to be greeted with the familiar sound of silence. “The smell of rain, sunshine, flowers growing, birdsongs…” She sighs as she trails off. “And I like people, you know that.  They may destroy things, but down here…you destroy things too.”

“Only things that need to be.” Harry argues, his fingers continuing his tracings across her back, barely brushing over the two ridges between her shoulder blades where her wings usually sit. “Souls that deserve punishment, or souls that sold themselves to me.  It’s part of the deal, angel.”

“I miss my garden.” Y/N’s voice is barely audible as she grazes her finger over his pentagram necklace. “My rose bushes, my sunflowers…I used to grow berries, too.  Strawberries, blueberries…I would make delicious pies and scones…”

“If you truly desire those things,” Harry murmurs slowly, carefully measuring his words. “Then I can get them for you.  I can send a demon to the surface for the fruits, and all the ingredients you would need to bake.  I’m sure anything you create would taste…” The growing smirk is practically audible in his voice. “Sweet.”

Despite the light warmth that flushes her cheeks, Y/N shakes her head against his chest. “It’s not the same.” She sighs. “I miss the breeze.  I miss the ocean.  I used to run to the edge of the surf to dip my toes in the water…and I loved going to the beach at night.  On clear nights, the moon would reflect on the water like a mirror, two glowing spheres, watching over me…”

“Are you not happy here?” Harry’s voice turns gruffer as he registers the longing in her voice. “You know why going to the surface is dangerous.  The angels—”

“Would try to take me back. I know.  And I don’t want to go back.” Y/N rubs her hand over Harry’s tensed muscles, trying to soothe him back into a relaxed position. “I just miss it. Isn’t there anything you miss? Anything that causes an ache in you, deep in your chest?” She presses her palm over his stilled heart to emphasize her words.

Harry softens at her touch, relaxing back into the sheets once more. “The only absence that could ever make me ache is yours.” He kisses the top of her head, an action so tender that Y/N almost forgets he’s a demon. “Sleep, angel.  Dwelling on these matters will only cause you pain.”

Y/N kisses his collarbones chastely, the curves fitting easily underneath her lips, before settling herself back down and closing her eyes.  Although breathing isn’t necessary for Harry, the familiar action soothes her as she listens to his breaths, the sound acting as her own personal ocean as she drifts to sleep.

…

The bed is cold when Y/N wakes up again the next morning, a sign that Harry has been long gone.  Given his strange sleep schedule, this isn’t unusual. What is unusual, however, is the carefully folded note sitting on his carefully fluffed pillow.  Y/N’s name is on the top of the note, scribbled in Harry’s messy penmanship.  Y/N rubs the sleep from her eyes as she picks up the rough paper, a shiver rolling through her as she brings it to her nose.  Although there’s the now familiar burn of sulphur initially, underneath sits Harry’s musky cologne, and the faint scent of it is enough to drive her mad.

Before she allows herself to get worked up any more, Y/N carefully unfolds the note, finding more of Harry’s writing on the inside.

Breakfast will be outside today, on the palace grounds.

Y/N frowns in confusion as she reads over the words repeatedly, trying to make sense of them. Harry knows that she hates going outside the palace walls, much preferring to spend her time inside the safety of the obsidian stone structure.  Between the anguished sounds of the damned, the burning smell of sulfur, the agonizing heat…Y/N typically avoids the depressing area.  However, Y/N has always had a natural curiosity to her, ever since she was created, and she knows that Harry is aware of that, which is why she finds herself making her way to the palace grounds as soon as she’s dressed. Although the idea of going outside leaves a pit in her stomach, she can’t help but wonder what would bring Harry to want to have breakfast outside.  And, moreover, Y/N trusts Harry.  Despite every one of her natural instincts telling her that a demon is dangerous, and the king of demons is even more so, Harry’s proven to her that he wouldn’t put her in harm’s way.

When Y/N reaches the palace doors, Harry is already waiting there, his arms clasped behind his back. He’s dressed in his usual attire of a suit, but this one is one of Y/N’s favourites.  The black fabric is trimmed with red, and a pattern of intricate red and gold stitches decorates the body of the jacket.  The pants are tailored to match, fitting his legs perfectly enough that they just brush the top of his black heeled boots.  As Y/N’s eyes trail back up, she registers his usual rings on his hands—the silver skull, the ruby, the silver band, the onyx stone—as well as notes that his fingernails have freshly been painted black.  His pentagram necklace, she knows, is carefully tucked under his shirt, hidden away between the black fabric and his tattooed chest.  There’s a slight smile on his lips as he watches her walk towards him, and a satisfied expression glimmers in his dark green eyes.  As he turns his head to the side to regard her, the gold and ruby crown that sits atop his perfectly styled curls catches the low light of the lit sconces around them.

As soon as Y/N is within his reach, Harry extends a ringed hand. “Good morning, angel.” He pulls her close to him, pressing her into his chest. “You look beautiful.”

