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1-800-kami · 1 year ago

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R U MINE? feat. gojo satoru

gojo satoru has got to be the picture definition of a stereotypical college frat boy. he’s cocky, loaded with his daddy’s money, and dangerously handsome. it seems like common sense to stay away from him since you’ll never get more than a one-night stand out of it.

that’s why you choose to turn a blind eye once you’ve come to the horrific realization: you’re in love with him. and you’re just itching to ask…

“are you mine tomorrow? or just mine tonight?”

IMPORTANT: part two is out! read here :)

content: 8k words, afab!reader, angst! fluff! heartbreak! n everything in between! implied smut, rich college frat boy gojo and hellcat driver geto 🤑, emotional rollercoaster, reader has a toxic ex, trust issues (?) gojo is absolutely insufferable, misunderstandings, use of words hoe, slut, etc., mutual pining, some jjk character cameos (wink wink) me writing very unfunny dialogue, no bc wtf is this, cheating implications, emo gojo (the worst warning of them all)

author's note: hello hello! my name is kami, i've been reblogging fics on tumblr for a while now but i've recently figured out how to work this hellsite, so i'm going to start posting fics that i write! thank you to those who enjoyed my nanami drabble <3 kisses 4 u all.

this fic IS split into two parts and there is smut in the second part. so just. prepare yourselves for that ig.

reblog and interact for a kiss ;)

“so… let me get this straight.��

“go ahead.”

shoko takes a deep breath, and you just somehow know that she’s pinching her nose in exasperation right now. “utahime dragged you out to a party in hopes that you would hit it off with somebody. you wander off on your own and later, she sees you and gojo–THE gojo satoru–giving you his number?!”

“uh, yeah. that’s exactly what happened.”

“do you even understand what you’re getting yourself into?! that man bags hoes like they’re pokemon!” you readjust the phone against your ear and sigh at shoko’s comment.

“okay, first of all, never say that again. second, i rejected all of his advances. i didn’t even save his number.” you stare at the crinkled-up note in your hands, which proudly displays his number and a slick call me if you change your mind ;). you wonder if you could sell this paper to his fangirls–you’d surely make a little bit of cash out of it. “i’ve seen gojo around. i know that i shouldn’t mess with him. plus, he was drunk as hell at the party; i doubt he even remembers my name. to him, i’m just some chick that he’s frustrated at because she didn’t want to fuck him the second she saw him.”

“do you… do you share any classes with him?”

“i don’t think i do.. just, don’t worry about it, okay? i’ll throw away his number and we can put all of this behind us. here, i’ll do it right now.” you rip up the paper into a few pieces before tossing it in the garbage can. hopefully, you did it loud enough that shoko heard it through the phone. “i get that you’re worried for me. and i appreciate that, but i can handle myself.”

“just… no more mention of gojo anymore, okay? you’re right, y/n. let’s just put this all behind us.” shoko sighs, and you smile at that. problem solved. you threw away his number, and he’s most likely moved on to the next girl by now, so that was that. now, you just have to forget about satoru gojo.

all to never let yourself get hurt ever again.

it’s hard to forget about gojo.

not because of those dangerous blue eyes of his–getting anyone lost in them if they stare for too long. not because of his stupid silvery white hair, which makes him look like a mop, and sometimes like a paintbrush. not that stupid cocky grin of his, either…

...but because you’ve recently found out that he sits next to you for physics.

the revelation was truly disheartening. you thought you could avoid him for the rest of the year because as far as you knew, you shared no classes with him. however, you completely forgot about the fact that gojo never attends class in the first place, and you don’t even know what classes he’s in… because he’s never there. so finding out that the seat next to you in physics wasn’t just an empty seat, and it was gojo’s assigned one, was truly an experience.

“gojo.” the name alone makes your heart stop, and you drop your pen to look at the man your teacher was addressing. “finally choosing to attend class for once?”

speak of the devil.

there he was, in all his glory–the man you’d never thought you had to deal with ever again. the man who tried to butter you up with his corny sweet talk so that you would go home with him for the night. the man who persisted with talking to you, even though you were barely interested. the man, who, at the end of the night, insisted on writing down his number for you in case you changed your mind about him and gave him a chance.

you wanted to shrink into your seat and never resurface.

“good morning, yaga!” he says rather loudly, with no regard to honorifics at all. a few giggles could be heard across the classroom–though geto suguru’s voice was prominent–satoru’s equally as infamous bestfriend. “and yeah! it’s surprising, isn’t it?”

what’s also surprising is how gojo took a seat next to you. you thought that there was a mistake, that your teacher would scold him for sitting somewhere he isn’t supposed to sit and relocate him elsewhere. however, yaga just grumbles and begins the lesson, leaving you helpless and unable to look at the man next to you.

you swear he’s burning holes at the back of your head.

pleasdon’tremembermeisweartogodpleasedon’trememberme-

“you’re that girl from the party, right?” he whispers, and you’ve never wanted to disappear so badly in your life. you slowly nod your head, turning to look at him, and he pouts. “y/n l/n. you never saved my number. hmph, i was looking forward to a text from you, too.”

“i’m surprised you even remember me, 'cause you were fucking wasted that night.” you twiddle your pencil, averting your gaze from the man. “and i never saved your number cause i threw the paper in the trash. it’s probably at a landfill somewhere, y’know.”

your words catch him off guard, and you laugh at how surprised satoru looks. it seems that’s definitely not an emotion he shows often. despite his initial reaction, satoru swears he could feel butterflies with the way your laugh sounds.

“not a common problem for a womanizer, huh?”

“what did you just call me?!-”

“y/n and gojo, do either of you have something to share with the class?” a dark blush of embarrassment covers your face, and somewhere in the back, you could hear geto snickering. gojo just smirks at yaga, seeming completely uanffected. “then i’d suggest you stay quiet the rest of this lesson. don’t make me separate you two.”

“i’d prefer that, actually…” gojo huffs at your comment, thinking of this as a lost opportunity if the two of you get separated. he does a once over at your appearance. you’re cute, but definitely not the party kind. you’re playing hard to get, and gojo finds it adorable–not a lot of girls go that way with him. however, gojo thinks you’re not just like any girl. there’s something different about you that intrigues him.

“did no one ever tell you that it’s rude to stare?”

“how could i not? you’re so cute.”

“i thought you already learned from the party, gojo. i’m not interested in you.”

the light blush coating your cheeks says otherwise. he smiles cheekily at the way you tried to hide your reaction to his words. you’re an enigma to gojo… and he’s drawn to you like a moth to a flame. he thinks he’s made his decision.

he’s gonna do whatever’s possible to get your number.

when the bell rings 30 minutes later, you shove your notebook into your bag, eager to finally leave the class that you had with that stupid paintbrush. that is, until he stops you with a question. “what class do you have next?”

he’s relentless. “why do you care?”

“i want to walk you to your next class,” he says, and smirks before saying his next words. “it doesn’t really matter if you tell me or not. i’ll just follow you anyways.”

you sigh, absolutely exasperated with him. he’s like a fly who keeps invading your personal space—always coming back no matter how many times you swat it away. he’s right, though. damn him for being stubborn. “i actually have this period free.”

“oh, sweet!” he chirps, walking with you out the door, making sure to greet geto before he leaves the classroom. “let’s go to the courtyard. i’ll buy you a drink from the vending machine-“

“i was gonna do that regardless if you were here or not.” you give him a look, and you can’t help but tug on your sleeves when you see people whisper to each other as you walk the halls with gojo. of course you’ve heard the rumors. the man next to you is the most popular guy on campus. girls glare daggers at you and the guys call his name, although he barely even acknowledges them.

some common things that you’ve heard about gojo around the school are: “i heard he only talks to girls for sex,” “apparently his best friend geto is just as much of a player!” “i mean, who wouldn’t fuck a guy like gojo, though? he’s hot and loaded.” “that’s how he reels you in, though. he gets his hand in your pants and never calls you back again.” you know you should stay away from him, it’s common sense, but it’s hard to stay away from him when he’s the one who glues himself to your side.

“well, now you’ll get a free drink and we’ll get to know each other! isn’t that great?” he smiles and you just grimace at his words.

“i don’t need your money…”

“don’t care! can’t hear you!” he says, and you’ve seriously considered just making a run for it. at least you’ll lose him, and you’d finally be able to find peace for a bit. although, it would cause a scene, and gojo would probably end up finding you again somehow.

“what can i do to get you to leave me alone?”

that piques his interest, even though he looks slightly hurt by your question. he thinks for a bit, and smirks. “i really do want to buy you something from the vending machine.. and i want you to spend your free period with me. i’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day if you do.”

“do you promise? like, actually?”

“mhm! pinky promise!” you feel like you’re talking to a prepubescent boy.

“then sure-“ you’re about to agree, but he cuts you off with one more condition.

“i also want your number.”

you feel like you’ve been cursed by a god, because having the most popular guy on campus be interested in you has got to be the most chaotic thing to ever happen in your life.

“what do you have me saved as?”

the question comes from out of the blue, and you look up from the book you were completely absorbed in. you and satoru were at the school library, on a “study date” as he calls it, although it was more so just gojo inviting himself to wherever place you go, as per usual. this time, you have an exam to study for, and you explicitly told him not to bother you unless absolutely necessary.

you do have to say, though, he’s not annoying as you thought he was. he just nagged you way more the first day he sat next to you in physics so he could get your number. it’s been a few days since then, but still, you’d definitely be more efficient in your studies if you didn’t have him attached to your hip all the time.

“satoru, i told you not to bother me-“

“unless absolutely necessary. yeah, i heard you, and this question needs an absolutely necessary answer! contact names really say a lot about our relationship, y’know.”

“relationship? nobody ever said we were even friends-“

“don’t break my heart like that, babe. plus, you don’t call me gojo anymore! it’s satoru to you now,” his heart warms at that realization, and you scoff, especially at the pet name. “we are friends, unless you’d like to be something more...”

“if you say anything else i’m calling you by your government name. gojo satoru.” he looks especially wounded by that.

“ah! don’t do that, please. it feels like we’re a married couple and you’re really mad at me.” he cries and you can’t help but giggle at his words. you decide to entertain him a little bit, fishing through your pocket to find your phone.

he almost passes out at what he sees on your screen.

“it’s just my number? you didn’t even save my contact?!-“

the shushes from your fellow students and the librarians aren’t even enough to calm gojo’s agony and despair. it also does nothing to stop your laughter, either.

from that day on, gojo’s contact was forcefully changed from his number to “satoru” (he initially added a heart, but you deleted it, much to his disappointment) and one of his many selfies from his stupid instagram account. how the hell can a college student even have thousands of followers?! you think.

gojo just says that nobody can resist his shirtless post-workout selfies. you’re surprised that you didn’t slap him at his words.

you push him away.

everytime gojo buys your favorite drink, (it’s always on him, despite your genuine insistence in saying that you could pay for your drink just fine.) everytime he walks you to all of your classes each day, (he memorized your schedule just so he could do this) everytime he buys you your favorite foods on the rare instances that you let him take you out for lunch, (usually, this requires a lot of begging, and you mostly relent during class when you’re just exasperated and wanted to get some notes down.), and everytime he calls you by those stupid pet names of his, you think back to what the entire student body says about him, and you think back to your phone call with shoko, where she warns you to not associate with him so you don’t get hurt by anyone ever again, and you push him away.

you push him away even when you realize that if he just wanted you for sex, he would’ve stopped chasing after you when you didn’t text him after that night at the party.

and that thought alone scares you.

still, you’re not heartless. satoru’s been asking to take you out for a while, and you finally agreed to go today. he’s especially chipper about your agreement right now, walking with a slight pep in his step as he bit around his ice cream cone.

the park boasts some beautiful scenery today, and little children are out and about. still, you underestimated the weather, and the cold uncomfortably nipped your arms as you internally cursed yourself out for wearing just a shirt. you crossed your arms as a subtle way to shield yourself from the cold.

“don’t play coy with me, y/n. are you cold?” satoru says with a cocky grin, and you huff at his question. surprisingly, he drops the teasing act and unzips his sweater, handing it to you. “here, take it.”

“satoru-“

“i’m not doing this to flirt or whatever you’re thinking right now. you’re shivering, and i’m just concerned for you, so please wear it.” he deadpans, and it’s the first time you’ve seen him be so… upfront? you kind of like it. it’s not him teasing you or him being flirty. it’s just him showing that he genuinely cares for you as a friend. you take the sweater with a nod and put it on, ignoring how your heart is thumping as you take in his signature smell. cedarwood with a little bit of musk. it’s not an overpowering scent, but it still envelopes your senses.

“nevermind. you look so cute with my hoodie on. i feel like we’re in a j-drama right now, y/n!”

you take back everything you just said.

a few minutes later, you two are near the kids playground when you decide to take a break from walking, sitting on a nearby bench with gojo. the chirping of the birds and the wind passing through the trees is quickly overpowered by loud crying. crying from the child right in front of you, in fact.

you’re about to ask him what’s wrong, but satoru beats you to it. he kneels in front of the kid, and coos, “hey, buddy. what’s your name, hm?”

he stops crying for a moment to look at gojo and shakily responds, “gumi-um, megumi fushiguro..”

“megumi, huh.” he clicks his tongue for a moment. “why are you crying, megumi?”

“i-i don’t know where my dad is!” he cries, and satoru looks to you for help. you just shrug, unsure of what to do with the lost kid, until gojo’s face lights up, assumingly with a great idea.

“he’s most likely just around here somewhere. you can wait with us, and we’ll help you find him! say, do you want an ice cream to help you feel better, megumi?” the boy hesitantly nods, and satoru gives him a thumbs up as he takes him to the nearby ice cream stand. you’re watching this entire scene unfold, absolutely enamored with gojo for the first time. you didn’t think he had a natural talent with kids—but the way he’s making megumi laugh while he happily snacks on his ice cream says otherwise. an outsider could look at you three and assume that you’re just a happy family.

you try to ignore how that makes you feel.

and as you wave goodbye to megumi once he eventually is reunited with his father again, (an intimidating man who gave you two an appreciative nod as he walked away with his son.) you realize something as you tug on the sleeves of your-satoru’s sweater.

you’re in love with gojo satoru.

and fuck, that revelation scares you more than anything. the last time you had given your heart to a man, he had crushed it repeatedly until you decided that you would never let yourself be vulnerable like that ever again.

and now, you're in love with your school’s notorious playboy—and it feels like you’re setting yourself up to be heartbroken again. you want disregard those rumors and shoko’s words so badly, but they still eat at the back of your mind even though the real gojo satoru is right in front of you, and he doesn’t match the characteristics of the gojo satoru in those rumors at all.

you also remember that he has one real best friend, geto suguru. you like to think that this is also what geto sees in gojo. the reason why he’s stuck around.

the reason why you want to stick around too.

you’re so busy in your head that you’ve just noticed gojo frantically waving his hand in your face. “earth to y/n? oh, good! i thought you had, like, a shock reaction from seeing megumi’s father. he looked a little scary, no?”

“he looks like if a muscle came to life and started talking.” you whisper, and he laughs in agreement. burying your hands into the pockets of his hoodie, you smile. you don’t want to think about your current revelation with gojo right now. instead, you’ll stick with the present. and right now, you like the present.

you just don’t want to think about what this means for your future.

it’s the weekend, and you’re doing some work at the local cafe, gojo-free for once. only god knows what the man is doing at three pm in the afternoon on a saturday. not like you should be thinking about him right now, though. his presence alone has caused you to be behind on your studies, and you need to make sure you catch up.

you have to admit, you were a little unused to the silence. usually, the silence would be filled with gojo’s endless banter with you, as well as his terrible, corny jokes that are so stupid you can’t help but laugh. his seemingly never-ending presence was annoying at first, but now, you’re starting to yearn for his company.

it further fuels the pit of uncertainty in your stomach, and you hate it.

shaking your head with a sigh, you take another bite of your pastry and continue typing up the report on your laptop. the looming thought of this report’s impact on your grade and the need to pass this class helps you forget about satoru for a while. once again, you get lost in your academics.

the ring of the cafe bell breaks you from your trance. it was a natural impulse of yours to glance at everyone who entered the cafe, but once you did this time, you felt your heart drop down to your knees.

it was your ex.

your ex boyfriend who destroyed the notion of love for you, because he made you feel it for a short time, only to throw it all into a pit of fire and leave you scrambling to find nothing but ashes.

if you had to find the true roots as to why you’re so afraid to pursue a new relationship–you always find your ex in the center of it. and now, he’s right in front of you. you have to face him again when you refuse to shamefully admit that you’ve barely even healed from the emotional scars that he’d left behind.

you feel as if an invisible hand has wrapped itself around your throat, blocking your airways and your ability to speak.

out of all the days satoru wasn’t here with you, it had to be this one.

“y/n? is that you, sweetheart?” you wanted to vomit at the way he said your name. he had no right to say it so sweetly, when all he’s ever left behind is venom.

“i don’t want to talk to you.” you cringe at the way your voice cracks, and you avert your gaze from him.

“please, just hear me out for a minute, baby..” he coos, and you hate the way he talks to you as if you were a child. “i know i fucked up, and i can’t change our past… but i can change our future together. if you take me back, i’ll show you how much i’ve changed-”

you don’t know how many times you’ve heard that stupid line before.

“god, you sound like a broken record with how many times you’ve pulled that bullshit on me.” you spat, loud enough to draw commotion in the cafe. your ex has surprise written all over his face–most likely due to your non-compliance to his words. “what, do you say that shit to all your hoes?”

your ex looks around, shrinking a little when he sees all eyes are on him. “now, now, y/n, no need to be like that-”

“be like that… be like that?! you’re telling me to be civil when you’re the one coming in here wanting me back, spouting some bullshit saying that you’ve changed, when i told you to leave me alone already!” you scream, and you could feel the tears bubble up in your eyes. you look down, so you aren’t able to see how everyone’s staring at you with pity. god, you hate pity. it makes you feel weak and vulnerable. the two emotions you absolutely loathe. “i just want you to leave me alone, god. i hate you, why won’t you just-”

“you fucking bitch-” he makes a move to lunge at you, and you instinctively take a step back, pure fear enveloping your senses.

you never feel the impact, though, as you see your ex being restrained by the cafe worker.

you remember him. the man who took your order earlier. he was an older man with a warm smile on his face, although you noticed how his cheekbones were slightly sunken, and he looked a little overworked. you jokingly quipped earlier that he should get some sleep before thanking him for making your order. he just replied, i get that quite a lot.

the size difference between your ex and the man is enough to discourage him from fighting back. he makes quick work your ex, dragging him out the door while he hysterically screams profanities to you on the way out. you assumed the worker threatened to call the police, because your ex scrambled up from the ground and ran away. you hoped this was the last time you would ever see him again.

“are you okay, ma’am? he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

you didn’t even realize that the worker was back inside the cafe. everyone was gradually returning to their own businesses, with the eerie silence being replaced by casual chatter once more. you also didn’t realize how much your hands were shaking, and you huff out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “y-yeah, i’m alright, and he didn’t hit me. i just… need a minute,”

you decide that you aren’t gonna get anymore work done like this, so you pack your laptop into your bag and slump onto the seat with a sigh. you bury your face into your hands. “is it a long story?”

“oh, don’t even get me started.”

he laughs at that, and you ease up a little. “i told him i’d call the police if i ever see him around here again.”

“that’s good to hear. though i’d prefer if i never see him in my life ever again.”

he hums at your words, and he turns to look out the window. “it’s getting dark out. do you want me to call you a cab?”

“no need, i’ll call my boyf–my friend. i’ll call my friend. he’ll uh, pick me up.” you’re still so shaken up you barely even register what you said to him. your eyes are frantic as you turn your phone on and look for gojo’s name in your contacts. you don’t know why you want him to pick you up out of everybody. you could ask utahime or shoko right now, but you just wanted nothing more but to see gojo.

the bell rings again, and you flinch at the sound. thankfully, it was just another customer. the worker sighs. “well, these orders aren’t going to be done themselves. just wave me over if there are any other problems, okay?”

you nod absentmindedly, and he turns to leave, but you stop him. “wait, sir, what’s your name?”

“kento nanami.”

“thank you so much, nanami. i appreciate it.”

“i’m just doing my job.”

“your job is restraining crazy exes of college girls and kicking them out?”

“‘it comes with the job description.” he teases, and you laugh lightheartedly. “and your name is?”

“y/n l/n.”

“anytime, miss l/n. again, just please… call me over if anything happens.”

“will do…” you say, pressing the “call” button on gojo’s contact. the anxiety is hitting you again, and you take a shaky inhale. you’re surprised at how he picks up almost instantly. “hey… satoru? yeah, can you come pick me up, please? i know i don’t normally ask you to do something like this but-”

“did something happen?”

“a lot happened, actually… i’ll text you the address. please, just come soon.”

“of course, y/n.” you could already hear him running out the door, hearing the roar of his car engine coming to life. “i’ll be there as soon as possible.”

he gets to the cafe in five.

you wave goodbye to nanami, thanking him once more as you get in the passenger seat of gojo’s car.

it’s not your first time inside here, but you still can’t help but admire how… expensive everything looks. or maybe you’re just looking around because you’re stalling, and you have no idea where to begin with satoru.

however, you notice that he’s not asking you what happened, and he’s not forcing you to explain anything to him. instead, he switches the gear shift out of parking and says, “do you want me to take you home?”

your eyes widen at his words, and you shake your head no profusely. the last thing you want to be is home alone right now, mainly because your ex knows where you live. you know he most likely won’t go that far with you, especially since nanami knocked some sense into him… but the possibilities still scare you. you take a deep breath before saying your next words.

“...can you take me to your house? i-i’m sorry for asking, i just don’t want to be alone right now cause i’m terrified and-”

“y-yeah. i’ll take you to my house.” he says, and you’ve never seen him so nervous in your life. it almost makes you laugh.

“i’ll explain everything later. i just… wanna be somewhere safe first.” somewhere safe. you find his house as a safe place. gojo doesn’t know how to react. his heart is thumping wildly out of his chest, but he makes sure to put your own comfort before his feelings.

“you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” he says, maintaining his cool by keeping his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel and the other on the gear shift.

“but i want to, satoru…” you say. you can’t believe you’re doing this again. you’re crossing so many territories that you were so afraid to cross because of your ex. now, you think you aren’t that afraid anymore. not if you have satoru by your side.

you place one of your cold hands on the gear stick, interlocking it with his. is he… shaking? “thank you for this.”

still. there are so many things you can’t say to him yet. you don’t know when you’ll be able to… or if you’ll ever be able to.

i love you. i love you but i’m too afraid to say it. i just hope that you’ll be able to wait for me.

“god, you’re killin’ me here, y/n.”

that pit of uncertainty in your stomach has grown so large you feel it's about to consume you whole. you don’t think you mind much, though.

the two of you are lounging at his couch after satoru insisted on telling you to make yourself at home. there’s a movie playing, with neither of you paying attention at all, takeout on the coffee table, two glasses and a bottle of wine after gojo didn’t know what drinks to serve, and freaked out by pulling the first expensive drink out from his parents’ alcohol closet. has he never properly invited someone to his home before?

“so in short, you had a crazy ex who saw you at the coffee shop… and he was begging for you to take him back, and when you went off on him he called you a bitch and tried to hit you…” he recalls, a huge grimace on his face. “tch. the cafe worker shouldn’t have let him go like that.”

“i’m sure he learned not to mess with me after getting humiliated in public.. and nanami did more than enough for me.” you retorted, and he gave you a sour look.

“oh, so you know the worker’s name now?” he says, and you could feel the tension build up in the air. oh. so he wants to do this with you? “what, is he your knight in shining armor?”

“he looks like he’s in his late thirties, satoru. i’m not into older guys,” you roll your eyes at his absurd questions and add, “what’s it to you anyway?”

“what’s it to me, y/n?” he repeats your words, and you could feel an argument coming, like you already didn’t have an exhaustive one with your ex. “you know how i feel about you-“

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” your voice is getting louder, all to hide your fear behind the implication of his words. you distance yourself from him on the couch.. much like how you distance yourself from letting satoru get too close to how you truly feel. “we’re not even together, satoru. you don’t get to control the guys that i talk to- hell, have you even seen yourself?”

you’re rambling, and all you want to do is shut up, but you can’t bring yourself to. “i’ve heard what our school says about you. y-you’re a playboy, right? and you only ever talk to girls because you wanna fuck them. i’m not stupid, satoru. i’m not different from any of them, right? you only chase after me because i’m playing hard to get and that pisses you off-“

“what… what are you even saying, y/n?” he asks, and it stops your rambling for a moment. you don’t know what you’re saying. you’re pouring out all the reasons why you’ve tried to push him away, the reasons why you were so afraid to give your heart to him. but now that you say them out loud, they sound outright stupid.

“i started coming to class just to talk to you, i memorized your schedule just so i can walk you to class every morning. i buy you all your favorite food and drinks… i had to memorize your favorites too, by the way. and i have shit memory.” he’s screaming at this point, and you’ve never had satoru scream at you. there are unshed tears in his eyes, and it’s all overwhelming to watch this unfold. “and when you called me, i drove as fast as i could to you because you never call like that and i was fuckin’ worried!”

“so let me ask you a question, y/n… would i do all these things for you just because i want you in my bed?! i’d do anything for you, and you know that!” he’s crying. the gojo satoru is crying, and it’s all for a girl. if you told this to someone in your school, they’d call you a shit-faced liar. gojo satoru doesn’t cry for a girl. he makes them cry.

“i’m sorry for being skeptical, satoru! i just can’t help it when there’s so many rumors about you wanting to fuck girls just for the shit of it – and i’m conflicted on whether or not i should believe them because i want you so bad and i’m scared you’ll end up just breaking my heart and i don’t want that to happen again-”

he cuts you off. “you… what?”

you’re confused at why he looks so surprised, but then you backtrack on your words and you gasp. fuck. why did i say that? you cover your mouth and look away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

those stupid blue eyes that you know you can’t get enough of.

“y/n… can you please say that again? i don’t want to do anything if i didn’t hear you right.” his voice is soft now, and you swear that you’re dreaming. this isn’t real. right? i’m gonna wake up soon. you dig your nails into the palms of your hands, leaving half-moon marks in their wake. it doesn’t work, and you don’t wake up, and you know you have to accept the fact that this is very real and it’s happening.

this is the worst leap of faith you think you’ve ever had to take in your life.

“i want you so fucking bad, satoru. and i’m realizing that you’re not just the stereotypical rich playboy that everyone talks about on campus—you’re a really great guy, and i guess i’m just scared to face that-” you don’t even realize that satoru’s got you cornered on the couch, and you can’t finish your words as he slots his lips against yours. hard. it’s the most passionate kiss you think you’ve ever had in your life, and it’s got your breath taken away in seconds. holy shit.

you quietly moan against his lips as you kiss back, cupping his face with your hands and wiping his tears away. you wish this moment would last forever, but you pull away so you can breathe. you meet gojo’s eyes, and they’re clouded with lust and desire, but you could tell he’s still a little uncertain. “we’ll talk later… just take me to the bedroom already,”

gojo doesn’t need another confirmation from you, and he lifts you up to carry you to his bedroom, practically tripping on his feet the way there.

a few hours later and a noise complaint from the neighbors, it’s safe to say that gojo satoru was the best one you’ve ever had.

“god, i’m never letting you go, baby.”

he’s tracing hearts onto your bare back. it’s littered with bruises and red scratch marks just from a few minutes ago, but you’ve never felt better in your life. you stare at the man who invited himself into your life just from an encounter at a party, and you thank your lucky stars that you agreed to go with utahime that night. “is something wrong? you’re starin’ again.”

“i’m sorry it took me so long to trust you. i’ve just been scared to open up my heart again, especially after him.” you don’t have to name “him” for satoru to understand.

“i’m sorry too. i just got angry about the rumors and i also disregarded the fact that you’re scared to love again after your ex did all of that shit and-” he pauses, and sighs. “sorry. i’m rambling again.”

he pulls you into another kiss, and this time, it’s sweeter, lighter, and full of love. “i’m going to show you what it looks like to really be loved, because it’s definitely not the shitty picture that your ex painted in your head. there’s way more to it than that.”

“i love you, y/n.”

“thank you, toru.” you whisper. maybe, one day, you’ll be able to find the courage to say it back. and it’s okay, because gojo is willing to wait an eternity for you.

he’ll wait an eternity for you to teach you how to love again.

“look at how beautiful you are…” gojo says, appearing out of nowhere as he wraps an arm around your waist. you yelp, staring at your boyfriend through the mirror. he’s wearing a classic black tuxedo, with no doubt it being very expensive. it compliments the glimmering rolex on his wrist, and the thoughts running through your head about him and his outfit sets fire to your stomach.

“look at yourself first, toru… god, we should just stay home,” you tease, turning around to pull him into a deep kiss. it’s a friday, and gojo’s taking you out to attend geto’s party tonight. the two of you are going for several reasons. he wants to introduce you to his bestfriend, since you realized that you’ve never actually formally met geto before. it’ll also be your first formal “couple appearance”, as if gojo being attached to your side all the time doesn’t say enough about the two of you already.

gojo pulls away, which surprises you. you pout at the expression on his face. “as much as i want to, suguru’s been bugging about you all week. i really do think it’s time for you to meet him,”

“hmph. alright.”

“i’m tearing that dress off of you the second we get home, though.”

“satoru!”

“what?! not my fault my girl looks so damn hot all the time!”

this night is going amazing.

when satoru walks with you through the front doors, arm wrapped around your waist and the dress you picked out for tonight glimmering, you feel a little shy. the guys all whistle at the two of you, and the girls whisper amongst each other, but you and gojo don’t care. in his eyes, you’re the only girl he sees. the only girl worth being with here.

“wanna go get drinks?” he asks you, cerulean eyes showing underneath his sunglasses. you nod, walking to the kitchen with him. you’re getting severe deja vu… you can’t believe you met gojo at the last party you were at. and now you’re at another party, with gojo as your date. you scan the crowd for utahime or shoko, wondering what you would say to them if they saw you with the man they specifically told you not to mess with.

it’s alright, though. shoko was wrong about those rumors, and gojo’s proving it to you.

“satoru!” the playful voice greets your boyfriend, and you turn to see geto suguru. you’ve seen him around campus, and he sits somewhere in the back of your chem class. you haven’t really had the opportunity to talk to him, though… and he looks a little intimidating.

“you must be y/n,” he says, offering you a freshly opened smirnoff from the drinks on the countertop. you thank him and grab the drink, taking a swig.

“yup! my lovely girlfriend,” gojo lets go of his arm around your waist to grab a drink.

“you probably don’t know this, but i’ve been his wingman.” he smiles at gojo, who’s pouting, like he’s preparing himself for what suguru is about to say. “he’s batshit crazy for you, its insane.”

“oh? do tell.”

“when the two of you got together, he left me a voicemail at like… four in the morning? anyway, he was screaming about how he was the happiest guy in the world… or something.”

“that’s because i was!” you’re laughing at how unashamed satoru is about this.

“yeah, yeah, whatever.” geto clicks his tongue, pulling out his phone. “and he’s reposted you on insta to like, every drake song-”

“alright, me and y/n are gonna go dance.” he interrupts suguru, and drags you away from his best friend with a yelp. “nice talkin’ to you, suguru!”

“hey, i wanted to know more!-”

“shh, you don’t need to know about all of that.” the two of you are in the living room, in the midst of all the bodies dancing and grinding against each other. he pulls you close to him, and you feel his hot breath against your neck. “you look so beautiful tonight, y/n.”

“same for you, handsome. let’s dance, shall we?” you wrap your arms around him and just sway to the beat. you’ve never been much of a dancer, but everything feels natural as long as gojo’s with you.

suddenly, the music changes, and one dance starts playing. you two look at each other, and you both burst out laughing at the same time. “have you reposted me to this song?”

“duh. it’s a classic.”

“can’t disagree with that.” you say, finding yourself grinding against satoru while wizkid’s part plays in the background. it feels like such a perfect night–you’re pulling satoru into a deep kiss, and he shoves his tongue down your throat while he’s leading you to a nearby couch. you’re seated on his lap, mimicking practically every couple in this party tonight.

suddenly, you pull away, and you whisper, “i need to use the bathroom.”

satoru smirks at your words, thinking that it’s a hint for something else, and you give him a sour face. “want me to join you-”

you hit his chest playfully. “that’s not code for anything, you perv. i actually need to piss.”

he’s pouting at your words, but he lets you off his lap anyway, and holds your drink for the time being. “it’s at the second door in the hall to your right. be quick, please.”

“no duh. i’ve got a cute date to come back to,” you say, walking away and traversing all of the bodies that smell like sweat and alcohol. you’re a little unused to this environment, but it’s alright. you fix up your makeup in the bathroom and freshen up a little, walking back to the living room to find satoru again.

you wish you never did.

you were gone for four minutes. five minutes max. you come back to satoru, and your breath hitches at the sight.

on his lap was a random chick that looked like every other girl at this party. she was practically naked, since her outfit didn’t do much to cover her skin at all.

fuck.

you remember the first time you saw gojo at the last party you went to. the sight wasn’t that different compared to the one now. there were girls all over him, all fighting for his attention. and yet, it seemed that night, his attention was focused solely on you.

what bullshit that was.

your eyes are blurry, and the music is muffled in your ears. white noise fills your senses, and all you want to do right now is run.

so you do.

you run, not caring if gojo saw you at all or not. you run out of the party, eternally grateful that you didn’t pick out heels for tonight and settled for much simpler shoes. you run, despite the fact that you drew geto’s attention. you were already out the door before he could ask what was wrong. you run, just wanting to get away from everyone and everything. you run with no particular destination in mind. you stop running when you almost get run over on a red light, the car honking at you–screaming profanities as it drives by. it breaks you from your trance, and you sit on the curb of the sidewalk, letting all of your tears out on what was supposed to be a perfect night.

of course gojo didn’t think that you were different. you were just like every other girl to him.

stupid. stupid. stupid. you’ve never felt so stupid in your life.

when geto sees you running out the door with unshed tears in your eyes, he immediately panics. what the hell happened?

he goes through every room of the house, trying to find gojo, when he hears a bunch of commotion in the living room. he runs there, pushing past everyone, only to find a total disaster inside.

he sees gojo screaming at a girl dressed like a stripper, who was on the ground with tears in her eyes. satoru looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel with how pissed he looks. there’s a crowd forming at this point, and geto knows he needs to intervene, so he drags his bestfriend away, who looks so distraught that geto could just wonder what the fuck happened.

they’re outside now, and its significantly a lot more quiet out here compared to all of the chaos inside. all the noise is coming from gojo—who won’t stop crying, and geto has no idea what to do or where to even begin. “fuck!”

“dude, what the fuck happened!?” satoru looks like he’s feeling every emotion at once. he looks pissed, pissed enough to punch a wall, and geto’s a little afraid that gojo might actually do that–or worst-case scenario, punch him. he’s crying, and geto hasn’t seen gojo cry ever since he fell off a swing in pre-k, so what happened must be really fucking serious.

“i don’t KNOW what happened, goddamnit! y/n went to use the bathroom and some slu- some girl came up to me and threw herself on my fucking lap! i was gonna tell her to fuck off but y/n saw before i was able to and now she’s gone and she probably thinks that i’m just some cheater when i’ve worked so hard to get her to trust me and-FUCK!”

he stops, trying to calm down a little, and gojo takes the shakiest breath he thinks he’s ever taken in his life. the red in his vision starts to fade, but he still feels helpless. “i just don’t know what to fucking do, suguru.”

“i just saw y/n run out of my house a few minutes ago.” he says with a grimace, and he’s trying to figure out what to tell his bestfriend. “i’ve never seen you like this over a girl before. holy shit, you really love her, do you?”

geto thinks that gojo’s bloodshot eyes, the brutal names that he called that girl at the party, and the tears he’s shed for you are already an answer.

“this is your last chance to prove it to her, satoru.” geto fumbles through his pockets and hands him the keys to his challenger. gojo snatches them, hearing the car engine rumbling itself to life. the white-haired man thanks his best friend as he steps into the drivers’ side, with geto reassuring him, ‘ill deal with the chaos inside, you go ahead and explain yourself to your girlfriend’.

gojo swears that he’s never driven so fast in his whole life.

part 2 :)

#kami writes #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru fluff #gojo satoru comfort #gojo x reader angst #gojo angst #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x y/n

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munsonsfairy · 3 months ago

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only have eyes for you 💍

author's note: request by @urantisocialgay <3. i accidentally deleted your ask when i finished the fic. thank goodness that it was saved somewhere else too!! anyways, thank you for your request!! i love weddings and proposals!! you can never annoy me with writing this au. 🥹🥹

content: so so much love.

word count: 1.5k

song: i only have eyes for you by the flamingos

wedding au. | fic inspiration. | proofread by: @katemartinis <3

The ring was perfect. It was a vintage style emerald cut signature solitaire with double claw and details on a 14k yellow gold band. All Paige could do was imagine your ring finger wearing it. She knew it was the one when she saw you admire it at the jewelry store.

Paige needed to take her chains and earrings to get cleaned. Your favorite thing to do was imagine what your engagement or wedding ring would look like. You always thought engagements, weddings, and all the planning involved were magical. Plus, wedding cake is always so yum.

One thing you made sure to always tell Paige is that you don't want to suspect you were getting engaged. You wanted to be completely surprised. Planning the proposal was not a breeze for her. Paige knew you better than anyone. She knew your favorite sunset was in San Diego. She remembers how you danced around in the sand and water that night.

To keep you oblivious, Paige surprised you with weekend getaway trip with your closest friends. Your friends were told to let you have all the fun you wanted. The day of the proposal was the last night of your trip, so all of you get ready for a nice dinner by the water. Well, at least that is what was supposed to be happening.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

Azzi called Paige panicking because you noticed your girlfriend's location was off which never happened before, and as an overthinker everything you could think of ran through your mind. You would call Paige, and her phone would go straight to voicemail. The thought of going out was the last thing you wanted to do.

"She's not budging! You need to call her if you want to be engaged by tonight." Azzi whispered loudly over the phone.

Paige sighs, "Okay, okay let me call her. Hopefully she can't figure out that I'm lying to her." She knew you were smart enough to piece everything together.

After so much convincing from Kayla, you were finally getting ready when she Facetimed. “Heard someone missed me,” she smiled teasing you.

You sigh starting to feel silly for worrying, “Mhmm. Did you forget to charge your phone again?”

While you were putting the finishing touches of your makeup, Paige was admiring you. She couldn’t stop staring and thinking about spending forever with you. A part of her couldn’t believe an angel like you could love her.

You look from your mirror back to your phone when you didn’t hear an answer from her. “You’re staring.”

“You’re so gorgeous.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“Look who’s talking. Such a pretty girl with her bun and braids.”

Now it was your turn to make Paige shy making her cover her red face. "Yooo, I'm talking about you right now." She says with her face in her hands.

“Ughhhh, get a room!” You heard KK and Ice yelling from the phone.

Paige rolls her eyes and hears Kayla ask you if you’re ready. “Call me before bed, princess?”

The way she’s looking at you right now makes you want to melt. Your favorite feature of Paige was always her eyes.

“Now look who’s staring,” she laughed.

“Shh, I’ll call you before bed. Keep your phone charged!”

She laughed again, “Alright, alright. I love you, *kiss kiss*. Bye.”

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

You and your friends were all going to wear white to dinner. They thought it was a good idea to match to keep you from questioning anything. Before you left the room, you stood in front of the mirror to make sure everything was okay. For some reason you had a feeling you couldn’t describe. All day felt magical and dreamy.

The ride to the “restaurant” was filled with whispering and giggles. Kayla was documenting the whole trip with her camera, so it was no surprise to you when she leaned forward to the passenger seat and took a video with you.

Paige’s proposing went through your head just for a second. You don’t know why but your intuition is never wrong. All the pieces started coming together; the random planned trip, dress, & her being MIA all day? You started to feel a mix of excitement, happiness, & sadness. You always dreamed of this moment, but this meant a chapter of your life is closing. The last time you’ll be a girlfriend. The last time it’s just you. You closed your eyes and quietly said goodbye to this chapter of your life and to the little girl in you.

You took a deep breath and processed how surreal this is. The possibility of becoming a fiancé gives you goosebumps and butterflies. The girl you love with your whole heart could be waiting for you with a ring reading to give you, her heart.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

"Kayla just texted me letting us know they are about five minutes away." KK came running out of the house full of excitement as she should be since her and Nika introduced her to you, but that is a story for another time.

"Okay," Paige deeply sighed trying to release any worry and anxiety. She knows you love her and vice versa.

"She loves you, Paige. Everyone knows and sees it," Nika reassured and hugged her twin.

Tears welled up in Paige's eyes as she was hugging Nika. She laid her head on Nika’s shoulder squeezing her tight.

“Nah, you aren’t going to cry yet!” Paige laughed and finally felt all her nerves leave.

KK heard car doors slamming coming from the front of the house, "Okay, they're hear. Are you ready?" She asked Paige.

Paige nodded letting the two girls run back to the house to watch from inside. She took a deep breath and prayed a small prayer to release any doubt she felt.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

Instead of arriving to a restaurant as you thought, you were standing in front of a beautiful baby blue house. The front of the house was decorated with tickseeds, cosmos, and sunflowers. There was a white porch swing with pillows covered in seashells.

Your friends started walking through a garden gate that was to the right of the house. You gasped at the beautiful garden in front of you. For a moment, you thought you were in a fairytale storybook.

The further you walked you started seeing the beach. When you finally reached the middle of the garden, you saw Paige standing there surrounded by white roses. She was wearing a lace short sleeve shirt and shorts with blue adonis flowers. Her hair was in a bun with her two signature braids.

Kayla took all of your things and let you walk to your girlfriend while everyone else went inside. You felt like you were floating those 30 seconds you ran towards Paige. All the moments you thought this only happens in movies vanished. You pinched your finger to make sure you weren't dreaming. Nope this is real and ouch.

All the nerves and doubt were gone when Paige saw you standing in the garden. You looked like an angel in white surrounded with flowers. She swears she saw you glowing. Both of you were giggling and crying so much Paige almost forgot to ask you.

You ran into Paige’s arms, and she lifted you spinning you in a circle. The both of you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. The love you had for each other radiated off you.

Paige put you down and grabbed both of your hands. She brought them to her lips and kissed both of your knuckles.

She squeezed your hands three times silently saying I love you. “They say when you know, you know, and I’m so glad I know. I can’t possibly describe how much I love you in a short time. You’re the light of my world and the stars of my universe. Every day I am so blessed to be loved someone as precious as you. I can’t imagine my life without you and your love. You’ve shown me how beautiful love is. I admire you and how strong and intelligent you are. I love the love we share and want to do it forever.”

Tears were rolling down your face as you looked into each other’s eyes. You and her laugh at how much of mess you both are. “Thank you for always showing me a love that is so magical. I never want to find it anywhere else. You show me a genuine adoration that I will forever cherish.”

Everything felt like a fairytale. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were to be hearing such beautiful words coming from someone who loves you. You felt so many emotions all at once. Your heart was full of love and happiness.

“I love you so much and I promise to always for all of my days.” Paige took a breath before getting on one knee. Although you knew she was going to propose, it still felt surreal seeing it happen in front of you. You aren’t dreaming.

You cover your mouth from shock when you saw the ring. THE ring!! The one you tried on weeks ago. You vividly remember how right everything felt when you wore it for those few seconds. The same feeling you feel right now with Paige.

“I want to share every moment with you. The good and the bad. I want to laugh and cry with you. You’re my sweetheart, best friend, and soulmate. You’re my person. Will you marry me?”

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers fluff #paige bueckers imagine #paige bueckers x fem!reader #paige bueckers x y/n #uconn wbb #uconn huskies

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kaleidohscopic · 9 days ago

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TRY AGAIN — JJH

PAIRING: jaehyun x female reader SUMMARY: if you could have it your way, you'd never have to see, hear, or even think about jeong jaehyun ever again. a fortuitous blind date, and that same dimpled smile after all those years, is somehow enough to make you reconsider. maybe he was always meant to be by your side. GENRE: exes to lovers! au, slight coworkers! au, romance, angst, slow burn, humour, some pining, a touch of smut WARNINGS: swearing, alcohol consumption, too many descriptions of coffee and wine, mentions of sex, general mature content and themes, reader is not good at talking about her feelings, joy x doyoung, i try to write about the complexity of relationships and personal growth (i fail miserably) WORD COUNT: 32.4k NOTE: oh. my god. it's finally here! there's certainly something different about writing for your ult. office scenes inspired by the internship i did at a big 4 firm that ended up rejecting everyone from my department (yes i'm still bitter). i actually wanted to get this out back in august to celebrate jolo but alas, Life. i guess this is a parting gift? (jaehyun i am nothing and nobody without you.) i poured a lot of heart into this fic and posting it feels like letting my child go out into the world alone... be safe my darling xx

You should’ve brought an umbrella.

The early evening sky was darkening faster than usual, ominous grey clouds hovering between the skyscrapers like an unspoken but imminent threat. Though the ground was still dry, you had a feeling it wouldn’t be for long. Your haste to leave your apartment this morning had robbed you of the good sense to check the weather forecast, mind too preoccupied with tonight’s agenda to spare a thought for the possible torrential downpour that summer seemed to be so fond of.

A glance down at your feet sent a twinge of annoyance through you. Of course you picked the black pumps to wear today. They were pretty, which was why you had slipped them on in the first place, wanting to make a good impression even if you told yourself you didn’t really care that much, but they were also expensive, and you did not want to get them wet. You said a silent prayer. Hopefully the impending rain would be kind to the leather.

“You better not be flaking,” Joy warned, voice crackling through your phone speaker. “I don’t really care what he thinks of you for not showing up, but it’ll reflect badly on me, and I can’t have that.”

You suppressed a smile. Ever the drama queen.

“I am literally walking out of the station right now. The Italian place, right?” you asked, pausing for a moment at the top of the stairs to gather your surroundings. The restaurant she had picked out wasn’t exactly an unknown location to you, but it had been a while since you last visited, and the buildings seemed to look back at you with a dazed unfamiliarity.

She gave an affirmative hum. “Two streets down from the exit. The reservation is under my name, but I think he might be there already.”

“Yippee. How exciting.”

There was a loud sigh from the other end of the line, and you could almost hear her rolling her eyes at you. “You do know I set this up with your best interests at heart, right?”

“Are you sure it’s not because you were bored and needed to use some poor soul for your own entertainment?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who put three packets of salt in Jungwoo’s coffee,” she fired back.

Okay, maybe that one was on you. But it had been pretty funny seeing him spit it out all over the office kitchen counter and then meticulously clean up the mess with paper towels, all the while eyeing everyone on your floor with suspicion.

“I’m just saying,” she continued, “give him a chance. I think you guys could really like each other.” There was a pause. “Plus, he’s super fucking hot. Like if I wasn’t happily taken I would be climbing him like a tree.”

“Gross. I’m filing a complaint with HR.”

“Reporting me to my own department? I’ll make sure that file never even makes it through the portal,” she cackled at your empty threat, and you joined in with her. “Seriously though, just give him a chance. At least stay until the mains come out.”

“Fine,” you acquiesced, though you made sure she heard the huff that accompanied it. “But if he starts talking about cryptocurrency I am leaving.”

Joy only laughed, assuring you he probably wouldn’t, and bid you goodbye with a parting command for you to enjoy yourself.

On days like these, you couldn’t decide whether you were grateful or unlucky to have been placed on a team with her for your first project at the company. Technically speaking, Joy was your senior by almost two years, but even at that first daily stand-up half a year ago, filled with nervous smiles and clumsy introductions, you had the feeling the two of you would gel. By the time that first project wrapped up, the two of you had long progressed past mere co-workers, having bonded over 8-hour days of Powerpoint formatting and your mutual dislike of olives. You had never been more thankful for someone so vivacious to show you the ropes, and help you settle into the new environment with such ease.

However, Joy was a meddler.

Her meddling was what had you currently navigating the crumbly asphalt in your nicest shoes to meet the apparent hunk she had set you up with. You didn’t know much about the guy since she refused to give you his name, afraid you’d search him up on social media and then make up some excuse to back out once you had seen his face — like you had done with the previous two that she’d picked out for you.

Apparently, this one was from the Digital department, and had been at the company for a little over a year. Those were two out of the three pieces of information that she had deigned to bestow upon you, the third being that he had dimples, which she thought you’d appreciate.

Oh, and now the fourth one being that he was ‘super fucking hot’.

Who knew? Maybe you would enjoy yourself. Getting back into the dating scene was pretty low on your priorities, with your career and trying to stick to a consistent gym routine taking up the majority of your time, but you were never opposed to a bit of fun.

Maybe Mr Super-Fucking-Hot could be a bit of fun.

Just take it easy, you thought to yourself, spotting the glass windows of the restaurant as you rounded the corner. Il Giardino, read the sign that hung above the door. Cute.

Hastily, you shifted your bag and cardigan to the other arm and smoothed out the creases in your black trousers. You had tried for something a little dressy, but also office-appropriate since you were coming straight from work, and not like you had tried too hard and spent an unnecessary number of hours thinking about what to wear on this stupid blind date. Another quick glance at your reflection in the window, just to make sure there was no food or lipstick in your teeth, and you pushed past the door.

Soft jazz filtered through your ears as you stepped inside. The restaurant was nicely decorated, a few vintage Italian posters hanging on the exposed brick walls, and an overall rustic feel that paired well with the warm, earthy ambience. Judging by the patrons already seated, this place was a popular date night location, with all but one table occupied by couples sharing soft touches and flirty smiles over half-filled glasses of red wine.

Joy certainly knew how to pick a spot.

You gave the smiling hostess Joy’s name for the reservation, managing a weak smile of your own when she informed you that the other half of your party had already arrived, and followed her through the tables further into the restaurant. Outside, the first few raindrops had begun to splatter against the asphalt, slowly darkening the road with wet patches that were sure to grow into puddles. It seemed you had arrived just in time to escape the rain.

The hostess stopped at a more private table towards the back, and gestured towards the empty seat with that same welcoming smile. Mystery man, aka Mr Super-Fucking-Hot, was sat with his back to you, leafing through what you assumed to be the drinks menu. His silhouette from behind was alright-looking, you supposed, if you really had to put a label to it, but there was something vaguely familiar about the shape of his head. Perhaps you had crossed paths in the office lobby before?

You approached the table, trying to sneak a peek of him out of the corner of your eye, just to see if he lived up to Joy’s oh-so-generous description, without being so painfully obvious—

And froze.

“Is everything alright?” the hostess asked, still beaming at you.

You barely heard her through the cotton wool that seemed to suddenly fill your ears, hands instantly clamming up as you took in the man in front of you. His warm eyes widened a fraction of a millimetre with recognition, quickly followed by something else you couldn’t place.

This was not happening.

“Is everything okay?” the hostess tried again. The corners of her mouth were beginning to slip, and she cast you a mildly concerned glance.

How strange you must have looked, standing stock-still beside your reserved table like a statue. The only things that could dispel the notion you had suddenly turned into stone were the light flush to your cheeks, and the deafening pounding of your own heart that you were sure the whole restaurant could hear.

“Everything’s fine, just give us a minute please,” Jaehyun finally said, flashing the hostess a kind smile. She took her cue to leave, but not without another curious look between the two of you, hurriedly brushing away the waiter who was approaching the table and preparing to rattle off the specials.

Hearing his voice seemed to break the spell that had rendered you so immobile. You straightened, shifting your bag higher up your shoulder, and turned to leave. Whatever this was, you were not entertaining it.

Chair legs screeched abruptly against the floor.

“Wait,” he pleaded.

Your eyes landed on his hand latched around your wrist first, before they moved to his face again. Slowly, his fingers loosened, but he kept you in his hold.

“Will you sit, please?” he asked softly.

You looked at him. Really looked at him, taking in his full, straight brows, the slope of his nose, the pinkness of his lips. His cheeks had slimmed since you had last seen him, allowing the sharpness of his jaw to really come through. Breathtakingly handsome as he always had been. A little older, a little more masculine, and yet somehow still the same.

And maybe because you still saw him, the boy that you loved, the first and likely only boy you had ever truly loved, you did sit, sliding into your chair like it was made of ice.

“It’s been a while,” he began, lowering back into his seat. You gave no indication that you had heard him at all, eyes focused on the flickering tealight candle at the centre of the table. The wax was a pinkish red colour, and the light scent coming from it was sweet, with a touch of tartness. Pomegranate, maybe. At your silence, he cleared his throat and tried again. “How have you—”

“Did you plan this?”

He pulled back a bit, as if in genuine shock. “No, I swear, I had no idea it was you. Joy only told me it was someone from her department, and that you were pretty, and she thought you’d be my type.” A pause. “Did you?”

Your reply was icy. “Why would I plan to see you?”

He looked away at that, sucking in a breath through his teeth. You were probably mistaken, but something akin to hurt flashed in those eyes as he gave a short nod at your words. Likely a trick of the light. It was a little too dim in here. What reason would he have to be hurt? Why would he be bleeding when you were the one with cuts all over your hands from picking up the glass shards of your own broken heart?

An uncomfortable beat passed. “Well, I’d say it was nice to see you, but you know I’m not good at lying,” you said. Shouldn’t have sat down in the first place.

Grabbing your bag and cardigan, you made to stand up again, regretting your decision to come here, regretting giving in to Joy so easily, regretting leaving the house this morning without a stupid fucking umbrella. The drizzle outside had turned into a downpour in no time, and the street drains were definitely going to clog up tonight.

Seoul and its fucking summer monsoon season.

“Can we just—please, can you—fuck. Can we have dinner and just talk? As friends?” His hand shot out across the table, as if itching to grab yours again, but thought better of it, letting his fingertips rest against the edges of the linen napkin you hadn’t even bothered to unfold.

A refraction of light from his sleeve caught your eye. His cufflinks. He was wearing the cufflinks you had gotten him for your high school graduation all those years ago.

They had been expensive. Four months of pay from your part-time job at the ice-cream parlour was just enough for the pale pearls set in sterling silver. You supposed it would have been silly of him to throw them away when they were so valuable. It wasn’t like you had thrown away the gold pendant he had given you either. That necklace hadn’t hung around your neck for a long time, but it still sat somewhere in the depths of your jewellery box, underneath all the newer ones you had bought for yourself or received from friends over the years.

“Fine,” you found yourself saying. “Sure. As friends. Why not?”

Sinking back into your seat, you reached for the wine menu immediately. Enduring the next hour in the company of your ex-boyfriend without a drink? Unbearable. As much as you liked to convince yourself you were over him, from your behaviour tonight it was clear you most certainly were not, and only alcohol could soothe that blow to your pride.

Your eyes flitted down the page of reds, then the whites, then the sparklings. Christ, the prices in this place were not pretty. Joy would have to be in a completely separate tax bracket from you if these were the kinds of establishments she frequented.

For a brief moment, you thought about ordering the most expensive bottle on the list — a Penfold’s 2018 Shiraz — just to be spiteful, but decided against it. If you were really going to be sharing a meal ‘as friends’, he would not be footing the entire bill. You wouldn’t let him.

The waiter, under the impression that things had somewhat cooled down, finally approached your table, albeit a bit cautiously. Hearing but not really listening, you let him sing praises about the wild mushroom ravioli, ordering it just to save yourself the effort of reading through the rest of the menu. When he reached the beverages portion of his spiel, you settled for a more reasonable bottle, a 2021 merlot.

It was only once he had left to put your orders in that you realised that you had not even checked if Jaehyun was driving tonight.

“I’ll pay for the wine, if you’re not drinking,” you said, fiddling with your napkin. You could probably finish the whole bottle yourself anyway. Maybe that would make it easier to look him in the eye.

“You really don’t need to do that,” he replied, voice soft but firm. The weight of his eyes on you was almost a tangible thing. “I’ll have a glass.”

Your waiter returned, making a show of uncorking the bottle before pouring it out into both your glasses. You couldn’t down the first one fast enough, draining half the contents in one long mouthful like it was your first taste of water after finishing a marathon. Jaehyun was more deliberate with his glass, taking only a few small sips before he set it down on the table again. If he noticed the speed at which you emptied yours, which it was pretty hard not to with the way you were gulping the wine down, he said nothing.

God, this was fucking awkward.

“So,” he began, trying to mask the crack of his voice with a cough, “what made you agree to this thing?”

You reached for the bottle. “Felt like I owed it to Joy,” you said, pouring yourself another glass. “I flaked out of the last two she organised.”

Maybe you should have just gone on that first one with Taehyung, or Taehyun, or whatever his name was. Then you could have avoided this situation altogether.

“So you do this kind of thing a lot, then?” came his careful question.

You were curt. “No.”

He blinked a few times, the movements slow with confusion at the abruptness of your answer. You knew you were being difficult. You wanted to be. Five years could heal most things, but unspoken words could linger like splinters under your fingernails, festering below the surface. Calluses had hardened over the splinters of your breakup, tough and protective, but now it was as if they were pushing through to the surface again, your fingers newly tender at the sight of him after all those years.

A small part of you wanted to give him a taste of your hurt, wanted him to feel the prick of tiny wood chips in the flesh behind his nail beds. The larger part, however, knew malice would do no good for you. You had survived the pain. There was no reason to survive poison as well.

“No, I don’t,” you tried again, a little softer, a little less jagged around the edges. “I think she just likes to set them up for fun. This is my first time on one of these blind uh…” The word date sat heavy on the tip of your tongue but refused to budge. “One of these things.” Maybe another mouthful of wine would wash it down.

“Her definition of fun can be rather interesting,” he said, politely filling the silence.

You hummed in agreement, raising the freshly filled wine glass to your mouth again as you scrambled around in your head for something, anything to say. It had been a while since you had last been out on the dating scene, and you were well aware of it, but good grief, it was like your conversational skills had evaporated into thin air.

“How do you know Joy?” was what you decided on after a deliberately slow sip.

Thankfully, Jaehyun seemed to still know how to carry a conversation. “She’s one of the HR reps for Digital, so we’ve spoken a few times before. And her boyfriend is a friend from university.” He paused to take a sip of his wine. “Have you met him?”

You shook your head lightly. “No, not yet. Hoping to, soon.”

“You’ll like him. Doyoung’s a great guy. Patience of a saint.”

“He’d have to be to keep up with her,” you said, hints of a chuckle sprinkled in your voice.

Something about the fact that he was already privy to more of Joy’s personal life than you were had a sliver of jealousy wriggling in your stomach. She was supposed to be your friend, and yet you knew very little about Doyoung besides his name, while your ex-boyfriend across from you had been buddy-buddy with him for probably years and years. Not that it was a competition to see who held more information about their coworker outside the office, but the feeling that you were somewhat losing didn’t sit well.

“It’s actually my first time on a blind date as well,” he said, allowing himself a tentative smile. “You know how convincing she can be. I mean, I don’t think I’d ever go on one if she hadn’t roped me in. It feels a bit silly meeting up with a complete stranger, you know?” He turned his smile to you, still tentative but coloured with a tinge of hopefulness, like he wanted you to understand, like he knew you would.

How could you not? There had once been a time where you believed that you and Jaehyun had been two halves of the same soul, carved into existence from the same stone. There had once been a time where you knew him almost better than he knew himself.

A time rather distant from now.

You kept your answer non-committal. “Sure,” you murmured, wishing his pretty face wouldn’t fall so quickly at your nonchalance, wishing you hadn’t caught the slightest droop to the curve of his mouth. Everything about him was still too familiar. “I’m just a bit surprised to hear that, I guess. You were so desperate to meet new people back then.”

Three seconds passed in silence.

His eyes dropped to his lap, as did yours to your own. This previously reasonable bottle of merlot was loosening your lips rather unreasonably.

“Sorry, that was—” Unnecessary? Mean?

True?

“I didn’t mean to say that,” you finally managed, the words spilling out of your mouth in a tumbled rush.

Or maybe you had.

Jaehyun could only flash you a weak smile. “It’s fine,” he said, though you both knew it wasn’t really.

Frigidity returned to the air between you, stopped just short of freezing over by the reappearance of your waiter, along with a plate of goat’s cheese arancini. Jaehyun politely gestured for you to eat first, watching as you speared the crusty surface with your fork and moved it over to your own plate. For a few seconds, the only noises that could be heard from the table were the clinks and clanks of stainless steel utensils against ceramic plates. The arancini could not have come at a better time, affording both of you the opportunity to hide behind the guise of eating, and put off the need to make strained conversation, even if the time it bought you was fleeting.

Meet new people. Those were the exact words he had said to you all those years ago. Han River on a Tuesday night, cherry blossom petals fluttering through the balmy April air, the iciness of winter finally melting away into a distant memory to reveal fresh green carpets and vivid blooms — few things could have been more romantic. Spring is the season of love, they said.

But for you, spring was the season of loss. It was the season when love ended, when love could be taken back and snatched away in the blink of an eye. On a Tuesday night in April, you learned that your love was not just not enough, but that it was a burden, an obstacle between Jaehyun and living his life to the fullest. That time spent with you was time squandered. That you were robbing him of the complete university experience, and to an extent, his youth.

Jaehyun had always been a wanter. He wanted boldly and he wanted freely, never dwelling too long on how his wanting could appear in the eyes of others, never shy about his desires. When he was ten years old, he wanted a dog, despite the reddening of his nose and the watering of his eyes whenever he’d get within arm’s distance of the bichon frisé. In tenth grade, he wanted you, with cans of peach soda and sweet little notes in your locker until you finally said yes to being his girlfriend after three days of public pursuit.

(You had arguably wanted him more, and for longer, though nobody had been none the wiser — you were rather good at hiding your feelings.)

Two months into your first year at university, his wants changed. He wanted more space and more freedom to meet new people. He wanted to be able to attend club social outings, and get to know his seniors, and play drinking games with his new roommates, instead of trekking to the other side of Seoul every week to see you, his girlfriend, who had now become his obligation.

It would have been a lie to say you hadn’t noticed a shift in his behaviour in the months leading up to that fateful night. Smiles had become a little wearier. Texts had become sparser. You had chalked it up to the challenges of settling into the new routine and rigorous coursework, and the distance between your schools that occupied opposite sides of the city. Sure, the hour-long subway ride from his campus to yours wasn’t the greatest asset to your relationship, but 18-year-old you had remained optimistic it would endure whatever curveballs your first year of university and the beginnings of real adulthood would throw at you.

You had survived the CSAT together and emerged in one piece. What else could be harder than that?

“You’re right though,” he said quietly, eyes fixed on his own piece of fried goat’s cheese. “I guess I was.”

You let your fork drop with a soft clang. “Let’s not, uh—we don’t have to talk about that.” Pink petals were swimming at the edges of your vision.

Please, let’s not talk about that.

A flicker of something behind his eyes could almost convince you he wanted exactly the opposite of your unspoken plea. Maybe this was a conversation he didn’t actually want to avoid the way you so desperately did.

And maybe he would have said something too, if not for the waiter who returned at that precise moment.

“The mushroom ravioli,” the waiter announced, setting the plate down in front of you, “and the amatriciana spaghetti. Enjoy.”

Four pieces of pasta covered in sage butter looked back up at you.

You made a mental note to never order ravioli at an Italian restaurant ever again.

The sound of scraping utensils returned to your table, lightly blanketing the stilted pause in conversation with idle noise. Without much enthusiasm, you sliced at one of the four pieces of your ravioli, throwing what you hoped were sneaky glances at the full plate of spaghetti sitting in an appetising red sauce laid out before your ex-boyfriend.

“Do you want to try mine?”

Sneakiness had never been your forte.

Your polite refusal came quickly, even if it was rather weak to your own ears, but Jaehyun was already twirling a portion out onto the share plate the waiter had kindly provided a few minutes earlier. He made sure to scoop some sauce and pancetta bits on top as well, before gently pushing the plate towards you.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, though you made no move to dig in.

Everything wasn’t supposed to feel this familiar. You weren’t supposed to soften so easily at the sight of his dimpled smile. You weren’t supposed to feel that strange tug in your chest at his thoughtfulness, at the way he could still pick up the slightest change in your expression. And maybe the bar was too low, and here you were fawning over nothing more than the bare minimum, because what guy would see his date enviously looking at his food instead of her own and blatantly ignore it?

But with Jaehyun, it was different. You knew it was. Within every action, there was familiarity and practice, there was thought and care, there were years of history that were unerasable, even with the passage of time. You weren’t the same wide-eyed teenagers now as you had been then, and yet scenes from the rest of that excruciating first semester flickered in your mind.

A silent breakdown during a business administration lecture. Your roommate’s concerned expression when you decided to skip dinner again.

The tug in your chest was leading you back into dangerous territory.

For the third time tonight, you debated grabbing your things and walking straight out. You had only promised Joy that you would stay until the mains came out. If you were going to leave now, technically, you would still have fulfilled your end of the promise. Arguably, this wasn’t the best time to make an exit — fifteen minutes earlier would have been much better so that the kitchen would have time to cancel your stupid ravioli before they started preparing it. Leaving now wouldn’t be the most optimal, but it was still an option. A tad heavy on the dramatics, but you could live with that. You’d just never be able to step foot in this establishment again.

A shame. The spaghetti looked good. You’d have to search up if this place did delivery.

“You can go if you really want to, I won’t hold it against you,” Jaehyun said quietly. His eyes were fixed on the fork he was twirling through his dish. You supposed you should’ve been surprised at the way he could read your mind without even looking at you, but you couldn’t find the energy in you to pretend.

“But,” he continued at your silence, “if you’re willing to stay, I’d really like it if we could just catch up?” At this, he finally met your eyes and offered a small smile. “It has been a while, after all.”

Maybe it was the sincerity contained in those soft brown eyes. Maybe it was because you really did want to try the amatriciana spaghetti while it was hot and fresh off the stove. Whatever it was, you found yourself resolving to stay, despite all the reasons not to, despite the sound of them loud and clear in your head, ready at your disposal. Allowing yourself to indulge in nostalgia once in a while couldn’t be that bad for you. Right?

So you stayed. And you ate (his spicy amatriciana scored a landslide victory over your mushroom ravioli). And you talked. As two friends would do, catching each other up on the things that had shaped your lives since you had gone on your separate ways.

Conversation was clunky at first, that was to be expected. Even the closest of friendships would encounter some choppy waters when reconnecting for the first time after five years. But conversation with Jaehyun gave way to smooth sailing much quicker than you would have expected. He still wore the face of the boy who would sneak an extra serving of fried sweet potato from the cafeteria because he knew you liked them, but he wasn’t quite the same. Older, certainly. Maturity wasn’t something that went hand-in-hand with age like you had thought when you were younger, but he was more mature too. Surer of himself, and his place in the world.

You heard of the summer he spent in the UK after graduation, visiting his uncle and their family, appreciating classical architecture and the leisure inherent to rolling green hills that he hadn’t been able to find in the metropolis he had grown up in. (The food, however, was an entirely different story. He had never been so overjoyed to see a bowl of rice that wasn’t covered in mushy peas or sitting in a puddle of questionable-looking curry.)

He learned of your semester exchange in Amsterdam, including the unfortunate incident involving you, a runaway bicycle, and the freezing water of the Dutch canals. Fortunately, a nasty cold and two weeks in bed over the Christmas break were the worst things that came of it. Those few months had been eye-opening, to say the least. Stepping outside of your own bubble had made you realise how much more there was to the world, and how little you knew of it.

Yes, Jaehyun had changed, but then again so had you. The realisation dawned halfway through dessert, slowly settling over you as you spooned at the tiramisu in the centre of the table. Perhaps it hadn’t been fair to him that you had been harbouring this seed of antagonism towards him for all these years. He, so afflicted by youth, as you both had been back then, was only doing what he thought was right and necessary. Could you really fault him for that? You had seen enough of life now to know that sometimes, nobody was to blame.

There was a comfortable lull in the conversation before he spoke again. The sound of his voice drew you away from the window, where you could see that the rain had slowed from the earlier dramatic downpour to a lighter shower.

“I know I probably wasn’t who you were expecting today,” he said, a little hesitant and gauging your expression.

“You definitely were not.” You gave him an amused half-smile over the rim of your barely-filled glass, which he returned. The bottle of merlot sat tall and empty on the table.

“I just wanted to say,” he began, taking in a breath, “I’m glad it was you. It was really nice to see you again. And I’m sorry if you were disappointed that it was me.”

There was something sad in the curve of his mouth, you thought. It tempered the warmth in his eyes.

“I’m not disappointed,” you heard yourself say. “Really.”

It was the truth. You knew he could see it written across your face. Dishonesty and insincere flattery were not familiar weapons you wielded. He knew that. He knew you.

Jaehyun sat back, bringing his own glass to his lips and draining the lingering contents. Perhaps to hide the private smile that broke out across his handsome face, which you pretended not to see, turning your attention back to the raindrops pattering against the window.

The evening air was cool on your bare arms when you stepped out, taking shelter under the awning in front of the restaurant. You weren’t the only one who had forgone a weather app consultation today. Jaehyun stood beside you, hands tucked neatly in the pockets of his slacks, a not unwelcome companion while you waited for your taxi to arrive. He’d call one later, after he made sure you had gotten in the car and were on the way home.

“I guess I’ll see you around?” he asked, tone light.

You cast a sidelong glance at him. His profile was backlit by the warm light emanating from inside the restaurant, carving out the straight bridge of his nose, a soft shadow cupping the fullness of his bottom lip. Would there ever be a time the sight of him wouldn’t take your breath away?

“Maybe,” you breathed. Letting him back into your life wasn’t a decision you felt ready to make yet, and you had no intention of promising him anything you couldn’t be sure you’d be able to deliver. Even if you would only be promising him friendship.

He didn’t push it further and hummed in understanding. Then your taxi was pulling up in front of the restaurant, the splash from the tyres just missing the hem of your trousers, and you were bidding him goodbye, staring a second too long at the dimples that appeared, and trying not to step in a pothole puddle as you clambered rather ungracefully into the car.

But because realisation was never punctual, it was only when you arrived home, carefully kicking off the black pumps and patting them dry with a microfibre cloth, that you realised two things.

First, you had left your cardigan at the Italian restaurant.

And second, Jaehyun had footed the whole bill.

There was a reason the seventh floor was your favourite floor in the building.

It wasn’t because of the little in-office cafe with the cute but ridiculously overpriced pastries that tasted even better than they looked, or the deceptively comfortable bean bag chairs by the far window that would always tempt you with a mid-afternoon nap every time you sank into one of them.

No. The seventh floor was your favourite because it had a Nespresso machine. Free use. Company-funded.

A seventh floor coffee was one of the only things that could get you to leave the comfort of your desk and willingly walk up two flights of stairs. (The elevators always took too long.) On Monday afternoons like these, after an entire morning swimming through attendance and sick leave reports from the last quarter, the promise of a smooth and velvety cappuccino felt like your only hope for humanity. Unfortunately for you, it seemed like everybody else had the same idea, if the line in front of the coffee machine was anything to judge by.

“You should have told me!”

You gave Joy an incredulous look. “Right. Because I definitely knew exactly who he was.”

“Well, you could have worked it out. You’re a smart girl.”

“You said a total of three sentences about him.”

She paused, fixing you with a contemplative stare. Her eyebrows were doing that weird lifting thing when she was running something through her head. “Five sentences,” she finally managed, tapping around the rim of her empty mug.

Why she came up with you at all when she wasn’t a coffee person, would probably take two sips of the espresso, and then complain it was too bitter, was beyond you. Sometimes you wondered if she was really that good at her job, or if her workload was just so non-existent that she could take five coffee breaks a day. It couldn’t be the latter, because you had seen that her calendar was full for the entire morning.

“Let’s not spend the next fifteen minutes talking about last Friday,” you sighed, already pushing thoughts of dimpled smiles and warm eyes to the far corner of your mind. Hopefully not to be revisited for a while. “I want my head outrageously blank while I enjoy this cappuccino. Swear to god Junmyeon is trying to drown me with those leave reports.”

“You know he only assigns them to you because you’ve never told him you hate doing it.”

“He assigns them to me because I’m the only one available who can get it done properly. You’re always blocked out, and Jungwoo has that weekly coaching session. Jisung tried to help me do it this morning, and he didn’t even separate paid from unpaid leave. The numbers looked like we were bleeding PTO.”

She gave you a sly smile. “You know you can block yourself out too,” she said off-handedly.

“You can what?”

This was new information.

“You’re telling me someone else could be sifting through that 70-page file if I just schedule in a random meeting with myself?” you asked again, to which she nodded.

“Has yet to fail me. But make sure you name it something that makes sense, and don’t do it all the time, otherwise it’ll look suspicious.”

Corporate bullshitting was a fine art, and you were beginning to realise you were still but a novice at it.

“And lay off the intern,” she added. “He’s just a child.” “He’s taller than Junmyeon.”

“A child in spirit, then. You know what I mean. He sort of reminds me of a cute little mouse,” she mused, trailing off. If her apartment complex didn’t have a pet ban, you had a feeling she would be taking in every stray animal off the street.

However, she was right. Jisung had been a bigger help than you had expected of a second-year commerce student. Even if it was just skimming through a finished presentation pack to fix up any typos and align text boxes, you couldn’t deny that having an extra pair of eyes and hands had made your life a little bit easier. Maybe you would even miss him once his summer placement came to an end and the semester rolled back around. As long as there weren’t too many more incidents like the one from this morning.

Speaking of this morning…

“Hey, does that mean you’ve been making yourself unavailable so you don’t have to read the—”

“Oh look! The line’s getting shorter. You should move up before someone cuts in.”

You shuffled forward, but not without throwing her a displeased look along with a grumble or two. Next time the quarterly attendance analysis rolled around, you were definitely making use of the trick she had just told you about. A quick glance up ahead. There were now three people in front of you in the line, but only one green capsule left on the rack.

Please, caffeine gods be willing, let that last one be yours.

“I can’t believe I told you that I thought your ex-boyfriend was super fucking hot. I feel so icky, like I’ve betrayed you somehow,” Joy said, making a face. The dimpled smile fought its way back into your consciousness, and you suppressed the twist in your stomach that seemed to accompany every recollection of it.

“It’s honestly fine. There’s no way you could have known.” You shrugged, partly to reassure her it wasn’t a big deal, and partly to shake off that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The better part of your weekend had been spent trying to make sense of the night, after battling a merlot-induced migraine for most of Saturday morning and early afternoon. Three glasses had been a necessity to get through dinner, but it was ultimately overkill. You were no longer the girl from two years ago who took advantage of her afternoon class the next day by destroying a few soju bottles with your roommates. On a weeknight, too.

Joy gave your arm a soft squeeze. “Still, I’m sorry I put you through that. Hopefully it wasn’t completely awful?”

Completely awful, it was not. Awful at some parts? Maybe.

Truthfully, you hadn’t been prepared to see Jaehyun again. Not to say that you had never thought about it — you definitely had, running simulations through your head about how you would run into him on the street, ignore his greeting and walk past him like he didn’t even exist. But those were the musings of a heart-broken teenager, turning to spite and cheap endeavours at revenge to cope with the loss of her first love. Last Friday did have spite rearing its ugly head, but that spite was short-lived, and only one aspect that made up the whirlwind of emotions that came with seeing him again after all those years.

“No, it wasn’t all bad,” you were about to say, when your eye was suddenly caught by a movement up ahead.

A slender, veiny hand reached out to grab the last green pod from the coffee rack. You watched as the thief’s fingers closed around the capsule and slotted it into the machine. He pressed the lever down — because of course, it was a man. Not only was he on the better side of the gender wage gap, but he also had to be ahead of you in the caffeine race as well.

The sound of the capsule being punctured was the final blow.

“My coffee,” you lamented under your breath.

“Have some patience,” Joy chided. “We’re nearly there. You’re like a zombie when you don’t have your little cup of bean juice.”

You shook your head glumly. “The last Peruvian. I waited for so long. It was supposed to be mine, and he took it.”

“Who did?”

“The guy at the front.”

Your eyes were still glued on the hand as it wrapped around the mug filled with your favourite blend, completely unaware that it had just robbed you of the only small pocket of joy you had been looking forward to all afternoon. Peering around the two people still ahead, your gaze travelled up his exposed forearm and the sleeve of the white dress shirt cuffed there. If only you could catch a glimpse of the face that had stomped all over your hopes and dreams…

The lady in front of you shuffled closer to the coffee machine and finally cleared your line of sight. Coffee stealer’s ear came into view before his face did, and he was—

“Jaehyun?”

His name fell out of Joy’s mouth before you could even get your own to start working again and beg her not to call out to him. For a moment you were afraid you had conjured him out of thin air from the uninvited thoughts of him circling the outskirts of your mind. At least now you knew he wasn’t a hallucination.

Jaehyun’s eyebrows pinched in confusion first, then surprise, before finally smoothing over with recognition. He offered a small wave, eyes flitting from Joy over to you, and then he was walking over, and you were fighting for your life trying to mask the panic that was bubbling away inside your chest.

You shot Joy a frantic look. Why did you do that?

I don’t know! Sorry, said her returning one. The corners of her mouth were turned down in an apologetic frown, but she quickly schooled it into a smile at Jaehyun’s approach.

“I’ve never seen you on seven before,” Joy said, the spitting image of friendliness, nevermind that you were beside her and desperately looking for an exit out of the incoming conversation. “You’re always holed up somewhere on ten.”

You supposed you should have known this would happen sooner or later. Six months without running into each other when you worked at the same company, in the same building, was the exception, not the rule. You were just grateful Joy didn’t try to bring up her clever little dinner setup that had been plaguing you the entire weekend, or try and rope the two of you into awkward and unnecessary introductions.

“Someone told me I should come down and try the Nespresso machine. Apparently it’s really good,” he said, gesturing at the mug you had been staring at for the past three minutes.

“It is,” were the first two words you managed. Both pairs of eyes shifted towards you, waiting for the rest of your comment to come, but you could only disappoint, the syllables hanging thick and dumb in the air.

There appeared to be some sort of blockage in your mouth-to-brain pipeline.

Joy cleared her throat lightly, throwing you a sideways glance. “Which one did you try? They all taste the same to me, but she only drinks the green ones,” she said, ignoring the panicked twitch of your mouth. She knew full well that he was the one you’d been staring daggers into ever since he grabbed that stupid capsule. Your stupid capsule.

Jaehyun’s eyes flicked between your face and the steaming drink in his hand a few times.

“Do you want mine? I think I might have taken the last green one.” He offered the mug to you. “I didn’t really know what to press, so it’s just a cappuccino. Regular milk. I haven’t had any yet.”

“It’s fine, you should have yours. I’ll get another one,” you politely declined. No matter how much you liked the Peruvian blend, it was not worth the charity from your ex-boyfriend. Even if it was the only thing that could get you through the rest of the afternoon. Even if he was holding the exact thing that you had been planning on getting.

Hopefully the kitchen staff would restock those capsules by tomorrow.

The look he gave you was not a convinced one, but he didn’t push further. With your dismissal of his offer, the three of you lapsed into a sticky silence. Even Joy, who was so adept at making topics of conversation out of nothing, had little to add, passing up the challenge of pulling meaningful sentences out of your mouth. The stifling tension between you and Jaehyun must have been more powerful than you thought.

“Shoot, I think I’m getting a Teams call,” Joy suddenly said, making a show of pulling her phone out and tapping the screen.

Liar. She didn’t even have the app notifications turned on.