Although enduring his compliments have become the usual, Y/N still hasn’t quite gotten used to them, and a light blush grows over her cheeks. Despite the embarrassment, Y/N’s glad that his words haven’t triggered the angelic blue light that sometimes radiates from her eyes when she feels something intensely (it had happened once a few weeks ago, and the smug look on Harry’s face had made Y/N swear to herself that she wouldn’t let it happen again). “Thank you, my king.” She holds up the note curiously, gauging the expression on his face. “What’s this?”

“I have a surprise for you.” Harry lowers his voice as he leans down to brush his lips over Y/N’s ear, speaking so only she can hear his throaty words. “And I really think you’ll love it.”

His tone of voice coupled with his breath on her ear makes Y/N shiver involuntarily. “O-okay.”

Judging by the smirk on Harry’s face, Y/N can tell that her reaction hasn’t gone unnoticed. “Come, angel.” Harry tugs lightly on Y/N’s hand as his smirk transforms itself into a more tender grin. “I have something to show you.”

Y/N’s curiosity is what allows her to allow Harry to push the front doors of the palace open and lead her outside.  As expected, the moment Y/N steps into the muggy air of hell, her discomfort starts. Each breath seems to catch in her throat, and the very air around them feels as if it’s clinging to her skin, burrowing deep into her pores to start a slow burn.  A small sound of discomfort escapes Y/N’s throat against her will, catching Harry’s attention immediately.

“You’re alright, angel.” He assures her instantly, squeezing her warm hand with his own icy fingers. “Come.”

Y/N continues to allow herself to be led by Harry, all of her steps falling slightly behind his own. After a few more minutes pass, she’s about to speak again to ask what exactly is so important for her to see, until she senses a change in the air.  The more they walk, the more the burning smell of sulphur disappears from her senses. With relief finally on the horizon, Y/N’s pace finally speed up until she falls into step with Harry, her curiosity growing stronger as her discomfort slips away.

Harry squeezes her hand again, and the simple gesture is almost an encouragement as Y/N’s steps increase again.  She begins to pull him behind her, leading the way on instinct alone.  There’s an excitement in her curiosity and confusion, and Harry can feel it emanating from her as she gets closer and closer to his surprise.  It brings a smile to his face, seeing her like this.  Seeing her alive.  Seeing her bring life to a place meant for the damned.

When Y/N finally sees the source of the sweet smelling air, she stops in her tracks, her hand moving to clutch Harry’s arm in shock as her mouth falls open.  She gasps sharply, so in awe of what’s in front of her that the lack of pain from breathing hell’s hair doesn’t even register in her mind.  Her mind has no space for it.  All that she can think about is Harry behind her and the garden before her.

This is her surprise. A garden.  A real, living, almost seemingly breathing, garden.  At least, Y/N thinks it’s a garden.  The dry earth beneath her spreads into scorched grass that fades into a delightful green hue, so vibrant that Y/N almost thinks that each blade has been painted with the colour.  At the edge of the grass is a large hedge, at least three times as tall as Y/N and double as long.  The darker green leaves that make up the wall of nature are dotted with wildflowers, adding pops of white and yellow every few inches.  In the very center of the hedge is a large wooden door, built out of dark, sturdy wood studded with shining iron bolts.  Although there’s a large wrought-iron knocker in the center of the wood, there’s no handle, and fear of not being able to see inside the magnificent structure seizes Y/N’s body as she turns to look at Harry with questioning and concerned eyes.

Harry seems to read the question in Y/N’s eyes, and the demon steps forward in response. “Here.” He says, taking Y/N’s hand from his arm and pressing it to the door, his own hand cupped over hers protectively.  There’s a cadence to his voice that Y/N’s never heard before, and it takes her a moment to register it as excitement as he continues speaking. “It only opens to your touch.”

Y/N feels a shudder underneath her hand, almost as if the wood has registered that the palm pressed against it is her own.  The force keeping it closed suddenly fades away, and Y/N easily pushes the large door open to reveal the garden inside.  

The crisp and clear scent of fresh air hits Y/N first, almost bowling her over completely.  For the first time in a long time, she’s able to inhale deeply and freely, not worrying about what the air around her may do to her body.  The high hedge wall, along with the trees that create a canopy over the whole garden, seem to act like a barrier, blocking out the smells and sounds of hell. Y/N can smell various flowers and plants all around her, as well as the wonderfully earthy scent of dirt, and as she gazed around the natural enclosure, all she can hear is—

“Birds!” Y/N gasps in amazement as a small mockingbird lands on a tree branch, chirping happily.  Without tearing her gaze away from the small creature, she poses half a question to Harry. “How—?”

Harry, still standing at the edge of the garden after closing the door behind them, knows her question before she even finishes. “I created it for you last night.” He says simply, his green irises glued to her every movement. “After our discussion.”

Y/N turns in a slow circle as she does her best to take in every detail around her.  Birds, she realizes, aren’t the only creatures inside the haven; butterflies fly through the air, moving leisurely from flower to flower, and the chittering of squirrels scrambling up and down the trees mixed with the sounds of all the birds hidden in the leaves.  A rustling in the bushes catches Y/N’s attention, and she manages to catch a glimpse of the cotton tail of a bunny before it hides under the foliage. A small frown tugs on the corner of her lips as she wonders why the bunnies are hiding away—heavenly beings are usually beloved by any living creatures—but like before, Harry guesses her question before she can ask it.