“I should probably take this, but I’ll see the both of you later.” She flashed a contrite smile, and then she was off, almost speed-walking her way down the stairs you had come up together, all the while pressing her phone to her ear with a little too much urgency for a mid-afternoon cold call. By the look on Jaehyun’s face, he hadn’t been all that impressed by her impromptu theatrics either.

“Are you still in the line?”

“Sorry, yes,” you muttered at the woman behind you. Clearly, you were not the only one impatient for their caffeine fix.

Finally, you were at the counter. You stared blankly at the rack of capsules. The empty space where the green ones were usually stored was glaringly obvious, jumping out at you while you skimmed through the other blends for a passable alternative. After many more seconds than would have been necessary to pick one flavour out of the remaining three, your fingers closed around a gold one. It would have to do for today.

Jaehyun watched as you dropped the capsule into its slot and made your selections. Why he was still here with you was somewhat of a mystery. You would’ve thought that Joy’s hasty exit would have prompted him to do the same, saving the both of you from having to make bumbling small talk about the weather, or the weekend, or whatever else that two people working at the same company, with no other relational history, could talk about to fill in the silence.

Maybe he wanted to talk about the dinner bill. The fact that he had settled it, without you even noticing, had been weighing on your mind. It was less of a money thing — though you were pretty sure the total hadn’t been a modest number — than a pride thing. Being indebted to others always left a smear on your conscience.

Being indebted to your ex-boyfriend was like someone had shit all over it.

Whatever. If he didn’t bring it up first, you would. This was the 21st century. You were both financially independent adults. Splitting the bill on a first date didn’t have to be such a contentious thing.

Although technically, it was far from your first. And it wasn’t a date either, because you had refused to label it as such in your head.

The last few drops of milk and espresso trickled into the mug, before the machine stopped whirring altogether. You knew he was still there. You could feel his presence behind you. He had probably been waiting for the noise to stop so that you’d be able to hear him speak. Taking your mug off the stand, you turned to face him.

“Your cardigan,” he said.

“Huh?”

Confusion splashed over you. You weren’t even wearing one today.

“I have your cardigan,” he amended. “From Friday. You left it inside the restaurant. One of the waiters brought it out, but you had left already, so I took it with me.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I have it now, if you want it back.”

“You do?”

“I mean, it’s at my desk. I brought it in today,” he added quickly, seeing the way you were looking about his person like you were expecting it to materialise into his hands.

You blinked a few times, trying to clear the brain fog that had decided now was the perfect time to strike. “Yes, I—thank you, um, for that. I can take it off you…?”

Had you meant to have it sound so much like a question? It seemed like your capacity for human speech was always afflicted by some sort of malfunction in his presence.

“Okay, uh, do you want to come up to my desk? I’ve got it there.”

The elevator ride up to the tenth floor was a short one. You could have taken the stairs just to get the extra steps in, but with both of you holding uncovered drinks, three flights of stairs combined with your clumsy fingers were a slip hazard just waiting to happen. Still, despite the short journey, the seconds inside the elevator seemed to drag on for much longer.

Before you could lose your nerve, you opened your mouth to crack the silence.

“Let me pay you back for dinner.”

Good. It sounded good. Firm, but not overbearing. Hell yeah, you were getting the hang of this conversation-with-your-ex-boyfriend thing.

Jaehyun seemed a bit taken aback by that, turning to you slightly with surprise woven into the crease of his brow. “You really don’t need to do that,” he said after a beat.

The elevator dinged, and he stepped out through the sliding doors before you could form a coherent response. It took a second for you to follow, the coffee inside your mug almost making a dangerous appearance all over the elevator floor as you caught up with his strides.

“Think of it as me taking care of a junior colleague. I am your senior, you know,” he said over his shoulder, a smile gracing his features at the latter part.

“Only by half a year,” you grumbled. “That doesn’t even count.” The light shake of his broad shoulders let you know he had heard your gripes over his attempts at enforcing seniority. His accompanying laugh was a soft one. You barely caught it above the noise of the tenth floor office.

The mellowed cosiness of the fifth floor HR department was hard to be found here. You were used to some chatter, with the occasional high-pitched laugh from Joy punctuating the air. On days he was feeling particularly jovial, Junmyeon could be heard humming from whichever desk he had decided to park at for the day (such was the beauty of hot-desking and hotelling). The few occasions you shared a table with him had allowed you to recognise the melody of The Beatles’ Strawberry Fields Forever — always the same song, and he hummed everything except for the words ‘strawberry fields’, which he insisted on singing, albeit softly.

Nothing about Digital was soft or cosy. Except maybe the sofa in one of the open creative spaces. The floor buzzed with activity, from the influx of incoming call ringtones to agenda-packed meetings in conference rooms. A group of people were clustered around a floor-to-ceiling whiteboard covered in diagrams that were undecipherable to you, engaged in animated conversation while pointing at various parts of the board. Some of them greeted Jaehyun as he walked past with you in tow.

“I had no idea Digital was this busy,” you mused out loud, following him as he weaved through the desks.

He chuckled lightly. “We like to talk a lot. And some of us can get a bit loud,” he said. The joking undercurrent to his voice had you thinking that the second part was said with someone in mind. “But it’s more hectic than usual. We’ve just won a really big bid and Johnny’s excited about his first time leading one of the streams.” He paused to wave and give a thumbs-up at the man standing at the very front of the whiteboard group (you assumed this was Johnny), who returned the greetings with just as much enthusiasm.

Jaehyun had always been a people person. That was one thing that would likely never change.

The two of you arrived at his desk, a quieter one next to the windows offering an almost unobstructed view of the city. He dug around his workspace, pulling out a Jo Malone gift bag.

“Ignore the bag,” he said, catching your wary expression. “I didn’t want to stuff it in my duffel with the rest of my gym stuff.”

You took it from his outstretched hand, with a quick glance to check that it was in fact your cardigan. The ribbed black fabric sat inside, folded neatly over itself.

“It got rained on quite a bit, so I washed it. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course, that’s kind of you, Jaehyun. You didn’t have to.” For a moment, you wondered if he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent. The smell of it used to cling to his school uniform, a burst of freshness you always sought during the muggy summer days.

“Thank you,” you said, giving him a grateful smile. “I thought I lost it for good.” In your mind, you had already made peace with the fact that you would probably see the thing ever again. Yet all weekend, it had been taking up space in Jaehyun’s hamper, uncertain as to when it would finally be able to reunite with your closet.

You gave him a careful look.

“Did you plan on seeing me today?” you asked.

“No. Yes. I mean—” The tips of his ears took on the faintest hint of a pink flush. “I didn’t know if I would run into you, so I’m glad I did. But otherwise, I was just going to give it to Joy and get her to pass it along to you,” he trailed off, gaze shifting sideways to the cityscape posted on the other side of the glass windows.

Neither of you had bothered with exchanging contact details after dinner, an oversight that was more deliberate than not on your part. His re-entry into your life was something you hadn’t felt quite ready for. And yet—

“Do you want my number?”

Stupid mouth. The words were out before you even registered that you had spoken. You prayed he wouldn’t pick up on the unintended suggestion of the question, though judging by the quick raise of his left eyebrow, you weren’t the only one who realised the other possible interpretations of your words.

“I mean, just in case something like this happens again. So you can contact me directly,” you added quickly. Heat slowly crept its way up to your cheeks. You hoped he wouldn’t notice.

“Sure,” he said, lips curling into a smile. “If that’s okay with you.”

Considering you were the one who had said it out loud in the first place, it would have been strange if you suddenly decided it was not okay with you.

There was some fumbling with each other’s phones, before you were typing your number to add into his contacts, and he was doing the same to yours. Would he realise yours was still the same string of digits as it had been five years ago?

“Well, I’d better get going,” you said, handing back his phone. Now was as good a time to make an easy exit as any. You had planned on gossiping with Joy in the level seven kitchen for the rest of the hour, but back to your desk appeared to be the more likely destination this afternoon. 70-page files didn’t read themselves. “Thanks for the cardigan. I’ll see you later, then?”

Jaehyun looked like he had more to say, but you were already turning around, ready to leave the hubbub of the tenth floor. Ready to leave the presence of your ex-boyfriend-turned-friend? Acquaintance? You shook your head lightly. A drink was needed to unpack that box of worms.

A call of your name had you pausing mid-step.

“Your coffee,” Jaehyun said, tapping you on the shoulder to hand you your mug.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, taking it from his grasp. You hadn’t even bothered to take a sip of the non-Peruvian cappuccino, the surface still untouched. It was probably cold now. Maybe you’d pass it off to Jungwoo, this time sans the salt.

“You know, if the dinner bill thing bothers you that much, you can just make it up to me later.”

You blinked at him a few times. “Make it up to you how?”

“Ah, that’s for me to decide,” he replied, a boyish glint to his smiling eyes. Both his dimples popped out, and you found yourself unable to choose which one to focus on.

Then he was moving, and you were left staring at the broad expanse of his back as he walked away. Head full of thoughts wondering what the hell kind of favour he would now hold over your head, you almost walked straight into Jungwoo as you came out of the elevator.

“Hey, I got a Nespresso from seven. You want it?” you asked, offering him the coffee you stopped yourself from spilling all over him. He eyed the mug apprehensively.

“You put salt in it again, didn’t you?”

“No? Where did you even get that from? Hang on, how do you know it was me?”

Jungwoo sucked in a breath through his teeth. “So it was you! I knew it! You know, you really are a scary woman,” he grumbled. “Who ever would have thought an evil spirit lurked behind such a kind face?”

“So that’s a no to the coffee?”

“I don’t trust you anymore, so no.”

“Suit yourself,” you shrugged, making your way back to your desk. The attendance reports stared back at you as you logged into the monitor, drawing a sigh out of you. You took a sip of the coffee.

And frowned.

You brought the mug to your mouth again. Like the first sip, the second was also lukewarm. But like the first sip, the second also tasted exactly the same as your usual Peruvian blend. Maybe there really was no difference between all the different coloured capsules, you thought, skimming through page 33 of the file.

That thing about realisation never being on time? Still true.

On the subway ride home, gripping the handle with all your might while sandwiched between two middle-aged men in stuffy suits, it dawned on you.

Jaehyun had given you his coffee instead.

“Thanks everyone for dialling in today. We’ll chat soon.”

The screen reverted back to its default background as the call ended, and you let out a sound somewhere in between a groan and a whimper. Junmyeon did not look to be faring any better, head in his hands while his elbows rested on the meeting room table.

“Can somebody please tell Jackson and the rest of the Marketing heads that Summer Fridays doesn’t mean they can just take Fridays completely off?” he groaned, the sounds escaping through the gaps in his fingers. “Our absenteeism looks like it’s at an all time high. Nayeon, you’re friendly with him, aren’t you?”

The girl pressed at her temples. “I mean, we were in the same advertising and PR club back in university, if that counts for anything. But yeah, I’ll schedule some time with him and go over it.”

“Great, thank you,” Junmyeon sighed, throwing his head back. “Alright, I’ll send around a debrief email later this afternoon. Thanks everyone for your time.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. A second later and you were out of the eighth floor Marketing meeting room, already on your way to the Nespresso machine downstairs. Another coffee at 4pm was slightly pushing it, but you needed a pick-me-up urgently to wash away the gruelling two hours spent going through company policy with Marketing.

The buzz of your phone was a momentary distraction from your mission.

It was a message from Jaehyun. Something silly in response to a text you had sent earlier in the day.

jaehyun [04:07 pm]: in dire need of a fake mango right now jaehyun [04:07 pm]: mmm fake mango milkshake

The smile that crept up onto your face was almost like a reflex in the way it couldn’t be helped.

Now that you were acquainted again, it was like you saw him everywhere. How you had managed to completely avoid each other for the last half a year or so was a fascinating mystery. Some mornings you’d run into him in the building lobby. He’d hold the elevator doors open for you, and you’d exchange pleasantries on the ride up to the fifth floor, where you’d get off and bid him goodbye, or see you later. And see him later you did. Whether it was at the seventh floor coffee machine, or in line at the cafeteria on twelve, the sight of his face had become a nice interruption to the hours spent at a monitor, or in a call like the one you had just escaped.

He would come down to the fifth floor sometimes, stopping by Joy’s desk or yours to say hello and have a chat if you weren’t busy. You found yourself wishing he would spend less time with Joy than he did with you — not because you wanted to see him more (because that was absolutely not the reason at all), but because he was steadily gaining a lead over you in the Joy friendship competition. The three of you had spent a few lunch breaks at the cafeteria together, granted that your schedules matched, with an odd appearance from Jungwoo every now and again.

You saw more of Johnny (loud) and Mark (louder), Jaehyun’s friends from Digital who you’d normally hear before you’d see them. Johnny was his “beloved coffee mate” (Jaehyun’s exact words) and possibly the only other person in the building who cared about the green Peruvian capsules as much as you did. Mark was… Mark, for lack of a better description. There was nobody the boy couldn’t strike a conversation with. If he really needed to, you suspected he could probably get along with a wet paper towel.

You had been offered an invitation to join the three of them for one of their weekly lunches outside the company building. Johnny was more than happy to let you know he was somewhat of an expert at finding the hottest eats in the area, having put half his floor onto the cold noodle place he had sought out at the start of the month. And laugh as you had when he proudly told you about it, Johnny’s influence was no joke. News of the restaurant had somehow trickled its way down to HR, with Junmyeon just the other day asking around the team if anyone had tried the place before.

Perhaps you’d join them next week. It was always nice to be ahead of the trend.

You arrived at the seventh floor kitchen and sighed. The rack was out of green capsules again. Although, maybe that was to be expected. It was nearing the end of the day, and the gold capsules were finished too. So much for a 4pm pick-me-up, you thought, though it might have been for the better — too much caffeine in one day always made you a bit antsy and had your resting heart rate up in the high 80s.

With empty hands and a pout on your lips, you made your way back to the fifth floor.

Joy’s eyes were glued to her screen when you walked past her. “Jaehyun stopped by while you were in that Marketing call,” she said without looking at you, squinting at a spreadsheet.

“Did he?” you replied, trying your best at nonchalance despite the little flip of your stomach.

“Are you talking about her handsome friend from Digital?” Jungwoo peered around the table with a playful grin on his face.

You were back on good terms now, thanks to your promise to pay for his lunch from the cafeteria for a whole week to make up for the coffee incident. The look in his eyes right now had you thinking life was better that week where he had been afraid of you.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Joy said distractedly in between clicks of her keyboard. “Jisung, can you just double check these numbers for me? I’m in the second tab of the Excel file.”

The intern was quick to comply. You had a feeling she was his favourite senior.

“Anyways, I think he left you something.”

You made your way over to your desk, ignoring Jungwoo’s oohs and ahs. Sure enough, there was something sitting next to your diary and the three empty glasses you hadn’t had the chance to rinse out yet.

It was a coffee capsule. Specifically, it was a green coffee capsule.

There was a sticky note stuck to the back of it, which you turned around to read. His handwriting was still identical to that of the silly little notes he used to leave in the margins of your home economics workbook.

saved this last one from johnny’s clutches. enjoy ^.^

Despite the jitters from the end-of-day caffeine fix, you smiled the whole way home.

“I’ve found a way you can make it up to me.”

You pulled the phone away from your ear to check the screen. 9:34 am. The Saturday morning still had you in its clutches, and it took a few seconds to process the sounds you were hearing.

“Who is this?” you croaked, sleep lacing your voice.

“It’s Jaehyun.”

You sat up a little straighter against the pillows. “Jaehyun?” you echoed.

“Yes, it’s me. Do you not check the caller ID before you answer?”

You grumbled something about it being too early on the weekend to have your head screwed on properly, to which he laughed, a vivid sound even through the phone.

“Do you have plans later today?”

You hesitated. Technically, no, unless a hot date with Netflix and whatever leftover snacks you could find in your pantry counted as plans. You were due for a grocery trip soon. The three eggs and single sprig of spring onion in your fridge would not last for long. Cooking had never been something you enjoyed, especially not after a full work day, and yet living alone required so much of it. You didn’t want to make up a non-existent dinner reservation, partly because you knew he’d be able to tell the untruth just by listening to your voice, and partly because something unpleasant niggled at your insides at the thought of lying just to avoid him.

“Why, what’s up?” you asked instead.

“Well, you know that jazz festival?” You gave an affirmative hum. “I have tickets for today. Mark and I were supposed to go together, but he just called me saying he can’t make it. Something about a leak in his apartment from all the rain. So…”

You stifled a yawn. “So?” Your brain was still trying to catch up with the land of the awake and living.

“Come with me?”

The words took a while and a few blinks to register. When they did, your first instinct was to say no. Jaehyun was fine in small doses. A quick chat over coffee, sporadic texts throughout the day, conversation within the safety of a group setting — these were all fine. Manageable. Nice, even. But Jaehyun in the flesh, outside of the office, with nobody else around to buffer the strange sort of tension that seemed to always thrum between the two of you — that was an entirely different ball game altogether. Sometimes, a mere run-in was enough to have your heart going a little faster than usual, nerves lighting up at the unexpected sight of his face.

“I am not above begging. Please don’t make me go to this thing by myself.”

And yet, there was a flicker of something pleasant and sweet, something akin to excitement that curbed the nervous flutter in your gut. You were fifteen again, waiting outside the movie theatre, a little too giddy at the thought of spending time with the boy whose sweet smile had become the cause of your stomach somersaults. And that was before you had even admitted to yourself that you liked him, as more than a friend.

“What time is it?” you found yourself asking.

So maybe you were seriously considering it. You had been meaning to put that new film camera to use. The thing had been collecting dust in one of your drawers ever since you bought it on a whim one night scrolling through Pinterest. Somehow, the rows of tables and monitors in the office didn’t seem like the most interesting camera subjects compared to the scenes of concerts and beach bonfires that had driven your impulsive purchase.

“Well, the doors open at 11, but the first performer is at 12. And Lauv’s set isn’t until later in the evening.”

“Lauv is performing?” Your voice had gone up almost an octave, but you couldn’t care enough to be embarrassed. This was a crucial piece of information. Now you had to be there.

He laughed. “So is that a yes?”

“Yes. Yes, it’s a yes.” The covers were flipped off your legs in an instant.

It wasn’t that Jaehyun looked bad in slacks and a dress shirt. That was not the case at all. But you had grown used to them on him over the last few weeks, and the sight of his long legs in a pair of well-fitting trousers no longer caused a spike in your heart rate.

Jaehyun in casual clothes outside the office was uncharted territory.

The midday sun was strong outside the subway station. Clad in a black graphic tee over a pair of baggy green cargos, Jaehyun stood idly at the entrance, face hidden by the brown baseball cap on his head and eyes trained on his phone. How someone could look so gorgeous in something so ordinary was a secret only he knew the truth of. He caught sight of you from across the road, waiting for the pedestrian light, and raised his hand in a wave.

“It’s different seeing you out of your work clothes,” he said.

“Different good or different bad?”

A soft smile grazed his lips. “Just different. You look younger.”

“So do you,” you replied.

You look like the boy I was in love with all those years ago.

“Did you taxi?”

“No, I took the bus. There’s one that goes straight from my building. I didn’t know you lived around here,” you mused to yourself.

“My place is really close.” He pointed somewhere behind him. “Five minutes that way, tops. You should come over sometime.”

A slight pause. Jaehyun’s eyes flitted down to the pavement. You weren’t sure if the heat in your cheeks was from the sun or something else entirely.

“Anyway,” he cleared his throat, “we should probably go. It takes 40 minutes to get there, so if we leave now we should be able to catch the 1pm.”

The subway on the weekend was nowhere near as awful as it usually was during the weekday rush hours, but packed nonetheless. You definitely preferred being stuck in a carriage full of bright-eyed and chattering teenagers than the usual crowd of solemn-faced office workers. When a seat finally freed up, Jaehyun was quick to offer it to you, manoeuvring himself so that he could stand in front of you as you sat down. Toe to toe, the tips of his shoes grazed yours, and you were suddenly reminded of study periods at the library. The two of you could never agree on who first started the game of footsie under the desk.

“See those girls over there?” you asked quietly, nodding towards a group of likely high schoolers down the other end of the carriage. Jaehyun turned his head to follow your gaze, catching sight of the girls who immediately erupted in whispers and giggles upon making eye contact with him. “They’ve been staring at you for the last two stops.”

He was quick to turn back towards you, nose scrunching and slightly embarrassed. “Kids these days are so weird,” he said with a soft groan. “Why are they doing that?”

“You know they’re only staring because you’re handsome.”

Despite the pinkness of his ears, he was smiling wide. “You think I’m handsome?”

You blinked up at him. “I didn’t say that.” Did I? “I meant they probably think you’re handsome. Which is why they’re staring. You know. It’s nice to look at good-looking people.”

The rushed explanations did nothing to shake the feeling that you had slipped-up somehow, and he had caught it. Jaehyun’s dimples only deepened at your backtracking.

“You know what I mean,” you finally huffed, biting back a smile at the deep sound of his responding laugh. “Whatever. I think this is our stop.”

The festival couldn’t have picked a better day to be held. The skies were clear and blue, and the air carried a light breeze that provided a welcome relief from the heavy stickiness of midsummer. It was a nice change from the sporadic rainstorms that had plagued the city over the last two weeks or so. Mark’s leaking apartment was proof of the temperamental weather. If you had one bone to pick, the sun was a tad strong, but that was to be expected. You had come prepared, tugging the bucket hat down further to cover your face.

Alaina Castillo’s set was well underway by the time you and Jaehyun made your way into the venue grounds. A decent amount of people had already arrived, trickling in to fill up the gated area in front of the main stage. The two of you filed in with the rest, finding a place towards the back of the growing crowd where there was ample room to breathe without inhaling someone else’s breath.

You had never been one for being stuck in a swarm of people. A harsh reminder of why that was the case appeared when, out of nowhere, a stranger’s elbow dug into your arm, knocking you sideways in their determined path towards the barricade.

The steadying hand around your shoulder was instantaneous.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, and you mumbled something affirmative in reply, trying not to dwell too much on the warmth of his skin on your bare arm. His eyes followed the stranger who was still pushing on through the crowd in front. “People really need to watch where they’re going,” he muttered, brows drawn together in a frown.

The rest of the afternoon proceeded more smoothly. It was a little unsettling how normal and nice everything felt. Jaehyun kept close to you for the sets that followed, the distance between the two of you gradually shrinking as the crowd grew in size. The occasional brush of your forearms as you moved to the music was no longer something to jump at like you had the first time it had happened. You managed to snap a few pictures on your almost-new film camera, mostly of the artist performing, but there was one of you in there somewhere amidst the stage shots, taken by an insistent and smiley Jaehyun during one of the set breaks.

“So this is why you wanted someone to come with you,” you said, sliding onto the bench and passing him one of the burgers from the food truck.

“It’s so much more efficient when you can line up for two things at once. If I was by myself, I’d either wait for the beer and let my burger get soggy, or wait for the burger and let my beer get warm and flat. This way the food is fresh, and our drinks are ice cold out of the fridge.”

You cracked a smile. “And here I thought you called me because you enjoyed my company.”

“I do enjoy your company,” he said without missing a beat. “The other stuff is just an added plus.”

You took a sip of the cold beer, hoping it would stave off the quick flush of your cheeks. Jaehyun said things so easily. Too easily. It was harder and harder to adhere to that invisible boundary you had been so adamant on protecting.

Why were you so reluctant to let him back in? Why all the walls? He made it too easy for thoughts like that to creep in and loiter in the back of your mind.

Evening had begun to settle, the brightness of the midday sky fading away to a twinkling twilight blue over your heads. The music was quieter at the picnic tables by the tents, where festival-goers sought respite from the main stage crowds with a cold beverage and something greasy. Between mouthfuls of an early makeshift dinner, you and Jaehyun sat in your own bubble, comfortably falling into conversation about the performances throughout the day, or whatever else happened to be on your minds.

“Your mouth opens so wide,” you said, watching as he all but inhaled half the burger in one go. His nose scrunched up as he tried to take the massive bite, and the sight of it was such a far cry from his usual cool guy image that you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to snap a picture of it. The click of the shutter had him looking up at you mid-chew with a dismayed expression.

“That’s not fair. You attacked when I wasn’t ready!”

“I’d hardly call that an attack,” you said, not without a smile. “I was just getting a candid.”

He wiped his fingers on the napkin. “Okay, my turn then,” he said, gesturing for you to hand the camera over. You obliged, letting him point the lens at you and fiddle with the knobs along the top. His slender fingers navigated the controls with a practised ease.

“Relax,” he added softly, noticing your fidgeting. Twenty-something years, and you had made little progress in mastering the art of posing for photos. “Pretend the camera’s not here, and it’s just you and me.”

Right. Like that was supposed to make you loosen up.

“I actually used to be really into photography. Got pretty good at it too,” he said.

“Really? I don’t remember that.”

“Picked it up in uni,” he explained. “Had all this free time on my hands and didn’t know what to do with it. Besides drinking.” A pause. “Honestly, first year second semester was pretty rough after… you know.”

The last part caught you somewhat off-guard. After that fateful April night, you had always assumed Jaehyun was off living his best life, blowing through society events with the new friends he had made, maybe even letting a few of them warm his bed now that you weren’t around. It wouldn’t have been the biggest surprise. Even at nineteen, Jaehyun’s good looks were uncontested. His sweet and attentive personality was the cherry on top of an already delectable cake. Whatever he got up to when the sun set, you were none the wiser, having completely wiped his existence from your phone by the time your first semester exam period rolled around.

Though you didn’t go as far as to block his number, he never reached out, and so Jeong Jaehyun became a relic of the past, embracing his newfound freedom now that he had shed himself of you, his unwanted baggage.

Or so you thought.

“But yeah,” he continued, “I started getting into photography. Burnt a hole in my wallet trying out a bunch of different cameras,” he said with a chuckle. “I liked film the most though, I think. It’s the only one I still use now.”

“What do you like about it?”

He took a moment, pausing in thought. “The colours, mostly. How it’s a bit muted, it has that vintage feeling.” You hummed in agreement. “Selfies on a film camera are fun as well.”

“You must really like looking at yourself,” you teased, enjoying the sight of his ears flushing with colour from where they poked out above the camera.

“Not like that,” he said in reply to the raise of your eyebrows. “It’s more like… when you take a selfie on film, you can’t see yourself, right? Whether the focus is focusing, or if the angle is right.

“Or if your whole face is actually in the shot, not just your right eye.”

“Exactly. But then taking the picture anyway. That’s what I like.” He pulled away from the camera to flash you a small smile. “Isn’t it funny, the way we try so hard to capture moments of time?”

Jaehyun’s attention returned to the viewfinder, leaving you to quietly dwell on his words. How else could one keep a piece of time stored away if not through photos? And yet, photography would never be able to capture the entirety of a moment the way a memory could. The sound of the band’s bass guitar from the side stage in the adjacent garden. The smell of summer carried by the evening breeze as it ruffled through his hair.

The warm feeling in your chest as you sat across from him at this wooden picnic bench, surrounded by people, sharing wistful conversation and a basket of fries.

The feeling of coming home.

The shutter clicked.

“Got it. That last one is going to turn out so nice.” Jaehyun smiled triumphantly, cheeks dimpling. “If you make this your profile picture you have to add the ‘photo by’. I need my credits.”

You blinked away the precarious thoughts. “Alright, mister photographer man, give it back now. Don’t use up all my film before Lauv.”

He handed the camera back to you, looking very pleased with himself. The light from the nearby tents cast a dusky glow over his face. Jaehyun from Digital was sharp and polished. The Jaehyun before you now, with his hair dishevelled from taking off the cap earlier, was softer, more open, and more subtle in the way he had slipped under your defences and picked the locks chained around your heart.

The question now was whether you’d let him in further than you already had.

He tugged at his collar. “God, it’s still muggy at night, isn’t it?”

“You stay here, I’ll get us some more beers,” you said, already standing up.

If anything, you were grateful for the errand, a welcome distraction from the tumultuous battle between your heart and your head that always forged on at any thought of him. The line for the bar was no shorter than it had been half an hour ago, to nobody’s surprise (this was a festival in Seoul, of course the queues would be severe) and it was a while before the two cold plastic cups were in your hands.

The short time away from him had given you the space to steer your mindset back onto the charted platonic course. A little voice in the back of your mind objected, and was making a damn convincing argument about why you should be more inclined to go beyond plain friendship with Jaehyun, but you chose to ignore it, suppressing the nagging with a deep breath and a smile that you hoped looked less conflicted than how you felt. Beers in hand, you carefully made your way back to the picnic table — only to be met with a rather interesting sight.

Jaehyun was still where you had left him, thankfully. But the two girls that now stood around him were a new addition.

“Hey,” you greeted, tapping him on the shoulder to pass him one of the beers. The taller girl visibly deflated when he flashed you a grateful smile, taking the plastic cup from your hand. The shorter one, however, ran her eyes up and down your figure with an almost calculating gaze.

“Is this your friend?” the shorter one asked, question directed at Jaehyun.

“Uh, yeah, um—hi,” you answered very eloquently, introducing yourself. You tossed a glance between Jaehyun and the two girls. “Do you um—are you guys friends?”

“Well, no, not really. Minjeong and Jimin just came—”

“We were actually going to ask if you guys wanted to join us up closer to the main stage?” the shorter one (Minjeong perhaps?) asked, flashing a sweet smile you suspected was more for Jaehyun’s benefit than yours. “We have a blanket and a few chairs set up, so you can sit and watch the closing set. It’s much more comfortable than standing inside the barricade.”

“Jaehyun looked a little lonely by himself,” the taller one added.

Lonely because you left him for ten minutes to go get some cold drinks? These girls were unbelievable.

“What do you say? Want to join us?”

Maybe you should’ve taken the group of highschoolers on the subway earlier more seriously as a forewarning. Not that you had any say in what Jaehyun could and could not do — he was his own person, and the closest thing you had to a claim on him had disintegrated years ago. If he wanted to go hang out with pretty strangers, he could go and do exactly that, and you didn’t have to follow him either. The invitation had clearly been meant for him more than it had been for you.

So what if you had been looking forward to enjoying the last set together? You were a big girl. You could brave the main stage crowds by yourself if you had to.

Jaehyun glanced at you, searching your eyes while you tried your best to keep your face neutral and devoid of the uneasy thoughts bubbling away beneath your skin. He was his own person. He could make his own choices.

After a second or two, he seemed to find what he was looking for, and turned back to the two expectant girls with a polite smile. “We’ll take our chances with the pit,” he answered. “But thank you for the offer. That’s kind of you guys.”

The two girls made their exit shortly afterwards, but not without a final look at him, and a decidedly less enthusiastic one at you. It was quiet for a few moments, the two of you sipping on your beers without a word, waiting for the other to speak.

“You could have gone with them if you wanted to,” you finally mumbled, eyes fixed on the contents of your cup.

To your surprise, Jaehyun let out a soft chuckle. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m pretty sure Minjeong had an engagement ring on her finger.”

“Oh, what?”

You definitely had not noticed, too occupied by the saccharine looks she was throwing his way.

“Yeah. It was a pretty big diamond too. I think she must have forgotten to take it off today.”

You turned to look at him then. Jaehyun already had his eyes on you, sporting a lazy grin. “Come on, you can’t think I’m the type to mess around with married women?”

“That’s not what I—I didn’t know—”

“Don’t worry,” he interjected. “You’re still cute when you’re jealous.”

The quick heat rising to your face dispelled any of the remaining nonchalance in your expression. “I wasn’t—I’m not jealous,” you spluttered. “I was just worried—I mean, not worried,” you paused, sighing. “I thought you’d leave me.”

His eyes sought out yours, keeping them captive once they grabbed a hold.

“I wouldn’t leave you.”

The teasing brevity to his voice had disappeared. Somehow, you had the feeling he wasn’t simply talking about the jazz festival. The sincerity in his gaze made it hard to look away, but you had to, in the name of self preservation. Too long staring into those brown eyes was an unnecessary test of the upper limits of your heart rate.

“Maybe she came with her husband. He could be up there on that picnic mat, waiting for her.”

He laughed, throwing his head back. “Trust me, if her husband was here, she would not have been looking at me like that.”

To their credit though, finding a spot to watch the main stage proved to be rather difficult now that everyone had arrived to catch the final act. For a moment you considered leaving the pit to take the two girls up on their offer. But with Jaehyun by your side, you were able to navigate the crowds with a bit more peace of mind, his presence a solid and comforting anchor within the sea of people. A few rogue pushes here and there had you stumbling — and perhaps the two beers on a rather empty stomach were coming on faster than you had expected — but he was there, steadying you with a gentle hand around your arm, or the light press of his firm chest against your back.

And maybe you leaned into him for longer than necessary to regain your balance, but was that really a crime? To enjoy the touch of a friend? Was it a crime for warmth to pool in the pit of your stomach at the sight of him swaying along to Lauv’s Enemies?

No, the little voice in your head denied forcefully. Jaehyun grooving to the music had always been one of your weaknesses.

As the closing chords of Paris in the Rain sounded out across the venue, you pulled out your film camera.

“Walking down an empty street.”

A gentle nudge of Jaehyun’s shoulder had him turning towards you, nose scrunched in a happy half-laugh from watching the performance. You moved to face the back of the crowd and raised the camera high, pointing it towards the two of you.

Was the stage in the shot? Was Lauv?

Were you?

“Puddles underneath our feet.”

Call it courage, or liquid courage, or just plain recklessness on your part. Rising up on your tiptoes, you pressed your cheek to his, and clicked the shutter button.

The final chord of the song struck, softly, like an afterthought, and the crowd burst into appreciative hoots and applause, marking the end of the performance.

You were beaming as you turned back towards him. “Do you think I got that one?”

Jaehyun simply stared at you, lips parted and turned up slightly at the corners. He looked more caught off-guard than he had when you had told him you thought all the Cigarettes After Sex songs sounded the same. You felt the glowing smile on your face slip, little by little, as you let his eyes roam your features, gaze indecipherable. They flitted to your lips, and for a second you were sure you stopped breathing.

Just do it! Just fucking do it! screamed that little voice in the back of your mind.

And perhaps you would’ve done it too, whatever it was, if it weren’t for the shove from behind that sent you almost face-planting into his chest.

“What the hell?” you yelped, whipping your head around.

What was with the people here today? You never thought jazz lovers could be so aggressive and insensitive to others’ personal space. Trying to find the perpetrator was a futile task, since the crowd had started to disperse following the end of the performance, moving in all directions.

Jaehyun looked over you with concern, the earlier expression on his face now gone.

“Come on,” he finally said, fingers gently circling around your wrist. “Let’s get out of here before we get trampled by the crowd.”

Overhead, the blue-black sky that had been so cooperative for the whole day emitted a low rumble, as if to emphasise Jaehyun’s words. Sure enough, by the time the two of you arrived at the station, it had started to sprinkle. Perhaps the clouds had been holding back the rain until the very end of the festival. How considerate of them, you thought.

The ride back into the city felt shorter than the one to the venue, though it couldn’t have been. Saturday nights were even busier than the weekday rush hour, with people young and old out and about, ready to tame the weekend with sheer determination and a bottle of soju in the stomach. This time, there were no free seats in your carriage, but you didn’t mind. Standing with Jaehyun, your heads pressed together to go through the videos in his camera roll, made the time pass faster. There was something to his photos, you decided. Something in the angle, or the light, or the composition, that made them look nicer than the ones on your phone. Maybe you ought to take a photography course too.

The clouds may have been considerate enough for the festival to hold off dumping their contents during the day, but they certainly were not for the two of you tonight. Standing under cover at the subway station exit, you watched as the torrential deluge only seemed to worsen. Thunder cracked angrily through the air. It wasn’t July without the threat of flash flooding.

“Any drivers around?” Jaehyun asked.

You gave a sad shake of your head. “Nobody’s picking up my request. Must be because of the rain,” you muttered. Overhead, the sky split open with a strike of lightning, startling you, and you jumped back a bit, further into the covered area of the exit.

“How about the bus?”

“I think I just missed one,” you answered, checking the timetable on your phone. “It says the next isn’t for another twenty minutes. But with the rain, it might be delayed even longer.”

You flicked through the taxi app, then the bus timetable app, and then finally back to the weather app, which you always seemed to forget to check on days like this. Three consecutive 100% signs stared back at you, and you let out a sigh. The sky would not be clearing up anytime soon.

“My apartment is only two streets down, if you want somewhere to wait out the rain,” he said.

You looked up at him. The smile on his face was guileless, but at the same time, there was something guarded about it, like he was expecting your rejection. Perhaps you had studied his face for too long, because then he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and averting his eyes to the ground.

“Or you don’t have to, we could just—”

“Okay,” you said.

His head shot back up. “Okay?”

You shrugged, a smile finding its way to your lips. “I’d rather not be soaking wet on the bus.”

“Okay,” he repeated, corners of his mouth turning upwards to mirror yours. “To my place, then.”

The usual five minute walk to Jaehyun’s apartment from the subway station turned into a two-and-a-half minute mad dash under the downpour. Despite your attempts at keeping to storefront shelters and ducking under the cover of big trees, the short trip had ended up with the both of you drenched to the bone, teeth chattering as you dripped rainwater all over his lobby.

You said a silent apology to the building cleaners.

It was a relief to be dry again. Jaehyun’s sweats swamped you, the French terry fabric pooling around your feet as you sat on the couch in his living room. The top was no better, reaching almost to your knees, with the sleeves completely covering your fingertips. His clothes weren’t always this big on you. At least he still used the same pine-scented laundry detergent.

The sound of the running shower blended smoothly with the raindrops pelting violently against the balcony window. You wrung your hands, unsure of what to do while you waited for him to come out of the bathroom. It was easy to feel out of place in a home foreign to you. The sleek furniture and minimalist colour palette of the apartment looked nothing like Jaehyun’s childhood bedroom.

Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to come to his place. While you were pretty sure he hadn’t invited you up with any ulterior motives in mind, there was still something ambiguous about being in your ex-boyfriend’s home and wearing his clothes. And only his clothes.

You would have liked to keep your undergarments on, but they had also been soaked through. Going bare in these too-big sweats had seemed the less questionable option, compared to sitting with a wet patch around your butt and crotch. Heat flooded your face as you thought about your underwear and bra hanging on the heated towel rack in the bathroom.

Whatever. It wasn’t like they were things he’d never seen before. And as for his clothes, of course you’d wash them before giving them back to him.

It was then that you decided that you had enough of sitting around in a puddle of fabric and your own thoughts. Jaehyun’s living room wasn’t all that big, even if it felt roomier than your own, with enough space to fit a decently-sized couch and small coffee table. The tv on the far wall sat atop a rather large entertainment unit that, upon further inspection, also housed a record player and an impressive collection of vinyls.

You padded over, eyes flicking through the various titles printed on the covers. One of them had been taken out from the shelf and sat splayed on top of the cabinet. Maybe he had meant to play it, or just forgotten to put it away. Slowly, you let a finger trace around the edge of the jacket and over the black lettering of the title. You’d recognise that white album cover anywhere.

Only you knew how much effort it had taken to source the thing, scouring auction sites and dodgy online stores until you finally bit the bullet and ordered it from a reasonable-looking seller with a 4.7 star rating. But it had all been worth it. The unadulterated joy on Jaehyun’s face as he undid the wrapping paper to reveal Frank Ocean’s Blonde was not something you could easily forget. Later, you found out that it had probably been a bootleg, since the official Blonde vinyls were a limited release, but he had hardly batted an eye when you broke the news.

“Still my favourite birthday present that anyone’s gotten me,” Jaehyun said.

Dressed in a plain white tee and a pair of grey sweatpants, he leant against the bathroom door, surveying you with an easy smile. You must not have heard the shower turn off, the noise drowned out by the storm raging outside. His hair, still damp from the shower, hung over his eyes, and you watched as he brushed it back with his right hand, arm flexing with the movement.