“They, uh, they don’t like me.” He clears his throat halfway through his sentence, his eyes gauging her reaction to his words. “Living creatures aren’t very fond of demons.  Unlike your kind, we don’t smell like sunshine and cotton candy.”

Despite her delight in his gift, Y/N can’t help but roll her eyes a bit at his gentle ribbing. “I don’t smell like sunshine and cotton candy.” She says, reaching out a delicate finger to a butterfly floating near her.  The tiny creature lands on her finger easily, without hesitation, and Y/N notices how Harry doesn’t receive the same treatment from the other butterflies in the air.  In fact, now that she’s paying attention, she quickly realizes that every living being in the garden around them is steering clear of the king.  She can’t quite blame them, she thinks, her eyes flickering over Harry’s closed off posture, dark appearance, and powerful aura.  Everything about him radiates the energy of someone who is dangerous.  And yet, Y/N’s never felt safer in hell than she does in this moment.

At the thought of safety, a new fear crosses her mind “Are they safe here?” Y/N asks in a hushed voice. “The animals?  I don’t want them to get hurt, or…”

“This garden is its own ecosystem.” Harry finally makes his way away from the garden edge, taking Y/N’s hand in a reassuring manner.  The butterfly on her finger flutters away as he gets closer, but Y/N’s attention is once again focused on the feeling of Harry’s cool fingers on her flushed skin. “As long as they stay in here, they’re safe.  I swear it.” Harry says, sincerity clear in his voice.

Y/N’s heart pounds beneath her chest, every once of her senses alight as they bask in the fresh air around her. “Oh, Harry…” Her eyes widen again as she begins to catalogue all the varieties of plants growing around her.  Not only were there flowers galore—fragrant roses of all colours, sunflowers taller than her, fragrant lilies, vibrant tulips, bright daffodils—all of her favourites, she notes—but past a grove of trees is— “Are those berries?”

The dimples that Y/N so rarely sees in Harry’s cheeks appear as he smiles at her excitement. “Yes.” He leads her over, his own excitement growing with every step.  Y/N notices how he walks with care, making sure not to step on any flora with his heeled boots.  It’s strange, seeing the king of hell being so cautious, but she appreciates it nonetheless.

Harry points to the various bushes around them with a painted finger, naming them as he goes. “Strawberries, blueberries…everything you’ve missed.  There’s room for you to plant more, as well.  If you’d like.” He glances at her for a moment, an unreadable look in his deep green eyes before he turns back to the plants. “And I set up a few stone benches throughout the garden, so you can come sit here when you need a break.  There’s one under the willow tree, one by the rose bushes, and one by the—”

“The water.” Y/N whispers, voice barely audible.  If Harry was human, he wouldn’t be able to hear the quiet gasp leave her lips. “Harry…”

When Y/N’s hand slowly slips out of Harry’s to walk to the water feature at the edge of the garden, she feels as though she’s in a trance.  Perhaps it’s the water itself, she thinks, calling out to her to soak her hell-scorched skin within its cooling depths.  Somehow, Harry had managed to make a small waterfall flow down from the top of the hedge into a crystal clear pool, which babbled delightfully with the motion.  Although the pool isn’t large, it’s certainly big enough to swim in, and just the very thought of slipping into the water brings a feeling of relief to Y/N.  Peering over the edge, she can see a few fish swimming around in the crystal clear water, and a new feeling of gratefulness mixes with the previous.

So entranced in the small pond, Y/N doesn’t even realize that Harry has followed behind her, keeping his distance by a few feet so she can admire the water. “Do you like it?” He asks, the excitement in his voice seeping out in exchange for a nervous and unsure tone. “It’s not…done yet.  I just did it quickly, so it—I can still add more, or take out things you don’t like, or—”

“Harry.” Y/N turns to face him with tears in her eyes, a small shake of her head being the only action she’s capable of. “This is…wonderful.  I don’t know how to thank you…”

Harry’s own eyes grow softer as he notices the tears welled in Y/N’s lash line, reflecting the light that seems to emanate from her eyes. “You don’t need to thank me.” He keeps his voice low, as if he’s worried speaking loudly will break whatever it is that’s growing between them. “I…I want you to be happy here.  I want you to feel like…this is your home.”

“I do.” Y/N promises sincerely, taking both of his hands in hers as she speaks.  She kisses his knuckles, her warm lips a contrast against the cold metal and stones of his rings. “Thank you.  I truly mean it.  Thank you.”

A new look passes through Harry’s eyes, more unreadable than anything Y/N’s ever seen before.  His pink lips are just as much a mystery, no expression available on them as he pulls a hand from her grasp in order to cup her cheek.  Despite the callouses on his fingers, and the cool temperature of his skin, Y/N leans into his touch, pressing her cheek into his palm.

“You’re welcome.” Harry’s thumb brushes over Y/N’s cheek bone, and the motion is so delicate and tender that Y/N isn’t quite sure what to make of it. “You’re…you’re so very welcome.”

Although he’s giving a polite response to her thanks, Y/N can’t help but feel like something deeper sits underneath the simple phrase as Harry repeats it.  She’s welcome.  So very welcome.  But welcome where?  In this garden?  Into his life?  Into him? The very thought of a double meaning causes her heart to pound, and by the flicker in Harry’s eyes, she knows he can hear it.

The questions bubble to her lips, but catch themselves on the tip of her tongue as her eyes detect a movement in the corner of gaze.  The breeze around them (Y/N isn’t sure where the breeze is coming from, but she’s grateful for it nonetheless) move something she hadn’t noticed before.  All questions about Harry’s intention fade away as her eyes focus on the sturdy branch of an oak tree, and the carefully woven ropes and wooden seat that hang from it.  She drops his hands, stepping out of his grasp and towards the object of her attention. “Is that—is that a swing?”

A light chuckle rolls from Harry’s lips at the awe in her voice. “Yes.” He says, his amusement clear in the word. “Would you like me to push you?”

The offer is so casual, and yet, it brings a sudden shyness to Y/N’s reply. “Only if the king would like to.”

Harry bows his head, his crown sparkling atop his brown curls as he extends a hand. “It would be my honour, angel.”

Y/N matches his smile as she takes his hand once again.

[insomniamamma]

Late Bloomers: Ezra x F! Reader w/Cee

A/n: Set in the "Liminal" AU in which Ezra becomes his niece, Cee's legal guardian after a car accident kills his brother, Damon, and costs him his arm. Set sometime between "Ferris  Wheels Are For Old People" and "Surf City Goodness." Reader is Ezra's neighbor. Established relationship (sort of, IDK how to tag what they are). For @autumnleaves1991-blog​ and @clydesducktape​ Writer Wednesday.

Warnings: Not a whole lot. Kissing. Touching. A little spicier than I usually go, which isn't saying whole lot. A little language.  Cee, as usual, needs her own warning. Set during the pandemic shut down. Mentions of covid. Also, I feel like 'The Apple' needs it's own warning. I'll link the trailer at the end.

           "You sure you don't want to come with us, Birdie?" Cee sits at their scarred kitchen table, her laptop, textbooks and a pile of papers around her. She frowns.           "I gotta study," she says, "Ms Stewart is really serious about this quiz. She's not grading on a curve this time." Ezra narrows his eyes.           "You have never spent a Saturday night studying in your life," he says. Cee frowns up at him.           "You've never been in Ms. Stewart's physics class," says Cee, "She's a hard ass. Anyway, I'm still pulling an 'A' in her class, but I don't want to fuck up my average."           "Jesus, Cee," Ezra mutters, and you have to smile. She rolls her eyes.           "I know, I know--"           "Don't say 'fuck' at school," they say in unison.           "They're doing double features all summer," says Cee, "I can miss one. I've seen all these movies anyway." She smirks, "I want to hear what you think of 'The Apple.'" Ezra rummages around for his keys and Cee drops you the most exaggerated wink you've ever seen in your life.           "Have fun, guys," she says.

         Covid has nuked most of the things you used to do for fun, restaurants and shows, hell, even the libraries are closed. The only business in town that's thriving is the Star-City Drive In. There haven't been any big studio releases in a while, so they've been doing Fright Night Fridays and Sci-Fi Saturdays. Tonight's double feature is Flash Gordon and The Apple.          "They've got this weird way of operating the concession stand now," says Ezra, "Cause of the pandemic. You've gotta text them your order and I guess they bring it out to you--" Ezra's gotten pretty good at working his phone one-handed, but you can see the frustration clouding his face.          "Let me," you say, loading the menu onto your phone, "Let's get a big popcorn and share it. You okay with the fake butter?"          "Of course I'm okay with the fake butter, what kind of monster do you take me for?"          "How about candy?" You ask, scrolling through, "It's the usual suspects."          "Sno-caps," he says, "How about you?"          "I'm thinking Milk Duds," you say.          "Now that is an excellent way to lose a filling, Sunshine."          "Popcorn and Milk Duds together? Worth the risk," you say and text your order off to the concession stand. It's not quite dark yet, a reel of movie trivia that no one cares about shines ghost pale on the screen. Ez has got the radio tuned to pick up the sound, but there's not much to listen to yet so it's turned down low, background noise with the cicadas and birdsong. The big screen backs up against a farmer's field run wild and a dark stand of trees.          "Switch places with me," says Ezra, and gets out of the truck. He comes around to your side and opens the door for you.          "Why?"          "Indulge me," says Ezra, so you do as he asks and settle in to the driver's side. Ezra's truck has bench seats with vinyl that creaks and cushions that hiss slightly as you move around. There's a tap at the window and you hook your mask over your ears and crank it down, popcorn and candy and you already payed with your phone, but press some rumpled bills into their gloved hands.          "Why'd you want to switch places?" You ask around a mouthful of popcorn.          "Shhh," says Ezra, "The movie's starting."