The sudden flare in your lower belly was something you’d rather not feel, alone in these four walls with him, with nobody else around to witness or put a stop to whatever might follow. You’d like to think self control was something you had a firm grip on, but it seemed Jaehyun was made to put you to the test.

“Actually think it might be my favourite present ever,” he added, pushing off the door frame. He reached you in a few strides, maintaining a polite distance between your bodies.

“I didn’t even realise you still had this,” you murmured, letting him take the record from your hands. You tried not to flinch at the brush of his fingers against yours. “You didn’t even have one of these back then,” you said, lightly tapping the case of the record player.

“I changed my mind, actually. The turntable is my favourite present.”

An unfamiliar twinge of dread zipped through you. “Who gave it to you?”

Could it be an ex-lover’s gift sitting on display in his living room? That did not sit nicely in your stomach.

“Myself.”

He was holding back a laugh, eyes squeezed into crescent moons and too busy appreciating his own joke to catch the quick roll of your eyes. Instantly, your chest felt a little lighter, and the dread vanished as quickly as it had come on.

“Here, let me put it on,” he said, shuffling over towards you to lift up the case on the record player. With gentle fingers and a delicateness you didn’t see often, he unsleeved the record and carefully placed it on the turntable. A few fiddles with the side knobs and a precise adjustment of the needle arm later, the opening bars of Frank Ocean’s Pink and White filled the air of his living room.

For a minute, there were no words exchanged, the two of you simply content to enjoy the music as it filtered through the speakers. There was a quiet smile on Jaehyun’s face. You wondered if he, like you, was thinking of the last time you had listened to this album together.

The image of the two of you, sprawled out on his bed, sharing a pair of wired earphones, was hard to shake. It had been early evening, or nearly twilight. Sometime before sunset. The reflection on the ceiling of his childhood bedroom had changed along with the sky, until the only light left in the room was the dim blue glow from the laptop on his desk. At his mother’s call for dinner, he had gently shaken you awake, fingers light on your shoulder and against your cheek.

Jaehyun was undoubtedly handsome in the light. But there was something about dusk and the softness of the shadows on his face that made him all the more compelling. You usually weren’t one to initiate, so the kiss you pressed to his mouth in the barely-lit room had surprised you both.

Even now, the thought strangely sent a flood of heat to your cheeks.

“Sorry, did you want something to eat? I haven’t been a very good host.”

The grumble of your stomach answered before you could. You bit back an embarrassed smile, but Jaehyun was not so frugal with his amusement, letting out a short chuckle. Your feet followed him as he made his way to the kitchen. Perched on the marble countertop, you watched as he rummaged through the fridge.

“I have eggs, yesterday’s leftovers, and a shit ton of beer cans,” he announced.

You exchanged a glance.

“Let’s do ramen, actually. That sounds better.” He bent down to dig through the pantry, pulling out two red packets, before moving back to the fridge and getting two eggs. “I can crack these in too, and—why are you looking at me like that?”

It was your turn to laugh, the wide grin on your face a contrast to the cautious smile on his.

“Are we having ramen?”

His brow creased a little. “I thought you liked ramen?” The innocent tilt of his head made him all the more endearing to look at.

“I do, but… did you really invite me back to your place… to have ramen?”

It took a few seconds for the ball to drop. You held back giggles as his ears flushed hotly, as they always seemed to do on the occasions you decided to indulge yourself and tease him.

“Come on, that’s not—you’re doing it on purpose,” he said, bottom lip jutting out with the suggestion of a pout. Despite his grumbles, the shape of his mouth slowly settled into a defeated smile at your visible glee of having flustered him.

Jaehyun, soft-spoken and easy-going, was not the type to be easily ruffled. You excelled and enjoyed the challenge of it more than most.

“No,” he said once your laughter had somewhat subsided, voice low and velvety. “But I wouldn’t be opposed.”

And suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore.

The silence that followed was a loud one. It was hard to ignore the way your mouth dried up at his words. Something warm and tingly spread from your stomach all the way down to your toes as you stood there under his level gaze, eyes drawn to his like magnets. He had to know. The effect his words had on you were surely plastered all over your face, obvious in the tight grip of your fingers against the countertop and the shortening of your breaths.

Jaehyun leaned in a little closer and you felt the inhale stick in the back of your throat. Then he cracked a crooked smile, pretty teeth all on display.

“Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”

He moved away then, busying himself with pouring water into a pot and bringing it to a boil while you tried to blink yourself out of the daze. “Ramen okay?” he asked over his shoulder.

You cleared your dry throat, somehow finding your voice again. “Ramen is fine. Thank you,” you added after a beat. You took a deep breath, waiting for the rush of blood to drain from your face.

Something sour settled in your chest — something akin to disappointment, though surely it couldn’t be. Disappointed that what? Jaehyun wasn’t actually sexually attracted to you? When you were obviously still attracted to him, despite all your attempts at convincing yourself you weren’t?

You scoffed to yourself. As if.

A quick shake of your head was almost enough to clear your mind, save for the remnants of that sour feeling that lingered. You asked if there was anything you could do to help, not wanting to simply sit around on your thumbs and wait to be fed. He had insisted you do exactly that, warning you there was only enough space in the kitchen for one, and assuring that there was nothing he needed from you besides patience and faith in his cooking.

Patience you could give him. Faith was a little harder to muster, given your memories of the kitchen disaster from when he had tried to make okonomiyaki.

The questionable, half-burnt half-uncooked taste was one thing. You finding random pieces of cabbage on the tiled floor for days afterwards was another thing entirely.

However, it seemed Jaehyun had improved from his old ways. The steaming pot he brought over to the coffee table not only smelled delicious, but looked the part too. You helped carry over the small bowls and chopsticks, along with two cans of beer, despite his requests for you to just sit and be ready to eat.

You took the first bite, blowing on the noodles to cool them down before slurping them into your mouth. All the while, he watched you, an expectant expression painting his face.

“Wow. You’ve grown up, Jeong Jaehyun. Who would’ve guessed you’d become such a whiz in the kitchen?”

He smiled, a bashful one at your compliment. “Being able to cook ramen is nothing impressive,” he said, digging in with his own chopsticks.

“There was no way you could have made this for me when we were 17. Look at this egg!” The centre was perfectly soft, not too runny, but not rock hard either. Just the way you liked them.

You took another mouthful. “You’re a changed man,” you said. “Honestly, your place is a lot cleaner than I expected it to be.”

“That’s what living with four other guys will do to you. I had to learn how to clean out of pure survival,” he chuckled.

“Was it really that bad?”

He grimaced. “You should’ve seen my dorm room. Basically a biological hazard.”

“They didn’t let non-students into the building. Your building RA was crazy scary, remember?” Even now you could remember the perpetual scowl of the law major when Jaehyun brought you into the dorm lobby.

“It was probably for the best. You would’ve broken up with me on the spot the second you walked through the door.”

You shared a laugh. Strangely, jokes about your break-up were light-hearted in their landing, the words leaving much less of a prickly uncomfortableness than you had been expecting. Perhaps it was still an event of importance in your life, but that cloudy unpleasantness you had come to associate it with had dissipated. It was a turning point, certainly. But so was graduation, and moving out, and travelling overseas for the first time.

Your feelings about those things weren’t all bad. As you shared the pot of ramen and sipped on your beers, you realised, neither were your feelings about Jaehyun.

“I’m telling you, I was drinking Taeyong under the table. And I do mean that literally. He was passed out and laid across the stools.” He grinned, proud at the memory of beating his senior even five years later. You couldn’t help but grin too, amused by the sincerity of his expression and the way his shoulders set in accomplishment.

“Okay, okay. So now you’re a better drinker, you’ve gotten good at cooking, and you’re cleaner too.”

“And funnier,” he added.

“That one is still up for debate,” you joked, and his eyebrows furrowed together in mock offence. Digs at his sense of humour were not taken lightly.

“Just because you don’t get my high quality gags,” he sighed, shaking his head. “You’re missing out.”

You nodded, making a noise of agreement if only to appease him.

“What about me? How am I different?” you asked, voice curious.

Jaehyun didn’t miss a beat. “Hmm, I think you got older?”

“Come on, I’m being serious!”

His laughter subdued then, surveying you thoughtfully. A quiet smile tugged at his lips when he spoke again.

“You’re more outspoken than you used to be.” He paused, taking a sip from his can while trying to find the right words, all the while keeping his eyes on you. “You prioritise yourself more. And you’re more sure of who you are. You shine brighter, I think.”

Strange, how a person’s gaze could strip you down and make you feel so naked. There was nothing but earnestness in his eyes, plain and absolute, and the intensity of it was almost too much for you to bear. After all your time apart, Jaehyun could still see you, and see through you.

I think you still know me inside out, and that scares me, you wanted to tell him.

Instead, you looked away first, tearing your eyes away from his with considerable effort. The pot of ramen on the coffee table, lukewarm now, was almost finished. The music had also stopped playing a while ago. Neither you or Jaehyun had bothered to get up and flip the vinyl to the other side, too busy eating. All that was left was the rain, and even that had faded to a soft pattering against the glass, following its own rhythm.

Hastily, you stuffed a piece of kimchi into your mouth, for lack of anything better to do. The crunch of it in your mouth was loud, and you fought back a cringe.

“Did your mother make this?” you asked, hoping your attempt at diverting the conversation wasn’t so obvious.

If Jaehyun noticed, he didn’t show it, only nodding in confirmation.

“She dropped some off last month,” he replied. “Remember how you told me her’s was better than your own mother’s?”

You let out a scandalised gasp. “As if I would ever say such a thing! Don’t let my mother ever hear something so blasphemous about her favourite daughter.”

“You’re her only daughter.”

“And you care too much about technicalities. Just because I’m the only one doesn’t mean I can’t still be the favourite.”

The crisp crunch of another piece of kimchi punctuated the end of your sentence. There was certainly something different about Mama Jeong’s recipes. If there was one thing you missed besides Jaehyun himself, it would have been his mother’s cooking. The woman knew her way around a stovetop better than a Michelin chef, at least in your eyes.

You thought of her warm smile, and her even warmer embrace. Jaehyun had inherited many things from her, kindness being the greatest of them. Back then, she had been so sure of your future place in their family, welcoming you into her home as if you were her own daughter. You wondered where she stood on that now.

Still clinging onto that idea, perhaps, or were her sights now set on someone else?

“You’ve got something…” Jaehyun murmured.

He reached across the table, over the pot and the small bowls, the movement quick and almost instinctive. Soft fingers found purchase on your left cheek. His thumb was gentle as it brushed away the stray chilli flake from the corner of your mouth.

Just the lightest touch against your bottom lip. And the warmth of his hand cradling your face.

Then he froze, as if to catch himself, but the damage was already done.

Jaehyun pulled his hand back with a start, an inscrutable expression across his face. He spilled a quick apology that you smiled away, putting on a composed front. At least, you assumed it was an apology. It was hard to hear anything above the buzzing chaos of your mind. The air filled with idle noise as the two of you shuffled in your seats.

“I should um—I should probably get going,” you mumbled, avoiding his eyes. The meal had long been finished. Your hands were already beginning to gather up the bowls and utensils into a stack for easy carrying.

Jaehyun hummed, something akin to resignation in the noise. “Yeah, uh… I guess so.”

“Let me help you clean up first, and then I’ll be on my way.”

Despite his protests against you assisting with any kind of housework, there you were at the sink, helping him scrub everything nice and clean within the small space of his kitchen. Maybe he was right about there only being enough space for one person behind the counter. The aluminium beer cans went into their designated bins, and you made sure to wipe down the coffee table too.

This time, your half-damp, half-dried clothes found their way into a Byredo shopping bag — Jaehyun would rather die than not smell good — though your shoes still squelched rather uncomfortably when you slipped your bare feet in. By luck, you were able to book a taxi and could pass on the wet walk to the bus stop.

You thanked him again for bringing you along, noting that you probably got more out of the alleged ‘favour’ than he did.

“Trust me, going with you made the whole thing so much better,” he said, both cheeks dimpling in your favourite smile of his. “And let me know if you need to get the film on your camera developed. I know a place.”

The ride home was flavoured by a sudden loneliness. Maybe it was the view of the city at night, or the absence of people out on the rainy streets, that had an empty feeling settle in your chest.

Perhaps you should have delayed leaving his apartment. Perhaps you shouldn’t have left at all, and instead weathered the night away with Jaehyun on the couch, some slasher flick playing on the television while you shook under the blankets and tried not to scream at the jumpscares, like you used to. You never did understand why he liked horror films as much as he did.

Perhaps he’d slot his fingers between your own and give them a reassuring squeeze, and gaze at you with the kind of amused fondness he only ever reserved for you.

Heat flooded your face. As if you were entertaining the thought of spending the night at your ex-boyfriend’s place. And getting butterflies at the thought of holding hands?

How embarrassing.

One thing was for certain. The walls you had put up were cracking, and there seemed to be little hope of patching them up.

“Will you stop messing with that thing?”

Jungwoo clicked his tongue against his teeth, fingers still fiddling with the ribbon on the gift bag.

“It’s not straight,” he grumbled, pulling at the bow.

“You’re so pedantic.”

“It’s called being detail-oriented,” he fired back, leaning against the backseat of the taxi with a sigh.

You raised an eyebrow. “You say that like I’m not.”

“Well,” he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. His mouth formed the shape of a smirk.

You flicked a glance towards the rearview mirror, checking to see if the driver was paying attention to the two of you in the back. After verifying he was not, you landed a few (soft…ish) punches on Jungwoo’s upper arm, revelling in the shocked little noises he made, along with a few mumbles of ‘that actually hurts’ and ‘crazy woman’.

How nice it was to let your hands fly without the threat of some other fifth floor witness reporting you for physical harassment.

“I’m telling Joy the present is entirely from me,” you warned, turning around to face the front again.

“Right, except the card inside says my name too. So that’s not going to work.”

You reached into the gift bag, pulling out said card before rolling down the window. “Let me just throw this out.”

It was Jungwoo’s turn to deliver a light smack to your wrist. You dropped the envelope back in the bag, not without tossing an eye-roll his way. He knew just as well as you did that there was no real substance behind the threats — banter with Jungwoo was more for amusement than anything else. Deep down, you were quite fond of him, even if your actions tended to say otherwise, and you’d like to wager he quite enjoyed your company too.

You couldn’t wait to get a few shots in him later tonight. Word had it he was a notorious lightweight.

“Hopefully nobody vomits. I’d hate to be cleaning that up in my own house.” He shuddered at the thought.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that,” you smiled sweetly, patting him on the shoulder. “You just focus on sticking to your limit, okay? I heard what happened at last year’s wrap up event.”

He bristled. “Nothing happened! It honestly wasn’t even that bad. I’m getting unfairly slandered,” he sulked. “I think you should stop hanging out with Joy so much.”

“Yeah, alright. Should we just skip her birthday party and turn the car around then?”

“Shut up.”

The taxi pulled up in front of Joy’s apartment complex, a tall modern thing with much bigger windows than your own building. And so much more glass, too. After splitting the taxi fare with Jungwoo, the two of you stood at the entrance, waiting for the intercom to connect.

“Are you sure you pressed the right buttons?” Jungwoo asked, peering over your shoulder.

“Yes, of course. Apartment 814.”

“Maybe you should let me try.”

You let out a sigh. “It’s three numbers, Jungwoo. How is it going to be any different if it’s you pressing them instead of me? Do you think the keypad is going to magically—”

“Hello?”

An unfamiliar male voice crackled through the intercom. “Are you here for Joy?”

“Yes,” you and Jungwoo answered in unison.

“Great, I’ll come down to get you guys now. Will only be a minute!” and then the line disconnected.

You and Jungwoo exchanged a glance. “Is he going to let us in?” you asked.

“He literally said he’d come down to get us,” he answered flatly. “Do you not listen?”

“It was hard to hear him clearly with all the noise in the background,” you grumbled in defence. Hopefully Joy’s walls were thicker than your own, and her neighbours would not lodge a complaint halfway through the night.

The elevator doors slid open to reveal the face of the intercom answerer. It wasn’t detective work to match up the real thing to the pictures Joy would sometimes show you, though he looked taller in real life than he did in the photos from their weekend Jeju trip.

“Sorry about the wait, it was a bit hard to hear the doorbell,” he greeted, ushering you both inside with a warm smile. “I’m Doyoung, by the way.”

You and Jungwoo both introduced yourselves as you stepped into the elevator after him, to which he responded with a hum in recognition, and a knowing grin.

“Are you on door duty for the night?” Jungwoo asked.

Doyoung nodded, pressing on the button for the eighth floor. “It appears I am. She has her hands full with guests to entertain, so,” he trailed off, eyes glazing over for a split second, “you’ll see what I mean when we get up there.”

You had never imagined that a 2-bedroom apartment could fit so many people. Granted, it was nothing compared to the kind of parties you frequented during your university days where cheap spirits and green soju bottles lined the counter, but it was quite a distant cry from the gathering you thought it would be. Judging by the look on Jungwoo’s face, he had not been expecting this either.

There had to be at least forty people. It almost made you wonder why she didn��t just book out a space instead of letting everyone invade her and her boyfriend’s shared home.

Doyoung made his exit rather quickly after letting you in, probably off to tend to one of his many other duties as unofficial host — poor guy was likely in for a very busy night — leaving you and Jungwoo to fend for yourselves in the entryway of the apartment. There was barely any room left in the tiled space for you to put your shoes.

How did Joy even know this many people? was the thought at the forefront of your mind as you helped Jungwoo stack his sneakers next to yours on a rack further down the hallway. Her present was left on a table near the entry piled with gift bags and wrapped boxes that you assumed was the designated drop-off area.

Speaking of the birthday girl, you spotted her mingling in the living room and pointed her out to Jungwoo, though it was no easy feat finding her. The number of people, coupled with the dim ambient lighting, made it a challenge to recognise familiar faces. Joy, champagne glass in hand, was swept away in conversation with one of the most beautiful women you had ever laid eyes on. The gorgeous lady held a matching champagne flute in one hand, while the other was wrapped around the arm of—

“Junmyeon? What the hell is he doing here with that beautiful woman?”

Jungwoo took the words right out of your mouth, a somewhat displeased noise making its way past his lips. You couldn’t help but echo the sentiment.

“Can’t believe this turned into a work function the moment we stepped through the door,” you all but groaned. “And here I thought having you around was bad enough already.”

You expertly dodged the elbow he jabbed into your side.

Joy spotted the two of you then, lingering by the kitchen, and quickly excused herself from the conversation to rush over. The champagne wobbled precariously in her glass as she approached, engulfing the two of you in a sweet-smelling hug.

“My little children! I’m so glad you could make it!” she cried, resting her chin in the space between your shoulder and Jungwoo’s. You exchanged a glance with the boy amidst the chorus of ‘happy birthday’s.

There was a 77% chance she was drunk already.

“Had a little too much fun tonight?” you asked, helping to prop her upright again.

Joy only beamed in response. “All the more fun now that you two are here. My favourite fifth floor prisoners.” She gave your cheek a soft pinch.

“Quick question,” Jungwoo began, “why is our manager in your house?”

“With his arm around a beautiful woman way out of his league?” you added, swatting her fingers away from your face.

“That’s my sister Irene,” she said, like it was common knowledge.

You raised an eyebrow. “Since when did you have a sister?”

“Okay, well not my real sister,” she amended, hurriedly waving off your words. “She was a senior in my department. I was really close with her back in university, so, basically my sister. I think we look pretty alike, honestly.”

“And her relation to Junmyeon is…?”

Joy threw a conspiratorial glance around before leaning in, beckoning the two of you closer. This time, a few drops of the champagne did manage to escape via the side of her glass, narrowly missing Jungwoo’s white socks.

“I set them up. On a date!” she whispered, eyes glinting with pride. Why she chose to whisper when it was already hard enough to hear her above the noise at her normal speaking level was beyond you.

You blinked at her a few times. “You set up a goddess like that… with our manager?”

Joy waved another hand dismissively. “Oh, please. Like Junmyeon’s not handsome too. You only think that because you’re too used to seeing him frown and squint at a monitor.”

You cast a glance in his direction. Maybe she was right. Junmyeon did look somewhat more like a human without his glasses and the semi-permanent lines etched into his forehead. He even looked (dare you say it) quite nice. But maybe it was the poor lighting that made it seem that way.

“Anyways, it’s been about… two months now? I think they look pretty good together,” she mused, following your gaze.

Junmyeon must have said something funny — a rather loose use of the word by your standards — because Irene had her lovely face scrunched up in a laugh, the pitched sound of it ringing out clearly above the noise of the apartment. In her amusement, she even threw a hand out to slap him lightly on the arm, which he appeared very pleased by.

Sure, you laughed at his jokes too, but it was more out of corporate self-preservation than actual amusement.

“He kind of has been in a better mood recently,” Jungwoo said thoughtfully.

Joy grabbed his hand with fervour. “Yes, exactly! See? Thanks to my sacrifice, we can all enjoy a nicer, much more pleasant office environment.”

“I’d hardly call that a sacrifice,” you chuckled. “You take too much pleasure in playing matchmaker.” Joy’s response was nothing more than a guilty smile, followed by her emptying the rest of the glass.

It was then that you heard it — the deep, reverberating laugh that always bordered a little bit on breathlessness. It was slightly unnerving how quickly you could pinpoint the sound of his voice without even seeing him, or knowing that he had entered the room.

You turned around first, eyes drawn to the entry hallway in search of the face to which the laugh belonged. Of course he was going to be here. You knew that. He had said as much two days ago, bidding you farewell across the cafeteria table with a promise to ‘see you on the weekend at Joy’s’.

Lunch with Jaehyun had recently become a rarer occurrence. From what he told you, and the bits of information you gleaned from Joy about Digital, Johnny had pulled Jaehyun onto his team to try and get a firmer grip on the reins not even two weeks ago. Already, the intensity of the new workload was obvious.

You certainly saw him less, much to your disappointment — you could admit that to yourself now.

Jaehyun emerged from the hallway then, midway through another laugh with an arm slung around Doyoung’s shoulders. Funny, how all the other faces were so murky and hard to identify under the dim lighting. And yet, the shape of his dimpled smile was unmistakable to you, as bright as the beacon of a lighthouse on the midnight sea.

Doyoung scanned the room, catching sight of Joy with you and Jungwoo. He gestured at his girlfriend, and Jaehyun obediently turned in your direction, likely wanting to give his greetings to the birthday girl.

Your eyes locked, and your heart gave a woeful little squeeze in your chest.

“I’m just going to do a quick check on the drink inventory,” Doyoung said as they approached, “I’ll be right back. And please take care of my favourite guest.” With a final friendly pat on Jaehyun’s shoulder, he was off, ducking into the kitchen.

“Happy birthday!” Jaehyun beamed, arms circling around Joy in a hug which she enthusiastically returned. He grabbed Jungwoo’s hand, pulling him in for one of those man greetings. (Since when were they close?) Their apparent friendship was an unexpected development.

And then it was your turn. You wondered if it was as easy for others to find solace in a mere gaze as you did with Jaehyun. His eyes did not stray far, wandering around your face, something tender and comforting in his appraisal of your features. A hand came up to brush against your lower back, a gentle and quiet greeting against the excitement of the previous two. His lips pulled into a soft smile as he called your name in greeting.

“You two are ridiculous,” Joy scoffed.

You inhaled sharply. Was it really that easy to tell? The depth of your attachment?

“You planned this, right? I mean seriously, matching outfits?” she asked, gesturing at you and Jaehyun.

You blinked a few times, looking down blankly at yourself. The dark wash denim and white silk that you had picked out yesterday looked back at you familiarly. Then you glanced at Jaehyun, taking in his white t-shirt, half tucked into a pair of jeans that were exactly the same wash as yours.

The coordination was completely unintentional — you had no idea what you were going to wear tonight the last time you had spoken to him — but the look on Joy’s face told you there was no use in trying to convince her of the truth.

(You would’ve argued that the cowl neck of your white silk top elevated your outfit above Jaehyun’s plain white tee, but you digressed.)

“Okay. I’m done with this,” Jungwoo said, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I’m going to do what single people do, and that is to get a goddamn drink.”

“Me too, another bubbly,” Joy chimed, grasping onto Jungwoo’s arm as he turned to leave for the kitchen. “See my success rate? Let me set you up with someone. My hairdresser’s daughter went to Korea University Business School and graduated not too long ago.”

The rest of her appeal to play matchmaker for Jungwoo was swallowed up by the music and chatter of her guests. And then it was just you, and Jaehyun, and the thirty other people filling up the living room.

The two of you shared a glance before dissolving into a few light giggles.

“I do think I pull it off better,” you teased, giving Jaehyun another once-over. He was as handsome as always, the white cotton draped picturesquely across his lean frame while the dark jeans made his mile-long legs look even longer. He could wear a garbage bag and make it look couture.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he said with a crooked smile.

He raised his arm to reveal the denim jacket draped across his arm that you hadn’t noticed before, too busy making sad little googly eyes at him that you hoped other people couldn’t see. The jacket was coloured in the same wash as his jeans, and your own.

You gave a scandalised gasp. “No, a matching set? How am I supposed to beat that?”

“You can’t. You can only admit defeat to the double denim. I out-Justin-Timberlaked you.”

“Justin Timberlake is not a verb.”

He only grinned in response, teeth pearly and eyes sparkling as he took in the slight pout of your mouth.

“Whatever,” you conceded with a wave of your hand, though a smile crept its way onto your face. “You win. Let’s get something to drink.”

Jungwoo and Joy were nowhere to be found when the two of you made your way to the kitchen. What you did find was an impressive selection of bottles atop the marble counter, a selection that easily outdid the ones from your university days in both quality and variety.

At least one thing was the same. Green soju bottles were always a dependable presence.

“Shall we go for your favourite?” Jaehyun asked, holding up what looked to be a bottle of wine. You moved a little closer, peering at the label through his fingers.

“I do enjoy a good red,” you replied, accepting the glass he offered you with a quiet ‘thank you’. You took a small sip — because tonight, you felt no need to gulp down alcohol like a camel to ease your nerves — before adding, “Merlot is far from my favourite though.”

“Really?’ He raised an eyebrow. “I do seem to remember how you pretty much finished a whole bottle by yourself. At dinner, that time at the Italian place.”

You held back a wince at the recollection of that fated blind date. Of course he’d remember that. It would be hard to forget the way you all but sculled down three full glasses in the time it took him to finish one. A quick sideways glance revealed the slight upturn to the corners of his mouth, paired with a telling glint in his eyes. Jaehyun was teasing.

“It was honestly quite impressive,” he said, lips curling into a full-blown smile now.

“That was different,” you said. The next sip went down a little faster than you would have liked. “That was out of necessity.”

There was no way I could’ve made it through that night without alcohol in my system, you almost said, but caught yourself just in time.

A few seconds passed before either of you spoke again.

“Were you really upset to see me?”

Gone was the playful lilt to his voice. This question was asked softly, carefully, the sound of it so delicate you were afraid it would shatter in the air at your clumsy reply. Slowly, you turned to look at him, seeking the reassurance you were sure you could find in his eyes, but they had moved to the contents of his own glass. You followed their path, watching as he gave the liquid a few absent-minded swirls.

“Maybe. A little, I think,” you admitted. “I don’t know. There was a lot going on in my head that day. When I realised it was you.”

A pair of giggling women — Joy’s guests who you didn’t know — approached the counter, one of them tentatively reaching for something in front of you. Noticing her struggle, you shuffled slightly towards Jaehyun, trying to make some space around the counter. The one with her hand outstretched flashed you a grateful smile, which you politely returned, although with far less vigour.

Perhaps the bustling kitchen in the centre of all the foot traffic wasn’t the best place for a conversation like this.

There was some fussing with the bottle cap, or whatever it was that they couldn’t quite get to work, followed by a considerably clean pour for two people who were clearly not quite sober. Then they were gone, giggling the entire way out of the kitchen and freeing up the space around you.

If you wanted to, you could have stepped back and returned to your original spot before their arrival. Put some more distance between you and Jaehyun again. Not that you were seriously encroaching on his personal space, but it was enough for you to recognise the proximity.

Instead, you took the smallest of steps closer and placed a hand on his forearm. His eyes flitted down at the touch, taking in the way your fingers lay feather-light on his skin, just above the ridge of his wrist.

“I’m glad it was you,” you said. The words were true, but the honesty of them still tasted odd on your tongue, and you fought back a cringe. Jaehyun finally turned to meet your eyes, some semblance of hope, or maybe it was relief that coloured his expression. “And I’m glad we��re here, now,” you added.

You hoped he knew you weren’t talking about the far right corner of Joy’s kitchen.

Jaehyun smiled, and it was like the sun had finally risen up over the stark mountain peak, bathing everything in a warm, golden glow. It was the kind of warmth you didn’t realise you craved until the full force of it spilled over you, washing away the blue and the cold.

“Me too,” he said softly.

Even if you hadn’t fallen victim to Joy’s schemes, you would like to think the two of you would still end up here, only via longer and slightly different routes. Perhaps an unexpected run-in in the lobby on a Tuesday morning, or the eventual and excruciatingly awkward introduction through Joy. Whatever it may have been, you’d like to think you would’ve found your way to each other again eventually.

Curiosity tickled your mind. “What about you?”

“Hmm?”

He was still smiling, the lines by his nose just visible, and he had his eyes on you, though there was a faraway look about them. Something about his gaze reminded you of the way you’d regard a painting, framed and hung up on a wall in some art museum — carefully examining the details of the brushstrokes against the canvas, yet all the while trying to hold the whole piece in your mind’s eye, and let it touch the surface of that primal emotion somewhere inside of you. The depth of his gaze was enough to make you self-conscious, and you quickly averted your eyes, taking another sip from your glass. It was a good excuse to school your features before you spoke again.

“How did you feel when you saw me? Were you upset?”

Jaehyun regarded his own glass wistfully. “Not exactly upset, no,” he began, though a movement in his peripheral had him trailing off.

Another of Joy’s guests had appeared, hovering beside the two of you with his eyes set on the bottle of whiskey directly in front of you. Politely, Jaehyun side-stepped away from the counter and wrapped a gentle hand around the bend of your elbow, guiding you out of the hectic buzz of the kitchen. It stayed there, warm and comforting, until you found your way back to the open space of the living room, and even then he was slow to let you go, fingertips lingering a just second too long before they retreated back to his side.

“I think I was surprised, more than anything,” he continued. “Didn’t really know what to expect, not that I was expecting much. I never even thought I’d get to see you again after university. Thought you were gone for good.”

He paused, one side of his mouth quirking up slightly. The movement was small, and you wondered if you were supposed to have caught it at all.

“You stood there, with your bag in one hand and your cardigan in the other, looking like you were waiting for me to spontaneously combust—”

“Okay, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“—and all I could think about was how you were even prettier than I remembered. And back then I already thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

At that, you were quiet. Whatever silly rebuttal or attempt to defend yourself died quickly on your tongue as you let his confession settle beneath your skin, warming it from the inside out. Jaehyun was not even one bit fazed, looking like he had just said something trivial about the weather, or stated some objective fact like ‘grass is green’. For him, honesty had never been the heavy, cumbersome challenge it was for you. Judging by the resigned smile on his face, he wasn’t expecting some grand response from you either, which was all the better, because god, what were you supposed to say to something like that?

“Oh, there you are,” came a voice from behind you, followed by a hand on your shoulder.

Joy’s timing was impeccable, as always.

“Sorry, this one is coming with me,” she said to Jaehyun, looping her arm around yours with half-drunken determination. “Us fifth-floors have some business to settle. With darts.”

Your eyes followed the direction of her outstretched arm, where sure enough, there was a dartboard hanging on the wall by the balcony. Jungwoo was there, standing obediently with his hands crossed in front of his stomach as he politely nodded along to whatever Junmyeon was animatedly saying. The beer bottle Jungwoo cradled, now forgotten, seemed more like an accessory than an actual beverage. He caught your eye and sent you a frantic look.

You whipped your head back to Jaehyun. “Please don’t let her take me.”

Surely, he could see the pleading, the desperation in your eyes.

Jaehyun, having witnessed the whole exchange between you and Jungwoo, only grinned. “It does sound like some serious business,” he said, cheeks dimpling. Joy made a noise of agreement and gave your arm a little tug.

“You’re more than welcome to come and spectate, Jaehyun,” she called out over her shoulder as she herded you towards her destination. His only response was a hearty laugh. You stared at him in despair as you were towed away by the birthday girl. Next time you’d invite his boss to the function.

The game of darts (or seven games, if you were being precise) was decidedly less awful than you had expected. Junmyeon had promised not to speak about work and by some miracle, actually stuck to his word. Maybe you even got to know the guy a little better, outside of his office habits like the specific order in which he drank his three teas everyday (yuja, then chamomile, and lastly peppermint). Like you, he was somewhat of a wine enthusiast, though his knowledge of French vineyards was far superior to yours.

By the third round, the game had clearly left your little work circle. Jaehyun joined in at one point, competitiveness getting the better of him. Doyoung tried his hand too, and he was honestly abysmal, but smiled the whole time and seemed to be enjoying himself, even if he had to pick the darts off the floor on every turn. Out of all the players over the course of the seven games, Junmyeon’s date Irene had been the most unexpected hidden card, scoring three bullseyes in a row.

Oh, to be a goddess and have perfect hand-eye coordination.

“You feeling okay?” you asked a rather blank-looking Jungwoo. His eyes were beginning to droop, and so was the rest of his body, long limbs sprawled out against the leather. You could swear he only had his initial bottle of beer and the two celebratory soju shots Joy had forced him to take (from which you were not exempt either), and yet here he was, half-asleep on the couch.

“Hmm,” was his eloquent reply.

The party was slowly drawing to a close, the living room much emptier now than it had been when you first walked in. Junmyeon and Irene had made their departure some twenty minutes ago, and there were only a handful of guests left, most of them getting ready to leave as well. Grown adults didn’t gamble with their sleep schedules.

Doyoung emerged from the hallway, running a hand through the mess of hair on top of his head, already tousled from the fifty or so times he had repeated the action throughout the night.

“Okay, she’s knocked out,” he sighed. On his face, you glimpsed the first sign of relief you had seen all night. “I don’t think she’s going to puke, but I left a bucket by the bed just in case.”

You flashed him a grateful smile. “Thank you for tonight. I can’t imagine it was easy having to wrangle all these people for so long.”

“Oh, it’s no big deal. As long as Joy’s happy and had a good time.”

Even though he was clearly exhausted, Doyoung smiled, and the fondness held within it felt like a private thing you shouldn’t have witnessed. Your mind went, now as it always did, to a certain dimpled smile.

“I’d better get this one home,” you said instead, gesturing at Jungwoo slumped on the couch. You turned towards the boy, patting his shoulder gently. “Come on, time to go.”

“Mmffh.”

Another brilliant and enlightening response.

The owner of your favourite dimpled smile stepped out from the bathroom to the sight of you struggling to get Jungwoo upright enough to loop an arm around your shoulders. The half-asleep boy was lean, but definitely heavier than he looked, or perhaps the few glasses of wine over the course of the night had sapped some of the strength from your body. Jaehyun was at your side in an instant, shouldering most of Jungwoo’s weight as the two of you dragged him to a standing position.

“I’ll come with you,” he said, no room for discussion in his tone. You had no mind to protest anyway.

Doyoung was already busying himself with clearing plates and glasses from the living area when Jaehyun bid him farewell. The guy seemed to have formulated a detailed plan of attack to get his apartment back to the no-doubt spotless state it had been prior to tonight.

“I sorted out most of the empty bottles so you should be able to just throw them out in the morning,” Jaehyun said over his shoulder. He crouched on the ground, guiding Jungwoo’s disobedient left foot into the correct shoe, carefully doing up the laces once both feet were inside their corresponding sneakers.

You tossed a glance back at Doyoung whizzing around the place like a Roomba, feeling a pang of guilt for not having done much to help him clean up. Even though you had been a much more gracious and tidy guest than other people in Joy’s company, you couldn’t help but feel like there was more you could’ve done, apart from babysitting a very not-sober Jungwoo and making sure he didn’t crack his head open on the corner of the coffee table.

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun said softly. You turned to look at him, half-surprised, and he only flashed you a small smile. “Doyoung likes to clean. I think he finds comfort in it.”

He was fluent as ever in your micro-expressions. Maybe one day you’d learn to stop being surprised by it.

The taxi back to Jungwoo’s place was shorter than you had expected. His head lolled between your shoulder and Jaehyun’s in the backseat, before finally finding a home in Jaehyun’s lap. Even when you finally tucked the younger boy safely into his own bed — after going to great lengths to extract his building code which involved a series of profuse apologies to his neighbours who you had mistakenly rung in the middle of the night — there was an impressive imprint on his right cheek that exactly matched the side seam on Jaehyun’s jeans. You could’ve sworn there was a small, wet patch of drool left behind on the denim, and you were sure Jaehyun himself had noticed it too, but he gave no indication of complaint.

“Are you far from here?” Jaehyun asked once the elevator had brought the both of you back down to Jungwoo’s lobby.

“I’m actually just a fifteen minute walk away,” you answered.

The invitation in your voice was silent, and you knew he would’ve accompanied you home even if you lived on the other side of the city. Still, some achingly pleasant emotion settled over you when you heard his footsteps fall in with yours against the pavement. He took his place between you and the open street, shielding you from the bustle of late night delivery bikes and club bound taxis.

Though the days still resembled summer, nights were when the beginnings of autumn could reveal itself. The slight chill in the air was not unbearable, but still noticeable against your bare arms, and just enough for goosebumps to spring up on the skin there. Before you could even bring your hands up to wrap them around yourself, Jaehyun shrugged off his jacket and wordlessly draped it over your shoulders.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, drawing the collar close around your neck. The stiff denim was a little rough, but warm from his body heat all the same, with faint traces of his woody scent lingering on the fabric.

Jaehyun thrust his hands in his pockets and grinned. “Now you out-Justin-Timberlake me.”

“Still not a real word.”

You supposed there was something about night-time that made it feel all the more forgiving to the emotional afflictions of the human condition. Perhaps it was only against the muted palette of the midnight blue sky and the dimly lit city streets that you felt brave enough to face the truth of your feelings, without agonising over the consequences of acknowledging them. Even so, you found yourself wishing the night would stretch on for just a little longer. Honesty always seemed to wear off faster than it came on.

“You’ve been crazy busy lately.”

Jaehyun’s responding laugh contained little amusement. “Crazy busy is one way to put it. I can’t believe Johnny has had to deal with all of this the whole time. This client is so,” he paused, trying to find the right word, before finally settling on “demanding.” The look in his eyes gave you the feeling there were many other more colourful adjectives he wanted to use instead.

The two of you passed the convenience store corner of your street. Your place was not too far up ahead, the glass building doors almost visible if you squinted. The night was coming to an end, and something cold and heavy settled in your chest to accompany the realisation.

“They want us in New York working on the new client site as soon as possible, so we’ve been running around trying to get visas and everything sorted,” he sighed.

Your footsteps faltered.

“You’re going to New York?” you asked.

He nodded.

“When?”

“Within the next week, if everything comes back approved.”

You hadn’t even noticed that you had come to a standstill until Jaehyun’s footsteps also slowed to a stop. The both of you stood like that, under the dim glow from the streetlights, in the middle of the sidewalk.

“We’ll probably be there until the end of the year, at least until the design piece is done,” he said.

Did your face betray the sudden drop of your stomach? Did the sound of a fissure cracking through your chest escape through the slight parting of your lips?

It was silly, really. That one small piece of information could turn your entire world on its head. International travel on a project wasn’t a rare occurrence. And you supposed you would’ve found out sooner or later, even if he hadn’t told you, because he had no obligation to update you about every development in his life, even if they involved crossing continents. Even if you wanted to know every little detail.