         Flash Gordon is just as fun as you remember it being, majestic in its absurdity, a big love letter to all the terrible pulp sci-fi movies that came before, the two of you watch and snark and laugh and sing "Aaa-ahhh" whenever someone says Flash's name. We owe it to Queen, you say, and Ezra smiles big the way he does when something's caught him off guard, the way that crinkles his eyes and reveals his dimples, indeed we do. We owe it to Freddie Mercury.          At some point his arm finds it's way around your shoulders and you lean into him.          "So this is why you wanted to switch spots," you murmur. He raises his prosthetic arm, flickering movie light shining on the double hook at the end.          "Can't exactly get handsy with Mr. Claw, now can I?" He grins, "These hooks might be a little chilly."          "And pokey," you say, demonstrating with a dig to his ribs. The end credits are rolling.          "You ever seen this next movie?"          "The Apple?" He says, "No. Some sort of cult-movie thing. Cee made me promise not to IMDB it. She said I should go in with an open mind."          "Oh boy," you laugh.          "Right? Cee's tastes are all over the place. I suspect this will be either amazing  or terrible on a scale that recalibrates our internal gauge of what terrible is."          "You know she set us up, right?"          "Yeah," says Ezra, "Little Bird fancies herself quite the matchmaker."          "She winked at me." Ezra dimples.          "Did she now?"          "She looked like a cartoon," you laugh, "About as subtle as a ton of bricks." Ezra brays laughter and leans against you, squeezes you closer to him at the same time. He is beautiful when he laughs, all dimples and teeth eyes screwed shut in mirth and you take this opportunity to press a kiss against that tender place on his jaw where his beard refuses to grow. Ezra freezes, you feel his body go rigid against yours, and your first thought is to apologize, to pull back, and then he reaches for you, his broad, calloused palm cradling your face, drawing you to him, presses his lips to yours, a soft, reverent kiss that he does not fully withdraw from, his hand now resting on the nape of your neck, forehead pressed to yours, somehow more intimate than a kiss, this closeness, breathing each others exhalations, leaning against each other.          "Cee's not wrong," you say, "We're good together."          "We are, aren't we?" He gives your nape a gentle squeeze, and lets you go. The opening titles of The Apple flicker on screen and the music starts up.

         "Oh, Ezra, what the fuck did we just watch?"          "I don't know if 'watch' is the right word, Sunshine, we did not 'watch' The Apple. The Apple happened to us."          "I don't think I've ever understood Stockholm syndrome until now."          "I have been assaulted," says Ezra, "My civil rights have been violated."          "It's like..." You trail off, "It's like if someone took '1984', 'A Star Is Born' and 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' and put them in a blender. I'm pretty sure this movie violates the Geneva conventions." Ezra laughs and so do you, leaning in to each other, giggles that become kisses, soft at first, but increasingly hungry, laced with need, your arms twine around his shoulders, his hand lingers at your side, toying with the hem of your shirt.          "S'okay, Ez," you say as he nips at your jaw and then your neck, gentle graze of teeth that makes you shiver, "You can touch me." He kisses you deep, his tongue fever-hot against yours, hand sliding up the soft slope of your belly, cupping your breast, and you arch into his touch--          Tap Tap Tap. And there's a bright light shining through the passenger's side window.          "Oh shit," says Ezra. You frantically yank your shirt back down, heat creeping up your neck, your cheeks, your earlobes flaming.          "Movie's over guys," says the shadowed figure behind the flashlight's glare, "Take it someplace else." You open the door to switch places back with Ezra, the overhead light shows him red faced and horrified.          "I'm sorry, I just--"          "Get us out of here, Ez."

         You stare out into the dark past the window, half-moon shining over fields and trees like a lazy eye. You snort laughter.          "What's so funny?"          "We got caught," you say, "We got caught necking at the drive-in like a couple of teenagers."          "You're laughing because we got caught?"          "I'm laughing because I've never made out with anyone at a drive-in, even when I was a teenager, and I'm laughing cause we got caught. After watching that trash-fire of a movie. We got caught making out over the end credits of 'The Apple'. I feel like we deserve some kind of award." You rest your hand on Ezra's leg, can just pick his smile in the dim lights from the dash. Ezra chuckles.          "I never made out with anyone at the drive in before tonight either," says Ezra.          "Bullshit," you say, and give him a good-natured poke.          "It's true," he says, "For one, I didn't have access to a car. I would've had to borrow Ma's car, and there was no way that was ever going to happen. Also, I was not what the girls back then referred to as 'dating material'. Skinny as a rake with a mouthful of braces and an obvious birthmark? I was like a puppy trying to grow into it's ears and feet, a late bloomer if you will." You move your hand higher up along his thigh and give him a squeeze.          "Better late than never."          "Indeed."

Flash Gordon Trailer

The Apple Trailer

[unironicduncanstan]

Randi’s Kustom Kandi! (Comes with free stickers!)

🌈💖 Hello, I’m a queer autistic low-income artist selling completely customized Kandi bracelets for $1 a piece ! 💖🌈

😘 Details and how to start your order below 😘

💲 COST: Pony bead bracelets, with colors, b&w words, or plain star beads, are $1 each, no taxes, just $1.00 flat. The use of colored letters and iridescent stars are $1.25. As of right now to keep stock up, bracelets consisting of Only star beads aren’t available to order. Charm options are not yet available, but will eventually be added, and prices may range. This is all just based on how much it costs to buy the beads to make these bracelets! 💲

📦 SHIPPING: Each order will end up with a different estimate for shipping costs, based on where you live, and how many bracelets you order. I ship through USPS and I should be able to ship almost anywhere, but the further away you are, the higher shipping will be. I’m shipping out of Kansas. Domestic shipping will probably start at around $3 - $8, international shipping will just have to depend. If you want an estimate before starting an order, just give me your address and an idea of how many bracelets you might want, and I’ll get back to you asap. 📦

🤷‍♀️ AVAILABILITY: I have a full rainbow array of pony beads including b&w, some neons and pastels too, I have a nice color range of star beads including b&w and transparent, and some iridescent star beads as well, and then for letters I have black on white, white on black, color on black and color on white. A lot of these can be seen in the example image above!  🤷‍♀️

IMPORTANT TO NOTE;;; My pony beads are all around 6x4mm, and the letter beads are 6x6mm. This is considered somewhat Small for kandi bracelets. This isn’t a choice I made to skimp out, this size is actually more expensive and harder to find than the usual 6x9mm, I just very much prefer this size to work with and wear. It’s only a tad bit more subtle, but it fits most people a lot better and I would Definitely recommend it for people with smaller wrists or who are just starting out with Kandi.

🤔 HOW TO ORDER: So basically, how you choose to tell me the pattern you want is up to you, you can draw it out if you want or just try to explain it with words, or whatever else works. Once you explain what you want, I’ll show you what beads I have that match your request, and you can decide what you want out of those options. 

An example could be; “I would like a bracelet with a repeating pattern of red and blue pony beads, with the word PLUR in black on white letters, and two pink stars on each side, just like this!” 

To which I might say; “Ok, here I have 2 shades of red and 4 shades of blue, and I have plain pink stars or iridescent pink, which ones would you like me to use?” and then I’d show you a picture of all of these colors for you to decide! Once we have all your bracelets planned out, I’ll ask for a few more details to give you your total price. Then once the payment goes through, I’ll start working! Whenever your bracelets are all complete, I’ll send you pictures of the finished products to make sure you like them (if not I’ll redo at no extra charge). After you give the OK, I’ll ship them out! (You can also ask for some ‘random/surprise me’ bracelets if you aren’t sure of any patterns, of course.)

What I have in stock might vary, I will try to update this post as that goes, so please make sure to visit this posts SOURCE instead of a reblog before you start an order to check for availability. Please send your order requests to THIS blog, through PM if you can. If you want an alternate way of communication, contact me however you can and we’ll go from there. I have discord, facebook messenger, email, etc. 🤔

🤷🏻 WHAT ELSE I NEED: When confirming your order, I’ll need your shipping address. I’ll then be able to calculate shipping cost and give you a full price. (Again, zero hard feelings if you can’t afford the price I give, like, bad vibes in the NEGATIVES, been there done that, and I’ll be available if you ever do have the funds, but please understand I can’t change shipping costs, I really would make it free if I could.) After that I’ll ask for your paypal and send a payment request, once that payment goes through is when I start your order! I’ll have to ask a few more questions, like your wrist measurements (or an estimate, since the bracelet is made of elastic it’ll have a decent amount of stretch, but this may warp how spaced your beads are if it’s too inaccurate.), and i’ll need your first and last name (it doesnt have to be a legal name, just something to put on your package). 🤷🏻

📫 SHIPPING TIME: Once again, this will depend on how far you are, and because of c0v1d it may be more delayed than expected. I’ll try to send you a tracking number as soon as your item ships. 📫

📿 CHARMS: If you’d like more options, the best solution I’ve been able to think of for now is that if you’d like, you could surf Ebay, Etsy, Etc. till you find some charms you’d want me to use, and then if you’re okay with covering the cost to get them (typically $5 to $15 for a decent lot) and then waiting a bit extra for me to receive them, I would have no problem using those for you! :) Someday I’d really like to stock up on popular charms to have more choices available, but I don’t quite have the funds quite yet. Thank you for your understanding. 📿

😷 ALLERGY/SENSITIVE SKIN NOTICE: I seal small parts of my bracelets to reduce the chance of breakage. I use a very tiny drop of Loctite Super Glue Gel on the knot. This glue does not keep the beads from moving freely or lock them into place, it’s used sparingly as a sealant. If you ever receive a bracelet that is locked or sticky, I would fully refund you and offer to send another. You can also absolutely opt out of this, Just add “No glue” somewhere to your order. Just be warned that your bracelet will be less protected from breakage. 😷

❗ DISCLAIMER: Either way, I cannot take responsibility for a bracelet eventually breaking down. Kandi and elastic bracelets in general are a bit prone to snapping, but mostly over time and especially if used in rave settings. I use high quality jewelry elastic from amazon, very high rated and recommended by other Kandi makers, and I knot them 3 times, so mine should last as long as they possibly can. Please make sure your wrist measurements are as accurate as they can be, and please be gentle when taking them on or off, just being careful will help prolong it’s usage by a lot. Now if a bracelet arrives broken, I will of course replace it, no extra charge. ❗