Jaehyun’s eyes moved from his shoes to your face. The shadows cast by the streetlights made it hard to decipher his expression, but you thought there was a pleading look to his handsome face. What he was pleading for, you weren’t entirely sure.

You cleared your throat and finally found your voice again. “That’s really exciting, Jaehyun,” you managed, trying to keep your tone light. “I hear New York is gorgeous this time of year.”

The smile you pasted on your face was a flimsy one, and you could feel your top lip begin to tremble when he didn’t quite return it. Before it could turn into a grimace, you let the corners of your mouth fall. There had never been any use in putting on an act in front of him. Unsure what else to say without sounding insincere — though you were excited for him, truly, this little fit of sadness was a silly thing that would pass surely and quickly — you turned and resumed your steps towards your apartment.

Another few minutes and you’d be in the safety of your own home. Free to let your top lip tremble and quiver, and let the inexplicable lump in your throat force its way out, rather than try to swallow it down.

It only took a few steps for you to realise that Jaehyun had not followed. You looked over your shoulder to find him standing there by the streetlight, eyes fixed on the ground again.

“I don’t want to go,” he said, toeing at a crack in the concrete. “If I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to leave…”

You.

He may not have said that last word, but you heard it all the same. Your chest squeezed with emotion you couldn’t quite place.

“But you have to,” you said softly. A gentle breeze blew through the early autumn air and you briefly wondered if your words had been carried adrift.

He looked up at you then, eyes burning into yours with unspoken sentiments. A thousand words were conveyed with that one look, those few seconds in which you understood everything he wanted to say, and nothing he wanted to say, because he hadn’t said much at all. Just like how he could read your emotions with a simple glance at your face, you saw his reluctance. You saw the irresolution in his resolve, and how it wavered as he turned over in his mind the things he wanted to say to you, and how much of his heart he was willing to risk.

“But I have to,” he agreed.

Jaehyun still knew you inside out, yes, but you knew him too.

Your feet dragged over the last few hundred metres to your apartment complex, until you finally reached the door and there was nothing left you could do to delay the inevitable.

“Here,” you said, handing his jacket back to him. “Thank you for walking me home.”

He took it from your outstretched hand, fingers just brushing your knuckles. “Of course.”

And maybe Jaehyun was just as unwilling to let you go. His feet stayed firmly planted on the concrete pavement in front of your building, even though you were pretty sure no harm would befall you across the five steps into the lobby. The two of you stood there for a while, neither quite knowing what to say, or how to ward off the odd melancholy you knew he felt too.

There were so few guarantees of forever in life. You knew that. And even if you had never really gotten him back in the first place, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were losing him again. Except this time, he wouldn’t just be a 67-minute subway ride away. This time, he’d be a 14-hour flight away, on the other side of not the city but the world, with 7,000 miles and the entire Pacific Ocean separating you.

And yes, he’d come back eventually, but who could promise that the feelings between the two of you now would be the same upon his return? You knew that you were in no position to demand he refrain from exploring other romantic pursuits, to deter him from making new connections in the diverse metropolis that was New York City, and all the excitement and energy that came with it.

You had unknowingly gotten in the way of that once.

“Well, I’d better get inside,” you said quietly, gesturing at the building behind you. Jaehyun only nodded.

This was it. All things must come to an end, you thought as you walked up to the lobby door. Even if they never really started. Perhaps you and your hesitance to let him in had played the biggest part of all, and whatever it was between you and Jaehyun wouldn’t be ending before it began if you had only been more forgiving at the start. Less pointy and disagreeable. Perhaps then you would be parting now on more certain terms, and you’d carry some peace of mind knowing he’d be coming back to you, instead of the crushing weight of disappointment currently lodged underneath your sternum.

And yet, what difference did it make? You’d be losing him anyway, no matter what you did. In two weeks’ time, he’d be sitting in a conference room on a different continent, regardless of whether you said nothing or cussed him out to his face right now.

Your hand froze on the steel handle for only a second before you turned around to face him again. Three determined strides was all it took to close the distance between you.

“What is it?” he asked.

There had been few occasions where you had seen Jaehyun drunk, or at least not sober, in the years you had known him. Your split early on in university had not afforded you many chances to witness his supposedly high tolerance in action at weekend benders. Nothing more than a few underage sips snuck from his dad’s glass at the dinner table. You took a second now to look at him, really look at him, taking in all the details of the face you knew almost as well as your own.

Pink. Everything about him was so pink, from the slight tinge around the whites of his eyes, to the lingering flush in the apples of his cheeks.

To the pretty colour of his soft, full lips.

They parted with confusion when you approached. Carefully, you reached out a hand and placed it against his cheek, feeling the way he leaned into your touch almost immediately. His eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments before they were searching your face again, almost fervently.

“I just…” you whispered, trying to commit this picture of him to memory.

What difference did it make?

It was hard to tell who moved first. You’d like to believe it didn’t matter.

The rhythm of your lips against his was unfamiliar at first, clumsy from years of disuse. Through slow and careful movements, you reacquainted yourself with the shape of Jaehyun’s mouth, the pillowy swell of his bottom lip as it gently slid in between your own. It fit there perfectly, like it always did. His hands came up to graze the curve of your waist, resting lightly on your skin as if he was afraid you’d crumble like sand in his grasp.

You tilted your head, parting your mouth ever so slightly to let the tip of your tongue brush against the underside of his top lip. The kiss changed immediately. You felt his surprise in the small puff of air that escaped through his nose and landed softly against your cheek. His fingers gripped at you with a newfound strength, pulling you flush against him. Even through the fabric of your shirts, the outline of his toned chest was unmistakable. Your hands found their home in the softness of hair at the nape of his neck, revelling in the throaty sound that left him as you ran your hands through it.

How had you denied yourself of this for so long?

Jaehyun must have pulled away first, because suddenly you could breathe again, shaky gasps coming in and out through your mouth. He fared no better, pressing his forehead gently against yours while he tried to catch his breath.

You couldn’t think. You felt electrified, as if every nerve ending in your body was simultaneously firing, as if your blood was laced with dynamite. Hell, you had half a mind to invite him up to your room and finish off what you had so brazenly started.

“It’s late,” he finally managed, voice rough. “You should head in.” His hands, however, stayed firmly in place around your waist. You watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with each swallow.

Right. Perhaps it was best to let the night end here, before you could do anything else that you might regret.

“Yeah, I should probably,” you murmured, catching the way his eyes followed each movement of your mouth as you spoke. The sound of your voice seemed to break the daze he was in, and you felt his grip on you loosen, slowly and reluctantly. The arms you had looped around his neck made their way back to your sides. You were released from his warmth far too quickly.

Impulsive decisions (like inviting your ex-boyfriend to spend the night in your one-bedroom apartment with nowhere to sleep except in your bed) seldom ended well. You should’ve known better than to make those rookie mistakes.

You had barely turned around to walk up to your building doors when Jaehyun wrapped a warm hand around your wrist and pulled you back into him. He pressed his lips to yours, swallowing the small noise of surprise that left your mouth. This time, his kiss was softer, surer, and in it you tasted the sweetness of unspoken promises he was determined to keep.

“I’ll see you when I get back,” he said, dark eyes fixed on you with conviction. Your lip colour had smudged by the side of his mouth, leaving behind a faint pink stain that only added to the pretty hue of his now kiss-swollen lips.

He was still the most gorgeous person you had ever seen.

“See you when you’re back, then,” you echoed.

Some odd emotion, neither happy nor sad, settled in your chest as you pushed open the door to the emptiness of your home. You had rushed to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jaehyun before he left, only to find he had gone already, and the sidewalk outside your building was as vacant as to be expected for this hour of the night.

No matter. You’d wait for him to come back.

“One more prosecco before he disappears to the bathroom for the rest of the night.”

You cast a glance at the catering table and clicked your tongue against your teeth.

“Half a prosecco,” you concluded, taking a sip from your own glass.

Joy raised a shapely eyebrow at you. “You know it doesn’t hit until at least twenty minutes after he gets the munchies.”

“True, but he specifically told me he skipped lunch today so it would hit earlier, and he’d have the energy to mingle.”

“Well,” she shrugged, “I guess that’d do it.”

The two of you turned your gazes back to the catering table, where Jungwoo was doing some serious damage to the salmon ceviche tostadas. The glass in his hand was empty, and you watched as he asked for a refill from one of the waitstaff.

“Someone should really stop him,” Joy sighed. “Before we get a repeat of last year.”

“Someone should,” you agreed.

Neither of you made a move.

As far as year-end wrap-up events went, this one wasn’t too bad, even if it was your first at the company. This year, HR had managed to book one of the smaller function rooms at an upscale hotel, with an open bar and hors d’oeuvres menu to match. It was a nice chance to celebrate the year’s achievements, and get to know the other people in the department a little better. Already a year in this place, and you’d be lying if you said you knew the name of every person on your floor.

September to November had flown by in a blur. Recruitment for the company’s graduate program next year had been an intensive few months of screening, interviewing, reviewing, and then interviewing again. As hectic as it had been, the fruits of your team’s efforts had been warmly recognised with smiles and praises from the senior managers and higher-ups you’d had the chance to speak with tonight.

Traditionally, each department hosted their own event, though from what you gathered, HR and Marketing were the only ones that put in any real effort. While HR liked to keep things classy, Marketing liked to go all out.

“Do you think it’s true that Marketing rented out a yacht this year?” you asked. Surely their budget wasn’t that excessive.

Joy made a face. “God, I hope not. It’s the middle of December. I’d be surprised if the Han River wasn’t all frozen over.”

Winter had come early this year, sinking its cold fingers into November and staking its claim. Yet, there had been no snow, even though it was only a few days out from the holidays. Though it was nice that your clothes stayed relatively dry all day from the lack of precipitation, you couldn’t help but miss the sight of the city covered in a blanket of white softness.

“There he goes,” Joy said, nudging your arm. You turned to see Jungwoo excuse himself from the conversation, setting down a barely-touched glass on the tablecloth. He made a beeline for the men’s restrooms, or as close to a beeline as he could manage in his current state, face flushed and a little queasy.

It was a good thing the company’s holiday closure started tomorrow.

“Okay, you win. Want to come and get a refill with me?” she asked. “We can say hi to a few of the directors over there.”

The thought of having to network with more seniors, when you had already spent the last hour and a half donning bright smiles and laughing politely at their lacklustre jokes, was not a pleasant one. You knew it would be a good thing for you to go and introduce yourself, but your battery for social interaction had long since been depleted. Perhaps you should’ve taken a page out of Jungwoo’s book.

Still, you flashed Joy a grateful smile. “You go ahead. I might grab some air, actually.”

“Okay,” she replied, eyes warm with understanding. “But make sure you put your coat on. It’s freezing out there.”

She was right, of course. The toasty interior of the function room was a completely different world from the frigid gust of wind that greeted you as soon as you pulled the sliding door open. An upscale hotel needed to have a matching upscale view of the city. You leaned against the balcony railing, blocking out the icy sting of the metal against your hands, and took in the sight of the not-quite-frozen Han River below, and the sparkling Seoul Tower further away on the skyline.

You’d only be out here for a little bit, you told yourself. Just a few minutes, and then you’d head home.

Truthfully, you could have left half an hour ago when your reserves for socialising had just run out, and be within the warm and familiar confines of your own bed right now, doom-scrolling to your heart’s content. But these days, the solitude of your apartment that you had once found comforting had evolved into a loneliness that you’d rather avoid.

The empty echoes of your own footsteps across the tiled floors didn’t bounce against the walls like deep laughter did.

Absent-mindedly, you thumbed at the pendant sitting at the hollow of your throat. You had turned your jewellery box inside out, almost fully convinced that you had lost the thing entirely until you finally spotted the milky pearl set in white gold, underneath all the other chains. It was gorgeous when you had first opened the velvet box all those years ago, and it still was now, even if you hadn’t seen it for quite some time. Jaehyun always had an eye for beautiful things.

You weren’t the only one who endured a few packed and chaotic months. Johnny’s team had flown out of the country the Wednesday after Joy’s birthday and had been sequestered in New York ever since. Between your swamped schedules and the 14 hour time difference, conversations with Jaehyun were intermittent at best, and sparse and uncoordinated at worst. Sometimes he’d message with silly little things, like the time he sent you a picture of a doll sitting in the window of an antique shop.

this reminded me of you, the accompanying text had said.

He was due back soon, and there was still much left to be said, but above all, you only hoped that he was well, and that the New York winter was much more forgiving than it was here at home.

The cloudy wisps of air formed by your breath floated upwards before they dissipated into the night sky. No wonder the balcony was empty — who would want to be out here when there were mozzarella stuffed mushrooms and central heating on the other side of the glass?

You heard the doors slide open behind you as someone else equally as crazy decided to step out into the cold. Just as well. It was time for you to head back anyways. You turned to make your way inside, only to freeze in your tracks.

“They told me I’d find you out here. You really know how to pick a spot, huh?”

A soft gasp left your mouth.

“Jaehyun?”

He gave you a smile, your favourite smile, where his dimples were only just visible, and there was the hint of a pout to the shape of his lips. He was here, and he was in front of you, looking at you like you were the most wonderful thing in the world that he would ever have the good fortune of knowing. Your chest swelled almost painfully at the sight of him.

“When did you get back? How did you even get in here?”

“We landed in Incheon earlier this afternoon. I had to pay the door guy outside a hundred bucks for him to let me in.”

Your eyes widened. “He can’t make you do that!”

“Just kidding,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I only had to show him my company ID.”

He walked over to where you stood by the railing and rested his arms against the metal. His profile was sharp against the darkness of the night sky, and you took a moment to study the details while he took in the view.

“Are you tired?” you asked. “It can’t be easy adjusting to the time difference.”

“A little,” he admitted. The bags under his eyes were dark and purple now that you could see his face up close. He must have been exhausted. Nobody ever slept well on long haul flights. “You should see Johnny though. He would have come tonight, but jet lag is seriously kicking his ass.”

You shared a laugh, traces of your breaths mingling in the air. Beside him, you settled back into your original spot, mirroring the way he leaned against the metal railing. Jaehyun was close, but not too close, your elbows only a few centimetres apart. A mellow silence settled over the balcony as you gazed out at the river, watching the never-ending stream of cars as they circled the waterfront.

With even this, you were content. His mere presence next to you was a remedy in itself, regardless of the words shared or touches exchanged. You felt more at home in this moment now than you had in over 3 months.

“I’ve missed you,” he said, still gazing out into the distance. The gravity in his voice hinted at circumstances beyond the recent season he had spent on the other side of the world. And yet, he had said it so simply, as if the words were an immovable truth that would withstand the corrosion of time.

“I’ve missed you too,” you replied.

Maybe it was just that simple, because it was the truth. The nights weathered away in your own apartment were only lonely because there had been an absence of him, an absence that was known to you, even if you had not felt it for many years.

He turned to you, taking in a shaky breath. “I should never have let you go.”

“Oh, Jaehyun—”

“I was young, and foolish, and I thought I knew what I wanted. And I had you, but I thought I wanted more, because I wanted everything. I wanted the whole damn world.”

Something sharp pricked behind your eyes as you listened to the honesty pouring out of him.

“And then I lost you, and it was—god, it was… like someone had sucked all the colour out of my life. And I had no one to blame, because I was the one who did that to myself. To us.”

It was so hard to not notice the pain etched into his beautiful features. The tight set of his jaw. The redness that rimmed his eyes. Your fingers ached to reach over and smooth out the crease between his brows.

“There were so many things I could have done to make things right between us again. Even if you wouldn’t have me back. But my pride, and my ego… I did nothing—”

“You can’t pin it all on yourself, Jaehyun,” you said, shaking your head. “I had no idea what I wanted. And even when I did, I never acted—I never stood up for myself. I could’ve fought for us, but I didn’t. I just accepted everything. Hell, I never even told you how I felt.”

You flashed him a watery smile. “We needed the time away from each other, don’t you think?”

There was a moment where the two of you simply stared at each other. A hurricane of repressed emotions swirled in your chest, finally breaking the surface five years on. Jaehyun must have felt the same, reliving all those memories now. You could see it on his face.

Youth was so beautiful, and precious — even the heartbreak, and all the other foolish things that came along with it.

“I let you go once, and maybe that was meant to happen.” He took a step closer. “But we’re not dumb teenagers anymore. I’m not… I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

His eyes locked on yours as he gazed at you with reverence. “Don’t you still feel the same? Even after all these years?”

I do, you wanted to say.

You would have too, if it weren’t for the small speck of white that landed in Jaehyun’s dark hair. It was visible for only a few seconds before melting away. You looked up and sure enough, the night sky was dotted with white.

“First snow,” you breathed, watching as the snowflakes fell from the sky. “Do you know what that means?”

Jaehyun gave you a small shake of his head. Of course. He never believed in superstitions.

You reached for his hand, feeling his fingers respond to yours immediately. He was so warm, and his touch breathed life back into your frozen body.

“If you see the first snow with someone you love, it means that your love will be true and long-lasting.”

A few seconds passed as he took in your words, trying to make sense of them.

“You… love me?”

“I do,” you admitted. A teardrop finally spilled out from your waterline, leaving behind a wet track on your cheek that stung in the cold. “Even when I thought I hated you, deep down, I think I still loved you.”

One of his hands came up to wipe away the trail of moisture from the escaped tear. The action sent a shiver through your entire body.

“I never stopped loving you,” he confessed softly, stroking your cheek. You felt it then, that deep, aching feeling that had threaded itself into the very marrow of your bones.

Longing. You longed for his presence, his smile, his touch. You longed to hold his heart in your hands again, and give him yours in exchange. You had missed him more than you could bear, and here he was, telling you his heart was where it had always been, sitting in the centre of your palm.

Perfect moments didn’t exist, but damn did this one come close.

“Come here,” Jaehyun whispered, pulling you into him.

His mouth was just as sweet as you remembered. His lips were a little rougher, slightly chapped from the cold. His kiss was slow and patient, taking his time to explore the shape of your mouth and mould to it again. You felt his smile, the slight tension in his bottom lip giving him away, and you couldn’t help but reciprocate, a quiet giggle bubbling in your chest before escaping through your lips.

“I really fucking missed you,” you mumbled against his mouth, another giggle accompanying the words. “You kissed me and then you were on a plane to the other side of the world.”

“I told you I’d see you when I was back, didn’t I?” he reminded, giving your waist a small squeeze. “And for the record, you kissed me. Not that it matters.”

You swatted a hand against his chest. “I see you still care too much about technicalities.”

Jaehyun only laughed, that deep and familiar sound you had craved to hear for the last 3 months. He pulled your hands into his warm ones, and pressed his lips to your knuckles.

“Your hands are cold,” he murmured, wrapping his fingers around yours.

“Well, I was about to head back inside when you found me. It’s nice and toasty in there.”

“Do you want to go in now?”

You looped your arms around his neck and buried your head into the crook of it. “Let’s just stay out here for a little bit longer,” you said, words muffled by the fabric of his coat. “You always run hot in the colder months anyways. Enough to keep me warm.”

He hummed in agreement, holding you flush against him as the snow fell around you. In his arms, you were the most at ease you had been in years, and the thought was almost enough to bring a fresh new wave of moisture to your eyes.

“What is that—something’s digging in,” he suddenly said, pulling away from you. His eyes landed on the pendant that had slipped out from underneath the lapels of your coat. Wordlessly, he reached for it, running his thumb across the pale pearl that hung from your neck.

“You kept this?”

“Of course,” you answered. “You kept yours.”

He smiled, a big one, dimples marking his cheeks. “Of course,” he repeated.

“We’re lucky, aren’t we? To have found each other again after all this time?”

Jaehyun’s reply took the form of another sweet and unhurried kiss. It warmed you from the inside out, all the way down to the tips of your toes.

“So we’re really doing this, right?” he asked. “We’re giving us a second chance?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you said all that earlier just for shits and giggles?”

“Of course not,” he chuckled, squeezing your sides again. “I just wanted to make sure. I think I might lose faith in the world if you tell me you don’t want to be with me.”

“You have nothing to worry about,” you reassured. The snow was sticking to his hair, and you took a second to run your hands through it, brushing off the half-melted pieces. His eyes fondly followed your every movement.

“Good, because I plan on keeping you for a long time.”

You returned inside shortly after. The snow had picked up and it was clear that you couldn’t stay out for much longer (unless you wanted hypothermia, which neither of you did). The function hall was much emptier now than it had been when you stepped out, and of the remaining faces, none of them were familiar.

A quick glance at your phone showed a few unread messages from Joy.

joy [08:32 pm]: hey, had to leave, doyoung’s still working tomorrow so it’s an early night for me joy [08:33 pm]: hope you and jaehyun work things out joy [08:33 pm]: i’m rooting for you guys!!

joy [08:37 pm]: also can you see if jungwoo is okay joy [08:38 pm]: i don’t think he’s come out yet

“Can I ask a favour, just before we go?”

Jaehyun smiled back at you sweetly, devotion written in his eyes. “Anything.”

“Pop into the men’s room and check if Jungwoo’s still alive?”

Life was a funny thing.

“There are so few things in life that are guaranteed. Death, for one, and taxes, for another. Sorry if that was a bit dark and killed the mood. You can laugh, by the way. But I think everyone here would agree, neither of those two are all that conducive to happiness.”

Roundabout.

“So when the girl you’ve been chasing, for what feels like an eternity, finally gives you a second chance, you absolutely cannot take it for granted. You grab onto that chance with both hands, and even your teeth if you have to. It’s no guarantee for happiness, but it’s your best bet.”

Unpredictable.

“I’m not a God-fearing man, but I’m a God-believing man. I thank God everyday for bringing such a magnificent woman into my life.”

He raised his glass.

“Joy, you make me the happiest person in the world, and I can’t wait to be married to you.”

The crowd broke into warm applause as Doyoung finished off his impromptu speech by planting a kiss on his bride-to-be.

“He’s so good at talking,” you mused, wrapping your arm around Jaehyun’s. “If that’s his toast for this, I wonder what his vows will be like.”

A year ago, you would never have believed that you’d be attending your co-worker’s engagement party, much less with your ex-boyfriend who you hadn’t seen in 5 years. Spring had well and truly arrived, and with it came promises of love and new beginnings. The last rays of the April afternoon sunlight filtered through the windows of the riverside art centre. The venue was gorgeous, floating on the edge of the river with unobstructed views of the skyline and where it met the water — as always, Joy knew how to pick a spot.

“I didn’t know she rejected him before they got together. He must have really liked her.”

Jaehyun gave you a crooked smile. “Four years of university, and he never gave up. Even when she started dating that blockhead from liberal arts.”

“I bet he would’ve felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she finally said yes to a date,” you said, watching as the happy couple shared a moment, giggling about something nobody else was privy to. Jaehyun followed your gaze and made a small noise of agreement.

“Not as lucky as I am to have found you again.”

He ran his thumb across your knuckles. You could’ve sworn there was stardust sprinkled into those pretty brown eyes of his.

Life was a funny thing, for sure. It had a funny way of bringing back things you once thought you had lost forever. You knew now that you had to seize them before they passed by. Who knew if they’d ever turn up again?

“Okay, that’s enough.”

Jungwoo set his glass down on the table with a loud thunk, lightly startling you.

“I’m right here. You guys know that, right? I am right in front of you.”

A sheepish smile was thrown his way. “Sorry.” You patted his hand once, softly. “Your time will come, I’m sure of it,” you reassured. “How did the date with the KU Business girl go?”

“I flaked,” Jungwoo said simply.

“No! Why?”

He sighed. “Blind dates are really not my thing. It’s too awkward. And it feels so superficial. Like, what if you have nothing in common, or there’s no physical attraction, or—”

Jungwoo paused, cutting himself off. “Actually, I’m not talking about this with you people. I’m going to get another drink.” With that, he turned and headed straight for the cocktail bar. You and Jaehyun gazed at him from behind as he walked off.

“I’m gonna be babysitting him again tonight, aren’t I?” Jaehyun asked, the question directed at nobody in particular.

“People are going to start wondering if you’re dating me or him.”

His mouth curled into a smirk. “Should I give them a reminder?”

“My boss is standing right over there, so no.”

Junmyeon and Irene were still going steady, to your surprise. You’d probably be seeing more and more of him, since Joy and the rest of the Parks genuinely treated Irene like one of their own. The thought wasn’t exactly a pleasant one, but not awful either. Maybe you were warming up to him.

“Also, you should probably be careful about who you call blockhead,” you said to Jaehyun, holding back a smile.

He fixed you with a suspicious stare. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know,” you trailed off, gesturing vaguely at his head. The smile broke through, your cheeks lifting as you tried to keep the laughter from coming out. He, on the other hand, was thoroughly unimpressed.

“You should really watch your mouth,” he said lowly, though he was smiling. There was a look in his eyes that sent a jolt straight to the pit of your stomach.

“Or what?”

His hands were all over you before you even made it through the door.

“My beautiful, gorgeous, sexy girlfriend,” he mumbled, peppering your neck with kisses between each adjective. The keypad finally beeped and you pushed down on the handle, letting the door swing open as you pulled him in by the collar.

“Stop talking and just kiss me,” you sighed, dragging his face back up to yours. He was all too eager to comply, mouth slotting over yours with practised ease. His tongue brushed along yours in the way he knew you liked, pulling your bottom lip into his mouth with just the right amount of pressure. Fire licked at your insides as he drew a light moan from you.

Four months in, the second time around, and everything with Jaehyun was still electrifying.

Your hands fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, finally succeeding with undoing the top one after a few tries. Hands came up around the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto his kitchen countertop. The marble was cool to the touch, and you felt it through the silk of your dress, a soft gasp of surprise flying from your mouth into his awaiting one.

“Been wanting to do this all day, ever since you put this thing on,” Jaehyun rasped. The heat of his body radiated into you from where he stood between your parted legs. He was so warm up against you, and he smelled so good, you were positively light-headed with desire.

His mouth ghosted over the shell of your ear, sending a shiver through you. “You look so fucking good,” he said, teeth gently grazing the skin of your neck. “My pretty girl.” The quick press of his hips into yours pulled another moan out of you, and you braced a hand against the marble countertop.

Your fingers knocked against the edge of something sharp and sent it tumbling to the floor, where it landed with a heavier thud than you were expecting.

“What was that?” you forced out in between gasps. Jaehyun’s teeth nipped at your collarbone, showing no signs of letting up. “Wait, Jae, something fell on the floor.”

You had smashed a mug in your apartment in the midst of it once. Better safe than sorry.

Reluctantly, Jaehyun detached himself from you and bent down to retrieve the fallen item. He was breathing hard as he picked up a thick, padded envelope, and flipped it over to read the details.

“Photos,” he finally managed, tossing the package back onto the counter. “We can look at them later.”

His mouth was on you again, working at the spot between your neck and shoulder that always had your knees weak and toes curling.

“Wait,” you giggled, “my film photos? I want to see.” He had sent the camera off almost two weeks ago, and you had been (im)patiently waiting for the developed pictures to be sent back.

Jaehyun looked up at you with hooded eyes. “Really? You want to look at them now?”

You nodded.

A beat passed before his face broke into a lazy smile.

“Okay,” he chuckled softly, reaching for the envelope again.

There was a good stack in there. The ones on top were more recent, with a few shots from his birthday that had recently passed. You had taken him ice skating at the outdoor rink atop Namsan Mountain. The twinkling lights that hung from the trees surrounding the rink were still beautiful, even through photos. Jaehyun was good at so many things that it was unfair — how could he be so talented and have a face like that? — but on that day, you discovered that ice skating was not one of his strengths, and the bruises on his tailbone could attest to that.

“The colouring on these is really nice,” you murmured, flicking through the photos.

He hummed. “They are. This place doesn’t over-saturate the images, which is why I like them.”

A few more pictures from Christmas, where the two of you had set up a pillow fort — it had always been a childhood dream of yours — and stayed in watching movies for three whole days because it was too cold to do anything that required leaving the house. Funnily enough though, you had spent New Year’s Eve out in the cold with a few thousand others, waiting for the annual fireworks. There were a few shots of those as well.

You neared the bottom of the stack, recognising the blur of colours that formed the crowd of the jazz festival from last year.

“All of these are out of focus,” you complained, a pout adorning your lips. The shots of the stage, of the artists, even the one of Jaehyun and the cute face he made trying to fit the burger in his mouth. Only the two pictures of you were crisply defined, because he had taken them.

You flipped to the last photo. It was the one you took at the end of the show, during the closing bars of Lauv’s set. Miraculously, this one was in focus. You could see the press of your cheek against Jaehyun’s, and the slight surprise in his eyes as you had clicked the shutter. Lauv was nowhere to be seen, but maybe a clear shot of him as well would have been asking for too much.

“Can I say something cheesy?” Jaehyun asked softly.

“You’ll say it anyway.”

“I really wanted to kiss you. On this day.”

Strange, that it was these words which brought heat to your cheeks. Surely there were other things that would be more appropriate to blush about, instead of a months-late admission that was degrees more innocent than your current situation, where Jaehyun’s shirt was half undone, and the fabric of your dress was bunched up around your hips.

“I wanted to kiss you right there, in the crowd. And then I wanted to kiss you again, here, when you made that stupid ramen joke. And when you had that chilli flake stuck on the corner of your mouth.”

You set the last photo down on the counter and turned back to Jaehyun, who was still standing between your knees.

“And how about now?” you asked, the corners of your mouth lifting in a teasing smile.

He cradled your chin, tilting your face towards his, and let the pad of his thumb brush over the swell of your bottom lip.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

The crescent moon was high and luminescent in the sky when you caught your breath again, the last few waves of euphoria ebbing away through your body. Jaehyun always indulged you.

Maybe a little too much.

You turned to him, nestling your face into the crook of his neck and breathing in the scent of soap and his skin. A finger lazily traced over the ridges of his stomach.

“That tickles,” he mumbled into your hair. It must’ve still been damp from the shower, but he didn’t seem to mind. Fatigue was already tugging away at him.

“Do you want me to stop?” you asked softly, looking up at him.

He shook his head, just slightly. “I like knowing you’re there.”

You resumed your movements, but it was only a few seconds before Jaehyun was shifting, soft laughs filling the intimate space of his bedroom.

“That really does tickle,” he said, smile threaded into his voice. One of his hands reached for yours, pulling it up to rest against his chest. The gentle press of his lips on your forehead was a delicate thing.

You fell asleep like that, feeling the steady beat of his heart, quiet and sure beneath your fingertips. It was warm in his hold, and safe. There was no other home you needed to know.

#jaehyun #nct jaehyun #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #jaehyun fic #nct 127 #nct 127 x reader #jeong jaehyun #nct jaehyun x reader #nct x reader #nct 127 fanfic #kaleidohscopic works

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gingersxng · 2 months ago

Text

Dominate Me

Pairing: f!reader x Mingi

Genre: smut 18+

Summary: your boyfriend allows you to be in charge for one night but the urge to be the one in charge gets too strong when he instead ends up dominating you.

Notes: switch!reader, switch!Mingi ( Mingi’s a dom!), Mingi has a big dick! (OFC), handcuffs, dirty talk, pet names (big boy, horny boy, naughty boy, doll, my girl), blowjob, deep throating, reader is a tease, cowgirl, unprotected sex (DONT), cum cum cum, slight breeding kink, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, handjob, kissing, mating press, creampie, nasty nasty.

a/n: I’ll be answering more requests soon, I’m sorry for not being very good at that but I promise I’ll be better. Hopefully will write other members more too but being Mingi biased makes it hard to keep my hands off writing about him… I don’t even know if you guys enjoy these anymore??

Words: 1.4k

It was usually Mingi who played the dominant role in the bedroom and you would lie if you said you didn’t like it but you had a secret wish to flip the script and take control for once. And only for tonight, Mingi was willing to indulge you.

You prepared yourself, you put on his favourite new lingerie in dark red lace that he bought you for your 23rd birthday, your heart raced as you laid out the handcuffs on the bedside table, it was the only thing Mingi allowed. You wanted to give Mingi something special, a night where you would show him your dominant side that maybe would get him to change his mind, let you take control from time to time.

Mingi finally entered the bedroom, his tall, muscular frame filling the doorway. His dark damp hair and intense gaze sent a shiver down your spine, he really knew how to make you nervous but it wouldn’t stop you from doing this. He smirked, knowing what was about to unfold and allowed himself to be guided to the bed. You pushed him gently onto the soft mattress, he was scanning your delicate body. His eyes didn’t seem to let go of your soft tits, the push up bra worked as it was designed to.

You snapped him out of it and reminded him that you’re in charge, so it would be non of his perverted actions.

"Tonight, you're all mine," you whispered seductively, your voice laced with a newfound confidence. You straddled his waist and leaned in close capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. Mingi responded eagerly, his tongue dancing with yours as your mouths locked together. You could taste the desire in his kiss, a hunger that mirrored your own.

With deliberate movements, you trailed soft kisses down his neck, nipping gently at his sensitive skin. Mingi let out a low moan, his hands instinctively reaching for your tits but you gently pushed them away, reminding him yet again of your roles tonight.

"No touching, my horny boy," you teased, your breath was hot against his ear. "Tonight, I'm in charge."

You reached for the handcuffs, the cold metal contrasting with the heat of his skin. With a quick click, you secured his wrists together to the bedposts, rendering him helpless and at your mercy. Mingi's eyes widened with surprise and a hint of nervous excitement, his cock twitched in his boxers.

"Oh, you naughty boy, enjoying being restrained," you purred, running your fingers along his muscular arms. "Let's see how long you can last before begging for release." You traced your fingers down his chest, playing with the light dusting of hair that led to his happy trail. Your touch was feather-light, sending shivers of anticipation through his body. You kissed and nibbled your way down his torso, paying attention to every inch of his skin. Reaching the waistband of his boxers, you paused, teasing him by gently blowing on the bulge that was already straining against the fabric. Mingi squirmed, his dick throbbing with need. You giggled softly, enjoying the power you held over him.

With slow, deliberate movements, you pulled down his boxers, revealing his impressive erection. His dick stood tall and proud, thick veins pulsing with each heartbeat. You admired his cock, knowing the pleasure it could bring but tonight you wanted to tease and torment him first.

Leaning forward, you ran your tongue along the underside of his shaft, from base to tip, making him gasp and arch his back. You took your time, savoring the salty taste of his skin. Your mouth enveloped the head of his cock, swirling your tongue around the sensitive tip making Mingi moan and buck his hips.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy" he groaned. You smiled around his length, taking him deeper down your throat. You sucked and bobbed your head, your wet mouth providing relentless pleasure. Mingi's breath quickened, his body tensed as he fought the urge to climax.

"Not yet, big boy" you whispered, releasing his cock with a pop. "I want you to last."

You dragged your fingers lightly down his enormous length and grabbed the base of his cock, you straddled his waist again, pulling your panties to the side you positioned his throbbing cock at your entrance. With a slow, deliberate motion, you sunk yourself down on his length, taking him deep inside your hot, wet pussy. Mingi's eyes rolled back as he felt her tightness envelop him.

"Fuck, you feel so good" he grunted, his hips thrusting upwards, seeking more contact.

You set the pace, rising and falling on his shaft, your pussy muscles squeezing and massaging his cock. Your breasts bounced with each movement and Mingi couldn’t keep his eyes off them. You leaned forward letting your nipples brush against his chest, teasing him more.

"You like it when I ride you, don't you?" You taunted, your voice was breathless. "Do you like being my personal fuck toy?"

Mingi could only nod, too focused on to not come. You increased your pace, your pussy gripping him tightly, riding him like you’ve never done before. Your hands grasped his broad shoulders, digging your nails into his skin as you neared your peak.

"Cum for me, big boy" you urged, "Fill me up with your kids”

Your dirty words were all it took to send Mingi over the edge. He arched his back, his cock twitching as he released a torrent of hot cum deep inside you. You cried out, your own orgasm crashing over you as you felt his warmth filling you up. You continued to jump up and down his cock to ride out your orgasm, his body tensed more and more with each move you did and he was almost about to burst for the second time.

You slowly got off him and he watched how his softened cock slid out of you, all covered in your mixed juices. “Fuuck”

Hovering over him you placed small kissed on his neck down to his chest, all the way back down to his pubic bone. Mingi let out a deep moan when you grabbed his cock and began to pump him, the blood rushed down his dick and in just a few seconds he was fully hard again. “You want me to fuck you again?” You looked at him through your lashes. “Just fuck my cock so I finally can get my hands on you” he begged.

You did as he wished, you placed yourself on his cock and gave it everything you had left to give. Rocking your hips back and forth, round and round and clenching around him hard. You made him cum for the second time tonight, you got off him to undo the cuffs.

Mingis wrists were red and sore, his breathing heavy. He caressed your body as you lied on top of him giving you kisses on your forehead, he told you what a great job you did but he had to get his ways with you before calling it a night.

He rolled you over swapping places with him so you were at the bottom, he quickly grabbed the handcuffs and tied your wrists to the bedpost. You were shocked but not surprised by his actions. “You couldn’t let me have this one night could you?” You snapped. Mingi traced his hand grabbing the hem of your panties, pulling them off you, he guided his cock to your entrance and swirled the tip around coating it with your arousal. “Of course I did, you got to dominate me but now it’s my turn to dominate you as always doll” he purred before shoving his cock all the way in your warm wet pussy. You swallowed a gasp when he hit your sweet spot, his cock rubbing all the right places inside you. “You love it when I fuck your tiny pussy with my big cock, don’t ya”

He grabbed the underside of your thighs, pulling your legs up trapping you in a mating press. It was all back to the ordinary, having Mingi’s fat cock plunging your tight cunt, breeding you full.

“Who’s in charge?” Mingi growled, your words were stuck in your throat and nothing came out. “I said who’s in charge!” He went rougher on you when you didn’t answer. His hard thrusts against your hips made you stutter your words. “Yo-you’re in-in charge mmm ah, you always fucks me the best”

The sheets were stained and sticky under you, so was your insides as Mingi creamed inside you yet again with a big load of cum.

“mmhh that’s my girl”

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez smut #kpop smut #mingi #mingi x reader #mingi smut #song mingi #mingi imagines

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faithisyours · 4 months ago

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Can’t Imagine Losing You

Azriel x Fem!reader

Summary: Azriel’s been acting moody lately, and you've had enough.

Warnings: ANGST! but also fluff. Smut, smut, SMUT! possessive Az, whimpering whiny Az, sort of a switch dynamic between the two, P in V, coming inside, oral both receiving, some ass stuff, i think that's it, not proof read

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: Hey y’all! Sorry for being MIA. Here’s another fic as a peace offering. I wanted to try some angst so hopefully I did it right. This whole thing took so many turns. Hope it's comprehensible. If you have any requests for fics you'd like me to write, I'm all ears (i need ideas, please I’m begging). As always, minors go away. Majors, enjoy!

“I have some work I need to do at the House of Wind today. It shouldn't take long.”

You were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, enjoying the warm summer breeze coming in through the open window when Azriel informed you he had to leave. You were disappointed, but not at all surprised. It seemed like there was always something to do, some report needing finished or some training schedule needing tweaked. And it was always your mate who needed to do it, especially on his off days, it seemed.

“Can you stay for breakfast at least?” you asked, infusing your words with hope to mask the disappointment.

“I’m sorry, my love, I can’t. I’ll see you later.” He pressed a swift kiss to the top of your head before practically running out the door. There was no, “I’ll make it up to you later,” or, “How about breakfast tomorrow?” or even an, “I love you,” before he had disappeared.

Instances like this had been happening more frequently over the past couple years, but recently it had gotten out of hand for you. You had been mated to Azriel for over a century at this point, and had known each other far longer than that. You originally assumed that these instances were caused by Azriel being distracted by his work. Being the spymaster for the Night Court was a lot to manage. But more recently you had begun to wonder if the spark had dimmed for Azriel. If he had started to feel differently than he had when you two were first mated.