🦄 STICKERS: Order 5 bracelets and get one free sticker! Order 10 and get two, so on and so forth in a pattern of 5. The stickers are hand cut by me from large books and sheets, so the edges might look odd but the sticker itself should be unharmed. These are completely random, and based loosely around a scenecore aesthetic. Most are pretty ‘medium’ sized, but they do range quite a bit. 🦄

✍ CONTENT: Kandi, scene and rave culture, is in a general sense, a very upbeat and supportive based environment. I do not want to make bracelets with negative messages on them. I will obviously NEVER make any with hate speech or rude remarks, but beyond that, please keep your phrases positive. If you want something thats meant to fight hate, like “kill all n*zis” or something, I'm not opposed to that as it’s for justice, it’s just that most Kandi is focused on ‘happy party vibe’ messages. As far as media or interests, like if you want a bracelet that says “Gir” or “100 gecs”, or uses ship names, etc. I will not deny you any interest you choose. BUT, I am personally uncomfortable with d.dl/g and won’t make bracelets based on that, nor will I ever make bracelets supporting ped0ph1lic or 1ncestu0us content, including if they’re based on medias or fictional ships. As far as pride bracelets, I would LOVE to make those for you, and I will Never deny working with your identity, pronouns, etc. once again, unless it’s a p/ed0 flag or something. I will never deny working with any mental or physical disability/illness or other kind of divergency pride. Race and/or religion pride is also great except for “White pr1de” because of the violent connotations behind that concept. NSFW Kandi is fine, cussing is fine, I hope this goes without saying but please only ask for Kandi with a slur on it if you can reclaim that slur, and overall, just be mindful with what you ask for if you plan to wear it in public settings like raves. If you have any controversial ideas you felt this didn’t cover, please feel free to ask, I will not get angry at you for your request, even if I have to deny it. ✍

Thank you for reading! I look forward to doing business with you 😊

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Filming Ch. 10 | Connor Brashier

A/n: Sorry for the delay, work and classes have been hell the past couple weeks! But here is the second to last chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it!

Summary: it’s the first time you’re seeing each other since your date. It’s… well, it’s something. 

Word count: 1.8k

***

Week 10

Filming is only easy when you and the subject are comfortable with one another. Neither of us are comfortable now. I can't look at Connor without seeing those lipstick stains on his jaw and down his chest, the way his hair was fucked from her fingers. He would have been the most beautiful I've ever seen had those stains been from me and if his hair was messed up by my fingers. But they weren't it, it wasn't, but he’s still so beautiful, and I hate him for it. 

And since this is the first time we’ve seen each other since that night, I don’t think it makes things any easier. He’s tried so many times to get me to talk to him. He’s texted, called, he even showed up at the dorms once, but I didn’t let him in. He knocked and asked for me for a good fifteen minutes before he finally caved, realizing that I wasn’t going to let him in now, or ever if my heart would stop trying to control my being. 

And now he's looking at me in a way that says "I'm sorry." But I don't know if he's sorry he did it or because he got caught, and I don't really want to know the answer. Because knowing would mean that he would have to explain and I can't let him explain. I can't get hurt again. Especially not by him when he holds my entire heart in his hands and just one misstep from him and it'll be completely shattered. 

"So, we uh… we still have to do the interview." Connor says, picking at his fingernails.

I sigh, "I know. That's the last thing, right?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Then we just have to put them in and add a few overlays and the background music."

"I can put the clips in if you want to do the overlays. You're better at layering."

"We could do it together. I think we should both be okay with the ending before we turn it in."

"Fine," I nod. "Should we do the interview now?"

"Oh, um. Yeah, I guess. Outside would probably be better. It's kind of loud in here," he says, fiddling now with the napkin under his cup.

I nod, "Lighting isn’t great here either. Let's go."

The wind is cold, hitting us hard when we walk out of the cafe and I immediately regret leaving my jacket in my car. I wrap my arms around my middle, curing into myself as we walk down the street to the small cluster of trees that I don't really consider a park, but the city does. I don’t realize I’m shivering, curling even more into myself until I feel something heavy covering my shoulders. 

“You look cold,” he mutters.

“No, Connor,” I start to protest, but he stops me.

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Promise.”

I sigh, “Thank you,” I mumble before slipping my arms through the sleeves.

It’s difficult to get the camera set up with the uneven ground, but we find a rock that gives us just enough height to keep the tripod from moving too dramatically with the wind.  “You ready?” I ask after fixing the settings to accommodate the harsh light the clouds are casting over Connor’s perfect facial features. It’s rude that he can be my whole life - the only thing occupying my thoughts on any given day - and I want so badly to hate him. I want to hate him and I want to be mad at him. But I can’t. I can’t do it. Because he’s sitting there under the tree and even in this light he’s beautiful and I want to kiss him over and over and never stop. 

“Y/n? You okay?” he asks.

I blink, bringing myself back to reality. “Yeah. Sorry. Um… we’re recording. Full name?”

“Connor David Brashier. I’m twenty-one, and a junior here at UCLA.”

“What are some of your hobbies?”

“Surfing, filming, playing video games, and... hanging out with you.”

I clear my throat, shaking my head. That answer wasn’t necessary. 

“Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

“Ten years?” He nods. “In ten years I see myself still filming. Maybe having actually directed a movie or music video or two. Married, hopefully. Maybe even have a kid or two, or three. Depending of course on who I’m with, if she wants kids or not. You want kids?”

“Connor,”  I scold. 

“What?” he smiles and my heart flutters. “It’s a general question. You want kids?”

I sigh, “Yeah, someday I might want a couple… Next question. I asked this when we started this project. You said you could see yourself falling in love,” I look down, not wanting to look him in the eyes as he answers. “So, have you ever been in love?”

“I have,” he answers instantly. “I am right now actually, and I’m looking at her right now. And she’s beautiful.”

---

“Is the lighting okay?” I ask, tugging on the sleeves of the jacket he gave me earlier. 

“Lighting’s perfect. You’re perfect. Just,” he steps forward and brushes his thumb across my cheekbone. “You had an eyelash.”

I feel myself turning red, and I shiver at the contact. I want to keep him there. I want to grab his hand and keep him against me, but I don’t. 

“Ready?”

I nod, “Yeah.”

“Full name?”

“Y/n y/m/n y/l/n.”

We go through the same standard questions I asked him and I know what question is next. I dread answering it.

“Last question.”

“Okay,” I look down at my hands, covered by the long sleeves of his jacket. I’m surrounded by his scent and I want to drown in it, which is how I know what my answer is going to be.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Yes,” I nod. “I am now. It’s consuming. It drives you. But it stops you too.”

He tilts his head at me. “What do you mean?”

“Suddenly things you used to do alone don’t feel as good as when you do them with that person. And when you’re not with them? It’s tourture. You want to spend every moment with them and you can’t and it sucks. It sucks because they’re not yours.”

He stops recording, I know because when he’s kneeling down in front of me, I don’t see the blinking red light behind his head. “Not yours? Y/n, I’m yours. Utterly and completely.”

“That girl from the other night said otherwise.”

He sighs, “I was hurt. You went out with Shawn. You said no and then you said yes and that hurt, baby. It hurt so much.”

“He told you?” I shake my head, “I didn’t kiss him. We had dinner and I couldn’t stop talking about you. That’s how my date went. That’s why I ended up at your place.”

“But how was I supposed to know that? You wouldn’t talk to me the same after I told you I loved you. You didn’t even tell me about your date. Shawn did.”

“Yes. He called me after he asked. He wanted to know if I was okay with it. And I wasn’t, y/n. I wasn’t but you weren’t mine and I couldn’t make that decision for you. But we’re here now. We’re on the same page. I want you, you want me. What’s the problem here?”

“The problem is that neither of us are relationship material.”

“What do you mean we’re not relationship material? You’ve read more books about relationships than anyone I know.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, Connor!”

“Y/n! I want to be with you. Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because I can’t ever believe this is real if it started as a joke. Or if you’re gonna go out and fuck any girl with boobs at the first sign of trouble. I like,” I stop myself. “I love you, Connor. But this relationship would be built on lies and that’s not what I want.”

“So you’re never going to believe me? No matter how many times I say it? No matter how many nights I spend outside your door, begging you to talk to me? No matter how many times I promise you that it’s only you? That it’ll only ever be you. No matter how many times I tell you that you deserve that romance you read about? No matter how many times I promise to try and give that to you? To be the cheesiest boyfriend known to man. It’s not gonna be enough.”

“I want to believe you, Con. I do. But it’s hard right now. Maybe now just isn’t our time.”

“Then I’ll wait.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Y/n. Please. Just… give me one more chance.” His hands find the sides of my face and I hate that I melt into his warm touch. 

I sigh, pulling his hands away reluctantly. “I’ll have to think about it.”

He nods, “Take your time. But I can tell you this, I’m not going for anyone else. That night? Nothing else happened. She was kissing me-”

“Connor, don’t.”

“No, I have to make sure you know. You told me that nothing happened with Shawn. I believe you. And I need you to believe me when I tell you that nothing happened. I had her leave after you left. I didn’t want to have sex with her. Brian thought I needed a rebound, just someone to take my mind off you. But it didn’t work. It wasn’t fun being with her. It didn’t help. Baby, you’re the only one I want. I haven’t gotten over the feeling of your lips on mine since it first happened.”

I shake my head, “You have to stop.”

“What?”

“Stop saying things that make me want to kiss you. I can’t kiss you.”

“I give you permission,” he shrugs with a sheepish smile.

I laugh, really laugh. “You’re an idiot. 

“But I got you to laugh. That’s a good sign, right?”

I sigh and run my fingers through his hair. “I need time, bub.”

“You called me bub. Is that a good sign?” he asks, hopefully.

I rest my forehead on his. “Connor, please.”

“I want to kiss you,” he mumbles, his lips inching closer to mine. 

“I want you to kiss me.” I confirm, closing the distance. I sigh in content, and his tongue roams my mouth. It’s perfect. He’s perfect. And I don’t need the time. But that’s my heart talking. My brain still needs it, which is why I pull back. “A week.”

“A week?”

“That’s what I need. I’ll have an answer for you then.”

He nods, “C’mere.” He kisses me again and I let him, feeling warm, feeling safe in his arms once again.

***

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