You decided that tonight you would bring up your concerns with him. You prayed to the Mother it was only because he was so busy and not because he had begun to feel differently about being mated to you. For now, though, you finished your breakfast, put away the extra food you had made for Azriel, and got ready for your day.

Since Azriel wasn’t going to be home until later, you figured you could get some errands done while he was away. Azriel had been running low on his sleep tonic for a while now, so you decided to stop by your favorite apothecary and pick him up another one. While you were out, you figured you could stop by the market and get some more wine to replenish the stash you and the other ladies of the Inner Circle had drained not too long ago. You also picked up some ingredients you would need for dinner tonight.

It was nearing noon when you decided to head back home, but as you were making your way back, you passed the shop you had gotten your favorite lingerie set from. It couldn’t hurt, you thought, to go in and look around. It had been a while since you got a new set, and you thought you should treat yourself. If you found something you liked, of course. And as soon as you walked in, a rich purple satin set caught your attention. It was perfect; simple yet sexy, and looked rather comfortable as well. It had criss-cross straps that circled around the back and waist, to connect to the bottoms, which were detailed with black lace on the hips. You didn’t have a purple set yet, and you thought maybe Azriel would like it too. Maybe if things went well tonight you would let him see it.

You made your way home, purchases in hand, including that satin set, and hoped by the time you got there that Azriel would be home. But he wasn’t. You entered an empty home, warm yet breezy from the window you had left open, and started unloading your purchases. You put the wine on the rack, the ingredients for dinner on the kitchen table, and Azriel’s sleep tonic on his bedside table. Lastly, you fished that purple satin set out of its bag and tried it on.

You didn’t bother trying it on in the store because you already knew your measurements and didn’t want to bother anyone anyway. Just like you suspected, it was incredibly comfortable, and it fit you like a glove. Exhaustion washed over you then, even though it was a little past noon. Going out to run errands always seemed to suck the energy right out of you.

You didn’t bother taking off the set, but instead rifled through Az’s shirt drawer to find your favorite one of his, a flowy black cotton button down, and threw it on. Even though Az wasn’t here right now, you still wanted to feel close to him, hence the shirt. You curled yourself up on his side of the bed, enveloped in the comfort of his scent, and closed your eyes. The last thought you had before falling asleep was hoping this whole thing was a misunderstanding.

–

You awoke to the sound of a door slamming. You sat up, wiped the sleep from your eyes, and made your way towards the kitchen, the most likely source of the noise. You saw Azriel, leaning over the kitchen sink looking out the window. You glanced at the clock above the hearth, noting you had been asleep for about 4 hours.

“Hey Az,” you said groggily, “Sorry I didn’t meet you at the door, I was taking a nap. Did you just get home?” you asked, walking closer to him. He gave you a grunt in response. You noticed his shadows swirling agitatedly around him, making you stop in your tracks. “Az, are you okay? Did something happen?” A million thoughts cycled through your head in seconds. Did something happen at work? Are Cassian and Rhys okay? Is he mad at you? Did you forget something he asked you to get at the market?

“I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” His answers were clipped, monotone. “I'll be in our room.” he pushed off from the sink and brushed right past you, not even bothering to look you in the eye, give you a kiss, or look even the slightest bit apologetic for his attitude.

“I got you more sleeping tonic. It’s on your bedside table,” you informed him. You got a closing bedroom door in response.

You had a lot of patience. You prided yourself on the amount of patience you had. But it was warring paper thin for your mate. You decided to make dinner to take your mind off it, and to hopefully give him time to calm down. It’s not like he’d never been moody before, but this was a little much. He was starting to act like a teenage son, not your mate.

–

Thirty minutes later dinner was done and on the table. You went over to your bedroom door, still closed, and knocked, then poked your head in.

“Dinner is done. I made one of your favorites,” you informed Azriel, who was just walking out of the connected bathing room when you had poked your head in. He had changed into something more comfortable since the last time you saw him.

“Be right out,” he responded, glancing at you as he said it.

You walked back out to the kitchen table and began to load up both your plates with food. Azriel joined you just as you sat down. He immediately started eating, seemingly not concerned that the food was still hot enough to burn his mouth. And it looked like you would be carrying the conversation this evening.

“Was everything alright at the House of Wind today?” you pried, hoping the question came off as inconspicuous.

“Everything is fine. It’s handled now,” he offered, still shoveling food into his mouth.

“Alright. Good. I just wanted to -”

He cut you off. “Can we just eat in silence please? It's been a long day.” The words were stern, but his tone was soft, tired. You paused at his words, letting them sink in. Maybe this was just a bad day for him. Maybe he would be better tomorrow. Maybe this conversation should wait, if he’s pretty tired already. But how long had this gone on? How long have you wanted to say something about it?

“No,” you said simply. He paused, a fork-full stopped midway between his plate and mouth. Finally, he looked at you. “No, we’re not going to sit in silence. I have something I want to talk about. And I realize you may have had a shitty day, but I also had a day. I did things I want to talk with you about. I’ve wanted to have a conversation with you since this morning. So, no, actually. I’m not going to sit here in silence. Okay?” You stayed staring into his hazel eyes until you got a nod, but you wanted his answer in words. So you kept gazing into those hazel eyes until you got one.

“Okay. Alright,” he said, lowering his fork and pushing away from the table slightly, keeping his eyes on you. “What did you want to talk about, Love?”

His use of that endearment almost makes you reconsider this conversation. Almost. “I wanted to talk about your workload. And how it’s affecting me. And your treatment of me.” He only nodded, encouraging you to continue. “I feel like your workload doesn’t leave time for us anymore. It seems like the amount of stuff you have to do on a daily basis is way more than it used to be. You barely get any time off, and even on your days off you still have to do something. Like today. And I want to know if that’s how you feel, too.” You gave him time to consider.

He cleared his throat. “I like to stay busy. You know that. I haven’t noticed an increase in my duties, but even if there has been, I’m not sure if there is anything I could do about it. Everyone’s plate is already full. I can talk to Rhys about allocating jobs, but I can’t make any promises.”

You nodded, if only to give you something to do. That was not the answer you wanted to hear, but you could work with it. You wanted to broach your next point, but you were scared he wouldn’t take it well. You took a deep breath. “This… this leads me into my next point. I feel like…I feel as though you haven't been treating me how I want to be treated recently. Like sometimes I get my mate Az, and other days I get Azriel the shadowsinger. Or I get moody, likes-to-slam-doors Az who can’t bother to answer his mate in full sentences because he's too pissed off at something he doesn’t even want to tell me, his mate, who he should be able to tell everything to, even if it “doesn’t concern me.”” Your voice had started to rise, but you couldn’t help it. You were angry. “And this was why I wanted to talk about your workload. It feels like you’re getting upset more because you have more to do, which in turn makes you unintentionally take it out on me. you regard me as a permanent fixture in this house, but I am not. I will leave if I am not treated the way I deserve. And Gods, Azriel, I hope that this is the only reason, that it is only because of you working too much, because if it’s something else, if it has to do with your feelings towards me changing, I don’t…I don’t even…” you trailed off, holding back a sob that had started climbing your throat.

Azriel was now standing, making his way over to you. He knelt down right in front of you, taking your hand in his, his eyes, full of worry and confusion, searched yours for answers. “Okay, alright, you’re right. I have been acting like a jerk to you recently. And I’m so sorry for that. Truly. Work has been a lot to deal with recently, but that’s no excuse. I'll talk to Rhys about getting more time off. So I can spend it with you, alright? But how could you think my feelings have changed? How could you even think that?” His look was incredulous.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, or rather, tried to. “We’ve been mated for a century. A lot can happen in that amount of time. I thought maybe…maybe the spark was dimming for you. Maybe you changed your mind. About me. About us. And if you did, that would be alright. I would live with that, if it made you happy.” You work your confession out between sobs. “I just…I guess I just got scared. I don't want to lose you.”

His eyes were still on yours, but the emotion in them had shifted. Now they were full of anger. Not anger for you, but rather anger at himself. How could he treat you like this? In a way that made you think he did not love you anymore. He had failed, he realized. He was failing you, your relationship, your trust in him. He had to fix this, had to try harder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said with conviction, no room left for argument. “I love you. So much. More now than I did a century ago. Every day I love you more. I didn’t even think that was possible, but with you it is. You’re not getting rid of me even if you wanted to, okay? I’m staying, and I’m going to try harder, get more days off, spend them all with you. You’re the love of my life, ya? Nothing will change that.” He pulled you into a hug, kissed away your tears, and kept kissing you until your cheeks were dry.

He kissed you one more time, hard, on the cheek, then went back to his side of the table and sat down. He thanked you for dinner, asked about your day, what all you did, and in turn told you what had happened at the House of Wind. Apparently one of the Illarian camps had started some fights with another camp over space and resources. Rhys had thought it was taken care of, but there was another fight today, which resulted in Azriel having to go over there, break it up, and be the peacekeeper longer than he wanted. Hence him coming home late and in a pissy mood.

“You’re wearing my shirt,” he stated, cutting off your story of you in the market today. It wasn’t a conscious thought to cut you off. He had only just now realized you were wearing his shirt, and basically nothing else. He had been so distracted by what had happened today and you bringing up your concerns that he hadn’t even noticed. Possession coiled in his stomach like a serpent strangling its prey. Seeing you in his clothes, even though it was a rare occurrence, always made him hard. He couldn’t help it. Your strong, soft body wrapped in his shirt, the sleeves rolled up to your elbows, exposing all that lickable skin. It made his knees buckle.

“Is that okay?” you asked tentatively. He was looking at you now like a starved man, which you knew he wasn't, given the finished plate of food before him. You rarely wore his clothes, mainly because you swam in them due to how big they were on you. You guessed he was just surprised to see you in something of his, but that didn’t explain the heat in his gaze. “I put it on after I got home from running errands. I wanted to take a nap and I figured you weren’t using it so…” you explained, trailing off.

“You’ve been wearing my shirt all day. Only my shirt.” It wasn’t a question. More like a repetition of the fact in order to understand. But it wasn’t just his shirt you were wearing. As he said it he noticed the purple strap poking out by your shoulder. A purple strap. You didn’t own any purple undergarments. “What is that?” he asked, his gaze burning a hole in your shoulder.

Before you could even answer him he said, “Purple. You don’t own anything purple.” His gaze was lighting you on fire, his eyes full of slow understanding, pupils blown wide with lust.

You got up from your chair, pushing your empty dinner plate slightly forward, and walked around the kitchen table to his side to stand right in front of him. “Well, while I was out,” you started, your voice low and seductive, “I passed by that shop, you know, the one I got that royal blue set from.” Azriel knew exactly what you were talking about. Remembered your squirming form underneath him while you were in that set. He was starting to feel lightheaded from how much of his blood had gone to his crotch. “And I figured it wouldn’t hurt to go in and see if they had anything as good as that royal blue set.” You were teasing him now, you knew it. But it was so fun, you couldn’t help yourself.

“Please, my love. Please let me see it. Let me see you,” he begged, winned. It was music to your ears. He was so hard it looked like it hurt. He had started slipping off his chair onto his knees in front of you, his scarred hands coming up to grip your hips. He was actually begging.

“You want to see it?” you taunted. He nodded, swallowing audibly. “Alright, but no touching. Not yet.” You pushed his hands off your hips, which was more difficult than you thought it would be, and began unbuttoning the shirt. Each button you worked to undo made Azriel’s breathing heavier, until he was practically panting. His hands were clenched so tightly at his sides you were sure his fingernails would leave marks on his palms.

You felt like a goddess; the man you adored more than anything knelt at your feet, completely enraptured by you, in awe of all you are. You reached the last button, undoing it achingly slowly, just to see your mate break out in a sweat. His hands were clenching his thighs hard enough to bruise, his chest heaved like a dying man, and the only thing shining in his eyes was need. Need for you, need to touch you, need to be buried in you until neither of you could tell where one ended and the next began. Azriel was a gentleman, but right now, here in front of you, he was the embodiment of pure animalistic lust. One word from you and he would snap. Just how you liked him.

You let the shirt part, giving him a nice view of the valley between your breasts, as well as the crossing straps and lower, to where those straps connected. You dragged one side of the shirt down off your shoulder, then repeated the movement on the other side. Finally, you let the shirt drop off of you, leaving you only in that purple set. You stepped closer to him, and caressed his face with your hand.

“Please.” It was barely a whisper, but you heard it, saw his lips part to form the word. His eyes were pleading with yours. He needed you. Now.

“Okay,” was all you said before he was on you, standing, gripping your hips, kissing you, running his hands over all that satin. He was everywhere all at once, biting your lips, coaxing moans from your throat, groaning over the feel of you, and you reveled in it all. His hands came around the back of your thighs, and suddenly you were being picked up and carried down the hall, towards your shared bedroom.

You were placed gently onto the bed, which was still rumpled from your nap earlier. Azriel leaned over you, taking you all in. “I love the purple, but I need you naked,” he said, peppering your jaw with kisses. You reached down to your hips and unhooked the straps from the panties. Azriel quickly figured out how to get your top off, and in a matter of seconds he was dragging the purple satin down your breasts just so his hands and lips could cover them again.

He took one of your nipples into his mouth, rolled the other between his fingers, and sucked and licked and pinched and bit till your chest was littered with marks from him. All the while, moans and whimpers poured out of you. Azriel reveled in the divine sounds you made, the sounds he made you make.

He made his way down your body, drawing closer and closer to where you needed him most.

“Please, baby. Please let me taste you,” he whispered, pleaded, begged. You gave him confirmation, that one word he needed to hear, then he was dragging those purple satin panties down your legs and throwing them across the room. He parted your legs, exposing your glistening core to him. The look in his eyes was that of absolute hunger. He didn’t bother with teasing you. He put his tongue right on your cunt, giving you no time to adjust or think before he licked a stripe from your entrance to your clit, spreading your arousal across his tongue.

You propped yourself up on your elbows so you could watch him; watch as he devoured you, drank from you, absolutely consumed you. He licked and sucked at your clit, brought it between his teeth, and eased the bite with more licks. Your head fell back as you moaned his name, lost in the pleasure he was giving you. Sooner than you even thought possible, you were on the edge of release, that coil in your belly drawing tighter and tighter. Without warning, Azriel slid a finger into you, curling it in a way that had you falling apart. He added a second, and it was your undoing.

You came with Azriel’s name on your lips. He worked you through your pleasure, continued to lick and suck till you were shaking from overstimulation. You pushed his head away, but he wouldn’t budge. He kept on licking you, drinking every drop of your release straight from the source. You were boneless, soar from overstimulation, but you could feel another orgasm rising within you.

Azriel moaned from the taste of you, the vibration making your hips buck. He continued to work his fingers into you, curling perfectly to reach that spot that made you scream. Profanities and pleads and promises poured from your mouth, but Azriel didn’t stop until you were coming again, on his fingers, on his face, on his tongue. Finally, after drinking every last drop of your essence, he worked his way back up to your mouth.

He kissed you until you came back to reality, until your limbs regained function. You kissed him back, moaning from the taste of yourself on his tongue. And then you were pushing him onto his back, straddling his hips to keep him there. He struggled a bit, pointing to his pinned wings, but you only smiled at him. “Is the Illarian baby pinned?” you taunted him. He stopped struggling, but instead glared at you. So you dragged a finger down one of the veins in his wings, and a moan slipped past his lips.

“That's what I thought,” you muttered. He was still fully clothed, and the contrast of your nakedness only spurred you on further. You kissed him, long and deep and unhurried, while you unbuttoned the length of his shirt. He broke the kiss to shed his shirt, so you turned your attention to unlacing his pants. While you worked, he kissed and nipped your neck, working marks into your soft flesh. You worked his pants down his legs, aided with Azriel’s help, and eventually he was naked underneath you.

You pressed him down to lay flat on the bed, then started your journey down towards his hard length. As you worked your way down, you liked and sucked and bit until his skin was littered with marks, just like yours was. You scraped your nails down his arms, down his sides, till he was shivering from your touch.

Kneeling now between his legs, guided a hand towards his length while you kissed his hips and rolled the skin between your teeth. His hips bucked at the fist fell of your hands on him, which made you smile. “So responsive,” you purred, then licked him from base to tip. He let out a moan that had your thighs rubbing together. With your tongue, you licked up the bead of precum that had frond, then promptly took as much of him into your mouth as you could.

Azriel speared his fingers through your hair, not to control your head but to steady himself. Your mouth was a dream to him; warm and wet and perfect. Second best only to your cunt. You hollowed your cheeks, taking him deeper and deeper into your mouth until he was hitting the back of your throat. Az was panting at this point, his skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Your mouth felt so good, but he needed to be inside you.

“I’m gonna…please…I need to be inside you,” he panted out. You pulled your mouth off him with a pop, then gave him one last lick before you climbed your way back up to him. You kissed him, mainly just so he could taste himself on you. Then you positioned your hips just above his, readying yourself to sink onto his length.

Using his hand, he parted you, spreading your slick on you and on his hand. He eased you onto his cock slowly, letting you adjust to him. Every time you took him, it was an adjustment. You hoped that would never change. You both made an obscene noise when he was finally, completely in you.

“You want to be filled, baby?” he asked as he ran the fingers he had parted you with down between your ass cheeks. Yes, you wanted to be full of him, wanted to be overwhelmed by him, wanted to feel him everywhere. You nodded. “Words, love,” he chided softly.

“Yes, please Az,” you wined. That was all you had to say before he worked his fingers into you, using your slick on his fingers as lube. He gripped your hips with the rest of that hand and the other, a bruising grip that was sure to leave bruises.

Azriel was sitting up slightly now, and even though you were on top of him, he set the pace. Slow rolls of your hips guided by his hands started you off. All you could think about was how full of him you were, how overwhelming the feeling of him everywhere was. Your pace quickens, spurred on by your whimpers and his moans. Your eyes were locked with eachothers, and within Azriel’s you saw his bottomless pool of love for you. His pupils were blown wide, and so were yours.

You kissed him, hard, and he returned it even harder. You’re moaning into eachothers mouths, the only goal being to guide each other to your peaks. You could feel that ache building, that need for release drawing closer and closer. Azriel could feel it too, reveling in the way your walls gripped him. He shifted his free hand around to play with your clit, and then you were coming, harder than you had in a while, cresting on a silent scream.

Azriel was right behind you, fucking sloppily into you until you were gripping him so tightly he could barely move. He came, chanting your name like a prayer, until his voice went hoarse.

You both laid there, panting and boneless, for minutes or hours or days, you couldn't tell. Eventually he guided you off of him, pulling out of you with a hiss, to lay you next to him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek before getting up to go to the bathing room. You heard the sound of water rushing into the tub, and in the next minute Azriel came back in, picked you up bridal style, and whisked you into the bathing room.

He set you down gently into the warm water then joined you, settling in right behind you. He pulled you back so your back was against his chest, then proceeded to wash you with a soapy cloth. When he was done you returned the favor, batting his hand away when he tried to protest. You finished up in the bath, dried each other off, then slipped into some sleeping clothes and then bed.

“We’re okay, right?” he asked, pulling you closer to him. Your heart melted, warmed by the idea that he wanted to make sure.

Yes, Az. We’re all good,” you replied, giving him a kiss on the nose.

“Okay. good,” was all he said before he tucked you tighter into him and you both fell asleep.

#acotar #azriel fanfiction #azriel fluff #azriel shadowsinger #comfort #acotar fic #fanfiction #night court #azriel x reader #fluff #angst with a happy ending #angst #smut #azriel smut #acotar smut #azriel angst

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mountttmase · 4 months ago

Text

The Way You Love Me

Note - I promised never to write a fic as long as what I need again but this is longer by 3k so sorry about that 😭 this fic would be nothing without @masonmtxo and just thank you so much for all the hours we spent brainstorming this cause I just had so much fun 🩷 this one’s for you bestie 🤗 this fic is a part two of Like Magnets so if you haven’t read that first please do but if you don’t want to hopefully you can keep up! Love you guys I hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 24.2k

Warnings - smut fluff and angst

You still remember that morning you woke up next to Mason for the first time after you’d reacquainted the night before. You’d been crying like a crazy person and as a result could barely open your eyes but you laid on his chest and watched him intently.

You loved the way his brows were pinched, making him look pissed off in his sleep. It made your heart feel soft and you couldn’t help but reach out to touch them to try and smooth them out. Your fingers shifting him awake slightly but it was worth it so see the smile on his face when his eyes landed on yours.

‘Good morning beautiful’ he sighed, pulling you in closer before leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. ‘You look like you’ve been punched in both eyes’

‘Very funny’ you laughed, rubbing at your eyes to try and do something with them but you knew nothing would make a difference. You could feel they were still swollen from all the crying you’d done last night but right now it was worth it to wake up next to him. ‘Do you have to rush off or do you want breakfast?’

‘I’ll probably have to go sweetheart, I need to get to training’ he pouted and even though you knew that was probably the case you were still sad about him leaving.

‘Okay’ you whispered, a sad smile on your face as he tucked some hair behind your ear and you could tell he was wracking his brain to try and think of something to make you smile.

‘Do you wanna come over to mine tonight?’ He offered, holding your jaw as he stroked your cheek gently and you cursed yourself at that being all it took to make your face light up like the sun.

‘Really? Already?’

‘Yeah, I’m not hiding you or anything anymore. I want you to be a part of my life for real’ he confirmed and even though you told him last night you wanted to take things slow you also knew you had more to talk about. ‘So you’ll come?

‘Okay’ you whispered, giddy and excited about seeing him later and you could see from the smile he was giving you that he felt exactly the same.

‘I’ll send you the address, yeah? And I’ll have dinner waiting for you’

‘I might reconsider in that case’ you joked and the look of shock on his face made you giggle.

‘Cheeky, I’ll get you back for that’ he teased, feeling him move his hands to your waist so he could tickle you relentlessly until you were practically begging him to stop. Pulling him down for a kiss in the end to distract him and you couldn’t help but let out a content hum at the way you melted into each other.

So you went to his that night, him texting you the address along with one of the animal facts he’d saved for you just as promised and you weren’t sure what to expect. It was just his flat as Robin was still in the house but it was still nicer than what you had and you could tell Robin had never set foot in here. It was a man cave to a T but you could tell he’d tidied up a bit for you. Letting you know he’d ordered food so you were safe and you spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa stealing sweet kisses from each other.

‘I like it here, it’s calm’ you commented after a while, watching the corners of his lips tilt up into a soft smile.

‘Well whenever you wanna drop by you can, you know I love having you around’

‘I might take you up on that’ you winked and he was quick to kiss you again. The pair of you not able to keep your hands off of each other it seemed but you weren’t complaining. You’d missed his touch more than you’d realised over the weeks you’d spent apart and now you were back you felt that same force sticking you together again.

‘I hope you do’ he laughed before his face turned serious as he gripped your chin to look at you. ‘What do you think about me introducing you to some people properly soon?

‘Oh? Um I mean-‘

‘Yeah I mean some of my mates know who you are and I’ll tell my family about us soon I promise. You know like when the timings good and-‘

‘Mase wait’ you interrupted. Wanting to stop him in his tracks as he’d clearly got a little ahead of himself and forgot that you’d requested to take things slowly, the thought of having to let him down a bit made your heart hurt but you knew you had to be strong on this one .

‘What’s wrong?’

‘It’s just, it’s a bit fast for me’ you whispered, the sudden realisation changing Mason’s expression in an instant and thankfully you didn’t get the vibe that we was mad or anything.

‘Oh no not you’re right, sorry I just got a bit excited. We've got loads of time for that’

‘I just-‘

‘You don’t need to explain’ he smiled, cutting you off with a quick kiss. ‘You need time and I know that. I’m happy to wait until you’re ready, okay? And if I’m this pushy again just tell me to back off. I’ll take what you give me, just like we agreed’

‘Okay’ you whispered, your heart soaring at the fact he’s actually listened to you and was respecting your boundaries but It wasn’t just Mason going fast that made you pump the brakes. You were nervous about everything that would come with being in his world and meeting everyone as you weren’t sure what people might think of you or if they’d have something to say, but thankfully you were keeping things on the down low for now. Agreeing that you’d take it slow and since the evening you’d spent at his you’d only physically seen him once in three weeks when he came over to yours for a movie night and you realised how much you loved being around him again.

You’d kept in touch with messages and the odd facetime but you missed his touch, his kisses and the way your head fit so perfectly on his chest so after your dinner plans fell through one night, you thought it would be nice to surprise him in hopes you could cook for him or treat him to a takeaway. Taking him up on his offer of popping over whenever you liked and heading over straight from work without letting him know you were on the way.

You weren’t expecting the door to open to a mop of blonde curls though. Their face eyeing you curiously before they sent you a friendly smile and it finally clicked that you’d seen this person before.

‘Oh hey, y/n right? It's nice to see you again’

‘Y-yeah that’s me’ you nodded. Face to face with the boy from the first night you met Mason who didn’t seem to take too kindly to you. ‘Woody right?’

‘Yeah, that’s me’ he laughed, stepping back and nodding you in but you felt awkward and shy and you stepped inside.

‘Sorry, I had no idea you’d be here I was just gonna speak to Mase about something but it’s fine I can come back another time’ you told him, hoping to make it seem like you were just popping in rather than going with the expectation of staying a while.

‘No don’t be silly, come in’ he smiled before you followed him into the sitting room, wondering if Mason would be in there but when you turned the corner there was no one else around. ‘He’s not stopped yapping about you since I’ve seen him. We’re only watching a film so it’s fine, he’s actually just ordering some food. You eaten?’

‘Oh no I um-‘

‘You know what he’s like, eyes bigger than his belly so I’m sure there will be plenty. You might as well stay and eat with us’ he offered and even though his attitude seemed to have done a 180 and he was being more than welcoming you still felt weird about intruding.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Definitely’ he smiled, before he gulped and you knew he was getting ready to say something else. Your heart rate picking up at what might be an awkward encounter but he was talking before you could tell him to stop. ‘Listen, I kinda wanted to talk to you anyway at some point and now seems like as good a time as any. I wanted to apologise for that night, you know when you first met him? I know I didn’t come across as very friendly but you know it was never you right?’

‘I know, you don’t have to be sorry’ you told him, knowing he was just looking out for Mason and it was clear to see he had his back over anything. ‘It was weird for everyone, like I knew nothing at the time and I know you were just looking out for him’

‘I was, and I know how tough things have been for him but I can’t tell you how happy you make him’ he laughed, feeling your cheeks flush straight away at his confession. You knew Mason made you happy but to hear it coming from someone so close to him meant more than anything. ‘It’s like having a whole different Mason around’

‘Well he makes me happy too’ you nodded, speaking quietly as you were embarrassed to admit to him. ‘I know it’s been rocky and weird but-‘

‘I don’t think they understood my southern accent but if my calculations are correct it should be delivered in half an hour’ you suddenly heard Mason shout through the hall, you and Woody turning to look at each other with a smile before Mason rounded the corner and he spotted you straight away. His face a mask of shock but you could tell he was happy and also a little flustered. ‘Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you had plans?’

‘I did, but they got cancelled last minute. I was just popping in but I didn’t realise Woody was here too’

‘I told her she can stay for dinner, you’ve ordered enough right?’ Woody asked him, raising his brows at him. Almost as if he was trying to tell him to act cool but Mason was way beyond that and you could see how giddy he was just at the sight of you.

‘Yeah I have’ he smiled, slowly making his way over to you and as if Woody knew it was his que to go, he excused himself to the loo.

‘Thought he’d never leave’ Mason laughed, falling down next to you on the sofa so he could wrap you up in his arms and you felt your whole body relax as you held each other. ‘Missed you, gorgeous’

‘I missed you too’ you whispered, hiding your head in his neck as you felt too shy to look at him and soon enough he was trying to pull you away so he could see you.

‘Hey, why won’t you look at me’ he laughed, trying to tickle your sides and his plans worked as you started to squirm away but you moved your hands over your face to hide again. ‘Baby, what are you doing?’

‘Stop it, I’ve gone all shy’ you laughed, hoping he’d leave you be but just as you’d figured he did no such thing. Prying your hands away from your face so your red cheeks were exposed to him and the bright smile on his face made you melt.

‘Why are you shy, it’s only me’ he whispered, his own cheeks just as red and you thought it was the most adorable thing in the world.

‘I know’ you giggled, letting him cup your jaw before resting your face in his hand so you could gaze into each other's eyes lovingly before he dipped down to kiss you.

It was like having your first kiss all over again. Slightly hesitant and soft but you could feel his smile on your lips and feel the tsunami of butterflies swarming in your tummy. You loved kissing Mason, and each time you got to kiss him again you remembered how much. Letting him take control as he carefully dipped his tongue into your mouth so he could brush it against yours and in the end you had to pull away as you felt yourself overwhelmed by him. Your heart pounding in your ears as you struggled to catch your breath but his soft smile and kind eyes relaxed you when you were finally able to look at him.

‘You guys want a drink?’ Woody suddenly called, the pair of you jumping slightly and Mason answered for the both of you before he came back to the living room with his arms full of cans from the fridge. They both let you have the first pick before you took your coat off to get comfy on the sofa but Mason was giving you the once over before his face scrunched a little.

‘Do you wanna get changed, love? I’ve got some things you can borrow if you don’t wanna sit in that’ Mason asked, his eyes trailing over your body trapped in your stuffy work trousers and tight top and you couldn’t think of anything better than putting something else on.

‘Actually yeah, if you don’t mind. These trousers are suffocating me’ you laughed but he just nodded at you with a knowing smile.

‘Yeah come on, I’ll go grab you something’ Mason laughed, reaching down to pull you up before leading you down the hall and even though you were just getting changed, having him lead you to his room by the hand made your legs weak.

You followed him in, watching him pull some stuff out of his drawers and handing them to you with a smile before he nodded his head into the bathroom.

‘I won't be long, you can get changed in here’ he told you. Popping a quick kiss to your cheek before he left you to it.

You were just pulling his top over your head when you heard the bathroom door click open. Turning around to see Mason's eyes already over your bare legs and you gulped as he made his way over to you.

‘Sorry, I thought you’d be done’

‘It's okay’ you whispered, placing your hands on his chest as he wrapped his around your lower back and you felt the air shift immediately.

‘Sorry about Woody, I know you waited to wait to meet people’

‘It’s honestly fine, I think we’re gonna be besties’ you winked and the little laugh that erupted from him filled you with pride. You knew he had the prettiest smile you’d ever seen and you loved making him laugh, getting to see him so happy made you feel like you were floating.

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Yeah, apparently I make you really happy and you don’t stop talking about me’ you teased, letting him kiss your cheek and jaw but you almost lost it when you felt his lips at you ear so he could speak.

‘Woody is many things but he’s not a liar, so yeah I’d say that’s all true’ he told you quietly. ‘Woodys a nice entry level, if he’s on board then the rest will be fine when it’s time’

‘Masey’ you whispered, letting him pull back to look at you properly and you could see in his eyes that you both wanted the same thing to happen next. ‘Can I have another kiss?’ You asked, the question only leaving your mouth for a second before he dipped his head and planted lips on yours.

This was nothing like the kiss in the living room. This was slow and steamy and when his hands gripped your bum you let out a faint moan before he hoisted you up to carry you over to his bed. Sitting down at the end so you could straddle him and when you felt his hands on your naked waist as he slipped them under your top you almost lost it.

This was as close as you’d gotten to each other in a while, having not been intimate since he ran out on you after and since you were taking things slowly, sex had been off the table. Ideally you were hoping you could have held out a bit longer and make him work for it, you were drawn back to him like usual. Wanting to touch him and feel him in every way shape and form as you pressed your body into him until you could feel him pressing into you.

‘Mase! Foods here’ Woody suddenly shouted down the hall, the pair of you jumping away from each other before looking up at him. His eyes dark and pretty lips were swollen but he quickly pressed a kiss to your cheek before rolling his eyes

‘Coming’ he called before looking back at you and you both knew you were a little annoyed at being interrupted again but also knew it was for the best. ‘Come back when you’re ready, yeah?’ He nodded, stroking your cheek gently.

‘Okay’ you whispered and with one final kiss he left you to finish getting changed. Giving yourself a moment to collect yourself before pulling on a pair of his shorts and wandering back out to find the pair of them in the kitchen and the smell of the food made your tummy rumble.

‘I forgot to ask, what did you order?’ You asked, coming up behind Mason and placing your hand on his back which made him jump slightly but he was quick to send you a wink.

‘Chinese’ he smiled. ‘Don’t worry, I conveniently ordered your favourite. It’s like I knew you were coming’

‘Why did you do that?’

‘Well I’d consider it our favourite now. You’ve made me see the light’ he winked before dishing you up two identical plates.

‘I feel awful, are you sure there’s enough?’

‘Of course there is love, even got some left over’ he reassured you, planting a quick kiss on your forehead before grabbing both your plates and ushering you into the living room.

You all spoke as you ate, Mason and Woody updating you on some exciting plans and trips they had coming up before Mason was nudging your shoulder and telling you he wanted to take you away at some point but you just blushed as you tried to brush him off. Knowing it was way too early to think about trips when you were still figuring out what everything was.

‘So when can I take you on that first date?’ Mason asked once you’d finished eating. Popping your plates on the coffee table as Woody set the movie up and thankfully Mason pulled you into his body without you having to ask for a cuddle.

‘Whenever you like’ you nodded and the smile on his face my your heart flutter.

‘Okay, perfect. What would you like to do? Remember I said I’d take you wherever you wanna go so think carefully’

‘Hmmm’ you mused, wondering if you should say something completely ridiculous to test the waters as he seemed so cool about everything and when you sent him a cheeky smile he raised his brows at you expectantly. ‘I fancy pizza… in Italy’

‘Pizza in Italy?’

‘You said whatever I want’ you shrugged, watching his face scrunch up adorably as he knew he’d walked into that one but he didn’t seem phased by your request in the slightest.

‘I did say that didn’t I’ he laughed, kissing your cheek sweetly ‘I’ll make it happen’

‘I’m joking Mase’ you told him, knowing if you didn’t he’d actually take you there and the cheeky smile in his face wasn’t exactly doing anything to calm your nerves.

‘No no, I’ll do it-‘

‘Oi, fingers on lips you two. I can’t hear this’ Woody laughed, the two of you bursting into giggles at how stroppy he seemed but you felt bad enough for ruining boys night so you snuggled into Masons chest as he rested his head on top of yours and kept silent for the rest of the movie. Letting Mason kiss your forehead whenever he felt like it and sneak his hand under your top so he could feel your skin under his fingers.

You fell asleep on Mason's chest with around ten minutes left of the film to go. Mason noticing straight away that you’d turned heavy and your breathing was deeper but he let you sleep. Knowing today had been a long day for you and you were exhausted but he couldn’t help but look down at you adoringly. Pressing the softest of kisses to your hairline every so often until the credits were rolling and and he looked over to see wishing giving him a knowing smile that he returned.

‘You gonna wake her up?’ Woody asked quietly but Mason was torn. Looking back down at you so peacefully sleepily on him make him not want to move a muscle.

‘I don’t know what to do. I’d let her sleep here tonight but I don’t know what she wants. She’s had a lot on lately I don’t wanna wake her up’

‘Well you can’t lay there all night, you’ll do your back in’ Woody laughed, standing up so he could stretch his body out but clearly he’d forgotten the remote was on his lap and when it crashed to the floor you woke up with a fright.

‘Shit, sorry’ he whispered, his face turning red instantly but Mason was quick to rub your back and settle you again as your bleary eyes looked up into his.

‘Hey sleepyhead’ he whispered. ‘Do you want me to talk you home’

‘Not really’ you sighed, trying to burrow yourself into his chest even further as you were so comfortable and the rubble of Mason's chest as he laughed made you giddy.

‘Come on love, we need to get up’

‘Nooo’ you protested. Holding your ground as you laid there and you could tell he was amused by your little tantrum.

‘What do you wanna do then?’

‘I think she wants to stay the night, Mase’ Woody called from the kitchen. It making you smile that Woody understood and Mason didn’t and when he looked down at you his cheeks were a bright pink.

‘Do you?’ He whispered, holding you to his chest like he wasn't about to let you go anyway and when you nodded up at him you felt his whole body relax.

‘Is that okay?’

‘Of course it is, You don’t have to ask’ he told you. Kissing your hairline a few times before attempting to get up and eventually you moved yourself off of him and let him lead you to his room.

‘Thank you’ you whispered, ridding yourself of the shorts he gave you so you could sleep in just his shirt and when he eventually climbed in next to you in just his boxers you couldn’t hold in the content hum as your skin touched his.

‘You don’t need to thank me, gorgeous. You know I’ve been dying to be next to you again like this’ he told you. Kissing your head softly wherever he could reach. ‘What time do you need to go in the morning?’

‘I’m working from home tomorrow so I can just get a cab or something’

‘No you won’t, I’ll drop you on the way to training okay?’ He smiled and all you could do was nod and nestle yourself into him further.

This was your happy place and you were so excited to be back.

He stuck to his promise and drove you home in the morning and by the time lunch rolled around this sight of his name popping up on your phone made you giggle like a schoolgirl.

You knew exactly what this meant, and after your heated make out session that Woody had interrupted you couldn’t wait to get your hands on him again. In your mind you’d wanted to wait a bit longer but you physically couldn’t at this point as you were once again drawn back to him and now that you knew he might want to make your first time special you couldn’t stop thinking about what he might be planning.

You saw him briefly once for a quick lunch date on one of his days off but it was for barely over an hour as you had to get back to work but you both knew what was coming up and no matter how much you asked he wasn't giving in and telling you where you were going so your imagination was running wild.

When the day of your date finally came, Mason's driver came and picked you up around 8am. A horrifically early morning by your standards but you wanted to get there early so you could check in and get settled and ready for Mason and in the back of his fancy car with a movie on, the drive didn’t feel that long.

You didn’t know what hotel you were staying at exactly, Mason had given you the name but you’d never heard of it and hadn’t bothered to look it up but when you eventually stumbled from the back of the car it you thought you’d been dropped off at the wrong destination.

‘Are you sure this is it?’ You asked the driver as he unloaded your case but he nodded at you warmly as he set it up on the floor for you.

‘100%’ he laughed. Clearly catching on to your stunned expression. There were fancy hotels and there were fancy hotels and this was definitely the latter. ‘Reception is just through that door, will you be alright or do you want me to come in with you?’ He offered and even though you could have used his support, you felt a bit silly so just shook your head lightly.

‘I’ll be alright, thanks though’ you smiled and bid him a quick goodbye before making your way inside.

The reception was huge, a high ceiling with a grand chandelier and you must have looked a bit lost as someone directed you to the check in desk and you were checked in fairly quickly. Taking both room keys as Mason said he’d just text you when he was here so you could let him in and you made your way up to the top floor.

Once the door was open you wondered again if something had gone wrong somewhere. The room was huge with a huge double bed and balcony but the glass walled bathroom that you could see straight into made you blush. The shower being the perfect spot to watch from the bed and your mind was going crazy with all the possibilities.

Mason had told you to treat yourself to room service for lunch before you got settled for a nap, knowing Mason would still be a few hours and once you were awake you took and everything shower before you started getting ready. You were expecting a call from Mason at any moment and just as you’d finished drying your hair you heard your phone ping and you knew he was outside.

‘Hello gorgeous’ he smiled, cupping your jaw and pulling you into a kiss that made your knees weak before you let him in fully. Letting him dump his bag on the bed before he turned to look at you again and the cheeky smirk on his face was making you blush. ‘Nice robe’

You laughed as you looked down at yourself, not wanting to get fully dressed after your shower you’d just changed into the rather racy black underwear you’d bought specifically for tonight and thrown the fancy hotel robe over the top so you could get ready in some comfort but you could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to undress you right here and now.

‘Well I’ve never been in a hotel this fancy, and I’ve always wanted to try the robes on so I’m just living my little fantasy’

‘Trust me, so am I’ he drawled, his eyes all over you as he took you back in his arms. Hands trailing down to grab your bum as his lips landed on your cheek before he littered kisses down your neck and you knew exactly what he wanted.

‘Nuh uh, I need to finish getting ready with no distractions’ you told him, pulling away so you could walk over to your makeup bag but you knew he was pouting behind you.

‘But I haven’t seen you for a week’

‘And we got all night to make up for it’ you reasoned, flashing him a smile before picking your bag up and nodding towards the balcony. ‘Now I’m going to do my makeup’

‘Spoil sport’ he laughed, kissing your forehead as you made your way past. ‘I’m gonna have a shower okay’

It was probably a good thing that you were doing your makeup outside and away from Mason, knowing that if he was showering you’d be able to see him in all his glory and you’d probably end up joining him so you kept yourself out of the way and only went back in to get changed. Taking a few lipstick options into the bathroom with you as you were still undecided and wanted to be fully dressed before you settled on a colour.

Your outfit was fairly simple, a short black dress that showed off your legs but the long sleeves kept it a touch more conservative and you knew Mason would love the way it clung to your body and accentuated your hips.

You’d never worn it before, but the tube of red lipstick you’d purchased a while ago and never opened had called your name whilst you were packing last night. Wondering if Mason would like it and since you’d kept the rest of your makeup pretty simple you figured it would be fine to try. Applying it as carefully as you could so you didn’t smudge it and once you were done you wondered why you hadn’t tried it sooner. You felt sexy and you couldn’t wait to go and see what Mason thought.

His jaw physically dropped as soon as soon as he saw you. Eyes trailing all over you as he took every inch of you in and you felt yourself blush under his stare. No one else had ever made you feel this way by just a look and it was like he had the power to make you crumble.

‘You look unreal’ he breathed, walking towards you slowly before resting his hands on your waist. ‘I wanna kiss that lipstick off you so bad’

‘Well you can’t, not till later anyway’ you told him as his pout was evident. Kissing your temple and your cheek before pulling back to give you another once over and you felt your tummy flutter at the way he was looking at you.

‘This is like torture’ he whispered, squeezing your hips but the way you bit your lip as you smiled clearly send him over the edge as he met out a shuddery breath. ‘That's it, we’re not going’

‘Mason-’

‘Nope sorry, I won’t be able to concentrate on anything if I’m sat opposite the human embodiment of Betty boop. I can barely think of a coherent thought right now so let’s just skip dinner’ he laughed and even though you knew he was joking the thought of a whole evening between the sheets with Mason was tempting. You were starving though and curious as to what he’d planned so you pouted up at him in hopes he’d finish getting ready so you could go.

‘But Mason, I’m hungry’

‘Me too, but not for food’

‘Mason I’m serious’ you laughed, tapping his chest as he wrapped himself around you again but you could see he was only playing and with a slight roll of his eyes he was smiling at you again.

‘Alright fine, let me finish getting ready and we’ll go yeah?’

‘Thank you’ you grinned. Letting him kiss the end of your nose and before you knew it he was ready in front of you. Your mouth watering at how good he looked and now you knew how he must have felt before as all you wanted was to drag him back to bed and have your way with him finally.

You managed to restrain yourself though, the pair of you leaving the room and making your way into the Uber outside and you’d been driving around for around ten minutes when you realised you still had no idea where you were going.

‘So where are we going then?’ You asked nonchalantly, hoping he’d forget it was a surprise but the twinkle in his eye let you know you were still about to be kept in the dark.

‘I thought you knew? Pizza in Italy right?’ He winked, watching a pout form on your lips that he was quick to kiss away carefully. ‘It’s a surprise’

You let him have his fun, driving for another ten minutes or so before you pulled over and Mason helped you get out of the car. This wasn’t an area of London you knew very well and when you looked up at him he was smiling down at you sheepishly.

‘Where are we?’

‘Little Venice’ he smiled as he took your hand and you felt your cheeks redden at how thoughtful he’d been. ‘I know it’s not Italy but it’s the closest we have’

‘Mason… this is…’ you mumbled. Lost for words for the boy in front of you and even though this was already the best date you’d even been on you could tell he was still eager to impress.

‘Is it okay?’ He asked, squeezing your hand as his eyes tried to find yours but you were feeling shy at the way he’d put so much effort in and you couldn’t look at him properly.

‘I’m speechless’

‘Is that good or bad?’

‘It’s very good’ you smiled, finally looking back to him before reaching up to give him a quick peck on the lips as you knew he needed a little reassurance. It seemed to do the trick and before long he was guiding you along the narrow path by the canal until your eyes caught sight of a restaurant that was situated above you on a bridge. ‘Is that where we’re going?’

‘Surprise’ he laughed, letting go of your hand so he could wrap his arm around your shoulder before kissing your head and it was like you were lost for words all over again. Looking up to see his shy smile directed down at you but you were too gobsmacked to think.

‘Mase… it’s beautiful’

‘Just like you then’ he whispered shyly before taking your hand once more and leading you to the door.

It was just as beautiful inside and your table was outside on the middle of the balcony so you could look over the river. Your eyes filling with tears as soon as you were able to take everything in but Mason was quick to grab your hand and run his thumb over your knuckles to settle you a bit.

‘Mase… this is…’

‘Just the tip of the iceberg’ he smiled. ‘I’m gonna treat you the way I should have from the start so you’re gonna have to get used to this’ he told you sincerely but you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be able to get used to it. You felt utterly spoiled and you’d only just sat down.

Thankfully you and Mason liked the same sort of foods so after starting off with some cocktails you ended up ordering a pizza to share and a pasta that the both of you thought sounded nice so you could share that too and you had to stop yourself from getting too giddy as he tried to feed you multiple times throughout the night.

‘How’s the pizza?’ He asked, taking a bite out of the slice he’d just fed you with but the way he rolled his eyes in pleasure let you know he thought it was good.

‘Really nice, what do you think?’

‘I like it, we can compare it to the real thing soon’ he winked but you just looked back at him in confusion until he nodded to a white envelope that was sat in front of the menus that you’d completely missed until now.

You sent him a confused look, but he didn’t crack. Waiting for you to open it before he said anything so you took it carefully and opened it with a slight frown. Unsure as to what it could be but you recognised they were plane tickets instantly.

‘Mason…’

‘It’s not for a few months, have to wait till the season ends, but I promised I’d make it happen and I will’ he smiled.

‘I can’t… Mase it’s too much’ you told him. Shutting the envelope as you were too overwhelmed with what he might have done but he was quick to take your hand and rub his thumb over your knuckles soothingly.

‘Nothing will ever be too much for you, I promise’ he told you lowly and the intensity of it all was making your tummy flip. No longer feeling confident enough to look at his face so you looked down at your plate as you blushed profusely.

‘You still think you’ll be with me in a few months?’ you joked and even though he smiled you could he was about to be serious with you and you weren’t sure if you could take it right now given his emotional you were.

‘I think it’s more you thinking if you wanna be with me’ he smiled. ‘You know I’m in this for the long hall right? You're all I’ll ever need okay?’

‘I’m in this for the long hall too’ you smiled, letting him raise your hand so he could kiss over your knuckles and it was like you could have melted on the spot. You knew tonight was going to be special but Mason really had pulled out all the stops and you couldn’t be more grateful for the beautiful boy in front of you. Tonight feeling like a turning point for you both.

You spent the rest of the night chatting and feeding each other. The pair of you too full for a dessert each so he let you pick whatever you wanted and shared it with you. Pulling his chair round next to yours and under the table you felt him tangle his legs with yours before sending you a cheeky wink and it’s as if you felt as light as air. Nothing and no one could stop you tonight and you couldn’t believe you’d finally made it to this point with him.

Just before leaving you popped to the loo but when you got back Mason wasn’t at your table, wondering if he’d gone to the loo himself but when you sat back down you saw him talking to a waiter just across the room. A concerned look on his face as they talked back and forth before his eyes fell on your and his face softened slightly. Nodding to the waiter and thanking him before walking back to you and when he took your hands in his you knew something was wrong.

‘We’ve got a bit of a situation’ he told you calmly but you could tell he was slightly annoyed. ‘Apparently there’s paps outside’

‘Oh’

‘It’s okay, I’ve got a plan. I think it’s best we don’t get caught together just yet, you know? And that’s not me trying to hide you or anything, I can’t wait for the day I get to show you off but just cause of Robin and everything I-‘

‘Mase it’s okay, I get it’ you smiled. ‘I don’t really want to start a shit storm either’ you told him and the look of relief that took over his face made your heart thump. Clearly he was terrified of what you were going to say but you knew by now the trick with Mason was to keep calm and reassure him he was doing the right thing.

‘Okay, so I’ve called an Uber, one of the waiters is gonna walk you out and put you in the car and I’ve told them to do a few laps before coming to get me. I don’t care if they get my picture I just wanna keep you safe, okay?’

‘Okay’ you smiled, letting him kiss the back of your hand gently. You could see he was panicking about it all a little bit but you knew you’d be fine and the way he was trying so hard to protect you was making you melt.

‘I’m so sorry, I’m not sure who called them but I know it’s shit’

‘Mase, it’s okay’ you reassured him, knowing it wasn’t his fault and that he’d tried to keep this as intimate as he could so you tried to keep his spirits up whilst the Uber made its way so nothing could ruin your evening.

‘Ubers outside okay? If you need me just text me and I’ll come’ he told you as he helped you put your jacket on.

‘I’ll be fine’ you smiled. Giving his cheek a quick kiss before meeting the waiter by the door who gave you a soft smile and opened the door to let you out.

You could hear the commotion of the paps outside, around five of them with their cameras poised ready to shoot but when Mason was nowhere to be seen they went back to talking. Keeping an eye on you for the most part and you knew they were watching you get into the car but thankfully no one took your picture.

It was around five minutes later when you pulled back up to the restaurant, a little ways further down but not too far away so that Mason would struggle to find you and you quickly uploaded a few pictures to instagram while you waited for him.

y/n

liked by

y/n it’s not pizza in Italy, but it’ll do.

comments are limited

After a minute or two you saw the flashes from the cameras meaning Mason had left. He walked quickly but calmly, sending them a quick nod before dropping his head down and getting to you as quickly as he could and sliding in next you with a huff but your driver was quick to leave and thankfully the paps couldn’t get close.

‘There we go, no one suspects a thing’ he laughed. Finally settling in the seat and taking your hand to he could hold it in his lap and even though you were glad to bet getting away you didn’t think you were out of the woods yet.

‘Do you think we should let someone know? Just in case they post the pictures of you?’

‘Nah, no point. Man leaves London restaurant isn’t exactly a hard hitting story’

‘You’re not just any man though are you?’ You laughed, not believing how nonchalant he was being and the cheeky smile he sent you let you know he still wasn’t being serious.

‘You’re right, I’m your man’ he winked before placing a quick kiss to your forehead.

You were almost back at the hotel when a weird noise from Mason's phone startled the both of you and he picked it up with a confused expression as he tried to work out what had happened.

‘What the… I can’t believe it’

‘Mase? What is it?’ You questioned, seeing his expression turn angry and you gulped as his eyes flickered to yours and then back to his phone.

‘Think I know who called the paps. Not for certain but I’ve got a good idea’

‘What? Who was it?’

He didn’t speak, just showed you the notification on his phone but you weren’t exactly sure what you were looking at to begin with.

‘What? I don’t understand’ you whispered, even seeing her name written down sent a shiver through you and after such a nice evening you wondered if this would be the start of the downfall.

‘I forgot she was linked to my calendar, she’s the only person who would have called them cause I added it in there and I’m guessing she could see we were there. She knows how much I hate it when the paps show up and she’s bloody notorious for it’ he told you. Your mind wandering back to the photos of him and her leaving the restaurant he was meant to take you to and now it all made so much more sense.

‘Well at least they didn’t get any of me’ you reasoned but you knew he was still angry about it. ‘It’s fine Mase, please just forget about her’ you whispered and you watched his face drop as he realised how talking about his ex was probably the last thing you wanted to be doing on your first date so he gently tilted your face to look up at him before leaving a gentle kiss on your lips

‘I did a long time ago, I promise’ he whispered, trying his best to reassure you and the sad smile you sent his way broke his heart a little bit. ‘I’m sorry baby, come on. let’s not let her spoil our evening. I’ve got big plans for you when we get back’

‘Oh yeah’ you asked, one eyebrow raised and you tried to hold back a smile ‘like what?’

‘Just you wait and see’ he teased. Kissing the back of your hand before the car came to a stop outside your hotel.

‘Will you shut your eyes for me please?’ He asked, stopping outside your door with a cheeky smile on his face and you were about to question him but he seemed so excited so you just did it. Letting him lead you into your room until he made you stop completely and when he softly told you to open your eyes, the sight you were met with almost took your breath away.

The lights had been dimmed, a few candles were twinkling away on the sides but it was the rose petals scattered all over the bed that made your cheeks burn and you looked up to see him looking down at you shyly.

‘What’s all this?’

‘Put in a little request downstairs to have it all done for when we got back. I just wanted to make things special for you’

‘Masey’ you pouted, holding him by his jaw so you could pop a quick but heavy kiss on his lips and even though it was only small you could tell how happy he was you’d finally properly kissed him with your lipstick on.

‘Can you imagine if they forgot and I made you shut your eyes for nothing, that would have been so awkward’ he laughed, spinning you so he could hold you from behind and kiss your neck but you felt yourself melting into him and knew it was your turn to tease him a little bit too.

‘You know Mase, this is very presumptuous. I don’t usually put out on the first date’

‘No? You put out that first night we met’ he chuckled, his lips right by your ear as he kissed the shell of it and you felt a tingle run all the way down your spine as he loved on you.

‘That wasn’t a date though, that was an ambush’ you told him. Your voice already sounding breathy and he began to stroke his hands over your sides and at this point you were finding it hard to stand up.

‘What about when I took you out for dinner the second time we met. Seem to remember I ended up in your bed again’

‘That was just two friends catching up’

‘Oh is that what we’re calling it’ he smiled, leaning over further to kiss the corner of your mouth and you could have melted on the spot. ‘So no sex tonight then?’

‘I think I could make an exception’ you told him quietly, letting him spin you around so you were face to face again and his soft smile made your breath catch in your throat. No one had ever looked at you the way Mason did and you knew you were putty in his hands no matter how hard you tried to be strong.

‘That’s the spirit’ he laughed, watching his face turn serious before he gently bumped his nose against yours. The action making you smile as you griped his shoulders gently and the need to kiss him became overwhelming. Thankfully you could see it in his eyes that he wanted the same and you couldn’t wait to finally have him again. ‘Can I kiss you now?’

You’d barely nodded and his lips were on yours. It was messy and frantic as he grabbed at you, clearly not able to control himself after not having you for so long and you knew you’d both be covered in lipstick now but you didn’t care. Your need for him was stronger than any of that worrying so you let him have you. Kissing him until there was no air left in your lungs and you had to pull back but the red lipstick all around his mouth made you feel triumphant.

‘Shall we go clean our faces first?’ You asked but he just shook his head before running his thumb across your bottom lip and dragging it down your chin to your jaw. You knew your messed up lipstick was even worse now, letting him grab your neck and kiss along where the mark was and you had to hold onto his shoulders tightly so you didn’t crumple to the floor as your legs were so weak. ‘You sure Mase? We’re just gonna make a mess’

‘That’s what I want. I want you to make a mess all over me’ he growled into your neck and you couldn't contain the moan that fell from your lips. Letting him pull you over to the bed and onto his lap and you could feel him through his jeans already as you straddled his thighs.

He eventually let you grab some wipes to clean you both up. Telling him it was like making out with a clown and you didn’t want to stain the white sheets so you carefully scrubbed the lipstick off of him as he sat and watched you but you could tell he was eager to have you. His hands massaging your thighs gently and once you told him you were all done he wasted no time in gripping your hips and kissing you once more. This time a little softer and slower and you were glad you were sitting down still as you could feel yourself melting into him.

His little kisses moved across your face and to your jaw, peppering them across until he was trailing them down your neck and trying to attack your collar bones. You could feel his hands pulling at your top, trying to untuck it from your skirt and once he had peeled it from your body his hands were unclipping your bra and throwing that to the side too. Leaving you sat on his lap completely bare from the waist up and the sudden exposure to the cold air made your skin erupt in goosebumps.

Now you were exposed to him he wasted no time in attaching his lips to your chest. Moaning with you in unison as he sucked on the hardened bud and you couldn’t help but buck your hips slightly. His warm hands splayed out over your back made you shiver but you loved how he was devouring you like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Kissing down the valley of your breasts before giving the other side the same treatment and when he finally looked up at you his eyes were dark and wild.

‘I hope you know you won’t be sleeping tonight’ he told you breathlessly, lips brushing yours as he spoke but it was his eyes rolling in the back of his head as you massaged his scalp lightly that turned you on more than anything else.

‘You better have got late check out then’

‘I’m nothing if not prepared’ he winked and you knew then you were in for a wild ride.

He stuck to his word and you really didn't get much sleep. Between endless rounds of making each other feel good you found yourselves laying half on top of each other as you spoke. Mason's excitement for your future was contagious and even though you wanted to take things slowly you found yourself wanting to say things to him you never had before.

You’d forgotten how good it felt to have him in between your thighs, to have him take care of you in a way no one else could. To let him do exactly what you needed him to and as he rocked himself into you slowly with his forehead resting on yours you found yourself wanting to say so much but you were lost for words.

You felt as light as air as he kissed your cheeks, peppering them gently across your jaw and up to your ear where his light moans travelled straight to your brain and made you tingle. Your hands wandering the expanse of his back as you lightly trailed your nails over him and when you finally grabbed a hold of one of his cheeks he growled into your neck.

‘I love every single part of you’ you he whispered. You hadn't heard him say that to you since that night in your flat as you weren’t quite ready to say it back but clearly he couldn’t hold it in anymore. ‘I’ve known from the second I saw you’

‘Mase-‘

‘Shhhhh, it’s okay. I know’ he told you and even though you wanted to speak you couldn’t. His lips claiming yours again as he brought you to a high once more and by the time you’d recovered you were barely conscious. He’d really put you to the test tonight and knew you were exhausted after the hours you’d spent between the sheets so he finally let you rest. Getting you comfortable in his arms so you could drift off and before long you were out for the count.

You were awoken the next morning by the feeling of Mason's lips on your cheeks. Peppering soft kisses repetitively until you were squirming in his hold and you couldn’t remember ever waking up so happy before.

‘Good morning, sweetheart’ he whispered carefully, trying his best not to startle you as you carefully awoke but when you smiled at him softly his lips curled into your favourite smile. ‘As pretty as you look when you’re asleep, you need to wake up my love. Check outs in an hour yeah?’ He told you and you couldn't contain your huff. Barely opening your eyes to look at him but you could see his pout of sympathy for you. ‘I know beautiful, I’m sorry. But it is almost midday’ he chuckled and even though you knew he was right, you shut your eyes again and got comfy.

Even though you were awake he was still pressing kisses to your face, the sound of your giggles mixing together as you tried to hide but he always managed to find somewhere to kiss. Eventually pressing his lips to yours in a sweet kiss that made your toes curl and when he pulled back to rest his forehead on yours you couldn’t contain yourself anymore. The words you’d been holding in for a while now tumbling out of your mouth in a barely there whisper.

‘I love you’

You could tell Mason was shocked. Not expecting to hear that from you quite clearly but the smile on his face was contagious. He’d told you he loved you before but knew you weren’t ready for all of that yet so had cooled off on it until he couldn’t hold it in last night but you knew he loved you as he proved it to you everyday with all the small things he did.

‘You what?’

‘I said, I love you’ you told him again, a bit more forcefully this time as you wanted him to know you meant it and the look of relief on his face made your chest warm.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes’ you laughed, kissing him lightly but he was too in shock to reciprocate. Looking back to see his eyes looking a little bleary as his emotions took over and you knew it must have hit him hard.

‘I love you too’ he whispered, laughing as he kissed again but you knew straight away where he was trying to take things and even though you wanted to, you didn’t have time for that right now.

‘Hold your horses, big boy. We don't have time’ you giggled and when he frowned at you you made the same face back.

‘What? You’ve just told me you loved me and now I’m not allowed to do anything about it?’

‘You said we’ve only got an hour’ you argued but you knew he was about to argue back and you had to be strong.

‘I can be quick-‘

‘Mason’ you laughed. ‘I love you, but no’

‘Fine’ he huffed, pressing one last kiss to your lips before moving away from you. ‘I’m just gonna jump in the shower, okay. I love you’ he whispered and you nodded with a smile at him before he left the comfort of your bed to head into the bathroom.

You wondered if this was the whole reason he got this particular room in the first place, the glass bathroom was completely open and as you laid on your side you had a perfect view of Mason under the shower. You knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, at least you didn’t think he was, but watching his hands roam across his wet body was getting you right in the mood and before you knew it you were knelt up on the bed completely naked in front of him while he stood and watched you. His mouth hanging open as you brushed your fingers softly over your body in an attempt to turn him on like he was doing to you as a little bit of pay back. Knowing he couldn’t get to you easily as the glass wall was in the way but you should have realised by now Mason always got what he wanted.

He was rounding the corner back into the room in a flash. Soap bubbles and splatters of water following in his wake and you squealed as he grabbed a hold of you so he could carry you back into the shower with him.

‘You can’t tell me no and then tease me like that, I won’t have it’ he laughed. Setting you down before pulling you under the warm water and you barely had time to think before he was pressing you up against the slippery tiles.

‘Mase-‘

‘Shhh, I don’t wanna hear it’ he whispered, his hand flying straight to where you needed him so he could circle over you gently and his first touch made you gasp. Knotting your fingers through his hair as he rested his forehead on yours and you knew you were blushing from the intense eye contact he was already holding you captive with.

‘I’ll go slow, yeah?’ He told you quietly but you could already feel his fingers inching back towards your entrance and when he finally began to push his digits in you let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding.

Even though you’d had him multiple times the night before, it still wasn’t enough for you. He would never be enough for you so you took his already hard length in your hand and began to pump him until his eyes were rolling back in his head and he was moving closer to finally get inside you again.

He managed to hook your leg over his arm so you were more open to him and you gasped as he pushed his way inside.

‘You thought you could do that to me and get away with it, huh?’ He breathed, not letting you answer as he kissed you deeply as he snapped his hips back and forth quickly.

You knew he was trying to get out both over the line quickly as you didn’t have time to mess about but as both your highs approached you felt him slow down. Your leg still hooked up over his arm as his other held you at your waist but you moved your hands to cup his jaw so you could look straight into his eyes.

You didn’t know what it was but things felt different. Your wet bodies sliding against each other as you moaned into each other's mouths. Yours eyes all over each other's faces until they settled on looking straight into the others and it was like time was frozen. Just you and the boy you loved as he tried his hardest to push you over the line and you thought you might burst. Stroking your thumbs up and down his neck carefully as you held his shoulders and you wondered how your legs hadn’t given out yet.

You could see it was a lot for him, his skin covered in goosebumps as his dark eyes bore into yours and you knew you were feeling the same feelings. An uncontrollable feeling of love ripping through you for the boy who was resting his head on yours.

‘Y/n.. fuck I-I’ he stuttered, too overcome with emotion to get his words out properly but you just kissed him in hopes he’d relax and keep going.

‘Shhh it’s okay. I know Mase, I feel it too’ you reassured him and the squeeze of you bum let you know he was just as close as you were.

‘God, I love you so fucking much’

‘I love you too’ you whimpered, looking back up into his eyes and you could see they’d become glossy. Clearly too stunned with how he was feeling and when he shivered under your fingertips you knew it wasn’t because of the temperature of the water.

You only let yourselves indulge in each other for a few moments longer as you knew you needed to get dry and dressed. Content with holding each other under the water for a few moments before you both got out and packed up. Mason managing to get himself ready a few minutes before you as you were just zipping up your bag when he groaned behind you.

‘Ah fuck’ you suddenly heard. Turning round to face Mason who was sat on the end of the bed and even though he sounded pissed off, he couldn't hold back a smile.

‘What’s up?’ You asked. Finally zipping your bag up as you were all packed and ready to go but by the look on Mason's face you could tell there was about to be another delay.

‘Come here’ he asked, patting the space on the bed next to him and once you’d taken your seat he passed you his phone and your eyes fell to the photo of Mason immediately. One of him in the same outfit he was wearing last night and it only hit you then that it was last night.

‘What’s this’ you questioned, reading through the article as quickly as you could to get a sense of what was happening and every word made you feel cold.

‘Some shit someone’s published about us last night. You’re my mystery woman apparently’ he laughed but you could tell he was a little pissed about it.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, my brother sent it to me and he’s not happy in the slightest’ Mason groaned. ‘Bad for my image apparently. I should have listened to you last night and told him this might be coming I guess’

‘Sorry, Mase’ you pouted, handing him his phone back but he just wrapped his arm around your back and sent you a small shy smile.

‘Not your fault at all gorgeous’ he winked before placing a quick kiss to your forehead. ‘I’m gonna go call him quickly and clear the air yeah? You finish getting ready and we’ll go home’ he told you and you left him to take his call outside. Watching him pace up and down as he spoke to whoever he needed to but you couldn't tell how it was going as he was keeping his expression blank.

‘How did it go?’ You asked as he walked back in and flopped down next to you. Pulling on your waist so you’d lay with him and once you’d settled on his chest he kissed your forehead sweetly.

‘He put me on the phone to my mum, she’s kinda pissed and I had to tell her about you. I know you wanted things kept quiet for now but I couldn’t not say’ he explained and you could tell he was worried about telling you but you knew it wasn't his fault.

‘No don’t be silly, it’s probably better they know’

‘Well I’m not sure about that cause she wants to meet you now’

‘Oh’ you breathed, knowing it was quicker than you wanted it to be but you knew you’d have to face them one day.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort it all out okay?’ He reassured you, kissing your forehead gently as he stroked your hair and you couldn’t help but feel calmer about it. He always had that effect on you. ‘You've got nothing to worry about, they’ll love you’

‘I’m not so sure about that’

‘Why wouldn't they? I love you and you make me happy so that’s all they should care about. The rest is none of their business’ he told you and you knew that’s how he saw things as he’d feel the same for his family if it was the other way around but you presumed they were protective over the baby of the family. ‘Trust me, I’m more annoyed than you are, won’t let me keep my girlfriend a secret for more than five minutes’

‘Girlfriend, huh? Who’s she?’ You teased, looking up at him with a smirk and you saw a look of shock flicker over his face as he realised what he’d said until he smiled it off.

‘Well I mean you told me you loved me this morning, I just presumed’ he joked but you could tell he was a little embarrassed about it still and the bridge of his nose flushed red but you reached up to kiss him softly letting him know it was fine.

‘I haven’t been a girlfriend for a long time’

‘Don’t worry, you’re already the best one I’ve ever had’ he winked, the pair of you laughing as he pulled you into his body. ‘Come on, gorgeous. We’ve got a long drive and I think I want some snacks’ he told you and even though you hated to be going you were excited for the drive with him as you’d never been in his car before.

You stopped off in the small Sainsbury’s that was close to the hotel for some drinks and snacks and when you asked what sweets he wanted he demanded one of everything. You let him know he could only have two things though and once back in the car his hand was either settled on your thigh or his fingers were laced through yours.

You were around halfway home when his phone lit up on the dash. His eyes quickly flashing over before you heard him sigh and his eyes flashed to yours.

‘Everything alright, love?’

‘Yeah uh, could you um… could you have a look on Robins instagram? Apparently she’s posted some stories about me’ he asked quietly and you could tell he was upset about it. You didn’t want to look but you were also curious yourself so you quickly found her and your heart broke as you saw them and what she was insinuating.

‘Is it bad?’ He asked quietly and when you didn’t reply he sent you a sad smile. ‘Can you read it to me? Its fine I promise’

‘Fuck’ he breathed, not realising it was going to be that bad and you saw his shoulders deflate as you replayed what you’d said in your head.

‘Mase, it’s a bunch of bullshit, yeah? We both know she’s just trying to get sympathy from everyone’ you told him in hopes it would make him feel better but you knew not much would right now. ‘Why don’t you post something?’

‘Best not, Lew will lose his marbles if he hasn’t done so already’ he shrugged. ‘It’ll all blow over soon I promise, I know the truth, so do you and that’s all that matters to me okay? I’m done with her mind games and I just want to forget her’

‘If you’re sure. But you know if you want to say anything I’ll be the first one there to defend you’

‘I know, sweetheart’ he muttered, turning to smile at you sadly and your heart broke once more for him. He didn’t deserve any of this and you hated how now she couldn’t manipulate Mason she was just manipulating everyone else.

You spent the next few days in a slight state of panic until he asked if you were free in the next week to meet his family and you agreed no matter how terrified you felt. Treating yourself to a nice new dress so you’d feel confident seeing them and at this point you didn’t even care if Mason liked it you just hoped they would.

You didn’t have to worry about Mason though, his eyes hanging out of his head when he saw you just like usual and it settled your nerves knowing whatever happened he would be there. He did his usual though and relaxed you, telling you how excited they were to meet you and that you’d have nothing to worry about so by the time you were finally there and out of the car you were feeling better than you had all day.

The vibes were off though as soon as you were in front of them. Mason's Dad, brother and brother in law weren’t there yet as they had to pop out for something so you were thrown straight into the fire by meeting his mum and sister first. The bright smiling faces you were expecting to be looking back at you looked sour and unimpressed and they both appeared to be sizing you up. Unfortunately Mason was either ignoring it or none the wiser, wrapping his arm around your waist as he smiled down at you before looking back at them.

‘This is y/n, guys’ he smiled proudly introducing them to you. Watching them both give you tight smiles and small nods but the two babies made up for it by inviting you into the living room to join in on their tea party. You were a little too afraid to leave Mason's side and you could tell he knew it, but he gently squeezed your hand to reassure you before looking into your eyes. ‘Go on, love. I’ll join you guys in a minute’ he assured you and after a quick kiss to your cheek you took Summers outstretched hand and let her lead the way.

He didn’t leave you for long but you knew he’d followed them into the kitchen. His face set as he wanted to ask them why they were being so cold but he didn’t really get the chance as they started quizzing him about Robin and he refused to talk.

‘Can’t you just tell us what happened?’ Debbie asked, her voice thick with concern for her boy but Mason just shook his head.

‘No, I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? It’s done, I don’t wanna see her again and that’s that’ he said bluntly but he could see Jaz was looking at him through narrowed eyes.

‘Well you’ll have to, she’s coming to mum's birthday’ Jaz said nonchalantly and Mason felt his tummy drop. There was no way in hell he wanted to see her again and he definitely was not having you and her in the same room.

‘You what?’

‘I invited her a few weeks ago and when we spoke the other day she promised she was still coming’

‘Look I don’t know what the fuck you thinking you’re doing but if she’s there then I won’t be’ he told them harshly. The pair of them looking at him like he’d grown two heads as they’d never heard him speak like that to them before.

‘Mason-‘

‘Nah nah, I’m not having it’ he told them. ‘It’s a dick move, I’m your brother and I thought I came first over anyone’ he spat but he could tell they still didn’t get it.

‘Look-‘

‘I’m serious, you don't know how hard the last few years have been for me and you don’t have any right to do this. So you’ve got a choice, her or me’

‘Stop being ridiculous’

‘Not you’re being ridiculous, I’m not talking to you about this anymore’ he declared before standing up abruptly. His chair making a loud noise as it moved back and scraped across the floor but he didn’t give them the chance to reply before he left them to finish lunch and joined you in the sitting room.

His heart broke for you as he caught sight of you sat in a circle with the girls. Mila was currently trying to put a tiara on your head as Summer poured you an imaginary cup of tea and it’s like he was falling for you all over again as you smiled whilst you pretended to take a sip.

He couldn’t take it anymore, needing your comfort more than anything else so he walked in and your eyes found his immediately. He knew you were a little embarrassed but with a quick kiss to your forehead he sat with you and joined in much to the girls' amusement. At least there were a few women in his life who weren’t disappointed in him.

‘They don’t like me do they’ you whispered, the vulnerability in your voice making his heart break so he quickly grabbed your hand and kissed your forehead again. Wanting to reassure you that it was all fine but also wanting to prepare you for the fact that today wouldn’t be as easy as he thought it would be.

‘Don’t be silly baby, they’ve just got the wrong end of the stick that’s all, they’ll be fine soon’

‘Masey? Where’s Auntie Robin?’ Summer suddenly popped up and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Thankfully it was only the four of you in there and Mila had no idea what was going on but you were still embarrassed and Mason could tell so he took your hand and placed it in his lap.

‘Robin won’t be around anymore, Sums. We’re not friends anymore really’ he told her simply but that seemed to be enough for her.

‘Okay’ she smiled at him, nodding and pouring tea for everyone before taking her seat in between her bears whilst Mila decided your lap would be her seat today.

Mason's Dad, brother and brother in law turned up only five minutes before lunch was ready. Mason seemed furious at them for being so long but when they came in to meet you they seemed a little more friendly than the women in his life had been. They were just awkward if anything which was to be expected and when they were called into the kitchen Mason let them all go so you could have a few minutes alone together and he could build you up a bit.

When you were both ready you followed Mason into the dining room. Thankful that he hadn’t let go of your hand but you could tell he was pissed about something else and you weren't sure what until he was directing you where to sit.

‘You’re sitting next to Summer’ he told, nodding you over to the other side of the table before following you around. You still couldn't figure out why his face was set so hard until he reached across the table to swap the wine glass in front of him with the water tumbler opposite.

‘Mase-‘

‘I’m sitting here. End of’ Mason spoke. Cutting his sister off before she had a chance to say anything else. Pulling your chair out for you to sit down and you knew this was about to be one of the most awkward lunches of your life as Mason planted his hand firmly on your thigh as soon as he was sat next to you. You knew no matter what, at least you had him there for you as he turned to face you with a smile. ‘What would you like?’

Mason didn’t let you lift a finger. Pouring your drink for you before serving up your food for you and you were grateful as you weren’t feeling very confident at all. He was a gem though and constantly checked in to make sure you had enough and you were okay but it wasn’t the food or anything like that that was the problem. It was the company.

If they were trying to make you feel awful then they were doing a pretty good job. Mason had told you they wanted to meet you so they could get to know you but if you hadn't been there it wouldn’t have made a difference in the slightest. Not once did they ask you anything about yourself or try to include you in the conversation, if anything they were purposefully retelling stories that included Robin but Mason had a knack for changing the subject.

Maybe it was the fact you were on edge that made everything they did and said worse but you could feel yourself shrinking as the time drew on. Not bothering to say anything or rock the boat but thankfully Summer was keeping you entertained so you didn't feel too much like a spare part.

Mason was getting irate though so you slipped your fingers through his. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze to let him know you were fine and you could handle it and you watched his face soften as he looked at you before dropping a quick kiss on your forehead. The small act making your cheeks burn but you knew it was half for his family too, wanting to show them he didn’t care what they were doing and that he was all about you.

When lunch was over you offered to help clear the table but Mason was quick to step in and told you you didn’t need to before ushering you into the garden with the girls. You wondered if he wanted to talk to them privately so he could speak his mind without getting you upset but when he joined you outside five minutes later he seemed oddly calm.

You were sitting on the floor with Mila in your lap when he approached you. Resting his hands on your shoulders as he looked down at you with a soft smile before turning his attention to them.

‘Hey girl’s, mummy just told me she’s got ice cream for you inside if you want it’ he told them, watching the pair of them scramble up and run inside hand in hand.

You weren’t sure if you should get up but Mason was sitting down behind you soon enough. His hands on your waist as he tried to lift you into his lap as he sat crossed legged and once you were settled he wrapped his arms around your middle and rested his head on your shoulder.

You felt your eyes sting immediately, finally alone and able to let your walls down a little bit but when he kissed your shoulder a few times you couldn't help but smile. Yes the whole time you’d been here it had been incredibly tense and awkward but you still had Mason. His head hadn’t been turned by anything they’d said but when he moved you into his lap slightly so he could see your face better you felt your lip wobble.

‘Its okay baby, you don’t have to hold it in around me. No one can see you, yeah? You can cry if you want to’ he told you softly and it's like the curtain dropped as soon as he said those words. Your hands coming up to cover your face so you could let a few tears free but clearly you were more upset than you realised. ‘I’m so sorry y/n’ he whispered, feeling your sobs grow slightly before Mason turned you in his arms. Letting you hide your face in his neck as he held you and stroked your back lightly.

‘It's not you, it’s just…’

‘I know, gorgeous. We’ll get going yeah? I’ll go grab your bag and we can go home’ he whispered but you didn’t want to back out now. You wanted to stick by him and prove to his family that you were the right one for him no matter how hard it might be.

‘No it’s alright, I’ll suck it up’ you told him. Nodding your head and wiping your eyes as you tried to pull yourself together but Masons hands were on your jaw to make you look at him in an instant.

‘No I don’t want you to do that. You shouldn't have to do that. I don’t wanna be here anymore either so we can just go okay? How about I run us a nice bath when we get in, yeah?’ He suggested, knowing how much you loved sharing a bath together and you nodded with a smile as he attempted to wipe your eyes. Thankful you could draw a line under today early and be alone just the two of you. ‘Come on then beautiful’

He walked you to the back door but told you to wait there so he could get your things and you weren’t in the state to argue. You were snotty and your eyes were puffy and you didn’t want them to see that they’d broken you so you let Mason go inside. Watching him march straight into the living room and he was met with his mum's guilty face straight away.

‘Mason-

‘I don’t wanna hear it. I’ve just come to get y/n’s bag’ he told her. His eyes scanning the room to try and find it but he couldn’t see it straight away and it gave her an in to keep talking.

‘Please Mase-‘

‘I’m so fucking embarrassed of you guys, you know that? Couldn’t play nice for a few hours and now she’s in tears thinking you all hate her’ he told everyone. Finally spotting on a chair across the room and making his way to grab it.

‘We didn’t mean for that to happen’ she told him, her voice sounding low and guilty and in the back of his mind he was happy about it. He wanted them to feel shit for what they’d done to you.

‘Well it did. She means a lot to me and I’m not gonna stay here and let you guys carry on making her feel like shit’

‘We’ve got your best interests at heart always Mason, we weren’t awful for the sake of it’ Jaz piped up but he was too angry with everyone to stand and argue any longer.

‘I don’t wanna hear anymore, we’re off’ he told them nonchalantly, picking your bag up from the chair and turning around but he stopped just before the door so he could stick the knife in again. ‘You know I never thought you guys would be like this, she was terrified about meeting you but I told her it would be fine cause I really thought it would be. I thought you’d be there for me no matter what and I’m so fucking ashamed’ he gulped, shaking his head as the he turned away, walking back out the way he came with your bag in hand before meeting you just outside the back door. His heart breaking once more as he took in your sorry state but he adored the way you smiled as soon as you saw him. ‘Come on sugar, let’s go’

‘I should say bye at least’ you told him, not wanting to appear rude and make them hate you even more but Mason just shook his head and pulled you along.

‘The don't deserve it. Come on, you're fine’ he told you, pulling you round the house by the side gate until you reached his car. Opening the passenger door for you to climb into and before you knew it you were off. Your heart sank at the way things had gone and you couldn’t stop yourself from silently crying the whole way back. Today had felt like a disaster but Mason kept his hand in yours the whole way home and deep down you knew things would be okay.

The pair of you had your bath, Mason letting you cry a little more until he was trying his hardest to make you smile. It didn’t take much as it came natural for you to be happy around him and by the time you were going to bed you were feeling just about okay again.

Mason was in the shower the next morning when the doorbell went. You were sat on the sofa in your pjs still as you ate the toast he’d made you a short while earlier and you froze at the sound before Mason's voice rang through the air.

‘Can you get that, baby? Should just be a delivery’ he called so you got yourself up and dusted the crumbs off of your body before answering.

When you opened the door you weren’t expecting to be met with the face of Debbie. You knew your face was one of shock but hers was one of sorrow and guilt and you almost felt bad for her so you gave her a tight smile in hopes she knew you were okay.

‘Hi love’ she smiled sadly but you didn’t know what to say to her. ‘Is Mason here? I think it’s best we all talk’

‘He’s in the shower’ you whispered, unsure if you should let her and if Mason would want to see her but she was his mum at the end of the day and you didn’t want to make her hate you anymore

‘Maybe you and I could talk first then? I think I owe you an apology’ she gulped so you nodded her in and took her to the kitchen. Offering her a cup of tea that she gladly accepted before you took a seat opposite her.

‘Sorry I’m still in my pjs, I don’t normally dress like this’ you laughed, trying to make light of the situation but she just smiled at you softly before her face grew serious again.

‘I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, well the way we all acted really. We’re very protective over Mason, too much sometimes, and we were just a bit concerned. He’s not spoken about what happened with Robin and we’ve only had her side of the story so I’m guessing we got the wrong end of the stick. We just assumed the worst after that article came out and we weren’t sure about your intentions’

‘I get that’ you nodded sadly, deep down you knew why yesterday had gone the way it had and that you would have to prove yourself so you started here and now while Mason wasn’t around to tease you. ‘I need you to know that I love your son a lot’

‘I know’ she told you sincerely, ‘and you know what, after seeing him with you yesterday I can see how much he loves you’ she confessed. ‘I’ve never seen him act that way with someone. We’ve known Robin since she was 14 and she’s like a daughter to me but he’s never looked at her like that’

‘He’s had a lot going on that he should have told-‘

‘What’s going on?’ You suddenly heard. Looking over to see Mason walking in fully dressed in his comfies ready for your sofa day but the sight of his mum sat in his kitchen clearly wasn’t what we was expecting.

‘I’ve come to talk’

‘You better not have upset her’ he grumbled, coming over to touch your shoulder protectively but you just placed your hand over his and nodded to the chair next to you and opposite his mum.

‘Mason sit down, it's okay’ you laughed, his eyes lighting up at the way you didn’t seem sad in any way so he took a seat and kept your hand in his.

‘Right, I want the truth okay? I know we weren’t the best yesterday but I need you to be honest with me about what happened with Robin’ Debbie told him and you knew Mason didn’t want to. You wondered if some gentle encouragement might help and when his eyes met yours you sent him a soft smile.

‘Come on Mase, I think it’s for the best’ you offered, hoping he’d listen to you but Debbie clearly knew her son and was ready to guilt her way into him talking.

‘You used to tell me everything’ Debbie pouted, looking down and huffing slightly and he clearly knew what she was doing as he rolled his eyes with a little smile.

‘Yeah well this is shit, I don’t wanna keep reliving it and talking about it all the time’

‘Well let’s make this the last time then’ she told him, reaching over the table with her hand up in hopes he’d place his in hers and after a beat he did. Looking up to see his eyes full of tears at the thought of hashing everything out again so you took his other hand in yours and gave it a gentle squeeze in hopes it would give him some courage.

‘I don't even know where to start,’ he sighed. ‘Things with Robin had been bad for a while but i didnt wanna give up you know? Didn’t wanna throw nine years of a relationship away but she made it impossible’ he gulped. ‘I know I told you I bought this place for Woody to stay in as an investment but that was a load of shi- sorry a load of rubbish’

‘What do you mean?’ Debbie frowned and you looked at Mason quizzically too but his eyes were glued to the table as he fought to get his words out.

‘I’ve been living here. I’ve probably only been in the house a handful of times lately cause I needed my own place to stay’

‘Why though?’ Debbie whispered, confused as to why he’d lied to her and you knew the floodgates were about to open.

‘Cause I couldn’t stay at home. She kicked me out all the time over the most stupid things like I can’t even begin to explain but I was always on edge around her. You know, wondering what mood she was in and if I’d be allowed in my own home that day’ he told her and you watched as her face dropped.

‘She didn’t love me in the end, mum. She loved what I could give her. We were kids when we met and we grew apart but she was comfortable with the life I gave her and didn’t want to give that up. You wonder why every time we went out there were pictures? She always called the paps like she wanted everyone to know I was hers so no other girls went near me’

‘Why did you stick around for so long?’ She asked quietly, her voice sad but understanding and you could see how upset she was for her boy.

‘Looking back, I’m not so sure. She had a knack for making me feel awful about her mistakes so I was the one who would always go crawling back to apologise. It was just this weird cycle I couldn’t get out of until I’d just had enough. I get you were trying to protect me yesterday but it was from the wrong person’

‘I think we were just a bit confused. This seems to have happened really quickly’ she nodded before her eyes were flickering between the pair of you be she was smiling softly. ‘So how did this happen then?’

‘It’s my fault, Robin ended things with me and I told myself that I was done and moving on but I didn’t explain everything to y/n at first and when Robin whistled I went running back like i always did cause I’m a moron’

‘So you didn’t… you didn’t cheat did you?’ She whispered and even though he knew why she might have come to that conclusion he was ready to defend himself even if he had been a bit wrong.

‘No way, I would never do that’ he told her. ’I get the lines are blurry and it doesn’t sound great, it’s not how you raised me at all but I’d never do that. I hate talking about it cause I sound like a dick but I only went to y/n when she’d broken up with me and I never told her I had a sort of girlfriend in the beginning’ he huffed.

‘I’m not proud of it, at all. I’m ashamed at how much I hurt y/n when she’s only ever put me first and shown me love. This thing with us, it’s not what Robin said okay? This isn’t just me spreading my wings for a bit, y/n is it for me and that’s why I thought it would be okay for you to meet her cause I know she’s gonna be around for a long time. But Robin got you like she got me and made you believe something else. You know if anything I cheated on y/n, went running right back into the fire after she offered to give me everything cause deep down I didn’t think I deserved her’ he told her honestly and your heart broke for the boy you loved. His eyes finally meeting yours and the soft look in his eye made you melt. ‘But she stuck with me, no matter what I did or how awful I treated her. She was there for me and all I want to do is make her life as easy as she makes mine feel now’

‘I wish you would have been honest from the start’ Debbie huffed, making the pair of you look back at her and even though you could see she was hurting for him you could see that twinkle in her eye that you knew that she could see there was something special between you. ‘Look I’m your mum okay, it’s my job to protect you. But for once I don’t feel like I have to anymore. That’s your job now, yeah?’ She smiled at you and you felt your heart soar at how much she was trusting you.

‘I promise I will’ you reassured her, feeling Mason squeezing your hand under the table as he knew this was a big deal after yesterday.

‘I know you will’ she nodded. ‘You have been for a while by the looks of things. I’m not going to sit here and say I saw this coming from a mile off cause I really didn’t but I could tell something had changed lately. I thought you and Robin had just finally hit your stride’ she huffed rolling her eyes. ‘I really am sorry for yesterday and I’m sorry for taking her side. I would say she can expect an earful from me but don’t worry i’ll leave it’ she laughed and you could tell Mason was happy to put everything to bed.

Debbie stayed for a little while longer, the three of you talking how you imagined you would be the day before and you felt like you made a good second impression. Debbie giving you a big hug before she left and you let her and Mason have a few moments alone while you got settled on the sofa.

You see how much lighter Mason looked when he came back to join you, the smile on his face was permanently etched there throughout the rest of the day as you stayed cuddled on the sofa. Watching all his favourite movies in between naps and plenty of stolen kisses until he couldn’t keep his hands off you and you ended up having sleepy sofa sex as he rested his head on yours and told you how much he loved you repeatedly.

It was just before dinner when things went a little south. You knew something was coming as it always did with you two. Like god was testing you to see how much you could take and because things had been too perfect for you all day he was ready to throw a spanner in the works. You’d just nipped off to the bathroom it finally happened and you felt you heart drop as the shock ripped through you.

‘Ughhhh Mason! What the fuck!’

‘What?’ He called, his voice getting closer as he ran towards where you were and you smiled as you knew he’d probably find it funny.

‘You left the bloody toilet seat up, I nearly fell in’ you shouted back, adjusting yourself as you laughed it off but when you were finished and you finally opened the door, he was sitting on the bed like a deer caught in the headlights. You didn’t take much notice of it at first and made your way over to him but as you got closer you could see the panic all over him. ‘Seat down when I’m here remember’ you teased, trying to get him to smile but your words had the adverse effect.

‘Sorry’ he gulped his eyes falling to the floor as he played with his fingers and you weren’t sure how to take his reaction.

‘It’s alright’ you whispered, taking a seat next to his to hopefully catch his eyes but he’d withdrawn himself completely and didn’t even react when you took his hands in yours.

‘Do you you, um… do you want me to take you home?’

‘No? Why would I want that?’ You asked but he just shrugged his shoulders softly.

‘Cause I did something stupid and annoyed you. I thought you might want to be away from me’

‘Mase, baby, you forgot to put the seat down, you didn’t kill someone’ you told him softly, the hurt across his face only really hitting you then as you realised what might be happening. The pain of his past so evident and your heart sunk that you made him feel that way again.

‘Sorry I just-‘

‘You don’t need to explain’ you whispered ‘I’m so sorry, I was just having a laugh I didn’t even think’ you explained and you watched him take a breath as if he wanted to say something else but the words never came. In the end he just gripped your hand and looked back up at you hopefully.

‘Let’s just forget it then, yeah? He asked hopefully, letting you pull him into a kiss that you both smiled into and even though you knew you both felt a bit rubbish about what had happened you knew you could move on from it fairly quick and reassure Mason that he’d never have to leave you.

The rest of the night went without a hitch and you were determined to make it up to him. Cooking him dinner and even making him a special dessert that he sat and ate it with the biggest grin on his face. The happiness was so evident on him and you felt accomplished that you could make him smile by just treating him how he should have been all along.

The treats didn’t stop there and you changed the bed sheets whilst Mason was in the shower. You knew he loved the feeling of fresh ones but it was also a treat for yourself as his were much softer than yours and after a little bit of a struggle you undressed yourself down to your knickers before crawling inside as you loved the feel of it just as much.

You weren’t in there on your own long, Mason sneaking his way out of the bathroom shortly after you’d gotten comfy and the feeling of Mason pressing himself against you made you shiver. The sensation of his warm skin on yours was second to none and you almost had to hold in a moan at how good it felt to have him next to you.

When you felt his lips on the back of your neck a content hum fell from your lips as you shivered. You knew he’d been waiting to get his hands on you again properly but there was a little voice in the back of your head that was stopping you from getting you fully involved.

When it came to sex, Mason was the king of being unselfish and made sure he gave you exactly what you wanted even at the detriment of his own pleasure. He knew what to say, what positions you loved and sometimes you could tell he wasn’t feeling it as much as you were but he was so into making you feel good that he didn’t care. Doing whatever he could to push you over the finish line before he took care of himself but you were about to change that tonight.

Because even if he didn’t care about putting himself first, you did and as he kissed his way down your back you began to hatch a plan so you could repay him for all the times he’d made you the priority.

As much as you didn’t want to as you adored the way he was touching you, you rolled over and sat yourself on Mason's lap. His hands reaching round to grab your bum as your thighs wrapped around his and you could feel he was hard for you already. Only the thin material of your underwear separating you as Mason hadn’t bothered to put on anything at all after his shower and right now you were glad.

‘What do you want, baby?’ He asked, pulling you further into him as his hands wandered over your naked back and back down to your bum so he could give it a squeeze and you had to hold yourself back from rocking your hips over him as his touches were turning you on so much.

‘Well I was about to ask you the same, what do you want’ you asked, the question catching him off guard a little but he shook it off and sent you a teasing smile.

‘I want whatever you want’

‘Come on Mase, let me do something for you’ you argued and you knew this was about to be a battle that you wouldn’t win easily.

‘Sex isn’t about what I want’ he smiled but you just rolled your eyes at him cause you knew he’d always thought this but tonight you were going to make it all about him.

‘Yes it is, come on tell me. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?’ You asked him but he was frozen and you knew his mind was blank.

‘I don’t know… how about you sit on my face?’

‘No, that’s not allowed’ you told him sternly and you knew right away he wasn’t happy about it.

‘Why not’ he laughed ‘you said I can pick what I want, that’s what I want’

‘No you don’t, you just picked that cause you know I like it’ you told him, shimming back down his legs before placing yourself in between them. ‘How about I get started while you have a think yeah?’ You asked but you didn’t give him a chance to reply before lowering your naked chest to the mattress and taking him into your hand so you could guide him into your mouth.

‘You really think I’ll be able to come up with anything while my dicks in your mouth- oh fuck y/n that’s it’ he breathed. His fingers automatically coming to your hair so he could brush it out of your face and when you made eye contact you knew you were driving him crazy.

Mason didn’t ask for head that often, only when he was feeling lazy and you forgotten how much you loved having him in the palm of your hand. The way he just surrendered to you immediately as he moaned and groaned with every flick of your tongue made you feel like you were in charge of him and you let yourself get lost in him. Making sure your bum was sticking up high in the hair so he’d have something to look at but when you looked up at him his eyes were fixed in the corner of the room until he was back looking at you.

‘Come on Masey, tell me what you want’ you demanded after coming off of him with a pop. Using your hand to work him as you took a moment to get your breath back but now you’d given him a taste he seemed to be more comfortable with asking for what he wanted.

‘I want you on top’ he breathed, rolling you off him slightly so he could lay down a bit as you took your underwear off but you noticed his head was still propped up slightly.

‘Okay’ you smiled, attempting to climb over his lap but his hands on your hips stopped you in your tracks.

‘Wait’ he suddenly breathed, face cautious as he thought about whether or not he should say what he wanted to but you nodded at him encouragingly to let him know it was fine. ‘Other way’

‘Okay’ you smiled, trying to hide your own nerves as you’d never done it this way before but you did as he asked and settled over him your your back to him, trying to line yourself up with him but when you looked up, the first thing you noticed was the mirror had been moved from the corner of the room and Masons eyes looking back at you through it. ‘You’ve moved the mirror?’

‘Uh, yeah’ he laughed, moving his head back around so you couldn’t look at him though it anymore but when you turned your body slightly to face him you could see how red his cheeks and nose were.

‘You were watching me earlier weren’t you?’ You laughed and he covered his face with his hands before he was laughing too.

‘Yeah I was’ he confessed. ‘I got a glimpse of you the other night and I wanted to try it today. I like seeing you from all angles’ he winked and you felt your tummy flip at how hot you found it but before you could say anything else he was sitting up fully behind you. ‘Now I know you wanna make this about me but I think you might need a bit of help okay?’ He told you. Wrapping one arm around your waist before settling the other on your upper thigh and you knew what was coming as he began to kiss over your back.

You watched his hands move in the mirror, gently tracing his fingertips up and down your thigh before touching you exactly where you needed him to. Tracing over your clit a few times before dipping his fingers inside you and the growl that left his lip made your head spin.

‘This wet just from giving me head, yeah?’ He whispered before playfully biting your side. And you instinctively felt your hands travel up to your chest as you rocked your hips over his fingers. ‘You like it that much I’ll put you to work more often’

‘Fuck, Mase’ you moaned, a shiver rolling through you at just how turned on you were and you couldn’t keep your eyes away from the mirror that was just off to the side. Your eyes constantly meeting Mason's dark ones and the sight of the pair of you was driving you wild.

‘You see yourself, yeah? Can you see what I see now?’ He asked. ‘I’m so fucking in love with you, you know that?’

‘Mase please’ you whimpered, starting to get overwhelmed with everything that was happening but he knew you were ready now. Laying back down and positioning your hips over him before he was guiding himself inside you and pulling you down further into his lap.

You froze for a second or two, not really sure what you were meant to be doing as you'd never done it this way before but with Mason's hands on your bum guiding you, you began to move your hips and the first moans fell from his mouth.

That was all it took to spur you on to keep going. That mixed with Mason's dirty mouth and the image of him sliding in and out of you in the mirror. You’d caught eyes with him a few times as his eyes were flicking between looking at you in the mirror and watching your bum bounce up and down on him. His hands gripping your bum every so often and you knew he was getting close as he bucked up into you.

‘You wanna cum, Mase?’ You asked, the pair of you staring each other down through the mirror and you could tell he was almost done just by how dark his eyes were. His nose red and flushed whilst his hair stuck up in all directions and you’d sworn he never looked so good.

‘I can’t fucking hold it’ he whimpered, the sound of his voice pushing you to where you needed to be and all you wanted was to reach your highs and melt into each other like usual.

‘It’s okay, I’m right behind you’ you told him, the knowledge that you’d been able to work him up into this state had pushed you closer to the edge than you realised and soon enough you were fluttering around him as he held your hips and bounced you on top of him until he was shuddering beneath you.

It was awkward trying to get you off of him and laid next to him without making too much of a mess but you managed it. Curling yourself into his side and resting your head over his frantic heart that you felt start to slow as soon as you were both comfy.

‘Hey Mase?’ You whispered and he looked down at you softly. His brows raised as he was unsure about what you wanted to say but as soon as you spoke your favourite smile returned. ‘I’m in love with you too’

It was a rare few days that the both of you had off when things took a drastic turn. You knew things had been too perfect lately and something was bound to push you off track but never did you think Mason would be up to his old tricks again.

You were doing your skincare in the bathroom as Mason took a quick shower. His phone face down next to yours on the counter and when the sound of multiple texts came through and yours didn't light up, you realised it must be his.

‘Is that my phone or yours gorgeous?’ Mason shouted from inside the shower so you quickly flipped his phone to confirm it was actually his.

‘Yours’

‘Can you see what it is? I don’t wanna get my hands wet’ he told you. Popping his head from around the curtain and his cheesy grin made you giggle.

‘Just a load of texts from Lewis’ you confirmed and he nodded at you before disappearing back behind the curtain.

‘Can you see what he wants’ he asked, shouting the code to his phone for you to tap in but you were stood in shock for a few moments at the fact he’d actually told you how to unlock his phone before you did it and to your surprise it worked. ‘You done it?’

‘Oh um yeah, he’s just confirming about the charity event next week?’ You told him. Trying to hold on the wobble in your voice as you were so unsure and felt like you were invading his privacy.

‘Ahh okay, can you message him back for me? just say thanks and I’ll call him in a bit’ he told you and without thinking you quickly replied with what he’d asked you to. Wanting to lock his phone as quickly as you could as it felt so strange to me using it

‘Okay, done’

‘Thank you baby, I’ll be out in a minute yeah’

‘Okay’ you told him before leaving and getting ready for bed but you couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off of your face.

When Mason eventually joined you, you could tell he was looking at you in amusement. Clearly unsure as to why you were grinning like you’d just won the lottery and when you both climbed into bed he pulled you into his lap so your legs were laid across his thighs with his arms around you and your heart thumped at how he looked down at you.

‘What you smiling at, pretty girl?’

‘You gave me the code to your phone’ you whispered, smiling even wider like a cat that got the cream as he looked down at you and soon enough his face mirrored yours. ‘No ones ever given me the code to their phone before’

‘Well I’ve got nothing to hide’ he told you sinserly, ‘And you can use it or look on there whenever you want to, yeah? I’ll be honest it’s a bit boring but you’ve got free reign’

‘Is it just you and Woody sending each other heart eyes all the time?’ You teased and thankfully he laughed as he ticked your sides.

‘You’ve caught me’ he laughed, dropping a heavy kiss on your lips before pulling back to look at you seriously. ‘You can trust me, you know that right?’

‘I know’ you nodded, and you really thought you could.

The fact he’d given you the code made you not want to bother looking. You knew he had nothing to hide and he’d given you no reason to think anything different was going on until one night after work around a week later you were staying with him again. Mason was taking a call on his work phone in the conservatory when his personal one began to ring beside you and when you looked down at the screen your skin prickled uncomfortably.

Robin? Why was she calling? And why was she still saved in his phone with a heart next to her name and a photo of them all over each other? you wondered. Letting it ring until the call ended before a few texts poured in and your curiosity got the better of you. Punching in the code as quickly as you could with your heart pounding in your ears to try and see what she’d said.

He text her from his other phone? And he was meeting her tomorrow? Surely not this must be some sort of trick she’s playing but the heart by her name and the picture of the two of them making out was making your head spin and you didn’t know what to do.

Mason's voice was soon booming through the house, letting you know he was getting closer so you quickly locked his phone and put it back where it was just in time for him to end his call and take a seat next to you. You tried your best to act casual and like you hadn’t just uncovered his secret but you forgot he could read you like a book and gave you a confused look as soon as he saw you.

‘You alright, gorgeous?’ He asked, his voice full of concern as he wrapping his arm around you just like always but you hid yourself in his body and nodded your head.

‘I’m fine, just sleepy’ you told him, not wanting to say anything and call him out of it really was nothing but you couldn't lie and pretend you hadn’t seen what you had so when he offered you an early night you took it. Noticing how he was reading over messages on his personal phone when you slipped into bed but his brows were drawn and his face fallen as he typed out his replies.

‘You still have that meeting tomorrow after work?’ He asked as he got settled behind you. His arm laying loosely around your tummy as he spoke into your shoulder and you could only muster a nod. Not trusting your voice in case it broke but he seemed happy enough with your reply. ‘Okay, well I’ve got dinner with Rasmus tomorrow night so I might not see you’ he told you and you wondered if this was just a lie so he could go and see Robin. If it was a lie he was horribly good at it.

He was asleep soon after you said goodnight, however you laid there awake for hours. Worrying about what tonight might hold and if he was seeing her again behind your back. You knew you should have said something but in a weird way you wanted him to do it. At least then you’d have the evidence and when you didn’t hear from him for a few hours at around 5pm the next day you could only think of the worst possible scenario.

Much to your delight your meeting was cancelled and rather than go to Masons flat like you were planning on to surprise him you just went home. Wanting to be in your own bed and you laid there with the hump. Wondering what he was doing now or who he was with but after a quick look on Twitter there was a photo of Mason and Rasmus with a fan from half an hour ago and you felt even more confused.

You knew he’d sent you a few texts to see how you were and where you were but you’d left them all unanswered. Not really knowing what to say and if you wanted to see him but at around 9pm you heard the door open downstairs and you know it was him. Making use of the key you’d given him two weeks ago even though you now spent most of your time at his.

‘You here sweetheart?’ He called, hearing him walk around downstairs but you didn’t reply, laying on your side away from the door as you pretended to be asleep just in case he came upstairs and soon after you heard him jogging up the steps and your door opening.

‘Baby? Baby are you- oh shit’ he whispered, his voice getting quiet when he realised you were asleep before you heard him go across the hall to the bathroom. You wondered if he was getting himself ready to come and join you and shit all you wanted was the feeling of his arms around you to make you feel better you could also feel your heart shattering in your chest.

When he eventually came back you knew you were tense so you tried to relax but you could hear him undressing behind you before he slid behind you and his first touch made you jump.

‘It’s okay, it’s only me’ he laughed but when you tried to curl into yourself more so you could hide from him, his tone shifted instantly. ‘Baby? What’s happened? What’s wrong?’ He asked, trying to tighten his grip on you as you pulled away but you couldn’t fight him off. In the end you just face planted the pillows so he couldn’t look at you as the first sobs fell from your lips. ‘Hey come on, just tell me’

‘I feel like an idiot’ you told him, giving up slightly and letting him turn you but you sat up so you didn’t have to lie down with him.

‘Why baby? What's happened?’

‘Where have you been?’ You hiccuped, finally looking over to see him and watching his face drop ever so slightly ‘Just tell me, don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Were you really just with Rasmus all night? ’

‘Baby, I don’t know what you think is going on-‘

‘I know you went to see her, or you’re planning on it at least’ you confessed and it’s like you watched his heart break right in front of you. ‘How could you, after everything?’

‘Look at me, please baby let me explain’ he whispered. Gripping your jaw gently to tilt your face up and in the end you caved and looked at him. This was the explanation you wanted so you might as well hear him out. ‘She’s moving out of the house. You know I said she could stay while she looked for something else? Well she’s going now and I had to meet her so she could sign everything over to me’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, there was some stuff in her name and we said we’d sort it when the time came. I just didn’t want you worrying or panicking so I didn’t say anything but now I realise that was stupid of me cause it’s made it all worse’

‘Oh’ you breathed, the tension lifting off you immediately but you could feel your tears coming thick and fast as you realised everything was fine.

‘I know I’ve still got a lot to prove, but you know I’d never-‘

‘I’m so sorry’ you sobbed, head falling into his chest as he took you in his arms but he just held you and let you cry. Knowing you probably needed to get your emotions out. ‘She called you and I went through your phone. I’m so sorry I know you said it was fine but I get if you want to change the code now’

‘Not at all’ he whispered into your hair before he gripped you tighter. ‘I told you I’ve got nothing to hide and you can look where you want’ he whispered. ‘But baby if you see something or are worried about anything then please talk to me okay? Cause I can assure you it’ll be nothing’

‘I feel like an idiot. I just panicked’

‘I know gorgeous, it’s okay’ he told you but you didn’t feel like it was. You felt like you’d royally messed up even if he was looking at you like everything would be okay.

‘Please don’t be mad at me’ you whispered. Your lip wobbling as you thought you’d ruined everything but he just smiled at you and held your jaw so you had to look at him and you felt your heart rate slow down as he softly stroked your cheek.

‘Hey no, no I would never’ he told you softly. ‘I’m more mad at myself for just not being honest and getting you in a state. I thought i was doing the right thing’

‘I just didn’t want you to think I was insecure but maybe I am’ you shrugged sadly and you could see how much it hurt him to hear you say that as he knew his actions were the cause of it. ‘Its okay, Mase. It’ll just have to be something we work on together’ you told him. Resting your hands on his shoulders so you could stroke his neck as you knew it calmed him but he still looked heartbroken at your confession.

‘I hate that I’ve made you feel like this’

‘Masey it’s okay, it’s just something we’ll have to work on together okay?’ You smiled at him. ‘It's just a blip but we’ll get through it. We always do’

‘I promised myself I’d never make you cry because of me again’ he gulped and your heart broke before you pulled him into your arms. The both of you sad but latching onto the other for comfort and the feeling of him breathing you in made you relax.

‘Let’s just use it as a learning curve, yeah? We just need to communicate more and we’ll be fine’ you told him. Your fingers getting lost in his hair so you could massage his scalp and when he nodded into your neck you knew you’d both be fine. ‘I love you so much, Mason’

‘I love you, too’ he told you. Pulling back just enough for him to kiss you tenderly and when you suggested getting comfy to sleep he let you lay down before resting his head on your chest. ‘We’ll be okay’

‘Of course we will be, we always are’

You were on the phone to Mason on your lunch break two days later when you bought up dinner with a friend but much to your dismay he couldn’t go with you.

‘I might not be able to make it baby, I’ve gotta get stuff boxed up and moved back into the house’ he explained and a feeling you couldn’t describe swirled in your tummy.

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah she’s moving out on Wednesday so I can move back in finally’ he told you and you could hear the excitement in his voice already.

‘Oh wow that’s quick’ you told him, thankful he couldn’t see your face as you weren't exactly sure what expression you had on right now. Still processing that you’d have to take on this whole new part of his life when you were so comfortable in the current version.

‘Yeah I thought Thursday maybe we could go there? Stay the night like get settled and get you used to it there. What do you think?’ He asked and you didn’t know why but the idea filled you with dread. You knew the plan was always to move back in once she was out as that was Mason's home but now the time was here you weren’t sure how you felt about moving into somewhere that was so full of her.

You brushed it off though, trying to be positive about the situation, telling him it was a great idea and it was fine until he was pulling onto the drive and you felt awkward immediately.

If you thought his flat was nice then this was a whole different game. You’d never seen a house like this before and even the driveway felt bigger than your whole flat.

Even from the outside you could get a feel for how nice it would be inside. The size and scale was overwhelming and you knew it was well taken care of as all the plants and lawns on the outside were in perfect condition but you had a sneaky suspicion none of that was down to Mason.

He was dying to get inside though and as soon as the car was off he was jumping out. Looking up in what only can be described as pride at his home before he was searching for you and holding out his hand for you to take.

‘What do you think?’

‘Its huge’ you whispered and when he wiggled his eyebrows at you suggestively you rolled your eyes at him with a smile.

‘Come on, let’s go in’ he laughed but you felt yourself stuck to the floor until he was pulling you forward. ‘You want the tour?’

‘Okay’ you nodded, trying to send him a smile but it felt forced and he could see you were nervous so he kissed the back of your hand before walking you inside.

It was huge, five times the size of his flat and you knew you’d get lost in there eventually. But it wasn’t just the size of it that was throwing you off, it was all of Mason's memories that were attached to it.

It was homely in a way that Mason's flat wasn’t. There you could tell it was made for a man to live in whilst this place had a woman’s touch all over it. The empty picture frames a reminder of maybe what used to fill them and the bunch of flowers in the hall made your tummy squeeze.

She was everywhere you looked, from her water bottle that was conveniently left in the kitchen to some of her skincare in the bathroom. You didn’t feel safe from her anywhere and the longer you walked around the worse you felt.

It was like taking a tour of his old life, the one you both wanted to forget, but Mason seemed to be in his element. Walking around and finding things he thought he’d lost and telling you silly stories from moments when he lived there but thankfully they only involved him or Woody.

You couldn’t deny the house was beautiful, loads of bedrooms so all his family could come and stay and a cute cinema room with massive cushions and a big fluffy blanket but the smell of what you could only presume was Robin’s perfume was lingering and you felt your eyes sting. You wanted to be as excited as he was but you just couldn’t.

After the grand tour he went and grabbed your bags from the car. You ordered food in the end, sitting on the sofa as he told you about all the changes he wanted to make that he was never allowed to and you began to relax as thoughts of her left your mind. Hoping you could maybe one day erase every part of her and not think about her being there in every corner of the room you looked.

You could feel yourself relaxing as the night went on but you knew what time it would be soon and your heart was racing but not in the usual way Mason made it.

‘You wanna head up to bed, love?’ He asked, kissing your cheek softly as he stroked your arm but you didn’t reply. This was the part you’d been dreading but when he pulled you up you went with him, following him up the stairs and into the bedroom and once you were in you froze.

Everything was wrong. The smell in the air did nothing but remind you that this used to be their shared room and it was clear that she’d been living here for a while. Thankfully the sheets looked fresh but you still felt uncomfortable about it so you took your time in the bathroom getting ready for bed but the empty products of hers in the bin made your eyes sting.

Once you were ready and couldn’t waste any more time away from him you joined him back in his bedroom. Watching him undress down to his boxers and jump right in, clearly wanting to get comfortable as quickly as he could so you could cuddle like you’d promised him all day but you were frozen to the spot.

That was their bed and this was their room.

He’d picked his usual side, was that always his side? The thought of you getting in next to him was too much for you and you just wanted the ground to swallow you up completely.

‘Baby? Is everything okay?’ Mason asked. His voice soft as tilted his head to look at you, but you kept your eyes on your hands as you played with your fingers.

What were you supposed to say?

In the end you heard him move, climbing out from under the covers so he could make his way to the end of the bed and sit on the edge. Beckoning you over to him again but this time you went to him. Letting him sit you on his lap as he kissed your temple and you felt a shiver roll through you.

‘You don’t wanna sleep in here, do you?’ He asked quietly, gently tilting your face up so you’d look at him and the understanding look on his face made your heart break.

‘Sorry’ you sniffed, trying to keep your bottom lip from wobbling ‘I just-‘

You were cut off by the feeling of him sweeping you up in his arms and walking towards the door. A slight giggle coming from your lips that he laughed at before he walked you down the hall and into one of the spare rooms that you’d been in earlier so he could pop you on the floor gently. Wrapping his arms around your waist slowly and only then did you look at him properly, a soft look on his face and you knew you had to explain yourself a little bit.

‘I don’t know how to say this without it sounding awful but I’m struggling being here a bit’ you confessed and a sad but knowing look crossed his face. ‘I know she’s gone but she’s everywhere I look, it’s like one in one out’ you joked but you knew your comment had hit him hard.

‘I don’t mean for you to feel like that at all, baby’ he whispered before kissing along your hairline softly.

‘Do you want me to take us back to the flat? I don’t mind’

‘No it’s okay, I’ll be fine here’

‘She’s never slept in here i promise. This was my room for a bit when we first started arguing, before I got the flat. It's also Summers room when she stays’ he told you and you felt a lot better about being in there.

‘Let’s sleep here then. Make some new memories’ you smiled at him and you could see his shoulders relax now he knew you were happier in here.

‘I love you so much, you know that right?’ He whispered, trying to reassure you as best as he could but you felt a lot better already knowing that he understood.

‘I know’ you smiled, watching his face relax ever so slightly. ‘And I love you just as much’

You didn't see Mason for a few days as you were both busy with work but when you had some time Mason invited you over to the flat. You wondered if he’d ask you over to the house but you couldn’t say you weren’t relieved to turn the key in the lock and find him cooking for the pair of you in the kitchen.

Once you’d both eaten you let him find a movie for the pair of you as you went to the loo but as soon as you returned you could hear him finishing up a call and he gave you a sly wink as you sat yourself down next to him.

‘Who was that?’

‘Estate agents. They’re gonna come take pictures of the house tomorrow’ he told you nonchalantly but you weren’t about to let him say that without an explanation.

‘What, why?’

‘Cause I’m selling it’ he smiled and you knew your face was one of shock.

‘What? Mase no I didn’t mean-‘

‘No no, you were right’ he reassured you. Wrapping his arm around you and pulling you further into his side. ‘That house is too full of memories i’d really rather forget so I’m getting rid and we can start fresh yeah?’

‘Mason…’ you whispered, not believing what you were hearing but he was just smiling his usual goofy smile and you knew you’d be okay.

‘I’m gonna start looking for some new places but why don’t you have a look too? We can go and view them together but there’s no rush cause we’ve got here in the meantime, but this next place I want it to be ours okay? So think about what you want and don’t want’

‘Are you sure?’ You giggled. The prospect of living together officially hadn’t really crossed your mind yet even though you spent every night together and the thought of looking for a home together thrilled you.

‘C’mere’ he whispered, pulling you further into his lap and all you wanted was to kiss him. ‘What did I say on our first date, huh? I’m in this for the long haul, remember. I know it’s a big step and we can wait until you’re ready but we spend all our time with each other that we can anyway and it can only be better once we’re finally together under the same roof’

‘I can’t believe we’ve made it to this point’ you laughed, trying to keep your tears at bay as you seemed to cry at the drop of a hat these days and you wanted to keep yourself in check but Mason's cheeky smile was helping and you knew he was about to make a stupid joke. That’s why you loved him though.

‘We’ve come a long way, huh? And I can’t tell you how excited I am to be so far away from any neighbours’

‘Your neighbours aren’t bad here’

‘Yeah but now I’ll get to fuck you without everyone hearing’ he whispered against your cheek and a loud laugh fell from your lips.

‘Masonnn’ you groaned, trying to act like you were annoyed with his dirty words but you couldn’t ignore the way your tummy flipped at the thought of being able to fully let go with him and try new things. You’d always tried to be quiet here as you knew the walls weren’t exactly thick and as you tried to hide in his neck he just held you tighter to him.

‘Sorry baby’ he laughed, pulling away so you couldn’t hide your face and when you looked up at him he kissed you deeply before chucking. ‘Do you wanna go and have really quiet sex?’

You didn't say a word, just giggled onto his lips before pulling away and leading him into the bedroom so you could take care of him just how he’d liked it as since you’d bitten the bullet and asked what he liked, you had discovered a new found love for pleasing him.

He still fought you on it, letting you know he wanted to make it all about you but every so often he let you have your way and tonight was about to be one of those nights whether he liked it or not.

You knew he loved it though and when you were both knackered and spent you laid facing each other in bed as he held you to his body. Both sharing a pillow as your noses just about touched and the way he was looking at you like you hung the moon was making you blush.

‘I love the way you love me’ he whispered suddenly, feeling his thumb brush along your jaw as his nose bumped yours lightly. ‘I hope I can make you feel how you make me feel’

‘How do I make you feel?’ You asked, your voice just loud enough for him to hear and even in the dark you could see his eyes twinkling. Wanting to spill the contents of his brain and heart to you as he was feeling everything for you right now and all you wanted was to let him know you felt exactly the same.

‘Safe. And understood. Like loving me is easy’ he confessed, your heart breaking at the way he didn’t believe he was good enough and you quickly pressed a kiss to his cheek in hopes it would make him feel even a tiny bit better.

‘That’s cause it is easy’ you told him, feeling him relax as he let out a breath he’d clearly been holding for far too long and when you heard him sniff you knew he was getting a little emotional. ‘Why do you think I fell for you in the first place, huh? Loving you is like breathing to me. I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens and I fall more and more for you every second I’m with you’

‘I don’t deserve you’

‘Yes you do. You deserve to be loved just like everyone else is’ you told him and you almost smiled at how emotional the pair of you had become. ‘I know you've never had someone prove that to you but you do Masey. You’re the kindest and most gentle man I’ve ever met, you make me laugh more than anyone else ever has or ever will do. You’re my world, and my life is so much better with you in it Mase. I love you so so much’

‘I love you too’ he whispered. His voice thick as he tried to hide in your neck so you turned onto your back a little and let him rest his head on your chest. Your words had hit him luck a truck and he swore he’d never been so in love with anyone or could ever be again. You flipped his world upside down in the best way possible and he couldn’t help but spill his guts to you. ‘I never thought I’d feel like this about someone, I know it’s early but I’m gonna marry you one day’

‘Oh yeah?’ You laughed, scratching his head gently whilst trying to make out that you weren’t as affected by his words as you were but you knew your heart was thumping right under his ear.

‘Oh yeah, get the proposal in my head already’ he joked as he squeezed you a little tighter. ‘I just don’t ever want us to end, you know? You're my home and I’ve never had that before. We’re twin flames, remember?’

‘I remember’ you whispered, kissing his head gently before he was looking up at you in awe again.

'Can I tell you something silly?' he asked, his voice quiet in the silent room but you heard him loud and clear and wanted him to know he could tell you anything.

'Of course you can'

'Sometimes when I think about you I feel so full of love I just wanna burst like I can't contain it' he laughed and you squeezed him tightly to your body thinking he was the most adorable thing before he looked away again out of shyness. 'I can feel it right now like I don't know what to do with myself'

'Look at me you laughed, wanting to see his face again as you spoke and when his gentle eyes landed on yours you let your mouth run away with you. 'I feel like that too, a lot actually. I know we didn't take the easy route, but I wouldn't change anything for a second okay? All of this shit we've gone through it's just made us stronger and you're worth every single tear I've ever cried so please don't ever say you don't deserve me cause I love you in ways I can't even love myself' you confessed. Watching his eyes glaze over and you told him everything he’d ever wanted to hear but little did he know you weren’t done yet.

‘At the end of the day, it’s all about finding your person and you, Mason, you are my person. The person I want to spend the rest of my days laughing with, crying with. The one who I want to come home to and fall asleep next to every single day and I hope you don’t ever forget that’

‘Your my person too’ he whispered, overwhelmed by everything you’d said and you knew you had to break the ice a little bit.

‘I better be’ you winked but he just rolled his eyes as he sat up slightly so he could hover over you.

‘Can I take that as a yes then?’ He smiled, referring to him mentioning that he wanted to marry you earlier but even though you knew what the answer would be already you didn’t want to inflate his ego at all and you knew he already knew the answer.

‘You’re too much’ you laughed, pulling him back down next to you so you could hold each other again but as he got settled back next to you on the pillow you knew deep down he’d never be too much for you.

Thank you so much for making it this far and finishing. I really do appreciate it and I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Od love to hear what you thought so please do let me know as it would make my day 🩷 love you guys xxx

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